Bad Friends - Dingle Flicker Doggystyle

Episode Date: March 7, 2022

New Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com Thank you to our Sponsors: https://www.babbel.com/badfriends & https://upstart.com/badfriends &  https://hellofresh.com/badfriends16 code: BADFRIENDS16 &  http://headspace.com/badfriends YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriends 0:00 Andrew's Tour Dates  0:31 The Sound of Music & Tancho for your Hair 5:07 Bobby's Favorite Male Model  12:56 Bobby and Andrew Argue Their Way into Heaven  23:01 The Butterfly and The Sea Pirate  31:09 The Reason People Leave to a Hundred in Japan  36:35 Doing The Doggy  41:31 Hanging or Guillotine   47:39 Fancy B Sneaks In  48:16 Bobby's Bad Friends Rap  51:44 BLEEVE and DJ Way Too Short  1:00:46 Rudy Met a Boy  1:04:25 What Asians Do When They Get Together More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Andres Rosende & Pete Forthun This podcast episode was sponsored by Candy Crush Sponsorships: on for this episode Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, bad friends, I'm at the Irvine Improv, March 18th and 19th, and then at the end of the month, I'm in Vegas, baby, at the win in Las Vegas. We also added a bunch of new dates, Dallas, I'm coming to Dallas, I'm going to Hawaii, I'll be in Niagara Falls as well. All that stuff is going to be posted up on AndrewSantino.com, AndrewSantino.com. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? White dude and an Asian dude.

You two are disgusting. Who are you two or something? We're bad friends. Anchor. If you haven't heard about anchor, it's the easiest way to make a podcast. Let me explain. Oh, please. It's free.

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Download the free Anchor app or go to anchor.fm to get started. A deer, a female deer, a drop of golden sun, I don't give a fuck. It's white and it's my jam. Me a name I call myself far, a long, long way to run. How about this one? Adovice. Adovice. And like the fucking drums.

You know what I mean? All the innocence, but the song's beautiful. Adovice. It's a you know What is it a flower right a little vice. Yeah, yeah, it's a white flower. Do you have one all over my Stop it you put product. What do you mean product like goop like moose and hairspray I don't put product in my if anything when I go to my get my haircut. They do a whatchamacallit. Yeah Uh, uh, uh, uh, pomade. Oh pomade. I do tancho. You know what tancho is. No, oh, you know what tancho is

No, that's a Japanese bullshit. Tancho is Tanto. Tancho is Tancho in your head. It's Chinese. That's the commercial. Yeah. Tancho in your hair. Yeah, look up. Tancho See that stick right there. Yeah, what does it do? So that's Tancho Right, so a lot of it says it's high-grade vegetable. What yeah So a lot of hair and makeup people and shows. Oh pomade. Yeah, that's what I just said. I know but Will you listen Tancho wasn't originally for the hair. What was it for the armpit? I heard it was for BO Yes, did it smell good? It was deodorant. No, it smells Chinese. Oh So no

No, I don't sweat. Do you know what's funny? I stopped using deodorant and I sweat less and I smell less What do you mean? This is crazy, dude Somebody told me that there's aluminum in most deodorants. Yeah, do you know this and it's really fucking bad for you? Yeah, and what it does is it can clog your pores and it makes you smell worse So when you sweat, yeah, sometimes it makes it stink worse So I was like, all right, I stopped using it and I just would shower more often clean out my armpits more Mm-hmm. Now I don't wear deodorant. It doesn't smell at all Even when I sweat it smells like skin. I don't my armpits don't smell. Yeah, but every white girl friend I've ever had

What what listen? has a smell that I don't like bologna. It's like beef gravy My mouth my mouth just got watery. I only dated one Asian girl. Really what does it smell like? Just what did it smell like oddly enough, yeah beef gravy Yeah, just smell it at all in any way No, yeah, like what her dorm room did. Uh-huh like what? Zoom in on me try see me noodle No, she was pretty good smell noodles. No, she was a UCLA grad student Yeah, and we and we used to hook up in her dorm that her daddy bought her really

She had one of like a nice arms. I just moved to LA. I met her through my old roommate and she was living in like the the fancy rich dorms and I remember I couldn't afford parking. I made her pay for my parking I was so broke I was 22. Oh, wow. Wow. Wow. And I was like, I don't have enough money. She was full. Huh? She was full Asian or she was half You know, I can't tell I Can't I can't you could be half and I wouldn't know. Yeah, I should I do it. Obviously. I'm full you could be half

I have boys. There's no one who would say that I was half knows it No one's ever walked up to me. Hey, are you half white? Check it out like this? Yeah, because you're not hot enough Because the halves are hot. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, but I think you're a pretty boy and you could be half to me No, like you've got your skin light enough if my dad was white. He wouldn't beat me. I don't think it's hard Mm-hmm. You think you won. Yeah, especially been an Asian wife. Yeah, but with belts. Oh, yeah Yeah, you guys love belts. Yeah, get over here But then it's like you whip them and then you have to put it back in the loops of the pants imagine Yeah, yeah, and you miss and when you miss a loop how embarrassing

Right you and then I miss a loop and then your dad goes to work. I'm like, how come you're missing live I used to I beat my kid this morning and they all go me too and they all show The missing loops. Yeah, I think that if I had a white dad, I would look like Tony Thornberg Who? My favorite male Model who's Tony Thornberg my favorite male model. Let's bring up this pro He looks like Steve Aoki kind of right there looks just like Steve Aoki. All right. So that right there Is now go to go to about like that. Good morning

I just if I said good morning like that just pussy juice squirting in my face You know man like a spray See you idolize men who are femme. You like femme men. That's not femme, dude. That's fucking erotica That's erotica 1.1. That's femme as fuck. This dude is femme as fuck. All the boys are nodding Suck it. This guy is suck my beta femme as fuck. You know, I you know, I idolize But guys guys. Yeah, I know what's your guy Harrison Ford This is who I want to be. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, old racist angry Yeah, but if I was mixed I would look better

Wait, what did he say he called president trump son of yes, Harrison Ford's so cool son of a bit Son of a big yeah, Harrison Ford's like this. He's always out of breath. He's like Give me the goddamn box I love Harrison fucking Ford that guy's the boss. I like him. I like Clint Eastwood. I like guys guys Yeah, I like Harris. You know why I like Harrison, huh? Because apparently he doesn't like he'll like look at the a line in a movie because I'm not saying that Love that and he'll just he says it in his own way. That's why if you watch a Harrison Ford movie all the lines are Very simple and direct. Yeah, they're they're sure there's not a lot of fodder. Yeah. Yeah. No fat

Yeah, and he's you know, he's at that level. We're like, I'm not saying that if you and I have to say it We not only have to say it that they give us alts and they we have to do all the alts Right, and it doesn't matter what the line is. Nope. Yeah, I mean have to say it. Yeah, rape. Good. Yeah. Yeah I don't want to say rape. Good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Say it. Yeah, you gotta. Yeah Sorkin Aaron sorkin what does Aaron sorkin like say it Aaron sorkin hands me a script. I'm like, oh Aaron He's like you got to say it. I'm like, yeah I have to say the goddamn blacks are coming. I don't want to say that

Let me ask you something. I've been thinking about I don't know. I want to know you better. Oh And I want to talk to you not as a comedian, but like we um are in some sort of group Like a a something like that. Are you asking me to go to a no, no, you're not an alcoholic. No, but I am Um, maybe a little bit a little bit. Yeah, I can't there be levels. Yeah, there is. What am I? I'm a functioning. You're not doc

So you know me you're here docs here. We had to send him away. We have to send him away a little bit He's got to go to rehab I there might be an intervention. Should we do it on the show because I'm gonna let everyone know um Why not might as well This is the second time we're doing this podcast while we're doing it the next morning He got a little saucy and um, he interrupts a lot Yeah, and um, we just kind of went let's just do it tomorrow. Let's take a time out. We took a time out So we reset. We love doc. He's gonna be back. He's gonna be back. We just yeah, we love him

We needed to reset today. Yeah, but let me let me get to know you better. Um I don't know certain things. I don't know if You believe in god. I do believe in I believe in a higher being Really? Yes. I don't believe that biblical. It's not biblical at all So I think it was a book written by a couple of guys Do you believe in god because you have a fear of death or do you really believe? No, no I believe stop saying god I believe in what else do you call it? I don't call it anything wonder man wonder man. Yeah, no cloud wonder man

In an old jewish god. Yeah. Yeah, Clyde wonderman. Hello. I'm mr. Wonderman. Yeah. Hello. It's me more than wonder man I'm your god Welcome to heaven No, I believe in a being. Yeah I believe in a a thing a spirit a presence and energy That is larger than we can wrap our fucking minute brains around And I don't think it's a man. I definitely don't think it's a human form the idea that we think that's a that that's a human It's like a guy like us, but a bigger one. Yeah is bonkers. It's bat shit crazy to me. I think it's a being it's it's it's it's space

It's time. It's energy. I think it's all these things, but we can't encapsulate it We like to view it as a guy because it helps us Uh, you know make sense of it, but no, it's not a person It's a fucking you believe in like a heaven when you die I believe no, I don't think you go to a fucking cloudy place where you know, we're like They're playing there's the piano being played in the heart of the show you and I can do good friends in heaven We should go to hell and do better Yeah

The devil is like suck each other's jacks and we're like you got it We get way better guests way better guests in hell. Are you kidding me in heaven? Who would we have like you and I did a podcast in heaven We obviously we have we'd get betty white Yeah, that's a good one fine. Yeah, she's not gonna say anything fucked up and fun We go to hell and our guests are gonna be who what to park to park You think you went to hell I

Maybe not him. Who's the best guess we could get in hell Satan the guy that runs it the devil met, but I bet you he's doing he's probably doing two bears one cave Yeah, right. Yeah, he's probably busy doing fucking sagura maron. He would probably do maron before us Maron talked I talked to mark the other night at the store Great guy. He had Keith Richards on again Because Keith is uh, I forget what he said. He was promoting something. Uh-huh, but he's like, you know how surreal it is He's like you guys have a great podcast you and bob. That's cool. He's like you guys don't do guests I said not no, we don't we do it on our other shows

And he goes, you know how wild it would be if you guys had High status guests on the show and I was like, well, we could start at some point. Yeah, he goes talking to Keith Richards For 20 minutes. He's like there was a moment that I like checked out and I remembered what I would feel like if I was a kid He's like it was it was fucking he was like it was beyond surreal We're not gonna get Keith Richards. Yeah, I'm putting it out to the universe right now I know we're just not gonna get him. Come on Keith. Yeah, come on Keith. Whoo. We're gonna we're gonna get the fucking guitars from some 41 Fuck yeah, yeah, we should get him. I love that. Yeah, we could get like you could get the drummer from hoody and the blowfish

He went to my high school. Yeah. Yeah, blowfish We get all of blowfish not hoody. No, he's and the Oh and the We're not gonna get Keith No, yeah, but you know, but we could we could get some great guests on this show if we really wanted to Yeah, your friends you have good. You have famous friends. I don't have your friends I don't have the kind of famous friends that you have that's beyond not true Dude, I don't have a Blake Clark in my phone. Who the fuck is Blake Clark?

The basketball player from the clipper Griffin. Whatever. Well, Blake Clark Who is Blake Clark? Look up Blake Clark. Is he is he a guy? How funny if I also know this guy? Yeah, you Oh, I do know Blake Clark Who's Blake Clark an actor? You know him too zoom. You know this guy. No, he's a stand-up. Yes. That's how I know Blake So he is in my phone Blake is in my phone I'm sorry Blake Griffin Griffin. Yeah, so back to hell. Let's talk about who else we we got on our pod from hell. Yeah, we're not gonna get satan

Well, so many people got a history so many easy So many evil people we would have to just do five of them at a time pull pot Pull pot and Vlogging right gang is caught. We'll just get them all in one shot. Napoleon. Do you think Napoleon's in hell? You do. Yeah. Yeah, the spanish guy. He's a little help. He's a little help little tiny help And doc is like Napoleon, save me a seat Yeah, you and I on the other hand legitimately. I'm not making a joke here. What going to hell No, I don't I believe we're gonna go to a way station

A way station like a truck stop. Yeah, like a truck stop No, there is a truck stop like an a mp area. Yes. Yeah, it's called it's called purgatory purgatory I called truck stop same same. Yeah, and we would be in purgatory and I think we would arg I think we'd be able to argue argue our way in the heaven. Well, you and I are so good at that. That is so good I'll suck out. Say I'll suck your dick. No, we would just Suck dick. Is this purgatory? Oh, yeah, right angels trying to grab you and devil trying to pull you I'll just be I suck because I'm looking out. I suck your dick. Can you met? You know what we would do? 69 have you ever seen this before?

We can 69 and we would do cartwheels that we had to die at the same time then So we you think we're not gonna die at the same time. I think we won't that's how the show ends. We're gonna die at moon tower Come see us. We're dying you see us because that's gonna be our last show I want to do a 69 with you and do cartwheels as we 69 you think that won't get us in Yeah, and then god's up there with all his buddies laughing dying going We're gonna let you I was gonna let them in but they're just doing this. Let's just watch this But it's good for it's good entertainment rolling around suck each other's dick and then we get to have it and they're gonna all like You didn't have to do that and we're like we know we want to do we wanted to it was fun for us

Yeah, now we got good tape. Do you think when you get okay? Let me ask you then. Let's go deep I'm trying to go deep. I know we keep diverting. Yeah. Yeah, okay I do believe in a spirit a science a thing The holy gods. Do you believe in it in a man in the sky? No, I believe the same thing you do I don't believe in a religious uh western. It's not a guy. Yeah. Yeah, it's not a guy And I think that god because what they've had 300 sun gods, right or something like that in our in our History of the world whose sun god you mean like like like pagan gods like Buddhists believe in no like, you know, um like egyptian Oh religion has rain god sun god the god of god of war. No god of clouds

These are gods based on the sun and astrology and stuff, right? That's what yeah, Christianity is as well you know what I mean and I believe that god looks down and goes i'm muslim jews. You're going to help them kid I believe it's all under one umbrella. He like he gets it. He doesn't care about Why would god be vain like call me whatever just believe in something good? Right, right. Just don't be a I think he's fickle in that way. Do you how could it just it's insane It's insane. There's been billions and billions trillions and trillions of people that have lived on the planet earth that never even had God, right? What did they have nothing nothing some of them had nothing. Yeah, do you think?

