Bad Friends - R2D2 & C-3PO Are Fathers

Episode Date: January 23, 2023

Thank you to our Sponsors: https://hellofresh.com/badfriends21 & https://displate.com/badfriends code: BADFRIENDS & Get 90% off RexMD with our exclusive link -> RexMD.com/BADFRIENDS! #rexmdpod & http://hellotushy.com/badfriends YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube Audio Subscribe: https://apple.co/31Jsvr2 Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com 0:00 R2D2 and C3PO Are Dads Now 6:44 Bobby's Experience with Barbie Dolls  12:55 Fancy Gets in Trouble & The Truth About Comedians  21:44 Rudy Crashes the Party 24:57 Andrew Talks to His Biological Dad 34:29 Rudy Explains Why Babies Don't Like Bobby 40:53 The Foreign Discount  48:00 Andrew Doesn't Get Rick and Morty 51:36 Bobby and Andrew's Worse Audition Moments 57:33 Did Someone Die Watching the New Avatar Movie? 1:05:44 The Oldest Man in the World & The Tombstones You Can't Miss More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger:  https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino  Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Juicy Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jetskijohnson/?hl=en More Rudy Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendrudy More Fancy Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fancyb.1 More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/   Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod   Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom  Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: 7EQUIS https://www.7equis.net/ Podcast Producers: Andrés Rosende & Pete Forthun This video contains paid promotion. #bobbylee #andrewsantino #badfriends Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You two are bad friends! Who are these two idiots? Why, dude? I'm an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. Well, you two are something. We're bad friends. Guess what? We invited a little roach here today to be at the studio.

Show yourself. A little piece of scumbag from the tiger belly bird. Look at this mullet hauling scumbag. Oh, yeah, yeah, the roach. There he is, with his new baby. Isn't it funny to see these two guys together? These two guys are dads. Yeah, basically, in the Star Wars universe,

who are they? R2-D2 C3 people. Right, aren't they? Yeah, just buffoons. Buffoons, just foolishness. I mean, the little one... 100%. You are R2-D2, for sure. And you're as annoying as C3-Piotr.

Yeah, George, that is true. Every time, even as a kid, I was like... Boo! I hated it! George, do your best C3-Piot impression. Well, I believe you've talked too much, Andres. That sounds like you, and that is him. Yeah, well, the English accent is gone. Yeah, but it's fine.

Can you do a British accent? I thought that was a British accent. Now the roach is back. And also, one of the sharpest dressed cats in town... that I've ever seen. Was that your cat? That's your cat? Yeah.

Okay, come on. That's how a cat sounds to you? Yeah, that sounds better. Wait, what kind of cat is it? Is it a house cat, or I feel like you're doing like a... That's a barn cat, for sure. Something feral. Have you ever raised a cat?

Not like... Have you seen a cat? Yeah, I've had cats in my house. Oh, you have? I'm more of a dog person, but my sister had a cat growing up. Is somebody more of a dog person? No, there's some... people are cat people. No, I know, but you know, those people are...

He's not more of a cat person. He built a cat sanctuary for like 50 grand. Shut the fuck up, man. You did. I did, but shut the fuck up, it wasn't 50 grand. They're probably... they're scratching posters. They don't go out there. Well, how much was it?

They don't go out there. Is it done, finally? They're gonna look through it and they won't go through it. And then I go, it's 20 grand! 20 grand. Can I live in it? It's outside, but sure. Yeah, but it's a free spot.

Actually, you do have to pay rent. I was gonna say... We gotta get her in her own place, so can it be in your little cat sanctuary? Yeah, okay. But you have to dress up like a cat. Really? Just have cat nip on your body so the cats go out there. I don't want them in my house.

They won't go out there. But it's a bummer they just don't go out. I know, but you know what? That's how it goes. That's the way the ball rolls, baby. You do something and something doesn't happen. So you just have to let the world just let it happen on its own. Like with kids and stuff, right?

You have a baby on the way. You have two now, George. And in your head, you have dreams for them, correct? Oh, big dreams. It's never gonna work out. They're gonna go the opposite direction. No, my son is on the CEO track. That's my plan for him.

No, his son, what do you think? Artist. What is his son gonna turn into? Janitor. Maybe. CEO of a janitor company. He's on the entrepreneur track. He might be the janitor of a CEO's office.

No, he's the janitor at Netflix corporate. But he tells girls that he works for Netflix. Kind of he does. Yeah, but he's that douchebag. That's good. Your son's gonna be a janitor. At Netflix. Your daughter is gonna what?

Only fair. No, no, no. Yeah. But she's gonna have free subscriptions. She won't even charge. Including Bobby's. I would kill myself. Would you really kill yourself?

If it was free subscriptions. We can only hope. If she's doing poorly at selling herself, then you'd be bummed. But let's say she's one of the top 1%ers on OnlyFans, your daughter. I'd be a little embarrassed at first, but three months in I'd start bragging to everybody about it.

That's right. What is this feeling? If your daughter is on OnlyFans, she's like, dad, I'm just doing bikini shots and stuff, and then you subscribe and she's actually doing insertion. What is this? I wanna know what that feeling is like.

Why are you subscribing? Because you would investigate. I think my daughter's lying to me. But she can see who subscribes. No, you create a different name. So you've done this. No, I don't have a name. But you've subscribed to OnlyFans on her fake names.

No, it's under Bobby Lee. Everybody knows. Why do you do it under your name and not under another person's name? I don't want you to ask that question. I know why. You like to get recognized. I have truth. That is such a full truth.

Yes, that's a full hard on. That is an absolution. You get a boner when people know that you're present. It's not that. In my twisted head, since I'm single, I think, oh, maybe I have a chance. With the girl on OnlyFans. But you know, they're not even doing those.

They're not running those accounts. I know. I realize that now. It's like Teenage Boy. Do you not know this? No. They're like, I don't know. I know a girl who chats for other girls. And she gets paid a fuckload of money to chat because every time they chat,

it's like 20 bucks. A girl, you know? Yeah, so it's me. Big fucking deal. But sometimes they'll have these broad... You'll get a message, right? And they do these broad messages. What are you doing tonight, baby? And the first time that happened, I responded as if

it was specifically to me. I have two shows. One at the left. And then, like, nothing back. And then I realize, oh, no, it's just, like, this gigantic, broad thing. But what if it was her? You got to keep responding just in case.

One day it's going to be them. You think that I'm going to go, I'm going to have two shows, and they're going to be like, oh, cool, can I get tickets? I'd love to go. You never know. Maybe, maybe. If it was a teenage boy, they would definitely be, like, talking to him for Bobby. That's right.

How many girls are you subscribed to? Or have you subscribed to? Ten, maybe. There are all people I know, though. Ten's a lot. I know. Is it? Well, I'm zero, so I think ten is a lot to me. But I am subscribed when they're liars.

What do you mean? How do they lie? They lie. When they say, like, you're going to get more of this and this, and they don't get it. They'll go, hey, do you want to see my breasts? And then you... $50. I know. And then you press it, and it's, like, them still in a bikini,

and you're like, I could have saw that in your Instagram. You're a liar. And I always call corporate... There's a liar over there. Hello, OnlyFans corporate. Hi, Bobby Lee here. One of our top subs. Thank you.

This is not my complaint, but can I get verified? I need the blue check mark. Can you tell us some of the recent credits that you've got in television or film? Yeah, I'm on the Bad Friends podcast. That's pretty good. Thank you. But that's not going to get you all the way there. Anything else? I open for Tom Segura.

Yeah, one more. Maybe one more. Yeah, I did a Michael Bay commercial. How long ago? 25 years ago. Okay. All right, sir, well, then tell us what's the problem. What's going on with OnlyFans that you're upset about?

Oh, yeah, so I spent $50 on this girl, and she said, do you want to see my breasts? And I'm like, well, she doesn't respond to me because she always says, like, what are you doing tonight? And then I always say, like, I have two shows, and she doesn't respond. But anyway, my point is, is that I spent $50, and there was just a breast, and it was the same photo as in Instagram, so I paid $50 for no reason.

Mm-hmm. That's false advertising. Sure is, yeah. Thanks for calling. Bye. That's it. How could you win? There's no way to win. Could you imagine trying to file a lawsuit saying that you're, you know, the false advertising? I didn't see the nipple. Because tits are tits.

The breast is still a breast. You got to be specific. You got to say, can I see your nipples? Oh, I see. So do you want to see my nipples, and then... You want to see my nipples on my tits? Yeah. Right. Well, I mean, what if she has no bra? She might have nipples. But there was no nipples. It was just the breast part.

Kind of cool. Like, there was some sort of accident that happened. And she had her nipples. Oh, that's cool. That's kind of cool. Yeah, because it's like, you know how sometimes you take the eyebrows off of photos from people, and they look different? Yeah. Maybe when the nipples are gone, it completely looks like a different thing. They look like a balloon.

Yeah, yeah. They might look different. Yeah. I don't know. I kind of... What about the vagina? Like, if the vagina had, like, no lips. Or like a dick... No? What do you mean? Like a dick coming out of it. It was a lipless vagina?

Yeah, yeah. Would that change the... It would change the look of it. I'm thinking about it right now. I know what you guys are describing. What? A Barbie doll. Yeah. Barbie dolls don't have openings. I've tried. That's what I'm saying. To look. To look? No.

I've seen a Barbie before, and I look, and I go, it's just like a flesh. Crack her legs open. She's not a chicken. You just crack it? Out of anger. There's no vagina. But you're right, Barbie dolls do have... Barbies have smooth tits, no nipples. And they have a slope. Yeah.

Jews, did you have Barbies? I actually used to bury my Barbie dolls. Well, sounds like a story time. Go ahead. I don't know why. I would cut their hair, and then they'd look weird, and I'd go, you know, I grew up in the desert. So it was like the suburbs, but the backyard was all dirt.

And I'd just go back there and bury them. And then my dog would go and dig them out and chew them up, and my mom would see. Do you know why? You dog did that? Make it dirty, chew it up. My God, dude. This is like domershit.

Well, I got it out of my system. That's right. Because your dog knew they were still alive. That's right. And then she did dog it here. Oh. Yeah, my dog's my best friend, so she was like, I better finish them. How many Barbies did you bury in the backyard?

I would say like three to five. Three to five. I didn't have like an unlimited amount. But wait a minute, so you got bought these, and was your mom never like, what happened to your dolls? I think we just laughed about it. She was scared to ask me. I don't know. I should ask her more.

I used to do that too. I used to bury little toys. She definitely thought it was weird. Do parents have inventory of what they bought the kid? Like, I don't know if it as a parent, I'd be like, oh, what happened to the PlayStation that I bought my son three years ago? Well, PlayStation's a pretty obvious one. That one's a big one. Or the ball.

Well, balls, no. But Barbie dolls, if she only had five of them and they were all gone, at one point your mom would be like, did you use them Barbies? That's right. What happened to fucking Barbies? Do you have limits on what you're allowed to buy your kids? Like, do you have a discussion with your wife over like, can't get too many gifts and all that stuff?

Also, get off the Apple box. I want you at ground level. I try to, but she keeps on buying stuff. I got into a Montessori. Ooh, congratulations. And then I did a half a day of research and I told her we need to have a Montessori household. And then she keeps buying other things. What is a Montessori? It's a school.

It's like a Catholic school almost. No, no, it's where smart kids go. So how do you know? How do you know your kid is a smart kid? Well, no, you make things small for kids so like they have little tables. It's all things like it's very kid centric but treating them as adults.

Isn't Montessori like a, it's a school but it's religious based? No, but this is more just like training them here. Let me just stop talking and look it up. Training them. How are you training your child? So it's a lot of wood, natural stuff.

Wood? What? Montessori toys. It's a cult. It sounds like a cult. It sounds like a baby cult. Well, for smart babies, yeah. How do you know your baby is smart? We don't know that yet. He knows twice as many words as normal kids at his age. He's a genius. Who would say that? Who told you that?

Well, every time we go to see the doctor it's like, how many words has he been saying? Like 40. Oh, well, usually kids are speaking 20 words this time. So you're lying. You're lying your way into a Montessori. Right. You lied. And he's okay with it. Were you going to unfollow him?

He just lied to you. Yeah, you're a liar, dude. Just like those girls, unfollow. But he wants, I guess he wants to believe that. Well, here's the deal. Part of the growth of a child that we've seen is that the support from the parents makes them believe

that they can do something. So he's tricking his kid into thinking he has the ability to do a lot of stuff. I'm praising him as a genius. Honestly, it might work to a degree until they take a test. But the ones they realize they're not, they go into great depression. They go into comedy.

What did you just say? What? What did you just say? Would you just say filmmaker? We called you the f-word. Did you just say filmmaker? You think you're so great? Piece of shit.

I'm not doing the short. We work with scumbags. I'm not on the short note. That's interesting though. No, comedians. Selfish, insecure, attention-needing,

people-pleasers who see the world in a weird way, can't explain it when they're young, then they get old enough to realize I can make money off how strange my brain is.

That's probably my greatest assessment of what I think most comedians are. I disagree. I think it's being there's some trauma. I don't think everybody has trauma. I know, but I'm just saying, the comedians that I like.

All trauma. Not some trauma, but also being... You like her, she's no trauma. I know, but that's why she's great on the show. No, but I mean, in general, she's a great comic who's not... You know, I'm not saying that all comedians that are good come from that background.

It's the comedians that I tend to gravitate toward. There's something going on, or some abandonment, you know? Or daddy issues. You're like, you know, normal. You are probably the most normal comic I know.

Where you grew up in a very healthy... I grew up with a lot of adult figures in my life, but it was always full of love. My parents were divorced, so we moved probably between the two of them 20 times. And I moved four schools.

So I've had a lot of change, and not a normal upbringing, whatever that is, but I've always felt loved. As a kid, would they... If you had feelings, would they listen to your feelings? I think yes and no. My biggest thing was just because my parents

are divorced, I'd never be with all my family at the same time. You went up to your mom and you went, mom, I'm feeling sad today. Yeah. What would she say? You're 24, stop talking like that. If you were sad today. If I was sad, my mom would be like,

don't smile. Don't smile. And then she'd start cycling me. Reverse psychology. My dad, this is my dad. Daddy, I feel sad today. Oh yeah? My dad would say to us,

something like that. Or he would just go, no, no. And then walk away. And I'd go, oh, my feelings don't count. Right. We grew up in a... We don't really talk. Irish people just don't talk about their feelings.

It's the weirdest. It's weird, we don't say it. Nobody says anything. That's why the Asians and the Irish... Get along. Get along because of the railroads. There's got to be some connection there. There's got to be some really deep connection. Well, because we're a suppressed culture as far as

we're not supposed to talk about our feelings. We're supposed to be quiet. Well, you were an oppressed people. You know what you guys do? You'll never see an Irish person or a Korean cry in public. Never seen that.

I don't even know if Irish people can cry. Yeah. Because if they do, they do it inside their house Yeah. Because it's just a cultural thing where it's like, don't show people that you're weak.

It's like a working class attitude. You can't show them that you're hurt or you're down. I remember my grandmother died. I saw my dad and I go, hey dad. And he goes, grandma died. And then he just walked away. Like there's no tears or anything.

I was like, oh. It's so abrupt. It's so abrupt. It's just sometimes culturally, people aren't emotionally. The phrase, I've said this on the show, the phrase that always bothered me if I said to my parents,

this and this and this and I'm bummed about this and this and this. And my parents, both of them, would be like, it'll be all right. Dude, it's so mean. It's so weird. It'll be all right. It's like, okay. But as a kid,

I recall still a self-awareness as a kid thinking, this is weird. Oh no, I knew. That thought process of like, because you watch TV, I knew that Leave It To Beaver was

completely fake. But I had such the opposite extreme. I knew that there was a middle ground there and I didn't have it. It was like that. You had it. It's so fun. Yeah, no. I think we could all use that a little bit more.

More middle ground. That's why you're such a pleasant person. I think so. I think a lot of the trauma is by people around me. So I like... Oh. Well, look who just showed up. Wait a minute, Bob. A half an hour late.

It's unbelievable. It's 4 o'clock. She's gonna blame it on me. It was all her fault. Andre said 4. What, did you? Yeah. So whose fault is it?

It's so it's your fault. He was like, she's gonna blame it on me. You're C3PO. That's a C3PO move, dude. Yeah, you're not R2-D2. Hello, Fresh. With Hello, Fresh, you get farm fresh pre-porscheon ingredients and seasonal recipes

delivered right to your doorstep. Skip trips to the grocery store and count on Hello, Fresh to make home cooking easy, fun and affordable. That's why it's America's number one meal kit. So let me tell you something. Bob and I have both been getting Hello, Fresh for quite a long time now. Love it.

And it's so, so good, okay? They've got festive fair collection features, limited time recipes, seasonal produce and premium proteins. They got fast and fresh recipes, which that's I like the most because, you know, here's what's going on. And if you want these meals with robust flavors and filling portions that are ready

in less than 15 minutes, you have to try Hello, Fresh. Yeah, 100%. Here's what I feel like a chef when it comes. Because you finally get to cook with the right ingredients. None of the right ingredients. It tastes like Michelin star food. Well, when you and I do it, it does.

And it should be for you too. Skip that snowy schlep to the grocery store and stock up on snacks, sides, desserts and much more at Hello, Fresh Market. You can get free samples and sweets to your weekly order. And they'll arrive at your doorstep along with your meals. It's incredible. Right to your door. You're not going to go anywhere.

You're going to get fresh, pre-portioned ingredients. Go to hellofresh.com slash badfriends21 and use code BADFRIENDS21 for 21 free meals plus free shipping. That's right. Go to hellofresh.com slash badfriend21. Use the code BADFRIENDS21 for 21 free meals plus free shipping.

Hello, Fresh America's number one meal kit. Displayed. When I was a kid, I'd have posters on my wall. Me too. And over the years, they deteriorate. Yeah, they go away. They get yellow from the sun. Yellow, it's weird. Now there's display. Look at the stuff, right? Look at this.

And listen, you can hear it. It's all metal. This is metal, bro. And what you do is you put these modules on the wall and you just stick them to the wall. And look at how cool that looks. This is some of our wonderful artwork that's made by fans and friends and our family. And this is so great, man.

They got branded and artistic artwork at Display. They have over one million designs available for everyone, including official designs from brands like Marvel, DC, Star Wars, Netflix, NASA and games and movies abound. Plus bad friend stuff, which is incredible. Display also delivers its products worldwide in only four to five business days.

It's a perfect alternative for standard paper posters that often get damaged and it doesn't leave marks on the wall. Well, they're eco-friendly. That's why you and I like them the most because for every design sold, they're planting a tree. Don't you love to breathe? I love it. Use the link in the description or go to display.com slash bad friends. That is D-I-S-P-L-A-T-E dot com slash bad friends.

Use that code bad friends to check out. To get 22% off for one to two displays or 33% off for three or more displays. Display, collect your passions. Rude. Hi, I just woke up. I can tell you what's going on.

Put on your phone, put on them cans. Four o'clock, so you did come on the right time. But Fancy B fucked it up once again. Yeah. This is the thing with this show. Sometimes it's cute. That it's chaos and crazy. Other times, the guy puts on a fucking jacket

and a collared shirt, but he can't tell when the people are supposed to be here. How do we trust? There's no trust. How do we trust? Congratulations, Argentina, by the way. Congratulations. Amazing. God bless Messi. God bless him. He deserves it. Greatest of all time? Yeah, I think so.

Greatest of all time? I think so. I mean, the argument is Ronaldo or him, Cristiana Ronaldo. Yeah. I mean, Ronaldo has a better record. But Messi. But Messi is funner to watch. Messi, Messi, Messi, Messi.

I think we should still talk about family and all that. Oh, yeah. Do you want family stuff? This is how much he doesn't talk about his feelings. He's like, let's go to sports. You went from real, real talk to sports. Well, because

sports is family to me. I know, but there's a problem there. I know. All right, you want to talk about family then? Go ahead. I mean, I get the, maybe the moments slots, I don't know. Well, why do you try to go back? Well, I think she fucked it up. Who, Rudy? Yeah, walking in late.

But it sounds right, that's what she does. You know, here's my thing. Well, let's do it real fast before we show this. Okay. Rudy, how do you feel about the way you were raised? Were you happy? Um, I don't know. Were your dad abandoned you? Yeah. Yeah, but I get it.

What do you mean? No, I understand that. I mean, you look at her and you're like... It's hard to stand. I can't stand. I mean, like my dad, he left. He left and did drugs and went to prison because it was like, what do I choose? Cocaine? Or raise this little red head? Mmm. Cocaine.

Nah. Cocaine. Cocaine? Yeah. A little red headed boy? I didn't know that. A little freckly faced, ugly red headed boy. One look at that and you'd go, I'm going to go do cocaine. I would do heroin. That's what I'm saying.

Well, you have to start somewhere. I would just disappear. Well, that cocaine gets you there. Yeah. Cocaine is basically... Does your dad... He's still alive, right? Yeah, he's alive. I thought, please. Just even going here. No, I push the mic with my chin.

I do it all the time. Was it your dad's dick? Yeah, he's alive. Yeah. Does he... You talked to him? Yeah, sometimes. Is he proud of you? Yes. Is there guilt? What do you mean? Do I... Does he feel guilt for not raising you?

You know, I'm not him, but I assume for sure. Yes. There's something there. I think for sure he's sad that we're two different... You know, we're... I'm a grown man. He's a grown, older man. And he sees me now as an independent vehicle,

so we're two people just in space. Let me ask you this. If your dad called you, your biological dad... That's who we're talking about, yeah. I know, yeah. And he's like, what does he call you? Andrew. Ann. Ann? Ann. Aw.

Makes me sad. He was Ann? Ann? Yeah. Ann, I'm going through a little difficulty. Can you... Do it with the Chicago accent. Hey, Ann. Yeah, all your accents are the same. What? It's one thing. Well, give me a Chicago...

Do your... Do a Chicago thing, and then I'll... So I can get my mind wrapped around it. Ann is dead. Ann is dead. Let me do the best I can. But the A's, the thing you have to know is... Ann is dead. In Chicago, A's are like so dead, dead, dead.

Ann is dead. Oh, hey, Pop. Ann. What's going on? Hey, Dung. Are you eating right now? Sounds like you're chewing on something. Philly cheese thing. You're in a Philly cheese thing? Anyway, Ann.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm going through a little bind. You're in a bind or you're going through a bind? Both. Oh, wow. So you're in some shit. Forget about it. Okay, bye.

No, don't forget about it. Ann. You know... Ann, you know... Are you using again? You don't sound sober. I'm just doing some cocaine. Back to square one.

Anyway, Ann, how you doing? I'm good. Anyway, Ann, I'm going through a bind. In a bind. You're in a bind. And I need to borrow some cash. How much? How much do you loan your pops?

15 grand. How you being real? Phone's hung up. No. If he said he needs 15 grand, what for? I just can't be real. Oh, shit. Sorry about the abandonment.

That's okay. Is that where you slide that in? No. In the beginning? I just go, that's a bummer, man. I'd say, well, we'll try to figure it out. Would you compromise? Yeah.

I'm haggling. How about four grand? I'll give you three. All right, I'll give you one. Yeah, I probably would. I don't think I'd be in that circumstance. Wait, because he's so... He just can't get humble enough to ask you?

Well, he wouldn't need it. He doesn't need my money. He's fine. In a bind, or going through a bind, that's it in the fucking sketch. What are you saying? All right, how about this? What happened? Ann.

How you doing? Tell me what happened. I'm glad we did that. You know, Ann, I got a house. I know. And I had to... I'll be honest and vulnerable in front of you. I had to take a loan out of my house.

Yeah, people do that all the time. Because you know your uncle Sammy. Uncle Sammy. You know old Uncle Sammy. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember him. He's going through a bind. Everybody's in a bind?

Everyone in the Centino family? Bound. Bound. So, you know, he was going through something and he had a cocaine thing too. And it transferred over to you? Right, and then I lost the house. Oh, shit.

Right now I'm at the Holiday Inn. Oh, that's nice. But I have one more day left of finances and I'm done. They're going to keep me out on the street. Damn. Hold on, I have another call. Are you being real?

Bob. My biological dad is on the online he's asking for money. What is he going through? He's going through a bind. Would you do it? You know, I don't know. Genuine answer? Yeah, genuinely.

I don't know. Are you being fucking kidding? He's your fucking dad. He's going through a bind. You've got to help him. How did he get bound? You have money. Fifteen grand on online.

Yeah, I don't know. My genuine answer is I don't know. Maybe you could recreate some moments you lost of your childhood before you gave him the money. There you go. He could push you on a swing. Or I'll sit back on a stoop and he'll actually show up this time.

And you give him a thousand dollars each moment. You recreate moments for my childhood that you fucked up on. And I'll give you a grand every time. Hey, Ann. What's up? I had the cancer. I don't have health insurance.

I'm going to die if I don't get the chemotherapy. Yeah. I need 15 grand. Yeah, I don't know, man. So there's no love there? No, no, that's not true. I'm just joking for the sake of the show. Okay.

But everything would be circumstantial dependent. What is the circumstances that we're in? Wow, I did not know that about you. What you're not explaining is okay, you want me to be philosophical and deep about it? That's why I'm asking. Because I've said this before.

Because you don't understand the depths of it. It would take too long for me to talk about it. But I've said this before. Anybody can be a father. But it takes a lot to be a dad. Mm-hmm. And that's just a fact of life. And as you get older, you learn...

I think I saw that on a G.I. Joe episode. It was at the coffee shop. But I was going to say this quote I wrote this once when I was doing a bit about my old man that I said, a father has to finish once and a dad is never done. And I mean that.

Yeah. To be a father, you have to fucking nothing somebody one time and it may work. To be a dad means your job is to be a dad until you're dead. If we're being deep and honest and it's... He was a biological father to me.

But my dad who raised me, the guy who raised me. But you wouldn't exist without your father, your father. You gave you existence. That's 15 grand. People come in people all the time. How much is a sperm donor?

Probably like 10. Maybe 10 grand? Yeah, that's a compromise. That's interesting to me though. But the depths of the relationship would take me too long to explain to you about why I feel the way I do. That there is a disconnect.

Yeah, but just principally what I would do. Just this is just me. You don't have a dad and a stepdad. You don't understand what it's like. I've been in the same situation. But you're not. You didn't have a guy that raised you. I've had cousins who I don't really have a relationship with.

What? But fatherhood. So you're saying there's deep resentments there? No, not resentments. There's a feeling that you get as a young man when your father isn't a part of your life

that you become your own man. And maybe this is a male biological thing. You become your own entity and you kind of look at it as well, you're a man. I'm a man. I respect the idea that I'm a family, but I'm my own man.

And if you don't raise me, you're just a man that had me. That's like what these guys are going to instill in their kids are like, I'm going to be there for you forever. And once you lose that for a child

when it's in a developmental stage, it doesn't trust you anymore. It's animalistic, it's instinct. Once a dad is gone and leaves the child, they immediately have to think independently that thing isn't with me anymore. It creates a million different emotions and problems. But like, my dad who raised me,

that guy he's my dad. Now would he, would you loan him money? I'd give him every dime in my bank account. Would you loan me money? I'd give you every dime in my bank account. If you needed it. I just know where to go. Thank you.

I wouldn't think twice. And of course I'd give my biological father money. I'm joking. If we're being genuine, you wanted to get genuine. Yeah, that's, I felt that way in the more recent years as a young man, as a man of like any bozo can be a father.

But it takes a lot to be a dad. I think it's important to be, it takes a lot to be a dad. To like raise a kid. Like this guy's got a sacrifice. Yeah, he hasn't been around. And I appreciate that. It's good, because he's fucking great. I like that. I'm supportive of it.

You haven't been around doing your business, but you have a younger one. What's it called? The one before? What is the kid called? I don't know what this sounds like. Oh, he knows your name though. He sees a photo of you. Well, he knows his name because Bobby's famous.

That's not like impressive. Oh, your son knows a famous guy? Yeah, I'm verified. My point is that whenever your kid's around, he just has a distrust there. Every baby. No, that's not true.

I think it's true. Okay, why? Because what? Because what? With every family gathering, there's always a baby, and then whenever you go to them, the emotion is just crying and sadness.

That's because babies cry like 90% of their life. That's not him. When a baby sees a king, right? The king exudes. The aura. They cannot help it.

They're overwhelmed with this spiritual emotion. They don't have the brains or the emotional capacity to even comprehend what's happening. It's like when someone goes to the wailing wall. I've been there. I cry. You cry. That's what babies do when they see Bob.

I put a note in the fucking crack. What did it say? Kanye? No, it said yay. Yay. Yay for life. No, but I went to that wall. I got emotional.

Maybe the babies are experiencing that. He is a wall for babies. He is the wailing wall. I think it's just the face. Okay, now you're being rude. Explain. It's the face when they see it. He has a cute face.

It's scary. I love this path. The path is great. Let's go down this path for a second. Let me ask you something. You didn't know who I was. I robbed you. In daylight.

You're with the police. What did he look like? Explain it. Explain it. Go on. You be the cop. Tell me what happened. What did he look like?

He was really small. What are we talking? 3 foot, 4 foot. Smaller than me. 5, 2. 5, 2. I'm the illustrator too. You're writing down the notes?

I'm the illustrator. He's Asian. He's Asian. There's a billion of them. What kind? Korean. His eyes are small but round. Small but round.

Small but round. Much like a Mogwai. It's a Mogwai. Very Mogwilliam. And then what else? I noticed that on his thumb, it had a green thing. A green thing? On his thumb?

A green thing. What was that? I don't know. Maybe a fungus? Oh, so he's riddled with fungus. Fungus riddled Asian. His eyes also had eye boogers on it. Eye boogers, fungus riddled Asian. Maybe I'll get the yellow marker.

Well, you should be using yellow the whole time. That's right, he's Korean. I'll use the brown one for the eye boogers. He had a beanie. Excuse me? Are you calling him a beanie? Is he Hispanic? He's wearing a beanie.

A beanie. Oh, a beanie. Let me repeat this back to you. Yeah. Booger fungus riddled Asian wearing a Hispanic man on his head. Is that what I'm gonna eat? Is it a sombrero?

No. Why do you think that a baby doesn't like his cute face? He's got a great face. No, because when I first saw him, I also got scared. So I just be like... Insane. It's fucking insane. Are you being honest and truthful?

She is. You can see it in her eyes. Why, though? Is it the way I was moving? Yeah, because you were like grunting, like moving around. I'm always panting. Also, I have things on my mind. You're busy. What's the first thing on your mind right now? Go.

Tacos. It's tough. And I already ate today. Soft. Sour cream? Yes. Cheese. Yes. Tomatoes? Yes. Lettuce? Yes.

Chicken or meat? Meat. Fast. He's got a lot on his mind. Pepperoni with peppers and... Pineapples. Pineapple, no. Ham. No. Gluten-free crust.

No. By the way, juice dressed up and you didn't... Are you coming with us to eat dinner? You know about the dinner? Yeah, I know about the dinner. And you're wearing this to dinner. Are we going after?

No. We're gonna do it our own minds. We're having a holiday dinner tonight. It's not a VR dinner. Do you think we're gonna go in the metaverse? No. This is fine. Yeah, it is. You look fine. Yeah, but honestly,

this is the deal with this generation. There are no rules. There are no rules. It doesn't matter anymore. Nobody cares. She could wear this, and hypothetically, in a couple years, she could be the fucking CEO of a massive company. Oh, yeah. Nobody would give a shit. I'm just gonna say this, the way you look

and the way you're dressed, we can say things out loud like, foreign exchange student. Right. That's fine. She's our maid. Whatever. Well, they do have... They play up the accent. Look, I'm a waiter. I come over to the table. You have to do a broken English.

Like you're just learning it. Hi, little foreign girl. Are you with the big party, the other party? Uh, yeah. Wait, wait, wait. There's something going on. There's something going on there. She's doing this? Don't scream.

I don't know how. Wait, you're supposed to be... So, they said that... Look, we're gonna apply a discount to the... to the meal if they, you know... Can I just show my visa? You spoke perfect English. I thought you were not from here. Yeah, yeah.

Listen, let's start over. I don't think you get what this fucking scene is. All right. So, the scene is this. Why don't we play both of you? You're both foreign exchange student. That's right. You can talk first. Broken English. You cannot have a fucking accent. I mean, the way you talk.

You have to have a... You can be from anywhere. You have to have an accent. You can be from Croatia, you can be from... I can help you guys. Yes. Sound like him. Also, create different names, right? So, me and... we're walking and you guys are walking behind.

Here we go. Right? Hi, girls. I'm... I'm Bo Field and this is the manager. Yeah, hi. Say your name. Damien. This is the manager, Damien. And we were told that you guys were looking for the foreign exchange discount, which we're proud to give. Totally fine. And I have to admit,

I'm Damien, by the way. I'm Bo Field. And I created this program. Because Damien, of course, is from... Mongolia. So, we're willing to give discounts for people that are from... He's Mongolian.

Where are you guys from? Miss? Start with the white one. May I say white? Can I say... we always start with the whites. Let's give somebody else a chance. That is true. What's your name? I'm from... The Philippines?

Oh! Did she say Pilipines? Yeah, I don't know. What's your name? Olofo. Olofo. Wonderful. How long have you been here? Three years.

Three. I'm just going to say three on the thing. It sounds like three. Yeah, we know what three is, ma'am. Numbers are the same all over the world. Who's your friend? Who are you? Yes.

Oh! By the way... Very accurate foreigner. They will always just say yes. When you're like, hey, how are you doing? You're like, yes. Yes is a safe bet for a foreigner. Sometimes fancy said yes to people.

When somebody's just like, oh, it's beautiful out. Yes. And they take credit. So where are you from? I'm from Russia. Oh, you're from Russia. What part of Russia? Russian?

Yeah, I speak Russian. Good. I don't. You don't speak Russian? From there. Yeah. You're very Russian. Oh, she's stupid.

Do you know your name? Do you know enough to know your name? Yes. I'm looking for Bobby. Oh, she thinks her name is Bobby. No, looking for Bobby and Andrew. Huh. To bad friends.

We're bad friends. Are you flossing? No, no. What is this? Oh, I'm going to have to remove these people from there. Yeah, you don't get the discount. Can you leave her? It's insane.

We're not in this scene. We're not. That's a poor field. Oh, the table. We don't know who the fuck that is. They're already in the restaurant because they came here with us. That's what they're saying. Now I get it. Oh, so it's the handsome Korean and the weird

Excuse me the small guy and then the what and big and the big yeah, small and big. What do they look like? Orange orange orange. Yeah, that's the big guy. We did see a tall orange man. Yeah. Yeah, what's the little one? Yellow yellow. Oh, yeah, orange and yellow. Yeah, I get it. That's good. Yeah, they're nice. Yeah, they're back there All right, well together. They look at the Sun. Yes. Yes. A foreign discount for They got what they wanted at the end of the day very good. If you get what you want. Yeah, so we're doing that tonight Yeah, yeah, you guys are doing it. Yeah, you have to MD is FDA approved and the most trusted leader in men's telehealth They have sponsored this episode to help you always be prepared Rex MD has made it simple easy and cost effective to help

All men out there last longer and feel more confident in the bedroom. We all want to last longer and feel more confident It's a problem that plagues so many men. It's not a big deal You got to take advantage of their best deal that they've ever offered and save up to 90% off and only paid $2 per dosage Their exclusive link they've given us at rex MD comm slash bad friends for this limited time deal because they made this whole process So simple. There's no hoops to jump through, you know, no embarrassing doctors appointments Just a few clicks of a button You can talk to a medical professional create a personalized plan to get the products to streetly ship to your front door within Today, but it's not all about pee pee pills. No, not just all of it such sexual health hair growth pain relief and sleep aid

They have almost everything that you need to feel comfortable about everything that's going on in your life And I got to tell you they're also here to make sure you save big Did you know Viagra can cost around 90 bucks a pill? That's a ripoff It's insane rex MD has a generic Viagra. That's just as effective for as low as $2 a pill. You got two bucks You're gonna be getting FDA approved ED treatments at 90% cheaper than the doctor's rate. Yes 90% cheaper It's fast simple easy cheap and US licensed rectum D physician any time you need to talk to them You can access them afterwards rex MD has already helped over 300,000 guys gain confidence quickly and conveniently And they're here to help you now take advantage of their best deal yet by heading to rex MD comm slash bad friends our exclusive deal

We'll save up to 90% off where you only pay $2 per dosage starter packs of generic Viagra Seattle's are now available for our listeners to get started That's rex MD comm slash bad friends for up to 90% off give the gift of pleasure this year with rex MD Hello, Tushy you guys Valentine's Day is a day of love and love making But it's not as great if your bits are dirty and the truth is most people aren't washing down there properly be ready Whenever the mood strike with the cleaning power of hello Tushy bidet, let me tell you say guys something I have the dirtiest butthole in the land of earth and

so many years they call me mudbutt but mudbutt and Ever since I every bathroom I have I have a tushy and ever since I've had I've put the tushy in and I did it myself My butt is cleaner than anything that you've ever seen like at a doctor's office or whatnot. Okay guys No, what ruins a hot date on Valentine's Day? TP or worse hiding in your pants washing with hello Tushy bidet Cleans you two times better than toilet paper with way less evidence left behind you guys I don't even make love to women without a tushy. You know I'm saying I like clean stuff, man

Stop spreading your business around your butthole with toilet paper start washing with hello Tushy bidet We want to help you have a great confident Valentine's Day with a clean, but Visit hello tushy.com slash bad friends to get 10% off plus free shipping right now Hello tushy.com slash bad friends for 10% off I'm gonna ask you Jules this shirt. Do you love Rick and Morty because I everybody loves it. Yeah, you love it juice Yeah, do you do you like it? I've seen a couple the world loves it And so what I did was yeah, I fucking downloaded a whole season on my iPad Yeah, and the last flight I took I was like I gotta watch it everybody talks about it and I watched it

Not good. It's I don't get it. Oh, I don't I don't I don't not get it. I just I don't get the hype I was like this is fun People are obsessed, you know like I always thought it was good, but I was like I don't I'm not What? I'm like that with and you're gonna get angry what because dudes like you from the comedy world Get angry what I'm about to say. So just calm your nerves. I'm prepared. All right the Simpsons for me is the same

You just mean like the recent episodes. No, you're any of you're out of your fucking you're you're like you're Any of that. It's so annoying. I I literally watch them. I don't I understand what the jokes are I Do I'm like, you know cute. This is so it's so not funny to me. Oh Yeah, okay respect. Well, I love Rick and Morty. You don't like that. I know I don't not like it I just didn't hit me. Yeah, it didn't click for me Yeah, I was like, oh like the way that South Park does and Family guy does because the comedy is so raw South Park makes me laugh. It's hilarious But I'm more also a red and stimpy guy. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I like paranoia

I like more emotion than just verbal jokes. Yeah, I mean, yes, you like the more visual chaos I love Rick and Morty is chaos, right? It is I did like it But it's a most embarrassing thing that I've ever experienced is I get a call from family guy Because I would do a lot of their Asian voices at one point really sometimes like two or three times So one day I get a call going they wrote a whole episode, right? With you and you're Throughout the whole thing of the episode, but we need you to come in and do the table read in front of everyone And I bombed so hard. No, oh my it was so embarrassing

Not a single laugh like every what when I wasn't on it It would kill and then every time I would talk I think my accent was way too thick because they wanted an Asian accent Yeah, and they felt uncomfortable and I remember just you know, I just I remember just picking up my shit like that script In my backpack and just walking out of the room. No one said anything to me It was so and I never did another one a family guy. Yeah, it was so embarrassing You ended up not doing a voice They got rid of that episode. It was so embarrassing. Oh, I don't know. I just said I've done a few episodes. It was great

And American dad I've done both No, but you know all jokes aside for yourself. No, I'll give you let me level with you. Yeah. Yeah. Have you ever bombed? Oh my god, I'm about to tell you. Okay, Will Ferrell Fucking What was it? What movie was it? Maybe it was that Bank Heist movie that there's something funny or die. I go to funny or die offices I'm a little hungover. Mm-hmm, but whatever not bad. Yeah, I Go I go to read multiple characters

Like, you know, and they call you and you're like will you come just do a bunch for the table read? And hopefully hate when they do that fucking low gonna have to tell you to do it to me all the time Judd And I've called him out Judd fucking Judd hate it fucking Judd. I've done it with him, too. Yeah fucking Judd And then he did he used to do all the time, but I go into funny or die This movie is kind of funny, but it's like a big heavy hit. There's a lot of names and I'm in front. I'm next to Will Ferrell And I have to be like at one point this cop. I haven't read the script. I'm just a table read. I'm not in the movie yet Yeah, and I fuck up Once a little bit. I stumble and I think that was weird not a big deal. Yeah the next line. I

misread it and Everyone's laughing. Yeah, because they think I'm joking. Yeah, not I I misread it. It was supposed to be like Concierge and I'm like consignor And they're laughing thinking I'm being funny and now they all kind of and then a second They can feel my nervousness because the next few lines. I can't get I'm stumbling now I'm in my head I'm like panicking and Ferrell kind of keeps like, you know I can see people looking and I'm bombing and at the end of it all after I finally fucking get through it

I say to the casting director who I won't mention. I was like You know, is there a chance of me still getting one of the roles and she's like, they're cutting out all of those parts Because of me yeah, because I ate shit so fucking bad. Yeah, they were like we have to cut these fucking We're not this isn't bear. I got one. Yeah, I was a table read. I played this Uh chef. Mm-hmm, right and um, I the line is there was like three times. I'd use this one word I do you want shit take? right Right and every time I say shit take

It was all the Fox executives they would laugh and I was like, I was weird. That's a straight roll, right shit Take and then at the end they go, it's shiitake Also, it is shit take by the way, you're not wrong, right? Yeah, then name it another mushroom then because it shit takes Yeah, shiitake fine. Also shit take it spell the same. Can I tell you the not my fucking thought I do the worst thing That's ever happened though. All right, this one, but it's it was a prank on me Right and it was like insane and I honestly think I don't think they would be able to do it now Mm-hmm, right. So this is the final table read of Matt TV, right? The last episode the last episode and so back then what they You had no they would deliver the scripts to your house

Every Monday night. Oh, yeah, right. So there's no emails, right? We would get somebody would come get knock on the door We would get the script and you would rum In a sketch show you get 40 sketches. They pick up like 15. Yeah, right So you you have to go through 40 sketches see where you're at? What that's a nightmare. It's a nightmare. It's a nightmare So you're just going through and it's also like 11 at night in the tab roots in the morning. Wow, they didn't give you a lot of time Hmm, so I see this one sketch, which is a reoccurring sketch that Christopher Flan again, and I think Artem marine did right and I'm never in them

They've done 30 of those. I've never been in it, but this time. I'm like, I'm in one Some some character named Raphael, right? And so it's basically these two people talking right in between Raphael would show up and he would say stuff like I'm gonna snap Like that's what it would say and then later. It would say you know, I mean you guys all better run because I'm gonna shoot up the place Right, yeah, and and then at the end of the sketch Raphael had a bunch of things to say he would say stuff like bird noises And then like oh right and and then flap your way it said on the flap your wings right, I

Show up at the table read mind you. I'm the only one That has that script Everyone has the script script without Raphael Oh my god, right and only the writer one writer knows about it So when I'm saying the lines I go I'm gonna snap I can see people like chairs go back Not kidding you. I'm gonna snap Right. I mean seriously. I'm gonna shoot at the place I see three people stand up

And toward the end I'm like The place is silent right and from the corner of my eye I see the girl the writer on the ground with her Right Half the room is like standing up and they were like right and at the end There was like a five-second thing when the sketches over where Katie finally gets up. That's her name Katie. She goes I'm sorry. I eat that script. He is the only script. That's like that I mean, it was just a joke for me, right and the rage

Now you're gonna snap I was gonna shoot Laughing so hard that I couldn't do it. Yeah, I was like I was doing that. How insane is that Katie? Who's Katie to me to pull? Oh, you know her well I mean, she wrote the Ghostbusters. Yeah. Yeah, it was a great writer. Yeah, good friend But that's my god man. That was crazy. It's just a genius. It's a genius prank, but also like that's a sketch Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's so fucking funny. It's not well in retrospect It's funny

Also, it made me feel like a fool because I'm like this I should have when I was looking at it I should have said This seems weird like what is the context of this guy being in there? Because it never said I was like a part of the show, but you never talked to the writer You weren't like, hey, can I talk to you about this sketch? No, cuz you're in so many you don't you don't really don't You know, so the lines were simple. So I'm like, I guess I'll deliver like this. Oh It's terrible What a terrible fucking day somebody got a

Heart attack from watching the new avatar in theaters. We what? Yeah Somebody always gets a heart attack in a movie. Yeah Somebody died from watching avatar could why cuz it was too long So long blue blue blue you saw avatar and you're excited, huh? So what it would give me that one through ten What is it? Um? I used numbers are throwing A through Z. No, no, no, I give it a Z maybe like a

I don't know seven eight seven eight seven point eight or seven slash eight seven slash eight got it So you can't decide seven what are the positives negatives of the movie? Like the plot is like simple like them colonizing the planet like the first movie. Yeah, like the first movie That's the whole yeah. Yeah, and then it's just then the CGI is really pretty and then they go to the other Tribes and you see like different colors of them and then how like Since they you should be a reviewer. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean this could be an article. Yeah, so go ahead different colors of them And since the other tribes like adapted to the water They have like longer like skin and then their tails are like more like of a fish like other than yeah, it's just pretty

You're gonna you're going back to school, huh? Yeah, I'm not watching the movie now. Yeah, yeah, well, you didn't sell it I'm not good at selling. No, I know. What do you think you're the best at? sleeping It's true very good Well, okay, what do you think you're the best at that you could actually like do for a job? I Chalk you do sleep studies. I guess you could asleep. Yeah, I guess she'd be too sleepy to do them Yeah, they're like miss you can't just sleep. We need you to be alive as well. Yeah, can they like I don't know observe Just me. Oh, you want to be a professional observer not me observing them observing while you sleep

Oh, you want to be a oh, I see she wants to be a guinea pig a guinea pig. Yeah, that's kind of what this is What do you want to do? What do you want to be when you go up? I want to be keep doing the stand-up and just have that career keep growing the way it's going and Acting more. Okay. Yeah, what's your what's your ultimate dream? studio apartment You're gonna get that. No, I want to be in I want to be in movies with you guys. I want to be in you Don't I want to get we're too old better movies better. Yeah, you know what? I mean, what did you just say?

He better movies Hey, you dude, let me ask you what do you think you're gonna be bigger than Eliza Schlesinger? I Could see myself being at her level Good Whitney Like I feel like I'm entering that inner circle. Look at that Whitney told me the nicest thing the other day I was working a lot. Also rest in peace Whitney's mom. Yeah, sad her mom died. It was really sad I know it was very sad. Sorry. What did she say to you? She came in a lot and she told me that She's been watched seeing my social media blowing up

Which was cool to me that she was even noticing me and that I reminded her of Went right before she got her television show Oh shit, that's cool. It was very motivating and I hope you get a television show. Yeah, the jet ski stew story What do you want to be when you grow up Bob? Oh? Something with soil hmm You mean like I want to put my feet hands in it You can do that. I don't think anything so as a living though for a job crops So you want to be a farmer? No, no, I'm a botanist. You want to be a botanist? Yeah, he doesn't have that green thumb

You got Up I just want to see life grow. Yeah, I'm being real. I know yeah, I see myself I'm living not in a cabin, but in a house with there's a lot of land and me out there with a hat What do you mean like one of those hats like a you could say it like a No, no, no, like I'm say it. I'm alright. What? Yeah Yeah, a rice paddy hat. Okay. Yeah, and And being out there and putting stuff, you know, you're starting the grow process

planting planting seeds but digging I mean putting the soil back on fertilizer some water and then and good vibes and goodbye living a simple. What about you? What are my dreams? Yeah My my dream is to one day Escape the chains of Hollywood I love it break away me too man Move to a extremely exclusive Private nudist colony

Yeah on a body of water, of course Island on any body of water, but yeah Island Well, I don't get it. Everything's on a body of water. No Some places are landlocked Yeah, but if you look at I just I just if you look at North America on them on a map There's still water on it sits on a body of water or but many places are landlocked. What's landlocked mean a Nebraska is landlocked It's in the middle of the thing. There's if you look at the whole content as a whole to one Yeah, yeah, I look at it like that. So you think everything is surrounded surrounded by water. Yeah, I Mean technically if you look at it technically everything North of North America could just be a gigantic island. No

Because it's connected to something else with the Bering Strait you mean to Russia. Is that what you're saying up north? We're connected all the way up north. Yeah, I know I'm saying that's North America Canada's a part of North America, right? But keep going far there's a little bit of water in between that little bit straight, right? So I mean Essentially, it's all kind of an island. Oh, but you know what you're right Right, North America and South America are connected by Mexico and Honduras and all that stuff and Central America, right? So you're right. I get it now So I want to be a part of a nudist colony. Yeah, not in Nevada But like on an island water, okay, and I want to

And I want to be the musician everybody has a job. I want to be the local musician and I can only see you do bongos With my with my dick Whatever Yeah, I want to play steel drums I want to play steel drums and I want to be a musician for a nudist colony for any but it the news colonies got to be 60 and up nobody's under 60 Holder you at this point 60 and up You could have been the one guy now

This is my retirement plan because if it's your oh because 60 and if you did it next year and you started it And you could have that 60 and up rule you could still be there because you own the thing I get it, but I want to be 60 and up. So I want to my 60th birthday. I'm moving there. I'm quitting at that point I'll be in my 70s You'll be dead. That's right But could you use my bones as the Bongo drum thing use my bones or something. Okay. How about this? Let's do this. I'm 40 this year. Oh, you're 12 years older than me Right, right? You'll be 72 when I'm 60. That's incredible. Think about that. Yeah, then when I think I'll still be alive at 72

Yeah, when do you think you tap out 80? What are my parents my poor my mom's 80 and my dad died when he was 80 I was I would think that maybe 80 is the number could be but I think your mom's gonna live for a long more time Maybe 10 more years. Yeah, what about you? When do you want to tap out? Oh, I thought we were still doing Bobby Much older too. Yeah Asians I Think I'm gonna live pretty old too. My family lives long

So what are we talking 90 hundred 90? Have you seen the picture of this 109 year old monk that just died? No, so just 100 can't Google anything Monk what happened, but no there they go the Buddhist monk Look at this guy. Look at a picture of this guy. He just died. Well this year. I guess I should say Look at him. Whoa. Whoa 109. Wait, can you give me the third photo and zoom in on it? I think he was in Game of Thrones Yeah, he's dead at this point, right? He's alive right there. He's alive right there. Yeah What

In what he looks like she's my mommy Look, he looks normal to me What's what's so obscure about what about the second photo? He's alive in the second photo. Yeah, he's playing Scrabble He's blessing a child. What he's blessing a child. Look at that. Oh, he is. Oh, there's a kid there. Yeah, that kid is so scared You have to let the skeleton touch you In order to be blessed in the first one, he's about to sneeze No, he just did a bump dude He's away that bump. He needs to do a little bit of bump that we can bless people. Yeah an hour

Imagine being that old if you sneeze in your head falls off. Yeah Yeah, I mean this this is crazy There's also this family look up this family exhumed they exhumed their grandmother's body They exhumed their grandmother. What does that mean exhumed means removed from their tomb or grave? It's in fucking nuts. Why is there a word for that family exhumed grandma after ten years click on that Look at this. I just saw this on the news and the whole community was I look at that. Look at the look at those photos What they fucking pulled her out of the ground and like walked her around What dude, it's crazy blurred out faces the dead body is the mom

Do go to images you can see it without blurred in images I bet you they've shown it unfiltered because I've seen it unfiltered. You can see her look Well, give me give me that one ten years dead and they've exhumed her that's ten years ten years not bad. Wow not bad Would you still smash not bad? I? Said not bad. Yeah. Yeah. That's in. Oh, whoa That's insane. That's insane. That can't be real. That's a hundred percent real That's feels illegal. What are they doing though? Well, they're walking around. They just they love her Go back to the article and see what country it was from obviously. This is not here

You know that right? We can't get away from this stuff, but away with this stuff I don't know that look good guy look like it from Cleveland Go to all baby doll Where is it what country was it in? Dominican Republic at the DR baby at the DR the DR. Yeah, they're gonna baseball and digging up dead bodies They've seen cocoa and they thought they could Check out no New York Post first line. Yeah, what does it say? She was still dropped that gorgeous That is very funny that's insane look at that in the video they're dressing her they're putting a dress on her

I mean, it's it's gross cuz I don't know her, but I'll do that for you Bobby Yeah, we dig you back up so in the article I don't know if it says it look there You can see that video is unfiltered in the in the one the first thing I read it had said the whole town people were fucking livid They were like Why are you doing this? Like respect the dead. Why are you fucking doing and the family was like we loved her we want to be with her again Dude, how crazy?

She's dead. Yeah, and they pulled her out of the ground Would you be cremated? Yeah, we talked about I talked about no, no, no, but I talked about this last literally last night because I said My grandfather used to have a great quote. He said Don't ever bury me in the ground or anybody in our family should never be buried. Why he says the land is for the living He's like land is for the living you're taking up somebody else's time and space He's like be burned and then returned to the earth, but you're underground. How is that different levels of it? Yeah, but you can't live above a cemetery. You can I can pull her guys you can

No, but it's true though. I believe I hold hard. I remember him saying that when I was a kid And I was like, oh, that's really poignant. Let me ask you this if there was a land that was a cemetery There's maybe hundreds of bodies buried right and they go you can have this land for you can build a house on here Yeah, would you know why why the fuck of all the other land gonna be hunt. No, it's for free No, I don't want to be I don't write by the ocean. Why do I want to be on top of dead people? You get a gigantic in Malibu gigantic plot of land. I would say dig all those bodies up then and I'll keep the bodies down there Why what why because they paid for it, but you can have the land you wouldn't build a nice house on top of it Why are you giving me the land? I?

Own the cemetery. Okay, so Joe get the insons. Oh, is that Lee and son Well dig up the bodies and get them out of here I would never but you'd build a house on a fucking cemetery No, but I'm just wondering why because it's like the bodies are underground, right? I think the only reason why is because of ghosts. Yeah, but also it's disrespectful To what to the fucking idea then I did there's some I know well then what don't put them down in the first You're in the ground it if I'm a corpse look I mean a fucking well there it is, right? I mean it right and I'm like You're gonna haunt them forever forever every resident that comes there

Okay, why did you build on me? I have to go to your house Hey, um, can I visit Bobby? Yeah? Okay, what she's saying is something that we all already know is when you die. I'm keeping you in my yard You're gonna be buried in my backyard. I want you near me all the time. I Think it's crazy. I fuck. I do you want to be cremated or buried? I Want to be buried you have to think about it. I think so why? For people to come visit your site. Yeah, you fame

You want to be at the fucking Hollywood forever cemetery. It's not gonna be like fucking Elvis in Memphis No one's gonna fucking draw anything on my fucking. Okay, please do okay. Yeah, how about this? Yeah You're given the opportunity to be buried next of some of your most it's the people that you respect the most Yeah, now now will you do it? The center of Hollywood if they're like, yeah, we're gonna bury you next to like your favorite, okay? Let me see so Charles Bronson. Yeah, Bronson, right and Steve McQueen. They're there. Yeah in between. Yeah, because let's suppose Spirits do hang out and it's just proximity based, right? And I'm like, I'm like, oh shit. That's Charles Bronson's ghost. How sick? Yeah Yeah, Steve McQueen, that'd be cool. Burn me up. Okay, burn me up. Are you guys? What's your pit? What are you guys girls? What is it? I want to be cremated. Yeah, a hundred percent and we also made an agreement with you to Bobby that when he dies

He needs to give me a signal That that there's a The spirits are alive. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, right like contact me in the day and the day after life Yeah, what is the signal? Do you guys communicate it what it is? Yeah, I'm gonna ghostqueef on her face She's gonna hear the so you're gonna have a pussy in the afterlife. Yes Hey, man, you pick you pick your life. I want to ghostqueef, right? Yeah. Yeah. So what a juice are you gonna be? Creamated or buried? I've always wanted to be cremated, but when I saw that video I think that would be cool to leave the option

All right, you too, what about you two you cremated for sure for sure for sure George thrown out to see yeah, throw me away Just fucking what I I never understood holding on to it But I did say like we all were given a piece of my grandfather to spread around, you know Oh, and there were so many of us. I was like, I wonder what piece I got I get like a cheekbone. You know what I mean? Like what did I really get we put it in my mom's garden in the backyard? It's so funny because I was not that I was too super detached from it when I got the ashes I thought nothing of it then when I open it up to spread it. It was crazy. Why I don't I felt something It was so crazy. You gotta be kidding me. I swear to God in my life. I never I started balling. It was nuts

I mean, it's a burnt body. Yeah, but and you can when you pour it out you can hear My question is I can't ask question. I don't know how they do it does white people look different. No You the answers are way white You think my dad's ashes are yellow? Yeah Because when they burn it up, yeah, right? Yeah, they put the body in this center at her in center They don't clean it out every time. Well, the heat is so high. It kills off everything I understand that but there's gonna be ashes from other people in there. Oh, so you got somebody else's dad as well

I'm just saying everyone has a mix of everyone not they clean it out pretty diligently because of that I would imagine I don't think so. You think you just let it be I'm just like if I'm the guy that does it. So what you're so now you say Bob time to clean it out I'd be like, okay, I already did it. Well, you yeah, you wouldn't have this job. That's why I Don't think we're gonna let you work in that industry. That's what I would do, right? I did it already. Are you sure Bobby? They tested some of the ashes. They found that that was from 38 other people You think so you do think they clean it out and they've got a there's no way they don't I mean come on How can they all right was out of respect? I think the thing that creeps me out the most is when I went down to the south and you go down to

The New Orleans and they've got all those mausoleums, you know, like the tombs the above-ground tombs. Yeah, that's so fucking creepy to me Yeah, in Spain on Sundays families go to the cemetery. They clean the tombs. They right see this one I'm talking about the religious stuff in Latin cultures. It's fucking insane The way you guys are with death and religion and all that shit these things It's less creepy if you think about what would happen if they didn't have them. See Bobby wants one of those You and I next to each other do bad friends. Yeah, bad friends, dude Look at that. The ones you don't want to miss. Look, it's even on here is that you don't want to miss these cemeteries There right one person Bobby wants it. Don't want to be one guys very that's a fucking dope. Okay. Let's do I'll do that

That I'll do with you a regular tombstones bullshit. How much is that? Those each of those are probably at 100 200 grand. Who knows in Latin America, huh? little less Can I get this kind of get a discount in Latin America? Yes, and then bring the thing here. No, you have to do it there Oh, I do there, but I guess we could be buried there We're not bad friends in Spanish Malos amigos malos amigos How are we going to visit malos amigos today?

All right. Thank you for being a bad friend. Thank you for being a bad friend Malos amigos