Bad Friends - Broken Butts & Bubba Gumps

Episode Date: January 30, 2023

Thank you to our Sponsors: https://www.doordash.com code: BADFRIENDS2023 & https://rocketmoney.com/badfriends & https://betterhelp.com/badfriends & https://www.zocdoc.com/badfriends YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com 0:00 Graffiti Cheeseburger to Celebrate the New Year 4:22 Cheerleaders, Jocks and Band Nerds 16:00 RIP Waffler69 23:04 Santino's Got Married at Bubba Gump and Juicy's Never Been to Universal Studios 29:08 The Bad Friends Sesame Street Crossover 36:05 The Husband Calling Competition 49:27 Bobby's New Secret Podcast & The Beef with Andrew 57:58 Are You Famous? 1:07:10 My Son So Dumb, IQ 21 1:19:09 Tipping in America  More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger:  https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino  Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Juicy Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jetskijohnson/?hl=en More Rudy Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendrudy More Fancy Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fancyb.1 More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/   Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod   Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom  Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: 7EQUIS https://www.7equis.net/ Podcast Producers: Andrés Rosende & Pete Forthun This video contains paid promotion. #bobbylee #andrewsantino #badfriends Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You two are bad friends. You are these two idiots. Why dude? I'm an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. You two are something. We're bad friends. I do want to say, welcome back Happy New Year.

Happy New Year. It's been a long time. Welcome back and happy new year. I hope everybody is watching Cheeseburger on Netflix, my brand new Netflix special. I hope you went into the theater. Of course they did. What is this?

Happy birthday dude. What is this? I don't know what it is. Oh, Cheeseburger for my special. Pete. Yeah. Yay. Oh.

Cheeseburger. Thank you guys. Yeah. And now we can't eat that because of all the chemicals. I can't have graffiti on my hamburger. That's insane. Is this a Banksy now? Can we sell this?

Yeah. Because that's street art now. Thank you guys. That's very nice of you. Yay. Bobby get a cheeseburger. Everybody gets one. Oh, they're warm.

Are these in and outs? Yes. Baby. Oh, thank you. And ladies and gentlemen, welcome back in the New Year 2023. It's the juice. The juice. Yeah.

Is loose. She's so, she's so full of herself. I love it. What's going on? She needs direct hellos. Oh. I've been driving up to this comedy store. She's doing the lot.

She now needs direct hellos. I'm working a lot. This is what I love. Minimum wage. I'm paying my dues. Bobby comes through. Your choice, by the way. We're not forcing you to work there.

That's true. I'll give you that. We would have to pay her more money so she doesn't have to. That's right. This is work though. So we're here. Work though now. I'm working the lot.

I'm working the lot. I'm working the lot. I'm working the lot. I'm working the lot. I'm working the lot. I'm working the lot. And Bobby peels in. It's a small lot.

He peels in. He gets on the car. I go, whoa, speed racer. He looks at me like. Doesn't say nothing. Yeah. This right here is like, you know what, dignitaries in Korea. Say that to other dignitaries.

That's the highest honor. To do a little black tag. Like attitude. It wasn't an honor. You were looking at me because you were with a beautiful woman. like why are you talking to me right now and you didn't say hi to me and then I laughed and I was like okay and then you go you need medication and then you walked away I got a lot fun of the girl yeah yeah I mean you need medicate

you're right I made it seem like that you were like kind of like what for 30 minutes driving up I go there's a right right so don't even lock eyes with her yeah I mean she's very strong and I did this whole thing and then I did and she only communicates by the head right so I did the head thing right she giggled and we walked in the club and why the medication line yeah really say that line yeah did you tip on the way out in front of the girl no whoa that's unusual but you apologize I didn't apologize well the truth be known if you want what's what are you doing thank you Pete guys grab a cheeseburger what are

you the truth be known I've been so used to calling you juicy I know what is your real name I don't know you don't know real name it's Jason or Jeffrey I just get ski is it all right if I introduce you as juicy them from now on yeah all right but I'm a man it's Jesse ski mask is a new one yeah so is it Jessica yeah oh yuck yeah middle name Brooke Jessica Brooke what sorority were you in I'm Jessica Brooke and I'm an ad pie totally different route yeah dude you could have been a hardcore you could have been like a were you a cheerleader in high school no marching band oh that's

right fucking nerd but you know what they say about kids in the band school shooters later I was gonna say they're like freaks they're like aren't they aren't the band kids like the horniest kids on earth oh yeah we're doing a lot of mouth stuff what like with the instruments oh yeah what do you call the group out of what group I was I was the guy underneath the bleachers what do you call that pervert oh that's right yeah we call those per week and stuff back there yeah still perfect oh because you want to look at people you want to look people not during the game it was during the day okay all right we're doing

the football game I'm looking up yeah yeah check it out dude you can see your bush yeah in high school were you like let me guess I was in the shed in the football shed yeah the equipment shed I was in the equipment shed you were half koala bear no no no I would they would stuffed me in there oh I see no like standard ginger free you weren't you weren't the jock like you are in the popular like jockey kind of guy I kind of told this weird line because I like drugs I liked weed a lot and most of my friends were potheds like my closest group of friends my my best friend from high school we met smoking ditching

class and getting high yeah so that was my crew was like but I also played sports so I could mingle with both but I wasn't I was never committed you know what I mean yeah like but sometimes I go to popular cool kids parties and I'd bring people that they wouldn't like all right right you know I mean like the cool kids didn't like that I traveled with kids who also had drugs and arrest records so it was like this weird like Santino's cool but you can't bring these other guys and it's like well then I'm gonna leave really well because those guys got drugs I gotta go with the guys that have drugs right your house is nice

but I gotta go get high so you one of those guys that probably was were friends with everyone I had a I had a lot of friends in different groups I was pretty cool about like I had a lot of groups yeah like I knew kids in insert and all different like vectors for me it's if I went to school now now I would be friends with the ones that like are a little cool right because if they come yeah right that they might give you a pass right right right this is it this is the reenactment yeah give yourself to Jesus yeah Bobby Lee yeah remember I give you the tootsie the tootsie roll guy to see roll guy hey I love you thanks can

you point oh sorry sorry yeah I love you you want to know the tootsie put throat in my mouth yeah and then and then you're a hero you stop a school shooter yeah yeah I'd be like yeah like I've been practicing throwing tootsies in people's mouth years and I just knew I timed it out you know he opened his mind just whipped it right in his mouth 60 minutes to do a piece about you at your home with like a little target setting with right sticky tootsies and you're throwing it against the wall yeah or I could take it a pest dispenser I could throw the pest opposite way yeah what were you juice were you cool kid

at high school I was like you in a sense where I had friends with a lot of different groups yeah I was friends with the marching band the orchestra the choir oh no that's all the same one yeah she's like flags right the brass section the woodwinds woodwinds were the shit yeah I knew nobody in that section but I I guess the only musicians I knew were like guys like you what kind of me guys like me well guys that did drugs and experimental like I was friends with a lot of those kind of jazz musicians no no no no no no no what the fuck you talk about Jesus how long have you known us jazz yeah I went to this high

school field trip to we went to a college to watch the college jazz band play and they this guy took me like one of the student teachers took me into this car ride with one of the college trumpet players and I thought oh cool I'm gonna hang out with them before their big concert they rolled this giant blunt and we drove around Flagstaff Arizona just smoking this blunt and then they were like oh shit we got to get her back to class and they dropped me off and I was just high as shit and I know my whole band could sell I was like I was gonna get in so much trouble but I mean that's the best way to learn jazz yeah that is

real one time we skipped out and I had it was the end of the year and we had chemistry and in chemistry they told us we were gonna do tie-dye and chemistry for me was right after lunch and I was like all right so we're gonna go get stoned at lunch and then we'll come back and do tie-dye shirts because that was kind of like you know at the end of the lesson plan season they're like just fucking something related to the subject a little bit they're not trying at all the teachers yeah so this woman was like we'll just do tie-dye right and everyone was stoked so we went out and got stoned and this particular day I

remember my buddy John Martichus was like he's like this is purple haze and I was like okay dude what you know like the names of weed at some point we were like yeah sure did whatever it's all the same yeah let's get high and I got so unbelievably high that I remember walking up to the stairs to go back into the gymnasium and seeing them it was like three levels and I got nervous about how long it was gonna take me to get up all the stairs and then I as soon as I finished that that one goal done then it was getting to the classroom wow almost impossible wow got there was so fucking high she knew something was wrong I couldn't tie

