Bad Friends - Chilly Chill and Mr. Hollywood
Episode Date: August 16, 2021New Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com Thank you to our Sponsors: https://betterhelp.com/badfriends & https://hellotushy.com/badfriends & https://hellofresh.com/badfriends14 code: BADFRIENDS14 & https...://www.coinbase.com/badfriends YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriends YouTubeAudio Subscribe: https://apple.co/31Jsvr2 Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com 0:00 Fancy is a clout thief 3:30 Eli Roth's shoe shine boy 7:15 People that Bobby Texts 9:08 George and Fancy's instagram war continues 19:07 Alligators and Crocodiles 26:52 Bobby is on Sex and the City 31:21 Bobby's Kim Cattrall Story and Andrew's Experience on the Set of The Office 43:59 Bobby as Chilly Chill in Kickin' it Old School 45:55 Bobby's Josh Groban story 52:53 Rudy and One Direction 57:30 Being scared of spoons and other phobias 01:02:43 Death by boiling water 01:11:27 Â Where are the ugly kids? 01:19:28 On the "chocking glock:" Who is more Hollywood? 01:22:31 On the phone with Erik Griffin 01:26:50 On the phone with with Whitney Cummings 01:28:55 Bobby's 50th birthday submission videos More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Andres Rosende & Pete Forthun Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
What's going on here? I can read things man. What's going on here?
Well what's happening is
We're not gonna put this out. Is Andres abandoned us so everybody needs to go to George underscore Kimmel and follow me on Instagram
Because Andres, he's a he's a clout thief
Everybody knows he's a clout thief. That's my clout that he's taking. I've slaved away for six years to build out that clout
I've slaved away for you for over nine years, but you know and Andres just made you, bro
I've made you, bro. Um, I slaved away to help like I know we helped each other, but I'm just saying without me
There is no you
Without me, there's a 75% you have you
Oh
You think you think you think 25% of you is because of him online you online you not that not anything else
Yeah
I found those fans
I told people not to follow him. Is this his defense right now? Yeah, this is defense. Well, what do you want to do?
You want to tell the fans to not follow him still?
Well, I told I told the fans that we want to bring his fucking followers to a thousand
I went up to like 17 18
What is what's fancy at?
He's a twice twenty seven now. I think that
He does not deserve any of those
2000 he didn't even know what Instagram was when Instagram he's gonna go
Exponentially when Instagram came out Andres thought it was a filter app. You never know other people never gonna see the photos
You're never gonna. He did not even know people could see the photos and now he has more followers than me
I have to take a shot. How does that? How does that happen when you talk? I shit?
You two are bad friends. What's that for my Tito Tito tour shirts guys this
You just blow it up, huh?
The I'm the t-shirts. I'm selling on sale and I'm just selling my image on the road, but you're doing projects with other people
You're I'm not doing projects anybody else Hollywood stuff and you're leaving me in the dust, huh?
You went to you're going to Hawaii again. You went to New York again. You keep going ever your jet-setting. I'm staying in LA
Begging for work. Please. Please. No, no, no, you're bro. Please currently on a show as a regular the show
It's over, but are you not a regular on a show? Yeah, but who knows if it is a regular on no show dog
Who knows if it ever comes back? I do two lines here. Oh, mr. Mr.
You want me to carry the loan?
First of all, you're doing to turn the light off. Is that what you do in Magnum PI? Yeah, is that your role?
Thanks a lot Wang here's the keys. I like hold on to the car and go
We like that. What's the name of your character on the show Ching chongs. Is it Ching chongs plural?
Oh, oh, two Ching chongs. There's multiple of you. Yeah, I'm like five Ching chongs and one
It's like the Olsen twins. They had to get to yeah, so one of you gets tired
Yeah, the shit that I do when I wasn't hungry. I
When you're in when you were in Hungary shooting a massive Kevin Hart movie bro grow up. I wasn't in the movie. I lied I
Was Eli Roth's shoe shine boy. Were you shine him up boy?
Like as he needs to wear every between every set up when he's setting up the camera needs new shoes
He we recycle shoes and I'm scrubbing and he says do the accent. I saw them you roll
right
Rock or all right. Do you really do that for you? Yeah, man? You think I'm blowing up dude
You're blowing up nothing going on when I was in New York. Yeah, what were you doing in New York Bob?
I'll tell you what I was doing. Yeah, let me know streets cleanings street cleaning
Yeah, with a machine or by yourself by myself just with your hands is broke all the street cleaners
Yeah, and they go use your face
But I have do the accent what I have right you have to do an accent and then I they go um I have to
Right use your fucking gook face. Oh my god. They say that right so I'm like
I'm like a rickshaw. Oh, you Rick. Yeah
Why did they say use your face is it because it's
Exactly cuz it's
So what I'm saying to you is that all these things that I've been doing yeah are all lies
So you've been lying to me about all the work you apologize
It's came it's so weird it came out this way cuz it feels like you're doing Hollywood stuff
I'm not doing Hollywood stuff. I'm not doing anything my shit
But the TV show is in its last and final week, but you got another thing with another guy
I do limit. I'm developing a thing with another man a pretty big guy. We asked him this to mm-hmm
Ask that guy. Yeah, if he has a problem with me
I'll take them because I'll yeah text them right now. Honestly. Well, he's not gonna text back right now
Yeah, Bobby thinks that you have a problem with them. Why do you why do you have an issue because when he was a young kid?
Mm-hmm. This is 15 years ago. Wait, you know him from that old that many years. I know when he started
Yeah, he used to have these the best parties of all time
How like house parties what the house parties you mean? Yeah. Yeah, I'm done and what I said it
All right, so people by the way
I was on his phone only when he asked me so um you said these and
And then we like every year or two twice a year I would go to his parties and I would do I'm the dancer
Well, yeah at every party. I'm the dancer. Yeah, you know, I just get into you said a stroke
But I get my shoulders into it. Oh, you're that kind of guy. Yeah
You know in the music goes right and everyone there's always a C that was a crowd no they part
Oh for you. Yeah, like a Moses. Oh, wow, right and think Moses
Moes, right and they move us up moves. They don't do the accent with that. I don't know why they do the part and I do
That, you know, I like back it when they did solid gold
Yeah, yeah, of course. Yeah
Doing it right and I do that and I go down the fucking with the sea of people do it again
I turn around pop pop do it again. Make it. Why are you pinching your tits?
What does that have to do with it? Why are you pinching when you dance?
Oh, you have big fake tits when you dance? Yeah, because I think I'm a woman. Oh, yeah
And then so he used to have these parties and and then when he blew up
It was just a I got nothing from him like he never texted you or called you again. Yeah
That's just because people get busy. I know I do think so. Well, also, how okay other than me for real
Who else do you actually text other than me? Who do you really text with the Kaleila doesn't count?
She doesn't count George doesn't count Eric Griffin sometimes. Okay. Well, let's look at my text
No, yeah, let's find out who else your phones up there by your by your squeezer. So let's go. Who else do you text in real life?
all right, so um
Let's look at my phone now. How about this when was last time you sent a genuine what's going on like? Hey, what's up text?
So this is juliana. Oh, that's her doesn't count, but I go. Let's go doesn't count
um
So my mom doesn't count why it's not it's not like a friend this like family or work people my friend gene my friend janina
Yeah, who are those people? Janina was the actress. I was in Hungary with I shined her shoes, too. You shined her shoes
Yeah, yeah, who's gene?
Gene is uh
A producer on mat magnum pi. Okay, who's with my friend. Oh, right?
um
Ari Shafir, what did you say to him?
He's just like let's have lunch next time never gonna happen
But why because you're you don't like Jewish people you've said that before on this show
I I like I like Jewish people when they look a certain way
If they look like Liam Neeson, I'm in but Ari Shafir. Yeah, you don't like him when they look um when they look like Ari
No, Ari looks like if you drew
A cartoon of a Jewish person
Like everything's exaggerated and long. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No text back. I know sorry. Yeah, sorry
I know I told you that's okay. I don't care. It's okay
But um, so yeah, I texted people wasn't quite oh, yeah, so so you don't text but you never really send out a hey
What's up? How are you text you don't do that? You never do
And you complain when I text you
unless
Well, unless what unless it's like you gonna you're gonna get something out of it
Then you don't say anything
Let me get something out of it. You know exactly. Yeah, you said on the episode last week you were a weasel or a rat
Or a what what did you say? Yeah, yeah, sure. I like you barbie. Oh god. Yeah. Yeah, so we don't have some friends
All right, anyway, let's get back to the matter at hand
Which is what we are excited to announce
George has been shut down on instagram. He's plummeting to the bottom of the gramola. Look at this
18,000 followers boob. He was above 20. weren't you above 20 george? dude?
I know bus but boys with more followers 100 we do what is it what what how many were you at?
I was at 21 and now it's down to 18. Um, but I
I mostly met it on trace for being such a clout thief, but a little bit mad at bobby. Do you think he's a clout bobby?
Wait, wait, you're mad at me about what?
That'll give you a job dog. Oh
This is purely about instagram bobby. Yeah, it's nothing. I'm slave for those followers
Yeah, but you know what? It means a lot to him and you know it does. I know it does
He put his baby up. Look at that stupid picture with his baby and and and a tiger belly shirt
Can I also tell you another thing that he does that's I know for a fact salt mines of clout?
I'm in the salt. All right. You're done talking now producer
This is what he does and it's so gross give it
So if we have a local shows like if I'm playing the bray improv or or fine
Or like even if like annie letterman's doing bray or like whatever if there's an event
Let me stand up event. Let me guess you go ahead. It's so gross go ahead
He asks for does he ask for tickets for other people that you've never met before? No, it's worse. What?
He goes and hangs out in the lobby
to fish
for recognition
George
Eww
It's despicable! Ewww
George that's yucky
Literally, I'm not kidding. I've seen it do. George you wait in the hallway to try to see if fans are gonna recognize you
And they do right and then he that feeling that feeds his ego
It feeds his ego and he's addicted to it and he like does selfies and whatnot, right? George. Do you do this?
Well, I get stuck in the lobby when people see me you get stuck in the lobby
You come into the back of the green room with us. You're even there. There's no purpose. We're not filming it
We're not recording it. I just wanted to go and then like so many people came up to me to see me
That I got stuck. Yeah, George. You're allowed to be in the green room with us and you know
You can go to the back. He doesn't do that. You go to the lobby on purpose. Yeah, don't you know what he does too?
He'll like be in the showroom
And fake take photos or like fake work. Oh, right, right so that people look at him
Right, so he'll get on his knees and like do a shot
Line up a shot. Do you do this George? And then people go. Hey, bro
You know, they're always in hispanics at the shows. Oh, hey, what's up?
Hey, and he feeds on it and he loves it like warms his soul
It's it's sad. It is George. Why is it?
What do you need in the world that you have got a beautiful wife a wonderful baby?
Why do you need this attention attraction from the pod fans?
No, I'm just I'm just envisioning what it would be like to shoot something there
So sometimes I get lost in my all right. You're gonna go back and you're gonna shoot a sketch at the comedy club George
Can I ask you a real serious question?
