Bad Friends - Chatty Chatty, Bang Bang

Episode Date: April 20, 2026

Get MORE Bad Friends at our Patreon!! SALE 70% off for new members!! http://patreon.com/badfriends/join?utm_campaign=public_sale Thank you to our Sponsors: Zbiotics, QUO, Quince, Shopify & Men Go To Mars • Zbiotics: Go to https://zbiotics.com/BADFRIENDS and use BADFRIENDS at checkout for 15% off any first time orders of ZBiotics probiotics. • QUO: Try QUO for free PLUS get 20% off your first 6 months when you go to https://Quo.com/BADFRIENDS • Quince: Go to https://Quince.com/badfriends for free shipping and 365-day returns. • Shopify: Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial and start selling today at https://shopify.com/badfriends • Men Go To Mars: For a limited time, our listeners get 50% off FOR LIFE, Free Shipping, AND 3 Free Gifts at Mars Men at https://Mengotomars.com YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube Audio Subscribe: https://apple.co/31Jsvr2 Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com 0:00 No More Low Microphones 5:00 The Off Button 9:00 Chatty, Chatty, Bang, Bang 14:30 This, Again? 18:00 Old Bob Hair 24:00 Cigs Behind Security 27:30 Ren & Stimpy 32:00 Supreme Gas 36:30 Carlos Pays the Bill 40:00 A Film of Two Halves 44:30 Performative or Something's Wrong? 48:30 Did We Kill Chuck Norris? 54:00 Bobby Does 1,000 Sit Ups 59:00 Notes from the Underground 1:02:00 The Exit Strategy 1:06:00 White Spiders 1:10:00 The Farmer's Market 1:13:30 Scoville Units More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbylee.live More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Fancy SOS VHS: https://www.youtube.com/@7equis Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fancyb.1 More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: 7EQUIS https://www.7equis.com/ Podcast Producer: Andrés Rosende This video contains paid promotion. #bobbylee #andrewsantino #badfriends #sponsored #ad Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, bad friends. I'm doing a bunch of shows. First off, Bobby and I, the Bad Friends Live, are going to be at Netflix as a joke fest here in Los Angeles at the YouTube Theater down by SoFi. That's May 8th. Get your tickets right now. Then I'll be down in Del Mar at the Sound in San Diego, bro.

Surf's up, June 28th. I'm doing two shows early and a late show. And then July 24th, I'm at the Ameristar Casino in St. Charles, Missouri, which might as well be St. St. Louis, Missouri. Come out and see me. Go to Andrew Santino.com for those tickets. Andrewsantino.com.

Hey everybody, Bobby Lee here. You know, I shot a special, and so I'm going to do the finally tour before the special comes out. I want to be in Detroit, 424, Indianapolis, 425, Montclair, 5-1, Atlantic City, 5-2. Just go to my website and check out the other day. It's Medford, 53, San Antonio 515, and go check it out. It's going to be a theater tour, my first one, and come see me live. Go to bobbylee.com. You two are bad friends.

these two idiots. White dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. We're bad friends. It smells like dog food in here. Yep. Rock, rock. Bobby just got here.

I just got here. I yelled at the host for putting the mic stand low. You know how they try to get a laugh? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I'm small. I've done. I'd do that. I know. And it makes me so angry.

But I won't yell at you. But I want to, if you ever. do that again, I'll rip you. Oh, I've gotten that from you. Yeah, yeah. The low voice. Because it's, because it's, it's trying to get a laugh that I'm sure, right? But it's not my laugh.

It's their laugh. You know what I mean? It's the residue laugh. Yeah, leftover laugh. Yeah, it's leftover laugh. When they're not even on stage, they try to get a laugh. Yeah. And they're in the back going, uh, but I'll do it.

I made the mic store low, you know. I bet you Brad gets that. Williams. Oh, dude. I do the opposite from when Brad follows me. in the store, I put it as high as I can. See, that's the same thing. It's the same thing.

But it's funny. For you. For all of us. For Brad, it's... For Brad, it's a whole extra thing he has to do. That's funny, dude. For me, it's a, you know what I mean? I get a laugh.

But then I have to go, oh, I'm small. Do that face. Like, oh, ho, ho, ho. The whole God made me. Right? And then Brad has to bring it down. Yeah, it's funny. It's for the person before, but it's,

It's not our laugh. All right. You know, well, we're not going to do anything. No more funny stuff. No more comedy. Okay. I think we're done with comedy. Yeah.

All weekend long. All weekend long. That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is, is, oh my gosh. Brad left his toothbrush here at the studio. Yeah, he did. Yeah. And his pen.

And his pen. Another thing is, um, get it off your chest. When, like, one time I was in the OR and Steve Byrne, halfway during myself, grabbed the mic from the side of the stage and walked up on stage. and then goes, let's do a duo. Let's play with the crowd. And that made me so mad. This is very funny.

You know, at San Francisco, at the last time I just played punch, he showed up and he came on stage at the end of my mind. Did you ask him to come up or did he just come up on stage? He just came up. No, are you being real? I'm being serious. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I welcomed it with open arms.

Yeah, I don't welcome with open arms. You didn't want it? He's half Korean. Oh, he's not a full. He's not full. Yeah, you got to be a full. Yeah, you got to be a full. be a full. I actually totally agree. Yeah, yeah. No, because it's like I'm in the middle of a setup and all of a

sudden, what's up? Without asking and it's just like, I don't like that. Also, from a, from a outsider's perspective, it looks like your Korean uncle who's got it together because he wears a suit is coming to like talk you down a little bit. Let me do comedy for you. Yeah. Because he wear suits. Yeah. And we wear clothes. Yeah. I also don't like this. I just realize, right? Give it to me. Give me that. I don't like. I'm going to give you that. I don't like. I'll give you that. The feature smile. What is it? So what happens is your, you're backstage.

I just played the Santa Ana's improv. And Ramsey Badali had a really good set before me. And so there's a curtain and he opens that and he has a smile. Right? At you? Yeah. Like he knows he killed, right? Oh, yeah.

And he goes, if you do feature smiles again. No feature smiles. No, no, no. I need a frown. I know how well you did. I heard it. I tell my features, no smiling at all. No comedy.

I say, go up there, say hello. Yeah, yeah. Tell people where you're from. Yeah. Tell them the favorite foods you have. Yeah. And that's it. And then get off.

Yeah. Bring up the headliner. And then the last thing I want to, can I just get off my chest? I love stuff on your chest. Pause. Yeah, yeah. Are you being real? Yeah, I want you to get it off your chest.

Okay. So, um, what? I hate needy hosts. Was that good? Was I funny? No, I had a local, you know what I mean, nice girl. She's already, I already brutally, you know what I mean, verbalized it to her. Well, then so should we be talking about it?

Yeah, well, I could just be vague about it. It's going to ruminate feelings again then for her. She's going to hear this 100% and be like, that's about me. No, maybe it's going to teach her a lesson. Teach. Did she bomb? No, she did great. Oh, well, then okay.

No, she's great. I think she has a future. I do. Okay. Yeah. You're not selling me on it. Yeah, but can I...

Be a car salesman. She has a future? Well, how is this? How is this? Welcome to Open Mic Night Lot. What? The Open Mic night lot.

Oh, it's at the lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We have many new, new open-up micros here. All new, no, no, no. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we've got, look at this one. This is a... Ooh.

This one's called Catbird. Really quick. Snappy. Yeah. And it's like, you know, I mean, it's an engine that grows. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? It's a slim design, right?

And it creates food. Because she was a chef. No, she was married to a chef. No, she was a chef. She was a chef. She was a Michelin Star Chef. That's not true. She worked at Michelin Star Chef.

That doesn't make you a Michelin Star Chef because you worked at a fucking. She poured water. I, I, I, I, I, yeah. Pichelin water. Basels. At the end. Yeah. The last line person that does the herbs or whatever.

She got water up. Yeah, scoop of a... Water up, Bing. Scoop a caviar on top. Just one little caviar scoop. Yeah, yeah. And the chef goes, too much caviar! What are you fucking doing?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, get it off your chest. So this is... Cap-Eard. This is another model we have, okay? Ooh. Yeah. Is it foreign?

No, it's black. It's a black sleek color of davantre. This is a good car. It's a great car. Yeah, fast. It's also the best selling. It's got to be, yeah. Yeah.

This car, no. You're going to love this car. This car right here, right? I don't know if it doesn't look like it. It asks a lot of questions. Too many questions. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like Knight Rider.

