Bad Friends - Fancy B. vs George

Episode Date: August 9, 2021

New Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com   Thank you to our Sponsors: https://doordash.com code: badfriends2021 & https://upstart.com/badfriend & http://shipstation.com code: badfriends & http://keeps.com/badfriends YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriends YouTubeAudio Subscribe: https://apple.co/31Jsvr2 Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com 00:39 Bobby is working on impressions 03:49 Asian prince born to the Royal Family 07:56 Fart Bubbles 13:26 Bobby pretends to be dead at home and nobody cares 15:28 Rudy's boyfriend update 22:21 Are movie theaters going to disappear? 23:31 Lollapalooza and Jake Duby 29:43 Rudy sings Nirvana and Bobby keeps doing impressions 31:13 Bobby apologizes to China 37:00 Bobby speaks to the woke generation about his comedy 41:00 The Philippines won their first gold medal 44:32 Fancy B vs George IG battle 49:24 Andrew's raccoon poop problem and Ari Shaffir's poop prank on bobby 53:23 Rudy's PSA and the filipino language 56:12 "Don't Do" and the Korean kite 01:00:19 Bobby's 50th birthday party submissions 01:08:06 Salamat sa pagiging masamang kaibigan More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Andres Rosende & Pete Forthun Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You two are bad friends! Who are these two idiots? White dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. You two are something. We're bad friends. Speaking of money, who just got back from New York? Oh, I know you.

You? Didn't you fancy going? Yeah, I did, yeah. New York. The city of dreams. The big peach. You fly in. Statue of Liberty. Then you get 5 o'clock in the morning call time.

And you go? You work 16 hours. Then you fly, get on kind of flight and fly back. Buck on a flight. Buck on a flight. I'm working on impressions. You want to hear one? I guess who it is. I'm not going to look at you.

There's no such thing. Not yet. Not yet. There's no such thing as political murder, political bombings, and political violence. There's only

criminal murder, criminal bombings, and criminal violence. Gavin Newsom. Who is it? It's a woman. Caitlyn Jenner. It's political.

Criminal bombings. There's no such thing. No, dead. She's dead. There's no such thing. There's no such thing as political murder, political bombings,

or political violence. Oh, Hillary Clinton. No. That's not Hillary Clinton. Dead, I said. Hillary's alive. She's alive? She just looks dead. She looks dead.

Margaret Thatcher. Oh, is that Margaret Thatcher? That's in a British accent? That's how she talks, though. Let me hear it one more time. What's so funny? Yeah, guys, I don't think that's funny at all. You know how I know this?

Because I watched four seasons in a week. The Crown, baby. Why? Because that's where that came from. Yeah, I watched The Crown. Not only do I love The Crown, but I want to be The Crown.

You want to be in The Crown? No, I want to be a prince. Oh, you don't mean in the show, you mean in real life? Like, in real life, I want to be a prince and live in a royal family and the whole thing. But I would do my own things. Can you imagine if a princess kissed the frog and then he turned into you?

And how upset you'd be? And she'd probably kiss me to get back to the frog. Frog. Oh, holy shit. No, because I would love to... Oh, that face. Yeah, I don't like that face. Why don't you think he could be a prince?

Like, right now? Yeah, right now. He's got prince hair. He definitely has prince hair. I would probably be born the last. You were the last prince. No, no, if my mom was the queen, I would be the last kid. So it's like, there would be five kids ahead of me.

So I would never become king. You'll never be king. That's a really good idea, by the way. That's a good idea for a movie. I would spray paint little symbols on vases and stuff around the castle. Swastikas? I would probably do like a Chinese face.

Oh, on the cat... Two line Chinese eyes and a big smile. What dynasty would you be a part of? Royal, England. What do you mean? But that's what's great about it. Because it's like, there'd be a mystery. Oh, right. Someone slept around with somebody.

Somebody did something. And now it's like, I'm in all the tabloids. Because they... Even in the beginning, they think... Asian prince born to the royal family. No. He's white, but he looks Asian. No, they're unmistakably Asian.

No, no, I look white. No, I look Asian, but I'm white. You do not look white. Can I just say this? What if like, Queen Elizabeth had me, right? She had me at like 50. They would be like, she cheated. With an Asian guy.

Right before I was born, right? She's old. She tumbled down the stairs. And just rolled on her belly a bunch of times. Just listen, right? And then all of a sudden, a butler came, didn't see the queen there, and he tripped on her. An Asian boy.

There's no Asian involved in anything. That's my point, is that you're not... Yeah, I'm just telling you why I came out, and then she... And then all of a sudden, I'm about to get born. I'm about to get born, just let me finish, all right? Okay, you're about to get born. And they go, we got to do it now.

Let's do it outside. They take the queen out. They're in Buckingham Palace, in a courtyard, right? And they go to the fountain. The baby comes out, and the sun is so bright. You know, I go... And they made my eyes like this. Right? And it just stuck like this. It singes your face.

Yeah, like this, and then I'm like the one that looks Asian, but I'm really a Windsor. You're really truly a Windsor. Truly 100% a Windsor. Do you buy that? Why not? He's Asian. Yeah, you're Asian. You're so Asian. Look, that's what they could tell the tablets,

but the truth would be, the queen slept around with somebody. But we would never reveal the truth. How funny would it be, though, if they're like, we don't really know who, we'll never be able to know who, and that's all we're saying. And the press walks away and cut to one of the vendors selling, like, little British flags, and it's just one Asian... one so little old Asian man.

Or, that's kind of funny. I'm like, you know how, like, you go to different rooms, and there's different photos. And I'm wandering around, and I'm just, you know, maybe I'm 16. Yeah, I see it. You're 15. And my older brother, my older brother Charles, is already, you know what I mean?

No, better name. Charles is a guy already. No, but Prince Charles, I'm a part of the Windsor family, so Prince Charles is my older brother, right? You're the next generation. You're like the new generation. Oh, you're saying that I'm William's baby? Correct. You're William and Kate's baby. Oh, William and Kate's baby. You're the new generation. Right.

Yeah, so William and Kate had a baby. Right. It looks Asian. They blamed it on the sun. And I'm walking around, right, the castle, just moping. Mad. God, everyone calls me Asian, but I'm not. I'm a Windsor. Right? And I go to this one room, there's a bunch of photographs, right? Yeah. And I see my mom, Kate, right?

Yeah, beautiful. Beautiful. And she's, like, in a pool, splashing around with Ken Chung. Right? And then, everything just kind of... Right. And I'm, like, the guy from The Hangover's Baby. That's your dad. Yeah. That's your papa.

Right. And now you're on a journey to go find your dad. Right. I don't want it to be Ken Jeong. And the movie can be played by Ken Jeong, but the real guy is... All right, fine. It's a pool party. Emperor Hirohito's...

Right, Emperor Hirohito's grandson. Grandson. Right. Right. Great, great, great grandson. Yeah, Toshi. Toshi and he's jacked. Toshi Hirohito is jacked.

Toshi Hirohito, he's jacked out of his mind. Right, right, right. So then, this is what happens. And you have to go on a journey to find Toshi Hirohito. No, there's also this what happens. There's a scene in the movie where I go to the bathroom and I take off my shirt and I do a thing. What? Like, because he's jacked, right?

He's so strong. So I go and I do a thing and I do this. And it comes to 16. A couple little muscles go... Right? And I go, that's my dad. That's your dad. Because I can see a little pet.

Like, little abs. You squeeze really hard and then abs come out. Yeah. Like, pop, pop, pop, pop, right? And I'm like this and I'm like, that's my dad. Just a little fart comes out as the abs are formed. Why? Why?

Because that's the comedy part of you. You're gonna flex and be like, that's my destiny. And the scene goes... Oh, and what do I do? Right, and the muscles go down. They go down, right as you fart. So it's just fart. It's fart bubble.

It's fart air. In my skin. It's not even muscle. It's fart... Right, right. And we cut to you on an airplane. Going to go see your real father. Yeah, but do I...

Is there a scene where I go to Kate? No, you mean... Forget about them. She's a princess, so... I go to... She's the... Yeah, she's a queen yet. Because it goes, Charles is gonna be king

and then he has to die. They're both dead. At this point, they're totally both dead. Oh, so William is king. 100%. She's princess. She's not a queen. Well, yeah. I don't know how that works.

It works that way. I think, like, Queen Elizabeth's husband is Prince Philip. Right. Okay. Wait, wait, wait. He just died. Who gets to be queen?

Remember that guy? Yeah, and they drove him home. Yeah, bring up that picture of Prince Philip. The last 20 years, he was dead. Yeah. Look at this. Left to hospital. Feeling good.

That's that one, the middle photo. The one in the car. Whereas... We'll go to the far right. Yeah, the one in the car. Look at this one. Feeling good. Feeling good.

Feeling great. He's not dead there? He's dead there, dead there. He's gotta be dead there. Look, his eyes are stitched open. They put in stuff to be like, hold it. Yeah. Hold it.

Hold it. Yeah. Do you think he looks in the mirror and says, just die? You know what they gave him? They just put smelling salts like we did under his nose. Just for the picture, so he could get him home.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. My God, he lived forever. 1990 was? 99. 99 years old he was. There's another one where they tried to really doctor him up there. Do you see him in the suit with the blue tie? I mean...

Oh, my God, it's like... Zoom in, please. Yeah. Big that up. Yeah. You know what they did? They photoshopped his eyes and just put it on the emperor's eyes in Star Wars.

You all right? That's what it looks like. We don't need CGI. Just use Prince Philip's eyes. Apparently, if you're a part of a royal family... Yeah. ...that has hundreds of years of incestual mating, you live long. Really?

Because they all live a long time. Yeah, but he... How come when there's... How come when there's incestual mating like in the south, it's really sad? And some reason in England, it's where they live long. Because they don't do brother and sister.

Right, they do cousins. Yeah, they do cousins. Right, so it's like... The ones in the south, you know, me just fuck their brother or their mom or whatever. It's always brother. I think it's brothers or sisters or...

It's never mom? I don't think it's ever the mom. I don't think the mom is ever... Probably some time... No, if anything, it's the dad. Yeah, I kind of want to talk about it. Yeah, it's gross. Anyway, well, that's with the royal family.

So this is what... So you came from... That's my grandfather. That's my great-grandfather. Great-great-great-grandfather. Great-great-grandfather. Right, wait. That's my great...

Yeah, great... Great. Not my grandfather, my great-grandfather. Your great-grandfather. Yeah, yeah. So look at that, Rudy. That's your great-grandfather yourself as well. There's a scene.

Maybe we should shoot this in... Oh, he's already dead. But maybe in the movie, he's... Comebacks to life. A ghost. Oh, and he haunts you. Yeah, no.

And every time I see him, he wants to say something like, encouraging. But whenever I see him, because he looks like that, I just run. Right? So he's got all the advice,

and you just can't... Yeah, I go, I'll fucking get the fuck out of there, because I would scare the shit out of me. But so I go to Japan, and I find Toshi. Yeah. But guess what?

What happens? Toshi doesn't want anything to do with you. So you say, well, I'll fight you to the death. What? You'll fight him to the death. He goes, because he says, he's like,

you're not my son. And you're like, I am your son. Look! And you show him the muscle thing. Right. He sees it. Yeah.

And then he's like, you're not my son. No, he could go. He could go like this. He could go like this. You can go, after I go, right?

He can go, you're not my son, see? And he does it. Do an accent. You're not my son. You're not my son. Yeah.

See? And he does it. And what if he does... A fork comes out for him. And that's the connection I made. I told you, Dad. I fucking told you. They're not muscles,

they're fork bubbles. Those are fork bubbles on your skin, you fucking bastard. This feels like a short story from like, Roald Dahl or something like that. Out of where the sidewalk ends. Anyway, I love The Crown.

It's good, huh? It's a pretty good show. It is a good show. Didn't like the fourth season. The Diana stuff, ah, it's sad. Because it's depressing as shit because they had her killed.

It's nuts. Dude, I've been so... They didn't have him killed. 100%, she was killed. She was not killed. Do you know anything about Princess Diana? Yeah, I saw the documentary.

Do you think that they had her killed or do you think it was a total accident? I think they had her killed. They had her killed. Who? The family. No, they didn't, dude. She was a commoner.

That's blasphemy, dude. They didn't like her, dude. They never liked her. Do you think that like, Henry's wife, Meghan Markle, is gonna get killed? No, because it's too late. Also, Meghan Markle...

Meghan Markle's not gonna become... She's not anything. All right. Because she's the youngest... Well, she's the princess of Sussex. That's nothing, dude. That's big. I'm the princess of Sussex, by the way.

I'm the princess of Sussex, by the way. I'm the princess of Essex. I'm the princess of Muffix. Of Muffix. And she's a buffix. No, see, if they were gonna kill anybody, they would've killed Kate, but they love Kate

because she comes from high status. See what I'm saying? Well, no, the D.O. was checked off on her. I know. They all encouraged it. I know, but my point is, Charles cheated on... What's her name?

With, you know, the girl he was with. Who was he just with? Camilla. Yeah, with Diana. So the family hated her because they were still, like, going back and forth in the middle of all this shit.

Yeah. That's why they had her killed. They had her clipped. Did they have her clipped, Rudy? You voiced your opinion on it. She saw the documentary. Yeah, they had her clipped. They had her clippered.

They had her clipped. They have a what? They have a clip? They have a clip. Or they had her clipped. Let's roll the clip of the murder. What do they say? Clip.

Can I just say what you did the other day? I always have to do a little alert. She's more... She's here less and less and less mentally. I know. But yesterday was the worst. What happened? So they came home from the beach.

What beach? Malibu? Santa Monica. Santa Monica. Yeah. So when they go up the stairs, I go, here's my chance. So I pretend I was dead. I go, here's my chance.

So I laid on the ground. Right? Why would you do that? Dead. You just laid down on the ground? I just laid down like I was dead. Did you put any blood out or anything? No, no, no.

But I just made my body as if I was in a weird way. Down the stairs? No, just up in the living room. Well, they wouldn't buy that then. So... Would you have a heart attack? Maybe.

Maybe you could. So I'm laying there and I can see her. She can see me from the kitchen. Who can? Her. Oh, right. She's putting stuff away

or whatever. Right. She looks at me. She still does her thing. Then she eventually goes, Tito Bobby! Like, no... No.

Are you okay? Nothing. Is everything all right? Nothing. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Wow. So let me ask you something real.

You didn't believe it at all? I didn't. What did you think he was doing? Sleeping? I saw his eyes open and closed. No, you're not going to play in dead. Bro, how could... You're not going to play in dead.

Andrew. Do it right now. Do die right now. That's what she saw. That didn't look good. All right, okay. No, that's not what your face says. No, no, no.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's more like it. Like, you're sucking a little penis or something like that. No. Yeah. Yeah, trembling lip, you're dead. I'll go dead for you.

Ready? This is me dead. No. No? That's motionless. You're falling asleep in a movie theater. This is me falling asleep. This is me falling asleep. No, you're drunk.

You're drunk. I'm drunk. This is me dead. Yep, you're dead. You're fucking an angel. So anyway, she didn't see my eyes. And my point is that she doesn't care. She did see your eyes, didn't you?

Why don't you care if Tito Bob passed away? I would care. Oh, wait a minute. Do, do, do, do, do. Rudy update. Did what's his name hit you back on Instagram? Yeah. And what did he say?

He thought it was me. What? He thought it was me saying it. Oh, what Bob said? Yeah. Wait, what did you say again? What did we say? Bring it out again.

Yeah, I want to see it. Was he mad? No. Are you guys still chatting? Um... Aningo? Have you been chatting with him? What's his name?

Diego. Diego. You guys aren't chatting anymore? No. Why not? Did he blow it? I don't know. He's just busy. He's busy? This girl.

You're a famous podcast star. How is he busier than you? Bro. What does he do? Work. I have a feeling she's going to be living at our house for the rest of her life. Forever, yeah, forever.

I feel it. She's going to be just that girl. I'm okay with that. What are you getting angry for? Read what he said to you. Because you have every opportunity to meet guys, but anyway, go ahead. Re-read what Bobby said

that he thought you said. Okay. Did Bobby said over a thousand suns? Oh, yeah. How long have you been in the world? I like that. By the way, you looked hella-ripped on the beach cah.

Cah, hella beach cah. What did he say? He said, you lie in. You lie in? Yeah, you lie in. And you should have wrote back, no cap. I don't say that.

Do you know what no cap means? No lie. Let's see if Bobby knows. No lie. You didn't know it. I didn't know, but let's move on. So what else? No cap, dog?

So what did he say? He said, you lying. And then I said, Tito Bobby and Tito Andrew said that. And then what? And he said, I'm honestly kind of surprised. It sounds like something you'd say. See, we formula that so good. And then what'd you say after that?

High five. I would never say anything like that. Ha ha. Dude, imagine reading that. I would never say anything like that. You know how bad he felt? How many ha's, two ha's, ha and ha? That's so lame.

It's so lame. And that was the end of this conversation? There's more, but... Is there any discussions of, like, coming up to L.A. And hanging out? There is? He said that if I was in San Diego, then we should hang out.

And if he's in L.A., we should hang out. No shit, what a stupid length. No, he should make the effort. Give the guy a break. No, I don't give a fuck, Diego. Give the guy a fucking break. No, listen up, Diego. Get on the fucking Pacific Coastliner, okay?

It's the train that comes up here. Take your ass on the train, get to downtown L.A., get in a fucking Uber, and get your ass over to their house. You understand me? Pick her up in the Uber, go to the movies. Do people go to the movies right now?

They do. She went to a movie. You do? Quite a place too. Take her to the movies, go see a movie that's out, drop her back off and get back on the fucking train, get the fuck down to Oceanside. DoorDash!

I'll tell you what, Matt Powell. What's up, baby? I'm going to Hawaii in a week, and I can't wait because I only use DoorDash in Hawaii. But this is funny because people might think we're kidding. Every time we talk on the phone, he's literally just ordered something to his hotel room from DoorDash.

They literally are the fastest one. In every place that I go to, the fastest one, the most used. I like the app because I think the app is the easiest to use. I don't like some of the other apps are annoying. So you forgot something. If you need snacks, drinks, household essentials. Deodorant? 30 minutes or less now.

Pizza? Chinese food. No matter what you're craving, DoorDash can give it to you. They connect you with the restaurants you love right now, right to your door. You can get grocery essentials with DoorDash, get drinks, snacks, and everything else that we said. Over 300,000 partners. What do you get?

Foot fungus powder. Foot cream. Foot cream. Yeah, you do get a lot of that. So 300,000 partners in US, Puerto Rico, Canada, Australia, and you support your neighborhood go-tos from your favorite local restaurants like Popeyes, Chipotle, Cheesecake Factory, and many, many more. For a limited time,

our listeners can get 25% off in zero delivery fees on their first order of $15 or more when you download the DoorDash app and enter code BADFRIENDS2021. That's 25% off up to a $10 value and zero delivery fees on your first order when you download the DoorDash app in the app store

and enter the code BADFRIENDS2021. Don't forget, that's code BADFRIENDS2021 for a 25% off your first order with DoorDash subject to change, terms apply. Upstart. Upstart. Hey, if you're carrying a credit card balance every month,

it feels like you're never in an cycle of debt. It stinks. Me and Bobby have been in debt before. Oh, my God. So much. What was the most debt you were ever in? $250,000. Are you joking? That's insane. What did you do? I didn't pay taxes.

I had $16,000 in debt. If you're dread-looking at your credit card statements, and I wish I had upstart back then when I had problems, right? You're not alone. Debt can feel crippling, but upstart can help you on your path to financial freedom,

and that's such a great kind of freedom. Yeah, it is great, because Americans experienced financial hardship last year because you know what. And upstart's going to help you regain your footing, man. Yeah, that's exactly what I was referencing. Whether it's paying off credit cards, consolidating high-interest debt, funding personal expenses, over half a million people have used upstart to get one fixed monthly payment.

Consolidate into one. Upstart knows you're more than just your credit score and is expanding access to affordable credit. Yep, unlike other lenders, upstarts considers your income and current employment to find you a smarter rate for your loan. With five-minute online rate check, you can see your rate up front

for loans between $1,050,000. My God. That would have been great for me. I was $16,000 in debt. You can receive funds as fast as one business day after accepting your loan. Find out how upstart can lower your monthly payments today when you go to upstart.com

slash badfriends. That's upstart.com slash badfriends. Don't forget to use our URL to let them know. Loan amounts will be determined based on your credit income and certain other information provided by your loan application. Go to upstart.com slash badfriends. Anchor. If you haven't heard about anchor...

It's the easiest way to make a podcast. It's the easiest way to make a podcast. Let me explain. Oh, please. It's free. Awesome. That's cool. These are...there are creation tools that allow you to record and edit your podcast right from your phone or your computer.

You can do it from your phone like on the go. Oh, my God. That's cool. And on the bus or the subway, you can do it. That's cool. You can make a podcast for you so it can be heard on Spotify, Apple Podcasts,

and many, many, many, many, many, many more. Many, many more. Go ahead. You can make money from your podcast, too. No minimum listenership. How about that? You can make money with no minimum listenership. It's everything you need to make a podcast

all in one place. Where do we have to go, Bob? Download the free Anchor app or go to anchor.fm to get started. You know about that tiktoker that got shot in the movie theater in Orange County? Yeah, two of them.

It was a man in a... Imagine like being quarantined for a year. You finally go to a fucking movie. And you get shot. And you get shot. Oh, that's the worst story. Let's move on.

No, wait. But let me say this. But they were... This is why I don't like this stuff and I'm being genuine. They went to see The Purge, right? It was The Purge. You deserve to get shot.

Is that what you're saying? I mean, you said that. I know. That movie is all about killing off people. Who cares, dude? No, but I'm saying that's... It gives the impetus to psychopaths to do something...

Oh, really? So if I'm watching like you got mail and then there's going to be a bunch of like white cairns in there, I mean... Probably. No, there's just a bunch of people

watching different kinds of movies. Too dead in random shooting at Purge movie. Yeah, it was at The Purge. It was going to see The Purge. But The Purge's whole film basis is about clearing out society. We're watching Lord of the Rings and some guys drop a wizard

and they're doing fucking... I love it. I would love it. Whatever movie it is... I'm saying usually these happen in violent films. You're right, because the one in... There was one in Batman. Batman was Batman.

Yeah, man, there's usually in violent films. You're right. Unfortunately. So don't watch violent films? I don't... Let me tell you something. In a movie theater? That shouldn't be the world we live in, but, disgustingly,

I would stay at home to watch these films. Matt Damon was just complaining about how there is no such thing as... Kid, the next generation's not going to know about movie theaters and it's like... Yeah, no shit. A, home entertainment systems now are so nice.

Why the fuck would I pay $25 for a movie ticket? You're right. I'm not leaving my house. Like, she saw The Quiet Place 2 at the movie theater. I just saw it on my fucking Paramount Plus. I watched it on my iPad.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. How much was the tickets now? How much are they now? It was... California's different, by the way, than others. I think $11. That's it? Yeah. Because you're like under 12 or something?

No, I don't... She can get away with that. She's like, I mind that, man. Can I just ask you this, though? This is a real question. Mm-hmm. But it's like... It's like there was...

In the 90s when... Television was showing a lot of stand-up comedy. Yeah. That's when comedy clubs started dying in the early 90s. Yep. Do you think, though, that... And now people are starting to come out to live shows?

Because there's a difference between watching a live show and... But stand-up is a live performance. But live performances will never go away. But you're watching a film is going to be tough. Yeah, but isn't there something to watching a scary movie with a big crowd? Not when there's the fear of getting shot in the head.

That's true. Because stand-up... Live performance will always be good. Theater will always be good. Broadway will always be there. Live music will... I mean, did you see Lollapalooza? Did you see COVID-2?

Mm-hmm. Look at pictures of Lollapalooza in Chicago. You know, like one of the biggest musical festivals? They just did a one? Bro, shoulder to shoulder, neck to neck. Look at the images they just had. Dude, it's... Look at this.

Nets! That was recently? It's just happened, dude. No. Over this past weekend. No. Yes, dude, it just happened. This is Rona.

Dude. Rona, dude. Look at that, dude. Rona right there. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That is ventilator city right there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, no, they're back. We're back. Shows are back and stuff. I'm saying, this will never die. Live music will never die. Yeah. You'll never take that away. But who played?

At... You know who did... At Lollapalooza? I don't know. Look up the line up there. Click on one of the posters right there, Pete. You have 2021 up. Foo Fighters. Of course, yes.

Post Malone. Tyler the Creator. Miley Cyrus. De Baby. Marshmallow. Elenium Journey. Megan Thee Stallion. Roddy Rich.

Kay Tridonna. Brock Hampton. That's perfect. Playboy Cardi. Young Thug. Limp Biscuit. Modest Mouse. Jack Harlow.

Polo G. Trippy Red. Suicide Boys. Cascass. Alice in Wonderland. Slander. Steve Diocchi. Stop, stop, stop, stop.

Brittany Howard and Band of Horses. Okay, okay, okay. Jimmy World. Dermot Kennedy. Young the Giants. Lavgivon. Angels and Airwaves. I and Dior.

Saint John. All-time low. Mount Joy. Mark Rubie. Mark Rubie. Who's a good friend? Keep going. You're going to do the whole thing.

I have OCD. Whitney. Dominic Flike. If you don't do the whole thing. Services. Tachemi. Juaz. Freddie Gibbs.

The Front Robot. The Front Bottoms. Did they steal that from us? The Front Bottoms? The Front Bottoms. Big Wild. Kim Petross. Yellow Claw.

Subtronics. Oliver Heedon. Kayakash. Oliver Tree. Omar Apollo. Ash. L.P. Arizona Survives.

Zade Trident. Earth Gang Rico. Nasi Jamford Guy. Jacob Banks. White Reaper. And overpacked Princess Nokia. Cautious Clay. Please stop.

Trevor Dan, you flow me. Bop, beep, flop, bop, bop. Okay. Can I just ask you? And last on the list, Jake Doobie. Okay. How bad does Jake Doobie feel? Sucks.

Like, he gets called. You're going to be in Lollapalooza. Really? Yeah. Yeah, Jake Doobie. He looks at the poster and he's the last guy out of 10,000 names. Let's see him.

There he is. Jake Doobie right there. Right there. Click on him. There's Jake Doobie. Jake Doobie. Jake Doobie. Right, so then he shows up at Lollapalooza. They don't even give him a trailer.

Right? So he's just kind of standing next to the bathroom. Just in an empty port apartment. Yeah, and he's leaning. And people are like, who is that guy? That's Jake Doobie. Oh, is that Jake Doobie?

What is he doing here? I'm set to go on and running. No. Wait, look at the real... Dude, if he's last on the thing, he's at 3 in the morning. Well, he's in one of the far tents on the other side. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

The mini tents. Is that where the bathroom is? No, that's just where Jake Doobie's doing his show. This is so mean. Poor Jake Doobie. Find out he's a huge fan of ours. Wait, let me find out the real Jake Doobie, because that obviously is not him, Pete, clearly.

That's not Jake Doobie. Just Jake Doobie musician. Yeah, music. Oh, I guess that's Jake Doobie right there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, when you... Wait, that is Jake Doobie. That's really him.

When you Google an artist's names and there's only three photos of him, it can't be good. Jake Doobie. No, but that... I feel bad, but... Like, when the... Who's that woman?

Who's that woman down there? That's Jake Doobie. That's his sister. Yeah. That's Jacinda Doobie. Here's Jake Doobie. That actually is. And here's his... Whoa, okay. This makes no sense.

Oh, yeah. His one song on Spotify has 2,300 plays. That's it. 2,300. Wow. That's... And Alive has what?

Daddy Why You Die has more plays. Way more plays. Yeah. I know we're gonna have to blank this out, but let's hear for a second of it. This is Jake Doobie. We'll just play some other music over it so the listeners know.

Yeah. Yeah. We'll play Daddy Why You Die over this. Daddy, I love you. Daddy, why you die? I would run to this. This is the music I run to

when I go running. Oh, really? So you're... Oh, I thought you... This is what I thought you meant. I thought this is what you meant. Shout out to Jake Doobie. I like your music, Jake Doobie. This is what I thought you meant.

I see you in a coffee shop. I thought you meant I'd run to him that you're watching the Foo Fighters, but then you hear that song and you ran to the tent to go see him. Jake Doobie's playing everybody. I'm coming, Jake Doobie.

I see you in a coffee shop. He only had one song, so you show up and it's like the last... And then, wait, and then it's I see you in a coffee shop. Thank you as I get to the tent. Do it again, can you do it again? Doobie, one more time.

I feel so bad for Jake Doobie. I like Jake Doobie. Download his fucking song. You know what? Let's promo Jake Doobie. Guys, go download Jake Doobie's song I See You in the Coffee Shop. Is that the name of the song? That can't be the name.

No, the song is called Run Into You. Yeah, yeah. Oh, how weird. I said I would run to it. Run into you. Let me see the lot of pollusive, the list again. If you show it, I'm going to read it all. Zoom in at the Down at Jake Doobie. The Aqua Dolls.

I know who they are. Oh, Tyler and Post Malone Foo Fighter. Foo Fighter is still killing it. Dude, see how dominatory he is? Who? The Foo Fighters are still relevant. It's been 30 years, dude. It's incredible.

Well, I'm not... Yeah, maybe 30 years now, right? Yeah, it's incredible. Wow. Some of their albums are just like... Just classics. I mean... Classics. Dave Grohl might be the most talented musician

of our generation that I've been a lot... He was alive. Who's lasted longer than him? It's also funny. It's like he's the drummer of... You know who Dave Grohl is? No. Don't tell her.

Dave Grohl is in the band Foo Fighters. Show a picture of Dave Grohl. But he's a multi-talented musician. I want you to guess what band he was in first. Because he was in the most popular... I know. What? Nirvana.

Yeah. How did you know? Did you see it? You read it. No! Because I listened to Nirvana and I saw it speak. Really? What song do you like from Nirvana? Lithium.

Oh, Lithium is a good song. Yeah. How do you like smells like teen spirit? You do? Sing it. Sing it right now. I only know the chorus. I only know the chorus.

When the lights up Is this dangerous Here we are now In its anus As the stupid You're so stupid. You're so stupid as political violence. Political murder.

We do got to help you with your English accent. Try it. Try it really with English. That's how she sounds. Dude, she sounds like a British woman. There's no such thing as Political murder. Political violence.

Political violence. Yeah, that's pretty good. Political violence. Political violence. Yeah. Try South African. Do you want first and I'll do it. South Africa.

South Africa, bro. South Africa. This thing is political violence, bro. This thing is political. This thing is political violence, bro. There's no such thing as political murder, bro. There's no such thing as political bombings, bro. Now do Hawaii.

You know Hawaiian, dude. You go first. I always go to Jamaica. There is no such thing as political violence, bro. Bro. Should we do our Chinese portion now? We've been learning Mandarin. We've been learning Mandarin.

We want to apologize. We have one last story. I'm doing my best, John Cena. We're apologizing to China right now because they're mad at us. Do you know this? Chinese government wrote us a letter to cease and desist. This show. Why?

Fancy, what did they say? The Chinese government wrote us they didn't want us to do the show anymore. What did they say, Fancy? Bad friends? They say Bob is very disrespectful to our... Towards the Chinese people. What? What did they say? I don't know. They have a whole...

Ching Chong stuff. You said that one time and I think they got really mad about it. I never said Ching Chong. Really? You know how many times you've done an Asian accent on the show? Out of respect for you. Never done that. Oh, you've done it. Yes, you have.

That seems racist. That's what you do. When I'm impersonating you. And then you had that one guy call me, right? What guy? I can't tell you the guy's name, but there was a guy that you made stew an Asian accent on the phone. He was Asian.

Yes, he was. I found out who it was and it was a fucking Hispanic guy. It is a Hispanic guy. Exactly, so you do... China doesn't care about me because I'm not Asian. What did the Ching Chong say? Tell me what the Ching Chong said. Was the email going

Ching Chong, Ching Chong, Ching Chong or was it in English? It was in English. Read it to me then. Read it to me. Read it, fans. I don't have it here. I have to paraphrase. OK, paraphrase. Bad friends, you guys are going to be prohibited in China.

We're not going to stream in China. Do we have any fans there? You guys have a few people. We do. We definitely get China streams, dude. Mostly because of Bobby Lee's attitude towards Asians in general. That's bad to hear,

Bob. Is that how you want us to live our careers? Stop, stop, stop. Here you go. Top listening countries to bad friends. US, Canada, Australia, United Kingdom, Sweden, New Zealand, Ireland, Norway, Germany,

Netherlands, Denmark, Finland, Puerto Rico, Iceland, South Africa, Mexico, Japan, France, Austria, Belgium, Philippines, oh, Philippines. Spain, Singapore, Spain, Singapore, Switzerland, South Korea, India, Saudi Arabia, Italy, Portugal, Poland, Hong Kong, Iran, Brazil,

United Arab Emirates, Israel, Malaysia, Romania, Czech Republic, Taiwan, Thailand, Guam, Estonia, Hungary, Vietnam, Indonesia, Kuwait, Chile, Greece, Russia, Slovenia, Latvia, Turkey, Serbia, Egypt, Argentina, Costa Rica, Morocco, Iraq, Slovakia, Ukraine, Colombia, Bulgaria, Lithuania,

Kenya, Peru, Panama, Jamaica, Bahrain, Guatemala, Dominican Republic, and China's not on here. Yeah, because you guys were banned. We got banned because of you. So thanks a lot. Now, China can't stream us. Can I regroup? I can save it. Well, then try to apologize and regroup. Okay. Dear China.

Is that how you say it? I think dear China. Yeah, yeah. I think you say dear China. I'm not Chinese, so I can't say Chinese people. I'm going to say dear Asians. Yeah. Dear Asians who happen to be in China. Dear Asians who currently live in China. Yeah. Which is, okay, dear

Asians who happen to be Chinese who live in China. Perfect. You know what I mean? Yeah. I love you. Right? I love your sweet and pungent shrimp. Love sweet and pungent shrimp. Yeah. I love your sweet and pungent shrimp.

I love the New York New York style egg rolls. New York style egg rolls are so good. Better the best. And I know that it's not you Chinese people that created the New York Chinese. That's American Chinese. That's American Chinese, but still you are the foundation

in which the New York came up from. That's right. It has to be based on something. Your influential. It's like the Beatles like was influenced by some jazz, I guess, or blues and stuff. And so the Beatles played homage to Chinese people are the Beatles

of egg rolls. Of egg rolls. Yeah. Right. So congratulations. Thank you so much for Chaoyun Fat. Chaoyun Fat. Shout out to Chaoyun Fat. Chaoyun Fat. Crouching Tiger. So good. Yeah. And whatever. Everything. Everything that he's done. Everything that he's done.

He's phenomenal. Thank you so much for Jet Li. Love. Thank you so much for Jackie Chan. Love. Thank you so much for the Martial Arts. Yep. Dude, it's like without the Martial Arts. Taekwondo. Yeah. It goes like, I'll tell you in terms of like self-defense.

It goes guns. Guns are the best. Best, right? It goes semi-automatic guns. Rockets, warheads. Yeah. In terms of that, right? Right. And then it goes to like knives. Swords, knives. Swords, knives. Those types of things, right? Yeah. Cutlery.

Yeah. And then Haya is third. Third. Haya is third. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So if you're in a Chinese village somewhere... My head fell off again. I know. This is the fifth time you've done this. Exactly. Um, here's another thing is

I'm sorry. There's things I'm sorry about. What are you sorry for? I'm sorry about the earthquakes. Well, you didn't cause them. I know, but there's a lot of people that got damaged from it. You know what I mean? There is. Oh, congratulations on the wall. In fact... It's great. In fact, I want to invite you

to make our wall. Because you guys made that wall thousands of years ago. We can't even... There's holes in our walls. We can't build one. People are climbing over it. Why don't you guys make our wall? Donald Trump. We'll get the Chinese to build it. They built a wall. A great wall.

It was long. Here's another thing about this. Dear Chinese people, China. You want to come build our wall? Yeah. Um, thank you so much for the clothes. Clothes. Right. Technology. Technology. Um... Sign off to China and say thank you, China.

Thank you. Thank you. I love... Here's a thing. Let's go back to the Asian thing. Is that... So, there's this new generation of kids that are woke. Sure.

I've had people like Ali Wong come up to me and go, it's so crazy the kind of shit that you used to audition for. Yeah. The stuff that was available to you and you were able to survive in that world. 95% of the things that I was offered is with Asian accents

or some demeaning role. Sure. And I'm getting way better shit now. Of course. So, there was a time in the world where I had to survive and show business by playing this little game, you know, of being like, talking about where am I raised and making fun of it and this and that.

And also, like, trying to, you know, fight against it. It was a weird kind of place that I was in. Of course. And so, a lot of my humor, like, people... I'm not... Like, guys like Ronnie Chang probably don't talk

about their race and this and that. But I still make fun of it and stuff and I think, is that really trying to mad or no? No, of course not. They don't even know we exist. Less than 1%. Then why did we do that? Just for a gag. Oh, then I don't know. Forget what I just said then.

Yeah. No, but what you're saying is what we've said on the show before. It's just out of love. Ship station! Oh, I love ship station. You know, I use ship station in my own private businesses. Bad friends. And I also have it on my belly.

And it's just the most reliable service. It is, man. Look, if you're selling your crafts online, this is the only place that you should be using right now at Ship Station. They make it easy to manage your orders and get products out the door so you can get back to doing what you really love is growing the business.

It's also the number one choice of online sellers. You can import orders from any sales channel, ship with any carrier using Ship Station's deeply discounted rates, and automate just about any shipping task. It's not a mystery. Over 100,000 online sellers are choosing Ship Station. No matter how you sell Shopify, Etsy, your own website, they funnel all your orders into one simple interface

that you can manage from anywhere, even your cell phone. You'll even get access to amazing discounts with major carriers like UPS, FedEx, USPS. Easily compare carriers and choose the best solution every time. It's incredible, man. Ship more and less time for a lot less money. Use our offer code BADFRIENDS to get a 60-day free trial, two months for free, no hassle, stress-free shipping.

Just go to ShipStation.com, click on the microphone on the top of the page, and type in BADFRIENDS. That's ShipStation.com, offer code BADFRIENDS. Make ship happen. Keeps. You know, I have a private friend named somebody. Who? Andres?

Yeah, somebody. All right. And this is for him. Okay, so Keeps, right? If you have hair loss for men, we all do. Keeps will save you. It does, man.

Yeah. Two out of three men, Andres, will experience some form of hair loss by the time they're 35. Yep. Andres, don't feel bad because more than 50 million men in the US suffer from nail pattern baldness. And there are only two FDA-approved medications that can prevent hair loss.

Keeps offers both, Andres. They offer a simple, stress-free way to keep your hair. Convenient virtual doctor consultations and medications delivered straight to your door every three months so you don't got to leave your home. Look, every dude has thinning hair as they get older. We all do. That's what happens.

Low-cost treatments start at just $10 a month and Keeps offers generic versions. So it's not super expensive. Just repackaging, proven results. They have more five-star reviews than any of its competitors. Prevention is the key. Keep that hair. Treatments can take four to six months to see results.

So act fast. If you're ready to take action and prevent hair loss, go to Keeps. That's K-E-E-P-S.com. Slash Bad Friends. To receive your first month of treatment for free, that's Keeps.K-E-E-P-S.com. Slash Bad Friends.

To get your first month free, K-E-E-P-S.com. Slash Bad Friends. Are you going to congratulate her or no? What did she do? They won their first gold. The Philippines won their first gold. What was it in?

Weightlifting, the girl. Los Breivikus are being part of plot against Duarte. What is Duterte? The president. Oh, that's the president of the Philippines? He is the... They were trying to kill him? No.

Duterte? Duterte. He is one of the worst leaders on planet Earth. Does he kill his own people? He makes lists, right? And he does it... Let's get on his list. You and I.

No, no, I don't want to be on his list. Because I want to go there. I don't... So what? Let's get on his list. You want to fight Duterte? We'll fight him and win. No, no, we're not...

How big is the Philippine army? Really? Duterte. 17 dudes? You don't want to fuck with Duterte. Why don't you want to fuck with Duterte? Why not? Why can't I fuck with Duterte?

Because they do shit like... You know what I mean? Torture stuff? No, but like... For instance, a social media girl in the Philippines, right? Says something bad about her. And then she goes scuba diving. They'll just find her dead body floating in the ocean.

Oh, yeah. Cool mafia shit. Yeah, that's cool. They do shit like that. We do that in America. We're just better at hiding. I know, we don't hide it. But like, so she won the first gold...

For weightlifting. For weightlifting. Do you know what she lifted? I don't know. This is the pride of your fucking country. And you don't know anything about this? I know her first name. What is it?

Haidilin. Haidilin. And what's her last name? I forgot. Good. That's good. The first gold medal in the history of your country. But when she wins, you cannot...

You have to shed a tear. She makes... She made... Like, Jocoy went crazy. Noted. Jocoy went, oh, I... Noted Oliver's belly. Like, he went...

People went crazy, dude. Is Jocoy a hero in the Philippines? A lot of people like him. When she won, and he... She came... Because I think she was outspoken... Outspoken against Duterte. Duterte.

Right? And... Good for her. Because they get no money. Like, before... Now, before... Olympians. There's no money in a field.

There's no... You know what I mean? There's no facility. You already have the gold. Forget them. Gold is gold. And it would be good for you to just let bygones be bygones and dwell solely on your victory.

That's what the Philippine president said. It's crazy, right? He's trying to say, like, Shut your mouth. She comes back. Or we'll kill you. And they're like... They gave her, like, $200,000, you know that?

And some guy that owns, like, property goes, I'll give you this apartment that's worth $250,000. So she got a bunch of shit. Yeah, I hope so. She's the only gold matter. They should treat her like she's the queen. Yeah. There must be, like, murals.

There should be. They're just making murals about her. Let's see how much weight she lifted. Can I find out what... Well, just look at the video. Oh, sure. Overwinning. Just, you know...

This is her moment. This is it. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Did she jerk it? Oh, she's crying. Diaz did.

She did. Three white lights. It's gold for the Philippines. Wow. Oh, my goodness. Wow. This is absolutely unbelievable. Dude.

At long last. At long last. Yeah, I actually do, too. The Philippines with its first ever Olympic gold medal. Yeah. In any sport. And it comes in women's weightlifting. When she gets on to the Philippines,

she gets handed, like, three chickens. That's all she gets. It's three chickens and a bore. It's not that impressive. So. Why? That's just heavy stuff above your head. Bro, bro, bro.

Okay. That's just heavy stuff above her head. Okay. Have you seen Tec Wando? I loved Tec Wando. It's the worst thing I've ever seen. What do you mean, Olympic Tec Wando? Yeah.

It's the worst thing I've ever seen. Clearly, I'm joking. That this is very impressive. Very impressive. It's very impressive. Gold medal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you.

We've got great news. George Kimmel no longer has more followers on Instagram than Fancy B. Oh, my God. What a great week. We did it. We did it. Bad Friends Family. We did it.

Fancy B officially has 20,000 followers on Instagram. And what does George have? What does George have? And George has 17,000. Oh, and he'll never catch up. Never. Guys, we want to keep this going. So please follow Fancy B.

Yeah. Show the page again. Because, you know. Fancy B dot one. Bad Friends Rudy has almost 80,000. And I want Fancy to catch up. Let's get to 80,000 with Fancy. Fancy.

You've got to post a little bit more, though. Can I just say something else then? Uh-huh. I think anyone following George listening right now, unfollow George. Please unfollow. I want him to go lower, right? So that we can get him a little cushion, right? So I'm telling you right now, and I'm going to say something right now.

I'm going to look directly into the camera, right? Because I'm kind of like a shaman in many ways. Correct. Right? And I'm a good luck charm. Correct. So to our listeners, we're very grateful for what you've done. Big time.

Right? We have the best fans in the whole world. But I also have connections with the spirit world. He definitely has. And what I want to say to you is this. If you, right now, if you follow George Kimmel, if you unfollow him, right? Good things are going to happen for you this year. You're going to have gifts that you never thought you would receive.

Money. Some money. If you're single, some tang. Love. Some tang. Some little bit of tang tang is coming your way. Some tang, right? If you're a woman, real good dick.

Real good dick. Like the high quality. Like. We would suck it. We would. We would suck it again. That's what you're going to get. Right.

You're going to get prosper. Prosperity. Yeah. Health. Good health. If you have a limp, limp's gone. Limp is gone. Yeah.

Yeah. If you have a carpal tunnel, you can play fucking ping pong. Now you can get back to ping pong. Yeah. Get back in there, right? So please, I'm telling you. And if you don't unfollow him. Uh-oh.

Uh-oh. Oh my God. Are you going to tell him what's going to happen? Yeah. You're going to have joint aches. Joint aches. Right. You have fever dreams.

Fever dreams. Right. Night sweats. Night sweats. And you're not just going to have wet dreams. They're not wet dreams. Good. Wet dreams.

You're going to piss yourself every night. Yeah. And what I've also, when I do some of these shaman prophecies. Right. And I don't know why, but your eyebrow hairs fall off. They all fall out. Yeah. They just start falling off.

Oh no. Like ash. What happens to their, what happens to their toes? They crinkle. They curl up. They curl up and crinkle. Like the Wizard of Oz. Yeah.

And they look real nasty. Oh gross. Yeah. Also what happens is indigestion problems. Well, so stomach. Tell me stuff. Yeah. You want stomach?

Like it's like not crowns, but crowns. It's close crowns. It's basically crowns. So please. Right. I don't want this to happen to you. Me neither. So please.

And also it's hilarious. It is very funny. So please. It's hilarious. So please unfollow George Kimmel. Here's the goal. Yeah. We've got a, we've got.

How many months left in the year? Four. August, September, October, November, December. Five months left. Yeah. Five months we've got to get fancy B. To 80,000. To 80,000.

And George to 1000. And George to 1000. That's our goal. Fancy needs to be near her. And George needs to be near an open mic. An open mic. Yeah. Or below.

Yeah. So. Please God. Please guys. We were begging you. We want this to happen. So I'm going to do a thing. Now it's real.

Wow. It's real. Did you feel that? Yeah. You felt it, right? You did. Yeah. I'll do one more.

Oh. That made it. That's real. You felt it in your soul. Right here. Right here. Your soul went jiggly. Jiggle jangles.

Jiggle jangles your soul. Fancy. You got to post more. If this is the deal, he's putting out all this. No, you know what? I'm going to do this, right? Oh. And my thing is, you don't even have to post fancy.

I believe the fans are just going to do it. Okay. Yeah, yeah. But I do. Just going to do it. But also post more fancy. Maybe post more. Post a little bit more.

Yeah. 66 posts is not enough. It's fancy be period one. So keep Rudy where she is or gain a few more. But fancy's got to shoot up. He's got to get. If Rudy's attitude doesn't change. Oh, then you're up next on the chopping.

Yeah. I'll do another prophecy on you, man. Right. But she doesn't care. Okay. Well, then we'll delete your account completely. Yeah. Would you, would you delete your account? Yeah.

If you want. Oh, so we'll delete it right now then. And you'll be completely fine with it. Yeah. She, well, she doesn't, she's so cool for to not care. She's too young. The life, life is so good. Nothing matters.

Such a great line. Yeah. And we're just older. She's clean cat pee. Good. A lot. Dude. Yeah.

A raccoon pooped on my front doorstep. Unless that was you. It was me. It was me. I cleaned up the biggest pile of shit I've ever seen in my life. In your front doorstep. Front door. And I looked on my camera, the camera.

Yeah. Nothing. It was me. It was? Yeah. Can I tell you something? You would play a good raccoon. No, I do ninja shits.

You do ninja shits? Yeah. Yes. You can't even see me on the fucking camera. Yeah. Yeah. I flip, flip, flip shit, flip, flip out. Yeah.

In and out. You can't see me. I cleaned up the biggest pile of shit today and my dog because I... It would be funny though if you saw me shitting on your front. It was actually me. You shitting on my front doorstep? Would it be funny? Well, we'd have a shit off.

You want to do a shit off? We would have one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kalilah would be upset. I would have to clean it. That's right. Yeah, yeah. I did a shit off with Ari Shafir and it backfired on me.

Didn't he poop in a car? He pooped in someone's car, right? Not just the car, man. He saved up a month worth of shit, put it in the freezer. That's fucking repulsive. I know, but he did. He saved his own poop? Yeah, in a double bag, brown paper bag.

Oh my God. So what he did was he probably a month worth of shit and then what happened was he put it in the handle of my car. So I did this shit in my fingers, right? So I'm like, what the fuck? I opened the car, right? Yeah, poop on your hand. Right.

And then he has one on the window. Just one little turd. Right? So I go, I'll just do the fucking wipers. It was all on the wipers. So it wiped shit all over the place. It moved poop all over the fucking thing, right? So I went to a 7-Eleven down the street and I went to a homeless guy.

And I go, dude, if I get Windex and paper towels at 7-Eleven, will you clean this? He goes, how much? You told him it was poop? It was poop. You said it was poop? I go, 50 bucks. Nah. Nah.

I paid him $200. To clean poop off your car? Yeah. You didn't want to go to a professional car wash? It was at 2 in the morning. They have those car washes at the gas station? I don't know how to do that. So I just had the guy do it.

Played a homeless guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. $200? Yeah. And did you see that? He was so bomb doing it. He was like, fucking shit, motherfucker. All this juice shit.

I think he said juice shit, not me. He knew. He knew it was juice shit. But wait a minute. Yeah, yeah, yeah. $200? Too much? It's pretty good.

It's a good PD for homeless. It feels like a fair trade. Yeah. How much would you would it take for you to clean poop off of a car? If I threw poop on Bobby's car and you had to clean it off, how much does it cost? I can do it for free. Oh, that's a Filipino in her. That is the Filipino.

Yeah. No, charge. No, you have to charge. Yeah. $100. $100. That's a good rate. Less than the bum.

Less than a homeless person. Yeah. You know what? We got to build your self-esteem. We really do. Hey, man, you don't clean up shit for any less than $500. Okay. Okay?

Yeah. Is everything okay? Yeah. It's so funny because she doesn't realize that she has a lot of people out there, bad friends, fans. Bad friends, fans. Yeah. That love her, right?

To death. Like, you played Calusa, right? I played Calusa, yeah. If Rudy would have walked up on that stage, 800 people. They would have lost it. Would they have lost it? Yeah. Do they all ask about it?

They would have lost it. For you. And you don't feel anything. I do. What do you feel? What do you feel? Grateful. I don't buy it.

I don't buy it. I just don't buy it. Yeah. Yeah. I don't buy it. I am. Prove it. Prove it.

Why don't you do this? A little message. And this is not comedy. You know what I mean? This is a heartfelt message that you can give to our fans. To the bad friends family. Right? Please, the floor is yours.

Look into your- A public service announcement from Rudy. Into your camera. Hello, everyone. Whew. Not a good opening. Yeah. You gotta have something stronger than hello.

Like what? From your heart. Maybe go European. Like different language. That's right. European? Yeah. Why don't you say it in Filipino?

In what's your language? Toot toot. Bishaya. Bishaya. Bishaya. Go in and say it in Bishaya. Let's hear it. Hello, Atekuya.

Rudy or Jules. It sounds like a drunk Hawaiian. Yeah. Let me finish. Tiny bubbles. Tiny bubbles. In the wild. Go ahead.

I got some coffee. I'm thankful. I don't drink too much. I don't drink that much. I don't drink this much. Coconut. I heard coconut. They love coconut, right?

They look like they're from the Philippines. And yeah. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Is there no bye-bye? In Philippines? Bye-bye, dude. Is there no bye-bye in Philippines and what's goodbye? What's goodbye? There is a word, but I just say goodbye I forgot do you people do adults say bye-bye to each other in the Philippine language like in that language, right?

Do you guys use American words because you just didn't create like hot like hot like what words hospital is that? Emergency room do you just say emergency room or you know, you'll just see emergency room They don't have a word for emergency. I think there is but it's like a deeper meaning. It's a deep cut Yeah, you have to really be a fan of the language. What are some American words that everyone has to use because you didn't make one because you guys are There is it's just a harder word a harder word to say. Yeah, it's your for it's your language. That doesn't make sense Yeah, but in school they taught us English Oh, yeah, like like my dad right growing up he would go Do you go turn off?

Aircon aircon. Yeah air conditioner, right? Ergon orangey. What's orangey orange juice? Oh, oh, oh Yeah, is that what an orange is? I don't know. I don't see you go orangey I'll give him orange juice. I like that a lot. I gotta I wish we said yeah So there's just certain words that he would like, you know, he would just shorten up and throw in there Like I remember like I went to my friend Craig Crawford's house. Yeah, and his stepdad like we were going out one night You and his stepdad were going out. No, no, no, but Craig and I were going out. Oh, so stepdad You know how white families they'll sit down with their son is a hey guys So I know you guys are going to party but like make sure you have my number. Don't drink don't drink and drive

You can always always call me. I'm here all night. You know, I mean totally be see where your seat belt the whole thing, right? So I remember one time Craig came to my house and My dad his speech was this don't do Don't do That's it. Don't do don't do and was Craig like where I we won't do it We won't do we won't do it. Don't don't do don't which is so ambiguous because it's like now anything He doesn't want you to do anything. Yeah, but if I do anything it could be the thing that he didn't want to of course That's why he's in it. So like what did you do tonight?

It just slapped me right ever slap Craig. Do you think he ever would hit one of your friends? No, well my brother my brother. So my dad my brother Steve was with his friend David Oliver And my dad my brother had gotten this Casio keyboard thing. He's a sampler. Yeah, okay, so you go. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello, right? So they're just in my brother's room playing this thing laughing and They were a little too loud my dad was taking a nap. So my dad ran to the room Right completely naked He takes the Casio keyboard, right Slammed it on my brother's head. No keys are just flying

Right, and then here's the best. Here's the best part. He's the best part. Yeah throws it down. That's just wires My brother's crying. Mm-hmm. He turns around and David Oliver my brother Almost the human they almost got murdered because what they found on my dad was the funniest thing they'd ever seen what my dad had Toilet paper Staking out like a Korean like like a kite out of his ass Because my dad always had really moist ass cheeks. She would sleep with this toilet paper It is that we turned around and then like the my brother was crying But then they tried to cover because I don't want to get beat again because it was so funny

Wait, your dad would just put toilet paper in his butt. She's right in his fucking up ass cheeks Do you have to do that? No, but I do have a leaky thing like he does you do. Yeah, it's a redditary Yeah, yeah, why don't you sleep at night with the diapers or a pad? I don't refuse to do it Why you're gonna get older. It's gonna get worse knife stains. You do. Yeah, do most of your underwear has poop stains Yeah, right now me on these we But I do have a lot of shit stains, but it's hereditary that's I don't know if that is Well, you think that I don't finish shitting or I don't want to wipe. No, I don't think you finish I don't think you wipe properly. It's not finished. I do

Hello Tishi Yeah, wait, do you use do you use baby wipes? Don't don't be insulting Okay, dude, you told me that you have shit in your underwear. Listen, you're 50 I'm telling you right now. My 50 year old friend just told me he has poop streaks in his underwear What do you want me to do? I'm an inquiring. I'm telling you right now cha-cha, right? It's hereditary. It's not Pete Google is poop streak is put is is a leaky anus Yes, I do is a leaky anus hereditary Google loves this Fecal incontinence. You don't have fecal incontinence. I fecal incontinence. No, you don't that's a cotton. That's the name of your next special fecal incontinence

Bobby's album fecal incontinence inability control bowel movements. That's not true You can control all that and leak and forces the feces to leak unexpectedly from the rectum. You don't have that That's a 100% that's old people do that's like people in their 70s 80s. I have it, dude You do you think you're fecal incontinence 100% I have it really? Yeah, I don't have a good diet, too I think that's what it is. No, no bad diets don't just make you poop out of nowhere Well, if you eat like Reese's peanut butter cups love and I saw you bowls every day. That's all you eat Yeah, it'll happen. What did you eat today? I say well, I swear on my that's all you've had I swear on my mother's life. What do you eat for the day?

That's all you had today was eggs Yeah Greens what salad? Yeah, that's not a bad diet. I say he bowl and Reese's pieces is not you can't dude I have I know and I will I Have and I will okay speaking of which yeah your 50th birthday is coming up. Yeah, we have to do something important I'm gonna be a big party. I know but we have to do a bad friends thing. So we all decided without Bobby Right in And we're gonna pick a winner to come party with Bobby for his 50th birthday one of the bad friends fans more than one

Let's do 10. How many people do you want? Let's do a 10? How about this? Yeah, let's do a competition 10 fans 10 10 bad friends fans. They if they live in Southern Southern California. Yeah, you can come up and well where you get your mask and you have to be also vaccinated Sure, you have to have your vaccination card. Yeah, wait Wait, they didn't have to live here. They have to live close enough where they can get here on there If you want to fly if you will fly here That fly here for Bobby's 50th for my 50th and well because I'm gonna have one party Should just invite them to my big party a hundred percent. So I'm gonna have a big party where I would have all the comics there

Uh-huh and some actors and and and a lot of Filipinos Can you imagine how this is gonna be so big for them? What do they have to do to get to your 50th birthday party? They know what they have to do That's all I have to say They know what they have to do you're not gonna give them an email or anything so that how do they submit? Oh, yeah They have to submit that's true. You have to find out somehow some way that they want to come to your 50th birthday party Do we want them to send in a video explaining why they deserve to come to the to the party? Yeah Good have a good example. Why I want to party with Bobby at gmail.com because I want to feel like you're a real fan

Well, we need to know I need passion right right and I need Because I don't want you to show up and like, you know, what's your favorite episode or whatever? I'm like only seen two. I don't want that. You know, you want to die. I want somebody that's seen every week, right? You know, I mean also somebody that will give us like Helpful advice in terms of how we can improve at the show. Yeah, okay and what we need to keep doing Okay. Yeah, yeah, just different things but the top thing is positive analysis You got to explain why you think you deserve to come to Bobby's 50th birthday party because that's monumental

It's a half a century. It's huge. That's huge. Yeah, so hopefully the email will be I want to party with Bobby at gmail.com If it's not we'll put the real one right here on the screen. They'll find out. Yeah Yeah, the real one will be right here right now. Yeah, and we'll let you know what it is And do you think tens a lot? Ten seems like way too many. I said one. Yeah, let's make me ten. Well, how about let Rudy pick? I think ten is fine. All right, ten's fine Yeah, but it's gonna be here's how about this we'll do four Mm-hmm. You can bring a guest. Oh, that makes sense you plus one you plus one That's I like that right because you want to be go there alone that that would be right

But that'd be five. Oh, yeah, it's to do five five plus one is ten. Yeah And also just the person that you bring right just don't bring any crazies don't bring any crazies In fact, I want to know in the video who you're gonna bring that's fun explain why you're why you're bringing the person That's really good. I need a little bit of a pitch. That's what they're doing. Yeah. Yeah, yeah He's a Christian, right? He plays badminton for this call whatever it might be. You love badminton players I love that. That's a big thing. That's gonna be at the party. We're gonna badminton. Yeah, and then I'm probably gonna do it at a Restaurant. Well, we need a room. We need like a banquet room for it. No, I want a restaurant I'll rent out a restaurant. I know we got around the whole thing. I will Mastros. No something like I'm weird

Obscure obscure and weird but good food Chili's a place that we know. No, man. Chili's a good place. Chili's is great. Like how about like Mortons, but like one of those you know the palm just we think we get that so expensive. So what? Yeah, you know what we'll do. We'll take it from the Rudy fund We'll take the money from the Rudy fund. She'll never know all right. How will she know? She doesn't even know what's in there right now Yeah, what's it date? It's August today's August today is not we're August already. It's next month Yeah, dude, that's what I'm saying. We're gonna make a reservation now now We need to get on this right now. Oh, we do have to do it. Yes a hundred percent and do in invites

Yeah, yeah, we gotta do but we got to do a bit. We have to start now Yeah, who do I invite who do I invite who do invite to your party? I just named some people The Griffin for sure Eric. Yeah me for sure Um, Whitney Cummings. Yeah, yeah, okay, Rudy, right? Hey Yeah, those guys come Pete. Yeah, I like him Pete. Please submit a video to I want a party with Bobby Maybe a video. Yeah, I want Pete to make a video about fans. Yeah for sure and PD. Who's PD pink dick?

Yeah, yeah, okay fine. Yeah, he can come. All right. So outside of that. Who else some comics probably some actor I'm gonna go high ball into who famous. I'm gonna try for Jordan Peel. He won't be able to he'll never do it Yeah, I'm gonna try for Jamie Lee Curtis. Never. She'll never do. I'm gonna try for um, Keegan will come No, he won't won't come will not come sasso He'll come he'll come. Yeah, you make a big list in my head. I'm like what women a lot Nikki Glacier All the podcast people like Burke Reischer Tom Segura all those types of people Burt won't come. Hey, well He's just I'm saying he's on the road Those guys are all on the road and Segura lives in Austin now gone Joe Coyle invite. Would you invite Joe Rogan?

He's not in town, but I dare you to invite him. I will invite him invite him and see if he'll come for your 50th birthday I talked to him a couple days ago. All right name female comics that you want there a lot of my openers like Jake Cattopretta Yeah, um Nicole Amy Schreiber who opened for me Annie Letterman. Yeah, Nicole Amy Schreiber. I like this weekend. How great she so funny Yeah, I would go for mark maren bill burr those types of guys. Yeah, they won't come Bill bird that definitely dude I'm gonna come to you fucking Al madrigal fucking two kids. I went to his I went to his to bills. Yeah, but he's he's more famous than you

Yeah, he's not gonna come. I wouldn't invite him. Yeah, but I know he's gonna throw it right in the trash. Yeah, um Imagine he'll get the email and he won't even open the door Paulie will come Paulie will have to be there. I think he'll work there. I think he should He should serve drinks. Yeah It'll be a you'll know people it'll be honest with you We should have a dinner for our family like our close the close people Yeah, and your party should should be at the comedy store. No be in the main room I'm doing a 300 men party at a restaurant. Okay, fine. Okay. Anyway, thank you for

Submit Bob. I love you. Submit guys. I want a party with Bob a gmail.com email is a couple weeks two weeks Okay, yeah, and then so we'll find out who submits those videos Uh, excited to see that. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. All right, Rudy sign us off in in what's the language again? It's high. It's high. Say thank you for being a bad friend and passaya on the in the camera there Salamat For being a bad friend. No No, assalamu alaikum. No, you can't assalamu alaikum. Alaykum salam How do you what does salam I mean? Thank you. How do you say bad?

Naughty negative. No Sapa geeky is bad. Type this up so we can read this. Yeah. We want to do it together. I don't know what's bad friend in besaya Oh god, your friend. You don't know. What's friend? What's friend? Miga Miga or Miga? Go go to translate.com Thank you for being a bad friend. Let's see if it comes close. Yeah, thank you for being a bad friend All right, what it would see if this is close Rudy. All right the machine says Salamat

Sa panggang masing man kaminga. That's Tagalog though. All right fine then fucking go to google translate pizza we can get her the one that she needs google translate All right, what is it called v siren v with a v. Yeah, okay. See it there No Wow, it's not there. That's how much it's an it's a language only one island says right a couple of islands All right, what's the closest to god don't go to go to go to that try that one. That's fine. Sorry It's up there first top. So we'll just have to do it in Tagalog

Because you don't even know your own language. Oh, you don't like that. No, it's fine. No, no stop Pete Type this just type this in right where you're typing Tell him how to spell your version we want to do your justice Because philippines want a gold medal. This is the least we could do for the philippines. Yeah, but the the one that one might be This might be um speaking Tagalog So it's fine. Let me ask you something. God. Can you just go back? Can you go back? Can you go back to the philippines and go listen guys?

We're gonna do one language. Yeah Isn't that every island gets to their own fucking language? No, it's so small anyway. Yeah Type this in it's like Vermont, michigan all these states having a different language So, okay, is that close salamat salamat is good salamat. Tell us how to say it. Salamat salamat So you zoom in my eyes are blurred. There you go Great, that's great. So do that and go go Oh Being