Bad Friends - New Episode of Bad Friends Today on Patreon

Episode Date: April 24, 2026

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Oh my God, it's so weird to be back in the studio and hearing. How you doing? How you doing? How you doing? Tony bag of donuts. You're Tony? Yeah. Bag of donuts?

I'm Tony Bag of Donuts. I'm Jimmy Smalleyes. Tony Bagged Donuts. How you doing from Brooklyn? I know somebody. What are we doing here? I know somebody who knows somebody who makes it so you don't know nobody. Yeah, you know what?

You do? Oh. Whoa. Oh. You look like my cousin, Aisha. Tony. Tony? Tony.

Is that your name? My name's Tony. Your name is Tony. I'm Jimmy. How you doing? Tony. Yeah, yeah. I'm from Brooklyn.

Where you from? New York. New York. How you doing? New York. All you know, york is out there, how you doing? And to get more comedy like this. Yeah.

Go to our Patreon. Please go. We're in a war! We're in a war. We're in a war. I'll say this to the fans. I want to thank all the fans that have bought tickets so far to the May 8th Netflix is a joke festival. All 12 of you.

And let me say this. It's undersold. It's undersold, yeah. Let's bring it up. Let's hurt our ego. Yeah, let's hurt it. Let's hurt it. I think it's under 40%.

It's under 40% really? I think so. Is the blue good? Blue's bad. Blue is bad. Blue is all the people that have not bought tickets. So when is this? It's in a month.

Well, we'll pump it. I hope so because it's bad. Back in Brooklyn, we used to bump it. Hey, guys, we're going to start pumping it. You're going to pump it back in Brooklyn. We used to bump it. God, look at that. That's bad.

Well, we're competing against so many people. Who else is, Google, who else is performing for Netflix as a joke on May 8th? It says, John Mullaney, Jellyroll and Andrew Salt of the Greek. We are at the YouTube Theater. Matt Rife is at the Hollywood Bowl. Stamptown, our boy, Zach Zucker, Ronnie Hayes-Hassan Monage, and Ronnie Chang at the Dolby Theater.

Yeah, I mean, it... You guys are like the 10th most famous. Dude. First of all, we're fourth on a list. We are fourth on the list. So it goes Malaney, Schultz, and Jelly Roll. Yeah. And then us, we're third.

We're third. You guys are... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I meant. No, that's not what you meant. No, I meant. What you meant is that you want to get fired. That's what you meant.

And by the way, we're above men. Matt Rife at the Hollywood Bowl, which is way bigger, and I bet he sold it out. You already sold it out. You already sold the Hollywood Bowl. I wouldn't apologize just real quick, if I may. I also was a... Oh, what? I want to apologize to you. To me?

If I may. Yeah, please. What happened? Today, I was doing what I described as Netherworld farts. Honestly, yeah, it was like ball, the demon. Did you smell a macaone? Yeah. You walked away one time. It bothered me.

It was crazy. It was crazy. One of those farts that lingered. I'll tell you this right now from Brooklyn. They lingered. And my point is, is this. I felt so bad. And I kept apologizing.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. My fear was that if the guests smell that? Yeah. Yeah. And you know what happened? Huh. I.

You held it in? I closed the straight of our moose. You know what I closed it. I'm charging a toll. Okay. I'll tell you something. There won't be any guests coming out of there for a long time. Let me tell you right now, the Aryan regime.

Closed off the straight. Yeah, yeah, we control the strength of Harmuz. And you really do control it. Yeah, we do control. So I close it off like the Strait of Hormuz, and the only thing that's getting in it is a little fertilizer and some helium. Yeah, maybe a little oil. But my point is, is that.

Those are the things that are being, you know what I mean? Yeah, the guys... 20, 30% of helium comes from that area. Oh, yeah. know. Hell yeah. You mean, what do we make out of helium? Chips, computer chips. Balloons. Well, for, yeah. Balloons for birthday parties. Yeah. You got to have helium for balloons. I understand that. And for Whippet tanks at jam shows. I understand that, but the-

I love Whippets, dude. I know you do. It's so fun. They're fun. But anyway, so the chips are very important. And then fertilizer, like 20-30 percent of the fertilizer goes through there. Well, we just start pooping outside. Start growing your own crops. in your own yard. Yeah, so, you know. If you poop in your... That's how I'm going to make my potatoes. Yeah.

Yeah.