Bad Friends - Fish Butt Dog & White Eyes Bucko

Episode Date: July 15, 2024

NEW MERCH ALERT! Go to https://www.badfriendsmerch.com/ Get MORE Bad Friends at our Patreon!! https://www.patreon.com/badfriends Thank you to our Sponsor Mint Mobile: • Get unlimited premium wireless at https://www.mintmobile.com/badfriends YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com 0:00 Rudy Looses Her Passport 9:30 Bobby Gives Away His Fully Loaded Merch 13:10 Hosting Parties 18:30 Fish Butt 29:20 Mormons Be Soaking 32:30 Rudy Loves Rat Boys Summer 40:00 Nightmare Roommates 57:06 Fancy's Students Pitch Games and Movies More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbylee.live More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Juicy Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jetskijohnson/?hl=en More Fancy SOS VHS: https://www.youtube.com/@SOSVHS Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fancyb.1 More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: 7EQUIS https://www.7equis.com/ Podcast Producer: Andrés Rosende This episode contains paid promotion. #bobbylee #andrewsantino #badfriends #sponsored #ads Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Benefits vary by card, other conditions apply. Hey! We're going to Australia, you are. That is such a good accent. Dan Andermyte! Dan Andermyte! Sydney, Brisbane, Auckland, Melbourne, Adelaide, Perth, and also adding shows. We're adding shows.

We're adding shows. We're adding seats, bigger theaters. Bigger theaters. We want to see you guys, so come buy our tickets. We want to shows. We're adding shows, we're adding seats, bigger theaters. Bigger theaters. We wanna see you guys, so come buy our tickets. We want to see you. Come see us, go to badfriendspod.com, badfriendspod.com, and also at badfriendsmerch.com, we have this beautiful shirt designed by this kid,

yours truly. I love this album, but I always thought that the baby should be me. And it is you now. It is me. Now it's a little baby Bobby. It's a legendary album, and I think you should get this shirt. So go to BadFriendsMerch.com.

BadFriendsMerch.com. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? White dude and Asian dude. You two are disgusting. You two are something. We're bad friends. This is not a play. You know what I mean? This is not like you got to get in the costume. You're or something. We're bad friends. This is not a play.

You know what I mean? This is not like, you gotta get in the costume. You're feeling like- I mean, this is, I'm playing me, Bobby Lee. Yeah, this will go on the show. You know? Here's the thing. You don't wanna wear your own merch because-

Right now I don't, because it's his town. If he said, hey, as an option, I would have done it. Who said that? This guy. But if he was, he forced it like, yo, sew those Nikes back in the sweatshop days. That's what he said. You know what I mean? Like, Kathie Lee Gifford attitude, attitude.

She made those kids sew those Nikes? Yeah, yeah, sew those Nikes. I'm not sewing Nikes for you, white man. Bobby, would you wear your- No, not anymore, it's over now, that's over. You're gonna make money off by selling this shirt. We're gonna sell it out. We're gonna sell it out We're gonna sell it out

You're doing white eyes on me. Yeah, I'll do white eyes all day to you, dude We're gonna sell them out. All right, buddy. All right bucko cuz you love the whites, huh? Okie dokie bucko Your attitude to I come in here dude dude, frown face, negative. You know what I mean? Aggressive, not nice. Projecting. Projecting, exactly. You're projecting it onto me.

No, he's saying you're projecting it. You're projecting onto me your bad energy, dude. What did I do? What did I say? Earlier I was sitting there, you go, what's your vibe about, or something aggressive thing? What did I say? Earlier I was sitting there, you go, what's your vibe about? Or something aggressive thing. What did I say? I forgot.

I didn't like it. Oh, welcome back, Rudy Jules. Rudy Jules. Oh, we love you. My God. It's like family coming home. It's been so long. It's been so long.

And? What have you been up to? Where have you been? I lost my passport and visa. So you came crawling back to Bad Friends. Can someone please get me passport and visa? When does it run out? I don't know, because it got stolen.

So I'm basically illegal. Oh, so we can call somebody right now and get you in trouble. Yeah, call. I'm calling INS. Call Damien. You know and get you in trouble. Yeah, call. I'm calling INS. Call Damien. You know Damien from INS. Yep, INS.

Can you phone them? No, it's gotta be email. That's not efficient. No wonder why I got so many illegals in this country. Hey, forget about it. Forget about it. All right, so who stole your passport? Who do you think stole your passport?

Where did you get it? What? Nothing. Go get it? What? Nothing. Go for it. You blame me? Why would I blame you? Who stole it? Who stole it?

No, I was just gonna say something random. Say something random. How did you lose it? What day did you know it was gone? It was on June 3rd. It says it got delivered by the front door. And then when I arrived at 5 p.m., it arrived at 2 p.m. And so when I arrived at the house,

I just saw the envelope already open. Whose house? At his house? No. Your house. Someone stole it. No, that's not a Filipino passport. He's sacrificing his own. Yeah. Wow, that's not a Filipino passport. He's sacrificing his own.

Yeah. Wow, that's good immigrant, dude. That's good immigrant stuff, dude. So we're gonna, what? Are you, throw it to me, are you showing off? You know how funny that is, that you're? It's close. Wow, dude, does this mean, wait, oh, this is McCone's.

Damn, dude, that's such a bad photo. That is such a stupid photo of you. You know what, I'm gonna be positive. I haven't seen it yet, but I love you, dude. I wanna be positive, I'm gonna be real with you, dude. Check it out. So good. Dude, honestly, how many tries?

No tries? No tries. You said the first take was good. They only give you one try Yeah, yeah Let me say something What Do you know how to smile on command? No, this was no he was like one half. Yeah

I'm a call from miss order I'm a call from Minnesota. I'm an American. How do we get back your passport? I have to apply all over again. I have to apply for my tourist visa, my student visa, and my passport. We're going to try to help you here. Sounds like you need us more than you ever thought. Yeah.

But can I just say something? Yeah, go on. Why is it so unfair that for a Filipino passport you can only go to like certain countries and for a USA Passport you can literally go anywhere USA USA USA That's why bud. That's why bud. That's why we have a good chance. We have a good chance. You can't chant Filipino Filipino it doesn't work, but I want to go work. But I wanna go like. Where do you wanna go?

Like to Europe. No, they don't want you though, that's the problem. They don't want you. They don't want you, baby. We have enough. What? We have enough. We have enough.

What? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow, that seems a little too real. But do they have hospitals in Europe? No. They don't? No. Oh, then they don't want you.

Yep. Hotels and hospitals. Even to go to Japan, I need a visa for Japan. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. The Japanese are weary. Yeah, they're weary of you. And why would they? When you're weary, feeling down,

when tears are in. That's the Japanese, oh, that's not even Japanese lyrics. No, it's not. When you're weary. There it is. When you're weary. That's the Japanese oh, that's not even Japanese Alright, I know the rest very good. Thank you so much. What have you been up to you nerd? Are you still dating that guy? Yeah, yes And we fucked already. Jesus. Whoa dude that's an easy way to say it.

But why did you buy another? Oh god. What are you talking about lady? Well I was cleaning you bought three more. Jerk machines? Wow. Why? Like I, I'll tell you why and you know I've I've been at, okay, so check this out, okay?

Western bagel. Just listen to what I'm saying. Listen to my logic here. I know that I- They sell sex toys? No, no, they don't. Just listen to my logic, okay? Western bagel.

Noah's Bagels, right? There's a bunch of bagels places I go every day. Different varieties. Every day, different, right? Because I like a change and I like different companies that make certain things. So my point is that you don't watch just one movie, right? Like if I watched A Quiet Place, day one,

a thousand times, I'd be bored, you know what I mean? That's a day a thousand for me, right? This makes sense. It makes complete sense, right? So I, okay, what I'm saying is, I like a variety of things. And I'm gonna tell you this too. I found the brand that I'm gonna stick with.

I found my Diet Coke. I found my Diet Coke. Wow. Yeah, yeah, so clap for that. And that was the reason why I know the brand and I found the thing is because I tried all the other ones. Right. And I compared, correct?

Kind of like you, kind of like you. Yeah, yeah. You tried girls and guys and you found what you liked. Now his is Machines, he likes X Machine. I love Machines. He's a big machinist. Lola. That's what her name is?

I named her, yeah. Lola. And I kiss, I quash it first and then I kiss it. I go, good night Lola. Good night. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Does it respond? But I...

So Lola, you're, what are you now? What are you done with school? No, I'm already a senior in college. Oh, that's great. My God. And I graduate next year. Amazing. Oh my God, dude, that's so weird on this show,

the course of this show, you went through college. I was in high school when I started. You were a senior in high school here when you started. Yeah, incredible. And now look at you. Now you're old and haggard. You do look older. You do look older. What do you mean?

Yeah, you do. You look haggard. Yeah. How? I first saw you, I thought it was Kaila. Well. I go, Kaila, what are you, and then I go, oh, Rudy, I'm not kidding you. That's a compliment. Well, okay.

The pen-son who yes. Yeah, okay. It depends on who yes. Yeah, so anyway you do look older and your face, I can tell. Stop, you're gonna say I got fat. No. You're never gonna get fat. No, yes you will. I know.

Yeah. I know, yeah. But I can tell now the evolution of your face and it's gonna get scrunchier and scrunchier and it's gonna be like a fucking box. Like yours. Yes. I have a scrunchy face.

Okay. That hurt so bad. But I wanna be so nice to her because I wanted her to come back. So you're right, I have a scrunchy face, okay? I have to ask you something. You have a girl that cleans your house that isn't this girl. Hold up, hold up.

What are you doing? I repositioned. Yeah. You have a girl that cleans your house. It's not this girl. And somebody cleans your house and you gave her a bunch of merch from the F loaded tour?

How do I know this? How do you know this? Do you know how insane this is? Yeah, how do you know this? Dude, this is such like this. The world is so small. Oh my God. So my cousin, who you know, his friend is staying with someone who cleans your house.

This is not. That's not what happened. He sent me a text. That's not what happened. He sent me a text and he goes, Bobby gave away all his fully loaded merch and her bed was a display of Osos Poros. That's not what happened. Yes, it is. I'm going to tell you how that happened. How did it happen?

Okay. Number one, when you get a gift bag, you don't want all of it. So I puck. Start over. When you get a gift bag, right? You don't want all of it. So I puck Start over Right, you know Okay, I picked up I picked the ones I wanted and you gave the rest of there's two things I wanted All right, the you know in the the Apple ear headphones great great great a little button

I like it. Right. There was a neck thing where it blows air into your neck love you have one of those. Yeah There was a neck thing where it blows air into your neck love you have one of those yeah They're the best. They're the best. Okay, and then the rest I was like, I don't need it So you gave it to that's not what happened. So I Called Jenna. She's my emergency Right, so she's my number one But lately she doesn't want to clean my house anymore. You know, it, no, no, no. It's you and you know it. No, I keep, I ask. Let's go past it.

All right, it's you and you know it, and let's go past it, okay? But I love you like a family, okay? But I can tell you don't want to do it as often, and it's fine. So I've had to resort to other things. I have Hispanics, right? So that's my number one, it's a two.

Good. My number three is Jenna. She sounds white. But she's not, right so that's my number one it's a two good my number three is Jenna she sounds white but she's not right she's not Mexican thank you kept in the Hispanic family then exactly so why'd you exclude her from his family because there's two different kinds right right and she goes I can't do it but because I'm seeing somebody yeah and, she keeps saying how nasty my house is. Okay. Because of Ming.

Oh. You know. Yeah. P's on everything. Right. Right? And Jenna goes, I can't do it. So then she goes, I have a friend, you remember?

Bloop, bloop. And I go, I don't know. Well, bloop, bloop is available. I go, who's bloop, bloop? And she's like, well, she's trustworthy. She comes over. Now, I had gotten the box from the broke person thing. And I had, you know, when you get a box, you don't fold things, you do this.

Yeah, dig through it. You dig through it. And I throw the thing, all right, I'm digging through it, right? Oh, your fault. Dig, you know, dig, dig. So it was like an ID went off in there. She comes over and I go, you gotta you know, dick, dick. So it was like an IED went off in there. She comes over and I go, you gotta organize.

She goes, oh. And I go, but you know what, just throw it away. She goes, well, I can take it. I go, you want this stuff? Great stuff, by the way, great company. Esos, Esos, yeah. Osos, whatever. Porosos, right?

Great company and great tour and great people. I'm just not gonna wear it because, you know, I mean, hey, I don't wanna promote liquor, right? Mm-hmm. Right? Smart. Very smart. Let her promote it.

So she goes, she took it all. Yeah. And that's the last I thought I would ever hear from it until now. It's amazing. How the world goes around. Isn't that crazy how small the world is? It's crazy.

The other day, you know what I ran into? Your family. Yeah, you did. I'm at a coffee shop, right? And then I hear, hey! I look over, it's your family member, yours. My sister. Yeah, I don't wanna.

You can say my sister. Your sister. I have a sister. And her hunky. I'm ooh la la hunk hunk hunk. Be honest, hunk machine. He's a sharp little kid. Just like the Northman.

Right. You just stand there with a fuckin' Alfred coffee. Right, hey. Hey. I go, you know, when I'm around guys like that, I do a half hug. Yeah, you do. Right, and I put my hand against their chest.

And they go, hey! Right, just to have the leverage. Yeah. Unless they get, so they get aggressive. Right, just to have the leverage. Yeah. Unless they get, so they get aggressive. Right, just in case. Just in case. You see my mom and my dad? I saw your mom, I saw your wife's parents too.

Mm-hmm. And it was like, I ran to them. Did they tell you? Yeah. I ran to them as if they were my own family. That's very sweet. Hugs. You did give a lot of hugs, I heard.

I hugged everyone, okay? People were shocked to see you in public. My mom was like, Bobby goes outside? That's literally what my mom said. Does Bobby go outside often? I know, because when you're dating people, they wanna go outside. You have to go outside.

But you- They're like, I don't wanna go outside. Right. And they're like, well Then I'm gonna see somebody else So I'll go to the beach or whatever it might be I've been doing all kinds of weird shit. You're outside I went to Universal did the wind machine What because of her you went to the you went to Universal Studios. I took a class and everything I was sitting in a class taking notes about like what to do what not to do like you're not ready to do the flips and

The rolls remember you put your hands out like this. We feel the air You're me and then all the symbols of like I mean the hand gestures will fly. Yeah, I flew But my point is is that you went at beautiful city the mall you got suspended in a vacuum machine Go ahead machine it's not a you didn't fly go ahead yeah you starting it yeah guy I'm gonna tell you this right now dude and I before there were jokes before there were jokes okay this is not a joke okay I will not do your movie this is not a joke this is not a thing in In fact, anyone listening right now, when you watch his zombie movie,

you will not see me in it because of what he just said just now. That's right. All right? I will not. I refuse to. You fly beautifully. No, no, you can't.

You can't. You can't. It's over. Anyway, I did fly. I'm a flying machine. You saw my family. You got coffee. it was nice. It was really nice, really nice to see.

Everyone is in my house for 4th of July. It was a little overwhelming, I'm not gonna lie. We have a lot of family, yeah. Having everybody over at your place is tough. It's like, and everybody wants something. Everybody wants something. And you don't wanna, you just. What do they want?

Give me the three things they want. I'll be the guy. Food. I'm your assistant. Okay, food, we'll get food. I don't have an assistant. Let's just say I'm food Call me um Joe Just Jiminy Hey, Jiminy Boss boss hey boss

Hey, Jiminy. Hi boss. What I have my notepad. Why is your shirt still on? Oh, sorry, boss. You know I want your shirt off when you walk around the house, bud. I know, but the marshmallows, the marshmallows you told me to put on my body, right? I mean, you already licked them off, so I just thought I could.

I asked you to get new ones. Why do you think I want you to go to the grocery store? You're supposed to put marshmallows all over your body every day. I'll be right back, boss. Thank you. Oh, look at my little Stay Puft marshmallow man. Hey, boss. Thank you. Oh, look at my little stay puff marshmallow man. Hey boss.

I got a note back. What's your family need here? Food. Food. Food. F-O-O-D, food. Good. Yes.

Alcohol, lots of alcohol. A? Yeah, that one you can't spell, can you? But, but, but, but, but. Good, yeah, that's good. I know what that means, the A. Yeah. Yeah, that one you can't spell, can you? But, but, but, but, but. Good, yeah, that's good. I know what that means, the A. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

And then C, B, C, three. Sunscreen. Sunscreen, oh, because the white albinos. Albinos. The albino, okay, I'll be right back, boss. Thank you, Jimmy. That's not a lot, doesn't seem like a lot. No, that's not, it's just that everybody,

you know, you gotta host, you have to be a host being a host is hard You'll never host at your house. I've hosted Have I not hosted Christmas at the Kaila hosted boom You didn't do shit Hosted you tried to help that's hosting how what did he do? like Be honest be real for once. Your energy?

Dude, that's, you know, look up hosting, dude. No, don't, I was just kidding, right? But I assume that hosting energy has a lot to do with it. You need 60% energy. 60%? When you're hosting. No. How many percentage?

I have zero energy, because you're doing for others the whole time. Oh, I save my energy for the host and that's why I don't leave the house. That's right. Every year I'll help the host, I just save it. You help the host. But now you have to be the host

because you're home alone. I do host, I do host. You're home alone, kid. Fuck hosting then, you're right. Anyway, are they gone now? Yeah. Everybody's gone and it's so quiet and nice, but I had to remove a couch cushion last night because my dog had anal secretions all over the couch cushions Oh our dogs do that. I hate it so much fish, but fish, but it stinks. It's the worst why dude

Why a new couch why what she she she's only done it when she's like in her little bed or something But for some reason she jumped on the brand new couch, the fireworks are going off for the 4th of July, and she was. Because she was scared. I know, but be scared in the bed, secrete on the bed. Now it's all over the couch. So what'd you do with it? I got fish butt couch, I set it on fire.

No you didn't. I burnt my house down. Because of Ming and the pee, I'm fingering, I wanna know what I have to do Okay So I had to call the manufacturing company that made our couch that we just bought it from and they have a special solution that I have to use to clean it you can just spray it No, you can't that shit is in the fucking it's in the car

It eventually dries out in terms of the flakes little fish flakes But doesn't it? That's just, okay. No, it's in there, you gotta. I just spray, yeah, I think that's the right thing. Yeah. I don't even wipe, I just spray. And that's why people are coming over saying,

this is gross. It's pretty gross, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you need to clean this up. But isn't, I wanna ask, I'm being real, I haven't Googled it yet, isn't there someone that comes over with equipment and just fucking cleans your couch? Yeah, but that's like a big deal.

That's like a whole couch clean, that's like you talking about when they, when they, when they, Yeah, I went down. Someone did that to your other couch, Tito Bobby. Don't you remember? Yeah, Stanley steamer. You got a Stanley steamer over there.

But let me tell you something. Yeah. I got a, I just, I'm learning about, you know, that's called expressing the anal glands of your dog. You have to express the glands when they clean them. Did you do it on your own? I did. Like you went in?

I was in an exp, I learned how to express online. Wow. What do you have to do? Well, wait, what is that? Is that it? Yeah. Wait a minute, go back. That's it? Yeah. Zoom in.

Did you do that? Because if you're not doing that, you're not doing it. Wait a minute, go back. That's it? Zoom in. Did you do that? Cause if you're not doing that, you're not doing it. Well, see I- Oh, you use your penis? You don't use your penis. Wait, wait, wait, seriously, is that really it? Yeah, that's it.

Because it said on this one thing that I read that if you just put your lips up to it, you can just go, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. Oh yeah, that, yeah. Yeah, they. Look at what a dog's face looked like when you have to open up its tush. Look at how embarrassed that guy is.

