Bad Friends - Dimorphous Expression w/ Are You Garbage?
Episode Date: October 6, 2025Get MORE Bad Friends at our Patreon!! https://www.patreon.com/c/badfriends Thank you to our Sponsors: SimpliSafe, Kachava, Zocdoc, ShipStation & Cash App • SimpliSafe: now, our listeners can save ...50% on a SimpliSafe home security system at https://SimpliSafe.com/BADFRIENDS. • Kachava: Go to https://kachava.com and use code BADFRIENDS for 15% off your next order. • Zocdoc: Stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to https://Zocdoc.com/BADFRIENDS to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. • ShipStation: Upgrade to ShipStation today to get a sixty-day free trial at https://www.shipstation.com/badfriends. • Cash App: Download Cash App* Today: https://capl.onelink.me/vFut/hhm54e0a #CashAppPod YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube Audio Subscribe: https://apple.co/31Jsvr2 Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com 0:00 Triangle of Face Sadness 5:00 Captain Beefheart 10:00 Bombing In Front of Celebrities 15:00 3 Cartwheels 20:00 You Forgot My Birthday? 25:00 Hurricane Hook Ups 30:00 We're Getting Raptured 35:00 Dimorphous Expression 40:00 Pier 11 45:00 Are You Garbage? 50:00 Small Piece 55:00 Denied at Dixie 1:00:00 Bottom Bunk Guy 1:05:00 Bad Gigs 1:10:00 Playing the Field 1:15:00 Finding Our Biological Parents More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbylee.live More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Fancy SOS VHS: https://www.youtube.com/@7EQUIS Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fancyb.1 More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ *As a Cash App partner, I may earn a commission when you sign up for a Cash App account. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App’s bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. Visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures. Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: 7EQUIS https://www.7equis.com/ Podcast Producer: Andrés Rosende This video contains paid promotion. #bobbylee #andrewsantino #badfriends #sponsored #ad Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Hey, bad friends, come see me live.
I'm running around the country.
I'm going to be in San Francisco at the punchline at the end of October, Halloween weekend.
Then I'm in Brea.
Brea, come out and see me, Brea, California, November.
Tempe Improv, returning to Arizona State.
I'm in Hammond, Indiana, and November around Thanksgiving.
Windsor, Ontario, Canada, Bethlehem, PA, Hanover, Maryland, Atlantic City, New Jersey.
And then Valley Center with the Harrah's down there in Southern California by San Diego.
And then also Canyonville, Oregon, in Philadelphia.
February. And then finally, win casino. I'm at the win in Las Vegas in March. Come see me at the win in Las Vegas, baby. Andrew Santino.com for those tickets. Andrew Santino.com. You two are bad friends. You two are bad friends. I went to the doctor last night. I know what happened though? Two nights ago. Well, I saw a close up. Is there a wife beating you? Are you okay? Blink twice?
Of all people that talk about their wife beating them
You're the biggest I've ever met
You're king, you're king, you get pegged every night
Because I want to
No
That's what they all say
It's sexual assault every night, dude
No, you know what it is?
A tear
So we guessed what this was in my eye
My eye got worse
It's called blephoritis
Blethoritis
How do you get it?
Infection of the gland within the eye
Could have been like dirt or whatever got up in my eye
Yeah
And then Bobby touched you
Bob I touched you
He's on one today
You want to fight today?
Yeah, I did
I miss it
Yeah
He said something to me earlier
I had to physically assault him
What do you say?
It was something about
Ah
Yeah, yeah
You got a lot of nerve, dude
You got a lot of nerve, dude
I went into the urgent care
Urgent care took no less than
two and a half three hours
To even get in
And the woman gets in and goes
Who poked you in the eye
Really?
And I said life
And she goes
Oh, that's a good one
And she goes, this looks infected
It actually looks pretty bad
We should get this
Medicaid
Here this is the worst part
when you go to a doctor. She goes, we're going to get you eyedrops. You have to do two every
four hours, two in your eye, right? And antibiotics, just general amoxicillin or whatever.
I go, great, we should knock it right out, right? Like, I've had styes or whatever before.
She goes, yeah, we don't want it to spread. And I was like, why would you say that?
She's like, well, if it spreads, it can go to your brain.
Whoa. And you can die.
Whoa! You know what they say, too?
This triangle of your face, when you get acne, and if you pop it, you could die too.
What?
Yeah.
Where?
It's called
The Triangle of Face Sadness.
Oh, I just saw that movie.
Yeah, no, I'm saying that they're saying that if you pop the shit.
Who is they?
They?
The internet, dude.
Yeah, the internet.
Yeah, my doctor read it.
Dr. Reddit said this.
No.
What is the danger?
What would I just say?
Danger Triangle face.
You shouldn't pop up people on the danger triangle on your nose.
Oh, my nose.
Why?
Why is it so dangerous?
Think of the small segment of your face as the direct line to your brain.
So through the sinus, blood's drained from your brain.
In infection.
in a danger triangle,
like pick from a pimple,
nose piercing gone wrong,
possibility of a facial infection
to become an infection
that impacts the rest of your body.
Can it really kill you?
Don't panic.
You're probably not going to die
from pop it to pimble on your nose,
but technically speaking,
it's impossible.
It's possible.
It's possible technically.
You could get a brain abscess,
brain infection.
Wow, this is real.
Okay, so this thing in my eye, though,
she was like, yeah, no, it's okay.
But I mean, you know,
if it spreads to your brain, you could die.
And I was like, what?
What?
Why would you say that?
Well, the possibilities.
I didn't want to know.
Doctors aren't supposed to give you the possibilities.
Yeah.
Really?
Yeah, I'm the doctor.
Yeah.
Hey, Dr. Lee, yes?
Edel.
Hmm.
Your eye, we looked at your eye.
Yeah, what happened with my eye?
You could die.
My eye, I could die?
You could also go blind.
From blephoritis.
Yeah.
Freddie Mercury?
That's what he had?
Yeah, he had some thing in his eye.
Really?
Yeah.
Why did I go to a doctor behind this gas station?
Listen to me.
I'm a doctor.
Okay.
All right.
You're Mr.
Doctor.
Chevron.
Oh, Dr.
Chevron.
Yeah, welcome to my Chevron station.
You know what?
Sheffron.
Office.
Oh, thank you.
What race do you think that was?
Sudanese.
No?
What do you think?
Bangladesh.
Yeah, East Ethiopia.
Oh, East.
I was doing East Ethiopia, dude.
Yeah, yeah.
Look up gas station robberies now in Shrem and Oaks.
Big thing in the valley here, they're robbing people at gas stations.
I'm not going anymore.
I'm not getting gas.
I'm just running out and then I call AAA.
They gun by.
butted that guy. Some guy had like a Rolex or something on and they gun butted him. Then it just
happened another week ago. Some guy, he got out of his car, gun butted him. They're just robbing
people at gas station. What's a gun butt? What's a gun butt? Yeah. They hit that, they hit you in
the face with it. Oh, the butt of the gun. And let me say this to a thief. Yeah.
Just shoot me. Don't gun butt me in the head. I don't want to fucking just kill me. Shoot me, baby.
Are gun butts?
knock you out.
The butt of a gun is heavy.
They're hitting you in the face with a gun.
And what are they taking?
Your car?
Anything.
They've taken car, jewelry, clothes, cash.
Close.
They left a man naked and Van Nuys.
That's why when I pump gas?
Don't pump gas.
I have a lighter.
You do.
And I have the fucking thing, dude, right?
Gun butt me, dude.
Right?
Vietnam monk.
Remember those Buddhist months of Vietnam?
That's what's going to happen.
Yeah, light the whole place on.
You're going to be lit on fire, dog.
And also, there's nothing to steal except for my wallet.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
your car they can steal your car that's bobby gun butt me dog yeah yeah i'm also dude
you know it's so awful what if that was an accident he was just trying to get gas for that guy's
car that ran out yeah gas fuck you know my question is is that like you know why they did that it was
well it was a peaceful protest right no they're protesting the oppressive sagon regime
it's a protest right whatever happened to make just making a sign yeah you know what i mean like protest
that's a little too far from me
Make a sign.
Yeah, yeah.
Like stop Buddhist hate.
That'd be me.
All the people are lighting their selves off fire.
I stopped Buddhist hate right here with the side.
Like that's, don't you think that's extreme?
That's extreme?
Yeah, yeah, dude, a little bit.
The guy lit himself on fire.
Like, I'm a Vietnamese monk.
You're Vietnamese monk, right?
Yeah.
And I go, we got to oppress this.
We have to sign.
What do you think we should do, Tony?
Yell in the street.
No, no, that's too.
That's not going to do not much.
Okay.
What else do you think we should do?
Get our friends together to bond together
To create the community of people
I have an idea
We shall last half a fire
No
No
Extreme forms of protesting
Cup is violent tactics
Terrorism Welfare Vandalism
Extreme nonviolent
Great album cover though
Rage Against the Machine
That was one of the greatest
Great album
They got a lot of flack for that
Didn't they get a lot of flack for that?
Album covers that got flack
You know what? Interesting topic
Because McCone
You and I were talking the other day
about Push-a-Tee's famous album with a picture of Whitney Houston's dying hotel room.
Daytona.
Did you ever see this?
No, I want to see it.
They had a photo on the cover of this wonderful album by Push-A-T,
and that is the photograph of Whitney Houston's hotel room when she was found dead.
Oh, my God, dude.
And there's bottles of whiskey and vodka, and then whenever there's tinfoil, you know,
tinfoil is no good.
Why?
People smoke crack out of tinfoil.
I put my bubble gum in there
You do
Yeah don't make a
You know what Andrew
Don't make assumptions
You're right
I'm a bit of
The tinfo is there for various reasons
You said I was a good detective
Oh yeah yeah yeah
Oh yeah yeah
Oh the Beatles yesterday and today
Right another controversial
album cover
Do you know why this was controversial
Because there's baby's heads and stuff
No because look who's in the back
It's three in the front
And one in the back
Uh
Little rude
A little rude
Very odd to put him in the back
By the way
Yeah
Why'd they do that?
Aesthetics, composition.
Asthetes, composition.
What's your favorite album?
Astetis composition.
Astetis composition.
What's my favorite album of all time?
No album cover.
Oh.
I'll tell you mine.
Go.
Captain Beavehart, Trout Mask, Replica.
Look it up, dude.
Captain Beefheart, Trout Mask, Replica.
Yeah.
Sounds like one of those mad libs.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, that's pretty cool.
I love that one.
That's good.
I was going to give you something like blood sugar sex magic.
Okay.
I think I like blood sugar sex magic from chili pepper so much
because it was also like a time in my youth.
It was like something about the time of like the sexiness of the album cover.
I don't know why I liked it so much as a kid, but I love that.
It's like, they're all tongue licking of like, I don't know why I thought that was badass.
No, I liked Mother's Milk.
because there was a titty on it.
That one was great too.
Same thing, another chili peppers.
Yeah, dude.
That was a poster.
You go over to some kid's house
named Ryan and he was like,
see my new fucking poster, dude.
My mom's flivid about it, dude.
My dad was like, hang it up.
Could I tell you what just happened
with me and Anthony Kitas?
Yeah.
So I've never talked about this, though.
For some reason, this is 20 years ago.
Chris Rock was in the main room
and Kitas saw me
and then Kitas came up to me
and goes oh you're really funny this and that right
so then Kitas would go around town
just to watch my sets
right? Like following you? Yeah
Same night or many nights? No just throughout the
months. Wow. We're being very friendly
I got his number the whole thing right and then
on the other sudden one day I do this show
at El Cid. I used to love El Cid
right yeah he brought the whole
land out there to come see you yeah wow they're in the front row i bombed so hard is that there is
that no this is a way years later i bombed so hard that he didn't talk to me for like 10 years
after that right i'm not kidding you it was night and day like i ate it that hard no way oh no it was
i still remember the show i remember their faces there was nothing i could do i didn't have the
skill set to dig me out of this hole okay yeah and then he just recently goes because
He has a music observatory thing that he does with Flee.
Yeah.
And they do a yearly benefit show.
And they asked me to host it.
I can't because of Irvine.
And I almost canceled Irvine to do it.
Would you?
No.
Host a benefit show?
Yeah.
You're going to tank at that too.
He's going to see you tank 20 years ever.
Benefit shows suck.
You're right.
That's so hard to do well at.
Yeah.
Because people are kind of uncomfortable and they're there like and they're stiff and
they're dressed up.
It's not like a relaxed atmosphere.
I mean, we like doing benefits, but stand-up, no.
I'd rather just show up, give you money, and be a part of the thing.
Yeah, but you would have done it if you didn't have something to do.
I don't know, man.
I don't like doing those things.
You bomb hard.
You eat shit at those things.
Nobody wants stand-up at a benefit.
They're like, we're raising money for sick kids who have cancer of the brain.
Ladies and gentlemen, Bobby Lee.
It's fucking impossible to do well.
You bomb.
I just, it's bad.
What's your opening line?
What's up, everybody?
what's eating you
God, dude.
Let me tell you guys
what's on my mind.
Step right on that.
Step right on it.
What was it?
I said,
I want to tell you guys
what's on my mind.
God.
Oh, fuck.
After every punch on,
I go, think about it.
Think about it.
Yeah, yeah.
All right.
Rain it in.
That's raining it.
By the way, after you ate shit,
he made stadium arcadium.
So was that your,
fault. Right.
Sorry, dude. Have you ever bomb in front of
someone that you didn't want to bomb in front of?
Famous people? Yeah. I mean,
I bombed in front of rock pretty
horrifically at the store in the OR and I think
from that he's never really
taken me serious because he sat in the bucket seats.
He was staying at the hotel nearby, came over.
Sometimes he stays in L.A. and just doesn't do a spot. Yeah, he'll just come by.
He's so nice. He was in the bucket seats and he watched
me, I mean, torrential.
It was like,
It was so fucking bad.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I brought on Fahim or someone afterwards,
and I'm sure Fahim fucking crushed
because he always does.
And I just was working out new shit in the OR.
And it was late night, dude.
Wait, did you know he was there?
I saw him.
So before you knew he was there?
Yeah, it drove me nuts.
No, no, this is what you do then, dude.
He sat down and I was like, fuck.
Then you go, I have to kill.
Don't do the new stuff.
I have to kill.
It was 1145.
It was like a late spot, and I was like, fuck it.
I was just trying new shit.
Bobby, are there famous people?
every time you perform.
What do you mean?
Is that way you don't do new material?
Oh, this guy.
Okay.
Is he looking for a fight, dude?
Yeah.
Give it to him.
No.
Give it to him.
I have some things I could say about it.
Say it.
No, I don't know.
It's dark stuff.
I know some dark stuff.
And I'm not going to do it.
Because you like to go personal.
Yeah, he really does.
I have so many new jokes.
I know.
It is good.
I told you that last time you left.
Why would you say the joke?
Because you didn't roll down the window or acknowledge me.
me. My point being is this, okay, that I'm doing everything I can to come out with new stuff
and taking risks on stage. And for McCone to say that joke again, it's really hurtful and rude.
You're talking to one of the top 25 working comics today, okay? I just, top of 200. Top of 25.
Thousand. Yeah, we saw this whole thing. And let me clear the air real fast. Let me say something
genuine about this. Theo Vaughn is someone we've known for a long, long time. I can't right now.
I just want to say my piece
I hope he's okay
I just texted he texted me yesterday
I know I texted him too
but I'm saying like
I texted him
that doesn't mean shit
he's going through something very deep
on stage you know that clip is gross
of him saying I'm trying not to take my own life
and I think people think that was like a bit
and I he's really in a dark place
so I we wish him the
the greatest and I was texting with a lot of other comics
because I think it's a yeah
I know there's a comedy show I just I'll wrap it up real fast
I'm just saying I think people don't know
I know I think people don't know
that we some of us suffer from actual real clinical shit and I have I have clinical depression I have
very dark days you guys we guys have lived through my shit he's got it very bad I'm sorry but I think
fucking people just think you're a clown and you're like you're not a human well he's a
fucking human so my heart goes out to the guy because I know he's struggling a lot so we love him
I really do oh sorry sorry to be fucking honest for three seconds on the show what do you know what do you
want to do another Filipino accent? Huh? East Ethiopian is every day. Welcome to Chevro. Whatever.
My Chevro. I'll just say my, okay, so we, the reason why I love Theo so much is that I have the same exact
sensitivities and vulnerabilities as he has. We have the same kind of issues. Yeah. Mentally, you know.
and when I saw that clip
it was heartbreaking
it was so heartbreaking because I understood
where you was at
and I reached out to him
and all I can do is a friend is say
I'm here 24-7 I'm just available
and I'm really concerned for him
I mean he you know he seems to be fine
but I'm still very concerned for him
yeah yeah it's a
it's a very difficult thing to
to survive mental health issues
in this kind of environment
because it's so fucking hostile out there.
Particularly when it's wrapped in fame and success.
I know people are like,
cry me a river rich guy,
but like he's very successful
and he's so famous
and that does a thing to you.
It's like inundation of attention.
And so it really distorts your sensibility sometimes
when you're as, you know,
kind of popular and wanted
and everyone's around you
and they want something.
He needs something.
And I don't think people understand that
And they never, and that's okay.
Also, people don't understand that he is such a kind, soft, sensitive kind of a guy.
Yeah, he has to put, but we all put on that.
He's so mindful about his feelings and about people around him.
He's just a, I just care so much about him.
And you read things about your friends and you just want to say, you got it wrong, buddy, you know?
It's like not him.
Yeah.
And it's like, people say things about me.
me, you, this and that, and I get it, you know, it's, and it's just a double-ed sword.
Yeah, and you love swords.
I love swords, yes.
You're a big sword?
I'm a sword guy, katanas especially.
I did get on a big kick of watching Japanese guys sharpen swords enough to drop a blade through
a pineapple.
I sat for hours on the internet watching this guy sharpen a blade so he could drop it clean through
a pineapple.
Okay, I feel like I can do that.
No, you fucking can't.
Drop a sword onto a pineapple?
Patience.
You have the patience to shave that to a,
fine point. You do not have that.
What do you mean even by you saying this?
He literally would hold the handle and hold the blade and then drop the blade and hold the handle
with his fingertips. You can edit. He doesn't edit. You can edit. You can do it 10,000 times
until you get it. I can do a cartwheel. I could do a cartwheel. Bicycle. Do one.
What is a cartwheel? Show me and I'll do it. Entrance on Letterman. Do it. That's one of
my favorite entrances of all time. Chris Farley, everybody. Look at him. Yeah.
Yes. Look at how perfect. It's so...
Yeah, I can't do it that one. That was insane.
By the way, he tried to do three. Watch, go back.
Yeah, he bailed on the third.
Yeah. God, this guy was the king of fucking comedy.
Go all the way back. Go all the way back. Go all the way back. So we can see it from Fresh.
One, two, watch go three. And then he's like, oh, shit.
God, Farley's the man.
Oh, my God, dude. He was so good. I know.
He was so good.
Going over to Spade's House and seeing that jacket, the fat guy in a little coach,
jacket. And then he falls off the back of the chair. I mean, that jacket I told Spade,
I was like, I know you'd never sell that. But I mean, good God, I'd pay so much money.
If he was still alive, we would probably know him. Do you think or no? I don't know if you'd
know us, but I mean, if he was still alive, he'd be the most famous comedian in the world.
Yeah. I mean, you would still probably, he could be at Spade's House one day and you could say
hi. Yeah, that's how we could see him at Spade's House. But also, he probably wouldn't. Yeah.
What? I don't know. I just, you know.
When you're in that, what he was, as big as he was, and as much as he was in it,
it was almost like, what's the other side of that look like when he gets clean?
You know, you probably go away from comedy.
You get clean and you level out.
Right.
Because it was so much.
He'd be on the Olympic, no?
100%.
Yeah, yeah.
You and him would be doing Oz commercials together.
Oh, Zem.
Good.
Look at the lineup.
Tommy Boy, Beverly Hills Ninja, Black Sheep, Cone heads, almost heroes, Wayne's World,
Airheads, Wayne's World, too.
God, dude, the guy was literally just getting started.
And, as we know, Shrek.
The original voice of Shrek, we talked about it on the show before.
Oh, so he didn't do, because at one point, you tried to go serious.
He didn't do it like a serious role.
No, the only role that he...
Eventually, he would have, you know what I mean?
Totally.
Like, the whale too.
Super whale.
The blue whale.
What?
Okay.
God rest of dead.
I'm sorry, that was mean.
God.
What?
Too soon?
No, it was good.
Okay.
But even like John Candy did JFK, and he was great in that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what I'm saying.
John Candy showed moments of brilliance in every comedic role, but he did serious stuff all the time.
The difference was Farley had soft and fun, sweet moments, nothing like Candy.
Candy and Uncle Buck, Candy in Plains Trains, Candy and fucking, Candy in Home Alone.
Dude, the guy, he showed moments of, like, unbelievable, cool runnings, a movie that was such a wacky.
He was sweet in that.
Yeah. One of the greatest.
One of the greatest.
One of the greatest.
Him, John Candy, John Goodman to me, when as a kid, were two, like, the coolest funny guys.
And Goodman wasn't your traditional comedic actor, but he was so funny.
Yeah.
Like, King Ralph is one of the best movies I think I've ever seen.
Conceptually, I don't know why we haven't done that again.
Why haven't we done King Ralph again where a fucking regular Midwest, like, blue-collar guy inherits the keys to the royal kingdom?
Isn't that a genius concept?
Your great uncle left you the keys to the kingdom.
Yeah.
Is that not even listed on his filmography?
King Ralph.
I remember as a kid watching Stripes.
I know he wasn't in that.
I fucking love Straps.
But those movies.
This movie was so good.
Which one?
King Ralph.
I never saw King Ralph.
Oh, dude, it's so fucking good.
Who's in it?
John Goodman.
What?
John Goodman, Peter.
How did we go from Candy to Goodman?
I said these two guys were kind of comedic heroes when I
was a kid. I didn't see that trying to listen to a word I'm saying I was trying to
I'll take can I tell you why I'll tell you what just happened you disconnected I just
not only did disconnect somebody picked up the phone and the internet cut out yeah mom I'm on the
fucking no I was trying to think of the movie Stripes so while you were talking about the
whole thing about Goodman I was like not even listening I was like what is that movie you never
listen to me of course I do we go bang bang boom bang bang when's my birthday October 6th
No.
Don't look at your phone.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's not October 6th?
No.
It's got to be October 6th, dude.
It's not.
October 16th, fuck!
10 days, but I knew it was 6.
Yeah, that was true.
October 16th.
Are you upset?
I didn't know?
Yeah.
Simply safe.
Oh, my God.
Safe is real security that stops crime before it starts.
So you gave me Simply safe.
I did.
We helped you install it in the house.
You installed it, right?
And I have a couple of Filipinos living at the house.
You have too many Filipinos.
And seven animals, right?
And now I feel completely safe.
Because you're, you guys, you got to know, if you want to trust something, you got to trust
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Let's take old movies like that and see some of the new comics that could fill those shoes.
Okay. It's very injured.
Three amigos.
Oh, my God.
Me, you.
No.
Okay, you're right.
I mean, it wouldn't...
I'd like to put us in something
because I can't get any work.
I know me either.
But I get some fucking work.
But they would...
Imagine a studio.
You and I could do Plains Strange Automobiles
and it would be fucking amazing.
That'd be amazing.
I mean, how much more
am I Steve Martin to his John Candy?
I mean, genuinely.
Yeah.
We'd have to get you off the Azempic though.
I'd have the game weight.
You'd have a game wait to make it funny.
But don't think your studio would be like,
okay, three amigos.
Let's go to Sedecas first.
Let's go to these kind of people first or no.
Yeah, but that's fucking boring.
I know that's not a shot at him.
That's what they would do.
Give me someone.
We're making our world.
Now, I'm just saying, from a studio.
What are you, a studio exec now?
Yeah, from a studio exhibit, I would be like,
Santino or Sadecas, probably Sadecas.
All right, let me say this.
Our ecosystem, our ecosystem that we're talking about.
You have friends that we know.
All right, so here we go.
Three amigos.
Well, you're obviously the, you're obviously the Chevy Chase part and fucking three.
I mean, that would, what I would want.
Yeah.
Who's Steve Martin then?
Steve Martin would be.
Nate Bergotsie
Perfect
Yeah
And then you are
Little Nettie Needelander
No
There's no way
They would pick me
It's for us
Who are you talking about
We're casting this move
No no
I'm going to be the bargattender
Freddy asparagus is part
Freddy Spargas
Yeah
Yeah smile
Yeah smile
Who would be
Who would be little
Nettie Nettolander
Oh yeah
Who would be that
Martin Short
Nettie Nettelander
Who would be him
I want to be
Dusty Bottom
So bad
That's a tough
That's a tough
And who would be
Patrice Martinez, the one of the, the first girl that he falls in love with, that Steve falls in love with. Who would be her? Oh, shit. Uh,
In Angela Johnson. Angela Johnson. No, I'm trying to think of a, yeah, it's got to be like, uh, who's the most famous, uh, Latino comedian?
Angela Johnson. Oh, Sophia Nino di Rivera. What? Annabelle Ferreira. I mean, I don't know any of these. I mean, fancy, shouldn't you know?
Sophia Nino
de Rivera
Shut up
It's so annoying
Wow
Yeah
You'll be her
Have her on the show
Hey is this hurricane
Gonna hit Florida
Or is this bullshit
Let's fucking
Dude more hurricanes
Remember that
When we were kids
I feel like it happened
All the time
Hurricane
What is that
Imelda
Forecasters are monitoring
Hurricane Imelda
Which is
Am I saying that right
Imelda
Why do you think
They name it names
Like that
And it goes
In alphabetical order
Hurricanes are given
names to improve public and professional communication making storms easier to identify track and
discuss, especially when multiple storms are active. Right, because they've got, sometimes there's
three hurricanes going on at the same time. I like when they combined. Oh, when they hook up.
Oh, that's my favorite. When they hook up. Yeah, yeah. When they don't know and then when they combine,
they're bigger. They're a hurro orgy. Yeah, yeah. A little hoorgy. That's a movie where like six come
into one. Or you have two natural events happen. Earthquake and. So two hurricanes that meet,
You know, and then an earthquake in the ocean.
Love.
Which causes a tsunami.
It just happens, right?
And there's a tornado sweeping through the Midwest.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Fires on the West Coast.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then it just happens at one place.
And then we all die.
No, just it'll happen in a...
Oh, okay.
Rapture.
Rapture.
Oh, yeah, what happened to the rapture?
What happened to the rapture?
What happened to the rapture?
Excuse me.
Yeah.
Excuse me.
What happened, though?
Did anyone...
It said it's back on.
Was anyone raptured?
Here's a new date
that Christians believe in.
Oh, there's a new one?
They got the wrong day.
Wait, it was two weeks ago, right?
Yeah, what day was the rapture?
I don't know.
It was a Tuesday, I think.
Well, let's see.
Go down.
Let's see.
Rapture 2025 prophecy
may be expected to occur
on the 23rd to 24th of September.
That's right.
Didn't happen.
Failed to materialize.
Yeah.
And anti-climax led to dismiss it
a long light of unfulfilled doomsday claims.
However, some believers say,
it's still coming.
South African pastor Joshua Michaela.
Who has been, well, I mean,
that's, I didn't need to,
Joshua Michaela.
I don't know how to say it.
It's like Mahakela.
You know what I did on the 23rd?
I was waiting for the rapture.
I was in my backyard completely naked.
Do you know why I was naked?
Why?
Because when you have your clothes on,
it leaves where you left.
I want that to be a mystery.
Right.
Where's Bobby?
I don't want them to know where I,
you know what I mean?
I feel like if I was raptured,
no one would believe it.
I mean, people would think,
Bob, you're on one.
People are like, he relapsed.
He's on one.
Yeah, yeah.
I don't think that like if people were,
Right? And how stupid would I be? I bet you guys don't get it. He was raptured.
They're like, okay, dude, where is he?
Yeah, yeah. I mean, if you were a raptured, do you think people would believe it?
For sure. I'm rapturable, too.
I don't think you're rapturable, dude.
Come on, dude. I keep tempting the rapture. I think, yeah, yeah. I mean, who would, I don't know, dude.
I'm not rapturable. I don't think so. If I'm not rapturable, you're not rapturable.
Well, you're, okay, fine. A person raptured is according to some Christian beliefs when they're a true believer in Jesus Christ.
Okay, that, that's, I believe in Jesus.
You do. No, you don't.
Oh, damn it!
Is that the prerequisite?
Say it again?
Is that the prerequisite?
I love that.
And you did it good on that second one.
Is that not how he said?
That is a prerequisite to being raptured.
You must believe.
But, okay, what if I have all the other ones except for that one?
Well, you've got to talk to the guy.
Imagine he gets up to fuck.
You know what I mean?
He gets up.
What are the conditions about rapture?
Do you have that?
I think it's just that.
You got to believe.
That's the only thing.
That's it.
You got to accept Jesus Christ as your own.
Lord and Savior and your heart. I just did it. Seriously? Yeah, I just did it, dude. Well, you're
gonna get raptured. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. I don't think you believe that. Oh, wait, no, there's a few.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, hold on, but imagine we all get raptured and we're waiting in line and
and Jesus is like, why's Bobby naked?
We all have clothes on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just like, I'm just like, and one of the
apostles is like, that's a bit he does from his show. And he's like, Jesus, he's
going to give you a pub shot when he gets here. Receive Jesus Christ. You receive the fundamental
steps to believing in Jesus Christ, accept him as your Lord and Savior, and repent for your sins.
Read and study the Bible. No, you don't. Pray and confess. You do. Live a faithful life.