And let's be real for once. I know in podcasts we fuck around in this and that yeah, and that's all for show
I want to ask you a real legitimate question and we'll edit it out if you know, I mean it's too real. I know we're not
Yeah, but be honest for once in your life and in your life depends on it
Does it feel good
To get recognized people from people
Oh, yeah, I was recognized just at the Panda Express the other day
Uh, the guy even waited outside the Panda Express to take a photo with me. You swear to god. Yes
What did the guy say to you at the Panda Express? Uh, he said he's been a fan uh since uh
Shoot since bow since when bobby was on jk news
Wow, and he's followed the all the all of the podcasts, but did he say he was a fan of yours?
He took a photo with me
Yeah, because he can't get to the real thing. It's one degree of separation. All right. All right
It's like when people take, you know, if you go to so he's gonna photoshop your head on George's body
Right. Look, I met Bobby
Bobby Kimmel at the or when people go to like Buckingham Palace
They want to take a photo with the queen, but they can't but they can't so they take a photo with the soldier with the
You know, I mean, that's what you are George the guy with the you're the black
Puffy, yeah
By the way, the next time you take photos you're gonna have to be our soldier guard
You cannot smile and you cannot you cannot make any motion just like the soldiers do
You're allowed to smile or talk. You just stand there stoically fine. Uh, but do I get to be in the photos?
Yeah, but you have to stand there stoically. Absolutely. That'll be the new thing. I want to see fan photos with George
Stoically standing up. So this dude, you know, it's like and it's because in reality, you know
He would never get this kind of attention
Otherwise, I'm gonna say something very
Mean mean go for it
No, I can tell you why I don't want to let's let it out
I I want to see it, but I feel like it's gonna turn into a cancer
Let's let it out
Let's let it out. Yeah, if you let it sit it gets worse the kind of attention
That he's getting
Would never be based on his skill set
We yikes, did you feel that George?
No, because it's not real. Yeah. Oh, he says no, it's not real
Right. So you think that if you weren't the producer of tiger belly or bad friends or any of these podcasts and stuff
That you would be able to gain notoriety on your own skill set
I'd be producing something else that was also great. Oh, interesting. You know, and that's why I like it
That's interesting. Hey, could I say something George confidence? I was being mean, right? And jokingly mean
But by you saying that right now, I believe you do you believe them? I don't
I don't either
I don't I don't I was just trying to push the guy up working at CVS CVS. I I get it
And when I say we're gonna CVS not one of the good jobs
I know what job he would have night crew with the carpet cleaner. No, even worse. Even worse. He's the guy
You know how sometimes you go to like the the toothbrush section or you go to the aspirin section at the button
Not the button, but you have to have the guy open up something. Right. Yeah, right. The real game
So he's the guy with the key. Yeah, and it opens up. Here's your girl game. He's keyboard. He's key boy
Key boy, you'll be the key boy at CVS. Your new name is key boy. By the way, key kid. Yeah, although the CVS
I have to say George. You are very skilled and talented. We like you. You're gonna do perfectly fine in this career when we fire you in a week
We should just fire him just to see how we fire we how he lands. Yeah, what do you think about George rude rude?
I'll be honest. I really I like George
But you don't like Pete or Andres
George
I'll give you the order from number one two and three. Okay
Who and you can't be even you know, it's not even
So let's go third third places last places the one that you like the least and this is not because no
I like him, but they just not as much as the
All right, so let's go number three. So who's three who's three?
Come on
Who's two?
George George be honest
What is it though, it's because he panders and does it whatever you say and he doesn't ever create any conflict
No, I think I have known him him longer. She has loyalty about how long she's known. Yeah, but George is just a white piece of shit
Don't you like Andres? He's a foreigner. He like you. He's a foreigner. Just like you. He's an immigrant like you
I was gonna say equal
No, you didn't study you went for George you you went for a white and look at him by the way
That's like Hitler's wet dream this blonde blue-eyed
I mean, this is the cause of all the issues in America is a guy like George a white
Privileged upper middle class never picked up anything heavy in his life
This is the problem of the United States Rudy and you like this guy
I'm gonna say something if hitler
Was let's say, you know those
Hacky he would have loved George. You know those hacks pretty great guy George. No, I like I like so many things about you
He would love George
No, you know those hacky scenes that they have where you know
It's always about a nerd and in school where they're picking a baseball team
Of course and they pick the last the nerd something that's the guy 100% I think hitler would pick him last you too
Yeah, so like there's let's say there's a hundred people right? Yeah, and uh, he was choosing like a kickball team
They don't like that. How about this? He needs a hundred people, right? And there's a hundred and one people guys
You know me on the field right rise to choose and it'll go down to right George
And some guy scoliosis some scoliosis guy
You mean you could barely stand up, right? Yeah, and he spends 20 minutes on it
He's like listen both of you offer kind of the same thing
High level of unathletic ability that I just can't decide which of you is the worst
I guess I'll go with scoliosis boy. Oh, he's like and in school. He was like thanks hitler
No, no, why didn't school this guy? He dies right on the walk
Oh, and then he's like, okay. Yeah. No. No hitler's like I guess 99 is good for me
I don't need to hunt for it. Yeah. Yeah, it's funny. George. You know what you love you, George
We love you to death inside and out and and you know what should we reverse this following because the fans are
No, we know we gotta get him down to a thousand through we gotta follow so guys
Let's get George down to a thousand. Please unfollow him rapidly rapidly
In fact, in fact, you know what what if you've liked any of his photos go ahead and unlike his photo, please
Okay, go ahead and click the heart and unlike it. I'm gonna try something mean turn it black. I'll try something mean
Yeah, this is George
Yeah, we'll get we'll get you followers right now, but what are you gonna do for us? Oh my god
What do you mean, Bobby?
I'm here now. So fancy is not. Oh
Oh, you're trying to say that that's true and you know what?
He has the ability to fire fancy beyond our behind our backs. He could he really could
Yeah, because he's stomped in here with a little bit of confidence George
Can you show your camera down there that you're wearing a snakeskin cowboy boots? Do you see this?
He's wearing snakeskin cowboy boots today. Oh, yeah
Is it real snakeskin? It is. Are you sure? Is it real snakeskin? George? It's alligator skin. Yeah
Alligator skin. What country made the shoe?
I think they made Mexico
The Philippines, I think so. Are there alligators in the Philippines Jules? Gotta be. Yeah. What do you mean?
They eat people all the time. Where? I see them in the zoo
You're gonna go to college
George, yeah
Get into google. Okay. I want you to I want you to google how many people are killed by
Alligators in the Philippines a year. I bet you it's gonna surprise you
Can I make a guess? Yeah, let's both guess
Two
A year seven a year seven two two seven. How many people killed by alligators a year?
Oh, just crocodiles count as well. Yes. Okay
Ten ten two seven ten. I'm telling you. At the zoo some zookeeper. No, dude. This is in the wild. There's alligators there. Let's see. Let's see
Crocodile attack
Look at that brazen crocodile preys on a Philippine town
Yeah, but that that doesn't necessarily mean anyone died. We'll go. Oh, well, that was it. It's not even it's not even google at all
Crocodile crocodile des in Philippines. There it is. He's got it down
Well
well
Oh, Philippine boy eating my crocodile in latest attack
He's won. I guess it doesn't happen that often
12 year old girl survives a crocodile attack in the Philippines. She's alive
Uh, that's two in 2019 then. Okay, two in 2019. Crocodile kills high school student in Palawan. Is Palawan in the Philippines?
Yeah, okay. There's three 2019 2019. So now say me that's a different year different year. No, these are all 2019
No, they're not. Yes, George. Are they all 2019? Oh, yeah, all three of those were 2019. Look at that crocodile eats 10 year old boy alive in front of his siblings
2019 that's four so far
Oh, shit. Go to page two. This is good. This is good. So you're already out, but Jules and I are still in. Yeah, I'm out
Go to page two baby boy crocodile died in the Philippines huge saltwater croc ladies. What it kills fishermen in latest attack
What year 2019? That's four or five. That's five
Uh boy eaten by saltwater crocodile in latest Philippines attack
Six it's the same kid that you're fucking reading over. No
Every article is different, but they're all the same
Guy
I think there's only two so far. No, that's not true. These are the same kid
George, are you taking note of this of how many people are dying by the by the hands of crocodiles? I lost count because it was so many
All right, let's call it seven and I won very good
Yeah
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Yeah, I mean collider use it. We really think that it's just amazing and it's changed our lives
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They rip, you know, they first of all, you know what they do, right? Yeah, they they or those are alligators or crocodiles
That spin you they both do it. So they spin you. Yeah, and then they rip your limbs off your body when that happens
Give up. No, you spin with them. Oh, you just like you're dancing. Yeah. Yeah
Like what the problem is is you go the opposite direction
Right. So like if there's if he's going clock counterclockwise, then you go clockwise
No, you go. No, you don't go clockwise because you get ripped you go with them. Oh, you go. Okay, and you go
You know what I mean?
Eventually about 23 spins. He gives up. He gives up. Yeah, that makes sense. Right
And then what I'll do is I'll attach myself and go the other way sometimes
What if he just stops at some point? He's like, I just want to have sex and you're like fine. Just add
Yeah, just get consent crocodile. And then he's like, where's your pussy? You can I'm a guy
Oh, okay. Fine. Fine. Who cares at this point?
Yeah, they they roll you around and they rip your limbs off when you see at the zoo
A little kid fall into the cage. Love it
I
Love it
I root for the animal. Of course
I root for the animal every time every time and I want the mom to jump in there too two for one. Yeah
Yeah, and then when they shoot the animal
I always go
I always yell cheating
You know what I mean? Wait. Do the video. This is so mean do do raccoon in
Um orangutan cage. Did you see this video over the on the internet this week? No
Oh, wait, wait, there's a raccoon that orangutan wins dude. It's like seven of them and they do it's mean
But it's hilarious. They grab by the tail and they whip it around
It's so fun. I would feel so bad. It's so no that's not the one it's very it's got it's brand new
But he gets in there this poor raccoon. Yeah. Yeah, and you know like orangutans
They're strong so strong dude
They grab by the tail and they're all like watching like oh, oh, they're all like laughing and kind of and the guy
He swings it in the air. I swear to god like a lasso. Yeah, he's like lasso's are running and throws it
It's so awful with the raccoon. What are you doing in the cage? And when he goes? Oh, he's really saying
Arangutans you're not gonna find it. Maybe you're not gonna find it. I was on the youtube. You don't know how to do it
It's fine
Um, how was new york? Didn't you just get back?
I went to new york and I shot um
I'm on sex in the city. It's great. Yeah, that's great
And my you know what I'm playing?
Um, some not definitely not someone she has sex with
I just a guess it's just a guess
Why do you say that? Do you have sex with someone on the show?
No, it's a good guess. I've never had sex with anyone on a show neither
If I've never been in right in love no, no, I when I was on spilling up together
They've tried to write a love scene for you, right? Well, they did they had to see with me and Lindsay, right on the bed
And she said right and I got too close to her in the bed where we was having a conversation
And the director goes cut bobby a little bit more separation
It's like, okay, and I went to the other side of the you know, she called him to her trailer before she's like about this love
Do you think we could what if it's just like a buddy scene like with friends
But but in sex in the city, you don't have sex with anybody, do you?
I mean, it's a good guess. Yeah, dude, they're not gonna hire someone who looks like you or looks like or looks like me
Or looks like me. I'm including myself. Yeah to be the hot guy that comes to have sex with someone in sex
See, that's not who we are. We don't get higher. We're asexual. Yeah, fine. We're not asexual. We're sexual beings
Well, maybe we can be gay characters
Yeah, we're definitely not gonna be the guy that comes in the cameo the hot guy cameo
You can't compete with those guys, but you know who I love those guys are I did a scene with I did a commercial with Jane Lynch
Yeah, where we make out
Yeah, and she went for it
Yeah, because yeah, she has no attraction to men. She doesn't you know, is that what it is?
Well, she's gay. She is
Bobby
I didn't know so I thought she was like, oh, she's into me. No. Oh good god. No, maybe she thought I was a woman
You do look a little feminine sometimes like a butchy little dwarf if you pulled your hair back in war dress
You could be a cute Korean girl
I look cute as a girl. You do actually I've seen some photos you do so on on no, but what did you do? I play um
I play a podcaster
Oh, right. Yeah, you said that that's right. Yeah. Oh, there you go with Jane Lynch. Yeah. Yeah, no attraction
She's not into that at all. Oh, she's not look at this do do list of list of list of um
List of sexy guys on sex this year. What would that be list of uh
Hot guys on sex in the city. I mean you look at the lineup that you would have to go up against. It's insane, dude
It's insane. Just do images and let's see what comes up. Oh, there you go. Sex and see these 15 hottest guys
Okay, you can't make this list, but I'm gonna you think one day you can make this list
I have 15 probably there's no pictures
Go back to images. Maybe let's go to images
I mean look at some of these guys. Okay, you can't compete with these bros
Well, those are bad. It's a bad. That's a bad combination. He looks sick
Yeah, he doesn't look he doesn't look great. He looks hot cute
You can't compete with these guys bud. Yeah, this guy. Look at that guy. I don't even know who that is. Yeah
That's Smith Jared
Oh, look at the fucking are you a second the city president of smith jerry's fan club over here love sex in the city
You do love sex in the city. You know pizza big fan. Do you really Pete? I really do. Oh, wow, which character are you?
who uh
Pete
You know all the girls that watch it they name themself after one of the characters. Oh, they do. I'm probably uh an aid in
I'm not I'm not a I'm not a girl. So I'm going I'm an aid in
Pete the joke is everyone that watches the show identifies with one of the female characters on the show just because
But I'm not I'm not a girl
Pete
Oh god, I see why he put him at three
Now I see why she put you at three
I mean the the unwillingness to just go along with the fucking bit. I'm sarah
All right, bring up the girls because I want to see which is which because I'm not I'm not smart
Oh, you think you're sarah jessica parker
I'm or i'm uh, carry bratcho. That's sarah jessica parker, right? Yes. So this guy thinks he went from being an ancillary character being the star of the
fucking show
How delusional must you be?
Pete bring up the sex in city girls and we'll see who each of us are in this room
Do you know the sex in the city of the show? Yeah, which one are you? I don't know the names, but
There they are there. They are I'm I can obviously only be Miranda. I'm Miranda for sure. This is charlotte charlotte
carry and samantha. Samantha. Samantha's not on the show anymore. What happened?
I don't know you do it seems like you know and you don't want to tell me because your face looks like you know
Well, I
Because I told you the story what happened between her and I
No, I never told you that story. I don't think so. What's the actress's name?
Um, her name is um, I'm just not good with this stuff. And I know I don't let me get it
What's her name? Pete?
I don't know. Oh, you love the show. I just know the character. I know the names at the top of my head. Her name is um
Oh, rudy knows. What's her name?
Barbara
Barbara palvin Barbara palvin. That's Barbara palvin. Yeah. Yeah. No, what's her name because I have a story about her
What is Barbara palvin's real name?
By the way, I want to tell you something. Yeah, he's gonna look it up the other day
I was wearing my bad friend's greatest rock and roll band of all time shirt
And a dude goes I love that shirt. I was like, oh, thanks. And I'm thinking he's a fan of the show
I go. Thanks a lot, man. And he goes
Who wait who what's wait what band and I was like, oh, he's not a fan
And I was like, it's a bad friend the bad friend's band and he's like, oh sick. We're
I thought it was another I thought it was something else. I go. Yeah, and he's looking at it
And then he sees the the names and he goes
Blythe Mulave
Who's that and I was like, oh, it's George Trinidad. They're all the members of the band and he's like
Oh, that's that's cool
So this guy's gonna be googling Peter Blythe Blythe Mulave George Trinidad
Trying to find out who the band is
But I realized I forgot the names are at the bottom that you made up because at first I'm like
He can just tell this is not a real band. Yeah. Yeah, and then he's looking deep into it. Is that a bad friend's shirt?
It's a whiskey ginger shirt. Oh, that's a really cool shirt. Thanks. You can have it. Do you have a medium?
Yeah, I'll take this off and give it to you. I don't know. I'm gonna buy that one. What do you mean?
I'm clean. I just shower skin. I can't do skin to skin. Are you out of your mind?
I won't just get my skin. I just got out of the shower
I will not do your skin to my skin. Why because I'm white
No, you're such a racist dude. It's not that it's if it was a Korean guy, would you do it?
You have a dry flaky body. You and you have a you have a shitty gross body too. I'm moist
All right, go ahead Kim Cattrell. Give me your Kim Cattrell story
I met here. This is how I met Eric Stone Street. I auditioned for a commercial. It was a um
Pepsi commercial for the Super Bowl or something
And it and Michael Bay directed it
So it went down to two people
And they and Kim Cattrell was in the bathtub
And they were looking for one towel boy
Right, so we were downtown. I didn't know who Eric Stone Street was and we're sitting in the lobby
And we're just sitting next to each other
And they put Eric in first
And the key was crushing
So I go I should just go home
Just you were that discouraged because you could hear the laughs. I hate when you can fucking hear the laughs
Hey, I could I couldn't do it. But then I went in there and it okay. I did good
Then they go all right leave but wait in the lobby. We're gonna bring the other guy back
They bring the other guy back to give him another shot. Yeah, then they bring me back in
Ask Eric and then they put us both in at the same time. No. Yeah, and they guys do it together
See what happens and they were laughing because him and I were just kind of
So we both got it
So I should I'd never been really on a shoot before so I didn't know what a mark was or anything like that
So there was this scene where Kim Kutra was in the bathtub
And there was a mark and there was like one light shining toward the entrance entrance when I was walking into this thing
And I had 15 towels that was stacked
So the joke is I'm like as a towel boy coming in with these towels, right?
And I walk in and I hear cut
The light
The light
To from Michael Bay
Holy shit, and I go what light
I don't know what that means. You're blocking the light. I know, but I didn't know what it meant. I know, right?
So he goes see the light and I go. Yeah, he goes you you had to feel that light on your face
Or we can't see you
So I go, okay
I close the door. I have this fucking towels too and I'm like trying to go. Maybe if I go like that, you know
I mean, I just couldn't get the towel in and you know, right? So I go in
He's even intense on Pepsi commercials. Yeah. The light the light. I did it probably eight times. Did you ever
Did you get it right? Never never. So now what happens
is he's now
Right here
And he grabs my face
I'm not kidding you
He goes like this here
He turns you into the light. Yeah
Here, meanwhile, Kim could chose freezing.
In the tub.
In the tub.
She's like, you're freezing, right?
And the whole shoot was like that.
Oh, what a miserable, so she hates you.
She hated me.
Yeah, because you're the guy that kept fucking it up.
Right, and then Eric would nail everything.
Yeah, right, he seems very professional.
He knows everything.
Yeah, and he's super fucking funny.
I mean, he's like improvising.
He's like twirling, you know what I mean?
The whole crew, me, they're like.
The light!
And I cut, why is your back turned to the camera?
Yeah, and I'm like.
Over your shoulder.
And I go, where's the camera?
Right there!
Right, you know what I mean?
That's what you did, but that's what happens.
So this is what happens.
So now me and Eric are talking,
and I'm like in complete shame.
Yeah, right.
Rightfully so.
I know.
You fucked up.
I know, and then Eric's, oh, don't worry about it, buddy.
He's a nice guy, right?
Mm-hmm.
And Kim Coutureau walks up to us,
and she looks at Eric in the eyes,
and she goes, honestly, you're gonna be a very big star.
To Eric?
Yeah.
Wow, and you're right next to her.
Literally next to each other.
And she looks at me, and she goes,
and she just walked away.
Fuck you!
She really just kept walking?
What a sweet, now I love this girl.
Yeah.
So what is her name on the show?
Kim Coutureau, I don't know her real name.
Samantha.
I'm a Samantha.
Yeah.
That's me.
And so it was my bad.
100%.
I know, I was green.
I didn't know, I shouldn't have been there.
No, you definitely should have been there.
But that's what happens, you get your lumps.
You do dumb shit.
You learn, you learn.
When I did my episode of The Office,
they were done.
Like, they were so tired of doing,
you can tell they were all kind of like,
Krasinski was directing, he was very nice,
and Josh Groban, Josh Groban, Josh Groban.
Love him.
Josh Groban.
Yeah.
The singer, Josh Groban.
Josh Groban.
I have a story about him.
I have a story about him.
He's in the episode.
Oh, really?
And he's kind of like improv-ing in the boat a little bit.
Mm-hmm.
And I say to John, I was like,
hey, do you want me to like, you know,
whatever the improv was, I don't even know.
And he goes, yeah, that's fine.
And I was like, oh, I mean, do you,
and he goes, hey man, whatever you want to do,
I don't care.
I was like, oh, all right.
So then I'm thinking, in my mind,
I'm thinking he trusts my fucking instincts,
but really, he doesn't give a shit.
Yeah.
Dude, we have other shit to do today.
Ah.
It's the 10th fucking season.
Ah.
We're done.
We're gonna go home.
Ah.
Wrap it up.
Right.
So then I do the scene where I'm smacking Ed Helms
on the hand.
Yeah.
On the boat.
And it was, it was my first act, it was my first gig.
I did, he goes, because then he's like,
hey man, make similar to this.
That's why I'm saying, I mean, we've been,
we've all been here.
Yeah.
He goes, hey man, use your left hand,
because your right hand is gonna block that lens
on the other side.
Right.
And I go, you got it.
Not hard at all.
Yeah.
What do I do?
What?
I use the wrong hand.
He goes, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Dude, he goes, also, when you go to smack him,
make it look like you're gonna smack him.
Like, act like you're gonna hit him.
You know, like, he's like, you're like tapping.
Like, go to hit him.
You know?
I go, okay.
And he goes, also, other hand, right?
So my mind, I'm like, but don't hit him too hard.
But I don't wanna really hit Ed Helms
on the hand that hard.
Yeah.
Okay.
Again, wrong hand.
Again, I'm blocking the lens.
Oh.
And then he said, this is how I know.
Hey, bud, hey, bud, hey, bud, wrong hand, remember that?
And then now I feel like a child.
Hey, bud, remember that?
Like a little boy.
Like a little tiny boy.
Hey, buddy.
That's like when you say to your kid at the playground,
hey, bud, don't eat the wood chips.
Leave it on the playground, right, bud?
Oh, my God.
So then I go, I go, oh, I'm sorry, I've got it.
Nobody on the crew at this point, you know,
sound guys are like, let's go, you fucking moron.
It's your left, you know, I can feel him being like,
left hand, dude, let's go.
It's not that hard.
And then of course, on the third take, same exact thing.
And I use the wrong hand and I miss his hand
and I hit the wheel.
Oh.
So I miss his hand comparison.
And then they sing.
Yeah.
And then he, and Ed goes, let's just go to the other piece.
And John goes, yeah, we'll go to the other piece.
Moving on.
Yeah, so I had to get it.
They had to use it from the first take
when I did the first time, because I fucked up.
And I felt like such, like dude, then the rest of the day.
Yeah.
I sat on the, I sat on the boat.
Yeah.
This is me in between takes, sitting on the boat.
Everyone got off the boat.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I sat on the boat by myself in the marina.
Yeah, it was so embarrassed.
It's so embarrassing.
Cause I didn't, when you're young,
you don't know any better.
Yeah.
And you don't want to, you don't want to upset people.
And when you've already made some mistakes,
you feel dumb, you really feel dumb.
And you're like, well, I'm not any good.
This is a fucking embarrassing.
And you, and then you start going,
well, this is going to get back to my agents.
And then they're going to be like,
you fucked up and you're dumb.
Yeah.
But then you learn as you get older,
nobody fucking cares.
Nobody cares.
Nobody cares.
Everyone's making mistakes.
Nobody gives a shit.
Nobody cares.
Nobody nice, nobody fucking cares.
But you think you're done.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You imagine all these things.
Well, that's it.
But it's also, when you're doing these things,
even if it's a big thing,
even if you don't know your lines or you fuck up,
cause I've seen the biggest people.
Me too.
Not know their line.
Yeah, fuck up.
What is it?
And then have to read it again.
And then get really crazy notes.
I mean, it's just the part of the process.
Totally.
Yeah.
I have Josh Groban's story.
What happened?
By the way, I never even got to,
I barely got to meet him.
He was like in and out.
So I did a break dancing movie called Kicking at Old School.
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Oh, I remember this.
Was Jamie Kennedy in this?
Wait, was it his movie?
So Jamie was in it?
Is he kicking it old school?
Yeah.
Jamie Kennedy?
I don't remember.
Was that Maria Munoz?
Look at the poster.
Yeah, it was a Jamie movie.
I'm in the middle there, look, zoom in.
Zoom in, zoom in.
Zoom in.
Oh, bye.
Yes, there it is.
Who are the other two?
Right.
Now, is that Ralphie Mae?
No.
Is that Ralphie Mae and JB Smooth?
Don't put me on the spot, I forget.
But don't put me on the spot.
And who's the girl?
Maria Munoz.
That's who I thought it said.
That's Maria Munoz.
So, okay, so there I am.
Chilly chill.
So when I was in Canada, right?
There he is.
I took like six months of dancing classes, right?
And six months?
Yeah, so the dance teachers, they go,
all right, everyone do it.
You guys were training.
And when I did it, they were like,
they pulled me aside and they said,
listen, Chilly chill, we got to,
we got to get you a body double.
Cause you're dancing was so bad.
So bad.
So I go, okay, right?
So I show up on set and they couldn't find a man
with my body.
So if you look at the movie.
It's a woman.
It's a woman.
It's a Korean woman.
It's a fat Korean woman.
That's amazing.
Right, so if you, if they cut away,
you know what I mean?
It's a woman, right?
Do you tube, Chilly chill dancing?
No, no, no, no, no.
Please, please, we have to see this.
I want to see you.
They're probably not going to be online, but.
Chilly chill.
I hope so.
Chilly chill dancing.
Oh, there you are, Chilly.
I don't know.
Do you dance here?
I don't remember.
I don't know, sorry.
No, sorry.
I'm sorry.
It means you're about a body.
I mean, it's weird.
All right.
Ancient Korean technique if do right, no can defend.
Aye.
By the way, they have to do that.
They have to do that.
Bing, bong, bong, bong.
He only does that when he's so fucking racist.
Guys, come on.
It's the first step on the road to becoming whatever
the hell we want.
White guy, Korean guy, black guy,
super overweight Mexican guy.
Yeah.
This is like NBC's dream.
Yeah.
What are you doing?
I want to see Chilly chill dance so bad.
You got to know when you call me.
No, I don't, man.
Come on, Chilly.
It's red, yeah, he's in red.
There's Chilly.
There he is.
What do you say, Chilly?
I don't know, man.
Chilly chill.
Popcorn.
The funniest thing is they assumed,
cause it's break dancing, right?
That of all these guys, they're like,
well, the Korean guy and the black guy got this down.
Cause they're like, the black guys got it.
And they look at the Korean guy and they're like,
come on, man, this is like, this has got to be.
I don't want to watch this right now.
Let's watch it.
It's so embarrassing.
I do want to see it.
Chilly chill.
Let's go back to the story.
Let's hear your Josh Groban story, Chilly chill.
But congratulations, by the way.
Chilly chill?
Yeah.
It's really tight.
Please don't call me Chilly chill, man.
What do you mean, Chilly?
What are you talking about?
You're my Chilly chill boy.
Oh my God, I'm blushing.
Anyway.
What's wrong with Chilly chill?
Anyway.
All right, Chilly, tell us your Josh Groban story.
Sabrina Munoz is the movie,
so she invites me to her Christmas party.
I'm not being rude.
I'm looking up the box office mojo for,
for kicking it old school.
I want to see how much money it made.
What do you think it made?
I don't know.
Let's take a guess.
Let's do our guess.
How much money do you think kicking it old school
made in them?
And this is not a slight, because Jamie Kennedy,
I'm not making fun of you or you or anybody.
He's a good dude.
Three million.
Huh?
Three million.
Three million.
Domestic worldwide, what are we talking?
Domestic.
Okay, domestic three million and international, how much?
12 million.
12 million.
All right, what do you say, rude?
Domestic one million.
International.
International five.
Well, all right.
What?
Domestic is 4.5 million, so four million.
International is fucking gonna blow your mind.
What?
Ready?
Yeah.
$189,000.
$100,000 overseas.
That's like eight people went to go see it.
Yeah, because when my dad was still alive.
Rest in peace.
He went to the eight o'clock showing with my mom,
opening weekend in Arizona.
My dad called me at eight o'clock and his,
I can, this rings in my head when I go to bed.
He goes, there's nobody here.
That's so mean.
I know, and he left.
There's nobody here.
They never played it.
Oh man.
They just left.
They got their money refunded and they left.
Did that hurt a little bit?
Bad.
There's nobody, because in my head I'm like,
because, this is so embarrassing.
Come on.
Because when I was shooting this movie,
this is, before this movie came out,
I was shooting...
Were you on Mad at the time?
Yeah, Pineapple Express.
Oh.
So when I went to Pineapple Express,
they were so busy one day that they didn't really have
a trailer for me and I complained.
I go, well, I mean, kick it at old school.
Oh, Bob.
They're like, listen, Chili Chill.
Yeah, they're at Chili Chill.
Just stay here for the day.
You're in Pineapple Express with like five huge names.
Huge.
And you're like...
James Franco, everyone, right?
You guys know I'm in...
I'm so embarrassed.
I don't know why we took this detour.
Well, let me hear Josh Groban.
This whole show should be called detour.
I know.
What happened with Josh Grobes?
I met Marie and Windows.
I don't know anybody.
I don't know what music is.
I don't know anything.
The only kind of music I like is Fugazi and punk
and whatever.
I love Fugazi.
So I was at...
I don't know who John May...
I know who John May...
I know John Mayer,
but I'm not really familiar with the music.
Sure.
Okay.
So I'm at a party.
No one will talk to me.
Everyone's there.
And I'm sitting there at like a bench.
And there's this guy there drinking strength.
He goes, hey, you're a Canadian, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's like, what's that like?
And I go...
Because at the time I was playing clubs,
but like sack punchline.
What's wrong with that?
But it feels 200 seats.
It's fine.
But I was bragging.
Oh, you thought you were hot shit?
Yeah.
I was going, yeah, like last Saturday I sold out
the Sacramento punchline, 200 seats.
That's pretty cool though.
Right.
And, but I kept bragging.
Yeah. And it's like tour money.
It's like, I'm pretty killing it.
You know, I do like 150, 200 people a show.
You know what I mean?
I have to comp half the room, but still cool.
And like...
Still cool.
Yeah, I'm killing it.
You know what I mean?
Chilly chill.
And I talked for like 20 minutes
without even letting him say a word.
Josh Groban.
Just stepping on his toes.
What's your name? He goes, I'm Josh Groban.
And I go, bye.
What?
Did you, that's it?
You just, that was it.
You were done.
Just walked away.
Cause you didn't realize.
And I think I in the car drove home.
Cause you were like, I don't know who that is.
I don't really care.
I knew who the name.
You just didn't know anything about him though.
Yeah, but I knew that he was a big star at the time.
Big star.
Like you spits doing stadiums and shit.
Yeah, but your 200 seats are cool to you.
I know.
That's cool to you.
But there's so many like moments in my past
where I wish I could take back like social moments
or situations.
No, cause those make you what you are.
I know, but it's like,
there's so many of them in my life.
Yeah.
I've still like, when I was in Hungary,
I was at a fucking burrito place.
It was a place called Chimichanka.
They have burritos in there.
Yeah, I know.
It's terrible.
And these two girls walk up to me and they go,
at all.
And I go, hey.
And this guy in back of me goes, not you, me.
Oh, Bob.
Right.
And they walk by and I'm still, oh.
You know what I mean?
I have those moments.
That's when you turn and engage and go,
no, you say hi to me.
I'm Bobby Lee.
No.
I'm chilly chill.
I blush and I start sweating.
And I go, why did you do that?
If there's just so many instances in my life.
Does that happen to you?
Do you get embarrassed like that, Ruth?
Yeah.
All the time?
Yeah.
Recently?
Recently?
No, no.
Who are you texting, by the way?
Diego?
Are you playing with tape?
That's how we keep her entertained.
Yeah, she doesn't.
Let me ask you, no, honestly.
What the fuck?
It is funny.
I'm listening.
But you are a fixture of the show.
You can add whenever you want.
Pull the mic towards your goddamn stage.
You know what, here's what we'll do to get her
to get into the episode.
Not episode, but like to get her, you know,
to become a better podcaster is to add her own information.
She doesn't know how to do that.
I know, but so what we'll do is every episode,
there has to be three incidences throughout the episode
where she has to just bring up a topic
or ask a question or something.
Yeah, and be involved.
Be involved.
It's like anything, it could be anything.
