Bad Friends - Make God Raff

Episode Date: May 4, 2026

Get MORE Bad Friends at our Patreon!! SALE 70% off for new members!! http://patreon.com/badfriends/join?utm_campaign=public_sale Thank you to our Sponsors: BlueChew, Kachava, Rocket Money, Talkspace, Avocado Green Mattress & Shopify • BlueChew: Get 10% off your first month of BlueChew Gold with code BADFRIENDS. That’s promo code BADFRIENDS. https://bluechew.com • Kachava: Go to https://kachava.com and use code BADFRIENDS for 15% off your first order. • Rocket Money: Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at https://RocketMoney.com/BADFRIENDS • Talkspace: Get $80 off your first month with promo code SPACE80 at https://Talkspace.com/BADFRIENDS • Avocado Green Mattress: Go to https://AvocadoGreenMattress.com/BADFRIENDS and check out their mattress and bedding sale! • Shopify: Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial and start selling today at https://shopify.com/badfriends YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube Audio Subscribe: https://apple.co/31Jsvr2 Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com Watch Pete Holmes' Silly Silly Fun Boy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qzsHolR05hg 0:00 Bobby's New Neighbor5:00 Filipino Film History10:00 No More Slow Burns14:00 Guiding the Boat18:30 Lord Farquaad Gets the Girl25:00 Two Different Markets29:30 Make God Raugh34:00 Sharks Don't Eat Designer38:00 How to Make Hard Boiled Eggs43:00 The Way of The Whites49:30 Pete Holmes Pays His Taxes55:00 Shamma-Lamma-Ding-Dong1:00:00 Running on Empty1:04:30 Fred Flintstone is Asian1:19:00 Am I The Problem?1:14:30 Eric Andre Has Beef w/ Bobby1:18:30 Soul Shake More Pete Holmes Tickets and More: https://peteholmes.com/ More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbylee.live More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Fancy SOS VHS: https://www.youtube.com/@7EQUIS Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fancyb.1 More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: 7EQUIS https://www.7equis.com/ Podcast Producer: Andrés Rosende This video contains paid promotion. #bobbylee #andrewsantino #badfriends #sponsored #ad Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Your hair looks fantastic. Thank you. I have a new name, though. Can I get you to do it? Hey, how are you doing? I'm Andrew Rice Clay. That's really good. Andrew Rice Clay?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So good. Thank you. So, you know, as we, as you know. Hey, I'm Sebastian Manashevitzvier. That's really good. All right, let's get off of our impressions. Can we open that with that?

100%. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? White dude I'm an Asian dude You two You two or something We're bad friends

Um So you know I have a bunch of Filipinos Leaving my house Too many Some would argue That you're at the limit You know like with animals

You know how you can only Have certain animals in your house Careful Now I don't think animals In Filipino should be They're not even the same thing Because Philippines are humans

But you're making the comparison To how having animals Is the same as having Filipino Or just anybody I guess What's the law For how many animals You're allowed To have in your house

At one time In California. In California. I think it's five. Five of each breed? No, just five. Five animals? Yeah.

There's no way. You think it's higher? I bet it's like five cats, five dogs. I bet it's like, no. There might not be restrictive. There is a restrictive. Total pet limits in some areas like Long Beach resident restricted a total of four, four weaned pets.

So they must be. You got to wean them. And have a business where I wean them. Look at this. Three or four dogs or cats combined without a special kennel permit. It limits very wildly by municipality. Yeah. You know who your next door neighbor?

is. He met him in Memphis at the Elvis, at the one of our worst performances ever. Oh, I know. Spencer Presley. Clay, yeah, Spencer Sutherland. I ran in him last night. Oh, I know Spencer Sutherland. Yeah.

Sexy dude. Sexy dude. Sexy dude. And he told me what street he lives on and I go, what? Bobby lives there. And he goes, where? We bring up, you're literally three doors down from this kid. I've never seen him.

He lives. He goes, I, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. I know, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I know where he lives. Do you know how I know? It's on your block?

No, no, that's not it. I just told you? No. O for two. You're O for two. Give me another guy. Maybe because you saw him one time driving. No.

Okay. O for three. I struck out. There's this one house two or three doors down, right? They play too loud the music. You think it's him. You can tell it's live music. Oh, right.

Right? That's his song. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm Spencer Presley. Especially southern southern limb, but yeah. Southern, yeah, whatever. All right. So I have, I don't even bring Filipino.

I have three people living in my house. Who are Filipino? Who happen to be Filipino. Not happen, they are. And they are my family. Not blood, but yeah. No, Jules and. What's their names?

Issa and Honey are my family. Honey's the mom and I have the two daughters and they're like family. We love them like family. So Issa, right, the youngest, she lives in the Philippines, right? What are you looking at? Huh? What are you looking at? I was just doing a thing, because you always look at them, so I'm looking away

to see if maybe it affects the way that you, when you talk and tell a story. Because you always look away when I talk at them, so I'm going to start looking over here to see if that is the same balance. I was talking to you guys. Is that what you mean? Yes. Yeah, you often, you will always look to your right. Every episode.

Every episode, the whole episode. So I'm going to start going to go. No, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to turn this way. Well, don't you think that we do, right? But what I'm saying But what I'm saying is Is that I didn't really even realize

That I did that. I don't know that you do that either That's something I'm not sure. Do you guys notice that? Yeah, but the thing is is There's three guys back there Can I get a window with guys over here? I understand what you're doing, dude

But it's like, you know what I mean? I want to have peaceful conflict relationship with you. It's very. You and I are very peaceful. Right? So it's like sometimes when I feel conflict I go there.

Well, can we take a moment of peace? No, I want to finish my story. Oh, sorry. Okay, let's take a moment of a piece. Okay, so let me finish. Yeah. Okay. So, Issa lives in the Philippines and, you know, she hasn't seen any real movie.

Like, the movies that she's exposed. It's making the boys laugh. I think you're right. I tend to look at them and I will look at you from now. I'm your partner. Okay. I've just been hanging out with you every single day for a very long time. Sorry.

Like from, you know, I mean, early morning to night. I realize I apologize. So it's like, look at the boys. Sometimes, you know, I bet you you turn away from your wife sometimes. And talk to three boys. We don't, yeah, the three boys that live in my house. Don't you have three boys in the cubicle? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So anyway. Well, men, there are three beautiful men. Yeah, men. So finish it. I will. So she's never seen like, you know, Avengers, obviously.

Because, you know, she's 18 years old. And also, um, Elle, things of this nature. So what I've been doing at night is trying to, you know what I mean, expose them to, you know what I mean, movies that I think that are necessary to watch. You told the Exorcist you showed them. So I showed them Exorcist. Exorcist doesn't have the impact that it once was because every horror movie steals from it and it's like... Well, gore is so different today. Yeah. Like Grand Theft Auto has more violent gore than exorcist. Right. But it was interesting to see, I've seen it a thousand times. So it's like

the kind of special effects they were able to do at that time. It's impressive. They liked it. It was okay. So last night we did a double banger. Oh shit, what did you do?

We did. I was just scrolling down. They had never even heard of Mad Max Fury Road. Really? It's not even that old. I know. How many years is that?

Wasn't that like, that's 2014? Yeah, 10 years ago. Yeah. And then obviously we saw that. They were like, we don't believe it. Don't believe it.

We don't believe it. We don't believe it. We don't believe it. Give me more. Give me more, right? More. More, more, more.

So then we did Fioriosa. Not as good, but very good. Yeah. Okay. Over the last couple of years, I've tried to do Cullen Brothers. My favorite. I know. So I showed them raising Arizona, right?

No country. No country for old men. Fargo. Oh. Right. So, what? Lobowski, big Lobowski. I can't do it.

They won't. Because I pre-watched it to even have them watch it. Because I know there's, what? They're not going to. like it? I don't think they're going to like it. It is really kind of subversive and weird. It's so weird. Out there. Yeah, it's out there. Although it's a great story. Yeah, it is. Right. So, but you have to understand there ain't, how do I say this? It's almost as if they've landed here

from a different... It's almost like they're from the Philippines. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's almost like they came from another country. Right. So now I'm trying to look for Evergreen movies. Oh, interesting. So let's the fans start submitting. So I made a list. Oh, you got it. I list and most of them they haven't seen. And I would like to add to the list, if I may, of movies that should be, now you have to understand, they don't do slow burn. It's got to be quick, fast, hot action.

That's why I'm scared of the Godfather because it's very slow burn. They will hate that movie. I think so. They'll hate that. My money's on hate. In fact, we should take a poll. But Jules and Honey, the mom, saw a taxi driver. They liked it.

Well, that is a pretty intense film. Okay. Right, I think even the slow moments are building up to something very heavy. Yeah. Right. So, how about dog day afternoon? So good. I don't think they'll like it.

I'll just keep my list. But that's a pretty... It starts immediately. It's funny as fuck. It's funny as fuck. So let me just start with my list. Yep. They've never even heard of Apollo 13.

Dude, so funny. Great movie, right? Don't you think... If I framed it like this, this really has... happened. Independence Day. Maybe Independence Day. I think they would love Independence Day.

I think they've seen it. Doesn't everybody like that movie? So then here's my next one. Eternal of the Sunshine Mountain. That's so weird. They're never going to like that. They're not going to like that movie. Magnolia.

They're going to hate that movie. Okay, but they saw what PTSD do they see? They saw a none. Although they saw one day after one fight out after. What? One battle after another. And they loved it. Interesting.

They loved one battle. But did they love that because of Leo? This is the thing Can you show them a movie Without a star that they're Right Okay That's the challenge

Yeah Because they everybody likes Brad I mean everyone likes Leo And guys like Brad Pitt So it's hard When they see those movies You go well I'm already in I like those

Well I'm pushing Revenant So good I know They might like that That's heavy I mean that scene Between that animal Is one of the greatest scenes

In I think you can leak it at this point I don't want to give it away Honestly that's noble I just gonna say Let's not give it away. I'll lie, that posthum. That massive posthum.

You know what I mean? That massive raccoon? Big. So scary. And almost killed them. But then show them cocaine bear right after. Right. So what I'm going to do today is Fight Club.

Such a good film. Even if you don't get the underlying message, it's still a good film. Yeah. And Issa smart. So I think she'll get a fight club. Okay. Because they did old boy and they did, I saw the Devil Wars. The Korean movies are slow burn.

They still liked it. Yeah, well, O'B was a great film. So here we go. Then I'm now going to lean into classic comedies. Okay, so. Like Philadelphia, like classic comedy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That scene when he dies.

Unbelievable. Unbelievably funny. Yeah. Precious. Like films that are just hysterical throwing. Right. And he did a Christian bail from the machinist. It was really good stuff.

You know what I mean? It was like he had it. You know? It almost seemed like he had it. I love you, Philip Morris. I've never seen that movie. Seriously? You would love that movie.

You've never seen happiness. No. Yeah. You would love that movie. I'll watch that. You watch this. Okay, I'll watch this. You and McGregor and Jim Carrey.

Okay, I will watch this movie, okay, but you have to watch happiness. Done. Okay, so can I finish my list? It's not that long. Mm-hmm. So I wanted to come. So best in show waiting for guffman. Best in show they will love because it's about dogs.

Waiting for government is a little bit harder for them to consume, but I think they'll still like it. Here's a deep cut. And you probably never seen it. Galaxy Quest. No. What? It's good. It's good.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Never seen it. Wow. Napoleon dynamite. They'll love that movie. Easy characters. Here's my fear, though.

Here's my fear with a movie, though, right? It's so not based in any kind of reality of that character. Just warn them. I am going to warn them. What do you mean? Yeah, sure it is. He's a nerd. I guess there are people like that in the world.

That's the Midwest. That's you. That's McCone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. That's you. You know, McColl. The Topolian, that dynamite would have sent me in audition that you didn't get.

I didn't get. I think. You know how you didn't get that role? You know who got it? Roy Schovo. Yeah. Yeah, all right. I think Skowel got it.

Right. Here's another one, office space. Me and my mom's, one of my mom and I's favorite movie to watch together. Great. One of the most quotable films of all time. Great, a fucking movie. Jennifer Aniston, why wouldn't she do more stuff like that? That's who I want.

Here's another one that you haven't seen. Battle Royale. What a good comedy. You know Battle Royale? I don't know if I've seen it. Look at Battle Royale. This is Tarantino's favorite movie. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. We've talked about that on the, talked about this on this show. Yeah. You have to watch Battle Royale. Yeah. It's incredible. Okay. And the last movie we have on the list is drive.

Slow burn. Is it slow burn? Well, I mean, it starts strong, but then drops. It's such a cool movie though. Yeah, but that is a, that is a tougher movie for them. Okay, I'm crossing this up and that's why I want the debate. But I do think they, but Gosslings in it, so you get bonus points on that. They're going to be locked in on him.

Yeah. But the movie is kind of drawn out. Oh, so what's his name's on that? Oscar Isaac. Oscar Isaac. Yeah. Okay. But I mean, I think the girls will like Gosling.

All right. So let's now try to come up with, you know, I mean, new movies from your point of view because, you know, I did a quick through my library. Yeah. And I said no to a lot because I just, it's like, they're just, if they're too slow burny or they're not going to get it. I also have spotlight on here. I love journalist movies, you know, movies about journalism, network and those kind of

movies? It's an important movie. Yeah, yeah. Spotlight. Spotlight. No, Boston. Spotlight. Spotlight. Yeah, that's a good Boston. Thank you. Yeah, Boston. Yeah, Boston. Say, Pak the car. And I'll say spotlight. Spotlight? Yeah. Okay. It's good. All right, so what's some other movies do you think? Funny comedy movies or just movies? No, just in movies in general, there are evergreen that like, if they've never seen it. Well, Forrest Gump is an evergreen. They've seen that. Everyone's seen that. That's mandatory. The government does that. When you get your citizenship, do they make you watch Forest Gump? Yeah, I mean,

that movie, they obvious has seen. Okay. Okay. Let's go. Well, I would say that I would say if you want comedy, the... No, no, let's go, let's start with action. I showed them... Die hard. Die hard? Die hard? Fuck, that's a good one.

Die hard. Speed? Movies awesome. Phenomenal. Phenomenal. Terminator 2. Yes. So much better than Terminator 1. Yeah. It's crazy how much better Terminator. It's crazy that a sequel was much stronger than the original. I can't name that for many movies. Although people do say Godfather 2 is better than the first one.

A lot of people like two more than one. I could have that debate with you. I disagree. I think Godfather 1 is a better movie, but people do think the second one. Oh, Dark Knight. Empire Strikes back better than the original. Don't look it up. No, we're just looking up better sequels.

Toy Story 2 was better than Toy Story 1. Please not look it up. Okay. Turn it off. I'm sorry, I'm controlling. I need your pure opinion. Yeah. Okay.

So what did I say so far? You said Die Heart, very good choice. They probably have seen it. Die Heart. And I don't know how, I don't know if it still translates. It does. Well, Die Heart 3 is really good too. Yeah, I'm a Die Hard 4 guy.

Yeah, the new one. Die Hard made me sad talking about it. The first movie? No, it just made me sad talking about it because of Bruce. Oh. Bruce Campbell? Bruce Campbell, yeah. My acting coach, Bruce Campbell.

Yeah. No, because of Bruce. Bruce Willis, dog. It's so sad. It's so sad that we're watching a legend die in front of us. I got another one. It's a fucking awful. It is awful.

He's the man, dude. He's a man. He's a him. The Sixthens is a good one. No, they already seen it. But here's another one. Signs. Signs.

I showed a little bit already. Luper. I love Looper. Why is that? People hated on that movie. I thought it was great. Looper. Because you said Bruce Willis.

I know. Well, Bruce is, if you want to go through. through Bruce's repertoire. He's got... Well, Pulp Fiction might be the best role he... Yeah, I think they've already seen it. Can we do Wes Anderson or no?

Yeah, Rushmore. Old West, you can't do new... Like... Ten bombs. You can't do like the Budapest Hotel or whatever the fuck that was? Yeah, yeah. No, they're never gonna like that movie.

What was the other one? The Space One in the Desert? Oh, I saw that movie. Wamp Wamp... Yeah, yeah, terrible. I enjoyed... Missed by a mile. I think Rushmore's...

You enjoyed it because the visuals are incredible with what? I mean, I could do the list of Wes Anderson movie. I think the best one is Royal Telling Bums. Yeah. Second best Rushmore. No, you're missing one. I'm not done.

Okay. With my list. Third one, Bottle Rocket. Ooh. Love that movie. Okay. Right? And then I think Steve Seizu, the life aquatic.

I would say that slides up my list. Really? Life Aquatic. It's such a funny movie. Yeah. And then number five would be the Grand Budapest. What about our Giling limit is? It was okay. It was fine.

It was fine. It was really good, though. Bada Rocket should be maybe one. Okay, let's go. Let's, not let, is this boring? Yeah. But I'm enjoying it. I don't give a fun.

I think people would enjoy listening to what our movie takes. List movies? I don't know. You want to know a movie that I really like? Well, I thought that was over now. Well, I'm transitioning into something funny. That's why I look this way. Yeah, you have to.

You have. What you just did is the reason why I looked at that one. What did you learn when we shot the game show that Andrew sometimes has to guide the boat back to Reality. Well, because if you're on the boat, the rudder's going one way and the bow's face in the other, and it's awesome. But occasionally, it's going to crash into the shore. Yeah.

So then sometimes captain has to take over and spin that motherfucker back to. That's right. You're John Luke Picard in this situation. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. Who am I in that? Anyway, let's move on.

Spock. But there's no Vulcans. You're Spock. There's no Vulcans on the next generation. Anyway. So what, in our world, that can't exist? That's true. I'll be Spock.

You are a 100% Spock. Do you do it with both fingers? I can't do it with my right. Whoa. Whoa, that's good. Go ahead. So we made McCone. McCone found a very pretty woman at the bar last night.

And we were having a little snack and a meal and a post-round wrap-up beer for a tough week that we did. We went and had ourselves a beer and McCone said, that girl's beautiful. She is, very pretty. Can you ask you a question? Sorry. Did I work as hard as you? Just during that week, I mean. No.

Are you being serious? I mean, I showed up on time, you know what I mean? Yeah. And I added some things, my improvost skills and this and that. No, you did an incredible job. Right, but why was it? But if you try to say, you think I did better than McCone did better than me? You just asked me, did you work as hard as me?

No, you did. No, you did. But did McCone work as hard as me. That wasn't the original question. No, McCone did. But then why didn't I get to do? go to the celebrity celebratory meeting with you.

You were watching movies last night. That's right. Okay. Go ahead. Keep going. Okay. Hot chick bar. Hot chick was at the bar.

He said, I kind of want to talk to her. And immediately, I was kind of buzzing on one last night because I had taken a good amount of edibles. And not drunk, but I was just taking edibles. And I said, you know,

you do look exactly like Lard Farquod from Shrek. Last night, he really looked like it. A lot, a lot, a lot. a lot. Wow. Let's go look. I mean, if that's not McCone, if he shaved the mustache, that's McCone.

Yeah, you're Lord Quokwan. You're Farquod. Yeah, you're Farquod. Lord Farquod, man. Yeah, yeah. I said to McCone, go up to that pretty girl that you like so much and have the icebreaker go, have you guys seen Shrek? And they'll inevitably say, of course.

And he'll go, well, I'm here. Lord Farquod at your service. And he did. And it was killing. And they're laughing and smiling. I have the video. No sound because he's far away. but they're loving it.

These two girls are loving him. They're loving it. Then finally, the face changes. I see him go, and then she goes like this. And then he goes, like this. He puts his fist up. Like you won something at the gold and you're black. At the Olympics.

He was saying black power. Did you do black power move? He did. You can never do black power. Well, there were two white girls, first of all, which I thought was very odd. They nodded away and kind of laugh. You have to do this. Yeah, that's okay.

Yeah, that's the white thing. dokey is your thing, right? This is for someone cooler. He asked for the girl's number and she said, I'm a lesbian. And then he puts his black power fist up. That's amazing. That is fucking. Blue chew.

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Rocketmoney.com slash bad friends. I said, I said respect. I'm down black power to two white women, two white lesbians, and then came back and sat down. Wow. And I was like, why did you do the fist? Why did you do the fist? I didn't know what else to do. When someone says I'm a lesbian, you put up a black power fist. There are white people hand gestures, right, that you're allowed to do. Yeah, this one. You can do this one. Yeah, you can do that one, right? You can wave, right? You can do peace.

You can do shaka. Oh, shaka's good. Yes, I'm down. I think shaka's good, right? You can do heavy metal. Yeah, rock on. Rock on, right? But you cannot do this.

You can't do that. Okay? So that was your opening line. Have you seen? Have you seen Shrek? Yeah, and then, well, yeah, Andrew gave it to me. And then I said that. And then they laughed and they said,

but you also kind of look like the berries and cream kid. He does. That is in cream, bad is in cream. Do you think that opening would work for me if I walked up to a group of girls at a bar and I said, you ever watch Dispicable Me? And they go, yeah, I go, Minion. Do your sound. Do your minion.

It's my favorite. When you do that on stage, it's my favorite sound you do. Thank you. When I listen to that bit, that's my favorite sound. Because you always go, wikid, wikid, wiki, wiki. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, yeah, that's not a good. opener to me, but...

It landed. They got a huge laugh. Did you get a real laugh? You did work. Of course it did because it's self-deprecating. It's funny. It's easy. It's not saying like, what are you chicks up to? It's not like a bro energy. He just went. Have you guys seen Shrek? Yeah.

And they go, of course. And he goes, it's me. It's Lord Farquod. Yeah. Beautiful. Then they loved it. It was endearing. I love the lesbians. The one girl was straight, though. You asked for the wrong girl's number. And here's the thing about... So they weren't seeing each other. No, no. They were just friends at the bar. Ah.

Because in that situation, and I don't want any fucking flack from anybody because this is my opinion. Yeah, you're allowed to have it. Yeah, yeah. Is I think one should be hot, one should be not. If it's a, if it's one's gay and one's not? No, if they're both two lesbian couples. You can't have two hot lesbians? It drives me crazy.

Why? Because it's too off the market. Oh, you think they took it from you? It's like, you know, it's like the, I'm going to just see. Do you understand what I'm saying? Yeah, okay. Two different markets, man. I'm going to just tell you about the exchange in rank.

You're at the meat market there at the fish markets. Two different markets. So my old hang up back in the 70s and Asian is this, right, that Asian women were fetishized. Still are. I know, right? And white dudes would get them, right? And it's like, I'm dating Danny, an Asian woman would say. But we never got to get with white girls.

I think the exchange rate was very poor. You exclusively date white women now. I know. but I figured out the game. He's trying to correct the... And also, times have changed. So now I'm used to going on stage and see a mid-Asian dude with a hot white

because just the times have changed. Who you're referencing? What? The mirror. Who you referenced? Who's the hot Asian guy with... Who's the mid-Asian guy with the hot? Me.

Yeah. Someone that looks like me, I'll see with a very attractive white girl, and now it makes sense. Back in the 70s, 80s, though, the exchange rate, we got nothing, and they got all of it. And even white girls and black girls didn't like us. So I think we're the original incels, right?

Could you ever date what you couldn't date? I would. I would marry Candace Owens right now. Oh my God. Hmm. I think she likes white guys. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I don't have a shot. But there's something about Candace Owens because I feel like I'll lay in bed and won't be bored.

I don't think she sleeps. I have no racial. preferences on anything, you know what I mean? If they're attractive and, you know what I mean? Indian I'll do, you know what I mean? Yeah, there's not one. I mean, maybe there is a couple. But it's only because I've never met them before.

Well, it's not in your circle. There's certain people I've never met before. And I'll never be it. Like Eskimo. What is? It's Inuit. They're Inuits. Inuit.

But with more of an Asian slant. It's Inuits, I mean, you know, you're going to get, it's like, it looks like Native American and and... Oh, I love the Native American. It looks like Native American and Asian combined. Yeah. It's a great combo. And Penguin, a little bit.

You can take that. You can have that one. You can have that one? Yeah, have that one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't want that. Yeah. I'm touching that.

Yeah. It's just because penguins live up north. I got it. Okay. I think they got it. All right. I was just throwing out a joke. I loved it.

I have nothing against Eskimos. In Inuit. Inuits. Okay. I love them all. Okay, I love Native Americans, but there's, so I've never been in Eskimo. I've met Hmong now, that's pretty cool. Well, we had a ton at our show.

Yeah, we have a ton of Mongs, you know, very attractive people. A lot of Hmong fans. Yeah, but there's, I don't think, is, maybe I've met everyone. I don't know. Close. What is one that, what, you know, what I haven't met is that island where they're still tribal and they kill the Christians that try to go to the island and they kill them. Yes, the term Eskimo is considered offensive, derogatory and outdated by many indigenous

people, particularly in Kansas. Canada and Greenland, it's a colonial label. While still used by some in Alaska, it's increasingly replaced by civic group names like Inuit, Inukapak or Yupik. I'm sorry, I can't pronounce that. I know. Can I tell you a fun fact about this?

Right? So you know those Iranian Lego videos? Have you seen those? What is Lego got to say about this? This is what I'm saying. Is Lego going to sue? No, I'm going to tell you why. Yeah.

Lego is where is Lego, their headquarters? Germany, right? Denmark. Denmark, that's right. Who does Denmark run? Who does Denmark run? Greenland. Denmark, well, they're, yes. Right? Yes. And who tried to take Greenland? We did. They're not going to complain. They're not going to complain. Interesting. Interesting. But, yeah, so they're fighting their war through this as well. It's also ironic. We have a lot of Iranian friends here in Los Angeles. Yeah. That's even crazier. Yeah. I went up to Amir K last night. He had tears in his eyes. Well, it's shit. Yeah, and I walked, because his dad's in Iran.

That's right, yeah. Right, and I hugged him and I whispered in his area, and I sincerely went, I'm so fucking sorry, dude. Yeah, it sucks. It fucking sucks. And he can't even sometimes get in contact with him. Wow. Imagine that.

No, I mean, it's insane. Yeah, yeah, and he's like, he gets worried. You know what I mean? And he told me the city that his dad is in, and I've never heard of it before. I can't repeat it. I don't know what it is, but it's not Tehran. It's like, you know, in the more rural. but he's still like scared because you know what I mean

Turban he's in Turban God you're so good Turban yeah not Tehran It's what I'm doing right now It's what I'm doing right now Yeah I'm looking right at you Thank you Yeah yeah

Turban was a joke It was Well Tehran and Turban Turban It was a bad Your play on words sometimes Sometimes yeah They go be on my head

Yeah well when they go over your head It's a bummer because it misses And it doesn't miss it With the audience now No they hate it They do? I think so. Yeah, we'll clip those.

No, it is very sad. And also, you know, the end is near. So there is a feeling of end of the theater. I mean, the other day we talked about Vietnam. Bobby sat on the couch backstage and we talked about, he said, aren't you scared? Yeah. And I said, I don't know, what do you want me to do? There's nothing I can do.

Yeah, he has a really weird way of like, you know, like, if it ends, it ends. Because what, it's the same way I feel on an airplane. I can't control. control this. It's not, if the plane crashed. Yeah. Okay. But what are your thoughts right before it hits? The plane? Are you screaming or not? Are you a scream? Because I'll be screaming. No chance. You're not screaming? Oh, dude, you have night terrors, you pussy. That's not real. That's true. When it really is happening, you're not going to be screaming. You're not going to do that? Right down the home. He falls asleep on a plane and he has a night terror as it's crashed.

Don't Stop! That's double. Imagine. Imagine what you would do. Okay? I wouldn't be screaming to plane went down.

How about you, Carlos? I screamed on the way to London. Yeah, he gets very nervous on planes. I held fuck, like really loudly. It was bad. When we took a flight as a family recently, you did get a little panicked of the winds. I get nervous on planes, yeah.

But you got to know that it's fine. Oh, yeah. It just, my body doesn't realize that. But if it did crash. We're on TMZ. It's great. Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino die with other friends aboard

Oh yeah, yeah You did not even mention your names No, there's no way But like there could be like a picture And slight four Yeah, but you don't get a sign At the comedy store No

That's all you That's so funny That's the only thing I want Make God laugh I already told them You know that right Yeah, what? It's got to be up for two weeks

When you die Oh yeah Sometimes because when a comic dies They put it up for two days Two days. Sometimes it's a day. A day. I get two weeks. And they made an agreement. Peter did, sure. It's weird to replace it. It's just like you take it down and it's chocolate sundays at right after Bobby Lee, chocolate Sundays. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, that would be fucking. That would break my heart in heaven. That's a funny. Or wherever I go. It's funny. It's funny. We'll put it on our Patreon. When we die, they'll take our name down and replace it with whatever. Whatever, what's Goop's show? Terrible. Horribly funny. Horribly funny coming up this week in the store as they take down to RIP, Bobby Lee. Dude, that would break my fucking heart Well, that's what, you know, classically in Los Angeles,

the running joke was that they always did at the laugh factory. Their sign always said, make God laugh. Yeah. And then the name. Yeah. And the store would just put RIP to the person.

Yeah, yeah. But make God laugh. It's just, it's almost condescending. Yeah, but you know what they would say a laugh? Somebody told me this joke. If you died,

they would put literally, mate God, wrath. Yeah. Johnny Sanchez told me that. So funny. They're going to put. God, make God wrath.

Make God wrath. Yeah. I'll tell you in that scenario, if the plane goes down, right, that if I had a kid, I wouldn't scream because I would hold their hand and I would have to have a stoicism. But you don't have a child,

so what would you do? A scream. Yeah, you scream. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I would scream. Yeah, you got a scream. Oh, I would add a muck in there. What does this say? I'd worsen it.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, you said people giving the ick on airplanes? No, there's like, you don't want to scream when the plane goes down, so you don't give a hot girl the ick. Right, right as you're dying. Yeah. Is it somebody that you're seeing?

No. No, he's just saying in general. Yeah. If I was with a girl I was seeing seriously, I would hold their hands. Depending on what they do, I would do the same, I think. One forehead kiss. I'd say goodbye. I would do an Eskimo nose rub.

An Inuit. What? Inuit. Inuit. Sorry, my bad. That shit, I didn't wear my last hand. Inuit kiss. An Inuit kiss.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, yeah, I, you know, here's the thing, sometimes when there's really bad turbulence, I don't get scared. Because you're at the front of the plane, it's not as bad. We're in the back where it's really bad. In the back, you actually are more likely to survive. Yeah.

You know that for the front, front usually gets killed first. Yeah. Back survives. You're 35F, you're going to, you might live. You're two B. Your head is through the front window of the plane. Yeah, I, I, um. During heavy turbulence, I was.

ask for a drink. You do? It's like really, really bad. I'm always like, can I get a coffee? And they're just sitting belt in it. They're all see a building, what? Just a little coffee. One show. And they're like, it's this. Fucking insane. That's insane. No, I don't. I'm kidding. Yeah, you know. I always think of scenarios of what I would do to survive. Run to the back. No, I wouldn't run to the back. What I would do is, I think I would do this midair. You know what I mean? You stand up and do the mangyna while it's crashing?

Give everyone a laugh as the planes Go a silence of the lambs Yeah Maybe get one laugh Right Just get completely negative or something But you know I would

If it's over the ocean I would get naked Do you know why? You're going to swim? No I'd be dead So that I don't It's about in the environment

So the sharks Just eat me whole You think the clothes Without clothes And my fucking The shark comes up to be, he's like, no, he's wearing golden goose. I can't eat him. Yeah, because usually they're going to, you know, a shark's going to be on a beach and they're going to find my golden goose.

Shark comes up to you, he's like, is that a maid worn shirt? I don't want to ruin that. Yeah. Sharks are like, you know, that's like a $300 shirt. I'm not eating through that. Yeah. Yeah. Out of respect, the shark has a...

I think I would get naked so that they can eat an orca, you know what I mean? Right, they can just eat me quickly. I love how you think clothes are going to deter these animals from eating you. You're in their house. They're going to eat you. It's not that. I don't want them to get diarrhea or get a stomach Oh, you're concerned with their diet

Yes, that's smart Just eat me whole Eat me whole, one big gulp One big gulp, right? Because if they have to tear the shirt Probably they don't They just eat you bud They'll just take that with it

It's like you know Even if I had like a You know sometimes you eat a piece of candy And you get some of the wrapper in there No, I don't Same thing for sharks No, I don't Oh fuck

Can I tell you what happened to me yesterday? Please So yeah So okay so honey went to Kala's house Right so I had no one in the house. All alone. And I don't know how to cook.

Okay. And sometimes you eat healthy. Who does? Right? I've never boiled a hard egg before. I've never boiled a hard egg either. I'm being serious. I've never hard boiled an egg in my life.

You've never hard boiled an egg. Not interested in it. I like them. I like them if I can go get them and they're made. I don't want to make it at home. I tried. It's so hard. That's why it's called bird boiled eggs.

Something more horrifying happened when I did it though. What? So I went to chat GPT And I'll never go back to chat GBT again to like teach me how to cook something Because they're wrong It's wrong? It's wrong

Okay And number two I'm boiling them And I see one of the eggs And sticking out of the egg Is a fucking feather What? A balut?

You throw a blute in there And I'm like What the fuck And I have a photo of it Yeah Yeah You're not gonna Send it to Carlos

So we can look at it together All send it at Carlis right now. Store bought eggs occasionally have feathers on them. It's less common in the United States

due to industrialized washing processes. These feathers are incidental remnants from the natural nesting and laying process sometimes surprisingly are generally safe.

You could eat it? You ever crack an egg and then the shell gets in there and you're tired you're like, I'll just eat it. I'll eat the shell. It does not matter. It doesn't matter?

It's cooked. What's going to happen? It's just a little shell. You poop it out. You'll grind it up. So this is the picture of the egg that was hard boiled at your house. Yeah, so go to the first picture.

Oh my God. Yeah. and that was sticking out of the egg. See the one little white hair right there. There was an opening, right? And there was a feather coming out. Ooh, I just got the shivers. Ooh, I, ooh.

I know. I don't know why I'm getting it. I still ate it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, I still ate it. It's still good. The eggs. Well, I open it and there's not, like, it's not pollute.

There's not like, you know what I mean? Because if that happened, I would probably sue. So now did this make you never want to hard boil again? I can never cook it again. No more hardboil. Also, when I opened it, it was all gooey. You know what I mean? it was all good because I didn't know how

because ChachyPD fuck me up Why don't just buy them pre hard boiled To be fair Okay go ahead Andre It is putting an egg on water Yeah And boiling the water for 10 minutes That's it

That's as complicated as No you say it like it's easy Yeah yeah yeah You say it like it's easy But when you've never done it before So this is what Chatsy TV said If I may argue Go off okay

Yeah Chat GPD said put it in cold water right all three eggs yeah right similar to a boil yeah

then count eight minutes yes okay I did the same exactly the way they said to do it you do 10 minutes instead of 8 and that's it

right but the Chechibati said anywhere from 7 to 10 minutes so for me it's like oh I'll do pull it out eight and a half nine minutes that makes sense you know I mean

yeah because I don't want super hard or boiled right You know what hard-boiled? You know what I don't know what happens if you overcook it. I don't think anything. Oh, okay. I don't know.

Nothing happens? No. The fart smell ruminates for longer. Okay. Because it will, it does make your house smell. All right, so I can buy hard-boiled eggs at the store. I think that's what I'm going to do for them. They're bagged.

We get these at the house. Yeah, but I don't know if they're processed because I get free range. Vital farms, baby. Right. Okay, good. Ethical eggs, happy hens. All right. That's what I'm going to do from now on.

Ethical eggs, happy hens. Yeah, you don't need to do it anymore. We had Chinese food the other night, by the way. Chinese food is some of the greatest food in the world. When it goes in the fridge, it does something to the fridge. I don't know what it does to the fridge, but it makes all the other food smell like Chinese food. I don't know how they've done that. Something in the chemical makeup of Chinese food doesn't do that with ramen, not Indian, not Thai.

Chinese food goes in the fridge. Everything in your fridge is Chinese food now. Can I ask you a question? I had a piece of celery. It was Chinese food. I wanted celery with peanut butter. I was eating Chinese food. It was bamboo for some reason.

Can I ask you what brand of refrigerator you have? I think it's a sub-zero. Is that right? I actually don't know the brand of the fridge. I'm sub-zero. Yeah. I have a scorpion fridge as well. Oh, you do?

When you open it, it goes, get over here. That's what I have. Finish him! Yeah. What says that about your meals? Finish your meals. All you can eat. Yeah.

I don't know. I think that's my fridge. Do you have a nice fancy fridge? There's no self-circulating thing or in there or no? Self-circulating? Yeah, yeah. What does that mean? Kind of just a way that the... Don't laugh at McCone. I'm not a scientist. Why are you laughing at him, McCone? Yeah.

It's like the way self-circulating sounds. You have a mini-fridge. You don't even have a full fridge at your house. You have a little mini-fridge? What do you put in there? His mini meals. Oh, you have mini meals in there. Peanut butter for sure. Jelly for sure. How does Brad Williams not have his own brand of mini-fridge?

I know. You should do that. A self-circulating ground fridge is a sustainable non-electric cooling system that utilizes underground temperatures to store food similar to traditional root cellar. Oh, do you have one of those? Wow, that's very nice. No electricity needed for your fridge. No, I have what you have. It doesn't circulate.

Oh, it does not. Yeah, yeah. I think because I'm Asian, I'm just used to everything tasting like Chinese. Everything always tastes like Chinese. Like the old milk tastes like Chinese, yeah. Do you still put a box of baking soda in the freezer? Why would you do that? Do you not know about this?

No, tell me everything. So look, he's nodding. That's a Midwest thing. You put batteries in the fridge? Batteries you put in the fridge, yeah. I buy them at the store. But you put them in the fridge and keeps them longer. They can last a long.

I'll buy them at the store. Right. You know what I do? Placing an open box of baking soda in the freezer is an effective natural way to neutralize orders preventing food from absorbing strange smells. It is funny. For some reason, you just open the box and it just makes your freezer not smell. It's old, this is old white people stuff.

It's like putting your guy. I loved, because you know what? You never learned this. Not only that. Like, I want to learn the ways. The ways of the whites? The ways of the whites. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And this is the first information you gave me for the way of the white. I'll give you a couple more more. Yeah, so baking soda in the freezer. Give me more way of the whites. Put your jeans in the freezer for one full day and you can get rid of it. Like if say you go to Vegas, you get, yeah, but what if, what if, can I, I'm sorry. I'm just going to say if you get smoke on your jeans, cigarette smoke and like you say you go to a place that it just like stinks them up.

But they're not dirty. You didn't sweat in them. Yeah. But you don't want to wash them because that fucks up denim. Yeah. You fold them and put them in a freezer for like a day, a day and a half, smells gone. Okay. You never put jeans in the freezer?

That's a white people thing. I wish I would have interrupted because I had a joke. Oh, go. I can't anymore. Please. What? Please. How do I take the jeans out of my body?

So dumb. You can't go in the freezer. You're not allowed. What's other white? Might have worked when you think or no. No. No? Okay.

What's some other way of the white? Yeah, way of the white. Let's talk about way of the white. Now, is your butter on the fridge or is your butter on the counter? What? Is your butter on the counter or in the fridge? My butt is inside on my body. Another one.

Another bang. Gene. Another gene joke. Pretty good. Special two on the way. Hi, sweetheart. Pete Holmes, everybody. Pete Holmes.

How you doing? How you doing? My name is Andrew Rice Clay. Talk space. Oh, boy. I love therapy. It changed my life. And I think businesses like Talk Space is so important.

Especially what's going on now in the world, feeling our people are feeling anxiety, stress. You know what I mean? They're freaking out. They are, but you know what it is now? What? May. Do you know what May is?

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No way. Yes, dude. Yeah, wow. Well, I got to tell you, Bobby and I are both big proponents on this show. We've talked about our mental health. We really do love, love the ability we have to talk to someone. It's amazing. And I think you should take care of yourself, not just this month, but every month,

but especially this month with TalkSpace. Talkspace is in network with most major insurance plans. But if you pay out of pocket, as a listener of this podcast, you're going to get $80 off your first month with Talkspace. When you go to Talkspace.com slash bad friends, enter that promo code, space 80. That space 80, S-P-A-C-E-80 to match with a licensed therapist today, go to Talkspace.com slash bad friends and enter promo code Space 80. Avocado Green Mattress. When I stayed at the Airbnb in Palm Spring. Yeah.

Right. All the mattresses were avocado green. That's why you got one in your house too. Yeah. And I love avocado green mattresses. All right. When I invest in something for my home, I wanted it to last. Well, I'm so excited to tell our fans about our sponsor, avocado green mattress.

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Go to avocado green mattresses.com slash bad friends to check out their mattresses and furniture sale. That's avocadogreenmatress.com. slash bad friends. Avocado green mattress.com slash bad friends. Shopify. We wouldn't have an online business. We wouldn't have one without Shopify. Shopify is the best. Um, get started with your own designs to do. don't you? I mean, my dream as a young man was always having a design studio with hundreds of ready to use templates. Shopify helps you build and beautiful online store that matches your brand style. Well, here's the deal. No matter how big or small your business is, you need to accelerate your efficiency, whether you're

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That's exactly right. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at Shopify.com slash bad friends. That's Shopify.com slash bad friends. Shopify.com slash bad friends. Ladies and gentlemen, Pete Holmes, Pee-D-P-D-Pee-D-Pee-D-Pee. I'm so happy to be. All right. So before you came, we were talking about.

Before you start. I want to give a shout out to Pete, one of our oldest friends in the business, who's a phenomenal comedian, who has a, who has a special right now available out right now on you to but com. YouTube.com. We're going to put the link of the description down below but please go watch Pete Specialies. Please do watch it. Thank you. One of the funniest people on planeters. I really appreciate that. Thank you, Slampino. Well, you know I mean it. Okay, ask him away. Okay. So before you got to here, I want to learn the way of the white. You want to learn the way of the white?

I was coaching him on way of the whites. So what happened was I brought up baking soda in the freezer, which is a way of the, that's a white thing. It's a way of the white. In the fridge, you mean? You can do both. Okay, very white. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, I can go half white? I'm only half white. Okay. That's very white. That's very white. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Ginger, double white. Ginger, double white.

What's another way of the white? Double white. Let me guys. You do polish your baseball glove? What, polish is such an insane. No, we oil it. Yeah, you oil it. Put a band around it, although the Asians are huge in baseball.

The Japanese. Okay. Yeah. I know you're Korean. First of Korean. You're, you're, Koreans love baseball. What?

Koreans love baseball. Nimi one famous Korean baseball player. Johnny Chan. Johnny Chan. He's so good. He can do anything. He's for the Astros. Anything that's a gamble.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is a way of the white? I want to answer that question. Well, I'm trying to think stuff like this. Like in Penny Loafers, we actually would put pennies in the penny loafers. That's a way of life. I was with subtle, pretty good name drop, Judy Greer. Let me grab this.

Do you know who Judy Greer is? Oh, well, she was in one of the one of them. of my favorite Tarantino movies. Is that Judy Greer? Is she in a Tarantino movie? I don't think so. That's Pam Greer. Oh, that's Pam Greer. And they are sisters. Pull up two photos. You know Judy Greer from Arrested Development? Oh, I know Judy. Yeah, yeah. She's very, very funny and wonderful. And one of my dear friends, she outwited me, I think, with the loafers, because if she sees a penny on the street, we all know if you see a penny pick it up all the day, you'll have good luck. You know that? Yep. But then she knew a second verse, which is like, put the penny in your

shoe and good old things will happen to you. That's awesome. And I'm walking around with her and she's like, oh, this penny in my shoe. And I'm like, why do you have a penny in the shoe? That's, that's double white. Yes. How are, how are the queries with buying Girl Scout cookies? If I see Girl Scout cookies for sale, I'm like, this is way of the white. I have to buy. You must buy. We don't do it because of the chemicals and all. It's the worst made, in terms of unhealthiness, the Girl Scout cookie. No. Oh, yeah. Really? Oh, yeah. It's the most unhealthyest cookie you can buy.

Tell me why? Sorry, Backstreet. Real quick, tell me why. Tell me why. Real quick, BBB. Yeah, BBBs. Science. Okay, science. Yeah, yeah.

Look up girls' called cookies if they're unhealthy because I like eating them a lot. And I do like supporting little tiny white girls with their parents. Do you ever have Samoa Samoan? I'll only eat Samoas with Samoans. I have to go to the Pacific Island. All I need is an inflatable chair and an unreliable mic sound. And I'll have a good time on a Sunday. What is it said?

Ooh, reports claimed in 2005 safety allegations claimed trace amounts of heavy metals like mercury in caramel delights. Nobody eats those. And pesticides like glyphosate. Get to the Samoans. Many flavors are high and saturated fats containing more than 20% of the daily value of valor. This is nothing. That's nothing. This is nothing.

I need like lot. It's not sugar. It's lie. The Guardian up top maintains. Up top maintains. Up top. Maintain the cookies are safe to eat. Ooh, I love that you couldn't spell particularly. Just. Oh my God.

He'll type in Google into the Google bar. I've done that. You ever, you're in a trance and you yelp, yelp, yelp. So I was wrong about that. I will get them from now on. Thank you. What about, okay. Okay.

I just went on a talk show and they had these bars called David bars. Yeah. I was like, you know David bars? Yeah. That's not a white thing. It's not a white thing. Well, don't worry. I'm going to white it up.

Okay. I will reliably wipe this up. Okay. I pay my taxes quarterly. That's pretty white. Same. Never done that. That's very good.

This is socioeconomic tension. You can see quarterly. I'm glad I introduced socioeconomic tension. I'm not the right. I'm not the right. I'll read. No, no. We'll read.

Remind. I'll re- Listen. You should tell your business manager, do you get really overwhelmed every time this time of year with a huge payment? Bobby has no idea how much money is in his bank account at any given time. I would definitely be fleecing Bobby, wouldn't you? 100%. I've told him so much time. His business manager is stealing.

Just a little off the top. I've called this man. I call this man. No, don't get nervous. I'm joking. I don't think they would because they'll go to jail if they're doing it. They're not really doing it. He's about 86 years old.

He lives in Marina del Rey. He runs the business out of his apartment. I've called him. It's insane. Oh, the business manager. Okay, yeah. I've called him and I go, hey man, I think we need to fund the bad friends account.

We're about to go back out and we're going to pay for some stuff. Takes him about a month and I have to get back to us. I love that. Yeah. I love that for no one. He's like, I got to go chisel the gold out of this tomb I'm keeping it in. It's, dude, honestly, you're getting stolen from 100%. Oh, no.

Don't worry about that. I want to keep Bobby Light. I want to keep Slammy light. I want to keep Bobby Light. Look at this face. I don't know. I'm teasing. He's a reliable, wonderful person.

We're making a joke. It's a comedy show. It's a comedy show. It's a comedy show and what it is, David Wars. So if you look at a David Barr, it says it has 30 grams of protein or something and it has 150 calories. Guess what that is? Impossible. Yeah.

That's like chemically impossible. And I Googled it because I had to know. I was like, are David Barr's lying? And it's like, yes, they have like 300. I don't know this, by the way. Don't fucking come after me, you chiseled CEO, you gorgeous man with fucking muscle tone from all your impotis. to even do that. I mean, protein itself is pretty high in calories.

That's one of the problems. Well, it's one of actually the benefits of it if you're using it. Right, but also. I should be asking you, you secret muscle. Can we go back to the way of the white? Can we go back to the way of the white? Well, first of all, you brought up that. Why is that white?

Well, that's not. I would argue. Why did you say? It's not. I said, I'll keep it white just by being me. Protein bars are inherently a white guy snack. This is a hundred. I do not see.

I eat them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you associate with whites and you're dating a white. How about a gallon of milk on the table? On the dinner table. Never done that. That's the way of the white. Oh, good.

Way of the white. I also can I observe, there's an observation I've had ever since a kid. You guys make up your own language. Tell me. We don't understand. Tell me what do you mean? Well, I saw the movie. Like particularly spelling it correctly.

You didn't misspell it. Join, join me in the hot tub. Yeah. May God wrath. Anyway, uh. That's going to be my, when I died. At the Laugh Factory, that's what's the same thing. Is that prearranged?

Yes, prearranged. Oh, big God, Ralph. Yeah, yeah. What's our language that we try to hide stuff from you in? Well, I first noticed it in the 70s as a kid. Okay. I saw the movie Greece. We talked about this already, right?

But I'm going to say it again because Pete's new to this. I'm new to this. Right? I'm new to this. And I realize that you guys have your own language from a song. We come together like shama, shama, shama, shama. Ding me dong. That's your own.

white language. That sounded, yeah. There's a riff here, but I don't want to risk my career for it. Do it. Do it. Yeah, I go know. I want to hear him say Shama Lama Lama Ding Dong again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go ahead. Is that racist? No. Right. And nobody's saying or thinking

anything. Yeah, there's like Shama Lama Lama ding any ding ding ding don't. That's your own language. Nobody's sounds like you guys. No, okay. That was the riff. That was the riff. I won't do it. I have too much to lose. We can't even say. We can't even say it. We can't even say it. What's now?

Okay. We are come to two. Oh, you mean physically. We can't even say it. So that's your language. We can't say it. We can't even physically say it. Yeah, but we stole that from like jazz and soul that we're making up words.

That's right. Well, give me a soul singer that was saying. Stevie-de-bap-bop-bid. Oh, that's right. I mean, we stole that. So black people have their own. Here's white, cinnamon toast crunch. What do you, what are you?

That's interesting. Yeah, yeah. You know, I've been. Honey Nut Cheeros is a little bit whiter. Cheerios. Yeah. Cheerios. I think regular life is white.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Not cinnamon, but regular life. Just regular life is white. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's crazy to say. Well, it is. I knew you meant the cereal, though. No, no.

I meant the whole philosophy of life. Remember that great Seinfeld bit where he goes, the goal to call your cereal life. How about a bowl of almighty God? How about that? You don't know this bit? Because if you don't like it, you can go to hell. Yeah, that's a great bit.

Is it? It is a good. You're not sure. I hate it. I hate it, I fucking hate it. It's one of those bits that you go, I don't know, but then you do like it. Well, how about this?

I'm a Wheaties guy. Wheaties? That's ours. That's ours for sure. Is that you for sure? Send him in live. What else? I think weedies is the ultimate immigrant.

Like you come to America and you're like, I'm going to fucking be on the Wheaties box. I mean that, when I say immigrant, I mean that in the most positive way. Like Shoha Otani? He's probably on the Wheaties box. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The Marty supremacy? Did you guys see the Marty supremacy? Yeah, yeah.

Oh, he was the best Jason. Born. In his box? I hope so. Who? Shohay, he's not on there. Golden Grams? Golden Grams is white.

I love Golden Graham. Is that white or a range? It kind of has an Eastern flavor. Like you must get past the Golden Graham. Yeah, like a gate. Like a what? Look up Golden Green's a box. If you said nothing.

What was it? Because they had it, they used to have a brown bear as their mascot. Remember that guy? Why they never saw him? No, no, no. That's a golden. Can't get enough super golden crisp. Super golden crisp.

Golden crisp. All right. So I would, did I get through all of the way of the whites? No, there's so many more things. I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, microwaving your coffee. That's a way of the white. That's a mom white.

We've never done that. Mom white. Wow. Changing. How about this? Putting gas in your car before it gets to empty. That is remarkably. That took my breath away.

That is such a white guy. Okay, I don't even. I don't even understand what you said. So say it's slowly to me. Putting gas in your car before it gets to E. Yeah, yeah. You wait. It's got to be blinking.

A hundred percent. Yeah, yeah. The light. No, the way of the white. I've never seen the gas light in my car. Oh, wow. Because can I say this? I fill up gas in the same way they had washed my car or get a haircut.

It's based on mood. It's mood. I'm in a great mood. Fill it up. That's insane. I'm full of it. Fill it up. You know, my car says one mile left.

That's when I fill it up. What kind of car is it? It's a Hyundai. Make the joke. I won't. It's a great car. Did you make the car? Did you make the car?

Clip it. Is this live? Yeah. Do you clip? We edit. Yeah. Yeah, we clip. We're on the top podcast in the world.

No, I know. I know. I know. You don't even insults. Why? Why do you think I would be here promoting my special? Why do you think I would be here promoting silly, silly fun boy? Please watch Silly Silly Funboy right now on YouTube.

Top of the hour here on bad friends. Pete Holmes from Silly Silly Silly Funboy. Welcome back to Top of the Hour. It's 1009 in the PM. Did you know that's a get? It's against the law. Like, because radio used to be used for like, it still is used for like Army and that sort of stuff.

You have to say who you are. That's an old law. Like if you do like serious or whatever, terrestrial raid, not serious. They have to go like, WKBL, top of the hour, 459, because people would be like in the old days they'd be like,

who are you identify us out? Really? Because Army used it as well. You're cramming up the frequency and they'd be like, it's oldies, 103.3. WZILX. They have.

What year is this? That's what I'm saying. That was, World War II, I imagine. Yeah. War II. So you couldn't hear,

what do you go? Pearl Harbor. I will say you guys have a magic. How come you didn't pick up that frequency? You have a magic. Yeah, you mean? We did. Benedict Cumberbatch.

Yeah, yeah. Crack the code. Yeah. Nice try. You didn't get that frequency? We had a lanky gay. Cracked her code. I didn't hear that one.

Yeah, you should have heard. Yeah, you should have heard that. So you're raiders won't come back then. What? That's another way of the way. What's your key? What is your code? your common go-to code if you're doing a radio

impersonation. WKBBL. As if we all have one. Isn't that fun? WKQX. I just love WKQX because I never can't remember. I literally don't have one. This is a way of the way. This is a way of the way.

Being ready to have a fake. I'm LLBD. Is that a good one? I wanted more for a lanky gay cracked your code. Like that? None of us saw the imitation. I loved it. So fun. So fun.

But what bragging rights? I got one. Fucking big ass army generals are like, we got a lanky gay on your code. I was like, how fun is that? How fun is that the general had to shake hands with someone he probably had an issue with? Yeah. In those days?

Right. And he was like, good job. Gotta hand it to you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The steak. Yeah, I love it. I feel with it. Mac and cheese with butter.

That's a white thing. That's, you add a little extra butter. Anything on the mac and cheese box it says if you want to make this a little bit better. Butter. That's the way. I use saracha. No, that we've co-opted that. Oh, you did?

That's yours? Saracha mayo. Yeah. That's what we call it. And you know why this is. You blend the white with the age, Saratamamea. You guys took Bill Cosby. We love Cosby.

We stand by. What if I read it? I open my shirt and says, I stand by stand. Stand with Bill. I stand with Bill. Did you, you want to cut that out? I don't stand with Bill. You don't need to cut that out.

It's a bit. Okay. I don't stand with Bill. I think that's fair. Jeffrey Dahmer, I'm not too hot on. But there are some blacks you take. There's some blacks? Yeah, yeah.

And you own. That's ours. Like, Whitney Houston. Oh, like the racial draft? You own her? Not own her, but like, this is our... Claim. Tina Turner.

Claim. Tina Turner. You claimed her. Like... Rolling on the fucking river, she's everybody's. I know, but the thing is, is that she... I know what you're trying to say. What am I trying to say?

You're trying to say, it's like that Chappelle show, the racial draft, kind of. Yeah, but the one you're thinking of is like, Allo Black. I'll give you that. That's probably a white guy. Like Will Smith pre-slap was the ultimate. Every white person was like, that's our guy. Yeah. Like, we liked her.

Yeah, that's what you do. My friend... You go... That's my guy. Joe Mandy called him. Joe Mandy and Noah Garfinkel called him Blom Blanks because he was black Tom Hanks. Blom Blanx.

Blom slapped somebody. What do you do in McClap? OJ. OJ was, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm not black, I'm OJ. That's what he meant. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Yeah, yeah. George Foreman, how many grills do I have to sell?

Yeah, you guys took him. You guys took him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We loved him. Yeah. Is he dead? Yeah. See?

We don't know. We don't know. I don't know. And we're going to look it up. And by the way, if he's not dead, he will be soon because this show has killed. How many people have we killed? Maybe seven or eight, truly? Yeah, we speak. Really? The Pope, yeah. But there are some of celep, but there are some syllables that we take. Syllabres? Asians, celebrities. No, he's alive. 76. Yeah, yeah, rest in peace, I should say when this comes out. Wow. No, it says he died. He died. He died. He died. Yeah, he died. Yeah, he died. So in the time in which I read that and said that, he died. That's how good we are. Yeah.

We took Bjork. Bjork is dead? No, but we claim Bjork. Oh, as age? No. As an Asian. Where are you on Mark Paul Gossler? He's part Japanese.

We take him. You can't have Bjork. I'm just kidding. I love Markle. Bjork is every weird white person. But I do want you to suck his dick. You suck him? In part season two?

You mean, the college years? Is that the guy from heated rivalry? No. Fuck. Mark Paul Gossler? Mark Paul Gossler is the wonderful, the incomparable. I hate to compensate. Zach Morris, but that's what you might know by the bell.

Let me see it. Say it by the bill. There he is. And he's a half Asian. No, he's got, that looks a court. That's a court to me too. That's a court to me too. That's a court too low. Yeah, yeah, it's a court too low. He's more Marco Rubio. We did a sketch on my show where he played Ryu, Ryu. Oh. And because we were like, oh, okay, he's somewhat Japanese. So that's okay. I think that's okay. But then he came on and the joke was that I was firing him because no one knows what he's saying. We're like, when you do the kick thing, it's like, what are you saying?

I don't like asparagus. I don't like an aberagat, right? Yeah. But he learned the Japanese so well that it ruined the bit and we had to come up with another angle. His mother was a tiny little Indonesian woman, it says. Oh, I'm sorry, he's not Japanese. Nice try, Pete.

Nice try, Mark Paul. I blame him. Why don't you call me? I didn't know you at the time. Okay, fair enough. Although, do you think you'd be a good Ryu? Yeah. I think it would be.

Have you seen a picture of... Pull it up. Pull it up Ryu. This is like me claiming I'm ready to be Zengif. I don't think so. We got a good Blanca right here. Blanca's just a redhead.

Oh, Rio from Street Fighter. You'd be a good... You could be... You got to Google it. I got it. Yeah, I don't know. Okay. Yeah, I just...

Yeah, I would be. You think so. Yeah, yeah. Wait, you're looking at the same thing I'm looking at? Yeah, I am looking at because I'll tell you this, why? You're more of a dulcine. You del seam like a dalseem to me.

I'm chin Lee. I'm Chinley. Chun Lee. I'm Chunley. I don't think you got those shoulders up and on. You don't have the thighs for Chun Lee, bro. Chun Lee is built. She's got tree trunks, brother.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was one of my first, that's one of the first representations of thick. T-H-I-C-C- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Loved it. So, that girl. Make her, not make her, but have her, invite her to do the spinning bird kick and ask her. A couple good pauses.

You got yourself a jerk, my man. You got yourself a heated rivalry, my man. Hey, hey, stop looking at that. Stop looking at the porn aspects of this. That is porno. Blur off, blur off. I'm just kidding. Between her and Jessica Rabbit,

Jessica Rabbit for me was... Jessica Rabbit changed a generation. Yeah. My brother was in a picture with Jessica Rabbit. We went to Disney, I guess. That's a Disney franchise. And I picked the one where I'm in the car and Roger Rabbit is flying out.

He picked the one where he's in the trench coat and Jessica Rabbit. They imposed her over the... the photo. It's a picture with Jessica Rabbit, but they're supposed to be standing so close that her boobs are pushing up against you. But he was so shy, bless him, that he stood at a distance. In the picture, it just looked like

her boobs were levitating for no reason. He was too shy to mashing. Mom was watching. He sexualized it for nine-year-old boys. That's what she was there. And April O'Neill. April O'Neill. April O'Neill was the April O'Neill was the April O' deal, bro. Clip it. Clip it. Jessica Rabbit real fast against we can see a photo of her.

I mean, she was stunning. Let's see if we can get this. to Full Mast. What do you think, big boy? I know. And incredible, that actor, what was his name that's against her? Bob Hoskin. And then Cool World was like, oh, you like that? How about this with Brad Pitt and where I like Pass?

Pass. We didn't like it. Pass. It just didn't like it. Cool world is to who framed Roger Rabbit as Dark City is to the Matrix. Whoa. I mean, what I love Dark City though. What I just pulled.

So is that cool world? Yeah, I guess. I don't know. Yeah. Dark City was fun, but it wasn't. It's not the Matrix. My cartoon crushes Wilmo from the Flintstones. Nice.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was more of a betting. I'm being real. Wilma's okay. This is why you and I have a good relationship. I like that. That looks like a fish. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, I always liked cargo. She's sexy. No, she is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think they designed her. And also, Fred looks Asian. Fred, in that one. I think in general,

I always looked at Fred Flintstone and I go, oh, that's an Asian. Fred Frinstone. Fred. Bonnie? There is? He doesn't look Asian? Yabodabadoo.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. See, if Shane Gillis had been sitting next to an Asian, no controversy. No controversy. Exactly right. It's called the Rupole. It's the Rupole. Crippett.

Crippett. Crippett, Cripp. Silly, silly, silly fun boy on YouTube now, Crippitt. Watch Silly Silly Fun Boy on YouTube right now with Speed Home. WKBL. That is an interesting point, though. I don't think he would have been in that much. trouble if I was there.

He wouldn't be, no trouble. Yeah. No trouble. Don't you think? I don't remember what he said in the court. I don't want to dig into this again. Also, it was like the best thing in his career was not going to S&O. He got to fly as free as he wanted to fly and then he got to make his own television show and then became the most famous comic of the world.

So ironically it was a good thing. Yeah. It wasn't, it's not just ironically. It's, it's, I mean, there's something kind of lovely about it. It's beautiful. It's a life lesson actually. It's a life lesson. Yeah, yeah.

To have fun. Nothing's that serious. Silly silly silly fun boy right now on YouTube. Yeah, there you go. Everything is fake and comedy is supposed to be fucking stupid. Shane did my new faces that I was hosting. Yeah. And I went up to him. I feel like an idiot because I went up to him.

I didn't say like, you got it, kid. But it's funny when you're encouraging someone who's on the precipice of like Exploder startup. And I'm like, oh, I'm being such a good older comedian. I'm like, you got something, man. Like he really murdered. Yeah.

He murdered. He's so funny. And his set was really, I think this side of the line, not like over the line, but it was like edgy. And it's like this show. You know, new face. You're supposed to like, everybody's toe in the line. He went a little long and he did, I don't know if you know that bit about like you got to hand it to the guy that came up with the Special Olympics.

Yeah, yeah. So he did his set and then he was like, all right, I'm probably shouldn't do this one, but I'm going to do it. And he did it. Yeah, yeah. Killed. It was like the sound of a standing ovation. It's a bunch of idiots. So like, you know, I'm not idiots, but you know, it's agents and people that aren't.

Idiots. Yeah, you said it. Beat. Double it down. And but they, it murdered. And I just, him and John Marco Seraci both closed two of the nights that I was there. Wow. And I was just like, what?

And Laura Peek, there were a lot of great people. Wow. You know these people? Oh yeah. What did you do? You're at the store. You're at the store. And I'd like to see you coming around the store a lot.

That's my favorite thing to see. I've been around. I was there. I like you. I kill in the main room and then I go and do eh in the original room. You know what I do one about me? What? My mind goes.

Film it. Film it. Flip it. Dude, what's wrong with you today? I don't know. I wanted to burn you. I want it to burn you. I love you, Bobby.

Because all you, you know what I mean? You just, you know, we have a relate, you know? I know, I love you. But I've said this about you before when you're thinking, you look like you're getting ready to pounce. Yeah, here's the thing. And I get defensive and I'm like, I better make fun of it. He is an attack mode. No, no, that's not true.

That's true. So I've had this. Okay. Yeah, what, your hands. I'm not, I'm not an attack mode. Look at your hand. Look at your claws. Your claws are out.

You're this close to a hidden dragon. I'm going to adjust my attitude. This week, right, I've had some beefs with three people. And in my mind, I'm like, am I the, remember when I asked, out loud. You said, am I the problem? Yeah, am I the problem? With all your beefs. Yeah, and I really thought about it.

There was a common theme. And even that little retort you and I had, right? Do you have beef with me? No, I have zero beef with you. Yeah. So do you think it's because I'm about to pounce? No, I think it's, do you want the true answer? I want the true answer.

come in, I go, Bobby, and I mean this in the best way, is it like a wild man? Like, if I had five, if the doors of the elevator are closing, I'm going to go see Bobby Lee tonight. They get off the elevator. Who's that? Oh, he's kind of like a wild man. That's what I would say. Wow. So a wild man means you don't know in the best way, because entertainment is surprise. You're always surprising. So I do think I go like, I want to, I want to see where I'm at with Bobby. I'm going to send these sonar pings. Is he kind of, is he grumpy? Is he happy? Is he silly? Is he funny? What's going to do so I send out these little tests and then I go oh I got sweet Bobby yeah this is the child of you know yeah abuse and trauma yeah yeah that's what trauma does I mean Dan Levy last night looked right

at me and goes I think you have a mental illness Dan Leevy Dan Levy you know Dan Levy you know Dan Levy you know Dan Levy you know Dan Levy you don't know Dan Levy no I'm saying which one though there's two Dan Levy's well there's Eugene son yeah that's Eugene Levy are you that guy no Dan no Dan Levy our friend He tours it with Mullaney. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. He looked right at me and goes,

I think you have a mental illness. What was the context? Bobby was pissing in his mouth. You dirty bitch, I think you're mentally ill. No, last night, the whole night, I was wearing these types of glasses at the comedy store and I did the Italian thing all night long. Yeah.

I wouldn't stop in the green room. If that's mentally ill. Hey, that was a good said, David Spade. If that's mentally ill, I, I'm right next to you. Okay. I heard that Chris Fleming, I listened to him on Barbiglia's Working It Out podcast,

and somebody heckled Chris Fleming where they went, let's go Weird Al. And today, my wife was on the phone with her brother, and I just kept going, let's go Weird Al. And then I texted him, let's go Weird Al. Fleming? No, no, no, just my brother-in-law. And then I shot a video of my daughter going,

let's go Weird Al and texted it to my brother. Yeah. Just this is the byproduct of creativity. Sometimes I'm completely on your side. Shame on you, Dan Levy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Levy? Levy.

Yeah. Shame on you, Dan Levy. No, no, no, no. He was kidding, he said. Okay. He was laughing. Well, so was that shame on you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think it was on me. But I got my hands and knees. I promise, I don't know. Who are the people you have beef with? Well, here's the thing. Robbie Hoffman. 100%. Yeah, but then later that night she texted.

You got net. Well, she loves you, but there's a tension. Yeah, but I didn't do anything. Sometimes you don't have to. Okay. Eric Andre. That one's real. Yeah, but we're good now because he just he just said, let's go on tour together. That's right. Again, same thing. Oh, same thing. So close to kissing. Yes. Like fighting, fighting, fighting, fighting. Love and hate. Yeah, but I think when we're on podcast or I'm Why did you have beef with Eric? I have no idea. He thinks this happened, which just didn't happen.

He called me about this. It did happen. He ripped your shirt and you got mad about that. He ripped. No, no, no, his beef from 25 years ago. Oh, the original. Yeah, yeah. Aged beef? Yeah, it's aged beef. It's got a nice layer of mold on it. Cut that off and you get underneath for that. You bury it. It's snow beef. Snow beef. From Japan.

Have you already snow beef? No. From Japan? Snow beef. It melts right in your mouth. Oh, wow. Not in your hand. But it...

Who knew Eminem stirred for moo and moo? I said stood wrong. You want to clip that one or no? You can clip it. Put that one in the trash. But Eric Andre's accusation is that we both auditioned for MadTV. I got it. He didn't get it. And he thought that I changed my relationship with him.

That was kind of standoff version. Weird. I don't remember being like that. How old is he nine? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I think it's perception. That was like 30 years ago. I think a lot of times we have certain perception. Yeah.

Right? You'll see somebody have a bad day, but you take it personally or something. You know what I mean? We don't see the world how it is. We see the world how we are. And now we're on my podcast. Yeah, yeah.

And I just turned this into you made it bad, friend. Yeah, but that is it. Is this a good wink? It's a very good wink. I don't like it. I hate it. I don't like when you wink. You're not a wink guy.

You guys are a wink. He's a wink guy. Do I wink? Do the glasses and show him the wink. Take the glass off. Look at this wink. Love that wink. Yeah.

What was that? That's a wink. Are you showing me where the moonshine is? Are you a fucker? You look like Tucker Carlson right now. All whites look like Tucker Carlson. Ah, the way of the white. Except the Blancas.

Yeah, the Blanca's get away with it. If you hit jab and something happens, you're a Blanca. Okay. If you don't and you're white, you're a Tucker. What's going on? Okay, I'm going to give you white hand. Because before you came, me and McCone had white hand gestures. White gestures.

What they're allowed to do. Okay. Okay. So I'm just going to do them and you see if they're allowed to do it. Okay. Yeah, that's our bread and butter. Okay. That's our bread and butter.

Right, right. Still in the zone. Yeah. It might be a youth pastor, but yes. Yeah, yeah. We invented this. I know you did, right? We did.

like hang loose yeah yeah for sure now what about this so funny you're a true talent that is so funny what about this that's a no

it's a no it's a no and he did that to a girl he asked for a girl's number she said I'm a lesbian and he went like this to her that is the funniest it's insane that's like

watch it live last night yeah he saw it live last night and I go you're not you guys are like Was she black? What? Was she black? No.

No, no, no. It's getting clearer. Yeah, yeah. It's getting clearer. Did you wear a gold medal and you're on the podium? In the 70s? Were you protesting something?

I do think movies like Fantastic Mr. Fox, which I love, which has the wolf going like that. I have a frame picture of the wolf going like that. But this is different. Yeah, but it's a wolf. Wolfe can do it. Wolves can do this. No, Mama, look, Mama, Mama Luke.

They can do whatever they want. Okay, yeah, you can't do that. You can't do that. Are there other things that whites can do that? I'm whites can't do. Let me ask. And gesture wise. You know what I enjoy as a white

being folded into someone else's culture is the soul shake? If I go here, nobody's going, what are you doing? Yeah. What's a soul shake? Dapping someone up. It's just like a...

Dapping someone up. When you go like this. You know what a soul shake is. I don't know if we should call it soul shake. Yeah. We should not. Yeah, yeah. That's like the abonics of...

Right. Which we learned. Which we learned is it. Look up is soul shake a bad term. It sounds like it. I think just dapping. someone up is what they say now. Soul shake is inherently...

Back here, run. Is not inherently bad or offensive. Yeah, I've always thought that that's like when, you know, that clip of Obama, he's shaking hands, he's shaking hands, he's shaking hands, and he gets to the black guy and they do that. Yeah. One of my favorite clips.

I love that. Nature, nature. So years ago, I was... Yeah, that's just you wonder. It's like, oh, this guy gets it. Well, I like anything that implies kinship. Right. And if somebody's, that's why I'm saying,

I know that I'm being folded in to someone else's culture, but I enjoy that in any way. not trying to be funny. If I came to your house and had a traditional Korean meal, I would really love that. I would be honored, and I should have said honor.

Yeah, yeah. We also have meatloaf and chicken pot pie as well. I understand. Those are ours. You guys love stopers. I know, but that's me folding you into mine. Or let me ask you. CPP is a white thing.

Chicken pot pie is our meal. You done with CPP? You know me. Clip it. I love the CPP. Anyway, Pete, it's really good. Pete, look in that camera. Wait, we have to end on a laugh.

Yeah, we have to end on a laugh. Okay, let's try to figure it out. Something. You want to do an improv game? How did we end it? I'm just, look, we just did a whole section that we were like, we have to lift that out. Yeah.

Now we're back. Now we're back. And Andrew Santino has to go to a game, and Bobby's pretending that he has to leave despite his producers. I want to end on something. If not funny, I'll settle for heartwarming, friendship. Yeah. I'll settle for funny or silly. Yeah.

Do you want to play? I mean, some movies end not funny. That's true. What movie did not fun? I've seen a star is born. That's Shindlers list. It was like not funny at all. How about we can play a game.

We can play a game that I've played with Colbert. I've played with my wife. It's called Smallest Smile. Do you want to play Small Smile? And we're out of here. Yeah. How do you play it? Super easy.

You look down. And when you come back, you come back with a neutral face. We're going to go one at a time. And then you do the smallest smile. You can do it has to be. You're going to be so good at it. It has to be perceivable as a smile. I'm going to go first just to give you a sense.

I already know it. Right into the camera. Yeah. Okay. This is my camera. Ready? This is my camera. So we all do it at the same time.

No, no, no, no, one at a time. Okay. Because I want to watch and I want to enjoy. Okay, go ahead. But I'm just going to do it so you know. The key is come up with neutral and then do it. Okay, here we go.

All right. Ready? Right. I'm not going to be able to do it. You're going to be able to do it. I'm going to give you one direction. Yeah. Do less than you think.

It's almost nothing because that red, right? It has to read as a smile, but has to be small. Okay. Antinu, you're going to close us? Yeah. Okay, Bobby Lee. Ready? The point is it's hard to do without laughing.

I love that. I want to see another one, though. Do one more. Just because it's too good. Because smiles are in the eyes. Oh, yeah. It's too good. It's too good what you're doing right now.

It's hard to not do it. It's hard to do it. Although we give me one more shot. It was very good. No laughing. Less. No laughing. No laughing. All right. Do you let, and I would say do half as much. Oh, do half as much. Yeah, yeah, because you got a mustache and I'm not joking. That highlights

the smile. All right, so all right, ready? What's so funny? Ready? Very good. Very dark. Yeah, yeah. I loved you in perfect days. Go ahead. Just enough. You're so hard. Here it is. Slampino. You can be good. That's so good. That's how you get booked on Dave. That's the game. All right. And we ended on a laugh. Watch silly, silly fun boy. It's on YouTube.com. It's on thank you your website.

Watch it right now. Silly, silly, silly fun boy. It's on Pete's YouTube. And go to petehomes.com for my tour dates and follow me on social. Also say thank you for being a bad friend. And thank you for being a bad friend.