It talks the whole time. It talks the whole time. You can't turn it off? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know, you know, you're driving too fast. All on the rules. You know what I mean? It talks a lot.

It talks a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's no off button. Oh, there's no switch? No. Unless you turn it off. Unless you're really... Maybe it's talking to itself at night, you know what I mean?

But yeah, yeah. Maybe it'll run out of gas. But it's a lot of like, you know what I mean? You know, so how do I make it to this? How do I do this? Inquisitive. Inquisitive, like, you know what I mean? How do you make it?

You know what I mean? How do we get an agent, this and that? You know what I mean? And then it's like, you know, you have to go, hey, hey, hey, stop. You have to have to have to have that. conversation of like, you know, you know. I'm the polar opposite. I'm like, I'll give you an Excel spreadsheet on how to do everything that you're asking me.

No, I did. I did tell her what to do. You did, you give her the hints. Yeah, I gave her like, this is what you did. And then, but I don't think that she got what I was saying. Well, you can lead a horse to water, but it'll eventually be glue. That's what they say. That's the same.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Meanwhile, Carlos is wearing a wind hat. Yeah, because you guys were at the win. You bought that hat? Or they give us those hats. No, I bought it. I got the same one at Cesar's years ago. I know, I remember the Cesar's hat.

It's, uh, I have my circuit circus head at home. Yeah, yeah, I should have brought it in. Fancy's got that Stratosphere hat. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Everywhere I go in the casino. Yeah. Where's Bobby, bro? Yeah.

Where's Bobby? I get that every time at the airport. Why can't we make a shirt that says, where's Bobby? Where's Santina. We should make sure to say, where's Bobby? Yeah. We had a great time. By the way, I had a conversation with my driver.

my Uber driver on the way to the airport. So nice. So nice, but I was very tired. Yeah. We had a long weekend. I just kind of wanted to chill. And he was chattie, chattie, chattie. He was chattie, chattie, bang, bang.

He was very inquisitive. You don't know the rules? What do you mean? What you do? What do I do? I open with a statement. You say, I don't want to talk. No.

What do you say? Okay, hey, dude, I'm going to be listening to music. So if you need anything, just, you know what I mean? That's smart. But he was a fan. But my earphones aren't even on. By the way, Okay, so the Uber driver,

super nice guy, he's a big fan, loves bad friends, loves you. How do you know? He vocalized it. Verbly? Or through hand language or... It was nonverbal. It was nonverbal?

Yeah. He goes, bad friends. Yeah, that's verbal. He went, yeah, that's bad friends. Yeah, yeah. No, this is bad friends. And... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So he did that? He said he loved us. Yeah. And then he was talking, I said, he was talking, he was like, oh, I just drove back from L.A., blah, blah, blah, blah. He said, I've been in the car for like 30 hours or something. I was like, oh, that's crazy. And he said, I got a gift sent to me from my home country for my sister's wedding or something.

I had to go pick it up. I said, oh, that's cool. Where originally are you from? Pakistan. And immediately, I'm in like a mood. Like, he's trying to talk about. And I just, all I kept thinking about was those videos from Pakistan. That's like, do you know, Pakistan?

Do you know those videos? And I started talking to him. He goes, I love those videos. Yeah. I'm going to be pilot. Dude, what will you do for Pakistan? And so I'm literally just yelling at him like that in the car. I'm not in letting get an out of the word out.

I keep going, I love, Pakistan is great. And then he goes, I have no problem with that. I'm Pakistani. I have Indian friends. So he's opened up this gate. I'm like, oh, no, I just think the videos are funny. He's like, no, but I understand there's a lot of hatred in the world right now as far as it. And I was like, oh, no, I think he.

Oh, no. And he goes, and I'm Muslim. And he goes, my barber is Jewish. And then he starts to keep talking. and I go, Jewish barber? Have you ever Jewish barber? Is that a thing? Yeah.

I mean, what a disappointment for the family? Does that Jewish barber go to an American barber to attack the Muslim guy? No, but he says, I'm Muslim, and he goes, well, I'm not a practicing. He's like, I'm not like, you know, praying five times a day. And then that logged in my brain for the rest of the time. I couldn't hear you.

Five times is a lot of times. A day he says he praying? He's five times? Not anymore. He can't, It's exhausted. Yeah. But also, why would they do that?

Why not breakfast, lunch, and dinner? It's called Fajir, Sunrise, DeHur, Assir, Magrib, and Isha. But the thing is, is that it can be quick. All right now, go. That's it. I mean. What, you are facing east.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, how quick was that prayer? That was really good. And if I did that five, then, I mean, it's over. If Bobby. Yeah, yeah.

If Bobby was Muslim and had to pray, you know the little rug that they have? Oh, yeah. Imagine how he would have the most, like, fancy, vintage, cool rug. He would have to have the dopest rug out of all the rug. It would be the high end, Montclair rug. It would be a fancy rug. Yeah, yeah. Is that a Goyard prayer rug?

Yeah, it would be the dope. You would have a fancy rug. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And different brands, though, too. I would do a Belisiga. A Valenciaga. a rug, you know what I mean? Just for like a Friday, I'm about clubbing.

You know what I mean? I would have a Montclair one. I would have a, if Golden Goose had a rug, that'd be cool. I guarantee you they'd make a... And then a made one row where it's like kind of tattered and look at old school. You know what I mean? From like a 50s. It's a vintage.

It's a vintage but brand new rug. Yeah, I'll get you Muslim, dude. Yeah, I'll get Muslim. Sign up. Sign up and go Muslim. Why not? Well, five times this is a lot, you know. It's just a lot of times to stop and roll out together.

Yeah. I would probably go Zoroastriism. There's only like 600 of them on planet Earth. And I don't know exactly what they practice. But that seems like what? It's also before Christ. You mean so before Christianity? You mean BC?

Yeah, BC. So it's like, I think I would go with Zoroastriism. That's how cocky Christians are. What? They name time before their own time. I know. But it's still their time. Exactly.

BC still is us. You're like, well, Christ not exist yet. I know, but it's still our time. because it's always been. That's awesome. I mean, how do you feel about, I think I'm being affected about the world around me,

the war and all that stuff. I was at marshmallow nightclub last night. I don't know what's going on in the world, dude. We went out till 4.30, 5 in the morning. Unbelievable. What are we doing? They were like, you want to go to marshmallow? I was like, yeah, I guess.

Yeah, wow, you went to marshmallow, huh? I didn't go to that. Yeah, yeah. He went to his room. I went to sprinkles. I got cupcake. you do. I see the sprinkles in San Jose.

The Sprinkles Cupcake vending machines. There's no way they're making money. You don't want to buy it out of money. No, no, no, no. How long has it been in there? That's closed down. Oh, it's closed down? They're all closed?

Yeah, LA. But do you buy, do you buy, like, headphones from the kiosk? So one time I did have to buy because I forgot mine on a long trip. And I thought, who's buying it? I was. I was a guy. People put, whee, hoo-hoo-hoo-oh. And I'm sitting there.

And I'm ashamed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. People passing by like, Dude, who buys that? Yeah. What are you doing? But imagine, like, you know, like when you buy a candy bar and he gets stuck, right? You're like, it's 60 cents.

Right? But an AirPod. But doing an AirPod. A Bose, you know what I mean? Airbon. That's $300. Imagine that getting stuck. And you're like, banging out of the fucking machine.

It's $300. You're buying meta glasses and they're stuck. Imagine. Imagine a kid getting stuck in there. You know how they do in fucking those. They crawl through the thing. The crane machine. How do they get in there?

Some nerd is in there. Yeah. Some nerd kid is in there. You know what I mean? Some sweet little nerd. Yeah. Wow. So San Jose was good?

You know, you love it up there. Well, I mean, I played that room for over 20 years and it's like, it's very comfortable. But it's,

you know, it's the same thing where it's like, I got to do that place. Yeah, it's a great club. I never done it. Wow. I know.

I just never did an improv run. Wow. It's a theater. You'll love it. No, no, I just mean I've only done a few improvs. I never really did a bunch of improvs. Yeah.

