Bad Friends - Rudy's Stand Up Debut

Episode Date: July 19, 2021

Thank you to our Sponsors: https://betterhelp.com/badfriends & https://doordash.com code: badfriends2021 & https://upstart.com/badfriends & https://bluechew.com code: badfriends YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube Audio Subscribe: https://apple.co/31Jsvr2 Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com 0:00 The Boys tell Rudy the Rambo Alien Plot 6:28 Rudy Destroys at the Brea Improv: Video from the Show 22:45 Bobby Gets Emotional About Rudy's Stand Up 24:15 Rudy's Negotiation Tactics 25:40 Manifest: The Bad Friends Review 33:10 Rudy's Ice: The TV Show 54:25 We Call The Bobby Lees More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Pete Forthun Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? White dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. Well, you two are something. We're bad friends. So, John Rambo is an alien. So unnecessary to run over the cop car.

I just want to explain to her what's going on in the scene. He could have just kept going on the street. And this doesn't make sense either, this duck and dive with this motorcycle. Stay on the sidewalk. What are you doing? This is so poorly choreographed. Which is tell her the premise though. So he's an alien, he just landed.

And in the local town, right, they saw the spaceship land in the car. Freak! They freaked him out. They say freak. Freak, they get him. And they got him. Because he was a lizard at first.

And he came back as a human. Right? What? I don't believe you. Anyway, so he lands, this is a lizard race. He goes on, I'm John Rambo, you know.

I'm Johnny. He goes, I'm Jonathan Rambo. That's right, that's right. I'm Jonathan Rambo. And then, and then the cops are freeze. Get down. Get down, right?

And then he goes, and he turns into Sylvester Stallone. Yeah, the sexy muscle. That's a lizard alien. But as a disguise, he's Sylvester Stallone from Rocky. So everyone thinks now some of the townspeople think it's Rocky Balboa.

Yeah, they're looking for a fight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they're like, what's up? Hey, what are you fighting next? Where's Apollo? Remember the one in the lines? Where's Apollo? Where's Apollo?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's like, he's black. That's what he said. He's black. Did he say that? He doesn't. He does not. It's cool, man.

It's a great film. But then the other lizards fly back down. Yeah. And then one turns into Arnold Schwarzenegger. And one of them is Steven Seagal. Steven Seagal. And the other one is John Club Van Dam.

Right. And it's basically, you know what this is? A prequel to the expendable. Expendables. Yeah. This is expendables one. This is like the prequel. Expendables one, really.

I don't know what's expendable. It's like talking to a farmer's kid. A wall. I don't know. I don't know anything. Do you know who John Rambo is? I mean, do you know who Rocky Balboa is? No.

You don't know who Rocky Balboa is. Tell him who Rocky Balboa is. Rocky Balboa was a famous blind fighter, a one-armed famous blind fighter from Johannesburg, South Africa. He was very famous. Joe Boog, South Africa. And he was half black and half white.

But it's a movie that Sylvester Stallone did. Yeah. He played it. Right. This is before this movie, right? It's what made him famous. And this is before CGI, by the way. Yeah.

So he had to, yeah. He had to have one arm, like, tucked and taped to his back. The whole film. No, no. What they did was they had a harness. Oh, it was a harness? They had a face. Yeah.

So his arm was tied to his body like this. Uh-huh. And then they had a prosthetic like this. And those was one, if you see the behind the scenes with the bloopers, right? Yeah, I've seen the BTS. He was running, and then the thing fell off, right? He hit the actors in the eye.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so here's this guy from Johannesburg, South Africa. Yeah. And he's half black and half white. Yeah. He's half black and half white. What do you think in your mind?

What do they look like? They have light skin. Right. Right. But this, he's physically half. Like half black. Half of his left side of his body is black, and half is white. Oh.

So the side with no arm is white. And here's the opening song of the fucking movie, right? Mm-hmm. One half is going ebony. And ivory. It's a famous song from the film. You never heard ebony and ivory? They're in harmony.

Famous. It's from the movie. Famous. They wrote it for the movie. For the film. And so anyway, Rocky Balboa, this one armed half black, half white guy, he decides to take on Apollo. Do you know who Apollo is?

He's like a lord. We have our galaxy, right? But we have a universe. He's the lord of the universe. He's the god of the universe. Apollo. You know what I mean? Like a god.

And part of this whole thing is Rocky is homophobic, and Apollo is outwardly gay. Outwardly gay. He's openly gay. Full blown gay. And so they get into a full, a fighting match about whether or not, you know... Well, he brought, Apollo brought AIDS. He brought AIDS down the earth. AIDS to the earth.

Yeah. In the movie. So Rocky's trying to beat AIDS, the whole film. That was like what the whole film is. He's fighting for AIDS. Fighting intergalactic, you know, species. Intergalactic AIDS, basically. Intergalactic AIDS.

And... Yeah. What? Nothing. And what happens in the movie is Rocky, you know, I told you, he is from Philadelphia. He born in Johannesburg, and then he starts fighting in Philadelphia because that's, you know, that's obvious. That's where all the homophobes are.

And he fights, and he beats Apollo. He beats the guy who brought AIDS down. And that's kind of the beginning of Sylvester's career. Yeah. And also just... That's why he's so famous. In the movie, like, as a sequel, but it wasn't like... Eventually, you know, Rocky gets the hiv.

He gets HIV, yeah. And he gives it to Tom Hanks in the movie Philadelphia. That's right. That's why he dies. That is part two. Right. So, you know, Tom Hanks, right, he dies from HIV. Hey, of course.

But he got it from Rocky Balboa. And here's a little behind the scenes. But it's like intergalactic AIDS. But they don't really mention it in Philadelphia. It's space AIDS. Space AIDS, yeah. And he ended up giving it to Charlie Sheen, but in real life. Can I see a Rocky Balboa?

The picture of him? Yeah. I'm sure you can find it. Yeah, find a Rocky Balboa picture. Find the Rocky Balboa picture. Yeah. There he is. There he is.

There he is. Look, you can see the right side is white and the left side is obviously more dark. See that arm right there? Yeah. Yeah. That arm gets ripped off. No. This is right here, the prosthetic.

Right. It's all fake. It's all fake. So, on the left side, you can tell that he's black. On the left, you can tell he's white. On the right. See how... The shading?

So, the right side is dark. The left side is white, and that's actually the beginning of the movie where he sings Eboni and Ivory. That's it. Yeah. So, it goes... Eboni and Ivory. That's it.

Yeah, that's it. That's it. So, you should watch those movies. That's why you like... So good. You should watch some of these older movies. Who killed at the Brea improv, by the way? Oh, my God.

Rudi. You destroyed. So, she... Did she... Honestly. Yeah, she killed. Did she not kill? She killed.

Yeah. The crowd went... Ape shit. Ape shit. People don't... For people that don't know, me and Bob did a little Tuesday night. It's Bobby Lee and friends. We did a Tuesday night at the...

At Brea, and Bob brought me down, and we, you know, last week's show, we did the script for Rudi, and man... Let me just put it in context. Can we see it? No, no, no, don't put it... Don't do it yet. Okay. Let's just put everything in the context, though.

Okay. Okay. Sold out. That's not what I'm gonna say, but it is. Sold out. It was. All Mexican and whites. Again, no blacks at this show.

Three. We counted three. And there are a lot of Asians. There's a good amount of Asians there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but no black people, which I love. So... For you, because you don't get any black fans.

You know... You don't. They don't like you. Do you want to make me angry or...? No, no, no, of course not. Yeah. Set it up. Because I'm just...

No, I have to address that. Okay. Don't roll your eyes. I didn't. When you roll your eyes, it's so gross. Okay. When I play Michigan or Cleveland, they come out. Black people?

Yeah. Okay. Take a picture. I will. Take a picture with all your black fans. Yeah. And upload it. And then, you know, let's make a contest to see how many more black fans I have than

you. Fine. Okay. Fine. So, let's put this in the context. I'm just gonna be positive today. And I looked in the mirror today when I woke up and I was just like... I'm good enough?

I'm smart enough? No, I wasn't doing that. I was like, don't get angry. Don't get angry. Every time I said I got more angry, but my point is, let's put this in the context. Give the context. So, the night before, she couldn't sleep. Oh, yeah.

And for 24 hours, probably even 48 hours, she was just like doing every kind of angle in terms of convincing me not to go up. And I was just basically saying, all you have to do is introduce us, and I'm getting her ready for... And if you think that we're bullying her to do it, no, because we have a gig in... Cancun. November. Yeah.

And it's in front of a live audience. She's gotta be there. And I want her to be used to an audience. Yeah. Right? So, it's like... And we're not humiliating her. And also, I was gonna put her up on stage just on her own, but I didn't do that.

I was on stage with her. Yeah, you were up there with her. It was nice. She'd make it safe. Right? So, play it. Killed it. Let's see it.

One of you guys, give her the love, right, that she deserves, Roger O'Poss from Rooney, everybody! They're chanting, Rooney, Rooney. Pause it, pause it. The quality of this is just... It's just... I mean... What did we shoot this through?

Spielberg directed it. He did? It's so good. Wow. All right. Yeah. So, we wrote an intro for Andrew, so I'm gonna sit over here on the stool just to see if that one's gonna be okay.

All right? I look forward to talking to Mike. Mike, I've rude everybody! Rooney! Pause it. What are you thinking right here, Rudy? What's going on in your head right now? The crowd...

There's 500 people going, Rooney! What are you thinking? I was farting a lot before, so I thought I was gonna poo. Okay. Can I just... I thought I was gonna poo? What's up with you, man? You're great.

You're great. But here's what she did. That was clever. What? When I get scared, my stomach starts to... You know, Bobby and I can both tell you, as comics, sometimes before shows, I used to poop. I used to poop before shows.

Oh, yeah. Because I get the butterflies. I get butterflies. Yeah. I got butterflies that night. Did you? Oh, yeah. So what?

You got to poop, but you didn't. No. But she did a thing that was so funny, and she didn't mean to do it, but she did a thing when she walked onto the stage as if she had been living in a cave for 50 years. So she was doing... You know what I mean? She walked up like, what is this place? The place just came on.

It came on. It was a really funny, like... It almost made the audience feel like, oh, yeah, she doesn't give a fuck. This is great. Yes, well. Yeah. Did you give a fuck? You didn't look nervous.

You looked like I don't give a fuck. She looked like she didn't care. All right, let's see. Hello. Push, watch, push, watch. Crush. Crush. Hello.

You can say hello. Crush. And get a laugh. I mean... There's something special going on. Crush. Crush. Crush.

Crush. Crush. It's something special going on. She went up. Hello. Yeah. Well, it was like that same thing where it's like, when people get captured and they get blacked out and then they wake up in a forest tied to a tree, that's the hello that you

do. Hello. Hello? Who did this? Yeah, amazing. All right, good. Let's see what's next. Okay, did the lobbying and shred enforce me to do this?

Pause. Let's not use force ever again. Yeah. force you to do this. To do anything. We're not forced you to be here. No, you enjoy it, partially. Yeah.

And you wanted to do it, so okay, let's see the rest. But they wrote the script, so I'm just gonna read it. Yeah. Yeah. Already getting a round of applause. A round of applause for Chad? She doesn't know the name. She doesn't know the name.

You know the name, you know the name, but you made it seem like you're so indifferent that you didn't, and that's clever. Yeah, that was funny. Chad? Yeah, you knew it, Chad. What was the other guy's name? Chad and who?

There was TJ? Yeah, you see, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the other guy. Who's the other guy? JT, his name was JT. That's, let her have it. Okay.

Oh. It's fine, it's a same thing. Yeah, who's the other guy's name? The tall or white guy? I forgot. Strider. Strider, remember? Tall white guy, he kind of looks like that.

Yeah, name everyone in the room in there. So who performed? Eleanor. Eleanor, what? Eleanor. Eleanor. Eleanor Kerrigan. Eleanor, Eleanor.

Eleanor, yeah, who else? Annie. Yeah, Annie, yeah. You and Tito Andrew. Correct, yeah, that's correct. Chad. Yeah. JT.

Yeah. And then I forgot, I can't. We literally just said it. You said it again. Spreader. Spreader. Spreader was up there. Spreader killed.

In a play. Are you guys having a good time? This guy knows what I'm talking about. Okay, push pause. Push pause. That joke, murdered. This guy knows what I'm talking about. Because they know they get that when she had a right,

she read it off the thing. I know. That's why. I think that if we do this, just hear me out. Even if we wrote her a set. Oh. It would crush. If she had re-read it off the paper.

Just like you did. Just like you did. Look at her panicking already, right? Just do it. Yes, just do it. So here we go. Let's play the whole thing now. Okay.

Okay. What do you do for a living? No. Nice. Okay. You guys ready for more shows? Yeah. I can't hear you.

Yeah. Why don't you guys stand up and make some noise? Let's do a wave. What? I'm giggling. I'm going crazy. Jesus Christ. Okay.

I have to divide the rope. The right side has to say bad. And the left side has to say friends. Okay. Bad friends. Bad friends. What? Come on.

It gives me the utmost pleasure to bring the next comment coming to the stage, he is arguably the better and the nicer Tito. Tito has you. All right. I mean. Okay, there was a rewrite? She did a rewrite, she did her own rewrite.

I have a feeling that you were in the room. Did I do the rewrite for you or do you did it? I did it. See, I told you. Okay. I didn't have anything to do with that. Good rewrite. So.

How'd you, now, right when you're getting off the stage, it'd be honest with me. Yeah, give us our feeling. Your feeling. Your real feeling. I was relieved and I had a headache and I just wanted to go home. Really appreciates it.

Really was sitting in the moment. But he. I was relieved I had a headache. I wanted to go home. But what drives me crazy and bothers me about that statement, I swear to God, that's not entirely true. Well, yeah.

Why, was she lying? No, because she can't get her to admit herself to admit the actual feeling that she got from it. Yes, it's relief. When she says relief, there's other feelings in there. Right. Right, that's in that little box that you have to kind of separate.

Yes, there is relief that you did it, but there's another thing, right? Cause it went over way better than you thought it was going to. Is that true? I was kind of happy that I did it. No, but did it go better than you thought it was going to go?

Yeah, I thought no one. Right, so when you're getting laughs and those reactions, right? That must have been a surprise to you in the moment. And I know, cause Andrew and I have been doing this for many, many years, right? We know what that feeling is. It's like telling a heroin addict

and you feel like a kid that's never done heroin. Do you feel it? No, it's like, you know you feel it because we do it. Yeah, you do feel it. Yeah. You didn't feel something special inside of you? A little. Why didn't you see that then?

It doesn't matter. It does matter. It does matter. Yeah, that's so funny though, she's right. Cause it's fleeting, cause you didn't buy into the feeling cause you know it was only temporary. She's way ahead of her years. But that's not it.

Mentally. I disagree. I absolutely disagree, yeah. What is it? Because I know, and this is, I have to believe that this is a universal human feeling is that I know that when I do something great, like either I do a good scene in a show

or I have a great set or something that that feeling is residual. It's like a residual feeling. It lasts for days. You might not know it, right? But you'll lay in bed and you'll glimpse back, right? And you'll think about certain moments and that gives you endorphins that makes you,

it makes you feel good. Yeah, no, it does. So you can't tell me that you haven't had those moments. I had. Yeah. So can we go back to how you were feeling then? No. Okay.

Bad or help. Andrew, is there something interfering with your happiness or preventing you from achieving your goals? Yes. Good. Because I have the solution for you, bad or help. Me and Kalyla, my girlfriend and I used better help during the pandemic.

We still use it today. And it really is the best thing for, it was the best thing for our relationship. It's not a crisis line. It's not self-help. It's professional counseling done securely online. And you can start communicating in under 48 hours. Better help will assess your knees and match you

with your own licensed professional therapist, Andrew. That's pretty incredible. And for clients worldwide, you guys, you can use this from any part of your home or wherever you are all over the globe, which I think is great. They're committed to facilitating great therapeutic matches.

They make it easy to change counselors. So you can switch. You can go to somebody else. Bob and I both believe in this. I think it's really wonderful that people are getting mental help. Jules used it. Jules used it.

Yeah, Jules is using it. We're all doing our best in trying to get through tough times. And I think speaking to someone really does help. So if you're in need of finding yourself some help, I do think better help is a wonderful resource to do from the comfort of your own home. Oh, yeah, yeah. Better help wants you to start living a happier life today.

Visit betterhelp.com slash badfriends. That's H-E-L-P. Enjoying the over 1 million people who have taken charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional. In fact, so many people have been using better help. They're recruiting and additional counselors in all 50 states. So this podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp.

We're a big proponent of mental health. And this podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp. And Bad Friends listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash badfriends. That's betterhelp.com slash badfriends. Door dash. When I was in Hawaii shooting Magnum during the pandemic, the only food service delivery option that I went to

was Door Dash because they were the most efficient, they were the quickest, and they have the nicest people doing it. I think the app is very easy to use. That's what I really like about it. Sometimes now they're getting too complicated. Door Dash has everything. Not just food now, you can get like deodorant,

toothpaste or like they can run basically anything to you. You can just get, you can get food, but you can get more now. If you want Chinese, you want pizza. Love it. If you're craving some fro-yo, there's nothing, there's something for everyone on Door Dash. That's right, they connect you with the restaurants

you love right now, right now, right to your door. You can get grocery essentials with Door Dash, like we said, snacks and drinks and everything. And items are gonna be delivered in under an hour. It's very easy. Open the Door Dash app and choose what you want. With over 300,000 partners in the US, Puerto Rico, Canada and Australia,

you can support your neighborhood go-tos or choose from your favorite national restaurants like Popeyes, Chipotle and Cheesecake Factory. For a limited time, our listeners can get 25% off and zero delivery fees on their first order of $15 or more when you download the Door Dash app and enter our code BADFRIENDS2021. 25% off, that's 25% off up to a $10 value

and zero delivery fees on your first order when you download that Door Dash app in the app store and enter the code BADFRIENDS2021. Don't forget that's code BADFRIENDS2021 for 25% off your first order with Door Dash, subject to change, terms apply. Anchor. Anchor. If you haven't heard about anchor.

It's the easiest way to make a podcast. It's the easiest way to make a podcast. Let me explain. Oh, please. It's free. Awesome, that's cool. These are, there are creation tools that allow you to record and edit your podcast

right from your phone or your computer. You do it from your phone like on the go. Oh my God. That's cool. That and on the bus or the subway you can do it. That's cool. Anchor will distribute your podcast for you so it can be heard on Spotify, Apple Podcast

and many, many, many, many, many, many more. Many, many more. Go ahead. You can make money from your podcast too. No minimum listenership. How about that? You can make money with no minimum listenership. It's everything you need to make a podcast

all in one place. Where do we have to go, Bob? Download the free Anchor app or go to anchor.fm to get started. Oh, is this post show? What is this? Oh, there was a little post show. Good job.

Nice, good job. Good job. Good job. Thank you. Good job. Look at that moment. Come on. Kill it.

Thank you so much tonight. You killed it. You killed it. You killed it. Look at how happy you are. Oh my gosh. What are you doing? Oh, look, I'm crying.

I'm scared. Yeah, I don't know. Does it feel like a relief or is this good? Are you pressing charges? Pause it. There's so much happiness in your face right there. Yeah. The amount of joy is incredible.

Kalyla was crying. What are you doing? What is that? Because I remember a moment. Let it out. No. Now when you look at me, it kind of stopped. All right, go ahead.

But there was a moment where, so I get off stage, right? And I see Kalyla running, right? Running toward the green room because she was in the audience, right? And I remember looking at her and I don't know what came over of me, but I did a move. I went like this. What is that?

Success? Yeah! Like that, right? I felt it. And she kind of did a hop. She hopped? Yeah. At the same time, I go, yeah, and she does a hop, right?

And I go, yeah, I'm just yelling yeah, right? I was so like... Are you getting teary-eyed? I was, yeah. But now when you look at me, it just, you have a way about you. But it just sucks it away. I get angry when I look at you.

So I love you. Okay, but why? I was trying to share the moment with you. You missed that. What were you doing right now? You started that. What were you doing right now? I was being nice.

I was being nice. I know. I know what you said. Don't look at me when I get emotional. Okay, fine. It takes me out of it. Well, that's a you thing. That's a you thing.

Stop doing that. Fine, go, be emotional. I'm not. I'm done with that. No, I'm done with that. But be emotional. I'm done with being emotional, but my point is is that there was a sense

of relief for myself too, because it could have gone the other way and it could have been traumatic for her. Right. Stop doing that. I'm done. Well, I don't want to look at you now. I have no feelings.

So look at me again. God. This is kind of nice. Doing the show like this is great. Yeah. Hey, Bob. Did you feel proud? Honestly, I really did.

I thought it was one of those things where I knew you were going to do great, just because I think, you know, sometimes things line up. Right. But the next time she does it, it's going to be a disaster. Yeah.

That's what you have to do it a second time. No. Yeah, you're going to eat shit. Yeah, you have to experience heaven and hell. Yeah, otherwise it doesn't exist. Yeah. How do you know if one is good, if you don't know what's bad?

Yeah, you have to know. Let me say something. If you had had a bomb before that, that would have been 10 times more, you know. It would have felt, oh my God. It would have felt so amazing. Imagine her bombing in Cancun. Oh, she will.

That's going to be funny. When would she make her do 15 minutes of stand-up? She's going to bomb. No, not 15 minutes. Sadly, yeah. That's what the contract said. It said 15 minutes. It literally said, Bob and I have to do an hour together

and you have to do 15 minutes to open the show. Yeah. One minute. No, this is a negotiation. Your contract, it was with the fucking festival. Imagine that, like if she's held hostage. I know. And they're like, give us $100,000 and she's like, one dollar.

That's her negotiating just one dollar. Or like, you know how sometimes you're hostage and they make, they film something, right? She says, you have to film this. You have to plead for your life, right? She goes, help me. Do you want to get let out of here? Do you want to have someone come save you?

Yeah. Go, tell people to come help you. Take a lie, help me. That's it. She's going to be dead in that. They're killing you right away. They go, this kid's worthless. Yeah.

But I have something else I want to talk to you about. Okay. I think I saw a great show last night and I saw the first season last night. What? You're not going to like it. What is it called? Manifest.

Manifest? What is that about? It's some bullshit ABC or CBS. Why is it bullshit? Because it's like lost. Oh, yeah, no, I can't. This is it? Yeah, it's like lost.

So it's basically what the, here's the premise. Can I tell you the premise? A lot of white people. Yeah. There are some black people. A lot of whites for NBC. Yeah, it's a lot of white. Zoom in on there.

Is there NBC? Is there any browns? There are, I think the wife is a Greek. That doesn't count, dude. Greek is close to white. Oh, there's an Indian girl. The far, the far left right there is an Indian girl. I know, but they just make it look like she's not.

Right. Like this poster from far away. Are all those people white? Yeah. I remember seeing that poster on like Sunset Boulevard going another white show. But I watched it. I watched the full season.

It's good, huh? No, it's not. No, it's bad. But the premise is this. Okay. Can I tell you the premise? I'm listening. Well, the reason why I watched it

because I was on Netflix last night, yesterday I was like, that's trending. I don't know how that works. This was trending? Yeah. Like top 10. Yeah. So I gotta see the first up pilot.

So this is the premise. This family. So this is what, okay. There's a family in Jamaica. Not, they're not Jamaican. This family's in Jamaica? No, yeah. They're on vacation in Jamaica.

Okay. Jamaica, man. So it's the central two leads is a brother and sister. They're adults. Right. The brother has twins and his sister is single, but she's a cop, right? And they're with their elderly parents.

And so they're at the airport and the announcement goes, you know how we're overbooked, right? So anyone wants to take a later flight will give you a $400 coupon. Right. When that happens at the airport, I've never seen anybody go, me. Never once.

Never once. Never once. Never once, right? I need to get to where I'm going. I don't get, you'd have to give me 40 grand. Let's be honest. Yeah. How much, what is the lowest you'd take?

I mean, I don't want it to sound like a dick, but the lowest I would take, if there was like- Well, here's the other problem. If there were kids with cancer- You don't need to be there. Where are you're going? You're going a day early already anyway. Yeah.

So you could actually get there tomorrow morning or later at the night flight. Well, the flight attendant or whoever the person is would have to come up to me and go, listen. There's a kid that needs, there's three kids that need kidney surgery. Three of them. That sounds like so many people that need kidney surgery.

I know, but then, yeah. All three of them are here. There's three kids that need kidney surgery. Okay. And the flight attendant's book, can you please, we'll give you four grand. Oh. Four grand.

Yeah. And you know, no voucher. I don't even know what voucher means. Cash. Now. And you do four grand cash. Four grand, yeah, in cash. Yeah, if I have to wait,

the most I'll wait is five hours. What if it's tomorrow morning? Well, you gotta get me a nice hotel room. Tonight. Tonight. Like a four seasons. Okay. Four grand in cash.

Okay. All right. What's so funny? No. Is that too much? No, I mean, it's, you know. I'm not a four season, how about just a nice hotel. I don't want to be in a Holiday Inn.

Well, that's all we have, sir. I'll do it. Okay, perfect. So we'll give you 4,000 in cash. Yes, I'll take the Holiday Inn. Okay. So we're going to tell the families now. Sir, this nice Oriental man has decided

to give up his seats for you. Five grand, you called me Oriental. What? You can't see, I'll, come on. Sir. Four grand is fine. I'll take the Holiday Inn. Go ahead.

So kids, we're going to get you those kidneys that you need because this nice yellow man over here has decided to give you. I'm sorry, you work for American Airlines? I do. I am one of the top people here. I've been at the desk for 37 years. Yellow and also Oriental.

No, I don't believe I said that, but. Well, I'm filming, so. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Okay, guys. The Wing-Wang-Wang over here is going to give up his seat for you.

Right there already, I'm making 40, 50 grand because of this. Really? Yeah, I got sued this bitch. I'll sue every American Airlines. This is crazy. Yeah. Yeah, you're not allowed to be me.

Can I just finish the manifest fucking premise? I don't know if people care about manifest. I want to just talk about it. All right, give it up. Go ahead and talk about it. Do you want to do that? Go ahead. I'm in the thing now.

I want to know. I do want to know. All right. I'm just going to give you the purpose to see if you like it. I know what is it. Tell me. All right.

Okay. So there's an announcement saying that anyone who takes this voucher, so the brother and sister, right, I will take it because, you know, the brother, one of his kids has cancer. It's like it'll help, you know, anything will help, right? So the brother and sister and the kid with cancer stay. The rest of the family leave.

They take a later flight. On the later flight, right? They're flying. There's turbulence. There's a kind of a blackout. The plane is shaking. They go down, right? And they think they're going to die,

but all of a sudden they, you know. They level out. They level out. The power comes back on. They just cut back and they go, sorry about the, you know, that was crazy, but. And then so they're approaching JFK or whatever. Let me guess.

What? Yeah, I guess this is what I want. They time traveled. Yeah. Is that right? Yeah. Seriously? Yeah.

In the past or the future? Well, that's what you have to guess. I think everything's going retro now. So the past, they go back to the past. No. Oh, they went future. Well, I mean, they have a kid that has cancer. They're going to go in the past, what?

In the 1700s. Funny. The kid's going to fucking dead. There's no chemo back then. Funny. It is funnier. Very funny. It's funnier.

To put him back then. It is funny. Because they kill you on the spot. They go, he's sick. Kill him. Yeah. Yeah. All right, so they go in the future.

How long in the future? 100 years. Five years. Five is a little bit short. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was hoping. Five years, five years. Okay, five years.

Because the people. I know, they don't want to change the wardrobe. They don't want to do that. That's not what I meant. It's just that the people that flew ahead of them, they still need to be in the show. What are they, fucking, a thousand years old now? Yeah, that's funny.

Because the kid, the kid with cancer has a sister who's a twin. She's now, right, she flew before him, right? So now the kid is still eight with cancer. And his sister, who was a twin, is now 12 or, I don't know, whatever, right? Well, eight, five years? 13 or whatever, right?

So it's like, what? No, I danced it in my head too. Right, right, yes. I literally went eight months. So that's the premise of the show. I like that. Yeah. Five years in the future?

Five and a half years. But the kid with cancer is. But now, technology now. Is advanced. Is advanced. So the procedure that they didn't exist five and a half years ago. Well, the Indian girl is the actual person that created it.

And she's on the flight with them. She's on the flight too, right? So she's, right before the turbulence, she's emailing the doctor or whatever she works with and saying that I found a thing, you know what I mean? Oh, she found the cure. Yeah, or yeah. So five years in the future?

Yeah. And this kid's cured of cancer? Not yet. I mean, I'm only the first season he's not cured yet. Imagine if he dies at the end of the first season. I love it. All that for nothing. Yeah, I'd love it.

What he should do is he just get back on a bunch of planes, keep taking planes and keep time skipping until they're 30, 40 years in the future. Then he's definitely gonna live through. Yeah, but no, it was a one thing anomaly. One time deal. One time anomaly. But let's come up with something, turbulence.

Like that. Like that, but what happens? Instead of going in the path. How many of what happened? You and I are on a flight in the middle of the night. We're going to Cancun. Oh yeah, let's talk about that. So what is Omen?

Us three on the flight. Cancun, we're flying. And she's nervous, so she's got a poo, okay? Right. Rudy goes in the bathroom. Just like in Lost, Dominic Monaghan is shooting heroin in the bathroom. In the bathroom.

We need a reason for it. Can she be shooting heroin? Sure, poo or heroin, either one. She could be pooing, doing heroin. No, but she's Filipino, so she's smoking like ice. Oh, she's smoking meth. Meth, like smoking, yeah, ice. Yeah, she's, oh, that's what meth, ice is meth.

Well, in Hawaii, they call it ice. They call it ice, yeah. Yeah, that's right. So you're smoking meth. Ice bra. And then like, there's a scene where you're sitting there and you have all that stuff out. And then there's a no smoking sign, right?

And she does something rebellious, like. She spits on it. Yeah. Yeah, right on the no smoking sign. A close up of the sign, and it's just a chogi. Just coming down. Wobbles down. And then she, because the network TV,

probably the show that we're doing. This is network. Yeah, yeah. This is on NBC. You can just see the smoke. You don't really see you doing the ice. Well, you see her go, and then light the lighter, and then as she goes to like smoke it,

it pans up to the no smoking. Right, with the, very good. The spit that comes down. You want to direct it? I would love to. Yeah, yeah. So then, we know she's smoking meth in the bathroom. Right.

You, of course, are. In first class. In first class. I am. Coach. Coach. Middle seat. Middle seat between two, two conjoined twins.

Twins. What? They're conjoined at the head. So their heads are above me. I didn't know. I'm below their heads. That's good writing. Have you ever seen the two girls

that their heads are joined? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know those two girls? Look up the two girls. I can't, I can't. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. For reference. Wait, wait, no, hold on.

For reference. But for reference. Wait, this is for the show. We're making our show. This is our manifest. I don't know what we're doing. Do the ones where they're grown. The teenager ones.

The teenager ones. Where they drive. They drive together. They date. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, they're at the body. Yeah, they're at the body, dude. They're not at the head.

Oh, why don't I think they were at the head? So it's two heads, one body. How about this? That's funny. There's a great song. We have one on one end. She's with the two heads. So you could do a bit where it's like, you could do a bit where one of the head is coming

into your space. Right. Asking me for asking me, can I have some of that sanitizer? Right. So you do a comedy thing where you kind of do a yawn, and you're trying to push one of the heads towards their space, yeah. And her head knocks against her sister's head. And the other one on the other side is somebody without a head.

Oh, good. Right. Somebody. No, no, no. Maybe their head didn't develop. It's down here. Maybe it's down here on the shoulder. Yeah, shoulder head.

Right. So it's almost as like, you do a joke like, you know, I wish I could just. Can I just, I just want to swap a swap. Right. Something like that, you know what I mean? Shoulder head. Shoulder head. Okay.

So that's where I am. And I'm in the middle of the seat. Right. But I'm scrunched up and I just, it's southwest. I think it's funnier if I was there. You are there. No, you have to be in first class. You're on your way.

I'm in coach. You're on your way back. Let's get there. You're in first class. I'm in first class. You're hanging out. What happens? Your iPad dies.

Shit. You don't have a charger. Charger at all. Right. So you go, Santino's got one. Yeah. But you don't have chargers in coach. I have one in my bag for when we land.

Yeah. Yeah. Why can I, because you're trying to swap seats. You come back and go. But why can I just, because this is in writing, right? Yeah. You don't have the charger and just, I'll just grab it and I'll bring it back. No.

You say, hey, can I have your charger? My iPad died. And I say, well, you have to sit in this seat. Right. And then there's a bit where I look at both of them. Right. And I have to think. And me and you both go, I know, I wish you could, like we both get it.

Right. We both get it. Right. We have a little laugh. Right. And then you switch seats with me. Right. Yeah.

Now on my way to first class, right, I close the curtain and I say goodbye to you. I give you a little wink of doodle. I got a good one. What? Yeah. When we land. Yeah. Right.

I'm, I've proposed to one of them. Like literally. Shoulder head. Yeah. Or double down. No. Even the one on the other side. There's two heads.

Right. The one at the window. I've somehow developed a relationship. Oh, neck head. But this one right here hates me. Okay. Okay. I get that.

I get that. But we're getting engaged. So you're getting engaged to the one on the right. Oh, to one of the double downs. Yes. Okay. Double down. Yeah.

So the double down. I'm going to get in trouble for this. Why? It's a movie. Yeah. This is a movie. It's a TV show. First of all.

Yeah. This is our show on NBC. So here's the deal. You proposed to the double down on the right. Yeah. Right. Yeah. I'm in first class.

Yeah. You, you get up because you need to find Rudy Jules. Right. But then could, could I just say this though? Yeah. I would just throw something else in. Yeah. When I'm coming to get the charger and you go, let's exchange.

Right. You know, maybe I do it because there's something even worse in first class. That's sitting next to you. That's next to me on first class. What is it? It's either like Eric Griffin. So dig. So dig.

So mean. Upstart. Hey Andrew, if you're carrying a credit card balance month after month, it can feel like you're in a never ending cycle of debt. Upstart can help you make the, that final payment so you can get ahead my friend. Listen, man, I was in debt by the beginning of my comedy career for years and years and years. You had credit card debt like crazy, man.

Oh my God. I was paying off everything as best as I could. But Upstart is, I wish this was around then. It's the fast and easy way to pay off your credit card debt with a personal loan all done online. Look at this. Look at this. So many Americans experienced financial hardship in the last year.

Upstart can help you regain your footing and get things back on track. And unlike other lenders, Upstart considers your income and current employment find you a smarter way for your loan. Five minute online rate check. You can see your rate upfront for loans between 1,000 to $50,000. You can receive funds as fast as one business day after accepting your loan. That's really quick. So if you're in a little bit of credit card debt, we know times are tough for people

right now, but don't freak out. Don't lose sleep. Don't have night sweats. You can find out how Upstart can lower your monthly payments today when you go to Upstart.com slash Bad Friends. That's Upstart.com slash Bad Friends. Don't forget to use our URL to let them know we sent you. Loan amounts are going to be determined based on your credit income and certain other information

provided in your loan application. Go to Upstart.com slash Bad Friends. Bluetooth. Oh my God. My pee-pee good. Yeah. Camping season. Summertime.

Pitch intense. It's going to help you out. Bluetooth is a unique online service that delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra and Cialis, but intuable tablets and at a fraction of the cost. Yeah. Take them any time day or night. You can plan ahead for that love-making session or be ready whenever an opportunity arises. You just sign up at Bluetooth.com, consult with one of their licensed medical providers.

Once you're approved, you're going to receive prescription within days to your front door. The best part, though, is it's all done online, so no visits to the doctor's office, no awkward conversations, and no waiting in line at the pharmacy. Yeah, that's right. Bluetooth men everywhere are excited to see that postal package come to the front door on your ring because you know your package has arrived for your package, okay? Yeah. Your impressions are good if you want to last like Bobo does.

Go ahead and get some Bluetooth. Women say there's nothing sexier than confidence, and this is going to give you some confidence. Guys, I've tried this product myself. It really does work, so you got to check it out. If you benefit from extra confidence in the bedroom when it's time to perform, Bluetooth can help. This stuff is phenomenal. Get some blood flow down to the basement.

We got a special deal for our listeners. So if you could benefit from extra confidence when it's time to perform, Bluetooth can help. We got a special deal for our listeners. Try Bluetooth free when you use our promo code BADFRIENDS at checkout. Just pay $5 for shipping. That's Bluetooth.com promo code BADFRIENDS to receive your first month free. Visit Bluetooth.com for more details and important safety information, and we thank Bluetooth for sponsoring the podcast.

Yeah, we do. No, no, who else? Who is somebody that? No, it's a kind of person. It's a kind of person, yeah. Right. Somebody that's going to Houston, right, to be on 600-pounder life. So, so you've got a 600-pounder human being next to you.

Yeah. And they're falling into your seat. They're folding into your seat. They're melting into the seat. Melting into your seat. Yeah. So you have to sit there. Oh, yeah.

Right? So I'm with the, you know what I mean, double down? What do you call it? Double downs. I'm with the double downs and the no-down. You're the double down and the no-neck. No-neck. And the head neck.

Sorry, and the head shoulder head. Yeah. Shoulder head. Maybe it's a funny thing about like, you know, going, so have you guys, have you guys flown this airline before and then they go, yeah, we have, have, anyway. Like, oh, was it like, I turned, right? I know that she's not going to respond because she had the head. Right.

So it could be like a little comedy. I like that. I like that. Yeah, yeah, I like that. Okay. So she's got to get to the bathroom. She's been smoking meth for quite a while. Yeah.

So what's going on with her? She hits her meth. She hits her rock. Yeah. I mean, it could be a funny moment. Check this out. What? She comes out of the bathroom.

She opens the door. Yeah. And nobody's in the plane. It's totally empty. We're here, we're Rudy's POV. She's ripped up on meth and she opens up and every seat is empty. Oh. Check this out.

Yeah. The door of the plane is open. Yeah. Logic ensues. Yeah. Cabin pressure would be gone. How am I still breathing? How am I still alive?

Right. Man, this meth must be really good. Yeah. Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. But she walks around for a second to look into the seats and then she freaks out so she runs back into the bathroom, closes the door.

Yeah. Right? And is like, come on. Chill out. You don't chill out. Yeah, yeah. This is just you, you're doing this to yourself. You're doing this to yourself.

You're doing this to yourself. Smoking the ice, smoking the ice puts her in a different dimension. Correct. Or a plane. Correct. Right. So every, she can visit this plane in dimension. Yeah.

Every time she smokes ice. But watching it just as a viewer, I'm watching it's like, she's just on drugs. Like, you know what I mean? That's what she's seeing. But it's pain medication. What? We, we, we, we insert a part of the story where because of her face and stuff and her, and who she is.

Yeah. And something's wrong with her. When you look at her, something's wrong with her, and she needs the ice to survive. So people that are judging, like, she's doing drugs, like, no, she needs it for medication. Ice. Ice. Ice. She needs ice.

Crystal meth. Vocable crystal meth. Right. As a medication. So check this out. What? This is Rudy's POV. Yeah.

This is actually Rudy's show. People don't know this. Rudy goes back in the bathroom. Smokes rock again. Yeah. Now when she opens the airplane door, she's somewhere completely different. Where? You tell me, kid.

Right. And so it's called Rudy's ice. Rudy's ice. That's the name of the show. That's what it's called. Rudy's ice. So. So when she goes back into different dimensions, she has to solve some of the issues, right?

Like, she has to go back into the plane where we were because a terrorist tried to take over the plane. The guy who was sitting next to me, 600-pound life, he was actually going to take over the plane. That's what's really going on. Yeah. He's like, I'm taking over the airplane. Right.

Right. And he goes up to the, you know, he holds one of the flight attendants hostage, so Rudy now has to get back to that flight. She has to save everyone's life. It's like, you know what it's like? Yeah. You know what it's like? What?

My name is Earl. You know, he has to go fix all of his problems from his past. Yeah. But it's my name is, it's my name is Rudy. I think it's Rudy's ice. It's Rudy's ice. Which has to save people's lives. First of all, I just want to say that you're making it wait.

First of all, I don't like the fact that it's her show. It's her show. No, I don't like the fact that it's her show. Why not? Because you're throwing out this, listen. I like the idea. Yeah. I like the idea, right?

Rudy's ice. That's a great, we keep that as the title. Do you like the show, Rudy's ice, right? I love Rudy's ice. Here's what I don't like. It's almost as if we establish these great relationships with the double head. We'll come back. No head, right?

We'll be back. We have the 600 pound guy in the front, right? We're coming back. Right. I mean, I wish we would land and then we all have a purpose together. What is our purpose? So we land, right? Mm-hmm.

Right? That's a. Every time I land, welcome to LA. But it's not when we land, it's we don't hear welcome to guys. And we look out the window in either one of two things. One thing is we just see carriages like cowboy in the Wild West. Wild West. Yeah.

I like that. Yeah. You hear me? All that stuff, right? Or we land, right? And it's like, you know, hovercrafts and the Jetsons type of shit or I got even better. We're underwater. No, no, that's good.

That's good. But I have a fourth one. Okay. We land. We look at the window and we see everyone either in the out there, either 600 pounds or with the double heads. Oh, that's everybody. That's everybody.

Oh, man. That's everybody. So we're in the lands of the fat and the double head. Or the no head. Oh, the no heads. Right. Right. And and us three are the only ones who look like singular heads, right?

And it's sort of like a reverse racism thing where we're the outcast and we get shamed right. Right. So there's a scene where I go to like a mannequin store or whatever and I chop off a mannequin head and I put it on my shoulder just so that you could be one of them. You walk around and then like we would see where Rudy gets a fat suit. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Right. Right. Right. And then the other thing where you write, we get a shirt, right? A mechanism where the shirt ends here. So it's my mom.

My head's gone. Really tall, weird guy. You know what I mean? With no head. I love it. Yeah. I love it. This is great.

And so we're walking around town. Me with no head. Me with no head, you with the second head and Rudy's 600 pounds. But she's trying to find ice in this world. She's trying to find ice. She's jonesing. She's jonesing for ice, man. Jonesing for ice.

Yeah. We don't know the economy now. We don't know what the fuck is going through. What's money? I don't know how they trade. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is good. And then we get shamed and bullied.

It's a good message. It's like a coming of age tale that also involves crystal methamphetamine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like it. You like it? Rudy's ice. Rudy? Rudy's ice.

I think that's it. Do you like this show? Will you do this show? We have to go to... What if we pitch this? We have to go to NBC. Can you imagine us pitching this for real? We can't do it.

I swear to God we can get a meeting. We won't get it sold. So what? But we can have the meeting. Can I say something real? Oh my God. I'm not joking. Yeah.

We can somehow set up a meeting to go to NBC, pitch this show, dead serious. Yeah. Okay? Yeah. Pitch this show and film it. Oh my God. We'll blank out their faces and stuff. I understand that.

But that would, number one... Kick us out of the business forever. We may never get another pitch again. I know, but that's funny. It is funny. And number two, I think I would be laughing so hard. What if they bought it? By the way, we're not being...

Network notes. You don't remember the network notes? Okay, let's go to cable. Let's go to cable. No, rewrite the pilot, right? Okay. We send it in, right? What are the notes like?

The show can't be based on crystal math, guys. Yeah, it can't be crystal math. Can it be crack? No, they'll say, can it be like she has a pharmaceutical pill addiction? That's what they'll say. Oh, that's what they'll say. Yeah, something that... How about another thing?

More deadly, but more novel. Guys, there's not enough diversity in the show. That's the first note. Yeah, can we make the double headed guy black? Puerto Rican? Puerto Rican in there. And then we're like, well, we're trying to find a double headed, like a real person. We don't want to CGI it.

Right. You know how like in movies now... Hard to cast. We will make the double headed person black. I would do that as a writer, right? We would change that. Oh, 100%. Yeah.

Does it matter with the headless? That's the pitch. To a network... I mean, that would just... That would be an argument I would have. Does it matter? Does it matter with the headless? But they're gonna say, we're gonna see his hands.

We'd love some racial diversity. Yeah, we're gonna see that. We're gonna make the... You know what? Does it matter with the headless? Oh my God. That'd be great. So what is the headless person?

Yeah. You only see arms. Yeah, I'll just say... Yeah, the headless person, what's it put gloves on? It'll be ambiguous. But they can see your forearm. Oh, the forearm. Unless we're wearing long sleeves, the whole show.

We'll just make it yellow. So it'll be Asian. So it's an Asian guy. Yeah, we'll make the Asian. Or it'll be Asian guy. Yeah, Asian. Okay, perfect. I already cast it right now.

Oh, you already know who it is. He'd be great. He would be good as a headless man. Yeah. The fat guy. The fat guy in the seat in the front? Yeah, let me ask you this. What if...

I'm the executive. Mm-hmm. You and I really did write this. Okay. This is a note. And I want to see what you would say. Perfect. So the 600-pound guy, can he be 300?

No. No, 300 is not big. 400. Not big enough. I'm telling you, we need 600-pound. It's kind of the metric of obesity. Like the show's 600-pound live. It's very famous.

So we need a 600-pounder. Yeah, but how do... But then, as a... A crane. A crane. You need a crane. I know, but do you... Do you know anybody?

I know. Would you... Reality show. No, but would you... Get them off a reality show. No, no, no. No, we have to get a good actor. Oh, there's no 600-pound actor.

No, we make an actor eat the food. Oh, we make someone do that for the role. It's called... Yeah, it's called... You know, it's called what do you call it? A method. So Matthew McConaughey, he lost all that weight for Dallas Spires. Now he's got to gain...

Right. ...450 pounds for our show. Yeah. I think he would do it. You think so? Just him blobbing out in the seat. Yeah. Oh, you knew who would do it?

Christian Bale. Bale would do it in a heartbeat. Bale could do it like that. Well, how big was the woman that was in what's eating Gilbert Grape? She was big. 250. 250? 300.

There's literally no chance. 300. Way more. No. She had to have been 400-500 pounds. There's no way. There's no way. I'm telling you, she was.

Let's take a guess. What's eating Gilbert Grape? What's eating Gilbert... What's Gilbert's last name? You're Gilbert. Gilbert Golan. What's eating Gilbert Golan? Gilbert Grape.

Here. Her name was Darlene Cates. And by the way, we're not making fun of overweight people. But Darlene... Darlene... Darlene... Darlene... Darlene...

Darlene... Darlene... Darlene... I love that song. It's Jolene. Is it Jolene? Yeah, Jolene. Yeah, yeah.

Darlene Cates was an American actress. She was incredible in this movie. Yeah. How much did the mom weigh? Okay. That's the first question asked on Google. Yeah. 500 pounds.

Told you. Wow. Cates has been bedridden and weighs 500 pounds. Let's get her. Let's get her. She's dead. She died. I just said that.

We got to get her anyway. We still got to get her. Okay. We'll revive her then. Yeah, yeah. She died at 69. Huh. 2017.

We can't get her sadly. You know what? We should make this a movie. So not a TV show. Yeah, because all this network stuff is driving me crazy. Well, because you're going through notes right now? Yeah. So the notes and stuff, they're going to change it all.

I want it to be ice. You know what you could do though? You just say it. You just say when somebody's like, hey, here's a note. Just be like, I think that's racist. That's all you have to do is say, I think that's racist. And they'll go, oh, I didn't know. And then you're like, yeah, we don't want to do that.

What if you had nothing to do with the race? Like the note is the story there. That's the whole point. That's the whole point. You know what I mean? Ready? This is what really happened. Okay.

So I'll. They go, Bobby. They go, Bobby, check this out. So one of the network notes that I think we all kind of collectively didn't really enjoy is there's a little bit of you want to be nude in it. And you want to do a thing where you windmill your penis around and you get out of the, out of the steam room where you windmill it around. You go, we just, I don't think, we just, I don't think that's good for the show. That's racist. We'll leave it in.

I think it's a good, I think it's a good. In fact, how many should you windmill it? I think you should also. I get with that, right? Tuck it, flap it, flop it. I know. Smack it, pull it. What is something as simple as this though?

Stop it. You're the right writer. Right. So you know that scene where Jimmy, who's a white guy. Yeah. Right. And he's eating corn. You know what I mean?

Can it be carrots? That's racist. You kids. Wow. That's racist. How? What, what, what about Jimmy who needs to eat carrots? What do you mean?

Why does he need to eat carrots instead of corn? Because. Carrots have a long history of oppression of white people. No. Yes, they are. Carrots were thrown at white people for many, many years. Really? On stage. Yes.

You know that carrot farms is sponsoring. Though they're giving us money? Yeah. Oh, he'll be eating carrots all day. Okay. Okay, good. So let me go. That doesn't work then.

It's the money thing though. Ah, money trumps race. Money trumps race. I see. Rudy, do you want to do any of this stuff? She doesn't even want to participate today. Yeah, what's up? What do you think of Rudy's eyes, Rudy?

Rudy's your show. I like it. It's fun. She's on this show, isn't she? I know. Yeah. We do have the Bobby Lee's ready for a phone call as well. Oh, the band, the Bobby Lee's, want to call us.

The Bobby Lee's. We're about to get a phone call from the band, the Bobby Lee's. Because I've known about them for a couple of years, but I was like. Yeah, but let's approach it. Who is this Bobby Lee? Hello? Hello. This is Bobby Lee.

Am I talking to the Bobby Lee's? Yay. Hey. What's up? We're talking to two of us. One of us is in the bathroom and the other one is not feeling well today. What's going on? The other one in the bathroom, does he have diarrhea or something?

I don't think so. I just texted him to get it, to get back out here. We'll see. Macky, our drummer is in the bathroom. And who's sick? Nick, our guitar player is sick. He thinks he has pneumonia. Is it COVID?

It's COVID. It's the Delta variant. I bet it's the Delta variant. Is it Delta? Yeah. Is it United or Delta? Which one? So guys, guys, I've known about your band for a couple of years and I've always like.

Really? Yeah, I have. That's crazy. So who is, was there a teacher? I mean, why are you guys called the Bobby Lee's? It's kind of random. It was like a, it was an accident, I guess, that we're named that. I had written a song called Bobby Lee, which was like from our first record.

And it was, I used to have these kind of psychotic episodes where I thought I was possessed by different people and I named one of them Bobby Lee. And it was not supposed to be the band name, but then we got our first show and we didn't have a name. So I picked that very temporarily. And I did not know that there was a famous comedian named that. And then once we started playing shows, I definitely became aware of who you were because everyone asked, are you based on, Hey, Mackie's in the car.

We told him he asked if you had diarrhea. Oh yeah, totally. Why do you have diarrhea right now, bud? You know, man, put stuff in my body. It just, I don't really know, but put some in there just gets all tangled in a web of lies and deceit comes out painfully. I get it. Where do you guys live in the Midwest?

Where do you guys live? We're live. We're in Woodstock, New York. Oh, stay in New York. Yeah. Yeah, because I think I listened to it when I found about your, but I think I listened to one of your song. I really liked it.

But then I was like confused about why you guys are called the Bobby Lee's. But now that you explained it. Yeah. But I still want to hear more the demonic. So you had demonic visions of people as are you being real? Um, yeah. No, I mean, I used to have a really bad drinking issue and I would start to hallucinate. There's a thing called like alcohol schizophrenia that I didn't know about until I had it.

And I quit drinking and now I very, not very often do I think I'm. Well, can I get that? Can we get some of the like the psychology behind it? Like where does the word Bobby come? Like who's Bobby in your life and what does Lee mean to you? Like how did that happen? Do you know what I mean? I have no idea.

I was sitting in an apartment and I used to think like my radiator was talking to me. At the time. I think I shouldn't be talking. We like it because I, you know, I'm a recovering drug addict and alcoholic myself. And I relate to those psychotic breaks. I mean, I've had them myself. You know what I mean? So I think it's interesting.

And I, and I, and I believe you. Are you sober now or? Yeah, I am. Yeah. Congrats. For how long? Um, six years. Bobby's going on.

Now I only have a couple years. At 17 years, I relapsed and now I have a couple of years. Yeah. Here's what I want to do. I do you guys, I mean, I know because of COVID and the pandemic, it's probably tourings out the window. But if you guys ever play in LA at the troubadour, any of these places or space land, is that still there?

You know, give us a call and we'd love to come see you. Yeah, we would love, we would love to come. We actually start, we start touring next month and we're going to be in LA in November. I don't know what date yet or where, but we will be there. Please reach out. So we'd love to come and see you. Yeah. Do you guys, are you writing a song right now called the Andrew Santino by any chance

or no? Um, if you want us to. Write a song called Andrew Santino, please. Please make it angry and aggressive. Have you guys ever heard our show at all or no? We heard about it when someone said we were on it and we were very excited. Right. But I knew about you, Andrew.

I saw you on, um, I'm dying up here, which I thought was awesome. Oh, thanks. Yeah. Well, we like you guys. Cool. We were interested at first. We were going to, um, we were going to seek legal action. Bobby wanted to sue for the likeness of his name.

He was going to sue you guys for 50 million. That's what he said. 50 million. We've made, we've made no money yet. So we're kidding. We're kidding. No, we're kidding. We're going to see you guys in November.

Thanks so much for talking to us. We're going to be there. The Bobby Lee's baby. Thank you guys so much. Thank you for having us on. Bye. Bye guys. Bye.

Can we play that video with that woman real fast? Yeah. I want you to see this. This is funny. It's not, this whole Karen thing is annoying to me now. It's like, all right, enough. Like it's annoying. Yeah.

But also this did make me laugh because of what she does. Have you never heard of a leash in the city? Uh, really? Really? Okay. We'll wait for the police to clear it up. Go, go, go. Karen, please.

Karen, call him. Karen, get your phone down. Call the police. I'm just waiting for him to come by. And pause it. Which makes you shadow back to Karen. So he says, which country should I go back to Karen? Because apparently before the video,

she said go back to whatever country you're from. Yeah. The reason she's mad is because these people are running. This is in New York with their dog off the leash. They're like on a path of the dog off the leash. She's mad. This is, but here it is. This is very funny to me.

Go ahead. Huh? Say it. Now you can't get your tongue. Can't get my tongue? Edit it out. Go ahead. Edit.

Edit what out? Come on, puppy. Come on. Come on. Come on. Pause it. This psychopath tried to clap their dog into the street. It's your freeway.

Look. I'm not cool with it, but I was like, this woman's so fucking nuts. That's crazy. Come on, puppy. Watch her do it. On camera. Imagine if the puppy ran out there. A Mack truck runs the puppy over, right?

Look at this. What do you think would happen to her? Nothing. Nothing. She'd run away. She'd run away. But she's on tape. I know.

There was a video out of a white woman calling on a puppy on her freeway and the fucking truck ran him over. This woman would be disappeared. Her whole life would just disappear. Play it again when she goes in the street. It's not funny. Come on, puppy. Come on.

Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. I'm sorry. I hate this girl. Insane. I hate this woman.

I'm not okay with it, obviously. I have a dog. I love dogs. But it made me laugh at how insane it was because she didn't know what to do. Because they got her. And she's like, okay, I'm going to double down. She doubled down hard. I'm going to clap your dog into the street.

What do you like this woman, Rudy? No. If she does that, I would kill her. What would you do? Would you admit violence on her? You would. With knives. The boys like it.

With knives. With knives. Yeah? Honestly, be honest. If she killed Stubbs. Woof. Stubbs. Woof.

Stubbs. Even you? I would kill her for killing Stubbs. You love Stubbs. Your other dog's not as much. Yeah. Stubbs for sure. Stubbs is the best.

Oh my God. So if she stubs, you know, because Stubbs is a great dog. Phenomenal. You know what I would do? What? Look at this. You know what I would do? I would fucking...

You know what I would do? I would fucking... Yeah. I would do that thing in Game of Thrones. What? Tie her up. I would tie her up. And I would take the bucket.

A bucket, right? A wooden bucket, right? And put 15 rats in there. Tie it to her stomach. Then light this end, right? So the fucking rats dig through her stomach and eat away through her spine to escape. And while she's screaming... Fuck you!

Fuck you! My fucking dog, man. You don't fuck with my dog, man. That's so fucked. I like that, though. You're standing up for Stubbs. No, it was really good. I hate this woman.

That's what happened. I know. She would die. I would cut off slowly. I would tie her up. Little tiny bits of her head. Pieces of her body. Well, you know, if you've ever seen a video of a blade saw that's spinning fast and you

push stuff up to it, it just disappears. Oh, no. I've got something better. I've got something better. Pull pot. Pull pot. Pull pot. What did pull pot do?

So you take bamboo, right? And at the edge of the bamboo, you make spikes. Sharp. Sharp. And bamboo grows gradually. Right. Right. And he would do pull pot would tie kids to a wall.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. And put, like, spikes of bamboo. In their fingers? In their fingers. And it would just slowly grow into their bamboo. Right. But I would do that to her titties.

Okay. Okay. But she killed my dog. I get it. In that context. She guessed it. She's got it. She gets what she deserves.

Yeah, yeah. Let me tell you something. The funniest thing that happened. Stubbs was brought to the improv, to the Bray improv. Two things. One thing that really warmed my heart with Stubbs is I had my arms like this at your house. Yeah. I'm sitting on the stoop.

Yeah. And this hole in my arm right here is perfect for what? A dog. A dog head. Yeah. Stubbs walks up behind me and puts right through this hole and then leans on my hip. I almost fucking, I almost fell into, I almost, I could, if God gave me a heart attack. Yeah.

With the dog like that. Yeah. Fine. And stopped. Stubbs on my hip. Fine. The best. Fine.

The best. It warmed my soul. And I sat there and I couldn't believe it. I looked around. I was like, Stubbs, so Stubbs came to the improv and this made me laugh harder than I've ever laughed. Bobby was trying to order Stubbs food. They have a full kitchen at the improv, okay?

And Rudy says, get him some chicken, right? Get Stubbs some chicken. Bobby says, get me two chicken strips. So they get you two chicken strips. And then what do you say? Just take off the breading. You could have just ordered chicken. The whole time you could have just ordered chicken.

So they got you a bunch of chicken strips. And then he was trying to peel off the breading of the chicken. And we were like, why don't you just order grilled chicken? Breading could be pre-packaged that way, right? Like frozen. Uh-huh. Like, you know. Yeah, they're frozen for sure.

Yeah, right. So if you do McDonald's, you get chicken nuggets, right? They don't put the breading on the chicken. It's already on there, right? So I thought that the chicken strips are pre-breaded. They are. Right? Yeah.

And I didn't know that they had regular chicken. So I just got two chicken strips so I could take the breading off. You thought they didn't have regular chicken? No. Okay. Okay. How bizarre. That's not weird.

It is. It's not. Did you think they had regular chicken? No. You guys are weird. No, you're weird. Honestly. You're weird because it's like...

They have chicken sandwiches. There's chicken patties. I don't eat at comedy clubs. I don't know the menu, right? You've never eaten at a comedy club. You had a pretzel every time we've gone down there. Yeah, that's the only thing. Because I know that because I saw somebody eat, else eat it.

So I'm like, oh, they have pretzels here. You didn't look at the menu once. No. So my point is that I know every place has chicken strips. Yes. Everything. Yes. Right?

So I'm like... And chicken sandwiches. Yeah. Maybe breaded, pre-frozen. I don't know if it's grilled. Okay. Yeah. So I had to peel off the...

I think my logic is correct in this. Oh, yeah. 100%. I'm telling you, no. And you're so funny, you're trying to shame me when it comes to logic. The first thing that I would get, I would say is, do you guys have chicken breast? Yes, we do. Yeah.

Can I have some? Yeah. That's where I'd go. Yeah, but since I don't eat at comedy clubs, I don't know what the fuck they have. You've never eaten... And you didn't eat when you were coming up? You didn't eat when you were coming up with the improvs? Here's another thing.

You never ate at the improvs on the way up. Here's another thing. All right. The improvs, a lot of them are attached to an umami burger. Well, they used to be. Well, they used to be, right? Yeah. Copper blues now.

So in my head, right, I know that menu, right? They don't have a grilled chicken sandwich on that menu. A umami burger? Yeah. They have a breaded chicken sandwich. That's free breaded. So you do eat at comedy clubs. Umami burger, yeah.

And so if I want to look at that menu, there is no grilled chicken. So in my logic... All you know is umami burger. Yeah. So in my head, like, you know what I mean? Okay. So you're wrong about this. And it's so funny when you're wrong.

You get all... Yeah. Yeah, I look at you. No, you would ask for chicken breast. No, you wouldn't. Yeah, you would. No. You're so dumb.

Well, I can't even ask the boys because they don't know any better. No one would side you with the view on this. Okay, fellas. Pete, what would you ask for? Chicken breast or chicken strips and asked to peel off the breading? I'd ask if they had grilled chicken, probably. Do you have a chicken breast? And they would go...

Yeah. It's funny. A Pete who's never been to a comedy club before. Yes, he has. Pete, have you been to a comedy club? Of course. How many? Uh, through five?

Five. That's it. I've been to all of them. Now watch this. Watch this. Yeah. George. Yeah?

He's lying already. He went... He got excited. Go ahead. George, would you ask for... How would you phrase it? Would you say, do you guys have chicken? Or would you say, give me chicken...

Give me chicken strips and then in your mind you're just gonna peel off the breading. I would go with the chicken strips, probably. I knew it. Also, could I say this? Dude. That's a big of a deal. Do you know what a dingleberry is? You.

Do you know what a dingleberry is? Yeah, I do. It's like a piece of toilet paper that gets caught in your poo hairs, in your butt hairs. I thought it was a little round ball of poo that... But typically it's because toilet paper gets caught in there and stuff like that. It's poo and toilet paper and hair. It's all in your hair. A dingleberry is just the round ball of poo.

Is there's no toilet paper in it? No, yeah, usually it's because... There's no toilet paper. Yeah, residue. Residue. Residue. Anyway. But don't say toilet paper.

Toilet paper. George is your dingleberry. Chicken strips. Chicken strips are your dingleberry and will hold on to your poo hair as hard as he can, regardless, even if he knows that he would clearly ask for chicken breasts. Now ask me if George is my dingleberry. Is George your dingleberry? Yes.

But that's not necessarily why he's saying that. Yes, it is. I think it's logic. George, do you not think you're Bobby's dingleberry? No, I'm like... Kallilah's dingleberry for sure. Who are you more afraid of? Kallilah or me?

Be honest. Oh. Yeah, that'd be Kallilah. Yeah. Oh, really? She's... You're that much more scared of her? She's so pleasant.

What are you scared of? She's a Maleficent. Maleficent? Yeah. What a film. Yeah. Wait, really? Are you really scared of Kallilah?

Kallilah's Maleficent. Well, if she's angry, it actually means something. And if he's angry, what? It's a day of the week. Oh, man. Hold on. Let me put on my seatbelt. Hold on.

Let me put on my seatbelt. I don't think that's it, dude. I think that my anger, right... You know that I'm half-joking. Yeah. Right? Whereas Kallilah, it's full commitment. There's no joke or when she's angry.

You know, I could be... I yell for no reason, and I could be fake angry or trying to make a false scene, right? Whereas Kallilah is really angry when she's angry, and it's scary. When she's mad, she's actually very mad. Yeah. No, I get it. I get it. Yours is more...

You know, the chicken strip thing that you had planned to do... It's not planned. Stop for a second. It's not planned. Can I talk? It's half of my podcast, as well. Barely. All right.

It's so funny, because the chicken strip grilled chicken... It was so stupid. ...the back farting your stupid face. See? You're starting shit. And you look like a fool today, bud, and I think that... We're not cutting that out. I just want the audience to know that you're a fool.

Oh, is it? Okay. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Okay. You're much smarter than I am. Thank you. But in this specific situation, scenario, you're the dumb one.

I'm the dumb one. And you're foolish. But see, what an idiot would do is not understand the logic of asking for a chicken breast prior to asking for chicken strips. So what smart people do is... If I'm at a Mexican restaurant, I'm not gonna say, hey, do you guys have jambalaya? You're not a... The improv is in a Mexican restaurant.

You know, I'm not gonna go to, like... The improv is a fucking comedy club that has bar food, and almost every bar in the world has a chicken breast sandwich. They're trending. Some of them have a copper-blue attached to them. Some of them have a fucking mommy burger. Almost every bar has a chip. Vote below.

Guys, vote below. No, don't just vote. There's no voting below. My logic is I know for a fact that when I stop... I haven't figured out. When I go to a comedy club, they always have chicken strips, right? Yeah. I've never ordered...

First of all, it's also an item I've never ordered. I've never ordered chicken without some sort of breading. I know I can see that. Yeah. Now you go to... Because you're losing the argument, now you go to body shaming. No. You call me a fool.

And so you insulted me twice. So me insulting you is only even. You go to body shaming, so... You insulted me, you called me a fool. And so, yes, I'm gonna do that to you. Yeah, yeah. But let me show you the logic. And it might be hard for you to pick up.

And that's condescending. Check it out. Now watch. Stop. Now watch. Yeah, yeah. So here, starting point, right? Starting point.

Bobby. Bobby needs, right over here, chicken for the dog, right? Instead of going, hey, do you have chicken for the dog? Bobby stopped off at the gas station over here for cigarettes and Red Bull and went, do you guys have chicken strips? Yeah, we do. Okay, good. So now I have chicken, but also...

Okay. I need to come over here. Let's go back. Okay. Let's go back. Okay. Yeah. Hey, do you have chicken?

A to B. Let me do mine. Let me do mine. Let me do mine. Do you have chicken? Let me do mine. Let me do mine. Good.

Instead, you went over here, down here. I'll peel them off. So... No. Just do you have chicken? Then if they said no, then you... Oh, do you have chicken strips? We do.

So... That's it. All right. This is my dog, right? This is me, right? This is the waitress. Okay. That's the waitress.

Yeah. Okay. Are you making an insult about the person that served us? It's just... There's only three items on the fucking desk. But look at that. Look at that. So it's like this.

Now, this person, me, right, has 50,000 things going on. Like what? In charge of the lineup, who's going what? I'm worried about her. There's so much things going on. There's so many things going on. So why did you have to handle the chicken? Right?

So what I'm saying is, is that people are barking, Kalilah is trying to feed, right? You guys brought something out of the car that was like kind of... You didn't know if it was fresh or not. Do you remember you said that? So you went to Kalilah and go, is this fresh? I have all these things going on in my head, right? Yeah. In terms of lineup.

And I saw that the food, that dog food that you had in your hand that couldn't... So I don't know. I don't know what they have. I don't have time to look at the menu. So I go, just give me some chicken strips so we can... In my head, it's like, it's not that hard. It's not. Yeah.

And you're making a big deal out of fucking nothing. Thank you for being a bad friend. They always remake movies. I think the new training day, you should be Denzel's part. No. Oh yeah. Hey, let's remake. Dude, how funny would be training day remade, same script, but we put Jules as Denzel Washington.

How great would that be? It wouldn't make any sense. It'd be so weird, but I would love to see it. You want to do it? And Ethan Hunt. What? And Ethan Hunt. No, we got to get some of the other read, read someone ridiculous as Ethan Hunt.

Who should we get? Andreas? Yeah. Andreas. Andreas is Ethan Hunt. Yeah, yeah. I want to play the Cuba Gooding journey part. Was that, no, is that, yeah, is that, that's a movie, right?

No, that's, that's American. American gangster. American gangster. And then Cuba Gooding. I think American gangster would be another good remake we could do. Yeah. With Jules. Absolutely.

Yeah. There's just so many movies. If we, they remade it with you in it that would just change it, but made it make it better in a weird way. No. Here's another one. Jules starring in First Blood Rambo, just, just her walking down the street when Brian Dennehy, you know, he's in his cop car and looks for his through his rear view window

and sees, you know what I mean? Sees John Rambo, you know, with his green fatigues walking down the street. I think that right there would get a 20 minute laugh in the theater. Yeah. And then you're like, hey, buddy, what are you doing around here, man? You know what I mean? And just Jules lightly, well, uh, I just want to get something to eat, you know? And then that whole scene where he's, she's in the cop station and she escaped and then

her falling off the cliff and then her, her sewing herself up. And then she's like, oh, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.