Bad Friends - Harry Potter Magic Boy and Rudy the Fairy Elf

Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, everybody. Guys, we're back on the road. East Coast. East Coast. We're doing Baltimore and Philly. By the way, we're already coming to Montclair and Port Chester will be in Jersey and New York, but they're totally sold out. But Baltimore, a few tickets left, Philly, a few tickets left, and Toronto, the late show,

Starting point is 00:00:17 the late show in Toronto has a few tickets left. And by the way, just want to say I'm sorry for after Toronto, we're having to reschedule Rochester, Northfield, and Pittsburgh. we're having to reschedule Rochester, Northfield and Pittsburgh. They're going to be scheduled to September. You can get your money back. Obviously, if you can't do it in September, but we're going to be coming in September. We're doing fall dates about to be announced.

Starting point is 00:00:35 But we have an rescheduled Rochester, Northfield and Pittsburgh to September 14, 15 and 16. If you want your money back, they'll refund your money. Otherwise, you can use it for the show. But we're coming to see you so Philly and Baltimore and late show Toronto. Come see us. Go to BadRansPod.com. BadFriendsPod.com.

Starting point is 00:00:52 You two are bad friends. You are these two idiots. Woo, my dude, an Asian dinner. You two are disgusting. I'll you two or something. The bad friends. Look, who's here? Look, who's here? Look, who's here? Disgusting Bad friends look Who's here?

Starting point is 00:01:07 Look who's here look who's here look who's here look who's here look who's here look who's here look who's here Look who's here. Yeah, oh Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Jules returns to fair friends. Let's give it up one time for Rudy Jules Welcome back Jack Poo beetle a little poob beetle little beetle hi Hi, she got her haircut and everything. Oh, she's got she's an American now, right? No boyfriend Oh, yeah, they've been dating for one year. Yeah College a white college you look white college all whites. Yeah, yeah, all white. It's an arian college. What's it called? Hey, that's what it's called. Yeah, yeah

Starting point is 00:01:54 What is it called? No, we're not gonna say what it's called. We don't want to say yeah She said she got recognized on campus if there was a hey Hey college. What's it? What's it like fraternity is a sorrows like? Hey college. What's it? What's the like fraternity? Is the sororities like the hazing must be crazy? That is you got to drink a drink a bucket of beetle poop beetle poop juice. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Ruby tools tell us what's going on There we go. This is where we're way for your stories We're so excited and I know you prepared a bunch of stories for the show. Yeah, tell us a story well I'm so excited. And I know you prepared a bunch of stories for the show. Yeah, tell us a story.

Starting point is 00:02:23 Well, during the spring semester, I was taking organic chemistry. Mm-hmm. And I hated that class so much. Like, I kept getting seas. Mm-hmm. Seas get degrees. Yeah, don't forget.

Starting point is 00:02:39 And I thought I was gonna fail. And so I was really stressed. So that's why I cut my hair. Because I needed like control. Are you, are you, are you also a version of cutting? Are you cutting? No, not cutting. Just cutting my hair.

Starting point is 00:02:52 Cutting your hair. Yeah, well that's what these, this generation, we, our generation, we were hardcore skin. Six, six, six, seven, five, six, eight. And that's like, that's like, so, um, so nineties. Yeah. Well, you know, we're old. Okay. For us and it's over. We're tougher generation. We are. Remind my generation above you. You're

Starting point is 00:03:10 several. Two, maybe. I'm not a baby boomer. You thought I was a baby boomer. You're a boomer. X. Whatever, boomer. X. You're a boomer, dog. I'm on the corner of millennial and what's the other one? I'm on the, what's the one between them? It's Gen X. Yeah, no, no He's Gen X. I'm a millennial and one more why Gen Y I think your ex I think Bobby is tried to sneak into your boomer dog. Don't try to sneak down by us 1971 is X look it up. I Anyway, he might be right. I am I already know I know what generation I am generation X generation X dude Pepsi Max. I was a baby. We're out to kill myself No, you know you live in a dream like you do you be live in a dream like so listen up here

Starting point is 00:03:53 Gen Z is she Gen Z? Yeah, listen up Gen Z You're going to school. You can't get seas anymore. How did you flip it around? I? Don't know I got like a more. How did you flip it around? I don't know. I got like a really bad score in the final, but I guess no child up behind. No, biology is it? Chemistry. Well, we know about chemistry. Sure we do. Yeah, you know about that. You and I got it. Yeah. Give me a chemical composition. You can composition it up. Let's hear. Give me a mineral. C6 H12 O6 whoa that's my phone number No, that's Bobby's age on his dating profile. Yeah, so yeah, I don't know anything about chemistry pot I'm can you make math?

Starting point is 00:04:35 Yeah, you can with okay like you can do like stuff with the lab You do you have enough knowledge? No, not me. I don't know, you give us the knowledge. We have the lab. Yeah, we got the lab. I have the lab procedures. Wait, what's up, stop, what are you saying? Like, we have procedures and we just follow. Oh, and we can, where is it at?

Starting point is 00:04:55 I have at the house. At your house. I'll just give it to you. Bring it here. Bring it here, we'll make math. I want this studio to be a math lab as well. That back room is huge. And it's got a ventilation system. Now we won't do it. Yeah, we won't. No, we won't. No, we won't. So you

Starting point is 00:05:10 learned what in chem? I told you, I don't know anything. I hate the class. How about this? Can you make cyanide? Is that chemistry? What's the thing that melts people's bones? That's the one we want. You know where they melt people down? Did they tell you that in class? Yeah, but I don't know. I don't remember the name. That's the, you know, you know, that guy that dipped it. You can, you can, oh, lie. Yeah, lie, boiling temperature, water, lies.

Starting point is 00:05:32 Basically, they alternative name for highly strong base, NAOH, historically KOH, but using high concentration of lie, human body can melt. We can melt a body in lie. To fight club. Huh? Fight club, what are you talking about?

Starting point is 00:05:43 Fight club, that's right. Oh, you had lie on the hand. Hey, can you get us? Yeah We can melt a body in lie. To fight club. Huh? Fight club when you put it. Oh, you had lie on the hand. Hey, can you get us some N-A-O-H, baby. I'll steal it for you. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:05:54 That would be a good like villain name. N-A-O-H. Lie. Oh, lie. Yeah. Is it Mr. Lie or Sir, or you actually just be lie it's got to be something yeah Monzue or lie Monzue lie or something like that. Oh, right. Is that good? What's a monzue or me? I think it was bun

Starting point is 00:06:18 Sir, I thought out there will see Julai And somebody at home who's an artist, please create a mongi or lie or peace and make Rudy in the background mixing the chemicals. So you'll be asked about lie real quick though. Why do you want it? Why do you need that?

Starting point is 00:06:33 You can melt a human body. Why would you need it though? Get rid of a body. You have one. I get it. You got it. Look. You cut me off in traffic in LA.

Starting point is 00:06:44 Mm. You're gonna end up in a bug at a wine. Yeah. No, I don't have one, but if you and I need one, just in case. Well, it sort of melts bone. It disintegrates an entire human body. Dogs too. You got some dog bones laying around. Yeah. Late night, late night snack. Cut it out. Cut it out. Cut it out. What about is battery acid? That's not chemistry. No, no.

Starting point is 00:07:11 Battery acid, you have access to. But you know, the kind you could throw on people's face. You could do that with a bunch of batteries if you empty double the batteries out, right? I don't know how to do that though. Well, she should know. You close, probably. Don't you know how to empty out battery acid? No. What the fuck are they teaching you in school? And what are they teaching you? I'm telling you, I can't know how to do that though. Well, she should know. Gloves probably don't you know how to empty out battery acid?

Starting point is 00:07:26 No, what the fuck are they teaching you in school? I'm not teaching you. I'm telling you I can't understand it. Old toothbrush dipped in vinegar. Elements use gets the job done. What is it? What? Wow. Old toothbrush. How to clean battery. I get gets the job done. That's a commercial. That'd be a cool old toothbrush dipped in vinegar. Get the job done.

Starting point is 00:07:46 Do you have, do you or someone you know have battery acid stains on your clothes? You can get it out. Yeah. Most you're lie to the rescue. That was that it was sat like in India, that was a way of like, you know,

Starting point is 00:08:01 they would throw it on battery acid on women's face. Women, who like, yeah. Oh my gosh, terrible. If you're wife, right, way of like, you know, they would throw it on battery acid on women's face. Oh my gosh, terrible. If your wife, right, it's like, if the woman like fell in love with somebody else or like left you, they would, yeah, they would throw battery acid on the same. That's, it's disgusting. Would bleach be the same as battery acid?

Starting point is 00:08:19 Bleach and battery acid are not the same. No, not at all. Like the pain. No, I know. Have you ever gotten bleach on your skin before? No. No, it's not painful, it's just kind of stingy. It's stingy.

Starting point is 00:08:29 Battery acid eats your skin away. It like, ffff. Show me somebody who has that battery acid on their face. No, no, no, I want to see it. The all teens to learn. You got to teach her. The school's obviously not doing anything. If you get battery acid on your skin, it's a tearier.

Starting point is 00:08:44 Look at that. It rips your skin off. You a tearier, it's your fit. Look at that. It rips your face. Skin off. You look at that guy. That looks cool on him though. See that's, that's months of your life. Yeah. And he catches revenge.

Starting point is 00:08:52 That one. Let's tell the tale. Oh boy. Oh boy. Whoa. Hey. Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute. What do you mean what do you mean what do you mean?

Starting point is 00:09:00 What do you mean what do you mean? That's Mr. Lai. That is Lai. And he removes your lie. He removes your lie. Yeah, that's him. And. That is lie. And he remodeled your lie. Mojoo lie. Yeah, that's him. And he removes the mask. That's not a mask. What are those things?

Starting point is 00:09:11 You just put fucking holding his eyes in place. No, I think I think that's like stuff he puts it on to moisturize it. No, there's like two lines going through by his ear and below his below his ears. Those are called glasses to give the skin in.

Starting point is 00:09:24 Oh, that's it is a mask, you're right. It's full on mask. Oh, sorry, bad. Don't insult monster your lies. I'm sorry. Monster your lies. But if that's cool, what a cool man. When he takes that off, what happens?

Starting point is 00:09:34 The kids are like, ah! Ah! Dude, you scare someone to death. Wow, what a, you know, I would get, probably get battery acid enough just to look like seal. Kiss from a rose? Yeah, that's a cool, no? That's what kiss from a rose was about him getting battery acid thrown on And that streets of Paris. Yeah, yeah by Montiola. I think all most of your life

Starting point is 00:09:54 What was that from? Was it just maybe like acting scars? Is that what it was originally from by the way this guy didn't slow him down even he married What's her? How do you clue? How do you clue come on you come on he killed it that guy unbelievable yeah still killing there's no way that's only song I know but so much I'm I can tell you so much you can say so d. l.e. is a disfiguring disease he had a disease man or guy the immune cells attack the skin from underneath creating inflammatory areas and scarring the scalp ears face and sometimes chest and arms Why what is he you know when they say Asians are yellow sure are

Starting point is 00:10:35 I don't look yellow you're not Asian I don't look yellow you're What is that? Jogajukhan, Jogajukhan, Jogajukhan. Jogajukhan, Jogajukhan, Jogajukhan, Jogajukhan. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is the kind. That's climbing a tree.

Starting point is 00:10:52 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, no. Oh. You are still, you're a darker, you're a dark yellow. Yeah. But why do they say, what are you saying? I don't look yellow. Yeah, you do.

Starting point is 00:11:04 We've gone over this a hundred times. The shirt that you're're wearing blends in I look like you're wearing a long sleeve right now I actually can't tell if you're in a long sleeve I'm sorry. There's no way no Here's the deal with they're saying is you have a hue to behind your skin like I have a red hue you have a yellow hue Fancy also has a red issue is a pinkish hue Pete has like a brownish hue Pete's actually more cool You do we didn't even talk about this. He don't beat his native. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:11:27 He is, no he is. That's insane. He is native. He's like 25% native. He's like that's not that's like. Tell him Pete, he did a DNA test. Yeah, Navajo. He's 25% Navajo.

Starting point is 00:11:38 That's like the what's the the the senator from mate? What's her name? The one that ran for office on fine steam. No, the one that ran for a contest. What? Bogachantes? No, no, he's that ran for office. I find steam. No, the one that ran for a Honda. What? Boga, Honda? No, no, he's talking about Elizabeth Warren. Elizabeth Warren, she's got 25% now.

Starting point is 00:11:49 No, she got like 5%. 2% in big. 2%? Was that even real? No, I have 2% I think. You do? Everybody has 2% native something. I wonder, I want to go back to see where that happened.

Starting point is 00:12:02 Like where you got the 2% in there. Snuck in. Yep. I mean, it just you weren't, hey, huh? Oh, it disappeared. Yeah. That's it. Gone.

Starting point is 00:12:13 Yeah, when did that happen? 300 years ago in your family lineage? Way longer than 300 years. The native juice. The native juices, native juices were flowing, I think thousands of years ago. Holy moly. Yeah, when we were all crossing over. You think thousands of years ago. Holy moly. Yeah, when we were all frozen over.

Starting point is 00:12:26 You were Navajo. That's right. That's the good kind. That's the best kind. Shout out to Navajo's. Our favorite. We established that. We established that. You established that.

Starting point is 00:12:35 No, they're all great. But of course, of course, of course they're all great. But so do you have, you know, native instincts? I would, I think so, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I guess our five C.O. Fancy is chasing. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:12:51 Let me say something. Fancy, try to grab them by the neck. See what happens. See, no, we know that's that is good. That's good. That's good. We should give them a basket of blankets. The basket blankets.

Starting point is 00:13:03 Oh, no. Oh, no, not a blanket. No,ets. Blankets? Oh, no. No. No, to blankets. No. No. What? Because I give you, I'll give you some smallpox. You don't put it on the blanket.

Starting point is 00:13:13 Put it on the side. Smallpox on the side. Yeah. No, we should have you, we have a basket. See how fast you can gather. Oh, yes. Yeah. That'd be very good.

Starting point is 00:13:21 That'd be a very good idea. Oh my god, he just did three baskets in 10 minutes. He's native. You need a for sure. God bless. It would take me years. He would fight a fucking shit. Well, your fingers are small too, to hard to grab stuff.

Starting point is 00:13:31 Right. Your hand looks like the claw from the claw machine, the game claw machine. Oh, that's right, that's right. Your hand's dropped. Yeah, it would drop everything. Rudy, who else is in class that you're having fun with? You have new friends now? I mean, what's going on?

Starting point is 00:13:42 I still don't have friends. God bless. No, you have new friends now. I mean, what's going on? I still don't have friends. God bless. No, you hate to. Who thought you wanted? Yeah, but we barely meet. And then I went to this Filipino thing with her. Oh, what a Filipino thing. It's like a secret meeting.

Starting point is 00:13:57 It's like a concert slash play and it was so bad. We hate whites. That's what they, we hate whites the whole time. It was a play a play and a concert a Play but I mean I would look to see all Filipino cast of Oklahoma That'd be insane Creme cup you guys do you should do the Filipinoantom of the opera. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my God, that'd be insane. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:14:27 This would be Oklahoma would be great to see. By the way, look at how many cast members in Oklahoma. That's just one Filipino family. Yeah, that's just one consecutive family. Yeah, that's one family. They had to cut out four family members. Yeah, just as to you. They didn't make the cut.

Starting point is 00:14:41 So your classes are what now? What's going on now? It's just summers. No, you're done, that's right. What am I thinking? What was the last couple of classes you did? Chemistry and math. You don't do either of those.

Starting point is 00:14:55 What do you mean? Five times four. 20. Six times nine. 54. Nine times nine. 81. That's enough. 42 divided by 16. No, don't do a divide. 54 9 times 9 81 That's enough 42 divided by 16. No, don't do a device. Well, then you're not doing college math. Yeah, you can do that

Starting point is 00:15:15 42 divided by 16. Yeah, sure. I can do it 3.865 Yeah, since I don't know the answer. I'm sure you're right. Give me a hand number. can do it. I got a little Alright 496 divided by 18.5 22.948 oh six five four I Ain't no you're one of those two whoa. Yeah, you're like you know, I know pie too You'll I can do pie forever 3.16 895 6427 4.96 496 8512 You know what you are 22 you're good Andrew hunting Are you good Andrew hunting? How do you like them apples? Wow, but I have a story. Yeah, well, thank you. Thank God. Okay, so I was at work and then this student called and he was like really distressed

Starting point is 00:16:04 Mm-hmm, and then he said called and he was really distressed. And then he said, oh, I have a late class that I didn't do, and someone needs to help me. And you're in the Dean's office? Yeah. And then I was like, I don't. I thought you were in, I'm sorry, Dean's office? She's working in the Dean's office now.

Starting point is 00:16:20 I thought you were in the bookstore. No, she's a snitch now. No, you're in the Dean's office. Yeah, and you met the Dean. Yeah, what's his name? Okay, whatever you like him. He's fine. He's the old. He's the white and old. How old they're all white and old like 60. Wow. That's not old that Bobby's 60, but he looks like old because he's white. Yeah, we get old and does he know your name? I don't think so. Okay, that's what we don't old. And does he know your name? I don't think so. Okay.

Starting point is 00:16:46 That's what I'm saying. What does he call you? Brownie. Yeah. Brownie come in here. Yeah. He doesn't say anything. He's never said hi to you.

Starting point is 00:16:54 He just says hi. But like, that's it. You're more famous than he is. That's what's right. That's what's insane about it. He should give you respect that he said. How many followers does he have on the gram? I don't know. If he had a gram maybe top 2000. Top tops.

Starting point is 00:17:09 Top tops. Maybe 15. Top tops. If he's fucking, if he's done some local community stuff. Okay, let me finish. Please. Okay. Okay, and then like I kept, I told him like, okay, let me just ask someone because I don't know how to deal with your situation. And he got really like mad at me. And he started like shouting at me just ask someone because I don't know how to deal with your situation and he got really like mad at me and he started like shouting at me like like why are you so incompetent like great do you know what you just did what how long ago was this two months ago you're lucky that is summer because that guy was you know that he was he threatened to shoot the school yes yes that's what I just fucking said the guy that calls you man scary was he threatened to shoot the school. Yes. Yes. That's what I just fucking said the guy that calls you man

Starting point is 00:17:46 I'm scary when he threatened to school the shit Shoot the school the shoot welcome back to school the shoot on this episode of school the shoot Sorry, wait, he said I'm gonna do it. Yeah, what did you say? The manager I had to transfer it to the manager because I was getting scared. That's crazy to someone's like, I'm gonna shoot this girl. Yeah. Can you hold for a second, please? The little fucking, fucking elevator. You say, so he threatened you, then you go, I need to transfer you to somebody else. Yeah, but before that he, he just kept saying, you don't know how to do your job.

Starting point is 00:18:23 You're so stupid. What is your job? Just answer the phone answering calls and transferring it. That's something you did your job. You hit your job Yeah, what are they paying? 1550 per hour dude. She was living on easy street over here And right anyone back attitude. It's insane. No, don't really rise.. Right? And now do you question your attitude? No. Whoa, so you're stubborn. You Filipinos are fucking stubborn. I love it. I love it. You'd rather do that. I love it. Then apologize. Why would I apologize? Yeah, bad girl. Yeah, 15, 15, an hour. Yuck. And you pay taxes. No, I don't because I'm a student. Oh, you're illegal.

Starting point is 00:19:03 That's right. You're an illegal. Whoa. never got so do they pay you every other week? No every month and when you look at the checker like How much is the biggest check you got? 700 700 for the whole month. Yeah, not how many days that's not how many hours did you work? I Can't work for like more than 20 hours a week. So I can only like the maximum was only like 14 hours. 700 though. Yeah. Wow.

Starting point is 00:19:36 Do you save it? Yeah. It's called it's called it's called it making you pay rent. No. Should. No. And we need to teach you about life. You've had it too good for too long.

Starting point is 00:19:47 Way too good. You have. I take care of the dogs. Oh, that's a huge. That's a huge. For a dog, you're supposed to. They're your dogs. They're your dogs.

Starting point is 00:19:57 They're my dogs. They're his dogs. Yeah, and he's not there. He's not there because he's busy making money to support you. Yeah. It all trickles down, baby. He's not there because he's busy making money to support you. It all trickles down, baby. It's called Reaganomics. Reagan talked about it.

Starting point is 00:20:11 It's all gonna trickle down. And you know what, you're living off the government for free because we're paying for you to be here 700 bucks a month. I actually think you should give us that 700. You all, whoa, whoa, whoa. We jump started your whole life. You're getting recognized on campus. You're floating through school. You're getting recognized. You're getting recognized. You're pushing jump started your whole life. Yeah. You're getting recognized on campus.

Starting point is 00:20:26 You're floating through school. Are you getting recognized? You're getting recognized? They're pushing you through school is because of us. You're getting recognized on campus. Yeah. I was working and like I was giving shirts around the campus. Look, bad friend shirts.

Starting point is 00:20:36 No. Oh my god, you should send her with a shirt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That would be cool. Butcherbox. I'll say this right now and this is a guaranteed truth. I'm a meat eater. I'm a meat eater. I'm a meat eater, and also yesterday I was driving

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Starting point is 00:23:46 Primero cojamos un tren a Zaragoza. Después cojamos un bus esta calatallón. No te lies. Este verano viaja de puerta a puerta y sin complicaciones con Bláblacá. Siempre encontrarás una cercana, incluso a última hora. Gracias de va tu próximo viaje. ¡Ya! Bláblacá, bláblacá.

Starting point is 00:23:59 ¡Sí! La Dienz ofus, sure. Ah. ¿Cómo se hace un malo? Sí. Y porque eran los graduateos, así que se lo hicieron. Oh. Yeah, the Dean's office shirt. Uh-huh. Who the fuck wants one of those? Yeah. And because they're graduates, so maybe they want one. Oh. Dean's office t-shirt? Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha Yeah, yeah, yeah, just the window and stuff. Yeah, it's a Gizrac. Yeah, 100% Gizrac. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:24:25 They should just write Dean's office Gizrac. Class of 20. And so you were passing out this fucking shirt. Yeah, and then you were like, not on it. No, they wanted it. Oh, okay. It's free. Yeah, it's free.

Starting point is 00:24:35 Okay. The way that fucking college kids love free shit, that's like worthless. They're never gonna wear it, you know? So then what happened? And then a guy was like, wait, are you a Jewel? I was like, yeah, and then he was like, wait, are you a Jewels? I was like, yeah.

Starting point is 00:24:46 And then he was like, oh, I'm such a huge fan. And then like my coworker was like, who was that? I was like, oh, it's just a class to me. Oh, you lied. Yeah. Are you embarrassed? You're humble. But then I said, there was another girl.

Starting point is 00:24:58 I said, oh my god, you're Rudy. I was like, yeah. And then she was like, I love the podcast so much. And then my coworker was like, wait, I was like, and then she was like, I love the podcast so much. And then my coworker was like, we are you in a podcast? Yeah. Well, did you tell them the truth, which is you're no longer on the podcast?

Starting point is 00:25:13 Yeah. Because you departed, you quit. And by the way, we didn't get a two weeks notice. So we can technically, we'll use this for your next employer. Okay. When they call, I'm gonna go, no, bad employee. Well, the truth is people are missing you on the thing.

Starting point is 00:25:26 Yeah, big time. Yeah, big time. And we're gonna get you back on. Do we miss her? I do. I do too. Whenever I'm with her, when I go to the house, she acts as if I'm furniture.

Starting point is 00:25:37 What? Yeah, you let the pizza Bobby and then use a walk into a room. No, we can't. Have we ever had a conversation? And they're for fucking hours. Because you're so weird. You're just like, you just keep, you're just like sit down in a couch

Starting point is 00:25:50 and then you just look so sad and then you just make noises. You know why he said? Because you're not talking to him. Exactly. You're in, you're, it's like losing my daughter in a fire. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:26:00 Or something like that. Or like a drowning. Or like an acid attack. Acid attack, yeah. But we talked about Hogwarts. Because it's like, you know, it's like, to me, it's like, what can I talk to this girl about? Right?

Starting point is 00:26:14 So I'm like, the state of affairs, no, you know what I mean? Things are going on the government, no. It totally knows Hogwarts. On the world, yes. I go, you know, slither in or whatever. And then you go, no, I'm this. Are you a Gryffindor? You know, first of all, you know I'm slither in.

Starting point is 00:26:33 You're a slither in? 100%. Hufflepuff, you know that. Andres is Hufflepuff. Why? I just feel it. Yeah, yeah. So what do you, Pete?

Starting point is 00:26:41 What's Pete? Gryffindor? Yeah, for sure. And me? Hufflepuff. I thank you. What do you? Ravenclaw. Yeah, that, so what are you Pete? What's Pete Griffin door? Yeah, for sure and me Hufflepuff. I thank you. What are you Ravenclaw? Yeah, that's right Yeah, that could be more true. My God Is that right on the money? Yeah, because it's all about colors commandx. That's right You know like when I played the video game right if there was just a kind of warmth to Hufflepuff the colors Slippering snakes and

Starting point is 00:27:04 To Hufflepuff, the colors, slither and snakes and it. And a- You never seen the movie. I never seen the movie. You believe you've never seen a fucking movie, a higher bottom movie? That's insane. Never, not one. What?

Starting point is 00:27:14 And yet here I am knowing all the bullshit you know. Yeah. Isn't that funny? The zeitgeist of those books and movies have infiltrated our society. So I know all of it. Like- But there's no curiosity. So I know all of it. Like. But there's no curiosity.

Starting point is 00:27:27 I almost know what too much. Right. Like it's almost like the music though. Yes I do. Sing the tune. Because I've taken my nieces on the ride at Universal. Sing me the Harry Potter tune. The main theme.

Starting point is 00:27:38 Yeah. Okay. Harry Potter Magic Boy Harry Potter Magic Boy How do you know that? On the ride they sing that? Yeah, they sing, you're just scrubbed it. Harry Potter Magic Boy. Yep. Just like the movies. Just like it. Wow.

Starting point is 00:28:03 And I know everyone's theme song. You do? It's Ron. Ron. Weasley nobody likes him. Just like it. Wow. And I know everyone's theme song. You do? It's Ron. Ron. Weasley. Nobody likes him. It's Ron. Ron.

Starting point is 00:28:11 Weasley. Nobody likes him. Oh, yeah. What about Hermione? Hermione, yeah. Hermione sucks. She sucks so bad. Hermione's, I think, was, it was like, it's weird to sexualize young people.

Starting point is 00:28:26 That's what it was, I think. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's it. Yeah. They make her like a sex symbol on that fucking. It's so weird. Not in the first movie. Okay, but everything I see of that girl, they do. But she after they were, I mean, I think they shot there when they were in their 20s.

Starting point is 00:28:40 Right. I don't like it. Okay. It's the same thing the way I feel about 11 from fucking Stranger things they like put her in like sexy clothes and all that stuff and I see on yeah, it's weird I was like what the fuck is this I don't like it, but I know all the songs from Harry Potter literally. I know oh Gandalf You know the Gandalf. Oh, yeah, yeah, you know Gandalf's in the movies. He's in the background. He's in the background. Yeah. What does he look like big? I'm Gandalf and I'm here to say Harry Potter. You are great. That's his whole thing. Yeah. Yeah. Is it headway?

Starting point is 00:29:18 No, Gandalf the great the great. He makes a surprise because he's's he can fly with those eagles. Yeah. Right. So he's in middle earth. Right. He said I wonder what hog works the college is up to. He flies on the eagle and he just stands in the back. So you barely see him in the movie. And that whole broom quidditch stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. The two catches a ride with Gandalf on the fucking bird or Hawk or whatever that is and they come and you know, he plays a little quick. I think it's a condor that they fly on. And the quidditch brooms by the way,

Starting point is 00:29:58 you know, those are like Sibians. What's Sibians? It's a little like a vibrating dildo. You know, they put it up their ass. That's not because you, when you see it, you're like, how would they stay on the broom? It's a little like a vibrating dildo. You know, they put it up their ass. That's how, because when you see it, you're like, how would they stay on the broom? It's the get, it's fart gas. Oh, it is?

Starting point is 00:30:10 Yeah. So it goes in your butt, right? You fart and it powers the fucking broom. You don't know that. Yeah. That's how it flies away. It's a fart gas, yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:30:19 And that's where the Mexicans come in. Because they eat re-fried beans. By the way, JK Rowling's gonna sue us. Yeah. She's like, let me tell you something. I may be a bigot, but don't you fuck up my books. Don't you fuck up the story of my books, but I read all of them.

Starting point is 00:30:35 We can come up with our own mythological tale just as good. Easy, JK. You ain't shit. We got it like that. We got it like that. We could do it, JK. We could do it today right now. Yeah, Nuchi the woodsman. That's let's start there. What about Gumbi me? You know, Gumbi me. Yeah, Nuchi and Gumbi me.

Starting point is 00:30:55 The right Italian guy. Exactly. And Nuchi, they live in the forest. Nuchi and Gumbi me. I want to be an elf. You fucking sure are. You sure are. Elf with the wings. You're not gonna be Nuchi. What's Nuchi? No, you sure are yeah, I was the wings you're not gonna be newtchi What's newt you're newtchi and I'm gonna be I'm newtchi. Yeah, I knew she and can bring in the movies that we're gonna write. Yeah, all right the fuck are we do why we write Hollywood baby newtchi and can be me and what's her elf name with wings? Yeah, that sounds right

Starting point is 00:31:21 We have to go back. We have to go to we have to go to corporate first Yeah, that sounds right. We have to go back, we have to go to, we have to go to corporate first. Amazing. Imagine the meeting. Yeah, yeah. Hey, so we wrote this new, you know, cause you love Harry Potter, don't you?

Starting point is 00:31:30 We love it. You love it. I love it. I made millions, billions. Millions of billions. Yeah, I love it. Theme parks, merchandising, accent, et cetera.

Starting point is 00:31:37 We have our own. Oh, please, tell us. It's on time. Okay. But we have Nuchi and Gambini. Wait, the two main characters are Nuchi and Gambini Gambini Yes, I love it. Yeah, but the sidekick of flying fairy. Oh, yeah, brilliant flying elf Same thing. I'm sorry my assistants here. Yeah, who is that? It's my assistant. Oh, right. Yeah

Starting point is 00:31:58 Yeah, she do you work in a Dean's office at a local college? Yeah, I feel like I've seen you before well You got the shirt. Yeah Yeah Yeah, you got to sit on. No, Chi could be be and who is this? This is um, changing. Interesting. Interesting. Yeah. And that's going to be here. Well, I mean, it can fly the wings. Oh, that's true. But can you, how about this? I'm a little hesitant because the it just it seems clumped. Yeah, what can we hear your voice changing?

Starting point is 00:32:28 That's it She sucks in air and gas. Oh, she doesn't speak. That's a thing because she needs the air to fly. Oh Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah it hits the steel body Ching, Ching, Ching, Ching. Oh, so it's more shing. It's more shing, the shing, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. Well, Ching, Ching sounds good to me. Right this movie.

Starting point is 00:33:15 Right this movie. You die though, don't you? In the first one. First one? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Second one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Second one.

Starting point is 00:33:23 Second one. I don't know, but there's flashback scenes. Yeah, you're in the other one. I'm dying the first one. You dying the first one, for sure. Second one. I don't know. But there's flashback scenes. Yeah, you're in the other one. With chinching. What's your superpower? Flying. Flying is not a superpower.

Starting point is 00:33:32 Yeah. Everybody flies. My wings can produce pixie dust to let other people fly. What? So you fly into a McDonald's, people are having a meal. You do pixie this Yeah, yeah, I imagine how good she'd go over it like gay nightclubs. Yeah, change

Starting point is 00:33:53 Here Yeah, yeah, yeah, we can do a flashback scene when there's like a little egg right yeah, that's what you come from right and it opens and People are in wonder meant and it'll have a sin That's it That's the beginning of the movie it's a big game The story of changing yeah, yeah born on a cliff. Yeah a golden mountain cliff a golden mountain cliff Yeah, on the 18th planet of our solar system, chinching was born. She fell down to the earth, her egg cracked open,

Starting point is 00:34:29 and she arose, a metal winged beast, an ugly, horrific creature, with a face that looked like it had been doused with battery acid. She's normal. She's normal or female. She's ambiguous sexually. And also very stupid stupid somehow so stupid

Starting point is 00:34:49 because every once in a while you hear Chong and that's you running into a tree. Chong, Chong, Chong, Chong, Chong, Chong, you're running her head. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I have glitter all over? Sure, sure, if your character has to put that on her face. I think you got glitter all over your face. But you and I, what's our main goal? I'll tell you what it is.

Starting point is 00:35:07 Yeah. You know, like Mario and Luigi, the only thing that upset me about that was, Mario always got the princess, until the latter versions, when they made you could play as Luigi as lead. Yeah. Why won't they, I want them to fight over the girl.

Starting point is 00:35:19 We're gonna fly fight over Qingqing. No, she's not. Oh yeah, yeah, that's not what I'm a sidekick. Yeah, all right. And barely that because you're dying the first episode, or the first installment. We're gonna have Titi trees. Just trees with tits on them.

Starting point is 00:35:33 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Couldn't agree with you more. How wonderful would a beautiful forest with just big tits? Big tits trees. Yeah, I mean, tits forest. And you can suck on it and like, you have something like milk tea or something delicious. then and then there's like a swamp of assholes

Starting point is 00:35:47 That's that would you know that would be a quick stand you fall into a bubble and for some reason they're women assholes right so they're not male Yeah, really so they're bouncy. Yeah, they're bound so forest of boobs in a swamp of assholes. What's my name again? Noobie what newtchi new. Nuchi. And what's your? Gambini. Gambini. Yeah, Gambini. We're Italian? I am.

Starting point is 00:36:10 Yeah, yeah, I'm not. Nuchi. Yeah, Nuchi. Yeah, you're Japanese. Yeah, okay, good. Yeah, and I'm Italian. Because Nuchi is a Korean word. For what?

Starting point is 00:36:18 Instinct. Oh, that's amazing. Thank you. What's Gambini? Look that up. Just say Gambini and Italians. It's a shrimp. No, no, that's, no. What's Gambini? Look that up. Just say Gambini and Italian. Let's rip. No, no, that's, no.

Starting point is 00:36:27 Came from a, particularly of the leg. Whoa. What is it? The surname Gambini came from a person with some peculiarity of the legs or a strange walk. That's, and that's a character thing. I think you did that. Yeah, dude.

Starting point is 00:36:40 My legs are just, yeah. Yeah. Like my legs are so long, they like go over my head. Almost spider-like. Right. So I have spider-like legs. I sit like that yeah. Like my legs are so long, they go over my head, almost spider-like. Right. So I have spider-like legs. I sit like that. These are my legs.

Starting point is 00:36:49 I have no arms. Gambini has no arms. Maybe can I be small? You're so small. And I live on, I just chill on your eyebrow. On one of my bushy brows. Yeah, and I'm just chilling. And I grab onto your bushy brow, as my handle.

Starting point is 00:37:02 I think you're one arm swinging. Oh, yeah, yeah. Because you want, G. G. Yeah, you know, as my hand. I think you're one arm swinging. Oh, yeah, yeah. Cause you want, G. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I knew G. And somebody's like, what did you say? I'm like, oh, nothing.

Starting point is 00:37:10 Yeah, oh, you're like Lenny from, am I a mad? Yeah, dumb. Yeah, very. I'm bright. You're the brightest. The brightest in the light. I'm the brightest in the light there.

Starting point is 00:37:21 Now, these roles are gonna be hard to play for us. Why? Well, You think we're reversing? Mm. That's fucking... But I do like it. Okay, good, good. Well, let me stretch my wings.

Starting point is 00:37:31 Let me, she's doing it for you. Oh, yeah, yeah, that's right. No, but let me, uh... Who's the princess, fancy? No. Why not fancy and drag? You know, it could be it. Like I tell you, when we did pictures of us role reversing as men and women, he was

Starting point is 00:37:44 one of the hottest girls in the studio Okay, I mean maybe during the whole movie Newtie right I'm dangling. Yeah, you'd be do you be dangling right and what's up, you know And I go I don't know why you like that fucking princess Right, she's pretty right and then what happens? we we go to the fucking you know me the castle Mm-hmm, and normally you know because there's like posters and paintings around you all over the capital And you only you only see yourself in like wait are we storming the capital? Newtien Gabini storm the capital in January

Starting point is 00:38:18 Yeah, but in this world January 6th. It's something different. Okay. Yeah, but we do go, you know, as a homage. Hey, we have to. Yeah, as a homage. But we, I always see you, you know, wearing like, you know, clothes and robes and stuff like that. But we, when we visit you, you're completely naked. Now, your face looks like the way you do now. But your body's, we're gonna see GI the fuck out of it. So hot.

Starting point is 00:38:38 And I see you, I'm dangling, and I see you with the hottest body I've ever seen. And then all of a sudden, I let go of your eyebrow. I got you. No. Cut your right in my toe. No, because now, already now, it's my goal to get her to. Oh. That's where we separate.

Starting point is 00:38:55 We separate. So now it's you versus us. And then we'll have a conversation, so come you know, hang on to my eyebrow anymore. Right. Well, that'll be, that's the end of the second act. OK. We know how this goes oh

Starting point is 00:39:05 Because in the end, you know, it's gonna end up happening. We're fighting for her love right in in the lava pits You know we're back in the lava pits oh turtle island. Yeah, we're back. We're back and let's stay away from total I'm okay. All right. I think this was gonna happen Let me just throw this as a fucking arc. Mm-hmm, right? So you finally get her. I got her. You're in bed with her. How are you? I already made love. No, not yet.

Starting point is 00:39:28 You're about to. And you go down, you know what I mean? To kiss her, Vag. Guess who's already there? New chief. New chief! New chief! Yeah.

Starting point is 00:39:40 And it goes to black. And there's like a little couch in her vagina. And you know what I mean? I'm already set up camp. You got a whole family there. I have a flat screen TV. I'm just chilling there. Playing, you're playing it down to swatching. and of the genre and you know, I mean, I'm already set up camp. You got a whole family. I have no have a flat screen TV. I'm just chilling there playing. You're playing it down to.

Starting point is 00:39:48 I'm ready. I fucked a princess. Fine. Yeah. Yeah. You get her. What do you think? You get the princess.

Starting point is 00:39:55 Yeah. And then Pete comes. What would it be? Oh, yeah. What does Pete play? Admiral. He's got to be like the. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:40:02 He's got to be a captain of some kind. He's not. He's half an be like the yeah, he's got to be a captain of some kind. Yeah, but he's not He's half an animal like a hippopotamus Let's make him we don't have to do much Sound familiar Pete Yeah, captain what do we call him? Bartholomew the hippo bottom puss. He has a bottom pus. He has a hippopotamus, but it's got a huge vagina sticking out. He's a hippo bottom pus. Is it beautiful? It's stunning. Is that then you fall over the ice to recall? Because I let you have the princess, then I get a

Starting point is 00:40:40 hippopotamus over there. And maybe in the second movie, there's a four way. How do I put that sounds like a great answer? Yeah, there's a four way. There's a four way. There's a four way in the second movie. And she's watching us from heaven. No, what? Yeah, that's right. She's dead.

Starting point is 00:40:52 And then God, or the the the the ethereal angel that that controls her in the afterlife says you have to go back down and stop this. So that's the third up, the third, the trilogy. You know, I don't want her to die in the first way. I'll tell you why, right? I would like in the four way. This is what I would like. Can I veto this? I want her dead in the first Okay, can I just heard this? I've seen idea though. Okay, but I do want to do in the four way right?

Starting point is 00:41:11 We're having a time and I'm shooting in inside I'm shooting inside hippos asshole You know the princesses vagina. You're every little I'm everywhere. Yeah, and fast. Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, so many times right but then all of a, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, then give me that word for it. No, levity's right. No, it's not because when she comes, we all float. Oh. And then we're like, Chinching. Yep. I want that to see.

Starting point is 00:41:51 What do you think, Chinching? I like it. Thanks. Now that we have the writers strike, I think you guys might have a chance. I was gonna say, I went out there, you know, I want to commend these guys and girls out there. They're protesting all day. And I've been egging them. I. They're protesting all day and I've been egging them.

Starting point is 00:42:06 I've been, I bought eggs and I've been egging them. And I got a sign. I got a sign. They hit it with a sign. Yeah. And I've been hucking at them. All the writers, I've been just overhand hucking it. I've hit two or three, but man, really commendable these guys.

Starting point is 00:42:19 It's gonna go on for a while. Yeah, good. Get their money, fuck it. Yeah. The business is full of shit. The amount of money that this fucking machine makes. Yeah. Also, I was saying I saw a guy today.

Starting point is 00:42:28 I can't say the name of him, but he was an actor who was on a famous show when we were young and he did, you know, it went for a while. But this is back when you can do one series and make a fucking truckload of money and never work again. He has, but he didn't have to.

Starting point is 00:42:41 Meanwhile, now it doesn't mean shit when you do a series. Yeah, do you think there's gonna be a sack straight after that. Sack straight after that. I said yes, I voted yes. They sent me the thing in the mail that said, do you wanna strike? I said, yeah, fucking strike, give us more shit. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:42:52 And also it's for benefits for people that don't make enough money that are struggling actors. Like, dude, these fucking studios, fuck these guys. They're all making so much money. All these big wigs are hiding behind these monolithic buildings of all this money in their look. We do give you guys, you don't give a shit, fuck outta here, give us more money, give us all the money.

Starting point is 00:43:09 We do all the shit, the writers do all the things, the producers, the directors, the actors, they make all the shit, so give them the money. Fuck you, Hollywood. Yep, yep, yep, yep. You want to protest, you want to go out there? Yeah, I don't know how. I know, you know what's so funny, is that? I don't know where to get a sign, I don't know where to go.

Starting point is 00:43:24 Well, the sign, the sign, you know what's funny funny? I know where to get a sign, I don't know where to go. Well, the sign, the sign you can, you know what's funny if we just make our own signs. Yeah. I mean, a bunch of riders have called me and go, yeah, let's, you want to go and I'm like, where is it? Just go walk around, you know what I'm saying? I never ask where, I just don't like, I ignore it. You go, I'll go there.

Starting point is 00:43:35 I'll be there. I'll do the next one. This is where you need a body double. That's right. Why could you, oh, that's right. To hire someone that's like, dude, Bobby was there. Yeah. He didn't talk to anybody, he was seriously upset.

Starting point is 00:43:44 That whole thing of Asians look alike, this is where it comes in a hand. Right. Right. In the situation like that. You call a Randall Park, send him down. He's probably already down there. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:43:52 No, he's already there. He's like, Bobby Lee. Yeah. I could bring, I could bring, um, Pay Randall half the day to wear a shirt that said, I'm Bobby Lee. That'd be cool. Mm-hmm.

Starting point is 00:44:01 Yeah. But I could find a fat Asian guy, maybe. That's not, you're not fat. Thank you. No who would I get Seth Green? Who's down there for me? He's so small though Ron Howard Maybe just in a hat. Yeah, you know what I mean Ron. I'm sure this is cocoon What it's so specific it is yeah, you know, Versa cocoon. I did do you see cocoon? No, she's Everyone I run with you cocoon. Yeah, everyone never saw cocoon. I did. Do you see cocoon? No, she's everyone in the room. We see cocoon. Yeah, everyone over 35 right It's cocoons such a good movie anyone watch who hasn't seen cocoon. I bet you so many people haven't seen

Starting point is 00:44:31 I've got the cones never seen it. No cocoon the movie not cocoon He's never seen it and he was a fucking film major. I'll see that old man to go to the right the very right. That's me the top That's me that dude right there when he shot that movie was 49 years old That's me that dude right there when he shot that movie was 49 years old Way that after was yeah, it's shut up one of the actors was I think that's the guy that was like 49 years old That's like your dean. Yeah, yeah, 60 looks 100. I forgot what coco was about it was about old people going to space It was about it was about preserving life of the elderly, but I think they were some of them were aliens, right? Yeah, yeah, right? So I'm on their aliens, but then I remember Steve Gutenberg wasn't it? The Goot.

Starting point is 00:45:06 One of the greatest. Right. You know old people. Let's talk about old people. No, we should watch more old people movies. What do you mean with old people, Lynette? Yeah, I mean, they just don't make it up. They tried that dude that one with Sally Fields, the football one with Jane Fonda.

Starting point is 00:45:20 Brady, the Brady one? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, 84 Brady. Can we have anybody see that? Yeah. You did? How? Why? Why are anybody see that. Yeah, you did how? Why why did you see that I was the first 20 minutes 80 for Brady? Do you even know what this is? I just want to support older people because I think I'm gonna I'm gonna get there right you're never gonna get there Well, I'm gonna be an 80 for Brady Brady part two. Is that what you're saying? Yeah, yeah, what do you mean?

Starting point is 00:45:42 What would your 80 no? Let me ask you, when you say I'm never gonna get there. You mean, I'm high profile. Yours would be 80 for Wayne Brady, and you'll have to go meet Wayne Brady. You would have a bunch of dudes who are obsessed with Wayne Brady doing improv. You know, you're never gonna work when you're 80. Why?

Starting point is 00:46:00 Yeah, I don't think you're gonna make it. You don't think I'm gonna make until I'm 80? Yeah, I know, I mean in the business. Oh, oh yeah, probably. Probably. Morgan and Morgan. Let me tell you something right now, but if I was in the accident, you know,

Starting point is 00:46:13 and I hurt my little back and my neck, you who I call? You call him Morgan and Morgan. I call Morgan and Morgan, man. Because I got new in accident, not too long ago, in my own neighborhood, you know why? Because in the year 2020, there was over five million car crashes, extremely common, 15,000 a day, 600 per hour. And we got in one.

Starting point is 00:46:29 I didn't know what to turn. I didn't know what to do. Do I need to get a lawyer? Do I sue? Is that a real thing? Do they have insurance? What will happen? Well, guess what?

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Starting point is 00:47:54 Room is the better way to buy your next ride. You'll never have to haggle or negotiate the price of a car so you know what you're getting, you're getting a good deal. You are getting a good deal. And the best part is when you buy a car on a room, you have a full week or 250 miles, whichever one comes first, to make sure you love your new ride and it's right for you. All the cars on Vroom.com come with a 90 day limited warranty and a one year of roadside assistance. Nationwide, giving you peace of mind while you're out and about on the road.

Starting point is 00:48:17 And Bobby's got a brand new car from Vroom. It's beautiful and wonderful. And he's got peace of mind knowing he's got protection from Vroom. Uh-oh, you can also trade in your old car when you buy your new one or you can even just sell your car to a room. When you sell your car on room, you get a price instantly and they'll even come pick it up. Here's the best part.

Starting point is 00:48:37 You can buy a car from room entirely online. Why not try it? Bobby did it and it worked great. So next time you need to buy a car, just grab your phone, go to room.com and check out thousands of cars. You think you're going to buy a car, just grab your phone, go to room.com and check out thousands of cars. You think you're going to work when you're 80 years old? But if I feel like if like Ken Jung Randall, part of the old die, first of all, those Ken Jung's and Dr. He's never going to die.

Starting point is 00:48:54 That's true. He's got the secret. It's Diet Coke. Apparently, tell me Diet Coke. He told me every doctor drinks Diet Coke like crazy. I said, really? He goes, dude, every doctor I know, six, seven Diet Coke today. Yeah, but okay, well, there's got to be B movies for old people.

Starting point is 00:49:06 I can be in those. The B movie Jerry Seinfeld did it. No, like, you know, what I'm saying is independent, like small movie. When an 80 I could do it for what? So what you're going to pay like 30 bucks to do in any movie in your 80. You're tired. You're never going to do that. You you, Bobby Lee will never.

Starting point is 00:49:20 I'll be doing dumb shit like that because I'm a loser. So we would think I'm going to retire somewhere. Where I'm going to be 100% where can I be a loser. So what do you think I'm gonna retire somewhere? Where I'm gonna be? Where I'm gonna be? Well, you're gonna, where were you retire? Probably down in San Diego. I can see you right now at a big cliff, a house on a cliff, overlooking the sea with a harem of beautiful women, right?

Starting point is 00:49:37 All in their 40s when you're 85 years old, and they all have like a calendar. They're like, is it my turn to rub your feet, Mr. Lee? That's what I want. Yeah, I see it. Peace. Peace and love. Peace and love.

Starting point is 00:49:50 Peace and love. Yeah. Where am I when I'm 80? You tell me. Oh, you? Yeah, where am I? Where am I living? What am I doing?

Starting point is 00:49:58 You are, believe it or not, please, I'm gay. I'm gay. Please say I'm gay. No, believe it or not, you were a, you decide to keep working, but not as an actor or a comedian. But you wanted to wear working, but not as an actor or a comedian, but you wanted to wear a uniform. What do I do? Well, you have a grandchild, right?

Starting point is 00:50:12 I have a grandbaby. You have a grandbaby. What's crazy about it is you don't have children. So I just have a baby. Yeah, that's what God is. It's crazy about, we don't know how. Got it. This happened, but you just one day say, I have a grandchild.

Starting point is 00:50:24 I sure do. We're like, you don't have any children. Okay. Yeah. So you think, yeah, but we don't know how got it this happened, but you just one day say I have a grandchild. I sure do. We're like, you don't have any children. Okay. Yeah. So you think yeah, but we don't know the history and we don't know the story, right? Right. Right. What's my uniform? You're the janitor at the kids elementary school. You make a joke. I've always wanted to be a janitor. That's why I know I know always I know if you see me with them up. Yeah, but you're like a wise janitor. Yeah. With the kids ask you questions. What's my name? I got to change my name to protect, you know, my identity. I can't be and Mr. Santino, the janitor. Your bad friends would be long and gone by that. Yeah, you're right. Yeah. No one's going gonna know what they call me. Mr. Sanny. Yeah. Mr. Sanny. Mr. Sanny. Sanny. What happened in your life, Mr. Sanny? Right. I got one

Starting point is 00:51:14 day, a good old Asian friend of mine. Here we go. Wanted to start a show. I started a little show. It was a radio show back when people used to listen to people talk and that little Fucking noodle Schemed and scam me sold the company years later and now he's retired. Yes Noodle is offensive What to what to what to whom I mean, you know, it's just we these generations later We're farmers sensitive This stuff like me. Yeah. Yeah. So this is reframe this little dumpling. I started a show

Starting point is 00:51:56 Me yeah, yeah, just move on. Okay, dumpling Listen up be a little I didn't like World War three Yeah, we don't know there could be a world 100% yeah, there could be there what do you mean there will be a World War three That's so interesting to me and you're you guys are gonna have to fight in it Well, I can protest say women should stay in the house. Oh Reverse feminism. Reverse feminism. I like this.

Starting point is 00:52:27 Because you think women shouldn't work. You said to me, you said to me, you said to me, you said, Tito and your women shouldn't work or vote or drive. No. She said that. No, I was saying if it's World War III, then I'm gonna say that.

Starting point is 00:52:42 Yeah, but if it's World War III and you want equality, then everyone has to fight. Yeah. You want it's World War Three and you want equality, then everyone has to fight. Yeah. You want equality? No. You don't want equality. If it's World War Three. So you want equality, unless it's World War Three.

Starting point is 00:52:52 Got it. You think World War Three is gonna be fought on the ground? I don't know. No, it's going to be another version of COVID. It'll just be a biochemical warfare. It'll be biochemical warfare. Yeah, it's a lot of time. And it'll be put in our fucking...

Starting point is 00:53:04 Yeah. We'll all have to Drink bottle water because the sink water will kill all of us imagine being the front lines though How scared you weren't a fox hole if it was real war yeah us three in a fox hall and there's Right and we're just in there, you know, it's okay Rudy you get up there and look first no, I'll just kill myself Okay Rudy, you get up there and look first. No, I'll just kill myself. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You know what? Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:53:27 Good idea. Point your guns at me now. Yeah, yeah. What would you do if you were in a foxhole with us? I'll just kill myself. God, come on, you better. That's not your instinct isn't to do that. It's just survive.

Starting point is 00:53:38 But why would I go through that and then just have PTSD and just have the worst life? Because you're a light. No, you know. No, no, no, no. People sometimes experience that have great lives. You can do EMDR, there's other ways to deal with trauma, you can do it.

Starting point is 00:53:51 You can do DMT. You can do DMT. You can do ayahuasca, you can get back, you can get back, you can get back. Okay, I won't kill myself then. This sounds like a lie. Yeah. This sounds like you're gonna do it.

Starting point is 00:54:02 Give me your gun. Yeah. Give it to me. That's not a gun. Give me your gun do it. Give me your gun. Yeah, give it to me. Everyone that's not a gun. Give me your gun. Please Give me your gun That's exactly what you do and she'd kill you and me and then go those idiots that I was gonna kill myself and then she jump out of the Fox You know what I would have to take your gun until we're spiting I

Starting point is 00:54:20 Can't trust I can't sleep and then because every time we wake up you probably have the fucking gun to your mouth. You know what I mean? Right? And we have to like I'm creeping it war. Rudy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. By the way, can you imagine me, you and her at a campsite, right? We made it through the first night of war. First night of war is done. We get a campsite. Well, we're camping. We're out in the wild. We're on the run. Dude, it's on. It's all every person for themselves. We've decided to team up, us three, and we've used them. So we've run away from them. What do you call that? We're, uh,

Starting point is 00:54:52 deserters? Deserters. Yeah, a hundred of our, what do we, you, you, you, you, you, you're not staying with the past. That's so fucking offensive to even hear that. You would 100%. I would fight for my nation. Nope, you would leave.

Starting point is 00:55:03 I would, you know what, I'd be confused. What direction? So you would, listen. I would be confused at what direction to go. So listen to Gambini and fucking Gumballini. The only way I would do it is like, you know, you would go, let's go with the, with the children. I think this is a better way around.

Starting point is 00:55:19 Let's get them from behind. Really what we're doing with deserting. Yes, we're tracking them. We're going to go look. We're going to go look. We're going to go around infiltrate on the behind. Smart. Yeah, yeah, right? Where we really headed.

Starting point is 00:55:30 What? Where we really go. We're really going to like Boston or something. I was going to say let's go to Mexico. Oh, yeah, Mexico. Let's go to Cabo or something. Yeah, we're going. We're going.

Starting point is 00:55:39 No, that's why I'm not the leader. Yeah, I mean, you leader. Yeah, we're going to Puerto Vallarta. Okay, we're going to go to Mexico. We want to go to beach area. Right. So that we can live there. What if the words in Mexico though? The word is definitely not the leader. Yeah, I mean, you leader. Yeah. We're going to Puerto Vallarta, okay? We're gonna go to Mexico. We wanna go to beach area. Right. So that we can live there. What if the words in Mexico though?

Starting point is 00:55:48 The words definitely not in Mexico. The war is going on in Mexico right now, but it's not our war. Okay, it's not our war. This war is going on on US soil. Yeah. It's on the United States and it's everywhere. And we're running south to get to Mexico,

Starting point is 00:55:58 to go down to Puerto Vallarta. And let me tell you something. First night, we made it through. Rudy killed a bunch of people. She's feeling weird about it. The fire is bubbling. I'm making food. You're playing Bobby's just crying. He's crying. Why? I feel like you do that. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:56:15 You just say I don't like seeing dead people. That's right. I don't like war and I imagine you drawing something in the sand like playing a game in the sand by yourself. We are drawing a farm. Yeah, I'm drawing a little farm the sand like playing a game in the sand by yourself. We are drawing a farm Yeah, I'm drawing a little farm. You're starting a valley. You're starting a valley sand Yeah, and I say you guys we have somebody has to stay up at night to keep the fire going who's gonna do it? Well, she's gonna say she's gonna do it, but it's gonna go out in the morning Mm-hmm. Yeah, and guess what we freeze to death we die first the fucking first night. We in Mexico. We freeze it up On the way down. Boston, maybe. No, on the way down.

Starting point is 00:56:46 We freeze it at the middle of winter. Okay. Okay. Okay. And we're naked. You have to fight naked in World War Three. Oh, I see. Closer and you can't do close.

Starting point is 00:56:54 Yeah. But naked warfare. We would have to pillage. Where are we pillaging first? Like, because if there's a war in the United States, I'm sure there's going to be a vans that's on fire. Yeah. We'll just sneak in.

Starting point is 00:57:04 I think it john's for sure. Yeah, we get a john's right. And then I'll go wouldn't be fun to like, and you know what I would do. This is how I honest I am. I still pay for it. I put a couple hundred dollars on the counter. You like, do you take tap as everything is on fire?

Starting point is 00:57:15 Yeah. Q is tap. And I would get um, sunny delight. Okay, this is what this is the problem. What? We're in the grocery store. What are you getting for us? Sunny delight and and we need vitamin C. What? What else? Oh, fruit roll ups. We fruit. Yeah, because no, really, because let me say something. We grab bananas and apples real fruit.

Starting point is 00:57:42 They're going to get rotten in the back. Fruit roll ups stay on forever. Well, you know, she's going to grab bananas and apples real fruit. They're gonna get rotten in the back. Fruit roll-ups stay on forever. Well, you know she's gonna grab bananas. Yeah. Those feet are gonna grab bananas for sure. Yeah, yeah, you'll grab the bananas for sure. I need bananas to poop. Big beans. We're not worried about poop.

Starting point is 00:57:55 But I need to poop. We all have to poo in the situation. No, but I'm always positive. In wartime, you're gonna poo. Okay. Can you imagine the one flaw of our trio is that she's constipated? Yeah. We can't fight, she can gonna poop. Okay. Can you imagine the one flaw of our trio? Is that she's constipated? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:58:07 We can't fight, she can't, she can't shit. Yeah. The other guy's like, come out you coward, she's like, I can't poop. Time out, I can't poop. Yeah. Asking for a timeout because you can't poop. Can you say timeout? In war?

Starting point is 00:58:21 Yeah. Yeah, you can. Get up there. Yeah, you can say whatever you want. When is the longest you've gone without pooping? A week. Seven full days. Wow. Oh my God.

Starting point is 00:58:31 That's insane. You're supposed to die. No, I lasted three days on tour. She said seven. I know. Four more days. Three is like your body's gonna. How many days can you go without pooping?

Starting point is 00:58:41 Truly, I think it's toxic. It's toxic, right? I don't know. Generally, you can go five days without pooping? Truly, I think it's toxic, right? I don't know. Generally, you can go five days without pooping before you run into risk of serious health issues, like fecal impaction, hemorrhoids bowel perforation. Fecal impaction! That's a band.

Starting point is 00:58:55 Yeah, that's a great fucking band. What's up, we're bowel perforation. Great to be here, San Diego! Fecal impaction. Five days, you're supposed to be ready. You went for seven full days, and you pooped on the eighth. I don't remember. What's the vehicle impaction?

Starting point is 00:59:11 What is that? All your poop is building up. It's like stacking on top of each other. Wow. Is that what Elvis died? Yeah, well he had it. Yeah. Look at that.

Starting point is 00:59:20 It's the result of severe constipation. You're unable to regulate past poop. And then what happened is it just builds and you become- A bloated piece of shit. Wow. You become a fat piece of shit. That's where the term come from, fat piece of shit. Not because of food, because they had fecal in the pack.

Starting point is 00:59:35 Wow. Seven days, Rudy, you gotta eat fiber. I'm taking magnesium, it helps. But you also have to have a lot of fiber. That's the only way you can poop. Do you eat an apple? Do you eat apples? Bananas bananas are good, but anything fibers you should you should have met him you saw on something Why can't you poop are you nervous? Yeah, we're going back to the all ways these guys got a gift. What did we talk? What is this? Show me?

Starting point is 01:00:01 Oh my god like the old days my God, like the old days. All right. Just like the old days. So a movie called Rush Hour. All right, the boys handed us a scene. Is there only two of us? There's only two. There's only two characters. All right, well then I want to be the director. No, no, no.

Starting point is 01:00:16 Why do I, Bobby, you're, I don't, I always have to be a guy. You're going to be Carter and you're going to be Lee. Okay. He's a Lee, you know Lee is in the movie, right? No, I've never seen Rush Hour. Okay, Is Lee, you know Lee is in the movie, right? No.

Starting point is 01:00:25 I've never seen Rush Hour. Okay, so basically you have to tell the character. I think it'd be fun to see how she does it. Okay. You know, I'm directing. All right. So you're Lee. Lee is a foreigner who barely speaks English.

Starting point is 01:00:39 Can you put it together? Yeah. Ready? Exit City Street afternoon. Lee and Carter walk down the street. Oh, the son you speak in English now, huh? Yeah. Ready? Exit City Street afternoon. Lee and Carter walked down the street. Oh, the sun you speak English now, huh? Sorry.

Starting point is 01:00:50 Can I have that line again? That's really good. No, no, no, it's good. It seems racist. That was a choice. No, that was a choice. Yep. What's your choice?

Starting point is 01:00:59 Go ahead, Lee. A rarer roll. Perfect. Oh, no, my ass. You lied to me. I Did it again From the top no from my pot. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I can't work like this I did you I didn't I did so favor to family friend. Yeah, but you can go to casting

Starting point is 01:01:18 It's a family friend. I had to do it. It's all right lean Carter walk down the street all the sudden you speaking Is that huh? I read all a little my ass. He lagging me. I didn't say I didn't. You're so I didn't. Yeah, something's wrong. Yeah, something's wrong.

Starting point is 01:01:37 Mental thing. You know, he's I can't do Asian. It's not Asian. Why were you doing Asian? You said foreign Asian. I said foreigner. I didn't say Asian. Oh, no, wait, why were you doing Asian? You said foreign Asian. I said foreigner, I didn't say Asian. Oh, no, Leah's French.

Starting point is 01:01:48 Yeah. He's a French guy in the movie. Leigh? Yeah. Yes, his first name is Leigh. Yeah. Leigh, but Leibon, soi. Leibon, soi.

Starting point is 01:01:57 You fucking idiot. We bought you. Leigh, petite, bonsoi. You know him, he's famous. Okay. Leigh and Carter walked down the street. I love his name speaking. Just now.

Starting point is 01:02:07 A little. It's the same guy. It is. But I would go ahead to keep going. Lil' my ass, you lying to me. I didn't say I didn't. I swear I didn't. I swear I didn't.

Starting point is 01:02:23 I assume I kick your little Beijing ass right now. Man, I ain't say I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I assume I kick your little Beijing ass right now. Man, I ain't scared of you. I know you know that little tricky shit. Come on. Carter starts to lick a rotty boob. Hi. Can you do it a French?

Starting point is 01:02:43 No, no. Oh, you want a mimic mind? Yeah, all right. You I'll do it Why don't you read it? I'll be I'll be Lee you be Carter. Yeah, and she's got to do it over Lee Carter walk down the street. I'll speak English now, huh? Oh My ass you I love my ass you like it. I didn't say it, I didn't use you, man. Assume I kick your Beijing ass right now.

Starting point is 01:03:07 Man, I ain't scared of you. I know that little tricky shit, come on. See, that's French. By the way, this was in the script. Yeah. Assume I kick your little Beijing ass right now. Man, I ain't scared of you. I know you ain't, I know you that little tricky shit.

Starting point is 01:03:23 Man, he did a good gig, huh? Yeah, good gig. They really wrote for his voice. Yeah, they did. Can you imagine? Who else could have done that? I don't know. Cat Williams?

Starting point is 01:03:33 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Imagine, okay, let's do it with this movie. Let's do it with this movie with Cat Williams, your Cat Williams. And who could Libby? Who could Jackie Chanby instead? Well, right now they would probably hire Steven Young.

Starting point is 01:03:48 Yeah, but then it wouldn't be funny, then it's not fish out of water. I mean, then it's just like a regular kid from America. Can we just have her version of what you just did? Got it. Ready? Lee and Carter walked down the street. I have a city speaking, it's now, huh? A little.

Starting point is 01:04:01 Put that back there. A little of my ass, you lied to me. I didn't say I didn't that's French you assume I didn't It's so good very good Wow Moody I'm really proud of you be an actress man. Yeah, have you ever thought about acting? No, I hate it Yeah, yeah, do you miss the show? I do I feel like you do miss the show I hate it. Yeah. Yeah. Do you miss the show?

Starting point is 01:04:26 I do. I feel like you do miss the show. Do you miss us? Yeah. You've got to come to Riverside when we do it. When is it? Do it nine. I mean, we'll have already done it when this show comes out.

Starting point is 01:04:39 It'll already have happened. It's happened. It happened, but you want to go to, yeah, that's good. Then it won't, no, be a leak. Do you want to come to Riverside and open up the show open? You're going are you're not reading a character still are you? What does open mean open the show go out there introduce us say hello do a little bit of time I Can introduce can Bobby and I write jokes for you in Riverside? Yeah, please. I would love it. How many seats is Riverside?

Starting point is 01:05:06 We're doing two shows. You guys even know. Yeah, how many seats are there? No, no, no, no, we're doing two shows down there I can tell you right now actually here. Yeah, bad friends We're right jokes for you. We're gonna write jokes wait two shows. It's a 1600 a piece. So it's 3200 seats That'll be funny be fun It's 1600 a piece, so it's 3,200 seats. That'll be funny. Be fun. June 9th, I can do that. You better believe you're doing it. So we're gonna write you jokes.

Starting point is 01:05:33 For like two minutes, I'll do it. It's gonna be the longest two minutes of your life. Of your life. Yeah. What can I bring the script or do it to memorize? Yeah, you can bring the script. Yeah, I'd be too hard for you to memorize. Okay, I'll do it. Cool? Yeah, you can bring the brain broader. Yeah, I'd be too hard for you to memorize.

Starting point is 01:05:45 Okay. I'll do it. Cool. I'm so excited. Yeah. And Jesse will be there. Yeah, we're going to see who, and by the way, whoever does better gets to keep their spot here on bad friends.

Starting point is 01:05:55 Yeah, it's a fight to the death. Okay. Taukos, baby. Taukos. Tell me, tell us, the relationship's been a year now with this boy. Are you gonna move in together? Move in. I don't have money to pay. Does he have his own place?

Starting point is 01:06:10 No. How old is he? He's 20. And you're 21. One. Whoa, that's pretty gross. Are you, are there feelings? There's still feelings.

Starting point is 01:06:21 Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I feel like, because it's been a year, I'm just like always mad at him. Is that normal? Yeah, yeah, that's it. That's very normal. Like I just feel like I hate his face right now. Yeah, yeah, yes, yes, that's love. Yeah, you're actually falling in love. What else does he do? Does he say things that really the way he says a word, what word bothers you the way he says it? Babe, yeah, babe, Disgusting. Just a comment. Like any any time you say something, I'm just always angry. Yeah. If he's like, Hey, babe, do you want something to eat?

Starting point is 01:06:50 Yeah. And then I pissed. Like obviously. Yeah. Fucking I'm right. Right. Like why do you ask? So what? You're going to be a great wife. I feel so bad for him. I just have empathy toward him. Now, what do you do for him? He sounds like he's very nice. Do you do something nice for him? I cuddle him. You cuddle him. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:07:16 What do you mean? You just give him a nice hug. What kind of cuddle? Like it's your spooning? Or you're in back? You're the big spoon. You're the big spoon? Or what do you guys do?

Starting point is 01:07:24 What's this? Who's in front of you right here? Is it him? Right to you're the big spoon. You're the big spoon. Or what do you guys think? What's this? Who's in front of you right here? Him. Right, so you're the big spoon. Standing. Oh, you hug stand, you cuddle standing. What? That's a hug.

Starting point is 01:07:33 That's not a cuddle. A standing cuddle is a hug. I don't really like cuddles. So I just hug him. So what do you do that's nice for this man? I hug him. That's the only thing you do that's nice for this man? I hug him. That's the only thing you do. You don't like get him any gifts or anything thoughtful

Starting point is 01:07:50 or anything for him. I got him a skateboard because he like skateboards. That's very nice. Just the board or the whole tremmings. The whole thing. Okay, where'd you get it from? I forgot the brown. The brand, like a place, didn't you brand? Like a place?

Starting point is 01:08:05 Didn't you get it from a place? I just ordered it online. That don't order a skateboard online. Yeah. But you don't know what skateboard company it was? Fucking awesome. Oh, cool. That's nice.

Starting point is 01:08:18 Yeah, that's pretty cool. Really? Yeah. That's a good skateboard. No, you did the right thing. That's really nice. That's cool. Alright, I think this thing's gonna last forever. You think it's gonna last forever? Alright, so it's not love. That's really nice cool. All right. I think this thing's gonna last forever You think it's gonna last forever hard so it's not love and you kind of hate him No, I love him. I just hate him right now. Do you guys say I love you?

Starting point is 01:08:32 What oh, I really like a nice kid Yeah, good luck to you. Thank you. I don't know if I wish luck Yeah, you know, it's she's not gonna know his name five years from now. Yeah, that's how it works But what if we're still together? You won't be that's out. No, she's not gonna know his name five years from now. Yeah, that's how it works. But what if we're still together? You won't be. That's sad. No, it's not. But I like him a lot. I know.

Starting point is 01:08:50 Oh, see, this is just a test. It's a test. We wanted to say because he's in the room right now. Come on out. Come on out. Bongolino. Bongolino. Bongolino. Or is he really Bongolino?

Starting point is 01:09:01 All right. Is he going to come to Riverside then? You make your boyfriend come and watch you do time. Why not? No, because he came to the ACE theater and he just was disappeared, really. Yeah. He was shy, super shy.

Starting point is 01:09:12 They're much alike. They were just leaning against the wall and just gonna start walking. How did you meet this guy again? School. He was just a kid at school. Yeah. And he said, I like you, you said, I like you.

Starting point is 01:09:22 Yeah. Yeah, that's cute. It's cute. He's a handsome boy nice kid Here's what you need to do. Yeah, you need to help coach Tito Bobby how to get back in a relationship I don't I'm out. I don't want to he wants to get in. I don't want to get back at coach him What's the what is the key to getting a partner? Don't be weird. Don't be weird Just be nice.

Starting point is 01:09:45 Just be nice. And be truthful. Just be weird. Just be nice. And be truthful. Just be truthful. She said, don't be weird. And then Andreas goes, oh, oh.

Starting point is 01:09:53 I think something happened on the board. He was just looking down on the board. No, no, no. Why are you blushing? Get him out. Why'd you say, oh, oh. No, why? What?

Starting point is 01:10:03 Let's have a conversation. Why did you say, oh, oh, when she said weird? I mean, this could be an Let's have a conversation. Why did you say oh, oh? What she said weird. I mean this could be an example of it. Maybe telling the leopard to you know not have no I don't know you're fucking animal analogies. It's a good one. He said tell the leopard to not have spots right I don't have spots I'm a spotless leopard Yeah, okay You are a spotless leopard you know I never say a spotless leopard so I just want to know you, I'm a spotless lover. You don't have a spotless lover. So I just want to know, you think I'm a weird guy.

Starting point is 01:10:28 Yes. Yeah, yeah, okay. And now the truth is out there. A good weird. It's a good weird. Yeah, yeah. Everybody in this room is fucking weird. I don't think anybody in here is not weird in their own.

Starting point is 01:10:38 Yeah, yeah, I'm weird. But who's the weirdest in the room? You don't think you're weird? You look like a fucking illustration of some French cartoon or something. You don't even look human. You're like, Tim Tim. What'd you say?

Starting point is 01:10:52 Tim Tim? Yeah, she's chim-chim. He's Tim Tim. Yeah, you're Tim Tim. Hey, you're awesome. Look at him. Yeah, he's high. We can't even believe that anyone would make love to you.

Starting point is 01:11:03 Somebody did. Somebody did. No, you know what, you're a nice guy. I can do a bit. I just attacked you for no reason. No, no, no, you should have. I have a weird guy. No, no, you should have.

Starting point is 01:11:10 But you are weird. You know you're weird. Bob, you're weird. But like a good way. You think you're normal. Yeah, I mean, I feel normal. Right. In the world.

Starting point is 01:11:23 A schizophrenic probably says I'm going to be a friend. No, no, no. Like, I, you know, when I skits a friend, it probably says. I don't know. Like I, you know, when I'm about, like, but you, you're right. I mean, today I went to a meeting and that's very normal. Yeah, but after the meeting, I was talking to people and people have this face like, when they're talking to me. Well, they're afraid of what you're gonna do. Yeah, I think, no, it was an A meeting.

Starting point is 01:11:43 Yeah, they're afraid of what you're gonna do. No, the people have like meeting. Yeah, they're afraid of what you're gonna do. So, no, people have like this cautious kind of like, right, but I'm always, but I'm aware of it. I'm like, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, why are they doing this face? At any point, did you do anything weird? No.

Starting point is 01:11:56 But maybe it's like the things I bring up are weird. Like what? Hey, we're at a meeting right now. After what? Hey, man, thanks for sharing. Yeah, man. And I said, they're not letting trans in the Olympics. All right, man, God be with you.

Starting point is 01:12:09 I'm sure that you'll get some more coffee. Something like that, you know, some random, you know what I mean? That's start off a conversation, you know? With trans Olympic stuff, I think maybe anything lighter. Like, do you like in and out? Berger. Oh, I see. Well, I don't, maybe you can teach me how to do small talk. Here we go. All right, I'm gonna really want to go me how to do small talk here. We go all right

Starting point is 01:12:25 I'm gonna really want to go real go ahead all right, so we're done. Let's do Let me read a shop. Oh, okay, we're in line to coffee shop right What kind of underwear do you wear? That's seem What I just I don't get underwear. I like I don't like underwear that I have is underwear What hello police really there's a little fat Asian guy asking really really you can't ask me what kind of underwear They're wearing they go to brand. No, it's good so many easier. All right. All right, let's start over Okay, we're in line at it.

Starting point is 01:13:06 I go, Man, The weather. Yeah, what about it? I just don't know much about it. About weather? About what the weather we're having now. Well, those are cumulative in this clouds.

Starting point is 01:13:19 I'm actually, uh, That's actually what I do for a little. Oh, really? Yeah. Um, so check it out. The participation, Participation, We gave it to Miss Kate today. Yeah really? Yeah. So check it out. The participation, precipitation, if we get rate to escape today, is going to be relatively low,

Starting point is 01:13:29 compared to the barometric pressure. Yeah. And what's really going to do is sweep a swap some of the winds and come counterclockwise. Do you eat your toenails ever? Uh huh. Nothing.

Starting point is 01:13:37 Do I what? Do you ever eat your toenails? In fact, I do. Eat good. The guy who likes weather probably does it. Yeah. When you ask questions like that, I just want to break up the monotony. But you don't need to.

Starting point is 01:13:50 Why? It's just so boring. Because to hear people talking, like I've been at restaurants, I've overheard people's conversations, and I would do this with my arm, like, what are you talking about? The best way to do that. They're talking about needles. Well, needles are what? What needles to goo when they're sewing

Starting point is 01:14:05 or whatever. Yeah, I mean, I have it's over two, you know, I mean, old ladies talking about like what fabrics they use when sewing. And I wanted to break up the conversation by going, hey, what underwear do you wear or? No, you don't. No, don't do that.

Starting point is 01:14:20 Okay. That's what you get in on the joke with them. Okay, so a bunch of old ladies are like, or like, I'm an old lady and then I want to see what you would say. Okay, go ahead. So Margaret, um, so I go to the yon local yarn store and I got this new yarn, but it's too thick to make a knitting cap. Right. So I wonder what do you use for a knitting cap? Well, Margaret. They're both called Margaret. Yeah. Well, Margaret, you know, I've never so didn't need a cap before. Well, my grandson loves to wear these moccasins.

Starting point is 01:14:58 And he got it, you know, his dad is matriosexual. You know what I mean? Love's, um, to get a son. I mean, Mockison's from the local Mockison store. Anyway, I was thinking about it, so I'm saying him, a Mockison. I want, Margot what? Fabric. D. Well, Margot. Mockison's, you know, so those.

Starting point is 01:15:21 I mean, those are made out of like wood. Anyway, it's something that you would sell on a Sunday. But do you go to the local Yarn shop? I do. And I love Demetrius that works there. He's great. Hey ladies, yeah. I don't know if you heard, but to me, you sure has got fired. Oh no. Mm-hmm. Oh my God, no. Yeah, they caught him yarning on the job. That's a good day girl.

Starting point is 01:15:52 Whoa, that's a good job. See? That's really good. And one of these old bitches is like, I like him. Looks up, I Netflix special. Whoa, that's written. Wow, oh see, that's what it is. That's how you get him.

Starting point is 01:16:03 So if I went, do you eat your toenails? I think that's not gonna land. That's not gonna land. This is not gonna land. They are. We're gonna get there, baby. Yeah, just teach me. I just did class.

Starting point is 01:16:12 Hey, thanks for coming today, Rudy. I really, really, really, really appreciate you coming today. I really miss you, guys. We miss you a lot. And I hope you keep coming back. We want to do an old school episode of Just the Three Amigos and we got it. And we should send us off into the sunlight. And he wants us to, he wants us to, well, in order of all of you,

Starting point is 01:16:30 honor of all of us. I knew movie coming out tomorrow. Well, it came out last week. I mean, yeah. And is the little mermaid. I think we can sing it. Is that dialogue or the song? The question. Yeah. Ariel, listen to me. The human world, it's a mess. Life under the sea is better than anything that got up there. The seaweed is, oh, it's a crater. In somebody else's lake. Riker. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:16:57 You dream about it. You have to sing. That's a song. That's what I'm talking. It's under the sea. The song under the sea. Oh, the seaweed is under the sea. What? I don't know what the sea is the sea. We just see the seaweed under under under

Starting point is 01:17:15 Have you never heard under the sea? Never heard it. Oh, Dada sea No, not a sea darling. It's better down where it's wet. No, never you've never no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, I wonder, you know, it catches me for a quick science question, right? Do you like the lobsters in Japan off the coast? Do they have a little lobster accent? Well, tell me where Japan is. And I like, you know, I don't have to watch Japan. The lobsters? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Like if, you know, mean, putami Becca, no, putami Becca, they don't speak English, but would they make? Oh, I don't know. No, they speak English.

Starting point is 01:18:06 Are they do? Every ocean speaks English. They say orcas in different like areas, they have different kinds of tones that they have to listen to. Oh, that was a French. That's fucking Congo. Yeah. That's gay. That's gay, right? Yeah, that's a gay whale., well, I get it. Yeah, so I get it. Yes, queeee. Yeah. When they make those sonic noises underneath.

Starting point is 01:18:31 Yes. So what, since I don't know the song, why don't you sing it? We don't need to. Okay, what you did was good enough. I feel really has to sing it. Really sing under the sea real fast. Go ahead. Okay.

Starting point is 01:18:42 Under the sea. Under the sea. Darling, it's better. Down there, it's wetter. Take it from me. Interesting line. Up on the shore, they walk all day. Out in the sun, they slave away. Weird word. While we devote and full time to float it under the sea. Oh, I know that song. That's the song. Duh, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, oh, I know that song. That's the song. That's the song. Oh, you just have to do that part.

Starting point is 01:19:08 Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun's me, Lano. I don't know, so we're like that in the background. P.F. Changs, they played a lot there.

Starting point is 01:19:26 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Under the sea. I've been to elevators and I've heard that. I go under with that con. Yeah, that's cool. It's under the sea where we all want to live. One day. Yeah, we'd be dead.

Starting point is 01:19:35 It's better down there. Hey, Rudy, blood and sinus off. Thank you for being a bad friend. I'm gonna go get some food.

Bad Friends - Harry Potter Magic Boy and Rudy the Fairy Elf

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