Bad Friends - Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz

Episode Date: March 10, 2025

Get MORE Bad Friends at our Patreon!! https://www.patreon.com/badfriends Thank you to our Sponsors: Zocdoc, Robinhood, BLUECHEW & Shopify • ZocDoc: Stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to https://Zocdoc.com/BADFRIENDS to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. • Robinhood: Get the most for your retirement at https://robinhood.com/us/en/gold/ • Shopify: Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at https://shopify.com/badfriends Watch Andrew Schultz comedy special "Life" on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/title/81741999 YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube Audio Subscribe: https://apple.co/31Jsvr2 Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com 0:00 Gene Hackman & Survivor Dogs 5:00 Ryan Reynolds Drama 10:00 Life as an Uggo 15:00 Squid Game Confusion 20:00 Acting with Asian Accents 24:00 Andrew Schulz & Matt Damon 27:30 Schmoozing at Sony 35:00 Fancy's American Accent 40:00 Breaking Up The Band 46:30 Running Away from Michael Bay 52:00 Born Feet First 1:00:00 The Hula Hoop Strategy 1:04:00 Nomad Marriage 1:09:00 Andrew Schulz Talks 'Life' More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbylee.live More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Juicy Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jetskijohnson/?hl=en More Fancy SOS VHS: https://www.youtube.com/@SOSVHS Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fancyb.1 More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: 7EQUIS https://www.7equis.com/ Podcast Producer: Andrés Rosende This video contains paid promotion. #bobbylee #andrewsantino #badfriends #sponsored #ads Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

TD Direct Investing offers live support. So whether you're a newbie or a seasoned pro, you can make your investing steps count. And if you're like me and think a TFSA stands for Total Fund Savings Adventure, maybe reach out to TD Direct Investing. Hello. Hello there mate. I'm Bean-San Tousey, we're coming to London, England mate and then Dublin, Ireland right after. I'm Tom Hardy. He's Tom Hardy and I'm Beans on Tousey, we're coming to London, England mate, and then Dublin, Ireland right after. I'm Tom Hardy. He's Tom Hardy, and I'm Andrew Santino, and we're going to London, England July 18th, and then July 19th we'll be in Dublin, Ireland.

Tickets are available right now. We never go to these places. Never go to these places. Once the show's done, we no come back. We no come back! Yeah, yeah, so you gotta go. You gotta go, so go to BadFriendsPod.com for those tickets. BadFriends back. Yeah. Yeah, so you gotta go you gotta go So go to bad friends pod calm for those tickets bad friends pod calm

Hey everyone from Texas Houston specifically I Need you to buy tickets for my show on what does it March 28th and 29th of? this year Go to Houston improv dot com buy the tickets or I'm gonna hurt myself I'm gonna hurt myself I might die We're bad friends. Who are these two idiots? Woo. White dude and Asian dude.

Woo. You two are disgusting. Woo. You two are something. We're bad friends. What happened to Gene Hackman? What happened to Gene? What happened to him?

What happened to Gene? His wife died too. What happened to Gene? And one dog. Bark, bark. Yeah, let me say something. The dog was in the kennel, which I think is a little strange. Don't you let your dogs free roam?

I free roam my dog. I free roam dog. But, um. I'd be free roaming. My question is. How old was he, by the way? 95. Time to go.

I know. You did your time. But his Asian wife, 65. Right? And dog died. and two dogs survived. Who were the survivors? Let me see the survivor dogs. Yeah, survivor dogs, man.

Yeah, yeah. There they are. There's some of the dogs. Those are German shepherds. German shepherds. They can live through anything. They lived through the Holocaust. They were very good in the Holocaust.

They were good, dude. And their work is not credited. Whatever. Right? Right? It was not credited. Not enough. Yeah, yeah.

Honestly though, the other one that was bad was Michelle Trachtenberg died the same day, right? In New York. Oh, that's not here? Yeah, it was in New York. It was the same day because Gene had been dead a day when they found him, apparently. They found him a day later?

Oh yeah. It's a Hollywood tribal. Okay, we've talked about it on this show. People die in threes. Who's next? Who's the third? I'm gonna throw it. Hold on, on the count of three.

Yeah, hold on, let me think of the name. Hold on, this is fun. Okay, I was gonna say, on the count of three we have to think of a name together. Okay, I think we shouldn't predict. Okay. You know what I mean? No, because you know what happens on the show

when we predict? Yeah, it doesn't. It happens. But so here's the thing, they say it's not carbon monoxide poisoning. Gotta be. They say it's not. Otherwise it's not. And they say it's not follow play,

so I have a prediction. Fair play. So maybe someone deserved to kill him. It was fair play, and I understand, I think this, okay? One of the dogs was scared of the Asian wife. Oh, at some point she's like. He's thinking, it's me, I'm gonna go soon.

I'm next. It's me or her. No, he's German, they're German Shepherds. I don't know. She's looking at me, one day she's gonna eat me. And by the way, Gene's getting so old, he couldn't control her from doing that. Right, so one day, the dog, I can't do a German accent.

Yeah, I will do it for you. Yeah, do it for me. Saw a gigantic chocolate bar exposed. Oh, I love chocolate. I know, but you know what it does to you. What does it do to me? It kills you. So he saw the chocolate bar, right?

This is my time. And his other, what does the other two dogs say? Well, they ran away, they got away. They were in the house. Well, they ran away. They got away. They were in the house. Well, who, where, look at the movie Crimson Tide. Here's my conversion. Love this movie.

You think Denzel did it? That was my other theory. I was honestly not gonna say Denzel, zoom in. I was gonna say George Zunga, that guy right there, fourth, right before Vigo. No, wait a minute. Yeah. Vigo makes the most sense. Vigo Mortensen is German. Oh my God. No, wait a minute. Yeah. Vigo makes the most sense.

Vigo Mortensen is German. Oh my God. Oh, Aragorn did it. Aragorn did it. Those are my dogs I sent to. That's a long play. That's a long play. I don't know if he would go to all the way to New Mexico.

Yes, he would. He loves New Mexico. I love the- How do you know that Vigo Mortensen likes New Mexico? We have vacations there. Okay. You know what? And rest in peace, one of the greatest actors of Morrison likes New Mexico? We vacation there. Okay. You know what? And rest in peace one of the greatest actors of all time, Gina Hackman.

Bro, do you realize- Rest in so many peace. That made so many good movies. French Connection. Yeah. Well, I told you, Crimson Tide is one of my favorite movies. Here's another one that you forgot. So good.

Young Frankenstein. Oh my God. He plays the blind guy. That's right. So funny. Wow, dude, he- He did everything. Oh, actually, you know what- Look at all the movies!

We've done, I mean, it's insane! Here's my favorite voice he ever did, though. Yeah, go on. Ants. So good in Ants. Do it now. He was the general. Do it now.

We must fight to survive. We must fight to survive! You know that speech he does? It's so- Is that him? Yeah. Okay. He was so good in Ants, dude.

Okay. King Ant. He was, probably made ants, dude. Okay. King ant. He was, probably made of millions. I don't know about that. Did animation pay that well back then? I don't think so, you're right. Yeah, now that they got like superhero. They get points though, I think.

Right. Right? Well, I mean, yeah, I guess, I got a residual check the other day for the sale of Ricky Stineke to DVD. What was it? Chaching. Big time, dude.

Chaching. $42.36. Chaching. That's what it was, $42.36 or 37 cents. I'd have to look it up. Yeah, people think that when you do these things. Residuals, they're like, it must be raining down. I did movies for virtually free.

You lost money on some, a lot of money. I lost money, it's not a lucrative thing. Unless you're Ryan Reynolds. And be careful, Ryan Reynolds. Why? They're coming for him. The business is all like mad at him and his wife. I didn't get involved in this shit on the internet

because I didn't care to like research, but it's funny how many stories are being told about these guys. There's another story that I just saw on TikTok. It's the movie that he did, that sci-fi movie with Jake Gyllenhaal. What was that movie called? Why can't I see it in my mind?

It's Horizon or is it Collateral Horizon? Collateral Horizon. Life. We were right there. We were right there. I would have got lied. So see the girl that's, go back. Rebecca Ferguson.

Rebecca Ferguson said something crazy about him. I don't know if it's true I wasn't there but he was really mean to her like a bully on set yeah yeah really and then one day she came on what this asshole is so insecure that he's just yelling at me all the time yeah and so one day she came comes on set and she goes I'm not doing things with you anymore I'm gonna do it with the tennis ball. No, with the C-stand with the tennis ball? Yeah, and then the producer went up to her and she goes, he's number one on the Chicago scene, he has to be there.

I don't know why, he probably doesn't wanna be there. Yeah, but again, we don't know if it's true, but it's enlightening. Well, it's a bummer, because then all those stories that TJ Miller told about working with him on Deadpool seem to be much more valid. Oh, right. People did not believe him, but they were like, well valid. Like people, people didn't not believe him,

but they were like, well, you never know. Their relationship could have been toxic, but it seems like Rupro. How hard is it to be nice? Here's the deal. I don't know the deal. Tell me the deal. I think Denzel Washington said about him. Who?

Who Denzel said about Ryan Reynolds? Yeah, they were in a movie together, Safe House. Oh yeah. And in an interview they asked Denzel, they said basically, well, when Ryan Reynolds? Yeah, they were in a movie together, Save House. Oh yeah. And in an interview, they asked Denzel, they said basically, well, when Ryan Reynolds was there, he was just observing you and he forgot to act because he admired you so much. And then Denzel said like, oh, is that what it was?

I thought he was just terrible. That's what Denzel said? Yeah. Wow. Wow. And everybody on the show is like, wow. That's amazing. Yep. And when Denzel's a truth teller.

