Bad Friends - Life Of Poon

Starting point is 00:00:00 You'll flip for $4 pancakes at A&W. Wake up to a stack of three light and fluffy pancakes topped with syrup. Only $4 on Now. Dine in only until 11am at A&W's in Ontario. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? Who? White dude and Asian dude. You two are disgusting. You two are something. You two are something.

Starting point is 00:00:26 We're bad friends. How do I not get a call from any of you saying, hey, we are doing a show. It's official. Because we're scared. What do you mean, oh, the cartoon? Because it's 30 years away. We tell the people in our ecosystem first

Starting point is 00:00:42 and then we go outside of that like the mailman. And then after those guys, then you hear. Yeah, then you hear. You hear about third. Mailman, third cousins, right? I've never heard it in the- I got a student of mine to text me, hey, I saw this in the press, congratulations on the show.

Starting point is 00:00:56 Well, let me tell you something. We didn't know that they were gonna put a release out that day, they were asking us about it, called Bobby six times, wouldn't answer the phone. I said, where were you all day? And then he goes- Stardew Valley farming, dude. Unbelievable farming.

Starting point is 00:01:09 There's a picture of the kids right there. There's us three. How funny is my insert? I gotta tell you, it actually looks nice. That's your real, right? Yeah, it's real, but I'm not in the actual photo. Yeah, but that's- Oh, they put you in there.

Starting point is 00:01:22 The Photoshop. Oh, I see. That's because of what's going on overseas right now. Yeah. We can't have a photo of you. I know you're pro Israel, but. Yeah, don't read the comments. Don't read the comments.

Starting point is 00:01:31 Yeah, don't read the comments about it. So let me ask, oh, god damn it. Go ahead, buddy. The Rolly Polly farms a lot in this show? Yeah, that's all he does. By the way, in this- Wait, you just call me Rolly Polly? What?

Starting point is 00:01:44 You are a Rolly Polly, I just read it. Yeah, in the show, not in real life. I'm saying- Oh, in the, oh yeah, yeah. But- I know. Yeah. You're right.

Starting point is 00:01:54 Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh. Let's hear the question. Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh. Yeah, let's hear it. Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh. Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh. Get to it. Sorry.

Starting point is 00:02:03 What was it? What's the question? Oh yeah, yeah. Well, Nick, no, I could talk last night. Nick Kreese. Kreese. Kreese. Kreese?

Starting point is 00:02:13 Yeah, don't worry about it. Until we get the show off the ground, it's Kreese. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that works for me. Nick Kreese. Yeah. I've been calling you Kreese for years. For 15 years. And you never corrected me.

Starting point is 00:02:23 No, no, no. I hate when that happens. That's your fault. You've definitely been corrected. You just don't absorb. Hey, Billy. It's Bylee. I've been calling you Billy for 15, you know what I mean? I don't like that. You call Bylee Smiley? Billy? Yeah. That's insane. All right. So Nick and I were talking last night. Mm-hmm. And can I ask you a question?

Starting point is 00:02:39 Yeah. When I talked to you on the phone, you seem like you want to get off real quick. No, I'm worried about the same thing with you. Yeah, you do want to get on the phone. You seem like you wanna get off real quick. No, I'm worried about the same thing with you. Yeah, you do wanna get off the phone. I'm a moment guy. Everyone knows that. Yeah, you're on the phone for a moment and then you wanna hang up.

Starting point is 00:02:53 No, I live in the moment. Yeah, yeah, I'm present. I live in the moment and I listen to everything you're saying but you're like, all right, come on, hurry up. And I don't like that. That's projection. It is projection. Yeah, you're right.

Starting point is 00:03:04 Dude, you're so smart. Why we got him? Christ, huh? I love it. So there he is. Oh, that's when I did the At Midnight, the original At Midnight. I did it too.

Starting point is 00:03:17 You did? Yeah. How many times did you do it? Three or four times. Yeah. Did you win ever? Never. Yeah, never won.

Starting point is 00:03:24 I don't think I won once. Like Family Feud. Oh, with Tim Simons. Yeah, did you win ever never? Yeah, never won. I don't think I won once family food on there Oh, it's it with Tim Simons. Yeah, and Arden. He's tall Look how cool I am. Anyway, um, look at how short you are. You're shorter than Arden fucking mirror She's like four two. I know so tiny That's insane to be tiny. All right, look Tim. Simons is six six Yeah, he's tall but still you're smaller than Arden who is a tiny tiny person. All right, guys. Look, Tim Simons is 6'6". Yeah, he's tall. But still, you're smaller than Arden, who is a tiny, tiny person. Let's move on, let's move on.

Starting point is 00:03:49 No problem. Your problem. No, this is, you know what your problem is? What's my problem? I'll tell you what my problem is. When the movers unscrewed the TV stand. Oh, here we go. They lost the screws.

Starting point is 00:04:00 So now, I have a TV on the floor and I sit on the floor. That's what you call Geek Squad, dude. Oh, you mean the- Best Buy? Best Buy guys? No, not calling Geek Squad. No, I just can't get screws right that fit, that's me, with a case of Natty Light, no furniture.

Starting point is 00:04:17 Imagine you were in that apartment, oh my God. That was a used to be my life. But I got a word to the wise. Wise to the word. If you got extra trash, don't call Got Junk. Call Los Angeles Sanitation Department. All you have to do is put in a request and they'll pick it up.

Starting point is 00:04:32 Yep. I just paid Got Trash. You don't even have to pay for that. They'll just pick it up. You just have to let them know you have more shit. And I was like, that's all I had to do all these years? You know who I call? Huh?

Starting point is 00:04:41 Cree-core. Cree-core. He eats it. I'm hungry. Oh, I got a question. I posted on Instagram this morning. This is a real poll. I haven't thought about this in a long time, but I had a cup of coffee and I know mid-cup,

Starting point is 00:04:54 I'm gonna poop. It's about half a cup and I have to poop. What's your number? How much of a cup of coffee do you have to poop? If I have buffalo mozzarella. Buffalo. Right? With a cup of coffee? With a cup of coffee.

Starting point is 00:05:05 That's wrong. Wrong. Wrong. It's what you went through last week. It's instantaneous. Because the pole is in right now. So far we've got 41% of people have said that before they finish a cup of coffee, they have to shit. 36% say within an hour. Yeah. Do you go? Right away. Well, that's IBS stuff. IBS. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:05:31 I don't mean to brag, but I have IBS. You have Crohn's disease? No, I wish. What's IBF? IBS, Irritable Bowel Syndrome. He's Jewish. You know, when you guys are born- Easy.

Starting point is 00:05:39 You know how we all get like vaccinations and all that stuff for tetanus and all that stuff? Do they give Jewish kids IBS? They give it to them in the hospital. It's a requirement. You can't leave without it. Can't leave without it. I did my 23 to me and I'm 100% IBS.

Starting point is 00:05:57 I'm serious about the coffee thing. I can't finish a cup. I got to go. Sometimes I bring the cup in the bathroom. What's just a Red Bull? That's what I do. What is Red Bull, bud? Do you even know what it is?

Starting point is 00:06:07 Bary acid. It's bullshit. It's fucking trash. It's not good. It's so bad for your body. Oh fuck, man, oh no. Water, sugar, glucose, citric acid, taurine. What is taurine?

Starting point is 00:06:17 Taurine's the best. Yeah, what is it? From the plant taurinas. Taurinas a la bagana. It's an essential amino acid for babies. That's exactly perfect. Adults can make their own Toreen, but their high amounts of it

Starting point is 00:06:28 is in the fish. Why, why, why, why, why, why? Mmm. Gagagoo goo. You are a big baby. Gagagoo goo. Can I ask? Toreen makes me do that. Can I ask my question now,

Starting point is 00:06:37 or could you go on a shit rant? Go ahead. I'll get off of it. All right, so I call you last night. So how many dates do you go on, right, before the kiss happens? If you're good, you probably get it on the first date. All right, so I've been dating this girl,

Starting point is 00:06:56 this two dates already. Girl. Go ahead. Bath house, bath house, bath house, bath house. Choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo. Bath house, bath house, bath house, bath house. You wanna get outta here? All right. All right.

Starting point is 00:07:18 So you went on a date, a couple of dates with this girl. Hell, why do you do that? It gets the whole room in a vibe. I get into it, and then I lose my train of thought. Bath house. Bath house. Bath house, bath house, bath house, bath house. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do.

Starting point is 00:07:35 All right, two dates or three dates? So tonight I'm going on the third date. Where to? This is important. Cause if you're not getting the kids, that's because where you take her. I've taken her to nice restaurants. What are you talking about?

Starting point is 00:07:45 Like? Thank you. Oh, fuck. The first time we went out was, I think, I don't want to say it. You can, because it's over. I know, but, you don't want to seem rich.

Starting point is 00:08:01 What is it? Arby's. No, no. It's- We got the meats. That's my go-to spot with every date. So I don't want the other girls that I've on dip. That's fine. And go, and they go,

Starting point is 00:08:12 well, that's why he took me. There's no way you think, there's no way we think girls don't know that you're taking them out to the same places. Of course you are. We're creatures of habit. You go to six places. All of us go to six places. Yeah, yeah. Pache. For me, it's Chipotle, California pizza kitchen, the Vons and the Valley. I'm dead serious. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:08:34 Yeah. It's the same six places. All right. I don't stray. Okay. If you, okay. The six places, right? If you were going to going on a date with what are they? I have mine. You got your six. Yeah, I think so. I'm fucking married. We don't go on a date with, what are they? I have mine. You got your six. Yeah, I think so. I'm fucking married. We don't go on dates. I know, but just hypothetically, if you were single, where would you go? Where would I take them?

Starting point is 00:08:51 Yeah. Probably to East Side shit. East Side shit's hip shit. That's where he lives. Pache. No, Pache's not- No, Pache's over by us. Little Dom's.

Starting point is 00:09:02 Little Dom's is great. That's good. Yeah, Little Dom's is good. People like Bastia. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I went to Mother Wolf. I like Mother Wolf. Mother Wolf's fun. And Funk, that's him, same guy. Fun, fun, fun, fun's good, yeah.

Starting point is 00:09:11 I go to Damien. Yeah, Bar Flores, yeah. Damien's great. Damien's, we talk about Damien all the time. Damien's great. And then, you know, Bastia across the street from there. Yep. Hippo.

Starting point is 00:09:21 That's right. Hippo's good. What'd you call me? That's his nickname. No, I was talking about his mom. What's right. Hippo's good. What'd you call me? That's his nickname. I was talking about his mom. What's that about? I'm sorry, I thought we'd move past that. What is that?

Starting point is 00:09:32 You're right, you're right. What were you doing right there? I was being aggressive. What is that right there that you think you were doing? Wait, I was being aggressive. What do you think you were doing? I was being aggressive again, I'm so sorry. You think that was a good idea?

Starting point is 00:09:40 That wasn't a good idea. I don't think it was a good idea. You let that one go. I think that one's gonna sit with me for a minute. Will you please let that one go? I don that one's gonna sit with me for a minute. Will you please let that one go? I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:09:48 Ask the question. I already did. So how many do you think? So tonight's the third date. She better kiss you on the third date. That's crazy. Third date, you don't even get like a peck? Friend zone after that.

Starting point is 00:09:58 Yeah, that's friend. Oh, wow. The Spanish has spoken. The way you said it with this accent. Friend zone. Oh my God. Amigo zone. Yeah, amigo zone. That fucking burned me to-

Starting point is 00:10:08 That hurt. Have you been friend zoned? Oh my, everybody in there, everyone in this room. Thank God! Everyone. Everyone's been friend zoned. Thank God. No one is immune to the friend zone.

Starting point is 00:10:17 You've been friend zoned. Of course. Oh, thank the Lord. Dude, I got friend zoned one time so hard in college. I went over to this fucking girl's dorm who I like crushed, crushed, crushed on, was putting in all the work, trying to do the right thing. She's like, come on over and hang out.

Starting point is 00:10:31 And I was like, fuck yeah, maybe this is it. I go to her fucking dorm, I'm kicking it, taking it easy, not trying to be aggressive, no moves. Great song about the Eagles. Take it easy. Take it easy. Take it easy. Bathhouse, bathhouse.

Starting point is 00:10:44 Bathhouse, bathhouse, bathhouse, it easy. Bathhouse bathhouse bathhouse bathhouse bathhouse bathhouse. I'm sitting on the like one of those um what are those what were they called the big bean bags love sack yeah remember those you know what I call them what your mom you motherfucker I love sitting on a love sack on her dorm room floor and in walks the guy that she's fucking. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And she's like, pain, pain. This is my friend Andrew. This is so and so.

Starting point is 00:11:13 Pain, pain, pain, pain. Hey, buddy. And she literally goes, do you want to hang out and finish? We were watching. Do you want to finish this? We're going to go grab something to eat. I was like, yeah, I'll just hang out in the dorm by myself. That guy now, this is what he does for a living.

Starting point is 00:11:26 Yeah, that guy. Oh, wait, hold on. Let me guess. Keep going. It's not a bad laugh. Wait, wait, wait. That's not a bad laugh. No, my man, I want to see what I,

Starting point is 00:11:33 maybe I can guess what it is. Oh, you want to guess it? All right. Let's see. Do it again. Digging graves. No, digging graves. Is that what you guessed?

Starting point is 00:11:39 Keep doing it. Let me see if I can. Oh, keep doing it. I'm playing Highly. Keep doing it. Keep doing it. Yeah, you're never gonna guess. I was just trying to get you some exercise. I'm playing Highly. Keep doing it. Keep doing it. Yeah, you're never gonna get it. I was just trying to get you some exercise.

Starting point is 00:11:48 You're never gonna get it. What does he do? What? I was just trying to get you some exercise. He pulls rope. Oh, he's a rope puller. Oh. I'm the caboose.

Starting point is 00:11:57 You really are. And I do it this way. Yeah. It's like this, all right? And then what is this? Nailing Jesus to the cross. Yeah. Dude. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:12:05 Yes. Yeah. The only thing I can do. Bro, that's so good. That guy did a great job. He hung up there for a while. Yeah, so third- Third date, you gotta get a kiss. I think if you don't, then you kinda know it's amigo time.

Starting point is 00:12:17 You're amigo. But can I say this? And by the way, we're not advocating, you don't have to kiss anybody. But if by the third date, you're not romantically interested in someone ladies tell him but With Kalyla back in the day. It took me eight dates Really? Yeah to open up those floodgates. Yeah, I'm shocked. It took me like I thought she were hung in there

Starting point is 00:12:40 She didn't like the restaurants. Yeah You son of a bitch. Yeah, Larchmont wine and cheese didn't cut it. Yeah, so that's interesting. That changes things. Yeah. Eight days? Yeah, because sometimes when- Maybe she was fighting off an infection.

Starting point is 00:12:58 It could have been a couple of days- Like mad cow or something? No, like a UTI. Maybe she had something she didn't want to let you in. Eight, you mean eight? Maybe at the beginning she was fighting off something. She was on her period or who you never know. That's a possibility.

Starting point is 00:13:10 Yeah, I was- It seems like a like- No, I was in competition. So yeah- You were competing against other guys with her. She was single, there was other options. So she wanted to see if you were worthwhile. I think more time plays well for you though, Bobby.

Starting point is 00:13:22 Why? So, why? Why, why, why? Interesting argument, Kyle. Well, people get to know you, you can't help but fall you though, Bobby. Why? Why, why, why? Interesting argument, Kyle. Well, people get to know you, you can't help but fall in love with Bobby. I guess that's true, yeah. But not love at first sight.

Starting point is 00:13:32 You are definitely not love at first sight. Unless it's- I think you can be love at first sight. Second sight? Am I love at second sight? I mean, your love is blind. Love is blind, right? For sure.

Starting point is 00:13:45 Yeah, so yeah, sometimes I do, my personality, I can get in there, but it's like, it just takes so much effort. The reason this is bothering you, he doesn't know, is last week we talked about he went in for a smooch and he got cheeked. That's the same girl. I know. So I gotta tell you. You didn't tell me that.

Starting point is 00:14:02 Yeah. I told you last night about the cheek. Yeah, you talked to, he got cheated. She got out of the car real quick. This is why I think this is not, this girl doesn't wanna be, she wants to be your homie. She likes you as a human. Kind of makes me so sad.

Starting point is 00:14:13 Just text her, kiss or not. No, no, no. Send a poll. Yeah, do an Instagram poll. Will this chick kiss me tonight? She'll see it. This is what I'm gonna do. You wanna hear my fucking thing?

Starting point is 00:14:24 Yeah. Are you fucking thing? Yeah. Are you being real? Yeah. Okay, so if it doesn't happen, I kind of don't want it to happen, okay? You pull a gun out and kill yourself right in front of me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is your fault.

Starting point is 00:14:37 Yeah, and I wanna, and then I like moving on. Well, you never talk to her again. Because I'll tell you something that happened. I wanna tell you something that happened to me. I wasn't ever going to talk about this. But right when Colleen and I broke up back in the day, I went on a date with a girl, same thing, two or three dates, nothing.

Starting point is 00:14:56 And then she was at the Comedy Store. Recently. Yeah, I hadn't seen her since then. And we hooked up that night. At the Comedy Store? I hadn't seen like over like a year and a half. Ooh, that's hot. My point is that sometimes you plant the seed and you plant the seed and it will grow.

Starting point is 00:15:15 Those bonsai trees grow real slow but they do grow at some point. It's a long game. It's a hundred year game. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're playing the hundred year game. When Mr. Miyagi was cutting the bonsai tree in the original K it's a hundred year game. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're playing the hundred year game. When Mr. Miyagi was cutting the Beyonce tree in the original Karate Kid.

Starting point is 00:15:28 Yeah, best movie. Yeah, it's a great movie. So good. What's the point, guy? Oh, see, you don't know, you missed a lot. When I was watching the theater, I'm like, that's what you do. No, you missed it completely. Like the Benny Jesorette.

Starting point is 00:15:39 It's patience. It's meditation. But he doesn't even sell it on eBay. He just kind of has them. Well, he had a Pinterest for a while. I think Mr. Miyagi- He did? Yeah. Yeah, look at him.

Starting point is 00:15:52 No pussy. That was his OnlyFans back then. Yeah. That's what OnlyFans was, trimming Banzai tree. Yeah, yeah. Look at Ralph Macchio. He's like, you fucking loser. Dude, by the way, Ralph Macchio, same age today

Starting point is 00:16:05 that he was then. Did you see a photo of this guy? I've met him. What baby blood is he drinking that he looks like that? He is also- Look at how handsome that guy is. The nicest guy you will ever fucking- Not surprised.

Starting point is 00:16:16 Great actors, he's a good dude. Great guy. Give me the age of this gentleman now. He's 62? Shut the fuck up. That guy's 62 years old? That guy's 62. How did I that guy 62 years old That guy 62 Well, that was good right

Starting point is 00:16:30 Wow, what are the nice guys in the world? I love that so fucking handsome. How did you know that? What how'd you know it was doing them late night googling? I think because when the night I met him all right, so I was hosting this thing called the Asian Excellence Awards. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:16:50 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. Welcome back to the Asian Excellence Awards. Why would they use a word like excellence with Asians? The excellence awards. Of all words to use. Why would they use a word like excellence with Asians? The excellence award.

Starting point is 00:17:07 Of all words to use. Yeah. Then. The Asian excellence award. Hosted by JC Bailey. Oh shit, burns. Yeah Alright times have changed times have changed alright, so you're hooking the day. Yeah, so you're hosting leave it or not I believe it trust

Starting point is 00:17:34 The Asian Tarantino did it is he Asian no, but he likes a shit kill Bill and stuff So he was on the show that's where I have a photo on Instagram where I met and we have a photo together That's what I met him Danny DeVito, and then Ralph Moccio was there too He did karate kid Danny DeVito why the fuck was he there cuz he's short like you guys Yeah, I mean think about that from the Yeah. I mean, think about that. From the back, I'm like, look at that little Korean guy running away. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, and Ralph Maltz was there, and I remember, I mean, not that the other people there were

Starting point is 00:18:13 rude, it's just he was more available. He was just nice. He's a moment guy like you. He's a moment guy, yeah. He was just like, talking to me, and I was just like, and my fucking, my brother, when he was drinking, was there. That's when he was still using. What? That's when he was using.

Starting point is 00:18:30 Well, my brother was still, so Danny DeVito, Tarantino, and Ralph Macho, they were sitting on, backstage on these couches, and my brother was on the outskirts drinking. Oh no. He was fully drunk, and he kept walking up to Ralph Macho, I swear to God, and going, Grotty cat dude.

Starting point is 00:18:44 And they're backing up. He's not wrong, though. I swear to God, I'm going, karate kid, dude. And then backing up. He's not wrong though. Yeah, and I would go, I remember going, Steve, stop! Right? He's like, dude, karate kid, dude. You know what I mean? Like fucking, like a stony, drunk.

Starting point is 00:18:56 I love your brother. Yeah, he didn't know anybody. By the way, those three guys, fuck Mary Kil. Danny DeVito, Ralph Machio, and- Fuck Mary Kil, Asian, dude. And Tarantino. Yeah, fuck Mary Kil. All rightVito, Ralph Macchio, and- Fuck Mary Kil, Asian Indian. And Tarantino. And Asian Indian. Yeah, fuck Mary Kil.

Starting point is 00:19:07 All right, so who would I? Tarantino, Danny DeVito, and Ralph Macchio. Mary, Ralph Macchio. Sure. Yeah. I mean, probably kill Danny DeVito. You'd have to kill Tarantino because the name of the sake of his films.

Starting point is 00:19:18 Kill Bill, kill Quentin. That's true. But then you'd have to fuck Danny DeVito though. How fun to toss that guy around. Yeah. That's easy. That's the easy part He's a spinner. Oh, yeah. Yeah, maybe okay fucking connect. He's same size as me We got 69 it would be like just like two blueberries rolling around in the beginning. Yeah, it's usually when I six No, I had to yeah I have to read a jumping six. Yeah, you know you guys cuz you're both like little rotund bellies

Starting point is 00:19:43 It's like two magnets of the same side. You just can't fucking, they just can't connect. They just can't touch. I had a girl once say that like, I like that you have a belly because it rubs against my clit and I can come quicker. Really? Yeah, I was like, what?

Starting point is 00:19:56 It does that? Your belly goes down that far? Yeah, I guess it does that. My God. Anyway, um. That's a tip for guys out there. Yeah, it's a tip for guys. Anyway, so um.

Starting point is 00:20:04 If she doesn't. Ralph Macchio, great guy. Ralph Macchio is the guy that we would marry. Yeah, can I ask you another question? Yeah. Is this something I came in with? Floor's yours. Okay, oh sorry, my bad. You're the captain, you know?

Starting point is 00:20:16 You better believe it. Toot toot. I'm Spock though. Ahoy. Yeah, yeah, you're Kirk, I'm Spock. By the way, put me on a boat and I get so gay. Put me on a fucking boat and I get gay. Check off.

Starting point is 00:20:28 You're a check off. Okay, that's fine. Anyway. That's right. Yeah, I'm good with that. Yeah, so let me ask you something. So what I wanna say is, I was thinking about last night, you know, I lay in bed.

Starting point is 00:20:40 And can I show you what my room looks like now? This is your new interior designed room. This is just one part of it. Wow, that looks beautiful. It's beautiful. I hope so, for the money. Yeah, I love being in there. Anyway, I was laying in bed in my beautiful new room,

Starting point is 00:20:56 listening to some tunes. What are you listening to? I was listening to Sarah Mulglocklin's Ice Cream. Really? Mm-hmm. That's cool. That's ice cream. I like that. Okay. Your love is better than ice cream.

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Starting point is 00:25:51 Fucking is better than ice cream. Ice cream is better than fucking. Fucking ice cream. Salton straw, you're right. Yeah, dude. Salton straw, you're right. McConnell's? Go get me some of that Santa Barbara jam.

Starting point is 00:26:01 Three one flavors though? I mean, Baskin Robbins? I'd take head over that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. Oberweiss? Oberweiss is, that's a Midwest thing. Oberweiss dairy is so fucking good. My God.

Starting point is 00:26:10 Those cows, look, they look like they're, something happened. I mean, when you see those farm cows, dude, they're like 900 fucking pounds and you're like, holy shit, this poor thing. They've just inflated it, dude. So it's just piss and milk. I saw a fucking TikTok the other day about a woman who day about a woman who do they put in there at the cows

Starting point is 00:26:27 Hormones, they juice these motherfuckers up. So your mom got it done Sit down so let me ask you something so um, there's there's Bobby There's Bobby amongst of other comics. That's a green room There's Bobby amongst other comics, that's a green room. That was so good, dude. Thank you. I love you. I'm telling you, if you don't get a fucking kiss from, or not a kiss, I'm sorry, I don't want,

Starting point is 00:26:56 this sounds aggressive. If this girl doesn't make it obvious tonight that it's not happening, shame. Nick told me to just ask. You gotta be straight up. So at the end of the thing, if I feel like, I'm gonna told me to just ask. You got to be straight up. So at the end of the thing, if I feel like I'm going to kind of just talk to you for a second, I just see a friend's only. Would you agree?

Starting point is 00:27:11 I'm fine with it. But yeah, something like that. Don't don't don't give her the ammunition. Just go. Don't say this feels just go. Hey, I just want to clarity. Do you want to be more than friends? That's too direct.

Starting point is 00:27:23 No, because if you say if you give her the bait to go this feels friend zoney, then she's gonna go I guess maybe it is you're telling her how you feel. You might be right there. Ask her ask what she wants Do you want to just be friends? Which is fine. Oh, that's great. Okay, I just need to know if you just want to be my own wording because we're gonna go to A different restaurant. I do it in your own words. That's so true Yeah, do it in do it in do it in your words. I'll do it. I'm going to sold it all sold the bus. Oh don't get ya Oh, good. Yes, although single that's how the loser Yes, I don't know That'll be your own words

Starting point is 00:27:59 You got to get the spaniard on it Anyway, oh you shot at me fucking three times with my mom, so what? Don't get mad that I shoot back. I'm not doing anything. All right, anyway is good. I'm accepting. Also, as fucking your best boy, I want you to win. You know I want you to win. But this kid's the real Casanova over there. He really is.

Starting point is 00:28:18 Our entire life. You know, here's my jealousy. My entire friendship. You're closer to him than you are to me. No. It's a longer friendship. I've known him for so long. It's a longer friendship. He's my oldest friend in Los Angeles. We're all about to be best friends jealousy. My entire friendship. You're closer to him than you are to me. No. It's a longer friendship. I've known him for so long. It's a longer.

Starting point is 00:28:26 He's my oldest friend in Los Angeles. We're all about to be best friends forever. Forever. Forever. BFF. Okay. So can I ask, now I was listening to ice cream, my Sarah McLachlan.

Starting point is 00:28:34 Yeah. Can we go back to that? Yeah, yeah, ice cream's better than sex, yeah. And I remember there are people in my life that were in it for a brief period, and then they just disappeared and I just never saw them again. Because they're dead?

Starting point is 00:28:46 No, I don't know if they are or not. Hopefully. But they were like so influential, you know what I mean, in my voyage or my journey to here. What's taken you away from reaching out to them? I don't know how to even get a hold of anybody. I just wanted, so I don't even know last names really.

Starting point is 00:29:01 So how influential could they have been? You don't even know their fucking last names. Pretty influential, So may I? Give us an example. I'm gonna give you two examples if I may. Please may. Okay. The first example is I remember I met a guy,

Starting point is 00:29:12 his name was Randy. He was Jewish, okay. I'm out. And he looked like Stanley Tucci. Ooh. Like at the time. I'm back in. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:29:23 At the time. Somehow. At the time. Somehow. At the time he was a little older than me, maybe by 10, 15 years. And I think that he had a weird, like he looked like that. And he had a job. Love the t-shirt. Maybe he was a lawyer or going to law school or something.

Starting point is 00:29:34 How did you meet him? I met him at improv class. I'm out again. Yeah, I'm out. Yeah, so. I was out, I was in, I'm out. So, I remember back in the day, I met him in improv class and and he remembered we were together,

Starting point is 00:29:46 and he goes, hey man, I was wondering, I think I was gonna do stand up, I'm gonna do stand up. And I go, okay, and he goes, and you know, we've talked about it before, we should do it together. I go, I'm too scared, right? So I remember we went to a place called Thomas Payne Coffee Shop,

Starting point is 00:30:02 and this is where there was an open mic, and he said, come and support me because I'm gonna go up for the first time. And so I went there and then he, the host went up and he goes, all right, this next comic is Bobby Lee. He put my name in the thing. Fucking Randy.

Starting point is 00:30:20 Right, Randy? And I remember just going up. And I wouldn't say that was my first time doing stand up because I don't really say anything. You're just fucking around. I just went up there and I didn't really sign up. You know, Randy did this and I just got off. But it got me on stage. God bless Randy. Thank you, Randy. And then I started doing it a lot.

Starting point is 00:30:40 So we know who to blame. Right. And then I never saw him again. How old was this man? And he was a lawyer? So we know who to blame. Mm-hmm. Right, and then I never saw him again. How old was this man? And he was a lawyer? He must've been like 10 or 15 years older than me at the time. Did you say he was an attorney? Yeah, maybe.

Starting point is 00:30:52 And this was like just for fun? Yeah, I was like 23, so he must've been 33 maybe? So Randy, if you're out there listening, you might be in your 60s by now. Yeah, yeah, it's just somebody that I just wanna say thank you to. That's kind of a beautiful story. That's really nice, Yeah, that's very pretty

Starting point is 00:31:05 And there's another guy. I'm glad you kept in touch with that guy You know, it's just people just disappear and also can I just say my well know you just kept going No, but just also there was no such thing as cell phones then right? Oh, you could have sent a carrier pigeon to him I know I know but my point is it's easier now Back then, there was no cell phone and you know. You're right, there's people that I remember from the beginning that I don't know, we used to hang out with back in the day. I have no fucking idea where they are.

Starting point is 00:31:32 We have no clue. So the second guy was when I became a comic at the La Jolla Comedy Store, I moved in with the manager and the assistant manager of the Comedy Store. Who both passed. Jesus. It was Frank, it was Ron,

Starting point is 00:31:48 fuck. First name's okay. And then Fred Burns. And there was another guy living there who was super, like those two were like kind of hostile. I mean, they gave me everything. This manager and this assistant manager. But the comic that lived there, Frank Manzano, was a Mexican guy, just a weird performer.

Starting point is 00:32:08 He was so kind to me and very supportive. I just, I haven't seen him, I don't know where he is. Anyway, do you have anybody in your life like that or no? That disappeared? Yeah, just, yeah, lots. I've had lots of people that have quit or moved or, I've spoken about friends on the show, that guys that I started with who I thought were fucking

Starting point is 00:32:27 so good and they quit for- Jonathan Gotzik. You, I remember him. Wait, I know him. You never know him. You said his name. Yeah, yeah. And then also there's another one, Dave Pierre, both very funny guys. Great name.

Starting point is 00:32:41 He was so funny. And I don't know what happened. I think he's like teaching. Well, I know there's a lot of guys that I kind of used to do bar shows with and I know I've kind of run into them in the in the aftermath or like had a, you know, a friend of a friend. But there are a lot of them are out. A lot of them fucking grew up. They got pregnant, had kids, got jobs, and they were like, I can't play this fucking bullshit game. Or they move out. They move out of LA.

Starting point is 00:33:03 Well, a lot of guys left with the dream. Yeah. Yeah. It's a brutal business. I get it. I don't even know if it's a dream. They just quit this fucking bullshit game. Or they move out. They move out of LA. Well, a lot of guys left LA. They quit the dream. Yeah. Yeah, it's a brutal business, I get it. I don't even know if it's a dream. They just quit this fucking rat race. They quit this bullshit game. Yeah, what is it about us that we hung in and suffered? We're sick. Immature trauma addiction.

Starting point is 00:33:15 Really? You name it. Yeah, I mean. I think that's what it, there's something about my- We're sick. It's not resilience. I mean, I guess there is, that is a word that we could use, but it's like I just a normal person wouldn't suffer that long.

Starting point is 00:33:31 But then people with a little bit of intellect understand that suffering usually can yield something good if you really want it. So lack of talent and anything else. He's right. You fucking, you fucking, you fucking dirty little bitch. It's so funny. It's fun. And I'm grateful to meet you people like you.

Starting point is 00:33:56 It's fine. It's grateful. And I'm in full complete gratitude. I had a daydream today. This morning in the shower. Can I share this? And you may think I'm stupid. There used to be downtown Los Angeles, I believe in the old brewery building, right? Maybe

Starting point is 00:34:11 the old Pabst building. I can't- Brewery? Brewery. I know it's tough for you guys. Yeah. That's like library for black guys. There's something about- We'll be right back. That's so good.

Starting point is 00:34:24 Well, it's not a library. What do they say? We'll be right back. That's so good. It's not a library. What do they say? Library. Every black friend I have says library. But listen, the Paps Brewery, the old building downtown, used to be an artist living quarters, I think, if I'm not mistaken. And then what they did was they had the rent was subsidized so that artists could live

Starting point is 00:34:41 there for a nominal fee. The Brewery Arts Complex has been called the largest live and work artist colony in the world, 16 acre compound. Right. Okay. So dude, hold on. Bro. What, bro, after you say this, I'm going to tell you, I've been there to the brewery, to the artist complex. Yes. You hooked up with someone there. No. Okay. Hold on. We'll get to it. What I was going to do. Okay, hold on. We'll get to it.

Starting point is 00:35:07 Yeah, yeah. What I was going to do, I was driving on the freeway and I saw the old brewery smokestack and it made me think, I wish you, me, a couple of other named comedians could buy a building or buy a warehouse space and subsidize the rent for young up and coming comedians to live. So we do a nonprofit where we wouldn't make a dime, but we would just make it would make enough money so it could sustain to have security upkeep and everything. We would make no money. House rules. You'd need some house. I would be the house rules guy. You would not live there. No, I know. But I would have to have like on the wall things

Starting point is 00:35:45 you cannot do. No, no, it would be run properly like a fucking just house rules. I don't care what you're saying. Well, what are the house rules? Yeah. What are they? Um, no fucking other comics. That's what I'm building this whole thing for is for them to all fuck each other. That's the whole point. This is like ulterior motive. Like, oh, this is like the Olympic village. This is his Hitler Youth. Yeah, 100%. I want to indoctrinate these people. All right, move on. I know what you're saying.

Starting point is 00:36:09 No fucking other. I just would want a safe space for everyone. That's all. Go ahead. Of course. Okay. All I'm saying, I'm done. All I'm saying is, do you think this is a crazy idea?

Starting point is 00:36:18 It's a great idea, dude. I really want to do it. I want to buy a building. We're never going to do it. Why not? It's so expensive. Yeah, not what that is. It's not just you and I. It's a building. We're never gonna do it. Why not? Why can't expensive? No, it's not just you and I it's a bunch of other comics Imagine if we got like Burr Sebastian Dillon guys who have a couple of bucks in their pocket who could buy a building and subsidize

Starting point is 00:36:34 It for young comedians. That'd be great. How many people know number one is, you know, I have the resources to start a nonprofit I know how to do all this stuff. We can do it You'll do it. I will do it. I swear to God I want to do it all this stuff, we can do it. Let's fucking do it then. You'll do you have to keep showcasing as you know they showcase for us? So just you and I sitting in a chair. No, we'll get a bunch of comics. We do it once a year. You know what I mean? It's like getting past. Yeah, you get past to live there. You get past. But then every year you have to re audition because we got to know that you're writing and working and you're not slipping. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:37:25 So tell me about the brewery. Now that we know that that's a thing I'm proposing to- What are you calling this thing when you open it? Funny Bone. Okay. Let's name it after another comedy club. We need to workshop it more, we got it. I think it should be called-

Starting point is 00:37:38 I think Haven, you know what I mean? We'll call it the Comedy Mothership. I like that. It's- We'll call it the comedy mothership. I like that. It's, we'll call it. The compound. Comedy compound? Comedy compound.

Starting point is 00:37:51 How about Chuckle Chambers? I don't know. Chuckle Chambers. Chuckle Chambers. It's great. You want to go live in Chuckle Chambers. How many people can live there? I think it's got to have like 10 apartments.

Starting point is 00:38:04 10, 10 at a time. We can't afford that big of a building with you and me and a bunch of other comics. We can try our best. Well then, the future has to live there. I know you said they have to showcase. Yeah, I mean, there's no, I mean. I'm telling you, in the shower this morning,

Starting point is 00:38:17 I thought this is a great idea. It's a way we don't earn a dime on this. We'll probably lose a little bit of money, but it'd be great. Oh, so you can't? I know what's going to happen. Other open mic is going to go, can I stay there overnight on the couch or whatever? No.

Starting point is 00:38:31 No crashing. No, it's time out. We crashed. We crashed. It's a part of the culture. How long can you crash? One week, only one week crash. And you're not allowed to crash for a week, then go to another apartment.

Starting point is 00:38:40 You get one week of crash in the comedy, in the, and what did I call it? A year or how long? What was it called? The, the chuckle. Chuckle, compound? No. The chuckle what? I'm sorry.

Starting point is 00:38:51 He just trying to tighten it up. And what did I call it? The chuckle, I don't even know. Chuckle. Seconds ago. Okay, no, you get one week of crashing because crashing is a part of our culture. Okay. We crashed, I crashed, you crashed a lot. crashing because crashing is a part of our culture. Okay.

Starting point is 00:39:05 We crashed, I crashed, you crashed a lot. All right. You get one week of crashing inside the building. There's gotta be a guy that lives there who's the manager, like the guy that, you know. Guam. Dude. Guam is gonna get security.

Starting point is 00:39:18 He'll fuck up, he'll beat the shit out of people if they don't obey. Yes, enforce the rules. He will. He lives there for free. Imagine if that- Everyone does, right? Yeah. Everyone lives for free? No, if that- Everyone does, right? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:39:25 Everyone lives for free? No, you have to pay, it's subsidized. You're paying a certain amount of money to keep, cause to keep the thing going. Costs. Yeah, cost at level. So like, listen, instead of paying, what is an apartment now?

Starting point is 00:39:35 Like 20,000s of dollars? Like $2500, minimum. Yeah, you pay like 800 bucks, 600 bucks, 800 bucks, but that just goes for your internet, your water and power and general living so we can- Free wifi. Okay, free wifi. Free that just goes for your internet, your water and power and general living so we can- Free Wi-Fi. Free Wi-Fi. Free Wi-Fi if you have 15 minutes.

Starting point is 00:39:49 If you have under 15, you gotta pay. But I'd love to get behind it. A comedy comp- Five guys, five girls. Five guys, five girls? Maybe one trans, one gay. Smart. See, now we're getting into equity, diversity,

Starting point is 00:40:01 and inclusion. And that's good. Can't avoid it. Well, then nobody needs to be the same? You're right. We can't do that. We need a black guy and an Asian. You know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:40:09 We can't do that. I'd rather have two black guys than one Asian for sure. It's just for trading. Oh really? Well for trading. You don't want things to efficiently fucking. Whoa, I'm talking about comedy wise. There's almost none of you that are good.

Starting point is 00:40:20 There's so many black comics that are good. How many funny Asians are there? Six? Jason Chenney, Leslie Lau, Andrea Jin. I mean, I got the list goes on. That's six. You just named the six. That's it. There's so many, dude. How many funny black comics are there? A thousand.

Starting point is 00:40:34 They've been doing it longer. That has nothing to do with it. They have? Yeah, what are you talking about? Dude, look, okay, you know who Flip Wilson is. Of course we know who Flip Wilson is. But my point being is, is that comedy has been, in terms of the black community, a part of it since we started in the new modern version of stand up in the fifties and sixties.

Starting point is 00:40:53 Yeah, because they're funnier than Asians. No, it wasn't because we're. Are you trying to say that Asians are funnier than black comics? What I'm saying is. Whoa, that's a tough claim. I didn't fucking say that. You just said Bobby Lee, you heard it here, said, Asians are funnier than blacks.

Starting point is 00:41:07 I didn't say that. That's what he said. I didn't say that. What I'm just saying is that, you know what I mean, since we've like, since Margaret, I think- Chris Rock, Wanda Sykes, Dave Chappelle, Cedric, Kevin Hart, Whoopi Goldberg, Richard Pryor, Bernie Mac, Eddie Murphy, Mo'Nique, Red Fox, Martin Lawrence,

Starting point is 00:41:21 Chris Tucker, Tivity Haddish, Catwood, Deelahooley, James Fox, Tracy Morgan- Don't look up Asian comments, Chris. I'm sorry, I'm Catwood, D'Yohulu, James Fox, Tracy Morgan. Don't look up Asian comedians. I'm afraid that I'm not gonna be on the list. Oh, you gotta be on that list. I'm not even gonna list. Yeah, right. Asian comedians.

Starting point is 00:41:33 Here we go. Tough. There's six. Oh my God, there's six. I'm not even on it. Oh, that says China, in China. That's China. Jimmy O Yang is the first one. Jimmy O Yang. That's China. I looked up Asian comedian though, that's just what it says. I'm not even on it. Oh that says China in China

Starting point is 00:41:48 Jimmy oh yeah, that's China. It just I looked up Asian comedian though. That's just To look up a little nest on American comedians There's five there's five you gotta put a plural put the ass on the end by the threw in Cal Penn too, to make you guys feel. Koreans over 50 comedians. Oh, fuck. The point is, hey, Google's proving my point. Leave it alone. Google's proving my point. An endless list of great black comics.

Starting point is 00:42:15 I think you're Asian excellence. That's so funny. You are Asian excellence. You're excellent. Just saying. Let's move on from it. Let's move on from it. Let's move on from it. Truly though.

Starting point is 00:42:26 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tell me the story about the brewery. How did you end up there? In the 90s, there was a fucking cattle call for a sitcom. What, do you remember what it was called? No. Cattle call. But I remember going there and waiting in line

Starting point is 00:42:42 for about seven hours. Just chilling outside. It was like one line. Gross. Right? Sounds like last comic standing. And I remember going in there and waiting in line for about seven hours. Just chilling outside. It was like one line. Gross. Right? Sounds like last comment standing. And I remember going in there and being thrown like on a chair saying one thing.

Starting point is 00:42:52 I forgot what it was. And then I go, go, go. And I remember walking out of that building going, oh, I'm never going to make it. You thought that was how it always was. That's how it all worked. Yeah. Like this just fucking one in a million, you know what I mean, waiting in line for that long.

Starting point is 00:43:07 It's like the Laugh Factory line. The open mic line, yeah. It's around the corner. People will wait there from 10 a.m. I think it's open at noon or whatever. Or noon until the show. Oh yeah. And they might not get on.

Starting point is 00:43:19 Most don't. Yeah, they're just getting their name into the fucking bucket. I mean, how fucking crazy is that? That's awesome. Did you ever do that? Of course I did. What do you mean? I waited in every line. I waited the fact I never waited a laugh factor I waited at the store You did the improv didn't have a line. They didn't have that thing. They didn't have that thing

Starting point is 00:43:33 I waited at the factory multiple times Yeah And when you're waiting in kind of a line that like that long and you're like and you don't even get on you're like Oh, this is almost impossible Me and my buddy kenner shaw drove to fucking San Francisco for last comic standing to sleep outside of cobs on the street. To audition? God, do you know how far this is not?

Starting point is 00:43:51 I sold out six shows like three months in advance at Cobbs and that's how far I've come. Thank you. That means a lot. That actually feels a lot in my heart. I slept on that street outside of cobs on fucking four. And I'm not kidding. We drove to San Francisco. I slept outside on the concrete in a fucking sleeping bag

Starting point is 00:44:06 only to almost not get to audition, go inside, tell a half a joke and they were like, no thank you. Oof. Oof. Had to get right back in our car and drive down back from San Francisco. Oof. I remember, I remember that.

Starting point is 00:44:17 I slept outside of the improv for last comic standing too. I slept outside of Fred Siegel on Melrose. No. Yeah, slept on Melrose. Oh my God. And I remember there was a young girl, there was a comic out there, you know who she is, I think, Tracy McDonald, do you know who that is?

Starting point is 00:44:28 I know her, yeah. Tracy was in line with us, and Tracy, I'll never forget, there was a moment where Tracy said, she's a Canadian comic. Tracy said, what if, this was so creepy, it had to have been three or four in the morning, she was in like the camp next to me. What a nice girl. Yeah, she's great.

Starting point is 00:44:45 Tracy said, Hey, what if one day, this is a four in the morning thought, what if one day we're not funny anymore? And I was like, what do you mean? And she's like, what if we just stop being funny or thinking of funny stuff? I was like, that's impossible.

Starting point is 00:45:01 What do you mean? Like it's in your soul, you like humor. She's like, no, no, no. Cause sometimes I feel like I might lose it and it'll never come back. And I was like, shut up. I went to lay down and my brain was like, what if? What if we can never write a funny joke ever again?

Starting point is 00:45:17 What if I never think of anything funny again? What if I never say anything? What if I don't know what funny is anymore? It spun me out for like six hours. So thank you, Tracy McDonald. That actually helped me. Thanks. No, but she was, she, but she was right though.

Starting point is 00:45:27 She had this moment of clarity of like, man, what are we doing? We're sleeping on fucking Melrose. Yeah. Is this worth it? Do we want to do this? So what's it like to buy your first cryptocurrency on Kraken? Well, let's say I'm at a food truck I've never tried before. Am I going to go all in on the loaded taco?

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Starting point is 00:46:47 Visit ancestry.ca and get started with an Ancestry DNA Kit today. It was, it was worth it. It was fun. I tried. Here's, I think the difference, right, is that honestly, I think that a lot of people can make it. You know what I mean? I don't care where you come from, you know? You don't even have to be naturally funny.

Starting point is 00:47:12 I just think that people can make it. But we can hit the ball when necessary. When the time... When the time is right. I just remember different moments in my life as I remember thinking to myself, I have to hit this ball. Yeah, you don't have a choice.

Starting point is 00:47:27 I don't, because so-and-so is in the audience and I have to fucking hit a home run here. And you do. Yeah, so I'm gonna tell you, I can't say his name, but I remember there was a TV show that did stand up and I had already done it a couple of times. So the third year they're like, can you do it again?

Starting point is 00:47:43 And I go, you know what? I'll do it if you brought my friend on it. You gotta tell me the TV show. Like a Craig Kilburn or something? No, I can't tell you because I don't want, my friend will cry if I say the story. Okay. I need to.

Starting point is 00:47:56 He's already crying. We'll blank it out. It was called funny, K. Loco. Oh, K. Loco, yeah. It was called K. Loco. Yeah, I remember K. Loco. You know, on Telemundo or whatever. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:48:04 But they go, well, who's your friend? I don't care, you know what I mean? You're not gonna watch him, he's gonna do it. You're like, you're giving me a spot and he has to get a spot. And one of my best friends gets a spot. That's really nice. And he used to do well on stage, regular at the store.

Starting point is 00:48:19 Okay? So I remember we're at the taping now. This is so fucking crazy. And I'm sitting next to Joey Diaz. Hey, got some, got some. Yeah, got some, right? And so my friend's going up, right? And so, and he's super nervous, which is understandable.

Starting point is 00:48:36 Sure, it's TV. Right, so I'm in the green room watching the monitor, I'm like, oh yeah, finally, right? They bring him up and he comes up and he goes, nothing comes out. No. Yeah, and then he does this. This is where I was like, uh oh.

Starting point is 00:48:51 He looks on the ground and he goes, and he starts mumbling. No! Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, buddy. He literally starts mumbling to himself. Oh, fuck. This is TV.

Starting point is 00:49:01 There's cameras on, right? And then I remember, maybe a minute or two in, he starts getting the nerve to tell a joke. But at this point he lost the room. It's gone. It's gone. They were ready to- And he starts really bombing.

Starting point is 00:49:16 Oh. Right? And I remember, I had already gone up. Oh, you already did great. Yeah, I killed. You're good. Right, I killed, right? I left him there. You piece of shit. Okay, I care good I left him there

Starting point is 00:49:26 You piece of shit. Okay. Not only did I leave him there. Well, I do I was so embarrassed Would you get in the car and just go home? Yeah, I go fuck this guy. No you asshole. I Got the cut. So here's the two things no wonder why people from your past have just One of these guys you never spoke Yeah, I was gonna say. This is one of these guys you never spoke to. When you go to bat for somebody. When you go to bat for somebody. He had an off day.

Starting point is 00:49:49 Right, his first TV. I'm gonna give him a compliment. But this is a perfect day. So I leave. So then Joey Diaz drove him home. But here's the sad part. Joey Diaz on like 500,000 milligrams. Like I'll drive you a cocksucker.

Starting point is 00:50:04 Put this fucking car. So you do five, you know, they tape five or six shows in one night, right? So at the end of each show, the booker gives you money, a check. He waited at the end, he never got a check. So not only did he not do well, he got edited out of the show, obviously.

Starting point is 00:50:21 Oh my God. Got driven home, right? Well, give him the money, at least. That's a triple crown. Right, right. But my God. I got drove in home, right? Well, give him the money, at least. That's a triple crown. Right, right. But here's how he wins. When we got, I still was friends with him. Bitcoin, he bought a bunch of Bitcoin in 92.

Starting point is 00:50:37 A year later, I was watching Comedy Central just randomly and he had done premium blend. Well, that was huge. Right? And he destroyed. Oh, so he's fine. He destroyed. Is he still working today?

Starting point is 00:50:49 Yeah, he destroyed. But I just remember like him, some people can't hit the ball the first time is my point of view. But he got redemption, which is good. He did, he always had it. He had the looks, he had the skill. It's just, and you know,

Starting point is 00:51:04 the very first TV spot you do as a standup is petrifying. That's the scariest thing in the world. It's probably one of the scariest things in the world. Like I did, I remember when I did Leno, I was, I'd never been more scared. But I just remember walking out and looking at the thing and going, you have to kill. You have to kill. You have to kill.

Starting point is 00:51:26 Cause Jay's right there. Mm-hmm. Yeah, you got a little Chinese guy. That's me on Leno. Is that your first time? Yeah. Wow. I remember how nervous I was to do Conan.

Starting point is 00:51:35 It was probably the most nervous I've ever been, man. You were? I was just because I loved Conan so much. And it was a big deal for me when they, you know what's so funny and it was a big deal for me when they... You know what's so funny is I submitted a year before and the Booker who obviously not there is gone now, who's become a friend was like, I don't like the spot. I don't like the set.

Starting point is 00:51:56 And I was like, fuck. And then called and was like, I saw you do a spot. Do that five. I was like, oh, really? I said, yeah, do that five. Fuck, do that. Don't, the, oh, really? I said, yeah, do that five. Fuck, do that. Don't, the other one, don't submit.

Starting point is 00:52:08 Do this. Just take out the two cusp parts that have sweat. Yeah. That was it. But then when I got there, we were, I was fucking so nervous. It's a good set. It's just hard. It's such a hard thing.

Starting point is 00:52:19 I'll never forget that. People just get so- We were dying laughing on the way to that. People get so fucking judgy about it, but you're like, you feel, it's the stress of that is so weird because it's live. Like I can see it kind of in your eyes. I know you.

Starting point is 00:52:32 Yeah. There's something in your eyes. I was nervous. Yeah, yeah. So nervous. You're fine, you can see all the stuff, but there's a focus in your eyes. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:52:40 Right, I can tell. And my fucking, that sweater was awful. It's like, what a terrible fucking choice. You know, by the way, when I buy, I remember tell. And my fucking, that sweater was awful. It's like, what a terrible fucking choice. You know, by the way, when I, I remember buying that sweater, scrounging the money together to buy that sweater. And it was out of my price range. It was probably like $125 sweater.

Starting point is 00:52:54 Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, I remember it was like a hundred dollar sweater and I was like, this is insane that I'm buying this fucking sweater. And I thought when I put it on, you look great. And less than a month later, I was like you look fucking ridiculous Yeah, that is a stupid fucking it's so no matter what you wear on TV

Starting point is 00:53:09 What was I wearing on my tonight? You look like a fucking idiot. You always look dumb on these tapings Yeah, you think they look good that actually looks kind of nice black black and safe black and green pants It's classic. How old are you there Bobby? I was 52 Oh 2002 22 years ago today April 26 2002 Wow just passed It's classic. How old were you there, Bobby? I was probably- 52. 2002. Oh, 2002. 22 years ago today. April 26, 2002. Wow, just passed.

Starting point is 00:53:30 22 years ago. Whoa. You were 30 years old? Yeah, well, people don't realize- You were 30, right? That's a 30-year-old man. It looks like a 16-year-old boy. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:53:40 That's a good thing. That's great. That looks like a high school kid. Move over, Ralph Machio! Yeah. Well. There's a new 62-year-old school kid. Move over, Ralph Macchio. Yeah. Well. There's a new 62 year old in town. I mean.

Starting point is 00:53:47 It's good, it's good. You age like a mushroom, but back then. What people don't realize too is they're so word for word, like they come out so many times to see you and they give you so many notes. Oh my God. Right, so everything is like, you have to say it. Did you have cue cards?

Starting point is 00:54:03 Yeah. So they offer you, if you may slip up, they may have cue cards. And I said, no, I don't want them because that will fuck me up worse. I'll look at a word and be like, any God, it's 10. I know exactly what I would do. I would see a word and go, fucking, that's it.

Starting point is 00:54:17 That would kill me. That would fucking ruin. I was like, please no cue cards. Same thing with specials. Comedy Central half hour, most people used bullet points. I was like, please God cue cards. Same thing with specials. Comedy Central half hour, most people used bullet points. I was like, please God don't do that. You have memorized. But some people get nervous,

Starting point is 00:54:32 like your boy who just gets paused out. Oh my God, I just even look thinking about that. His face. This is great. That was fun, that half hour was fun. I told the story about this, sorry. I cried the moment I got off stage. I asked my- You stage. I asked my- You cried?

Starting point is 00:54:46 I asked my- You were there? No, I just remember the moment. I asked my, well, he's in it though. I talk about him in the special. My childhood best friend, Sean Costello was there and he was backstage and he was in the green room with a few people.

Starting point is 00:55:00 And I walked into the green room after I got off stage and I said, hey man, can you give me two seconds? And he was like, yeah. And everyone's like, yeah. So excited, can you give me like two minutes? And he was like, yeah. I was like, I'm just overwhelmed. And the moment he left the green room, I was like,

Starting point is 00:55:16 I was fucking bawling. Just cause it was all this energy and nerves and anxiety and it was Comedy Central, it was a half hour, it was like so important. And I was like, I ate shit, it was bad, I was balling. Oh, you think it was good? Oh, I thought I tanked, I just, I was spinning. Oh, I thought you were like, I'm great, I killed it.

Starting point is 00:55:32 No. Oh, fine. No, I was spinning, I was so sad, I chugged a bottle of fucking whiskey, I just sat in a chair just balling. I'm like, they're never gonna air it, they won't even air it. That's what I kept saying.

Starting point is 00:55:43 Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but it was good, it turned out great. I liked it a lot. I just, because the pressure was so- But it's also not, it's not club laughs. No, it's different out there. It's a different set of laughs. So you think you're bombing.

Starting point is 00:55:55 Oh yeah. Because you're not at the Ice House main room. Correct. And also people don't know, these are tapings. I had zero fame, acknowledgement, whatever. This was like me, Norman, Soder, we were all like kind of the same within the year of each other's tapings.

Starting point is 00:56:09 Nobody knew who the fuck we were. These are paid audience members. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. These people have sat through six other comedians. Yeah. You're the fucking fifth on the list of the night of three hours of standup. Dude. They're tired.

Starting point is 00:56:21 Dude, imagine. They don't wanna look at your dumb ass. Imagine me at a road comic, Andrew. Yeah. And you have no name. You're just doing the road. So you're one of those acts, right, that people go, Hey, honey, what do you want to do tonight? Well, let's just go to the club. See who's there. We were those guys. I was the guy.

Starting point is 00:56:36 I know, but how much easier is it now? That we have fans? No, it's not that. God bless the fucking fans. It's just that it takes that component out of it of like- I'm gonna kill myself in this monkey hole shit? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna bash my head through the Pepsi machine

Starting point is 00:56:52 outside my window going whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop. Yeah, yeah. Get that dude, get that dude. That some guy gets a soda at four in the fucking morning. Yeah, yeah. I remember that outside of my bedroom window. The hum of a vending machine. Nyan, nyan, nyan, nyan, nyan.

Starting point is 00:57:04 Oh! And then a guy just doot, nyan, nyan, nyan. Oh! And then a guy just, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, 2.30 in the fucking morning. Hey, don't do that to my tomato! You hear that in the fucking hotel? Dude, motels, the amount of motels I've stayed in. Okay.

Starting point is 00:57:16 Like the scene in Big when he's clutching the pillow and there's bullets outside raining through New York. Yeah, yeah. So I had to do a call, you know, I did the- I got bed bugs one time, by the way, from a motel. Go ahead, I'll tell you the story. I did those college, you know those college gigs, you know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:57:28 And so, back in the day, when you're a nobody, right? They go, well, you know, you're gonna go to Muncie, but then you have a day off here, and then you have to take a bus, like, Greyhound. Gotta catch a Greyhound. To this place, right? Three bucks. But in between, we know this old family in this town,

Starting point is 00:57:44 who like, they like to bring in comics. You can stay at their house. You can stay at their house. Right. It's a nightmare. 80 year old white people, right? And like, lights out at 10, sir. No way.

Starting point is 00:57:56 Right? There's no internet then. It's get out. This was the original get out. That's right. Hold as fuck. Oh dude. And I have like a blanket, like one of those wooly,

Starting point is 00:58:04 like they smells like mothballs. Yeah. Right? And the pillow is like made out of hay. It's a hay pillow. It's a hay pillow, dude. Right? And it's like, and the slab, the,

Starting point is 00:58:12 yeah. The Matrix is that thing that when William Wallace dies at the end of Braveheart, that concrete. Yeah. When they chopped up. It's a slab, it's a slab. They chopped his nuts off. Right. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:58:23 The bed that Lincoln died in was more comfortable than- Yeah, yeah. So I remember just laying there cold, it's 10.30. I'm not gonna be able to sleep, you know what I mean? No. Belly full of their leftovers. And at six in the morning, you get a knock. I was like, coffee's ready.

Starting point is 00:58:37 Come on down for breakfast. It's a nightmare. That's when you start spinning the chamber of the gun. Yeah. And I did that for years. Hated it. So God bless the fans, thank you so much, my gun. Yeah. And I did that for years. Hated it. So God bless the fans. Thank you so much, my God.

Starting point is 00:58:47 Thank you so much. More than anything. But then also it's like, don't go, don't go. Why is that guy get this? Right, yeah, right. Oh, cause I've been to hell and back. Yeah. Dog.

Starting point is 00:59:00 And again, and again. And again, and again. And again. And you know what you still have to deal with? Little rats like this guy. little fucking rat brats. You know, you think you can get away from rats. Well, you let them in. But the rats are always there.

Starting point is 00:59:12 They find a way. Sometimes the rats are the friends you make along with. They find a way. I just want a little reprieve from hostility. All right, let's chat about some poon. Let go up, this is a history lesson. Look at this, in 1942, Chinese, okay, here's why I'm pitching this to you.

Starting point is 00:59:26 I read this article and you want to do a movie and you want to star in a film. You and I are going to make a movie together that Nikki and I wrote. But I said, Bobby needs his own solo project, his own vehicle. In 1942, Chinese sailor Poon Lim, what a name, was aboard the SS Ben Lamond when it was torpedoed

Starting point is 00:59:44 by a German U-172 causing the vessel to sink. Lim found himself, they should just say Poon, Poon found himself alone on a life wrap without any means of propulsion, drifting aimlessly at sea. He sustained himself by fishing, drinking bird blood, and even managed to kill a shark using only a jug of water. Whoa!

Starting point is 01:00:00 Look at the last line. Miraculously, Poon survived for 133 days at sea before being rescued. Look at Poon's little boat that he made. Dude, look at that boat. Life of Poon. The life of Poon. Dude, that, what an intricate boat. Now what does this say about Poon in general?

Starting point is 01:00:18 Asians are survivors. What does this say about Poon in general? Poon is the best. Yeah, that's what it means. You're not getting better than Poon, are you? Poon is what drives this world. Dude. Poon in general. Poon is the best. Yeah, that's what it means. You're not getting better than Poon, are you? Poon is what drives this world. Dude, Poon, Poon. Yeah. Top shit. I get what you're saying. I love Poon. Poon's the top. Is there anything better than Poon? Poon for prez. Poon for prez. This guy's the fucking man. He killed a shark with a jug of water.

Starting point is 01:00:42 How did you do that? I want you to play this movie and Nicky's gonna write Poon, the story of Poon. I'll order the Ozempic. And you know what the movie's called? Oh, it's Stop Stop. What did you just say? You gotta stop. What did he just say? I might walk off.

Starting point is 01:00:55 Did he say I'll order the Ozempic? If we want him to play Poon. That's a stop stop stop stop stop stop stop. Jiminy Christmas, Heavens to Betsy's. That's great. That is funny shit. It's not a fat Poon, it's a tight Poon. Whoa, this is a tight Poon.

Starting point is 01:01:04 This is a tight Poon. That's like Mark Knott. He's not not on fire. Hey, tight Poon poon, it's a tight poon. Whoa, this is a tight poon. This is a tight poon. That's like Mark Nommet. He's not not on fire. Hey, tight poon. Hey, you got a tight poon? And the movie is called, Let's Get Some Poon. That's so good. Let's Get Poon.

Starting point is 01:01:16 Let's Get Poon. Drowning in poon? Well, what is it, you know, like get shorty, get poon. Drowning in poon is so good. Drowning with poon. No, cause he doesn't drown, he survives. I like some poon. Yeah, it's not good, cause he doesn't drown, he survives. I like summer Poon. Yeah, it's not good, McCone.

Starting point is 01:01:26 Get the, let's get Poon. I won't do an Asian accent. Please, you have to. You have to. He's Chinese, it's 1942. What do you think? I'm gonna write it in an Asian accent. I can't, I can't.

Starting point is 01:01:37 Give me a line then. You know that on Final Draft, you can actually write with an accent now. Open on. I'll tell you, open on the. Interior. Excellent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's the line?

Starting point is 01:01:47 Give me some lines. Well, he's talking to nobody but himself. This has to be like a Tom Hanks castaway. It's all you. It's an internal dialogue. I smell Oscar for Bobby. This is great. On the boat, you talk like a Chinese guy, but out, out see, you sound like Bobby Lee. This is great on the boat. You talk like a Chinese guy

Starting point is 01:02:06 But out out see you sound like Bobby Lee. That's great Cuz you've been putting it on the whole time for these fucking people on the boat. How about this? I'm what those are going to America, but then out there you're like, how do I get fucking yeah? Oh, thank God I'm a finally long journal. My internal thoughts are in my voice. Yeah Yeah, what are you doing right? But yeah, I'm oh my god. That. God damn, motherfucking shit. Yeah, what are you doing? Right, but yeah, I'll learn. I'm, oh my God, so hungry. That's what I just said. Oh, I know that. All right, all right.

Starting point is 01:02:28 But I just pissed you. All right, so. 133 days. I'm a hero, the shark. How do you kill the shark with a jug? Well, so I'm in the bow, okay? Yeah. Oh, well, let's fuck it.

Starting point is 01:02:37 I'll just do the accent. Yeah. Yeah. I'll just do the accent. Yeah, yeah. You're alive. Why not? I'm so hungry.

Starting point is 01:02:43 Yeah. And I, no water. Even though the water all around me. But it's salt. With bathroo. Smart pun. But I have a joke. What do I do with this?

Starting point is 01:02:58 Jam it in my butthole? For some true pleasure? No. There's an opening here. No pun, pun, no pun.'s an opening here. No poon poon. No, no, no, no or How the fuck this guy kill a shark with a jug of a jug oh, it's easy what you do is this Oh, you need yourself. This is what I would do Nick myself a little bleed bleed into the water Right as soon as that head comes out bunk with a jug of water. Yeah, I'm gonna kill a shark I don't know poon is magical. We. Yeah. You're going to kill a shark. How the fuck did he do it then? I don't know.

Starting point is 01:03:25 Poon is magical. We know that. Yeah. How big of a shark was it? Maybe it's a little like baby type. It's not like how do you get bird blood? Was I bet I guarantee you birds birds would birds who are flying over the ocean oftentimes settle on boats in motion.

Starting point is 01:03:41 They would probably settle on this little raft and he would cover him up and grab them and break them and eat him. Yeah, but is that a good substitute for water, bird blood? I mean, it sounds like Poon did it. Yeah. He sustained himself by drinking bird blood. You would think maybe. What?

Starting point is 01:03:55 Bloody Poon. Bloody Poon. That's the name of the film. But this is what's strange. There are 133 days without water. I thought you can only go a certain amount of days without water. Three.

Starting point is 01:04:04 But he must be getting enough water from the bird blood? Yeah, the bird blood, I think, is the key. Or he had just a little bit of a jug of water and took a sip every fucking day? Can you drink blood instead of water or something? Can you drink blood instead of water? I feel like we know the answer to that. Well, yeah, we're in Hollywood.

Starting point is 01:04:18 Yeah. I'm not talking about baby blood. Blood and necessity for human life is ironically poisonous to drink. Ironically? No, it seems right on the money. Why does it say ironically? Do bird blood.

Starting point is 01:04:29 Oh, what does that say? So medical experts warn you get very sick from drinking it every day and fight a number of infections. Bird is, bird, one reason blood is dangerous. Yeah, bird blood though, bird blood. I want to know about bird blood. Yeah, if you're starving or dehydrated, holy shit. No, what does it say?

Starting point is 01:04:42 People, people have drunk turtle blood in order to survive, or the blood of a snake. There's risks of pathogen. Animal blood is not going to prolong your life. Extremely high in iron, it'll poison you at some point. Well, Poon lasted 133 days. Wow. Amazing.

Starting point is 01:04:55 But how did he know that? No, I don't think, I think this was just him guessing. He was trial and error. He was trial and error. All right, all right. 100%. Poon Lim, there he is. Zoom in, does it say anything else?

Starting point is 01:05:03 He holds the Guinness Book of World Records for longest time adrift at sea alone. That's incredible. He used a water jug as a club to subdue the thrashing shark. No, he hit it hard. He was a 25-year-old seaman from the South Coast of, a seaman, a poon and seaman. Yeah. Perfect.

Starting point is 01:05:18 South Coast of China when he hopped on a British merchant ship, Cape Town, South Africa, they left and German U-boat sunk that motherfucker. Wow. You know how crazy it is, this is the only guy that lived and he died in Brooklyn, go down, zoom in. Poon passed away.

Starting point is 01:05:31 Yeah, we did lose Poon. He stepped foot in Brooklyn. We all lost, we lost Poon at some point. Poon passed away in Brooklyn in 91 at the age of 72. Wow. Wow. That's a young, that's pretty young for a guy that fucking lived out at sea for 133 years.

Starting point is 01:05:44 I bet you he partied like an animal when he got home. Is that him? Yeah, there's Poon right there. That's perfect, that's you. He kinda looks like me. That's what I'm saying. Amazing. That's Poon, my dog.

Starting point is 01:05:52 That's you, you're Poon. By the way, the fact that he could fashion a boat. Hold on, hold on. Yeah, that's you! Oh, Poon! Wow! Poon Lim! Poon Lim! Poon Lim, dude.

Starting point is 01:06:03 Wow. Poon lives. So will you let us write this story with you? Yeah, I'd love to do it. Because I think you could play, I mean, like think of how much comedy you could put in this and contain comedy. Can there be another boat? We have to insert something else.

Starting point is 01:06:15 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because even castaway packages were getting dropped. Margot Robbie's in the other boat. No. I'm just pitching stuff. Yeah, we could. Let's just think about it. Let me think about who.

Starting point is 01:06:23 She's German. Whoopi Goldberg. She was thrown out. Whoopi think about who- She's German. Whoopi Goldberg. She was thrown off the- Whoopi Goldberg is in the other boat. Whoopi Goldberg is German. Can we compromise? No. It's gotta be Whoopi?

Starting point is 01:06:31 Not on this. Yeah, not on this. Well, there's Poon Liman's boat. Did Poon compromise? Yeah, look at him. Yeah, Poon, well, Poon does not compromise. Yeah. But how, can I, okay.

Starting point is 01:06:41 Who saved him? A boat finally came along, I'm sure. You know, after a boat is attacked, he was nearing land as the color of the sea was no longer deep. It depends on who though. It's like, if it's Germany, they're like, fuck. April 5th, three Brazilian fishermen

Starting point is 01:06:55 found him nine miles off the coast of- I love Brazil. They're so nice. They're so nice. They're so nice. They're so nice, Brazilians. Oh, he loses weight during the, it could be like a transformation thing.

Starting point is 01:07:04 Like at the beginning, you won't let it go. You look like you do now. You won't let it go. And loses weight during the, it could be like a transformation thing. Like at the beginning, you want to look like you do now. And then by the end, it could like help like visually show the audience your transformation. From a directorial standpoint, it does make sense. He lost 20 pounds. It's not that much.

Starting point is 01:07:16 Well, he's gonna need to lose a little bit. That's what Tom Hanks did, right? He waited a year or something. He shot one part for Cast Away. You're talking about Philadelphia. Different movie. Yeah. Same themes. Same, yeah, same. P're talking about Philadelphia. Different movie. Yeah. Same themes.

Starting point is 01:07:27 Same, yeah, same idea. Poon and AIDS just don't mix. No, they don't. Yeah, they don't. We don't want to insert that in this movie. Yeah, enough of your jokes, man. Killing it. I'm literally tired of them.

Starting point is 01:07:37 That's the last one. You're a little sly, I don't like it. So it took him two weeks in a Brazilian hospital. So maybe we rescue you halfway through the film. Maybe the nurses have bubble butts. Well, they're in Brazil. Okay, good. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:07:51 I love that. Okay, good. By the way, maybe the movie is this, at a ceremony at the Siemens Church Institute of New York and New Jersey, his citations say that Poon Lim displayed exceptional courage and fortitude. What if they nursed him back to health with Tang?

Starting point is 01:08:04 Yes. Yes. with Tang? Yes. Yes. With Tang, yeah. That's the only way to get pooned back in it. With a bunch of Tang. How long were you thinking about that joke? Was it two minutes? I wrote it before I came here.

Starting point is 01:08:16 I sent him this article already. Oh yeah, oh yeah. I said step up, dude. That's really good. And honestly, no one had ever survived that long and seen not even close, and no one will ever break the up, dude. That's really good. And honestly, no one had ever survived that long and seen not even close and no one will ever break the record, obviously. But think about that.

Starting point is 01:08:30 Oh, the writer stated in Limbs or Deal was using the novel My Star's Destination. Yeah, but that's still, we still could- Intellectual property. Three Mexican sailors floated for 10 months from 05 to 06, the Pacific Ocean, on a disabled fishing boat. Mexicans are the most resilient people on Earth.

Starting point is 01:08:45 Amazing. You know what happened with Spanish people? You guys would have sunk. You would have fucked each other and sunk. You would have conquistadored each other. Yeah, you'd have conquistadored each other. We just gave them some mirrors and they gave us the country. Oh my God, this guy's unfucking cool.

Starting point is 01:08:56 This guy is so fucking cool. So arrogant. I hate it. A fisherman from El Salvador was apparently lost for 439 days, floating from Mexico to the Marshall Islands. On a raft. That's the craziest shit when they just get on39 days floating from Mexico to the Marshall Islands. On a raft, that's the craziest shit when they just get on a raft and hope it goes the right way.

Starting point is 01:09:09 That's crazy. Yeah. Like, can you imagine? I can't. Jose Salvador Alvarina, a fisherman who found, right, this is the guy that went to the Marshall Islands. He survived on a diet of raw fish, turtle, small birds, sharks, and rainwater.

Starting point is 01:09:23 This makes sense. Yeah, that I get. Or people with the constellation, like back in the natives, back in the, you know, look at the sky to see where they are. I mean, we still do that kind of today. We do? Well, we- I don't.

Starting point is 01:09:35 Yeah, I don't think you do. We use star mapping, we still do star mapping. Yeah, but you don't, personally. How do you think I get around? Oh, really? You think I use Google fucking maps? I don't trust that shit. It's a little toe kill, and you look up, or you look up? You think I use Google fucking maps? I don't trust that shit. It's a little Tokyo and you look up.

Starting point is 01:09:45 I'm looking up the whole time. The cops were like, were you on your phone? I was like, look at us scaring them. Staring up the whole fucking time. That's why they have moon roofs. Oh, I see. Left on the bray. Thank you for being a bad friend.

Starting point is 01:09:53 Thank you. So good. Well, left on the bray. Thank you for being a bad friend. Thank you. So good. Woo, yeah. Woo, yeah.

Bad Friends - Life Of Poon

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