But you used to do that all the time. I'm, guy. But you used to do San Jose like twice a year. Sometimes yeah. It's crazy. It's a great audience. But you know how I've been going to the comedy store for so long that when I go in there

I feel nauseous. What do you mean? Because it's I've been there so long that it just kind of makes me want to go, this again. What? Yeah, like there's a nausea that happens. You're losing the love of the store? No, I've always loved it, but it's just like

It's like, you know, going into your living room. I love my living room. Oh, you do? You don't feel nauseous. Sick in my house. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can experience nausea from visiting the same place repeatedly due to several factors

and condition responses, environmental triggers. Yeah, yeah. I've had a lot of trauma at the store back in the day. I don't know. There's just something about that. But San Jose improv has the same effect. You get nauseous when you go? When I walk into the video,

I just feel nauseous. Well, that's not good. It's not good. It's just because I've been going there for so long. and it's like... You should stop, then. No, I mean, maybe. I'm day nine not smoking.

You guys, come on. That's a huge deal. Day nine is, I think they say, what's the day that you stop? What's like the crest? What day is like you finally get over the hump of not smoking? It's got to be like two weeks.

You've got to be getting close. I want this for you so bad. After the first week, okay? So seven to ten days is when you're going to start to clear up. And then two to four weeks, you're going to be clean, ready to rock and roll. Yeah, yeah. So anyway, maybe that had something to do with it,

but there's always a kind of a, it's, it's, um, also what bummed me out was, so the Friday first show, um, you know, it's a theater, so it's like,

I go to the balcony and it's empty. What do you mean? No one's there. The show's not on yet. No, it's starting. And you're on the balcony? No one,

so it's not sold out upstairs? It, It's all sold out. People buy tickets that don't show up all the time. I know, but what happened was, this is the date a year ago

I never just showed up. I just didn't show up. You rescheduled it. Yeah, so it was rescheduled. So all the tickets from that transferred over this, right? So, like, a lot of people just didn't show up.

Yeah. Right? And I, it pulled me out. I understand. The fucking cookies, look at the cookies that little made for me and the show was really nice.

This one's kind of my favorite. I'm not gonna lie. Well, I'll have the one with me on it. You know what so funny about this cookie? That's Old Bob. Do you notice that? Yeah. That's Old Bob with long hair, old Bob.

And I saw a video of you posted on the internet with old hair. Yeah. Old Bob hair. Yeah. And it made me miss the long hair. I'm growing up. You have to. I am.

I am. I'm growing up. Because Old Bob hair, like that, when it was that long. Oh, it's going to be long. There's videos when we first started this podcast. Yeah. Your hair was insane. Your hair was insane.

I know. You know, who didn't get high this weekend. Carlos, he was a good boy. in Vegas, no less. He does it behind your back. No, he doesn't. Yeah, he does. I spoke to weed.

Remember I told you I was vaping it in the room. You were? Yeah, I told you. You said you're not doing anything. Dude, what kind of boss are you, dude? Not a good one. Yeah, right behind your back. He even says it to you and you don't even fucking listen.

Well, I'm a great boss. You're not a great boss. No, I'm a good boss. No, you're not a good boss. You're not a good boss? Your employee goes, hey, hey, boss, I'm smoking weed right in front of your face. Yeah, apparently. And you're like, he didn't do any drugs this week.

Yeah, yeah. You get a bad dad, dude. I'm trying to, I would not be a bad dad, dude. Oh, you know why? Because I'm cool. Okay, I'm, you know what? I know. Here's the problem. Here's the problem. Yeah. When he vapes, I don't know if it's weed or if it's vaid. But he just said he told you he was doing it. I was not paying attention. I was busy. Wait, wait, wait, how did you say it? I'm Andrew. No, look at me. Look at me. Look at me, right?

Okay. And what is Andrew doing? Andrew goes, you're being a good boy, right? And I go. Oh, yeah, okay, let me, you're being good boy, right? He goes, no, I forget what else he says, but I go, just let me just say it the way that you. Okay. Who cares what he said? Let him play the scene. Yeah, yeah, let me play the scene, right?

All right, you're Andrew. Yeah, yeah, you're being good boy, huh? Your, your lip is bleeding. Oh. Yeah, put some blood on your lip. Yeah. It's fine. Go.

No, I need blood. You got it. See, this is an actor prepares. Yeah, yeah, I need a lot. An actor prepares, and there's some red there. Yeah. You're a good boy, huh? No, I'm just vaping weed.

Don't worry about it. That's what you did? I was worried about my show. I was thinking about the set. What did I really say when you told me you were vaping? You said that that was worse than smoking joints. Yeah, it is. What's in those fucking things?

It doesn't matter. You did know. So you lied to me. No, I just forgot. Zbiotic. You know, sometimes I like to go out, have a couple of sodas, responsibly. I'm an adult. But when I drink alcohol gets converted into a toxic byproduct in the gut.

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Ooh. So go to Quince, Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash bad friends for free shipping and 365-day returns. Quince.com slash bad friends. I'm like at the San Jose Improv, right? They have a security guy that walks me to my hotel and I'm like, I, stop.

Yeah, but they do that for, they do that. I don't need, I know where to go. Yeah, but you're easily attackable. No, no, dude. People attack you all the time. But before, like, the other rest of the day, you're free I'm just walking around alone in the same area and stuff like that why in this specific incident because you're under their tutelage right that you're under their they if you got hurted beyond them during that

when they're done with you I think once I get out of the club it's free I agree yeah yeah I think it's like you know I mean our responsibly is over you like I don't because I always tell him like you please just stay here but he does like to smoke back in the day he would smoke behind the security guard and walk and very like gallivant behind the security and like dart his eyes. No, I did it. You never see me. You were sultry. Yeah, you did. When we were on tour, you'd be walking behind the security and you'd do this. You'd be like sexually smoking. No, you'd never see me do that at all. Yes, you

would. You're pissing me off. Everyone's fucking nodding. You're pissing me off. I've never done that. You would romantic. Making the security guard walk with the front. Okay, dude, I've never done then. That's not the face. No, don't do. All right, what are you doing? No, you would like cool, like, very like. But I'm, you're you're doing this with your hand. You do.

When you walk with your cigarette, you kind of bob a little bit. When you walk and then you'll smoke and then your eyes will be darting all romantic. I'm listening to the Doobie Brothers or something. No, you're not. Yeah, yeah. I bop. Dude, I bop when I listen to the Doobie Brothers. You're so.

Yeah, yeah. You're duby bother. Listen to the music. Dude. So it's like I'm Doobie brothering. It's romantic though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's like, and I don't know if that's a security guard.

You're saying the behind the security guard. You would walk behind. I'm duby brother. You would doby brother. All right. Okay. So anyway, I took mushrooms last night. Can you put that in?

Yeah, I felt amazing. When was the last time you took mushrooms? A couple weeks ago. Oh, but was it more of a dosage? This one was higher. Yeah, much higher. Yeah, because I've been microdosing. Oh, you've been microdosing.

For my mental health. Yeah. I genuinely had it. And I heard it helps. I do feel much better at night. Yeah. When I microdose, I do feel like the end of the day, I don't have as much anxiety before I go to bed because I used to lay awake in bed at night.

I've been coming three weeks. Start microdosing. Yeah, because an Alexa pro. Wait, really? Yeah. So you can't nut? I can't cut. What comes out?

I can't nut, nothing. I mean, I haven't even tried. Really? Yeah, it's weird. Did they have something to combat that? They do. No. One, two, three.

Blue chew! Now blue two gold. An oxenella molololokal. Some main ingredient. An oxenella monoclo. the two ones that thing I can't say. No, I did and I watched my cousin play roulette and I was feeling fantastic.

Oh, your cousin was there? Yeah. Was he juicing too or what? He was having a great time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He is, he's so funny. But then when I was using in Mexico, we weren't doing that. Oh, yeah. Who? You and I? We were not having a good time when you were using in Mexico.

Yeah, but because why is it not, like, why couldn't we have those times? Because you're a drug addict and you have no control. Because you don't use until you get high and feel good. you use until it's unmanageable until there's poop on the walls and you're screaming and you're pointing in my face in front of people going,

you fucking lied. This has no booze in it. You fucking liar. In front of everyone. You know who I am? I'm, I'm Ren from Ren and Stimpy. Yeah, you are. Stimpy the dog.

Ren's the dog, right? Ren's a little weird dog. Yeah, yeah. Because I love Ren because Ren's so paranoid. Yeah, that's, yeah. You know what I mean? And he gets in people's faces and he has these delusions, you know what I mean?

And I love that character. Somehow you're both of these guys. I think so, I think I am Rand, and Simpy. You're a little... You're snippy and, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I love that cartoon. But anyway, yeah, I ran out when I'm like...

It's just when you... You're up to something. No, and then you pointed in my face and yelled at me in front of everyone because you wanted booze and I lied to you and I got you... Yeah, yeah, because I'm no dumb, dumb. I know what you're doing. But you were so fucked up. I know, but I know what you're doing.

Well, protecting you. Yeah, yeah, but I can... I'll just get my own drink. I mean, you flew to Mexico with a suitcase full of drugs. Full of drugs. You open your suitcase. And guess what? I flew back with no drugs.

Yes. Yeah, because of us. No, I did it all. Okay. You're right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You did. That's called magic.

That is called magic. In a weird way. Okay, so it's like, but we never had that. Next time I go out. No, you're not going to. Yeah, yeah. No, shut the fuck up. Or I'm tired of this fucking bullshit.

I'm boss too. All right. Your boss number two? Yeah, I'm like the vice president. Yeah. I'm J.D. Vance. You kind of are. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. You know? You're not going to go out. What I'm saying is the next time I go out, you know what I mean? God forbid it doesn't happen, right? I want to know I want to go to marshmallow. Okay? You can go to marshmallow without using.

I know, you know, no, I want to go to marshmallow. I want to be on shroomed. I want to be on ketamines. You know what I want to go? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to go to Vegas. I want to be able to, like, walk out of a fucking bathroom and go. and go, are you okay?

You know what I mean? But actually have cocaine in my nose. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want that next time. It's never going to happen, but hypothetically it could. And what I'm saying is that the next time,

don't cut me out. I won't. Because unless if I went out, you cut me out, you were all being parental. That doesn't matter. No, I want good times. Not Carlos, Carlos.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, so you're mad that we are protecting you. I don't want to be protected, dude. Yes, you were. I want to go to marshmallow. I mean, I want to go out with Andreas. You know what I mean? And have those times.

We can do it without alcohol. No, no, no. Next time, no, we can't have those times because I'm all fucking Christian on the road now. You're not Christian on the road. Yeah, yeah, but I'm like, I'm going to bed now. Yeah, but we did that too. I do that. I know you eventually did, but like I do it at like 11.

Yeah. So my point being is that, you know, you guys are going to have your all your Vegas nightlife and still and I get cut out when I'm out. It's a bullshit. You can't because you're... Yes, I can. You're a drug addict. It's a label, and I refuse to believe it. I know I am one.

You are. I am, and I... He is? Yeah. I know, but he's not... Why is he okay? He's not okay. We're very concerned.

I know what that... Why when I wasn't okay? Because we care more about you. Carlos. You make more money. Yeah. That's the way the world works. You're famous.

You're worth more in this world. Oh, so if you passed away from an overdose. No, if I, like, made a movie, all of a sudden, and y'all would like talk to me more probably and care more about my health. I talk to you every day. I should have said more. This bit is so stupid.

We care about all of you equally. The difference is you have control of your addiction right now. He does not. I know, but I can't do anything. What do you want me to do with him? Fire him? Should we fire him? Maybe when he's like, you know what I mean, hey,

hey, dad, I'm smoking weed right in front of you. That's not bad, though, to just smoke weed. If I'm just smoking weed, that's so chill. That's like going to war and just like showing up for a day with a gun. Or you're like just outside of Karg Island. Yeah. You're on a ship. You know what I mean?

Yeah. You don't know if you're going to attack Karg Island yet. Is that what it is? I don't know what Kargailand is. Do you know what Kargai is? Oh. It's an island. Is this one of your Antarctica theories?

No, it's not a theory. It's an Iranian island. I mean, they have, you know what I mean, oil reserves there. and and TikTok is full of you've been seeing you've been watching so much like I know how much Iran stuff you've been looking at now it's all day every day I know 24 hours a day I mean you just see what I was saying before you have to stop is there a Karg Island yes yeah yeah yeah and what's on Karg Island

probably oil reserves yeah yeah yeah oh my God now he's being fucking racist racist there's more sand in the middle everywhere has sand okay There's oil reserves. Exactly. That's what I just said. Cargid Island is a 7.7 square mile coral island in the Persian Gulf that serves as Iran's primary oil export terminal.

Right. And there's now like questions if the U.S. Marines are going to charge Carg Island, take control of it. Dude, so good. David Attenborough. As the Marines chomp come. You know? Yeah. I mean, I'm sorry.

I'm consumed about the war. Why? You're not a soldier. I'm an American citizen. I just paid $130 of the pump. And I drive a moped. That's a lot, dude. All right.

Very fair. I drive a moped. Was that how much gap was? $130 to fill up your tank? No, it was like 80 something, but I usually pay. $80? Yeah, but I usually only pay, and that's my small car, $55, $50. Do you do the cheap gas?

No, I did the Supreme. What does that mean? That's actually a really good question. Yeah, well, I mean, I never knew. Can you explain to me the three different, Unletted premium and then supreme. Cool cars get the fancy one and the shitty ones. It's like air one water.

Oh, it is? No, tell me this difference because I don't know. So I will tell you. Yeah, yeah. So a combustion engine, right? Well, explain that. Let's start with a car. So a car.

Start with the car. Beep, beep, beep, vroom, vroom. Oh, okay, beep, boom, boom. Okay, hold on. So a combustion engine, right? Little explosions have to take place within these pistons, right? And these pistons that are in your car that fire that make it go fast and have torque, right, and have power and drive. Yeah.

Higher octane, right, the higher octane numbers, they fire out of cleaner and faster rate. So faster, nicer cars, like F1, they need highest octane levels. So they do Supreme? They do their own, they have a different octane. They have octane that we can't get. F1 gas. I need that. How did we get that?

I don't think your moped can ham. that. I doubt it. No. All right. I doubt it. No, but it's higher octane gas. It burns cleaner and it fires, it fires cleaner and it's out cleaner for the engine, higher octane.

But it's more expensive. But that's what it is. That's essentially why people do. All right. But people who have like a just a luxury call, like to say someone that has a BMW. Okay. And just a regular BMW. Right.

And they put in the most expensive highest. Supreme. It's meaningless. They should just put it. The only. reason you would need a higher octane level in your cars if your engine requires a higher minimum because of the performance of the engine. So performance cars need them. So in my my Hyundai, you know what I mean? Your moped. My mopad. Yeah. I put Supreme in, right? Just thinking that it's

better for the engine or whatever, it's pointless. No, it is hypothetically better for the engine. It's going to burn cleaner. Well, then I'll just keep doing that. But it's not going to make your engine. It's not going to make your your, it's not going to make your moped go faster. I'm not trying to go room, room. So then put in the cheapest. Yeah, but I want my engine to be healthy. It's not even your car. Oh, that's right.

Yeah, you're going to give it back. I'm giving you a back. Yeah, don't do that. Who cares. If it's a lease, by the way, it's every American. If it's a lease, fucking put the shittiest gas in there, you can find. Go to Sinclair where the dinosaur is, where it's like a dollar 86. The tarpitz?

The tarpits. LeBria. You go down a lab. Scoop it. I scoop it. I stick it in the ground. Manually do it? Yeah, I manually do it.

This is the funniest thing about the cookies that I'm gnawing on because they're delicious. Yeah. Is they were like doing shout-outs. You know, they did white noise cookie. They did whiskey ginger. They did bad friends. But you did the John Cena movie? What do you mean?

We're never going to be cool leads in a thing. Yeah, but people think that you're cool already. Whom? I'm sorry. When you were in Vegas, did no one come up to show up to your show and buy a ticket? Well, Carlos can actually tell you, unfortunately, nobody came. It was a fucking bummer, man. Yeah, it was a huge.

Oh, it was a bummer? Yeah. Oh, my bad. We went out for a nice little fancy dinner. Mm-hmm. We had a great little dinner. Carlos paid the bill. That's unbelievable.

He paid the bill. Through my tour money. You haven't paid me yet. We haven't even started. Through my tour money? Yeah, you haven't paid me yet. But by your future tour money. I paid him with my future tour money.

I paid Delilah with future money. Yeah, yeah, which is my money. Yeah, I said Bobby will pay you in four money. Yeah, yeah. So I pay for your dinner. Hey. Yeah. You know he didn't pay for the dinner. You know damn well.

Yeah, yeah. In fact, I don't think any of them have paid for the dinner. I have paid for a dinner before. Which one? Wait a minute. Time out. Before you get it, what are you raising your hand for? When have you paid for a dinner?

I paid for our breakfast one time. When? When? I was over there at the white place with the weird squid. Oh, you and him. Was it a cool clan rally? What? No, I definitely wasn't there.

With the white hoods. in the white faces. I mean, what did you know? I don't know. I wasky ginger one day. Because I didn't in my wallet or something? No, you were like, you're paying today. I said, okay.

Okay, good. That's good. Have you ever paid a meal for me? We don't, we've gotten, we've gotten food together once. That's so not true. That's not true. Me and you together?

Which one? Where was it? It was, you took me to sushi around my birthday. Where was it? And then we went to see the Mission Impossible. That's right. We've done stuff together. I know.

That was one time. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was one time. But a great one. No, I don't do little like, you know what? White hats, white face

you know what I mean? Breakfast places. We don't do that at breakfast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think you would do a nice sushi restaurant and a fucking fine-ass movie tickets, right? Yeah, I don't do white face, white head. You know what I mean?

Yeah, so it's like... You just fart? No, it was the... But yeah, so you've had... Andreas, have you ever paid for a meal? I don't think so. I don't think we ever been to a meal together. Well, as bad friends we have

As a group we have A group, yes Yeah, yeah You don't think Yeah, one on one We've never had a meal together No, I don't think we have That kind of relationship

Yeah He's just too cool for us now He's got a kid Yeah Yeah He's over it Kind of makes me mad It's just that whole thing

You know what I'll be on it I think it's on you No Yeah, there's no You know I call you a lot You know

You only text me. I call you a lot. You only text me. I think it's you. I know that's not true, but I'm just going. No, no, that really is.

I call them a lot. About what? Yeah, about what? Do I not call you? What's it about? You have called me, but about what?

What are you interested in me? What are you a girl? Yeah, yeah. Why do you like me, Bob? Tell me why you like. Happy birthday? Text.

Oh, that was a text. Yeah. You know what time is bad friends? Yes. Yeah, yeah. What time is bad friends? Yeah, yeah. But you have to read behind the context of it.

He's saying more than just what time is. Yeah, scramble the words. He forced me to say I love you in front of his friends. Yeah. You should say I love you more. I mean, these are the things I'm talking about, dude. It's like there's more resistance when it comes to you than me. Because he has a lot of repression.

Fancy has a lot of repression. Yeah, repressed feelings. He gets really uncomfortable. And then when he got drunk, he got really touchy-feely with me. Yeah. Did you not? And that's when your real self comes Where the defense goes down

Yeah And this is how I really feel Well, I tell you he wants to be a star now Because I pitched a little show About me and him going to like a local bar To me like showing him What a local watering hole is like Yeah

And literally the other day after the episode He's like Andrew When are we going to do this show Where you and I go to their bar And whose name goes first Whose name is on top He wants to headline the show Wow

And by the way That only reminds me McCone That breakfast that reminds me this is the funniest part I know that I did that to you just to tease you you know

to be like oh you pay this time but I also know that stayed with you for a while you've been thinking about it yeah how much was it no how much was it like 30 dollars no it wasn't much

but I was like it's way more than I would have spent on breakfast but I was like this is good Can you talk in the mic I was also like this is a good thing

why is it a good thing because I get so much it's nice to pay I'm back. Oh, I see. Because he walks around like this all day. I know. Have I not given you cash before? Yeah, you constantly give me. Yeah, but you can't get me a breakfast. If you want to go out for breakfast, yeah, sure. He does not want to go out for breakfast. With me. He actually texted me the other day out of the blue. What did say? He said, uh, Marty Supreme is a film of two halves. That's true. Yeah. That's actually a very true statement. What? This is the New York Times.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. He's a critic. No, I mean, I watched the, I mean, can I have not my own opinion about the movie? It is a film of two half. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought that the first half of the movie, right, was like brilliant. It was. I thought the setup was good. And then I think it just ran away from itself.

It became something else like, there was a light editing that needed to be going on or whatever. Get to the thing. It was a lot of other movies. Other movies in there. And it just, I got lost in it. And, you know, at the end of the day, good movie, but, you know, I mean, it doesn't deserve any awards, in my opinion. Shopify. You know, we have an online business here at Bad Friends, and we would not be nothing without Shopify, okay?

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My pay eligibility requirements apply and credit limit ranges $20 to $500. Optional services and products may have fees or charges. See chime.com slash fees info. Advertised annual percent and yield with chime plus status only. Otherwise, 1.00% APY applies. No mean balance required. Chim card on time payment history may have a positive impact on your credit score. Results may vary. See chime.com for details and applicable terms. I think the coolest thing is that Sean Penn got a ward and didn't show up. Yeah, he was in Ukraine.

He gave it to Zelenski. I love that. He gave him his Oscar. Yeah. And he carried it in like a Jan Sport backpack. Yeah, that's amazing. Bubble wrapped. I thought that was like the funniest shit. Amazing. It's funny to take something that so many people cherish show dear and throw it in like a trapper keeper and give it to a fucking look at that show the video of him pulling out of a backpack it's

it's like FIFA giving a FIFA Nobel Peace Prize to fucking Trump remember that yeah some make-believe thing that they've never done before jump in has a that there's a vibe about him that I kind of believe yeah I believe everything he is I think he is extremely him I don't think yeah I I don't think that during Hurricane Katrina when he was diving into New Orleans and trying to save people He loves that shit. I think he was really trying to save lives.

I think he loves that shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're saying it's not performative. I don't think it's performative with him. You know what I mean? I think he's just, there's something's wrong. That's not wrong, but there's like there's like a... Yeah.

You know what I mean? An eccentric, you know, personality disorder. 100%. Yeah, where it's like he really, he went out there. Oh, yeah. He doesn't care about the leeches. Dude, he gave

Saving lives. He gave the fucking president of Ukraine his own Oscar. Yeah. I mean, doesn't he have one already? Yes, two. Two. Yeah, so where are you going to put it?

Next to the other one. I know, but it's like, you know, you would never. My Oscar? You know what my Oscar would be? Well, your Oscar's more like a Juan. Ask me where my Oscar is.

That is a good joke. Yeah. Go ahead. I said your Oscar is more like a Juan. You'll never get an Oscar. You'll get a Julio before you get an Oscar. Oh, that's mean.

It's not true, though. It's mean. You're never going to win a fucking Oscar. You're out of your mind? I was just trying to make a hypothetical game about like... You know, and I was just having fun, but I'm just digging you in. Yeah, but you know. Give me your Oscar speech if you did win.

We shouldn't do Oscar jokes. It was so fucking long ago. The Oscars. But yours would be in the front door. Yeah. Lights. Yeah. Music every time.

Right as you open the door, it's like, Ah! Dun, done, done, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. And Bobby's like... No, I would have a gigantic Oscar holding the Oscar. Yes. Yeah, yeah. That's actually awesome.

Yeah, yeah. Then I would... And Lightson. Yeah, yeah, but don't forget the gigantic Oscar. Yeah. You ever walk into somebody's house? You ever walk into somebody's house and they've got like Emmys, plural? You know, and you're like, how did you get a fucking Emmy?

I know, yeah, yeah. Like, you'll go to somebody's house who's like, someone you know in the business and you're like, you got a fucking Emmy? Yeah. And they're like, yeah, we got three of them. We did this outstanding non-scripted, blah, blah, blah thing, daytime Emmy. And you're like... They give too many, though. I know, but...

But I saw... I went to a guy's house and, like, it was like on the bottom. Like, there was a bunch of books. It was just the corner of a room. I go, what's that? He goes, that's an Emmy. That's crazy. And I go, I would have an Emmy on top of an Emmy.

Inside of another Emmy. Inside of another Emmy. You know what to be like? one of those Russian dolls Petruscan dolls. Yeah, Khrusha dolls. You know what I mean? There'd be so many Emmys within Emmys.

You know what I mean? Like, but he just put it right in the corner of this like, you know, me discreet, just doesn't care about it. Rusting. That's cool. I think that's what I would do. How funny if it was, if I did get nominated for something. I would quit the show.

It would validate all my hate for the business. Oh, yeah, yeah. Really? Well, it's all bullshit. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that would be definitely both. My friend. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Well, I'll tell you why I won't. Even if I do a good job in a movie, the reason why I won't is because I can't do the thing that you need to do. Which is? Which is go and shake hands and you know what I mean? You're so good at that. No, I'm not.

You are very- I don't show up to those things. But for this you would. Oh, you think you got to go to Paris and meet so-and-so and you got to do this and that. You think I would do all those things. Yeah. Have you ever seen the movie Home for Purim? No.

It's one of the best. That's like one of the, it's called, that's not a mighty wind, is it? Now, for your consideration, sorry. For your consideration. Yeah. This shitty little movie called Home for Purim.

