Bad Friends - Rated F for Fun

Episode Date: June 27, 2022

Get Tickets To Tomorrow's Live Stream: https://www.momenthouse.com/badfriends Thank you to our Sponsors:  https://www.doordash.com code: BADFRIENDS2022 & BLUECHEW YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube Audio Subscribe: https://apple.co/31Jsvr2 Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com 0:00 Fancy's Sesame Street Lesson 1:35 Bad Friends Live Stream Is Finally Here 4:27 Introducing Jessie Johnson, The Door Person 10:43 Dreadlocks on Whites & Amber Scissorhands 16:00 A Career Defining Scene w/ Meryl Steep and Peter Dinklage  24:36 Working on Transformers 5 & Big Time Rush 29:08 Yabba Dabba Doo 36:53 Do You Like Money 42:20 Fine Dining in LA & The Home of the Combo 46:09 The Bad Friends Juicy Burger 1:00:17 Who Has a Better Reputation? 1:11:21 Taking Jessie Out to Dinner More Jessie Johnson Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jetskijohnson Twitter: https://twitter.com/jetskijohnson More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger:  https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino  Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Rudy Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendrudy More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/   Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod   Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom  Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Andrés Rosende & Pete Forthun This video contains paid promotion. #bobbylee #andrewsantino #badfriends Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hi, Carlos! Hi, Andres! What are we doing here today? We're learning how to tell time. Holy moly! Our fans shouldn't listen to their leader Bobby Lee so much. He needed Mark Marin to teach him how to tell time. Oh no!

Do you think our fans don't know how to tell time? I don't think they do. How about we teach them? Let's teach them. Did you know there are three time zones in the US? There are actually four. Oh yeah, but nobody cares about the mountain people, right? Yeah, no, just white people. Let's think about three time zones. What are they?

New York, Chicago, Los Angeles. Or, as other people might know it, Eastern, Central, and Western time. Oh, okay. That's fantastic! So, let's see if it's nine o'clock in LA. What time is it in New York? Fourteen. Oh, oh, oh.

Wait, how do I do this, Andres? It's only three hours difference. So, we have to make this small hand go three numbers up. Oh. It's nine in LA. It's 12 in New York. That's when Bad Friends comes out. Is that so difficult, your moronic audience, to understand?

You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? White dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. You two are something. We're bad friends. Welcome to Bad Friends! Hey, we got these new shirts. I love them.

This is, you know why we got these new shirts? This is the Bad Friends Family Live. We're doing a live show, June 28th. June 28th. June 28th. Go to momenthouse.com slash badfriends to sign up to watch this live show. It's a Christian live show. It's a Christian live show.

I'm getting baptized. I'm baptizing you. You're baptizing me by Joseph Smith? Joseph Smith? Exactly, man. Yes. And it's going to be great. So, watch Bad Friends Live.

You can watch it from your couch, from the bathtub, from a spaceship. Yeah. You can watch from anywhere. It's a Christian only show. It's going to be, what is below G? Below G is H, no, A, B, C, D, E, F. It'll be F. It'll be rated F. Yeah, yeah.

For fuck yeah, watch Bad Friends Live. Yeah. June 28th, sign up now. Why didn't they have a rating G? Like in the movies, if they had a rated G movie. Wait, it is G. G is the lowest rating. No, G is the good one, the Christian one. But is there a, they should have a rating that's beyond F, that's worse.

What, I mean, that's bad. What do you mean, that's beyond X? There's NC 17. Oh, there's NC 17. It goes G, PG, PG 13. PG 13, F? No, not F. R.

R, that's right, R. R, then. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Idiot. Dude, I just woke up, so I have no idea what's going on. Then NC 17, and then X is pornography. Yeah. You mean one beyond X.

X, one beyond X is what I meant to say. Like murder porn. Yeah, but it's still directed by legit people. Like to Quentin Jeremy. Like what would be a Q? Have you guys seen a Serbian film? Serbian? A Serbian film.

A Serbian. Are you saying the country Serbia? Yeah. A Serbian film. A Serbian film. Say the letter B. B. Say Serbian.

Serbian. There it is. There it is. Only took you five times to do it. Yeah. We cannot have him on this show anymore. I know, I know. He's doing this stuff.

Well, don't talk. He's a producer-engineer guy, right? We love the fancy. So a Serbian film. So that's rated beyond X? That is, yeah, like banned. It's banned. That's sick if you get your film back.

We have to get that movie. Yeah. Now, would you feel guilty for jerking off at that movie? Yes. Okay, I won't. I refuse to. What do you mean you'd feel guilty? What is the movie about?

It's a horror film about a porn star who has, like, you know, sex with babies and- Okay, okay, okay, okay. No, we can't watch it. We can't watch it. We can't watch it. We can't watch it. Can we introduce Jess or- What the fuck are you talking about?

Fancy? Yeah. Why would you watch that? Did you direct it? Is that what you're teaching those kids in film school? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Every one class assignment to watch a Serbian film. So first Kurosawa.

Kurosawa first. And then we're going to talk about Orson Welles. And then Serbian film. That's the last chapter. All right, so. Let's introduce our guest. Yeah. We've been trying.

She canceled us one time before. Yeah, what was that about? I was in South by and I was doing some shows out there and Bobby called me and I could have flown back, but I drove out there. So to take- Do you think Bobby could have paid for a plane ticket for you to fly back here? No. I mean, yes, but I would have done it.

Yes, I would have done it. No, you wouldn't have. Yeah, I would have. OK. But I asked you, is this the end of my career? And then what did I say? You said yes. And then you said, ha, just kidding.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but we're not kidding. It was the end. Yeah. That was it. This is the funeral for your career. Is Bono mad? You stole his glasses?

Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, were you a big YouTube fan? Like, oh man, Josh is great. Do you know how old are you? 32. She's aware of that being put on your phone without your. Talk about the original without consent.

You two sexually assaulting our phones with their fucking music. Remember when they just put it on your iTunes? More like me too. Me. That's it. Boom. That's a joke.

She's here. Yeah. So Jessie Johnson is a, she's a door person at the store. Door person. And comic. How about fucking, what a shitty fucking intro. Jessie, what's wrong with you today? Jessie is so aggressive.

She's a good comedian. I'm just trying to lay up some fucking lob, man. Jessie's a good comedian. She's a great comedian. She's a door person. Who works at the comedy store. You don't have to say door person. Is she not?

She said, just say she works at the comedy store. She works at the comedy store as a. She works there as a comedian who works there. And she does extra activities. I have extracurriculars. Well, the vagueness of that is bad. Okay. What does that mean?

She, she goes, can I see your ID? Yeah, yeah. People need to. Hey, you know what her latest thing that was pissing me off? What were you pissing me off? We were in the hallway, right? Oh, yeah. So it's me, Letterman.

Who was it? Oh, yeah. Who else was there? David. Shane Gillis was there. Shane Gillis. Trevor Wallace. Trevor Wallace, where it's just sitting quietly talking.

Quiet. Quietly talking. Like we were in a library, right? And this woman comes up to me, this door person, and goes, guys, um, you guys can keep it down. Show, show's going on. I'm on her side. You probably were being too loud.

If we weren't. The showroom is right there. I bet you were talking too loud, and people heard you in the showroom. No, what was happening? So people complaining? Well, I will tell you, people were complaining like a lot, and you know, and looking around.

But then when you came in and they saw it was you doing it, they were like, oh my God, that's Bobby leaving loud. Don't do that to him. Don't give him that. That's exactly. No, don't. That's what I wanted. No.

That's exactly what happened, and it's a factual truth. But I was kind of happy you walked in the room, because I was like, do I have to, how am I to diffuse the situation? But because you came in like shy, like you didn't know what to do. Because you were like, you guys need to shut the fuck up. You got to be assertive.

When you're talking to Shane Gillis, that guy's like, you know what I mean? Doughboy. Is that what you want to call him? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That guy's doing it, and Trevor's like, you know, Hiv City, you know what I mean? He's a Hiv patient?

No, he just looks skinny and just kind of frail. You know what I mean? You can't just let these fucking Doughboys and Hivis, you know what I mean? Boss you around, dog. That's right. Yeah. That's a life lesson.

It's a life lesson. Doughboys and Hivis, man. Can't let these Hiv kids and Doughboys put on my duty to aggressive. A little bit today. Yeah, yeah, I'm so sorry. I just woke up, so that's my excuse. When did you wake up, Jesse?

I woke up at eight or nine. Reasonable hour. Yeah. Yeah. And you worked late last night because I saw you there last night. Yeah, I worked a lot last night. Yeah, yeah.

Where are you from? San Diego? Arizona. Oh, why did I say San Diego? Did I? I don't know why you said that. I think everybody from the store is from San Diego. Everyone that comes up to work,

I'm always like, are you all from San Diego? Arizona, Phoenix? Yeah, Phoenix. God bless. Scottsdale, Scottsdale. That's where I went to college. Where'd you go? Scottsdale Community? Fighting Artichokes.

There you go, baby. They're called the Fighting Artichokes. I went to Arizona State. You know that, right? Oh, we're rivals. Well, not really. One of us went to college. What's the Fighting Artichoke?

The other one went to Scottsdale Community College. It's the Fighting Artichoke. That's their symbol. Yeah, that's our mascot. That's hilarious. That almost seems like it's like make-believe college. But it grows so plentifully up there. Do you know Artichokes are everywhere in Scottsdale?

Oh, they are? No. I don't know that. Yeah, I've never seen an artichoke. I've never seen it on the menu. It has no connectivity. Yeah. Do you know when we got our place,

when I moved into my place, three artichoke plants on my front? I didn't even know that they grow like that in the wild? Yeah. Just in our front yard? Really? So you could like randomly see artichoke plants growing in your shit? When I moved in, they were budding and big and I was like,

Well, somebody had planted them, right? The guy that lived there before, but I was like, he didn't know me. Hippy, hippie. Huh? Hippy dippy. Yeah. Hippy dippy. I hate hippie dippies.

I'm not a hippie dippy dippy. I hate them more than you hate them. No, no, no. I do. You haven't understood. They make me nauseous. What's the biggest thing about him? Because when I was in high school,

that's the plant that's in my front. It's crazy. It's huge. Yeah. When I was in high school, I was so into, this is so gross. Drugs and dick? No, but I was into those two things too. But I was also, but thirdly, you know what I mean?

My third favorite thing. It went dicks, drugs, but my third thing. And dicks and drugs would switch depending on the day. Some days. I would do a combo. Dick drug. Dick drug. I would do a dick drug.

Because dick is your drug. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So anyway, so dicks, drugs, and then, but the third thing that I was into was kind of like, I was one of those weird artsy emo kids. Yeah. Well, you were in a band.

I saw the band. Yeah, but not only that, but I was into Chris Howeff. Like so gross. Like I was into Chris Howeff. I was into like the level of undergrad. Like, and if it wasn't like Roxy Music or, you know what I mean? It's like a cool thing, right? So all my other friends were into The Grateful Dead.

They would actually go and travel and go see them. And I just hated the smell of patchouli. I don't like hair on the legs. Yeah. Yeah. I don't like pit hairs, you know what I mean? So I would always like fight with them about it. Like, I don't want to see a show where they're doing a jam and G major.

You don't like that. A 45 minute jam and G. Two minute song, man. I got shit to do, man. But they're just like G major and a flute popping into, fuck you, man. I like the flute. Dude, you always do devil's advocate. I enjoy it.

And that's why we're close. So we'll stop. Stop, stop. It's the parts of the show. Yeah. But anyway, I hate all of that. I don't like tie-dye. Crystals.

Crystals, tie-dye. Dreadlocks on whites. Yeah. Always, always. Dreadlocks on whites is always. Dreadlocks on whites. That's a good fucking. It's just not for us.

It's not ours. Yeah. So stop. That's the one appropriation where I'm mad that we don't get mad about. Yeah. All the cultural appropriation that people get mad about. Why not dreadlocks?

Why doesn't that get clapped on more? That's gotta be. But it's just dirty hair. Yeah. Yeah, but for. It's clumpy dirty hair. But for what? They're allowed to have dirty hair.

Who? Whites. No. Whites aren't allowed to have dirty hair? Sure. Anybody's allowed to have dirty hair. But this is a conscious effort to make it dreadlocks. That's true.

If you're homeless and you have dreadlocks, I'll give you a pass. Maybe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah. If you're homeless, you get a pass about anything. Look at that.

Johnny Depp culturally. That didn't get brought up in the trial. Ooh, that would have been good. I mean, sure, she pooped his bed, but this is this is important behavior, acting like you're a non. Look at that. What is that?

Yeah. All pirates all had dreads, I guess, huh? Yeah, but it's a character, man. No, it's not. That's Johnny Depp. Did you see the clip that Amber heard somebody put up today? They were like, is this real?

Where she's like, they said that you were acting. And she's like, oh, is this was this told to you by the man that convinced the world that he had scissors for hands? Oh my God, that was awesome. You already typed it in. You know this clip. Isn't this crazy? I was like, is this real?

Look at this. Listen to this. In the closing arguments, the Depp lawyer said, called your testimony the performance of a lifetime and said you were acting. What do you say to that? That says the lawyer for the man who convinced the world he had scissors for fingers?

Oh, you've got to be really. Pause that. What the fuck are you? She's lost her mind. What were you thinking? Yeah, yeah. They said your performance at the stand was that you were acting like you had emotion.

And she's like, yeah, but my ex-boyfriend played a scissorhand man. She was dating James Roll Jones. Says the man who was wearing the black cape and the black space hat. Sure. Yeah, sure. Sure.

Sure, man. I mean, what did you talk about? Yeah, sure. We're not in space. If that's what you call it. Yeah, yeah. It's insane. Did she watch that and think he really had scissorhands?

See, that's what I think. I think she really does think that every role you take, you become that person for real. Actually, you know what? That's the only guy that does do that is what's his name? Fucking Lincoln. That dude thinks he is Lincoln. Yeah.

He owned slaves during the movie. Yeah, yeah. But that's called method acting. And I'm allowing that. I disallow it. Method acting. They're allowed to do it. Gone out gone.

I don't want to be in the movie with them. Like when Jared Leto threw at a table read. Yeah, he threw. For Suicide Squad. He threw a pig under the table read table where Will Smith was sitting. He should have slapped him. You know what?

I think Will Smith doesn't know when to slap. But that's when the. That's when actually he was like, I'm going to slap that motherfucker. And it stayed in his head for like two years. Two years. And they came out with the Chris Rock thing. For some reason he came out on Chris Rock.

But yeah, that's irritating. I don't. I just don't. What do you think about method acting? Are you an actor? Yes. Do you think? Why?

Why? Why? Why? You are an actor. Yeah. I'll take the role. You want to. Have you acted in anything?

I mean, just we're not new. Yeah. I have a long background in sketch comedy since I was 15 and doing like live acting and sketches. So you do want to be an actor too. Yeah. Not just a stand-up. I want to be a comedic actor.

You want to do both? Yes. If one took priority, what would it be? Like if the if the business was like, Hey man, you gotta choose. You got to be an actor or a stand-up? Comedic acting. Oh, oh, so stand-up is.

All right. What about I wanted I love stand-up. Yeah. So yeah, okay. Let's say you're somebody calls you All right So on June 29th, you have two gigs one is you get to open up for Dave Chappelle right in front of you know 70,000 people. Yeah, right and all you have to do is eight minutes and Netflix and everyone's gonna be there So this is a good opportunity or you have a scene with Daniel Day Lewis Just listen Tom Hardy. Mmm. And give me somebody else a woman a Meryl Streep, right? But you're you're in the scene with them and Chris Hemsworth and Chris Hemsworth

And Jason Momoa. Yeah, and then the little one Peter Dinklage. Yeah The little one they're all in it. That's the whole Dinklage though Piggered in it's great because you're sort of like a Siamese twin like Peter Dinklage You're underdeveloped by so we're gonna do a whole process of the thing where he's coming out of your body He's stuck to your body. Yeah, okay, Meryl Streep and everyone else is playing your doc. They're doctors But it's an emotional scene. I mean, this is Oscar worthy and you're dying. You're dying. Yeah. Yeah, and P There's no lines. No, he I think in the script. It says In the dialogue, right, but you have these gigantic chunks. It's and you know, we'll take her to three days

We're gonna shoot this thing. Yeah, because it's four pages of dialogue. Yeah, it's four pages Well, I've seen their show before let's act it out. There it is Oh She's gonna be her Yeah, you playing yourself and basically what you're doing to us is you're you're dying. Dink is on your side Yeah, yeah, and he's writhing in pain. Why let's okay. How about this? on this you play Dink No, no, no, we're not doing it. No, Dink. Dink is on her body. I know but

Who does those lines? Dink you said goes. Yeah Oh, let Pete do that. Oh, yeah, Pete's more dink Pete's more dinky. Yeah. Yeah. And by the way, the cancer that's killing you Yeah, yeah is from Dink. So you receive this cancer from him. He got it because he couldn't stop smoking Yeah, so you got cancer from him because he still connected your body and we're all of your doctors I'm an oncologist. Yeah, who am I playing though? You're a podiatrist. Yeah, but what actor am I playing there's like eight actors? Yeah, yeah, well you you're famous and rich and you're dying and you want to give us your last dying words. Are you playing? I'm Daniel Daniel Lewis

Am I yeah, yeah, I'll be middle street. You should with an English accent though Fine. All right. You're in the in the in the hospital bed Okay, are we a hospice or at a hospital at her? We're at her castle. Oh, yeah We came and we're the best doctors from all over the world playing myself over the world you're playing Yeah, you know what you're playing yourself, right a mega famous Yeah, but you're we're gonna give you a different name. Okay. Yeah, Juicy Juicy Juicy, yeah Juicy Jason Juicy Jason

You're Juicy Jason Juicy Jason. Yeah, yeah, so we walk in So doctor Yes, yes, I can't believe we're here treating Juicy Jason Just relax guys. I'm just a normal person. Juicy we've come here Because we want your final words on what you'd like to do with your body after it passes on Because of course the cancer has gotten worse Because of him Yes, you have he's a cancer. I know that he's your brother. What's his name?

Steve Steve So your parents steamed you Juicy Juicy and Steve Medically we've got one thing we can do. Yeah, we can remove the cancer your brother. Let's do that. Oh And scene We shave off He's like, yeah, and then you're back to being you again. Yeah, so you would take the role. Yeah over the Over the Chappelle slot

Yeah, I feel like I love stand-up, but I it's it's making me the funniest I could be and then if I take that into a comedic acting Yeah, smart smart woman smart woman. That is very smart bad decision though. Well, why I disagree Yeah, I'll because of my argument. Well, that's where your agents and then we're gonna give you the the pros. Well, I'm an agent You're a manager. There's no doubt about that. Oh Yeah, I produce things as well. You sure but you're like a leech. Do you know what I mean? Like I actually get stuff. Oh, and I'm connected. You're gonna be trying to get me Yeah, and I'm the agent hey, well, I'm of course You know, I'm not present. Yeah, I'm definitely on vacation because that's agents. That's all they fucking do. Yeah

Yeah, but I flew you in. Okay. So listen, you're aging your manager here. Hey, hey, kiddo So, you know, you know, you know, you have a dilemma, right? You have two opportunities here, right? So in him we're in an impasse. So my argument is this like Chappelle, right? You know, he's thinking about bringing you on tour, right? So he wants to just see you perform in front of 70,000 people and 270,000 My bad. But anyway, and small city is small city, but yellow knife yellow Springs, you know, I'm just doing me That's true. That's you anyway

I just think that Netflix and HBO and all these people are gonna come out and you know This acting role that you have right? It's a shot in the dark kid because it's like who knows if it's gonna it's a weird part I mean Peter Dinklage is gonna be a Siamese twin coming out of your body It just seems a little odd, you know, and it's like the whole movie is about that The whole scene the whole movie is in that hospital where you're just doing a monologue. It's also tough because it's rated Q You know this but it's there's a weird there is a weird All right, and I don't know if you know this you if you read the stage direction stuff, but you're completely naked Yeah, you've got jumper cables attached to your tits. Yeah. Yeah

Yeah, and they're gonna turn it on every once in a while just to wake you up And so I have two nipples or one because I'm conjoined in this. Well, I we're that's Having those discussions with the studio Part of the discussion he could be Peter Dinklage's other nipple, right? That could change things that could change things a lot, right? And he could also He's known for this Peter Dinklage. I know he has no lines. He's it's a lot of groaning, right? Sure, but he might do some improv and might take over the scene. I was afraid of that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah I knew you would be so anyway. I just think that you should do the show go ahead

The Dave Chappelle show is gonna pay you nothing and this movie is gonna give you 500 grand That's that my that's my pitch. I've thought it over Door right now when I go on the road or I go anywhere in the country or here in LA or in LA The only thing that I use in terms of delivery is door dash because they have the best options They have the quickest delivery drivers. They do and it's just something that um, I rely on I rely on it They connect you with the restaurants you love right now right to your door now you can get the grocery essentials You need with door dash get drinks snacks and other household items delivered in under one hour dinner check, right? Yeah, deodorant check morning pick me up from Duncan check get everything you need whenever you need it with door dash

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$15 or more when you download the door dash app and enter code bad friends 2022 That's 25% up to a $10 value zero delivery fees on your first order when you download the door dash app in the app store And enter the code bad friends 2022. Don't forget. That's bad friends 2022 for 24% off your first order with door dash Subjects to change terms apply. Are we live? We are live. You know what the thing the thing is is this the thing is this this I've always wanted to do a live Right, and I thought live stream and what am I am I in my heart? I'm like who's the best person to do it with and there's that thing though

I just had the you know live stream bad friends live stream. It's gonna be great dude So Tuesday June 28th at 6 p.m. PST. That's Pacific standard times Get your tickets right now a moment house comm moment house comm slash bad friends These shirts are also available only for the time we're doing the live show. Yeah, it's a bad friends family live It's the live stream. You can watch from anywhere. You are if you got access to the interwebs Tuesday June 28th 6 p.m. Get your tickets. We got a bunch of surprises. We might be bringing in some people that we can't talk about We can talk about we might be doing something to both of our bodies. Yeah We might we might kill doc live on the live stream. Yeah, if not kill do something hurt. We might hurt

We might he's gonna die. He's gonna die by the end. He's gonna want to die If he doesn't die, so get your tickets right now at moment house comm slash bad friends June 28th I was also a production assistant for so long. You're a set PA or office PA both Watch out all all sorts of shows but late late show. I worked on their field team all the sketches Yeah, and carpool karaoke's and stuff worked on masterchef Yeah, I've worked on funny or die stuff in movies. My first job was in the wardrobe department on transformers five They made five of those fucking things. That's what I said when I got the fifth ones the best The fifth one's the best wait seriously. They made five. Yeah, I saw three. How many did you see I saw one?

You know how many I saw zero zero. I never saw one of the first ones good I would imagine the first one would be the one that's good with Shia LaBeau. Oh, right that and Megan Fox That one I heard was good. Yeah, but no, I didn't see any of these because why the fuck would I do? Why would I see that shit? Transformers robots in disguise more than meets the eyes. Wait, wait, so it goes transformers Robots in disguise and then more than meets the eye. Yeah, sure something like that Call us universal if you want us to write the soundtrack 67th one. Yeah, so you worked on all those other things. So what's the point?

So you would take the movie instead. Oh, I love being on on site, but I hate being a production assistant Well, right. It sucks, but and then to like to be talent would be awesome. So funny on a big site I'm nicer to those people than I am to the talent I work with Oh, I can't wait to treat. I'm like Let me ask you this this is something that I did want because talent is fucking bullshit But the people that are doing all the work I always like a little bit more because I know they have to do shit. Yeah, but the talent can fuck off I did a show called big-time rush. Okay, and it's like Nickelodeon show something like that

It was it's huge on Nickelodeon. It's you know, I'm being I'm not being physician. This show was massive So I did one episode Stephen Glickman was on it. Yeah, so Stephen Glickman got me on the show show was huge So let's I want you see Jess. I want to see which one is Bobby Which one do you think Bobby? Which one do you think see if Bobby Lee in big-time Ross if you can find that That's exactly right. Yes There you are Bob is that you wearing a hat on big-time rush. Yeah, that was me. Oh my goodness, right and I played like some kid I don't know some 38-year-old kid 40-year-old kid

Right. I remember my lines right. Yo, yo, yo, what's up? You know, whatever what it whatever it was. So anyway That morning when I showed up, right? I had a somebody let's suppose you had this job, right? So I show up and just somebody said Are you an extra and I was such in a bad mood. I go. Yeah Why would you do that? So I go. Yeah, right? So they brought me to the extra holding area and I sat there for an hour and a half Meanwhile, I'm getting calls but I'm not picking them up I'm a piece of shit, right and so then eventually I pick up my go

Well, you know, I was told I was being there for two hours and I was told to go to this thing by this lady Oh, my god, and they're like what? And then they yell at the lady and would you be mad at me if that happened if I knew you or if I didn't know Like you just said are you an extra and I said yes, but I knew you knew I was a series not a series But a principal or somebody you were a guest star guest star. They don't know the guest stars They should fuck you Really? So if you were in a fucking show, right and they go are you an extra? What would you say? I'd say no I'm not background. I'm a guest star on the show today. What's your name? Andrew Santino. Oh your trailer's right here. I fucked up

Yeah Because those people are wrangling thousands of people they don't fucking know who you are right But here's the thing. I was my career was so bad back then. Yeah, you need I write you wanted I needed I needed it Right. I needed it. But you got what you deserved. Yeah, I'm an extra and she's like great. You look like one right this way To the holding. Yeah, yeah, right. So you'd be mad at me I Would be pissed off probably because I was probably like if you were there for hours that that person was probably there for Five or six hours or longer. Think about that. Probably didn't get lunch. Oh, yeah

And if their producers were yelling at them, then they probably don't give a shit about them either God, I love Jesse on this show. You got a permanent seat on this show whenever you want it All right, I'm the one that brought her in. I'm the one that said I said I said I wanted her on the show Yeah, yeah, you go. I think we should have her on the show. I said that's a great idea. Yeah She's fucking great smart and funny and she gives it to a little hostile to me lately I'm gonna get him back. Maybe here's the problem with the dock thing. Yeah with you and yeah, you guys Me and you have known each other for a long time. Yeah, you guys have known each other in a very different way for a long time Yeah, so like romantically. Yes. Well, it was your not romantically. All right. You're on your last leg kid

No, but they have had a relationship because doc worked at the store for so long and Bobby It just there was a that's a strange long long-term friendship. Oh, so I used to kind of Bully him a little bit when he used to open for me a little bit. Yeah, a lot of them to do stuff like Hey, if you don't say yaba-daba do ten times Right, so and I go you can't justify and say tell the audience that Bobby told me to say it So you just in the middle of the city just go yaba-daba do and bomb and bomb Such an asshole such a fucking asshole. Is that me? I'm a bully, right? Yeah, you are I'm gonna change I would change. Nah. No, you won't. Okay. I want you to I want you to change. Yeah

How long you've been to the store now since September? Well officially working there, right? But I've been going around there. Are you moving up a little bit in the ranks? What do you mean? Are you getting better spots? Yes, I know like I'm gonna showcase I'm in we're all in development. So they'll throw us in like the yeah, but I mean is she watching you and stuff like that Yeah, she's watching good and the reason why you know, they used to not watch, you know, that's right Oh, I yeah back in the day. They never watch. Yeah, and they would say they'd watch and they never did and then you'd have to get a fucking Prime showcase spot for anyone to fucking come see you. It's a brutal

It was such a fucking nightmare. It's a nightmare. Nobody watched and they were like, yeah, we saw you they never saw anybody But what got my eye? Attention to you was I was what I was on a on you'd not YouTube I was like watch on tic-tac or something and I came across some of your stand-up This is the girl that does she works at the store as a door person And I just say employee employee of the month. I am in play of the month And I and I literally legitimately laugh we have a gift for you give her that gun. Yeah Yeah, I

The clip I go wow, that's a funny Joe. Yeah, she's funny delivery delivered well and I go and then I just started kind of You know going was like I think she's the future I like your energy when I saw you at the start But let's do this this is how because it's weird when people come and go at the store It's hard to get to know the employees because a lot of them just like come and go and they're in their own world And so we're doing our own thing. What's your impressions of us before you met or when you met us and this would be honest You can be honest be completely honest. Well, I met your brother first. My brother Steve. How did you meet his brother? Through his through Jeremiah. Oh, right on and and I think because Jeremiah and I go back with kill Tony bandon

Right, right, right and then Steve. I did his podcast Yeah, and then I remember you and Steve pulled up into the lot and I was working the back door And you guys got out of the car and everybody was like, oh my god Bobby's here and I was like, hey Steve That's awesome and out of all the people living to you. You only look to me I think you were like, wait, what? I love this but then I got to know you and you were one of the first paid regulars to like talk to me and to riff with me and and it made me feel really special and I And Santino is a little bit more unapproachable

And that's exactly what I wanted to get And that's exactly the truth of it. I'm just really in my own. I just come and you're intimidating. No, I'm not You're a little intimidated. Why? It's your stature. It's the way it's the way you but I've never been mean to you. Never been me. No But you know what? I know what it is and because I do know some I do know a lot of employees that work there But I know the ones that have worked there for a while. It takes me a while to like start to get to know people You can't let everyone in. No, no, no not for me. No for me. It's it's more like I know people have said this before they're like, uh, I don't I don't know to talk to me

But then when they talk to me, they're like, oh I just kind of come to the club do my thing And I kind of fuck off But I'm always polite and nice and I say thank you and hi and bye But it's tough for me to like Do a thing with people anymore. Hmm because there's so much brain energy that goes into that place sometimes for me That I don't want it. I just don't want to I just want to go home Like yeah, like like I'm not Sebastian

Sebastian. Yeah, he's he goes in and out. He doesn't even look people in the eye. Yeah, and I don't really looks at me He doesn't look at me and I'm his I've been known I've known for 20 years But what I'm saying is is because his brain energy is so focused he wants to do his job and get out thinking about it So yeah, but he never liked fans. He even as a young open mic He's he's not he's just not that way. He's not it's social and I like fans I just think it's hard with the employees because it's no he likes his fans. That's not what I'm saying I'm just saying he doesn't interact with people even back in the day Well, but I interact with as many people as I can especially because I know so many of those people that have been in a lot for a

Long time But you were new but I always like seeing you because you have such a nice smile And you're so like warm even when I know the day was probably shit You're such like you have like a warm attitude That makes it so that you're gonna get out of there fast. There's no way you're gonna stick around Now poly's using you right on the road, right? Yeah, that's exciting too. I went to his house with sandy danto in vegas And we did a couple shows there and bobby's picture is on his wall like at least three times On where and poly's house

That's insane. He's a lot of work family. Yeah, poly and are so close Yeah, but I would never have any pictures of you at my house You don't have a photo. I have photos of you in my house I really do not ones that I approve. I know but still I have photos of you Right Actually, that's not true at all. I have a framed photo of you and I that's what I'm saying I have that as well. I do have that now that I think about it. I don't I do. I don't have it. I know you don't You have no control over what goes up in your home

I know I have a framed photo of you and I at the 4th of july at your house Of us sitting on the bench because I really like the because the photo is so sweet So you're gonna do dates with poly. Oh, thanks for rolling right over that If you really opened up to you there Yeah, yeah, now this is how this is our relationship for the rest of time. Yeah, but poly so you poly and sandy We did vegas dates now. Um, frank, castillo and I are going to uh, north carolina Um, july 7 through the 17 you frank are opening for poly at good nights. I'm featuring um This was my first time featuring and yeah, I'm excited. Let's go baby. It's frank hosting

He's opening and then we're just gonna bring each other up. They don't call it that anymore What what do they bring it hosting is not like a thing they call it opening now But then so they never call it hosting well I say opening because he's not gonna go back on stage between me and poly. Ah when they when they go back on stage It's hosting. Yeah. Yeah, and they want to do you prefer a host or you like tag team Well lately, I mean It's strange because lately I've been doing theaters and it's just me and my buddy o'connor Yeah, and I got Mike him bring him on so I try to get him hyped up to the so so he he cold cold opens the show

So that's hard. Yeah, but I mean it's all my fans like and a lot of them know him Yeah, they like because he fucking rips. So he does a bunch of time So it's like he has to warm him up at the beginning a little bit, but he just 25 minutes Yeah, so by that I mean they fall in love with him, but it's just him and then he shocked on to me in jersey column Terrell came and oh and opened And then passed it to chris and chris to me. So I haven't had a host

Since I did club when I do clubs and even at clubs sometimes Yeah, I rather just have my feature when I do clubs. I make a host I don't really the local person. I always make it. Yeah, but even still I like shotgunning I don't want to bring someone back on to bring me back up. Just make the next like we do at the club work I want them to work For the $70 they get paid. Yeah, fuck you Because do you ever tip the hosts? Do you pay out the host? What a local host you can do that. You can do that. You've done that. Yes. Oh, yeah

Oh, can I tell something? Uh, when I was working a lot one day bobby came out in his new car and he pulled out this watercash and started flipping it And he looked at me and he goes do you like money? Dude, you know character. I don't character completely. You know, he did that Do you like That's awful. That's awful. So what did I say? Do you like money? I thought it was cool Yeah, yeah, so I said do I like did I give you any and I said yes, and then you get me a hundred dollars Yeah, that's not well that part's nice, but it doesn't think it doesn't make up for the fact that you're a penis at the top

The penis at the top is what makes it fun. How much money you have in your pocket right now? None. Take it out literally No cash. No, give me your wallet. Why give me your wallet You have no cash. Are you robbing? No cash No cash at all. No, I have I have these changes. Give her your credit card for the day For one day. No, I'm not gonna give you my credit card. No, let her have a credit card for a day later We'll do it later. What would she do? I need new I need them because I

You have to send my situation multiple credit cards. Give her one credit card for the day. Yeah one that doesn't work No, come on. Give her a real one. I'll give you the one that works And then and then you can buy you can buy anything you want for 24 hours. Yeah, here you go. Take that one I just opened a credit card. I've never had a credit line before Okay What is elan? Where is this even from? Yeah Is this a ebt card? So what so I gave you a hundred so I go expired. Yeah, so I said I go um, that's okay

I go you like money. I pull out a water cut. Do you like money? Yucky. Yeah, and then you go I do I gave you a hundred and then what did I say after that? and then you said Um, and if you and then okay, you really want me to say what you said? You said um, and if and if there's if you get a dent in my car, I get that back Then I said that's that sounds like it's a deal. It's called it's called a deal and I said it's a contract. It's a verbal contract. Yeah It's a verbal contract. That's why would you say that?

I don't know why it's it's an it's regrettable. Yeah, it is it's regrettable, but I'm being honest I think I did say that I will tell you at that time. I then had a hundred and five dollars. Who gave you the five? Mark Marion But Mark's consistent he's always five dollars. It's always five. I do once a year. Yeah, I get the hundred I do a yearly plan. I do it intermittently, but I never park at the I park on the ramp I parked your car one time, but it was your wife's car. That sounds right. Yeah the jeep Yeah, you're like you can park this because it was already fucked up because he used to have a big gash in the side of Oh, so you don't let them even get in your car and drive. They all know that they'll tell you

Yeah, none of them parked my car. Wow. I should do that too, huh? None of you guys have parked even but way before you were there. Nobody even parked any of my cars Wow, even when I had like a city car Well, yeah, I mean, I just no one ever parked my car because I just was like If an accident happened in that bullshit small lot. Yeah, here was my logic They're comics. Yeah, we're not fucking professional drivers. Yeah, that's true Why the fuck am I giving them my my car in a lot that's as big as this room? Yeah, why the fuck am I doing that? It's it's I've had that job. The pressure on you guys is so stupid

For you guys to park our fucking cars and maneuver if you hit my if my car gets hit Yeah, by you guys are another comic even fucks up on accident because how many people leave their fucking drunk Yeah, right if that happens They'll pay for it. The store will take care of it, but I have to physically do the shit Yeah, I gotta go to the fucking guy to get it fixed. Yeah, I have to get a loaner. Yeah, so it's not even the money It's like I don't want the headache so I park on the ramp and then Adam used to be like Oh, we don't I don't know if we have all those spots and I was like you guys need to make it happen And now we have all those spots. Yeah

Yesterday we didn't because the hotel had an event and the lots half under construction right now. That's terrible Yeah, when they do it when you said you got dropped off. I was like, oh, thank god. It's like we only have like seven spots Bluetube that's right this episode is sponsored by bluetube. Hey, Andrew. Yeah, papa got ed Dude, I know you do buddy. He beats sometimes don't work dog Sometimes your peepee doesn't work, but there's an easy way to make it work. What is it bluetube? It's time to bring the summer heat into the bedroom That's right temperatures aren't the only thing that's rising this summer Also bobby's boner

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M. A. N. T. It's right here. Los angeles M. A. N. Z. K. E. M. A. N. Z. K. E Everything they came out with was like, oh, I'm in heaven. My mouth is in heaven Where is it? It's right on pico pico and what? Um, right by the fox Oh, yeah, my favorite place over there is called marty's hot dog stand. Okay Yeah, but this place dude is like, um, I don't know if it's michelin or whatever But it was pretty pricey, but it's the same people that could do rep republic. This isn't michelin. This is dunlop

This is dunlop. No, you go there. I'm because I was suggesting something. I'm kidding. Oh, I just named another tire Jesus christ The outside looks like an old french manner. Yeah, it really is one of the best restaurants. I've been to LA When you go to the bathroom, they walk you through the bathroom That's absurd. I like it and they go why in case you get lost. Yeah, I know how to shit I've done it before he stands there. Yeah. He's watching you. There's no doors on the stalls. Yeah Toilet paper. Yeah, but there was a big laugh I got so, you know, they pull your chair and I've never I don't know What I've never had that happen before so call it a laugh because I didn't know how to do it, right?

So he pulls the chair And I and what like this right because I felt like I needed the fucking, you know, I mean feel the chair underneath my Bottom just sit down. So I stood there like five seconds and and he goes to the the guy goes. So this is how we're gonna do it That's what he said And I sat down and like everyone was laughing, but it was like embarrassing. That's what you get Yeah, yeah, well, you don't want to start dinner with a trust exercise. That's exactly right. Just trust the trust fall Just trust that exactly go to Marty's hot dogs on pico. Let me show you a real high quality restaurant on pico Oh, you weren't kidding

Not even remotely pico Los Angeles watch this so when I was a pa there you go. That's Marty's baby boy when I was a pa And I first moved here. I I literally had maybe maybe five dollars a day to spend on food I had my budget because I could eat breakfast at the fucking studio and then I had to get lunch And then I could steal dinner and take it home and I used to go to Marty's And and they've got the original seats as home of the combo You know what the combo is. I'm not kidding. What is it? It's a filleted hot dog on top of a cheeseburger It's Fucking amazing. Look at there's the combo right there. So it's a filleted hot dog inside a cheeseburger

You bet that's the combo right you're looking at it right there I'm sorry. We got to figure out a way to jazz this him. Where's Marty? Where's Marty from? I don't know. I'm just Bobby has a total of one accent he can do and it's ambiguous. It's ambiguous. That's why no, no, no It's french. It's mexican. It's all kinds of tell me the last time you've seen this before Yep. I'm wondering my point is stop. Stop. Have you ever seen this before? No, no So that's my point that Marty's figured out because because Marty I'm assuming was a big boy

And he had a hot dog in one hand and a burger in the other and his mouth was full and he had food all over his body Yeah, and he was like, what can I just put these together? And someone was like do it Marty do it. He was like, is there me? Yeah, and he did it and it you know what this is to me This is when you get the mcdonald's breakfast and you put the hash brown in the sandwich Which everybody does right? I never thought of that. That's what it is I've been taking a bite of the sandwich and then a bite of the hash brown and take a walk

Take a walk. Take a walk. That's insane. Yeah No, you put the fucking put the hash brown in the sandwich and you put it right that's it's supposed By the way, it should come that way mcdonald's why isn't the fuck up? I also like when they put the egg in there. We like a fried egg in a hamburger. Oh, absolutely Yeah, that's good. So good. Okay, let's create our own hamburger then Okay, what is it gonna be called the bad friends burger the bad friends burger? All right, but we have we might have to do some arguments because but let's try to make a great hamburger But that's original. Okay. We got to give some credit though. It's called the the b the bfb the bad friends burger. Yeah featuring juicy

Yeah, yeah, the juicy the juicy burger the juicy burger the bad friends juicy burger. Yeah, the bad friends Spelled like juicy smollett. Okay. So let's start with the bun. All right. The bun has to be brioche. Wait, what if it's not bread? Fuck man, she's off to a hot start No, she's off to a hot start. What is it because jewels would have said put a knife in it. Yeah, and like what what if it's What if it's two sides of nice? Yeah, yeah, okay? So what's the bun then if it's not bread? What is the bun because donuts have been done donut burgers we've seen before Yeah, true. Yeah, what is the bread? What could the bread be? Look at pretzels been done. Yeah pretzel bread by the way pretzel buns are fucking amazing greatest right my god

Yeah, I mean bagel bagel burgers have been done before There's a thick pita. No, I've got I've got it. I've got one. I've got one Thick cut bacon Yeah, it should be meat. It should be me meat is the bread. All right meets the bread Two slices seems thick already. We're starting off Thick cut bacon is big like that. It can it can handle all that weight Yeah, so two pieces of thick cut bacon. Can we do this? Can we do this? Yeah, one side bacon one side something else No, no, no, no, we do the bacon bun, right? But you know, we mix it with like so. It's a bacon hash brown

Or a bacon brown. It's like a bacon brown, right? So you kind of There's bacon and there's but we make it into a time out. No, I'm so yes You cut up you cut up the potatoes and the onions. Yeah to make the hash browns And you cut up little pieces of bacon in there in there fry them together I'm gonna make a bun form into the form them into a bun. All right So it's bacon hash brown. It feels like it's gonna fall apart though. No, no, not if you see if you you got to crisp the Fuck out of the hash brown. You crisp the fuck out. We can also add a binding agent if we want. Yeah, we can add some flour I was gonna go with flour, but

Forget it. No, no, no, I'm not I'm not a yeah, I'm not a chef. No, but if we do this What if we do a little bit of egg a little bit of egg flour egg flour? Yeah, potatoes for the hash browns onions to go in there. Yeah, and then just a little bit of cum Yeah, not my cum. My comes out. Who's mine's very like Viscous. Viscous. Yeah. Viscous. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I don't know if can I be honest and say we don't need cum in this room? All right, you're right All right, fine of all the times on this show that we do need cum in the thing Yeah, yeah, so no cum because by the way, I need a fan at home

We want a bad friend's fan to make this and make those photos right no cum It's gonna be coming in now This is the problem when you give them no when you say no cum, then they're gonna put cum All right, all right, put cum in. I don't know what you want. That's a lose lose. I don't know what you want All right, so it's a god damn. So we make the thing right so that so now the meat Look at what Pete wrote by the way But sit cut bacon and hat has breath hash brown as the bread bacon brown hash brown No cum. All right. You need to put it. Yeah. Yeah, they'll know this is the recipe

This is gonna go up on twitter. Right. So now the meat now. Here's the thing with me with meat, right? I don't like big chunk. I don't like a chunky. Do you like that? You mean I like when the patties thinner. Yeah, no pat thinner patties is probably better for me So we do because so we can add more stuff to it. Correct, right? So we do how about this? We do a really thin patty. Yeah, but what kind of meat like paper thin No, like a cheat like, you know a slice of cheese. I like paper thin patties paper thin patty Oh, like those smash burgers. Have you guys had those? I like smash burgers. Yeah, even thinner I think even thinner. No, because we're gonna do different layers of it like rice paper thin rice paper thin patty

And then we put a rice paper thin piece of what kind of cheese tulamuk Tulamuk, tulamuk is a brand, but yeah, we can just do that. Okay. I'm sorry my bad. Um jack cheese. What kind of cheese? Well, I think we should have also I do love cheese. Yeah, I love cheese like a Like a soft cheese soft cheese like a brie A feta? Feta is feta is feta is whatever. Yeah, my bad. Yeah, we can either do brie, cheddar, jack, pepper jack, colby jack We could do um, can we do all of mozzarella? Can we put all those cheeses in one cheese? You could do that. Holy fuck all those cheeses in one cheese. Yeah. Yeah, so make it the make it

write them all down So all of the all the cheddar's all the cheddar's. Oh, yeah in one cheese Fresh mozzarella not hardened mozzarella fresh where it's like lumpy off the wet You know, it's how do you put that into the cheese? What do you mean? Yeah, you melt it down just like brie. Oh, you're gonna mix it with the brie brie So put all the cheeses all the cheeses and by the way, we didn't even name what kind of meat this is. What kind of meat is it? Yeah, let's go crazy. It's well, I mean, I would say it's got to be fucking It's got to be something unique. It can't be just beef beef is but we've had I don't like deer

Okay, so no deer. Yeah, no deer. I don't like buffalo. I don't like anything gamey. What about raccoon Is it good? I don't think is it? Yeah Squirrel squirrel squirrel, but it's got to be a mixed mince meat. It's got to be mixed How about this because yeah, how about this we call this an insurrectionist patty Right, this is what I assume people that invaded January 6th. So this is called the january 6th brother Yeah, so we're doing insurrectionist patty, right? So we put squirrel meat raccoon meat anything that they hunt Yeah, I mean like, you know critters squirrel coons rats gophers. Yeah prairie dog prairie dogs. Yeah all that Yeah, any little mound vermin vermin vermin, but you have to make a paper

Paper thing it's a it's a process and wait, that's one that's one of the patties then the other one is a5 waigu Yeah, yeah, we go all yeah from japan sure. I'm japan. Yeah. Yeah Japanese waigu Japanese waigu from japan Real Kobe beef make that a little thicker a little bit thicker a little thicker. Yeah to drown out the gopher meat We need something that's gonna kick over the fucking gopher meat, you know, I mean Oh beaver beaver gotta put beaver in there. Yeah. Yeah, got to have beaver meat in the original in the original Gotta be beaver me that's the original meat. Everybody's everybody likes a little bit of beaver, right? All right So, you know, everyone does avocado Boo, it's too simple

But the egg I like right but instead of chicken egg right just hear me out ostrich egg. Love. It's huge. Yeah Huge. Okay. Good. So we how do you serving it scrambled fried over easy over medium? What is it when they do it in the in the water? What's that called when you poach it? Yeah we We poach it We poach it because we poached it from the ostrich. Yeah, we're gonna poach it again. Yeah, and we age it Oh, but to make it we gotta age it. I don't know if you can age egg. Yeah, just leave it there It just gets older if you don't do anything

Yeah, what? Well, that's gonna say to make it taste extra good. We get the ostrich who laid the egg and make it watch us poach it What is that too? That that makes no fuck it up. No, it does something wait. Wait. Wait. It fucks up the ostrich's mind The mind's like, what are you guys doing? That's my baby. It changes the chemical composition to me because we are gonna use that ostrich later Okay, it goes into the patty. It just seems like a lot to do right. I thought we were dreaming Oh, no, we're dreaming. All right, you're right. Let's go all the way. Let's go all the way. Jesse. That's good. You see that's good. You see that's good. That's good. So So the ostrich has we so we have to have some sort of barn

Man, we're this is gonna cost us a lot of money We have to have a barn. All right. All right. So we'll have a little barn in the back of the restaurant Baby barn with a gigantic ostrich in there. Love. They're huge. Okay, good, right All right, so now we're do we want and you let me just say that in terms of jobs, right? You that's your job What to tend the barn you tend the barn with the ostrich because that's your fucking idea. Hey, but let it elevate you're you're a barn employee Yeah, yeah, and we'll give you points on the restaurant a barn person and you have to park some of the ostriches when they come Yeah, yeah, yeah, because they're gonna want to check it out. They're gonna be like, what's going on? Yeah, and they don't like cars. They do the scooters like a bird like a bird. They ride a bird

They ride the bird scooters ostriches will exclusively ride the bird scooters. So we get so we have um, Pete poached get barn You know, you know, so fucked up about this production crew that we have. They are the best. Yeah, they will buy a barn for us Yeah, yeah, we will next week have a barn. Yeah in here and we'll be like, why do we have that night? So fancy is like, what you put it in the thing? So poaching it is wrong or right? I think poaching is right. It's gonna be hard to hold but it'll taste good. It'll taste really good. All right So we but is it a thick layer because the thing is is that everything's so thin I don't want the whole thing to come out and just one white egg and there's thin slices of other things Well, then let's just take a piece of the poaching

Let's not poach it. Okay. So what do you want? You want fried? We fry it. Okay thin Thin is the key. Okay. All right. I'm not being real thin is the key fry. Yeah, that's real thin fry Right. So we have the cheese. We have the thin layer of gopher meat. Oh and all the other road beaver and all that stuff, right? We have a thicker piece of piece of wagyu. Wagyu. Wagyu. We have a thin piece of ostrich egg Right and then now that we we need a vegetable. Yeah, we need a vegetable. Do we though? Yeah, you want some greenery? Yeah. Yeah Yeah, I don't help digest it. Yeah. Yeah. Well, nothing's gonna help digest this This is what you don't like it already. No, no, I love it. I'm just saying you're not gonna shit for like a week and a half

Your body is gonna do something. Yeah. Yeah So what kind of vegetable though? Because we're not fucking with lettuce. That's boring. No, we're not doing khaki shit. We could do fruit Fruit could be cool, but you gotta be careful. What kind of fruit what kind of fruit? What are you talking like a passion fruit? We talk little pomegranate seeds. That's something Pomegranate seeds, let me think about that. I got it. I got it. I got it too. By the way, pomegranate can be garnish It can be garnish on top of the on the bun But I tell you what we're gonna do we fried into the ostrich egg What the pomegranate seeds? Yeah, fucking money. Absolutely fucking money. Yeah, so that's a little crunch delicious crunch

Because you watch hey, you did you did not iron chef. You did master chef. Yeah, you know texture means everything You gotta have a veer a myriad of textures. Yeah in a good dish and I got it. By the way, go ahead I know what vegetable we're putting on that. What is it? Artichoke Yes Because you have it in your house. I do. Yeah. Yeah, but also this is a little artichoke right there She's a little artichoke artichoke right and artichokes by the way are fucking bomb fried artichoke is so good I have a question. Yeah, I have a question. Yeah, and I know what you're gonna ask, but go ahead

What is it? What I want to know what is an artichoke? No, I know I know what an artichoke is So um artichoke is that it's it's you you eat the inside of the soft part. I'll do it The leaves the leaves have meat in them and you do you peel it out, but you don't chew the meat and then artichoke is gonna be Taking all that stuff. Oh, dude, you can rip that right off and then get to the heart right away You can get to the also. We're only doing artichoke heart. Yeah, we're not doing the leaves Yeah, so so we put the heart. How do we chop it up? I mean it's super soft. It's it's this small the fucking heart I know but you

You just fucking Put it into the What do you mean? You just you just lay it layer it on like pickles like pickles. Yeah, exactly And you know what we're gonna pickle it. We're pickling artichoke hearts. How about the artichoke hearts? We make it into a paste Oh A spread a spread got it. So it's easier. It seems easier like imagine It's slammed Our restaurant our restaurant. Yeah, it's easier to scoop and spread. I mean, this is a dynamic thing

So I get I get we're like busy Get the why is the ostrich in the kitchen? Imagine the camera Yeah, juicy, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah, we're gonna be yelling juicy. She's outside. She's like I'm parking the cars Fuck we didn't do this right. Yeah All right, so we spread it right we put another Uh, obviously another of the hash brown buns over it, right? Correct. Is that enough? I don't know juice Uh, I have another theory

It just hear me out. What else is it missing? I guess Have you ever had a monocrystal? Sorry a montecrystal sandwich a monocrystal sandwich. Yeah, what is that? Look it up It let's see. Do you know what it is? Yeah, it's uh, it's like a Um, is it ham or pastrami, but just hear about how it's made go ahead. So So all right, so basically what it is a montecrystal sandwich Is that's what it is. It's a french toast Right and all the stuff is in the inside with ham, right, but it's not there's no borders

It's like one solid piece of sandwich. Oh, that's beautiful, right? So is there any way we can Monte Cristo it? I Think there's a way we could so basically when you get it. It's a block of Hash brown, but when you bite into it you see all the things inside it Just have to fry it. What you have to fry it together. Well, so we're gonna deep fry the sandwich burger Yes Yeah, all right, and then we put powdered sugar on it and a little bit of syrup and a little bit of syrup Yeah, just for a little sweet kick. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I love this fucking thing

Montecrystal the fuck out of that sandwich powdered sugar and and a little bloop like a little a little bobby come drop of syrup Yeah, but no come no come no come though. Yeah. Yeah, we'll get a little eye dropper Oh, yeah, I drop her and it's just it's just icing a little bit. Yeah, it's just a little bit of ice and you let it settle ice cream. Yeah Can someone at home make this? Yeah, if someone can make this it was similar to it. No, no they can make this they can make this Yeah, it seems hard. There's no ingredients on here that they don't have access to that's true squirrels coons. Prairie dogs vermin beaver all available Imagine just that alone. It's a process. Yeah, but come on Billy. How good of a fan are you what how good of a fan? Are you that's true make the burger? Yeah

Come on Billy. Yeah, come on back here. We got three of them four things I mean prayer dog and hog were but I don't know how to get the squirrel man. I know how to get a squirrel Come here, Duke. Yeah, dog out there. Yeah, Duke. Go get me a squirrel. Let me ask you juicy In terms of the reputation among because you're you you have access to what how people feel about So who has a better in terms just a general general reputation? Andrew or I what does that even mean? Just I want to know a reputation for what is a comedian as a comedian has a nice guy as a What a baited question You're afraid. No, go ahead. I don't give a fuck. Are you afraid of the answer? No, she already said it already that I've that

People think I'm fucking intimidating Intimidating because they want to talk to you. I well, can I before I answer tell you that when I first started talking to you I was like, I was like, oh, this was awesome. And then like the next day. I had to tell you that you were bummed Oh, yeah, I remember that night because you she's in the store. I was yeah Yeah, so like I was like, why do I how did you do it? So I'm Andrew, right? How did you do it? I was nice to you. You were really nice and I was fucking and I would you said mr. Santina. What'd you call? No, she said hey, Andrew. I said hey, Andrew and I go, uh, You're you're gonna go on after the next comic and he goes what?

Because I talk really quiet. Yeah, she's so quiet. Yeah, and then I told him again and then you said, okay Well, I'm leaving you got up and left I did and I said and I was very nice to her and I said I know this has nothing to do with you. Yeah, but I was bummed and I went to One of the people in management and I said this is not okay. Yeah, because we talked about this on the show Yeah, I think I heard that the bumping stuff. I just don't like I think it's yucky nasty poopoo fart Just call in for your spot. I wasn't mean to you but no We all think you guys are both cool because a lot of people come out to the shows for you guys too So it's like we know it's gonna be a good good show that I was not well that bad friends thing

We did for netflix was amazing. That was amazing. That was a fun night. That was fucking dope. Thank you for coming out everybody Yeah, thank you guys for coming. We have that live show. Well, this is the live show You need to watch at the comfort of your own home. Yeah, and these shirts. Are they selling these shirts? Yeah, we are only for that only for the show and then they're never gonna show them again. Yeah Yeah, and maybe one day juicy could be on one of these shirts I think juicy should be on the next show with us. Yeah, I would love to do that You should do the next show with us when the next podcast Well, she that for sure, but I'm saying the next live thing that we do. Yeah. Yeah

I want to see the chemistry between juicy and doc We'll talk about the lot because doc historic the lot. Yeah. Did you know doc? No, I've never met you never met him Does he have his picture up somewhere in the locker room or something in the lot locker room? Like he's a legend I don't you know, I think I like the opposite of what I am. I'm so needy And such an open book. It's so gross. Go back to words like needy Do you think I'm needy? Oh, you think I'm the neediest person you know, dude

The funniest thing in the world is the quite the way he even asked it. Do you think I'm needy? Needy bitch, bro Don't call me a needy bitch dude. All right, you're my little needy bitch. Oh, that's fine. You're the neediest friend I have. Yeah, for sure But so let's explore that but you're also but you're also quite selfish as a needy person where if I need something from you I get almost nothing Tell me I'm wrong. You're right and wrong Because I don't even understand the question

Yeah, I don't really understand what I'm saying. What I'm saying is if I need something You're needy and I will give you everything but if I need something from you. Yeah, sometimes you're not available guys, honestly Because I want to change right So you think I'm needy like I call for things I don't feel like I call for like I need this or pay attention to me or you know, any of that You only call when you need something Oh, so Andrew calls like how are you and that's it we do talk. Yes, we do talk. Oh, fuck. So I am needy

Yeah, so needy is I only interact if I need something. Okay. I've got a goal because it's not going to change with me We're such old friends. It doesn't matter. Yeah. Yeah with with Juicy. Yeah, I want you once a week to call her just to check Once a week to call Juicy so I called Juicy once a week and go, how are you? What's going on? Just to be like, hey, what's going on? What's going on? What are spots like in town? All right, so I'll call ding ding Bobby How are you? I'm good. How are you?

What's like spots around town? That's okay. That's pretty good. Yeah, try it again. Oh, I have to do it again Well, let's say more. All right, because you because I'm memorizing the way you said it, right? So let me just let's start from top Okay, ring ring Is that an asian one? All right, you know what that's mean. Well ring ring. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I said it to that. So I know it's bobby Got it. Yeah. Okay. That's what hurt Yeah, I know No

Anyway, so ring ring got it Bobby Hey Juicy, do you mind if I call you Juicy or is it because we just did that on the podcast? Yeah, I think it's funny Yeah, it's a little nickname. That's cool. Um, how's it going? It's good. What's up? Do you need something? No, I don't need anything what I need you to do is to listen Ooh too much another need That seems needy, right? No, what you would say there is no, I just want to see how you are. That's true. Go ahead

No, I just want to see how you are No emphasis on you not how I want to see how I talk the way I talk. Well. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, so I just want to see how you are. There it is Andrew are you on the phone too? So, how are you? Don't tell don't tell around here. Yeah, so how are you? I'm good. Thanks for asking. What's going on? I'm just uh watching tv And having a good day. Oh, what what are you doing? Tell me what you're doing. Oh, well, I'm driving down the street because I have to go somewhere

Good. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, hey, I was thinking I was thinking about you No, no Maybe we could get lunch I was thinking maybe we could get lunch. I was thinking maybe you and I get a coffee get a coffee Okay, I've never done that Well, don't tell her It's a lot of pressure. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I have a friend in the car I was thinking you and I could get some coffee. You like it?

I would I would like it. Do you like coffee? I'm good. I don't know you. Well, I actually I'm not drinking caffeine, but I'll get a tea lunch then because I like food Okay. Yeah, I like food too. Right. Good pivot. Yeah, and I'm just gonna be on myself here. I'm paying Oh, yeah, I have to pay That you didn't even say it. I always say it, but you could just do it and not say it whenever I go to a restaurant with anybody I say I'm paying you could have just do it and not say it. You can just do it Yeah, because it becomes a I don't like the awkward thing of like acting because you know, you know when the bill comes because they're poorer That's not bad. That's not bad. They don't have as much money, right?

Yeah, when you go out with somebody that doesn't have as much money and you're going to an expensive place Let's let's suppose right you I always say I'm gonna pay for it beforehand so they can feel relaxed during the meal Yeah, they can order whatever they want. Yeah, so tell her where you're gonna go. Yeah, so we're going to Motsky Oh, yeah, Motsky. Is that a dinner or lunch bus? It's we can go have lunch there, but it's it they basically it's a um, they they serve you there's no ordering Yeah, sure Okay, where do you live and then I get your address. Goodbye. Goodbye. I pick you up Good right now. Yeah, right now. Okay. Yeah. Yeah

This is great. And then we hang up and then we have the And then I call it fucking coffee with her, dude. No, I have to go take her to Motsky I gotta call the fucking manager. It's you know, how much that costs a lot Yeah, but that's what you got to do If you want to stop being needy and start being open for other people's feelings and get to know what she's got going on You got to take her to Motsky I'm going to start with Wiener since the first Marty's Marty's first we'll get that fucking hot dog right and then we'll move all the way then you graduate to somewhere

We'll graduate to something. Okay, so I'm going to start doing that. But this is what friendships are. That's what friendships are Yes, that's what they are exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Do you feel like would you feel weird about that? Because I've never done that with anybody. Yeah, I'd feel a little weird Because I also don't know the last time I've eaten at a restaurant that that like extravagant Okay, that's it. And then we're taking her to a nice restaurant now. Yeah, no, no, no This is enough of this. It's enough of this. We are really going to take it. Yeah. Yeah. Where do you want to go? Where do you what's a place that you really wanted to eat at? I don't even know Oh, well, we got the best restaurant you've been to in LA. How long you've been in LA?

So I've been to Tao. That's probably the the fanciest place I've ever been to and where's that at? That's right by dream Hollywood. It's in Hollywood. Tao. It's brand new. It's it's well relative in us a pre-pandemic How will how will do you juice 32 to okay? What's your favorite kind of food is a best way to start? pizza Great, we'll take you to a pizza place Maybe blackbird have you been there? Yeah on melrose. Okay, or do you like Italian food? What's your like? Which if I like ramen, um, okay No, I want we want we wanted to stretch your legs here

Well, I want I just want no no if we go to bestia We go to bestia. That's a nice restaurant. Yeah, right. Yeah, right. Yeah, or kato on melrose very good Yeah, it's a steak house steak. Yeah, do you like steak? I like steak a poly cooked. Okay, so poly cooked Oh I was vomiting wait he cooked a steak. He's like these were two for one. It's smart final They were good. Yeah, we're gonna take you to a real rest. We'll take you to a really nice one. Yeah. Yeah I'm so excited to do this. This is exciting. I like lots of food. Yeah one more time for the last time We're doing this show live. We have a bunch of surprises. I wish we could even tip one of them

But we cannot yeah, we're doing a bunch of fun stuff for bad friends live Tuesday june 28th 6 p.m Go to moment house.com slash bad friends the link's in the description, of course It'll be up on the screen somewhere. Do yourself a favor Watch this. It's going to be so much fucking fun And then you can buy a shirt on the site and they're only available for that time for that time and then they'll go away Uh, again bad friends live stream Tuesday june 28th at 6 p.m PST get your tickets right now moment house.com slash bad friends juice juice dog

Look into that. What's your handle? You have a handle though. You want to problem? Oh, yeah, plug all that shit everything at jet ski Johnson Sick. Oh comedy store Wednesday nights up next. Maybe you'll see bobby. Yeah, maybe maybe probably jet ski johnson on insta twitter All that shit everything and we'll put the description I'll put all her shit in the description so people can go check her out and my clip on standup of the spot Is coming out soon. What's your my walk him? Fuck. Yeah, and you put him up on youtube. Don't say that his name Huh? Don't you love him? No, we're gonna we're gonna

We'll say bobby's buddy. Yeah, yeah, bobby's bobby's brother's buddy. Yeah, bobby's brother's buddy Um juice dog look in that camera right there and and uh take us out with our final phrase Do you know what it is what we say every time when we say goodbye? Thank you for being a bad friend. Fuck. Yeah So what what are we doing this way? I forgot. Why are we doing this? What do you mean? Why are we doing this? Because you never had a fancy. She's never had a nice dinner. Yeah, you starving. I haven't eaten all day for this Oh my god. Well now you're stomach shrunk. So now you're gonna eat like one thing Welcome Here's the best thing when you get a podcast you just have to find someone you fall in love with and that's what you

Should do it. This is what we do. We build an audience We build an audience we build an audience Like this one every time you like that That looks beautiful Caviar and oysters man, are we living a good life? What are we doing? Cheers welcome to the family I'm not toasting. I'm not toasting you. Well, why can't welcome her to the family? She does one podcast. She's in the family No, that's five. She's in the family. It takes five. It takes five. Yeah. Yeah. All right. So here. Let me un-shears you

I love you guys Yeah