Bad Friends - Dimorphous Expression w/ Are You Garbage?

Episode Date: October 6, 2025

Get MORE Bad Friends at our Patreon!! https://www.patreon.com/c/badfriends Thank you to our Sponsors: SimpliSafe, Kachava, Zocdoc, ShipStation & Cash App • SimpliSafe: now, our listeners can save ...50% on a SimpliSafe home security system at https://SimpliSafe.com/BADFRIENDS. • Kachava: Go to https://kachava.com and use code BADFRIENDS for 15% off your next order. • Zocdoc: Stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to https://Zocdoc.com/BADFRIENDS to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. • ShipStation: Upgrade to ShipStation today to get a sixty-day free trial at https://www.shipstation.com/badfriends. • Cash App: Download Cash App* Today: https://capl.onelink.me/vFut/hhm54e0a #CashAppPod YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube Audio Subscribe: https://apple.co/31Jsvr2 Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com 0:00 Triangle of Face Sadness 5:00 Captain Beefheart 10:00 Bombing In Front of Celebrities 15:00 3 Cartwheels 20:00 You Forgot My Birthday? 25:00 Hurricane Hook Ups 30:00 We're Getting Raptured 35:00 Dimorphous Expression 40:00 Pier 11 45:00 Are You Garbage? 50:00 Small Piece 55:00 Denied at Dixie 1:00:00 Bottom Bunk Guy 1:05:00 Bad Gigs 1:10:00 Playing the Field 1:15:00 Finding Our Biological Parents More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbylee.live More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Fancy SOS VHS: https://www.youtube.com/@7EQUIS Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fancyb.1 More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ *As a Cash App partner, I may earn a commission when you sign up for a Cash App account. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App’s bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. Visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures. Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: 7EQUIS https://www.7equis.com/ Podcast Producer: Andrés Rosende This video contains paid promotion. #bobbylee #andrewsantino #badfriends #sponsored #ad Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:33 I'm going to be in San Francisco at the punchline at the end of October, Halloween weekend. Then I'm in Brea. Brea, come out and see me, Brea, California, November. Tempe Improv, returning to Arizona State. I'm in Hammond, Indiana, and November around Thanksgiving. Windsor, Ontario, Canada, Bethlehem, PA, Hanover, Maryland, Atlantic City, New Jersey. And then Valley Center with the Harrah's down there in Southern California by San Diego. And then also Canyonville, Oregon, in Philadelphia.
Starting point is 00:01:00 February. And then finally, win casino. I'm at the win in Las Vegas in March. Come see me at the win in Las Vegas, baby. Andrew Santino.com for those tickets. Andrew Santino.com. You two are bad friends. You two are bad friends. I went to the doctor last night. I know what happened though? Two nights ago. Well, I saw a close up. Is there a wife beating you? Are you okay? Blink twice? Of all people that talk about their wife beating them You're the biggest I've ever met You're king, you're king, you get pegged every night Because I want to No That's what they all say It's sexual assault every night, dude
Starting point is 00:01:44 No, you know what it is? A tear So we guessed what this was in my eye My eye got worse It's called blephoritis Blethoritis How do you get it? Infection of the gland within the eye
Starting point is 00:01:54 Could have been like dirt or whatever got up in my eye Yeah And then Bobby touched you Bob I touched you He's on one today You want to fight today? Yeah, I did I miss it
Starting point is 00:02:03 Yeah He said something to me earlier I had to physically assault him What do you say? It was something about Ah Yeah, yeah You got a lot of nerve, dude
Starting point is 00:02:10 You got a lot of nerve, dude I went into the urgent care Urgent care took no less than two and a half three hours To even get in And the woman gets in and goes Who poked you in the eye Really?
Starting point is 00:02:20 And I said life And she goes Oh, that's a good one And she goes, this looks infected It actually looks pretty bad We should get this Medicaid Here this is the worst part
Starting point is 00:02:28 when you go to a doctor. She goes, we're going to get you eyedrops. You have to do two every four hours, two in your eye, right? And antibiotics, just general amoxicillin or whatever. I go, great, we should knock it right out, right? Like, I've had styes or whatever before. She goes, yeah, we don't want it to spread. And I was like, why would you say that? She's like, well, if it spreads, it can go to your brain. Whoa. And you can die. Whoa! You know what they say, too? This triangle of your face, when you get acne, and if you pop it, you could die too.
Starting point is 00:02:58 What? Yeah. Where? It's called The Triangle of Face Sadness. Oh, I just saw that movie. Yeah, no, I'm saying that they're saying that if you pop the shit. Who is they?
Starting point is 00:03:09 They? The internet, dude. Yeah, the internet. Yeah, my doctor read it. Dr. Reddit said this. No. What is the danger? What would I just say?
Starting point is 00:03:15 Danger Triangle face. You shouldn't pop up people on the danger triangle on your nose. Oh, my nose. Why? Why is it so dangerous? Think of the small segment of your face as the direct line to your brain. So through the sinus, blood's drained from your brain. In infection.
Starting point is 00:03:28 in a danger triangle, like pick from a pimple, nose piercing gone wrong, possibility of a facial infection to become an infection that impacts the rest of your body. Can it really kill you? Don't panic.
Starting point is 00:03:39 You're probably not going to die from pop it to pimble on your nose, but technically speaking, it's impossible. It's possible. It's possible technically. You could get a brain abscess, brain infection.
Starting point is 00:03:50 Wow, this is real. Okay, so this thing in my eye, though, she was like, yeah, no, it's okay. But I mean, you know, if it spreads to your brain, you could die. And I was like, what? What? Why would you say that?
Starting point is 00:03:59 Well, the possibilities. I didn't want to know. Doctors aren't supposed to give you the possibilities. Yeah. Really? Yeah, I'm the doctor. Yeah. Hey, Dr. Lee, yes?
Starting point is 00:04:09 Edel. Hmm. Your eye, we looked at your eye. Yeah, what happened with my eye? You could die. My eye, I could die? You could also go blind. From blephoritis.
Starting point is 00:04:18 Yeah. Freddie Mercury? That's what he had? Yeah, he had some thing in his eye. Really? Yeah. Why did I go to a doctor behind this gas station? Listen to me.
Starting point is 00:04:26 I'm a doctor. Okay. All right. You're Mr. Doctor. Chevron. Oh, Dr. Chevron.
Starting point is 00:04:30 Yeah, welcome to my Chevron station. You know what? Sheffron. Office. Oh, thank you. What race do you think that was? Sudanese. No?
Starting point is 00:04:40 What do you think? Bangladesh. Yeah, East Ethiopia. Oh, East. I was doing East Ethiopia, dude. Yeah, yeah. Look up gas station robberies now in Shrem and Oaks. Big thing in the valley here, they're robbing people at gas stations.
Starting point is 00:04:52 I'm not going anymore. I'm not getting gas. I'm just running out and then I call AAA. They gun by. butted that guy. Some guy had like a Rolex or something on and they gun butted him. Then it just happened another week ago. Some guy, he got out of his car, gun butted him. They're just robbing people at gas station. What's a gun butt? What's a gun butt? Yeah. They hit that, they hit you in the face with it. Oh, the butt of the gun. And let me say this to a thief. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:18 Just shoot me. Don't gun butt me in the head. I don't want to fucking just kill me. Shoot me, baby. Are gun butts? knock you out. The butt of a gun is heavy. They're hitting you in the face with a gun. And what are they taking? Your car? Anything.
Starting point is 00:05:31 They've taken car, jewelry, clothes, cash. Close. They left a man naked and Van Nuys. That's why when I pump gas? Don't pump gas. I have a lighter. You do. And I have the fucking thing, dude, right?
Starting point is 00:05:43 Gun butt me, dude. Right? Vietnam monk. Remember those Buddhist months of Vietnam? That's what's going to happen. Yeah, light the whole place on. You're going to be lit on fire, dog. And also, there's nothing to steal except for my wallet.
Starting point is 00:05:55 Yeah, that's what I'm saying. your car they can steal your car that's bobby gun butt me dog yeah yeah i'm also dude you know it's so awful what if that was an accident he was just trying to get gas for that guy's car that ran out yeah gas fuck you know my question is is that like you know why they did that it was well it was a peaceful protest right no they're protesting the oppressive sagon regime it's a protest right whatever happened to make just making a sign yeah you know what i mean like protest that's a little too far from me Make a sign.
Starting point is 00:06:26 Yeah, yeah. Like stop Buddhist hate. That'd be me. All the people are lighting their selves off fire. I stopped Buddhist hate right here with the side. Like that's, don't you think that's extreme? That's extreme? Yeah, yeah, dude, a little bit.
Starting point is 00:06:39 The guy lit himself on fire. Like, I'm a Vietnamese monk. You're Vietnamese monk, right? Yeah. And I go, we got to oppress this. We have to sign. What do you think we should do, Tony? Yell in the street.
Starting point is 00:06:49 No, no, that's too. That's not going to do not much. Okay. What else do you think we should do? Get our friends together to bond together To create the community of people I have an idea We shall last half a fire
Starting point is 00:07:01 No No Extreme forms of protesting Cup is violent tactics Terrorism Welfare Vandalism Extreme nonviolent Great album cover though Rage Against the Machine
Starting point is 00:07:11 That was one of the greatest Great album They got a lot of flack for that Didn't they get a lot of flack for that? Album covers that got flack You know what? Interesting topic Because McCone You and I were talking the other day
Starting point is 00:07:22 about Push-a-Tee's famous album with a picture of Whitney Houston's dying hotel room. Daytona. Did you ever see this? No, I want to see it. They had a photo on the cover of this wonderful album by Push-A-T, and that is the photograph of Whitney Houston's hotel room when she was found dead. Oh, my God, dude. And there's bottles of whiskey and vodka, and then whenever there's tinfoil, you know,
Starting point is 00:07:48 tinfoil is no good. Why? People smoke crack out of tinfoil. I put my bubble gum in there You do Yeah don't make a You know what Andrew Don't make assumptions
Starting point is 00:07:58 You're right I'm a bit of The tinfo is there for various reasons You said I was a good detective Oh yeah yeah yeah Oh yeah yeah Oh the Beatles yesterday and today Right another controversial
Starting point is 00:08:06 album cover Do you know why this was controversial Because there's baby's heads and stuff No because look who's in the back It's three in the front And one in the back Uh Little rude
Starting point is 00:08:17 A little rude Very odd to put him in the back By the way Yeah Why'd they do that? Aesthetics, composition. Asthetes, composition. What's your favorite album?
Starting point is 00:08:27 Astetis composition. Astetis composition. What's my favorite album of all time? No album cover. Oh. I'll tell you mine. Go. Captain Beavehart, Trout Mask, Replica.
Starting point is 00:08:42 Look it up, dude. Captain Beefheart, Trout Mask, Replica. Yeah. Sounds like one of those mad libs. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's pretty cool. I love that one. That's good.
