Bad Friends - Ruthless Toothless & The Lollypop Kids

Episode Date: January 10, 2022

New Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com Thank you to our Sponsors:  https://betterhelp.com/badfriends & http://buyraycon.com/badfriends & https://www.doordash.com code: BADFRIENDS2022 YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriends 0:00 Podcasting From San Diego  0:57 The Reason Doc Can't Drink  9:22 Was Harry Styles In Harry Potter? 18:08 The Real Mexicans Of San Diego  25:05 Doc Has The Cutest Eyebrows   27:49 The San Diego Date That Never Happened  41:35 Rudy and Fancy Introduce The Show  45:55 The Day That Steven Brody Died  59:08 Doc Runs The Light On Stage 1:03:24 Doc's Gay Uncle's Story Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Andres Rosende & Pete Forthun This podcast episode was sponsored by Candy Crush Sponsorships: on for this episode Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Two are bad friends. They were naked with you, weren't they? My brother and I, my brother and Jeremiah got naked for you. Yes. But you know what it was? Gay? Yeah, that was gay. But your brother, he lost. He got a little bit of a losing mentality like you. He lost. He lost, bro. Lost what? And strip poker. Oh, it's strip poker. Yeah. That's what it is. Yeah, that's what it is. So, you know, it was in Jeremiah said, you know, why he did the friend thing. Why are you cheap? Let's get to the flap in the wind. Let's get the story now. Why? Why? Why aren't you? Why aren't you drunk? Why are you drunk? Oh, because I have the dentist fucked up my tooth. Tooth. Tooth. Tooth. Tooth. Tooth. Say it again.

The dentist fucked up my tooth. See? Okay, good. It's F. No, it ain't tooth. It's tooth. What are you doing? Is it one, two or two pieces? It's two pieces. It's one, two. No, one, two. I never heard of that. Two pieces. It's not a one. Two pieces is not. No, it's not. Get to the story, man. Okay. You know, why are you billed W now? Who the fuck is billed W? He started a joke. Anyway, get to the story. Anyway, so I went to the dentist and I was supposed to get a root canal and then the guys went into my mouth and he fucked up the root canal and he drilled through my- Imagine where he goes. Dude. I mean, what does he do? Yellow pages? No, what? Craigslist? How does he get his dentist? Brown pages. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's where I need. Get down to the brown pages. You get this dentist grinder hey man you're too far come through yeah yeah I don't do two pieces though I move locations off the show he fucked up your tooth how for sure his dad was really you know I like to have to go in the office to get it's like four different offices in the room you saying office offices you think like the office that's my favorite show so dope in the office alright so anyway I go there he drills in the office but he misses just real quick I'm sorry I want to remember just said don't say orifice again it's making me laugh so

he drills through the tooth yo and he goes out the side of the tooth into his fucking tooth into another tooth right what is it but then you know how like wait could just let me stop the only way to get to one of the teeth is through another tooth no he did it on accident he did on an accident I see I did it so tell him now what happens so then he takes he says okay let me see where I'm at and he puts the splints into my tooth to see to do the x-ray yeah and then he takes a fucking x-ray and the splint is going through the tooth into the next tooth I go what the fuck orthodontics school yeah yeah dentistry school yeah

dentistry school yeah never been through it but I'm pretty sure semen has nothing to do with it yeah why would he fill your tooth with semen okay we do a word play today okay oh cement oh cement no he said cement no he said semen he said see me all right anyway what did you what Rudy what did he say semen yeah semen yeah he said see how about how about this you're semen like sperm semen doc no orifices no more semen the two words maybe maybe cuz maybe because of my tooth I'm sounding like it sound a little different all right just trying to find different replacements for the words okay yeah all right so

anyway he put some plaster in there right there it is there I don't understand that yeah that makes sense now denied yeah and it got infected discount dentists yeah swallow up my jaw uh-huh and I went back in and the fucking pull my tooth he pulled it yeah yeah yeah when he touches his jaw he said it feels like sand it's all broken oh yeah cuz he well that was just something that he did before when I went in for he went back yeah yeah you gotta get a different dentist yeah yeah yeah you gonna find look at the license see if he has one does not definitely does not one dude he found him on Groupon he got him off a

group where's the tooth now if it you he has a hole in his mouth I have a hole in his jaw I think you're gonna tell me this pillow the dentist was like can I take this home to put it on my pillow yeah can you see Rudy okay give her that might we give her that mic for a minute just so she can okay hold on so he doesn't pass it doc you know that I'm missing 13 teeth right no for real yeah I could believe that kind of dumb so what yeah real added to you know what you're kind of dumb so dumb people they fall in dude you're the one that's letting dentists put semen in

your fucking teeth who are you to talk about this guy he's dude he's hyped up me down he goes and he trades on us and goes to that other dork show right then he comes in here with real added dude you know what he said you know what he said to fancy when he came into the hotel no I can't what he goes man y'all didn't get me a big enough rule that's what he said to fancy y'all didn't get me a big enough run see how this room is got a fucking patty yeah you're not a centino fucked hard oh I'm close to him no you're not man no we're near dude bro he goes y'all didn't get me a big enough room oh my god I'm god I'm special dude he was

Andre's he goes Andre's Andre's how much how much room service can we get that's what he said that's all he wants toothless toothless over there yeah so you can still drink though right nah cuz it messes with the cloud in there just drink it oh who cares yeah drink it Bobby lost 13 teeth he's fine yeah you never heard that are you are you serious you lost 13 yeah okay bro right stick over here nah cuz you don't fucking be I'm not okay come on over there but if you get it fucking violent I'm gonna get violent see how this is gonna touch you bro this isn't gonna work you can't go the other way or just jump over the

couch yeah yeah that's cool this little guy man what you need one look on this side of the mouth down here okay okay oh you want me looking yeah oh okay shit how do you go both sides God he's missing he said back down he can only eat egg salad man yeah you bought a few teeth away from giving out gummies huh that's another joke I feel like that's a joke all right well I think I think with these two bad jokes back to back I think it's time for me to announce what's going on tonight yeah we're in San Diego first of all bad friends we're in San Diego the crew is here we're all going to the show tonight I'm doing a performance at the

Balboa Theater totally sold out and doc is opening the show tonight yeah he's doing stand-up tonight how much time I don't know who's here all right man nobody who's opening doc he's doing 10 two minutes he's going out yeah he fancies gonna introduce the show yeah doc is gonna go up and he's got to do 25 minutes 25 you can do 25 you excited if you take the time away from him I'm never gonna forgive you I might I know you are I feel like this is it I feel you're popping him up and the last second it's gonna be a letdown mm-hmm and it's gonna be funny on camera yep what are you gonna do nothing that's life that's actually

right Andrew isn't that like that's life that's life that's life doc yeah Rudy how was the drive did you like it a little trip down to San Diego you know it's so funny I asked her I go on the car right then I asked you about Harry Styles I go if you were married to Harry Styles he came up to you and he said hi I'm quitting comic music I'm in and I want to marry you and we're gonna just live on an island and I'm gonna drink 24 hours a day become an alcoholic and just eat whatever I want to get fat I go how long will you stay with them she'd stay for two years that's the number yeah two years two years two years of an

alcoholic wait why drinking two why not forever at that point two year what do you have we have a limit on it yeah cuz I think by the end of the two years I'd be grossed out yeah yeah what's up doc give him the mic give him the mic what did he just say what you say that Harry Styles who is Harry it's all right it's all right it's all right easy easy easy all right okay Bobby tell him who it is he doesn't he just can't believe that you don't I can't believe you don't know he's like one of the most famous black activists on earth you don't know Harry Styles Martin Luther King Malcolm X Harry Styles yeah she's showing you a joke

photo that's not Edgar Mevers I've never seen this guy in my life you've never seen this man no do you have the internet okay he's not from Harry Potter he's a fucking singer how are you alive how do you function in society you don't know anything man how the fuck you pay your taxes man you pay rent how do you survive I'm just like the rest of America we do to bear a minimum we just eat and sleep that's what we do and work a little bit he is he is he very much so it really man I didn't know no God bless you for how young he is though see I'm 48 well Bobby knows and he like what are you 67 I love how you don't

know Harry Styles and yet you're trying to slam me right and do a slam joke I'm just that hurt Harry Styles okay was in a pop band from England called One Direction huge oh they were discovered by Simon Simon Cowell on X factor okay they were all contestants he put them all together they created a band called One Direction Harry Styles it happens to be one of the guys that created a solo career and now he's one of the biggest stars as big as Adele as big as no say was at no no you don't know Timberlake and the same group yeah same group Timberlake same yeah yeah I fucking doesn't know fuck Timberlake he said he

is whoa whoa whoa whoa okay go ahead try to figure out that's right okay Timberlake is a backstreet boys no he's in sync in sync there it is that let him have it yeah I was there I was fucking there so you know who but it was all boy bands so I'm right there okay you think Harry Styles was in a band with Justin Timberlake I was trying to like the clothes man I couldn't fucking yeah I was trying to yeah I couldn't I was trying to fit in there's no more all black boy bands there boys to men yeah there's not anymore what is now no I said how come there isn't anymore yeah boys to men was in was so good yeah well there was one

group after them who jagged it oh jagged it so good good but that's this is all the 90s yeah that's all the 90s we haven't had anybody in the 2000s that I know well I wish the Jackson five was a Jackson six and he was a sixth bro and the shortest member of the Jackson six sexy girl I imagine could you how fun it is like Michael Jackson super tell it ABC you know he's out there right what is this little fuck doing damn he's got like I'm robot he's a tambourine you have tambourines oh my god he's got the triangle you know you know he's the triangle the Jackson six the Jackson six that'd be great you know funny that

be oh shit how really how come cuz Korean boy bands are fucking huge the biggest in the world some of the biggest right now yeah dude there's a group called BTS that's the biggest boy ever to BTS no globally they have to be the biggest band I mean boy group well who do y'all got white right now who are the whites have this season we're all injured we're all benched yeah all the you know who's doing all the whites have comebacks like the battery boys did a comeback tour and sink 98 degrees did a comeback tours boys to me and sing in Vegas are they really have a residency yeah we should fucking go I would love

to see that matter of fact when I went to the taping with Jeff Ross and David tell yeah they was in boys man residency room that's what a day so they perform with boys to men they didn't show but they just had the room while they weren't there so we was in there looking at their trophies and shit like that trophies yeah we have some fruit and shit did you perform on that show not in perform just me in in in was at the cellar oh yeah yeah the seller and then in open for Dave Chappelle and no oh Joe David tell David tell and Ross so I went with did you ever do the seller in Vegas Bob no it's a whole week you know

that yeah it's like Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Saturday Sunday right have you no I actually did I did Jimmy Kimmel's club years ago when it first opened what's that called Jimmy Kimmel's club oh it is fucking guy yeah he wanted you to know well I know who Jimmy Kimmel is nobody just called you know what you're trying to know that's the same thing me not doing Jimmy Kimmel had a comedy club in Vegas and you not knowing who Harry Styles is the same thing it's not my heart doc you're my fucking art you're the one over there was a semen in your teeth never gonna let that go I'm gonna get you my dentist I don't trust yours

no no I like this yeah I like him going to this guy like my wife I know he's Indian dude that's what's even more of a mystery yeah I figured a white would fuck that yeah yeah they usually fly but he told me he's 80 some how does he about 80 late 70s that he was he was the best dentist yeah he's been so great for these many years you know Mark Simone was Steve Simone oh yeah Steve told me about that's who I should go to hear about this brother 20 years ago lived here his brother owned his own dentistry in Santa Monica mm-hmm and we would all go there would he give you a deal yeah it was he was the best dentist I've ever

had where do you move back he moved back to Philly whatever yeah yeah wait Philly no where ever they're from why try to guess why am I yelling yeah Steve was telling me that after he found out about this he was telling me to come out I'm going to the dentist on Wednesday and I'm nervous because I know they're gonna find something yeah but it's been a while because of COVID you do have beautiful teeth they're real nice the bottoms are getting jagged they get all you know they fall family has good teeth yeah we're teeth people yeah your mom has a pretty mouth you've never been to San Diego have you the whole drive the

fucking way to talk about the me in this one she hates me she doesn't hate you dude do you hate told me there's real Mexicans near here there are real yes so there we go do I see I fuck dad no I teach me these are not this is Mexico Mexicans yeah you do the borders right there okay we LA I think we are you think we're near the barrier no I just Mexicans everywhere in California but I know what you mean you're talking the actual touch over the border hey come okay they call him coming go like day labor you don't have to put the mic in front of her mouth she doesn't like oh okay she doesn't like it she don't like

the money okay my business isn't Tommy Hilfiger like super racist that's what they said will you look it up what did Tommy Hilfiger say I think he was endbombing on a phone call I'm gonna be wearing this shit if that's the case I don't know if it was fresh enough you'd wear it are those Hilfiger shoes and you can add in somewhere too much who is Andrew Kenan who's that you don't know Andrew Kenan does anybody know Andrew Kenan yeah he's the one that killed Versace oh yes yeah he's from San Diego yeah he's from out La Jolla yeah yeah murderers wrong but he he he killed a fashion designer that's high it's sexy

dude it's like if you can kill like gap is there a miss gap mr. gap yeah is there mr. key is there mr. gap bill gap there's no bill gap yes there is bill gap that's his name that's his name bill gap yeah oh yeah bill gap that's his name Bill and Cynthia gap Cynthia gap yeah yeah they started by rest in peace Cynthia passed away a couple years ago gap and Cynthia gap right they started the 80s right it was a vintage clothing store first right and they used to called alleys I know what was called what do you mean what was the first store they call oh the alleys the alleys yeah the alley was called the alleys right and how did the name came

about oh I know what I know what it was so all the prices you're mean they were going on a business so they did like a 30% 40% and that's where the gap comes from that was the gap that was the gap and it was like we're gonna save you a lot of money look at the gap yeah so the town used to say look at the gap yeah Cynthia just walking dictionaries here yeah yeah or is it in psychopaths it would be the second one yeah dictionary has English language words in it yeah yeah yeah what is it what did Tommy Hilfiger say he went on the Oprah Winfrey show and made racist remarks which is the right venue to do if you're gonna do it if

you're gonna do racist stuff go to the top I mean that's all what I always I mean he's real what are you serious though what yes a goddamn room they threw him off the show yeah he doesn't want black people you don't want black people wearing his clothes or did he say I got to see that shit you just heard it he just said it to you what happened dude but that he could be reading what what source is that it's from the magazine the source is the hip-hop magazine the source that's what I wouldn't be wearing this shit if he was like that that sounds true to me five Mike I would take the shirt off it's

embarrassing I don't want it wasn't it's not real he said he wants it on white backs only yeah to what well like the clothes I'm wearing right it's all from old Confederate flags did you know that my god Andrew we both talk to somebody we both believe in this this is something we actually use often yeah better help will assess your needs it's it what it's online therapy you know what it is yeah and it matches you with your own licensed therapist you can start communicating in under 48 hours we all do this yep we love this place it's not a crisis line it's not self-help it's professional counseling done

securely online guys it's the best I'm telling you there's a broad range of expertise available which may not be locally available in many areas yeah but that's okay because the service available for clients all over the world you can log into your account anytime from anywhere send a message to your counselor and you're gonna get thoughtful and timely response so you can read the reviews from the people that have done this at betterhelp.com slash reviews this place is better help HELP.com slash reviews it's more affordable Andrew than traditional offline counseling and financial aid is

available visit betterhelp.com slash bad friends that's better help HELP and join the over one million people who have taken charge of the mental health with the help of an experienced professional this podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp and bad friends listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash bad friends 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com slash bad friends Raycon oh my god Raycon is my favorite Raycon sent me wireless earbuds and they make the difference because I got to tell you yeah I've suggested it to friends yeah they look great they feel really nice

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Raycon.com slash bad friends yeah yeah you feel good about that yeah it's okay because the flag isn't just not on it anymore Andre's doesn't like it he shakes his head he doesn't like these jokes yeah I don't care Andre anyway what are you what do you mean what am I no I thought he was what I thought he was Spanish right yeah yeah fucking guy you know I didn't know it's like you learn the same thing every day over and over again oh gee oh gee Spain okay yeah wait a minute you know you know you know you do know this right what that fancies from Spain yeah I do I kind of sort of knew that yeah where did you think he was from he spoke

Spanish so I was like Cuba a little bit you think he looks Cuban yeah he knows what I'm talking about you guys don't know because you don't look you know I'm not in Espanol he's Cuban Cubans are way darker look at him too he knows that are there are Cubans that look like you Puerto Ricans too bro not like that Doc no okay well see that shows you how much educated Doc dedicated doc doc you have the fucking cutest eyebrows yeah I've ever seen they're so tiny they're like chocolate chocolate strips okay you know like I want to rip them off your face and just eat them so how did we go from that to

to Bobby just admiring eyebrows I'm just gazing into your fucking cute little fucking I'm glad you feel that way Bobby little fucks real uncomfortable right now I will feel uncomfortable like yeah I guess I should yeah my god I wish I was talking to you in high school we're the same height you and I 69 there's no muscle being overused like if I'm if I'm 69 we're perfect George Kimball right there's muscles being used that you know because he's taller so I have to stretch right all along gate my neck when I'm 69 right and maybe the right you it's just perfect it's like two Tetris pieces your ass right this year as you

come on it's actually the perfect I'm not a muscle and then it's it's perfect perfect right it's like when Tetris pieces link up just that's exactly what it thank you so much that those two up so much conversation having front of your daughter yeah yeah how you feel about your dad over here he's staff right now talking for an occasion yeah it's fine I'm used to it yeah she's used to it sounds like I'm not that sounds like the judge asked her in a court was like how do you feel about you like it's fine I'm used to it in the back on good girl don't say anything bad when he dropped those cards funny thing I've

ever seen not only the funniest thing but there was also a feeling of embarrassment oh yeah and shame I felt Shin was like in his head he was like thinking about getting in the car and leaving as to my credit I think he might have put a little bit of oil on there for the effect you know what I mean like he made me is that it is that like a racist joke about Shin Lim no I'm just saying that I was set up what is that like I know how to shuffle cars you don't believe me bring some cars all here we do this we did we did it we did it and we were taping it we filmed it we have it on and we saw your failure live okay there was

no escaping it doc are you ready for your date tonight I thought we weren't gonna do it he said we wasn't but we're gonna do it we're gonna do it live you know okay on stage oh so we're doing a date on stage mm-hmm it's a long day show okay I feel so bad for the girl why I don't know why I feel so bad for the girl why she submitted she submitted I understand that but it's like a female jihadist one for the team like what if she blows herself up on stage yeah yeah then I'm fucking dear to don't say that shit I'm gonna live it just like feel like someone's sacrificing something large something they

really have the girl is and it's like or or she wants a little black magic and she looked really genuinely love it's hard to believe like listen to me right now honestly Andrew I've known you for how long you're 15 years look at me in the eyes yeah is it hard to believe right I'm just right this is that don't take this personally but should I leave no don't leave I want you to listen to it okay I'll take it personally it is all about you but don't take it do you is it is it hard to believe mm-hmm that a female human being yeah right would allow right right his genitals mm-hmm a rat right inside their organ pretty hard to believe hard to believe pretty hard to believe now that I think

about it now I think about it yeah yeah what the fuck is wrong with your boy it's hey but you know what you know what it's only because you kept denying wanting to meet up with any of these women that he's concerned what women you all the women that we have to admit you didn't want to go on a date with any of them we had to force you to go on this date with this woman it's easier to believe this is the one with the boyfriend right no no we have to say no to that one this is a different yeah you like this other one yeah all right let's do how about this give Rudy that other Mike do a practice date right now because we need

to give you some training let's see how well you do pal okay all right you're out on a date with the waiter go ahead okay welcome to medicine as well love this place welcome to menace was well um to table for two table for two please sit here do you like this view your accent a little bit what was that canary do you like this view oh yes it's beautiful a lot of a lot of place already already here he almost got kicked out yeah well how how did I get kicked out you're black guy in menace as well it's a fucking accent was a little bit I know but he's racist you know that are madame's as well well anyway would you like to hear

about those specials yes okay we have I'm listening from another day basically it's like Lisa sauteed as cargo with lightly creamed as cargo okay do you know what those are no what is this car it's cargo you don't know as cargo is it's cargo no there's a McDonald's across the street would I get in trouble if I said that he owns the rest I'm madness yeah yeah yeah yeah thank you look it's happening on the date already yeah reprimand him Rudy would you like a bottle of flat or would you like a bottle of sparkling water I'll take the sparkling water please and for the lady flat whether do you want a bottle of flat

and a bottle of sparkling give me both okay ooh they're 49 95 a bottle okay well can you put hers in a cup and just give me the bottle I guess we could I'm actually the you know not the main server you don't mean Francesco's the main service oh no hi hello I'm Francesco say hello no she my assistant I'm Francesco I'm here to serve you okay yeah I told him about the special about you did as cargo he doesn't know as cargo does he doesn't know you know the McDonald's across the street lovely lady lovely lady we're looking man lovely lady okay this is our looking we are from an island you know yeah outside of

Greece right outside of Greece where are you from I'm from Detroit are you sure we don't know how do you end up with this yeah this yeah we met on a dating app oh oh nice who swiped first yeah yeah he did yeah he would he would he look like he are you blind you know you're not blind have you have you taken look at the menu do you want to know what you want to eat um we'll have the most expensive most special dinner because doc is gonna pay for everything yeah well we have a expensive we have a whole shark you we can cook a whole shark we have mammoth bone marrow mammoth bone marrow that we saute over the

top of a endangered species that's the mammoth is extinct the bone marrow is very hard to come back in fact with they haven't found an intact a man myth in probably thousands of years thousands anyway but look at this gigantic we have a gigantic mammoth bone with a marrow see fuck this place should be called Flintstones this is like oh you make you're the one come up to me and say can you ask me for a booster seat it's fine just calm down it's fine when they compliment you but they dissing me over here ma'am do you want us to call the police on this man how does how does I gotta pay for them ma'am we could put a

children's placemat with the with the little puzzles and the little cartoons like that yeah yeah there you go draw okay here are your meals here you go remember them all very fast I remember them all you ask you to see yeah and you're all done with the plates thank you how was the meat yeah it was really good anything else I can get you coffee dessert yeah yes does the man not want dessert but he's making we have a very special dessert tell them about that much is a dessert how much how much about the money about them I just pay $49 for a

bottle of water that's you and your meal was $1200 $1200 yeah yeah you're embarrassed in the studio apartment hold on are you telling us maybe you can't afford we're gonna have a problem are we gonna have a problem no no you know where's the front door give me your card now before we move on give me your credit card that's your car pushy aren't you that's a Costco that's a Costco please like this all I got if this says blockbuster on it I don't know what blockbuster is still open but you know what I was a little nervous my bad let me just check my other one okay all right this is curves a gym for you this

is a gift to think of a lame bride why you shop at lame but I ain't that's all I got I'm trying to pay for this that's where I can okay another I can't use this sharper image gift card sharper image not around listen sir if you can't afford you're gonna have a the wash a dish you look like someone who has a wash a dish before okay it's back to us again okay what a bad date I mean you're never gonna land you didn't let her you didn't even ask her what she wanted you just said I'll have I'll have I mean fuck dude you didn't tell her how beautiful she looked sweet yeah yeah magic you know magic what do you think

magic that was me being what do I think man charming huh that's you being charming yeah ask Rudy how the date went how did you feel about our day your energy was off and what about the you didn't ask me how I was yeah yeah not at all the prices and you were just getting angry at yeah they was that's that made you didn't have a man as well then they were mad as well as such a fancy nice restaurant such a nice act like you're like you belong yeah you know madam's as well you know just you know by the way you had you had I think I do miss this as well here I was I was getting this carl menace as well the little obese

lady over here she was she was pretty are you insulting our owner are you insulting when you insulted me how did I insult you young man you said I was I should go with a McDonald's like I can't eat here like back of the bus type of shit you said to me you might know we we've got a squirrelly one good first of all the mammoth was horrible right did you like the mammoth the mammoth bone marrow was horrible as if there was a reference like you've had it before like how do you fucking know I just went what you goddamn thing that's what you say it right I know but okay you've never had it before never had mammoth bone marrow what

could you compare it to even if I had it it probably tastes like shit you know there's a McDonald's right across McDonald's never where's the cheapest place that we've always taken dates to nice rice did you like $400 a plate like what's the cheapest place you've taken a date to I mean I I've taken dates to like I love Laurie's what you know Laurie's no Laurie's kitchen yeah Laurie's the steakhouse the steakhouse I said cheap the cheap see a chain restaurant or something like what's the cheapest that's the cheapest you've ever done on a day is that a chain yeah but that's not cheap our boa

I'll go boa what's the cheapest place you know I've taken girls to like smokehouse that's pretty nice yeah yeah subway you get a date to subway when I first moved to LA I took a girl to subway I mean I that's understandable I could afford yeah and I made her split a foot long you guys fuck huh what do you guys fuck yeah I bet it was I let her get the Italian BMT wild it was nuts yeah the subway girl but you but we shared sun chips that's all I could afford if you if you had a guy that's wait I know would you be mad Jules give me the cover the mic would you be mad if a guy took you to on a

date to subway I wouldn't be mad if I know that he's not making that much see he's making a lot and he's taking no I was poor I was 22 I had no money right I literally was living on like $20 a week but if you're like if like Harry Styles took you on a date all see then it reverses again she'd be okay with it again cuz it's here yeah so you'd have to be poor and very sweet or very rich and super hot are you excited to do a set tonight by the way Rudy do you want to do a little bit of time please no okay you will no yep it's gonna be a lot of people it's not it's only like 1500 people or something like that sold out

yeah 1500 no I don't I don't know what number is it's over a thousand I think it's 1200 what is it 1313 hundred people yeah sold out yeah thank you baby what the fuck is up San Diego yeah bitch I'm so glad to be here I brought a couple of bad friends with me you're ready for a good show first up is two special guests all the way from the dirty island the tree climber and the Spanish Fancy B and little miss Rudy Jewels hi everyone I'm farting a lot yeah my legs are trembling too hi guys what what can San Diego we have a couple treats for you tonight besides

Andrews great show yeah I'm Rudy or Jules Tito Bobby and Tito Andrew forced me to do this again but welcome to Tito Andrews show I think he's the better and funnier Tito so to start we have the little black man from bad friend the the black alley cat the greatest black magic aka aka doc willis give it up for doc San Diego live in the flesh right look at this door dash when I go on the road the only food delivery system I use is door dash always the most reliable they are they have the most options yep you have the friendliest and most proficient and professional people that work for them

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door dash subject to change terms apply you look like a guy sells Hollywood Hollywood signs what the Hollywood maps I mean oh the maps oh yeah the map of the stars doesn't he look like a Hollywood map guy like you know where people live maybe I guess where do you live doc I live in studio cities where your dentist is yeah have you let's say right down the street right around the corner from Brody right down the street from Brentmore and Rick Glassman David Lucas is over there Francisco Ramos comics corner yeah we out there in these streets RIP Brody Brody the funniest thing Brody ever said to me

there's so many funny things but one time I tweeted like in the height of all the Trump chaos way before he was elected I wrote I'm gonna vote for Trump just to make East Side Comics mad and then Brody came up to me and he was like really voting for Trump I was like oh I was just making a joke he's like you should don't be a coward to follow through and then he walked away he was so funny his that that that that news when he died yeah was the worst day of my life I've never I've never been so hit by somebody's death more than him is it crazy you know when somebody says where were you when something happened yeah

usually don't know but I literally know where were you what where were you I remember I was taking a nap and I remember Clila going what's a funny perfect Bobby story yeah I remember Clila going it was like 3 30 in the afternoon she goes Brody died and I go what Brody died and I waited five minutes in silence and I said why aren't I crying oh I said that to her she goes you will when you wake up because I was kind of in the mid stage yeah I know that and as soon as I started kind of waking up mm-hmm falling oh my god I was on a chairlift I was in mammoth I was skiing yeah yeah what rich white

people do snowboarding mammoth was wasn't aspen it was mammoth alright but I was on this chair and I got into a fight with my buddy that we were out there on the mountain we were arguing he was upset about the Airbnb we got I was pissed and then I got that news and had goggles on and I cried in my goggles on the chairlift and we didn't say a word to each other just got in the car and I drove back to LA we didn't even say goodbye I literally got in my fucking car and I drove back to LA and and it the whole ride I was quiet there was no radio and I kind of snapped out of it and realized that I was like oh my god

I've just been driving not even thinking my brain was like empty I was a we didn't ask you doc anyway I was a brody was supposed to be in the sand or Bisco comedy oh that's right in the slow I was on my way up there wow and then I was gonna surprise him cuz he didn't know I was gonna be on on the festival I was gonna be on the Fridays and Saturday show so there's like a little person show it with you Brad Williams bunch of people okay so okay was a lollipop guy there yeah okay now let's get back to the heart dude because of what's going on in Hollywood with like more minorities getting bigger roles I do think if they

remake Wizard of Oz you're gonna fucking kill it yeah kill it oh that's flying you'll what oh that's from fucking that's Willy Wonka oh that's another role was it a wizard of Oz you said the flying what monkeys that's what he was about to say this goofy I don't look at me wait I didn't thought I was gonna say flying monkeys that's fucking yeah you know it the fakus are in with that's in Willy Wonka what are the little people in the in Wizard of Oz the lollipop gang they're not the lollipop gang what are the little people called in Wizard of Oz find out please for me they're called the lollipop kids man

that's a ridiculous dog yes it is they go we represent the lollipop gang yeah the lollipop kids all right look up lollipop what is it Pete yeah they're much I know they're much that's the word I was looking for but they're called the lollipop kids don't want to came out is where lollipop kids right which is a good bit that sounds like a good rap group yeah we out here with the lollipop kids in this motherfucker suck on me bitch suck on me suck suck suck on me bitch lollipop kids lolly lollipop kids suck on my stick I'm the lollipop kid hey hey hey I'm what you're sucking on my stick I'm a lollipop kid I'm a lollipop kid seven

days of the week you better suck me dry dry VIP with him so there was no one else there just him and I how can you couldn't see him the music's playing came going yeah yeah we're the only people in VIP I would just see his head yeah I would leave the club immediately let's go to a club tonight doc you want you want to ball out no gay clubs cuz y'all motherfuckers why what is that who cares what do you mean who cares oh what am I do there why can't we go to a gay club no cuz y'all be doing some silly shit having a drink hanging out with some dudes yeah that's not my style what is your style my style is not hanging out

with human beings human being and fuck there you go what I mean they're not human beings fuck gay clubs is what just all gay dudes right yeah what do you think is going on yeah nothing just all those is boring do you think they're trying to force you to be gay we get a little how we arguing shit I don't want to be in a fucking place with a bunch of other dudes having his he fits on the fucking dance floor you do realize we're going to a gay bar now I knew this well you did this I thought you was gonna say no I want you to learn you got to open your mind it's funny Andrew it's like if you

and I were at a we're at the Abbey right in West Hollywood which I've been there yeah multiple times so there's a club called Abbey in West Hollywood do you know what that is doc I've heard of it yeah and so don't get angry dude don't own it relax this is set up against me no and I'm not a bad guy but I remember being there with my friend Mike and there was a bunch of gay guys and my hand I was like my hand brushed up against the guy's leg you know I was kind of doing this right and he goes he then he reciprocated back he touched my leg with his hand yeah right and I looked I'm I go oh do I'm not he's like

you're not we're gonna know but like if somebody touched you at a gay club right from underneath the table would you be like my bad or would you be angry I'll be like cuz he probably don't know if I'm up in there that's open game gives you a big kiss right in your mouth no that ain't gonna happen what do you say what do you say Bobby go kiss him and see what he says how would you let a guy just up and just kiss you like what I'm gonna just be sitting there just oh my god yeah yeah so he's like hi welcome to matters was well all right we have a club now too oh welcome back to medical we own this club now yeah hello look at

her out look at her outfit you're okay are you can I see your ID I didn't see your ID right yeah oh oh my lord what does it say they come small you're like a happy meal but you know there's a McDonald's across are you the hamburger so I would love to see a big kick so I want to take you to a gay bar for no why not what it's it's funny because it's like why well we go to a gay club sex isn't even in our mind it's just we're at a club there happen to be gay people there yes yes yes you lesbians no no no cuz see they don't really party to go with gay men to gay boss they feel comfortable there

cuz they're not getting hit on listen to Rudy Rudy confirmed Rudy confirm I haven't gone but I would go to a gay club more than a regular club cuz regular club would annoy you every fucking dude coming up to you trying to be all over you look good who you hear what he just said what there's gotta be dudes in there that's on a prowl like him looking for you in a gay bar no yeah so you're saying there's one right there's one straight guy at a gay club it's gotta be 20 like that he went or the story about how he went and he said it was like a lot of girls in there cuz guys down to tell you let's say let's see how

it would play out nah we're not going no gay bar I'm not we're here welcome mademoiselle's gay bar hey what's up doc what can I get you to drink what's up you little sippy cup what's up you little tiny drink of water how you doing look at this little piece of chocolate sauce I mean this is my jam oh wow this is my jam oh I love that I'm gonna twerk I'm twerking show your pussy yeah that thing is out of shape hey so doc what's going on here you finally coming out a little bit more delicious than that now you coming out doc is that where you're here you're coming out I'm just here with the boys okay we're here

with our boys okay what do you want to drink yeah bartender what do you want to drink double you want to double yeah triple triple piano I gotta be honest you know our pretty gay pretty gay what would you like to drink yeah sprite okay with the purple pill I like to give you oh here's the purple pill alright see you tomorrow see you tomorrow doc and if you go to a gay club for real and you order a Pinot Grigio there you're gonna get hit on you think so you're walking around the glass of wine regardless cuz I'm in there this one's you're not they can smell that you're not

gay okay no understand they know like you're cute as fuck yeah alright you're gonna be the fucking king asshole in that room big time right when you walk in there they're gonna hear that you're asshole glimmering right yeah what is an asshole glimmering in the light like you know that's exactly what yeah it's like there's like a little LED light in the muscle around your dick I mean your asshole I mean it's spinning real quick when you walk through that you'd be that you'd be there fucking chocolate to light my be the bell of the ball yeah man they're gonna feel that you know yeah little Nestle Toe house just walked in

look at that let's keep him in the purple pill and then the next day what happens he wakes up in our apartment you wake up in our apartment the next day good morning morning you want eggs you want eggs little black magic little black magic you okay we're gonna go well you know we have to go now tonight yes we are wait a minute doc doc how much time can you do I could do about 35 I just ain't been on stage in a while so wait really was last time we got on stage please don't make them do 35 you're doing 50 about I think you do 20 about three weeks ago I did a show you do 20 no let's start with 10 and see

how it goes if it's bombing fucking get off but it's doing well then let it be alright 20 regardless it'll be fun you just let him sit in it yeah I gotta learn okay even if you're bombing we keep you up there okay I guess you'll be riding for 11 since then because I'm not about to fight you for a dollar 14 that ain't going down matter of fact it was three ways you can drive fuck I didn't fuck up to Joe all right man like love you too man you ready y'all ready oh y'all in for a super treat right now this my homie

right here man uh met him at the comedy store y'all seen him on mad TV y'all seen them we're no further ado let's bring to the stage my Asian friend Bobby one more time for Doc Willis everybody sit down man it's not my show man we we told that motherfucker to do five fucking minutes he does 30 fucking minutes one more time for Eddie Murphy give him a round of applause what the fuck doc what the fuck right on doc it's all doc to do like ten minutes I forgot he was black I was like he's fucking he's gonna run the light there's no doubt he's like man I don't know what a clock was it's right here

this is a fucking clock right is a clock right here this is the clock what a clock go I don't know when you put a motherfucking client or digital motherfucking I don't know what I should work right there dude four feet and give it up for that chocolate morsel he's the best I love him to death wonderful it is what it is unbelievable by the way side note you would never get hit on in a gay but no gay guys are gonna hit on the guy wearing the Tommy Hilfiger shirt that's not yeah they know you're not whatever the case is I don't care huh that's a straight guy clothing I don't even have a problem with if a gay guy

ever you know I've never been hit on since I've been out here by a gay guy that's your problem I was told by by the gate remember Tony Falcone you would know who is Tony Falcone the fuck is Tony Falcone I don't know nobody named Tony Falcone the gay the gay comic white dude Tony I don't know Tony you just did his goddamn accent his voice so Tony was telling me so a lot of us comics was talking about how like they they got hit on by a lot of like straight comics in a couple gay comics at the store and they were saying how they get hit on all the time and I was like no I said I'll never get hit on and then

Tony Falcone said that's because gay men know who's gay and who's not correct that's not true but well sometimes well sometimes but or you're just not there three gay uncles in a gay cousin so now none of they people ever hit on me that can be the next album when I was when I was about 14 15 years old I did get kind of yeah what say it whatever okay I'll tell you what you're molested this is when I found out my uncle was gay will you molested I don't know I mean you could yeah you could consider it but I'm sure so this is what happened right yeah okay probably maybe about 12 13 whatever so it's gonna be so I feel

like there's gonna be a good one my uncle was like hey we're going to the park you want to go to the park with us and I was like it's starting off that the two dudes which I didn't know was gay because I know my uncle was gay at the time right so we go at the park we sitting in the car and the guys playing LL Cool J right I'm saying the car listening LL Cool J and my uncle starts going out and he starts breakdancing and he runs back to the truck and he's like hey doc you should get off the car and dance with us and then I'm like the dance with me and I go nah man I'm sitting there listening LL's go ahead and do

your thing and then the guy switched the music to like this house music like blow your house down blow your house you know like that right yeah and then all of a sudden my uncle switched and he kicked his leg up in his air in the air and caught it in the side of his head and like can I fuck that move come from oh my god never dance like that in his fucking life right so I just was like that's weird so anyway stop stop stop can I just stop right well so he did a leg twirl and he caught his leg in the park in the park all right so he's doing this shit yeah you know what I'd be doing what running home right he caught his leg

my uncle Han just did a fucking wait leg twirl first of all first of all they're breakdancing in the park but just outside and they're like come outside and dance you know we're in the truck me and the other two dudes which I didn't know were grown man yeah what are they doing the other two dudes are gay too I found out let me tell the story so then so he said hey come on he's like doc you should get off the truck and I say now go ahead do your thing don't fuck it so then while he's dancing the driver hand falls on my knee and I go what the fuck I said how the fuck he he don't see I'm sitting in the back here so I moved his

hand like okay whatever and then so with them my uncle came to truck games like doc you should get off the car and say man I'm man maybe I should let's go and do your thing dog and then he starts he say look let's flip cuz I do summer sauce and shit you know back flips I'm pretty goddamn good I'm pretty good I was pretty good why is yeah so little black guys can always do backflips yeah yeah I'm a little athletic so they are used to be but you don't do it at the park when your uncle tells you to do it when your uncles are doing that's when you go you know what I'm gonna chill on the fucking summer songs hey doc get out the

cost do some flips yeah that's weird man do some flips so then he's like so then while he's tumbling the guy's hand fallbacks and grabs my ankle kick his hand and I stomp his hand I'll say I tap his boil from the same man let me out the car for a second and then I get out the car now keep in mind and you're 13 yeah 12 or 13 so you're telling a grown adult yo man don't touch me like that yeah you know you're not didn't sound like that no you're not can I tell you something what I'm gonna tell you what happened doc doc doc I'm gonna tell you what happened that day all right you were brutally molested by three are

your family members all right yeah I'll tell you one was his uncle only one was his uncle whatever you were brutally molested by three adults no brutally no and in your twisted mind right you've come up with this fantastical story backflip a black flip doing flips meanwhile dude you're being fucking bed over behind a Chevrolet just getting reamed from behind like a rock like Jerry Sandusky style dude let's vote let's everybody raise your hand do you think doc was molested raise your hand that we should press charges that's crazy that's why you like Pinot Gris so when I doc by the way it's okay this

it's fine we've all been we've all been molested yeah but that's not Bobby molest me yeah yeah I didn't even know molesting was that if they just touch you period that's molesting him touching your leg is it's not okay yeah that's molesting kind of yeah kind of yeah you know let me ask you something did your penis make a boy did your penis make a guess okay so that's what it would mean but are you saying what do you mean what do you mean what the fuck that means no Bobby what I just told you I was your exact no it wasn't what the fuck is wrong with you I just told you that he just grabbed ankle that's it so he

grabbed it was that the end of the story he grabbed your ankle you got out of the car and then it got out the car you never talked about it ever again to anyone no no no no no no so I told my uncle by the way for the audience we're not belittling molestation joking about your people what happens with us we I just do this no but I'm saying I'm not making fun of what happened to you I'm not making fun of what happened doc yeah I just let no no one's making funny but also that was the end of it it was like you know I'm just getting to the core so you're still going to the dig suck it hasn't got to that never gotten to that

so it hasn't gotten to that yet all right doc go ahead all right so my uncle's like hey we can go to the house to hit the driver's house I go nah man I think we should go home he goes let's go there's all right so I go we go to the house and there's stairs right they sitting on the stairs and then I'm standing on the sidewalk I won't come up to the outside of the house yeah on the stoop yeah because everybody's just sitting on the stoop you know cuz back yeah I know so I'm sitting standing on the sidewalk and then my uncle's like what's wrong with you why you still know that's it man I don't want to be

over there it's like you gotta chill out and I said alright and I came and sat next to my uncle and then my uncle got up and he lay be no and then my uncle's sat on a when he sat on the stoop the guy came and lay between his legs face first and then I was like man oh man what the fuck and then he was like what what's wrong and I was like man you don't see what he doing oh my god damn I was like you know you don't see what's going on I said man this shit is crazy then the dude was like you're a little feisty when hot and I was like man stop talking fucking talking to me I'm not talking to you I'm talking about goddamn

uncle we try to have a goddamn family moment right let me translate let me translate he sucked them all can you read can you read between the lines right the messages he's brutally sucked them off yeah came in his mouth all right so he came in your mouth all right the guy says you're a little feisty one he says it's all right let's play karate then my uncle says let's play karate this is insane I'm serious all right so you start playing karate at the time I was studying too a little bit you know so I knew a little bit studying karate bro he's studying karate he says that's hilarious

so my uncle's like doc you don't want to I'm telling you and I go now I got this so I get in my stance right he getting his stance and then I won't kick them in the stomach so then he got in this distance and I go what the fuck and I go okay I'm ready and the guy fucking kicks me and when I tell you I fucking flew over the fucking grass hit the goddamn truck right and I hit a land on the ground I was so fucking manateen on then I ran towards him like you some bit and then my uncle grabbed me he said doc I'm trying to tell you this motherfucker's like a third like a five-degree black belt like you fucking don't know what

you're fucking with and I'm like fuck wait wait tell me dawg he didn't kick me against the goddamn truck this shit is preposterous and he's like calm down man I'm just trying to I'm just playing with you I'm just playing with you he says he said he said he said you feisty you think you can pick me up I'm like fuck yeah I could pick you up what you mean right so he said we're trying to pick me up so I went around and I tried to grab his legs and pick him up and since he was like six feet he reached over and cupped me by my ass and live nice I was so fucking mad bro bro I said what the fuck and then I said this shit man

hey man take me the fuck home right now he goes what's wrong you don't see what the fuck order I said man just take me home so he cupped your asshole no no he had the cheeks he tried to lift me like he lifted me like when I had his legs like this stop fucking with the camera yeah don't touch the camera but you I was trying to show y'all so yeah yeah we got it we get it we know what lifting when I when I lift them up yeah he grabbed the cheeks you know it was like but could it be could it be could it be that's the only thing back there when you're lifting you know I mean it's not as if like he could be touching he

could be touching any area of your body it just so so happen is you know that's where your ass is there yeah yeah so it couldn't it my question my but the thing I'm saying is that it's probably not a physical like homosexual thing that he was doing well whatever the case was it don't matter I was I felt like I was violent did you go home after this yeah I was like take me back to granddaddy house right did you tell granddaddy what happened let's go ahead so then I so then I attempt to take me home so my uncle said what's wrong I said just take me home fuck this shit I'm gone so I go

home and then he said you okay doc you need to talk and say nah man you good just go on with your boys I'll talk to you later so then I ran upstairs to my cousin and I was like man I said you know I didn't want to tell home but the dude that we was with he was grabbing on me I think that dude might be gay I don't know it and then she was like you goddamn idiot we've been trying to tell you he's been gay for years and you fucking didn't listen to us your uncle's gay and I go what the fuck I said the guy so you tell me him and that guy's together you go I said oh that's why he laid between like yeah you got

this is important for all especially like if you got any blacklist or anybody here story it's good for your podcast because okay after that right this guy's odd I get he come back home later and I cuss him up me when we tell me you all here you know pillow biting whatever the fuck I'm pissed I'm like man what's going on with you rubber blockers you know I'm fucking angry right he said then he said you know you know so what so you because of the pain the pain the pillow because of the pain of the butthole I guess so that's what you're saying so when a gay guy his buttholes or pain they bite women do

do you know I'm saying I've never seen it but okay sorry sorry sorry about that you don't touch her don't ever touch you don't ever fucking touch her yeah anyway uh we're sick you're out here with breakdancing karate kicking suck and dick in the park and I'm the weird yeah so it finished so granddaddy and cousin sorry I said no he starts crying he says because you're the only one that never turns your back on me and I go god damn it and to this day we still best we still cool to the mother fuck you know I'm saying like what and even sometimes I remember one time he was like no nobody I was talking to him he was

like you're the only family member that didn't turn on him because when he came out as gay everyone else shunned him yeah yeah at first everybody was like but when you found out he was gay and you came to this realization I had a hard time with it at first you still but you still stuck with him because you love him yeah and I just like this is good only one that brought me around a willis's family I didn't he was the only one that would let me stay with my grandmother my grandfather how so I could be around all like all the willis's the grandkids and my father wasn't wasn't around like that what are you

talking about willis but even one time he was talking to me about and he said you know doc I'm proud of myself I said why that he said you know I've been with one dude I've been completely completely monogamous and he said I feel and I was like it's kind of weird cuz I know what to say cuz I was like well yeah I guess that was good I can't get pregnant or something like that I didn't know what to say it was like that's one of the awkward but I said congratulations but hold up and then he says doc when we talk when I talk to you about these do this the body I said no I said this is something you you go

through in that it's your life so I'll say talk about it always talk don't never feel uncomfortable so he said okay doc because he said you know you know you don't want it that's been listening so you know that's the thing man like that's great that's great podcast always don't do that at the end you just fucked it up it was that's amazing though it's because you're a good human with a good heart you care about the people not all the other shit like mislead them or like I don't I don't like when people I had a had another uncle I used to fight for okay you have another okay you have another gay uncle yeah I got two more it

seems like I just don't think it runs in the family yeah something going on you have three gay uncle I don't have a single gay cousin or a gay uncle but just FYI well you do but they you just it just it didn't exist what do you mean everyone has a family they don't say I'm the guy you think I'm the guy in the family good me Rudy Rudy you think I fuck you bitch you're by for sure yeah okay but no but that being said that you everybody has a gay member in their family yeah they just maybe yours don't talk about it huh you have one yeah you're it who knows you know it's a funny grown-up I had a gay uncle Ira I had

this really good-looking Jewish guy and we're not Jewish so he's not why he wasn't my uncle would see just a family friend but we called him uncle Ira yeah but I got old enough and I was like that gay Jewish guys not my uncle my dad was like we're not Jewish oh look at you you fucking map of Ireland yeah fucking potato farming piece of shit you think we're Jew I was like I thought he was our uncle somehow he's like who was he married to I was like one of those guys there was hanging out with I didn't know he was my gay uncle Ira but I didn't I had no idea when I was a kid I didn't know he was just good-looking and worked

out all the time had a bunch of fucking really good-looking guy friends my gay uncle Ira to be honest it was wonderful doc that it just showed your true character you're a good egg doc yeah you are that was a true because you really cared about the person yeah doc you take us out and say thank you for being a bad friend thank you for being a bad friend