You do. Join a healthy church. You don't. Be patient and endure. You do. Is that it? Just six.
Yeah. No. Yeah. So understand the event. No, it's coming. So we got to get you to a church is
really what it is. Now, so you, do you pray and repent? I pray, too. Yeah, I pray a lot. Yeah,
pray for people. Yeah. I pray for the show that fancy gets replaced. What else do you do? I've never seen
you go to church. You don't talk to God? I've never seen you go to a church every Sunday. What do you mean,
I do? I go to church every Sunday mornings. Do you really go to church every Sunday morning? Have I missed,
how many Sundays have I missed, McCone? McCone knows. I mean, none. Sometimes he comes and watches the dog.
Are you kidding me, dude?
You go to church every Sunday?
What do you...
Okay, okay, stop.
Not if we're on the road.
Stop, stop for a second.
Yeah, we can't on the road,
because I don't want to go...
Stop, stop for a second.
Okay.
May I speak?
Please.
Okay.
That says a lot about our relationship.
Why?
Because you've never invited me.
You don't want me to be saved.
Do you know churches at 8 a.m., right?
It doesn't matter.
You don't want, at least one time, like,
hey, bud, you want to go?
Do you think you could get up at 8 to go to church, for real?
Genuinely.
I go up on Sunday mornings and I go to Third and Gardner, which is an early AA meeting.
I go to that.
That's at 10.30, you said?
Yeah.
Okay, you want to go two and a half hours?
But you think I sleep?
You think I sleep when I go to Third and Gardner?
No, I stay up all night.
Well, that's not good.
That's my point.
I would go if you try to save me, but you don't want me to go.
You don't want me to go to heaven.
I want you to go to heaven.
Yeah, but then why wouldn't you invite me?
Okay, look.
You don't want me saved.
That's fucked up, dude.
I want you to go to heaven, but I do think I've already put in a couple of requests, and they've been denied.
It's invite only?
What do you mean?
Request from Jesus?
It's like Raya.
Like, you can get in, but it's like you've got to have a few people to vouch for you.
And also, if you violate it.
You've been banned.
Yeah.
You got banned from heaven, bud.
But honestly, if you wait a couple weeks, I don't lift the ban.
Can I?
Come with me.
What's the church called?
I'm not telling them on the fucking area.
You want to come?
Yeah.
Let's go.
And what do you wear?
Hadashiki.
What do you mean?
You wear street clothes.
Oh, really?
Wear whatever you want.
There's no rules to church.
That's old school shit.
That's old fucking fuddy-duddy.
It's honestly, I'm so shocked that you go to church.
But you can't wear shorts.
Have you ever seen you?
Jesus don't like knees.
Have you ever seen me wear shorts?
Yeah, not really.
Yeah, exactly.
Actually, now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever seen you.
No, that's not true.
on a beach yes we've gone swimming together and i've seen you in short yeah i know yeah you've seen me
yeah i've seen your little thong yeah cute those little black things we were black thongs
dude they were so funny yeah what's that sexy that's an album cover what is that it's for the bray
oh a flyer for braya yeah god the kid's got a much better body now i got to tell you should
reshoot that photo now you should reshoot some of those old like like nudie photos and
see what you look like now. God, look at how young the kid is. Oh, my God. Look at how young I am.
We want you to be saved. I want you to be saved. And the fans want you to be saved. And I believe
you can do it. Yeah, I want to go. I want to that rapture talk was really scary. And I just, I don't
put it behind. You're going to be saved. You know why? Because you have a good heart and a good
soul. The number one rule of I believe in all religions is to try to be a good person. And you're
a great person. And that is your entry ticket to the, uh, the, the, uh, the, the
afterlife. Yeah, but I've giggled at a couple of funerals before. Funerals can be funny.
But they've been in truth. I've been, I've, every time I'm in a funeral, I do, there's a laugh
attack. Well, yeah, who said that they're supposed to be sad? Yeah. Why, why is there, why are they
sad? Like, my brother and I were at, um, a funeral once and, um, we heard a knock.
Right? Is it closed casket? It was closed casket, but we hurt like that, right? And I looked at my
brother and we just collapsed on the ground. So funny. Started laughing. You're
just funny. I know, but still, you're not supposed to laugh. Do you ever have a laugh
fit when you're not supposed to laugh? Sometimes I laugh when I'm uncomfortable, yeah. Yeah,
because you don't know how to feel. Yeah. You know, like, I learned something the other day
that this is, this, demorphous expression is the phenomenon of displaying two contradictory
expressions or actions in response to a single intense emotion, such as crying when
happier or feeling there or to squeeze a cute object. Yeah, sometimes you feel so overwhelmed.
you do something usually wouldn't.
I laugh sometimes when I want to cry.
Yeah.
You know?
When feelings are too emotional for me.
Dude, demorphous expression.
I've never even heard that before.
What's up, San Diego?
We're demorphous.
It's bawling while they play.
Dormorphous expression.
That's a great band.
Or it's a great album.
Demorphous?
Yeah.
Demorphous expression.
I've literally never learned.
We're learning new shit.
Yeah.
I had someone I know.
they had someone in their family do assisted suicide.
Oh, no.
Which is kind of crazy.
Well, because usually people that do it do it because they have a terminal illness.
And they're like, well, I don't want this to get progressively worse.
I want to say goodbye.
But this is kind of a crazy story.
The person, like, threw themselves a goodbye party or whatever.
You know, these living funerals is like a big thing that people do now.
Yeah.
But they kept pushing back the date of the, because they, you know, had a couple of, you know, had a couple of.
of like secondaries of like, maybe I don't want to, let's move it back a little bit.
What do you mean?
Like they kept changing the date of the assisted suicide because they kind of had
probably a few good weeks or something.
It's fucked up because don't you think after you do that, you'd be like,
all right, I don't want to do it.
Yeah.
If I bailed once, I'm out.
I don't know if I could go through with it.
Yeah, it's a dark thing.
It's crazy.
I'm not, it's just like it's hard.
I don't know how to spin this, but yeah.
Spin it, spin it, spin it, spin it.
It's pretty dark.
Spin it, you got it.
I know it's in there.
Yeah.
I don't like physical pain.
You don't want to experience any physical pain.
I think once the physical pain is just even if morphine or any of these drugs stop working.
Yeah.
I just, I feel like I'm going to move on.
You ever had morphine?
Like when I was in Vietnam?
Like a drip.
Yeah.
Like a drip.
Yeah.
You've had a drip in a bath.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Dude, they gave me that shit when I had my torn ligaments in my legaments in my leg.
Wow.
Yum.
It's unfucking real.
You feel more.
I mean oh it's warm sunshine yeah it makes me go heroin yes yes yes it's not surprising why people
are addicted to all these you know opiates no of course not morphine drip drip the in is the
continuous intravenous administration of the opioid pain medication morphine IV dog drip drip drip
drop a drip drip drip drip drip with that drip drip drip drip drip drip I got that drip I got that drip drip
just two IVs in my arms I got that drip drip drip drip drip I'm just drooling wow it does feel good
it does feel good it's bad news bears you know when you get on it you know they're like
be careful, because it's fun.
You know what?
I think in the last five years of my life,
when I'm 70, I think I'm going to do it.
70? The last five, that's the, what do you talk about?
I think I'm 75, I'm done.
You're living way past 80.
I'm 70.
I think I'm going to go, you know what?
I'm going to liquid it everything.
And I'm just going to shoot heroin.
Please don't.
Yeah, or fentanyl.
There's a new fentanyl.
There's a super fentanyl.
Right?
But I think I'm just going to boom, boom.
You can come over to my little apartment.
I'm going to downsize.
I'm going to downsize.
Yeah.
And I'm just going to drip my way into.
heaven super fentanyl there's a new fentanyl dude super fentany car fentanyl extreme potency
synthetic opioid estimate maybe a hundred times more potent than fentanyl 10,000 times more potent
than morphine damn it's on the streets now give that to me in the hospital dog they're like
Andrew you just have a paper cut I'm like I need it who who took fentanyl was like nah it's not
enough you know what I mean well probably because they're fucking used to it they've they've
their tolerance is too high do a little extra fentanyl then now that's not going to work
Listen, Charlie Sheen was like, I was banging seven gram rocks.
I was like, fucking go.
Yeah.
He couldn't get enough.
That was the greatest documentary.
One of the best, we were talking about that for days.
Dude, it's so good.
That documentary, what a, what a life.
And the thing that got him sober was like incredible.
Yeah, happy he did.
Sheenzy's, a.k.a. Charlie Sheen.
Did you see Jason Bateman's new show, Black Rabbit?
Yeah, everyone was talking about it.
Better good.
Yeah.
It's very good.
And Jude Law.
Yeah.
Dude, law, so good.
Yeah, and the new Paul Thomas Anderson movie, everyone's saying great.
So good.
A lot. People are saying it's good, but I've seen a little bit of other sides.
I've seen people say they don't like it.
Yeah, I'm going to.
You want to go watch it?
I'll go.
Yeah, let's do it this week.
Let's go.
Yeah, I'll watch it.
Would you watch it again?
I'm going to go watch it again.
Wow.
Oh, you are?
Because you have no life.
I like go to movies.
Are you dating anybody right now, or you single?
I'm single.
You've taken anybody out on dates?
No, I like to go to movies by myself because I can get a better seat.
Yeah, I agree. I do like going to movies as well by myself, but you're not seeing anybody at all, huh?
I'm not so often going to date, but I don't know.
You know, why don't you be honest, because you talk to me that how badly you want to have love.
You're, like, interested badly in love.
The problem is the people now watch the show, so.
God, fancy.
Yeah.
You know, I will get you back to Spain pretty fast.
Keep that vibe up.
Yeah, I don't like watching movies with somebody because I get influenced by them.
Yeah.
If they laugh or if they, yeah.
Yeah, I'll be sitting next to somebody.
Like, I was watching Superman with, like, three other people.
my brother dumbfounded and Gene
and I'm watching it
I'm like I'm trying to get into it
What's that combined IQ in that room?