It's a movie inside of a movie and the cast thinks it's a shitter and then it gets Oscar buzz that they might actually win. So then they all change. They dynamically all change. Yeah. They become like so full of themselves

and they all become the fakesest version of who they used to be. Oh, that's cool. Oh, it's brilliant. Oh, wow. That's a, Yeah. What's his name movie?

What's wrong? Christopher Guest. It really is? Yeah. Oh, wow. Look at the cast. By the way, did we kill yet another celebrity? Yeah.

We did. Chuck Norris. Dude, we got to stop talking about famous people. We killed Chuck Norris. No, we didn't kill Chuck Norris. Yes, we did. Hey, he was 70, what, 81 years old. No, he was only 68 or 69.

86. 86. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I think that if they're. Above 75, we didn't kill them. How about 80?

If they're above 80? Above 80, I think he was on his way. 86 is a good run. Yeah, that's a really good run. But you know, Hawaii is where I want to die. Yeah, you've talked about that. Yeah, yeah. Why?

Because I saw Ram Dass die there. Yeah, I mean, and when it was the last video, it was weird. Because this is when they had, when I first got, what do you call that, the Oxy-Oculus? Yeah. Right? And then there was like a thing where you could press.

and see Ram Dass. Oh, wow. Right? Right. So then, you know what I mean? You go, boop. Ram Dass, right? And he's like a thousand.

He looks like a thousand years old. He is. And he's in Hawaii. And he's going, you know what I mean? Yeah, it's just a process. Yeah, you know what he's talking? You know, you know what I mean?

It's a witness to realism. You know, whatever he's talking about, right? And then you could zoom around his body, see all his liver spots and stuff. But then like, yeah, but then I was like, it was definitely in Hawaii, right? And I'm like, oh, this is where you pass. You want to die in Hawaii.

I think so. In a beautiful day in Hawaii with the palm trees, beautiful day, and just sitting there, you know, maybe on an oculus. You know, I mean? See me die on an oculus or something, you know what I mean? But like 3D. I want people to see me die in 3D.

Sign up for Bad Friends Patreon. We will be doing a viewing party of Bobby's death. And you can live... Would you do a vlog? As I die? Yeah. Why? Until you can't talk.

Oh, my God. As I lay dying? Yeah, yeah. That's so dark. Yeah, but I would pod until I can't talk. You'd be doing a death pod? Yeah, I'd do a death pod. There is a guy that does, the guy that got diagnosed like stage four or something cancer,

and he's doing like a pod until he dies. Yeah. There's like a guy that was an artist that was doing this. Would you do it? No, because it would be, let me tell you something. Yeah, yeah. I would do it with you. But if I have terminal cancer, I'm telling you guys now in this room, none of you will

ever know. Oh, yeah. You would know either if I had it. Yeah, I wouldn't tell anybody. Yeah, yeah. I would do what's his name did. Norm? Huh?

Norm? Norm, but I was thinking about what's that beautiful actor? Oh, Chadwick. Chadwick Boseman. Didn't tell a soul. Yeah. Why did, why? Because you don't want people to treat you differently as you die.

You don't want someone to treat you different because you're, you're, when you're dying, when you're dying, when you're going to talk to you like a baby. Because they know you're saying. Are you okay? How was today? How was today? Yeah, you don't want in that shit. Just treat me like you treat me and then I'll die. Yeah.

Please tell me. though. I would. No, please tell you have to tell me. Do you want me to tell you now? I don't know. Like what stage,

like if it's stage two, would you tell me? How funny? I'm literally like withering away and Bob's like, are you okay? Yeah. I'm on the pod.

I'm just like, I'm totally fine. Yeah. I'm dying live on the pod. Yeah. No, I wouldn't tell anybody. I really actually. Even me.

I think just me and the old lady would know and I wouldn't tell anybody else. And then one day I show up you're not here? It's kind of beautiful, isn't it? No, it's not. It's like Goodwill Hunting. Yeah, then I got to call Theo.

You want to start one? Yeah, dude. I would, but I'm busy. What would I do? It's over. Yeah. It would be over. Well, I won't die.

Don't die with that. All right. All right, dude. Knock on wood. Knock on with me either, dude, for at least another five. Five? Yeah, yeah. Give me more than five.

Yeah, no, we need five more years. The couple next to me said that today. They said I was eating at the Chinese joint before I left and the guy was like just kind of started drummed up conversation nice guy had the casino I see you guys out here in Vegas doing something special he's like it's our anniversary it's awesome I was like yeah my in-laws are gonna you know about to do their 50th and she goes oh god we'll never make it there and the husband was like what do you mean what what you're going to leave me and she's like no I'll be dead in 20 years I'll be dead oh my it was their 30th

and I was like no you won't be dead and she's like I hope so I was like God Damn, lady. It made me sad. I was like, no, don't say that. What's coming for all of us? I know, but I don't want to think about it. Yeah. I think about it.

That's why I quit smoking. Yeah. Get me a shot. Get death away from the door. Yeah. Get him to go away. And now we're going to start exercising. I have been.

Go on. Well, I mean, I have. Yeah, go on. I believe you. I mean, I've been. I've been trying to. you know, we do set up. Can I tell you something?

Yeah. And this is not an insult. Yeah. But your stomach kind of looks like after someone gets surgery and they have all that extra skin left over because you've lost so much weight. I know. You got to just get that ripped off. No, I don't think I have that kind of extra skin.

You do. I get sit up. You think so? Let's do a tummy tuck for you. Yeah, yeah. I think I have extra skin here. Let me see it again. What?

He's going to gain the weight back. Okay, but don't, okay, stop sucking it. I am. Relax your body. Relax your back. I am. Relax. I am.

This. It's crazy how skinny you are. But this? Yeah. But I've been doing a lot of sit-ups. Have you? Yeah, I do like a thousand a day. Really?

You do a thousand a day. I try to do a thousand a day. How many do you actually do? Six. No, I know. No, I'm not kidding you. I do it like when I wake up, I do it like 150. And then during the day, I'll just keep doing it.

He just goes to the kitchen For I have to sit back Yes, I do Show me a sit up right now 150 No, not in a row Not in a row What do you mean?

You said I do like 150 Yeah, so I'll do like 25 Yeah Stop, right Look out the window Right? Watch neighbors on HBO Right?

And then I'll go You gotta do another 25 So I'll do another 25 right stop but I'll make sure I get to 150 in the morning in the fucking when I wake up you do 150 yeah yeah I mean I just started a week after I quit smoking can I see how you do your form no please let me see your form no I just want to see how you do it no I can't do it because you're gonna tease me and it's gonna be mockery and I don't want I don't want to do that because it's gonna dis what

what it's gonna do is gonna make me go oh don't do them anymore because it's mockery of course I'm gonna tease me that's why I'm not doing I'm doing it right now, dude. Yeah, but I'm going to, I'm doing it. I'm going to do it for a year and see what happens. I'm so proud of you. You'll be ripped. Yeah, really do it.

Yeah, if you really am doing it. Like this. I'm obsessed with it, yeah. Do you brace your legs with something to like, because you need weight on your feet? Yeah, so I hook my legs on my cabinet. You do. Yeah, yeah, like this. And I get cramps on my feet.

Well, you drink water. Yeah, and I, and I try to hold this too. So the pain is there. Wow. Yeah, and right now it does hurt all of it. That's good. Yeah, yeah. Good pain.

It's all this pain down here. Do you put a mat down or are you doing it? I just do hard ground. You know what I call it? I'm doing old boy. Doing old boy. When he was stuck in that room for 15 years, right? So I'm only going to do push-ups.

I'm only going to do push-ups and sit-ups and just see what that does. Like jail. Yeah, like prison. Well, street workouts. You've seen those guys that only work out, like they just do pull-ups on streetlights. Have you seen how Jack these guys are? They go to a jungle gym. These guys are street works out.

That, those two black guys. I've seen these guys they don't do anything but push-ups, sit-ups, pull-ups, squats, like this is all from practical shit outside. Practical shit outside. No weights. Yeah. Also, it's like I went to that

fucking place. What's that gym next to my house? Equinox? No. Planet Fitness. So I walked in there and I go, I want to join. No, you didn't. I swore to God on my mother's life. Wow. And I went in there and I go, I want to join. They go, we want to, we need

a link, get your bank account. We don't do credit card membership. And I'm like, what? I don't know how to do that. And I just left. I go, fuck you. I'm leaving, right? I really was going to join Planet Fitness. You had Planet Fitness would be so funny.

It was right by my house. It's right by my house. You're never going to get anything done. People are going to bother you all day. No, no, no. No, dude, I put a mask on everything. You do? Oh, yeah, yeah.

And they can't tell it to you? first of all you have to cover your eyes if you're going to cover anything not your fucking mouth a Batman mask I'd like to work out I came here to work out Bean better not be in the cold punch yeah so I went there and they said welcome to the steam room Batman so I twist so I'm air to Schwitz yeah so then in my mind I'm like you know and I don't want to go to Equinox that's where all the super models and all the hot people go the hottest people it's just that's why I'm like I'm just going to go old boy style

and to just sit up some push-ups. Now, you can't tell yet, but maybe if I do it for like a year... You're going to get jacked. Maybe. But do you remember what you said to me in the car in Australia? What? You'll see.

You're going to see now. It's already been two years. I know, but listen, I didn't do anything until this week and a half, and I've been starting every day doing it because I need a new obsession. You're bored too.

Because I'm smoking. I used to smoke, right? So it's like instead of that, I have so much anxiety. So it's like I have to do it. Because if I don't, that I get entrenched in Iran. In Iran. Iran. Iran.

Oh, yeah. I didn't know what you were. I thought it was an app. Put me on to Iran. No, no, no. Like the war, like I get obsessed with the war and stuff and what's going on and stuff like that. You know what I mean?

And then I get lost in it. It causes me more anxiety. So it's like now I'm, you know what I'm being old boying it. You're old boy. Yeah. Or I call it the Travis Pickle. You know what I mean? That more lines up.

Yeah, yeah. You're not coming either. There's dirt and the trash in the streets. You know what I mean? It's insult talk. Yeah, yeah. It's like, yeah, I talk to myself. You know what?

The garbage, the human garbage. What? The shit and the cunts and the dogs. You know what I mean? You know who's up there in that room? That's my wife. That's my wife. You know who's up in that room?

Not my apartment. Yeah, that's not my apartment. You know what I mean? it's a he's a shooter what you're a shooter yeah yeah I'm about to

it's a little danger yeah yeah I just got a rifle laser guy yeah I'm travel smuggling it yeah yeah yeah I'm like I have like notes from the underground thoughts what's that mean

it's a Dostoevsky book and it's about a guy that's like living in a basement and judging society through like that little opening You know what I mean? You know what I mean? And I do that.

So scary. Yeah, yeah. That's such a scary thing to think about. No, I do it. Judging from a window sill in a basement. Yeah. Oh yeah. Just piss jars everywhere.

Yeah, yeah. Fap all over the place. Yeah, yeah. I'm J.D. Salinger, did. One would think. Yeah. You were very salingerian. Yeah, yeah. Salajirian did.

If I was an author, which author would I be? Never drinks water. He got calf cramps doing sit-ups, so now he's got to fix all that. Can I have another water, please? Yeah. Yeah, you're parched, huh? Yeah, I'm just so tired and terrain from it. I mean, this week was crazy.

Bad crazy? We did sack, and then I flew straight to Philly. You know, I mean, three days there, one day in L.A., then went to San Jose. Today I flew back. You know what I mean? I didn't sleep at all. It's like you're on the pit. Slept all day.

What the fuck is going on? Like a fucking camel? No, I love. You need it, huh? Yeah, so I'm old-boying it. You got old-boy it. Yeah. I think you're, I believe in you.

I believe- I mean, I'm never going to destroy you. I'll never get physically enough, you know, I'm not strong enough. You're just a bigger weight class. Yeah. How's dating going? I am seeing somebody,

and what I've been doing is just looking at them and go, Are we done? And she goes, are you sure? I got, I mean, you did it, right? She goes, yeah, I got there. And then I go, I think I'm done. So you're just bailing? What do you mean?

You're bailing out? You're not going to try to finish the job? Well, I'll come, like some excuse, like, we did the job. You know what I mean? We got rid of the, you know what I mean? Most of their military. Trump. We did the job.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so, you know, I need a, you know, it's called, you know, I mean, an exit strategy. Yeah, so I use an exit strategy, you know what I mean, when we're done. What is it? It's just like, at one time, what happened was, you know, I mean, she was working so hard. And I just grabbed her arms and I go, no, he shook it off. Yeah, and I shook it off. And she goes, are you sure?

I got, yeah. Like a pitcher to a catcher, just shaking off the signs. Yay. I don't want that. But is it worth it? I don't know. Well, if you're happier. Yeah, I'm happier.

But here's what's the great thing about it, though, is that... Am I boring, everybody? No, it's interesting. Are you sure? Yeah. I feel like being boring today. We're listening. Is that what it is?

Yeah, people are quiet when you're talking because they're listening. Okay. But what it is is what helped... I'm kidding. Are you being real? It was a bit. It was a bit because you just asked. But go ahead.

The cookies are. good. Come on, I'm serious. Okay. It was a bit. You just said something. I just didn't have the motivation or, you know what I mean? It's really weird. That's healthy. Couldn't do it. She was like hugging. I was hugging her

and I got kind of half hard. You know how you get half? I know that. You know that feeling, right? Yeah, yeah. It's like midway point. Oh, yeah. No turning back. Yeah, yeah. It's like neutral like India. Yeah, too much a roar, right? Too much war. Too much war.

But using reference. Too much. Way too much. Way too much. Switzerland. Yeah, I'm bearing very neutral. You know what I mean? But it's like,

another thing that I realize is that a new game came out that I've been anticipating for six months and I haven't played one single bit of it. What is the game? It's called Crimson Desert. Oh, yeah. I think it's Alexa Pro because it's like, it's downloaded.

You know what I mean? I turned it on and I saw the character, I got him to walk toward like a cabin. You got midpoint Yeah, I got midpoint Yeah I couldn't even reach the cabin You got neutral

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah You got sweet And my character stopped And I was like I just turned it off What? Yeah And then I just did 25 setups

We gotta get Yeah That's good Yeah Some more dry for life No it's like I don't know It's weird

It's like Because I play I use video games To like Not think about my life And not think about my anxiety and stuff But I don't have as much right So it's like I have no interest in

Escapism You know I mean In that way Yeah Yeah so but it The only but downside is You know I mean The climax thing

And the orgasm Nocoming is a big That's a bummer Big one. Yeah. You need to talk to your therapist. This isn't therapy, dude. Is there a spider on your shirt?

It's a hole on the wrong. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you're, you. It wouldn't scare me. A spider? I just look like one. I know, but it's like, I felt like you were trying to scare me.

No. Yeah, yeah. I think that a scorpion maybe. Is that a scorpion on your shirt? I'd be, whoa, oh. You know what I mean? But the spider was like, I don't know. It just, unless it was like,

you know, what's it called it? The brown one. Brown recluse. The brown recluse, if it was a brown one close, I would be scared a little bit. They're in California. Yeah, yeah, a Black Widow, probably. But a standard spider, I don't think I'm scared of.

You think that's disrespectful to them, that they're called standard spiders? You know, like when they're crawling up with your wall and they're trying to be tough, and you go, oh, look a little standard spider. What about brown recluse? That's so offensive. A brown recluse?

They're brown. Yeah. You know what I mean? How did they get into this country, is my real place? Yeah, exactly. Who brought them? papers. By the way, brown recluse,

black widow. Notice a theme? Oh, right. There's no white one that's... In fact, there's no white spiders. Yeah, there is. Genocide. Right there. Oh, there's one. Yeah, there's white. Yeah. Would you be scared with that one? Yeah. No, it looks, it looks nice and safe. Yeah. It's like, hello, neighbor.

Okay, dokey. White spiders ask to come in your house. Yeah, yeah. Hey, may I come in? Yeah. Come on in. You have some spare butter White spiders in Arizona That's really Those are cute Cool looking Yeah

But just some black in it Obama style Can I have another water please Unbelievable I love this Hydration Do you know why all the Ivy Ive girls are hot?

I know it I figured it out Why are they all hot Why did you figure it out Because I got them a bunch of times When I'm on the road And this helped me figure it out How

Because they're bullshit Because they don't Oh here we They don't work. And they send a hot girl to distract you from the fact that it doesn't fucking actually do shit. You piss it out five seconds later. It didn't do anything. It's placebo.

And here's how I know that's true. Half of these women that are administering these things, I don't even believe they're nurses. These are just fucking chicks who, it's like an agency hired them. I don't think that any of it's real. That's okay. They're hot, though. I don't want someone stabbing me in the fucking arm with a needle in a bag. So you'll never get to IV again.

I think they're sh bullshit. I get them every week. And is it working? It is working. On what? My sit-ups. Chouche. All right.

My sit-ups and my mind. They're overpriced and they're fake. I know that they're fake. There's vitamins in those bags, but you're pissed on. Why is your pee, right, a different color? You're answered my, what, you literally validating what I'm saying. You piss it right out. Yeah, but it's the vitamins and all the good stuff that's going through your body.

Almost nothing gets absorbed. You can talk to any doctor. They'll tell you your body. It goes to your veins. It doesn't absorb. You piss it right out. Five veins absorb. Let me see your veins. Those did absorb.

Yeah, yeah, they're absorbing veins, dude. You gotta get your veins checked out. Every doctor I know says it's a fucking scam. Yeah, yeah. And they're overpriced and they go, you'll retain such a small percentage of those vitamins. You might as well just take a handful of fucking vitamins at home. Easier than getting a drip for 40 minutes because you want a hot check in your living room. Oh, so what?

That's what it is. It's cool. See? No. It's a scam. It's not scam. It's a fucking scam. No, because then they add extra.

Do you want extra? Ooh, that doesn't sound like a scam at all. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you want extra something? It's like extra hot sauce at fucking Taco Bell. Yeah, put it in the fucking bag. Which one? Diablo?

Fire, fire, fire. Diablo. Here's why I don't like, no, here's why I don't like Diablo. Changes the flavor profile of Taco Bell. Fire is just hot enough and I buy it at the store. It's on sale right now at Vons.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's in my fridge. Yeah. I have four bottles. Oh, I got six bottles of Hardvark. I have nine bottles of shoe leather. Hardvark.

You know hardvark? Yeah. Great hot sauce. Nine bottles of it? Yeah, I ordered it on shop. On my phone. On shop? It's called shop on my phone.

Is it like Amazon shop? I don't know what it is, but yeah. The reason why I don't use Amazon anymore because all my deliveries goes to this girl I used to hit on in Phoenix. Because she was sick one time. And you forget to do that. Yeah, I forget to do the address. So she texted me. last way she said I got 12 bottles of art bark

and I go oh fuck and I finally figured out how to change the address you know what I mean enjoy the art vark though yeah I mean what a gift art bark's great she goes I got 12 bottles you're like thinking of you yeah and then here's what I also have been doing lately and I don't know if you know this is a good thing but um you ever go you ever go to the farmer's market every day no you know to fucking walk around the

fucking farmer's market and see like like four. By the way, it's three of the bins are the same thing. It's like, oh, is this lettuce again from this guy, a different guy? It's a honey guy, four lettuce stands, two egg ladies. Oh my God, what are you talking about? And how many candles? There's a sticker shop. Oh, all right? There's a nut shop. Oh, all right? I'm not going there for lettuce, guy. It's a scam. It's not a scam. Farmers markets are the IV of groceries. No, it's not. They're bullshit. Let me tell you something about fucking the farmer's market. Which farmers market are you talking? about. I'm third street. Third Street.

Yeah, the, um... The farmer's market. The, that farmer's market. Oh, the growth and the growth. The grove. Brother, we're talking about farmers. No, I'm talking about the third street farmers market.

All of us thought the other thing. Oh, you did? Yes. I got you. You got me? On third street. What about you, McCone? No, I thought you meant a real farmer's market.

A farmer's market. Oh, so the farmer's market on Thursday is not a real farmer's market. Oh, what is it called? The mall! It's the grove. It's called the grove. No, it's so the farmers.

Yes, that's the name of it. That's what it's called. No one calls it that. Nobody called that. Oh, so in big letters, it says the farmer's market. Yes. But no one calls it that? No.

First of all, nobody goes there. Yeah, yeah. Hey, Pepsi, no one calls that. It's brown juice. And what are you talking about? It is brown juice. Look at a farmer's market. Look at it's on a fucking temple.

I know, but what do you call that? A farmer's market. A farmer's market that were. referring to is a thing that's come and go. This is a permanent, it's permanent. All right. So next time I'll say permanent farmers market. Well, say, say, you know the farmer's market at the grove? That's what everybody said. I'll say that from now. Am I right? Am I fucking right? Everyone goes, oh, the farmer's market. That's a fucking farmer's market. There's nine people making candles, six people selling lettuce and one bitch selling eggs. It's the fucking worst. They're dog shit. Look at that.

Oranges. Don't need them. Don't need them. But, can I finish? Listen. Can I finish my farmers? The farmer's market at the Grove is phenomenal. It's a sticker shop. No, it's phenomenal. Yeah, but there's all kinds of stuff.

But it's a fucking mall. It's a mall with permanent restaurant. But what? Can I just, so there's a hot sauce store there? A hot sauce bar, yeah. Is that a bar? That's just a name, a hot sauce bar. Okay.

Okay, I'm sorry. I've been combative. I like it. Okay. So there's a hot sauce place there. And then there's the I always buy, I don't know why, and I have a fucking cabinet filled. I go, where's the hottest one?

You want a church just to have it? I don't have it. Like I have the source. But you're not going to put it on anything, all right? No. Just you dip the finger up? I have the one that's shaped like a devil. I have devil's blood.

You know what I mean? You have a devil's blood? You know what I mean? I have the hottest ones that you could buy, the most expensive ones. Very cool. Yeah, give me a devil's blood. Yeah, that one in the top.

Yeah, that's, yeah. Satan's blood. Satan's blood, yeah, yeah. I have a couple of bottles. Hey, what's up? It's Mikey. Today we're doing Satan's blood. So stupid.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I just, you know. But you collect them. But you collect them. I don't use them. I have the source too. The sources. No.

The source hot sauce. Yeah. The source hot sauce. Look at the way it comes out. Like a mind temple. It's like a book? Ancient. It's ancient.

No, it comes in that. And then, yeah, it's not. like that. It is so hot. It's 7.1 million Scoville units. Rory Scoville rated this. 7.1 million skulls. What is, so what is the average Scoval units of like a bottle of Chalula? Give me that. Here's the kid again. Yeah. Hey guys. I'm trying the source again. It's Mikey. Give me the Scovel units of a bottle of Chalula. And let's guess because it's 7.1 million for the source. I'm guessing. Regular Chulula hot sauce is like... 500.

Yeah, I was just going to say a thousand, Scoville. A thousand and two thousand. I was right on the money, baby. Of what? Scoville units, the heat units. That's how they measure heat. And that's of what, the hot sauce? Okay, so just for like Chalula, regular table top chelula.

A thousand to two thousand. The one you have is 7.1 million. Yeah. That's absurdist. I know. You got to try it. No, it's going to fry your tongue. So one time me and Jordan Peel went to that.

hot sauce plays and we got the source and we took a fucking toothpick and your tongue and we dipped a toothpick and we stuck on our tongue and it was the most painful thing. It was like alien blood from the movie alien you can heal the sizzle

you know what I mean it is so hot. This guy's a card that says he survived the hot yeah it's a hot sauce oh he just tried it once yeah you get a card you get a card I don't have the card we've got to get you a card too then I'll go get a card with you. Would you try it? Yeah, it's just going to be

fucking an annoying. It's so painful. It's going to ruin a part of your day. Yeah. We learned a lot. We learned that you're going to be you're going to be getting a six pack. At the very least, get a two pack. Get a two pack shirkur but from doing setups. I think you can. I think

you really can. If you're really doing 150 a day yeah. No, just at the morning. In the morning. He said more. What are you doing in the afternoon? I tried to do a thousand. Can you videotape it? No. Because I want proof.

Well, I mean, hopefully it'll show on my body. I don't think it will. You don't think it will? I don't think sit-ups that many times. I think you count one and then you lay there for 10 minutes and you think, oh, I did 200. You think I'm just some sort of Asian math? Yes. You guys are tricky.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I can't wait to see it. I want to see the results. Maybe you won't. Maybe I won't. Yeah, maybe you won't. Because you're just kind of. Because it's condescending and it's negative.

They're not doing a thousand fucking sit up. It's disruptive. It's disruptive. It's not encouraging. You know what I mean? I'm discouraging? You're discouraging. No, I said I want you to prove that you're doing it.

Draconian. Yeah, yeah. It's traconian. Is it? Yeah, yeah. Harsh. It's harsh jerconian. Yeah.

Yeah. Another word I learned through the TikTok. I was just going to say this is a war, the war. There's a war thing. Thank you for being a bad friend. It's a war thing.