Bad Friends - Draft Episode for Feb 02, 2026

Episode Date: February 2, 2026

Get MORE Bad Friends at our Patreon!! https://www.patreon.com/c/badfriends Thank you to our Sponsors: DraftKings, BlueChew, Shopify & Quince • DraftKings: Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app* NOW and use code BADFRIENDS. • BlueChew: Get 10% off your first month of BlueChew Gold with code BADFRIENDS. • Shopify: Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial and start selling today at https://shopify.com/badfriends • Quince: Go to https://Quince.com/badfriends for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube Audio Subscribe: https://apple.co/31Jsvr2 Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com 0:00 Bobby's Birthday Text3:30 Heated Rivalry & Free Bert8:00 Just Observe Yourself11:00 Stephen Hawking Carnival15:30 Steel Beans & AI Slop19:30 Chewing Gum & Riding a Horse23:52 Rick Glassman & The Pitt28:00 What's Up?32:00 Hound Dog36:00 Bantamweight & Erewhon Gang44:00 Hate Comments & I Am Phenomenal50:00 Voice Dubbed Special54:00 Number Two59:00 Bobby is Done More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbylee.live More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Fancy SOS VHS: https://www.youtube.com/@7EQUIS Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fancyb.1 More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ *Gambling Problem? Call one eight hundred GAMBLER. New York: call eight seven seven eight HOPENY or text HOPENY. Connecticut: call eight eight eight seven eight nine seven seven seven seven or visit CCPG dot org. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino in Kansas. Wager tax pass-through may apply in Illinois. Twenty one plus in most states. Void in Ontario. Restrictions apply. Bet must win to receive Bonus Bets which expire in 7 days. Minimum odds required. For additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see D K N G dot co slash audio. Limited time offer. Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: 7EQUIS https://www.7equis.com/ Podcast Producer: Andrés Rosende This video contains paid promotion. #bobbylee #andrewsantino #badfriends #sponsored #ad Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? White dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. You two are something. We're bad friends. You know what I love dude? Yeah.

I love dried noodles. You know what I mean? The Chinese, where they have the dried noodles and some sort of gravy, like some Chinese gravy on top. So you get some of the like soft parts, right, and then the hard parts. Somehow like my, my me. I'm hard and soft at the same time.

You know? Well, you need to be soft before you can get hard. Or vice versa. Be hard and then go soft. Yeah, that's what I do. Okay, good. Can I tell you what's bothering me about the internet and Chinese? All these Brits posting about getting a Chinese.

We're going out, we're getting ourselves a Chinese. They call getting Chinese food. Yeah. Getting a Chinese. Yeah. Look up getting a Chinese. And the UK, getting the Chinese is common, non-offensive slang for phrase meaning to order or buy a Chinese take away me.

Why is it okay for... So Brits are the first people to get mad at people for saying something incorrectly on PC. They say go get a Chinese. I mean, that sounds pretty scary. In this day and age? Yeah. I get a Japanese. That's easier.

Much easier. Yeah. Either you get it. The Japanese are easier to catch. They really are. Are they not? Well, they're more patient. Yeah, they're like in their suits.

You know what I mean? Just out with their briefcase out there. Well, you can't run. And they get drunk. That's when you get them. You can't run. You go to Tokyo, two in the morning. A bunch of businessmen, they're drunk.

that's when you get a Japanese. That's when you get a little Japanese. Yeah, yeah. Going to get myself a Japanese. Yeah, you don't get a Chinese. They're harder to catch, dude. They're ninjas. They're very amazing.

They're in the trees. That guy's easy to grab. Look at that. Yeah. That's such a great culture. When we go to Japan, we should do a late night walk-and-talk video where we find drunk Japanese men sleeping on the street.

You're the only one. You're the only one that texted me on my birthday. You're the only one. Well, clarify what you mean by birthday. My A-A birthday. That's right. I'm the only one. You're literally Sunday.

the only one, none of you bastards, right? Came to my special, thank you. Came to my special. Yeah, we were there. But, but. Yeah, yeah. What? Who didn't?

Who didn't? He's busy. No, but let's. Andrew's a busy man. He's in that magic movie, right? He's hanging out with, you know what? You know why I didn't come to the special for me? Because you have your own shows.

No. Yeah. Carlos knows. I even said to those guys when you weren't here, I said, I should cancel the shows. And then I thought, you probably don't want me there. And you said to me, off air, if we're going to be honest about it, You said, it's probably easier if you're not there. Because you're going to give me notes.

I would never give you notes. I said, you don't need the pressure of me being there. And I was honest with the guys. I said, I was going to call my agent cancel. And I said, he probably doesn't want me there. Yeah. And you said to me off air. I didn't want you.

Yeah, that's right. Okay. So thank you. I don't think we should go. I mean, you know, if there's a wedding, like if I'm getting married, obviously you should come. No, you don't want me there for that. No, no. You got to come.

I will. Yeah, yeah. So you can go, no, I don't agree. You know what the vows? Object. Yeah, object. I want you to object. Imagine I object, and it's because I want you to be my wife.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. And you do a speech? Mm-hmm. Yeah. And everyone's crying. It's that moment in the movie. Yeah.

I pick you up. We run down to the ocean. Yeah. We go swimming and everybody, it's a beautiful moment. Then the music stops and everybody realizes it's just us in the ocean together. God. Waiting away. He did rivalry.

Mm-hmm. He did rivalry? Yeah. Revelry. No. He did rivalry. Okay. Do you know about it?

No. The show? It's my jam. What's heated rivalry? This show is my jam, dude. What is this? Gay hockey show. It's a gay hockey show.

This is why everybody online is talking about, yeah, when did they kiss? People are going to hockey games and going, when did they kiss? Dude, it's so hot. Dude. It melts the ice. It melts the ice. It's so hot. I've been watching it, dude, right?

There's a scene, these two rookies in the beginning, okay? This is where I'm going to be a little. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to be a little. Now, take that off. I don't want to see that. Yeah, yeah. There's, yeah.

Stop it. There's these two rookies, right? And they find themselves in the gym, right? And they're also like, you know what I mean? Not nemesis, but they're rivals. Okay. Hence the name. He did it right from it.

Pretty on brand. It's pretty on brand, right? And one guy goes, can I get a drink of your water? He pisses in his mouth? No, he doesn't. And he hands him a white water bottle, and he does a light, a little brush of the finger. And that sets it off?

It turns into a gay porno after that? Dude, I'm watching it going, I'm in. I'm in this. So this is a gay love story. Yeah. What is this on? Bravo. No, it's on HBO.

It's on HBO. I'm going to call my local, I'm going to call my local congressperson to get this removed. Yeah. And here's my only problem with the show. Is all the gay shit? No, it's not the gay shit, right?

