Bad Friends - Bobo's Magic Calf Cream

Episode Date: June 29, 2020

The Boys give their pandy recommendations for bowling alleys, panic rooms, and the Baby Bird restaurant. Andrew face plants into a fire. Bobby watches his blooper reel. Get the Green Stuff! Thank you to our Sponsors: https://buffy.co code: badfriends & http://golfcritique.com code: badfriends & https://pocketstand.com Subscribe to our YouTube: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com/ More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com/ More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Produced by George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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It's everything you need to make a podcast all in one place. Where do we have to go Bob? Download the free anchor app or go to anchor.fm to get started. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? People in my house I live with they treat me like I'm a fucking ghetto son of all sons Could you imagine what would you sell door-to-door if you could tour the country and sell stuff? What do you think you would sell? I will sell um, I would sell ointments oils Just for the calves like when a calves have ointment get yeah when you know how calves sometimes get sore sore Do I do daily activities like hauling rocks or mining or whatever you do? Is this the pitch? Is this the pitch? Yeah. Yeah, okay pitch me

Do you ever I would go hello. Hi, my name would be Robert. Hello. I'm Robert young Lee That's my middle name. Hi, Robert. Hi, I'm Robert young Lee and May I ask you some questions, sir? Absolutely. I've got nothing but time. Are your calves sore? How do you know that because do you every day as we go on to our daily businesses? Mm-hmm, and we um, we walk mountaintops and we clean Cliffs solo. I've been clean. I'm in a lot of and then we you know, we also do Um reverse kung fu kicks to the suplexes to people. Yes. Yes, and do you ever also do side-steppings when you're dancing? Yeah, you know in the country line when you're in the country line and you do side steps

Yes, do you ever do that? Do you ever um, do you ever like go when you instead of saying no you do like, you know I mean you lift your leg up. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, of course. So when somebody says have you ever seen a? Jungle book the movie you go. No, but instead of saying you put lift your leg up. No. Yeah. Yeah Well, I have the greatest ointment for you. Okay. What is it? This is called green stuff green stuff Yeah, yeah, and it's made from aloe and Tree bark and also if you go deep in the Amazon, there's a mysterious tree called the carnivora tree The carnivora tree. Yeah, so it eats meat the tree eats meat. Yeah, but you You let me tell you my friend. We have a technology in hand. Okay. We take a

Machine right buns and burners you take a machine you take buns and burners It's a machine based on the buns and burner technique Got it right and then what we do is we slice over the artery of the base of the carnivore tree So the tree has veins so it has a blood running through it And we take a a technological tube in it. Oh a tech tube. Yeah, we call it technological tube Sorry, I shouldn't shorten over. Yeah. Thank you. But over a six-month period, right? We slowly Ionize the juices from the carnivore tree Whoa, right along with aloe and also along with angel wing dust. Where does the aloe come from?

I'll tell you where the angel wing dust come from Mm-hmm. Did you know that some of our we have a crew of people who die? Everybody dies. No, we flatline on purpose like in the movie flatliners. Yes, and what we do is we flatline for split second We only let them flatline for about 15 minutes because if you let them flatline more than that, they'll die or they'll become brain activity dead Brain activity, right? So what we do is we flatline some of our scientists teams, right? And in that 15 minutes they're in heaven and they hunt down angels to create the angel wing dust So we shoot down angels. So you kill angels? Yes. We kill someone to kill my company. Just listen, sir

I mean, let me tell you something, sir. I was you gonna stop. I wasn't even gonna stop by this house. Oh, why? I'm busy. I have to go to the corporate center and sell my product to um Bezos Jeff Bezos. Yes. You are selling this product to Jeff Bezos. He wants it. I don't know. I haven't decided Well, I want it. How much is it? My point is is that you're lucky to have so let me finish this So for 15 minutes my scientists, right? We flatline. Okay, and then we um, we hunt down Angels and then we do is delicately with the same technology as we do as the carnivore tree the bonson burners Well, yeah, and we have a clipping mechanism

Um, uh-huh called y'all right. Yeah, right y'all right clips. Oh y'all right clips Yeah, because they're very gentle on the angels. We don't kill the angels. We're already dead anyway. They're dead. Yeah, okay But we clip their um, we clip their wings, right and they're very small Angels don't realize how small uh Angels people think the angels are human size. They're not they're the size of little fairies Sometimes angels are the size of mosquitoes. So they're very difficult to catch. How do you delineate between an angel and a fairy? How do you know which one's which then? Well fairies because I'll tell you why because fairies live on middle earth, of course some sections of the earth, of course, right?

and um They're not angels angels are Dead there they live in heaven, but our fairies dead when fairies die. They turn into the mosquito size Angels, oh Right, okay, and those ones We capture as well and you get the clip the ear. We clip the wings. Mm-hmm some ears Mm-hmm, right, but mostly wings Mostly for the dust and we get the dust right with the carnivorous triac

extract right and the aloe. Mm-hmm We combine this ointment called we call green stuff the green stuff. I remember yeah, right, right And you just gently inject them into your calves into my calves. Yeah, you don't rub it on the surface. Okay. We stick it as syringe Oh, oh it goes inside my yes in the muscle you inject it. Okay, right now. I'll tell you what in the beginning You won't feel well. I'm gonna be sick. No, you won't you won't be with a walk for six months six months So one half year One half year one half year. I can't use my legs and your calves will petrify a bit Um, they'll turn actually a lot of people think that um, they'll turn stone

They'll petr they'll turn into stone. Yeah, but almost like a hard Uh quartz rock Huh, do you ever see the movie? Um or the tv show? Um Chernobyl. Yes those little quartz rocks they find on the yeah, that's my legs. That's what it'll feel like They'll be radiation as well. Wow and people around you might get cancer Okay, yeah, but it will it make my calves feel better. But in six months. Yeah, I'll tell you what you'll run like that Like that african-american runner Carl Lewis Carl Lewis. Yeah, are you a salesman from 40 years ago?

Do you mean Usain Bolt Usain Bolt will I run like him? Oh, hey, sir sir before you go Yeah, I'll vote out before you go. I have not told you the price. Oh, how much? Yeah 4.5 my friends Four dollars and fifty cents four point five million four million dollars. Yes. How many injections do I get? One so one that's it one injection and in six months you will run like Usain Bolt Usain or Usain or Usain. Well, you're not from where you're from Jamaica. I'm from Jamaica. Yes Well, I'm from the section of Jamaica where he is from. Oh, you are yeah tataw village

And uh in tataw village we call him Usain because this is common. That's the common tongue Who's who's saying that's right like Saddam? Much like it. Okay. Yeah much like it. So four four five point four million. Yep 4.5 million. Yeah, and we only receive cash Oh, you only take cash. We only take cash even during the pandy. Yeah, can I just Venmo you what's usually 12.5? That's the thing. I forgot. Oh, so you're giving me a discount half off More than half off. It's yeah, it's like 60. Yeah Well, where do I sign up green stuff? Here's you and you don't get it right?

