Bad Friends - Incel Interior Decorator

Episode Date: September 1, 2026

Get MORE Bad Friends at our Patreon!! https://www.patreon.com/c/badfriends Thank you to our Sponsors: Ethos, Mountain Dew, Shopify, QUO & TalkSpace • Ethos: Get your free quote at https://ethos.com/badfriends • Mountain Dew: Get out there and enjoy the outdoors with Mountain Dew. An American Original. Tasting Great Since ’48. Look for Mountain Dew in stores near you. • Shopify: Sign up for your free trial at https://shopify.com/badfriends • QUO: Try QUO for free PLUS get 20% off your first 6 months when you go to https://quo.com/BADFRIENDS. • TalkSpace: As a listener of this podcast, you'll get $80 off of your first month with Talkspace when you go to https://Talkspace.com/Badfriends and enter promo code SPACE80. YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube Audio Subscribe: https://apple.co/31Jsvr2 Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com 3:25 Whoop Whoop 7:30 Rudy's Apology 12:30 Filipino Ms.Rachel 20:00 Incel Interior Decoratior 30:00 Annie, Are You Okay? 35:00 Dog Days 40:30 Eating KFC in Bed 45:30 Homemade Tomatoes 49:00 Phantom Smells 54:00 Corporate Comedy 58:00 More Screens, Less S*x 1:03:00 Bobby's Piss Mugs 1:10:00 Egg Behavior 1:13:30 Banana Bread & Kimchi Donuts More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbylee.live More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Fancy SOS VHS: https://www.youtube.com/@7equis Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fancyb.1 More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: 7EQUIS https://www.7equis.com/ Podcast Producer: Andrés Rosende This video contains paid promotion. #bobbylee #andrewsantino #badfriends #sponsored #ad Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When West Jet first took flight in 1996, the vibes were a bit different. People thought denim on denim was peak fashion, inline skates were everywhere, and two out of three women rocked, the Rachel. While those things stayed in the 90s, one thing that hasn't is that fuzzy feeling you get when WestJet welcomes you on board. Here's to WestJetting since 96. Travel back in time with us and actually travel with us at westjet.com slash 30 years. We had our friends, we spoke with our friends,

and they had a little submission over at part of my take. I want you to hear this. Put on your headphones. It's an interesting, interesting thickening the plot over here, maybe. Let's hear it. Andrew Santino, bad friends, great show. Out on all platforms, Apple, Spotify, YouTube, great guy. Andrew Santino, shout to him.

All right, so I won't get into details. But if you were to say you can't pick Bobby or Andrew Santino as your favorite parts of the bad friends podcast, what would be your third favorite or in one favorite, first favorite part? I'll go with the fancy in the booth. Shout to him. Great guy. Wait. He's a film producer.

Does a lot of fun videos. Who else is in the booth? Film producer? Yeah. I think they have a three-man booth. That's probably that. All men. Yeah, the booth.

Yeah, a lot of men in the booth. Yeah. Shout to the booth. Do they have any producers? They got reoccurring guests. I think the lady who plays in the band on Kill Tony is recurring once upon a time. What about the girl who's obsessed with eating on crustables that we could maybe have you go out on a date with? Oh, no.

She sits on the inflatable couches. not the booth. Oh, yeah, great show. What a show. You guys should all check it out. It's great show. I don't know.

She loves Uncrucibles. I will say great snack choice. Yeah. Uncrucible's fantastic sandwich. You have great eyes. I've got a, I actually have it. Well, I don't know if I have any more because I did move. I did have an uncrustable puncher, so I could make uncrustables at home.

Oh, you had your own? Yeah. They make ones you can just punch them out. Fuck yeah. Yeah. So you can do with ham and cheese and peanut butter and jelly. Sounds like you guys would make a great couple. I, great show.

They run a great program. Oh my God, he likes you. He likes you. He really likes you. Yeah, yeah. He got scared. Yeah, that is true, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

We should do a collab. So, we got to do a call. Pause it on him. Yeah. Who is this? Pause it on him. Shut up to, uh, it's Fat Andrew. They should be a bad friend.

You don't know Fat Andrew? This gentleman has a big crush on you. Yeah. And he's, he's perhaps shooting his shot is what I feel like it is. That's what it feels like. He's a really nice kid. I met him. So Uncrustibles, you like them?

I don't even know that. There's not an uncustable. the house. She ate them on the Burt pod when those guys came on the show. That's right. That's right. She ate like six on camera. Okay. There he is. So here's Zach right there. Would you go on a date with Zach perhaps, Rudy?

That could be... Um, he I like his eyes. You like his eyes. That's a good start. That's... Caribbean blue is what I call it. Are you interested in maybe going on a date with this man? If we set this up, the guy and left, he's got a big, big crush on you. He was too shy to say it to me when I met him. But now we know the truth. Maybe. What does

he do it? He's a producer for that show. for part of my take. He's a producer, and he's very good his job, unlike the producers that we have on this show. I like the ham and cheese idea. You like the ham and cheese uncrustable idea. Yeah. So this is something we can move forward on,

perhaps if we can get a merging of maybe... Where does he live, this guy? Chicago. It's not going to work. I think it is. She doesn't like winter. We'll travel for love is what Zach said. Okay.

So that's him on the right. Cool guy. Cool guy. Dress as well, good style, smart, sweet, funny. Yeah, very funny guy. So what do we think? Rudy, can we maybe do a date? Yeah, maybe.

We love Zach very much. He's the man. we'll set up a little date for you guys. Because you might like him. His style is cool. So is that a yes? Yeah. Wow.

You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? White dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. You two or something. We're bad friends. Welcome to another episode of bad friends. I'm your captain, Robert Younglee.

And I'm on the shore saying, pick me up. Pick me up. And I'm going to pick you up as soon as the fog. Whoop, whoop. Exactly. Hey, can we go to an ICP show at some point? Whoop, whoop. I want to get sprayed with Fago and get soaked in sugar water.

Have you not seen these concerts? They look so fun. I want to who whoop, whoop, whoop, dude. Whoop, whoop. You know who ICB is? Hamburger. What? What's ICP?

Well, I got it. It's closely related to urinary track infections. Is it? That's ICP. That's the insane clown posse in the shows are all over the internet again. Yeah. Because they spray everybody with Fago.

Exhibit number one. Can we go to... It's pop. It's soda. Soda pop. And that's fun. That's fun. Look, they're spraying everybody. They're spraying everybody with soda pop.

And they all wear makeup. I do grape. I was at this. Yeah, yeah. You were orangeed up on this. Fanta? I was here. Yeah, yeah, he was fanted up on this.

I was playing a show in D.C. And someone goes, there's an ICP gathering at the No reflecting pole Dude, no this is back in the day This isn't recent Because they went there before And I went and I was there

I was there Yeah I got UTI there Urinated Urinated tract infection ICP insane clompos You never heard of them before No

No Well Rudy Jules is back on the show Give it up Rudy Jules And I want to say Welcome back And I live with her And I You know she said

What did she say When your mom left You're gonna clean You're gonna do everything that she's done, right? Let's, can we go to, um, all the towels? All that, all that.

Can we go to, can we go to exhibit number one? This is, this is my fridge. Okay, this is my fridge. And my fridge is supposed to be stacked with sugar-free red bowls, Diet Coke, and bottles of water. And what we got here, Exhibit A is an ice doom on the side.

Right. So we got one of those ice dunes that you love. And then, um, yeah, so nothing in there. Exhibit number two, please. No towels. This is supposed to be packed with towel. That's fake. It's not fake.

I restock your towels all the time. Too late. Too late. I feel like you just take out the towel. No. No, no, no, no, no. He used this too many towels. Exhibit number three, please.

You went from A to two to three. You know what this is? Warts, foot warts. It's very close. Yeah. Yeah. It's she let Huli. out when my girlfriend was over.

Mm-hmm. So we're supposed to coordinate. Julio goes ape shit crazy. And bites her. And bites her in the fucking foot, and she starts crying. Can I be honest? It's small.

It's not that bad. Yeah, yeah. But that's her fault. No, that's not her. Julio's rabid. You know that going into it. No, but you're supposed to... I've been coordinating.

It's just, it was so quiet. I thought like, oh, they're not... We eat quiet. They always eat quiet. You're always loud. But at times we are quiet. Usually you would be like, oh, we're at the... That's not my...

No, I'm not, dude, I'm not... I have lungs. What? You can just say, oh, we're... You're the IRGC, okay? All right? You're going to act the way you're going to act, right? But I don't like it.

That's not bad. It's a bad reference. It's an IRC. That's a bad reference. But what is that? What is that? What? The Iranian Revolutionary Guard Corps?

Did I got that right? Iranian Revolutionary Guard Corps Are you watching a lot of Face the Nation? How do you Islamic

Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps the IRGC the IRGC yeah so I got close I'm tuned out of all this I know you are not even remotely

interested in Yeah but they're involved My point is is this okay that you made my girlfriend cry I know I was so sad

and I wanted a public apology for that Well here's the time We're on public We're on public Yeah I'm saying sorry to What? Because she's my girlfriend.

Apologize to me and I'll relay the information to her. I've already said sorry so many times and she said it's okay. Yeah. He just cried because Julio was... It was so traumatic. I saw it. Nobody likes to get bit by a dog. Yeah. Nobody likes it. I mean, nobody likes to get bit by a dog.

Yeah. This is not a fun thing that happened. It's not a fun thing that happens. And people who don't have control of the dogs don't stock the towels and don't stock the fridge. What say you? Should feel bad. What say you? Ice Dune.

I clean his house every week It's just I can't do it every day Because I'm also babysitting And he wants me there 24-7 Who are you babysitting? I mean she's also babysitting you a little bit So it's kind of It's a big baby and a real baby

He doesn't know how to clean The dishes It's like there's shit stains everywhere Yeah There's like blood stains from From my girlfriend From you Yeah no blood states

From my girlfriend from her foot From being bit by a dog. Yeah, yeah. There's a lot, and, like, I'm also babysitting, so I tell. Who are you babysitting for? Um, Esther's baby. Exactly. Exhibit B, dude.

Exhibit B, or exhibit B, I don't know what's going on. It's two or B. It's two B. So, um, what say you? Or not. Or not. To be. To be.

To be or not. To be. Mom's coming home's coming back. I don't care. Wait, your mom's coming back? Yeah. All right. The love of my life is back.

Yeah, yeah. She has to come back. I got to take her out on a dinner date. Yes, dude Bastia I'll take her wherever she wants to go Yeah, yeah, yeah Good

I'm gonna take her on Nice restaurant Yeah, you know what She's gonna live with me now She's gonna live with me and my wife And she's gonna be And you know what? I need her dude

No Yeah yeah, I need her dude No, we need her I'm taking her I'm taking her You cannot steal my Filipino Yes I can Yeah yeah

I got on discount Do you have a contract Do you have a contract with him? No No well Yeah You ought to get a lawyer dude She's never paid rent

Oh my God. Have you? No. Exactly. Free car. Who pays for your phone? I don't know. You pay. Exactly.

You don't know that. Somebody told you. I do know. I just got it. You got the bill? Yeah, yeah, I got it. I just got it. Yeah, I do. Yeah.

What else? What else is going on in life besides you not stocking the towels in the fridge? Just babysitting, getting people over. How many babies? Two. Esther has two kids now. Yeah. And you're watching.

Have you met them? No. He will never meet them Why? Because he has a sphere Didn't even get there I don't have a what? Sphere, I don't know Sphere?

I've never met her babies Yeah I don't know when How do I meet people's kids? It's like a when do you Come over to my house No thanks I just don't want to

I have like pool parties at my house Like I meet his daughter Because he brings her here If Esther came on the show And brought her kids I'd know but if I have a date Like I have like a pool party You know with all the kids

which I do. I'm not going to that. I go to adult pool parties. I know. Well, that's the problem. That's your problem. Why? Because Kala has a baby.

Mm-hmm. Comes over. Every Saturday you should come. No, put it in the cage. Don't you lock those things up? Put some bananas in there and you can walk away for a couple hours. White kids?

That's what you do with whites. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You lock them up and you go, no, Brandon. Yeah. No! And then you go, do whatever you need to do. Yeah, Chad.

Yeah, Chad, sit. Yeah. My parents used to leave me in the apartment and go to the bar around the corner and I'd look at them out the window walking to the... God, I want a white kid slave. You just leave it. You do?

You can leave whites. And you're going to go climb that cliff. They love to climb the cliff. We're big cliff climbers. Jump it off. Latchkey kids. That's exactly right. That's what we are.

Yeah. Lachkey kids. I was Lachkee, were you? I was a survivor. I was a survivor. We're out in these streets. We're on the streets, dude. Highway?

I was driven to... It was dangerous, dude. The mashed potato gang? They threw mashed potatoes at you. You've got a room at you for sure Yeah, yeah, yeah I got to school by a guy in a station wagon with his wife who could have easily been child deductors

We just got put in, they were like people in the neighborhood Yeah Not good We had no homeless This is when I was in Chicago So we had homeless But I mean they didn't Growing up I had no homeless

Right Yeah And then when I first saw one It was like star, star struck Would you want to hug them It was like running into Gandalford I was two homeless people that were on the news They were boning right up the street from here

Yeah They were boning When you don't grow up with homelessness and then you come to L.A. and you see it. Shocking. It's great. Oh, you like the movies. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's like Voldem works. Well, you heard it here. If you're a homeless person and you need somewhere to live,

we'll put up Bobby's address down below. Go to Bobby's house. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You poked one? Yeah. I didn't think it was real. A homeless person? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I went, poop. You're so Hollywood. It's so real. You think it's all part of... I thought it was all a part of CBS Radfish. Yeah, yeah, yeah. casting the streets of AI movie magic

So you're just babysitting That's all you're doing Yeah Good Pull the mic closer to your mouth It's been a long time It's been a long time cover Well she doesn't have the headphones on

So she can't even hear that she can't Yeah Yeah Don't put it on It's fine you don't want to ruin your hair You don't want to ruin your hair She had some romantics Romantics

Yeah What happened to that guy You were dating that guy That's long gone That's it He just came back Blava guy Yeah he came back into the picture

The Belgium guy What happened He came back. Did he not come back? He came back and that's it. Yeah. Oh, so you're dating again? No.

No, that's over. No. It's not over. Friends with benefits. No, it's just, are you playing the fifth? It's just something. Well, what is it?

Fouchi? Yeah. How the fuck did you let that happen? Yeah. How did you sleep at night? Yeah. What is it? So you just, we're just talking.

We're just blah, blah, blah. It's not like there's a label in it. Yeah. labels are hard. Sure, but especially in that age range, they don't fucking... They don't know. Yeah, your generation

even don't... You don't even know how to do it. Yeah, so... Yeah. So if he text, if he text you now, to hang out, you're gonna hang out or go,

no, no, no, no. Yeah, but he's in Belgium. So how am I supposed to... I thought you said he came back. He came back last two weeks ago. To hang out with her. Do you stay at your place? No, they get it.

She pays for an Airbnb. No, he did. Okay. He did. All right. I don't have money for that. You make you waffles? I mean, that's their thing.

That's their thing. They love it. They love strawberries and waffles. He's a white though. Yeah. He's handsome. Shocked that you're with the white. Trader.

Yeah, trader. After all the shit, you talked about the whites. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now you're back with a white. Not that white. All right.

Okay. I don't want to hear. I don't want to hear about that at all. You like babies? I'm okay with them. She's good at them. I would never hand you a baby. No, she's so good with.

babies? Oh my God, they love her. Doubt it. Yeah. Yeah. She's like the Filipino version of that one girl. Hi. Hello, Timmy. Who's that guy? Miss Rachel? Yes. Okay.

I call her that one girl. Yeah. The kids love her. They do, huh? Yeah. Why do you think they love you? I don't know. They feel safe around you.

Maybe. The babies. Auntie, Auntie. But I got lady to like me. Oh my God. Yeah. Who's that? Oh, Mike, you have no idea what I did the other night.

What? It was like Lord of the Rings stuff, adventure. I'll tell you that right. Where did you go? In my house. I went to my house. A small venture. It's a small venture.

And long. And so, Kalila, they have a new dog. Lady. That's right. You said that. You know lady. Yeah. Yeah.

And then I had to. Really stretching the bounds of. They are. It's a guy, though, right? She looks like lady. from the trout lady in the trow oh that's original

yeah yeah hack no but that yeah she does look like that cute dog cute dog so um the other day

she was gone right and so this is what I do now she leaves them in the spare room so when she's gone for a long time well I'll transfer the dogs into her room he never listens to me

he's so incompetent it's like crazy and the reason why I put her in it gives her a time tick because if you don't get home, the dogs are going to poo and pee on your bed. Yeah, that's good. It's a lesson learned.

It's a lesson learned. So I keep them in your room. I can't always be at the house. Well, get home soon because they're going to pee on your, pee on your bear. I'm just gone four hours and then you react like I'm gone for the whole day. No, that's, that's not true at all. You say you're going to come over at seven. I can look at the game.

What time? Now eight. Those are the four hours he's awake when you're gone. Yeah. Dude, you're so smart. God, you got it on lock. I'm telling you. I'm telling you.

You need to free yourself from this prison. I tell him, I'm leaving at six. I'll be back around like 11, 10, 11. And then he acts like, I'm gone for the whole day. And then he never listens to me. And then the dog's shit everywhere in my room. And he's like, that's what you get. That's what you get.

That's what you get. The irony being, it's your house. but not all my dogs but it's your home exactly so the poop is still inside of the home that you own I understand so this is kind of a double it's her room sure it's her room inside of a home that you own

yeah so still your house when it moved when you move out yeah the poo house is still your house I know then I do a deep plan and also can I say this the other day I made a very nice spectacle in your bedroom where the cats vomit on it

and all the trail of ants that went to you into your dog smart yeah that's a little little extra flavor that I put in there. What? I told you, don't let the cats inside the room and you left the door so wide open. Yeah. And then there was so much vomit and ants.

You're like the guy who lights the house on fire with his family in it and you stay in the house. Oh, yeah. You don't leave. I have to go down with the ship. I'm one of those guys. Yeah. I'm finding because the heat, we have baby lizards are in the house now. They've found their way in.

Yeah. But I keep, the problem was I keep trying to get them outside. I don't want to kill them. Yeah. So I keep trying to like scoop them. into cups because if you grab them, they're so sensitive. I tried to grab one. The foot they're so quick, right? Well, it's foot fell off. Really? No, they can regrow stuff. What are you ripping feet? I went to grab it with my hand like this, but they're so sensitive.

They're not good for touching. It's foot fucking came off. Wow. And then my wife was like, it's foot's off. And then I tried to grab it again and I felt like another piece of it fell off. Yeah. And so at this point, I sandal flicked it out because I'm trying not to kill it. Yeah, You killed it. Well, he's limbless now. You do it limb by limb. We call him Lieutenant Dan when he comes back. The poor fuck, though.

This is the third lizard we found in the house I've tried to get out. They're so small and quick. But he said because the pool guy said it's because of all the heat that they're trying to come inside. Let's keep them in. Yeah, I would say that. Keep them in. Listen here, poo room. Yeah, yeah.

I don't want the lizards in the house because then other animals are coming in. If the lizard's in there, that means other animals are in there. It's a different house situation. By room. Yeah, we don't have poo inside of our house. Yeah, yeah. We have, like, flies. My wife and I don't even poo in our house.

We poo outside. Yeah, they have high ceilings. Have you been to his house? We dug a pit. Yeah, yeah. We have high ceilings. We have a regular ceiling. No, you have high ceiling.

They're like this. No, they're a mansion. Huh? Bobby said you have a mansion. He would say that. Yeah, yeah. You do have a mansion. It's a regular house.

It's a regular house. It's a regular house. Is it like your house? growing up? No. Now. He lives in an apartment. Exactly.

It's not like your house. Well, a house and an apartment is not the same thing. God, you're getting very defensive. Yes, it is. Sure. They're both fucking, you know, lodgings. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What a broad.

It's a normal, nice house. Yes, it's a normal nice house. I don't think it's a normal. I, okay. I really do. Don't get into this. You live in the hills, so cut it the fuck out. Hollywood Hills guy.

Who are your neighbors? Corral. Yeah, shut the fuck up. Hollywood. You're Bert. Bert? Christher. He lived.

nowhere near me. What are you talking? It's flatland though. Oh, we live in the flats. Yes, we're flatland guys. You guys are flatland. We're flat land people. Like you, you're flatland people. Just her face. Why don't you just get your own from an apartment? Just get your own apartment. Well, I need an actual work like job. Then he'll give you some money. No, I'm not. You should give her some money. Just clean my house. She can't. Yeah. I'm cleaning your house. I can't just. Tonight. Oh, no, you're going out. You act like I got to clean every hour. you act like I gotta feed the cats every hour. So I can't do that.

Does your girlfriend, is she staying at the house a lot or no? She does, yeah. Does she do it? She's sleeping over more than nights, more nights than not? She's now, it's getting there. Like, do you think she'd move in?

Is that getting to a close point? Because we are, this is kind of that time. It's been what? Over a year. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's not that time, did. It's not that time?

You have no idea what you're talking about. She should move in, I think. Yeah, yeah. I think she should move in. It's been a year of day. There's no time like today, and I'm going to say this, okay. You're 55 years old. It's not, it's not, dude, that.

Like sands through an hourglass. I have no idea. So are the days of our lives. Yeah, yeah. That's exactly what I. And let me tell you something, these days. Yeah, and that's why I don't want to do it. Oh, have her move in.

No, no, no. I want her to live with us. You do. You love her. Oh, if she comes in, you're out. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

If you're, yeah, no. If she's in, you're out. That's okay. Because she's the best. And then where are you going to go? At the call. Okay. Good luck sleeping.

You have a nice room now. Yeah. Don't you? Yeah. You're downstairs, aren't you? No, upstairs. Oh. And also, I redesigned a room.

Oh, you did. Interior design. I'll be careful what you wish for. Yeah. Yeah, what? It's like what? It just looks like an install room. Mm.

You living in it. Why is there no windows? It's just dark. Yeah. The walls are... That's not in cell. Darkness is not in cell. Yeah, yeah.

It is. Bring up AI in cell room. I guarantee it's just a dark room with a computer and a plate full of food and empty cans. That's not an cell room. That's an in cell room. No, that's what... That one. There it is.

Your room looks like that. Yes. Now, it looks more like... Go up. Yeah. The first one, it looks more. like that. Yeah, dark like that. Yes, it does. Dark like that. It's just dark walls. Yeah. And that's your fucking living room, high ceilings. That's my living room. I've just had one

target on the wall. Yeah. And a bunch of different blankets that don't match. That could have been us. That is us. That's us in our core. Yeah. So two nights ago, I went to go see a quartet play Michael Jackson's greatest hits. It was amazing. A cellist, a piccolo, a violinist. and a monkey going to a bar well Bubbles was there Bubbles was there Bubbles was there

Bubbles played he better it was amazing it was incredible it was hard to not sing along you forget how many songs that you're like

I know every one of these lyrics Off the Walls great album thriller Bad You just know every lyric Like you just Tell me if you want to Tell me Annie

What? Tell me if you want to Annie Tell me if you want to Annie You've been bit by Smooth Criminal You got bit by a smooth criminal

If you said that's your girlfriend when Julio went off Danny don't do you a day Andy don't do you one day Eddie don't do you one day Annie You've been bit by smooth criminal Yeah That's exactly what it is

But I love it There was it yeah he Mikey Mikey Skyped in to the show That was in a men and black movie Yeah men of black too Yeah That was what that screenshot is from I'm slow.

So nothing new in your world other than babysitting. You're just babysitting? Yeah. What's your career going to be now? Now that you're free and clear of all schooling. No, I still have to go back to school. Wait, I thought you were done. No, she's in school.

Graduate school. Oh, graduate school. That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's your degree in? Hotel financing. She's going to buy hotels? What is it?

Business management? Environmental health, but I think I'm just going to switch it to nursing. Like a good old Filipino. You're going to hate that job. It's the fastest way to get a job immediately. Yeah, yeah. But you're going to hate that job. I know you're working.

Then you can be a podcaster after that. Was Kalila a nurse, yeah? Yeah. She went training. Yeah, at the Kalai, her sister, at the Koen. Yeah, yeah. You got to be a nurse. It's in your blood.

Yeah. But she's, I can't wait for first day. And she's going to come over, I'm going to go see. You're going to hate it. You're going to hate it. I'll just work for like two years and then I'll just. No. You have no idea of that job.

You're going to make enough money to retire after two years. You're going to be running back to podcasting. Ethos. I just got life insurance, thankfully, and thank you to Ethos for doing that. And the best part was I applied super quick and I did it online because back in the day they used to like have you go see a doctor. You had to go to their own. appointment or someone that they set up. And now that's out the window, baby. You can do this all

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Watch the audacity. The next time we talk. Say it louder into the mic. Just watch the honesty the next time we talk about it. So Andres texted me. What is saying? And there was available tickets for,

because I went fishing two nights in a row. That's not it. Oh, it's not? No. Oh, I thought that's the oddness. That's not the out of it. No. I went fishing for tickets and all of the 70 mills are totally sold out.

The IMAXs, there's a few, but first row. Cannot. All right. Find me. You want to go? Find us an IMAX ticket. Buy it now. Three or four.

You put six in there. Yeah, but the problem is at when, though. That's really hard. Because I'll tell you why. September 12th. Because it's going until September 12. So we can wait until I get back from Australia. Get it, I'll buy it now.

Okay. I'm working right now. Yeah, we will. We'll buy them today. But you're not going to buy them. He will. I will. 70 mil meter IMAX.

Yeah, I'll pay for it. To me Australia and Hawaii. We'll do it. A traveling man. Yeah. I'm a traveling man. Made a lot of... Country Road.

Take me home. Yes. To the west. Place. Where I found. I belong. West Virginia. Ver.

Carrow. Mountain Mama. Take me home. Take me home. Country Road. Do you know who sings that song? John Denver. Thank you.

Was that for me? No, I was looking this way. It's one trivia I know. Yeah. Do you know that song? Yeah. Yeah. No, she thought.

No, you don't. Sing it. Take me home. Yeah. West Virginia. Yeah, yeah. Country Road. Country Road.

There's no Colorado in it? Colorado? In the song. It's West Virginia. It's about West Virginia. Yeah, but there's no Colorado. There could be. Yeah, yeah.

See if there's Colorado in that song. Almost heaven. Not at all. Okay, zoom in. There's heaven and West Virginia. Country Rose, take me home to the place where I belong, West Virginia, Mountain Mama, not Colorado. That's what I told you. Yeah, you already said that.

Sorry, my bad. I don't ever read it. You know, I just memorize the songs. the songs, like the Annie one. Yeah, you do what they do in Japan where they do phonetics. I love phonetics. Where they just figure out what they think it sounds like? That's crazy. Have you ever seen that when they do

concerts from people from American? They don't speak any English, but they phonetically understand all the lyrics. That's how I sung all my life. Yeah, I know. Annie, are you okay? Yeah. Annie, are you okay? What's going on with Annie? Well, she's not okay. He's not, I know that from the lyrics, but is, is she heard? It's,

it seems like it. He's asked her so many times if she's okay. At this point. Yeah, how many times? She asked her, oh my God. Dude, type in, how many times did Michael Jackson ask Annie if she's okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, let's take a guess. I would say she's okay 24 times.

I would say it's 50-some odd times. Yeah. 40 times. Or in the middle. Yeah. Yeah. Annie, are you okay? I'd say, Annie, Annie, are you okay? Annie, are you okay?

Annie, are you okay? It's so hard to say. Annie, are you okay? Yeah, is that what the lyrics are? Look like me. Yeah, yeah. Sorry. Annie, are you okay?

So are you too okay? Are you okay, Annie? Yeah. That's a lot. I don't think that's that hard to say. Say it. Annie, are you okay? Annie, are you okay?

Are you okay? That's what it says. Annie, are you okay? So Annie are you okay. Yeah, but it's so is not in the rhythm of it. That's why. It goes, so, any, are you okay? Are you okay, Annie?

Oh, yeah. So any. So, I got it. Suwannie, so Annie, are you okay? So Annie, are you okay? Are you okay, Annie? You've been hit by Smooth.

There it is. You've been struck by. Why did you say hit? Because it goes, You've been hit by. You've been struck by Smooth criminal. Someone was such musical talent

that you have. I have no musical talent. Incredible you had Don't know how to read music. Okay. Or lyrics. Or lyrics. Shut off.

I don't know what's going on today. I don't like it. It's a wild little day. It's a wild. Yeah, I'm lost. So your life's not exciting. It is exciting. She gets looking.

She looks forward to him when she comes. she gets looking I I'm off today what are you saying she gets looking his brain is off like with his vocal cords yeah something's wrong yeah you like you like you need to be reconnected

it's like they fucked up the wires yeah like they put one towards the other thing and they were like shit that was our our cue wire okay I apologize let me get back into you're here no fine let me grounded and I think I'm thinking I'm taking a gap yeah take a gab a bit a nerve inhibitor

a nerve inhibitor Are those ballet shoes? Yeah. Yeah. Are you in ballet now? No, it's just... You're a ballet? It's just a trend right now.

Yeah. Is that a popular thing now? Yeah. Ballet flats. How do you know that? Because skim's awesome. They have them. How could you keep up?

You know, it's funny. When she sings in the kitchen and I try to join, she doesn't like it. Yeah. Sing? Yeah, you and I say, you and ESA do this where you go. I said, Neil McNeckney, you know it. If you want to know it for your life. Time.

Sabrina Carpenter? Yeah, whatever. Yeah. And then she's chopping things, right? Do you want to know in real time? Time. You know that song. Do you want to know?

We got everyone to know. Hey, hey, go, go. We go everyone to know. Do you want to have a good time? And she's chopping her way. So then I'll come in and I'll go, Are you ready to have a good time too? Yeah, the backup.

Right, the backup. and she goes, stop it, Tito, poppy. Don't sing with me. Why do you guys do that? Why don't you let him sing? It's just his energy. Yeah, yeah. It's bad or good?

Singing energy? Bad. No, it's not. And then it's like, and then you'll never even tell me who's singing. Like, what are you singing? You don't ask. You don't ask the song.

Who sings that? Do you want to have a good time? Here, here we go. We got nowhere down to go. Do you go? Go. Go. Go.

Everyone knows. They want to know. Do you want to have. a good time. You know that song. Go, go, here we go. We don't ever want to know. That could be a song. It sounds like a song. It really does. I know it does. You sang Purple Rain. I did. Yeah. I went like this. I went purple rain. Purple. I see why she's with you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I sing that. I'll tell you that right now. Do you ever hummed yourself? I sing to the dog a lot. What do you sing? Just make made up songs. Yeah, that's what I

just did. But I, to the dog. Say, so I'm the dog, who? I'm the dog, ooh. What? What? Someone in the well? Hello. What's wrong? Song song song? Song? Oh, you want a song? Oh, he's asking for.

I want to sing songs. Don't you sing songs to the dog? Sing me a song, fuck face. My little sweetie, sweetie puppy's my sweetie, sweetie puppy. We go outside and have the treats in the sun and she's my sweet. Sweetie, sweetie pup. We went swimming yesterday. It was so fond, dude.

Oh, she goes in the water. She jumps on me. If I'm, if I'm like sitting on like a rafts. None of our animals do that. They won't go on you or near it? No, they don't like the water. Well, for a long time, she was freaked out. You know, why we used to have, at the old place,

we had one of those, like, solar covers that goes over the pool to keep it warm in the winter. And she, a ball went on it, and she jumped onto the solar cover because it looks like it's stable. It's quick sand to them. She sunk into it. Yeah, they don't like it.

And our first, friend Jeff dove. I mean, like, because we're all hanging out outside, and I see it out of the corner of my eye, and he's already like Superman, parallel, like mid-flight, diving. But did it collapse on itself? He drowned? No, no, no.

She's alive. You've seen my dog. He grabbed her out of it. It was fucking unbelievable. He was a savior. He was a hero that day. We salute him every time we see him now. Who, your friend?

My friend, my buddy, I say, thank you. I would have never jumped in. Thank you, Jeff. You would, for your dog? For your dog, I mean. Oh, you, okay. Yeah, yeah. That's selfie.

I would have a watch. You watched my dog die? No, I would have watched and then I would have processed. And then what I do is I go, what do I do? So there's three little stages there. That's kind of how you reacted. Yeah, I did.

When she got bit, I processed it too late. Why don't, sorry? You just held her leg. I held her leg up like this, but he was still with him attached to it. Okay, that helps. You didn't say stop or try to get him off. I didn't even know what was going on,

to be honest with you. When a dog is biting someone, you didn't know what was going on? The screaming and all that. I have to process all that. You got to process. So stage four is when I do something. The blood, when the blood comes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess it's good you don't have kids. It might be. Well, because then, I mean, if a baby falls in a pool, you can't process. Am I by, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye. I'm off today, right? It's like someone hit him like a cartoon,

and he speaks like, yeah, did you fall in your head? I did. Yeah. Yeah. You know what you sound like right now? You sound like right before you fall asleep. You know when someone's talking to you right before you fall asleep and you start mumbling, you're like, well, we're in a carpool lane.

You know, you just start saying shit. My wife says that all the time. She'll be in full conversation. I'll be sleeping on the couch and half in it out. And she'll be asking me and I'll be like, you've got to be a side bit about that. Yeah, that's where I'm at. I do that all the time?

I'm in mid. She's like, do you know what you were saying last night before you? I was like, no, I have no idea. Because when I start, when I nod off on the couch, see you, I'm almost impossible to get to bed. Yeah. If I'm on the couch and comfy with the dog, I'm most likely not going to make it to the bed to fall asleep.

I'll probably just fall asleep on the couch and then I wake up to piss and then I'll come up and go to bed So what time do you use a wake up on the couch? To pee Like if you realize 5.30 I wake up to pee Now have you smoked weed or drank a little bit or no

In this scenario? Sometimes I'm just tired So you just fall asleep And then when you get back to bed Do you wake your wife up or no? She inevitably is waking up Because I jump in the bed I cannonball in it.

Right, that's not good Well you got to let her know your home Yeah I like to make silence Oh you're a little ninja Yeah. Ninja in the night. I tiptoe, right? I do slow, like, blanky.

Oh. I do the slow blanks. Slow blank? Yeah, yeah. I go like this. Slowly get in there. See, I can't do it because then the dog, the dog wakes.

You can't get in the... Well, the dogs are in her room, you know, peeing and shitting. Shitting. And so it's like, yeah, I'm just privately slowly. I never wake her up. It's impossible. No, no, no.

I've got it on lock. The quiet stuff. Yeah, but she must be a good. good sleeper. My wife wakes up. She's impossible. She's just like, well, if she hears the door. Well, you're a big guy. I'm trying to lose some weight. No, you're a big guy. I'm going to get on Mugobi. Yeah. Just the fucking shadow alone, what he's scary.

If I was like in the dark and I see like something walk by. So if you're in the dark and then a shadow in the dark comes by? Your shadow. So a dark shadow in a dark room? Yep, exactly. You think my shadow is so looming that it can, it can. No, because you're not, you're not I haven't given you a picture. Give me the picture. The full picture.

When I go to bed, right, I put a mini light on in the bathroom. Like a night light. Exactly. Why not? And then, so I can see shadows walking by. Why would you want that? Exactly. Yes.

Yeah. But if I, your shadow walk by, I would know. It would scare me. Yeah, big shadow. Yeah. But anyway, don't do it. That's my nickname, Big Shadow. Big shadows.

The dog and I fell asleep on the couch last night. She fell asleep on my head. Did she lick your face? She if I'm snuggled in the corner She'll sleep in the corner with me But sometimes because I'm fat The cushion will Like lean into the couch

You know what I mean? It's like it like It dips in Yeah And then so she will slide in And then she'll end up just flopping on my head How many golf trips do you go on daddy? That's what she says And I say as many as I want you little bitch

Yeah And that's how daddy takes care of this family Yeah I like it How many golf trips I gotta go what else So what else do I have? It's the only thing I like. Bed rot, the way I've been doing.

I don't want a bed rot, dude. I don't want to be in bed. You're not a bed rotter. Oh, she's taught me. You become a bed. She taught me bed rotting. I thought you're up and that. Now you've got to babysit.

You got to be up. You can't lay in bed all day. Yeah, but when I'm not babysitting, I'd rather do nothing. Somewhere in the house, there's just, she's like, I'll sleep somewhere. Do you eat in bed? No. No.

You do. No, I don't. You nibble. Do I? No, I don't. Never. Bro, fuck you. Hmm.

Yeah, watch your mouth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I don't. I'm not nasty. I've just started eating in bed. Like fried chicken. Let me throw some stuff out and you see you in bed. Go ahead.

Would you eat fried chicken? In bed? Yeah, Kentucky fried chicken. Sure. Oh, no. No, not Kentucky fried. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Popeyes, yeah.

No, but the skin will get on. The fried skin. No. On your bed? No, because I made a makeshift bowl that goes under my, I tie it around my neck. It's like a little bib. Okay.

So it catches all. All right. Pizza. Pizza. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. Absolutely.

And I get it hot where the cheese is drippy. Yeah. Oh, fuck. Three stacked pancakes. That's where I draw the line. With blueberries. Can't do pancakes. Because the stickiness of the syrup.

Yeah. Now you're thinking. Now you're not kidding. See? Chips. No, crumbs. Too crumbly. Too crumbly.

Too crumbly. Yeah. How about this, ramen? If you're in bed with me, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Good. Yeah.

I'll bring it over tonight. I love those parties. and then okay well those are It's actually a really good idea for like a restaurant that you eat in bed That'd be real no That you eat in bed We serve you in a bed

Yeah What was the name of the place that used to be on third treat Where you ate in like those big comfy It was like a big It was like an Indian restaurant And you ate on the ground But you ate in like these huge comfy What street is on?

It's on third No I don't know Electric Lotus? Yes electric Is that right? There was it used to be an electric lotus In Los Phila No what was the one on third?

Street. Oh man, dude. I used to love that. You like literally laid on a big... Electronic. What are you doing? Electric karma. Electric karma.

It's always electric. Yeah, well, it's got to be. Yeah, yeah. Indians love to be... They have not gotten electricity yet. That's why... Exactly. Okay.

No, see, go to the room. Go to the big room. What's your favorite thing in an Indian restaurant? Butter chicken. Butter chicken. Butter chicken, man. No, what do I like? I like curry.

I like curry. Currie. Yellow. I like... Red curry. garlic non. Red curry, yellow curry. Corlokan.

Corma I like? Veggie Corma, love. I love veggie corn. What level of spicy? Medium. I can't do, they get too hot for it. Yeah, medium maybe.

You like Indian? Yeah. Which more do you go? Almerch. Yes. The first time we went to Rome, we went to the Coliseum and you wait in these long lines outside

and there were Indian guys selling bottles of water. And I loved it because the way they, it was like a song to them. They'd go, Wot-Wat-Dard, what-dard, Water for your health. Water, water, water, water.

Water for your health. And I had to buy from it. I was like, the water guy has got me. Very good. There is. Water, water, water. Yeah. But they go up this long, by the way,

they must make banks selling bottles of water. They sell up for a euro. They probably buy it, you know, a pack for 12 for a buck. The ancient Roman trade with India. Spices, they love that. Yeah. You know what I mean? They kill it with the spice.

They know what they're doing. Yeah. The whole spice trade was through India, right? If it weren't for them, you know, whites wouldn't have all the flavor. They had no, why didn't you guys do flavor before? We were scared of it. Yeah. Now you love it.

We're still scared of it. Yeah. What flavors did you discover during that trade? Nutmeg. Cardamum. Cardamum. Yeah. What else did you get from there?

Tarragon. Tarragon was a good one. Staranisse. Staranese is a good other one. Peperica. Let's go basic, though. Pepper and salt was huge. That really shook

Garlic was used to Yeah Oh garlic Garlic fucked you up No but garlic I think Change the world No but Italy garlic Already they had a lot of garlic

They used garlic on fucking anything Right They garlic and their cereal But in England and And oh you're I'm not British I'm Irish and Italian Yeah you're

But the Brits yeah The British people Just got hot sauce About a year and a half ago I think Right It was banned They banned it

No hot sauce in Britain Please When you say Hot sauce. The rise of black pepper. Huge black gold, baby. Yeah. Cinnamon and cardamum and ginger. Ginger were big ones. I need to get back to cooking, man. I can't cook for shit. I keep trying to cook at the house and I ruined it twice. Go did you cook? I was trying to cook this like muscles, uh, mussels, uh, pasta muscles. That's such a difficult thing to do at home. Yeah, I learned that. Yeah. Yeah. Go basic. But I wanted linguine with muscles sounded really nice with the white wine.

Bengoli. Bangole. I can do a bolognaise sauce. Bolognaics I can do. Already pre-made, though. Yeah, you open a can. That's absolutely not. You homemade?

You homemade? Yes. You homemade? I homemade it. Give me the ingredients. Tomato sauce. Tomato sauce? No.

Tomatoes. Tomatoes. Do you puree them? Do you heat them? Do you cook them? Yeah. Well, I take extract it. I extract the tomatoes.

How? What? How? Through precision and equipment. Use the precision. maker? Yeah. So I have all the equipment. You have a tabletop precisioner? Yeah, yeah. That's pretty impressive. It liquidates the

tomatoes. You bought a liquidator as well. Exactly. So you have all these... I cut up the garlic. You caught up the garlic. You caught up to the garlic? I don't care what I say. No, it's just shocking. Yeah, yeah. I cut up the garlic. All right? Into thine. Thine? Yeah, there's something wrong. Whoa!

You ever call a business and get sent straight to a voicemail that's clearly from 2015 and just hang up. You ever have a habit? Well, you've reached. Exactly. Yeah, I don't like that. I don't like it either. Your customers don't like that either.

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Go to Talkspace.com and enter that promo code. Space 80. I feel like you're having a stroke. I think I'm having a stroke. I think something's wrong. Well, today's first day without Xanax. Do you smell toast right now? No.

You're fine. Yeah, I smell cinnamon. Why do people smell toast when they have a stroke? What a weird thing to smell? Because I really like toast. They could have made it something, but it should have been something bad. Yeah, something bad. What does this say?

Phantom smells are linked to temporal lobe seizures, everyday sinus seizures, than a typical stroke. Even when I make toast, I don't smell toast. This is a good thing. That says it's a pop culture myth. Smelling burnt toast. It's not even real. Missing brain cells during a partial seizure, especially the temporal lo can trigger false entry.

What's wrong? Smoke rubber or something. You should call it to Coinda later. Why? In case you don't have a stroke. I don't have a stroke. Oh, yeah, yeah. Speak a different language real fast to me.

He's fine. He's fine. He's fine. Yeah, varangu. Here's the Belfast warning signs. Balance, sudden loss of balance. I'm fine. Face, arm, speech.

Raise both your arms above your head. Oh, no. Oh, fuck, dude. I got it. Can me another one? moments of pointing to the sky are in very indicative of stroke. Speech, slurred strange, hard to understand. Oh, no. Oh, no. I'm in trouble.

No, I hope you don't have one. That's dangerous. Well, I mean, if it happens, it happens. We'll have to switch it up. Well, no, that's not that I, we don't want that. We don't have to switch it up. You know? We'll get the views. Yeah, well, thanks, fancy. Cares more about the views than your actual health. Yeah, the death episode would be big. I was mad you didn't come to dinner with me and Swartz and that bummed us out. Yeah, you know, things have We had a lovely dinner.

Things have changed, guy. What's changed? Relationship. I'm busier. I have more time than I'm giving to somebody else. Okay, but we're both married and we both found time

to go to dinner together and we invited you because we wanted a little the boys get together. Yeah, but when you say downtown and sushi, I get scared. And I already know what he's going to get. Scallops.

He didn't get scallops. Yeah, he always gets scallops. Now, this place was actually fantastic, but it wasn't just sushi. It was we got, um, what's it called when it's on the... Let me guess. The grill strips, you know, what is that called?

When it's grilled meats on the... Carabuto. Carabuto. Yeah. And, oh, and we got Yacamanago. Yeah. And... It's always Abada.

Like, you know... Yeah, it's a... Capabara. Rarabata. Yeah. Arabita. But we talked about you. We were mad that you didn't go.

He didn't talk about me. I know. It's weird to see you in love like this. I'm not in love, man. Sure. I love her. Slow burn this fucker. Do you say I love you?

I do. Okay, you're in love. If you say I love you. Yeah. I love you too, though. Am I in love with you? Yep. That's true.

That's not everyone in the air. It's not a good example. Yeah. I mean, who in this room are you not in love with? Right. Yeah, I kind of like her, but sometimes I hate her. Well, she got to get back to it. Why don't you put up a checklist of things she has to do during the day?

You know, like a chores. She won't do it, dude. And also, you know what? But you got to, it's rewards like a dog. Like if she does something right, you give her a reward. Well, she hasn't cleaned my room in a very long time. Well, let's offer a reward right now. Four days.

I know. So how about this? Can I say this? I want to say this. What? Before you go out tonight, because you're going out, I'll clean it. You better clean it.

Where are you going tonight? Are you going out? OC Fair. The Orange County Fair. You're going to drive to Orange County for the fair? Yeah. What's at the fair? Just games.

It's like a carnival, right? Yeah, it's fun. Who you going with? Hillary. Yeah, and then she only goes there to get recognized. What? You love getting recognized there. I don't get.

Do you take pictures at the O.C. Fair with people and they come up to you? No. Yeah, you do. Does anybody, as no one's ever asked you for a photo? Oh, I want to go to the alien abduction, the air raid. Yeah. The big wheel. Do you go on these rides?

No, I hate rides. Yeah. Well, then what else is at the fair? Game. Livestock. Oh, there's animals. Yeah, animals. Food.

Food. Food. Food. I never, have you been to the O.C. Fair? I never been down. I don't like fairs.

I've never been to fairs. Yeah. Oh, there's a grand champion cow right there. Oh, yeah. 2017, we're still talking about that guy. Yeah. Mark could be.

Well, after we ate and we talked about him. No, he's delicious. Yeah. It was very delicious. When they win it, then you can bid for it. And we bid it for the 2017, right? Huge. And we got to what?

I think, uh, $300. Maybe just about. Yeah, yeah. $3.25. Give her take. Yeah, yeah. We bought it.

We had a hell of a time eating them. So many T-Bones. So many T-Bones. Way too many. Side-hip. We ate some side-hip. Yeah. You want to talk about a weird gig I had last?

Yesterday I was talking to Carlos on the phone. Good God. What was it? I did a private gig yesterday, like a corporate. Why do you do that? A corporate? Yeah. Well, you don't do corporate gig?

No, I've never done it. Why not? Because there's too many rules. Well, this was no rules. I could do whatever I wanted. There was nothing. It was just, it was an interesting day. Tell me.

I did it at the Reagan Library. How many people? Nine. Nine. Nine. Nine. No. Yeah.

And you just stand up in front of nine people. I brought Joey Sorone from the comedy story. You know Joey? Yeah. He's hilarious. The big guy. Yeah, he's like six, eight, seven nine. Yeah.

I brought Joey. I was like, you got to come with me and do this gig and open it up because I can't cold open to a room at the Reagan library to nine guys. Yeah. How much time did you do? He did 15. And then you went up. And it seemed like a, you know, you know, you know, eternity.

Well, yeah. You know the beginning of Star Wars? That's what it felt like. Oh my God. That's a long. He was like, the scrolls never going to end. Yeah, yeah. He did 15 and I had to do like 30 or 40.

Tough, tough, tough. Oh, I can't. I've done, I mean, I've done corporate. Nine guys. Yeah, yeah, that's, yeah. So hard. No. That's a no for me.

But we had a great time. Who went? Me and Joey Soron. Did these guys go? No, hell no. He literally sent me the map of the Reagan Library and he's like, you're going to be parking next to an F-14. We parked my car under a fucking fighter jet.

Wow. And we walked inside. And Joey was like, I think I'm scared. Yeah. And I was like, this is, yeah. And then they brought us into a ballroom, which is the green room. It was massive. Yeah.

And it was just a table with popcorn and a mountain valley water. Oh, my God. And she's like, do you need anything else? I was like, no, just maybe to know where the exits are. I was so freaked out, man. Doing these private gigs are so hard to do. Because you like go in being like, I'm going to have fun. I'm going to make them laugh.

But they're so hard. It's nine guys in a room. Yeah. And by the way, guess what time it was at? Oh, my God. Let me guess. 2 p.m. 1.45.

Oh my God. That's even a more of a nightmare. 145. Oh, wow. And I was like, and I asked, I said, why in the middle of the day? Because they went to the Dodger game. Yeah, they needed to take a lot of time.

They need to get to the Dodger game. No, but it was it. I'm not saying anything bad about him. Very nice guys. You can't. No, I'm saying you can't do well in those scenarios. It's so hard. It's so hard to you stand up in the dead middle of the day

in a room with nine people and they're not prepped. By the way, the woman putting it together goes, this is even funny. You're going to laugh. The woman put, are you in a blue chew right now? He's checking if it's gold. Yeah, it had to be gold. You're fine.

The woman who put it together, the sweet woman that was there, Karen, who I love, she goes, and the best part is, they don't know they're getting a comedy show today. I was like, that's not the best part. That's not the best part. No. I go, they don't know. They didn't know. No one told me that.

No, no. I didn't know until we were already there. And then Joe. So they're not fans. No. No. No, they didn't go Andrew Santino and they stood up. Oh my God.

No, that's not true. Ask Joey Serona. Call him right now if you want me to. I'm going to call Joey. Ask him. Wow, Andrew. I literally said on stage, Joey can vouch. I said, hey, how many guys know who I am?

Not one hand was raised. No, it can't be. It can't be. It was incredible. I loved it. It was wild. Well, I had to laugh through it. Like, what are you going to do?

It was insane. Was it a birthday present? No, it was like a boy's trip corporate gig for this guy. Don't have his number. You want me to call him? No. Okay. Yeah, yeah.

It was insane. But we still had fun. That's why you bring someone that you like on the road. Yeah. I went on the road. I brought Jeremy Watkins once to a corporate thing. Jeremiah Watkins? Yeah.

Or his twin brother Jeremy. Whatever his name is. And then I know. I'm off today. You're serene. We're calling you Serene Branson from now. I'm so sorry. Terris Hayeson's head to the pits.

Go to the pet pits. So, um... It's a very heavy burlitation tonight. Jerry. Jerry Watkins I brought on the road. You big big dog, Jay Watt? Yeah, Jay Watt. And he bombs so hard.

He'll even, if I call him, he'll even pick up and talk about it. He bombs so hard, all you can hear in the distance is my hyena laugh. That's all you can hear. Wait, where are we? A corporate gig? In Vegas, yeah. Yeah. It was nightmare.

And he was doing physical things. Yeah, you got to try. Yeah, yeah, it didn't work. What are you smoking on? What is that? It's like a vape, sorry. I apologize. You're back to smoking cigarettes, too.

I tell you, I've been through a lot of anxiety in the last couple weeks. I know, but I thought you were quitting the cigarettes for good. I know, but I was in such high anxiety that I'm like, there's no other way to do it. I get it. You've got to get through whatever you need to do. I had to go through it. It was tough.

That's fine. Yeah. Well, you're here on the other side. I went through a mental, yeah, go ahead. No drugs. I heard you're doing drugs again. I'm not doing drugs. Yeah, right.

Yeah, yeah. We've found. When's the last time you had weed? last year or January Wow Are you, when you go out tonight To the fair Are you drinking at the fair?

I don't like to drink Do your friends drink? No Microdose No The new generation doesn't drink booze Yeah The kids don't do that

Yeah They microdose They take a gummy Right? You take a gummy No Wow Yeah

So how are you guys Hiding your pain Yeah What are you doing To mask all the problems Yeah I don't know You could discover it

So in your group of friends nobody, no one drinks booze, huh? There's some, but it's not like they need it for every time we hang out. Wow. So you don't have any drug addict friends. No. You got to get one.

It's more exciting. Yeah, then you can start a podcast with one one one day. You, oh, dude? Yeah, yeah, stop. What? Oh, really good. Yeah. It's my favorite thing in the world.

Stop. What, I'm a child of addiction. We relate. Yeah. $830 billion in global market value over four-year period leading to 2026, Bloomberg tracking. The global alcohol industry has lost that much?

They've lost $830 billion. Why? Kids don't drink alcohol, dude. It's gone. And because of all these health influencers online now being like, what are you getting out of drinking anyway? And people are like, all right, so I'm not going to do it. Now people are eating sardines and stuff.

All day long, sardines and beans. There's a shop on Melrose. Yeah, like me. Shop on Melrose called sardines and beans. No, it's pretty impressive, dude. It's actually, but then they say stuff like, look, look. Is it really a shop like that? Sardines and beans on Melrose.

Is that a real place? Of course not. Oh, fuck. No. I was going to go now. No, I know. Yeah, yeah. It's built for you.

But I think, like, with our generation, like, you know, I like to have a couple of soda pops, and I like it. But I do think, yeah, it's not great for you. And people know it. But then the argument is, is it taking away from some social aspects of the world? But also less sex. So less sex, less alcohol. Well, less alcohol good, less sex bad. Because alcohol was sex.

So people are having less sex. They are. Oh yeah More phone More screens Less sex I don't hear a lot of like going to clubs Oh clubs are

What are you guys doing to like feel free? Yeah So music is dead Art is dead Sex is dead Drugs are gone Yeah And alcohol is not existent

What the fuck are you guys doing? You're on your phone in bed All day Yeah Yeah we're see We're fucked You are too Huh?

You are too My in bed? Yes I'm not in bed You are, you're, you love to fucking go through it. My phone? Yeah. Tick-Tock.

You love Tick-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T. Yeah, you talk to other place. When am I talking? You're talking everywhere. Am I ticking when I'm talking? Yeah, you're Tick-T-T-T-T-Ot-Ward. I love TikTok on the toilet, I'll admit it's my favorite thing in the world. But you do it in bed?

No, can't do it in bed. Do you lie? We made a pact. We can't be on Tick-Tac in bed. Oh, you and your wife? Well, we said no phones in bed. Mm-hmm. That's why you're in the coach, couch, sleeping.

That's why you're on the couch That's why I'm in the coach Yeah yeah yeah put me in coach Yeah I'm on the couch Yeah sleeping I sleep on the couch Because you're just scrolling Because I'm lazy and I don't want to go up

I don't want to go up to the bed I see you scroll so much You're the master What do you mean you see me scroll? Scroll a lot I've seen your car scroll When I'm driving Yeah

Nobody's better at driving and scrolling than me But you do it? No Oh I do it You do it I do it Do I scroll so much on the road I put on tunes and I focus on the road

That's great God bless America. I can't get off the talk when I'm on the toilet though. I got a hemorrhoid from it. I got a hemorrhoe from being on the toilet too long. Do you still have it? Yeah, you want to see it? He's still there.

I've seen him. He's still there. I told him he's still there. I told him, I said, you're overstaying, you're welcome, Mr. Hemorrhoid. You've got to get out of here. But I asked the doctor and he said, it's totally normal. You're spending too much time in the toilet.

See, I don't push out. I think that's the white people's problem. I didn't push. No, no, no, no. You can get hemorrhoids. Because I don't know any Asians that have it. Hemorrhoids? Yeah, but I know a couple of whites that have it.

Yeah. Yeah. I think you guys push out too much. I didn't push. It's from sitting too long, he said. You can get him from just sitting on the toilet too long. Yeah, five minute rule. So it just pops out because you're sitting too long.

Because of the blood and the gravity from the sacks in your tush. Yeah, sitting on the toilet can worsen your hemorrhoids. Main wrist, including prolonged wrist, sitting at a toilet desk, hard services. How many hours are you on the toilet? Yeah, how many are you in there? Twelve, maybe? Max. 11 to 12.

that's remarkable. No. I'll sit on the toilet. Sometimes I will catch myself beyond half an hour. Wow. Yeah, no, five minutes. Wow.

It's my escape time. Yeah. And the dog comes to the door and she sits and she watches me and I'll chat with her and I'll go, look at this. And I'll show her TikTok and then and she'll go

and then I'll go back to it. Yeah. I love when the animals watch you poop. It's my favorite thing in the world. Because they do it. I watch her poop. She watches me. It's a fair balance.

I really like. I make her pick mine up though. Yeah. Go get up here and clean this up. She just opens the door. Yeah, you let them in No, you let them out You don't look after them

To see who's pooping and who's not See, I have a little thing You don't do it What are you saying? I do I have a little note I go Lai's poop

Oh, you did Taking notes Yeah, because I care What's your rule now Are you finally cleaning up your poop After being called out For years of not cleaning up poop In the neighborhood?

No, she doesn't So you don't take the dogs For a walk ever During my backyard No, that hasn't happened in 10 years Because that's the problem with the hills. You can't take a dog for the walk in the hills.

You can't. No, when you have a backyard, you just let them out. It's not a walk. You have to take a dog for a fucking walk. You got to take them for a walk. I take them out sometimes to hike. You go up the trails? I've never seen that happen one time.

Oh my God. Not one time I have it. You have nothing new to report. I'm so shocked. I haven't seen you in so long. You have nothing new to report. I have to buy new mugs because Peter Bobby. That's not true.

Let go. Let it go. Let go and let go on. Don't do your... Don't do the AA speak. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm gonna do it. Don't let go, let go, like on.

One day at a time. He told me that don't, like you gotta wash the mugs really well because I pee at, I pee in them at night. You have a bathroom in your room. He doesn't eat in bed, but he pees in bed. Yeah. Wait, you have a bathroom. I'll just replace all the mugs and he said, no, just keep them. Why, why would you pee in a mug?

Just go to the bathroom. It's right there. Sometimes the distance from when we're sitting to the bathroom's too long. Imagine when you go to sell this house. Sometimes. And they're like, it's a poo room downstairs.

There's a piss room upstairs. And the piss mugs come with the home, just so you know. There is no pool. It's got coffee in it. I mean, who's gonna buy that? You said too much on this show about your home. Deep cleaning.

Huh? Deep cleaning. You're gonna have to set it on fire. Okay. You have to burn the fucking thing to the ground. No. He did that in Coachella and I saw him and he tried to say no, I never peed on anything. Oh yeah. Why? He denied it. Why are you peeing in mugs? I need to know. These are the same mugs people drink out of it? Yeah. It's a territory. It's a territory thing. You're marking

your territory in your home. It's your house. It's a territory thing. You own the territory. It doesn't matter. Again, he's burning the boats. I'm in shock because I remember Jules talking about that and I have no shame. It's not about shame. It's hygiene. It's insane. And I will stay where I'm at with my behavior. You know what?

Maybe let her not move in. I think her not moving. That's a good idea. How do you feel about it? I just hate it because I feel like every time I just use a mug, I can like, I feel like I can smell. But you can't. That's the thing. But I.

Because I did do a cleat. But I'm telling you. You do a deep cleep? Oh my God. He'll do a deep cleop on him. You won't be able to snark him if he deep cleop. Dude, I can't speak today. It's so weird.

So weird. I do decloop. I need help, I think. Is I go the hospital? Yes. Call it to go in. No, I got it. Honestly, I'm concerned.

I'm full of anxiety. This is day one with, you know. I know, you're back. It's fine. But it's like, you know. When did your mom come back? The 15. Can she do some kind of like ritual spell on him to get him back to where he needs to

Shake some stuff at him. But he always feels better when mom is our own. Your mother has such an incredible energy. Your mom is such a, I love your mom. I love laughter and I love joy. And I feel it throughout the house, transcending through the walls. When she's there.

In general, past memories, you know what I mean? The past laughs. These walls can talk. Yeah, they can talk, right? So I can hear the creeks and it tells me a story. The creeks and cracks. Yeah. Crevices and crew.

Yeah. And the story involves a lot of trials and tribunals. How many trials? Three. How many trips? One. I've only been through one tribulation. But a lot of trials.

Three. Yeah. And all in that house. So everything tells a story. Everything has to tell a story. Yeah. That's cutting board. You think about that cutting board a lot?

The cutting board tells a story. What does it say? Ginger. Garlic. I thought you were talking about me. I was like, no, no, no, basil. It all tells a story. But anyway, it's really good to be here.

And I'm glad we were able to recap on a many issues. We've got to get you to the hospital. I think we need to take you to the hospital. No. I feel great. Take care of glasses. They look fine. You want to see my new license?

Do I? This is my best photo yet. It's my best work. Do you just go retake your license photo? Yeah. Can you just send it in now? You don't have to do it. I have to go in and take the photo because I want to do it.

the best face. Could you like being recognized at the DMV? What do you have in there? No, no. What do you have a assistant waited in line. Look at my new. Oh, it looks nice, actually. It's a nice license.

Oh, that's funny, you're doing like a cross-side. You look like me. Yeah. By the way, but by the way, I gotta show you, I should have sent the picture. The Chicago Cubs sent me a jersey because I never went to Philly to the All-Star game because, you know, remember the flights got canceled

and they sent me my jersey and it says Bobby Mom on the back. That's amazing. It's incredible. You have my license back? No. Okay. Class, none. None.

No, C, class C. Thank you. Sex. None. Hopefully. A lot recently. Eyes brown, hair's black. Eyes low.

Yeah, yeah. Eyes low. 5-4-160. Exactly. You're 5-3. Why do you lie? Give me my fucking license back. Why would you?

You lied. I don't like the way you're holding it like an ice agent. I'm holding it. Look at that. Look at that hold. Where are you coming from? No, it. Okay, get in the van. Wrong answer.

Get my license back. That's right there. Fuck you. Serene. Dion. I've never seen you so like... I'm Serene Dion. Am I not?

The Asian Celine Dion? Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, Serene Dion. I don't know any songs from her, but I'll try. I will always find you. You don't know any Celine Dion songs? The Titanic.

Yeah, I don't forget how it goes. My heart will go on. Do you give me the tune and I'll sing it after? My heart will go on near far. Whereat Saline Dion. Yeah, she sings her name in it. Yeah, yeah. I don't know why she does that.

Maybe to make people know it's her song. Yeah. I didn't sleep good last night. I had maybe two or three hours of sleep, and that's what's coming. I slept so good. I know. We do have polar opposite nights sometimes.

Isn't that funny, though? Some nights when I sleep bad, you've slept for 40 hours. Sometimes I get night scurries, and then you don't. You know what I do in the middle of the night now? I put my hands behind my back like an old Asian guy,

and I shuffle to the bathroom. Yeah. I like the way it feels. Yeah, and sometimes I can just climb the side of my house. You climb the side of it? Yeah, yeah. I have little rock dentures in there. You climb to the roof?

Yeah, yeah, I do. You just sit up there and think? Yeah, like white people. He has a ladder. Yeah. Just get up on the roof. I parkour everything. You park her on your house.

That's white people. That's we're the best at that. You're the best at any of those extreme things. And I have to admit that right now at loud. Like the wingsuit guys. You guys are great at that. That's probably one of our best things. Hutter balloons.

You know what we don't do anymore is movie nights. Just you and I. Why don't you do that? Well, he's busy with his girlfriend. No, she doesn't like spending time with me. I do. But I showed my girlfriend a movie. that she had never seen before.

And that, you know, holds up, I think. Braveheart. Braveheart. Yeah, I've never seen it. And I'll tell you what it's about, Willie Wallace. Willie Wallace. His name, the actor's William Wallace?

Yeah, Willie Wallace. Who's he? He's playing Mel Gibson. Yeah. Willie Wallace. Oh, is that the Jutz guy? Yeah. Oh, I love him. Yeah, he, don't you love it when he does that?

Yeah. And, um... Such a good movie. It really is a good movie. So good. Yeah. Although I go... Scotland!

For Scotland! Yeah, dude. For freedom! For freedom! For freedom! I wonder if Scottish people like that. You think they like that movie? Well, he's the number one guy, historical figure.

He's Australian, though, right? The actor is, yes. Isn't that weird? It's crazy. Do you ever think about that that he's... He doesn't seem like he's Australian. It's nut. Jules, you have nothing new to report.

What about your behavior with eggs? Your egg behavior. God. We're worried about it. To a child. your behavior with eggs. Yeah, yeah. Eggs?

Yes. Your egg behavior. What's egg behavior? You know. I'll tell you why. I have to get new eggs because of the expiration date. All right? So it's like you.

Yeah, but you don't eat eggs past the expiration date, do you? They eat eggs with birds in them. These people eat bird eggs with a just recently dead bird. They're going to eat expired kicking it. In my house, right? We abide by expiration date. But they're still good That doesn't matter

If this is August I don't have diarrhea What? I eat the expired eggs In fact when you get home tonight You're making me four Baked potato I'm not baked potato

You're gonna boiled eggs Baked potato You gotta go to the hospital man That's so far away from boiled eggs Baked potato He's done with a bee It just starts with a bee It's unbelievable

If stored below 40 degrees egg You can have eggs for so long The expiration date's bullshit I read the expiration date I don't get what you guys say I'm not gonna get some of what does it say Three to five weeks past that date They're still good

A month past the expiration date So that's what you do Yes dude Yes it's bullshit I want four eggs at home Boiled free Okay When there's mold on the bread

I just cut the mold off and still eat it's insane No if a banana's bruised at all I can't eat it Yeah, you're... What? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's been beat up. I can't do it.

Pussy. My stomach, call my stomach a pussy. Pussy. Yeah. We have to... You got to let bananas go bad for banana bread. Yeah, I don't make that. Do you like banana bread?

Dude, you know what? I think I like banana bread breads more than most people on earth. I'll have to say that. Most people. Yeah. Dude, every time I'm in Hawaii or in Maui or where, whatever, right? And I walk, and I do the road to Hana, and there's that one lady that's a little too

inconveniently to my right to pull over, but I pull over anyway. To get her banana bread. Exactly. My wife makes banana bread. I'm going to bring you something. It's fucking phenomenal. It can't be good. Oh, it can't be good?

I just said that guy. Why? Because she's white. They don't know how to make it. Banana bread was definitely our thing. No, it's not. Banana bread is definitely an islander thing. No, it's fucking...

It's too intricate and full of flavor and moistness. and buttery? Who started banana bread? It's got to be the fucking whites. It can't be. It better be. I'll tell you that. I'm changing Wikipedia if it's not. Banana bread was what? Not invented by a single person. Emerging North America in the late 19th and early 20 centuries is a resourceful kitchen creation. North America.

So you invented it. Early mention of banana bread. Congratulations! Early mention of banana bread appeared in Lawrence Kansas newspaper. Kansas! It couldn't be wider. There is no black people in Kansas. I just trust it more when it comes.

to island because they're more associated with the banana. No, they're not. They're associated with selling the banana to the white man. The banana, right, is an island treat. Na-na, banana. Banana is. It's a white person. Yeah, and pineapple.

Here's the thing. Because this is where the bananas come from in the islands. Yeah. They get rid of the ones that bruise like you do. But the whites took it on and we said, we'll take the bruises and we'll make something out of it. Okay. When life gives you bruised bananas, you make banana.

Stick with strawberry shortcakes. Don't tell me how to Yeah, yeah, yeah, stick with strawberry shortcakes And we'll take the banana bread You dare tell me how to pastry, pal Okay Because pastry is not in your world Asian pastry, no thank you

Asian pastry is the best in the market right now, guy Dude, you're absurd Fried ice cream Yeah Fried ice cream, that's your thing No, French and the whites do pastry is the best Not now though, we took over the game No, you fucking didn't

Go to Korea Town, dude We took over the game, dude No, I don't want a kimchi fucking donut Do you have you ever rid of kimchi scone? it sounds good yeah in Hawaii right at

what's it called you gotta come up Molokalalo if you go to mochalalo is that a kimchi scone yeah yeah yeah kimchi scones are so good

yeah yeah yeah leave it to the French not leave it to the French because what Asians do is like well put go to Jong in it I don't want go choo jong in a fucking muffin that's insane okay leave it to the French

that's why you haven't grown your taste needs You pissing mugs in your house. I haven't grown. You pee inside of coffee mugs in your home. Yeah, and you need to open up your fucking table here and open it up. I'm closing the table, pal. No one is invited the table now.

It's over. What does it say? When an adult urinates in mugs, bottles are unconventional containers that points to a breakdown in typical behavior, psychological, and neurological functioning. I'm in trouble. They may be on a podcast stumbling through their words. Dementia. Delirium.

It's even worse. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love delirium. You are delirium. Yeah, yeah. I've been in delirium states before. I've been delirium. All right, we'll close it out, Jules. Look at the camera. Thank you for being a bad friend. Do you wish you could just hit skip on the worst parts of your life?

You know the same way you can skip an ad? I get it. I'm Siyaya and I live in Ice Cove. I've made some questionable decisions that didn't end up the way I planned. And today, I'm still figuring it out. Somehow things usually get worse before they get better. Apparently, that's how I roll. So bundle up and come along for the bumpy ride.

Don't miss the new season of North of North starting September 8th on CBC Gem.