Bad Friends - Fat Face Five w/ Chris Distefano

Episode Date: May 24, 2021

New Merch Out Now! http://badfriendsmerch.com Thank you to our Sponsors:  https://betterhelp.com/badfriends & https://www.doordash.com code: badfriends2021 & http://buyraycon.com/badfriends & http://headspace.com/badfriends YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube Audio Subscribe: https://apple.co/31Jsvr2 Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com 0:00 Limited Edition Merch and Andrew's Tour Dates  1:08 Rudy Introduces Our Guest Host  10:20 Chris Tests Rudy's Knowledge of our Galaxy  14:30 Andrew and Chris Discuss Formula   18:15 John Mulaney and Olivia Munn  25:30 Famous People who shared Chris' and Andrew's Birthday   31:28 Careful while Watching Movies on a Plane  42:50 UFO Presence Increases During Pandemics   46:55 Andrew Goes to Hawaii  58:31 Chris' Trans Uncle  1:06:36 Does Rudy have Alexithymia?  1:09:12 The Spain's Lisp Explained 1:17:19 Caitlyn Jenner's Governor of California's Campaign   1:20:35 The Bottoms of Turtle Island Animated StoryBoard by Im Bored on youtube More Chris Distefano  Chrissy Chaos: https://www.youtube.com/c/chrisdcomedy Hey Babe: https://www.youtube.com/c/NoPreshNetwork Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chrisdcomedy Twitter: https://twitter.com/chrisdcomedy Tickets and More: https://www.chrisdcomedy.com More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Andrés Rosende & Pete Forthun Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What up bad friends we got new merch look at this huh the bottoms of Turtle Island available now for pre-order only for this week for bad friends Monday to Friday then that's it a limited run this is also what the sweater looks like we got a sweater and the the the t-shirt here of the bottoms of Turtle Island if you're a fan of the film which I know so many of you are pre-order right now look down in the merch bar down below or just go to badfriendsmerch.com to pre-order this just for this week only and then it's gone badfriendsmerch.com go there pre-order it one week and then it's gone also come see me live Andrew Santino

com come check me out I'm on the road Bobo is not but I am I'm gonna be in Atlantic City at the end of the month then I go to Houston then I go to Madison and Boston and Nashville we're going all over the place so go to andresantino.com for them tickets baby I want to introduce you know what one it Rudy you introduce our our fill in for the day our fill in guess go ahead Rudy this will be great welcome everybody this is Dennis Peppas Dennis Peppas Dennis Peppas Dennis Peppas hi I'm Dennis Peppas do you know who this is I know his first name is Chris Chris what's his last name begins with a D

don't that's gross don't do that don't go there it begins with a D I know you're not Chris D'Leo no yes no no this is Chris hi how are you hi thank you I want to say Rudy I apologize the last time I was in here I gave everybody COVID I gave everybody COVID and I farted a lot and I just want to say I apologize for that remember how repulsed you were he sat between us and he ate cake would you oh yeah you brought cake from from the bakery across street whatever it's called oh cutie pootsie put in pie cutie pootsie in my ass cutie pootsie put in pie and now he's here today but today we

really want more than anything Rudy to take over the show because Tito Bobby is gone and I want her to kind of drive the engine today and Tito Bobby is gone I've heard forever on the news yes there was a crisis that he's out do you know what happened in Hungary did you hear no he broke the quarantine rules and which I'm you know I'm not surprised and he went out to go get a video game they told him not to leave the hotel he got a video game and now he's in Hungary jail yes and it's not good for him because if you know anything about history is the Mongolians with Genghis Khan had really a lot they really ravaged through Hungary

and anybody who looks mildly Mongolian which Bobby I would say looks moderately Mongolian mild to medium mild to medium Mongol mmm yeah he is there's a lot of retribution there rightfully so from what happened so Bobby I don't know if he'll make it out of the Hungarian jail probably not TBA do you want to send a message to Tito Bobby because we're gonna try to send this to Hungary so Hungary so why don't you send a message to Tito Bobby we can send this to him in Hungary hi it's Bobby I hope you're okay I hope the video game was worth it yeah I know you said that you were really lonely there yeah and I hope that

you're okay and I think Kaila is still mad at you mm-hmm bye bye bye it does seem like she it does seem like she doesn't even know him the more I hear her talk about him on the show it's almost like it's a guy she's never met before and and what is it it's her uncle well it's Kaila's Kaila's niece you know niece's boyfriend okay she what's the relationship you got it I'm sorry Kaila this is Kaila's niece that is Kaila's niece yeah got it okay and you know and Bobby is I mean I guess they're technically married yeah they're common law do you know that in California if you live together for look up

common law California I think if you live to get if you live in the same residence for seven years mm-hmm your your common law Mary which means if they split like the house yeah they'd have to split it common law man oh there's not in California they don't recognize common law so he's good he can get out good he could get out does not have a common law marriage unmarried couples who have been together for an extended period of time do still have some rights so she would have some rights some rights well if that ended if it ended Tito Bobby and and what is it what's auntie again I think I love I know I thought there was a

word for auntie it's Filipino yeah it's Filipino okay no no because I work I work a lot when I was physical therapist I work a lot with Filipino you did there in New York at least many of the healthcare professionals are Filipinos are they most of them are especially physical therapists a lot I would say when I was working for the New York City Board of Ed it was there was me there was an Indian woman and then it was like six or seven Filipinos really yes can you name some of these people by the first name um there was Arwin Catherine Catherine Catherine Arwin Catherine yeah Bobby yeah the one guy's name was Bobby

but you would say Bobby there was Manny of course Manny I'm sure he wasn't that wasn't just a Puerto Rican kid who got it no was like no I'm feeling a pain though it no no you know what now that I'm thinking back I think it might have actually been Manny Pacquiao so and then we would go to um there was a a fast food place a Filipino fast food Filipino fast food place called Jolly something Jolly B Jolly B they love they love so they have them in Los Angeles okay so we would go to the one and there was one in Jersey City and I remember for Arwin's birthday that's what I got him I got him a whole thing of

Jolly B and a rooster and they that they liked it that's what they like yeah a live rooster why do you like why do you guys like Jolly B we've talked about it on this show but I really can't figure it out it just reminds you of the homeland yeah and the chicken is really good it's very good it's not like Chick-fil-A chicken yeah you don't need to Chick-fil-A chickens better isn't it I've never tried Chick-fil-A Filipino people are the kindest I personally think the kindest type of Asian mm-hmm you don't think so Japanese I don't know many Japanese in New York Jap Japanese is more out here that's out here but

Filipino I I like I they to me Filipino people are the kindest Asian right at least in New York if I met a Japanese person from Japan yeah I would I would like I would like them more I would like them more she'll tell you they're Filipinos can be mean really it depends but she can be mean hold up your hands Rudy if you don't mind very small hands you have bigger hands for a Filipino person but most of the Filipino people I worked with had had very small hands that's why they were good at physical therapists physical therapy because they get their small fingers really inside the muscles and behind the bones and I

remember Ms. Captain said to me once I said what's the key for you to being such a good physical therapist and she said small Filipino hands is that what she said that's what she said yeah and I and she said you say you have to be Rudy is a giant in the Philippines very giant she's 5 7 5 5 5 5 40 6 19 years old so 19 years old so there are it's getting to the point of where you will be expected to in the Filipino family to start to marry children coming up or not or more they're more new school no I don't want to have kids she hates kids so okay so okay yeah she doesn't want children and we're supporting that we

support that we also don't want her to start dating guys that's like a big no no she's going away to college we're getting scared no no date guys Rudy we said I already we went over this no no it's just not gonna happen we're gonna arrange a marriage for her we talked about it okay when she's 30 and we're gonna arrange it we're gonna put it all together fancy is gonna be the little ring boy great you know Pete is obviously gonna be the flower girl sure Bobby is gonna be best man I'm gonna be bridesmaid yes because yes I want my day yes and we're gonna arrange the marriage she's gonna be 30 years old and the

wedding is gonna take place in Riverside California Riverside California in the Empire yeah we want in the IE because we want trucker hats and yes flat beds and bros that's beautiful and sublime the whole sublime is the song that we're gonna play the all the sublime songs great yeah they're gonna Santorias the first dance yeah I'll go I'll also come to the wedding by that time I would be about 50 I should be about three four years in a wheelchair I hope so yeah do you really feel like you're getting old like that yeah yeah yeah no I just feel like I just feel like you know I just feel like with me it's catching up it's

not that it's catching up but I just I just feel like I'm destined to have some type of cerebral spinal injury I don't know where you're going yeah you do you probably will get paralyzed yes at some point some way no Rudy you can start dating and we're just so nervous about it because I feel like you're like part of my family now and I just don't like the idea of boys in college and yeah parties because you're not gonna be out party and you're gonna be still living at home right yeah but I also want to party what's your school dream college yeah she doesn't okay to Vry or Phoenix online is what I think yeah yeah I can

be I can go to any school I want you to go to what you just ever die I can go to any school because do you have good grades and I guess she's very smart now she let me ask her any school no no no she any school questions is very smart seriously what's the capital of the Philippines there you go manila manila give her another one okay okay look at all good she is go anything anything from school anything from school and not even American history just any school history she did have to study American how many planets are there and can you name them that's not American but yeah well we discovered space Americans

discovered outer space do you know the acronym for all the planets no what is it my very I don't know what it is I just know them you know what I'm talking about well let's see mercury mercury Venus my very something mother earth my very earth my very astute mother well stutes with an a astute astute astute yes astute astute look up the acronym of the planets my very astute mother or something like my various because I don't know what you never heard of this you guys didn't do this in school no planet acronym my very educated mother see just served us noodles racist that is extremely racist that is extremely I

want to say on behalf of the of the white community I apologize for an acronym like that that is that is horrible that a white woman did that you see what they did served us noodles educated mother meaning like oh she's book smart she must be an Asian mom noodle that's how they did that it's disgusting that's repulsive wiki how disgusting there are many other end foods yeah go ahead my very educated mother served us Nutella Nutella that's why you're a 36 waist that yeah I love oh I love sugar and it's a haze on that tree Rudy let's make let's let's do an acronym for you my let's let's see what your acronym be

for Mercury Venus Earth Mars Jupiter Saturn Uranus Neptune although didn't we find we went back and forth on Mars for a while didn't we no not more on what do you mean Mars like if it's a planet or not if it's in if it's habitable it's it all if it's inhabitable but we you know Pluto Pluto is around yeah well good we don't know what would it be what was it when we were kids it would be my very because now they're missing Pluto so it's a my very educated mother served us noodles pussy maybe that's how you remember the Pluto that's how they had no problem dropping it off the end my very my very erotic mother yes just served us

nasty pussy just suck how about my very erotic mother just suck you just sucked us just sucked us nice nice that's the one okay Rudy so that's what it is how disgusting so you go to Pepperdine and you tell them that see what they say in Malibu oh my buddy told me such a funny story because when you said Japanese man at the beginning of this it reminded me you know because when you put man after something it's racist now you know what do you mean well you can't say like China man is racist no you can't say that right that's racist right but my friend was had a driver for it like he had a driver was taking him to this job and he was in

London and the British guy was like you know he's talking about America and talking about PC culture and whatever America in America and my buddy's just sitting there nodding off just like yeah whatever and he goes I mean you can't even say China man anymore and my buddy's like no I don't think you can yeah and he goes but why not he goes I don't think they like it and he goes yeah but look he's from China really yeah he's Chinese he's a man from China China man I'm from England I'm a man I'm an Englishman and he goes yeah but I think it's that they don't like it he goes what if some Englishmen don't like to be called

Englishman he's like I think you guys got to make a big thing about it and then it'll get more attention so let's make a big thing right now because I actually Englishman I actually just found out recently through answer she's calm that I am I think 8% English no offended by what you just the accent you just did offended sorry I offended well I'm sorry I take it okay yes and I should work on I'm trying to work on my accents because I'm watching the drive to survive the formula one show me too dude I'm in season two let me tell you something you know what f1 is no you've never heard of it before it's race race cars look up

pull up f1 pizza she can I didn't know a thing about I I've been here for two months in LA when I got to LA I didn't know a thing about this now I cannot I would pay do you want to go to the one in Miami though how bad he is at Google 20 fucking like kites I mean Pete what he brings up kites like do you mean for f1 kite kiting competition in Long Beach every year no Pete yeah f1 cars that's a look have you ever seen these before and yes I do want to go it's in Miami yeah grand prize in Miami at the end of this year well you know they're there usually is one in Long Beach and I've been to the one in Long Beach like

the one with all these big-time drivers f1 is in Long Beach yeah they did they did one so I let me understand something though real quick okay because watching that documentary and maybe if this is to as Oteric inside stuff if it is I'll be quick but like Mercedes and and who's the other one who always wins well for a long time it was just more Mercedes and Ferrari but but that but McLaren is doing pretty well but they are but but it feels like at least in this in this Netflix thing it's like you it's impossible to beat Mercedes and Ferrari it's not fair like sports is fair in the sense of yes some team can

get better players but literally they are in better machines yeah it's almost like Mercedes and Ferrari allowed to use steroids and nobody else can correct so that for me why it's a little bit of a disconnect where I'm like you they're not all in fair machines no well no well technically I mean all the standards have to be the same right so they often meet the same kind of standard you can't go like you you couldn't have an engine that would have so much more power than the other engines I mean tweaks make them performance better but like there's a there's standards of what there are yeah it couldn't be like one guy driving a

Honda CRV versus a Ferrari Testerosa you know you can't like there's a there's a level that all these cars kind of have to meet they have to follow these qualifications both for like design of the cars and both for the weight and the engine output and all that stuff it has to meet specifications Mercedes and Ferrari it seems like they're always winning though is that just because they're Lewis Hamilton and the other Lewis Hamilton is just a superior driver one of the greatest drivers of all time right I mean I think some people would say he might be the greatest F1 and I mean what a handsome gorgeous do you know

who this guy is Lewis Hamilton look him up you she could what if what if Lewis Hamilton would like to like Rudy out on a date would that be okay would you go on a date with someone like Lewis I don't even know how old he is I think he might be in his 30s but he gets paid $30 million a year to drive a car he's driving race cars is he cute to you yeah but he's so old he's old and that's how we feel with her we're old yeah we're old yeah he's not old he's like 30 years old but to her she's like he's old and gross he's yeah and I mean where so we're disgusting into you I'm 36 and Andrews 37 actual truly hideous be I don't need it

for me because I already know Rudy but on a scale of 1 to 10 our guest today as a guy looks wise what is what is he looks wise like old man you go oh that old guy he he's like a what out of 10 5 yeah I knew that was coming I could feel that yeah that's what you are even with this might doesn't matter the smile makes it last maybe four and a half okay okay try try this and how about now rude for yeah I got worse I could feel that what about when I'm sipping a drink three yeah it's gone down it's going way too yeah what about side profile oh my god it's even worse zero yeah you just keep plummeting so I got some points when

you're dead on not smiling not eating or drinking you actually look okay so who's a handsome comedian to you oh my god we went to Davidson no no okay I like John Mulaney she likes John Mulaney well taken by another Asian no he's divorced no he's with Olivia Munn it's all over the news he came out he's dating Olivia Munn this is like he left his wife and I'm not I'm not I'm not up to date yeah well you know wait a minute this just happened didn't he just go to rehab and get a divorce and now he's with Olivia it's kind of like I was sitting with with Jasmine my girlfriend was like eight months pregnant and she said the same

thing she was like I wasn't John Mulaney she's like I thought that he was in rehab and like she always talks about his wife and I was like yeah but you know that you know because she saw on the New York Post and she was like and now he's she was like and now he's out with Olivia Munn and I was like yeah she goes oh hell no she like said that now she said that for like she was like if I was John Mulaney if I was John Mulaney she was like I would be in his face like you ain't walking around with this half Asian bitch in front of me you know like I mean but I mean let's just be let let me just be honest on the record I don't

care what it says I mean Olivia Munn she is I mean Vixen beautiful she is gonna ruin his life yeah yeah drug rehab was he's going back to rehab yeah but I mean sign me up I mean I'd love to ruin my life with actually Olivia Munn or John Mulaney he's a hottie I agree with Rudy I'm gonna go with Mulaney on this one over Olivia Munn I take him over hold him down and break him well cuz you can control him yeah I'd like to definitely not a type A yeah like if he starts you know coming around yeah slap around well what do you get you hang out and have sex I grab him by the throat and I say John you shut up and you kiss me softly

on the lips right now fucking do it fucking do it well I guess I will you like that put on my underwear upstart baby you carrying a credit card balance every month after month you're not the only one Bob and I've talked about this we both had a lot of credit card debt when we first started comedy and we were both broke broke I don't know about you Andrew but I dread looking at my credit card statement every month and I don't blame myself upstart can lift that weight off of my sole shoulders so that you can finally feel the relief of being free of credit card debt it's a fast and easy way to pay off your credit card debt with

a personal loan all done online if you're paying it off you're consolidating high interest or funding personal expenses over a half million people have used upstart to get a simple fixed one monthly payment and unlike other lenders guys upstart looks at more than just your credit score I mean come on let's there's more to it all right like your income and employment history this means they can offer smarter rates with trusted partners it's a five minute online check you can see your rate up front for loans between $1,000 and $50,000 that's a lot you can receive funds as fast as one business day after

accepting your loan find out how upstart can lower your monthly payment today when you go to upstart.com slash bad friends that's upstart.com slash bad friends don't forget to use our URL to let them know we sent you loan amounts will be determined based on your credit income and certain other information provided by your loan application go to upstart.com slash bad friends blue two this episode is sponsored by Bluetooth guys it's been a hell of a year personally I feel like I've aged 12 years over the past 12 months and if you're like me you're feeling like you're age more than you used to especially in the

bedroom is a unique online service that delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra and Cialis but in chewable form and it's a fraction of the cost Bluetooth tablets help men achieve harder stronger erections to combat all the forms of ED look a lot of guys have ED erectile dysfunction you shouldn't be embarrassed about it some people struggle it's not that big of a deal millions of people suffer from this who cares chew something and get all the blood flow down in the basement to get that thing a zoom zoom in all right you don't like swelling pills no problems you can chew it in the process to get

these things is very simple Bluetooth tablets are made in the USA which Bob loves and they ship direct I love America red white and red right and blue babies cheaper than a pharmacy all you got to do is try Bluetooth for free just pay $5 for shipping it's nothing so go to bluetooth.com promo code bad friends to receive your first month for free and we thank Bluetooth for sponsoring the podcast anchor if you haven't heard about anchor it's the easiest way to make a podcast let me explain oh please it's free awesome that's cool these are there are creation tools that allow you to record and edit

your podcast right from your phone or your computer you do it from your phone like on the go oh my god on the bus or the subway you can do it that's cool anchor will distribute your podcast for you so it can be heard on Spotify Apple podcast and many many many many many many more you can make money from your podcast to no minimum listenership how about that you can make money with no minimum listenership it's everything you need to make a podcast all in one place where do we have to go Bob download the free anchor app or go to anchor.fm to get started I like John Mulan I think he's a fine I think he's a very funny

dude I dead Noah I the one thing I found very strange was he did like all these that that Netflix thing he did with all the kids yes I was like who is this for yeah it's weird it's just here's why I don't I like him I think he's very funny dude he's an undeniably talented guy yeah but also it's weird when you do a kids show when you don't have kids I'm always if you're a guy if you're a girl like Tiffany Hattish talking to dumb young kids funny funny yeah John Mulaney doing a play kind of like a theater play with kids right who doesn't physically have kids I'm always like right I don't I don't think it's one of those things

where I don't think that it's anything necessarily inappropriate like I don't think inappropriate but I think that's what I was gonna get to I think it's just like there's a part of his brain that's a little like weird yeah you have kids and you do a kid show it's total it's like how he's it's why like what Sandler was like yeah yeah people talk shit I started making kids movies because I have kids now well that's made movies for my kids well that's that's the thing is if I was in the Adam Sandler's position or even a John Mulaney's position I had the ability I would probably make a kid show only because

the entertainment I'm watching 90% of my day is children stuff with my kids so it's like in my it's not even for them it's just that's from my my mind is in that zone so I'm thinking about okay children's books children stuff like animation because that's all I want so maybe he was watching a lot of kids stuff maybe it's down time he just loved kid stuff well he's out because a lot of white guys who like are into anime and all that stuff they also have an Asian fetish and there we go yeah the living man yeah that's why is that a thing yeah it's eight like white guys really nerdy white guys love Asian stuff and and really

nerdy black guys nerdy black guys Ron Funches had a great joke that he said every young nerdy black kid wants to be Japanese right and I think that's the reason for that you think I don't know why do young black kids want to be Japanese young black name your episode Ron said young black nerdy kids I'm gonna go I'm gonna I'm gonna make a statement and say all young black men want to be Japanese I feel it I mean the Wu Tang clan what was that about what was that about Tiger Woods so if Olivia Munn breaks up with Mulaney mm-hmm you would you you'd think you'd be interested in him and you know he's also old compared

to what you're older than me he's older than us he's he has a lot more money than what is he 40 no he's like 30 he's our age he's 36 37 oh wow he started stand-up when he was 15 16 years old fucking killing it that's saying good for him I'm driving a Nissan Armada it's a Nissan Marauder isn't it I thought it was a Nissan your mama your mama 38 years old there oh what's his birthday August 26 yeah guess who else is birthdays August 26 Christopher Paul Anthony DeStefano that's right wow you share a birthday he's exactly two years older than me and exactly a hundred million dollars ahead of me at least

yeah he's a whole F1 sports team ahead of me who else who else is type in famous people's birthday I know one October August 26th Macaulay Culkin really Cali Culkin August 26th let's see a famous August 26th birthdays if mine even pop I don't even think I'm on the I'm not even on the you'll never make notable alumni from my high school no that are you're not I'm not okay look at this oh do you know some of these people Rudy um a little little techa you know little techa up top no who's a little techa you don't know little techa who's little pepper he does that song which won't it's me little techa I'm

just hanging out you don't know that song oh yeah it's me little techa I'm just hanging out I'm just hanging out yes and his friends are background or just like we were a little techa and we just hanging out at you don't know that song Yes, I have heard that song. It was in Malaney's kid show. Oh, okay. James Harden, also same birthday. That's dope.

Wow, that's good. The Colby Colbyn. The beard for the beard. Chris Pine. Chris Pine, handsome. Mother Teresa! Whoa! Mother Teresa.

That's a big one. King Sid, who didn't learn how to smile at a young age and just kept that. Yes. Melissa McCarthy, she's dope. Wow, look at all the longest 26ers. I cannot believe you didn't make it. I didn't.

Yeah, I didn't make the list. Keep going down. Look at people. Oh, wow. And these are, okay, this is just nobody at some point. Look at Colin TV. Zoom in on Colin TV. You got beat, no, no, no, bottom up.

You got beat up by Colin TV. His name's Colin TV. That's his full name. That's his full name, yeah. And I lost. Colin TV. This guy's more famous than you. Let's check your birthday.

Let's see if you made the list. All right, famous people on October 26th. Exact way you put it in. Just type it into that very site, Pete. Yeah. That's what that site is. Yeah, pull up more kites. Pull up more kites.

That's a piece that's gonna. October 16th, let's see who the famous, and then we have to do Rudy Roode. Yeah. I actually know some of the, because John Mayer and I have texted. Bryce Harper. Yes.

You made it? No, I didn't make it. I just like Bryce. Okay, wait, wait, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Okay. Zoom in to Jay Fred. That guy is more famous than me, Jay Fred.

He might have a bunch of YouTube followers. Is that our business manager? Yeah, he's, yes. That guy looks like a guy that works for me. Yeah. Jay Fred? Jay Fred. All right, zoom out.

Let's see who else. I know John Mayer, because we've talked about it. Who else? I mean, there's a bunch of new buddies. Who's Elon Fenerovic? And he is not 25. That's a lie. No, he's a 38-year-old man.

This guy's in his mid-60s. Right, but when you're Russian, you can do whatever you want. Yeah. Look at the girl that's dead is more famous than me. Oh my God. She died young, so I'm sorry to hear that. She died last year.

Rest in peace, Ashley Ross. I didn't know anything about her. I'm sorry about that. Sorry about that. Yeah. Terry TV, right, you had Colin TV. Yeah, you got Terry TV. I'm a new bowl.

Wait, the bowl is on the birthday? Zoom out. You got beat by a new bowl. Look. But I love Manute. And Flea, by the way. Flea's pretty cool. Flea's cool.

Who else? Manute Bowl's dead too? Oh my God. Yeah, he died in 2010. Jesus. For being too dope. You didn't make it. You and I didn't make it.

What's your birthday, Rudy? Let's see if you made it. Let's see. God, if you're on this, fuck, I'm walking out of this studio. She does. Dude, you know, every time I ask it, what's your birthday, Rudy?

So he can search. November 9th. November 9th. So every time I'm doing shows, afterwards I'm, you know, like if I'm toying around with the crowd when I check drop and I'm asking questions, I'm like, let's, you know,

let's have a chat because the, you can't, sometimes you just can't do meet and greets. I get it. And every time the question is about her, is Rudy gonna stay on the show? Yeah. We love Rudy so much. Yeah.

Dude, she has 70,000 Instagram followers. That's more than most people in comedy that we know. Yes. People would kill Tevron, I know when I wear this sweatshirt, people come up to me and be like, oh, Rudy, do you know Rudy? Cause it says Rudy's Knives on the back. That's so annoying.

I said, yes, she doesn't want to be with anyone. She wants no children. She wants no children. She hates people. Yeah, she's going to Pepperdine. Uh-oh, French Montana is on your birthday. Whoa. Huh.

That's what he says. Huh. And Jerry Perpdrank. Ooh, oh, Jerry Perpdrank. I like that he has a really white guy nerd name and Perpdrank is his last name. Look at this, Cringe Carter. That's what his frat called him.

Oh God, he looks like a dick. He's like, hey, what's up? It's me fucking French Carter, dude. Fucking SAE for live, Dougie. Dougie. Scroll down. Who else is on there? Oh, Nick Lachey has the same birthday as you.

You don't even know who that is. You don't know who that is. You've never heard of 98 degrees? It's 19, dude. That was like it. That was when we were fucking 19. What about the Backstreet Boys are in sync? I've heard of those two.

But you don't like care. Crazy. Who was, oh, you know how about this? How about this? Me and Andrew did podcasts with somebody from Fifth Harmony. Does that excite you? Oh, yeah. Oh, she says even now, Fifth Harmony doesn't care.

That's too old. Oh my God. Third one in on the first row. Cisco. Baby make it booty go. Oh. That donk, the donk, the donk, the donk. Do you know what the thong song is?

Oh, yeah. All right. That's great. Oh, Hedy Lamar. Oh my God. Do you know anything about Hedy Lamar? Hedy Lamar, yes. That's Snow White.

She's a genius. Yeah. So Hedy Lamar created, she was a very famous actress, but at the same time was the one that created a frequency hopping. Yes. Literally, creating frequency hopping that our fucking military ended up using.

And she didn't get credit for it for years. Yes. This is very, doesn't mean anything to anybody. But she really, she was really smart. And she was a cool actress. But she was like, I'm not just pretty, I'm smart. She created this frequency hopping where radios could communicate with each other

on different channels. Yes. And she was fucking, she was very important. In her face, she was the original inspiration for Snow White. That's right. That's her. Hedy Lamar, she was a big actress.

Snow White. White. White. Snow is white. Snow White. Go down. Scroll down. Sleep White.

Hail White. We got it all. We got all the precipitation. Fancy, are you circumcised? Is that a thing in Spain? Absolutely. Absolutely. And you guys love calamari out there, right?

Isn't calamari like a calamari sandwich, like a main dish? Yes. Yes, calamari is huge in Spain. I just watched my octopus teacher. Ma'am, pissed off about it. And I told you about that. I thought he was being sexually aggressive with that octopus. It made me cry.

It made me get emotional. It also creeped me out a little bit. Did you guys see that? I didn't like it. What did you think? Did we talk about this already? We did. It made me emotional.

I didn't like it. I just watched it again. It just made me like on the plane. I shouldn't have watched it on the plane. You know what I don't like watching stuff on the plane because you can feel people looking at your screen? Yes. I don't like that.

I don't like that either. iPad needs to come out with a thing that just attaches to my eyes so I can just stare at it and no one can see it. One time on a flight, this was like 2019, I was on a flight and I was reading a book. And the name of the book is The Nazi Symbiosis. And it has a big swastika on the side. And I was reading it.

And it's about how it's not. And the whole time you're just going, I'm just dying laughing. No, no, no. I think I've told this story once on, I probably told this story once on another podcast. But it's just what you're saying, this is a real thing. I was sitting next to a woman.

I didn't realize, I was always in the aisle seat so she could see the cover because I was like that. And there was a part in this book, The Nazi Symbiosis, which is really about, it's kind of like about Nazi and the eugenics and how their minds turned into doing what they did. It's like follows that. So one part, but they would talk about the horrors of the Holocaust.

And there's a part in the Holocaust where it's not funny. Well, you're laughing already. No, no, no, no, no. They wanted to Hitler and Himmler. Well, Goebbels is the propaganda minister. Himmler was really like Himmler. They were the ones doing the experiments. And they had one experiment where they wanted to,

they were going to try to invent something where Nazis could fly, like some type of flying power. So they would take Jewish members, people in the Holocaust, and in this big slingshot. Shut up. I swear to God, throw them up into the air with this potion. And they would hold just like. What, to see if they could fly?

You can't with this thing because they would do all these experiments and they would fall. What? Like, I'm talking about like 100 yards in the air and then they'd fall and obviously die. And when I was reading it, it was so shocking to me that I was almost repulsed and laughing. And this woman, at the end of the flight,

was like, I just thought it was a little inappropriate that you were giggling in that book. And I want to know what that was about. And I explained to her that, hey, like the Nazis were putting, injecting members of the Holocaust like this magic potion and putting them in a slingshot and throwing them up into the air. And they were falling on the floor.

So it's horrible, but I thought it was funny. And she was like, someone in my family was killing the Holocaust. I don't think anything about that book was funny. And I was like, nothing about the Holocaust is funny, like zero about the Holocaust is funny. But that is insane. I was like, but that, you know, like,

that's why I was laughing at that. Slingshotting people? They were slingshotting people into the air and then just standing there and be like, this one didn't work. So insane, you know? And so. Try it again.

Yes. Get to not to find the. Reload. Like, think about the mindset of these fucking pieces of shit. It is crazy that it's so interesting to want to learn about that stuff in history. But the more you read it, the more I like, I can't believe this is what people actually thought.

Well, it's one of those things too, where, you know, I love history and I'm fascinated with with reading books or watching documentaries about the enemies of the United States. Because when you read about the United States, it's like, it's always like, you know, way where winners are we going to put it to our citizens in a certain way? When you read about other countries, you're like,

oh, it's all, it's all the same everywhere you go. It's all the same. It's just that the people group gets power and they treat the other group like dog shit. That's just what happens anywhere from any country you go to. Yeah. But it's interesting. But it's an interesting thing to read those books.

It is, like, that, but that's why I'm so afraid. I don't want to, I don't want to like look at stuff on a plane that I'm like, there's stuff that I want to read or watch, but you just can't. The guy on the way, on the way in was watching Game of Thrones. He was a really cool dude. We started chatting. He was a baseball scout for the Cincinnati Reds.

Oh, sweet. Yeah. And he gave me a part. Can you be on the team because you have right here? He said yes. Wow. Great. He said yes. I asked, he said yes. I said, my buddy Chris is going to want to know

if I could be on the team. And he said, you got a kiddo. Gave me his card. So I think I'm pitching next week. Great. I got to go to Natty. I want to come. He said he was watching Game of Thrones

and he had it tilted a little bit. And he was talking about the F1 show and he was like, that's great. He's like, I'm watching Game of Thrones, but I got to be careful on a plane because there's a lot of nudity on the show. And I'm like, well, you're good for me. And he was like, yeah, but I've had it

where like a kid is looking through the crack. You know, like a little pervert kid is watching the set. And he goes, I had to like put my elbow up through to block the seat. Otherwise you have to turn to the dad and be like, hey, dude, he's getting some titty education right now. But that show, you do realize that when I watch stuff and I'm like, I can't.

Right. I don't want to, because even though it's like, it's not like a porno. It's just like a rated R show or movie. But then you see someone, you're conscious of it, like a, whenever a sex scene, I'm always like, okay. But you know what though, my feeling though, like if my kid, you know, I've been on flights

with my kids, I kind of like, once we walk, I tell them all the time, like once we walk out, like there are rules in the house, like, you know, no cursing, obviously there'll be no nudity. But once you walk out into the real world, you're going to see stuff. I don't want to shield them from that because then they grow up and they act like idiots.

So I would just, you know, if they turned around and was like, what's going on, I'd be like, well, you know, Cersei's getting, she's getting fucked. She's getting pouted. But. Well, I guess, I guess with the nudity and sexuality of the United States is so different. Like, is nudity common in the Philippines?

It's not a big deal, huh? Yeah, my siblings, my brothers watch like anything. And my mom doesn't care. Right. Nobody says anything. But Rudy, even on like the equivalent of like the CBS, like the local, you know, like the mainstream shows, they don't even block it out, right?

The Filipino, like the United States, we block all that stuff out. Or we say, oh, you know, you can't say shit. You have to say poo poo. But then, you know, they'll show Rambo with like AK-47s and grenades. And you're like, yeah, well, obviously, you know. We're okay with guns and death.

Cause we're a militarized country. We love the idea. Like we got, that's defense, right? Defense. But sex is naughty. Notice. Sex is wrong. Did you see today, Jeremy Corble came out.

There's more UFO stuff where they're saying like, now there's more sightings. And now the Navy is starting to say, spokespeople from the active Navy, not like retired, like active Navy today are saying, we believe they're a threat as well. So now it's like, it's going to happen. Before the end, before, I've been saying this

in almost every podcast I go on. Before the end of this year's over, I guarantee you, they say the aliens are real. And I guarantee you, they will say they're a threat. And here's the thing, baby, they are not real. That is other governments making aliens using their technology that they found. Those aliens are not real.

Do not believe it when you see it. They are not real. Who's making them? What country? We have reverse engineered technology from these alien civilizations that have landed here, crash landed, and they are all but peaceful with us. They don't really care about us.

But in order for a threat, I don't know if it's the 1%, of course it always could be George Soros. I don't know. But people now are going to, because the only way to unite us again is to have a war. We've already fought each other. There's only so many countries you can blow up. So now you have the Israel-Palestine thing happening.

What's going on? Go on, go on. So it's about Jesus. Was it in that book? Yes. Yeah. So you have that, that's happening, and that's going to reach a precipice very soon.

And then the aliens are coming right before the New Year is up, and we're going to be at war, maybe not at war with them, but the governments of the world are going to say, we need to unite, forget about racism and sexism and transgender bathrooms. We have a real threat now, and its aliens want to take us away. Every time there's been a pandemic,

every time there's been a Pandy-Wandy, alien sightings have increased tenfold. The bubonic plague, people start talking about aliens. 1918, people talking about aliens. So a lot of people think now, aliens may have been the ones that dropped COVID-19, not the people from Wuhan. It sounds alien-esque.

Yes, but do not believe it when you see it, folks. Yes. So aliens did it? COVID-19. Was aliens? Was aliens potentially, and the aliens that we're going to fight before 2021 is over, are not real?

They are government psyopsis. What government? Our government? Chrissy Sympies? One world government. Oh, it's the Illuminati. Yeah, it's the Illuminati. Beespoke Post!

Oh my, you know what, Andrew? Yes. The one thing you can say about me is I love adventures and surprises. You do, you guys love to go to Josh's tree. Yeah, when I get a box of awesome from Beespoke Post, they have so many cool things like camping gear, flasks.

Yeah, cooking tools. Cool like knives. Yeah, that's where Rudy got her knives from, from Beespoke Post box of awesome. No matter what you're into, they've got you covered. This is the best part about this. You just go on their website. You fill out this little tiny survey,

and they basically match you with some of the cool stuff that they've got inventory-wise, and it changes all the time, which is really cool. I got Bob outdoor gear bags for when they went to Joshua Tree that he thanked me for graciously. They have barware, which I got, because I'm a booze bag, so I wanted new rock glasses and a decanter.

And you know how you get started? How? You gotta take this quiz at boxofawesome.com, and your answers will help them pick the right box of awesome for you. That's cool. They release new boxes every month across a ton of different categories.

It's free to sign up. You can skip or cancel. Each box costs how much, Bob? Oh my God, 45 bucks, but it has over $70 worth of gear inside. Get 20% off your first monthly box when you sign up at boxofawesome.com and enter the code Bad Friends at checkout.

That's boxofawesome.com. Code Bad Friends. That's boxofawesome.com. Code Bad Friends for 20% off your first box. Better help. Hey. Yeah. Hey.

Yeah. We both use therapy. We're both good. And not only do I use therapy, I use this. Yeah, no, that's what I'm saying. I've used traditional therapy in the past, and I gotta tell you, better help can help you start communicating

in under 48 hours. It's the best. It's so easy, you can, yeah, under 40, and it's not a crisis line, it's not self-help. You guys listening right now, it's professional counseling done securely online. It's so easy, guys. The best part is, look, they match you with a counselor,

and if you don't like it for some reason, you can switch and change who you're working with. No matter where you are in the world, the service there. Yeah, you can do it mobily anywhere in the world. And it's more affordable than traditional offline counseling. A lot of people are afraid to do counseling because it's expensive to go get any kind of therapy.

And I gotta tell you, this is extremely well placed. You'll feel much better, you'll be much happier if you use the service, guys. Visit their website and read their testimonials that are posted daily, okay? Yeah, you can go to betterhelp.com slash badfriends. That's a help, better help, H-E-L-P, and join the over one million people

who have taken charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional. This is the real deal. In fact, you know, Andrew, so many people have been using BetterHelp that they're recruiting additional counselors in all 50 states. If your counselor looking for a job,

go to betterhelp.com slash badfriends. Get started. This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp and Bad Friends. Listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash badfriends. That's betterhelp.com slash badfriends. Rudy, can we interest you enjoying QAnon?

Oh, you're QAnon, we're in QAnon, it's a new group. Can we interest you in that in QAnon? Do you know what QAnon is? No. I would, that's something I think to write a nice college essay on. On Q. Pro QAnon.

You're pro Q, okay? What is that? Just be pro Q and write about it. Just say I'm pro Q. And you believe in aliens? Yeah. Yeah, kind of. Yeah, that's part of it.

Okay, that's just a UFO sighting spike dramatically during the coronavirus. Why is that? Well, because, and I watched this, saw this on ancient aliens where every time there's a pandemic. You sound like my dad. My father loves ancient aliens.

Fox News and ancient aliens, that's all it is. Yeah, yeah. He's like, Tucker Carlson and the UFOs, yes. It's funny that the same guys that are just like hardcore Republicans are also like pyramids rebelled by aliens, dude. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, because they say like the sightings, there were no triangles. Nobody did triangles before the Egyptians did them in the pyramids and they say that some of the alien ships that they're seeing now are perfect triangles. But don't you think that could have just been figured out by a guy at some point? No.

You don't think some guy was just like, Oh, okay. And that shape made sense. Look at that. They are beautiful structures. Have you ever been there? No, I'm not going to fucking Egypt. Why?

Yuck. I'm just kidding. No, I'm joking. You know what's funny is they say like literally. I do want to go back. Like half a mile now from these pyramids is a pizza hut. There's a pizza hut. I think there's less than,

I think there's one inside the third pyramid. Pizza hut, the pyramid. Oh, look at that. Pizza hut, you can see the pyramid. By the way, I like that. Get a cheesy stuffed crust and fucking go ahead and see the pyramids. Why the hell not?

Who's going to say no to that, dude? I would love that. I think that's a great idea. Yeah. That's like, that reminds me of that show, an idiot abroad, Karl Pilkington. Oh, and Gervais. Gervais, that was my favorite bit that they did

when they went to that old, those old cities, those ruins that were built into the wall, built into the mountain sides. And the palace was on one side. Oh, wait a minute. I think it's like in Iran, right? Is it in Iran? Oh, it's in Iran.

It's in the Middle East. And he goes, and they take him to the palace and then they take him to the slums. And he was like, well, rather than live in the slums, why don't you wake up and look at a palace every morning? Why would you want to wake up in a palace, look at the slums every fucking morning? And I was like, it actually makes so much sense.

Yeah. It's like that, that is what, like I, I like not living fancy rich in the Hollywood Hills. Yeah. Because I get to look up at the mountains. Yeah, it's beautiful. I don't want to look down at scum like me. Ugh.

I don't want to live fancy and look down. Gross. By the way, I did, you know, first class that I was flying in this morning, only because I didn't pay for it, it did that thing where you get on the plane in the middle and then you split left and right. Ooh.

You know that where left is first class and right is a, Yeah. And it was kind of fun because there was a woman who was causing a real annoying fit at the front desk, like complaining about like why she was in whatever group she was in. She's an older blonde lady, big hair, probably had two fucking bottles of Kim Crawford,

Chardonnay before at about 8 AM. And she was just like, she was just being like annoying. She's just loud. 30 in the fucking morning. And she's like, and the desk person is just like, bitch, what do you want me to do? It's a computer, you have one, what do you want? It's over.

And she's wants me to do whatever, whatever. Anyway, I get on the plane and then I see her get on. And she's kind of looking fancy. Like she has rich stuff on. You know when somebody looks like they have rich stuff? I don't even know, but it looks like it. Like how Pete's, like Pete's fancy pants today. Exactly.

He looks like he has rich stuff. Yeah. Turns out it's Tommy Hilfinger. Right. And I'm on the plane and I get up to grab my charger. I've already been on the plane. I get up to get my charger out of my bag and I look and this old annoying cow doesn't make a left with us.

She goes down to the back of the plane. I liked it. That's what she gets. Her complaining and thinking that she's important. People think they're important all the time. No. They're not fucking special. And then you're going to Hawaii.

I'm going to Hawaii. Come on, I want to lay a man. I cannot wait. I'm going to the big island. I've never been to the big island before. I've never been to Hawaii, period. Have you been to Hawaii, period? What?

No. Yes, it's incredible. Yeah. Is it great? I've been a few times. I think people who live in California go there, but for us, it's like a 12-hour thing. Right.

It's only five for us. I'm sure there's people in LA who go to Hawaii for the weekend and come back. I don't know about the weekend, but people do. Oh yeah, rich people, I guess they do. Yeah. In New York, we go to Atlantic City. Oh, you guys, did you go with Bobby?

Yeah. Last time? And also we're going next week. Oh, you guys are going back? Well, but Bobby's not coming. No, he's not. Wait, where are you guys going? Kauai.

Yeah, Kauai is great. It's very vegetative. I've been to Maui, Kauai. I've never been to the Big Island, though. What's the Big Island? Hawaii. Is that like Honolulu, where Honolulu is? No, Honolulu is Maui.

So the Big Island's called the Big Island. It's called Hawaii, the Big Island. Oh, so, but wait, so you're saying like, when you fly into a place, you're sitting, like somebody's address is, I live on 1713 Pineapple Street, the Big Island. It's actually Coconut Road. Yeah.

See, look, that's the one I'm going to, the big one, down in the bottom. Hawaii. There you go. So Kauai, how far of a flight is from Hawaii to Kauai? To the last one, to Kauai. I think it's only an hour. But so do you, when you get on a flight,

when you fly, like when you were going from Los Angeles to Hawaii. To Big Island, yeah. Do you always have to land on the Big Island and then you take little planes from there, or you can go direct? No, you can fly right into Honolulu. Got it.

Honolulu is on Oahu. Sorry, yeah, that's right. And Maui is Wailaea, or whatever. Lanai is the one I want to go to. Got it. That's where they have all the pygmy wolves that you can catch, you can run out and catch, you can do hunt and go see.

But do you, like when you go to Hawaii, do you have to just usually pick one island, or can you go in one trip, go to a bus? No, a lot of people will fly into the Big Island and then you can, I think you can take boats and cruises and trips to around. There's cruises that go to all of them, you know? But which one is looks more like,

is in Honolulu looks like just a city, right? Like you're not really in Hawaii when you go to Honolulu. Honolulu kind of feels like shitty Beverly Hills. Got it. It kind of has like a lot of fighters, like Tommy Hillfinger stores and Kate Spade. It has a lot of typical commercial shit, Maui does too. I mean, I think Kauai has the least amount of the shit.

Right. And the Big Island is the most popular, so it has everything you've ever needed. Have you ever done stand up there at that blue pearl room or something like that? No, but you know that's literally why I'm going tomorrow, to do stand up. And no, I know to do stand up, but not at that place.

Oh, I've never performed in Hawaii, whether it's for a private event, like I'm doing it for public. I do know people that do that, that have gone to it. It's just you tomorrow too, just a one man show. Yeah, it's a little awkward. No, but who cares?

You just go in there and you fucking, you know. There's gonna be it. There's like 15 people. There's gonna be it. They hand me the mic and I'm gonna go, hey, hey, hey, hey. And three guys are just gonna be like, yeah, yeah. But we'll have fun. Well, fun.

And then you go and you'll hang out there for a few days. Might have to do, hey, hey, hey. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but hang out for a few days and I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go swim with sharks, which I'm excited about and hopefully get my wife out there and then the boat takes off. Great.

Help. And I'm like, where'd she go? Yeah, dude. You come back. Yeah. Then you and I can do what we always wanted to do. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Yeah, no, I think, I know.

I think it's gonna be fun. Jasmine would make it back. Jasmine would fucking make it back. I know she'd make it back. She's an eight month pregnant. She'd swim back. She'd swim back on the back of a shark. She'd come out of the water and be like,

you motherfucker, she would come out. She'd come out. She'd come out. I swam all the way back. Yeah, she'd swim back to New York. What should I do when I'm in Hawaii, Rudy, this time? Tell me what you guys are gonna do. We're gonna go hiking.

Boo, I do that here. Diving. Oh, I like diving. And that's it. And that's it. And who's going? You and Kalayla? And her sister.

Her sister, yeah. That's gonna be so fun. So fun. Do you guys get an Airbnb stay in a hotel? I think Airbnb. Airbnb's the way to go, right? Are you staying in a hotel you smelly or an Airbnb? I'm staying in a hotel.

Nice one. But I'm staying in a nice one. Yes. One of the nicest ones. One of the ones where, you know, one of the ones where you stay and then you're like, this is a very nice hotel. Yeah, one of the ones where they're like whites only.

Yeah. Yeah, you walk in, they go, sir, you are perfect because I am very, very white. If you got a little Tanny Wanny, they're like, excuse me, sir. Sorry. And you turn, you're like, my name is Bryce. And they're like, come on.

Come on. And you're fine. We just didn't know. Yeah, I'm staying at a fancy-pantsy hotel. I was in a Ritz Carlton two years ago. It must've been 2019. It was me, Jazz, and the two kids. And I walked to the Ritz Carlton.

I walked in a little bit ahead and I was holding the bags. And the guy, you know, bell person came over and then Jazz came and the little, and the, and you know, she was holding both the kids' hands and some bags. And the guy said to me. It's your nanny.

No, in front of her. He goes, he goes, he goes, okay, dad. He goes, dad, kids, you know, like, you know, he's like, you guys want a drink? He goes, and Mrs. Nanny, what would you like? And she was like, excuse me? So bad. And cause he just genuinely thought.

Yeah. And he was like, and then she was- I would make the same mistake. She was like, Mrs. Nanny? She was like, I'm married to him. I was like, that, now you're getting crazy. We're dating. It's Ms. Nanny to you, pal.

To you, bitch. I was like, we're together. She kind of is the nanny. Yeah. I take that back. I take it back, Jazz. I take it back, I take it back. I don't want her to beat the shit out of me.

No, she, I mean, she is. Well, no, her transgender uncle, Titi Jerry, is technically our nanny and our cleaning lady. Is he a godmother to your kids? He will be, actually, Jazz and I discussed that today cause we're having a second baby due July 4th. And she, America. And we talked about Titi Jerry being

the godmother and father. But Titi is still a man. He hasn't transitioned yet. He has a Pishka deal, but he's on estrogen hormone therapy. So he's getting boobies. So he has boobies already. And he said he never wants to cut her off cause he likes having a penis.

He likes feeling the ass of a man. But wait a minute, at what point then when he's going through the transition, does he? He just wants to become female. He doesn't want to become fully, he doesn't want to cut off his peeps. But then he does want to be called he or she. He said whatever, like for example,

when he came and did my podcast, Chrissy Chaos, Tuesdays, 11 a.m. Easter time. Please listen to it, it's incredible. Thank you. He, and also, hey babe, Thursdays, 11 a.m. Easter time. And patreon.com, such Chrissy comedy. We're gonna cut all this out, go ahead. Thank you.

He magic spoon. He, when he came in to do my podcast, he was wearing one of my sweatshirts from the Denver Comedy Works. And then when he left, he was wearing one of Jasmine's leather jackets. So he, he wears, he in one day told us, if he feels like a man, he comes and acts like a man.

If he feels like a woman, he comes out and acts like a woman. If you go to his Instagram at T.O.Jerry, right? That's T.Jerry. Are you doing comedy spots tonight or no? Fuck no. No, right? I gotta get on a plane first thing in the morning. Really, do you think I look skinnier this time?

You look the same. You do look the same. You don't think you lost weight, did you think you lost weight? From the last time? Well, how much do you weigh? In September. How much do you weigh? Right now, maybe 225, but when I saw you, it was 240.

No, you weren't. Yes. Were you really? So why doesn't anybody care about me? Well, that sweater makes you look bulky. You're, I know your skinnier underneath. Your face looks the same. I don't think it's face.

Did his face skin? It's the same. Would you say have a fatter face or a face that doesn't look fat? In the middle? In the middle. You have a middle face. What about Andrew's face?

Thinner. Yes! What about homeless face? What about Pimp's face? In the middle. In the middle. Okay. Who's, how about, how about Fancy?

What about his face? He's a little fat in the face. Yeah, a little fat in the face. Okay. I love leading. What about Bobby's face? Jesus Christ, excellent. So he's fat.

So I don't have a fat face, but it's in between. Andrew's face is skinny. Well, it's thin and out because I didn't eat lunch. You know what I've noticed about, one thing I have noticed about since I've been getting a little older is literally my body, I mean, it feels like, like pants will fit Friday and they won't fit Sunday

if I eat bad Saturday. No, that's a fact. But when I was in my 20s, like it didn't matter, it would take a month to get fat. Now with genuinely in 24 hours, your whole life changes. Well, dude, yesterday I ate the worst meals I could have eaten and then Rogan wanted to go out after we did the show.

And so he got a Tomahawk steak at midnight. Oh my God. And you have to eat that without me. Dude, if it weren't for the HGH, he'd be dead, dead. How could you eat a Tomahawk steak at midnight? It's insane. He was like, what do you have in a salad? I was like, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. It's midnight. It's midnight. Yeah. These guys are eating 48 ounces of fucking meat. I was like, how can you do that? And he just gets up and he's more ripped the next morning. Honestly, yeah, more jacked.

And then there was a couple of UFC fighters that were there too. And those guys are just, they're so daunting. Dude, this one dude talked about, I'm not gonna mention his name, but he talked about like after he got knocked out and they tried to do concussion protocol and they didn't really say whether or not he had one.

They didn't know. And then five days later, he just passes out. Geez. And then just like walking around. Just passed out. And he was joking about it. He was like, yeah, I smacked my head and everything. And I was like, are you okay?

And he was like, yeah, it was okay. Yeah. Because I fell face first on concrete. Yeah. And he talked about it like it was like you and me saying, I just stubbed my toe. Yay. I hit my toe on the bench, you know?

I think I heard, maybe it was Joe Rogan or maybe Matt Sarah, maybe Dana White somebody was like the thing with UFC fighting, it's obviously the muscles and the fighting technique, of course important, but the number one thing they need to have is fearlessness. Yeah, they just have to be just have to be just raw. And yeah, that's what I did say about that F one thing.

The one thing about those youthful drivers, those kids, the kids are the best because they don't give a shit. Yeah. They just are like, what, I'm not gonna die? No, yeah, I know. And if I do fucking party on it. Dude, I used to go on roller coasters all the time. Like it didn't matter, I'm on roller coasters.

And now when, you know, you don't go to the amusement parks for that long, but now the kids are old enough where they want to go. And like yesterday we were down at the Santa Monica Pier and my stepson was like, come on, let's go on the roller coaster because, you know, Delilah's too small and Jasmine's too pregnant, so they can't go on. So I, and I was like, I was like, okay, let's go on.

Like we'll go on. Like that'll be the last one. But I was trying to buy time because I was trying to like work myself up, work myself up to do it. And then I ate a, like a funnel cake. Oh, Chris. Yes, I ate a funnel cake and I blamed the funnel cake.

I said, oh man, my stomach's killing me. Like we gotta make like an emergency exit. You siss. But it was all, I was fine. I felt great. It was because I didn't want to go on the roller coaster because I was scared. What if, because I have a fat face, thank you,

and a fat body, what if when we're going on the roller coaster the contraption, you know, goes up and I fall and that's how I die. And I was so scared to do that where I never would have thought about that when I was 25. But now all these things, you think about like the roller coaster.

I was like, they have, it's, you know, COVID protocols. Who knows if they, I'm not worried about getting the virus but what, you know, they're under man, they're under staff. What if this thing comes off the tracks? They're probably not checking it. They're, you know, people are just getting benefits from good old sleepy Joe Biden and not coming to work. So I was like, you know, all these things could happen.

And then I'm going to be the one that dies. So let me eat the funnel cake, fake the diarrhea, and then we'll go back home. You're a wuss. You should have helped your kid out. You're a fat funnel cake loser. I love you. I love you.

Sleepy Joe. Sleepy Joe is going to be, yeah, he's probably in charge of all that stuff. Yeah, well, you know, Kamala has to change his colostomy bag every day. Every day. He takes out of the poop bag and throws it out. Yes.

And then she's got to change his colostomy bag. Every single day. It's pretty crazy. God bless, God bless Joe Biden. Let's see TT Jerry's Instagram profile. Now we can show up. So look at TT killing. Look at that hot.

And by the way, are we still doing a donation for TT's transition? Yes. If you want to go to christiecomedy.com, we got merch up there now. We're getting new merch from the boys at Killer Merch. Nice. Boys at Killer Merch are going to design a new TT Jerry shirt,

which will also procedure going to continue TT Jerry on her estrogen replacement therapy, which was stopped since she got out of prison. The government no longer will pay for your tits if you are not in prison. I think that's insane. They'll only give you tits if you're in jail. So she literally is contemplating.

She said, go back. She was like, well, I feel like I should fucking be out here smoking crack again, so I could go back and get my tits. Just let her rob you guys. Well, she probably is. Yeah. She's been cleaning the house without us there.

And I'm like, Jess, that's a ridiculous thing to do. I mean, she did 25 years in prison for Grand Larsen. She's like, you're going to disrespect my family. I'm like, she's stealing all your shit. Yeah, but fine. Fuck it. So TT, so there's TT. And by the way, please go to christiecomedy.com,

buy some merch so we can get TT's full transition because I think that's important. And look at that rumpus shot right there. Oh, no, she's got a nice set ass. Yeah. Nice too. I mean, look at this one in the shorts over there. Yeah, looking good.

She looks exactly like my girlfriend. It's a coin flip. And it's Jazz's uncle? That's Jazz's uncle. By birth, yeah. By birth, yeah. Dad's brother. Mom's brother.

Mom's brother. Mom's brother. So she, so yeah. That's my favorite. By the way, I love you guys. Love you guys. She wants to remind you guys that she loves you guys. And most of these photos taken by the homeless pimp,

especially the ones in the bikini. Pimp, great stuff. Yes. Honestly. Let's see how some she wants to look like a guy. She's got the mask on. Right, so that's what I'm confused. I'm not even making a joke.

The pronoun thing is kind of wild because then you just don't know what pronoun she's going to prefer. Well, she told us. She told us on the podcast when she came on it. It was actually really a fascinating episode because she said she was like, you know, being in jail, she was like, I've been transgender my whole life. She's like, this isn't like a movement for me.

She's like, I always, you know, she's like, I feel like a lot of the people now, the younger kids, she's like, I think they're a little confused on, you know, this is her saying that. She's like, I just don't think they all really know what this life is about. She's like, and the pronoun stuff, she's like, when I walk past you,

she's like, when I walk, when I'm walking past you, it doesn't matter what I'm thinking in my head. She's like, when I'm walking past you, if you say, excuse me, sir, I'm turning around. She's like, so I'm a man. She's like, even though I want to be a woman, I want to be looked at as a woman. She still says she's a man.

She's like that pronoun bullshit. She was like, that shit is embedded in my brain chemistry. That's what she said. Embredded. Yeah, embedded. Deeply fried, embedded. Yeah. Look, as far as I'm concerned, I don't give a fuck

of people, whatever people want to be called. I just do think it is kind of hard sometimes, you're like, well, you'd have to know the person, know what they prefer. Yeah, I- It's not like you can check out somebody's Twitter bio as soon as you come up to them and be like, what are you, by the way, Instagram just added that. Did you see that?

No. Literally this week, Instagram added pronouns on the profile, because I went to go- Interesting. Like put up a post or something, or edit the link on my post for YouTube. Right. And here, look at this.

When you go to edit profile on Instagram, pronouns. Whoa, what are you going to put in? Put in- I don't know, loser? Yeah. Put in loser. Shitface? Yeah.

Redcock? Redcock. Firecrotch, ginger. I know what I'm going to put in, fatface. Fatface. Fatface5, you said he's a five, right? Fatface5. Oh my God, will you change it to Fatface5?

Fatface5. Fatface5. Your next album. Fatface5. Fatface5. Presents Chris DiStefano. Yeah. Are you going to do a special, by the way?

Well, we've talked about it, because we have the same agent. We've spoken about it, but I don't know that anybody's going to take a chance on all Chrissy Nutbags. Take a chance on me. Take a chance on me. Someone's going to take a chance on you.

So Daddy's got shows coming up. We got a bunch of shows. ChrissyComedy.com, hello. We got all, we're starting Providence. We just put a second show at the Fox Theatre in Connecticut on Hale, so get the tickets, thank you. But we may just take one of those shows, because Pimp films everything.

We may just mic the audience and do one of those and just put that special out on YouTube like our good friends Mark Norman did, and Andrew Schultz and all these people. I may just do that, but what about you? I don't really know, man. I don't really know what I want to do. I haven't decided.

I can't really make up my mind. For now, I just want to do a bunch of live shows. By the way, the live show that I am, the show I'm doing in Hawaii for the private event is for Prince Harry. Amazing. Yep, he wanted a good little competition. He said, come out and see if you can get my wife from me.

Yes. I said, I will not do another part of the royal family. I'm going to get her. I'm going to get her. I'm going to get that briefcase girl. I'm going to get her from the... Prince Henry. Prince Harry.

Henry. Prince Henry's saying now that... He was mad at Joe Rogan. Meghan Markle is behind all the... Attacks on the royal family. Oh, I thought so. He just said, there's a headline. I just saw it before I came in.

He said that Meghan Markle is behind it all. Wait a minute. Which one's the red-headed guy? Prince Harry. You're saying Prince William, you mean? No, no, no, no, no. He's calling out his own wife for... That's what he said.

Hold on. Really? Yeah, hold on, hold on. I remember Poo Hall signed with the Dodgers. Prince Harry. He's not dropped? Prince... What did we say?

We took your dad to the game. We took Chris's dad to the baseball game. Tampa Tony. And Tampa Tony. Who looked special at? He is so funny. Yeah, he's got the one lazy eye. Hurt bus.

Yeah. But Tony was hunched over and he just goes... His dad doesn't say much, but he's such a cool dude. Like such a sweet guy. And his dad was hunched over and I go, man, Poo Hall's just kind of at the end of the run, huh? And your dad goes, they should have had a guy rid of him a long time ago.

Yeah. And then he just stared back at the field again. Yeah. Your dad is almost like Rain Man. And the idea that we started talking baseball and he would just throw out facts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Out of nowhere.

We were talking about our favorite, from our childhood, baseball players that kids don't know. I mean, some of them know, but, you know, we were saying like, you brought up Bobby Bonilla. And then I think I had mentioned Jose O'Kendo, one of the greatest, why can't I think of the word? What's wrong with me?

He can switch positions all the time. Utility players. Utility. And your dad started rattling off numbers, like rain, like in the casino. I mean, he started like bobbing artistically. Yeah, yeah. It was like, O.B.P. 492, 492, O.B.P. O.B.P.

I was like, oh my God. And his eye would get lazy and then he just had his pretzel and he was dipping in the cheese sauce. But he would just put the cheese under his eyes. And then he would eat the pretzel. Tampa Tony was incredible. Tampa Tony.

But yes, so if you saw it, they pulled up an article. What did Prince Harry say? Prince Harry is saying that, well, you had it and then you lost it. Prince Harry, Meghan Markle opened my eyes to the unhappiness. Oh, right.

He's agreeing with what she said. Oh, he's agreeing. Oh, okay. I'm sorry. Because you see how misleading the New York fricking post is. Well, and page six is also clickbait. Look at the New York Post.

Look at the New York Post article. They say Prince Harry suggests Meghan Markle is behind attacks on royal family. That's so fun. This is such a lie. What does this prove to us, if anything? That the media is lying. Don't believe them.

The aliens are psyops. Aliens aren't real. God, I wish to this day, Trump didn't say fake news because people just hated him enough that they didn't take it serious and it became like a joke phrase. Right.

If anybody else had coined fake news, it would have still had weight to it. Sure. Because it's real. It is off bullshit. Sure. That's proof that it's like one article thinks this way. The other one says this.

Yeah. And it's all bullshit. I want, yeah, dude, I mean, yeah. What's your source of news, Rudy? Do you read news? Do you ever indulge in anything newsworthy? Sometimes. See, this generation doesn't give a shit.

They don't care, right? You just, whatever, it's on TikTok, kind of, right? I deleted TikTok. You deleted TikTok? Why? It's annoying. It is annoying. That's so funny.

God, she's way cooler than I am. Interesting. How did it feel? Did it feel liberating when you? It felt like nothing. Dude, she's the most, she's the most, she doesn't have any emotions.

Yeah. She's dead inside. Serial killer. Okay, watch. Watch this. Look straight into the camera. Let's go through this. Ready?

Okay. Happy face. Put on a sad face. Put on an angry face. I don't know. It's all the same. You see what I mean? It's all the same.

Yeah. Look up people that can't express emotions. Yeah. What is that? Is that Asperger's? Yeah, look, I bet you the first person that pops up is Ted Bundy. It might be.

Ted Bundy, people that can't express emotion. Yeah. Because Rudy doesn't know emotions. Yeah. I love the name Rudy. I like Rudy and Rudy. Here, let's go. Related health conditions.

Go over to the right. Let's see. All right. Do you have alexa demia? It's a personality trait that's characterized by the subclinical inability to identify and describe emotions based on experience by oneself. So how would you describe yourself, Rudy?

What, how would you say you are? What kind of personality do you have? Boring. I like to sleep. I like dogs. This sounds like Alex laughing at me. Yeah, I was gonna say, you're connecting things that don't make sense.

It sounds like Alex's sexier with a bit of Tourette's. Okay. Okay, let's go to the next one. What does that say? Go to the next one. So ADD, do you have attention deficit disorder? Do you take Adderall? No.

So you don't have ADD? You don't have ADD. Okay. That's fine. Well, it could, I think it's that one. It's alexa demia. You have alexa demia. How do we say that?

Alexa demia. All about alexa demia. Alexa demia. And by the way, we don't wanna offend the alexa demia community right now, by the way. Yeah. Alexa demia isn't well understood. There's a possibility.

You'll go up Pete right there. Thanks to autism. Got it. Boom. There's a possibility, it might be genetic. The conditions also be a result of brain damage to the insula. Have you ever had brain damage, Rudy?

No. You sure you've never had damage to the insula? I don't think so. Were you ever punched as a kid or dropped or hit? Let's check her. I gotta knock on your head. That's how, that's how you know. That sounds like such a R generation damn thing.

Yeah. Your head is fine. Let it knock on the head around a little bit. You knock on the head, you find out. Well, it does say emotions and depression. It's linked with depression. Do you have depression? You sleep all the time.

You're bored. You're bored, you're angry, you're mad, you're sad. You love knifes. You've thought about death a lot. Rudy, I think you have alexa demia. Go up again, alexa? Alexa. Alexa demia.

Alexa, what is it? It's called, it's called, alexith, who can do that? Alexa demia. Fancy, say it. Alexa demia. Alexa demia. Sounds like from Spain. It's so nice.

Alexa demia. Alexa demia. Why do they look so much the air? Alexa demia. Well, the Spanish? Yeah, what is that about? Why? Yeah, I know that I'm sure people have beat this to death,

but I do want to know, Fancy, why do Spanish people have that list? What is it? Do we know why? What is it, fans? We can distinguish between letters and sounds. So we have the S and the, it's two different sounds. He's being fucking condescending.

He's being a little condescending. Don't forget, don't forget that this country has bailed you out of everything since the beginning of anything, all right? Origins of the lisp of Spain. Now say the lisp of Spain. Lisp. If you study Spanish long enough,

sooner or later you'll want to kill yourself. What is that? Why does it say that? Sooner or later you'll hear a tale about Spanish king Ferdinand. Got it. Who supposedly spoke with a lisp, causing Spaniards to imitate him,

pronouncing the Z and sometimes the C to be pronounced with a S and the S. So they copied the king. Thin. That's how fucking, that's how, that's how lack of any sort of like, you know, personal integrity the Spanish have. They just copied the king.

Well everything, all like even curse words all come from the king. Like that's what fuck means, you know what fuck means. I've heard this, but this has also been debunked over the years. No, I've heard that it's real. The fornication under the consent of the king. Yes.

I've been, this has been debunked many times because there's a, there is a, we're gonna go into history dive, you and I. Yeah, I always make it happen. You can say, do etymology of fuck. He won't know how to spell etymology. No, let's give a shot. Oh, yes, he did.

Wow. Yes, he did. So that thing under the consent of the king I've heard, but also there is a word that is Latin that they think it suggested might come from as well. This article is definitely not good. Well, there you go. Attested from earliest 16 COED second edition

of the forms of fuck it. And the earliest attested appearance of current spelling 1553, presumably it's more ancient word. See it's a more ancient word, but we don't know. Okay. Okay. We don't really know.

Well, we don't really know. Oh, look at that though. Bucksite's proper name John LeFucker from 1278. Dude, John LeFucker. John LeFucker. Perdon, perdon, perdon, perdon. What is your name? John LeFucker.

I would love to hang out with John LeFucker. Who is this guy? Let's look at John LeFucker. Look at John LeFucker. No, that's not, he's not gonna, there's gonna be no images of him. It was from the fucking 1200s. Go to all.

There he is. John LeFucker. John LeFucker. Yeah. He's living literally near my house. This guy lives on the bridge. Go to all, go back to all. Cause I want to do, I want to read his Wikipedia.

John LeFucker. Here we go. Right there, click on that. Was an Englishman. Zoom in. He was an Englishman. Who what? Who appears in the administrative record of 1278

who has attracted attention and unusual surname. Ah, his name has been proposed as incorporating the earliest recorded instance of the English swear word, fuck, but this interpretation has been challenged. See, no one. I'm sorry, Rudy. I said I wouldn't, but because you said I had a fat face, I just wanted to get you back one time.

No, I'm used to it. Okay, sorry. It's so gross. Have you ever farted in front of the team? You farted in here once. No. Yes, I think we caught you once. No.

Yes, Rudy. Yes, we did. Yes, we did. Remember Fanti, cause she went like this. She was like, she coughed. You did fart in front of us one time. No. Yes, look at, she's embarrassed now.

Fine. No. No, Filipinos, they don't fart. They don't fart. Very small butts and very small butt holes. John LaFucker, by the way, is not real. He's gonna be real. I mean, it was a guy, but you know, it's just not,

he didn't do anything. Oh, LaFucker. LaFuck yeah. L'ferkill. He was an Englishman, oddly enough. So it's not. It was John LaFucker. Hey, I'm John LaFucker.

Isn't that your friend, John LaFucker? John LaFucker. Hello, John LaFucka, it is. It's a great name. Hello, hello, hello, John LaFucka. If your kid is born on the 4th of July, you're gonna name it America or Stars and Stripes or Guns or...

Donald. Donald. Donnie. Donnie. No, if it's a girl in Melania, if it's a guy, Donald. No, we're gonna name her Betsy Ross. What do you, do you have a name picked? You can't say it on the air, I'm sure.

No, no, no, why couldn't we? Is that, are you not allowed to say that? I think women have a thing with saying the name, it's a little bit of a jinx. Oh, okay, so then I guess, so... I don't know if Jazz might get mad, it's on you. Okay, so I won't, all right. Yeah, no, we were gonna name...

You've never said it on the other pods. Have I said it already on the other pods? Oh, you have? Are you idiot? Did you tell Jazz about that? Yeah, Jazz knows, oh, Jazz doesn't know. Okay, so we won't say it then. Tim, Tim's like...

We won't say it on him. Yeah, I'm gonna name her Rudy. It is a very pretty name. Rudy and Ruby, Ruby's a very pretty name. But neither are her real name, her real name's Juliana. So why do they call her Rudy? Rudy Giuliani. Got Giuliana is a beautiful name, too.

I like Giuliana. Giuliana is a beautiful name. She doesn't like it. But we can't name that because there's already a baby Julie in my family, so we can't do that. But Giuliana... Did they call you Julie when you were a kid? Yan.

Same thing, same same, I guess. Same same. That's like, did they call you Mark? It was like, no, they called me Steven. You're like, oh, right. Yes, it's just... Same thing, yeah. Wait, Yan?

Yan. Isn't that Chinese money? Man, the Chinese are taking over every day. Everything, no, isn't even the Filipinos names. I think a dollar is a Chinese Yan. Yeah, Yan, yeah. What is Yan, what is Yan? I don't know, my aunt just said that

and then it just started my nickname. But now do people in your family call you Rudy or only known as Rudy on this podcast? Yeah, only here. Only here. Do you like it? I'm getting used to it. Will you write a book one day because you feel,

I felt like you've been pressured into doing things on the show? No. We've never, she has always opted out of anything she didn't wanna do on the show or be a part of. She's always been the control of her own universe. Isn't that right, Rudy? Isn't that right, Rudy?

Yes. Yeah, Rudy. Yeah, that works. Yeah, Rudy. Just tell her what to do. She has to do it. She's gotta say what she has to say into the camera. I want her to take more control.

Let's close the show strong with Rudy. No, I don't wanna go. All right, we'll stay. I gotta go. You do, you gotta go to Dinsky Doodles. I gotta go to Dinsky Doodles. We didn't get any resies. No.

No reservations. Well, it's Saturday. I know. I always think, I'm always at like six o'clock. Like, hey, you got a party for nine at 6.45. Yeah, no chance. They're like, no. They're like, yeah, sure, on the roof.

Yeah. You wanna sit up by the air conditioning unit with a cooked smoke? Yeah. We're gonna go to Malibu first and take family portraits on El Matador Beach. Today? With Homeless Pimpy.

Today. Yeah, because of Sunset. If it is, you gotta get out of here. No, but Sunset. We wanna do Sunset. Oh, Sunset, you gotta couple out. Yeah. Yeah, and then we're gonna go,

we're gonna go to a restaurant, though. Do you know Caitlyn Jenner is running for mayor of Los Angeles? Do you know that I'm trying to move things around where I can get a legal Los Angeles address? Governor, I meant governor. Sorry. To give her a vote.

Governor. Republican. Got my vote. Okay, so here's what's crazy. She's running as a Republican. She's always been a Republican. Mm-hmm. She's against gay marriage.

What? Where do we live? I love it. She's a transgendered, famous person who's against a part of a community that she is a part of, right? LGBTQIA. Or what is it now?

It's LGBTQIA, whatever. And I mean, I'm not saying this in a disrespectful manner. Obviously, I don't know all the acronyms now because they've just added some new. She's a part of this community and she's against it. Yeah. That's the craziest shit I've ever heard of my fucking. I don't care that she's a Republican.

I'm not saying that means as much. I'm saying, how can you be against gay marriage? I don't understand. Yeah. By the way, I don't understand that as someone who isn't trans. I don't know. I don't give a fuck if gay guys want to get gay women.

Who, I don't want to go to your wedding at all. Yeah. I don't want to go to a heterosexual wedding. They're fucking annoying. Annoying. I'm going to another, I got to go to another one. I got to go to another one and I'm dreaded it. Yeah.

By the way, you want to ban gay marriage? Ban straight marriage too. Yes. Ban all marriage. Yes. I'm fine. Yes, yes. Ban all marriage.

Ban all marriage. Ban all marriage. Get rid of marriage. It's insane. Yeah. You never want to get married, right? Yeah. You're smart.

Good. I don't understand. How could against other people doing stuff, what kind of fucking bananas nonsense is that that you're like, I don't like that those people want to do something. No, it's ridiculous. Mind your own business.

You idiot. Anyway, I'm still going to vote for her. Yes. Yeah, of course. I vote. I think she'll, no, I do think she'll probably win. I genuinely mean that. I think she will, just because of popularity.

For me, it's three R's. Red, right, Republican. Yeah. Google Caitlyn Jenner. I want to see like her, did she have a government website? Like I'm running for, you know what I mean?

You know, sometimes they do that way. Yeah, like a campaign website. Yeah, that's what it is. Let's see. And by the way, we're going to get you out of here. No, it's okay. I think Caitlyn Jenner's hot. Yeah.

I like her as a woman a lot. Yeah, not as a man. Oh, see, look. There it is. Caitlyn for California. Caitlyn needs an honest leader with a clear, California needs, sorry. California needs an honest leader with a clear vision.

Our campaign will be powered by everyday Californians who deserve leadership and accountable to them. So look at this. The donate box 50 is jumping at you. It's saying, pick me. Pick me. Please, please. Don't do five.

Should we donate to her? Don't do 25, do 50. Let's donate to her. I'd give, to give her, to give her, look at that number. Look at how weird this number is. 525, 50, 100, 500, 1,000, 5,000, 10,000, and then 32,400.

Who fucked up on the website? Is that, is that like a number she needs left? That's all we need to pay off this gambling debt. Yeah, yeah. I can't believe Baylor won. This doesn't make any fucking sense. Should we give her, should we give her 25? What do you want to give her?

Let's do make this a monthly reoccurring donation. So make it monthly and just do the 32,400. Yeah, let's do it. All right, so we remember the planets now, just for a recap. What were the planets? Go ahead. Remember.

Remember the acronym. My very erotic, my very erotic mother. Who? No, not who. Oh, okay, guess who? Remember? No, my very erotic mother. Something just suck nice.

Suck nice. And the last P for? Pussy. Yes. Should we have him take a cell? No. Yeah, let's have you because you're a guest of the episode. Okay, so then what's the thing?

Because I know whiskey ginger, you say one thing. We always say thank you for being a bad friend together. But I want you to kind of look in your single and end it the way you want to end it. And then you have to say at the very end of whatever you're going to say, thank you for being a bad friend. Okay, so thank you.

Okay, got it, got it, got it. Okay, I appreciate, Andrew, I appreciate you allowing me the chance to fill in, so I'm going to fill you up. Right after this, Rudy, it was a pleasure to be talked down to by you and also Andres. To be talked down to by you, I will be calling immigration. And I just, and wait, how do we end it again? Thank you for being a bad friend.

Okay, and of course, as always, I'd like to look right in the camera and tell you that QAnon is still accepting members. QAnon is still accepting members. And that's all I have to say. And Bobby Lee, if you don't come back, I'm going to take your job. Yep.

Because your people I've been taking mine, so now we're taking yours. Thank you for being a bad friend. Yeah. I'm a guy, right? Yeah. And I work at like a liquor store in New York. Correct.

Okay. In Harlem. So yeah, I'm logging out. I'm closing the store. It's not a 24-hour place, right? Right. So I'm locking everything up, right? And it shows me like just walking with my backpack

to my little squalor house. I have a really, I live in the basement somewhere. In Chinatown. What? You live in Chinatown. Why does it? Okay, anyway, I'm Chinese. It just feels right.

I'm Chinese. For this movie, you're Chinese. Yes, okay. I'll be Chinese for this. We'll be black in the movie. We'll be right. We're right. We'll be right.

We'll be right there. We'll be right there, yeah. You live in the basement of a Chinese food store. And then it just shows me like a little montage with me like cooking some ramen, right? Putting some ramen in it, right? Rat runs by. Rat runs by, right?

I'm buying a really rickety table, right? Sitting there, I'm slurping on the ramen. I'm watching something on TV, the news or something, right? Rabbity or TV. Right. There's a cut scene where I'm just kind of reading a book on a mat. That's where I sleep.

On the floor? Yeah. I know. So sad, right? And then I plug in my iPhone, whatever. I have a phone, right? Samsung. Samsung.

Okay. Got to be Samsung? All right, Samsung. I plug in my Samsung. Chinatown. Right, right, right, right, right. Does it matter what kind of TV I'm looking at or? Toshiba.

Toshiba? Toshiba. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A tube TV, no less, like an old tube, not a glass screen. So I assume just by your thinking, I'm wearing a kimono. 100%. What else would you be wearing at your house?

So just, all right. Out in public, you have three clothes. All right, kimono, I have a sword. A sword? And your hair is in a bun. Must be. And what's in it? What's holding your hair up?

A chopsticks. Chopsticks, that's correct. Oh, you racist fuck. All right, this is fine. Come on, come on. Let's get back to where we want to be. All right, so I'm, for some reason, for some reason, I'm wearing regular clothes.

You're wearing regular clothes at the liquor store. But when I get home, there's got to be a motosi where I put the kimono on it. I put the chopsticks in my hair. People will love it. People will love it. I have a Samsung, Toshiba. It's a Samsung phone with Toshiba TV, right?

Oh, shit, right? OK, so you're slurping, then you lay on your mat. I lay on my bamboo mat. Your bamboo mat. Yeah, right, and then I wake up on an island. You wake up, you wake up crawling out of sand. Crawling out of sand. Yes, naked, butt naked.

Butt naked, right? How about I still have the chopsticks in my hair? Oh, here you go. Woo, yeah, woo, yeah, woo.