I know. Look at how embarrassed that poor guy is. Yeah, well they wear pants, guy. Yeah, it's not our fault you're naked, dude. I know, you know, guy. Yeah, I learned how to express the anal glands. It sucks. Let me see, if you were expressing my anal glands,

I wanna see my look. Yeah, look at what your face would be. Look. Same look, side by side. What do you think? I do, yeah, it does suck. So you did it on your own? Yeah, we fish butt, we got that fish butt gown.

You have to. We tried it with our dog, but it was too hard. It is hard, but the woman who does her grooming, she's gonna come and she said she's gonna do it end of this week. But is it because of stress? Why did they do it? Dogs have it for all sorts of reasons.

Some people at home, send in your suggestions of why your dog has fish butt. Some dogs, because they're stressed, some dogs get it because they're old. Some dogs aren't expressed enough. Dude, what if fish get dog butt? Oh! I thought, right?

What if fish get dog butt when they're stressed out? Yeah, they might. Interesting. They really might in the ocean. In the ocean, yeah. But we can't get there to smell it. Mint Mobile! Oh my god, you know when you discover a new binge-worthy show or a song that you bump

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at mintmobile.com slash bad friends. $45 upfront payment required equivalent to $15 a month. New customers on first three month plan only. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for details. No, they don't. Have you ever seen a chicken's butt?

Wait, what, a chicken's butt? Yeah a chicken's butt yeah what it does the mouth look it does not what do you mean let's got lips whoa what is that no not that just a tiny one is that a sack what is that what is that a hermaphrodite yes yeah don't go to a regular one do not a fucking swollen one that's the chickens but that's it What's wrong with that?

Yeah, what's wrong with that butt? Looks like a butt. No, I'm just saying in the Philippines we would like- Oh Filipino chickens. Here we go. Here we go What happened to the Philippines with chickens butts? Because we had chickens and then like my uncle would like show us like oh look at this and then he would grab the chicken and he would like On the butt and then blow on its butthole? Yeah, and then the lips would, and then the butt would be like lips, like. I know, can I just say theoretically though? I think all buttholes when somebody's blowing does that.

Well, come here, let me try. No, no, we've done that before. All right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But- He's like, look at, let me try. No, no, we've done that before. All right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, uh. Look at the chicken's butt. Pfft. But who was the first Filipino dude to do that? And this has got to be going on for centuries. Yeah, yeah.

Some guy had to try it the first time. Look at this. This is a Filipino girl. This is what happens when you blow on a chicken's butt. Let's see it. Let's see. So, OK, I want to. Do all the people like, Okay, that's the...

No, you gotta rewind it! Yeah, we wanna see it. What's the blow? What's the style? Okay, here we go. Alright. Okay, that's the... See? It's doing it!

Okay, so you have to blow on it. Watch, okay? No, don't zoom out! Come here! It's doing it now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I see it Okay It did an extra thing Whoa, dude, that's incredible. That's like a popular thing Instead of fucking Xbox you guys have that? In the Philippines? And you're wondering why you need a passport to go to Europe. This is why. That's what you guys do, huh?

Why can't I get into Japan and Europe? Because you guys blow in chickens' assholes. You lunatics. That's insane to do that. That's a fun game? It was. Until now. That's interesting. I wonder why the chicken does that, their butthole. Yeah. Well, it's ready for something. I know. I wonder what happened if I put my

penis in there. Look, he's kissing me. Blowing kisses. But also, can I just say something? What a large butthole for a bird? Well, it got big. Oh, yeah, yeah. It got big. It stays tight, but it gets big. What have you been doing? guess. It stays tight but it gets big. Oh. What have you been doing? Have you been blown in buttholes? Nothing, just work. Where are you working now? Still at school.

You're working at that school? Yeah. I thought you quit that job. I'm still doing it. Can I just say something? Wow. You work hard at work, right? I'm the best.

You're the best, right? Yeah. It's such an easy job? I'm the best. You're the best, right? It's such an easy job and I'm getting paid for it. Oh, so mine's arduous and rough. Yeah, it's like 10 times worse. Why? Because you have to move, you have to clean shit, you have to do everything.

Yeah, that sounds worse. That's fair, that's fair. Now is it also that you like that school job? What is it now? It's at the bookstore? No. Administration office it also that you like that school job? What is it though? It's at the bookstore? No. Administration office. Yeah.

You like it, I bet. It's just so easy. It's just like- You don't do anything. Not do anything. How many do you get recognized? A lot? No, but it's like the chairs of like departments.

And then- They watch Bad Friends. Yeah. They know about Bad Friends. And then they're like old people and they're like, oh yeah, they're not old old I want to be 50 yeah, like the Bobby's not old Look at me dude. 80 is well, don't do that. Yeah. Shake your tits. Yeah, that's a yeah Yeah, but they they know the podcast

Well, that's good. And do you get do you blush or you like do you step into the role? I blush Oh, you do and I just like try to hide What color are you when you blush? I'm still yellow and brown Just more yellowy brown. Yeah. Yeah Whatever enjoyed about you over the years that you've gotten more confident, though, in every area of your life. Cocky even. Yeah, yeah.

Even a little cocky. Because you used to be like so timid. Like we talked about the one time you sang that song at Christmas and you cried. Yeah. I don't think you would cry now. I don't think so. Yeah, yeah. But it took a while. Like I was so scared of you.

You came out of your shell. Yeah, yeah. You were scared of him for a long time. Why? I'm just a little guy. Because you have so much energy. I do. It's like overpowering.

Very overpowering energy, I get it. Well, when you sleep for 15 hours, you store up a lot of energy. Yeah. He's like a Pokemon. He's just waiting to explode. Anyway. You have no summer plans.

You're gonna work all summer. Let's give you a gift to go somewhere. Where? Where do you wanna go? Where do you wanna go? Can you just pay for my surfing classes? Or when they import you back to the Philippines, learn there.

That's also true. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, when they kick you out of this great country. I don't wanna go back. Let me tell you something, buddy. Donald Trump's gonna get in and kick you right back to where you belong, pal. He's gonna win. Really?

There's no doubt. There's no doubt now. No doubt. Joe Biden lost a tooth in the last, he just had a tooth fell. I got a red scab, a red scab, a red scab. Falls out of his head. Yeah, yeah, it's incredible crazy. Can I ask you guys something? Yeah, not politics, but anything else. Oh, yeah, what have you guys heard of soaking? I?

Keep seeing it on tik-tok all right. Are you soaking? No, do you know what it is? Yeah. Why are you asking about it? Do you not know what it is? I kinda know what it is, but I'm asking you guys cause you guys are older. We're OGs, we know what soaking is, dude. Oh. I invented soaking.

That's Mr. Soaking. I get so tired I can't pump anymore. So I go, let's just soak for a while. That's Mr. Soaking. I'm soaked dog, dude. 2020, dude. Soaked dog. Soaker. I'm Soak Dog, dude. Yeah. 2020, dude. Soak Dog. So you have someone to... Have you ever soaked?

Wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait, let me stop, stop, stop. What do you think soaking is? Because you- Oh, she's right. She's talking about a bouncer. What? You're talking about a bouncer. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, a bouncer. Bouncer. Yeah. Oh, I... Let me check your ID. Wait, I thought soaking was something else. No, you do know what soaking is, but when you put it in, you let it soak. You need someone on the underside of the bed to push up.

Someone's gotta be the bouncer. Oh, I see, I see. Someone's gotta raise the roof. I see, I see. Right? The Mormons do this. And Brad Williams. My legs won't touch the ground.

Anyway, so what is, so. Why, are you doing this? No, I just see it so much on TikTok. But what do they show on TikTok? What do you mean? Like, they go to like a Mormon like school. And then they ask like these college students like, oh, do you know what's soaking?

Oh, do you know what's soaking? So what is soaking on TikTok? It's when a couple, they don't have sex. They just do that, like on the position on the bed, the girl is doggy. The guy is standing and they're close. And then there's another person who's doing the bouncing. Or like moving. That's not soaking.

No, soaking is when you put it in, but you don't move. It goes in and doesn't move. Look it up on fucking, what do you call it? Yeah, yeah. What? Soaking's where you put it in and you don't move. That's what I think soaking is, right? But I just learned it this week. Yeah, but that's not, you're learning it wrong.

Stop getting your information from TikTok and YouTube, man. All right, we'll tell you the truth. On YouTube. Yeah. I looked it up on Pornhub. All right, let's not talk about that. Well, can we? Yeah, no, stop, no, stop.

All right. Anyway, anyway. We're not gonna show it. Anyway. Yeah, um. Soak dog. You're wild, dude. You're wild right now.

What's your fucking problem? Here, sexual practice on Wikipedia. Yeah, I like edging. My favorite. I edge and I soak. Sexual practice of inserting the penis in the vagina but not subsequently thrusting or ejaculating. Reportedly by using some members of the Church of Jesus Christ Latter-day Saints, LDS, Mormons. It's not common but obviously it's enough

to be on Wikipedia so clearly. Wait, wait, wait, wait, the Mormons support it then? No, they just all do it. And they just stick it in and then they just carry it? I mean what do they say to each other? We be soaking. Oh. Joseph Smith was a We be soaking. Oh. Joseph Smith was a known soaker.

Oh really? I think when he found the tablets he was soaking. Oh really, he was soaking then? He was soaking back then. Whoa. He been soaking. Yeah, yeah. My dog been soaking.

Yeah. Anyway, what? That's what I've learned. Are there other things you've learned? You know what I soak? Pans after I've used them. That's what I soak, okay pal? You per you've learned? You know what I soak? Pans after I've used them. That's what I soak, okay pal? You perv.

I soak a pan after I cook in it. Yeah. Okay. Perv. Perv. Say it again, Bob. Perv. What else are you even learning?

