Bad Friends - Ms Pickleson & The Hot Sub

Episode Date: November 4, 2024

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Huel! This episode of Bad Friends is presented and fueled by Huel, your go-to for complete nutrition. Try Huel with 15% off today using code BADFRIENDS. BadFriends at my.huel.com slash badfriends. Hey! Scary time USA, scary time USA. You guys missed that live, you missed out

because it was probably- One of the best I've ever done. Strongest we've ever done. I think it felt so cool. It felt cool. And right now you can still watch it. You didn't get to see it live. It's not gonna be as beautiful when it's not live,

but you can still watch a edited cut of most of almost everything that we did on there at moment.co slash bad friends. Scary Time USA has also got a one-off shirts, hoodies, posters, stuff like that on the site that we're gonna stop selling after Scary Times USA is gone. So 18 days left from right now is all you got.

Go to moment.co slash bad friends. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? Who? White dude and Asian dude. Who? You two are disgusting. Who?

Oh, you two are something. We're bad friends. Oh my God. No, don't. Well, you think I'm going to vomit? Yeah. No, I'm not. Oh, God. Yeah, that's done. OK. Yeah. Yeah. So I want to apologize to

the Cobbs Comedy Club in San Francisco. I had to cancel over the weekend because I had a little vomiting scare. What happened? Oh, my. Well, that's my bedroom Because um I had a little vomiting scare what happened Well that that's my bedroom and Macon clean that what it look like after it still smells out Wait, it still smells. Yeah, it still smells. Yeah, cuz you vomit it into your carpet get a real. Yeah, I want deep Yeah, we heard of deep clean dude. I went through like five hundred dollars You gave him five hundred. Yeah of deep clean, dude? I went through like $500. You gave him $500?

Yeah, for deep clean. He gave me two. Yeah, two. You get upfront two, and then you finish the job. Yeah, 300 is deep. I went through two of those smiley sponges. Go through all of them. I did, all of them in your house.

A plethora. He barely did it. Get your own smiley sponge and bring it over. I'm not gonna give you the three until the smell's gone. He only did it for like 20 minutes. I know, 20 minutes. Go back over there right now while we're shooting. So I'm gonna tell everyone what happened.

Let's be truthful. Yeah, okay, I have no idea what happened. I mean, you canceled, you canceled Cobbs. And I apologize, I'm gonna make up the dates in February and I'm gonna give you guys the best show you'll ever have seen. All right, so that's a promise to you and I apologize. But what happened was,

I didn't know how to use the Ozempic pen and I put the four times the amount in my body. Right. Okay. Right? And so what happened before I put it in my body is I thought, well, I'm not gonna be eating, so I'm gonna have one fiesta, a Mexican fiesta.

So I brought, I got potato taquitos, carne asada burrito, guacamole, chips, right? And I gorged. Any queso? No queso. Queso. I love the queso. Oh, I love me some queso.

Do you like queso? I like queso. No, queso. Queso. Queso. Queso, see? me some queso. Did you like queso? I like queso. No, queso. Queso. Queso. Queso, see? Queso. That's how Mike Tyson says queso.

Yeah, pass me some of the queso. Yeah. So I gorged, and immediately I stuck the pin in my stomach. Yeah. Right? But what happened was, my food wasn't digested. Obviously, right when you eat, so the zympic was like,

hey, what going on in here? What's up in here, dog? What's going on in here? Oh yeah, more like this? Hey, what's going on in here? Who's this burrito guy? Yeah, so. You, out.

Burrito, out. Taquitos, out. So I. Puked all over the studio. No, when I puked, so I took a nap and I woke up gargling. Yeah, you were bubble guts. Right, so then I did the puke

at what McCone cleaned at my house. Did you not have time to go to your bathroom? Or you want- It was, cause I've never, we've lived together for, have you ever seen me vomit? Never. Wow. Yeah, I'm diarrhea guy. Yeah, that Never. Wow. Yeah, I'm diarrhea guy.

Yeah, that's your thing. Yeah, I'm the king of that. Other end. Yeah, I do the other end only, okay. Has anybody else ever thrown up at your home? No. That's the first puke in that house. Probably.

Wow. Yeah. So then I came here, then you had a little birthday cake. We had a little bit of a birthday cake. I had to eat some. You had to, it's clear. I had to eat some. And then we did the promo. I had to eat some. You had to, it's clear. Right? I had to eat some. And then we did the promo.

And I knew. We tried. Why don't we play it for the fans? Yeah, watch this. Come play with us forever and ever and ever. Bobby's breathing swallows. Look at him, big breath. Come play with us.

That's it. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Wow, keep watching, keep watching. Keep watching, keep watching. This one's the best one. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. It's so much. It's so much. Yeah, yeah. So much. Dude. I think we got it. We got it.

And let me say this. I think we got it. Are you okay? Yeah. And so, but these vomits though, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don say this. I think we got it. Are you okay? Yeah. Oh! One, two. And so, but these vomits though. That's how good.

Were violent. Yeah, that looked like it hurt. But now, every hour at home, I didn't even sleep in my room, I slept in your old room. And I left the door open so I could go right to the bathroom because the bathroom is close to the door. You just slept in the tub.

Yeah, and every hour that kind of, it was the worst 24 hours, 48 hours. Did you lose any weight? I'm still fat. And that's, you know what I mean? And that's the problem. Yeah. Yeah. Here's another thing about Ozempic

that I wanted to talk about. Yeah. Is that I'm not eating at all. And so I feel so tired because I'm not eating any protein. Since when? Because last night was a pretty good one. What do you mean? At my house you had like seven sausages.

No, I didn't. I didn't have seven. Dude. We counted. At my house, you had like seven sausages. No, I didn't. I didn't have seven. Dude. We counted. No, stop, stop. All right. I had one sausage, right? A quarter of your pretzel. No. Yeah.

You had a half a pretzel. No, I didn't. That wasn't a half. You gave me a corner. It was a half. Yeah, but I didn't finish it. Okay. I didn't finish it.

There's no proof of that. Yeah. And then I ate some of your delicious apple turnover. That turnovers are so good. With your homemade. Homemade whipped cream. Whipped cream, right? So good. Right.

So it sounds like those empics really kicking into full gear. But I only had a little bit of it. That was all I ate the whole day. You didn't have anything before. No, that was it the whole day. Okay. You know, that was my meal.

And so today when we had the, we went to a Michelin star restaurant, right? Which was very nice. And that's where I ate fish. It was the first time you had fish. Yeah, yeah, ever. And I ate some caviar. What was in there too?

We had, what was in inside of it? It was a, it was like crab, right? And some crab inside and then some eel. And so that- Eel and sticky rice. And I, this is, I swear, if you watch Naked and Afraid. Yeah, love it. Okay, you know, it's a survival show

and they haven't eaten in four days. And when they actually finally eat protein, they can feel it in their body. Sometimes they get really sick because their body's not used to it. Yeah, but sometimes they're like, I can feel, it gives them immediate energy. Not that that happened. Yeah, but sometimes they're like, I can feel, it gives them immediate energy. All right.

Not that that happened. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let it out. German sausages didn't do it for you? What I'm saying is, but you instantly feel better. Yeah.

You know what I mean? You feel like you're- Like, yeah, without today's dinner we had, I would be so tired right now. Did you eat any breakfast? No. No lunch? No. No lunch? No.

So what are you doing today? Just water? Are you drinking anything? I'm electrolytes. So like Gatorade. Yeah, and I've gotten IVs every day. Don't do that every day? Yeah, I need nausea.

You're not supposed to get an IV every day. Just three days in a row. That's every day. Exactly. That's not good. I know. And then in front of, well, they couldn't even find the hole.

You're gonna have track marks on your arm. We're gonna think you're using again. So yeah, but I needed good. I know. And then in front of, well, they couldn't even find the hole. You're gonna have track marks on your arm. We're gonna think you're using again. So yeah, but I needed the nausea medication. Oh, because you've, don't they, with Ozempic, don't they usually prescribe you antihelic stuff? No, they didn't, they didn't, they didn't. So I feel bad about the COBS, I apologize for that. And then now the big question, will I continue to use it?

I don't know yet. How long do you have to take? Don't you, isn't there, there's gotta be a minimum amount of time they need you to take it before it's, because you can't like just go right off it. It's probably really bad for you. Do you do it in the morning? You shoot yourself in the morning?

You only do it once a week. Including clinical trials, look at the side effects of, it's called semagolatude. Yeah. The active ingredient in those, people lose an average of about 5% of body weight between week six and 12. You gotta go 12 weeks.

I gotta go 12 weeks. The most benefit out of, I don't like the name, it sounds like shmegma, shmegmolatude. Scientific research suggests you need to be taking it for at least a year. I'll go a year. I don't know, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll go a year.

What are you- Chelsea Handler does it? Yeah, you guys are kind of the same. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll go here. Chelsea Handler does it? Yeah, you guys are kind of the same. Yeah, yeah. And she swears by it. But I feel like you're gonna be ugly once you're skinny. Mm-hmm, I see that. But that's not-

No, that's true. That's not the consensus on the street. Like you'll lose your attractor. Okay, let me just say something right now. The fucking Haqtuwa girl. What's her name? Haqtuwa. Hailey.

Hailey Weld. Weld, right? You know what she, and I'm gonna start a war with this lady right now, dude. Why? Because I'm gonna tell you why, okay? Okay. She's on her podcast,

and she has a couple of girls on it, right? Yeah. And they put up a photo, I guess they had put in Kim Jong-un in replace of just on her podcast. Kim Jong-un did the Haktua show? No, they fucking. We can't get Kim Jong Un?

I know. What the fuck are you guys doing? Right, and then they go, we didn't know you had Bobby Lee on the podcast. And then Haktua goes, I did have him. Cause she looked at the photo and she goes, oh, there is Bobby Lee. She thought I was Kim Jong Un.

It's kind of cool. No, it's not. It's kind of cool. He's so famous. I know, but yeah. You would love to be that famous. You can't go anywhere in North Korea without being recognized and praised.

That's your dream. I should go there. Yes. Is that what you're saying? That's your dream. You could be the Kim Jong-un of South Korea. Yeah, or you could be like one of those movies where there's an assassination,

so they put in a fake Kim Jong-un. You could be that fake. I'm the fake Kim Jong-un. Right, and you go to North, you go to South Korea. Oh, hello, you know, I come. Hello, everybody. He's back and he's hip. He's back.

Yeah, yeah. He's friends with all the cool kids. Yeah. He's, he's. I come up with new, yeah, yeah. He's doing the South Korean dab. Yeah, yeah. Hello, how's everybody? I get on fucking television.

Cy becomes your best friend. No, no, fuck Cy. He's doing his own gag dance style. Yeah, I do my own thing. Everybody know Cody, welcome. I address you once a week this time. Right? What do you think?

And then some music, I go, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun dun dun dun dun, right? I don't know. Anyway, so that's why I'm losing weight. For hoctua? Not just that, not just hoctua, it's just like, you know, people are saying now that I'm fat.

I don't like it. Look at me. You're not fat. I am. No, you're not. No, you're not. No, you're not fat. You are the shape you're supposed to be.

Fat. I just don't feel good about myself. Well, I want you to feel good. That's it. Because I love you. All right. I mean, that's enough said. So I'm gonna try this out.

You should feel good about yourself without the osempics, is what I'm trying to say, because that's a negative place to be. If that's what you think it's gonna take to get you to a good place with yourself. But it has been working for people. But what does that mean? Does it work for up peer or just a physical?

Cause this needs to change too. You need to- Oh, here we go. What the fuck are you doing? What are we doing? Well, there's a bunch of people on the internet that talk about the psychology of Ozempic. These people also need,

you should be prescribed a therapist and Ozempic. Don't puke. Sorry, sorry. Please. You should have therapy with Ozempic. It should be required. Because this needs to change too. Just because-

What is this, your brain? No, I'm talking about your temples. Yeah, your fucking brain. Because when you do, there's so much in this area, skull, hair follicles. Is that where this name comes from? Temple because of Asians? In my temple. The mind is your temple. This is my temple. Oh, that's good, yeah. Is that where this name comes from? Temple because of Asians? In my temple.

The mind is your temple. This is my temple. Oh, that's good, yeah. Is that where that came from? Maybe. Does it work with black voice? Do it. It's my corner stove.

Yeah. My corner stove. It's my corner stove. Yeah, wow. By the way, that's funny that this, look, I have nothing negative to say about the kid. I don't know the girl. I think things like this in this culture

do this thing to you where you're like, I wanna be a certain way so I'm perceived. Fuck that. Fuck that. It wasn't that, so a year ago, maybe eight months ago, I know, I don't wanna say her name, but I know a comic that was a little retuned. And I hadn't seen her a while,

and I saw her at the Comedy Store. And you were like jealous. I go, what's going on? You have a new workout routine? She goes, nah, I was imping, baby. I go, what is it? And she just explained it to me. I was like, oh, can anybody get it?

Well, you've heard about it in the zeitgeist of the world. No, I didn't, because this is like a year ago. Before it was hot. Yeah, so I didn't know about it. She kind of told me what, and she goes, it was a diabetes medication that now it helps with curving appetite. Did you go to see your general doctor?

I did. And then so did they have monitoring you and stuff like that? Yes, they are. All right. I just didn't know how to use the thing. The pen. I think I did it twice. Yeah, don't do that.

Yeah, yeah. You gotta be careful, dude. Yeah. I mean, seriously, people have gotten really, if you overdose on that stuff, like you take too much of it, it can fuck you up. You're in trouble. It did fuck me up.

Well, I mean, you could be hospitalized. You're lucky. There was one point where at like three in the morning, I was heaving so hard and nothing was coming out. I hate that feeling. I know, that like, I thought my spine was gonna snap. Your assistant called me yesterday and she thought you were dead.

Oh, that's right. Well, that has to do with you not communicating with her ever either. I know, but she thought, and then it's so funny, when I finally called her, she was weeping. You're alive! That's cute. It is cute, I go, shut the fuck up or you'll get fired,

or something like that. That's how you say goodbye. Yeah, no, I said, stop it. I'm not gonna die. Right. I was so worried about you. And she's like, who's gonna pay me to really knock through your calendar? But she was, yeah, so she called you.

Yeah, she kept calling me, but I was still asleep. So I got like a lot of missed calls from her. Wow. I love that she wouldn't call me. Love that. Yeah, I don't think she has your number. She does, I communicate with her when I'm trying to do shit with you.

Every, she has everybody's number. Everybody's number. Oh, she does, okay. Yeah, we've talked to all of them. Do this though, do, are you, first of all, before I do this, are you okay with this? That it was that big thing or do you not like that he's doing it?

No, I don't like it. See? Listen to her. Yeah, nobody likes that. The youth knows. Tell him he's good just the way he is. You're good just the way you are. Well, tell that girl that I- Why are you listening to her?

Why are you listening to her? Look up celebrities who lost a lot of weight. Jesse Plemons. He looks great. He looks fucking great. All right, but that was natural maybe. No, let's see Jesse Plemons. Stars who have spoken about Ozempic.

Yeah, here we go. All right, oh, you could be like Fat Joe, now though. Look at him, he looks great. But fat's in his name. I don't care. How can you sell yourself as Skinny Joe? Just Middle Joe. Skinny Joe sounds like a local crackhead.

There goes Skinny Joe. Okay. Cut out Middle Joe, that wasn't even funny, that made no sense. Cut out that joke. Kathy Bates, look. Kathy Bates? Yeah.

All right. Bella Thorne, she didn't do it. Look at her. Ashley Benson, I know Ashley. She's hot. She's sweet girl. Ice Spice, big fan of Ice Spice. She did it?

Hold on, stop, I wanna see her quote. I wish y'all never learned the word Ozempic. That's one thing I wish. Oh my God, like what even is Ozempic? What the fuck is that? Genuinely, what is that? Like you lazy ass bitches never heard of a gym? It's called the gym.

It's called- Oh, are they denying it? Healthy. It's called being on tour. Like what the hell? Like maybe if I was sitting home all day, it'd be easier to stay big. And by the way, it says during X Spaces chat.

Nancy Gray. By the way, it says during X Spaces Chat. Mm, Nancy Gray. That's why I'll take a stamp in today. I wanna lose some weight by tomorrow. That was so good. Wait, what is that fancy? Hold on, Candy Burris? I don't know who that is. She spells her name wrong.

Spence Dog. Wait, so, no, no, no. These people, Carlos. That's stars who spoke about Ozempic. God, you gotta get a hold. Abby Bates was clearly on it. I know, dude, but the other six weren't. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Get to the ones that have been on it. I know dude, but the other six weren't. Yeah. Yeah. Get to the ones that have been on it. Oprah. Yes. Huge one. What about the girl that since you've been gone? I can breathe for the first time. Kelly Clarkson. Yeah. She revealed her in an episode of her talk show and speaking with Whoopi Goldberg that she's taking a drug to help her lose weight. Yep. She needed it. She just said everyone thinks it's Ozempic. It's not. She says it right there. Yeah, said everyone thinks it's Ozempic, it's not. She says it right there.

Yeah, because there's offshoots, not like Modero. There's other ones that are- Modelo? There are other ones that are like that. Does Modelo make an offshoot like an off-shot? I don't know. Hey, you wanna lose weight, bro? Yeah, yeah.

Drink Estrella. Wait, wait, Amy Schumer, it didn't help with her face though, did it? All right. The Enzipic hit the body. Wait, what is- It doesn't go to the face. Did she get it?

Schumer, she did try Oz try to have like a year ago. She stopped because of the side effects. I got sick all the time, see? Yeah, yeah, go ahead, keep going. These people are gonna, yeah, Whoopi Goldberg. Yeah. Yeah, she got it for diabetes, different. Okay.

I mean, you might have diabetes, but oh, Tracy. I walk into the doctor, I mean, you might have diabetes, but oh, Tracy. I walk into the doctor, I say, yo, give me that weight loss pills. Give me that shit that make people look skinny. I want that shit. And I ain't letting it go. He's the fucking best. Yeah, that one, yeah, Sharon.

Sharon? Yeah. I, that one, yeah. Sharon. Sharon. Yeah. I had to lose the weight. Yeah, do her now, Heather Gay. I love what Ozepik is doing for me. Is that what she sounds like? Is that what she sounds like?

I have no idea. I don't know who that is. Yeah. Anyway. Chelsea. Well, look, you're gonna be in this list. Bobby Lee will make it up there, but it's gonna change the dynamic of this show.

You're right. Remember when Piscopo got in shape? Ruined his entire comedy career. Right. Joe Piscopo, do you guys even know who that is? Yeah, I know. I'll tell you. This guy, he was very funny, Rudy.

He got jacked. And then people didn't wanna fuck with him anymore. I'll tell you a real story. Joe Piscopal. If I may. Please. When I was doing open mics, when I was living in La Jolla, there was a guy that used to come down from LA.

He was a fat kid, right? And he was funny. We did open mics together. His name was Eric Edwards, okay? And all of a sudden- Griffin, you mean? No. Oh.

Loaded. And all of a sudden, Griffin, you mean? No. Oh, loaded. So and then all of a sudden he got two movies, big ones. He got Blade. What? Yeah. He plays the fat blob and blade. It says that in the breakdown. A fat blob, fat blob, The fat blob and blid. Oh, I know this guy.

Okay, go to images, the fat blob. Wait, haven't I met this guy? Go to the third, yeah. He got that. Sick. Right? Wow. All right, and then he got Sergeant Bilko.

The Steve Martin movie. Go to Sergeant Bilko, Eric Edwards. I know this guy though. I feel like I've met him. Right? So go to any, yeah. Wow. Go down here with Steve Martin down there.

The third row. Third row. The left. First one. So that's Eric Edwards. That's when I met him, right? Then he lost 200 pounds. Wow.

I never saw him again. All that weight made him disappear. Now, what does Edward look like now? There, right there. Yeah, right there. Look at that, healthy guy. Healthy. Same thing with...

And he's so talented, so funny, great guy, but typecast Hollywood. Right, people like you because you're this affable, round, beautiful Asian man. If you got- I was, dude, when I was on ManTV, and on my Thursday and Thursday, I was skinny. But you weren't funny back then.

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Let's get with it. Let's get with it. Dude, it's a new age. When I moved into the new neighborhood, did not have a doctor, did not have a doctor. Exactly. And I said, Bob, what doctor do you use? And he goes, ZocDoc, my guy.

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I see I'm funny now. I'm funnier now. Much. You're the funniest you've ever been. Okay, okay. I would argue right now in your career is the funniest you've ever been. Yeah, you think it's equivalent to the fat?

There's a connection, I mean. I'm not saying it's, I'm just saying. Yeah. What do you think? You think it's the fat? A little bit. Yeah. Oh, fuck.

So it's over. I just don't know. It's over. I don't know if it's a good idea. Have you talked to your manager about this? Yeah, no one likes it. Yeah, no one see? Yeah, no one likes it.

Okay, so here's the other thing. Uh-oh. Do the trial, do the six, whatever it is, weeks. Let's go, let's let the audience, they'll see me lose weight. Let's see what the audience says. Wow, they're not gonna, they it is, weeks. Let's go, let's let the audience, they'll see me lose weight. Let's see what the audience says. Wow, they're not gonna, they're gonna support you. They're gonna love you no matter what, but-

No, I don't know. Some of them, they're very vocal. They're gonna turn on you. They're very vocal. Because you take Ozempic, they'll turn? Yeah, they might. So let's just see what the audience says. Okay, I mean-

You know, cause I'm gonna be on it during Australia. When we're playing Down Under, you're gonna be still taking. Yeah, yeah. Wow. Yeah, so, you're gonna be still taking. Yeah, yeah. Wow. Yeah, so, you know. Well, this is not good, bubby. Get out there, mate.

Yeah. I mean, I'm excited to see if it helps you, but I don't love it. I don't love it either, pal. Then why are you doing it? I don't know. Yeah, it's because of women. You know that.

That's women. These women got to your head. No, it's not that. You've always been so secure and so self-assured, but now that you're this single, it's women. Outside voices are doing this to you. Because what I notice now, and this is the truth, is you factor in your age, you know what I mean?

And it affects it. Affects what? Just dating in general. You know, it's in your age. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. And it affects it. Affects what? Just dating in general. A part, you know, it's in their mind. Yeah. You know, so it's like, and then, you know, you go to Raya and all the hot 35 year olds, they're in fucking Belize, you know what I mean?

On a white sandy beach. No, that's just a vacation photo. They don't live there? You think they don't live there? They don't live there, buddy. They seem like they live there. They're so relaxed on the beach and stuff, right? I love that I think your riot photos

are just every room in your house. Yeah. None of them are anywhere else. Yeah, that's where mine are. That's where I live. Yeah, yeah. So I don't know, but maybe you're right. I just think if it's gonna make you happy, fine.

I support it, but I don't think it's going to. Well, here's my goal. If you wanna hear my goal. You want your wiener to look bigger. No. What the fuck, dude? And you did skinny. You asked-

That has nothing to do with it. Ask Carlos. Yeah. He wants to say skinny because it makes his penis look bigger. It works. I know, but you know, I have boyfriend size. Huh?

Somebody said I had boyfriend size penis. I thought you said boysen, I was like boysen. Not boysen, it's got the boysen flavor. You're the boysenberry of penises? Yeah. You have boyfriend cock. Yeah. It's small?

No. That's what it means. Reliable. No, it's reliable. It's like perfect. It's a Honda Civic. Yeah, but also like lowered. It's a rice racquet. It's very low. It's a Honda Civic. Yeah, but also like lowered. It's a rice racquet.

It's very low. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But here's the thing. I think that once I find somebody that I'm in love with, like we saw Nicky there, he's got a girl that he likes, you know what I mean?

Yeah. I just wanna meet somebody that I like, that I hang out with all the time, and then maybe I likes, you know what I mean? Yeah. I just wanna meet somebody that I like, that I hang out with all the time and then maybe I'll, you know. Okay. Yeah, that's all. Now, what about this? What if a girl falls in love with you when you get skinny

and then you get fat again? I mean, you get regular again. Because what you do is then you put in the hooks. Yeah, you know, then they, you know, ah, I'm gonna, financial. That then they, you know, you. Financial. That's right. Oh, what are you looking for a sugar mom? No, no, no.

What I'm saying is that Carlos is what I'm saying, right? Just a little subtle things like, yeah, you don't need a job. Really? Yeah. You don't need a job. Okay. Right. They become dependent a job. Okay. They become dependent.

Right, right. But then that's when... Vroom. What? What? What? What? You know, two years later,

hey baby, you can't leave. How you gonna eat? And survive. Smart. Yeah, so that's my goal. Now, if you can do it with or without it, the guy from the Big Ed guy, he got engaged after I think 24 hours.

Big Ed. They canceled it after 72, after that. Oh, that's so- He's alone now. I love that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's the best. Didn't we have him on the key for a second?

No, he was in Tiger Belly. We were trying to get him on here. And he was sick so like, not engaged. Yeah. Well, he's get tiger belly. We were trying to get him on here. And he was sick so like, not engaged. Yeah. Well, he's not engaged anymore. Yeah, but he's also a little full of it, right? And in my mind, I'm like- Full of what?

Just a little bit like I'm a star. Did you make any neck jokes? No. You didn't do like, I've had it up to here with you, pal. No, look at him. Head and shoulders. Yeah. Knees and toes. And at him. Head and shoulders. Yeah. Knees and toes.

And also sand. Head, shoulders, knees and toes. He's also probably. Wonderful. Yeah. If he was just a head here and then a set of knees with feet and that face. But he's probably super famous in San Diego too.

That's where he lives. I guess. Yeah. I mean. What do you guys? Well, I mean, I don't know what they throw at him but I'm sure, yeah, they say hi when they see him. Now he's funny, man. I like him a lot actually.

We wanted him on this show. When he dies, God's gonna go, we forgot to give you this. My neck. We're sorry, sorry, we didn't put this in. Hey man, we were just having a rush day. Yeah, yeah. I can't believe we put that order out. Hey man, we were just having a rush day. Yeah, yeah.

I can't believe we put that order out. Hey, it's on the ticket. What the fuck, you forgot. We'll give it to him later. Yeah, nice guy, nice guy. That clip of him and that Filipino chick is the funniest clip on her. He's like, you're my best view.

She's like, eh. You see that? That's fucking, that is Rudy Jules. And that I seriously, every time I watched that show I was always like, that's Rudy, he's dating this guy. That's Rudy. Yeah, yeah. That's a hundred percent your face.

Yeah. And she's very pretty. I like the view. You do? Yes. You're my best view. Me. That's you, dude.

Me. That's 100% something she would say. If a guy said something corny to her, Yeah, yeah. You would say it, you'd go, No, me. Me. That's my new thing.

Me. Yeah. Me. Yeah. Did you like my set? Me. Me. There was a thing I wanted you to try.

I was gonna text you this morning. I was on the couch. It's like this universal thing on TikTok where people call their cats. And apparently they're like, you know, like if you've never instructed, you need to instruct your dog to sit, stay, whatever, lay down.

But like, you know, cats are pretty indignant. They don't wanna fucking hear it from you. But there was, people on the internet have found out that if you make this sound, cats will come to you. If you go like, meow, it's like a weird little, I'm not kidding, it's like a noise. Oh, I wanna memorize it, go ahead. Playing the sound, yeah, that's the one.

Playing the sound makes your cat come to you or something. That's it. Look at this. Oh. Dude, you gotta play that sound. Let's see if I can do it. You do, I want you to, will you test this out at home? Let me say something, okay?

Yeah. This is bullshit. What do you mean? The internet never lies. No. Cause I went and downloaded the cat sounds app and there's millions of them, right? Sure.

There's even like cougars. You know what I mean? And they come. Okay. Cougars fighting. But cats, what's going on? Right? It's not just that sound.

All right. I guarantee you. You know what? It's so funny. I don't have cats. I don't know. I'm going to download the app again. And do it. And I'm going to tape it. I'm going to tape it. Cause I want to see it. Yeah, because that's bullshit. Okay. I don't have cats, I don't know. I'm gonna download the app again. And do it. And I'm gonna- Tape it. I'm gonna tape it.

Cause I wanna see it. Yeah, because that's bullshit. Okay, I wanna see it. You know that? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. By the way, did you feed my dog sausages last night? Yeah. You did?

Yeah. You fucker. Yeah. The amount of shit- Like four of them. It was so much shit. He loves me, that guy. The area? It's a girl.

Whatever. No, it was runny, but also, it was runny and solid. I mean, it was everything. People must have been feeding the dog so much. Your dog, right, is a little user. Every animal, every pet is a user. This dog, he came up to me. It's a girl.

She came up to me and went, all right, and I went, and she just ran away. And she went to the next guy. Well, you had nothing for her. Except what I'm saying is that he's fickle. She's not fickle, what's the word? Trans-transaction or transactionary. Transactional. Yeah.

She came up to you and she was like, you're not gonna fucking, I'm not gonna eat me, all right? No, that's not what it was. Yeah, he did pick up my dog and get it near the oven and goes- Wait, can we talk about your party? Yeah. Happy birthday, by the way.

Thanks, man. What a great party. And you know, I'm sitting outside, if I may, express myself. Whatever you want. Okay. Yeah. First of all, I have to say,

and I don't want to start a fight with you about it. Sounds like it. Yeah. You're an OCD freakazoid. Right? It's just like any crumb. Yeah. Like I was sitting in as right. White. You know, come on, dude. Use the plate. Right.

Put a Diet Coke on the table. What about a coaster, man? Right. And you're just all around your place doing that. Mm hmm. Right. And then like, can I smoke in your backyard? No, you smoke out front. You know, that's when I went, nah, I'm smoking in your backyard. It's a fucking party.

And I had everyone smoke back there. Do you see that? It was just you and one other guy. No, no, it wasn't. It was five people smoking back there. Well, the other people respectfully smoked away from everybody. That's not true. The reason I said don't smoke,

I have a validation for all this. The reason I said don't smoke back there, there were a few people had their babies or kids were there. Oh, your lung cancer? Yeah, it's respectful. No, also this. And then also, and also, yeah, put it cancer? Yeah, it's respectful. Also this. And then also, and also, yeah, put it on a coaster.

That's what the coasters are there for. What happens if- We're 53 years old. What happens if I don't- Just because it's a party doesn't mean it's not at my house. What happens if I don't put it on the coaster? What happens?

What are the consequences? Rings. Oh, you get a ring. Yeah, I don't want rings on the table. Get a new table. Rich guy, rich spoiled guy. Went to your house, pretty rich guy. Pretty rich guy, dude.

And the only reason that's not nice is because I don't have you over all. I'll tell you another thing, pal. And here, and by the way, crumbs, have you ever seen an adult- Who cares the fuck? Have you ever seen an adult eat a plate of food and spill half of it on the table?

Me. You're 53. You think I do it by accident? I have to say- I purposely put it out there. I know, I can tell. He wasn't doing that all over the party He was just doing that around you. You're just around me. Thank you so much. You saw he's another thing

It didn't spill once any of these guys by the way. Yeah, not once also these guys are the worst at parties Okay, well, I'm not gonna fight you on that We're gonna huddle together in the corner of the house and not talk to anybody. No, they know they weren't they were like So nervous and then when a celebrity were walking and I see these guys hey man. How's it going? And they're like oh, I'm fine. It's just dead stopped Wow right, and then they would just move on Oh my god It was sad to watch there And you mentioned his famous dad to me and he heard us from across the party exactly that's the way to do it

That's the way that's the way to do it. He heard the movie you mentioned. Yeah, that's the way you do it. That's the way to do it. Fucking ding dong. Here's another thing. But I am proud of you, by the way. No alcohol, no drugs. You're still staying sober. Yeah. And I know that's hard. That's why-

Brother. But when you have a party, right, you don't form, and everyone knows this, it's in the handbook. You don't form a power circle. What are you talking about? Do you know what I'm saying when I say that? I think so. Yeah, exactly.

He doesn't know. Yes, he does. I'm gonna ask him to explain. No, no, make him explain it. Explain me the power circle. The most famous people are all together. Exactly. Who's that?

Oh, so I'm outside. I'm basically the host of the fucking party at this point. Right? I'm talking to everyone out there. To you, yes. No, for sure. For you, yes. I was the life of the party out there. To you, yes. No, for sure. For you, yes. I was the life of the party back there.

I was killing it. Okay? Please. Glassman did a good job. I looked at the win, he did it too, and we were duo. Yeah. Right? And I'm gonna give him the prop. I'm gonna give him the credit.

He's much stronger than you at a party. No, because he wins people out. You're more wacky and he's more funny. All right, well, you know what? You're more unpredictable. I'm still not gonna stop with this power circle business. Well, here's the deal. You're more wacky and he's more funny. All right, well, you know what? You're more unpredictable. I'm still not gonna start with this power circle business. Well, here's the deal. You're more unpredictable.

Right. That's all. All right, so now I look outside the house, right? And I see three men, side by side like this, in a power circle. There's no room to get in. A triangle. A triangle, right? Of of sadness a triangle of sadness

Thank you so much. Yeah, it's Andrew right Charlie Day and Scott Kahn In a fucking triangle of a sadness sounds like and guess and guess what I did sounds like little Zempik boys a little jealous That he wasn't invited. Oh, no, what did I sounds like little Zempik boy wanted to smoke cigarettes No one invited me to the triangle. It could be a square. That's what it is, you fucking bitch. Yeah, exactly what it is.

All right, well just say that's what it is. Don't create triangles. I'm talking to my friends at my house. I'm talking to my friends. Right, but you guys formed one, and then guess what I did? I walked in the- You formed shit.

You naturally stand in a fucking pattern. You stand near people when you talk to them. And I talk to everybody. There's no gaps! Not for you. Not for you. So guess what I did? Mine-

I broke it up. You did. You came by. I came by and I go, enough of this triangle bullshit. Yeah. And what happened? They all laughed. Yeah, they laughed. They loved it. Yeah. And then you were included.

That's all you have to do is just stick your head in there, bud. Yeah, but you know what I mean? These fuckers can't interrupt a power circle. Well, no, they don't belong. They know that. What are you guys doing there? Laughing at your jokes. Someone's got it.

Here's the last thing I want to say. It was the saddest thing I saw all night. Okay, at your party. Number one, as parties go. It wasn't a party. It was a get together. I loved it. It was a get together. I've never been invited to a get together like that. A get together, right? That's not a party. Number one, as parties go. It wasn't a party, it was a get together. I loved it. It was a get together.

I've never been invited to a get together like that. A get together, right? That's not a party. Parties are crazy, it's a get together. McCone went to a party later that night. Right. And how many dogs do you have? I don't know.

How many dogs do you have? Being real. I don't know. You have one, right? Yeah. Yeah, you have two. McCone. Because what I saw through the window is everywhere you You have one, right? Yeah. Yeah. You have two.

McCone. Because what I saw through the window is everywhere you were, he's right behind you. He does follow. Yeah, yeah. And he does whack. He's my shadow. He does whack.

Yeah. He's my little shadow. You would, honestly, dude, have you sucked his penis? Yet. It's so sad to watch. Tell him. It's so sad to watch. Tell him. It's so sad to watch. He's just at your beck and call.

All right. You want, you want, you want. Let's get there. You want to get there? I want to be there. Okay, here we go. You ready? Yeah.

Here it is. I don't have any children. I probably never. Oh, here we go with this sad story. I probably would never have children. Oh. And guess what? I get to feel like a brother and a father to McCone. Sit with that.

That hurts. Who? Who does that hurt? You. How does that hurt me? It's sad. It's beautiful. I mean, it's a beautiful thing. The way that this is your daughter's sister.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The way that this is your daughter sister. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That little fuck bag is my son brother. She doesn't give a shit about me this one. The fuck, she loves you. I do. She loves you to death. All right, you're right. Tell him, tell him.

You're right, you're right, you're right. But isn't he like a dad brother to you? Yeah. That's my son brother. Okay. It's the same thing. Yeah. Now, do you get it?

I do get it. And you give her the world. You gave her your fucking car, money, place to live, job, everything she would ask for. You would give it to her, wouldn't you? Yeah. You wouldn't even think twice. Yeah.

My son. Okay, enough said. Thank you. Yeah, but what a great gathering. I'm happy you're there. Miller Lite. The light beer brewed for people who love the taste of beer and the perfect pairing for your game time.

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is in progress. Please be alert as trains can pass at any time on the tracks. Remember to follow all traffic signals be careful along our tracks and only make left turns where it's safe to do So be alert be aware and stay safe No, yeah, yeah, dude, thank you Let me say something. I know you're my daughter You know it because I was thinking the same thing and I was too afraid to say it No. Yeah, yeah. Dude, thank you. Let me say something. I know you're my daughter. You know what?

Because I was thinking the same thing and I was too afraid to say it. And let me answer that question on his behalf, okay? Yes. Bobby shows up late. Jules, he is the good guy. And everyone claps him in like it's a sitcom. Bobby is the guy.

I am the, you know what I am? A sitcom. What were you wearing? What were you wearing for your birthday party? It wasn't a birthday party. You're gathering. I was wearing a traditional German outfit. Yeah.

Yeah. So who's the sitcom? You? You, dude. Somehow even me in costume isn't as wacky as you walking into my house. No, here's another thing you did. That's the funniest part. Me in costume isn't as wackadoo as you walking in, half jacket off.

Hey, what's good? You drape your legs over the chair like you're in a fucking movie set. You're so fucking funny. You live in space. You don't know it. We love it, but you live in space. You don't exist. You don't know it. We love it, but you live in space.

You don't exist. You float. You float. You're, you are the cool guy. Okay. I'm, you know what? I'm Phil Jackson. From the Lakers?

Yeah. I'm the coach. Okay. The coach, I organize, I get great talent. I organize, I like to, I'm particular. Yeah, and you're Dennis Rodman. You missed a joke there. What?

I said from the Lakers and you said, no, the orthodontist or something. Oh, sorry, do it again. Do it again, try it again. I was like giving you a payout. I'm Phil Jackson. You mean the Lakers coach? Yes.

No. That's funnier that way. Yeah, it's funnier that way. I'm Phil Jackson, you're Dennis Rodman. No. That's funnier that way. Yeah, it's funnier that way. I'm Phil Jackson, you're Dennis Rodman. Okay. Unpredictable, phenomenally talented. Okay. Fun, wack, wack.

Bring up Dennis Rodman. I know who he is. But I mean, for the viewers, he doesn't know who the fuck that is. Do you know who Dennis Rodman is? No. Look at him, they used to call him the worm. That's Bob, is that Bobby?

If Bobby was a basketball player, would this be him? He looks cool. He does. He is cool, dude. My point, you're making my point. He paints his nails before anybody else did it. He got tattoos he wore dresses to press conferences. He went to North Korea to hang out with Kim Jong-un.

With Bobby Lee, he hung out with Bobby Lee up there, according to Hakatua. Yeah. Did y'all see that video of Dennis Rodman hanging with Bobby Lee in North Korea? Okay, you know what my favorite meme of this was? What? Because Dennis Rodman really went to North Korea, right?

So there's a meme where a general is talking to Kim Jong-un and Kim Jong-un is going, what do you mean that's not Barack Obama? That's so funny. It's a funny meme. The fact that they kicked it is wild. Yeah, yeah. That's great.

That is really funny. Internet is undefeated. Undefeated, yeah. That's great. That is really funny. The internet is undefeated. They're undefeated, yeah. What's been going on in your little life I wanna know. You got some news to tell us? I've just had my first ever hot sub in a class. Ooh, remember the hot sub? No.

When a substitute teacher- Oh, I thought you meant the sandwich. Yeah. Hey. Like a spicy sandwich. I know you remember those. I do, I love hot subs. I've seen every time we pass a Jimmy John's this guy. Yeah, Hey. Like a spicy sandwich. I know you remember those. I do, I love hot sobs, but. I've seen every time we pass a Jimmy John's this guy.

Yeah, yeah, so a hot substitute teacher. Yeah, but he's white and old. No. Oh my God, he was so hot. He was buff, smart, he's a chemistry professor. Oh, wow. And then if you, you know, would you? Yeah.

Did the other? No, no. Wait, you didn't even finish. I think she got it. Okay. Yeah. Did the other? No, no. Wait, you didn't even finish. I think she got it. Okay. Yeah. Did the other girls, did you talk to about him? No, they don't, they don't like older guys.

Right, and you like old guys. I like, well him, cause he was so smart and then he was just wearing like a normal shirt but his arms were like buff, buff. How old do you think is old? How old do you think he was? 40 plus. Yeah, that's us.

I know. We're old chemistry teachers. So, but this guy was a hot guy. Yeah. Would you ever flirt with him? No, but I never talked to anyone in school, but I made an attempt to like say, bye professor, thank you.

What's his last name? We'll blank it out. Just professor what? I forgot. I just- Well, he's a substitute. I just remember Dr. Ruiz. Dr. Ruiz? Ruiz. Oh, how about this?

This is a great idea for a movie. What? A college coed falls in love with her professor, right? Yeah. But it's a sub. Yeah. She realizes, what if she never gets to see him again? So she kills her main teacher.

So the sub becomes permanent. Wow. That's a fucking great idea. But does that, I didn't know that once the teacher's dead, they just, the first sub, isn't there like? Well, we're gonna find it. Well, since the last guy was just here, this is a higher hem.

Well, that sounds like a 90s comedy. That't think that works. Sounds like a 90s comedy. That is what would happen. And in a 90s comedy, they'd be like, well, Mr. Ruiz, I mean, you are here and we don't know where she's gone missing. Oh, I see. Can you keep teaching for the week? Right.

And he becomes permanent. Right. But then they fall in love, right? One night, they get together, they go out to dinner. I shouldn't do this because you're my student. And although you're an adult. No, I got a you're my student. And although you're an adult. I got a better idea. Hold on.

Although you're an adult. Can I get in the writer's room here? Yes. Okay, okay. I'm too old for you. We shouldn't do this because you're my student and I'm your teacher. And she admits over a glass of wine.

I killed Mrs. What was the first one? Mrs. The original one, Pickleson? What was her name? Barbara Pickleson. I killed- You could die, Arsalan. Arsalan. Barbara Pickleson. Pickleson's so much better.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stop fucking up the writer. Stop fucking it up. And then he goes, so now he's indicted. He knows that she killed Barbara Pickleson. Right. And they needed to dispose of the body together. That's the adventure movie is.

I'm gonna throw in another layer. Give it to him. If I may, right. Please. He finds out about Barbara Pickleson, right? Right, right? And he's okay with it. He loves it. But then, she's Nicholson, right? Right? And he's okay with it. He loves it. But then she's still in school, right?

He no longer works there, right? Wait, so he didn't get the job? No, no, no. You're new, the guy, right? He's sick, so they have a new sub. A new sub? He's hotter. Oh no!

Yeah, he's even hotter than the one, right? Fuck. We're talking about like, you know, um, um. This is like Brad Pitt? No, the fucking Elvis. What's his name? Butler. Butler, Austin Butler.

Austin Butler, dude. I like Jacob Elordi. Okay, that one. Whatever, we'll cast him. Jacob Elordi. Yeah, yeah, Jacob LaGuardia. Jacob LaGuardia. Yeah, LaGuardia Airport.

And that's the new- Jacob LaGuardia Airport. LaGuardia, and that's the new substitute, Mr. LaGuardia. Now, right? Wow. She doesn't know what to do. What do you do?

Who do you gotta kill? Ruiz. Yeah, you kill Ruiz. Ruiz has gotta go, but you want LaGuardia, but LaGuardia's not into it. But then, here's the hook at the end. Oh no. Yeah, here's the hook at the end.

I know what it is, what is it? Barbara Pickleson's not dead. What the fuck? She's not dead! She's not dead. She's not dead. She's not dead. You thought you fucking killed her.

Yeah. You left her for dead. But, she was buried. She was, she's not dead. She's not dead. You thought you fucking killed her. Yeah, you left her for dead, but she was buried She was she dug herself out. She doesn't know she does a kill Bill thing. Yes She Gets out of there right? Pickleson comes back. She's like getting going to a diner the return of Miss Pickleson. Dude, that's part two That's so good, right? We we gotta make this a two parter. Write this, write this fucking movie. All right, so Ruiz, right?

Yeah. She kills Ruiz, she hits on the other side. LaGuardia. Gay. He's gay! He's full blown gay, dude. Of course he's gay. Right.

So now what do you do? You try to flip him, don't you? You flip him, dude. I can be the beard. You can be a beard. Beard. But did the beard ever get laid? The beard never gets laid.

Not even like sucking his dick. No, you can't suck his dick. No, because he doesn't like that. Yeah, he doesn't like it. He might let you watch Carlos suck his dick. But because you're the beard, they has no physical attract, you're just for public show. Maybe he's not gay.

What if I do a little? That's a harder thing to get around. I like the gay thing. I know. LaGuardia is gay, and get this. What? She tries to flip him. I like the gay thing. I know. LaGuardia is gay and get this. What? She tries to flip him. Yeah.

So then, trans. Oh right. She becomes a trans man for LaGuardia. Yeah. I'm a guy now. Flip flop, flip flop, we can name it. Flip flop the terminal two.

What? Yeah. Anyway, that's a pretty good premise. There's something about it. There's something about it. There's a sub comes premise. Something about it is great. There's something about it. So the sub comes in, what if you never get, but you don't know if he'll ever be back. You might never see him. Can the next sub be a sandwich?

That's the third installment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's like Godfather 3. You know what I mean? Like a meatball. Okay, Claire. Hey, how you doing? Maybe he's Italian.

How you doing? I'm a fucking meatball sandwich. That's your cameo in the movie. I mean, I have to be in it. That's your cameo. Yeah, yeah. How you doing? Yeah, okay, good. That's great.

So how did I become a walking meatball sandwich? We gotta explain that. That's a question our fans have been asking about you for a long time. Yeah, but in the movie, how do we explain? Okay, okay. We have to explain it. I don't know. Yeah.

How did he become a walking meatball sandwich? Well, he can be trans meatball. Trans meatball. Oh, I see. I see. Okay, so what you're saying to me is this, right? I'm a human, right? You're always a human.

I'm always a human, right? But I identify as meatball sandwich. Yes! My pronouns are meat and ball. I go to Korea, because they're good at human, right? But I identify as Meatball Sam. Yes! My pronouns are meat and ball. I go to Korea, because they're good at surgery, right? Right. And I make my balls much bigger,

like meatballs. Huge meatballs. Right. And they always have marinara on them all the time. Right. And I come up with, I don't think the skin should be the breading. Well, you are-

I should have a jacket. You're a big piece of- I think I have a jacket. You're a big piece of cheese. That looks like bread. You're a big piece of cheese. Like a baguette should have a jacket. You're a big piece of cheese. I think I have a jacket. You're a big piece of cheese. That looks like bread. You're a big piece of cheese. Like a baguette, like a bag. You're a big piece of cheese.

No, the inner clothing is the cheese. Oh, okay, I get it. I'm trying to get, for wardrobe and stuff, I don't wanna get into CGI. I get it. Right, right. We have to save some money. Right, so the jacket is like a baguette.

Ugh. Right? And then I have inner clothes that look like cheese, but I put up my meatballs. Your balls. Your meatballs. your meatballs. Meatballs. Right?

And I put fucking like red sauce on it. And you identify as a meatball sub? Yeah, yeah. I'm your new sub. You don't think we can make this movie? He's your brand new sub. Sandwich that is. Wow.

His balls are in his hand, he's like, remember, test tomorrow. Well, I hope this guy comes back. But the main professor, he's also really hot. He's brown and his name is Professor. When you say brown, how brown? Like brown brown. Okay, like poo?

Yeah, close to me. Okay. And he has like a long beard. Oh, you know what that means? What? He has a long face. I think you're in love with just all your professors. I like older.

Yeah, this is just because you like, it doesn't even matter who they are, you just like the idea that someone who's knowledgeable and is- And like really smart. Really smart. Oh, you like bright guys. Bright guys. Yeah. Interesting.

But aren't you still dating that guy? Yeah, and he's really smart. He is smart. He's a sweetheart. Do you tell him about the crush on the professor? And he's like, go talk to them. He encourages me. So he's cucking.

Would he cuck? I don't know, but he says like, go talk to them. He's a real sweetheart, that guy. I really like him a lot. Promotional of her of getting with a new guy, it sounds like. Yeah, I mean, one time he just waited out here for hours to pick you up.

Yeah. I've seen him wait for six hours for you. Oh my God. Yeah, what a guy. Really? Yeah, one time I was hanging out with my friends and he picked me up and then dropped me off with my friends and he just waited for me to be done. How long? Like four hours. He just waited in

the car? Yeah. He's a serial killer. I know dude, no. And I'm going to defend him. I'm teasing. I know, but that's what's lost with us new men. Is what? Everyone in this room is that kind of chivalry. My father would have never waited in a car for four hours for my mom. What are you talking about? Well, that's she, he lost it too then. No, it didn't exist. This is unusual.

Nobody waits in a car for four hours while they're hanging out. In the 1700s, no guy was in a horse for hours. He took a walk. I think a walk. But he still went around the neighborhood. I'll be back to get you later. He'd just go fuck off to the bar and then he come back. Oh, I see, I see.

That's what you would do. He would go to a bar maybe. Yeah, he went to like eat. I bet you I know where he went. I bet you he got- To a boba place. No, not like that. He loves that shit. He loves that shit. But I bet you he went and got the food

but came back just in case you wanted to leave early, ate it in his car. I think so. Yeah, he doesn't even eat in the restaurant. Yeah, but- All this is is he loves you. I'm teasing because He loves, all this is, is he loves you. Can I ask- I'm teasing, cause I'm sure he's sweet,

but he loves you, that's all. Can I ask a real question? Yeah. I think that's what, would I ever be able to meet a woman where I'm willing to do that? No. I think there is somebody out there

that I'm willing to do that. Bobby. Yeah. You're late to the show. Pfft. You think You're late to the show. You're gonna wait for a girl for five hours? Time for you is not that thing. You did that with Atta Kalai, you drove to Long Beach. Oh yeah, and not only that, one time I drove all the way,

here's the worst I did for her. Best you did. The best I mean. Yeah. It was the worst. Okay. And you're not gonna believe this. And this is truth. And what is is a they call me and they go, can you get us? Coachella tickets Right. Remember that? Yeah, so then I had to and I go I'm not going so I had to pay so much Yeah, they're expensive as shit. No, but through CAA. Oh, you got him from the agent. So I got backstage

I got VIP. I got the whole fucking thing. VIP. Right? And I spent thousands of dollars. Oh my God. I know, I know, exactly, right? And you didn't even know. So the day of Coachella, I get woken up.

I thought they were leaving. And Collette goes, there's a problem. I go, what? You have to be there to pick up the tickets at Will Call. Stop, because I'm going to get pissed off. You drove Coachella and then drove back. I drove hours in the desert. And drove back.

And also it's Coachella, so there's traffic. The whole way. The whole way, right? Both ways. I had to get out of the fucking car, wait in line. Nope. Maybe get their tickets and I go, have fun ladies. You drove 144 miles just to get them a ticket

to come right back. Yeah, how long is that? In two and a half hours. Exactly, they're in about five hours drive. Now, ladies, if you're listening to me right now, that's what I'm willing to do. Used to, used to. No, I would do it now.

You'll do that now. I would never in a million years. You would, I think. If my wife was like, hey, you need to be there for the tickets, I'll go, don't, no. You would do it. No, you guys. Because the alternative-

I'd say, you know what? I'll drive you to Hollywood Park, you can go watch the horses race. No, the alternative, if you went out of your way, you spent all this money, it's also Beyonce was playing. Yeah. You know what I mean? You would do it.

No. You went, right? Who went? Who went? Jenna, Shandy, and Cohen. Yeah, right. And you all had a good time, right? Who went? Who went? At the Jenna, at the Shea, in the Attica. Yeah, right. And you all had a good time, huh? Yeah, yeah.

Did you just spend a dime? No. Did you just spend a dime, did you? Yeah. Me here. I would have. Right? I would have.

And that's the kind of shit you should remember. That's right. Anyway. That's right. Log it in. So what I'm saying is that I'm willing to do it to go that extra yard. I would do that.

I think you would do it too. I would do it, but I would make, here, here's the thing. I made a stink, trust me. I complained the whole time. Big stink. I'm stinking, I'm stinking. The windows have to be down, I'm stinking so much. I'm stinking the whole ride.

And I do this thing. I do this thing where I get real quiet, you know, and then we pull into a gas station. And then you ask me, you know, you're my wife or whatever. And you ask me, what am I getting inside? Oh yeah. Yes, right here. Why are you stopping?

What are you gonna get inside? Then walk inside. Just a little nasal breath, walk inside. Hold on, you gotta do it again. You gotta do that with good acting. Holy shit. That was such good acting. But that's the stink I pull.

Yeah, yeah. If I'm driving you fucking by- You would do an inner sigh, right? And not even, that, that. Don't even need it. That's it. Yeah, yeah, that's it. But see, I would have gone to a casino out there. You know, I like to play little cards.

I would have stopped by a casino. Yeah. I would have stopped by a casino. Or you would have done one of your moves. Golf? No, like you did on the tour when you got all mad. Yeah. And you went, I'm gonna go to a bar during the day

and drink myself to death. Well, I didn't die. I know, but you did that, remember, when you were mad? It was Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville. Yeah. All right, yeah. I love that place. Yeah.

By the way, I bought half of the bar, there are dinners. So what I'm saying is that- Everyone was, I was so fucking happy when I got there and away from you guys, that literally every like young couple at the bar, I was like, what did they have? And they invited a whole thing. I bought everyone's tab.

Was that a long time? That one seemed like a long time ago. I think it was. Almost a year. Wow. No. A year, it was over. Over a year, what the fuck am I saying?

Wow, wow, wow, wow. God, it doesn't feel like that, does it? No. I mean, what I'm saying is I'm willing to, I wanna meet somebody that I'm at least willing to do that for. I think you will. But I do think the problem is,

you're quite known. What does that mean? Well, then I would imagine it's hard being as famous as you are meeting a girl who doesn't expect stuff from you. Mm. All right. I love that one. We have the merch competition from the fans. We got a bunch.

We got a million submissions. Yeah, we have 15 here. 15 of the top ones you guys picked. Exactly. All right, let's see. Let's call us in the booth. Okay, let's go to the first one. Satchel Fryburger.

I love that one. Hitler loved him too. This is... Come here, Fryburger. What do you think of that one? This is cool. Yeah, cause she's in. What do you think of that one? This is cool. Yeah, cause she's in the middle. No.

Yeah, yeah. No. I like that it looks like it was done on school paper. Yeah, it's pretty cool looking. What's the name of that stuff? I can't answer that. I got a notebook. Yeah, but what is it called?

The paper. Notebook, let's move on. Yeah, you know what I mean. You know what I'm talking about? No, we don't, let's move on. The boy's nodded. I do like that one. This one I like too, that's cool. That's Gavin Reyes. Shout out to him. That's pretty cool. about? There's a- No, we don't. Let's move on. The boys nodded. I do like that one. This one I like too.

That's cool. That's Gavin Reyes. That's pretty cool. Shout out to him. Is that imitating- Is this Halloween themed? No. No.

Oh, okay. No, what? Some of them kind of ended up being Halloween themed. Because of the time of the year. Okay, okay. But this, is that imitating a certain kind of art? Is that the, we're on the bottom of Turtle Island, I imagine? Yeah.

I love, wait, wait, zoom in on my arm there. You got a Mad TV, he's got your tattoo? Dude, he put the Mad TV tattoo on there and the comedy school one. And Steve. That's insane. And Steve. And Steve, that's incredible. And he has the one in your right arm

and you can barely see it. Yeah, that's incredible detail. I really like that a lot. Okay, let's go to the next one. All right, let's do the next one. Stephen Lee McLaughlin. Okay, let's go to the next one. All right, let's do the next one. Stephen Lee McLaughlin. Okay, zoom in. Yeah, you look like George W. Bush there.

Come on over here, Bobby. Yeah, yeah. Zoom in, please. So- What's that on his other arm? Yeah, do I have tits? A tumor? No. I know what it is.

I'm your underdeveloped Siamese twin. Oh my God, that's great. Yeah, yeah, that's what it is. I'm your underdeveloped Siamese twin. Oh my God, that's great. Yeah, yeah, that's what it is. I do like my teeth. Those are pretty accurate. Yeah. I like that a lot. That's fucking-

I really like that. That is really, that kind of- Pretty good, that was pretty good. That's what my teeth look like. Really good. All jagged. Pablo Serrano. So that was, oh wow.

I like that one. That's cute. That is that one. That's cute. That is so cute. That one on the top right is really good. I think that right now is. That's a top runner. Top runner. Let's see the next shirt.

So he just put these on shirts. Oh, that's cool. They're like a wrap shirts, like street wrap shirts. Yeah. That's cool. Thank you, Pablo Serrano. Pretty cool. And this is a,

Wow, presentation. Yomar Kabala. Oh, he's got a whole. Oh,. And this is a- Wow, a whole presentation. Jomar Caballa. Oh, he's got a whole- Oh, that's got like a, what's it? Oh, um. Taco Cabana kind of vibe. Taco Cabana? The restaurant? Is that what you're talking about?

Yeah, do the right thing almost. He's talking about, yeah, he's talking about, yeah. Spike Lee move. Spike Lee, yeah, do the right thing. Yeah. That's great, thank you. Let's go to the bottom. Thank you, Jomar. That's. Yeah, do the right thing. Yeah. That's great. Thank you. Let's go to the bottom. Thank you, Jomar.

That's cool. Go to the right. This is Noelle Hoffman. Whoa, this is weird. Oh, I think you showed, one of you guys sent one. Zoom it in, zoom it in. Yeah, I like that one. Yeah, yeah. That's cute.

That's pretty cute. By the way, it does look like a gay couple. Yeah, it does. But it's so cute. It looks like a big bear on his little twink. It's so cute. Okay. Malos amigos, Tito Baby, Tito Randro, Andres,

this is Ana Pimentel, Pimentel. Oh, so one of them is Dumb and Dumber. I know the other one is this kid. And the other one is Coco. Coco, from the movie Coco. Coco, that's pretty cool. By the way, I cried so fucking hard for that movie. So.

Oh, before we go on, side note. Oh, maybe we did talk about that. Penguin is riveting. You saw the fourth one? I'm not there yet, I'm on the third. The fourth one is gonna make you- I'm gonna watch it when I get home tonight. I'm done with three.

Four is gonna blow your mind. The whole thing is fucking fantastic. It's so fantastic. But can I say something? Okay, go tell me. This is gonna annoy you. Okay. Four hours of makeup every day.

I know. You couldn't just get a fat guy. I know. Just get- Do you know how long? Just get a fat, ugly guy. There's so many fat, ugly guys. Have you ever been to Van Nuys? When I played John McCain, right?

What? It's funny that, I mean, he was in the- I played John Mc- He was in the military. He tried to kill you people. I know, I know. I'm doing this with my hands and my people fucked up his hand.

Right? It was like, oh yeah, 2 a.m. call time. Yeah, six hours of makeup. And we don't shoot till 10. I'm gonna ask you what he has to go through. Colin Farrell, they showed the process on YouTube. It's insane. Anyway, let's go to the next one.

Shout out to him. Wow. Joe K. That's cool. You like that one? Yeah, very cool. Pretty cool, dude. Oh, I like this kind of stuff like. All right, let me tell you this. Yeah. I am, Shaik, Shaik?

Yeah. I love this. I know, zoom in on what the dialogue is. It says, I'm Bobby Mom and you say- Can I say something? Can I say something? I'm Bobby Mom, yeah say- Can I say something? Can I say something? I'm Bobby Mom. Yeah.

Honestly, I think this art is so fucking rad. I like it. Look on the shirt. If you go over to the shirt, the thing I thought would be cool is if it was actually threaded, if these were like threaded, you know what I mean? Oh my God, that'd be cool.

Right? Doesn't that look like that? I like that a lot. That is a sick- I like that a lot. Ayan, Ayan, Shack. Shack, come on, get a- Shack.

Get us a way to say your name. Just put it in phonetics next to it. I don't know how to say that. I'm sorry, bud. That. Shake. Shake. Come on, get a- Shake. Get us a way to say your name. Just put it in phonetics next to it. I don't know how to say that. I'm sorry, bud. That's a cool one. I love you, Ayan. Ayan. And this is Alex Villalobos. Let's zoom in. Los Malos Amigos. Okay. I don't know what you're doing, bud.

Oh, I love that. Yeah, that's pretty cool. You're ripping a heater on a horse. Look at the horses look tired. They look tired. We've been riding all day. So good. That is such a fucking- Great art. I'd buy that right now. Yeah, me too.

I got a bag of golf clubs. You got a heater. Okay, next one. By the way, I do want just a little note for Alex Villalobos. Make his horse a little smaller. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah.

Lindsay Wolt. Oh, I love those ice cream bars. Those are pretty cool, dude. That's fucking rad. It's so creative. That is, man. I like that a lot. Dude, the fans are fucking-

They're the best. They're unbelievable. Like talent, Lindsay Wolt. Wow. Shout out to her. And this is- Oh, this is so cool, dude. A dom and dommer, Asha Keister, is that it?

Yeah, but zoom in, zoom in. So good. And the shirt goes back in the back of the shirt, the hat. That's rad. It's so rad, dude. That is rad. It's so rad, dude. That is so fucking cool. I like that so much.

Damn, dude, there's so much good stuff. Yeah. Octavio Garcia, Bobby Momslept King. I love the Rock'em Sock'em robots, that's so rad. God. Next one. Creon Chickenhead. Dude, zoom in. You know what this is?

Dude. This is great. Dude, this is what I want my life to be. That's what I want my life to be with you. And you're wearing your beautiful birthday chain. Dude, what are you wearing? What, you dressed me up this morning. Oh yeah. Dude, that is so cool.

Can I tell you something? I would love to get a Bad Friends choker. That is such a funny piece of clothing. That's rad. Giovanni Zanette. Oh, and this is a merging of us. It's art. Wow, that's fucking wild.

It's art. That is pure art. Like Andy Warhol. I think that's so sick. I'd love to frame that on the right. Yeah. Or you're gonna have to send us those, send us the pictures to our phone.

Those are so good. We have to look at them again. Rudy, you have to vote for us too. What's that? It's Dragon Ball Z. Just one more. Yeah, I like that one a lot too. That's cool.

Although, they made you a little too big. Yeah, maybe. You should be a little smaller. Yeah, maybe. Well, you're more fragile, you're more tiny. Yeah. Woo. Yeah. Woo. Thanks for watching!