Bad Friends - Should I Be Scared?

Episode Date: March 16, 2020

Watch on YouTube: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube ...Thank you to our sponsors: http://manscaped.com code: badfriends & https://www.shipstation.com/ code: BADFRIENDS & Download DoorDash and use code BADFRIENDS Bad Friends is a comedy podcast with hosts Bobby Lee & Andrew Santino. In this episode we talk our fears of getting on elevators with old people, prep for the virus, and introduce the new segment "Malo Noticias". More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com/ More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com/ More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Produced by George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Anchor if you haven't heard about anchor It's the easiest way to make a podcast. Let me explain. Oh, please It's free. Awesome. That's cool These are there are creation tools that allow you to record and edit your podcast right from your phone or your computer You do it from your phone like on the go. Oh my god That's cool the bus or the subway you can do it. That's cool Anchor will distribute your podcast for you so it can be heard on Spotify Apple podcast and many many many many many many more You can make money from your podcast too. No minimum listenership. How about that? You can make money with no minimum listenership

It's everything you need to make a podcast all in one place. Where do we have to go Bob? Download the free anchor app or go to anchor.fm to get started. I was in Washington with Kalilah and And we're at a restaurant and The lady next to us dies Shut up. She started choking. No, she's just collapsed You know, I mean and Kalilah gets up And she's not because Kalilah's a nurse so she's doing like compressions on the chest. Yeah, and everyone's calling 911

It's chaos and Kalilah looks up and I have my iPad with me and I'm playing Candy Crush Oh my gosh. Bob, friends. You ready? You ready to start it? We are to start it. What are you wearing? Oh, you're doing jokes. You're doing a fucking You're doing you're doing a fucking welcome back to bad friends. You're doing a joke. No, I'm trying to stay protected It's so dumb what you're doing right now. I have no idea what's gonna happen, Bob But you're but you but you're saying that I'm Chinese. I didn't say you're Chinese Then why I don't I where's my suit? You don't what if I get sick from who from you?

Yeah, but you're You're closer to the no, it's fucking racist. It's not racist. Yeah It's like one that what politician was saying is the china corona virus. First of all, I'm not Chinese But you're close. It's not close at all because I'm an American. I've never even been there You've been to Korea Yeah, like 10 years ago to do a music video who knows if it started 10 years ago And it just latched on to you and held on for a long time. Oh, you fucking idiot We do have a we can we have can we get his suit, please? No, I don't want one. I don't need one

You just don't even don't even give me one. Don't even give me one because the thing is is that it's a bit You know, he's guys doing some sort of snl bit. This isn't a bit You can do some sort of like scientist character now. No, I'm just are you the who guy now? I'm just trying to stay safe Do you like some of the new art that got put up? Look behind you? Beautiful darling. You're pure gold Honestly, dude, you know, you gotta stop shopping on Ikea. No, no, this is your I said to George Let's get first and let's go to Ikea. I said to George the meatballs I said George get some great stuff and he got some great stuff here. Can we show give me scissors? Do you have scissors?

I can't take this off. Whoa. Whoa. I know bob. I spent so long He spent so much time putting that up I was a target for like an hour and a half yesterday choosing all this stuff target. Yeah, yeah He picked out some great stuff like one of the like top 300 podcasts in the world. You're gonna fucking put go to target See what I mean. You do set up all this for one laugh See what happens And now you're embarrassed

You're like, oh should I take this suit off or not? No, I'm gonna leave the suit on but I want to show you some of the other cool art Look at the roses. Look at the roses. Look at that. That's a tapestry. Does that remind you of home? There you go. Thank you, bob Bob. Oh god. Look at this. Look at look at how cute that is little wreath. Look at this flower It's just like that. We're in that movie fucking summer summer. What's that movie with the score movie summer summer? Yeah. Yeah Oh my god. Uh-oh. Oh Hey, look at nose. Look it knows what does it knows It knows what it knows

See nothing knows nothing. It knows. Here's another thing, dude. What? Last night. What? Get out of here Yell at him more. Yell at him more Give me scissors so I can cut this down See what you did right there. Give me those scissors so he's got I'm gonna cut it down because I want you to be honest. Look, it's a I just want to stay stay stay stay stay stay Stay stay Last night I'm at the comedy store and so I'm bringing up Chris Dahlia on stage. Yeah And we do a little banter and you know, so he he he makes a scene like from from the audience because we're friends

So he makes you know a little banter and like About a phone call we had or whatever. Yeah And then afterwards these these two frat jockey dudes that walk up to me after the show. Hey, what's up, bro? We're not fucking love you, Bob. Yeah. No, they don't do that. They go. You know, Chris Dahlia Because you like did a banter with them I go bitchy bitchies. He knows me as well Ooh, little bitchy bitchies. You didn't like it that they didn't know who you were. Is that what it was that they and they go Can we meet him? Yeah, as if I'm sort of like now his agent or his like publicist or something. Well, could you make it happen?