Hey, do you guys see the Olympic or whatever it might be?
Right?
But it's got to be something out of the blue
and it's got to be something that like...
Don't laugh.
A topic that you want to talk about.
This is real.
We might have to fire you.
Speaking of bands.
Yeah.
Josh Groban and such.
Rudy wants to show us that she knows her knowledge
about bands as well.
So we're gonna go through your favorite band,
One Direction, right, Rudy?
Yes.
All right, let's hear it.
Okay.
Hello, everyone.
Hi.
I'm gonna be presenting.
To just who you are.
Yeah, we don't know who the fuck you are.
We walk in this.
How about this, ladies and gentlemen,
to do her first TED Talk.
I mean, we have from Northridge University.
From the Philippines.
From the Philippines.
Yeah.
Juliana Cune, aka Rudy.
Then you come up on stage.
Hello.
Hello.
I'm gonna be presenting about One Direction,
my favorite boy band.
Great.
I hope you like it.
Your name?
I'm Juliana Cune.
Wow.
I do like that.
When she does that on stage,
imagine a thousand people are watching,
and she goes, I'm Juliana Cune, everyone's like, oh fuck.
I would go like this, I go, I love this.
This energy is real.
What is going on here?
All right, let's hear it.
Okay.
Okay, so the members of One Direction
is Harry Styles, Zayn Malik.
Okay.
Liam Payne, Niall Horan, and Louis Tomlinson.
Do you want me to show which is Harry Styles?
I know which one Harry Styles is.
I know which one Harry Styles is.
It's the bottom right.
Okay.
Who is Zayn Malik?
Bottom left.
Oh, who is Liam Payne?
Left.
No, no, top right.
Who is Niall Horan?
And the top left with the blonde hair.
Louis Tomlinson is in the middle.
That's right.
Okay.
Do you know that to be true?
Yeah.
Oh, that's right.
You're the right, sorry.
What kind of TED talk is this?
Are you going to ask her a question?
She asked me.
Okay.
I just responded.
I think you should do all this
without any of this on screen.
Yeah, take this off the screen.
I feel like you're reading.
Because you're cheating.
You're cheating, I feel like.
Go ahead.
But then there's no pictures of them.
There's a, we'll put up a photo.
How many albums have they sold?
They have sold, sold four.
Four.
Four albums.
Four or five, yeah.
You mean they've made four.
How many have they sold?
I don't know five.
Five.
They sold five albums.
Got it.
The biggest boy band in the world sold five.
I will tell you the names.
Yeah.
Of the albums?
Yeah.
Okay.
Okay.
Up all night.
Up all night.
My one of my favorites.
Four.
Four.
The number?
Yeah, four.
Oh, okay.
Four is one of their albums?
Yeah.
They were lazy that day.
Yeah.
No, because it was their fourth album.
I know, but what do we call it?
I don't know.
It's our fourth album.
Let's just say four.
Fuck it.
Fine.
Made in the AM.
Made in the morning.
In the morning?
AM is the morning, you know that, right?
I know.
What does it stand for?
I don't know.
Okay.
What does it stand for?
Anatomically motorized.
In the morning, the sun is anatomically motorized.
Did you know that, Tito Barber?
Yes.
Of course he did.
In the evening, the sun.
Prematurely motorized.
It's prematurely motorized.
It's been prematurely motorized.
Okay, let me finish.
Please wrap it up.
We wanna know what, I know, but it's like,
you're missing it on the, no, I don't say wrap it up.
Cause I don't even know if she knows anything
about the band.
I'm feeling like a little bit like that.
Let me finish.
All right.
Okay, so I'm a fan and so you also need to be fan
of the One Direction.
Why?
I wanna be.
Why?
Because I love them.
But what is it about them?
Where are they from?
They're from England.
How did they meet?
They're British.
How did they meet?
They were from X Factor.
And even though they didn't win, Simon Cowell made them
into a band.
What are their favorite foods?
Louis likes carrots.
That makes sense.
No, I'll give you like some facts about them.
Sure.
Okay.
Louis likes carrots and he likes girls who eats carrots.
Liam is scared of spoon.
Spoons.
Of the band spoon?
Oh no, spoons.
Oh.
Spoons.
Harry.
Why?
I don't know if something happened to him.
I gotta tell you, I get it.
The shape is weird.
It's a weird shape.
It's a weird, like what, you know.
Yeah, what is that?
It's just a tiny ladle.
Give me a big one.
I don't like little baby ladles.
Give me a fucking, give me a big ladle.
No one's scared of a spoon.
Are you serious?
That's a real phobia.
Google it right now, people are scared of spoons.
I bet you my life people are scared of spoons.
No, don't finish the fucking presentation.
Phobia, phobia of spoons.
Are people scared of spoons?
Let's find out.
I don't know what people are doing with their spoons.
I don't want to know, but Liam isn't the only one
with a spoon problem.
It turns out there actually is a name for his phobia.
Zoom in.
It's, say it out loud, Rudy.
Cool, telephobia.
Which Liam is well aware of to find an extreme
and often irrational fear of spoons.
Okay, you'll find that for any eating utensil.
Are people.
Fear of forks.
Fear of forks.
Are people scared of forks?
No, that's, no.
Yeah, right there, what is that?
Amryo-gophobia is the fear of silver things.
Silver things, especially silverware.
Oh, so that's, so it's a whole, all the silverware.
Yeah.
Argypophobia, argypophobia.
Argypophobia?
Like being poked by a fork.
That does scare me a little bit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because I get, when someone's eating aggressively
in a restaurant, I think they could just throw a fork at you.
I'm just saying there's a fear of everything.
There's a fear of people are fearful of guacamole.
People are fearful of like roosters.
What's yours?
What's your irrational fear?
I don't really have one.
You don't have any irrational fears?
Avocado anxiety, first world problem.
Yeah.
That's gotta be a white guy thing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I don't have any irrational fears.
You don't have any irrational fears?
Do you?
I'm scared, I'm not, I'm scared of,
I guess I just don't, drowning scares the shit out of me.
Oh yeah, yeah, I'm scared of being buried alive.
Right.
Yeah, but that's everybody.
No.
Really, imagine being buried alive, all right?
You, you're getting knocked out.
You wake up and you're now in a casket.
That's fun.
Eight feet underground.
Six, isn't it?
But mine's eight.
Oh, yours is two feet lower?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And the first thing you would do is, you can't see.
Well, you can.
How?
Well, your eyes would adjust at some point, right?
There's no light at all though,
you would never adjust your eyes.
Your eyes would never adjust, there's no light.
What about your cell phone in your pocket?
You don't have, you, you wake up in a casket.
Are you okay?
I'm fine.
You wake up in a casket, completely naked, with nothing.
Well, they don't bury you naked.
Does it do?
Do they?
Yeah.
No, you have clothes on when they bury you.
No, it depends on where you are.
El Salvador, no, probably.
Okay, El Salvador, naked.
All right, so now you, you wake up, right?
You're in a casket, you're completely naked, right?
There's no light.
So what would the be, the first thing is like, where am I?
So you would use the other senses,
which is your hands first.
You would feel, and you would feel the wooden box.
Ego, holy shit.
I think I'm in a casket.
I'm in a casket.
Right.
And then.
Is it a nice one?
No, it's not even, it's one of those makeshift ones.
It's not padded.
It's not padded.
It's just wood.
It's like bad wood.
What's bad wood?
You can get splinters.
Ow.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Where am I?
Ow, ow, what the fuck?
Right, that would hurt.
And then the oxygen is slowly running out
in that little thing.
And then you would probably go, hello.
Quietly?
Hello.
I think you would.
Hello.
Hello.
Anybody?
But I bet you because of all the dirt, it's so muffled.
That only you can hear it.
That you could realize, like, oh shit.
I'm buried alive.
I'm buried alive.
What do you do then?
You try to claw out.
Well, then you're going to let the dirt in.
It doesn't matter.
I mean, you would have to figure something out.
You would do what Umut Thurman did.
You know what I mean?
Umut Thurman did fucking kill Bill.
Hey, you know what I mean?
And you karate, you know what I mean?
Tight, tight, tight, tight.
You would do something, and then you're dead.
And then you're dead.
Yeah.
So would you rather just, would you rather, how about this?
Would you rather just die of being buried alive
and being in the casket?
Or would you rather try to get out and die that way?
If there was a, yeah, right there.
Right there.
But she had a light in this.
Right.
Right.
So it's like, because they're not
going to do a sink in pitch black.
So.
Kind of tough to shoot.
Tough, tough, hard to shoot.
But wait a minute, would you, would seriously, Rudy,
would you just let, just sit there until you,
until you die, or would you try to get out and die that way?
You're going to die either way.
I think I'll sleep and just wait until I die.
Yeah.
You guys are big sleepers.
That would be easy for you to just sleep.
Yeah, I think I would do go like, all right, you don't panic.
You're going to die anyway, right?
And just stay still.
Because who knows, maybe in eight hours.
Someone might get me.
You could last more than eight.
Oh, you think the air is just going to run out?
I think the air won't run out.
See, I'd rather just, I wouldn't want to break the box,
let the dirt in.
I'd rather just let the air run out.
Because you probably just, when you run out of oxygen,
you probably just get dizzy and go to bed.
OK, would you rather have that or this?
This is what my dad said.
They did, the Japanese did the Koreans during their occupation.
Yeah.
So what they would, they would go to a village.
And I guess they had these gigantic pots of boiling water.
Where they, how are they carrying around
boiling pots of water?
They just would, they would get a big pot of boiling water.
I don't know how.
Maybe that people just had them around in a village.
Just boiling pots of water all over the place.
Right.
Got it.
I'm just trying to understand the logistics of it.
Yeah, but also it's like, you're not from another culture,
you don't know.
Are there a lot of gigantic boiling pots of water
in the Philippines just hanging around?
No, I don't.
OK, so in Korea there are.
Fine, fine.
Fine.
So let's just suppose in your little pee brain,
right, your little pee brain that there
was a big pot of boiling water.
I feel like your dad is making this up.
OK, you know what?
My dad's dead and that's rude.
When did he die?
A couple years ago.
You know he did.
We did a song.
Seriously?
Daddy, while you die, you remember the song.
That was for your dad?
Yes, it wasn't for anything else.
My dad.
OK.
So anyway, a pot of boiling water and he goes, they used to.
People didn't pick it up.
Now you're realizing it's insane.
Now what he's saying, as my dad, it seems like he's saying.
Bobby, let me tell you bedtime story.
I feel like six.
OK, dad.
Back in the day when the Japanese.
So they used to boil in water.
They used to tie coriands by their, what do you call it?
Here.
Feet.
Ankles.
No, ankle.
Right, right.
How does he say ankle?
Uncle.
Uncle, right.
And they go upside.
They hang outside from a tree.
So they would hang Koreans upside down.
No way.
From a tree.
And dip them in the boiling water.
And they would dip the fucking body in the boiling water.
And every time the body would come out,
it would be losing a layer of skin.
Oh my god.
Right, and they would dip it 10 times until they're dead.
But apparently it was like the most painful thing.
Did he see this?
No.
My dad was.
Will you Google dip in Koreans?
There is no dipping Koreans.
What do you mean?
Dipping Koreans in boiling water.
All right, there you go.
Dip in Korean.
I don't want Koreans in boiling water.
The dip in Koreans sounds like a baseball team.
Five to four out here, the dip in Koreans are really taking it.
Before you do that, let me just go back to my question.
Death by boiling, there it is.
Death by boiling, bro.
That's so awful.
See, death by boiling.
Boiling liquid.
Is there a reference to it during the occupation?
Historical practice in Europe?
No, Asia for sure.
Yeah.
Look at that.
Look at the size of that big pot.
Fuck it, I told you.
I fucking told you.
Yeah, but they wouldn't go town to town.
They brought you to the pot.
They had to bring you to the pot.
Yeah, look at that pot.
Bandit Ishigawa Goemon was boiled to death
for the attempted assassination of warlord Toyoda Hideyoshi.
Anyway, so I'll give you three options.
So buried alive, dipped by boiling water, right?
Or do you see Game of Thrones where they put the bucket
on the stomach?
No.
So they put a bucket tied to somebody's stomach.
But in the bucket is eight rats.
Oh, and they're going to chew.
So they burn this end so that the rats would burrow
through the human body to escape.
What do you say, Rudy?
So you have those three options to die, which one?
So buried alive, boiling or death by rat chewing
through your abdomen.
Buried alive.
Buried alive, what do you say?
Rats.
Rat, you want to feel it, huh?
I don't want to feel it.
You're going to feel it.
The claustrophobia of the fucking buried alive,
I wouldn't be able to do it psychologically.
You're OK with it.
It's a slow death.
But now you feel the rats eating away your body.
That's slow too.
But I always feel like somehow I could survive it.
You might.
If they bury around, like if they avoid the organs,
I think they were smart rats, right?
That's the heart going around it, right?
Right.
That's the liver.
You know what I mean?
They just went through none.
So they just, then they make a home inside of you.
Or they just bury burrow right through you.
To your butthole.
Not to my butthole, but through my back.
They go around the spine.
They don't fuck with any of the vital organs.
They hit nothing.
No, they hit nothing.
They're smart rats, right?
And then, come on, guys.
And also, he's not going to die either.
So we did two good things.
So they ate.
We're both alive.
Well, I guess that's the right way to do it.
Right.
And then I would probably hold both with my back like this,
like this, and tell my torturer, that was a good one.
Oh, you would say that's a good one.
Yeah, but now that he's going to go, now get in the casket.
So now you're going to bury him.
Now you're going to bury him alive.
And we're going to dip the casket in boiling water.
Yeah.
By the way.
Yeah.
Which one would you do?
I think I would do the casket, for sure,
because I think you run out of oxygen.
Otherwise, the boiling.
I couldn't do boiling.
It would suck, but every time you come up, because they dip you
and then they bring you up, it would only be fun if you could,
not fun, but every time you came up, you made a joke.
All right, so I tell you.
If they dip, yeah.
I pull you up.
You dip you down, and you go, that's not that warm.
It's not that hot at all.
And then dip you back down.
You go, well, let me take another look.
I think it's down there somewhere.
Kaplung, you know what I mean?
All right.
Are there supposed to be apples in here, or what?
I thought I'm bobbing crap.
If you do a hacky throw away joke, then at least the guy lowering
you was just like, best spa I've ever been to.
Right, right.
This is kind of a weird spa.
What do you think?
And then they dip you back in?
Yeah.
The rope guy might go, it's pretty funny.
Yeah.
They might let you live.
I know, but then, but imagine this, though.
Every time you get popped up, a layer of something is gone.
Yeah, and now you're a scatler kind of thing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
What a weird spa.
Jaws falling.
This is terrible.
Terrible.
Terrible.
It's so terrible we're even talking about this.
How did we get here again?
We're talking about it in present day.
How did we get to this, though?
George.
That back to George.
Something needed.
Unfollow him.
It's unfollow George.
Unfollow him.
No, no, hey, hey, hey, no, hey.
You must unfollow him.
Yeah, so by the way, but my dad was right, though.
Yeah, it's a real thing.
OK, good.
But your dad did make up a lot of stuff
because he was kind of a crazy drunk.
So who knows?
Yeah.
You know, sometimes people make up shit,
and it turns out to be true.
You've done that before.
Where you guess, and it's right.
What do you mean?
Yeah, where someone's like, what year did that happen?
You're like, I think probably the 50s.
And then you look it up, and it was, and you yourself go,
oh, yeah, yeah.
I didn't.
I do that all the time, where I'm like, I think.
And then what year was, in what place was this invented?
You go, Albuquerque, New Mexico?
And they go, yeah.
Yeah, it was.
Did you know that?
And you're like, of course I did.
Yeah, and you have to be at back then.
Yeah, you have to go back and go through.
Of course, of course, I know.
OK, now add information.
Give it a different quote.
That steer the.
Oh, yeah, we have to keep funneling her.
You know, we'll do a thing.
I'll go like, I'll raise this.
Every time I raise this, you have
to come up with a different thread of questioning.
Any topic?
Something that you know.
78 weeks we've been doing the show.
78, dude, honestly, 78.
Yeah, it's hard.
No shit, be in our shoes.
Let's just talk about something else, right?
And then I will lift this.
I really want this to work, because I
think this is going to help her like.
Well, because truth be told, I don't know why
we have her on the show sometimes.
People love her so much.
And she is just sitting there not contributing,
not wanting to pay attention, not adding anything.
Oh, you just hear what she says when I say we have to get
in the car to come here.
So bummed.
Yeah, Jules, get ready.
Why?
We have to do that.
You don't have to.
You know what?
I don't do that.
Why don't we just not have her on the show anymore?
Do you want to take a break for a year?
She does.
You want to take a break?
No.
You like it?
It's OK.
No, she doesn't like it.
It's OK.
What is it?
How could we make this better for you, Jules?
Where's Diego, by the way?
Did he hit you up?
Are you done with him?
Yeah.
Oh, boy.
Oh, boy.
Did he see the episode?
Yeah.
A lot of people are like asking him to follow.
Oh, because he's private.
Do we give away his Instagram?
No, but I follow him.
Oh, and they just look up you?
Yeah.
Let's just talk about something else.
No, it's fine.
Have you been watching the Olympics?
It's way over by now.
Yeah, but wasn't the Olympics amazing?
Yeah, it was great.
Yeah, yeah.
We did the Olympics last episode.
Yeah, yeah.
Have you seen Outer Banks on Netflix?
No.
No, what is it?
What is it?
It's a teen movie.
Yeah, me and Bobby love teen movies.
Yeah, we love it.
What is it about?
These teens go on a quest and go find treasures.
Look at what these kids look like these days.
Oh, my god.
Where are the ugly kids?
Remember how ugly you were as a teenager?
I know.
I was so fucking ugly.
I was so jealous of these kids, too, growing up.
I hated these kids.
Hated them.
Yeah, yeah.
They had nice skin, good teeth.
Yeah.
I had pockmark, pimple face, bulging teeth, big, huge.
Fucking, my grandfather used to say,
because my hair is so orange and my ears were so big,
he's like, you look like a taxi coming down the street
with the doors open.
Yeah.
My fucking family.
So yeah.
You look like a taxi coming down the street
with its doors open.
Yeah, yeah.
And I was so skinny and I had fucking big feet.
I have 12 and a half now.
When I was in high school, I had 10 and a half or 11s.
My grandfather goes, Jesus Christ, look at those fucking things.
And I go, oh, yeah, I got big feet.
He goes, you can water ski just without,
you water ski without skis.
And I was like, what?
My dad once said, I walked into the room, his bedroom.
He goes, you look like you did a 100-yard dash
in a 90-yard gym.
That is so funny.
My dad faced with that flag.
Your dad is very funny.
Yeah.
I'll bring him back.
So one time in La Jolla, do you ever see,
what's that one with Fred Savage?
Wonder Year?
Wonder Year's, Winnie.
So I guess her grandmother.
I used to have such a big crush on Winnie Cooper.
I auditioned for Mad TV with her.
Look at her.
But her grandmother or something,
I was walking by, I was a kid in high school.
I was walking by her grandmother's house.
And my friend goes, oh, you know that girl from Wonder Year's?
Her grandmother lives there.
And I took an, I don't know why I had an avocado,
but I threw it at the house.
Why would you do that?
Because I just didn't like, you know what I mean?
You didn't like Winnie Cooper's grandmother?
I just didn't like, you know what I mean?
Anyone that was doing well.
Oh, right.
I get that.
How old were you?
I was like, you, 16.
Cool.
Yeah, yeah.
There's Winnie Cooper there.
Yeah.
She's very pretty.
She's still pretty.
She was so cute as a kid.
She's so nice.
The side bob, the side pony tail.
Yeah.
Well, Luke, do that picture of her.
Is that Dancing with the Stars?
That's gotta be, right?
Up, up, up to the right.
Yeah, that's gotta be Dancing with the Stars, isn't it?
Yeah, and of course it is.
Would you ever do that show?
Huh?
Dancing with the Stars?
I would do Dancing with Wolves.
If they bring that.
Would you dance with it?
If they make Dancing with Wolves a TV show,
when you actually have to train and dance with Wolves,
I would do that.
I would 100% do that.
Yeah, but what?
Welcome back.
I'm Tom Bergeron.
Welcome back to Dances with Wolves.
Oh.
Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun.
Who's going to die this week on Dances with Wolves?
Yeah, yeah.
People just getting mangled and shit.
Dealer celebrities getting their fucking heads ripped off
by Wolves.
That kind of show I'm into.
Right.
I would never do some shit like this.
Why?
And I don't, I'm not shitting on the people that have done it.
Why would I do that?
Why would Andrew say no?
Because I feel like you can dance.
I can dance, but why would I do what would I do?
I think that if you trained with a real guy,
and I think because of middle.
That's the fear is that I fall in love with my guy that I
know.
No, but Mid-America would love it.
Mid-America will love you if you'd, regardless.
No, because I get this sometimes now because.
Because you're a leftist cuck.
Because you're a left coast cuck.
What do you get sometimes?
What do you get?
No, come on, finish the statement.
What do you get?
I'm just teasing you.
No, I know, that's fine.
Well, I'll get recognized for things that normally,
when I was doing the thing, I was like,
what am I doing this for?
Yeah, but America loves it.
But you'll get people that you normally wouldn't like you
or know about you come up to you and go.
Like black people?
What do you say?
No, no, no, like Midwestern people.
Like I've had old men come up to me or women and go,
young man, I love John that magnum pi.
Of course, yeah.
What I'm saying is that if I didn't do that show,
I wouldn't ever, these people would never know about me.
Well, I know it's great.
Because a certain kind of person watches a show like that,
saying what dances with the stars.
What does that mean, what kind of person?
Just people with regular lives.
What do you think?
Do you think I'm getting at something?
They just sound a little pretentious.
No, I'm not.
That sounds a little pretentious.
No, they're.
You mean regular, are you going to,
you mean regular Americans, good old fashioned Americans?
I love Midwestern American Americans.
Me, I'm a Midwestern American.
Maybe you're not.
I'm from fucking Chicago.
I couldn't be more Midwest.
No.
What am I?
You're Hollywood.
Fuck you.
I'm not Hollywood.
Bro, I grew up in the suburbs with regular Christians
and everything too.
I grew with Christians too.
I know, but at some point, right?
You and I chose, look at your fucking,
if I look at your phone, Blake Griffin.
Oh, there's so many fucking celebrities on your phone.
Because that's for work.
No, it's not.
You live, everyone listening.
This piece of shit is the most Hollywood scum bag
I've ever fucking seen.
Who, which one of us lives in the Hollywood Hills?
Which one of us lives in the Hollywood Hills?
I don't live in the Hollywood Hills.
Which one?
None of us do.
Because I don't live in the Hollywood Hills.
Okay, you live in the Hills.
I live on a hill.
I live in the flats.
What does that make?
I live in the flats.
You do live in the flats.
I live in the flats.
But in a nice compound.
In a flat.
Your house, you're not even in a house,
you're on a compound.
You guys live in the Hills.
Who's more Hollywood?
Him or me?
Both of you.
Jules, you're fucking tired.
Lift up the fucking.
I have a question.
Thank God.
Where is the Hollywood Hills?
Throw that thing at her.
You've never been to the Hollywood Hills?
No.
Have you ever seen the Hollywood sign?
Yeah.
That's where the Hills are.
Look at that's at the Hollywood Hills, right there.
In the mountain.
You've been over Laurel Canyon, right?
That's the Hollywood Hills.
That's the Hollywood Hills.
Those are what the houses look like.
Yeah.
And producer, mostly producers.
Yeah.
Those are the people that don't actually like
act or perform.
We're sandwiched between two producers.
Yeah, the guys that move money around the most.
That's who lives in all of these.
Yeah, that's a nice house.
People that are able to just know people
and that's how they make a ton of money.
Meanwhile, we break our backs
and then one day they don't want you anymore.
But those guys get to just keep living up there
and we don't.
The Hollywood Hills is for Uber rich.
Like that house has gotta be $15, $20 million.
Yeah, Sebastian money.
That's the, I mean, what was his house?
They said 26 million.
Is that his house?
No.
Sebastian money's house was at least 20 million.
A good family friend of mine just broke.
It's public knowledge so I can say it.
They broke the real estate record
of price per square foot in Malibu.
Make no mistake, this is not me.
Nobody, this is not my money.
They bought, it's not even the number.
It's the price per square foot.
What?
11.8, they bought Pamela Anderson.
Look up Pamela Anderson's house.
It'll show you, it'll be top story.
11.8 million dollars.
And it's about the size of, it's a little bit bigger.
Look at that, look at the house.
11.8 million for that little bungalow.
It's only 2,600 square feet.
Oh my God.
2,600 square feet.
Do you know how small that is?
Yeah.
Look at this.
11.8 million, okay.
Divided by 2,600 square feet.
It's a cute house though.
That's 4, $4,500 per square foot.
$4,000 per square foot.
Oh my God.
It's the average square footage in America.
Google that, average square footage in America.
It's a beautiful home.
It's beautiful.
Beautiful.
Average, average price per square foot in America.
This is, look at that.
They broke a record in Los Angeles real estate.
It's insane.
The average is $122.
Divided by 122, that's 37 times the national average
is what this person paid for.
37 fucking times.
That's insane.
They're rich, they got a lot of fucking money.
It's Malibu, Mel Gibson lives there.
I mean, I think his neighbor,
I think their neighbor is Harrison Ford
or something like that.
Yeah.
Does that matter here?
Hey, Harrison, yeah.
See, who's Hollywood?
Nice, this worked.
Bro.
See, you love it.
I say it's ridiculous when you go, makes sense.
It's either Harrison or when I lived on Beechwood
that what the lady next door did to me.
The one that ate poop?
The one that yelled at me before
not picking up dog poop.
And they put flyers all over the town.
I either get Harrison or that.
I pick Harrison every time.
There's a middle right.
If that makes me fucking Hollywood, you are.
No.
You are Hollywood.
George, George, it's Bobby Hollywood.
Who's more Hollywood, George?
Can't Pete interact a little more?
Fine, Pete.
Who's more Hollywood?
Can I tell you something, Pete, real fast before you answer?
You're on the chalking block.
You're on the chalking block.
You're on the chalking block.
You're on the chalking block.
You're on chalking block.
Juliana, you're on chalking block.
I mean, everybody in Arizona chalking block, all right?
So let me tell you something.
You're on the chalking block.
Yeah, yeah.
Just know that.
All of you.
George included, you're on the chalking block as well.
Yeah.
Big chalking block.
Why does that sound racist?
Chalking block?
You know you, hey, that motherfucker's a chalking block.
You know him.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're on the chalking block right now.
That's our next podcast name.
The chalking block?
The chalking block.
Pete, well, who's more Hollywood?
Damn it.
Pipe up, kid.
All right.
Let's go, have a stance.
Andrew.
Whoa.
Bitch.
Do you know why he said that?
Because he knows.
Because he knows the truth.
No.
Honestly.
No, because Pete works with me.
Because Pete works with me.
I drive a damaged Prius.
That's because you're lazy.
You drive fancy cars.
That's big.
Hollywood.
That's because you're lazy.
I like nice cars.
I walk into your house.
It's like a showroom in there.
You walk into our, it's like a fucking animal farm.
My point is that.
My house is a showroom because we have to rent it out.
We think about you.
We can't afford to live in it.
We can't be in being it while we're in it.
It's fucking Hollywood, dude.
Nothing is Hollywood about this.
Yeah, you hang out with Hollywood folks.
I do not.
You don't hang out with anybody because you're too lazy.
No, no one wants to hang out with me.
Yes, they do.
You're just lazy.
No, they don't.
Tomorrow night, let's go out.
You want to go out with a bunch of people?
Yeah.
Tomorrow morning, I'm going to Hawaii.
Exactly.
For, to do what?
To fuck you.
Shoot a TV show.
Shine shoes.
Fuck you.
Shoot a TV show.
What's your name on the show?
What?
What is your name on the show, Ching Chongs with plural?
Listen, Ching Chongs.
Yeah.
You are definitely more Hollywood than me.
Who can we ask?
Have you ever gotten your nails done?
Never.
Look at how shitty my hands are.
Have you ever gotten a facial?
Just from this guy I know in West Hollywood.
This guy, Mikey.
No, I've never gotten a facial.
Who can we call to ask?
Who's more Hollywood?
I'll call somebody right now.
Who?
I'll call somebody right now.
We have to settle the score of who's more Hollywood.
You're definitely way more Hollywood than me.
You wear shirts of bands you don't even like.
All right.
Okay.
You wear golden goose shoes.
And pre-dirtied up shoes.
Pre-talk all in.
Griff, you're on the podcast.
I need you to settle the score with me real fast.
It's Griffin.
Okay.
Bobby and I are fighting about who's more Hollywood.
And I say clearly it's Bobby.
He says it's me.
And the cowards in the office won't take a real stance.
No, no, no.
They're afraid of losing their jobs.
Pete said that Andrew was more Hollywood.
And really think about your answer here, Eric.
Griff, who's more Hollywood?
Me or Bobby?
Oh man, this is actually tougher than I think.
I mean, if I'm being honest, but Bobby is more Hollywood.
Yes!
Thank you, Griff.
I love you to death.
I'll call you after.
Yeah, please.
All right.
And he's our most honest friend.
Literally our most honest friend.
I don't trust it.
You don't trust our most,
let's just call-
No one is more honest than Griff.
Let's just randomly call the comedy store
and talk to whoever the phone kid is.
He just picks up the phone.
Fine.
All right.
That's fine.
You have to tell him you're on the show.
I know.
Hey, Bobby, what's up?
Hey, what's up?
You working the phones?
Yes, I am.
This is Jake.
Hi, Jake.
I know who you are and I love you.
You're on the podcast of Bad Friends right now?
Oh, okay.
Okay.
He may not know what that is.
I have a podcast.
You know what Bad Friends is?
I haven't seen it, but I know what it is.
It's me and Andrew Santino have a podcast.
Yeah.
Okay.
So I was going to ask you a question
because we're just calling random people.
Okay.
Okay.
Who's more Hollywood in your eyes?
All right.
Me or Andrew Santino?
And be honest and there's going to be no hard feelings.
Ooh.
I feel like it's even,
but Andrew seems a little more like low-key Hollywood.
Mm-hmm.
And then, yeah, and whereas you are much more seemingly
outspoken and out there Hollywood.
Right on.
He's out there Hollywood.
You're right, dude.
He's like ostentatious and annoying
and demanding and bratty.
That is, Jake, that's your final answer?
Thank you, Jake.
Yes, final answer.
Okay.
Thank you, Jake.
Okay, bye.
Love you.
He's right.
I gotta get one more.
Oh, keep going.
I gotta get one more.
This is great.
Keep swinging, because everyone's gonna tell you the truth
and you're gonna feel what it really is.
No, no, not.
You're Mr. Hollywood.
I'm not Mr.
Shut the fuck up!
I'm not Hollywood.
Nothing about me.
And you have to call, by the way,
you have to call a source.
Adam Egan.
Great.
Great.
Oh, this is perfect.
Great.
For people that don't know,
he's the guy that used to manage the comedy store before.
He became a prostitute in Austin.
He's a male prostitute in Austin now.
Yeah.
But he only does orals.
Yeah.
Your call has been forwarded to an automatic.
Wow.
Can you believe he did that to you?
That fucking hurt.
He's probably doing something.
That fucking hurt.
No, what do you mean?
He's probably busy.
Let me see if I can get ahold of him.
Adam Egrit.
Let's see.
If he answers my phone call.
Well, he knows we're together now.
Ari Shafir.
Ari Shafir.
Fine.
Are you FaceTiming him?
He doesn't only have FaceFight audio.
It's a race.
Your call had...
Fuck.
You both look so Hollywood right there.
Your phone's trying to calling famous people
to see who's in Hollywood.
You're on the chopping block.
Watch it.
Yeah, he's not picking up.
No one's picking up.
One more time.
I gotta get one more.
Can I tell you something?
This is how unhollywood we are.
None of our friends are picking up our phone calls.
This is the most Hollywood proof
that no one wants to pick up our phone.
Who is it?
You'll see.
Your call has been forwarded to an automatic.
No one's picking up.
Who is it?
Who was it?
No Tom Segura.
Oh yeah, he's definitely not gonna pick up.
Should we call Rogan?
No.
Come on, let's call Joe.
No, he's not gonna say anything.
Yeah, you will.
Whitney Cummings.
Sure.
Last one.
Sure, call Whitney.
All right, last one.
She's probably drinking blood or something.
What do you want, Bobby?
She'll have panic.
She'll have something like that.
Panic.
You know how Scrooge McDuck had a vault of money?
You know she has one of those in her basement.
She swims in money in the morning.
Someone says, how does she stay so young and active?
Swims in money in the morning.
