Bad Friends - Rat Island

Episode Date: December 16, 2024

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This episode of Bad Friends is presented and fueled by Huell, your go-to for complete nutrition. Try Huell with 15% off today using code BADFRIENDS at my.huell.com slash BADFRIENDS. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? Woo-hoo! White dude and Asian dude. Woo-hoo! You two are disgusting.

Woo-hoo! You two are something. We're bad friends. Oh. Oh. I'm running out of air. Yeah, I was out. I was already out. You was out.

I was already out. I didn't even want to collect the beat. Yeah, do it again, dude. Ready? Yeah, yeah. Oh. Oh. Well, this is out. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Well, this is out. This is stopped. I had my eyes closed. No, okay. Because I couldn't breathe. Do it again. Your sky and clouds keeps going. I really liked it. Let's do it one more time. Ready? I'm going to keep your eyes with it. Wait, hold on, hold on, hold on. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Dude, we're like a barbershop quartet. Yeah. That's real. That was incredible. Also, I heard you laugh in the middle of it too. Whoa. I know, because it sounded so beautiful to me.

You kept the tone. It was very good. That was great. Well, welcome back. Welcome back, Carter. And let me say something. That's when you said, don't say welcome back again.

Cause I think of welcome back. Welcome back. Yeah, yeah. Number one, I want to say we got back from Australia and my sleep schedule is so wickily. Yesterday I woke up at five. Today I woke up at three. You know what I mean?

Carlos looks confused and dazed. Are you dazed? Yes. Or confused, both? Both. Yeah. It's a great movie. Yeah, it was a great movie.

And I just- Kangaroo balls there? Yeah, kangaroo ball. Petrified. Yeah. I'm petrified holding them. That's real? Yeah.

They're heavy. It is pretty heavy, yeah. Sorry for fondling your kangaroo balls. No, no, no, it's what I like. No, they're heavy because the... Oh. We're good, we're good. We're getting it, yeah.

We're gonna be doing that quite frequently on this podcast. Oh, and I brought this. Yeah. For the studio. Oh, whoa. A boomerang. I'll throw it to you. But hey, can you edit this so it looks like it comes back to me? Yeah. Oh whoa. A boomerang. I'll throw it to you, but hey can you edit this

so it looks like it comes back to me? Yeah. Oh, nice. It works. Let me see it. Okay, here for real, I'll throw it to you. Alright, end over end. Have you tried it?

In public? No, I just knew it would work. It's the first time I've thrown it. Oh, you guys ready? Is there a way to throw it that'll come back? Right here. Really? If you throw it like that, then because it flattens out way to throw it that'll come back? Right here. Really? If you throw it like that, then it,

cause it flattens out. You know what it is, dude? You're such a know-it-all. But I can't. He does, he knows everything. He knows everything, it drives me crazy. Why'd you ask me then? Why do you ask me so many questions then

if you don't want to know the answer? Cause you know I got the answer. I know you got the answer. This is gonna break something. Look at Makona, she's the most scared. Don't go hard. Cause when I go like this, it's gonna naturally go sideways.

You know that, right? Oh my God. Stop, stop. That's it. So what's your, how's your sleeping? And saying it's terrible. I can't believe you're doing spots. I had a spot at midnight

and the first time in my life canceled it. Saturday night, I didn't do it one Saturday. I told you that was a bad idea. No, no, I went. I thought you did was a bad response. No, no, I went. I thought you did. Yeah, I went, I went, I went, I went. And you went Monday. I went Monday, yeah, not tonight.

And tonight. No, no, tonight. Tomorrow. Tomorrow, yeah, yeah. So what time have you been sleeping? I've been trying to go to bed at night, but I stay awake till like 4 a.m. And then I still wake up at 9 a.m.

And then I am tired all day. Yeah. Yeah. It's rough, what about you? I'm good. I know and then I am tired all day. Yeah. Yeah. It's rough, what about you? I'm good. I know you were. I knew you would be good.

I'm good because I did the exact pattern I told you. Oh my God, it's gonna drive me crazy, that pattern. Oh my God. Oh my God. The funniest part is, I literally said, when we fly to Sydney. He, this is what I did. I did the pattern.

Everyone that listening, this is what he does. This is what he does. Okay? Yeah He's mr. Know-it-all. Okay, that's my new name. Yeah, mr. Know-it-all, right? But it's mr. No, mr. No No, no, no, and so mr. Know-it-all he obviously we do a group meeting we do when he has his little head talks Right. Well, this is what we need to do. They're Ted X's. Yeah. Yeah, so you go. So he says This is what we need to do. They're Ted X's. Yeah, yeah. So he says, from Perth to Australia, right?

Don't sleep at all. We were in the airport. We were in Australia. Perth to Sydney. Sorry. But okay. That's another Noah and all thing you just said. You could have let it go.

You could have let it go, but you didn't. I'm Mr. Noah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's my gift. All right, so from Perth to Sydney, don't sleep at all, which is like a four and a half hour flight. Four hours, yeah. What did I'm Mr. Know-It-All. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, all right. So from Perth to Sydney, don't sleep it out, which is like a four and a half hour flight. Four hours, yeah. What did I do?

Slept the whole time. The whole time. I stayed awake the whole time. Because when he says something to do, I go the opposite. Smart. I'm Know-It-All's nemesis. Wait a minute. I'm Mr. Know-It-All, you're Mr. Know-It-All.

That's Mr. Know-It-All. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what it is. Yeah. Right, so I say no, I slept the whole way, right? Smart, yeah, good for you. And then. Like a fucking idiot, you stayed up the entire flight home.

No. I did, yeah. 15 hours? Watch me, watch me. I said, stay up on the first leg, on the second leg, eat the dinner, and then last as long as you can to match up with the LA clock and go to bed, because then it'll be nighttime.

Then when you wake up, it'll be noon in LA when we wake up and get to LA, but it'll actually kind of be our sleep schedule. We'll think it's like nine or 10 a.m., which I go, that'll work perfectly. I took, I was up during the meal. I see him, I watch across the aisle. He's on his iPad and you can hear him.

Ah! I can hear him laugh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I go to bed, right? I wake up from bed feeling good, take a piss. He's still up, still on his iPad and I know he hasn't fallen asleep. Still giggling.

In the exact same position. Yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha. Yeah. Exact same position. Then I go back again, I'm stretching a little bit. I'm thinking he probably is asleep now. Wide awake.

Wide awake. Not one hour of sleep on 15 hour flights. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Yee. And now what's happening? I can't sleep. I know, see I told you. So, oh, you're right, but I refuse. Right, good for you. Right. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha when I went bowling. Yeah. And you tried to teach me how to bowl. That's right, yeah.

And I refused. That's right. But then when we went to Sonny's birthday party, Charles Melton taught me exactly what you taught me, but I listened to what he said. Do you remember? Yeah, yeah. And I started bowling correctly.

And I looked at you, and I think you were a little upset by it. Yeah, a little bit. Yeah. So it's like, if he teaches me something, I little bit. Yeah. So it's like, you know, I, like if he teaches me something, I refuse to listen. But if it's like anybody else, right? With the same knowledge, cause he has all,

he's Mr. Know-it-all, right? But I don't know why that is. Why is that, you think? Cause you resent the fact that I'm younger than you, but no more than you. He's talented too. There's literally nothing you can't do. God bless.

We talked about it the other day. I said, can you name one thing you can't do? And you couldn't. There's literally nothing you can't do. God bless. We talked about it the other day. I said, can you name one thing you can't do? And you couldn't. That's not true. I said, he couldn't do that. He couldn't think. He can't beat me. That's the one thing you can't do.

He can't beat me in ping pong. How about this? I can't play piano and he's beautiful at piano. Piano, ping pong. Ping pong, I can beat you. Get a table. Oh my God. Tennis? A tennis we might be more evenly matched. I can beat you. Get a table. Oh my God, tennis?

A tennis we might be more evenly matched. I was on the tennis team in high school. I know, and that was 40 years ago. It doesn't matter. It was literally. I hadn't ridden a bike since I was in high school and we rode a bike in fucking Australia. There's no phrase that's,

hey, it's just like tennis. Once you learn, you never not learn. There is no tennis phrase. It goes to tennis. It's just like hitting a tennis ball. Yeah, yeah. Once you know, you know. Once you learn, you never not learn. There is no tennis phrase. Yes, it goes to tennis. It's just like hitting a tennis ball. Yeah, yeah. Once you know, you know. Once you know, you know.

Yeah, yeah. We did ride a beautiful bike around Rotness Island and had a gorgeous day at Rotness Island. We did. Probably one of our best days. What a roller coaster though. Incredible, right? Why?

Well, cause we, I kind of hyped it up the entire trip and Bobby kept pulling on me aside and saying, listen, I know everyone says they're the cutest animals on earth, but what if we get there and they don't like us? That's right. And we got there and they were all just like looking for food.

Because I'll tell you why. May I tell you why? Yeah. My wisdom on this? Yeah. Okay. Look at them right there. Oh my God, they are cute.

They're so cute. Rice, they're so cute. They're so fucking cute. So, um. Edible, by the way, they look very edible. Yeah, they look like porgs. They look like little Andres. Yeah.

Little Andreses. So here's the situation here, guy, my friend, is that I'll tell you how the quacas came into my, I told you, right? How, yeah, Jim Jeffries. Jim Jeffries, months ago, pulled me aside, night, you gotta see the quacas. Yeah.

He told me the island everything, right? So I've been thinking and dreaming about quokkas a long time. I get that. Yeah. And then when we got there, some fucking bloke, some Australian bloke says to me, mate, you know why they call it Rottnest Island?

I go, why? And he goes, because the first guy that went there, right, thought they were rats. So in my mind I'm like, oh, they're not, because what we see, I thought they were gonna be real small like rats. Me too, yeah. Right?

But then when I saw, that's me, yep. Look at that, you taking a photo with one so beautifully. Oh, the Joey's coming out. Yeah, the little Joey's coming out of the stomach. Dude, that was like magical. coming out. Yeah, the little Joey's coming out of the stomach Do that was like magical In love at that level that and that was like four hours into the trip you got that yeah That was the last second we were about to ride. We're about to board the boat to go home Well, because I don't here's you know when people go crazy over celebrities

Yeah, yeah, I go less crazy. Yeah, I think a step back. I go, I'm better than that, right? So there was a lot of quack-a-fawning. A lot of fawning. Yeah, right, so I'm like, nah, you know what, what do you cool about this? But after like two or three hours, I was like, what the fuck are you doing? It's a fucking quack, I take a photo. Yeah, you were like three hours in,

you're like, I'm ready to fucking go. No, but see, this is what I appreciate about you. You waited till you felt like it was time. And guess what? That photo is proof that if you wait, good things will come. Exactly. Because a lot of people got a lot of bad photos

of them with quokkas not looking at them. You on the other hand, have a picture perfect, picture with perfect. Perfect quokka, quokka, quokka, quokka, quokka. Because I had the little baby in the stomach one. It was unbelievable. It was really unbelievable. So the proof is in the pudding kiddo,

if you wait, good things will come. Don't call me kiddo anymore. All right, baby doll. I think it's kind of funny. We got a lot of love down there in Australia and we want to thank our fans. It was probably, yeah, go ahead, sorry. No, no, that's it.

I just want to say we want to thank our fans. It was probably, what? Go ahead. Yeah, sorry, go ahead. I just want to say that I want to thank, cut me off again. Probably. There it is. Oh.

I want to thank all the fans from Down Under. It was one of the best experiences we've ever had. I mean it. It was un-fucking-real. It was so cool. It was so fun. Life-changing. Life-changing.

We had people come to the show that are actor friends of ours that came and- Oh, can we talk about that? Sure. You're not gonna be mad? What do I care? You already made fun of me half of the trip about it. I got mocked incessantly,

even though what did Andrew provide except for great recommendations for food and hangout spots and cool things to see, but that's okay, but make fun of me more, it's fine. Well, then I will not, you're right. I'd actually prefer it if you did. If you did, go ahead and make fun of me. Well so,

you asked me to close the shows. I asked you to close the shows because I wasn't feeling good. You're good, that's fine. And I 100% back that. Because you- Usually we switch off. Sure.

And I said, will you end up closing some of these shows please? Yeah, but I close except for the one. So. Except for one what? One of the shows. No, no, let me finish. You know what he's going to do.

He knows what I'm talking about. Yeah, you know. You close every other show. You know which one. So the close, the show that- I just wanted to close one of the shows. Interesting. This is so interesting what you're doing.

This is so interesting. What did I do? I wasn't there, but I get the picture. You get the picture, right? So there's one show where he goes, you know what, Bob? I'm going to close this particular one. I'm like, wow, I thought I was going to close all of them. And then it was the show that it was Dakota Fanning, Sarah

Smooch. Smooch? Freddie and Slim. Smooch. Right? Sure. Yeah, yeah. Now what I'm. These are. Sure. Yeah, yeah. Now what I'm saying is that, so the one show that your celebrity friends are coming,

you're like, I want to close because I want to make it seem. Well, they came to see me, because they're not a fan of you. See what you're doing right now? No, no. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, I'm just being honest. Yay.

Do you like the honesty now? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They all were like, I don't really care about Bobby. I don't care about his stuff. So I said, would you guys like me to go last? I'd prefer it. Yeah. Less opinion, more view.

Whatever. No, no. I just want to tell you the truth. Whatever the reason. If you like the truth. I love the truth. No, no, no. If you like this little truth game,

they all literally said, we're not fans of Bobby Lee. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Both comedically, personally. And I said, that's rude. That's my partner, Brian. I love what you're doing. I love what you're doing right now. No, no, no. Dude, these are their work.

Yeah, yeah, I know. I don't think that's- They go, I don't like them as a stand-up. I don't think so. Or as a podcaster. Yeah, I don't think so. They go, we're not, that's just not our style. And I said-

Yeah. Well, maybe I'll- But what would've matter who went out first then? No, it doesn't matter. They're gonna see me anyway, they saw me anyway. Because you hate it if I do too much time, you bitch about it every time. So if I go second, then you're not gonna complain to me.

Right. It was just an observation. I don't know if it's the truth. But I'm giving you the truth. It could have been one show where you're like, here's a deal. It could have been one show where it was like, you know what, I just feel like closing out the second show.

No, no, no, the truth really is, I thought, okay, if they're coming to see, I'm not gonna have you get upset at me because I did too much time in the front. So I was like, let me close the show so I don't hear it from you, because every show we've ever done, if I do too much time and there's proof in the booth,

you do get mad. Proof in the booth. Are you gonna be honest and say that that's true? That is the truth. Yes, because you go. Well, let me ask, can I ask? And then I see, I hear backstage you going like this, he's doing too much time, he's always doing too much time. Okay

The reason why him out What I'm saying is is that so your beef is not with me pal. It's with the rat First of all right you rat fuckers there Okay, let me say, first of all, right, you rat fuckers, dude. I don't want you to do that. Yeah, yeah, you both do, you rat fuckers. And number two, right? Don't hide now, pal. Don't hide.

Let me, I'm gonna say something to you, okay? You're one of the best comics on, First of all, cut it out. Let me finish. Stop, cut it out. Let me say, he's one of the best comics on planet Earth, okay? No. Listen, right, we're playing in front

of thousands and people, right? Do you know how hard it is? I'm blocking your face. Do you know how hard it is to follow this guy in any environment? He says this every time. We say the same thing about you. Okay, so my point is, is that, you know what I mean?

I'm sorry that I, at times, don't wanna work that hard. Okay? I'm sorry that I don want to work that hard, okay? I'm sorry that I don't want to work that hard. And number two, right, now you two rats, right? Time out, real fast, real fast. Truth is out there and I love the truth. No, but let me stomp the truth real fast. Okay, good.

Two things, real fast, real fast. One, clearly they never said that about you, you know I'm joking. You know that I'm joking. I just ratted myself out? No, no, I just said, listen to me. I just admitted that I do complain, and now, that was some fucking Jedi shit, dude!

That was uncalled, don't do that! He knows everything. He knows everything, dude, Mr. Know-it-all. Can I finish, though? Yeah, yeah. Two things. One, they never said it about you because you know that they're all in love with you, I made that up as a joke. Know-it-all. Can I finish, though? Yeah, yeah. Two things. Okay, go ahead. One, they never said it about you

because you know that they're all in love with you. I made that up as a joke. But two, to level. Who? Dakota Fanning and them? All of them. Of course they didn't! I know, but let me level this.

Let me level this. Okay. To make this even more fair. That is true. I did want to go second because I did not want you to get mad at me about the time. And then, to make both of these things together, these guys will also tell you,

the rat fucking scumbag loser fuckheads that they'll tell you the exact same thing that I say about you when you're on stage. Verbatim, I go, I don't know why he doesn't go second. He's crushing and I don't wanna go after that. Do I not say that to you? So yes, the same thing you say to them, I say to them about you as well.

Okay. So, so. We're good. We're good. But. Who are we really mad at? Yeah, but we're not good yet. Okay. I love this because my parents divorced when I was six, so I never got this.

So let me, let me, no, no, so let me, let me just, you know, like go to the committee. Okay. So McCone, all right. No, I have to burp. Yeah, McCone, look at me. Why do you think he wanted to go second? Just in your opinion. You know what I mean? Your opinion. Only the second show on Melrose.

Don't look at me. What are you doing? Dude, you're about to lie. I could just see. You did a swallow. He wanted to look cool in front of his actor friends. There it is. Carlos?

I think he wanted to show what a good comedian he was in front of his friends. Okay. And is. Carlos? I think he wanted to show what a good comedian he was in front of his friends. Okay. And yeah. That's fine. That's great. Yeah, I told you what it was.

Yeah. I didn't want to hear it from you if I went long. That's really, I did not want to hear your bullshit about you going, because by the way, I did 30 minutes. Cause I wanted to do more time. So why don't you give him the best version of the show? Oh, fancy. Fancy, dude.

What are you doing? What are you doing? We were just sailing through this. So here's the issue. No, no, no. All right. Let that sink in. I don't want it to.

Yeah, it's already. Just clean it off. Once you get HIV, you have it. Not anymore, dude. I know, but I haven't taken the cocktail yet. Well, please do. Yeah, so I just took some of HIV. But can you see? A shot have it. Not anymore, dude. I know, but I haven't taken the cocktail yet. Well, please do. Yeah, so I just took some of HIV, a shot of it. He's walked into the porg.

Yeah, so- At least he's embraced it. You said that's the best part of the show. No, fancy. No. No, listen, if this is gonna be about the truth, and if we're putting it on the table, let's just do it. Let's not like, you know, let's be cowboys. Okay, so I told you my truth. truth, and if we're putting it on the table, let's just do it, let's not like, you know,

let's be cowboys. Okay, so I told you my truth. Yeah, and I believe you. I genuinely, I just wanna do a lot of time. So, I just heard your truth. And you know what? Nice, fancy, way to go. So anyway, wow.

What a great trip. It was incredible. What a wonderful trip. It was awesome, we saw kangaroos. We did, Jess and I went for a long walk and saw some roos. It was incredible. What a wonderful trip. It was awesome, we saw kangaroos. We did, Jess and I went for a long walk and saw some roos. That was awesome. It was incredible. And then in Auckland, Carlos went to a brothel,

which I'm sure is- Can you talk about it? Yeah, of course. We already talked about it. Yeah, it was more independent. Oh, less corporate. More mom and pop. Less Yeah, it was more independent. Oh, less corporate. Mom and pop. Less corporate, yeah.

It was just in a hotel room and there was like a closed barrier, like when you walked into the left. So there was someone else hooking up in there as well? So she was like, go shower. And so I went and showered, like I faked it a little bit.

What do you mean you faked it? I'm sorry. I had already showered. I didn't do something. Like you just went in there and pretended to soap? Yeah. Why wouldn't you just shower again? Shower. I didn't double soap it. I had already showered. I didn't do something. Like you just went in there and pretended to soap. Why wouldn't you just shower again? Just shower. Yeah. Double soap it. Just too much. Sorry? I didn't want to do soap. Double soap it is too much. Like you get extra clean. Yeah, what does that even fucking mean?

I didn't want to do two soaps. But it's not your body. It's your breath. That's what they meant. You can't wash that in the shower. You can't wash, you know, unless can we discuss? Can we discuss that for a second? There was no discussion in Australia. There's not anything that smells particularly like that. That's why prostitutes don't kiss. That's why prostitutes don't kiss. Do you kiss them? No.

Okay. When you're in a porta potty, you know what it is. Right. You go, that's a mixture of poo, pee, generations of it. Right? I agree. Whatever, right? When you're in Skid Row, right?

You kind of know what those smells are. You know what I mean? People that are B.O., dirty, you know what I mean? Yeah. Et cetera, et cetera. I get that. yeah, I agree. With his is a particular kind of skank. Pretty interesting.

Yeah, stench that you don't know quite what it is. Right, what is it? It's like there's salami, right? But then there's also dirt, but then there's also like, you know what I mean? Like, you know, vomit. Vomit. But it's like.

It's from vaping and a bunch of stuff. But it's a lot, but it's like also, here's another thing that you can do, is I think an x-men power you can project it from across the room I can literally walk in a room. Oh Carlos is here before even I see you I don't even have to look like you're just there. Does it leave a trail or something? It's a projection, I don't know. It's weird, it's like a funk.

What is it? What is it? I think it's because I don't eat enough. Because you don't eat enough food? Yeah. So your stomach is eating itself. Yeah. That's bile.

That's bile. Well, every morning I throw up blood and stuff. Oh my God, what are we going? No. No, don't do that. Don't do that. Yeah, Yeah. Why I'm alive though Okay, what's the last time you saw a doctor? I'll see my dad in a couple days and I'll see what's up. Well, it's your dad is your doctor

Oh, yeah, I just text him and they You call him doctor dad Dr. Dad on NBC Wait a minute. Do you what does he ever run blood work on you? No, he just like- You need blood work. Do you ever run blood work on yourself? No, I don't ever do that.

You've never done that? No. You honestly do that, your age, you have to run blood work. I mean, I've gotten STD tests. That's not the same thing. I'm talking about holistic, your whole body needs to know like maybe you have allergies to something. You can have some stuff going on that you don't know.

That's like what hot girls do. And I'm not even talking about your breath. I'm talking about separately. You should run blood work, dude, to know what's going on. I'm talking about your breath. That's right. That part needs to be. Yeah, I'm talking about it.

What if he does blood work? What if he does blood work and the results come back? Bad breath? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Even the blood is like, mm-mm. Yeah. Even like when even like when um Like sometimes I'll say get me mints

But you so you have an asset when we're doing show do I ever say that when he says get me mints he mean I go get what you do oil me. I'm trying not be rude Right it's a message. He doesn't get it. Yeah, get me gum, mints, right? And get me, you know what I mean, toothpaste, mouthwash, right? Yeah, everything, right? It's not for me. I don't use it. It's for you.

Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's the hint. I had a lot of mints in Australia. I always had some on me. Okay. I just have to say. You won't believe this. I saw him put a mint in his mouth and it jumped back. Yeah.

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8,500 people at this show? Yeah. Wow, man. There was more people at that show than in the state of Nevada when it was admitted into the union in 1860. It was almost a great moment. Do I get the Mr. Know-it-all thing now or is it good pass to this fucking guy? That's a great thing. I think you've influenced them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's basically baby know-it-all.

Yeah. That's baby know-it-all. Baby know-it-all. I don't even come up with shit like that. That's insane. I don't know what the fuck. Because you know it all but you also know timing. Ah, that's what it is. But he knows a lot. Let me ask you McCone. Do you know about Keiko?

No, okay You know about Keiko. What's the Nevada thing? What is this saying? You're what I saw this in a video that a day when Nevada was became a state in 1860 They had just over 6,000 people and I thought that's crazy. There was more people in the audience Not gonna lie. That is fucking amazing. That's insane. A state when it was formed. Influence. Influence.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. See how no one knows how to influence each other? Yeah. Hey, hey. Yeah. Good boy. He's learning. Yeah.

Good boy. You're actually coming. But my kind of know-it-all Carlos is you, right? Yeah, what's up, bro? What's up? There's a few things he doesn't know. We know nothing. Yeah. All right, so let me ask you though,

not to stick on this joke, do you go to see a dental hygienist though? No. You can't just have, you don't. No. Will you? I think it's will they? Hahahaha.

Choose. That's very funny. Yeah, they will not. I will do it. Yeah, yeah. Huh? I haven't been in a, you know. He has this picture up at the dentist office.

He's banned. Wanted. Wanted. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dead. Wow. Wait a minute, so you won't go? I'll just do other things.

Yeah. But wait, why won't you go see somebody? Because I'm healthy, I'm alive. Are you afraid of a dentist? Is that what that is? No, I'm really not, I'm just lazy. Like how my car's keyed, I didn't fix it. But this tripping me out,

when's the last time you went to a dentist, for real? Maybe when I was a teenager. Andrew, check this out. In fucking 30 years? Yeah. Andrew, check it out. What? What am I doing? What?

Who was that? You were a dentist? No, no, no, it's worse. What? Who was that? You were a dentist? No, no, no, it's worse. Every woman in the mix will. Okay, all right. All right. I mean, just imagine. That wasn't Kaleido.

Oh, wow. Shots fucking fired, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah, very good. The frequency of dental visits depends on your individual circumstances. However, the ADA recommends, the American Dental Association recommends adults and children see the dentist every six months.

That's so dorky, no one does that. I think that almost everyone I know does. Really? Yeah, I go to the dentist. Everyone in this room goes to the dentist. Yeah. You don't, I mean, at the very least, once a year is definitely what you should do.

I did tell Jesse this, but I did brush my teeth with Sprite and Adelaide. Yeah, I forgot about that. I said, why Sprite? And he goes, I don't know what fizz is. Bro. He's just rubbing sugar on his teeth. Bro. Bro, dude.

That's the problem. That is. Yeah, yeah. I think we found it. Yeah, we found the problem. You're brushing your teeth with Sprite? Yeah, yeah. I was too lazy to go to, we found the problem. You're brushing your teeth with Sprite? Yeah, yeah. I was too lazy to go to the bathroom.

Just do it with Pop Rocks. Those fits do, dog. Do you smell, I mean, is there other smells in your body that you're not aware or privy to? I don't know, I can't smell them. I can't smell them. You can smell. But I can't smell like marijuana or anything like that. Yeah, you dip and smell.

You dip and smell? Yeah, yeah. Like dip your finger in your butt and smell it? No, not the butt. No, no, but. Don't start there. Yeah, don't start there. No, but I'll go like this and do that.

I wanna put, yeah. Have you done that? Yeah, of course. Yeah, I wanna see if I'm on track. I think we need to get this solved and I mean this because now I feel like it's dangerous. Are you really throwing up in the mornings? Oh yeah.

Oh buddy, come on. Blood? That's not good. Oh, that's not good. Well then stuff's going on. It's like indigestion, it's a whole thing. And Macon knows my pillows have blood on them when I wake up. Yeah.

Macon, you're not voicing this to us ever? You're not going, hey guys, I think you should know this. Both for the sake of health and comedy. I mean, I feel like everybody who's like 10 years older than me, I'm like, oh, they got it somewhat figured out. No, they don't. They don't, no.

No, they don't. They got it. No, there is no such thing. I did love all the music we made together though, with the piano and your singing and the trumpet. I'm gonna say it right now, dude. I told you backstage. Say it.

And I don't know if you really took this to heart, but I mean this. I said, man, it's incredible when you are freestyling on the piano and she's backing you up and just flowing with it. It's extremely impressive. Maybe I'm a fucking underexposed person to that kind of style of music,

but it fucking blew my mind. Every night I would sit down, when you would freestyle on the piano and you would just smooth come in, I'm being so genuine to you guys. It's so impressive to me. And maybe I don't know shit about music composition and theory, but it fucking was incredible.

I'm not kidding. Basic chords, really. Sure, maybe, but it was fucking gorgeous. I do also have to say that the shows versus the shows we did in America a couple years ago were way tighter. Over there, we were much tighter. Well, we had 60 cities of practice. I mean, we- in America a couple years ago were way tighter. Over there we were much tighter. Well we had 60 cities of practice.

I mean we found a groove. We found a definitely groove with all of it. It just seems faster, tighter. It was smooth and we had some incredible people, fans to help out in the show. We had a woman who was able to squirt breast milk out of her mouth. Into my mouth.

Out of her tit. Out of her mouth would be crazy. Yeah, yeah. Well, she would drink it and spit it. Like milk coming out your nose. She squirted breast milk. Into your mouth. And it's sour.

It doesn't taste like oat milk or. Right. Well, of course. What do you mean? Yes, it does not taste like oat milk. Or any milk that I've ever had. Right, because it. It was like sour.

It was a human milk. Oh, it's human milk, yeah. Human milk, and let's see it right here. Let's play a clip there. Oh my god! That's insane, dude. Wow. That's all breast milk. Now those babies are not going to go hungry. That is so much. And can I say something too? Probably one of the best breasts I've ever seen. Gorgeous. You saw them, right? Yeah, I snuck back. I mean, they were a perfect breast. And her husband approved.

We asked her, we said, she goes, my talent is that I can squirt breast milk very far. And that's us asking her husband, I'm saying, dude, was this cool? Do you approve? And he was thumbs up all day. Is that the show that Dakota was at? It was.

Yeah, that was in Melbourne. Oh, that was a magical show then. That's a magical show then. Sarah Snook, Jake Lacey. Jake Lacey from White Lotus. And I'm dying up here. I'm dying up here. That's how we make it.

Sarah Snook who is. Secession. Such an incredible actress. I walked up to her and I just kind of grabbed her arms. Yeah. Such a big fan. I have such a crush on her talent-wise. You know what I mean? Like I think she's so

talented. I'm like, God, you're fucking. I love. And Dakota? Dakota, oh my God. She's the shit. She's so not what you think. Well, cause she's, you know what? What's funny is when you grow up in LA and you meet people that grew up in LA that are like actors that grew up here. Yeah. I guess it's more, you have a projection of an idea of who you think they are. You do because you meet some kids that grew up here and they act and it's a thing. And even though she moved here as a young kid,

she kind of grew up here. But you see a lot of young actors, because I know a lot, that they play by the Hollywood rules so they don't wanna say the wrong thing or they're just very in the middle about things. Political. Political. She seemed to be, she reminded me more of a comic. She floats her own way.

She's like, cool, like just accept. She loved the show. Yeah. The show was wild. It's really nice to see people feel free and not feel like, because our show is fucking insane. Like, you know, Sarah brought their 14 year old son. Then when they came backstage, I was like, do you want him to see the show?

Yeah. And she was like, Yeah, I mean, why not? Who cares? And they just on Neil deGrasse Tyson play there. We played the same venue as rocket scientists, rocket scientists, and we're sucking on tit milk. Yeah, rock and roll, rock and fucking roll. It was a great trip. Oh, great. Yes. The whole trip was good. There's only one part of it. I didn't like Tommy's only one part of it I didn't like. Tell me. Tell me one part of it I didn't like.

Tell me. You know what it was. McCown. Yeah. Yeah. Did you make me mad the whole show? Did you die, was I mad at you a little bit? I was.

What was the anger about? I forgot. I can tell you exactly what it is. Cause it's a little bit of jealousy is what it was. Okay, go ahead. We played the clip on here of you walking out to Sydney to all those fans. Oh, I knew it.

As soon as I saw Bobby post that, I knew this was bad. No, no, no, no, no, no. It's not mad at Bobby. I said to him, did you get us all coming out to the fucking crowd? Wait, he didn't get you coming out? No, no, no, no. No, there's gotta, that doesn't make it.

He does not. And you were watching it all day on your Instagram and I just knew that he was. I wasn't upset at you. I said to him, did you get everybody getting that shot? I got all of us going out. Is that what I asked you? I said, did you get me or Jesse going on stage

to the big crowd? I don't wanna fight you, Andrew. What? Can I side with McCone for a second? Interesting. Interesting. Interesting. Interesting.

