Bad Friends - Egg Nogging

Episode Date: December 23, 2024

NEW MERCH ALERT: go to https://www.badfriendsmerch.com/ Get MORE Bad Friends at our Patreon!! https://www.patreon.com/badfriends Thank you to our Sponsors: Huel, Noon, Rocket Monedy, Shopify, BLUECHEW, Viia & Draft Kings • Huel: Try Huel with 15% OFF today using cde BADFRIENDS at https://my.huel.com/BADFRIENDS. Fuel your best performance with Huel today! • Noon: Start your GLP-1 journey today at https://noom.com • Rocket Money: Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Go to https://rocketmoney.com/badfriends • Shopify: Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at https://www.shopify.com/badfriends • VIIA: Try VIIA at https://viia.co/BADFRIENDS and use code BADFRIENDS! • Draft Kings: https://sportsbook.draftkings.com Download the app and use code BADFRIENDS to get $150 in bonus bets when betting $5* YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com 0:00 Achilles' Heel & Asian Santa 6:00 Rudy Tries Eggnog 10:30 Fried Woking Dead 16:30 Zombies on the Spectrum 19:30 Too Fat for the Pearly Gates 21:20 Squid on the Tree 25:00 Christmas in the Philippines 30:00 The Great British Baking Show 35:00 PB & C 45:00 Not Invited to Thanksgiving 58:00 Feet on the Toilet Seat 1:10:00 Presents from McKone 1:5:00 The Good Whale More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbylee.live More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Juicy Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jetskijohnson/?hl=en More Fancy SOS VHS: https://www.youtube.com/@SosvHs Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fancyb.1 More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ *Gambling problem? Call 1-800-Gambler. In New York, call 877-8HOPENY or text HOPENY (467369). In Connecticut, Help is available for problem gambling. Call tel:[phone] or visit ccpg dot org. Please play responsibly. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino & Resort (Kansas). Twenty-one plus age and eligibility varies by jurisdiction. Void in New Hampshire, Oregon, Ontario. Bonus bets expire one hundred sixty eight hours after issuance. For additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see http://DKNG.co/BBALL. Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: 7EQUIS https://www.7equis.com/ Podcast Producer: Andrés Rosende This episode contains paid promotion. #bobbylee #andrewsantino #badfriends #sponsored #ads Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode of Bad Friends is presented and fueled by Huel, your go-to for complete nutrition. Try Huel with 15% off today using code badfriends at my.huel.com slash bad friends. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? White dude and Asian dude. You two are disgusting.

You two are something. We're bad friends. Oh, you have cookies in there? Oh my God. Oh, we should go try the nuggets here, dude. Oh, nuggets. We're all from Trader Joe's, dude. Is that from Teegers?

Pass that tin, playa. Mm. Pass that tin, playboy. Proud of him. One of our favorite traditions is hearing Bobby chewing on the mic. Jingle jangle, fun mixer favorite candy treat. Welcome to our-

Let it rip today, dude. Yeah. Let it rip today, dude. Yeah. Let it rip. I'm ready for it. I agree. I'm so depressed. I get so depressed during the holidays, I can't even, it's like a, it's a deep,

it's a deep depression. You don't get depressed? You love it. I stay depressed, dude. Let's see if this will make it over the crack. Yeah, December 1st is when it starts. Nope. December 1st you get depressed?

All the way until January 5th. What happens on January 5th? Because the next day is our holiday. Three kinks. What? Three kinks. The kinkings happen. Three kinks. What's three kinks? What is it? Let's start good, let's start good.

Let's not start like that. But you get real depressed. Oh yeah. Yeah, I could tell, dude. Your face gets all red and all depressed, huh? I had a massage today. And the woman said, is there anywhere I'm not allowed to touch?

Really? I thought about you. Well, there are some areas that you don't touch. I said, I don't want my face. I don't allowed to touch. Really? I thought about you. Well, there are some areas that you don't touch. I said I don't want my face. I don't like my face. I don't like my Achilles heel being touched. Mm-mm. Uh-uh.

I don't want that damaged at all, though. Didn't that happen to Troy? Who does that happen to? Who's Troy? Helen of Troy? What? Achilles. Achilles.

Oh, Achilles, yeah. What? Achilles. This name is not Troy? No, in Troy. Achilles. Oh Achilles, yeah. What? Achilles. This name is not Troy? No, In-Troy. In-Troy, oh that's what it is. Oh here we go. The Greek hero Achilles' only vulnerable spot was his heel.

Left untouched until his mother dipped him in the river sticks, as in after the band Sticks get their name from. Well that's everyone's vulnerable spot. Their heel? Well mine's the taint. Mine goes the taint. Taint. It's so vulnerable, my taint. It's tickly the taint. Mine goes the taint. Taint. It's so vulnerable, my taint.

Tickly wickly. I know, but there's probably a layer of skin that's not missing. There's something about the taint that area. Do you know what the taint is? Can you guess what a taint is? It's on your body. I'm guessing like on your feet?

No. Well, some of mine's on my feet. Yeah. Mine just stretches down to my feet. The vagina? No. It's the area between your balls and your butthole. Or your vag and the butthole. The taint is a vulgar slang.

That little skin, that little gap. Oh. Not little, some people have huge taints. I hate the way this started. All right. Let's switch it up. It's not a holiday spirit. No, I don't like the way this is starting. All right. Let's switch it up. It's not a holiday spirit. No, I don't like the way that's starting either, dude.

Let's start new. Let's start over. Jingle bell, jingle bell. All this the way. Oh what fun it to ride one whole open sleigh. Hey. Jingle bell, jingle bell. Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. Dude, Asian Santa at the mall? Jingle bell jingle bell

Dude Asian Santa at the mall dude see the owner my rapper. Yeah, how about you be now good the boy? There's no chimneys in Japan are there chimneys in Japan 100% there's chimneys in Japan, what are you talking about? There's gotta get in there 100% there's chimneys in Japan. What are you talking about? There's got to be. How did Santa get in there? Not only, yes, there are chimneys in Japan. They're not commonly seen. Because a lot of times you see in the city,

it's all buildings, it's all high rises. Right. I grew up in a high rise in the city when I was a kid. I grew up in an apartment building and I said to my mom, how does Santa even get in? We don't have a chimney. Right. And she goes, he comes through the front door.

And I thought, what an invasive thing to do. Cause the reason why Hiroshima and Nagasaki, it was so devastating is because the houses, no, but before the bombs, you know what they did? Fire bombs. Yeah. Why was that so? Warning shots.

No, that's not why. Why was fire so- Warning shots. No, that's not why. Why was fire bombs so detrimental in those Japanese cities back then? Teach me, Mr. Know-it-all. Wood. Their houses are made out of like rice paper and wood. Bamboo. No, really?

Yeah. What? I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, why didn't you answer it the first time then? Because I wanted you to say it. Oh. I don't think- It's World War II. I don't think you knew, man. Well, why didn't you answer it the first time then? Because I wanted you to say it. Oh. I don't think.

It's World War II. I don't think you knew, man. Most Japanese cities were built, highly flammable materials like wood and paper. Yeah. Extremely vulnerable to large scale fires when bombed, resulting in massive civilian casualties, widespread destruction of infrastructure,

significant impact on morale. Yeah, you'd think. If your house burned down, that would bum you out a little bit. It was devastating back then. You weren't even there. I was there definitely. You were?

Yeah, yeah. I was a baby. You were a baby in Japan? It was so devastating. Japan. I crawled to Korea. You did? Yeah, dude.

It's a long crawl. I know, dude. And I swam. You did. Yeah. Devastating. Devastating. That's devastating.

Well, Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. You know, we can say Merry Christmas now because Trump is president. We're allowed to go back. Oh yeah, thank God. Whatever happened to Kwanzaa? It's still a thing?

Have you heard of Kwanzaa? December 26, dude. Kwanzaa. Kwanzaa is, so they've got Hanukkah-like candles, right? You light, how many candles are there? Let me see the Kwanzaa. So there's one, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Yeah.

So it's eight in, eight for Hanukkah, right? Whoa, look at the black one in the middle. What does that mean? And look at those, the guys on the outside fighting them. Yeah. Keeping them down, keeping the man down. The seven candles in the Kinara symbolize the seven principles of Kwanzaa.

And what are the seven principles of Kwanzaa? I'd like to know. I can guess. Yes. Thou shall not do incest. No. No, that's, we want that. All right, hold on here.

Umoja, Umoja means unity in Swahili. So strive to maintain unity in the family, community, nation and race. Kujika, say that one, go ahead, Rudy. Kujichagulia. Kujichagulia. Kujichagulia. This principle first to naming, creating, and speaking for oneself, self-determination.

Ujama. Ujima. What do these sound Korean? Ujima. Nia. Nujima, Nia. Kumba. Kumba.

Umani. Umani, oh I met a girl named Umani in college. Was she black? Was she black? No. Oh, fuck. Yeah, of course she was. It's a miracle.

Yeah. Faith. Community, faith. This is all kind of the same thing. This is kind of nice. I think we should celebrate Kwanzaa this year. I have eggnog. See, I think that's what it is.

You need eggnog? No, no, no. I think that coming in with your Christmas vibes, McCone, has sort of rattled me. I love Christmas. Give him some eggnog. Give me some eggnog. Have you ever had eggnog?

Wait, seriously? They don't have that in the Philippines, huh? I haven't even built a gingerbread house. Well, you can take that home and build it. That was a gift from us to you. Thank you. And you can eat it when you're done. This is a David Tell joke.

You know what eggnog is? Elf cum. Yeah, I love that. Whoa. It's just milk? No. No, it's eggnog. It's eggnog, it's something different. It's yellow.

Ooh, thick. Yeah, there we go, thank you. Give some for Jules. Yeah, give some for Jules. You want some? No, thank you. A really good eggnog. You like it?

Really good. Give me the carton. Yeah, good. Give me the carton. Yeah, yeah. Give me the carton. You're gonna love it. You are gonna love it. Hold on, get out of the way while she drinks it. Do it again.

I like this. You do? It's really sweet. It's sweet. So you wanna know what's in it? Yeah. Milk, cream, sugar, eggnog base, which is sugar, egg yolks, and natural flavors, is sugar, egg, yolks, and natural flavors,

nutmeg, turmeric, citric acid, Cinnamon. Not milk, milk, solid. Cinnamon's gotta be there. Cinnamon, stabilizers, guar gum, carragean, which is, and then locust bean gum from locusts. You know, because locusts have big mouths. Big mouths. And they have big gums.

Look at that, there it is. Yeah. Locust bean gum. Those are their mouths. Those are their mouths. So you're eating a locust right now. It tastes. It tastes good. It tastes good.

Yeah, yeah. But it coats your mouth a little too thick for me. Yeah, there is a gummy. Like let me see your tongue. Show me your tongue. It's like a gummy vibe. Let me see your tongue. Yeah, coated.

It's like you can't, you don't wanna do this at Christmas dinner. So will you do me a favor? And McCone, why don't you come? It's so wavy. Delicious. You don't wanna do that Christmas dinner. No, not at Christmas dinner. So will you do me a favor? And Macon, why don't you come? He told Bobby. Delicious. You don't wanna do that Christmas dinner. No, not at the dinner.

Especially if there's gays there. Or anywhere. Because when the gays are there, they get fucking crazy. Where's Carlos? Carlos is in Texas, I think. Yeah, Merry Christmas. This is my gift to you guys.

Yeah, that's actually nice that he's gone. Do you miss him? Kinda. Yeah? He's in Texas. Uh-uh- Kinda. Yeah? He's in Texas. Uh uh uh uh. He's gone. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha.

So I rewatched a TV show last night and I think it's one of the greatest shows that no one's watched. What is it? It's called, it's called Kingdom. Oh, this is the MMA show? No. It's a Korean show on Netflix called Kingdom. Have you seen it?

Not yet. It's the greatest show. I've seen it twice now. There's two seasons. It's so fucking good and nobody watches it. Well, someone must. They're on a second or third season, right? Yeah, they did two seasons and then a movie based on Kingdom. It's so fucking good. And oh, God, I can't, no one like, I can't talk to anybody about it. What is it?

Does it have white people in it? No, it's all Koreans. Yeah. And it's also, oh my God. Does it, does it have white people in it? Yeah, yeah. Can I just tell you what it's about? Yeah, of course.

So it's ancient Korea. I'm already out. That's what I mean. Yeah, that's all right. Yeah, you're right. If there's anything ancient, it's gotta be China. We can only see ancient Chinese shit. So it's ancient Korea, right?

And it's like a Game of Thrones-y kind of a show where there's like, what's all going on? Game of Thrones. Right? Yeah, the guy's pitching us, like, imagine Game of Thrones. Yeah, but you're saying singular? What? No, Game of Thrones.

All of them. Too many thrones. For everyone. Every thrones. Everybody, you know what I mean? And they go, okay, and they're like, and then, but then you know, walking dead. Oh, walking dead.

But it's walk, walking dead. You know how they're like, eee, you know? You know how they're like, eee, you know, the zombie. The fried walking dead. The fried walking dead, yeah. You can put walks, sailor walks. Okay.

You put walk. Perfect. In the show, it's like product can sell your walks. Okay. You put walk. Perfect. In the show, we, it's like a product placement. Product placement. Okay. So what is your show about? Okay, so ancient Korea. Got it.

Right, Game of Thrones. Got it. Right, Walking Dead. Got it. Put it together. Oh. Yeah, we are kingdom. Oh.

Yeah. We'll buy it. Yeah. That does sound like that's how it got sold in the room, right walking dead Yeah, Game of Thrones in set in ancient Korea. Okay, so I'll get you. That's a good pitch. So I'll give you the premise. Yeah There's a king All right. He's an emperor Okay, let me guess is it set during the the Joseon Dynasty. Yes

The Joseon dynasty? Yes. How'd you know? How'd you know? How'd you know? Pretty good guess, I guess. All right. And so he remarried and he had, the queen is a concubine, one of his concubines.

Oh, this must've been taking place during the Injeon War. Is that true or no? How do you know that? I know a little bit of Korean history. No, no, seriously, you saw the show? In the 17th century. No, I know a little bit of Korean history Keep going please talk to me. I want it, but I'm just I know some of those things

Okay, anyway, um does it follow based on is it based on real people like Lee Chang is yeah Yeah, yeah follows Lee Chang. Shut the fuck up dude. Shut the fuck up, dude. What? Shut the fuck up. Did you see it? Okay? Anyway, I know Lee Chang is the crown prince What do you mean I know some ancient oh no No, I'm not Alright anyway, stop reading it. Alright, let me pitch it to you. Okay. Listen Jules. Okay All right. So, um, so this this concubine she's young right and she's pregnant Right and he's old super old emperor, right?

But he already he already had a son. He's a good guy. His son is a good guy Yeah, so when the king dies right the Emperor dies his son is gonna become emperor But the concubine is like I'm pregnant. Oh and I have the next right and and if my baby gets born, right? Right. I love this right and then the emperor's dying, he's so old. So there's a herb out in the mountains, right? And it's, there's like worms attached to this herb. And so when you eat the herb, the worms turn into these fucking worms

and they attack your brain, you turn into a zombie. Whoa. Right, so she's like trying to prolong the king's life because he's dying. So she feeds him this flower. So that he stays alive until she gives birth. Because if he dies, then he's automatically emperor of this other son.

Whoa. What? This is wild. No, why are you making that? I feel like you don't like it. I love it. Yeah, yeah, right? I thought it was gonna go a different way. But I like it a lot. No, no, no, no, no, right. So the emperor's oldest son is like going,

like he knows that his dad's sick. He's already dead, but he's a zombie. And they're locked up. He's locked up in his like fortress. But he's technically still alive. He's technically still alive, but the bitch, concubine, isn't really even pregnant. She puts a thing in there to pretend, right?

And she's on the side gathering women all over that are pregnant and seeing if they're males. She's trying to find- To steal the baby. To steal a baby, right? And then what happens is the emperor, he's in the fortress and there's a little servant who feeds him like human flesh. Mm-hmm.

Right? But the boy gets bitten. And he turns into a zombie. Yeah, but he dies. And some people don't turn into zombies, he just died. Yeah. But what happens is the doctor brings him to a different town to just do an autopsy. But that town is so hungry that one of the villagers chops him, the boys carcass up and feeds it to the villagers. I can see why people

didn't watch this. And then the villagers, oh dude, I know, okay can I just say this? It's too much. No, no, okay, there's this, after the first, anyone who will listen, the first episode, the very end scene, watch it, it is incredible. I'll say this. Okay. It sounds good. It went a little too wonky donkey. Here's what it should have been. She's pregnant.

She's actually- The show's a hit? What are you talking about? If they did two seasons, you can't rewrite it? I'm rewriting it. Okay, all right. It wasn't a hit. You just said it lasted two and then they killed it

and no one watched it. You started this off by saying, nobody watched this fucking show. So clearly it wasn't a hit. It wasn't a hit. You just said it lasted two and then they killed it and no one watched it. You started this off by saying, nobody watched this fucking show. So clearly it wasn't a hit. It wasn't a hit. Here's how it would have been great. Take it out of the fantasy world of zombies. Just make it so that she's pregnant

and there is a team of people who are trying to kill her so this baby doesn't get born so that this other next to kin gets the kingdom. So it's a war of trying to kill this woman to get this baby out of her, so she's not carrying the next king. No. I love that.

Better than eating a worm in the brain and they keep him in the zombie and it bites the boy. No, but these villagers that eat. I don't like zombies, that's my, you know I don't. Oh, you don't like zombies? Can I ask you about zombies? Zombies doesn't do it for me. I have a thought about zombies.

You like zombies? I like zombies. Okay, if you watch any? Zombies doesn't do it for me. I have a thought about zombies. You like zombies? I like zombies. Okay. Yeah. If you watch any, have we talked about zombies before on the show? Probably. We love zombies.

We like zombies. Have you thought, well come listen, okay? You're a director. So rude to do that with Andres right now. I know, I know, I know. You know? So when you see, like walking dead or anything, you don't like talking about this?

No, no, I wanna hear it. You did a sigh. I'm just fat right now. You look great. No, brother, I led the mirror this morning, 205, 206, I think it was yesterday. Fatty, fatty, patty, waddy. Fatty, patty, wagon.

I was just eating bullshit. When I watch The Walking Dead, what? When you see average zombies. You mean looks-wise? They're essentially average people who turn into average zombies, right? So they're all wearing like, you know, a workman's jacket, right? Just regular people. Regular people.

LA5. Right? LA5. But you never see Dwarf Zombie. Oh yeah. You never see that. No Brad, no Brad will. You never see Spinal Biff of the zombie.

You know what I mean? Right. You never see 600 pounds zombie just in a bed. Why not? And he's eating deep fried brains or whatever. You know, mmm. You never see that. You never see that. You never see Spinal Biff of the zombie. You know what I mean? Right. Right? You never see 600 pounds on him just in a bed.

Why not? And he's eating deep fried brains or whatever. You know what I mean? Why? But, but, but, right? Why is that? I don't know why! You, you gotta mix it up.

Right? It's always like. Well have you seen The Last of Us? There's different kinds of zombies. But those are mushroom zombies. What, no, what I'm talking, is that what you're saying? Yeah. No, what I'm saying is, yeah, I mean, people turning those are mushroom zombies. What no what I'm talking is that what you're saying? Yeah. No what I'm saying is yeah I mean people turning into a mushroom zombie I'm not talking but what happened to their you know I mean if they're if they're OCD or whatever you gotta

put that into it. Like why isn't there. Like a zombie like walking over a crack 15 times. You know what I mean? Like he loses the OCD when he becomes a zombie. You know what I mean? Like he loses the OCD when he becomes a zombie. What, you know what I mean? Or the racism. Right. You know what I mean? Right?

Racist zombies. Yeah, just the zombies are just going for the black guy. Right? Right. Like they were like fucking KKK. They turned zombie. You never, what, who they were, the essence of who they were are gone?

You don't, there's no autistic zombies? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Just a bunch of zombies by a train track, just eating people by train tracks all day? Immobile zombies? Right, it's always the same. There are fat zombies in touch of the dead. Oh, fat zombies.

But that's the first time, the walking dead, no man's land, fat walkers are particularly dangerous and they can tank more damage than normal walkers. So yeah, I guess there is. Yeah. There's a few, but we don't see, what you're saying is there needs to be more DEI in the zombie world.

Yeah, like MMA zombie. Right. Putting in an arm lock, but you know what I mean? Just like their old self. More, more of that. But I wanna see dwarves. LP zombies. Yeah. LPZs.

Yeah, and you just kick them. And they land on their back. They have just little legs they can't get back up. They're just going eee. You know, I always do ever think about stuff like that. Oh, every day of my life. Like vampires. Where are they?

Where's the 600 pound vampire that drinks too much blood? Yeah. He drinks way too much and his buddies are going, dude, it's too much. Yeah, your blood sugar level. You just killed a giraffe. Your blood sugar sugar levels. Right.

Are through the roof. That's what I'm saying. Like a vampire with diabetes. Yeah, they never have that. No, they should. Yeah. I don't know why. Well, one would assume it's cause they're dead.

They don't have to fucking adhere to any rules. So they're going to stay the same shape and size. Like, Do you imagine when you die, will this be the body that you embody in the afterlife, or do you think you get a new body? Draft King Sportsbook, it's the most wonderful time of the year for getting in on all the hoops, football and hockey action at Draft King Sportsbook. Right now it's the season of of giving and we're being gifted college football and basketball pro football and basketball baby and pro hockey too almost 24 seven and here's a gift for all new customers bet $5 and get $150 and bonus bets if your bet wins look if you're looking to bet on sports this holiday season DraftKings Sportsbook is the place to do

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So I was watching 600 Pound Life the other day. Love. It was one of my favorite shows. Right. And a lot of them, they just die fat, which other day. Love. It was one of my favorite shows, right? And a lot of them, they just die fat, which is bad. Right. I feel bad.

Awful. Awful. But when they get to heaven, are they 600 pounds up there? Right, do they get a new shell? Or do they just fall immediately through the sky? They die and they're like, yeah! And they fall, right? Because you're up there.

Too heavy for the clouds. Too heavy for the clouds. Too heavy for the clouds, dude. Yeah, I get it. Or like he's trying to get through the pearly gates and he can't get in. Dude, so funny. Too fat for the pearly gates. Too fat for the pearly gates.

Imagine. You never think that. And what's his name, St. Peter? Who's at the gate? Yeah, St. Peter. Imagine St. Peter is like, buddy. Buddy, yeah. Go back down.

Walk a couple laps around the clouds and come on back. You're never gonna make it up. Yeah, never gonna make it. My buddy Zach's got a great joke. I'm gonna tell his joke about hell. Have I told you this joke? I told you in the car in Australia. Yeah, tell me about it.

And the guy says, this guy goes to hell, right? And he gets down there and it's okay, it's not that bad. And then Hitler, the devil comes up to him and goes, hey, how you liking it? He's like, honestly, that's, I mean, it's okay. He goes, all right, right on. He's like, you like pizza? He's like, yeah, I love pizza. He's like, oh, dude, you are gonna love Mondays.

Mondays, we have a brick oven pizza right back there. We use the flames and we all get pizza. We eat all night and drink beer. It's awesome. Yeah. He's like, you like tacos? Yeah. He says, yeah, I love tacos. Dude, you're gonna love Tuesday.

On Tuesday, we all have tacos. We gather around together. We drink beer and eat tacos. It's incredible. Yeah. All right. And he says. You like Wednesday?

No. No. I don't know how he goes. He says, please, I like it better that way. He says, please I like it better that way. He says, do you like anal sex with men? Yeah. And he goes, no. He goes, you're going to hate Wednesday.

Did you guys put up Christmas lights when you were a kid on your house? Bro, what are you talking about? I just asked you a legitimate question. One morning my dad goes, wakes me up, says, Merry Christmas. I go, okay, and he goes, he gave me 200 bucks. Right? That was Christmas? It gets worse.

It was July. Is that Korean Christmas in July? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, they don't know anything about- So you never did any decorating? My parents knew nothing about any holiday. You didn't get a tree ever? You, no, I mean, we had a tree.

Right. When I was eight and I kid you not, this is not even a joke. That tree stayed in my house for seven years. No. Yeah, the pines had fallen off and my mom would put squid on it, the branches to dry the squid.

Well, it is a nice way to dry out the squid and it gets a nice little favor. I swear to God, that's not even a joke. What is Christmas in Korea? What is it like? Let's see what it's like down there for Koreans. Yeah, tell me. They do, it's considered a national holiday in Korea.

Most employees have a day off from work. But where, can you look this up later? I mean, whatever, when that was a thing. I don't think it was like that when my parents grew up. Well, right. I think my parents, because when they came to America in their 60s six in this 1960s They knew nothing about it. So here you go. What did it become a concept of Christmas was introduced? Oh, right

It was before it was yeah, really it was the late 1700s in 1800s when my parents didn't care Don keep sinu moon Introduced as Christmas as important holiday described the Christian events in detail. So in the late 1700s, well, your parents were way before that. Your mom was born in like 1504? No, no, no. That boggles my mind because my parents pretended like they didn't know, like, well, you don't know.

Yeah, but check this out. This has got to be socioeconomic too, right? Like I'm sure your parents didn't grow up with anything. They couldn't afford Christmas. They were struggling to survive. Yeah, I don't- This has got to be privileged people in Korea that had money't afford Christmas. They were struggling to survive. This has got to be privileged people in Korea that had money, could celebrate Christmas. Not your fucking parents.

Their families didn't come from a lot of money. Well don't say it like that. That's a good thing. No, my parents, my mom says we were royal. No they weren't. Yeah, the royal bloodline. No chance. My dad's side was ghetto.

My mom's side was royal. My grandfather, remember I told you about the hill that my mom used to walk down? Yeah. That was like one house on a mountain. How did you guys fall so far? What do you mean? Well, you were royals and now you're-

No, but she married my ghetto dad. Trash. Yeah, yeah. So she married down. Sounds like a Hallmark movie. Yeah. Titanic. Yeah. she married down. Sounds like a Hallmark movie. Yeah. Titanic. Yeah.

She married down. Titanic. Yeah, she married down, dude. That sucks. She married down for love. Yeah. Turns out it wasn't worth it. You got two shitty kids and-

Yeah, I think it wasn't worth it. No. Yeah. But once it happens, what are you gonna do? Stay in love. Yeah. You just gotta stay in love until one of them dies. That's really, you just gotta slug it out

until somebody dies. Yeah. That's what love really is. But at least they didn't get like, I saw TikTok and you know, that kid, well, we talked about it already, but like a kid that has like autism, like severe autism, violent.

Yeah, like fights his parents. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like, at least they didn't have that. No, they had drug addict children. That's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like, at least they didn't have that. No, they had drug addict children. That's true. Yeah, that's much easier to handle. You think so? Well, I think because it's through compassion

that they understand that you're probably using drugs because you have an addictive bloodline. They didn't know about it. They don't know about it. No, but you can empathize. There's something in your mind. Your mom has a very she does empathetic way Yeah, do you know what I mean? You wear your socks over your sweatpants like that?

Your ankles were that cold yeah Did you celebrate Christmas in the Philippines yeah, even like all the poor people they still celebrate Christmas, right? But when they got nothing what happens it was just another day to celebrate Christmas. Right. But when they got nothing, what happens? It was just another day. It's fine. Really?

Because remember when we went to the Philippines, we were in that one field, not a field, but it was like a goat tied to a stick. And then we brought spaghetti. Yeah. You feed spaghetti to the goat? No, no. No, we took hundreds of spaghetti, boxes of spaghetti,

to feed the hungry. And then they ran out of these huts. Can I call them huts? I think so. They're made of huts. I know, but it seems like just I'm being mean. What are they made out of? Sticks.

Sticks and mud? Sticks, stones, yeah. That's a hut. That's a hut, thank you, thank you. That's undeniably a hut. Yeah, so we bring a van. We open up the van and there's these boxes of spaghetti that we all, you know.

Yeah. And then out comes kids completely naked. You know what I mean? Spaghetti. Yeah, yeah. And they took the spaghetti and in my mind I'm like, what do they get for Christmas? Spaghetti.

No, really? I mean. And that poor goat. What if they were gonna eat it, right? You just. No, I don't know if they were, were they eating it? What did they do? No, some Filipinos, they just take care of it.

I was like, they're pets. So why poor goat? He's getting taken care of. He didn't look healthy. Oh, right. Yeah. Yeah. It was like.

You think I'm making fun of? Why'd you roll your eyes? What's going on here? Now do you? Oh, that's a ghost, dude. There's a ghost here. He back. Oh, that just fell.

Yeah, what are you doing, McCone? Good job, Cone. Guess, you know. Yeah, good job, Cone. We had the B team today. You golfed today? No, I can't, because of my back. Oh, well, why are you tired then? I think last night I just couldn't rugby team today. You golf today? No, I can't cause of my back. Oh, well, why are you tired then?

I think last night I just couldn't go to bed. I had one of those nights where my brain was moving and I was going through my, just going through my fucking set in my mind about what I want to finalize for the hour. And then I couldn't go to bed. And then I went downstairs and then I ate a midnight snack. And that's going to keep you up for another fucking hour.

What was the snack? Oh, I had such a good little fucking snack. What was it? Little Hawaiian rolls, you know, little puffy Hawaiian rolls. I love those things, yeah. With leftover beef tenderloin that we had, and I warmed it up so the American cheese melted all over that fucking thing.

Oh my Lord, have mercy on me. I had a little bit of onions and peppers left over. Wow. Ooh, buddy. So I had two of those, and then I was up. Once you eat that midnight snack shit, you're up. You're not going back to bed. We gotta let it digest first.

Well that's why I stayed up for a little while. Yeah. You know when people wake, do you wake up in the middle of the night to pee? Oh yeah. Do you wake up in the middle of the night to poop too? No. I've started to do that.

Yeah. I'll wake up to poop sometimes. Sometimes I have to hold my pee, you know why? Why? Because if I open the door, the cats, all three cats are just waiting there. Waiting for you to wake up? They're 24 seven.

If I close the door, they're just waiting there like this. And I hold my pee, I go, I don't wanna deal with them. What are they gonna do, just walk around? No, they try to get in. But what do they do? Sometimes I'll open it and one will scurry it and then go underneath the bed. And then now I have to like,

go underneath the bed and grab them. I have to like go underneath the bed and grab them. What do they do if you're in the room when you're sleeping? You don't even know they're there. They just kind of walk around. No, because you know what I'm saying? Cats are nocturnal animals. Yeah, they're up.

So at four in the morning, Goony thinks he's the Flash. He's jumping around. Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew. Yeah, you know what I mean? And so I can't have him in the room. You're like, ah, ah, ah, ah. You just hear crazy shit. you know what I mean? You'll stay awake.

Yeah, there's no way. So I have to barricade, you know, I barricade it. Wow. With objects and all kinds, it's a whole system. So if I open it, then I gotta put the fucking barricades back up. Yeah. And I've already peed, right?

So now I'm already awake, I'm doing physical activity. You know what I mean? So it's like, I sometimes just hold it. What's going on with your forehead? Nothing. Oh, is that it? You have a little- Oh! Yeah, she's breaking out a little bit.

A little bit, huh? Cuspa dandruff. What? Cuspa dandruff? Cuspa is dandruff. Yes. What do you mean, cuspa? Cuspa is the word for dandruff. In what language?

In Spanish. Really? Cuspa is dandruff? Cuspa. Is that the? In Spanish. Really? Caspa is dandruff? Caspa. Is that the same thing in the Philippines? Wow. Dandruff, how would you know that? Were you called Caspa boy when you were a kid? Little Caspa.

Caspa. That's Fancy B's new name. Wait, what does Caspa mean again? Dandruff, flakes. You have dandruff on your forehead. That's why Casper was named Casper. That right here. It's pimples here. That's a pim forehead. That's why Casper was named Casper. That right here. It's pimples here. That's a pimple. That's what I meant. And I have. I thought you said you have dandruff on your forehead.

You have dandruff on your, without the hair. That's incredible. Why do you have dandruff? Why do you have dandruff? I don't know. Your scalp is dry. I wash my hair every day. That's exactly why. That's why why. You're not supposed to wash it every day. No, but if I don't wash it every day and it gets oily and it gets like heavy. Yeah, but there's tricks to it. Doesn't your aunt have a fucking hair care line? Jesus Christ.

Use that hair care line. Pay attention. I do. No, but honestly, don't wash your hair every day. It's not good for it. It actually gets it more oily. If you wash it too much, it's good for it. It actually gets it more oily. You know, if you wash it too much, it's bad for it. Okay, yeah.

Did you see the final of Great British Bake Off? I haven't watched the last episode, but in my mind, I know who won. Tell me. The young good looking kid, I can't remember his name. But don't say anything. Can I? No!

Please. I'm gonna watch it. I'm gonna tell you. No, because some of our fans haven't seen it yet, so don't do that. Okay. Yeah, you can't spoil it for them. But by the way, the Great British Baking Show. But it made me cry.

Top tier television. Okay, let's- Top tier television. It's not just top tier, there's a wholesomeness about it. Beautiful. And a warmth about it that like, none of that's in my own life. Or in American culture. That's only happened in the British competition shows.

It doesn't happen in the American competition shows. Do you know why? I have the secret. I wanna know. Money? There's no prize money in the British shows, zero. It's all for pride. All the fucking American shows are based on,

Top Chef, you can win $100,000. Yeah, it's Star Trek shit. Exactly. That's exactly right. In Star Trek, there's no money. No money. Yeah, yeah, in that world. So the goal is pride.

It's a pride. It's, it is. Yeah, being bonding with other human beings. Community. Community. And they don't have the American show. Yeah, you're right, exactly. It's all like, it can be the money.

Yeah, yeah. I wanna be Ruben Steader. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like when Paul Hollywood, when Paul Hollywood gives you a handshake,

I literally tear up. That's more than money. That's the point. That's more than much. That's more than money. That's more than much. But I'm saying, you can't- I don't know what that means, but-

That's more than much. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't replay, there's Paul Hollywood right now. Right there. Sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy, Fox. You watch the show? It's the best show on television. He, so what happens is, it's a baking show. And when he tastes something, There's Paul Hollywood right now. Right there. Sexy sexy. You watch his show? Fox. No.

It's the best show on television. So what happens is it's a baking show. And when he tastes something, it's usually something that he can't make because he's one of the best bread bakers in the world. In the world. In the world, right? So sometimes, you know, they're amateur bakers

and sometimes he'll eat it and he'll chew it. You can tell what's going on in his mind. He's like, holy shit, that was good, right? Right. And every once in a while he'll go, handshake. And when the contestant gets a handshake, they start crying because they know that he doesn't give those out often. And they know that it's excellence, pure excellence.

It's such a great show. And Prue is fun to look at too. I love Prue. Prue. The comedy. Yeah. It's okay. I don't know. They've tried to hire, well, they used to have a couple It's not. Yeah. It's okay. I don't know.

They've tried to hire, well they used to have a couple of comedians come and go on the show. Yeah. Why do they even need to do it? Sketches and stuff. I think because it kills time. I think it's a filler. Yeah. That's Prue right there.

We love Prue. Prue's great. Look at the lettuce on her. Zoom in, by the way. Yeah. She's got the thickest head of hair. I know. It's beautiful. What flavor does she not like?

That's, wait, hold on. This is funny. Yeah. There's something that she doesn't like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well. It's an ingredient.

Paul Hollywood's the same way. He doesn't like, cause he said it to the young guy too, in the middle of the season. Let me guess. Matcha? No, matcha he doesn't like. That's what they call it.

He doesn't like matcha. Matcha, yeah, they don't like matcha. Matcha, he doesn't like it, matcha. But she doesn't like, I'll tell you. Hold on, hold on, give me a hint. Okay. Give me one little hint. It's something that we eat in our sandwiches. We make sandwiches out of it.

Make our sandwiches out of it? It's like a filling for a sandwich. Oh, an ingredient. Yeah, yeah. Peanut butter. Yes. Yeah, she hates peanut butter. She doesn't like peanut butter.

I remember this. By the way, How do you not like peanut butter? How do you not like it? It's the greatest adventure ever. You like peanut butter? It's so good. What do they have?

What are you, chunky or creamy? Brother. Well, let me guess. Just like my cum. Chunky, chunky, chunky. Chunky, chunky. Chunky, chunky, chunky. Just like I like my pussy.

You're chunky, chunky, chunky. I like my peanut butter like I like my pussy. Chunky, chunky, chunky. Just like I like my pussy. You're chunky, chunky, chunky. I like my peanut butter like I like my pussy. Chunky, chunky, chunky. I love chunky. I want a crunch on it. I want to feel the bite. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is the thing because when we were kids.

What is that, discharge? You know when you crumble chips inside of your peanut butter and jelly sandwich because you need the crunch? When you have potato chips and the chunky peanut butter. Oh my, wait, wait, you do peanut butter? Wait, wait, what, stop, stop. Crumble have potato chips and the chunky peanut butter. Oh my, wait, you do peanut butter? Wait, wait, what, stop, stop. Crumble up potato chips and put them inside the peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

You gotta be kidding me. Like, glaze? No, you've never done- Ruffles. You gotta show me. Ruffles? Oh, bro. Oh my God. Oh my God. I gotta try it. It's one of my favorite things on Earth. Are you sure? Are you tricking me?

You will love it. You guys have never done this? You never crumbled up chips on the inside of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? My God, it's fucking phenomenal. There are have never done this? You never crumbled up chips on the inside of a peanut butter jelly sandwich? My God, it's fucking phenomenal. There are potato chips in there. Look at that, there you go. Yeah, you crumbled up.

So those are kettle cooked. This might be, kettle cooked might be a little bit too much. You need something that's a little bit easier to break. Cause kettles kind of cut the roof of your mouth if you catch them at a wrong angle. So what, is it the saltiness of it? Yeah. It's the crunch.

Just put salt in it then. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. And also flavor, you gotta pick a good flavor you like. Oh my the crunch. Just put salt in it then. No, no, no, no, no, no. Okay. And also flavor, you gotta pick a good flavor you like. Oh my God, I've never even seen that before. As we must, as we must. It's white people shit, it's shit that you guys hide. We've been hiding it for a year.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why do you hide shit like that? Well, let me tell you something. I was going to the meeting last week and I said, can we share this with the others? And all of the whites were like, we'd rather you not. Oh, the white? But I said, you know.

How many people are at the white meeting? Well, what's our local? Our local 416 is what? I don't know, there's like 100 people there or something like that. Yeah, one 120. One hundred, 120, depending on- And then what, so let me,

oh, okay, I want, because I've always wanted to know about white meetings. Yeah. Right, so- But can I tell you real fast before you ask? Okay. I said, I want to share some of this with my Asian best friend, Livit.

They kicked me out of this sanction. Oh, you're invited? Really? He's a co-chair. Out of all the people in our area, he's the co-chair? Well, he's a co-chair of this- Steve Carell lives around here. Well, he-

Does Carell go? He is in the Illuminati chair. Oh, there's different- Yeah. Oh, I see. He's not there. Uh-uh. Yeah.

Well, he beams in. He beams in. Oh, you have, okay. Yeah, we see him. Wait, what do you got? But ask, I see. He's not there. Uh-uh. Yeah. Well, he beams in. He beams in. Oh, you have, okay. Yeah, we see him. Wait, what do you got to, but ask, go ahead. Cause you've already- Oh, may I? Yeah. May I? So, would I, I have so many questions.

I mean, I'll answer one right now. Yeah, snow was originally black. We made it white. That was my first question. Oh my God. Snow was originally- Wow, I did not know that. Wow.

Yeah. Yeah, are there any black angels? Oh my God. Snow was originally- Wow, I did not know that. Wow. Yeah. Are there any black angels? McCone knows the answer. Yeah, do you know the answer? Tell him about the- he asked, are there black angels? And go ahead. Yeah, yeah, because you guys have all the dead sea scrolls or whatever you have.

Correct. Right, yeah. Tell him. Correct. Are there black angels? I don't think I'm allowed to tell them. You nervous about this question? All right, well, we could bypass the question. Would you like to come to one of these meetings?

We are looking for staff. I mean, I'll be honored, but you know, I'm not. Well, you'd be working the meeting. You'd be working. So you have non-whites working in the meeting? Well, yeah, we're not gonna do that shit. That's disgusting. We're not going to.

Oh, but would I be able to eventually move my way up the channel and be white? There's room to shift. What do you mean? Well, it's mostly lateral. Oh, it's this way? Yeah. Yeah, I don't want that. I would rather not.

You'd be lucky to be there. I understand that. I mean, I've always wanted to see a white meeting, right? I mean, if I'm doing the janitorial stuff, like sweeping and all that stuff. You'd be lucky to be there. I understand that. I mean, I've always wanted to see a white meeting, right? I mean, if I'm doing the janitorial stuff, like sweeping and all that stuff. You would be. Would I be able to peek in and watch what's going on or no? Perhaps.

I need a guarantee here, babe. Well, my dear, you pass one of the tests and you can. The baby blood? That's not, you don't get those tests. Oh, what does the minorities get? Tell them. Yeah, tell us, McCown. Give them one does the minorities get? Tell them. Yeah, tell us, McCona. Give them one of the minorities.

Yeah, yeah. You remember them. You just got, you had your exam a week ago. You know, you're enacting some of it. What is it? What is the, what does, what is minorities first task here? One of the minorities first tasks is. Can you talk into the mic, please?

The handling the catering for everything is one. You know. Just... I mean, we call that anti-comedy. Anti-anti. Yeah, yeah. You know, and you know we edit the show, you could say anything. This could have been so fun. You could say anything.

Yeah, that was the most anti comedy Like I know you know, it's funny. I'm just basically explaining Scientology. That's all I know. So what is it? No, this bit does scare you funny Okay, I mean. No this bit does scare you. Funny. For some reason it doesn't. This bit will be taken out of context and they'll be like they really are in a cult. You literally never said anything bad.

It's obviously a joke. No no but it's funny how they do how someone on the internet will be like were they really joking? Were they really joking about this white meeting? Yeah yeah. And you know what? You'll never know. You'll never know.

Yeah. That's insane. We don't have one. I'll tell you this. I mean, the bit was going so good. Yeah, McCone squished it. I know, you guys. Yeah, it was going so good.

But here's the thing. I'm in a Christmas mood, I'm not in a cult mood. All right, we'll get to Christmas is a cult. Shopify. Man, we've been using Shopify for a long time. And those of you out there that support this show and get merch from us, they get the moitch from us, we love Shopify because it fully integrates and helps sellers like us get the

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First of all, Christmas is a cult. This is the most cult. We decorate, we change the way we look and feel. You're worshiping a sun god. Yeah, we're worshiping a sun god, my dude. How is this, how is Christmas not a cult? Every holiday is culty. You get together, you chant.

By the way, what do we do at Christmas? What do the whites do? We sing songs together. Have you caroled? Culty. Absolutely not, man. I've she-led, but I've never caroled. Oh, yeah, yeah. I'll be right back.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. No, I've never caroled because I can't sing. I'm not a singer. No, you're a very good singer, dude. Cut it out. Oh my God, dude, on the road? Cut it out, will ya?

Dude, you're great. Honestly, stop it. Do do do do do. Do that. Do do do do. No, you know what though? My dad does make us sing like a real, yeah, JV makes us sing.

Like a real white family, we sing together. I love that man. There's a funny clip, man, I wish I could show you. He loves you, dude, he loves you. He was like, how was Thanksgiving? I said, great. He goes, did Bobby come by? I said, nah, he was going to Michael Bay's house.

At the time you were. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You didn't know I'm going. No, so- You know he missed Michael Bay's house. At the time you were. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You didn't end up going. No, so- You know he missed Michael Bay's Thanksgiving? They blow up the turkey. Yeah. They do.

Yeah, it's incredible. It's incredible. Yeah. But uses film still. Yeah. It really does. I went to Palm Springs. Yeah, you went a little journey.

I took a date on Palm Springs. And can I tell you when you said that, the jealousy in my soul, because I haven't been in a while, and Palm Springs in the winter? Yeah. My favorite. It's beautiful.

We were at Mastro's. Oh, out in the- Palm Springs. Oh yeah. It was packed. Really? I could not believe how packed it was. I mean, it's beautiful out there.

They do all the lights and the decorating. I mean, it's beautiful out there. They do all the lights and the decorating. I mean, you're talking about, I had to wait an hour and I had reservations. It was like, we're sorry. Wait a minute. Yeah. Did you do the, what? It's me?

Mm-hmm. You did the, it's me, it's Bobby. And they still let you? They did. Okay. I was just for comedy. Yeah, I get it. Yeah. You know they let him in.

Yeah. But you went out there on a little journey. Yeah, and then I drove back. I should've maybe gotten him, I don't know. But anyway. I would've wished you came over to the. Because I was talking with my friend Igo. The last Christmas I was in Chicago.

I mean, the last Thanksgiving. Yeah, my house. Was that your house? Yeah. What a great fucking. We had so much fun. I'll always remember that. Everybody, my mom and dad just, I mean,

everyone loves you, but. What'd you do for Thanksgiving? We just had a small dinner with the family. Yeah. The family, but not including us. So not the family. Well, I was a part of the family at one point. You've been removed.

You're always invited. You're the one that doesn't wanna go. That's not true. That's not true. And you know what, honestly, you're projecting. You don't want him to go. So you say, to Auntie Kailila, you say, what if we don't invite Tito Bobby this year? No.

That's what I heard. Okay, okay. All right. Let me give you an example. Okay, go. Okay. If Darth Vader and the Emperor, right? And Boba Fett, you know, all had a, right?

No, that's not the right. No, I know I got it right here. Okay. Let's say I'm Luke Skywalker, I know I got it right here. Okay, let's say I'm Luke Skywalker. I'm gonna do a Star Wars one, right? And I was gonna go tattooing to go to Thanksgiving, right? But you guys invited Darth Vader. Would Luke Skywalker want to go to Thanksgiving?

Why would you invite Darth Vader? He's just there. And what's he doing there? It's his dad, he's making up. Yeah, yeah. Oh, interesting. That's a bad example Like any of that given that detail yeah Yeah, I mean you understand why?

That's a I don't like that phrase what does that mean yeah, what does that think no one invited me by the way? Yeah, so I assume that I'm invited well. Did you want to go yeah? So no one invited me. Not to call I invited you. No, she didn't. Yeah, so, you know. I want you to live with it. You have to assume.

Like, I think I'm gonna show up because I assume I'm invited, because I'm always invited. Right, but that's not the case. That's not the case. Because Bobby doesn't wanna, he doesn't wanna go. Be intrusive.

Right, he doesn't wanna be where he's not welcome. Yeah, yeah. He feels unwelcome. I guess. But no one, everyone like talks, they don't talk bad about you. They're always like, oh. That sounds like they do.

That sounds like they do. No, I'm talking to you. That's like the worst thing you could ever say. It's like the worst thing you could say. Oh my God. Hey, ask me. Really that, what? Watch this. Ask me right now, go, did they talk about me over there?

Go ahead. Hey, did they talk to me about me over there? No, no, no, no. Nobody does. What? Right, you don't believe does what right? You don't believe it. I don't believe that you know right away exactly No, I'm look at me. Did they talk bad about Bobby at the party? Don't close your eyes do with your eyes open. They don't Pretty good. That's pretty good. Yeah, I believe it. Actually. They don't yeah I had to take it so you and your new food and your new, my old family is having a Thanksgiving. Yeah.

That's great. Who all showed up? Mom, Meredith? Yeah. Everyone showed up? Good. Roger? Yeah.

Yeah, everyone showed up. I remember I used to go every year. You remember that? Yeah. Yeah. You do, you do, huh? Yeah. You don't really think about that, do you?

Be honest with me. Yeah, yeah. While you were driving back from Palm Springs, did you think about maybe popping in there and surprising? No, I don't even know where it is. That's even more hurtful. Yeah, it's very hurtful. You don't know where's the address.

I don't know whose house it's at because if you don't get invited, then you have no idea where the fucking location is. Right. It could be a number of places. That is true because we had Thanksgiving, but we didn't do it at my house. We did it at Bucatabeppo.

So you never know. You never know where it's gonna happen. But when I was driving back from Pound Street, I was thinking to myself Wow, I should just drive off this freeway because I'm so lonely. I'm so lonely. I wanted you at my house I am so lonely and so alone. I have nobody I literally have nobody I know you have you but it's like, you know I don't want to rely on you know, but so it's like I want you to why no I I know I want But it's like, you know, I don't want to rely on you know, so it's like I want you to want I know I I know I want you to want me I know but I um, it was so miserable I actually held out I feel so alone. We kept it. Oh my god. We kept a chair for you at the dinner table Do you know this?

We kept a chair at the table in the hopes that you would show up because I even said oh my god I said I have nobody you have me. I'm alone. I'm truly alone. No, you're not. I really am Why do you say that because I am but I wake up and I go oh no one's fucking here. Okay, okay first of all Yeah, first of all, let's be real though Yeah Not someone being in your home is different than you having a wealth of people that are deeply in love with you on many levels I Don't know man. I can tell you that's a fact

I mean last night I was like sitting there with Ian Bagg just talking. I love Ian Bagg. I do too. It's like one of the funniest dudes in comedy. Yeah, and I was like, he's like, are you okay? I go, I'm so alone. Where were you at, store?

Improv. Well, that'll make you feel lonely, that place. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. No, no, I get it. But by the way, comedy clubs are the worst place for our egos. Why?

Because it's a test. It's a test. It's a test of your skill and your self-assurance and your self-awareness and all that shit. Stand-up clubs are hard on your ego, whether we know it or not. What do you mean hard on our egos? Because you're constantly in,

you should know of all people, you are constantly in conflict with yourself over being good enough and funny enough. And yeah, it's also, um, that's a hard place to do to be honest. Keeps you honest. Yeah. Well, it keeps you, it also keeps you very introspective. Yeah. Cause you know how you and I did this show Friday night, it was packed in the main room, slammed, but you weren't on the lineup last night in the main room. I didn't go. It was just me. Yeah. It was dead. Really? Yeah. It was so me. It was dead. Really?

Yeah, it was so straight. Saturday night? They had to put both curtains up. No. Yeah. So I was back there and I'm like, you know, the only kind of name, except for Yamanika was in town. So she did it. Oh wow. But I was just like, oh, I can't, I'm, I'm, I don't draw anymore.

That's not true. I know it's not, but in my mind, I'm like, and people were like, dude, it's the holiday. It's the holiday weekend. I know, but it's like, and then when you're already in a state of depression, it just kind of piles on you, you start thinking negatively.

It spirals. It spirals, so I'm like been spiraling. Well, I thought this morning in the shower, cause we talked last week, you asked me about my depression and I want to give you some credit. You guys listened and I got out when I needed to get out and it made me feel really good. But I want you to be honest then.

Go ahead. About your depression, where you go when you get low. Cause I didn't ask you back. You kind of let me just mouth vomit. That's fine. What do you mean, where do I go? Well, you asked me. Inside myself? You said, where do I go when I get really depressed?

And I told you where I think I disappear to. Where do you go? Inside myself? You said, where do I go when I get really depressed? And I told you where I think I disappear to. Where do you go? I told you last week. I think I get in a place of isolation. I don't wanna talk to people. I need to be left alone and I need to either exercise or go away. Like when you drive back from Palm Springs

and you were sad, where are you? I start fantasizing about like, where I could, like ending it all. Not my life. Like where you- But I would end this whole pursuit of comedy and this dream. Right. And then I would like sell all my assets.

Retire, so to speak. Retire, grab all my, and go to the, like a town that no one knows me. Where is this? What does it look like? I've always thought about like taking, like having like a bunch of like in a fishbowl, a bunch of like trailer parks. What?

Like trailer parks. Oh, oh, oh, literal trailer. Yeah. And putting my hand in, I go, oh, I guess I'm going to live in like Shreveport, Louisiana. For how long? A year? My rest of my life. No, no, no. You got to keep doing that. Keep dipping in the fish.

Maybe every year, but I would get to go into a trailer park and just disappear. Yeah. Trailer park, Bobby. Yeah. And then I would look strange too. What would you look like? Bell bottoms. Every day? Yeah, yeah.

Even in Louisiana? Yeah. I look like El Cucaracha. Oh, I love El Cucaracha. Yeah. I would do El Cucaracha with him. I would bring a- Wife beater? What are you wearing up top? A wife beater, but are you wearing up top? A wife beater, but also I want, definitely one of those El Monteachi guitars.

Oh, yeah. Are on my shoulder, right? Bell bottom. A lot of his, you know, I would go to his style too. Who, McCone? No, Fancy. Oh, what, shitty shirts? Yeah, like t-shirts with, you know what I mean?

Red, people doing dancing. Ha ha like, you know what I mean, red, people doing dancing. You know what I mean? And then I would probably wear, and this is probably not appropriate, but something with feathers. How is that not appropriate? What are you not allowed to like feathers? You know, people say it's cultural appropriation

or whatever. How? You know what, I would do that, but with three feathers and a gigantic blood diamond on my forehead. Love. You know what I mean? Like, not a polished one. No, just a raw blood dime, right? And then it was like maybe blood from like real revolutionary on it or or smuggler. Shoutout smuggler was South Africa Yeah, yeah, just dried on there. You know, I mean, I would probably wear the football paint. Oh, we're like war paint

No, not war point football paint. We're, you know how sometimes they just put black? Yeah, do you know what that's for? Why? That's actually interesting. I'm surprised that football players are the only ones that wear that. Yeah. Why aren't soccer players could wear it too?

Yeah, I would do that. Reflection of light or the sun, it helps. That's right. Helps keep it out of your eyes. Make my eyes wider. Let me see. If I wore that, because the sun's not. That's so funny.

Blood diamond. You imagine all it takes for Asians to have bigger eyes to just put on that black under their eyes. Yeah. They can use an extra fine Sharpie. Okay. Oh. There he is.

Now you're here. Yeah, he only waits. He only waits for the jokes that he knows he can tell. Yeah, that's right. If we ask him to do the joke, he can't think of it. That's right. But if one pops into his head, even if it's gonna piss me off,

he has to say it because he knows that it's kind of good. Kind of good. Yeah. So let's get back on a happy track then. Yeah. Is there something you're excited for at the end of the year or the beginning of next year? No.

Really? Yeah, what? There's nothing brewing for you? No. Nothing. Well, I'm There's nothing brewing for you? No. Nothing. Well, I'm excited about, I've lost 10 pounds, so I'm excited about- That's awesome.

I watched the original Christmas episode, like a few days ago. Yeah. It's wild how much smaller you look. Yeah, yeah. That's like- You do look smaller. Everyone has commented.

Yeah. Literally everybody. But when I get another 10, 15 pounds, I'm gonna then- Go to the gym. Do my thing. Does your penis look better? No, I'm serious, when you lose some weight,

sometimes your dick looks better. Most of the weight's from that. Oh my God. Yeah. Your dick lost 10 pounds? Five pounds, five pounds. Wow. It was definitely five pounds dick.

So let's get you fat again. Yeah, I know what I'm talking about. Dude, that's a bad idea. It's so funny, I went to the spa the other day and I saw a couple of really big dudes with like little micro dicks. Love. They look like buttons.

You mean big as in fat or strong? No, they're just a button. No, no, their body. Were they fat or strong? Oh, fat. Oh, well fat's different. They're huge, right, but they have a little Benjamin button there.

That's why they got so fat. Yeah. You have a tiny penis, you're gonna eat your sadness away. But I wonder why, how that happens. They have big hands. Yeah, but they probably got fat because of their small dick, I just said. They got sad, they saw that little pecker

and they thought, never gonna use this, I might as well just eat away my feelings. Wow. I like seeing a buff guy at the gym with a small little penis. Why? I love them. Why? Because he's like, fucking object,

and you're like, nah. But that's why he's buff. I know, but that's why. Overcompensating. That's why regular guys like us have regular dicks. It's great. Yeah. We didn't win, we didn't lose.

It's fine. Yeah. It's fine. You know what our cocks are? Vanilla bean ice cream. Exactly. French vanilla bean. It's good, it's fine.

Yeah, yeah. It's not the one that everybody wants, but it's fine. Yeah. You know? And yours has a little bit of mango in it. We got a couple slices of mango. Lychee fruit. Lychee, lychee. Lychee fruit, yeah, yeah. It is funny. By the way, I just, and yours has a little bit of mango in it. We got a couple of slices of mango.

Lychee fruit. Lychee, lychee. Lychee fruit, yeah, yeah. It is funny, by the way, I just, at the spa today, I went in the hot tub and you know, you go naked in the men's spa, so I'm naked in the hot tub and a guy came out of the sauna and didn't know someone was in there,

cause I'm sure he went in and no one was on that section, it was kind of quiet today. And he came out and he like saw me and panicked and grabbed one of the towels to cover up his little penis And then I had to pretend like I didn't see his little penis Yeah, cuz he stood right there and I kind of like are you naked look the other way? Yeah, you have to be Yeah, so when I'm at the I took jewels to the natural is Jesse to the we spa. Oh, yeah We went to we spa together I was that it was so fun. Yeah. Yeah, she was a little scared. Yes. Do you it's foreign? Yeah, but when I always know literally

Yeah, I always noticed though. There's like white dudes Completely wearing like a basketball shorts in the steam room and then the Koreans and the blacks were like completely naked Right. Yeah, yeah. But there's always, why is that? Why at the white meeting? Do you guys talk about that at the white meeting? We do. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, and this is gonna offend you, but we wear shorts because we don't want to sit on the same ground as you. We need some sort of cloth separation. Oh, oh, oh. Yeah. Oh, it's good, oh. Because you know what the thing is,

when I go to the sleep room, I put a towel down and I sit on that. That's not enough protection. Not for us. Right. Maybe it's psychological. Yeah. It's mainly psychological.

Well, it's like, you know when you put down, you know when people put down those things on the toilet? Yeah. That's not doing anything. Yeah. But we need the reassurance. Can we create a company that makes those that make them like thicker?

The toilets he covered? Yes. Okay. I think it's a great idea. Can we not have a fucking, there's gotta be a substitute for that. But it has to be able to throw away. So how can it decompose?

Because the thing is is that when you, because I sat at the, I was at the airport when we were coming back and I was pooping. Yeah. Emergency poo and somebody had peed on the fucking seat. Gross. So you have to put nine layers of those things

to absorb the pee so that it doesn't get on your. What if we just travel with one of those? I know. By the way, there's a neck pillow. It's a neck pillow and. Wow, yeah. That's interesting. But there's still pee on the fucking,

what do you call it, the seat. So you gotta clean that. You have a pee side and a butt side. And call it? The seat. Yeah. So you gotta clean that. You have a pee side and a butt side. And you always have the pee side down. You just always know which side is what. It's by color. Right, I don't know.

The pee side will be yellow and then. That's a little too thick to walk around with. You think so? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But we'll have a carry-all. We'll have a bag that's specifically designed for it that looks cool. See, you don't, see, women don't have that.

Cause you know, women sit down and they pee, right? I don't. No, she stands up. I don't, what? She lifts one leg up like a dog. No. She hovers. I step on the seat and then I squat.

Why? Cause I don't want to touch. Wait a minute, you really, you don't stand on the seat, you just hover. No. You physically stand- He puts two feet on there like a fucking monkey. Wait, you put your feet on the toilet seat?

Yeah. That's insane. Like a spider monkey, dude. Why don't you just hover? It's hard because- I know a lot of women that hover. Hovering is a very normal, they hold the walls. Yeah, but what I'm saying is that if everyone just sat,

you're not gonna get pee on the seat. Correct. We have pee on the seat because people stand and pee on the seat. Stand and seat. That's true. Well, how about this? How about this? Why is it, you know, like the women do the hovering technique, you know, like this, this is like a constant thing. I like what you're thinking. Well, what? Well, I just know it's going to be something enlightening.

It's gonna be great. I love it. Tell me. Why aren't women's toilets higher off the ground then? That wasn't what I. No. Why do they have to hover and crouch? Why can't they just, why don't they make a mechanism that like goes up to them so they can just stand?

Why don't they do that? Why do they have to hover or this one? Oh, oh, so you're stand and it's kind of like a thing that goes over here. Yes. And you're just like, right? You hit a button. Woo.

Yeah. And it just cups. Yeah. Right? Why don't they do that? And they, and you can walk. So now you're in. Why don't they do that with us?

We don't need that. Cause we, we like to stand and pee. It's like a nature. It's like a, it's like a male nature. No, I mean for pooing. Oh, I don't, well because we like to stand and pee. It's like a nature. It's like a it's like a male. No, I mean for pooing Oh, I don't well Extra tall toilet. See this is what i'm talking about. Can you can you poo like that? No, you can't poo like that I'm doing yeah, i've done that you pooed straight up. Oh, yeah stiff as a board It must be messy. That's how we end the meetings

Oh, it's how you that's your exit. No, but when i've camped when i've gone camping Yeah, you lean against a rock and poop. You never done that? No. Have you pooped in the ocean? God knows I know you have. I know you poop. It's super hard. I know you've pooped in the ocean.

Yeah, it's so gross. It's so gross. Awesome, it's actually awesome. Now I've never pooped in the ocean, but every time I pee in the ocean, I also stand up above water level so I'm not peeing underwater. Why?

Because I don't want anything swimming inside my papito. Speaking of the ocean. That's a real thing. That's a real fear, something. And by the way, oh, this is what I was going to say too. Looked up the statistic of this. Catching something like from a toilet seat, like from sitting on it, is literally impossible.

You'd have to have open wounds on your legs and then have to be fresh bacteria on the seat to catch anything from the toilet. You can catch poo. And I don't want poo. I'm sorry. You can catch poo and pee and I don't want that. You just wipe it off. Off of my butt cheek? I don't want poo on my butt cheek. Before I sit down. Yeah.

And by the way, who's pooping on the toilet seat? I've seen it. This one that's hovering? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've seen it. A hover shit? Yeah, yeah. No, but when I get in the bathroom,

I take toilet paper, I wipe the seat anyway. It's still dirty. How, how dirty? Yeah, yeah. How dirty, no, seriously, how dirty? No one is pooping, the only thing that's getting on there is other people's butts, that's it. That's it, no one is lifting up and pooping on the seat. It there is other people's butts. That's it. That's it.

No one is lifting up and pooping on the seat. It doesn't happen. It will not happen. It cannot happen. I've had, I swear to God, I've seen poo on the seat before. Then maybe it's at a place where young kids are and they're fucking, they're little shitty gross but most of the time in an adult atmosphere there's nothing on the seat. Maybe a little bit of piss.

Yeah. A little bit of piss. By the way, if you peed in the toilet with with shorts on, you feel it on your legs. Yeah. You pee in a urinal, you feel it all over your legs. I just think that the God should have made it different. Our body's different. Well, where would you where would you put it?

I put the butthole in the bottom of my foot. You've said this before and I think that's a great idea. I've said this before. And where do you pee from? Your fingers? Yeah. Yeah. You can get it away from you. You shouldn't pee at the same from, your fingers? Yeah. Yeah. You can get it away from you. You can shit and pee at the same, like, shh.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Dude, imagine. This would be great. Yeah. That's why if someone's pissing you. But then you'd sit down and you have to wipe like this,

though. That's not bad. That's not bad, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, or you do, or we just create a mechanism. You know, like at a bar, you know how they, you flip a glass upside down and they have a washer, shh, shh, shh, the water spray you flip a glass upside down and they have a washer, shh, shh, shh, the water sprays up?

Just have that for your foot. That's fucking great. Little foot washer. That's great, dude. Don't have to wipe ever again. Unless somebody has a foot fetish. That'd be weird, maybe. Not really.

Well, yeah, that would be weird. Oh, how it gaze. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Foot, foot fucker? You foot fucker. That's a new, look at these foot fuckers over there.

Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Look at that foot fucker there dude. Yeah, yeah. I'm not going near those foot fuckers, get it me? Yeah.

Yeah, well, a foot fucker. Would you fuck the foot? I would. Yeah, yeah, I would fuck the foot. Get it me? I love, you know I like feet. Yeah. I love a good foot.

Something about it on the internet, when you see a good foot, you're like, that's sexy. A shoe salesman for a women's department has to be a girl then probably. Otherwise you're a perv. Yeah, you're just grabbing the foot, you know what I mean?

Taking the sock off. What's the same thing with gynecologists? And I found out that there's male gynecologists, you're like, what? You would never, you've never had a male doctor that, no. Wouldn't you be so uncomfortable? Yeah, but I think allies is a man. I think interesting, interesting, interesting, interesting,

interesting, interesting, interesting, interesting, which it is her, her gynecologist, fewer than half practicing OBGYNs are men, fewer than half, still too many, still too many. I love when people like kids would be like, I want to be a gynecologist. It's like, really? Yeah, it'd be take away all the fun.

Not just that. It's like, you know, you have, you have to fucking like, Judy Dench vagina. Right? Yeah, but it's a dame. I know, but you know what I mean? Like it's like, you know what I mean? I do. A variety of different.

There's too many. Yeah. And you get to see the worst, the best and the worst. The worst. Best and the worst. Yeah. Yeah, you don't want to see it all the time. It's like when you work at McDonald's, you lose the taste of the food.

You don't want to work in the firework factory, you just want to buy them. Yeah. Interesting, you don't wanna see it all the time. It's like when you work at McDonald's, you lose the taste of the food. You don't wanna work in the firework factory, you just wanna buy them. Yeah, interesting. You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think, boy, do I like buying them. I love buying them, yeah. I wanna say this, for Christmas this year,

I want one thing from you. Okay. Happiness, Nick. No, no, no. I want you to be happy next year. And I'm gonna work tirelessly on making you happy. I don't know how I'm gonna do it, but I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna find a way. I'm gonna find a way.

I'm gonna find a way. I promise. I will find a way. Where there's a will, there is a way. No, no. Yes, yes. Look at me. I'm gonna find a way.

I promise. Thank you. What do you want for Christmas, Jules? You're in luck, we got a gift for you. What? Bring out the gifts. Yeah, I want the gifts. Yeah, we definitely want the gifts.

Oh wow, look at this. Wow. Don't open them all at once. Fuck you. Tell me what to do. Okay, he says this is not worth a lot, but I'm gonna love it. No, he said it was priceless.

Priceless. Whoa. I'll give you my genuine response. All right, hold on one second So what starts well, let fancy start get his out of the way Okay. All right, Bob, you go first. I go first. Okay. No stop Jules go first. Yeah, I should go this way. Yeah Ski one ski Jules is kind of a throwback. What is that?

Oh a katana! Whoa! It's plastic? No it's real! Whoa! That is so dope! That's so cool! Thank you! This is so cool!

Wow! I'm actually impressed. That's a cool. Thank you, this is so cool. So dope, dude. Wow. Wow. I'm actually impressed. That's a pretty cool one. That's cool, thank you. Whoa, dude. Whoa, dude, be careful with this. That's not a real. Yeah, it's a knife.

It's not steel though. Put your hand out and feel it. Let me see it. Hand right there. No, no, I don't wanna do that. Just once. No, dude. Okay.

No, it's not, it's wood. It's wood. All right, let me do mine. Oh, I got some stuff for Cubby. Oh, it's not. It's wood. It's wood. All right, let me do mine. Oh, I got some stuff for Cubby. Oh, wow. Salmon skins. Oh, for the dog. Oh, for the dog.

And it's a little Christmas sweater. Yay, thank you, dude. Honestly, thank you. And by the way, you know who else likes salmon skins? Rudy, my little salmon skin girl. Can you really eat this? You can. Honestly, thank you. And by the way, you know who else like salmon skins Rudy My little salmon skin girl You can go ahead give it to the dogs. What do you mean? It's just I don't want her to eat it, dude I want to read all right mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine yours yours yours Let's see it. Oh, I know what this is. Oh

You're so Crazy, they have a best of Bobby Lee. I made that You made this yeah, no, no way How'd you find these on YouTube? I had yeah I scrubbed through a bunch of YouTube a bunch of read and I downloaded as much as I could and I cut together like a 73 minute compilation Wow Wow, I burned it onto a blu-ray so you could play that on any of your Gaming devices that has a disc reader. I do yeah, I can. I burned it onto a Blu-ray. So you could play that on any of your gaming devices that has a disc reader.

I do, yeah, I can read, I see it. Do you know what's incredible about this? What? The effort he put into your gift. Yeah. Versus literally. Express, express. Anybody else.

Yeah, he went to Petco for you. Petco? Yeah, yeah. Target, my guy. Target, yeah, my guy. Give me that, let me see it. That is incredible. This is incredible. Wow.

Craft and heart. I will say- Cover is based on the first season DVD release on Matt TV. American comedy icon, Bobby Lee, finally gets the home media release he deserves. See all his greatest sketches, at least all the ones I could find on the internet. For some reason, this fucking show isn't streaming anywhere.

A collection so funny, it will have your whole family shouting, Uh-oh, hot dog. Merry Christmas 2024 from a cone. It's a real Blu-ray. Should work on any gaming device with a disc slot for Blu-ray player. Runtime is 73 minutes. Wow. 73 minutes?

That's how much footage is out there. I mean there's even more that I cut out. If you were like the lead of a sketch I cut it Wow, dude, that's incredible. That's an extremely thoughtful get it really I got nothing you got nothing and and I I pay you I Pay you yeah, I give you your heart So hard it's so I'm this all the party you did you built this yeah, you built you could have built me something It's so, I'm insulted for you. You built this.

Yeah. You could have built me something. That is a beautiful gift. It's incredible. All right, Fancy, open up your fucking gift. And so I want Fancy to be able to appreciate some real cinema. So I also got Fancy a Vesto Bobby.

That is nice. Which is what I've always wanted. That is what you've always wanted. If I don't have enough of Bobby. So you burned it twice. No, I actually just made the cover twice. There's not a real one in there. Couldn't afford a second disc?

No, that's actually an SNL, the best of Chris Farley disc. Which is way better, thank you. Okay, you're a piece of shit. That's mean. No, that's mean. Take it back right now. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's true, it's true. It's true.

Is it though? Real good, thank you. I love it. Is's true, it's true. It's true. Is it though? Real good, thank you. I love it. Is it true? It's true. How? Anyway, thank you, McCone. Thank you.

Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, McCone, thank you so much. That was nice. My dog will love this. We gave you a career, so happy Merry Christmas. Before we go, I wanna recommend something to our listeners. Please. So I've been, you know,

you've ever heard of Sirius the podcast? No. Anyway, yeah you have. Sirius, I don't know it, no. Is it called Sirius or? Cereal, cereal. Oh yeah. Not serious.

Are you serious? Cereal the podcast. Yeah, cereal. There's a new one called The Good Whale. The Good Whale. Yeah, and it's, I tried to bring up the last podcast. I said, I brought up Keiko, right? But then we didn't riff on it,

but it really is an enlightening little podcast. What is it about? So have you ever seen Free Willy? The movie? Yeah. Yeah. You did? Yeah, of course. So when they found a whale to play Willie,

it was this whale in Mexico. Hard to cast. Yeah. It was a Mexican whale. Yeah, I want to be Free Willy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You would think if they got a whale to jump, it would have been a black whale. Right. So then when the movie comes out, it becomes a hit and all the kids are like, where is this whale? And they're like, it's in this tiny little pool. It's malnutrition. Malnourished, yeah. I mean, I don't know what the conditions were if they weren't- Gross.

I mean, they weren't the best. It's awful. Right. So they, so the planet, pretty much everyone on the planet that had something to do with whales, they go, we want to try to free him, but he's been in captivity since he was a kid baby. This is real free Willy. Yeah. Yeah.

So they ship the, they build a completely big facility in Oregon, this high tech facility. Yeah. So they build his muscles and they try to train him in terms of how to catch fish, how to dive, you know what I mean, all that stuff. And then after a couple of years, they bring him to Iceland where they found the baby to release him, but they put him in a little bay first

and it's this voyage out into the real sea. Wow, well you don't see it, you hear it. It's five episodes, I listen to all of it, and it's really just, you know, it melts your heart. Beautiful. Yeah. Did it live? Cause a lot of times...

Oh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I don't know if we should give that away. Well we did, it's great. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck it.

Well my... That's what makes me so mad about this document. That's why I want people to listen to it. So when people go, what the fuck? I don't go, fuck you too. I thought too. That's on you. You know what I mean?

My instinct was that they didn't live because when they react... He came close, though. No, really. No, what happened? Can I just tell... Because we just gave it away. Was he killed by another killer whale?

No, what happened was it's so sad because it's like all these, you know, all these trainers and all the people that work for this organization, they got to a point where they, because he was so reliant on humans. Right. That even if he saw a boat, he would just come up to the boat and say hi. So that what all these people would do, they would have to hide. So all of a sudden now, Keiko's alone. Oh. And he doesn't know what to do. So they open up the bay and then they see, sometimes these killer whales have these parties. I've been to one.

I know, in the white. Yeah, yeah. But they're half black too. We're okay with that. Okay. All right. Depends on how they identify. So they have these parties

and Keiko would watch from a distance. He's in the ocean and they're all communicating, having fun and Keiko's just like, I don't know what to do. Right. So when did Keiko just, because they're all though his trainers are hiding, he just started going into the ocean by himself, traveling thousands of miles. Oh, Keiko. By himself. You know what I mean? And then one day in Norway, this little kid and his Norwegian family were on their boat and Keiko pops his head up he traveled thousands of miles and they're like whoa this killer whale is so nice and he would just follow them around because he just you know I mean so lonely and then um

and at nights the family could hear Keiko outside yeah yeah like where are you you know what I mean could hear Keiko outside. Yeah, yeah, like, where are you? You know what I mean? I know it's so sad, right? And then he dies. He dies, he dies. It's so sad. It's so sad.

But that's the circle of life. It's not, that's not the circle of life. You don't take, here's what it is. They shouldn't have done it in the first place. Killer whales, right, they're so attached to their mothers. In fact, right, killer whale mothers, right, even when their son is fully grown, they'll rip up a piece of fish

and then leave some for the kid. That's how attached they are. All right. Right? And it's like, and they're called pods, that's your family, and they know each other for all their lives, right? And they have their own language, they don't communicate. Keiko doesn't know any of that shit.

So of course Keiko wasn't gonna survive based on all that. I mean, this is like ripping away their core instincts. Yeah, it's like you should not, I mean, Sea World should not exist. Any of these things should not exist. I agree. Yeah, do you do? What about zoos?

I think zoos are bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit. It's Oshu, it's for animals. 100%. You know what I mean? 100%. What are you laughing at? You know what you seem like a guy that captures them? What about zoos? I think zoos are bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit. It's Auschwitz for animals. 100%. You know what I mean? 100%.

What are you laughing at? You know what? You seem like a guy that captures them. I like the alliteration of Auschwitz for animals. Okay. Okay. Anyway, whenever you see these animals, it's just like they don't know what's going on. Well, it's also, I don't care how like kept the zoo is, it's always awful.

It always looks like shit. They look like they're bummed. That's why there's always sorts of wild shit that happens at a zoo because they just don't want to be there. They don't want to fucking live like. They know in their gut they're not supposed to be there and they look sad every fucking time you go. It's the worst. But also when they brought Keiko to the new tank that they built in Oregon, they built half of the tank where a see-through. And reporters and people from the town would visit

and Keiko would always come by and just sit there and just say hi to these humans, like, you know what I mean? And play with them. He was raised by humans. Yeah, she just loved humans. And all of a sudden they were like, nah, you know what I mean? It's insane. He doesn't-

Yeah. Is it a guy or a girl, I mean? It's insane. He doesn't- Yeah. Is it a guy or a girl, Keiko? It's a boy. Really? Maybe man up his name. Wait, what? Make, change his name? Keiko.

That was probably why he didn't make it. Anyway, I mean, Merry Christmas to everybody. Merry Christmas to almost everybody. Yeah, thank you for being a bad friend. Thank you for being a bad friend. Don't go Keiko on us. Honestly, can I tell you something? If you're gonna land a joke to close the show,

it's gotta be seamless. I mean, she said don't four times. Have you gotten worse at speaking English? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't be keiko on us. It's almost like since you became a citizen, you're shittier at getting it out. Jules, wish everyone a happy Christmas.

Go ahead. Merry Christmas, and thank you for being a bad friend. God bless. Can we end with a Christmas song? Yeah, yeah, friend. God bless. And with that Christmas song? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So this is our bad friends Christmas song that we wrote together. We did? Yeah, you remember this?

Oh yeah. Christmas here, you are here. Come on. You know it. Be with your family, don't have tears. Christmas, Christmas, Christmas. Black friends, Mexican friends, all around the fireplace. Christmas, Christmas.

And the little ones we called children and the dwarves. Christmas, Christmas. little ones we call children and the dwarves Christmas Christmas jolly candy candy coins. Jules your verse? Eggnogs and cinnamon crunch together. Christmas Christmas. Oh what a wonderful Christmas Oh what a wonderful Christmas Yeah Christmas Christmas Couple more lines I love everyone

I love everyone Christmas Christmas Christmas Christmas Christmas Christmas Go Go Jingle Bell Christmas Christmas Go yeah Yeah Christmas Christmas Imagine if you walk into a lounge you heard this this is a lounge Depressed on Christmas and walking

Thank you for being a bad friend. That's so funny. Christmas Christmas Yeah! Woo! Yeah! Woo! Yeah!