When god made you Oh my god, you're gonna insult me. No you're about to attack. No I'll answer it Authentically and sincerely. Do you think when when did the being that created humans? Do you think you were Done in a timely fashion or do you think he so I think I know where you're going Let me kind of guess where you're going. I know Do you think he chose every element that exists on your body or do you think a few things fall through the cracks?

Look at it like this Do you think look go bring back up your picture of your boyfriend that you love? What's his name 20 thornberg tony thornberg? Yeah, do you think when god made tony thornberg? Do you think he put the same kind of care into okay? So I believe this I believe that I was a part of look at tony by the way Look at tony. Yeah, I believe I know I believe I was a part of a mass production You were like a you were like a he made a billion of the same one. He's a ferrari. You're a ford, right? Yeah, he's more specific and the heat and god went. Yeah, just throw them all down there, right?

But you came out okay. No, but I landed on earth and I went God, you didn't give me a specific like a long new nose or a bubbly butt You know what I mean? That'd be cool if I had a long nose and a bubbly butt. You got a cute butt Yeah, yeah, you have a bubbly if I had like a brazilian butt. Oh my god. I would tend to have tan lines I would I would have tan lines and I would like I'll be I'd be at a resort I would just pull all my pants down and just lay on my stomach tanning And just all the dudes walking by going. Oh, look at that. And then you go. What's up? I'm with my mustache and still they'd go

Yeah, what is up? Yeah. Yeah, and look at his face. You got that long nose. Yeah. Yeah, it's this big It's yeah, I want a Pinocchio. No, you want a foot. Yeah, so I think it was a part of a mass production Yeah, but I went you know what I can I'm going to change this so I ate a bunch of carbs You know I got noodles pasta rice pasta to make my body the way it is It looks good It's thank you. I think you look good. And I think that I you know what, you know, I'm gonna You know, fuck you. I'm gonna not fuck you. No, just in general I'm saying it to the world. Do you think when you're on your deathbed?

Do you think you're gonna pray for god? Did your dad say anything about god before he died? No, but they say most people find god on the deathbed. He saw things though Like what people? Yeah, he would like he'll be you know, well He would just be like At all to you guys. No, I'll put somewhere. What if he's looking at you? He just his eyes are up No No, no, no

No, and he would look at something in the room that wasn't there and like speak korean to it Really? Yeah, was he on he was on? But he was on drugs Maybe I don't know but he was because they put him on they put you on stuff My grandfather was telling my dad to get the cats out of his room Was I get these goddamn cats out of the fucking room? Really? And my dad was like there's no cats in here, Jim. My dad was like bring cats so I could eat Eat all of that

Stop it Yeah I'm kidding. Do you think you're gonna find god? You think you're gonna um, I believe in god No, no pray for god when you're about to die. Yeah, because they do say people do that We talked about it on the show like the last words of atheists and everyone does say they do all go Oh my god, I made a mistake. But do you feel like they're like I'm being pulled up or down? I definitely think you get pulled. Yeah. Yeah, but it doesn't indicate what a bummer if you go to hell What if hell is up and heaven is down and we just fucked it up? We're upside down

Why would he do that? God, why would he do that? Why not a big prank? What do you mean? We made up what we think is up and down. What if we guessed wrong? What if hell is in the sky and heaven is down in the core of the earth? Yeah, but hell heaven and hell is just based on night and day. That's why they created it. I know versus evil It's star wars and why is good good and why is evil evil? What's that she's talking about? What's that poem? I've been trying to about It's a vietnamese poem

About it says like, you know, I'm the butterfly Is that it It's english. Oh, I could do it in vietnam Charlie I could do that but Charlie Charlie. Yeah, uh, I can't do is it we delight in the beauty of the butterfly But rarely it No, that was my answer. No, it's it's it's not there's no butterfly in it Well, you said butterfly. I know I'll just give you an example of what the structure of the poem is

Okay, all right. So basically, you know, I mean, it's basically I am You know, I mean the grasshopper that lay that sits on the leaf, right? I'm I'm also the snake that eats the grasshopper. Oh, you know, I mean, I'm the um The the the 12 year old refugee, you know, I mean on the boat, you know, I mean that's scared like, you know I mean, and I'm also the pirate that rapes her Oh, yeah, but I'm just saying the poem that's in the poem I'm the pirate that rapes or whatever right try to find that poem for me But it's like butterfly pirate

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The refugee on a small boat who throws herself into the ocean after being raped by a sea pirate I am the pirate my heart not yet capable of seeing and loving. Wow Yeah, but the whole poem is amazing. Who wrote that? Call me call me by my true name. Yeah, by thick not ha. Yeah, he just died He did thick not hunt. Yeah, he was a a a monk in vietnam. He was hold on. Let's let's read the poem The dude hung out with martin luther king Okay, so it's here's let's read the poem. I'll read I'll read the I'll read the whole thing. Yeah, but can you zoom it in out and do it in a thick vietnamese accent because I need to know

I can't do vietnamese. Can I you're just doing fine. Whatever asian accent do the You know the real way to say that I will Know Now don't say that I will depart tomorrow even today. I am still arriving I am the frog. I am the mayfly metamorphosis I am the mayfly metamorphosing I am on the surface of the river and I am the bird that swoops down to swallow the mayfly I am the frog swing swimming happily in the clear water of a pond and I am the grass snake that silently feeds itself on the frog

I am the child in uganda all skin and bones my legs as thin as bamboo sticks and I am the arms merchant Selling deadly weapons to uganda. I am the 12 year old girl refugee on a small boat to throw herself in the ocean being raped by C pirate. I am the pirate Yeah, so basically we're all those things. We are both. Yeah You're korean, but you're almost irish. Yeah. Yeah, and you're korean as well. I'm irish, but I'm also korean Yeah, because your dick is so small smaller than yours. That's That's the barometer. That's the guy right there, dude. There he is rest in peace. He just passed away I think it was 92 when he died

Tom cassoop is that was his name Thick nun ha same What you said was a dish that you eat in a soup. I love tom cassoop. Yeah. Yeah, but um, yeah thick nun ha is uh He just died. By the way, shout out to thai food. One of my favorites, dude I fuck with the hot thai and thank you thick for making it. Shout out to thai food Shout out to thick nun ha for making poetry and thai food. What's your favorite thai dish? I like the clear Clear broth. No, I like their coconut like soup. Oh, yeah, that's clear. Oh, yeah

Do you like tofu or no? I put some tofu in it. I'll throw some fucking tofu in there But for asian food, it's not my favorite thai Yeah, because it's um, you don't like the people. Oh, I love the people. I love thai food. What do I like? I like mango um mango chutney anyway chutney Yeah, when I was in time because I've been there I lived there for not lived there, but I was there for two months That's a good amount of time. Yeah, and um

the area I lived in had um Restaurants that were like, you know, just meat that's just hanging, you know, I mean and flies And so I just I loved thai food before I went there and then you saw it That's a what you saw I was made. No, I'm just saying I just it just kind of turned me off Yeah, because you saw how it was fucking made. You saw how the sausage was made. Yeah, maybe I don't know You've ever seen how sausage is made. Do you like sausages? You do like what kind of sausage? Any kind of saw you like I don't want you to show me a video of like little chickens have been ground up. Let's take a look Can you and I go make sausage somewhere can we go to like a sausage but what's in the tube

Ground up meat. Yeah, but can you put like what's the outer shelling of it? That's pig intestines Shit, that's what the casing is really a hundred percent. So basically you you can jam ground beef in Into the intestines of a pig. So when I'm slicing not all pork casing is that but look it'll tell you Yeah, casing is the material that in what? Yeah pig intestines a sheep pig goats cattle sometimes horses. Yum. Yum. Like I heard I heard bully sticks was bull dick It's uh, yeah, it is petrified penises. Yeah, bully sticks. Do you give that to your dogs? I get it No, I I give it to my dogs, but then it's like it stinks. Yeah, my dog stubs will Go go underneath our bed sheets. Yep, and just chew on bully sticks dude

They stink so much in the morning like is did she just queef? Yeah, my girlfriend I mean, that's a queef queefs do smell like bully sticks Dear bully sticks change the smell. Yeah They when they get really wet and they put them underneath a couch or a bed or something and they sit for a while and it's Fucking reeks. Yeah, peen old penis smells turns out. Oh my god I saw an article this morning in bed about a woman who did meth with her boyfriend and she fucking Wisconsin woman and she killed the dude Dismembered him and put his head and his penis in a bucket together because she said he was a dickhead. That's what she told the cops

Call her. Yeah, I saw her. I saw her Discovery son severed head and bucket. So this is how gross I am when I first saw that photo. I'm pretty hot Right. I went she's hot. Yeah, so then I googled her and just looked through her and she's not that's a good angle No, but keep going down. They show a bunch of photos of her at least. Yeah, that's a really good angle on her on the post this morning but you know what's so funny about that is um She she explained to the police that she was like They were like, why did you do it? She's like it's a good question. She didn't she was like she actually like I blacked out

Choked him killed him caught up his shit. Yeah put his legs outside She talked about it like it was saying like I went to go get coffee. Yeah, it's crazy how easily people can murder people Yeah, just don't chop up. Don't chop up the dick If if I'm Killed by her and she chops my dick off and I go to heaven. Do I still have my penis? Up there. This is your her cut holding your penis If they cut off your dick on earth, you don't what is that a swiss army knife. Yeah Look, no, yeah, yeah, I got it. No if they cut off your penis on earth. Yes, you don't have it in the afterlife

You're done. Oh, that's terrible. You got to have all your body another lady, right? Did this right? She chopped her man's dick off, right? He dies, right and then like a day later She lights the dick on fire You imagine he's in right so he's in heaven just I'm in heaven Do you think that happened? He's talking about buddy. He's like, no, so in my last couple of days on her Oh my god, oh my god, you know what I'm saying and his buddy's blowing us. He's like blow up. Yeah. Yeah, it's not working because it's in honor I think well, dude, listen, look now now. This is better sexy. No her body. No, no, no, no, no No, she got a nice boobers. Oh, she has nice boobies. You're right. You're right. She's got huge good ancus

Right, if you go down a little bit she there's more photos of her that she took It's amazing. She just told the cut. Look at oh, yeah Hey You like that look cholo Yeah, she's a cholo. She looks like it. No, she's not. She's fucking wisconsin. She's like a white chick from Wisconsin Yeah, do you want a gun? Do I own a gun? I do

where Am I in my place of residence? It's on you I might keep that thing on me. Yeah. Yeah. Do you really have a gun? I do. Isn't it safe? It's safe Like your nightstand or whatever right next to my television. Really? Yeah, what if your dog went whoo, whoo He just shot himself. Yeah, gotta get a new dog Do you have a license for it? I have a license to drive. I know but you have a license for the thing No, I don't have a handgun. Yeah, I have a shotgun. Do you have you do that? I do a shotgun

Yeah, I know what a shotgun. You don't have to make the sound effect I've seen enough fucking movies. I know what it is. You do one. Let me hear you do a shotgun That's a cool shotgun. Thank you Yeah, yeah, it's a it's a side by side. All I was gonna say is I used to have a little side tidbit in japan uh-oh Yeah, in japan in japan There are 70 000 people

Over the age of a hundred No way google that how many people are over the age of a hundred in japan 70 000 Maybe I got the wrong maybe with seven seven thousand. No, it could be seven. I don't know. I think I read it wrong But no 79 000 people are at or over the age of 100 Let's move to japan bud Look at that shit. Do you know why that is? I do. Why? There's several reasons Diet diet that's number one clean, but it's also community

The love Yeah, like if you go to the island of okinawa Love okinawa, right? Like if you know Your kid is running down the street. You're completely safe because Everyone on their in the neighborhood in the community is their parent because there's no whites on the island That's exactly what I wanted to say. Thank you for saying. I knew you were thinking. Yeah, there's no white dude It ruins the whole thing. There's no whites. Yeah, they're all just chained up in a fucking cage No, no when we come we're Japanese people love us that we just have to leave

What do you mean as soon as we're done? They're like go home. Yeah, we have to look I went to the okinawan island chains I went to ishigake. Did you really yeah ishigake one of the most beautiful islands I've ever seen in my life Look up ishigake show them what it looks like the water is clear as fuck. It's so far south. It's almost like tropical Ishigake. Look at that. That's where I went. Oh my god. It's beautiful ishigake. It was so there you are It was so fun, man. That looks beautiful dude ishigake. It was amazing. Is there a resort there? No, we stayed at a regular hotel Is it nice though? No, yeah, dude. I'm not fancy

Let me ask you this on the road. Yeah You know how sometimes you go on the road and like you're gonna stand the condo. No, I'm not I know exactly. That's what I say. Yeah. No, I'm not. No, you've never even No, I have in my past It's a young comic. Of course. I've seen in all of them. Yeah, I've seen every one of them But now they go now. Yeah, what do they when they say we're you have to stand the condo? No No, no, okay. Okay. I won't come so I won't come Or we'll just give you how well it will give you an extra hundred and now you can get your hotel. No more. How much?

I think the four seasons is like 650 a night. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, no, you know what? I've been playing theaters. You have to book your own you do your own hotels They don't have you know the condo and the comedy store the La Jolla. Yeah So when I was a kid like in 1996, right? I stayed at the condo with this guy Steven Moore. You don't know him and he's a he's in the 60s at this time or whatever Yeah, he goes bad You have you have no idea what happened In april of 82 in this condo. No, fuck. I don't want to hear it because I stayed there. No, I want to tell you

I go and I was scared because I'm staying there right in the little room with the twin beds I don't know if they still have that little I'm yes, they do Yeah, and one of the beds is like lopsided. Yes, so you're sleeping at an angle. It's on phone books They fucking lifted it up on phone. Yeah so he goes um So me and brian bradley another comic from san francisco, right? We played here in 82 or 83 or whatever it was and he goes We went to this gay bar and we just come on. Let's go to the condo

And there was like 80 guys in this condo right and we did a train From the fucking master bedroom to the twin thing right and I'm just going oh, I'm gonna get a hotel Because now everything felt like sticky And it's musky. It just didn't feel right. Yeah. Yeah, so you will never stay there again No, I do it. I know I haven't stayed the last bunch of times I've gone just because it's so it's sad the condo's a little a little sad. It makes you feel dirty Yeah, there's a There's this weird smurf color

Yeah, well they changed apparently they did a whole redo on it because back in the day It was like the color of papa smurf and and everywhere everywhere the carpet the fucking bedding Everything that condo is where the dingleberry happened What dingleberry do you remember the dingleberry? Yeah. Yeah Yeah, that's where the dingleberry happened then I feel bad because it's like I don't want to shame who had a dingleberry that we had so I met a girl And she moved I was I was at a club

In the midwest Met a girl. Okay. She came out to la and I go i'm playing l'hoi. You should come with me. She's like, all right And she's so we're in the condo and she brought her guitar Of course, right and I was there with two other comics and she's like I wrote a song I'm jumping off the roof. Yeah, exactly. And I'm just like blushing going. Please don't play it Yeah, and she pulls and she's like happiness and I love the ones that love me too or whatever I like that song. Yeah, it's a great song, right? And I go happiness is we're all singing along like and and all the comics are looking at me like

What the fuck with this one? So I finally like that night we I turned I like to make love in the light You like the lights on yeah always always I don't ever like it in the dark. I don't like it. Huh? Yeah, I like the lights on do your partners like it more in the dark No, they don't like it all. Yeah, they want the dark. They don't want to see me So, um They don't want lu Kang on top of them, right? So I'm having sex with this girl. I feel so bad about even telling the story Should I even tell it? Oh, yeah, I didn't say her name. Exactly. And she probably has no fuck. This was 20 years ago Even longer probably. Well, so what?

And So I'm doing her from the the doggy They used to call it the doggy. They still call it the doggy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm I'm we're having sex doggy style Okay, you're not doing the doggy Yeah, but that's how I said that's how doc would say it. Yeah. Yeah, we were doing a dog. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, I was doing the doggy style That sounds even worse. Yeah, it sounds way worse and I smelled Well, it's the first so she starts talking about like let me guess Let me let me take it but what I'm having she starts talking about, you know, I I think you're my soulmate

While you're fucking yeah, and she's like wrong time And she's like, I you know, I just had a vision that you and I had kids Oh my god in the middle of sex in the middle of sex and I'm doing like shut the fuck up You know like in my mind It's funny to think that you're working really hard and she's just not even moving. She's like, you know, I was also thinking about going Yeah, you know, I don't know I'm going to get a marriage license Yeah, it's just so brought up like paperwork. It should taxes. It was weird So, um, can you notarize this pop? Yeah, I think about I had this vision and I smell

poo, right? So I took my two thumbs as you do. Yeah, and I spread open her cheeks All right, and you know how like, you know, woman's butt any butt. There's like rogue hair Right, there's like two hairs like We spawned in the wrong spot. Yeah, what are we doing? Yeah I told you Johnny to go on the head On the top of the head, right? They got lost. Yeah, and they ended up growing on the asshole. Mm-hmm. I guess this is our life

Last time we take math question. Yeah. Yeah He's sad or whatever, right? The other one's like, I'm gonna grab a piece of shit on there. That's exactly what I was thinking Got it. So he grabbed it right as a meal put it all over his face No, he didn't even break it down. He just left the ball. He was like a ball like I'll eat this later So I I'm doing like this and I go Oh, what the fuck right? And in my head I'm like, she's like I had a vision. I got I had a vision of going to fucking CVS and getting toilet paper, bitch right

Yeah, and I and I Oh, you flicked a dingle flicked it out, right and I saw it visually fly away. Wow So problem solved. Yeah, but then I dangle flicker You know, yeah, like I never surprised and I've never answered the phone again after that trip nothing That's mean Did you tell her she had a white grass? Did you tell her why you're asked? Did you tell her she had a dingle? No Well, how could she ever know? The polite thing would have been to ask you a question. I don't want to see you again

Can I ask you a question? Sure. Do you have a dingle in your butt right now? No, exactly. I just showered. I think we all know Right if I had a little piece of shit in between my crack, I think I would know I think you would know. Yeah that being said, right? What if she had just gone to the bathroom she didn't wipe all right. How do you say it? I'm the girl Okay, we're just done making love Doing the doggy style Right. Oh my god. I mean that was

I still have those visions Get married. Yeah. Yeah, right on. I love my visions. You had poop in your butt You got to let him know Let me be softer. We'll do it. I'll be soft. I don't think you would do it that way. You're right. I'll do it softer So anyway, oh god, man, that was good. Can I sing you a song about our maker? You had a piece of shit in your ass while we were fucking Try to do it in in the most delicate way. Okay, think they'll get think that I'm a fragile girl. Yeah, I'm not in chill business I'm not tough. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, man. You know how much you have been beaten down by the world, right? So it's like

Oh god, that was good Happiness in you is the happiness. Oh, I love that song. Thank you. Can I tell you something? What? I love making love to you. Thank you and I loved you just doing the doggy style with me. That was my favorite too. Yeah But Yeah, this is gonna sound strange. Yeah Before we have sex next time Do you think we can shower together? That's how you do it. I love showering before we have sex. Sure, but you know what? I never wash my asshole

Oh, really? Yeah, so I'll shower. I'll shampoo my hair. How about this? Yeah, can I wash it for you? Because I love to pamper my girl. No, because I have a friend down there named Raul Oh, you have a little helper. Well, I have two renegade hairs Right, they accidentally grew there. Oh, they meant to go on the arms the legs and the head but they got lost So they grew out of my anus and um, they eat They eat a lot and they happen to eat poo Well, let me tell you something. What was your name again? What was your name again? What? Uh dabra. Well, listen dab

Yeah, I don't really care. I love you the way you are. Thank you. So I'll be right back. Okay. Don't go anywhere Okay, but I'm gonna be bent over here Right and she's now bent over, right with her butt her asshole spread open and she's there for three days Yeah, good job. She dies like that Hello fresh Man, I like fresh food delivered to my door Dude when hello fresh is at my front doorstep. I get my mouth all watering because I love it. I love it Your little feet go up and down with hello fresh. You can get farm fresh

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Has your mind been sprinting for years on end leaving trails of stress anxiety and fatigue that are eroding your mental health I got to tell you something I lose sleep at night all the time because my anxiety and i'm overthinking my brain is firing And if you're nodding along, yes, it's time to adopt small daily practices that will have a huge impact on your long-term happiness and well-being And it's easy to learn with headspace. Yeah, we all say fine. We we don't mean it, right? I always say fine fine fine. How are you feeling? I'm fine fine. Is it really an emotion? Is it no how many times have you told yourself? You're fine when all you've really felt is anger or sadness or nerves you're talking right to me

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This is the best headspace offer available. So go to headspace.com slash bad friends today headspace.com slash bad friends Would you rather get hung? or guillotine Uh guillotine because it's it's instant I think hanging is instant. No, no way, dude. If your neck breaks you cut off circulation You feel it. You're like what you're feeling it happen. Well, but what if guillotine is like stuck it's gone Guillotine is dull and it's stuck and it sticks in halfway through your neck and you're still alive. Like what the fuck and they're all cracking up Try it again sharpen it

I would much rather guillotine though. You want to be hung You always love a show you love a show because I'm gonna do a funny. I know you're gonna do a dance while you're No, I was gonna do a funny He's gonna uh, yeah, he's pinching his nipples while he's being hung. I'll probably do my act. Oh my god. Yeah, you're like No, like I would do hacky stuff like what is up with airplanes while you're hanging and dying That'll be terrible either way. I think I would do I do guillotine Hard you're gone immediately. Yeah, the worst is fire But you can't have an open casket though

No, I don't I don't want one. Oh, I do my grandma just passed away. We had to go to the wake Is open Yeah, it's irish wakes you the way at an irish wake the day before the funeral Did you kiss her? No, you know what's so fucked up and I'm not making any jokes right now I never have ever liked seeing people of anybody I've lost in my life I hate fucking seeing them when they're dead. So I avoid it like crazy the whole time I'm at those things I don't want to look at it

I I fucking hate going near it, but I will say this time and I'm being serious. I'm not making any jokes For the first time ever as we were leaving I went to go say goodbye And the room was cleared my uncle was standing on against the wall by himself And I went up to the casket and for the first time in my entire life I was like at ease with it because I realized It didn't even look like her anymore. I was like, oh The soul of her or who she really was is gone. It's just the shell is left. So it was kind of this weird Like relief for me a little bit. I was like, oh, yeah

The thing I loved the human that the or the entity that she was that I loved. It's not even in there anymore. Anyway It's gone to somewhere better and no into the universe Hell baby Hell baby, she was evil, dude. You don't know it. Anyway, how are you? Thanks for being a bad friend Are we done? Yeah, we're done Are you really? I was just joking man, and I was being dead serious. I'm sorry You made fun of me all the time when I'm serious. I said I'm not kidding three times. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah And you had to go there. Yeah, yeah, but funny

No, it wasn't funny. No one laughed. They got no laughs. They were laughing. No, they do that out of courtesy Why stop courtesy laughing? We could just cut that part out chacho. No, no, we're leaving it because they need to see how evil you really are I'm just saying this is what I read. No, they need to see. I read that on a blog. Sorry They need to see who how evil she's a great woman. You know that didn't I call you when all that happened? No, you did Yeah, I know I know we have to make some fun. Yeah. Yeah. I was so concerned Hey guys, so we recorded bad friends last night and it did not go exactly according to plan You guys know that Andrew and Bobby have very high standards for themselves and they don't want to air it

But I think it's really funny. So I'm going to show you a little taste five four three two one Can I just see something what that's it? Welcome to Dude, I'm getting so into hip hop right now. Welcome to so deep. Is that hip hop? I don't know how to not even fucking close but go ahead. All right. Why don't I give you a A beat and let me see you bad friend. I don't know how to wrap stop. Let me see you bad friends hip hop intro Can I go slow? I'll make the beat will be slow. All right real slow real slow. Yeah. Yeah slower really

slower You're perfect. What do I rap about a show an intro for our fucking show? All right, the show, right? Yeah, that's right Welcome to the bad friend show my body is made out of dough In the sky is a crow and people don't know what they don't know Mm-hmm. Very good. Welcome back to bad friends to have pretty good pretty good. If you spend it up there, you'd be like, is that Nas? If you spend it up, can I do some it's Nas

I'm just learning about the holy. Well, let me teach you everything. It's not nas. It's not nos. It's nas. Yeah, nasty nas Yeah, nas That's the most asian way. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, not I love when we see when asians see nas we got nas. Okay. Oh, yeah, he's not and we say gram master Gram, gram, like gram, gram master slash. They say everything fast like that Doc step outside Wait a minute. What are you into hip-hop? What hip-hop are you into lately? So what what I know about hip-hop is I know that The history about you know, the first guy to ever

The first emcee to ever rap on a show is dj hollywood Right, and then um, I just kind of know who the earlier being a grandmaster flash who the earlier people are and then I just didn't know about biggies and uh Tupac's little war. I didn't know about you learned about it. I know everything about it Do you think do you think that Tupac is still alive? Tupac is dead Tupac got shot. I'll tell you why I do. Yo, yo, yo, dude. No, I'll tell you why I'll tell you why doc. I'll tell you doc. Check it out, bro. Let's hear. Let's hear. So let me ask you guys something

Why is Tupac mad? Why was Tupac initially mad at biggie? You know what dude? You're a rapper way too short anyway Go ahead No, this is good. This is good. So so west coast east coast beef was born because of death row records No, that's not what happened. Yes. No, I'm telling you what happened. I know. Okay. What I'm doing the fucking classes Okay, all right the master class Tupac was in new york biggie was recording in the studio

He was down there and one of biggie's boys was like, what's up, dude? I'm gonna let you up Yeah, a little cease, right? Yeah. Yeah, let you up, right? So while this guy comes down opens the elevator is just blood and mayhem. They already they were shot up Yeah, right Tupac thought that biggie set him up. I don't I don't believe that's true Anyway, I'm just saying that you guys, you know, make fun of me about not knowing hip-hop and not knowing my rhymes and rhythms And I'm gonna tell you right now, dude. I'm doing my studying. Well, you're ready Yeah, that's right. Yeah, a little faster. No My name is bobby lee. I'm the king of society. I'm fast. I mean, I do it in variety

That's really good. Yeah, that was fucking smooth, dawg Bobby believe and you know what yet? You know your hip-hop name is believe, but it's b l e e v e believe Oh, man, here comes Billy. Yeah, you wrap like someone from the fucking 80s. Thanks, dude. I'm bobby lee. I'm here to say A wonderful day. Oh my god. I feel so good. What's it in my pants? It must be wood I'm it's like the worst. I already came up. Can I come up with my own name? No, believe. No, I want to be dj shut-eye dj shut-eye. Yeah, even better. Thank you. D. D. D. D. J. Shut-eye I'm gonna be out there just D. D. D. D. J. Shut-eye way too short

D. J. Shut-eye way too short and the red rocket But I'm sure to learn, you know, but you guys know much about punk rock or cbgb back in the 70s All I know is that Losers wear cbgb shirts because they think it's cool bro. That's so fucking insulting. Yeah It's like a shirt. It's like a shirt that a guy thinks is cool to wear But you know like he knows nothing about it. It's just like a thing to wear Am I right or am I right these kids at Carlos knows exactly what I'm talking about. I don't think so Anybody who wears this shirt, you know, do you know what cbgb is? No, I don't it's one of the most historic music venues in New York

For punk rock. Okay. Now help me with so the remote punk rock in grunge. So nirvana is grunge, right? What would be the example? It's a difference between Hip-hop and you know rap to rap. Yeah, it's the same thing, but just different. That's it. That's that's the most articulate thing you've ever said on this show The difference between grunge and is and punk rock is so close to what hip-hop and rap are right That they're almost undefined You can you can kind of define if you listen to nirvana's first album bleach, right? So good A lot of those songs are very very punk rock, you know, and totally yeah

And then and then never mind came out and then heroin kicked in. Yeah Don't you think that was what really happened that those out that like this whenever mine was out It was so much more the age train because you can tell how much like like low and somber and deep it was less Bleach was way way more upbeat. I'm sure the bpms were way higher. It was way more upbeat I fucked up on this heavier date. I saw nirvana two months before three months before Cobain died. Mm-hmm. What do you mean? You you saw them live? Yeah, where in anaheim? Love and I drove up from sending on I had a date, right and I fucked that night up because She's taller, right? They all are

Way too short And I was getting hyped because you know how you know when they tailgate a party, you know There it is February 22nd So I was in the parking lot Well, you know, and I was just jumping up and down and I jumped so high All right, it hurt hit her in the mouth. Oh, and she cracked a tooth I forgot her tooth was cracked and she was doing like

I don't even drive me back. Oh, she was yeah, I got the night was young Don't tell me you didn't get to see nirvana. No, I saw him. Oh, yeah, but she was like I was like Well, we got bleached. I was like nosebleed seeds, but I was like, I could always looked over and she's just like And her tooth was missing. She's like just bombed. Did you ever go on a second date? No, never. Sorry. I don't even know her name Imagine there's some girl with still the chip tooth. That's like that son of a bitch. She's Can we bring up a picture or something? Yeah, go ahead. Did you see britney spears post this week? Oh, Britney Spears on instagram posted nudes Look at me

Are you being real? Yeah, here's the thing. What kind of nudes? Well, they're cover her but it's on her insta So obviously it's not that new but look it's her on the beach. Yeah. Yeah showing. Oh, that's not it. That's not it That's nice. No, maybe she took him down. That's nice So there's there's a couple of nude photos that she put up. That's just stars over her vagina Oh, go back. There's full body ones get out of there real fast. Hold on scroll down. Maybe there there there There are that up above the flower. Yeah, so this this is this is pretty good. Yeah, it's pretty damn good right there Timberlake it's It's britney, bitch

Yeah This is why she got the conservatorship. That's why they were like if you will see if you were single Uh-huh and I was single would I have sex with you? We were at with britney in florida. So that's what she hangs out I don't know what she hangs out florida sounds right. Yeah Who do you think she would like first out of you and me in terms of dating doc? She would You know, she would yeah, she she wants something but having duck is like having a fly buzzer on your head I want to I want to address something real fast. By the way, we can get back to britney

Uh, free britney doc got so much Love from people were saying we were mean about his uncle Diet getting murdered people people were saying how we didn't handle his family death, you know, because all of his gay uncles got killed Oh, he was traumatized. And they said we handled him poorly. We weren't empathetic. So let's take a second. Bobby and I both. Yeah, yeah Part two. Here we go. Give us another shot. Hold on. Hold on fellas. Let me get Give me another shot. Just just really quickly. I don't want to spend too much time on this

Let's just say why why don't you just say to us? Yeah, man. Both my uncles died, you know from some crazy killer. So just say that Because but it was only one Oh, right. But the other one died. The other one died. We weren't sure. Okay. Yeah. Well, we were we were sure I'm not what happened to the second uncle second uncle. We uh, we don't know. Hey. Oh, he just We don't know. Oh, so back where you're from. There's no such thing as autopsies. Yeah, but we'll get to that I ain't talked to the family and got all that. Oh, that was just oh that just happened. Okay. So I remember that just happened So tell us again. We're gonna handle it differently real fast. We're gonna do it. I don't think we just did it

So, let me I don't think I should be like asking questions and go. What about this? Yeah, that doesn't help. Yeah. Yes I feel like a detective. Yeah, you are because he's a murderer That's why I'm my detective styling All right, so so go ahead and say let's go. Yeah, man. My uncle one of my uncles was uh, We'll let him get out Why would you laugh? This is a serious moment. See what I'm saying, Tino? All right, here we go. Ready? So One of my gay uncles was murdered. You shot up

Oh, no Don't laugh. Why are you? Bobby, that is not funny. I'm not even having a moment happening. I'm so sorry The people actually because I didn't even see it. I don't even know what's happening. No, you know what? Let's get you one of these. We're gonna get you one of these best uncle ever All right, let's give us another shot. Go ahead. Go ahead and go Oh, he was he was murdered. He was murdered. Stop. Say what? What a fucking thing. We have to do this. You did it. I was kidding. We have to do this. Yes, you do it again. Focus. All right. Ready? Ready?

Okay, okay. I'm gonna watch Tino. Why don't we just we just duck our heads duck down. We come out, right? Yeah, and when we come up, right, we're just new dudes. Okay. Go. I'm Billy Lee and you're Jimmy Santino. Jimmy Santino. Here we go. He's gonna be horrible. Two dudes, right? Okay, let's go ahead. Hold on. We gotta do a face. We gotta change our faces. What face are you gonna do? Okay, here we go. I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna do just a little squinty. Fuck. So, all right. So, engine. Abracadabra. Five, four, three, two, one. Abracadabra. So, my uncle Get a little moist. That shot up. He was killed. My gay serial killer.

Dude, that's never enough for me. That line is good. Do not. Can I tell you something? For the audience, we're not fucking laughing that his uncle was murdered, but the way Doc says it. Yeah. But by gay serial killer. It sounds like a bit from SNL. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know who killed him. We are gay serial killer. Like it's well, well, well. Here comes Rudy. Rudy. Hi, Rudy. How are you? I think I have a stomach ache. Why? The energy you bring is insurmountable. Is this Robin Williams? Yeah. You have a stomach ache, kiddo? What's going on? I keep farting a lot and my tummy hurts. You're farting? Are you farting right now? All right now. Okay. Before I came.

Sorry. Well, can you maybe not share that information? I mean, we, I farted a couple of times in the card as well. No, I like to share. Okay. She's actually on fire. What's going on, Roode? I just came home from school. How was school? Boring. What did you do this past weekend? She met a boy. Again? Huh? You met a boy, remember? You say you met a Filipino boy in your class that hello to you. Oh, yeah. Yeah, a Filipino boy said hi to me. Yeah, and? He was cute. Did you guys exchange information? No, I forgot to ask. Big time. Yeah. But she goes, well, he's in my class. So you'll see him again. Did you see him today? Yeah. Yeah. What's his name? I don't know. That's good. So you're hitting it off.

Oh, wait. So you met him, you said? Yeah. So how did that? Hi. I'm someone in your class. I don't want to know your name. You're just somebody in my class too. He did ask for my name. So how did you meet him? He just goes nice shoes and he just walked by? No, he asked like, are you Filipino? And I said, yeah. And then you go, I'm Juliana. That's what human beings do. Time out. He just said, are you Filipino? You said yes, and then that was it? No. And then he asked if I speak Tagalog and I said, no, I speak another dialect. And then he said, oh, that's cool. And I said, okay. Fuck, it must be so weird being your age. What a weird, what is that? That's it? That's what happened? Yeah, but it was, I liked it.

You like the interaction? Yeah. That seems awful. She's been alone for a long time. Yeah, really? You've been trapped up. I mean, that's very strange. You just go, do you, hey, hi, do you speak my language? I speak a different one. Okay. Bye. Yeah. What the fuck? Not like, hey, you know, we should hang out or hang out or whatever. He should do that. You could do it too. I can't. Why? Why? I'm too shy. Yeah, that is probably true. Yeah, I mean, but anyway, so if I walked up to you and asked you, are you Filipino? We would call the cops. If I walked up to you and looked up at you and I was like,

hey, hey, hey, hey. So would you girl? Is it a weird thing? Like, if I do it, like, is it okay just like because of age? It's you, but you look like Michael B. Jordan. Is that fine? Okay, good. Oh, that's bullshit. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Hey, man. You're Michael B. Jordan. What you're supposed to do? I'm sexy. Go ahead. That's Michael B. Shorty. No, but like, if another person of another race came and asked you, was you Filipino? Would it bother you? No. Oh, he's saying you said racist. Like, say a black dude came on, was like, Hey, are you Filipino? No, that's not gonna bother you. Okay. I thought it was racist

just to walk up to an Asian person and just guess. Well, if you go like, yes, it is. Yeah, if you get it wrong. No, actually, we have, I have a three strike rule. Okay. Right. So you get three shots. So someone's like, Hey, man, are you Japanese? No. Are you Chinese? Nope. You Malaysian? That's it. And that's it. And then you walk away. Yeah, I just shut down. Right on. But you don't, you know, why people don't get that. People don't go up to it. You, you, you're from England? You Irish? Yeah, I'm Irish. Yeah, yeah. But that's my point though. If you got that, we get that five times a day. If you got that, first of all, you don't get a five times a day. I used to. The culture changed, but in the 80s and 90s, it happened relentlessly. Someone would just come

up to you and go, in my life, I never walk up to an agent. They would walk up and they'd go, Tuddies! And you'd be like, no. Damn it! Anywhere, like they've lost, you know what I mean, money or something. I've never seen this. Yeah, they get excited. I'd walk into a bar or something. And you'd see wife just, I got this one. Vietnamese! And then, no. And then, and they'd be all, Oh, you have to get upset. I've never seen this. I can't believe this is real. Because it's my own private thing. When you're in a room with different agents, are you able to go Japanese, Korean, Chinese, fight like, can you, or are you just... Whenever a bunch of agents are in a room together, they do start calling out. Yeah, what I'm just saying, are you able to just like fucking...

Yeah, you know, I'm able to do a lot of things. Yeah. I just fucking don't. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. Because it's like, I don't... Do you do that with black guys? Yeah, it's easy. If I walk in and I say, Oh, okay, he might be African right there. No, no, no. That's not even that. That's a continent. What you're doing right now is, no, it's Ghana. That guy's from Ghana. That guy's from Kotoavir. You know what I mean? It's that kind of shit. No, I don't. No, what I'm saying is that... I'm not dividing... No, what I'm saying is... Listen to what I'm saying. If I'm in a group full of Asians, right?

What a nightmare. Right? I could say, you just said Africans. So I go, we're all Asians, right? But that's not what you're asking me. You're asking me specifics. Like, do we know what specific part of Asia are they from? So your thing is, if you're around a bunch of black guys, are you specific about where they're from? Like, oh, you're from South Africa. Yeah. No, you don't. Yeah. If they talk, I'll be like, yeah, that's what I mean. No, I mean, he took heritage from 300 years ago they came over here. If you said, are you Asian, you wouldn't ask them because you would already know by looking at me. But white people want to know specifics. Yeah, some of the whites. Yeah, because they have a favorite food and they want

to talk to you about it. See, I don't want to talk to anybody about it. Yeah. Go ahead. I do. I do the same shit. I kind of... I don't know. I don't know what to tell you. Sometimes I'll be like, I want some Korean food. Oh, you've eaten Korean food? That's what I'm trying to tell you. They eat three Korean dishes and I will, honestly, if you need me three Korean dishes, dude, I will be so nice to you for the rest of the podcast. Okay, the first one? Yeah. Wasabi. Just give them that for fun. Yeah, we'll give you that. We'll give you wasabi. We'll give you wasabi. That's for fun. That's for fun. Yeah. Okay, now it's serious. Is that one? Because that's not one. Okay, kimchi. That's one.

Hell, yeah. That's one time. Okay. Two more. Two more, man. Two more, man. Don't do that. Japanese horseradish. Compile chicken. Yeah. Okay, you're done. You're done. All right, all right, right. Do I need to keep going? Yeah, yeah, yeah. This means we're in the world. Yeah, yeah. It's real talk here. I don't know why shit. Oh, man. Imagine him walking up. Imagine him going to Koreatown and he goes inside of, like, a traditional Korean restaurant and he's just like, Hey, man, y'all got wasabi and kong piled chicken? They would take their katanas out, right? And you would just, they would serve you the next meal. Did you know this? No, man. Typically, in Korean restaurant, the wasabi

isn't real wasabi. Okay, can I just say this? I'm just trying to listen to me right now. Fucko. Fucko. He didn't know that, though. Hey, fucko. Wasabi is Japanese. Yeah. It's not a food. It's a condiment. It's like saying ketchup is a fucking food. It is a food. It's not a food. It's ketchup of food. Fuck it. It's ketchup of food. Can I tell you something? Right. But it's not Japanese though. It's not Japanese. There's not a Korean restaurant on planet Earth that has wasabi in it. Okay. Do you know why? Because it's like them saying, Oh, we have Indian curry too. I feel like this episode is we're getting out of control. This fucking podcast. So I'll turn it off. What's wrong?

Nothing. It's just, I feel like the Ritalin is affecting my performance. Can we talk about on the show? Yeah. So how many did we call you call me on the phone? You told me you're taking how much five milligrams of Ritalin now. Yeah. It's prescribed by a doctor. By a psychiatrist. Yeah. You feel like it's fucking you up? No. I know. Because you told me that you're getting better sleep on the Ritalin. It's been better. Yeah. But not as it's not solving my sleep problem now. But what would solve the sleep problem? Sleeping pills? Yeah. Fuck that. Can you take that? No. No, we can't. Fuck. Why is this a mic out? They turned his mic off. Why? I think because of the vibe. The boys made a shotgun decision. Go ahead. He's a producer on the show. Yeah. Hey, man, that's it.

Okay. No, no. What do you say, doc? No, man, I'm hurt. I'm fucking hurt. Well, then if you have a gripe, then you need to pick a bone with those two because those two, especially you college, you knew you're gonna diss me in front of everyone. Well, you know, okay, all right. You can't really trust a Mexican in the Spanish. Cause I'm good. I mean, this is what you're doing now is like, what do you do? Can I be real with you? Yeah, I completely disagree. He looks so dope right now. And yeah, that's like Larry David. Oh, that is Larry David. Then let me see the side. Let me look at the side. I love it. It's not great. The side. Oh, so that looks so tight. Do you like that? Yeah. Rudy, that looks tight. Yeah. See, young Gallagher, young Gallagher, young Gallagher.

Finish what you were going to say, though. So the Ritalin isn't helping. No, it is helping on a lot of fronts. This is unerable, this whole thing. I think it's unerable. I think I'm off. We're all a little off. You're natural. 10 times in. You're a natural.