Bad Friends - Living Someone's Dream and Chris Rock Hates Us!

Episode Date: December 7, 2020

Thank you to our sponsors: http://buyraycon.com/badfriends & http://hellotushy.com/badfriends & http://liquidiv.com code: badfriends & http://bluechew.com code: badfriends Subscribe to our YouTube: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube 0:00 The Real Problem With America 1:58 The Hawaii Rockband Hotel Room 4:02 Bobby From El Pollo Loco 9:05 "Yes, I Did Do The Tonight Show" 12:13 Why Chris Rock Hates Us 18:26 The Shows That Stay with Bobby 23:15 We Go Dark 30:35 Andrew's Review: How To With John Wilson 33:58 Who's The Best Actor You Know? 35:02 This Is So Embarrassing 37:14 Sorry, We Can't Tell You About The Big Movie 44:03 Hunter x Hunter Scene Reading 51:15 No Spoilers for The Undoing on HBO 53:01 Rudy's Senior Project 57:45 You're Living Someone's Dream 1:07:27 Another Rudy Improv! More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com/ More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com/ More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Produced by George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Jenna Sunde, Joe Faria, Andrés Rosende Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Anchor if you haven't heard about anchor. It's the easiest way to make a podcast Let me explain. Oh, please. It's free. Awesome. That's cool These are there are creation tools that allow you to record and edit your podcast right from your phone or your computer You do it from your phone like on the go. Oh my god That's cool the bus or the subway you can do it. That's cool Anchor will distribute your podcast for you so it can be heard on Spotify Apple podcast and many many many many many more. Go ahead You can make money from your podcast too. No minimum listenership. How about that? You can make money with no minimum listenership It's everything you need to make a podcast all in one place. Where do we have to go Bob?

Download the free anchor app or go to anchor.fm to get started. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? Bad friends. Hello, Jeremiah. Hi, Frank. Hello, Tanga. Tanga the kid. Hello Beatrice, Beatrice Bamburunga. What were you doing in the car? Why were you late? Because I was reading tweets So, you know people think that I'm stupid. Not true. People think I'm stupid. What was he doing in the car, Rudy? He was popping his pimple I was reading tweets and you still have the pimple thing on your nose Let me see. I was reading tweets and I know. You know, I haven't seen you in a while And this is not a really good way to start

You know, it's you know, it's hello. How are you? How was Hawaii? Did you say hello? How are you to me? Let's not fight it. Listen that last episode where we're fighting. It's really good. It's good. Oh It's what? It was one of the best episodes we ever made. It doesn't matter. It's volatile and I let's start out the right way ready Yeah, hey Bob See it's not organic. It doesn't work You know what the problem with America is Oh God, why we're divided we don't absorb. Hello's. What are you talking about? We need to start absorbing. Hello. So when somebody says hello, right?

Our immediate response is hello back, right? Because it's conditioned to do that. We're conditioned to do that Well, someone goes hello. So when you say hello, I absorb it. Hey, Bob Hello. No, what you're not hearing is this You're not hearing that but it's happening say hello to me Well, let's let's do it again. Okay. See it first. Okay, let it absorb. All right. Go ahead. Hello, Bob Hello Andrew, how was Hawaii baby boy? Oh, it was great, you know, it's fun Why is a fun little island? Um, I spent just but first of all my hotel room. I I'm

It was almost as if like, you know, a rock band Stayed there because you destroyed it. Yeah, what did you do? It's just the maids I had to give them an extra 50 every day Because I don't have it cleaned every day. I like I let four days pass. So what you leave $50 for every few days Yeah, and then still they they're very hesitant of cleaning it. Yo, that's crazy. It's insane. I have like sunflower seeds on the wall Because you're flicking in bed from bed. No from my little my little whore's own chair. Oh, right? Everything's sticky. They have to throw out that chair. You know that what they have to throw out all that furniture

They do right. That's so sad. It's just like blood calm Everything blood calm everything and they bring a hazmat to come in Yeah, I'm pretty nasty, dude. I Bobby Lee was in this room. Yeah, and I do it fast I can make things messy real fast. How many did you order? Do you order extra tiles and pillows every day? Oh, it's also food. I didn't go to a restaurant. Not once. No But isn't Hawaii pretty safe, right? Isn't Hawaii safe right now because they quarantine the court way too safe Did you go to the beach bro when I got there?

When I got there, dude, they almost didn't let me in the island. What do you mean? I was on the island? I was on the island at the airport, but they wouldn't let me like come on because you're Korean No, that's silly talk. Well, no, Hawaii. I don't know. Do they like you guys? I love Korea because there's a lot of silly talk. Is it mostly Japanese people, isn't it? Who else is there? The whites are there. Yeah, okay. No, what because I didn't fill out the You just fill out all this paperwork, right and I never did it. Did you have to do that when you came back to LA? Okay, I heard there's a paper at LAX that people have to fill out. No, I didn't know. No? No, they let me through. They recognize me Let's be honest. From what? From what?

What do you think people recognize you from? I did a national alpoyoloka commercial. I did. I know. I'll put a national alpoyoloka commercial. I've done. I was in that show that Nick Rutherford did on, um, what's that called? Love? No, Nick Rutherford has a show on What's that cartoon network? On Adult Swim? Adult Swim. Dream Corps? Yeah. Was it cool? Dream Corp? One line on that. What was the line? Tricky Ricky is here. Perfect. Yeah, I'd give you the gig again. And I didn't even I memorized that Eight months ago. I still haven't. Did anybody recognize you from Bad Friends in Hawaii? Did anybody say I love Bad Friends? They do. Yeah. And it's funny because it's obviously, you know, I'm walking around Hawaii

with a mask on, right? So obviously, you know, when Asians don't have masks on, it's hard to tell. Well, people get scared when they don't, when they see you. I'm more comfortable when Asians have masks. But with the mask on, we're like, you know, it's very, we're hard to recognize. Sure. But for some reason my voice people recognize. Well, yeah, Bob. It's a deep fucked up voice, right? It's deep for a Korean guy, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. You sound guttural. Yeah, I go, excuse me, Bad Friends. Nice. This is the only word I use. A little Korean guy. We were shooting downtown. A little Korean guy sprinted up to me. No. One of the background guys. Why does he have to be little? He was very small. Was it a boy? Well, I couldn't hear him at first. I had to grab my pick them up off the ground. Yeah, yeah. And I had to get him up at

I-Line. Where do you go? Bass, bass. Hey, are you Andrew? Bass? The plane, the plane. No, and he said, he ran up to me and he says, Bad Friends, Bad Friends. My favorite show. Say hi to Bob, please. And I said, of course, of course. He was like so wide-eyed and happy. So he says hi. I don't know. What's his name? Something Kim, I guess. I don't like it. Memorize the name. Wong Park. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Do you get recognized often? Well, I don't go anywhere anymore. I mean, even before, though. No. No. No. Like, how many times a day? One, maybe. And how does it make you feel?

It was, I don't know. It depends on the scenario. If I'm like at a restaurant just wanting to eat and pass the time and talking to somebody, I, you know, it is what it is. I'd rather just keep going. But do you remember the first time you got recognized? Maybe. Yeah. Yes. Yes. No, I do think I do. Of course you do. Yeah. The first thing. Yeah. Of course. And then what happened? It felt incredible. It does at first, right? Yeah. It changes you. Yeah, it does change you. Wait, wait, wait. This is very uncomfortable to talk about. Well, it's just weird. It's weird to talk about, but I'd like to talk about it. Well, hold on. So what happened? Well, I got recognized. The first thing I did was punked and I got recognized for... You got recognized for punked? Well, because we did promo for Jimmy Kimmel. And I went on Jimmy Kimmel and I climbed on his desk in a Speedo and Guillermo tased me.

I'm in a Speedo and Guillermo tased me. And Justin Bieber was on, so it was just a big viewed episode. Or a big viewed, you know, yeah, Jimmy Kimmel episode. And like three or four days later, I was walking on Third or Third or Beverly, one of those where all the restaurants are. And a kid goes, I saw you. I saw you naked on Kimmel. And I was like, I was in a Speedo and he was like, yeah, it was gross. That was funny. And I was like, oh, thanks. And then it made me sad about that I was gross because my body was gross on Kimmel. And then I thought, well, I got to get in shape. And that literally was like part of the impotence of me. Really? 100%. Oh, wow. Because I saw the photos and it was like my little penis is in the little Speedo. Yeah, tiny penis. Yes. And my doughy midsection was spilling over the Speedo. And I was like, oh, shit, that's how people before people see you before you see yourself on TV, you don't know how bad a shape you might be in. And then once you see what you look like on TV, then you go eyes in a mirror. Yeah.

But you don't really know until you see it amongst other people on TV. Yeah, I know how fucked up my body. Well, you've always had a bad body, though. You never were in shape. You've always had a bad body. I know. But it's been good for me. Yeah, no, it works. No, it feels normal to me, though. It sure. Yeah, I don't feel like, oh, I'm jiggly. I can hardly walk. Well, do you jiggle at all when you walk? I wobble. Yeah, I don't jiggle. That's why we call it weeble wobble. Yeah. But I do wobble the fuck out of things. You're kind of like one of those punching bags, you know, they wobble back and forth. Do you ever get recognized, Rudy? No. Never? No. It's gonna happen, though. It's gonna happen. Just wait. So I did the Tonight Show in 2000. Oh, earlier. Okay. I thought it was one of the original with Carson. I mean, you're 50. You literally could have done... I couldn't have. How? How not? Carson did it until the 70s.

On the 80s. No, he went to the 80s. You just couldn't have. Yeah, you could have. Stand up. I couldn't have. I just couldn't have. That's crazy. Yeah, because you were busy. Yeah, you were losing it. You just rattled me. Shut up. 2001. No, don't do that either. Let me absorb it. Okay, ready? Absorb it. When did you do the Tonight Show, Bob? Sometime in 2000 and not in the 70s. It was Leno, not Carson. So I did it, and then two weeks later, never got recognized, but two weeks later, I was at the Panic and Coffee Shop in La Jolla. I was doing La Jolla at the comedy store, and the Panic and is a place I used to work. Panic and? Yeah, it's a coffee shop in La Jolla. I used to do the morning shifts. You have to wake up five in the morning. It's where I ground up the cockroaches. Oh, right. And I remember, so now I'm back at the Panic and, you know, after doing the Tonight Show and no one's recognized. It's fine.

I wasn't thinking about it. Right. And a young lady and her mother was at a table and I'm just drinking my coffee and I have my legs crossed like this. You're right. And I think you could smoke at that time. So I was smoking and she goes, excuse me. And she goes, did you do the Tonight Show a couple of weeks ago as a stand up? I go, yes, I did. She goes, it was pretty good. That's good. Pretty good is good. No, it fucked me up for like six months. Why? Pretty good is terrible. No, it's pretty good. Pretty good. What did you want her to say? It was really good. But it wasn't. I know. I know. So that's what I was thinking about. Like what I could have done better. But to me, when you do a set, when somebody says it was pretty good, you don't feel good. Well, when someone says it's the set is pretty good. When you, after you've just done a live show, that means it's really bad. When someone goes pretty good. Oh, so it's like one time. I see. Yeah. It's sad a little bit. Also, television is way different than live. So when somebody goes, that TV set was pretty good.

It's probably pretty good. When somebody says, sees you live and go, hey, I don't like the band Creed. Why? I just don't, right? But if I saw the lead singer walking down, I'd be like, I love you guys. Why? Just because I want them to feel good. I would ignore them. No, I would just keep moving. I go, I love that. All your albums. I hate them. But I would say it to make them feel good. If I've seen comics, right? What if you just don't say anything at all? Comics not do well at all. Right. Name them. No, I wouldn't. Stop it. All right. But one of them. Name one. Or I've seen like, I don't want to hurt his feelings. But do it. No, I'm not. I'm not going to do it. Give me the initials. Let me know. Let me think of a good one that wouldn't be hurt. Or I've seen Whitney have an okay set. Right. Like not so good. Yes. One time she had an okay set. Not a sub move. Afterwards, I said, oh, that was amazing. Why did you do that? Just to make her feel better. Chris Rock. Chris Rock watched me go up in the OR. Yeah. Do you have your, have you ever been there when Rock is there late? Like sometimes Rockle, he stays at the hotel next door and he'll just walk in late and he'll just watch late sets. I saw he's got a car get towed once. From the club? Yeah. He parked right in front of the club. And while he was on stage. They towed? They towed him. Oh my God. And then when he got off, I'm the one that had to tell him.

Oh no. Yeah. And he did not look good. Was this recently or when you were working there? Way back in the day. When you were working there? Yeah. This is way back. This is before Bring Your Pain. Bring the pain. Bring the pain. Whatever. Bring your pain. Whatever. That's actually a good title. Bring your pain to my show. Bring your pain. Anyway. Rock was in the bucket seats and he showed up late and I had, I had pushed my set because I had done the improv change their time and the factory change their time. And then I told Adam, I'm going to be late. So I was late. So then my spot, you know, your spot slides down and I slid down and I said, I'll still do it. And it was a late spot. There was barely anybody in the room. I'm like, I guess I'll just try some new shit. I get up there. You know those, you know those nights when you're like, whatever. There's nobody here. It's like a Tuesday. So I get up there. I'm trying a bunch of new shit. It's going like mediocre, but it's fine. Like it's just in my head. I'm like, this is fine. This is exactly what I wanted. It's all, it's a bunch of new stuff. I get off stage, rock is, I go to sit down to look at my phone to turn off my recorder rock sitting next to me. And I was like, fuck, fuck. And I turn and he goes, Hey, and I was like, Hey, what's up? Yeah.

And I just sat there on my phone. And then before he gets up, he kind of is like, you know, like looking to get up and leave without it being like weird because we, I just sat right next to him. And he kind of goes, turns to me and he just goes, a good set man. And then he walks away. And I was like, No, he knows, he knows, he knows how bad it was. Yeah. And when you say good set man and walk away. So now he'll remember that. Who that kid? Yeah, yeah. No. Did I tell you what happened to me with him at Caroline's? This is the reason why I don't play Caroline's. They've asked. I'll just say no, because of this one experience. Did you used to play it all the time? All the time. I've only played it once. So this is before Tiger Bradley or Bad Friends or anything. I just didn't have an audience. Yeah, you did. I had mad TV audiences, but they're dwindling. Sure. Right. So I would like sell OK tickets, one show. Right. And then there'll be some shows that would be completely not good. Right. Like 20, 30 people. Right. This one particular night, it was a Saturday night, second show and just no tickets were sold. Zero. I mean, I had maybe 12 people.

Saturday night in New York is so hard. It's so hard. And then also I remember this night because my friend Beth Hanley came from Long Island because she had moved to Long Island. I mean, I knew her from San Diego and she bought her husband and she had this, you know, because I could see her, she was like up to the left. Right. And this is her face through my whole set. She's trying to read something far away. Yeah, just like confused and like also like very concerned. Yeah. Like he might need to get a job. Were you bombing? It was not good. It's just you. Yeah. And it got to the because I, you know, you know, I do this thing at the end of my set. You show your penis where I get completely naked. Yeah. And I run around. It's closer. It's my closer. It's very humiliating. They call it the career closer. So this is so humiliating. So I have 15 minutes on my set. I just decided to do it in the middle. I just say I got to do it now in the middle of the show. Yeah, I'm so I'm bombing so bad. I don't know what the fuck to do. You're like, oh, yes. Also, I knew it was okay because at the time, Paul Mooney did a third show. I don't understand that. So on Saturday nights, Paul Mooney had like a kind of he was a he's like 710 midnight or something. Yeah, he was like the midnight show, but he came early and they're like, you can go short because Paul's here.

And there's a crowd outside to see Paul. Of course. Of course. Yeah. And also, you have people have to realize that when Paul Mooney performs, you know, everyone shows up no matter where city you're in. Like if you're in LA, Paul Mooney performed Eddie Murphy and everyone would show up. 100%. Right. So I knew Paul Mooney. So I go, I just do it now and get out and just say Paul's performing or whatever. Right. And I'm on stage. I'm sweating right. It's cold as fuck. I'm sweating. Yeah. And and and I'm naked and no one's laughing. Right. People are getting up. Right. My friend best face is even getting work done here like this. Like anger. And I remember just picking up my clothes. Good night. No cheer. Right. Walking off. And then I just remember sweat and tears welling up. Right. And it was just terrible. And you sat in that tiny little green room they have. Yeah. So there's a scream up to the left. Yeah. So I see a guy leaning against the wall on the corner. I don't know who it is. Oh yeah. I don't know who it is. I have my clothes. And I'm walking and walking and walking completely naked by the way. Right. And I realized as I get closer, I go, if that's Chris Rock, I swear to fucking God.

Oh no. I'm going to quit. So I see it's a Chris. Oh. So I go. I don't know what it says. I go. Hey. Hey. What up man. Right. I'm shaking. Right. Hey. What up man. What up man. And this and what he said to me. Right. He's been ingrained into my psyche. Right. It's what I wake up to. It's what I sleep with. Yeah. Right. What are you doing man. You should get that tattooed on you. What are you doing man. And here's my response. I don't know. And I remember being in that green room dressing. Right. And I remember thinking to myself I'm going to stay for Palm Moon. No. No. I got my leave. And I just wandered into the city. Gone. Yeah. Gone. Those nights you deserve to disappear. I have. I have. There's 10 shows in my life. That almost ruined you. That there was. Oh, I had a fucking show at Cobbs. Al Magdal saw it. Where I went to the kitchen and I literally got on my hands and knees and I looked up in the sky and just cried. It was that terrible. Natasha Liger was there. There's 10 of them in my life that stays with me shows forever were so bad. Yeah. And they're always like situations where it could have ruined me like that show with it at Cobbs. Yeah. Yeah. Was Zuckerberg. It was for Facebook. What. Yeah. So Facebook was rented out Cobbs. And they get us the best comics. It was me in Edwards and Tasha Leggero Al Magdal.

That's what they said. The best comics back in the. All right. Come on. But at the time. Yeah. No. No. Great. Yeah. It was good. All good. Very good comments. And so and I had to close. Right. But by that time they were drunk. Yeah. And I just remember like people are dancing. There's music playing for some reason. I'm on stage. And people are just like the party started. People are just Zuckerberg. Dancing. Right. I'm going to tell my jokes. Right. People are just dancing. Not even paying attention. Right. I remember just putting the mic back in going getting my knees and just screaming crying crying in the kitchen. Oh my God. It was terrible. I never played there again. Madrigal loved it. You never played Cobbs again after that. No. That's the reason. So people. So I played the punchline. Yeah. Which is like 150 seats. They're owned by the same person. I don't know. So Cobbs is like you know I could make four or twenty five. And every year they go Bobby you're different now you can sell it out. You can make so much money. And I go I won't enter that because I was that Cobb is where Dr. Ken Jeong physically assaulted me when he when when you guys. Yeah. So the cops has there's always like these these events in my life. Yeah. That are granted my memory that I like I just can't.

So whenever I walk in I get like this PTSD kind of like oh that's that's where I had the broken. This is where it can't attack me. Raycon. So you know I love music. Yeah you're a big music. I love earbuds. That's right. My favorite earbuds are Raycon. Raycons are the wireless Raycons man. Yeah they're great for me because I like to run. Everyone knows I've talked about it. I run at night and my favorite thing to do is pop in some wireless earbuds. Raycon are great for a multitude of reasons. They fit so snug in my ear. The case is sleek and cool. It doesn't but it's not bulky in your pocket. It's noise isolating for your ear. Yeah. It's noise isolating. Like you said. The audio quality is incredible. I'm telling you the number one thing that Bob and I know joke have talked about is for the price people overpay for these wireless earbuds constantly and you're getting ripped off for no reason. These things are worth the money. They sound so great and they're probably half the price of what you're paying right now. Raycon is sponsored by a lot of big musical artists Snoop Do Double Gizzle which is Bobby's favorite artist of all time. And now Raycon's being generous for the holidays so on top of their everyday prices that are already great. They're offering our listeners 15% off. Go to buyraycon.com. Bad friends. Today to get 15% off your Raycon order. That's buyraycon.com.

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Apparently there was a rumor that you know that's like a hotel up above and it was like a halfway house. There was a rumor that one time a guy died and you know when you die you like begin to leak. Your body like leaks after a few days. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. And he leaked through the ceiling. That's gross. Like the zip? Gross. No, seriously. He leaked. He leaked through the floor. Wait, so your body liquefies, absorbs into the wood? When you die, after a few days you start to disintegrate and the liquid inside of you leaks out of your body. And he leaked through the ceiling and they had to replace the ceiling. And I'm not kidding. The only reason I think I remember this is because when I was there in last year they had a leak from the hotel again because someone had flooded their apartment or whatever and it was leaking into the club. Dude, I'm on stage. I'm on stage and I hear this. I'm like, what the fuck? There's a bucket and the audience is laughing because they've already addressed it. Nobody told me. I had no idea. There's a leak coming out of the fucking ceiling. And all I could think of was, is this a dead guy? Is this a dead guy's apartment? They said that some guy had leaked through. So your body, I did not know that about the human body. You know that, Rudy? Kind of. What do you know about that? What do you mean, kind of? What have you heard when the body dies? I know that the body, what's the word that you use? The sin? Well, disintegrates. It does kind of slowly decomposes. Yeah. But yeah, I know that the liquids go out because they come out.

You know, like most dead bodies just boop, boop, boop. Yeah. Whenever I watch like forensic shows and stuff like that, I just, you know, and a lot of people want to do that as a business. Why? Why would you want to do that? There's a guy on Twitter. There's an account on Twitter or TikTok or something. And they show you when they go into crime scenes after they're done or when people die in their apartment. It's insane. They wear hazmat suits. They have to like clean and disinfect everything. There's so much, when someone dies, there's so much shit everywhere. Yeah. Blood, poop. It's insane how much blood and poop. Yeah, because if I was a Francis guy, I watched so many movies that I would do things that they do in movies and then it's probably not something that you would do in real life. So they'd be like, what are you doing? Right? Like, you know, if I was at a crime scene and I would like take the refrigerator and like pull it forward. And they're like, what are you doing? I go, there could be a sign back here. Looking for evidence. Yeah, yeah, sloth. You know, whatever. You know what I mean? Like he had a heart attack right here. Yeah. Who knows? Who knows? I'm ripping out the ceiling. I would do things based on like, like the movies, you know. Right. Right. You come in eating a sandwich. Bobby, this is a crime scene.

Yeah. Or like, I would put the stuff on that, you know, like in Silence of the Lambs, where they put the stuff underneath the nun. I've always wanted to know what that smelled like. I'm obviously not good. No, the stuff that you do to... Yeah, it's got to be super strong to mask everything. Yeah, but it must smell delicious though. Because it's shit, right? It smells like shit. It's probably vapor rub. It's like vixx. It's probably like menthol. It's strong menthol. You think so? It's got to be. What else can block the smell? What else is that strong? I always think it's like some sort of like, you know, like dragon fruit. Yeah, like a dragon fruity kind of leechy, you know what I mean? Like a little Mandarin leechy peach. It's something like really kind of light, you know what I mean? Sweet, I think. Or something that maybe mixes well with dead things. So it's a, with a combination of poop and that makes a good smell. Yeah. Right. It's a chemical reaction. I always wanted to know what that smelled like. It's like hot hands. You know what hot hands are? Yeah, it can't just be something you buy at fucking, you know, 7-11. No, no, that's special order type of shit.

You got to know someone that has like those, um, the hookups for like industrial strength things to be able to even get the chemical compounds to do that. To be able to have the reaction and do it, you can't buy it at Walgreens, you know? You got to have a hookup. I don't want to go dark, but I'm going to... Let's do it. I just, I don't know why, but that reminds me of that. I don't know what the kid's name is, but there was a kid who was maybe 11 years old, 12 years old. Okay. Right. And he, um, he wakes up one day and he, his mom, he has a mom, right? He lives in an apartment. He has a sister as well. Is it a real story? It's a real story. He wakes up one day, it's a 12 year old kid, and he goes, um, he gets a little argument with his mom, like, you know, I want to go out and play. And she's like, no, you can't or whatever. So he decides to go take his, like, PlayStation controller, wire, and he strangles his mom. What? Yeah. She dies. And then, um, he cuts her brain, like he cuts her skull. Skull. Yeah. Yeah. And by the way, this is why they have wireless controllers now. You know that.

And then, um, he decides to stick his finger. Stop it. No, I'm not kidding you. No. Yeah. In her head. In her head. He wanted to know what it felt like. Right. So he took his finger and he went and mixed it. He wanted to mix the brain. He said, maybe give her a different thought. Right. Then with this little kid, while he's wild, this kid, what he does is, I already know what he puts his penis in there, not the brain, the pussy. He has sex with his dead mom. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. Not the brain. That's crazy. That would be sick. It'd be funny. Yeah. Right. It'd be funny. Yeah. He had sex with his dead mom with a hole in her head. Yeah. And then this is, he waits for his sister. Because he's going to do the same thing. Yeah. But you know what's so funny? Well, I don't know if this is funny. You know what's so funny? All right. So this is what he does to turn himself in. He goes next door to the, there's this old white people. Yeah. Right. This old white people, this couple living in the house. He rings the doorbell and he stands there, right?

He's got brain, he's got brain on his face, on his fingers. You know what I mean? He's like, he's got his mom's, you know, vaginal juice in his face, sweating, you know what I mean? Yeah. And he says, hell, he goes, good evening. And they go, young man, what's the matter? I fucked my mom's brain, no brain. He fucking, he just told him. Yeah. He's like, I killed my parents, squished my brain just because, just because she said no to something. What's his name? Kevin Davis. Are you sure? How was he able to choke his mom when he's 11? Oh, do you hear what? Time out. Did you hear what Rudy just said? What? Say it. How was he able to choke his mom when he was just 11? Those chords are hard to break. I mean. Yeah, yeah, that is Kevin Davis. So he choked his mom. She's got a good point though. He was really strong at 11 years old.

He looks like an engineer. Eww, that's the kid? Yeah. Jesus Christ, what an ugly looking kid. I know. That's the mom. Oh, poor mom. And he was 11 years old? He's like, how old was he? Well, you're on it. You're looking right now. Rudy, good call. How can you, an 11-year-old choking out a mom is pretty strong. Well, maybe he was a strong kid and she was... He was 15? 17. Oh, sorry. Huge gap. Massive difference. I know, but you know what I tell stories, it has to be that. I understand. So this kid is 5 and he's beating the shit out of his father. 17. How gross. How gross. Still young. He's so young. I got a new show. What's it called? How To with John Williams on HBO. Maybe one of the funniest shows I've ever seen in my entire life. It's called How To. How To with John Williams, I believe is the name of John Williams. Nathan Fielder, executive producer. You know Nathan Fielder from Nathan For You, right? This kid, this guy, this man makes me laugh so fucking hard. How To with John Williams. You must watch. John Wilson, sorry, John Wilson.

This guy made me laugh so hard. He's basically like a filmmaker and he goes around New York and he kind of jumps scenario to scenario to scenario and you follow him along this brilliant line of free-form comedy thinking. Is it documentary? It's a comedy docu-series, yeah. And he's behind the camera. You don't ever get to see him. You just hear him narrate the whole thing. Fascinating. Bob, fascinating. It's so funny. I'll watch it. It's just such a weird... I like watching comedies that don't have comedians in it. Yeah, he's definitely, just like kind of Nathan Fielder was like a super straight man. He's a comic, but he's a straight man. I should be better at that, you know. Being a straight man? No, to be able to support friends and things.

You do. You do. You support Davey. You talk about my show Davey all the time. I don't watch it though. Of course not. No, but it's like I want to be able to like go, you know, watch something that's my friends are in. I think if you fall upon it naturally, it's probably better. Yeah, but do you watch things that your friends are in? No. No. No, but... Why?

That's not true. I mean, I saw Love and you were in Love. Yeah, but you didn't know I was and I had three lines. It doesn't matter. That's correct. Yeah. What else? I'm trying to think of the shows that my friends are on that I watched, but like, no. There's shows that I wish I was friends with the people on the shows. Like what we do in the shadows, I wish I was friends with them. Alright. Because I think they're all...

I know one guy in there. They're brilliant. You do the TV show? Yeah. Who, Matt? Yeah. He's so funny. Beyond talented. But...

Like most of the things I watch, I don't have anybody that I know in it, but also like, what are our friends in that we should be watching? What's something that we should be seeing? Like when the league was out, did you just watch that? I saw a couple episodes. But did you? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, no, I did.

I would watch it. I'd watch it. I don't appointment view TV ever. I never was like, I gotta watch it. You work a haul out. Have you ever watched that? Sure. I saw some of those too. But I never watched things habitually. I don't ever do that.

Now that we're in this time of like, I can consume all the episodes. Like I can sit and watch How To. I can watch them all in one night and then I'm done. But that wasn't the way years ago. You used to, you know, I was like, oh, I saw this episode. I see that episode. Yeah, but as a kid, I was a fan. Like I would watch anything comedy wise, no matter what it was.

But it was scheduled comedy. Like it was Tuesday night. No, it was even just movies. Even if it was like a movie, right? That like, you know, I knew three people in. But are they making comedy movies anymore? No, even... Well, like what?

You're saying you would watch it. Even if you knew one person and they had one line. It just takes me out of it. Because you know them now. It takes me out of it. Right. Yeah. I don't know what it is. It's like, they could be the best actor.

It just kind of just kind of makes me go, ah. Who do you think your friends with? That's the best actor. Which one of your friends is literally the best actor out of all your friends? That's a good question. Do they have to be a stand-up? No, just the best actor that your friends with. Like someone that...

I think that the best actor that I know is Stone Street. Eric? Yeah. I mean, he's a very talented actor. I think he's a good actor. Yeah, he's a really good actor. And he's one Emmys. Yeah.

Do you not care? I just too scared. Of being good? No, I just know myself on set and I'm just confused. Right. I don't think they're confused. I don't know what's going on. They know exactly what they're doing.

This is so embarrassing to say. Give it. This is so embarrassing. But... This is so embarrassing. So when I just was in Hawaii, right? I don't read the script. Do you read the script?

Yes. What? You read the whole script? It's your job. I don't read it. You've never read the script? No. I don't know what's going on.

So how do you know what scene you're doing? I always go... I tell whoever the guy is. Right? The PA? Yeah. Night before, just send me the sides. Right, they do.

They email them to you. Yeah, so I read the sides. But you don't read the full episode? Yeah. So sometimes I don't know the context of why I'm saying certain things. Do you know what I mean? That's a huge issue. Yeah.

So like there was a line where I got... So there was just an old lady there. Right? And we're having this banter back and forth. Right? I don't know who this old lady is. Right? I know her name.

Real name is Jade. Woo. She's from New York. She's an old Asian actress. She's done a million things. Stop saying old. It's older. She's 67.

Older. Older. And so we hung out. You know what I mean? We smoked cigarettes together and we banter about, you know what I mean, life and pandemic or whatnot. Did you guys squat while you smoked? Were you squatting?

Well, we have chairs, man. Don't be like that. I just in my head, you and a little Asian woman squat and then smoke. So I can't believe... I would never thought that... So there was this line where I'm saying like, you know, if you were younger, I would date you. Mm-hmm.

Right? And... Timeout, would you? No. But in the line, I say that, right? I thought I was being literal. Oh, you're... Oh, right.

Right? Because I don't know our relationship. You didn't know the context. Because of previous... The context of it, right? Because you didn't read the fucking script. Yeah. So I was like reading it like, you know what I mean?

You know, if you were younger, I would date you. Like I was being real. Yeah. You were being literal. Literal. And then cut, cut. And people talking. Right?

You could hear people talking. They talked to me and you go, dude, you're... It's... You're joking. And you're like, that's mean, and I wouldn't joke about that. And I go, oh, right? But then it's like, then everyone realizes... That you don't read the script.

Then I don't read the script. Right. And there's like a little bit of embarrassment going on. Sure. Right? Where I go, oh, sorry, I don't read the scripts. I say that loud. But they don't care.

I know, but still, I should read it. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. But... Yes. I'm making an announcement. Please.

Don't roll your eyes. I didn't. That's fucking rude. I didn't. But I got a big movie. Bob. Okay. What is it?

I can't tell you what it is yet. Well, then why even bring it up? Because they won't let me, but I got a big movie and I'm the second lead in it. Wow. Okay. Can you say who else is in it? Um, no, I don't want to. Cover your mouth.

December 12th, I'm going to be in Phoenix. There's some tickets left for me. I'm doing a couple of shows in Phoenix. One time only desert show. Rick? Rick Bronson's room? No, I'm going to be downtown. Oh, you're doing a...

Stand-up law. Jewel's room. Stand-up law. Yeah, yeah. That's a great room. Three shows. December 12th. Go to my website.

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I've never read any script, and I've done a thousand things, but I'm starting to do it. And how was the script? Really good. Really funny. Did you say yes before you got the offer, or did you say yes before you read it? No, because I had to read it first before I had the meeting because I had to still vie for the job.

Right. Because you were still nervous you might not land. No. They didn't offer it to me. I had to have a Zoom meeting to talk about the script. They just wanted to prove that you could read the script. Right. So when I was in the Zoom call, I had to talk about it and go, yeah, I think my character

is very interesting because he changes and shifts through, and you have to talk about it. You have to bullshit your way through it, and I had to immerse myself in the material. I know how to do it. When I read a script, I understand it, I understand what character is doing and whatnot. I'm just so lazy. Yeah. No, I just don't do it.

You know what you could do next time is hire somebody to read it for you. I found that reading it, right, and then also convincing them that I was the right guy for the job, it made me less nervous about even doing it really. When you read scripts, do you envision it, or you're just kind of getting through it? This time I did. I was envisioning it. And also, here's the one thing that I've never done before, where I read it, I was like, I can't wait to do this.

But so I read that, and I'll be honest with you, everybody listening, is that I'm getting an end or two, I think I feel like you two, that we're getting a lot of love from bad friends. Bad friends is my favorite. No, I'm being real. So am I. I like doing this more than I like doing anything else. I'm just saying, though, that are you listening?

Kind of. Yeah. I feel like what we're doing, George, Alonzo, Rudy, I think what we're doing here is a good thing. I think it's a wonderful thing. Don't be like that. I'm beyond genuine right now. This is my favorite thing to do.

You think I'm kidding when I say this? I like doing this more than I like doing stand up more than I like doing Dave. I get to come here and be free with my friend. It's like my favorite thing on earth. I don't dislike any, I don't, not to disrespect the other things. This is the most fun I get to have. And I, unlike you, I do like to read the scripts, and I don't get offered anything. So maybe I should go to not reading them because you-

There's so many things, dude. You beat me out of a world. I already told you that. It's fine. But that being said, on this transitional note, Rudy, as we know, likes bad scripts. She likes terrible stuff that have no depth, no character development. And so, in lieu of this, Rudy, this is her request. She wants us to read a scene from Hunter Hunter, her favorite show.

And we'll let the fans decide if this is quality material or not. What am I going to play? Which one am I? Andres? I'm Calua. I'm Calua. I'm Calua. I'm Cal-go.

Yes. Yeah. Which one? You're Ica-go. Well, go ahead and tell us how to say the name. You're the one, you're the expert. I'm Calua and Ica-go. Ica-go.

Do I get it? This is my wig that they got for me. Do you want to wear this? No, you can wear it. It's not going to fit on your head. I need it. Well, because I need to look Asian. You guys do look Asian.

I'm the only one in here that doesn't look Asian, so I need to look like an Asian. Okay. Do I look Asian? No, no, no. That didn't work? No. You look better. I look gooder.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I look more good. Okay. I'm Calua and who's Rudy? Nothing. Rudy's not in this. No. I'm going to read.

Oh, you're going to read the narrator. Oh, you're going to be the narrator. Yeah. Yeah, because we can't hear Fancy B. He's too tough to make out. Okay. Here we go. This is a scene from Hunter, Hunter, Rudy's favorite show.

Look at her smile. Look at her face. See, we try to make her happy too. Okay. Ready? Yeah. Go ahead, Rudy. Previously on Hunter, Hunter.

These suction cups saved me. Anyway, aren't you an octopus? Oh, don't call me. Don't call me an octopus. Intro sequence. Hunter, Hunter. Go ahead. Strange bees and monsters, vast riches, hidden treasures, evil hunts, uncharted frontiers,

the mysterious Anon, the people who are captivated by the magic in those worlds are called Hunters. A mob of assassins attacks Kilowah after he and gone split up to stop the selection. One of them is Iqalgo, an octopus, Khmyra, Ant. Aren't you an octopus? Don't call me an octopus. He flies away. See ya. I need to find a new horse or I can't catch up my next shot.

I'll let the ortho siblings take care of me here. But out of nowhere, Kilowah jumps on him, grabs his gun and attacks and attacked himself to a rock using the Khmyra arms. Yo, we meet again. Can I ask you something? Sure, go ahead. Why didn't you dive underwater to escape? You should have an advantage in the water.

Don't tell me you can't swim. Uh, where? It's the blood, right? When they smell blood, your bodies in the water go berserk and ask the injured, no matter who it is. With those wounds, if you went in there, you'd be torn to shreds. Am I wrong? Uh, where? I suppose that one way too.

Andres, you're the dragonfly. Or dragonfly. Iqalgo, did you finish off the kid? No, he didn't change his voice. Jesus Christ. Try to change your voice. Or anything. Cut, do it again.

Cut, lead him into it with your oh well lines. Oh well. I suppose that's one way too. Iqalgo, did you finish off the kid? Same voice. He didn't even like, didn't make like a small attempt to change the voice. Not even a shift or anything? We're gonna do it one more time.

One more time, bro. It's not even hard, I'm sorry. It's not hard at all. Oh well. I suppose that one way too. Oh, Iqalgo, did you finish off the kid? Oh my God. He's fired.

You're fired, dude. Right, let's give George a shot. George, go ahead. Try to be the dragonfly. Oh well, I suppose that one way too. Oh Iqalgo, did you finish off the kid? Pretty good. You're hired.

No, we were still fighting. Who are you talking to? He screwed up. Wait, wait. Do we change roles there? Yep. Yep, let me do it again. Okay.

No, we're still fighting. Who are you talking to? I screwed up. Right. You can, you all can communicate via telepathy. Talking to your boss, it's that guy who is flying over me, right? Wait, now look here. Oh, sorry.

Hey, Iqalgo! Anthony! He's Spanish. He's Spanish. It's so funny. He sounds more Hispanic than Andres does. You could say that what I might be doing. Yes, we're still fighting.

A dragonfly creature flies in the forest. I think Jules, you're the creature, but you should do a different accent. Okay, ready? A dragonfly creature enters the forest. Oh, sorry to interrupt you. Let me know if you learn anything. If he sees a dozen of dragonfly flying around inside a cave, the enemy would go suspicious. I won't be able to send my satellite.

Dragonfly inside! Very good, Jules. Back in the cave. Let's make a deal then. If you tell me about his power, I'll spare your life. You have ten seconds to answer. Kill or throw the Khmer arms in the water. The sea creatures go crazy, devouring it.

Eight seconds left. Iqalgo is puzzled. Six seconds. Iqalgo's mind wanders dreaming. I want to talk to him for a second. I wouldn't give anything to him, being a trove of an emperor. Do similar if you're not mistaken. Octopi are ugly.

Squids are squirrific. I think they look divine. Two seconds. I won't betray a body. Iqalgo cuts his arm off and falls in slow motion. Yes, I could see that in your eyes. I could only hope that in my next life, I'll be born a squid. With quick moves, Killua catches Iqalgo,

rescuing from a certain death. Why? Because you're a cool guy. In different circumstances, we could have been friends. Wow. I kind of want to show now. Are we close? Your voices are very different because Killua is an 11-year-old.

What's Iqalgo? Iqalgo is an octopus. He has a squeaky voice. Why does he keep saying, don't call me an octopus when he is one? Because he doesn't want to be an octopus. Where do you want to be? A squid, because all of his friends bully him. Oh, this is deep.

I wish that was the context. Well, if you read scripts, you'd know context. Lesson is learned here. That's pretty impressive, though. I got to be honest with you. At first, I thought that was going to be like a Fui, and I really did like it. At first, I was like, this is stupid, but it's really good, huh?

Did you watch the show Undoing on HBO? No. What is it? What is it? Is that what it's called? Yes. The Undoing? Have you finished it?

I did. Because I'm on... It's not a comedy, right? It's not. No, no. I'm on episode... Andre's like, it's a murder mystery. Yeah, I finished episode four.

Yeah. And it's just so depressing that it's like, I find it hard to continue. Is it worth it? I think so. It just... Now, listen, like, I'm at a point... Maybe I'll talk to you after the show about it, but, you know,

it's like, it's just so fucking depressing. It's like... The Undoing? Yeah. Listen, Nicole Kidman... By the way, we can't give spoilers away anymore, because people online are really mad that whenever we talk about a show, we just give away the show.

I think we've done that like six times. People are like, why are you guys spoiling the show? They're not going to watch it. They are. They're not. All right, give it away. No, I haven't seen... I don't know, because I don't want him to spoil it for me.

That's why I want to talk to him afterwards. All right, good. Talk to him afterwards, because don't ruin it. Yeah. Don't ruin the depth of the undoing. Rudy, you have a surprise for us, I heard. George told me you've got something. Yeah.

Oh. Take a chance on me, sing it. No. Do it now. No. No. She was singing Take a Chance On Me by Abba in the car. Take a chance on me.

Sing it. Take a chance on me. I only know the chorus. Take a chance. Take a chance. Take a chance. Take a chance. Take a chance.

Take a chance. Take a chance. Take a chance on me. Take a chance on me. Take a chance on me. That's it. You want to talk about our new puppy? Oh, yeah.

Wait a minute. I want to hear it, but don't you have a report for us? Oh, I have something to promote. Yeah. What is it? I'm doing a senior project that focuses more on like giving back to the community, specifically for the dogs in the Philippines. This is great.

And then there are about 12 million stray dogs in the Philippines, and most of them are uskals. Uskals are our indigenous street dogs, and they're often overlooked, abused, and not taken care of because they aren't pure breads. I'm doing, I'm going to be selling shirts, beanies, and stickers, and to raise money, and everything that I will profit will be given to five main shelters in Cebu and maybe Manila, especially at a time like this where a typhoon just hit the Philippines. So a lot of dogs have died, a lot are currently starving.

So I hope you help me in this and so bye my things. Yes. What are you selling? Shirts. Shirts, beanies. Are they just your shirts that say your face? I mean, I don't... No, the designs will be dogs.

And you're designing them? Yeah. I'm going to be... Oh. Isn't that awesome? That's awesome. Yeah. 12,000 stray dogs?

12 million. Yeah. What? No. 12 million? No, Rudy, no way. Yeah. 12 million stray dogs?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. She did say she was like a typhoon hit and I was like, God, all those people, she's like, but the dogs were dead. Yeah, yeah. The people of... Yeah. She didn't care about the people at all.

No, but you do see a lot of them and they're like, you know, they look like pirate dogs. I care about those. They're just like walking. One eye missing. Like a wooden paw, you know what I mean? Just like walking down the street. And it's like... The dog is smoking.

Yeah, yeah. It's really sad. Sad? Yeah. So all the... So Rudy, when's that stuff going to be up? We have to tell the peeps when it's going to be up. It's still going to be next year.

Next year. So at the beginning of next year, you guys got to watch out to support the rude Jude because she deserves it. She wants to help out other people. And all the prophets are going to go to a foundation? Is that what it is? Yeah. Yeah.

That's right. Were you there when we went to the Philippine War in Cebu and we fed the kids those homeless... Are they homeless? Kids? They live in squatter areas. Squatter areas. Yeah. And we went and got little lunchboxes, thousands of them, in a truck.

Okay. Right? And we go to this place. And it's like roosters and just garbage in this landfill, right? And then they have little like... They could be huts or caves. What are they? Hutt caves.

Hutt caves. Yeah. And you have a table. You set it up. And they all come running out. It's some of them are naked. They have... They are.

I'm sorry. They are laughing. Well, because when you... That's a rude. I think about you naked when you say naked. I think it too. I know. And I'm running the worship.

You're like, we brought you lunch. We brought you lunch. Yeah. And it's like... And goats as well, right? There's goats, right? Tied to like... Like on sticks.

Yeah. On the ground, right? And they're just like... Is it food? No. I don't know what they are. Are they pets? Food.

It's for milk and for... Yeah. Yeah. Goats milk and... But it's just... And when you're... And you're feeding them and... And when you're doing that, you just kind of realize, you know...

We have to do more of it. You're... I completely agree. We do. It's... Every year we adopt either a family or we adopt teenagers that are homeless here in Los Angeles. And I got to tell you...

You told me this yesterday. I got to tell you. On the phone. It moves me. And here's why. And I'm being very genuine when I say this. Yeah. There are a few moments of movement in my life that...

Comedy aside, when you get the email, the request list from these people and what they want for Christmas, and it would make you feel disgusting about yourself because it's like socks, paper towels, a bath towel, like a new towel to take a shower. And you get these lists and you're like, this is all this kid wants? They don't ask for toys. They don't ask for like, hey, I want the new PS5. It's like, hey, I'd love socks. I don't even have socks or I don't even have a fucking clean bath towel.

So we didn't get him any of that shit. We got him a PS5. But... No, but it does make you feel like, oh, it puts things a perspective. It puts a lot of things in check. And subsequently, of course, yesterday I was having a long day. We're shooting 15-hour days on Davey. It's insane.

I shot till 3 a.m. this morning and one of the girls in one of the scenes was sitting there next to me. I was kind of out of it and not paying attention to, because I'm not up. I'm in my chair. And I'm kind of like dozing out of it. And she was saying, oh, I love this show. I said, oh, thanks. That's very cool.

And she's like, I'm just so elated to be here. And I said, yeah, she was like a guest star for the day. I said, yeah, it's awesome. I'm glad that you're here. You're doing great. And then it's kind of quiet. And she goes, is this not exciting for you? I said, no, no, no.

It's one in the morning. I'm tired. And we got here. And she's like, no, I know. I know. And she goes, just know you're living someone's dream. That's what she said to you? Yeah.

And then they, you know what? That's crossing the fucking line. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. She meant because she's living out her dream. And she's like, you're living someone's dream. This is, she didn't mean it as like an F you to me. So she walked away and did her scene.

And it made me, it made me like sit in it for a minute. I was like, that is right. This is somebody's dream. Oh, sorry. It was. It's somebody's dream. I apologize. And then I walked up to, I walked up to the second AD and I said, what's that girl's name?

Yeah. And he said her name and I said, okay, good. And he said, why? What's up? And I said, you know, I want to, I want to remember her name and I want to say her name today. What's her name? You forgot.

I forgot. Yeah. I forgot. And genuinely I had her fired because I said, don't you fucking talk to a principal actor that way? Yeah. You guest star. I know.

I struck her across the face and I said, get me a T. No, she was very sweet and genuinely I didn't ask for her name, but I did, it did make me think, oh yeah, that is, is neat. That is, is someone's, someone's dream. So it put things into perspective. It's the holidays, you know, yeah, it's tough for you to absorb that kind of stuff. It's just, it's difficult. Yeah. No.

Hello, Bob. Hi. No, see, you didn't absorb that time. I don't want to. All right. Yeah. It's a wall. There's a wall.

There's a big wall up. You have to let those things, you know, it is someone's dream. It is. Of course it is. Right. It's a lot of people's dream. And yeah. And it's like, you know, you got to go to Hawaii, shoot Magnum P. I. That's incredible.

It is incredible. But I just, can I just say that they flew you take it off, Papa. Is this the closer? No. It is someone's dream. And you have to remember that. That's fine. And I believe that.

Okay. But. There's no but. There's a but. You know, it's there. There it is. That's the but. No, it's not.

Okay. I didn't say but. I said it for you. But. But I don't want that in it. Okay. I won't. All right.

But. But. But. Really. I do need to say it. Yeah. You have to say but. It's not as if, and my journey is not your journey.

Correct. I mean, two different journeys. But. There it is. I know. When I'm on a set and I see like a girl that like her parents are actors and actresses, right? And they're 17.

Right. Right. And they this is the first thing I auditioned for and I got it, right? Mm hmm. Right. Maybe for that person. You know what I mean? Mm hmm.

It's somebody else's dream. They should be fucking grateful. It's like, you know, I came here, you know, in it from a different. On a boat. From Korea. It felt like that. Right. You know, it felt like I'm homeless.

I was in LA living with, I'm not just trying to do a boohoo story, but like with 12 guys in a one bedroom apartment in Silver Lake for years. So this was your dream? No, I'm just saying though that like, and then like I crawled 10,000 auditions got that getting nothing. Right. Right. Yeah.

And then finally like getting to a place where because of podcasting, I feel like. Talent ability. You know, whatever. You know what I mean? Sure. And so when I'm on the set, I don't really go when people go, well, this is a great a dream. It's like, bitch, I fucking worked my way here.

Right. Should I have said that to her? No, but that's how I feel about it. Right. Right. It's like, I don't, you know, it's like, yeah, you're fucking, you have a dream, but it's like, I fucking crawled my way into the situation. Right.

You earned it. I worked at it. And you worked at it by not reading one script. Yeah. I feel like I'm being ungrateful, but there is a feeling of like, dude, I fucking worked to get here. These two things can exist. Are you sure?

100%. I feel gross saying it. That's good. But you know what I mean? Like that Chris Rock story. I had to go through that. I'm right. You know, I had to live through just, you don't need that.

I had to live through like, you know, carrying your clothes yet not being able to eat for weeks. Yeah. Right. Yes. When I did that scene in Hawaii with that lady Jade Wu, right? The lady that you didn't. Yeah.

Correct. And we hung out, right? And there's another lady on the show named Amy Hill, who she played. Margaret chose grandmother when she had her show American Girl back in the day. Right. So I'm friends with Amy, right? And I know, right, the, especially Asian women from, these are actresses from the 70s, 80s and 90s, right?

Who had to live through being concubines, right? Having one line, right? And just having these terrible roles that they had to fucking audition for, you know, working at a liquor store and they have broken English and they had to do so much more than that, right? You break you by every scene. Yeah. And they're getting shit.

Sure. Right? I don't look at somebody like Jade Wu or fucking Amy Hill and go, wow, you're lucky to be here. You worked your ass off. You went through some fucking difficult decades where Hollywood treated like shit. So when they're getting these like regular lines with no accents and they get, they get to play real people in a real show, right? I know, I just, I applaud them and I go, you know, you fucking deserve to be here.

Totally. Yeah. And you worked your ass off. But... And you're not lucky. They're living someone's dream. That's all. She's just saying, you're living someone's dream, how wonderful.

You know, there's certain things about you, right? You know what I'm saying, right? Yeah. Yeah. And you like to, because I have a sore throat right now because I'm being argumentative. Yes. And you like to throw fucking hot coals in it. Why do you think I do that?

You like to play devil's advocate. Why do you think, and why do you think... But you give me riled up so I can have a stroke, so you can kill me. Well, it makes for a good show. If you stroked out on this show, one of our most successful episodes. I know. Are you kidding me? I know.

The thumbnail would you be, the thumbnail would you be, you stroking out and me going... It would be wonderful. By the way, make that the thumbnail. Me going like this and Bobby, yeah, there it is. You're correct. You worked very hard. You deserve what you got. What I'm saying is perspective wise, she didn't mean it any negatively.

She just meant you're living someone's dream. How wonderful. Yeah, but a gall, right? Just listen now. You think she's got... You're all sitting there on set, right? Yeah. You know what I mean?

And you memorize your lines, right? And you're getting focused on the scene, right? Yeah. And some girl going, we're just really lucky to be here. You're living someone's dream. I just kind of want to go, yeah, and just poke her fucking, flick her eye. I want to grab her cheeks and go, oh, yeah, look like, right? That's what I want to do.

What do you think, Rudy? You have to... Yeah, go ahead. I want to hear her. Because she's got good perspective. She's young. She's smarter than us. Oh, I understand.

I see to Bobby that you work hard for it. But... You do. The intention of the girl wasn't bad. She just said that you're living someone else's dream. Letter finish. Because there are people there who doesn't, who wasn't born to be like, like, fortunate. Yeah, they're just like, they have, they dream of something better and then, I don't know,

the girl's intention wasn't bad. Then why are you... Yeah, the intention is not bad. Don't yell. The intention is not bad. Okay? She comes from a good place, right? It's just, it's one in the morning.

Yeah, it's one in the morning. Okay? You're tired? I'm very tired. Right? She doesn't know you that well. Not at all. You know your history or anything, right?

Yeah. Like, you know, you're living someone's dream, just out of nowhere, you know what I would have done is, I would have went, oh, nice, thank you. That's right. But then you should see, she's not going to see the other side of it. What is it? Where I go, thank you. Like she won't see this part of the face, right?

But that's what I would have done. Right. It's that turn of like, absorb and like, what the fuck? Yeah. Like, how dare you? Oh, yeah, you're bummed. Right? Mm-hmm.

But then you come back around like this. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let's try, let's try the exercise right now. Yeah. You're on set.

All right. And Rudy is the girl. Yeah. Rudy. Say it. And let's see how Bobby reacts. Given the circumstances. You want me to be, what do you want me to do here?

I want you to understand what she was just saying to you and what I was trying to say to you as well. Okay, go ahead. And take that into consideration with your response. I will. Okay. Hi. Hi.

Well, you said hi. This is our fourth scene together. I just want to let you know. No. No. As an actress. I just want, I know your name is Sally, right? So, Sally, I want to say you said hi to me, you know, nine hours ago on our first scene.

Is this how you're really going to react? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, don't say hi again. It's weird. Sally, say hi if you want to say hi. Yeah. I want to say hi. Hi again.

Hi again, Sally. Here we are on set doing our fourth scene. Hi. Okay. Act like, come on. Here we go. Okay. Let's start from the top.

Yeah, please. And let me be real. How I normally would do it. Do it for real. All right. So, I'm sitting there. I have my script in my hand. No, you have your phone in your hand.

I have my size. You have your phone in your hand. Now, I always have my size crumbled up. I'm looking at it. Okay. Okay. That's true. Okay.

And I have to highlight certain things. Okay. All right. So, I'm highlighting. Go ahead. Whenever you're ready. Hi, Bobby. Let me just say the same thing.

I mean, other than, you say, they are like, I didn't know. Hi, Bobby. It was a bit nice, huh? You said it's been a night. It must have been nice, huh? It must have been nice too, yes.

It's nice. It's nice. What is nice? To be living someone else's dream. Yes, it sure is. Aren't you grateful? I'm so grateful that I am living off someone else's dream. Thank you for sharing that, Sally.

Okay, bye. Bye! Okay, bye. Bye. And then I'll be pretending to read my script or my lines. Right, you're not reading. But the whole time, I'm thinking about, you know, I might even Google her. Don't find out.

She's got her IMDB, like, if she's worked before. Right. Okay, Sally McMullen. Sally McMullen. This is her first thing. That's where it's coming from. And now knowing that, now she comes back and she's now going to ask you, hey, do you know where Crafty is? Yeah, it's right there where all the fucking peanuts and the fucking M&Ms are.

See right there? With the table right next to me. You don't have to be mean. I'm not being mean. You asked me where it was and I'm just telling you it's right there. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Enjoy.

Thank you. Bye. You're welcome. Fucking newcomer. Relax, your scene's up in a minute. Sally, do you have to go to the bathroom? Yeah. You should ask where the bathroom is.

Bobby? Sally. It's you again, Sally. Hello, Sally. Do you know where the bathroom is? Oh, Sally. I really need to pee. I know you do.

And I just wanted to let you know real quick. It's really great to work with you, right? But I am a principal on the show. I'm not a PA. See, John? Ask him. Hey, I'm John. Yeah, John.

Ask him. But it's my first time here. See where that door right there? It says women and has a symbol of a woman with a dress on it, right? Yeah. That's the bathroom. Oh, I didn't see. Sorry.

It's right by Crafty. She didn't see. Right by Crafty. She didn't see. Right by Crafty, right? Ask him to go to the bathroom with you. Can you go to the bathroom with me? No.

No. In case I get lost. Sally, I'm being honest with you right now. I'll be honest. Are you a blind special needs actor? I mean, what is going on here? I don't have my contacts on. Oh, shit.

All right. Fine. My bad. All right. Let's go. Thank you. It's right here. That's how quick, by the way.

Ask him to wait for you. Can you wait for me? Mm-hmm. I get really scared when I pee. OK. You get, OK. And it takes long. I'll wait right here.

But you know, we're about to shoot our scenes. Can you take your time, but hurry up? It takes long. OK. Now you're falling into the toilet. No, no, no. I'm going to tell you what's going to happen now. No, no.

Hold on. Let her. Something happened. Wait, Bobby, I fell on the toilet. She fell. You have to help me. You have to help. You have to get in there and help, Bob.

You can't watch me, though. Bob. You can't watch me, though. I can't watch you fall in the fucking toilet. You have to close your eyes. Fuck you. I'm opening my eyes. No, fuck you.

Be nice. John, I fuck you, T.A., all right? OK. First of all, I want to say this, OK? Yeah. Number one, who the fuck is this? Am I being pranked? Yeah.

Yeah, this is. Yeah, you got pranked. Sorry. Sorry, man. This is actually the director for the next four episodes. Yeah. And the way you treat her, that's going to get reported. So you think that what I just did there, right, is mean?

OK, I'll show you. OK, tell me how it's done. All right, go ahead. Now you're doing with Andrew. Hi, Andrew. Hey, what's up? Already? Fuck you, all right?

That's how I would do it. Yeah, I know, but it's not. That's how it happens. I know, I know. Ready? That's how it happens. Ready? OK.

Hi, Andrew. Hey, how you doing? Let me get through it. I love it. Go ahead. I love it. Isn't it nice? What's that?

Isn't it nice to be living someone else's dream? Yeah. Aren't you grateful? I am. I actually am, Sally. I'm also grateful. Where are you from? Texas.

Oh, nice. What part of Texas? Somewhere there. What city? What city in Texas? Dallas. Oh, I love Dallas. I also love it.

Where do you live? I live here. I live in Los Angeles. You mean where I'm from? Yeah, right. I'm from Chicago. OK. You know, there's something about Dallas.

I don't know if you've ever known, but if you go down 386, if you're on that highway on the right-hand side, there's one of my favorite little stores there. Have you ever been to Bonhomme's Web? No. No? You haven't? You have to go. You have to go.

Give me your phone number. I'll text you. I'll text you the address of Bonhomme's Web. OK. What's your number? 590. 590? Yeah.

590. All right. So it's 5-9 in the letter D. Zero. 590. 590? 1878. 1878.

All right. I'm going to call you right now to make sure that's your number. That's not it. Oh, you got it? Yeah, I got it. OK. Great. Show me that you got it.

Cool. OK. Bye. OK. Bye. Scene. A great exchange. She left.

Right. She left. Yeah. All I had to do was talk about something that she wasn't interested in. OK. This is what you do, though. Let's do it for real. Let's do it for real.

Let's do it for real. You want to see it for real? You would not do that. Number one, right? I know. I know. Let's do it for real. So you asked her, right, what part of Texas.

And she didn't know you, Andrew Santino, would have known she was lying. She was a liar. Or there's something weird about how she doesn't know what city she lives in. It did piss me off. Yeah. So you would have confronted that. OK. Let's go.

This is for real. I'll do it for real. Here we go. OK. She can do it. She knows all the states. Go ahead. She had to learn the capitals to become a citizen.

Hi. Hi, Andrew. Hey, Sally. Isn't it nice to be living someone else's dream? Aren't you grateful? I am. Yeah, I am. I am, actually.

That's a very... Yes, I am, Sally. It's my first time here, so I'm also grateful. Is this your first show? Oh, my God. Yeah. That's wonderful, huh? Well, I gotta tell you, you're doing a good job.

Thank you. Yeah. OK, bye. Bye. Yeah. That's what happens. Yeah. Let me try it.

See? Let me try it. Let's try it. Yeah, let me try it. Wait. Give me that. Give me that. Hi, Bobby.

Hi. Sally. Isn't it nice that you're living someone else's dream? What? Isn't it nice to be living someone else's dream? Yeah. Aren't you grateful? I am.

Nice. It's nice to live someone else's dream. Thank you. You know, really, you know, it's funny. Here it goes. It's funny, Sally. You know, a lot of times, in this Riggum and Roll, in this business, you know... It's Riggum and Roll!

You become self-centered, and it's all about me, me, me, me, me. And, you know, it's really nice every once in a while to just live in the moment, take a deep breath, and to realize that we are so fucking grateful to be here. That's right. That we're working. You know, what an amazing fucking job we have. Is that not right, Sally? It is right.

Where are you from, Sally? I'm from Wyoming. Wyoming. What's city in Wyoming? Why? You don't know any city in Wyoming. Like, why? You picked a state with no city that you know!

Then don't ask where I'm from! No, give me a different state, all right? Wait, but how do you know cities in states? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So what state are you from, Sally? I'm from California. There we go. What part of the California?

San Francisco. San Francisco. Cool. You know, Bobby used to play cobs in San Francisco. You ever go to cobs? No. Oh. What comedy clubs do you go to in San Francisco?

This bitch isn't from San Francisco! You're a liar! Let's expose her! Where are you really from? I'm from the Philippines. What are you doing here on this set? What are you doing on this show? I'm just an intern.

You're just an intern? You're an intern? What? Why do you have sides and why are you in wardrobe? Yeah. Someone told me to do it. Who? Andrew.

Are we all high? This episode is specifically for people that smoke pop. Let's say this. I will say something. I'm grateful that you're back and you're healthy and you're safe. I'm happy to see you. I'm happy to see both of those guys. And I'm excited.

I'm excited for the holidays to come. I put up my Christmas lights and my house looks sparkly. Oh, it's nice. Jingle bell. Did you put up your lights on your house? Nothing. Are you going to pay someone to do it? No, nothing.

Pay someone to do it. Yeah, we'll do that next episode when we talk about Christmas, but I want to talk about it right now. Will you pay me to put up your lights? No, I'm not putting up fucking lights. Because you're Jewish? No, I'm just not Jewish. It's pointless.

Speaking of which, Rudy's comment about Jewish, about who celebrates Thanksgiving the next day, and it was Canadians, and she guessed Jewish, and boy, is the Jewish community pissed. So mad. So mad. They are pissed. I didn't mean it like that.

I'm kidding, Rudy. I'm joking. People love it. Did you get somebody to attack her on Instagram? What do you mean? She got her first like. Hater? Yeah. If you know why?

Why? Because she's here living someone's dream. Oh, my God. Thank you for being a bad friend. Be a bad friend. Woo. Woo. Woo.

Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo.

Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Yeah.

Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo.