Bad Friends - Get Out of This World!

Episode Date: June 15, 2020

We don't like kids who call their dads by their first names. Andrew writes a 5-page apology to our fans. Bobby's maggot farm irritates Jules. Thank you: http://meundies.com/badfriends & http://buffy.co code: badfriends & Beach Body On Demand text BADFRIENDS to 303030 Subscribe to our YouTube: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube Special Outro Music: https://www.instagram.com/voicemonsteredits More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com/ More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com/ More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Intro Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Produced by George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Anchor if you haven't heard about anchor. It's the easiest way to make a podcast Let me explain. Oh, please. It's free. Awesome. That's cool These are there are creation tools that allow you to record and edit your podcast right from your phone or your computer You do it from your phone like on the go. Oh my god That's cool the bus or the subway you can do it. That's cool Anchor will distribute your podcast for you so it can be heard on Spotify Apple podcast and many many many many many many more. You can make money from your podcast too No minimum listenership. How about that? You can make money with no minimum listenership It's everything you need to make a podcast all in one place. Where do we have to go Bob?

Download the free anchor app or go to anchor.fm to get started. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? Why do you think I'm an Asian dude? You two are disgusting. Well you two are something. We're bad friends. Polila does it. You do it. You guys talk to me like I'm a child Close the door put away your drinks clean up your mess. You know stop farting Wait, I talked to you like you're a kid. You always do like you what you brought that you brought that cigarette in you bring it Yeah, there's a stomped out cigarette on the carpet I stomped out a cigarette outside and it's inside stuck to my shoe. I happened to walk in and now

So Kalala does it and I do it you guys everyone does that in my life, and I'm tired of it. I'm a old Adult man who drags in cigarettes on it. Yeah, but it was an accident. I know so just go. Oh, it was an accident I didn't know instead of just don't talk to me like that first and go What did I say? I said, did you do you did you did I go? Did you drag in a cigarette boy? Did you I know you didn't But I filled in the blanks. I said, did you drag in the cigarette is this from outside? What is this? Yeah? Oh Or or if I have to have you had done that if you had done that I would have been like oh You just dragged in a cigarette. I have to say it because I because I know I'll clean it up And I have to like make it bitch see

So I'm I am gonna keep talking to you like that because you talked to me like that Oh, that's true. It comes from me. I know that's true. All right, Bobby right away I slept for um Maybe three point two hours man. I um I Got to bed around six in the morning. You know what? I've been watching a lot of horror movies on shutter What really? Yeah, I saw this one called noroi. Oh fuck Holy shit. Why are you watching horror movies late at night? I don't know, but I enjoy it I especially Asian ones. Oh

shit when they go Like that When they get possessed they always Asian horror Dude, you know what I started watching last night. That's so fucking good. What what we do in the shadows. Oh Yeah, oh my god, do you know about it? Yes? Yeah, Allison Jones casted that Never went in it's so good. Do you know what that is on FX the movie was great? Yes, this is nothing like this is basically Jermaine Clement, you know Jermaine from Flight of the Concords and and Takawa

What I can't say his last name. They created the show together basically about like vampires that live in modern in Staten Island Well, it was the movie Well, first of all, he has nothing to do with the show anymore. Taka. Yeah. Yes. He does. He exactly produces it I know but he apparently he is not connected anymore. Yeah, he directed didn't he like the first I don't know I had read that he wasn't and then also secondly, huh? He was in the movie. Yes movie was great. Yes, and then I Never saw it because I thought It wouldn't be good because he is not connected. The show is so good Honestly, the acting is so fucking good. The people are so funny. The jokes are really tiny

Well, and I don't really choose you anymore because I saw normal people and you love normal people You didn't like normal people fucking boring. You're an idiot boring How many how many episodes do you watch? I didn't see any of it I never saw it wink. I'll never see it my friend because I'm a man Yeah, you're a big man. Are you a big man? I'm a little dick man You're a little tiny guy who dragged in cigarette dust Yeah, Lewis Capaldi followed me on Instagram because of you good and I wrote him a message. Did you would you say?

Lewis dot dot dot. Yeah No, yeah, because I I had a message to him. Hey, can you do tiger bell? He never replied. Yeah He just wants to be he wants to see us from the outside And that's fine. I love the animals in a cage for him. Listen. He's super talented. He's English He's a great songwriter. What an original voice and I enjoy joy joy joy enjoy him I didn't sleep good last night. So what happened was last night? I um, I've been watching a lot of um shutter movies like No, Roy and I've been also watching. I saw another one called um blood quantum Okay, and um, and I think it's getting into my psyche because it's like is do you think about killing people?

No, but I believe in um demon possessions and stuff. Who do you think is possessed by a demon? Oh, she's definitely possessed by a demon Seriously, she she's so rude this morning. She goes Uncle Tito. You look like Napoleon Dynamite I'm like what attack off the bat, but I know what she's saying I know you you you're an old man, and you're just like a child. You do dress like a child In a it's fun. I love it. Stand up. Let people see your um fanny pack and your short shorts You look good it is very childish. It's cute though. I like it you get the city That's what they say on the internet go back to China

No, because I've been watching a lot of videos on I've been watching a lot of videos Let's see. Let's see your favorite woman Tamara Harry, and you love this girl this woman. All right, so Hold on. So let me can I do a little um, yeah, give us some back story a little pre-pre I'm really I love entitled white people. It's one of my possessions in life. That's why you started a podcast with me Yeah, yeah, and she Is this she's a lady From Phoenix, Arizona where my parents my mom lives and rest in peace dad, and she your dad's dead

Stop oh fuck stop stop you started it you started it so You cremate your dad. I forgot. He's in the dust, but yeah, you did and because your brother has some yes What did you do with yours? It's in the podcast room. It's in the podcast room. Yeah, I'm never coming there again Oh, well, you know, so scary is at nights when it's dark. I have to run in and run out I've had to try if there's a light in there. I have to run it. I get so scared Why don't you go put the ashes somewhere else? Because it's I like the box you like but why don't you put the box somewhere else? I'm saying Not in the podcast room like in the ocean

Sure, or if no, you like you like him in the box put him somewhere where you don't have to see him every time Yeah, maybe I'll do that. Yeah hide it. Yeah, I'll put it in a cabinet or something put it in a top cabinet. Yeah I know I mean, what let me ask you this is if there's a ghost He'll st if even if it's in the house in the top cabinet. He's gonna go boo-doo. He's gonna be able to figure out Boo-doo and figure out how to get out of the cabinet boo-doo is your dad? Well Yeah, Korean ghosts Korean go say boo-doo. Yeah. Oh, wow And he's gonna be able to you know, yeah, figure it out

Yeah, he'll figure it out. So no matter where he is in the house the only way I can get out of it Well, he'll be mad if you put him in the top cabinet by the good China Watch the Asian accents. Oh, that's right. Yeah. Oh my god. I learned apology letter. Yes. I did okay good I have it right now. Do you really have an apology letter? I want to apologize Honestly, did you write one? Did you write a long one? Okay, so it's five pages long So last week can we get into a little bit? All right, so wait, what's her name? Jen Murphy. So we had Jen Murphy on last week and You know, it is what it is. She came on and she defended herself. She was very cool. She was actually very nice

I like talking to her and but a lot of fans said um, what a hypocrite Andrew Sanjino because you do Asian accents all the time and And then we talked it molded over we talked on the phone and we said, maybe we should apologize to the fans Yeah, we really need to and I said you should write a fucking lettered and so Will you read their letter to the fans? Sure. Okay, but I have a little a note for you before I read the letter Yeah, what is it? So I told you to write the letter, but my little note for you is and I and I promise you this I'm gonna take my glasses off. I

Promise you this If you don't do it the way I want you to do it. Yeah, literally I will end this podcast And we will never do it again and I will walk away You promised me this Okay, okay, so when you're reading the letter All right, yeah, I want you I want you to do it in the Asian accent No, yeah, no, I will fucking walk away from this podcast you read the letter, but you have to do it I want to be mean. Yeah, you have to do it a thick Asian accent

You have to do it in a big Asian accent, but as an Asian American I'm Asian American. I is an Asian American. I'm offended. Okay. That's fine, but I as an Asian American, right? Because I think my voice counts. Yeah, it does is is that I I believe that you are not a racist. I believe that you do Asian accents for comedy purposes I believe that because you're doing it in front of me and I allow it to do it I want the only reason why I'm doing a podcast with you because you're free in that way. Yeah, we're fun Yeah, if you don't think that if I'm hanging out with Don, I did a Netflix show with Donnell Rawlings Yeah, and with Burke Reicher and Burke goes we're gonna do an exercise where we talk about our dead dads

We like we we lay on our backs. Yeah, we do scream therapy But we want to talk about our dads, right and but then Burt goes Donnell You channeled Bobby's dad, right and the accent that came out of him Right was so offensive, right and then mine Me channeling his dad super. Oh my god. I can get canceled and Stop farting in the studio. I'm begging you. Please Do you smell it over there? Come on? Okay? Um question. Are you a scientist? Yes? No, are you a doctor? Yes? Well, we have gas you have air in your body. I've gas hold it in for that air

It's gas. Okay, it's putrid gas. Yeah, and I know putrid is the word. I don't want it Yeah, and you want it inside me? Yeah, that's where it belongs. No, it doesn't that's why it comes out But that's for outside. No, so I have this putrid gas inside me and it's like if it could talk it's like You know and so I'm like should I keep this You know insidious putrid shit inside my body or do I release it into the let it go free? It's like a genie in the bottle. The genie don't want to be in there. Yeah, I Mean he does want to be that's his home. Oh But the genie come you smell it from there. Yeah. Yeah, uh-huh. I'm gonna do it again

Right now. Don't don't fart. Please don't fart again. I'll do it quiet. No, it's not the noise Yeah, I'll watch it'll be ninja talk about ninjas ninja. It'll be a ninja fight I want to be ninja in my fart. Okay. Okay. So um explain Tamara. So Tamara herring herion is a She's married to Bob herion and she's I guess she's a she works at Bob herion's law firm Her husband's law firm. Doesn't she own the store? Isn't that the whole thing? She doesn't own the store Oh, she talked like she owned it. She doesn't know it. Ah, but that's what I love what was some white people do that? What didn't they own shit? Well, she did say get out of our store. Don't serve this guy I know I know but I'm have you ever seen skate videos where it's like a skate you can't skate here

Yeah, I own this but they don't really own it. You can't skate at this building. Yeah, I know it drives me crazy Yeah, so um a latino woman. I don't know what the exchange was before. Yeah, but basically Tamara herion Says basically go back to your country. She says you don't belong here, right? Let's play the clip Let's see what she says Bob's been obsessed with this. Oh, I said she is and that's why she's leaving so you will leave too This is going on the internet. You don't know who I am. You told her to go back to her country Where she's from? Yeah Where your ancestors from you're not from this country You better go back

You just now you just walked into her Slap her around the world Yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum. Oh, I could just on a loop watch that slap again. Yeah. Yeah, she hits her good Yeah, but then So right there stop pause right there That's perfect. Yeah, look at what the white chick does. Huh? She pulled down fucking blouse. Look at her titties out. Oh I didn't even see that. Yes. Oh my god. I didn't notice that and I've watched this video before. Yeah. Yeah. Here we go. Oh My god, she does yes, dude, I'd never watched enough to know so the white woman goes to grab her and she

Pulls her boobie. Maybe it's a lesbian thing. I like your titties. Maybe or I don't know what she wants to get smashed She's like smack me again Let's see this again. Yeah First of all, you don't know dude, she hits her. I just want to say this Yeah, okay, I used to date a Latina girl, right? Mm-hmm and one time she woke I woke up earlier than her and I hid behind the around this corner And she went to go get coffee. Mm-hmm, and I snuck up behind her and I just tapped her on the shoulder I go

Like that right? My head went back, you know, you don't touch a Latina No, well, she just she must have pushed her or something cuz she she holes off on this bitch. Yeah, look at this So I guess what happened after that was She probably went home because her husband's a lawyer Bob Harry and yes, and they own a law firm called Harry and law firm In Phoenix, Arizona. Mm-hmm, and he did and then so I went to Harry and law firms Wikipedia or not Wikipedia, but they're Yelp Yelp page and I read the reviews and There was a thousands of reviews. Well, we can look at that in a second. They erased them. Oh, they're gonna how they erase them

Yelp reviews. No, it wasn't Yelp It's just if you go to Harry and law firm and you go to the Google sure sure you can see the reviews on their business Yeah, they pulled them down. Yeah, they pulled them down. Well, this is Bob here. Let's this is Bob Is this a pie? Is he apologizing for what happened? He's very upset about his wife's behavior And this is Bob Harry in let's hear what Bob What Bob has to say here Perina, I don't know what to say. I'm just so sorry I'm just so sorry that this happened

You never walked into that store thinking something like this was going to happen Sorry for what she said. It was very hateful It was it's indefensible But I just have to tell you this it's her mental illness a Year ago, she would never have done never they've even thought of that A year ago, a year ago, she liked Mexicans In June, she was all about Mexicans last year. She went to a fiesta something about this June makes her hate Mexicans Yeah, we went to a quinceanera. Yeah in July. We were El Mariachi's in Halloween two years ago

Yeah, we love Diaz de las Muertes. Our favorite movie is machete We love Coco. I saw Coco with her And she said nothing about yeah, you know, it's such a bummer. Yeah Perhaps truthfully. Yeah, perhaps this guy doesn't know that she does dumb shit like that Maybe I don't know because maybe he might think you think you know everything about your wife Yeah, but let me say this. Yeah, she may have some dumb I do dumb shit when I'm away from you shit like like like say some she doesn't but I'm saying he might not know her like He used to know her. Yeah, this is a Mary for 30 years, right? Like like imagine. She's turned her life is different now

She's an angry old bitter bitch and she takes our signs though Andrew It's like they're watching Schindler's list, right? And she goes yeah, and and and she's laughing during the movie She's like cackling and he's like it's not a comedy, sweetie. Yeah, you mean like little signs like that You think he had no idea that she was racist or yeah when she waves. She does this I mean, I don't know. You think he knew a little bit. There's always a little bit, but he seems very genuine when he cries No, what that those tears are is loss of income is I'm gonna lose my fucking business. Yeah, that's true And I have to do whatever it takes to make and now he kid in his mind, you know Be think that that's what it's about about racism. Yeah, but I think

It would if his business wasn't in trouble. I don't think there would be apology and an apology of video Not from him. Yeah, there wouldn't need to be right if it wasn't his business wasn't in trouble He wouldn't have said anything. She should have had to come forward and say something it affected her Yeah, where is she? Why would you why would she say anything? Yeah, but you know, what is she gonna say? Here's another thing is is that people are just been popping off lately people are saying some weird shit a lot of Asian ones too Now go back to China. Well, that's Chinese virus Hey, me undies is doing the right thing. They are the best during this time. It's Pride month They are

Making $50,000 donations to it gets better project and black lives matter They're good peeps over there trying to do the right thing while making nice comfortable undies me undies has the best Designs and comes in terms of underwear. I I all I wear is me undies. Yeah, I threw everything away It feels like sometimes you're not even wearing underwear. That's how comfortable it is It just feels so silky and nice and the patterns are so cool and so soft and We love it here. I bet I bet I really do love them. Honestly. You remember the phrase nut huggers. Yeah, man They really feel like high school was not huggers. Just go to people and hug their nuts. Yeah, man I like the way they cup my nuts

There's a little cup for your for your peen and I'm sure there's something for your lips if you're a girl I'm sure they've got a camel toe crutch But me undies is the best as a range of sizes it's from extra small That's me for XL. That's Bobby and he just farted through his me undies right now live on this ad read Me undies has a great offer for our listeners any first-time purchasers you get 15% off and free shipping You got to give it a try. It's 100% satisfaction guarantee 15% off your first order plus free shipping and a hundred percent satisfaction Go to me undies.com slash bad friend. That's me undies.com slash bad friends The best thing that Andrew Santino has ever done for me is give me a Buffy blanket

Yeah, the Buffy the Buffy the Buffy is incredible. I swear to God me and Kalyla. I have it at home You roll up and we roll it but it literally is it's so soft Mm-hmm and light, but it also keeps you warm. It's an unbelievable It's super breathable because it's eucalyptus fiber and it's cool to the touch. It maintains your temperature It doesn't make you sweat at night, which I used to do we've talked about that I used to have a big problem with it and it's softer than cotton and it's way more earth-friendly They also have pillows and sheets man. You got to turn your house into a comfortable calming zone Yeah, that's right. It's everything is cruelty free and hypoallergenics

So you're not gonna get the sniffles and the sneezes and their products have 20,000 plus five star reviews, buddy It's crazy man people do listen if Bobby doesn't trust me for anything except for that And it worked so you can try it in your bed for free There's no commitment to buying if you don't love it give it back at no cost for $20 off your Buffy bedding visit Buffy.co and enter the code bad friends at $20 off your first Buffy bedding visit Buffy.co and answer the code Get comfortable in bed. There's one the lady that torn is it Torrance? She's there's actually two videos of her which I can't fucking believe That there's two videos that made me a part of it made me think it was fake

I was like, I think this woman twice not only that one of the videos the woman if you or whoever it was if you look at it Was it even full Asian? I didn't couldn't I didn't I didn't see anybody in that one the first video She's not even full Asian. All right. Well, here's the first video of of Of this woman. She's stretching this one right here. It doesn't seem full Asian here this girl that she's talking to the step girl All right, let's see what she says here Okay, next time you ever talk to me like that, you're gonna get your ass kicked by my family. They're gonna fuck you up They're gonna fuck you up. Why did I do because you are an asshole Look at the whole stairs to your side. What if you go somewhere else where you can go to a gym?

This is not just for you. Oh Get the fuck out of this world. Get the fuck out of this state. Go back to whatever fucking Asian country you belong in Okay, racist bitch. This is not your place. This is not your home We do not want you here. You put that on Facebook I hope you do because every fucking person will beat the crap out of you from here on out Don't you ever say? Oh Jesus? Stairs you little bitch There's other stairs

Oh, thank you She's got a lot of nerve talking about her outfit. Look at this fat crazy bitches outfit. What the fuck are you talking about? Yeah, who wears black and California, yeah, she's got one of those lanyards that college kids wear so they don't lose their keys You know, I mean with it. What is it? Yeah, Landry. Yeah, look at this woman's got a fucking. Where is she? Look at this. Look at that thing. You know nurses That looks like a nurse's scrub scrub. Yeah. Oh My gosh, she looks like Eric Stonesbury

A woman Eric Stonesbury Because every fucking person will beat the crap out of you from here on out. That's a bitch also bitch. Hey lady She's like a half Asian so Keanu Reeves gets you want Keanu Reeves out of the country. He's a national treasure I like that. She goes get out of this world Go to a different world Another video of her. All right, so this is what's crazy about this is this happened two days in a row That was the only reason that I got a little suspect that I was like something's going on here that she must

This one is obviously mentally ill. Well, she's mentally. Yes. Yes. Something's wrong I don't know about the Harry and lady, but this no Harry ladies just straight up offer this one's the harian lady It's just an asshole. Yeah This woman definitely is mentally ill something's wrong. There's something going on Okay, and then I dare to say she might be mentally handicapped. So what you maybe yeah, we That's why I'm being now. I'm like, oh, who knows. Yeah, she's obviously got enough faculties about her to make really heavily handed racist comments Oh, so oh, so what's look at her last name, huh? Racist Lena Hernandez Hernandez. Yeah, but maybe Hernandez is one of the people that put in the video

I I don't know. I don't know if that's her name. What let me look it up though. Wait, let's I have to know I'm gonna press play on the second video. Don't don't don't don't don't don't Who is Lena Turner or who is Lena turn and as? Who is Lena Hernandez? Torrance Karen strikes twice. Damn. That's her Lena Hernandez has been identified as the Torrance Karen What who is subject to a racial tirade on the Asian lady? What though so that that's how you know she's mentally ill Wait a minute, cuz are hey, I'll go back to fucking Asia if you go back to Mexico I

I'm told I'm lost. That's what it is. She's mentally ill her name is Lena Hernandez Wow Of course, she doesn't look Hispanic. So it sucks that the I don't know. Maybe she is who knows we I don't know The victim doesn't have that information Yeah, let's just to to rattle back the ammo. Yeah. Yeah, let's see what she does on the second one here Okay, obviously she doesn't Asian accent later though. She's Go go to the Asian. She's mentally ill. Yeah. No, obviously. She's mentally ill. That's what I'm saying Yeah, but even there's something else going on exactly. Yeah

This isn't just a normal person like your first girl. What's the first lady's name? Tamara Harry and yeah that her her husband was like she's mentally ill. No, she just is a fucking yeah This one's never something's wrong. Something's wrong. Yeah, yeah, something's wrong. Yeah Fuck to death. Okay. Well, great. Let me let me take your card. Let me put your number plate here. This lady just made a racist comment. I can't avoid this. You are going to go to real jail now. Well, great. You are. I think you're going to understand me kind of man. I think you're going to understand me kind of man. She does more. Respect. Respect people lady. Respect lady. It's a terrible accent. Terrible. Are you doing an Asian accent or Elmer Fudd? Yeah, they keep putting their tongue on this thing. How do you park the car? You don't even know. There you go. Do you know who my family is? Do you know who your family is? How does she have a license? It'd be so funny if she drove like a really nice car. She drove like a Ferrari. She's like, excuse me, China man that gets into a fucking Ferrari. Or be funny like a DeLorean from like back to the future. She puts a bunch of waste inside of it. This is from my government. Go home. Sounds like a nice nice lady. Yeah, I just there's something about the climate of today.

Well, it's bringing out. Yeah, don't you think that's yeah, this but this is proud. No, this kind of shit happens a lot. I just think I like I think there's been more videos in the last four years than in any other time. I would have to say there's more people recording more often. Not only that, but there are more people getting the balls to really express themselves. But don't you think that's ironic that you'd be more adamant to say that when you know someone's going to record you on your cell phone? I think that's a little weird. That's weird. Yeah. Yeah, that's thick for me because you know cops have changed their behavior because of body cameras. Yeah, I mean I have a message for white people that want to act racist. Here we go. Become better actors. For instance, treat it like you're in a movie. Right. So you do your eight racist, whatever, be yourself. Yeah, as soon as the camera. Hello, my friend. You know what I mean? Right. So so if this scenario character, she should have gone as soon as the thing, you know, go back to China, go back to China as soon as the camera. Do you need help with your car? May help you with your groceries. Yeah, like become a different character. Yeah, that's that we should teach a class an acting class on racist people on how to on how to act civil right when an iPhone comes out. As soon as the iPhone comes out. Yeah. Hello. When the iPhone, that's action. Yeah. When the iPhone comes action. Right. Can I help you with something? Yes, that's exactly as soon as the iPhone goes away. Yeah, yeah, then you go back to China. You go back into it. Yes. So I think we should take a teach a class. Bobby and I will be teaching a how to be racist. My is their technique. My is their technique racist class. And you really have to put in an exercise like this, go to a local park. Yes, and attack an Asian person verbally.

Let's just stick with Asian for now. That's class to class class two and three get into more advanced. Yeah, and more advanced. Yeah. And cops can take it too. Yeah. Yeah. You know, yeah, that guy didn't do it uncomfortable. Yeah. Yeah. Well, just because what I'm sorry, I didn't I didn't read the read the plan. I didn't read the plan. Read the plan. Yeah, I should read the entire planet. Yeah. I don't I think these videos are circulating more and more because people are people want to catch people saying fucked up shit. Yeah, I think people say fucked up shit all the time. Thank God for phones. I phones. Thank God for technology. Has anybody ever said something like that to you, Ruth? Has anybody ever said go back to your country or anything like that? No. Has anybody said that to you, Bob? Oh, my God, you have no idea. Dude, first of all, I'm 48, right? So I was I grew up in an age where white people used to go wild on us, bro. I mean, go back to China. Is that what that says? No, but even little things like open the refrigerator. You ever know what ever took pleasure in this game? No. So as a kid, this game, it used to I used to cry what to when I went home, but keeps ago. All right, Bobby, open the refrigerator and you would open the refrigerator. Take out the coke. Take out the what coke. Okay. So you take out the coke. I scored. I got this was the thing. Drink it. And then you drink it and they go me Chinese me play joke me go pee pee in your coke. Why would they pee in your coke?

I have no idea where that comes from. But I remember the first time doing it. I would I would do it and I would drink it and they would they would do it. Right. And I would be like, I would spit it out and I would go home. I would start crying. I swear to God that was a Chinese me play joke. Me go pee in your in your coke. Where does that come from? I don't know where it comes from. What is it? What was the other one? I don't know that one. I've never heard that. You never heard that at all? No, but I've heard like a, you know, Chinese look at these dirty knees. You know what that is? Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I know that. Yeah, Chinese look at these. Yeah, yeah, that was that was I don't know what that was either, but they would do it. I thought you were going to do this game that people used to do. No, what? You know this thing from, you know what this is, don't you? You never did this? No, this is. No. Put your hands like this. Yeah. Okay, now come come up to my hands. I don't want to touch you. What do you mean? Yeah, six feet away. Well, then we can't do it. Yeah, I don't want to touch you. Our hands need to interlock and then you open it looks like a pussy. You've never, you've never seen that before. Yeah, but that's not a racist thing. Why would you even do that one? No, I know.

That's what I thought you were going to do when you did this. I didn't know what you were doing. Yeah, but that's what I was doing like this. Well, no, it does become racist because the color of the vagina is the color of your hands. Yeah, but kids used to always, you know, they would do this. Yeah. You know, yeah. And you know, and when you just kind of as a kid, Asian kid, because I grew up in Minnesota for like eight years. And I was like the only Asian kid in in Edina where you were in Minneapolis. Where? Edina. Oh, wow. Right. And kids used to say the worst thing. They threw ice balls. Get the ass come out in the snow. Get out. Right. And they would throw icy snowballs at where I bleed. Yeah. And I'd be running, you know, I mean, just tear and then I would go home and people say I play a victim. It's fine. But you know, then my dad would be abusive too. So it was like, you know, you would get it from all sides. Yeah. Right. But, um, yeah, they used to go fucking free with that shit. Go home to your country is a weird phrase that people like for some reason. I just want to make a hello. Go back to your newsflash. Hello. Hello. It's I don't know where that I was. Listen, I was born here, man. The only thing I know is this language, baby. I know all Tom and Jerry cartoons, Mr. Rogers, all that shit, baby.

And I don't know what you fucking mean. I'm not going anywhere. He's not going anywhere, baby. No one's going anywhere. You belong here. You belong here. And it's like when they say that, what, you know, where would you go back to your country? I'm also Korean. And don't say go back to get the fucking country right. First of all, go back to South Korea. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If you're going to say it, you have to say it the right way. I want to let's let's let we'll knock this out of the park. Last week, people got mad because people said I'm a hypocrite for the Jen Murphy video. Bob and I have a relationship where when we do accents to each other, that's in our comedic world. And that's that. If you think that I'm hypocritical for calling out Jen Murphy for doing a video about wanting to be a ninja while selling Murphy beds. If you think that's the same thing as me doing accents with my friend, Bob, then I can't help you. I want to say I want to say this. I can't help you if you don't get that the woman selling fucking Murphy beds, making fun of Asian people is if you think that's the same as what I do with Bob. I don't I can't help you. I don't know, man. That's it.

There's also a lot of that's on you victims. You know, I'm not saying that I'm a victim with this with racial injustice. Like, yeah, when I first came to LA, this is not comedy, but this is true. I went to ICM by my manager. There's an agency called ICM back in the day. Yeah, they're still there, right? Yeah. And they wanted, you know, I had a meeting and the agent said, I know his name, but I'm not going to say it, but he's still an agent. Yeah. He basically said, listen, you're Asian. Asians are never going to work in Hollywood. This is 1998. And no one's going to sign you. I'm sorry. You're a funny kid, right? Not that he said anything like derogatory. He was just giving me. He's giving you the landscape of what's really going on.

Right. And in my head, it hurt at first. Yeah. But there is a sense of me going, I'll show you. Yeah, proving him wrong. I'm going to prove you wrong. Yeah. And, you know, I don't know if without that, I think all those things when I was bullied racially or whatever. Yeah.

I think it was seeped into my heart and my and I had an internal dialogue with myself that said, all right, that's uncomfortable. That sucks. Right. But I'm not going to play be a victim. I want to just show you. Yeah. And there's a there is anger. You build anger inside yourself and there's resentment, especially in my generation of Asians, right? Because now I go to my shows and I see like, you know, a dumpy Asian dude dating a hot white chick. And it's just a given. And you go, you know, I want to go, what the fuck? But like, you know, I remember it was just so much harder for me.

Yeah. Right. But, you know, it's but back in my day that you just didn't see shit like that. Right. And so but I am I would never change anything about my past. Yeah, you learn. We grow. We change. Yeah, I've been bullied. I've been beaten. I've had great things to I have great memories as well. But all those things accumulate to, you know, and that journey to this moment here. And I wouldn't change this moment for the world because, you know, I have a great life.

Yeah. And I, you know, I want to say I'm proud of myself. Yeah. You know, I do a lot of self deprecating humor. I can be I can be down on myself with shame and all that kind of stuff. But at the end of the day, it's like, bitch, I fucking done so many great things and I've overcome so many fucking things. And, you know, I love when people go on the Internet. Do you're not funny? Fuck you. Fuck you. That'd be real. Yeah.

Come on. Yeah. Papa got it. Papa got it. Those are difficult things to say out loud. Yeah. You know, those are difficult to say because, you know, you know, you want to be humble, you know, but I also, you know, you get attacked. We get attacked a lot. Yeah, it's because we put ourselves out there. We put ourselves out there. We get attacked a lot and I don't fight back ever.

I don't ever comment that usually, you know, but, you know, there it does build. And you wanted to say to people, bitch, what the fuck are you talking about? You know, Tiger Billy is not funny. People say, bitch, don't listen. Yeah. Yeah, to know to know I don't feel like when people say like, oh, you've lost me on this one. Yeah. Okay, man. We don't.

Okay. We don't. Is that like Andrew and I call each other before these? Yeah. All right. So do you have a list of things we want to talk about? We should map out exactly who exactly. Yeah.

I've because I know podcasts that do that. We have segments and stuff like that. Yeah, we will plan stuff once in a great while if we don't want to really want to talk about it. Yeah, like that sometimes guests and obviously are planned out. Yeah. But in terms of like today, I showed up there. I'll do it. I don't know if I can do this.

I'm tired. I said that to you. Yeah. And then you were like, yeah, I didn't see that will either. You know, so some of these are tough, but. These are. Oh my God. Are you okay?

Yeah. I think we do this for fans that want to have fun and come along for the ride. And if you. Disagree with what we say or what we do. That's cool. Fucking cool it out. What does that mean? Like people that are just people that get like upset at things that we say on the show or what we do on the show.

Sorry. Oh my God, I swear to God. I thought you farted. No, I swear to God. I thought that was like a rumbler. I thought that's what that. What was that? Your phone.

You know why? You know why she did that? Why? She hated the segment. That's not it. She didn't like we were talking about. No, that's not it. What she got over it.

What she does is Jules plays. What's the game you play? No, I'm not playing. What's the game you play? Mobile Legends. Mobile Legends. Mobile Legends. Mobile Legends.

Mobile Legends? Mobile, whatever. Yeah. And at dinner she plays it when you're having conversations. What is it? What is the game? It's just a video game on her phone. Rudy, what is it?

What's the game? There's like 10 players and then five to five we kill and like win. Kill, big theme for her. Yeah, she loves killing. How do you kill on the game? Is it with guns? Don't say knives. They're guns, swords or power.

Knife, shit. Powers. Powers, yeah. But you play it a lot, right? Yeah, but not right now. Why did you drop your phone? It just slipped. Why was it in your hand?

I was talking to someone. Yeah, see you're working right now. Yeah, your job here in America. Tell her to go back to her country. Go back to your country. Yeah, there you go. Here in America, when we work, we work. Right?

Yeah. And you're on the fucking clock right now. What are you texting? George texted me. What did he say? Yeah. What did George say? George wants to know if we're going to talk to Andres.

We will. I know he gets real, George gets real uppity and ampity. I want to also talk about, let's talk about things that we've watched in quarantine and things we want to recommend to people. Why don't we ever do that? Normal people and what we do in the shadows are the two things that I'm going to recommend right now. And I don't care that you don't like normal people.

You don't want to watch it. I am going to watch it. It's so good. Yeah. I'm telling you it's so good. So what I've been watching is I've been watching because of Jules, put your fucking phone down. I've been getting into anime. Are you serious?

Yeah. What are you watching? Well, I saw Attack on Titan. I don't know what that is. It's so good. Is it one of your favorite shows? Is that why? No, I saw it before her.

Yeah. Attack on Titan is probably in the top. Attack on Titan. Yeah. These are some of the people. Yeah. Wow. Cool.

So the premise of Attack on Titan is it's an Asian society. I don't know where it is. But it's basically people now live. Will you pay attention to me? I'm listening. Okay. I just want to see the characters. Yeah.

People now live in behind walls. Like we're in a confined area that the government's done. Right. So there's like three walls. Yeah. Right. One's called Rose Wall. Yeah.

Yeah. There's a couple of other walls. Right. And I guess toward the center of the walls, like if you're in the middle society, it's upper people with money on the outskirts. But there are these gigantic walls. And the reason why there's walls is because there are these gigantic creatures called Titans.

And they kind of look like humans, but they're like 500 feet tall. Wow. Right. And they're like, they look like zombies. Right. And they tear down walls. And so there hasn't the show starts off for 100 years, not a single side of a Titan. So they were just living freely.

You know what I mean? Oh. And kids are playing. And you know, we're around. And then all of a sudden they show up again. And they look like that. Yeah. That's the that's the one of the main Titans.

They look like like skeleton with all the muscle fiber tissue. No, that's that they all they all generally don't look like that. Look at all the other Titans. Look at Google it. That like that. That guy's there. The same guy. This.

Yeah. Yeah. They look like that. It looks like Iggy Pop. Yeah. Yeah. That looks exactly like Iggy Pop. Yeah.

Legitimately, that's what he looks like super rail thin. Yeah. And do they eat the people? Or it looks like a naked. A naked Eleanor Kerrigan. Like I can imagine like you're dating Eleanor Kerrigan as she goes out. You know what I mean? To get like a cup of water and come back comes back to bed like looking like that.

I love Eleanor. I love you. So this is so scary. How creepy. That's what they look like. And what I don't understand how how do they get this way? What do they used to be? Well, I don't I don't want to give away the story.

But there is a reason why they're there. But you'll you find out during the show. Don't tell me. But it really is a fucking scary because it's like the main. What's a main kid's name? Aaron Aaron is a boy. Aaron Aaron. Yeah.

What a boring time. And and she has a his best friend, Mikasa, who's a girl and their kids. Mikasa. Yeah. Maybe they're 12, 13 years old. My house. They're playing around. Go ahead.

And the Titans attack. Right. And this is not giving anything away. Right. And one of the Titans picks up Aaron's mom. Looks at it and just tears her mom in half. Like rips off her head. Her half her body.

Oh my God. It's it. Blood squirting all over in front of Aaron. Right. So it's very graphic in that way. What does my house do? What did Mikasa do? Mikasa was like, come on.

And they run away. They don't even try to say. So. So when it says. They're fucking. You can say what the kids. David and Goliath. You have to figure out a way to.

They do. They do figure it out. Of course. Of course. They train. They do a little fucking thing. I like it. Then the attack on the attack on the Titan is the finale.

What gets way crazier than that. How many episodes and where can I see it? There's like 50 episodes. Where do you watch it? Netflix. There's only one season on Netflix. Yeah. Then I bought the rest on iTunes.

Yeah. Netflix does that. They bait you into one. You have to go buy it somewhere, huh? Yeah. Why do they do that? They put up one season. The rights to the one season and maybe the production company does that.

We'll give you a season, but we're going to keep second, second, second, third season. Yeah. So people buy it. Beachbody. Hey, do you want to have a hot bod like Bob? I do. I do. Guys.

During this quarantine, Beachbody has saved my life. I've been exercising. I've been doing the 21 day fix. Is it working for you? It's working, man. It's really tough. It's challenging. But dude, they make it so, you know, it's the language.

It's understanding what they're saying and being able to follow the routines and whatnot. The programs are really easy. They're the people behind P90X and Insanity. Bobby did the 21 day fix. I've done the morning meltdown. It actually does work. It's a condensed workout that you can do anywhere, which is really cool. You can access it on your computer, on your phone.

Some of the workouts are super short, like 10 minutes. So it's not like you're like, going, oh, man, I got to fucking take a chunk out of my day to do it. Yeah. It's not going to take out your whole day and you don't need to drive anywhere. You can do it from one of the rooms in your home. If you... It's on your computer.

It's very easy. It's very simple. And they got great trainers. Bobby's favorite is Tony Horton, of course. Oh, the Horton man. And mine is Autumn Calabrese. Calabrese. He loves the Horton man.

So you can use it anywhere and try it out for absolutely free if you're a bad friends listener. It's really, really incredible. Challenge. Challenge to some of our people. If you're really doing one of these, send us in a video of you doing it. We might just throw it up on Bad Friends. It's totally worth it.

Get a freeze trial membership. Text Bad Friends to 30, 30, 30. You'll get full access to the platform, the workouts, nutrition. Everything for free. Text Bad Friends to 30, 30, 30. Did you see that they removed Gone With The Wind from what they took it down? Because it has racial undertones, but it was removed. Spike Lee says...

Look at this. Yeah. Yeah. After his op-ed, Gone With The Wind, John Ridley had written this thing. And HBO Max pulled down Gone With The Wind because it has racist undertones. Yeah. I don't really agree with that, do you? Well, no.

It's a part of our history. It's about a movie history. And I don't like when people fuck with movies in that way. I remember Last Tango in Paris. You know that movie? Yeah. Marlon Brando. Are you going to take down Driving Miss Daisy, by the way?

Exactly. Yeah, a movie is littered with racial undertones and social commentary. Yeah. So, if we had those things because they represented a time period, they're historically time... We're talking about a time period. Right. Yeah. Well, that's kind of...

This brings up a good discussion then. When people talk about tearing down racist statues, right? Or people that were like, yeah. It's interesting to me. I get why people go, fuck that shit. Take it down. Fuck it. That guy's a piece of shit.

Yada, yada, yada. So, yeah, but that's a representation of the past, and now we're moving forward and look at how far we've come, right? There's a duality in my mind that goes, you're not going to go to... Are you going to say tear down Auschwitz? Right. Auschwitz is... No.

Not even arguably. It's the most disgusting place on earth because of its history, right? Yeah. Repulsive. But it's there as an example that Jewish organizations continue to fund to make sure that young people see it to know... It's a reminder. It's a reminder of how awful the history was and how far we've come.

So, keep the Robert E. Lee fucking statue. Well, there's something about these statues that reminds us where we've come from. It's a duality for me. I understand why people go, that guy was... Well, like USC took down a statue, and I don't remember who it was on their campus. They had a guy that obviously had views that they no longer agreed with. But to me, it's like, well, isn't that a good talking point? I don't know.

I understand. I don't know. It's also even the Confederate flag. Well, that's a whole new thing now. Yeah. It's a whole new thing. Because now it's banned from NASCAR, and the NASCAR guy was like, I ain't gonna write snow more!

That's him! Yeah. And did you see about this guy? No, I didn't. Did you see his racing record? No, no, no. Yeah. What's his name?

You're gonna fucking love this. Confederate... Confederate flag. If you're hanging a Confederate flag to remind people about our ugly past, that's one thing. But they... But if you hang it in pride, it depends on what your intentions are, right? Yeah. Well, here's the problem.

It's... Hold on here. NASCAR truck racer, Ray Cicerelli says he's quitting over to company's decision to fucking... NASCAR driver. Let's see. He says, Ray Cicerelli, he's gonna quit because they've decided to ban... I want to see a photo though. Can you just go to images?

Let's do this. I want you to show you this though. Racing record. You're gonna love this. Part-time competitor. He's not even a full-time NASCAR driver, number four in our truck. After 18 races over the span of three years, he has one top ten finish. You suck!

You fucking suck! No one's gonna miss you. You suck. You fucking suck. In fucking three years, you've only finished in the top ten one time. You fucking suck, Cicerelli. Look what this fucking moron looks like. What do you mean you're gonna cut ties?

You're... They were gonna fire you. You know what that's like that's going to your boss and being like, I quit. And they're like, we were gonna fire you the fucking, you're the worst employee. You don't even work here anymore. It's Cicerelli. That's him. That's him going to get him.

I'm gonna go... That's it. I'm going to fucking get a hoagie. Fuck this shit. He's mad that they took away the Confederate flag for NASCAR. That's what they look like, don't they? They all look like that, huh? This guy's a fucking idiot.

You fucking... You suck. You suck at fucking racing. So you quit because you suck. Not because the Confederate flag. Well, he's kind of handsome. But not from that angle. What a stupid fucking thing to get mad over.

They took away the Confederate flag. Look at the size of these guys. God. Slap fighting is maybe some of the coolest. Put on your fucking headphones. Slap fighting is some of the coolest shit I've ever seen in my fucking life. Just grown men just beating the fucking shit out of each other. The fact that they can even take, like, take the hit and stand up afterwards is insane.

They're putting in slow motion. I don't want to hear this music. It's insane. They hit these guys so fucking hard. Bop. Ugh. They just take it. Nothing.

No, not... I mean... Oh, coma. A standing... Look, and they put stuff in their ears to protect their ears. Yeah. Because sometimes they hit their ears on the side of their neck. Yeah.

I mean... Ugh. The... Oh, my God. The dust that comes up when you hit, when he hits him in the face. I mean, like... Well, who wins, though? Us, at home?

No, I know, but... But did they keep slapping until... Yeah, I don't know the official rules. If somebody falls, is that that you lose? I think if you pass out, you're done. Yeah. I think if you're done, you're done. He's trying to talk to him.

Yeah. How are you feeling? Did he fuck you up? I don't know why they have to have, like, this music in the background. But yeah, slap competitions are... That's like a huge... That's a big thing. Have you never...

You never seen that before? No. Really? Well, I've seen slapping. No, but slap boxing. I've never seen slapping. I'm gonna Google the fuck out of it. I'm obsessed already.

All right. I want to talk about... You know I have a new pet. You do? Yeah. So I don't know if you know, but I have three cats and three dogs, and I have a new pet. I know that. And I have a pet named Leonard.

Leonard is who? What kind of pet is Leonard? Um, let me tell you the story. Please. So about five days ago, Kolela goes, we have a new pet, and I go, what the fuck? We have enough. Yeah. She goes, look on our balcony.

And on our balcony is a crow. Dude, I have a crow in my backyard. No. And it's there every day. I swear to God. I swear to God on my life. This one broke its wing and its leg. Oh, my guy is a...

My guy's chill. No, he's not chill. No. Your guy's paralyzed. Paralysed. Okay. And the crow's, you know what I mean? On the porch, you know what I mean?

With his mouth out like this. Right? Yeah. Like, kill me. I'm dying. Take my life. Right? So I'm like, what the fuck do we do?

We call humane... I don't know. Animal... The Humane Society, right? No, no, no. What are you? Animal... Animal rights activists.

I don't know. Some sort of... I don't know. We Google it. Right? You call somebody. You call the... Exterminate her.

Exterminate her. Extermination. Show up, kill the bugs in the crow. Right. Right. Yeah. She goes, I go... So yeah, all right.

Call it. Call the number. Call them up. She's like, no. What? No. I'm calling nobody. We're gonna heal it.

What? We're gonna nurture it back to... Get the fuck out of here. Lila wants to nurture a crow? Yes. So what are you doing? Are you keeping it in your house? It's still there.

Is it not still there? Wait. In your backyard? No. In our front porch. What? Yeah. It's now white.

The porch is white. Because there's poop. For the shit. There's shit everywhere. So she... We have... So we order fancy fruits. Don't tell me you order the crow fancy fruits.

No, no, no. Okay. We already had it. So we have Asian pears. I love Asian pears. You know, Mongolian apples. I don't like that. All right.

We have different kinds of specialized fruit. All Asian fruit. For us. All Asian fruit. For us. She's slicing it like sashimi. For the crow? Dicing it.

Yeah. Then she boils eggs. First of all... Crows don't eat eggs. Yeah. First of all, who the fuck? It's like me eating a boiled fetus. What the fuck?

I'm not gonna eat that. Right? Then she boils eggs just for the crow. Does she not boil the eggs? Yes. What the fuck? Fucking crow, right? Are they not...

And then she starts going... Now she ordered two books online about crow's intellects. No. Yeah. Crow. They're fucking... A fantastic beast or whatever the fucking books are called. Crows are omnivores.

Right. They eat nearly anything. They're like parents. She goes... They're like parents. She's watching Ted Talks on... They're like parents. They recognize...

They... The mirror test. They pass the mirror test. They're smart birds. Okay. They are smart. Okay. And they eat everything.

All right. But let me say something. Except for Asian fruits. Look at that. Says it right there. Yeah. When you're... Okay.

When you're... Make boiling eggs. Dicing up Asian fruits. Right? Giving them... Also, I guess they like cat food, but I get the really fancy kind. Little... What's the fancy kind?

Cat food. There's an expensive and a cheaper cat food? Yeah, yeah. The, you know what I mean, the high end cat food for my cats. What is it? From... That's what it's called. But it's like chicken.

What makes it nice? It's dry. It's kibbles. I have wet food too, but you know, the kibble. The nice kibble. Kibble is better. So with the kibble in there, right? And water.

Not just faucet water. Filtered water. Fucking Fiji water, fucking bitch. Well, you gotta... You have to... No, Fiji, fuck a water bitch. You have to feed it Fiji water. Right?

Then she goes, look at the cro... Then she puts on... You know what she does? She puts on the fucking Beatles. Blackbird. Blackbird. Fly. And she's...

We're both... Did I weep? I weeped a little bit. Blackbird singing in the dead of night. Right. That's a great fucking song. If... It was the house that I grew up in.

My dad? Mm-hmm. Booty! This is where my dad would go. Chup, chup, chup, chup. That's him chirping, my dad. That's him going chup, chup, chup, chup. Booty, come here.

And the birdie's up. Right. He would grab it by the neck, right? You know that Olympic sport where they take the ball and they... Yeah, the shot put? Yeah, the shot put. Yeah. He would shot put it into the air, right?

And then you would hear a large thud in the middle of the street. He'd just throw it. That's how my dad would have handled it. Right? So she... So now it's day what? Five or six? Five.

It's day five now. Right? You would think that the crow would be like exercising, right? Mm-hmm. Trying to mend, you know what I mean, his shit. No, he's comfortable now. No. He's lounging.

Yeah, he got a little lounge chair. Right? He's lounging, eating the fruits. Best food he's ever fucking had, by the way. Yeah. Right? Fiji water. Oh, it's purified.

Right? There's antioxidants in it. Right? Just hanging like this. Mm-hmm. It's gonna be with us forever. Leonard... There's no fucking reason now.

Here's my idea. Yeah, he's not gonna leave. Yeah. You want my idea? Mm-hmm. And they both rejected my idea. What? I have three cats.

Right? Yeah, I got it. Right. I pick up Ming, the oldest one. Jesus fucking... When I lived on Beechwood... Mm-hmm. I'm in trouble for this, but I got in trouble for this.

But what I would do is... This is before I had the other two cats. Because Ming was so born, because we had no other animals. Yeah. So I would go and get the fancy bird food. I lived on a third... Three stories up. Mm-hmm.

You've been to my place. Yep. And I put fucking bird food. Right? On the railing of my balcony. Oh, Ming. I put... I know.

And I would put the fucking cat out there. Right? And one of these little birds in me would... And just fucking grab him from the air. She's fucking vicious. Wow. Yeah, she's the bad. She'd drag it back into the apartment,

and now get in big trouble. Yeah, get in big trouble. Fucked up. It's so fucked up. It's fucked up. So you're gonna let Ming out to go say hi to the crew? No, so what my idea was is that... No, I wasn't gonna do that.

That's cray cray. Oh. An animal. What you did before was a cray cray? No, I apologize for that already. Okay. Okay. I apologize.

What I would do now is pick up Ming. No food water, by the way. Yeah, no. I didn't know food water. Go, you're not gonna die, but we're not gonna give you shit. Yeah, you get nothing. Right? Pick up Ming.

You knock on the window. They named it Leonard. That's another thing where you're in danger. Honestly, that's a great name. It is a great name. Yeah. But it's danger. Like, you're gonna see it again.

Well, yeah, it's not gonna go anywhere now. Right. So I would knock on the thing, not call it Leonard. Hey bird. Right? Chirp chirp. Point at Ming. And go three days.

You think it knows days? Yes. You have three days. Three days. Yeah. What if Leonard goes like this? Fuck you. I don't know.

What would Leonard would do? He'd be out there exercising. Oh, you're ready to fly away. Getting his shit. Getting his shit. Because he knows he has three fucking days to get the fuck out of there. I think you should write it. Write.

Write it on the window. A big three. Wipe it off. Or hire Amy Adams from the movie fucking, or The Arrival. Right? And bring up a board. Let her talk to her. Right.

And do it like some sort of communication kind of thing. She must know how to do it. She must know how to do it. But that bird would be out of there. Now, Leonard is here to fucking stay, my friend. Yeah. Are you happy about that, Root? Yeah, she is.

Well, you love Leonard? Yeah. He has another thing that they've done. Hmm. She, they go, watch this now. They go to the balcony. They go like this. Or it makes some sort of noise.

You know what Leonard does? Yeah. Communicates back. They're buddies. They have a language now. Yeah. I love that. When I go out in the balcony, that's not what happens.

He starts hopping away. He wants to get away from you. Yeah. Yeah. Because he knows what you've done. I'm smoking too. And I'm giving him a sick guy. Oh, don't do that.

Don't do that. Don't smoke in front of the bird. Oh, fuck you. The birds. They don't like smoke. It's my house. No, it's not. You need to get those back.

My eggs. I know. But now we have this fucking black crow named Leonard. Hey, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. Jesus Christ. Yeah. We have an Afro-American. We have.

We have. We have. We have an African-American crow. We have an African-American. Crow. Crow. And he lives on our balcony. And I don't know what to do.

Andrew, help me. I'm not. I really like Leonard. I like the idea. Help me. I need you to help me. Jules, what do you think we should do? Well, you asked me for help and I would help you, but she's here.

I know. So Jules, Jules, get closer to the mic, right? If Leonard doesn't leave for another week, what do we do? Let him stay. See? You let Leonard stay. Inside. No, because the cats.

Yeah, but then you got to let him fend for himself. It's got to learn. It's got to learn. That's how it works. Yeah. So I have a fucking black crow now I have to take care of. African-American. African-American.

Crow. Crow. Bird. And you're giving it Asian fruits. Yeah. Maybe I should give it. What's that now? What?

I'm going to show you a clip. Barbecue. Look at it. Bobby sent me this. This is the precursor of the slap fights. This was on who's Instagram was this? So one of my favorite UFC fighters is Derek Lewis. Oh, Derek Lewis's Instagram.

Yeah. Look at this. This is a great clip. Hold on. Okay. All right. First of all, let's number one. This is called slap for cash.

Yeah. When you have a stripper pole in your living room, that's a good thing. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good thing. Yeah. This is cash on the ground, obviously. Is that cash? Yeah.

That's money and he's going to slap this man. And if he can take the hit, he's going to give him money. Yeah. He's going to take a slap for cash. Are you ready? I am ready. Oh no. Oh my God.

Are you okay? Are you okay? I'm going to start. Are you alright? Oh my God. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay.

I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay.

Oh my god. You're crazy. I'm trying to feel my belly. I'm trying to feel my butt. I'm glad I didn't slap you. My head is bleeding. You're so crazy and you're like half dead. That's real blood.

Slap or cash, question. Fuck everybody, but love is love. Or holy shit. Wait, where are you bleeding from? That's acne. If you have back acne like that, get on fucking... Where are you bleeding from? Oh, that's acne.

He hit him so hard his acne broke open. I love it when people get hurt. And then they try to pretend they're not. They're trying to pretend to be super tough. Look, he took the hit, but I gotta tell you, the sound he makes when he gets hit is one of the funniest things on earth. Listen to this.

Listen to how funny this sounds. Do you know why? He went through a black hole. He's time traveling. He traveled through time and space. This is so fun to listen to. Look at this chick's face. Oh my god. What did you think was gonna happen?

Look at how big he is. This guy's gotta be 350-400 pounds. You think this guy doesn't have a fuckload of inertia and energy behind him? No science. Before you let a guy like this hit you in the fucking face. Also, what else do you notice about the video? Pause it there.

The flattest ass that chick has. Wait, what? Let me see. Her ass is flat. Well, that's also very funny. There's a girl just spinning on a stripper pole. Look at this. This girl's spinning. As this guy's about to get fucking knocked into another universe,

this girl's just spinning on a pole and vans. I just love this sound. Sorry, one more time with the sound. Never mind the fact, by the way, that the worst sound is his head hitting the wall. His head hits the wall. That's how he starts really bleeding. Listen how hard his head hits the wall.

Oh my god. Holy shit. The wall is... Listen how loud the wall is. Oh, look at her. Hey, can somebody make the remix of this? You know that? You know that?

People have remixed that fucking song that... Oh, the girl's had to go like this. Yeah, definitely. There ain't no holla back, girl. This sounds like the beginning of that when he hits the fucking wall. Listen. Oh my god.

Oh my god. Oh my god. He could have died, dude. Yeah, well, look at his head almost hit the fucking... I mean, the baseboards. The edge on that could have cracked his skull. Also, this is the internet.

If you slapped me... Like that? If you slapped me as hard as you could, what do you think would happen to me? Honestly? We'd have to take you to the hospital. We'd actually physically punch you or slap you? Yeah, yeah.

I mean, you would certainly make the same sound. Yeah, I don't think I would. If I hit you, you'd sound just like this. You'd be gone. Oh my god, I would be gone. If you hit me, what would happen? We'd just keep talking. We'd just chat away.

We'd just chat away. This is the new age of the internet, though. This is the kind of stuff that our parent generation doesn't know exists. What does that mean? Which means that this shit was going on behind closed doors. Yes.

All this shit that we're watching now on the internet... People just did it in their basement. Yeah. Lighting their dick on fire, stapling their nuts. You would see them at work. Hey, Bob! Hey, how's it going? Hey, Billy. Weird weekend. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What happened to you this weekend? Something unusual happened? Meanwhile, that was happening. I can't get enough of that. This girl's sucking on a sucker. Holy shit, I didn't think that was going to happen to you. I know. Speaking of weird fucked up weekends...

What happened to you? I went to a wedding, a backyard wedding. Honestly? Yeah. I'm thinking it's a small wedding. It's going to be nice and casual and tiny. It was only a couple of people. People that were here and then they zoomed the other part of the wedding. I was like, this will be quick.

You know what I mean? It was a family. It's the family of my buddy's wife. And... Ceremonies, whatever, we eat dinner. And I'm thinking, we should probably get out of their house. Time to say goodnight. The fucking parents are ready to turn the fuck up. The most fun I've had.

Dude, we're dancing, we're drinking. We go into this other part of the house. Are you social distancing? Yeah. Yeah, no, we are. How are you dancing? And then we smoked weed together. And that was fun.

Were you smoking weed? Social distancing. Yeah, but I was roach pinching it. So my lips didn't touch it. Yeah, yeah. So you're at a wedding. A backyard wedding. And you're smoking weed with the dad. With all the elders.

Getting baked out of their fucking head. Literally, verbatim, he goes, I haven't smoked weed in, I don't know, 20-some-odd years. And I was like, oh my god. I was like, this is going to be fucking incredible. The first thing, after we're all laughing, having a good time, we're getting high, we're telling stories and chatting. The guy who goes inside of his house and immediately changes into shorts

and like a comfy t-shirt like that. And sits by the fire and is just roasting marshmallows. And that's his way of saying, get the fuck out. I'm really high. No, no, no, we were all roasting marshmallows. No, no, we're making s'mores. That was his way of being like, I'm comfy. Leave me alone.

I'm going to eat marshmallows. Have fun. It was such a fun day. How long did you stay there for? Hey, we were there all night. And then I walked home. Yeah. Oh, so it's in the neighborhood.

On this side of town. It's on my side of town. I walked home. Sherman Oaks. We're in Sherman Oaks. Bob. Giving away locations. You guys want to know Bobby's address?

No. 131264. Yeah. Bake Ridge Lane. And Rudy's address is 1364. And a half. Bad, bad Rudy girl Lane. Yeah.

She's also ordering fucking furniture. Who the fuck do you think you are? A dresser came in yesterday. Did it really? Yeah. So how do we, you know what I mean? I had to get a Mexican dude to come over. The way you said that.

A Mexican friend. I had to get a Mexican to get over here. A couple of Mexican fellas. On TaskRabbit? Do you use TaskRabbit? And they helped me bring it up to the thing. But she's like ordering shit online now. What do you pay them to help you build stuff? How much does it cost?

It was like a hundred bucks or something. To help you build a dresser? And whose dresser was it? It was at the Calaiso. She ordered it. She's just been so snooty around the house. Has she really? Yeah.

Now she's now so comfortable with me. She's just like making faces. You know. Like she'll look at the thing. Like a mess. She's sick of it. Yeah. The trash.

She's just tired of the bullshit. Tell them about the maggots. Maggots? What do you mean? You have maggots? No, I don't have. We've been seeing maggots in the house. Do you guys leave food out? You leave in food out to get maggots?

How long that would take to get maggots? That's crazy. Why are you doing that? You're going to have maggots in your house? It's not like I'm fucking creating a maggot farm. Kind of. I know, but it's purposely. I want to discover. I know that we have trash cans.

And behind, I'll just throw in like a pizza or something. And the pizza will go back there. Oh my god. Yeah, and there's the maggots. You live there? And then it's so funny because I make her do all kinds of things. I know. Like I hate what yesterday I go.

Hey, there's some beef. There's some beef chunks on the ground. Clean it up. You just put them on the ground? No, it was dog shit. You saw it first! Oh, you saw it first, so you have to clean it up. Whoever saw it first has to clean it up.

Isn't that the rule? You spotted it, you clean it. Do I treat you like a mean parent, do you think? Worse. What do I treat you like? I don't know. You're fun. That's the word I wanted. Tito Bobby's fun. And tell everyone, get closer to the mic.

You lift it up a little bit so that, yeah, and get your mouth close to it. She hates the microphone. Do you love your Uncle Tito? Yeah. Say I love you, Uncle Tito. I love you, Tito Bobby. This is like real abusive.

It's like creepy as shit. It's like you're grooming her. Oh, that's the other thing I saw too about Epstein's girlfriend. They made like a little short documentary on her. They put it up on YouTube. Epstein's girlfriend's name. Stop it. We did this last time. He's the perv.

What's her name? I don't know much about him. I know that he had a sex ring. Lolita Express. Take kids on a plane. Bill Clinton. 26 times. Whoops.

26 times. They were like, he never went there. The pilot log. 26. How do you say 26 in other languages? 2006. 26 times this guy. What is...

Honestly, this is the honest question that I have. Why do people have sex with kids? What is the allure though? Of kids? Because you can tell they're kids. Yeah. It's like I was watching this like 90 day...

It was not 90 day fiancé. It was like some sort of like marriage show. Like a marriage at first sight? Marriage at first sight. That's what it was. You know where the guy was like a black couple and the guy was like, yeah, the girl was a virgin.

It just kind of turned him off. I get that. That she was a virgin. Yeah. As an adult, you want a mature woman that is sexual, right? Yeah.

Why would you do that to a child? What is the allure? Is it control? Usually, not to get down on the show. It's really sad, but usually it's because they were sexually abused when they were kids. Most sexual abusers, yeah, they keep it going. Yeah. So most of the time they were either sexually abused themselves

or... Or they like tight pussy. I mean... That's it! You know what I did say though? You know what's so fucking... You know what's insane? When they were pedophiles when we were kids... Is that how I just said that?

When there were pedophiles when we were kids, it almost made me so grossed out and mad because you're like... Ew, dude. We're like little nasty weirdo, freako kids with like braces and acne and we're dirty and we stinky.

And then you see kids today and you're like... These kids are all trying to be sex stars when they're like 15. It's no wonder that pedophiles are like... I didn't know she was 16. It's like, yeah, because these fucking kids pretend like they're 30. They're the creepiest shit on earth. I fucking...

I have... Gianni's helping me with a tiktok account and sometimes I'm thumbing through tiktok and I see a girl and I go... Jesus, fucking crap. Like, Teddy's out all this shit and then it says on their bio, 16. I'm like, why the fuck... Teddy's out.

These girls on the internet are like 15. They act like they're 40. You know what I'm talking about. It's fucking crazy. You look at it and you're like... This is like pedophile bait. Tiktok is like pedobeat. It's gross. It's fucking gross. Dude, if I have a daughter

she is not on tiktok with her boo-boos out and her puss-puss show in no way. Oh, if I had a daughter... Kill it. Kill it. She would be in one of those medieval armor suits. Yeah, what are they called? Chastity belts? No, just a full-blown.

Oh, like Chainlink armor? Yes. Like a full-blown Lord of the Rings. I'm fighting orcs. With a helmet and shit? Yeah. Because no way. Do you see that? Do you have tiktok and stuff? Do you see young girls that do like sexy ass shit all over it and they're underage?

Yeah, even like 11 to 12. It's fucking insane. Dude, you see it... We're the parents! They must not give a fuck. They must not know. 11 and 12 year olds and they're doing like sexy dances and shit in bikinis on the internet. It's fucking crazy.

Imagine the dad walking in when they're doing it. What's going on here? What are you guys doing? Get out! We're making a fucking tiktok! Mark! You know they call their dads by the first name? That's a new thing. Oh my god. Mark, get out! Mark! Dude, if I... You're my daughter.

Call me Bobby. Get out, Bobby! You're... get out of the house. I literally... get out. You're my father by his first name. Holy shit. Oh my god. He would have been like, what the fuck did you just say? What the fuck did you just say?

Oh my god. I'll be you. You'll be your dad. Ready? Yeah. Get out, Robert! Oh... What do you say? I said get out of my room, Robert! I'll be right back. You're gonna come right... Oh yeah, get out! Go away!

Then you would hear in the garage... You know what I mean? Right? With a wrench. Now I'm kidding you. A wrench. A golf club. Something other metallic, right? Okay, now... Lay on your belly. No, I'm not gonna do that, Robert.

You're gonna lay on your belly! He would take the fucking golf club, stick it around my neck. Right? Pumble me down, right? He would take the wrench and he would just twist my ears off of my fucking skull. Did you ever put a golf club up to you like that? My dad used to fucking take...

I shouldn't be laughing. Four blown swings to my stomach. With a golf club? Four! Four! Right? You know, all the wind would come up, right? Spit out blood.

I mean, fuck you, man. Would your brother get the same kind of shit? My brother one time, this is the funniest story. My brother one time, I ever tell you the story where he had a friend spend the night. No, I don't know this. My friend spent the night, my brother was about 12, right? My brother had this Casio keyboard.

And it was back when they had samplers too. Oh, yeah. My brother would go... Break up the samples, yeah. And he would giggle, right? My dad was taking a nap. My dad sleeps naked. Same. My dad opens the door.

He takes the keyboard. Then I come around to look. All you see is keys flying into the air over my brother's head. PAP! PAP! The keys, right? Everyone's crying.

And then my dad turns around and you know my dad used to sleep with toilet paper in his ass. What? Why? Because we both, we all have a thing. Leakage? Oh, yeah, you told me about the leakage. Yeah, it's insane. So he turned around, walked back, took a nap. You're fucking poor brother.

No. Don't do the fucking sampling sampling. No, stop it, he's just being a kid. I know, but my point is that this generation of kids now... Fucked. Fucked. They're fucked. Calling him by the first name is crazy.

What do you call your parents? Would you ever call your mom or your dad by the first name? No, they would get fucking pissed, huh? Her mom! That's like foreign discipline shit. Her mom! What? I can't say it.

But her mom. What? I've seen her mom go off on her. Did she call you any mean names or mean words? Um, stupid. Stupid? Did she ever say bitch? You little bitch.

Stupid is what they get. You little bitch. That's what I get. You know what I mean? Just crazy shit. You little bitch. My dad used to call me a little... You're a little fucking asshole. Did he used to hit you?

No. Oh, I got, yeah. I got hit, but not like you got hit. I got these. I've talked about that thing, the back of the head. I got those a lot. I got cracked in the back of the head all the time. But you know what? Every time I got cracks in the back of the head.

And which was a lot. There's something about your history, though. I did it. You know, now through your... through social media and through... I've seen photos of your family. I know your parents call you. Andrew, when are you gonna come over to the

4th of July and spend the weekend in Chicago? We miss you, honey. We miss you, too. Right, so you have, um... a really, you know, Americana... another family. And you have sisters, correct? One.

You have one sister? Yeah, I mean... What? You have one sister and... you have a really nice family with a bunch of... a lot of love. A lot of love. A lot of nurturing. Where does this come from, though?

What? You have this rage and anger and like... you express yourself as if you... you had some sort of like... difficult childhood. Where did that anger come from? My anger comes from... um...

Okay, my dad is very short tempered. And my mom can be... a little cold. So just because you see like... we do love each other, we do get along, but we're like any family. We have all sorts of fucking... fucked up shit in our bones. My dad and I fight on a constant fucking basis.

We argue a lot. We have a lot of anger towards each other. Differing of opinions of life, okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And my mom is a hard, tough... loving woman, but tough as fucking... Dude... if I was... not throwing up blood...

you were going to school. There was no like... I don't feel good. Those days didn't exist. My mom was like too fucking bad. Get the fuck... go. Fucking go now. That's the toughness. That's their attitude of life. It was like too fucking bad.

Oh, you don't have that? So what? Grow up. Tough love was kind of a theme of my house. Mmm. Too fucking bad. Oh, shouldn't it be better for you? If you have a child... My mom used to grab me by the arm.

If we were out in public and we were being brats... or just whatever. If someone was disabled or had like a limb missing or something. She would grab me by the arm and she'd point at them. And she'd go, don't you ever fucking complain again? Do you understand me? Do you see what these people have to live through?

I thought you were going to say, beat the shit out of that person. You could take them. She'd go, go attack that handicapped boy. No, but she would go, you shut your fucking... Whenever you complain, you little brat. Usually if I'm complaining or if I'm being a brat. You know, when I was a little kid. And she would go, don't you ever complain again?

Because he has to live like that. You lucky little spoiled brat. It was like she was very... that kind of stuff was embedded in my brain. Don't you ever complain? There's kids out there that don't have half of what you have. So you shut up. It was very much that. Which is healthy.

In many ways though. I liked my dad because he dealt with things differently than what American parents would do. Like for instance... Like hit you with a golf club? No, there's a kid that punched me in the face. Yeah.

And my dad came home early from school. I mean from work. And I came home and I had a bloody nose. And if you're a parent and you see your child like that. What do you do? You probably call the parents. Well, the first move is you make sure they're okay. Yeah, yeah. But then you would probably call the other parents.

Your son hit my son in the face. Your son hit my son. Don't let that happen again and whatnot. My dad didn't do that. So he saw my bloody nose. And he goes, what happened? I go, this kid, he punched me. Okay. Get in the car. So I'm like, oh, we're going to the hospital.

Right? And he goes, I go, we're going to the hospital? I'm okay. And he goes, no, we're going to find him. Right? So then I was excited. He's going to scare the shit. But then my dad picked up a hammer

in the garage. And then it slowly turned into we're going to kill him. Right? And we drove around the block for two hours. Trying to find him. Yeah, art. That's his name. Art. We're trying to find art. Luckily, I was praying that we didn't...

Yeah, because you were going to kill art. Because he would have died. Yeah. But then in my head, I'm like, oh, that's cool that my dad's like that. That's very cool. Yeah. That is very cool. Like old boy, yeah. My grandfather, this is my grandfather, my uncle, my uncle got punched.

He got fucked up. Okay? He got knocked out. He got knocked the fuck up. And he came home and I don't remember what family member told me the story, but they were laughing so hard. And he was the youngest, one of the youngest. The youngest. My grandfather, and he's on the porch smoking. And he's reading.

He's reading the paper. And my uncle comes up and he's all fucked up and you know, whatever. And my grandpa goes, what happened? And my uncle's trying to explain it and he's going, oh, I don't know. And you know, he's trying to tell the story or whatever. And he goes, come here.

And he grabs my uncle and he looks at his face and he goes, ah, it looks like you bobbed when you should have weaved. What the fuck is that? What does that mean? Yeah, he's like, ah, it looks like you bobbed when you should have weaved. Go inside. Put some steak on it. Yeah. Take the hit. Learn how to take the hit.

But you know, when you raise your kid though, when you have a child, I believe you're going to have one soon. Okay. The oracle? The oracle. Are you going to, what kind of parent are you going to be? Me? Aggressive. Are you going to be the same as your parents were? Well, I don't know. Ask my babysitter. She's right there.

I'm hiring you as my full-time babysitter and you're going to be a living nanny. That's why I want you. That's why I want you, Rudy. You think I want someone that's like, oh, hi, little baby. No, I want you to leave. I want you to leave the kids' places. I want you to neglect it. But will you ever discipline

your kids through hitting? You know, I don't want to put anything on tape. No, I think, I think I will, I will definitely spank and all that stuff. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not, I don't want to physically hurt the kid. You know? My parents never wanted to physically hurt me either.

I mean, sometimes getting smacked in the fucking head hurt bad. Yeah. Or getting jerked around by your arm. I just don't want my kids to have fear of me. Well, you, well, I do. I do. I think you should be scared of your parents. No, not like that. I think you should love them. Not like your fear. Yours is, yours is like torture.

Yeah, yeah. My fear was, fuck, I'm in trouble. Like, he's going to... Oh, that's going to happen. Well, that's the fear that you want in still. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then they can't go around calling you Bobby. Oh, yeah, that's going to happen. Whatever, Bobby! The first time my kid calls me by my full name, teeth out. He's getting, he's losing teeth.

And he's going to stay like that until he can afford to pay for new teeth. Yeah, you know, I think, you know, now that you say that, I think when you're having a child, I think you pre-plan in your head. What you're going to do? How you're going to do it. And maybe that's why I saw some of the reaction of my parents.

That they maybe made a deal with themselves. That they were not going to, you know, cross certain boundaries. Right. Maybe that's what some of that was. I imagine. Yeah. But everything changes. Every friend I know that has kids is like, oh, you think one thing and then it's totally different.

Yeah, because Delia's been texting me a lot. He's been sending me photos of his baby. Yeah, same. And he's saying, look how cute. And I go... It's so weird that it has like three arms. Do you know, is it like there's another arm that comes out of its shoulder? That's his dick.

Oh my God, that's a big dick. They put it around its shoulder. Yeah, dude. It must be Delia, dude. I saw the baby's dick. And I said to him, I'll even read you the text. I'll read you the text. I go, um...

What you say? I would go, um... What you say? Where is Delia? That you only meant well. Game cook, job. What you say? He goes, bro, have kids. I go, is it worth it?

Everything. And it made me teary. Because it gives you a new lease on life. Do you want a new lease on life? No, no, no. You want a new lease on life, Bobby? Family, you gotta have a fuckin' family. A bad friend.

Thank you for being a bad friend, family. Yeah. Yeah.