Bad Friends - Fancy Is Back!

Episode Date: August 2, 2021

Thank you to our Sponsors: https://betterhelp.com/badfriends  & https://www.babbel.com/badfriends & https://www.bespokepost.com code: badfriends code:BADFRIENDS & buffy.co code: badfriends YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube Audio Subscribe: https://apple.co/31Jsvr2 Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com 0:00 Special merch announcement 1:58 Fancy B is back 7:17 "Conguitos" 10:36 Swimming with sharks 14:51 Rudy's new boyfriend, Diego 21:31 Meeting people before cell phones 25:00 Diego gets DMed by Andrew and Bobby from Rudy's phone 32:31 Internal poll: is Bobby a weasel? 37:55 Why Eleanor Kerrigan hated Bobby for years 43:23 Rudy disses Bobby 49:24 Sexy Beasts & Old Dating Show Clip 54:10 Monks & Masturbation 1:01:58 Gay Orgy at the Comedy Store Condo / If Andrew & Bobby were Gay 1:06:03 Dat Phan and Patrice O'Neal on Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Andres Rosende & Pete Forthun Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

So, hey guys, we have some new merch. New merch. This merch is very special. Yeah, it's special to us And it's gonna help somebody that we love so much and she's gonna she created a little written a little monologue a little monologue for To pitch it. Go ahead. So go ahead No, no, no, what the fuck Please buy the merch so I can pay for college and I can go to parties. Look sad. Look sad. Say, please buy I if you don't buy I don't have party and fun If you don't buy then I can't go to parties and I can't learn anything. Okay, show the shorts show the shirt and show the shorts Rudy. Yeah, go ahead and go to badfriendsmerch.com and buy that stuff for Rudy Jules so she can go to parties and have fun

Also, uh, I'm on tour interestantino.com. I'm going everywhere everywhere interestantino.com come see me baby You two are bad friends Who are these two idiots? White dude and an Asian dude You two are disgusting Who are you two or something? We're bad friends

I was in a good mood Coming here. No, I'm being real. I was in a really good mood coming here where I was singing songs be free together every day Be free to get that right now singing these songs I was making up. Yeah, and they come in here and as soon as you open your mouth It was like I like how high or up you are in the chair now. Yeah, you did this. No, I didn't do it I didn't do it Pete did it because he said just Bobby's getting longer He's getting wider this way and shorter this way. I think the more your belly growl Yeah, the lower you go to the earth, baby

Let's do some of these comedy Pete What the fuck man? Come on dude, the thing fell off the wall again Oh shit, sorry, sorry, sorry Dude, I asked him to screw Where's the remote? I thought the screws would work that we had. I'm sorry. I said give me one eighth of an inch and then what did you get me? I got the quarter inch

Yeah, you got a quarter inch dude. It's not even that hard to do Pete. No offense, but now we have to be at Home Depot In the middle of our shoes I'll be better Is that fancy? No way No way Fancy Fancy Get over here

What are you doing? Oh Hey guys What are you doing here fans? Well, you guys fired me from the show and I fell on hard times, but I'm working You guys need any help? No, we don't need any help. Yes, we need help at the show Get in the car, get back to the show

Get in the car I don't Get in the car, say goodbye to your friends and get in I will do it if you want my friends Okay, we could get him instead. You want me to get him? Okay Get in, get in Say goodbye

Hasta luego Fans Welcome back Fancy B Fancy B, but I have no Are you excited? Fancy is back Fancy I'll be honest with you

I'll be honest with you I didn't even know he was gone You didn't even miss him a little bit To the truth right now Fancy, I missed you so very much Rudy, did you miss the fans? Yeah, I missed you, Andres Thank you guys

I didn't know you were gone, so I didn't miss you But by seeing you now It's good to see you again Well, you definitely missed fans When's the last time I saw him? When we had Pete and Bryce, which is like Wait, I understand that But when I was

Did Fancy leave after I got back from Hungary? Yeah So I got back from Hungary, then he left He was gone, I think And then for a couple of weeks you were gone And where'd you go? I went to Spain to see my family Oh, because you hadn't seen them in a long time

In two years, yeah And what does Papa Andres look like now? He looks good How come you How come you don't look good Fancy? I think he's so He's so Oh, it does, is that what it is?

It's always like really handsome Right, and then just ugly ugly And then it goes back to handsome He's a cutie patootie, I missed him so very much And also, I want to make it aware Rudy's wearing her Rudy University shirt Rudy, show the shirt for the fans There it is

These Rudy University shirts are available now And Rudy is going to get this money For college, and what do we say? The money from the shirts is going for college No Coca-Cola No Coca-Cola In the nose

If we find out that they're using the money For something else, you're done for pal We'll sue you Also, you can't take the money And go on vacation with Diego What? Alright Is this like popping off? You have a real relationship now with Diego?

No, I don't have any I was going to tell you what happened though Yeah We're at the beach And Diego's there selling Coconut water Diego was there with his family Selling coconut water

And some sort of weird mushroom That he collected So he was there and Was actually like A cute Very handsome 5'9", 5'10", Just like kind of got

Keanu Reevesy hair Nice hair And he comes up and he goes It's not my fault that you're famous He comes to me That's a great line It's not my fault that you're famous Gotta get a photo dog

This guy's great I love this guy I got a half heart So I'm looking at him and we take the photo And he just kind of walks away Smooth He goes jives

Into the ocean The butterfly Oh he can swim Does he swim? Is it something he does? I don't know He said the back muscles shimmering in the ocean Are you sure you're not into it? And you know how

The bathing suit gets wet So you can see the ass cheeks better So he's doing Strokes and the ass cheeks Will come out somewhat How old is this boy? Legal Ass cheeks will stick out of the water

And I would like, ah, right I didn't know where he went So I kind of just walked around the beach To locate him again There he is, now he's on his back Not that I was looking But his little peepee was sticking out of the ocean And it was kind of like a buoy

To me it was like a buoy So I could follow the buoy To the water Almost like a shark Anyway What's the crispy? What's that noise? What's crunching? Fancy, your mic is on

Are you chewing or are you Turn your mic off This fucking piece of shit Dude you're a... I'm in the middle of a thing He thinks You're not safe What are you eating

Into the microphone Oh, my favorite candy What is it? It's called conguitas, it's amazing Give it to me, give it to us So you can't have it anymore I feel like a teacher Bring it into the office right now

Or you're going home pal Is it really your favorite candy? Is this real? What is it? Give it to Rudy What is it called? It's called conguitas Do you see it? It might be the most racist thing I've ever seen

Oh my god Oh my god, so the audience can see it at home Oh my god It's the most racist Fancy, fancy Conguitas means what? Let me just say something Do you want to guess?

But can I also say this, right? It's like when they were designing the M&M's Right, the little M&M's And they went to the brown M&M Some guy said, just don't put red lips on it You know what I mean? And conguitas was like, fuck it You have to put red lips on it

Holy shit, this couldn't be more racist It's the most racist thing I've ever seen It's so funny Conguitas It's chocolate It's peanuts Oh my god Oh my god

Oh my god Conguitas Oh my god Conguitas The delicious racist treat Oh my god Holy shit Do you like chocolate cover racism?

Conguitas I can't But can I be honest with you? It's worth it It's worth it That's how confident they are We're gonna put this racist thing But they'll still buy it

It's so fucking delicious They're so good, they can be racist Fancy, did you honestly bring those in And make the noise So you could do that bit? No Such a good actor No

Such a bad actor That is so funny though by the way But I'm just saying this is the way That worked to me Now thinking back So he's in Spain He's at like a store He sees Conquitos

How do you say 11? He's at the 7-11 And he looks at the thing I think this will be good for bad friends This is a good beat Yeah, so he brings it back He eats it live in front of us He makes the grapple loud

He eats like that So I don't know how it works But you know what, it worked for the program Thank you fans Rudy, I watched Did you post on your story in Hawaii Of you swimming with sharks? Why didn't you keep that video up?

Oh, I just posted it on my story It was so cool Did you swim with sharks? I did it the last time I didn't do it this time It was scary I think Because the time before

That I did it, I was with Kalyla and her sister And there was one point Where me and Kwynda, Kalyla's sister Was clinging onto the boat Like scared Of sharks They have all these rules What were the rules?

Did you lock eyes with it or no? You lock eyes with it Then you have to be above it Is that one of them? You can't flounder What's that, flounder? Don't be a cool little cute fish in the sea No, no, no

Don't move your limbs erratically What is that word? Floundering Don't flounder Whatever that is, don't do that But let me see something It's like that in the human world as well You look people in the eye

No, you do all those things You stay above them And you don't flounder And then the human beings That you live amongst, they act accordingly But you always have crazy ones You always have the Dahmers You have the guy that showed up

Virginia Tad On the edge A couple of loose sharks out there So when you're out there And they tell you the rules That necessarily doesn't mean That you can't get eaten Right, there can be rogue sharks

Right, so me and Quinda were out there And one shark was looking up at us And he goes, nah Oh, he was over it Yeah, I was doing all the things like this I just locked eyes and I could see him go, nah You know how they say that people A lot of times surfers get bit because it looks like a fish

Because the surfboard is bowed like this And then your arms are out So it looks like the limbs of a turtle or a fish For you, they look up It looks like a perfect little dumpling Just floating, a beautiful little A piece of bow, a piece of dim sum Just a beautiful piece of

Fried pork And veggies You could have said something like a seal No, like a pudgy seal I had to make it an Asian thing I know, but you do look like a seal Thank you I probably don't look like the humans

Like a regular human You know, like a lean I do this like a turtle They think you're a turtle They think you're on a surfboard This is literally what they see And I'm doing this with my face I'm scared

And then they're like, nah So one shark went up And then Quinda and I went to the surface We called out to the boat and we tried to climb on the boat Did it come near you? Right by our legs But this time when they went, I was like No, you're not doing it

You weren't scared at all, were you, Rudy? I was kind of scared, but when I got in Just lie, just lie No, I wasn't scared Wait, you were a little bit scared when you first got in You were? What calmed you down? When I got in the water and I saw them I just didn't care anymore

You just didn't feel threatened? Is this true? This is stupid I'm being a dumb guy But is it true that they don't allow you to go in If you're on your period, do they ask women if you're on your period? No, it doesn't matter Why? Blood, blood and water

No, but they can just smell any leakage of blood So if I have, like, I bite my nails Seriously, if there's blood in the water, they can smell They can smell blood from miles away I have like blood farts Like if I fart in the ocean Blood fart guys can't go in, that's their rules, they said People with their periods, blood fart guys

Maybe that's what it was, because I would do blood farts In the water Like a bubble, like a red bubble in the ocean So you're swimming And it's a red bubble And the sharks go, yum I'll just gobble up the bubble You know what I mean?

Blood farts Back to Diego, I know you want to go back to Diego You thought I was going to go away from him No, I knew we were going back He's a nice guy, we're not making fun of him, right? So he's, how old is he? 20? 21? He was there with his family, he's from San Diego

So we go Go swim, right? Because she said that he was cute And yes, Diego, she thinks you're cute Wake up Obviously, she thinks you're cute Diego Also Diego, she's the costar Of a very popular podcast

No, no, no, the most popular podcast One of the most popular podcasts Let's equate it to music back in the late 60s It would be, we're Mamas and the Papas, we're Bee Gees We're the Bee Gees She's Maurice Gibbs 100%

So who am I? You're Barry, you gotta be Barry I'm the one with the fucked up face You're the one with the fucked up face The teeth But you're Maurice, right? So we're the Bee Gees Anyway, she was too shy to do it

We kept pushing her But her sister came up Who's sister? Diego's sister How old are they? Diego's sister was 23 A little bit older, a little bit more confident My brother said that you were famous

I just don't know who the fuck you are Ooh, a little cocky Yeah, smooth I liked it My first reaction, I wanted to go Right on the face But I went Good

So she says My brother says you're famous You say, yeah bitch No, I go You have to play Humble, so I go Yeah, not a lot of people do It's a cult thing So then

Diego comes out of the water Looking like a snack Looking like a congitos Looking like a chocolate covered peanut Here comes the congitos It was Diego, not Ian Edwards It was Ian Edwards Yeah, okay

It was Diego, not Devon So he comes out and They exchange information Right? Are you embarrassed right now? I'm being genuine when I say this How does this go in your generation now? When you say, is it right away like let me get your number Or is it like let me get your

Instagram or how does that work? Instagram Yeah, it's Graham, see that's so funny Instagram Our generation, it was always like You'd have to ask the girl for her number Your home number Can I have your home number

You can never get them at home either You would call 20 times a day This is what happened, literally And the dad would answer Hang up, immediately I was so scared I always wanted like answering machine I loved answering machine

And then here's the thing, I would leave a message Like if I met a girl And then I wouldn't leave the house for 3 days Just waiting for them to call back Dude, this is so funny You had no postmates or anything like that So you'd just be sitting there I'm not going to eat food for a day and a half

You wouldn't even go to another room because you'd miss the call I can't miss this call So you're just staring at the phone for like 24 hours God, that's so funny, you guys will never know That feeling of like when you leave a message So if I called a girl and her mom answered Then I could handle it But if the dad answered or the brother

Oh my god, I'd throw the fucking phone But the brother's like, what's up? I'm like fuck this, I would hang up immediately Because the brothers already hated you So you weren't going to be like Hey man, what's up? What do people do when they were like Late for work

You're in the car, right? You were just allowed to be late Are you sure? Well then you'd show up and you'd go Sorry I was late, there was an accident And because they couldn't check it on social media They were like, oh there must have been an accident Oh you could say anything

You got away with everything Yeah, there was a gigantic lizard I thought it was Godzilla first And everybody, your boss was like Wow, lizards are out again Well good luck in the office Better help Bob

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Where do we have to go Bob Download the free anchor app Or go to anchor.fm To get started I remember going to the movie theater I never forget I was meeting my friends Matt, Brent, Sean

At the movie theater And something was miscommunicated The timing or something Right I get there Nobody's there Yeah Nobody's there

Yeah My mom dropped me off This is the thing I couldn't text mom come back No, I'm there alone Yeah At the movie theater What did I do

I watched the movie by myself Yeah I went in and watched the movie And then when I came up My mom picked me up And she's like, how was it I was like, nobody was here Yeah

I was here by myself And then I realized when we I got home I called them And they're like, no tomorrow We're going tomorrow Okay, I already saw it So now it's I can't go

There was no way to go Oh shit, we screwed up It's tomorrow No, you just have to like Live through those moments You were around when When you got auditions You had to show up at your agency

To get the sides Please, and also You had to fucking do the Stupid like slate videos In their office And hand them a headshot You'd have to go get your headshots Print it out

Hand them the headshots Stand there And they would take photos Yeah And you just gave them a fucking photo Yeah And then they would do a video Of you going

Hi, a six foot one And then turn to the side And then turn to the side And then you'd give them all your shit Read your shit And then get out Well, we would My agency had a filing cabinet

In an alleyway outside the agency And they would say, you know The office is closed But go to the filing cabinet So that you would show up You would drive all the way To Beverly Hills or wherever Right

You'd wait in line With other actors To get the sides To get the sides And some guy doesn't know His last name And then you would You'd spend two hours doing this

That's insane And then you'd get it finally And your line is Yes, I can Or whatever It's one line And then you're just like Super salad

And then you don't get it Then you don't get it either Of course you're not going to get it You show up the next day You don't get it No It's the worst Those days are all gone

Now you have the easiest convenience Of let me get your Instagram So he gets your gram Back to Diego Our favorite congitos So he gets your Instagram And you go hit me up on the gram And I'll talk to you later

And then he goes away Yeah You weren't chatting a little bit Um, he just asked If I was related to Tito Bobby And you said yes Yeah And then that's what else

We're not Yeah But for this it doesn't matter Oh, but in certain In circumstances Some circumstances you use that Of course But in other circumstances

You don't Like we're at a restaurant And I'll go That's my daughter And she'll go No, he's not We're not blood related You just see that out loud

I don't know I just happen to live with You know what I mean She goes into an explanation But when it comes to fucking Diego You go You use it to your advantage You would do the exact same thing

Anyway, they've been Doing messages back and forth Okay, so you DM Instagram No, but no phone number exchange yet No phone number Just right Does it ever go to phone number

Or no I don't know She doesn't know how to do it That's what we're going to help her Is this the first time DMing with a boy like this? Kinda Ooh

Yeah, he lives in San Diego So I was telling her To just go Here's something that Rudy doesn't know We've hacked your phone Bring up the DMs, Pete We have them right here We'd like to read them out loud

Yeah But what she has to do Is take a risk and go At least Hey, if you're ever in LA Let's hang out Something like that Or invite him up to LA

Yeah, yeah Why don't you invite him up Be like, come up here Let's watch a movie Or have dinner on a movie Would you do that? No, it doesn't seem interesting Can you do this?

And this would like Really show me If you won't If we'll think Why? If you think we're blood related And we're really close Yeah

That means trust And there's like a, you know A bond A big bond And a trust that you and I have And it would really show me a lot If you just gave me Your Instagram right now

No I guess there's no trust No trust And just listen And we won't I promise you We won't send it Until we get your okay

That message I think that's Let's do it I don't trust you No, no, no Rudy Rudy Rudy

Rudy I promise you I promise you I won't send it This is for the show And if I send it How about this? If I do send it

Without your approval We keep mama Okay Okay Oh my god Now she wants you to send it Yeah, yeah All right

So throw the DM over there And we're not going to be able To put it up to show the fans So you have to dictate everything Because we can't show them I'll dictate it I'll dictate it Yeah

Wait Don't start deleting stuff now I won't Great This is a breakthrough moment For you guys I know Bring it over here

All right Slow down Slow down You don't want to be that Kind of parent, you know Give me the fucking thing When are you not in pajamas By the way

I know It's unbelievable Like where are some adult clothes So we need to buy you some clothes Okay I just wanted one thing That makes me want to bomb it Already

Do you want me to do it So it's less harmful for you Because she knows I'm not going to text them No, no I just want to say You just said George is the best

What does that even mean So you're lying I like George He's not the best He's not even close to being the best Yeah, he's middle He's fine He's okay

He's fine He's normal George is the best I want to see what you type in it He's not going to type anything yet Can I just say this right now And time out real fast Oh

George has 16,000 followers I want to say this for my fans right now Because Fancy and I went to lunch today George has 16,000 Fancy has 15.9 He is about to pass George on Instagram And you know how mad George is going to be Please

Please follow Fancy Beast Please put follow Fancy And we'll put it right down here It's Fancy B period one Fancy B period one Please follow Fancy We love it So I just want to

This is the kind of She's playing a game What Just let me finish Don't yell We'll cut this out If you're too uncomfortable about it Bob

We're not going to cut it out I know So I just want to So at 12.52 today Right PM PM Today

Post meridian He goes How does it feel like to be back in LA? How does it feel like to be back in LA? To her right No response from her Let's hear what it sounds like from a Spaniard Let's hear how he would say it

Go ahead Fancy How does it feel to be back in LA? Rudy Right But no response from her Oh cold So now he's kind of waiting around He's like

No response So he gives another thing Uh oh Diego Diego Uh oh Diego Actually How long have you been in LA for? Let's hear it Fancy

How long have you been in LA for? Oh it sounds desperate It's so desperate It's so desperate Right so and then you have a response about Why not Cuz I don't want to yet

We're really blowing up your spot So let's respond then Yeah Yeah because you know By the way We're not making fun of Diego Or your DM exchange And if it was very private

We would never talk about it on the show That being said We're showing Diego live on a show How rude you are Rude For not responding I'm not No that is rude

Yeah it's so rude So rude Let's respond Bob How long have you been in LA? How about like Um You know For a while but I haven't really met

Anyone quite like you Oh my god For a while For a while For a while For a while For a while Hold on hold on

Make a joke first Alright Make a joke first like Like uh The boat sunk after I got over here Something like that Yeah yeah yeah How long have you been in LA?

How long have you been in LA? For um Like say Long enough They'll say like 80 suns Or something like that 80 suns Make like

Yeah 80 suns A really lame missing point 80 suns No how How long have you been in LA? Almost three years Three years Three years but it feels like

You know No don't say three years Look Three years is what Three times three is Say over a thousand suns Okay Alright

Over a thousand suns Over a thousand suns Let's see if he gets that Yeah Over a thousand suns Over a thousand suns Because in the Philippines That's how they refer to a day

Is a sun Now do I have my permission to Yeah To send this Over a thousand suns Over a thousand suns Send I could have to do so much damage control

I sent it Alright Over a thousand suns And since he did two What are you What are you I agree I think it should be back to back

Tiffer tat Tiffer tat And because now And you should say now You're gonna answer the first question Yeah And the first question was what Can I

You did a thousand suns I wanted to do my own message Go ahead Yo son Yo son You looked hella rip on that beat BTW BTW

Yo son Yo son No no BTW What's BTW By the way BTW You looked hella ripped

Yeah by the way You looked hella ripped Hella ripped Hella ripped Hella ripped Hella ripped Ripped On da beach

D-R-A-P-E-T Ripped on da beach And then what's another good phrase Beach cuz I just want to say C-C-C-U-H is cuh It's like bruh It's like a new

Can you C-U-H Cuh C-C-U-H C-U-H You looked hella ripped Let's read it BTW You looked hella ripped on da beach cuh Can I send it

Yeah What Yes You want me to say I can send that She's having fun Yeah I'm having fun BTW I sent it

But this doesn't mean I'm keeping fucking the dog Because It's sending it if You know what I mean If you disapprove So we did too He goes How does it feel to be back in L.A.

Space Actually how long have you been in L.A. for And you said Over a thousand sons BTW You looked hella ripped on da beach cuh Yeah Rudy

He's never gonna respond He's never gonna respond to that Oh my god Shit The arm problem Wait when does this air Let's give it up for Rudy by the way Yeah great job

When does this air The second Monday the second Right August 2nd August 2nd You're fine with the thing Yeah

Alright August 2nd What's why what's wrong What was it what There was something Was there a problem But no here's what she's gonna do now though Is this

No no no it's It was already broken And it's all the way over there Yeah so the third message She's gonna send the third message And she's gonna go That was just Those last two messages were from

Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee No but at least let him Let's see if he can play with it Like let's see if Elise has fun Yeah yeah Because Let it sit for a second Yeah

Right Because you can do that third message Even if he doesn't respond to you things is weird Yeah Three hours from now and then he'll be like Oh that was funny Keep the DM open to see if he's seen it Okay

Yeah And just let us know if anytime during the party You can see it Wait wait it shows you that you can see it It says seen Yeah I didn't know Yeah I know because when I text you it says

Read Yeah yeah And then you pretend like you didn't know And I was like I saw you read it I saw you read it I think I'm a weasel Yeah No no no let's be real

Am I Kinda Not what you're talking about Well let's take a vote Let's take a studio vote Yeah Everyone come in here No they can do it from where they are

No I couldn't see their faces Come in here I have to turn this on it's so hot in here It's so sweater Are you warm now Yeah You were cold Yeah yeah

Alright Okay Well we're not going to be able to see them on camera But you just want to be able to see No I want to see their faces right Alright get in here Pete I'm looking at you right now bud

And before you even answer I have to say You know what I mean I have to say It's been a pleasure working with He called you a weasel right away Okay you can leave No no no let him stay Let him stay

No you already said a thing Let him stay Alright This is a real confession I want to hear the real deal Holyfield So you know it's been a pleasure working with you You show up here on time You do a really good job

And you know here's another thing that you do Is you have a trustworthy kind of energy about you Like I feel safe I feel like Rudy's safe We're all safe in your presence And I just think that I'd really like to work with you For the rest of my life

Am I a weasel You know what You got caught up in it Happens to anybody No Thank you Dismissed That's a no from Pete Thank you Dismissed

Thank you I'm going to change my answer Okay you can sit there right Yeah You know I think that The exchange we do back and forth And the energies exchange It's like two people two souls

That's been doing that for eternity It really does feel like Okay All right it's like We were sort of you're my yin And I'm your yang You know we're You're more

Yeah you are more of a yang I guess You don't have to say that I feel like I've always thought I was more yin You're very much of a yang I've been more yingy You've been so much more yin Yeah

You're more yin than any yin I've ever met But here's the thing He's super yin as well He's remarkably He's a high amount of yin Yeah so if he's more yin than I am I have to be the yin

I gotta tell you There's a lot of yin We're both yin Okay fine That's why Yeah yeah And that is why I think that

Since I feel like We've been doing this eternity Our souls And that it's We're two pieces in a pod As I say And I feel like I've known you forever

And I just really think That I feel comfortable with you As well more than that Fat piece of shit That was just in here Whoa Ask him all right Yeah yeah

Oh come on The buffalo with tits That was in here Oh my god Come on Sorry Ask the question Ask him

Do you think I'm a weasel? Come I don't really know The meaning of that word Oh that's great He's using the cop Out of the second language That's really smart

You gotta let him You gotta let him go on that Yeah you're dismissed Good luck Thank you fans Thank you Yeah I think I have weasel You're not a weasel dude

I do have No because I've done stuff like You have weasel tendencies for sure No I did that At the store once What? I did a big weasely thing What'd you do?

So I was at the store and We had this Thai manager Yeah you never met him And his name was Kirk What do you mean? The guy that ended up owning that restaurant Down in Santa Monica? Didn't he open up a Thai place

Down in Santa Monica? Yeah that's on him That was Tony Tony Yeah yeah So Kirk was this Like he was in like the Thai military Oh

So if you showed up a minute let You're fired I love it Right if you went over your time You never got spot again Wow Like he was militant Legit

Legit I like it But nobody liked working with him Because he was just too much Yeah everyone hated him And so But that was a time when I wasn't getting any spots

Because the talent coordinator Didn't like me Who? I can't tell you Fine Tommy No way before Tommy No I was just

Oh that's funny So So And everyone hated Kirk But Kirk because I was Asian Kirk would walk up to me and go Hey buddy you want some time He loved you

And I go You put me up there I do well for you For you anything Oh he loved you He loved me So he would put me up It would enrage everybody

Why? Why you weren't good enough yet? That was okay But it's like You didn't deserve the spots yet Not really That's fine Every time

Someone was late I'd be like I'm over here You want to go up Do something Do something That's Asian privilege Asian privilege right So then

Eleanor Eleanor and a bunch The whole staff Even the comics All wrote a petition No To get Kirk fired Because you were getting

Stage time? No because he didn't like them They just hated them They hated them Okay But when I caught wind of this Petition I went to the top

Oh you went to Mitzi Holy shit And Paulie the whole family Oh wow You're just pushing your weight around To rat These insubordinates Oh my god

What were you ratting on them About? I was warning them about this About this list Of the people that I'm signing And then I was like I was also Kirk's a great guy

You dick Yeah like a weasel You are a little weasel Because I'm a survivor You are? I'm trying to survive right You're a cockroach But then everyone found out

That I did that Yeah of course And then everyone For years hated me For years What would say hi to me Who hated you the most? Eleanor

Does she hate you now? No we love each other But she did There's a deep love now What did you think What got her over the hump? Like what made her stop hating you? I don't know what happened

About So that happened Over 20 years ago A long time Right So she didn't talk to me for 20 years Holy shit In fact when I saw her in the hallway

I'd have to go around Cause she could beat the shit out of you Not that it was just the shit Her energy She could beat the shit out of you That's what it was Yeah So one day

Maybe three years ago There was a party Like a Christmas party Or I was downstairs You know where the podcast room Was at the comedy store Yeah

And a bunch of people were down there I didn't know Eleanor was there And then there were so many people there I just kind of got stuck Near I couldn't get out And then I turned around like this And Eleanor was right here

Perfect Right And she looks at me And I look at her And she goes Do you want to do my podcast? Oh And I go

Yeah It was all gone We had to do it on the podcast Oh you hashed it out on the podcast On the podcast we hashed it out But it was cathartic It was great That's good

It was great But I have done a lot of weasley things In my life But only out of survival Right It's fight or flight And you're fighting Yeah

You don't have a choice And I'm generally only like that When it comes to my career My career Yeah That is true I agree with you on that Be Spoke Post

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I'm sure you've done stuff in your career That's a little shady To save my own ass Or to go to head Oh, how about this? Okay I've actually been My agents weaseled and lied

About a thing that they approved That I got in trouble for When I can't tell the whole I can't I know, it's hard But there's a lot of incidences But what they did was weasel And so what I did was rat them all out

I showed the emails Yeah Because they denied it They're like, we never said that That was okay for them to do Oh, yeah? Send, send, send I sent all the emails

Yeah They all approved it All of them Yeah, yeah, yeah Because they were trying to Agents are just All they do is go We never said to who to

We didn't say you could do We didn't do that Yeah, yeah, you did I can't tell the story It's not fun But no I'll do it to protect You do it if

You don't have a corner Yeah You don't have a choice Yeah You didn't have a choice If you didn't have a choice Why did you paint your nails, by the way? Show the audience

Well, hold it up to the camera So they can actually see it So the girls So the girls were We're going to Hawaii Yeah And you know how they do Their little girly things

And they go around the table You felt left out No, they had all the stickers And stuff Right? And they were like Tito Bobby, paint your nails And I go, why?

Because we're going to Hawaii I go, okay That's pretty much it Did you want him to paint his nails? Yeah You did? After all these time After all these years, you still can't

Put the mic near your face It's almost shocking It's insane It's insane At this point, it's almost like scary Wait, so did you ask him Or did Kalyla push for it? I think I told him

You said he had to do it Did you paint them Or did he do it? He did Why don't you have the girls do it Look at how much better of a job They would have done That's nicking and scratching

And chipping I want to hash that with her Oh, go ahead Is So this new guy Diego Oh, let's check in with Diego Did he do that?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah Welcome back to Check It Hey, let's have fancy say Checking in with Diego Go ahead Checking in with Diego Checking in with Diego Anything?

Nothing Damn, this guy He's a baby You know what it is though? He probably sees that you've DM'd him But he doesn't want to open it Because he wants to give it time Well, I have

I think Let me see if he befriended My friend request Because I could also do A second thing You know what I mean? Yeah, ask him Yeah, yeah

So let's do this Oh, wait You requested his friendship? Yeah Smooth Yeah, so let's go to Because his profile Private, is that right?

Private Yeah He befriended it So I can now message Okay So Sup, bra Sup, bra

Yes And give the shocker Give this Give the shocker B-R-A-H Sup, bra Sup, bra And the shocker

And then shocker Give the shocker emoji Can I do a thumbs up? It's not the same? Shocker's way better Shocker is bra I can't find it Oh, there it is

Right under the hands Sup, bra Sup, bra Yeah Can I see a picture of this guy? I want to see what he looks like He doesn't have any photos of him Well, let me see

That's his dad Just give me the phone No, there's no I'm looking That's his mom That's his sister Well, I can compile what he looks like through those two people, I guess

Oh, there we go That's him Oh, he is good-looking Yeah Yeah, he's a good-looking guy Wow, the eggs Uh-oh Spaghetti

I think this we're off to a little romance He lives in SD Can I finish this message, or what, bra? Sup, bra I think Sup, bra is all we need to say to this guy Really? Well, Sup, bra says a lot

Sup, bra Sup, bra Sup, bra Alright, send You could be trying to fight him You could try to hang out Sup, bra Send

Right, and then if he messes his back That'll be good So this was a one-time love story in Hawaii Yeah No, there was another one, right? Jesus Another one, right? No

Damn, she's got a lot of Hawaii lovers, huh? I know There's not The guy that you asked for surfing instructions Uh-oh It was nothing But you liked him Yeah, it was cute

Yeah But Did you get the number? The DM, the DM No, my aunt got his number Yeah His Filipinos are aggressive Give me your number, pardon my yank

I know I know But we just need her to get open up a bit, you know She's getting much She's really shy I think if you look back on the episodes that we started this show You've definitely changed your vibe You've definitely gotten more open, more

Yeah, you're getting more confident More confident Yeah You know, like, look Bobby in the eye Right now, let's see your confidence level Tell him to go fuck himself Look him right in the eye and say, go fuck yourself Do it

Go fuck yourself Whoa, that was so believable I love it Man, this is good I like this new rude Do more, do more Do more, do more Tell her

Look him in the eye and say, you're a fat piece of shit Move the mic down so the camera can see you Move below your mouth There you go Look him right in the eye and do it You're a fat piece of shit Shit Ready?

Ready for another one? Look him right in the eye and say You're not my blood and I don't respect you at all You're not my blood and I don't respect you at all It looks so real when she says it That was a good one That was a good one One more

One last one One last one I like it I like it Say Look him in the eye and say, I can't wait Till Auntie Kalayla leaves you I can't wait till Auntie Kalayla leaves you

Oh, my God Oh, that one hurts That one's stung, he's getting hit a little bit Stung, you fuck Wow Woo That was a good one Auntie Kalayla, I'm sorry, I mean none of it

I'm sorry, Tito Bobby I don't mean any of it That I don't believe you That I don't believe that That's the thing, I didn't believe that last part That last part was a lie It was a lie, all the other stuff was truism Wait a minute, wait a minute

Yeah Look him in the eye again and say I didn't mean any of that I didn't mean any of that No, the inflection Yeah, yeah, yeah You meant a lot of that stuff No, no

Wow But you know what What did you smell in the car ride from the airport to home? All farts Yeah, all farts That's what you get That's what you get That's your clothing company

I knew you were gonna say that today All farts Right, so yesterday I did pre-emptive farts in your face You load it up Yeah They were nasty Play that clip, Pete

What is that? What is that? Really funny This guy's great I love this guy He's shaking I like that it fills up his belly Like it fills up his stomach

Yeah This guy's great Would you go out with this guy? Yeah, is this guy dateable? Is this like Diego? Is this a dateable guy? Are you fat? All right, get rid of it

Get rid of it Hey, so I want to ask you If you've seen the show And this clip is from the show It's called... Oh, we'll do this first There's a show called Sexy Beast Do you know what that is?

I saw the movie, but not the... Look at this So it's a dating show on Netflix Yeah And you get dressed up like a furry Yeah And you go on a date Yeah

To see if you fall in love And then if you get through Like love is blind and all these shows Then you get to take off the makeup and everything But they have to go on a date And look like this That's hilarious Can you and I do this?

I'd love to do it We can hire professional makeup people I'd love to do it To make you and I go out When we go do our date Who though? You and me are going out on a date Okay, let's do it

I want to do a first date with you Yeah And look like... Look at how good the makeup looks It's so good Is it all guys or...? No, no, no, no That was a woman there

Look, that's... Oh And they go out on dates like this That's insane I can't wait to see the show Yeah I just saw the clip today Look at how good the makeup is

It's so good That baboon Look at that That's amazing But it's not as if they shoot this in one day No, it takes forever It takes months So every morning

This person gets a 4 a.m. wake-up call Yeah, and they do three hours of his makeup And you know That's six hours of makeup, dude It's insane It's insane That's how I love dating show Have you seen the show?

Do you know about the show? No Show that clip Show that clip of the one from the one Look at that guy Show that clip from the old dating show The old... The first kiss show

I'm hoping that he's a really great kisser for sure Because I really have tried everything with dating I've dated online I've hosted singles events I've approached strangers It's like a first kiss show Where you have to kiss in the moment you see them The first kiss

And maybe this will be the magic I'm looking for I think I am definitely more confident this time Because I've already had that first kiss out of the way My strategy is just go for the kiss Maybe I'll be able to slip tongue And then from there things take off And who knows, maybe she's my first girlfriend Maybe she's his first girlfriend

Yeah, there he is Alright Walking towards her Get ready to make that move How's it going? Great, how are you? Good What's your name?

I'm William I'm Josh Can I kiss you? Can I kiss you? Sure He doesn't go back to just the part He kisses her on the cheek It's so uncomfortable

But something happened Well, he got so scared You hear when he walks in Listen, turn up the volume When he walks in, listen He audibly goes, uh, listen Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a good sign Hello

Hello How's it going? Good Good What's your name? I'm William He's smiling He's, like, murder-smiling

Yeah, yeah Can I kiss you? Oh, yeah, stop, stop, stop Oh, that Can I kiss you? Can I kiss you? Can I kiss you? How does she not

feel threatened evenly? Yeah, yeah, I would just turn around and just walk away Yeah, yeah Go ahead Or I say no No Sure

Okay Oh, my God The way, the way he had to hold her shoulder I feel so fucking bad for her I feel so bad for her For her because she she said yes, you can kiss me Imagine the amount of rejection. Yeah, she feels she's way prettier than this guy. Yeah, and she's like, I guess you can Can I fuck you? Yeah

He just smacked his penis against it But then he holds her he hits it and then he comes he comes he comes and they just I mean this dude I love this guy, you know guys like this. She's just be like I'm a monk. I'm a monk now. It just go out into the mountains I live with the other monks. Yep, and do the come and make the thing What is it? Pick things. Yeah, yeah, do do the thing. You're right. Yeah, come every day You know me and just go to sleep Meditate right like the incense right and the candles the candles right make a routine at night

You blow everything out, right do more of this. Yeah, go to sleep and then just die. You gotta yeah No, you don't think monks jerk off. They might but our monks allowed to masturbate our monks allowed to masturbate Google that Because wouldn't you think you'd have to you're not allowed to see people, right? It's like priests priests can't have they can't have sex our monks allowed to masturbate Buddhist monks are forbidden from any sexual activity including masturbation and watching porn strictly enforced. How would they know? Well, you'd have to go in the forest imagine. That's what we did when we were kids Yeah, we'd go jerk off in the woods. Yeah, you couldn't do it at home You get caught if you had brothers and sisters you were gonna get caught brother Elias. Where are you going?

No, just to the woods for a moment That that's a dead giveaway. Why because you have to be specific ask me keep talking to me I'm sorry. All right, so Elias. Give me a monk. Yeah. Yeah. What's a monk name? But he's brutal smoke, right? I'll make it up, right? Okay, brother Tongo Where are you going to the woods to meditate? We have a temple right over here where everyone else is meditating I understand but the Lord is closer to me with the trees. Well, since we're Buddhists, we don't believe in a Lord You got me there

So so brother Tongo Again I ask I'll get I ask I'll get I ask Why are you going in to the forest because I want to be one with you're jerking Okay, I'm joking off. You got me there. You got me there This muck always says you got me there. You got me there. You got me there. Brother Tongo right is out in the forest jerking off and he has some sort of weird conversation with these guys every fucking day He tries to make other fucking excuses. He tries to cover up. He comes every day. Next day, I'm on next day. Brother Tongo

Brother Tongo, where are you going? To the woods to meditate I don't know where that makes me laugh. Oh that makes me laugh so hard. Every day. By the way, I come back and I clearly have semen on my robe Ask me what it is I come back from the woods. I clearly have semen. Brother Tongo, Tongo. What's that on your robe? Oh, this must be tree sap from one of the trees It's tree sap from one of the trees I was rubbing against Thank you for telling me. I Now tell me it's jizz. Now tell me it's clearly jizz

Tell me it's clearly jizz No, it's just tree sap from one of the trees. Brother Tongo, it's obviously jizz. You got me there Oh How would you cover it up? How could you even do it? I I don't think brother magul. Why are you why are you brother magul? Why are you leaving the temple? I would just be Brother Tongo, thank you for asking. Where are you going? I would just be like I would do I would say anything to get away from not answering the question. Right, right. Just keep scurrying around Brother Magul, why are you leaving?

The the mushrooms stew we had this morning You're going to shit in the woods. Yes. All right All right, that's so fun. That's really fun. By the way It impossible you know, this is a lie. What they have to master. No Bobby, it's an it's natural. It's ornate. It's in your body. It's a part of your your your being It's like what they when they say like um, you can't repress sexualization No, here's the thing. It's is that when you go to essay meetings, right? Or you go to a place like I went to a couple years ago, right? Yeah, and

section and and Partography and sex is an addiction the substance abuse. Yeah You know, I've talked to friends of mine and I go did you masturbate you go? We're allowed to mess at masturbate But we don't think of anything or we don't look at porn. What do you do then? They're just basically unloading Just getting relief. I think that if you didn't masturbate for six months or six months Yeah, or get it out of your body. I think that a couple of tugs and it's out and it's out. Think about it like this though

This is insane No, because I I the longest I've gone is 47 days without jerking off without or sexual ejaculating or sexual contact Nothing 47 days. When did you do this and why? I did it with my friend charlie about Nine years ago. I mean with my friend charlie. No, we know we wear a starbucks We're at a starbucks on the 47th day. You're like, we're fucking each other. You know, he he lasted seven months He did have no sexual contact. No, but I lasted 47 days and I just couldn't do it But wait a minute. Wait a minute. Hold on. Hold on no sexual contact with with somebody or is it no ejaculation? Like could he kiss could he kiss or

Yeah, but those little those things will always lead to no shit. So you're saying you wouldn't do it No kissing no touching over another. Wow. Holy shit seven months Mm-hmm. No physical interaction people do it for years steve. Oh did it for years For years no sexual interaction for years. Why because of addiction because this is his sponsor said that like let's you know set a time And he goes all right I'll do a year and then a year went and then he did another year because he used sex sexual sexual and then he got a girlfriend Yeah, a wife now a wife and now he fucks her but my point is is that You know, it's doable. You went 47 days. Yeah, it was so hard though

Well, how long how long how many years ago? Like 10 years ago. Okay today bobby Lee right now today 2021. How long could you go without sexual release? Well, if it was a competition between you and I Mm-hmm forever forever Do you want to do it? Yeah You really do. You know, how will how will I know that if you're lying or not? Well, we're gonna live stream each other 24 7 Pete's gonna follow you and andres will follow me around with the camera In our beds with us at night. Honestly, let's it's impossible. It's not impossible

I think we can do it if we wrote a contract and then if you just said listen, it's not if you said to me This is the Seinfeld episode. Yeah, it's four days from now. Dude. I did it that I'd be like, okay. Cool. I want That's it. It's just I don't I what I'm telling you is I don't think you can last like you think you can last Do I lasted 47 days? I can do it 10 years ago Yeah, what's the difference? I was 40 times change. No, I can do it when was the last time you jerked off Two nights ago. Okay, but my libido right is much lower now. I know you're older now Yeah, so it's like I think I can do it. You really do. Yeah, I could beat you No, that's only because you think because you want to beat me

That's not I that's just the thing because you're in your little brain You're like, I just need to beat him. So you'll just hurt yourself. Just I don't think I would be hurt either I think it'd be good. What are you gonna tell Kalilah? What if she's like, I'm feeling I'm feeling like I'm gonna hook up well I would tell her tonight. I would tell her tonight. I go me and andra doing this thing abstinence thing, right? Mm-hmm, and we're gonna see how long we can go. I think she'd be fine with it Okay, fine. My help. Okay. Will you tell your girl? Yes Let's do it. All right. So you guys heard here heard it here first. We're gonna do it

Let's see how long we can hold out. All right. I'm gonna jerk off the moment. I get home Are you really? No No, I'm gonna hold it out. Is that good in new york tuesday? That's good the longer you're out of town. Oh, no, that's that's bad because that's hotels are jerk off friendly jerk off city The moment I landed a new city for comedy. Yeah, I'm jerking off in the hotel I jerk off. What else am I doing there? Yeah, I poop. I take a big jug of water I like I like unload on like that the furniture that like the fucking the wall lampshades lampshades everything everything Everything because it's like um, it's freedom

Not just freedom. It's marking Oh, territory like yeah, yeah, yeah, I was here. Yeah. That's good. That's funny. You don't want to hear any of this stuff, do you? No Well, tell me if Diego hit you back already. Will you? He did didn't he nothing did he see it? No Did you ever see did you ever um Stay at the condo at the lawyer comedy store? Yeah, that condo though is fascinating Well, because the amount of a semen that's been in that kind of no, it's more semen than you would know because I'll tell you why

Because I stayed there once with brian bradley. I don't even know who that is. You don't know and brian bradley these were 1980s gay the first gay canadians way before jason stewart They these were the first gay comedians and they were old men and I was a young kid, right? And I was staying at the condo with them and late night they go. Hey kid You want to hear a story? And I go I was scared. Yeah, I think I didn't think you know, but I go I like story And he goes in 1979 or 78. Well, brian was a 78 or 79, right? I think it was 79 because you know, and then they're like

Anyway, we went to we were staying in this condo and went to this gay club And we just got so drunk. We just announced. I just stood up and announced Rg at the condo So the we all right just 80 guys Back in the condo the comedy store condo. Yeah, it was crazy. We did an 80 man train Right Right Check it out

and then We would just sometimes we had to you know, unload the steam take out the steak out stay We would take the steam out right all over the apparently there was a cum Like it was just like rainfall You mean like it was a storm You know, I mean popcorn ceiling. Yeah, you needed an umbrella. Yeah, and just walk through right? It's a rain and jizz And so once they told me that story and ask anybody else

I've never stayed in that hotel again. Hotel. I always asked for a fucking hotel. That place is so gross I have nothing against other people's cum. Sure you do just I don't want it in my mouth or my skin or anywhere near me Yeah, yeah, I don't want it anywhere near me. No, but if there was like, let's say you're standing there And you see a puddle of cum right here. You'll be okay with it. I would not If it went like that that would be Yeah, yeah, that would be so immediately go undressed get in here. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Who did this and Pete, you know, Pete would go Yeah That well, how could how could that's what's so cool about a gay community? That's totally kosher. You can walk into a club

Yeah, and you can do that today. They could be like orgy back at our place people would go You can't be at a bar and be like orgy back at our place. No, you'd be in prison You'd be in prison. They immediately or the cops are like get out of here. You're fucking I mean, I mean There is a thing where I've thought about I wish I was gay because It just be so much easier Asian you would get tossed right around would just be They would call me the hole the hole the holes here the holes upstairs. I'm just gonna come in It's my ass was so bad. I just walk in like this

Come on the hole, right? What do they say when I when I show up? They go the big angry top is here. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Well, I think that you would have gained weight. I would be the bear I'd be a bear the red bears here big red bears here big red guy Yo, I would gain like 150 pounds, but but but we would fuck so much So much so much easier. I mean come on. We'd go. I would go troll down Santa Monica I've said this before on here when Justin Martindale used to take us out to those those clubs. Yeah Oh my god, I could lay I could get laid by so many of those dudes. I felt so confident was great

Guys would come up and they'd find out that I was straight and they'd like fuck out of here. Yeah, but it was hot I was like, but I would have got in the 80s. I would have got the thing. Yeah, you would have gotten HIV No, that's all I'm saying. Yeah, you would have gotten HIV For sure because you would have just been the whole you just laid there or people would have just come run trains on you Yeah, and they'd let you up sometimes like I wouldn't even care. I'd be like sleeping No, literally I'd be sleeping and people just be just unloading on my back Right on my asshole, right? And I would just wake up everyone's like, hey, Charlie I'd go back to sleep

dad Yeah, you know, I saw a dude I'll just say this I saw a dad fan once on um In new york, he was doing. Um, what's his name show? Um It was on comedy central. It's what's that guy's name? Um, the older guy. He's kind of like jimmy shuber, but new york Collin Quinn

Yeah, so Collin Quinn had that show on comedy central one of the greatest shows of all time Right. Yeah, so dad fan was on it, right? Right when he won last comic standing and it was Voss Patrice O'Neill. Oh my god, and they ripped him apart. It's a firing squad Yeah, they ripped him apart to the point where I felt bad for him Right for dad and patrice can make an asian joke. So I'm sure right so bring up that clip if you can find it When I saw that I went that's not going to be me Right. Yeah, I I'm going to fight them back

And I'm going to survive and I'm going to win Right, so that's why I have the style that I do Is because I just don't want to be a victim Dude tough crowd with Collin Quinn with dad fan. Yeah, dad fan. It's brutal, dude If you see it, they light him on fire. It's well patrice was so good at making brutal, dude I don't know if I can see it even it's so sad that that d a d dat fan d a t p h a n dat fan

Uh boy, uh, is that it? Yeah, that's it right to the first one. It's gotta be a tough crowd patrice. You know, dad fan rich Voss. Yeah, how long is it 16, but we'll scroll through and they'll edit it. Let's see some of it folks I think he's just moved by trying to move a war around. He's like, okay, we're just gonna move it over to iraq now I mean that doesn't do anything. I mean, it's like in vietnam. It's like, what if they go like, okay, the war's getting too crazy here We're gonna move it over to cambodia No, but now that worked out. Well, what would uh, what would your mother say about this? Oh

Ah, look at his face. Did you just do your hat korean mama as Osama bin larry? He was doing, wait, I'll explain. You were doing pao paos moving the wall, right? He's doing the rest of the show hiding behind the tree Now dad fan, well, who was complaining about this was an agent or other people I have no idea The people that paid him Come on, he needed one Here's the deal I spent an hour and a half after we're signing autographs and 90% Asian students. Yeah, we're we're in line So don't you think epic if an accent is isn't comedy about height or whatever they call accents or differences too

You know, yeah, I mean, it's it's the culture that grew up in my family has accents No, I mean if black comics make fun of, you know, their own culture or race or whatever Oh, if you see like rich was to do some jewish jokes, right? I do maybe one I I used to talk about my life, uh You know, I talk about my bm's mother a lot But you know, the thing is if Asians do it then all of a sudden it's like, oh, okay, this guy he crazy, you know Like I mean, we're just this is what we do, you know, right? We're basing it on the air I mean the stereotypes are part of the I'm just saying I read that article that complained about him the thing that pissed me off today

Referred to him in the article as a comic and I was You know now all I'm saying is that it's It's 514 and that fan got one more minute left on his fame. So I think that he should Uh, what do we just have like vietnamese coaches? That's right in the middle of it Patrice was Ruthless though. Yeah, but I'm just saying that when I did Get open Anthony with patrice. They couldn't do that with me because you were because I just became Wilder. Yeah, I when I saw that I was like, I'm never going to be him I

Just taking it on. No. Yeah. Yeah, you gotta fight back. Fuck you. Yeah, you gotta fight back. You gotta fight back dad Yeah, you know what I mean? It's so sad but I mean He knows better That's the lions then that show was so hard. I just wouldn't do it No, you shouldn't do it unless you're like if you don't come in Swinging with shit like you got Deadpool. You gotta have you gotta have Deadpool. Yeah, and just be like, I'm here You can cut them all up and then what happens is when you start making fun of them and combating them

They just stop doing it Well, or it becomes part of the rhetoric of like that. We all are shitting on each other What you and I do on our show. Yeah, we make fun of each other. Yeah, that's because we love each other But that disarms all the chaos you just shit on each other Yeah, but if you're not willing to have the get shit on stuff then it's you're in trouble Yeah, and I just think that you know instead of focusing on as a message to asian performers I guess is that

I don't focus more on that being Representing my my ethnicity. I focus on being better Than all the other people. All right, right. I don't when I'm at the store people go I've heard people go well, you're on the lineup because you're the asian guy. No, I I believe I'm on the lineup Oh, you're good. No, it's not that I'm good. It's just that nobody You can't say Like if you know rogan goes up or anybody else goes up, right that I didn't do as good You know what I mean, right? And I don't want to be up there

Just because of my color of my skin. Well, you're not I know I know that right? I feel that right? You're saying that exists and yeah, so I'm just saying that like, you know, um to asian performers or whoever you're saying You know, we have tiger bill is not considered an asian show. I don't fuck it is no, it's not apparently to them Who was that a credible source? I mean, it was only the new york times. What do they know? But it's how about this? How about this? Yeah, do top asian podcasts top asian podcast. What is this? What are we doing here? What are you trying to do? I want to I want to try to see if tiger bell is on there We're not on there. See scroll through all the way to keep going down to the right up at the top that bar up there Pico all the way to the right all the way now click on that arrow

No show with george can be consideration. Right george is the top. He's married to a nation woman. He's got a half asian baby nothing But how about this? Oh, I've got the fix top asian comedy podcast. There it is top asian comedy podcast now. It'll be there No doubt same list Same list. Mm-hmm. Keep going. I'm guarantee you it's there. Is there any way to do this though? It's not there. See look at it Wow, so let me ask you something. Let me ask you something Hmm. Does tiger Billy do better than these? We are. Yeah, for sure all of them, right? Yeah, for sure

Then why aren't we on it? Because this is we're not asian. No, this is being promoted by something That's being promoted by a machine if we go top comedy podcasts. Would we be on it? Maybe I don't know but that's what I'm saying. It's a comedy podcast. Who promotes this thing. Yeah Top comedy podcasts. There you go. Where are we there? No, we're not on there yet. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Doe boys is on there. No. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope We're not on there. That's it Now do you feel bad? No

Because that's a little bit. No, that's a machine I don't know who I don't know how that gets fucking arranged by what is this this is made by what? What's the article who's by good housekeeping? This is by fucking good housekeeping. They arrange that. What does that even fucking mean? Yeah, good housekeeping. Yeah, what the fuck is that? No, I don't care We dude, I know how much our fans love and appreciate us and I love and appreciate them That's what I care. I don't care about fucking an article in good housekeeping doesn't mean anything to me Aren't you happy about the fans Rudy? Now you're getting boyfriends from it. Let's check in with Diego. Andre say it Let's check in with Diego. Come on. Please say he looked or texted or said something back

Come on. Come on. Come on Nothing Wow. All right. So how about this Bobby to end this Diego thing? I want her now to write you can write it not Bobby Be right. No response Did he respond to you? No. Okay. So I want I want her to write no response question mark. Fuck you How cool would that be no response? Fuck you No, because he texted her and he didn't respond for six hours

Six hours. Yeah, give him six hours at the six hour this evening. Right. No response. Fuck you poor Diego We love you Diego. Wherever you are. You beautiful. Um What was the name of that racist snack? All right, Bob. Thank you for being a bad friend $20 off your Buffy Comforter when you visit bad friends That's $20 off your Buffy Comforter when you visit bad friends That's $20 off your Buffy Comforter when you visit Buffy.co and enter the code Buffy