Bad Friends - No Mami, Yes Papi, Fancy B Day

Episode Date: April 14, 2025

Get MORE Bad Friends at our Patreon!! https://www.patreon.com/badfriends Thank you to our Sponsors: Rocket Money, Shopify, BLUECHEW, Draft Kings • Rocket Money: Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to http://www.RocketMoney.com/BADFRIENDS today. • Shopify: Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at https://www.shopify.com/badfriends • Draft Kings: https://sportsbook.draftkings.com Bet the unexpected with DraftKings Sportsbook! Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app and use code BADFRIENDS*. YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com 0:00 Feliz Compleaños 5:00 Bobby Piñata 10:00 Bailing On St. Patrick's Day Show 19:00 Shine Gillis & Animated Movie 24:00 Sober Bobby Saves Lives 30:00 Fancy's B-Day Present 36:00 Meeting Bon Joon Ho 40:00 Terrible at Online Dating 48:00 Bobby Lee's Comedy Special 53:00 Chevy Chase at Dr. Phil Live 58:00 The Doomsday Clock 1:02:00 Buying Our Signatures More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbylee.live More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Juicy Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jetskijohnson/?hl=en More Fancy SOS VHS: https://www.youtube.com/@SosvHs Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fancyb.1 More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ *Gambling problem? Call 1-800-Gambler. In New York, call 877-8HOPENY or text HOPENY (467369). In Connecticut, Help is available for problem gambling. Call tel:[phone] or visit ccpg dot org. Please play responsibly. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino & Resort (Kansas). Twenty-one plus age and eligibility varies by jurisdiction. Void in New Hampshire, Oregon, Ontario. Bonus bets expire one hundred sixty eight hours after issuance. For additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see http://DKNG.co/BBALL. Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: 7EQUIS https://www.7equis.com/ Podcast Producer: Andrés Rosende This episode contains paid promotion. #bobbylee #andrewsantino #badfriends #sponsored #ads Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello, Mike! Hello there, Mike. We're going over to Ponnet, go get beans on toast, and then going to Ireland. Beautiful, beautiful Ireland. So where are we going first? We're going to go to London, England. July 18th, guys. Okay, July 18th. Ovo Arena, when will I? We'll be in London, England on July 18th.

Dublin, Ireland. Then we're going to Dublin, Ireland. July 19th. We're at the three arena the three arena. Oh, yeah. Well, that's a good impression Thank you. Give me a good Irish impression. Yeah No, that's so good That's so good a pint of Guinness point a gala that's perfect Dublin Ireland we're coming to see you July 19th at the 3 Arena. Tickets available at badfriendspod.com.

London, England. Tickets available July 18th at badfriendspod.com. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. You two are disgusting We're bad friends

Is it your birthday? Happy birthday to you! I just got that. I'm like who could? Oh happy! How old are you now? How long do porgs live? They live a long life. Not when they're being eaten by Chewbacca. I'm trying to stay away from Chewbacca. Do you remember that scene where you grill the porg?

Yes. What silly game is this? Oh, it's the Mexican Venus Fly Trap. I gotta catch it like this? Yeah, it's a Mexican game. Ow! Mexican games hurt. Well, I could do it first try, I think.

You think so? No. Oh, dude, you actually hurt your hand. All right. Let's start from the top. I don't like the way it started. Let's sing the song again. Put the lyrics up. Feliz start from the top. I don't like the way it started. Let's sing the song again. Put the lyrics up.

Feliz Coplianos IT. Feliz Coplianos IT. Feliz Coplianos. Quero a E. Andreas. Feliz Coplianos. It's not hard. It's the same words over and over.

How did you mess that up? Because they said name. In Spain it's, copliano feliz, copliano feliz. Can I have it all solo? I want acapella. I think that's my problem. Do Spain. I'll go fast. No, I want the first chunk again. No? No, it's in Spain. We're doing, he's Spanish. Oh, okay. So, copliano feliz, copliano Spanish oh okay so cumpleaños filis cumpleaños filis te dicemos andreas cumpleaños filis after five years yeah i'm gonna go and then watch it's andres well i have another sound effect you know what that is a long lawnmower no leaf blower You know what that is? Lawn mower.

No, leaf blower. Oh. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, happy birthday. How old are you now? 45. 45?

Are you really? God, imagine being 45 as a director and not directed anything. I mean, is there a, I mean, what, I've never seen, wow. There's no exception. There's no exception. Be nice to the guy. It's his birthday today. Happy birthday, I mean, you know what,

can I say something, you do the best YouTube videos. Thank you. Really, when I see his YouTube, I go, oh my God, this should be a criterion. Top notch. Yeah, top notch. Without YouTube, you're not even famous in the last 10 years, Bobby.

Whoa, shots fired. Shots fired. Can I say something, I came in smiling in a good mood. Shots fired. Can I say something? I came in smiling in a good mood. Something like that. Where did that come from? You attacked Andreas on his birthday. You did, on his birthday.

Okay, all right, fine, all right. But can I ask you guys, Andrew, can I ask you a question? Please. Name me one movie. Just let's be factual here. Yeah. Name me one movie. Just let's be factual here. Yeah. Name me one movie that Andreas has directed.

What is IMDB? There's actually a lot on there. Yeah, I'm pretty sure. Let me look. Andres Rosendi, IMDB. IMDB. Although you have one. I am the best.

Wait, wait, zoom in. Wait, I wanna read his, I wanna read his line. Yeah, I wanna read it, read it. Zoom in. Andres is an to read it, read it. Zuman. Andres is an LA based writer-director from España. He received a BA in Film Studies from Universidad Complutense of Madrid and an MFA from Columbia University.

His films have played at festivals all around the globe including Cannes, Stygius, Cleveland, South by South, Cleveland? I want to line, I want to line. Go. No, you finish South, Cleveland? I wanna line, I wanna line. Go. No, you finish it, then let's... Cleveland, South by Southwest, Pantasia, The Pryors Club, and El Lacma Young Director's Night.

Andres, Andres has received many awards, including DJ for Best Latin, short for Escape, to more than 35 Mr. Bear, and the Fantastic Fest, Mercado Fantístico Gold Award for the best future in development for the turned. Wow.

What does he directed? Here we go. Known for. Known for, let's go known for. Bad Friends, first thing up there. Go look at producer, Bad Friends. Bad Friends. American Carnage, oh yeah, that's right, you produced that.

You produced that, oh good. Jane Anonymous, The Devil Below, Bad Friends, Chain of Death. Chain of Death. Oh, Puppet Cop was great. Puppet Cop was so underrated. You're under arrest. I know. I know. Exactly. What am I being pulled over, sir? Well, you're black. That's it. All right. Puppet Cop. Puppet Cop was great. great underrated green plastic sandals

I'm the red you thought that red plastic sandals Green wait till you see green. Oh wait till you can see green plastic sandals right and blow your mind Mr. Bear which is actually the original of the show the bear on FX, right? This is just the Spanish version. Mr. Bear I thought it was a prequel for to This is just the Spanish version. Mr. Bear. I thought it was a prequel to Cocaine Bearer. Oh yeah, Mr. Bear. He had a job before he did Coke. Before Cocaine Bear did Coke, he had a job, he had a family. Escape. And the Oscar nominated Escape.

Escape. Don't forget about Snapshots. Oh, how can you forget about Snapshots? That's how he did it. Thank you guys. Yeah, so very good. Andres, do you want to say anything to defend yourself on your birthday? Happy is to the birthdays. Thank you guys.

Were we able to get you any gifts? Your presence is a gift. Give me. McCone's got some gifts that we'd like to give you for your birthday. Okay. You mean the world to us. Your work here is undeniable, irrefutable and irreplaceable. You are that good to us. You mean the world and I mean

it. Bobby and I wouldn't be where we are without you. I have some words to say too. Your work is stupid. And your first gift is there. A pinata. And look at your second gift. A pinata shaped like shaped like what let me look at the face can i sit the face shape like it's you this is the greatest gift i ever got all right actually pretty great i'm quite excited about this thank you yes Yes. I love you. Get to close your eyes! Get to close your eyes, bitch! Alright, stop for a second. Stop for a second.

Can I use the stick? I want to do an impression. Can I do an impression? The best part is he hasn't even dented it. It's not even dented. It's not even dented. It's not even dented. It's not even dented. Alright stop for a second, stop for a second. Can I use the stick? I want to do an impression. Can I do an impression?

The best part is he hasn't even dented it. It hasn't even broke a little bit. This is what, guess what impression I'm doing, okay? It was a mistake! A Lillie Everett. The baton. Oh very good. Very good.

Alright, let him finish. Oh wait, wait, I want to talk about it. Let him finish. Go ahead, very good. Very good. Alright, let him finish. Let him finish. Go ahead, Fancy. Play the music and let him finish. Go fund me for fucking Alela Everett. Close your eyes! Nice!

Yes! More! Yeah, yeah. More. Oh, there, there. Yay. Very good, Carlos. That's the kind of production that we have on this show. The candy couldn't even go inside of it. But I am doing a GoFundMe on Alela Everett.

You broke the vent. It was so strong. I have something serious to say. Jesus Christ, the vent is so strong. I'm going to go to the bathroom. But I am doing a GoFundMe on Alayla Everett. You broke the vent, it was so strong. I have something serious to say. Jesus Christ, the vent is broken. Wow.

Okay, Bob, put the guest up there. Put Broken Bobby up there, please. Very good. There's Broken Bobby. By the way, they got the eyes right. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Fancy, tell me, how did that feel? Did that feel good?

It felt so good. That felt like you- Best birthday in the last 10 years. Cathartic, right? Yes. You got something off your chest. Yes. Dude, I've never had Mexican gum before.

You can't even chew through it. Ha ha ha ha ha. It's like a fucking, what? It's made out of the bottom of a chew. You wanna chew my chew? It's like a Jolly Roger, I can't chew it. Well here, how about this? Let's settle some beef the other way.

I'm gonna call somebody. I want my pinata. I want my Andreas pinata. Do you have an Andreas pinata, dude? I'll show you what I do. Yours. Okay, do you have an Andreas Pena, dude? Not on me. I'll show you what I do.

Dude. Finger. Well, let me see if I can get ahold of somebody here. Hello? Fitz. What's up, buddy? Hey, Greg Fitzsimmons here on the Bad Friends podcast. Greg, I'm sitting next to Bobby Lee.

Bobby is, uh, Bobby wants to talk to you about something. Do you have anything you want to explain? You talk, you called me today and I told him you were awful hurt about something. I didn't get the full story. What really happened? No, not hurt at all. I was, uh, touched, honored that Bobby would agree to come on and you know, I do my, my St. Patrick's day show every year. Famous show every year. Greg Fitzsimmons does an incredible, uh, St. Patty's Day show every year. Famous show every year. Greg Fitzsimmons does an incredible St. Patty's Day show.

They have Irish soda bread. They have traditional song. Live music. Live music. It's a party. It's beyond a comedy show. It's a party. It really is.

And I was so happy to promote it. I went on K-Rock. I went on KTLA. I went on Good Day LA. Ooh, K-Rock. Bobby was nice enough to lend his name to the show and we got a good crowd and unfortunately, I don't know what happened.

I'll tell you what happened. I was missing at the end of the show. Can I tell you what happened? Yeah, let's hear it. First of all, I apologize. Did you hear that? Of course. Okay, so secondly, did you get my money? Somebody gave me $200. Did you hear that? Of course.

Okay, so secondly, did you get my money? Somebody gave me $200. Exactly. I gave it to the bus boy. For what? For the charity, right? I gave it to the bus boy. Yeah, yeah.

And can I say something? What does that buy? A couple of books. A couple of books, a couple of like, you know, where you fill out the grades. I don't know how school works, but like a couple of things. Pencils. Yeah. Yeah. And also um... What are you talking about? Where do you think the money was going?

What's the benefit for? It was benefit for the comedians. I was paying you a bunch of money. You were getting money to perform. There was no benefit. It was a benefit for a school? There was no benefit for a school. The way you walk in and see little kids on stage playing the guitar Little kids what was on stage playing it was like Mary Paul and Mary. I know what does it call?

Mary Paul and Mary Yeah, there's two Marys in that band Well, what was there not singing there? Did that throw your comedy off that much? You couldn't perform because there was a musical act on? But it's just not that. I looked at the back row, there was a lot of bunch of older ladies there and there's like musical things going on.

I turned to Tim Dillon and I go, you know, I'm just going to give $200 for the charity and I'm going to bail. So wait a minute. You showed up to the venue, didn't even perform. You bailed because of the crowd and because of the- No, he's supposed to headline the show and he just decided not to. Wow. But you came all the way there.

But did I not go? That's good. Like going is good. Going is good. So what is it? Have you not worked out that 15 minutes of material? Oh, here we go. This is how we're going to do it. Are we going to do this?

I'm wondering how many more times you need to do that 15 minutes before you know it's going to work. I'm going to let you have this. Give me another one. Another one. A slam, another slam. Give me another one. Another what? A slam, another slam. No, Bobby, look, you are doing so well with what you've been dealt genetically,

mentally, emotionally. I know that you are molested by an intellectually disabled person. I know that you've got a mustache that just won't fucking stand up and grow. There's a lot of things you're struggling with. So when you bail out on a show like that, It just won't fucking stand up and grow So when you bail out on a show like that, yeah I don't think so. I don't I don't think so. Okay now Fitz just for clarity Was his name promoted on the show as he was very much. Wow

Yeah Anything anything for the people that are listening that could have gone to that show? Number one, I'm sorry. I bought some books for a cherry that doesn't exist. Okay. But you did grab the $200 put in your pocket. That's good. I gave it to the busboy. He gave it to the busboy. Good. Yes. And that bus was gonna get corn. They love they love the corn right they like Mexican how do you both jump to that immediately was he was an American young

man how would I want to find it Trump define it if you saw him would be a plane to go to. I'd call him Max again. Yeah, okay. So he got, you know. He's selling El Paso. Now look, Tim Dillon was there, thank God. He was not supposed to be there and he just stopped by as a friend to support the show and luckily he went on so he was able to close it out. You know it's so funny that you do this

because I saw his name on the list his name is not on the list oh yeah you're right I think you're right well thank Tim Dillon and I'm sorry I mean Fitz is one of our oldest friends I know but he's one of our most loyal I had a gig at the ice house there were you not running behind? We were not running behind We were absolutely because there was a show on after us and so we had to promise them we would be done An hour and a half into the after the show started which I just made a bunch of assumptions, and I'm so sorry I Thought it was a charity for kids. I love you. Okay. I love you, I respect you, and I appreciate you agreeing to do it even though you didn't,

but you agreed to. And that's the thing that means the most. The commitment, not the follow through. Yeah. But the verbal commitment does mean a lot. I just got a bad vibe from the room. You got a bad vibe from a full packed house, a sold out room? Yeah, but there were people on stage singing folk music and they all said that this was the best crowd they've seen

in a year everybody destroyed everybody but can i because it was a party it was a fucking party it wasn't just the show was beyond that okay i'm gonna throw somebody on the bus go ahead okay oh and here we go greg okay yeah i'm not mentioning annie or tim right but somebody throw somebody on the bus. Go ahead. Okay. Oh. And here we go, Greg, okay? Yeah. I'm not mentioning Annie or Tim, right? But somebody that was on the show said this. The reason why they laughed so hard is because the music was weird.

Who said it? I can't tell you. You literally just said I'm gonna throw someone under the bus. I know. So then do it. I can't. Give me the initials of the comic that said that.

TW. the bus. I know. So then do it. I can't. Give me the initials of the comic that said that. Um, T W. Who was it, Greg? T W. Tom Wilson. Taylor Williamson. Taylor Williamson. He wasn't on it. Who was on the show? All right. Good to see Greg. Greg, Greg, Greg. Eric Griffin. Eric Griffin was on the show. He said it. He destroyed. He texted me the next day saying, put me, put me on that show every year. And I said, well, there's probably space next year because Bobby has already committed. So that's an opening right here.

Eric Griffin, black Irish. Who else was on it? Tim and Annie. Saul Trejillo. He's great. Okay. Dude, that guy, he's a guy to watch. He's a star. He really is a star. He He's great. He's a star. He really is a star.

Saul Trejillo is great. All right, well then say sorry one more time to our good friend Greg. I'm so sorry Greg. I love you. You can always be on one of my shows. You can always be on the poster for one of my shows. I'll say it in Korean. I'll say it in Korean. Okay, here we go. I'll say it in Korean. Chingu, na, yeah. You know what chingu means? Yeah. What does it mean?

We all know what chingu means. What does chingu mean? You said it enough on this show. What does it mean? Friend. It's a coin you use in a Korean spa. Yeah. It's, chingu means friend.

Chingu, na, apologize-er. Oh, very good. My friend, I- I don't know, apology. All right, well, we love you, Greg. I'll try to fix him, man. Okay, I love you guys. Work on it, he's a work in progress.

Keep working on him, Andrew. I will, bye buddy. All right, bye. Why, why? One of the greatest comics alive. I know. One of the greatest, most talented, because you disrespect a legend, that's trouble.

That guy's a fucking legend. Greg Fitzsimmons is a legend. Now you disrespect somebody else, that's on your terms. We disrespect one of our oldest friends. Okay. Tough, tough move. He called me, he said I was really bummed. I was having a cup of coffee, he goes,

I gotta be honest with you, I was pretty bummed at your boy. I said, what happened? And he told me the truth. Well, let me tell you something, and I can't even believe you're doing this, because I was pretty bummed at your boy. I said, what happened? And he told me the truth. Well, let me tell you something. And I can't even believe you're doing this because I'm gonna say this. Go ahead.

When I was molested by the guy without, he was in a folk band. Are you being serious? Yeah. What did he play? Other than your balls. And I saw him perform. On you?

No, afterwards, after the show. So when I walked in the- That's why you got with him. You saw him, you were like this rock star. I got it. He was very good. He was very good. So folk music has a tie. Yeah. And I had a PTSD reaction to the show and I had to leave. Okay.

And I gave him $200. You had an MSG reaction? What did you say? I can't believe you did that. No, I didn't do it. Fitz called me today. He was actually- You think it's forever dead? With Fitz?

Yeah. You're fine. The Shane thing, you're cooked. I mean that. I know, I've heard that. I mean that with every sense of my being. I've heard that through the- You're in deep shit.

Yeah. And I mean deep shit. A war. Oh, dude. It's beyond a war. Yeah, dude. And I'll lose. What did I say to you?

On the show I said, don't do this. Don't go after Shane. This is a bad a war. Yeah, dude. And I'll lose. What did I say to you? On the show I said, don't do this. Don't go after Shane. This is a bad idea. I know, but his- I said it like five times. Okay. Well, I'll say this.

I love you. You're my best friend. You're my dog. I'm not going to walk into that with you, bud. So when we were doing the animation today, we did a little work. We did- You gave me a lot of notes. I liked it. We gave, okay. Go ahead and say it. Say the truth.

Yeah. Did it bother you? It didn't bother me. We did our first session today in the animated movie that we're going to be in. Yeah. And he gave me some notes. Andrew did? Some line readings. Yeah. A lot.

That's good. A lot. Every other line. Every other line. Why do you guys think that is? Andrew's a good actor. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Spaghetti-O. I gave him readings because I wanted to get him in the mood. And by the way, Why do you guys think that is? Andrew's a good actor. Oh, oh, spaghetti. Oh, I gave him readings because I wanted to get him in the mood.

And by the way, he will agree when I said stuff to him, not line readings, when I said stuff like Bob, get jumpy like you do and you did. And then do you kill it? This is what he made me do. He goes, you're a bat, right? I go, yeah, I'm an ox and he's a bat. Yeah. But then you're like, be a bat.'re a bat, right? I go, yeah. I'm an ox and he's a bat. Yeah, but then you're like, be a bat. Be a bat.

So I'm literally in, I'm going like this. And he goes, more, more like a bat. I was doing this and saying the lines and he kept going, that's it, that's it. Was it it? I don't know if it is. I think you just make me look like a fool. In the window. You guys know the truth.

I brought something out of him just like we do on the show. When he batted, the lines crushed, and then everyone in the booth went like this. Laughing the fucking asses off. It worked. When you physically emote, when you're sitting there just doing it in the mic, it's never gonna work.

You were emoting like you would in the scene, just like you would if you were acting. I didn't give you a line reading, I gave you emotional readings. I said, Bob, do the thing that you do. And then he killed. And then he fucking killed the session, And then he got us out early because he begged the woman. Well, let me tell you, I have a video I'll send you. I also have a magical thing that happened to me that it's not really a comedy thing. It's a real thing. If I may share it. The molestation

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Shopify.com slash bad friends Shopify.com slash bad friends. As you know, I just did a movie in Oklahoma City with a bunch of young Hollywood. Name some of the names. No. You can. I don't want to. Why not?

It'd be a surprise. You did to me at lunch. You bragged at lunch. On the phone with me. Yeah, you bragged at lunch. I like how he pretends like he's not Mr. Hollywood then he brags. Bragged, bragged, bragged. Oh my God. You bragged. Yeah, today's not good. Happy birthday.

It's not good today. Happy birthday. I feel like being assaulted. I'm liking it. Okay, so I was in Oklahoma City. You were? I felt depressed and I thought maybe I should use. That I don't like. You're right. So guess what I did? Used? No. Went to a meeting. I took my phone out. I have this meetings app on my phone.

Yeah. I went to a meeting. Good. And I felt good. Then what did I do the next night? I went to another meeting. Good. And then there was a kid in the movie

that was also sober. Good. I took him to a meeting. Okay, and then I went to Dallas to do, what's his name's show? Dr. Phil. Dr. Phil. Yeah?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Dr. Phil. And I know you have some feelings about that too that we can share later. Yeah. Yeah. You can share whenever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But something magical happened.

I was at a mall. I was planning to go to a meeting, but I went to a mall first to get some shoes I was walking around and I see a kid and he has these gigantic throat stab wounds in his throat stab wounds yeah yeah they're super thick right why are you laughing how do you know there's cuz I asked him yeah I go Are those stab wounds? I go, dude, what the fuck? He goes, yeah, you know, when I was super like using, I used to stab myself in the neck.

And he goes, but he teared up and he was like, you got me sober. No, that's awesome. And I go, what? I mean, you talk about sobriety. And then I go, what are you doing tonight? I go, how many meetings have been going? He hasn't been in meetings in years.

And he goes- The throat stab guy didn't go to meetings? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would assume he would be on track. So I go, you're not doing it for you, you're doing it to help others. Yeah. So I said to meet me at this random meeting

and he showed up. Good. We sat next to each other. And I think he, there was a shift that happened. Oh, you're smiling. I just think it feels good to hear this. I think this is very important. And then afterwards we, I sunned his body.

I knew it. Cause he wanted a tattoo of my signature. Yeah, right on the chest. He got a tattoo? Of my signature on the chest. Oh boy. And then he got me two pants. He bought you pants?

From the store that, yeah, he works at a store. And I like these pants, but, and so, I don't know, Ryan didn't get them, but he got me two brand new pairs. And then... Can I say something? Yeah. I mean this when I say this. I think the work that you do in the sober world is-

That's not what I'm saying. Can I just finish? I think it's extremely important. And I think the work that you do in the sober world. That's not what I'm saying. Can I just finish? I think it's extremely important. And I think there's a ton of people that listen to this show. They'd either use, used to use, have trouble, have thoughts, and I think it's a great world to put our audience in to know that. Are you being real right now?

Do I sound- I feel like there's a joke coming. I'm not. Okay. I think it's a- Beans on toast or something I thought there was a joke coming. I'm not. Okay. I think it's a- Beans on toast or something. Is there a beans on toast coming? There was.

Okay, I know what. No, I think it's a beautiful, important thing to do as a child of addiction, as someone whose best friend is an addict, whose friend, we have a lot of friends that have lost their lives to it. I think it's important that you do stuff like that. I really mean it.

I think it's imperative to the future of People who are struggling to hear you a famous guy Who by the way What you guys are laughing I'll tell you why the disrespect from andreas. It's insane I'm being fucking seriously literally when you're saying something very sincere and heartfelt and real, and I, dude, I felt it, dude. I'm trying to be real. Dude, I'm connected to you.

This is what I see from this guy. You're mocking me. No, him. This is what Andres is doing. For like 10 seconds looking at something, doing a smirk, and I'm going, what the fuck, dude? What I'm saying is boring, and I don't care. No, I love it.

I guess it's boring. You think it's what? I think it matters. I think it's an important part of life. You know, it's the same way when somebody comes up to me or emails us and says, hey man, I was gonna kill myself last year. My mom died in June.

My dad left us. And listening to the show makes me feel good. These moments changed my life. I think it's fucking important. They make me feel like what I'm doing when I'm sitting on an airplane and it's 40 minutes late and I'm bummed out and it's freezing and they lost my bag and I'm gonna be late to the thing

and I'm pissed off and I didn't eat. I go, oh, this is all worth it because somebody gets joy from our thing. I know it. And you give people joy by giving them hope in the process of comedy. I know what you're going to say next. Beans on toast.

No, I'm Bobby Mom. So what I'm saying though is not that I did anything. Yes, you did. No, I didn't. I didn't do anything. What I'm saying is that I believe that when you make a choice like I'm going to really commit to sobriety, you're open, right? To situations that you may be able to help somebody indirectly almost, you know? I mean, I didn't do anything. I just said, hey dude, let's meet me at this meeting.

That's very direct. Like this? Yeah, that's literally, hey, come with me to this thing. You're lending a hand. Anyway, we'll move on from the sober community, but I do think it's an important thing. I think what you do- It's not that funny today, but. It doesn't matter.

That's not about, this isn't, this is about us being real. You want to be funny, we'll go back to making fun of Andres. It's easy, go for it. Look at that shirt. By the way, I had McCone search Helen Highwater to find Spanish stores, okay? Go all over LA.

By the way, Dizidual, D-H-I-U-A-L, your shirt company that you love so much? Is that a Dizidual shirt? It is. You know that fucking dump is, it's closed all over the world. There's like three left. Just in the US.

I have a question. There's one in Gaza. It's insane how little of them. There's none in the US. Are there no white strips in Spain? Why are your teeth so yellow? Jesus Christ, there he goes. Is that too much?

Is that too much? Oh, it hit him. That one hit him. I know, because, yeah. My teeth are yellow. You have no real teeth. That's why yours are so white. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. There he goes. It's cool.

It's just today. He's hitting you. Yeah, he did hit me. Yeah, very good. You know, because it's your birthday, why don't you throw a couple insults at us? Yeah, yeah, go ahead. That's fine.

Yeah. Go ahead. No, I love you guys. No. Okay. Are you doing, let me ask you another simple question. Sure. You're doing a Mohawk, Andre Agassi on the side thing here or what?

You have to wait a few more months. Is that what you request in Turkey or wherever you went? It's gonna be good. What I want to do is a Mohawk like, Wait for Christmas. Like taxi driver in the end, right? And then put fucking Andre Agassi. It's gonna be a Christmas miracle. Okay. Wait for Christmas. Yeah driver at the end right and then put fucking under our Christmas miracle. Okay, wait for Christmas

My hair will come in Just wait for Christmas Yeah, look here my brain Fancy do you have anything planned with your wife for your birthday? Do you have it you guys have it see huh? You call them fit see fancy. Oh,, okay. Where the fuck have you been? I don't know. I've been doing this for five years. Okay.

Fancy. We're taking our daughter to Disneyland, so nothing. Are you really? Unbelievable you have kids. Oh my God, it's crazy. Wait a minute, have you already bought the tickets? Yeah, not everybody waits until they're 60. Ah.

What did you say? Not everybody waits until they're 60 to have kids. Yeah, okay. Okay. Shots again. Okay. Have you bought tickets? Sure, soon.

Okay, can bad friends buy the FastPass for you guys or whatever? Sure. That could be the birthday gift. No, you know what you need? You know the irony of it? Chaperone. Oh God.

Let's do a chaperone. That's eight grand. Let's do the regular thing. No, I thought you wanted to be a chaperone. We would chaperone you. You know what the funny thing was? My wife literally said that. She goes, what if you buy him tickets to take this kid to Disneyland?

I go, they don't fucking, he doesn't want that for his birthday gift. That's exactly what we're going to do. No, but the chaperone, you know how it works, right? Not really. Do you know how it works? I've never done it. I don't know. We should do it.

No, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've done it. I've done it once and got the super fast. We did Universal Studios. Universal Studios and then you didn't show up. Disneyland, no Disneyland, I'll tell you how it works. But wait a minute, we did buy super fast pass at Universal for Halloween Horror Nights.

You didn't even show up. You didn't show up. You bailed. I know. Everybody else showed up except for you. I know. Jules showed up. Yes.

And you didn't show up. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, can I tell you how it works? Yes. Please. You pay for it. Okay. Sounds pretty easy. And then you show up.

Right. And you show up at the log, there's a log cabin-y kind of fucking, oh sorry, oh yeah, you're right. Log cabin-y kind of like a hotel-y lobby thing. Yeah. Where there's like, you know, a fire. Very descriptive, right?

Yeah, what is this? So then a lady in that suit shows up and she goes, Bobby, I go, yeah, I'm your chaperone for today, right? And then you go, oh, where do we go? She goes, go wherever you wanna go. I go, we don't have to wait in line? She goes, no. Wow.

So you can go anywhere, like if you- Eight grand per person? No, for the whole group. Per family. So you can get a group of 10 and pay eight. Yeah. Right, and then you don't have to like that roller coaster at California Dreaming. I don't get the Asian ones. They didn't offer you her? They're too quick.

They only had one. Let's go, let's go, let's go. I can't catch up. Yeah. In the middle of the ride. Get off the ride. Yeah. But it's pretty convenient. Well, yeah, if you're, if you have enough money, this seems like this is the move. Would you like this fancy for your birthday? Or would you like to keep your job? Yes.

Yeah, yeah. Although, although it really, you know, that money really took a, I took a hit. I mean, it's not a cheap experience. Yeah, so, you know, guys, I don't, you know. How about this, how about this though? No, I've never even heard of this experience, but it is. Adam Levine told me about it.

Yeah, that's why some people don't do it. Resort VIP tours. Are you richer than all of your friends? Get ready for a day without poor people. Call 714. I mean, that's literally what- I would have done it if I wasn't trying to oppress a girl. You could tell me that, that is true.

Yeah, yeah. And it was the first I was meeting her son. And I'm like, I wanna, you know, cause I'd never met the kid before. You told me, and it's a great movie. Right, so like, I wanna give him, but then he left this lightsaber at the park and I got mad.

It is crazy to think though, like that kid's first, his first experience is this. Like, we have a family friend of ours. You know, my buddy, I'll say it off the air. Yeah. His sister, their kids have never ridden on a commercial airline. They've only flown private. Wow. They're little kids. So they have no fucking idea what it's like to go to an airport ever.

Right. They have no clue. So like little kids that grow up in this world, they don't know what it's like to go to Disneyland. Well, this kid, I fucked him up, I think. You did? I'm saying. Because he can never go to Disneyland again. No, he'll be like, where's the Asian woman who tours us around?

Yeah. I want her again. Yeah. Because this is the spoils of the riches. I mean, this is like, that's fancy pants. Look, I could get you some all access wild shit because now, you know, we work for the mouse. But if we go as a group.

Yeah, if we go as a group. With your kids. So maybe we can get to know your family. I've never met that. I know you love that, so absolutely. He has one child, just one kid. Oh, whatever. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, one, two, doesn't mean. You've met his wife. Yeah. She's been here. I've jerked out to her. I've jerked out to her. Why, is that wrong? No.

How is that wrong? In the whole time in your mind, you're going, see, see, see. Yeah, if I said to you, I jerked out to your wife, why would that that wrong? No. How is that wrong? In the whole time in your mind, you're going, see, see, see. If I said to you, I jerked off to your wife, why would that be wrong? It's not, it's fine, it's a fantasy. Right, did that offend you? Yeah.

What would hurt is I would never jerk off. Right. Right? Yes. That would be hurtful. If you said, you know, the girl that you're with, never. I get it, that's a compliment. By the way, at lunch today, you said,

or at dinner tonight, you said, no more women done, period, over. I get it. That's a compliment. By the way at lunch today you said or at dinner tonight you said No, no more women done period. Yeah over. I'm done. No more data. Are you off the sites off the sides? Not doing any of it Wow. Do you know why it's over? That's why it's not gonna happen again. No, come on Yeah, it's over Trains dead. I know what the pee-pee booze about but it's fucking over. I'll tell you why, dude, all right? There's a lot of deception going on. There's a lot of this going on, right? Hey, you wanna go out this night, right? And they go, yes, and then the night comes,

I make reservations, and they bail. On the night of the, yeah, where I make reservations, you know what I mean, and I have a whole, and then I have to take the night off of standup, right? Take the night off, right, and then they bail, and it's just like, all right. Like tomorrow night, I'm going to a place, I'm gonna meet somebody, very special tomorrow night.

Bong Joon Ho. You're going to meet Bong Joon Ho tomorrow night? Where? Mr. Hollywood. Mr. Soul. Mr. Soul. Hallelujah. Bong Joon Ho, you're going to meet him?

Yeah. That's incredible. Where are you guys going to go meet? He's having an art exhibition and then his producers called me and said, you're invited and we want you to come. Wow. I wish I got stuff like that.

You want to come with me? No, no, no, it's okay. I want to do it right. What I'm saying is that I'm done with women and I'm off the sites and I am feverishly masturbating, but I need to stop that. What are we talking, twice a day? No, I've been doing it twice,

but now like every other day now. Every other day. Remember the other day I was doing 14 days in a row, I didn't do it. That's good. You remember that? Yeah, and then so- All right, so no more women,

so it's just Bong Joon Ho from now on. You can't seek love, it's gotta find you, Bob. I think that's not right, but no, I think you're right. I think, here's what it is, I think it's just either gonna happen or not. You think so? Yeah, because it's like, also, you know, I swipe all the time on Raya

and I get no hits. Yeah, but that's not a real website. Every time I see my friends that are on those, that Raya one, that's almost like, it's just Instagram. It's like showing off for the sake of showing off. I mean, I can even go to my- I've never met one person that's dated off Raya for real. Maybe hook up, maybe.

But everybody I know, girls and guys, they say the same shit. I have this fantasy of doing a Bad Friends Bachelor Edition where like, we have women coming to meet with Bobby, and then we do a full show. So that's what you jerk off to. Can we go into some of my messaging at Raya?

Yeah. And see if I'm doing it right. I thought you deleted it. Oh no, I lied. I lied, sorry. Five seconds ago, I deleted all the apps. So let's randomly start, okay. So I sent a message to Alexandra.

Oh, that's a long thing. Let me see. And then, I don't know if I'm, oh yeah, I'm blue. Are you still in LA? Sadly I am. I go, ha ha ha ha ha ha. Why don't you like it? What, was it good so far?

No. No. Oh, fuck. Let's go back. Korean joker. Yeah. I'm doing Korean joker? Ha ha ha, why don't you write it?

Yeah. I mean, it does sound like a ha ha, why don't you write it? I mean it does sound like a murder, what a murderer would say. You don't want to stay? If I go highs, apostrophe s, is that good? No. No, I mean I don't think so. She goes, hey, and I go, I sent a message through Insta, if that's cool, nothing. Well why, I don't understand.

Why are you laughing? Cause girls specifically don't like that when they? Oh, fuck! Wait, why would you do that instead of just continuing the chat there? Because there's no, like, I don't really look at my Ray and Ryan notifications.

Oh, got it. You know what I mean? Sometimes days will go by. I got it. You want to read one? Yeah. Yeah, go ahead. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, hello. Is that me? You said hi, she said, well, hello, yeah. Well, hello. Is that me? You said hi, she said, well, hello, and then you bailed. Let me look, let me look, let me look. Let me look, let me look. And by the way, well, this is so long ago. It says, this is 2022. Yeah, look at the photo.

Let's get another one. No, she looks cute. Okay, fuck. Let's get a more recent one. I, fuck. You went back so far. Yeah, yeah. All right, how about Ariana? From yesterday. Okay.

I do live in LA. You live in LA? I do, I. All right, how about Ariana? From yesterday. Okay. I do live in LA. You live in LA? I do. I try to get out. Are you here? I'm here. Let's communicate. Ah! Let's communicate through Instagram. Be nice. Your game is outstanding.

Ah! Ah! Ah! How about another one? That's like my comedy. Hello, hello. Well, this one. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah, hello, hello. Well this one. Oh, oh, oh.

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21 plus age and eligibility varies by jurisdiction. Void in Ontario, new customers only. Bonus bets expire 168 hours after issue and for additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see dkng.co slash audio. I'll tell you, this one hurts. This one hurts my feelings. Okay, go ahead.

She says, my best friend is a comedian in LA. Anyway, you have to give me a heads up when your tickets go on sale, or I'll miss it. I'll comp you, no pay. How Asian are you? I'll comp you, no pay. It's the way you're saying it.

Say it in a Southern accent. I'll comp you, no pay. You're right, it's Asian. You're right. I'll comp you, no pay. And nothing right, it's Asian. Yeah. You're right. I'll comp you, no pay. And then nothing after that? She goes, oh, thanks. I hope Oklahoma went well for you.

That's so nice. Yeah. Then he didn't respond. Is that recently? March 12th, so that was like a week, over a week ago. Let me see, let me see. You screwed up on that one. Why?

Why wouldn't you hit her back and go, it did go well. Okay, okay. What's going on? You want to meet Bong Joon Ho? No, no. Throw that in there. I mean, some of them is hard because she lives in Austin. Oh, then nevermind. I didn't know that.

And she has children. You got to get over that, dude. You're 50 to the girl. No, I love it. No, I love kids. Woo! Yeah, I love them. Don't say that.

Yeah, yeah. I love the little ones. You love when people have kids. Yeah, I don't have anything against them. You have to accept the fact that that's a reality. Like our good friend, Nick Christ. He was looking for love. He's been in and out.

He met, he fell in love deeply with someone who has a kid. Life is good. Oh, is that who she has a kid? Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. And he's been a wonderful, I don't even know what the labels are now, but. Dude, you have to get over the fact you are at an age

you are going to meet someone with a kid. What about this though? I went on a date with somebody last week and her kids are teenagers, two boys. That's great. And they're gigantic fans of mine. Well, no, but the good thing is- She'll go like, what does I'm Bobby Ma mean?

I go, oh, nothing, don't worry, yeah. Just call me. Yeah, what's Down syndrome? I go, what do you mean? She's like, something happened? Like she doesn't, she's not a fan. She gets it all from her kids. Well, but the good news is if they're teens,

that means they're gonna be 18 and be out of the house soon. Then you got the house to yourself again. So you're really just planning, find a woman with a kid who's 16, 17. Then you're in good shape. Yeah, but if she's in her 40s, I can't have kids. That's not true. What do you mean that's not true?

Oh, you wanna have kids with her? I wanna have kids. Well, then here's the deal, dude. Yeah, yeah. Why don't you go knock up a young stripper, have a baby, pay the stripper to let you keep the baby. Yeah, yeah. And then, you know, meet a woman.

That doesn't sound right. You don't wanna raise a kid? Oh, so I go down to Seventh Vale. I pay the cover. Girls, girls, girls. Oh, girls, girls, girls. Well, tell them at the door, I don't wanna pay cover, I'm trying to have a baby with one of these girls.

Yeah, okay, and then I go, what do I say? During the live dance. I'll give you 50 grand to have my child and let me keep it. And then you don't have to be involved. This happens on the other way, by the way. There's women that tell men, I want to have a baby with you,

but I don't want you involved in the life of the baby. Why can't a guy do that? You don't need a stripper. You can just do it normal like that. I don't know if anybody but a stripper would do it. Like, uh. For him. The Kardashian woman did it.

Who is this? Just. By the way, this is not to say, I love, dancers, you are well respected. You're respected. You're well respected. I'm just saying. There should be, I just created an app.

There's an app. No, we created the app. What is it? Women that wanna do that. Women that wanna do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Please download women that wanna do that. No, no, no, what I'm saying, women that wanna be that want to do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Please download women that want to do that. No, no, no, what I'm saying,

women that want to be surrogates or whatever. Yeah, it's a surrogate. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And then it's an app you can swipe through, they can give you their college education. If it's a devise, fine. It's called No Mommy, Yes Poppy.

Yes. No Mommy, Yes Poppy. And then you go how much, you know, you do, you know. It's the same, there is surrogacy, right? There is for people that can't have kids, you look at the surrogacy, same kind of thing. Can you do it organic though, implants? You wanna have sex with them.

Yeah. I don't really, I don't feel comfortable with the squirties. I think it's a little bit of a problem, I'm not gonna lie. Why? I don't think they do that. Oh, they don't do that? You gotta pay them a lot more, I would imagine. Extra 25? I think it's more than that.

50 grand. I'd say maybe more. Okay, well then no. Okay, well, or be like Carlos, get a call girl. Get a call girl. No, no, no, but no, no, no, no, no. Generational trauma. Well. Because that's what I have from my parents' war. Right, then you'll match up with someone well.

Yeah, yeah. You raise a kid solo, or you could take someone's kid, steal Whitney's kid. Oh yeah. Free kid. Who else has kids I can steal? Who's got a lot of kids? I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Yeah, yeah. You raise a kid solo, or you could take someone's kid, steal Whitney's kid. Oh yeah. Free kid. Who else has kids I can steal?

Who's got a lot of kids? Is there a comic with a lot of kids? George Kimmel. You don't want those kids, those are- The boy doesn't like me, but maybe the- White walkers. They're already half Asian, so. Yeah, yeah.

Can Carlos be my surrogate? Yeah, kind of. Can you carry? Oh, should I transition and get a uterus? Can you implant a uterus in somebody and have a baby with them? You can. Can you really?

I don't think so. Yeah. Can't men have babies now? They're allowed to, legally here. Not in any of the states that I respect. Look, trans men. Both biological trans men are capable of becoming pregnant. Yeah, because you can implant a uterus. No, those are women. No, no, no. That's biological.

That's trans men meaning yet they have a uterus already. You can implant the fucking uterus and right. Oh, okay. Cut it out. Bobby's dream come true. Bobby's dream come true is just like a uterus in a fucking vacuum in like a tube or an Xbox. Yeah, but a universe in the background fucked Xbox. God, this guy blowing a schnod. What's going on, dude? Our producer, no joke, is sick literally twice a month. I bet I will say, very, very happy. Very happy. With what? That the weather's getting nice.

Because I was traveling around, I come back to the land, I go, ooh, that feels good. Feels so good. Sunshine. Dallas felt good. Dallas feels good. Yeah, good. Sunshine. Dallas felt good. Dallas feels good. Yeah, right. Should we move to Dallas?

I know, I love the town. I love Dallas. Yeah. Let's go. You know I just can't move to Austin. Yeah, I can't go to Austin. No business. Give me a reason why. Dallas?

Austin. Why I can't move there? Yes. Why can't I move there? I keep telling you, Vegas. Brother, you don't wanna live in Vegas. You don't. I mean? I keep telling you Vegas. Brother you don't want to live in Vegas. You don't. I mean I like Vegas a lot, but I like to visit.

I think guests would go there. You don't think it's hard? Hard life? You don't think you would have a tough time in Vegas? No, there's probably good AA out there. I know dude, but there's a lot of everything out there. I know. There's everything you've ever wanted there.

It's addiction city. It's addiction city. It's addiction city. Says the kid. It's addiction city. Like from the kid from Minnesota, there's nothing. It's, do the line. It's addiction city. Yeah.

It's addiction city. What a fucking asshole you are. You texted me the other day, I didn't text you back. No you didn't. Because of the addiction city stuff, dude. It's that kind of stuff that gets you no text back. Is that energy? And then you looked at me earlier, you're like,

hey, dad. And it really gave you anything, did I? No. I will after this. Yeah, I will after this. I'm gonna ask you a real question. Oh my God. You've been on the road, you've been working.

How close are you to doing your hour? No, not even close. Come on. Literally not close. I just extended the timeline. Now it's January. You're gonna shoot in January? Yeah.

Oh my God. What? 2026. No, 28. No, 26, 26. And you'll put it out at the end of 2026. Yeah, they go, this is the final last. I'll take that.

But wait a minute. You're going to shoot it in January. You've got eight months now to prep. I've got like my closer down. Really? Yeah, I have a whole fun closer. That's crazy. I mean, I just need about 20, 25 minutes.

I'm getting there. We'll get there. Yeah, this hilarious thing. Yeah, I just didn't see, 25 minutes. I'm getting there. We'll get there. Yeah, this hilarious thing. Yeah, I just didn't see Bobby on the bus ads. So I was concerned. Well, because the ads are only for 2025. That's why. Dude, what are you trying to do, dude?

I was worried that something happened with the deal. Nothing happened. The deal is going. Okay, well I didn't see your, you weren't being publicized. Is Sebastian publicized? They don't really need to. No. Because he's in my chunk. Wow. He's Sebastian publicized. They don't really need to know cuz he's in my chunk Wow

He's in my chunk. You're in his chunk. Okay Okay, okay. Can I say something to you asshole? All right. Yeah asshole. I would tell you that call me that last night Tim Dillon and Marcelo Hernandez yeah, he's fun him go. Hey You want to go rappers party I go what's a rapper party I know a rapper is that so they take me to this gigantic in this on will shirt this gigantic building the rapper lands with a helicopter who's the rapper I don't know love that I'm knowing who it is right but you know

who got recognized the most you did more than Dylan and Marcello. From YouTube. Wow. I gotta know the rapper's party. Who are you calling? Dylan. I just lied. Come on. Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

I just lied, man. Dude, what's going on? What are you trying to do? I just lied? I wanna know the rapper. But I got mad at it. You know what I mean? I got defensive, so I lie when I get defensive.

Well make up a better line. All right, yeah, so I'll tell you. You're naming people we know. You could have said Bong Joon Ho and I did crack last night. I don't know how to contact Bong Joon Ho. Okay, all right, but what am I mad about? I even forgot that. You're mad at Carlos for trying to get at you.

Is the Bong Joon Ho real? No. You're not seeing him either? No, how am I gonna see him? What are you doing? What do you mean? I don't know what to say today, I'm just lying. Can I say something? I respect it. The kid didn't go to the meeting? The staff meeting? No! Do you believe that? Those big staff rooms in the neck? You're a great actor sometimes. Thank you so much, Zim. Oh my god. Yeah, all of its lies. Backhanded compliments. Yeah, neck? You're a great actor sometimes. Thank you so much, Zoom. Oh my God.

Yeah, all of it's lies. Backhanded compliments. Yeah, yeah. You're a great actor sometimes. All right, but here's the trick though. All of it did happen. I know it did. So there you go, in your face.

I know it did. Yeah, I'm a mind tricker. I know. Yeah, yeah. Trick-a. I'm a mind trick-a. Yeah, you gotta be careful. Okay, sorry, my bad.

Mind trick-a? What's up, man? What's up, mind trick-a?, you gotta be careful. Okay, sorry, my bad. Mind tricker. What's up, mind. What's up, mind tricker. What's up, tricker. What's up, mind tricker. This is my neighborhood, tricker. Right? I went and saw my family on St. Patrick's Day.

It was fantastic. Tell us more. And I went out to a little pub, nice little pub. We went to an old pub in my neighborhood that I grew up in. I posted a picture about it, the first apartment I ever had. Theo responded to it and goes, first of all, the first three floors are a garage,

it's a parking garage. He goes, damn dude, no windows? Yeah, buddy. Wow. I love him. Wow. It's his birthday today. Happy birthday.

To Theo. Yeah. And then I trolled around Chicago with my family, it was very meaningful. It was very wonderful to see my family. I love your trolled around Chicago with my family. It was very meaningful. It was very wonderful to see my family. I love your family, dude. I really do. I miss him.

I wish I could see him more. I don't know how we can do that. I really do love him. Especially if we moved to Vegas. Is your sister still out there? She's out there. Okay. No.

Oh, she lives out there. She's in love. I'll do this for her. She's in love in Chicago. I like that guy. He's a great guy. He's a great guy. Love in Chicago. She's in love. Oh, do this for me. She's in love in Chicago. I like that guy. He's a great guy. He's a great guy. Love in Chicago.

You know I love Chicago because the professor, the pizza professor guy. Oh yeah, we had him at the Dr. Phil show. We did it. The Dr. Phil show, I gotta be honest with you, the surprise guest was mind blowing. Who was it? Chevy Chase.

No. It's my hand to God. Chevy Chase went up on stage? Yeah, it was pretty incredible. And did he do bits? Him and Dr. Phil, they talked for a little bit. They did a couple of bits together, but Chevy wasn't gonna stay around for a while.

I think they made it very clear he was gonna hang out, but they played a beautiful video beforehand of like some of Chevy's greatest bits from different movies. Oh wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. It was pretty emotional. He's a legend. His family was there, they all were like loving it. And then he walked out there, did a couple of bits was pretty emotional. He's a legend. His family was there. They all were like loving it. Yeah.

And then he walked out there, did a couple of bits with Dr. Phil and then took off. It was tough to follow. Not gonna lie, very happy I wasn't on right after. Who was on right after? It was Norman. Mark. Yeah, which he killed, but I'm also was like,

I don't wanna go after Chevy. I don't wanna go after fucking a legend. But Norman went out there, he crushed. I mean, he- I did mine in Dallas with Jamie Kennedy. Same kind of level of fame. Chevy Chase. It was fun.

Jamie's my dog. No, I'll be honest with you, I was dreading it, but I really did have fun. You were dreading because it's nerve wracking to do live shows like that. Well, I think the money is what... No. I mean, because I had to look at it from my point of view.

Yeah. I went from the movie had to look at it from my point of view. I went from the movie early to Dallas. So I had to wait three days in Dallas to do that show. Yeah, you were hanging out. So you have to understand that there's like some resentment building. You're right. Like, what am I doing here, man?

What the fuck? For how much? You know what I mean? And I was just repeating that. But then we'll go to a meeting, I think it would calm down. You went to a meeting to calm down. Yeah, yeah. And I was meant to go probably to meet that kid. You definitely were. Yeah, And I was just repeating that. But then we'll go to a meeting, I think it would calm down. We'll go to a meeting to calm down. Yeah, yeah. And I was meant to go probably to meet that kid.

You definitely were. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you were. Yeah, Norman was great. We had some lunch beforehand. And he was like, yeah, piggyback some shows. Did a couple of shows at the den. Great venue.

I have to say though, this Monday night meeting I go to, I can't say who it is, but he's a gigantic, gigantic, gigantic musician. So I go to, I can't say who it is, but he's a gigantic, gigantic, gigantic musician. So I go to the- Hold on. Did I ever tell you about my Monday nights that I go to? You told me, yeah. Celebrity one, right? It's not a celebrity one.

Okay, wait, men's? It's a men's meeting, but it's old rock last year. Steven Tyler. No, he's not it. Axel Ross. Oh no, we're not doing this. Oh, I know, it's a lash. What? It's lash. No, no, it's doing this. Oh, I know. It's a lash.

What? It's lash. No, no, it's not. No, it's not. It's the anonymity part. I can't say this part anyway. Oats. Okay.

Oats. Yes. And Garfunkel. Oats, Garfunkel, the other guy from Wham. Hall. Yeah, yeah. But he's literally like one of the greatest, right? I've been going to this meeting for 20 years.

Paul McCartney. Elvis. And I tried to look at him and I wore his t-shirt the other day. So dumb. I did. You wore the shirt of the band. Because I want him to even look at me.

Yeah. Right, so I had the shirt and I was doing this, sitting like this, and he just would, he's literally directing my eye line. He won't look over. Well, yeah, because he knows you're peacocking. Yeah. And then, you know, I made up the story when I shared,

and got everyone all emotional. Was it going to a rapper's house? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Still nothing, but anyway, I don't know why I said that. But what happened in the Monday night meeting that was important? Nothing.

That's what I'm saying. Is there food at the Monday night meetings? No, coffee and water. Have you ever thought about bringing food for people? No, what are you gonna give? No. Would that be a move? No.

That's not a move. I mean, I can bring cookies. Do you bring anything ever? No, no one brings anything. You can make it your own commitment though, if you want to give more. I'll go, hey. You could be like, I'll bring my cookies.

So I shared the, I shared that meat, that story, Dallas and the kid in the man. Yeah. And I got everyone teared up in the room. Of course, it's beautiful. What is this? Oh, by the way, after all the hate I get, Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak prints his own

custom $2 bills and spends them. Thank God. Thank God the internet is backing me up. All the people that make fun of me online, all the times people mock me. The Wazzy Wazzy prints $2 bills, Bobby, in your face. It's real. Wow. And he spends them. There's the Woz dog right there. Wow. I don't remember. This is the US government. So by law, these are legal. By law, they're legal tender.

I have been spending them. You can get arrested for them. You cannot get convicted because you're in the right. He's printing his own two dollar bills I sell. I sell sheets of four two dollar bills for five dollars. And of course, I tell you what you're getting is worth fifty dollars. It's worth you'd be an idiot not to buy it for five bucks. I sell them all over the place. And Secret Service, the Secret Service, prove these three times. The nerve of this guy, by the way, printing money. He's one of the richest men in the world and he's print literally doing he's spitting in the face of poor people.

I'm printing money. The phrase I'm literally printing money. By the way, something is happening, by the way. There's a revolution coming. I feel it. No, no, I'm dead serious. I'm not even kidding. Oh, my God. Are you ready? I have seeds. No, no, I'm dead serious. I'm not even kidding. Oh my God.

Are you ready? I have seeds. Something's happening. I have seeds and bottles of water. I feel that something's coming. They're big, big dog CEOs, big, big presidents are going to get in trouble. People are going to start taking people out. The doomsday clock has 89 seconds to midnight.

We're so close. The world is about to collapse. I was in the desert. I met a guy. He was sweet guy. He said he worked for some company, not going to say. And he goes, yeah, these other people in my company keep pushing me to get security. They're afraid for my life. I said, why don't you do it? Let's get trailers. Let's get trailer. I'm being real. No one's going to kill podcasters. Oh, we're not involved. What? I want to be involved.

You're wrong. You're not. I want to get a stick. You can get a stick. Okay. Give him the stick with a pinata. All right. No, but really when you mean revolution, what do you mean?

I think there's going to be an uprising. I think there's going to be an uprising. And I mean this. There's going to be an uprising of the lower and middle class, and they are going to go after the top tier, the guys who own Amazon, who own Microsoft, the guys who control all of these big monolithic corporations.

I think it's gonna happen. But if you see these town halls now, right I think it's gonna happen. But if you see- I think it's gonna happen. These town halls now, right? You can see the anger and you're seeing people that normally wouldn't protest and say things just up screaming and interrupting and you know what I mean? They're in rage mode. People are gonna fight back, it's gonna happen.

So get ready, cause it's coming. I thought about that- But let's get a trailer. No, no, we're fine. We gotta get fight back, it's gonna happen. So get ready, cause it's coming. I thought about that. But let's get a trailer. No, no, we're fine. Okay, we gotta get seeds. We'll get the seeds. Okay.

I've always wanted seeds and wanted to watch them grow. Yeah, we'll get some seeds, you can do that. Can you do it, can we get seeds though? Oh my God, Erawan sells seeds, great. We'll buy them from Erawan. No, but we gotta get seeds that, I see them on TikTok a lot. You see TikTok seeds?

Yeah. What are- Yeah, like a variety pack. Yep. All I see on TikTok now is people telling me that you're fat and you're lazy and you need to get up and make money. That's what all, TikTok is all like,

you want to optimize your day. You think your day starts when you wake up? By the time you wake up, I've done six jobs. I've had six jobs. I impregnated four women and I tripled my bank account while you're sleeping. That's what I see on Instagram. TikTok now is getting boring.

Two months ago, I fucking searched animals with Down syndrome. And now I just keep getting like every other one is like koala work, you know what I mean? It's crazy. Oh my God, that's an- Yeah, I- I know.

I do it. And they're cuter when they have it. Well, the koala is. Look at the koala with this little fat tongue sticking out. I didn't know that they got Down syndrome. I think they all do, yeah. Anyway, seeds, let's go back to seeds. Dude, that's me. There I am, that's they got Down syndrome. I think they all do. Yeah. Anyway, seeds. Let's go back to seeds.

Dude, that's me. There I am. That's my kid. Yeah. You want seeds. I think there's going to come to a time when peak oil happens. Peak oil. You know peak oil?

When we run out of oil? No, it's not when we run out. We get to the top precipice of where oil, right, we can get it and then the demand is gonna be too high, high because the world is growing population-wise and we have bigger like, we have empires like India and China, right? And so when it, we can't have the demand, that's when things start breaking down. Because fossil fuel isn't something that you can just make, it's just there. And then once you're done with it all, it's not there anymore. We'll find something by then.

Hopefully. But my point is that after peak oil, and then all of a sudden we can't get blueberries from Mexico or whatever. You don't need them. Okay. Then you can't get plantains from Brazil. But look at this. It suggests between 2028 and 2035. I will say we will find a continuation of alternative solutions. When we're put in a corner, humans do great things. Have you seen, by the way, Japanese are using kinetic energy to now try to power cities, entire cities. They have these things on the ground that you walk on, just regular sidewalks.

And by stepping on it, right there, they're triangles. No, no, no, do the one that's triangles, down that one. Wow. So these are kinetic energy walkways, and they're putting them all over Japan. When they walk, they capture the kinetic energy, which turns into electricity, powering an entire city. Amazing.

So the proposition is that this will be all over major cities, New York, Chicago, Miami, where there's a lot of foot traffic and it will end up powering the city itself. Look dude, the smartest people in the world are continuing to work on great shit. I'm not saying. I just don't know, I mean why don't we have it now then? Everything's take time. I know but Jimmy Carter back when he was president, let's talk about Japan. He was talking about peak oil back then. I know but they're making it for themselves, but Jimmy Carter back when he was president was talking about Japan He was talking about peak oil back then. I know this is a danger. I know but look it's not happened yet We keep putting shit off Look, dude, we're all dead. I got so many microplastics. I know I pissed a Lego yesterday

I know I know I know I know I mean it's like it's fucked You know whenever I go to eat sushi now, they're like, yeah, you get too much sushi. It's you're gonna blank blank blank Well, fine. I like the sushi. Hmm. You know, whenever I go to eat sushi now, they're like, yeah, you get too much sushi, it's, you're gonna blank, blank, blank. Well, fine, I like the sushi. I like sushi, I'm gonna keep eating poisoned fish from the sea. Drinking this, you get a little microplastic. Right, again, what am I supposed to do?

Exactly. What are we supposed to do? Get a well. Get a well? Yes. Dig a well. Yeah. And then there's piss and poop in the well somehow.

You see the way people act in public? And I'm like, no shit, we're fucked. Like what? The way that we, okay, we were going, we were going to try to get a car to go to the airport and there was traffic, like crazy traffic because they're doing something to the expressway again in Chicago.

And these people were waiting outside of the hotel to get autographs from, the hockey team was in town and the LA Kings were staying there. And the way these men would like bump in front of each other and throw each other out of the way to get an autograph from another grown man. I'm like, Oh, we're fucked. It's we're fucked. Grown men. Yeah.

Like, I mean, literally fighting for air time space to have another man sign a piece of paper that most likely they want to sell. They're not going to keep it. And they're not making a living off of this. They just want the satisfaction. But they were like fighting. I was like, we're fucked. As a society, we're fucked.

I've never asked for an autograph, have you? Absolutely. When I was a kid, when I was a child. I didn't know anybody. Well, you were, you were deprived of all. Maybe the local barber. Look at that, your autographs are for sale online. There you go.

That was someone you signed at the airport. Yeah, that is, that is my signature, yes. 100%. Yeah. How much is it going for? 67 dollars. Oh, don't laugh. Mine's less for sure. Andrew Santino, $30 is mine. That's 85.

Look at Andrew Santino autograph, $26 max. I won't breach 30. 59, 42. I'm less, see? 49. 124, because it's you and I together. Wow. $30.

Do people buy it? No. Somebody must. It exists. Oh, that's a $50 what? Just one of our tour posters? Mm-hmm. With all of us? Or just you and I?

No, just you and I. Wow. That's a little offensive. Yeah. It's 15% off. When did they decide to take it down? Well, it's been up for 15 years. Nice.

Dude, dude, dude, dude. These kids got to be in the show. Dude, dude, dude, dude. Dude, dude, dude, dude. Dude, dude, dude, dude. Dude, dude, dude, dude. Dude, dude, dude, dude. Dude, dude, dude, dude.

Dude, dude, dude, dude. Dude, dude, dude, dude. Dude, dude, dude, dude. Dude, dude, dude, dude. Dude, dude, dude, dude. These kids gone. No, can I just say something? That tone was insane. That was crazy. It's an addict's parents. That's what it was. Hey.

Happy birthday, Andreas. Happy birthday, fancy. Thank you. You say it. You say it. Thank you. Happy birthday, Andreas. Happy birthday, Fancy. Thank you. You say it. You say it.

Thank you for being a my friend. Woo, yeah, woo, yeah.