Bad Friends - Rudy's Getting Kicked Out

Episode Date: May 25, 2020

Bobby tests Rudy's loyalty. Andrew defends his Joe Biden video. Rudy thinks David Dobrik is funnier than both the boys. Thank you to our sponsors: http://shipstation.com code: badfriends & http://buffy.co code: badfriends Subscribe on YouTube: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com/ More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com/ More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Produced by George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Anchor if you haven't heard about anchor It's the easiest way to make a podcast. Let me explain. Oh, please. It's free. Awesome. That's cool These are there are creation tools that allow you to record and edit your podcast right from your phone or your computer You do it from your phone like on the go. Oh my god That's cool the bus or the subway you can do it. That's cool Anchor will distribute your podcast for you so it can be heard on Spotify Apple podcast and many many many many many many more You can make money from your podcast too. No minimum listenership. How about that? You can make money with no minimum listenership It's everything you need to make a podcast all in one place. Where do we have to go Bob?

Download the free anchor app or go to anchor.fm to get started Bad friends Vice president Biden quite frankly We're a little concerned with your mental faculties because you've said some really weird stuff to the media recently I do that to white media and black media because my wife has to go on at six o'clock. What does it have to do with race? Oh, oh, I'm in trouble. Yeah, you are. Are you gonna keep saying weird shit? I will Okay, do you need help like is something wrong? Do you think you got more questions? I tell it if you have a problem figuring out whether you're from me or Trump and you ain't black

I know I'm not black. What are you? What are you talking about dude losing his mind? It's funny. I posted this shit on my I saw but here's the problem didn't like it I'm getting so much shit for it right now for no reason like I knew political It's not about pop. I didn't do it for politics people are all like Oh, yeah, you're a Trump fan like what you can't make fun of Biden now. Like what is this? What's this one of them after he gets elected? Really make fun of him after he gets a little what a bitch thing to say you supposed to make fun of everybody you're a comedian No, but our intentions and how many fucking how many fucking videos online are of making fun of?

Trump it's like every comic has a Trump joke and meet myself included This is it But do you understand people's mentality and their point of view and how they feel about it right now a feel about what? About Trump and and the administration and whatnot. Do you understand how people feel about it? I don't understand me either. So what are you talking about? But do people do have feelings about it? I don't give a shit that let them have their reaction No, I have your feelings let them react. It's called cause-and-effect baby. The point is you can make every action There's an equal reaction, baby

That's what they say in the fucking books, baby be able to make fun of Both parties. I understand that that's when you're funny But you're still allowed to like comment on shit and have an opinion No, no, no, but when they say like I'm a Trump fan because of this That's what that's the problem with what's going on. Yeah, cuz they go okay So when people on SNL used to make fun of Bill Clinton and they mocked him. Yeah, okay So were they not Democrats then no the problem is in today's those SNL people still got negative criticism for it You're missing the point back point is is that you have ugly thick Italian red-headed eyebrows

That's the point. Yeah, and the thing is is that if you post that on Instagram people are gonna comment But that's their point of view it is ugly and it's thick But my point is is that everyone has their own opinion my friend It's like this, you know people see that I look old now. You're the dumbest friend. I have Yeah, I what did you just say you sound like this guy? What guy you sound like this guy you sound like this if you're black if you're not I will I will Do you need help like is something wrong? Do you think you got more questions?

I tell it if you have a problem figuring out whether you're from me or Trump and you ain't black If you have a problem figuring out if you're with me or Trump, then you ain't black It know he's saying right if you vote for Trump, then you're not black That's what he's saying. No, he doesn't if you know whoever's on you're not obviously not the one he's talking to right Yeah, this is a dub video exactly so I don't know who he's talking about and I was showing Rudy So maybe the other guy that he's talking to isn't black The guy that I this is Charlemagne's video. He was black Charlemagne's black. This is might not be though

You're right inside on the inside. You're right, right? No, you're wrong on the okay, Charlemagne's black On the inside in the inside and the outside upside down backwards inside out with you one you're that point side down Doing it right. It's not wrong You don't know that song boy you turn me in side Out doing it right round and round doing it every way Rudy is one way Rudy is gonna get kicked out of the house She's one week away from graduating Rudy is gonna get out. She's good when she graduates. She's out of the fucking Let's give it up for Rudy's gonna graduate. Whoo. Whoo. Whoo. Whoo. Whoo. Whoo. Yeah graduate. She's another year Graduate this year. She's gonna move on from this year. Yeah, she has not graduated. You're gonna graduate

I'll give it one clap. All right, so I'm good. I have a complaint. I have a mess of a cool complaint All right, let's hear them baby. My massive complaints is this okay. This is that um, you know Rudy isn't my blood relative Yeah, not not not blood blood or legally or any any I From the grace of my own heart Because I'm you know Very mother Teresa in that way I'm a bleeding heart empathy. You're you're very mother Teresa. You're like an old number one

You're like an old haggard bitch who never fucks. Yeah, you're just like mother Teresa That's what you talk You're ugly fucking eyebrows. Will you talk? Yeah Look at the lack of definition in your fucking arms. You have this to the most like that's like a little ham-hawk You're like if you don't if you mr. Potato had it a piece of ham with little with little fake. All right, so anyway, um, I Have a bleeding heart. I'm a good dude. Yeah, um, do the Bobby. Can you move to the left? That's what I'm talking That's part of it. That's a part of it. I told her I said to make that's a part of that's part of it But she's rude. That's a part of high-five tone. All right. You're the best. I

Let her into my house She doesn't pay for rent Right. She doesn't pay for food Right. She doesn't play pay for really anything really well But her her physical being is worth something, correct? Her presence is definitely worth something. Yeah, so lovable enjoyable sweet It's smart. No, she's basically the one of the people like yet Cleopatra, which is me Okay, so your mother Teresa and Cleopatra combo combo a combo deal, right? So you you're Cleo Teresa. Yeah, right and she's

building the pyramids. Oh Yeah, that's you know that imagine Cleopatra and there's 200,000 dudes or a million dudes. Yeah building like, you know, so that's why so many dudes I don't because they're very complex things to build pyramids I built three of them in my life and they take a lot those one bolder is is the heavy very heavy Okay. Yeah, it's as heavy as Eric Griffin shout out but Boom, I'm gonna get a text from that. He texted me already. He was y'all need to stop talking about your pockets

I know I know I go you kidding me. We're the best. We're giving you more press anything you've ever done Yeah, this is better than workaholics for him. Yeah, Montez man. Yeah, man Santino, yeah, I got so many people texting me about the shit you say on our show. So come back to me. Um, yeah My turn. Yeah, yeah, um Bobby's turn. So here's a list of things number one Um, we're having dinner the other night and she looks at me and she goes Uncle Tito, you have to take out the trash Was it your turn to take out the trash? There is no turn. There's no turns everyone has a turn sure. It's your no, no, it's not. No, it's a

Chor that was designated to me by Calila. Right. So it's your so she thinks that Calila's the boss of me and she is she is not my own independent human being who pays my own personal taxes and whatnot Okay, you know what? It's like Calila Calila's like the McDonald's corporation. Yeah, and you own a franchise, right? So, yeah, it's yours. You get to do what you want. No, no, no, it's the reverse answer to the franchise You cook the fries the way that they want them. Okay. Okay fine, but it's not even it's not that like the franchise It's like the fucking fry guy telling me let's say I own the fucking McDonald's right fry guy The fry guy telling the owner of the McDonald's restaurant, right? Go take out the trash because corporate Told you me to tell you that guess what you got to do it because corporate did say it fine

But let me say this all right. There aren't a lot of shifts open for her Oh, so she's gonna get let go There's not gonna be a lot of shifts. She's there's there's a cause and effect like we talked about earlier. I understand So So all right, so So her shifts are getting tinier. So that's the number one So she looks at direct meat right in the eyes and goes not in a soft, you know, not a sweet sweet way You have to take out the trash

Like right on my fucking eyeball Can you say it again? How you said it to just so she can have a fucking stance on how this went down Can you say how you said it? Yeah, go ahead. Let's hear it Tito Bobby, can you take out the trash tonight? That's so nice She's fucking 12 years old She's she's like an adult. She's I know whatever telling an adult

She is a guy that owns the house. Can you she said can you take out the trash? You could have said, you know, I can't right now. Can you And what would you have said? It's okay. It's okay It's okay, Tito Bobby. You bend your shit, huh? You little fucking squirrel. She bends it like Beckham baby like Beckham, huh? That's not my only one. There's another one. What is it? Number what number two is um So we're driving down the street Okay, all right, and we see a car parked in front of the middle of the street. Yeah I turn around

Mad because you can't just fucking park your car in the middle of the fucking street. No one can get through So I had to I had to do you turn it's on your your house, right? Yeah, and then I look at her face all the blood from her face Had had gone out She's scared. Yeah. What the fuck? What why? You know, sometimes people park their car in the middle of the street, right? Ain't no bad big deal. No, baby. No big deal, baby. She goes uncle Tito. You knew who that was? I go, no

Who was it? Um, David Dobrik's friend friend. So David Dobrik I know who he is. All right Not him His friend who was his friend. What's his name? Um, Jason Nash and Jeff Smith Jason Nash is the older guy. Yeah, I like him. He's yeah people But she acted as if it was Brock and Michelle Obama to her generation it is To those to that generation they're more important than Obama. What do you know about Barack Obama?

