Bad Friends - Close Encounters of the Yellow Belly

Episode Date: September 27, 2021

New Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com Thank you to our Sponsors: https://www.doordash.com code: BADFRIENDS2021 & BLUECHEW code: BADFRIENDS & https://www.coinbase.com/badfriends & https://www.expressvpn.com/badfriends YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriends Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com  More Doc Willis  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/docwilliscomedy/ Tinder: https://tinder.com/docwilliscomedy  0:00 Doc Willis is Back!  2:34 The Difference Between Micheline Start Restaurants and Yelp  9:24 Getting Brown Tacos in Tijuana  13:30 Bobby's Apology to Jamie Masada for Breaking His Foot  16:28 Bobby's Secret Enrages Santino  22:37 Lex Luthor at Bobby's 50th Birthday Party  27:35 If Bobby and Doc Were Abducted by Aliens  32:19 The Smallest Yellow Belly   41:25 Santino's New Found Confidence  49:04 What Doc's Mom Told Him On Her Deathbed  56:06 Bobby and Andrew Create Doc's Tinder Profile  1:16:12 Vignette or Montage Solved More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Andres Rosende & Pete Forthun Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? White dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. You two are something. We're bad friends. Number one, hello. Hello.

Number two, I have a secret from about you, but I'm afraid, my client told me not to tell you, but it's itching. You have a secret for me? From you. I have to keep a secret from you. Tell me. But let's go with him first. Introduce our guest again. Who's here? We got this guy right here.

He got a little too much love last time. So much. Bring Doc back. Where would he drop you? Where are you performing? Haha Cafe. Is that? Are you being a mean?

I'm not being mean, but I'm just saying. Where is he performing? There's a coffee shop with a stage. Wow. That's that song. He's on Jefferson and Venice. Are you still directing planes at Van Nuys? Yeah.

Doc is the man. Doc is back. We love Doc to death. And by the way, I see you're performing on Friday at the Laugh Factory. Why don't you bring Doc? Oh, tonight? I can't just bring this little guy over. Famous Bobby Lee. Super star famous Bobby Lee.

The biggest name on the flyer. Can't bring somebody to do a guest spot. Interesting. Why? Because last night I found out something very interesting. What? Is this the secret you were going to tell me? No.

Do we need to blank it out? No, I think you should be very upset. I would be upset? No. You want me to do the factory first? Fine. Yesterday, I was supposed to be there last night. I called and I go, I can't make it.

We got a birthday cake on stage for you. Oh. And Joe Coy and all these people showed up. Joe Coy? I'm like, I can't go. Right? Why can you go? Because I was at a two Michelin star sushi restaurant.

Two is not enough for me. But when you slum, you do too. When I'm roughing it? Have you ever been to a Michelin star restaurant? No. You know what Michelin, the tire company? The car tire company. They also rate restaurants internationally.

Believe that or not. Back in the day, they were more prestigious. They were the only tire company. They're still very prestigious. You know Michelin as a tire on your Honda. But they also make very high-end tires for F1 and for high-end cars. So they were a prestigious, very wealthy company.

And they had this side branch of doing fucking rating restaurants. Kind of like Guinness Book of World Records is Guinness the beer company. What? You know that? In France, it's probably like 15, like two or three stars.

How many Michelin star restaurants are in France? Look that up, because honestly, maybe 30 or 40. Michelin owns these restaurants? No. If you get a star, one star, it's like this restaurant hovers above any other plain restaurant you go to.

Correct. Two stars, it's like you're going to drop a grand. A lot. Look at 57 new starred restaurants in France. Yeah, yeah. 638 restaurants in France including 57 new ones. Holy shit.

638 restaurants have Michelin stars. Yeah, it's quite quality. That's insane though. Oh, man. Oh, man. Jefferson & Sautel at 9.30 tonight. 9.30 tonight, right?

No, you know what? For real though. It's just, it's snooty shit. It's like fancy snooty. No, you could go. I could go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We would have to take you there. You could go though.

Yeah, and I feel like I honestly... You and Andrew, we're happy to have you. Yeah. There is a little black man outside trying to get in. He ordered the French fries. And that was you. So my point is, so Michelin star restaurant,

so last time I went to a two star, there's one on La Cienaga. Yes. And it cost a lot. How much per person? 400. Jesus Christ. And you don't even drink booze. I drink alcohol and if I go to any fancy restaurant,

it's another fuckload of money because two drinks, each drink is like 40 bucks. But it's also a two and a half hour event. Yes, it's a night out. Yeah, you don't do this. People sing and dance or something? What? Did he say dancing?

Are people singing and dancing? No, it's not a black funeral. There's a show. He did. He did. I saw a black funeral once on TV or whatever. It's the most fun. Some guy did a fucking somersault crying.

Into the casket? No, toward the casket. He tumbled toward it. It was amazing. Why do you guys get so... We're emotional people. This is not 2021. What is not?

We have a very stereotypical telling jokes. We've been doing this since the beginning of the show. Anyway, the Michelin star restaurant. We've been having fun on the show. There's one called Cali on Melrose. I've been to twice. But we should take you to one. Bestia in downtown.

I've been to four seasons. Is that the same? No, but they do have very high-end chefs. I didn't pay you the air-griffin. Well, Gerard paid. Gerard paid. Let's make Eric pay for this. Let's make Eric pay.

Yeah, Eric will pay for this. I'm being on this program. Let's go back to the lab factory. I'm in trouble there. I can't make it. The Michelin star restaurant. You went there with whom? Steve.

My boy. It's one of those sushi restaurants where you can't order. Oh, you went to... Park, no? Park is on a Michelin star restaurant. Sushi Park is. Is it? What are you talking about, above Joe's Pizza?

No. But that one, there's no menu either. Wait a minute, so how do you go on a web mission and website to find it? Yeah, when you're ordering tires, right, you click on... Two sets of snow tires and snow crab.

I'm just trying to educate myself. We love it. You're right. Actually, by the way, yes, he's right. You can go to the Michelin website and see the restaurants on the Michelin star. You can't make reservations or look at public menus and stuff.

Look, Pete, look it up. You know what? You might be more right than you think. And we laugh for no reason. What's the fanciest restaurant you've been to? In here in the California? Yeah. No, give us Nevada first. Delaware.

Let's go from East Coast. Delaware on. I've been to four seasons. That's nice. Michelin Guide has... Look, you can scroll down. You can see the restaurants that they've got on there. Hotel ratings and all sorts of stuff.

Discover the Michelin Guide restaurant selection. So there you go. You can look it up right there on the website. So why don't you talk shit back to Bobby for laughing at you about that? He's asshole. Give him something more than that. It ain't worth it. He's not even worth the fucking energy right now.

I'm the one that called you. Yeah, which one? It was called... Sci. S-A-I. Was it good? How much was it? Too much.

I don't am embarrassed about that kind of stuff. You're proud of it. I'm embarrassed. You have to say it because I said 400 of fucking pop. Bobby, you've been out of the country before too? What's wrong with that? Hey, man. That's fucking good. Hey, man.

I'll tell you where I've been in the world. I've been to Tokyo, Korea, South Africa, London, England, France, Germany, Australia. You love that.

I can wear the outfit. Do you still have that jacket? Mexico, I've been to Honduras, Canada, obviously. Where else have I been? The Philippines, yeah. Hold on, my mom's calling. Mom, you're on the Bad Friends podcast with me and Bobby

and our special guest doc. Say hi. Hey, Mom. How come you didn't call me back the four times that I called you today? I'm calling you now. Yeah, but I was going through a tough time all day today. I called you crying from the McDonald's drive through this morning. You didn't call me back.

That's funny. I love you. I'll call you after the show. Bye, love ya. So yes, I've been out of the country. Have you? Tijuana. This guy's like a classic.

What'd you do in Tijuana? You're a classic. Other than buy chiclets. What did you do down there? Me and the comic named Cisco, we did a show in... I love Cisco. We just went over there to get some tacos. Oh, so you were in San Diego doing a show? Yeah, and we walked across the border. Tacos? Brown tacos?

Yeah, just regular brown tacos. We did or in a restaurant? Street. Yeah, the street tacos. Where was the restaurant over there? We went to have tacos. The Four Seasons in Tijuana. We was just walking blocks, too. Tacos.

They met two tacos at a bar and they had tacos at a hotel. I see. That's what they did. What did you do down there? Tacos. He walked around. You know what happened?

Yes. So in the background, I was talking to Enrique, the manager. In the background, I hear... Great dude. I love him. He's trying to flip that place around hard. He used to work for the Improps, too, when he worked there. I loved him. So I hear in the background,

this son of a bitch, this fucking guck, we calling him. You know what I mean? It's Jamie Masada in the background. About you? Yeah, and I go, what the fuck is he rambling about? You broke my foot. You broke his foot? Yes.

Wait, what? I broke his foot. So I was at the lab factory before the pandemic and I had a good set and I was, like, jumping around in the lobby. I see it right now. He goes, you come down, come down, right? And I walked up and, what are you going to do?

And I started hopping, right? And I slammed down on my foot on his foot. And you broke his foot. He's, like, screamed. And I thought he was kidding around, like, not exaggerating. He goes, buddy, buddy, I think it's something wrong. I'll see you later. You broke it.

He's 90 years old. I go, see you later, right? And then he never called me one time for years. Should we call him? What? Should we call him? By the way, you know what I used to do to Jamie Masada? People that don't know, Jamie's the owner of the lab factory.

Really sweet guy. I used to complain that they weren't paying us enough. So I'm not kidding. He takes money by the door for tickets and seats for the booth. So he'll attest to this. I'll bully him. I would bully him in the hallway. I go, I want more money.

And he goes, come on, buddy, but I would do it in front of people. And I'm not kidding. I would grab money out of his pocket and take it. And he'd be like, come on. Will this come on the thing or no? Will this come on the earpiece? It's going to be through here. He's got his broken foot.

But I'm going to tell you that the money story is real. I used to bully him bad. One time I sold $400 from Michelin. I went right to the restaurant after that boy. He's not going to answer. He's two kids now. Let's see what he picks up for. That's funny. He had a second kid.

Yeah, yeah, two kids. Yeah. That old person's burn was strong. All those years of oppression went into his balls. He created two little kids. Okay, ready? Hang up now. Do you hang up?

Hold on. This is an exercise and he's going to pick up the phone just because it keeps ringing now. No, that's not what it is. Yes, it is. Yes, because it's ringing now. He's going to be like, what are all these people calling me for? Something happened. I would do the same thing.

He's not going to pick up for me. Yes, he will because he saw his phone blown up. That's not right. Why are you so paranoid? Because you're doing this. This is bad. Do you know you got this podcast? I don't think we even know each other. He knows we got the podcast.

Yeah, he does. He's not picking up. I'll leave a message maybe. Say sorry for breaking your tongue. Yeah, you should. He's a good man. My daddy's a good man. That's very cute.

That's his wife. Hey, baby, Bobby Lee, man. Hey, man, I'm sorry for breaking your foot. Last night, I was thinking about it. I felt really bad about breaking your foot. It's funny, though. I'm sorry, but it's funny. And good luck, bud.

I'll see you soon. Love you. Yes, so I broke his foot. He was pissed. He's one of those Egyptian mystics who was like a thousand years old. He has one of those vibes. He also knows

Quincy Jones is one of his best friends. Quincy Jones? You know him, though. Of course. Jamie's collection of old friends is insane. His legacy is understated because Mitzi gets all this credit for the comedy

and nobody talks about it. Jamie ran that area of sunset solely on his own. Well, the club at first was... But I thought he was like... I thought the highest he had was like Damon Wayans and... What do you mean, fucking everybody performing?

No, no, no. In the beginning, it was just a hallway. Do you know that? Yeah. So when you walk into the lobby of the fucking Laugh Factory, that's essentially what it was. Look at what Pete spelled it, Jamie Ayosada. Like he's Japanese. You got it right there.

See what it says, did you mean? There he is. Look at him looking fucking good. He looks good right there. And he talks like this, body, body, body, body. So Jamie, and then later obviously they bought the rest of the club. Yeah. But back in the like,

probably in the 90s and 2000s and stuff, I think if Comedy Store had the reign of the 70s and 80s and part of the 90s, Jamie definitely took it over the rest of the time. Because he had a lot of acts that we didn't have at the store like he had.

Dane was huge for him. Oh, the Wayans Brothers. Harlem Williams back when Harlem was hot. Chappelle used to go over there a lot. Chappelle, yeah, a lot of people fucked with that guy. That gets the best luck. Because you know why he's a really good dude. He's a good guy. He's always been a good dude.

And he cared about comedy a lot. Like he just wanted to be able to make, you know, a lot of club owners that I think they want to get, they want to get famous. And they also wanted to stand up. Well, he was a comedian, right? Yeah, he was. But he knew when he didn't need to be a comedian anymore. He learned pretty fucking fast.

He worked at the store. He was a coverbooth guy. I know. Oh, yeah, yeah. But he learned that he wasn't going to be a comedian. He knew he needed to cultivate talent. He figured it out that he was like, I got to stop doing this. And he also discovered Tiffany had us. Let's be real. 100%. Yeah, 100%. When she was 16, she used to take the bus.

I met her then. There she is right there. There it is. My beauty. I could have been my wife. You're a great guy. Yeah, we could have dated. Tell me my little secret, please. Or the thing that I'm not supposed to know. I want to know. I lost. Come on. I lost.

Just say it. I lost it. You lost what? What? You lost my fucking birthday gift? Did you seriously, dude? We don't know where it is. We don't know where it is. We don't know where it is. We don't know where it is. Are you being fucking serious?

I wasn't even supposed to tell you. Do you know how nice that was, dude? That was such a nice gift. It was a vintage fucking movie poster. It was beautiful. It's beautiful. And very expensive, might I add. It's big. I don't know why. How do we lose a big... Are you fucking...

Wait, wait, wait. Easy, easy. Wait, wait, wait. Whoa, dude. I spilled water. I'm kidding. Are you joking? That was good. That was good.

I'm on steroids. You can't do that to me. You brought out the demons. I know. God, relax. I am on steroids right now. You did. I know you did. I'm soaking wet. I'm soaking wet. Here, give me all of it, Pete. Just give me the roll.

Thank you, Pete. Let's give it up for Pete for the roll. I'm soaking wet. I'm on steroids. That's why I'm angry. Prednisone. You know why? Honestly? You did lose it. I know you did. How the fuck did we lose a fucking... What's the real secret, then?

No, there's something else. I can feel it. There isn't nothing else. There is nothing else. I'm glad you didn't lose it. But did you like it? Loved it. Have we talked about my party? A little bit, but not really. Also, people listening, it wasn't like

the party that we were going to invite fans and stuff to. No, it was a dinner. And it was a surprise for me. Yeah. Okay. It was a surprise dinner. So, Clodley goes, hey, that's six. I'm having dinner with Sterling. Do you want to...

You should come. So, I go, all right. So, we meet Sterling. Now, I'm at Chosun, this Korean restaurant. The best. And I'm walking down... Now, where is that at? Korea Town. Hey, man, I don't get out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, then I come around the corner and it was like... 25, 20 people? 17, I think was the number. 17 people. Yeah, 17, 16 people. And it was like...

You were genuinely shocked. Shocked. I have video of you your mouth going like this. Yeah, I was so surprised. But be honest. You got some good gifts. Like I said, when I gave you my gift, I go, this is unorthodox, it's unusual.

I think he's really going to love it. I love it. And I go, he'll love it when he gets home and gets to look at it. It's beautiful. You got a lot of stuff. Yeah, yeah. It's beautiful.

And you also... Your wife, I wasn't saying about my guy. But you guys put... You can say it, scuba. Because I had to do... I know, but that's ironic. You left. Wait, you left, Griff left. I turned around, it was me and Rosenbaum.

My Rosenbaum, yeah. He's like, you got to get your back fixed in Romeo and Juliet. DoorDash! I'll tell you what, Andrew, when I go anywhere... To Hawaii. Or anywhere in this country. Anywhere? Because you can use it all over the country.

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all in one place. Where do we have to go, Bob? Download the free Anchor app or go to anchor.fm to get started. You know Mike Rosenbaum? You ever see Smallville? Did you talk about the

Superman movie? Yeah, but I don't know. He played Lex Luz though. By the way, you and Kirk Fox making a great showing in Reservation Dogs. You saw it? Yeah, and I saw Burs in there, too. I told you, that show I watched before I knew you were in it.

I forgot that that was the name of the show that you did with Taco. Oh, really? Yeah, it's great. So Rosie came and who else came? Oh, you know who else? David Cho. David Cho came. Who else came? Gina Gershon came. Who else came?

Brandon Dermot. Dermot, you're a boy. Love. And then a few other close-knit Jean came. Who I love. I asked him to write a certain episode. Really? Yeah.

Please. Yeah, yeah. By the way, for those that want to know, it was divided into an Asian table and a non-Asian table. I'm so fucking sick of this. You guys vacationing in Hawaii think I'm tired of it. Why? Because I'm jealous. I don't get a fucking vacation. You can buy a ticket. Tell me when I have time.

We find the time for shit like that. No, you ruin other stuff and you make time for it. What? You tell? Come on, zero. Somebody Photoshopped you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, but here's the thing. I don't do the road because, right, you don't need the money. I love stand-ups. Exactly. My point is that stand-ups, I like it. I'm in love with it.

I like it, but it's like I'd rather go to Hawaii. Nah, fuck that. This is what we choose. I'd rather go to Hawaii and take a vacation, but right now we can tour for a year and a half, so I want to tour. I want to go do stand-up. That's your choice.

Have you been to Hawaii? I do. Have you been to Hawaii? Well, you went to Mexico. Yeah, but I'm saying also Hawaii is a part of our country. He doesn't need to know. Is that colonization?

Kinda. Yeah. I mean, here's what we do. Costa Rica is insane. We went down there and they were like, hey, we can't afford to have an army. And we were like, all right, you can use our army, but then we're going to get to do whatever we want.

And Costa Rica was like, okay. Yeah, that's a fair exchange. Then we get to help them against Panama and all these other places that want to fucking kill them. But we did that because we wanted more access to the Panama Canal. We probably have a huge military base there, right? In Costa Rica.

In Costa Rica? I can't talk about size, but I know that our presence is there. Our soldiers are there. There's not three guys with handguns. So funny. We have an army. Just three guys. A couple of guys who used to work in a store.

Yeah. That's a turtle, John. Well, look at this. For the last time, the U.S. does not have an army base in Costa Rica. Yeah, I mean... So, Doc, since we last saw you... We just have active soldiers there, but there's no base. Since we last saw you, have you been fucking or what?

What is wrong with you? What have you been up to? Since we saw you, what have you been doing? I've been chilling, working. Doing a few shows. Are you depressed or happy? I'm happy for the most part. Are you fucking?

No, I'm chilling. Are you on dating sites? What's going on? I've been like... You're saying it like you're hiding something from us. Are you in a relationship and we don't know? Be real with me then. Be straight up. Straight up. Right now I'm chilling.

Because you don't want to fuck with anybody? Let me ask you another question. You and I are about the same height. We agree I was taller? He was an inch taller than you. You're 5'1", he's 5'4". Oh, that's right. I'll tell you, Doc.

We're both 5'3". We're the same size. Well, not the same size. Because you know that stereotype, right? That black... What is it? What's the stereotype? The black...

Their pants are better? What are you pointing at? I don't know what it is. You know what a dick is, bro. I don't know what the stereotype is. That they're bigger brains? No, they're... The genitals are bigger.

Like they're testicles? Both maybe. Never heard it. But because you're so small, and we were naked side by side to each other, right? We're about to go down this path. We're not going down the gate.

You and I... Let me paint out a scenario. An alien race. They kind of look like Koreans. Basically. And they're like... Let's capture a couple specimens. I've got two of them, boss.

Yeah, I got two of them. One of them is black and one of them is orange. Now you and I are both in a futuristic cyber cage. A probing cage. A probing cage. But we're completely naked. We're stuck down on the bench, right?

No, but we're kind of upright. Metal slabs, right? It's really cold. Sounds more like a fantasy to you. Metal slabs are completely naked, right? Arms and legs strapped in. We're strapped in like this. At first we looked at each other.

We would look at each other, right? And for some reason, you have an erection. Why, Doc? Why do you have an erection in this situation? Maybe because I'm thinking about space pussy. Alright. Space pussy. You see some space pussy go by.

Yeah. So then we're like this and we're on slabs, right? And you can't get hard. I can't get hard. It's tough. It's difficult. Why is that? I'm getting older. But maybe with you,

if you looked over at his penis hard, I think if his penis was hard, I'd just be like, I'm excited. You don't want to be left out. Why is that? Doc, hard or hard? Right, so we're both hard.

I see it now. Why are they hard? They wouldn't know what that is. They wouldn't know what genitals are. They wouldn't understand why it rose. I'm sure they do. They can travel 35,000 light years and they don't know what that is.

Why are they examining you naked? They want us to compare the penis sizes. I think they just want to suck us. So the aliens are like, which one do you want to suck off first? The smaller one seems more palatable. But now, would we have the same size?

Or do you think yours would be bigger? Yours would be bigger. So confident. So very fat. I don't even like it. I doubt it. You're alright. Between you and you know,

what's the guy from Different Strokes? Gary Coleman. Now, are you guys the same type of blacks? The same type of blacks? Man, this is just... I don't know what that was, right? Who you been hanging on? Was it Lewis?

I mean, I don't think... I don't know how to take it. I feel so bad saying it. Yeah, you should. But I don't know what I'm saying. There's only like four of you. You, Spudweb. No, there's Mojibogs.