I did. Okay. I didn't mean great Okay, I didn't mean great And then then and then Bob Saget every time I see Bob Saget now For the last 15 years He doesn't say Hey, Bobby He didn't say, you know, hey, how's life?

This is what he says He always says um, what is his opening line? He says, um I almost didn't recognize you with clothes on Uh, well, bitch be bitchy bitch Bob Saget Papa not a nudist Bitchy bitch. Hey bitchy bitch Papa wears clothes all the time. Do you really? Twice I got naked on something that he saw me on. You're an exhibitionist for sure. You do get naked a lot

Not as an older man bitchy bitch Don't come out. I'm not Bob Saget. Oh, that's right. Sorry my bad. Don't come out at me here. I'll be Bob Saget ready Yeah Hey, Bob One time I fucked Michelle on set. Oh He does that on stage. I know he talks about fucking the kids from uh, full house on stage. I know It's funny though. It's not It's gross. Yeah, it's disgusting. Those were kids. He did the show with kids. It's creepy. Stop. I don't like it at all

I don't like it. I don't like it. He literally goes like hey one time. Michelle is looking my butt I don't know who the Michelle is. Is that a good one? That's a little girl. It's a little tiny baby. Oh, that was a wife In the show, oh, Michelle's a little one. He didn't have a what he was gay on the show Oh, he was wasn't he gay on the show? She shows a little one. Michelle's the baby Oh You don't do that to the baby dude. He used to make jokes about I saw him do it the factory a long time ago I don't know if he still does that stuff. He was gay on that show though. Wasn't he? Was he was he gay now? Is he gay now? I don't think so. No, but I think on the show he was gay

He's a nice guy though. I don't know. I love him. He just you don't know. I don't know him You know, I love all those old we don't know each other. I like him. I like, um Um, Howie Mandela a lot. I don't know him either. You don't? No He likes what I like. Um, Lou Louie Andrew Louie Anderson. Yeah Um, he's a very interesting man. Why are you upset right now? Did you have a bad night last night? You bitchy Tell me what happened. Hey bitchy bitch. Did you have a long night last night? No, I'm gonna tell you something right now

What I say to you privately, I didn't you don't have to talk about it come in here. Yeah Isn't necessarily stuff and I already told you I already told you that I didn't even want to talk about nothing We're not gonna talk about it. Okay, but you know, I you were up all night. I was up all you got no sleep That's all you have to say at no sleep last night. So you're bummed. I'm sorry. Yeah And do you think it's depleting your immune system and you might get corona? Hey, man, huh? Are you gonna keep with this corona virus stuff? It's what's happening What five people have it five people have it In LA maybe thousands of people have it in on planet earth. You know how many people live on planet earth? How many?

at least 500,000 There's no way it's that high. There's millions of people that live on earth. There's billions of people that live on planet earth and it's like, um You know, if I if I would like in in wu haa wuhan wherever that places wuhan, you know, I mean Wuhan, you know the Chinaman on it, you know the Chinaman that live there So racist I'm sorry. No, the Chinese beautiful Chinese people that live there. Mm-hmm There's a billion people that live there if I brought you to a beach

Right if I brought you so how many people died from it three three thousand maybe how many people have died so far in in China A lot three thousand. I think upwards of five or six thousand If let's suppose that's the case. That's a lot. Okay. Go ahead. Let's suppose it but there's a billion people that live there That's like if I said hey on this beach one grain of sand on this beach Has the coronavirus So don't put your foot on it. You would be you would you would be making sand castles running around the beach You wouldn't give a fuck bro 125,000 cases

Forth 4,500 deaths on earth. Yeah, you know how many people died from uh, the flu hiv How many people died from hiv? I don't know a year. In fact today Did you hear what happened? No the second case ever of hiv got cured in london Oh in the history of hiv the second guy on earth. Yeah cured Oh, so we can we cure we can cure the hiv now. Oh, we can free ball it now. We can free ball Oh Don't use condoms. Don't use condoms. Dude. How crazy is that the second guy on earth? It's so funny because it's like all these little cure things happen when I

You know, so for instance, you know, I got a long-term relationship So no, I that doesn't even matter to me. What the hiv? Yeah, because I I can't free ball up with random women because I'm in a relationship And it's the same thing. I got sober and then they legalized marijuana Yeah, you want to come back? No, I can't do any of those anymore. That's good thing though, right? Look, this is still a climbing number. This is still gonna keep going You know, some of the fans have sent in videos saying that they're fighting corona And they want to show you how they're fighting corona. Can I show you how some of them? This is this is tevin frame

He's fighting corona his own way. Yeah, here's tevin. Let's see what he has to say. Okay. Mm-hmm What's up, bad friends? I heard you guys were looking for a video about how I'm fighting against the coronavirus. So here it is Right now. I'm following a strict regimen of Supplements that I take three times a day these supplements include elderberry syrup vitamin c and locally sourced honey Now I know what you're thinking. It's good. How did these products help me fight against the corona virus a 24 movie? Oh Cute wipe it on the dog. The truth is I don't know But I haven't gotten the corona virus yet. Maybe I have some natural ability to understand it. Tell me what you guys think

What a cute young man. He's a cute guy. What do you think? Do you think he's doing all the right things? It looked like it This one. This is from uh cara gray Sounds like a porn star, but it's not look if she looks russian Russia she says I'm fighting corona virus knives like 15 knives in her pocket. So I sell I sell bootleg DVD of bad boys Hey guys, my name is cara and I am dealing with the coronavirus But hang out with all the dogs at my work like beautiful princess lacy

Oh I love dogs. So cute. You want to carry in the world. Yeah, but also I like girls that look like that But also is there a skinner skin so white. Is this dog blind? She's chinese. Does that dog have no eyes? Oh my god. Look at that fucking dog I just have no eyes. Yeah, I don't get it. Look this. Oh, maybe it was a china. Maybe it's high chinese This is a wuhan dog. It's a wuhan dog. This is a wuhan dog. Oh boy. Well, cara, you're done But wuhan dogs when they're alive. That's a good thing. That is a good thing This is uh, jeremy, uh, what does that say lanasa this guy is in texas drunk

He sent me this drunk in texas. Look what he's doing ready? Yeah Oh god even his his wife or girlfriend said you're disgusting. It cuts it off. But look he's looking this table this park bench Oh, no, thanks. No, thank you. No. Thank you. He definitely has it and this last one is a great song This was sent in This is sent in from Craig Lee shaman a look at this Oh Shit, how good is that song? It's a real who wrote it? We don't know but we have a translator Andres can translate. What is he saying right there some of that stuff?

It's saying take care Corona virus is around take care corona virus around listen the rest of he'll keep translating ready What does that say Perfect, what's put it up a peepie? No corona virus is corona virus in Spanish corona videos exactly So he's just saying corona corona corona corona corona virus Okay Let's hear the rest ready What is he saying it's saying I have a headache my knees hurt I put my mask on and take my pills

Here we go What is that what was the last part I don't know Oh, no, did you cut your nuts Bob? I did man because I used to fucking dress a razor from prison Wow, don't do that anymore now you can use manscape because manscape has the lawnmower 3.0 and their third generation trimmer advanced skin-safe technology So you ain't gonna cut your nuts. Oh the manscape engineering team spent 18 months Perfecting the greatest bald hair trimmer ever created and just released the new and improved lawnmower 3.0 You know, I'm not kidding one time I was in the shower and I was shaving with my old buzzer Yeah, and I cut the underside of my nuts and I didn't notice that I cut it and I was showering

Yeah, and it looked like a like a like a horror movie. I was looking down and there's blood dripping down my leg Oh my god, I thought I was I thought I had I thought I had hemorrhoids. Yeah, I used to just pluck them Just pluck hairs out of your nose. It was so painful. Yeah, I just pluck them But now I literally use this fucking man. Yeah, yeah Yeah, I use I actually use one on my face and one on my nuts just because it's soft on your face Let's not forget about the charging stand. No, yeah, you can you have a charging stand. Yeah, it's really nice Look, you can you can you can shave your nuts with a million different things, but the manscape tools are the right tool for your tool Try it out and get 20% off plus free shipping when you use the bad codes bad friends at manscape.com