The Asian one, right? When they first hook up. He's the bottom. He comes too fast. He comes, do you see it? He comes way too fast. Oh, boy. Yeah, and because the Russian one, there's always a Russian one.

Well, they're hockey. Yeah. And he doesn't know what his sexuality is the Asian one. I think we figured it out pretty quickly in the show. Yeah, but he doesn't know, right? And then when he blows him, right, he comes so fast, right? And I'm like, too fast. PTSD for you?

No, I just want to see the last. What do you mean? What does that mean? A little, what do they call that when you have an acid flashback? You got a cock flashback? But anyway, dude, half Asians, wow. So heated rivalry is your favorite new gay show. Yes, my favorite gay show.

I can't watch that kind of stuff. And can I say something? Crazy talk. What are we talking about? What do you mean? I don't want to watch that stuff. See, that's why I watched it. Because I don't want to be that guy says, I don't want to watch that stuff.

I am that guy. I don't want to watch that. Yeah, I don't want to be that guy. I want to be open, right? And go, oh, he's, you know what I mean? He's an open book. He's in touch with this feeling. I don't want to see sex scenes between straight couples on shows.

I want to see shows that are more creative than just sex. Yeah, I only tell one episode. I'll never see it another one. Yeah. You know, the girl I'm saying made me watch it. I saw the first episode. That's enough for me. I know what happens.

When you brought up a gay love scene, like two men in love, I thought you were talking about Free Bert. I thought it was Bert's new show. Yeah, yeah. Honestly, I watched it the other night. Good. Brother, it's great. I heard it's good.

It's not good. It's great. It's fantastic. It's so fun and it hits all the notes. Yeah, yeah. It's a great show. Great. I'm not saying that because he's our boy. So happy for it. It is fantastic. Yeah. And, and, uh, um, oh God, what's wrong with my brain? What's her name?

Ardumarne. Artiman. Ardaman, yeah. Artemann. Artim. Artim, yeah. Artimus file. Yeah. Arden. Arden. She's Arden, right? Yeah. Arden Mirren. Yeah, she's great. Arden is, um, I have to say something. You've known her for a long time. I've known her. We're on on Matt TV earlier. I know. Yeah. Arden looks so good for her age. Okay. Is that bad to I don't even know. Yeah, yeah. What is she, 106? No, she's my age.

You corrected it by saying sexy. Is that, is that mean for me to say? No. Need that for her age part. I didn't. Just say she looks good. Let me get that again. Take two.

Yeah. She looks sexy. A little creepy, but yeah, that's fine. No, as a friend, I don't, there's no, come on. I know, man. Yeah, okay. Just teasing. 52 years old.

Yeah, she looked great. Yeah. You look great too for 54. Yeah. And I look. I remember when I played John McCain, she played Cindy McCain. I remember. That's pretty sweet.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. Look at that third picture, babe. The third photo. Yeah. There it is. Zoom in. You do look like John McKin.

That's incredible. Yeah, yeah, it's incredible. If you're ever wondering why not a lot of Asian guys he had casted in sketch comedy, that's it right there. Why? I mean, it's hard. You look nothing like John McKeown. You look like an older Asian guy. Yeah.

You're playing your dad. I look like Mitch McConnell's wife. Wow, look how much taller she is. in you. Why do they make her wear heels? Yeah. You have grown since then. Comedically, physically. Yeah. You've grown. So anyway, you guys, January 25th is my A birthday. So just text me out. You know, happy birthday. That'd be nice. I did. You're the only one no one else in my life. Well, it means a lot to me. Yeah. Dude, what a friend did. And I'm happy. Very good. I was really excited to see you today. Why? I got therapy this morning. I feel great.

Yeah. I feel great. I got a great lesson out of it. I used it. Tell me your lessons. Well, I'll give you one called Joy. I told the boys today. Joy, the acronym in the lesson today was Joy. Yeah. Just observe yourself. Yeah. He's like, just be in it a little bit.

Just stop trying to go full speed ahead and look for it. Just be in it a little bit. Yeah. I do yoge. Yeah, what is that? What? What is it? What is it?

Yourself, right? You always jerk off. I'm not done. No. Joy backwards. Yeah. Yourself on Jeremiah. Yeah, what do you think?

Anyway, yeah. Now, I feel good. Do you, because I felt after my special, I felt like, Postpartum? A little bit. Is that real? Big time. Yeah.

Especially when you're writing the new hour, I am in postpartum hell. Yeah. In fact, today I got on Lexapro because of it. No, don't get on that. Yeah. Please, dude. I'm so depressed. How many pills are you on now?

So many different kinds. Ozzy, Lexi. Yeah, yeah. Bluetooth. Where's the Bluechu? Yeah, you got to eat that. Bluetooth. He loves it. Yeah, yeah. You do really use that a lot. I do. Does that balance okay with your medication? Oh, yeah. Good. Yeah. Everything works. But yeah, so you're saying that there is a feeling of

a little bit of a... There's a postpartum special or a postpartum shooting, but I feel the same way after I film anything. Anything, I always feel a little sick and bad. Just because you put some, you put so much into something. People that don't know, you worked so hard on the special. I think so, yeah. No, you did. I saw you every night, multiple times a night. And then when you put it's hard when you're done because then you're like yeah it's just weights lifted but you also feel a little empty because the night was magical i mean you guys were there you know you mean so it's like um we were surprised yeah that's another thing why did you so this is what he's this is what these i get offstage these guys are like oh you're actually funny you've seen him before i know but that was

the energy that you were giving me right why because you you took it to a different level yeah you were taping you did it yeah you have to though because when there's cameras on you're like i have to and milk it. You gotta milk it. Right? These guys don't know anything about showbiz. You know what I mean?

When you're doing a live show in front of people, it's not that I do 50%, but you don't really do a lot with your face and this stuff because they can't really see it. Right. It's all about tone.

But you're doing it big in this one. Yeah, I'm doing... White eyes. Yeah, I did white eyes. Yeah, I did... Oh, Asian eyes. Yeah. Scared eyes.

Yeah. Oh, just came eyes. Yeah. I did all of them. Yeah, you got to do them all. Full range. I did the full range of eyes, dude. Yeah, yeah.

I think it's a good thing that you're feeling this way because then you build something new again. I can't think of anything to say. Come on, talk about it. I literally don't have anything. I don't know what, I sit there and I go, I don't know what else to say.

Well, yeah, yeah. There's a lot going on in the world. You could talk about any of it. Oh, I see. You know what I mean? Yeah. Oh, by the way, this was amazing. What's this?

I died. There was a, this in, in, how do you say that, Fance? Cadif. Karith. Karth as Stephen Hawking. So like, I saw that. They all dressed up.

Look at that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Roaming the streets as Stephen. Yeah. Take me to Epstein's Island. Take me to, take me to take me to take me to take me to Epstein's island. The footwork on the guy in the middle is dead on. It's impressive.

You got to do a crooked foot. You have to have the lean. Yeah, you have to do lean. Yeah. This is a celebration of life more than anything. It is. It's a celebration of life. Yeah.

Whoever has the best technology I'd be, I'd be more impressed with. whose computer actually worked. Yeah. And the next year they're doing Michael J. Fox. It's going to look like an earthquake. And I'm going to do it that one. Give me your Michael J. Fox walk. Uh-uh.

Uh-uh. No way. Yeah, yeah. What's on your hat? Oh, the flower? What does that mean? It just, I think it's like a Japanese, like, version. That's cool, dude.

Let me tell you something. Shoha Otani has us on lock. What do you mean? Everything is Japanese now. Go to Dodger Stadium this next season. It's all Japanese. All the advertising. It's brilliant.

Yeah. You know they start, I know you don't love baseball. You're going to come this year with me. I'm going to come. This, all right. Pause. This guy, I think they said the Dodgers, I've already made their money back on him already. Because of how sellable he is.

Yeah. I mean, he is a, it's a megastar beyond megastar. Yeah. It's mind blowing. Yeah. It's not as big, but L-AFC getting sun on the team too. That's huge. Everything is son.

Even I know who that is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how big that is. Yeah. But that's money. It's all big money. It's Asians. Let me tell you, son.

Yeah. Knock on wood, dude. Asians are here, open up. We're here and we're here to stay. That's right. We're here, we're here to say, dude. I know. You don't mess with us, dude.

No, trust me. I'm learning Cantonese right now. Are you really? Late at night. Shon, shan chishals. My buddy, my buddy, who you know is teaching his son, Mandarin right now. You know my friends.

Speaking. They're speaking. No, speak to me. He did it this morning. Water? He was doing, it's like... Wata. No, it's like, chichot.

It's like, shishet. Shinscha. Shinsha. And he said, he knew coffee. Yeah. What's water? Does that literally say, wata? Shu-shu-e.

Shui? Shui. Yeah, it was that. Shui? Yeah, yeah. With a little kid, shu-ee. This morning. Yeah, yeah.

Cute. Yeah. So cute. What's ice? How do you say ice? I just curious. What is it? Bing.

Bing. Being. I can point. You know what I mean? If I'm with my Mexican friends, Bing. And they run. What is that?

Yeah. Oh, fuck ice is. Kuta Mardi ping. Kutemade P ping. Pee. Kutemada Ping. Pee. Kudey Mada Ping.

Kew de Mane ping. I'm going to Minnesota right now. I'm going to be yelling that in this room. Kue de Made P ping is the cool. They would make a hit song out of that. Yeah. Kutemada ping ping ping. That's so good.

That's fuck ice? Yeah. That's great. That's great, that's so funny, dude. Yeah. Anyway. Did you mind you, ping, ping, that's so fun. Yeah.

They can make anything fun. They can make it fun. Hey, you know what I saw this morning? What? I was actually a little proud. I almost sent you a little photog. What is it? I saw a billboard of our movie goat that we're in.

Wow. A huge billboard. I was like, holy shit. It's going to be a big deal. You can go to the thing? Yeah, we got to go. Yeah, yeah. We have to.

We don't have a choice. It's not this weekend, but next weekend. Yeah, we have to go to the premiere. Yeah, yeah. Look at that there. Yeah, I don't know which one that was, but it was just cool to see. Because we've never been in a real animated feature. I have never been an animated feature.

That's huge. Look at it. It's three-dimensional, too. Look at it. But zoom in, look what it says. From K-pop demon hunters into the Spider-Verse Spider-Man. Yeah. That's pretty cool.

I hope so, man. Yeah, I think it's going to be huge. I will say, we saw the movie. I mean, I'm not. You saw what movie? We saw this movie, I'm saying. We saw bits of it. No, what do you mean?

We sat down. We didn't see it fully animated. We did see it. Yeah, fully animated. We did see it though. But they showed us the, it was so fun, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know, it's cool to be a part of that kind of thing

because I've never seen animation come like that from zero to 100. We've been working on that for a year. Yeah? Oh, it takes forever. It takes forever. Willy Wonka's here. You want to bring in Willie Wonka. Yeah, yeah.

Willy, Wienka. Willie, Willie, Willie, Willie. Willie, Willie, Willie. Willie, Willie. What's up, dude. Dude. Let me say something, dude. Outfit.

Steel. Whoa. Outfit on Fleak. Overhydrate. Wow. Yeah, keep it getting. Look at that. Let me say something.

I didn't recognize you at first because you lost so much weight. Thank you. Yeah, yeah. I'm not going to lie to you either. I 100% didn't know that was you outside. I was like, what the fuck? When I met you, dude, you were much bigger. Dude, like 80 pounds every.

This is my usual weight than I'm usually at. That's the one I miss. No, I'm kidding. No. Seattle Times took that picture. Dude, thanks to jamming the van for this picture where I look like a goblin. Yeah. You do look sickly there

Yeah That's a pale man Yeah Tell me how you lost all the weight Dude I just I eat scrambled eggs And fucking exercise every day I dance like James Brown

In my house for like three hours That's amazing Scrambleed eggs It's amazing Scramble eggs dance like James Brown You look like this America Snake Well I mean you know

You like incense I feel like you like incense I feel like you like incense I do if I have time Yeah I used to go to Seattle You like things around the house I bet you I bet your money

Dude I walk around the house naked every day Yeah. That's how I live. And so, like, if my girlfriend's niece moves in, it's like, oh, fuck, you got to wear clothes. Amen. Never again. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Don't let your girlfriend's niece move in. Yeah. Is that a life lesson? It's a life lesson. That is a life lesson. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, why that?

Her ghost is right here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, man. Do you know Jules? Don't know her. But you know about her. But you know about her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was of her.

Are you an AI guy? Eh, no. It's strange to see it come and. go because a year ago everybody in the comments will go if you're not in AI you're going to get left behind and that's totally flipped now in the comments people are like what is this AI slop what is this so I'm kind of stoked to see the public reception flip right you know because I think it's cool they still can't get green screen to work perfectly like when you go to yeah we're working on it every day in here yeah just can't get it done it'll never have the uh the human emotion of comedy or the

nuance in songwriting, you know. Yeah, that's true. It's you. It's going to be us. It's got to be us. But there was a song on TikTok. Oh, so good. What?

The AI song. It's an AI song. I know. It's a live song. You know live, the band? I can feel it. Yeah, that song. Yeah.

It was like an R&B version of that song. And I tried to find it on my iTunes and it doesn't, it's not available. It's AI. Yeah, it's fake. But it sounds good. There's AI. Are you scared? or no.

Oh, yeah. Because when I, I love that. I'm scared. They'll never, they'll never come close, dude. I can write you any genre in the next five minutes. I write like five,

10 songs a day when I'm locked in. But I collect all the gear from like the Motown days and I'll record you a Motown song and write you something that'll make you cry. AI only exists because it's copying. It's a reflection of the human emotion

and all the stuff that's trained it. Right? But will it continue, will it get so good that it will then train us? It's at the fingertips of human command. So no AI thing is existing without a guy firing the command. So it comes down to a laziness on the writer's behalf. Right?

I entered in, write a song in the style of steel beams. And I'm not like that famous, but my lyrics are on there. And it wrote a song. And I looked at the lyrics and I was like, damn, this is kind of some lyrics I would write. But I would never say this. It's hacky to put this sentence like that. It's the fine tuning that puts the eyebrows.

Did you say that to AI? Because if you say that, then it's going to, good, I'll just get better at it then. Oh, yeah. That's the problem is that people go, this isn't good enough, and it goes, working on it. And it just continues to like,

what you just said into that microphone now? Right. It's being recorded. It's put out into the app. Like, AI is going to know now. Fuck. Yeah, you fucked up. You fucked up, dude.

Yeah, yeah. And I purposely did that by asking those kind of questions. Damn it. You're done, dude. You got an album out now? I do. I didn't come here to promote my. album that came out on October 9th on Anderson Pack's label, Apeshit Records.

Awesome. I got Troy Van Leeuwen from Queens of the Stone Age on three of the songs. Let me ask you about that part of it, right? You're playing the guitar, playing drums at the same time, and singing. Yeah. Right? It seems difficult. It's like chewing gum and riding a horse at the same time.

Is that what it is? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I don't know if you've ever tried to... Riding a horse with gumming. Not done that yet. It throws both you on the horse. the horse off. It's just tough rhythmically.

Christopher Reeves. That's what happened to him. He was chewing too much gum. Way too much gum. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't blame him. So is that, I mean, you're thinking, are you thinking, though, it's just organic? I'm not thinking at all. Wow. I'd be honest, the lame answer is it's not that hard because I played drums since I was two, got into guitar in middle school, and I was texting the band, fuck, when are you guys going to get here to rehearsal? And I sat down at the drum set with my guitar on. I just went, bangle, bangle, Yeah, let me see if I can do it. And you gotta move rightly!

You got it. Yeah, yeah. Are we about to start the first two-man, one-man band? You gotta do it two times or not less. You can do it. I do, this is a two-man band. Yeah, try it. Tamada ping, ping, ping.

Tamada bing. Toma the bing. Tamada bing. Tamada bing. Bama da Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing. Very good. There we go. Thank you for being a bad friend.

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Chime card on time payment history may have a positive impact on your credit score. Results may vary. See chime. You know Longfoot's here. Yeah. Longfoot's in the house. Longfoot's here. One of our favorite.

Look at those feet. One of our favorite guests and friends. Amen. Lover. Praise the Lord. Rabble Rouser, if you will. It's Rick Lasman. huh?

Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Ricky, what's going on? Where do I begin? That's the show. Thanks, guys. Thanks for coming in.

Could I plug my tour? There's a tour? There's a tour. Yeah. What coffee shops are you going to play? Hello. San Francisco, Denver, Houston, Cleveland, Dallas, Portland, Salt Lake City, Austin, , Indianapolis, St. Louis.

There it is. He's going to be at the San Francisco Starbucks. Well, it's a reserve. On Main Street at, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The Denver coffee, coffee bean, the Houston, Alfreds, which is good. That is really good coffee. He'll be at the Houston Alfreds.

People say they love it. Yeah, it is good. Do what? The Denver coffee bean? It's one of the best. It's a great gig. Can I actually coffee bean? I'll be in the Cleveland.

Oh, they're gone. You excited or what? Man, I've never loved stand-up more. Yeah, you're very good at it. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you. I think I want to fill my hour.

I've been working on this hour for like about two and a half years now and there's reverb from the headphones that are coming through to the microphone can you just put in your ears? It's too loud You put in your ears? Yeah, headphones are too loud

Okay, okay, okay. Do you bring the cans down? And now let's get into it. Let's go! Could you bring the can down? Bring the can down, he asked you twice. He did. The Red Bull?

Thank you. The Red Bull. Someone's got to bring the can down. Ricky, this hour is going to be fantastic out of you. I know that because you're really killing it lately. I just got it. Play on work. Was it play on work.

What if that's how you laughed? It was a play on words. What if that's how you laughed? Richard. What if that's how he actually laughed? That is? Yeah, can I say something? You like eccentric socks?

You tell me. Yeah, yeah. I got these at a museum. Oh, which one? It was the one where the cows go to. I'm sorry, a museum. Burn. Sorry, dude.

You asked for it. Can I think about it? I get it. Okay. Let's get into it. I really get it. Yeah, yeah. And their stance, no less.

Yeah. You know what show I've been watching, though, that I really like? Have you seen this show The Pit? No. Have you heard of it? The show about Rothesberger? The Pit. You watch this show?

No. Can I say something? Yeah. Yeah. I've never seen a medical show before. I never saw ER. I never saw Grey's Anatomy. I never saw Scrub.

And I never saw Scrub. right and i've been watching the pit right why would you want to be in the medical field it's so have you seen the bloopers the bloopers on the pit oh they're insane i pull up the pit bloopers just ben rothusberg getting tackled a bunch yeah yeah very funny it's such a stressful job yeah yeah have you ever been a mother you mean the sitcom yeah have you ever watched the mother did you do that an episode of the mother no i never know what's the mother the cbs show the mother that's at mom actual hardest job in the world bye far. Is that called mom? No, well, the mom, mom, the show mom is a spinoff of the mother. The mother

was an original show on CBS. Okay. Do you remember how successful bad friends got after people started talking about your mom? Yeah. Isn't that crazy? That was a big piece of our puzzle. Yeah. Yeah, we learned. I put that in the special. Oh yeah. I heard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you know what? I might sue you. Why? It's copyright. You said it on this show. I'm Bobby Mom is mine. Okay. It's my phrase forever. Isn't it yours impression of, isn't the original IP his Mom? Doesn't she actually say that? The phrase is copywritten. She doesn't actually say I'm Bobby Mom?

She's never said it once. Do you want to edit that out? Is it worth you getting credit for something? Because people love it because I thought. No. She's never said it. Okay. I'm suing.

I'm suing. What's up with the Groucho Marx's eyebrows? Do I have Groucho Marx eyebrows? Yeah. A little bit. I don't think so. Okay. Is that the black guy from Full House?

Yeah. There he is. There he is. Yeah, yeah. I think it's the wideness of it. You know what I mean? Not the thickness. I don't know what my eyebrows look like.