Interesting. Someone's trying to get under Mr. Nodal tutelage, huh? What? Someone's trying to be Mr. Nodal for the show. I mean, just a little thing. What is it? I did go up to him before the show and I go, make sure you get me coming out.

Interesting. Okay. That has no bearing on him. Okay. That he would literally go, I should probably get everybody coming out. Yeah, but that doesn't mean, yeah, you're right. That doesn't make any sense.

It's 8,500 seats. Yeah, you're right. Yes, you assume. If one of us said, hey, make sure you get this shot, why wouldn't your instinct go, I should get this for Jess. You were already on stage. Correct.

At that moment, so he couldn't go back and forth. No, no, no, he asked him before the show. Oh, I thought it was like, No, no, no. I was running up to run the cameras to get the back of everyone going, because I have running second camera as well. It's over to me.

And that will always lay inside of me as something that you disappointed me at. And it turned me. I was extremely upset. I went into my hotel room and I said, not happy, doesn't care, doesn't care. Almost a Dollywood moment that day. Pretty close.

That wasn't why I was feeling that way. But that Dollywood moment almost happened again. Yeah, I had a day. That was scary. I needed to go to the- I kept wanting to hang out with you so bad, but I knew it would be best to just sleep. I had to go to the scary. I needed I kept wanting to hang out with you so bad But I knew that would be best to just say I had to go to the gym I had to just walk away. But McCone was a big sliver a Big sliver in my hand out. How do I get this out? Right? I do have to say my relationship with McCone

Got better on the trip. Mm-hmm Because of that no not because of that. I feel like he was trying to, he was trying. Yeah, I will say he got- He was trying. Well, you're welcome. Every one of my friends- Excuse me?

That's me. That's all me. I know what it is. That's all me molding and shaping a kit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know what it is. And you know who didn't try on the trip at all? Who didn't put any effort into the trip whatsoever? Carlos.

Yeah. Shout out to Carlos, he worked very hard. Yeah, you killed any effort into the trip whatsoever? Carlos. Yeah. Shout out to Carlos, he worked very hard. Yeah, you killed it, Carlos. You actually did a phenomenal job. Thank you, I appreciate it. A phenomenal job, much better than we expected you to do. You went above and beyond. Fancy you didn't do shit.

You stayed back and caught a check. Let's talk about the best hotels you think we stayed at. I think the coolest one we stayed at was the W in- The W was good. In Brisbane. Yeah. That was wildly dope. But also my second was the Ritz Carlton,

the last night of- Yeah. Was it Perth? What night? Perth. Yeah, Perth. Oh, the Crown. The Crown, I mean, yeah. Oh, the Crown, yeah.

Where we had Nobu that night. Incredible. Incredible. A little Nobu dinner. Yeah. And the kids never had Nobu, right? Never. You're welcome. Didn't say thank you once.

Didn't say thank you. I'm grateful really, huh? Did you say thank you? We said it a few times. When? Do you remember? Give me the time. He probably has it on camera.

Yeah, he's got a time stamp of it. I'll pull it up. That dinner was amazing. I loved the lazy Susan. Love a good lazy Susan. Just spin the food around. Love a good Lazy Susan. Love a good Lazy Susan. And we had an overall, man,

every city did what we thought they were gonna do. Nobody let us down. Every city was amazing. Every venue was great. And let's be honest, can we be honest? We thought one of the cities, we both were like, what if this isn't that good? Because of the venue.

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. And it turned out to be fucking great. Which, oh yeah, that one. We were both- Oh, I walked into that one. You walked out. Oh, here's another Memphis. Yeah, you did say that. Yeah, yeah. You thought it was gonna be- Here's another Memphis,

Tennessee. Just a tank. Yeah. But it wasn't. That show was incredible. Amazing. Amazing. Amazing. One of the best shows I think we did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You saved the trip. Amazing. Amazing. Amazing one of the best shows I think yeah Yeah, yeah, I had a panic attack that day and that Brisbane Adelaide tell that story. Yeah on the plane I had a panic attack and I was trying to like hold it together until I got to the hotel room

So no one would know and right at the end over well when I got to the baggage claim It's like go get me some doughnuts So I'm like still trying to like hold my breathing together and I'm ordering these donuts and the lady's taking forever and Trump's like, come on, you gotta go. I'm sorry. No, you didn't know. And so I get the donuts and I get on the thing and right when we park, Bobby's like,

what's going on with you? And I was like, I think I'm having a panic attack. Yeah, you were having a panic attack. And then he starts yelling to everyone, she's having a panic attack. I was like, you're making it worse. Well, then I went back there and I go, are you really having a panic attack?

I didn't know if he was joking. And then you were just off. I just got to my hotel and like, tried to control my breathing, took a shower and like calmed down. I felt so bad. And then the show was like transformative. Cause it was like all,

I just could focus all my thinking just on the show and form and yeah, that venue was great. And yeah. Since we're being honest. Yeah. Since this is the honest show. Yeah. When you get low, you get low.

When I get low. That's what I said. I thought it could have been a royal when people get low, they get low. All right, right. No, when you get low, we can feel it. Uh-huh, yeah. Right, and there's always like a 12 hour period

where it's like, we just know not to. But what happens to your mind there? Well, I have clinical depression, so I go into a deep, very dark, low hole. Yeah, it's scary. I get really, I feel so bad for you. Well, thank you. No, I'm being real.

I'm always like going, oh my God, I mean, I can't imagine. Yeah, I wanna get you out of it. We try to get you out of it, but then we don't even, we don't say anything. I don't think I said anything to you't imagine. Yeah, I wanna get you out of it. We're trying to get you out of it, but then we don't even, we don't say anything. I don't think I said anything to you that day. No, you didn't. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I would walk by your green room and just, hey. If I'm being honest, if we wanna talk real shit,

yeah, I get fucking, I have depression, I get extremely dark and low. I think the worst negative thoughts, I'm sure there's fans that have exactly what I have, or they do this thing. And I found my only solution is to not communicate with people because I just feel like I'll be mean or rude. And sometimes I am.

Then I just get snappy because I'm really low and I apologize if I am. And I find that if I can go and exercise or just break away for a second and just kind of do my own little thing, it helps me reset my bearings and then I can get back to it. And I've done it a few times with you guys, but that's just, unfortunately,

I think it's a part of my chemicals. Yeah. I think it's a part of my fucking unfortunate DNA. I'm born with this awful, you know, I don't even know how to describe it. It's awful, it sucks. I'm not proud of it, I'm not, but it also is who I really am.

So I think if I service myself and I leave people alone, I can figure it out. I found the tools for me to go, okay, and you know what helped me? Shout out to, I'll tell you this. Shout out to the guy I met in the gym. I didn't wanna fucking talk to you. I absolutely didn't wanna talk to you.

I was lifting weights, I had headphones in, and he approached me multiple times to talk. And I was being a little mean at first. I was like, what's up? I did that. Oh, I've done that. Like what, what, what? And then as soon as I dropped my internal guard,

I thought, this guy's just a nice guy asking a question. And then I, shout out to that guy, for some reason it helped me like get back to where I needed to go, because I knew this was a test. I don't know what you believe in. I don't care if you believe in a God or a not or a universal energy.

This was 100% a test from the universe going, watch this. I was in the gym alone and it was like, watch this. And it put this guy in front of me and it was like, you can either fucking be a fucking grump and be bummed and ruin someone else's part of the tour, the other people you're performing with, or you can take this guy as our little fucking tool. And honestly, I felt great after that.

Like something in the universe gave me that guy, I believe that, to be like, look at this happy-go-lucky sweet guy who just wanted to chat, didn't know me, had no, like it wasn't like a fan. It was like just a guy wanting to chat about something. And I don't know. I wholeheartedly believe the universe was like,

deal with this because you gotta cut it out. And then it did it, like re-triggered my, I gotta be good for the other people on the show. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair to your friends and performers and people who support you to bring your shit on other people. This episode is brought to you by Miller Lite. Miller Lite's all about celebrating friendships, especially during fantasy football season.

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So you threw one, then he just retaliated. But that seems fair. Eye for an eye, smoke for a smoke. Leaves everyone blind. Yeah, like the good old days. There's a resent, you know, your behavior. You keep bringing up resentment. There is, there is something there.

There has to be something there. I think he loves you, but the bad breath is like venom. Like it's taking over. Maybe that's what it is, yeah. Yeah, like it's not. The bad breath has something to do with it. It's not him. It's morphing into its own thing.

Yeah. It's like actualizing. Yeah. It's becoming, it's a. Cause he's changing, right? its own thing. Yeah. It's like actualizing. Yeah. It's becoming, it's- Cause he's changing, right? Oh, a hundred percent. Carlos has, the change is there. I see it.

It's the responsibility y'all gave me. So we gave you too much? No, just the right amount for me to grow. Interesting. Yeah. I will say this. We had a little talk off camera. People don't know.

We're working on, right now we looked up our analytics and we, I think, are going to play a show in jolly old England. We're working on going to London for a show. Because our fans in the UK have said, why don't you guys come to us? The first country we went to outside of the US was, well, Canada, but we went to Australia

and I think we owe it to our- Australian, London friends. Our Londoner friends, so we're working on that right now. So can we do this? Yeah, make a whole vacation out of it. No, I know, but the problem with the Australia trip is that there was just too much traveling. I mean, what I would want is to be in Sydney

for two or three extra days, two days, so we can travel around. I know we lose money that way. No, that's fine, you mean London. So when we go to London. No, two or three extra days, two days, so we can travel around. I know we lose money that way. No, that's fine. You mean London. So when we go to London. No, when we go to London, I don't wanna be like flying in and flying out.

I wanna spend two or three days, I wanna go to the Emirates and look at the arts. I was just gonna ask if we go there. Yeah, yeah. Can I say something about you? Yeah. She saw the Champions League game, did you see it or the highlights?

I watched the whole thing. It started at noon. I put it on my big TV and just watched it. Wow. Because that's the best way I can learn the players is by watching them. And so I know what I mean. Same thing. I love it. So let me ask you something about our bond, right? Yeah. You saw, did you, do you love the team or? I love the team. Why? I became an Arsenal fan. Why though?

Why do you think? Well, it started to bond with Bobby. Why do you think it is that she likes the team? Why? Because of my passion. Yeah, so that's where it started. That's where it started. She wants your love.

So she loves what you love. Well, let's face it. We love each other, but we don't have a lot to talk about. We went to a dinner together and they took our phones away and it was kind of hard for us. That was a great day though. It was great.

Oh, so, so. But we ran out of. You were mad. Oh, can we talk about that day? They took away your phone and you were at dinner without a phone? Yeah, yeah. I've never seen that in my entire, I'm not kidding.

In the 20 years I've known you, I've never seen you at a meal not on your phone. Yeah, and if I liked Arsenal then, it would have been different. Yeah, yeah, that's right. So here's what happened, okay? We were gonna go eat, go, and then you go, then, it would have been way different. Yeah, yeah, that's right. So here's what happened, okay? We were gonna go eat, go, and then you go, I don't wanna have lunch.

You said you guys go get lunch. You said you guys go get lunch. Go get lunch. Verbatim. But then you were mad that we had lunch without you. Because you went to a fucking five-star restaurant. Yeah, if I knew you were going to Michelin, I thought you were just gonna grab a snack

like we've been doing. I didn't think you were gonna go to a fucking sit-down Michelin restaurant. I thought, hey, grab lunch, we'll all just grab lunch and then we'll have a nice dinner. But it was discovery. So we couldn't find, we looked and looked and looked and then we found this place and then-

Oh, we stumbled into a Michelin restaurant? No, literally we did. Yeah, basically this is what, we walked by it. We did. Is there no sign? There was no sign. It was like- You stumbled into a Michelin restaurant.

Yes. Yeah, so then I got, no, we Googled it. There it is. Yeah, we Googled it. Oh shit. Yeah, actually, literally, I was looking for restaurants and he goes, no, no, no, no, no, just type in expensive restaurant.

Correct. Then we found one. So we walk by and then you go, I don't think, it's here, I think it's gone. Yeah. I go, I think, you know that fancy door that the stairs go down? Yeah, go down those stairs into that alley and check that door. And go read on the sign. Yeah, and she checked, it was the restaurant. Yeah, I think you know that fancy door the stairs Go down those stairs and go read on the side door. Yeah, and she checked it was the restaurant

Yeah, and you don't bring a door doorbell. Yeah, right. Then we got buzzed in. Yeah walk down the stairs It was probably one of the best Meals we had I think this was in Sydney, right? Yeah, do you remember the name of the place the Gidley? Something like that. Yeah, the Gidley the Gidley. I think that's what it was called. Yeah. Yeah the Gidley I think that's it's close to that shout out to the giddily in Sydney. It was incredible It is might but they took our phones. They put them in little they go. Here's something cork And we didn't hear what take your phones put it in I respect the fuck out of that Yeah, what chapelle does at his shows? Yeah, and we sat there and then we didn't do we talked about comedy and like the state of comedy

But like that can only last so long. Yeah, but Yeah, we went into this store in Perth. That was a sports vintage store and there was some. That's how I was. Yeah. And I saw one that I really liked. It was like my fit. But I was like, I'm such a poser if I wear this. I go, you teach me about arsenals that weird.

Well, he said, are you serious? Yeah. And then so we educate her and she memorized a bunch of things and now you can wear the jacket, I think. I think I'm close. I think you can wear the jacket. I really like them. Cause it's like, I get super into certain shows like Mr. Robot.

Wait, wait, why are you guys laughing? No, it's cute. Why? Cause it's sweet. There's something else, look at Carlos. I don't, I just thought it was nice No, because you're so strict on people about wearing jerseys and making them afraid of being posers that she should have just been able to Wear well now I will say Bobby's been nothing but like I was afraid if I wanted to like this team He would get mad because that's his thing, but he's been nothing but like no like it

Because it's like it's something that no one ever wants to talk to about with me I love this she's doing it, but I really really yeah And I realized what I've always wanted to get into a sport, but I never could know where to start Yeah, and it's like certain shows like mr. Robot and arcane like I love them so much But they end and I just it clicked like certain shows like Mr. Robot and Arcane, like I love them so much, but they end. And I just, it clicked, like sports, I get why people like them now. They never end.

They never end. You get new people every year. New seasons, and so I'm really into this. The drama. Right, I'm on season 40 of all my local sports teams. Yeah. Except I don't like the cast on any of my sports teams. Well, you switched to Arsenal, dude, they're great. Well, I don't like soccer, on any of my sports teams. Well, you switched to Arsenal, didn't they?

They're great. Well, I don't like soccer, but that's the other things. We both love sports individually, but I'm not a soccer guy, but I like that you like it. I don't see how, it's like basketball and American football together. Uh, no, I like- Because it moves so fast.

Yeah, I like fast-paced scoring. Like, you like basketball? Basketball's the best, it like fast paced scoring. Like you like basketball. Basketball is the best. It's fast paced scoring. Yeah, but they're bouncing around the field. It's. Whoa. Yeah. That sounded. Yeah. Yeah. The reason why I like soccer is because when you do score, it's just that much more potent.

I was screaming alone in my living room. You mean? Yeah, it is. I just like to see black guys dunk. Okay. I like to see- Then Arsenal's one of the first teams to allow black people on their team. Oh, then I definitely don't like them.

Oh, really? Yeah. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. It's awesome. Wow, I didn't know that. Wow, wow. So they were the first team to have black players?

One of them, I don't know if the first, but they got some backlash for that, some blacklashers. A little bit of blacklash from that. So this is a photo here, this is a photo of McCone in bed with, who is that? That's my mom. Now what are you doing in bed with? Whoa!

Where'd you get that? We got this from a fan. A fan. Wow. And I didn't ever find a good time to show you guys. Oh, I love that. We literally got it the first day and I would pack it. Can I have that?

Yeah, of course. Well, can we just put it up at the studio here? I want it. Why can't we put it here? Please let me have it. You may. Behind my mom. Yeah, I mean you definitely have that photo. Yeah, I was like, put it up at the studio here? I want it. Why can't we put it here? Please let me have it. You may. My mom. Yeah, I mean you definitely have it. You have that photo Yeah, I was like where'd they get it up like that. Well can we print out a real nice one? That looks like shit I want that one. Okay, we'll give you that one

Yeah, can I see it? Wait, let Andrew hold it. I want to see a side by side What do you guys think? What do you say? I want to see a side by side. What do you guys think? What do you say? Is it close? Is it close? I hate you.

I'm puppy mom. I love your mom. I love your mom too so much. I actually miss her. And I'm coming out to Phoenix. Can you line it up? Can I plug some dates? Yeah.

I'm going to Sunnyvale and Fort Worth and Dallas all next year. Colorado Springs, Rochester, New York. Ooh. I know I'm forgetting some stuff, but it's all coming together. My tour, I'll post it. And my merch will be up too, jetskyjohnson.com. With the glasses?

The glasses will always be up on Rainbow Optics, but my t-shirts, I finally got an online store that'll Mail them out. So if you can't go to a live show where I'll always have merch you can buy it online Finally, wait, is it is it? JetskiJohnson.com is that up your merch? Yes right now go look at it Let me pull it up also by the way to the Australian fans that asked us why the fuck we didn't bring merch I'll tell you why we hunted for a way to bring you guys merch

Local companies of course is what we'd have to use because it would cost too much to ship merch in the United States. And all the local companies that we tried to work with, it just wasn't, it wasn't gonna work. So that's why. We just wasn't gonna work out for us, for you guys. It wasn't cost effective or efficient for you guys to get good merch from us that we cared about

to distribute to you. So, we have great merch all the time on the website. So sorry we didn't bring anything with us, but it just wasn't gonna work. Can I ask you a question? Yeah. I got invited to a Thanksgiving with somebody. Should I go, you think?

Can you tell, tell them? Michael Bay. Michael Bay. Yeah. You're gonna blow up that bathroom. Yeah. Imagine that the fucking whole table just explodes. Yeah.

Lights on fire. You think I should go? I have no plans. From a personal perspective, do you wanna come to my house? and the fucking whole table just explodes. Lights on fire. You think I should go? I have no plans. From a personal perspective, do you want to come to my house? Who's going to your house? Nobody, my cousin and a friend or two. Yeah, maybe. You come to my house.

Yeah, maybe. But if the Michael Bay thing is real, I'll go there. 100%. Yeah, I know your priorities. Best friend, Michael Bay. I just think that it would be like an interesting story. Of course, I assume. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, my assumption, the reason I didn't invite you to Thanksgiving, honestly, my assumption is you would not wanna do that. Well, you know, well, can I say something to you? Have I not been showing up to places? No, you do. I'm saying- Lately, I've been being very mindful

about going to different places. I agree. And when I get invited and I go. But I'm saying- I go to raves, I don't, whatever. We talked about inviting you. Yeah. And my wife was like, do you I'm saying- I go to raves, I don't, whatever. We talked about inviting you. Yeah. And my wife was like, do you want to invite Bob?

I said, yeah, but I don't think he would like this kind of thing. Because I don't know, you know, traditionally- If you're going to be anal, then no. I am, I'm sure. Well, I'm going to be a mess. Yeah. Yeah, I don't want you at the house.

I'm going, I'm going. No, go to Michael Bay's, please, please. I'm going, I'm going. Now that I think about it. I'm going. You know what else- There's cranberry sauce on the ceiling? Yeah. There's another thing that I've noticed is at this comedy to Michael Bay's, please, please. I'm going. Now that I think about it. I'm going. You know what else? The cranberry sauce on the ceiling.

Yeah, there's another thing that I've noticed is at this comedy store, people have been like, I had a waitress come up to me and go, have you been working out? I go, no. Why are you laughing? I'm saying the OZempig is working. And then Steph Tolove goes, oh, I see it now.

Yeah. Yeah. Stand up, stand up, for real. You don't have to, just stand up. You don't have to stand up. You don't do anything else but stand up. We can see it. It's an obvious difference. Can you or no?

Yes. Be honest. We've said it every fucking day. It used to protrude. Wait a minute. What did you say, Carlos? You can't tell? I can't tell.

So I see him every day. You can totally tell. You need to take more. Oh my god. What did he do? That's what I'm saying. He wants me to overdose on ozone. No, don't do this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He wants me to overdose on those and no don't do this he wants me to die It's like weed you can't overdose. Yeah. No, no, you literally can and also let's stop plugging. It was M. Pick

It's it's fucking way go V. We go V. Yeah. Yeah, the other one The amount of people that commented on my Instagram about you you let they were let down because they thought you were on Oz M pick And so they were too. Yeah now you're on We Go V. And now people were like, fuck, I gotta switch. No, I'm still on, I have Black Market Ozempic too. Oh, you do? You bad boy. We Go V. I do both.

I do both. The smeglitude. But it is working. Everyone on tour has said that. There was a few ladies that said that on tour. I mean, it was just true. The truth is the truth. I'm so hungry.

But don't eat. I'm not. Yeah, just don't. Bobby wants it because he wants to be, say it with me, Hollywood. Ripped. Well, you want to be ripped. Jacked, I think it was. Jacked. Ripped and jacked.

What did you say in the van? You'll see. You'll see. You'll see. And that's the name of the special, you'll see. Be jacked. Absolute jacked and ripped. And you know what? I think you're on your way. I mean, you're see, be jacked. Absolute jacked and ripped. And you know what? I think you're on your way.

I mean, you're definitely losing the weight. Are you late night snacking? No. No, look at me, nothing. Not even like a Kit Kat or a Chippy? Well, last night I went to Shabu Shabu, was my first meal. Of the day.

Of the day. And then after the store, Andrea Jin goes, let's go have dinner. I'm like, I already ate. She said, just call. So I went to. Sun and Dang. Right. And they had this. I had a couple of dumplings and then that's nothing.

And then I went to a dude. I've been going to Wee Spa every day. It's been great. In fact, last night at Wee Spa. It's so interesting. I'm in the fucking Wee Spa every day. It's been great. In fact, last night at Wee Spa. It's so interesting. I'm in the fucking dry sauna completely naked and I sit like this. That's how you're supposed to sit. You know, I mean, I just got to sit like this. I lean like this. Mm hmm.

You know, and there's only a lot of black guys in there, which I love. Like, what's up, bro? No, so you got to show off. Yeah. And I do this. I'm not afraid of my little guy. Right, there's two white dudes sitting there and I was looking at them like this, I was looking at them like this and they were like, what are you looking at man? You guys.

Yeah, I'm looking right at you. Yeah, and they go, oh. And I go, what do you guys do? I go, we're actors. We just moved here from, I forgot where. You know, I got there, we talked a little bit bit about it's dry, you know what I mean? And then later when I'm done, they come up to me and go, you're Bobby Lee, I can't believe it.

I go, why didn't you say that in the dry song? Yeah, why'd you save that? You didn't think it was the penis thing? I don't think so, what do you think? Well, they might've been threatened. But it's like, you can just say, you're Bobby Lee, right? What's the problem here? Well, because it's kinda hard to, your you can just say, you're Bobby Lee, right? What's the problem here? Well, cause it's kind of hard to,

your cock is right there. So they might want to save the excitement for when they don't see your cock. Oh, what if I started getting hard? That's why that'd be so funny, dude. You're Bobby Lee. Dooo. You do get excited when people notice you.

I love you. When's the last time you went to WeSpa? Forever. Yeah. It's been so long. Have you gone? No, I don't. I love it though. the last time you went to WeSpa? Forever. Yeah. It's been so long. Have you gone? No, I don't. I love it though, I wanna go back.

You wanna go tonight? You're going every day? To WeSpa? Yeah. I'm not going to that dry sauna with you. Why? There's a women's department. There's a women's department.

Yeah, there's a section. It's like men and women. You would go in your own section. Yeah. What is it like, walk me through it, because I can't, I have no idea what it is. Can I ask you something? Yeah. What is it like? Walk me through it because I can't, I have no idea what it is. Can I ask you something? Yeah.

