Bad Friends - Shane Gillis Confronts Bobby

Episode Date: December 15, 2025

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Woo. Oh, you two or something. We're bad friends. Hey, bad friends. Welcome back to our 300th episode. Woo! We're so excited to be here. We're in Phoenix, Arizona.

Yeah. And we're-H-O-E-N-I-X, Phoenix, Arizona. This will probably be the last episode that we did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm just getting warmed up, guy. Yeah, dude, you are. You're warm. And our guest today, go ahead and introduce our guest.

Well, he's one of my favorites, man. Yeah? Yeah, man. Shane Gillis, dude. Shane. Top top dog. Top, top, top dog. Yeah, top dog.

Buddies, you know, and we're, you know. Let's start it off the right way. What? Do you want to say anything to Shane after, you know, about 50 episodes ago or something, you just chained pretty hard? I didn't. No, I didn't. Yeah, you did. That's insane.

You didn't? I saw it was really hurtful. Yeah, yeah. Okay, so what did I say? Do you remember? I would look like I was a corpse underwater. The bog water. Yeah. Yeah. Which, you know, you're not, you weren't wrong. Yeah, yeah. I know. And I hurt you. And, you know, my bad, dude. That's okay.

And it's like, you know, I, to me, I look like I'm right next to you at the bog. Don't do that. Look, I did that with my mind, dude. That's pretty good. You know what I mean? You want Asian magic? That's Asian magic, dude. Telepathy. Move. Stop. Good stuff over.

Move over. Oh. Hey. Bob Dylan's here, guys. Get in here, Bob Dylan. Yeah. Okay, here we go. Hang tight.

All right. Oh, thanks, man. Hey, how you doing? Got a show tonight. Is that a cautious wife? Take it easy on that. Sorry. Consuming a lot of that content.

Are you liking all that stuff? Oh, my God. I'm jerking off. I got no back here. You got no back, bud. Damn. You went backing? I got it.

All right. what's up buddy oh i'm hung over we yeah we did it up last night yeah yeah what happened down in tucson in the show in tucson yeah yeah what happened i heard you got i hear you're calling out the driver huh oh he was dropping bombs shit his pants farting up a storm so it's like new jersey in there yeah it was rough then we're getting out of the car and he goes yes you later robert with your nasty rotten ass he was a bad driver too he was a terrible yeah i just want to go back a little bit back to your apology to Shane

because I do want to make it public on the show Okay I'm trying to hurt my feelings man Okay can I I'll be honest with you Okay You want to get real I don't know I don't

Hey Hancho You want to get real amico No Yeah I'll get real Brother when he goes Spanish He means it Yeah yeah yeah All right

Los Pantolone is my amigo Yeah That's where I just ate Yeah I admire you Shut the fuck That's worse Give me a shot

No, that's way worse Keep talking shit I'd rather you I'd rather be mean Give me a shot Amigo All right All right

So let's be real for a second Yeah And don't interrupt You don't interrupt me Dad because that's rude If you keep talking like that I'm gonna call ice All right

I'm not that type No I take Asians Yeah Oh they do Oh yeah They take them Please don't call then

Okay All right so I love you so you've been so nice to me and I think we're friends and I you know you're look at me in the eyes fool

all right you can't find them yeah all right that was a good one 1980 shit I love it that's my whole act

yeah yeah I love you too bud all right get back to him all right and when I said it I felt bad

when you texted me it was a threat we're done or whatever you're in I felt bad about it dude and I thought about it

and I'm like I shouldn't attack you in that way and I really admire you and I hope you forgive me I've totally forgiven okay alright I forgive you go with that now

I didn't need you do that I thought that was wild that you did that I just kind of wanted to set you up to do that that was really cool to do that I love you I love you I love you I love you

how about when I do say something what about when I say something about Cheney and I go like when I said oh yeah and Shane's playing Lincoln Financial the football

the football stadium and then what do you say that's great no no I know you fucking said something nasty he goes I don't want to hear

about Shane's not the king he's not the king whoa that's what he says I did not say that it's fucking outrageous we have a whole room of people

that are absolutely outrageous is that true is that true is that true that he says that stuff it is true thank you what the fuck man

so who is the king I have a slap up, you know what I said that? You did? All right. All right. All right. I'm bad.

Because here's what, here, can I tell you why? Yeah. All right. Because he, he's like, because I didn't want, you feel bad. I feel like when you say it. I feel bad. Yeah, because you're doing yuck yucks in these smaller places. You're doing these like, you know, wise guys.

Yeah. Which is a great club. You weren't you just at that club last week? playing in two weeks. Yeah, so what are you talking about? Yeah, but you know what I mean? Don't step on me. I say it as a celebration of our,

of the people that we work with. No, you don't like it because you're 54. You're old and you think that's weird that he's young and great and you're old and it's over. He's one of the best comments on planet. I've never fucking denied that. You say that because he's here,

but not when he's not here. It's where you? Who, slam! What the fuck you're doing, guy? By the way, we're good. Kevin Hart did the field. He did Eagles.

And he only did 53K. I think you're going to go for the 70. Yeah, I'm going to do the middle The middle You need a stage I'm going to do the round Oh Yeah

So you can fit more people I just I think doing a stage In a giant place Really sucks Yeah yeah Like the whole time I'm up there

Just see someone in the balcony In the back You know that must be the worst show Yeah sure You gotta go around I mean a football stadium It's not gonna be the best fucking comedy No but it's a milestone

It's gonna be great What's that for you Huh What's that for you What do you mean what's that? What is that? that for you like that what would that be for you i'm confused like philly doing the football stadium oh geez i guess the super dome yeah that's our big spot you know new orleans but it would

that be what you'd want to do or no no no you know we got the sanger theater which is like our carnegie hall so that would be cool yeah well it was a little rude today at the airport that's all what happened a couple instances going back to that now what happened you know how we segue way back into the thing, you know. Well, you know, I haven't slept in a couple of days. Oh, yeah? Vegas. Oh, shit.

