Bad Friends - Rudy Loves Chocolate

Episode Date: October 27, 2025

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You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? White dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. Oh, you two or something. We're bad friends. Probably when the funnest birthday parties I've ever been to. Was it one of the most fun birthday parties you've ever done?

There's Chef Yun right there. He was out of pocket. What did he do? He didn't do anything wrong. He tried to squirt stuff in my mouth. Well, he had a socky squirt gun. Yeah. He had a little socky squirt gun.

Show the sakey squirt gun. when I let me like the there's Max getting it right in the mouth that had Saki and Super Soker Super Sucker by the way invented by a black guy we learned stolen by a white guy Wow

We learned that We learned that But show the one of me He let me like the grill on fire Huge More more more he kept yelling Come on fire And then he goes Saki squirt on

And he in loads Maybe 16 ounces of Wait wait he started the palisades fire You dole Oh, Yul Yun, you and Yon He hits himself in the face He has flaming rods

And he hits himself clean in the face Not once there But he does it Twice He did it right after this Do it again Right in the face Twice

But I told him three times I go I'm sober The fourth time He's like You want a relapse He didn't listen Relax work on He was so fun

That guy was one of the most fun times I've ever had in my entire I was threatened by him You loved him I made an announcement. Remember, I go, don't replace him with me. I would. Yeah, I said, are you busy? Do you want to do a podcast? Because he had, he had real good energy. Great comedic timing. Yeah, good comedic timing. I've been a little off lately.

There's me getting scored. Wow, what a silhouette. Looks like someone's pissing in my mouth. Internet. Take this and run with it. Yeah. Take this and run with it. Carlos also did not get scored in the mouth. Carlos, of course, is a, it's our Halloween, it's our spooky Halloween episode. Ooh. You got a Halloween song prepared, Bob? Huh? Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bada, bada, bum, bo da, bada, bum bum, bo da, bamb bum, bha, bha, bha.

Oh, I'm not, you're, no, I'm doing the beat. Let's see who goes first. Bada, bada, da, bom, scary, scary, scary Halloween. Scary Halloween. Scary Halloween. Scary Halloween. Who do we have in the studio? Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, ba, bum,

what the fuck are you? Bump, bum, what the fuck? You don't just get to moan. She thought it was a native chant. Yeah, she's a party girl. She was going to do a haka there. You know she's a party girl? Yeah.

What's going on with you? You know what's so funny? Going out with all these black guys. Whoa. Yeah. Bum-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b. Sleeping over at black guy's house, bump-b-b-b-b-b-b-b.

Walking out of the house like she just rode a horse. Bum-bba-bum-bub-boh-legged, bow-legged Jules, Jules, Jules. Jules, what are you been doing? Um, I've just been... Are you dating someone new? Is that what's going on? Just seeing a couple of people. Yeah.

Taken after after. Every time, though, she's just like, look at this guy. It's this gigantic, handsome black guy every time. You like a little bit of chocolate now, huh? You like your chocolate milk? You love chocolate. You love chocolate. Fantastic.

How come I never see Asians in your little rotation? I've done Asians. Yeah, I know you have. So. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Moved on, moved on, moved up. Try something else. Yeah.

Yeah, you gotta try other stuff. And that's, that's Carlos' life motto. You gotta try other stuff. I do agree with that. Honestly, we're not gonna be able to hear a word that you're gonna say. Yeah, take that fucking thing off. What is that, by the way? It's a furry mask.

It's like something a shooter would Google at night. My favorite thing is you pretending like you did, like you already didn't have that costume? Oh, let's order of a furry. Yeah. Like that wasn't in your closet. I've always wanted to try it since I saw it on Entourage, like 15 years ago. Who did a furry on Entourage?

Drama has sex with a girl. Who's a furry? Yeah. Shout out to the furry community. Dude, I met me and DeRosa in Vegas, met these two beautiful, three beautiful sweet women who were dominatrices. And I wanted the download. She was like, I'm a big fan. Where's Bobby?

First question out of everybody's mouth. Where's Bobby? You're doing with Shane? Yeah, Shane, I did a couple of shows in Vegas Yeah I have a photo for you What is that? We'll show you a photo

Okay I did a couple of shows with Shane in Vegas Shane You know Just phenomenal, dude The venue was unbelievable What is that? Oh, it's a photo of me and

Taylor Swift You're friends with Taylor Swift Oh yeah You guys Bum bum bum He's high class now Elite elite No

No we went to the football game It's funny that that's the only photo that they chose to snag of me. The Times of India. Oh, whoa. Once you've made it, you've made it, man. Taylor Swift's surprising chat with Andrews. Surprising chat with loser, ugly ginger boy, Andrew Santino, Chiefs game.

Sparks his wedding disc. Yeah, this was the most misinterpreted thing I've ever said. I said, I probably, I had said on, on part of my take. I'd said, like, they were like, oh, you're going to go to the wedding? I was like, dude, I don't know. I also don't want to talk about it. I was like, leave me the fuck alone about this. But that photo, though, so you're mid-smile, you have, you're, like, looking out, you have

your finger, you have your finger here, she must have said something funny. So what, so, say what she said. Come on. If you think I'm going to let you bake me or something right now. What's the finger about, though? I'm sure I was, I tried to cover your mouth. Yeah, I was covering my mouth. I was saying, yeah, a racially charged joke to her, and I was trying to cover my mouth.

Yeah, and she's in midst saying a punchline or something, and you. Look at your face. You've never laughed that hard in front of me, ever. What do you God's... What is she saying that's going to give you that reaction? I actually don't know. Look at that face. I don't know the moment in time.

I've never seen you make that face. What does she smell like? Yeah, what does she smell like? Tell us. I mean, you could get... Why don't you guess? Okay, Rose, macha. Rose hips.

Yeah, rose hips. Yeah, yeah, I mean? Soft-serve matcha. That's just your favorite. That's why you're saying. No, no, no. Just on the pits. Smells like a global superstar would smell.

Whoa. Bottle that up. Bum bum bum bum bum. Dude, she's so very sweet, very cool, very nice. And they're very courteous to let me even come near that booth because probably the most unaccomplished ugly guy in the whole click.

But they let me in. Wow. Anyway, what was I saying? You broke up my brain. Yeah. What did you break up my brain? What were we saying? These dominatracies.

Oh, yeah. Joe and I go to get pizza after the Gillis show. And we go to get pizza and these three women it was the dude this is crazy in Vegas it was the marathon

the four aces the WNBA team's parade for winning a championship emo fest which was you would have fucking lost your mind. Oh, love emo fest Dashport Confessionals is my favorite.

Dashport, well Blink played with Panic at the Disco and two, I don't know three other bands and we meet these three girls and I was like oh did you guys at Emo Fest and she's like, kind of, we did something else.

And I was like, oh, what did you do? And she's like, we're dominatracies. And I was like, I am so fucking curious about, like, I want to know. I was like, what, like, how many got, what percentage of men do you actually like hook up with or who just wants the, you know, the game? And she's like, it's much, it's way low on actual sex. I got tied up once. Oh, tied up is nothing. This is like kick, beat, insult, drag, make you dress up

in different outfits, spitting, kicking. I go, how many guys get like genital mutilation. She's like a ton, a high amount of people. Like razor blades to the privates. Anything, kick, pull, squeeze. What about shitting? These were not shys a girls. These were not shys of girls.

They were not German. These were German girls. They weren't German girls. Yeah. We came to Vegas for a little fun. Yeah. Little poopie, poopie, poopie. Circus, circus, poopie.

Would you ever get that done though? Brother, what? No. Get tied up. I don't like, no. Why not? I'm missionary for a minute and a half and then go to bed.

Really? Okay, a minute, maybe a full minute, not even a minute and a half. Yeah. No, I don't want to get hurt while I have sex. That's not for me. I respect it. I do easy mode first. Yeah, dude.

Yeah, yeah. Don't go full, full blown masterclass. I play as the first guy, you know, at the first avatar. Like an NPC? Yeah, the simple NPC. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's who I am. I've been willing to get tied my hands behind my back.

You're this NPC. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My legs tied like this, right? And just a light smack on the cheek. I don't mind. And then I'll go, you know what I mean? Turn it up. Turn it up.

You got to start, you got to start with one. You can't start at nine. You can't start at nine when your first time getting tied up. It's nuts. No, no, no. I go, okay, do that, right? With a little, pucker. And then level two is what?

Two cheeks. Double double. Yeah, too cheek it. Two cheek it. Pop. Maybe she chokes a little bit. Right. And then maybe stick a toothpick inside the penis hole.

No? No. What level is that? I don't, that's level five or two. You're skipping levels. You don't go from like pop pop up. Oh, right, right, right. Oh, no.

So twist my nips. Twist nips, twist nips. Yeah, and I'm not talking about my Japanese friends. Carlos is a nip twist. Yeah. But she was fascinating, dude. I was so intrigued. I was like, I want to know everything about it.

The one girl was very shareable. The other one was like, I'm eating my pizza. Leave me alone. I wish I was there. You would have loved it. I would have done it. And they were rad. How much money do you think?

She didn't tell because I didn't want to ask her about finances. But I imagine, because I did say, how expensive does it get? She's like, well, some sessions are in the thousand. thousands. So in the multi-thousand. Yeah, we have one right there. But do people orgasm or are they just like the pain? It's not about coming. God damn it, that's the best part, no? No, no, no, no, no, no.

No, you just need a... Richie, isn't that the best part? Of course. Of course. Yeah. I would love to see Richie tie it up there. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Can we get you a dominatrix and you'd be down to...

Sure. Yeah, yeah. We're going to film it. Okay. You're really down to be on cam. depending on how far it goes. I also met a guy. Level five,

toothpicks in the... Oh, no, I don't want to do you think. I also met a guy this weekend who, in this familial group of friends that I guess we had met before, he is a... He works in porn. He started off as a film...

as a filmographer. He started off as McCone, right? A shooter. And now, I go, you ever get in front of the camera? He goes, I've been doing it lately. I go, ooh, a little tiny Filipino guy. I go, what's going on with that?

Who is it? And he goes, yeah it's kind of cool I go well what do you what are you like what are you doing he's like I'm the cuck so he's like I don't get to penetrate I'm the boyfriend that gets cheated on in front of me with the girl well tell me explain explain explain he's the cuck he in the video of like you know like in a porn where it's like he's cuck he just stands there and watches that's not him yeah yeah but he just stands there and watches can he play with himself while it's happening no oh man that's like the punishment can he stick his finger in his own he can do nothing

he doesn't I go do you ever get to do anything he goes no I just have to watch that's what that would be me, I'd just be like, with one finger in there. One finger in your ass. I wouldn't even go up and down. I'll just stick it in. He was great. He was very interesting. Wow.

Very interesting stories I met. This weekend in Vegas was interesting, a little... I wonder what that... But, I mean, it must be arousing to watch. I mean, I don't know. I mean, I think the goal would be to not get into it because then you're really in character. It's about the pain of it all.

Yeah. Some guys let their... They like to watch their wives. That's what cucking is. Well, I'm just explaining to the audience. No, but I mean... You're explaining to one of my family members who watches the show weekly?

My aunt is like, hmm, thank you, Bobby. Hot wife is married. Hot wife is a married woman who has sexual relations with other men with the full knowledge and consent of the husband. That's just the opposite. They call them hot wives. So a hot wife is a woman who has a cuck husband. Yeah.

And it's all good to go. Consensual non-monogamy. I want to be with an ugly wife so I can do it. I'll be the hot husband. Buddy. You don't think I'd never be the, I don't know, buddy. You don't think I'd ever be the hot husband. I don't think.

Yeah, yeah. Not in this lifetime. I can describe you the woman. I believe in reincarnation. I do think in your next life you could be. But I do not think that's in your cards this time around. And that's a compliment because you date women much more attractive than you. That makes me so upset what you're saying.

Shrekking. You're Shrekking. I'm not Shrekking. Yeah. You've been Shrekking all day. You're Shrek King. Yeah, yeah. You tell me you don't date women out of your league.

That's insane. That's all you do is date beautiful women. That's all you do. And that's a compliment. Yeah. But it's a backhanded one. It's still backhanded. But it doesn't matter.

Every guy we know dates women out of their league. Do you know someone that's with someone that's on their level of looks? Yeah, you're right. I don't want to name names. I know a couple of guys with girlfriends. I'm like in, I'm not. But I had a magical little weekend in Vegas. It was wonderful.

It is an interesting city. Is it dead, like they say? No, fuck, no. What do you mean? I just told you how many things were there. Like, literally, the Marathon, Emo Fest. Every hotel was packed, sold out. It was crazy.

Look, it's probably also because it's high season right now because it's getting shitty in other parts of the country. People want to go get away. And Vegas was perfect weather. And the shows were fucking incredible. And we were gambling with Shane's dad, which was the funniest thing in the world. Because Shane gave him a little bit of money.

I met his dad. I like his dad. Phil's the fucking greatest man alive. He gave him a little bit of money. So we go down and sit at the table. Shane was like, I got to go to my room to go get money because I have cash in the room. And I was like, well, we can just give you cash. And he's like, no, Phil, I just gave you cash.

He just gave his dad cash. Like he had just given it to him. And he was giving me some. And his dad was so funny, he was like, no, no, I'll give you a little bit. And he was like holding out on giving him money. And Shane was like, are you fucking serious right now? I just gave you that money. But he gave him like a lot of money.

I think he just handed it to him. He was like, dad, go gamble. And he was holding back on it. But, dude, Shane, on fire. Yeah, he's. No, no. He was winning money. I lost all my money.

And at the very end, he goes, we got to go. We were going to go to this other thing. And he goes, just put whatever all in. And I was like, all in. I go all in and I'm excited. I get 20. I get two face cards. And I'm like, we're winning.

She flops out 21. It actually hurt. It actually hurt. He was like, you're good. You don't care. I was like, no, no, no, it's okay. It was all the money that I put down. But it's okay.

It doesn't matter. Did you ask me about my weekend? Well, I'll act the same as you just acted about me explaining. What happened in your weekend? Here, what happened in your weekend? What did you do? Nothing. No, I went to, I did the Irvine improv again.

Orange County's finest. Yeah. Can I ask you this, though? Okay, so I have a real problem. I need your advice. Yeah. So, you know, I don't want this to be taken the wrong way. Okay.

How many black guys have you been dating? Just two. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And no whites? No whites. Good for you.

Good girl. So I've been kind of like a black guy where I have a lot of entourage now. Well, yeah. How many people are you traveling with? Well, because I called you from the hotel room. Yeah, yeah. And I talked to, it was you, Ramsey, Catbird, Luke. Luke.

Yeah. And one more person. But then Gilbert, Alex, my guy, showed up. Yeah. And a couple of assistants from the agency. Right? But here's my problem with it. Mr. Hollywood.

Really? I come with an entourage I'm Hollywood. Cut to the Taylor Swift photo. Go to the Taylor Swift photo. I cut to the entourage from Hollywood. I didn't bring an entourage. What? I didn't bring an entourage.

With Taylor, the world is your entourage. You've never heard that quote before? No, but I got to tell you, you better use that. It's really good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. World is your entourage. The world is your entourage. Show what?

You had about eight, nine people in the... Right, but my problem is. this is fine, right? I'm, you know, I can afford it, but. You're so annoying. That's so annoying. But in the middle, but in between shows, right, it's like, I need to eat. Yeah, I do.

So everyone goes. Everybody's got to go eat. No one has money. Well, yeah. No one has money. Well, dude. No one has money. You're taking door guys from the store.

I know, I know. Of course they don't have. And then all of a sudden it's like, I'm fine, right? But I'm like, you know, there's all these, like, went to this Korean restaurant, which is pretty good, right? next to the, there's a new Korean restaurant next to the Irvine Improv.

Okay. Right, and it's called Galby Social Club. Close. Yeah. They're right there. Yeah, yeah. And it's literally right next to the,

right? So I'm like, this is go to the Galby, two, you know, you're going, and then they have these packages, like,

you know what kind of meats do you want? Like, there's a feast package. Sure. Right. And usually like, I can, I'll just go,

I'll take one of that, right? But now it's like, yeah, I'll take five of that. Yeah. Right? It adds up.

It adds up to it adds up Right And people are feasting Yeah they're doing the Trump feed Yeah yeah Throwing you know mean Bougogi in their mouth Right playing little games

Yeah yeah yeah right Right Marinated mariner And then they're ordering more More steamed egg More steam dag Right in my mind I'm calculating more steam day That's fucking 1995 there

You know I mean Saki Drink on it on All right And you get the bill And you look around the table And they all look like Little Orphan Annie's friends

Yeah Meek, you're right, like all over twists. May I have another, sir? May I have another pot bowl of porridge, please? Just more, one more steamed egg, please. Yeah, right? And then it's just like, you got to do it because. Why don't you tell me how much it was?

I mean, that many people? What is the bill for that many people? It's not that much. It's not that much. Like I said, I can afford it. You can. But, um. And you did it.

So that's what happens. But yeah, you, you have no problem with it. There is a code of stand-up that. that you are supposed to pay for your openers. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You have to with, yeah, yeah, yeah, because you have the money in there. Everyone from CA, come down. Well, no, no, no, no, okay, okay, okay.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, come on down, you know what I mean? With the agents, by the way, the rule is, the hierarchy pays. The agents, when they show up, they should pay. It wasn't the agents, it was the assistance. Oh, then you got to pay. I got to pay. But if the agent shows up or someone at the agency, they pay because... I love them, by the way, thanks for showing up, because it makes you feel good

that the company is coming out. want anybody to show up ever to my shows that's at my age please don't ever show up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on down, come on down, but it's like, go to his shows. I prefer no one to come. You know what I want in the group? But go to Arby's before and then. I want my feature. I want my host, my future, and that's it. Yeah. That's all, I don't want a bunch of people. I feel good. I want her to do it. You like the entourage. Yeah, no, no, it gets you off. You like that. You

enjoy that thing. And then all of a sudden, like, you know what, a guy has three other friends. You know what? They came to the show. Compt? Sure. Compt! Yeah, well, what? They're not going to pay for fine, that's fine. But then they're like, can they come? And you're like, they can come. Yeah, let them come. Everyone wants to come.

Let everybody come, right, Richie? Oh, yeah. Yeah, say, let everybody come. Let everybody come. Clip it. Honestly, dude, you got to do it. Well, what's my opinion? You want in my opinion?

Do you have to do it? Yeah, you got to do it. It's the hierarchy of pay. Those that make them, and by the way, then when you're with other comics, like at our, we either swap, like, I'll pay, you pay, or you do credit card roulette. So one of us has to throw our credit card in a hat and then one of the, and usually make the server pick it,

then they pick it out, and then whoever gets hit gets hit. Have you ever picked up the tab? No, oh my God. Have you ever picked up the tab? I don't even think she pays for gas. Sometimes with my friends. No.

Really? Sometimes. Okay, let me ask you to say. In your friend group, do you have the most money? I don't think so. Really? I've seen your friend group. Gules, let's go out to eat.

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Yeah, well, I don't, I never, I don't know, sometimes. How about this? When you're going on on dates now. Oh, I don't pay. You cannot pay. No, I don't offer. Do you offer half? You don't even do that? No, thank you.

Has any guy ever said, do you want to, Split it? No, but that would be crazy. I would just leave. I saw a video the other day. It was empowerment right there. Yeah. On full display.

A TikTok where a guy picks up a girl for his day and the girl brings her son to get a free meal. How old is the kid? He's like five years old. That's okay. If you picked up a girl with a kid. Five years old is cute. Five's funny.

You know what, by the way? You use that as ammunition. You joke with the kid. You say funny stuff. You make faces. You make them laugh. She loves you more. That's a home run.

Okay, I guess. strategy. Yeah, yeah, you're right. But by the way, five, six, kind of the cut off. If she brings a 10-year-old, that's bananas. Yeah. He can stay at home alone. Ten?

I mean, we started being home alone when we were like eight. Yeah. You're fine. There's hot dogs in the fridge. Do you remember I was dating? Yeah. And so I remember she came out with her son. That kid was 30.

Yeah, no, he was 12 years old. Right. Right. That's over the breaking point. And then he goes, when I pick up from the airport, all he could say is, I have a short throat. He's a little short throat? Yeah, no, sore throat.

Oh, I said he's a short throat. Yeah, I have a sore throat, right? So we get to my house and I go to, you know, DoorDash and I just go. I have a sore throat. Yeah, I can only eat caviar. I said, hey, kiddo, I say, hey, kiddo, what kind of flavor do you want? I don't care. I gave them every brand.

Well, that's a problem. It comes to my house. I give them packets of it, like bags of it. he sticks in his mouth and he goes it spits it on the floor right so then I go pick it up

and he goes you pick it up he goes I go pick it up you pick it up you pick it up you know what I did I picked it up I fucking picked it up he won he never had another bag again I still have those fucking fucking things in my house

he's got a bag of store yeah ever since then I'm like no more kids yeah you got to cut it off yeah yeah but five or six is cute And you use that. You go, you ingratiate yourself to the kid. Then it's going, oh, he's a nice guy. He likes my kid.

And if the kid's funny, you might have more fun with him than a date. She would have to be. Carlos, back me up on this. Yeah, they got to be hot. They have to be the hottest thing. I look, look, not in the dating game, but I got to tell you, there's probably a lot of five-year-olds I'd rather joke around with than some of the girls that you date.

I probably. they're annoying right some of them are they're annoying right I can see your face some of them I'd rather be like I'd rather chat with a five year old

about trains and monsters yeah I remember one time I was with a girl and we were in Vegas or something you literally called because I was gone I went to the bathroom and said you gotta get the fuck back here

I go why I go you said so-and-so is fucking annoying you can't leave me alone with these people I don't know what to talk to them about I feel more comfortable with a kid and we can joke around. Yeah.

I can make a fart noise and that's 30 minutes right there. Yeah. I start doing, and they're like, ah, lose their mind. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I can't do that to your date. I had this one girl, I had this one girl, she had to come back and apologize to you for being rude. Oh, yeah. Do you remember that? Yeah, I do.

Because she was just like, because she was a huge fan, but then she was like, but when I meet him? A fan of you? No, not a fan. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no.

She said, when I meet him, Andrew, right? I gotta, I gotta, I gotta have confidence. I'm like, no, just be your I go, just be your fucking stuff She goes, no, no, no, I have And then when she met you She was a fucking bitch

Super mean Yeah, she was like, hey, what's that? And I'm, in my mind, I'm like What are you doing? Not the move! Yeah, yeah And then like 10 minutes later She had to come back up to you and go

Hey, sorry about my attitude But that point I was already out You're out. I'm out, I'm out Yeah This is my point. So look, on new dates New dates, bring a kid

Ladies out there. Yeah. I don't have a kid. yet mark my words no yeah it's coming for you but you're up to no good if you went on a date with a guy and he had a couple of kids would you would that turn you off or no

I think right now it would why I just don't want to deal with kids yeah yeah but what if you met a guy okay look you're 23 yeah what if you met a guy that's 28 and he has a kid then no here look ages 20 to 29 which is your age range approximately 24% of black men

in this age range, have father to child. So a quarter of the men that are going to take you out have a father or have a child. So you're going to meet a guy who's going to have a kid. You're going to have to decide at some point, what are you going to do? You're going to fall in love with this man and be the new mom.

No, I don't want to be a mom. Well, I'm just telling you, statistics are there. Ever. Yeah. 35% of non-Hispanic Asian men. I want to be like you with you, Toby. Like, explain to me what my, I'm like. Go and just old and just like.

Yeah, I'm single and old. Single and old. Do you say I want to be like you? Yeah. Interesting. Really? Yeah. I influenced you in that way.

I think so. Yeah, yeah, my lifestyle. Yeah. Yeah. You are a life coach. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah, you are.

Because last night I was just like, I'm just going to play Dying Light part two till five in the morning. How'd that go? Great. Completed it. No, it's impossible. There's so many side missions.

It's on and on. It's the scary, it's the dumbest game. At night, have you played Dying Light? No, not yet. At night, it's the most terrifying. What about Silent Hill? I couldn't finish it. I couldn't finish it.

I started watching the BTK Killer last night because everyone's been sending me that it's you. I know, dude. You saw the BTK Killer. The drawing is you. Have you seen the drawing? I know. Go to BTK Killer drawing.

Please don't. I get DMs and text about it. All day. Look at that. That's a hundred percent. That's so obvious. Richie. That's so obviously you, though.

It's like, who's that? That's Bobby Lee. Yeah, yeah. Did you watch that BTK Killer? No, but I'm a. big fan it's tragic dude it's awful to watch who's here it's heartbreaking who is here who's here oh we have a guest oh spooky spooky spooky flames spooky spooky flame is here spooky flame is here spooky flame dude you look like you just got off a meth binge yeah it looks like somebody

extingu extinguished your flame there yeah what's going on dude uh you look see wild-eyed oh I don't know. I don't know. Your eyes are so blue. Yeah, your eyes are blue. Okay, thank you. Beautiful boy. Thank you.

How's it been going? Real beautiful. Is this your Halloween costume? We asked you to come in costume? Yes. It's like the Project X outfit. Oh, it's what you wore in the movie? Yeah, yeah.

Oh my god. Is that exactly the clothes that you wore in the film? Yes. Well, I mean, different jacket, but pretty much. Can I be honest with you, bud? Yeah. It's not even a little bit like that. Wait, zoom in.

how young you are there how old are you there 18 wow wow how old are you now 33 is that good memories of project X yeah yeah you do you have good memories of that that was film near here yeah yeah you still do you still get residuals from that movie uh yeah pretty small but yes like what's an average one from that film um i think probably like 3,000 a year oh that's not bad yeah not bad free money yeah and then dumb and dumber no what Is who y'all are dressed as? No, Ben and Jerry, the ice cream. Okay, yeah, I'm Chunky Monkey.

Yeah. Who are you? Meg. Oh, okay, cool. It's not all part of the same theme. Like, those guys are not part of Ben and Jerry at all. Can you guess what they are? What do you think Carlos is?

Oh, Sonic. Yeah. And look who's right next to him, his tails. Right there, that's tails. Richie's tails. Richie, what do you think Richie is? I don't know. Karen Carpenter.

And then who do you think is in the back there? Who do you think is in the back? He told me Groucho Marx. So you already got tipped off? Yeah. Well, can you want to lie and retake it again? Yeah. Who is that in the back?

Someone with a mustache. You started off right. It's Hitler. It's Hitler. That's Hitler. That's Hitler before he shaved it into a little tiny. So Hitler actually, that's actually the outfit that he was known for the most.

And then he shaved the little tiny mustache here. The art school one. This is art school Hitler. Oh, you're the art school Art school Hitler, dude That's Art School Hitler That was art school Hitler before he got denied

and kind of really changed his thought process about the world But there he is That's art school Hitler Is that him as a kid? Yeah. Yeah.

Do you think you could At that point? Look at that, whoa! Wow. Look at those legs. But as a kid, do you think It looks like Pete. You'd be able to change his mind.

Huh? If you ran into Hitler or you had a time machine, you ran into that Hitler that was like nine years old, do you think you could be able to change the direction of his life? What would you say?

That's a really good question. What would you say? Hi, little Hitler. I can't do the eye of... Okay. Yeah. Hello, little Hitler. Hello, Chinese boy.

Already, it's hard. Yeah. Well, you know, I'm not Chinese. I think you're just, you know, I'm from a different... But, you know, we're all human beings. We're all the kind of the same. You're all from China as far as I'm concerned.

Yeah, I get it But it's like I'm Korean Rice man Please you know what Calling derogatory words Little rice man Tiny little rice man Tiny little

Yeah yeah Anyway No I like you You people are okay Yeah You're not so bad Yeah I think all people are equal no

All people are equal Yeah Not all What do you What do you mean A few people don't deserve The same things As me

I see Well let's go through Let's go through the fucking groups Blacks, Jews, Asian. Yeah? All equal? Yeah, they're equal on their little plane. Oh, so you're in a different category.

Yeah, we're superior. Okay. Papp, p, p, p, p, no, you killed nine-year-old alert. I would kill him. You can't flip that guy. I don't think it was born. I don't think he was born like that. I think something tragic happened to him.

I think he was probably molested in art school, which is why he had this whole weird art school thing. Oh. He was molested, and then this was his rage against the world. Was Hitler molested? got to be. Was he gay? Gotta be.

No, Hitler wasn't gay, dude. He wasn't cool enough to be gay. Historians and scholars have found no credible evidence that Adolf Hitler was sexually molested. Rumors circulated after World War II. These were largely for propaganda purposes and have been discredited. I like how they discredited.

They had to go out of their way to find out. They're like, all right, who molested Hitler? He had a harshness of his father. Dramatic episodes. Yeah, I think he had something fucked up. All right, raise your hand if you molested Hitler. Guys, come on. We're not going to get back to painting until you guys tell me who did it.

Yeah. We want to do watercolors. Listen, I think he was born that way. You really do. You probably a sociopath. No, because something had to have happened to him, dude. I think we're all born pretty clean and good. Something cracks a human.

Something breaks. Every time you watch these true crime documentaries, something really bad happened. Right? Dax, has anything really bad happened to you in your life? not like that and that's why he's high-functioning normal adult but someone did say something the other day about often serial killers are bedwetters to an older age

and how when did you stop I did until too old but not anymore of course like maybe like nine or something nine it's pretty old to wet the bed yeah yeah that's older than kids that women bring on day to Bobby. That's pretty... Nine is old. I can imagine him coming downstairs, like, in The Exorcist. He just appease him before. The triad was proposed in 63 by psychiatrist J.M. McDonald,

based on the observation of small group of nonviolent patients who had made threats. It's a misconception that serial killers are bedweters. That's not true. Okay. The McDonald triad. So that's not true. And then like getting a head injury, right? What? A head injury, molestation, both physical and sexual abuse towards, that's, that this, they all kind of have a lot of that stuff in common.

but if you look at our society and then you look at like how many serial killers were in Sweden or Thailand you're talking about low numbers like three four people throughout their history well the highest concentration of serial killers has got to be from here it is it's well we're number one thousands we're number one again but why here i don't know head injuries no what you have the most head injuries you think so a lot of doctors dropping babies yeah studies suggest a correlation between head injuries and serial killing it's not a direct cause but there is a tie i wonder what the other one is what's your favorite breakfast jules rice eggs and um seaweed and kimchi and um spam spam google that and see if that's a

serial killer meal that sounds like that's exactly what i like what do serial killers eat is it like a mixed stuff yeah what is that called is that called the dish do you have a nickname it something Serial killer is a variety of foods. Zoom in. There's no single serial killer diet, and there should be. That's a new diet plan. You want to have a rip body? You've got to have the serial killer diet.

The last meal's fried chicken, french fries, onion soup, while another one requested steak with baked potato. I've been thinking about Dahmer lately, but I don't know. No, we're not going back down that rabbit hole. We have some famous horror movie scenes to bring back old script reading. I'd love to do a script reading. Let me see Dax. Also since we have a professional actor among us, Dax.

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That's wild man. That's code bad friends 50 off at factor meals.com for 50% off your first box plus free breakfast for a year. Get delicious ready to eat meals delivered with Factor. Offer only valid for new Factor customers with code and qualifying auto renewing subscription purchase. Do you see one that you want to do, Jules? I mean, you love scary movies. What about seven? The scene from seven. Yeah, let's do seven. Who are you going to be, Jules? Mills or John Doe? Um, Mills.

Okay. You're John Doe? You're going to be John Doe. No, no, no, no, you got to be John Doe. I don't do stage directions. Okay, please. Okay, go ahead. Who's Mills again?

I don't remember. What? Who's Mills? That's Brad Pitt's character, right? Then, Dax, you are Somerset in this scene. Okay. And remember, Somerset, you're an old black man. So you really got to turn on that voice.

Yeah, yeah. Is it Morgan Freeman? Yes, it is. Have you ever seen the movie? Okay. Okay. Even better. Marshlands, early evening.

Here he comes. That's what? Stop. Stop. You're Kevin Spacey on this. That was my Spacey. Okay, my bad. I was talking about a boy.

Yeah, extension. Extension. Extension, Marshlands early evening. Here he comes. what I wish I could have lived like you shut up

the fuck you're talking about do you hear me detective I'm trying to tell you how much I admire you and your pretty wife what Tracy what you fucking say too Asian

read the whole thing yeah meals freezes turns to dough dough smiles Somerset is close it's disturbing how easily a member of the press can purchase information from the men in your precinct.

Somerset starts running towards Mill. Throw your gun down. Now that is Morgan Freeman. Now that is Morgan Freeman. Give me to me one more time. Yeah. You're also screaming it. Throw your gun down.

No, that was louder. I understand that, but you know how far apart they are? Yeah, you're yelling. You're literally like, you know, I mean, a quarter of a mile away. Go for it. Yeah. Throw your gun down. Same occar.

Very good. Same occar. I visited your home this morning after you'd left. Mills is filled with aching terror. I tried to play husband. I tried to taste the life of a simple man. Summer set this 50 yards away in closing. Throw it away.

Louder. Throw it away. Loud as you can. Yeah. Throw it away. It didn't work out, so I took a souvenir. Her pretty head. Mills.

Mill raises his gun in the air. Mills, gun in the air. No, no, no. Give me the gun. What's going on over there? Somersie throws his own weapon away. Put the gun down. Show me the box.

What was in the box? Because I envy your normal life. Put the gun down, David. It seems that envy is my sin. What's in the box? What's in the fucking box? I just told you. You lied.

You're a fucking liar. Shut up. Cut, cut. For a second. Just cut for a second, right? I think you subconsciously know that there's something terrifying in the box and you, I think you do know

that it's your wife's severed head. So you're angry. Much more panic. Well, how would you feel if you did, if you, if someone had a severed head of someone that you love? Scared. Scared.

Yeah. And pissed. And mad. Rage. Well, imagine if someone came to you in the desert with a box and Tito's, Bobby's head was in there. How would you feel?

Mad. But not with a smile. Yeah, I don't think that would be a good example. I think, somebody else. Yeah, I'd be mad. Issa, your sister. Ooh, Issa's head is in a box. Yeah.

Okay. No, not in a happy donut. Yeah, yeah, while you're smiling. The smiling is crazy. Or let's go back to, let's go back to, it seems that envy is my sin. It seems that envy is my sin. What's in the box?

What's in the fucking box? I just told you. You lied. You're a fucking liar. Shut up. It's what he wants? He wants you to shoot him. No.

No, you tell me, that's not true. That's not true. Become virgins, David. She's all right. You tell me. He's crying at them. He's crying at this. She's crying at.

I'm crying? Yeah. Kind of crying rage. Become wrath. Tell me she's all right. Are you laughing? If you murder a suspect, David. No, no.

She begged for her life, detective. She begged for her life and the only lie for the baby inside her. Somerset slaps John Doe across the face. Shut up. Mills' face lit fills with confusion, then a wave of horror. Doe's eyes register shock.

He didn't know. Mills raises and lowers the gun a few times sobbing. Give me the gun, David. Mill turns the gun on John Doe David If you kill him he will win Oh God Oh God

Dude Morgan Freeman would be jealous He would be jealous Yeah yeah So good Dax Hello? Okay Very good

Thank you Thank you very good Yeah very good stuff Very good Those are very good You want to temp blue velvet or That's a good It's a good seed

Do you miss acting? It was good. Yeah, it was good. Do you miss acting? Yeah, yeah, I love acting. We got to get you back. We got to make him, we have to write a movie and get Dax in it. He's got to be the nemesis, though.

You have to be evil. You have to be evil. Right? Would you play an evil guy? What's the most evil thing you've done in your life? Kill the fish. Purposely? Purposely, but because my grandpa had left, we went fishing and you know you have to kill the fish after you catch it.

You don't have to. Well, I couldn't get the hook out of its mouth. And then he had left to go help my mom And then I had to kill the fish with a rock Carlos, will you Google serial killer tendencies ties With Killing Fish with Rocks? Is there a tie to Well, check if it's like while people are fishing No, no, no, no, that doesn't matter. That's, I think we got

Two well-known serial killers, Jeffrey Dunmerin, Albert Fish have documented ties to killing fish and other small animals But I didn't like it. It says right here Neither of them enjoyed it while it was happening. They were fishing with their grandfather. Did you cry while you're doing it? Um, no, no. They show tendencies to not cry at all

while they're killing the fish. Did you feel anything at all? Yeah, yeah. What did you feel? Terrible. Studies show the word they use is terrible at the beginning, but then sexual arousal when it's over. Did you have an erection?

No. Okay, okay. Most of them can't get an erection, it says here, because of the terror, terror. Wow. Do you think you may have some serial killer tendencies um no but that maybe aligns so yeah uh maybe one maybe singular hmm that i think he's the opposite of a serial killer i think he's a good guy or your heart is so pure well he could just be a regular killer and not yeah you know he could

yeah no he's not a killer i think you're sweet guy thank you yeah i don't also a party guy I've seen him a lot in parties that I went Okay, what party did you go to where you saw Dax? The Zach Justice one And another one Oh, that's true It was my friend Ryan's birthday And you went to that?

Yeah A lot of influencers, people there? A lot of young people Who invited you? Zach Because you know she's on his podcast now as a permanent I see that Yeah

I see that on the internet How do you, wait, wait How do you feel about that, Andrew? Well, you're a bad friend, then you do Tiger Belly, then you do Trash Tuesday, then you do this. You're kind of like a pod hopper, if I'm being on it. Yeah, let's be, no loyalty. No, you're a pod hopper.

Look, there's a pod hopper right there. Oh, my God. Yeah, look at that. There she is pod hopping all over the place. Podhopping, all over the place. Look at her. You're a podhopper. It's actually not a good thing to be.

It's just family podcast, Tiger Belly. Ew, you pod hopper. Look at this. More, more. You're evil podhopping. Yeah, that's what's evil as pure as podhopping. Yeah. You stay loyal to us, but no, she's pot-hopping.

He's pot-hopping, dude. Are you and Zach just good friends? How do you know him? He too Bobby. Right. So you introduced the pod-hopper too. Yes, I did. Well, it's your fault.

You know, he swooped in. Pod-hopping. You pot-hopped. Mrs. I don't feel like podcasting. It had to force you to do it. Yeah. Now, pod-hopping. Now, anyone asks, you'll do it.

How excited are you about the Dodgers? Oh, my God. You're such a big Dodger fan. I am. And where are they now? World Series. You name some of your favorite Dodgers? Yeah.

Freeman, I like. Freddie Freeman, I like Shohay. The best. That other Japic, that game that he played last Friday. It's probably the greatest baseball game in the history of baseball. You're a big Dodger fan, Dax? As big of like any other team. That doesn't.

That's not an answer. Yeah, it's not an answer. That's like when you say, do you like food? And they're like, I like food like people like food. Yeah. They're showy, so handsome. He's handsome, elitist. Big boy.

He's a big boy. He's a big boy. That's what she goes to, right to a big boy. Yeah. He is a big, big boy. That's Japan's finest export. He has Pearl Harbor energy all the time. Well, it's payback, baby.

Yeah. And that's his girlfriend. Yeah. Right there. That's wife. Oh, wife, sorry. Mamiko. Yeah.

What is it? Mamiko. Say it again? Mamiko. Very good. You don't have to... It's not a hello kitty. Do you think, though, do you think in his head, though?

She makes me look tan. That's what I like about Japanese women. They make me look tan. Yeah. Do you think in his mind is like, I shouldn't marry because now I think I could get white pussy. No. Do you think or not?

That's what you think. No. Dude, he's from Japan. Bob's mad now. He's from Japan. His favorite, I think Japan, he has to, he represents Japan. He's got to have a Japanese wife. Yeah, he has to.

He has some dumb American wife. What a waste of his time. He's got some bozo goofball. Like, he played in Orange County before. Imagine if he was with some Orange County or some like Laguna Beach chick, you'd be bum. She's very pretty. She's gorgeous. She's gorgeous.

Gorgeous. Yeah. Beautiful. Japanese girl? What's the way you laughing? Because I know you have that mindset of like holding out till like you have succeeded a lot. What are you talking about? Because you can get the hottest girls when you're at your richest and most famous. And I know you actively seek that. Because I would too. I get it. You've said to me an Asian American at their highest pinnacle is getting a hot white girl. You've said that. You've said that. You've said that as a successful Asian American,

the pinnacle is getting a hot white girl. It's called playing in the snow. Playing in the snow. Snow Bunny life. Yeah. You say that, dude. Don't pretend like that's not true. Is that not true? No. It's not.

Okay. Acting. I mean, do you think, would you ever date an Asian woman? Yes. Have you? No. I've been on a date. With an Asian.

Yeah. You can't take this the wrong way, please. You seem like you do like Asian girl. Yeah. Okay. You've got I like Asian girl, white guy energy. Yeah, like it's almost a fetish. Oh, no, like a tech guy.

Yeah. Sure. Do you like dried squid? I've never had that. Okay. See, we watch porn. What do you watch? Oh, I don't know.

He doesn't watch it. Do you watch it? Sometimes. What's your Google history? I mean, your Pornhub history. The feds probably know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What were we talking about early?

really it's uncomfortable yeah yeah you don't want to talk about that yeah yeah it's too you know it's so funny

you because I know you now pretty well you don't like to talk real private stuff true yeah yeah you want to protect

some things about your private life yeah why is that you think I'm just too timid talking about porn on a podcast I agree

it's stupid we shouldn't be talking about it at all. Okay. I agree with you. I agree too. Say it's stupid guys to talk about this crap. It's stupid to talk about this crap. Let's talk about something smarter. Thank you. Oh, I see. And he's right. Let's tell me, give us something smarter. That is true. What would you like to talk about that's more intellectual? You know much about the A1 Atlas meteor approaching Earth? Um, yeah. Is that what it's called A1? Yeah. What, would tell us about about this comet that's hurling toward earth it's risky but people aren't too worried what's

risky about it that it could collide or something but do you think it's an alien spacecraft no okay we have another way to test intelligence i have a Halloween trivia game let's see how smart you really are how do you do you yell it out or do you just raise your hand it's gonna be like the old days it's point based there's 25 questions we're all gonna go in order of that everybody gets to buzzing and go first but we'll start with you being able to go first but I mean do you want to buzz in or do want to go everybody equal gets a first question everybody equal okay I'm not gonna plug in because you're not gonna see this so it'll just go down the line like if I don't get it right then it's your turn your well you guys will

all guess because some of them are gonna be like multiple choice not multiple choice but like like question one what is the most popular Halloween candy what's the most popular Halloween candy. Bob, you're up. What do you think? Fuck, that's a good one. Fuck, man. I know my answer. We have to go in... Candy corn. Yeah, that's what I was going to say. Candy corn? I was going to say candy corn. Guess something else? Huh? Guess something else? Well, that's the one I...

That's not the game. The game's not good that one. Okay, cool. I mean, you guys can both guess candy corn. And then if you both are right, you both get a point. Yeah, I think that's good. Candy corn is my guess. Candy corn. Uh, Reese's peanut butter cup. Ooh, I would see it. That's a good one. Okay, we do candy corn, they do cups. They're correct.

Reese's peanut butter cups. One point for Rudy, one point for Dax. That'll piss me right off. That pisses me off, dude. What was candy corn originally called? Andrew starts. What was candy corn originally called? Yes.

Candy corn was originally called Witch's Toes. Witch's Toes. Uh. Really? I don't fucking know. I have no idea. Pumpkin fingers. Ooh, pumpkin fingers.

Body parts, this seems to be the theme. Candy pyramid. Candy pyramid, very specific. Harvest candy. Harvest candy. That's actually good, too. The answer is chicken feed. Chicken feed.

Oh, next one. What candy is given to soldiers in battle in the Korean war? Ketamine. In the Korean War? Starting with Rudy. Methanphetamine. What candy was given? given to soldiers in the Korean War.

I think I know. Sugar, there's sugar cane candy. Sugar cane candy. Hershey's. Hershey's. I'm going to go with Hershey's. I'm going to say sugar babies. Tutsi roll.

Fuck. Damn it. These are hard, man. This is one where you have the opportunity to get three points. Dax, you're up first. Or two points or one point. What are the top three most popular Halloween costumes for dogs? For dogs?

For dogs? For dogs? For dogs. For dogs? Ladybug, Scarecrow, astronaut. Me? Yeah. Sunflower.

Vampire. Um, Mommy. Toto. Um. Zombie. And Butterfly

Um Ghost Oh ghost Ghost You forgot about ghost How do you fucking Firefighters or Firefighter?

Yeah That's so funny No yeah you mean Dalmatian Yeah Yeah yeah Yeah I get it

I get it I get it too Butterfly too Butterfly What are the three Pumpkin No one of us Hot dog

None of us And bumblebee None of us It is still 2 to nothing I mean To 1 to 1 to nothing to nothing.

Bumblebee over butterfly or ladybug bullshit. That's what it says. Fuck you. Okay, let's go, let's go. Where'd you get this off? A truth social? I've pulled it from a bunch of different sources.

Okay, go ahead. I only make bugs, bumblebees. In what American state is it illegal to be a priest or nun for Halloween? Oh, it's, I know what it is. Oh, I already know. Kansas. I actually, now that I think,

I was going to say, Utah. I don't know. Name any state. Tennessee. The good guess. Arkansas. These might be too hard.

This is Alabama. No, he was close. Give him a point. He's close. No, no, no. You don't know. No, you don't know. We need to start racking up points.

Yeah, he's closest. Alabama and Arkansas are neighbors. That's close. Okay. What? We were nowhere fucking near it. Okay. A pumpkin is a fruit.

True or false? True. True. True You gotta go against the grains, kid False It's true Idiot

Idiot Idiot Idiot idiot idiot Bobby and Rudy Tied at one point Andrew and Dax Tied at three Let's go bitch

Dax Which famed horror actor Performed the monologue In Michael Jackson's thriller Vincent Price Bella Legosi. Emerald Legossi.

Sorry. Why did you say Vincent Price? I remember there's that like deep voice in that song. Yeah. I don't know. I'll say Vincent Price. I'm going to copy you. Vincent Price is correct

Very good guess Cool thanks yeah you're welcome I'm gonna out now I'm getting out now There's no way to come back Hold on there's enough questions where you can tie Okay okay okay So the standings right now Dax and Rudy are tied with five

I have four Andrew's with four And Bobby is taking up the rear with one You're always taking it up the rear His tone dude He can no longer be the question guy Richie should be done Yeah yeah yeah yeah How many...

Ritchie, can you take over? Richie, take over. Richie, it's going to hurt. I think it's his negativity. Yeah, he's embodied Groucho Marx right now. I don't like it. Yeah, so Ritchie, you take... No, Ritchie takes over.

Richie takes over. Yeah, go ahead, Ritchie. Yeah, Ritchie, go ahead, bud. All right, how many Halloween movies has Jamie Lee Curtis appeared in? The closest. Okay, Rudy. Perfect.

Six? Two. One. One. Seven. Rudy gets it again. Oh, my God. Don't look at me, dude.

I'm in the last place. I don't remember. You go against what I'm saying. I don't remember at all. In Twilight. No, you shot it. Richie! Richie, dude.

In Twilight. Richie, Richie, Richie. All right. All right. In Twilight, what year did Edward Cullen turn into a vampire? Never seen the movie. In what year? What year?

Closer to the year. Rudy's up first. No, you don't even say closest to the year. You say closest to the year, Ritchie. Closest to the year. Yeah. Like 1720? 1820.

What's the question? Richie? In Twilight, what year did Edward Cullen turn into a vampire? Oh, in the movie, like his character. So you said, you already guessed. 1720 and you guessed 1820 something? 1650. I think 1514 1918 oh so that's Dax and I've never seen the movie

so Rudy has the opportunity to tie here stop for a second the last question here it goes Richie does the question okay okay yeah yeah okay okay yeah all right yep yep All right. It's just irritating. I don't know what it is. I think that's why I'm losing. That's why.

That's why. That's why. That's why. Yes. All right. So I don't want to hear a word from me. I love you, bud. But Richie from now on, I'm so sorry, guys.

I'm sorry. He's the reason I'm losing. You're fucking, go ahead, Richie. Don't worry. I'm your good luck charm here. How many minutes does Michael Keaton appear on screen in Beetlejuze? What? Say it again?

How many minutes does Michael Keaton appear on? screen in Beetlejuice. Okay, Dax. Start. 10. 17 minutes. 28 minutes. 7 minutes.

17 minutes. Bobby gets it right and wins the game. I told you. Good luck, Joe. How did he win? No, he didn't. Dax still wins. Dax won.

Final score, Bobby Lee, three. Andrew Santino, five, Rudy Giuliani, six, Dax Flames, seven. Happy Halloween. You no longer welcome on the show. show deck you understand me yeah you'll come in here and you're okay you're supposed to throw the game for us i'll give a point to everyone so that gets you down six five four next time we do a game

right there it goes no more dates and square footage of a fuck of an area that's insane no square footage yeah or feet or any it's insane right from now on it's just fucking facts facts yeah it's only You didn't get the facts one right. Whoa. You got the guessing ones right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

You ruined, I think you ruined my Halloween, dude. This is the worst Halloween ever ever. Come on. Yeah, no, I'm being real. You ruined anything. Yeah, yeah. Any candy that you're excited about getting this year? No, because I've access to all the candy I want.

Not me. This is the only time here I'm allowed to have it in the house. Really? So what do you, what are you looking forward to? The Reese's peanut butter cups are shaped like pumpkins. Mmm. Some of my favorites.

What are you excited about this year? Um, Snickers. Don't. Don't do it. What? Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

What? Dax. Nerds gummy clusters. That makes sense. I do like that. I like sour gel or some sort. Just gel. A packet of sour gel?

I went to, In Perbant, there's a horror museum. I'm sorry. Rudy with the Snickers, it's like, it's right there. It's vainy. Yeah. Reminds you of something. Snickers, but I only like the king's eyes.

You fucking perv. You're gross. Perver. You don't even like Snickers, you perver. I went roller skating again last night by myself. Why are you doing that? Invite someone to come with you. No.

Why are you going solo skating? Because what if you fall again and get hurt? I did fall a couple of times. And then I fell once, I got up, and then there's a, he happens to be black. He's a referee outfit on. And he goes, keep it moving. Yeah, well, you can't.

I'm like, I literally get the wind knocked out of me. Give me a second. Keep it moving. Well, you got it. You got to get up and go. man, there's a whole thing going on. I know. And you got to put your thumbs up

to see if you're right. Were you okay? So when you slam you have to go like this. It's so humiliating. That's how they know you're not hurt. I'm okay, I'm okay. Was it your first time since the incident? No, I've been going by myself.

Training. Yeah. It's never going to happen again. You're never going to fall again on the most lonesome human experience you could ever have. Do you put on headphones? No. I'm just skating around.

There's this 90-year-old Japanese man. He's one foot backwards. Wow. Yeah, he's killing it, right? And it's just like, I'm going to, oh, this is, yeah, this is my life. You're that guy? No family, nobody. Stop it.

You can invite so many people that would love to come skating. No one's going to go skating on a Monday night. You should have asked Mama. I'm not going to go with your mom. Why not? She would fall over like a coconut and explode on the fucking. Coconut meat all over the place. There's no way.

Coconut skate session. Yeah, yeah. on that skate sash no there's something I like it because it kind of like um it's like when you watch a movie by yourself and something you're like I'm okay being my by myself I don't need anybody I don't want to be in a situation where I'm like I need somebody to make me feel whole I want to be able to do it on my own it's a little depressing but um I got to get prepared because I don't have any children so it's like I have to be prepared that you're going to die alone at the end you know what I mean it's going to be we're all going to die alone

Well, you're going to have friends and family around. So will you. Yeah, that Japanese man from the roller rink, maybe. He'll be long gone, my friend. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But right, Dax, don't you think? The dying alone? No, but I'm just saying, do you feel comfortable

just being by myself, like eating a meal by yourself? I do, but it sounds like you're not sure about it. Oh, wow. Explore that. Would you rather be alone? a lot of the time do you long for a partner at all yes yeah are you on the hunt i did go on a hinge date last night what are we talking where'd you go um to a bar what bar bigfoot lodge would you oh i love bigfoot lodge a beer what did she order uh they sorry they

uh i think she went by she okay what did she order what did she they order she her they uh cider A little cider? Yeah. Give me the conversation. What was it? What was it? What kind of things do you do for fun? Were you intrigued?

Mm-hmm. Was she pretty? She was pretty. Were you looking pretty? I don't know, yeah. What did you wear? A black shirt and some jeans. That's pretty.

Thanks. But you always wear, I mean. Yes. Did you make a move? No. You give her a hug? Yes. Now, do you make a move when you see a sign?

Is it a gut instinct thing with you? What is it? It's really hard. Yeah, first kiss is such a hard thing that know how to do. Do you ever ask? Do you just go, hey, I kind of want to kiss you? Yeah.

Have they said no? No, no. Oh, you've never said no. This guy closes every fucking thing. You're a fucking closer, dude. You're a fucking closer. Say it's a pretty girl. Ask me for a kiss.

Hey, it's such a fun time tonight. Do you want to kiss? Oh. That's how direct you are? That was pretty fast. Oh, I guess so. I mean, I'm wet, but that was fast. You know, you know, that's interesting.

I don't do that because I'm too scared. To act? I honestly believe that, like, I had to have a couple of signs before I go in. What are the signs? I have to know, like, if they're like... What? Baseball sign? Yeah.

No. You. Oh, yeah, yeah, no. I need, they have to be touching me a lot. A lot of touching. Right, right. And then it's just the way they look at me. How do they look at you?

Oh, I see that is a white girl. Yeah. She is. You know what I mean? And then I'm like, I think it's on. What's your signal to move in for a kiss? I can't tell, that's why. So you say, can I have a kiss?

Yeah. Or would you like a kiss? How do you phrase it? I don't remember the last, I think the last two times were they actually asked. What do they say? Should we kiss or something? Do you say yes right away or do you go, sure? Yeah.

You say, yeah, I want you. Yeah. Have you ever said the words like, Have you ever said I love you to somebody? Yes, yes. You've been in love? Yeah, yeah. And what happened?

We broke up. That's what happened. That's not funny. Why do you think you broke up? Oh, well, I think she just wasn't sure what, like, needed to figure out life or something. She did? Yeah. Because you've got to figure it out.

No, I mean, but I was, I didn't feel like I needed to break up. So you said, you said to her, I love. love you and then she said let's break up uh i mean how fast did that oh uh not in the moment oh okay okay uh because she had said it back before yeah yeah what do you mean like she had said like we had been saying it for months you said it first me um say it to me um as if you're her back then anybody someone i love i love you i don't believe it I don't believe you I don't believe you either

Do it again You want me to do it to you I'd love to Lock me in the eyes Because don't dart your little eyes away Look at me eyes I love you Who's she? Who's that?

Wait who's it? I'm Chang Bitch Hi I'm Chang Come me again Damn me again, Max I love you I believe it I believe that

You like Chang better than the other one yeah you want a kiss you do have an Asian fetish what do you want a kiss oh yes do you know do you go

closed mouthforth or do you open it closed tongue it what if she tries to dart her little tongue inside your mouth what do you do then I would

just probably accept that yeah you got to take that I feel like guys have to adapt to her and not the other way around. Of course. But why? Because we're lucky they want to do stuff with us. Right.

That's insane. So you instinctually know, okay, this is her style? Because you've seen guys. Look at what a man looks like. They don't want to do... Why would they want to do anything with us? It's insane. No, but in terms of when you first lock lips...

Have you ever seen you naked? You fully naked in the mirror? Oh, yeah. It's horrifying. No, I'm not saying you. I just think men in general. Why do you guys whispering? What are you whispering?

I called you an insult for saying that. And then he said you were a performative male. it's just back in the room talk like back in the classroom talk but we can see you yeah it's like in school they can see it's like I'm a performative male what does that mean Matt McCone pull it up I mean kind of like the old like when you'd like pretend to be like reading or like crying in your car or something pretend to be like deep you like macho yeah like performing a thing so he's a performative male it's like a mean it's like a mean now on the yeah Bobby's like exactly that guys are trying to look mysterious or like

you know like there oh yeah I'm performative I'm performing just to get I don't that's a bad thing it's I'm performative there are worse things I think it is negative it is a negative thing and um there will be revenge do y'all have first kiss advice yeah I do get permission and people usually say start slow go as fast and hard as you can. Tongue. As much tongue and you hold their ears.

Grip their fucking ears. No, I'm not... Imagine it's honeycomb and you're a bear. You're a bear. All right. And you got to... See a beehive? You open up a hole.

You stick your fucking bear tongue in there. And you get all the honey. And sometimes in the middle of kiss go... Yeah. Like a bear. Yeah. Yeah, be a bear ghost. Is that a bear or no?

Is that a pair or no? I don't know. Really? Close your eyes. You're in the woods. Okay. It's a ghost of a bear. It's a ghost bear.

Obviously a ghost bear. Yeah, yeah. Kissing advice. Let's give him kissing advice at the exact same time. One, two, three. You got to go. Are you going to do a whole sentence? You're going to do a whole sentence?

Just on the count of three. We give him advice at the same time. One, two, three. But more like. Whoa. More like how to initiate it rather than the mechanics of doing it. We're going to do it simultaneously. See if you can pick up some notes.

Ready? One, two, three. You got to lock eyes with them and then, you know what I mean? Grab the back of her head and then you just dart your face right into the face. You know what I mean? And then you open your mouth and you dart, dart, dart, dart with your tongue, right? And if she goes, no, you got to keep going, dot, dot, dot, dot, oh, oh, you keep going, keep going until she's done. Okay, thank you

And then say thank you for being a bad friend Thank you for being a bad friend Say it louder Thank you for being a bad friend Do it like Morgan Freeman Thank you for being a bad friend Very good I don't know.

I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go.