Bad Friends - Korean Elvis & Andrew Dahmer

Episode Date: October 31, 2022

Thank you to our Sponsors: https://www.doordash.com code: BADFRIENDS22 & Head to https://www.viator.com to check out their latest website! Offering over 300K+ experiences you’ll remember and use code: viator10 YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com 0:00 Welcome to the Bad Friends Spooktacular Halloween  4:05 The Reasons Jeffrey Dahmer Doesn't Like White People 14:17 The Bowling Pin, The Cross and The Heart  19:45 Does Asian Elvis Have Down Syndrome? 28:36 Japanese Hank Williams Joins Asian Elvis for a Duet 33:38 Spitting on Ghosts and Sexy Necks 43:10 Trick or Treat with Bobby's Family 48:17 Kanye West went to see Jelsenik and Juicy 54:13 Uh, Oh, Hot Dog! 1:01:09 Bobby's Interview to enter the KKK More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger:  https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino  Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Rudy Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendrudy More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/   Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod   Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom  Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Andrés Rosende & Pete Forthun This video contains paid promotion. #bobbylee #andrewsantino #badfriends Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

you two are bad friends or something. You're bad friends. Welcome to the Spooktacular. Bad friends. Halloween. Halloween. You've got to put Asian's code. Welcome to Bad Friends Halloween episode. Everyone say who they are. Bobby Goh.

I am Jeffrey Dahmer is one of his victims, the Filipino guy he ate. No, I'm Elvis Presley. How you doing? This guy over here is my good friend Elvis Presley. How you doing? Dad, why don't you eat one of the sandwiches I made for you? That's real. That's really good. What does he say? That's just, it's some fish I cooked earlier. That's why it smells over there.

It's not because of young black men's bodies rotting in the fridge. It stinks because I let some meat go bad. So good. I really messed it up this time, huh, Dad? Oh, Dad, I'm in a real stinker now. It's so good. He would kill someone and they'd go, I made a real stinker this time, Pop.

I'm in a real conundrum. Someone's like, Jeffrey, you severed his head. Jiminy crickets. I never knew it was going to come to this. I'm Jeffrey D, baby. Let's throw it to the girls. What are you supposed to be? I'm Mother Teresa, Asian Filipino version who likes to also kill people and maybe spank babies.

Oh, that one. Everyone's favorite Asian Filipino nun who loves to kill people and spank babies. I remember from the stories. I read about that when I was a kid. Yeah, me too. And we're terrifying. What part of the world are you from again? Persia.

From Persia. So you're an Asian Filipino nun who loves to kill people and spank babies. What part of Persia? Quantanilla. Quantanima Bay. Quantanima Bay. Cuba Persia. I remember the stories.

And what are you supposed to be? I'm a sick dog. Say it again. I'm a sick dog. A sick dog. A sick dog. What does a sick dog sound like? Like this.

I don't know. Dogs can't talk. No, they go... Well, they're... That's what they do? Yeah. When the cone is because you're sick or because you just got spayed or neutered? Yeah, they took my pussy out.

Does that happen? Yes. They rip the pussy right out. I thought it was on the penises. They rip it right out. The vagina out. For what purpose? Why not?

There's still a hole there. This is a deeper hole. It's a bigger hole. It's a deeper hole. So they call it. She got deeper holes. Also bigger dicks. Yeah, exactly.

They do it for the bigger dog dicks. Of course. Like a little, like a little, like a Yorkshire Terrier, if she wants to fuck a pit bull, they probably get that operation. Oh, I didn't think of it like that. You gotta think of it that way. And who loves pit bulls? Black people.

Black people. And what do they have? You eat them. Big dicks. Your character eats them. Sometimes I eat a couple of black guys. Yeah. It's not my fault.

Let me ask you something. Their skin is beautiful. When I saw that show, is that racism? Yeah, it is. He loves black people. No, that's not. We don't interpret it that way, though. I do.

I know. You love something. You eat it. What? But think of it this way, though. I love black guys. I just want to eat their body. Jeff, let me ask you a question.

Go ahead. Jeff, let me ask you a question. I'll answer any question possible. Okay, so. So check it out. Yeah. So basically, it's in the 90s you did this. Sure.

Yeah. Yeah. Did you listen to Nirvana, or did you like the music, or? Yeah, I mean, In Bloom is a great song. Right. So what I'm saying is. Never mind. Okay, in the 90s, listen to me, okay.

In the 90s, in Wisconsin, there was like four Filipinos, dude. You ate one Filipino. That's basically wiping half the Filipino fucking population. It's actually a quarter, if you do the math, right? Yeah, a quarter, right. So how is that not racism? I basically am showing praise for how much I love those jungle Asians. Right, right.

But is, but why didn't you eat whites? They're not my flavor. Oh, they don't taste good. Yeah. Imagine like this. Yeah. What's your least favorite food? Mine?

Yeah. Meatloaf. I like. White people are meatloaf to me. Oh, that's true. And you like. Filet mignon. And black people are basically filet mignon.

Right. What about the Filipino guy? Well, Philippines, just a little something spicy. Yeah, right. A little spicy. You need something. You need to shake it off. Mm-hmm.

You ever had balut? Yeah, I've had balut. Yeah. That's basically Filipino guys. Oh. Yeah. That's great. Honestly, I don't think he was racist.

I think he was a piece of shit. Oh, no, that. But I think he really loved black guys. He thought they were beautiful. Listen. Okay. He killed him because he was bad head. Bad mind.

He's a legend. He's a gamer. He's a pioneer. What? No, he is. In the circular. Steve Jobs or Jeffrey Dahmer? Jeffrey Dahmer.

He's a legend. Pioneer. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And he also is somebody that opened the doors for other serial killers. Yes. Yeah.

My point is that I'm giving him props. Right. Thank you. Right. In terms of the serial killer world, if there was like a Hall of Fame, you walked in. You go, oh, there's. Oh, sure.

In the Hall of Fame. Right. Yeah. In terms of the racism, I could accept the eating and the cannibalism. Okay. The racism. I draw the line there. He would cancel today.

He'd be canceled today, but just because they don't allow cannibalism anymore. No. It used to be cool, man. All right. No, but you know what? How is it racist? It'd be racist if he never ate black people and he'd be like, I don't like the taste of black people.

That'd be racist. Right. Instead, he was like, they're so beautiful. I want to rub their soft chocolate skin. He was obsessed. It could be. You know, I hate them so much. I got to eat them.

No. Because he didn't do it to whites. Did he eat any whites? Bring up the list of people. Yeah. Let's see. He had to have eaten a white or two. I know.

And he found out that he didn't like the taste. But we're talking about Wisconsin. If we were talking about, you know what I mean? South central. Milwaukee. Well, there's more blacks. Obviously. Milwaukee is way more diverse than you think.

No. At the 90s, there can't be a lot of fucking minority. You're wrong. You actually don't know what you're talking about. Milwaukee is very diverse. It is. Milwaukee has a very big black community. Yeah.

Isn't all meat tastes the same? We're going to find out today. No. No, no, no. Lamb doesn't taste like deer. That's a specific question. Deer doesn't taste like fucking? Yeah.

Doesn't all human meat taste the same? Yeah. No. You don't taste the same as me. Yeah, yeah. I'm more pure. But we're the same inside. No, we're not.

That's what they tell you in school. No. Here's the thing. The air you breathe, the food you eat, it all affects the meat. That's right. The stress. You seem very stressful, Jules. Okay.

Look at the list of names. Zoom in. Stephen Hicks. All right. White. Curtis Strotter could go both ways. Richard Guerrero. Non-white.

Mexican. Jeremy Weinberger. That's my agent. That's white. That's white, yeah. Jeremy Doc. Jamie Doxtar. White.

No. Ricky Beeks. Jamie Doxtator. Doxtator. Doxtator is black. Dictator. Doxtator. White guy.

All right. What about Earl Lindsey? What about Conorac, Cynthia Fafon? Okay. Smithsonian. Smithsonian. It's definitely Filipino. Yeah.

Ernest Miller. White. Tony Hughes. Maybe it could be black. Joseph Bradyhoft. White guy. Matt Turner. We don't know.

Yeah, we don't know. It's too bad. Anthony Sears again. Black. No, black. David Thomas. Black. That's white guy.

No. Tom. Dave Thomas is Wendy's his owner. He was white. Yeah, but the C fucks it up. David Crip Thomas. Yeah. Edward White Smith.

W Smith is white. No, when they threw the W in. No, but it's Edward White Smith. You're right. I'll give you that. I'll give you that. I'll give you that. All right.

So the dominant amount of these names seem to be white guys. Yeah, but you're just making assumptions. So the documentary was racist because they only showed the black murders. I get what you're saying. Okay. Okay. Quite frankly, I like men of all shapes, sizes, and colors. I was actually offended.

The documentary only showed me attacking black people. I attacked everybody. Now, if you went to the serial killer hall of fame, where would you be more excited to go? Oh, John Wayne Gacy. That'd be fun. The clown makeup. Do you think they still have it?

Yeah, they probably have it. I wouldn't look up the brand. That's the only clown makeup I'm going to use. Right. I'll use it. Look at the brand. That's the best brand. Look at that.

Clarell. Look at that. Yeah. I think I have this. His artwork. Oh, how much is that painting? Well, how much is a John Wacy? Yeah, yeah.

Honestly, how much? Let's go to auction. Better than George W. Bush's painting in terms of the price? I don't know. I don't know. Yeah. Watch. John Wayne Gacy, expensive.

How much? How much of these paintings were? Yeah. Look at that one. Pretty good. How much is it? A thousand dollars. That's it?

I could buy that right now. I could buy that now. Let's buy John Wayne Gacy paintings for the studio. Yeah, yeah. Too scary. But the money doesn't go to him. He's dead. Yeah.

It goes to his kids. And they need the money. Yeah. Should we feel art for him? Are these prints or are these originals? There's no way these are originals. That seems like a print. Yeah, they're prints.

Do you think? Original. Original, dude. What if we got into the business of selling... Serial art? Serial art? That'd be cool. Bobby and Andrews...

Artifacts, even. Well, yeah. I have one of Ed Gein's lampshades and he used the skin. You know what I mean? I would probably charge a hundred grand for it. At least. Dude, this is Ed Gein's. He's Ed Gein's.

Yeah. The skin. Lamp skin. Yeah. Didn't he do that? Yes. Yeah. Take the skin.

Yeah. And made lampshade. And then when he turned on the light, did he say... I'm going to turn on the light. Or did he say... I'm going to turn on Stephanie. Juicy, are you having a hard time with that candle over your head? It's Halloween.

You can take the candle off. I feel like I'm going to throw up, but I might eat it after. Take the candle off. Take the candle off. What did that painting say? What did that painting say? Ten thousand. Dude, ten thousand, dude.

That's it. Let's buy it. Let's buy it. Does she need help taking this off? Let's get this. Let's get some music put to this. Her taking off. Great.

Now you're free. Put that closer to your face. Lower it down so we can see your dog face. Oh, and you went to go lick yourself. Oh, that's good. Screw it down for her. Hold on. Oh, yeah.

Very good set tonight. Thank you. So we just did a Bad Friends live at the Comedy Store. We're doing a tour next year. We're going to announce the dates at some point. Juicy was on it. Killed it. Killed it.

Yeah. And where were you, Jules? I'll get the mic again. God. I was sleeping. Sleeping. She's sleeping. Yeah.

And you know what I'm going to tell them. I invited her. What? I invited her. You invited her? You bit her? I invited her. I invited her.

I invited her. I invited her. I invited her. I invited her. I invited her. I invited her. I invited her. It's never going to get old with me with this guy's accent.

I invited her. You've been here for 25 years. Invite. Say, invite. Invite. No, not fight. Invite with a V. Invite.

There it is. Invite. I invited her. I invited her. And what did she say when you invited her to the live show? She said, I'll show up to Bad Friends later. Wow. Yeah.

Do you feel like you're above us now? No. Yeah. Do you feel like sleep is more important than your relationship with your T-dos? Yeah. Okay. So backstage. Wow.

Who was backstage tonight? You, me, Ari Shafir. Ari Manis. Who Kanye does not like. Also. So him and me and Ari Manis, you saw. I saw the whole thing. We had it out.

We had it out. And Santino came in after and we filled him in. I heard. Yeah. Well, you jerked off to his girlfriend. Yeah. With his penis. Well, you didn't use his penis, but.

Well. I saw it though. His penis was in the footage. Yeah. But in a way, you jerked off with his penis to his girlfriend. In a weird way. Well, because when you're watching a porn. You imagine that's your penis.

You imagine that's your penis. Yeah. So I was using, you know what I mean? He was my penis. What did you say to him? I just basically said, it's not right. And I kind of, I think I was mean. Like your comedy career didn't.

Yeah. Yeah. He said that. He said that. Yeah. He said you were mean. He already came in really sad. I called him a willow tree.

I said, you're a willow tree. Yeah. And it was, what does that mean? I said, I like them, but God, are they fucking miserable? Yeah. Yeah. You know? I wish I could have came up with that.

But I mean, I, but he's a lovely human and we love him. And look. Yeah. I love him forever. It's just jealousy. I told him it was jealousy. Well, he's, you're jealous that he's a bigger cock than you. And it looks nice.

And. It's a better, it's better all around. And I'm just jealous. That's all. Yeah. I can admit that as a man, right? Yeah. That's okay.

Yeah. Yeah. You think this is better? Yeah. Okay. I get it. No. A guy's got a nice pipe.

Yeah. Yeah. Guy's got a nice pipe. It's nice. You're just pretty good though. I got a nice pipe too. Yeah. Pretty good pipe.

That has got a nice pipe too. Yeah. But this is not about pipe. You see my pipe? Oh yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. Excellent.

By the way, for everyone that's coming to the Bad Friends Tour next year. Good pipe? No, no. They'll be a deck. Good pipe. Pretty good. Pretty good. Yeah.

You know how, like, you know how they teach kids shapes when they have to put them, like, they have to put the octagon thing in the box, the octagon? Yeah. You would, they should also have a Bobby Lee one. They should have, like, a square, a triangle, a circle, an octagon, a Bobby Lee. It's like a bowling pin. Right, right. You know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They should throw a Bobby Lee in there. You're a shape. Let's move on. You're a unique shape. Let's move on. I want to hear more about this. Yeah.

If you were a shape, what shape would you be? Oh. I would be an F figure eight. Oh, an infinity. A figure, an infinity sign. An infinity sign. But a vertical infinity sign. Exactly.

What would you be, Juice? Oh, my God. I really put me on the spot here. That's the whole show. Yeah, yeah. A shape, yeah. I think I would be a heart. Oh.

See, and you did it. You knocked it out of the park. You pretended like, I don't know what I'm going to say. I'm going to heart. You knew. I needed time to think. Yeah, what would you be? Can't be a cross.

Ooh. Yeah, that's a shape. That's a good shape. What shape are you? You know what shape I am. I don't know. Just go ahead and say it. Fire?

Is that a shape? It can't be. Look at that fire emoji. Yeah, okay. I meant more traditional. Like what could be a cookie cutter? Oh, sorry. What could be a cookie cutter?

Fire could be cookie cutter? I'll take it. Oh, I know what it is. I was giving you a free joke. Go ahead. What is it? Gingerbread man. Yeah, gingerbread man.

Oh, that's a joke? Yeah, come on. I mean, you know. Yeah. What else looks like? Come on. Yeah. I don't see you as a redhead.

I am, though. I know, but I don't see you as one. What do you see me as? A tall... Your best friend. What? A friend, but a tall... A friend?

A friend tall... Your best friend. You're one of my best friends. A tall, handsome comic. I don't know. He was very talented. Come on. Why do you make me blush?

No, that's what I see you. I don't see the red. Look, if you were black, I'd probably kill you and eat you right now. You had to go there. But you're not. Yeah. I appreciate you saying that. I love you.

I have a daughter named Lamma. Oh. So I was. Girls? Yes, it's a girl named Lamma. I think you know about it. What? So I was on Hinge.

Ooh. You asked them on Hinge, or they ask you? Is that the one... The girl likes you, and then you get to respond. Then I go, I like you too. Got it. So I like this girl. Mm-hmm.

And there was a photo. I don't want to get into it, but there was a photo of... You know the story? She's doing something in the photo where I can go. I can go, oh, I can Google her. She's doing something in the photo right now, I can Google her, she's in the business. Like that she has some sort of like fame.

Like she's in the business. She's not in the business. She has fame. But you know, the first photo was normal. She's a musician. There's something like that. Yeah, she's a musician. Right, I put the thing in the photo where I go,

that she's somebody, put the name in, and there was articles about her stabbing her boyfriend. A mug shot. Oh, is this the woman that killed her boyfriend recently? I don't know, no, she didn't, the guy survived. Are you sure? Yeah, cause I read all the articles through. Is it up to date?

Yeah, it's pretty up to date. I think he died. But she messaged me. What did she say? I'm down to kill you? She goes, no, no, she goes, oh my God, I can't believe you're Bobby Lee, whatever, you know what I mean?

And I'm thinking about, why not? I'll tell you why, I'll tell you literally why not. Tell me why. She stabbed the last guy she was with. I know, but what did he do? I'm not gonna do the same thing. That's true. Right?

What if she finds new things to stab guys over? Oh, that's true. Yeah, you could do something else. I just feel like it's a part of her behavior. Stabby culture? Yeah. Yeah, and do you wanna be under that? But don't you think that that's like

an extra like excitement in terms of like, will I get stabbed today? No, no. Oh no. Will I get stabbed today? Yeah, yeah, yeah. When I wake up in the morning, the one thing I find relief in the fact

that the partner that I have and have lived with is that she won't fucking stab me. That's the number one thing on my mind. Yeah. You know what? She won't stab me. Oh, is that what it is? Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. So let's get you with a girl who definitely will not stab you at all and maybe have another. But she's really pretty. Give her a try. That's what I'm saying, yeah, yeah. You never know, right?

Yeah, you gotta give her a try. Right, and if I hear. Yeah. Baby? Baby? What is that? Nothing. Which is an Asian.

Creepy crawly skeletons on bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. But let me tell you something. Yeah. Outside of that, your hinge, or your dating online has been great. It's pretty okay. It's been great. You've been calling me and telling,

you know what I noticed? What did I say to you when you walked in the comedy store tonight? What did I say? You look like you, what? Unloaded. You look like you've been unloading. You look like you're less tense.

You look like you've been having stuff come out of you and you look like you're loose and light. You were light on stage tonight. You were real light. It's gravy. What? Oh, your spunk is gravy? It's like thick, chunky gravy.

Is it brown? Yeah. Oh boy. Yeah. We'd have to get that checked out, I think. The biscuit's kind. A biscuit kind? So you have biscuit, or you have sausage gravy?

Well, you know how like sometimes gravy and there's the chunks in it, like sauces and stuff? Gravy on my face. It looks just like that. Sausage gravy on my face. It's great. And they just, she has a chew on it. What?

Yuck. Yeah, and it's gross. Cream corn, by the way. It's thick, it's unusually thick. That's an honest truth. Creamed corn? Yeah. Cream corn.

Is that Bobby? Yeah. That's a Bobby special. Yeah. A little bit of cream corn. Yeah. Does that make you gross? Well, you're talking about wanting to get more ladies

and then you present this. Yeah, but it's also a comedy. Oh, she's right though. It is. Yay. Because here's the deal. Just because it's a comedy show, you could still fish for some, for some poo.

Oh, can, then ask me again. Well, do it as Elvis. That's better already. Elvis, what are you, what do you find? Elvis, what kind of girl are you looking for? Love me, tender, hey, how you doing? That was really good. Really good.

Keep doing it, keep going. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do it again. How you doing? Well, just saying. Well, love me, tender, love me, dude. Bro, you could legit be Asian Elvis. I'm not, I'm not even, dude, I don't get my hopes up.

It was one of my dreams. Don't, don't build me up. I'm being 100% serious right now. When we do Bad Friends Live, you have to come out as Asian Elvis. Yeah? Yeah. I hate doing it.

Every time we show them this work. Give me another song. But when you do Love Me Tender, you have to say, Love me, tender. Oh yeah, let me do it again. Go ahead, Asian Elvis, go ahead. Love me, tender, love me, dude.

It's really good. How is this not, it's a thing. This is incredible. Give me another song then. A Jailhouse Rock. Sing it a little bit. Just to dance into the Jailhouse Rock. Thank you to the Jail Rock Rock.

What? Bro, good. Thank you to the Jail Rock Rock. I can't help falling in love. I can't help falling in love. Faring, faring in love. Faring in love with you. Oh my God.

Oh my God. We can't go on together. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. We can't go on together. No. You're doing down syndrome. Yeah, yeah, down syndrome. Do Elvis.

Yeah, you're right here, yeah. Because if you want to do Asian down syndrome Elvis, I am into that. I do love that. Well, I could do both. It gives it a different level of complexity. I know. But stick to just Asian Elvis.

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for 10% off your first booking. One app, over 300,000 experiences, you'll remember. Do more with Viator. All right, sing the song again. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Do it with it, do it with it, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do it again.

Do it again, do it again, do it again, do it again. Wait, it's, what are we doing, suspicious? Yeah, yeah. We can't go on together. We can't go on together. With suspicious minds. We can't go on together. Still, you still go like that.

Yeah, you're right, yeah. You can't go on together. Yes. It's suspicious of mine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pretty good. I took the Down syndrome out. This is so good.

It's so good, right? I'm not kidding. You think you can have my own movie maybe or a live show? I'm writing one right now in my head. Right, who would play the Colonel? The guy from Doctor Strange. Yeah, yo, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

He'd be perfect. Oh my God. Who would play Priscilla? Yeah, who would it be? Aquafina. Aquafina! Aquafina! I'll call her up.

Do it. It'll be great. But what's the story? Is he from Memphis or is he from Tokyo? Do you know this place called Memphis, Japan? Oh yeah, he's from Memphis, Japan. Memphis, Japan. Yeah, that's great.

Yeah, show him Memphis, Japan. And you're from Memphis, Japan. And what's your story? Who found you? The slow man. The what? The slow man. The snow man.

What does that mean? I don't know. Yeah, what does that mean? The Colonel. The Colonel. Oh, they call him the snow man. The snow man. My bad.

Yeah. Memphis, Japan has a festival, by the way. Oh, that's great. So check this out. You know how they say Elvis told me he's from black people? In your version, a black person found you in Memphis, Japan and brought you back to the United States. Yeah.

Can my character have a pet Godzilla? I wouldn't ruin it. How about this? I fly on Mothra. I just feel like it needs to have that. Okay. Okay. We're going to check with some of the producers.

Hey everybody. Yeah. Hey everybody. Elvis here, right? Say hi to Mothra, right? And Mothra's like. Yee! Right?

That'd be cool, right? Yeah. Yee! Right now, I get on the boat. Bye-bye! Right? Yee! I just fly off to the south.

That'd be cool, ending. I do think this is a good idea. Are you going to introduce it? Let me mention it in the room. I will. I will, but honestly, I don't know if we're going to get it financed. We might have to self-finance this one.

We got to incorporate Nagasaki and Hiroshima a little bit. Oh, interesting. Here's the deal. Yeah. You grew up. You grew up in one of those places. Right, Nagasaki. Asian Elvis grew up in Nagasaki.

Right. And you got out right before the bomb. Because it's the 60s, right? It's the 50s. Yeah, well. Because Elvis happened in the 50s, right? Late 50s. But the 40s is when it happened.

Right. So it's 10 years after Nagasaki. There's still radiation. That's why you still have Mothra in it. You know what happened? Right. A Southern guy was visiting Japan. Here we go.

He was in Nagasaki. At the time. The bomb goes off. Coincidentally. The bomb goes off. He was thrust into your body. A little Asian, a regular little Asian man who could sing on the streets.

Who would sing in Japanese. You, boom, hit each other so hard. Well, you know how sometimes a guy gets into an accident and he opens up a part of his brain that he never knew he had? A Southern man, boom, smashes into a little Asian boy who was singing in the streets. Can it be like more like there's a Southern guy there, right?

I'm an Asian boy, right? That's exactly what I said. I know, but what you're saying is that our body's clogged. Can it be more like his ghost goes into my mouth? No, potato, potato, I feel like. Potato, potato, I feel like. Well, you're saying that you're gonna fuse cheek humus together. Oh, maybe the bomb does that.

The bomb? I just said that. My bad, my bad. I have the question. I said the bomb. And then when he comes through, he goes, I'm all shook up. I'm all shook up.

I'm all shook up. I'm all shook up. I'm all shook up. Why do I have to teach you how to do this? I'm sorry. You should be teaching me. I know, I just got the role. I just got the role.

I'm just gonna figure it out. I'm all shook up. I'm all shook up. And then his leg starts dancing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have no idea. What a boy. What a boy.

Right? But it's just twitching from radiation. And for some reason, you, what, if for some reason, you think that the women are screaming because they have radiation, but they're really screaming because of my legs. No, no, no, no, no, your legs. Okay.

You, okay, good. I'm all shook up. I'm all shook up. No, no. Yeah. Right. And then how do I, right. So how do I rise?

Oh, by the way. What? How do we mean, how do you rise? To fame? No, no, check it out, check it out. All right. I'm checking it out. So who was Hank Williams?

Who was the guy that he opened with? In the beginning? Oh, yeah, yeah, some Hank Williams. Was it Hank Williams? Maybe it was. Maybe it was Hank Williams. I'm just trying to get you apart to So I open do I open up for you? Yeah, but you're Japanese Hank Willems. Oh Very good any of his songs I don't know. I don't know good, but so so I open up for you, but that's funny

I think you should go always go. Oh, that's your thing before you say everything when I come out on stage And it is a ladies and gentlemen Hank Williams, but you're not Hank. You're Hank who Hank Hank with a you Hank who Hank William Yeah, ladies and gentlemen, Hank who really Yeah, yeah, and I go ahead Good rookie What are you got? Do you have a summer something for me?

Yeah, I come in I do do it with you. What about this during During suspicious minds. I bring you back on stage got it, right? We harmonize. Yes Yeah We can't go on All right, let's get the tone right. What were you at? We can't go on together It's suspicious of mine in a suspicious of mine It's so good you telling me a record label is not gonna fucking sign us after this

What else did he sing By the way, and then my character can go hey you did a cheating Thanks, no, no, no, I don't say that. What do I say it again? Yeah. Oh uncle you did cheating my Good tonight He just says yeah, yeah, we could do shirts And Americans everyone will know what that is. Oh Relatable yeah, these checks into it. How do you guys get into it? How do you guys in the show? Yeah? Yeah Maybe the pointers did the pointer scissors have anything to do with it

You gotta go a little bit further back. Oh, that really got it further back. Well, yeah You guys could be you guys could be a Billie Holiday. Oh, why don't we do that? Yeah Yeah, yeah, I love it. What I love it for Cheryl. Yeah, who in error if you share all by the way We're both still white guys. They've suddenly become black women. Yeah, you're very holiday and you're error for Cheryl Yeah, yeah, all right. So so you guys got to sing cheek to cheek With this is this is the scene where we meet them for the first time, right? So they have to do their own

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm sorry. I'm ever just a handful. Oh, right. What's your name? Do the accent go thick go pick any you you I'm very horrid We love your music Robert. We love it. Thank you Yeah, yeah, Jules's Jules's version of doing it is just for putting her teeth on her on her left Because she's doing the buck teeth. I love it. I thought you're doing the buck teeth buck teeth is great I love it. Look if this doesn't get picked up by a record label. I don't know what I don't know What what what else? Yeah, and then like, you know

Easy easy easy and it'll be great. Oh my god, by the way Yeah, I wanted to tell you because I wanted to call you after I watch I watch the The the Vatican the little girl that gets kidnapped out of the Vatican. What? What don't say Vatican just do that I don't have to watch this there's a little girl that gets kidnapped out of the Vatican There's a story that's on Netflix right now about a little have you guys seen it Carlos? Have you seen it? Emanuel Orlandi Emanuele or landi. No, no, she was born. She was kidnapped in 1983 Uh-huh, and she was she went missing she walked outside of the walls of the Vatican

And she went completely missing his whole thing about how it's really inside the Vatican actually had her kidnapped on the outside of the Vatican Dude, and what happened? I can't tell you You don't know did they find her did that move dude? Oh my god. Stop stop stop stop What what what what is that moving? It's it's fucking move Fancy is that a trick that you're doing be real fancy George Wait that physical skeleton is George. Yes Okay, that's what makes me feel a little bit better knowing he's gone That was really scary dude. That actually scared the shit out of me. You scream. No, you

Know what we haven't done in a long time and we should do on the show now What is tell our ghost stories which ones you got any new ghost stories by the way? I don't have any new ones. I got one dummy. I got a very new ghost story that just happened not too long ago Okay, yeah You have to spit on it well, I love it on George if it in my mind When the Philippines you just spit on ghosts You see a ghost in the Philippines you just spit on it you know To be

To be prepared you just like when you go in the forest you just spit everywhere So you Before you go to a fucking four hours ago. Are you ready? You have to spit wait a minute. Yeah, I got the spit You got our ghosts scared of spit. I don't know. That's what my grandma told me. Yeah, they're wrong Yeah, we do that crucifix It's good. It's good. All right, uh, holy water holy water. Yeah, those are pretty good the Bible Maybe Bible spit and I never heard of that spit. Did you grab on the chew tobacco? No, you must speak when you go to Yeah, just chewing you say it a bit a bit. What is that ribbit ribbit? Is that

Communicating with a frog in Filipino Ribbit ribbit Oh, it means away away and then wait, but is that how you do it? Does everybody do it or do you really spit? Some people do but you can just oh chogi wouldn't you chogi? Pete's looked up there is literally nothing on the internet that validates what you just said Yeah, you're family. It's only your family who does that you know everyone does that in my Internet Your village is just just your family

Okay, Filipino blood spitting ritual you guys are fucking weird weird. Oh, there's our blood involved No, that would make sense to cut your mouth and then spitting more sense Yeah, there's literally nothing on the internet that says anything about spitting at ghosts your family made this up Told the whole village There was no ghost in the first place to be valid for her there were never you were never attacked by a ghost Okay, although Filipino ghosts have wet faces. Is that what it is? Oh, yeah, okay, right this they're all whipping wiping spit Is that a real thing really? Yeah. Yeah, would you do that to an American ghost?

What would you do for an American like if the ghost entered your room at my house? What would you do? Yeah, you're sleeping in the middle of the night Jules an American ghost comes in so white America give it back He's got his passport with him. You know, he's American citizen. He's he's here. He's not you that's for sure Yeah, he's an American citizen, baby So what do you do? I Don't know maybe just pray

Pray all right. Say the prayer praise a good one. Go easy coming in. Okay. Here comes the American ghost right now Do you have a 401k? How's your retirement fund? Lord have mercy. I Love Jesus Christ, you've accepted him as your Lord and Savior I can do I can do the the the liquid You don't know what it is It's holy water. Are you squirting on me?

Don't you just go away? No, I love squirting I'm a cock. Oh Oh, yes, spit on me What would you do of a ghost came in my room? Yeah, a ghost is in your room right now ready, Juicy Well, I don't believe in ghosts, but I'm here Jetski. What do you know? What will you do now? I'm gonna turn on and just like that and turn the volume up Wait a minute. Is that the guy from Magnum PI? I Love him didn't he once do a show about a Korean Elvis that never took off

But he was from Memphis, Tokyo, Japan Anyway, you're pretty chill, Juicy Yep, still not acknowledging you. Okay, peace out. Wow. She handled that really well. Yeah, how about you fancy? Fancy I've come to visit you in the middle of the night. You're not gonna understand anything. I say I'm from INS Like if you didn't see his face It's a fucking woman. Yeah, I thought the exact same thing. It's so funny. So by the way, we have to introduce Carlos get up there We have the three witches in studio tonight. Look at these babes

And fancy I got to tell you something everyone take the take your hat put it above your face Put it just in front of your face so we can't so the camera can't see your face Just leave just your neck just your neck Pete Okay, Pete's let's rank Pete's neck. Let's rank next I Gotta tell you Yes, yeah, all right real fast Carlos come block your block your face and put your gesture Oh my god, it's like it's beautiful. It's a beautiful neck. You know what it looks like what?

Gina Davis. Yeah Davises neck beautiful. All right, and then fancy keep it down in front of your face a little bit more dude That's like um, I'm not I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding when I say it's beautiful. It's stunning I would fuck the neck. I would fuck your neck Fancy, you know whose neck you look like right now. What thank you the girl the Evan Rachel would put your put it cover your fucking face That's Evan Rachel. The girl that was in queen's gambit. What's her name? Oh? Uh, Taylor joy. Yes, and a Taylor joy. That's what it is. Yeah. Oh my god. Oh my god cover your fucking face

I don't want to see your face repeat ptsd with that phrase wait. Why why everybody says cover your face Oh fancy that was your parents. That's not every I mean, it's everybody to you That whenever fancy tries a joke I get it and I like it, but boy. Oh boys have done problems. It bombs It hurts because I can hear his brain going tell to say say to them Right, right. I think he thinks about it before see the key is don't think about it before you say it say it Look at this. Don't question it. Look at this show. Yeah Just say it. Don't say it and if it doesn't work. It doesn't work. You do have a beautiful little neck

It's a beautiful knack head and and and and no, can I just say something also because we went to the Philippines together Yes, your hips. Oh, he's got such cute. Your hips are fucking sexy dude. The cutest little hips you've ever seen You saw them in the Philippines. Oh, yeah Because I was like We were shooting something from the car. He saw it from the car. No I swear to God. This is not even a fucking joke, dude I was seeing there You know, I mean could we're shooting and I looked to your right because I always see what you're at

Well, your camera because he was film. He was the director. I was a thing and I looked your side profile And you were doing this thing where you're doing a shuffle I swear to God there was music playing it was in a shuffle and I just gravitated. There's a show going on Yeah, I'm gravitating to his hip and I'm like Wow, that's nice. You so so genuinely genuinely I go that you know his neck and his hips If that if all the other parts were like, you know, I mean legit his hips Yeah, his cock and his dick Find another thing for cock. But yeah, yeah, yeah, that's nice. My neck

But it's pretty good. My hips my teeth and my dick. He has nice teeth Yeah, I gotta tell you don't don't don't smile like that ever again I'm gonna lose the audience isn't it isn't it You imagine his school pictures They were like Oh, stop it when you in Chicago. Yeah, did you trick or treat? Yeah, of course. Yeah, was there any like because back when I was doing it, you know, we would like You know, you would check for like would you would you eat an apple?

No, and you know the moment that when I would see a house that was giving out apples We would immediately go to someone's friend's house that we knew. Yeah grab eggs and egg that house Oh, really without immediately. Yeah immediately the people that give out fruit. Yeah, I'm egging your house And by the way kids out there. I shouldn't you shouldn't be watching the show a b. Yeah, if someone gives you fruit or something like that Yeah, immediately Go to the grocery store and egg the fuck out of their house. There was a house by my house. They gave up money Chinese Chinese. No, they were white people really dimes. They were oh dimes. Yeah, and I went back like 10 times I mean, that was cool. Like yeah. Yeah, I got a bug. No, but what did your family give out?

So for some reason I feel like your your mom gave out good candy. No, we No, no, we turned the lights off You weren't home. No, my parents. No, we would they would I know you would pretend it up. Stay down. Stay down Like it was like it was a stake out. No, like we didn't want any shadows or anyone to know that we were there Your dad has a gun. He's like here. Come on. Don't worry Yeah, they do everything where everything was off stay. I remember you go stay down stay down Did you trick or treat we would go and come home and still stay down Yeah, and we I would bring back candy, right? He's like, oh, that's good. That's good. You know me eat, but

Because we have nothing Really nothing is that why we don't have halloween designs. That's right. No, we don't do it. That's right. Yeah You don't have any halloween decorations. No, no, no, I decorate You should I do Wait, wait, first of all, can I just send that we talked today? Yeah, right and then you Zoomed me. I zoomed your FaceTime me. Oh on accident. Did you really? Yeah, because how do you FaceTime somebody with your cheek? It happens when you're talking on the phone and then sometimes it does I've done it. Yeah, because the FaceTime symbol is down there I've done it and then I I then I FaceTimed her you answered and then you wouldn't show me your house. Why?

It was in my bedroom So I go, let me look at your decor and she wouldn't do it. It's my literally my bedroom and you're like my boss That's a place that you're not allowed is in her bedroom. That seems like a fair boundary There was a cobweb. Is it like it look like let me get to 10 episodes and then I'll show you Oh 10 episodes Okay, I like that but but but also shame on you for not decorating your house Do you decorate yours? Of course you do not Bet me a thousand dollars

I already owe you a thousand. You do owe me a thousand dollars. Of course I decorate. Why do I owe you a thousand? Fancy, I'll pull it up. Yeah, you lost the Sober October. Yeah, you lost sober October. The porn. The no-nut October. You did not I told you I did after you told me that through porn though. No, I did not. You haven't since No, yeah since but it the bets over. Okay. Yeah, you lost of course I did again Yeah, but he still wants to know. Yeah, the moment the moment that you told me it was done I am I put I think I brought a porn on my I did that night. Yeah on the car that night. I the night we bet Oh, I know you did. Yeah, I did it. I could tell yeah, and I forgot I was like, oh fuck. I think I lost as you're coming

Andrew, yeah, yeah Of course I decorate my house. You know what do you know why why because when I was a kid And we go trick-or-treating and you'd go past houses that weren't decorated and you knew those people in the neighborhood Like I had seen them as a kid it bummed me out. I'm like, what's your deal, dude? This isn't it's not for me I decorate for the kids. Okay. Here's what we'll do Jules. It's for it's for them We're not gonna do any cobwebs or skeletons, but here's what we'll do. We'll have candy. We'll keep the lights on We'll get a fancy candy Bro, I'm gonna

Decorations are a are a lighthouse a beacon for kids to say we do have candy So what you have to do is you have to at least get one thing that says we are halloween come to the door Otherwise, they'll not they won't come They won't come to the door unless there's something there that go like go take this home and put this outside Take take some of this halloween stuff that we have here and to decorate the house. What day is it sunday? Yeah, is it sunday? I'll do it. I have a week today today. Today is halloween. Today is yes Let's go to the CVS. Can we go to CVS and get it? Don't ask me ask her. Let's go. Yeah, it's your responsibility You should really do it. Let's do it. Yeah, what about us? Not just me, but do something bro

But do something bro. I know this you're right. I think kids. Yeah, you're right for the kids. You're absolutely correct Decorated for halloween um in the philippines. We did it You gotta do it in the philippines don't they kick a dog on halloween? What do you guys do on halloween again? Do they have halloween in the philippines some rich areas do yeah, and then some no Because there's some areas are so poor in the pourers. They eat the wrappers of can't like you go get wrappers And they're in the rich areas they're passing out balloon. Yeah Balloon they have balloon eggs. It's also um, when's your birthday? Oh, november nine ninth, right? Oh, it's gonna be my 21st

Oh, let's get it wrong. Let's get you shit-faced Oh my god. Well, can we do that or I don't know one that's I don't know we So how drunk have you been in your life? Really drunk like passed out like vomiting. I don't want to hear that as one of your parents I don't want to hear that as a Tito, but if we did for your 21st We got your little drunk that would be fine. She can get annihilatedly drunk when she's with us. I don't want her out in the I'll drive you I'll drive you I don't want you driving her. I'm sober. She'll be you'll be texting. She'll be drunk. You'll die. You'll both die

What let me drive. Oh, you can drive all the way. Thank you for some reason just because Because you'll be looking at her laughing. Yeah, you're right So I need you you guys give me the backseat together. You can be laughing at her and I'll be driving How was jessel neck? Oh, so we we want to say that, you know, we made we feel like we made jesse juicy And now she's opening for other comedians. I'll tell you what happened to anthony jessel neck show with her What fucking Kanye West went there Yeah, Kanye West was at her show. Was that just the weirdest part about the whole thing is the staff didn't tell us until the next day

Wait, so Kanye came to your show late night friday right where not for jesse on what town for me No, for what town for what town? This was an oxnard in oxnard. Yeah Oxnard oxnard and he came to the second show. Yeah saw it and then never said hi and left Yeah, we didn't know about it until saturday um The opener kelly ryan she went up to the sound guy to get a tape and he goes. Yeah, I got your tape By the way, did you know conya was here yesterday?

Wow, and so she told us and so we were like, why wouldn't the staff tell us? I don't like it when they tell is this made up. Would you rather know or not know when it's conya? I want to know don't you think they would mention it. No when it's conya I'd want to know even when it's a when it's like a when sometimes they do at the comedy store. They're like, you know Who's here and they mentioned I'm like who I don't fucking give a shit. All right But when it's conya, I definitely want to know because I want to go up to him be like brother brother are the same views But then he went on an interview and talked about how much he liked the show

Yeah, he went on lex freedsman show and talked about loving anthony jesse mc and he mentioned him by name That's incredible. It makes me sick Why? Because anthony jesse lex jewish Yes, no, he's not he's not No, no, I'm just joe said he went. Yeah, but are you well? We were kind of like you don't want conya to see you Yeah, but you know, he's on some controversy is going on. He's being a bad boy right now. Okay, that's right But also I want him to see me. That's true. Yeah, that's a huge name. It's huge. That's the biggest. Yeah

Who's like Well, when I remember what happened to me in miami what was where I burned the bridge with gloria Oh, yeah, it was cool. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Do you guys know this story? No, I don't know. Have we told this on this show? No Tell it. So I was at the miami improv. Don't make fun of me Okay, and I was in the green room and the fucking manager goes you can't believe it was in the audience I go who he goes gloria estefan. I go. I don't know nothing I don't know who that fucked that. You know, right? I love the miami mom machine. What's a miami mom machine?

Miami mama machine. What's it called miami? I don't know what you're talking about. Gloria Estefan Miami something machines sound machine. Oh, the miami sound machine. I thought you were saying mommy's. I don't know. I forgot. That's how little I know. He's like gloria gloria He's like gloria. I don't fucking mess. He goes gloria estefan miami mom It's late gloria estefan miami sound machines. Yes. Okay. Thank you. Yeah, right and I go. Oh, yeah, is she big? He's like she's at the time like 15 years ago. Nobody's bigger. No one's bigger in miami massive, right

So I'm on stage and I don't know what came over me. I go I thought I was bombing And I go hey ladies and gentlemen big surprise I go we have a big celebrity in the audience and they put a spotlight Under her and I go gloria anabon And she kind of does this weird wave and people are like anabon, right And then after the set she just got out of there. Yes. Yeah, and I think about that moment Pretty much once a week for the rest of my life. Well, you should because that's it's embarrassing. Well

Yeah, did she pay for a ticket? Yeah, she did me funny if she had a comp. She was like, I had a comp Yeah, it was so bad. It's fine. It's in the past. Is she the biggest person that's ever been to a show of yours? Um Tarantino has he seen you at the store? Yeah, but that that he's in he wasn't there. Oh, no, I know who Francis for Coppola He was in the or ones But no, I'm saying who was who went to go see who's the biggest person's ever scone gloria estaban just to see you Yeah, that's it gloria estaban came to see you. That's the only celebrity that's come to see me in any show That's wild. Not wild. You know who loves gloria estaban gloria stefan. Shut the fuck up. We'll say it how we want you fucking immigrant

Uh, you know, who you know who you know who loves gloria estaban. Oh fancy. Do you really love her? It's a woman lover 75 million records sold. Oh my god, so that's more that that's more than anybody. That's more than anybody's ever gonna come to a show It's so embarrassing. I've never had anybody huge come to my not one person Catherine O'Hara. That's huge Yeah, oh my I would fucking be so excited. I lost my mind. Do you guys know who that is? Yeah, I'm a massive massive fan. Oh my you're generation. You know, she's she's on schitt's creek, but oh I know her. Yeah, but for us. She's a legend. She's a legend. She's been in Legend. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So she was the mom in home alone

In beetle juice the the reason that I fell in love with her was all was Christopher guest. Yeah, right like that's how I first saw her. Yeah, and I did a mini role on a Christopher guest HBO show and Someone at the improv was like I think Catherine O'Hara is here to see you. No, she was friends with Chris and I guess he had said You ought to see this come this guy's funny. You you know, he's wow. I don't even know how to hang out with her at all Oh, oh, no. Oh, yeah, but I went up. I did my spot. I went and sat back down by the booth And she had she had left

After in my getting off stage and left and I was like, oh, she gone and the guy was like, yeah The moment you got off she left and I was like bummed. I was like, oh that sucks And he was like, dude, she was laughing the whole all of the staff. He's like, we're all looking at her She was laughing the whole fucking time. She was loving it. Wow, but I never heard About it at all. It was as if like she talked to Christopher guest and was like, I'm gonna go watch him And that and just enjoy it and that's it. I kind of well I was on mad we had Christopher guest Eugene Levy and all those guys do like what they would guest star unreal So I'd be around it

But they would never talk to me Well, I'd be in the same room rehearsing the same lines, but they would never say anything to me And I was always so kind of like at the time you were still the oh hot dog guy Don't say it like that, man. Oh hot dog. I don't say it like that. Bring up the get do no No, do all hot dog jiff. Just look at the jiff itself. It circulates through the internet at least five times a day Do you know how many times I see this jiff? Oh hot dog That's bobby lee Do you not realize you by the way, you've probably been sent that jiff. Yes. That's your that's your t-shirt

You don't you don't know that that's that's him God these young kids are fucking idiots. That's me. Can I tell you something? I've been looking at your hair the whole pod. Yeah Why do you put on the wig you have the exact same? Yeah Like you already have good Yeah, like I hate it because it's so scratchy too. I know for the whole time I was like why you have better hair than Elvis head. Look at how beautiful let it out and let it roll Yeah, well do this is slow-mo fancy. Let it out and let it roll, baby Take your time now. Let it roll

Now let it roll. Give it to me. We'll do it sexy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yes Do it more do it more so we yeah, yeah more Yeah more Do yeah, like you just got out of a pool. Do you just got it? So put it in front of your face Like come out of the desk. Oh, yeah come on from under the desk Go down put your hair in front of your face and then flip it backwards. All right ready Don't look at fucking me. Oh, do I I'm you're on the scene alone. You're at the pool Here's can I give you the fucking scene? Yeah. So here's the deal. I want to do it again

Shut up. I honestly don't want to do it again. Shut up. Do you want one more time? Here's the deal Can I set the tone? All right, sir. I go ahead. So you're a hot single. You're a single mother Okay, your single mother or three. You're why do it. Can I be a man? No, all right You're a hot single mother of three. You're recently divorced. Okay. Okay. You got a fuckload of money in the divorce Yeah, he was fucking his secretary typical story. I don't I don't think I need let me fucking finish He's been fucking his secretary, right? You're a hot mother single mother of three now and you're a babe You don't find that yourself attractive anymore, but you are you really are you've been taking care of yourself a lot Keshu comes over who Pablo the pool boy

And probably by boy, huh played by who fancy Pablo the pool boy comes on over Pablo the pool boy comes over and he's a hot babe, right mega baby He's wearing a little speedo and you get out of the pool and you want to show off to him ready and go I I'm gonna tell you something once I didn't even think about it. I just I just felt it. I know I didn't think about it. I'm never gonna say this again. Please Turned on turn me on. Thank you actually turn me on. Thank you. Thank you actually got me got my britches a little tight

Yeah, I just you know, I just went with it You're a good fucking. Thank you. I was just like listening but not And I was feeling it. What's what's a funny thing that got said to you tonight about What did archivier say to you about your television appearances that made us laugh really really hard Yeah, what do you say something offensive he made for he made fun of one show and complimented the other the exact same time He goes And just like that is terrible, but I love you on reservation. He goes and just like that is a very bad show love reservation dogs It was a perfect the way he did it was like pop up. It was perfect. Yeah, but let me tell you something

Yeah, I think they're both great television. You're a great little And you always have been But if you leave me again, yeah And go to new york to shoot that fucking show and I'm not here for this. Yeah We're gonna have some trouble. Yeah, we're gonna have a little spanky sassy Well, I'll tell you something. Um, I have to do three more episodes. Yeah. Fuck off. I do And just like that and just like that you're leaving again Yeah, but well, you know, but here's the thing. I hadn't been home in a month and a half

Yeah, right. So I'm not gonna do that again. I honestly like Dude, I Even doing the sagura shows First of all, can I say something? Yeah, he's a huge star. Tom. Yeah, Tom sagura. Love him Did you ever think that though? I knew interesting you guys didn't know it's just like because you see guys like that's really interesting. Here's one. No I'm here's good. I love them like a brother. What do you think when you when you see even just like just like right? Yeah, I hang out just like you know me go to dinner, right? He'll go. Hey come do my show. We'll hang out, right?

Good friend, right? But then when I see him sell out san jose improv six shows in a row, you're just gonna go. Oh, yeah He's famous. They're famous. Yeah, but you don't think that when you're in a stadium 15 000 seats. I open for him And you're just going what the fuck He's huge. It's crazy. It's a it's it's amazing. It's amazing. And when we go in the road, how much do we do 100? 250 seats Great. Now, I think we'll do 5000. We're gonna do three to fives three to fives. We'll see what happens. Well three to fives

Some cities we're gonna do much much less We're doing a run of the deep south and in alabama. Yeah, we got a corporate I shouldn't say this, but I guess I can leak it. We're doing a corporate. I'm not doing that No, no, no, I'm not doing a corporate It's not about why because they when you do a corporate show they go you can't show your dick. You can't show They don't they not say that you can't show your body part. You can't say these things Yeah, and I'm not I'm not gonna do that. You have to dress like this sometimes they do that You have to dress like this. First of all, yeah

It's a company that we want to be in bed with very bad. What's it? It's the kkk. Oh, yeah, I'd love to do it We're doing the corporate. I love it. We're doing the corporate. Yeah, yeah, you're in you're in You're opening and closing I mean you there's three comics. You're two of the white ones have to go. Yeah, you have to you can't just have an Asian and a white guy Yeah, we sandwich him just so they forget about him. You go first then him then me then you again So they get a double dose of white in the end or one in the case for korean Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's the kook the kook korean clan By the way, when we do go down to the south, I do want you to go to like where the kkk are and ask if you can get in

Really? I would love to do it. See if you can get in. Yeah, I think they would let me in. What's their process? I don't know if it's more your thing, but I'm not gonna door. It's my thing. Well, is there? Oh, you're white. You would know more. I've never been they never let me But is there a door that I knock on or do I just walk in? I don't knock knock knock. I feel like those people don't have a lot of doors Knock knock knock knock knock Knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock Hey, man, hey, what's going on? What's up? Hey? Did it somebody order Chinese food? Oh, no. That was a funny joke, man. I don't think anybody ordered Chinese. No, no, no, I'm not here to join the club

Okay, okay Can I join somebody had their dry cleaning? No. Hey, check it out, bro. Check it out. Who needs a robe washed? I hate Asians. I hate Asians. Me too. Go on. They're so yellow. They're sneaky. Tell me about it. It's brighter than the sun, these people.

I know. I don't say not. Are they not brighter than the sun? I don't like them either, man. You know what they do? They put the MSG. Don't you hate it? It gives you headache. It gives you headache.

I don't like it. Why is a Japanese girl crying? Help her. I don't like it. I want to put a stop to that. You want to be in the KKK. Fuck karate. Fuck kung fu.

Fuck Taekwondo. The gun. We trained Jujitsu in this house. Jujitsu is great because it's Brazilian. That's legit. Brazilians were fine. I know. Argentina, whatever. Same thing.

I don't like it. You know what else? Check it out. Crazy rich. Squid games. Yeah. Hate it. We love that series.

Let me tell you why. They all died. That's great. We'll find the one guy that survived. We'll find him and kill him. I'll be the guy. Crazy rich Asians. We also enjoyed that movie very much.

Why? Michelle Yo was very talented. She's very talented. I will compliment the DP. That's true. That's true. I saw some racking shots that I was impressed by. When they would pull focus.

On some of those scenes it was better than I thought. Anyway, let me ask you something. I'm Bobby. I'm a comedian too. You can call me that. I'll change it. I'm a comedian. Tell me a joke, funny man.

What did the Korean say to the other Korean? Go on. Let's kill ourselves together. Murdered suicide. Murdered suicide. Funny, right? When Asians do murder suicide, hilarious. Absolutely hilarious. I haven't tried it yet.

Try again. Please don't make me try another joke. You want to get in? Tell me another joke. A black, a Korean. My not mayor. That's your nightmare, right? It's scary.

They walk into a bar. Where? In Germany. In the 1940s. Oh, shit dog. And the fucking bar turn goes. Where did it come from? That's my German accent.

Okay, sounds good. I'm not an impressionist. I can tell. You said you were a comedian, right? You know what I can do? Oh, hot dog. Are you a hot dog again? I'm a hot dog.

Are you a hot dog? It's a meme. It's a meme. I'm pretty good, right? Where did the hot dog do this? Do it for me now. Oh, hot dog. Get me in.

Can I join? Okay. I'll do whatever job. You're in. What do I need to do, man? Give me a big kiss. We're not gay. You gotta give me a big kiss.

Tongue? All right, you do it. You gotta say daddy, daddy, you're my daddy. Okay. Daddy, daddy, you're my daddy. Let's say it like a little Asian boy. Daddy, daddy, you're my daddy. Again.

I have a script I want to put you. What is it? Asian Elvis. Are you combining two minds? There's a rule of... Hanku? You and let me play Hank Williams I'm your classic.

The Asian Elvis from Memphis Tokyo, Japan. You always wanted to fly a Mothra. Please! Thank you for being a bad friend. That was very good. Thank you. That was very good.

That was very good. That was very good. That was very good. That was very good. That was very good. That was very good. Thank you. Great.

That was great. Thank you. Great. That was great. That was great. That was great. That was great. Well, thank you for being a bad friend.

Great! Great. Come on, Frank, come on, Frank!