Do you know anything about him? Um, he was the president. He has um, two kids Yeah, what else? Um, what do you do? Did you know anything he stood for politically? Um, I don't know. He was um pro choice. Yeah Here we go. Now. Tell me about David Dobrik and Jason Nash. Look at her face light up. Look at the smile Look at all the teeth you've ever seen. Tell me anything about them that you love. Um, he's um a famous youtuber And then he pranks a lot of people. Why do you like him now? What does he do for you? Um, he's funny. He's he's funny. Yeah, and he's cute and and they seem nice and cool Yeah, uh, honestly rock obama to them. How about the honest time?

Okay Let me ask you a question and you be completely and utterly honest with me Is David what's his name? Dobrik Dobrik Funnier than Andrew and I. Oh, well, I can tell you the answer to that No Lie that's a lie completely. That's a lie. She's never looked at us that way. That's a lie. It's a complete lie I know that's a lie. She's a liar. She's a fucking liar. Why did you lie? Yeah, yeah, why don't you ask her one more time? Let's see if she really will give you one more chance

To you your own personal opinion. It's not a factual thing. It's just your opinion about it Yeah, do you think that David Dobrik's Dobrik Dobrik. Is it an N? K Dobrik. David Dobrik. You think that David, I'm sure he's a very talented complex and very Diverse entertainer. He's got he's got millions and millions. I know he's a 12 million followers. I only I got nothing He's huge. He's massive. I got shit. Yeah, right But do you in your heart heart of hearts think that he's funnier than us? Take a second. Don't answer right away because she only she'll only answer the The the the answer that we want to hear. She looked away when she said she does it. You're a fucking liar. All right

That's number one lie. They said when you look away when you lie. So look look look Tito Bobby in the face and say Who's funnier Bobby and me or them? You're funny or Tito Bobby and Tito Andrew. Oh, wow. I'm in the your uncle. I'm in a family. Yeah I'm in a family. Yeah. So wait, I'm really you really think we're funny, but you but they're but She I just don't believe it. It's a lie. Yeah, and she she went googley. All right, and I can hear a little And I listen no. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. I heard a little No No

Down there I go. What the fuck? No. Yeah. No, I'm like that's wrong She's like my sister. You can't I know I I'm I'm not saying anything bad. I'm just the truth I know I'm telling you what I heard Okay, so that's what I heard. I don't know what that was. Let's let's let that go. This is the second straight Maybe she had a runny nose. This is the second strike. What has she been doing else? That's really bothering you. You make it seem like she's Really there's so many things hot water. There are so many things. All right. Well, can I tell you? She's got me hooked on something. Let me finish the two more. I have two more and then we'll go to the hook I just I'm so excited to tell her this and share. I know you will share it to her

Okay, but let me get the two other things that she really I'm gonna tell you right now. Okay We're driving right. Oh, we're driving down the street to pick up some food Mendocino farm Uh Terries our favorite whatever favorites And I go, hey, you know, it's been three months I I just want to ice coffee You haven't had ice coffee in three months. No, I haven't

I haven't been to no, I'm not allowed to go to Starbucks or anything like that. Damn. Am I not am I not be honest? Am I allowed to go there? I had you you had an espresso double shot on the show last week. Yeah, but it was a canned one I know it was still delicious. Wasn't it? It was delicious. But that's not my point. I wanted a fresh. I bought it for you I put it in. I know you did just for bob But Go tell oh, so I go. Hey, do you mind? You know, she's not gonna know if I swing by and get some ice coffee. Just, you know, just between us

She goes, no, I tell uncle auntie. Um, Kalila. I'll tell her why why We talked about this last time. Why why are you gonna snitch on him? Do you need to do you feel like you need to snitch? No, because it's a big thing and I think Kalila asked me if He's gonna make any stupid things then tell me right She's an honest kid. I know she's like, but but that's a point docked for you. Yeah Here's the fourth one and here's the one that makes me very worried. Mm-hmm Uh, and I've been googling it and I've been calling my psychiatrist friends and I've been um, oh, yeah

You're doing some what happened reading some papers on it. What happened? So on her phone her screen, you know, her wallpaper or whatever. Mm-hmm is of a Boy That she has a crush on who's the boy? No, just listen. She has a crush Right And she doesn't she doesn't care piss me right off. I know she Who's the boy? Oh you oh you you want to get angry? Yeah, you want to get infuriated? Yeah, who's the boy? You're gonna find out my friend. Okay, keep going the guy that she has a crush on

Isn't real It's a cartoon character. What? Who is the boy? Do you have the screenshot? Bring it up Who is that let me bring it up on the pooter so we can see I can't see your phone. Who is it? Who is that? Kuro in haiku haiku. Wait, what? How do you spell that? K U R R O R O O and then just put haiku Yeah, like that's so fun. K K U R O O and then just spell How fucking Wait, what is it?

I Why you you? I cool. I cool This this okay Tisoto this guy. Yeah, you have a crush on this guy. Yeah He doesn't even he doesn't have a nose. He has a michael jackson nose. I know his nose is gone I'm completely gone. Why do you like this guy? Yeah, he this this is a sexy guy. No lips No lips, right?

No, we don't wear those those those are it's a line on other pictures on other pictures Okay, look at all the other pictures with these are all of them. No lips. No lips. No lips. Look at this is this is this is bad plastic surgery Yeah, yeah He's gotta go. He would look at it. Look hit hit that photo Right. Look look he who what man puts blush on He's bushing. I'm so sad. I'm so sad. I'm so sad. Yeah It's so this is a this is Jap a Japanese cartoon. You obviously have a crush on Japanese boys. Yeah, yeah, yeah Look at him. He's got these are Japanese boys. You love. He's got veneers on those aren't real human teeth. Wow, though

Oh, look at the arms. You're right. I can see it now. Wow. Wow. Wow. Yeah Oh Look, listen listen. It's got a long listen. Listen. Listen go lower it down lower it down. I just listen carefully Okay, so look you have a big crush on this guy. Yeah, yeah Can I tell you something? I'm actually quite relieved that it's not a real boy Really? Yeah, because I don't think that's fucking weird. It is but but you know what as her You know as her interim stepfather I just I'm I'd rather this than a guy that she can actually have access to because now that she's on the gram

And people know her and stuff. Are you going in your DMs? Yeah, you are Are there guys hitting on you? Yeah, but I don't see talk to them. Oh, you don't talk to them. What do they say? Like, um, you're really cute And if you don't respond I'm telling you see that opened up Pandora's box. There's gonna be some creepo. Are people send you nudes pictures? No, they're better not be and if there are by the way, if anybody sends Rudy a nude listen up do it We're posting it. We're posting it on the show do it. But yeah, if you send a dick pic to her It's go it's getting on the show. Yeah, but do it do it

But it's gonna get on the show just so you know, yeah, and we're gonna have an artist paint over it so you wait but how How did you how did this infatuation happen with this guy? What cartoon is he in? It's called haikyu haikyu haikyu it is although it is you know because of I have to tell you I've is it in English or in Japanese. Um, there's um English subtitles There's so there's Japanese and they subtitle in any but you can't but he doesn't have He only speaks in Japanese. Do you understand any of what he's saying? Do you pick up on stuff as time goes on? Yeah, you do see that's how you learn Japanese watch haikyu

I'll just tell you what the premise of haikyu. It guess what it you'll never you'll never believe it Well from this it oh my good god. Yeah, look at these look at those ads Now What's the premise? I mean, I don't know the premise but it's it's centered around check Yeah, I know I hate when people do that by the way. Yeah, that's a Japanese. Yeah Japanese thing Like whenever like soccer players Get a goal. Yeah, and they go to the camera and they do this barf Yeah, I just want to grab the outside of their hands and just crush

And just have their bones shatter into nothing Yeah, yeah, it drives me crazy. Don't ever do that. I can't even do one. I think that's what it is Yeah, this is it, right? Yeah. Yeah, they're laugh. Fuck love. That's my heart lopsided. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, So it's the the the premise of it is um volleyball What do you mean? It's they that's what the show's about they play volleyball. Yeah She watches a cartoon. She jerks off She rubs her little jam jam to a volley To her fucking volleyball fucking video

Wait a minute. They so the whole show is about teenagers who who are in a high school volleyball team Yeah, and competing too. Oh, they compete. Oh, so that's what makes it exciting competitive. Yeah. Yeah, welcome Ship station Yeah ship station is a service that we here at bad friends are involved in we use this service Ship station helps online sellers of any size Gets orders out quickly save money on shipping costs and keep customers happy. That's right ship station is proven They are incredible. They uh, they can sell through amazon etsy your own website Ship station brings all your orders into one simple interface. It's extremely simple anybody can use easy to manage it from any device

Even your cell phone. I can do I can do it. He can do it major carers usps fedex ups amazon fulfillment You can compare and choose the best shipping solution for your customer to make it easy and convenient So nobody got a freak out about how you're shipping out your products. Okay. Yeah, no wonder ship station is the number one choice Of online sellers number one you guys you'll you'll see you'll ship more and less time with the best rates available Anywhere you you you you'll ship more and time and more and way less time Ship station ship station and right now bad friends listeners can try ship station for free for 60 days when you use the offer code Bad friends my friends make sure your business is ready to meet the demands of delivery culture get started at shipstation.com today By the way bubble and I are going to start putting out bad friends merch. We're going to be using ship station to do so

That's right. Click on the microphone at the top of the home page and type in bad friends at shipstation.com enter the code Bad friends everybody shipstation.com make ship happen ship station Can I tell you I don't approve. I'm I don't approve, but I do approve. Yeah of normal people We've been watching normal people I got I love it so much Marianne. I love it. You don't love it You don't love normal people. It's a great show Do you not like it? It's a wonderful show

In ireland and it's a love story, isn't it? I Might switch camps. It's a great. I literally might go start one with the ovan now No, it's a great show because you're acting gay like you don't like normal people. No, I don't like I can only do an English one I don't like what is it. You don't like about normal people. I just don't like it's a great show No, it's about love and no, it's not about love and it's about it's about people And reactions and how they how they spend their whole lives together

Oh my god, it's a great show. It really is. Can I tell you something? Yeah, the acting is phenomenal The writing is very good. It is a love show. Yeah, and it's something I typically would hate The only thing I don't like is watching them hook up. Yeah, because kitty hookup stuff Dude, I don't like seeing adult hookup stuff. I don't get it. I don't like they show her tits But she has no tits. She has no tits. Hey, no tits. Hey No tits. Hey, yeah, but but they show her don't ever do that again. They show her but they show her bing bings Yeah, and uh, and they show his penis one time. Didn't they? Yeah, they showed his little irish penis as a potato Well, that's what kalayla likes to show because of the fact that it's real. It seems very real

I'm not I'm not kidding. Yeah, the actors all jokes aside. They're they're very town I I I don't I'm not it's good. It feels like a real relationship. It's not like me in fucking the wrong missy But it's um the level of acting but it's up there. Well, you know, I just submit You know, they're doing nominations for academy awards I submitted you for the wrong missy. I'm serious. I wrote it in I'm dead serious. We should have all of our fans. Well, they can't they can't vote But you should you should write into the academy and say why I'm tired of people shaming me by the way I'm tired of I regret even bringing it up. I saw a few different comments that said

Um shout out to bobby. He was underutilized and he still was funny in the movie That's that's great. Okay. That's very nice. Can I talk about a little dreadful thing that's coming up for me? Can we say one one thing real fast? Go ahead. Can we can we it's brody's birthday today? Rest in peace. Can we just do that? What I just wanted to say rest in peace happy birthday. Did that break your heart? Brody Stevens, it's like I asked away. It's his birthday today. I just wanted to say happy birthday And we love him and we miss him and that's all I just don't do well with him And specifically because it just makes me so fucking sad. I know dude, but I just wanted to wish like a happy birthday It's a comedy podcast. You shouldn't have worn that fucking shirt man. I shouldn't want a shirt of a fucking fellow

Yeah, because now my mood is like going into a different direction. That's all stop it. Yeah, I I miss him I love him. We're thinking about him in positive. I miss him. I love. Yes, bobby Lee Bobby Lee. Oh, I miss him in a love one eight till I die. Bobby North Korean wrong side of the Let's talk about him for a second though. Um, he was the fucking best not only that though is if you didn't know him He was one of those guys that it's almost as if He wasn't in show business. That's his mentality. It like when you met ran into him. He was just a regular nice Guy, he wasn't very sensitive not an asshole. No, he was always just um I've never had any kind of problem with him. No, and um

It is um a loss to the comedy community Yeah, I know this is mean to say but I did say it when he died to adami get shortly thereafter. I said So many other comics could have died and I wouldn't have cared I was like, I cared when he died. I know that's mean but like there was other comics that if you told me they died I'd go I don't think so. I think that you I think you would be heartbroken. No, there's some guys. No, I don't think so There's some guys. There's I can't believe that. There's some guys There really is there's a few people. Let me think let me see if they died. I would go

Would you fake though? Yeah, you have to all right. So I'm gonna tell you I'm a comic All right, I'm I'm gonna just get a name up a a comic that you don't like just a random name You this isn't real though. This is not real. No, okay Um, what's up? Oh, fuck. What's going on? You don't know dude No, what what's the problem? Oh my god What Bob tragic?

David Benowitz Died no, I just yeah, but It's the way he died. What happened He just woke up and he he had an omelet. Yeah, and then the fucking Was so sizzly. It was so hot. Yeah, just the pan. He was cooking it He was cooking an omelet on a pan. It was hot. Yeah, and then he put his elbow down on the little Thing and almost spot his face, but then the pan hit his face and he had a cardiac He had a cardiac. Yeah, he died. He died in a cardiac from a pan omelet. Yeah. Wow

Oh god No, oh, that's what you would do. I'd go. Oh god I got to talk business about um the show that yeah, yeah, yeah Anyway, you got to watch normal people It's so good. Isn't it normal people, you know forever I thought his name was Connor and then you'll learn his name is Connell All right, I'm gonna watch it and I call my I call my mom I'm watching a tack on titan now, but after I'm done with the tack on titan. It's why it's I'm gonna watch normal

Well, well written dude. All right very well I don't cry because I'm a I'm a empty empty guy. I don't have anything inside of me anymore But I get why people do Cry because when's the last time you cried in a movie in a movie? Never I've never cried. You've never seen a movie and went. Oh No I got a couple of I mean there's movies. I've laughed so hard that it made me cry Oh, you know where you laughed so hard. Okay, my brother and I yours

Almost died Yeah The ending is so funny Wait, so what yeah movies made my brother and I all right When we saw borat. Oh my god, no, but it was we didn't really I thought the show was stronger in terms of comedy But the scene where in the beginning where they were doing that that race with the jewish the the mannequin Yes, right and then the the that race where they're running from these gigantic jewish things Yes, and then one legs and lays an egg

And then the egg opens in a baby jew Right and the kids come out of nowhere and start hitting it with sticks. You know what I mean? My brother and I were in the theater On the floor. Yeah holding our sides. I had never laughed that hard in a fucking When I I had I had such shock comedy shock Like like, you know when you're laughing, but you can't believe that it's happening You're like, how are they getting how is this happening when he sings throw the jew down the well? Oh my god He got people to go so my country can't be

I I dude I was I was laughing so hard and looking around like how did they do this? How did he? He he I I remember feeling like that's the I was like that's the pinnacle of comedy What's great about that song is too in the beginning. It's a little like it's about Transportation or something it doesn't really go in my country. There is problem problem. Yeah. Yeah or something like that And eventually it gets to but then it goes into claws But at first it says and the problem is transportation. Yeah the transport. Yeah, and then they're all like, oh, it's hard to get a bus And the third verse is like and the problem is the jew and everyone's like and the problem is the jew Yeah, looking around. What a great. There's a few movies that I've laughed so hard that I've cried in but I've never cried

Why have you cried from oh my god? I was I was in a movie with you know who erin caterers The comic. Yeah. Yeah. So caterer and I many many years ago. There was a movie called taegukchi. What? You said it like that thing that she asked me to spell. Yeah, taegukchi taegukchi. Yeah Was there a silence? Is there silent letters? No, what? Taeguk? Taeguk? No, it's just I don't know taegukchi taegukchi Taegukchi it's about the korean war So it's in korean But it's about it. So I'll just tell you the open the movie opens up with this old man Why are you laughing? I just see you an old korean guy. I just see you every time this old man is just sitting like in an

I like in his desk or something No, he's just sitting there like just saw him in yeah, and he gets a phone call He goes horyo horyo, and he goes horyo, and he goes horyo horyo And they go soryo soryo soryo, right? He goes horyo horyo He said the same thing all the time Right, so then they cut cuts right and he's now at some sort of site Like an excavation site. Oh, yeah, right

and they dug up a skeleton of Somebody holding a pen And I guess the pen was this old man's pen and that was his brother And he died holding his brother's pen. Yeah But then it cut then it cuts back to the korean war, right jump cut jumps back in the past Right and it tells the movies about the story of what happened of the pen and basically what it is is, you know a kid

you know Gets drafted in the korean war and his older brother was was too old to get drafted, but he went in the korean war He'd always volunteered. He volunteered to protect his brother through the war and then this older brother Disappears right because and then now 60 years later. Wow, they find it. You know, that's the story His other brother got killed because we won No, you we were on the same team fuck fuck the korean war Yeah, the south koreans were in the same team as the americans you fucking twister. I thought this was a north korean movie No, it was

They don't make movies in north korea twist twist That's funny. I know you're on this by the way. Yeah It's a good time to bring up the mistake that I made what's the mistake today's memorial day Happy memorial Oh, what is it? Happy memorial day one two three happy memorial day. Oh, yeah, all the soldiers all the soldiers that have died Yeah, and I threw up something on our gramola asking for pictures of veterans Kind of blindly just like being like, oh, yeah throw up. We'll put up pictures on the show

Tons of people gave us photos and I was looking at them all and it was awesome. I was like, this is so great And then someone commented This is for soldiers that have passed during fighting Like during wartime not for just veterans and he was like as a veteran myself We find it disrespectful. I was like I just I just wanted to I just wanted to paint your bit

And then and people got an argument below it and I was like, okay, I don't I was just gonna Okay sorry So then We're done. We're not showing the photos So thanks for the people that died, but nobody gets photos now Because someone ruined the party because I screwed up. I didn't know I had no idea

I didn't I do know that it's memorializing the soldiers that have died But I just thought even if we throw veterans up there, isn't that nice apparently not that's for veterans day only They have their day So I fucked up I feel bad. I fucked up Why do you why did I wanted to say it out loud because I feel bad No, but hey my grandfather fought in the Korean War, but I do want to show a picture of him Did he really fight in the Korean War? Yeah, I do. I do want to show a picture of my grandfather because he did fight in the Korean War

And he's a handsome dude Rest in peace James Garrity. He's not around anymore. He doesn't he's he's passed away But he did fight in the Korean War. And so Bobby should respect and love this. There's my grandfather Oh Shit now that right there is normal people. That's and that's an irish lad if I've ever seen one Smoke and a cigarette there He's got this he's got he's got this uh, he's got this garb on there. Yeah, and that's a UFO Right there. That's a UFO

Swear to god before he died. He goes. That's a that's a fucking UFO There's a UFO. I know holy shit. That is one it's a UFO or it's a fucking coffee stain No, no that that's a coffee stain. Yeah And that is literally a UFO Or it could be a Bird I talked to my grandfather. There were no birds back then Yeah, yeah, yeah You know, I'll be honest with you. You're can I can I don't say anything fucking mean about my past away grandfather

This is my literal hero. I'm not gonna say anything mean and I don't know it. You don't know shit So shut I don't know him. So shut the fuck up right if you say something fucked up. I'm gonna fuck you up. I'm dead serious Go ahead If you say something fucked up, I'm gonna beat the shit out of you and I really mean it All right, because he fought he fought for our country And he's a fucking and he's passed away. I was gonna give him a compliment. Yes. Yeah, he looks like Henry Cable Oh superman

Yeah, I love that Stop there Stop there if hammer stop there if Henry Cable, right Bob was Do you want do you want me to get violent right now for real say sorry and take it back right now say sorry and take it back right now five four three two one

Don't get it What a hero he a beautiful what a beautiful man a beautiful handsome dude and he fought for our country And he's the best. Yeah, does he have to take his belt buckle all the way to his nipples? I mean, what was that fashion? That's what they did back then. I get it sharp-looking cat. Yeah, where's a picture of your fucking grandfather Hmm. I have one on my instagram. Show us go to the beginning. You have to scroll all the way down to the beginning of my You want to see a man? Yeah go Bobby. What here that's look here's Bobby Lee's grandpa. Here he is There he is Look at all look at all these guys look at all these guys. These are all your grandpa's

There's Bobby Lee's grandpa. There he is Bobby Lee's grandpa with his best bud Bobby Lee's grandpa with his best homeboy, you know, it's so funny, but those are proper eyebrows by the way Look at those I haven't I haven't cut anything because we've been in quarantined Have you gone anywhere and done anything? You know, you just don't grow eyebrows. You look like a teenage girl who tried to Threat him herself. That's what you look like bitch Well, you know, you look like you self-threaded. It's funny, you know, we it's funny. We're

It's bitch We're It's just you get really sensitive and I think that we're a comedy podcast and I think that what I get sensitive about You just get really you're you have like your responses to things are very uh, yeah, we're different fucking people We're different people. Yeah, you're lethargic and dumb and I'm I'm hotheaded and quick Also, I'm mad because you you did it. Why you've laughed. See that's the thing. She loves it rude loves it Yeah, she loves me getting torn apart. Yeah, because you fucking are so mean to her. You're so mean to her Am I not nice to you? You fucking wretched little fucking twat

You wretched ungrateful little twat. Am I not fucking nice to you? You're nice. There we go. You fuck What percent of the time what percent what percent of the time is he nice? Honest rude get closer to the mic because um 75 75. Oh, so what so 25 percent of the time? What do I do? You're mean mean mean. What do I do? You call her an ungrateful twat. No, what do I do? He um punches me and kicks me you do. Why are you kicking her? She has to learn something She's a little something if you could get your own apartment here in los angeles, would you like that or no?

Do you like living with them? What if we start to go fund me and we can get you enough money to get your own apartment? Would you like that? No, you sure? I'm sure. Okay. She has her own room. What if we start what if we start to go fund me for you? Just so you can start waving around money at tito bobby So you have money when he's like you don't pay for food and you're like I got it bitch and put down some money I'm not using that over her head. I'm just telling I'm just room. No, don't do that face. I'm reminding her Don't make I'm reminding her the situation. Yeah, she knows. I don't think she does sometimes. Do you know rude?

She'd all right. Well, just you know next time. How about this on the way over? Back home when we get into the car. I'm gonna get an iced coffee Oh, shit. No. Yeah, and I want to see where you're where you stand where your loyalty lies where your loyalty lies I don't say anything that I think a lot of will get mad at me. How will she know you might have to take one for the team? Oh boy Yeah, you might have to take one. I want to test you woman. This is really a good this would be an episode of normal people Trying to find out the marion is going to do the right thing or the wrong thing. Aren't you marion? For carnal you can do for carnal or for james. So you're he's going to get a nice coffee

And you're going to have to deal with the repercussions. Okay, if anti-calylic gets mad That's on you Buffy you guys, um, we love it. Uh a couple of months ago. Um, andrew gave me a buffy Comfort her. I did and it's what we use on my master bedroom May coli lenn I sleep on the buffy. It is the most comfortable blanket. I've ever does Rudy get a buffy She doesn't get a deserve. We should get her one because she oh, she doesn't deserve one yet You got to be of a cut. Yeah, that's right. You got to deserve it You got to be just a big bamboo sheet over her on the spiky mattress. She sleeps on spikes. Yeah, not with buffy

It's very comfortable. It's wonderful. Everything is made from ultra smooth eucalyptus fiber. It's softer than cotton I promise you you will not sweat. You won't get too hot. You won't get too cold It's changed my life talking about comforters pillows sheets the whole the whole nine yard as I say It's more earth friendly too, by the way It's sourced from renewable force consumes 10 times less water to grow and it's an ultra smooth waste-free production Eucalyptus fiber isn't just softer than cotton but more earth friendly like you just said my friend and my red-headed freak It's cruelty free. It's hypoallergenic So you're not going to get the sniffles of the nose tickles. No down feathers or animal products. Yeah, man

Because bubble is a big animal guy. That's right. Their products have 20,000 five-star reviews right bob. It's soft It's like angel skin man angel skin. That should be there. Yeah, buddy. It's like angel skin They're offering a free trial free shipping and free returns every day. We joke around a lot, but we mean it This is it's the best comforter phenomenal. You have to do it try it for free All right before you commit to buying if you don't love it give it back to him and no cost no cost Bubble and I'll take it 20 dollars off your buffy bedding go to buffy.co and enter the code bad friends Once again, 20 dollars off buffy bedding visit buffy.co and enter the code bad friends. Yes So everyone listening. This is a monday. I have to really say this. Okay. Yeah, because I'm really

self-conscious about it. Yeah, okay so This is this is a monday and this wednesday coming out is the game show Yeah, i'm excited the clips by the way look great Of you eating the bug was very funny. There's some really good stuff, but there are things though that they set me to post that aren't funny What do you mean? Oh, oh clips from the show. Yeah, I'm like that doesn't post them I know I'm not but what I wanted to tell people and just be um Sense because people are like why are you doing television?

Or like, you know, yeah television exists Yeah, those kind of like little jabs and you know, um When I did this I did it because then the people money. He did it because of money money And uh that also it's a paycheck. What do you mean? Also, you have to imagine five days after my dad died. I'm now on the set doing this thing Also, let's back it up right and then most of I had relapsed had fun doing it My knee blew out. I wasn't a lot of pain as well, but I

I'm just paring it because I don't want people to go. He's not funny, you know, you're gonna be funny on it Bob, you know, you are I don't think so. Have you seen any of it? Um, yeah, get closer to the mic jewels. Yeah, I've seen one you have live. She's there live Okay, look at me in the face. Don't pay any attention to him. Was it funny? Yeah She closed her eyes before she said I know she did. Yeah No Yeah, and then she said no, that was the real answer that she really meant. Yeah. Damn rude. You're mean I'm starting to see the real you. Yeah. See, thank you. It is funny, isn't it? It is. I told you. I bet you might like anyway

I will people, you know Rob gonkowski Yeah, both the williams sisters. No, just uh venus I do do how do you know which ones which? Because one's name is venus. I don't know what They're identical twins. What if they sent in serena never what if one day serena showed up? Would you have known? I don't like the scalar brothers. Yeah, they can switch. You'd never know No, honestly when you see the scalar brothers, do you know which one is which randy and jason? I do know who's who because I've Known them long enough. I don't know venus and serena williams. They could easily trick me

Yeah, um, yeah, I don't know the difference, but I just assume I made an assumption. That's like a disney thing I hope they like one day serena was like I'll go in for you. Yeah Who was the better tennis player venus, right? I think serena was more of that, but I don't want to sound stupid. I don't know tennis, but um They're from los angeles, but like like in uh, I'm gonna get in trouble for saying this, but yes I'm going to get in real big trouble But I think serena was offered first and she didn't want to do it So she gave it to venus. So I think venus is doing but check this out. You know, I wasn't the first offer

You weren't the first guy. They put the first korean guy. They picked but it broke my heart when I heard that Why does it matter if you got the job? You don't you don't be you don't want to be first choice I you you don't want to be first choice. You want to be fifth choice? I don't care Be honest with me. I I I don't care. All right, so I want to say this. I don't care. Why would you care? Who cares? It's your job. You ended up with the job All right, so I'm gonna ask you this I I did a bad tv show a terrible tv show multiple of them But I did one in las vegas called sin city saints. Yeah, I auditioned to be

An ancillary character And then they were like, well, what if you try the main role the lead role? And then I tried it and I got it. I wasn't there. They didn't want me I wasn't their choice and it ended up working out. I don't I don't care That story has nothing to do with my story same kind of thing. It wasn't for me. They didn't want me at all They didn't even audition me for it It just so happened to work out that they were like, well, maybe you should try it and I tried it and it worked It happens all the time that people get roles that I would love to get and they get them before me or and I'm fifth in line

This has happened to me a thousand times where they go Yeah, they're waiting, you know, I just you know, sometimes I would sometimes I wish Sometimes I wish you were on my side, but I can't be sometimes I wish that you were my friend I am sometimes I wish that you were my foundation. I can't be sometimes I wish that you were my love No, wait, sometimes I am your love that you suck my dick. I won't sometimes I wish that you tighten your ass I will I wish you would go on your belly Sometimes you know what that song was that was our rendition of uh, baby, it's cold outside You know, I really can't you're right. You're right. You know what you just twisted my mind around

Baby, it's a cold outside What did I twist your mind around? Are you right? I shouldn't be sensitive about it. Yeah. Is the show not funny? I don't think it for me. I think the show is great. I don't think that I'm great on it Why why do you say that? Because I was there and there were so many moments where they were like, don't say that you can't say that Or I would say a joke it would completely eat it And I was a little confused. Also. I was like not eating and sleeping and I was high all the time

It was a bad time the show is great. The people are great in there And I think that and then maybe they'll cut around it and maybe it'll it'll look good. I don't know I think it'll look great. Okay, but I how about this? I promise you It'll be great. Okay. You take my word for it I was just staring at you Manifest all that stuff and talk about it And I thought in my head

I'm gonna watch it. It's gonna be good I'm gonna smile and I'm gonna call you to tell you that it's good And you're not all right, but and you're not gonna pick up Oh, no, I won't leave a voicemail because I don't want to if we're true friends, though I If we're true friends number one will you watch it? I will because I saw every episode of Davey You did not Is is he lying? Did he watch my show Dave? I don't know. Yeah

Yes, she doesn't know She doesn't know Davey's great. Did you really watch it? FX. I think you're full of shit. I did see it I think you're very good. You saw every single episode. You're a friend in it You saw every episode. Do you mean it? No I don't even know you're lying to me But will you watch this show and tell me the truth? Wait, you just you just said that you didn't watch my show I know. I don't want because I'm trying to get you to watch it right. You didn't watch any episodes of my show Who are you calling? Nobody. Did you watch any of my show?

Not one. I saw their ads You're good in the ads. They should put you in some of the ads They put me in some of the ads. Yeah, you're real good in the ads There's one where you're sitting down talking to Davey and going what do I say in the ad? You're like, you don't even watch the ads Understand why this situation has happened something like that Who are you calling Davey? No, okay. I call Kalyla I'm telling her you're going to get a nice coffee Oh

If you did that I would never it would cause a war She would get so fucking mad. I would never do that to you. Yeah, she would be mad Look, I will watch the show. It will be good. I promise. All right. That's it. That's all. Let's let's move on from it Let's talk about how much tv has changed. Let me show you a clip somebody sent me and I thought this was fucking knockout One of the funniest things I've ever seen Look how great this is. This is this is this guy IG Josue intern twitter put this up. Look at how fucking great this is. I don't know what year this is from Um, but this is MTV too

Yeah, I'll my aunt that does not offend me It shouldn't I love it. Yeah, it's not it's funny if television was like that. I would watch it again But I gotta tell you yeah, okay, you're you're saying that as an asian person It's not offensive to you, but I'm sure other Asians are offended and I'm sure I think this is radically offensive for black people You don't think this ooga booga boo. Oh, you're the ching chong ching ching chong ching. It's fucking not fucking No, because that's what you guys sound like. I bet you money if Ian Edwards Edwards was here He he would go and he would go here. I'll tell you exactly after you played he go That's ridiculous

I know it's ridiculous man. Y'all crazy. Yeah, but you know, I think that if Gabriel Iglesias or George Lopez saw the Mexican thing that they would we would all laugh in the same room I bet you most black people wouldn't think that's funny. It's probably isn't no that's fucking racist That's racist. I just didn't realize that that was a bone sticking out of their fucking nose And this was by the way, this is my first acting gig. I've never That's amazing. That was really on MTV I don't know this could have been a sketch that somebody made but kudos to whoever made it and this this uh This guy's instagram and twitter is up there. Obviously. Yeah, shout out to him if he made it. That's very fucking