Once again get 20% off free shipping with the code bad friend at manscape.com your partner your pp and your balls are gonna tank you All right, thank you so much for the translation No, really that I appreciate it. That was some great fans the middle. Thank you guys for telling us how are you guys are fighting coronavirus? I appreciate it very much. Yeah, but I called my I was gonna try to think I was think I have to go to Denver right now Are you canceling shows? Well, I was called I called my people I go on are people cancelling or that they're not yet, buddy Dude, I'm like Nikki Glaser just texted me this morning literally on the way here and was like, hey, are you around? I'm in LA. I'm can't I've canceled Seattle so and I was like I just I'm about to sell out Seattle for next month and I think it's all gonna get canceled all that stuff

Yeah, I think I'm already gonna cancel Houston. Maybe uh, Ontario. I don't know no tears. No tears right here I'll just drive there. That's close Wait a minute Houston, you're gonna cancel all that stuff. I'm scared of what I'm gonna cancel I'm supposed to go to bought. I'm supposed to go to Connecticut next week. Yeah, I'm but I was calling about them and they're like, well You know, no one else is doing. I mean we we canceled Coachella and all these gigantic festival I don't see the difference between they go, but clubs are fine But but it's still people congregating in an area. It's all the same. Are you scared?

Be honest. I think that if I get it I'm the type of guy that's gonna die from it. Why because it might have weak lungs because you smoke. Yes, cuz I smoke But you're still healthy. Well, I don't have like any physical. I don't have diabodo diabetes diabotus Diabetes and I don't have um Bobby got diabetes. I don't have any of those things But I um, I think I'm always on the fence, you know, like my doctor was my doctor was I was always was always like Yeah, you're you're on the fence up on a lot of things. Really? Yeah, I don't think so. Yeah, you're not a fucking doctor Yes, I am. Yes, I am. Give me your pulse. Give me a wrist. I'm gonna read your pulse. Come here One two three four five six nine twelve

Okay, you're fine. I Well, I know it works. No, but I'm saying I did the math. You're fine. You're good Are you being real open your mouth? Let me see open your mouth open your wide open your wide make a noise go Perfect No, look, I have no training. Yes, I do I took CPR You know, I was CPR certified because I was a lifeguard and used to have to go one and two and three and blow one and two and three And blow and now they don't want you to touch their mouth. You're supposed to just punch them as hard as you can in the chest Until they wake up. Yeah, I'm the type of guy that wouldn't do that

Like if I'm at a restaurant if I was if you me you would you'd you'd punch you would push my chest You would compress my chest. There's no way you wouldn't try to save my fucking life I play candy crush or something while I'm dying. Yeah, because this actually happened. I was in remember I was in Washington. I was in Washington with Kalilah and we're at a restaurant and The lady next to us dies. Shut up. She started choking. No, she's just collapsed You know, I mean and Kalilah gets up

And she's not because clouds are nurse so she's doing like compressions on the chest. Yeah, and everyone's calling 911 It's chaos and Kalilah looks up and I have my iPad with me and I'm playing candy crush I'll tell you why I'm not doing because I'm evil. No, but well, she's not doing it No, it's not because because it was just so gnarly. Yeah, I had to just like do something else Yeah, no, I get it and I have another thing that I do that. I don't really talk about but if I'm on an elevator and Anyone over the age of 60 walks onto the elevator. I'll get your breath. No, I'll get off the elevator Peer any time every time why because especially if I'm alone in the elevator because if this person dies I'll probably just leave. Yeah, you know, I mean and because I don't want to I don't know how to call and I don't know

What who to call? I don't know what papers to sign. I don't know who to interview I got shit to do. You don't have you don't have to do almost any of that If you died in an elevator and you're just by yourself when you have you can't just leave You would just go somebody died in there and then they show up and then the paramedics help them Okay, so let's get this let's play this out. Okay. All right I'm in an elevator. Yeah, old man walks in The old man walks in and he goes Hello, young man. I was in the Korean War because all old people always say something like that

Or they'll say, you know, I love that Chinese restaurant down the street and I'll be like, okay, cool Dead right Elevator open I call. Hi, um Is this is this the hospital? I don't know the call is this hospital. Well, you got to call 911. Oh fuck 911 911. Yes An old man died What's the address? I don't know No, I'll be right back and I gotta run outside. I gotta look at the address. It's five five four four three

What's sir, what are we on did a tambourine tambourine? What's the eight? California, California. Oh fuck, California. Tambourine nine nine five five four three California tambourine Okay, well then um the ambulance will be there as soon as possible Can I leave? No, you have to go back in with the man going right now. Oh fuck. It's I run back in Fuck I gotta do something I gotta put my mouth in his mouth I Leave the elevator. I'm leaving the elevator to go back outside. I'll probably have a cigarette

Now by this time though Oh, yeah, yeah, sir. Yeah, yeah, are you the man that called the police? I am the one. Okay. What happened to the man? Where is he? Get with me right now, come on Is that him right there Of course, I know there's another dead guy around the block sir. I don't need your attitude I'm just trying to find out how this man died and when he died. Did you make him shit or poop? Did you make him poop? So you caused this man to throw up and have diarrhea inside of this elevator?

Well, because they put my mouth on his mouth turn around sir. You're under arrest turn around you're under arrest That's it that's what happens. That's why I don't want to be in the elevator. That makes perfect sense That makes perfect sense. Now look at me Bob. I'm being serious. I I'm gonna get out of an elevator next time I see an old man. Yeah, 65 is a little young though 70 make 70 want to play it safe. You know me. Yeah, and it's like I hold my breath That's why I thought you're gonna say that. Yeah, I don't like the way people smell I don't like strong smells in a tight space. Yeah, so when I get an elevator people at a hotel, I go And you hold your breath yep until I get to my floor Wow, I just don't like people smells

I don't like to and you you know when you get an elevator and you can Smell them you'd smell them. Yeah I guess I do it with a certain ethnic group. I don't want to get into the yeah, we should let's get right into it. I Don't want to which ones you not Want to get into it cuz I don't want to get in trouble. Let me get can I guess if I guess I guess we can play that How about this if I guess it right you just touch the table once All right, here we go ready. Okay black people I

I knew it. I knew it. Okay Mexicans Okay, anybody from the Middle East What about whites there's only people you don't Asians So it's only white people the only people that you I don't know why it's maybe I'm like reverse racism in my mind Well, uh, white smell I'll never forget the line that I'm kidding They know we're joking they know it's like I don't want people to go crazy what what Shawn Wayans had a great line And don't be a menace. I think it was they were like

Something I don't know how the scene got to it But he goes why people all look at like and they smell like baloney and I thought that was such a funny They smell and all they all smell like baloney. Yeah, and I was like, do we smell like do we smell like baloney to me? You guys smell like I remember like um, what do I smell like to you? You I because I think your visual always affects the way you smell just like food. Yeah, it smells like what you think To me, you're so Americana to me. So when I look at you I smell A baseball glove like the leather of the baseball glove love that yeah, and then mixed in with Apple apple pie a little bit and my favorite kind of pie like coffee like a Folgers coffee

Love can't yeah. Yeah, and then I also smell just a little hint of the noose Of a noose of a noose from hanging. Yeah from hanging because I like hanging out Hey, because I like hanging out history. Who's you guys? White people do do you think I have do you think anybody in my family owned slaves? Honestly, yeah, you do Maybe I'm Irish and Italian you think any of these these people owned slaves. I'm not rich from the south I'm not like a rich white guy from the south. I think if you go back Maybe a little bit maybe that you have one funky uncle that like you know, I mean did some funky shit with some funky black people

I don't know. We do have funky Frank the uncle. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, maybe he did. Yeah, I mean we I guess you know If you look at my history, right, there's probably some you probably owned slaves your family probably owned slaves in Korea We're yeah, yeah, we in sleigh. Yeah, no no the first of all for 60 years Japan occupied Korea That's right. We were you guys had slaves though Koreans had slaves Like who? Taiwanese no, no, we never did we never occupied nobody you never occupied anybody. No, we were oppressed, you know We were we're always that's why Koreans are so strong Because we were able to survive all the suppression and and we are a resilient people the Koreans ever have slaves

I want to know that's insane that you would why would you even Google that the Google's not gonna even know that slavery in Korea Slavery in Korea existed since antiquity the practice of slavery in South Korea is illegal the forms of modern slavery such as human trafficking still exists North Korea slavery is practiced by the country's regime Yeah, in North Korea. Yeah, well South Korea meter reports the abuse and exploitation of people with disabilities on rural islands On rural islands they they They use in 20. Yes, so you guys exploited disabled people on rural island salt farms in Sinan County been described as slavery Fuck you you guys handy. Look at this you guys exploited

Disabled people in salt farms in Sinan County and that's in 2015 five years ago So yeah, you had slaves you got them still you take mentally challenged people and you make them work in the salt farms What else are gonna do we do it here at McDonald's? Right here at McDonald's with the fry guy. That's not slavery. They pay him. