Bad Friends - Rudy's 21st Birthday feat. Matt Braunger

Episode Date: November 21, 2022

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You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? Woooo. Why dude? I'm an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. Woooo. Well, you two are something.

We're bad friends. 1, 2, 3. Happy bird. Oh, no. Oh, the other dog. Dun dun dun. Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun

From the jungle, go to the tino. We eat the duck. We love duck egg. Duck egg. We don't wash our feet. We don't wash the feet. We don't wash the feet. We like duck egg.

We like duck egg. We climb the tree and get the plating. Yeah, we do. We don't have paved roads. We don't like paved roads. How do we get anywhere by boat? How do we get anywhere boat and donkey? Is that a happy birthday song?

That's your birthday song. Do you want us to do it again? Yeah. Happy birthday to the Rudy Jules 21st birthday. Now you can go to any nightclub that you want. You can drink all the alcohol that you want. Strip clubs. Strip club.

You can stay out as late as you want. Are there strip clubs in the Philippines? Yeah, but it's not good. Oh, did you hear that? I heard that cough in the mic. Dude, that's like COVID and monkeypox together. It's like a combo of bird flu. It's got all of it.

Yeah, it's got every animal. Stars, bird flu, mad cow. All that's in there. Rudy, introduce our other esteemed guest on the show today. This is my younger sister, Isabella, who also showed up sick. Yeah. They're both very sick.

She got off the plane sick. Cool, that's cool. International sickness, that's always good. That's how this thing started. Izzy, on the plane, were you sick on the plane? I only had a sore throat. Yeah, that's how it begins. Yeah.

It starts there. And then what happened? And then a few hours after I got off the plane, I got a cold. Oh, I see. And then how long you've been in America so far? A week. Yeah, yeah, and you still have it. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right on. Right on. That's always good. That's good, yeah. She's like, it was just a cold. Then I was vomiting. And my temperature was 126.

I blacked out for two days. But great to be here. My mucus had blood in it, right? And a part of chunks of my lung inside the mucus. How old are you? How old is she? I'm 14. So we've seen pictures of you on the internet

when you met with Fancy on the boat. That's racist. Yeah, yeah. I just see them, I think, boat. I understand that. What kind of boat? What kind of boat though? Yeah?

You know. Is it an engine? No. No, they're not. No, these are their engines. It's good to see you. It's good to meet you. Big fans over here.

We're big fans of you. Do you know that? 14 years old? Holy shit, is this show OK? It's OK, yeah, yeah, yeah. For her to hear this stuff? Well, yeah, it's funny because when I went to the Philippines five or six weeks ago,

I hung out with Izzy a lot. And I literally realized that she's more grown up than Jules. She also has more to say, right? And she has points of views and opinions. And I realized that Jules is not a great older sister. I think that she's a little. What do you mean?

There it is. That's it. That doesn't prove anything. That's handicapped. Yeah. Why? That's mentally disabled. What do you mean?

By the way, you're going through your gift. Yeah, we haven't even dug that yet. I want to open it. Fine, do it then. Jesus Christ, what'd you get? OK, let me read the letter first. Please. Did I sign it?

I don't remember signing it. You did not sign the card. We all got a card. From Andres, Pete, and Tito Andrew. From Pete, happy 21st birthday. Stop. Stop. Don't blast out.

Stop for a second. You didn't put my name in there? I forgot. I didn't forget. OK. You forgot my birthday. And you didn't. Did you get any of the gifts?

What's in the bag? What's in the bag? Can I say this? No. What's in the bag? Cantaloupes. All right, so you did. I'm sorry, you did part of it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I apologize. Can I just say something? Please. What did I get you for your gift? Esa and my mom. I flew your mom and your fucking sister. But it doesn't matter.

To America. It doesn't matter. On my birthday, you didn't greet me at all. Where was I? Nowhere to be found. Nowhere to be found. Literally, where was I on your birthday? To be honest.

I don't know. You know where I was. I don't know. Where was I? Where was I there? Not there. Yeah, I was somewhere. You weren't there.

I wasn't doing a movie? I don't know. What day was that? What day was that? Wednesday. How do you not know her birthday? I was out of town. You were here.

Yeah, but you came home early. Yep. Yep. You sent me this video. You were here. You were in town. Oh, yeah, we had to do the pod. That's right.

That's right. We had to do the pod. No, no, no. But after the pod, you were free. I went home. I went back. During that thing was the pod. You made me come here.

That was your fucking fault, right? I was like, no, family's coming. You went, no, no, no, we got to do it. Is that what you said? No. No. I like, but please go ahead. I got your family out.

That's a lot of money. So don't give me bullshits. Don't make it about money. Don't make it about money. What do I make it about? It's about my intentions about it. She's rich without you. My love, not really.

Not really, not really. Go ahead. Read the fucking thing. Read the card. From Pete, happy 21st birthday. Don't black out and have your mom show up like I did on my 21st. That's cute.

I don't even know what that means. He means he blacked out so much. He had his mom come pick him up. Oh, you got drunk. I did. It was embarrassing. She didn't drink at all. Well, tell the story.

If it's embarrassing, I'd like to hear it. I was throwing up. I was blacked out. And then my brother called my mom and she showed up and she was all hysterical and there was a mess. Where were you? I was at a friend's house. Then I was just belligerent and it was really embarrassing.

Oh, we should really write that into a script. That's exciting. I mean, what the fuck? Directed by Martin Scorsese, right? And then the credits come down after it's terrible. I got drunk and then my mom picked me up. Yeah. Fade to black.

Yeah. Well, this is the worst fucking movie I think I've ever seen. And starring Shia LaBeouf as Pete, whatever. Who's going to play you? That's great. No, not Shia LaBeouf. That's a compliment.

No, let me see who would play you. No, Shia LaBeouf. I like that. Fat Jonah Hill. All right, I'll take that. We got to plump him up again. Yeah, we got to plump him up. He got skinny.

Pete, good story. I love you to death. Shout out to Pete, thank you for being here because we miss Pete when he's gone. Yeah. Fancy B, what did you do for your 21st? Doesn't matter. You can drink at 18 in Spain. Right.

Doesn't mean. What do you do at 18? Did you have an 18th birthday? Everybody forgot about my 18th birthday, so I was already a deployment. Oh, it is? It's a ploy. He's baiting me.

It's baiting you. You're a liar. You're a liar. What's your problem? Who the fuck is going to forget your 18th birthday? Well, you, for example, will forget any birthdays. Oh, that's an attack. I love it.

Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. You know why? I treat everyone every day like it's their birthday. That's true. All right. I don't take days and go, you know, this is the day

I'm going to give gifts to this person and then never talk to him for the rest of the year. Not me. I fucking say hi at hug. I give gifts and I give you the attention as if every day is Christmas, birthday, Hanukkah, Kansura, what's Kansura? What's the black one with the Christmas?

Kwanza? Kwanza? What did I say? Kwanza. What did I say? Kwanza? Kwanza. Yeah.

It's like a Diet Coke spin-off. Kwanza. Dream Kansura. Yeah. Anyway, you are a good boy. Thank you. And stop attacking him. Stop attacking me.

Go ahead. From Andreas, Jules, don't follow Tito Bobby's footsteps and you'll be fine. Happy birthday. Oh, really? That's interesting to me. Oh, really? The footsteps of success?

You guys have the same size shoes. Of glory? Yeah. You don't want the glory. You don't want to go to the glory road. I didn't say that. Glory road. I just said that.

Glory road, gold-fucking pathway. Like in the fucking Wizard of Oz. What is that? Follow Yellow Brick Road. Yeah. Golden Brick Road with you. Yeah. And follow the yellow man on the yellow brick road.

Yellow man on the yellow brick road. Just follow anything yellow. This wall is long. Well, it's the wall of China. So it's very long. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What else is in there? And then Tito Andrew.

What did I say? Dirty. That's right. Booxie? Booty. Dirty booty Rudy. Dirty booty Rudy. Which I thought today is a great nickname,

and I'm going to keep saying it now. Dirty booty Rudy. Yeah. There she goes. Dirty booty Rudy. Love you, Jules. Happy 21st. Very nice and very simple.

Didn't have to take shots at you. I just said happy birthday. These guys both took shots. I understand that. You see what I mean? These guys took shots at you. Did I? You're one of my best friends.

Love you. That's why there's trust involved. Love you. And there's a connection that you can't fucking ever suffer. And these guys? Pieces of shit. Pieces of shit. Yeah, these guys are right here, dude, this is like if they were in our,

if we were in a war, right? You and I, front lines. All right. Andreas, you hit the wall, right? And we turn around. He's, you can see his back. He's running. Yeah.

He's running. Yeah. In Forrest Gump, right? If I was, who's that guy? Bubba. Bubba. If I was Bubba, Bubba, if, and they were with him, Bubba would be left out there.

Dead. With no legs. That's right. I'm dead. OK, that's what you are, dude. Sorry. Go ahead. All right.

What, how old is 14? What was, how many years of school are you in? You know what Forrest did? Forrest took his idea. I'm an A. Let the Forrest Gump thing go. I'm so passionate. I'm so passionate.

I know. Let me just get this, all right. One second, guys. Let me get this Forrest Gump thing go. All right, because I'm, it got me like really emotional about it. Oh, we're still at war? No, we're not at war now. OK.

It's just a fucking idea that I got the thought that I had. Go, go. I'm just saying that, like, you know, Forrest Gump, right, he took Bubba Gump's idea about the shrimp and shit. Yeah. Made money off it and then sent fucking his, the money to his mom. Mom.

He, they would have stole the idea. Yep. Right? Yep. Never gave, given credit to fucking the guy. Nope. Right? And made all the money.

That's right. And never gave it to the mom or whatever. Anyway, I get that. Sorry, I got that on purpose. No, I like it. You guys got anything to say? I apologize. Do you have anything to say for yourself?

Yeah, yeah. That's true. I mean, there's other movies I could do. There's other movies I could do, but I'm not going to do it. Did you see the Indian version of Forrest Gump? What? What? What?

There is. There's an Indian version of Forrest Gump. When you say Indian, you mean Indian India. Or native Indians. Not native. Not native. Yeah. India.

Indian Forrest Gump? Yeah. Forrest Gump, man. If it's called Forrest Gump, man. Run, Forrest, run. Run, Forrest, run. It's called Lai Sing Chhada. Lai Sing Chhada.

That's not Forrest Gump, man. It is. It's an about click on it. Click on the Wikipedia right there. Lai Sing Chhada, 2000. It just came out, huh? OK, if Forrest Gump isn't in the description, it's not. Go ahead, read it.

Zoom, zoom. Zoom, zoom. OK, zoom in. It's an Indian Lai Sing Chhada is an Indian Hindi language comedy drama directed by Affidavit Chandan. Affidavit Chandan and a screenplay, Eric Roth and Atul Kamani produced by Amir Khan, blah, blah, blah. It is a remake of the 1994 American film Forrest Gump,

which itself is an adaptation of the novel of the same by the name from Winston Groom, the film stars Amir Khan and the telecharacter alongside Kareena Kapoor. We got to watch it then. We got to watch it. But is there like, is it the same exact story? Yeah, it's the same. Well, let me get this straight.

Look at the poster. Let him get it straight. Go ahead, what? Can I get this straight? So in Forrest Gump, right, there's flashback scenes or whatever of Forrest with, you know what I mean, JFK. Yeah. So there's going to be an Indian guy next to JFK.

I guess. You know what I mean? I don't get it. Well, let's watch the trailer. We can always do that. And there's an Indian guy in the Vietnam War. Not the Vietnam War. It's their war.

Oh, it's OK. Yeah. It's their Vietnam. It's their Vietnam, which is what? I don't know. I'm so not educated. Oh, same feather. It's funny.

It's funny. It's funny. Yeah. Oh, my God. Push pause. Push pause. Oh, my God, I love it. It's so weird.

Let's see. Come on. In fact, India should make remake all the movies. I think they do. I think they actually do. Yeah. So is there like an Indian version of like. E.T. Star Wars everything everything everything. Oh, I love it. I love it Bollywood makes everything

And they make like ten times the films that we make in a year. That's amazing. Let's see Are you dumb Now did she have to have sex to keep him in school just like the original yeah Does Jenny have him she must have a Jenny doesn't have him it's not real There's Jenny with AIDS it's Rupa is Jenny say no Rupa stop stop for a second. Wow, they can change it to Cricket It doesn't have to be ping-pong right you can change it to cricket what you know, you know You could have been correct. Yeah, this is what it's on. I gotta be honest. It looks beautiful Honestly like I want to see it. I'm crying. Yeah, I am too

Well, I guess we have to watch this we have to watch this movie we understand the assignment tonight We're watching did you see it? Is on network wait, did you see the original? Yeah, you let me watch it. I let you like I'm like you're fucking you I mean What do you mean parole officer? What do you mean? I let you remember you said we have to watch Forrest Gump tonight Yeah, oh, that's right because you had never seen it. Yeah, and I force you to watch it That's where did you see it on Netflix? This one. Yeah, that's like we got to watch it then. Yeah, we do have to watch it It's gonna just say something though. Yeah, there's no way

It's there's just certain things in the movie that wouldn't make any sense like what like what well For instance, like he learned like as a kid Elvis. Is there a Bollywood singer that he learns that that do this My money there is the kid teach Elvis how to do the little There's a Bollywood actor there that he Oh, really and then that Bollywood stole it from him that move and then became yeah, yeah Wow, okay, they got that we have to see it. Yeah. What's another thing that you think that like well He didn't play football. He went to the University of Alabama, but they do rugby out there. No well Yeah, but it didn't look like any what does he do that in the film at all? He just races. Oh, he just races

Yeah, luckily, there's no black guys in this movie. They would have been all right right by this guy Yeah, right by this thing. Is there a disease that she has that's not him. Is it something else? I didn't finish it. I don't know malaria. Yeah, I don't know. I don't what do they have out there? They actually don't even say it they allude to the fact that she got sick which was up for speculation and apparently that's a social Social guess they never once say that she has HIV She was a heroin addict. She was an intermediate drug user We watched her use intravenous drugs and then she said she got sick So our assumption was it was HIV, but it might not have it. Oh, that's true. Okay, isn't that isn't that the whole isn't that like the whole thing?

Yeah, I think it was a social perception that we thought that's what it was because there are scenes with her Intravenously using drugs so we assume out. Well, she probably got AIDS. That's the time period lined up, right? Huh, but but she could have just had fucking cancer. I Don't think it was AIDS. You want to go. I want to yeah, you want it. Yeah, that's two AIDS movies for Tom Hanks, man Yeah, I was after Philadelphia. Yeah back to back. Yeah, yeah, but also, huh? If it was HIV He would have had he would have got it because they slept together when he had a kid with her That's true. Mm-hmm. That is true. So it's not HIV. I maybe he's maybe he's um, oh

Boy, what go ahead? Well, maybe some people are immune or maybe what's the matter? No, my foes my throat is really full You're what my throat your throat is what really full full of what? Yeah, oh you need to spit somewhere. Yeah, we'll get up and do it Yeah, you're allowed to leave you don't have to God she says she still thinks she's in school. I know no, this is crazy by the way 14 14 Well, what year is that? How that's why I asked before what grade is that she's in eighth grade is this show?

Okay for an eighth grader. I don't think so She's super sophisticated. I know she feels like a older than you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, she's sophisticated And my mom talks a lot of nasty shit her mom's nasty nasty shit like pure nasty. Why couldn't she come to this? Um, she won't talk. Well, because I would rather scared. Oh, she is yeah, she's not a 14 year old She's she did Tiger Bell and she was awesome. It's unbelievable Well, we'll chat her up when she gets back when she when her throat is not anyway for us come check it at the Indian one We'll watch it. We're gonna watch it. Yeah. Yeah, by the way, don't tell her not to use the phrase my throat is full It's just it's just weird. I might girls say that to me my throat is boy. No, they have well

I'm saying the way she said it sounded weird. You could just say I need to spit All right, it's like being like my butt is full. It's like just say you have to poop That's true. Yeah, I don't need to know that your throat is maybe that's how they say it out there though. My throat is full Yeah, my throat is full. Yeah. Yeah, okay spit. Yeah. Yeah, my butt is full. Yeah Yeah, the pool like a like a pool like a woman that just has a baby is like my tits are full and they have to have I need to milk my tits are full. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I saw a movie last night, by the way Tell me one of the best the second best movie. I've seen this year. I've seen two phenomenal movies What are the movies everything everywhere on once that was a great movie?

It probably should win everything in my opinion. You fuck you fancy roll your fucking eyes You'll never make a movie that good. That's a fact. That's a fact You'll never make a movie that good. All right Can I tell you okay? So this movie this everything everywhere all at once and the movie I watched last night is What's it called the best movie I've seen in In fucking years the triangle of sadness. Oh, I know I already know that because gene. Okay, so it is so good Really, okay last night. It is not really good. Okay phenomenal last night. Check it out. So don't even show me Last night. I was having dinner with David King and Jean Hong writers. Yeah, right? Yeah

And they go did you see that movie yet? And you got to go watch it now and I go it's gonna be out I'll watch it streaming. Nope. Yeah, I know go everyone's tell me to watch this fucking movie This movie is that turn about rich people, right? Well, okay, so first of all if you ever see the movie force major he did this. Do you guys see force major? No You've never seen force major. Oh my god. I don't like the way you talk down to me. No, I'm busy man. No, you're not No, you're not an American. They did an American one with Will Ferrell and and and Yeah, what's wrong in the end? I don't want to see that. I don't want to see that one. I want to see the original one and let me tell you something that okay

For us major. I want to see this this was Force major the original the one by the Swedish guy is so fucking funny But the comedy is why I like this other movie that you'll love because it is small Very dark. It's super dark. His comedy is not like Will Ferrell is like Oh, it's a terrible that is not at all what his kind of comedy is. Yeah So when they remade it the movie bombed because nobody wanted to see that kind of dark twisted comedy from a You know, he's like a Pratt guy Americans ruin everything every good international comedy. We fuck up

That's for sure. I when I was on this show splitting up together. It was based on a Dana show Yeah, right the Dana show was so funny masturbation jokes people cheating on you know, it was like because the comedy is like specific and real Same thing with clown. Do you guys receive cloven that movie clown where the guy? Oh, I love that so good So good, but we tried to do it here. They did. Yeah bombed bombed miserably. Yeah, that movie was so good So this movie force major. I highly recommend everyone go watch it. It's online. It's about a couple Husband a wife who experienced a fucking avalanche while on a ski trip with their family and everything goes to shit Meanwhile his new movie. I cannot recommend enough triangle of sadness is about a fucking

group of people on a God, how do I do this without giving anything away? It's group of people on an on an international yacht. Yeah, yeah But there's I know I get it subset to this. I get it. There's so much beautiful commentary about Money society class class rules are our social norms what we what's acceptable. What's not beauty and also Rest in peace. Charles B. Dean that girl on the left. That's on the poster It's her and this guy Harris Dickinson, which let me say one more thing is the hottest redhead I've ever seen in my life. It's the role that I wanted it. He's who I want to be I'll never be You have to

Click on this guy though. Look at how hot this guy is this is the first redhead I've seen lead a film and fuck is he hot look at him with a shirt off. This is in the movie. Look at how hot this guy is This is okay. He's so hot girls. He's a good-looking guy. He's hot and he's a redhead. I was so proud I was proud the whole film But anyway, go back to the poster. He did get 69% around tomatoes. Is that good or bad? Don't care Okay, fuck that whole site. Okay, Charles B. Dean right there on the left the girl in the chair Who's plays opposite of of Harris passed away this year and is so good in this fucking movie. Honestly, oh I know there's a comedy podcast, but I got to tell you rest in peace to this girl

She would have had a fucking unbelievable career moving forward the movie was it showcased how good she was she was So funny so cool so funny so sexy so like quick her her acting was impeccable I think they both killed it. You saw it. Yeah, it's so good. It's so fucking good and Woody Harrelson Although he's in it for a short stint, you know crushes. He does exactly what he does. Yeah, listen I'm so sorry to act you maybe you will direct a movie that you know me is gonna be as good as you know, okay No, we won't I know I know you won't know we won't come on. Just let's be more positive. Yeah, you could Bobby. He won't he won't Definitely won't yeah. Yeah, I'll tell you why you won't because you can't give it up to that movie. Yeah, that's right Your mind is closed. That's right, right? That's open it open it up see the world

I think I and racist why because there's Asians at check yourself Can I tell you something? I know that one day he will direct a fucking an amazing film, right? And guess what what he'll never talk to us again. Oh Oh, I don't I mean, I mean don't even get me started. He'll never talk to us again He won't he'll go off and then he won't answer our phone calls. He won't even do this. This is exactly know it This will happen. We'll walk down the street. Hey Andreas. He won't even look at us. Oh, right? It'll have his body guard step in front of us. Excuse me. Please. Excuse me, please No, no, he doesn't know he want to talk to you please please and then

Guess what happens? What happens? We assassinate you. No, we go after Donner. Oh shit. Oh, right? Yes, exactly. Your daughter's being born. Yeah, watch it. We're gonna kidnap her kid. We're not gonna hurt her No, no, but it's well. We're trying to create another movie theme for him. Oh, right, right, right? I have a very specific set of skills. Yeah, you're gonna become What's in my car? Yeah, what is the movie? Why can't I take it? What is the Spanish version? What's the word take it? How do you say take in Spanish? sequestrada We still gotta say

These folks post box of awesomes are my favorite. It's the best gift for for Christmas Yeah, that's a good it's a good thing to do if you want to do it for yourself You can also do it for someone else to get started All you have to do is go to boxofawesome.com and your answer are gonna help them pick the right box of awesome for you Yeah, well, it's again. It's like a questionnaire Yeah, and the box at boxofawesome.com and your answers will help them pick the right box of awesome for you It's pretty incredible. What happens is this box of awesome if you're curious to know what it is It's a specialty curated box sent right to your front door. They have a bunch of different stuff inside

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Why did you say it that way? Is that a that's how you say it overseas my throat is full Yeah Well, you don't say he's gonna move the mic towards you like like sister like sister She still has it far enough to talk into the mic. Okay. Yeah, okay little closer. Maybe. Uh-huh. She's so nice So nice. Yeah. Yeah, so do you do people? Do you and your friends back home say my throat is full when you need to spit is that what everybody says? That's what I say. I don't think it's weird. Have you ever said that? No, what are you supposed to say? Can I spit? I need to spit. I

Think that's way too straightforward. Maybe that is maybe she's maybe it's gross I think we should start changing the way we say stuff. Yeah, it's a little okay My throat is full but that doesn't that still doesn't give us what you want to do No, I think it's pretty clear. No, if I Know if I it's a statement, right my throat is full my throat is full and I could just basically go Good Right, I mean, I don't know what that means My stomach is full and you go, okay. That's good. Yeah. What'd you eat everything?

Yeah, yeah, so your throat is for my throat is full. Oh, what's in your mouth? What's the full of spit cool? I mean, that's it doesn't give me a direction. Yeah, it's more like I need to spit. I need to spit right like your butt is full I need a shit. Yeah Say I need a you could always say like hey, I have a big what do you call him? You always call him not Lugi But what's the other one? Chogi Chogi see that? Yeah, Chogi's great. No, what do they call in the Philippines? This is the thick kind of spit spit with snot in it. What's that called? It's called

Yeah Creamer C-L-E-M-A. That's a cool name. What are you looking at? You're not you're looking at your knives, bud Yeah, you want to tell everyone and do show and tell with your knives This is my fruit and vegetable set I'm excited about it. Say thank you to fancy and Pete. Thank you, Andreas and Pete Also, I've never seen you cut anything in the house like vegetables or fruit I don't pretend you're gonna fucking be using that shit. Okay. Here's another thing. Okay, right? You fucked up our dog

Our dog Julio is no. Yeah. Yeah, you and let's get that. Let's get this out in the open. Okay Okay, let's get the sound to open. I'm very concerned about you. Okay, you're fuck our dog Julio What wants to eat your mom and your sister, right and it's chaos? I woke up today with Barking and howling. I've had enough of it. All right, so why did you molest the dog as a baby? Because there's something fucked up about it. I didn't know. Yeah. Yeah. What did you do with it then? Why is it like that? I don't know because his brain is underdeveloped Oh

Yeah, I see it's underdeveloped. How do you know that? Because that's what I think Alilah said because he took Julio to a trainer and then the trainer said that Oh, yeah, the trainer did say it was underdeveloped. It seems like a constant theme in that house underdeveloped brains. I feel like that's in that whole house. I feel like that's the whole house is filled underdeveloped brains. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah I think we are underdeveloped. Oh my god. Yeah. Yeah. So wait you I didn't molest him. You promise? I promise. Say I promise I did. Did you hit him? No. Did you push him down and he fell down the stairs when he was young? No. Are you sure? No. And also I took care of Julio when he was a baby for like two months And then I went back to the Philippines and then when I came back he was already

Crazy. No. Oh, I love it. I love what you're saying. Putting it on you. I love it. I love what you're saying I love what you're trying to do, right? I'm gonna say this. No Right now. Right in your face. Okay. Let me say something right now. Okay. You fucked up that fucking puppy, right? And yeah, you did. And let me say this too. I'm gonna call you. And me and Issa took care of you. Yeah, not just me. No, think about it now. You two girls, right? You know what you guys remind me of right now, right? Filipino versions of the fucking two girls in the shining. Oh, yeah. All right. And that's what you are right now. Yeah, you kind of look like them too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Have you seen the shining? No. Look at them right there. That's them. That's you too. This is you too right now. That's what you should have been to Halloween. This is what you two are right now, right?

And I don't fuck you. You're scaring the shit out of me. Instead of like that hotel, where would it be though? Wow, man. Okay. I just gave you a song. It didn't swing. What? You swiggin' that? The audience knows. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is you guys. That's you guys right there. Because you guys sound similar. You talk in the same, you have the same intonation when you talk. Yeah. And that's just like these little creepy girls. Like, I bet you, if I can say at the same time to say a number one through ten, you'll say the same number. No?

Okay, on the count of three, say the number one through, whichever number you're thinking one through ten. One, two, three. Four. Okay, never mind. That did not work. That did not work. That was crazy what you just did. We can do it again. Ready? Yeah. Wait, we should look at each other. No. No, it's got to be just telepathic. You just have to know. Yeah, yeah. You have to know that you're both thinking of the same number at the exact same time. You're both sisters. You're blood. There's a connection. Bobby and I have the same connection. Yeah. We're about one second glance. Andrew, we do? We have the same connection. Yeah. Ready? Yeah. One, two, three. No. Whoa! Let's do you and I. One, two, three. Three.

Wait, you did something. No, we didn't. Do it again. No, we can't do it again. It's a one. One, two, three. Five. No! Oh, my God. Now you guys do it. One, two, three. Nice. All right, we can do it. Ready? We can do it. One, two, three. Two. Oh, shit. That's why this show is good. That's why we're connected. And we stayed at the Vegas. Dude, that was good. I can't fucking believe it. We connected. That was really good. You want to try again? Yeah, ready? One, two, three. Six. No! In your face. We're so good. We're good. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

We are very good. Oh, shit. Are you blown away on our talent? Yeah, yeah. Is it now that she can legally drink? Which one? What? Not the 14-year-old. Can I give her a shot of whiskey? Can you have one shot of whiskey? Yeah. Do you want one? Yeah. I'm going to get her one. She drove here, though. I drove here. Let her drive. She didn't have a license. Dude, it's L.A. You can't do whiskey. Fuck. Yeah, if you're not driving. Yeah, you can't do that. Why can't she drive? Oh, yeah. She gets a DUI, runs over a baby. Can you imagine? She crashes into a restaurant, kills 35 people. One shot. One shot. No, you know what? We'll have one soon. I promise. Lisa, have you been drunk before? You know that's... Yes. Can I talk on the mic? Yeah, I have. Three or four times? Did you get drunk at 14? I didn't bat that at 11.

What are you talking about? Yeah, not that I'm thinking about it. Have you done any other drugs? No. Not even smoking smoke weed? No. Can I bring up something? Have you smoked a cigarette? No. Wow. Can I bring up something personal? Okay. And we cut it off if you don't like it, right? Okay. What are you looking at? What? No, what? I just looked behind you because the picture fell. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So can I bring up something personal? Yeah. Will you do the number thing again? Try it. One, two, three. Seven. Oh my God. Shit. Anyway, so let me ask you. Wow. What? Do it again. Do it again. No. No, we can't do it. No, we can't do it again. No, you don't tell us what to do. We do it when we do it. Let Bobby ask the question. Let me ask you a question, right? God. Can I ask this thing personal to you, right? Yeah. Can I ask this thing personal? Yeah. Here's the personal thing. Okay. You went through a dark time, right? You had bleached your hair.

You got depressed. Yeah. Are you through that phase? Yeah, mostly. Okay. You're happy now. You're happy now. What was making you depressed? It's mostly like self-image. Oh no. Fuck, that makes me sad. Wait, why? But you lost a bunch of weight. Yeah. You cleaned up your act. You're getting great grades, I heard. And I just feel like you've changed. Because we were worried about you during the pandemic. You're going the anime style. Right? You love the anime, right? More than her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She learned Japanese. She knows Japanese. Say, speak something Japanese. Anyhow. Which one's that? I don't know. That's a hello. I don't know. What do you want me to say? Anything. Did I say anything? I always want to say. It sounds like you could say something. You gotta throw in one. Yeah. Say, I'm so happy to be here. That's wild. Incredible. A 14-year-old knows Japanese. She's not even American. Look at how good English she is.

I know. That's insane. Well, that's also because of these people are always around, right? What's these people? You. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, she's been living with us for three. They haven't seen each other. I know. But you taught her English. How did you learn English? Through school. They have school by you guys? I'm kidding. Yeah, Bobby, what are you talking about? Of course she knows fucking English. Everybody has fucking English in school now. One, two, three, eight. Oh my God. You did the hand thing. What hand thing? You did that. Where? No, I didn't. Where? No, it again. No, because he went from five and then you went six and then seven and eight. No, we didn't. We didn't go in order. Yes, you did. Okay, do it again. No, we didn't. Again. No, we're not doing anything. You don't own this show. We're not doing anything. This is our show. Okay. You don't bully us. I want to go back. Let's talk. Let's talk. So you were depressed before. No longer depressed. Sometimes. The body image thing. I'm being genuine when I asked this. Is it because of people in school or fucking mean kids? Was that why?

Um, no. Not really. It was just all you? Yeah, it's just my thoughts. It's just me fighting myself. I don't like that. I don't like it either. I'm glad that you're feeling better. Yeah. But I'm glad you went through it early because you were like 11, 12, 13 when you went through it, right? Yeah. And now you're out of it, I feel like. Yeah. Honestly, when I saw you in the Philippines and we started talking and stuff, we had some great meals, did we not? Yeah. Amazing. We had some great fucking dinners, man. And, you know, and hanging out with you, I really was like, I felt comforted in the fact that you're bright, you're smart, you're getting good grades. I think you're cool. And I think the knowledge that you have in terms of art and anime, all that stuff is legit. And I don't know why your sister is not like you. But that's, I guess, genetics or different dads, different dads, different dads. Your dad's a lawyer, right? My dad was a drug addict. A lawyer and a liar. Your dad is still a lawyer? He's a prosecutor now. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Menila, prosecutions.

So, are you going to come to the States? She's here now. No, I mean to live, to live, to live. You're visiting right now. I want to. You do. We were trying to work out a thing when she went to school here for a year, right? And it didn't work out. Maybe next year. Do you want to do it next year? Sure. Would you want to do college here? Or no? Yeah. You do. You'd rather do college here, then? Honestly, I just want to try living here because I have this plan with my friend. Like, we're going to live, like, because she's going to college in Canada. Yeah, and if I'm going to college here in LA, we're planning to live in either LA or Canada. Where? In Vancouver? Is that where she goes? She's not sure yet. She wants to live somewhere where there's potato corner. Sorry? Potato corner. What the fuck is that? What's the potato corner? It's like a french fry place in the Philippines. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. We have to rewind. We have to rewind. Okay, stop, stop, stop.

Your friend's going to leave the Philippines to come to North America because they have to have a potato corner. Yeah. Okay, let me just say something. When I'm saying potato, we have fries too. Yeah, we have great fries. But potato fries are the best. What do you think our fries are made out of? Huh? Asparagus? Potato too. All right. There is the potato corner. Is that what you're talking about? Yeah. The world's best french fries. I don't know. I can't. Impossible. Impossible. Let me see. Where are they located? Yeah, where are they located? I've never heard a potato corner. No, because it's so weird because apparently they're adding a Filipino-like language to studying in Canada, but they only have like one potato corner in Canada from what I heard. Who the f- Where is the one? Where is that, Pete? What does that say? Is there one in LA, man? Is there one in LA? No, it's right there. There's one in Americana, potato corner. In the Americana, in Glendale? Yeah. How come this doesn't show that in California, Pete?

Looking for the one in Canada. Well, zoom in. It's a dot. I see the dot. Zoom, zoom, more. Yeah. Go in. That's in Winnipeg, I think. No, it just says no locations found. Oh. So find them. Let me see them. Go down to the one in California. Let me see if there's one out here for real. We have to go. We have to go. We have to go. I feel like I want to go now. Yeah, me too. Oh, there we go. There's a bunch. There's a bunch of potato corners. Oh, there is. There's like 10 of them in LA. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, now we can prove this theory here. We're going to go. We're going to go. So there's one in Pasadena. There's one. Okay, good. Yeah. Let me ask you about potato corner. Okay. What if you close your eyes, right? And I gave you a French fry from In-N-Out. I gave you a French fry from McDonald's. But you've never had In-N-Out? No. And I gave you a French fry from Potato Corner. You would be able to differentiate between the three? Yeah, because a potato corner has different flavors. And like... Show me the menu. It's better. Show me the menu. You mean dips? No.

Look, original. Like powder. Potato tots, Jojo chips, loopy fries or curly fries, and sweet potato, which we call also they're cut into waffle. Those are waffle fries. Right. Look at the third. Pick your flavor. It's a powder. Yeah. So it's barbecue, cheddar, sour cream, and onion chili. So it's just powdered fries. Yeah. So what's great about the fries is the powder. It's the powder. It's not the fries. Not the fry. That's right. What do you mean? Don't shake your head like that. We're trying to win this argument. All right. Is it the powder or the fry? Broom. Broom. Broom. Broom. Broom. Broom. Broom. Broom. Broom. When I got this, I have a new car. I know you just got a new car. I got a new Broom and it's the best. It's so convenient. No more going into a hot, you know what I mean, lot, walking around. Some guys in suits. Some greasy dude. Yeah, I hate it. What are you looking to buy? Yeah. You never have to haggle or negotiate the price of a car so you know you're getting a good deal on Broom, guys. It's way better. It's way better. Broom is the better way to buy your next ride. With Broom, you can shop thousands of cars right now from your phone and have your next ride delivered straight to you.

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Do more with Viator! So this is the arrival video of your sister and your mom. This is your coming to America. Now, you don't know that it was a surprise. No, I didn't know it. So the day before, me and Klai ago, we got you a present and you tried to guess what it is. Yeah, and then you said something big and brown. Yeah, it's big and brown. Is it a couch? She didn't know.

Show me a lie. Right, so then this is a surprise. You have no idea what's happening right now. Okay, go play it. Who's filming this? Good camera work. Oh, Rudy. Look at how happy the Rudy is. Oh, she's crying. Oh, Rudy. Rudy, she's crying. So sweet, Rudy.

How happy of you to see your mom. Really happy. And you didn't hug her though. Your arms are still by your side. That is very sweet. Honestly, that's very sweet. Thank you, Tito Bobby. It's not genuine. That was, thank you, Tito Bobby.

It's not genuine. Yeah, I'll try it again. It sucks. Thank you, Tito Bobby. That felt good. That felt better. One more time. One more time, but do it this time with, be like very honest. And also, now that throw in at the end, I love you.

Yeah. That would be nice. Yeah. Okay. Thank you, Tito Bobby. I love you. One, two, three. One!

Told you. It's amazing. You have to do it without your hands. We didn't have our fucking hands. What the fuck are you talking about? Put it back. What are you talking about? You're such a bully.

Just do it one more for my birthday. First of all, he brought your fucking sister and your mom here for your birthday. And you're asking us to give you more gifts. You spit on the cake so we couldn't even have COVID cake. Yeah, yeah. We'll do it one more time. Okay, hide your hands. Hide.

One, two, three. Four! I mean, I mean, we did, dude, we're like fucking, by Vegas, dude. We are Vegas. One more. No, no, no. I don't know how many times we have to do it. I don't know how many times we have to do it.

Just eat your cake. Eat your cake, man. Can I get a slice of cake or what? No, it's COVID cake. I don't care. I'm sick too. All right. But you guys go eat cake in the front room.

What's up, big dog? Introduce the guest Matt Bronger. We will. We will in a second. But I'm going to say Matt Bronger. Yes, sir. Okay, thank you. Matt, who are you?

Donald Trump? I'm going to introduce him. You don't say it. I'll say it. Matt Bronger. Let me just say something, okay? I was on a TV show called Matt TV. Yes.

I was on it for eight years. And the last two years, was it the last two years or last year? The year. The last year I was on the show. Yeah. I canceled the show. We canceled the show. Me and you?

Yeah, Matt Bronger was a cast member on my eighth season of Matt TV. It was a real joy to work with you. I loved working with you. A really talented guy. And we got to know each other real fast. I remember, this is how comfortable I got with you, where you sat across me and you took your pants off while I was eating lunch. And I was like, I don't need to see your dick in balls, man.

I'm eating a salad. And we boasted and laughed so hard. And I don't know why. But did the salad have any meat in it? What's that? Did the salad have meat? It didn't. No.

Someone's got to fill the void. That's why it's acceptable. You got to fill the void. Did I really do that? Yes. I remember, I wrote a sketch that did really well and we all went out for a drink, the whole cast, after this taping. And you were like, come outside with me.

And I was like, what? And you're like, you're fucked. And I was like, what do you mean? And I was like, they love you. You're going to be on this show for another six years like me. I hate my life, Bronger. And you walked back in the bar and I couldn't tell how serious or not you were. Alex Borstein said the same thing to me.

One sketch, she goes, you're fucked. And I go, why? You're going to be on this miserable show for like five or six years. And I just had to say that to him. And you were right. I was right. How many years did you do? I was on and it got canceled.

That was it. No, no, it was literally the opposite. I remember they canceled the show on my day off. Eric Price called me and my agent called me. They're like, yeah, they just, they called everybody into the big room. And I was like, fuck, that sucks. But I'm really glad I wasn't there. Big time.

Just looking around at all those carpenter, you know, people doing real work. Actual, actual, real work. Yeah. To make a show run, camera people. And they're just like, fuck, man. This is my gig. What was that? Fox?

It was Fox. Fox, yeah. And the other thing I think America doesn't understand is like when things get canceled, there is no outline on how it gets done. They literally are like, fuck off. They walk off. And that's it. They fuck you right off.

But to your face. I remember I talked to John Cho after he got that show Selfie, he was on, got canceled. And I was like, how are you doing? He's like, you know what, man? I wish just fucking once I could be on one fucking show where they walked up and said, it's a hit. It's a hit. It's like if I could in my lifetime.

I never gotten that. And that dude works. So much. Davey. Yeah. Dave's a hit. But it's funny because it's like, we don't, this is what's funny. No matter what level we're at, it's always a complaining thing because like Dave does

well, but they don't talk to us about it. So like, FX doesn't like say, hey, this is doing good. Like we're good. Yeah. You guys are getting on the season. Nobody tells you shit. The only way you get to hurt and you hear something is when they go, hey, you're canceled. Yes.

They don't go, dude, this is awesome. You know, they just let you keep sneaking along going, are we good? Is everything good? Because that gives you power. Yeah, that's exactly right. You know, that gives you negotiating power. Like their word, you're going to be like, I want more money. Yeah.

So it's just like, just keep it under wraps. But it is true. They don't tell you when it's going good. The only, the only way you know it's a hit is it socially you understand that people are like. Can you imagine how good it would feel to get hired and they're like, we're going to have you for three seasons and then you get shot in the face and you're like, I love it. Yeah.

You're going to get gunned down in the street. Yeah. Yeah. But they're like, we actually are going to kill you. We know we're seriously, we have, like, have you seen this, this, you've seen this, um, Oculus headset that some guy designed that kills you when you lose in the game? I saw the article and I refuse to read it, but tell me, there is, there, there is a game designer that's that try to design this thing where when you die in the game, you die in

real life. Oh, God. No, really? This is a fucking heavy R headset that tries to kill you. What was that? What James Bond movie was that? Yeah. I think that was view to a kill.

View to die. So go down. What does this say? Thanks to what? To zoom in. Thanks to Palmer. Lucky. There's a new way to die playing video games.

He founder of Oculus VR since left the organization, creator of Oculus Rift has come up with a brand new piece of VR headset. It can actually kill you if you die in the video game. That's insane. That's insane. It's fake. That's not real. No, it is actually real.

The idea is real, but it obviously there's no execution of it. No, someone tried it. Yeah. I think the one guy that tried it probably, then it stopped. Oh, I see. I think we had to kill it after that. The story is laughing about making it. This will kill somebody, an innocent kid.

This white piece of shit. You imagine like a family member. Why did you make it about whites? It's a hamburger. Come on, of course it's a white. Wanted to kill people. You guys, man, I control. First of all, yeah.

Listen, you kill a white guy, but an Asian guy designed it. That's exactly right. You know that. You came up with in theme music. You guys come up with all the intricacies. We just have to put it to market. Here's my question for you guys. A family member dies by this thing.

Do you lie and say they died of like auto erotic expreciation? Yeah. Like what's more embarrassing? Yeah, he was joking. A video game killed you or you choked yourself to death jacking it? It depends on and you know the level of auto erotic expreciation is different though because like I think belt against the door is kind of cruel. Let me ask you something about that.

It doesn't feel that good. It must. Yeah. Could Kung Fu died from it, right? Yeah, he did. In excess, he died from it. Yes. Yeah.

He died from it. So it must feel, if you're selling out in excess 30, 50,000 seat arenas, right, and you're still having to do that, that must feel much way better. Yeah, probably. Yeah. Yeah. But also, you know, I think it's because you want- We gotta try it.

David Carradine. You want to get close to the edge. That's all that is. Yeah, that's it. And then pull back. And then stop. Yeah. But then he went too far?

But that's why you always do it with a friend. Matt comes over. Yeah, exactly. We watch each other. It's just like when we do a ton of cocaine. It's like, my left arm's numb. Can you take me to the hospital? Yeah.

Please. You gotta do these things with a friend. You can't do- David Carradine was wearing a fishnet stock in a dark wig when his body was found in Bangkok. God damn it. Look at David Carradine. Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me?

Reveals incest. That's how you go out. Yeah. Murder scenes. A wig and fishnet. Wow. That's the song, One Night in Bangkok. That's what it's about.

That's gotta- It's about dying in fishnet. That's gotta be part of the high, though, too, where like, oh God, what if they found me? What if they found me? Oh, right. I better be wearing my good heels. Yeah.

My red bottoms. Yes. I don't wanna die in sneakers. Mm-hmm. You gotta have Jimmy shoes. Like, Jimmy shoes. Jimmy shoes on, yeah. Yeah.

Give me those Balenciagas on my feet, Daddy. Really? If I'm gonna die in drag, I better be wearing good fucking clothes when they find me. You don't wanna die in drag wearing like, cheap shit. Bag lady. No. We found this bag lady upstairs. No, you wanna die in fashion.

You wanna die in Chanel, too. Okay. So if I wore Forever 21, I would not come to your- They got some nice stuff. I know, but if I were wearing a full blown from head to toe, Forever 21. Would not come to your funeral. That'd be embarrassing. Yeah, it'd be ashamed.

Well, no, they wouldn't dress his body in that. What do they- No, they should dress you in what you were found in. Oh, why are you- If you should not get dressed up in like a suit when you die, you should be- whatever you died in, that's how you go. That's what you go. I like that as an ordinance.

Like, you just- people in an open casket just in their underwear. Yeah. One sock. Yeah. But wouldn't you be naked doing that? No, dude. So- Who wears clothes, do I?

You wear a- you wear a button front. I wear a button front. That's what you wear. Okay. I unbutton the front of my dress. Yeah. Like, for me, if I were going to do that, I'd be naked. I know, but what you're missing is part of the fantasy is that they're role-playing

this world of like sex and it's like, oh, they're doing something naughty and wrong. So he's wearing like clothes he doesn't usually wear. He's by himself in a full-blown fucking outfit. His fucking neck is tied to a door. Yeah. No one's around and he cares about what he looks like. It's for him. I didn't know that.

It's for him. What have he had his kung fu outfit on? Yeah, I know. It's for him. Some things are just for you. Yeah. So, Brongard, you did a special. What's it called?

It's called Doug. It's named after a terrible guy my wife and I met on vacation. Oh, really? Yeah. Doug. It's a theme then. Well, because it has a story at the end that has like a big reveal where I have an audience member on stage and I take my pants off and-

That's your bit. That's my idea. That's my- I'm ripping you off. You're stealing. You're stealing. Yeah. I'm also asking the booker if I can only do 20 minutes.

Yeah, sold out house. They don't. Can I just do 15? No, Bobby. I respect that so much. I guess people know me. I love it. They sure do.

Yeah, people know me. Look at that. That's the art for Doug. Yeah. So, that's why it's all vacation themed. And so, it's like- I think you guys would agree men need good examples in our lives. Sure.

You know? We also need bad ones. And Doug was a terrible example. Doug followed a dude down the beach insisting the guy played for the NFL. It was just a large black man. We were in the Caribbean. Oh, wow. He got- every time I saw him, he was drunk and wet every time.

Yeah. No matter what time of day it was. This is your bit. You're Doug. You're Doug. Yeah, it's Bobby before he got clean. Does this man know? Does this man know?

You know, I don't know. Yeah, he does. I don't know. He knows. He's gonna. Like, it's- the whole specialism about him, it's about the, you know, driving my kid across the country during the pandemic. How many kids do you have now?

I didn't know that. One. Just one. Okay. Just one. Okay. A long time now. His kid is two years old.

Right now it's two. He just had a baby. Yeah, she's two. She's two. Congratulations. Thank you, brother. Appreciate it. And yeah, so that's- it's available on-

Where is it? I did Moment, other thing called Moment House. Moment House. And then I did a VOD and then a video on demand and then it's gonna go to YouTube. Just basically the first two installments were kind of just to pay for production. And now I'm good. Now it's all paid for. Oh, wow.

Okay. Yeah. So why- why that road? Because I know that Ari did that road. Yeah. I know that Schultz kind of did that. Yeah. But I did find-

Yeah. And I mean, but he's like the Magellan of everything modern comedy in terms of promotion. Yeah. Yeah. But it was like because of him, I was like, oh, why don't I try this? That's crazy. But yeah. Well, I'm glad.

I think that is a good like road that you can take. Well, it's a- we're in the age of wild frontiers. Like, you know, you guys do this podcast. It's insanely popular, you know, and I know you both individually and I never would have called it. Yeah. No. No.

No, I really agree. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. It's literally just doing shit till you find something that works. You guys together, you work great. You're both hilarious comedians.

Yeah. I'm not bullshitting here. Yeah. Not calling you dipshit assholes. Thank you. But it's like, it's just finding the thing that works. Will Doug work for me? I- I like it.

I think it's fun. Does Doug know that you're- is it- did you change his name or- No, his name was Doug. Do you know him? Never. We- we spent this weekend at the same resort and they didn't have a lot of guests. So he would- him and his wife, we'd see almost every day. So when you get, uh, I shouldn't say unexpectedly, but when you get murdered-

Sure. We know who did it. I mean, he works in finance. He probably has some dough. Does he live here? Uh, I don't know. I have no idea where he lives. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Yeah, you better hope not. Yeah. You're definitely leaving breadcrumbs. 100%. I didn't say his last name or what he looks like or anything. No, but you know what's so funny is there's two ways for this to be played out on his- in his world. Uh-huh.

He tells nobody. Yeah. Because he doesn't want anybody to know this for the rest of time. Of course. Or two, he tells everybody he meets that I am Doug. Yes. And like, then it's a prideful thing. He's like, that's me.

That's me. It's all funny. Wow. I left out so much shit. Like, there was- there was a beach bar that was in a hollowed out boat that was just dug into the sand. Uh-huh. And there was a large black man named Elvis who bartended there every night.

Wow, wow, wow. And it was great. You just sit on the edge of the boat and you'd have your beer or whatever. And Doug would go and Doug would just be- I won't even say- Like, pass out. He'd go sleep. He'd go sleep on the bar. And like, people would take pictures in front of him.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the next day, him and his wife be laughing like, ah, that's me. And I'm like, you have a prop? Like, Doug. Oh, wow. Yeah. The thing is, it's like no self-awareness. I think you get- like, it's important to not have self-awareness as comedians where

we need to get out of our heads and just be like, I'm going to do my silly bullshit. And you're going to- you know, like, I love how Bobby just comes out and just says something on his mind. Like, something was backstage that was fucking with him. And it's just- it kills. It's the funniest shit. You know, I try to get more into that style and shit. But like, you know, when it comes to you, you only have one life, you know?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You have to be aware of what you're ingesting and how you know. Well, Doug is doing it for what it's worth. Doug is living that one life he has. He's doing the best he possibly can. Also, I do think Doug should be a supplement, if not a replacement for like, when you're too fucked up. Like, it's like, dude, you're so Doug right now.

Matt, you're a good actor too. Are you doing other things or not? Yeah, I mean, well, the thing is that I'm always- I'm always going in for stuff. Right. I mean, it's like, I kind of laugh about how I'm that person that has gotten so close, like a lot. Yeah. And it's like, I'm happy and stuff and I have my little moments where I just go, goddammit,

what is this kind of thing? Yeah. But thankfully, I have stand-up. Yeah. And I have my wife and my kid. Yeah. I don't know how people- like, if I was just an actor and they brought me in twice and tested over the course of a year and all but offered, got me the lead in a showtime series

and then David Schwimmer expressed interest and it was gone. Yeah, yeah. If all I had was acting, I would- I don't know what I would do. Is that what really happened? Oh, yeah. I would emulate. What was that on? It didn't go anywhere.

It was a- Whoa. It was an all- That happens all the time. Me and Heather Campbell improvised an entire sitcom. Wow. Well, listen up, ladies and gentlemen of YouTube, World and Podcast Land. Go watch Doug right now, Matt Brogger's Doug.

He's like so funny, he's a guy that I've known- You sound sad when you're saying it. Like say it happier. No. I mean, thank you. Yeah, do it your way. You're right. You're right.

It just sounds- you're like, listen guys, it just sounds like you're at gunpoint. Give me another action. And action. Hold on. That was- That was- That was so forced. Yeah.

All sound. And also, you've got a good amount of cake in your teeth. Like a good cake tooth on your left side, which I'm cool with. And action. Seriously guys, honestly though, it's wonderful to be here. What's it called? I got to get into the rhythm. Yeah, I feel it.

Yeah, that's what it is. So don't even like- I love it. I love everything. I love this guy. Honestly guys, I love this guy. He's a guy that I've known for a very long time. He's a part of our group, right?

He's a killer on stage. I've worked with him on a TV show. He's amazing. Great actor. Great stand-up. The reason why he's on this podcast for money is because we really want to help this guy because he's one of the best. Oh man.

And we love him so much. Why do you keep looking at me? Look at the camera. Honestly, we never have people on this podcast ever. Yeah, we don't. You're like the- I appreciate it. You've done 300 episodes with your fourth guy.

I appreciate it because it's also people listen to the podcast for you guys and I know when you said my name and it was a name they might not have known, they were just like, oh what the fuck. No, that's not what's happening. So I give your listeners credit. We like to educate people. Sure. Okay, so what I'm saying is-

Because they're not that educated. They're not educated. So you're fucking great. Thank you. Please watch it on YouTube. Thanks. You're gonna fucking love it. You're so talented.

Yeah, go watch Doug right now on the YouTube. Now you do a thing now. Oh, okay. Ready? Five, four, action. Hey guys, please watch Matt Bronger's Doug on YouTube right now. That was a condensed- That was great.

That was a lot better than- Both were excellent. I feel like yours was clamoring at fucking all this bullshit. Mine was more authentic. I gave it to him straight. Yours was a perfect candy. Yours was a fantastic wedding cake. Let me be honest.

That's great. All right. Muy bueno. Bronger. Matt Bronger. Thank you so much. Thank you Matt. I love you, Matt.

I love you both. You're the fucking best. I also want to pay my respects to somebody that is so important to stand up comedy. Bud Friedman. He passed away. I know his daughter Zoe, you know Zoe Friedman. She worked for Comedy Central and Bud was always a nice man. You know, he's at the level of Mitzi and he's like one of the fucking-

Godfather. Godfather's of comedy. Yeah. And he was a nice man and a legend and without his club, I don't think we'd be where we're at. Nope. The improv is such a- He started the improv.

He started the Hollywood improv. Hollywood improv. Home to some of the most famous comedians you've ever seen and heard of, started there, got their start there, cultivated there. It was a cultural place where famous people would go just to watch shows. Shout out to Bud Friedman. That's him there on the left with the monocle. He was the fucking man.

Rest in peace to a fucking absolute legend in comedy who found, cultivated and promoted some of the greatest talents in our comedy world. He was a super, super wonderfully smart, cool dude who definitely got it. I feel like there's a lot of deaths. Yeah. And I'm kind of thinking to myself, why is that? It's because I'm getting older. People die.

Yeah. No, because as I get older, people that I know are now getting much older, you know what I mean? Like, Harlan said something to me yesterday, he was like, I turned 60 Monday. It blew my mind. Yeah, 60 is wild. It's wild, you know? So it's like-

Well, cherish the ones- Cherish the ones. Love each other. Love each other, baby. Anyway, it was- Let's bring the girls back in. Let's bring the girls back in. Yeah, yeah.

Do you want to be on the show full time? Yeah. Yeah. I think so. I think so. Would you think of our psychic abilities? It's fake. How could it be fake?

Do it. Do it. Two more. All right. With your hands and your back. All right. Okay. You count.

You count. And you know what? We won't look at each other. Oh, yeah. Don't look at each other. Yeah. All right. Okay.

One, two, three, four. No, no, no. You're late. You're late. You're late. You're late. You're late. All right.

Okay. One more. One more. Wait, wait, wait. One, two, and then three. Okay. One, two, three, and then you do it. Yeah.

Okay. Go. One, two, three. Three. That's it. One more. One more. One more.

One, two, three. Nine. Thank you for being a bad friend. Thank you for being a bad friend. What? We have a connection. You don't fucking know. You guys go.

You guys. You guys. Woo. Woo. If it's industry, I'm not on the list. But when it comes to the people. You're on the list. I'm on the list.

Well, the people are all that matters. You got them on other people. And you know what, too? You guys don't respect me. You guys look down on me. You let guys like Matt Brunger slam me when they're right. I only do 20 minutes. You know what I mean?

Do this and that. You know what I mean? And go fuck yourselves, dude. One day I will get my fucking day in the light. If you wake up a little earlier, it will be in the light. Do what you have to do, man. Beat his ass. Do it on camera.

Do it on camera. Leave that in. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo.

Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo.