Bad Friends - Nasa Poops In Space
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Transcript
Discussion (0)
You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots?
White dude and an Asian dude.
You two are something.
We're bad friends.
I'm coming in with a positive light like I always do
in every social situation.
It's pure light, you know?
Pure light.
Yeah, but-
Well, let's hash something out then.
I have hashs with you.
You got a hash with me?
Yeah, yeah.
I got a pretty big hash with you.
I haven't hash with him.
And can I just preemptively say what your hash is,
what I think it's going to be?
because I'd like to do that.
Can I do that to you then?
Yeah, preempting.
You preemptedly hash and then I'll do it and then you do it.
But I think it goes in that order.
Yeah.
All right?
Because I feel completely connected with you guys and in harmony with you guys.
We and Andre has hugged when I walked in here.
I feel like we're...
That sounds like a guilty person.
Yeah.
We're fully, we're fully connected.
You know what I mean?
So go ahead.
Preemptively hash.
This is because you called me.
Okay, that's not.
No, on Saturday night and I got, you said, oh, like, time is bad friends.
And I said, oh, you're back from Utah already.
And you said, I never left.
Okay, so can we do, now we're doing a Pulp Fiction.
We're doing a Pulp Fiction.
We're jumping around a lot.
But by the way, the story will make sense at the end.
I think it will make sense.
It will.
That's very good.
All right.
So this is very pulp fiction-y.
Yeah.
All right.
So here's my side of the story.
Okay.
Andrew and I were supposed to fly to Utah.
Andrew did fly to Utah.
I know.
From a different city, though.
I left from Seattle, Washington for my niece's graduation, enjoying time.
Oh, who cares?
Just because you barely made it out of high school.
Okay.
Some people, it's important.
Okay.
High school?
It's big.
Oh, okay.
She's already in college.
They did the hat thing.
They've thrown, woo, we're not going to get jobs.
Society's over.
She's smart.
She'll get a job.
All right.
She'll get a job.
I left my nieces graduation in Seattle, and I flew direct, leaving my family, I flew direct
down to Salt Lake City.
Did you see the, did you see?
So I get a call from Carlos.
Hey man, Bob's flights delayed.
I said, delay.
I said, okay, delays happen all the time.
He doesn't want to wait.
It's my time.
He doesn't want to wait, man.
I call him.
This guy.
Dude, they said that they're, they said that they're,
There's air in the engine.
An air bubble in the engine.
Whatever telephone game got played with the mechanics of the failure is fine.
And I said, okay, well, just wait it out.
And he goes, no, they said they're probably not going to take off, man.
And I was like, well, come on.
I mean, like, is there another flight?
I don't want to go to LAX.
I said, all right, but there's got to be another flight.
Oh, you would go to LAX from Burbank.
That's an hour drive.
So what?
Okay.
You're not even driving.
You're in a car.
Okay.
So on top of that, so I said, fine, I understand not going to LAS.
That's fine. That's fine.
You would never do that.
No, I would.
You would never do that.
For this show, I would.
No, you wouldn't.
They both know.
There was a Burbank flight.
There was a Burbank flight anyway. So here's my other point.
Not only did that plane take off, the flight after it also took off.
You know how I know that?
Because one of the guys on the shoot took that flight.
So you stink.
And I said to Carlos, hey man, they said that that other flight is going to take off.
because I called.
And then he goes, Carlos goes.
Let's hear to the other side of the story.
And then Carlos goes, he's already at home.
And I said, where are you?
And you go, I had to leave, man.
And he even lied on the phone and said, I'm going to wait a couple hours.
I'll wait, I'll wait.
He didn't even wait one hour.
So go ahead.
Go ahead.
Go ahead and play your case.
All right.
I wake up at 6.30.
And don't go boohoo.
Yeah, boo-hoo.
I just said not to boo-hoo it.
Don't tempt me with the boo-hoo.
All right.
Okay.
6.30.
I guess what?
I'm waking up tomorrow at four to go to New York.
Boo-hoo.
Exactly.
I'm not complaining about it.
It happens.
You know what adults do?
You choose to do that.
I choose to do that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I've got to get up this morning.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What?
You choose to get up this early and to go to New York.
What do you going to New York for?
I have to do press for our show.
I'm doing podcasts without you because I can't relax.
on you anymore.
Okay.
Can I tell my side of the story?
Yeah, go ahead.
All right.
I get up early.
I get to the Burbank Airport.
Yeah.
Right?
I check in.
The early part is meaningless, by the way.
You're 55.
It's a flight.
You have to take it.
Yeah.
Okay.
Can I just say something?
Back in the nomad times, okay?
There weren't planes.
Can I just finish what I'm saying?
You had your opportunity.
You've seen Congress.
They interrupt all the time.
All right.
But yield it then.
Try to yield your time.
So a group of people would not sleep at the same time.
Right. People are genetically to sleep later, right? And we're called the watchers.
No. Yes, I'm telling you. I'm a watcher. You don't watch shit.
Yes, but in a clan and in a tribal situation out in the wilderness. What?
Not humans. You're talking about dogs. No, no, no, no, no. If someone wanted to watch for everyone at night, you wouldn't be the one.
I know, but I'm genetically made up to be that guy. They would kill you. They go this one's worth it.
We would be dead. Yes, I'm not saying that. I'm not arguing that point that we would definitely be dead.
But that's what I'm genetically engineered to do
is see up late at night
And to watch, I wouldn't watch
We'd all die from the wolves, I get it.
Yeah.
All right, so what I'm saying is that this 630 a call time, right,
is genetically and biologically different for me
Because I'm a night owl.
You should be up already.
Yeah.
Yeah, I know.
That's when I sleep.
Okay, so now I have no sleep.
Okay.
Thank you.
So you get there with no sleep.
I get there with no sleep, right?
And I get through the checkpoint, right?
And then I...
Six people.
Max at Burbank.
Who's 15?
All right.
So don't do that.
Okay.
All right?
It doesn't have pre-checked.
Right?
Yeah, loser.
I go to my gate.
They call my number.
Which is number one.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I get on the plane, right?
I strap in.
Yeah.
I put my headphones in.
I take my pillow.
And I follow.
sleep. Sure. I open my eyes and there's no one on the plane. So now I'm in a fever dream.
Okay? They had evacuated the flight and I'm the last one and they go, sir, you didn't get that,
what's going on? Right? Patrified. Right? And I go, what is going on? They go, there's an air bubble.
In the engine. That's what they said to me. I believe it. I'm not an engineer. I don't know anything
about it. I don't know either, but I imagine that's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't Google it.
Okay. But it would happen to you. It has. It has. It has.
That's what everyone I know said. This would happen to Bobby. Exactly. So I'm the last guy off the
plane and I see the line, right, for the front desk and it's everyone in the plane. What does that matter?
Because they're all trying to, because they all have like, you know what I mean? Connections and stuff
like that. You don't. I understand that. So I go up to the lady, right? There's another laid out
from the side and I go. Side lady? There's always a side lady. There's always a side lady.
Yeah. And I said, what's going on? Well, there's some engine problems. And I go, how long will it take? We don't know probably an hour or two. Right. And I go, okay. Get a snack. I sat down. You did. I call Carlos. I call people around me, right? And then about 20 minutes later, I walked back up to the lady. And I go, what are the odds of this taking off? She goes, probably not good. That's what she told me. The woman that works at the front desk?
Does she have experience working on planes?
Can I say that?
You know, I'm not going to get to the tarmac.
Go to the fucking people that are working on the plane and go,
You should.
Hey, Joe.
You don't know me.
I don't even know how I got here.
Oh, no.
I saw how you got down.
Don't worry about it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just getting this air bubble out of the engine.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
How long is this going to take this air bubble?
Maybe an hour or two?
Go get a snack.
I understand that, but is there a possibility that it might not take off?
Possibility will all die today.
Go get a snack.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't like that possibility.
Well, I mean, either.
but is your buddy already in Salt Lake doing the pod without yet?
Yeah, he flew out from Washington.
Man, I can't believe he flew.
It flew out from Washington.
Well, you ought to go home and get some more rest.
All right.
You lazy fuck.
All right, so then I go back.
Get this air bubble out.
So I'm sitting there and I'm going, okay, so the probability, right?
And then my assumption with that line is everyone's trying to get onto that 1230 flight.
You already have a ticket.
Your ticket's already good.
Okay.
Your ticket's already good for a flight.
They remove you from a flight.
Your ticket's still good.
Okay.
It doesn't deactivate your ticket.
Could this possibly?
happen. Okay, could this possibly happen? What could it possibly happen was you waited, got a snack
and a coffee, took a rest or whatever. Somebody could have woken you up. Carlos should have gone to the
fucking airport with you. That's what he even admitted. He goes, I should have just held his hand,
you know, which is not your fault. But then you should have just waited. You have never been
on a plane before. I know how it all works. You fell asleep and everybody got off. So it doesn't
sound like you know what the fuck is going on. And then you left without the even giving it a chance.
I gave it a chance. I asked, probabilities. I'm a whole about
probabilities. That woman doesn't know.
Well, obviously. She's just telling you
stuff. What? Moneyball? Yeah, you're a big money ball guy. I'm a money ball guy.
So anyway, you bail early. You go home because I don't bail early.
You wanted a reason to go home. Just admit it. Say you wanted a reason to go home.
I will not admit. Admit that the air bubble was like, yes. Yeah, I went to the airport.
My full intention was to go to Utah. But once you got an out, you saw it and you ran right to.
I take every out. That's right. Yeah. Air bubble out. So don't give me an out.
Get me a better plane!
I air-bubble-less plane.
Okay.
Okay?
All right.
Well, that plane still made it.
Okay.
And you were at home.
I was asleep.
I know.
Yeah, in my comfy bed.
I know.
King size, by the way.
What does that mean anything?
What is that?
It's very comfortable.
So you're just bragging about the rewards you get for doing less work?
That's it, folks.
You can do less shit and you still win.
When you advertise for mattresses on a podcast, sometimes they give you a free king-sized bed.
They sure do.
Avocado green match.
Yeah, avocado green matches is the best mattresses in the world made out of bamboo sticks and whatnot.
Okay.
What I'm saying to you is that you fucking bailed.
I try.
And you should have just said sorry.
And I'm not going to say sorry.
I refuse to say sorry.
I know, I know, I know, because you don't care.
I do care.
You didn't want to do it anyway.
I was at the airport.
I was on the flight.
What are you talking about?
But once it got delayed, oh, you don't wait.
No.
Oh, good.
Yeah, I don't wait.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah.
I'll remember that.
I'm going to see Disclosure Day Wednesday.
Okay?
I know the bad reviews.
Okay?
I haven't heard anything.
Yeah, but if I wait in line, I will not.
That's just the way I do it.
Good.
I don't like lines.
I don't like waiting around.
I don't like probabilities.
There's probably a chance that's not going to take off.
Then I'm going to spend three hours at the airport for nothing.
What's the difference?
But it is for something because I went out of my way to make sure that I did my part.
Because your plane took off on time.
It doesn't matter.
I would have waited.
I don't think you would have.
Ask these guys, would I have waited at the fucking airport to go to something?
What I've waited?
Of course I would have waited.
I would have waited all fucking day.
Because we made a commitment and I would do it.
If you're going to raise your voice, I'm going to.
Do it.
I asked Melanie about the J.S.
Melanie had the fucking date wrong.
Your assistant didn't even have the right date.
That's how we do it in my company.
I get it.
They don't have JSC to SLC.
No, they don't.
They don't.
I discovered that through exploring.
So I did some exploring as well.
There were another flight you could have taken.
Same airline.
Same airline.
All right.
So the next flight was, so I had gotten there at 7.30.
The next flight was at 1230.
Okay.
So what you're telling me is, and I assume, you know, when you assume you make an ass out of you and me, we know that term.
Right.
But I made an assumption saying thought that that line to the front desk is so fucking long.
they're all trying to get onto that 1230 flight because of the air bubble situation here, right?
There's no way I'm going to get on that flight.
First class ticket.
Yeah.
Here's another thing I was going to ask you is, is there a possibility because this has happened to me before?
Me having a first class ticket, right?
The flight being canceled, I have to get on another flight, right?
And then I don't have first class anymore.
I think there are.
So my point is that there's that probability as well.
What does that matter?
I won't fly.
I didn't fly first class from Seattle.
Seattle.
That's your rules.
It's not a rule.
It's just a thing I'm willing to do for the show.
It's a thing I'm willing to do to make sure that these things happen because we've done so much
for the show.
Well, I'm going to New York.
And guess what?
What?
As long as it takes off in time.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And there's no air bubbles.
You might be doing one or two of those alone.
Okay.
We'll see.
You know what?
I'm willing to do many alone.
Do it.
I will.
Okay, I will.
Okay.
And what I'm going to say to you is, go ahead and say,
you're never, ever, ever.
I'm over Utah.
And I'll tell you this, that's in your face.
I run the business side of this.
I understand.
I will make sure that we fuck you over.
I'm going to pay you in Chinese yen.
Okay, okay.
That's how they're getting that oil money from Iran.
And us Asians?
Moving on, because nobody cares about this bullshit bitch fest of us.
Anyway, go watch me on Impulsive on a more fun note.
No, I just, it's not done because we have-
You and I are done.
I know, you and I are done, but I still have this.
Oh, yeah, fuck him.
No, no, let me tell you what happened with it.
Eat him alive.
I'm going to tell you what happened with him, right?
Call me.
So no, just stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
And now I feel good again.
I feel good.
Salt Lake is washed away.
Salt Lake is behind us.
It's way back there.
Yeah, it's way, way back there.
Salt waste is the name of that.
All right.
All morning, right, Carlos and I are talking at the Burbank airport.
Right.
Right.
Probably, you can look at my phone.
Probably 12 calls.
Yeah, he told me to talk to you call.
Back and forth.
And then at the end, I'm like, I'm going home.
And then you say, go home.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, just go home.
First of all.
He's like.
And you should have been brought up at the very beginning.
He goes, Andrew can do it on his own.
I did not say that.
I believe you did.
I didn't say that part.
Did you tell him to go home?
I said go home.
Then I believe what he just said.
Andrew, that's how a parent talks to a kid when they want to go home.
Wait, is he just interjecting information that wasn't really there because you did admit that you said go home?
What did you say after go home?
No, no, go home hung up after that.
No, no.
That's insane.
Go home.
Beep.
No, there's no way.
No, no.
Yeah, like an agent from the 90s.
They don't want you.
Go home.
And then back.
I'm at home, I called them.
I feel kind of weird.
I'm home.
He's like, putting this all on me now.
So then he said, don't feel weird.
Andrew can do it alone.
Yeah, and also take a good rest, which I did.
And thank you for that advice.
I did.
Right, right.
So here's-
I knew it, dude.
All right.
I knew it.
All right.
So he knows now that I'm not in Utah.
Annoying.
I call him Saturday night, right?
Twelve hours later.
12 hours later.
And I go, what are you doing?
I just hear music and, like.
Partying.
Women go.
Yeah, I just, you know what I mean?
He said, let me get out of here real quick, man.
I'm in the Trubodore, man.
Right?
I can see him walk out.
The noise get less and less, right?
He goes, uh, do you make it back from Utah?
You doing drugs?
That's why I asked.
Are you on drugs?
No, no, no, I just, I forgot, man.
Did you do drugs at the Trubidor?
Of course.
I didn't expect my boss to call me late at night.
Who'd you go see?
It was like a fish cover band for a friend's birthday.
You don't even like fish.
a fish cover band.
Yeah, but I like Molly.
Okay.
Okay.
Carlos.
So Carlos just, and I asked him, are you on drug?
He goes, no.
We got to fire everybody from this show.
I know, I know.
It's ridiculous.
How did you not remember the episode of the morning?
Because to me it was like a different dreamland.
Oh, you're in different.
You know when you start an episode and on a plane you fall asleep, you wake up?
He forgot which episode he was on.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So last night, late at night, you want to watch something that you shouldn't watch in the evening.
Maternal instinct.
Oh, yeah.
Oh my God.
It's a movie.
No, it's a documentary.
Mother's Instinct.
I'm sorry.
Is that what it's called on Netflix?
Dude, it's atrocious.
Oh, I want to watch it.
This fucking chick.
Okay, I want to watch it.
Maternal instinct, that was right.
Yeah, maternal instinct, I was right.
Yeah, I want to watch it.
This girl.
Okay, don't tell me anything about it.
I'm not going to say anything about it.
All I'll say is in the history of these kind of fucked up wild scenarios.
Yeah.
You've never seen someone layer something to this degree.
It's going to blow your mind.
Some people at home have already heard this story
and it's cruising on Netflix, so everyone's watching it.
Oh, God, I'm not going to watch Widows Bay and now this.
You got to watch both.
But I will say, don't watch this right before you go to bed.
Okay.
Because the end of it is disgusting.
Because there was another documentary kind of like this
before that was a big sensation.
Right, that's her and her husband.
What was that one?
Oh, the one with the girl crashed into the wall.
Oh, crap.
No, no, the mom that was catfishing is her daughter.
Yeah.
What was that one called?
Oh, dude, I don't want to say anything, but God, do I want to say something?
No, you can't about maternal.
What was that called?
Yeah, that, that documentary.
What was that called?
Unknown number, the high school cap.
Unknown number.
Yeah, that, did you see that?
Yeah, dude.
Yeah.
That woman, this woman is insane.
They're still cool now, by the way.
Like, it's like they're fine.
I know.
That, those parents, that relationship is good.
In maternal instinct is, is that what it's called?
Yeah.
Is that relationship fine?
Oh, dude.
When I say this.
I'm trying to do it very politically
so I don't give anything away.
Yeah.
Don't, don't, I don't want to photo.
Don't show photos because then it's going to give stuff away.
The amount of people that this woman like fucked over basically because of what she did.
Too much already.
It's like, it's like, remember how, remember when we first learned about Ponzi schemes?
And we saw what made off like and how the tree kept going of like, and this guy got
fuck because of this, this, this, this.
And this person lost this, this, this chick.
Okay, I get it.
It's.
Can I guess what's about?
Sure.
Okay, a mother.
You're there.
You're halfway there.
Okay, good.
A mother, right?
And she supposedly is a Christian.
Yeah, there was no religious intent in this at all.
Yeah, but there's a hidden subject.
Well, they're in the South.
Yeah, they're in the South, so yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And she creates, she says it's gold, but it's really, it's a cross and it's a necklace.
Okay.
I like it.
Right?
And she says it's real blood diamonds.
Uh-huh.
Yeah, yeah. And she sells it to her old family. I don't know what it's about. I think I'm already off. I can just tell you that it's one of the greatest webs any humans ever spun and it ends tragically. Well, obviously, through the picture, I see that she's in prison. No, that's actually not what that is. That's what she dresses like. No, she's being, this is her being investigated. This is her just being questioned. So she dresses in all blue. Well, when they arrested you, you're just in question. She's not a
in prison for this right now.
For this, for this, for this.
The clothing, though, she's wearing, that's her own personal clothing.
Kids got great wardrobe, great style.
That's a pretty good.
Yeah.
It's, uh, it's locked up chic.
Yeah.
Yeah, so it's going to take 30 years to get nanotechnology.
I mean, people are saying like, AI is catching up.
We're going to have nanotechnology.
And it's like, dude, it's going to take, hello?
Breaking Sports News.
This is big.
Bobby, this is very, very, very big.
Lonnie the Hawk Hawkins.
2004 is number one golfer in the world.
Three-time major champion is attempting a comeback.
He needs one more major to complete the Grand Slam.
The Grand Slam.
Who are you talking about, dude?
Lonnie, what?
Clearly I'm talking about Lonnie, the Hawk Hawkins.
The greatest.
The greatest of what?
Three majors.
The visor, the hair.
Come on, Bobby.
The greatest golfer to ever pick up a club.
I don't know anything about golf.
Can he come back and do it again?
Who knows?
Do one again!
Can he win?
Will he win?
Who's Lonnie?
Okay.
Lonnie, the Hawk, Hawkins.
Okay, so who's Lonnie?
He will win.
Okay, he will.
Can I ask some questions?
Will he win?
Yes.
I hope so.
I hope so, too, that he'll win, but who is Lonnie Hawkins?
Maybe.
All the power is in the visor.
That visor.
This visor now.
It looks pretty powerful, dude.
But I doubt, I doubt, I don't, what?
Put one on.
I'm not going to.
Put one on.
Oh, God.
Oh, my God.
We look absurd, but we're champions now.
Oh, my God.
I feel the power.
Do you feel the power of the Hawk?
I feel so much more confident than I ever have been or will be.
I believe in the lawn.
You have to.
I do.
Tell me more.
Bleach blonde hair.
The colored shirts, the swagger.
The ex-wife, who doesn't believe in you, means nothing to Lonnie the Hawk Hawkins.
Because he's the man!
The comeback is real.
And he's going to have a comeback, and he's the man, and he's going to do it.
He must.
He will.
He can.
But he might not.
He should.
But he will.
He will.
He definitely will, right?
Do you think Lonnie the Hawk Hawkins can actually complete the Grand Slam?
He needs one more major.
His body, Robert, says retire.
His heart says no way.
Yeah, I'm going to take this hat off now.
I don't think he can.
Really?
Yeah.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
He will.
He will.
He will.
His age. He will at his age! He's a champion. He's going to do it.
Can he win a major? Lottie the Hawk at Hawkins.
Can he win a major at his age? His age is close to your age.
Yeah, and you know what? My age? Yes, he can.
Is his... His bones are going to ache. His legs are going to creak. His mind's going to be disheveled,
but at the end of the day, he's going to persevere. He's going to rise to the occasion.
Because he's the hawking of Lonnie, all Lonnie Hawkins.
He's the Hawk Hawkins. Yeah, yeah.
Is this inspiring or delusional? Is Lonnie the Hawk inspirational? Is Lonnie the Hawk inspirational?
It's inspiring. You must believe.
I believe now.
Should Lonnie's son Lance support his dad's comeback or stage an intervention?
I think he should.
You think he should support his father?
Well, I think in a family dynamic, I think that's a healthiest choice.
Well, don't be upset because you no longer have a father because...
My dad died.
He did.
Yes.
But that's not the case here.
Lonnie the Hawk Hawkins.
Okay.
The Hawk.
Premier's July 16th on Netflix.
Lonnie Hawkins, three majors.
One more for the Grand Slam.
Watch it on Netflix on July 6th.
16th.
All right.
I'll get my endorse.
You'll watch the Hawk on July 16th on Netflix.
But let me say something.
If the visor doesn't make them better, I'm out.
That's fine.
Okay.
So everyone at home, please watch the Hawk, July 16th on Netflix with Lonnie, the Hawk.
Hawkins.
A hawkhan.
Mountain Dew!
Hey, Bobby.
America is 250-year-old.
Happy birthday, America.
An old lady.
She is a beautiful lady.
And I'm telling you, why not pop a little Mountain Dew while you get together with.
with your friends this summer because it's delicious.
And, and, and, and.
Yeah.
And.
It's an iconic drink.
It's an iconic drink.
It's Mountain Dew, an American original.
Just like you, Andrew.
Just like you.
Yeah.
That's right.
Family fishing, Lakeside, Hanks, Road Trips, rounds of golf concerts.
I don't care where you are.
Grab yourself adieu.
It's tasting great since 48.
The bowl taste you know and love, it's got proud American roots, baby.
Yeah, my parents never gave me soda, right?
So one time I went to a store and I bought some Mountain Dews.
And when I drank it, it felt like pure America, dude, right in my bloodstream.
Dude, the dude.
You see two bald eagles flying by?
Yeah.
Mountain Dew.
It's a great way to start a damn good time.
Enjoy the refreshing citrus kick of Mountain Dew.
An American original tasting great since 48.
Wow.
Look for Mountain Dew in stores near you at Mountain Dew.com.
That's Mountain Dew.com.
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dot com slash bad friends so i flip over this is insane i flip over my furniture yesterday yeah because my wife's like
hey we want to get new cushions before like my family comes in and stuff because they're old and they're
fucked up and they've been outside forever and i was like all right so i flip over the chairs because
i'm going to spray them down and clean them five right where i've sit all the time i get let me guess
five what black widows oh my god five and their eggs are all inside the arm of the chair
You're so rich.
It was the Jackson Five, dude.
Is that who one?
Yeah.
I was like, Michael, Tanya?
Would he sing ABC?
Yeah.
ABC.
One, two, three.
Five black widows underneath.
And they had eggs, baby, baby eggs underneath.
Wow.
So I had to look it up because I was like, what is that?
Does that kill?
It doesn't kill people.
But dogs, it does.
It does kill dogs.
I look that up.
Because the venom is so, to humans, I guess it's not, it's not strong.
enough to do anything to us, but it can paralyze a piece of your body if the venom seeps in the right place.
Highly potent neurotoxygen primarily composed of whatever.
A female black widow, girl, when...
Yeah, and anyway, so there's another movie that I couldn't sleep for two days that Carlos saw.
What?
What?
It's insane.
It's insane.
It's called Burger Infinity.
No, it's not.
No way that's the name.
It's called buffet infinity.
It's called buffet.
It's so good.
Burger Infinity is so funny.
Buffet Infinity.
Just everyone gets sick and dies from a buffet.
Yeah.
No, it's a movie.
Oh, it's a movie.
This is not a documentary.
No, it's a movie set all in commercials.
Brilliant.
From a local town.
Is Netflix?
No, I rented it.
Yeah, yeah.
And it is, I couldn't sleep for two days after watching it.
And I've seen it three times since.
That's, yeah, I've seen it three.
I got to watch.
No, you're going to hate it.
This is not your thing.
What do you mean?
This is our thing.
McCone liked it too.
This is our thing.
I guess I won't be in.
This is not your thing.
Why?
It's going to drive you crazy and it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's like the fun of it.
It's annoying.
No, it just, it just never stops commercials.
It's all commercials for two hours.
Oh, yeah.
No, I don't want to watch that.
Yeah, yeah.
But you follow the story that way.
It's an interesting pitch.
Yeah, yeah.
But two hours of commercials is heavy.
But then you, it's like the movie they live where as, as if you can wear the glasses now.
Ah, so you're okay
No, maybe I do like that
And and
it's
You look at billboards differently
You look at advertisement differently
Who did this and when did this come out
Is this brand new or it's been out for a minute?
It's pretty new
It's a Canadian film
Yeah
Simon Glassman
2025 it came out
Yeah yeah
What did it get out Rotten Tomatoes?
Second City TV
So it's produced by a bunch of those Second City guys
Yeah I know some people I recognize
Oh that's cool
Yeah can you
What was the rotten tomatoes?
Yeah, I got it.
A hundred.
Shut up.
Not a lot of reviews, but 100% of Rotten Tomatoes.
No, 14 reviews.
That's not a real number.
It's got to get reviewed.
Yeah, I wasn't like reviewed, reviewed.
But, I mean, it's good.
No, but that's sick.
I think I might try it.
I mean...
I'm going to hate it.
You're right, because it does sound...
I'm just going to let you know.
It's a set of commercials
from the small town in Canada, right?
And in the beginning of the movie,
it's kind of just like,
you know, you're bland, local.
television commercials from small businesses, right?
But then as the commercials continue, it gets more nefarious.
All right, I'm going to try it.
Yeah, yeah.
And then it's awesome.
It's fucking awesome.
It really is.
And it's a little disturbing.
I like that, though.
Yeah, it's a yeah.
We need a little bit more disturbing.
The world isn't fucked up enough.
Carlos watched every second of UFC.
Did you see that?
For sure, he did.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
I thought it like a bomb was going to go off or something.
I just wanted.
What?
What? Why? What do you mean? Like an assassination
attempt? Yeah, I'd be like, oh, my God, dark, dark, dark. That's an insane thing to
say. You're a lunatic. You're a lunatic. To see like half the government go away in one moment
would be so crazy. What's going on? What it's going on? I'm not saying it's good or bad.
You're deep into the internet, dude. Oh, you have TikTok. Oh, this is about Buffet Infinity. He was like,
oh, it's about data centers, man. That's what it's really about. Could be though.
But that's TikTok. I'm going to watch it. And you're saying I have. So you saw on TikTok reviewer
go off about it. That's why. You saw someone on TikTok talking about it and then you got in your head.
No, no, no. And it starts there and it ends with tuberculosis. It always does. It starts.
Dude, I've been down the holes. Yeah, yeah. I've been down the holes where you go, this is kind of
interesting. My holes, I can't reveal my holes. Everybody's seen your holes. Yeah, yeah, no, not my
physical holes. Oh. My mental holes, right? Right. And my mental holes, no one can hear about them because
I would be on a list. Oh, I know. Well, Carlos should be on a list after what you said. Yeah, you should be on a
but I would be on some sort of list.
You get new jeans? You did, didn't you? Because I commented they look good.
Yeah, I got some new salvaged Japanese denim. I thought it was a little surprise for myself
because I haven't done this in a long time. And were you surprised?
Yes, I was surprised. I was surprised because I...
Very salvaged, by the way.
What? They look very salvaged. They're very salvaged. And thank you.
From a salvage yard? Yeah, in Okinawa.
They were like, give me a bumper of an 86 accord in those jeans.
Yeah.
That's a salvage yard.
They go, okay.
But you want the car too?
No, I don't need the car.
Just give me the door.
Yeah, but yeah, I got some new jeans.
It takes a long time to wear them out.
They look very good.
They're a little stiff at the beginning.
They're very stiff.
You know what you got to do?
Don't tell me.
What?
Your pool.
You got to put them in your coffee pool.
No, I'll tell you.
Can I tell you what to do?
What?
This is actually a really good sneaky trick.
Okay.
You find a young person, like a young dude that, like Richie or someone at the studio,
and let him wear them for two weeks straight
because they'll fuck them up.
He'll sleep in them.
He'll live in them.
I don't want Richie's enzyme in my jeans.
Richie's a clean kid.
No, no, no.
I don't care.
Any biological matter that Richie has,
I don't want him on my jeans.
Okay, what about Carlos?
Do you let him rock your jeans?
No, because you don't wash organum.
I know.
He's not going to sweat in it.
I don't want his enzymes or, you don't mean, cells,
or any of that on my jeans.
None of his epidermis should land in your hair.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Whatever you do in my jeans,
your little rave parties that you go to,
I don't want them on my jeans.
You put them on and go like,
yeah, yeah.
They would be like white on the inside.
Yeah.
All right.
At tuberculosis.
Oh, TB jeans.
TBT jeans.
No,
I'm going to do them on my own.
I've done them before.
I'm just going to do them.
I went hiking in them yesterday
and people are looking at me weird.
No,
that's actually smart hiking on them.
Yeah, because there's a...
You're not going to fucking believe this shit, dude.
I'm...
I bet I am.
It's by my house, right?
There's that little hockey hiking trail.
Yeah.
You know that one?
Oh yeah. Yeah. And there's a parking lot. Yeah. Right. So you, for 15 years I've been going there.
Now they make you pay. So I get off. I'm done hiking, you know, in these jeans. I go to my car. I got a
parking ticket. I know. I was livid about it. I went there and I was like, when have we had to pay for this?
I've lived here. I know. For 20 years, you've never had to pay for that parking lot for that park.
Yeah. And now they put a machine and they make you pay. By the way. Yeah. It's like 10 bucks for an hour. It's something
insane. It's insane. It's a hustle. Yeah. And there's a hustle. Yeah. And there. And they're
like, well, there's new government regulation.
Because I walked up to the car
while he was doing it. We gotta get out of L.A.
Yeah, that park ranger. And I was like, what is going on?
You know, Spencer Pratt wouldn't let that happen. He would not.
Pratt would have had no machines in parking lots.
Hi, that's Nitt. Is that Ms. Raman herself?
Yeah. So what I'm saying is that, you know what?
This place is. How do we get out?
We got to move. This place sucks shit. Let's get the fuck out of here. You know what's so
fucking unfortunate? But you want to go to places I don't want to go. And I want to go to
places you don't want to go. Name a place that you want to go, that I don't want to go. Name a place.
Hawaii. Fine. I'll move to Hawaii. I would love to move to Hawaii. But guess what, buddy?
Way more expensive than here. What are you talking about? Taxes, who? Everything.
Everything. Where's the, the people say Nashville. No, that's just like a trend.
No, no. Dude, this is real. People say Nashville. It's awesome. Yeah. I could do it.
Yeah, my boy, Zach Townsend. Yeah. Shout out to it. Look it. I'm wearing his merch right now.
Yeah. Right? Yeah.
This is paid vacation.
He lives in Nashville.
Look, dude.
Curasawa.
Oh, good merch.
Yeah.
Yohimbo.
Do you know him?
Curasawa?
Yeah.
Distressed.
When he had Blackfoot.
Curasawa lives outside of Nashville.
Yeah.
He lives in Knoxville, actually, by University of Tennessee.
I saw a movie last night called Cracken.
You know what Cracken is?
Yeah.
Yeah.
The Cracken from the sea?
Yeah, the Sea Crockin.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, this is like one of those Godzilla Verses?
No, it was just, it's a Norwegian movie, I guess.
I'm out on that
Yeah
It's
We made the film
About the crack
Yeah that's basically
What it is
It's like I don't care
And it starts off good
But every decision
Everyone makes in that movie
Is like
What are you fucking doing
Norwegians do
Traditionally make pretty cool
weird shit
Yeah
Like you've seen clown
Right
Yeah great
We should remake clown
You and I should do clown
I don't even know why we don't do clown
Yeah let the right one in
Is that Norwegian
Oh yeah
Yeah yeah yeah
Great movie
but the cracket, it's like, it shot beautifully,
but I'm like, why would you do that?
It's bad ideas.
Bad ideas.
What we want to see is the cracken.
And we want to see a killing and eating people.
Yeah, yeah.
And throwing someone over the mountain.
You want to see a crack and throw a human being as far as you can.
And when they show the cricket, it's beautiful.
You know what I mean?
But it's like, oh, so it doesn't exist.
It's all fake.
Yeah.
I mean, Lachness, all these mythologies are just,
Perceptions.
No, this could exist, especially if we keep up with what we're doing.
Do you know about what's happening about the sewage from Tijuana flooding San Diego beaches?
Have you not seen this?
The Cracken may exist if Mexico keeps dumping their sewage.
San Diego beaches are like, you can't even swim in them now.
Billions of gallons of untreated sewage and industrial areas flow from Mexico down the river into
Southern California.
Wow.
They said 150 out of 200 days they couldn't swim in like Leo Carrillo, maybe that was it down there?
Right.
Isn't that Leo Correa down there?
Maybe this is my theory.
They're just throwing their poop up at us.
If you see a can, right, and it's floating down, open it.
Maybe there's a Mexican inside it.
Oh.
There are going through the sewage.
Look at that, though.
Yeah.
So Mexico's sending so much waste into the ocean.
You can't swim in San Diego right now.
It's poop beach.
It's literally poop beach.
Wow.
And there's no way, there's no net you could put up.
Here's the funniest part.
The news was like, Mexican government is working diligent.
That's it right there.
Mexican government is working
diligently on getting the waste out of the water.
However, they've incurred many problems.
They show a video of a big
poop pipe. It's leaking
and they're just staring at it. Yeah.
They're just looking at a poop pipe. Well, that's what you do
as a poop pipe when you first...
You got to take a look at it. You got to look first.
Oh, they're looking at it. And I look at them for about
12 to 24 hours, depending on...
Look, that's what it looks like from an air of you. That's all poop.
Yeah, there's the...
No, all that brown part is poop?
That's poop, dude.
Yeah, NASA can...
see it from space. Nassau can see the poop
from space in San Diego. Oh my god.
That's so much poop. And that's all the way up by the military
base. That's so much poop. You can't go in the water.
That's cool. In Hawaii, there's no poo water there.
No, people don't poop in Hawaii. They're too happy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just asaeoibals and stuff.
That's right, dude. Just fish.
Asai boh, mahi. Yeah.
We don't need to poop, brother.
Let's move to where are we going to move then?
You just said it. So Hawaii's out.
Nashville's one.
I think Nashville for me, I feel like, you know, an Asian dude.
I know, but look it up. Is there a Korean contingency in Nashville?
There's got to be.
If there isn't, I can't go.
We'll go there for you.
I'll move there. I don't care. You know I like Koreans.
Okay.
Yes. There is a visible and growing Korean population in Nashville in the surrounding Middle Tennessee region.
Right on, man.
How many people? How many people?
It can't be nine dudes.
If it's 38 or more, we're in.
No, it's going to be at least 5,000.
5,000.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
What?
2,500 to 2,700.
That's a lot.
That's all you need.
That's not what I need.
I need 1,000.
Can build a village.
Maybe if I go and maybe, I don't know.
You could influence a lot of careers.
Maybe I can influence it.
I can run the 2,700.
What is it?
Los Angeles metro area has, yeah.
Yeah, I mean, that's, you know.
You don't like many of them, though.
There's only half of those people.
Here's what I don't like.
And it had pertaining to you and your people.
Okay.
Okay.
What is it?
And it's going to sound childish when I say it.
It's going to sound, um, like I'm being racist.
Okay.
Toward the whites.
I mean, that's fair.
Okay.
I do it all the time to you.
Okay.
And I want to say this is when you're in a Korean spa.
Me?
Just in general.
White?
In general.
Okay.
Okay.
I counted.
I'm just to say I counted
close the steamroom door all the way
I mean I've never had an issue with that
okay I have an issue with it
I mean I was always closed the door behind
who's not closed the door you ran into one white
no no no I counted
and I was in the steam room
with five other white dudes
and one would leave I'd have to stand up
close it sit back down
and the four other dudes
because I stayed in there for like a half an hour
right?
For observation purposes only, right?
Is they all four purposely left it open.
And I had to get up and close it.
I thought you worked there.
No, no.
So you kept getting up to close the door.
No, no, no, it's sensible.
I thought you're on your lunch break.
No, no, to keep the steam inside the steam room.
I've never had a problem with it.
Yeah, I have a problem with that.
Well, whenever I go to the Russian spas in New York and the little gay ones,
the little gay undergrounds, we leave it wide open.
Okay.
That's fine.
In a Russian one, you can do that.
Right?
But is it racist for me to say that like to be...
Type about a race?
No, it's because it's a Korean spa, right?
Then don't let in whites.
I know, but you can't do that.
Yeah, you can.
You can make a private club and you can let in whoever you want.
Yeah, but they don't do that.
Well, why don't you go to...
Why don't you make a private Korean spa for Koreans?
Just close the door!
It's the whites only place in the Ozarks.
So you can do those.
You can do it.
Wait a minute, White's Only Spa?
No, it's a white.
We talked about this on the show.
Oh, the development.
Yeah, I know.
And they only let me buy like one or two property.
Yeah.
But my point is, is that a terrible thing?
No.
No.
It's not that big of a deal.
It's also.
I think you found a group of guys that were friends.
It's a problem every time I go to spa three or four times a week.
I count.
That's the problem.
I count too when I drive.
It's all bad Haitian drivers.
So it's all the same thing.
Interesting.
Interesting.
Let me defend that.
No, there's no defense for that.
Oh, yeah, there is a defense.
Oh, there is a defense.
Difference.
There is a difference.
There is no difference.
Okay, what I'm going to say is we've seen your cars.
Yeah, you've wrecked like six cars.
Yeah, we've already talked about this.
Yeah, but I'm saying you're not back at, you're not going to.
No.
We leave the door open in a steam room.
You hit people with a three-ton piece of machinery.
It's dangerous.
One of these things doesn't kill people.
Okay.
Can I may have my opportunity?
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slash bad friends.
Why does your picture come up when I type in bad-eat?
Bad Asian driver?
That's so funny.
Asian drivers, is it true?
Is that AI?
I don't know.
When you walk into the steam room and you open the door, does it go ping-dong at the Korean spot?
No, it makes no noise.
There's just a woman in the corner going, you break you by.
All right.
Let me defend Asian drivers.
I may, okay?
Try.
Is there's too...
China, dude, look at this.
I understand that, right?
He was in a hurry.
He was late for work.
He was late for work.
That'd be Japan.
Yeah, okay.
So here's my take on it, all right?
Yeah.
I feel like that every race has their bad drivers.
Because a lot of times...
Yeah.
I'm driving...
They all move here.
A lot of times...
All of the bad Asian drivers moved here.
That's why.
Asians kicked them out of their original country of origin.
Just because they couldn't drive?
Yeah, if you fail your driving test in China, they send you to the United States.
That's absolutely that. That's a good joke.
That's how the stereotype.
I don't know. Get out of here.
Eris Iron for you.
I can't defend. I can't defend it then.
It's impossible.
You're not allowing me to defend it.
Because you're thinking about what you might be.
I already know what I was going to say.
What is it?
Well, let me get it out.
All right.
No interruptions, please.
Fine, guys, no jokes.
All right.
No interruptions, please.
No comedy.
There's two points I want to make now.
All right. Now I have two points. Oh, it's growing. All right. Number one is I'm, I, what? I'm a driver where stop signs and stop lights are suggestion.
Sure. Right. So it's like late at night at three in the morning, if I'm at a stoplight and I look around, there's no one around, I just run right through it.
Like a bad driver. No, that's not a bad driver. I mean, sure. No, that's gangster. That's gangster. It's illegal. It is illegal.
And you're a bad driver. And I hope you hit a little kid on a bike who you don't see crossing.
one time when you fuck around and find out.
Oh, that's a terrible thing to wish on me.
Stop running through lights.
At three in the morning.
A kid could be out there.
A teenager in summer.
It's summer.
He could be riding his bike around the neighborhood.
Yeah, I have lights that come out called headlights.
Well, now you have your glasses.
You can see.
Glasses have headlights, okay?
And also, I don't care about scratches and dings.
Your Prius looked like it was shipped back here from Iran.
Yeah.
It looked like it spent a term.
I've already made this fucking, like in Thailand, right?
Or you go to any place in Asia, right?
They get in a collision.
They'll roll down the window and they'll go, we okay.
You okay?
I'm okay.
And they drive on.
There's no insurance.
You know what I mean?
Exchange.
It's not supposed to happen.
You hit people all the time in an Asian country.
It seems there's a correlation between the-
No, no, no.
It's that we don't care about dang, scratches.
But you're also referencing a place where the cars are valued at probably like two donkeys.
and a, you know, in a handshake.
And an egg.
Don't forget the egg.
Two don'tkeys and an egg.
So I'm saying here,
our vehicles are more expensive.
In China, they do it too.
Yeah, too many fucking people.
It's like, oh, let me move on,
let me move on, you know what I mean?
That's how I am, okay?
If I get a ding, let me ban,
but no, you do a slight little bumper tap, right?
Pull over.
Pull over.
Right?
I mean, exchange, cops, guys.
What the fuck are we doing here?
It's insane.
Make up your own Korean only.
All right, so that's number one.
What was number one?
That was number two.
Can I just summarize it?
Oh, number two is this, right?
There's two types of drivers, okay?
Asian drivers and everyone else.
No, no, no, no.
I've driven behind Armenians and they drive white people.
Remember the bumper sticker I said the other day?
If you get too close, I slow down.
Yeah.
It was a white person.
That's funny.
Yeah, I know it's funny, but she really means it.
For you to put that in on your car.
That's different.
It's a she.
Yeah.
They're all that.
So what?
I don't know what you're doing.
All right.
So what I'm saying is, is that, you know, there's a lot of, but then you look at fucking
Tokyo drift, Fast and Furious.
Sung Kang, they can all drive.
Yeah, but here's the exception.
No, no, no, except to the rules, right?
Some of us are.
The one guy that was an F1 Yuki Sanota, he got, he's gone.
Yeah, I know.
He couldn't keep up.
Yeah, he can give up.
No, he didn't.
Obviously, he didn't.
He's gone.
He's no Verstappen.
Okay
I'm telling you dog
You guys are the worst
I don't know what it is
It's in your genetic code
It's not even like a
Are we good at math
Huh?
Have we got at math?
Yes
Some stereotypes are good
Some are not good
We're better at school
You're better at school
Yeah
How about engineering?
It's just a room engineering
You guys are great
Oh then I can take bad driving
Yeah it's the worst
Yeah you can build the car
Just don't drive it
Yeah
You can build the car
Just don't drive it
Very good
That's a very good
Yeah
Okay good
The AI says I
have confirmation bias.
Confirmation bias, yeah.
What does that mean?
Yeah, it's a, people hold a preconceived stereotype, selectively remember.
It's preconceived, okay?
Hmm.
Yeah.
You have confirmation bias.
Okay.
I've been another thing that I want to say, all right?
And I'm not defending anything, myself included, right?
But I'm a master of the male naked body.
Yeah.
Okay.
I mean, you're one of them, yeah.
Yeah, and I go to the spa all the time.
Sure.
I'm going to go to one tonight.
Okay.
Okay.
And in the spas I go, there's every race,
and I've seen every penis size.
Yeah.
Right?
And the stereotype, I saw one Asian dude with a button penis.
Okay.
It was so small.
It was like this.
I wanted to murder him.
Because he's the guy.
Confirmation bias.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, confirmation bias.
He's the guy that we all have the stereotype.
Some white dudes saw that dude.
You mean, in Pearl Harbor.
barber or whatever and spread that rumor.
Sure.
Yeah, I mean, it was like American propaganda or whatever.
It worked.
Yeah, it did work, right?
We all heard about it.
Yeah, yeah.
And so...
It was that and Marilyn Manson removed a rib to suck his own penis.
The same kind of rumor.
Yeah, yeah, same kind of rumor.
And they worked.
So what I'm saying is that...
But I've seen a lot of Asian dudes that are carrying a heavy load.
Sure.
I have.
I would say there's probably a few guys out there doing okay.
I know.
I would say I compare to...
Now, the blacks, for sure.
Yeah, they're pretty good.
No, they're the best.
I've seen them.
Yeah.
Can we talk about this even?
Yeah.
What we're saying?
Yeah.
Is this confirmation bias or no?
Yeah, it's not confirmation bias.
It's reality.
Right?
Imagine being a black guy with a small penis.
So sad.
Yeah.
That's got to be sad.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because being an Asian guy with a small penis, big deal, make a joke about it.
Make a career of it.
Well, you, yeah.
Being a white guy with a small penis, big deal.
Go get money and you'll be fine.
Yeah.
Being a black guy with a small penis,
all your other black friends are going to go,
damn, dog.
Yeah, what happened?
That's a bummer.
Yeah.
That's just that you just got to be.
But I'll tell you this.
So I used to belong to some porn sites for my masturbation activity.
I don't do it anymore.
We would assume, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, we'd never thought you were.
Yeah, researching.
Yeah, and there's one that I had saved with a black dwarf that's in the porn.
And his penis was triple the size of any other penis I've ever seen.
That's so funny.
Yeah.
So it's like even the dwarves have big ones.
Hey, God was on something.
He built him.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He built him different.
He built him different.
Yeah.
He goes,
What if I just make his penis huge?
Yeah.
Don't do that.
Don't, you're not going to be able to play basketball.
Yeah.
You're still not going to be able to swim.
Big BDLP.
Yeah.
The BDLP.
Oh.
There's an LP love show.
now. Bring this up. There's like a new kind of reality little person love show and I'm so excited
to watch it. Little person. Is that TLC? It's got to be TLC. Little, oh wait. Oh, what's it called?
Little singles. Little singles. Yeah, little singles. Little singles. Little single. Wow.
Oh. Yeah. You know craft cheese? You know they're called singles, right? The single slices.
Yeah. I like that. Two more. It's a gang. How is there only five of them on a dating show? Oh,
more.
Mm.
No, that's only those five.
Those are the main five.
I think they're all like friends.
I have no idea.
That's 80% of the population.
I mean, how only five?
Well, because they all have to fit up in that tree.
No, but I think they're looking for the best looking.
They're making cookies?
Are they making cookies?
Yeah, where's the chocolate?
Yeah.
Stop it.
Yeah.
Look at it.
She's never gone to a grocery store.
Yeah, that's too high.
Do they give them full apples when they get on those couches?
Give me a full apple.
Can't do half apples.
Well, she's never been to a grocery store?
She had anxiety about being in an elbow.
Well, dude, imagine those shelves are so big.
Yeah.
I can't even read.
I was going to say, he can't hit the top.
Yeah, I can't hit the top.
I have to ask.
My girlfriend's 5'10, so I go.
She can do it.
I go get that.
That's so funny.
Yeah, I don't care.
I do want to watch this.
So it's on Netflix?
What is this on?
Yeah.
TLC.
Little singles.
Man, TLC keeps making bangers, huh?
Yeah.
Pool looks nice, yeah.
Just cup in the water.
When is sex on the spectrum going to happen?
You just want to watch it?
Don't you want to watch it?
No.
You don't want to watch it?
No, but I'm teeing up your joke in my mind.
Yeah.
I can hear it in my head.
Like I can literally hear the joke.
Yeah.
Great joke.
Okay.
Can't say it, I guess.
Well, it's in the special.
It's in the special, yeah.
Right?
Yeah.
So good.
Yeah.
Well, the World Cup's going on, and I'm so sorry.
Do you think USA?
You are a diehard football fan.
Do you think USA has even a shot?
I'll tell you who's not going to win.
Who?
Brazil.
They look terrible.
Okay, good.
Spain is the best chance.
Their midfield is so old, I can't even believe it.
Okay, dude, we are plus 3,300 right now?
Yeah.
That's a great bet.
I just put 10 bucks on that.
You would?
Yeah.
There's no way it's going to happen.
happen. Yeah. I mean, because I know, I know football and I know France's team and I know England's
team. I know Portugal's team. They're just, it's like LeBron James. What? We're the longest of the long shots.
What? We're the longest of the long shots. They just have their bench, their bench is a World Cup team.
Sure. You know, so it's like, um, again, I know nothing about. Yeah. I mean, I mean, France has
Mbapap. I mean, they have, you know, Dembele. They've got really good play.
Is Mugamtu on that team?
Mugut too is on the bench, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Mbapé is French?
Yeah.
Where's he from?
France.
Which one?
The one in Ghana.
Yeah, that sounds right.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, even Balagan from the US team was just born in Brooklyn, but never lived here.
Yeah, he moved in England?
Yeah, he to London.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yes.
And then it's where you're born is what you can do or your parents.
Well, he has dual citizenship, but he was.
he wasn't going to get on the England squad.
That's bad news.
Which is cool.
Fuck it.
I'll just play for America then.
Yeah, I would do the same shit.
Yeah.
It's like what Eileen Goo, remember?
She rode for China, even though she could have rode for us.
Yeah.
And I'm rooting for him because he was at the Arsenal Academy.
Oh.
And they let him go.
He wasn't good enough.
No, they sometimes they...
Hey, it's not good enough to be a gooner.
And that's just how it goes.
No, but I'm...
But listen, Eze.
Eberreche Eze was in the Arsenal.
Academy, got let go, played for shitty teams,
finally got on Crystal Palace,
and then Arsenal made him offer when he was 27 years old.
Wow.
So Balagan can come home.
Belegan can come home.
That'll be a song they sing.
Yeah, Belligan can't come home.
Balagin can come home.
Yeah.
I love those songs.
The fact that we haven't adopted that,
even a little bit in the States,
and any of our sports blows my mind.
We still got the fucking wave.
We still got the fucking wave.
Every time I go to a Dodger game and they start it,
I go like this.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No!
Yeah, yeah.
Or the hand, the gigantic hand.
Cut it out.
I have 15 of those at home.
Stop it.
Yeah, yeah.
Do you know where the wave started, by the way, though?
California.
Why?
Should have.
Wouldn't you think it would start here?
Started up north.
The beach boys?
Wouldn't it be nice to start a wave?
The wave started up in San Panan,
and sea school.
Wow.
What if...
Oh, Oakland, sorry.
Okay, what if somebody started it,
and they're like, what the fuck are you doing?
It's a guy with Tourettez?
And no one does it?
And they're like, what the fuck are you doing?
I'm sure something.
Like who's, how do you do it?
That's him right there.
Crazy George.
You have to have a group of people know what you're doing.
Dude, he's so loud.
He yelled so loud.
They said you could hear him at home plate from the outfield.
He would scream so loud.
He was the man.
Yeah.
And that spirit of Oakland will be dead now because now they're in Vegas.
Oh, dude.
I'm also tired of USA chanting.
You like it?
Love.
Sometimes when I'm hooking up with my wife.
if I go USA, USA.
Yeah.
Something about it.
I'm patriotic.
She salutes me.
Yeah, yeah.
I know.
I'm patriotic.
I'll be pounding away and she's
she plays the...
But especially in the...
Taps.
plays taps for me?
Especially when they're in the...
Taping at ass.
Especially when they're in the Olympics
and you're like yelling USA and then you're sitting next to like a country that isn't, you know what I mean,
a first rule country
right? And it's just like
if I'm like
in front of my house and a homeless
guy walks by and me go
I own a home! I own a home!
It feels like bragging. Wouldn't that feel good to do?
It just feels like bragging.
Yeah. Well, if you had any context
to all the wars that we've been through and what we've
I have the contact. To fight to be this place,
we're going to yell it in your face. It's the best country in the world.
We're going to yell it in your face. And especially because all these other
countries go,
Okay. Then why are you both here? Huh? Why are you here? Go home. Get out of here if you don't like it. You like it? Oh, dude. I don't like it. I like it. Best country of the world. I don't like to. This new...
U.S.A. USA! Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love it, dude. What does Korea say? USA is even during a Korean man. It's crazy. No, I don't know what they say, but...
De Han Minguk.
Da, De Han.
South Korea, unofficial universe you recognize
national chat.
And clap, clap, clap, clap.
We all do that.
Crap, crap, crap, crap.
Oh, it's.
No, that's actually cool.
I like that.
Let's do it three times in a row.
You're right.
I get it.
I totally get it.
I like it.
Day Han mean.
Big fans of Korea over here.
I'm going to do mine.
What is it?
Clap once.
All right.
I want a great mind.
Yeah.
All right.
Clap once.
go ooh right clap three times a thumbs up and another ooh here we go wait write it down write it down
because i forgot what i said clap ooh clap clap clap clap ooh no thumbs up ooh yeah so i even forgot
clap o clap clap clap o thumbs up but clap o clap o with a with a thumbs up okay zoom in please
Oh, clap, clap, clap, clasp, thumbs up, ooh.
Ready?
Here we go.
Ready, one, two, three.
Ooh.
No, see your rhythms off.
No, I, I, you're too fast.
You're too fast.
You were above me.
Ready?
One, two, three.
Clap.
Ooh.
Oh, I did clap.
I just read it.
I just read it.
Sorry.
This is how auditions go.
This is my audition.
That's why we can't work in the business.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ready?
One, two, three.
Ooh.
Oh.
No.
Thumbs up ooh.
I thought it's just simultaneous.
No, no, no, no.
You thumbs up and then ooh.
Okay, here we go.
Right, right.
One, two, three.
Ooh.
Ooh.
Thank you for being a bad friend.