He really is. When he says like, I don't know if it's AI, but with his voice. Well, it could be. He can say anything and it'll be like a spiritual. Zoom into that photo you just pat up. That's two lover boys. Look at that, zoom into that photo.

Denzel doesn't look stoked. There he doesn't, yeah. Denzel does not look stoked. He doesn't look stoked, yeah. That is kind of crazy to think about. Well, here's the deal. Here, I'll answer your question. Yeah.

Is it hard to be nice on set? Here's- Yes. No, no, no. Here's why though. He's hot. He's been hot his whole life. You and me, Ugo Ruggos, you know, knock, knock, knock. Here we go!

Knock, knock, knock. Bobby, Andrew, you guys ready? Are you guys out of your bucket of slime? You wanna come shoot the scene? They do, they do. They treat the opposite differently. The couple last movies, I was in one of those. Quarter, like a fucking.

I was talking about quarter, 10% trailer. It was like barely a human being could go in there. It's a bathroom. Literally the toilet and that's it. You're sitting on the toilet to watch like, you know what I mean, YouTube videos. You know what I mean? And then you have to wait there for so long.

All day. All day. And then you're like, hey, can lunch, can I leave? No. And they go, no, absolutely not. We need you. What if we need you? So then lunch happens four hours later.

They don't need you. They don't need you. It's bullshit. Yeah, this is what happens. when you're regular and Ugo, if you're us who are regular looking guys. But anyway, you're right. I think if you're an Ugo like us, you're gonna not get treated the way that...

Ryan Reynolds is so hot. I know, but can I say something for a redhead? And I get a lot... One time I was at one of your shows. What do you mean at our show that we do together? No, we weren't doing it together. It was a show that I was at one of your shows. What do you mean at our show that we do together? No, we weren't doing it together. It was a show that I was supporting you. Oh yeah.

And a lady in the audience, I was sitting kind of in the side and she turns to me and goes, your boy is handsome. Only because I'm on stage. No, I've heard a lot of that on the internet. I've heard a lot about my direct messages. And I just want you to own up to your handsomeness. No, no, no. First of all-

Because you have a mutant color of the hair. Yeah, because I'm a mutant. I'm a freak. But the faces, Andrew Santino is so hot, what the fuck? Yeah, but that's a guy. These are all guys. They're not guys, dude.

But trust me. Look at 2020, 2020, Steve, there's a Bobby Lee one. Can I tell you? The amount of times that I've gotten dick pics sent to my DM from guys, it's unreal. I get dick pics all day. Didn't you live in West?

So when they, you put- I did, that's why. Wait, wait, when you, what? Bobby Lee. What is that Reddit, yeah. When you type in Bobby Lee hot, it's- It's about spicy wings. Spicy wings.

Right, that eight hot stuff. But you do. No, I know I have, but that's bullshit. Wait, scroll down a little. Yeah. That's so funny. Keep going, keep going, keep going. Let's see, Bobby Lee hot, eating spicy wings.

It's where I had diarrhea when I was on Hot Wings. But you did Hot Ones, I've never done that. They've never asked, they don't want me over there. Look at that, oh my, anyway, get out of that. So you don't, I don't have a Reddit flat. Bobby Lee's the only person to shit himself on Hot One. Okay, okay. That's an award in of itself.

I know, but that's still humiliating. Name someone else that's done that. I don't know. By the way, New York Magazine, Bobby Lee puts one of the most outrageous and outrageously funny Hot Ones performances to date. Bam. There you go.

I do it for comedy. You always do it for comedy. Yeah, anyway, let's get out of that. But you're hot, let's move on. No, no way. You can't say you're an ugly one. But you know, I wonder what it is with like that generation of like,

they were hot their whole life, they got treated hot their whole life. Some guys did, Brad Pitt is like the coolest fucking dude. And everyone says they work with him. He's like the most rad dude on earth. And he's been hot his whole fucking life. Okay. He's never not been hot.

He's hotter now than he was 20 years ago. But who's the hottest young actor now, man? Timothy Shalime. Exactly. And from what I've talked to Theo about, because Theo had him on. Oh yeah. He's the nicest guy.

He seems like a good kid. Yeah, I mean, and he's unaffected and he, why can't you just be that? You know you're on the top of the world. You know how much money you're making. Yeah. And why can't you just accept that and go, you know what I mean, I'm grateful for everything that I've.

Something's going on inside. Oh! That color coordinated. What's up, my boy? Are you guys already recording? Yeah, always. Oh, I didn't know that. How are you?

What's going on, man? Ladies and gentlemen, Andrew Schultz. Andrew Schultz. What's up, captain? Good to see you, always. Oh, I didn't know that. How are you? What's going on, man? Ladies and gentlemen, Andrew Schultz. Andrew Schultz. What's up, captain? What's up, doc? Dylan, what do you want me? Doing right there. The blue chair.

The blue chair, yeah. Damn, look at these pants. That's how much money he's making. Those pockets are waiting for all that money to go in. Look at how deep those pockets are. Doing promos with Matt Damon. How much money to me, man? This guy's got deep pockets.

I heard about all the movie money. I heard about that Hulu deal. I heard you broke a record. Yeah, I broke two records. That's what they said. I heard they kicked you out your golf club. Yeah, they did. They had to.

They said you gotta go to Bel Air now. I had to, dude. Even your mustache is fancier. I hate it. Stop, we're not gonna do this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, what are you, Lando Karisian? You guys got the Nicked deal. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Ticket team pouches. You're the mayor of Cloud. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Ticket fee pouches. You're the mayor of Cloud City now, you bitch. You got majority white people on the pod so you know you're making money. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You took the flip out of here. First of all.

Someone who's always been nice on the set. Korean, Spanish, Mexican. We have- You got the whitest Hispanics. Well. You gotta get the whitest ones. Yeah. These are like real colonizers.

You know how they call us colonizers? Yeah, that one. Those were like the descendants of like Vasco de Gama. The one on the right. I get it, I get it. He is. You were chasing around the Mel Gibson people. And then.

What are they called? With him. With him. You know what, what's that Mel Gibson movie? What's that called, the Aztec shit? Apocalypto. Apocalypto. Yeah, you were chasing around the apocalypto.

You're the reason they speak Spanish. Yeah, yeah. You got real racism here, man. This is beautiful. That's you. That's you right there. Yeah, can we get a, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. One?

Yeah. I want one. Well, they're hard to pin down. They're busy working nine other jobs. Who is this hairy fuck? He looks like Spaniard. Oh, this guy right here? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he is kind of, that's,

they made it up to Spain. You don't know the Alpresser. Those are the Moroccans, bro. That's why the Spanish got some color. Bobby, you've met him no less than 20 times. I love him. What's his name? Bobby's a real piece of shit in that regard.

What's his name? You met that guy. Mango? Is he gonna make Mango? Is he gonna make Mango? Anyway, good to see you, Mango. Don't get defensive, dude. Is that Korean? That's great.

What does that mean? Bad friends. Bad friends. Oh, sick. Yeah, yeah. I was talking to somebody about, somebody went to that Euro sushi place, they said it was the best sushi, and then I told them, I go,

Andrew Schultz didn't like it, and they couldn't, no one can believe that. You know what I mean? Nobody there even likes it. Yeah, that makes sense. Wait, wait. It's all for Netflix. Yeah, that does make sense.

You know how you visit a place, you know how it's like, what is it, Pat and Geno's in? Oh, in Philly? No one like, no Philly people don't like that. They're like Ishka Bibbles, you know how it's like, what is it, Pat and Geno's in- Oh, in Philly? No one like, no Philly people don't like that. They're like Ishka Bibbles, right? Yeah, Ishka Bibbles, yeah, that's right. They don't like that. This is Pat and Geno's of Japan.

That's Geno right there. Yeah. Yeah. He's old, bro. Yeah, old Geno's old. Now, did he come out and say hi to you? No, he was there and his son. We got like the real shit.

Oh, the real- I bought a suit to go there, because you have to like dress. They say not to drink, you have to like respect it. Yeah, yeah. And then you went there, and there's a bunch of fucking assholes. Were you there with your wife?

I was there with my wife. What did she think of it? She doesn't like wasabi, and it was so much wasabi, they're like, we couldn't even eat it. Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. They don't want you to drink, isn't it in a subway? Yeah, it's in a subway. I'm drinking, it's the subway.

That's the logic, but I had so much deference. Here's it like, all right, you know how like Japanese people, they only do something if it's perfect? Correct. Like they have so much shame, you know, unlike the Koreans do half-ass shit, but like the Japanese. Wait, wait, wait, hold on, hold on.

Couldn't even keep the country as one. You know what I mean? Exactly. Couldn't even keep one country. There's no like North Japan, it's one Japan. Japan. There are Japanese people still fighting World War II. We put two atomic bombs on them. Hey, keep one country. There's no like North Japan, it's one Japan. There are Japanese people still fighting World War II. We put two atomic bombs on them. Who's we?

America! Whose side are you on? Come on! Pearl Harbor wasn't the right thing to do. Let me tell you something. It's a sneak attack and you deserve it. It was a sneak attack, but they were trying to land, right? Let's just be honest.

Yeah. What? Just wanted to land the plane. They just wanted to land the plane You want to land the plane? Is it bat flying joke? I'm just saying that might not be the best. Yeah. Yeah, they might have wanted They're good at flying. They're not good at driving. Let's just say that Okay, no, but my point is is that they have to do everything the best because they feel so much shame. True. Okay Right, like can I go back to the movies though? We make better movies the Koreans. Koreans do make the best film I'm not gonna lie. Korea's been on a tear right now. We're on a tear on TV shows movies

We're on to terror. The squid game thing is incredible. It's it's not just a thing. He's in it. It's a franchise I'm not in it. What number? I'm not the squid. Can I ask you like a kind of can I ask you a racist question? Fuck you. I'm gonna be serious. Be serious and be racist. I love it. That's who you are Because that is okay okay, okay. Are the numbers so we can tell? I don't even get what you're saying. So funny. Like the show, they got numbers on them, right?

They tell you who's left. Have you watched the show? Do you know what we're talking about? I've seen both seasons, yeah. Okay, and they got numbers on all the people. Yes. But is it so that we can tell? We can tell what? Well, which, who's 456 to 218?

There's no fucking way we'd be able to tell. That's AI. I thought that's the same guy. I know what you're saying. Stop, stop. Is it for Western audiences? Is it for Western audiences to be able to know? Oh, so you're saying if you don't have the numbers, we're not gonna be able to tell what Korean is what? I don't know why you would jump to that fucking racism. That's still a little much.

That's not what I'm saying. Explain to what you're saying. Maybe I was being racist, but explain to me. That was what I is what. Well, I don't know why you would jump to that fucking racist shit. That's still a little much. That's not what I was saying. I didn't explain to you what you were saying. Maybe I was being racist, but explain to me. That was what I was saying. That was 100% what I was saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There is a similarity. No, I have Asian eyes.

Uh-huh. And maybe it's like the movie, They Live. Yes. What's that? They Live was a Roddy, Roddy Piper movie. Yeah. Oh, nice. And he puts on glasses and he can see messages and signs and aliens Through the glasses and that's what my little Asian eyes are. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they live. It's a great movie It really is John Carpenter. I think did it

Yeah, how much I do we need like I don't see more when I open mine. Thank you for saying that out loud I just thought that I see see see yeah, what do you see litter box? Like do you see but I'm a criterion collection movie guy. You know, I. People think that I see things through letterbox. Yeah, what do you see? Like, do you see? Like, I'm a Criterion Collection movie guy, you know what I mean? No. We are IMAX and you are... I'm trying to... You're not IMAX, dude.

You're not IMAX. Dude, you don't see IMAX. That's good. You can see... If you're looking through, you can see the sky, fuck you. Yes, I can. I'm trying to see if I actually see less like you. I see just the same, and when I go like this, I don't see more stealing. I see if I actually see less like you. I see just the same.

And when I go like this, I don't see more stealing. I see less. You see less. I see way less. Yeah, yeah. Hey, don't. No, no, stop. Can you see further?

Look at him. I can see way further. Oh, so Asians can see further. Like a hawk, yes. Got it. Well, no, no, that's so they can see through you. They can see the real soul within you. They can see what's going on.

Yeah, we have that power, you know what I mean? Okay, go really concentrate and tell me what I got inside. Go. Inside what? Inside, like whatever Andrew was saying. Well I have to make- I feel like you're opening them. I make noises if I do it.

Oh yeah, you have to. That's fine. Ah-duck, ah-duck-un-duck, ah-duck-un-duck, ah-duck-un-duck. I feel like you're opening your eyes more. I feel like you're seeing less deep into it. No, no, no. You know, that's- Trust the process. Let me tell you something about, Guy, it. No, no. You know, that's- Trust the process.

Let me tell you something about it. Guy, let me tell you something about it. Right, ethnicities, right? We're the same. Yeah. And the type of person you are, you make it different. Yeah, I guess you're right. I see black, a black heart.

You saw a black heart in this guy? Yeah, and you have colon cancer. Oh my God. Dude, I shit a lot. Like, I wonder if that- Yeah. No, that's a good thing. You're the third guy. You're the third guy.

You're the third guy. Shitting less is bad. Shitting more is actually very good. Are you worried about that stuff as we get up there a little bit? As an old white, yeah. Like it is something that we should consider. Prostate, colon, all that stuff.

The only ones that I think you can snag for old white is prostate and colon. Those are the two you have to be able to snag. Old white, my dad just beat prostate cancer. Bobby's dad lived to be 104, didn't have any cancer. Yeah, no AIDS. We have never seen a Korean with AIDS. Isn't that funny?

They don't get it. Name me one Korean with AIDS. Can't do it. You can't think of it. Can't do it. No, wow, I can't. Exactly. That is crazy.

It's crazy, yeah. Is it like not over there? You don't even care about these like STDs and shit anymore. Like you're a married guy. It's like so far beyond. Oh yeah, he's on the move. Are you-

I got bumps all over my penis. Do you? Different mounds, different colors. Really? Yeah, yeah. It's a kaleidoscope. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Do you think about that? I pee green for some reason. You know, he's never been tested. Yes, I, yeah. Do you think about that? Do you really think? I pee green for some reason, you know. You know, he's never been tested. Yes, I have. Oh, really? Fuck. When?

When? Four months ago, I got tested. Four months? What happened? Dr. Cowart was serious. What made you want to get tested? What happened that made you want to get tested? I just thought he goes,

you think we should get tested? And I go, oh, yeah, I think we should. Oh, you'll speak back in the- Well, whenever an Asian does an accident, I'm respectful and I do the ag'll speak back in the show. Whenever an Asian does an accent, I'm respectful and I do the Asian accent. That makes sense. Can I ask you a question? I was watching a Larry David clip

where you were on the show and you used the accent. Did he ask you? Did he come to you and be like, can you fucking? Okay, so I'm gonna tell you about Hollywood. Yeah. Okay. So I got the role of a merchant of weapons. Okay.

But he was in LA. So I just called the director FaceTime and I go, But he was in LA. Yeah. So I just called the director of FaceTime and I go, since he's in LA, I don't think he shouldn't need, he goes, I want the accent. He said it to you. Yeah, and I go, yeah, but you know what I mean, if it was in Korea, maybe, I was talking to him in English,

I want the accent. You're telling me there's nobody in LA that's Korean that doesn't have an accent? I know, but what I'm saying is that why do I need one? So you don't like doing it? You find it's been- I'll tell you who fucked me up about it. Who?

John Cho. Oh, wow. The actor John Cho, yeah. Yeah, so one day I asked him- What number was he? Yeah. Three sixty-five. Okay.

Yeah, yeah, he was three sixty-five. All day. Ronnie Chang was two oh two. Wait. Yeah, so- John Cho is Hawaii Five-O? No, John Cho is, we did Harold and Kumar together. John Cho. Can we look up John Cho is Hawaii 5-0. No John Cho is we did Harlan Kumar together John Cho. Can we look up John Cho? Yeah, yeah, um, he was in the Star Trek movies at Sulu. I gotta be honest. Those Koreans are handsome. Some.

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save more, do more. Book with your local travel advisor or at sunwing.ca. That looks- He looks at me and I asked him, I go, we're on sets, I forgot what it was. And I go, you ever do accents? He goes, yeah, I don't do them. Do you get offered? Yeah, I just don't do them.

I go, why? He goes, I just don't think we need to. It's just an interpret thing. He goes, I'm fine that you do it cause you do a lot of broad comedies and I get it. But I just don't want to do it. And it made me feel shame about it. Why?

Because every role I get is an Asian accent. Hello, Mr. Johnson. Okay, the last five things you've done didn't have an Asian accent. Mr. Johnson. Game of Thrones, the random Asian. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wild walker coming.

Yeah, I mean, and they're like, yeah, I mean, you don't need an accent, but I don't know why I have one right now. You haven't done it in the last couple of films you've done. You didn't do it, you didn't do it, look at that. You didn't do it in the last thing you just did, Theo's movie, you don't have an accent. I do a Southern accent there.

That's even funnier. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey man, good. Drugstore June, no accent. No accent there. Sweet Dreams, no accent. Borderlands, no accent. Oh, the throwback, nothing. Drugstore June, no accent. Sweet dreams, no accent. Borderlands, no accent. The throwback, nothing.

Drugstore June, nothing. Magnum PI, nothing. No Magnum PI. Yeah, you're right. You're too famous, I think, to do the Asian accent now. Yeah. I feel like you're too known outside of these projects. What about reservation dogs?

Well, can you go zoom back? You were in reservation dogs? Yeah. Oh, I'm thinking of reservoir dogs. No. I was on reservation dogs. Mr. Oh, I'm thinking of reservoir dogs. No. Reservation dogs. Mr. Yellow. And I love that.

Good joke. That's so funny. That's so funny. Well, they should have had one. Yeah, Mr. Yellow. It's very funny. Too many white guys. What about you?

You're like a real thespian. I always say that. Oh, dude, I wish. I can't get any work. Wait, can you not? I feel like you're working all the time. Somebody's working with Matt Damon on a promo. Yeah, that was a promo.

This guy's in like real movies and stuff. You were great in that. Thank you, very kind of you. I do wanna say this, I saw that. That was so fun and I thought- So fun. Thank you. And then immediately I wanted to text you

and I didn't and go, how did this come together? I just asked him. You were like, dude, do this thing for me. And he was like, fine. He's just the nicest, coolest guy. I wish there was like a funny story around it, but he's just the nicest, coolest guy in the world. Can I say something a little derogatory

towards you right now, Andrew, if I may? Do you think I'm Jewish? Everybody thinks I'm Jewish. You seem it, but anyway. What is it about me that you would think that I'm a Jew? This is the first time I've seen your ankles. Oh really? Yeah.

So you don't watch my podcast a lot. Always ankles up. Every comment on Yeah, and they're watch my podcast. Yeah Always always ankles out there every little bigger than I would wish I've gained weight. It's this dad bud Buddy, you're still in great shape. Shut up. Yeah, so you're so handsome and talented. You didn't gain any guys That's my bad. You know who lost weight mango. Did he okay? No, he lost 15. Did you really you say notice? I look at that. I do. You can. I was the first album I ever bought. Really? Guns N' Roses?

A masterpiece I thought. Unbelievable. What was the first album you ever bought? The Velvet Underground and Nico album. Really? Yeah, at like 12. Wow. That was cool then.

What do you think mine was? Let me, I know Wendy's theme song. Hip hop. Okay. Oh, hip hop. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was gonna go Beethoven for you. What was your first album?

Beethoven? Oh, because of my age? Yeah, because you're an old fuck. Yeah, and I said Wendy's, you know what I mean, soundtrack. I get it. Because you have red hair. I get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, hip hop. Oh God, I don't know now. I can even give you the title track. Go. Bow Down. What is it? West Side Connection. That's the thing, I knew it was gonna be

something more obscure. You're like a real hip hop. Wait a minute, West Side Connect, that would be Bow Down, before we come to your town. That was like my favorite. Bow down. Do you ever hang out with him in social settings? Yeah.

Yeah, it's hard. He is the best social human being I've ever seen. Nobody can schmooze. Schmooooze like this guy. He's the best! He's the best at it! I want to learn from him! That's why he's always around the high people. Oh, I know, I know. Do we have a meeting at Sony today? And he's best friends with everybody, all the famous people. Whenever I see him on a golf course with somebody, at first I would see it. No, no, no, he knows it too. That's why you're watching. This is actually a good Whenever I see him like on a golf course with somebody at first I would I would This is actually

I'm glad that you've seen as well 100% we went to dinner once first of all never go to dinner with him I go this is what dinner is yeah, yeah, before you even sit down Yeah, somebody goes in TV goes. I'll be right back guys, and then he just goes table by table by table Yeah, like he's fucking Don Rickles just shaking Exactly, and then we're sitting there like assholes. Are you Sinatra? Andrew can we order you something? Yeah, do you want some yeah? Yeah. Yeah, get me whatever you guys get he gave me this He was yeah. Yeah, get me whatever you guys get we were meeting with Sony executives and he's telling the you know This happened. He's telling the group where he met certain people This is the first time I met any of these like Bill Clinton in like 2009 man

Remember you had that office over on this and this and this yeah, he's again man. It's a fucking with you for a while That's who you are okay. How are you? No, it's something This is a thing I have a hard, this is the thing. I have a hard time, like if there's somebody that like I really like or admire, it's very easy for me to talk to them. Yeah, yeah.

But it almost becomes like an interview. I'm like, really, I'm like, hey, you're really good at this thing and I want to know all about it and everything. You hang out with people in a way where they're like, they, you're acting like they find you cool. Yeah. Like, you know what I mean? Like they're kind of trying to win you over. You got to sell them on that you're acting like they find you cool. Yeah. Like, you know what I mean?

Like they're kind of trying to win you over. You got to sell them on that you're the one. Yeah. Sell them on you're the one. You're meeting me. I'm watching it. Yeah. So give me the, okay, I'm glad that you've also known it.

Praise the Lord. Put one down so we're on the same team. Yeah, please. Come on, your heart goes out. Make your heart go out. Doesn't your heart go, no. Did you get your Kanye shirt? Did we get those Kanye shirts?

Did they show up yet or no? We ordered a hundred of them. Alright. Okay. Hold on. That's funny. This is how you're like really hate that juice. Double, double down. He tells me, I can't get into the specificity of it. Okay, so tell me, tell me what is it like when you're, when you meet somebody who's like really famous.

Yeah. How are you making them feel so uncomfortable? Cause you know everybody wants their attention. Yeah. What is your, what is this social skill you've developed? Cause you know everybody wants their attention. Yeah. What is your, what is this social skill you've developed? I mean, this is going to sound awful. No, it's not. I'm fascinated, but I think it is a true characteristic.

I just don't. Crazy Lord. You know, you noticed this, right? Yeah, yeah. I just don't. Hallelujah. I don't care. I don't care to treat them other than a guy I just.

So you're just ball-busting. I just don't care. And if they're like, oh, I don't like that you're too Comfortable. Familiar, then I don't care. So you remove yourself. Then we're not cool. If I can't treat you like a human,

then I'm not fucking interested. So you're immediately, it's just like, The most famous people I've ever met, I treat them just like a fucking regular. And they probably love it because everybody treats them so weird. Yeah. And the fact that there's somebody who's treating them

like they're in high school again, there's a comfort that they have. I'll tell you the real trick, if you want the honest truth. If you want the honest truth, the reason I got. The reason. That's all we wanted.

The reason that I got. Well, first of all, I'll give context to what he's saying. We were in a meeting in Sony with one of my best friends in Los Angeles who got us the job. You're welcome, freebie. What's the job? What's the job? We're doing an animated show.

Yeah, we're doing an animated movie, sorry. But I will be honest, the reason that I did get comfortable in not caring about famous people is my first job in LA was on Punk'd. And I was so in my head all the time, all these celebrities would come to the studio, and at some point, I just stopped giving a fuck about trying to like, you know, oh my God,

so good to meet you, and all that stuff, because I was so worried about the bits. I didn't give a shit about the celebrity, and they didn't give a shit about me. So it's kind of this great equalizer of when I was young, I met all these famous people, and they didn't fucking give a fuck. I was a player on the show. I was a nobody.

And so I just kind of thought, I'm not gonna fucking kiss ass to these people. It didn't mean anything to me. So I never wanted to earn their friendship, because I didn't care't care and honestly I met them all when I was 25 years old That's when I met every famous person from pumped all Andrew man, I didn't give a shit. They didn't like me. Anyway, it was like I was a young broke day player I'm gonna give you some insight. Yeah, he's gonna be very mad about it. I love learning about you guys. Okay, man Yeah, I'm listening. All right when we go to the airport. Yeah, he acts as if he's gonna be very mad about it. I love learning about you guys. Don't get mad. I'm listening. All right, when we go to the airport,

he acts as if he's Jason Bourne, hat down, you know what I mean? Yeah. Right? Rifling, he's a star. Yeah. I mean, just see. I'm open haired, right eye, you know what I mean?

Say hi to everybody. Yeah. Right, this guy thinks he's fucking Ethan Hunt. Yeah. Someone wants that tension thinks he's fucking Ethan Hunt. Yeah. Someone wants that tension. Thank you. Someone wants that tension. I was waiting for a little backup. Fuck you, Spaniard. Fuck you, Spaniard. I'm acting normal.

Spaniard. Okay? So what I do is I wear a hat at the airport. I go sit down and I go relax and wait for my flight. This guy, Mosie's about, wants people. Oh, really? How did it turn to me? Is that Bobby Lee? This guy moses about That's what he wants so fucking bad Yeah, and I just want to chill have a coffee wait to get on my plane this guy He'll purposely toss it up his hair So it's fucking huge he'll go in and out of that fucking wh Smith or whatever that convenience stores can't he's good

Convenience you're not buying anything. It's a nice shit. I like to look at the Valley Ranchers. He moses. He moses until he's recognized. Correct. That's not what I do, Andrew. Fuck you, Vanity. Does it feel good? Does it feel good to be recognized?

What does it feel like? He fucking loves it. If it was sold in a can, he'd buy cases of it. Can you come sit over here? Come sit over here. Come hang out. Is this mic on? Is this mic on?

It will be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel so much more balanced now. Yeah, so here's the deal. I need you to back me up, okay? Okay. So here's the logic. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I want you to be your heart open. This outfit is subdued. This is not an attention-seeking outfit. Thank you, thank you. Thank you so much, dude. It is subdued, right? So this guy goes to the airport, he's wearing a bright pink beanie, a bright blue jacket,

he's carrying bags like he's David Tell, he's got like 30 bags around him. He loves people looking at him. And the one time you said to me, we weren't at the airport, I was just sitting there on a curb or something, and you turned to me and goes, I like your fashion. Yeah, I think it looks cool. So you know that I dress a certain way. You got great fashion. I think you look cool.

Undoubtedly. Yeah, so what I'm saying is that I don't dress differently in my regular life than the airport, okay? Secondly, this, I can't go into the convenience store? Yeah. Are you parched ever? Yeah. You want a bottle of water?

Yeah. Are you allowed to get one? Yeah. If somebody accidentally goes, yo, Andrew Schultz, are you attention seeking? You usually send Carlos to buy you stuff. That's right. Carlos has to go be the gofer and go get stuff.

Can you do an American accent? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's doing it right now. I don't feel like he even tries. Like, can you speak like us? Can you? I can't. Try.

Just give it a go. Say, hey, it's great to meet you, Andrew Schultz. Hey, it's great to meet you, Andrew Schultz. Hey, it's great to meet you, Andrew Schultz. He's a robot. Yeah. He's a Syrian. And Andrew, I want to say one last thing. Yes, please.

And this is truism. Yes. Okay. I have ozempic burps. I just took a shot. Don't. Are you doing the ozempic? Yeah, I did it like an hour ago.

So I'm getting a little nauseous. Oh, is that the weight loss? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Wigovie. Wigovie, I mean. Oh, wow. So check this out, okay. Many years ago. Is he really on it?

Yeah, I know that. What's the, how does that, what is that? I'm nauseous all the time, like I'm on chemo. Let's move on. Well, you're just getting ready for a couple of years down the road. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Prepping, stop.

What cancer would pop you that? If I do get cancer, dude, you're gonna feel bad about it. We're all gonna get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're all gonna get it. All right, so I was doing a radio show with Petrusha Neel. Ah, the legend.

In New York. And I was complaining about how Dr. Ken is getting everything at that time. Ah. Right? And he pulled me outside. When we were done, he goes, Yo, son. That's what he said.

Yeah. Ken Jeong said that? No, no, he wasn't there. And he just goes, you know, you and I are similar, right? I go, in what way? He goes, we don't know how to do that social shit. You know what I mean? We don't know how to bend or bridge the gap, right?

We're so insecure and so, we're comics, you know what I mean? That we can't go to a party and fake it and have this mask that some people wear, you know? That's about the only thing you and producer on the other have in common. That's it. Nice! Go sit in your chair.

Nice! I can't believe he's saying you're faking it. No, you don't. I don't think you fake it. No, I- I think you actually love those environments. I enjoy- I think it's a fun thing for you.

I think if it was work, you wouldn't do it. No, I enjoy talking to people who I talk to. There's some people I don't care to see ever again, but. I wanna talk about you for a second too. What I do, what I do. So the first time I met you was where? Montreal. Exactly.

Yeah, we had a lovely meal that you paid for, you're a gentleman. Yes, and at that moment I go, this kid is gonna go places. Oh wow. Because of the, just the, what your vision of what Hollywood's gonna be like was spot on, right?

And that what we're doing online is the future and all that stuff. And you said that many, many years ago. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And you were very kind that weekend. I will say that. You were the nicest. Yeah, because I'm a kind person. I think you are. I do think you are nicest. Yeah, because I'm a kind person. I think you are.

I do think you are. Admit that. I'm a kind person. I didn't make you feel insecure at all. Exactly, you don't. You were like the most confident, and you were so sweet. Like some people.

Do you think Andrew makes you feel insecure? Why does he make you feel insecure? Let me tell you another example, dude. Because he's so good socially. I'm taking it all day today. Yeah. I'm trying to compliment you. I'm trying to say how amazing you are. I'll tell you another thing, okay? He'll somehow, he'll spin it, dude. He's an evil. I'm not it all day today

He'll spin it dude easy evil I'm not a evil person little Korean spider Yeah, you know spin this whatever narrative he wants Yeah, I'm a clean spider web and he'll just spin it exactly. You don't have web spider monkeys. Anyway, yeah Yeah, longer or not. I put monkey on it. Okay. Yeah, okay That's how I feel what I want to say to you is okay, is I don't know what I was gonna say. Oh yeah, so this, I forgot what I was gonna say. Montreal, we met. We met at Montreal. Right, right, we connected.

And then- I thought I had good ideas about how the business would go. Right, and you were right on it, but you had a confidence about you, right, that was very, just confident, you know what I mean? And you fulfilled all those things. Yeah. You know what I mean?

All your dreams came true? So I kind of put you in his category in many ways. Ah. You know what I mean? I think he's better socially. Oh, I know what I was gonna say. That's not what I was gonna say, okay. I'm a social butterfly.

I'm an only child who loves to run into people. I had no, if you, I would never guess you're an only child. Well, I had a sister, but our gap was almost 10 years. So it was like, we didn't grow up together. Okay. My half sister, we were so, we're friends as adults. Were you like a cul-de-sac kid where like,

there's the neighborhood, you're talking to people on the block, like you were allowed to go outside your house? I sports all time, sports. He lived like the movie, The Wire. The Wire, yeah. Yeah, yeah, urban. Baltimore lived like the movie The Wire. The Wire, yeah. Yeah, yeah, urban. Baltimore, I was in three gangs when I was a kid. I got beat, I got jumped.

Well, no, you're being, jumping about about it, but didn't you have, did you live in like a- When I was a kid kid, and then when I was a, when I was a teenage, when I was in high school, we were in the suburbs. All right. But I, dude, I was, I wanted to be social all the time.

I could, I'm like my mom, I hate being home. I want to be out as much as possible. Oh, really? I wanted to be social all the time. I'm like my mom, I hate being home. I wanna be out as much as possible. I wanna go see people, I wanna go do shit. Homebody, I'm the antithesis of homebody. Really? Hate being at home. And you've got a beautiful home. Home is a place to sleep at night, that's it for me.

Really? I don't need to be, I don't even, dude, I don't give a fuck. I've never in my heart have ever had the need for like to make a house a home. Don't care. A house is just a place to keep my shit. That's nice, that's nice.

Anyway. I know what you're doing. I know what you're doing. I'm saying. You're leaving? Get him a water. Oh, there's one right by you, right by your foot. Right by your foot, okay.

No, I'm trying to say, I'm trying to say the truth is I don't, home is a place to sleep. Home is a place to sleep. I don't care about it. I mean. Great job. Well, I mean, I'm just to say the truth is home is a place to sleep. Home is a place to sleep? I don't care about it. I mean, great job. Well, I mean, I'm just telling him something. God, there's rage in your eyes.

No, no, I'm just, you're stepping on me. I'm telling a truth. Oh, I'm sorry. But no, go do some of your bullshit. Tell me about how you're like Patrice O'Neil. The greatest, fuck, one of the greatest comics of all time. Tell me how similar you are to that guy. Go ahead, tell me that fucking,

tell me that bomb story that you told over there oh you're keep fucking bombs story what do you mean getting personal you're shooting at me bring put your gun up there I don't have a gun well then fucking I have a flower then get off the rain the flower in your gun off the rain right like the fucking 60s right right you do he steps in front of a tank and in surprise that we want to run him over yeah but for peace and love well don't get in the way of a tank yeah, anyway Fuck it's not even funny dude. Oh, no you know what I'm not even gonna say what I Will say my point it's not funny. It's another observation. Oh go ahead so wham the band yes, okay?

Yes, we're the band Wham. Oh, so the Wham broke up. I thought that was the first half. Why did the Wham break up? Why? Egos. Egos. Yes, that all happened.

Every band happens ego. I understand this philosophy. But you guys never have that issue. We never have, do you know why? Why is that? I give him majority of the power. Yes, I do. I give him 60% of the daughter.

When he says power, you know what we're trying to say? Responsibility? Work, responsibility, yeah. Jobs. Yeah, yeah. I give him all of the work and I just mosey on in. So that I don't break up the band. It's out of love for you.

You didn't even bring the instruments. We had to bring them for you. I know, because it's a cyber age now. This guy shows up to practice like, did anybody tune my shit? Yeah. We have a garage band now like, did anybody tune my shit? Yeah, we have a garage band now. What do we need instruments for? But anyway-

No, I'll tell you why this band is so good. Tell me, tell me, yeah. For real. Be honest, because I thought what I said was kind of honest, but- Now, why do you guys think you've had so much success for so long? Well, I think because our love is,

I said it before, no matter what we say to each other, there's love beneath all of it anyway. It's like I love- You can say the craziest shit. I love him so much. It doesn't matter, I don't care. The truth be this, okay? If I may.

Yeah. Okay? And I'm not attacking you. I'm not attacking you. I love you so much, right? Oh, dude. All right, so. Good.

Okay. There's a flower in there. Brrr, go. Okay, so.... Good. Okay. There the really deep depressions. Really? Yeah, yeah, it's really bad. It's like clinical almost. No, not almost, it literally is. It is literally clinical. Oh, no way.

He literally shuts down, and he doesn't say anything all day long, and sometimes he needs to drift away. So you isolate big time. Yeah. Yeah, if I'm in a bad mood, I just go away. So if I went, what the fuck's your problem? That would cause a riff.

So I let him be him, and then when I'm going through my stuff, he lets me be me. I lift him up. I have a story about him doing that with you. What? I remember you were going through, no, you were going through a really hard time, and I remember I was just talking to you

and I was checking in with you about something, and then you were, yeah, you were just saying that you were, I don't know if you had relapsed or something like that, I forget exactly what it was, but you were just saying that he was going through a really hard time and that you guys needed to be, I was really sweet, you're like, you have to let him go through these things,

you gotta be there for him and ultimately he's gonna pull himself through it, we just gotta love him through it. Yeah. That's amazing, thank you so much. And I know that you're being sarcastic right now, but that is a beautiful thing from a friend Yeah, don't fuck don't fuck our guys. Fuck you. I was being sincere. I don't know. I don't know It's hard for him to be it is it is a little hard. Let me do it again. Then all right do it again

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Why are you thanking me? Thank you so much. Yeah. I forgot what the part was. You know what I mean? Thank you. Do you have conflicts with India? See?

Do you have conflicts with India? He? Do you have conflicts with India? He really doesn't care. Ask me a question you really care about. Yeah, do you have conflicts with India? Yes, with India, the country I have. No, no, no. You're talking about Akash. Oh, all the time, for sure.

But that's my homie, that's my day one, so you get through it. Akash. Yeah, actually very rarely though. He stopped texting me for a while. Why? Because I never returned. Because you didn't respond to him.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, were you going through something? No. He ghosted him on some shit. I'm weird about Indians. And Akash was upset about it. Aw, was it reasonable that he was upset? Yeah, yeah, he ghosted him.

He just never responded. But that's not because of a personal thing. If he doesn't understand that, that's his problem. Yeah, what? Have I ever texted you back? Yeah. Every time. Every time.

Yeah. You're a Every time. Yeah. You're a big star. That's fair. I'm not saying you're number one on the call sheet. That's right. Does Bobby treat more famous people differently? Oh my fucking God. Really?

Brother. Here we go, brother. You know who doesn't do that? Who? That Santino guy. That's right, baby. Dude, he sucks. That's who doesn't do that.

This guy, when we see somebody, when we're with somebody who's famous. What does he do? Dude, dynamically changes things. Tell me what. He puts, what? It hides too, eventually. He puts on a show and then he disappears

because he doesn't want them to over-analyze. Oh, so it's like kill and then get out of there? 100%, kill him. So, the one example. He kills and he gets the fuck out of there. Because you're like, I'm gonna fuck this up. Yeah, like, so Michael Bay, the director. Oh, let me tell the story.

No, let me tell it, my story. Go ahead. God. Hold on, let him open it up. Let him open it up. I'll let him tell the story first. Michael Bay, Michael Bay's wife is a huge Bobby Lee fan. Is like in love with Bobby Lee.

And so she convinced Michael A, to listen to the show and then B, to start coming to see us live, right? So Michael and his wife have come to the comedy store a few times. That's a big deal. Yeah, and they come because Bobby Lee is, they cannot get enough. So the last time Michael Bay came,

the last, thank you, Carlos, for a little spit cup. Guy who goes to WH Smith at the airport. The last time Michael Bay came to the Comedy Store, me and him are back to back tag teaming, and it's a great hot night. And he's in the green room, I get off stage, he's with Michael Bay and his wife, who I do not know, I'm not familiar with them, I've said hello,

and I get off stage, and what do you do? Go ahead, take it away, kid. Can I take over the story? Yeah, I'm not familiar with them. I've barely, I've said hello and I get off stage and what do you do? Go ahead, take it away, kid. Can I take over the story? Yeah, I just fucking gave it to you. Okay, thank you. God. I don't like your energy right now, tone it down.

No, go ahead. Okay. So he comes, right? And it's always. Santy. Santy. So we're in the green room, in the main room, in the bathroom part.

In the private, in like the other part. In the private part, right? He sits down and it's always like, World War II, right? They're attacking. You're, you know what I mean, a convenience store owner. You're still a merchant guy. Yeah, but it's a rule that, you know what I mean? They explain me the history of LA culture.

He's pitching him a role. Right. Right? Right. I get so discombobulated. Yeah, that's right. Is that the right word? That is now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Discomb a role. Right. Right? Right. And I get so discombobulated. Yeah, that's right. Is that the right word? That is now.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Discombobulated. Yeah. I go, I need to fucking do, pass. And I pass Michael Bay to him. He literally grabs me and goes, dude, come in here. Come in here. And then what I do?

I walk into the room and he disappears. To get the other guy. So then I'm in there with Michael Bay and his wife. And then I get Bill, I'm getting Bill Burry ready to be the tag. I will give credit, let me give credit where credit is due. As soon as Bill walked in, I was like, fuck yeah, I can get out of here. I did that for you.

Because Michael and his wife, I don't know them well, and I was also like, they're wanting to talk to him. I'm this interim thing that he's like. So now they're pitching his role to you? No, no, no. Now it's more like, so how's comedy? I'm like, fuck. Oh, fuck. It was so. Yeah, it's fucked. And it's just because they want to you? No, no, no. Now it's more like, so how's comedy? I'm like, fuck. Oh, fuck.

Yeah, it's fucked. And just because they want to talk to him, but he's so uncomfortable, he throws on me. When I saw Bill walking, he's like, what's up, dude? I was like, I was fucking gone. I'm the one that sent the bill. So that was very nice. I said Michael Bay really wants, it was just a lie.

But he gets nervous. No, I lied. He gets uncomfortable, yeah, he lied. And then Michael Bay was like, what are you doing? So you alley-ooped. I alley-ooped. You alley-ooped to Bill Burr. Bill can't touch the net.

But Michael Bay doesn't want it. He doesn't want it, dude. Oh. But they start hitting it off. And I just went into the Hollywood. And guess who got the convenience store role in World War II? Bill Burr.

Ken Jeong. He lost. No, no, I can't. When does Ken Jeong get it? So what I do, and this is the difference between him and I, whereas I'm not comfortable. Like he's invited me like, hey Lee, I go, Michael. He goes, come over to Thanksgiving.

There's no way I'm gonna go over there for Thanksgiving. Oh, it's that close. So I don't show up. They love him. Yeah, yeah. His wife and Michael are like in love. Invited me to Super Bowl. I go, I'm going to Miami, which I was. Are you familiar with his work? Yeah, I love it.

Yeah, he's a prolific filmmaker. I love his movie. They're like just action packed fun. He couldn't go to Michael Bay's thing for the Super Bowl cause he had to go with his work. Yeah, I love it. Yeah, he's a prolific. I love his movie. They're like just action packed fun. He couldn't go to Michael Bay's thing for the Super Bowl cause he had to go with Jake Paul. You had to go Jake Paul to do? To his Super Bowl party in Miami. He flew to Miami for that.

He's trying to dumb that one down. So you were so busy at the Super Bowl. Couldn't shoot that week by the way. We couldn't shoot the show cause I'm sick. Oh, you're sick? What'd you do the next morning? Went to Miami with Jake Paul. Why didn't you get him tickets to the Super Bowl?

I worked. Was it a Super Bowl party? I worked like a shill. At his house. I did a job. What were you doing? In Vegas, I did a job. I took a check.

You were acting? I took a check. I was doing a thing with Brian Erlacher to like, it was like a, yeah. Who's Brian Erlacher? Ex-NFL player. Exactly. What the fuck does that even mean?

You mean? Big time, big time. He's big time. and then he's on the Celtic court front seat I saw who gets that Jack Nicholson and this guy Celtic I wouldn't believe getting the I would be saying that because of the departed yeah Nicholson's really whitey pole And Matt Damon right right Leo right they go to And Leo, right? They go to the Celtic court, right? They only go to Celtic states. In Boston, right?

I couldn't get in the building. I don't believe it. And if I do, I'm the top row with the hand, with the finger. I don't believe it. You're going, rah rah rah! You know what I mean? Thank you, by the way.

Thank you so much. I don't believe that to be true, yeah. I'd have to buy a ticket, there's no connections I have, and that's the truth. Do you think that they feel a little bit like, what's that term, like a negged or whatever? Like they're trying so hard to, you know, have you be part of their friend group

and you're rejecting it so much. No, I know, that's insane. That's crazy, that's crazy talk. Validate that. Is that kind of what happens? Be real, Carlos, or I'll get mad. No, don't use that as- Like a fear in headlights.

No, because you're gaslighting him right now. Let him answer his own fucking question. Does he try, what Schultz just said, does he try, when people are like, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba, does he try to push away from that? Yeah, because the more famous you are on the show, the faster he'll come back here and hang, something he never does.

Exactly. Yeah, but you push away. I don't push away. You push away. I escape. Okay. Two different things. Okay, dude, you get it. You know what I mean? Let me ask you something.

If you were in Auschwitz, would you be digging holes? Oh my it. You know what I mean? Let me ask you something. If you're in Auschwitz, would you be digging holes? Oh my God. Wait, what? I think that's the wrong term for that. If you're in a Japanese internment camp. There it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's it.

If you're on a Japanese internment camp, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd be the Japanese going, I have to be. Do you know how they made sure they were just Japanese in there? They looked at the penises? No. Okay, that's what I did.

But I was asking a friend of mine who's like, parents were, no grandparents were in the camps. George Sakai, who was it? Japanese dude. Okay. And I was just like, how did they, cause I feel back in the day it was a little more loose, right?

Oh yeah. And they kind of... Round them up. In there. Oh you think there's a guy there going, I Chinese. Well, wouldn't you? Hello, there going I Chinese well wouldn't you? Right, maybe by the way, that's a great movie an escape story

Chinese It's just a Korean guy being super racist to other Asian He doesn't even have an accent. Right. But he survives, you know what I mean? By Pearl Harbor. You know what I mean? I-Chinese.

I-Chinese, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then when he's older, maybe the LA riots. I-Chinese, he's an old man, I-Chinese. It gets out of all of them. It's a whole, it's an epic. Tell us what your guy said. So I asked him, I was like, how did they figure it out?

They must've just lumped them all in there, like whatever. Probably the last names, Andrew? No, well, how would that matter? And they would, yeah, what are you talking about? They also probably wouldn't ask their fucking name. No, they're just looking at you and you look fucking Japanese and they throw you in.

What's your name? I'm Frank Wong. Sounds good, get in there. No, no, no, no, I wouldn't do that. No, get in there, that's what I'm doing. They wouldn't do that. They absolutely wouldn't do that. Dude, look at me, I'm border proj-

No, okay. Hey, what's your name, pal? Excuse me, can I ask a quick question? Yeah. Right? Yeah. What the fuck I do here? Oh, oh, oh.

You're with the other Japanese guys. Go, get in line. But, listen to what you're hearing, right? I'm Chinese! Prove it. Zip. This guy's Chinese. That's how it would go.

I would show my name. So he goes, oh yeah, they just spoke to him in other Asian languages and if they couldn't speak back, they knew that they were Japanese. Oh wow. And I'm like, whoa, that is way easier. That's way easier. That's like the easiest thing.

Oh wait, because the Japanese knew English? No, they would speak to the Japanese guy in Korean and if he couldn't speak back, they'd be like, oh, that's a fucking right and left. Oh wow, that's a good, clever way of doing it. Yeah, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's a fucking wrong question. Oh, wow, that's a good, clever way of doing it. Yeah, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we were just rounding you up.

Yeah, yeah. But what if it's like a Japanese Santino or giving the job to round up all the Japanese, and you're like, this is gonna be fucking easy. It's not easy. Yeah, but my argument against that is there was something, because Japanese have been part of America for so long. A lot of them didn't even speak Japanese.

Yeah, that's all they did. Yeah, some of them were second generation Asians. Dude, my friends' parents didn't speak Japanese. Yeah, that's all yeah Some of our second-generation Asians dude my friends parents didn't speak Japanese And then only it stopped like they stopped entirely yeah, cuz that's how you end up and that's what happened to George Takai Yeah, George Takai he right as a kid. Yeah, right. He was Japanese though. He was in a camp as a kid They got it right. Yeah, they nailed it. He got star trek right then. Yeah, they got a star trek. I think it's even well We gave him Star Trek to make up for what we did. That's the reparation.

Yeah, that's your 48. TV star, that's good. 40 episodes, that's what he got, 40 episodes. 40 episodes on a mule. Let me ask you about the baby. Yes, talk to me. How many do you have now? Yeah, I got one.

Still one. I was talking to Kalyla earlier today. It's never enough. And I asked her. It's never enough. It can't just be. Endless bucket. Congrats on what?

Yeah. Call him when you get to finish. Congratulations. Yeah, thank you, oh thank you, yeah. I what. Call him when you get to finish. Congratulations. Oh, thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think we're past that. Yeah, yeah. You know how I feel about it.

Yeah, how do you feel? I don't like it. Yeah. Yeah. I hate it. He is a bully. He's really good at bullying. I'm not a bully.

Thank you. And it's darts. Thank you. It's insane. You're dangerous to him. Fuck you, it's insane. Because you're so fun and silly and then it's just a fucking sniper shot.

Yeah, even this right here. Whatever that move was. Yeah, it was me deflecting. Don't do this, Carlo. He's trying to troll you right now. Oh, that feels like we're just piling on. Bro, I don't never stick a penis in my butthole. No, no, that's not what it is.

Anyway, let's just move off. No, when they put it, when a girl puts on a dildo and they fuck you from behind. No. What's that called? Fun Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah when a girl puts on a dildo and they fuck you from behind No, what's that call fun? It's a fun time. Oh, yeah, yeah fun time at the work is your baby the love of your life. Yes, it's undoubtedly It's every cliche you could ever imagine it almost like I understand like why? Comics do the joke about like how annoying their kids are yeah And it's because it's the only take that is counter what we all feel.

Exactly. You know what I mean? You know how you could take the other angle, like we all do this comedically, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. How I take the angle that's not there and then find a way to justify it. The feelings you have for your kid

are so unbelievably hacky. Yeah. That you feel unoriginal. Like it's every possible cliche. Wow. In our whole life we're trying to have a unique take about things and then you look at the kid and you're like, oh, my kid is the best laugh ever. And it is.

And I wonder if it's just for me. Do you have a son or a daughter? I have a daughter. It's made up of your DNA. So it does something. It must biologically do something. The chemicals do something for you. It's unbelievable.

Well, because it's like when you meet someone who has an ugly baby. Yeah. They don't know that shit. They have no idea. Oh, I'm so glad you said that. And that's chemical. That's chemical.

They really don't fucking know. I'm so glad, because I've seen some Uggos. Yeah, yeah. We have a friend that has an ugly baby and, you know. Tight on the way out though, they say that. Oh yeah. What's tight on the way? The pussy?

Yeah, because the baby's head kind of gets- It's smushed. Yeah. It's a compliment to the wife to have an ugly baby. My wife had a C-section, so it was fucking- Game up, man. Game up. You know what?

Why can't they just go feet first? Like a slide. Bro, bro, bro. The funniest thing about anatomy. Why can't they just go feet first? Yeah, yeah. Hey, can you come out feet first? Babies are upside down, you know that, right?

I know, but- You're gonna flip them in there? Hear my thinking, dude. Get tongs in there can you come out feet first? Yeah, yeah. Babies are upside down, you know that, right? I know, but can you- You gonna flip them in there? Hear my thinking, dude. Get tongs in there like you're barbecuing? Yeah, I'll walk, I'll do the whole thing. Walk, walk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Walk that baby.

Yeah, fried noodle it. Yeah. But what I would do is, because when the feet comes out in the body, it stretches the vagina. No, the head does that. The head does. And then the shoulders do that.

But you wanna loosen it up. If you put head first, it stretches the vagina. No, the head does that. The head does. And then the shoulders do that. But you want to loosen it up. If you put the head first, it's tighter. If you put feet out first, it'll loosen it up, no? I get your point. Okay, good. Man, they should, I can't believe you're not a doctor. Like what were they thinking not hiring you? I don't know the, I don't know, I'm not messing with them.

No, I'm saying like, that's the answer. You think like fucking all these years of medicine. Okay, fine. God. Do you want kids, Bobby? It's the answer. You think like fucking all these years of- Okay, fine. God. Do you want kids, Bobby? It's the biggest insult to an Asian guy is to say he's not doctoral. Yeah.

Yeah. You just don't have it in you, man. I do want them. Yeah? One. Okay. And I will have one. Good.

Yes, you will. I got to find the person though. You'll be a great papa too. And that's, it's difficult. It's been difficult, Andrew. What's your thing? You get behind it. Yeah, I get behind the condom. I'll be a great papa too. And it's difficult, it's been difficult, Andrew. What's your thing? You get behind it. Yeah, I get behind the condom.

I mean, I don't do it reverse. Are you saying hit it from behind? Yeah, like are you, I feel like. You think I stick the fucking condom in my butthole and do it from behind? Yeah. What are you talking about? I think you stick in your butthole and then you hold your nose closed

and then you sneeze and blow it up. Like I'm losing my breath. No. Bobby has a tail. Look at Bobby's tail. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, okay, I'll try that next time. But I did, but a lot of times,

women are like, I know you enough. What position, what position? I think you get behind it. I don't, my knees burn. Yeah, you got bad knees. That's really rude. What do you mean? Because I have short legs. Okay. And the women that I date are much my knees burn. Yeah. You got bad knees. That's really rude. What do you mean? Because I have short legs.

Okay. And the women that I date are much taller than me. Oh, so they're- Four or five. Their pusses are at eye height. Yeah, so then they have to do a squatty thing too, and we're all burning thighs. You know what I mean?

And it's like, I'll do like 10, and then I'll go, hey, you wanna switch back to the missionary? That's the one I'm good at. The problem is he counts, he'll go one, two, three, four. Oh, you're going out loud. I do raps. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I got two more sets in me. Yeah. What's your position? I think on my back. I think I like laying down. The cowgirl. Yeah, yeah. Lovely.

That's fun. Lay it down. That's so fun. We've been doing the work for so long. Let them do something. Also, they have to finish. Yeah. And that's the position I can control the best.

But here's the thing that they do, I don't understand this. Yeah. The hula hoop strategy. Tell me about that. They get on it. Yeah. Instead of going up and down.

They go around. They think they're in a luau. Can I tell you why? They think they're in a luau and it's twisting your thing, you know what I mean? I think Andrew's got an interesting opinion as to why they might do that, yeah. No, no, no.

I know what you're implying. What, what? And fuck you, dude. No, no, I know. You're saying I don't have the length? I didn't say that at all. Sanpino had an opinion. I never had to slip out when it does up and down.

Yeah, yeah. Not the length, man. What is it? What is it? They want you to be, they want to hit the sides. They want you to feel the sides and you're- Skinny. You're skinny. You do have a skinny penis. Oh, wow. You do have a skinny penis.

It's not small, but it is skinny. So it's just kind of like bouncing. It's like an udon noodle. It's one of those cars, those guys are the cars. Yeah. And they need to shake it around and hit the side. Yeah. You know how like grass, the breeze?

Yes. You frolic through grass. Yeah. It's kind of like that, my penis. Really, yes. You frolic through grass? Yeah. It's kind of like that my penis. Really? Yeah, just frolics. Just frolics. And with the wind, you know what I mean?

No, but tell him. But the leg is there. Tell him what the last girl said. She said you had what? Boyfriend penis. Boyfriend penis. Which is, they say that's really good. She said, explained boyfriend penis,

she goes, not the smallest, it's not small, but it's not like this big, unmanageable, it's like a boyfriend, it's a dick that I could have sex with in perpetuity. Forever. Wow. I said, that's a huge boyfriend, it's a dick that I could have sex with in perpetuity. I said, that's a huge compliment. That is a great compliment. Boyfriend penis is great. And who is this girl?

She's gone. Yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Delete, delete, delete. She said I was worthy. Just pull up the cord. No, Andrew, okay? Many women have said it. Yes. That have, perfect, perfect. Maybe you have a great thick

and you've been catfishing us, or no, gaslighting us. I'm being real for a second. Ian Fieden saw it. You showed it to me and I was, what is it called? Like I was impressed because of how low an expectation you made me have.

That's what you gotta do. You gotta downplay. He puts the bar real low. And it's on 80 every day and I was like, I don't know what that, you know what I mean? I like you. And then when they see it they go, oh it's Boyfriend. It's smart, it's a smart play.

It's a smart move. That's a fucking move. He tells everyone, you're not gonna like me, I'm a small dick. And then they get in it they go, oh, it's boyfriend. It's smart. It's a smart play. It's a smart move. That's a fucking move. He tells every girl, you're not gonna lie man, a small dick. Yeah. And then they get in there like, what? This is great. Santino looks like he's got a fucking thing on him.

He does, actually. No, you do look like you got a thing. That's why you can talk to celebs, is you're looking at them like they got little... Dude, you have a big one. You have a big one, no? What? No.

Born stars have your body cut. I got boyfriend dick, dude. Oh, you do? I got husband dick. I got girlfriend dick. Ian Finan saw mine in the spa. Oh, really? And he can judge. He also has bad vision.

Ah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When things blur, they widen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he even said, it's so cute. That's mean. Yeah. I think it's a compliment.

I think it's a dick. I think it's a sitcom penis. Yes, oh, yeah. Like a test well. I'm here. It's a test well. It it's a different. I think it's sitcom penis. Yes. Oh, yeah. Yeah, like a test well I'm here You know me like if it was in a sitcom they're like people like oh, they like it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. It's Pixar or whatever Yeah, yeah, yeah nemo Not nemo not nemo Dory not Dory. No, no, no, I don't really know

What's that big white blob of a you know, what I mean, the robot, inflatable white? Oh, that one, oh yeah. That guy. Oh, Big Hero 6. It could be Big Hero 6. Yeah. The presence that that carries, you carry. Yeah.

You carry love, warmth, happiness. Can we talk about this for a second, though? Yeah, sure. It's something I've thought about, okay. Yeah. How long has marriage been a thing in human race? Since the beginning of it. Yeah, since the beginning. No, 5,000 years.

Okay. For 4,300 years. Yeah, so 4,300 years. Were human beings around before that? Yeah. For how many years? A lot. Probably thousands of years.

Thousands more. More, maybe, it could be a million. Maybe millions. Right? We don't know. What the fuck did they do that in a million years? They got married. No, they didn't.

You don't think? No, they were nomads. Well, you still got married You just know no you would go go to a village or a dwelling Yeah polygamy was common throughout history cousin marriages remain common throughout the world particularly in the Middle East Yeah, still to this day. You can marry your cousin out there. Look at Akash I love him. He's so talented. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. So fucking our goal is to make our conscious wife, the biggest tick tock. She's so hot. Yeah. And she's beautiful. She's great. She's not too,

but my goal is to remove all the leverage he has in his relationship. That's so so she's making way more money. Is she in the business or no? No, she's just on tick tock, but we're trying to make her a TikTok superstar. What's her TikTok? Just lean with it. Yeah. What's her TikTok?

Just lean with it. She's on TikTok. Just lean with it. Just lean with it. TikTok, let's see what the TikTok is. There it is. Just lean with it. Yeah.

There we go. And how many subscribers does she have? I mean, it would make me feel really good for her to surpass Akash and fame. But why? Ask yourself the question why. Cause it's funny. Yeah, we like to see our friends suffer.

Yeah, what the fuck? Yeah, that's just the point. What do you think this whole show is? Yeah. All right, there we go. There she is. Yeah, there she is. Wow.

How are you guys doing? I'm here on Valentine's Day. No. No. No. No. Dead on. Dead on.

The second I said it, I was like, this is a horrible idea. Jessalyn, I'm trying to build you up, okay? So are we. We're trying to build you up. So are we. All the bad friends. Jessalyn, I'm trying to build you up, okay? We're trying to build you up. All the bad friends following Jessalyn on TikTok. Wow. There she is. Get ready for my first Rolex.

Have you guys ever had lucky charms in the morning, man? I'm getting a charm on my wrist. Rolex, man. Talk about Akash. No, it's the same accent. All right, so. She is beautiful. Let's follow her, everybody. And Akash, we love you, my dog. We love you right, so. She is beautiful Akash. Let's follow her everybody.

And Akash, we love you my dog. We love you, my dog. Love you Akash. My dog. No, we love you so much. What I'm saying is that is it human nature to be with one person for the rest of your life? Yeah, yeah, it's, well marriage for sure.

Being with someone. Having a partner for the rest of, I don't know if it's genetically. I think that we assume that it's supposed to be perfect for your whole life. It's not a natural state, but it's a social construct that I think has clung to many people.

And benefited us. It wouldn't still be here if it didn't help us as a society. We'd shit up. Or help some people, right? Like this, in the same way that like. I'll tell you why it happened. Yeah. Well, Santino's married.

I know a little bit about- And we don't have kids. I know a little bit about history. In the same way that like, I think it would make me very happy to have kids. If we don't have them, it's okay. So to me, it's kind of like that same thing. If some people don't get married,

I know that they're like, I'm okay with it. Yeah. I think it just services people who it services. But you're glad that you have a partner. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm glad I have somebody that like is along for the ride, up and down, because it's all the above. I think the mistake that was given to people socially

is like marriage is this perfect, wonderful thing. And you're gonna be happy every single day. You're like, that shit is work, bro. You're gonna have crazy downs, you have crazy ups. Are you always attracted to them though? Yes. I find her attractive. Yes.

But you're not always like in a, it's not like a fucking. It's not a state of horniness here in every second, but you find them beautiful. Yeah, that's different. You're in love with this person. I watched a documentary called Civilization. Yes.

Yeah. Okay, so we're nomads for many, many years. Yeah. Okay. As soon as we had, we can grow crops. Yes, wheat. Wheat. Yes. And it's, we made settlements. Yeah. And that's when the can grow crops. Yes, wheat. Wheat. Yes. And we made settlements.

Yeah. And that's when the marriage thing came. That's right. Right. When we could afford them. I don't know. As soon as we built up enough equity, then we were like, okay, I have stuff if you need it.

But I think it was harder to do as a nomad to keep a relationship. Well, yeah, yeah, I mean, in the word nomad. I'll see you whenever. But we still need to make the kids and we still need to protect them. Yeah. Oh, that's true.

Gotta protect them. Okay. I mean, that's probably why it was built. Yeah, for community and protection and yeah. And also to pass down like assets and shit. That's what all the marriage was, I think, in like the royal family. 100%.

Like, how do we keep all this land within this. I believe it's supposed to be true then. Yeah. You believe in it. Yeah, I sometimes I's supposed to be true then. Yeah. You believe in it. Yeah, sometimes I think about maybe it isn't. If you never meet someone and never have a family, who would you bequeath all of your assets to? Like any money you've earned or a house that you bought.

Oh, if I had no woman? If you had no one and you were on your way out. If my mom's still alive or she dead? Everybody's dead. Everyone's dead. My brother not. Dead. Steve's younger.

He's dead now. I just couldn't. Yeah, yeah. No, what? If Steve's still alive, brother not. Dead. Steve's younger. He's dead now. I just couldn't. Yeah, yeah. No, what, what? If Steve's still alive, probably most to him. And then the rest two? If you're still alive, I'll give you some. Okay, that's nice.

Okay. Shulte. Yeah. I love you. I love you, man. It's always fun with you. I love hanging with you. It's so fun with you.

Yeah, you guys are great. Yeah. Shulte has a special. Yes, yes. That's a Netflix special. Yeah. It is called Life. Yeah. Chulte has a special. Yes. That's a Netflix special. Yeah. It is called Life. Yeah.

It is his life. I saw him run it. Well, run pieces of it, I guess, in Phoenix. When we were in Phoenix together, I saw it. Oh, that was my first weekend. I know, I saw that. Yeah. It's kind of cool watching you peel it.

And now I know it's dramatically different than what I first saw. Sure, sure. But incredible as usual. Can I ask you some questions? Because I'm doing one now. Yeah, please. Where are you doing it?

This is like a big. Hulu. Hulu. Shout out Hulu. We both did Hulu. I know you did Hulu. We left. So I've never done one.

Yeah. There's a lot of expectations on it. And that's what I'm worried about. Yeah, of course. Cause I have never done one. You've built it up so much. I feel like they want to see the best. Yeah. And I can only just do what I can do. much. I feel like they wanna see the best. Yeah.

And I can only just do what I can do. I think you just gotta do what you do. Yeah, yeah. I don't think, again, what he just talked about, you cannot care what they're thinking about. There are gonna be people that hate it, and there are gonna be people that love it. I would argue a very, very small percentage of people

are not gonna like it. Yeah. Remarkably small. But those people, there will be people that don't even watch it that hate it. Yeah, sure, yeah, right. They just decided they're gonna hate it. Yeah, what do you think of to watch a Bobby Lee special? Fuck that. Yeah, they're gonna it that hate it. Yeah, sure, yeah, right. They just decided they're gonna hate it. Yeah, what do you think I'm gonna watch that Bobby Lee special?

Fuck that, yeah, they're gonna hate it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's gonna be a natural thing, but at the same time, just do what you wanna do. This is what I'm gonna do. Yeah. I'm gonna do it, and then I'm gonna disappear. Yeah.

Oh, that's good too. I'm gonna Ari Shafir it. I love how Ari does it. But we're still gonna do the pod. We'll bank it. Thanks. Because I want two weeks. Where are you gonna go? I'm gonna go to Costa Rica. We'll bank it because I want two weeks. Where are you going to go? I'm going to be to go to Costa Rica.

Don't you think after you shoot a special, you should have some time off? Yeah. Yeah. OK, what do you got? You got to promote it for a little bit after it comes out. Not everybody. No. Why can't I just do it before? Because, you know, with streaming, I think it matters after it comes out. Yeah, that's right.

OK, then I'll do for a month of promoting and then I'll go to cluster Also, I think that we all got a root for Hulu Yeah I think we got a roof over who and root for Amazon because like the more places that are doing stand-up the better It is for stand-ups good for all of us You know what I mean? Like cuz now there's competition if it's just one place they could just go here's this amount of money and you got to take it That's what I felt from the other company

Interesting. Yeah, I mean they didn't get that number that you wanted. No, they never offered. Yeah, that's not true That is 100% true. I imagine once you got an offer from Hulu there was interest for it was I didn't get I didn't Literally hear that but you know, I didn't know when are you taping? When are you taping? I just did it Yeah, I'm doing in December. Okay, cool. Where are you doing it? San Diego did it. He just did it. I'm doing it in December. Okay, cool. Where are you doing it? San Diego. Where? Balboa Theater.

I love the Balboa Theater. So good. Go watch Life on Netflix. Please. Please watch it. Enjoy our friend as much as we do. Andrew, look in that camera and say thanks for being a bad friend. Thank you so much for being a bad friend.

That's great. Aw, man.