Bad Friends - Eskimo Kiss Thanksgiving
Episode Date: November 24, 2025Get MORE Bad Friends at our Patreon!! https://www.patreon.com/c/badfriends Thank you to our Sponsors: Dominos, Displate, Rocket Money, DraftKings, Shopify • Dominos: Order now at https://dominos....com • Displate is celebrating Black Friday with the biggest discounts EVER - no better time to grab your Holiday gifts and save up to 46%! https://displate.com/l/badfriends • Rocket Money: Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to https://RocketMoney.com/BADFRIENDS today. • DraftKings: Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app NOW and use code BADFRIENDS. • Shopify: Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at https://shopify.com/badfriends YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube Audio Subscribe: https://apple.co/31Jsvr2 Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com 0:00 Eskimo Kisses 4:20 Predator: Badlands 10:00 Daddy Why You Die? 17:00 Carlos vs Gangsters 25:00 Missing Person 30:00 War with Howie Mandel 37:00 Don't Pester a Sleeping Man 45:00 Chat EBT 50:00 Comics Unleashed 55:00 Family Feud Round 2 1:00:00 Shreking & Dreams More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbylee.live More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Fancy SOS VHS: https://www.youtube.com/@7EQUIS Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fancyb.1 More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: 7EQUIS https://www.7equis.com/ Podcast Producer: Andrés Rosende This video contains paid promotion. #bobbylee #andrewsantino #badfriends #sponsored #ad Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Hey, everybody, we got new merch and these, I mean, this is, this was a traumatic day in my life.
Yeah, really well.
When I fell over and I was bullied a little bit online, but from Andrew, but, you know, but this, yeah, you laugh like a hyena.
But let me say something, we have it on a shirt now.
And we have it on a long sleeve, on a short sleeve like that,
and on this hoodie, which we absolutely love.
So go to badfriendsmerch.com to grab at bad friendsmerch.com.
You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots.
A white dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting.
Oh, you two or something.
We're bad friends.
Dear Lord, thank you for the familiars.
Thank you for the meal on my plate.
I'm grateful to you.
Thank you, natives, for all of the land.
We gave you casinos.
Cut off your hands.
Sorry about the smallpox.
The things that we gave you
The blanket was nice
But it fooled with disease
Sorry
Sorry natives
Whoops are bad
Yeah
That's Thanksgiving
Sorry natives
Woopsie are bad
We really did a lot of damage
and we named our sports teams
after your leaders.
Love dances with wolves.
I love Lassau Mohicans.
Favorite movies of all time.
And Minnetonka shoes.
Amen.
Amen.
Amen to that.
Amen to that.
Yeah.
We love them.
You know, I've collaborated with some natives in my life.
Yeah, you did great on that.
I really enjoyed.
I really enjoy the people
and the culture
and we want to say
thank you. We do love all of our native fans.
We do have a lot of native fans.
We love Hmong. I know that's not native.
Mong is not native.
I understand that, but we do love them.
We love the Hmong people. Yeah, the Hmong people.
They're mountain people.
We love, there isn't a group of people we don't like.
No, there's one.
What? You stay at first.
We really? Really? Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, let me think.
of the thing.
What group of people don't we like
on the count of three?
One, two, three.
Eskimos.
Oh.
What?
What did you say?
Jerks.
Oh, jerks.
Jerks.
I said Eskimos.
Oh, wow.
Why don't you like Eskimos?
They're snowballs.
They hurt so bad because you know what they do is they
They huck them?
No, no, they make it and then they
overnight it freezes into an ice ball.
Oh, yeah.
And they read it's very, there he is.
Come on, look at how cute that guy.
They're the best.
Oh, that's a girl?
That's a girl.
I can't even tell.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
See, Eskimos, they were ahead of the trend.
Yeah.
That's a gender, that is a fluid person.
It's a fluid.
Yeah.
I don't know who that is.
Look at that nose.
They love to kiss with the nose.
Eskimo kisses.
Yeah.
You want to do an Eskimo kiss?
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
No, happy Thanksgiving.
Yeah.
I mean, how do they tongue?
I mean, that's it, right?
There's no way to get more, you know, because when you're kissing,
thing, right?
You can, you know, you do clothes mouth
from the beginning,
you kind of figure out
what their style is,
and then you dart in the tongue,
and sometimes you do,
you know what I mean,
like washing machine.
Dart in.
Well, it's like wrestling.
You've got to find a way.
You can't,
yeah.
How is that working out?
That technique.
It works.
It's pretty good.
Probably 10,000 times
I've done it, right?
Most of them have.
But with Eskimo,
how do you get more,
you know,
intimate with it?
Well, they have sex,
bud.
Damn, I'm just out of the kissing style.
Oh, brother, I don't think Eskimo actually...
Maybe they blow...
Maybe they blow snot into the other hole.
That's actually smart.
Yeah.
It could be.
Cool.
I just saw Predator Badlands.
Dude, that movie, dude, last night?
What a movie.
So good.
So good.
But the movie is...
Because you never watch...
You never watch the movies I recommend.
Like, you never sell weapons.
I couldn't.
Why?
I wasn't allowed
Yeah, yeah
It's rated R
Yeah, but
I am not allowed
Would you,
what Predator movies have you seen?
The original
That's the only one
That's the best one
Did you see Prey?
No
Prey?
Incredible, same director
I've only seen the original
You gotta watch Prey
You gotta watch this
It's incredible
You saw it?
Yeah
Incredible right
So funny
What do you think it's about?
Tell me?
Predator Badland?
Yeah, yeah
Well, give me a photo
Give me an image
And I can tell you story
Yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah
You're very good at this by the
This is probably
One of my best quality
Yeah, yeah
yeah yeah yeah let's go to yeah that one that photo oh it's about immigration yeah yeah this is all
about immigration yeah but it's the reverse right yeah I mean because in this time America's
going real bad yeah and Mexico's thriving right so yeah yeah what one is the Mexican
fancy watch it fancy watch it yeah and right there you know
know where there are el paso right there that's el paso yeah and they're trying to get into waras
right you're right so he to make it easier he slices her in half no it just rips her body off
yeah yeah in half well because that's probably easier to get her across yeah and her name is karen for
some reason yeah why i don't know why but her name is karen and she's like you know what um
hey raoul or yeah that's raoul yeah yeah whatever your name is this is one of her lines you
You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, dude, I'm not like climbing any fences. Okay, I'm not going to go in any body of water. Find a way. Is that L. Manning? Yeah, she's great at it. This girl is so fucking good. She's so good. She's good in everything now. Yeah, yeah. It's almost like her career has flourished the most the last like five years, right? Complete unknown. She was killed in there. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. And who's the actor playing The Predator? Is that Jacob Allorty again? No, he's, I've never seen him before, but he's very.
good at it. So this is the problem.
Look at that. Zoom in. Look at all handsome this guy is. Then they put him in that mask.
Right. So you don't even get to see how handsome he is. Yeah. So pick an ugly guy for
this. This is my problem with Hollywood. Just let an Ogo do that. You can't give that to
us. It's in a mask. Well, you have to have the body.