I'm not trying to start anything at all. Yeah. Are there, are there trans people in the Saunas? No. Okay. Well there was a- That's a real- There was a controversy at WeSpo.

Do you know the controversy? No. So WeSpo is it, see that's, see what, see that photo right there? They give you clothes and so there's a like a, you know, a co-ed area of the spa. But there's no nudity. There's no nudity. There's like a clay room, a salt room, and then we're fully clothed with other people and you steam out there and do your thing there. You can meditate, you can, there's yoga.

And there's a women's department too. Right? Anyway, the controversy was if you go to WeSpa there's kids. Sure. Running around, you know, there's like a lot of like in my section, little boys running around. Not late at night, but yes. Even late at night. Sometimes? Oh yeah, yeah. Wow. Yeah, yeah. Even late night. You'll see like a Korean kickoff You know I mean right and you're trying to like, you know me be cool, you know, but um You know, yeah, you gotta be cool. That'd be cool man. So a couple years ago. Oh a man a woman a True a trans woman right who hasn't had the procedure sure went to the women's department

Uh-huh, and there's little girls there. I think that's what happened. Right, Reed? And then there was protest, because they kicked the girl out. A trans woman with presence of a nude individual with a penis, most commonly believed to be a trans woman, the women's changing area of the spa,

the video went viral, attracting significant attention from gender critical feminists, also termed trans exclusionary, oh, TERFs, right, and some media which led to protests and counter protests. Some media outlets initially questioned whether or not the alleged incident had been a hoax. They reported, again, the transgender woman

was charged with indecent exposure relating to the alleged incident after four women and one minor girl filed police reports in July. Suspect is awaiting trial on seven counts of exposure. And finally, judge ruled that the indecent exposure case could proceed citing the testimony of two witnesses and the individual in question had partial or full erection for a duration of 30 to 60 minutes during the incident. That's a bummer.

It's a bummer to have a boner, but that spa is phenomenal. I mean, if I could walk around there hard, I would. Yeah. Imagine taking a fucking blue chew, then going to WeSpa. But it's also a cultural thing. It's a Korean establishment, right? That's right. What?

Yeah. Yes. And they're like, you know, it's just a different culture and it was just like, what else are they gonna do? You're saying they, you're saying they're just in their, in their removal of the... I mean, because I know that there's always little girls and little boys. I'm talking about five, six-year-old kids running around.

Right. It's just a part of Korean culture to bring your kids to a spa. It's like, you know? Yeah. I would do it if I was a father. I don't know. I just think that it's inappropriate. It's hard for your kid to see someone else's penis.

This kid only sees my penis. My kid sees my penis. Yeah, but they're little girls, right? So he's in the women's department. I know. You know what I mean? Do you remember the first time you saw your dad's penis, by the way?

When I saw it or sucked it. Okay. You should have did. I remember the moment I see my dad's penis. I mean, what a bummer. I almost grew up on a nudist colony. Did I ever tell you guys that? What?

You almost did, so you didn't. No, my dad wanted to take me to a nudist colony and my mom was like, I don't want the first penis she sees to be your penis. How old were you? I don't even remember it, but it had to have been after they were divorced. So probably around six to eight.

Seven, yeah. Yeah. Wow, a nudist colony. Different life. Are there any nudist colonies in Southern California? Welcome to Southern California's premier family nudist resort and RV park, located halfway between Los Angeles and San Diego.

Glen Eden is nestled 154 acres with the base of the Cleveland National Forest. We're the perfect combination for a resort for amenities and nature and so on. Do we have to go to this? There's a nude, and look, it's a Korean woman on the photo. Glen Eden Sun Club here in Southern California, the largest member-owned nudist and resort club.

I am joining. Why? Because, dude, clothes are so fucking dumb. I know, but look at that photo to the left, right? Yeah. Those are what we're gonna be saying. Yeah, I don't wanna grow up there. Fun, fun, fun. Like Clint Eastwood's dust dick.

Hello, partner. Yeah, I mean, just. No, no, I'm saying retire here. I don't think you should grow up here. I should retire, I wanna retire here. Okay, I mean. Don't you hate laundry? Yeah.

Imagine never doing laundry again and every day waking up, eating naked, swimming naked, hanging out naked. Not worrying about it. You love the WeSpa naked in the sauna. Imagine if that's every day. That's true. And cause you got a nice little cock who cares,

run around with it. What's the difference? And they do toys for tots. That's great. They do blood drives. I mean, this place is fantastic. And look at this, they're plant-based. You can go vegan there if you feel like it.

I'm in, call us up. Call us up. There's just some things you can't do naked. When did clothes first start happening? Cavemen, cavemen probably. Well, I'm sure, I mean, before anything, clothes were probably for fucking warmth. And protection, yeah. And protection.

And then it became about puritanical fucking ideologies of covering up parts of your body. Like shoes was probably the first thing. Yeah. Yeah. Look, they got the first shoe in Africa on there on between 30,000 and 120,000 years ago. Oh, just a small gap between 30,000 I know. Wow.

And 120,000 years ago, early clothing was made from animal skins and fur and leaves and grass and wrapped drape tied around the body. Clothing changed with wealth. I mean, I just think like, you know, there was a point when nudity in the summer was chill and somebody didn't like it. Some small dick weirdo was like, we should cover up. That's so funny.

That's probably exactly how it happened. You know what I mean? Some small dick loser in the community was like, I don't like to see other guys' penises, it's gross. And everybody's like, what are you talking about? What are you talking about, yeah. Everyone has their penis out. I think it's gross. Yeah, as soon as like Leroy moved into the

Yeah, right, right. Yeah, right. Leroy, as soon as Leroy... I don't like when Jermaine comes over Yeah, yeah. For dinner. I don't like it. Yeah, yeah. Your wife is like what is what's the problem? Yeah. He's not my kind of guy Yeah, yeah. Some fucking huge cock guy moved into a community and then all these fucking insecure dudes were like, we should wear clothing. I don't like that that's out. You know, I want to move into the village where the Changs live. And by the way, that's how Hacienda started, little community where they're like, that's where the Asians are, that's where the whites are, that's where the black dudes are.

But do you think that if you had a time machine and you went back where cavemen were, right, and you were wearing modern clothes, they would freak out? They probably, well, they'd kill you on sight. Like I'm wearing like a Fubu tracksuit. You don't own that, do you? I don't know, but I would buy one. Like a full Fubu tracksuit.

Yeah, they might like it. A fedora, do you think they'd be like, whoo, whoo, whoo? They'd kill you on sight. Oh, they would? Well, cause you'd look like a future person. Oh, yeah. Oh, really? Like a spacesuit.

Like that. If we shot me, Darnell. Yeah, yeah. You, who else? Me. Doc. Me, you, Doc, Darnell. Yeah, Darnell, and just with full-blown identical Fubutrax suits. Fubutrax suits.

They'd be excited at first. Yeah, yeah. Cause we'd look like we're like a group of aliens. Yeah, yeah. Oh, then we would we're like a group of aliens. Yeah, yeah. Oh, then we would. And different colors too, imagine. No. A Korean and a redhead and black guys.

Yeah, you know what I would do? And we start rapping. Right. Oh, oh, oh. Imagine how happy they'd be to hear rap. Right. Cause they would go. Do, do, do, do, do.

Yeah, it's natural. They would start going along. Yeah, they would hear the rhythm. Yeah, that'd be cool. One of the cavemen starts fucking robotting. And then they kill us and eat us. And wear the clothes. If you, would you ever eat human?

If you had. Or have you. If you had to. Like that one movie, is it alive or? Alive, yeah, the soccer team. The soccer team, yeah. Would you do it? I don't know what, I presume I would because I don't know what extreme hunger is like.

What if you got into a plane accident and you crashed in the Andes mountains but you still were taking your Ozempic to curb your appetite for humans? Like you would just- Oh, I would definitely do that. You would just double down on it. I would double down on it.

Then you're like, well, I'm not that hungry. Right. And everyone's like, how are you? How are you doing this? Yeah, nothing. Psst. All right, anyway, thank you for being a bad friend. Great. Woo, yeah, woo, yeah, woo, yeah.