Bad Friends - Hey Homie ft. Frankie Quiñones, Johnny Sanchez & Cristela Alonzo

Episode Date: March 27, 2023

Tour Tickets: https://badfriendspod.com Thank you to our Sponsors: https://babbel.com/BADFRIENDS & https://www.zocdoc.com/badfriends & https://www.forthepeople.com/badfriends & https://betterhelp.com/...badfriends   YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com 0:00 Bad Friends Tour Update 0:55 The Mexican Takeover 6:09 What Bobby Thinks of Aging and Dating  14:55 This Fool is in the House 26:08 Johnny Sanchez's Spanish Audition 33:25 Coconuts, Bananas and Twinkies  40:15 One Hundred Years Ago 47:35 Bobby's Power Moves: The Rabbit & The Sawing Machine 56:59 What Cristela Alonzo Thinks of Bobby in Bed 1:02:20 Villans & Heroes More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger:  https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino  Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Juicy Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jetskijohnson/?hl=en More Rudy Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendrudy More Fancy Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fancyb.1 More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/   Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod   Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom  Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: 7EQUIS https://www.7equis.net/ Podcast Producers: Andrés Rosende & Pete Forthun This video contains paid promotion. #bobbylee #andrewsantino #badfriends Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Grow your savings while you stock up on bibs, diapers, a crib, stroller, baby toys, ah, the joys of being new parents. Open and fund a Momentum Plus savings account from Scotiabank and earn our best rate yet. Visit scotiabank.com slash MPSA. Conditions apply. What up, bad friends?
Starting point is 00:00:16 I am on my way back to the US of A from Aussie, baby, and I'm so very excited to go on tour. Me and Bob are on tour. You want to get those tickets? Get those tickets at badfriendspod.com. We added dates, we added cities, we added shows, we added shows in Riverside, San Antonio, Toronto, Canada. Come out and show that love for Bad Friends Pod.
Starting point is 00:00:35 We're doing a huge tour. Oklahoma, Kansas City, St. Louis, Indianapolis, Detroit, Louisville, Atlanta, Memphis, Norfolk, Durham, Charlotte, San Antonio, Houston, Irving, Spokane, Seattle, Portland, Phoenix, Jacksonville, St. Petersburg, Hollywood, Orlando, Riverside, San Diego, Montclair, Port Chester, Baltimore, Philly, Toronto, and much, much more we're adding as we go.
Starting point is 00:00:53 Go to badfriendspod.com, badfriendspod.com. You two are bad friends. You are these two idiots. Why, dude? I'm an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. You two are something. We're bad friends.
Starting point is 00:01:09 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. I know how to. Oh, darling. Oh, oh, darling. When he died, when Richie fell in love with that, was that sad for you guys? It tore me apart from the movie. Really?
Starting point is 00:01:25 Yes, it tore me apart. That's like your Harry Styles, right? Oh, my God. Richie Valens? Oh, my God. You know that I. He was only 17. Are we recording right now?
Starting point is 00:01:34 Yeah. Harry Styles, I didn't know anything about. Until when? I heard a song called, was it watermelon shit? Yeah, he loves fruit. Dude. Well, that's what I thought it was. I was like, man, this guy loves that waferska.
Starting point is 00:01:49 You know what, bro? I feel like I'm being racist. It's a fucking mouth snatch and shit, bro. You know what I mean? But welcome to yo, dude. Mexican amigos, bro. Welcome. I'm going to take off now.
Starting point is 00:02:01 OK, it feels weird. OK. Anyway. Oh, my God, you had another one underneath all the time. I love it. So welcome to it. So good to see you guys, man, because let me tell you something, man.
Starting point is 00:02:18 Andrew's been out of town, and I've been doing this all alone. And I needed friends, bro. And we did an all Korean episode, bro. And I thought, what's next, bro? Mexicans, dude. I fucking love them, bro. We got a fucking. I want to introduce the people in the room, bro.
Starting point is 00:02:33 We've got a fucking raccoon in the house. A fucking raccoon. He's half raccoon. Half fucking Mexican this guy. You know, bro, when's the last time you slept, dog? I stayed up late last night. But I have these all the time anyway, Bobby. Dude, it's at a point.
Starting point is 00:02:50 I know. I need to get some work done. You're going to have to Michael Jackson it. Yeah, I know. You're going to have to Michael Jackson underneath your eye, because it's like, it's so prominent. Listen, I looked into it. Here's the problem.
Starting point is 00:03:01 Are you a panda? Can I ask you that? Panda's good, too. Panda, raccoon. Do you want Johnny to have Sammy Sosa lids? You know, there's a laser. There's a laser thing. But you have to go to somebody really good,
Starting point is 00:03:17 because if they take off too much, dude, then it gets. It's like, it'll be pale. It's worse. I don't know, dude. I don't know. I think pale is better. It's bad, huh? It's so.
Starting point is 00:03:30 I know. It's you. It's you. Some people just have dark circles. Yeah, but it's bad. Look, it's bad. That's bad. That's pretty bad.
Starting point is 00:03:39 I don't think so. Yeah. But it's going to get, you know, it's going to get, the dermatologist told me it's going to get dark. It's just going to keep getting darker as I get older. And it's going to get here. Please don't get them done that. And it's going to.
Starting point is 00:03:50 I have to see what happens. Like in about five years. Yeah, it'll be, it goes lower and lower. Oh, please. Oh my God. When we start calling him Crater Sanchez. Crater. Crater.
Starting point is 00:04:02 Crater Sanchez, bro. Man, people have tried to hike it, but they've never gone. They've never seen again. So we got Johnny Sanchez, my old friend. Yeah, buddy. You good, bro? Yeah, I'm all right. All right.
Starting point is 00:04:15 I'm sorry for making fun of you, man. That's right. Yeah. It goes, you know, that's how our relationship is. It's always been like that. It'll never change. Yeah. I love you.
Starting point is 00:04:23 It's, you know, it's funny. Can I introduce you to the next person? Well, just real quick. You always go, it's always been funny. You've always gone after my looks. Like you always make fun of me. But you, you. I called you Cricket.
Starting point is 00:04:35 Yeah, Cricket. Yeah. But you, you make fun of me like you look like Brad Pitt. That's what makes me. I look like Shed. Yeah. I look like Shed. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:44 Yeah. I know. I know. Yeah. Yeah. All right. I look in the mirror. OK.
Starting point is 00:04:50 And I know where I'm at, you know, who I am. Yeah. We're going to talk about that, right? How about what? Dating and. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we will. But can I introduce people? Introduce.
Starting point is 00:04:59 That's what I was going to say. Yeah. We have one that, we have one Mexican that's not even shown up yet. Yeah. He's on Mexican time. He's on Mexican time. What's that mean? And he was the next person.
Starting point is 00:05:07 I get it. I get it. So the next person that I want to introduce is somebody that, and that many, many years ago, she was living in Dallas. Yes. And you were working at the Addison Improv. Yeah, I was the office manager. You were the office manager.
Starting point is 00:05:23 Oh, my God. And I found out then that you were doing stand up. I had just started. You just started. And the way you rose, it was just, I was so proud of you. I'm still very proud of you. You just dug your way out and you, you're so talented and funny. Cristela Alonzo.
Starting point is 00:05:43 She had her own sitcom. What was it called? Cristela. Oh, my God. It was actually called Nine Is Enough. It could have been called Cristela versus Cristella. No, no, no, no. You're right.
Starting point is 00:05:58 It could have been. Look, George Lopez has used his name on every show. And even then, when he has a new show, I'm like, it could be Paul this time. Yeah, yeah. Thanks for being here. I've been hung out with you in a while. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:11 And I called you out of the blue and you were like, let's do it. And yeah, I was telling Johnny before the show that we're at an age where we're pretty much going to be, we're unfuckable. And we have a sad futures ahead of us, you know. Do you do you do you do you? Can you see yourself with a woman that would be like in her late 40s, early 50s? You like still like young.
Starting point is 00:06:44 That's crazy. I don't even know what you're accusing me of. What are you accusing me of? No, no. I'm young like you like girls that are like 20s and like maybe early 30s. Listen, I don't care about the age. It's what I see. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:58 Okay. So you you probably wouldn't go out with a woman that's like 48, 49, 50. It depends. Oh, right. If I'm going to I'm 44, by the way, you look great. You look wonderful. Okay. All right.
Starting point is 00:07:09 Are you saying that's for me to be careful of the way I? No, no, no, no, no, no, I don't give a shit. No, I'm saying like I'm 44. So like it's like I'm saying that there's people that are women that are 49, 48 that don't look, you know, it's like it. Yeah, it just depends. Yeah. Right.
Starting point is 00:07:27 If I'm in a bakery, right. And if the cake looks fresh, I want to eat it, right. But if it's damaged, you know what I mean? There's, you know, rotting wear and tear. You mean there's some wear and tear. Yeah. It's what I call moisturizer. It's like, see, like there have been times there have been times I do this shit all the time.
Starting point is 00:07:49 I will Google people I hated in high school. And I know that we're the same age and a lot of them look like shit. And it's because I tell people they never learn to moisturize. So it's like we're the same thing. It's like that thing about like not knowing how to take care of yourself. Maybe because you're too busy. You're having a fucked up life where you're trying to survive and shit like that. Whatever it is, you didn't do it.
Starting point is 00:08:11 So people sometimes look different than other people the same age because they just didn't do. They didn't take care of them. Moisturize. It's about moisture. Like putting lotion on your face. Is that what you're saying? Yeah. I'm simplifying it like that just to say that that's like the example.
Starting point is 00:08:25 But can I add on to that? Let's do it. Could it be about also stress levels? Yes, absolutely. Well, that's what I mean. Is that the moisturizing is just an example of how like people do extra steps sometimes that they probably don't even think about. Like the moisturizer is a thing obviously stress level because that's what I'm saying.
Starting point is 00:08:42 It's like if you have a life of survival of like trying to get by or something or shit's just fucked up. Sometimes you trying to take care of yourself like physically is the last fucking thing on your mind. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The mind fuck I suffer from depression and anxiety. And when I get depressed, I get depressed. And when I feel like that, I'll give a shit what I look like.
Starting point is 00:09:04 You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. And that's it. It's kind of going to your fresh cake. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you know, also to culture. Oh, what? Go ahead.
Starting point is 00:09:15 Well, I want you to talk culturally. I I feel like white people age faster. The lighter, complex, fair skinned people. What are you saying? Seem to get more wrinkled earlier than people who have oily skin and darker complexion. So you're saying black people look good? Well, we all know that. Don't call him oily, though.
Starting point is 00:09:40 That's weird. No, I thought you were going to call him Mexican. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like my dad. Yeah, well, you just call them oil ladies. No, no, no, no, no, no. The Mexican like my dad has very oily skin. He's 80 going to be 88.
Starting point is 00:09:51 He looks fantastic. Is he the raccoon part of your family? Or no. OK. I did not get it from my mom or my dad. Where does that come from, though? That I had a great aunt that had it. And I had an uncle that had that had it.
Starting point is 00:10:05 Yeah. Not my mom and dad. Oh, you know what? I just realized you look like you're about to play football. Oh, yeah, that's cool. Yeah. So that's cool. Anyway, I love you.
Starting point is 00:10:16 Thanks for coming out. You're one of my favorites. You're one of my favorites. Hey, you piece of shit. I love you, buddy. I love you, buddy. Hey, you fucking disappoint me. You're my life and body.
Starting point is 00:10:26 Fist bump, right? Yeah. Like I'll give you like Rachel Bielsen. You know who that is? Yes. Yes. I remember her. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:33 I know her. And she's, you know, in her 40s, right? And she's beautiful. I mean, I would, you know, I mean, if I could date her, I would probably, you know, I mean, she, she had a baby with Darth Vader. Yeah. Hating Christensen.
Starting point is 00:10:46 Oh, Christensen. Yeah, yeah. So that's the level that she's at, right? Yeah. Yeah. But I'm just saying it's like. She's fucking young Anakin. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:51 Yeah, yeah, yeah, young Anakin. Yeah. I can't fuck with a young Anakin. Yeah, exactly. Because in the Star Wars universe, I'm a Jawa. Because the Jawa fucking, no. I am like the Jar Jar Binks one night stand. Like in the Star Wars universe, who would you be?
Starting point is 00:11:07 I know. I already know. Oh, what's this? I know what you are, dude. What? Remember that blue guy that was like flying? He was the boss? He was the boss.
Starting point is 00:11:19 And one of the newer ones? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What was it? What was his name? The blue one that was. Yeah, that's you.
Starting point is 00:11:24 That dude. That's fucking you. Oh my god, dude. Unfuckable. Oh my god. I remind you when people say, like when people, when women come up to me, they're like, you remind me of my friend.
Starting point is 00:11:42 What did I do to you? Your big feet? Wide. Other wide. Because I used, I grew up barefoot. Like Apocalypse though. Dude, that's my cousin. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:54 Yeah. Like back in the day, you probably could have just run up a tree. Oh, I could still do that. No, I used to, I was barefoot all the time. We were real, really poor. So my mom would give me one pair of shoes for the whole year. A year. So then during the summer, I used to be barefoot all the time.
Starting point is 00:12:12 I'd walk to the stores barefoot and everything, you know? Because so I have wide feet. Whoa. You know? Yeah. I'm dropping some fucking on. No, I really like it. But they're pretty pretty.
Starting point is 00:12:21 I've never seen them. Yeah, yeah. I will say that they are on the internet and I have been approached in public by somebody that wanted me to show them up. Yeah, the foot fetish thing. Yeah, the foot fetish thing. If I wanted to, like, let's say I was a guy on the internet. I saw your feet and I hit you up on DMDU and I go,
Starting point is 00:12:39 hey, how much could I give you money wise? So I just want your feet on my penis, but I'll jerk off the tip. But just have the penis at the base. He's put some thought into this. At the base, right? And I'll just, you know, I'll take, you know, me and Lou. I'll just jerk off. Can I come on your feet?
Starting point is 00:12:57 How much would you charge? Well, first of all, I always hate these questions because I would probably do that shit when I'm drunk for free. I hate when people say, like, how much would you blow somebody for a million dollars? Bitch, I've done that for a nickel. No, I think that the feet thing has always been very well. Any fetish to me that I'm not familiar with has always been like, whoa, really?
Starting point is 00:13:22 Yeah. For that much? But this person's a stranger. No, I wouldn't do it. You have to do it sober. You wouldn't do it at all. No, I wouldn't do it. For a million dollars.
Starting point is 00:13:30 No, because I can actually, because I think I can make my million dollars some other way. That's true. Okay, good. Good. Would you do it? How would that work? I believe in you.
Starting point is 00:13:43 No. Oh, the girl? I'm a guy. Yeah. I DM you. Oh. I love you on K-Loco. I didn't do K-Loco.
Starting point is 00:13:52 Oh, yeah, that's right. I didn't either. I was not cool enough to do K-Loco. That is so crazy. He turned it down. I did. I said no. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:59 Well, you were starting. You were young. You were starting. You just started. There's a lot of shit that I didn't get in that work. You know what? This is interesting. So I started in Dallas, moved to LA.
Starting point is 00:14:09 In Dallas, I was kind of like the only Latina comic in the scene. You know, like then I moved to LA. There were a lot of Latino comics that didn't like me. And it was this thing where I didn't realize that there was this thinking. And I've talked to people about this all the time. A lot of the older comics, and by that, I mean people that had been doing it longer.
Starting point is 00:14:29 At that time. Not like age-wise, right? Yeah, yeah. They thought that I had disrespected them. Like when I met them by not trying to shake their hands and saying, hey, it's really nice to meet you. It's so interesting you say this because it's like, I have the same issues as you do,
Starting point is 00:14:46 but I'm beginning to think it's a perception thing. Oh, no. No, I just stop. No, stop, stop, stop, stop. All right. To you, it's real. Yes. Okay.
Starting point is 00:14:56 Yeah. I believe that. Yeah. Okay. But is there a perception thing a little bit? That because people live, listen, I feel the same way I say. It's all quiet.
Starting point is 00:15:09 Everything just stops. What's up, bro? Do you guys know him? Of course. Hi, Frankie. What's up, bro? My little man. We didn't know him before.
Starting point is 00:15:18 Yeah. That's funny. He lowers his chair. It's all lowrider. Oh, it's lowrider. Let me get all lowrider right here real quick. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. What were you, Frankie?
Starting point is 00:15:32 I just want my family. It's Sunday, right? Is it? Is it Sunday? Yeah, yeah. Sunday is a big deal for you people, right? Sunday is our Sunday. That's all right.
Starting point is 00:15:46 It sounded weird. It sounded weird. Sunday is our Sunday. I caught myself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you're with your family, bro? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:51 Yeah, yeah, yeah. What are you guys doing? Uh, you know, we're just kicking into our family stuff, but barbecue or? Nah. Nah, home is rainy. Yeah. Oh, shit is?
Starting point is 00:16:02 Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Well, you can't barbecue inside? No. That's called cooking, babes. Oh, yeah. Oh, my god. That's right over there.
Starting point is 00:16:09 Did you eat food? What's that? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Good time? Yeah, yeah. All right. All right.
Starting point is 00:16:14 What's wrong with you right now, bro? Yeah, what's going on? Yeah, you keep it all fucking shifting. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's totally shit. Is this like the movie Speed where you can't say a full sentence? So shit might happen?
Starting point is 00:16:25 Yeah. You're not high, right? No, no, no, no. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You good? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You look cute. Uh, thank you.
Starting point is 00:16:37 So, can I introduce him or no? Yeah, do it, let's do it. Oh, yeah, introduce him and then let him about what she was talking about, because that's interesting. I forgot what she was saying. About, you know, not being welcome. Oh, that's right, that's right, that's right, that's right.
Starting point is 00:16:49 She didn't feel welcomed or whatever. You know, Frankie Cuneo-ness? Yeah, Cuneo-ness, yeah. I said it right. Yeah. Frankie Cuneo-ness. Yeah. You mean, total fit?
Starting point is 00:17:00 Yeah. What am I? He's on the show. Hey, homie, what's it? Hey, fool. Hey, homie. Hey, homie. This fool.
Starting point is 00:17:07 This fool. This fool. I gotta move. He's on the show. Hey, homie. I know. He's on a very successful hit show. It's a great show.
Starting point is 00:17:14 It's a great show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fucking love, hey, homie. That's actually a good name, buddy. I know. Hey, homie. Hey, homie. Dude, you gotta steal their idea and do it.
Starting point is 00:17:24 Yeah, yeah. I wanna do hey, homie, dude. All right? Us three could do hey, homie. Well, we could do hey, homie. And we'll go on Hulu and compete against your show, bro. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:17:34 He's on this fool. Second season now or no? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys already shot it? We're like halfway through. Oh, so you're in the middle of production? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:17:43 Is it going well? Yeah, yeah, it's going good. Yeah, wow. You're really good on that show, man. Yeah. Oh, thank you. Yeah, very good. I actually had an audition for the show.
Starting point is 00:17:50 I didn't do it. I didn't do it. Why? Because I couldn't shoot the, I was out of town. I couldn't shoot the tape in the deadline or something. But it's cool too. Oh, don't you hate when that happens? Yes.
Starting point is 00:17:59 Dude, I don't get why the process is like that. They're like, hey, we want you for this part. We need it tomorrow by three p.m. Yes. Yes. Yeah, yes. I don't believe that. Yeah, unbelievable.
Starting point is 00:18:07 It was like this thing. I remember I had an audition for a movie that is coming out this year that was, that I got the audition like two years ago. Yeah. Right? And it was a quick turnaround. Like, hey, you gotta turn this in tomorrow.
Starting point is 00:18:18 Oh. Right, and I asked for an extra day because I was like flying back, right? And they're like, no, we got to do this right now. That shit did not get cast for another eight months. And I was like, come on, really? Like, you gotta give me another day. Dude, they're fucking liars.
Starting point is 00:18:33 They are. They're fucking liars. Yes. And it's like, we all fucking dance for them, right? Yeah. We want to see it now. And you know what I say to them, man? Fuck you.
Starting point is 00:18:42 Yeah, I had a feeling. You're not going to see it. We'll be poor and we're never going to make it. That's not what you say. What do I say? Yes, right now. And just start dancing. Oh, you think I'm a dancer?
Starting point is 00:18:53 Yeah, I'm a dancer. Oh, you fucking piece of shit, dude. You're right. I am a dancer. You want to meet the tape right now? All right. Yeah. I have done that.
Starting point is 00:19:03 At midnight. I have. But because when you're at my age, you're like, you hear the talk clicking. Talk clicking. Yeah. Yeah. Clock ticking.
Starting point is 00:19:11 Clock. Talk clicking. Another good thing for a show. Let me just see. Talk clicking. A talk show. Talk clicking. Hey, homie.
Starting point is 00:19:19 Talk clicking. Clock ticking. I fucked it up. It's OK. No, you didn't. You created magic. I just created magic. OK, so my point is, is this, right?
Starting point is 00:19:31 So you think this is my only shot? You know what I mean? Like in your 30s, you go, oh, I'm going to have opportunities. Oh, god. We had so I know. Don't I think back up of how many times I said no for auditions? Like what? By tomorrow?
Starting point is 00:19:46 No, fuck that. Just oh. Yeah. I'm not going to go in. I know. They got to give me more time. They won't give me more time, John. Well, then I'm fucking, I'm not going to go in.
Starting point is 00:19:54 But you regret it now. I should have just said. I know. I should have. That's a lesson to you. Fucking do it. Oh, I know. No, I'm very picky about the shit I do.
Starting point is 00:20:03 I say no all the time. Yeah. I know, but you're going to regret the no. That's what he just said. No, because you know what? You can either regret the no. Or you can regret the yeses because then you see the bullshit that you that you were done with that you did or shot.
Starting point is 00:20:16 Yeah, but you regret what the fuck you did. Hey, like, oh, let me say something to you. OK. Are you are you fucking mugging me right now? You're bloody popping right now. Fuck, what up? Hey, homie. Yeah, I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:20:31 You're right. You're right. You're right. You have integrity. No, here's the thing. Because even the shitty shit that you I've said yes to things, right? And it didn't turn out the way I thought it was going to turn out.
Starting point is 00:20:42 But you always learn from these situations. Yes. You meet or you always it's all about relationships. Yes, it is. This town, right? Yeah. So I've done shitty things and met somebody. And three years later, I've gotten a job out of the person
Starting point is 00:20:54 that I met. My point is that it's not all out the window and a waste of time. No, here's my thing. I am very like I have learned the industry has taught me that in order for me to be on TV, I have to write the thing myself for me. You know what I mean? No, that's because people for some reason can't write for me
Starting point is 00:21:15 because they make assumptions of who the fuck Latino character is not even me. So it's like this thing. I realized when I yes, when I had my sitcom, I was in every fucking audition. I was in the room at every audition and I would see their resumes as they came in. And I noticed that with the Latinos,
Starting point is 00:21:34 like the Latino men, Latino women, they didn't have comedy experience because we weren't writing for them. So how the fuck do you teach timing? How the fuck do you teach people how to act in sitcoms? If you're not casting, if you're not writing the parts. So for me, for me to be on TV, because at that point, you know, it's like people told me,
Starting point is 00:21:52 you'll never be on TV. You're fat. You got a crooked tooth. So for me, I was like, that's great. You don't have a crooked tooth. I fixed it, dude. Oh, she fixed it. That's it come money.
Starting point is 00:22:00 That's what it's it come money. Oh, my God. But it's that thing where people got that specific. The old, what is? Oh, damn. That's it. Oh, I know. But the thing is, is that like I had put it out of my mind
Starting point is 00:22:14 that I was ever going to be on TV because they told me I was never going to be on TV. But I wrote my show and I accidentally got on TV. Yeah. You know, so it's like this thing though. When I see like roles that come to me, I don't fit the box that they want for Latinas. So I end up getting a lot of sassy a lot of sassy roles
Starting point is 00:22:34 that end up getting cast by black women because I don't fit the box that they want. I always say that with Latinas, you're a sex pot. Everybody wants to fuck you. And then you have to go away and like slightly retire for 10, 15 years. And then you come back as the grandmother. So, Abuela.
Starting point is 00:22:49 Yeah. You know what I mean? Damn, that's the idea. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's always like, I'm Mija. I did not come to this country. So that you can do it. I love those characters.
Starting point is 00:22:56 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're the favorite part of the movie. I love it. Babble, one of the most exciting things about a new year is that you have no idea what adventures are in store for you. Man, I'm an adventure guy. I'm like Laura Croft. But I just do it in my house, you know?
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Starting point is 00:27:42 I'm going to jump back on what's auditions and roles and stuff. Go ahead. Well, no, I want you to go now because I'm going to we're going to a different direction. Oh, okay. You know what I've noticed recently with auditions for Mexican or Latino roles in general?
Starting point is 00:27:58 They've been requiring a lot of Spanish. And I'm out. That's out for me, man. That's it. But Frank is in, right? Frank is good. You did Spanish. I have to.
Starting point is 00:28:09 I could. I can't do like conversational, like getting interviewed in Spanish. I'll like fuck up. Oh, OK. You're kind of like me then. But I scripted. I could do.
Starting point is 00:28:15 Well, let me let me give you some sentences. I want to give you some sentences to see if you guys can do it. Let's do a fucking little game here. OK. All right. Excuse me. Where is the bathroom?
Starting point is 00:28:29 I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Yeah. No, we don't. But I wouldn't have. You should have asked me first
Starting point is 00:28:34 because I was just going to move and chop it. He just got a point. Yeah. I just already got to sign up for this shit, are you? Oh, am I playing? Because I'm Spanish in my first language. Well, what?
Starting point is 00:28:45 You just play. Because that was going to kill everybody out there. No. I raised my hand and then you went to him. Oh, my bad, my bad, my bad. How about just a little coffee or whatever? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you also said, excuse me.
Starting point is 00:28:58 So the correct thing would have been con permiso. Donde salvar? Oh, yeah, yeah. Con permiso. Ah, look at him. That's right. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:05 That's right, bro. See, I wouldn't be able to do that. I'd have to call my mom. Yeah. And then my mom would tell me how to say it. I would write it down phonetically, not in Spanish. I would write it down phonetically. But you grew up in farmland.
Starting point is 00:29:22 And my parents speak Spanish. Yeah. So what happened? I understand it. We just never, we, we, they didn't teach us Spanish. Were you part of the generation where your parents spoke Spanish, but they didn't want you speaking Spanish?
Starting point is 00:29:34 Because it was like, you got to get a job. No, in my neighborhood, it was like, like, there were a lot of people that spoke Spanish parents that had kids that wouldn't teach them English, because it almost seemed like. You mean Spanish? You know, I mean Spanish, because it almost felt in a weird way, and I don't mean this,
Starting point is 00:29:49 but it's like, like, it's like, it's almost like a promotion. Like they were here in the United States. Sure. You know what I mean? Yeah, this is why this is what happened. My dad, you know, my mom is a stay at home mom. My dad's like, I'll work, you know, back in the day, right?
Starting point is 00:30:00 It's back in the old school style. So he, he told my mom, you teach them Spanish at home. But then my mom said, no, I don't want to teach them Spanish because she thought we would have an accent. And when she was growing up, they put all the Mexican kids in the back who had, who had accents. They put them in the back of the class. So my mom was like, no, I don't want them to have any accents.
Starting point is 00:30:24 So which is not true. It is true. Look, look what I'm at. She doesn't have an accent. They put me here in the back of the, of the podcast. You see, they do. Yeah, yeah. I don't understand the vibe.
Starting point is 00:30:34 You're from there. You're not even funny, but you're Spanish, right? You're the one that fucking colonize the fucking thing. I know, exactly. Because I colonize the fucking thing. That's why I can't even do this podcast. I fucking knock you out. You knock you out, bro.
Starting point is 00:30:48 Hey, man. And that's not a Mexican either, Carlos. Are you Mexican real? These are real Mexicans here. I'm really Mexican. My parents are from Mexico City. All right. Yeah. Well, he's got his blood.
Starting point is 00:30:58 He's got his ancestors. Right. Is what and you guys had as to see, I would have been an Aztec warrior, dude, if it hadn't been for his ancestors coming over. Franky and I would have been freaking warriors, bro. So anyway, so get this. Let me tell you what happened.
Starting point is 00:31:15 So I did one. I think it was for that show. I did audition for that show. Hey, homie. Hey, homie. Hey, homie. Hey, homie is so hot. It's got to be we got to do something.
Starting point is 00:31:28 Anyway, Hentified. Remember that series? Yes. Yes. Yes. But they required they even asked at one point, when you're done with the audition, like after you do your read, we want you to do 30 seconds, a minimum of a convert.
Starting point is 00:31:41 Tell us about yourself in Spanish. Minimum of 30 seconds, dude. So Rob de Rocha helped me. I had to have Rob de Rocha come over because he's fluent. OK. So and then I'm doing it in poor guys, like he's trying to help me.
Starting point is 00:31:56 Then there was a couple of lines and I have I got I got to post this one of these days. But I read my line in Spanish and Rob starts to deliver his line and he just starts laughing. Like he's like so bad. It was that bad. And in I read my line,
Starting point is 00:32:12 whatever it was. That's great. That's great, Johnny. And he goes. I don't understand everything you said. I don't understand you. So what would you say again? What you just said?
Starting point is 00:32:28 I don't remember what it was. But it was something. Pen up, pen up, pen up, pen up. Pen up, pen up, pen up, pen up, pen up. Pen up, pen up, pen up, pen up, pen up, pen up. Something like that and it is. Verda or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:35 And then Rob, Rob starts to go, see, you go take it. And he starts laughing his ass off. I go, what happened? He goes, dude, it's just, yeah, you're not sick. Like I don't because I. And because he did that in the audition, you probably fucked yourself up.
Starting point is 00:32:49 Oh, that was it. That was it right there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, you know, it was a home date. You go in with that. But no, no, no. Oh, it was tape. It was tape and you send it in.
Starting point is 00:32:57 But still, he just kind of went. He took the best out of all the bad, all the bad ones. And he just goes, I would send that one. He goes, besides white people are going to think maybe if the producers aren't Latino or they're not Mexican, they might think it's OK. But I've been seeing a lot of Spanish in auditions, dude. And that's just that it's a, it's a, I can't do that.
Starting point is 00:33:21 I can't do that. But you can. Dude, I had not. I cannot have conversation. Like he said, I can't have a conversation. Look at the Australians, right? That learn how to speak in an American accent. But that's an accent.
Starting point is 00:33:32 No, that's not an accent. I'm not speaking the whole language. I mean, that's, I mean, you know. Hey, look at me. I'm speaking Spanish right now. That's different. I am so fluent in Spanish. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:33:40 Remember that time at the place? I was crazy, man. Freaking. It turns out I was Spanish all along. It's delicious in your heart. It's like a nice hand in my blood. You know what I'm saying? I'm dead.
Starting point is 00:33:51 I'm dead. So if you had an audition, and it's, oh, you do speak Korean, right? No. OK. Yeah, that's so, yeah, yeah. So could you, could you go in a, if it's, if it's an audition and you're supposed to have a conversation back and forth,
Starting point is 00:34:05 would you be able to? No. OK. No. No, no, no, no. So do you get hit up for auditions like that? Yeah. But my agent's not go, he's not going to do it.
Starting point is 00:34:12 Yeah. OK. They already know. Yeah. Because I can't, I've tried it. Even my Asian accent sucks. I have two types. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:34:19 High and low. That sounds like an Asian's name. How are you, how are you doing today? Like Chinese, you know what I mean? Yeah. You know what I mean? And then, and then you do that Japanese thing a lot. What?
Starting point is 00:34:30 So that, that, so, yeah, yeah, yeah. But sometimes I think, but can I pivot now a little bit or no? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just wanted to say that I'm noticing this is not been good for me lately because there, I don't know what's going on and why everybody's requiring Spanish these roles. But, you know, look at Pedro Pascal and these guys, dude. I mean, they're, they're, they're already fluent.
Starting point is 00:34:52 So it's, so I got to write my, in other words, kind of, kind of going off of what Cristela was talking about. For me, I, it's, I feel like I have to do the same thing because they're not going to write shit for a coconut, dude. They don't want, Hollywood doesn't want coconut. You're slaying people what coconut is. Brown in the outside, white on the inside. I'm a banana.
Starting point is 00:35:09 You're a banana. Yeah. Filipinos are Twinkies. Portals are Twinkies, yeah. Yeah. What are you? Well, same thing. Coconut.
Starting point is 00:35:17 You say pocho is like a, you know, Americanized machine. Yeah, but pocho is bad. That's a, that's a, that's a, that's a low dig. It is? I used to get fights over pocho, dude, when I was in school. It's similar to coconut, though, yeah. Yeah, but isn't it coconut sounds worse. A couple of implications there that you're kind of crazy.
Starting point is 00:35:34 Okay. Okay. Cause we said, uh, Koreans, a banana, right? Filipinos, Twinkie, we know Blacks Oreo, right? Can I just say something? Wait, wait, let me get this one out. Guess what? I found out Native Americans call the white, white wash ones.
Starting point is 00:35:51 What? Radish. How great is that one? That's great because of red. Yeah. Wow. Red on the outside, white on the end. Oh, I didn't know.
Starting point is 00:35:58 A Native American. Why is it all about food? I know, I know. These are some fucking hungry generalizers. Yeah. But when they say white in the inside, it's not white. We're American. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:36:12 But why do they always like say, they call white one. They just say white wash. We live, we were born. I was born in America. Yeah. And I'm an American. Yeah. You know what I, you know what I, I don't call myself a Mexican.
Starting point is 00:36:24 But you know what I consider a Mexican American? What? Is somebody who was born in Mexico and then came here and became, and then got their citizenship and became or Armenian, American. I was calling myself American Mexican when I was in school and everybody laughed at me back then. Yeah. You guys love Antonio Penderas.
Starting point is 00:36:41 Antonio Penderas. Oh my God. Dude, I love Antonio Penderas. Yeah, he's great. Is he Mexican? No. No, he's not. He's not my bad.
Starting point is 00:36:50 He's Spanish, right? Yeah, he's Spanish. Is he? Yeah, he's my bad my bad. He's Andres' uncle. What? He's Andres' uncle. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:36:58 Dude, that, that, that, I remember that preview from the trailer from interview with a vampire back in the day. We used to die laughing because the announcer would be like, you know, Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, and Antonio Penderas. No, he's not. We're like, oh, that's just so, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, was he was in the movie?
Starting point is 00:37:17 Yeah. Yes. Interview with a vampire. He was, wait, he was a Spanish vampire? His art man. Oh, that's right. I haven't seen that in so long. I forgot about that.
Starting point is 00:37:27 It's so good. It's a good movie. I haven't seen it in years, but I remember loving it. Can we pivot a little bit more? Yeah. Do you have anything else to say about the topic of auditioning at the time? No, but I was going to say.
Starting point is 00:37:40 We're not going to talk about it again. No, no. I just want to say, remember, one time on Mad. Oh my god. Cole, I was supposed to come out. They were doing a fake thing that Mad was going over to Mexico. Mad TV. Yeah, the show was going to start airing.