No, you don't. What do you mean? It's just a fucking suit. No, he's not wearing a
I mean, he's wearing like probably latex stuff onto the arms. You're telling me that's,
let me see the full body. You can see the armor behind him. Can I give you the premise or
know.
It's not about immigration, I guess.
Is that was wrong?
Yeah.
I think you're a little wrong.
I think the premise of this is, um, Predator.
Okay.
Be real.
I got it.
I got it.
I got it.
I got it.
So Predator is, um, there's a new regime taking over and he is against it.
He's like the renegade and she is, he falls in love with her and he's trying to
protect her because they're going to kill, they're going to kill her.
She's white.
They're killing off all the Karens.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The killing of the Karens.
And he loves her.
And he says the only way for this to work is if I cut you in half, I'll reassemble you later.
Yeah.
Because they need to think you're dead.
And now they're on the run.
He's reassembled her and they're on the run from the regime.
Pretty close.
Am I close?
Nope.
All right.
What is it?
What is it?
Should I be real about it?
I don't want to give any spoilers away.
Well, you don't have to spoil it when you give the premise of the movie.
I'll give you the premise of the movie.
What is that?
So he's, you know, here's what I like about the movie, right?
You never get insight in terms of the culture of whoever the predators are, right?
Do you see the movie?
I haven't seen it.
You're talking like the original predator.
Right.
You just, it's just some alien who can camouflage, you know what I mean?
Cool weapons and they're difficult to kill.
I mean, that's pretty much all the predator movies.
And now in this, you see, you know, the family dynamics.
of the predator family
of the predator family
and it's very North Korean
I believe
yeah yeah is he the young
is that young predator
like is he the baby of the family
he's the baby of family
and because he's smaller
than all his brothers
right
he's dating a white girl
yeah yeah yeah
like man look a predator
can't get himself a nice
no he's gay
you know all
all gay minorities have like
this white girl
that's like sticking up for them
oh right
yeah like yeah the yautch
It's called the Yautja.
Yeah, and so basically he's the run,
and the father is like he needs to die
because he's a shame on the family.
Ah.
Right?
So he, the little Yautja goes,
well, can I go to this planet
to kill this monster that no one can kill?
Because they like to hunt.
Right.
And the father's like, you can't kill that.
I'm afraid of it.
Oh, wow.
Right?
And he goes to this, he goes to this planet
Badlands, I don't know what the planet's called,
and that's where the movie's...
That's the beginning of the film.
And she's, she works for a corporation.
She works for like Black Rock?
Yes, sort of like Black Rock,
but she's an, you know, an android,
and she was split in half from that creature.
So she's a humanoid.
She's half human, half...
No, she's fully android.
Oh, she's no human at all.
There's no humans in the movie.
Should be.
A really good movie.
So it's worth it, though.
Yeah, can you do this?
I just, before I can get...
I'll get this off my...
chest real quick um can you stop um telling me to send me uh send you my my dead dead photos
what are you talking i was in mexico with some friends yeah so one in the morning this guy calls me
he goes yo he goes send me photos of your dead dad i go why he's like my friends want to see it
i was telling the story uh uh i was telling the story of how this
podcast was kind of birthed. And at the beginning what had happened with your dad and how daddy
while you die became a thing. And then one of the guys was like, that's crazy though, the picture
thing. And he's, and he was like, that's not real though. I was like, that's very real. Yeah.
And he was like, no. I go, okay. And I called you. I was like, will you send me a picture of your dead
dad? Yeah. And they showed it to him what happened? By the way, this guy's a big star. Yeah.
Well, I sent it to everybody. Really? I air dropped it to all of them. They all have it now.
They're going to blow one up and put it in their house. So what, when you showed it to him, what happened?
I was a king of the party for a couple minutes.
Yeah.
Did they laugh or?
Everyone was shocked.
It wasn't as funny as I thought it was going to be.
Obviously.
Yeah, yeah.
It's not funny.
Well, the second photo of your dad is weirder because one of them is like a selfie with your dad.
And the other one, your mom's crying.
But you're straightforward.
Yeah, yeah.
No, I'm not in that photo.
The second one you're in.
Yeah, but that was like a camera setup that the timer thing.
So funny.
And that I had to run around, which is always, you know.
Imagine you set up.
the timer and your dad's body moves a little bit
and you're like, hold on, set it again.
Yeah, yeah.
But the first one I sent you is the most tragic one
because right when my dad dies,
I catch my mom crying.
And my brother's just like, he makes a face
that he's like.
Yeah, he's in shock.
Yeah, he's in shock.
That's Steve shock.
Yeah, and it's a brutal photo.
But I like that you sent it and I appreciate you.
I needed to show everyone to...
Well, you ruined whatever party you were at, I think.
Pretty hard.
Yeah.
It was pretty bad.
Nobody liked it.
No, they loved it.
No, they loved it.
They thought it was funny.
Yeah.
Well, when I sent it to the Hudson's, they didn't like it, remember?
That's weird they didn't like it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I was in Mexico.
You got to show something fun in Mexico.
We were scared in Mexico.
Right, right, right.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Walking the streets of Mexico.
Yeah.
Late at night, now you're getting some tacos?
Mm.
I love Mexico.
Is it good tacos?
So good.
Tell me about the tacos.
Oh.
And we, and beera?
Beerah.
Beerra.
What is that?
And they were shaving it off in front of you.
I was like, oh, God, dude, it was so good.
Oh, I love when they do that.
When they shave it.
And the cheese is on tops.
They cut a little slice of cheese, throw it in there.
Yeah.
The guy was a fucking magician.
And then the little woman next in was handmaking tortillas.
Oh, dude.
It's so good.
I love Mexico.
My mouth is watering.
It's so delicious.
Yeah.
Right off.
What town?
What town are you in?
Right off the spit.
That's the town?
Spit Mexico.
No, I'm sorry.
Flore is it?
It's called no ice.
Nice?
No ice.
Oh, no ice.
Noice.
No ice Mexico.
No ice.
It was called no ice Mexico.
Nice.
No, we were in Cabo.
You're in Cabo.
Cabo is fun.
Yeah, it's fun.
Cabo is so fucking rad.
And it's actually, I haven't been in like a decade.
Yeah.
Loved.
Really?
Oh, dude, I love Cabo.
Yeah.
Although the ocean.
I've been to Touloum.
Touloum's great.
Yeah, yeah.
You know, I'm always afraid in a foreign country.
Why?
Because they're going to steal my like organs.
I don't know why I have that fear, but like I'm going to wake up.
You look like them.
They don't want you.
I was going to say something like that.
No, that's not the right.
No, I'm going to argue against that.
Like your liver's American has like...
No, no, no, no.
I don't know if they want your organs, man.
Like in Mexico, they would be like, hey, this guy, you know,
he has the same kind of body we do.
Maybe his liver will fit in Uncle Pedro's body.
You know what I mean?
You know what I mean?
With yours is like, no, this one is going to be too big for Uncle Pedro.
Too big.
Yeah.
It's like five times more too big.
He's not going to be able to get in there.
He has a lump on the side like, is, Santino's pancreas.
Yeah.
They don't want a tumor, yeah.
Yeah, but they're not going to go.
$50 like, you know, $2,000.
A couple grand.
Yeah, yeah.
What?
Yeah.
My liver is $50.
No way.
His liver's worth way more than mine.
Yes.
I have a bunch of alcohol running through mine.
They don't know that by looking.
Well, he's got a GLP one in his, though.
Yeah.
You've got.
They'll lose weight.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Take your organs to lose weight?
Yeah, there's benefits for my organs.
On the black market, a human liver can be worth anywhere from 50 grand to 550,000.
That's what I'm saying.
Vote down below, fans.
What's our liver work?
Yeah.
Winner, winner, check, and dinner.
We have finally have a winner of the Great British Baking Show this season.
I didn't see it, finish it.
I have two more.
Can I guess, though?
Yeah, I'm excited for the guess.
It's that tall, good-looking gay guy.
Interesting.
You know who I'm talking about?
Of course.
Yeah.
He's so keen.
He looks like a surfer.
But I'm not going to tell you yes or no.
Oh, you know?
Well, you want to know.
It's either him or the lady that has no hair.
Okay.
The bald lady.
She's not bald.
She's not bald.
She's not bald.
She's not like a Midwest dad.
It could have been a fashion thing.
No, no.
Well, she talks about it almost every episode that she has alopecia.
Oh, really?
They very clear.
Here's why I don't know that.
about it every...
Can I tell you why?
Because you fast forward
through the whole thing
to get to the very end?
No, I just fast forward
during the judging parts.
Of course.
That's the most important part.
Right.
So I don't know
of the back story
like, you know,
they follow them back.
Yeah, you're not invested in that.
Yeah, I'm not invested in that.
Yeah, yeah.
I love it.
Yeah, but anyway,
is it either one of those two?
Is it?
Maybe.
I think so.
Okay.
Yeah.
You're going to find out
in the next two days.
I might not watch it.
Tell me.
It's jazz.
That's great.
She's awesome.
Yeah, she's awesome.
For the fans that haven't watched it yet, too bad.
Well, you know, this is...
I mean, it's been out for a couple.
This is my test show with dating.
Oh, this show?
Yeah.
What do you mean?
So, you know, sometimes when the first time
somebody would spend the night at my house,
it's a test show.
Right.
So I'll go, I'll go,
you watch Bagel?
I'm like, what is it?
I go, I'm watching episodes of my favorite shows.
And half a during it,
sometimes I'll go, or they'll fall asleep.
And then you can't trust them.
I can't do it.
See, when I was dating,
I always put on American History X.
That was my...
That was your sleep?
Well, when girls would come over,
I go, what do you think?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And if they really got in,
you know, then if they were into it.
There's a couple of movies I would show girls
when I was dating to make sure
that they were kind of like...
Mine's a clock of orange.
That's good.
Very good.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, American Psycho,
kind of like some easy watching stuff.
Yeah.
Stuff that's like...
Yeah.
Do you like that?
That is really interesting
when you start dating a girl.
What do you show her first
to see if she's on your wavelength
of either music or film?
I don't think girls like that.
What?
Music and film?
No, it gives them the ick
when guys are like,
you have to watch these three things
or I don't like you.
You don't say it.
I know, but they know you're doing it.
No, but it's a...
No, you think they don't?
They know.
No.
It's a test.
I'm on gay Instagram.
I know this.
No, no, no.
Here's the thing.
Can I say it?
All right?
It's your show.
Oh, okay.
Thank you.
I'm a producer.
All right.
Damn, dude, he's Tootie Rudy.
Dude, you're Tootie Rudy.
You got Rudy, Tutti, Fuggy.
Yeah, I don't like it, dude.
Or a little meanie-weenie.
What's going on with you today?
I'm not meanie.
What happened this morning?
What did you do this morning?
I had a bad night.
A girl texted me last night.
Like, I'm never talking to you again and all this stuff.
I was like, what could have happened?
Did you sleep with her?
Yeah.
That's probably what happened.
No, she texted me sex, Y or N, and I wrote N.
And then she got really mad and two days later.
Why N?
Why N?
Why N?
Because I was watching
F1
and then after that
I watched Top Gun
and I didn't want to be into it
It was a great race
Yeah
No no no no
The movie with Brad Pitt
Oh
I thought you're talking about
F1 that just happened
No no no
I was watching movies
And I didn't want to deal with it
And then a couple days later
Wait a minute
You could
Okay
Well yeah dude
I think the response
I've done that
The response is not
The response is not end
The response is
I would love to
I can't now
No I lied
Instead I was out of town
And everything
It was a whole thing
You did like my grandma
died again
I said I was in Nashville partying.
I made like a really...
Can we go back to...
Again, it's your show.
Yeah, yeah, you know, I work.
I can tell he was flustered, though.
I did, I...
You want to know the truth?
I got extorted twice in the past five weeks.
What do you mean?
Extorted.
By whom?
Once a gangster and another a girl.
Tell me the gangster extortion.
I got a call from a gangster and he was like,
give me all this money,
or I'm going to leak all this stuff about you online.
And then he texted me on WhatsApp,
saying they were going to come to my house.
I had to call the police.
so it was a whole thing.
I think McCone knows.
Yeah, he called me.
Yeah, I called him.
So I was like, I'd take like Xanax.
I was like freaking out.
It was crazy.
Oh, that's terrible.
Barying the fucking lead.
Where the fuck is this?
It's so real.
It was too real.
He didn't want to talk about it.
Wait a minute.
So how does somebody get your phone number?
And what do they have to leak about you?
Like, do you have nudes?
I think they thought I was married still.
No, I don't have nudes on the internet or anything.
You're even on my phone for this reason.
And they threatened to leak your information.
The word gangster is a little suspect.
Yeah.
Some troll.
No, it was like a Mexican
Was it a Yakuza?
No, it was like a Mexican dude
If you don't
Give me a money
If a Mexican dude
Threatens to like harm you
That's a gangster
Oh so it was a Mexican dude
You heard his voice
Yeah, he like read me my address
Oh give me the voice
I can't do the voice
Yeah, yeah
I can't
Wow, all right
So it was a guy that you actually heard his voice
Yes
And he wouldn't let me hang up
It was all the tells of someone
So you got through it
You got extorted by a gangster
and then extorted by someone else?
I mean, you're so extortable.
A girl I went out with three years ago
texting me a couple weeks ago
with like an Apple pay request
for like a couple grand.
And she was like, give me this
or I'm going to leak gossip about you online.
And I don't know what that really means.
One time on Tiger Belly, I said,
black people are oily.
I remember that.
Yeah, you remember that?
I don't even know what that means.
I just said it, right?
Yeah.
And so then this black lady
my direct message is like
if you don't give me this amount of money
I'm going to put this out into the world
I go I just sit it on my pot
you know what I'm already out
it's already out like what
they're trying to use what I said already
that I said out loud against me
I'm like it's already on the internet
do you get Venmo requests
oh I do yeah yeah
you don't you put your name on there
I don't put my name on there
oh that's right yeah on Venmo
you're like asking for them to ask for money
yeah I read their stories though
Dominoes. Listen, you know what?
They have stepped up their game.