That's a good manipulation, but it does look like a commercial that would have been on MTV too back then, you know Yeah, like this looks like The nacho taco chimichanga makes me know it's a sketch Yeah, here's what I mean like I knew I know it's fake. It's gotta be fake Whoever wrote that had a problem with black people, I think Uh, I think he when he wrote it it like the black one was maybe somebody else wrote it The black one wasn't as harsh and somebody in the room went nah, dude put the phone in the nose That's so bad and make it out and make it real, but the ching chong ching chong is still so sweet

Yeah, listen how sweet these guys sound when they say this Yeah It's so catchy. That's why I think that that that uh That's a catchy that ching chong ching chong ching. That's you know, it's not A show could survive out there if we went completely we did a show like this Completely the opposite end of the spectrum if we did like uh like racially Just no it's so insensitive like that, right? Yeah People know if that's they're coming to watch, right? Sure. You have you have a sketch show of five people

Right one of every race. Yeah get the funniest black guy me you, right? Yeah, and a couple of others, right? And we just did a fucking offensive shit an offensive sketch show. It's actually very smart Because we but we went more offensive than this No, no, I've been saying but it's smart if we got somebody from every race to be kind of the lead sketch writer of that sketch And we just participated in their sketch. Yes. Yeah, that could be cool. Like if a black I wrote the black sketch Yeah, we yeah, yeah in Asia. Yeah, and we're just participants in the sketch. It's got to be ethnic appropriate writers totally Yeah, I think that uh, let's try it that would break ground Are you why are you smiling because it's a great idea? Yeah, I think we should try but you have to write the most offensive version

Oh, I'm gonna I already can do it Well, you did. Yeah, you did for years on mad tv You did the most racist shit you could do. First of all, I didn't the one so many of your Asian characters were just So fucking racist They're all that yeah, but I went but I I wanted to do like Johnny gone I wanted to do the craziest because There was a lot of Asian actors at the time goes I refuse to do an Asian accent Well, yeah, because it was a fucking I understand that but I was like, you know, because this is the kind of shit

Yeah, right that they're writing for us, but I went you know what hold up a second Let me put my fucking two cents in the fucking pocket, right? Let's do this go the other way, right? So that's essentially what I want to do. Yeah, you know, you did a good job I you know, I just you're really making me mad today. Shut up Shut up Watch bobby's show premiering on NBC. What is it called by the way? It's called game on game on. Yeah Game on on NBC featuring Bob Lee one of the Williams sisters

Game on I bet you it's gonna be really good. Hey, what do you know any um, this reminds me of that Of of uh, this the sketch idea. Do you know, do you remember any old when we were kids like racist street jokes? What's the most racist street joke, you know, like the cheap shit? Well, I know I know gay street jokes I don't know in a lot of racist ones Um, like that like I know the old joke, you know, the old like a blank a blank and a blank walk into a bar Yeah, I have a couple of those give me the walk, but I have the racial ones. I have gay ones You don't have any racial ones. No, I never found those that funny. Look at this one. Um A black guy walks into a bar and the bartender says get the fuck out

Get it say it again I didn't get it. I also didn't get it say it again. I think I missed it So let me just like a black guy walks. Okay. Let me just say it. Yeah. Is this what you said? A black guy Walks into a bar. Yeah and the bartender says Get out get the fuck out get the fuck out. Yeah And then the black guy what happened he leaves And then what happens the bartender where's the funny it's been the bartender continues continues to serve the whites and the bar

I get it. It's a bar in boston. Yeah, it's good. It's a bar in boston. Yeah, it's every bar. Sorry. It's every bar in boston Um, I like do you like um, I like really clean ones can't take credit for that joke No, these are street jokes. I like really clean ones. Um grasshopper walks into the bar. You know that one Mm-hmm. You like that one. All right grasshopper walks into a bar bartender says hey, we have a drink named after you and the grasshopper says you have a drink named steve That's so stupid You know, there's a lot of dumb ones like that like um, um, so this kid right is um In the middle of the street on a gigantic wooden box

Right. You ever heard this one? No, right? And he's on the wooden box and he's jumping up down, right? 16 16 16 16 this man walks across the street and goes hey kid, what are you doing? He goes, oh my god. This is so fun. You gotta try it, sir. I doesn't seem fun. I trust me Do it, right? So they'll say okay. I'll try he gets up there 16 right and he pulls the box underneath the old man and the old man falls into a manhole and the kid goes 17 That's a great joke. Thank you. That's really good. Yeah, not yours. It's a street joke You know, I got so many give me another street joke. I'm trying to think of one. That's actually good

I told you one. I think I told one on this podcast already. Yeah, but I'll tell again because it's my favorite old joke Yeah, my friend Elliot Haggerty told it to me British guy and he says to get two blokes I love doing it in his accent because it's bad Two blokes two two blokes two gay guys flying back on a midnight flight to london from new york In the middle of flight a boyfriend turns to the other boyfriend and says oh Fuck me And the first one says i'm not gonna that's crazy. I'm gonna fuck you in the airplanes. Fuck people all over. He goes come on

Come on. Fuck me I'm not gonna and he goes everyone's sleeping He goes watch he stands up and he goes. Oi Can I borrow a pencil? And nobody moves he turns to his boyfriend. He goes see everyone's sleeping and he goes say it louder then Stands up and he goes. Oi. Can I borrow a pencil? Nobody moves. Nobody's blinks and I He turns to his boyfriend. He goes good now then he goes all right hop on so they fuck right the plane lands in london next day

Everyone's board in the plane except for one man One row behind where the two boyfriends were sitting and he's sitting there wide-eyed In shock and he's got throw up all over his chest He's got a vomit all over his chest wide-eyed in shock and a flight attendant says sir What happened? Are you okay? And he goes? Uh, I don't know and he goes what what why wouldn't you say something? Why wouldn't you Yell out to someone alert someone that you that you'd gotten sick and he goes yell out and say something

In the middle of the flight a bloke stood up and asked for a pencil and then another bloke fucked him in the ass That's one of my favorites that's a long one. It's a good joke. I have the longest joke give it to me. No payoff Yeah, give it to me All right, but it's so long. Yeah, but go the payoff is so bad. I don't care. Oh, you want to hear it? Yeah, okay This this joke is about a magician named Antonio the magnificent He was a gigantic vegas star Sold out shows the best magician on in the universe

David Copperfield had nothing on this guy, right? Every should know he did four shows a night sell out every show, but now he's getting old Right, he wants to retire. Yeah, so he decides to have his final show in Vegas Right, and he wanted to create He wanted to create the most magnificent magic trick that no one's ever seen Right, so he you know, he spends a week thinking about it brings in a crew that created, right? And so he goes I've got it down So he has his final show and at the end of his show, right?

He goes for my final trick. No one's ever done this before in human history And this is the greatest magic trick ever, but I need to volunteer, right? Can I have the strongest man in the audience help me come up on stage and volunteer for this trick, right? And no one raises their hand and he goes come on somebody the strongest man, please And in the fifth row this six foot nine 300 pound yoke southern guy billy bob He slowly raises it. I can try Right, I'll do it

right So billy bob billy bob Walks on stage. You know, he's shy He hasn't been in front of a crowd before, right? So what do you want me to do? You know, and antonio goes Do you see that metal bat there billy bob? billy bob goes billy bob goes

Yeah, I see the middle bat pick that middle back that that up And he hit me in the face It's as hard as you can Right billy bob whispers to him because hey man, that's what you know, I'm really strong I'm gonna really hurt you, you know, like you could die And antonio goes don't worry about it billy bob. I'm a magician. I'm the greatest magician Just do it billy bows. All right. So billy picks up the bat He goes cocks back. He swings it at antonio's face

It hits him in the forehead antonio's face opens up a little bit And puts the square up And his eyes roll back He goes under. He goes to a standing convulsion. Yeah, he falls on his back and he starts convulsing right and he slips right into a coma Oh, right. So cut to, right? You're gonna eat the pig off You're gonna eat the pig off

So I'm not gonna get to it. I told you it's the longest joke I've ever heard. So cut to, right? Antonio was in in the in the hospital. He's he's a he's life support. Yeah, right. He's in a coma, right? Billy Bob feels so bad. He quits his job. He's from Georgia, right? He quits his job. He's a little backstory. Yeah, right. He quits his job and he decides, you know what? I'm gonna I'm gonna visit antonio Every single day until he gets out of this coma, right? Right. So every day he comes sits next to antonio's side, right? A year goes by. Okay. Are you okay? I don't know why this is so dumb. So a year goes by, right?

And the doctor comes in and goes, I'm sorry, Billy Bob, but We're gonna have to take um antonio off of life support. There's no sign, right? And Billy Bob goes, are you sure the doctor? And then Billy Bob looks at antonio's fingers Have you heard this show before? No. Right. And he looks at antonio's pinky And it's moving Right And Billy Bob goes, look doctor, his pinky is moving, right? And the doctor goes, oh, that is a sign

So maybe we won't take him off of life support. A month goes by. The doctor comes back in and goes Um, I'm sorry, Billy Bob, but one pinky isn't, you know, a sign We're gonna have to take him a lot, but he goes, Billy Bob, look, his other pinky And now lo and behold Lo and behold, right? Both pinkies are moving. Both pinkies are moving, right? Doctor goes fine. Next one goes right? Another finger. The ring finger. The ring finger, right? So as a month goes by Same thing happens every month. The doctor comes in and a new finger is moving, right? Eventually, right? All the fingers are moving. Got it, right?

Right. And so The doctor comes in and goes I'm sorry, Billy Bob, even though all his fingers are moving, right? It doesn't mean, right? That, you know, he's reviving or right? We still have got we're gonna take him off of life support Yeah, we gotta let him go. It's been 10 fucking months. We gotta let him go. This crazy shit, right? And um, Billy goes, okay And he looks down at Antonio and all of a sudden Antonio's eyes kind of flutter like this And it opens, right?

Right? And Billy Bob goes, doctor! Doctor! His eyes are open and the doctor goes, are you sure? And then Antonio looks at the doctor Then looks at Antonio and goes Ta-da! Oh my god No Ta-da! Ta-da! Rudy

That was a great joke, Bo. I don't know why that joke. I love that joke. Ta-da! Ta-da's the punchline. Can I give you one one more street joke? Is it long? It's just bad. No, it's really bad in short They're all these are all bad. Yeah A guy goes into the doctor, right? Yeah And he has a massively long penis huge. It's fucking huge And he walks in the doctor and the doctor says, what seems to be the problem? And he says, I've got got got got you got got got got got got got got got gotta get some some some some help I I I I I can't can't can't can't

Can't Fin-fin-finish Fin-finish. Sent-s-s-s-s-send And the doctor says, well, maybe you maybe you just have a really tremendous stutter. We'll do some We'll do some research on you and they do some research on him and they find out all of the blood that should be rushing to his brain is rushing to his big, big penis. The doctor says to the big penis man, he says, I'm gonna have to remove a big chunk of your penis. You know, you've got too much dick

and we're gonna take away a lot of it. We're gonna take of a lot of it, but you're still gonna be left with a fine penis. It's just, it needs the blood to get back to your brain. It's all stick to your penis. And the man says, well, well, well, well, you got it, got it, got it, do, do, do, do, do, what would you got it, do, do, do, do?

And so the doctor says, okay. So they cut off the man's penis and they cut it down to less than half, right? And they put the rest of the penis aside, okay? And the guy leaves, right? And a month goes by and he comes back into the doctor. He says, doc, I can't live like this. You need to give me my penis back.

You need to reattach the other part of my penis because now I have this small penis and I don't like it and my stutter is gone, but I just, I can't get laid and girls think my penis looks weird and I wish it was back to the way it was and it was even better than even though I didn't, you know, had sex that much and I couldn't really finish the sentence,

but it didn't really matter because now girls don't wanna sleep with me at all. So you gotta attach my penis back. And the doctor says, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, fuck you, suck, suck, suck, suck, suck. He surgically put his penis back on. He said he, the doctor took his penis, dude. Wow.

The doctor took his penis. That's a really good one. I wanna say to Rudy and all the other graduates of the 2020 class cause she's graduating her grade. Congratulations. Congratulations to everybody that's graduating. Really happy for you guys.

You did it. College is not gonna be worth it. You're gonna spend a lot of money and Bernie's not gonna pay for it. So guess what? Welcome to the real world, bitch. I have to say, I have to admit that did you see Kenan Ivory Wayne's speech on?

His speech on what? He did a commencement speech? Your commencement speech? No. It is so fucking funny at the end. What is it? I don't know where Koala found it, but it was so fucking funny.

Kenan Ivory Wayne's? Message. Maybe that's it. Yeah, that's it. Let's hear his graduation message. The ending is a good payoff. Well, let's hear a little bit. It's only two minutes.

Hi, everybody. This is Kenan Ivory Wayne's. I just wanna say congratulations to the class of 2020. I know this sucks. You worked your ass off and now you don't even get to walk. But that's what makes you the greatest generation of this new millennium.

In the face of a global pandemic, you stayed focused, continued to work hard and achieved your goals. That's the kind of leaders we're gonna need in the future. I wish you guys all the best. Keep striving, keep smiling. It's really nice. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

That's so funny. It's very funny. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's a great bit. It's a great bit. And which kid was that? That's a son. How many does he have?

52. There's so many Wains. There's so many Wains. They're all nice too. Damon Wains Jr. had hit me up about something on Twitter and I said, will you make me a William, a Wains now? And he said, you're in. So I'm an honorary Wains.

Oh, shit. I'm in. I want to be a Wains. Can't do it. Can't do it. I love that guy. Damon Wains Jr.? Yeah.

They're all great. They're all very... I haven't met one that's not nice. I've never met a Wains where I would fuck that guy. No, they're all so nice. It's crazy. Yeah, they're so nice. And they're so successful too.

It's annoying. Yeah, they're amazing people. Very funny people. I remember watching Damon Wains, his first HBO special, thinking that it was the funniest thing I had ever seen. I mean, if you look back now, I mean, I've been in comedy for a very long time. Very, very long time. Very...

Well, not that long. How long have you been in comedy? Over 20 years. How long? Over 20 years. How long? How long? 24 years.

Wow. Yeah. How long do you think I've been in comedy for? 12 years. 14. 14 years. Fourth of July will be my 14th birthday of comedy. I moved here on the Fourth of July.

Isn't that amazing? Yeah. Congratulations for not quitting. What the fuck does that mean, that you wanted me to quit? Did you think I was going to quit? I didn't think you had the back bone. You don't think I have the back bone? Yeah, because, you know, there's a lot of...

You don't think I have the back bone? There's a lot of sacrifice that you need to have, and I didn't think you could sacrifice. But you did. What was the sacrifice you don't think I could have sacrificed? Just the years of not getting paid, the years of slowly climbing up the system, you know? That's a difficult thing to... I thought that you were weak in that way, but you weren't. So that's my bad.

You thought I was weak in that way? I just didn't think you had the resolve to do it. Why? What would have given you that impression? You're just... Hey, guys. You know what I mean? I was like, that guy's not...

That's me. I'm... Hey, guys. That's me. Well, whatever. What's up, fellas? This is me. Hey, guys.

It's something like that. Okay. This is you. All right. Anyway. Anyway. Our special guest is back. Andreas lit us up two weeks ago.

His jokes were really good, making fun of you and me. They're pretty good. They're pretty good. Yeah. Let's call the kid and see what he's got. He may have something good, and he may have nothing. You never know with him. He's a fancy bee.

Fancy bee. Our special guest is Andreas the Fancy Bee Rosendee. We're excited. He's going to be giving us his stand-up comedy stylings, and if he's good enough, he's going to open for me and Bobo when we go back on the road. You ready? You ready? Okay.

Yeah, I'm ready. Let's hear it, sweetheart. Okay. Wait a second. I'm ready. Yeah? Wait a second. He has to wear his dice jacket.

Is that a rack of DVDs back there? Or is that books? Oh, shit. Oh! Oh, motherfuckers, you guys keep coming back for more, huh? I guess you really need some talent on this show. Who produces this shit, by the way, because I want to see you in George, you know what I'm missing here?

How bad do you have to suck at your job that you get replaced by a high school girl and let the show get better? In what? Laughing too hard? Yeah. Wow. It was so loud in there that the neighbors called animal control because they thought you guys have a hyena in the room.

George reminds me that keeping him home alone, if you grew up to hot dance, you want to be a comedian. Oh, yeah. You really want to just stand up. Your comedic inspiration is done in Kruger because you suck, but you don't know how much you suck. So you suck. Learn from me.

My comedian inspiration? Freddy Kruger, because I kill every time, even in your dreams. Anyway, so let's talk to someone else. Who else was here? Oh, yeah. Let's go to our favorite mute of bad friends. Rose. Hey, Rose.

What a journey you had. You let Mayo head out for this shit. I don't look Rose or Jules or Rudy. You have more nicknames than what you have said in this show. He loves it himself. It looks like you auditioning for the quiet place every time and still, you got more lines in than Bobby in the wrong distance. Oh, he takes out the mic, he's slapping it and he loves it.

Wow. What? You're saying something, Jules? You have to speak into the mic. No, but they might grow. Like Andrew Abou just speaking on the center of the disaster or this. You're angry. Yeah, but I don't know why you don't know that.

Because smell like George's breath, which smells like walls, because he sucks so much of it. Jules, I wanted to understand your struggles, so I saw 90 Days P.M. saying, and yeah. Rose's dad lives on a pig farm. So how did you manage to find the only place in America that is bordered on living with a pig? Living with Bobby Lee? Since Rose's American dream, cleaning millionaires' houses.

That sounds more like the Mexican dream to me. Yeah, I sympathize. I also came here looking for the American dream, but mine doesn't include a knife and a mitch hunt. You have some sanctuaries, girl. Living with Bobby Lee is like living with a puppy, except you can put a train of puppy. You don't want to play video games, that's a real life. You came here as a teenager, and now you have to raise one.

Wow. Anyway, that's all I got for you guys. Yeah. Hey, let's heckle you. Now we get to heckle you. Sure thing. Yeah. Yeah, look at it.

What's up, Pablo Espresso bar? I like that jean jacket. Who's is that? Tell me that's your girlfriend's. This? Yeah. No, this is George's. That's even better.

That's even better. All right, see you. Andres, great job. We love you. We love you. You're really fun. Thank you. Bye, buddy.

Real fun, bud. You're the good guy. Bye. What a chance. What a guy. Love him. Ripped you apart, Jules. Jules, are you mad about that?

No. No? You like that? What are you going to do? You're going to do stand up too, right? We got to get some jokes for her. I know. If we wrote you jokes, will you tell it?

I don't know. Get closer to the mic, Jules. I don't know. How about this? You got, you should. You'd love it. Here's the thing. Because she did something for her school the other day.

Look at it. What did you do for your school? She had to do a video thing for her school. Look at her. Look at her. Look at her face now, right? What was it? And I'm like, can I see it?

She's like, no. She won't let me watch anything. Well, because you're probably going to be judgmental about it. She's afraid, huh? I'm not going to be judgmental. Look at how mad she is that I brought it up. What was the thing you had to do for school? It's like a one-man show.

Wait, like a monologue? Yeah. Do you have it? Yeah, but I'm not proud of it. Can we see it? No. Come on. No, I'm not proud of it.

Rudy, please. It's really bad. Rudy, please. No. How about this? Yeah, we won't. We'll cut it out. Where is it?

I love what I'm saying. All right, how about this? Everyone has a price. How much money does Tito Bobby need to pay you to show it? No. $1,000. It's really bad. $1,000.

$1,000. $1,000? $1,500. $1,500. $2,000. There's no amount of money. You're not going to, you won't do it for $2,000? No.

$5,000. Holy shit. But she was in a play, though, when the school won't, before the pandemic, she was in a play. What was it called? Something Rotten. Yeah. You don't know the name of the thing you were in? It's something Rotten.

Oh, it's called something Rotten. And then she had to take a tap, right, tap dancing lessons. She's hating this right now. Right. So can you show some tap dancing moves? No. You took lessons? Yeah, but I was at the beginners level.

Show me the beginning moves like, you know, the beginning moves. Yeah. I'm not good at it, though. It doesn't matter. It's not the point, Rudy. See, here's what I'm trying to get her to do. She come out of her shell, not come out of her shell. She's so afraid of embarrassing herself or how she's going to look and stuff.

But what I'm telling her is she's in that age range. Yeah, but I'm what I'm saying is that when you go out, people, people are successful not because of their college education. Generally, people are successful because of communication skills. We know dudes that have no fucking education at all, but they can make a living just by their, the way they can communicate. Yeah, sure. And so I'm telling her that that's the key to success is to learn how to communicate

and to take risks and to be bold. Yeah. And you're not, you're just in your shell. You're in your shell. And we want to get you. So on this show, I think that this is a great opportunity for us to set up situations for you to say things and to perform. You know, and if you don't like them, we can always cut it out, you know, but we won't. Yeah, we won't. Yeah, we're going to leave it.

We will leave it for sure. Right. So we're going to give you an assignment for next week. Yeah, next week. So what's the assignment? I want you to make ever sing something. I want, I want you to make a tap dancing video for if you don't want to sing, you don't have to, but a tap dancing video for us, an instructional video for me and Tito to learn how to tap dance because we want to. We talked about it a bunch. Yeah.

So I'm going to tape it on my iPhone. OK. Yeah, I'm going to tape you, right? And we're going to do Juliana's tap dancing beginner's course from and some of the excerpts from something, what was it called? Some things, something's rotten, rotten, OK. Can you do the steps from something's rotten? Um, I, I wasn't part of the dance.

I was part of the acting. Why did you take tap then for the callbacks? Oh, oh, you didn't get the part that where you had to tap dance. Yeah. So do you have lines in this play? Hey, that's OK. We don't get a lot of stuff when we get callbacks and we don't get a lot of stuff. Sometimes, sometimes we're in second position.

Yeah. But did you did you have lines in the in the in the show? I think so. OK. Will you do some of the lines in the show? No, it was only one line. Can you do the one line? I forgot. One line and you forgot it. You can't remember line.

Do your one line from fucking forget a wrong missy. Do your line. Hey, Mr. Miss is something you have a reservation. I don't know. Yeah, so I guess it is easy to forget one line, huh? No, I guess that's it. You forgot one line. That's fine.

That happens. We got to do something like were you karaoke something next week? Yes, you will. OK. Well, that's that's karaoke. That's the homework assignment is you have to think about what you want to present to the show next week, because the fans want to see it. The fans love you. Yeah.

The fans absolutely adore you. They actually a lot of fans love the Andreas spit. A lot of them don't like Andreas to stand up. I love it. I don't care. Yeah, there's never really been any negative about Jules on the on the. They love they love her and they should. And they should because she's the best. But if they're sending dirty DMs,

we're going to dig into those DMs. And if you're showing your PIPPAP also this is she had to create a different Instagram account because she her private one got hacked. No, how many people do are following you on your private one? Like nine hundred. So you have nine hundred on your private one and you have 10,000 on not ten, eight, eight thousand on the Rudy one. Ten thousand on that one almost.

Yeah, well, we're going to get you to a hundred grand. A hundred thousand. But the thing is, is I just said it again. You said it all podcast. The thing is it's the it's the thing you do. That's part of it. How about that? But you say it every time I say it, I owe somebody money. I don't want to say it anymore.

Can that be a thing? Yeah. I want to do a charity thing. OK, I'm going to bring in a bucket. Yeah. And every time you say something, you have to put in a dollar. And I'm going to tell you because I'm trying to get out of that. Start bringing singles. I'll bring singles.

And what charity are we going to donate to? Probably the Comedy Store Fund. No. No. Something like real like Children's Hospital Children's Hospital. What's a charity? No, no. Is there a charity that you know that you like, Jules? No, she's already in her head now. Look at her. Well, because she's pissed off that you talked about the tap dance again. Now everybody knows. Yeah.

We're going to find that video, whether you like it or not, it's going to go up on the show. She's so angry. Yep. It's going to get hundreds of thousands of eyeballs watching you tap dance. Oh, there's a video. Oh, there will be. Tito Bobby's going to make a video. And guess what? You don't want to tap. You don't want to make the video out on the street. There's a nice bridge. There's a nice bridge down the street. You can sleep under. It's a nice overpass. Are you prepared for that?

You're going to get involved one way or another, Missy. All right. I'm tired of your fucking bullshit. You're going to get involved. Yep. All right. Yep. God. All right. Thank you for being a bad friend.