Sorry, I'm trying to get into it
Fuck you
Dude, that's my friend group, dude
And family, what the fuck?
Your brother dumbfounded
Gene Hong is
Yeah, he gets you over 100
Yeah
And I turn to my brother
And my brother just goes
Yeah
As soon as he did that
I was like, oh it's bad
No, that's just
And then it ruined the whole
thing. I know. You know what I mean? Or like
somebody will just be like, their eyes
closed. Yeah. Yeah. I took my
dad to Lord of the Rings, the two towers.
Sleeping. Dude. Because he had never
seen the first one or the third one. Right?
Because the third one wasn't out.
And I just remember
just opening, what going on? Right?
In the beginning. Just watch. And then like five minutes in he's just
deep and asleep. Gone. Yeah, but he works a lot.
He has no interest in, you know what I mean?
What was?
was he interested in?
He's never seen a movie.
You know, my dad was one of those immigrants that was like,
he doesn't know what music is.
I've talked about this before.
I know, but it's so funny, not his music.
He doesn't know what music is.
He doesn't know what music is.
He turned it on.
He's like, ha!
I mean, yeah.
But right before he died, right?
I had AirPods.
The translation ones?
The new one?
No, no.
It was no, no.
And he was like.
They finally communicated.
I know what you're saying.
After all those years.
Cheers. I love Radiohead.
Yeah. In a rainbows is amazing.
Yeah. Weird fishes. What's this? I know. Yeah. So he, we put in Eric Clapton.
Reckoner. Sorry. Yeah. Reckoner's. We put Eric Clapton. What's that song? Tears in heaven.
Tears in heaven. Oh, God. Put it in. We play it. Never heard music before in his life.
I mean, obviously he's in the elevator in a mall.
He hears it in the ambiance of it.
Pure 11.
Pure 11.
Pure 11?
Your dad dies.
He gets to the pearly gates.
He's like, pure 11.
I'm sorry, sir.
What do you keep singing a song?
Yeah.
Did he smile through the song?
Did he take it?
No.
And he's like, we play.
And he's like kind of sitting there.
And then.
A single tear.
No.
I swear to God,
comes out of his face.
And it was the first time he had.
Would you know,
who you know my name,
if I saw you heaven?
Go.
You take the next one.
Would it be the same?
If I saw you in heaven,
I must be strong.
hug goes.
I must be strong
and carry on
because I know
I don't be wrong
he'll be
brother and this is about
his kid falling out a window.
Yeah, we didn't explain that to him.
He was doing cocaine
on a balcony.
I don't know what the story was.
Was he doing cocaine?
I don't know.
He loved cocaine.
Traditionally.
He wrote a song about it
but it's about his son
falling out of a fucking 50-third-story apartment.
How do you move on after that?
God.
How do you move on after that?
53 floors like this.
No.
I mean, so long.
That's...
So many stories.
It's the funniest thing I've ever seen.
I'm sorry.
Oh, my God.
It's so long.
How long is that?
That's a long time.
long time, man. No, my God. No. That's so fun, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Forever. Yeah.
Whoa. Whoa. Look who's here. Come on in, Prince. Sit down in these chairs. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Did you guys lock the door? No, we left it open for you. What's wrong with that? You don't like that?
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Is your hair wet or just greasy?
Wet.
Okay.
Hey, you look good though.
Look at the lettuce on the kid.
Don't get defensive.
He's doing all right.
Ask you a fucking question, man.
Your hair looks good too.
Looks nice.
I want to feel like it.
It does.
You cut it.
It looks stylish.
Introduce our fucking guest.
Kevin Ryan H. Foley from R.U. Garbage.
Hey.
Ladies gentlemen, are you garbage in the house?
Thank you, thank friends.
Thank you.
Love the chair.
Happy to be here.
Do you like the chair?
Hate the chair.
Why do you hate the chair?
Because I'm a fat pig.
I feel like Biggie.
This is what Biggie felt like this whole career.
Give me the loot.
That's the one phrase he knows.
I'm not kidding.
He says that every week.
It's the only thing I know.
That's great.
Because that came off quick.
I was like, damn, Bobby's a question.
Yeah, yeah.
Why do you say mean diminutive stuff about yourself?
Yeah, dude.
I'm all fatty.
You're successful now.
You feel,
You feel, are you bigger than you were before?
I'm actually going on the way down.
I started Zepbound, what, six weeks ago?
What's it called?
Zepbound.
Yeah.
Is it like Ozmpic?
He's on, he'll go over.
Yeah, me too.
You are?
You on it?
I'm down 40 pounds.
What do you mean?
You always look good, though.
I've never seen.
I blew up.
Really?
Yeah, mine.
I'm down 30.
I'm down 30.
You look great.
You're down 30.
Can you see?
Yeah.
I told you that as soon as I came in.
The hair looks good.
He looks good.
You look Hollywood.
You're 35 pounds this guy's got off now.
30 30s yeah thanks what would you get the biggest where you were at uh probably 250
shut the fuck up wow how tall you five uh yeah 5 11 probably like right on smidge under six what
wow 250 that's just big okay as many times boozing a lot boozing eating good food it's like you know
you have the roundest eyes i've ever seen thanks bud you not so much yeah zingers
bring them out bring them out and fully your eyes are pretty Asian-y
really to me right yeah it's more Japanese it's more Ronan okay yeah you know I mean like a bigger
samurai I like that yeah yeah I will say if you gain weight it does smush your eyes a little bit
when you lose some fucking weight those things are going to be big yeah beautiful eyes are you thinking
about getting the injection what do you mean injection oh no you're I mean you're already on it
I'm on it yeah is it the same thing as ozimic and no it's different the side effects aren't his
bad and um yeah it's zep bound is a brand name for the prescription medication
tear zeppatide used for chronic weight.
Okay, let's go down to, let's see what the side effects are.
Generally consider safe when used of the directed,
but comes with the potential side effects.
Nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, constipation.
You already have all these.
He got all that stuff to begin with, you know, that's all I'm.
And it made me gay.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, no shit?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, it's awesome.
Yeah.
And then you guys are sharing hotel rooms.
Fatigue and hair loss.
You got a lot of lettuce.
Who cares?
You're fine.
The constipation I have a problem with.
Brutal.
Yeah, yeah.
Brutal.
It's brutal.
It's brutal.
Metamusel for it.
Yeah.
The combat.
They'll be good three days.
Remember that I celebrated it?
Oh, yeah.
No.
Yeah, three days.
And I sent you a poop photo.
Yeah, it was nice.
Yeah, it was a celebration.
Saved it, printed it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's the kind of relationship.
We have.
You get clogged up?
On this, not so bad.
The Ozepic, it was brutal.
It was like I was getting chemo.
That's why I had to stop.
Did you throw up to?
Oh, I was throwing up.
The epic was awful.
Awful.
Awful.
No, you're on it too, huh?
Same thing?
Buddy, I don't have a fucking one side effect.
Great on Zepbound or on that bound you guys are both on it you guys sponsor by do a read real fast into the camera. Are you a fat piece of shit?
You have no self-control? You want to see your dick look a little bit bigger get on Zep bound. Is your dick look bigger?
No, same size. Really? You don't get it. There's no more life in it. 30 pounds, 25 pounds came out of my penis. I had a very thick penis. Yeah, yeah. Sorry to hear. Boys spam cans. Yeah. You can't change that. You know what I mean? That's, you know, hey. It's genetic.
No, as you lose weight, it looks bigger.
Mine's starting to look a little bigger.
You've seen that Sydney-Sweeney commercial.
He's like, my jeans, my jeans are Asian.
You know, I don't like it.
Fuck you.
I don't like what we're doing right now.
I'm not making it funny.
I got a small piece myself.
I don't have a small piece.
That's the thing.
That's the thing.
Me either.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wait, wait, I don't have one.
That's the thing.
I know.
Yeah, me too.
For my body structure?
Sure.
Very good.
Okay.
Like, you know, like Spud Webb.
Okay
Your dick and jump eye
I'm just saying
Obviously Spudweb is not going to have
Shaquilone's
Yes he is
Historically you've never heard of this
This guy has a fucking pipe
It fell out of his shorts
One time when he was dunking
The confidence you need to jump that high
Is a little guy
Yeah
How tall was Spud web?
He's got a big one
Five six
Five six
Wow
God what the man
Huh
It was great
Twitter's been feeding me
A lot of Asian porn lately
I don't know why
Twitter's feeding him
Amen
He's obsessed that there's
like full-blown porn on Twitter it's crazy he's like all over you know there's porn on the internet
I know but something about Twitter it's yeah two minutes why do you like it so much you think just
because it's like you're reading about news and disaster shit and then you get off to a little Asian
foot down I don't know it's awesome I love it what's your favorite kind of porn yeah of
Asian yeah of Asian yeah Japanese yeah Japanese Korean and wait wait Japanese goes number one of course
in terms of porn oh Japanese is always number one everybody no no no no no no Japanese girls
anime anime anime
Japanese has always been number one
It's number one forever
Then three
A pop's making a move though
Yeah it is making a move
Not good enough
That girl Rose is beautiful
Who?
Who?
You know what I'm talking about?
Why are you looking at me
Like I know everything
Like he's a fucking expert
In every Japanese porn star
Yeah yeah
What is it called Rose what?
Her name's Rose
She does the song with
Bruno Mars
Oh
Apata
Bobby you don't know this
Yeah
Oh she's gorgeous
Gorgeous
Gorgeous
Great singer too
Would you leave you
your wife for her?
Absolutely, yeah.
Throw it all away right now.
We do you really throw it over it.
Kevin, how about you?
What? No.
No.
No, you're not going to leave your wife for Rose?
No.
No.
No one girl.
And of course I wouldn't.
Oh my God.
Teddisfift.
What, Kev?
What?
I wouldn't, no, no, no, no.
You don't like Asian girls?
No, I do like Asian.
I used to, I've dated in Asian.
It's the top thing we talked about it before, yeah.
Yeah.
Well, White's number one on your list, isn't it?
You always say keep it white
That's what he says
You're married to a white
I'm married to a white
Yeah yeah yeah yeah
She's a good looking she's a good looking
Yeah I'm not questioning that
I'm questioning the racism
He just did the Trump
She's a good looking
She's a good look at her
She's good
What's been going on with the dogs
I haven't seen you guys in a long time
On tour running around
On tour the back on the block tour
Getting by
Is what we're doing
What are talking about
You guys are cruising
Rough summer
Why? Why did you tour in the summer?
We didn't tour in the summer. We were off.
Kippy had a baby.
Oh, congratulations. The first one?
Yeah, first one. Oh, my God.
The white one, too. Let's guess the name.
Yeah.
We'll get, we'll do.
Donovan.
That's really good.
A big McNabb guy.
Chat.
You're attacking my whiteness?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, because you're an artist.
I'm an artist?
Yeah, it's going to be a little arts.
I call a guy fat for a little.
Yeah, yeah.
And I used to be able to.
Yeah.
You call him fat.
I do the Asian thing.
Devin.
Devin.
Devin.
Yeah.
What is it?
What?
The baby's name.
Marcus.
Marcus.
No, we went with Dan.
Dan.
Daniel.
Danio.
Daniel.
You went with Dan?
Daniel.
Why?
He was going to go with Earthquoise.
I don't know that.
I ain't never met a bitch named Cardaliza.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Mr. Pat?
Mm-hmm.
I mean, was that a hard struggle to come up with Dan?
Irish.
It's an old Irish
That's how we do it
Okay
Yeah
That's how we do it
That's some Irish pig shit
But it's not like I'm gonna fucking
Name my kid
Chong
Should
Chong Lee
Ching and Chong would be amazing
Yeah
Good name, good boy
Strong lad
It's a family name
You're gonna do this whole fucking game
Where people are like
Using the top birth
Percentile of us
All that bullshit
He's a big family
He's already on this
Yeah see
I know that's 99
He's 99
Well let me guess the weight
The weight was
Him?
450
The weight of Dan
Your boy
Went full term
I'm born I don't remember
I don't know any of the what
yeah yeah I don't know
but age when you look at the baby
does it look like family
does it look like you
no yeah does it feel like do you love the baby
I mean he's your best friend right
one of your best friend yeah
adorable Irish baby so if Kevin
passed away
would you
I always love coming and talk to these guys
would you take care would you take care
would you take care he wouldn't let me
so who's the godfather
don't you have a godfather not yet
you gotta be
it's gotta be it's gotta be
I got, I want to go my brother.
No, no, no, no, it's got to be it.
Let me push for age.
No, he's got to be his brother.
No, I would love to hear this.
Please state your case, Mr.
Mr. what?
You're going to say something.
Go ahead.
Well, Chong or whatever it is.
I say, Bobby Lee, my good dear friend.
Okay.
I don't know your brother, so this is tough.
He's on that super fentanyl we were talking about earlier.
Would you give me your kid if you passed away?
I mean, he would be first in line.
Yeah, he's not him.
Yeah.
What do you mean?
My relationship with him?
You don't have the same relationship with age?
I do.
But I'm not Andrew.
That would be like if...
I don't even know what that means.
What is going on?
That would be like if Andrew left his kid with you.
I would.
Yeah.
Andrew would leave my kid with him.
I leave my kid with him.
Okay.
Yeah.
And he would make my godfather.
I would leave my kid with him, but not the other way.
Yeah.
What's your fucking problem?
Because he has better prospects.
Yeah.
Oh.
And I'm an idiot.
I'm a moron.
You're my only prospect.
You're not a moron, buddy.
There's no chance.
I don't know.
It seems like they're turning against me.
You don't think.
He don't seem like a moron.
You're not a moron, dude.
Name me a state and city in Kansas.
And see, the question is confusing.
Kansas City.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Kansas City.
Yeah, exactly.
So, boom.
Boom, Bound being.
Capital California.
Fuck.
It's not L.A.
It's, uh,
touch with an S.
Stop.
Sacramento.
There it is.
There we go.
You know what?
Take my baby.
Yay.
Thanks, buddy.
I knew that's all it took.
I would want that, but no.
That would be bad.
Do you have kids?
You don't have kids?
No kids.
No kids.
Ask me a question.
What is the capital of Pennsylvania?
Pittsburgh.
No.
Oh, fuck.
Do you know?
Name something that comes with hot pot.
Hot pot?
Yeah.
Potatoes.
Pretty good.
That's actually very funny.
We tried this one time.
We did the, are you smarter than the fifth grader?
We lost.
We failed every fucking question.
Yeah, we did it on Patriot.
But are you guys, are you guys college graduates?
Yeah.
I am, I went to Temple.
That's a good school.
What about you?
I flunked out sophomore year.
God is good.
Where?
Widener University.
Shout out to him.
Played football.
Hey.
Wydenner?
Yeah, Widener's awesome.
All right.
You know it?
I went to Skinnier.
Our rivals.
I hate those bastards.
We beat you guys all the time.
I could never catch them.
The game's over, I guess.
No, I went to Arizona State, dude.
I'm a fucking, I'm a dumbo bumbo.
Yeah, it's a big dummy.
People always say that.
Not in Arizona.
I think they're awesome schools.
No, wow.
They're fun.
Hot shit.
It's a party school.
Don't have like a lazy.
River? That was like always the big thing. It was a great rumor. And they also said 90% acceptance
rate. Let's go. That's pretty good. Can you check Temple Universities? Yeah, it's got to be like 30.
I bet it's under 50. It's, it's, it's really. They have like, they have like 500,000 students.
They have like the biggest. Oh, you're just as high as us. Wow. Hey, what's the school, what school has
the highest acceptance rate. Do that. I want to know what that is. Let's take a guess. My guess would be
Florida State. Uh, yeah. Got to be a state. No, but it's like, uh, Penn State maybe. No, they just have
so many.
Oh, yeah, college of Staten Island, yes.
Sunni, yeah, yeah, that makes...
Sunnis is like that...
98% rate of University of Mississippi
is cited within 98%
so everyone could go to Mississippi.
If I was denied at Dixie University,
am I...
Bob, did you go to college or no?
No, you go to college.
I think that went to nothing.
Why would he need to?
Look at this, huh?
I'm a brainiac, dude.
Asked me anything.
He was already...
Potatoes, hot pock.
Wot you already working, like right after high school?
You're in a sweatshop, yeah, making Nike's.
Is that what you're saying?
In fact, yeah, he made.
I made those.
I made those. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Thanks for the...
They're a little...
I got some notes for you.
No, you were already cruising
in entertainment a little bit.
No, no, no, no.
I started at 23.
Oh, really?
Yeah, yeah.
No, I...
From high school to 23,
no future, almost die.
Damn.
Yeah, because I had no future.
I had no idea what I was going to do.
You guys got six guys on the road with you.
What are you talking?
Videographer, producer, a age manager.
Yeah, we got a guy die ops, we call him.
Director of Operations.
He gave himself that title.
Pretty much.
drives the van and stuff.
No, he's our boy Ryan D.
He's our fixer.
He's great.
We got him.
We got two openers and a producer.
Two opener.
Comics that we might know or no.
Yeah, Colin Chamberlain and Sam Rubinoff.
Oh, no.
Like New York guys.
Colin Chamberlain and Sam Rubenoff.
Colin works with Jessica Kurson a lot.
And Sam is Jewish.
Yes.
You have resident.
You got to have one.
You've got to operate in L.A.
You got to have a Jew.
Trust me, I know.
Do you guys do the bus when you're on the road or no?
We have, we've done the bus
Fuck that
I kind of like the bus
You don't like it
We'll never do that shit ever again
We love it
This guy had night terrors every fucking night
You got a bad hang
I loved it
No do I'd rather just go to the hotel
Get a nice hotel
I get that
Yeah I get that
You don't like waking up in the new city
No I like just
I like waking up in a nice hotel bed
Instead of listen to this guy
Scream bloody murder every fucking night
And then him up to 530 playing video games
And peeing every person
Yeah, he does.
Bobby!
I poo in the...
Yeah, he put in the bus.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Rule number one.
That's not the bus.
That's the squad.
You guys got to fucking step it up a little bit.
Yeah.
No, honestly, fuck this whole team.
You don't know.
You got a week crew.
My favorite is with Bert.
Beating on the bus with Bert.
Oh, yeah.
Well, he's got nine buses.
I sleep like a baby when he's...
I almost died.
Remember I fell off the fucking bomb.
That's insane.
You guys did that tour with him?
No, no, we went on that.
But I mean, that was national headline.
I saw that on fucking...
Well, he posted about it so he could cancel shows.
I believe we will not be performing tonight.
I'll be back in 2026.
What the fuck happened?
I cut to my rib.
All right, so I was on the top bunk.
It was pitch black like three in the morning.
Which he shouldn't be in the first place.
Now, you're a bottom bunk guy.
Oh, I also asked people.
I'm a bottom bunk.
I ask people, hey, can I get the bottom?
I have little legs.
That's, that's on the...
They're like, no, I claimed it.
That's fucked up.
Like, bully shit.
Wait, who else was on that bus?
Shame on you.
Yeah.
So I'm on the top bunk, right?
It's pitch black.
I don't know where.
We're in the middle of the south somewhere.
It's right.
And I have to go to the bathroom.
So I take my hand, but I can't see it, to brace myself on the opposite side of the other bunk, the ledge, and I miss it.
And I just, I fall forward and I hit my mouth on the fucking thing.
This guy thinks he's going to reach across the bus.
These arms are like a foot long.
Jesus Christ.
Got T-Rex arms.
Yeah.
Anybody wake up?
What?
Anybody wake up?
No one woke up.
And I was on the ground.
I was knocked unconscious.
They woke up.
They were like, you got knocked out?
Yeah.
And I, and it was just blood everywhere.
So I go to the front of the bus
I sit there and I go to the
driver and I go
I think I didn't go hospital
And he goes no man we're seven hours a while
I'm bleeding I think I need stitches
No seven hours dude
And I start testing bird
Everybody no one replies
Everyone's asleep
Yeah I'm just sitting there
Just in a pool of blood for like hours
It was fucking terrible
Yeah get a paper top
What's a mice on it sucking?
I did all that what you think dude
Did you need stitches? Yeah
Yeah he did
I like bunch of stitches
and uh three you got three i knew a bunch was a big thing yeah wait what do you mean well he said
you didn't get 15 you got three i got a lot three more what's it saying what's it saying the lawsuit
what 45 stitches broken neck and you know what was great and this is bert and you know the whole team
lean yeah the whole team the squad love the squad love the squad and they were like you know obviously
go home but they paid me for the gigs oh great which is so
That's what he liked the most.
Every time we go on tour, he's going to fall off the bunk.
Oh, I can't put a phone.
That's getting off cheap.
They're probably worried you're going to fucking...
I would never do it.
Even if I died, I wouldn't do it.
Not to Burton Leanne.
There's other people we would sue.
But not that.
You can't meet better people.
No, they're probably...
The best.
Two of the best people I've ever...
Leanne?
Oh my, come on.
She's the best.
Yeah, she's great.
You know what's so funny, though, the bus thing?
Our driver, that was also, that guy was a fucking lunatic.
We had a lunatic.
Mega Man, what the fuck was his nickname?
He had like a...
night I wake up because the bus is like, you know, this. And I'm like, dude, what's going on?
I walk up there and I pop up the curtain open. You know what I mean? I pop off the buttons.
This motherfucker is going off on his wife. Do you remember this?
That's awesome. He's just yelling at this, dude. That's awesome. He's like, that's what I fucking
said. Is that when that's how it is to fucking be? And he's yelling into his headset mic.
And so I was like, he's wide away. So I clip the button back on, went back and laid.
I thought he might be dozing. That dude's not going to sleep for six.
Six more out.
He was locked in.
We'll see you later, Salt Lake City.
We'll be there.
Fucking bitch.
We, uh...
I hated it, though.
We had one that broke down.
We did, like, Route 66.
We had one that broke down and barely made the gig, like, pulled in as, like, you know.
Oh, no, see?
It was, we had a sleep on the bus just parked in Tulsa or something like in a sketch, like behind the venue because he couldn't get the bus started.
Do you guys go to Memphis by any chance?
Nah.
We'll never.
Like, you can bring up Memphis.
I fucking hated it.
It was PTSD.
Like, the venue.
the show?
We tanked shit in a way we've never...
Eye bombed so hard.
You catch that. That just happened.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
But the city of Memphis is a special kind of bomb.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
A couple years ago.
Two years ago.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Dude, it was so bad.
We've stayed, we're on the Elvis's.
We were on Graceland.
We played fucking the Graceland stages.
And we're thinking, this is the best.
Dude, we're at the fucking out.
Lay up.
Dude, nope, tank shit.
And then we were also like, can we go get something to eat?
And they're like, I don't recommend it.
Yeah.
It's not the nicest area.
Yeah.
I was like, well, we're hungry.
That was the room.
You guys don't have bad gigs?
Yeah, no.
Yeah, every once in a while.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.
Worst gigs, say, what's the city?
They're not going to name a city.
No, that you tanked the hardest in.
On the tour, what was that?
Where were we?
Oh, it was that one that we pulled into, it wasn't Salt Lake.
Somewhere down there in the, in the southwest.
Like a Denver's kind of town, but in, I think, Arizona.
What was Phoenix?
Phoenix.
Flagstaff.
Flagstaff, yeah.
We fucking, I mean, I mean, it were like, we did flagstaff on a Wednesday.
Oh, wow.
sold light. Is that the venue?
That was the one we played. Oh, okay.
Yeah. Flagstaff got you.
It was just, and it was, it was, it was one of those things they ended up like,
like, they had a good time and like, but we just.
I could tell you our fans of Memphis did not have a good time.
Not with us. We just didn't love it.
Flag's also pretty beautiful. A lot of people, a lot of whites like to go up there and get
married into it. It's a lot of cash up there.
One thing we did do to circumvent the bus, because the one of the bus is very.
Circumvent. What does that mean? Go around.
Okay.
See, no college.
words around my friend, man.
My apology.
Being condescending.
My apologies.
Let us reiterate.
That staff's pretty good.
They had that, they had circumvent up.
Find the way around.
We bought a very nice, the nicest conversion van we could buy.
And we kind of use that as the tour bus.
Like, we do runs.
Diops, our boy Ryan D.
We'll drive it out to Michigan.
He'll pick us up at the airport in Michigan.
And then that we're cruising around in that for the week.
Wait, why Michigan?
Or like, wherever the runs.
Oh, I was like, yeah.
You guys aren't living.
Are you guys living in New York?
Where do you live?
Queens.
Queens kids.
Both of you?
No, I got a Manhattan.
You're not getting that...
And I'm on a young one.
Yeah, you're not getting that Austin itch, huh?
Nah.
The heat would kill me.
Yeah, true.
Genuinely, yeah.
You guys dread being here?
Not not bad friends, but in L.A.
I love L.A.
I don't have any of that shit
that other people say,
that's what I like about you.
I don't like it.
It's, you know, it's rapid.
Hey, droop, droop,
what's up, droop, what's up,
Troop, what's up, Troop, I love it.
I don't, I don't hate it.
I'm not one of those guys.
I just don't love it.
It's just not, I enjoy my time out here.
I like seeing my friends.
I get it.
We stay, we got a fucking very nice house in the hills.
We're having a big.
Oh, you rented a crib for the kids.
Yeah.
What are we talking about?
Nice.
Nice property.
Good place to OD app.
So Airbnb?
Airbnb looked up it up on Zillow 6.5 million.
How long are you in town for?
Let me get that right.
Let me say it again.
Circumvent.
Circumvent.
How long are you guys in town for?
Until Thursday.
Yeah, we were here.
Saturday and Thursday.
We called you.
You didn't answer.
Yeah, he loves taking people to dinner.
I was looking for your car in the parking lot
to see what you were whipping around.
I don't drive anymore, man.
Not after the accident.
What accident?
You don't hear about his accident?
It was died.
Nuh.
Yeah, dude.
Is that true?
I hit it. I hit it.
Look at his eye.
Look at my eye.
My eyes all fucked up.
I hit a couple.
I was pink guy.
I had seen that all funny.
It was bad.
It wasn't his fault.
In a car?
It wasn't his fault, though.
Well, I mean, I was drinking, but yeah, it was.
Easy, he does it.
No, it's not funny
Why would you joke about it?
No, I shouldn't joke about it
I mean, he almost died, dude
No, yeah, dude, it's in fucking Hollywood Reporter
A boy, Hollywood Reporter brought it up
A deadline
Pull it up, let's see if that's my
That's my ticket there from the hospital
Yep
Holy shit, you were tagged
It was really bad, dude
Did you get knocked out?
Yeah, dude, I was there for three days
At the hospital
I don't remember anything for almost a week
Yeah
Almost a week like five days
What was this? Dude, he was hooked up with the machines
It was insane
He's lying
No, dude
You know what?
Let me see the holly.
Pull it up.
No, no, here's...
I would have heard it.
We are going to pull it up, but here's already...
Once they type it up...
No, no, no, no, what I'm going to say...
The domain ball.
Hey, Kevin, will you listen?
Nope.
Yeah.
Sorry.
Okay.
I got excited.
Right now, you have sad eyes.
You just complimented them.
I know, but they're drooping and they're sad and I don't like it.
He's tired.
So what I'm going to say this, before we look it up, I want to say this, all right?
Already, will you look at me right now?
I'm not done talking.
Go.
All right?
We told you a fact.
Okay. And you doubted it.
That's right, yeah.
Sure.
Which means there's division between our teams.
That's right, yeah.
Right?
We're not cohesive.
No, we're just not suckers.
Yeah.
You know what you two are up to.
We lie all the time.
There you go.
Comed Andrew Santino formally said that he crashed his Kia Sorrento.
Incident appears have been minor.
2001.
It was a 2021 Kia Sorrento.
Yeah.
That's wrong.
He's been in the hospital for three, four, five years.
Every day.
I was only there for three days.
I know those four years.
That was one of my favorite bits.
I always kept.
I got really good though
I crashed the Kia Sorrento
people fuck it for some reason
they're like if you said you got in a car
actually like yeah dude I crash my old Kia
Sorrento people like damn like they buy it right away
I don't know why the car validates the accident
I was gonna make funny if you're driving a Kia
I was a kid what do you drive flashy guy
I drive in Queens you don't have a car
do you have a car yeah I got a Jeep
okay yeah oh so he's better than a Kia
hot shot yeah
I have a question Bobby are you dating anybody
can you talk about that or now
okay good news
No, no, no, I'm absorbing what you're asking.
Uh-huh.
And I'm going to answer you properly.
Okay.
Um, yes, I am.
Okay.
Yeah, great.
Yeah, um, I'm getting a lot of shit because they're white women.
Okay.
They're all white women.
So you're dating casually.
You're not into white women.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's cool.
And my Asian, you know, friends and family are going, what's up, dude?
Really?
Yeah, and I'm like, I don't, those are the ones that like me.
Who, what do your friends and family say, what?
What's up, dude?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Mexican?
No, that's.
Some of them, yeah.
No, but they go...
Do other Asian celebrities
give you shit
for that kind of stuff?
They don't talk to him.
No?
No, like, you look at Stephen Yoon.
Uh-huh.
He's a nice Asian woman.
John Cho, nice Asian woman.
Yeah.
I just...
What's your problem?
Because those Asian women
find me to be unclean,
which I'm not.
Very clean, man.
Excuse me?
You're a very clean man?
Yeah, but people think,
but based on my online presence or whatever
that I'm a dirty fucker, right?
The booker reading and stuff like that.
The booger eating and stuff like that?
Well, have you not?
Of course, yeah, exactly.
I've never done it.
Me either.
Never once.
You've eaten your boogers.
I've eaten my boogers.
Yeah.
No, I never did it.
I'm not interested.
Yeah.
What about touching your butthole?
If it comes out, it doesn't go back in.
That's how I feel.
When's the last time you touched your butt hole?
Bare finger.
I had a stint.
I had a run.
I had a run.
I got over it.
You know what I mean?
Not sexually.
Just touching it.
What?
Not sexually?
Yeah.
Oh, I was talking about sexually.
What do you mean?
just touching my butthole just for in passing whatever like a little boop like
boom yeah no no no no he loves it Bobby yeah I'll do it now yeah yeah I'm not
afraid of it sexually fine yeah if you're playing with a toy but I mean you know what I mean
you're having fun you've done that with toys I should see the size of thing I put in my ass
show him the thing I put yeah he's lying he's got it he's got it unbelievable the thing the size
of this fucking I wouldn't have suspected that my man I like that you don't know what do you
I'm gay are you what shut up how long have you know me yeah that thing I put that
Whoa.
Man, can I borrow that thing?
Holy shit.
No, you're married.
I've met your wife, haven't I?
So you think.
Oh, really?
You've met my beard.
Nice.
Yeah.
No, I'm seeing a couple of guys right now, but none of them.
Nothing's sticking.
No, yeah, I've never touched my butthole un-sexually.
Really?
What are you doing with it?
I don't know.
Making sure it's there?
Just crossing that line to touch my butt hole.
Yeah.
I have a difficult time committing right now.
To your butt hole?
To your butt hole?
Yeah.
Really?
It moves.
You mean relationship while?
It vibrates.
Huh?
It goes like that.
Your butt hold does?
Yeah, yeah.
And I don't like it sad.
It's sassy.
Jeez.
No,
in terms of a women.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah,
you're playing the field.
I'm not playing the field.
I want to find,
I want to find,
I want to fall in love.
No, stop that.
You don't?
You went through that.
How did it turn out?
Get out of here.
I know.
Enjoy yourself.
Yeah, but I'm ready again, I think.
No.
That's your mistake.
You're ready.
Get back up on the horse.
Don't do it.
Bobby, fall in love with yourself
That's what you fall in love
Gay, yeah
Nah, fuck that
Let him fall in love with a woman
No
Yeah, I don't know if I'll
You're too old married
No, yeah, for sure
How happy are you, you got a boy?
Yeah, very
You fucking amped
Yeah, are you nervous?
Yeah, it's crazy
I'm still nervous, I don't know what's going
Did you do a gender reveal thing?
You did one of these things?
Nah
Shoulda woulda could I did
Would have been fun to do it
Did you? Have you done that?
No, I don't have any kids
You don't?
No, but if I did
I think I would do the gender reveal
but I do it real crazy.
Like what?
Blow it up.
You do a golf ball.
You do the golf ball.
That's what you got to do.
No, no.
I'd like light a boat on fire,
color of the smoke.
What I mean?
Real extravagant.
Something obnoxious.
Are you guys going to have kids?
Do you want to have kids?
We can't have kids.
No kid.
No, we tried.
Yeah, it doesn't.
We're fucking around.
It can't go through the butthole for some reason.
I don't even know.
It's not a loop.
I know we thought it was a loop, but it's not a loop.
No, we tried.
We can't do it.
You being serious?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I try to adopt, maybe.
Would you want to do that?
Yeah, but a white slav, you know,
a little white Slavic baby?
They're given, those are pretty adoptable right now.
Not a little Asian kid?
Not a little Asian kid?
Hey, buddy.
I have one.
If I was going to adopt, yeah, I mean, I think that's a whole other thing.
Like, I have friends that were adopted,
and that's a whole other set of things that come along with it.
Sure.
So I might, but I don't know.
I'm just not sure.
The good thing about adoption is you got time.
You know what I mean?
Like, I don't have to do whatever.
You know what I mean?
You're not fighting to buy a lot.
There's always a kid wanting to be adopted.
Maybe, seriously, maybe.
I'd like to adopt a kid that's like 17.
Give them one good year.
An athlete, get an athlete.
Yeah, dude.
You know what I mean?
Get them up to Shamanad, one of those high schools.
If you adopted a kid and years later they want to find their biological thing.
Yeah, that's what's tough.
Would that hurt your feelings?
No, if the adoption is open or closed, right?
Some of them are...
Even if it was closed, they're like, you know what, dad?
You're a great dad.
I mean, even though, you're so angry sometimes.
But anyway, you know, I'm going to look for my biological family.
Is that okay?
Yeah, that's good.
Go back to China.
Is that what you want?
Hold on, Bobby.
Go back to China.
I'll send you right back.
I'll put you in the box that you came in and I'll send you right back.
You'll be on the bottom of a Hyundai trailer.
See that attitude you're doing right now?
That's the reason why I want to find my biological parents because this is not the way you talk to me.
Wait, hang on.
Well, you're the only kid I know that didn't get into Mississippi State.
How about that?
Back to China.
Hang on.
So the kid you would adopt would be.
The kid that you would adopt would be a bad actor?
Is that what's going on here?
What was that accent?
What was that accent?
You're better than that.
No, no.
Cleveland, dude.
That's it.
Yeah, that is a outside of Cleveland.
Well, let me do it again.
I was a kid.
Do Australian.
No, do Australian.
Yeah, I got an Australian kid.
Or do British.
I'll give me that.
Make it easy.
Cockney.
That's not Cochney.
That's not Cochney.
Brother, he's not getting dialects.
Datee?
Yes, son.
I want to find my biological family.
Oh, they're in China, I told you that
I thought I was British, Dante.
Well, you are, you're a British Chinese kid.
You do a kid then.
Don't do it, kid.
Yeah, don't.
Were your gay parents, we adopted you?
This is a fantasy we play out all the time.
Yeah, there's a fantasy.
You're 18 years old now, and you're telling us.
Telling you what?
That you want, I'm gay, and I want to all hook up?
Sure.
That's the kind of porn I like, by the way.
Step parents' porn?
Very nice.
I did see on TikTok today a montage of kids coming out to their parents and their parents being so supportive.
It made me cry.
That's awesome.
Was there any one not one not supportive though?
That's why that's not that montage I saw.
Those are my favorite one.
What?
Yeah.
No!
Not in my house.
That's crazy when that happens when you hear that shit.
How could somebody, not even that, like, kick them out?
Oh, I can't believe that.
I had a buddy when I first moved to L.A., this guy that I met his parents sent him to pray away the gay camp.
Oh, that's crazy shit
Yeah, dude
But he made him more gay
He's a bunch of gay guys in the woods
Yeah, it's awful
It's like there was never gonna fix anything
It's a fuck party
And his mom used to say wild shit
She'd come
We lived in the same complex
His mom would come and visit
And she'd be like
How come he can't get
A pretty girl like the girl you're dating
And I had to fucking
Keep up the lie
I was like I think he loves being single
Oh really she didn't know
No they fuck
They're just a denial
Yeah sure
Sheer denial
But don't parents know
You would think
can usually smell a gay in your house
yeah I'm just like dad
sure yeah
you ever go over to your friend's house and they're like
my son Riley he's like hello you're like
oh yeah
I thought his parents already knew you like dancing Riley
yeah I think they know from a young age
yeah of course you know I'd just be like yeah I know that
already kid yeah
get the fuck out of what if
now pick your beans
what if your son came to you said dad I think I'm gay
what do you say I'd be okay with it
Yeah, great.
Yeah.
Would you be disappointed at all?
I'd start calling my daughter, but sure, no, I'm kidding.
No, I mean, I think, I don't know.
I'm three months in.
It'd be weird if he did, you know, if he told me now.
Oh, it's coming for five months.
That's what they do, five months.
You were, maybe it was like, I got gay good.
So stupid, dude.
I like.
Starts listening to Chapel Rhone.
Yeah, I don't know.
I would be fine.
You'd have to be fine.
I don't know.
Yeah, you'd have to be fine.
I'm a progressive guy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Of course.
My best friend's gay.
Right.
Sure.
on the weekend sometimes
You never tried
What?
You never tried
To flip the other side
Of the menu as Charlie Shere
Great line
We were talking
We were discussing that
Great line
That whole thing is fantastic
Doing your show
Doing your show
One of the most fun
I remember doing it
And being like
Oh yeah I want to go
That'll be fun
It'll be cool
And then I did it
And I was like
That's one of them
A best most inventive
Podcasts on the internet
Your rhythm is perfect
You guys's relationship
Is fucking amazing
I'm seeing you guys
We love you guys
I love you guys
Seeing you guys grow
And I was also like
This is
some people take off and you're like
when no you know what I mean
when it happens to someone you're like yes good
yeah that is the go this should be the big thing
go go go we love you guys so much
everybody in the comedy pod
community little sphere has been so great to us
and nobody's jealous nobody's
you know high tides raise all ships yeah
and that was an away game we want you in the studio when you
in New York I come to New York yeah I did it
both of you did it in the old studio you got a nice big
I know but I didn't I went to the side of one studio
Yeah, yeah, yeah, take it easy, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Nice.
We'd love to have you back.
Where's the new studio at?
Midtown.
Second biggest comedy podcast.
It's bigger than the city.
It's bigger than.
Seriously?
Bigger than Shultes, yeah.
Wow.
But Shultes is, oh, for the game.
Come for the king.
Sheltzies is way nicer, and his staff is all cool as shit and gorgeous.
They're all minorities.
You guys have only whites.
That's why I want to go to RU.
No, we got an Italian guy.
We got an Italian.
We don't eat with them, but, you know.
You guys want to promote anything?
Uh, yeah, check out the pod.
are you garbage wherever we do twice a week
public and then Patreon as well
we have a very active Patreon
and we're on tour right now
back on the block tour all tickets available
to are you garbage dot com
it's stand up and we play AIG with the crowd
and we have a special
Route 66 special which is a combination of all that
and we each have half hours on our page
go see the kids are you garbage.com is where you can get all that
information we'll put the link in the description down below
for the fans we appreciate you guys we love you guys
thank you for being garbage friends
Love you.
Thank you for being part of garbage, fan.
And say, into that camera at the same time, say, thank you for being a bad friend.
Thanks for being a bad friend.
Good boys.
I don't know.
BOR.
BOR.