Well, they got specialty pizzas. That's the big thing.
You know, it's not the old school.
That's my favorite word.
Specialty?
Yes, dude.
Or pizza?
Both.
You like specialty pizzas.
Here's one.
This is the spicy chicken bacon ranch.
Look at that thing.
That's got chicken.
That's got jalapenos.
That thing is so good, dude.
And it's got mozzarella.
100% real matzo finished off with a drizzle of buffalo sauce.
You love buffalo.
Oh yeah, what about this?
What about this one?
What's that?
What about this?
We had the extravaganza.
Excurvaganza.
And I already ate a piece.
It was delicious.
And you know what's in this, dude?
Pepperoni, ham.
Love.
Italian sausage, beef,
love.
Fresh onions, fresh green peppers,
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Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like when they, they're long.
Yes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
My uncle Louis lost his toe, you know what I mean?
And he's now living at my house.
My kids haven't eaten two days.
I mean, it goes on and on.
And I'll just have like a moment.
Have you ever given money to a stranger like that?
No. I'll have a moment and I'm like, oh, anyway.
And I'll just talk about it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But they are very sad and my heart goes out to them.
Well, I don't read the request.
That's insane.
Okay.
You start, you're going to, because at some point you might get,
maybe you will get suckered into.
doing it yeah and who knows how honest that is yeah see to me i remember as a kid you know when
someone's like don't give that homeless guy money he's fucking gonna use it for drugs or whatever
and then the old joke is like i'm gonna use it for drugs or whatever you know yeah but i always
give them money because they're out there asking if you have the balls to ask i give you some
money yeah but the internet who knows if they're fucking with you on the street it's like yeah dude
you here have some fucking money yeah i mean yeah i've had ex-girlfriends
ask for money yeah what's the most yeah that is well no it's not it's not that they ask for money
they're just saying can i have money but if they say give me money or else like girls i had seen
like for four months or whatever and it's like and they just they're just out you know it's tough
out there and that i i can't say no no what's the most amount of money you've given something
oh they're not much like you know i mean like uh an electrical bill oh yeah yeah that's actually a clever
i'll pay your bill yeah i'll pay you their bill yeah i'll give you cash no no i give i i've
Venmo, whatever the electrical bill is, I don't give them.
They're not using that for the electrical.
Whatever the thing is.
Sure.
Yeah, yeah.
By the way, electrical bill is such a random.
Do you pay my trash water and power?
Yeah.
Remember, I gave you head one time.
You owe me trash water power.
So you've never loaned a stranger money.
I don't loan friends money either.
You don't?
No, what I will do is give you money.
It's not a loan.
I refuse.
And I learned this years ago from an older gentleman
and said, don't ever loan people money.
You either give it to them or you don't.
Right.
It will not come back.
It should not come back.
It does not exist.
Yeah.
So do not loan.
It'll ruin a friendship.
It will.
Yeah.
I would give a friend money before I'd ever be like, I want it back.
Yeah.
You get one, though.
No, you get one.
Yeah, you get one.
Better be good.
Yeah, it better be a good one.
Or I get people work.
That's, if somebody says to me, I need money, I'll get them a job.
I'll find them a job to get them money.
Yeah.
Because then it's easier to go, how about I cook you up with something
and that I'll give you money.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
I just did.
I did a gig.
I didn't want to fucking do
just so someone else would get paid.
I had this girl.
It's too dark, though.
I can't.
Give it.
Give it, please.
There was this girl that I met
25 years ago,
and she's very hot.
But she's like,
I need money to,
I need money.
I don't have any money.
I go,
you can clean my apartment.
So she would,
once a week,
twice a week,
come over to clean my apartment.
Oh, no.
What?
And you hooked up with her?
Yeah.
This is a Seinfeld episode
Yeah
Then I mean
One day I was taking a nap
While she was cleaning
And then I wake up
And she's literally in my bed
And I'm like
Oh my God
This is amazing
And then we started seeing each other
And then
Months later she disappears
Stop cleaning huh
What?
Stop cleaning
What I mean
When she started sucking
She stopped cleaning
Yeah yeah
And then
The place was a mess
And then I would get calls for her mom
Like have you seen this person
Are you being serious?
I'm being serious
She went missing
She went missing
She cleaned herself out of existence.
You weren't a suspect?
What?
You weren't a suspect.
No.
Key, key suspect.
No.
Yeah, I mean.
And then months after that, I get a call and they found her in an abandoned house.
I'm not kidding you.
In a bathtub completely naked with heroin holes all of her arm.
And she had OD'd.
How dirty was your house?
She'd rather do.
heroin
than clean your
fucking house
yeah yeah she'd rather
damn you know Polly's like
pretending to be mad at us
I know this whole bit
it's bullshit
you should pretend like you're fucking mad at the guy
I'm not mad at them
because you don't want to start
a false war with a false person
that's an old proverb
my dad my grandfather used to sell me
never start war with a fake person
fake person yeah yeah never start
the fake war with a fake person
yeah yeah that should be on
everyone's wall. That's right next to live, laugh, love.
So everyone listening, Polly's trying to start
a fake war with us. There's no
tension. Okay. When we see...
No, this is the game we play. No, it's fine.
I thought you wanted to play. No, we're not playing the game.
All right, go ahead. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You never play with it. Now this
will start a real war with Polly. He'll be mad that you
did this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So here's the deal, okay?
I don't know what he's trying to do, but he's trying to start something. We're
not even aware of it. We don't... Whenever we see him,
it's all hugs and kisses. He's taking a note from
the book of Howie Mandel.
Oh, Howie Mandel. Yeah.
It's how he loves this kind of bullshit.
Exactly.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He loves it.
Yeah, and then Mandel, the last time I saw him like four days ago,
apologized profusely for the, remember him waking me up incident?
Oh, yeah.
We talked about that, right?
Did we never talk about it on the show?
No.
Oh, I'll tell everyone this is what happened.
This is my war with Howie Mandel.
This is real.
Well, it's not a war anymore.
Inside still a little.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
So I did this movie.
you know and um it was like all the scenes are with me and howie and a lot of people are in it but um and so um
this jim's movie no no no no not karate ghost it's not karate ghost no i'm so excited for that
to come out shame steve howie's in it already goes
where are you going
Oh, good.
Please.
Stop.
Show yourself.
All right, all right.
Show yourself.
Did you feel that?
All right.
Go ahead.
Anyway, and so we're both chefs in this movie.
Anyway, so we're working all day.
We're on every fucking scene.
And also it was two days of,
You know,
you,
will you stop
with the karate
goes,
man?
Don't look happy on set.
Did you hear something?
That's a spoiler,
man.
Stop that.
Take it down.
So,
two days straight,
like five in the morning
call time
and also me and highway
in every scene.
Yeah.
And it's like,
we would rap like at midnight.
It was fucking tough.
So,
One, the next day, we did like five scenes in a row all day, which I'm not complaining.
It's just, that's how movies are.
It's just long days.
They're long days.
And I, and finally, somebody goes, listen, you're not in the next couple of scenes so you can rest.
And I was like, whenever that they say that, I'm like, yes.
I love that.
So in this studio that we're at, there's like this corner of this studio where it's kind of away from everything.
And there's like this long couch, right?
And I'm like, yeah.
And it's completely dark kind of.
to. So I'm like, I was eyeing it all day. I was like, that's where I'm going to take my
nap. Right? So I, you know, I curl up and I fall asleep. Completely asleep. About
20 minutes later, I feel something in my ear. Okay? And I'm like, you know,
you know, trying to... Wax. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I kind of look up and there is
a 90-year-old background actress.
Mm-hmm.
All right.
She has her bony, white finger inside my ear, dude.
And I go, what the fuck?
Right?
And I look at her.
And then I look beyond her.
And there's Howie Mendel with a camera shooting it.
It's funny.
It is?
It's funny.
It's insane, but it's very funny.
Right.
Yeah.
But it's not okay.
It's not okay.
But it's very funny.
So I kind of get up.
I go, lady, get the fuck out of here.
Right?
That's not what you said to her.
What'd I say?
Because you called me, you said, who the fuck, who are you?
Yeah, yeah, I mean, yeah.
You were like, who the fuck are you?
Who the fuck are you?
And Howie starts laughing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And she turns to him to like validate.
Validate that to Hughes his fault.
Yeah.
Right.
And so I look at Howie and I go, dude, don't do that again, man.
What the fuck are you doing?
It's insane.
He said, we're having fun.
We're not laughing.
You know what I mean?
Just a bit.
Right.
So they all leave.
Yeah.
I go back to sleep.
right then I feel right my hand is wet
and it's in warm water
okay it's in warm water
right and then I open my eyes
Howie Mendel has my hand in a bucket of warm water
because he was trying to get me to pee
yes in my sleep yes and I went ape shit
I went fucking nuclear on him
it's very funny I'm sorry yeah I go
fuck out
I'm never working with you again
I went snap because I was so tired
right and you know what I mean
and I just had reached my breaking point
blew up on Howie
to the point where in the next scene
the director had to come up to us
and go hey you guys okay
because this isn't working
right like
you guys have to amend this
you sent me a photo and you look
fucking super pissed
I was fucking livid
there's a photo of him with Howie
I don't know if you can find it
with Howie behind him
he didn't post it
oh
he said he's got it in his phone
he sent me a picture of him and howie
and he looks
so funny
and how he's like smiling
and bobby is so fucking mad
I'm so mad dude
it was hilarious
I'm sorry to laugh
it was fucking hilarious
that last scene with him
took forever
and the drug to keep coming out
guys come on
I'm like fuck this guy
let me just say this too
okay
it's disappointing because
as a kid growing up.
Bobby's world.
I was a huge...
I still love him deeply.
Yeah.
But I'm a huge Howie Mendel fan.
I can't even believe that he calls me and stuff.
Like, you know, sometimes you'll...
You've been fans of somebody
and then now they call you.
Yeah.
And you're just in awe of it.
Like, oh my God, I can't fucking believe
someone so-and-so knows me.
Yeah, it's shocking.
It's shocking, right?
You have all that in play, right?
But then, you know, once...
That just goes out the window.
And now he's just some old dude, fucking with you.
You know what I mean? You're right?
And it got to the point where after we rapped,
you know how they go, if people don't know,
if it's your last scene in the movie,
the director goes, all right, that was Bobby's last scene.
A wrap on Bobby and everyone claps.
I fucking hate it so much.
I hate it too, right?
So they do it, but I grab my shit.
I don't say anything to anybody.
I just head right out of the thing,
get in my car and I fucking drive away.
The crew loved it.
They hated it.
I was really fucked.
But you weren't being mean to the crew.
You're yourself?
No, I was just so livid.
And then, you know, the repeated text.
So finally, I ran into Howie.
He goes, hey, man, I owe you dinner.
I go, we're good.
We're good.
I don't want to have dinner with you.
You're going to be crazy old lady
and she's going to fucking throw food at me
in the middle of it.
I mean, what would you have done?
I mean, I'm much more temperamental than you.
That would have fucking, look, the first one
I'd have been like, ha, ha, ha.
Then the second one, I would have been like,
okay, I'm going to fucking get you back bad.
I'm going to get you back.
fucking bad.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I mean, I probably would have smeared poop in his trailer.
Yeah.
Something fun like that.
But you, right?
I'm not.
Oh, I would have loaded up.
Yeah.
You got mad and left.
I would have loaded up.
I would have been preparing during the day.
How can I fucking, you know, can I, can I slash his tires?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Can I really take it to it the next level that it shouldn't go to?
Yeah, I went, yeah, I mean, so it wasn't inappropriate my feelings.
No, it was, it was disrespectful of how you, also,
you don't you know there's an old rule old world rule you know the old world rule
tell me you don't you don't pester a sleeping man that's i've heard that from my godfather
do not you don't pest a sleeping man you don't pester a sleeping man you don't start fake
wars with a fake person and more importantly you don't pest a sleeping man yeah you don't
pastor a sleeping man yeah you don't are vulnerable when they're sleeping you don't do that
you want to fuck with me i better be awake also it's not it's not i was fatigued
You're tired from the show.
Yeah, I was running on two hours of sleep.
I was like, fatigued.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That a 70-year-old man is playing those games is so funny.
That's why it's funny.
That's why Howie's a funny guy.
He's a funny guy, yeah.
Because he will fuck with you.
But this beef that is being had right now with you and Polly, it's fake.
You don't like it.
It's not that I don't like it.
It's just that because when I see him, it's like, dude, and we hug and all that stuff, right?
Yeah, you love him.
I love him.
But, like, he's trying to start.
This thing I've seen online is...
I don't know anything about it.
I got a miscall from him, though.
Probably this.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But he told me he was like...
But we're not going to bite.
You're not, but I was kind of willing to have fun with it.
But yeah, I like that.
You're like, fuck that.
Don't you think this is the best route?
It's the one that you want to take, so I'll be on there with you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What's the route that you wanted to take?
I want to see a little fake war between you guys.
But it was with you too.
Nah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was bad friends.
It wasn't just me.
I know, but he came up to me in the parking lot
And he was like
I think we should do something
Me and Bobby
Yeah
Mad at him
No
I was like
You're not mad at him
That's something that he would say mad that way
Yeah
Mad
Mad at
Yeah
Yeah
No I didn't
I didn't know if he had talked to you about it
That's why I was curious
No he was
He's been
Sweetie sweetie sweetie
Yeah
He's one of the sweetest guy
Yeah
Yeah
But yeah I'm not doing
I'll do a more with Howie
Yeah
Yeah.
But this is what he wants, though.
That's the thing with how he's mentality, you know what I mean?
He thrives onto the shit.
He does.
Yeah.
I'm not biting.
The whole Bill Burr, Billy Corgan thing was he was love in every minute of that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, I did too.
I thought that was fascinating.
It was fascinating.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I love to see Bill Matt.
That's what he's the best dad.
He's the best dad.
And Billy Corgan.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, he was sheepish in that.
Well, it was little.
He was like, oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't know.
It was a little unnerving.
It was unnerving, yeah.
The whole thing was a little shape.
But, yeah, Howie, we're good.
We're good, we're good.
You're good.
Yeah.
You've never been mad on a set or no one's ever fucked you, like, pissed you off.
I made so many people mad.
I had the last season of Dave, I had an unfortunate moment.
It wasn't just me.
Yeah.
The director.
I love this.
The director.
Tell me, tell me.
I wouldn't mention her name or anything.
Yeah, yeah.
but we were shooting a scene outside.
We were, like, out in the countryside,
and it was, like, a crazy fucking morning.
Like, nothing was set up, right?
It was kind of wackadoo.
And there was a lot of moving pieces,
but it was also, like, a huge wide for people at home that want to know,
usually shoot it wide, and then you come in close.
It depends on the director's style,
but a lot of times you get this big fuck off wide,
you get to warm up, and then you get to the scene,
and you get really down to the nitty-gritty,
you get really micro.
Anyway, we're shooting this huge fucking wide,
and we're, like, walking through.
And I'm like, we're walking through
And then we go behind this bus that we're on
And then we kind of are chilling
But it's me and a few of the castmates
And so we're kind of fucking through the scene
Because you're never going to use that shot
For more than a quarter of a tenth of a second
Yeah
So then we go around the bus and we're all chatting
And she fucking
Loses it
We can fucking hear you
This is the third fucking time
You guys are talking through the fucking day
And you're not even like a bunch of children
When she called us children
That's when I was like
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey
Yeah. I was like
I love that, love it. I was like, you're crazy
out of pocket. Yeah. I'm a
fucking adult male. You don't talk to anybody
like that. She was losing her cool. And also
because the episode was kind of not the way
they wanted it to go. And I was like, this isn't our fault.
She was, so then me, I'm not naming people, and the two other castmates
were like, you got it. You got it.
Yeah. Then the rest of that scene was
even harder for her because
I was giving nothing.
You're pissed.
I was like, oh, you think that's, oh, you think that's annoying?
Wait too soon we do in the next fuck.
When you get tighter.
Yeah.
Just wait.
Wow.
We'll do 30 of them now.
Wow.
You treat me like a fucking kid.
That's crazy.
I'm a grown-up.
Just be like, hey, you guys, we can hear you.
She lost her fucking cool.
And subsequently, you know,
haven't heard from her in a while.
I don't think she's getting on the line.
Yeah.
She lost her cool.
And the whole crew was like, what the fuck was that?
Like, the whole crew was like, because what you do is you bring down the energy of the thing.
It was like, why are you doing that?
Then you're, because all the crew guys are like, you know, like the sound guy was like,
yeah.
Like, what's that about it?
Yeah.
So then everyone's in a weird mood.
Like, why are you being that way?
You're just blowing up on people because you're upset about something.
So.
But can you do what Daniel Day Kim does?
Be Asian.
No, no, no, no.
Daniel Dei Kim told me about he was on a set once where the director.
was the first day and goes, hey, man, you're 30 minutes late, screams at him.
Yeah.
But he wasn't late.
He was on time.
Yeah.
So Daniel pulled him aside and he go, hey, man, don't talk to me like that.
I love that.
Yeah.
Why can't we do that?
I'm not Daniel Day Kim.
Oh, that's right.
Yeah.
Oh, that's right.
Yeah, you can, though.
You're, Andrew Santino.
No.
Oh, what?
What's going on here?
What's up, dude?
Who are you, dude?
Damn, dude, dude, you ordered that meant.
Yeah.
Take a seat.
You want to sit down or?
Oh, yeah, for sure.
Hey, man.
I have a idea for you, Bob, if you want.
Oh, we're at Bob now?
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Thank you so much.
I mean, I told you about it.
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Well, Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps him find and cancel your unwanted
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Sorry, what's your last name?
Mr. Bob.
That's Bobby Lee.
Bobby Lee, yeah.
Yes, what's your name?
Get comfortable, man.
Thanks.
What's your name?
Zach Townsend.
You're a great comment.
What's the idea?
What's going on?
He's a great comment.
I got a business idea for you guys, though.
Okay.
Can I pitch it to you?
Yeah.
This is going to get me out of the hole.
Okay.
Chat, EBT.
Okay.
I love it
Before you
Yeah
Yeah
It's not what
It's not what
You're probably thinking
Yeah
Yeah
This is I know exactly
What it is
It's not
It's a
It's chat
GBT for black people
Yeah
Yeah
Yeah
How does that work
How does it work?
So basically you like
Well it doesn't
It doesn't
It should be working
That's why
Snap got taken away
It's not working
Right now
Yeah
But it
But it basically
You axed
It a question
And then it just says
Oh
Hell no.
Oh, I see.
Yeah.
Well, it's a really good idea.
That's a great idea.
Is it AI or?
Alan Iverson, yeah.
Alan Iverson.
Yeah, it's Alan I'm doing it.
Wow, you got him.
Yeah, we got it all.
I deal with them.
Okay, good.
We go tomorrow.
It's Alan Iverson.
You want a piece of pizza?
It looks like you got a lot there.
Yeah.
Too many boxes, maybe?
It's probably blocking your face.
Can I see one?
Just put it off to the side.
Yeah, yeah.
This is my favorite part.
I knew he was going to look at one right away.
Yeah, well, there's more in there.
There's different kinds.
I like this kind
I have some pepperoni
if you want some
I've seen that movie before
I'm not I'm not biting
ladies and gentlemen
of bad friends family
Bad friends family
This is our good friend
Zach Townsend
Great comedian
Who
Hello everybody
Who opened for me
For a little while
What happened?
Wait
Yeah wait
What happened
He started closing
Oh you're a headliner
That's a headliner
Yeah
Well
Can't open anymore
When you're closing
I mean
You know your people
To run those stores
Right you can't close
if it's open.
You can't open if it's closed.
Exactly.
Yeah.
Zach is a phenomenal comic Nashville.
Although...
It is a good excuse.
If you don't want somebody
to open for you,
you pull them inside.
You're gonna.
Yeah, this is the first I'm here.
I thought I was still opening.
This pizza thing was a bit,
but I think this might actually have to go back.
Well, I figured you're gonna go hungry
for a little while,
so I was like, to give that man some pizzas.
Fuck.
Who opens for you now?
Anybody, but Zah.
Zach. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. I heard Catbird got a little thing from you. Catbird. We did
down. Catbird was awesome. Yeah, we did. Oh, you did Brea last weekend?
Idiot. Yeah, we did. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we did bray and I took Catbird and, and Zach. And Zach came
was Zach, yeah, Zach, yeah. Zach, yeah. How was Cat? Zach, yeah, ZAC, yeah. I got to change
your contact in my phone. Uh, Zach and Kat went down. Then Devontre Coleman comes with me when he can
when he's not, you know, blowing up this guy. Yeah. This guy just came from, tell him what you just did.
I just did
Come on
and tell it
tell it to them
the way you told me
I just did
I just did
I just did
comics unleashed
I don't
I want to work
at Domino
wow
I was Byron
comics unleashed for people
that don't know
it's a comedic institution
it's been around
for it's got to be
20 years
I mean right
how long has it been on TV
I was off for a while
ever
yeah
I mean genuinely
look it up
how long has been on
but Byron Allen
has been running this show
It's a round table of comics on couches and they, you know, you pitch your jokes and you get to run your bits.
It's been on for 19 years.
I was right there.
Who was on it with you today?
It was Guy Torrey from American history.
I love Guy so much.
He's great.
He's an old friend of mine.
Good friend.
Yeah.
I actually opened for him a couple times in Nashville.
Maybe you can open for him again because I'm done with you.
Who else?
And then two other people I don't remember their names, but they're nice.
No, be real.
No, they're nice.
You don't know their names, really?
I really don't know that.
One of them was Lori something.
Then the other guy was he had gray hair
I remember that
Oh gray hair
Yeah gray hair
Yeah gray hair
Yeah great hair
Wait didn't cat film with you
Wasn't she gonna film
She we all did different ones
But she's filming today I'm pretty sure
Those guys you know they do
Did you ever do comics unleashed
I've been asked
I never did it
I can't believe you and I were
Bob didn't have enough
We're the only headlanders
We're the only headliners that have never done
I didn't have enough what
No nothing
No say it
Say it
I said Bob didn't have enough bits
To do it
Oh
I was just joking
dude the look
the look of anger with a little bit of pizza on your mouth
fucking perfect
you know can I be honest
hit him hard
I don't give a shit he's not my
he's not mine anymore that hit me so hard
yeah like it's a
destroyer of friends well now why don't you go on comics
and let him prove him wrong right
you can prove him good one
why didn't you do it
I didn't feel that's not a format
for me
me either
me either
if I'm being honest.
There was never a point in my career that I thought I was going to be good on that show.
Yes, I never did late.
I only did Conan.
Conan was the only one I wanted to do because I loved Conan.
And I always wanted to do Letterman.
But by the time I had the balls put together, Letterman was gone.
And so Conan was my hero.
I wanted to do Conan.
I got on Conan and they were like, why don't you want to do other late night?
I was like, how much more shit are you going to fucking open?
How much more fucking shit are you going to open?
We have one more.
We do have one more
Let's hear it
Let's hear it
Yeah, thank you, right in the mic
God, these guys
This is how unprofessional the show is
They don't know to turn their mic down
When they're doing some dumb shit like that
But he'll do that for you
He'll come running like a little pipsqueak that he is
Get, go, get gone
Get gone!
God, I love that kid
He's the best.
He is my favorite.
No, but I only.
wanted to do Conan and then when they asked do the other ones I thought I'm gonna bomb on
that show did you bomb oh yeah I ate yeah I had a hard I was telling McCone outside I did like
three black jokes I did like three black I'm surprised even let me do them do them here let me hear
him well give me the premise I can do I know because you know yeah I did well the one that you know
that you like um the the the we're the only ones who know how to whisper oh yeah yeah yeah and then
then they then him and guy Tori were like I think I don't think they like got offended but
They were like, I made a joke about, like I said,
I have a lot of black friends you could tell by my shoes.
And after the joke, they were like, man, you really got,
that ain't black people with friends shoes, you know?
Yeah, it is.
They upped on me.
They upped on me.
They upped.
Yeah.
By the way, no white guy that wears Air Force Ones,
every white guy that wears Air Force ones is friends with black people.
It's almost a requirement when you buy them at Foot Locker,
they're like, let me see your phone.
And you've got to show them how many black friends you have.
And your phone's dead.
And you're like, can I charge my phone?
They're like, you definitely got my friend.
What is that cricket?
Why did you do it?
Because I'm just trying to say yes to a lot of things.
Oh, that's good.
Yeah.
Because Zach is a great comic and he needs more credits.
And the internet now is fucking flooded with a billion comics doing every clip.
And then he needs to fucking be a part of the system like everything else.
This is a credit, right?
It's a huge credit.
We're going to cut you out of those, I think.
No, no, no.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, fancy.
No bits.
I was kidding.
I'm a huge fan.
Yeah, yeah.
Wait, give me the other jokes you told.
Do it, do them, just so we can hear him.
Oh, I did, I said one about, like, I think true crime, like, you know, because it has to be clean, too, so it can't be as good as, but I said, like, you know, I think white crimes get investigated a little bit harder than black crimes, you know, just based off the names, they name these things.
Like, a white woman will go missing, and they'll call it, like, the 12-year disappearance of Sarah, and, like, a black guy gets murdered, and then just, like, the first 48 hours, you know?
That's a great job.
They wrap it up quick.
Yeah, yeah.
He liked that one.
Byron liked that one.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But he didn't like the black people.
Do the other one.
I said, I talked to, one of my black friends was telling me, I always chat EBT.
I'm just doing, I'm like Nick DePaolo now.
Yeah, do it.
Do it, Nick.
I said, I have a lot of black friends if you can't tell about, my black friend
told me the other day, he said, I don't trust white people because they're always telling secrets.
And I was like, I don't agree with that statement at all.
You know, I just think we're the only race that knows how to whisper.
it's a fantastic joke
and they pushed back on that
no I mean he just kind of like
they were kind of going after my shoes
and it felt like maybe that one
did you fire back at all
a little bit
yeah I said it
you said the end word
no no no no I said stop
stop guys
you nervous a little bit
it's not it's not it wasn't as nerve
it says I thought I was going to be
yeah well no because you
I mean at some point you know you got the
if you have all the weapons you're like
well I'm just going to swing
and then hopefully they hit.
And it's a live audience?
Yeah, yeah.
Are they alive?
I don't know.
I was like looking at someone.
I'm like, some of these people might be AI for real.
Like they're...
It's probably a lot of tweakers.
The reason why I don't like these types of shows is that it's so, it's not organic, right?
It's like, you mean, what are you going to say so I can lead up to it?
So the conversation is so fake.
Yeah, but that's every prompt on late night.
They do the same thing.
They prompt you.
Well, that's why I've never done them.
I, you know, I mean, yeah, I just can't do it.
Right. It's an old, it's an old format.
Yeah. But it's a car, Carson did it. It was the way that fucking Carson set up his show too.
I mean, there was way more improv back then.
But also there's a lot of dead air. If you watch old Carson, there's an awful lot of fucking dead air, wouldn't fly today.
Yeah.
Like, you know, there's moments of gaps where you're like, ooh, this is like valuable TV time.
Yeah.
But they need the prompts to keep the thing moving. I mean, Byron Allen, this guy, talk about proving all those conspiracy theories wrong.
He bought the weather, right?
Yeah.
He bought the weather.
The Jays can, yeah, the Jays control it, but he bought it.
Yeah.
They must have some sort of mutual agreement, right?
He distributes the Jays.
Right.
The Jays own it, but he distributes it.
Wow.
Okay, Byron, next week it's going to rain.
It's my company.
I can make it rain if I want to.
He acquired the Weather Channel.
Byron Allen bought the Weather Channel, a $300 million deal in 2018.
Wow.
And by the way, this guy's got $300 million to buy the fucking Weather Channel.
He paid this guy like $48 to go on TV.
TV today. Wow. What do they give you
for those? What do they give you for those live shows? There's a couple
hundred bucks. It wasn't a thousand, but
it wasn't, it wasn't 500.
Even my, we're at my house. Even my wife is like
$200.
You can't, that's what they give you. I was
like, TV's dead. They're killing
everyone. They're not giving anyone any money.
I'm not even sure what it is. I don't even
if Comics Unleash might be on the weather channel.
I don't know. I don't even know.
They didn't tell me like what network it's going to
It runs side by side with a fucking
Doppler alert. A Doppler alert.
That's nice though
That's nice that you got that
Under your belt
That's first literal TV credit
First literal TV credit
Yeah
Give it up for the boy
Huh
Come on
That's great
Bobby's still
Fuming from the Bitsle
Oh no
Yeah you are
Just tell them you are
Tell them you hate it
Yeah
I love it
You always tries to hit me
Whenever
No you
No
I give you gentle touches
Yeah
On the P
On the P
On the Pee
No
The other night
When I saw you at the store
I did side
Side
Gentle touches on your side
No
Yeah but you're always
I don't you're squirrels
mind you think that I'm gonna do something nefarious.
I think you're really strong.
Yeah, I am very strong.
I know, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's why I don't like.
He's got that strength.
Yeah, I got that strength, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, but if we always...
One extra chromosome.
Yeah, yeah.
And I, dude.
I will defeat all of you with a one.
And then, fight the others.
You know the star of the karate ghost.
The peanut butter falcon.
Hey, good
I like it
Keynot the but off hell could
Yeah
Who books the
How'd you get the show
On my management
Facebook
Oh
Answer an ad on fucking Facebook
They just put you on that thing
Yeah
You got bits
We should do it
What?
We should do it together
There's no way
Why?
I don't want to do it
It would be fun
We can make the request
It would have to be
Just me, you and Byron
and they would a hundred they're why would they not do that that be so funny that would be awesome
you're doing like family feud style and get like two more like bad friends and just do all four of you
i think that'd be fun yeah you can do all you guys don't bring up family feud we lost a flavor
yeah to this day if you if you were asked to do family feud right we did it no but it was my
family oh that well rub it in so no but no but they're going to ask you santino right would i be a
part of your five? No.
You know how mad at beef? I wasn't
the buff one? He wants to win.
Well, you didn't get many answers right.
I'm going for skill.
Tactics. Who would be on your family?
Dude, imagine who would they put me up against, by the way?
They put you up against flavor, flame. So they're doing, like, who they think.
Yeah, that's right. What is it about?
I'm Asian flavor flave?
Dude, they're in the meeting room. They're like, all right, check it out.
Yeah, yeah.
Who's Bobby Lee's perfect counterpart?
Who's like, who's like a black, Bobby League?
Yeah, yeah.
Flavor, Flake.
Yeah.
Who would I have as my family?
It would be me, you, my sister.
My wife, my mom, or my dad wouldn't want to do it.
Maybe my dad, my sister, definitely.
Me, you, my sister.
Yeah.
Who should be really good.
See, I'd be tactical.
You weren't tactical.
What do you mean?
I chose the wrong person.
Esther.
Me, you, my sister
Raul, my landscaper
That'd be funny
He's fucking amazing
Now he's so funny
That'd be so funny
Raul and
Brian Holtsman
Just because I feel like him and Steve
would have a battle
Yeah
Holtzman would be funny
Hilaria
It'd be so funny to watch him scream
And Steve Harvey
I mean they would fucking hate each other
That's like two opposite energies
Yeah
I would next time I do it
If I ever do it
I would choose the team
That would win
Yeah we will
We'll get a little team together
I don't know
They're never gonna ask me
I'm with you
I'm your plus one
They don't want me
They're gonna ask you
They don't want me
Please ask them
Because I need redemption
I'd rather go on
I'd rather go on Wheel of Fortune
Oh I'd be bad at that game
What you guess letters
I'm not good at
Fucking easiest game
It's not Jeopardy
Yeah
Zach's got one more day
here in Los Angeles. We sent him around. We did almost everything with the boy. Yeah.
Then he goes back to Nashville to his girlfriend who he loves. Mm. Yeah. Just got himself a new
house. Yeah. It's incredible. Thanks, Bob. Amazing. You did it. You helped. Oh. Yeah. I extorted
money from you. Harlow. I'm the Mexican gangster. Oh, I see. Yeah, you better buy my open or a fucking
house, eh? And your girlfriend lives with you? Yeah. Yeah. I would hope so. They bought a house together.
Oh, together. She's paying for some of the mortgage? Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's why we're doing it. This is a
light so this is a life partner yeah probably yeah unless yeah yeah I mean how long
he would've been dating unless she finds out what I did in my uh comics unleashed trailer yeah but
but how long I mean how long had you been dating with her for like three three years okay
that's a good enough time yeah she's red yeah yeah she's she's very good looking she's cool
she's smart she's way better than Zach it's one of those things where it's annoying when
you're like oh the partner is more superior but and then you sometimes wonder is he holding her
hostage. Yeah, he's Shrecken.
You're Shrekken. Wait, what? Yeah, you're Shrekkin hard.
A new slang. A new slang term for the dating trend of intentionally dating someone you
consider to be less attractive than yourself. I hope that they'll treat you better.
Yeah, that's pretty spot on. That's actually like, that's almost like whoever made this
knows me and my girlfriend.
So what's your dream here? What do you want on of this business?
I want to. I want him out of business.
What is it?
Just to be as successful as you guys, really.
Yeah.
Never!
Yeah, shoot for the moon, right?
And if not.
Was that a shot?
He does this all the time.
Let me tell you something, pal.
Let me tell you something, pal.
We have your replacement.
We casted him.
The fans answered.
He was a hit.
He was a hit.
Was he not a hit?
Yes.
Yeah, yeah.
And he's a hit and you're a what?
What?
You're a lump.
A miss.
A miss.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, you're ahead.
I love you.
I love you.
Stop.
Stop.
It goes bumping the night.
Karate ghost coming this fall.
Do we know when it comes out?
No, I don't know.
Do Karate Ghost release date.
Wait, what is this?
He's in a movie called Karate Ghost.
It's going to be awesome.
January 31st, 2023.
It already came out.
You filmed it after it came out.
That's how good the movie looked.
It came out.
Was there another karate ghost?
How?
How on fucking earth is there more than one of them?
We did the remake?
Here's the one you're in with Belushi.
Set in a town ruled by an absurd karate law.
The film watches a lonely teen form an unlikely bomb
with the ghost of his late father's favorite action hero.
Yeah.
Are you, you're just a local, you're not one of the, are you the ghost?
No, no, no, I play a sensei.
And that's why.
Yeah, I know.
And that's why, the question you just asked me five minutes ago.
Yeah.
Who was it, Daniel Day Kim?
Yeah.
That's why we are not Daniel Day Kim.
I know.
Because you played a sensei.
I know.
And I'm in the magic movie for four heartbeats.
Yeah.
They make me disappear.
Yeah.
Zach, close out the show by saying thanks for being a bad friend into your camera.
Thanks for being a bad friend.
Everybody.
Duh.
That was terrible.
Hey, everybody.
Thanks for being a bad friend.