die couldn't figure it out it's the only thing you should be able to because the rubber bands I didn't understand she was explaining how you could do the rubber bands in different ways and I just fucked it up every I would fuck it up I overdip and then under dunk your shirt came out perfectly orange yeah it's this shirt this is the shirt that I made it's just all black I just feel like it's the simplest thing to do that's like Jackson Pollock painting I was so like you can't do that I know do but I was just I was it was uncomfortably high I couldn't focus I was getting nervous about everyone thinking that I was acting

weird did you have in your school did you have do you have to raise your hand to go to the bathroom or could you just leave now you absolutely had to ask we had to have hall passes dude because we had so many kids who would ditch or skip and all that shit yeah you'd have a fucking hall pass do you remember that guys suck we had one girl that could just leave she was no no it turns out she was bar I swear I don't want to see her name but her name is very like that's what you had to call it yeah we had a couple of those oh you were in the special class maybe I was I had to wear a helmet is that bad but I made you wear

a football helmet yeah yeah no we had we had a couple of kids that had Tourette's that were allowed to come and go as they pleased when they felt like they were overwhelmed this girl was born without an anal muscle I gotta go that's enough for me what I mean no what do you mean she was put with no anal muscle we just got to get it's just got a little ass weight I guess back in the day they did a drawstring so she had a little drawstring I'm not kidding you dude yeah and you close it up that way I guess this day right it was a little wet fucked up the drawstring right and it kind of un you know opened up a bit oh no so she

was able to go walk out and every time she would walk out the whole class would know everybody but you I can see her drawstring yeah yeah no but she and her I can't see no do not say her name I know but I'm gonna tell you why I'll tell you why I have to say her name and then you have to beep it out right okay her name was no way that's what her name was what right so it's so you have to understand this is your anus yeah so um yeah we were girl and she was hot as far she was so hot yeah well so then who cares about the anal leak right she was a leaker but she was hot yeah I mean which could you did the thing was it installed her

pulley system was that installed well you think her parents did it like well I mean a doctor or did she do it is it a thing that she does in my mind it's like you mean it's like a tampon string the six out of no like flushing it's like flushing an old chain toilet or like my chimney my chimney has a chain that opens the flap no one ever brought it up to her but you all knew but it was just kind of like folklore and from what I've gathered right there was a surgical process so some so a doctor installed it though yeah you know it's not a home cook kit I guess they surgically implanted like a string inside the

tush yeah the anal where the anal muscle supposed to be right and then it it comes out of the flesh I guess you draw it like that I got a question like a pool cue yeah I guess like a pool you got to be careful you don't you know me got to keep a steady hand yeah you one slip and you're in yeah cuz there's no barrier there if you have no anal muscles I imagine at any point it can just give way it's a kind of an arrow yeah yeah right it's a more of a legless arrow and you have to hold it against you hold it against your cheek it goes right

against your cheek and your art look at your arms starts to shake yeah yeah no much longer I could hold it can you imagine the stress yeah this poor girl by the way I hope her buttholes fixed well I'm sure technology probably not though huh how do you did they have robotic anal buttholes now can you just well you know like you know they have they give you bovine hearts you know that right you could get a cow's heart or cows valves installed let the heart but their valves really bovine for cows so I imagine maybe they do a bovine asshole can you get a bovine butthole anal steroids anal stenosis is the anal

opening too small or does not relax open properly this may be treated with surgery then enlarge the anal opening I think she had the other problem I think it was too big you had to she had to wind it down an anal reduction oh yeah she had a reduction yeah I mean if they're doing all that work on her ass why don't they just put a new butthole in just install a new one yeah see you know that's the problem with your generation yeah you got to fix what's going on you don't understand yeah don't throw it away nose yeah like it's no the anal is what they're doing you can't get other things I want Botox on my

cheeks my nose and you know you can't do that your generation just wants to throw stuff away exactly something new how about fixing what you got when it's a broken ass I think just fix it fix it the whole is the half the whole thing isn't broken yeah it's not shat it's not yeah the ass is beautiful it was a great ass yeah the hole was broken and that's fine sometimes the whole breaks I'm saying replacing I bet you there's somebody out there right now getting their ass broken right and as we speak that's an interesting question so um I'm not you know an ass guy I've never had it in my I have had in my ass but yeah

what do you know you're right that's how it started started the show but um what I'm saying are there people that get anally you know people have sex with them anally and there does their butthole do they does it deteriorate sure does oh I see no it sure does in fact and prolapsing is a big problem you know about prolapsing don't you know the tail the tail the tail when the tail come yeah yeah when your inner when your innings come out yeah that's a real thing you can break your butt for sure I would do that though you break your butt I would keep it out you know what I do for Halloween I would put glue on it and

put fur on it so it looks like I'm like a rat tail or something someone comes to the door you're like trick-or-treat or like what's your costume you turn around like yeah yeah but I would do the ears and everything the ears the little whiskers what are you Fox a little fox I don't know what I have a little it depends on how long the tail is right well right imagine yours is pretty long real you got three foot tail yeah like the upper intestines are in the it all fell out yeah in that day it all fell out I want to give a shout out by the way moving on from this disgusting conversation because we've

lost some listeners God bless rest in peace to somebody we featured on the show I've been getting tweeted for the past two days waffler six nine passed away this dude we showed him eating Batman series he died how he died of a heart attack I think is that right or am I wrong it's right and he died a few days after he DM us to be on the show yeah he DM'd and wanted to be on the show and the guy fucking passed away so rest in peace waffler six nine that is very very sad because we do I thought he was so funny I know what we got to do we hit we what we got to get a Ouija board to talk to

waffler six nine it needs to be a guest still I mean we have the board yeah we have one oh we do we have a fucking we oh wow these guys buy stuff sometimes without our permission would you have that well I gotta tell you what they also Pete bought a condo on our company car well Pete also goes it's a business expense and I was like how and he's like because I do business there and so we let it be put a condo on the company card isn't that true on the bad friends card yeah that's I mean I guess we got to support it I don't know he's got a family do you know do we want to take it away from him yeah we

definitely should yeah he's the guy if you ever want to he said I'm the guy in the post if you ever want me on the show eating weird shit with you I'm here for me I really got sad just I got really a sad yeah no no dude I'm not and you know what's funny people tweeted at me for the past like two days or whatever and I haven't responded to the tweets because I just didn't know what to say like I don't want to make any sort of inclination or joke about it because it was really fucking sad and we featured him on the show because I thought he was very funny and his shit was his page was filled with fun hilarious shit and he

was very self-aware of like his brand so it was a fucking bummer man because rest in peace Lisa Marie died too from a heart attack who Lisa Marie Presley yeah yeah shut the fuck up are you joking it's 54 yeah she died two days ago or three days ago for the heart attack well this episode will be out in like a month yeah but still it's still what the fuck really yeah crazy and in the mom's still alive Priscilla and she's a 70 yes she's 77 wait she's 77 how old is Lisa how old is this 54 so young so young Lisa me song singers aren't a daughter of Elvis dies at 54 yeah Jesus sucks so when you what's going on what do we want to die

from heart attacks not really though what do you mean is this from the is this yeah is this from the Biden administration yeah is this some working from the body yeah the world new world order though what but seriously though this is sad it's so sad but you know but by the way Elvis is only child you know that he didn't have any other kids that we know of yeah so that's it cuz Elvis's legacy now there is no boy Elvis he didn't have a boy well he did have a two-child children though gone he had right he had her Lisa Marie and his wife oh yeah yeah she was a child she was she was yes she was yeah two kids

yeah that is so fucked man that wow sad is that hurt he did he die of a heart how is that not in the movie what no one brings it up in the fucking movie cuz they don't want to tarnish I know yeah like no one one guy just too young in the movie you know they're gonna make a well when Michael Jackson comes like what are they gonna do when they make a film about him and by the way who would play Michael out of you too no wow that was Michael Jackson what was that we just got the wiggy bored out you guys got the fucking wiggy bored and that just fell on its own yes in the fucking year and a half that's never fallen okay let's

talk to him I'm dead serious that's I wish we could dim the lights oh we can dim the lights these don't dim I can turn them off okay turn one off so we can talk to him waffler six nine and Pete can you get back on the board so we can understand what his real name was so I don't just call him waffler six nine cuz I don't know if his pant family would be chill about that because I want to respect the dead by the way I do want to say this let's respect the dead yeah we are we are a we might not need this no no no we should okay all right we do want to respect the dead let's see if we can talk to him okay is this fucking

mean it's a little mean all right we should I felt like I just felt like weird something something hit me in a weird yeah I regret it okay let's not do the Ouija board yeah I just felt weird something felt weird right yeah you've got back-to-back meetings errands to run and chores to take care of what's the secret to clearing your to-do list a little help from DoorDash you can get dinner household essentials and everything on your grocery list delivered you ever pull in your driveway after you went to the grocery store and you're like dude I forgot that one thing I forgot cardamom yeah now you have options get

the groceries you need get a backup meal from your favorite local restaurant delivered right to your door with DoorDash honestly I every meal I get from DoorDash every single day yeah it's the most reliable of the of those apps I've spent all the money from this show on DoorDash and it's fine well they've got over 300,000 partners you can support your neighborhood go-tos or you can choose from your favorite national restaurants like Popeyes Chipotle and Bobby's favorite cheesecake factory we both use it it is amazing of course most of you know what it is use DoorDash right now and for a limited time our

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going to rocket money comm slash bad friends that's rocket money comm slash bad friends the rocket money comm slash bad friends have you eaten at bubble gump bubble gum shrimp yeah are you fucking serious there's one at the universal city where do you think I got married oh that's right I put my feet in Bob we're not friends enough for you to invite me to your marriage wedding I went it was at bubble gump at universal city yeah I was never invited because it was at Universal Studios you're not allowed there that's where that's where that's a couple years ago yeah have I

been to bubble gump yeah so fucking loosely not I know but we should try why because every time I walk by there I go that can't be good well let's go okay you know what have you been to bubble gump I've never experienced Universal either you know the city walk or no you don't try that with us I've never been to Maestro she's good at this she wants free shit I would love to go to Universal with you guys but yeah also I have never been you've never been to Universal Studios yeah what about the city walk though I've been there on work as a production assistant getting release forms oh I see but you've never

been as a tourist as a tourist no yeah there are two different things city walk is you could just walk it's a mall city walk was okay yeah the studios of the park the studios is the park you've never been to the park never been to the park insane we have to go we have to go and also you know we have to do yeah now because technically I work for the mouse you know I technically work for the mouse yeah you do well Hulu is owned by Disney it is yeah whoa they own everybody Disney owns us do you know we sold this show to Disney hold on one second hi kids do you want three for one passes this weekend click on the link

below so we just have to do that every once in a while was that Elmo yeah that was Elmo from Disney Elmo was the tickle me Elmo was such a creepy thing it's the best it's creepy to be like do you know who create you know who created Elmo right it's a fuck sure a Japanese guy no Kevin Shields Kevin clash right Kevin clash from the band the clash no no kept so dude dude listen to me do I am all right this black guy okay what is wait a minute what what do you mean the way you said it you were like tell you why though a black guy I know because would you because they don't like puppets they love puppets you said

Japanese well that seemed reasonable I know they create most things with Kevin clash right right that's his name right yeah so he grew up in Baltimore yeah focus focus I'm listening right he grew up in Baltimore and in instead of like you know a very not an urban kind of environment go on is that not the right word what do you mean by urban yeah buildings yeah like there's buildings the urban outfitters oh there's oh yeah you grew up in an urban outfit alright so bad bad bad records yeah yeah yeah yeah cheap pillows but my point is so Kevin clash so yeah and he you know you know all of his brother sisters you know they

went to school you know played sports isn't that did you say brothers and sisters what did you say brothers and sisters oh his brother yeah I didn't hear what you said oh diamond died we'll get to that all right everybody's dead and by the way every episode should be called everybody anyway time until we get back to remind me of diamond right but um so he he would like watch sesame Street and goes I want to make that and so he would go to his mom's you know his dad's like fur coat and just make puppets out of it his mom's fur coat you mean don't black people or men work for coats isn't that funny they do why don't

we do that are we not allowed to wear fur coats as I know but black dudes were black yeah yeah no they still do I saw a guy outside wearing a fur coat yeah that's cool yeah you sound you selling like watches charging cords yeah for like the iPhone why are you guys whispering well because if we like we're not supposed to be talking about it we're bad boy stuff and no one can hear us if we whisper nobody so anyway he but then he went from that environment got to meet you know Frank Oz and everybody and then so he works at Sesame Street and the Elmo they had two other guys had Elmo for years he Elmo had different voices he

had one time it almost sounded like this how did that work out didn't work that and didn't not good take your pants off yeah take your pants off why was he take your pants on monster he naked like me I'm Elmo yeah yeah so he was like that another guy got women yeah and then one day one guy just threw it at Kevin like you take this puppet no one could figure out and he sat with a puppet and he goes on he's done his nuts as hard as he can get there I mean he had to like have someone kick him in the dick before he performed because he's like he looks like a big guy he's a big dude like how was his voice get that high he's a pro so

tell me where he sat he sat in the mirror with this red thing right and then he did he goes every puppet my bed needs a point of view yes that's how they do it yeah they find a point of view yes one loves kids too much oh yeah that's not fall up against by the way yeah that's why he said he said about what he did but he goes is pure what what wait he's pure almost pure juice you know okay he's not okay oh he's not pure gay Elmo is pure what it's one word Elmo is pure joy joy no love love love love that's what love and that's what and then it became and now Kevin Clash became the showrunner of Sesame Street and he's still doing it today I think so yeah millionaire love

that story yeah yeah millionaire this guy because his heart is so beautiful that this guy's got a really good heart yeah and it's true and you can feel it through Elmo because when you listen and see Elmo this is interesting this I'm being genuine don't be mean because I'm a huge fan of Kevin Clash come on buddy yeah I'm saying what's interesting is the embodiment of the of the puppet is based on the attitude of the puppeteer that's right so in the Sesame Street world yeah she is Elmo that's right you are Cookie Monster Cookie Monster yes yes you are you are the groucher the groucher you love the show the one the green

in the in the tan by the way groucher sounds like the European version yeah when we're like Oscar the grouching like he's good we start grouching me start the grouch you're Oscar 100% live in the trash yeah Elmo grouch Cookie Monster yeah and and that's Bert and Ernie I've ever seen two guys that are secretly fucking we don't know about him is Big Bird Big Bird Big Bird yeah for sure Bryce is snuffle up against Bryce Bryce is snuffle up yes yeah he shuffles around the office you guys fucking see it yeah who's Carlos beaker no beakers no beakers from Muppets Muppets yeah different Sesame Street oh fuck I fucked it up Carlos

is what about that because I want to know the difference between Muppets let's see if I can get this right okay do you know much about it I just realized they're different when you said yeah right so the dog right yeah which one's that that Muppets that's a mutt what's his name pooch no what's his name what's his name animal animal you're thinking of animals no no animal is the drummer the drummer yeah what is the dog's name right there you had it up top Rolf Rolf the dog can I tell you something right now I'm Rolf no the Chinese version of the show same same no no I was gonna say we're using the Chen Chinese name to

pronounce him it originally was wolf and they were like yeah yeah roll fall no Rolf is if you watch Sesame Street yeah if you watch Sesame Street yeah you look at their version of Big Bird if he has a little thing he opens his stomach and you can see his and Rolf is in the stomach oh my god yeah cuz big boys the Chinese yeah right they ate Rolf by the way this what's weird about Rolf that picture that you're showing right there you know he's blind that's why they have him looking up like right Rolf is blind dude that's a look of every girl that sees my penis for the first time that is so funny that is literally

because she's smiling kind of it's okay oh so it's like should I should I put it yeah like she's on the fan she's also dead inside she's dead on the inside yeah she or you're watching her die right or I should have gone to college or I should have got this dating app or whatever that is so funny yeah and then I know that look that is so is Carlos Rolf I don't mean that oh that's Muppets that's Muppets yeah give us the cast of Sesame Street yeah no I wanted so let me let's do a game okay yeah so Rolf is right Miss Piggy Muppets yeah yeah right Kermit the Frog Muppets Muppets yeah the vampire count the count you think

the count is Sesame Street there there's a crew oh that's a crew is that Bob Sackett on the top yeah that wow who is that so what a weird see the ones I remember Oscar yeah I don't what about the little one right there with the pink with the blonde hair what was that who never seen that that's Jules yeah that's Jules oh that's Jules yeah that's Jules that's Jules in a wig and oh boy that's what's his name next to him what the blue man what's wrong with me Grover oh Grover yeah maybe that's Carlos that's Carlos go over a little bit go over those burners you guys yeah what's the big blue one in the back Eric Griffin what is

his name nobody knows you guys you know you have kids Pete how do you not know this I don't pay attention yeah good dad see this is the new thing about Sesame Street they've added over the years to the goal that's what it is yeah yeah but there's the count right there kicking it hard you know what the problem with the count was what they they kind of would make fun he wasn't like in the main click he was like his own guy and they found out years later why no one got a long he's he's on the spectrum he's autistic well because at first they were like it's cool he knows how to count yeah well he never stops yeah oh it

doesn't stop like in he'll count like when he stepped when he's walking just like 400 right so he's autistic that's why I did not know that that's your right yep yeah he just yeah autism ask this guy a date be like when you know Wednesday Wednesday you know in in November of 1912 you know he would he'll know yeah you know exactly you know he knows dates probably too that's I'm saying yeah well he doesn't know that one boy's talking about it he's Jewish well he's from Eastern Europe oh yeah yeah yeah cuz I've asked him I was like the count where your ancestors from he's like we're from Nebraska and I was like

that's weird what what yeah like where your parents parents from and he goes from Maine so you guys went from Maine to Nebraska yeah Sesame Street and I was like what about before then he's like that was a different time all together ah and then whatever I got what about the Holocaust one two right that's what yeah three and he goes to six million he'll start counting he goes all the way to six million and then at the end he goes that's how many people died no way that at the end he goes he'll go he goes he goes five million nine hundred nine thousand ninety nine yeah six million so they say so they say right so they say

why wow weird guy okay weird guy show me that thing I just sent you guys the other day will you please yes these guys got some this this okay this is a real thing this happens every year in the state of Iowa it's called the husband calling competition I was put on to this from the internet this is a fucking real competition at the county fair and you can look at the photo you can tell it's Iowa and this is a real competition that people win every year look at that look at the crowd to yeah oh yeah yeah they didn't like my Trump joke yeah that does better than a Rick Glassman show this is this is sorry Rick he's gonna

snap he's gonna kill you he's gonna murder you let's hear let's hear the husband calling this country push wasps again this is the greatest country in the world you're lucky to be here exactly scumbag did you have a little meter of penis is going down it's just like all the you know they you know they take Viagra and see if they could still stay hard yeah I mean this is incredible I love it I love it yep that's the one sturdy base on this girl man she's got it incredible hey yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah John brown it yeah and crazily enough CBS is gonna

make a show on us there's gonna be a whole sitcom husband calling they should also have the responses the husband calling so oh yeah yeah you know some of her like no okay so it's either that or it's call my call me all right like whatever my name yes my love see that's it all right so no give me no one I'll give you another one Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy yeah babe that's that perfect yeah babe that's perfect yeah that's what most guys do yeah babe all right you do I want to try let's see if you're okay ready let's see if you're if this is a real woman that lives in your home let's say you're

in love you find you find new love how hot is she because if it looks like damn oh but hey careful why do I have to be careful these are real people I love them and they ever ever right but what I'm saying is is that if they look like this woman right there okay if that woman look like Megan Fox still your response to be a little different she might have like 50 years ago 50 70 you wish this is this is 50 years yeah all right so so let's hear let's hear ready yeah all right now I'm Megan Fox yeah very calm yeah she's pissed I doesn't matter you call you bring her I don't want to start a fight

because in 45 minutes I want to tag it do you want to hit it I want to hit that what do you have to come in with like a mellow vibe did and then at some point yeah one day she goes Bobby Bobby Bobby Bobby turn off your video games yeah I want you to meet Machine Gun Kelly because speaking of machine I met him two days ago you're speaking to him right now it's so weird that you said his name I met him in the he was in the main room did you know that yeah yeah what's up I'm it's me what up hey machine hey man it's mr. gun Kelly it's mr. Kelly all right I'll call you mr. gun

then mr. gun Kelly please Kelly how are you what you what you're doing in my house about to fuck your girl dog whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa explain to me what you would do about it for what I would do is I would probably delete every album you know I have a viewer oh bomber won't do shit to me dog and then he just starts eating glass he's on Dave by the way he didn't know he did we announced that Dave season three is April 5th and he's one of the people we could talk about cool he's a great guy him Megan Fox Don Cheadle usher Rick Ross they're on Dave yeah all these people hey now I saw a promo

Gato posted today and it was in front of a tour of us that's right yeah we're on tour this season and we're on and we're on tour this way which one what kind of they're doing a musical tour though no no on the show we did a bus tour oh you did it's the stand-up comedy tour stand-up comedy tour Gator would rip I love Dave would do well too it's kind of weird it is a great they all would do well it is a good guy I kind of want to say the other names that are on the show to blow your fucking mind but I don't know can't do it I know I know it's so weird can't you have one guy I'm not gonna say it what you have one guy probably

the biggest star on planet Earth yeah and you have his parents I have his pants yeah and it's also a little shocking that we had to talk at FX yesterday we had the press thing yesterday the TCA's which is by the way nightmare one of the worst things imaginable I almost grabbed the wheel of the driver's car to crash we on the way there so I thought if we get in an accident on the way there I won't have to do it did you ever do these but imagine they wheel me in on a gurney they're still asking me questions the press room Andrew how did you feel about this role this season I'm like I'm proud to be a

part of a show that it's so much your ship they would fucking never let me out of it did you ever have to do this where you have to wake up at four in the morning and call in they have 80 radio stations yes yes from four in the morning yes like nine yes and you're sitting there just talk oh my god it's the worst it's so hard it's so hard on your it's hard on your patience level because you go like room to room to room to room in a hotel in a fancy hotel and you sit and you talk to someone on a zoom computer or you talk to someone you know in like a quick fire rapid format question and it's all it's so hard it's

not fun but they know it's not fun but we were the we were the fucking the funnest one probably no dude we were the oh I mean I'm sorry as far as like the network goes because all the shows are there from oh we were the who gives the shits all right yeah the whole thing was about the bear the bear is they won a golden globe and because Jeremy Ellen White is the fucking man yeah and it's so funny was sterling there from our reservation dogs reservation dogs wasn't our day that's they are not our day our day was justified bear dear mama oh dear mama yeah the tupac the tupac about tupac and his mother but what's funny to me

is like the whole fucking thing is supposed to be fx presents that day it's all about the bear that the bar napkins had the bear had yes chef on them oh my god Maddie Matheson our boy was there though our boyfriend and on the way out this is how demeaning this is this this show is taking the cake for the network for sure but this is how demeaning it is you went to an fx premiere party for your show and they handed you a gift box to go and it was compliments of the bear bear merch at my house so I was driving how does that make you feel like shit yeah like shit yeah yeah no if I'm being genuine no jokes it

doesn't I don't care I'm proud for those guys I think they're making a good show Christopher the crew the one of the executive producer and creators writers he's the fucking man so it's kind of like I like everybody on that fucking thing Lionel's on there who's the shit like I like that show I think they do a good job I have I have qualms with it because I'm from Chicago that's a whole different thing but you know that's that's because anything from your hometown you're gonna be like that's a little not like a but but you know what but it was did it hurt our ego not mine but I saw that some of the other

castmates were a little bit bummed that they felt like they were you know how does it feel that you know your Netflix special Netflix you're on a hit series Dave series regular regular and your partner's got nothing going on that's not true at all you forgot house party house party that's not right and beef on a 24 with Ali Wong and Steven Young so and the movie called scrambled an indie indie movie I just said that just made some of the festivals which is going to be huge how does it feel I got and I got nothing going on and can I tell you the most important thing on my entire calendar yeah it's

the bad friends tour in 2023 that feels good thank you and I mean every single second of it that's all I have that's it oh was that right yeah I just went I do clear in your February schedule yeah you never reach not going to magnum pi again or oh can I say something yeah please I make a dollar on that show really yeah really yeah dollar a dollar dude you're all right that's your series regular on a show I'm reoccurring I love Magnum but it's like not the same thing you know it's not the same thing I don't know what you get paid you're different than me

right and then it's like I got nothing it's fine I'm asking you but it's a dollar how does it feel good does it feel good I feel pretty good right now okay you're on top of the world but yeah but there's so much going on only congratulations the only thing I care about is magnum pi I'm sorry I'm sorry yeah okay the magnum thing is cool because the it's at the comedy store we're all really excited for that one of those episodes the manager there Ryan yeah Patrick Shaddick he is in the episode

with Bobby we can't wait it's yeah we're really excited you know now I talked to the you know the producer stuff to get him apart he says no every time but anyway that's not true it's hard to get you it's hard to get I wasn't in season you're you're you're on fire I was in season when you asked me no I as you're fucking you know what you're right I am Garfunkel Bob I'm Garfunkel yeah I'm that other guy from where I'm I know who you're what your name no no no no people know what your name is you know who you are what

you're Andre 3000 and I'm and I'm big boy from outcast that's a huge compliment that is he is a genius and he had to go do his own thing and big boy had to do some more business minded stuff and then he says it I don't know he says it I don't know he does it in the song give me another exam because I don't know that I don't know he says because my n-word had to go and do a little acting and that's for anybody asking yeah drip drip drop there goes an eargasm we got you coming out the side of your face and tapping right into your memory banks thanks what he says was my boy had to go do his thing

yeah but god bless we're still homies we're outcast I'm big boy you're Andre 3000 and she's one of the she's part of the dungeon family I don't know which one yet I just I wasn't there I was just complimenting you that's all and I'm very happy for you okay thank you can I put can I can I can I can I talking better help this show is sponsored by better help when you're at your best you can do great things but sometimes life gets you bogged down and you may feel overwhelmed or like

you're not showing up in the way that you want to I've experienced that you guys during the pandemic I was going through a really bad time and better help has helped me through I've had a lot of trauma in my life and better help has helped me through man you don't want to carry all this weight around your life you want to be free like a bird the free like a bird baby flying around all over the place if you're thinking about giving therapy a try better help is a great option all right Bob and I are both big proponents of therapy we've

talked about it pretty openly and candidly on the show and this one is great because it's convenient flexible affordable it's entirely done online you don't have to go to an office you feel a questionnaire and you get matched with the licensed therapist you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge if you want to live a more empowered life therapy can get you there visit betterhelp.com slash bad friends today to get 10% off your first month that's better help hlp.com slash bad friends you know what dude I

always go on yelp yeah for my food yeah and I thought to myself you know what I should do that with doctors because you're going to doctors all the time all the time and look at Zock doc is that Zock doc is the only free app that lets you find and book doctors who are patient reviewed take your insurance and are available when you need them and treat almost every condition under the sun Bob okay when you're not feeling your best and you're trying to hold together like me and Bob are sometimes finding great care shouldn't take up all your energy but I'm telling you

it is hard to find someone that's good so that's where Zock doc comes in using their free app by the way totally free millions of uh users rely on you can find the right doctor that meets your needs and fits your schedule super easy choose from thousands of patient reviewed doctors and specialists browse doctor profiles upload and verify your insurance information and get the care you need okay so I moved to a new neighborhood and we didn't know what to do and we didn't know who to go to and our old doctor was so far away and so I thought I'll just try Zock doc and I got to tell you it works

great because it fits with the insurance that you have and you find someone that can help your specialty that you need and all you have to do is go to Zock doc.com slash bad friends and download the Zock doc app for free then find and book a top rated doctor today many are available within 24 hours that's Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash bad friends Zock doc slash bad friends that's Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash bad friends Zock doc dot com slash bad friends can I talk a little beef though that we might have between you and I oh but I spent I spent I have been gone for four weeks and for people that are

like if the episode seemed behind we had to backlog some of them because I was out of town for a month a one month promoting my special and while I was in Austin I got to see one of our very very very very good friends who's just who mr. Adam Egett love him and we took our dogs for a walk along the along the water beautiful and we spoke about something good and he said do you think Bobby serious about doing this podcast about Star Trek yeah and I said what are you talking about

and he said Bobby wants to do a podcast about about Star Trek yeah and I said he didn't tell me about that he said yeah he's dead serious really wants to do it with me week to week and he said it could take the place of bad friends is literally what he said he said that's what you said it could take the place of bad friends do you mean that because we can call him and ask if that's what he said you said is that real people that don't know Adam Egett used to be the manager of the comedy story he also was on norm mcdonald's show

one of norm's probably closest friends uh tragically lost him but there he is with norm so um do you care to comment I'm going to may I talk yeah thank you number one that's a half truth okay okay imagine if this was court yeah it's a half truth half truth your honor okay some of that shit is real number it's a little bit is yeah number one him and I are obsessed yes with deep space nine okay number two right number two I've been trying to listen to podcasts with deep space nine you know I mean we're you know

it's our track podcasts sure and they're not funny and they're not great right so I said I called Adam I go are you interested in doing four a year that's not what he said that that's what I said four a year where we wear the fucking costume he's thought you said do it for a year not for a year I'm gonna call him now he's saying the same thing yeah yeah I'm gonna come I'm gonna call him now you're gonna kill him now yeah Adam Egett and I spent some time with some some time down Austin and I gotta tell you you're not gonna move there

what no it's fun though I I was there right before you I had a great time oh yeah juice went there and sold some and sold out some shows famous Amos over here hey man we got a problem dude yes we do what's wrong you know what the problem is dude don't play dumb I'm gonna say this too dude don't play dumb the last time I called you you fucking betrayed me yep on the show so yeah so what's going on Adam yeah so are you lying to me and then saying something else to Bobby dude Adam what's going on so you know what man hey man hey chill out

chill chill our show so what I'm asking you dude is this brah all right I called you to do a deep space nine podcast no yeah and then you and I were coming up with names right yeah yeah yeah yeah I said two grubs would be a good one yep because that's what Ferengi's Ferengi's eat two grubs space juice space juice is a good one yeah yeah but anyway so you told Andrew Santino that I wanted to replace two grubs with bad friends that's not

what I said what I said is that you and I would do either a fucking liar exactly deaf as we walked along the water and you said to me Bobby says he wants to replace bad friends with tube grubs that's that's what you say Adam and Bobby doesn't believe you one bit bud I know I believe I believe Adam on this dude Bobby doesn't believe you at all yeah you're a fucking idiot you're a fucking idiot dude you're a redheaded idiot right tell him your special is gonna fucking bomb fail

thank you dude so anyway you still want to do tube grubs right yeah can we not call it that or just throw me some names we're never gonna get late anyway dude we're fucked you think you're gonna get pussy from a star trek podcast you loser fucking loser I love you I love you so you lie you lie be honest you lie yeah I was just starting some shit for the show hey man you gotta mix it up we did walk along the water with his dog and it was maybe the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life his dog is a puppy but it's

strong as fuck it's gotta be 60 pounds yeah almost pulled him into the lake three times I'm not even exaggerating jerked his arm out of his sock really his dog is his dog is a puppy but its paws are this big it's going to be fucking humongous that's so fucking beautiful and his name is her name is dice dicey girl I love that guy dicey girl Adam one of the best humans to walk the earth one of the best of the best speaking of good humans um let's take some time to acknowledge that

juice jet ski johnson uh is the baby bird is starting to fly without us because she's selling out shows all over the country she goes she literally said is what I heard through the grapevine she's smoking a cigarette and and chris rock is there chappell is there louis is there it was wild where she's out it is out at one of the arenas that they were doing they invited they sent a car to pick her up you know down in texas she goes and shows up she's ripping butts outside she's smoking with Dave with

chappell and she goes I gotta be honest with you chappell you're Dave chappell I gotta be honest with you chappell just over fucking bad friends I didn't say it quite like that how did you say it well he was like juice juice juice he's like I don't want to don't quote me on this but he said he said juice you gotta leave that podcast Dave chappell said she should leave the show hmm interesting what was your response I said I just I just gotta hang in there a little longer I owe it to them

you want to talk to told you about signing a dual contract uh-huh we gotta do it we gotta do it and it's gotta be one of those sea orc sea orc Scientology yep one billion one billion years one billion years one billion year sea orc and remember that she was here after me because now she calls me with such an attitude she does holy shit but fancy literally texting me and goes don't know what's up with juicy yeah but she called me a spanish bitch whoa and then she hung up the phone she goes he's spanish get it done spanish

bitch tubular according from you guys you're my mentor are we rubbing off on her yeah well what are you gonna do man that's our style we have to lock you in I think I'm being real but if you say I signed a contract with you you have to sign a contract with me fair fine what was the contract say um that we stay friends I can't sign that I love you I love you I can't sign that you have to say hi to me no no no no no no no no no no no no no no I'll never sign that I'll never sign that I got recognized at a pet co go on

wait you texted me that yeah wait what was the story yeah I've only been recognized out in the world like usually it's at a comedy club so out in the world maybe four times in the real world in the real world yeah and uh and yeah I went yesterday to pet co to get some treats for my dog and the guy goes what's your number to for the account and I put it in he goes have you been here before I love this go ahead yeah like a hundred times and he's like have I talked to you and I don't know man but I should be in the system and he's like no I just

I'm a bad friend oh that's so fucking cool that's so fun was he cute he was he was cool he looked pretty young but okay he was cool and he I just I yeah I love that I love it I thought there was a problem with my account no problem your account and when that happens do you blush I just stay chilling I go oh that's cool stay chill I go that really made my day and it's like that it made my day and it was just really nice and cool jet ski that's fucking that like makes my heart so one I love that the code how cool this guy was that he goes I'm a bad friend oh it's awesome I feel like we're in a

game speaking of which that's much better than uh that's much better than what happened to me on the flight what happened I told us on your mom's house but it was so funny this guy I have headphones on I'm watching a movie on my iPad what does that say to you talk to me right now talk to me right so middle of the flight wait your your first class no yes of course sure yeah right can I be honest and this is it a steward is it a flight attendant no it's a human on the flight so somebody else on the flight is he walking by or is he sitting next to you no no no he's nowhere near me he

walked up to me so from coach to first I don't know where he came from but I'm gonna that's very important yeah from coach he came from the back that's a no no he was by the bathroom okay he comes up to you you're watching something engaged on my iPad yeah and then he got he interrupts you stands right over like standing on top of me yeah leaning on my say and then he goes like this he goes and I went like this oh shit I went what's up like real slow real slow what's up and I take up my headphones and he goes

do I know you this is what the first I do wait but he said do I know you and I thought there's two ways to go do I know you he said do I know you from from something first of all not somewhere something he already knows no no no he doesn't you know he does no he knows he recognized me but he can't put it okay can't put he can't put his finger on it so he says do I know you from something and I said I don't know man I don't I don't think so and he goes you're not a celebrity oh my god and I and I said I don't

I'm not I've done this I've done this I'm not I know you do that because when we went on the road people be like do I know you and you go no no and literally like no no no and he goes you don't know I don't know you from a steward on a celebrity guy and people are not looking people are looking now people are looking at me so I'm more embarrassed than I usually am and I go I don't know sorry and I think so and then he goes okay

and walk away like annoyed yeah but what did you what did you want me to say imagine how much of a fucking cunt I would be if I'm like what's up do I know you from something probably yeah and then he goes are you a celebrity and I go yes I'm a celebrity put a gun in my mouth but it's a trap because I'll tell you why I've had this happen right yeah do I know you from somewhere yeah I mean I was on mad tv and I did some movies and I'm on a couple of podcasts and they go no yeah no I don't know right now you're in the business of

throwing your credits out he's hitting them yeah with a little bat you say mad tv yeah yeah is that a show yeah yeah it was a sketch show that we competed against snl back in the day no what else did you say you were on a couple of sitcoms splitting up together and animal practice splitting up animals yeah I did some movie I was in the two herald and kumar movies and I did the dictator oh wait wait wait wait wait yeah herald and kumar yeah the um uh where do they go they go to wendy's white castle yes yeah who are you in that I just played kenneth like a kid at

school kenneth kenneth kenneth kenneth kenneth kenneth nope doesn't ring a bell what else yeah exactly two podcasts one with andrew sentino nope no no no no no no no that's not even a tiger belly my other part no um what's up with animals with you let me ask you something do you eat a pf chang's sure as fuck do i'm a bus boy there that's that you have to do that you have to do something weird because it's uncomfortable yeah so that's a lose lose well so I was being as nice as I could but I have to just

keep saying no you've seen me say no but I have to go I don't think we know each other man I think I look like so I always say I think I look like someone you might know no you lie let's do a lie now what you do I'm gonna yeah I'm a guy now you do a lie yeah do it hey excuse me hey what's up am I interrupting yes very much I'm kidding oh my bad no no I don't even like this is no no no anyway I just curious because I saw you um well because I'm a coach I walk by you I saw that right and look where you're

crossing your fist anyway I no no I just yeah I don't no we can smell you we can smell you coming is the problem yeah well we have a little light that goes off when we know someone's gotten up and coming up here diptych oh it smells good yeah that's good candles yeah well anyway well they make candles do I know you from somewhere I think you do yeah what is that what made because I look at you and I go oh my god it's like so familiar well I started on a sitcom when I was a child I'm an actor

when I was a child I started on a little sitcom took place in a small town uh-huh in the Appalachian mountains my dad was the chief of police oh is it ring a bell was it in black and white it was oh no I don't know I don't know it's interesting you knew it was black and white yeah yeah it doesn't ring a bell yeah well okay so I was an actor I did that wait wait I also did a show let me ask you something I did a show are you a director too then see I could I know I know did you direct

a politics I sure did 13 Ron Howard can you imagine I do it yeah yeah and what would the guy really say if I said I'm Ron Howard yeah he would he would never he would dare he would never dare to go no you're not yes he would no he would have to go you look nothing like Ron Howard I look exactly like Ron fucking Howard right tell me the difference between that guy all right if you were doing a baseball cap yes yes all right that's me that's you literally me that is you or you flip the script on them yeah oh I see whoa is that a director term

so I could do one I could be a director okay ready go ahead excuse me I yes oh my god it is you exactly I'm I hey hey oh my god yeah yeah look what oh my god when you do it when I was a kid I I watched all of your films everything and everything I have to tell you everything of all the years that you did your thing when you started working with Chris Tucker it was oh yeah yeah yeah that guy got me I had to change my accent see I had to I could do that I had to get younger yeah no I had to get younger

and I had to be more yeah yeah yeah yeah that's me that's me I just can we take a photo oh yeah no actually I uh no thank you oh yeah yeah oh anyway good me you wow turns out jimmy oyang is a jerk that was a good swim that was a good burn yeah yeah very good miss do I know you from something I don't know what's your name anyway I was sitting next I was sitting next I'm on the fly I can't I just follow my friend over here I told you what's your name yeah you look so familiar we know you from something right i'm jesse who are you guys jesse jesse jesse jesse

jesse ventura yeah jesse ventura are you the body are you the body no have we see have we seen you in movies yeah no I'm from Arizona did you guys grow up there no we're not allowed there we're not allowed there so wait a minute we're god how could you look familiar we said that on the whole life yeah yeah you guys look familiar too did you really clarify that switch this is very good what you're doing this is what you do that's what you do you do a reverse Jedi thing when somebody when someone goes like this okay you pretend to be the guy again yeah yeah this is how it'll happen

ready go ahead hey am I sorry do we know you Kevin how the fuck have you been wait i'm not is your wife is your wife still going through that cancer yeah i'm not that's cancer surgery i'm in college i don't have a wife i haven't seen you in so fucking long that's so good and you look good yeah you look good you look a little a little fatter than you used to be but you look good anyway i want to go back to my seat where are you going buddy no i just i read it wrong

take my number take my number okay what is it the miss guy wants to get away from you i want to do from now on i'm doing that yeah i want to do one hey hey hey excuse me yeah excuse me yeah sir hello well you should you should yeah i don't know why feel like i know you from something oh my god hello dr mongolian what no i'm yes will you mongolian look look i'm arrive because of you and then this guy goes

yes you are and you should thank me bongjunho thank me for what i did for you once you reversed it on me right and at some point now where do you go now then you walk off the plane thinking am i bongjunho oh i see that's how it goes we found but can you show him that tiktok by the way i got sent this no less than 10 000 times yeah tagged with you this we got i can't even look at this guy

you have to i've seen it a thousand times well watch it again that's all i get tabbed in is this guy go on i gotta watch it i had if asian 102 dm 102 just for this i can't even watch it i've seen a thousand times i'm watching it right now on the show my son so dumb i q 21 he tried to make friends but they call him qin jung he eat the wonton body fat like kim jong he's so ugly when he smile he looked like the king kong my son useless can't play ping pong he tried to get a date with the girl so young but she said hell no

cuz he's not the handsome and my son so broke can't buy the thing some yeah yeah yeah it's a good deal my son so dumb my son so dumb yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah my son so dumb my son my fear it's so good It's really good what you're gonna replace Bobby I would never well that's that's when I'm watching that If he comes in with a banger like that What I'm saying is is that please don't I don't hurt me. You'll burn me by the way though IQ 21 Couldn't get a date was so young. I mean it the layers of this motherfucker, right? It's it's so fucking good

We got to get this guy and he's He's one of us. He's Korean. He's one of us First of all, you're a better musician You're a better musician and you know it, okay, but he's really really good. He's pretty good. Yeah He's a really really good. Yeah, you know what I watched last night what that I love watching I'll revisit now because season two is uploaded on the internet on Netflix. There's a show They send little Japanese kids to the market by themselves. I've seen this one What is it called a lot of watches it dude? It's so cute. It's the cutest fucking show. I love it

You've ever seen in your life. They will send little Japanese kids to the market. That's old enough So all the footage is like from years ago. Hmm, but this is how beautiful and safe of a country It is Japan. They let a fucking four-year-old just walk down the road with groceries. It's like sending Bobby to the market That's why I don't say hello It's cuz you're rich and powerful not cuz you're dumb that but this is By the way, they say black babies are the cutest. I don't know Asian everyone says Asian babies are the cutest My money's on black babies for sure. Yeah, black babies are the best

Asian babies are very very close. Well, here's what I like about Asian babies. They look like adults and they're not far off Well a couple of inches and that's just a grown Asian man What's the difference between that guy you're telling you're saying that Asian men look like babies You're saying that doesn't look like your brother That looks just like Steve yeah, okay But but okay see that on the on the second row the first picture. That's Ken. I think that's Ken Okay, no, no, no, that's not him. That's the other one. He's three years old. What a cute kid fucking Do Ken do Ken from old enough?

Right in Ken from old enough. That's a little Ken. That is a little Ken. I was right. That was a little Ken This guy's a fucking he's a king. Look at that little fucking G walking down the street By the way, not only does he get groceries he got a few extra fun things Yeah, he's a child. I can't go to the grocery store. I get scared. I get lost. I get nervous I go home. I do it every time but 30 years later. He's in a cubicle wearing a suit Watching bad friends with 10,000 other fucking agent Look at him. Look at him. He's got a little flag. Oh, he's so cute You know what's fucking wild in that thing around his neck? That's all booze

This sake is in there and he sips sake all day. They don't feed him any food We should go there and see if we can get one get a Japanese Imagine a van it'd be so easy. Well, they'd let him just walk around you're driving the van. Yeah, I open the I scoop him up. Wait, nothing here. Well, I'm stronger than you. Can I swim? What? I'm driving. You don't wait. You want me to drive? No, no, no, I'll drive Why can't we let her scoop him up? Yeah, can you scoop? Well, I should be the driver. That is true Yes, you get the legs. I'll get the arms and we'll just scoop well We'll do a little hammock swing and throw them right in there. Nothing. Nothing nefarious

No, no, no, we just want one nearby. We want one. Well, what if he just sat there in front? That'd be great What are you doing like taking notes? No, he just makes noises every once in a while. Yeah Yeah, they do have when I do hear like little Japanese animations and stuff I wonder where the noises do come from because every artist has a thing their source material is what look when you see Japanese cartoons of an it's always like What does that come from? Yeah, where does that come from? I'll tell you what it is because it's not always words. It's just sometimes just it's

You know emotional emotional noise, right? And also a lot of the words is what they think are something sounds like like what juke juke juke. What is that? Yeah, I'd not tell you what juke juke means. I don't remember on the show. Do you know what juke juke means? Familiar so when you when oh, yeah, Hiroshi come when you're with Koreans, right and you say to look like from Korea Yeah, and you go juke juke You know what that means am I saying it to the Koreans or at them if you went it what do you mean to them? What's the difference? No, I'm saying like am I talking about a Korean or at a to a Korean you have these at not about okay, okay, right, right?

All right, relax relax. What relax you fucking juke juke. What does it mean? I don't know so juke juke means let's go fuck Because it sounds like Yeah, well, I asked the Korean girl. I go. What's juke juke? You know that's sounding me Juke juke juke juke juke juke. Yeah, yeah, and in a weird way No, no, no No, it never sounds because I heard that noise I'd stop Are you okay? What would it sound like if you would say if you were trying to say it to someone let's go have sex. What would it sound like?

That sounds like a stabbing Oh, yeah, you sound like a alien. Yeah, you do What is it? Okay, you speaking of your penis in a vagina, what would it sound like go ahead? What you giving an abortion? No, the vagina eating my cock. No, it would not do that. There's no way that would make that noise That's the noise. Yeah That's it and out. Yeah, but my noise if someone was like you want to have sex would be like this is my noise This is real. This is my noise, right Just if you wanted to signal sex if you were like, we got to have sex. What do you do? What's the noise?

Probably like that's what that is. All right, so if a guy's like, do you want to and you're like When I used to go on the road every weekend that I would leave a massager In my hotel room. Come again. What do you mean? So I would I would get picked up for press on Thursday I don't know, but our instinct was yeah, we just instinctually but go ahead. Yeah, maybe no, I want to hear it I would get picked up from the club owner or whoever does the press right and at the end of like the three or four like radio shows Right, I would go can you drive me to CBS? Yeah, okay. Why do you need to press into the toothpaste? Yeah, I would go and I could come out with a box. What's in the box a gigantic massager a Back massager plug in the other ones. Yeah, but it has the two sometimes I have the two little knobs. Yes, right?

Yes, bring it up bring up those back with us. I see because juicy doesn't know. Yeah. Yeah We say with two little knobs. Yeah Yeah, this is true. I do know what these are. I've seen these before. Yeah, I would get one of those. There it is I would probably drop like, you know, a hundred bucks hundred fifty bucks. They're pretty expensive. Yeah. Yeah Well, this was 30 you got fucked a CVS. Yeah, so it's something like that That is exactly what it looks like exactly what exactly what looks like and at the end of the weekend It would just be um that massage would be sitting there plugged in inside. You know me In the hotel room and I always felt bad. I should have washed it because I felt bad because on the knobs, right?

Mm-hmm. There'd be like this white flake So gross so gross. Yeah, you would use them. You'd buy a massager in every setting. There was a no There was a mope. There's a I discovered something because I I'm so embarrassed. Oh, yeah, I'm embarrassed. Yeah, so, you know years ago, you know, you would touch girls good I use a vibrator and I thought oh Well, can guys use a vibrator? Yeah. Yeah, and I've discovered. Yeah, you sure can Right, so you do is you lightly on the head of your penis you just lightly Yep, and for me it gave me the greatest. It was phenomenal. Yeah, so you're allowed. Yeah, you shouldn't feel bad

Yeah, you left it for the next user But you know what's so funny is that not only would I leave that right sometimes I would leave a A DVD player. Oh my god. I sort of got and I'm in a flat screen. You're not go to the finances You would buy extra TV I would buy an extra TV a brand-new DVD player and a vibrator because back in the day What do you leave the movie in or do you take them? I think the movie Yeah, so I would go to the movie is small. Yeah, it's the same one. I'm guessing You just back in the day in the early in the 2000s early 2000s that you you just wasn't

Porn on the internet wasn't didn't happen didn't happen really So it's like you would have to go by a DVD player go by because sometimes the DVD play wouldn't fit with their You know how some kind of hotel TVs. Yeah, they block off the little blocks so that you know because they want you to use their entertainment Of course, so I get my own flat screen and the vibrator and I would go to the I was probably spent seven hundred all Yes, it's cheaper to use their entertainment. Isn't that cheaper to just buy the movie at the hotel? No, they're always the garbage Yeah, he wants good shit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah in my generation's wasteful. Yeah First of all, he was leaving for others to know what I would leave a note at the end I would leave a note at the main or whatever and go. Here's a free TV

Free TV and DVD player and this like, you know massager thing you might have to watch. You'd sign at Harvey Weinstein. Why Harvey was here. That's the hotel room. Harvey was here. I know that's some sake. That's the most expensive like what do you leave nowadays when you leave a hotel? How much do you leave on the counter for the lot for the cleaning lady? A lot. What seriously? Oh, yeah Well, because you devastated a room Like what you do I devastated the maid little this is the mage coming into my room. You've been in my room, right? Yeah, I have multiple times the devastation. This is when the maid comes into my room after I'm left for a weekend. Oh Well, that's nice. Okay. Yeah, and there's a maid come in your room. Yeah Yeah

Yeah Poop on the wall Blood and poop on the wall No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no the poop and blood and come block poop and come. No, that happened one time Yeah, that happened one time when I was using it happened But don't you don't use that as a okay, how much money did you leave that made in Mexico when you poop down when you pooped all over the walls? By $50 50 bucks. Yeah, how do you put on a wall? I didn't put on the wall. That was all-inclusive that was yeah No, you didn't poop on the walls, but you threw up all over the room and it was poop on the door

Because you held poop in you wipe it on the door. Yeah, yeah, we move past it Wait, but tell me but tell me what do you leave nowadays? We go to a hotel. What are you leaving right now today? If we you and I go to hotel somewhere else, what are you leaving food? Probably mainly no money for them I do how much that's my point. Okay. I mean, how much money are you leaving on the table? Well, every time I have a woman a woman a person friend a friend clean my room. I hunt them down I'd kill them. No No, like an assassin Because usually I walk out of my because usually they clean during the early in the morning or in the early afternoon

Yeah, right, but I don't get up to four correct, right? So they're already kind of done there. I feel bad, right? So I'll go to a woman, you know or man who's cleaning. Yeah, I go. Hey, dude Here's 50 bucks or 40 bucks. Can you clean my room? I do that. That's nice, right? So but the end of a long weekend. What do you leave on the counter? Sometimes nothing the tip and thin in this country is insane I mean here for fucking cheap Let me explain. Let me do Well, let him get why don't you write like if you have a job, why don't you get paid to do that job?

Why do I have to pay for the hotel and for the service? Why don't I have to go to a hospital and give tips to the nurse? You don't ever tip a nerve. No one's ever done that. I would just advise to do that when I have a kid So they are nice to you to like leave of five dollar cars for every single nerve the 25 people there You know what? You know what? This is very America wordy. Just said Because you don't know what your finger was all I know I blacked out a little Yeah, yeah, that was insane. It was it was like it didn't even exist Oh, yeah, that's insane. You know what though? Yeah We've got to fire this I know I know I play in this game

That was fireball. Yeah, I know why he's doing that though tip the medical profession because his wife works in the medical world So he's looking to sneak tips into her. He's playing this fucking this reverse psychology He's like, oh, we have to tip everyone. You should be tipping the nurses and the people that work at hospital His wife works there. Oh, that's what it is podcast producers What can I get it? I got a tip for podcast producers Watch your fucking mouth. Watch your mouth. Watch your fucking mouth. That's a good tip But he has something let me say something so you and I both know a guy can't say his name Right. Yeah, but you know you and I know both know a guy great guy go like this so I can see what you say

Yeah, okay, and he was saying that when he we're not leaving you up by the way, you actually don't know this person You don't know this person simple for your time, you know, I was working with them Maybe a month ago. Yeah, we're talking and he goes We're talking about his kids because I know I've noticed him and his wife for so long same. Isn't that wild? I love them. Yeah, and he was like we're talking about a second his son and he goes Um, I go well, do you have a nurse and he doesn't want not right now with my son? I go why he goes well I had to Fire a nanny and I go why he goes I was at work because he works at a corporate place

And he was watching the monitor because he has a monitor and the nanny was beating his son Oh, no, are you fucking kid? I thought this was gonna be funny. No Oh, holy shit. She really are you being serious? Wait, there might be more. No, that's it. She was hitting the kid. That's how funny But so what they had to do is this right dude, she was beating him Yeah, so what he had to do is they had to go to the police. Yeah, and then they had cops in his house Hmm. He hired the nanny another day She walks in and the cops came in and arrested her like a SWAT like a SWAT team Wow, because you have it on tape. Oh, he record you can record. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Let me guess. Well, he didn't tip that nanny

That was my point with the nurse Maybe that's what it is you you're giving them money the nurses so they would treat your child with respect Well, yeah, to make sure I get an insurance thing I guess yeah, like one time we had a cleaning lady and I guess I wasn't paying her enough and she Uppered act us in every She puked in every top If you but if you saw on a monitor some nanny doing that to your six-month-old son, what's my instinct? Yeah, would you do? What do you say? What would you do though? What did he say? What do you say?

I go up to and I go, what did he say? He needs to shut his fucking mouth I mean, it's like it depends on his attitude. Yeah, no, that's not true. Let's be real about it. What would you do? Okay Don't be comedy. I'm not. Yeah, you are. I see your smile What's your name my smile my my nanny your nanny? Yeah, huh? Felipe Okay, yeah, yeah, really? Yeah, I'm Felipe. Okay. Hey, Felipe. Can I talk to you for a second? Yeah, I saw on the monitor today

Yeah, I think I saw you strike My child. What are your child? I thought it was a piñata Now while I appreciate the comedy I want a candy. That's why I understand and we have a drawer filled with candy I told you to eat whatever you want. Yeah Why did you hit my son? Sorry, sir. I thought it was piñata, right? I hit it with stick. That's it, Felipe. Back to China with you I'm from Mexico, Felipe. Really? Yeah, that's not what you would do. No, I feel like if that happened to you, right?

I'd that that nanny would no longer exist. That's right. Yeah. Yeah, you beat my kid. I kill you. Yeah, yeah Yeah, I'd kill you would kill him. Yeah But if if somebody spanked my child if he was like six or whatever like four to say that's fine Smack him in the fucking ass. Maybe did something stupid. No. No, you don't touch my child now You beat him sometimes You got to beat some life into that fucking kid. Otherwise the world is gonna hurt. Yeah, what else are you paying him for? In fact, Andreas, do you never never hit your kid? Yeah, I'll bring it to you. Don't lay your hands on him. Bring him to me. Because it causes so much trauma. Don't know. Will you remember all of it? I know, babe. Okay. I remember. You don't remember what?

What if you want to remember? If you want him to be a comedian. Oh, that's right. You beat him. If you want him to be funny. If you want him to be talented, name a talented guy that wasn't beat. Yeah Right. You know what I mean? I like his crib on fire You have a cigarette and the whole crib is surrounding on fire right? I'm just like see if you can get out That's what Mitzi did to Polly pretty much. That is true. I've heard those stories around the screen. That's true. Yeah He was like as a baby screaming in his crib and slamming his head against the wall. She let him do it and she would just laugh Yeah Oh, yeah, and he's doing fine. There's like a sound bite of her telling the story. She's like, yeah, he's gonna be hilarious

when he grows up I mean he is he is one of those guys where you look at him and you look you look at his behavior at a restaurant Whatever and you go, this is no one is like this. I'm playing this is such an original Can I say a phrase that you might understand what pot calling the kettle black? No, I don't understand I literally don't understand When you said take this guy to a restaurant and you watch him and you're like nobody's like this on planet earth Yeah, what does a pot happen? I've I've felt that way before same same with Polly

Yes with you with you. Why why you are that as well? I'm not yeah, what what all the heads turn The waiter comes over you go. Hi. This is my retarded daughter Then everybody's like, oh, you are like nothing else on earth This is a compliment. That's not a compliment. Sure it is. Yeah, I should be put away. Oh you Bobby What yeah, yeah put away what put in a fucking put in a music in the Smithsonian. You're a brilliant work of art. So you're saying I'm Polly In a sense, you're similar to it's like essence and like you have a loud presence I'm gonna argue against this. Okay. I think what what you're saying. This is what you're saying. I'm saying something I get so angry

He gets I get so mad. Right. This is essentially what you're saying. Okay. Yeah, you because you guys look at at other Asian dudes And this is how they behave Right. This is not not normal. No, not normal. Okay, right. I'm just one of the Asians that decided Oh, no, I'm gonna express myself It's kind of like you're you know what you do. You know what you do what white antics shenanigans You're right. I fucked it up. It was white shenanigans My point is just a fucking listen. I don't do white shenanigans. Yes, you do. That's an insult

You look like a white shenanigan right now Oh, man, the beanie. You're really gonna get me going. The beanie the blondie shirt. All right. All right. Give me an example Tell me your outfit isn't white shenanigans right now Beanie blondie shirt that a white guy is up to shenanigans doing that It's wearing that right now somewhere in the united states. Really. I like cbgb bands white guy shenanigan. That's shenanigan Yeah, right like the talking heads like blondie. I like television and all those bands that came out of cbg There's a lot of white guy shenanigan stuff. That's what that seems like because there's a lot of white people All right, you're right, right beanie the reason why I work

I'm going to express myself here The reason why we're at beanie is because I'm a huge fan of cheech morin as a kid I always liked his look in those cheech and chong movies. Yeah, and so I do the beanie. Yeah, right. Yeah, and then what else is shenanigans? Uh, the way you are Oh, I see. I want to say this to everybody out there Thank you guys for being a bad friend Thank you very much guys. This is very nice. Yeah, I actually what I think this is better than your special It's a little better, but

It's so funny because I know you've never seen it. I was gonna say the same thing Like you missed on the joke. You know full. Well, he's never loved that for you. Anyway, so go ahead What's your special called? Nothing It should just be like a Your should be like just a stale duck A dead duck Yeah, a dead duck

Yeah, like a bad bow A duck and a bow and his head still sticking out of the bow. Yeah. Yeah. That's what it should be Please go get a cheeseburger and watch cheeseburger on Netflix. It would mean a lot to me Netflix I just did an interview where you know You gotta do all these interviews And people are you know who's mad at me who trump fans are mad at old boy. Why well because I joked about Yeah, you said he's stupid. I know I said why hasn't I said I can't believe he lasted four years and nobody You know, yeah, nobody tried. I know. Well, it's just a funny joke. I'm not saying I wanted it to happen

I just said no one tried and dude the trump, uh, hardcore's the shit that they say onto is nuts Like I'm gonna kill you and rape your fucking family and Yeah, but yeah, I know but they don't care about that. But dude, they say like I watch your back I was like, I hope somebody assassinates you. Wow Dude, it's crazy people like they say like you're like I'll target you now find out where you live Like dude, it's nuts. Now, you know what it feels like to be a female comedian With any joke No, because nobody wrote not funny

That's true That was a really good one in your face in your face