Bad Friends - Ooh La La!

Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, friends, we got more dates with the fall. We got game. We got game and we got shows coming up. We got shows in the fall So look we shifted some shows. We added a second show Saturday, September 16th and Munhol P.A. Then Friday, October 6th October 6th, we got to be in Boston, Massachusetts. Then October 21st, we're gonna be in Washington, DC and then October 28th, we're gonna be in Washington DC I heard of it and then October 28th we're gonna be in Belko theater at Denver, Colorado That's my favorite Belko of all of all of us Friday November 24th We are at the Riverside Theater in Milwaukee, Wisconsin Yeah, yeah, and then the 25th of November we go to Chicago theater I don't know what the creatures are and then November 30th. We're in Minneapolis, Minnesota

Starting point is 00:00:44 I got molested and then Friday December 1st were at the Orphium in Madison West Hudson more days ago, but that second show added in Monhol Boston DC Denver, Milwaukee, Chicago, Minneapolis, Madison Let's go Mad friends pod dot com bad friends pod dot com and here's the deal. Here's the deal The pre sale for the artist's pre sale is Wednesday. It starts this Wednesday June 21st at 10 a.m. Oh, that's good. And it goes until Thursday June 22nd.

Starting point is 00:01:11 Password is bad friends. Bad friends. Bad friends. And then it's all on sale on Friday, but try to get those tickets. Wednesday June 21st at 10 a.m. Password is bad friends. Bad friends at pop.

Starting point is 00:01:22 BadFriendsPod.com. BadFriendsPod.com. Tom. You two are bad friends Bad friends pod.com bad friends pod.com You two are bad friends You are these two idiots My dude You are an Asian dude You two are disgusting Are you two or something

Starting point is 00:01:36 Bad friends It's an old Korean tune Bing bitty bing bing bong bong bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink-pink- Chase women because you end up dying in a well. That's what's unfortunately the truth about life you go after women You end up dying in a well, Bob. You got to be careful about it. You drink a lot of ginger beer. She did She did too much way too much ginger beer. You drink too much ginger beer. It's not good Well, you end up in a well. Yeah, end up in a well. You know what happens when you drink too much ginger beer, right? You get Diabetes you do and then what happens the whole town puts you in a well. Right. And then they go, well, the ginger.

Starting point is 00:02:28 We know what happens is you get too fat from the ginger beer, from the diabetes. And they put you down there. And you look up and you go, why? And they go, well, well, well, well, well, well, well. Interesting, interesting, interesting. Interesting. OK, let's start the show.

Starting point is 00:02:44 Here we are today back in the studio Rudy Jules is back. She's on her phone. She's got a brand new phone a big iPhone 14 plus the max plus good to see Good to see someone's rich someone's rich good to see good to see a good to see you Jack Jules. How are you? Thank you. It was Do you, J-Jews, have a happy birthday? Thank you. Is your birthday? It was. It was.

Starting point is 00:03:06 It was? It was? It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was.

Starting point is 00:03:14 It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was.

Starting point is 00:03:22 It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was-cup-kip. Skip-pap. You're scu-cup-kip. You're scu-cup-kip. Is there like a- do you guys have your own happy birthday melody? Intagalog, but I- Yes, I speak Cebuano. It's different.

Starting point is 00:03:34 It's Cebuano. But there's no song. Wait, are you saying Cebuaro like the pizza place? Yeah. Is that where it's from? Is the Philippines? Exactly. That's where it's not good. That's where it tastes like wood.

Starting point is 00:03:44 No, it's good. Cebuaro's good. It's not good. That's what I taste like wood. No it's good. It's a good. It's a good. Really good. You like Subaro pizza? Yeah, in the Philippines I always go there. So funny. Right.

Starting point is 00:03:53 It is from the Philippines. What do you get there? What's Subaro pizza? You get Bat Pizza? What do you get down there? No, I'm not the pizza. I get the white... I like the Bat Pizza with Ballot.

Starting point is 00:04:01 I said, I think that's a huge pizza. Have you seen their vats? They're huge. Yeah, we've talked about it. I get the white pasta. Isn't that funny, and then you hate white things, but you like the white pasta. It's really creamy, that's why I like.

Starting point is 00:04:10 Oh, what's also the creamy? White guys. Yeah. Creamy white guys. Bang, bang, bang, bang. Sing, sing Happy Birthday to her. Sing, sing. I don't know the Subwano.

Starting point is 00:04:23 There's, we just, Would you never have a fucking birthday but we just sing it in English stealing from us steal steal steal steal yeah do you guys have like a Christmas song because the Mexicans have the police Navidad that's one of my favorite ones we have they do there's goes I can't believe we didn't die tantantana another year we didn't tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt Ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta I'm gonna get down here. I'm gonna get down here. I'm gonna get down here. Wait too much. Too much. That's happy birthday. That's just, yeah.

Starting point is 00:05:27 Yeah, so you had a great birthday. I know an amazing birthday. What did Andrew do for you? Andrew extended my trip in Orlando and my hotel so I could stay at the resort with a sister and her best friend Stacey. That's right. Shout out to Cadian Stacey.

Starting point is 00:05:43 Shout out my sister and Stacey. Well, they're kind of both my sisters, but we had a good time in Orlando. You guys got to stay by the pool. You were drinking. Wait, did you go, I said go off for dinner. Yeah. Dinner drinks.

Starting point is 00:05:53 Girls night out. It was awesome. You're sister. Who paid for it? I did. The ladies paid for it. You paid for all of our drinks at the pool. Wait, the ladies didn't put the,

Starting point is 00:06:01 so they paid for the dinner? Yeah. Oh, that's very nice. What did I pay for? You got me breakfast, and you called me. I did call you dinner. You called me at 2 a.m. And I said happy birthday again. What is the soccer shirt you're wearing today?

Starting point is 00:06:12 Oh, it's just because it gets a little cool here, and I want to be able to sweat through something. You know nothing about that. You know why it gets cold in here? Because you fucking weigh a hundred pounds, and eat Caesar salads, you should eat a meal once in a while. I'm trying to be trim. I'm 36 years old. It's easy to gain weight. That's why. 36 years old. How much do you weigh?

Starting point is 00:06:30 135. Oh, tall. You five seven. I weigh 180. I'm five three. That's not even a job. I know. That is fun. It's insane. How much do you think I weigh? I weighed today. I know. That is funny. It's insane. How much do you think I weigh? I weighed today. I'm kind of bummed. Two. Wow. Do I look fat?

Starting point is 00:06:52 No, you're trimmed. Muscle. Two hundred and two pounds. That's great. I'm two or two. That's awesome. But I do feel fit. I'm just, I am going to the gym more, but I feel fat.

Starting point is 00:07:03 It sounds fat. When I hear two hundred and two pounds, that sounds like a lot of weight. I think I'm like 150 pounds. That's fine. Carlos weighs less than me. Yeah, well Carlos is sick. Here and body. You know, if you told me you had a terminal illness, I would, my response, let's say I

Starting point is 00:07:20 have a terminal, Andrew, I have to tell me right now. Hey Andrew, I have a terminal illness. I know. Yep. I would just say I know. Really? We've been thinking, Andrew, I have a terminal, I know. Yep. I would just say I know. Really? But we've been thinking it's been coming for a long time. We think you're hiding it from us.

Starting point is 00:07:29 No, of course not. I would tell you guys anything. I don't know. This feels like one of those, the black Panther guy, you know, thing where you're hiding it, nobody knows. Oh, that's like too noble for me to like die and tease. What was it, Chadwick, both of you?

Starting point is 00:07:39 Yeah, exactly. That poor guy, and he hit it from everyone. You would tell everyone, you would scream it from the wrap. You know, I earned carpenter without the talent. That's so mean, but that's what you look like you know You look like the crossbeast is a Nash yeah, right as he was going bald. That's exactly right right exactly what you look like cross The crossbeast you you'd be and In that man you be and ampersand yeah, yeah, let's talk about Rudy Jules what's been going on in your little world Nothing oh In that menu, be in. Ampersand. Yeah, yeah. Let's talk about Rudy Jules, what's been going on in your little world? Nothing.

Starting point is 00:08:06 Oh, fuck, I'm so happy. Oh, I'm so happy. And I, and I, and I, because she was coming to Riverside show and I, I called her on boyfriend. Is he coming? And I go, make sure to do everything you can to come and bring Rudy. He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, yeah, I'll do it.

Starting point is 00:08:21 I'll do it, you know what I mean? And now he's not coming. Why doesn't he not like me? No, he has a work That's why what does he work? Um the pharmacy Walgreens How much did you get paid that night? I know the pharmacy Walgreens he works at the pharmacy. Yeah, what does he do? Pharmacy tech. What does that mean? He just stocks pills. Is he a boy? Yeah? He can't us pills. I've been telling him to get me ozm pick. No, that's a way for a strong.

Starting point is 00:08:49 Yeah, why would you be that? Why would you need that? Because I need it. For what? Just in case I get really, really fast. No, you don't. I got to tell you this is smart planning. It's pretty good.

Starting point is 00:08:59 Because she's not fat now. She's not getting fat now. But she knows at some point she will be fat. Yeah. Because you know that and I know that. You've seen what happens but she knows at some point she will be fat. Yeah, because you know that and I know that You've seen what happens in the Philippines at some point Yeah, they just balloon up. Although your mom was really big and now she's small because of ozampic. Yeah, oh, Centric she's what it's called. She's eccentric. Yeah, ozampic. We got to get you some ozampics. You can lean out. Can I be on ozampic? You don't you don't need it.

Starting point is 00:09:26 Why? Because I think it would trigger you. A drug frenzy? It's a gateway drug. I think it would put you in a place where you want other, because what it does to you, right? It suppresses your appetite. Yeah, what is that gonna do?

Starting point is 00:09:38 It's the only thing you live for. It's the only thing you crave. I talked to Jarvis today. I had lunch with Jarvis who says hi. Ryan Jarvis? Yeah, yeah. And we talked about we got the salt and straw ice cream afterwards because I love that stuff so fucking good it's so good it's like annoying every time I pass one I go I should stop by yeah and I don't know what you do that with your hand because he's flaming

Starting point is 00:09:58 I'm gay yeah big deal it's my month exactly so listen, it is my month. So we missed the comedy store parade thing. With the, what the, it's just, it's in Justin Martin Hill's assholes, it's just the whole story. And then just comes out of the parade. That's where the parade is. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I couldn't find it. It's a microphone.

Starting point is 00:10:18 It's in his butt hole. Okay. Micro moves up and down, not a crank a mic in and out of his butt hole. That's the, you know, the moving part. Yeah. No, but I, we talked about you and I said, he orders the same thing. He does a lot of desserts and a lot of appetizers.

Starting point is 00:10:28 And I said, well, you said to me, you said, I'm an addict. This is my only vice. You gotta let me have this. And I did say to you, I said, you're right. And I agree with that. And you're right. Because you're like, this is all I have.

Starting point is 00:10:37 So imagine on those epic, you're appetite suppressed. What do you have? If you don't have food, what do you got? Elvin Ring. You're gonna be, let me tell you something. I have something to say. Tito Bobby doesn't eat a lot. He buys a lot of food, but he doesn't eat a lot.

Starting point is 00:10:53 So I think he'll be fine. I don't, I don't miss you on this show. Why? That's a true point though. It's a partial truth. Here's the deal. He eats often, small things, but all the time. When we were together, multiple times, I picked him up when we were in St. Petersburg.

Starting point is 00:11:15 I said, where are you? He said, I'm at this little cafe getting breakfast. I said, well, I'm going to go to this other cafe that the valet recommended. He goes, good, I could eat again. So I picked him up. He ate him. No, I'm like a hobbit. He ate it in a breakfast. Second breakfast. Yeah, but then you ate a third breakfast, you ate three.

Starting point is 00:11:27 Hobbit sometimes do that. I think hobbits are only two. How many breakfast do hobbits usually eat? Yeah, yeah. I think two is max. But there's two dinners. Yeah, you also get two dinners. How many lunches though?

Starting point is 00:11:38 You could skip a lunch. I don't know. So according to the books, a six traditional hobbit meal times. Exactly. Six in a day, dude. So, two, four, six, or three, three. Three, one, two.

Starting point is 00:11:48 Oh, three, one, two. I do three, one, two, dude. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, seven, this one says seven. Frodo does it. Exactly. Breakfast, second, breakfast, 11z, lunch, and afternoon two.

Starting point is 00:11:58 11z, 11z is what I do. 11z. I think yours are 12z's to be out. Yeah, yeah. They're a little bit more. Yeah. No, but they eat a lot. But you cannot get on, please don't get on, ozampic. I have to do it. I think yours are 12 z's to be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a little bit more. Yeah. No, but they eat a lot.

Starting point is 00:12:07 But you cannot get on, please don't get on a Zempick. I have to do it. I have to lose weight. No, because look at the side effects. What? It's like, it's insane. The people that have gone on this? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:12:15 I've heard a few horror stories. I'm not going to lie. What are the side effects? I'll see if I can deal with that. I love it as possible. Nausea diureus, stomach abdominal, I have those already. Vomiting constipation. Smegletude, the biggest side effect is smegletude

Starting point is 00:12:28 What's smegletude? I hate when I get that That's actually what ozempic is What's smegletude? It can cause side effects when people are unable to tolerate Nausea vomiting and constant diarrhea That's how you lose weight By the way, the original name of ozempic is called smegletude

Starting point is 00:12:40 Smegletude, like smegma Information of your pancreas Changes in vision, low blood sugar, kidney problems, kidney failure smagglitude smagglitude like smagma inflammation of your pancreas changes in vision low blood sugar kidney problems kidney failure serious allergic bladder problems hypoglycemia do pancreas as you want to fuck you want to have your pancreas stop where that's it that's like a one percent of the people no it's not i'm sure it's much higher than that do what what percentage of ozepic users have side effects what percentage of ozepic users have side effects? What percentage of ozepic users have side effects?

Starting point is 00:13:05 And I'm telling you, it's more than you think. Users have side effects. 16%... Nausea, 20% of people, 16%... You're getting diarrhea and nausea from this, dude. I'm telling you. I'm telling you. Well, I mean, can you try it and then, like,

Starting point is 00:13:22 if the diarrhea comes, it's too much, I can go. I'm gonna stop. Yeah, but you won't want to stop. You know you'll keep going. I love it. Yeah, I love that. You'll feel good. You'll be losing weight.

Starting point is 00:13:31 Your tummy will be flat. I want to look good, babe. So do I, but then why don't you just get on a little bit of an exercise right? I love donuts. Me too. I don't think so. What's the one breakfast item you cannot live without? Like, if they're like, hey, we're, I'll tell you what I get every time.

Starting point is 00:13:45 If there's like a pastry basket. Fuck man. Give it, give it, give it. Oh yeah, we had that. I know, dude, we not do that. Yeah, I've never seen that before. We had cinnamon roll muffins. Oh yeah, where do we have that?

Starting point is 00:13:55 In St. Petersburg? At that, we, my second breakfast. Yeah, your second breakfast. Yeah, yeah, at the, at the, at the biscuit place. Oh my god. Oh my lord. They had, they made homemade biscuits and he's got biscuit and gravy.

Starting point is 00:14:06 It was delicious. Yeah. And then they go, that you guys know we make this homemade cinnamon muffin and I was like a cinnamon roll muffin. No, it's a biscuit. I'm sorry, cinnamon roll biscuit. Okay. And he was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the inside, swirled and filled biscuit.

Starting point is 00:14:19 Yeah. And then the outside is crispy and flaky as a biscuit with cinnamon sugar layers in between. Wait, what was the restaurant? We had a dessert at a restaurant. We was at the cinnamon roll, but inside the middle was not cinnamon roll. St. Peter's bird. That was also St. Peter's bird.

Starting point is 00:14:33 You went to that place twice. And what's the place called? I don't remember. Oh yeah, cow. No, that's Jacksonville. Cow. No. Oh yeah, a jackson. That's a cow.

Starting point is 00:14:43 Cowabunga. Not cowabunga, yeah. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, the service fuck. No, that was amazing The service was amazing. Yeah, the whole thing was in those like 30 people You know sometimes we go some towns we go. It's like it feels like a big deal. Mm-hmm. Sometimes no Sometimes they're sometimes they're mad. We're there. Yeah, that's what it feels like sometimes they're like you guys couldn't go anywhere else Yeah, Jacksonville felt like a big deal. Yeah, but Orlando did not. Yeah, because it's fucking Orlando.

Starting point is 00:15:31 Right, the Disneyland will trump us every fucking thing. Yeah, but they did. You can't fuck with Trump. But they did tell us, they took us into the, um, to the John Lennon room. That was cool. Oh, they did. And we saw the piano sign by all these legends.

Starting point is 00:15:43 That was pretty fucking amazing. Do you like John Lennon Rudy? Um, imagine if you did. Oh, they did and we saw the piano sign by all these legends. That was pretty fucking amazing. Do you like John Lennon Rudy? Imagine if you did. Yeah, yeah. I'm okay Really? Yeah, you don't like him No, I know he is what's what band did he sing for Beatles? Oh Do you know all the members of the Beatles? No she got Can you name some of them? John Lennon. Yeah, easy one. Yeah

Starting point is 00:16:10 The one that's has a weird voice. Yeah weird voice. What's his name? You know she's talking about the lead The lead the one that I always see in the middle. Yeah, what's his name? Come on, we can help you Jim Not Jim yeah, Jim. Well Jim is in the band. Yeah Jim Mahoney Wait say it again Jim Mahoney It's not Jim Mahoney. Ma. Ma.

Starting point is 00:16:46 It's not Jim Mahoney. Okay, so good. That's good. No, this is good. So I'm gonna give you the right. Paul. Paul McCartney. Paul McCartney. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:16:55 Paul McCartney. Or McCartney. Is it McCartney or McCartney or McCartney? McCartney. McCartney. Yeah, Paul McCartney. Yeah, Paul McCartney. McCartney. McCartney. McCartney. Paul McCourtney. Maccourtney. Maccourtney. Maccourtney.

Starting point is 00:17:05 Maccourtney. Maccourtney. Maccourtney. Maccourtney. Maccourtney. Maccourtney. Maccourtney. Maccourtney.

Starting point is 00:17:13 Maccourtney. Maccourtney. Maccourtney. Maccourtney. Maccourtney. Maccourtney. Maccourtney. Maccourtney.

Starting point is 00:17:21 Maccourtney. Maccourtney. Maccourtney. Maccourtney. Maccourtney. Maccourtney. Macc was great. Pick up your feet. Yeah, pick up your feet. And she would sweep under each footstep. Yeah, pretty inefficient. No, you know, you know, she's the one that broke the band. She's the one that broke. Oh, so you know, little tidbits. A little bit. What are you picking at your face? My pimple. Oh, good. Stop doing it while you're on camera. Can you save it until you get home? No,

Starting point is 00:17:40 it's annoying. We all have pimples. It's okay, it'll come and it'll go. Yeah. How's the adeens job so far? It's fine. Still doing. Yeah. Yeah. What's the Dean job? She works at the Dean's office.

Starting point is 00:17:54 I thought you were working at the bookstore. No, it's a different one. She never got that job. Yeah. They put her in the back. But with promotion to the Dean's office. Yeah. You know what I liked on tour? What? The NFL players. Yeah, Tampa Bay Buckinge Niers came to the Dean's office. Yeah. You know what I liked on tour?

Starting point is 00:18:06 The NFL players. Yeah, Tabo Bay Buccaneers came to say hello to us. That was pretty cool. That was fucking a really rad. Very good guys. Who else was there? Oh, yeah, Mario came. Yeah, Mario Lopez came.

Starting point is 00:18:18 Which is incredible. With his schedule, I'm surprised I showed up. Yeah, Mario Lopez come. He likes us. I guess he said he was a huge fan. I didn't mind it. Have you met him, Mario Lopez? No, and I feel like I showed up Mario Lopez. He likes I guess he said he was a huge fan. Yeah, I didn't mind it Have you met him Mario Lopez? No, and I feel like I never will he's one of those guys I feel like I'll never sit down with it's he is he's always at Sebastian Monoscalco's like party. That sounds right But he never like I I'm never around him. No, he kind of floats

Starting point is 00:18:39 He kind of floats on his own. I mean, is there any new anime you're watching? No, I'm kind of like... You're over it. What's been going on in your life, Rudy? I'm just going to school, work, sleep, eat, that's it. American Dream. Yeah, that is kind of the imaginary. You didn't have to work.

Starting point is 00:18:59 You went on a picnic... Hi, dinner night. Oh yeah, with you from... Your boyfriend? Yeah. So you're over year now what I mean He took you to a little picnic was it for your one year anniversary? No, he just stopped by and then we went Does he tell you he's gonna do stuff like that or he just surprises you?

Starting point is 00:19:14 Sometimes he surprises me was the pit was this surprise? Yeah, so he says I've got a basket full of stuff for us to Well, I want him to okay, he was born here So he doesn't have an accent. Well, I want him to. Okay. He was born here. So? So he doesn't have an accent? You were born here, he has an accent. I'll have a little bit of an accent. See? It's a little bit.

Starting point is 00:19:34 Fancy has an accent. He was born here. No? Yes, he told me he had a visa coming here. Yeah, he's got a visa. I know. When you meet his wife, you think think What was in it for her? Hmm she had to get this guy, you know legalized here

Starting point is 00:19:49 She had to put up with him and have a baby with this guy. I know a girl that she was in it for her. Yeah Imagine imagine his wife like spreading his oh Imagine his sad and his thigh and just kissing with that little nomadsland right there. And him going, Ulla la. Say Ulla la. Ulla la. How creepy is that?

Starting point is 00:20:12 That's French though. Yeah. What would the Spanish would say if you kissed his taint? He would say the French one. Yeah. Say Ulla la. Ulla la with an accent. You make weird noises when you're making love?

Starting point is 00:20:24 Of course. Who doesn't? I don't. You're completely silent when you're making love. Of course, who doesn't? I don't. You're completely silent. You're quiet when you have sex? Yeah, I have my ninja mask in every way. Yeah, I have the fucking swords. Well, those clang together. That's what I heard that other night in the hotel.

Starting point is 00:20:37 Just two swords. Succeed. But you make noises. Of course. I'd look, can you record them sure that'd be great I'm funny with that being hearing fancy sex noises. This is great. I am great But it's all about him It's been you know I gotta tell you it's been a weird wobbly time since I've been home

Starting point is 00:21:07 I felt so disconnected because I feel like we're home and then we got to go yeah, so I don't feel much going on you've been doing spots I haven't done any you're doing tonight tonight. I am yeah, yeah, but I haven't since we've been back now I went and visited the dogs. I need to see the dogs. I saw that online. How was that? It was real nice. I mean, they just get so excited to see me. And they just lay, all of them just lay on my head. It's heartbreaking, actually.

Starting point is 00:21:33 Because all you have is the cats at the house. Yeah. And the cats don't know who I am. Right. So it's a complete experience. Who do they think you are? I don't know, but Bojo, the fat one, right? He's just, he's always like, where am I?

Starting point is 00:21:49 Like he doesn't know what's going on in it. Is he a cussed? No, he's just, I think he's dumb. Yeah. He thinks he's an idiot. Yeah, he just wanders in a circle and he looks at me like for the first time he's never seen me before. Maybe he needs an assistant.

Starting point is 00:22:02 Wow. That is what that is. So, wow. So, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just,

Starting point is 00:22:12 you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, so it is kind of right on the money, you're right, but watch your fucking mouth

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Starting point is 00:23:32 We're up to 55% off your subscription babble language for life Be spoke post you guys um, you know, I love Be spoke post. I love box box box of Awesome. That's a Box of Awesome right there. Here it is. If you have a loved one, it's a birthday, any kind of gift, right? Christmas. Box of Awesome is the best gift you can give anyone.

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Starting point is 00:25:25 La marca número 1 en email y marketing y automatización. Empezado hoy mismo en MailSimp.com. Vas a venderte a tus públicos de marcas competidoras en número globales de clientes en 2020 y 2022. Oye, y si vamos al pueblo a comer, creo que te has de mi abuela. ¿Qué dices? Pero si te vuelves de enbarnia. ¡Qué va a nada! Mira, muy fácil. Primero cogemos un autobús hasta ciudad Rodrigo. De ahí otro estás a la manca. Luego me dios. No te liés. Este verano viaja de puerta

Starting point is 00:25:47 y sin complicaciones con Bláblacá. Siempre encontrarás una cercana, incluso a última hora. De la serba tu próximo viaje, ya. Bláblacá, bláblacá. We walk past two cats. What, two nights ago. We take neighborhood, like nighttime neighborhood walks. And all I hear from a cross the street,

Starting point is 00:26:03 like behind the bush. Wow. Love. Wow. Love. Wow. Love. And I was like, oh, they're fucking. Yeah. And wow.

Starting point is 00:26:13 Wow. Well cats have razors on their days. You hear about this? Sorry. Yeah. Yeah, hooks. Hooks. So it hurts.

Starting point is 00:26:22 So it hurts. Yeah. I thought they're racers. Full feral cats are racers. Wait, so their penises have little hooks on them? Oh, yeah. And it hooks the vet, yeah. Wait, you know, I'll just hold this little racer dick.

Starting point is 00:26:34 Yeah, they're like a little, look at that. So that's why when they're having a, like, oh wow. Yeah. My vaginal walls, ow. But I go to the bush and one cat is so fucking fat. Like we thought they were strays. One was huge. How big?

Starting point is 00:26:49 No identification on it. No identification. So neither of them, I thought they were strays. How big? Yeah. So big. How big? I'll tell you how big it was.

Starting point is 00:26:57 It was bigger than I'm out of my salmon. I'm out of my salmon. It was huge and the other one was rail thin. And that was the guy. That was the boy and I thought look at you look at you. Oh, and it was a black cat. I knew it. I could take it. It was a white fat fat white.

Starting point is 00:27:15 I know Ireland or something. I'm just saying no Atlanta. I think Atlanta. Atlanta. But it was so funny because it was a rail thin little black cat. Yeah. I mean, look like I had neat and in weeks. Yeah, and the fat lumpy white catch is and it was a little thargic because they just

Starting point is 00:27:29 probably finished, you know, but then the black cat was re-scentered over to me. Yeah, real slowly. And then he and then he and then he looked at me, he goes, what's up? How's it going though? Yeah, I know that's perfect. If you guys could change your pain, listen to anything, what would it be? Well, I think that, um, what do you mean? Like, the size of the shape, or what do you mean? I don't know. Magic.

Starting point is 00:27:55 Anything in the world? Any sky's the limit. Well, you, I think it would be cool if like, you know those block games where you put the square into the square peg hole, right? Sure. So, the woman's vagina is like a square and my penis was a square, right? And I can play that game. And then if she has a circle, I have a square dick, right?

Starting point is 00:28:11 We're not meant to. I still try to jam it in. Yeah. You. I was trying to jam an end, but you know, man, I would love for mine to be able to sing. Oh, that's. If I can just like, I could hit it. And he goes, oh, just I would love to see like a penis mouth open.

Starting point is 00:28:28 What a baby with you everywhere. I'm like, that's enough. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, I like that. Oh, I'll tell you a dick joke I heard the other day, like an old street joke. This is really fun. I like this.

Starting point is 00:28:37 A guy, a guy's going through the woods, going hiking through the woods and he sees a lamp on the ground and a genie comes out of it and he goes, oh, whoa, whoa, a genie. And he goes, genie goes, all right, you got two wishes. Let's go. And he goes, two, I thought it was always three. I'm fucking, what kind of genie only grants two wishes. And the genie goes, look in your pants.

Starting point is 00:29:00 And he opens his pants. He goes, whoa, my dick is huge. And the genie goes, yeah, I've been doing this for a long time. You like it. He liked the street show. I don't know. The first wish every man has to always make my dick bigger. It is. Well, that's the job.

Starting point is 00:29:28 It is. What would you wish for? What was your three wishes? Your should be dick bigger by the just by the way. Also when she said what would you change about your dick anything? I was hoping you would just go normal. Whoa. That's fucking rude. I'm not saying anything. You haven't said. I'm gonna say something. I haven't said anything. You haven't said. You said. I know, but I know what I'm working with. Yeah. All right. And if I'm with a girl and she still wants to stay with me with what I'm working with, think you're locked in, baby. I understand. I don't have a grizzly dick and that's why they're staying with me because I have a grizzly dick.

Starting point is 00:29:53 Well, no, why would you want a grizzly dick? I mean, you know, no, not like grizzly bear. Oh, what a hairy, what is a grizzly dick? You know, like, you know, that one black man that died, you know, no, not really. Grizzly bear. Oh, what is a grizzly dick? You know, like, you know, that one black man that died, the meme that they used to use, that guy's dick. Oh, big beefy.

Starting point is 00:30:13 Yeah. Yeah, what was his name? That big guy, whatever. All right, what's the three wishes if you had a gene? Amigini, pfff. What can I do? I want to grant you a three wishes.

Starting point is 00:30:22 This is two different voices. Pfff. I'm a grandchee three wishes. That's your first wish, man. Yeah, voices. I'm a great chick. Three wishes. That's your first wish, man. Yeah, yeah. That's my first wish. Do go back. You only have two wishes left.

Starting point is 00:30:40 I like to be able to freeze time and be able to move around. You cannot add just freeze time. Good go. You have one left. And can I move around when I can? No, just freeze time. That's it. You don't get details. You don't get details.

Starting point is 00:30:55 Well, the third one that would be the fly. Done. You know what the hard part is with a genie? Because you would grant you the wish to fly doesn't mean you didn't Doesn't mean how fast doesn't how fast or you can land or all right You might just have to fall fly and fall Yeah, holy shit you're right. Well you can buy an airplane to get and fly That's interesting interesting interesting interesting interesting

Starting point is 00:31:21 What would your three wishes be? Judgeds gay three wishes be? Jetsky three wishes granted. Go true love. He throws up into the fucking bottle. Whatever. Right in the family. Okay, true love. Go.

Starting point is 00:31:35 And a second wish. Bring my childhood dog back from the dead. And third one. I just want to have enough money like a lot of money Wait, are you sure about your second choice? Child of duck just go to the pound I really have a dog I want to get away. Yeah, I would Roll your beard up three wishes really June's go be rich really really rich got it invisible You realize you're not asking to be able to turn it. You're saying you are invisible now

Starting point is 00:32:19 I want that you want to be rich and no one can see your money. You go to the bank. No, you can't see you You're mouth fucking money Well, I can just steal What you why would you have to be rich and then also then have still How it works yeah, you're invisible also imagine that she had like always see his floating money in your hands There's ghostly money floating around. Okay, okay. Can I take back my own?

Starting point is 00:32:48 No. The third one. That's the whole point. Well, the third one could be. Shh. Please don't be smart for her. For her. Kill everyone.

Starting point is 00:32:56 What? Shut up. What did I mean? See? And then I could have all the money. So wait a minute, time out. So you're invisible? This how dumb shit.

Starting point is 00:33:04 No one else is on our earth. She's the richest person in the world. She's invisible and nobody exists. That's insane. I want that. And all she had, Jesse figured out the whole is, all she had to do for the third wish is wish that she didn't wasn't invisible all the time. All you do is reverse the way.

Starting point is 00:33:17 No, but I want to be invisible. Okay, here you are invisible. Nobody can see you. Doesn't matter because nobody fucking exists. But you're the richest person on earth that no one can see, you don't exist. And there's no one on planet earth. And there's no one on planet earth.

Starting point is 00:33:30 Why do you even need money at that point? Yeah. I don't know, I wasn't thinking. Well, you're fucked. You're fucked. I hope you don't run into a genie anytime soon. Yeah. And you know what's so weird about that idea

Starting point is 00:33:40 that her thought process, her ideology of this? She wanted to be rich but totally alone. What would you do with all the money? I don't know. Let's say you're not invisible. Let's say we make you the richest woman in the world. Okay. And then what would you do with all the money?

Starting point is 00:33:55 I give some to my family. Okay, great. Okay, get through that. You got all the money to family. Get a lot of animals. Yeah, but you see you want to be alone and that's still being with somebody. So you can't have that. You have to be alone. You have to be super rich in alone. What are you gonna do? Just sleep all day and get fat. No, it was

Starting point is 00:34:14 epic then. No. Okay. Why that's what you want? Yeah, it's really sad. It's making you sad. Look, look, look, look, you know you're wrong. You know, that's not what you want. Who are your road models? It's hard for you to get a word out these days. Yeah, yeah. And I don't mean to word you. I don't mean, it's hard for you to get a word out these days. Roar, roar, roar, roar, roar, roar, roar, roar, roar. Dude, people that just came over today

Starting point is 00:34:44 from China speak better English Wait, I'm like my dog yawning You know when immigrants they come here back in the day and they they change their names because you know man Yeah, he'd be rural He gets to the border the first generations rural roll What you what you surname? He's like, Roro. All right, well done, Roro.

Starting point is 00:35:10 And then your great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, Spanish. What are you thinking of Spanish? What was in Spanish? Roll roll roll? No. What are you thinking? Who are your role models? Your role role models. Does it have to be like someone famous? No, your role model can be anybody. It can be your fucking mom. It could be someone you met years ago that influenced you that made you feel good. feel good. Can you get me a blanket and pillow for a second? No, she's a scry. My. I meant for you to only want to be rich and fat. Oh no. I was just

Starting point is 00:35:56 thinking about myself not at the Kali. That is your role model. Yeah. Kali Lala. Kali Lala. Okay. And she's not fat. She always works out. And so they say, that's what they say. I mean, I don't know. She's your role model. Right now. Okay, who else? No one.

Starting point is 00:36:14 When you were young, who did you look up to? When you were in the Philippines living in that cave, and you went outside to go collect berries for the winter. Who was your role model? You didn't look up to anybody. No. Good. And that's why she doesn't want to do anything.

Starting point is 00:36:31 Who was your role model? Probably my dad. My stepdad. My stepdad. You, because he was a great guy. And he had his life together. And I remember going over to his apartment. And put your fucking hand down.

Starting point is 00:36:44 I remember going to his apartment apartment and put your fucking hand up. I remember going to his apartment and he was like responsible. And he, you know, like he had, he had like, he had stuff. And we didn't really ever have a lot of stuff. So I was like, this guy's like a cool guy. He's got a job. He works hard. He cares. And he was, it was so nice to me. He didn't have to be nice to me.

Starting point is 00:37:04 He didn't have to be fucking nice to me He could have been like this lady's kid fucked this kid gives a shit, but he was he was nice He was super he did I said all the time about stepdad's not this shit And I'm not making a joke Fucking thank God for all the stepdad's that like care about a kid that isn't their fucking kid Because that you could have turned out so differently Yeah, dude, cuz I know a lot of friends of mine who had no relationship and then their stepdads were there. My buddy, one of my good friends, Tyler,

Starting point is 00:37:28 one of my closest best friends from growing up. His stepdad was a piece of shit. Piece of shit. Didn't pay him two fucking cents of the day. Didn't care about him. He was like, I already had kids. That's what you would say that to him. I already raised kids.

Starting point is 00:37:41 And he's like, my kids are grown, I'm not your fucking dad. And why would the mom be with that guy like that? Because she, I don't know. It's insane. But you don't know what she's going through, but it's like, this kind of stuff happens to people, I can't believe it. He was so dismissive, it was like, you know, yeah,

Starting point is 00:37:55 it was fucked up to watch. It was like, that guy's not fucking nice to you. He could be a little bit nicer, but he didn't give a shit because he's like, it's not my kid. Yeah, sometimes I'm on a dating app and they'll say, we have children and you'll see a photo of them and I look at the kids.

Starting point is 00:38:09 I don't know. No, thanks. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They have to be attractive. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not gonna get that big headed fucking mongol. All right, let's be real. Would you ever date a woman who had a kid like seriously?

Starting point is 00:38:18 100%. Would you and you think you'd be a Bobby Bappa? Papi Bappa? I would go to the softball game. Oh my god. For her, the daughter play softball or the son play softball? Whatever. Well, if the son play softball, I wouldn't go.

Starting point is 00:38:30 You really? Why? Because, oh, I see. I'd like baseball or nothing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. I would go to the games, the plays, you know what I mean? If they're at night.

Starting point is 00:38:39 Okay, I'm, I'm, I'm, look, you're dating my mom, all right? I'm getting, and you're the kid. And I'm a little kid, right? Am I driving? And I'm eight years old. Yeah, I'm driving. We're in dating my mom, all right? I'm dating, and you're the kid. And I'm a little kid, right? And my driving? And I'm eight years old, yeah. I'd be driving. We're in the car together.

Starting point is 00:38:47 Okay. Thanks, Mr. Lee for taking me out to dinner tonight. Dad. I can call you dad. Yeah. Daddy, thank you so much. You're welcome, Jim. Slim.

Starting point is 00:39:04 Slim? That's your name? Slim Jim. I'm named after the beef sticks. Oh, Jim. Slim. Slim? That's your name? Slim Jim. Slim Jim, yay. A name after the beef sticks. Oh, hello. Yeah. Where are we going to for dinner, Dad?

Starting point is 00:39:12 We just ate. Yeah, but that's fucking eight. But I eat like a hobbit. I have two dinners every now. Oh, that's right. That's right. You're just like your stepdad. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:39:20 We are just a lot. Yeah. Can I be Chinese like you one day? Yeah, yeah, you can. Okay, let's practice. All right, so take your fingers. Here, I'll just take the wheel and crash it. I'll tell you my role model.

Starting point is 00:39:35 Whoa. Danny. You making this up? No, I can't. You sound like you found it. No, I'll tell you why I paused on the last name. You might have forgot it. No, it's because you'll see when I tell the story.

Starting point is 00:39:50 No, okay. So when I was a junior in high school, I went to this rehab. It was my third one. It was called the McDonald Center. It was in La Jolla. Like McDonald's the company, corporation. I think so.

Starting point is 00:40:02 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. And during one of the sessions, like counseling sessions, I got, I've been to A meetings that I never see Asians in A A, because at the time you didn't. Yeah, they just kill them. You know, they're parents kill them. Their parents are like, yeah, if they're parents.

Starting point is 00:40:20 Droga, they, okay. Yeah, you look okay. You look okay. Right, they... Yeah. Okay. Yeah. You look broga, okay? Right. They kill you. It's terrible. So I go, there are no Asians in the...

Starting point is 00:40:30 I don't think there's alcoholics in the Asian. So the next day, I get a knock on my... I was in the hospital. And one of the counselors says, we have somebody in the lobby that wants to meet you. And I go in the lobby and there's this man standing there Korean full Korean Full Korean full full all the way yeah, we're in the long white hair right down the back of his Pack middle of his back tattoos to his wrists. Whoa, right. He looked like mortal combat

Starting point is 00:41:02 Okay, yeah, Luke hang and he walks it to me and he goes, hey, I'm Dan and I'm your sponsor. And he spoke, he was adopted when he was 12, came from Korea. So he knew Korean, so he can communicate with my parents. Wow. Right. And then Dan, my senior, the Powai High School School said that I had to do it in extra year. They go because you missed your whole day. We know why.

Starting point is 00:41:32 Yeah. It's not real. And Dan goes, no, no. He went to the school, this guy, and goes, what can we do to get him to graduate with his friends? They go, it's hard. He has to do a zero period, a lunch period, and night school. And he looks at me and he goes, you're doing all that.

Starting point is 00:41:52 So I did all that, and I graduated with my friends. Yeah, and then, yeah, I mean, he took me to this monastery and we, for two weeks, we lived in this, I sort of got. No, I know, but this part is weird for me Now you pay me back no because they would you know because in in the in the steps they talk about meditation and stuff So in this monastery you're not a lot of talk at all You can't talk at all. No one talked.

Starting point is 00:42:26 For how many days? For like a couple of weeks. I think we lived there. Rudy's gonna go there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I remember not talking, meditating. It was like a Buddhist monastery, but it wasn't like a Catholic.

Starting point is 00:42:39 You know what I mean? And I just learned all this stuff from him, you know? Well, the reason why I don't wanna see his last name is because of the A thing. Well, we'll blank it out. Just, no, you can say Dan and then blank out the last name. That's fine.

Starting point is 00:42:51 Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's revolutionary. What? That he changed your life like that. Have you ever changed somebody's life, you think? Oh yeah, through his can. Through his can. Yeah, Brian did say that.

Starting point is 00:43:02 Yeah. I mean, there's a lot of people that I have brought to my meeting. I have a meeting on Wednesdays. And I brought a lot of comics that are struggling there. If I showed up, would you be mad? Yeah. Why? Yes, I am.

Starting point is 00:43:18 No, you're not. Yes, I am. Yes. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha He is. Zockdock. You've been stirring about a health problem you have. You almost resort to texting your group chat to get your friends' opinions. Why would you do that when you have zockdock? Yeah, come on, man. We actually had somebody in our crew who I won't mention who said to me, hey, can you take

Starting point is 00:43:38 a look at this thing for me? And I did. And I said Carlos, everything is going to be fine. That's not that big of a deal. But you shouldn't trust me. You should do zockdock. Thousands of medical professionals are on zockdock. They is going to be fine. That's not that big of a deal, but you shouldn't trust me. You should do ZockDoc. Thousands of medical professionals are on ZockDoc. They're there to help you.

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Starting point is 00:44:12 I've used this many times. In fact, because I don't want to go to an urgent care and I don't have time to make an appointment. If it's something small and I say, Hey, I just want to speak to someone about something minor, like when I fell and I hit my head and Bobby laughed at me. I did not laugh. You did laugh, but I called Zock Doc. Thank God, and they helped me get the help that I needed

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Starting point is 00:44:46 Z-O-C dot com. Slash bad friends. Is zock. Dot com slash bad friends. Morgan and Morgan. Hey, Andrew, if you were in a car accident, who would you call Morgan and Morgan, of course, of course, right? A lot of people, you know, you want you want injury attorneys to be trustworthy.

Starting point is 00:45:03 Yeah. Right. And this is the eight this is a list stuff here. Well, here's the best part about Morgan and Morgan. So many people don't know where to turn or what to do or where to go when they get new in accent because they're like, do I have insurance? Is the other person pay? Do I have to pay? What is going on?

Starting point is 00:45:18 And Morgan and Morgan takes care of all of that. If you're ever injured, you can check out Morgan and Morgan. Submitting an injury claim with Morgan and Morgan is so easy, it's unbelievable. It's more like using an app than hiring a lawyer. That's how easy it is. Submitting a claim to Morgan and Morgan is as easy as pretending you didn't see

Starting point is 00:45:34 that 5 PM email from your boss. That's right. Morgan and Morgan is America's largest injury law firm. They have over 100 offices nationwide and more than 800 lawyers, that is so money. And they also have $15 billion for a couple of over clients. Morgan and Morgan has a proven track record

Starting point is 00:45:48 of finding to get you full and fair compensation. Plus they give us these amazing little Nike Air Force ones and they painted for us. And we saw billboards all over Florida for Morgan and Morgan promoting their business, making sure you get what you deserve if you're in an accident. If you're ever injured,

Starting point is 00:46:02 you can check out Morgan and Morgan. Their fee is free unless they win. For more information, go to forthepople.com slash bad friends or dial pound law, pound five to nine from your cell phone. That's for the people F O R the people.com slash bad friends or pound law, pound five to nine from yourself. There's a paid advertisement. Who's your, who was your role model?

Starting point is 00:46:24 I think in the sense of somebody who you aspire to be like, and I'm not just kissing ass, but you guys know, stop it. And so it's not so like like, you know, Anthony Jocelynic, Annie Letterman, like these people who've taken interest in me and kind of grown me as a comic, like, I want to be like that for someone else. I, yeah, and I also think your sobriety is like motivated me to try to like be a better person. And it's kind of inspiring that you strive to be better.

Starting point is 00:46:58 And she's getting a little, she's not getting sober, but she's, she's changing her lifestyle. I see it a little bit, yeah. I'm pacing myself. Yeah, changing a little bit. Yeah. In a good way, but she's changing her lifestyle. I see it a little bit, yeah. I'm pacing myself. Yeah. Changing a little bit. Yeah. In a good way.

Starting point is 00:47:09 When we had a conversation about it, and I said, if you think you need to clean out, clean out. And there's nothing wrong with that. And you, can I say something about you? I love it. Is your handling? I mean, I've been watching it from afar. And there was one show we did where there were still seating people.

Starting point is 00:47:23 I was really taught in the room. Oh yeah. But you still handle it in the most mature way. You're becoming a professional. And every night you're just doing so well. It is impressive. And I get to live through you because Andrew and I are jaded. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:47:41 That's true. You know what I mean? Sometimes I don't feel anything. Yeah. You know? Well, the first sometimes I don't feel anything. Yeah. You know? Well, the first part of their tour was so, like, party party, and it was so fun, but this, like, second and third leg of the tour, it's like, I just feel really focused on just, like, eating,

Starting point is 00:47:55 breathing, sleeping, like, getting better at stand-ups. It's the best way to do it. Coming home, doing spots at the store, I'm, like, training new door guys. Ugh. It's great. We don't feel nothing, but what we feel is, we love the fans and we love this. No, we love it.

Starting point is 00:48:09 I was being exaggerated. I was exaggerated. I know, but here's, but let's be honest. Do you want to be honest? I want to be honest. We've been doing it for a while. The moment when you're on stage connecting with the fans, nothing, it's the greatest thing on planet Earth.

Starting point is 00:48:21 Yeah. And the second you step off, it's like, I want to go back on. Yeah. And then the second, it's Yeah, and the second you step off, it's like it's I want to go back on yeah And then the second it's over or the second we're the morning we're traveling to and all that stuff it's you know I can we'll never be able to explain to people at home that listen to the show that whether they care or not What the the reason that? People have such highs and lows in our business is because the highs are so high

Starting point is 00:48:44 It's unexplainable, the way you feel. It's crazy. It feels fake. It feels like you're kind of, you're riding the biggest wave ever and it feels like it's never going to end. And it's, it's a little creepy. And what it does to your psyche is something very unique.

Starting point is 00:49:03 What I think is that, you know, I used to have the business try to fix me. So it feels like spiritual because, you know, you feel like, you know, these dopamine heads and people, you know, me and going, oh, you're killing it. And you know, you're around cool people, doesn't that. But you, what you realize is that it's just fake God. Fake God. Yeah, it's fake spirituality. It doesn't feel like the real thing, you know what I mean? And so what I've had to do is, you know, look at my life and go, this is what I do for

Starting point is 00:49:35 a living, and find spirituality, and find self-esteem, and all these other things that I need outside of that. Find your God. Yeah, yeah. And to really, and to think that, because a lot of my fears are like, I'm like, lose, when people try to cancel you and stuff, you feel like you're gonna lose all these things,

Starting point is 00:49:59 but then it's like, I got to a point where it's like, if those things leave, I'm still gonna be good. And that's where I wanna be. Because of investments. What do you mean? Because of other things. Yeah, I see money, I see my money, I see somebody. I'm kidding.

Starting point is 00:50:16 Yeah, yeah, my point, you know what I'm saying. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Is that, you're right, you're right, you're right, you're right. I don't know, I mean, if I didn't have that, maybe, I know. No, the point is, you're right, you're right. I don't know, if I didn't have that, maybe I don't know. No, the point is, you got comfortable with yourself enough to know that you're always gonna be okay regardless of what life throws at you.

Starting point is 00:50:34 Well, I know who I am, and I know how I feel about myself and the world. And do you know who you are, Rudy? No, and I'm like, stress out on it. Can we find you? I feel like I'm like stressed out about it. I feel like we need to help you find yourself. But it's hard because I feel like I don't have any interest in anything.

Starting point is 00:50:52 Get interested. How old are you though? 21, and it's so hard. I didn't find any interest until I was 23. But it feels like everyone around me knows who they are. Because everyone around me was much older. And it everyone around you is much older and it takes work Like I still I know who I am, but I still work every day like to work on myself and I promise your peers around you your age Do not know who they are but it feels like

Starting point is 00:51:16 They're all putting on an act because everybody wants to feel grown up and everybody wants to feel like they've got their life together But all of us at every age none of us have our shit together. We're all fledging through the same bullshit, trying to pretend like we know what we're doing. Fancy is a new dad pretending like he's fucking, he's got it figured out. He doesn't know shit. That kid doesn't even fucking like him and he doesn't even know. We're all falling through earth. We're falling through life.

Starting point is 00:51:40 I don't give a fuck how old you are. The oldest person I've ever met to the young to the young people We're they're all figuring it out. We're all fucking liars. Everyone pretends to be an adult There is no adult. It doesn't exist. We we make adultism make it but it's not real We pretend to be an adult. I literally feel like a kid. You are I know I am that's what's great. I and that's what's great. You are. I know I am. That's what's great. And that's what's great.

Starting point is 00:52:07 I'm not, you know, 51. I am. I feel 51. You do? I feel like I'm much older than you. Yeah. Yeah, I used to think everyone on the inside was like a kid on the inside, but you're not. You're a dad.

Starting point is 00:52:19 I'm a dad. Yeah. And I'm not a dad, but I'm just an old man. No, no, because you tap into your kidness and I do. I do. No, I do. So, no. No, I do. You're a kid I know but some but most of the day I'm the old man in the sea. You're responsible the only responsible person. What do you mean? What do you mean?

Starting point is 00:52:36 I'll tell you I'll tell you something I'm here tonight. Why? Why because I'm being responsible. I had other engagements, right? And I beat this is more important and I cancel a bunch of shit because of your fault Because you guys you didn't tell me that I had to work tonight, right? So who's a responsible soccer jersey as well. It's his fault Can you do me a favor? Yeah, will you call your assistant on the show and make up something insane and see if it'll actually happen? Like what just be like hey, I, I'm gonna need you to go. Oh no, I feel bad.

Starting point is 00:53:07 Go look for band-aids and it's a specific, it's skin, and go, hey, I want skin-colored band-aids. Great Asian, Asian color. Asian color and find them. Because I know that, do they make them? Hello. Hey Melanie. Hi.

Starting point is 00:53:23 How are you? Good, how are you? Okay, I'm not really um I was in a car thing accident. Oh no. Yeah and um I got a gouge on my shoulder. Oh my god. Yeah and I need um skin colored bandids. Okay. Yellow. If they have Asian ones. What?

Starting point is 00:53:54 Would do they have them? Because if you give me black ones, I don't want to look like, you know, uh, Denzel, like I'm a part of my body to look like Denzel. Oh my gosh. No, I'll look and see if they have skin colored bandids, but I don't know. I'll look. Maybe if you go to little Tokyo, little Tokyo. It's a gouge. Oh my god. Yeah. Are you okay? Why can't feel my right side of my body? If I go to the hospital Yes, but do you think that they have yellow yellow bandids? I

Starting point is 00:54:30 Don't think that that should be your concern. I think that you should get that like stitched Are you're on the podcast? Do you think they make yellow bandages? I'm kidding. I love you, Melanie. I have fun. I love you. We love you.

Starting point is 00:54:51 What a roller coaster. I love you, my. She's the best. You know why we wanted to see the, we were gonna send her on an errand for the people at home. Do you have an assistant? No. What about a little kid?

Starting point is 00:55:01 The reason, McCone is more of your assistant. Let me tell you something. What we did. You sent him on a wild goose chase and it was kind of fucking hilarious. We had to leave Where were we? Jacksonville. We were trying to leave Jacksonville and Bobby said I said where are you? I called I said where are you dude? We got it. We're leaving soon and he goes Bobby said he wanted ear plugs really bad and and and Bobby said, we, I gotta go get them.

Starting point is 00:55:26 This kid went to five pharmacy locations. Yep. Ubered around town to find you earplugs. Yep. Couldn't find them. And then, after not finding them, did find them, finally, then took an Uber, took his like fifth Uber to a hotel that wasn't our hotel across the river.

Starting point is 00:55:44 Okay. And we had to pick him up out front and I said, how did you end up at this hotel? And he goes, I didn't know there was more than one Marriott in this city. I know. He's a little slow on the upswing. You get what you pay for. That's the fact.

Starting point is 00:56:01 That's the fact. That is the fact. I want to say this all right every Pharmacy has ear plugs every single one Yes, right? Andre not the kind not the wax kind that you requested every single one on planet earth. Wait a minute The foam ones. Yes, you're saying wax you requested wax ones every fucking pharmacy has a wax one wax is tough Because I was tough I was tough. I was 18 years old I've been using fucking wax ear plugs, right? I've gone to pharmacies all over the planet earth

Starting point is 00:56:33 Thailand they have it and I found them I got I got there Well don't make it so I went to nine different places. Do you want to one place? Let's call I'm gonna call pharmacies see if they have them have that. I'm going to call the two around us. Let's see if he's right. Thank you for choosing Walgreens. This is Kristen. How can I help you? Hey, Kristen.

Starting point is 00:56:51 This is Marcus. I'm looking for, I have terrible, I can't sleep at night and I'm looking for ear plugs and I've been just scouring the earth to find wax ear plugs like base wax. Do y'all have wax ear plugs? Wax ear plugs, let me check for you sir. Thank you. We'll see. So, we'll see.

Starting point is 00:57:16 Because you keep telling me everybody's got them, I don't think everybody's got them. We call them Walgreens right now just to find out. We call them Walgreens right now just to find out. I hope they do. They're not called wax earplugs. Yeah, they call, call, where, what would they be called? They're called, I'm gonna look them up. They're called wax earplugs. No, they're called, um...

Starting point is 00:57:36 Look at that, wax earplugs. That's what it is. That's what it is. I got you. Wax earplugs. Ooh, loop-quiet ear plugs. That looks nice. They're like silicone ear plugs. No, they're wax.

Starting point is 00:57:50 They're molding. Silicone is what I wanted. They're made of wax. Oh, we're silicon. We don't carry the wax ones. We carry the foam ones, but we're out of stock. So, the foams are gone as well. Wait, it's silicone. Oh, what about silicone? Is it no just it's just phone, huh?

Starting point is 00:58:07 Right, just phone, but we're out of stock. You're out of everything anyway. Everyone's got it. Everyone needs them in their ears idea. God damn it. Thank you I'm calling. No, I'm calling. I'm calling. Not only that they not have them. They didn't even have the phone And I said everyone carries foam. Yeah, not everyone carries wax, but everyone can't let me say something right now. I was believer Believe it you think she's a liar. Yeah, it's a fucking liar. She's how she sounded like a liar. Yeah Yeah, she's a fucking liar. Oh, I'll go check. Yeah, she didn't check There's no way they don't have it. Yeah, there's no way they don't have it. You'd be surprised. No, you're surprised They don't have it. Yeah. There's no way they don't have it.

Starting point is 00:58:42 You'd be surprised. No, you're surprised. I am. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired.

Starting point is 00:58:49 You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired.

Starting point is 00:58:57 You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're plugs. Number two, which you never completed.

Starting point is 00:59:06 You know what number two was. Number two was getting him a spit cup. No, no, no, no. That was it. You know what, one of the, one small talk. I fucking hate it. He doesn't like it. This is him.

Starting point is 00:59:18 How was your meal? Who gives a fuck? He did ask you some really, really fucking stupid question. And also when I'm not looking at you stop looking at me Look at his doing right now. Yeah, I'm at dinner right and I look over and McConaughey's looking at me. I fucking hate it It's fucking you know what it's your fault, too. You give him caviar. You gave him caviar I fucked it up. I already know I fucked it up. Thank you. I gave him fucking I Air pods I got him fucking caviar. caviar.

Starting point is 00:59:45 And then, yeah, I fucked you up, dude. You should never be like this. We did fuck you up, and I'm sorry about it. And I will say this, it's been amazing having Rudy back in the studio. Do we need her back ever again? Yes. I'm not sure.

Starting point is 00:59:59 Yes. Oh, okay, yes. Yes. Don't fucking win set me, buddy. Don't win set me. I asked you to maybe bring us story bring us story I said I told you all the stories on the last episode What was the what was the story from the last episode the shooting

Starting point is 01:00:18 What shooting what shooting And what a good is this wait a minute what shooting story? What are you talking about? The guy that started to shoot the school. Oh yeah, great story. You brought trauma to the show. Not like, hey, a cool thing happened to me. There's not a story from your homeland that you can tell like a folklore.

Starting point is 01:00:39 It was a whole lore, yeah, I don't know. Give me a folklore. Well, here we go. What about the island? Isn't there an island in the There's so many islands. What are you? Let me see what I'm saying like this. I like that there's 7,000 islands I know but isn't one of the islands with witches and stuff

Starting point is 01:00:55 Island it's part of Cebu and Sikki Hor is the name Sikki Hor. Yeah, that was one of my girlfriend's nicknames She had lesions out of fuck. Snatch. It's like a it's like a three-hour drive from my home and then when you go there they say there's a lot of witches and then that's where you get like like people to heal you if you're sick or if you're feeling like Wait, is that Kalo? That's a sickie whore witch. Uh-huh. Yeah By the way, she just looks like a sickie whore. Sickie whore. Witchism. She's just smoking a blind

Starting point is 01:01:36 Dope rap name. Yeah, yeah, sickie whore witch in the smother fuck. Yeah, look at her Well, well, I'm glad Thank you for the information about sickie whore.icks. Look at him. Look at him. Look at what's in her hand. Probably tell us what that is on the hand. Alcohol and beads. Yeah. Carlos knows all too well. Yeah. You know what, you know what for punishment? Carlos, what I would like actually. This is fun. Here's a bit for the crowd.

Starting point is 01:02:03 And I'm dead serious. Punishment for what? Huh But it's for what? Huh? Punish for what? Pick pick one. I mean at this point pick one. Yeah, yeah. Can we just knock out two at once?

Starting point is 01:02:13 No. No, okay. I'm dead serious for the San Diego show. Not kidding even a little bit. When you get to San Diego. When you're on the side stage before we call you out to say hello. Yeah, I want you to Put anal beads in your butt and on the live show

Starting point is 01:02:33 Bobby and I are going to rip them out Okay, okay, okay. Does that hurt? It's gonna done it juicy We're gonna make it and I don't want bullshit marble anal beads. I want sizeable ones. And the fun the deeper it is the funnier it is. If it's one bead it's not. I'm not gonna do one. We got to hear 15. So I have to I have to like clean out my asshole first, right? No. No. Okay. Okay. Yeah. But I'm dead serious if there's less than 10 beads in there fired. I want the beads to be white. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, yeah, but I'm dead serious if there's less than 10 beads in there fired. I want the beads to be white No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no What would happen if you put a firecracker in your anus and lit it on fire? Let's try it with Carlos. Yes. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:03:26 Whatever it is. Yeah. Would you do that? No. Why? That sounds dangerous. Johnny Knoxville would do it. Yeah, Johnny would do it. Yeah, don't you want to be like Johnny Knoxville?

Starting point is 01:03:34 Don't you want to be Johnny Knoxville? All right, fine. That would probably be it. That a boy. Yeah. McCone would do something like that. McCone, we're going to let a fire work in your asshole. That's Korean. That's, oh, he's down.

Starting point is 01:03:42 No, I think you would blow your asshole apart. Well, let's do an M80. Oh my god What's the M80? It's a thick. It's like a half a stick of dynamite We can Wiley Coyote It's a quarter. Yeah, it's a quarter. That's what an M80 is so fun dude M80s are fucking brutal so Because they say if you hold on M80 and you let your handle blow up. Yeah, of course. What do you mean?

Starting point is 01:04:06 Blow your hand right up. Look at that thing. Probably finding an asshole though. Yeah, for sure. What do you do? What do you do? What about a Roman candle and then he could shoot it out of his ass. That's what we should do with the Ampitheater in San Diego.

Starting point is 01:04:18 Roman candles out of your butt because that's not unsafe for the other side. Let's 100% get those. Please, you can put the one end in your butt, the other end shoots out. You sure you know what I got this sandie I got? It's obviously a firehouse, but I would do it anyway. No we're outside. You know, some states are lucky. They sell firework. California does not. Yeah, it's illegal here. It's illegal. You can go to Nevada, right? Doesn't Nevada

Starting point is 01:04:40 have fireworks? Yeah, but usually like in Compton or something on 4th of July, you can get them. What are you saying? What them. Whoa, what are you saying? What are you saying? What are you saying? I've got them there on Fourth of July. That's what I'm saying. You go to Compton for fireworks. I went to Drew League one year and it was down there

Starting point is 01:04:52 on Fourth of July and I grabbed fireworks from some black kids. I paid them money. Why did you have to put the last part in there? Yeah. That's really the best thing. Yeah, why you have to call them kids? Yeah, well not everyone lives in Compton, but yeah, no, I just want to add more color to the story

Starting point is 01:05:05 Can you imagine hard they would roast him? You know when he goes down to Compton? No, I feel like he would they would know him Carlos Carlos is here. Yeah, ain't it be Carlos is here man No, I do head nods at people ABC ain't will be Carlos. There come ABC. Oh you do head nods. I do head nods Yeah, yeah, let me see I had not so him and I are 13 sure red light right red light So bro, so bro. Yeah, what up? Oh, I don't know little shaky. I don't know where you from dog. Oh, I live in West, Hollywood were you gay? Oh, no

Starting point is 01:05:43 Why the oh, though? No, you know, because sometimes you don't ever know we don't know we don't know got you No, I think gangsters they like me. Yeah, I think gangsters like me Who me I'm pretty sure gangsters like me. Oh, let me see if my what-up is good you guys are a hardcore gang you two yeah What oh you look nervous Because they were confused that's what happens they try to Say something you're the gang. No, we don't we're the gang you're supposed to say no because we set stay in character. Oh, yeah What's up? What up? I? Just ask you what's up

Starting point is 01:06:23 What was my what up? Okay, I'm sorry. Who's this? You have a gun? No, it's just my fingers. I'm just pointing at him. Oh, it is. Bra, bra, you mute?

Starting point is 01:06:35 Bra, bra, bra. Bra, bra. Bra, you mute. She asked you a question. You just went to mine, school dog. There he is. That's pretty good, actually. So should we stab these guys?

Starting point is 01:06:51 Mm. All right, everybody. Thank you for being a bad friend. Bad friend. Yeah Woo Yeah Woo Yeah Woo Woo

Starting point is 01:07:14 Yeah Yeah you

Bad Friends - Ooh La La!

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