Bad Friends - Itchy Bones & Dream Catchers
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Transcript
Discussion (0)
You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots?
White dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting.
Oh, you two are something.
We're bad friends.
Do you have metrics?
Bebebe, BB, BB, Bebe, Bebe, birthday boy.
I go beep beep be beep longer than you're beep.
Bebebe birthday boy.
But birthday boy, die, die soon.
Wait, no.
10 more year.
Coma, coma, coma.
Dad, dead, dead, dead.
Bam-ba-b-b-b-b-b-b-d-d-d-d-d-d-all-m.
Shoot my face.
Doodd-do-do-shot-gun face.
It was all good.
It was all good.
Would a sing, dude?
I can sing.
Let me do your life song.
Bum-Bum-Bum-Bum-Bum-Bum-Bum-Bum-Bum.
And he will not die alone.
He'll have a fulfilled life with a beautiful wife and a couple of kids.
And they'll go fly a kite down by the old.
and one of his kids will walk out too far and he'll go what a birthday celebration
what a beautiful beautiful and let me say something I appreciate everyone showing up to my party
there was a part so we rented a bowling alley yeah mantros
shout out to mantros bowl man yeah it was an intimate little setting awesome eight lanes
yeah there are some people I was like why are you here well let me guess who
You know, but most people were like, oh.
Pleasant surprises.
There was a couple of people that didn't show up that I thought would show up, and I think maybe it's...
Well, Paul, it did. It's too far, buddy.
It's not far at all.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have my dog, he said.
Bring the dog.
No, we already had love.
Okay.
And then who else?
It was funny because there was all these different camps, too.
Well, it was the Tiger Belly camp and the Bad Friends Camp.
But then there was also other pocket.
of things. There were other pockets of comics. You had a lot of younger comics. Yeah, younger comics,
open micers. How was my speech? It was amazing. You called everyone an open micer. A lot of people
that weren't open micers. He called open micers. They were kind of open micy. I don't, that's a
subjective term. And then I did a speech. What did I say? Who did I mention in my speech?
Of course you. Did I mention you? You mentioned me, Kalila. I was very sad. You mentioned me and
Kalila and the bad. Yeah. You mentioned bad friends though before Tiger Valley. That is true.
Yeah. Why? Why? Well, it's by ranking.
Yeah, yeah. Colila did a phenomenal job.
Phenaminous job. One of the most fanamulous jobs I've ever seen. And I also met the Big Bad Wolf.
Oh, you did. I will blow your house down.
Dude.
Ooh, ooh, ooh. Yeah. Dude, one of the nicest, coolest dudes.
He was over today.
By the way. Yeah. handsome.
But my point is, is that great, let me say the rankings of gifts.
Okay, gift ranking time.
Okay, gift ranking time, dude.
And I'm going to say this the most honest way possible.
Please.
Okay.
Not only was this gift the best gift of the party,
probably one of the best gifts I've ever received in my life.
And that's Gene Hong.
He gave me these, no.
Andrew, Andrew gave me something that was such a surprise.
out of left field, right?
Here's what, I want to be surprised.
You love a good surprise.
Number two, it's got to have value.
Financial value matters to you, yes.
No, sentimental value.
That's fucking bullshit.
Yeah, yeah.
Hello.
We bought you 500-dollar Louis Vuitton glasses.
You go, I want the expensive ones.
Yeah, and you got me those.
We did.
We did.
We went back and got you.
But here's the thing, okay.
What you gave me was shocking.
You didn't expect it.
it was the best
I've ever got it. Can I tell people what it was?
Of course you can. Yeah. He gave
me... I gave him
his own home kit
to make a Chinese water torture and it's got
all the instructions. It's so good. You can do waterboarding
right? It's really cool. Yeah, it comes with
the mat, you know, that Braveheart, you know what I mean
thing where he died at the end, that little, you know, slab.
Dude, how fun. I see an infomercial right now that's like
make your own waterboarding at home.
Yeah. Timmy does it.
Yeah, and then bamboo.
you know me because you know bamboo the little sharp like the tips yeah you can stick in the pink
right in the tip tip tip tip and anyway tell them what i got you for real i haven't know what's going on
but um he got me um well as everyone everyone knows i'm a big fan of arsenal FC it's a huge it's your
favorite soccer team hmm the shoes the shoes are propping up the sign below the shoes are
what shoes that i bought you let me see they're propping up the sign they remain in the box
Which is fine
Those are fine
This is fine
The gift you got me
Way better
Well yeah
Obviously
So he gave me
So Arsenal FC
Their biggest star
Of all time
Was a guy named
Tyrionri
That's right
You got me
A Tyrionri
Signed
Soccer card
But it's a very
A very exclusive
Card
Exclusive card
Hard to get
For some reason
You left
The price tags on them
I did not
Yeah you did
Yeah you did
I did not.
I can take photos of it right now
and I can show you the price tags on it.
Really?
Yeah.
On every single item, there's a price.
I must have forgot to take those off.
So you know it is real.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I must have forgot to take it off.
Yeah.
In bold, you know what I mean?
Or do you have a price machine at home,
like one of those sticker machines?
I don't know because I googled it.
Oh, you did.
I didn't trust it.
It's a right about right.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah.
And then he got me
an Ethan Juanieri
rookie card
Now this kid is from the academy
He's only 19 years old
He could be
The next big thing
You think he might be
One of the greatest Arsenal players
Of all time coming up?
He's great. That good
I mean he's one of the youngest starters
We've ever had
Aside from Max Dowman
He was 16 or something
When he first played with 18
What Max Dalman?
No, how old is this new rookie?
Now he's 19 or 20
Wow
He's 18
This guy?
Juanieri?
Ethan Juanieri?
Yeah, yeah, he's 18 years old.
And he's, you think he's...
Dude, he was on the first team.
He played for the first team
at 16, 17 years old.
That's disgusting.
We have a kid named Max Dowman
who debuted at 15,
two weeks, three weeks ago.
He can't even drive a fucking car.
Yeah.
And he's playing against...
They've never inserted their, you know,
genitals into other genitals.
You never know.
I don't know how they...
Yeah, I don't know how they...
I don't use your personal story as a measure.
Yeah.
Excuse me?
Well, that's how you joined team.
when you were a kid.
Or they've never had caviar.
Is that better?
That's probably closer.
Yeah, yeah.
They've never had caviar.
They've never had like, you know, snow beef.
I love snow beef.
You know snow beef?
I think I've had it with you.
Yeah, yeah.
You know snow beef?
But wait, the thing I got you that I'm really interested in.
And then you got me a couple of different packet of a set of cards.
Yeah.
That probably will never open.
Well, here's the deal.
I'm told, and I have to give some love to the truth of this.
Our good friend helped me.
I went to was going to a store
I ran into a good friend of ours
Do you remember who I ran into?
Did you go with him to there?
No, no, I literally random ran into him
And I was no way, how were the odds?
My hand of God.
And I was like, he was walking out of one store next door
These two cool, I'll show you where they are.
Okay.
Collectible stores.
And I was like, I want to get a collectible for you
and he's walking out with his buddy
and I was like, you have to be kidding me.
Wow.
And it's David Cho.
Yeah.
And I was like, dude, what are you doing here?
He's like, what are you doing here?
I was like, I'm coming to get a gift for Bobby.
And I was like, are you coming to the party?
That's why when I showed you his family.
Was he invited?
Yeah.
He didn't come.
I showed you the text.
He said, my kids, I have to.
You know what?
I'm tired.
You know what I'm tired of?
Oh, God.
What?
He has kids, man.
I'm tired of.
That's the excuse.
With anyone that has a kid, that's the great excuse.
I don't have the information if they're sick, if they're dying.
You know what I mean?
If one of them's in prison.
Well, the kid, his younger kid is in prison.
Yeah, I mean, they have a dying.
hell right there's nothing i know itchy bones they're nothing itchy bones yeah yeah yeah itchy bones
disease you know i don't know right it could just be like this is an excuse i don't want to drive
all the way over there so i'm just going to say kids i think he really did couldn't because he was
upset by it but he helped me pick this no all right he he helped me pick it out and he said that box
set he goes bobby's an addict i'm an addict he's like the thing i love about comic books and new
card things is because it's like an addict, it's an it's an it's an it's an it's an it's an it's an it's an it's an it's an it's an
said he said in that pack you can choose to not open it but in that pack could be a like one of 10
card that's worth 10 grand what's the card it's it's it's it's you'll know when you open it up
because it'll have a it'll it'll have a special look to it of the oven arsenal it'll it'll it'll say
the sticker on it one of 10 or one of number on it he's like you should open it he opens all of them
You don't have to
Yeah
But I think it's worth it
Because that pack
Because the price tag was on it
Was 500
I think that's what it said
Yeah $500 for just a packet of fucking
But that's not the real price
You know that
I put fake prices on those
So how much was the Tierra Henri one?
I think the Tierra Henri card
was like 36 bucks and 40 cents
And the the rookie card
He gave me for free
And that box said I think
Literally was 1999
I think I spent like 65 bucks
Thank you
Appreciate it
I really do appreciate it
No it was gonna throw them in a fucking
No it was more
You want me to throw them in a fucking fire
No stop it
Look at me right now
Yeah
I will throw them in a fire
Sure I don't care
Are they the real prices?
No
No
I'm going to throw them in a fire
Do it
Okay because it's not worth anything
The Henri one is
Don't do that
Why
Please don't do that
Yeah yeah yeah
That one was not cheap
Please don't do that.
Okay.
But is it the right?
Anyway, let's move on.
But the rookie card was free.
I will say, shout out.
The guy was friends with Cho and he was like, he's like, you want to, he's like,
can I give this to you to give to Bobby as like an included gift?
And I was, well, because we'd spent enough money that he was like, can I give you a free gift?
Wow, that's a huge one.
Well, he was super rad.
That's the most excited one, an exciting one.
Well, he's also a big fan.
So he was like, is this cool.
Wow.
If I give you a gift to him, I was like, that's fucking awesome.
He owns the store.
So he was like, I'm going to give you a rookie card.
He goes, Bobby will know who it is when I said, okay, so I put it in the thing.
It's so good.
It's awesome.
It was, you know, the Warnieri card was like a deep cut.
And it was like, in my mind, I'm like, Andrew's doing research.
Yeah, you just said that.
He says, I was being very mindful.
I did some research.
Well, I did research on where to go to get a collectible that I was looking for for you.
So that is true.
But he helped me with the other side.
All right.
Did I try to go to get a Tierra thing for you?
You know what I really tried to buy for you?
A signed jersey from Tierra.
I don't want that.
framed on your wall in your room.
I don't do that.
You don't want that?
No, I'm not like fucking...
Well, then I'm glad I didn't buy it.
Like a Midwestern, like,
oh, this is my man cave, dude.
I'm alpha male, dude.
Look, I got fucking Troy Aiken fucking signed
whatever, whatever, you know what I mean?
I don't like that.
God, you're such a cuck.
And a deer head.
I shot that in the woods
when I was 17 years old.
You don't like those fans?
No.
So you don't like anything?
I love them.
Okay.
I'm just not that kind of guy.
I'm beta.
You're very...
Hey.
You're very sensitive and soft.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Listen, you want to know the posters I have in my room?
Sure.
I have a poster of...
Depeche Mode?
No, Peter Sellers and Shirley Maclean together.
Framed, right?
Okay.
I have a photo of Brian Ferry singing.
Okay.
Okay.
I have a photo of...
I have a really cool Lou Reed one on the street.
I have a photo of Tashira Maffoon in his underwear doing a cheer.
Hmm.
Why?
Is that at a party
Or it's a posed photo
It was at a party
It was just
Like it was a candid photo
Of him partying
Yeah
That's kind of cool
Yeah
What else do I have
A couple of movie posters
But you know I'm not
You know I'm not
You know I have like a deer head
On my wall
I don't think that's the
I have a dream catcher
Oh that's close to a deer head
Yeah yeah
I have a little dream capture
Has it caught any of your dreams
All of them
Really?
Have any of them come true?
I hopefully not
Because they're all nightmares
Wait really?
Oh yeah I have nightmares
Isn't dream catcher
supposed to encompass your catch your dreams and put them back out into the world isn't that what
i think it catches his nightmares well i'm pretty sure yeah catches them before it goes into your head
like it you should know this dude you were on reservation dogs yeah did you not pay attention to
anything that those guys said i never even shook their hands you never shook one no he's kidding
i love them rank your gifts here we go let's get a gift all right so number one Andrew
thank you number two i have to say jean hon what did he get you he got me um those um airponds that
translate language.
No, the AirPod 3s
that just came out.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Did you try it?
No, they're still in the box.
You're never going to use it.
When I go to fucking Mongolia or something I would?
When you're going?
I go to Mongolia every year.
Every year you go?
Is that where you go and you're...
There's a hut out there, dude.
I don't think you're going to use that.
And I love Eagles.
Big Mongolian Eagles.
Yeah, yeah, I love Mongolian Eagles.
And their beef is good.
They're delicious.
Well, the Mongolian eagle meat is good.
That's what Mongolian beef is, isn't it?
Yeah, yeah.
Sky cow.
I have one those hand, you know, those eagle hand mittens.
Everyone needs one of those.
Absolutely.
Right. You know what?
I also have, you know, how the cock's fight, cock fighting the cocks, the little roosters.
I have the little knives and the elbow.
Oh, the elbow knife?
I have a collection of those.
I collect weird things.
But my point is, is this.
Let's rank down the fucking gifts.
Me, Jean Hong.
Right.
And then, what did he give you again?
The air pods.
It's not that good.
I mean, it's nice.
It's okay.
Now, that being said, you know it's going to go down.
Way down.
Yeah.
Well, so three was, I have to say Sarah Highland, my ex-girlfriend.
Yeah.
She got me some weird shit.
She's cool.
Yeah, yeah.
She got me this weird Japanese, it's like a vintage toy from the 70s.
Wow.
Right?
And it's just like this weird Asian doll.
She goes, let me take it out.
She took it out.
And there's a button and it goes, hi-ya!
A little tiny Asian doll?
Yeah, that's a karate doll.
That goes up to number one.
Yeah, that's great.
That's pretty cool.
It's really cool.
Yeah, and then...
But it's a little scary.
It sounds a little scary.
Yeah.
Her gifts...
And then...
Just give me dead last now.
You can't go four, five, six times.
I'll go, okay.
I'll give you dead last.
And it's nothing against him.
It must be.
It must be.
So Sandy Danto.
Oh, wow.
He shows up two hours late.
He was pretty late, but I think he had his thing with his kids.
Oh, really?
Kids again?
Well, he showed up.
Yeah.
That's big.
It's bones.
It's bones.
Oh, my.
kids have shivering eye disease.
That happened. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to call Sandy's kid. I'm going to call Sandy
itchy bones from now on. So he goes, here, did, happy birthday. I know you like these.
What is it? And I could tell it's dream water. You know what dream water is? No clue.
Dream water is what you go to the airport and you can, you know, you go to like any of those stores.
Yeah. And it's a, you know, melatonin-y drink. Right. Like, yeah. Right. And it came in a box,
but the box was so tired and torn
that I knew that he probably bought it
10 years ago on the road.
Never gave it to anybody?
He's like, I know you liked these.
It was like the most tattered
I've ever seen any box.
You know, I mean, it's like brown and, you know what I mean?
I love that.
And I was like, sat in his car.
And I just like, okay, cool, man, thanks.
Yeah, what did he say when he gave it to you?
Sorry, man.
Happy birthday, man.
Yeah, yeah.
Dude, he told me he had 20 tattoos
and he never used to have tattoos.
I said, when did this happen?
He goes, honestly, dude, I just started getting them.
My wife and I wanted to get tattoos.
And then overnight, he goes, I filled my arms.
His arms are filled with tattoos.
I've never seen him.
He had so many tattoos.
He's always wearing, like, long-sleeved shirt.
I know, but I was shocked.
Wow.
I think it's time for me, by the way.
I had a daydream the other day.
To get a tattoo?
I think it's time.
I think a neck when has time.
That's insane.
Yeah, yeah.
I love Sandy.
Very funny guy.
Always long sleeves.
Yeah, yeah.
So he was wears suit coat.
Look at you.
Suits.
He dresses so great, though.
Yeah, the kid's got great style.
He's got a great style.
Fancy, you don't have a tattoo either.
Isn't it time to get a tattoo?
No.
Come on.
Yeah.
What are you going to get?
I don't know.
You have to dictate it.
Well, I mean, you love the bears.
Not that much.
Oh, let me think, let me.
I don't know, a cute, just golf club.
Just one little, yeah, but right here?
Yeah.
Smaller even.
Maybe right there on my head.
And just thin.
Yeah.
Thin line.
That's what I want.
Yeah, yeah.
Like your arsenal.
I don't have an arsenal one.
I'm going to get.
How about this?
I thought you had an arsenal.
I want to get one.
I want to get an arsenal here.
What are you going to get the cannon?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then you get a golf club.
We'll go, no.
Yeah, that's pretty cool.
That kind of looks like a scar, though.
Yeah, it looks like a scar.
Yeah.
Too thick.
It's also poorly done.
Yeah.
What does that say?
Papa?
That's a little creepy.
It's a little creepy.
What if I write Daddy with a golf club?
Yeah.
That's for you.
A golf club on your shoulder?
Daddy.
Danny.
What about your wife?
Something about your wife or something.
like something that reminds me of her on me
Yeah or a little
I'm trying to think of what that
Do you have a little funny thing that you call her
Like pumpkins or?
I do
Yeah what is it?
I have a nickname
What's a nickname?
I'm not saying
What's up with this guy that killed this girl
And they found her in the trunk?
I wouldn't even know
It's so dark
Dude this guy named David
He's a rapper in L.A.
They found his Tesla in a dump yard
I heard
And a year went by
They found the body of this
girl he killed. A year ago, she was sitting in a car for that long. So where was the Tesla in his
driveway? No, it was in a dump yard in a junkyard, right? Well, but they also interviewed
the neighborhood, like the neighbors that he lived in there, like, oh, my dog would always
like sniff at the car and there was a foul stench. So he kept her in the car for a long enough
time. Then he turned it into like a impoundment lot. And it just sat there. And somebody,
what a, what a bad, what a bad criminal. Well, let's not kill. Let's not. Don't do that.
Don't do that. But if you're going to, but if you're going to, think it through.
Think it through.
Yeah, yeah.
Like, you know, you got to know, like the wolf in, um, in, in Pul fiction.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You need one of those guys.
You call that guy.
They take the Tesla and they crush it in that fucking crushing machine.
And it's gone forever.
It's gone forever, no?
This guy didn't do his due diligence.
Yeah, you guys just leave it there.
Also, I listen to some of his music because I'm not familiar with him.
Good?
No, it's bad.
So they should get him.
Yeah, got to get him.
It's terrible.
Yeah.
What would you do, though?
How would you do it?
If I was going to kill you?
No, no, no, but how to hide a body.
Hmm. Hmm. Well, you've obviously thought about it. So do you want to divulge? No, that's what I'm asking now. I've never even thought about it. Hmm. You know, so, you know, what does one do? Is there... Okay, let's say that here's a scenario. Someone attacks someone you love. Which one? Someone hurts your mom. Now, you're a renegade and you go to Arizona to kill this person. You find him, you kill them, you call me. Well, my brother would kill him first. How does he get a ride to Arizona? He has a car. It's never going to make it. I've seen that thing. It's brand new. I bought him, but... Wait. I just, I just,
You bought him a new car?
Yes.
Why'd you do that?
It's my brother.
Can buy me a new car?
You have, my name?
The car you have for me.
All right, Jay Leno.
You could buy me in Andre's a new car.
Yeah, no, you know what?
Because that wasn't on.
All right?
And then to sign this.
You know how annoying that is?
I actually said to him, I go,
you're going to need a new car at some point.
He goes, I'm going to ride it to the wheels file off.
His car has 270,000 miles on it.
But it so runs well, even though the engine light,
check engine.
But it smells in there because those cloth seats
after like 20 years.
There's so much stuff in those seats.
How many times have you hooked up in that car?
I don't hook up in my car.
You've never hooked up in your car when you're in high school?
You never hooked up in your car when you're in high school?
Macone.
You never hooked up in a car in high school?
You've never hooked up in the back seat of a car.
I have, but not my car.
You're a pussy, dude.
You're a pussy, dude.
You're weak.
You go in their car?
Be a gentleman.
Who's car?
There's one girl at, after we saw a waymo.
At the Americom.
So funny to fucking a Waymo.
Someone was the other day.
You're behind a way.
If you're going to get come all over the streets.
Stop, stop, stop, stop.
Stop, stop.
Stop, stop.
Yeah.
So let's go back to...
He gives her criticism.
My mom...
Use your hands a little less.
Yeah, yeah.
You're doing it too wrong.
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My mother gets murdered
Your mother gets murdered
and you call me
And you go, dude
We need to
We need to take care of this guy
I have
Already, already I wouldn't do that
You wouldn't call me
No witnesses
You wouldn't
No connection
I don't want to connect you
To the crime
If somebody hurt your mother
I would
You would never help me
Dude
What are you talking about
Is that really?
You really believe that?
Murder?
As a friend, I wouldn't want you an accessory to murder.
Well, if your mom is dead and you're going to go on a hunt to kill this person, this show's over, so I might as well fucking...
It's not over, because I'm going to get away with it.
You're never going to get away with it.
Yeah, yeah, I'm going to Google it.
They don't.
Check GPT hit.
You're going to end up like David.
No, David, no.
You're going to end up just like David.
Really?
He can dance.
Yeah, yeah.
You have no steps.
He's got steps.
Yeah.
Give me what you're going to do then, the guy that you go to kill.
Okay, give me the scenario because I don't even know what the scenario.
There you are you. Some random guy?
Here's what happened. Your mom was playing Pai Gow and she took the table.
She's good at Pai Gow. She's killer at Pai Gow. And there's a guy.
Well, then, I have some questions. Is it an underground tournament?
No, no, this is public. It's at talking stick, the casino right near your mom's house.
She's at the stock talking stick. She's by herself?
She's in a room at a piegout table. It's late at night. There's two or three people at the table.
Who are the people who are on the table? There's a short, there's a short little tiny black guy
who's who's really good.
Can he be Puerto Rican?
There's a short little tiny Puerto Rican guy
who's really good.
He's in his mid-60s.
Now it's fun.
Now it's fun.
He's divorced.
The second guy.
Okay.
Then there's another man there.
A mysterious man.
White.
Got to be.
A white guy who just moved to Arizona.
He has an underdeveloped hand.
Both of his hands?
No, just one of them.
One of his hands is a claw hand.
Not just claw.
It's just like a nub with just two fingers.
Two fingers.
Like peace.
And they call him peace.
Because every time he weighs,
People think he's doing the piece of life.
Yeah, peace, man.
But he's just saying hi and bye.
Okay, I like it.
I like it.
He's got one leg much longer than the other one, so it's hard for him to...
Whoa.
Yeah, he kind of walks with like a...
A little...
Wow.
Well, he's got good rhythm, to be honest.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's why he's the piece guy.
People can see this guy coming, too.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, you can hear his shoe.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And so this guy has it out for your mom because she's killing the table.
He's got his mortgage on the line.
He loses it.
He's waiting out for your mom by the car.
He's smoking a cigarette.
And he thinks, I'm going to rob her because she killed it tonight.
She made $50,000 cash.
This is making me so angry.
He tries to rob your mom, but he acts.
Oh, my God.
This makes me so angry.
I know.
What are you going to do?
Oh, my God.
Well, I'm setting you up.
What do you do now?
Did she die?
Yeah.
How?
He pushed her.
She fell.
Oh, that's it.
She's 100 years old.
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
And then, so how do I know about it?
It breaks on the news.
In Arizona, an elderly.
Du-du-pud-pud-pud-pud-pud-pud-pud-pud-pud-pud-pud-pud-pud-pud-pud-pud-pud-pud-pah-bby-mum.
Welcome back to the evening hour tonight. A woman was killed out at talking-stick.
That's good.
She was killed in the parking lot
of the talking stick casino
This is the suspect on the run
Photo up
You see where he is
He's somewhere in rural northern Arizona
What's the photo look like?
He's leaning
Well it's peace
We know what he looks like
Yeah yeah yeah yeah
He's seen last in Flagstaff northern Arizona
His name is Doug Peace McGovern
Doug Peace McGovern
If you have any information about him
Please call the Arizona hotline
The first thing I would do is call my brother
Not you
Wow
Because you're not gonna help me murder
I don't think you're I think you're
grossly underestimating what I would do for you
I really think you are
but that's fine
No no no don't change your fucking I'll call you
If you don't want my help when you kill somebody
Don't fucking call me
Go to prison with me because we could do the pot in prison
Really bad friends
Bad friends live
From L.A. County Jail
Yeah yeah
And in the middle of the show
Some guys like you boys ready for you
Ready for lunch I'm like yes sir
I call you
Ding ding ding
Ring ring
Hey Bob
What's going on? Are you okay?
My mother was murdered
My mother was murdered
Your mother was murdered
Yeah
It was just on KT
Whatever the
Oh my God
I'm so sorry
I think his name is
Peace McGarverner or something
Are you telling me
Peace McGovern did this
How do you fuck do you know
Peace McGovern dude
It killed my mother
That's it
I'm coming over
Yeah what did he do to your mother
Oh, yeah, I remember.
I hung up.
I know, but whenever you hang up,
he's talking to the dial to talk.
No, I keep talking because, you know,
you hang up too early.
I do it.
And I want to keep talking.
Yeah.
I spend hours after you hang up.
I hang up so fast on everybody.
I always love to hang up fast.
Listen, what are you doing now?
You're calling your brother.
Be real.
You call your brother.
I call my brother, and my brother already is going to be livid, like out of his mind.
Yeah, of course.
Somebody murdered your mom.
I go pick me up.
He picks me up.
We'll go straight to Arizona.
You're going to drive or fly?
If the cops can't find them, how am I going to find them?
Do you have to take revenge in your own hands?
Have you never seen Taken?
Have you never seen...
Yeah, but I don't know how to do any of that.
I show up to this crime scene in the back of what,
Chopsticks Casino?
What is it?
Chopsticks Casino.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I'm wandering around.
And there's the yellow tape.
Yeah.
You know, my brother and I have flashlights.
You come...
Well, it's the lights are on.
But I mean, you can have flashlights if you want.
We have to have flashlights.
Well, the lights are on.
I have to have a pad.
You should have a pad.
A legal notepad. Yeah, yeah. And I'm dressed like...
You, right now. You're not changing clothes. I have to change. You do? Yeah, too.
You're going to buy a suit? No, I have to change like Sherlock Holmes. Like 17th century English
attire. Beautiful. Hello. Hello. I'm here. You know what I mean? We have notes, flashlights,
and then it's like, what am I? I don't have the technology to get fingerprints, that.
Let's say that you did find him. Okay, good. How do you kill him? A guy that kills your
Okay, good.
How do you find him?
We find out his address.
How do you kill him?
Oh, my God.
What do you do?
Well, first of all, I'm going to have to have a conversation with my brother.
You can use that Chinese water torture kid I got by?
Finally?
Yeah.
I'll come to use.
I would see him to my brother, Steve, all right?
I know you're going to, I don't know why you have the machete, but I go, we want to torture him.
Yeah, you got to slowly torture him.
Yeah, yeah.
Don't just go swinging.
No.
You know what I mean?
No.
So what we'll do is we'll, well, I'll tell you what we'll do.
Hmm.
We'll capture him.
Yeah, you got him.
I'm going to rent a warehouse somewhere in Gilbert, Arizona.
That's a big, I mean, right now the prices are through the roof, but yeah, it's fine.
I would spend every dollar that I have.
How many square foot are we talking to this warehouse?
I don't know about square feet, but probably 500 by 9.
500 feet by 9 feet.
Yeah.
Okay?
Yeah.
It's an odd layout.
Narrow.
But I do like it.
It's very narrow.
It's a long hallway.
500 by 9 is a long hallway.
Yeah, because it's going to be a lot of running.
Back up.
Oh, you're going to make him run back and far.
This is actually very smart.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
500 by 9.
If anybody can please draw this up, this torture chamber that's 500 feet by 9 feet.
Also, actually very intelligent because the 500 looks like there's hope down the road.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But the 9 feet is, you know what I mean?
Yeah.
So he can, he's got a little bit of space.
Well, no, but the 500 fluctuates.
Get shorter as we.
No, it's like one of those, remember like in Star Wars that the trash can machine, the garbage, yeah,
closes in?
Yeah.
Like that.
That's what kind of looks like.
Yeah, it closes in and out.
That would give you nightmares.
Nightmares, dude.
Like a long...
Neon lights.
No windows, though.
And so what we'll have at the very end of that hallway, right, is a surgical table.
Oh, a surgical table.
What?
I don't get it yet, but I'm...
A surgical table.
I didn't get it, so I was like, ooh, yeah, that's good.
Why is that there?
Yeah.
No, I'm no doctor.
Neither.
But I will hire a black market, right, a surgeon.
Okay?
Sure.
And I'm going to say to this guy, I go, I'm going to pay you $1 million.
What?
A million bucks to do what?
You'll see.
Oh, right.
We're going to knock him out, right?
And we're going to give him female genitalia.
Oh.
All right.
For free.
For free.
For free.
Yeah.
But he probably doesn't want it.
Maybe he does.
How funny he wakes up.
He's like, perfect.
It's exactly what I needed
Wow
I've been gambling so I can get the surgery
It's the only reason I gamble
I shouldn't kill your mom
Well I'm glad I killed your mom
Because now I get this
Now I have what I want
Yeah yeah yeah
So you're gonna remove
His genitals
I think you make him genital list
As a whole
He has nothing
Like a Barbie's a Ken doll
Right
Or you can put anything
As a genital replacement
What could you put in
Or it's no that's good
But you know what's worse
You give him no openings
Right
So the pee and the poo
It just gathers inside his body
Stitch him up
Like a hose
Yeah yeah
He just bloats into this poop
It's a good horror movie
Stitch him up
The beginning of death
I know
Yeah yeah yeah yeah
We have the force feed him
Well yeah a tube
And you blend it
To the throat
Right
Right
Tube the wet throat
Can you imagine this doctor's like
You guys got me doing way too much
The doctors
No he'll leave
After the surgery
I'm a black market doctor
but I have other stuff to do.
This is what I would say to him.
Dr. McMillalamo.
Yeah, Malala.
Mama Lalo.
Mama Lalo.
Dr. Malalo.
Dr. Mamalalo.
What is he from?
What?
Dr. Mama Lalo?
Somewhere in the eastern northern region.
I'll tell you that right now.
Somewhere northeast.
From a different place.
Dr. Mama Lalo.
Yeah, yeah.
And I say, just put the tube in.
I know you did the bottom surgery.
Thank you for that.
Thank you so much.
Here's the money, right?
Just put the tube.
Just let me know how to put the food into the tube.
How funny when it breaks, you have to call him?
You're like, Dr. Mama Lalo, the tube is un-disconnected.
You're going to have to come back to them.
Yeah. And so then once he, then we'll just, he leaves, and then my brother and I, for like a week, we'll just be feeding him.
Wow.
And watching him.
Until he pops. Eventually, he's going to pop.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're going to film the pop and put it on IG?
My TikTok, yeah.
Yeah, TikTok, yeah.
But what do you think of that?
I think it's a great torture.
And I would support you.
Unfortunately, I mean.
All right, let's go to you now.
If somebody killed my mom?
Can I give you the scenario?
Go for it.
I know you're already building one up.
Right.
Your stepdad's out of town.
Business trip.
Yeah, well, he's retired, but yeah, I got it.
He goes back.
He gets, he unretires.
Yeah, he unretires.
He gets a job, he can't refuse.
What is the job?
What is he doing?
It's some sort of repair job.
I know he's not good at that.
He loves repairs.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But it's like a plumbing, lighting, electrical.
Big electrical guy.
Yeah, it's a bunch of stuff.
And they're like, we'll give you $500,000.
jump action one day at work we'll fly you out first class wow got to do it but here's the ticker
uh oh it's not even real it's the killer luring your stepdad away it's a ruse it's a ruse
he shows him in louisville airport right no one's there to pick him up right meanwhile your mom's alone
at the house oh no yeah and there's a man that comes in what is he doing he's doing he's dancing
i'll tell you that he dances into the house i'm so sorry to say it's pretty bold yeah
Yeah, he does like a MC Hammer dance.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And he has a tomahawk.
Ooh.
Is he native or is this?
No.
Oh, this really.
It's very disrespectful.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's very disrespectful.
Right.
That's cultural appropriation.
Cultural appropriate murder.
Yeah, yeah.
Cultural inappropriate murder.
Right.
And he unfortunately throws the tomahawk at your mom's leg.
mom's leg just slides the butt off
She's screaming
Then he makes a makeshift tourniquet
Oh no
And then so she doesn't bleed out
Oh he helps her
Just to do more torture
Oh no
Then he has some sort of medieval mallet
My guy just pushed your mom down
Your mom just broke her hip
And died in the parking garage
A talking stick
Oh I'm sorry
Jesus get it over with
All right
Just let me do one last part
No
Anyway
Mallet
Pop up in the head
Anyway, um, so then you get a call from the, uh, police, um, Chicago cops, call.
Hey, we found a murder over there, your mother's house.
What would you do?
Your father's out of town.
We got to go, though.
We got dinner.
What would you do?
Ooh.
I mean, I definitely would take it into my own hands if anybody heard anybody in my family.
You would be, it'd be, if you caught the guy, what would you?
Let's just get to the catch.
So catch, you got to catch first.
You can't kill because kill is too weak.
You got to catch the guy.
Look what I did.
I know.
You know what I mean?
So I'd cut off.
his feet. Oh, that's always a good one. A little nubby guy. Yeah, yeah. And then I'd
slow, every single day goes by, I'd cut off each finger. So each finger slowly gets cut off.
Can I, can I have all the limbs? You, yeah, I'll save him for you. It's arts and crafts.
Yeah, yeah. Bobby's waiting. I'll do something with him. Waiting on a FedEx. He's like,
Andrew's FedEx is still not here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did two day. Why would you ship me
limbs two day? I didn't, I couldn't, same day was expensive. Oh, so I'm packing a nice.
And then, and here's what I do. Cut off his little, oh, pack it a nice. Yeah, you think.
I cut off a finger a day, cut off his feet, so he's got nubbies.
And then eyes, eyes gone.
That's always good.
Eyes absolutely gone.
How do you put them out?
With a spoon?
Ooh, hot spoon, hot stove spoon?
That's good.
Hot stove spoon.
Hot stove spoon.
Scoop it right out.
Do you want the eyes or should I throw them away?
Keep the eyes.
Keep, I'll keep the eyes.
Hot, hot, oh, an ice cream scoop.
Ice cream is better.
It's perfect.
And then you fill it with pistachio ice cream.
Each of his eyes is pistachio ice cream.
I'm just throwing it out there.
Well, in case I get...
Maybe Rocky Road, pistachia.
Right.
Oh, my God.
So good.
Yeah.
And then...
You know, he'd be free.
He'd be like, what the fuck?
You mean?
And then I have a...
It would drip.
It would be so itchy and just the coldness of the ice cream in his sockets.
And he can't it out because his nubs can't...
And then I have to cut out his tongue.
So he really can't say much.
Keep the tongue.
Nope.
Cut it gone.
All right.
Ship that.
Ship that.
I'm shipping the tongue.
Okay.
And then I'm going to get a tattoo artist.
One of the best in the world.
I'm going to get like Dr. Wu or somebody incredible.
Yeah.
You know?
Capon D, maybe.
Sure, Capon D.
Yeah.
And they're going to tattoo all over his chest in an unbelievable amount of racial epithets.
Like, you know, like a swastika, the N-word all over him, just like the most foul stuff all over his body.
I hate blacks.
Right on his chest.
You could go further.
You can.
And then I'm going to drop him off like and die hard.
Right.
Just like that.
So he has no way to speak or walk or talk.
Tell everybody what's going on, and I'm going to drop him off in the middle of the worst neighborhood in the world that I can find and let them eat him alive slowly but surely.
I'll never make it out.
But I'm also not killing him, and here's why.
Why?
Because you want someone to be able to have vengeance, because then that's a good movie.
That's a good second movie.
If he comes back for me, now it's a film.
Well, he has no eyes.
They thought they killed me.
And there's no nubs on his feet.
They thought they killed me.
I shake revenge
Imagine if he came back
Yeah
And he comes back for me
Yeah
That's another
That's a second movie
Yeah
Like old boy
Just like old boy
It's like old boy
Wow
What's a good idea
We got really dark and deep there
I'm so sorry
Me too
I hope no one ever hurts
Anybody that we love
No
No no we'll never do that
But we will kill you if you mess with our mom
Yeah just
I think people can relate
I think that's a no go
Your mom is the one
You can't touch the mom
Dad fine
Dads, yeah, dads
Yeah
No, no one
Sibling is bad too
But just something about your mom
Because it's your mom
It's your mom's your mommy
Oh my mom's your mom's your helplessness
Excuse me my mom's 80
And she's just laying there
You know what I mean?
Alone
Oh my God makes me so ain't
Oh there she is
The sweet sweet lady
Yes what a sweet lady
Okay good put it
Hold on, pull that up again
Is it was there two cameras
Taking pictures of her?
What do you mean?
Well, she's looking one way
and then the other way.
I feel like there was a camera.
Okay.
She didn't know which camera to look at
is what it kind of looks like.
Can I tell you something?
So one camera was dead on.
The other one was to the left.
Can I tell you something?
This is something you don't know
and I can call your mom, right?
So when my mom was...
All right.
Can I be honest?
You started that whole war three years ago.
So my mother, when she was seven or eight years old,
right, she had chronic pneumonia.
Okay.
She got pneumonia all the time.
Yeah, no, but she had this one
sickness where her left eye
the pupil went
all the way so you couldn't even see it
it wouldn't even the pupil went
like out of it was it fucked her
up by her face so bad she went her eye went
into her fucking what yeah
it was like that when she moved to
America but also growing up in Korea that's why
it's the best country in the world they're fixed now almost
yeah yeah so
when she
as a kid was teased and
bullied because of that eye
she was yeah yeah like chronically it was
bad. Well, thanks. I'm glad it's not the crux of the show. And then I know. And then I'll be
finished, right? She comes to America and my dad had a little bit of money. And when she met him,
he got those, that eye fixed. He said, I'm going to fix your eye. Yeah. So that's now the result
of it. You can make fun of her all you want. I do. Yeah. I know. Yeah. Well, you make fun of me
too. You make fun of my mom too. Yeah, but your mom's perfect. That's exactly right. Yeah.
No, your mom, your mom got it all fixed out and I'm glad that it. No, but you still make fun of her
eye. And it's fucking crazy. Well, well, but you know,
I have to. It's insane.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm Bobby Mom all the time.
In fact, I go out in public, probably ten times a day that's been mentioned.
And then you've got to go, ha ha ha ha, right? But your face is not really that happens.
Your eye, look at the eye, and you're like, ha, ha, ha, good.
I get it. I get it every day. I didn't know.
That's not your mom.
By proxy it is. And I love her. I love her. I love her dearly.
Yeah, anyway.
I can't believe you never told me that story about your mom's eye, unless it's fucking.
bullshit. It's not bullshit. That's real. You do bullshit
stuff like that. It's 100%
real that that happened.
I mean, it's very traumatic for her.
Well, it's terrible then. Why didn't you say that when we started
joking about it years ago? Because we're a comedy show and I thought
you meant well, but now you keep digging
and digging at my minds. I dig. He brings up
the photo. Well, he did that. Yeah, yeah. You're like,
look at that eye one way and I'm just telling you.
Well, we love your mother. I'm the one that flew her out
to see you. Yeah. Bring in a student.
Let's see if we got a student that we want to chat with.
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This looks like she could be my little sister.
Yeah.
You could be your daughter.
We have the weasley, Joel.
It's not my daughter.
She's like 20 years old.
Yeah, you're 40.
Fuck, I am.
Yeah.
You could have had her when you were 20.
22 i'm 42 yeah yeah shit dude you could have been how old are you 21 wow that could have been my kid
yeah your daughter could have been my daughter yeah where's your do you do you know your mom and dad
i do know them okay thank god talk closer into the mic and put you want the earphones on or yeah
this is quinipiac isn't it quinipiac would you go to quinipiac for media studies or something film
film yeah you want to be a director no okay actress no writer no producer no rigor no
Keep going
What'd you call her?
A riga, sorry
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah
No, what, you can't?
Rigger, you don't know what Rigger is,
you rigs, you don't know fucking rigger?
Yeah.
A grip.
No.
You want to be, oh, oh, I know, I do know.
What?
Wardrobe.
Make up.
No.
You guys are missing like the other big one.
I feel like you're getting...
Producer, writer, director,
actor.
Huh?
Editor.
Editor.
Oh, my, that was a good one.
It's funny because we don't value them.
Yeah.
Yeah, he's he is you want to edit things
That's awesome
Yeah yeah yeah
They're the best
So you don't mind being locked up
In a small dark room
No I prefer it
I like when they like
Everyone goes on set
And they like deal with all the chaos
And then they send it to me
And then I sit by myself and I do it
You like that you like fixing thing
Yeah
What's your name?
Emma Emma Emma
Emma is here
You're from Connecticut
I'm from Boston
Boston Massachusetts
Boston Connecticut
She goes from Boston but goes to Quinnipiac
In Connecticut
Which we visited your beautiful campus
Yes it's lovely
It's a nice yeah
It's all right
What do you think of ballet?
What do you think of L.A.?
So, Emma, you, have you, have you gone to any nice restaurants?
Have you experienced L.A. at all in a fun way?
Like, yes, but no.
We've explored downtown a lot.
We've gone to all the touristy areas.
And my internship is in Beverly Hills.
So, like, that's the only nice part that I've seen.
Didn't I give one of your students money so they can have dinner?
Yeah, that's what they're going to do that.
I think we're coming.
I think I might do that tonight.
You know me?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They keep coming because as a group, they should.
They know you might give them money.
Yeah, yeah.
Emma, so the dream is to be an editor.
and you know that this guy edits this show,
this little fancy, and he does a very good job.
Have you ever seen this show before?
I've seen parts of it, yeah.
Yeah, parts of it.
That means. That means TikTok.
Yes.
I know what that means.
That means TikTok.
We're big with kids on TikTok.
Yeah.
It's like I don't have the attention to spend and watch like.
Anything, really?
Right.
Well, you're an editor, so you spend time watching other shit.
Exactly.
I'm the same too.
I don't watch whole things, including this show.
I've never seen this show.
But that's not you do watch whole things.
You watch films all the time.
yeah but if i'm not a part of it i'll watch it right she's not a part of this the fuck are you talking
about yeah young people her age don't watch anything anymore now yeah okay they don't like you don't
watch film i like i do but i feel like films are getting longer see oh my they don't want to
watch anything and oh what you're talking about and they're actually probably getting shorter
i bet you like they feel like they're getting shorter i feel like they're getting popular ones lately
have been have you seen dr zivago that's like four hours long they're getting
statistically you're getting longer on average oh wow
Wow, you're right.
And I'm not the only one.
It's not like I have ADHD, but it's not just me.
Well, look at that.
They were around 90 minutes in the 30s, and then it went up to about 130 minutes peaked out in the 60s.
Then it dipped in the 80s and the 90s, which I love, the 90-90-minute, you know, whatever.
And back in the 90s, the comedies that were 100 minutes, perfect, you know.
But we are peaking, yeah.
But then right now we're, no, we're kind of on average.
We're actually going back down, technically.
So boo-hoo.
Sit around.
Do enjoy a movie.
I do enjoy a movie.
What's the last movie you saw?
I feel like the group of us watched something recently.
Oh, we watched Pitch Perfect, which is not.
Brand new movie just came out 15 years ago.
Emma, pitch perfect?
Well, it was on cable.
We have, like, the TVs in our rooms.
This is going to make me sad.
She's going to keep telling me how awful this place is.
It's awful.
It sounds like a prison.
It's nice.
You guys have no money.
Well, I'm an unbeat internship right now.
They're 20 years old
They're in school
Yeah, it's tough
I don't remember
So like you have a bank account
Yeah
Okay do your parents help you
Bank account
I don't know what the fucking deal is
Dude sorry for swearing
She has a bank account
Okay
Do your parents
Do you ever call your parents
I can need money?
No
And they never give you money
They like will offer it
Sometimes
But I don't like to take it
While you're one of them
Are you making your own money now
Yeah
You are
I mean at this exact moment
No because my internship
Unpaid's unpaid
But I've like
Unpaid in internship
Is it was always
The biggest scam of all time
Hollywood. We all did it, but it's insane. They're like, you do the same amount of work, but you
don't get any of the money. You're like, when do I get the money? They're like, if we want to
give it to you, that's crazy. McCone's been on an unpaid internship for a couple years now.
That's pretty wild. Do you enjoy working for them? Yeah. Are you cutting or you're prepping and
stuff? What are you doing? No, I'm doing like a lot of internee like duties, which is like running
the social media and stuff, but they're letting me like work on like giving like feedback on the
trailers and stuff. It's really like good. It's worth it to have the experience. It's just hard
living in L.A. because it's so expensive to not
be making money. Yeah.
Do you see yourself living here? No.
Or New York? She's going to go to New York.
She's the East Coast kid.
I like it here. I wouldn't stay here
long term. I'd live here for like a couple years.
Yeah.
Yeah, exactly.
What? Yes.
People from the East Coast, they're so delusional and crazy.
Can I, let me make my piece here. Yeah.
All right. L.A. is the best city in the
world, I believe.
Yeah, I don't think it's the best city in the world
What do you think it is?
Madrid's the best city in the world
Madrid's pretty great
In the United States
Well, that's not the world
Okay, let's just
Best city in the U.S.
Yeah
New York's up there
New York is way up there
Yeah, yeah yeah
Chicago is way up there
Yeah, New York's beautiful
All right, Chicago's good
Look how gorgeous there
But here's what it's the weather
The weather is the best here
Yeah, yeah
San Francisco should not be on there
Look at all that poop
San Francisco is still great
No, I love it
It's poop island
Great restaurants
But L.A., I just, I can't
You'll never move
I can't
You won't let me
I want to
I know, very bad
You're staying here
It's the hardest thing in the world
Whenever I said this the other day
My wife
Whenever you fly here
When you're coming back
From the East Coast
And you get to Colorado
They're like it's gonna be bumpy
Over the Rockies
It always is
And then they go
All right
Strap in your seatbelts
And we've got
two hours left you're like two fucking hours yeah we just did two hours we got to do it again
yeah we're too far yeah that's my biggest problem with this place it's way too far not from hawaii
five hours it's far from everyone okay all of the country is that way everybody's that way
not my people you don't i'm your people uh hawaii do have you been to hawaii what have you ever been
on a vacation a nice vacation yeah where'd you with your parents yeah where'd you guys go
Puerto Rico. I would say it's the best
at then. It's an island of garbage.
That was really dead on.
You know who that was?
There was a comic Tony Hesbeth. He joked around and called it
an island of garbage during the...
What was that? I didn't even know what that was.
It was a rally. It was a rally.
He called it an island of garbage. It was a joke.
But it was at the...
Island of Square Garden.
Manus to Square Garden.
Hulk Hogan was on it.
It's an island of garbage, brother.
So your dream is to become an editor,
have a family maybe one day?
I do.
Well, you're 21, so life is so bright now.
There's nothing getting, she's so free.
I wish you could, like, you know what I mean,
like borrow people's, younger people's blood.
You stick around Hollywood long enough,
you'll just, you'll get it.
Right, you know, just give you a couple more extra year.
That's why everybody's getting kicked off the air
because they're all blood drinkers.
They're all blood drinkers.
I love that that's like a real thing.
I know.
That people rumored.
that they're like, they're drinking blood of babies.
Yeah, I've run into people that said that...
That's what the Hollywood Reservoir is filled with.
I know there's a cabal and you guys are a part of a cult.
I go, really?
Mild.
And they go, and I always ask, am I in it?
They're like, no, I don't think you're in it, right?
Then I go, then I'll ask like, but what about so-and-so?
No.
But then you get to a port, like, what about Bill Burr?
And they're like, uh...
Because he's that famous?
Yeah, but I'm like, yeah, he would never do that.
That's what you think
Dude
Baby blood is warm
Baby fucking warm baby blood
Dude I sit down for me
This guy's giving me
Fucking warm baby blood
At noon
Do you know who Bill Burr is?
Do you like stand-up comedy?
Yeah I watch it sometimes
We saw your show
That was really good
What show?
At the comedy store
Oh you guys went to a live show
Oh they came down the main room
Oh you guys saw that
Yeah it was awesome
Not good
I don't want to say that
Yeah but
We'll bleep it up
Don't make her feel that way.
All right.
Dax flame was so good.
We love Dax.
That was hilarious.
I didn't see it coming.
Emma,
so we know your dreams.
We know your hopes.
Yeah.
You're 21 and you're living in the,
arguably the most uncomfortable part of Los Angeles.
In terms of walking around at night,
you don't feel safe.
Do you?
No.
Yeah, please don't walk around at night.
Yeah.
We just met,
but I really do.
The things I have seen being here just like,
what, it's been two weeks,
maybe three?
Yeah, it's crazy.
And, like, I'll look out on my balcony.
Like, I saw,
Someone with one leg
throwing scooters at people
Oh, that's Caleb
Yeah, Caleb
I love that guy
He's actually very sweet
Yeah, yeah
There is a guy
Kind of near here
That throws e-bikes into the L.A. River
And then the fire department
Was there yesterday
And I talked to the guy
And I talked to the firefighter
I was like, what are you guys doing?
They had a hose out
And they were training by they were
He was doing hose training exercises
Like unplugging and they were shooting
Into the L.A. River
And I go, what are you guys doing?
He goes training and I go,
What's up with all those bikes?
He goes, dude,
the more we take out the more they keep putting in
so we're not doing it anymore
because these homeless guys they throw
they find them they throw them in the fucking LA river
yeah look that's them
they just do they just huck them over the side
like scooters and stuff
e-bike scooters they'll throw
why because they're homeless and they're upset
and they're yeah right that's right there
by Frogtown wow
dude it's I literally the
firefighter was like we stopped
taking them out because we would have to take them out
it's a pain and then
the next day there'd be four more in there
Wow.
There's a homeless taking a stand against e-bikes.
He had no leg?
Yeah, he only had one leg.
He was in a wheelchair.
I don't know how he was throwing them.
He was throwing them far, too.
He was throwing them like at people.
He didn't reach them.
They got good strength, those one-leggers.
Just like the guy that murdered your mom.
Peace.
That's right.
That guy was a bad boy.
Maybe this could be the same guy.
Maybe.
Also, there's a robot that's been stuck in my neighborhood.
They weren't allowed forever.
You know the ones that self-deliver?
I love those.
They all have names.
Yeah, this one's Kenny.
Oh, Kenny.
And he, and he, and he, he,
he's been stuck at a light pole in my neighborhood and I don't know what to do but I but honestly
the sun is roasting him all day yeah and it's dying now the light oh no like wally it is like wally
it is like wally good I love the eyes that they put in well look it helps but yeah they blink
yeah they do blink yeah yeah and the eyes are slowly dying I can tell it's dying and I and I want to
help it and I always say hi I don't know why yeah you say hello when they let them go in front of me
Yeah, me too.
And I go, hi.
I like how they stop really abruptly when they don't know what's in front of it.
And I always go, I'm sorry.
Like, it doesn't fucking know.
No, it does know.
You think it does?
Well, it's recording everything at all times.
Someone's watching back some of that footage.
I don't like those things.
I put shit in front of them or juke them out.
You're a fucking...
They're taking jobs from real people.
No, they're not, dude.
You don't have to tip them.
Tip these robots out of here.
Someone had to program it, fix it, upkeep.
That's three jobs, right?
And that lost 50 people delivery jobs.
You're an oppressor.
You're an oppressor.
That's how they felt like you.
These robots are oppressing us.
When immigrants started coming to America, they viewed it like that.
That's a thing, dude.
That's code.
That's a coper, dude.
How is that not an immigrant?
Yeah, yeah.
Does he have a citizenship?
One day, that's going to be a sentient being.
His name is Jamie.
He's not an immigrant.
It's Jaime.
Imagine if ICE starts busting these boxes.
Yeah.
Today on KTLA, today, Ice takes down Jamie.
Jaime.
Please, no, just delivering food.
Please, please, please, please.
Nice try.
Jamie but you know I'm the fucking
ground shooting that thing up yeah
bad are there Waymo's in Boston
no I've never seen one until I came to LA
no when you saw one
people don't know a Waymo is a driver
self driver driver driverless car it's Uber
without a driver it's a car just drives you
they suck did it shock you when you saw it or no
it did I saw them at first and I just thought they were like weird looking
cars and then I looked in and there's no one in there
you know the bad news about this right
Because we're Valley boys.
We live here in the Valley.
Yeah.
They're coming to the fucking Valley by next year.
But you know,
they're mapping it out right now, so it's happening.
I wanted it only in the city.
Fine.
What's up with your fucking shit against oppressing fucking robots?
Taking jobs from people.
I was a driver.
I was a FedEx driver.
I support drivers and the working man.
Yeah, you're the working man.
You quit after like a month and a half.
How long did you do it?
Well, I worked until I got my unpaid internship,
and I had to take all my FedEx savings and drive out here with the same car.
Let's go back.
Emma, I'm not a joke. Emma, do you like a guy like a Coney is close in your age? Is this kind of guy
someone, if you saw him, would you trust him at a party? Would you go, I like this guy. He seems
trustworthy if you saw him. I mean, do you want honesty? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So the mustache is
always a little, the mustache is always, it's always a little iffy. Yeah, right. But so far you seem
fine. But he, but the mustache at, at glance go, you, what do you think? You think, perv, abuser?
Not, not specifically him. It's just the idea of that specific. Right, but he is wearing.
known for that.
Right.
Is he cute?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay, wow.
Yeah, she has to.
Yeah, I do.
Why?
Because we're here.
It's, you know what I mean?
She's just want to hurt his feeling.
Okay, okay.
I think you are cute because I've had girls say, McCone's cute.
Thank you, Emma.
I appreciate you, but I don't want to fuck you.
Don't give him anything.
Say thank you.
Thank you, Emma.
You're the best.
Thank you.
Give it Emma a run applause.
Send in another victim.
Let's see somebody else.
Emma, I hope you make it.
I know you will.
You're going to be a great editor.
You're going to make it.
By the way, if we need more editors, right?
Yep.
When she comes out here, if we need one.
Well, you don't want to move to L.A.
Hey, I can edit remote and I'm willing.
We could.
We seriously could use her if we need her for something.
All right, we'll talk to you, Emma.
Okay, Emma, thank you.
We need a guy.
Oh, look at this guy.
Oh, shit.
We're getting two?
Two, yeah, we have two for one.
Okay, two for one.
Two for one.
All right.
All right. We're going to guess their names based on their appearance.
All right.
The guy's name is, he looks Eastern European.
Yeah.
Right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
He does look Eastern European, and his name is...
Toke.
T-O-K-E-T-O-K-E-Toke.
You're toke, dude.
And this young lady looks...
Yeah, yeah.
He looks like just an East Coast girl.
Willow. Willow. Willow or Willow?
O or O.
Willow, with the W-O.
Willow and I get toke.
Because you look very tokey.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And what's your real name?
Ben.
Close.
Ben.
Yeah, yeah.
And your name?
Sam.
I was close.
Sam and... Sam and...
Sam and...
What's your name?
Ben.
No, Toke.
I like toke.
Tokes, yeah.
All right, Toke and Willow are here.
Yeah, yeah.
And you guys are Quinnipiac.
How old are you guys?
I'm 21.
21, same.
And then you guys are in the graduate program.
Yep.
What do you want to do, Toke?
Um, I want to find, like, stable income.
I gotta be cool.
Oh, fuck, these kids.
You know, these kids these days, they want to work.
Yeah, but it's a tough job market.
I know I was being facetious.
Yeah, no, it is very hard.
I'm saying.
I'm just trying to be, I was playing into it, Ben, you know.
No, no.
I'm supposed, I get it, Ben, we do.
All I've been told is it's hard to get a job.
And how has it been?
You know, I've just had internships.
What are you doing in the world of film?
I'm with Seven Eckies right now.
Oh, you work with us?
I do.
What do you do?
You're interning?
Yeah, I'm the intern there.
Wow.
Like Richie.
I saw he was on the podcast other day.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Don't get any ideas, totally.
Yeah, yeah.
You have thin fingers.
I like that.
Thank you.
Okay.
Is that like a good thing?
It could be.
If you're Chopin.
Are yours?
Yeah, yeah.
No.
If we need you to pick a lock or something.
Yeah, yeah.
And how about you, Willow?
What do you aspire to be and do?
I've enjoyed producing.
That's been a lot of fun.
You've got a producer.
Yeah.
You kind of have a producer vibe.
You know why?
She's even keeled.
She's got that very like balance.
But not a good one.
Like Kathleen Kennedy.
Oh, really?
Oh, yeah, yeah, like a whip.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
My way or the highway?
Secretly, she's insane.
Yeah.
Right now it hasn't flourished yet, but you're going to be a bull.
Okay.
I'll take it.
That's you.
Do you have bully inside of you?
Can you be mean?
Look at that face.
I ruin Star Wars.
I think I've like raised my voice at someone once
Like not including like my brothers because of course
But yeah jerk
Yeah no I don't I don't like confrontation
Okay I'm gonna have to get over that
I'm gonna learn all right so you and I are working
You're a producer
Him and I are on a film set
You have to be you have to scold us
He's a lighting guy right
And I'm and you're we're behind schedule
And I'm sound he's lighting
And we're just chilling.
No, we're just in the back alleyway smoking, you're mean.
You need to remember trees?
Yeah.
Right?
You fell in that mud pile.
Man. Um, excuse me, guys.
Yeah, what's up?
What's up?
What's up, lady?
What's up, woman?
We don't have any more cigarettes, man.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, man.
The last one.
You guys are done now.
If that's okay, we're going to go back inside.
We're going to do our job and we're going to have a great day.
What?
What?
Yeah.
Who are you?
Who are you?
I'm the producer.
what what producer I don't know for what
we've reserved this film oh for the movie
we're gonna yeah yes yes top dog
top hire um so I'm gonna need you guys to come
top dog that's you
yep that's me oh that's me it's nice to meet you guys
but we gotta get back in yeah well you know what
hey lady can I just say something
please skip uh yeah thank go ahead
we'll get there when we get there yeah we'll get to
I have your paycheck so if you want that you're gonna have to come with
oh you're extorting us oh you're threatening us
okay I get it
I could do this all day.
You guys want your job.
We can do this all day too, lady.
Pretty good.
I got to go inside, man.
You should be more stern, though.
That was good.
Yeah, I'm going to have to work on it.
This is great practice.
Yeah, yeah.
Because you got to do it like, you got to talk like you're one of us.
So, like, look, I'll be the executive.
You be, you be, you be smoking, you know?
No, it's just you.
I'll show you.
Can Ben be in it?
Yeah, Tocke can be in it.
Toke, you and Toke together.
I'm going to show you what to do.
All right, you're, you guys, you're out back and you're on smoke break.
Hey, Toke.
Yeah, what's up, Bobby.
Fuck this project.
That's what I'm saying.
Right?
It sucks.
Fucking, who would look at the Jake Jell-on-Haw.
Hey, boys.
Hey, guys, guys, guys.
How are you?
What's up, man, we're smoking?
Oh, I know, I know.
I love smoking.
Smoking's rad, huh?
Yeah.
Yeah, it's fucking awesome.
Yeah, man.
Don't you want to smoke everywhere all the time?
Yeah, we do.
We also want our privacy
Me too
Tell me about it
Right to me about it
I told you to stand up for yourself Toke
Toke tell him off
Toke that's his name?
Yeah Toke yeah
Toke you're fired
So Bobby I'm gonna need you back inside
Now or you're fired as well
You flyer it? Yeah I fired
You see how quickly he got fired?
Why don't you?
You see how that's how you do
That's how you do it
Yeah you just you bully him
Yeah
And you got it in you
Okay
All right so bully us now
Really fucking hit us hard
Yeah yeah
I want you to fucking just
Make fun of us.
You have to.
You have to.
You're Kathleen Kennedy.
You're KK.
Let me say something.
This movie is $300 million.
$500 million.
Yeah, $500.
And, right?
We're behind schedule.
No.
Tom Holland's waiting on set.
No.
Yeah.
Also, who else is that?
Huh?
And Tom Holland.
Tom Holland and, uh, and, uh, and what's the kid from fucking, uh, I don't know anybody's
names.
Yeah, yeah.
Timitha.
Zendaya.
Zendaya and Timothy Shalamey.
They've been waiting for days.
We're camera operators.
Right, we're ops.
We're supposed to be on it.
We're supposed to be shooting.
Aren't you guys excited about this though?
So we're smoking now.
Oh, okay, my bad.
You know that produce?
What's that producer's there?
Who, Linda?
Whatever, that lady, that lady with a pair.
Oh, the little blonde girl?
Hey guys.
Oh, here she is.
Can you put those down now?
No.
No.
Cigarette tears.
Tap cigarette.
I'm going to need you to do that or I'm going to need you to leave.
uh excuse me who are you i'm the producer what's your name my name's sam what's your guys's
see tatam all right sam you can't go up you can't yeah she went my name sam very sweet you're not
my friend you got to bully us yeah you go you go do you don't need to know my food name you
let me stand let me just put this in the perspective okay i need like a note pad here's
oh you need to ignore all of these notes this is all this is bullshit you're cleopatra right
And we're just dudes building the pyramid.
God, that's so harsh.
What?
That's how you have to think, though.
I get it.
Right?
We're just one of 20,000 people building a pyramid.
You're the queen of Egypt.
Yeah, you're the queen of Egypt.
No, no, no.
To me, everyone's on the same.
You're not going to be a producer then.
That's not right.
No pyramids will be built.
No pyramids are going to get built.
No pyramids are going to get built.
You have to be built.
be a bowl.
Yeah.
We'll do it again.
Again.
Ready?
One more.
You know who I can't stand?
What that?
That guy, Toke that we used to work with.
Hey, guys.
He sucks.
Hey.
I think, hey, guys, is he wrong?
Hey, guys.
Hey, guys.
What's up?
Excuse me?
Is that better?
No.
No.
Guys, listen up.
Guys, listen up.
I have my job back.
Yeah, actually, okay, if you guys don't put those down, I'm hiring Toke.
Yeah, that's good.
That's good.
Delke was really bad at his job.
You could have toke.
But okay, you're going to fire me?
Yeah.
Okay, we'll just claim racial discrimination.
How are you claiming that?
Oh, Toke.
You see any other redheads on set, Toke?
Yeah.
Emma!
Emma is my editor, actually.
She's in this, she's in studio.
She's on set today.
Oh, she's on set?
She's on set.
My daughter's on set?
Yeah.
M-Dog!
Listen, you're going to be a producer.
You're going to be a great producer.
Thank you.
I actually.
really like it out here and with school
because I'm trying a lot of different things
so it's really great experience
all around. And Toc, I got to tell you
something. Yeah. Be careful
out there. I will.
Why do you say that to him? Because I want to say the same thing.
You can feel something, he's a little
troublemaker. He's a little
big, but he needs to stay careful.
Why do you think of my trouble? Well, you wore a jacket and it's
96.
And that was a little dead giveaway that something's a foot.
And I don't know what it is, but I thought
Toc came in here with a jacket
It couldn't be hotter
Outside literally
It's normally very cool
In like the building
So I want to like
At seven it's cold
And I don't tell you another thing
Tocke
Your face is very peaky blinders
Picky blinders
Pecky blinders
Yeah
Like a hood rat
From England
Yeah
Can you do a British accent
Toke?
I don't think so
Try
That's you dude
Tokes say
I wish I say
That type of
Where's the party
Tonight? Where's the party tonight?
That's pretty good
Yeah yeah yeah
Yeah, yeah.
Very good.
Paul E.
That's the party tonight.
Embody that character right now, Toad.
What are you trying to do again in the business?
I forget.
Yeah, embody that guy.
I like to do, like, marketing, advertising.
Advertising.
Very good.
All right, so sell me this show.
You know, you got Killian Murphy.
It's a pretty big name.
Right there.
That's a great star.
I mean, can I just say something?
I mean, we're a production company.
You don't open with whoever's starring in it.
You need to know what the project is.
What's the project?
Okay, so it's about these British guys.
and it's it's not in the modern day
it's like I don't know what time period it is
that would be helpful excuse me
excuse me can we have a little meeting
he doesn't know the time period
that's interesting he could just make it up in mind
to us they're gangsters I know that
oh we're listening we like gangsters yeah we're listening
yeah we love British gangsters yes
criminal activities they do criminal activities
so time period could it be in the future
no it's like in the past
oh it is yeah no how far into the past
How far?
Let's say the 1920s, 1920s, 1940s, maybe.
1920s or 40s.
Big gap.
Big gap.
Somewhere in that 20 years.
1920 to 1940s, though.
Oh, you do a lot of time jumps, though.
Oh, time jumps, okay.
And now the show takes place in where?
London.
In central London?
In 1920?
1920.
Is that right?
Dude, you got to pitch it.
You lie.
It does take place in central London in 19th.
Very good, very good, toke.
You already lost the rule.
That's over.
Yeah, yeah.
I'll pitch you this show.
Okay.
Ready?
No, pitch me a different show.
Okay.
That you make up.
Oh, then I'm a new show?
Yeah.
All right, to all you guys are the executives?
Yeah.
Thanks for having me today, guys.
Great to be here.
How's everyone?
May I?
Hello.
Hi, how are you?
Good evening.
Oh, good evening.
My name is Skip Lubawski.
Mr. Libawski.
Mr. Libawski, it's wonderful to meet you and send your constituents over there.
And introduce yourselves, please.
Hi, I'm Willow.
Hi, Willow.
Your last name, Willow.
my last name
yeah what is it
I feel like we're familiar maybe we met
Willow what's your last name
Willow Evergreen
Willow Evergreen
Willow Evergreen
Willow Evergreen anyway
Sir what's your name
Sir?
Toka
Toka
Toka Smith
Toka Smith
Toka Smith
He also stutters
He also stutters
Anyway
I will say Toka
I do appreciate the fact
That your parents
being very Anglo
Smithians
giving you a unique name
I like that
He's Bulgarian.
Oh, he's Bulgarian. Let's move on.
So have a movie.
What's the movie, sir?
Do you guys like girls?
Who reps you?
Huh?
Who reps you?
Unrepped.
You're unwrapped.
How'd you get a meeting?
Toka?
How did you get a meeting, Willow?
Willow, did you schedule this guy?
He has no reps.
How did he get a meeting with us?
Well, your assistant read my script that I sent in and loved it.
You did Willow?
Yeah.
Yeah, no.
I thought he had something, and I figured he should.
Miss Evergreen wrote it.
Really?
Yeah.
Unbelievable because, you know, you bumped Aaron Sorkan.
he's still out there in the hallway
I know anyway go ahead
you guys like Girl Scout cookies we love
we were talking about doing a Girl Scout cookie movie
and what's your favorite flavor
the mint one
the mint one okay I like the peanut butter one
you do
Willow shut the fuck up
Willow shut the fuck up
The movie I'm pitching was called
Thick Mints
Not thin mints and it's about a
Girl Scout leader
A very beautiful sexy
thick woman
who trains young Girl Scout women to kill men who have done her wrong.
It's almost like a female empowerment film.
And all the while, they're selling cookies to make money to fuel their revenge on all these men that have done them wrong.
My God.
It's pretty great.
You like it?
They're young children that murder.
No, no, they're Girl Scouts, but they're all grown women by this point.
Now they're just avenging their death through the Girl Scouts.
So they train the children to kill?
I don't know if that's going to market well.
why toto express yourself why
well um you know i don't think that's going to appeal to the general audience
like child neglect
well i like it
yeah so
this is hollywood at its finest
yeah yeah this is hollywood one guy in the room goes you're an intern shut the fuck
we like it yeah we like it
by the way great movie
a thickman very good the girl scouts are trained to take to take revenge on men who have
done them wrong amazing all right well we'll say thank you
to to Toc and thank you to Willow. You guys are fucking amazing. We love you. Give it up for these guys.
You can join the others. Do we want to take one more for fun? Oh, get them over here.
Get them in here. Yeah, get them in here. Guys, you guys are the best. Thank you. And good luck on everything.
Hello.
You're going to be Capote the rest of the time?
What's your name? Oh, wait, let's guess. Hold on. Yeah. Her name is. Slovakia.
Slavanka. Slavanka. And his name is.
Tweet. Tweet.
Slovakia and Tweet.
Yeah.
And your real names are?
JJ.
J.J.
Whoa, JJ.
When we said tweet, I don't like your reaction.
Got a little defensive there.
What does JJ stand for?
Jeffrey Jr.
Jeffrey Jr.
Because your father's Jeff.
That's true.
That's the big J.
You have Vulcan.
What?
A Vulcan.
You have a vulcany vibe.
Kids got great teeth.
I like that.
Great teeth.
Great lips.
Yeah.
Is that weird to say?
Yes.
Okay.
I mean, no, if he has nice lips
He's playing him a compliment
I don't think it's that bad
Slavankia
Slavankia, what's your real name?
It's Gianna
but I go by Gigi
Pretty close
Gigi
To be honestly that's
Yeah
In the world
Slovakia
Giovanna
What's your history
Like what's
What European country
Does your family come from?
Italy
Italy, France
I don't know
exactly
Yeah no one's doing
23 and me anymore
After they sold all your day
Can you put your mic
closer to your mouth
I'm not allowed to do
those DNA
tests. You shouldn't do them. They're dangerous and silly. They have your blood for the rest of time.
They can, like, frame you. They have your DNA. Oh, my God. You're afraid of getting framed.
I leave my DNA in every hotel room I ever stay in. Gigi, are you afraid of getting framed?
No, no. Do you have anything to cover up? No. Okay. Is she being honest? Do you think, JJ?
I think so. Yeah, okay. Well, I don't buy it. Yeah. What do you guys want to do in the biz?
I want to go into editing. Do you want to be an editor as well? Tough competition with Emma, huh?
Yeah. What about you? Um, I think I'm going to go. I think I'm going. I'm going to
when the AD wrote.
AD.
ADs are great.
Smart.
That's very smart.
An organizational person.
Your people person.
Right?
Maybe.
Well, that's AD.
You kind of have to be.
If you ever AD something that I'm in,
if you call,
if you call me in too early,
we're going to have a problemo.
What is up with their fucking,
they don't know about time?
They do.
They don't.
They do.
Then why do I have to wait four hours?
Because they're lighting and they re-light
and then they change where we're shooting.
And you know how this fucking
thing goes it's a nightmare who out of the crew hangs out the most well toke and i are
have been roommates in college so toke and you go back yeah we go back do you like toke i'm a big
fan of him you guys are good friends you guys do night whispers what you night whisper when you sleep and you
you guys do night whisper you go tok it's more like what are you thinking about it's like talk talk
Talk? Yeah
What you're thinking about?
Grilled cheese sandwiches.
Yeah.
I really want one real bad.
Oh, I wish we had a kitchen.
You have a kitchen?
They do.
We do. We have a kitchen.
What?
We have a fucking kitchen.
Do you have cheese or cheese?
There's probably no cheese.
Wait, wait. Do you have a fridge?
Yeah.
They do.
We have a fridge.
Fucking fridge?
When did we get a fucking kitchen?
Do we have a grill?
Do we have a grill?
They do.
No.
Oh, what the fuck.
We have a grill.
No, he said, fourth floor.
Fourth floor, we have a fucking grill.
On the fourth floor, we have a grill.
Right, so do we have cheese and bread?
We can do it.
Let's do it.
Let's do it. Let's make it.
Do you do that ever with Toke?
No.
Oh, okay.
You don't whisper at night.
And who do you live with?
I live with the girls, but I have...
All the girls live together?
Yeah.
But I have my own room because there's three of us.
There's three girls.
You all have your own room, obviously.
Here's what we're going to do.
I'm going to give you guys money.
I'm being real.
He is.
laughing about. Okay. If you want to give money. Yeah, yeah. But you guys are going to
fucking get dinner tonight. Okay. On us. On us. Do you have any cash on you? Yeah, I got cash in the
bag. Okay. I'll give you some cash. We'll give some cash. You guys are going to get a nice
dinner. Okay. On the, we treat. What's that, like, what's, in your mind, what's a nice dinner down?
Is there a nice dinner downtown that you know of? What do you guys usually eat, eating downtown? Because
everything closes down there. But on the way from here, there's places, they go to Bob's
big boy. I don't know. No, I know. Yeah. Yeah. That's true.
We've all been, like, kind of cooking a lot.
You cook a lot.
We're, like, doing, like, frozen meals.
Frozen meals.
Yeah.
Cooking and frozen meals.
Not tonight, baby.
Right?
And if you take the cash and don't get a meal, I'm going to have a problem with it.
I'm not going to have any problem with it.
You can do whatever you want.
No, no, not me.
Your money.
You're spending on a meal tonight on us.
Thank you.
You know, you're shady right now, Slovakia.
What do you think first thing out of her mouth?
She was like, I don't want them to, I don't want them to frame me.
So she's obviously got some weird chick.
You got some weird trust issues, I think.
I just got social anxiety.
Oh, you do?
Oh, I'm sorry.
Well, I'm glad we put you on the show.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I didn't know you, well.
No, this is a good exercise.
This is good.
Yeah.
We have anxiety.
Yeah.
You know what's great?
You do what you wouldn't think.
Oh, I'm anxious now.
I'm full of anxiety.
We have terrible anxiety.
It comes in different forms.
We'll do some improv exercises then to get you through it.
Let's do one.
You want to do one?
You want to try one?
And you want to be an ADN.
Editor with Emma.
That's right.
Yeah, yeah.
Let's do an improv exercise, okay.
You're doing a TED Talk.
Okay.
Okay.
So let me say.
Atina talk.
Yeah.
You have to be very confident.
Even though we're going to give you a topic, you have to pretend you really, you're a professional.
You know what you're talking about.
Yeah.
There's thousands of people in this room.
They paid money and they're here to hear an expert on a topic.
That's right.
Okay.
So you're going to go up and you're going to say you're going to make up a name, you know, where you're from,
and you're going to go into the topic for like a minute.
And the technology.
what's the topic well the thing you invented
was uh you were the one that that decided that the box
uh at streetlights that it goes wait or walk walk walk that's you yeah that's actually
your voice the original one was your voice yeah yeah so you were the girl that invented
wait go walk walk that's you yeah okay yeah do you know what i'm talking about
i have to talk about that for a minute yeah one minute one easy minute yeah so i'm going to
introduce you, okay? Ladies and gentlemen, it lights down, and
how about a round of applause for our presenter for this evening?
You don't clap for yourself. No, you can. If you're really excited about your project.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I am. Slovakia. Slavonia. And
I have invented something that you have all used in your life many times.
What is it? I wonder what it is. What is it? It's actually the crosswalk box that
says wait and
and it tells you
to walk. That's what she invented.
Okay.
No, listen, listen, I'm serious.
Think about this, okay?
If this wasn't a thing,
we'd all be getting hit by cars.
Well, we, not really.
I mean, we can see the cars coming in red.
No, no, no, no.
No.
We need this.
This is a very important thing.
That is in every city, in every state, and I'm everywhere.
Okay, we have some questions.
We have some questions.
Can we ask some questions?
I like how we gave her a great invention and she somehow made it sound like it was not worth it.
Yeah, yeah.
Like for some reason now I'm like, God, that is not.
That's not as much as I thought about it.
It was invented for the blind.
Yeah.
I mean, it was.
You know that?
It was invented for blind?
Yeah, to help them get across the streets.
Yeah.
That's why you hear it go, q-choo, so the noises echo each other.
so they can find out how far it is
and where they're going.
But you hate blind people.
You've said that on the show.
The first thing out of your mouth
is I hate blind people.
No, you did a good job pitching.
Very good.
I actually really liked it.
You want to do one?
Not really.
I think you should.
I think you should.
I think you said she has social anxiety
and she really powered through it.
Yeah.
And I applaud you genuinely.
That was fucking great.
Gigi.
All right, let's go, JJ.
So, JJ and Gigi.
Ted talk or no?
Yeah, he's got to do a TED talk.
And what did he invent?
You two tell him.
I did her.
Okay.
Bubble wrap.
Oh, this is fantastic.
All right, ladies and gentlemen, your presenter for the night, JJ.
Thank you.
You know how, like, you order something and then it gets damaged on the way.
That happens to me, yeah.
Oh, my God.
Like human body?
Oh, my God.
Yeah, body parts always get dinged up.
What if you had a wrap made a bubble to stop that?
What do you mean?
We made a bubble.
We already have that.
Bubbles they float and they pop, like little kids.
We already have that.
Is this the guy that invented it?
What does you do?
What do you mean?
I did bubble wrap.
Oh, you invented bubble wrap?
I did.
Really?
Yep.
They're not turning into a TED Talk.
It's turning into like an answer question.
What are you talking to the fucking speaker for?
There's only two of us in this room.
I mean, my God, you didn't sell any fucking tickets.
Yeah, yeah.
It seemed like a Q&A.
I get it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You invented bubble rep.
And what gave you the instinct to invent something like that?
Well, I ordered like a TV and then it shattered on the way.
So I thought we need a better protection in like the postal system.
Smart.
Very smart.
Smart.
I don't know why you're ordering TVs through the postal system, but outside of that, I think it's fantastic.
Yeah.
JJ, you're going to make a great AD someday.
Very good AD.
And you're going to be a great editor.
Who's better to editing?
You or Emma.
Be honest.
Go fast.
Go.
Honestly.
Don't even think.
I haven't really seen much of her stuff.
We need to have an edit.
Oh, slam.
Let's have an edit off.
Slam to Emma.
Oh, that was a slam?
Oh, I don't really see stuff that she did.
Yeah, that's really, yeah.
I don't like stuff that she does.
That's a little down there.
I mean, she's asked.
I just kind of don't want to see it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, I've seen it from afar.
I don't think she's doing it right.
A lot of other people say she edits, but I don't know that I wouldn't know of.
I wouldn't know.
It's not really my thing.
Yeah.
All right.
All right.
Thank you so much for being on the show.
Thank you, you guys.
Look at that.
They pass,
did they get a grade for that?
Do they pass some sort of test?
Yes.
Let's say this.
We,
thank you for all your birthday condolences.
Yeah,
that was great.
Can I say an honest thing real fast?
A truthful thing?
No.
It's the wrong word.
Yeah.
He didn't die.
He died on his birthday.
I want to say something genuine.
Am I dumb?
Honestly, am I dumb?
No.
No, be real. Am I dumb?
You're an artist.
Why? Because I say, okay.
Do you think I'm dumb?
Yeah.
You really do?
No, of course not.
I wouldn't do something with you
if I didn't think you were intelligent.
Are you being real?
Yeah, if you were a fucking idiot, I would be.
I mean, I could freak, yeah.
Here's the thing.
I think you are what we call an idiot savant.
Meaning you're brilliant in your own very specific way.
Yeah.
And by the way, that's what makes you so special.
I'm not smart, but I'm bright.
No.
Enid Savant refers to an individual with mental disability
who also demonstrates extraordinary abilities
in specific specialized area. That's fact.
The term is now considered outdated and potentially ableist.
Did not know that.
Instead, prefer to the more respectful term
individual is Savant syndrome.
Sorry.
I like idiot.
I go back to idiot.
Yeah, you're an idiot.
I mean, that could also be a special name,
Idiot Savant.
Yeah, yeah.
I just want to say this.
I want to say thank you to everybody
who watch my special white noise on Hulu and Disney Plus
or wherever you get it.
It's all over the globe on Disney Plus.
Hulu and North America, I believe.
I want to say thank you.
It means the world to me.
I know the world is chaos right now.
And I'm glad that we can make comedy that lets people forget about all of the nonsense in the world and just have a laugh.
So thank you for watching White Noise.
It means the world to me.
Thank you.
And also.
Thank you for being a bad friend.
Thank you for being a bad friend.
Woo, yeah.
Woo, ooh, yeah.
Woo, ooh, yeah.
Don't know what I did you go
Don't know
I'm going to
I'm going to
talk to
get a
boy