I haven't looked in a mirror in three months. Yeah. It was a slam that didn't work, actually. What happened to those words? You got the mirrors out of your house? No, I just don't look at them. They're there, though. Mm-hmm.

My gosh. Self-restraint. Yeah, it's tough. Every time I walk by, I go, I want to take a fucking look at this guy. I want to see what it looks like. Because when I look in a mirror and I go like this. I don't know how to do it. That was great.

That was a great. I felt like I had Botox or something. I felt like I couldn't do it. Hell is other people. Yeah, I don't know. Get it. Like, sorry, this is a nightmare. Oh, we can call it.

I'm just saying, no, what I'm going to say this, right? If we died and we were all three stuck in a room together, oh, my God. Wait. I would climb, I would, I would, I would, I would. Imagine for us, then. What do I mean? Oh, this is what you see? Every day.

Okay. Well, you're welcome. Yeah. You're welcome. What's up? Not much, what's up with you? That's what I mean. You have what's up on your shirt.

You're supposed to say what's up on your shirt. What's going on here? Bobby. No, you shut up. You make it. Very successful podcast. No, no, no. When we're very, very successful podcast.

So basically what I'm saying to you is that, no, I don't think it's me. I think it's you. Yeah, yeah. No, it's up. That's not, that's a, that's a chicken. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bad friend, tugger belly. Oh, really?

You think so? I don't know. Why don't you vote the analytics? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We don't have, we don't have to have huge celebrities to up. What is that noise? Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's going up. That's going up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, so if the stock. We understand. We understand what this is. You think this is grifting? You think that's Hollywood grifting? No. Okay.

Congratulations. because he's making it sound as if you're grifting. We've had those people on the show. I know. We're grifters as well. We're grifers as well. Well, Paul Rudd, I mean, what a job you've done. What a job you've done.

I don't think he'll be coming back on. Well, he's dead, right? He was left. I don't think he was dead. No. He was severely injured. Yeah, he was injured. He got fucked up a couple of times on my podcast.

Yeah. And I felt bad. but he told me I could post it and then he told me that he was upset that I posted it but he didn't know that he said that because he was on pain pills he didn't quite understand what I was asking him

he didn't really remember it did he block you on platforms or anything? I only connect with him through his publicist I don't know I don't think he's on any social media he's one of those guys that it's like like you know people like social media is stupid but like they're on it all the time yeah yeah yeah he's not on it

What's your screen time on your phone? Does it register? I can look. Yeah, yeah. I know mine. What is it? Depends on the week. I go between four hours and eight hours.

All right, so I'll tell you what, you know what my daily averages? Four hours and ten minutes. How do you find? That's like my low end. Yeah. My daily average is five hours and 44 minutes. Is that bad? Five hours of your life on your phone?

That's pretty bad. Yeah, I think it's bad. I mean, I think it's typical. And I think it's bad. Carlos is seven hours. No, is it really? Oh my God, a day? Yeah.

That's insane. What's yours? Between four and eight. But also, it's tough to know because sometimes I'll, like, I'll put stuff on. Like, I'm listening to YouTube on my phone or something, you know? Yeah, let me see. Instagram is the most. And TikTok.

Three hours of OnlyFans. That's what it says here. Posting or watching? Posting. Feet picks. Feet picks. Messages takes up most of my time. Do you think that's reading or writing?

I can't do either. That's probably why it takes me so goddamn long to get through that app. I open it up, I scroll forever. It's impossible. It does say OnlyFans online, 15 minutes. It's not that bad. No, that's not bad.

Yeah, yeah. What do you do on OnlyFans? Do you watch stuff? Do you send that messages? I watch. I'm a supportive of the arts. You look young when you smile. I don't think I've seen you look smile before.

Yeah. I love anything creative. How much money do you put on Onlyfans? How much do I spend? A month, yeah, do you think? A couple hundred bucks, I think? No, way more. A couple hundred bucks?

A day. No, a couple hundred bucks. Do you buy the videos, like the extra ones? Sometimes I do. But you know, the descriptions, though, I want to sue. Oh, I know. You know what I mean? I know.

Yeah, like this video, you're going to see it all. And it's not all. It's some girl in a fucking bikini. But fool me once. Shame on you. Fool me twice. Knock it off. Don't get filled again.

Don't feel it again. Give a man a fish. Okay. Fool me four times. Teacher Amanda Fish, I used to do that as a bit. I think I'll bring it back. Fool me five times. Shame on me again.

Fool me six times. Well, you can't fool me again. Can't get fooled again. Can't get fooled again. You fool me, can't get fooled again. This guy's a hound dog. You ain't nothing but a hound dog. Crying all the time.

You're a hound dog. You know how I know? You remember? At my birthday party? Did that, da, da. What you said you was high? Don't do you look so bad All the time

I can do it too palis I can do it too pal You say it looks like he's bell palsy That's fucking great That is true I went to school with the Bell's palsy Yeah what do you do Mr. Mrs. Palsies kid

Pop's has him to freeze He said I will halfway I see His name was Bell That's a joke His last name is Palsy Do the can thing again We'll be in Denver.

Yeah, yeah, coffee bean. My point is is this, welcome to the show. Thank you, man. And really having you on is, what a pleasure. Are you reading this? Yeah, yeah. We'll be right back. I'm doing one of yours.

Yeah. What else? I know, exactly. We're back. Yeah? We are back. We're back. We're back.

You like going on the road? You just want to make this short up we could just call like going on it up i have sincerely been loving it yeah you get nervous or you bring openers who do bring mike linoche he's been coming with me uh good is he really oh love the love the lov the lovloch love the linoche that's good merch yeah this is like a first date that is uh we both realize we're not attracted to each other is that why is it you and i i mean do him He's vibe with him.

All right. Yeah, yeah. We'll see you guys vibe. All right. Would you like to host me? I'd love to host you. All right. How have you been?

Lonely. What's going on? Are you dating right now? Yes. Technically, yes. I would call it dating. I am making an effort to meet people and to go out with them. I have not been dating like either somebody I'm dating.

Then I'm like, ooh, I found my person. but you are searching yes okay when we say this you're dating right now do you do this thing where you take multiple women to the same restaurant

like you'll go back to the same restaurant with a different girl I don't think I've ever been to a restaurant in the past three years good I've been doing that and I hate when the host goes

one sec I'm so sorry it's just why I was vibed with Andrew I was just seeing how that was going remember I was just trying to see how that goes give us a sec Andrew what were you asking I was just saying when you go out on a date to a restaurant, will you take a different girl back to that same restaurant later in the week or a different week? I don't know. Bobby?

I hate bringing the same girl back to different dates because you've done it a bunch. Because the host will go, welcome back, Mr. Lee. Yeah. Another one. But you've done it. It's as if they say that. I have a question. Is the host, fuck, I hate when I can't remember things.

Thank you. Excuse me? Was the hostess DJ Khalid. So when a host says, oh, welcome back, why don't you go to your date? I've only been here with friends before. I've never been here with another girl before. Just do that. And then she'll be like, oh, few.

I've gone to a restaurant where they've told me, they go, yo, your boy Bobby, you come in here. He brought a bunch of different girls like the same week. Anyway, let me take your order. Do you go out with different girls with like? I'm seeing one person now. Yeah, this is in the past. This is in the past.

also take off your notifications on your iPhone iPad that's what I've been doing what does that even mean because because you get text messages from people you're watching the pit with on your iPad yeah yeah watching the pit right are you guys on a plane

and all of a sudden you get like a nude photo he lives on a plane right on your messages and she's like what's that it's just my cousin Sabrina you get to make a lie oh she has nice dress she sure does do you really do you get to get a

random people sending you naked pictures. But that you take off the notification and they'll pop up again. But that's real. You'll just randomly get. Like not the UFC, like UFC fight pass or whatever. That's fine.

You know what I mean? You know what I mean? Dustin McGougal's fighting Natty Breihart. You know what I mean? That's fine. That's a good fight. It's a good fight.

Google should win that fight. Yeah, yeah. Those are made up people? Yeah, I wouldn't know. Yeah, yeah. That was a good names, yeah. Yeah. Name some fucking fake UFO.

I know Marcus Monroe. Marcus Monroe is very good. Batman and weight. What's that? Bantam weight. But I bet it was a while ago he's still fighting. Still Bantam.

I'm into the female fighting. Yeah. Sarah Mitz Finovich. Fittich, the family is good. Good boxing lineage. That's not nice to talk about that. Her dad died in a fire. Her dad died in fire.

Kia Starbin or Sturban? Sturban. Sturban. Sturban. Kiva Sturban. Yeah. But her sister, my God. When she fought Aschka Malosi,

I'm not kidding. I thought they was going to end her career. Yeah. Because she had her in a four, Fine. Yeah, yeah. The four fine lock. What is the four fine lock?

The four fine lock is when the your, you know Kumar, right? You know, right, right? Kumor hold into a four fine. Go 360 on the Kumora, right? And then spin it around, but it's been it around. 360 and Kumar brings you right back to where you started. Exactly.

So they just call it nothing. Oh, that would. Yeah, that would call it nothing, but they have a name for it. Oh, yeah. Crazy. Her first fight, though, when she fought Tatum Tatum. Dude. Dude.

Insane. That was insane. Because she's a heavyweight. Exactly. Why? They let them fight in that same. In the case, it almost died. Almost died.

That was incredible. Yeah, yeah. The paramedics were like next to the ring, like waiting for them to be done. Are you saying there were two medics? Yeah, the paramedics were there. The paramedics were there. The paramedic. Four luck, half moon.

Have you ever seen that move before? Show me how that goes. Right? You take both for your legs, right? Both of your leg. Yeah. You take your own leg. Yeah.

Your own legs, you lock around their legs, right? You look at the moon, right? And then you go 360. So you end up back where you start. Exactly. I don't know why they named that either. Well, a lot of Muay Thai. A lot of Muay Thai does go back to start.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's when you eat more Thai. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Well, you have to order it before the last round. Yeah. You won't get there in time. Yeah.

And if you want more tie tie. Yeah. But Tatum, Tatum does it in liquid form. That's Jason Ketam's son. Exactly. I thought we were talking about female. No, no, it's Casey Kaysam's daughter. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Twice removed. What does that mean there's twice removed? It's a second cousin. It's like a second cousin. I have a twice removed because to make sure they don't put cheese on it. Well, you got a twice removed means you were kicked out of the family two times. You said something bad twice at a dinner. So you're twice removed.

You're still blood, but they don't want you in the family anymore. Twice. Do you ever play poker and somebody bets a lot of money and you want a call but you don't and you let them know because it's too much money and the way you let them know, you say too rich from my bleu? Never? Well, if I'm playing with a bunch of crips.

Yeah. You say too rich from my bleh? Yeah. Crowd show. What happened to the crypts and blunds? You don't hear much about that. They're still around. Yeah.

You don't hear much about them. They have a podcast now together. Yeah. What? We have the same publicist as the Cripp and Blood Podcast. Yeah. Show me the Cripp and Blood Podcast.

Oh, I like the map. Are you AI Cripp and Blood Podcasts? Do you what happened? Imagine how good it is. Wait, go back to the map of L.A. I'd love to see where the divides are because certain neighborhoods that I need to go in. This is what Gavin Newsom has been trying to change, right?

Yeah, yeah. What do you mean? Is he a Crip? He's just trying to change the, he's redistricting at all. Yeah. Good for him. That's what we need. Zoom into that map.

That's great. the gang map. I love a good gang map. I want to know where in my area. Mostly rich. Yeah, it's mostly Airwane. Great gang, by the way. Oh, my God. One of the best, one of the toughest gangs in the Valley.

I was talking about their hot bar. Air one gig? Yeah, Airwant gang. Shopify. Hey, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome to the Shopify. And let me say something. We have an online business here at bad friends. And we only use the best and we use Shopify.

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Quince.com slash bad friends. Oh, real quick, I want to just acknowledge the people. We know, Houston, Seattle, St. Louis. We'll put the fucking days. I just want to say here's a good spot for everybody. There it is. San Francisco Denver. Just be as mean as you possibly can if you haven't written those comments yet.

just be as mean as you possibly can. Now. How do you do with comments? How do you deal with it? Are you being crazy right now? Everyone fucking loved you. How do I deal with it? You are the most beloved guy on the internet.

Your show is a hit. You're a handsome tall Jew. Things are going good. Joe Rogan, I'd like to come to the mothership. There it is. I'd actually want to come there to perform. Nice. No, it's not going to happen.

What did you ask him? You just asked him an important one. I have no idea what's going on. You think people are going to be mean to you? We ask you about comments. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yes. I don't read comments.

I mean, sometimes, but I don't really read comments when I'm guests on other people's pods anymore because when people watch my podcast, they have an idea of what they're getting and they've decided that they like me. When I go on other people's podcasts, I think they think that I've hijacked it

and they're mad. Some of them might be a little bit mad at you too. Why would you let that guy on? We like that people, that you razze people. I like that you're a rabble rouser. Look at you. Here's what I like about you. You little bad boy.

Look at you at your little snarl. Who's a little bad boy? I'm not trying to snarl. You're a little bad boy. He's a nasty little bit. You're a nasty little bit. I have a good heart. I really believe that.

I think you're a very nice guy. I've always thought that. A little lost and confused, but. I think you're found. Yeah. Lost, confused, and found. Yeah. Good.

Good. Bobby. Yeah. Thank you for saying that. Huh? Thank you for saying that you see me in a way that is nice. Uh-huh. I think your penis is dribbling.

I think your penis is dribbling ooze. I can see you. Always has to go back to that, huh? You're right. You're right. You're right. It's a sickness, dude. It's a sickness.

I have rebel rouse syndrome. You are a rabel rouser, buddy. And it's really tough. Trying not to snarl. Don't, don't do it. Ricky, don't be a bad boy. Don't snarl on this show. Fiasco.

Please, don't, Ricky, please. That's what girls say when they see me naked walking away. They say, where'd fri-asco. Yeah, they say, where my ass go. And I say, it's running down my pants. Do you remember the joke? Do you really remember it? I remember.

remember it. All right, let's try to tell it. You start it. No. Okay. Absolutely not. Yeah, we're not doing this. Yeah, yeah. Do you really know the joke? No. The pee is running down my pants. Yeah. There's pee running down my pants. The kid asked the teacher to go to the, do you need glasses? I just, I have no idea. It's going on. The kid, it's an old, it's an old, absolutely lost. I go to the bathroom. There's pee running down my pants. And she says, why are we laughing? That's a quicker way of getting to it. No, the teacher says, sure, you can go to the bathroom, but first you have to sing the alphabet. Kid says A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, Q, R, S, T, U.S., T, U.S., teacher says, that's close, but where's the P?

Teacher says, running down my leg. My dad got pulled over the other day. I love your dad. You got pulled over the other day. The cop asked for his driver's license, and it says correct division, because he needs to correct division. and he says, wears your glasses to my dad. My dad says, I have contacts.

And the cop says, I don't care who you know, you need to wear your glasses. I don't care who you know. You need to wear my glasses. That's a joke my dad used to tell me a lot as a kid, and I always just thought it was a story he told me. Such a good joke.

Yeah. I love your father. Me too. You tell your parents I said hi? If I remember. Come on. It's me. Your parents like me?

I don't know you. You came to my birthday party Yes Yeah Only private people that I know well Come to my birthday party So we don't know each other Is that what you're saying

Stating out loud in public That we don't know each other You know me Why you're laughing Because you're getting real upset Yeah You know me and that's why I was invited Yeah but you know me as well

Did you bring your cousin You know me? I like that one I get that's still the same old G Yeah yeah I've been seen in a while Yeah well you know why He's been low key

That's right He's also hated on so and I can't say the next line because you could say that he has no wheels no keys and no snowmobiles and no skis what's that from no boats no snowmobiles and no ski what's that from out of me because I could finally afford to buy him a family with groceries sorry it rhymes yeah you're right got a crib it's an eminence on right to add to the wall full of plaques yeah yeah they keep in the back of my house house like trophies because y'all think I'm gonna let my dough freeze

Oh, please. You better bow down on. Both knees. I know this. Okay. I like the game. Give me another one. I know the game.

I puke, eat it, and freak you battle. I'm too weeded to speak to. The only key that I seated at each you would be for me to remove these two Adidas and beat you and force feed you them both. And each feet is a cleat shoe. His glasses get really foggy. You know what that sound is? All the people at the coffee even when you're performing. They all stub their toes.

and they're trying not to be disruptive. That's an espresso machine. What's your coffee? I haven't drank coffee since December, 2023. They're steaming a latte. Why? I did a cleanse for 10 days and I stayed off it.

I'm super sensitive to drugs and like weed. I only do a little bit coffee. So I drink now free plug, no joke, magic mind. I love it. Yeah, it's great. You keep bringing that up. It's really, I take it. Every time I see you about magic, magic.

I'm not good. I drink it almost every day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you have some on you? No. Okay. In you? Yeah, I mean, I had one today.

How much weed are you taking a day? I do weed probably between two and four days a week, and I take around five milligrams. That's it. Yeah. That's good. Yeah. Something low. Do you ever do the little microdose mushrooms, too?

I bought them. I haven't done them yet, but I'm going to start trying them. Phenomenal. Yeah? You know what I take them? I take them when I go golfing. You might go go, sir? favorite thing in the world.

Really? When you microdose them, do you think you are phenomenal? Do you ever say I am phenomenal? Throw it up. Depends on if I'm making a movie or not. I love the way I feel on them in the morning. Do you guarantee it? I can't.

Have you tried doing it in a suit? I will. You're gonna like the way you feel. I guarantee it. It is really good though. It starts my day off great. If I go out there and I stretch and exercise a little bit, it feels amazing.

Rick Glassman, I am phenomenal. on one of the best music videos all time. And who produced this? Rick Ross? Is this a Maybach music hit? That's a Maybach music hit. God, look at the hair. I remember you then.

I know you then. You know, I recently had, I won't say who, but it was an ex-girlfriend who I talked to every now and then. Say it. And she said, When your hair is long,

I missed like your hair, she saw that my hair was shorter. And she said, I like your hair longer. and even though I have no idea if I'm ever going to see this person again I think I'm growing it up. Wow. Maybe for her. Maybe for you.

And Mayback for Rick Ross. Mip, Mip, Mip, Mipak music. Do you ever miss your ex-girlfriends or no? Yeah. You do. Yeah. And you think to yourself, I fucked it up or maybe I could have done this better.

I think about what I could have done better and not exclusively in relationships, but also in relationships, sure. Because I would find that it would be, a nightmare dating you. I believe that. Yeah, yeah. I believe all your little rules at your house.

Yeah. Take your shoes off. Don't touch that. Don't touch that. Yeah, yeah. I wouldn't date somebody who I would care if you touch stuff. I just don't want you touching stuff. Unlike dating Bobby.

That's, oh, so it's a personal thing. When I go in your house, you're like, don't touch that. You don't wait. Me touching it? Well, you do touch everything. When I'm at your house,

I'm very fucking polite. You are very polite. I don't touch anything. Well, you know I'll yell at you do. Okay. Yeah. So I don't touch things. He's actually,

He's actually gotten better at not touching. Yeah. Because we do say that when he walks in. I go, don't touch. Don't touch. Remember, don't touch. Yeah. There's a cow in the living room.

Treat it like a. Terry. Museum. Don't touch. You know, when I was shooting my special, I lost my voice the Friday. Did you didn't hear about that? You told me you got steroids.

And I got steroid. He will. And I was really aggressive after that. Yeah, the steroids amped you up. Yeah, a little bit, yeah. What did you take steroids for? My throat. You want to get your throat stronger?

No, I was losing my voice. was when I was shooting my special, and I didn't know what to do Saturday. I woke up in a panic. Oh, wow. I lost my voice, and so I had a doctor come over and inject me some screwing. And it worked?

Like four or five hours later, it did work, yeah. Because you could just do subtitles for your special. Another Asian joke. That wasn't an Asian joke. Yeah, yeah. Or maybe get my voice dubbed. Is that we don't, get my voice dubbed? Are you doing subtitles?

Do it. Are you doing subtitles? I thought we were doing a bill. Go ahead. So, I'm weak at my dad. If I could use the bathroom, the teacher says, first you have to sing the, alphabet. The kid says, okay. A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L M, M, O, Q, R, S, T, U, W, X, Y, and Z. And the teacher said,

Oh, now I know my A-B-C, next time, won't you? The teacher says, what happened to the P? And the kid said, it's running down my leg. The coffee house, Denver. Yeah, that's crush. Go get the tickets right now. Coffee House, Denver.com backslash Rick, Rick, Rick. Yes. We'll put the ticket link in the description. Yeah. It's going to be great. But we're going to hide it. You have to find it. It's right by the high ho.

Oh, fuck. That's hidden. Which is what Mrs. Claus said to Santa Claus the first time they met. Mm-hmm. Nope. Put the cansed up. All right. So I almost forgot to bring this up. Okay. So I was driving like

a little over the speed limit. I got pulled over by the cop. Okay. My driver's license says it says here you need corrective eyewear. I wasn't wearing my glasses at the time. I said, I'm sorry, sir. I have to pee and it's running down my pants.

Cop says, I know that joke. And then I forgot how the rest goes, but I will text it to you. Okay. Okay. Rabble Rouse, level four.

And that's why your podcast is number two That's why my podcast is number two Are you saying it's shit? No But that would be a good shit joke If you wanted to stick that landing You should just let that one stick Hey your podcast is great

I hear it's not the best But it is a number two Heard your podcast is doing well Feels like it's running down your leg When was the last time you guys pooped your pants Backwards Yesterday Really?

Are you still talking about? about your love of the Beatles. I was clinching it and I barely missed, like five seconds. Yesterday? Yeah. Did it get in the underpants? I ran into my room and it just a plop came out.

So it didn't get in your underpants. And a question, you ran into your room? Yes. Not the bathroom. I went into the room where the bathroom is. So the bathroom? No, I entered the room, plop and then bathroom. You pooped.

Got it. Exactly. I have a funny story about. But five seconds. Just, I just need. did five seconds. God didn't give me that. Were you delaying it?

Yeah. Yeah. Is that like that feeling? I know. Did it get in your underpants? A little bit, yeah. I want to tell you, speaking of ex-girlfriends, I was dating a girl who lived in London, and my mom always wanted to go to London and flew her out, and this was her first time

visiting. And I was at my girlfriend's place, and my mom walked over from her hotel, and she had to use the bathroom. And she walks in, she goes, I have to use the bathroom. I have to use the bathroom. She had only met my girlfriend one time, and she walked to the bathroom, and then she came out after, and she said, I had a little accident on your rug. I might have to take this out. I had a little accident on your rug, and what do you want me to do with it?

She had the bath mat, and my ex said, throw it away. But my mom, you know, started taking her pants before she got to the toilet, so, you know, so it could be just a smooth sit. And much like what Bobby said, it just kind of plopped out a little. Oh wow She kept on the rug Embarrassing She wasn't Yeah

She was embarrassed I don't know if she'd love That I said this here But I do have an animation Oh Ricky Why did you do that I can hear her Yeah

That's your pod Ricky Let me ask her if it's okay If I talk about it She'd be fucking livid Oh my god Please don't I'm gonna talk to her now

Please don't I don't I'm Mrs. Glassman Yeah I like that Put her on Good morning. Mama, I'm on the podcast with Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino. And we were talking.

Hi, guys. Hi. Hello. And we were talking about the last time we pooped our pants. And I was wondering if I have your permission to talk about when you pooped in London on the rug. Sure. It's such a happy mature story. I'm very proud.

Also, we could bring. We asked Dad a quick question. Didn't Dad get pulled over? recently and they said that he needed his glasses. Dad, what happened? Well, he looked at my driver's license and he said, it says you need glasses. And I said, I have contacts.

I thought that's what happened. All right. Love you, dad. Talk to you later. I love you. I love you. Bob, show him the trophy that I gave you. Show him the thing that I got from Howie Mandel for you.

This was a gift. Pretty cool. You like mosquitoes? You ever? gotten one of those? No. I love mosquitoes. Howie gave it to me. Really, how he did. He loves mosquitoes.

I actually stole it from his studio for you. And he told me not to take it and I did anyway. He was really upset about it. Yeah, but he does that shit. He fucks with us all the time. So I figured I should fuck with him on your behalf. Yeah. So, Howie, this is mine forever? He actually said, is Bobby still mad at me? I said, you better believe it. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Good. He thinks you're still mad. It's fun. Well, you are. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, so I stole that. And he asked me to not take it. And I did. Okay.

You guys talk because I got to go. I do you maybe want to not do that by the microphone? No, it's... He, it is... Exactly. It's a child, right? And we all have our weak points. I know I have plenty.

I have so many. But Bobby is really like he's looking for candy, his bag of toys. He's probably his blood sugar's a little low right now. That's his backpack. He went to school. Bob, say say goodbye to Ricky if you want to go. I love you, Ricky. Thanks for, you know what I mean.

I do know what you mean. Yeah. Thank you for attending our podcast. What a pleasure. It was a surprise. I didn't know you were coming. Are you eating a little candy while you're telling me? Yeah, I am.

Worthers original? It's milky. Yeah, yeah. So anyway, good luck. Take care. I'm sure it's going to be great. You reach your limit, huh? I can't do this anymore.

What do you think it is about resigning? I'm completely out. So have a good time. You can continue to doing it. You know what I mean? I'm just not going to participate. Okay. Okay.

Could I see what it's like to be like a co-host of bad friends? Would love it. A little bit. Thank you. All right. So what we normally do toward the end of the show

is we think of some of our favorite hopes and dreams. That's right. And we give hints to the other person and we see if the other person could fill in that hope and dream. And it's a fun activity to see if they know what we're thinking. But it also, it lets us feel like, oh, they're helping us with our hopes and dreams. So I'll let you start. Something that I'm feeling right now is a need to be in a place.

You have to take a poop. All right. Am I right? Yeah, that's my hope. I'm going to hope I can poop. I also learned from an ex of mind that when you're sitting on the toilet, you could take toilet paper and you could place it on your butthole or if you're bevis bunghole and you just cordholeo right and you kind of press with your fingers and just kind of

massage your butthole yeah sure and then also I shoot water up my ass with my bidet and then it pours out and I have to assume as it's coming out poop is coming with it not always you'd be surprised all right well thank you for being a bad friend.