Yeah, maybe kids. The kids, right? Maybe like a 12-year-old kid, right? That's your size. We're grown men yet. So when it comes to grown men, right? It's you, Mojibogs, Spudweb, Emmanuel Lewis,

and Gary Coleman. And Kevin Hart. He's taller than me. How tall is Kevin Hart? He's not. I shot a movie with him and he's not. I'm taller than him. Between 5'2 and 5'4.

He's your type. Okay. I don't know what that means. Who is that racist? He might be racist. That's in your heart. Don't look at me. Ask Doc if you're being racist.

Am I being racist? How is that racism? It's not racism. You said, are you the same type of black? Yeah, small black people. Well, that's... That's not racist. But then you would just say, are you all the same size?

Are you a dwarf or a little person? No, that's not... First of all, let me say something right. Number one, I know you're not a dwarf or a little person. Correct. Because I couldn't go there with you the way I'm talking now. That's true. I wouldn't be able to say these things, I don't think.

Maybe. You're telling me right. So what I'm saying is that you're a full grown... You're full grown, right? You're full grown. You're full grown. You're not going to grow up longer? Yeah, no.

Ask him the same question. That's not fair. Why? Are you full grown? I'm not maybe. I'm not offended by the fucking question. You're the smallest one I've seen. I'm the smallest one. I'm the smallest one.

Little yellow bellies. You just call me up. Stop, stop, stop. Yellow bellies. Wow. Everyone listening to that right now, right? Now what do you think of Doc? Do you're commenting now, my friends?

You made him do that. My point is that I wasn't making... First of all, going down a comedy path. I saw. You saw the comedy path, right? I got it. There was stuff in it, obstacles. And it went around.

Landmines, yeah. I feel like I got to the other side unscathed. You did. You did okay. Although the yellow belly stuff is going to stick out. This episode is going to be called yellow belly. I didn't know he added it. I was vibing. Call me yellow belly again.

I want to keep it. Thank you. Correct all your gold. Hey. Hey. Why did you say bastard? I'm just saying, listen, okay. I just want to know.

If you're at the comedy store, right? And you see Emmanuel Lewis. He's dead. No, I mean, I'm still alive. Gary Coleman's dead. And you guys eye each other. You might not even say hi, but there's a connection. Do you guys go, what's up?

You know, you come on. That's how you do it from the hood. No, not just what you do to another black guy. He's asking if you get a different kind of nod. You have a little, yeah. Little black dude connection. Is that a thing? I mean, it could be.

Something magical. Very fucking... Do you think they have a secret handshake or some shit? Yeah. Yeah. What is that now? Yeah. Maybe they're like a different...

Maybe they could be aliens. A tiny black man? I mean, think about it. Well, you remember the Zimbabwe incident with the UFO situation? Tell me. You didn't see it on a phenomena? No, I don't know what to say. In Africa, these kids at school were visited

by these black aliens. And they were little. And a couple of them were chubby. Hold on, let him finish. School kids who said they saw aliens. Even now they're headed on Joe Rogan talking about it. Wait a minute, wait a minute. In 1994, 60 children at the aerial school

in Rua Zimbabwe said they seen a UFO and aliens with big eyes and bush land near their playground. The story was reported around the world. Wow, okay. And you said black aliens. Yeah, they're black. So number one, right? In the middle of the night, how did they see him?

It wasn't in the night, it was during the day. Oh, had to. I don't know. What do you mean? Of course not. But he does. That is interesting. I think something that you know

and you absorb it, you throw it out casually like that. There's a connection. So what do you know? Where are you from? I'm from here. What planet are you from, dude? I'm from... They don't like that word, Pete.

Yeah, yeah. Oh my God, he's wearing a fucking NASA shirt. Yeah, yeah. Is that not a dead giveaway? I love her. You fucking foreign... Oh my God. I'm scooting over.

Don't be scared. That's what they say, don't be scared. Don't be scared, that's what they teach them. What do you travel through? Wormhole. Blackhole. It might not... It's all lighting up.

You travel through black holes. What do you say right there? Oh my God. Oh my God. Bro, where are you from? Where are you from, man? I'm trying to tell you, bro. You think you know me?

You don't know me. I could see 80 years ago, right? Yeah. Five of them. That's where the aliens... They were them. Let's go to Hollywood. So they landed in Zimbabwe.

We'll become actors, you become a comedian. Oh my God. That's perfect. Kevin's a comedian. Two of us will be actors. One basketball, you play basketball. Cat Williams, he's short too. Cat Williams.

You'll do crack. Easy, fellas. Is that not a real story? Did he do crack and punch someone in the grocery store? I don't know about that. Do you see what he did? He protected. He protected Cat. He didn't smoke crack in the grocery store

and punch someone in the face. Cat Williams opens up about drug enhancing the creativity of... comedian phase on loves as Cat Williams is on crack. That's why I love phase on love. So, um... You're denying it.

Where you're from? Of course. What do you mean? I'm telling you where I'm from. I don't buy it. I think you came down in Zimbabwe. You and the others. This is going to be called the most racist podcast of all time. No.

There's three of us. One of me, one of you and one of him. We should be okay. Are you offended? Of course not. I was acquitted to like back in the day when you had a harbor city or a town

and you'd had people from different lands in a port somewhere. The way they would bond with each other is they would call each other's nicknames and make fun of each other's accents and rib on each other. Then they would go to the bar or whatever and have a drink.

That's how human beings connected. Right. They're trying to take all that away. Well, here's the thing. We're always going to do it with people that you love. Yeah. You just can't do it to people you don't know anymore. Exactly.

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Yo, you have a weird, like, a cool confidence now. What do you mean? Just offstage. I've been observing you. What are you talking about? No, just the thing where it's like you walk into, like, a room in the hallway, or you're walking down, and just your voice

and the way you walk and stuff, which is, you know, archy, you know what I mean? Archy, yeah. And just slinging, you know what I mean? And people kind of moving out of your way. Yeah, yeah, not being real. That's not. I've been observing you for real, dude. And I'm like, huh. But it's not done out of...

It's not auto. You're not being cocky. It's just you, I think you've gotten to the next level or something, and you demand a certain amount. And I'm the same way. Sure. A respect. But there's something like a, you know, a rat, a rat pack flair. Okay, I'll take it.

Right, right. But don't say D, not demand, command. No, it's the more demand. No, I think I command something. I have a commanding presence, so do you. But it was never, it was never like that with you. Sure, because I was probably more sad before. Yeah, before you were like

crunchy. Yeah. And you would come in, hey guys. For what? Just being in the grind. I think sometimes the grind got to me. Oh, yeah, yeah. And then now, I think what he's saying, truthfully, and I mean this, I found that post-pandemic, I found the rhythm I need to do comedy in. When I used to be like, go, go, go, go, go,

go, go. And now I'm like, dude, I can do less shows and work out better material in less time if I work harder at the times that I have. Okay. Instead of doing three shows a night and two of them are fucking mediocre because my effort level is low. Right. Because I'm tired. I'm hungry. I didn't eat dinner. We came from

this, like, or whatever. I think that changed my mentality. But here's another switch right there. Yeah, it probably did because I feel more like I need to focus on making it good while I'm there instead of used to be, how many sets can you do? You know, I mean, back, dude, you know, too. Five years ago, it was

when it was fucking chaos at the store, how many times can I get up? It was like, how many times a week can I get up? It was like a competition. Everyone's like, you're there. Yeah. You're there. You're there. You're there. You're there. You're there. Two shows. Main room now there. Then in fact, then in fact, I think I was burning out. I was fucking just burning out.

Yeah, I think that what the pandemic did for me was when I'm on stage now, I don't care as much about the reception. That's huge. For me, it is because it's like, I used to need to kill at every moment. Right. And I could see myself not doing as well and still being okay. Like, we should all take

a note from Norm McDonald. When you watch his stuff, like, even his what's the presidential speech, you know, where you do the Correspondence Dinner. Correspondence Dinner. I said it. There we go. Correspondence Dinner. I said it. There we go. So, but even when you watch that Correspondence Dinner,

his first joke is, I didn't want to come up here and bam in front of the president and it's like smattering of laughter. Yeah, yeah. And he goes, okay. Yeah, yeah. But he liked the idea. I'm not that guy. You're not that guy. Yeah, yeah. But like, we should

all take a little note from him when you do watch his stuff that you're like, oh yeah, he was comfortable just fucking around. Oh, yeah. He was just fucking around. I was like that. Yeah, but Dave, Dave, Dave Dave was always kind of prophetic. Like, he wanted to be like, what I'm

saying is profound. Oh, yeah. Where Norm was like, this is fucking dumb. And he let you sit with how dumb something was that he said. I think it was just Dave, I think thinks his words and I'm not I think he wants his words to be powerful. Yeah. I think Norm

wants to make you just it's it's more kind of wish I knew how to it's just more like a it's more it's more like little tiny like he's doing it above you. Yes. Right. But he's letting you get there. Right. But he also doesn't like

I can I've seen Norm perform where you're in the audience and there are like people that just don't get it. They don't get it. Right. And I'm like, I look over and I'm like, you know, how do you not get that? But because you forget that sometimes joke structure is so familiar to comedians but not to audience members that

you know he's doing it because he knows they don't get it. Did you see Norm on the view when he was promoting his my favorite when he talks about Bill Clinton the murder. Yeah, the murder. The funniest thing on earth. But what if you rewatch it after his passing. Yeah. And it's a guy sticking to his guns.

Oh, he doesn't bow down. Not pendering. Yeah. To the liberal side of things. Dude, this is the second time you've gone nationalistic and I love it. Why? Why? Because you're going full repub on this. I'm not. I'm not. You're going repub on this show. Repub on it. He is, bro.

You know what he said the other day? He goes, welfare is bullshit. I never said that. I never said that. On the phone to me, he goes, dude, Edd is a joke. I think I think government serves its purpose. Right. And I like programs for

the, you know, do you want your government big or small? I like it big. You like it. You like interactive government. But for me, because of cancel culture, right? It's driven me toward the center. I know. We talked about this last week. I know. I've already said that before. But you know what?

You should be able to be however you want to be. This is who I am. I don't give a fuck. My point is, is that. And Norm was like that too. Yeah. And when I was watching, rewatching that, I was like, you know, I don't really even agree with what he did. Norm? Yeah. On the thing. Right. It's not like me going. Because, you know, it's like, you know,

I'm saying Bill Clinton was a murder. Yeah. And it's also, it's like he's, but they're all presence of murder. Yeah. But all presence of murder. No, I know. Okay. Bill Clinton did go to Epstein's Island 26 times. Anyway. 26. So

it's not like I believe in the politics of what he's saying. What I'm saying, I get it. So what I'm, but I'm saying is that he's a guy, because if I was in that situation, I would have read the room and switched so that everyone would love me. You would have pushed out. Yeah. And he didn't do that.

And I, and I honor that. Yeah. Because they were like, you're not going to be on the show anymore. I just don't want a president that's a murder. Yeah. Yeah. It's amazing. It's great. It's great. Yeah. But you know what? That's a special type of guy. Like there was only, there's only fucking one in a million people that are like that in comedy.

And it's not like who's the funniest. I don't like when somebody goes, funniest guy to ever live. It's like, that's not a real statement. That's not a real statement. It's a stupid fuck. That's not what he did. He was phenomenal. He was his own thing. That's why he was so good. Yeah. I'm going to also say where I've grown in terms of comedy.

It's like it's the guy that kills the most at a club isn't necessarily the funniest guy. Of course not. Sometimes the guy that doesn't do as well. Right. But their approach to certain topics or angles. Right.

And point of views is original. And something about their persona right is like unique that not everyone's going to get. Right. But is extremely like inventive and innovative. Like direct. Direct on. That's a great example. Not at all. No.

No, I'm kidding. Yeah. Because I'll tell you who I'll tell you who I'll tell you who that is now. Brian Simpson. Oh my god. Yeah. Right now. Right now. Yeah. I don't know if I've watched a funnier developmental mind in terms of like, he knows his voice.

I'm not saying if I'm saying what he's forming right now. Yeah. It's dude. He's. Yeah. Brian is there. He's phenomenal. You know, I think he's one of the best comics out right now by far. Yeah. Brian's great. Fuck this. You don't want to talk about comics anymore. Yes.

All right. Let's cut all that. Wait. I want to get back to something real. What's that? I want to be serious. All right. Be real. You're taking. Are you taking a break from seeing people seeing because you want to focus on life or

did something happen? You know, when my mom's passed away, that was one of the things she told me. She said, you got to stop dealing with all these women and just focus. Why are you laughing? He talked about his mom dying and you're going to laugh.

She never said that. Yes, she did. On her dying, on her deathbed. There's no way she said that. She was like, Doc. Come over here. Not when she was dying. It was before that. You need to stop focusing on all this pussy. Nah.

Get yourself in some jokes. I'm totally focused, but I'm saying like, I'm not, I don't have a consistent girlfriend. Doc, Doc, Doc. You're going to make me blow out an artery. I'm going to laugh so hard, all right? I don't know what.

You're going to make me have a fucking stroke, right? You stop this line of things that you're saying. Stop right now at your tracks. Bro, bro. It's going to make me laugh so hard. I don't care.

I'm fine with you. It's absurd. What's absurd? This is the most ridiculous conversation. His mom died and gave him a piece of advice. What did your mom say? She told me that I need to focus

and stop thinking about these women and messing with these women and just do the comedy and work on it. She said that when my time come, she'll come and I'll meet the one. But I have to stop. We're number one, because I used to mess with a lot of guys' girls, right?

Oh, so you would purposely go after girls that had boyfriends? Yeah, because you ain't have to pay for the dinners and dates and stuff, so you just fuck, right? So my mom's like... Wait, wait, stop. Did you do this a lot? Did you fuck our girls?

No, no, no. Did you fuck our girls? I went out of a stroke, bro. Stop. This is not true. I hope you have a stroke. Wait a minute. Did you and the Zimbabwe alien crew fuck our girls?

No, we didn't. Wait a minute. You would find out that they would have a boyfriend and you know, like, the last woman that I talked to her about in that situation. Yeah. I was just talking to her and it was a woman

and I found out that another guy liked her and she was dating this guy. So I would tell my mother, I was like, you know what, I'm gonna go ahead and take her from her. And then she goes, don't you do that shit? I'm sick of you doing that shit. And I go, what? What do you mean? Sick of doing what? She said, you've been doing this shit

all the time. You always taking people's girls. Stop doing that. And I say, nah. And she said, and then I was like, well, I said, well, that's not true. She said, please, you've been doing that since I've known you. That's all you do. She said, so stop doing it. She said, for now, I want you to find your own girl.

Like just get... Pretty valid. Yeah, shit right. It's very... Have you ever gotten in trouble with the boyfriend? Did you ever get caught? Nah, cause I was like one of those dudes that was satisfied with...

You don't fuck... And then get the fuck out. Yeah, and then go back to him. You're like that meme I see. You look like a guy climbing out the window with his pants. Nah, I never have this. Where is he? Are you high right now? He doesn't get high?

You don't get high? Why did you ask him that? I get a little Veno though, Bobby. I get that barefoot in that Sutter home. Yeah, you don't like that Sutter? Wait, also, Doc. You're dating sites. No, I don't fuck with dating sites.

Then how do you meet these... He did now. Can we start a profile from this show for you? Can we what? Can we create a Tinder profile for you? Nah. Please. We're gonna do it right now. The boys are gonna do it right now.

It's you. We're gonna create a profile with you, right? And your profile picture... Stop. I don't think... I don't have a problem with getting women. What the fuck is going on? I don't hear you.

Chuck Willary and fucking... I don't need that. Chuck Willary. Let's do that. Let's just stop for a second. Listen, we want you on this podcast to fill in for Jules when she's gone. I think we might just replace Jules.

You're on the team. You're on the team. You're on the bench, but we're gonna sub you in a bunch of times. Okay? Because I think our fans like you. We like you. It's a good chemistry. I think it'd be great for a bit

to create a Tinder profile of Doc. This is gonna get cut out. We're gonna do the bit. We're doing it. The profile photo is gonna be you

in the center and we're with you. I think it'd be great. You're gonna get so many fucking... But we want to record you going on a date with one of these girls. Because we want you to get a nice girl too. I know you can get girls, but your past

has been you getting girls who have boyfriends. Let's get you a good one. We wear suits and we're his bodyguards. That's not the only thing I do. Only dudes with... You said it. Yeah, but I'm saying though. It's both, but yeah, I just used to hook up with a lot of...

Man, you guys are fucking... We believe in you. Yeah, you don't make me into like I'm this... Let us get you a nice girl. We want to get you a nice girl. Is there a Christian? Are you a Christian? He is now. You are. You believe in Jesus? Yeah, I believe in Jesus. Did you go to church on Sundays?

No. I used to. Let's go to plentyofish.com. Sign him up for plenty of fish. Plenty of fish? Let's go to fucking Tinder. No, you said religious. Let's do a religious site. Plenty of fish is not fucking religious. Is the fish a reference to fish and God and Jesus? No, no, no, no.

What's a Jesus one? Let's go to Tinder. Old school. We create a Tinder profile. Oh, what about black people meet? You like black girls? Is that the only one you want to date? One more. He likes all girls, but let's... Let's do black people meet. Black people meet?

Whatever. Do you have to be black to be on that site? That's racist. Google, do you have to be black? Why would I need you to help me find a black woman? This is fucking preposterous. This is like... Let me tell you something. This is white and Asian

explaining at its best. Do you have to be black to be... Anyone can join regardless of their ethnicity. People that want to meet black people. Right. Let's get you on there. Sign him up.

I want... Tinder because I want him to have white gay dates and black... Gay dates? No, we don't do gay dates. Wait, why not? That's not me. I'm sorry.

When you go on a gay date, you don't have to fuck them at the end. That's right. But we can still go on the date. No, we don't go on gay dates. Dude, listen to me right now. I don't like your fucking... I don't like your fucking... Fuckin' asshole.

If you go on a gay date... If you go on a gay date, that doesn't necessarily mean that you're gay. Correct. And it doesn't necessarily mean that we have to go... you're gonna go fuck the guy after the date. We're just gonna have dinner. You're gonna go on a fucking gay date, man.

Let's give reasons over why it's a good thing. He might pay. Okay. That's a good idea. You guys don't go to fucking shanty shacks. You're not going to Applebee's. You might go to a Michelin restaurant. No way.

They valet. They're not finding street fucking parking. They're valetting in a nice car. They open your door. They open your door, dude. I don't need my goddamn door open. Goddamn. Let me just say something right now.

I know when you open the door, the jump from the seat to the ground... Oh, that's coming. You feel good about yourself? Yeah. He does a little fucking step-by-step with his hands. You don't have to hurt your knees.

Come on. Okay. We gave you four good points. Over why. And here's the fifth good point. At the end of the night, you can say, you know, I had a really good time. I'd like to be dropped up in my house.

I'd like to know about your expectations. No nothing. Okay, give me the negatives over why you don't want to go on a gay date. Number one, I'm still not persuaded. Okay, but aside from that, give me the reasons why you would not go on a gay date. Because I'm not gay.

There's nothing like that. You don't use people like that. See, you're too used to it. Maybe I could ask you another question. We've gone plenty of gay dates. If I was an agent me. Of course. It wasn't just his work. And he and he goes to dinner with you. Hey, Doc. Doc, I'm a huge fan of your comedy. And I loved you. I was driving down

Pico and Western on the corner there. And I like I had a fucking green light. I just stopped. I stopped because I had to finish. I had to finish that joke. Anyway, I'm going to take your dinner and see what we want to sign you. Would you go to that dinner with an agent? With an agent? Agent. Or agent. No, yeah. A gay Asian agent. What's the difference between that? Because you said a date. This is not. All right. You're just talking about a date. What defines a date? A date is a date. All right. So what is called something else? Hey, Doc, you're going to just have dinner with a random gay guy. No, we're not doing it. That's not. That's done.

Why? Because I think it's like you are playing with the gay guy's livelihood. You know what I'm saying? You should never set a gay guy up like that. Because he thinks he's going to get a little black person ass, right? And at the end, you're like, you know, later, right? And so I see what I'm thinking. I still think you should do it. I got here's a date. I got three gay uncles and a gay cousin, right? What, then, have you ever gone to dinner with those guys? Yeah. No. Yeah. But that's family. Family's family. You're talking about how about we just say, here's you guys. This is you guys. You're going to have dinner with this random gay guy. He's your cousin. Might want to rub Cox and you don't know. We didn't

say that. We're not making a fire here. That's what a date is. That's what a date is. That's what a date is. It leads to rubbing cocks. Rubbing cocks. You think that's a what that's what gay people to bed. Pull your dick out. Yeah, I'm going to pull my dick out. Get a wrap. Just rub it together like it's a matchstick. But you understand what I'm saying. Yeah. What are you fucking talking about? That's a good time for those guys. But for me. That's not a good time for anybody. Imagine two guys just staring at each other, just rubbing cocks together. No hands. No hands. Yeah. Just smashing their boners against each other. And then the bomb walks in and she goes, why'd you learn that? Because we were listening

to bad friends. Here's the bottom line. You're going on a gait. Oh, here's what we do. We say he's from WME or something. We bait and switch. We bait and switch. It's going to be so easy to do. Hey, so you're going to have dinner with this agent from WME. Yeah. He's also your cousin. Is it blood? It's an agent and family. Right. He just happens to be gay. Would you have that dinner? No. Wow. See how crisp that was. Huge Hollywood agent. I mean, dinner just to have dinner? Yeah. That's his agent. Yeah. All right. I don't be lying. There we go. We're doing it. It's a date. But if I get there and he has any googly eyes or some shit, I'm going to be like, Bobby, what is that? You know

what googly eyes is. Googly eyes is that I want you. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. You know, honestly, explain your perfect date with a woman. Yeah. Explain the perfect date with a woman. Perfect date with a woman. Because this is some women out there that listen, there's going to be some women that want doc. Right. So doc, explain your perfect date with a woman. I don't know. I just feel like a perfect date. Five-actures abuse. Okay. Here's the thing. This is what I think a good day, great day with a woman. It's not so much as the place or wherever is the chemistry that we have when we get out there. All right. The way we talk, the way we kick it. Everything else is second. Like wherever you go, it don't

matter. Doc, we're going to ask you some questions. Okay. Here we go. Here we go. So let's just ask them some questions. Sure. Number one, this girl that you're going to date with, how old are you, doc? 47. 47, right? So she's. He's 50. I'm 50. So she's 35. Is that okay? Yep. She has a kid. Is that okay? Yeah. She smokes. Is that okay? She smokes two packs a day. No, I don't fuck with this. You don't like smokes? No. Because it takes away smokes, right? What about weed? No. Okay. So take that away. Any recreational drugs? No. Liquor? I don't really drink. Not if she's like one of them. You know what I mean? You're not going to dig Charles Bukowski. Some of it just has it on the weekend. Hunter S. Thompson. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

So no, no drugs, no alcohol. No drugs, fine. Tattoos? Tattoos is cool. Dogs, there ain't too many. What's too many? Yeah. Too many, you know, when they have it all on their face. Yeah. Have you ever dated someone tattoos? Yeah. She had tattoos. On her face? No. On her back right here. She had a one right here. Okay. Okay. What if she had one tattoo, but it was a Mark Furman? Just one tattoo, a big one on her back with Mark Furman. Just one. Mark Furman. Yeah, yeah. Mark Furman. This guy right here. Yeah, I know who Mark Furman is. You know what Mark Furman is, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Say him. Okay. Was that okay? No, I would. But you don't see it to you get naked. Yeah. His head is right by

her bush. But what if she had a tattoo of Rosa Parks? Would it be nicer? Uh huh. We'll change it to Rosa Parks. Wait, wait, it's a valid question. Well, where is she at on the bus? What? Where is she at on the bus? Is she in the back? She's in the back. Then you don't want that. You don't want that. It's a bad tattoo. Okay. So what if you took off the hottest girl in the world shirt and she had a swastika right on her shoulder? She's the hottest girl you've ever been with. You going for it? And a swastika. Big swastika right on her shoulder. No. You don't care? No. No, I don't have to go. What if it depends if she said, you know what? No, we hear this. I used to hate your kind, but I changed. You

know what I'm saying? They know it would be like your kind. What if she was like, fuck the racism out of me, Doc? No, because she might slip up and say the word in the bed and she'd be out in the streets. What do you care? Yeah, you got it. You're dogging a fucking doggy. What do you care? No, it's going to be protection. Jesus Christ. Run in the streets like that. Words. I didn't want to go here. What's your ideal woman? Yeah. Give us your ideal woman then. Because this is Doc's ideal woman and the girls out there, the Bad Friends fans that are out there that are hot. What's your age limit? I would say 30. 30. 30 is the youngest. 30 is the youngest. And the oldest. What's the oldest? The oldest is about 60.

Hell no. You don't like 60? What's wrong with 60? No. 55. I'll tell you why. Because I still kind of, in my mind, I still want to have children, so I'm looking at in between 43 and 30. So 30 and 43. Bad number, but okay. We should write this down. 30, 43, right? White or black, do you have any preference? They're writing it down. Okay. Okay, I get black. What's your preference? Black, Latina. So it goes in order. Black, Latino, Latinx. Latinx. Latinx. 3 is white or Asian. So it goes black. It's got really no order. It's just it is what it is. There's an order. Everyone has an order, right? So it goes black, Latino, Asian, then whites. So whites last? No, it's not last. What's last? What's last? I don't know

because I don't have a last. I don't understand. I'm a fucking all. I get it. I get it. I get it. We got the four. We got the four. It's a height. Does height matter? She can be no more than like 6'2", 6'3". She can be 6'3". Yeah, no more than that. You've seen a lot of 6'3 girls running around? I mean, if she what are you hanging out a fucking volleyball practice? Is she ready? Okay. That's so fucking funny. What's the shortest she can be? 4'9". I don't know. 4'9", 4'8". Okay, okay. So the gambit between 4'8 and 6'3". Pretty much any girl ever that's ever lived. I just told you. Alright, so 6'3". This is great. So 6'3". 4'8 and 6'3". Now, these are the religions. So you're okay if she's Christian. I'm okay with a lot of religions. Okay. She ain't satanic. Okay, so how about Scientology? Scientology is a little weird. You can keep going. Okay, so no Scientology. That's not all religions. Mormon. It's cool. Jewish? Cool. Mennonite. No, what's the same thing basically? Mennonite? That's a different style. What about Zoroastriism? Oh, Zoroastriism. What the

fuck is that? Come on. It's the first religion before. It's the beginning. It's the beginning. Zoroastriism. Yeah, Zoroastriism. Is that okay? I don't even know what the fuck there is. You don't know if put it down. Put it down. Yeah. What about FSM? What is that? Flying Spaghetti Monster. Do you know that religion? That's a real thing. That's a real thing. Alright, Flying Spaghetti Monster. I've heard of it. Look up FSM. No, no, no. Let's do the list. Let's do the list. Okay, so those are religions are fine. Let's go further, right? Social economic. Social economic status. She makes $8,000 a year. What's the lowest they can make? Yeah. For you. I don't really have no preference with them. Okay, so they can make no money a year and you're good. You're supportive. So she got to be one in the works. She can't just be a lazy. Because she might be in between jobs. You know how to shit it. Okay, so she has to have a job or be getting a job. She got to be somebody who's who. But do you have a discrimination against what job? I'm busy. What if she's in fast food? No strippers, no prostitutes. No strippers, no prostitutes. We call them sex workers over here. Let me ask you this. Remember when you ate tacos in Mexico? Yeah. Do they need to have all the limbs?

Wow. No, I'm asking. That's a real question. So do they if they're missing a leg? Okay. How many limbs can they be missing? They're looking for that. No, I know. But I'm just saying it would be okay for missing leg. How many limbs can they be missing? What's your limit? One, two limbs? This is fucking weirdest. This is all in the profile. How many limbs? We're all limbs and we can move on. All limbs? What is it? Is it all or nothing? Yeah, give me all limbs since I got all my. Let's do it like that. And that's what it's going to say. Give me all limbs because I gots all mine. Okay. Give me all limbs because I gots all mine. Okay, so how about now can we do this? Hair color preference? I don't like too much of that purple and all them colors. Oh, you're traditional. You want traditional natural hair. It don't matter, man. Whatever natural hair is purple. That's cool. I can hear the thing. I don't hate women who have their hair colored. This ain't no big deal. What about this? Do you fuck with redheads? Have you ever hooked up with a redheaded woman? Never. Never? Wait, in college I had one dad. I was, yeah. So you did have one? You did have one. Okay. So it would be weird if there's an Asian woman who's 4'8 and has natural red hair, but that's fine with you? It is what it is, Bob. Okay. And she has a Rosa Park tattoo on her back. In the back of the bus. Yeah, in the back. I gotta be attracted to her. All right. So I have another now. These most important questions now. We're talking about now personality disorders. Yeah. No. I can't get nobody normal. No, no. Everyone has something, right? So she, this girl, this woman. No, Bobby, everybody. Stop. Stop. Let me ask you a question. Okay. She has a little Tourette's.

Yeah. Yeah. And she doesn't swear words. Maybe she'll say like an animal. Cow. You know what I mean? Pig, pig, pig. Yeah. Bird, bird. Yeah. No Tourette's. No Tourette's. All right. I don't know, man. How about a little downs? Just a little. Like 10% downs. Nah, cause then I feel like I'm doing like a charity case now. I don't want to be. Nah, that's not. Yeah, you feel me. I feel you. Don't be like this. No, no, man. You know, yeah, don't be like this. I don't like all this discrimination, by the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think you should be open to all of it. At least I'm real. What if she's narcissistic? That's kind of everybody out here. Yeah. Narcissistic. Narcissistic? What a bipolar disorder. No, no, no. Narcissist. Okay. Multiple personality disorder. No. No. No bipolar. Well, you're friends with people with disorders. Yeah. We have disorders. What? Us? What do you have? So many things. I have 10% downs. You got what? 10% downs. I think it's 12. I think 12 won't find it down. Yeah, yeah. The point is we've acquired the list. Oh, by the way, piercings. Yeah, yeah. No piercings. Have you ever had titty piercings? No. Never? Never. You've never had down there piercings either? No. Bro, you don't know what you're missing, bud. I don't know. I don't see the point. We have one last question. Have you ever hooked up with a girl with a tongue ring? Nope. You're fucking missing it. We have one more category. I don't think it's sexy. How about this? I can see Santino in there. Their point of view, right? It's like even when I'm talking about disorders, that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about people's opinions. Uh-huh. Right? So Trump supporter. Like she was there January 6th. So was he? Oh, that's right. He stormed the Capitol. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You were there. What the fuck? They were standing on their shoulders to get into that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Or a gay Trump supporter was there. You don't care about the politics. You having a good time? Nah. Good. Oh, that's great. That's cool. What about she just has this weird thing? What if she was in the KKK and she got out? She's like I escaped. That's not me anymore. I mean, she changed. So why would I even …? Okay. But be careful because there could be a little bit of get out in there. Nah, we don't need to … She might be trapped. She might be trapped. She might be trapped. She might need to go on ahead and get the rest of that out before she… She accidentally, you found out she accidentally killed her kids, accidentally. Ooh, how did, what, she left them in the tub, didn't she? In the tub, she was down. They drowned. Yeah, they drowned.

But she went to court, there was a trial. Well, they said it was an accident. They ruled it an accident. They ruled it an accident. But you heard the story and it kind of, sounds weird. Sounds weird. If I, if I'm feeling like that, like it sounds kind of weird and I ain't done.

It's triplets, all three kids, they died. She was on the phone downstairs. All right, she had two previous husbands. I feel weird about it and I ain't gonna do it. But if I feel like, that's all right, I'm gonna go ahead and smash. You know what I mean? Okay, yeah, she had two previous husbands, right?

But they died in mysterious ways. Very mysterious. What, like, what is mysterious? One of them was an engineer for airplanes, right? Yeah. And somehow, some way, he got stuck in the bottom of the plane and it flew and dropped him from 30,000 feet.

But what would they have to do with her, though? Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. But the second husband. Right, a piano fell on his head. A piano fell on his head in New York City. What is this, the Lauren Hardy? Anyway, they both died very, you know,

they both went missing. They both went missing while she was with them. Yeah, they went missing. But she was never a suspect in either. She was with them. She was with the chanters. Of course she was. They're always, when they're the partner,

they're always a person of interest. But you've never seen a fucking murder mystery show before? They both disappeared on a lake. We think I got the word. Lakes, two times, lakes. Two times, they went fishing. They both disappeared on a lake, but she's never tried or convicted for it.

Two husbands disappeared at the lake. Boom, boom, boom. Back to back. Back to back. Was she there? Yeah. Yeah. I just won't be going on no lakes with her then.

That's a smart question. The problem is, she lives at Arrowhead Lake. So to go see her, she'd come up here to dinner. Right, but you say it on the lake. So don't let her go on the lake. She lives on the lake? Yeah, yeah. Her house is on the lake, yeah.

Oh, her house is on the sole. She's very rich. Okay, so would you go to the side of the lake? Like, you don't want to get in the lake. Yeah. But if you know that she, two husbands died in a lake, right? And she goes, let's go on the shoreline. The shoreline, would you go there?

I would always. God damn, this is awful. Would you go there? No, I probably wouldn't. You know what I would do? What you would do? Walk ahead of me. Yeah, you gotta walk in front.

Yeah, yeah. I like to be behind. That's how she killed her husband. She turned around and then shot him in some shit like that. Then threw him in that lake. Then you should bring a gun. Once she turns around, you fucking tackle it from behind.

Well, this is, this is even a good day for her. This is. Yeah, yeah. It was good because she tried to kill you. No, but you heard, but you heard. So two guys died, right? Husbands, right? Yeah.

But you heard from 10 people, she gives the best blow jobs. On earth. On earth. Only on that shoreline. Okay. Right, so you're walking, like, I don't want to die, but also I want to get the best blow job on earth.

She says to you, you know, I only kind of suck dick at the shoreline. Yeah. I won't do it in the house, at the bedroom, in the car. Like, it's just not for me. I want to be outside by the shore. She sounds like a setup. I don't feel that.

No, I'd say that. That sounds kind of hot. It feels hot. I feel a little bit in your voice. Have you ever gotten a blow job by the shoreline? No. Okay, well then. Yeah, there you go.

That's on you. It's on you, bub. Yeah, yeah. But what? Have you ever got a blow job on a shoreline? Yes, yes. Yeah, everywhere. Yes.

Rollercoaster everywhere. Well, okay. Yeah. Easy, let's just not easy. And you know what? We didn't go on one of those dates before, and we just did it. Yeah, yeah.

All right, so we have the profile. We're going to set it up. Yeah, we're going to set it up. That's amazing. Exciting. No wonder this is there. This is going to be on Tinder. Hilarious.

Okay. It's got to exist. Andre, so we're good with all that? Of course. We have someone was commenting, someone that you guys really like, was commenting on the vignette versus montage thing. Who is it that we like?

It's someone who Bobby will have a huge respect for. Ooh. And he commented on it and they call it a vignette. It was like, oh, you cock sucker. You yourself call it a vignette. You cock sucker. We talked about up on the Christmas episode. Let's tell, let's hear it.

Oh, I can't wait. Dude, that, I can't even watch that vignette. Balling. It makes me so emotional. Balling. Yeah, they should end the movie there. Take it back. All right, go back.

I can't even watch that. What? Turn it the fuck up. Oh, dude, that, I can't even watch that vignette. Balling. It makes me so emotional. I guess not. I can't even watch that vignette.

Oh my God, I feel so fucking good. The steroids are kicking in. Thank you for being a bad friend. Oh my God. Fuck. Woo. Yeah. Woo.

Yeah. Woo. Yeah. Woo. Woo.