Bad Friends - Eskimo Kiss Thanksgiving

Episode Date: November 24, 2025

Get MORE Bad Friends at our Patreon!! https://www.patreon.com/c/badfriends Thank you to our Sponsors: Dominos, Displate, Rocket Money, DraftKings, Shopify • Dominos: Order now at https://dominos....com • Displate is celebrating Black Friday with the biggest discounts EVER - no better time to grab your Holiday gifts and save up to 46%! https://displate.com/l/badfriends • Rocket Money: Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to https://RocketMoney.com/BADFRIENDS today. • DraftKings: Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app NOW and use code BADFRIENDS. • Shopify: Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at https://shopify.com/badfriends YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube Audio Subscribe: https://apple.co/31Jsvr2 Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com 0:00 Eskimo Kisses 4:20 Predator: Badlands 10:00 Daddy Why You Die? 17:00 Carlos vs Gangsters 25:00 Missing Person 30:00 War with Howie Mandel 37:00 Don't Pester a Sleeping Man 45:00 Chat EBT 50:00 Comics Unleashed 55:00 Family Feud Round 2 1:00:00 Shreking & Dreams More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbylee.live More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Fancy SOS VHS: https://www.youtube.com/@7EQUIS Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fancyb.1 More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: 7EQUIS https://www.7equis.com/ Podcast Producer: Andrés Rosende This video contains paid promotion. #bobbylee #andrewsantino #badfriends #sponsored #ad Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 When you're flying Emirates business class, sampling our range of vintage wines from the largest selection in the skies, you'll see that your vacation isn't really over until your flight is over. Fly Emirates, fly better. Hey, everybody, we got new merch and these, I mean, this is, this was a traumatic day in my life. Yeah, really well. When I fell over and I was bullied a little bit online, but from Andrew, but, you know, but this, yeah, you laugh like a hyena. But let me say something, we have it on a shirt now. And we have it on a long sleeve, on a short sleeve like that, and on this hoodie, which we absolutely love.
Starting point is 00:00:38 So go to badfriendsmerch.com to grab at bad friendsmerch.com. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots. A white dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. Oh, you two or something. We're bad friends. Dear Lord, thank you for the familiars.
Starting point is 00:01:05 Thank you for the meal on my plate. I'm grateful to you. Thank you, natives, for all of the land. We gave you casinos. Cut off your hands. Sorry about the smallpox. The things that we gave you The blanket was nice
Starting point is 00:01:32 But it fooled with disease Sorry Sorry natives Whoops are bad Yeah That's Thanksgiving Sorry natives Woopsie are bad
Starting point is 00:01:52 We really did a lot of damage and we named our sports teams after your leaders. Love dances with wolves. I love Lassau Mohicans. Favorite movies of all time. And Minnetonka shoes. Amen.
Starting point is 00:02:13 Amen. Amen to that. Amen to that. Yeah. We love them. You know, I've collaborated with some natives in my life. Yeah, you did great on that. I really enjoyed.
Starting point is 00:02:25 I really enjoy the people and the culture and we want to say thank you. We do love all of our native fans. We do have a lot of native fans. We love Hmong. I know that's not native. Mong is not native. I understand that, but we do love them.
Starting point is 00:02:41 We love the Hmong people. Yeah, the Hmong people. They're mountain people. We love, there isn't a group of people we don't like. No, there's one. What? You stay at first. We really? Really? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Okay, let me think.
Starting point is 00:02:55 of the thing. What group of people don't we like on the count of three? One, two, three. Eskimos. Oh. What? What did you say?
Starting point is 00:03:04 Jerks. Oh, jerks. Jerks. I said Eskimos. Oh, wow. Why don't you like Eskimos? They're snowballs. They hurt so bad because you know what they do is they
Starting point is 00:03:13 They huck them? No, no, they make it and then they overnight it freezes into an ice ball. Oh, yeah. And they read it's very, there he is. Come on, look at how cute that guy. They're the best. Oh, that's a girl?
Starting point is 00:03:22 That's a girl. I can't even tell. Yeah, yeah, yeah. See, Eskimos, they were ahead of the trend. Yeah. That's a gender, that is a fluid person. It's a fluid. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:29 I don't know who that is. Look at that nose. They love to kiss with the nose. Eskimo kisses. Yeah. You want to do an Eskimo kiss? Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.
Starting point is 00:03:44 No, happy Thanksgiving. Yeah. I mean, how do they tongue? I mean, that's it, right? There's no way to get more, you know, because when you're kissing, thing, right? You can, you know, you do clothes mouth from the beginning,
Starting point is 00:03:57 you kind of figure out what their style is, and then you dart in the tongue, and sometimes you do, you know what I mean, like washing machine. Dart in. Well, it's like wrestling.
Starting point is 00:04:06 You've got to find a way. You can't, yeah. How is that working out? That technique. It works. It's pretty good. Probably 10,000 times
Starting point is 00:04:14 I've done it, right? Most of them have. But with Eskimo, how do you get more, you know, intimate with it? Well, they have sex, bud.
Starting point is 00:04:23 Damn, I'm just out of the kissing style. Oh, brother, I don't think Eskimo actually... Maybe they blow... Maybe they blow snot into the other hole. That's actually smart. Yeah. It could be. Cool.
Starting point is 00:04:34 I just saw Predator Badlands. Dude, that movie, dude, last night? What a movie. So good. So good. But the movie is... Because you never watch... You never watch the movies I recommend.
Starting point is 00:04:50 Like, you never sell weapons. I couldn't. Why? I wasn't allowed Yeah, yeah It's rated R Yeah, but I am not allowed
Starting point is 00:04:57 Would you, what Predator movies have you seen? The original That's the only one That's the best one Did you see Prey? No Prey?
Starting point is 00:05:06 Incredible, same director I've only seen the original You gotta watch Prey You gotta watch this It's incredible You saw it? Yeah Incredible right
Starting point is 00:05:12 So funny What do you think it's about? Tell me? Predator Badland? Yeah, yeah Well, give me a photo Give me an image And I can tell you story
Starting point is 00:05:18 Yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah You're very good at this by the This is probably One of my best quality Yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah let's go to yeah that one that photo oh it's about immigration yeah yeah this is all about immigration yeah but it's the reverse right yeah I mean because in this time America's
Starting point is 00:05:38 going real bad yeah and Mexico's thriving right so yeah yeah what one is the Mexican fancy watch it fancy watch it yeah and right there you know know where there are el paso right there that's el paso yeah and they're trying to get into waras right you're right so he to make it easier he slices her in half no it just rips her body off yeah yeah in half well because that's probably easier to get her across yeah and her name is karen for some reason yeah why i don't know why but her name is karen and she's like you know what um hey raoul or yeah that's raoul yeah yeah whatever your name is this is one of her lines you You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, dude, I'm not like climbing any fences. Okay, I'm not going to go in any body of water. Find a way. Is that L. Manning? Yeah, she's great at it. This girl is so fucking good. She's so good. She's good in everything now. Yeah, yeah. It's almost like her career has flourished the most the last like five years, right? Complete unknown. She was killed in there. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. And who's the actor playing The Predator? Is that Jacob Allorty again? No, he's, I've never seen him before, but he's very.
Starting point is 00:06:49 good at it. So this is the problem. Look at that. Zoom in. Look at all handsome this guy is. Then they put him in that mask. Right. So you don't even get to see how handsome he is. Yeah. So pick an ugly guy for this. This is my problem with Hollywood. Just let an Ogo do that. You can't give that to us. It's in a mask. Well, you have to have the body. No, you don't. What do you mean? It's just a fucking suit. No, he's not wearing a I mean, he's wearing like probably latex stuff onto the arms. You're telling me that's, let me see the full body. You can see the armor behind him. Can I give you the premise or
Starting point is 00:07:16 know. It's not about immigration, I guess. Is that was wrong? Yeah. I think you're a little wrong. I think the premise of this is, um, Predator. Okay. Be real.
Starting point is 00:07:30 I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. So Predator is, um, there's a new regime taking over and he is against it. He's like the renegade and she is, he falls in love with her and he's trying to protect her because they're going to kill, they're going to kill her. She's white.
Starting point is 00:07:47 They're killing off all the Karens. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The killing of the Karens. And he loves her. And he says the only way for this to work is if I cut you in half, I'll reassemble you later. Yeah. Because they need to think you're dead. And now they're on the run.
Starting point is 00:08:00 He's reassembled her and they're on the run from the regime. Pretty close. Am I close? Nope. All right. What is it? What is it? Should I be real about it?
Starting point is 00:08:11 I don't want to give any spoilers away. Well, you don't have to spoil it when you give the premise of the movie. I'll give you the premise of the movie. What is that? So he's, you know, here's what I like about the movie, right? You never get insight in terms of the culture of whoever the predators are, right? Do you see the movie? I haven't seen it.
Starting point is 00:08:29 You're talking like the original predator. Right. You just, it's just some alien who can camouflage, you know what I mean? Cool weapons and they're difficult to kill. I mean, that's pretty much all the predator movies. And now in this, you see, you know, the family dynamics. of the predator family of the predator family
Starting point is 00:08:48 and it's very North Korean I believe yeah yeah is he the young is that young predator like is he the baby of the family he's the baby of family and because he's smaller than all his brothers
Starting point is 00:08:59 right he's dating a white girl yeah yeah yeah like man look a predator can't get himself a nice no he's gay you know all all gay minorities have like
Starting point is 00:09:09 this white girl that's like sticking up for them oh right yeah like yeah the yautch It's called the Yautja. Yeah, and so basically he's the run, and the father is like he needs to die because he's a shame on the family.
Starting point is 00:09:25 Ah. Right? So he, the little Yautja goes, well, can I go to this planet to kill this monster that no one can kill? Because they like to hunt. Right. And the father's like, you can't kill that.
Starting point is 00:09:38 I'm afraid of it. Oh, wow. Right? And he goes to this, he goes to this planet Badlands, I don't know what the planet's called, and that's where the movie's... That's the beginning of the film. And she's, she works for a corporation.
Starting point is 00:09:53 She works for like Black Rock? Yes, sort of like Black Rock, but she's an, you know, an android, and she was split in half from that creature. So she's a humanoid. She's half human, half... No, she's fully android. Oh, she's no human at all.
Starting point is 00:10:06 There's no humans in the movie. Should be. A really good movie. So it's worth it, though. Yeah, can you do this? I just, before I can get... I'll get this off my... chest real quick um can you stop um telling me to send me uh send you my my dead dead photos
Starting point is 00:10:22 what are you talking i was in mexico with some friends yeah so one in the morning this guy calls me he goes yo he goes send me photos of your dead dad i go why he's like my friends want to see it i was telling the story uh uh i was telling the story of how this podcast was kind of birthed. And at the beginning what had happened with your dad and how daddy while you die became a thing. And then one of the guys was like, that's crazy though, the picture thing. And he's, and he was like, that's not real though. I was like, that's very real. Yeah. And he was like, no. I go, okay. And I called you. I was like, will you send me a picture of your dead dad? Yeah. And they showed it to him what happened? By the way, this guy's a big star. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:06 Well, I sent it to everybody. Really? I air dropped it to all of them. They all have it now. They're going to blow one up and put it in their house. So what, when you showed it to him, what happened? I was a king of the party for a couple minutes. Yeah. Did they laugh or? Everyone was shocked. It wasn't as funny as I thought it was going to be. Obviously.
Starting point is 00:11:22 Yeah, yeah. It's not funny. Well, the second photo of your dad is weirder because one of them is like a selfie with your dad. And the other one, your mom's crying. But you're straightforward. Yeah, yeah. No, I'm not in that photo. The second one you're in.
Starting point is 00:11:37 Yeah, but that was like a camera setup that the timer thing. So funny. And that I had to run around, which is always, you know. Imagine you set up. the timer and your dad's body moves a little bit and you're like, hold on, set it again. Yeah, yeah. But the first one I sent you is the most tragic one
Starting point is 00:11:52 because right when my dad dies, I catch my mom crying. And my brother's just like, he makes a face that he's like. Yeah, he's in shock. Yeah, he's in shock. That's Steve shock. Yeah, and it's a brutal photo.
Starting point is 00:12:06 But I like that you sent it and I appreciate you. I needed to show everyone to... Well, you ruined whatever party you were at, I think. Pretty hard. Yeah. It was pretty bad. Nobody liked it. No, they loved it.
Starting point is 00:12:16 No, they loved it. They thought it was funny. Yeah. Well, when I sent it to the Hudson's, they didn't like it, remember? That's weird they didn't like it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was in Mexico. You got to show something fun in Mexico.
Starting point is 00:12:24 We were scared in Mexico. Right, right, right. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Walking the streets of Mexico. Yeah. Late at night, now you're getting some tacos? Mm.
Starting point is 00:12:35 I love Mexico. Is it good tacos? So good. Tell me about the tacos. Oh. And we, and beera? Beerah. Beerra.
Starting point is 00:12:45 What is that? And they were shaving it off in front of you. I was like, oh, God, dude, it was so good. Oh, I love when they do that. When they shave it. And the cheese is on tops. They cut a little slice of cheese, throw it in there. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:56 The guy was a fucking magician. And then the little woman next in was handmaking tortillas. Oh, dude. It's so good. I love Mexico. My mouth is watering. It's so delicious. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:07 Right off. What town? What town are you in? Right off the spit. That's the town? Spit Mexico. No, I'm sorry. Flore is it?
Starting point is 00:13:15 It's called no ice. Nice? No ice. Oh, no ice. Noice. No ice Mexico. No ice. It was called no ice Mexico.
Starting point is 00:13:26 Nice. No, we were in Cabo. You're in Cabo. Cabo is fun. Yeah, it's fun. Cabo is so fucking rad. And it's actually, I haven't been in like a decade. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:35 Loved. Really? Oh, dude, I love Cabo. Yeah. Although the ocean. I've been to Touloum. Touloum's great. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:42 You know, I'm always afraid in a foreign country. Why? Because they're going to steal my like organs. I don't know why I have that fear, but like I'm going to wake up. You look like them. They don't want you. I was going to say something like that. No, that's not the right.
Starting point is 00:13:56 No, I'm going to argue against that. Like your liver's American has like... No, no, no, no. I don't know if they want your organs, man. Like in Mexico, they would be like, hey, this guy, you know, he has the same kind of body we do. Maybe his liver will fit in Uncle Pedro's body. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:14:13 You know what I mean? With yours is like, no, this one is going to be too big for Uncle Pedro. Too big. Yeah. It's like five times more too big. He's not going to be able to get in there. He has a lump on the side like, is, Santino's pancreas. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:27 They don't want a tumor, yeah. Yeah, but they're not going to go. $50 like, you know, $2,000. A couple grand. Yeah, yeah. What? Yeah. My liver is $50.
Starting point is 00:14:35 No way. His liver's worth way more than mine. Yes. I have a bunch of alcohol running through mine. They don't know that by looking. Well, he's got a GLP one in his, though. Yeah. You've got.
Starting point is 00:14:42 They'll lose weight. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Take your organs to lose weight? Yeah, there's benefits for my organs. On the black market, a human liver can be worth anywhere from 50 grand to 550,000. That's what I'm saying. Vote down below, fans.
Starting point is 00:14:54 What's our liver work? Yeah. Winner, winner, check, and dinner. We have finally have a winner of the Great British Baking Show this season. I didn't see it, finish it. I have two more. Can I guess, though? Yeah, I'm excited for the guess.
Starting point is 00:15:09 It's that tall, good-looking gay guy. Interesting. You know who I'm talking about? Of course. Yeah. He's so keen. He looks like a surfer. But I'm not going to tell you yes or no.
Starting point is 00:15:19 Oh, you know? Well, you want to know. It's either him or the lady that has no hair. Okay. The bald lady. She's not bald. She's not bald. She's not bald.
Starting point is 00:15:34 She's not like a Midwest dad. It could have been a fashion thing. No, no. Well, she talks about it almost every episode that she has alopecia. Oh, really? They very clear. Here's why I don't know that. about it every...
Starting point is 00:15:43 Can I tell you why? Because you fast forward through the whole thing to get to the very end? No, I just fast forward during the judging parts. Of course. That's the most important part.
Starting point is 00:15:50 Right. So I don't know of the back story like, you know, they follow them back. Yeah, you're not invested in that. Yeah, I'm not invested in that. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:59 I love it. Yeah, but anyway, is it either one of those two? Is it? Maybe. I think so. Okay. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:07 You're going to find out in the next two days. I might not watch it. Tell me. It's jazz. That's great. She's awesome. Yeah, she's awesome.
Starting point is 00:16:14 For the fans that haven't watched it yet, too bad. Well, you know, this is... I mean, it's been out for a couple. This is my test show with dating. Oh, this show? Yeah. What do you mean? So, you know, sometimes when the first time
Starting point is 00:16:28 somebody would spend the night at my house, it's a test show. Right. So I'll go, I'll go, you watch Bagel? I'm like, what is it? I go, I'm watching episodes of my favorite shows. And half a during it,
Starting point is 00:16:40 sometimes I'll go, or they'll fall asleep. And then you can't trust them. I can't do it. See, when I was dating, I always put on American History X. That was my... That was your sleep? Well, when girls would come over,
Starting point is 00:16:53 I go, what do you think? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And if they really got in, you know, then if they were into it. There's a couple of movies I would show girls when I was dating to make sure that they were kind of like... Mine's a clock of orange.
Starting point is 00:17:02 That's good. Very good. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, American Psycho, kind of like some easy watching stuff. Yeah. Stuff that's like... Yeah.
Starting point is 00:17:10 Do you like that? That is really interesting when you start dating a girl. What do you show her first to see if she's on your wavelength of either music or film? I don't think girls like that. What?
Starting point is 00:17:18 Music and film? No, it gives them the ick when guys are like, you have to watch these three things or I don't like you. You don't say it. I know, but they know you're doing it. No, but it's a...
Starting point is 00:17:30 No, you think they don't? They know. No. It's a test. I'm on gay Instagram. I know this. No, no, no. Here's the thing.
Starting point is 00:17:37 Can I say it? All right? It's your show. Oh, okay. Thank you. I'm a producer. All right. Damn, dude, he's Tootie Rudy.
Starting point is 00:17:44 Dude, you're Tootie Rudy. You got Rudy, Tutti, Fuggy. Yeah, I don't like it, dude. Or a little meanie-weenie. What's going on with you today? I'm not meanie. What happened this morning? What did you do this morning?
Starting point is 00:17:53 I had a bad night. A girl texted me last night. Like, I'm never talking to you again and all this stuff. I was like, what could have happened? Did you sleep with her? Yeah. That's probably what happened. No, she texted me sex, Y or N, and I wrote N.
Starting point is 00:18:07 And then she got really mad and two days later. Why N? Why N? Why N? Because I was watching F1 and then after that I watched Top Gun
Starting point is 00:18:14 and I didn't want to be into it It was a great race Yeah No no no no The movie with Brad Pitt Oh I thought you're talking about F1 that just happened
Starting point is 00:18:21 No no no I was watching movies And I didn't want to deal with it And then a couple days later Wait a minute You could Okay Well yeah dude
Starting point is 00:18:26 I think the response I've done that The response is not The response is not end The response is I would love to I can't now No I lied
Starting point is 00:18:35 Instead I was out of town And everything It was a whole thing You did like my grandma died again I said I was in Nashville partying. I made like a really... Can we go back to...
Starting point is 00:18:43 Again, it's your show. Yeah, yeah, you know, I work. I can tell he was flustered, though. I did, I... You want to know the truth? I got extorted twice in the past five weeks. What do you mean? Extorted.
Starting point is 00:18:54 By whom? Once a gangster and another a girl. Tell me the gangster extortion. I got a call from a gangster and he was like, give me all this money, or I'm going to leak all this stuff about you online. And then he texted me on WhatsApp, saying they were going to come to my house.
Starting point is 00:19:08 I had to call the police. so it was a whole thing. I think McCone knows. Yeah, he called me. Yeah, I called him. So I was like, I'd take like Xanax. I was like freaking out. It was crazy.
Starting point is 00:19:17 Oh, that's terrible. Barying the fucking lead. Where the fuck is this? It's so real. It was too real. He didn't want to talk about it. Wait a minute. So how does somebody get your phone number?
Starting point is 00:19:25 And what do they have to leak about you? Like, do you have nudes? I think they thought I was married still. No, I don't have nudes on the internet or anything. You're even on my phone for this reason. And they threatened to leak your information. The word gangster is a little suspect. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:36 Some troll. No, it was like a Mexican Was it a Yakuza? No, it was like a Mexican dude If you don't Give me a money If a Mexican dude Threatens to like harm you
Starting point is 00:19:49 That's a gangster Oh so it was a Mexican dude You heard his voice Yeah, he like read me my address Oh give me the voice I can't do the voice Yeah, yeah I can't
Starting point is 00:19:58 Wow, all right So it was a guy that you actually heard his voice Yes And he wouldn't let me hang up It was all the tells of someone So you got through it You got extorted by a gangster and then extorted by someone else?
Starting point is 00:20:08 I mean, you're so extortable. A girl I went out with three years ago texting me a couple weeks ago with like an Apple pay request for like a couple grand. And she was like, give me this or I'm going to leak gossip about you online. And I don't know what that really means.
Starting point is 00:20:24 One time on Tiger Belly, I said, black people are oily. I remember that. Yeah, you remember that? I don't even know what that means. I just said it, right? Yeah. And so then this black lady
Starting point is 00:20:36 my direct message is like if you don't give me this amount of money I'm going to put this out into the world I go I just sit it on my pot you know what I'm already out it's already out like what they're trying to use what I said already that I said out loud against me
Starting point is 00:20:51 I'm like it's already on the internet do you get Venmo requests oh I do yeah yeah you don't you put your name on there I don't put my name on there oh that's right yeah on Venmo you're like asking for them to ask for money yeah I read their stories though
Starting point is 00:21:05 Dominoes. Listen, you know what? They have stepped up their game. Well, they got specialty pizzas. That's the big thing. You know, it's not the old school. That's my favorite word. Specialty? Yes, dude. Or pizza?
Starting point is 00:21:20 Both. You like specialty pizzas. Here's one. This is the spicy chicken bacon ranch. Look at that thing. That's got chicken. That's got jalapenos. That thing is so good, dude.
Starting point is 00:21:30 And it's got mozzarella. 100% real matzo finished off with a drizzle of buffalo sauce. You love buffalo. Oh yeah, what about this? What about this one? What's that? What about this? We had the extravaganza.
Starting point is 00:21:41 Excurvaganza. And I already ate a piece. It was delicious. And you know what's in this, dude? Pepperoni, ham. Love. Italian sausage, beef, love.
Starting point is 00:21:48 Fresh onions, fresh green peppers, fresh mushrooms, and black olives all sandwiched between two layers of provolone, provolone, and cheese made with 100% real mozzarella. Dude, I'll have another bite. Why not? Do a fold two over? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:22:01 Oh, extravaganza. Extravaganza. They got the spicy chicken bacon ranch, the people's pizza deluxe, that of Stravaganza, and the meatza. The meat's the pizza has all the meats you could ever do. Let me guess. Pepperoni. Got it. Ham.
Starting point is 00:22:15 Got it. There's no way they have Italian sausages as well. You better believe they have that and beef and it's all sandwich between two layers of provolone and cheese. 100% real mozzarella. Pizza pizza pizza. Do you like pizza? We know you do. We like pizza.
Starting point is 00:22:29 And if you're looking to order some pizza, you got some friends over. You watch in the game or you're playing a video game or you're hanging out. out in the game of life. I'll grab yourself some dominoes. Draft King Sportsbook. Do you know what the three T's of Thanksgiving are? No. Turkey for eating, table for gathering, and touchdowns for winning with
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Starting point is 00:25:00 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like when they, they're long. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My uncle Louis lost his toe, you know what I mean? And he's now living at my house. My kids haven't eaten two days. I mean, it goes on and on.
Starting point is 00:25:12 And I'll just have like a moment. Have you ever given money to a stranger like that? No. I'll have a moment and I'm like, oh, anyway. And I'll just talk about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they are very sad and my heart goes out to them. Well, I don't read the request. That's insane.
Starting point is 00:25:26 Okay. You start, you're going to, because at some point you might get, maybe you will get suckered into. doing it yeah and who knows how honest that is yeah see to me i remember as a kid you know when someone's like don't give that homeless guy money he's fucking gonna use it for drugs or whatever and then the old joke is like i'm gonna use it for drugs or whatever you know yeah but i always give them money because they're out there asking if you have the balls to ask i give you some money yeah but the internet who knows if they're fucking with you on the street it's like yeah dude
Starting point is 00:25:57 you here have some fucking money yeah i mean yeah i've had ex-girlfriends ask for money yeah what's the most yeah that is well no it's not it's not that they ask for money they're just saying can i have money but if they say give me money or else like girls i had seen like for four months or whatever and it's like and they just they're just out you know it's tough out there and that i i can't say no no what's the most amount of money you've given something oh they're not much like you know i mean like uh an electrical bill oh yeah yeah that's actually a clever i'll pay your bill yeah i'll pay you their bill yeah i'll give you cash no no i give i i've Venmo, whatever the electrical bill is, I don't give them.
Starting point is 00:26:33 They're not using that for the electrical. Whatever the thing is. Sure. Yeah, yeah. By the way, electrical bill is such a random. Do you pay my trash water and power? Yeah. Remember, I gave you head one time.
Starting point is 00:26:46 You owe me trash water power. So you've never loaned a stranger money. I don't loan friends money either. You don't? No, what I will do is give you money. It's not a loan. I refuse. And I learned this years ago from an older gentleman
Starting point is 00:27:01 and said, don't ever loan people money. You either give it to them or you don't. Right. It will not come back. It should not come back. It does not exist. Yeah. So do not loan.
Starting point is 00:27:10 It'll ruin a friendship. It will. Yeah. I would give a friend money before I'd ever be like, I want it back. Yeah. You get one, though. No, you get one. Yeah, you get one.
Starting point is 00:27:20 Better be good. Yeah, it better be a good one. Or I get people work. That's, if somebody says to me, I need money, I'll get them a job. I'll find them a job to get them money. Yeah. Because then it's easier to go, how about I cook you up with something and that I'll give you money.
Starting point is 00:27:32 Yeah. You know what I mean? I just did. I did a gig. I didn't want to fucking do just so someone else would get paid. I had this girl. It's too dark, though.
Starting point is 00:27:41 I can't. Give it. Give it, please. There was this girl that I met 25 years ago, and she's very hot. But she's like, I need money to,
Starting point is 00:27:52 I need money. I don't have any money. I go, you can clean my apartment. So she would, once a week, twice a week, come over to clean my apartment.
Starting point is 00:27:58 Oh, no. What? And you hooked up with her? Yeah. This is a Seinfeld episode Yeah Then I mean One day I was taking a nap
Starting point is 00:28:05 While she was cleaning And then I wake up And she's literally in my bed And I'm like Oh my God This is amazing And then we started seeing each other And then
Starting point is 00:28:13 Months later she disappears Stop cleaning huh What? Stop cleaning What I mean When she started sucking She stopped cleaning Yeah yeah
Starting point is 00:28:21 And then The place was a mess And then I would get calls for her mom Like have you seen this person Are you being serious? I'm being serious She went missing She went missing
Starting point is 00:28:31 She cleaned herself out of existence. You weren't a suspect? What? You weren't a suspect. No. Key, key suspect. No. Yeah, I mean.
Starting point is 00:28:39 And then months after that, I get a call and they found her in an abandoned house. I'm not kidding you. In a bathtub completely naked with heroin holes all of her arm. And she had OD'd. How dirty was your house? She'd rather do. heroin than clean your
Starting point is 00:29:05 fucking house yeah yeah she'd rather damn you know Polly's like pretending to be mad at us I know this whole bit it's bullshit you should pretend like you're fucking mad at the guy I'm not mad at them
Starting point is 00:29:14 because you don't want to start a false war with a false person that's an old proverb my dad my grandfather used to sell me never start war with a fake person fake person yeah yeah never start the fake war with a fake person yeah yeah that should be on
Starting point is 00:29:30 everyone's wall. That's right next to live, laugh, love. So everyone listening, Polly's trying to start a fake war with us. There's no tension. Okay. When we see... No, this is the game we play. No, it's fine. I thought you wanted to play. No, we're not playing the game. All right, go ahead. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You never play with it. Now this will start a real war with Polly. He'll be mad that you
Starting point is 00:29:47 did this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So here's the deal, okay? I don't know what he's trying to do, but he's trying to start something. We're not even aware of it. We don't... Whenever we see him, it's all hugs and kisses. He's taking a note from the book of Howie Mandel. Oh, Howie Mandel. Yeah. It's how he loves this kind of bullshit. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:30:02 Yeah, yeah, yeah. He loves it. Yeah, and then Mandel, the last time I saw him like four days ago, apologized profusely for the, remember him waking me up incident? Oh, yeah. We talked about that, right? Did we never talk about it on the show? No.
Starting point is 00:30:17 Oh, I'll tell everyone this is what happened. This is my war with Howie Mandel. This is real. Well, it's not a war anymore. Inside still a little. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:26 So I did this movie. you know and um it was like all the scenes are with me and howie and a lot of people are in it but um and so um this jim's movie no no no no not karate ghost it's not karate ghost no i'm so excited for that to come out shame steve howie's in it already goes where are you going Oh, good. Please. Stop.
Starting point is 00:31:02 Show yourself. All right, all right. Show yourself. Did you feel that? All right. Go ahead. Anyway, and so we're both chefs in this movie. Anyway, so we're working all day.
Starting point is 00:31:23 We're on every fucking scene. And also it was two days of, You know, you, will you stop with the karate goes, man?
Starting point is 00:31:36 Don't look happy on set. Did you hear something? That's a spoiler, man. Stop that. Take it down. So, two days straight,
Starting point is 00:31:47 like five in the morning call time and also me and highway in every scene. Yeah. And it's like, we would rap like at midnight. It was fucking tough.
Starting point is 00:31:57 So, One, the next day, we did like five scenes in a row all day, which I'm not complaining. It's just, that's how movies are. It's just long days. They're long days. And I, and finally, somebody goes, listen, you're not in the next couple of scenes so you can rest. And I was like, whenever that they say that, I'm like, yes. I love that.
Starting point is 00:32:16 So in this studio that we're at, there's like this corner of this studio where it's kind of away from everything. And there's like this long couch, right? And I'm like, yeah. And it's completely dark kind of. to. So I'm like, I was eyeing it all day. I was like, that's where I'm going to take my nap. Right? So I, you know, I curl up and I fall asleep. Completely asleep. About 20 minutes later, I feel something in my ear. Okay? And I'm like, you know, you know, trying to... Wax. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I kind of look up and there is
Starting point is 00:32:52 a 90-year-old background actress. Mm-hmm. All right. She has her bony, white finger inside my ear, dude. And I go, what the fuck? Right? And I look at her. And then I look beyond her.
Starting point is 00:33:11 And there's Howie Mendel with a camera shooting it. It's funny. It is? It's funny. It's insane, but it's very funny. Right. Yeah. But it's not okay.
Starting point is 00:33:21 It's not okay. But it's very funny. So I kind of get up. I go, lady, get the fuck out of here. Right? That's not what you said to her. What'd I say? Because you called me, you said, who the fuck, who are you?
Starting point is 00:33:32 Yeah, yeah, I mean, yeah. You were like, who the fuck are you? Who the fuck are you? And Howie starts laughing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she turns to him to like validate. Validate that to Hughes his fault. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:33:41 Right. And so I look at Howie and I go, dude, don't do that again, man. What the fuck are you doing? It's insane. He said, we're having fun. We're not laughing. You know what I mean? Just a bit.
Starting point is 00:33:53 Right. So they all leave. Yeah. I go back to sleep. right then I feel right my hand is wet and it's in warm water okay it's in warm water right and then I open my eyes
Starting point is 00:34:12 Howie Mendel has my hand in a bucket of warm water because he was trying to get me to pee yes in my sleep yes and I went ape shit I went fucking nuclear on him it's very funny I'm sorry yeah I go fuck out I'm never working with you again I went snap because I was so tired
Starting point is 00:34:32 right and you know what I mean and I just had reached my breaking point blew up on Howie to the point where in the next scene the director had to come up to us and go hey you guys okay because this isn't working right like
Starting point is 00:34:46 you guys have to amend this you sent me a photo and you look fucking super pissed I was fucking livid there's a photo of him with Howie I don't know if you can find it with Howie behind him he didn't post it
Starting point is 00:34:58 oh he said he's got it in his phone he sent me a picture of him and howie and he looks so funny and how he's like smiling and bobby is so fucking mad I'm so mad dude
Starting point is 00:35:10 it was hilarious I'm sorry to laugh it was fucking hilarious that last scene with him took forever and the drug to keep coming out guys come on I'm like fuck this guy
Starting point is 00:35:20 let me just say this too okay it's disappointing because as a kid growing up. Bobby's world. I was a huge... I still love him deeply. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:35:32 But I'm a huge Howie Mendel fan. I can't even believe that he calls me and stuff. Like, you know, sometimes you'll... You've been fans of somebody and then now they call you. Yeah. And you're just in awe of it. Like, oh my God, I can't fucking believe
Starting point is 00:35:46 someone so-and-so knows me. Yeah, it's shocking. It's shocking, right? You have all that in play, right? But then, you know, once... That just goes out the window. And now he's just some old dude, fucking with you. You know what I mean? You're right?
Starting point is 00:36:01 And it got to the point where after we rapped, you know how they go, if people don't know, if it's your last scene in the movie, the director goes, all right, that was Bobby's last scene. A wrap on Bobby and everyone claps. I fucking hate it so much. I hate it too, right? So they do it, but I grab my shit.
Starting point is 00:36:19 I don't say anything to anybody. I just head right out of the thing, get in my car and I fucking drive away. The crew loved it. They hated it. I was really fucked. But you weren't being mean to the crew. You're yourself?
Starting point is 00:36:29 No, I was just so livid. And then, you know, the repeated text. So finally, I ran into Howie. He goes, hey, man, I owe you dinner. I go, we're good. We're good. I don't want to have dinner with you. You're going to be crazy old lady
Starting point is 00:36:40 and she's going to fucking throw food at me in the middle of it. I mean, what would you have done? I mean, I'm much more temperamental than you. That would have fucking, look, the first one I'd have been like, ha, ha, ha. Then the second one, I would have been like, okay, I'm going to fucking get you back bad.
Starting point is 00:36:55 I'm going to get you back. fucking bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I mean, I probably would have smeared poop in his trailer. Yeah. Something fun like that. But you, right? I'm not.
Starting point is 00:37:03 Oh, I would have loaded up. Yeah. You got mad and left. I would have loaded up. I would have been preparing during the day. How can I fucking, you know, can I, can I slash his tires? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I really take it to it the next level that it shouldn't go to?
Starting point is 00:37:18 Yeah, I went, yeah, I mean, so it wasn't inappropriate my feelings. No, it was, it was disrespectful of how you, also, you don't you know there's an old rule old world rule you know the old world rule tell me you don't you don't pester a sleeping man that's i've heard that from my godfather do not you don't pest a sleeping man you don't pester a sleeping man you don't start fake wars with a fake person and more importantly you don't pest a sleeping man yeah you don't pastor a sleeping man yeah you don't are vulnerable when they're sleeping you don't do that you want to fuck with me i better be awake also it's not it's not i was fatigued
Starting point is 00:37:55 You're tired from the show. Yeah, I was running on two hours of sleep. I was like, fatigued. Yeah. Yeah. That a 70-year-old man is playing those games is so funny. That's why it's funny. That's why Howie's a funny guy.
Starting point is 00:38:07 He's a funny guy, yeah. Because he will fuck with you. But this beef that is being had right now with you and Polly, it's fake. You don't like it. It's not that I don't like it. It's just that because when I see him, it's like, dude, and we hug and all that stuff, right? Yeah, you love him. I love him.
Starting point is 00:38:23 But, like, he's trying to start. This thing I've seen online is... I don't know anything about it. I got a miscall from him, though. Probably this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he told me he was like... But we're not going to bite.
Starting point is 00:38:35 You're not, but I was kind of willing to have fun with it. But yeah, I like that. You're like, fuck that. Don't you think this is the best route? It's the one that you want to take, so I'll be on there with you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's the route that you wanted to take? I want to see a little fake war between you guys.
Starting point is 00:38:47 But it was with you too. Nah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was bad friends. It wasn't just me. I know, but he came up to me in the parking lot And he was like I think we should do something
Starting point is 00:38:57 Me and Bobby Yeah Mad at him No I was like You're not mad at him That's something that he would say mad that way Yeah
Starting point is 00:39:05 Mad Mad at Yeah Yeah No I didn't I didn't know if he had talked to you about it That's why I was curious No he was
Starting point is 00:39:12 He's been Sweetie sweetie sweetie Yeah He's one of the sweetest guy Yeah Yeah But yeah I'm not doing I'll do a more with Howie
Starting point is 00:39:20 Yeah Yeah. But this is what he wants, though. That's the thing with how he's mentality, you know what I mean? He thrives onto the shit. He does. Yeah. I'm not biting.
Starting point is 00:39:31 The whole Bill Burr, Billy Corgan thing was he was love in every minute of that. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I did too. I thought that was fascinating. It was fascinating. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I love to see Bill Matt.
Starting point is 00:39:43 That's what he's the best dad. He's the best dad. And Billy Corgan. Yeah. Yeah. Well, he was sheepish in that. Well, it was little. He was like, oh, I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:39:51 I didn't know. It was a little unnerving. It was unnerving, yeah. The whole thing was a little shape. But, yeah, Howie, we're good. We're good, we're good. You're good. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:01 You've never been mad on a set or no one's ever fucked you, like, pissed you off. I made so many people mad. I had the last season of Dave, I had an unfortunate moment. It wasn't just me. Yeah. The director. I love this. The director.
Starting point is 00:40:18 Tell me, tell me. I wouldn't mention her name or anything. Yeah, yeah. but we were shooting a scene outside. We were, like, out in the countryside, and it was, like, a crazy fucking morning. Like, nothing was set up, right? It was kind of wackadoo.
Starting point is 00:40:32 And there was a lot of moving pieces, but it was also, like, a huge wide for people at home that want to know, usually shoot it wide, and then you come in close. It depends on the director's style, but a lot of times you get this big fuck off wide, you get to warm up, and then you get to the scene, and you get really down to the nitty-gritty, you get really micro.
Starting point is 00:40:47 Anyway, we're shooting this huge fucking wide, and we're, like, walking through. And I'm like, we're walking through And then we go behind this bus that we're on And then we kind of are chilling But it's me and a few of the castmates And so we're kind of fucking through the scene Because you're never going to use that shot
Starting point is 00:41:00 For more than a quarter of a tenth of a second Yeah So then we go around the bus and we're all chatting And she fucking Loses it We can fucking hear you This is the third fucking time You guys are talking through the fucking day
Starting point is 00:41:15 And you're not even like a bunch of children When she called us children That's when I was like Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey Yeah. I was like I love that, love it. I was like, you're crazy out of pocket. Yeah. I'm a fucking adult male. You don't talk to anybody
Starting point is 00:41:31 like that. She was losing her cool. And also because the episode was kind of not the way they wanted it to go. And I was like, this isn't our fault. She was, so then me, I'm not naming people, and the two other castmates were like, you got it. You got it. Yeah. Then the rest of that scene was even harder for her because I was giving nothing.
Starting point is 00:41:52 You're pissed. I was like, oh, you think that's, oh, you think that's annoying? Wait too soon we do in the next fuck. When you get tighter. Yeah. Just wait. Wow. We'll do 30 of them now.
Starting point is 00:42:02 Wow. You treat me like a fucking kid. That's crazy. I'm a grown-up. Just be like, hey, you guys, we can hear you. She lost her fucking cool. And subsequently, you know, haven't heard from her in a while.
Starting point is 00:42:15 I don't think she's getting on the line. Yeah. She lost her cool. And the whole crew was like, what the fuck was that? Like, the whole crew was like, because what you do is you bring down the energy of the thing. It was like, why are you doing that? Then you're, because all the crew guys are like, you know, like the sound guy was like, yeah.
Starting point is 00:42:31 Like, what's that about it? Yeah. So then everyone's in a weird mood. Like, why are you being that way? You're just blowing up on people because you're upset about something. So. But can you do what Daniel Day Kim does? Be Asian.
Starting point is 00:42:43 No, no, no, no. Daniel Dei Kim told me about he was on a set once where the director. was the first day and goes, hey, man, you're 30 minutes late, screams at him. Yeah. But he wasn't late. He was on time. Yeah. So Daniel pulled him aside and he go, hey, man, don't talk to me like that.
Starting point is 00:42:59 I love that. Yeah. Why can't we do that? I'm not Daniel Day Kim. Oh, that's right. Yeah. Oh, that's right. Yeah, you can, though.
Starting point is 00:43:05 You're, Andrew Santino. No. Oh, what? What's going on here? What's up, dude? Who are you, dude? Damn, dude, dude, you ordered that meant. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:43:17 Take a seat. You want to sit down or? Oh, yeah, for sure. Hey, man. I have a idea for you, Bob, if you want. Oh, we're at Bob now? Shopify. We have an online business here at Bad Friends.
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Starting point is 00:44:40 I thank you so much because I've spent, I'm saving now thousands and thousands of dollars a year because of rocket money. Well, Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps him find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Bobby's finally off of that endless chain of money being wasted on apps and games and all sorts of nonsense that you just aren't using anymore. Rocket Money finds it. Their dashboard lays out your total financial picture, including bill due dates and paydays in a way that's easy to digest.
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Starting point is 00:46:55 Bobby Lee, yeah. Yes, what's your name? Get comfortable, man. Thanks. What's your name? Zach Townsend. You're a great comment. What's the idea?
Starting point is 00:47:04 What's going on? He's a great comment. I got a business idea for you guys, though. Okay. Can I pitch it to you? Yeah. This is going to get me out of the hole. Okay.
Starting point is 00:47:11 Chat, EBT. Okay. I love it Before you Yeah Yeah It's not what It's not what
Starting point is 00:47:20 You're probably thinking Yeah Yeah This is I know exactly What it is It's not It's a It's chat
Starting point is 00:47:24 GBT for black people Yeah Yeah Yeah How does that work How does it work? So basically you like Well it doesn't
Starting point is 00:47:34 It doesn't It should be working That's why Snap got taken away It's not working Right now Yeah But it
Starting point is 00:47:40 But it basically You axed It a question And then it just says Oh Hell no. Oh, I see. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:47:49 Well, it's a really good idea. That's a great idea. Is it AI or? Alan Iverson, yeah. Alan Iverson. Yeah, it's Alan I'm doing it. Wow, you got him. Yeah, we got it all.
Starting point is 00:47:59 I deal with them. Okay, good. We go tomorrow. It's Alan Iverson. You want a piece of pizza? It looks like you got a lot there. Yeah. Too many boxes, maybe?
Starting point is 00:48:05 It's probably blocking your face. Can I see one? Just put it off to the side. Yeah, yeah. This is my favorite part. I knew he was going to look at one right away. Yeah, well, there's more in there. There's different kinds.
Starting point is 00:48:14 I like this kind I have some pepperoni if you want some I've seen that movie before I'm not I'm not biting ladies and gentlemen of bad friends family Bad friends family
Starting point is 00:48:25 This is our good friend Zach Townsend Great comedian Who Hello everybody Who opened for me For a little while What happened?
Starting point is 00:48:33 Wait Yeah wait What happened He started closing Oh you're a headliner That's a headliner Yeah Well
Starting point is 00:48:39 Can't open anymore When you're closing I mean You know your people To run those stores Right you can't close if it's open. You can't open if it's closed.
Starting point is 00:48:45 Exactly. Yeah. Zach is a phenomenal comic Nashville. Although... It is a good excuse. If you don't want somebody to open for you, you pull them inside.
Starting point is 00:48:56 You're gonna. Yeah, this is the first I'm here. I thought I was still opening. This pizza thing was a bit, but I think this might actually have to go back. Well, I figured you're gonna go hungry for a little while, so I was like, to give that man some pizzas.
Starting point is 00:49:10 Fuck. Who opens for you now? Anybody, but Zah. Zach. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. I heard Catbird got a little thing from you. Catbird. We did down. Catbird was awesome. Yeah, we did. Oh, you did Brea last weekend? Idiot. Yeah, we did. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we did bray and I took Catbird and, and Zach. And Zach came was Zach, yeah, Zach, yeah. Zach, yeah. How was Cat? Zach, yeah, ZAC, yeah. I got to change your contact in my phone. Uh, Zach and Kat went down. Then Devontre Coleman comes with me when he can
Starting point is 00:49:38 when he's not, you know, blowing up this guy. Yeah. This guy just came from, tell him what you just did. I just did Come on and tell it tell it to them the way you told me I just did I just did
Starting point is 00:49:47 I just did comics unleashed I don't I want to work at Domino wow I was Byron comics unleashed for people
Starting point is 00:50:03 that don't know it's a comedic institution it's been around for it's got to be 20 years I mean right how long has it been on TV I was off for a while
Starting point is 00:50:09 ever yeah I mean genuinely look it up how long has been on but Byron Allen has been running this show It's a round table of comics on couches and they, you know, you pitch your jokes and you get to run your bits.
Starting point is 00:50:18 It's been on for 19 years. I was right there. Who was on it with you today? It was Guy Torrey from American history. I love Guy so much. He's great. He's an old friend of mine. Good friend.
Starting point is 00:50:28 Yeah. I actually opened for him a couple times in Nashville. Maybe you can open for him again because I'm done with you. Who else? And then two other people I don't remember their names, but they're nice. No, be real. No, they're nice. You don't know their names, really?
Starting point is 00:50:40 I really don't know that. One of them was Lori something. Then the other guy was he had gray hair I remember that Oh gray hair Yeah gray hair Yeah gray hair Yeah great hair
Starting point is 00:50:48 Wait didn't cat film with you Wasn't she gonna film She we all did different ones But she's filming today I'm pretty sure Those guys you know they do Did you ever do comics unleashed I've been asked I never did it
Starting point is 00:50:58 I can't believe you and I were Bob didn't have enough We're the only headlanders We're the only headliners that have never done I didn't have enough what No nothing No say it Say it
Starting point is 00:51:05 I said Bob didn't have enough bits To do it Oh I was just joking dude the look the look of anger with a little bit of pizza on your mouth fucking perfect you know can I be honest
Starting point is 00:51:17 hit him hard I don't give a shit he's not my he's not mine anymore that hit me so hard yeah like it's a destroyer of friends well now why don't you go on comics and let him prove him wrong right you can prove him good one why didn't you do it
Starting point is 00:51:34 I didn't feel that's not a format for me me either me either if I'm being honest. There was never a point in my career that I thought I was going to be good on that show. Yes, I never did late. I only did Conan.
Starting point is 00:51:48 Conan was the only one I wanted to do because I loved Conan. And I always wanted to do Letterman. But by the time I had the balls put together, Letterman was gone. And so Conan was my hero. I wanted to do Conan. I got on Conan and they were like, why don't you want to do other late night? I was like, how much more shit are you going to fucking open? How much more fucking shit are you going to open?
Starting point is 00:52:08 We have one more. We do have one more Let's hear it Let's hear it Yeah, thank you, right in the mic God, these guys This is how unprofessional the show is They don't know to turn their mic down
Starting point is 00:52:26 When they're doing some dumb shit like that But he'll do that for you He'll come running like a little pipsqueak that he is Get, go, get gone Get gone! God, I love that kid He's the best. He is my favorite.
Starting point is 00:52:39 No, but I only. wanted to do Conan and then when they asked do the other ones I thought I'm gonna bomb on that show did you bomb oh yeah I ate yeah I had a hard I was telling McCone outside I did like three black jokes I did like three black I'm surprised even let me do them do them here let me hear him well give me the premise I can do I know because you know yeah I did well the one that you know that you like um the the the we're the only ones who know how to whisper oh yeah yeah yeah and then then they then him and guy Tori were like I think I don't think they like got offended but They were like, I made a joke about, like I said,
Starting point is 00:53:11 I have a lot of black friends you could tell by my shoes. And after the joke, they were like, man, you really got, that ain't black people with friends shoes, you know? Yeah, it is. They upped on me. They upped on me. They upped. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:53:24 By the way, no white guy that wears Air Force Ones, every white guy that wears Air Force ones is friends with black people. It's almost a requirement when you buy them at Foot Locker, they're like, let me see your phone. And you've got to show them how many black friends you have. And your phone's dead. And you're like, can I charge my phone? They're like, you definitely got my friend.
Starting point is 00:53:42 What is that cricket? Why did you do it? Because I'm just trying to say yes to a lot of things. Oh, that's good. Yeah. Because Zach is a great comic and he needs more credits. And the internet now is fucking flooded with a billion comics doing every clip. And then he needs to fucking be a part of the system like everything else.
Starting point is 00:53:57 This is a credit, right? It's a huge credit. We're going to cut you out of those, I think. No, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah, fancy. No bits. I was kidding. I'm a huge fan.
Starting point is 00:54:07 Yeah, yeah. Wait, give me the other jokes you told. Do it, do them, just so we can hear him. Oh, I did, I said one about, like, I think true crime, like, you know, because it has to be clean, too, so it can't be as good as, but I said, like, you know, I think white crimes get investigated a little bit harder than black crimes, you know, just based off the names, they name these things. Like, a white woman will go missing, and they'll call it, like, the 12-year disappearance of Sarah, and, like, a black guy gets murdered, and then just, like, the first 48 hours, you know? That's a great job. They wrap it up quick. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:54:39 He liked that one. Byron liked that one. Yeah. Yeah. But he didn't like the black people. Do the other one. I said, I talked to, one of my black friends was telling me, I always chat EBT. I'm just doing, I'm like Nick DePaolo now.
Starting point is 00:54:53 Yeah, do it. Do it, Nick. I said, I have a lot of black friends if you can't tell about, my black friend told me the other day, he said, I don't trust white people because they're always telling secrets. And I was like, I don't agree with that statement at all. You know, I just think we're the only race that knows how to whisper. it's a fantastic joke and they pushed back on that
Starting point is 00:55:14 no I mean he just kind of like they were kind of going after my shoes and it felt like maybe that one did you fire back at all a little bit yeah I said it you said the end word no no no no I said stop
Starting point is 00:55:26 stop guys you nervous a little bit it's not it's not it wasn't as nerve it says I thought I was going to be yeah well no because you I mean at some point you know you got the if you have all the weapons you're like well I'm just going to swing
Starting point is 00:55:39 and then hopefully they hit. And it's a live audience? Yeah, yeah. Are they alive? I don't know. I was like looking at someone. I'm like, some of these people might be AI for real. Like they're...
Starting point is 00:55:48 It's probably a lot of tweakers. The reason why I don't like these types of shows is that it's so, it's not organic, right? It's like, you mean, what are you going to say so I can lead up to it? So the conversation is so fake. Yeah, but that's every prompt on late night. They do the same thing. They prompt you. Well, that's why I've never done them.
Starting point is 00:56:06 I, you know, I mean, yeah, I just can't do it. Right. It's an old, it's an old format. Yeah. But it's a car, Carson did it. It was the way that fucking Carson set up his show too. I mean, there was way more improv back then. But also there's a lot of dead air. If you watch old Carson, there's an awful lot of fucking dead air, wouldn't fly today. Yeah. Like, you know, there's moments of gaps where you're like, ooh, this is like valuable TV time. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:28 But they need the prompts to keep the thing moving. I mean, Byron Allen, this guy, talk about proving all those conspiracy theories wrong. He bought the weather, right? Yeah. He bought the weather. The Jays can, yeah, the Jays control it, but he bought it. Yeah. They must have some sort of mutual agreement, right? He distributes the Jays.
Starting point is 00:56:44 Right. The Jays own it, but he distributes it. Wow. Okay, Byron, next week it's going to rain. It's my company. I can make it rain if I want to. He acquired the Weather Channel. Byron Allen bought the Weather Channel, a $300 million deal in 2018.
Starting point is 00:57:01 Wow. And by the way, this guy's got $300 million to buy the fucking Weather Channel. He paid this guy like $48 to go on TV. TV today. Wow. What do they give you for those? What do they give you for those live shows? There's a couple hundred bucks. It wasn't a thousand, but it wasn't, it wasn't 500. Even my, we're at my house. Even my wife is like
Starting point is 00:57:17 $200. You can't, that's what they give you. I was like, TV's dead. They're killing everyone. They're not giving anyone any money. I'm not even sure what it is. I don't even if Comics Unleash might be on the weather channel. I don't know. I don't even know. They didn't tell me like what network it's going to
Starting point is 00:57:33 It runs side by side with a fucking Doppler alert. A Doppler alert. That's nice though That's nice that you got that Under your belt That's first literal TV credit First literal TV credit Yeah
Starting point is 00:57:42 Give it up for the boy Huh Come on That's great Bobby's still Fuming from the Bitsle Oh no Yeah you are
Starting point is 00:57:48 Just tell them you are Tell them you hate it Yeah I love it You always tries to hit me Whenever No you No
Starting point is 00:57:54 I give you gentle touches Yeah On the P On the P On the Pee No The other night When I saw you at the store
Starting point is 00:58:00 I did side Side Gentle touches on your side No Yeah but you're always I don't you're squirrels mind you think that I'm gonna do something nefarious. I think you're really strong.
Starting point is 00:58:10 Yeah, I am very strong. I know, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why I don't like. He's got that strength. Yeah, I got that strength, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but if we always... One extra chromosome. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:21 And I, dude. I will defeat all of you with a one. And then, fight the others. You know the star of the karate ghost. The peanut butter falcon. Hey, good I like it Keynot the but off hell could
Starting point is 00:58:42 Yeah Who books the How'd you get the show On my management Facebook Oh Answer an ad on fucking Facebook They just put you on that thing
Starting point is 00:58:53 Yeah You got bits We should do it What? We should do it together There's no way Why? I don't want to do it
Starting point is 00:59:01 It would be fun We can make the request It would have to be Just me, you and Byron and they would a hundred they're why would they not do that that be so funny that would be awesome you're doing like family feud style and get like two more like bad friends and just do all four of you i think that'd be fun yeah you can do all you guys don't bring up family feud we lost a flavor yeah to this day if you if you were asked to do family feud right we did it no but it was my
Starting point is 00:59:25 family oh that well rub it in so no but no but they're going to ask you santino right would i be a part of your five? No. You know how mad at beef? I wasn't the buff one? He wants to win. Well, you didn't get many answers right. I'm going for skill. Tactics. Who would be on your family? Dude, imagine who would they put me up against, by the way?
Starting point is 00:59:45 They put you up against flavor, flame. So they're doing, like, who they think. Yeah, that's right. What is it about? I'm Asian flavor flave? Dude, they're in the meeting room. They're like, all right, check it out. Yeah, yeah. Who's Bobby Lee's perfect counterpart? Who's like, who's like a black, Bobby League? Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:00:06 Flavor, Flake. Yeah. Who would I have as my family? It would be me, you, my sister. My wife, my mom, or my dad wouldn't want to do it. Maybe my dad, my sister, definitely. Me, you, my sister. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:00:22 Who should be really good. See, I'd be tactical. You weren't tactical. What do you mean? I chose the wrong person. Esther. Me, you, my sister Raul, my landscaper
Starting point is 01:00:37 That'd be funny He's fucking amazing Now he's so funny That'd be so funny Raul and Brian Holtsman Just because I feel like him and Steve would have a battle
Starting point is 01:00:53 Yeah Holtzman would be funny Hilaria It'd be so funny to watch him scream And Steve Harvey I mean they would fucking hate each other That's like two opposite energies Yeah
Starting point is 01:01:03 I would next time I do it If I ever do it I would choose the team That would win Yeah we will We'll get a little team together I don't know They're never gonna ask me
Starting point is 01:01:11 I'm with you I'm your plus one They don't want me They're gonna ask you They don't want me Please ask them Because I need redemption I'd rather go on
Starting point is 01:01:20 I'd rather go on Wheel of Fortune Oh I'd be bad at that game What you guess letters I'm not good at Fucking easiest game It's not Jeopardy Yeah Zach's got one more day
Starting point is 01:01:30 here in Los Angeles. We sent him around. We did almost everything with the boy. Yeah. Then he goes back to Nashville to his girlfriend who he loves. Mm. Yeah. Just got himself a new house. Yeah. It's incredible. Thanks, Bob. Amazing. You did it. You helped. Oh. Yeah. I extorted money from you. Harlow. I'm the Mexican gangster. Oh, I see. Yeah, you better buy my open or a fucking house, eh? And your girlfriend lives with you? Yeah. Yeah. I would hope so. They bought a house together. Oh, together. She's paying for some of the mortgage? Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's why we're doing it. This is a light so this is a life partner yeah probably yeah unless yeah yeah I mean how long he would've been dating unless she finds out what I did in my uh comics unleashed trailer yeah but
Starting point is 01:02:10 but how long I mean how long had you been dating with her for like three three years okay that's a good enough time yeah she's red yeah yeah she's she's very good looking she's cool she's smart she's way better than Zach it's one of those things where it's annoying when you're like oh the partner is more superior but and then you sometimes wonder is he holding her hostage. Yeah, he's Shrecken. You're Shrekken. Wait, what? Yeah, you're Shrekkin hard. A new slang. A new slang term for the dating trend of intentionally dating someone you consider to be less attractive than yourself. I hope that they'll treat you better.
Starting point is 01:02:39 Yeah, that's pretty spot on. That's actually like, that's almost like whoever made this knows me and my girlfriend. So what's your dream here? What do you want on of this business? I want to. I want him out of business. What is it? Just to be as successful as you guys, really. Yeah. Never!
Starting point is 01:03:06 Yeah, shoot for the moon, right? And if not. Was that a shot? He does this all the time. Let me tell you something, pal. Let me tell you something, pal. We have your replacement. We casted him.
Starting point is 01:03:19 The fans answered. He was a hit. He was a hit. Was he not a hit? Yes. Yeah, yeah. And he's a hit and you're a what? What?
Starting point is 01:03:27 You're a lump. A miss. A miss. Yeah. Yeah. No, you're ahead. I love you. I love you.
Starting point is 01:03:37 Stop. Stop. It goes bumping the night. Karate ghost coming this fall. Do we know when it comes out? No, I don't know. Do Karate Ghost release date. Wait, what is this?
Starting point is 01:03:52 He's in a movie called Karate Ghost. It's going to be awesome. January 31st, 2023. It already came out. You filmed it after it came out. That's how good the movie looked. It came out. Was there another karate ghost?
Starting point is 01:04:07 How? How on fucking earth is there more than one of them? We did the remake? Here's the one you're in with Belushi. Set in a town ruled by an absurd karate law. The film watches a lonely teen form an unlikely bomb with the ghost of his late father's favorite action hero. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:04:26 Are you, you're just a local, you're not one of the, are you the ghost? No, no, no, I play a sensei. And that's why. Yeah, I know. And that's why, the question you just asked me five minutes ago. Yeah. Who was it, Daniel Day Kim? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:04:42 That's why we are not Daniel Day Kim. I know. Because you played a sensei. I know. And I'm in the magic movie for four heartbeats. Yeah. They make me disappear. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:04:51 Zach, close out the show by saying thanks for being a bad friend into your camera. Thanks for being a bad friend. Everybody. Duh. That was terrible. Hey, everybody. Thanks for being a bad friend.

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