Well, I need to catch up front. You don't get it right away. When do I get it? We're still we have two scientists. Oh, so it's not you don't have it in heaven right now catching angel No, we have some but we sold out bezos bezos has all of it bezos has one. Yeah. Yeah, he paid 15 million But you know, how have you turned Jeff bezos into a Spanish guy bezos? Okay, before you go can I can I talk to you about something? Yeah, go ahead. You have something to sell me What is it? Have you ever been introduced to your lord and savior Jesus Christ? No, what is that? I've never heard of that. You don't know who that is. No, he's a wonderful little man. Is he little? He's very tiny. Is he a dwarf smaller?

Oh, he takes away me dwarf Well, they it's a new name now. It's not called pygmy anymore because that's offensive to pigs Oh, oh my bad. It's called. It's called muskrat dwarf A muskrat dwarf muskrat dwarf dwarf. That's right. I have to do that later. You can yes He has very little sharp pointy ears. He hears and sees everything He takes away all of your pain and all you need to do today is to commit to me all of your secrets And I'll take away all of your pain forever. Great. So may I give you some secrets? Please Okay, we'll do is there a because I've seen movies. Yeah, are there booths?

Are there booths for the secrets? Is there a booth that I can go on where I can close the door and there's like a little curtain thing Little do you know you're being protected right now by an invisible booth? Literally, nobody can hear you within five feet. Yeah, watch this. Okay Say say to her say you suck. Just say it out loud right now. You suck I didn't even hear it. She didn't hear it. Didn't hear it. You're in a booth. You're in a private booth with me Okay, here we go then. Tell me your secret. All right. So in not not a big deal. No, not a big deal Hold on one second. Yeah. Yeah, I have to just record this on my phone. Go ahead in 1997. Yeah

Um, I just decided to become a I got a job offer for being a school bus driver in In Thailand. Okay. Yeah, and um, I signed up Applied went to Thailand and the bus Um Didn't look it wasn't a yellow school bus. It was uh, what color are they? This was a white. It looked like a van Like a van with no windows. Yes a van with no window. That's a bad school bus. I would go to this Yeah, I would go and pick up the kids for school. Okay. Yeah, and um Anything that we jam about 60 kids in the back of this van

You 60 kids will lay them down like sardines on top of each other. They're crying. It doesn't matter Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it turns out it was a Unbeknownst to me a human trafficking business Yes Yes, did you get in trouble for that? Uh, well once I found out it was one I quit after that first job Okay. Yeah, well then deliver the kids one second. Yeah Let's go The grease is up. The grease is on sale man. We got him. Hey, uh, you know what I watched all night last night

I got a new show for you guys. Oh my god. What is it alone? Oh Do you know alone on netflix? 10 people are put out in the middle of the arctic in the middle of nowhere Hundreds of miles thousands of miles north in in in northern canada. Why in the arctic circle They're given a hundred days to survive on their own using 10 items and if they can do it they get a half a million dollars It's like naked and afraid but way way cooler. Are they naked? No, they got clothes on as cool Why does naked and afraid have to be about naked people?

Because it's because it naked and afraid first things first your penis gets bit. I'm out. I'm going home. That's it the first mosquito Sucked my dick blood. I'm gone. Wait. Let me is this oh, so this is a reality show. It's real people. This is real It's a documentary. It's a doc. You see. Oh, it is. Yes. Oh, well, no, that's cool. It's awesome I think you said that there was a movie. No, no show. It's a new show. Listen. I think you said alone I thought you alone was kind of like lost like a scripted show. Oh, no And then so in my head, I'm like How is that cooler than because that's

What's real is naked and afraid but you're saying that alone is real people real people going out in the arctic with clothes Yep, 10 items of their own they get 10 items and they have to survive 100 days through the arctic winter Do they can they bring their own foods? No Will they eat polar bear polar bear blabber polar polar blabber polar blabber. What do they may eat? Well, there's all sorts of stuff up there. There's elk. There's mountain lion. There's deer There's a muskrat a guy ate a muskrat. There's squirrels. There's uh, do they bring their own tents? They can bring tarps not tents so you can make a tent the difference between a tarp and tent big difference between a tarp and a tent You go, hey bobby, where do you live a house? But then it turns out to be a condominium

Same thing. It's not even remotely close to being the same thing a tarp and a tent are two different things A tent is pre-built as a tent a tarp is a tarp What is a tarp? It's just a big piece of material that you can use in a million different ways a tent is it? It's a fucking tent Can a tarp turn into a teepee tent like the back and back of my boys did can Can but is the teepee tent a tent? teepee is a teepee No, they call them tents at some times. No, they don't they call them teepees some tribes do which ones the mohawkun. Oh, mohawkuns do

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, maybe then all right. So what you're saying is is that they take a tarp They take a tarp and turn it into a turn into a tent a teepee. They can start a fire out They have fire mechanisms. Mm-hmm. So they have flints, you know fire starters One guy forgot one and he had to do the bow and air, you know the bow thing. Yeah, didn't work forever No, it's so stupid. It was really funny to watch though. Yeah, and he's like my hands. Yeah, I know they always do that too Yeah, because it gets sore from this like a naked afraid if they don't they don't have a flint There was always one guy that goes bro I've tried I've started 10,000 fires with a stick and a piece of you know, I mean bark can't and then when they get out there

I don't know why it's not working And their partner just looking at them like this like you fucking sort of just gotta fucking get a flint Yeah, it's so just bring the fire starter thing so they can bring 10 things and then They can only survive off of the land. Yeah, I also love a naked afraid when like because everyone gets to choose You don't mean a survival thing. What do you mean? Like you you get a pot, I guess and like, you know, but then you get one choice Oh, yeah, you can bring along another one thing. So one guy's like I brought my machete right and the other partner's like I brought a pencil

And they're like why in case we need to take notes This is many uses. I'd like to draw some of the leaves and when you get an infection I can draw the blood. Yeah, I mean like and then they're gonna get upset Yeah, no, everyone's bringing like an axe or a knife or a machete I do love naked afraid because they give people psrs. Your primitive survival rating is 8.6. Yeah, what would yours be? 0.7 0.7. Yeah, you're usually what would yours be way higher than you out of 10? You have no fucking survival skills whatsoever. Insane. Insane. All right, so you know at the very start You don't want to start a fire. Yup with a lighter probably and gasoline

Yeah, no, but what I'm saying you you could if I if I dropped you off in the middle of the amazon Mm-hmm with nothing. Mm-hmm. You'd be able to start a fire not with nothing No, I can't fuckers can no they can't they always have to have something to start off. You need some something No, I've seen dudes go. I don't need it because I have a fucking I can get a stick and I know how to do it I know what I know what I can't do the smoke thing. I can't then that then either can I so that that goes against you Okay, but I okay, let's do my points then I I'm athletic which which helps tremendously because you're gonna dudes survive longer No, they don't you have to hunt game. How can you hunt game if you're fat bro a lady on One fucking did two fucking

Um, they get afraid. Yeah vegetarian No, yes two one lady did the 40 day challenge. Yeah Vegetarian and she refused to eat any fish. She's dead now. No, she's not she's dead now She had sepsis and died. I read that article. She doesn't exist anymore No, she did exist but but now because she has no nutrients. She could be just in and out of she floats in and out of our universe Okay, I'm also athletic is a huge thing that don't Conserving fat is a huge thing. I've seen fat. Your fat is concentrated into one area. Yeah

It needed to be spread out your arms aren't fat. It's on my dick, baby. No, it's not it's on It's on my dick, baby, baby your dick fat looks like a lava lamp It's like fat here skinny fat here fat skinny skinny fat. Oh my god You look your penis looks like an anal beam. You know what your fucking penis looks like If you opened up trumps dick and she just took out one of his veins is what your dick would look like Okay, that's okay. What do you mean? It's a big thick vein. No, not a thick vein thick vein Look at a dick. Yeah trumps dick. Look at trumps dick, right? Fine those little dicks those little little dicks with little veins in the dick. That's what your dick looks like

There's not a bigger dick in his dick. She hates this. I know she's so grossed out. Yeah, Rudy. I'm sorry You're grossed out by his talk about trumps peepee Kind of offensive. No less. Um Yeah, I tried to go bowling yesterday where and they are closed down in it because the country's closing down again What do you mean? You know, what do you mean? No, I've reopened. What really? Oh, yeah, I've gotten to three raves Where?

Up in the fucking Temecula. You seriously have to get into a rave? Three of them. I was the only one there but I had my glowsticks. People got mad at me because I said I've been I've been really good during the pandy The only thing I've been doing is I've been playing On craigslist. I'm part of this group and we play tackle football with strangers In the park and it's no pants. It's shirts, but no pants Is that bad? People got so mad. They're like, that's really funny. They're like, that's irresponsible

But it's just a group of buds. Yeah, and we just meet up every sunday Right here bell ball park and we just hang out. Yeah, and it's no and it's pan You know why it's no pants by the way because you can't run in jeans. It's impossible to play football in jeans Yeah, gotta have no pants. Also, we we used to have a rule where you couldn't tackle by the dick. You can now Well, people are mad at me because I do a Every saturday I do it in an escape room I do I do an escape room. Where is it? What it's over there in Los Feliz. I do an escape room with um 100 people You're right. It's all my friends under people, right? You know them all right, right?

And we wear masks when we get there, but in the escape room you can't because you have to communicate Yeah, you need to talk you talk like how do we get into that fucking opening up there? Right? Yeah Hey, hey, Raul, you know what I mean, right? Let's solve the problem this puzzle together Have you so 15 of us will huddle together and solve it and just stare at a little mechanism and just figure out what what buttons to press Is it really hot in there? Super hot. So you're sweating like crazy. Yeah. Yeah, and there's no because it's an escape room There's no ventilation people get so mad about that. I don't know why but yeah Yeah, and we it's one escape room it took us 12 hours to get out of yeah, right and the last bit of it is us About 30 of us at a time have to shimmy. Yeah in a tube

Right together, right? You have to put take your clothes off as well. Of course, right? And you have to shimmy, right? And um, they blow smoke in there Right, it's a fire like a fucking it's like a um Back like back draft kind of a theme. Oh, I love that. Right. So you can love that, right? So the smoke isn't that you cough Right, right. Yeah, you're shivering shimmy. Yeah naked, right? But you know, we stopped doing it last Saturday It's over now because of the you know the hysteria. Yeah, I know I trust me. It's crazy Can I take you guys to a restaurant? We went to a new restaurant. It's fucking phenomenal. What's it called? It's called mama bird There's no way. Have you heard of mama bird? Do you guys know about this? I just said there's no way how

No, no, it's it's delicious. It's so good. Is it the chicken? No mama bird is like, uh, it's like a I'd say americana bistro and what happens is the chef comes out greets you She takes your takes your order as well. She recommends stuff and she cooks it brings it back to the table and then she Choose it and spits it in your mouth It is The best restaurant. It's some of the most delectable None of the nutrients are gone. You still get all the nutrients

It's so good They're real Okay, mama bird. That's mama bird. It's so good because and apparently the reason that she choose pre-choose it for you is because Is because a lot of times do you know how many people choke and die at restaurants in the united states of america? 30,000 mama bird. Wait this restaurant. It's in in arizona, right? Yes. It's in downtown phoenix Go to mama bird downtown phoenix and her name is gladis the chef and she will chew and spit in your mouth Your food because so many people choke and die

On on in restaurants 30,000 a year. She's cutting that number down to nothing. Yeah, you can't choke on when it's pre-chewed Pretty cool. I tell you can I tell you a bad story the restaurant that I go to? Oh, what is it? Yeah, it's called the exotic The exotic. Yes, what it's a great restaurant. Well, it's pretty far. It's in Wuhan In oh, we're in china. Yeah. Oh, I love that spot. It's called the exotic and they only serve um bats Really? Yes, but what's great about it? They cut they catch but they cut they catch bats Oh, they catch they catch them right? And while they're alive, they just they slice meat like a sashimi. They don't cook it. Why would you cook it?

Why you ride? That's the question people Cooked there by they boil it. No stupid. No need. There's in the belly of the bat It's where the fat the the belly beat is. You know what I mean? Yeah, the fat is like total Yeah, it's like right like don't row. He's just slow. You're right while the bat's still alive. He's still alive And he's saying stuff like What does that mean? I don't know. Okay. That's the noise. I don't know if you this but that's the noise a bat makes Oh, because I go to this restaurant and when you cut open the bat's belly, it goes Sometimes it goes

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golf critique Bobby knows I'm a big golfer he makes fun of me all the time He likes video games the way that I like golfing Golf critique is the number one search engine That's happening right now if you're a golfer if you want to know about great golf course reviews You want to know about instructors Uh book tea times um and golf in your area. You got to go to golf critique.com You can become a member right now and you get a shot at winning $25,000 in golf with holly sander's and brian urlacker

Pretty amazing simply go to golf golf critique.com put in the referral code 26793 bobby's gonna start golfing. We got him out to the range He's gonna sign up because he wants to win the money once you're a member you write a review You're automatically in and eight finalists are gonna get selected to go play piners in north carolina and get $25,000 If you are a golfer go to golf critique.com. It's very very much worth it. Get your ass signed up Use our promo code bad bad friends. You'll receive 15 off the annual premium membership at just over $4 a month It's incredible. You get a chance to win $25,000 just for being a part of this go to golf critique.com You'll love it. You'll love it all. It's the best search engine in golf

Can I tell you a really weird story about a choking on food by the way? This is so mean We have a family friend. This is so mean. Is this real or not? Sort of god. No, this is real. No more joke. All right His wife From now on, let's be real. Okay. No more no more lies all that stuff. No problem. Okay, go ahead. His wife Was eating lunch in his office right in front of him And choked to death on a chicken bone Died was eating chicken wings and died in his office came to see her husband for lunch and died

And this this is crazy and one time someone in my family Forgot his name Right. Mm-hmm, and she's trying to reference him And she's like, you know Dad's buddy. I'm like, I don't know who you're talking about and she goes chicken bone chicken No, really and I was like, don't stand so mean Yeah, his wife died from a chicken bone and it got lodged in her throat

So, you know what we don't we don't have chicken anymore in our house. This is not a lot We have a cousin. Yeah, I'm serious by the way. That's what we I'm serious. Yeah And my dad called it calls a smash Why? because my cousin A fuck it Was smashed in a fucking car accident and died like flattened. Yeah, I should he didn't know the name

So he goes, you know, smash I Could dad Jennifer you mean Yeah I made that story up. It's metaphor. I made this story. That's a fake story. I lied. Yeah Looking at the camera and say it wasn't real. It wasn't real. Yeah, fuck it Car accident stuff is creepy and gross. I don't know why I did that. I apologize. Sometimes I lie about jennifers Sometimes I do deceit

Sometimes sometimes the song was good last week. Oh my god. People love the song. You know what I suck about it You know what I hate about the comments what songs great, but when andrew kicks in that's when it becomes really funny You got another song you want to play No, I'm not doing another song, but I'm just saying you're not doing another song. I wrote the music of that song Not that hard. Yeah Daddy while you die daddy while you die daddy. Why do I write the music? Yeah, you did right? I'm the one that you watch. I told you I asked you I was in the car, right? Like before you got there because you were late and I play I go, you know

Trying to try to compose the you know what I mean? Yeah, and then you come in and you kick in with pretty good improv better than yours It's true Don't be sad bob. You're better than me. Don't be sad. You're all better than me. No, we're not. Yeah I get a call the other day U- hàng dingo ding dancing with anything ding-ding ring a LinkedIn ding ring a ding ding ding And I go, hello. It's my you know my agency CAA

Mm-hmm and they go um You like to play video games? I go. Yeah, and they go well, they want you to play A effects legends And I go what is that it's like? They say it's like Warzone, but it's more cartoony Yeah, and I go. Okay, and they go. You're gonna. Play with a bunch of other comedians Ron Funches Love ehrlich rhythm love You know Jackie Cation. Yeah, she's great. I love Jackie

Brian pusing. Yeah, and maybe some other there's a thinking maybe Sarah Silverman and I go Okay, how much you have to play 11 hours 11 straight. Yeah, why I don't know what would be the purpose of that streaming it. Oh They're live streaming it on a streaming twitch on which which I think and then you're playing a fix legends for 11 hours and And I do that anyway with warzone. Yeah, I said fuck it. Let's just do it 11 hours straight. Yeah, but you know what? I think there's breaks like I have to take a shit I might take a shit on shit break. Yeah, and then so they'll play me. It would probably cigarette breaks They yeah, they definitely gonna have cigarette doing it out of your house, which is gonna be cool So if you're you're filming it on your computer. No in my house

They're coming over to set up install a bunch of fucking technology. Wow Yeah, I don't know if we're able to keep that technology, but that'd be fucking cool. It's just that's a dream Situation yet to get paid to fucking sleep Which is kind of we're gonna come over and just hook up some mechanisms in the bed You won't even feel it you do get paid to sleep You sleep in for the most of the day you're getting paid for some of that day from what who's paying me everything that you've ever done Oh, that is true in the sense. We have shadow money coming shadow Money dude you get checks like you know you did an El Pollo local commercial

You know me and they kind of did a snippet of it in Brazil is here's $10. It's nice little $10. Yeah Yeah, I mean you get like weird money. I get a cup. I have one on the way from what? From the disaster artist Good. Yeah, it's a little bit of money. It's not bad. What's the most? What's what's a big residual? Yeah, what's a movie that you get still get residual checks on not movie, but I still get checks from this is us That TV show. Oh, you do I did the pilot. I still get checks. Wow like five years ago I don't even know what it is now and that they're bigger than they should be they're bigger than when I really was in something Right. I was just a little guest star. I want to ask you something. Yeah, how come you haven't brought up?

Soccer at all. This is a big isn't this big for soccer right now What do you mean Liverpool won the EPL? Yeah, isn't that amazing? I try to watch I think man you played I forgot who they played but I was watching it and it just because there's no Audience and because there was a disruption to the season and because we already knew Liverpool is gonna win the whole fucking thing It doesn't matter. It I was just like I'm done I want to wait until the EPL starts again Hmm, and then I want to see what happens in the transfer window I also want to see if there's gonna be actually an audience probably not and

And I'm gonna say that let's talk real for a second. Mm-hmm, you know What regardless if you feel like you know, we should open everything up or If you're like me who thinks that it was a little too soon I Listen, I want to listen to everyone's perspective. Everyone has a right to have their own opinion Sure about any issue. Yeah, right. Yeah, but facts are facts and And we are at a rise right now. It's bad in LA. Texas. It's bad here We lead the country in new cases fucking insane in Florida. It's bad. It's bad in pockets in different pockets of the country

Yeah, and There's no let up No, no, and when they say that the world is could changed it has From now on we don't know now when comedy clubs are gonna open There's no way to know probably never all the way. Yeah, who knows who knows two years three years four years Yeah, especially in LA. I mean, they were thinking that July was gonna be I know I remember that they were with July You know like the store will open after the holiday will be bad. Yeah. Yeah, and we're not not even close for me. So, um Man, that's why I like when they called me for this video game thing

I'm also doing like how he Mandel called me guys, you know, usually, you know, he's so proactive. Yeah He's like, hey, I'm doing this other. You know, I mean reality show. I'm like, I'll just do it What reality show you're doing that reality, but it's like a game show kind of a thing. You know, I mean, what is it? I don't even know what it is, but it's like it with you Eric Stone Street and the other lady. That's on modern family What's her name? Julie Bowen? No, the Hispanic lady. So if you have her car, huh? Yeah, so if you're go Wait, what's her? What is it? So Sofia Gagara? So he goes. Yeah, it's Sophia Gagara at Eric Stone Street for modern family I go it's just me too. And they go. Yeah, and it's one of those just like game shows

That's fun. I go I'll do you normally I would like I would like not do it. Hmm. Oh, I would ignore his call, maybe I Love how he Mandel, but every time it's something it's a business thing, but but isn't that good? If it's always like, you know, so I have show idea. Yeah, you Joe Koi, you know Santino, you're naked You're in a bucket. Yes. Yes. Yes. There's score points. Yes. Yes. And the Eva Longoria Yeah, so if you're long long, right from modern family, right? They're judging you, but they're doing accents You have to pretend what they're saying you have to figure it out Right, I mean the audience choose and it's always something like that and I'm always writing notes. Okay bucket

Santino, right? And then I'll see you a week later and I won't understand the notes You don't say bucket Santino Eva long gone gone and it'll save crowd and points. Yeah, I have no idea what the fuck that is Right. Yeah, so it's always I love him. Yeah, I love all those old-school guys I have to say out of all those old-school guys, you know, I love Louie Anderson Louie is you know, Louie Come on. Yeah, he's the best. Honestly. Yeah, his role in baskets was one of the coolest things I've ever seen a mile. He was so funny as Zach's mom Yeah, but let me take it back one step. What the reason I respect guys like that like how he's work ethic like you're talking about You're talking about a guy who's been in the game for so fucking long and done so much

To Bobby's Bobby's world. I know was so good was so was so unique for a guy Yeah, to do like that. That was a stand-up that could do ten different other things. That was pretty incredible There is also a kid in me That's like I remember when I was I think in middle school and I was watching HBO or something and I was a kid And I remind what remember watching like Howie Mandel like, you know young comedian special like that and he was you know I mean, hey, I got a black head He would pick up a black mannequin head and stick it on his face and I remember like as a kid just Cut crying. Yeah, right and then it's just like how does it sound cheesy?

But you know, so when he calls right there is that kid inside me Yeah, it goes. There's that guy that I watched, you know, I mean, and I thought it was so he was so great and then um, I love also Dice too cuz I just kind of grew up watching him. Well, they they reconnect with a point of your childhood That's like so like that's makes you feel so happy like dude when I worked with Jim Carrey on the show time show We were having drinks and dinner one night. Yeah, and I'll never forget in the middle of him talking Yeah, I was like just buzzed enough where I was watching his lips and I was watching his lips And it looked like he was doing the ace ventura mouth, you know, like yeah And it like reinvigorates that that memory from your brain as a kid

It is weird to it's weird when you yeah, it's weird when you get to work or befriend people that you Love that you loved when I mean you still I'm intimidated by him Remember when they were like doing I'll just not I'll just sit there He came to the comedy store. Yeah, see people perform. I was on the lineup. No, I know it showed me and he came up to me And he goes hey Buddy fucking hilarious, right? And I went Thank you, and then when um It meets his funeral

It meets his funeral. I'll so Al magical goes, you know, everyone's there, right? Yeah, so Al magical goes Hey, man, let's just sit over here to the side But for some reason when we sat down like all the cool comics sat with us So first Bill Burr, right and a couple of other people and then Jim Carrey walks And there's a gap between me and Bill Burr and a bunch of people Jim Carrey sits right next to me. I go Right and he takes his hand and he puts it on my back He kind of just rubs it. Oh nice, and I'm just like oh this guy is so fucking cool He's very connected. He's not like a really cool connective kind of you can tell he he he um

You could tell he's very in the moment. He's very present. Yeah. Yeah, I embarrass myself when I asked him one time I said Jim, where do you uh, where do you live in now? So stupid Why yeah, and he was like, um I'm kind of everywhere man, and I was like I know I why did you ask that by asking a billionaire where did you ask that live wherever they need to live? He lives he can live here. He can live there He can live fuck it

He can live in LA for half the year he can live in Canada for half of the year. Yeah, it's funny nerve I get nervous like a lot So I don't know what to say well It's also because you were I think you get I get nervous around people that I really respect. Yeah Yeah, it doesn't matter if you're famous. Yeah, if I respect your work, and I know that you've done stuff that I'm like Wow, you're very good at something. Yeah, whatever it is musicians athletes You know someone that's just anybody who's great at something. I'm always like I don't know what I'm supposed to say to you because I know they don't want to talk a lot

Yeah, to some guy that's like, hey, don't come pass your ball LeBron And he's like, yeah, and you're like basket ball LeBron. What am I supposed to there is we don't have anything in common Or when you're sometimes what happens is when you're on a TV show And sometimes like an actor will direct. Oh, yeah, that happens a lot. Fred Savage directed me a few times Right. So when I was on splitting up together I just show up on set on a Monday and I realized I go. I know this director And it was Helen Hunt Shut up. No, I'm like wild

And so I walked up to where I go. I love twister. I don't know why I don't know why, why, out of all her jobs You love the fucking tornado Out of all the jobs, that's the one I got a twist. I got, I love twister How stupid did you get? You're so, I felt so stupid. She's like, yeah, that was a tough job long hours She's like, yeah, I've done a lot of movies

Yeah, and for some reason like I would like She was a little distant Well after the twister comment, yeah Yeah, yeah, she was very distant to me, right? And then like I got to the point where Her notes were just just sad faster or whatever it might be like She didn't want to talk But then what happened was she took my so she I guess One of the producers Greg who's a friend of mine, right?

Um had his office And I'm just I have the kind of relationship where I could just walk in Sure Right. So but she had he had told her you could just have my office while you're working here So I just barged into his office like what's up? Like I don't even know who's in it And she's sitting there with her assistant and they're on the computer and they're on a conference call Yeah, they're taking notes and they're really serious and I go

What's up, Helen? Like I had to switch it You know like improvise because Greg was there in your mind. Yeah. Yeah. What's up, what's up, Helen? She's like I'm working Get out. Okay. I'm bobby. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my god. I'm bobby get out It was terrible Yeah, those moments are only because you're when you respect someone you feel you feel stupid

You wouldn't feel stupid if you didn't really care Yeah If it was just a regular nobody that you're like, I don't fucking know it's fine I'll just feel like oh my bad. Sorry. I made a mistake. Yeah It's when you respect someone you feel foolish when you make a stupid mistake like that one of my dreams Is this is like if I ever thought that's it there is a heaven If you ever die, you're die. You're gonna die. But if I die when I die And my brother dies. Yeah, and we're in heaven

What are my dreams? I this is never gonna happen But maybe I would love to go to God or whoever is in charge or probably there's probably like a Point person how about there's a committee or there's probably somebody that's designated for like an angel that's designated to you You don't get a direct line to God Jesus Right, and you go um, I would want to go Hey, is there any way that I can look at my brother's best of tape? He's like what do you mean like all his just awkward mishaps Yeah, it's just a compilation over the years and my brother and I just want to sit there and watch it

I know That my brother and I Yeah, we'll laugh so Fucking hard and then my brother will say the same. I want to see Bobby's best of tape Yeah, just all the awkward all the fuck ups all the goof up weird moments. How do you try to like your blooper real? Yeah, I'm a blooper. We're real Pocket stand. I'll tell you something. Uh, you know who raised me andrew Uh wolves

No, my cousin paul. Oh, I have a cousin by the name of paul troy. He taught me about kurosawa films He taught me about the velvet underground. This is back in the 80s. Love and he raised me and um, so about A year ago. I was at the he lives in or organ He um, I was at the helium comedy club. Yeah, and he came and he said he invented something Yep, and he invented this thing called pocket stand pocket stand. Look at how cool that is It amplifies sound it amplifies sound right and it's designed and he worked very hard in this and what it is It's a soft plastic, but it fits perfectly around your phone It's snug and it's snug and you you can watch movies and the sound is great

There's a little pocket here where sound comes out. Yeah, and um take it with you where you go You can take it on airplanes and and and normally they're $10, but we're selling it here $7 seven fucking dollars with a bed with a bad friend's promotion comes in a variety of colors Tons of colors it comes in teal and blue and green and black and peach like bobby because she's a sweet little peach And this is uh, this is um, the future people. This is the future. Go grab one of these pakistan's Go to pakistan.com use the bad friends promotion because you'll get 30 off and free shipping. They'll send it to your house It's only seven bucks. Come on man. Help out the bobby lee Fam, right? It's my family is my first cousin help out

You know, I mean the bad friends family bad friends family pocketstand.com and pick up is really fucking cool Dude, I'm proud of them dude. This is the amazing way to go. Paul. We love you Dot com baby I wish we all got to see our own blooper reel to just laugh at that like right before you die If you saw all the dumbish dumb shit that you've ever done Yeah, yeah, like what like like you want to talk about it here I just remembered embarrassing moment the other day because we were when we were watching alone The guy almost fell into the fire that he made

Right and it brought me back immediately to when we were camping In we're in northern illinois or wisconsin somewhere, right? There was a girl I was probably in junior high. There was a girl that I was had a huge crush on Okay, and everyone is like goofing around by the fire and it's getting late We're all young dumb teenagers and people are like jumping over the fire or throwing stuff in it to make it get bigger You know what you know what it's like just to get it lit up throw kerosene in it or something And I and this girl was there and I was like I can jump From like outside of the rocks all the way across like it was it was a bigger gap

I'm not kidding at all. Okay. The parents are like inside the house or whoever we're with And I'm trying to show off this girl and I'm like no I can fucking dude I jump and my foot hits the rock one of the rocks outside and I face plant into the fire into the fire Yeah, luckily. I'm I roll out as fast as I can Everyone is die. I mean dying laughing. No one's concerned. No one's. Oh, no, everyone's What happened to you? No, I was fine. Just I was the biggest fucking loser for the rest of time Yeah, everyone laughed nobody tried to help me I would have burned to death and they would have laughed the whole fucking time

Yeah, because I thought it was going to be cool in front of the girl to jump over the fire Yeah, like a moron Yeah, is that impressive when boys try to you know when boys try to do dumb stuff to show off Yeah, yeah boys do that. They're like when you're younger, right like little like 12 13 year old boys You think you're cool and you want to do something like that and then for the rest of time Right for the rest of time. You're like that guy's a loser, right? Yeah, see I did this once at a restaurant This is years ago and I was at a restaurant. I was by myself. Yeah, and this beautiful This is a way before kalayla

This beautiful. I don't know why I remember this because it was so embarrassing. Yeah, so this girl walks in and she looks right at me and she goes Hey, like that. So I go I do a silly high They go Like I do a finger What are you the funds you? Hey, yeah, yeah, like I know you you know what I mean? Yeah, and it's one of those situations where She was obviously waving

To somebody in back of me, right? So I do this And I turn around and there's a guy that stands up and goes Hey, you know sally or whatever I'm standing like this, right? But in my mind, right? I go, I'm going to Pretend someone's behind her So I go and she looks at me. I go no, not you right But there was no one there was no one behind her

She turned around there was literally no one behind her. So I was like the paranormal There's a ghost she goes over the dude. She's like that poor schizophrenic asian boy I looked so crazy because not only did I do that, but I go like that and there's no one there Oh god, hey me no I know you her. Yeah, but now when people wave to me even if I know them Even if I know them, I don't do a thing right away. Why just in case I just go In case it's not for you. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding you because you get nervous There's been 10 times in my life that that's happened where because also when you you get

Maybe I'm narcissistic But especially when you're a comedian. Yeah, and because people come up to you, right? You're at you're at a star box. People often will say hi buying a what's up, dude I'm a fan of your podcast or mad tv or whatever it might be, right? And I'm cool about I'll go. Thanks, dude or whatever, right? But it's like sometimes people will just go smile at you And you don't want to be rude So you smile back, but yeah, you do. Yeah. No, I smile back. Yeah. Yeah. I smile back. You have to you have to smile back But if if it but now I'm a little more you're weary. No if they smile, I'll just

Yeah, there is an awareness Have you ever had it where somebody knows who you are at like a coffee shop or a place you go to all the time and you don't know their name You know when you go enough? Oh, yeah, and you don't know their name. Oh, yeah And it feels really bad when they're like, hey, all right, Bobby take it easy, man And I'm there all the time. No, because I'm there all the time. I don't feel bad about that. I don't give a fuck I say what thanks, dude There's a captain you can say chief. I should know his name. No, you don't know. I see him every day Do you know his name now? No. Yeah

He's probably no he hears this He's the next time I go and he's like what? Yeah, what do you want? My brother worked at a fucking coffee bean on sunset boulevard and Um, art more. Oh, yeah, I know. Yeah I think our no lost promise Yeah, so In Hollywood, yeah in Hollywood, right and he used to work with this guy named donny

Fucking donny donny, right? And donny would always like fucking drop names Like famous people. Yeah, but they weren't famous Hey, man, fuck you can't even believe who came in here, man You're not gonna fucking believe who came in here, man Charlie she's standing man Charlie she's standing man I got a photo with him and everything man. That's huge for that guy. Oh my god. That's big for dying. I hate this town No, you don't love this town

Dude, you won this town. I met fucking raoul jankins, dude He was the stunt man for the nicolardian show blue wave, man And you're like, oh fuck this town Oh No, it's fun. It's great. No, it's really fun. I'm grateful. I love it. You do love it here What are you looking at? You looking at your text massages? Yeah, man You're a busy guy. You're blowing up lately, man. You got new video game contracts Dude, you have a game show. You got video game contracts. You're killing it. What aren't you doing?

What's next for bobby lee? Huh a memoir. You know why I don't take that seriously. Could you ever write? Could you ever write a memo? I don't make fun. Yeah, you do you You're every you're sarcastic. No, I'm not. Yeah, you're not you because you know that you're on davie You know, right? Yeah. Yeah, you know, you've done the disaster artist. Stop it I You know what I mean? I make funny big feature films. Mm-hmm. You know what? I was really hurt I was so disappointed when they didn't fucking nominate you for the disaster

You think that's funny? Yeah, I literally I call my ages. I call the academy I go, how can you not? How they acting. Mm-hmm And you know what you know what you were better that you were better that when brian callan was in the joker He was really good in the joke. Yeah, he was so good in the joker. Hey, how many weeks are left on your game show? Probably a couple more weeks. Are you watching? No, why not? Why it's so good. No, you're being sarcastic I've seen I've seen every episode

What what what did I do last week? Oh my god with the the uh What I do last week. I know you did what the um The one where you eat the bugs were you that was that was the first episode? I was yeah, it feels like it was last week. No Oh, no last week was the tournament of the tournament of turn all the time Yeah, you don't watch it. I do watch it. What I what made me one activity I did last week because I know what I did last Well, you ran at the guy you ran up the guy Didn't you run the gauntlet?

Wait, you ran the guy I watched it. You ran the gauntlet. No. No. Wait. What did you do last week? Here's the thing. You don't watch any of my shit. I don't watch any of your shit. That's the truth Because we don't that's not true. I watch love We we know each other not from that. I know that's true. We I saw you When you were like a young comic. Yeah, and I remember me and uh, what's his name? Saw you. Yeah. Yeah. How's Leonard crowing? He's gone He's in the neighbor's yard. Is he dead now? Who knows you don't check in do you not check in on Leonard crowing? No, we checked in but then we didn't saw him

Oh, no, so he's dead for sure He's dead, right? There's literally no chance. He couldn't be dead It pissed me off, too. It's like she when is the poop still on your patio. Yeah, but when the crow left, right? I go, um All right guys, I'm gonna go sweep up the the balcony no one helped me And I spent hours out there sweeping You know what I mean trying to get the fucking shit. It's it's still shit all over the place You gotta use a hose. I know I understand that but it's like

Not that I could love crows I love anemilia Oh my god, they don't want to hear that what? What was that? I don't know. It wasn't a burp of fart. It was a fart. It was like a yeah, like a fart came out of your mouth I don't I haven't eaten all day, dude. Why because I woke up at 245 and I realized holy shit I have bad friends today. And so Jules was like What were you reading something? She was reading a book on the couch and I go

Let's go Why don't why don't you just make a half a meal? Why don't you have a meal? She ate already I've not eaten I don't you know what I'm gonna get I'm gonna get an acai bowl delivered. That's not food It is Acai bowls like a hundred calories I'll say it builds our Who's it? Nobody

You remember him I love him Hi sweetheart Oh, hey, you're on the podcast. It's bobby lee. You're on the podcast with nick bobby lee Bobby, how are you? Remember you did the movie and you made me audition Oh Did I get an offer? Dude Not the dick. I I I'm doing my best man. Did he get the part? No, I didn't even do it

Huh, were you in the movie? I was yeah Nick, did you make did you make did you make me audition Nick? I Guys, it's not about food No, but I want to ask nick. I love you so much, but did nick Nick didn't it did did Andrew sent you to audition for your movie? No, uh-huh But he's my best friend and I wrote the role for him. That's right. Hmm

Okay, what was there? What was bobby going in for? I don't remember who got it. Who got it was the adam lustig thing I think it was adam lustig cool. Who's adam lustig maybe one of the funniest people on earth He's on a show corporate on comedy central. Oh, he's so fucking funny. He's bigger than me But he's skinnier than you No No, you're like a network guy, man. You're a network guy. See you're a game show guy now Oh, I'm a network guy. Is that why your name? Yeah, if I would have read for it, would I got it?

Yeah, dude, oh You should have auditioned. What's up, Nicholas? I love you. Hey, I was just kidding No jokes on me because the movie didn't do great Do you know any of any of the sales numbers of the film? No, I think we came close to getting their money back, which is that's good. Let's promote the movie. What's it? What is the movie called? Nick little bitches little bitches. Can they get it on itunes, nick amazon, right? Itunes and amazon We have a very big audience here. I love nick nick and I've worked with nick before

Yeah, he's awesome. He's one of my I love he's one of my favorite people in the whole world You're so great. Um, I was just watching the father's day song. Oh, yeah Oh, yeah, it's a hey. Hey, who had a better verse bobby or me? You know, I love you nick So watch little bitches got little bitches. Yeah, little bitches right on itunes and fucking amazon Nick is my boy and then you know what dude next time you do a movie I will read for it. I'll read for it next time I'll read for it next time

Okay Don't worry. I won't get another movie. Yes. I want you to get another fucking. You're so fucking talented Yes, you will you're a fucking talented fucker. All right, Nicholas. You want me to call you? I'll call you later. I'll call you after Love you guys. All right, baby What a good guy he fucking made me read. Yeah, he told me he was gonna make you read He goes out because you know because that what tells me that he's He thinks that I can't act. No, it's not that he doesn't think that you can act. He knows you can act I think he

Didn't know if you could do that character Ah, yeah It was the character was a blind black guy in a wheelchair Oh, yeah, I had to read Yeah, I had to read yet. There's no way that's very difficult. There's no way Yeah, I was gonna do a show that where they said that I had to be in a wheelchair Yeah, and I was like, I don't think I want to do that Yeah, if I got a movie deal, yeah, right and I I wrote a part. Yeah, right. I am casting it

And I I gave an offer to feel Vaughn Yeah, man, right and I offered one to Brian Callan But then your agency here you have to read It's yeah, I'd be mean if you gave roles to other people that would you read for you No, would you read for me? No No, no chance So why is it that I have to read for him because you're because you're a wild card We don't know what you're coming with, you know, you're gonna read for me

No, because you said that you have to read for me. No Yeah, you're my friend, but do you understand how that feels though? I know, but I wouldn't make you read I think you would No, I would a wild card. You are a fucking wild card. Yeah But I wouldn't make you read But I would fuck with you a lot on the set of something without a doubt I'd give you wrong call times you'd show up way too early because I know you'd be late Right

I'd make sure that you only had access to certain amounts of food certain kinds of food certain amounts of food right Well, you think I just need fucking and I would have and I would have a translator for you on set because no one can understand you Oh my god, just speaking of translator. Hmm, you know, Neil Neil Brennan directed a movie called It was with Will Ferrell produced it. It was about the cars Jeremy Piven Piven, right? Yeah, this car salesman movie gave the part to Dr. Ken

But anyway, did you audition for that? Yes. Oh, man, and he got it over you. Yeah I know and I give him shit about every time I see him. I'm being genuine. You didn't audition for the hangover, right? No, they wouldn't see me. God, that would have been crazy for you. Huh? No, we wouldn't have been doing this show You'd be so big You'd be doing it with somebody bigger like shut the fuck up. Anyway, like Joel McCabe. I remember being in the audition though Yeah And doing a pat I did it I did a whole I did a scene a couple scenes. Yes

Neil gets up from I swear to god he does this he gets up from fucking, you know, I mean the couch Or whatever and there's probably eight people in the room He he comes to me And whispers this is what he whispers And not he wasn't even kidding No one can understand what you're saying Why Why I have no idea you're mumbling. I don't know. I thought I did it good because no one can understand what you're saying

How do you take that note? Speak up. No, I did I Did I did it again and they're like, thank you Yeah, you're probably mumbling. No, was it fucking mumbling? Do I mumble now? I do mumble in the business They call you the mom the mumbles. Yeah, do I mumble? I do mumble a little bit Sometimes you mumble your way through words or you say words so incorrectly that it might sound like a mumble Yeah, but I do that purposely for comedy I got it

Is panda express bad for you number one. Is it the best chinese food I've ever had? No number two pf chang's is Oh, it's the number one pf chang's is so good. It's so authentic chinese the lettuce cups Dude, if you fucking went to the most ching chang's town in china, yeah, what is it right and you opened up a pf chang's They would be like, oh my god This is this is high quality. You'd close down all the way. Who is pf? I want to meet him Do you know who pf is? Paul frank the clothing designer. Yes, he owns that. I know paul frank chang frank chang chang that was his name

Yeah, he made shirts and lettuce cups. Yeah, he did he was good. Yeah, paul frank chang No, but I but you don't eat panda express. You know what? I love dog shit Uh You know what here's my qualms about panda express everything. It's bad. It's gross No, there's a couple of good things in there and they have their eggplant So if you live in um the midwest They might not offer this but in some cities

They do is you have a select menu of panda. There are some cities that have eggplant tofu Eggplant tofu fried egg, but what I hate about eggplant tofu is people don't get it, right? So it's like well, you'll go to uh Panda express and it'll say eggplant tofu. You know against the window. Yeah, but there's nothing in it And you go give me eggplant tofu and then they get angry because they have to make it So they always have to go Why why? And then they have to turn to the guy

Eggplant tofu Right and then the the chefs are like We have to go get that shit in the back because no one orders. Yeah, so they have to get the fucking eggplant and tofu and you Could see them making it and not good They don't cook it all the way and they just fucking, you know, I mean there it is that's their slogan pf Panda express it's not cooked all the way the eggplant tofu should be served in every fucking um pf chang Do you eat? Do you eat panda express panda express? Do you like it? Yeah, she likes it What just get just go to a mom-and-pop chinese place. Which one all of them century dragon

Um, um high hot high hot dragon. Yeah, um, um, you know, I wanted I wanted maybe we should we should get chin chin's Chin chin is like chin chin. It's okay. It's okay. Yeah, it's yeah. No, we're gonna go panda again I also can I just say something? I love jersey mikes You do my bad. No, I like it's fine. No jersey. It's a sub. It's a sub. It's a sub above It's it better than fucking subway. No, I don't you know, I don't need that stuff What would you all really fucking you're so fucking snooty, dude? Why you you have your own like meat cutting In my house. I have a meat slicing machine in my house. Oh my god

And then I say to myself I hold it up and I go is that thin enough sir and I go now. Do you do any fast food? Uh, yeah, I do fast food. I just don't like sub sandwiches fast food I like I like a deli a mom-and-pop deli that makes sandwiches Um fast food for me. My vice would be Uh, I fuck with the McFlurry. I mcdonald's will forever be a place in my heart mcdonald's it's mcdonald's Come it's the best breakfast on earth. You can't fuck with that shit. It does. It's it. I will get it I don't give a fuck. It gives me fucking colon cancer. I will fucking does it give you colon cancer? Whatever. Oh Your your ass was petrified from eating too many egg McMuffins

Uh, they get you where is there mcdonald's nearby? Yeah, that's what I'd say. Let's unclog that motherfucker. What time is it? Is it before 10 30? It's all day now. Now. It's all day. Yeah. Remember before it was 10 30 Yeah, there's a you don't know about that. Do you it's 10 15 your traffic? And right and you're like You're a half a mile from a fucking mcdonald's because you and then when you get there at 10 35 And then like sorry we switched it over. We switched. Yeah. Yeah, it's you have the material right there No, it's driving. Yeah. I hate it. No, but I'll fast food it I'll fast food it but but but I but I will say

All the options that we have around us There's so many better burgers. I'd rather go get that fast food burger. I shake shake I it is a good fucking burger. It's a good fucking burger. It's a pretty good place. It's very good. Yeah, but but also I but yeah, but but but but but most of the time most fast food. I don't really I'm not really I don't crave it Like I don't crave Taco bell. Oh my god Do you can I tell you we live in southern california? I'll when they first announced The mexican pizza. Did you know that I drove 100 miles together?

Why isn't there like on every court? No, but they they announced it but like we're mexican pizza And the in my area, they didn't have it. Where was this in san diego or something or when you were up here Yeah, it was san diego. Oh, so I think I drove like To ervine just to get a mexican pizza. Was it worth it? No, no, I go this is a taco, but flat. It's it's not it's not good. No, it's not but you know what what's your fast food rudy? Jolly bee What you don't know jolly bee. It's a food. Oh jolly bee jolly bee is I've seen it right I've lumped jolly bee in the same category as like wiener schnitzel

Yeah places. I don't go yeah wiener schnitzel. Oh, no, you don't fuck wiener schnitzel is one of my favorites pretzel bun pretzel bun those are two words pretzel bun You know why I love a pretzel bun. Why because they don't it's like a thicker boat Yeah, you know how you sometimes you see like that's your nickname now is a thicker boat. Yeah, I love thicker boats Because you oh, yeah, you're chicago dog. Yeah, you go to a fucking ballgame You get a fucking you get that fucking weak-ass steamed bun

It's delicious and the chili seeps through it and it gets destroyed in fucking three minutes. First of all, we don't put Chili dog is in a 15 years. They hold up. Yeah, that's not good. It's good for your stomach. No, it's not 15 years that thing will fucking you could still eat it. So jolly bee is your favorite rude. Yeah What do you get? What do you get there? Um, I get um chicken or the spaghetti This place serves italian and then just chicken You said it was a filipino restaurant. It's not you. I wouldn't consider it spaghetti. It's not filipino It's noodles with some sort of like, you know, I mean suspect sauce

Why did you say it's a filipino place? It's not a filipino. That's where it's from jolly bees. Yeah And so what do you mean? They just do a plate of spaghetti. No, there's different kinds. You can have a burger Um What the fuck is this place any it's everything it's burgers spaghetti. Yeah chicken sandwiches empanadas. Can you get an empanada there? Yeah, yeah, you can get That's you know Do never eat at a fucking restaurant that has three different fucking, you know, I mean three different ethnicities of food Spaghetti empanadas and a burger. Yeah

Yeah, no, that's your favorite jolly bee. Yeah, what else? Nothing else. Is that the one you like the most? McDonald's. Yeah, everybody What's your order at McDonald's? Um Chicken chicken again. He loves chicken chicken nuggets. Fuck up a chicken. Yeah, I like chicken nuggets, too But I want everyone listening to to me hear this if you go to Taco Bell There is something on the menu that's not on the menu But that you can order and they have to make it for you. What is it called? It's one of the original things that Um Taco Bell made

It's called the enchurrito Enchurrito, right, but it's not on the menu, but they have the ingredients for it. They're just hiding it. No They just go it's one of those things when I tell them to make that fucking egg black tofu where they go And they have to make it the enchurrito. Yeah, what is it comes in a black fucking box? It's like a black plate Really? Yeah a plastic black paint. Are you fucking with me right now? It's called the enchurrito. Okay Basically what it is is it's fucking a bean burrito

With inch with um, um enchilada sauce on it Or whatever the red sauces a bean and cheese burrito with red sauce. Yeah, that sounds so good Right and you have to eat it with a fucking spork Because they have sporks there. Yeah, so what I do is I get the enchurrito and I'll just fucking tron fire sauce on it Yeah, it's pretty fucking good man. Maybe I'll go get just an enchurrito get an enchurrito, dude He might not make it for you. Why because I look like this Maybe why would you get it and I wouldn't get it? Because they'll probably deny they deny it at first

We don't make it make the enchurrito. Is there a secret password? What you go make it. Oh, this just you flick them off Fucking make it. Yeah. You just flick them off and they make it for you. Yeah. Yeah Well, we don't want to promote people flicking off people at Taco Bell. No, please don't do that but fast food is um fast food It's a good thing. I I love it. I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't eat it all the time But I I don't if you don't eat it all the time if it's a daily thing It's probably not good for you. It's not good for you

But it's I've been in a in an emergency before like a month or two. I'll go buy not eat any fast food But like, you know, you have to be somewhere at six. Yeah, it's five o'clock Yeah, you've been working all day like meetings or auditions or whatever And you're getting that headache. Oh, I know that I know you're tired that sugar. I don't have it right now I have a headache because I haven't eaten all day. Right. Yeah, and um, thank you for being a bad friend Are you tired of aching calves from line dancing rock climbing or karate try green stuff? Our scientifically patented formula combines the carnivorous tree of the amazon with the dust of captured angel's wings for a once in a lifetime cure

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