Starting point is 00:08:57 I was going to give you something like blood sugar sex magic. Okay. I think I like blood sugar sex magic from chili pepper so much because it was also like a time in my youth. It was like something about the time of like the sexiness of the album cover. I don't know why I liked it so much as a kid, but I love that. It's like, they're all tongue licking of like, I don't know why I thought that was badass. No, I liked Mother's Milk.
Starting point is 00:09:22 because there was a titty on it. That one was great too. Same thing, another chili peppers. Yeah, dude. That was a poster. You go over to some kid's house named Ryan and he was like, see my new fucking poster, dude.
Starting point is 00:09:37 My mom's flivid about it, dude. My dad was like, hang it up. Could I tell you what just happened with me and Anthony Kitas? Yeah. So I've never talked about this, though. For some reason, this is 20 years ago. Chris Rock was in the main room
Starting point is 00:09:53 and Kitas saw me and then Kitas came up to me and goes oh you're really funny this and that right so then Kitas would go around town just to watch my sets right? Like following you? Yeah Same night or many nights? No just throughout the months. Wow. We're being very friendly
Starting point is 00:10:11 I got his number the whole thing right and then on the other sudden one day I do this show at El Cid. I used to love El Cid right yeah he brought the whole land out there to come see you yeah wow they're in the front row i bombed so hard is that there is that no this is a way years later i bombed so hard that he didn't talk to me for like 10 years after that right i'm not kidding you it was night and day like i ate it that hard no way oh no it was i still remember the show i remember their faces there was nothing i could do i didn't have the
Starting point is 00:10:46 skill set to dig me out of this hole okay yeah and then he just recently goes because He has a music observatory thing that he does with Flee. Yeah. And they do a yearly benefit show. And they asked me to host it. I can't because of Irvine. And I almost canceled Irvine to do it. Would you?
Starting point is 00:11:08 No. Host a benefit show? Yeah. You're going to tank at that too. He's going to see you tank 20 years ever. Benefit shows suck. You're right. That's so hard to do well at.
Starting point is 00:11:16 Yeah. Because people are kind of uncomfortable and they're there like and they're stiff and they're dressed up. It's not like a relaxed atmosphere. I mean, we like doing benefits, but stand-up, no. I'd rather just show up, give you money, and be a part of the thing. Yeah, but you would have done it if you didn't have something to do. I don't know, man.
Starting point is 00:11:31 I don't like doing those things. You bomb hard. You eat shit at those things. Nobody wants stand-up at a benefit. They're like, we're raising money for sick kids who have cancer of the brain. Ladies and gentlemen, Bobby Lee. It's fucking impossible to do well. You bomb.
Starting point is 00:11:46 I just, it's bad. What's your opening line? What's up, everybody? what's eating you God, dude. Let me tell you guys what's on my mind. Step right on that.
Starting point is 00:12:00 Step right on it. What was it? I said, I want to tell you guys what's on my mind. God. Oh, fuck. After every punch on,
Starting point is 00:12:10 I go, think about it. Think about it. Yeah, yeah. All right. Rain it in. That's raining it. By the way, after you ate shit, he made stadium arcadium.
Starting point is 00:12:19 So was that your, fault. Right. Sorry, dude. Have you ever bomb in front of someone that you didn't want to bomb in front of? Famous people? Yeah. I mean, I bombed in front of rock pretty horrifically at the store in the OR and I think from that he's never really
Starting point is 00:12:33 taken me serious because he sat in the bucket seats. He was staying at the hotel nearby, came over. Sometimes he stays in L.A. and just doesn't do a spot. Yeah, he'll just come by. He's so nice. He was in the bucket seats and he watched me, I mean, torrential. It was like, It was so fucking bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:52 And I brought on Fahim or someone afterwards, and I'm sure Fahim fucking crushed because he always does. And I just was working out new shit in the OR. And it was late night, dude. Wait, did you know he was there? I saw him. So before you knew he was there?
Starting point is 00:13:04 Yeah, it drove me nuts. No, no, this is what you do then, dude. He sat down and I was like, fuck. Then you go, I have to kill. Don't do the new stuff. I have to kill. It was 1145. It was like a late spot, and I was like, fuck it.
Starting point is 00:13:15 I was just trying new shit. Bobby, are there famous people? every time you perform. What do you mean? Is that way you don't do new material? Oh, this guy. Okay. Is he looking for a fight, dude?
Starting point is 00:13:27 Yeah. Give it to him. No. Give it to him. I have some things I could say about it. Say it. No, I don't know. It's dark stuff.
Starting point is 00:13:35 I know some dark stuff. And I'm not going to do it. Because you like to go personal. Yeah, he really does. I have so many new jokes. I know. It is good. I told you that last time you left.
Starting point is 00:13:45 Why would you say the joke? Because you didn't roll down the window or acknowledge me. me. My point being is this, okay, that I'm doing everything I can to come out with new stuff and taking risks on stage. And for McCone to say that joke again, it's really hurtful and rude. You're talking to one of the top 25 working comics today, okay? I just, top of 200. Top of 25. Thousand. Yeah, we saw this whole thing. And let me clear the air real fast. Let me say something genuine about this. Theo Vaughn is someone we've known for a long, long time. I can't right now. I just want to say my piece
Starting point is 00:14:20 I hope he's okay I just texted he texted me yesterday I know I texted him too but I'm saying like I texted him that doesn't mean shit he's going through something very deep on stage you know that clip is gross
Starting point is 00:14:30 of him saying I'm trying not to take my own life and I think people think that was like a bit and I he's really in a dark place so I we wish him the the greatest and I was texting with a lot of other comics because I think it's a yeah I know there's a comedy show I just I'll wrap it up real fast I'm just saying I think people don't know
Starting point is 00:14:46 I know I think people don't know that we some of us suffer from actual real clinical shit and I have I have clinical depression I have very dark days you guys we guys have lived through my shit he's got it very bad I'm sorry but I think fucking people just think you're a clown and you're like you're not a human well he's a fucking human so my heart goes out to the guy because I know he's struggling a lot so we love him I really do oh sorry sorry to be fucking honest for three seconds on the show what do you know what do you want to do another Filipino accent? Huh? East Ethiopian is every day. Welcome to Chevro. Whatever. My Chevro. I'll just say my, okay, so we, the reason why I love Theo so much is that I have the same exact
Starting point is 00:15:37 sensitivities and vulnerabilities as he has. We have the same kind of issues. Yeah. Mentally, you know. and when I saw that clip it was heartbreaking it was so heartbreaking because I understood where you was at and I reached out to him and all I can do is a friend is say I'm here 24-7 I'm just available
Starting point is 00:16:03 and I'm really concerned for him I mean he you know he seems to be fine but I'm still very concerned for him yeah yeah it's a it's a very difficult thing to to survive mental health issues in this kind of environment because it's so fucking hostile out there.
Starting point is 00:16:22 Particularly when it's wrapped in fame and success. I know people are like, cry me a river rich guy, but like he's very successful and he's so famous and that does a thing to you. It's like inundation of attention. And so it really distorts your sensibility sometimes
Starting point is 00:16:36 when you're as, you know, kind of popular and wanted and everyone's around you and they want something. He needs something. And I don't think people understand that And they never, and that's okay. Also, people don't understand that he is such a kind, soft, sensitive kind of a guy.
Starting point is 00:16:51 Yeah, he has to put, but we all put on that. He's so mindful about his feelings and about people around him. He's just a, I just care so much about him. And you read things about your friends and you just want to say, you got it wrong, buddy, you know? It's like not him. Yeah. And it's like, people say things about me. me, you, this and that, and I get it, you know, it's, and it's just a double-ed sword.
Starting point is 00:17:18 Yeah, and you love swords. I love swords, yes. You're a big sword? I'm a sword guy, katanas especially. I did get on a big kick of watching Japanese guys sharpen swords enough to drop a blade through a pineapple. I sat for hours on the internet watching this guy sharpen a blade so he could drop it clean through a pineapple.
Starting point is 00:17:35 Okay, I feel like I can do that. No, you fucking can't. Drop a sword onto a pineapple? Patience. You have the patience to shave that to a, fine point. You do not have that. What do you mean even by you saying this? He literally would hold the handle and hold the blade and then drop the blade and hold the handle
Starting point is 00:17:49 with his fingertips. You can edit. He doesn't edit. You can edit. You can do it 10,000 times until you get it. I can do a cartwheel. I could do a cartwheel. Bicycle. Do one. What is a cartwheel? Show me and I'll do it. Entrance on Letterman. Do it. That's one of my favorite entrances of all time. Chris Farley, everybody. Look at him. Yeah. Yes. Look at how perfect. It's so... Yeah, I can't do it that one. That was insane. By the way, he tried to do three. Watch, go back. Yeah, he bailed on the third.
Starting point is 00:18:20 Yeah. God, this guy was the king of fucking comedy. Go all the way back. Go all the way back. Go all the way back. So we can see it from Fresh. One, two, watch go three. And then he's like, oh, shit. God, Farley's the man. Oh, my God, dude. He was so good. I know. He was so good. Going over to Spade's House and seeing that jacket, the fat guy in a little coach, jacket. And then he falls off the back of the chair. I mean, that jacket I told Spade,
Starting point is 00:18:47 I was like, I know you'd never sell that. But I mean, good God, I'd pay so much money. If he was still alive, we would probably know him. Do you think or no? I don't know if you'd know us, but I mean, if he was still alive, he'd be the most famous comedian in the world. Yeah. I mean, you would still probably, he could be at Spade's House one day and you could say hi. Yeah, that's how we could see him at Spade's House. But also, he probably wouldn't. Yeah. What? I don't know. I just, you know. When you're in that, what he was, as big as he was, and as much as he was in it, it was almost like, what's the other side of that look like when he gets clean?
Starting point is 00:19:18 You know, you probably go away from comedy. You get clean and you level out. Right. Because it was so much. He'd be on the Olympic, no? 100%. Yeah, yeah. You and him would be doing Oz commercials together.
Starting point is 00:19:30 Oh, Zem. Good. Look at the lineup. Tommy Boy, Beverly Hills Ninja, Black Sheep, Cone heads, almost heroes, Wayne's World, Airheads, Wayne's World, too. God, dude, the guy was literally just getting started. And, as we know, Shrek. The original voice of Shrek, we talked about it on the show before.
Starting point is 00:19:44 Oh, so he didn't do, because at one point, you tried to go serious. He didn't do it like a serious role. No, the only role that he... Eventually, he would have, you know what I mean? Totally. Like, the whale too. Super whale. The blue whale.
Starting point is 00:20:03 What? Okay. God rest of dead. I'm sorry, that was mean. God. What? Too soon? No, it was good.
Starting point is 00:20:11 Okay. But even like John Candy did JFK, and he was great in that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what I'm saying. John Candy showed moments of brilliance in every comedic role, but he did serious stuff all the time. The difference was Farley had soft and fun, sweet moments, nothing like Candy. Candy and Uncle Buck, Candy in Plains Trains, Candy and fucking, Candy in Home Alone. Dude, the guy, he showed moments of, like, unbelievable, cool runnings, a movie that was such a wacky. He was sweet in that.
Starting point is 00:20:42 Yeah. One of the greatest. One of the greatest. One of the greatest. Him, John Candy, John Goodman to me, when as a kid, were two, like, the coolest funny guys. And Goodman wasn't your traditional comedic actor, but he was so funny. Yeah. Like, King Ralph is one of the best movies I think I've ever seen. Conceptually, I don't know why we haven't done that again.
Starting point is 00:21:02 Why haven't we done King Ralph again where a fucking regular Midwest, like, blue-collar guy inherits the keys to the royal kingdom? Isn't that a genius concept? Your great uncle left you the keys to the kingdom. Yeah. Is that not even listed on his filmography? King Ralph. I remember as a kid watching Stripes. I know he wasn't in that.
Starting point is 00:21:23 I fucking love Straps. But those movies. This movie was so good. Which one? King Ralph. I never saw King Ralph. Oh, dude, it's so fucking good. Who's in it?
Starting point is 00:21:34 John Goodman. What? John Goodman, Peter. How did we go from Candy to Goodman? I said these two guys were kind of comedic heroes when I was a kid. I didn't see that trying to listen to a word I'm saying I was trying to I'll take can I tell you why I'll tell you what just happened you disconnected I just not only did disconnect somebody picked up the phone and the internet cut out yeah mom I'm on the
Starting point is 00:21:53 fucking no I was trying to think of the movie Stripes so while you were talking about the whole thing about Goodman I was like not even listening I was like what is that movie you never listen to me of course I do we go bang bang boom bang bang when's my birthday October 6th No. Don't look at your phone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not October 6th? No.
Starting point is 00:22:16 It's got to be October 6th, dude. It's not. October 16th, fuck! 10 days, but I knew it was 6. Yeah, that was true. October 16th. Are you upset? I didn't know?
Starting point is 00:22:25 Yeah. Simply safe. Oh, my God. Safe is real security that stops crime before it starts. So you gave me Simply safe. I did. We helped you install it in the house. You installed it, right?
Starting point is 00:22:36 And I have a couple of Filipinos living at the house. You have too many Filipinos. And seven animals, right? And now I feel completely safe. Because you're, you guys, you got to know, if you want to trust something, you got to trust simply safe to keep your home, family property, whatever it is, important, safe. That's why you need simply safe. Like Bobby, he's got cameras, he's got monitors now, he's got motion detectors.
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Starting point is 00:23:54 I'm telling you, Kachava has changed Bobby's life because it is delicious. I love it. And two scoops, you get so much more than you could ever get from any of that other crap you're putting in your body. Energy drinks are a drain. Stop consuming them. Okay, you can try Kachava risk-free with their love at guarantee. There's thousands of reviews that agree. If you're thinking about adding more plant-based protein to your diet,
Starting point is 00:24:17 this is a fantastic way to nourish your body. You can try Kachava risk-free, which is the best part about it. And Bobby got me into it because I am not a fan of artificial flavors. I hate them, okay? Or colors or sweeteners. I don't like GMO. Get it out of here. No soy, no animal, no gluten, and no preservatives.
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Starting point is 00:25:13 You know, I've used Zock, which is a big thing for me because I moved to a new neighborhood. I told you this, and now even more than ever had to go back to a doctor, had to get my eyeball checked out, make sure my statin levels were good, and you can filter on specific preferences. You know, if you're looking for a male doctor, if you look for a female doctor. You're looking for a tall doctor. They don't have that. But everything else, all right. And you can even find the same day opening if they have it. Once you find the right doctor, doctor, you can actually see their appointments right in front of your face. So how do they get Zock, Doc. Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to Zock.com slash bad friends to find
Starting point is 00:25:43 and instantly book a top-ready doctor today. That's Zoc, doc.com slash bad friends. Let's take old movies like that and see some of the new comics that could fill those shoes. Okay. It's very injured. Three amigos. Oh, my God. Me, you. No. Okay, you're right.
Starting point is 00:26:04 I mean, it wouldn't... I'd like to put us in something because I can't get any work. I know me either. But I get some fucking work. But they would... Imagine a studio. You and I could do Plains Strange Automobiles
Starting point is 00:26:14 and it would be fucking amazing. That'd be amazing. I mean, how much more am I Steve Martin to his John Candy? I mean, genuinely. Yeah. We'd have to get you off the Azempic though. I'd have the game weight.
Starting point is 00:26:23 You'd have a game wait to make it funny. But don't think your studio would be like, okay, three amigos. Let's go to Sedecas first. Let's go to these kind of people first or no. Yeah, but that's fucking boring. I know that's not a shot at him. That's what they would do.
Starting point is 00:26:33 Give me someone. We're making our world. Now, I'm just saying, from a studio. What are you, a studio exec now? Yeah, from a studio exhibit, I would be like, Santino or Sadecas, probably Sadecas. All right, let me say this. Our ecosystem, our ecosystem that we're talking about.
Starting point is 00:26:45 You have friends that we know. All right, so here we go. Three amigos. Well, you're obviously the, you're obviously the Chevy Chase part and fucking three. I mean, that would, what I would want. Yeah. Who's Steve Martin then? Steve Martin would be.
Starting point is 00:26:57 Nate Bergotsie Perfect Yeah And then you are Little Nettie Needelander No There's no way They would pick me
Starting point is 00:27:04 It's for us Who are you talking about We're casting this move No no I'm going to be the bargattender Freddy asparagus is part Freddy Spargas Yeah
Starting point is 00:27:12 Yeah smile Yeah smile Who would be Who would be little Nettie Nettolander Oh yeah Who would be that Martin Short
Starting point is 00:27:21 Nettie Nettelander Who would be him I want to be Dusty Bottom So bad That's a tough That's a tough And who would be
Starting point is 00:27:27 Patrice Martinez, the one of the, the first girl that he falls in love with, that Steve falls in love with. Who would be her? Oh, shit. Uh, In Angela Johnson. Angela Johnson. No, I'm trying to think of a, yeah, it's got to be like, uh, who's the most famous, uh, Latino comedian? Angela Johnson. Oh, Sophia Nino di Rivera. What? Annabelle Ferreira. I mean, I don't know any of these. I mean, fancy, shouldn't you know? Sophia Nino de Rivera Shut up It's so annoying Wow
Starting point is 00:28:01 Yeah You'll be her Have her on the show Hey is this hurricane Gonna hit Florida Or is this bullshit Let's fucking Dude more hurricanes
Starting point is 00:28:09 Remember that When we were kids I feel like it happened All the time Hurricane What is that Imelda Forecasters are monitoring
Starting point is 00:28:15 Hurricane Imelda Which is Am I saying that right Imelda Why do you think They name it names Like that And it goes
Starting point is 00:28:22 In alphabetical order Hurricanes are given names to improve public and professional communication making storms easier to identify track and discuss, especially when multiple storms are active. Right, because they've got, sometimes there's three hurricanes going on at the same time. I like when they combined. Oh, when they hook up. Oh, that's my favorite. When they hook up. Yeah, yeah. When they don't know and then when they combine, they're bigger. They're a hurro orgy. Yeah, yeah. A little hoorgy. That's a movie where like six come into one. Or you have two natural events happen. Earthquake and. So two hurricanes that meet,
Starting point is 00:28:50 You know, and then an earthquake in the ocean. Love. Which causes a tsunami. It just happens, right? And there's a tornado sweeping through the Midwest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fires on the West Coast. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:02 And then it just happens at one place. And then we all die. No, just it'll happen in a... Oh, okay. Rapture. Rapture. Oh, yeah, what happened to the rapture? What happened to the rapture?
Starting point is 00:29:13 What happened to the rapture? Excuse me. Yeah. Excuse me. What happened, though? Did anyone... It said it's back on. Was anyone raptured?
Starting point is 00:29:21 Here's a new date that Christians believe in. Oh, there's a new one? They got the wrong day. Wait, it was two weeks ago, right? Yeah, what day was the rapture? I don't know. It was a Tuesday, I think.
Starting point is 00:29:29 Well, let's see. Go down. Let's see. Rapture 2025 prophecy may be expected to occur on the 23rd to 24th of September. That's right. Didn't happen.
Starting point is 00:29:35 Failed to materialize. Yeah. And anti-climax led to dismiss it a long light of unfulfilled doomsday claims. However, some believers say, it's still coming. South African pastor Joshua Michaela. Who has been, well, I mean,
Starting point is 00:29:48 that's, I didn't need to, Joshua Michaela. I don't know how to say it. It's like Mahakela. You know what I did on the 23rd? I was waiting for the rapture. I was in my backyard completely naked. Do you know why I was naked?
Starting point is 00:29:59 Why? Because when you have your clothes on, it leaves where you left. I want that to be a mystery. Right. Where's Bobby? I don't want them to know where I, you know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:30:10 I feel like if I was raptured, no one would believe it. I mean, people would think, Bob, you're on one. People are like, he relapsed. He's on one. Yeah, yeah. I don't think that like if people were,
Starting point is 00:30:19 Right? And how stupid would I be? I bet you guys don't get it. He was raptured. They're like, okay, dude, where is he? Yeah, yeah. I mean, if you were a raptured, do you think people would believe it? For sure. I'm rapturable, too. I don't think you're rapturable, dude. Come on, dude. I keep tempting the rapture. I think, yeah, yeah. I mean, who would, I don't know, dude. I'm not rapturable. I don't think so. If I'm not rapturable, you're not rapturable. Well, you're, okay, fine. A person raptured is according to some Christian beliefs when they're a true believer in Jesus Christ.
Starting point is 00:30:45 Okay, that, that's, I believe in Jesus. You do. No, you don't. Oh, damn it! Is that the prerequisite? Say it again? Is that the prerequisite? I love that. And you did it good on that second one.
Starting point is 00:30:58 Is that not how he said? That is a prerequisite to being raptured. You must believe. But, okay, what if I have all the other ones except for that one? Well, you've got to talk to the guy. Imagine he gets up to fuck. You know what I mean? He gets up.
Starting point is 00:31:11 What are the conditions about rapture? Do you have that? I think it's just that. You got to believe. That's the only thing. That's it. You got to accept Jesus Christ as your own. Lord and Savior and your heart. I just did it. Seriously? Yeah, I just did it, dude. Well, you're
Starting point is 00:31:22 gonna get raptured. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. I don't think you believe that. Oh, wait, no, there's a few. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, hold on, but imagine we all get raptured and we're waiting in line and and Jesus is like, why's Bobby naked? We all have clothes on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just like, I'm just like, and one of the apostles is like, that's a bit he does from his show. And he's like, Jesus, he's going to give you a pub shot when he gets here. Receive Jesus Christ. You receive the fundamental steps to believing in Jesus Christ, accept him as your Lord and Savior, and repent for your sins. Read and study the Bible. No, you don't. Pray and confess. You do. Live a faithful life.
Starting point is 00:32:01 You do. Join a healthy church. You don't. Be patient and endure. You do. Is that it? Just six. Yeah. No. Yeah. So understand the event. No, it's coming. So we got to get you to a church is really what it is. Now, so you, do you pray and repent? I pray, too. Yeah, I pray a lot. Yeah, pray for people. Yeah. I pray for the show that fancy gets replaced. What else do you do? I've never seen you go to church. You don't talk to God? I've never seen you go to a church every Sunday. What do you mean, I do? I go to church every Sunday mornings. Do you really go to church every Sunday morning? Have I missed, how many Sundays have I missed, McCone? McCone knows. I mean, none. Sometimes he comes and watches the dog. Are you kidding me, dude?
Starting point is 00:32:44 You go to church every Sunday? What do you... Okay, okay, stop. Not if we're on the road. Stop, stop for a second. Yeah, we can't on the road, because I don't want to go... Stop, stop for a second.
Starting point is 00:32:53 Okay. May I speak? Please. Okay. That says a lot about our relationship. Why? Because you've never invited me. You don't want me to be saved.
Starting point is 00:33:06 Do you know churches at 8 a.m., right? It doesn't matter. You don't want, at least one time, like, hey, bud, you want to go? Do you think you could get up at 8 to go to church, for real? Genuinely. I go up on Sunday mornings and I go to Third and Gardner, which is an early AA meeting. I go to that.
Starting point is 00:33:20 That's at 10.30, you said? Yeah. Okay, you want to go two and a half hours? But you think I sleep? You think I sleep when I go to Third and Gardner? No, I stay up all night. Well, that's not good. That's my point.
Starting point is 00:33:30 I would go if you try to save me, but you don't want me to go. You don't want me to go to heaven. I want you to go to heaven. Yeah, but then why wouldn't you invite me? Okay, look. You don't want me saved. That's fucked up, dude. I want you to go to heaven, but I do think I've already put in a couple of requests, and they've been denied.
Starting point is 00:33:46 It's invite only? What do you mean? Request from Jesus? It's like Raya. Like, you can get in, but it's like you've got to have a few people to vouch for you. And also, if you violate it. You've been banned. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:33:58 You got banned from heaven, bud. But honestly, if you wait a couple weeks, I don't lift the ban. Can I? Come with me. What's the church called? I'm not telling them on the fucking area. You want to come? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:34:11 Let's go. And what do you wear? Hadashiki. What do you mean? You wear street clothes. Oh, really? Wear whatever you want. There's no rules to church.
Starting point is 00:34:22 That's old school shit. That's old fucking fuddy-duddy. It's honestly, I'm so shocked that you go to church. But you can't wear shorts. Have you ever seen you? Jesus don't like knees. Have you ever seen me wear shorts? Yeah, not really.
Starting point is 00:34:34 Yeah, exactly. Actually, now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever seen you. No, that's not true. on a beach yes we've gone swimming together and i've seen you in short yeah i know yeah you've seen me yeah i've seen your little thong yeah cute those little black things we were black thongs dude they were so funny yeah what's that sexy that's an album cover what is that it's for the bray oh a flyer for braya yeah god the kid's got a much better body now i got to tell you should reshoot that photo now you should reshoot some of those old like like nudie photos and
Starting point is 00:35:06 see what you look like now. God, look at how young the kid is. Oh, my God. Look at how young I am. We want you to be saved. I want you to be saved. And the fans want you to be saved. And I believe you can do it. Yeah, I want to go. I want to that rapture talk was really scary. And I just, I don't put it behind. You're going to be saved. You know why? Because you have a good heart and a good soul. The number one rule of I believe in all religions is to try to be a good person. And you're a great person. And that is your entry ticket to the, uh, the, the, uh, the, the afterlife. Yeah, but I've giggled at a couple of funerals before. Funerals can be funny. But they've been in truth. I've been, I've, every time I'm in a funeral, I do, there's a laugh
Starting point is 00:35:46 attack. Well, yeah, who said that they're supposed to be sad? Yeah. Why, why is there, why are they sad? Like, my brother and I were at, um, a funeral once and, um, we heard a knock. Right? Is it closed casket? It was closed casket, but we hurt like that, right? And I looked at my brother and we just collapsed on the ground. So funny. Started laughing. You're just funny. I know, but still, you're not supposed to laugh. Do you ever have a laugh fit when you're not supposed to laugh? Sometimes I laugh when I'm uncomfortable, yeah. Yeah, because you don't know how to feel. Yeah. You know, like, I learned something the other day that this is, this, demorphous expression is the phenomenon of displaying two contradictory
Starting point is 00:36:26 expressions or actions in response to a single intense emotion, such as crying when happier or feeling there or to squeeze a cute object. Yeah, sometimes you feel so overwhelmed. you do something usually wouldn't. I laugh sometimes when I want to cry. Yeah. You know? When feelings are too emotional for me. Dude, demorphous expression.
Starting point is 00:36:43 I've never even heard that before. What's up, San Diego? We're demorphous. It's bawling while they play. Dormorphous expression. That's a great band. Or it's a great album. Demorphous?
Starting point is 00:36:56 Yeah. Demorphous expression. I've literally never learned. We're learning new shit. Yeah. I had someone I know. they had someone in their family do assisted suicide. Oh, no.
Starting point is 00:37:10 Which is kind of crazy. Well, because usually people that do it do it because they have a terminal illness. And they're like, well, I don't want this to get progressively worse. I want to say goodbye. But this is kind of a crazy story. The person, like, threw themselves a goodbye party or whatever. You know, these living funerals is like a big thing that people do now. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:37:25 But they kept pushing back the date of the, because they, you know, had a couple of, you know, had a couple of. of like secondaries of like, maybe I don't want to, let's move it back a little bit. What do you mean? Like they kept changing the date of the assisted suicide because they kind of had probably a few good weeks or something. It's fucked up because don't you think after you do that, you'd be like, all right, I don't want to do it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:37:46 If I bailed once, I'm out. I don't know if I could go through with it. Yeah, it's a dark thing. It's crazy. I'm not, it's just like it's hard. I don't know how to spin this, but yeah. Spin it, spin it, spin it, spin it. It's pretty dark.
Starting point is 00:37:57 Spin it, you got it. I know it's in there. Yeah. I don't like physical pain. You don't want to experience any physical pain. I think once the physical pain is just even if morphine or any of these drugs stop working. Yeah. I just, I feel like I'm going to move on.
Starting point is 00:38:12 You ever had morphine? Like when I was in Vietnam? Like a drip. Yeah. Like a drip. Yeah. You've had a drip in a bath. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:23 Dude, they gave me that shit when I had my torn ligaments in my legaments in my leg. Wow. Yum. It's unfucking real. You feel more. I mean oh it's warm sunshine yeah it makes me go heroin yes yes yes it's not surprising why people are addicted to all these you know opiates no of course not morphine drip drip the in is the continuous intravenous administration of the opioid pain medication morphine IV dog drip drip drip
Starting point is 00:38:46 drop a drip drip drip drip drip with that drip drip drip drip drip drip I got that drip I got that drip drip just two IVs in my arms I got that drip drip drip drip drip I'm just drooling wow it does feel good it does feel good it's bad news bears you know when you get on it you know they're like be careful, because it's fun. You know what? I think in the last five years of my life, when I'm 70, I think I'm going to do it. 70? The last five, that's the, what do you talk about?
Starting point is 00:39:11 I think I'm 75, I'm done. You're living way past 80. I'm 70. I think I'm going to go, you know what? I'm going to liquid it everything. And I'm just going to shoot heroin. Please don't. Yeah, or fentanyl.
Starting point is 00:39:21 There's a new fentanyl. There's a super fentanyl. Right? But I think I'm just going to boom, boom. You can come over to my little apartment. I'm going to downsize. I'm going to downsize. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:39:30 And I'm just going to drip my way into. heaven super fentanyl there's a new fentanyl dude super fentany car fentanyl extreme potency synthetic opioid estimate maybe a hundred times more potent than fentanyl 10,000 times more potent than morphine damn it's on the streets now give that to me in the hospital dog they're like Andrew you just have a paper cut I'm like I need it who who took fentanyl was like nah it's not enough you know what I mean well probably because they're fucking used to it they've they've their tolerance is too high do a little extra fentanyl then now that's not going to work Listen, Charlie Sheen was like, I was banging seven gram rocks.
Starting point is 00:40:04 I was like, fucking go. Yeah. He couldn't get enough. That was the greatest documentary. One of the best, we were talking about that for days. Dude, it's so good. That documentary, what a, what a life. And the thing that got him sober was like incredible.
Starting point is 00:40:18 Yeah, happy he did. Sheenzy's, a.k.a. Charlie Sheen. Did you see Jason Bateman's new show, Black Rabbit? Yeah, everyone was talking about it. Better good. Yeah. It's very good. And Jude Law.
Starting point is 00:40:30 Yeah. Dude, law, so good. Yeah, and the new Paul Thomas Anderson movie, everyone's saying great. So good. A lot. People are saying it's good, but I've seen a little bit of other sides. I've seen people say they don't like it. Yeah, I'm going to. You want to go watch it?
Starting point is 00:40:42 I'll go. Yeah, let's do it this week. Let's go. Yeah, I'll watch it. Would you watch it again? I'm going to go watch it again. Wow. Oh, you are?
Starting point is 00:40:49 Because you have no life. I like go to movies. Are you dating anybody right now, or you single? I'm single. You've taken anybody out on dates? No, I like to go to movies by myself because I can get a better seat. Yeah, I agree. I do like going to movies as well by myself, but you're not seeing anybody at all, huh? I'm not so often going to date, but I don't know.
Starting point is 00:41:06 You know, why don't you be honest, because you talk to me that how badly you want to have love. You're, like, interested badly in love. The problem is the people now watch the show, so. God, fancy. Yeah. You know, I will get you back to Spain pretty fast. Keep that vibe up. Yeah, I don't like watching movies with somebody because I get influenced by them.
Starting point is 00:41:25 Yeah. If they laugh or if they, yeah. Yeah, I'll be sitting next to somebody. Like, I was watching Superman with, like, three other people. my brother dumbfounded and Gene and I'm watching it I'm like I'm trying to get into it What's that combined IQ in that room?
Starting point is 00:41:37 Sorry, I'm trying to get into it Fuck you Dude, that's my friend group, dude And family, what the fuck? Your brother dumbfounded Gene Hong is Yeah, he gets you over 100 Yeah
Starting point is 00:41:50 And I turn to my brother And my brother just goes Yeah As soon as he did that I was like, oh it's bad No, that's just And then it ruined the whole thing. I know. You know what I mean? Or like
Starting point is 00:42:02 somebody will just be like, their eyes closed. Yeah. Yeah. I took my dad to Lord of the Rings, the two towers. Sleeping. Dude. Because he had never seen the first one or the third one. Right? Because the third one wasn't out. And I just remember just opening, what going on? Right?
Starting point is 00:42:21 In the beginning. Just watch. And then like five minutes in he's just deep and asleep. Gone. Yeah, but he works a lot. He has no interest in, you know what I mean? What was? was he interested in? He's never seen a movie. You know, my dad was one of those immigrants that was like, he doesn't know what music is.
Starting point is 00:42:36 I've talked about this before. I know, but it's so funny, not his music. He doesn't know what music is. He doesn't know what music is. He turned it on. He's like, ha! I mean, yeah. But right before he died, right?
Starting point is 00:42:46 I had AirPods. The translation ones? The new one? No, no. It was no, no. And he was like. They finally communicated. I know what you're saying.
Starting point is 00:42:59 After all those years. Cheers. I love Radiohead. Yeah. In a rainbows is amazing. Yeah. Weird fishes. What's this? I know. Yeah. So he, we put in Eric Clapton. Reckoner. Sorry. Yeah. Reckoner's. We put Eric Clapton. What's that song? Tears in heaven. Tears in heaven. Oh, God. Put it in. We play it. Never heard music before in his life. I mean, obviously he's in the elevator in a mall. He hears it in the ambiance of it.
Starting point is 00:43:35 Pure 11. Pure 11. Pure 11? Your dad dies. He gets to the pearly gates. He's like, pure 11. I'm sorry, sir. What do you keep singing a song?
Starting point is 00:43:52 Yeah. Did he smile through the song? Did he take it? No. And he's like, we play. And he's like kind of sitting there. And then. A single tear.
Starting point is 00:44:02 No. I swear to God, comes out of his face. And it was the first time he had. Would you know, who you know my name, if I saw you heaven? Go.
Starting point is 00:44:19 You take the next one. Would it be the same? If I saw you in heaven, I must be strong. hug goes. I must be strong and carry on because I know
Starting point is 00:44:38 I don't be wrong he'll be brother and this is about his kid falling out a window. Yeah, we didn't explain that to him. He was doing cocaine on a balcony. I don't know what the story was.
Starting point is 00:44:52 Was he doing cocaine? I don't know. He loved cocaine. Traditionally. He wrote a song about it but it's about his son falling out of a fucking 50-third-story apartment. How do you move on after that?
Starting point is 00:45:05 God. How do you move on after that? 53 floors like this. No. I mean, so long. That's... So many stories. It's the funniest thing I've ever seen.
Starting point is 00:45:24 I'm sorry. Oh, my God. It's so long. How long is that? That's a long time. long time, man. No, my God. No. That's so fun, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Forever. Yeah. Whoa. Whoa. Look who's here. Come on in, Prince. Sit down in these chairs. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Did you guys lock the door? No, we left it open for you. What's wrong with that? You don't like that?
Starting point is 00:45:54 Jack Black did it. Yeah, Jack Black. Ship Station. go to ship station. We have an online store and, you know, since the inception of bad friends, we've been using ShipStation and we love it. We really do. If you run an e-commerce business, you know customer views are of an enormous impact on your business and you need scalable features to help ensure accuracy. You get shipments to their door faster and wow your customers. You want to keep them. Automate your workflow. Save time and reduce human error through an unlimited number of ways to automate the fulfillment process. That's right. Best in class carrier savings. Discounts up to 90% off rate.
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Starting point is 00:47:16 And my bank was like, are you in Florida? I was like, no, I mean, L.A. Well, I needed that boat, dude. You did need that boat. No, and thanks to cash app, they have high, high end security that keeps you and your money safe that protects you the way you deserve. When you get the cash app card, not only do you get access to a ton of perks like benefits, exclusive early access to nationwide concerts, pre-sales or discounts on popular brands,
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Starting point is 00:48:26 Bank Partners prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank member FDIC instant discounts provided by cash app a block incorporated brand visit cash dot app slash legal slash podcast for full disclosures Is your hair wet or just greasy? Wet. Okay. Hey, you look good though. Look at the lettuce on the kid. Don't get defensive.
Starting point is 00:48:45 He's doing all right. Ask you a fucking question, man. Your hair looks good too. Looks nice. I want to feel like it. It does. You cut it. It looks stylish.
Starting point is 00:48:52 Introduce our fucking guest. Kevin Ryan H. Foley from R.U. Garbage. Hey. Ladies gentlemen, are you garbage in the house? Thank you, thank friends. Thank you. Love the chair. Happy to be here.
Starting point is 00:49:01 Do you like the chair? Hate the chair. Why do you hate the chair? Because I'm a fat pig. I feel like Biggie. This is what Biggie felt like this whole career. Give me the loot. That's the one phrase he knows.
Starting point is 00:49:14 I'm not kidding. He says that every week. It's the only thing I know. That's great. Because that came off quick. I was like, damn, Bobby's a question. Yeah, yeah. Why do you say mean diminutive stuff about yourself?
Starting point is 00:49:22 Yeah, dude. I'm all fatty. You're successful now. You feel, You feel, are you bigger than you were before? I'm actually going on the way down. I started Zepbound, what, six weeks ago? What's it called?
Starting point is 00:49:31 Zepbound. Yeah. Is it like Ozmpic? He's on, he'll go over. Yeah, me too. You are? You on it? I'm down 40 pounds.
Starting point is 00:49:38 What do you mean? You always look good, though. I've never seen. I blew up. Really? Yeah, mine. I'm down 30. I'm down 30.
Starting point is 00:49:44 You look great. You're down 30. Can you see? Yeah. I told you that as soon as I came in. The hair looks good. He looks good. You look Hollywood.
Starting point is 00:49:49 You're 35 pounds this guy's got off now. 30 30s yeah thanks what would you get the biggest where you were at uh probably 250 shut the fuck up wow how tall you five uh yeah 5 11 probably like right on smidge under six what wow 250 that's just big okay as many times boozing a lot boozing eating good food it's like you know you have the roundest eyes i've ever seen thanks bud you not so much yeah zingers bring them out bring them out and fully your eyes are pretty Asian-y really to me right yeah it's more Japanese it's more Ronan okay yeah you know I mean like a bigger samurai I like that yeah yeah I will say if you gain weight it does smush your eyes a little bit
Starting point is 00:50:34 when you lose some fucking weight those things are going to be big yeah beautiful eyes are you thinking about getting the injection what do you mean injection oh no you're I mean you're already on it I'm on it yeah is it the same thing as ozimic and no it's different the side effects aren't his bad and um yeah it's zep bound is a brand name for the prescription medication tear zeppatide used for chronic weight. Okay, let's go down to, let's see what the side effects are. Generally consider safe when used of the directed, but comes with the potential side effects.
Starting point is 00:51:03 Nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, constipation. You already have all these. He got all that stuff to begin with, you know, that's all I'm. And it made me gay. Yeah, yeah. Oh, no shit? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's awesome.
Starting point is 00:51:12 Yeah. And then you guys are sharing hotel rooms. Fatigue and hair loss. You got a lot of lettuce. Who cares? You're fine. The constipation I have a problem with. Brutal.
Starting point is 00:51:19 Yeah, yeah. Brutal. It's brutal. It's brutal. Metamusel for it. Yeah. The combat. They'll be good three days.
Starting point is 00:51:24 Remember that I celebrated it? Oh, yeah. No. Yeah, three days. And I sent you a poop photo. Yeah, it was nice. Yeah, it was a celebration. Saved it, printed it.
Starting point is 00:51:33 Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the kind of relationship. We have. You get clogged up? On this, not so bad. The Ozepic, it was brutal. It was like I was getting chemo. That's why I had to stop.
Starting point is 00:51:40 Did you throw up to? Oh, I was throwing up. The epic was awful. Awful. Awful. No, you're on it too, huh? Same thing? Buddy, I don't have a fucking one side effect.
Starting point is 00:51:51 Great on Zepbound or on that bound you guys are both on it you guys sponsor by do a read real fast into the camera. Are you a fat piece of shit? You have no self-control? You want to see your dick look a little bit bigger get on Zep bound. Is your dick look bigger? No, same size. Really? You don't get it. There's no more life in it. 30 pounds, 25 pounds came out of my penis. I had a very thick penis. Yeah, yeah. Sorry to hear. Boys spam cans. Yeah. You can't change that. You know what I mean? That's, you know, hey. It's genetic. No, as you lose weight, it looks bigger. Mine's starting to look a little bigger. You've seen that Sydney-Sweeney commercial. He's like, my jeans, my jeans are Asian. You know, I don't like it.
Starting point is 00:52:32 Fuck you. I don't like what we're doing right now. I'm not making it funny. I got a small piece myself. I don't have a small piece. That's the thing. That's the thing. Me either.
Starting point is 00:52:40 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, wait, I don't have one. That's the thing. I know. Yeah, me too. For my body structure? Sure. Very good.
Starting point is 00:52:48 Okay. Like, you know, like Spud Webb. Okay Your dick and jump eye I'm just saying Obviously Spudweb is not going to have Shaquilone's Yes he is
Starting point is 00:52:59 Historically you've never heard of this This guy has a fucking pipe It fell out of his shorts One time when he was dunking The confidence you need to jump that high Is a little guy Yeah How tall was Spud web?
Starting point is 00:53:08 He's got a big one Five six Five six Wow God what the man Huh It was great Twitter's been feeding me
Starting point is 00:53:14 A lot of Asian porn lately I don't know why Twitter's feeding him Amen He's obsessed that there's like full-blown porn on Twitter it's crazy he's like all over you know there's porn on the internet I know but something about Twitter it's yeah two minutes why do you like it so much you think just because it's like you're reading about news and disaster shit and then you get off to a little Asian
Starting point is 00:53:32 foot down I don't know it's awesome I love it what's your favorite kind of porn yeah of Asian yeah of Asian yeah Japanese yeah Japanese Korean and wait wait Japanese goes number one of course in terms of porn oh Japanese is always number one everybody no no no no no no Japanese girls anime anime anime Japanese has always been number one It's number one forever Then three A pop's making a move though
Starting point is 00:53:55 Yeah it is making a move Not good enough That girl Rose is beautiful Who? Who? You know what I'm talking about? Why are you looking at me Like I know everything
Starting point is 00:54:02 Like he's a fucking expert In every Japanese porn star Yeah yeah What is it called Rose what? Her name's Rose She does the song with Bruno Mars Oh
Starting point is 00:54:11 Apata Bobby you don't know this Yeah Oh she's gorgeous Gorgeous Gorgeous Great singer too Would you leave you
Starting point is 00:54:18 your wife for her? Absolutely, yeah. Throw it all away right now. We do you really throw it over it. Kevin, how about you? What? No. No. No, you're not going to leave your wife for Rose?
Starting point is 00:54:29 No. No. No one girl. And of course I wouldn't. Oh my God. Teddisfift. What, Kev? What?
Starting point is 00:54:38 I wouldn't, no, no, no, no. You don't like Asian girls? No, I do like Asian. I used to, I've dated in Asian. It's the top thing we talked about it before, yeah. Yeah. Well, White's number one on your list, isn't it? You always say keep it white
Starting point is 00:54:49 That's what he says You're married to a white I'm married to a white Yeah yeah yeah yeah She's a good looking she's a good looking Yeah I'm not questioning that I'm questioning the racism He just did the Trump
Starting point is 00:55:00 She's a good looking She's a good look at her She's good What's been going on with the dogs I haven't seen you guys in a long time On tour running around On tour the back on the block tour Getting by
Starting point is 00:55:12 Is what we're doing What are talking about You guys are cruising Rough summer Why? Why did you tour in the summer? We didn't tour in the summer. We were off. Kippy had a baby. Oh, congratulations. The first one?
Starting point is 00:55:23 Yeah, first one. Oh, my God. The white one, too. Let's guess the name. Yeah. We'll get, we'll do. Donovan. That's really good. A big McNabb guy. Chat.
Starting point is 00:55:34 You're attacking my whiteness? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, because you're an artist. I'm an artist? Yeah, it's going to be a little arts. I call a guy fat for a little. Yeah, yeah. And I used to be able to.
Starting point is 00:55:44 Yeah. You call him fat. I do the Asian thing. Devin. Devin. Devin. Yeah. What is it?
Starting point is 00:55:51 What? The baby's name. Marcus. Marcus. No, we went with Dan. Dan. Daniel. Danio.
Starting point is 00:55:58 Daniel. You went with Dan? Daniel. Why? He was going to go with Earthquoise. I don't know that. I ain't never met a bitch named Cardaliza. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:10 Mr. Pat? Mm-hmm. I mean, was that a hard struggle to come up with Dan? Irish. It's an old Irish That's how we do it Okay Yeah
Starting point is 00:56:18 That's how we do it That's some Irish pig shit But it's not like I'm gonna fucking Name my kid Chong Should Chong Lee Ching and Chong would be amazing
Starting point is 00:56:27 Yeah Good name, good boy Strong lad It's a family name You're gonna do this whole fucking game Where people are like Using the top birth Percentile of us
Starting point is 00:56:33 All that bullshit He's a big family He's already on this Yeah see I know that's 99 He's 99 Well let me guess the weight The weight was
Starting point is 00:56:39 Him? 450 The weight of Dan Your boy Went full term I'm born I don't remember I don't know any of the what yeah yeah I don't know
Starting point is 00:56:49 but age when you look at the baby does it look like family does it look like you no yeah does it feel like do you love the baby I mean he's your best friend right one of your best friend yeah adorable Irish baby so if Kevin passed away
Starting point is 00:57:03 would you I always love coming and talk to these guys would you take care would you take care would you take care he wouldn't let me so who's the godfather don't you have a godfather not yet you gotta be it's gotta be it's gotta be
Starting point is 00:57:14 I got, I want to go my brother. No, no, no, no, it's got to be it. Let me push for age. No, he's got to be his brother. No, I would love to hear this. Please state your case, Mr. Mr. what? You're going to say something.
Starting point is 00:57:23 Go ahead. Well, Chong or whatever it is. I say, Bobby Lee, my good dear friend. Okay. I don't know your brother, so this is tough. He's on that super fentanyl we were talking about earlier. Would you give me your kid if you passed away? I mean, he would be first in line.
Starting point is 00:57:40 Yeah, he's not him. Yeah. What do you mean? My relationship with him? You don't have the same relationship with age? I do. But I'm not Andrew. That would be like if...
Starting point is 00:57:49 I don't even know what that means. What is going on? That would be like if Andrew left his kid with you. I would. Yeah. Andrew would leave my kid with him. I leave my kid with him. Okay.
Starting point is 00:57:57 Yeah. And he would make my godfather. I would leave my kid with him, but not the other way. Yeah. What's your fucking problem? Because he has better prospects. Yeah. Oh.
Starting point is 00:58:06 And I'm an idiot. I'm a moron. You're my only prospect. You're not a moron, buddy. There's no chance. I don't know. It seems like they're turning against me. You don't think.
Starting point is 00:58:14 He don't seem like a moron. You're not a moron, dude. Name me a state and city in Kansas. And see, the question is confusing. Kansas City. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kansas City. Yeah, exactly.
Starting point is 00:58:27 So, boom. Boom, Bound being. Capital California. Fuck. It's not L.A. It's, uh, touch with an S. Stop.
Starting point is 00:58:36 Sacramento. There it is. There we go. You know what? Take my baby. Yay. Thanks, buddy. I knew that's all it took.
Starting point is 00:58:43 I would want that, but no. That would be bad. Do you have kids? You don't have kids? No kids. No kids. Ask me a question. What is the capital of Pennsylvania?
Starting point is 00:58:51 Pittsburgh. No. Oh, fuck. Do you know? Name something that comes with hot pot. Hot pot? Yeah. Potatoes.
Starting point is 00:58:58 Pretty good. That's actually very funny. We tried this one time. We did the, are you smarter than the fifth grader? We lost. We failed every fucking question. Yeah, we did it on Patriot. But are you guys, are you guys college graduates?
Starting point is 00:59:09 Yeah. I am, I went to Temple. That's a good school. What about you? I flunked out sophomore year. God is good. Where? Widener University.
Starting point is 00:59:19 Shout out to him. Played football. Hey. Wydenner? Yeah, Widener's awesome. All right. You know it? I went to Skinnier.
Starting point is 00:59:27 Our rivals. I hate those bastards. We beat you guys all the time. I could never catch them. The game's over, I guess. No, I went to Arizona State, dude. I'm a fucking, I'm a dumbo bumbo. Yeah, it's a big dummy.
Starting point is 00:59:38 People always say that. Not in Arizona. I think they're awesome schools. No, wow. They're fun. Hot shit. It's a party school. Don't have like a lazy.
Starting point is 00:59:44 River? That was like always the big thing. It was a great rumor. And they also said 90% acceptance rate. Let's go. That's pretty good. Can you check Temple Universities? Yeah, it's got to be like 30. I bet it's under 50. It's, it's, it's really. They have like, they have like 500,000 students. They have like the biggest. Oh, you're just as high as us. Wow. Hey, what's the school, what school has the highest acceptance rate. Do that. I want to know what that is. Let's take a guess. My guess would be Florida State. Uh, yeah. Got to be a state. No, but it's like, uh, Penn State maybe. No, they just have so many. Oh, yeah, college of Staten Island, yes.
Starting point is 01:00:17 Sunni, yeah, yeah, that makes... Sunnis is like that... 98% rate of University of Mississippi is cited within 98% so everyone could go to Mississippi. If I was denied at Dixie University, am I... Bob, did you go to college or no?
Starting point is 01:00:30 No, you go to college. I think that went to nothing. Why would he need to? Look at this, huh? I'm a brainiac, dude. Asked me anything. He was already... Potatoes, hot pock.
Starting point is 01:00:37 Wot you already working, like right after high school? You're in a sweatshop, yeah, making Nike's. Is that what you're saying? In fact, yeah, he made. I made those. I made those. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanks for the... They're a little...
Starting point is 01:00:46 I got some notes for you. No, you were already cruising in entertainment a little bit. No, no, no, no. I started at 23. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. No, I...
Starting point is 01:00:54 From high school to 23, no future, almost die. Damn. Yeah, because I had no future. I had no idea what I was going to do. You guys got six guys on the road with you. What are you talking? Videographer, producer, a age manager.
Starting point is 01:01:08 Yeah, we got a guy die ops, we call him. Director of Operations. He gave himself that title. Pretty much. drives the van and stuff. No, he's our boy Ryan D. He's our fixer. He's great.
Starting point is 01:01:19 We got him. We got two openers and a producer. Two opener. Comics that we might know or no. Yeah, Colin Chamberlain and Sam Rubinoff. Oh, no. Like New York guys. Colin Chamberlain and Sam Rubenoff.
Starting point is 01:01:32 Colin works with Jessica Kurson a lot. And Sam is Jewish. Yes. You have resident. You got to have one. You've got to operate in L.A. You got to have a Jew. Trust me, I know.
Starting point is 01:01:41 Do you guys do the bus when you're on the road or no? We have, we've done the bus Fuck that I kind of like the bus You don't like it We'll never do that shit ever again We love it This guy had night terrors every fucking night
Starting point is 01:01:52 You got a bad hang I loved it No do I'd rather just go to the hotel Get a nice hotel I get that Yeah I get that You don't like waking up in the new city No I like just
Starting point is 01:02:04 I like waking up in a nice hotel bed Instead of listen to this guy Scream bloody murder every fucking night And then him up to 530 playing video games And peeing every person Yeah, he does. Bobby! I poo in the...
Starting point is 01:02:16 Yeah, he put in the bus. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Rule number one. That's not the bus. That's the squad. You guys got to fucking step it up a little bit. Yeah. No, honestly, fuck this whole team.
Starting point is 01:02:24 You don't know. You got a week crew. My favorite is with Bert. Beating on the bus with Bert. Oh, yeah. Well, he's got nine buses. I sleep like a baby when he's... I almost died.
Starting point is 01:02:32 Remember I fell off the fucking bomb. That's insane. You guys did that tour with him? No, no, we went on that. But I mean, that was national headline. I saw that on fucking... Well, he posted about it so he could cancel shows. I believe we will not be performing tonight.
Starting point is 01:02:44 I'll be back in 2026. What the fuck happened? I cut to my rib. All right, so I was on the top bunk. It was pitch black like three in the morning. Which he shouldn't be in the first place. Now, you're a bottom bunk guy. Oh, I also asked people.
Starting point is 01:02:54 I'm a bottom bunk. I ask people, hey, can I get the bottom? I have little legs. That's, that's on the... They're like, no, I claimed it. That's fucked up. Like, bully shit. Wait, who else was on that bus?
Starting point is 01:03:02 Shame on you. Yeah. So I'm on the top bunk, right? It's pitch black. I don't know where. We're in the middle of the south somewhere. It's right. And I have to go to the bathroom.
Starting point is 01:03:13 So I take my hand, but I can't see it, to brace myself on the opposite side of the other bunk, the ledge, and I miss it. And I just, I fall forward and I hit my mouth on the fucking thing. This guy thinks he's going to reach across the bus. These arms are like a foot long. Jesus Christ. Got T-Rex arms. Yeah. Anybody wake up?
Starting point is 01:03:33 What? Anybody wake up? No one woke up. And I was on the ground. I was knocked unconscious. They woke up. They were like, you got knocked out? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:03:40 And I, and it was just blood everywhere. So I go to the front of the bus I sit there and I go to the driver and I go I think I didn't go hospital And he goes no man we're seven hours a while I'm bleeding I think I need stitches No seven hours dude
Starting point is 01:03:54 And I start testing bird Everybody no one replies Everyone's asleep Yeah I'm just sitting there Just in a pool of blood for like hours It was fucking terrible Yeah get a paper top What's a mice on it sucking?
Starting point is 01:04:06 I did all that what you think dude Did you need stitches? Yeah Yeah he did I like bunch of stitches and uh three you got three i knew a bunch was a big thing yeah wait what do you mean well he said you didn't get 15 you got three i got a lot three more what's it saying what's it saying the lawsuit what 45 stitches broken neck and you know what was great and this is bert and you know the whole team lean yeah the whole team the squad love the squad love the squad and they were like you know obviously
Starting point is 01:04:37 go home but they paid me for the gigs oh great which is so That's what he liked the most. Every time we go on tour, he's going to fall off the bunk. Oh, I can't put a phone. That's getting off cheap. They're probably worried you're going to fucking... I would never do it. Even if I died, I wouldn't do it.
Starting point is 01:04:52 Not to Burton Leanne. There's other people we would sue. But not that. You can't meet better people. No, they're probably... The best. Two of the best people I've ever... Leanne?
Starting point is 01:04:59 Oh my, come on. She's the best. Yeah, she's great. You know what's so funny, though, the bus thing? Our driver, that was also, that guy was a fucking lunatic. We had a lunatic. Mega Man, what the fuck was his nickname? He had like a...
Starting point is 01:05:12 night I wake up because the bus is like, you know, this. And I'm like, dude, what's going on? I walk up there and I pop up the curtain open. You know what I mean? I pop off the buttons. This motherfucker is going off on his wife. Do you remember this? That's awesome. He's just yelling at this, dude. That's awesome. He's like, that's what I fucking said. Is that when that's how it is to fucking be? And he's yelling into his headset mic. And so I was like, he's wide away. So I clip the button back on, went back and laid. I thought he might be dozing. That dude's not going to sleep for six. Six more out.
Starting point is 01:05:42 He was locked in. We'll see you later, Salt Lake City. We'll be there. Fucking bitch. We, uh... I hated it, though. We had one that broke down. We did, like, Route 66.
Starting point is 01:05:51 We had one that broke down and barely made the gig, like, pulled in as, like, you know. Oh, no, see? It was, we had a sleep on the bus just parked in Tulsa or something like in a sketch, like behind the venue because he couldn't get the bus started. Do you guys go to Memphis by any chance? Nah. We'll never. Like, you can bring up Memphis. I fucking hated it.
Starting point is 01:06:09 It was PTSD. Like, the venue. the show? We tanked shit in a way we've never... Eye bombed so hard. You catch that. That just happened. No, no, no, no, no, no. But the city of Memphis is a special kind of bomb.
Starting point is 01:06:19 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. A couple years ago. Two years ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, it was so bad. We've stayed, we're on the Elvis's. We were on Graceland. We played fucking the Graceland stages.
Starting point is 01:06:28 And we're thinking, this is the best. Dude, we're at the fucking out. Lay up. Dude, nope, tank shit. And then we were also like, can we go get something to eat? And they're like, I don't recommend it. Yeah. It's not the nicest area.
Starting point is 01:06:39 Yeah. I was like, well, we're hungry. That was the room. You guys don't have bad gigs? Yeah, no. Yeah, every once in a while. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. Worst gigs, say, what's the city?
Starting point is 01:06:46 They're not going to name a city. No, that you tanked the hardest in. On the tour, what was that? Where were we? Oh, it was that one that we pulled into, it wasn't Salt Lake. Somewhere down there in the, in the southwest. Like a Denver's kind of town, but in, I think, Arizona. What was Phoenix?
Starting point is 01:07:01 Phoenix. Flagstaff. Flagstaff, yeah. We fucking, I mean, I mean, it were like, we did flagstaff on a Wednesday. Oh, wow. sold light. Is that the venue? That was the one we played. Oh, okay. Yeah. Flagstaff got you.
Starting point is 01:07:15 It was just, and it was, it was, it was one of those things they ended up like, like, they had a good time and like, but we just. I could tell you our fans of Memphis did not have a good time. Not with us. We just didn't love it. Flag's also pretty beautiful. A lot of people, a lot of whites like to go up there and get married into it. It's a lot of cash up there. One thing we did do to circumvent the bus, because the one of the bus is very. Circumvent. What does that mean? Go around.
Starting point is 01:07:36 Okay. See, no college. words around my friend, man. My apology. Being condescending. My apologies. Let us reiterate. That staff's pretty good.
Starting point is 01:07:44 They had that, they had circumvent up. Find the way around. We bought a very nice, the nicest conversion van we could buy. And we kind of use that as the tour bus. Like, we do runs. Diops, our boy Ryan D. We'll drive it out to Michigan. He'll pick us up at the airport in Michigan.
Starting point is 01:08:02 And then that we're cruising around in that for the week. Wait, why Michigan? Or like, wherever the runs. Oh, I was like, yeah. You guys aren't living. Are you guys living in New York? Where do you live? Queens.
Starting point is 01:08:10 Queens kids. Both of you? No, I got a Manhattan. You're not getting that... And I'm on a young one. Yeah, you're not getting that Austin itch, huh? Nah. The heat would kill me.
Starting point is 01:08:19 Yeah, true. Genuinely, yeah. You guys dread being here? Not not bad friends, but in L.A. I love L.A. I don't have any of that shit that other people say, that's what I like about you.
Starting point is 01:08:27 I don't like it. It's, you know, it's rapid. Hey, droop, droop, what's up, droop, what's up, Troop, what's up, Troop, I love it. I don't, I don't hate it. I'm not one of those guys. I just don't love it.
Starting point is 01:08:37 It's just not, I enjoy my time out here. I like seeing my friends. I get it. We stay, we got a fucking very nice house in the hills. We're having a big. Oh, you rented a crib for the kids. Yeah. What are we talking about?
Starting point is 01:08:47 Nice. Nice property. Good place to OD app. So Airbnb? Airbnb looked up it up on Zillow 6.5 million. How long are you in town for? Let me get that right. Let me say it again.
Starting point is 01:09:00 Circumvent. Circumvent. How long are you guys in town for? Until Thursday. Yeah, we were here. Saturday and Thursday. We called you. You didn't answer.
Starting point is 01:09:08 Yeah, he loves taking people to dinner. I was looking for your car in the parking lot to see what you were whipping around. I don't drive anymore, man. Not after the accident. What accident? You don't hear about his accident? It was died.
Starting point is 01:09:17 Nuh. Yeah, dude. Is that true? I hit it. I hit it. Look at his eye. Look at my eye. My eyes all fucked up. I hit a couple.
Starting point is 01:09:24 I was pink guy. I had seen that all funny. It was bad. It wasn't his fault. In a car? It wasn't his fault, though. Well, I mean, I was drinking, but yeah, it was. Easy, he does it.
Starting point is 01:09:32 No, it's not funny Why would you joke about it? No, I shouldn't joke about it I mean, he almost died, dude No, yeah, dude, it's in fucking Hollywood Reporter A boy, Hollywood Reporter brought it up A deadline Pull it up, let's see if that's my
Starting point is 01:09:45 That's my ticket there from the hospital Yep Holy shit, you were tagged It was really bad, dude Did you get knocked out? Yeah, dude, I was there for three days At the hospital I don't remember anything for almost a week
Starting point is 01:09:55 Yeah Almost a week like five days What was this? Dude, he was hooked up with the machines It was insane He's lying No, dude You know what? Let me see the holly.
Starting point is 01:10:04 Pull it up. No, no, here's... I would have heard it. We are going to pull it up, but here's already... Once they type it up... No, no, no, no, what I'm going to say... The domain ball. Hey, Kevin, will you listen?
Starting point is 01:10:12 Nope. Yeah. Sorry. Okay. I got excited. Right now, you have sad eyes. You just complimented them. I know, but they're drooping and they're sad and I don't like it.
Starting point is 01:10:21 He's tired. So what I'm going to say this, before we look it up, I want to say this, all right? Already, will you look at me right now? I'm not done talking. Go. All right? We told you a fact. Okay. And you doubted it.
Starting point is 01:10:34 That's right, yeah. Sure. Which means there's division between our teams. That's right, yeah. Right? We're not cohesive. No, we're just not suckers. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:10:43 You know what you two are up to. We lie all the time. There you go. Comed Andrew Santino formally said that he crashed his Kia Sorrento. Incident appears have been minor. 2001. It was a 2021 Kia Sorrento. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:10:53 That's wrong. He's been in the hospital for three, four, five years. Every day. I was only there for three days. I know those four years. That was one of my favorite bits. I always kept. I got really good though
Starting point is 01:11:04 I crashed the Kia Sorrento people fuck it for some reason they're like if you said you got in a car actually like yeah dude I crash my old Kia Sorrento people like damn like they buy it right away I don't know why the car validates the accident I was gonna make funny if you're driving a Kia I was a kid what do you drive flashy guy
Starting point is 01:11:19 I drive in Queens you don't have a car do you have a car yeah I got a Jeep okay yeah oh so he's better than a Kia hot shot yeah I have a question Bobby are you dating anybody can you talk about that or now okay good news No, no, no, I'm absorbing what you're asking.
Starting point is 01:11:34 Uh-huh. And I'm going to answer you properly. Okay. Um, yes, I am. Okay. Yeah, great. Yeah, um, I'm getting a lot of shit because they're white women. Okay.
Starting point is 01:11:44 They're all white women. So you're dating casually. You're not into white women. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's cool. And my Asian, you know, friends and family are going, what's up, dude? Really? Yeah, and I'm like, I don't, those are the ones that like me.
Starting point is 01:11:54 Who, what do your friends and family say, what? What's up, dude? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Mexican? No, that's. Some of them, yeah. No, but they go...
Starting point is 01:12:01 Do other Asian celebrities give you shit for that kind of stuff? They don't talk to him. No? No, like, you look at Stephen Yoon. Uh-huh. He's a nice Asian woman.
Starting point is 01:12:12 John Cho, nice Asian woman. Yeah. I just... What's your problem? Because those Asian women find me to be unclean, which I'm not. Very clean, man.
Starting point is 01:12:22 Excuse me? You're a very clean man? Yeah, but people think, but based on my online presence or whatever that I'm a dirty fucker, right? The booker reading and stuff like that. The booger eating and stuff like that? Well, have you not?
Starting point is 01:12:34 Of course, yeah, exactly. I've never done it. Me either. Never once. You've eaten your boogers. I've eaten my boogers. Yeah. No, I never did it.
Starting point is 01:12:41 I'm not interested. Yeah. What about touching your butthole? If it comes out, it doesn't go back in. That's how I feel. When's the last time you touched your butt hole? Bare finger. I had a stint.
Starting point is 01:12:51 I had a run. I had a run. I got over it. You know what I mean? Not sexually. Just touching it. What? Not sexually?
Starting point is 01:12:58 Yeah. Oh, I was talking about sexually. What do you mean? just touching my butthole just for in passing whatever like a little boop like boom yeah no no no no he loves it Bobby yeah I'll do it now yeah yeah I'm not afraid of it sexually fine yeah if you're playing with a toy but I mean you know what I mean you're having fun you've done that with toys I should see the size of thing I put in my ass show him the thing I put yeah he's lying he's got it he's got it unbelievable the thing the size
Starting point is 01:13:20 of this fucking I wouldn't have suspected that my man I like that you don't know what do you I'm gay are you what shut up how long have you know me yeah that thing I put that Whoa. Man, can I borrow that thing? Holy shit. No, you're married. I've met your wife, haven't I? So you think.
Starting point is 01:13:37 Oh, really? You've met my beard. Nice. Yeah. No, I'm seeing a couple of guys right now, but none of them. Nothing's sticking. No, yeah, I've never touched my butthole un-sexually. Really?
Starting point is 01:13:48 What are you doing with it? I don't know. Making sure it's there? Just crossing that line to touch my butt hole. Yeah. I have a difficult time committing right now. To your butt hole? To your butt hole?
Starting point is 01:13:58 Yeah. Really? It moves. You mean relationship while? It vibrates. Huh? It goes like that. Your butt hold does?
Starting point is 01:14:04 Yeah, yeah. And I don't like it sad. It's sassy. Jeez. No, in terms of a women. Mm-hmm. Yeah,
Starting point is 01:14:09 you're playing the field. I'm not playing the field. I want to find, I want to find, I want to fall in love. No, stop that. You don't? You went through that.
Starting point is 01:14:17 How did it turn out? Get out of here. I know. Enjoy yourself. Yeah, but I'm ready again, I think. No. That's your mistake. You're ready.
Starting point is 01:14:24 Get back up on the horse. Don't do it. Bobby, fall in love with yourself That's what you fall in love Gay, yeah Nah, fuck that Let him fall in love with a woman No
Starting point is 01:14:33 Yeah, I don't know if I'll You're too old married No, yeah, for sure How happy are you, you got a boy? Yeah, very You fucking amped Yeah, are you nervous? Yeah, it's crazy
Starting point is 01:14:44 I'm still nervous, I don't know what's going Did you do a gender reveal thing? You did one of these things? Nah Shoulda woulda could I did Would have been fun to do it Did you? Have you done that? No, I don't have any kids
Starting point is 01:14:51 You don't? No, but if I did I think I would do the gender reveal but I do it real crazy. Like what? Blow it up. You do a golf ball. You do the golf ball.
Starting point is 01:14:59 That's what you got to do. No, no. I'd like light a boat on fire, color of the smoke. What I mean? Real extravagant. Something obnoxious. Are you guys going to have kids?
Starting point is 01:15:08 Do you want to have kids? We can't have kids. No kid. No, we tried. Yeah, it doesn't. We're fucking around. It can't go through the butthole for some reason. I don't even know.
Starting point is 01:15:16 It's not a loop. I know we thought it was a loop, but it's not a loop. No, we tried. We can't do it. You being serious? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I try to adopt, maybe.
Starting point is 01:15:24 Would you want to do that? Yeah, but a white slav, you know, a little white Slavic baby? They're given, those are pretty adoptable right now. Not a little Asian kid? Not a little Asian kid? Hey, buddy. I have one.
Starting point is 01:15:36 If I was going to adopt, yeah, I mean, I think that's a whole other thing. Like, I have friends that were adopted, and that's a whole other set of things that come along with it. Sure. So I might, but I don't know. I'm just not sure. The good thing about adoption is you got time. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 01:15:49 Like, I don't have to do whatever. You know what I mean? You're not fighting to buy a lot. There's always a kid wanting to be adopted. Maybe, seriously, maybe. I'd like to adopt a kid that's like 17. Give them one good year. An athlete, get an athlete.
Starting point is 01:16:00 Yeah, dude. You know what I mean? Get them up to Shamanad, one of those high schools. If you adopted a kid and years later they want to find their biological thing. Yeah, that's what's tough. Would that hurt your feelings? No, if the adoption is open or closed, right? Some of them are...
Starting point is 01:16:13 Even if it was closed, they're like, you know what, dad? You're a great dad. I mean, even though, you're so angry sometimes. But anyway, you know, I'm going to look for my biological family. Is that okay? Yeah, that's good. Go back to China. Is that what you want?
Starting point is 01:16:27 Hold on, Bobby. Go back to China. I'll send you right back. I'll put you in the box that you came in and I'll send you right back. You'll be on the bottom of a Hyundai trailer. See that attitude you're doing right now? That's the reason why I want to find my biological parents because this is not the way you talk to me. Wait, hang on.
Starting point is 01:16:41 Well, you're the only kid I know that didn't get into Mississippi State. How about that? Back to China. Hang on. So the kid you would adopt would be. The kid that you would adopt would be a bad actor? Is that what's going on here? What was that accent?
Starting point is 01:16:55 What was that accent? You're better than that. No, no. Cleveland, dude. That's it. Yeah, that is a outside of Cleveland. Well, let me do it again. I was a kid.
Starting point is 01:17:03 Do Australian. No, do Australian. Yeah, I got an Australian kid. Or do British. I'll give me that. Make it easy. Cockney. That's not Cochney.
Starting point is 01:17:13 That's not Cochney. Brother, he's not getting dialects. Datee? Yes, son. I want to find my biological family. Oh, they're in China, I told you that I thought I was British, Dante. Well, you are, you're a British Chinese kid.
Starting point is 01:17:28 You do a kid then. Don't do it, kid. Yeah, don't. Were your gay parents, we adopted you? This is a fantasy we play out all the time. Yeah, there's a fantasy. You're 18 years old now, and you're telling us. Telling you what?
Starting point is 01:17:41 That you want, I'm gay, and I want to all hook up? Sure. That's the kind of porn I like, by the way. Step parents' porn? Very nice. I did see on TikTok today a montage of kids coming out to their parents and their parents being so supportive. It made me cry. That's awesome.
Starting point is 01:17:58 Was there any one not one not supportive though? That's why that's not that montage I saw. Those are my favorite one. What? Yeah. No! Not in my house. That's crazy when that happens when you hear that shit.
Starting point is 01:18:09 How could somebody, not even that, like, kick them out? Oh, I can't believe that. I had a buddy when I first moved to L.A., this guy that I met his parents sent him to pray away the gay camp. Oh, that's crazy shit Yeah, dude But he made him more gay He's a bunch of gay guys in the woods Yeah, it's awful
Starting point is 01:18:24 It's like there was never gonna fix anything It's a fuck party And his mom used to say wild shit She'd come We lived in the same complex His mom would come and visit And she'd be like How come he can't get
Starting point is 01:18:34 A pretty girl like the girl you're dating And I had to fucking Keep up the lie I was like I think he loves being single Oh really she didn't know No they fuck They're just a denial Yeah sure
Starting point is 01:18:45 Sheer denial But don't parents know You would think can usually smell a gay in your house yeah I'm just like dad sure yeah you ever go over to your friend's house and they're like my son Riley he's like hello you're like
Starting point is 01:18:59 oh yeah I thought his parents already knew you like dancing Riley yeah I think they know from a young age yeah of course you know I'd just be like yeah I know that already kid yeah get the fuck out of what if now pick your beans what if your son came to you said dad I think I'm gay
Starting point is 01:19:17 what do you say I'd be okay with it Yeah, great. Yeah. Would you be disappointed at all? I'd start calling my daughter, but sure, no, I'm kidding. No, I mean, I think, I don't know. I'm three months in. It'd be weird if he did, you know, if he told me now.
Starting point is 01:19:29 Oh, it's coming for five months. That's what they do, five months. You were, maybe it was like, I got gay good. So stupid, dude. I like. Starts listening to Chapel Rhone. Yeah, I don't know. I would be fine.
Starting point is 01:19:41 You'd have to be fine. I don't know. Yeah, you'd have to be fine. I'm a progressive guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course. My best friend's gay. Right.
Starting point is 01:19:47 Sure. on the weekend sometimes You never tried What? You never tried To flip the other side Of the menu as Charlie Shere Great line
Starting point is 01:19:54 We were talking We were discussing that Great line That whole thing is fantastic Doing your show Doing your show One of the most fun I remember doing it
Starting point is 01:20:02 And being like Oh yeah I want to go That'll be fun It'll be cool And then I did it And I was like That's one of them A best most inventive
Starting point is 01:20:07 Podcasts on the internet Your rhythm is perfect You guys's relationship Is fucking amazing I'm seeing you guys We love you guys I love you guys Seeing you guys grow
Starting point is 01:20:15 And I was also like This is some people take off and you're like when no you know what I mean when it happens to someone you're like yes good yeah that is the go this should be the big thing go go go we love you guys so much everybody in the comedy pod
Starting point is 01:20:29 community little sphere has been so great to us and nobody's jealous nobody's you know high tides raise all ships yeah and that was an away game we want you in the studio when you in New York I come to New York yeah I did it both of you did it in the old studio you got a nice big I know but I didn't I went to the side of one studio Yeah, yeah, yeah, take it easy, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:20:49 Nice. We'd love to have you back. Where's the new studio at? Midtown. Second biggest comedy podcast. It's bigger than the city. It's bigger than. Seriously?
Starting point is 01:20:56 Bigger than Shultes, yeah. Wow. But Shultes is, oh, for the game. Come for the king. Sheltzies is way nicer, and his staff is all cool as shit and gorgeous. They're all minorities. You guys have only whites. That's why I want to go to RU.
Starting point is 01:21:07 No, we got an Italian guy. We got an Italian. We don't eat with them, but, you know. You guys want to promote anything? Uh, yeah, check out the pod. are you garbage wherever we do twice a week public and then Patreon as well we have a very active Patreon
Starting point is 01:21:23 and we're on tour right now back on the block tour all tickets available to are you garbage dot com it's stand up and we play AIG with the crowd and we have a special Route 66 special which is a combination of all that and we each have half hours on our page go see the kids are you garbage.com is where you can get all that
Starting point is 01:21:40 information we'll put the link in the description down below for the fans we appreciate you guys we love you guys thank you for being garbage friends Love you. Thank you for being part of garbage, fan. And say, into that camera at the same time, say, thank you for being a bad friend. Thanks for being a bad friend. Good boys.
Starting point is 01:22:15 I don't know. BOR. BOR.

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