Yeah, yeah. You relapse? No. Cookers? I went to Hustler Tuesday night. Oh, shit. Yeah. How much you spend?

$2,700. That's not bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What'd you get for $2,700? Nothing. Handy? No, handy, nothing. Come on.

Yeah. Well, the thing is, is that I was wearing these pants that you don't like. I don't like them. Yeah, yeah. And she was doing, you know, she had a bony ass. And she was all, I was very wrecked. and she was doing one of those things. It's good.

Excuse me? It's good. You were correct. At that age? No, no pill. Whoa. Yeah. El natural.

Well done. Taking a blue jeet to go to a strip. But she was, you know, with her bony ass, right? I was getting rub burns on my peepee. Oh. Yeah, yeah. And so, and then at the end, she squeezed it. I don't know why she did that at the end.

She was looking for it. She was looking for it. Dude. it's it's bigger than you think really yeah yeah yeah it is yeah it is right yeah bigger than people think for sure yeah yeah you know it doesn't it doesn't mean anything but yeah you know what i'm almost at a point right now dude that if she leaves i'll pull it out who oh shit get out of here beck yeah yeah yeah jules she's like my daughter so anyway oh anyway can we talk about to i don't fucking i'm not talking about it talk about it too much time now talk about it

wasn't even that great you're talking about the dc bomber It's so good. What are you talking about? I have no idea. Don't bring up some more drama, emotional shit. No, I was just rude today. That's all that. What did you do?

Well, so I was in line and it wasn't moving. You know how that happens? Sure. Not moving at all. Yeah. And I don't have TSA pre-check. Yeah. Which is what?

I'm with you. I don't either. What? Never got it. I did clear. Okay. The clear line was useless now. It is.

It wasn't moving. Then I heard some Indian, dude. Oh, shit. This motherfucker. This motherfucker. This is a motherfucker, right? Go ahead. What do you sound like?

He had a regular American accent. Oh, okay, good. Then why was he an Indian guy? I can smell them. Don't point at me. I'm not with you on that. That's appallic. Anyways, this is a joke.

I couldn't smell. But anyway, so I can hear him like 20 people back. Yeah. Going up to people going, hey, I'm late for my flight. Can I go ahead of you? You know, and people are like, yeah, go ahead, right? Oh, yeah.

I couldn't wait for mine. really you hit him with no oh yeah because I was late yeah yeah I was late they were boarding while I was still in line right so he comes up to me and he goes hey I go no no you didn't even let him get it out

I didn't let him get it out I couldn't wait I waited 20 minutes to get it out Did you just stand behind you? It was like in the gun you know I mean yeah so it came out weird She just wait behind no like that Wow what did he do He goes okay sir And then I kind of turned around I felt guilty

So I kind of were like, you know, my plane's boarding too. So we're all kind of late, you know what I mean? I had to explain it. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then here's the second root thing I did, dude, right? I'm on the aisle seat. You know what I mean?

First class. I just wink at me. I don't know. Don't do that. Yeah. You're on the aisle seat. It was turbulence. Uh-huh.

Right? Flight attendant did one of these. Whoa. Oh, shit. Fell down to the ground. That's great. And I didn't even move. Dude, I did a look

I went Damn, you've changed Yeah, yeah, yeah It's because when I'm tired I don't know what the fuck I'm doing You look tired But you always do Another 80s Asian thing

I love it I'm trying to bring it back It's vintage This might be yeah I think all four of us are very tired I'm wiped This is a tired I'm exhausted

I'm exhausted Yeah But it's a good thing This is going to make For a good show tonight Four tired Five openers Everyone's just going to, yeah, I don't care.

Are you going to whip it out tonight? No, I don't wipe it out. I don't whip it out. Dude, can I say something right now? After we got fined, he stopped doing that. First of all, I've never whipped, no. Yeah, I'll get fined a million dollars. I've never whipped my penis out on stage, ever.

That's not true. My butt hole. Butt hole. Oh, butthole. Got hold. You know what I mean? But not my, not toky, the dumb dumb. That thing stays.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, we got fined in Vegas. That's my penis steak. No, we were in Vegas? Where were we? Toggy the Dumbum? Yeah, we got it fine in Atlanta. Yeah.

He showed his butt hole in high school. I used to call it that anyway. How do you show a butthole? Do you go all fours? Right there. Like he does it. Oh, look at that. He does it too.

But I do it away from his crap. Fucking hack. Jesus. He stole that from me, dude. It's Bobby's bit. Yeah, yeah. That's my closer, dude. Anyway, um.

Is that a phone you got going there? It was an audience member's phone. They were like, can I have a picture with you? And I took a, took a picture of my bottle. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Have you seen this butthole?

No. It's so nice. Is it red like your hair? It's pink. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's very pink. Red eye.

I love it. Because a lot of buttholes are brown. That's right. Guilty. Is it brown? Oh my God. Yeah, yeah. Like that Indian guy you turned down.

Yeah, yeah. Well, have you seen it? Oh, yeah. How? Check it out. Check it out in the mirror before you got to see what's going on. Yeah, you got to take a look. Yeah, about eight years.

You ever stood over a mirror or that'll wake you up. holy shit it's like the seventh circle of hell it's like the valley of death down there yeah you lay it down on the ground lay it down you squat right over it woo way you learn who you are

yeah yeah that's crazy when do that I usually around Christmas yeah a lot of hair a lot of hair a ball bag a lot of beehole

a lot of toilet paper yeah do you shave your shit I shave no you shave or Shane what do you mean like I'll just show you my pew No. I mean, just look like they're trim.

Gee, what do you have a C-section scar? You got the belly of a lady with three kids. I told him, he had like a fooper. He's got like a little baby fooper. Yeah, yeah. It's kind of cute. All right. It's a cute little food.

I'm trying to lose weight, but all right. You're trimming. You're trimming. You're trimming. I trim, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the first thing that Shane said to you was that you look skinny. That was really nice.

It was really nice. Thank you. You're trimmed Johnoon. Oh, that's good. I'll see you all in hell. Yeah. we're tired we're gay yeah what's the time what's the how how long until when you walk into the hotel room until you to jerk off immediately pretty immediate i get the the towel down go right

with the towel down why the towel i want to look at it yeah i see contrast see this you get spread yes yeah yeah okay what do you really think the time is i think mine was like maybe 15 minutes yeah sure 15 20 it's before it's a bag you put it in the corner and then change the temperature a little bit yeah yeah plug the phone in put my adopt kit in the bathroom yep I do that so there is a step-by-stown yeah and then finally you look at the bed and you go okay let me ask you this one you guys ever just shoot it on the carpet no but somebody else told me they did this and it bothered the fuck out of me that's crazy you do that me neither it's free you feel like an American no but as you get older you know what comes out

Just a vizine drop. Oh, yeah. If you can hear it, this is what it sounds like. Poop. And that's it. And there's probably two sperms in there. One of them is probably dead. You know what it's like,

you know, when you get old, you know what I mean? That's what happened. Your sperm comes out with its hands behind his back, like an old Asian man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Slowly so on it.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, that's what it does. Slurping noodles. You probably have still marshmallow shots, right? Yeah, for sure. Oh, what do you mean? No, I'm curious as to what you mean. Yeah, yeah, but do you have a thick load?

Like, is it the consistent? What? All right, all right, all right. What? It's too much? Yeah, you're diving too deep. My bad. No, that's fine.

Keep it up top. Yeah, yeah. Keep it up top. I mean, he's the one that brought up the fucking. Yeah, but he did it very elegantly. Yeah, he had a little class. All mine was too, like, vivid. Oh, my bad.

Okay. No, now we got a, we got a squash of beef. You and I? Yeah. Let's go. Well, yeah, you're going mad viral with these, uh, impressions. I'm trying to steal your act, dude.

Yeah. I'm stealing your act, dude. Yeah. It's a good impression. It's very good. Are you offended by it? No, but Nick Mullen and you should have a me off. Well, Mullen is good at it?

Oh, my God. He's killer. Let me see if I can do it. I'll just copy what you say. Let's see. I want to hear, I actually want to hear Mollins. We should probably pull it up. It's pretty, I don't know if it's documented, it's really good.

Okay. Yeah, you do Norman. Well, you do it for, I'll do the third. I have to keep hearing. him and then I can do it. Yeah, hey. Hey, hey. Hey, I'm gay.

Hey, I'm gay. This is pretty close. This is pretty close. That's the one though. Yeah, yeah. Hey. Yeah, when you go, when you go, I'm gay and look away. He's got, he has, I actually asked him to do it at the bar.

Oh, really? Just now. I was like, dude, Norman. Oh, wow. It's very good. Yeah. It does. It does.

I imagine it would bother you. No, I don't care. You know what so funny is that when I first started doing it, it's only because I can't do, I can't do like celebrity. I can't do like when someone's like, they do an impression of this famous person. I can do people I'm friends with if I can hear it. And I go, I think I can reach that in my voice.

Right. And yours is me just going, here. I just tuck it about. Here. Here. Yeah, Bobby's impressions are unmatched. Unmatched. Yeah, yeah.

Who do you do? Oh, my God, dude. Do the gangster. What? Do your gangster. What so, fool? Yeah. Oh, really good.

Yeah. What so, homie? And then do your British. guy. Hello. So good. Honestly, it was. My name is Benjamin. He's pretty good. Bungerman. Eight years on a sketch show, National TV. In your face,

dude. Damn. Yeah, yeah. Not SNL, I get it, but, you know. What's so funny? It was on TV. No, Matt TV ruled. Oh, yeah. Ari Spears. It was pretty good. Yeah, why don't, see, that's what you do. No, it was like, that's what you do? Well, if S&L is Coca-Cola, Matt TV was Pepsi. It was good.

It was fine. If someone was like, you want to watch SNL and they're like, is Matt TV okay? It's actually Crystal Pepsi because it's gone. Matt TV was very good. Did you feel like you were, did you feel like you were in second position? Yeah. Really? Yeah, that's called ratings.

No, but I mean, like didn't you feel like there were weeks where you were like, oh, this is, we're a much better show. Well, I mean, I knew we weren't because it's like when Matt TV ended, we ended when Amy Poehler retired from SNL, right? And immediately she's on TV shows. And then I remember waiting in line on these auditions. And I remember running into like Ike and Jordan, all these guys and like just back in line. Look at all the people from that show that are killing though.

Berenholtz, huge. Kegan and Jordan Peel. Yeah. I mean, he was on that? Yeah, dude. I didn't know that. They exploded. Isn't that crazy?

It really did. And the Kenny Rogers guy. What's his name? Will Sasson. Sasson. He's hilarious. They're so much. funny, funny people that came from that show.

And they just blew up. Yeah, me too. Michael McDonald. No, no, but they like blew up. Huge celebrities. Yeah, they became like, we were 18th on the variety thing. Yeah, but I'm saying like those other people. Yeah, yeah, that's, you know what?

That's a big deal. Domino's pizza. DMA Domino's pizza. It's my favorite. Do you remember when we were in high school and high school and you'd be sitting around and you'd be like, is someone going to get a dominoes? You know, like, who's going to get the dominoes? Yeah.

I'll get the dominoes. I used to steal money for my dad to get dominoes. You did? Because, you know what I mean, we couldn't, he wouldn't get it, so I would get it. Where did your dad hide money? What? Where did he hide his money? In his shoes.

Yeah, yeah. And I would grab that shoe money, right? And I would buy dominoes. Call dominoes up. And it's perfect. It's perfect. Whether you're by yourself, which I do, or you're with a group of friends, which Bobby loves. Yeah.

It's always good to order. It's community food. It's community food. But it could be you food. Yeah. It's all right. Yeah. I've eaten a whole pie.

I mean, I think I could eat two. You can eat it anywhere. Like, you're in a corporate environment. man. You know, with the CEO. Let's get some Dominion. But then you're a burning man with some hippies. That's right. Right? You share it there, right? Or? You're just in the park. Dude, it's great. And they've stepped up their game.

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That's Space 80, S-P-A-C-E-E-8-0 to match with the licensed therapist today. Go to Talkspace.com slash bad friends and enter the promo code. Space 80. Have you been with someone where you like think of something's going to land and they're like, I don't really like that kind of. Oh, the story of my life. What are you kidding? Doesn't have a million stuff.

That I go. Oh, my God. It's like my Budapest story with the Jamie Lee Curtis. Oh, yeah. Do you guys know this story? No, whatever. Oh, my God. That's long. I don't want to.

Just give the bridge version. So I'm doing this movie with Jamie Lee Curtis. We're in Budapest and she goes, meet me tomorrow. I'm going to give you, I'm going to show you something, some education. So we show up and there's a bunch of actors there. I don't know anybody. And this is like second day there. I don't know anybody.

I know. So you're self-conscious because you're like, they can see through me. I'm not talented. You know what I mean? Right. These are all real actors, you know what I mean? I don't know how I. got this, you know what I agree?

So we were by this river, and there was these bronze shoes along the river, right? And there was like this theatrical, like, Broadway star, Cheyenne Jackson. He's, like, this gay guy. And he's, like, super talented. He can sing, dance, all that stuff, right? Yeah, he's gay. You said that. And, and, okay, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and then Jamie goes, but during the 1940s, Nazi's occupation of Hungary, They lined up all these shoes and they shot them on the river and they pushed them into the river, right? And that's why we have these bronze, right? You know, I mean, shoes on the riverbanks, right? And the Cheyenne Jackson goes, he starts crying. And he goes, oh, my God. A little kid was shot here because look at these baby shoes.

And I don't know what came over here by go, it could have been a mid. And they all walked away from me, right? And I sat there staring at these shoes going, I think I'm fucking done. I think they're fired me. That's the end of the business. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's why Borderlands did bad.

You think so? That's why that movie tanked. It ruined the entire vibe in the film. But, you know, as a comic, with the comics there, if you guys were there. Yeah, it would have been fine, but it's like, you know, actors are just so sensitive. They're the worst.

They hate hanging out with them. They suck. They're not fun. How long did you, did you try to get on anything? I've auditioned for 9,000 things. I've never gotten one. Not one.

Really? Gone in the room, done the self-tape. I've gotten teachers and coaches. That's the eye contact. And maybe it's the eye contact. I said that to shade at the bar. Hey, don't do that. I was like, you, Norman can't hold it.

It's like a dog. You got to look away. I stare at you long enough. Can't do it. So like take off your glasses, look at me for a second. Come on. Yeah, yeah. Let's do it.

Let's do it. Let's do it. Yeah, yeah. Come on and try. Yeah. All right. Look at Andrew. He can't do it.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you can't do it. It's too intense. So you've never been on anything. Not a thing. You've done yourself on late night and stuff like that. I've done stand-up. But as an actor, you've never been in anything.

Zilch. I was at Horace and Pete. Oh, that was great. Which Louis saw me do a set. He was like, you're weird. You want to do with this show? And I was like, okay. Yeah, it was awesome.

But if you watch it, I am clearly the worst thing in it. The auditions are impossible. Impossible. The worst. I tried. I did like three ever. Yeah. And they were just, I did audition for Joker 2.

Mm. Oh. And filmed it. O'Connor just filmed me on his phone in my kitchen in Queens. And I was like fake smoking a cigarette. I was like, what are these guns doing? My line was just a racist line. Oh, you're better off not getting it.

That movie sucked in a way. Yeah. And then I didn't know you had to memorize the lines. I'm going to auditions and just read it. Yeah. just read the fucking script it's a lot of work okay people do though that's a thing there's certain like actors that can just get away with they'll bring the sides and if they're if their like attitude is is matches their talent they don't give a fuck if they read off the

lines that always I memorized everything I ever went out for like everything all the thousands of things I never got I would sit up all night memorize it then I would see like cool guy walk in with the sides and they'd come out smile and be like thanks a lot Tim and they love that well I thought I could do that yeah I could not I was nervous, armpits are sweating, I'm going. Mom's spaghetti. Like John Cho would be like, you know what I mean? We'd be on set about the film and he's like reading it.

I'm like, what are you doing? He's like, I'm memorizing it now. Whoa. Because when did you memorize yours? Three weeks ago. Yeah. Every day. Every day.

24 hours a day. Just laying in bed saying it. Like I was on the flight back to Chicago and who'd I sit next to? Who? You remember I called you and he goes, hey man, say how to your buddy, buddy Bobby leave for me and I said oh yeah for sure and he goes tell him I'm sorry and I he was super genuine and I was like sorry I mean I'm gonna all right I'll tell him you said it's up then I called you immediately and I said I remember why is he saying sorry yeah we don't have to say his name

so it was my first acting job right and I didn't know what a jib was I don't know anything about the terminology of course right and there was this thing where the camera goes into my face and I kind of would move my head back because I got scared and then I'd say a line and I just couldn't do it You know what I mean? Yeah. It was just like too much for me. You know what I mean? And the line was complicated or whatever.

But, you know, they cut the line, whatever. It's not necessary. And at the end of the day, I walked up to him when I go, hey, Mr. Will, thank you for the job. You know what I mean? And he had a cigar and he ashed in my face. No way. Get out of here.

Yeah, yeah. And I walked away, yeah. And he turned away, cry. Dude, I used to have directors go, get on your mark. No way. Yeah, in the 90s, yeah. Hey, hey, get on your The good old days

The good old days You should have done tires, man We could have relived Yeah But it's like You know me Back in the day They were fucking mean

Whoa And I thought These traumatic experiences But the term You're right about the terminology That I have no idea I don't act And then I did a movie

And the guy He's yelling to find the lens He's like look at the fucking lens Find the lens Yeah yeah I'm staring directly into the Oh yeah For the first three days

Anytime I was talking, I'm looking directly down the barrel of the lens. And then there's so many scenes that are ruined. And then on the fourth day, he says again, find the lens. And I'm like, you don't mean like look into the camera. And he was like, no. All right. Like started a scene and I was just like, we're not going to be able to use anything. Yeah, yeah, because we don't, I didn't take class.

Right. One day they're just like, do you want to be in this. That's crazy. You never did. And you show up and you're like, I can't do it. Yeah, that's scary. I was in training. Rick and Apatow directs.

So he's like one of these riff guys like, change it, make it your own, do it again. So you have to like think of stuff on the fly. And he walked over to me. He's like, he's supposed to be funny. Like I'm asking you to be funny. And I was like, oh, ah, and I was trying to be funny. Yeah, yeah.

And then I got cut. Hey, I was trying to be. Hey, I was trying to be. No, you know, it is, it's also painful when it's someone that like, I got one little tiny line in a Christopher guest show. you know that's yeah and he's phenomenal sure everything he's done but the audition was incredible and I did great and I thought this is awesome because we just improv did in the audition me and him and then on the day I'm supposed to die I'm a confederate soldier that gets shot and I did the scene

and he was like hmm is that how you would die and I was like fuck I don't know how to die and I kept thinking about like how to die and then I got more and more nervous Bronger did that with me and he's standing next to me and then Matt was like what are he going to do now I was like I don't fucking know so I got so nervous

I got so freaked out but the end what ended up happening is he was like you're supposed to be a man who thinks he's a confederate soldier would you

over dramatize it a little bit I was like maybe he's tell me what to do stuff dude yeah he leaves you a little breadcrack he wants you to get there which is kind of rad But then at one take, I thought it'd be funny to just be like obnoxious.

So I get shot and I go, oh, wow, wow, wow, and that's the one they used. That's great. Really? Yeah, that was all they got. Because at that point, I was like, well, I did everything I thought I should have done. Obviously, he doesn't care anymore. Maybe he's going to cut away from me anyway. So I did it.

And that's on the show. I slowly follow going, oh, wow, wow, wow, wow. And I was like, why would he? But that's why he did it to be like. Do something else. Be funny. Be silly. But it's hard to,

because it's either they're being, they're being like really harsh or they're like, I'm trying to trick your brain into doing something else. Well, the worst is trying to fucking improv. And they're just like,

cut. Yeah. Like McKeever, when we're doing tires, a lot of it, we're fucking around and just trying to find something funny and like,

I think I got a, you just hear someone who just cut, you're like, damn, damn. But you don't know, but you don't get, nervous on tires it's your show so you must feel comfortable and you're you on the show

yeah yeah yeah yeah that's that's where you want to get to that's the dream that's the dream is anybody not them on the show I'm trying to think no well like Kayla's Kayla's Kyle's Kyle's yeah but she but that's still a play out of like a a little a little really yes she's never acted or done comedy oh wow I thought she didn't she I thought she acted no we're just like you're be yourself as the best you can. So nobody, that's nobody. Stavros a little. He's like a mean guy.

Yeah. He acts like he likes Mom Dani. He's been doing that. Well, he wants that free grocery store. We got a guy in our crew that you have to do us one little favor at some point is let Carlos is a massive fan and take off your hat so you can see. You think that guy couldn't work in a mechanic shop? Holy hell.

That scared the shit out of me. We think you need to put him just walking through the background of tires at the shop because he's a mechanic. I mean, that's a born mechanic right there. Brother, I'm balding and I keep saying I'm going to be man enough to not fix it. Damn.

That's fucking wild. I respect it. Yeah. I respect it. You know how women have that thing about like the hat game guys that are like, what are they without the hat? Put the hat back on. Yeah.

Look at how fucking handsome this man is with a hat. It's unbelievable. I mean, that is the greatest chameleon I've ever seen in my life. Yeah, you look like movie director without the hat, your bus station. Child porn director. Yeah. And I know, Shane, that you offered me at Roland Tires. Yeah.

And I didn't do it because I just, at that time, I didn't want to do an Asian accent. But now I'm doing Asian accents again. So if you want to, you know what I mean? Hey, let me do his Asian accent. I do it on this thing all the time. I mean, if there was ever a part in there, you know what I mean? I do it for free. No, don't give them anything.

I think your character was going to have an American accent. Boo. It was going to be, you were going to be the interpreter for an Asian tire company. That's not what my agent said. My agent said that you have a thick Asian accent. We've, it's fluid. We'll finish the script day of. This guy's got such a good team.

They're always keeping them abreast on everything. They're the worst. They're the worst. He's a business manager that's 105. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. in high school dude

he is he I'll call that guy sometimes and I'm like hey we need to put money in the account so we can for our tour

and he's like we'll get around to it I'm like no we need it like now he also does Stevie Wonder's manager and stuff like you know what I mean

he does other people he does not do Stevie Wonder his manager not at Stevie Wonder his manager not it's just the manager all right so let's get Shane will give you a new part

let's can you you, let's see you do a scene then to pitch yourself to Shane. What are you talking about? What are you doing? You know, everybody plays themselves and you clashed more hard than any other people. That's good. I had no idea you were for him.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That makes sense. Well, he's an American citizen out. We've got to naturalize this past year. Yeah. So back off, ice. Yeah.

Give him, go ahead. Let's hear it. Here you go. Just give it to Bob. Oh, shit. Are you being real? Yeah, that's your audition for tires. Whoa.

All right. Are you being fucking real, dude? Yeah. What part am I playing? Uh, it's called Jing Chong Bingball. You'll be playing the role. Yeah, I'll be O'Connor. I'll be the lady.

Yeah. I'm going to be O'Connor. All right, here we go. Let's do it. All right. Hey, you're finally back. Where'd you go? Your car's ready.

We were watching the Penn State game at the diner. Very good playing. Cut. Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut. What is this? It's not gay. Who's that voice? Yeah.

I was sucking up. I play a character. Just be you. Yeah, be you. All right. A little more. Sucking up to Shane. I know.

I had made it too. You know what you did at the beginning of the podcast? Yeah. Just do that here. Ah. All right. You ready? Can I just, I need to resolve this.

What are you doing, guy? Just giving you, I'm trying to get you on the show. I know, but you're making it up really uncomfortable. I just want to get you on the show. Listen, dude. All right. I was just kidding. It's so funny.

to be like I haven't a side with someone but in front of the people okay come on all right get on the show don't interrupt me though you got it I won't okay yeah sorry about that hey you're finally back where'd you go your car's ready we were watching the Penn State game at the diner it's the same place let's the exact same voice that you did before you didn't even change it a little bit all all right well I'll just do it like this and the way I'm talking now no no no hey a little bit. Come on, maybe you're

nervous. Well, first of all, I'm absolutely nervous right now, dude. No, why?

I don't want to do this right now, dude. I don't like trying to read. Yeah, dude, I'm fucking drowning right now,

dude, I feel like I'm sweating. You're going to kill it. No, I'm not kidding. I'm drowning, dude. Come on.

It's so good. All right. Acting's hard. Come on. It's getting better. It is getting a little bit better. Do it as, you should do it in my,

do it as Norman. No. I can't do it. Anyway, go. Hey, you're finally back. Where'd you go? Your car's ready. We're watching the Pennstein game at the diner.

Very good playing. Do you like? What? They play on Saturdays. Oh, must have been a rerun. All right. Anyway, your car's ready. Here's the total cash of card.

$840? I only got one tire. Now we're getting somewhere. I recommend you get three more since one won't solve your hydroplaining problem. Why is it so expensive, dude? Is that your daughter? Yeah, I'm his American daughter. Don't worry, we're not ice.

You guys love that ice joke. That's the guy. Okay, what? Yeah, I'm... Oh, yeah, we're that cheap. Who's Cal? You. You just did it.

Oh. I thought I was Will. You're doing both. Oh, okay, good. That's the guy. You're sick, dude. Can you ask your American daughter to step away, sir? Let's have a private conversation.

You're scaring me, guys. What's going on? You didn't do the Korean. It probably speaks in Korean, clicks his tongue at Jules. Okay. I don't know how to say this in Korean. You're scared of me, guys. Is that Korean?

Yeah, I don't think you got the show. Can you speak Korean? I don't think you got it. Who wrote this, by the way? You did Carlos? Really good stuff. That's good. Carlos is a screenwriter.

Oh, no. It was good. Really? Former Avatar riders assistant. Was he hard to work with? Yes. Thank you. Who's that?

My mom's here. Oh, my Lord. Bobby's mom. My mom's here, dude. She looks younger than you. Mom. Oh, my God. Mom.

You do? What's going on, Mom? Who's the lucky guy? Hems! You know what, Carlos? We got to get you hymns, dude. We got to get you some hymns, dude. Holy hell. Because you know what?

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Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. Yeah, yeah. Hello, Mark. My friend Mark. Hi, Mike. Yeah, yeah. Nice to meet you.

Mrs. Lee? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Miss Lee. Yeah. Why? Because dad died. Dad died.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. Yeah. You were there. We were there, remember? That was a bad day. You ever thought about remarrying, getting back on the horse? No.

Did you ever have any fantasies after Dad died with other men or no? Okay. Why can we up front? Yeah, say it. When I was growing up, right, I would tell her everything. We were too old. Oh, right. I don't like old men.

Okay. You like a B.T.S. I like a younger. Yeah, young. But they're not going to go out with me. Well, how about 37? That's too old. Oh, yeah.

Oh, my 20? Yeah. Okay, okay. What do you, but what, how about, like, height you want? Did they have to be tall? Hmm? Do they have to be tall and big? Tall.

Tall. Tall, like how tall? Like how tall? Six, two. Six, two. Six, six, three. Right? Yes.

Remember those nasty things you said about me? Yeah. It's all come crashing down now. I'm 20 and I'm yeah. Good, good. Yeah. Do you like... Are you staying at the hotel?

Are you staying here? I better. Oh yeah. She can. You want to go to the president's suite? What are you doing? He can fix that throat. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's my mom. You know what? A little throat coat. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. You speak Korean? Oh, yeah. Oh, you do?

Yeah. You see his SNL audition? Yeah. Say something. You want me to say something. Pull it up. How you say, I love you in Korean. I think he says neuter?

How do I say it? How do you say? I love you in Korean. I don't know how racist I can be right. I don't want to actually do it. No, my mom can take it. Oh, okay. Well, you say, uh.

I love you in Korean is... Oh, man, I love you a long time. There is! Long time, no shit. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. So, I'm sorry.

Yeah, I love. Yeah, I love. Yeah. That sounds like the same, that sounds like the same rhythm when you walk into a sushi joint. You know, when I, when I say, Sama's heyo, it's the same thing. Okay. I love you. That means I love you, Citi, fish.

Oh. Yeah. Are you okay with the white man, the round eye? Or do you prefer? No problem with me. No problem. What's that? Doesn't matter colors.

Oh, really? Yeah. Even black? Oh, yeah. Whoa. You better watch out, Bobby. Spanish, you know. Spanish, yeah, well.

Did you ever date a black guy? Korean, yeah. Did you ever date a black guy or a Spanish man? Did you ever date a Spanish man? No. No? No, you have? No.

No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. No, it sounds like a little family secrets about that. Just dreaming, not real eye pin on it. Dreaming. I think you've only been with that, right? Yeah. What?

Yeah. Shane, come on. We've heard this before. Did you get work done on your face? Did you get any Botox or anything? Are you kidding? You didn't give me money for that. Yeah.

You got to pay for it, buddy. You look great. I see you were. 82 what we expect. Wow, 82, dude. You look amazing. Yeah, I'm gonna live up to 100. Yeah.

I hope so, Mom. No, no, me. No, I want you to. Yeah, yeah, you won't. No, no, she was. No, no, no, 90. You think I'll die in 90? 100.

You want to go 100. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But how old will he, he'll be 90 when he dies? No, he's gonna be 100, too. Wow. Oh, I don't know. 30 more years, Bob. In our DNA, so.

Oh, we have long livers. Yeah, my father live after 90s. about the 96 years yeah but but not on dad's side of the family yeah they die early yeah you're my line oh yeah you're such a nice mom she's oh yeah she put me through three rehabs oh wow yeah yeah oh my god yeah those are good they go old days We have too. Yeah, but you know, I'm sober now again. Yeah, for what?

For what? Drinking? Yeah. Pussy. I don't smoke. No, I'm sober. You are? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't know how long, but. No. Almost four years again. Oh? Four years almost again. How come it's always four years? I relapse every four years. It does feel like four years, yeah.

Every four years, I relapse. Yeah. It's almost time, the witching hour. Yeah. it's coming yeah do you think I will tonight I hope not I'd like to be around there for that

I would see that I would hell yeah oh really please god down yeah tell them what I'm like it's really not fun were you really were you sober when you drove me home

from that comedy club that time I don't think I was I don't think I was because we drove for like three hours yeah yeah I don't think I was of the comedy club and I didn't want to say anything yeah I was watching

and just miss every exit on the GPS wow that's the Asian I know I couldn't tell And then, oh yeah, no, you were definitely not sober because you were like, we better hurry, hurry up and get home because these bills are about to kick in. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, did you know your mom was going? No, we should have told you. No, you know what? No, you should have told. Yeah, it was a big surprise. Got it. Thank you. Yeah, I didn't get so many times.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What? He does it all the time. Oh, all right. He loves it. Yeah, he loves it. Yeah, he got me too. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Once it starts, they're plotting our demise. Yeah. You smell it, Mom? Mm-hmm. Uh-huh.

I haven't also like a dog. I can smell, you know, far away. Yeah. That was for your dad. That was for the dad. That was for Rapa. Yeah. What's his name, Rick Shaw?

All right. 319. That makes sense because you'd have to have the league. Yeah, yeah. Charlie That's great We're having a good time Mom, what have you been doing, though?

What have you been doing with yourself? I assume Yeah, yeah A lot of things Like tell me I do iPad all day I have two of this

Yeah, yeah You have two iPads? Yeah, yeah Because one you bought for me One Stephen bow for me Okay That's all you take him all day Yeah, yeah

She's the iPad queen She loves the iPad You know, like I play, you know, games. Solitaire. Solitaire and war the game, you know. Yeah, yeah. War game. Well, Korean War?

Yeah. No. English. I don't talk very much. Well, tell us about the Korean War. You're a kid, right? Oh, I was like seven. Seven.

Whoa. What was the worst thing you saw at the Korean? It was just fun. You know, there are people on the street. What? Dead people on the street. Oh, she is. Yeah, yeah.

We live by the mountain, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a lot of people, you know, on the mountain. Yeah, dead mountain people, huh? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And did you poke their bodies?

And what'd you do? You stole their shoes. What did you do? I mean, when you walk by. Yeah, yeah, I shouldn't, I don't have to poke them. Oh, was it scary? Because I was so young, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's a team was like games, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I don't have a bad memory about war, you know. Oh, okay. So how'd you get out? I never fight with them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

So embedded to the west and south. Yeah, we know how it went. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you like North Koreans? No. I don't have a reason to hate them. Yeah. Good to answer, Mom.

Except, you know, politics. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They are the same people. They are the same people, yeah. They look the same. You love all Asians. You love all Asians? No, not the Japanese.

Not the Japanese. I love, you know. What do the Japanese do to us? They conquered, I mean, they, what do you know, the occupied? Occupied. They're mean. They're mean.

No, 37 years? Yeah, 37 years. Oh, very mean. You know what dad told me once? We couldn't eat because they took all our rice to Japan. You don't take the rice. You don't take the rice. Yeah, that's why we, you know.

Take everything. Leave the rice. Right. It was so short that time. Yeah. The Korean is the tallest one in Asia. Yeah. But during that time, we couldn't eat.

Yeah. There's like a shrink. Then after Korean world, they grow up, so now they are kind of average. Life seven, baby. Yeah. You think I'm average? I think I'm small. You think I'm average?

You think I'm average for being Korean? I don't think so. I'm my family. In your family, in the family, in the family, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think I am, no, Eddie, my cousin. No, my family.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what Dad said once? You know what Dad said once about the Japanese? Long time ago, they used to tie us a Korean by ankle with a rope. Right. Hang us upside down. Yeah, I'm like, okay, Dad.

And they took her the nails. Yeah, yeah. cake nail, right? And then he said, Is that why you guys own those salons? Is that how it started? All right.

It's a good question. That's actually fair. Yeah, it's a fair question. Yeah, that's actually maybe true. It's a fair. And he said, they used to dunk us in a boiling water. Whoa.

Yeah. So you'd pop in a layer with skin, you know what I mean? And then eventually you would die. But that was eight years old when dad told me that. Holy. Holy.

They have to, like, you know, experts from, they put the, you know, experience, you know. What? For Korean, like Jewish. Oh. Oh, the tattoo. Yeah, chemical things. Oh, the chemical things. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm getting, not the people, they don't know. Yeah. It's the military, the military. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why we had to drop a bomb on them twice. Yeah, because I want me that. Morag message, I got the moragged.

He just, we dropped the bomb on them twice. Twice? Hiroshima and Nagasaki. The ones? No, twice. You'd think one would be enough. Yeah, yeah. They didn't learn.

They didn't what for again. Yeah, yeah. I think we did drop one. They did the first. They did it to. Well, Pearl Harbor. They started it. They started.

They started it, those bastards. Yeah. They deserved it. They kind of. Oh, they're going to help me, you know. Who? I cannot go Japan anymore. If you say one thing like that,

you cannot go to Japan. Shane, any questions about my mom or no? No. Well, you're nervous. Do you know who? Don't tell me any question. Yeah. Do you like Dennis Rodman?

Is that your name? No. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes, that's Dennis Roman mom. Yeah. He played for the bowls.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Who's that guy that knocked up your mom? Dennis Rodman. He's selling out arenas all over the country doing stand-up. It's wild. Mom, he's the biggest comedian on Earth, planet Earth. Oh, really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sorry. I don't watch anything. That's okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's, he's really good. What's his name? Shane Gillis.

Shane Gillis. Same? Yes, exactly. Shane? Yes. Shane. Shane. Shane.

Oh, my God. It's harder than my name. Yeah, yeah. What's your name? Jungja. That's what I guessed. That's what I guessed. Hold on, what is it?

Chengja. Cheongja. Hey, you better remember that. You got to remember that. I can't feel bad. Here's what we'll do. We thank the boys so we can get,

they can rest and get ready for the show and then we'll finish with the family. Okay, great. All right. Thank you so much. Thank you guys. I love you guys. I love you guys.

I love you guys. I love you guys. I see a date. All right. Welcome to bad friends. The 300th episode. Today we have jewels, Rudy Jules, Juliana. And then we got my mom.

And Miss Lee. Miss Lee's here, my mom. And wow, let's go around the room what we're grateful for. Oh, yeah, that's what we do at 300. All right, well, you want to stop? Yeah, what are you grateful for? I'm grateful for you

I really I really am honestly I am grateful for you thank you I think that we we have a good thing going here we got a good thing going and I'm really blessed

you are I'm also grateful for my mom still being alive hell yeah and looking so good at 82 that's 25 more years yeah she's a great mother

and she can still count, which is amazing. She can still count, which is amazing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's kind of you guys' thing. Do you know the ABCs? Exactly.

And that's what's good about that, too. Yeah. Because she knew what I said. She did. She doesn't... She doesn't... She doesn't want to share it. She wanted to brag.

And so I'm grateful for my mom. You know what I mean? She has her door to Explorer haircut, which is pretty cool. I like it. Yeah, so pretty. Yeah. Did you dye it?

What's going on with your hair, ma? Today, we're going to be Korean. I like your hair. It looks. really nice yeah yeah very nice die and have a little bit rich yeah jules is growing up you know

your hair's gotten so long too you long are you gonna keep it gone how long down like down to the floor oh yeah why you think that looks good mingle maybe is that a thing in Filipino culture to have really long hair yeah like

girls always have really long hair you have like a share thing going on remember share chair chair yeah remember share she's not dead you remember share no she's still alive do you believe

what Bono Bono Bono's alive No no Sonny Bono Oh Sunny Bono

Oh Sunny Bono Remember a tree killed him A tree killed Sunny Bono A tree He was skiing He was skiing And it you know He had a tree

He had a tree And he died which if you've ever gone skiing is pretty hard to do to like hit a tree and die because it's easier to avoid them if you've skied before yeah yeah right wasn't he like a good skier probably not burn real burn mom

I've been seeing a girl for eight months it's never mind not no she's not Korean no very sweet she's white pretty she's white though I know but Well, Hongkia,

not it, America? Yeah, America. Well, you're over 50. I cannot control you. What kind of girl do you want him to be with?

I'm not going to say it. You never going to have one. No, a Korean girl. You want a Korean girl. They don't like me, Mom. Yeah, they do. You don't try. I try all the time.

You don't try with Korean girls. Korean girls don't like me. He likes white girls. He doesn't go for Korean girls. No, I like a lot of Korean girls, dude. They don't like me. Biguishita. They think I'm Biggishiro.

What does that mean? Hideous? Ugly. Yeah. Biggishito. I got it. Yeah. You're not Biggishira.

I'm Biggishita. You just look like me. You are not Biggishiro. No, no. I look like Dad. Dad was Biggishiro. No. Yeah, yeah.

You were the pretty one. And Mom, Dad, Steve looks like you. And everyone goes, I look like dad and dad was ugly. He wasn't ugly. He wasn't ugly. I have your humor. Yeah. Yeah.

He wasn't ugly. Yeah. He has your brain. and your heart and your heart and he's got his father's body. How he knows about me? See, I can feel it. Steve's a lot more like dad.

Steve is, our brother, my brother. Daddy is very smart man. I mean, street smart, you know. Yeah, street smart, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like you? I'm street smart? No. I'm not.

You're brain in my family, okay? What? You got brain. I got a brain. Good brain, good brain. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You respect. your mom, that's a good brain.

Well, yeah, that you have to do. Yeah, I respect my mom. You better. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you sing, mom? I never heard you sing growing up. Going up? Like sing.

Do you sing? Oh, yeah. Nobody likes me singing. No, I want to hear. I want to hear some singing. So I sing all by myself because I want to, you know, don't forget the, in the lyrics and Korean and English. Will you sing?

Will you sing right now? Raise me up? No, I'm not going to. Please. Raise me up. You raise me up. You raise me up. Yeah.

Come on, come on. I don't, I don't remember. Edovice. Edova. You don't like it. Oh yeah. You raise me all so I can stop.

She got the wrong one. You raised me up. You raised me up. Yeah, you raised me up. Okay, okay, let's go. Ready? And I am down and all my soul. This is a chill in there,

we tried. I tried. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. When I am down and all my soul so weary, when troubles come. What is the first one? Is this by Josh Grob and the one you have over there? Here we go, ready.

so I can stand on mountains. You raise me up to walk on stormy seas. I am strong when I am on your shoulders. You raise me up to more than I can be. Yeah. Thank you, bad friends, for 300 episodes. We love you. I hope we do 300 more, maybe more than that.

we really appreciate the fans we love you guys so much thank you thank you thank you thank you for being a bad friend I think it's a-boh.