I've learned on TikTok about rat boy summer. Rap boy summer. Rat, like- Rat boy summer. Yeah. What's a rat boy summer? It's like car. It's like Carlos's face like Okay, now we're getting Like that's like that's like Carlos. Yeah, you do kind of look like a rat Carlos

And that's like trending right now like white boys that look like And they're like really attractive to girls. So who's a good rat? Timothy Chalamet? Those guys from Challengers. I mean, the guy in the back legitimately looks like a rat. Yeah. But he's so hot.

Let me guess who a rap boy would. Lil' Messy. Rap boy? No. Not a rap boy. OK, I'm just throwing it out there. He's too old. He's a mouse. He, not a rap. Okay. I'm just throwing it out there. It's too old He's a mouse. He's a mouse. Very good

Is pete davidson a rat boy summer? Yeah, he's rat boy. Why? Why him it has to be like their bone structure is like Like they're so skinny and just that kid. What's that kid? Barry Kiyogan Oh, he's a rat boy summer. Yeah Yeah,'s a rat boy. He's a rat boy summer. Yeah, rat boy summer. You're not a rat boy summer. We're fucking old. We're rat men.

We're splinter. You're splinter. Oh, I'm a splinter summer. You're a splinter. I'm a splinter summer. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. These guys are rat boys.

I see. But they're so handsome. No, that Barry Keegan guy looks ratty too. Yeah, I see it now. All these guys are rats. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, that's a rat for sure. So it used to be white boy summer, now it looks ratty too. Yeah, I see it now. All these guys are rats. Yeah. Wow, yeah, that's a rat for sure. So it used to be white boy summer,

now it's rat boy summer. Rat boy summer. That's trending. But you don't like white boys anyway. But that's the thing. Oh shit, are you starting to like white dudes? Yeah, they're rat boys. Wow.

I'm waiting for the panda summer. Because at panda summer, then I'm gonna be in. And I'll be the red panda summer. I'll be in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right after you. Yeah, why can't there be an animal that I resemble that's going to have a summer? Yeah, why can't you guys have an orangutan summer for me?

I'm just throwing poop at girls. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is a hot trend for you now. Yeah, that's on TikTok. Your whole life seems to be revolving around TikTok now. I TikTok like almost every day. How many hours? Go to your usage or whatever and see how many TikTok now. I TikTok like almost every day. How many hours? Go to your usage or whatever

and see how many hours you're on TikTok on average a day. Does your generation go to the movies? Yeah, me and my boyfriend go. So what have you seen with your boyfriend? The Studio Ghibli one, Boy and the Heron. Oh my goodness. It's like a re. Yeah, but still she went and saw it. That's something to do.

Um, inside out. How cute was that? You saw it? No, I wanna go see it. It looks so cute. I like the first one. They're all great. Everything they make is at Pixar? They don't miss. They don't miss. What's your favorite one? What do you mean they don't fucking... What are you shaking your head at? There are a couple misses.

Give me a miss. There are nowhere... Cars 2. They're nowhere near as consistent as they once were the car is so new the good dinosaur miss they made two of them Wow, I know you're a sucker. I don't even said the I saw cars the original. I didn't see the first It was so cute. Yeah, oh geez good. Yeah, what's your favorite one? I know mine of all time a bit Pixar I mean bring up the Pixar movie so I don't, cause sometimes I'm confusing Pixar with what's the other one. The DreamWorks?

DreamWorks, cause they do the same fucking shit. All right, so for me, I think, me, I'm not gonna look at the list. My number one, WALL-E. Yeah, I know my number one for sure. And my number two is probably The First Incredibles. Yes. Insane.

You didn't like them? No, I did, but I'm just saying, Toy Story is the goat of all goats. It's the greatest fucking story ever told. That's a good one. Okay, and Finding Nemo? Home run. Oh, yeah.

Okay, here's a miss, you're right. Lightyear? Stinks. Monsters, Yune? Amazing. Okay. There's a lot of bangers, although I'm not a Ratatouille fan, but a lot of them. Which one's the one with the fish that's like, where am I? That's all of them.

That's every movie. No, there was one where Ellen was... Finding Dory. Finding Dory. Finding Dory. That's the one, right? That's all of them. That's every movie. No, there was one where Ellen was. Finding Dory, finding Dory. Finding Dory. That's one, right? Where am I? That's a follow-up. Okay.

That wasn't as good. I like that one. Nemo. Okay. Luca. Luca's good. That was a Spanish one, right? Italian.

Same, same. Close. Up! Oh, loved. I mean, the up. We talk about it. Yeah, I'm on top. It's too good. It's too good. It's the best oh, loved. I mean, the up- We talk about it. Yeah, I'm on top. It's too good.

It's too good. It's the best of all time. The cryo part. Coco is great. And you know what? Even though she's red, I know no one like Brave. I get it. Yeah, that's the junk one.

Well, it's proof that red people can't lead a film. They can't. No, I know, I'm looking right at it. Yeah. Neither can, there's no Korean leads on there either, bud. Yeah, there is, man. Which Korean film did they make? The fat guy from Up, he's not a lead.

The fat guy from Up? The kid. He's Filipino. He's Filipino. Okay, bring up the fat kid from Up. He's not Filipino. That's Korean. He's not Korean. Yeah, he's Korean.

No, he's not. Look at, look at. He's, first of all, if anything, that's- Do you have any kimchi? Look at that face. That's fancy. He's first of all, if anything that's- Do you have any kimchi? Look at that face. That's fancy. He's Spanish for sure. There's no doubt.

You think he's Spanish? For sure. 100%. You don't have one then, huh? You have Mulan. We have the whole movie, Mulan. That's not Korean. I know, but it's Asian.

No, you gotta have Korean. Koreans can't lead. Redheads and Koreans can't lead. That's why we're doing this fucking podcast for so long. You're right, you're right. We're stuck. Wait, what is this? Turning red? Turning red and then there's that short film.

Turning red, what do they drink, a beer? What is that about? She turns into a... A furry monster. Again, that's me and you. Yeah, I never saw that. Did you see that? That's you and me, dude. That's literally our movie. I'm gonna make artwork with that. That is 100% us.

Why haven't we made that artwork yet? Somebody online make that. That couldn't be obviously more us. That's insane. That's us, that's bad friends. I should know. That's real good. All right, so I will give you surf lessons for the summer.

That's fine. McCone has to go out there and film it and surf with you, though, because I want to see it. I don't want to pay for something and not be able to see it. I want to know that you're out there doing it and you're trying. Oh, so Macon is going to surf with me?

No, he's just going to film you surfing, because I want to see the progress. I want to know you're doing it. And I'm not going to fucking go to the beach. OK. I can't go to the beach. Can Macon come with me and surf? No, he can't film and the beach can McCone come with me and surf no he can't film and surf You like McCone good guy right yeah, yeah

That didn't sound good. Yeah, I like him. He is nice. He'll come he'll go out there. He can't surf no He can't swim McCone. I can swim dude. You should see he's such a bad swimmer. He looks so dumb when he swims Yeah, he flails his arm We don't have oceans. Yeah, have you been watching the worst roommate on the second season? No, why I just not interested What do you mean? I just it doesn't appeal to me roommates. Yeah Would you what don't you like about roommates? I don't have any you've never had roommates in your life Yeah, I want to try having room when I stopped having them. You've never had roommates in your life? Yeah. I want to try having roommates. When I stopped having them. You have a roommate?

No, like my age, and then fight with them and just go crazy. I want to try that. OK. Or like if you don't, it'll drive you crazy. You should get someone your own age. You should live with someone your own age. Because my friends, they had roommates, and it's always like chaos.

Yeah, because there's always money. Kamau Cohn's got roommates. How many roommates do you have? I have three other roommates. And you hate them? I'm tired of living with other people. I know. I get it.

Are you making enough money now that you don't have to live with other people? I actually just got the keys to a one bedroom. Are you serious? So we got you a one bedroom. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, that would be the nice thing to say. I had a roommate, Calisto Hernandez.

Calilo's full name was Calisto. No, no, no. Calisto Hernandez, him and I lived in Silver Lake together, right, and he was this kind of guy. Now, back then, I wasn't on Mad, I was a struggling open mic comic. What year is this, 90? 97.

Six, 97? Yeah, you're not gonna find him online. So, Calisto Hernandez, we would walk into a bar and women, this is how handsome he was, women would just walk up to him and just make out with him without even introducing him. Was he an actor or something? No, he was just like this Hispanic guy

that was very handsome back then. Where did you find him? I met him in San Diego back in the day. Doing? He was an actor, we were kids, we played chess. So he was an handsome back then. Where did you find him? I met him in San Diego back in the day. Doing? He was an actor, we were kids, we played chess. So he was an actor. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah.

I'm pretty sure. How do? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, he's one of those, okay, he's one of those guys where I always told him, I go, he's good at everything, but not great. So he was in a band, he was an actor, he one day was like, I'm doing oil painting.

You know what I mean? He was like one of those guys. He's a jack of all trades, master of none. Master of, yeah, that's jack of all trades. Master of none. But I used to tell him, I go, dude, just focus on acting. You're a good looking, you're a good actor. Yeah.

So I'm gonna play in Balboa was good. You know what I mean? But he would, what? No, he wasn't. Yes, he was. No, he wasn't. I mean, as a kid, I remember buying tickets and we're going to the Balboa Theater in San Diego

and watching him do this Hispanic play and he walked out and he had a bunch of Hispanic lines I was like, oh that's pretty good, Magusta Magusta Magusta Magusta He came out and I was like, oh he has a future Boss, boss, they're playing, they're playing and then we move up here and he just was focused on too many women.

So he was hooking up with too many chicks. He had no, I could, I've never seen anyone with no money, dirty, right, but get so many, I got, I got nothing! So I get on Matt TV, right, So I move out. And then he goes, hey dude, my dream is to open up a skate store. He goes, can I have money? I go, you know what? I'm gonna help you with your dream.

I give him 10 grand, right? And then I walk into the skate store six months later and I pick up a shirt and I go, hey dude, I want this shirt. He goes, okay dude, that's 39.95, whatever. SkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateSkateS That is, that's hilarious. Would that make you mad? Yeah. So I go, all right, here's $39.95, right? So here's what really made me mad. The shop closes. And my brother was working there at the shop. It closes. Then a year later, he found his dad

on like ancestry.com or something. He was adopted in Mexico. His dad was super rich. And then like a year after that, his dad just died. His, you know, and left Kalisto with hundreds of thousands of dollars, right? Where's your 10 grand? Then three years after that, I run into him.

I go, dude, I heard you got the money. Yeah, I drank through it. He's alcohol. He had nothing. Oh man. And I just was like, yeah, fuck you, dude. I love him. I love Kal And I just was like, yeah, fuck you, dude. I love him. I love Kalista.

I had a roommate. Yeah, so then there we go. I had a roommate who swore, like lived and died by the book, The Game from Neil Strauss. Do you know who that, do you know what that is? I know. You remember that book? Dude, I met Neil Strauss.

Huh? George is like that. George read that book? He looks like a guy that read that book He was obsessed with it. So dude that validates everything. I thought about George you do I read that book I read the book right not one girl And then I did a rate I did man cow in Chicago Yeah, Neil was on the show with me and I looked him in the eyes. I go you fucking garbage

But some people it worked for George for people that don't work for George either no No He failed I sound failed so many times for people that don't know Neil Strauss wrote this book called the game and it was basically A way that of negging. It's the secret to negging. Yeah, really? It's like yeah Yeah, pretending you don't care kind of insulting girls. It's nagging them So one of the things in it is you know me if you see a group of girls at a bar and the one you like Right don't pay attention to her right all right be nice to the other three right and then kind of rip her apart a little bit Yeah, you're right that hairstyles 80s, huh? And then go back to the girls right right supposedly that's gonna get their juices were flowing it doesn't work

They spit in your face. Well the key I had a girl spit in my face. The key is to be good-looking yeah Fuck him up no no don't leave Just beat his ass How many fucking slams are you gonna do this fucking episode? How many slams? It wasn't about you. It wasn't about you. I'm tired and it's late. So many slams dude. That's a lot of slams. That's a lot of slams dude. I'm saying if Brad Peat is doing it, it works.

You're the slam king today. This roommate, I've told you about this guy. So he read the game, he was incessant about the game. Very interesting dude. He owned vending machines. Lucret of no lucret? Go ahead. I've told you about this guy. So he read the game, he was incessant about the game. A very interesting dude. He owned vending machines. Lucrative, no lucrative? Yeah, dude.

But the back of his station wagon would have boxes of chocolate and potato chips in it. And in the summer, the chocolate would melt in his trunk. It was fucking insane, dude. And he would just have cases of shit. So he bought these vending machines with other guys, and he would go around and he'd forget to fill them up. And then he had a guy that came and stayed with us for a while, one of his closest friends.

And he won a Toyota Matrix in a gambling, in a Texas Hold'em competition. And then the kick it, the best part was one time I came home this kid was maniac We had shitty old carpet this this was a dog shit apartment in Culver City Mmm, and we had carpet and one time I came home in half of the living room carpet was ripped up all the nails were Like ripped out of the floor. Mmm, and I was like, what are you doing? He's like, there's hardwood floor under here, man Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you have to fucking fix it. He's like no, man. And he was like, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you have to fucking fix it. And he's like, no way, man. I'm gonna get this, that landlord, that woman,

I'm gonna get, what was her name, Nottie, I'm gonna get her to fucking do the floors. I was like, no, you're not, dude, you idiot. Now they're gonna charge us for this shit, and I'm not paying for this shit. So he goes, fine. So he ripped all the carpet off, and then he redid the wood floors.

He had them pay him. Did they look good? They looked real good. Oh, was it? Yeah, good. I mean, for how shitty the place was. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was such a weird animal. I came home one night late after being out.

What if you saw like a Riddler's Nappa? No. Yeah, well, I would follow it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. One night I came home after doing shows, and I smelled something really, like I smelled gas in the house. I was like, man, something smells weird.

It's like it's gas. I go into the kitchen. We had an old 1930s, those old big stove tops. The burners were on, two of the burners, super high, burning like, you could hear it hissing. I go to turn it off and I'm like, yo, yo, is anybody cooking? I go in his room. He's almost naked

He's almost butt naked reading a book with candles all around him And I go dude you left the fuck and he's like oh, sorry man. I lit candles Yeah, this is the guy I live with for fucking two years Okay, when I live with when I live with Kalisto my brother calls me from ASU and my brother goes dude I'm moving to LA right I go no No, you're not I'm coming My brother ends up at my house is I go where you gonna live he goes with you So he built this Cambodian like hut in my closet

He got bamboo from somewhere. He built like a little thing your brother turned into alien Yeah, and my brother would just sleep for years on this like bamboo hut thing that he built in the ground in your closet, in my closet. Like, so I'm laying in bed. I didn't have a bed frame. It was just a mattress on the floor. Yeah. You know what I mean? And I could see my brother's like head sticking out of the closet at night. Right. But then I had this I had a girlfriend. Her name is Amy Asakove.

I can start talking about it, she was the one I was seeing. And she lived with me for a couple of months. And it was the worst. And your brother. Yeah, my brother, right? Because me and Amy would start making out, and my brother would go, I can hear you. Nightmare, nightmare.

And this went on for years. And also then you're like, you're also hitting open mics. Yeah. And you're going, you know, it gets to a point where it's like, I can't do this for another year or I'm gonna, I'm gonna have to quit. Or I don't know what I'm gonna do. Yeah. It just got to that point.

And some of us go, we do everything we can to get out. I think that's what I did. The breaking point. The breaking point. Like I gotta do something. You know what I mean? Yeah, I had roommates for so long, man. So then, but to the worst roommate ever,

the show is four episodes. You know what it is? Yeah. And these nightmare roommate situations. And they're really interesting, dude. They're really fun to watch. I mean, it's endless. The amount of stories.

Yeah. I mean, first's endless. The amount of stories. Yeah. I mean, first of all, I shared a bathroom with a couple, one bathroom with a bunch of other guys. Oh my God. It was like a, it felt like I was in a hospital. You can have a bath, right? Bath?

Yeah. You should have seen it, dude. It was disgusting. It was repulsive. People would come over, like we'd have parties, like girls would come over, some of you'd have parties, and girls wouldn't to stay because they Had to pee, but they didn't want to pee in our bathroom. It was so fucking oh

We cleaned it. They don't have them No, not everyone is a rich little Filipino immigrant. Okay. Yeah, yeah, not everyone is spoiled rotten Don't you just need a brush and then water and then just? Brush it sounds easy sounds easy. It sounds easy. But it's not. You don't wanna pluck another man's pubes off the fucking, right? If I lived with you, I'd see red pubes.

Everywhere. I'm not gonna scrub that off. And I shed. I shed like a golden retriever. These things fall off all day long. Yeah, there's a freckle on me. I think the lobby doesn't care. Like, you know what I mean?

Like, I don't know. It's gonna get, you know what I mean? Like, it'll be a nightmare. I get off the couch, there's pubes and freckles on me. I think the lobby doesn't cheat. You know what I mean? Like, I don't know. I just can't get up, you know what I mean? Like, it'll be a nightmare. I get off the couch, there's pubes and freckles everywhere. Yeah, yeah. And a little bit of sunburn. Well, you wouldn't be able to live with me, right? Would I be able to live with you?

Yeah, a two bed room. Yeah, in a 50,000 square foot house. No, but in a- Where we have separate wings. But do you think we could live though, a year? Think about it. Easily. At this stage in your life.

A studio apartment, right? Two beds, studio apartment, one bathroom. Sounds like a Japanese game show. I know. Two minutes, one a bathroom, studio apartment. I know. But do you think you could do it? Oh, no, because of how we are now?

Yeah. Yeah. Years ago, no. I don't think we could do it now. We could. Day four, we would be at it. We wouldn't see each other. Oh, that's right, you're always on the road. Oh, I would book myself on the road.

We'd be gone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'd be fine. Yeah, and then- And you know what, fuck it. I think you and I should do at least, we should do a year of living together. Yeah.

For the sake of the show. You think so? If we have a final season of this show, it should be you and I living together. But I bring my three cats, you bring your dog. Fine. See what happens. Love it. In one studio apartment. I think we should add more dogs and cats. it should be you and I living together. But I bring my three cats, you bring your dog. Fine. See what happens. Love it. In one studio apartment.

I think we should add more dogs and cats. It should be. Oh. Four dogs, four cats. Like a Dr. Dolittle situation. Yeah. I'd love that. Yeah.

Like we call it our arc. The arc. Yeah. All the animals. The covenant of the arc. Yeah. That would be, we would be dead. You need to get yourself some roommates and learn.

You have to learn those kind of things. Yeah. Those are like the building blocks of life, of learning to go through the shit, of like dealing with other people's, you didn't replace the toilet paper, why did you buy, you know what I mean? All that shit you need to learn,

because now you're just getting anything you want from Kalyla. Yeah, and I feel like, I feel like I don't say what I what I want to say. So I feel like if I had roommates, I'd like learn from that. Does she make you pay any money for stuff? Just my own stuff. Like what? Like your cell phone?

No, to Bobby. You still pay for that fucking cell phone? Oh, yeah. Rocket money. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I do don't I but I think Fucking house then so what do you pay for of your own? I don't know at the car is always in Hawaii So I pay for like my food and I so she's never paid rent. She's been in America ever It's an American dream. Yeah, and then you my Prius you you drive right how much did I charge you for that? 3500. What an innocuous number why did you charge her that? I don't think I did charge her. Just give it to her. I don't think I did charge her.

You did. You paid him for that? How? You know when the car broke yeah I had to pay for it and you said you pay for it and then you have. Oh, so that's how I paid for it. It got fixed. Yeah, you fix it and it's yours. Okay, yeah, that makes sense. Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, I'm not gonna, you know what I mean, come on.

Yeah. Like I would grab a check and I've never done that. So you're never gonna live with roommates. You've been spoiled. I don't know, maybe when I have an actual job and then leave. You are going to, I don't know, maybe when I have an actual job and then leave. You are going to, and I know this for a fact, 15 years from now, you're gonna be stressed out, right?

You're gonna lay down on your bed and you're gonna close your eyes and you're gonna think of us. I'll tell you what, you're gonna be like, I had it so good then. You know what I mean? I just talk on a podcast, get it? Now that you, what do you wanna be when you grow up now you're gonna graduate college? Cause life is gonna come at you fast. Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? I just talk on a podcast. Get it?

Now that you, what do you want to be when you grow up now you're going to graduate college? Because life is going to come at you fast. I still don't know. You don't have any idea of what you might want to do? Maybe something in like marine bio. Because I like diving and I like animals. So marine biologist. Maybe something.

You got to go to school for that again. Yeah. Or maybe be like, Papa Gump Shrimp. Yeah. Get a shrimp boat. Yeah, you wanna be a shrimp boat captain? Whenever I watch that movie I go shrimp boat. You wanna be a shrimp boat captain?

I mean you can make money though. Get all the shrimp. I just don't wanna deal with shrimps. Why? All right, well clams. No. There's other things down there, right? Other stuff.

Scallops, you go scallop hunting a scallop hunting no I want like whales you can't hunt whales No what I'm saying is is that well you just want to observe and like write down You know I mean all the scallop you know me reproduces every four She wants to be my octopus teacher, yeah, oh that's what, there's no money in that. I know. We want you to get a shrimp out. Please, for us. Yeah, for like, make some money.

You be the best at it. I don't know anything about shrimp. Rudy Jules shrimp. You don't know anything about shrimp? Neither did fucking Forrest Gump. You figured it out. You figured it out, dude. Can't be something like fun.

No. No. No, be something like fun. No. No. That's true. No, life is not fun. Yeah. Or, you know, go up to Alaska with those boats. And do the crab boat fishing. Yeah, dude, that's fun. Would you do that? King crab?

Isn't it just all like white people though? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's usually our thing. Anyway, okay, yeah. Now, that's it. That is true, that's our thing. We are the best at that. No one's better at that. Yeah. Yeah, that's usually our thing. Okay, yeah. Now that's your- That is true, that's our thing. We are the best at that. No one's better at that.

Yeah. Then the Japanese. Not at King, no, King crab, no. You guys are good at fishing. Not King crab. Okay, good, thank you. Yeah. Okay, good. And I said, you guys, you're not Japanese.

What am I talking about? I mean, when you say- You don't get to take credit for them. Yes, I do. No, you don't. I'll tell you why. Why? Because-

Then I get to take credit for all the good white stuff. That's not true. January 6th. Yeah, and I do give you that credit. Okay. Okay. Santa Claus. That's not you.

We stole it. You stole it. Well, success. Okay. I mean. I mean, okay. You're gonna, so you're gonna be a marine biologist. Well, maybe we'll help you get to that school.

I'm still not sure. That's just what I'm thinking Yeah, well you got to try something. Yeah, I just feel like I don't have any interest in anything That's a tough place to be Zero interest in anything were you inch well you were interested. We're different We always wanted to be comedy was so was the thing we knew we wanted I don't know how do you know 22? I didn't figure that out until it was 23 I don't know how do you know 22? I didn't figure that until was 23 She has a year was that a bit that's insane. It's the same age. It's not she's 23 not too at 22 I had no idea is what I'm saying

Yeah, I took an improv class like oh, this is fun all right well a lot of people Start to think of what they might want to do. Like, Andres knew what he was gonna do. We don't even know what he wants to do. Like, what does he do? Oh, he does a movie that you're not gonna be in. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaking of which, get your students in here and come say hi. Go ahead and bring them in here. He's got his students with us again. Are these students from Quinnipiac? Yes. He's fucking every year, this guy. Hello? Hi. Sit in that every year this guy. Hello!

Hi! Sit in that chair if you don't mind. Oh, I remember you. I remember you from out there. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You don't mind? Put the mic close there to her, Carlos.

Alright. Hi. Carlos. What the? That was aggressive, Carlos. What are you doing, dude? Say fucking sorry. No, say sorry or something.

Say, I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry. No, don't touch people. Oh, dude. Nobody wants to be touched. I'm sorry for that No, don't touch people dude. Nobody wants to be touched back up there Anyway, what is your name? I'm Vic Vic Vic. Wait, how do you spell it? The AC Vic? Yeah, you say VEC Sorry, sometimes I say things wrong. No, you said it right. It's how you said your name Vic. Yeah, that Jesus Rudy by the way, say hi. Hi. Did you change it, Vic? What did your parents name you?

Victoria. See, that's what they do. What, the whites? The whites do this. That's our thing. Yeah, like you're Margaret, right? And then like 20 years later, I'm Marvoli. Well, they would just say Margo.

Marge? I don't know. Margo. Whatever, I'm M or whatever. But Vic is cool. Yeah, Vic is cool, it's not is cool. Yeah, Vic is cool. Sorry about that. No, it's fine.

My friends start calling me and it's just not stuck. Vic, you're a Quinnipiac, you're in film school. I'm not. No, what do you do? I am a game design and development student. Hell yeah. Whoa, I love games. That's why you're wearing that specific bad friend sweater.

Yes. Do you like that game? Actually, I have not played Stardew Valley. Wow. No. What do you play? I'm more of a tabletop gamer. So I play a lot of D&D.

Dungeons and Dragons. Yes. Oh, not video games like on a table. Yeah, kinda. With cards and little marbles. No, that's a card game. It's not a video game, it's a card game. Yeah, I'm trying to get to it.

It's a dice game. It's a dice game with cards. Whoa, whoa, whoa. There's no cards.. Yeah, I'm trying to get to it. It's a dice game. It's a dice game with hearts There's no cards And I'm playing it wrong, you know, I'll tell you what about D&D people a lot of it's in their imagination No, yes, do you build it in your mind? Yeah, I get to see things. I'm a visual guy. We have maps Like my friends will actually make like full on maps. So that way for us, we can't picture things. We have maps.

But wait a minute, what if somebody makes a map that you don't agree with? Yeah. If I'm a player, it doesn't matter. If I'm the GM, I can tell them they're wrong. If you're the what? Game master, person who's. And do you walk into the room, I'm game master today.

Not necessarily, it's more of a, each of us have different games he'd run every day. I run every other Saturday. So you're the GM every other Saturday. Yes. My friend does it every Sunday afternoon. Do you have a little bit more of an attitude on Saturdays? Yes. Yeah. You're a little bit more, a little bit more pointed. Don't you think? Yeah. Yeah.

Like you wake up that morning, you go, I'm the fucking GM, dude. Yeah. You know what I mean? You got a little bit of fucking um don't you think? Yeah, yeah. Like you wake up that morning, you go, I'm the fucking GM, dude. Yeah. You know what I mean? You got a little bit of fucking ump in your step, right? It's a great confidence builder. It must be to be a GM. You wake up excited? I do.

I'm gonna, I'm GM today. Yeah, I get to do that. On Saturday, GM day. What's breakfast for you, Vic? Oh, fuck man. Ooh, that's. Cause that's a big fucking day. Raw egg. You eat one raw egg

Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely like rock like rocky slurpa. Yo It is a buttered bagel made in the microwave Buttered bagel that you put in the microwave. Yes, it tastes like it tastes like a soft pretzel. Oh that I this is a great idea by the way. I do like this No, wait what it tastes like a soft pretzel you just microwave a bagel It tastes like a soft pretzel. You just microwave a bagel, it probably tastes like a soft pretzel. Oh, okay. You put salt on it? It's wet, right? Is that why? You wet it?

Yeah, you dunk it in water. No, you just microwave it and you put butter on it. You don't do water bagels? You should. I have a question. Did you like Stranger Things? I watched the first two seasons. I did not like how they portrayed the game. Wait, how does D&D have anything to do with Stranger Things. I watched the first two seasons. I did not like how they portrayed the game. Wait, what? How does D&D have anything to do with Stranger Things?

Because that's what they like to do. Oh, in Stranger Things? Yeah. Okay, my bad. The whole plot point of the show. Did you never see that show? I refused. Okay. It's such a good show. I told you why, right? Why?

No, just stop, stop. Lack of representation? No, no, no, no, what happened was... What'd you say? Is that the fourth slam? What is it? Four or five. Yeah, yeah, what is it?

Tell me what it is. I just said lack of representation. Lack of representation. Okay. I don't wanna, it's a boring story. It's a boring story. Critic, just do a quick version. All right, so my agent's calling me, though.

There's a show called Oni-Onta, right? Or something, right? Oh, no, though. There's a show called Onianta, right, or something, right? Oh, no, Montauk. It was called Montauk, right? You're talking about Squid Game? No, stop, stop. All right. So I go, okay, and they go, there's a role, and I go, I have to go in. I went in.

I got the part on Montauk, right? Then they called me and they said, it's a period piece from the 80s. There were no Asians in Indiana or whatever. I don't know where it was. And I go, okay, but then Andrew Daly got it, that part. And then he couldn't do it. So they called me back and they go, do you want it? I go, yeah, I wanna do this pilot.

And then like two days before I'm able to fly out, they go, we're gonna give it to a local, I don't know, something like that. They changed the name to stranger things Wow and then I never drive around I had nothing then right I was so anyway are you happy I said this door I don't want to fucking say anyway Vicks hi so let me ask you Vic. Is that Vapor Rub? Jesus Christ. That's what I heard. I know. I've never played D&D, okay? So him and I are come over, right? Yep. You know, hey, I'm Eugene. Let's change our names. Why? I don't know why. Okay, Eugene. Yeah, what's your name? Tell me my name. Robert.

OK, OK, I'm Robert. That's Eugene. We're here to play. We've never played D&D. So what do we how do we start? All right. Start by making a character. All right. So you'll be given a piece of paper. Has some lines and boxes, some bubbles.

Well, I already know it. Leonard Mungpie. All right. And I'm Chooch. Start by Chooch. Leonard Mung Pie. All right. And I'm Chooch. You start by rolling. Yeah, he's Chooch, I'm Leonard Mung Pie. All right, you start by rolling your stats. You get.

Okay, I rolled. It's a zero, what does it happen? Okay. It's a zero. Take it out between three and 18, that's the more I have to do. Oh, three, okay. I got a three.

All right, you got a three. So the best way I can do this is. Do you have any snacks? Yeah. I'm starving. Yeah. We came all the way here, we biked all the way from our this. Do you have any snacks? Yeah. I'm starving. We came all the way here, we biked all the way from our house. Do you have snacks?

I didn't bring anything, sorry. You're the GM and you didn't bring snacks? So my group- What the fuck are we doing here? My group plays online. Yeah, but we're here at your house. We heard you had the best wet bagels in town. Yeah, yeah.

Make us a water bagel, please. Yeah, we want a wet water, with the butter. Fuck do you think we came over here They're like a pretzel right yeah So you don't have you already done yeah, okay, okay anyway, so what's up you ate an entire sleeve of bagel without us Yeah, there's six in there. Hey calm down chooch. I got you gene fuck off. Oh Robert. I mean yeah Yeah, oh no your character anyway Doesn't matter

so Three is for the lowest you can roll so I guess you start by what stat you don't want to be good at Oh, okay, we we can we figure out what the stats are all right. Let me guess physical Mental strength mental yeah, charity Constitution intelligence wisdom Physical? Strength? Mental? Strength, dexterity, constitution, intelligence, wisdom, courage. Constitution, what are you, a historian? You have to rewrite the whole thing.

Constitution is... They better not touch my fucking constitution, I'll tell you that. I don't care if the dragons or the dungeons are involved. The other thing is physical force. Look at those, there they are. Right, strength, dexterity. No magic?

That's what charisma is. Intelligent wisdom or charisma, determined magic based on your class. Okay, good. Oh, class, I'm Korean. Leonard Mengtai is Korean. Can I not pick that? Profession, more or less.

Okay, give me the professions. Fighter, rogue, monk, barbarian, artificer, wizard, sorcerer, druid. You're a druid artifice or wizard sorcerer druid You're a druid. I'm about to it for sure very druid a high wisdom stat okay, so I'm rolling with my wisdom first All right, I got a three Keep rolling three. Yeah, I don't know it's it's weighted or something these things alright, um It's weighted or something these things So Jurisdil wisdom means you're not gonna be able to cast a lot of spells, okay, but you but I'll think about them

Probably work on Having a high constitution because I constitution is high hit points. Okay, what is constitution? It is your physical it's physical mental fortitude. It's how well you can resist poison how much HP you have all health points Yeah, how how good you are concentrating on your spells, okay? Wow wow wow all right? So I got I'm gonna throw that for that cause I want to go home. I Know do I know I don't leave I know great baby. She doesn't be fucking bagels I know a great on the way home when we're driving our bikes all right. I know it's 45 miles all right Yeah, so okay, so my constitutions at a 60 our institution 16 60

Not acceptable why can't I get a 60 seems so your attitude as game Your attitude as game master, I swear to God did. So- It does feel like a 60. I am not explaining this in the proper order. Oh gosh. When you're rolling for stats, you roll four six-sided dice, and you keep the highest three. So your numbers will always be between three and 18.

So you wanna develop games, is that what you're going to school for? Yes. Yeah? Do you have a game you've developed? I am work, I've made a couple of video games. That's what the program is usually focused on. And then I have another game.

I'm a tabletop game. I'm working on with a couple of friends of mine that I can't really talk about because we don't want to. You don't want to leak it? Yeah. That's smart. I like that you're talking about the games we talk about.

Do you like, Andres, do you like him? Yeah, it's pretty cool. Cool is not the word. I'm pretty cool. Shut up. Look at your fucking face the word. I'm pretty cool. Shut up. Look at your fucking face right now. He's okay to you, he's nice. Yeah.

Yeah, he's never said anything inappropriate. Is he one of your favorite teachers? Oh. I've never had him as a professor, actually. Yeah, well that's- How are you here then? Because I filled out an application and they said yes. They ship these kids out here.

Okay. Their parents get rid of them. For the summer. This is camp. Okay. They get to come out here and have a good time. Okay. Which one are you, how old are you?

21. 21, how old are you? 22. Wow, look at this, huh? Look at that. You guys, I'm done. You wanna go surfing or? Yeah, do you wanna surf?

We're paying for surfing lessons. I'm not much of a surfer. Okay. Says whom? Says my, I'm a figure skater actually. Oh! Oh my god! I've won like silver in states. You won silver in state competition?

In what state? Connecticut. No shit? That's huge. You are a famous state champion figure skater. Yeah. That's huge. You are a famous state champion figure skater. That's incredible. You do that with twirls? The Vicks Vaporub twirl.

Yeah. I like that. Your triple axel, can you do that? No, I ended up having to leave figure skating because of the pandemic and I haven't been able to go back. What do you mean? China took over skating too, those fuckers? Come on those fuckers, dude.

Wait, what do you mean you had to quit because of the pandemic? They shut down the ranks. They shut down the ranks and then I had a coach who was teaching me and she couldn't travel to the state where I was practicing. Because of, she was essential

so she had to actually go in to work every day as well as- Will you ever ride again? Can we see you slicing up ice ever again? I plan to. I tried to get into it at school, and then the day I was supposed to go, like for the intro meeting, there was a fire alarm,

and I ran out without my shoes on, and it just ruined my night. Jesus. my shoes on and just ruined my night. Jesus. Just how it got back. Vic Vic. Thank you so much. Thank you for being here.

Thank you for having me. Give a round of applause. That was great. You want to get one more in here? Let's get one more. I'm sure the best. No one's going to beat that. Thank you, Vic. Thank you, Vic.

Number one. Literally number one. Yes yeah yes oh we got a brown guy oh this guy's a player dude I can tell dude when I walk in here dude look at him what's up man how you doing yeah yeah can I just say something yeah and just observation it's a good thing from your eyebrows up. It's very long What do you mean by that I don't know like like eyebrows like here yeah, you have a top your head is long My head is long. Yeah, yeah, he's a lot. He's a lot of hair. Okay. That's just all hair. Are you are you Indian? Do you watch a mere cons movies Indians yeah do you watch a mere cons movies do I watch what a mere cons movie yeah like three idiots yeah love that movie I love it too yeah my favorite ones keep going this is good rude

and um dunga yes yes that's my one yeah that's my favorite that was good i'm here cons of my So hot. I just he's daddy. Only I know is non. Mangalasi one of my favorite. Yeah, I like this. Not salted. I just had I was in India like yesterday. You just got back from India. Get him out of here right now. What were you doing in India? That's good. Yeah, that's pretty good. Yeah, you're going to your cousin's wedding yeah, I just got back how many horses rode in zero no one was on a horse So the weddings last like a very long. Yeah, so I was only there. I got there late I can only go for a week cuz I'm here so I went I

There was like two different cities. They did the wedding and they went in Mumbai and they went in Goa Which is like southern it's like beachy more tropical And I missed the entire Mumbai part of it. So that's like, that was the actual wedding part. And then I got there for like the reception, celebration, dancing, all that. I don't know, there might've been horses, I don't know. There's gotta be horses.

Yeah. There had to have been. I've never seen a horse in India. What? What do you mean? I've never seen an Indian guy on a horse before. They do that at weddings all the time. Okay, I didn't know. Sometimes they ride in elephants and shit. Dude, Indian weddings are bananas. I've seen this though. guy on a horse before they do that at weddings all the time, okay I didn't know sometimes they write in an elephant and shit dude Indian weddings are bananas Yeah, that's it

He loves that um you're like the new verse you're like the upgraded You're like the iPhone 14 of Indians right though. Yeah, like you can tell he's got a shine to the outside of him He takes a different plug doesn't it just would just call him good You just call him a monkey man dude. No like the movie. Oh fuck dude. I was like out of are you talking about? I just watch monkey man. He's like Dev Patel. He's like a hand you could have just said he's like Monkey man dog Dev Patel. It's insane fucking weirdo. Yeah, yeah that guy is really rad. He's rad Yeah, so this last week you just saw this yeah, well, so you are like monkey rad. Yeah, I saw this last week. You just saw this? Yeah. Well, so you are like monkey man, I guess. Yeah. It all comes back to him. Now, when you get, is it gonna be an arranged marriage

for you? For me? Yeah. That's what they were all talking about at the wedding. They were all joking about it. I don't know how much they were joking. But do they do that? Not as much still, no.

Are you single? Me, yes. My parents were arranged. They were? So does your parents want to arrange for you? No, they joke about it all the time. Maybe they're not joking. Maybe they, but if you would you did have a range would you do it would I do? Yeah, that's a good question. I guess it depends but then what if I like I showed up We would make it work I think yeah, I don't know

You don't think I could make it work I just don't think so, okay He's kind of out of your league. I know, you're right, you're right. He's a handsome young dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How old are you? 20. 20? Yeah, too young.

So young. You're fucking two years older. What are you talking about? You said you were a senior, right? Yeah. I'm a senior. Well, I will be. He's just smarter than you, he skipped grades.

Well, he's Indian, that's why. Well, while you were blowing in chickens' butt holes, he was learning math and science Can't be mad at him. Yeah You had to skip a grade. Um, I started early your mom put me in school like four. Where are you from Connecticut? No, I'm from Jersey. Sure. Oh Jersey boy. Okay, right straight A's I bet no No one B What a lot of bees have you tried sees

And we were trying to see I've had some see yeah, yeah, what'd you have a C in they're fucking delicious I think I had a C in in math no way It was it was it was pre calc. What did your dad say? Let me hear what your dad said. I'm gonna close my eyes and hear what your father said. Yeah, I wanna close my eyes. Let me hear, go ahead. He, he, no.

No, I'm here, I'm here, I'm here. You're me? Yeah, so you're there, right? Okay. Yo, dads, what's up? Dad? Yeah, I'm sorry, player. You're not gonna like, look at my report card.

Dishon. Excuse me, dad? Go, leave, you're done, get out. Wow, that fast. Yeah, no, that didn't happen. He did not care. He didn't care at all? No. What a switch.

Well, from like, what a switch. Is your dad from India? Yeah. So he's not a Jersey guy. He's not a Jersey guy. Well, you didn't do an Indian accent. Can I do an Indian accent? Yeah, but do your dad? Do you do your dad sound like that? No, he barely has any accent anymore He's been here like in America for like 20 to my dad. He doesn't have an accent No, well the accent comes out when he speaks like Hindi, right? Okay. Do you know any Hindi? Yeah speak some

We'll tell him he's an idiot and he fucked up and he shouldn't get a C. Tell my dad that? No this is your son what's your name? Arman. Arman? Yeah. This is you this is Arman you're your dad. Dad I'm Arman dad why you keep forgetting me? Tell him he fucked up in Hindi and he should never get a C. What's up dad what you got to say? Damn. And a babe goop, I got it. That's it. Wow. That was good, did you like that? I loved it. That was what I was looking for, dude.

Wait, say that one more time so I can hear it. I can do it right now. Go ahead. A babe doodop doop. I'm a scat man. Baby doop doop doop doop. What do you think? I said it right?

It was close. Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba. The first word is baevkoof, right? Baevkoof? Yeah, it's like. Of course, I did fast. You have to do your head. Yeah, you have to do your head.

I do it organically and real. Do your head, go like this. Baevkoof. Baevkoof. You got to. You got to. Arman. Arman, sorry.

Yeah. So you wanna be a writer and director? I do wanna be a writer and director. I think you're gonna be. Thank you. Do you have a movie pitched to us? To any sorry. Yeah. So you want to be a writer and director? I do want to be a writer and director. I think you're gonna be. Thank you. Do you have a movie pitched to us? Do I, any movie? Yeah.

And don't pitch me Scarface cause I know that's one of your favorites. Yeah. Isn't it? Pitch is a movie. You've never seen Scarface? It's Scarface. Wow.

Pitch is a movie. Pitch you a movie, okay. Well, welcome. I'm named as Cliff Liebertson. My partner here. I'm Steinman-son. Yeah. He just goes by Steinman-son. Well, I'm so famous. Everybody knows who Steinman-son is. Just call me Liebertson. My partner here. I'm Steinman-son. Yeah, he just goes by Steinman-son. Well, I'm so famous, everybody knows who Steinman-son is.

Just call me Liebertson. Okay. Yeah, we're Jews. Okay. Oh. Yeah. All right, so here's the pitch, right? What's, yeah, so go ahead. So you got this guy, let's call him Arman.

And- Well, you don't have the character's name though. I don't really like that name. I don't like that name, yeah, yeah. We can switch it out. Give me, and uh, I don't really like that name. We can switch it up. Give me any word name. It doesn't matter. It's your movie. You give us the name. I give you the name? Yes. Okay, we'll name him Andres. I don't like that one either. That's fine.

Where is this Andres from? He's from India. Okay, we like India. That's it now? Yeah, yeah. And right, so his parents set him up on an arranged marriage, right? So there's a lot of ways you can go with this, right? So he goes to the arranged marriage,

and who's waiting for him but Bobby Lee. Oh, the Mad TV guy? The Mad TV guy. The Mad Friends guy. I mean, on our list, it goes Ken Jeong, Randall Park, Ronnie Chang, Jimmy Oh Yang, Daniel Dae Kim. The list goes on. Steven Yeun.

Yeah, he's not on the list. He's not on. Give us another name, please. Any other name? Is your character Asian? He doesn't have to be. I can switch it to Asian. How about a Barry Koenig or somebody that's relevant?

Barry Keegan, yeah. Like a rat boy? Exactly. We love the rat boy summer. We love the rat boy summer. Yeah, go ahead. Wait aegan, yeah. Like a rat boy? Exactly. Like a rat boy, we love the rat boy. Rat boy summer, we love the rat boy summer. Yeah, go ahead. Wait a minute, time out for a second. Is he a rat boy?

Can you be a rat boy? No, because- You said when you described rat boy was white. But they have to be white to be a rat boy. They have to be white. Even though rats, I've never seen a white rat. Wait, really? What do you mean?

There's white rats. Where? In New York? There's white rats all over the world. What do you mean? There's white rats. Where? In New York? There's white rats all over the world. Every time I see a rat, they're like gray or brown. You've never seen a rat. I've never seen that white kind of rat. Where have you seen the brown rat?

In Jersey? In New York? Yeah. But New York, this is a fancy rat. Oh, these are like bougie rats. Okay, I got you. I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what. I have an idea.

Yeah. First of all, we love you. You know this, right? Thanks. Has this been fun? Has this been a fun little episode? Yeah. I've got someone I know that can pitch us a movie, okay?

Okay. Hey, Vic, get in here. Vic, get in here. Watch this. Watch this. I want you to see this. Yeah, yeah. I'm ready. Vic, get in here. Vic, get in here. Watch this. Watch this. I want you to see this. Yeah, yeah. I'm ready.

Vic, see? Yeah. Okay, will you jump up real fast? I want you to stand over there. Yeah, stand over there. This is what a movie is. Will you sit down there, Vic, and pitch us a movie? I want Armand to watch this.

This is a work of art. This is a work of art. Pitch us a movie. We're executive. Hi, I'm Leibowitz. This is Steinmanstein. Steinmanstein. All right. Hi

So this is a futuristic society planet. We open with a detective talking with their wife This detective a little bit disgruntled they just got back from a three-year stint in our space. They're finally back home. They're married Right the check right the check, write the check. Write the fucking check. Keep going, keep going. And then all these crimes start happening. Bad crimes?

Bad crimes. Sorry, sorry. A lot of properties going missing. There's been some accusations of bribery. And then the detectives lead Informant gets murdered. Oh my god Killed him what happened? I need to know so there's a couple more things that happens eventually leads to the fact that it is the

Detectives wife that she's the killer She's been the one committing this crimes because she was a charlatan on her home planet, which is a lower tech planet, so she's still figuring out all this technology. My mom was a charlatan. She was. I saw her. I remember her. Oh, I relate. And it's kind of that, I love you, but you're putting me in so much trouble.

Yes. Yeah, yeah, of course. As charlatans. And at the end, there's a moment of like, oh, they're gonna have like a proper wedding, like, you know, for their family. Yes. Oh yeah, of course. An arranged marriage? An arranged marriage?

Well, it wasn't arranged, but. Okay. Okay, okay. But then they decide to not have that kind of confirmation ceremony. And they just end up sitting together and like holding onto each other and saying, I love you. And the movie is called? Of Golden Glory.

Yes! Sign the check! That was that, and who's the detective? You already have the casting, right? Of Golden Glory. Sign the check! And who's the detective? You already have the casting, right? Who do you want? Uh, I think it's Scarlett Johansson. Scarlett Johansson. Scarlett Johansson? Can we get her? Yeah, we can. It's pretty expensive. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she's playing the detective.

Detective Locke Smith. Her name is Locke Smith? It's clever. Forget it. Oh My god, thank you so much three picture deal three picture deal hundred million dollars best tip know your pitch before you do it I'm gonna play about this Sit back down Arman, I'm on Vic Fucking big honestly walk off home run. Yeah walk off home run the games over. Yeah, Arman. Vic, a fucking. Vic, killed it. Honestly, walk off home run. Yeah, killed it. Walk off home run, the game's over.

Oh yeah. Arman, how do you feel about that? And we didn't mean to pit you guys, by the way. I just knew in my heart, she had something in the fucking chamber, dude. Yeah, I think I gotta go home and. No, no, no, no. Get ready and come back.

No, dude, you're gonna stay here in the studio, even after we leave. Okay. Okay, and I want you to work on it. I'll stay here till the next time you come back. Oh, you're never coming back. No, no, no. No, you're never coming back. Yes, he is. He's never coming back, but. We love him. Yeah, yeah, and I want you to work on it. I'll stay here till you till the next time. Oh, you're never coming back. No You're never coming back. Yes. He is never coming back. We love him. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Well, thank you

I think you can go back out there with the crew. Thank you, buddy. You're so good. Amazing What do we learn today Rudy? You know, I've noticed Indians smell so good. Mm-hmm Fuck do they smell like what Like they smell so like flowery Let me say what's really going on. Okay, you got she has a crush on They're called pheromones My co-workers are all Indians and they smell so good. Yes, they do smell good But you also have a crush on that guy saw the way you were looking at him is the whole thing. Yeah

Okay Deal so young. Huh? He's so young. He's 21 years old. Younger than you. You're the same age. No.

You think you're way more mature? No, I feel older. You know why? Because you don't live with roommates. She thinks she's special. Yeah. You think you're above this kind of thing. No.

And you're kind of also a celebrity? No, I'm not. That's right. You don't know who you are. I'm not. If I put you in front of a Bad Friends crowd, thousands of people, will they cheer? Because they know it from the podcast.

That's right. That's what he's saying. That's what he thinks celebrity is. If it's... That's actually what he's saying. That's what a celebrity is. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What else did you learn today? Other than that all Indians smell very good. But you did think he was handsome. He's cute. Okay. Okay. Whatever you say. What did you learn?

And that soaking is inserting the dick to the vagina. Okay, aside from that. Well, no, that's true. She did learn that. That is something we learned. We talked about other things, but yeah. And that also, you missed us and you're happy to be back and you're gonna come back.

Am I wrong or am I right or am I right? You're right. Fuck yeah. We missed you, I missed having you around. Well go ahead and sign off for us. Thank you for being a bad friend. Yeah. Woo.

Woo. Yeah. Woo. Yeah. Woo, yeah Woo, yeah Woo, yeah Woo, yeah