Starting point is 00:37:53 We were both on Mad TV. Yeah. And so Colton Dunn, love Colton, right? Great writer, actor. Cole, that's the whole idea. I don't like this. You're just, you're just going through the motion. So I get this over with.
Starting point is 00:38:06 He's telling for a new generation who's watching the podcast. Oh, got it. That's true. They don't even know about it. He wrote a monologue for me to come out, and I was going to do it. So he wrote it in English, and then he just hit translate. The translation.
Starting point is 00:38:21 Johnny, Johnny. I don't know what kind of Spanish that was. All right. There were words in there. I was like, what is this? And Colton's like, I just hit translation on Google. You were so funny on that show. I was so proud to work with you.
Starting point is 00:38:33 It was fun. Yeah. It was a fun two years. Yeah. Yeah. Go on. You know what? That was, that you could cut out.
Starting point is 00:38:41 No, we're not. That last piece. No, we're keeping it in. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pivot Panic. Pivot Panic. Pivot Panic.
Starting point is 00:38:48 All right, Bobby. What you got now? He holding me up for so long. Pivot Panic. Yeah, pivot. I'm going to pivot right now a little bit. You about to pivot? Now I kind of don't want to pivot.
Starting point is 00:39:03 Now I feel like the pivot's not going to work. No, no. You got to pivot. Do you have any desire to learn, speak more Korean? Or are you just like, ah, I am Korean. That's it. Well, I just don't know how that would help me. Oh, OK.
Starting point is 00:39:14 Because Koreans are doing well in movies, but the Koreans in Korea are making their movies. I'll never be as good as them to be in a movie like that. So it's like, and I don't really get Asian parts anymore. I'm just like, I think I'm more known as a slackery kind of fuck up. You know what I mean? And so I'm getting kind of those stonery kind of.
Starting point is 00:39:35 Which is actually a really cool place to be at. Yeah. I've always liked that. So once you become a type, you could work forever. I mean, some of those actors that are character actors, they're a type. Like Luis Guzman. This dude has worked because he's always
Starting point is 00:39:54 going to be when they go, hey, we need kind of like a sloppy Hispanic dude. It's Luis Guzman, dude. They're going to go to Luis every single time. He's a type. He's been a type for 30 years. But even if I'm on Reservation Dogs and I play a doctor, I'm the same kind of as the magnum pig.
Starting point is 00:40:11 I'm just a bad guy. Yeah. Pivot? Pivot. Pivot. Every time I start talking, it's pivot time. Because you talk a lot. I've actually been.
Starting point is 00:40:21 OK. I talk a lot. I talk a lot. I talk a lot. No, I talk a lot. My bad. I don't know why that. I love you.
Starting point is 00:40:29 I have talked the most. Yeah. It was. But I can't attack her. Yeah, you can. No. But she's bringing up great points. She's making an entry.
Starting point is 00:40:37 You guys are killing it. This is so fun. Thanks so much for being there. That just seemed. No. I mean, it's so fucking fun. Oh, I love it. OK.
Starting point is 00:40:45 Thank you. OK. All right. Pivot. He only pointed to us because you were late. Yeah. No, I love you. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:40:53 No, I don't. Bro, bro, bro. You have family time. I know. I know. I was. I was relieved to see they were here, though, because when you, you know, George and me was like, yeah, they're going to have Mexican day.
Starting point is 00:41:04 Bad friends. I was like, what? Yeah. Yeah. Mexican day. Who'd you think was going to be here? I was like, oh, I don't know. Like a big old homie.
Starting point is 00:41:12 OK, by the way. I wasn't even told that it was Mexican day. Oh, you were? When I told you it was with the two people that they're on here, do you didn't make that assumption? No. I just thought that we were comics. Oh, you're right.
Starting point is 00:41:24 Yeah. He told me. I was like, I'm going to come here and it's a fucking like. I didn't do this fucking thing. The Spanish fuckers did this. They turned up to betray you. It's a betrayal. Again, the Spanish.
Starting point is 00:41:38 So I always think to myself, if I see a Western or whatever, right, I think to myself, oh, if I was an Asian back then and who I am now. Yeah. With all my eccentric behaviors and who I am. What would I do like a hundred years ago? What job would I have? A woman would I have as a wife, you know, in America? What do you guys think you'd be doing?
Starting point is 00:42:01 I would. I would have. Oh, like if I grew up with my dad's era, my dad was born in 1935. Yeah. Um, I probably would have been like him, like a lot of labor work. Oh, that's instruction. Pull plastic. You're little too.
Starting point is 00:42:16 So what's that got to do with it? What's that? Yeah. What does that have to do with construction? Because if I owned the farm, I would just go. Yeah. You know, you would have went to an interim camp and not even being Japanese. You probably would have been such an intern.
Starting point is 00:42:36 That's good. Because they would have just been like, we don't care if you're Korean. I'm pretty sure there were some Koreans there. Like, what are we doing here? Right. Yeah. Like that. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:42:46 So you would be working. I would be. I know, right? You know, it's actually, that does sound like a Mexican accent. If you did the whole like, what are you doing here? Yeah, go up. Yeah, go up. What are you doing here?
Starting point is 00:43:00 What about you, Christella? Um, I think I already know what you'd be. But go ahead. I come from a family that's very old fashioned. My dad kidnapped my mom and like her village in Mexico. Your dad kidnapped your mom. That's how people got married back then. Wow, the simpler day.
Starting point is 00:43:21 Imagine if you were still unfuckable in those days. No. What if my kidnap skills aren't good? No. You have to lure. You would have no choice. I just back you away. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:43:33 No, the man would just go to the house and make the woman go with him and the woman had no option. So that's my mom. So I would say that if she eventually fall in love with your dad. No. No, no, no. My mom was actually the first woman in her family to ever leave her husband. She tried to leave him and she went to her brother and her brother took her back to the
Starting point is 00:43:55 husband. Of course. That was abusive. And he said, your job as a woman is to be his wife. Poor women did back then. To me, that's what I would say my life would be. My life would be to just, I was raised as a kid in Texas to make sure that my brothers were taken care of.
Starting point is 00:44:12 All the men, you know, had more rights than I was, and that's why it's kind of weird. But I get to do stand up and that I've gotten to the place that I've been at because it's a total 180 from where I grew up in, you know, so like for me, I wasn't saying you're going to be a community organizer or something. You see like one of those people that would like with the far, you know, that's a far like, you know, you need better rights, you know, back in the day, half my life is that like right now that's what, like I'm going to DC tomorrow to do a anyway, what about you, Frankie?
Starting point is 00:44:42 I was going to go to DC tomorrow to, you know, to put my feet around someone's dick. He wasn't here. He wasn't here. He wasn't here. He wasn't here. He wasn't here. He wasn't here. I was like, oh, he wasn't here.
Starting point is 00:44:59 I'm sorry, Frankie, that's my side hustle. I see Frankie's friend. Well, I proposed this earlier. I'm sorry. Hey, homie. That's part of that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If somebody DM'd you and said, hey, bro, I'm a big fan, you know, I'm a billionaire,
Starting point is 00:45:13 right? How much would I have to pay you? I don't know. I don't know. I'm a billionaire. Talk like that. Hey, bro. I'm a big fan.
Starting point is 00:45:22 I'm a billionaire. He invented low riders. He invented low riders. Hey, bro. I invented low riders and Mariachi. Yeah. Mariachi. Mariachi.
Starting point is 00:45:30 Just one. Mariachi. Yeah, 500 years old Mariachi. Yeah, man. Is that a guitar or a singer or a player? Mariachi? Yes. It's like the whole crew.
Starting point is 00:45:44 Yeah. It's a group. Oh, a Mariachi is a group. Yeah, the Mariachi's. So if like one guy's at whatever. You're still a Mariachi. You could still be a single Mariachi. Morgan and Morgan.
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Starting point is 00:49:01 That's BetterHelp, BetterHELP.com slash Bad Friends. What would you do if you learned your best friend is in an abusive relationship or your sister or your colleague? Would you know what to do? One thing you can do right now is listen to our new podcast. It's called Signal for Help, and it's from the Canadian Women's Foundation and Media Girlfriends. Ending gender-based violence is going to take all of us, and you need to know what to do.
Starting point is 00:49:31 Start by opening your podcast app and following Signal for Help. You'd love to invest on your own, but how? Well, with Questrade, we don't just give you all the tools you need. We also give you tutorials and how-to videos to teach you how to use them. Follow the Quest Mobile app today and start investing in your RSP. And if I was a cartoon, you would see a light bulb and then you would see that would vanish you see a rabbit right and then I'm like rabbit time right and I'll do it
Starting point is 00:50:59 for like 20 stages hard right like hard and the I don't know what their faces are like but it's I don't think they like it I think they're like this is weird yeah it's too fast it's too fast for him I think I'm doing it for her but probably no it's not for her it's not for her at all that right there when you start doing that they think that it's all about you and you're interested in getting it off and you're not gonna do shit for her because it's true no because because you're saying that when I rabbit fog at the end of my rabbit fucking there's come it's not no I go back to slow for no it's not offensive
Starting point is 00:51:50 because I'm saying that's what they think at that moment I start going back in the slow form I would say so I would say so yeah yeah it's kind of when you're playing a video game and you're a full power of your character rabbit fuck is full power and then you're like oh I gotta like wait to load up again right right the little energy bar kind of yeah you gotta like take it to the edge yeah like you gotta find like a life support shit or something yeah some crates you know I'm old and I'm not in shape yeah I can rabbit fuck for days my early 20s I pictured you a vibrator no it's not
Starting point is 00:53:04 I'm not the flash you're writing your own Yelp review I never asked I always pictured you as a I'm just gonna lay on my back and have the girl ride you you seem like that kind of guy I just I totally would not picture you doing the sewing machine because you're late you know you even say you don't like to do anything like a lazy wow he's like Bobby's accepting all of this he's like really processing this yeah you know what's weird when they say something you laugh hysterically I say what you're saying I think about right because it's very potent what you're saying and real and I'm trying to analyze what you're
Starting point is 00:54:04 saying that's why oh yeah yeah yeah cuz you do like me you know a girl on top true but can I say something right now my friend yeah my old friend you get amigo yeah you can wrap it style from the bottom what's about you're doing the under power thrust under curging right I will tell you this I think that women or maybe me yeah when I meet a guy I imagine how they're gonna fuck right and sometimes I don't want to fuck them by what they look like all right yeah this is great have you ever been surprised though when you thought you had a homie figure out when I say let me disclaim it when I say by what they
Starting point is 00:54:55 look like I don't mean physical looks I mean by like like when you were saying the slacker thing yeah like I agreed with you we you don't know Frankie Johnny or me no right we're at a fucking we could be at a bar or a quinceañera whatever you want whatever you want in this scenario okay let's go bar all right okay so we're at a bar right in Albuquerque been there love okay so we're in a bar in Albuquerque right we're homies yeah that's where we walk in yeah hey homie you know how we do right and you're looking at us so go to Johnny first how would he fuck just based on his luck and be real Johnny's a strong guy
Starting point is 00:55:47 he's a comic legend I would say that Johnny likes to take his time in a good way I think that just by looking at him I know that he's not like he's not in his 20s so he actually has been around where he might have picked up a couple lessons like a lot of tips so I think that for me like you know what if I saw Johnny at a bar and like we were in that realm I'd be like you know what I would maybe chance it you know what I mean I would probably you know it's like because because of the it's like what and by the way question like when I say that I assume like you know that I guess what the guys are and stuff I also mean that
Starting point is 00:56:31 I've talked to them a little bit too you know what I mean so okay you want to get some conversations going on I just wanted to have that okay but you know kind of vaguely what he talks like yeah I would be like just from that and like what he looks like I would be like he might be you know he might be like a decent fuck Frankie Frankie I think how do you feel right now she's pretty spot-on and I'll tell you let me tell you why yeah I don't know if it's cuz I was raised the three older sisters no brothers oh here we go I'm I take care of the woman first it's all about her
Starting point is 00:57:19 people rarely do that yeah I know no men men don't it's all about them so I take my I've always I'm not I'm not lying I've been told I'm very one one word that's been used for me for years and years passionate and I'm very passionate oh yeah yeah I take my time I make sure she's all right yeah yeah yeah I do that too dog all right let's go to Frankie now now I would think that Frankie if we were at a bar I would be excited to see him if we talk I'm like oh you know what this could go either way you can either be really great but I doubt it because I actually think that he's the kind of guy that would that would probably have a
Starting point is 00:58:07 couple choices and when people have a couple choices they don't really focus on one person because they're spreading it around so it's saying is I don't have any choices I've never been a guy that's had a bunch of options I've never been a woman that's had a lot of options he's lying well I I'm telling the truth you're lying that was only because you're lying me perform and I was young when he was young and the hottest comic in LA this guy you see the hottest comic I like when he says this leather jacket I used to watch you from the back I go this guy's a rock
Starting point is 00:59:05 star yeah a fucking rock star but that but the girls are hooked up with me because I was on stage Bobby that's enough of about that no pain coming so I need some support that's why I look at Carlos I know some pains coming I'm not gonna lock eyes with you during this segment Carlos right and I'm not gonna have any expressions and I'm gonna take it like a man go ahead since you said that we had already talked I think that I would consider you very hard to impress on my end I think that you're actually somebody that you know because you think that you're not fuckable or whatever but the way that you talk you're
Starting point is 00:59:58 actually somebody that's very intimidating towards a woman so because like the way that you talk you're not playing any games that that the women are used to you are not like you are not what women are used to dealing with so they don't know what to do with you so like imagine like you know that's why when Johnny was saying that you look like a like because you give off the slacker vibes you would expect that the woman would be like dominant meaning that you want to be dominant and like not doing anything because and that is actually very confusing because at this point it's just like wait I either a I'm
Starting point is 01:00:32 gonna have to do all the work because you seem like you don't give a shit enough like like where you're just like happy you're like calm you're where you are like whatever but when I talk to you it's just like man does he want to fuck or not and it's that thing we're like so when we actually get to have sex fuck yeah you know it's like I don't it's a riddle because I'll tell you this I will say I was a mind game I'm a Batman villain you're a henchman like you wait your turn you know what you're a henchman because people don't know shit about the backstory of the henchman and that's you oh wow you know what I mean
Starting point is 01:01:16 everybody but I am evil you got you got a bad side to you oh there we go but with Bobby do you think the end result would be satisfying or you'd be doing a too much work there is no answer because Bobby I will say fucking Bobby is having like is get buying a candy that's a mystery flavor and you don't know like a Harry Potter candy I don't know anything about Harry Potter but like airheads they have a mystery flavor that's like question mark you're like yeah what is it like you would be I'm a mystery player he's like somebody that I wouldn't know which way it's gonna go right yeah yeah like I could have a dig
Starting point is 01:01:50 or a platypus foot you definitely have a dick like you know what it is it's like I would either expect that like when you tell people like like I could either be like fucking Bobby Lee yeah that's a fuck you Frankie fuck you Frankie I'll never saw you this interesting you know what because you know I was actually saying this right I think right before we started recording it's like the reason I said like when Bobby asked me to be on the podcast today I said yes I like Bobby a lot because he's no bullshit so it's that thing where like he doesn't hold back he's very him so like that's the thing that for me I'm like whatever he
Starting point is 01:02:33 says goes and it's just like and that's how you know who he is so at a bar if I saw you and we talked I'm like that's what like at least I know who the fuck you are you're not telling me that you're looking for something serious you're not trying like just to get me like just to try to get me back into like no small now now it's our turn I don't mean the pivot but she was talking about villains and I just want to ask a question because I find myself ever since I was a kid I always gravitated to the villains and not the heroes me to okay like when I remember watching the first you know the very first Star Wars
Starting point is 01:03:17 and you know there's Luke there's Han Solo whatever I just was like nothing nothing I'm just like this as soon as I saw Darth Vader hmm I'm like there's my guy and I've always been I've I just lean toward I love the Riddler I love the Joker's my favorite villain because they're complex characters I mean you look at Travis Bickle from Taxi Driver right yeah I mean what a dark character but you're on his side because a lot of his issues you kind of relate to you know the isolation the overthinking you know you know I if I wasn't a stand-up comic and had the life that I had I could see myself not become a killer
Starting point is 01:03:57 or anything like that but I could see myself going dark and thinking a lot and I mean that weird inner thoughts you know I mean I just don't act on them and whatnot but I relate to those characters me too is that what it is maybe that's yeah I think that to me it's kind of like I see certain villains as an underdog well and it's because the way that we show the good the quote-unquote good how you're supposed to be kind of like the good team the good side is always very like oh man they're just perfect vanilla like they're just oh man look at like they have the looks they have everything it's kind of like I
Starting point is 01:04:32 always go back to like bad news bears right it's like a team of just like these like people that come in together and try to make it work and like they're seen as the underdog and a lot of the villains Darth Vader to me is kind of like a different thing because if you look at the merchandising Darth Vader is just so dominant over the good side because the good side has so many heroes yeah but we always go back to Darth Vader right so he's dominant right but it's that thing where like you're so empathy there because you have the emperor yes right so you know he's not you know he's being manipulated to from
Starting point is 01:05:09 a guy above a hundred a hundred percent and then he had a lot of trauma as a young kid right yeah yeah when you see the prequels you actually start thinking like oh when you see Anakin's rise you're thinking oh now I know why he's Darth you know and you kind of can't like what is it with like like Princess Amidalia or whatever it's like you know you start seeing and you're like fuck like now I get why he's a dick you know what I mean yeah to me that's why like when we get to delve into the villains and honestly I think that the villains the villains and the heroes those are labels that we create but in
Starting point is 01:05:45 our everyday life we have villains and we have heroes that we label because the heroes are nice to us and the villains aren't and sometimes the villains aren't nice to us because maybe we're the villains back to them you know so I love that kind of yeah I'm probably a villain when I drink right Bobby I changed to the villain yeah yeah that's interesting yeah yeah you know you said you brought up teams like the bad news bear when I was a kid my dad 49er fan right so I had the wrong outfit you could finish I promise you'll finish let me just okay right you're pivot king and I love it yeah I love to see you work okay all
Starting point is 01:06:31 right let's go on baseball now no no no let me just say this I'm not gonna go in a base what I was but when I so I'm a 49er fan right the colors gold red white it's at the bright I started watching the Raiders they were mean they were dirty they cheated and they were black they were in black and I just fell in love with that team did and I'm jerseys were black they were all they had a lot their hair was outside of their helmets I mean they were called mullets the day didn't even that wasn't even mullets this is the seven this is the 70s so I remember I switched to the you know broke my dad's heart the rest of my
Starting point is 01:07:12 family all nine are fans all of them and I went to the dark just because like she said she liked the bad news I love the Raiders because they were they were they were mean and dirty dude and I as a kid I was just like and I think that's because I have got picked on a lot you know what I mean because I was the smallest kid in the class little guy you know it's funny is that my family I'm the only Cowboys fan everybody my family Steelers and I told you yeah well because I want to say that in the 70s they had an exhibit game or something in Mexico and my family we just became in love with like the Steelers and because
Starting point is 01:07:48 I was born and was raised in Texas I picked Cowboys and it's just that thing where like your family doesn't understand why it's almost like you have a like like this problem yeah yeah man yeah but anyway I just was curious about villains people with I just didn't know but I guess other people do that and gravitate towards I love Bobby's facial expressions throughout all of it he hides nothing like you're you talk about trying to change it he's like oh okay yeah but how come he keeps doing that face when I talk nobody else can I I'll be on it completely honest with you can I be honest with you yeah yeah Bobby
Starting point is 01:08:27 of course because I know you the best mm-hmm I have a long history yeah right and yeah I mean I I love you man like if we visited his like if we visited Bobby's house Frankie and I would use the guest bathroom oh you're in the main yeah you're like you get to use my soaps we do go back man you know I met you and I we met in 98 I know I know that's 25 years ago it's insane 25 those 98 man I was gonna add 10 no you're thinking 90 you're thinking 88 how old do you think we are well apparently from your stories well I'm older than Bobby yeah yeah I mean I was enamored by you yeah anyway and I was
Starting point is 01:09:31 the only one nice to Bobby at the comedy store let me just say this okay great episode oh are we done yeah no great episode chemistry was great yeah I generally don't laugh that hard but with these these ones when I do this kind he was gonna say these ones like these one was so fun too oh yeah and they're just so you like the theme you like the theme ones not just themed I like being it with you know people that I like that are funny and seeing what the mixture because even the last one I didn't know what the mixture would be like it just could have gone around yeah yeah I mean yeah I even called Carlos
Starting point is 01:10:08 and I go I don't know what this mixture is gonna be like yeah I mean so um but it was it's just beyond you know I mean expectation Johnny can you look at this camera and say gracias por ser malos amigos say that again gracias por ser malos amigos gracias gracias por ser malos amigos malos amigos para parcias gracias oh gracias you said like you said parcias that's all I would say is that cover it because what he's trying to say is the way we close the show somebody looks in the camera goes thank you for being a bad friend oh that's right okay oh gracias
Starting point is 01:11:15 por ser malos apacios go ahead gracias don't help them again just do whatever comes out okay go ahead gracias gracias por ser malos amigos

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