Coins.
Text me.
Text me, that's her voicemail.
Text me.
We're not gonna get anybody.
What is this proof?
That we both suck?
That we're both not Hollywood.
That we're both not Hollywood.
That's what the, oh there she is.
Oh shit.
Hey Whitney, Whitney, you're on Bad Friends real quick?
Uh oh, God, okay.
I just wanna ask one quick question, just real quick.
We're just calling our friends.
No, yeah, no, I do not wanna do a television show
with you.
That's not it, that's not it.
No, I do not wanna co-host your podcast
when you're in Hawaii.
No, no, no.
It's a mediocre show.
Who do you think?
Time out, hey, first of all, be nice.
Be nice to Bobby.
We're giving you a boost right now.
Okay, you know what?
If you already know Bobby, how about a guest star on Dave?
Have a seat, Bobby.
Thank you.
Can I tell you something?
You wanna know something?
I can say, cause the episode's already out.
The first episode we were in Korea,
I literally said, what about Bobby Lee?
For any character in Korea?
Yeah.
And they go-
Why can't it be like a Korean spa maybe,
or like a massage envy, or like comedy,
like a spa shooting?
Like hilarious stuff.
We wanted to put him in,
I asked to put him in the Korean episode,
and Sonny, you know Sonny,
he said they actually pitched it,
but there was no role for him.
So they wanted you in there,
but there was nothing funny.
They were Korean armed guards.
So yeah, I did try to get him in with,
how many shows have you tried to get us in?
How many shows have you tried to get us in, Bobby?
How many shows have you tried to get us in, Winnie?
I think we're,
can we get to the fucking point of the fucking-
We're off on a bad start.
Oh, right, right,
cause your podcast normally has a point.
We should have called her, cause she's mean.
Well, no, let's say something mean.
She's nasty and mean, and she's not nice.
Well, okay.
This is my only chance to ever be on Bad Friends.
That's exactly right.
But just be honest with us, okay?
Who's more Hollywood, Andrew Santino or Bobby Lee?
Andrew Santino, hands down.
No way.
I love you, Winnie.
Fuck you.
I'll talk to you later, all right?
I'm gonna give you a nice gift.
Go drink more baby blood.
Fuck you.
Good night, good night.
I love you.
Bad source.
And she's the oracle.
Bad source.
She's the oracle.
Bad source.
In your fucking face.
Bad, she goes-
Source.
Even the doorman at the comedy store was like,
ah, even-
Source.
She said, Andrew Santino, hands down.
Bad source.
Eric Griffin said you.
All right, so we asked everybody to submit some videos.
How many do you have?
Let's just, let's see a few.
So who's gonna get invited
to Bobby's 50th birthday party?
Ooh, I'm excited.
How many do we have?
We've got a lot, but we can play some now and some later.
Because we have plenty of time.
Hey, Bobby, Andrew.
I'm just submitting an application to come party
with Bobby on his 50th birthday.
I got two shots.
So I'm double-vaxxed, all that good stuff.
I believe in masks.
I think masks save lives.
Okay.
I like, I like your guys and your comedy
and everything like that.
I like this guy.
I got a couple cats.
So, you know, I'm a wild guy.
I'm also sober, so I won't,
I won't be doing any crazy drinking
or anything like that.
Like the size of this guy's penis.
I can't stop scaring at this guy's penis.
It's so nice.
Are any of the Mary Jane around him or anything like that?
You feel a little titty as to.
A little tiny cute.
I'm half black and half Irish.
My mom's Nigerian and my dad is Irish.
So I'm technically half ginger as well.
So I've got to, you know, it's a full dose of words
that have an N and I, two Gs and E and an R.
I like him, I like him.
He's put up, do a, I don't know, flag or check mark.
Do a check mark next to him.
So you like him?
Yeah. Logan.
He doesn't seem like he's gonna be intrusive.
He doesn't seem like he, yeah, okay.
Okay, here's another delivery.
Here's me, here's Andrew.
Okay.
Move the player.
Move the button.
Have a happy birthday, Bobby,
and advance happy 50th, you an old motherfucker.
I just wanted to tell you why I should come to your party.
I'm fun at parties.
You know, I'm probably gonna get fucked up
cause you know you can't, you know,
you want to be lame when you're on 50th.
Which is cool, I get it.
But you know, I'll get fucked up for the both of us.
You know?
And you know, it'll be a good time.
So we out.
He's on the pooper.
I love the pooper guys.
You think he's cute?
He's okay.
Okay.
Cute, what do you mean?
Because you're gonna be there.
I want some, you mean?
He looks like he's fucking 30.
Yeah, you're right.
Sorry about that.
I mean, you can say he's cute, I guess.
What, all right.
Move that, move that, move that play bar.
Physically, there we go.
What's up, bad friends?
My name's Kyle.
I'm submitting this video to be invited
to General Robert E. Lee's big 50th birthday party, man.
Shout out.
Woo!
Hawaii 50, halfway to 100, man.
Way to go.
That's cool.
And it's so cool.
Papaya.
Yeah, there he is.
All hell to Slut King.
Andrew.
Jules.
Anthony B.
Pink Dick.
Love to meet you all.
I fucking think we have a blast, man.
A little bit about myself.
Sometimes I like to drink water while I'm peeing,
and I pretend that it's going straight through me.
Funny bit.
My favorite central position is trial and error.
That's about it, though.
I'd love to meet you guys.
I think I'd be a lot of fun.
I know how to party.
I like this guy.
So let's give it up to you.
They're all good.
And make me a bad friend.
I can't invite everyone.
What's the criteria here?
I mean, it's your party.
Yeah, I'll have to go through it again.
Any women, or is this all dudes?
I mean, it's probably mostly dudes.
Can I tell you an idea before you play the next video?
Yeah.
When he said he wants to meet everybody,
and I'm sorry I'm eating right now.
It's only because we're doing this at an off time,
because Bobby's got to.
Bobby's Hollywood, so he's got to go.
I do think, and I'm being genuine when I say this,
people are going to want to come and meet.
People won't say hi.
Wouldn't it be cool?
If we put George in a cage, or what
if we put George upside down, suspended by his ankles,
in the boiling pot like we were going to do before?
And if people donate money, and it goes to charity,
then the lower he goes into the pot.
A real pot of boiling water.
A boiling water.
So we hang George upside down.
If you donate, all the money for that
is going to go to our favorite charities to support,
because you don't need people's money.
We want to donate.
Do you want their money?
Yes.
Oh, OK.
We'll keep it, and just tell them it's for charity.
So can we do something to torture George at your party?
Yeah.
Yeah?
We're going to boil George.
All right, guys.
We're going to boil George.
We're just letting you know in advance.
We're going to be boiling George.
George, is this all guys?
Adam, you get it.
Go ahead, answer.
It's on the phone.
Yeah.
Adam.
Hey, buddy.
So I'm with Anders Santino.
You're on Bad Friends real quick.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, shit.
You just have to answer a question.
I miss you.
I love you.
Can you just answer a question?
Can you ask answer a question?
Sure.
And you can be completely honest.
Be honest.
Be honest.
Between me and Andrew, who's more Hollywood?
Oh, Santino, for sure.
I love you, Adam.
Why?
I miss you at a populator, OK?
I love you so much.
Fuck you, Adam.
Stay in Austin, you piece of shit.
Bro, it's fucking real.
This is real, dude.
No.
By the way, you know what?
He got kicked out of Hollywood.
He got ran out of LA.
It's a fact.
He got ran out of LA because he's a kookbag,
and we don't want him around.
That's right.
He gets we don't want you anymore.
Hollywood, let's go here.
Shut the fuck up.
It's so funny.
I'm so not Hollywood.
He's so Hollywood.
I'm more man of the people than you are by far.
You play golf.
What's wrong with golf?
It's Hollywood.
Everybody plays fucking golf.
They're all Hollywood.
If you don't play golf, you're not Hollywood.
That's not true.
Yes, it is.
It's gross.
America plays golf.
Not every American.
It's a lazy guy's sport.
No, it's not.
Yes, it is.
It's it's way you and your rich friends hobnob, right?
And create these projects and stuff on the fucking course.
I've been busting my ass to try to get jobs for fucking 15
years.
You've been sitting on your little Korean ass
getting stuff handed to you for 15 years.
Let's see what she says.
OK, I'll make this short and sweet.
You've got to pick me.
You guys live in my ear all day, every day, at work.
We have to pick her.
Like, if it's not whiskey ginger,
if it's not tiger belly, if it's bad friends,
like, you guys live in my ear.
OK, so Olivia fucking privileged to celebrate the 50th
birthday with you, Bobby, with Andrew, with Lila,
with Rudy, with everybody, with all the crew.
So say no more.
She's coming.
She's coming.
Push pause.
She's coming.
She's coming.
She has to come.
I don't even give a fuck what's left.
Mark her as a, absolutely.
Say, what's her name?
I can't read it.
I think it's Lila.
Lila, yeah.
Yuvia, or you?
Yuvia?
Yuvia?
Yeah.
She's fucking coming.
Anybody that has to deliver mail to people all day long
and tirelessly delivers shit.
I just like her.
Next person.
She's coming.
Move the bar, dude.
Hey, Bobby.
Hello.
Hey, Galila.
Hey, tiger belly family, bad friends family.
My name's Ashton.
I'm a registered nurse here in San Antonio, Texas.
This is my fiance, soon to be why, Victoria.
She's a music therapist right now.
And so I think the reason why we would be excited to go
to your 50th birthday party would just be hangout.
I'm sure you get this a lot, of course,
that I've been a fan of you since Matt's EV.
I used to run home from middle of work on my lunch break
just to watch episodes to see if you were in them.
So you're my favorite comedian of all time.
So why do you think we should go?
So I definitely think we should go because he always
look forward to your podcast.
That's how he de-stresses from his day.
He has a really stressful job.
So to be able to listen to you guys is a big relief for him.
This is your birthday.
I want it to be as special as it's going to be for you.
And you know what it's going to be?
Your birthday?
Hollywood themed.
Thank you for being a bad friend.
Be a bad friend.
Woo.
Tom.
So me and Andrew are doing bad friends.
You're on air?
Yeah.
I just have one question for you.
Is that OK?
Everybody.
Just in your heart of hearts and just really be honest,
who do you think is more Hollywood?
Andrew or Bobby Lee?
Oh, man.
That's really tough.
Your both kind of like pieces of shit in a way.
Yeah.
But it's kind of like who's like the more rotten piece of shit.
Yeah.
Yeah, you know who it is, Tom.
Tom.
Yeah.
I'm going to side with my white brother on this one.
Excuse me?
I'm going to side with my Caucasian friend.
Oh, Tom.
Love you, Tom.
Tom.
Thank you, Tommy.
I want to just listen to my words right now.
Yeah, listen to his words.
You break my heart.
Yeah, it's barely there.
It's barely fucking there.
You break my heart.
Love you, Tommy.
I love you, Tom.
All right, bye.
Bye.
Even 50-50.
Even is the great.
Woo.
Yeah.
Woo.
Yeah.
Woo.
Woo.