Bad Friends - Is It Poo Or Is It Cake?

Starting point is 00:00:00 Here we go Rolling Stone calls killers of the flower moon a masterpiece I do love that money, sir. It must be seen on the big screen from director Martin's Corsesse Leonardo DiCaprio Reperton, you're oh my god killers of the flower moon October 20th get tickets now Hey Bad friends live and we're at the tail end of our trip We're going to the tail end this is it and we're dude. We've got a special show. Yeah, if you don't go, dude, you're dumb, dude. You're dumb, dumb, dude.

Starting point is 00:00:26 They're coming up and Washington, DC. Denver, then Denver. Denver, Colorado, you gotta get tickets now. That's right. Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Yep. Chicago, Illinois, my hometown. Minneapolis, Minnesota.

Starting point is 00:00:38 Where you're from, Minnesota. They happened to me there, man. And then the very last date is Madison, Wisconsin. Yeah, go check it out, dude. So let me tell you something, D.C., you're up next. Then Denver, get ready. Get ready. We're strolling down the line.

Starting point is 00:00:51 Get in. We're going to the Midwest. We love you guys. Go to badfriendspod.com for those tickets. Badfriendspod.com. You can hit my face from there, right? I'll promote you, right? If I can spit it, it can hit your face.

Starting point is 00:01:01 You'll promote tomorrow. Yeah. I'm going to upload my backup doing this. Ready? Yeah. Please guys. Oh! That's so hard. It's shoulder.

Starting point is 00:01:12 It's shoulder dead. I'm trying. Try what? I think it'll be just hits my head. Show me. I'm not promoting tomorrow. I'm not promoting tomorrow. I'm not gonna promote anything.

Starting point is 00:01:22 It's fucking fat. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There's the hostility. Dude, you don't know how to take a fucking loss, dude. I choose a little for you to do the last.

Starting point is 00:01:32 Yeah? I'm the LK and yeah. Great user. That's that's, that's your spray. You two are bad friends. You are these two idiots. Wooo! My dude, an Asian dude.

Starting point is 00:01:43 You two are disgusting. Wooo! I'll be here, kiddo. You'll be here, bud. Oh, don't be here. Well, wherever you're gonna be, there's still gonna be Halloween. Yeah, but I won't have to hand out candy this year. I've never handed out candy. I just turn all the lights off. Well, kids don't go to the... Who's going to the hills to get...

Starting point is 00:01:53 I'm gonna be here. I'm gonna be here. I'm gonna be here. I'm gonna be here. I'm gonna be here. I'm gonna be here. I'm gonna be here. I'm gonna be here.

Starting point is 00:02:01 I'm gonna be here. I'm gonna be here. I'm gonna be here. I'm gonna be here. I'm gonna be here. I'm gonna be here. I'm gonna be here. I'm gonna be here. Well, wherever you're gonna be, there's still gonna be Halloween. Yeah, but I won't have to hand out candy this year. I've never handed out candy. I turn all the lights off. Well, kids don't go to the, who's going to the hills to get fucking candy?

Starting point is 00:02:11 That's great. I still turn all the lights. For who? Your name? I do it for Jehovah Witness and Halloween. You don't wanna talk to some J-Witz? No, it did. Really?

Starting point is 00:02:20 Yeah, I'm always like in the dark like this, seeing them walk by. See, I like to hand out candy. Don't you think it's cute when the kids come through? Yeah, my last place was such a crap house. I didn't want anyone coming up there. You didn't want to give them some fentanyl on the way home? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:02:33 No, let me, why candy though? Huh? We should switch it up. No, it's easier to lure them in with it. What? Yeah. Yeah. You know, I mean, I wouldn't have thought it would be cool.

Starting point is 00:02:45 Or do you want a king size? Huh? Come on. Then wouldn't a dollar be cool? Yeah. That's so funny. You say that. There were Asians in my neighborhood that handed out money.

Starting point is 00:02:55 That's right. We did it. You had out money. Yeah. A dollar. What is that with you guys? We love it. Money is better than candy.

Starting point is 00:03:03 I'll tell you that right now. Because money gets you candy. Dude, for fucking Christmas, let me say something about Christmas, dude. Okay, growing up when we were six years old My dad got no more He goes no more Christmas at three Because the latter will fit when I was five they put one up and it stayed in the house all year round Yeah, but to the point where all the Pine fell off me was is that what it is in needles. Yeah, so the point where all the pine fell off. Needless. Is that what it is?

Starting point is 00:03:26 Yeah, so it was just branches, right? Yeah. So all your, and then my mom would put squid on it. What? You'd to dry the squid. What? Yeah, yeah, and like laundry. Well, laundry makes sense.

Starting point is 00:03:38 Yeah, yeah, yeah, but it was like laundry and like dried squid on this fucking branch tree. And my dad won't go, no more! That's really the nightmare before Christmas. That's what that, yeah, yeah, yeah. What's the most impressive thing you ever got? For Christmas? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:03:52 I mean, my dad would give me those visa gift cards, but I was like, I wish you put some thought into this. Yeah, what is about you guys and thoughts? I don't know. You like people with your thoughts? Your brother's not one. Yeah, I want feeling with it. Yeah, we do.

Starting point is 00:04:06 No, no. Every year like Kaliila, right? I would just go, here's an iPad. And she was like, you know, every year I get an iPad. But she's, I know, but that's $800. She's mixed, right? Yeah, but she's still white. The white side was like, the white side was like,

Starting point is 00:04:21 I want thoughts. Yeah, it'd be nice to get an iPad and a note. No, no. What's the note for? Show some love. Yeah. No, I want thoughts. Yeah, it'd be nice to get an iPad and a note. No, no. What's the note for? Show some love. Yeah. No, I say it verbally. Just do it to me right now.

Starting point is 00:04:30 Give me a note. Okay, dear, who are you? Me. You have to be you? I'm me home. I don't want you to be you. You want me to be. Be just my neighbor, John.

Starting point is 00:04:42 I'm John your neighbor. Okay, dear John What a beautiful neighbor you are You okay John oh yeah, yeah And you know is so what a joy at this time of year to share my Holy greetings with my neighbor John anyway happy Christmas. I Have cancer Yeah, and I go, bye. Oh, here's our iPad.

Starting point is 00:05:07 Whoa. Redish and Hoshbush. Yeah. But what I'm saying is, you guys, especially women, with their, I want to feel, you know, it's like, yeah, we want some emotional attachment. No. No, like that's more important than the gift.

Starting point is 00:05:19 Yeah. No. Yes, it is. Oh, so you'd rather have, okay, you'd rather, let me say something, all right. You'd rather, you. Okay. Oh, so you'd rather have okay you don't have let me say something all right You don't know you okay. I'm sorry a lot of white women in the studio today I don't know why it's getting me crazy. I know enough of the pumpkin spice Well, I agree with you. This is bullshit. It's not a good flavor. It's never been a good flavor and go fuck yourself

Starting point is 00:05:40 You're never gonna stop that. Yes, and stuff has no business. White people stop crocheting. No, no, no, that one I'm cool with. And you're bat-mitten. We need bat-mitten. I love it. I'm tired of your white ways. You don't want to smack a shuttlecock once in a while. What?

Starting point is 00:05:54 It's called a shuttlecock. You don't want to smack that thing around. Yeah, you don't want to smack a cock in the backyard. I'm sorry, but no more pumpkin spice. Pumpkin spice is nothing. And no more thoughts. No thoughts are nice. Because let me say something, and this year,

Starting point is 00:06:07 for your birthday, because you did such a great job on my birthday. Thank you. I'm gonna have to put some thoughts into it. Yes. But I don't want to. That's why it means something. That's why it means something.

Starting point is 00:06:17 But you're the only one I'm gonna give you thoughts. I like that. Yeah, yeah. Like, I'm like, I'm like I'm gonna Hawaii with a young lady Okay All right private jet No first class spirit. Yeah Oh, yeah, you give her the windows. Yeah, yeah, um, what's that?

Starting point is 00:06:46 West head back right and you know you step by Canada first yeah, so you're going to step by Canada first? Yeah. So you're going to Hawaii with a nice young suite? What am I saying? And you're going to rebuild houses? That's no more to find kids first. What are you going to do with them? No, I mean, there's some people missing, so we're going to go to Maui and find them. Oh, you're the search for the young.

Starting point is 00:06:59 Sure. Oh, that's sweet. That's over there. That's nice. But then we're going to tan too and eat nice food. And this is how I tan right here, like this. But anyway, that alone is a thoughtful thing that I'm doing. Taking someone to Maui.

Starting point is 00:07:16 I'm sure. Like when I take you to dinner and I pay for it, right? Yeah. Do I pay for it? You always do. I always do, right? Yeah. That's thoughtful.

Starting point is 00:07:24 I love those. But I don't have to say it and I don't have to put any thought into it. Right. You always do. I always do, right? Yeah. That's thoughtful. I love those. But I don't have to say it, and I don't have to put any thought into it. Right. Yeah. But you know, the gesture is nice. I do every day, I do generous gestures of love. Give me a GG of love right now.

Starting point is 00:07:36 What did you do today? What's a generous gesture of love that you did today? To you? In general, that you did today. What did you do today? You said you do them every day? What's today? Oh, I know. you, I know, I know, okay. Today's Tuesday.

Starting point is 00:07:48 You got your nails done. That's not it, though. You got your hands shortened, do they? No, no, no, I got my nails done. Oh, right, right. I don't know if they're shrunk. So I go to a place, we go with a bunch of... Hold on, let me see.

Starting point is 00:08:01 Yeah. Beverly Hills housewives? Yeah. No. They've got work done. Yeah. Beverly Hills housewives? Yeah. They've got work done. Yeah. Right. And they're always, they're always like, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Starting point is 00:08:12 They're always like, wait, go, bye, bye, bye, bye. Right. Right. Yeah. Right. And I give them $100 tip, hands and and foot separate. $100 a piece? Yeah, that's insane. That's it.

Starting point is 00:08:27 But that's generous. Is that thoughts? No, that's just, is that thoughts? That's rich guy shit. Yeah, but still dude, I'm telling you right now. I'm gonna, all right, I'm gonna call somebody out right now. I'm gonna call somebody out right now, dude. All right, okay.

Starting point is 00:08:43 Well, I'm not gonna say his name, but you can guess. Okay, he wrote a bunch of spiritual books. Very popular spiritual. Elrond Hubbard. Someone like that. All right. And I used to work at a restaurant way, way back. We know.

Starting point is 00:08:58 Okay. Yeah. And the spiritual guy used to come in there and he wouldn't tip that well. And we knew that he had money. What we talked about. Yes, what? Ramdas or whatever his name is?

Starting point is 00:09:08 Not Ramdas. What are you fucking talking about? Ramdas or tip? Yeah, yeah. Jesus Ramdas, he would all tip. What's going on with you? Yeah, yeah. Ramdas.

Starting point is 00:09:15 Was that a joke or was that an honest guess? No, I thought he was, because he's by San Diego sometimes, so I really thought. When's the last time you jerked off? You look, you feel like you're built up. Yeah, you say go. No, I'm not.

Starting point is 00:09:24 I hooked up with the girl last night. Come. She had a shirt that said, I like it. Did you come? Yes, I came. All right, we'll get to that in a second. Give me back to the famous guy who did not tip.

Starting point is 00:09:33 Four days by the way. Huh? Four days. For you? Yeah. Someone's holding out. I'm holding out. That thing is going to, I know.

Starting point is 00:09:41 It's so hard. And last night was the toughest one. I know. Pump it up that balloon. It's going to pop out last night was the toughest one. I know. Last night was the... Pump it up that balloon. It's gonna pop through right? I was playing Starfield, right?

Starting point is 00:09:49 You were just coming during Starfield? No, no, no, no. Oh yeah. So exciting the game. I'm playing Starfield and I'm on a planet and I'm like, you know, at a weapons installation. Got it. But let me finish. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:10:01 Right. There's too many details. And also like the Crimson Fleet Sarah. So I'm going around with my fucking gun. I got a new gun that, you know what I mean, upgraded and stuff in my house in a, um, a killer city. I have a house in a killer city. Oh cool.

Starting point is 00:10:17 Let me finish. Right. And so I'm like, you know, snipe, snipe, snipe, snipe snipe snipe. But my dick is like, snipe, snipe too. Oh. See what I'm like, you know, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, Snipe, S Don't want to offend the guy. Toki the dumb dumb right was up. Ready to go right. Man this story is like your sex life. Like is he ever gonna finish? This is a singer did. Thank you. That's a singer did.

Starting point is 00:10:55 I like it. Montreal next year. Oh, you faces anyway. Uh oh. We'll be right back. I take back what I said. Sorry. Did you do that?

Starting point is 00:11:04 I hope not. When you give him a good day. I'm sorry. New faces anyway We'll be right back what I said. Sorry. Did you do that? I hope not when you give them a good zinger That's like when you poke poke one of those voodoo dolls. I'll never choke again. So anyway, I'm fine This guy didn't tip very well down rich guys. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Well, no, I pinched the head of my dick. I was never finished last night Hmm. I like how these two things are kind of Well, it's like a I'm like a terrible movie dude. It's It's too, I, I like how these two things are kind of, oh, it's like a, I'm like a Tarantino movie dude. It's really on.

Starting point is 00:11:28 Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I pinched ahead of my dick and he went, you're right, but then he went back to sleep. I did like a, well, he tapped him out. I did a rear naked choke, I did a rear naked choke to my dick dude. You tapped out your dick. I tapped out my dick dude.

Starting point is 00:11:44 And he's like, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, right? But there's no rough. There's no rough. No, that's it. Let him pass out. Yeah, I let him pass out. Yeah, because my fingers are like black belt and jiu-jitsu. So I pinched him out.

Starting point is 00:11:56 He fell, anyway, back to the spiritual guy. He didn't tip that well every time. And I know a lot of guys that don't. So for you, when I went to the Nailslam. Yes, so don't do that Don't not tip no, I'm just saying don't say that because I have a little bit of money and I tip that was still generous First of all $100 is more than generous. That's rich guy shit $20 a person would have been generous I can't tell you why I do that though because you only have hundreds no well, that's true That's true. Yeah, let me look at my pull.. Well, that's true. Yeah. That's true.

Starting point is 00:12:25 Yeah. Let me look at my... There is no, there's no small bills. That's the problem. Let me look. Same thing. We were, what, we were valing somewhere. I said, do you have any money? I said, just give me a couple bucks. You get a hundred dollar bills.

Starting point is 00:12:34 I can't give that to the valedict. That's, why would, that's, that's too much money. You would have done that though. Look, hundred, hundred, hundreds, hundreds. Yeah. Oh yeah, they're all hundreds. Right. So that's what I'm talking about. Oh yeah, but do you know why though?

Starting point is 00:12:44 Get smaller bills. No, but guess why. Do you know why? Because you get paid in hundreds from where shows? Yeah, yeah, I know. So that's not But go to a thing and break your right your right your right What was I say give that money to the girls? No, don't want to give it to the girls. Yeah, well, look at them. They do not Yeah, look at them. They do not you know for the show pump with spice girls. Are they pumpkin spice girls? Yeah, the pumpkin spice girls. They're the look at them. They're cru you don't. They're pumped for the show. Pumped with spice girls. Are they pumped in spice girls? Yeah. They're pumped in spice girls. They're, they're, look at them. They're cru, they crochet.

Starting point is 00:13:09 Well, one of them nips. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Guess which one nips. They probably have an ottoman. Do you have an ottoman? But I mean, I have an ottoman at the house. Yeah. Gay.

Starting point is 00:13:17 Gay. Who's gay here, right? Well, it's easier to blow my boyfriend when my knees are on the ottoman. I don't want to go on the ground in the heart. I was about to, I bet you money, girls, right? Have nooks. Yeah, they have a nook, a reading nook.

Starting point is 00:13:29 A reading nook, a breakfast nook. And you probably have candles that smell nice. Right? That I don't. I love candles. I love candles. I love candles. These are all candles.

Starting point is 00:13:40 And you probably have a barrel of rice somewhere. I mean, yeah, we all have our thing. We all have our thing. Okay. All right, anyway. You don't have good smelling candles in the house? I actually do. I have, I just bought some,

Starting point is 00:13:53 about a gigantic Santel one. Love those. I don't wanna talk about it now because of the. $1,000, $2,000. I don't wanna talk about it now because of the... Tell me how much, tell me how much. The big one. Why about two candles and a gigantic one, and then two sprays?

Starting point is 00:14:14 I spent about 400 bucks maybe. Oh, that's not bad. I mean, it's a lot of money, but I thought for some reason in my mind I thought that was gonna be one of those. Just FYI, I don't really have a lot of money. Okay, let's go to that now. Okay, let's move on.

Starting point is 00:14:25 Okay, let's move on. Okay. I thought, by the way, I thought when Oliver was here, he was gonna get you to put down the vape. You did make it seem like he was gonna get you to stop vaping. Well, who's fault is this? Guess in the room who's faultless Jules?

Starting point is 00:14:41 Wait, who's fault is the... Why I'm smoking Jules again. Carlos, thank you. What, I mean, I know. Thank you. You fucked me up again. You know, you fucked me up. How did I fuck you up?

Starting point is 00:14:51 Okay, I'll tell you this. Okay, you tell me everything. You gave me 100 milligram edible. It got me- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoa! A couple of years ago, I'm sober now almost two years. No.

Starting point is 00:15:01 It lifted me into another level of weed use and I've never gone back. So he forced you to eat it? Well, he offered it to me and wanted to deny it. So I put you at another level of consciousness. Yeah, I like it, but I think. Yeah, good. And you've all seen it. And you're probably dreaming better.

Starting point is 00:15:18 That night I did dream really well. You're welcome. And then he employed you and pays your bills. And I employed you and pay your bills and what not? And such. Thank you for every. Did you get your car fixed? You know he got his car keyed.

Starting point is 00:15:30 Oh shit. The first fucking week this guy's got a car he gets keyed. Yeah. This guy. You got it fixed? No. No, you're never going to get fixed. Like I said, you like my car.

Starting point is 00:15:39 That's a nice one. Well, you're never going to get that fixed. I'm never going to get my fixed. Everybody at the comedy show, there's a running bet on if you're going to. Are you really? Yeah. Yeah. Over there. Just're gonna... Are you really? Yeah. Just let me fix them for you. Yeah, I know what got me.

Starting point is 00:15:47 I know what got me. Yeah, he wants to fix it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like I wish we could show a photo to the fans of your car. It's so bad. It's so bad. You know when you see a car, people at home,

Starting point is 00:15:55 you know when you see a car that's in one of the junkyards and it gets smooshed from one of those machines, his is like if they did it to the sides. They smashed the sides. And they picked it up and moved it. Well, I know it's not your fault, but it's hysterical, that's been that way for what, six months?

Starting point is 00:16:08 Yeah. I just, okay, I mean, I just don't know what to do. Well, do you want me to do it for you? Because I mean, I know you gave me a guy, then I had my guy call the guy. We made an appointment and they go, okay, come at three o'clock or whatever, whatever, right? Yeah, I just never showed up.

Starting point is 00:16:19 Well, that's what I'm gonna do. So by the way, my guy. It's not to show up. My guy is so good, he'll fix it for, I mean, it's. I know, the guy we contacted that guy, that guy was like, yeah. And when we go on tour the next time, this time, we're getting fixed.

Starting point is 00:16:31 We're getting fixed. I like it. All right, tell us about your little expedition the other night. Oh, I went on a date with this girl. Yeah. And she shows up wearing a tank top that says, I lovecom. Stop.

Starting point is 00:16:43 And if she, in public? Yeah, in an echo park. Oh, man. I get back in my car and go home She's hot. Why Italian? Demi she you gonna walk around with a girl that is shirt on that says I love calm Let me say something okay, if I'm a smoothie, huh if I'm a smoothie. You're not But let's say I was a smoothie. I put that I see it now. You see it right and I'm like, you know a banana smoothie Oh, yeah, right and I was a smoothie hypersonic. I see it now. You see it right. And I'm like, you know, a banana smoothie. Yeah. Right.

Starting point is 00:17:06 And, um, Chocolate lovers and their cocoa. And I want smoothie to drink me. Right. I'm gonna drink it. And I'm on, I'm on hinge. I match with a girl. Oh, I thought you said unhinged.

Starting point is 00:17:15 Right. So I, True. You know what I mean? They don't have legs smoothies. No. Right. But, you know, I mean, I get to the house.

Starting point is 00:17:23 I knock it, right. And the door opens and she says, I love smoothies. Oh, I drink smoothies or whatever. I would be excited. That's what I'm saying. Right. But in this scenario, it's too real. You have come inside you.

Starting point is 00:17:33 Yeah. She likes the calm. Right. You like it when the calm is being retrieved from your body. Mm-hmm. You know? Yeah, I do.

Starting point is 00:17:40 You don't like it when it's released from your body. No, but it's more fun when I don't really know how much she loves it. Yeah. But what if she didn't like it at all? Let me give you a better example. Okay, go ahead. Sorry, that was a bad example.

Starting point is 00:17:48 When I go to my family's, no, it's a great example. When I go to my family's house, like my extended family. Yeah. And they cook a dish that I like. Yeah. That's a fun surprise. Uh-huh. I don't need to know the whole time that the dish is on its way.

Starting point is 00:18:01 I like to be surprised. Right. I like to get through. But what if they bring up who? What? See, that's what I'm saying. Oh, you're thinking they might flip it on you. Yeah, they might flip it on you, right? So what's your favorite dish of all time? No, the dish that you're at home and you, you know, it's a surprise or whatever. At lasagna. Oh, great. Love lasagna. So you're sitting there, right? You smell lasagna, right? You're at the dinotip love right? Right. So you're sitting there right you smell lasagna right? You're at the dinner table right? They like the candles, you know, what are the candles for?

Starting point is 00:18:28 No, they smell good in the room. Yeah, he yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and there's like the flavor of the candles pumpkin spicy. No, I don't like them. Oh, whatever. Okay, okay. I'm blowing them out and you're like you're you're looking at the nook and you know what book I'm gonna read and you I want to

Starting point is 00:18:43 put my feet up on that on them and write. Which you did it. And then in your head, right? And you're like, I smell those onions coming, right? And then they bring out poo. So what I'm saying is that. Wait a minute. Your aunt had lasagna's coming on her shirt.

Starting point is 00:19:00 You have some weird dates, Bobby. Wait a minute, is it poo or is it cake? That's a good show. Is it poo or is it cake? You should make that. I think, I don't think my, I don't think it could, you got it what I was saying. No one else on planet Earth understood what I was saying.

Starting point is 00:19:17 But you know what, imagine if you had to eat it first. Yeah, that's right. Is it poo or is it cake? You're not allowed to cut it. Yeah, you did. Right. I know what you're saying. I came? You're not allowed to cut it. Yeah, yeah, right. I know what you're saying. I know what you're saying. Okay, good.

Starting point is 00:19:28 Let's hear the rest of this bullshit the same day. A girl who wrote, I love, come on her shirt, which by the way, it's not sold. That's, you know, I can't scoop that up at American Eagle. That's a custom shirt she had made. Well, yeah, she told me she went down to the Santa Monica pier for the same guy that does like caricatures and he's like you want a shirt What do you want it to say? Yeah, she liked it said I love calm and it did get me a little excited But then to be fair you do forget about it after a while you forget that she's wearing a shirt

Starting point is 00:19:55 This is I love come yeah, because she has a jacket and like it just says I love see for a second So you could kind of forget about the whole yeah, I wouldn't forget the season the middle of the shirt Yeah, it's a see you no The cum goes up to the left. No, it's vertical. It's a sea of... Oh, okay, okay, okay, okay. So what I also wanna know is, where did you take this human on a date?

Starting point is 00:20:13 Oh, so we went on a walk with Archie, my dog, at a park. Oh my God. And then... Not to a restaurant or a facility or a bar. That was her fucking idea. I'm normally not the, oh, let's go on a walk guy. Like, that's crazy. That's not crazy, I think that's a nice date. I'm normally not the oh, let's go on a walk guy like that's crazy

Starting point is 00:20:32 That's not crazy. I think that's a nice date. So I never do that. I'm just like meet me at a bar restaurant. No, no, no take a walk. Okay. Yeah, so We go to a bar. I can't bring my dog in so I go. I'll just go to my place. Oh Trickery trickery trickery trickery. No, no, it's a little trickery. That's what we're doing at hand. Yeah, yeah. Well, she invited me to her place. I was like, no, we'll go to my place. I knew my place would be nice. That's Expellius Seamanus. You did a little fucking trickery on her right there. Very positive. Thank you, dude.

Starting point is 00:20:53 Spellius Seamanus, yeah. Expellius Seamanus. Yeah. Here's the problem. Now you're going to employ this in the future because you know you can take the dog out and go, we can't bring the dog in here. Oh, a million percent.

Starting point is 00:21:03 Right, so it just taught him a new move. Yeah. Now he's gonna take the dog on all the days to go, you guys don't take dogs here? And they're like, no, is there a service dog? And he's like, well, yeah. And they're like, I'm sorry, we don't. He's like, this is embarrassing.

Starting point is 00:21:13 Yeah. And this is my best friend. You're not gonna let me and my best friend and meet this new girl I'm dating. I mean, this is a fucking move, dude. I know, hell yeah. This is a huge move for you. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:21:21 So you guys went right back to your place and that's it. What if she says that, what if she says, we'll just drop the dog off and then we'll go. No, no, we always like let's just go to my place. She was all in. No, he's asking you a question, an alternative. This he's calling an alternative. What's the question? If she says drop the dog off the house, I want to go back to the bar. Mm. That's a lot of driving to go all the way home. Okay, good, good. I'm just, I'm just trying to be diligent. I got to tell you, you're, you're,

Starting point is 00:21:43 you're, if you say that to her, you're kind of cutting yourself out. Keep in mind she loves. Let me, oh, that's right. Okay, let me, you're in the place now. It's because I have certain moves. Okay. Well, don't give them away on the show. I'm never gonna say my moves.

Starting point is 00:21:56 I hear it. No, I'm gonna write a book one day. Yeah. You know what I mean, Bob? If he's moves. Yeah, you'll write a book. I'm gonna love it. Yeah, you know what, you'll write a book. Room, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, yeah, you'll write a book. I love it. Yeah, you'll write a book. Room!

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Starting point is 00:25:57 Must be nice and old or Ontario on this is very responsibility. You or someone you know has concerns about gambling. Visit connectsontario.ca. What do you do, do you go? The move is sitting outside on my deck. What? I like, we like chill outside on the deck. Smoke weed. Oh, you smoke weed, do drugs.

Starting point is 00:26:14 It's not drugs, I'm not giving her fentanyl. I know, I know, but still weed is a drug. Well, they're not gonna be sober. I, I know, I know. All right, so you smoke weed, you giggle, do you tell a joke? Yeah, we talk about things. Oh, you probably Google like dwarfs skeletons.

Starting point is 00:26:27 No, that's like, right. That's a good one. No, I can't do. Give us a topic on a date that you bring up in a conversation. Yeah, you're the girl. Yeah. Yes, I am. Yeah. Oh, man. This is a nice stack. Oh, thanks. It just moved in here. Cool. Yeah. What do you pay for rent here? Like 3500. Sounds right. Yeah. Do you you pay for rent here? Like 3500 sounds right. Yeah Do you want to smoke a joint? Um, I'm gonna light one. Okay cool. That's cool. Do you want some? No, I'm okay

Starting point is 00:26:54 You it's pretty good. I'd rather have come Right this way Okay, I guess that worked. Yeah, wow She keep the I love come shirt on while you guys were hooking up. No, that would have been funny. Yeah, it would have been, but now she took it. You're taking each other's clothes off. She's, well, she's smoked a cum.

Starting point is 00:27:11 She said, I rather come, right? I smoke it. I did go to a girls place. Yeah, and out of nowhere, she lights heroin on a spoon. She starts bubbling like pulp fiction. Out of nowhere? Let me tell you something. I bet you it wasn't out of nowhere.

Starting point is 00:27:25 You're right. It was in that sport. It was so, yeah, yeah. And escort and Hollywood was in escort. No regular Joe Shmo is just lighting up a chana spoon. Like, whoa, where did that come from? I bet you the circumstances led themselves to know this person's gonna do heroin. Can I say, I was on, I was at the Korean spot

Starting point is 00:27:43 two in the morning the other night. And it was on, so I was on Western heroin. I was at the Korean spa at two in the morning, the other night. And so I was on Western and Wilshire. Six. Like in that area, right? And then there's a string of prostitutes out there. And I stopped and I had my window rolled down and I see a prostitute and she looks and I went,

Starting point is 00:28:00 hi. She said hi. I did. What? I don't know why. You were playing with hi. I did. What? I don't know why. You were playing with fire, you wanted. No, I didn't know what to do. So I go, hi.

Starting point is 00:28:11 And she's like, she did something with her friends like move on. Cop, cop, cop, cop. Right away. Really? Yeah, yeah. You'd feel like a cop. I'd be like, that's a cop.

Starting point is 00:28:19 And I rolled up, I was like, why'd you say I like that? I've never been propositioned. I had a girl look at my car, then look at me, and then go, and then look the other way. I've never even had a, I looked like a cop then too. I looked like a cop, 100%. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:28:34 I rolled out my window once in Hollywood and just stopped where they all are. And I had my door unlocked. And I just want to see what would happen. Waiting for one to get in? Yeah, and one did get in, but it was, got a woman. What? It was a man dressed like a woman woman. I went. Oh, I'm good. I'm good I'm good. He was also wearing an I love com shirt

Starting point is 00:28:51 Same guy, but I was really lucky. He she got out of the car. They got out of the car They beat yourself the right shit. All right, I have a story to tell. Yeah, please so one time I gotta say some this guy's name so there's a comic name So I'm talking, I gotta say this guy's name, so there's a common name. You remember him? Yeah, I remember that guy. Right, so one night he was like, after a show where at the store he's like, let's go down to Santa Monica. I go, is there a restaurant there?

Starting point is 00:29:13 I'm, it's like one in the morning. There's stuff to eat down there. I know. Yeah, I go, where is it? No, no, no, let's get, you know, positive. Oh, I go, but they're all guys down there. He's like, dude, you're not gonna know the difference. Ooh.

Starting point is 00:29:26 You might, He's right. Wait, dude, really? You're not gonna know the difference. What some of them are really hot. I've seen some really hot trends. I mean, I would know the difference. I think I would know the difference.

Starting point is 00:29:35 I think I would know the difference. Yeah. Sometimes I don't know the difference. No, no. No, no. No, wait, sometimes you don't know the difference. What? You don't see the atoms apple? I don't look there. I'm not looking at your throat when I meet you. Oh, you don't look know the difference. What? You don't see the Adam's apple?

Starting point is 00:29:45 I don't look there. I'm not looking at your throat when I meet you. Oh, you don't look at the throat. That's the key. Never look at the throat. They'll look at the throat. That makes sense. It's more just like hands.

Starting point is 00:29:53 You don't look at the hands either. No, and that's what happened. So the guy who had in the car that it was like a black guy, huge hands. I was just like, dude, this is not a good one. You gotta be careful letting people into your world like this. I know.

Starting point is 00:30:03 Did you see this cop that hooked up in the back seat of his cruiser? Do you see this? No. They have it on video. It's like, what the fuck are you doing? He's like hooking up with this chick and then they get in the back seat of his cop car

Starting point is 00:30:14 in like broad daylight. It wasn't even like trying to be discrete. You saw this, fans? It's crazy. No. But then apparently he says, it was in the news. Apparently he said that it was consensual and they had done this before. He stopped someone and they... But it was in the news. Apparently he said that it was consensual and they had done this before.

Starting point is 00:30:26 He stopped someone and then... But it looked like... It obviously looked like he was being bad boy, bad boy. What you're gonna do? What you're gonna do when they come for you? Those are good lyrics. You should write a song. Seriously?

Starting point is 00:30:38 Yeah. That's really cool. Bad boy, bad boy. What you're gonna do? What you're gonna do when they come for you? That's a sense bit like a lyric. Like a vibe? Yeah man.

Starting point is 00:30:48 What is it? Say it. Bad boy, bad boy, bad boy. What you gonna do? Oh, this is great. Britney Spears dancing with knives. Let's take a look at this real fast. Fuck yeah dude.

Starting point is 00:31:02 Hey, can I tell you, I already made a joke about this a long time ago. She's a good spinning. On this show, we were all like free Britney, free Britney, and I said on this show, are you sure? Remember? Are you sure? You're saying she's too free. Are you sure you want her free?

Starting point is 00:31:19 Yeah, she's a little too free right now. People like she doesn't need a conservatorship. Are you sure? Yeah, you're right. Are you sure? You're right're right. Are you sure? You're right. She's wielding kitchen knives. Look at her dogs in the background.

Starting point is 00:31:28 One of those things is gonna end up at a restaurant. Look at the way she's waving around those canines. Show, play the video again. It's bonkers. I feel, I love this girl. I feel bad. There's no way this is chill. Started playing with knives today. Why Britt?

Starting point is 00:31:50 Don't worry. They're not real knives. Halloween is soon. Yes, they are Those are knives. What what would be like hooking up with her you think? I like to be spending those are not real knives. Those are definitely real nice. They are real. There's for sure real Those knives are definitely not fake, says the internet. What would it be like to hook up with her, is that what you're saying? Well, just the ad-h- Did they do it? No, just the after hookup talk.

Starting point is 00:32:15 You know you have that talk. The chat. You have the chat. You're naked. You know, you get the towel. I'm a towel guy. So you stay naked the whole time? I do. After you hook up, do you you stay naked the whole time? I do.

Starting point is 00:32:25 After you hook up, do you put on any kind of clothing? It's most times, yeah. You put on something. Yeah. Nummy. Nummy. I put on a costume. Oh, really? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:32:35 I used to do that. I used to do that. I used to do Robin. Yeah, man. Yeah, I'll just put on a costume. I'll put on Iron Man mask. Just a... But naked Iron Man mask.

Starting point is 00:32:44 Honestly, I feel like you and Britney Spears would be perfect. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll put on an iron man mask just a button naked iron man man Honestly feel like you and Britney Spears would be perfect. Yeah, yeah, now that I think about what she talked about Do you think I imagine her legs over you you know, you're sweating. She feel like that was great. She might sing to you New song though not even a bad oh I said a new song though. Not even a bear. Bobbi. Oh, Bobbi, Bobbi. How was I supposed to know? Oh, yeah. And then you probably do a dance too, right? Hit me, Bobbi, one mark, tie, tie, tie. You're like, I gotta go.

Starting point is 00:33:19 I have to leave my cars here. Wait, you ever see my knife dance? Come see my knife dance. Ooh, you're gonna love it. In my living living room I wave knives and I tick tock. Oh, by the way I called it on the show long time ago if these leads to something crazy like they put her back they 5150 her I Should have made a bet on the on our fans because people were like 50 150. That means it's the for for a mental health What's it called? What's the...

Starting point is 00:33:45 It pops, come and take it and take it to the mental health. 51.50 is when you are mentally unstable. That's when you... What is it called? Allows a person with a mental challenge to be involuntarily detained for 72 hours psychiatric hospitalization. So you can 51.50 someone to be like, I'm worried they're going to hurt themselves

Starting point is 00:34:00 or hurt someone around them. Yeah, like we could 50, 150 you. Please don't. You could 50, 150 me. Yeah, I would never do that though. I know. Of all the people in here that we would 50, 150. Let me guess. One, two, three, Carlos.

Starting point is 00:34:14 I mean, what the fuck? You think I'm like losing my mind? No, I just think you're a threat to society. Yeah, yeah. Like I feel like you could cause physical harm to society. I do. When I leave the house, I definitely like, I know I want you inside more than I know. But you know what though? Kind of be honest with you. He's the only one I really trust here. 100%. I agree. He knows that. And you know, you know, you know, you know,

Starting point is 00:34:34 that I, you would fucking, if I called you and I go, you gotta help me bar your this body. Oh, so fun. See that's what I'm saying. I see you would do that. You need a 51-151 in your life. You need one 51-151. You need a one 51-151 in your life. Get one 51-151 around. Yeah. Like, honestly, this is a, like, let's say I relapsed.

Starting point is 00:34:56 Already excited. Well, see, I'm nervous. I see this makes me mad. Yeah, because the party didn't get stuck here. Yeah, party dude's not gonna help you. He's gonna be, if I relapse and I called you and like, dude, check it out. I want some old school, a sheet of acid. Do you know where to go?

Starting point is 00:35:13 My closet. Oh, no. Yeah. And would you bring it over? Be honest. Honestly, I would call Andrew. It's about love, dude. Thank you. No, it's not dude. No, that's huge. That is I would call Andrew. It's about love, dude. Thank you. No, it's not dude. No, that's huge. That is such a big lead.

Starting point is 00:35:29 He's 50 though, dude. He's changed. Dude, he's 51, 49 now. All right. All right. You know what? I'm so glad you said that because I was about to fucking get really. And they, okay, so then you call him, then you know what happens. I'm coming to get your ass and do what you're gonna do If I decide I'm gonna real apps. I'm gonna real apps. No, you're not Not around me. Not around fucking me or not. I'm also in Mexico. Then Andrew runs to have dinner Okay, I don't know what the fuck you just said dude. Let me tell what did you just yeah, what'd you say slow down? I said unless you're in Mexico then

Starting point is 00:36:01 Andrew runs to have dinner with some friends and Bobby gets dropped in my lap. Yeah, put him in your lap. Well, no, you showed up fucked up in Mexico. You were already fucked up. When did you, you were babysitting me in Mexico? Yeah, you got fucked up at dinner. You don't remember this? Oh, yeah, I remember you trying to order me like a sprite.

Starting point is 00:36:21 He tried to start a fight with me because I ordered him a, a mocktail. Yeah, he's so stupid that day. I'm stupid? Yeah, because I'm like, I'm gonna get what you're getting and you come back with a mocktail, you have alcohol. No, I don't, I didn't have alcohol in mind.

Starting point is 00:36:33 Nobody had alcohol, you fuckhead. But you were pissed off because there was no booze in it. You were mad, you were throwing a big fit. And then you went back. I'm an alcoholic. I know, dude, we were trying to stop you and then you went and got fucking booze anyway.

Starting point is 00:36:44 And you pooped all over the room. There's a world that's away. I know, it's unfortunate. So if I'm gonna alcoholic. I know, dude, we were trying to stop you, and then you went and got fucking booze anyway. And you pooped all over the room. There's a world that's away. There I know, it's unfortunate. So if I'm gonna call him, he doesn't pull through, I will call somebody. Yeah, but at least when he calls me, I'll be over at your house to fucking get in your way to make it more annoying for you to use.

Starting point is 00:36:56 But would you, I mean, I'd get in your, I'd roadblock you for you. I know, I know, but that would be a nightmare if I realized, huh? I would not be happy about it, no. Let's not do. What are you gonna do about it? I would cry. We cry?

Starting point is 00:37:09 Yeah, because I've never met you in that state. And but I've heard all these stories and I'm really lucky. Like when we, I, you came into my life and you're like on this good track up. And it would be kind of devastating to see that. Thoughts. See? And then I'd 51, 50 years. That's thoughts.

Starting point is 00:37:29 That's thoughts. That's pure thoughts. That's pumpkin spice, right there. Pumpkin flesh in the flesh, dude. You know what, dude? I'm gravitating toward it. I'm gonna get that next time I have Starbucks. Let's get it.

Starting point is 00:37:39 Oh my God, I'm gonna eat. Let's all get it. In fact, you know what, pumpkin spice right now. I'm being real. Get it delivered here. McConey. McCone. Go get what, pumpkin spice right now. I'm being real. Get delivered here. McConey. McCone.

Starting point is 00:37:46 Go get me some pumpkin spice. I'm a changed man, dude. I want to cold. Do you girls want pumpkin spices? Yeah, get, get them spice for everybody, dude. You know what I mean? Carlos, give them the card.

Starting point is 00:37:55 Carlos. But I want also an ice version. I have money here. Come here. No, just come here. Hold, give them cash. Come here. Give me, get cash.

Starting point is 00:38:03 Get cash here. McCone, will you give me a cold? Is this enough? Is this enough? With pumpkin cold foes. No, give him 200 just in case. Really? Thank you. I think Bobby will want that too.

Starting point is 00:38:10 He wants a ice cream. I don't think he costs $200. It does, it does, they do now. They're expensive, pumpkin spice. Yeah. Okay. It's a really limited spice. Yeah, limited.

Starting point is 00:38:19 It is. He's gonna text Macon. Oh, okay. Thank, Kony, you know Starbucks is right down the street. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I want mine iced, whatever you get me and get add two shots to it. I'm express how he'll text you Okay, good and you get these girls they want stuff to ask them what they want my cone Yeah, tell Carlos all right. Are you getting hotter cold?

Starting point is 00:38:39 Okay, uh, let's keep let's get back to where we are I know. But now you're changing way, thanks for the thoughts, and I'm leading toward pumpkin now. I like this a lot. It's pretty good changing, we did, it's great. See? I love it.

Starting point is 00:38:52 Power of thought. You know, Ottomans and Knooks, I don't know yet, but you'll get to, trust me. At the end of the episode. Ottomans, you think so? Ottomans, you'll be there. Yeah. Knook is a tougher one to get you on.

Starting point is 00:39:02 Yeah. But Ottomans, you're no longer. Never gonna happen. Never gonna happen. Never gonna happen. You know, one of the flight attendants on the flight back was knitting something. Yeah. And it reminded me of how I used to get knit stuff

Starting point is 00:39:16 from family members. So lucky. And how much it means to me when you get the, that's why the whites do that stuff. Because you get a knit thing from somebody and you go I don't even it doesn't even matter if I don't love it. It's so wonderful somebody made it and Then guess what it goes under the bed in a rubber Topper where I know yeah, you don't ever see it again. I never see it again

Starting point is 00:39:37 Well, it's like a lot of gifts. Yeah, there's a lot of things I get you don't see it again But at the moment it matters. It's nice that they made a thing Like, one guy gave me a scabler with my face on it. Yeah, that was so dope. No, that was the one we made. Oh, oh. But he actually took a board and just drew our on it. And I go, that's cool. And you're right.

Starting point is 00:39:55 That's good thoughts. Well, how about this? The toys that I got you, those custom toys. Where did you put those in your house? I'm like, right within my living room, you'll see, right, right, right, right, right, whatever. That makes me feel really good. But was a that was the real good thoughts. Thoughts. Goods. Sometimes the thoughts aren't good. Well, give me an example when thoughts aren't

Starting point is 00:40:10 good. What's the worst present I've ever gotten? Well, you know, you mentioned any kind of card. Yeah. Yeah. Of anything. Of at all. Because I don't even know what it is. Hmm. They'll go here. His cl- clim- clim- clim- dales. Clim his climp, climp in dales. Climp in dales. The restaurant climp in dales. No, I'm just see, I'm just making it. Climp in dales. Climp in dales. Yeah, climp in dales. Yeah, I've been there. Right. And you're like, what is this? Oh, it's, you can get yarn.

Starting point is 00:40:34 Oh, right. Right. And you're like, oh, thank you. Wow. And it goes in a drawer. I get it. And then 10 years later, like, well, climp in dales car. You know what I mean? What are we going to do with that? Yeah. Um, so I don't like that. I don't like shit like socks or tie any of that thing. Well, what? Who's giving you socks?

Starting point is 00:40:52 My brother used to give me spa socks every fucking year. That's because he's, you know, I know. Yeah, they love socks. Yeah, if you do it. But they put them on their hands and their feet. Right, right. What? They put them on their hands and their feet.

Starting point is 00:41:02 Yeah, yeah. Oh, the reason I got that image in my head is because a guy that's helping out around our house right now, he had, I think he was trying to like, he didn't have, maybe one glove was missing, he had a sock on his hand. And I was like, who did we hire? He had a full blown sock. Well, he one hand had a glove,

Starting point is 00:41:19 the other one had a sock. I think maybe it was for, it was, I don't know. So I went, did he put holes in the fingers? Oh, it was just a sock. It was like a mitt. It was gloves, it was for, I don't know. So I went, Did he put holes in the fingers? Oh, it was just a soft. It was like a mitt. It was gloves, it was a glove in him. It had the color stripes at the bottom. It was, yeah.

Starting point is 00:41:31 It's like, let's go gym side. Yeah, yeah. Wow. Yeah, because we're getting our yard dug up in the pipes. Or, can you help me with something though? Mm-hmm. I need somebody. I don't know where to go.

Starting point is 00:41:40 I got Google did it. I just need somebody to put wallpaper up in my house. Oh, I got the guy. I have the guy. And then also wood paneling and stuff like that. Yeah, I have the guy. Who? I'll give it to you. I'll give you. But is a good guy. He unbelievable. I don't want to give too much of a storyway because it's not my business. But he was at one point someone of a name that people know. It's gonna blow your mind off the air. And he can help me. Yeah, he literally fixed it. He builds houses. He used to be somebody you know. Like an architect, like Jim. No, no, no, he was an actor.

Starting point is 00:42:09 Frank, Frank, he was an actor. He was an actor that was an actor. Oh, so it's an actor that I would, if he came over and he'd go, Oh, shit, you're good at Smithons. You would, when he was young, he was an actor. Smithons part two dude, you were so good at that. That's a Smithons.

Starting point is 00:42:22 Small wonder? Yeah. Yeah, small, yeah. So somebody I know, you will, you might so good at that. Small wonder? Yeah. Yeah, so it's somebody I know. You might recognize the name, yeah. Really? Can you do this and just tell me? Now I'll tell you, I'll hear. Okay.

Starting point is 00:42:32 I got the guy. You do? I 100% and he's great. Okay. And he's meticulous and he's slow and sweet and he listens to jazz while he does it. He puts a little jazz music on. What's wrong with that? I actually really enjoyed it.

Starting point is 00:42:44 I don't have to be there though, right? Of course Yeah Oh man, we love door dash Door dash Bobby's is door dash literally every time we do let me see something right up. This is my door That don't show them all the things like that. Oh my god. It's my favorite this is load more And I'm not gonna do it

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Starting point is 00:45:14 Never before have we seen insurance with our hearts so big it shows. Desjardin insurance, home and auto, learn more at Desjardin.com slash heart. I don't like jazz. It's like, you know, like, they, they go crazy. I like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom,

Starting point is 00:45:35 boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom,

Starting point is 00:45:43 boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom,, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom,, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom,, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, no, that's too fast. Too fast. It's smoky. It's smoky. I know what you don't like where it's. Yeah, and I'm walking in. I have my suit on. Yeah, yeah. And I lean with my cane. I pull out a cigar, right?

Starting point is 00:45:57 I do a little jiggy. I do a little, right? And then I fall over. And I die. Right. But I like slow. And they die. Right. Yeah. But I like slow jazz. Slow jazz.

Starting point is 00:46:07 Yeah. Well, I like to, you know, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum You would know that's your people. Brasilean. Like a Brazilian. Yeah, that's not your people. It's not at all. Yeah, my bad. I read it. What you would like one of us, the social club. I love that. Yes. Cuba.

Starting point is 00:46:51 Very good. Still not his people, by the way. But it's adjacent. Can we learn to do cop away, though? That's one of my favorite things. You said, is that the spinning martial arts? Yeah, can we learn to do it? I already know what I do.

Starting point is 00:47:01 I do. Get fucked. Teach us. Do it right now. Can you get up and do? I can do a couple now. Couple way that. Couple way that. Couple way that.

Starting point is 00:47:10 Yeah, show me some couple way that. Yeah man. I need a opponent. Yeah Carlos is. Carlos, Carlos, Carlos is your opponent. I'm here. All right. Well you better film it, fans.

Starting point is 00:47:22 Hold on. Why do you need some space? We're not going through. All right, go ahead. No right go ahead no no let's see What's the couple way to music Hey whoa you lost you fucking lost dude whatever that was you lost that was dope Dude you lost that you lost it so fast Don't you know how how dance battles take place? Yeah, dude once you get embarrassed. It's over

Starting point is 00:47:57 Over I'm seeing stars right now. I'm just gonna say you have to pass out. I'm about to pass out I've seen stars right now that was crazy saying you're about to pass out. I'm about to pass out. I've seen stars right now. That was crazy. You should've called me out. When I put my foot off, I don't even know what to say.

Starting point is 00:48:09 The weight on your arm. Arm, dude. It started trembling. I started seeing stars. And I'm like, this is a bad idea. I'm hurt. My stomach hurts a little. He got me.

Starting point is 00:48:18 That's what it is, dude. I know. That's a couple of, yeah. And I'm going to tell you, dude, I never even took a class. Get out of town. You never took one class. No way.

Starting point is 00:48:27 I think that I would say, I think that some people are born knowing the secrets of the martial arts. You think you've got it in you. I think I'm instinctually, I instinctually know all forms of martial arts simultaneously going within my body. Oh, it's shit. And my spirit too. Wow. Oh my God. Careful with those. Oh, it's shit. And my spirit too. Wow.

Starting point is 00:48:45 Oh my god. Oh, careful with those. Oh, oh. Do you understand? Oh, that's what I'm saying. How did you hit me from over there? I don't even need to take class, then. No, you don't.

Starting point is 00:48:54 I know what a bow. I love bow. That stuff's so good. You would, what? Ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. Pork, yeah? The will they're poor veggie.

Starting point is 00:49:03 Red bean. Red bean, red bean. No, no, that's sticky buns. I like those. Oh, yeah, yeah, that's red bean red paste. No, not bow the fucking pastry. What else? Wow. Yeah, I will. Yeah, I'll eat it. I'll have no, what? No, like before you don't even know what I'm saying. What are you talking about? Bow. The dumpling. No, no, no, bow. The actual gesture. Yeah, like thank you for the bow. What is the gesture? Go come here Carlos. Oh, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, again. Boom with top, but do it, Bob with do it. That's it.

Starting point is 00:49:47 That's it. That's it. Oh. Oh. Oh. Okay. Sorry. So much violence on this show.

Starting point is 00:49:57 Sorry. I did hot yoga for the first time. Oh. It was really fun. How hot was it? It's like 98 degrees or hotter. No, it's got to be hotter than that. Yeah, 100 and 30.

Starting point is 00:50:07 Is that a boy band? 30. 98 degrees or hotter? Yeah. No, is there a boy band like 98 degrees? Yeah, 98 degrees. Nick Lache. Okay.

Starting point is 00:50:15 One of my boys, too. One of my top dogs. How hot is hot yoga? It was so hot, I could have believed it. I was thinking about your Bobby though, if you were there, and I just was the cute fart a lot in the club. Between 90 and 108, if you were there and I just was thinking far to long. Between 90 and 108, if you fucking, you go to one of those things,

Starting point is 00:50:28 I'm calling an ambulance on the way there. No, I'm good and do you. You've done hot yoga? No, do you guys don't even understand my body, dude? I don't know if you understand your body. I too, because don't even comprehend what the temperature is my body can take. I'm gonna, you know what? You're gonna come over to the house and get in the ice bath

Starting point is 00:50:47 and let's see what you do. Oh, let me tell you something. I swear. Yeah, we got a nice time. I'm gonna tell you something right now, okay. At the Korean spot that I keep inviting you to. Yeah. Their ice plunge is illegal.

Starting point is 00:50:59 Yeah, because it has been cleaned and fucking 40 years. All right, it's dirty. You right, it's gross. It's dirty, but then Let me tell you something about the crane spa. Do you do fucking racist? Yes. I am. I've said that on the show for years I'm not going in a fucking spa with thousands of yous that go there Don't do it. I need to fuck you do you guys in there. Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don told me personally. Go ahead and say it. I don't know where I got it. Yeah, fuck off.

Starting point is 00:51:46 Where else? I literally don't know. Could it be the place where people are sweating all over each other? Okay, kind of about this, dude. Give it. Athletes foot. Athletes get it, right?

Starting point is 00:51:56 No, no, no, no, no, no. That's the way they get it by running. No, they don't. No, they get it for sharing showers. They get their fucking shoes. From sharing showers, that get it from sharing showers. They get it from sharing showers. That's what that's from from from dirty feet, the bacterial infections in public places. Anyway, you guys don't know about my body and my temperature.

Starting point is 00:52:12 Oh, how much? Well, then let's go to high yoga together. I'm down. I'll do it. My body can take on clients. It was so fun. But, a Pompeo, I would have survived it. Did you tell the story about the Pompeo?

Starting point is 00:52:21 Pompeo? Or Ellen Pompeo? Are you talking about Ellen Pompeo, the actress? No, I'm talking about the Pompeo or Ellen Pompeo. Are you talking about Ellen Pompeo, the actress? No, I'm talking about the politician. Okay, okay. Is there a politician named Pompeo? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:52:33 I'm talking about him, dude. What about it? Go ahead, babe. Did you tell the story about the shuttle bus at the airport? No, don't tell that. Okay. No, tell it. We might have, I don't know how interesting it was, but it was the hardest I've laughed in so long. All right, okay, so, but we get off of there.

Starting point is 00:52:47 Where was it? What city was it? Oh God, I don't even know. Cleveland, you guys were out without me. All right, so we're at an airport, and we take a shuttle, you and I. Yeah, we're the last two. The last two, and it's a packed shuttle.

Starting point is 00:52:57 Packed. And you know, it's one of those shuttle, it's all, you girls love it. It's very all-American. The shuttle they love. No, but the people that are in it, it's like kids wearing baseball. It gets just got back from a tournament,

Starting point is 00:53:11 families, old women, grandmothers. Yeah, hey. What if just like an apple pie with them or something? Yeah. In a baseball. The baseball was inside the apple pie. Yeah, do it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and it's like and quiet and people and we have to stand because and I'm wearing I'm listening to music when I go I go

Starting point is 00:53:32 Oh It's a common you know how your mind does that? Right and I don't know how so I have my music playing so I bend over a little bit. No, you walked to me Okay, I never taught me playing, so I bend over a little bit. No, you walked to me, bend over to me. Under her, and I ripped one so loud. Oh, loud. Right, that the whole bus heard it. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:53:54 Right? The All-American bus. Yeah. And people are like, you like, right? But one father, an old white gentleman, along with her tears in his eyes laughing so hard. He was laughing so hard. A lady behind you didn't see her,

Starting point is 00:54:09 she was laughing too. Oh, she was? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was that loud. It was like, and then right after the bus driver goes, ladies and gentlemen, are you ready for the shuttle?

Starting point is 00:54:19 It's like no one can react. Yeah, no one can really react to it. But it was the bus driver didn't hear it? Everyone heard it. The fucking bus crumble. The bus truck. Yeah, yeah, could really react to it. But it was- The bus driver didn't hear it? Everyone heard it. The fucking bus driver didn't hear it. The bus driver didn't hear it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like that, but good.

Starting point is 00:54:29 You would have laughed so hard. And then he- And then he- And then he walked, like, then we're on the bus. It's like two minutes into the ride and he walked his whole way to me and goes, was that loud?

Starting point is 00:54:38 I have my headphones in. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just a little. And she was laughing so hard. I'm really happy. Dude, we had to, what a moment. You know, you and I have moments, huh? On the road. We got some moments. We you know you and I have moments on the road

Starting point is 00:54:45 We got some good good moments. I'm glad I missed that one. It was I was in Chicago with my family not getting farted. That was a good. Yeah, cuz you know you know I would have been like Bob Like a dad. Yeah, yeah, but guess what? Hmm did it smell? It did okay Like a dad. Yeah, yeah. But guess what? Hmm. Did it smell? It did. Okay, fuck my bad. My bad. My bad, my bad.

Starting point is 00:55:09 My bad. My bad. I apologize. I apologize. You thought you were going to cruise right over that. Yeah. Yeah. You shot it right down.

Starting point is 00:55:17 Yeah, it did. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's like floating. Yeah. You know, I'm, you know, I'm you know, I'm gonna start a little

Starting point is 00:55:26 Meals at the airport. We're going we're going back out. I know, but just thinking about the you know tour the little meals you know Remember that little Wine bar restaurant that we sat at a yeah, that was really nice. That was really nice. Are you at the store tonight? I have one show tonight. Yes. Let's get dinner before I'm at the store. Let's get dinner before I'm at the store. Let's get dinner from here to the store. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What time do you go? 10 30. I'm at 10 30. Oh, really? You're not in the same room. Yeah, we're not in the same room. How long have you? What room are you in?

Starting point is 00:55:56 The belly room. Yeah. Oh, the small one. The tiny one. She is small. She's a small. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But that changes the coming soon. I know it. She has this comment. All right, let's hand out the coffee real fast. Let's get some coffee in here, McConey-Boney. Ooh. Thank you.

Starting point is 00:56:19 Ah. Did Jessie get one? Is it pumpkin? Ooh, cheers to pumpkin. Dude, I'm telling you right now, very good. You like it? Oh, man. Dude, I'm in, dude.

Starting point is 00:56:33 I'm white. You're white. I'm in, dude. I'm white now, dude. One of us. One of us. Yeah. Hey, mine's vanilla.

Starting point is 00:56:42 Oh. I wasn't sure if I should say something, but it's kind of funny because we were talking about the pumpkin. You're all wait, why did you get her vanilla? I just followed what Carlos says vanilla old phone. I didn't write vanilla. I said cold brew with cold foam. It's okay. It's okay.

Starting point is 00:56:59 It's just funny because it was here. Maybe no, no, no, honestly, because I'm not going to have it. It's a waste. Please do it. Why could you can't you're not going to, no, honestly, because I'm not gonna have it, it's a waste, please do it. Why could you, you're not gonna be able to sleep tonight? I'm allergic to pumpkin. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh white. I might be white. Well, you do me a favor call us, so you get on like way fair and buy him an ottoman right now and ship it to his house.

Starting point is 00:57:28 I just want to see how you feel about an ottoman once we put it in your house. I've never had one, but I don't know what to do with it. I bet you do have one. And just the only one. Yeah, you have a couch, right? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:57:38 Do you have another piece of the couch where your feet go on? Yeah, that's an ottoman. You have an ottoman. Yeah. Oh, that's what an ottoman is. Oh. You're white, dude.

Starting point is 00:57:45 I thought it was more like an Ottoman Empire kind of thing. I'm about to blow your mind. What? What? I'm about to blow your mind. Go ahead. You have a little, I mean, I've been to your house. You have a formal dining room, right?

Starting point is 00:57:56 There's a place to eat, right? There's also a little part off your kitchen. That's not really a dining area, but it's just kind of like a little place to like, you could snack, right? Yeah. That's a nook, buddy, but it's just kind of like a little place to like, you could snack, right? Yeah. That's a nook, buddy. Dude, you're so white.

Starting point is 00:58:08 You're the fucking whitest friend I have. You're so fucking white. But I never go in there. It's a tween key. Okay. Oh, okay. Okay. Hi.

Starting point is 00:58:20 No. No. No. No. Oh my god, dude. That's a layered joke. That's so good. Oh, fuck. Give him credit dude. What the fuck did you call me dude? You are the Twinkie of this show. Holy shit. That's so good. I explain Twinkie for the viewers that doesn't know and I'm a Reese's peanut butterco. Yeah, yeah. So, so take it. Yeah, you are. I really am. Yeah, so tell me what a Twink peanut buttercock. Yeah, yeah. So take it. Yeah, you are. I really am.

Starting point is 00:58:46 So tell me what a Twinkie is, my friend. Yeah, what do you mean by Twinkie? What do you mean by that, buddy? It's like yellow on the outside, but white on the inside. Interesting. Interesting. Interesting. Because I grew up doing the suburbs.

Starting point is 00:59:00 Mm-hmm. Wow, dude. Twinkie is pretty good. Yeah, Twinkie is... Pretty good. Yeah, Twinkie is a very good thing. And I also kinda say something, then what do you call somebody that's just full on just yellow? What about you? What do you call it? Well, what is full yellow?

Starting point is 00:59:18 I, the reason why I ask, I don't know. I can tell you. Tell me. I call you behind your back sometimes. What do you call me? Lemonhead. Oh, I thought. That's full sometimes. What do you call me? Lemonhead. That's full yellow. That's full yellow all the way through to it. You're right, dude.

Starting point is 00:59:31 Lemonhead. Yeah. Or a lemon. No, lemonhead. Okay, I've done about the lemonhead. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like bring up an image. Lemonhead, the guy in the box.

Starting point is 00:59:40 How is that? Not you. That's my little, you're my little lemonhead. Dude, I'm a fucking lemon head, dude. When people, you know, dude, let me say something to you. I'm not mad at that, dude. I know. It's sweet.

Starting point is 00:59:51 Yeah, yeah. You're my little lemon head when they say, when people come to the studio and they go, what goes on in here? I say, me and my little lemon head, dude, is showing from here. Yeah. This is me and my lemon head.

Starting point is 01:00:00 It's great, dude. I don't like that, do you like that candy, though? No, it's not candy. I think it's a trick. Hmm. I think they fucking put it out just to fuck with you. No one ever likes lemon. There's no chance someone gets a box.

Starting point is 01:00:13 Look at that guy. Remember that guy from the commercials? Whoa. Do him as a guy. Look at him. Yeah, look. Do you not remember these commercials? No, I don't.

Starting point is 01:00:20 Dude, that's a horror show. That's so fucking scary. That's so fucking scary. This was insane. They ran these for a short amount of time. Yeah, yeah. They were nightmare inducing. Dude, that, okay.

Starting point is 01:00:28 This is one of the candies, by the way, that was handed out sometimes. If you see someone at the movie theater, getting a box of lemon heads, leave. I'm not watching the movie with that guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a sicko. Yeah, and what's a juju?

Starting point is 01:00:41 Whoa. Yes, say that, man. It was just yum kappur, but. B. Ah, Jujup man. It was just yum kapur, but. B. Ah ha. Juju, pee. Juju, pee. Yeah, juju, pee.

Starting point is 01:00:50 What is it juju, pee? Yeah, because I had it, there's no flavor. It's just chewy. They're gross. Yeah, I mean, juju, pee. Yeah. It's juju, pee.

Starting point is 01:01:02 It's juju, pee good? No, they're not. No, it doesn't even look. No, it's not, it's a colorful one. Oh, I was just gonna say I did get a two good. It's a two be good. No, they're not. No, it doesn't even look at it. It's no it's that it's a colorful ones Oh, I was just gonna say I did get a really good candy recently and it's these little tiny gummies with mini nerds sprinkled Oh, those are so good. It's nerds wrapped around like a gummy squishy in the inside So the outside is a ball of nerds and inside is a squishy thing so good. I know all the door guys at the mother's First eating them nerds gummy clusters. They're so good Whoa, dude. I gotta get one of those do pop shit. Those are top should they combine two things into one

Starting point is 01:01:29 Yeah, let's do that right now with a different candy. You got it. Go here. We go we take um You know, I know what candy corn I'm already out. Yeah, it's like the worst it's the worst candy ever made and you put it with circuit That's like the worst. It's the worst candy ever made. And you put it with circuit peanuts. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, circuit peanuts.

Starting point is 01:01:49 You're like, what if we wrap jujubees with tic-tax? It's like, oh no. Yeah. All right. By the way, tic-tax, breath mint white, the orange ones candy. Yeah. What was that?

Starting point is 01:02:00 Breath mints were the white ones. They said the other ones were breath mints, but the orange ones were just candy. Yeah. I never used it. It wasn't mint, that was candy. Yeah, that's true. What are the two things you'll wrap? Okay, I got one okay You know the Chinese think speaking of Chinese That invisible

Starting point is 01:02:17 Invisible communism What are you talking about that invisible cloak? No, man, wait what let me get it out all right What are you talking about? That invisible cloak cover society. We are in the communist zone. No, man. Wait, what? Let me get it out. All right. All right. It's that wrap that melts in your mouth. It's an invisible... Oh, the Listerine strip? They're like Listerine.

Starting point is 01:02:40 Or breathment candy. Wait, it's an invisible... You've never seen this before, the candy with the fucking invisible... I thought you were talking about the shitty... It's like a clear dots on it. No, there's a piece of candy, a Chinese candy, and on the outside of it is like, it's like a... I don't explain it.

Starting point is 01:02:57 I think you were scammed. No, it's a clear, fuck you, man. It's a clear, like, wrap and melts in your mouth. How much do you pay for the invisible candy? What is it? Give me another hundred I have something Invisible Chinese rap paper candy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, there we go

Starting point is 01:03:19 visible Chinese rap paper candy paper candy Yeah, what does it taste like what What does it taste like, bud? Oh, is that if 50 sheets of transparent edible glue? That's, no, that's rice paper. That's rice paper. Are you eating rice paper? They use that for baking. I swear to fuck, God, man.

Starting point is 01:03:36 That? No, that's gelatin. It's a candy with, I'm gonna put this out. No, I'll honestly, right? Chinese? Yeah. Candy. Yeah. with, I'm gonna put this out. No, I'll honestly, right? Chinese candy with, it melts in your mouth. There's a piece of,

Starting point is 01:03:54 it's a layer, a layer, it's like a sheet? Like a sheet wrapped around a candy that melts in your mouth before the candy. What's the candy inside? Oh Oh like a gobstopper? No, those are everlasting. Oh, right. No That that white rabbit

Starting point is 01:04:14 White rabbit, dude. I never had that buddy. Yeah, what in the fuck is this? White rabbit cream. Yeah, dude. Is that the codename of the girl that came over to Carlos's house? Cream candy? Yeah, it's a cream and there's a, yeah. See the outside, it's a paper. And you just eat that? You eat it and the paper melts in your mouth first.

Starting point is 01:04:37 See that paper? Yeah. And then you get to the fucking rabbit. You know what happened. He's poor little Chinese. He's a little rabbit. Yeah, these poor little Chinese kids, they just don't know how to,

Starting point is 01:04:46 they just forgot to unwrap it. And then the company was like, yeah, I eat it, fine, fuck it. I don't know. Order a bag of that for us please. Yeah, yeah, you're gonna love it. I wanna have a bag of it in the studio. I mean, it looks just like taffy.

Starting point is 01:04:58 Yeah, it's delicious though. It's like creamy and it's very light. Now, do we like taffy? Do you like taffy? Salt water taffy? I know, you know, when I go to, that's a white. When I we like taffy? Do you like taffy? Saltwater taffy? I never, you know, when I go to, that's a white. When I go to Ferris, I don't eat it.

Starting point is 01:05:09 What do you eat at the fair then? You gotta get taffy. I get anything that's fried like a deep fried Oreos. D-friedorios. D-friedorios are unbelievable. We got so many great snacks of that cracker barrel. Oh, so fudge. You guys love fudge.

Starting point is 01:05:24 No, no, no, no, not all the whites. I'm not a big fudgey guy. Me either. It works out with like big blocks of fudge. Yeah, some whites like that. Yeah, some whites like that. Yeah, yeah. Are you done with the type of whites?

Starting point is 01:05:34 Okay, she's a little bit of a fudge girl. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got a little little fudge. She'll pack a little bit of fudge in, but not much. But can I say what you guys do? What are the whites? Is it true delight?

Starting point is 01:05:44 And thank you so much. Caramel apples. I don't like them. Wrong. They hurt me. You're wrong. That's where you lost your teeth. Okay.

Starting point is 01:05:54 Don't make fun of my dental fun. I think it's all. You know what's gonna make you feel better about that? Bring up Johnny Depp's teeth. It just went viral the other day. I mean, look at this guy. This looks like my fence. It looks like my fence in my front yard.

Starting point is 01:06:05 Zoom in on that. Oh shit. Look at that. No, that's the picture right next to it. That's the one right there. No, the S-quire one, bud. That's one. That's his teeth after the,

Starting point is 01:06:15 that they just got a photo of him. Now look, I'm not being mean, but yes I am. What's going on? Are you eating mud? That's so rude. Maybe he did that for pirates of the characters. That's exactly what he did. You know what this was? That's called method out. He was shooting is it poop? He was shooting an episode

Starting point is 01:06:28 of Is it poop? It doesn't look like methods involved. Yeah. I mean, to see. I mean, he's a millionaire. This was Bud Pirates of the Caribbean. He was eating so much ass. Yeah, he's a multi-multi-millionaire. Bud Pirates of the Caribbean. He was on the high seas. Oh, he's a multi-multi-millionaire. Bud Pirates of the Care. He was on the high seas. Do do do do do do do do. Oh, yeah, I forget this. Okay, can you, can you, can you, can you, can you, give me, give me, give me the, like, okay,

Starting point is 01:06:51 let's go to the Pirates. What? Those are prosthetics. Look, look, look at that. Those are fake. Those are nice though. Those are fake teeth. That's not his real teeth.

Starting point is 01:06:59 Those look better than his real teeth. Yeah, yeah, that's interesting. No, it's not interesting. It's crazy. Yeah, yeah. What do you, is he, but ladies, even though That's interesting. No, it's not interesting. It's crazy. Yeah, yeah. What do you, is he? But ladies, even though he has fucked up teeth, you'd still hook.

Starting point is 01:07:10 Not after the Amber Heard trial, they wouldn't. Yeah. What are you talking about? No, really. Honestly, if Johnny Depp asks you out on a date, Johnny Depp, are you single? Are you single? Are you single? No.

Starting point is 01:07:21 Okay, fuck it. If you are. You are. You're single, right? Well, let's get a poll of all three. If you were single and Johnny Depp asked you on a date, what would you go out? No. What would you go out? No.

Starting point is 01:07:29 That's a no from her real fast. This one's pausing. Not often. Why not? Why not? She just wants to experience, right? She wants to experience. Yeah, that's how it starts.

Starting point is 01:07:39 Yeah. Then a couple months later, you're pooping in his bed to get back at him. From a glass of your face in the living room. I wonder if there's a woman out there This beautiful that has controversy like Johnny Depp that I wouldn't date Ellen Well, there's a couple reasons that that would yeah, that wouldn't oh yeah controversial a controversial public figure

Starting point is 01:07:59 Roseanne Yeah, Roseanne would you date Roseanne? You know, I mean I have a thing for her. She actually loves, I love her. Amanda Knox, would you date Amanda Knox? She just did our show in Seattle, you know that, right? Yeah, would you date her if you were saying? He says nice woman.

Starting point is 01:08:15 We have to name a controversial woman that you would go on in a day with. Who's got some, who's controversial Hollywood female starlets? Now, Amber Hart? Amber Hart, right, the easiest one. No, because of the trail, I just know things about, I just wouldn't get along. Oh, I know Amanda Bions. Oh, yeah. I, but I know Amanda.

Starting point is 01:08:33 So no, I don't want to do it. You guys are so famous for gameplay this game. No, I knew her because of Kim Kardashian. Oh, yeah. Yeah. No, thanks. Yeah, yeah. You wouldn't go out with her?

Starting point is 01:08:44 No, yeah. We dated a couple years Yeah, yeah. You wouldn't go out with her? No, do you have? We dated a couple of years ago. You did? Right after Ray J. Okay. No, yeah. What about Kaelin Jenner? She's got to come out to her. Is she killed somebody?

Starting point is 01:08:55 Yeah. What do you do? You know, I would do it for the optics. Oh, good. It's good publicly. Well, what about what's the one? Maybe like Kaelin Jenner and her purse show up to one of the Imagine how small you'd be next.

Starting point is 01:09:09 I think six four six. I should fucking One of the greatest Olympians of all time. Oh, you're saying that I would look like a purse. Yeah. Yeah, I just mean like she brought like a little bag You look a mobile fetish. She she brought She put it like a string on you and carry around. I couldn't be like her like Maddox don't think so you might be her ottoman Adopted kid no mm-hmm bag bag you're a little purse no then I don't I can't there's no controversial No, I'm going horny love what's controversial about her she killed killed Kirk Cobain. Jesus. Oh my God. Mocha, McKay. What the fuck?

Starting point is 01:09:47 McKay? Look out. Is it John McKay? John McKay. Dude, his new nickname is McKay. 100% McKay. Here we go. All right, Lindsay Lohan.

Starting point is 01:09:55 100%. 100% I wouldn't even think twice. Yeah, I would go out with her. Britney Spears. 100% Bring the knives. Yeah, bring the knives. Madonna.

Starting point is 01:10:03 Madonna. 100%. Madonna, change accents while we're talking. Nicki Minaj. Nicki Minaj is not controversial. She's the shit. Yeah, yeah. What did she do?

Starting point is 01:10:12 Kim Kardashian, he says that Roseanne Barr. What about Halaria Baldwin? Who's from America, but says she's from fancy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, all those girls all the way across it. And half way fuck it. What did she do?

Starting point is 01:10:27 Yeah, what did she do? She's don't like her. I don't give a fuck. She's also. Oh, could I just say about her? Great actress. Yeah. No shit.

Starting point is 01:10:35 Great actress. Who's Kangana Rangat? Who is that? Who's this? Renau. Oh, she's a Bollywood star. Yeah. So it looks like yeah a Bollywood star. No. Bollywood star. Now that would be a land. What? Marrying a Bollywood star. Yeah. Do you know how successful those people are over there?

Starting point is 01:10:54 It would blow your mind. They're rich. The richest, but they're like, I know. Our movie stars are bullshit compared to the people, but can I say something? Yeah. They only want light-skinned Indians to make it. Well, look at our light-skinned you are. Yeah, I'm not Indian. You could be. What? You didn't know that? I mean, who the fuck?

Starting point is 01:11:16 You're right. I am. I am. I am Indian. Yeah, because even in certain these countries, they prefer a lighter- skinned of their people. That's the same thing in your countries. We're just light skinned.

Starting point is 01:11:31 No, but Japanese light skinned. There's no dark skinned. Well, that's why Japanese carry around umbrellas is tough for the sun. They don't want to get any pigmentation in their skin. Yeah, but why is that a thing in the world that like that's racist? It's racist, but it's also like even.

Starting point is 01:11:43 It's class. Yeah, it's a form of class, right? It's class system, because if you worked outside, your skin was darker. This goes back, this is old as time. So if you were a light skin spaniard, right? It meant that you were wealthy enough to not have to work outside.

Starting point is 01:11:58 Right. That's all it was. And then if you're a guy that, you know, fucks hookers on Hollywood Boulevard, you're Carlos. Yeah, you're Mexican. Yeah, but it's not Hollywood Boulevard. Santa Monica. Sorry.

Starting point is 01:12:11 Look, he's mad at you today. Do you see that? I know. I'm not mad at him. You're in a little bit of a nook, a nook yourself right now. You're in a little eating nook. Well, it's because he kicked me earlier. Are you still in pain from this?

Starting point is 01:12:22 You knew it was gonna happen when you challenged him. Brother, you don't challenge Bobby and couple with that you're gonna get fucking worse. Yeah. It's my fucking fault. Well, I gotta tell you, we learned a lot today and I'm happy that you're white. Thank you. It changes my whole perspective on our friendship. I love being at things for things for having me. What can I get if I'm a part of the club now? What do I get? I drink some more pym against pym's latte. Oh, yeah. You'll get like a lake view house. You get anything you want, baby. I can get into lake view house.

Starting point is 01:12:48 You'll be up to me. I'm right now. You'll be near the lake. You won't be up to me. Right. Can I go to the country clubs? You can come to the dinner functions. Work there, you mean? Oh, yeah. Like pour water. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:12:59 Yeah. Okay. Thank you. Thank you for being white. Thank you for being a bad friend. Woo! Woo! Yeah!

Bad Friends - Is It Poo Or Is It Cake?

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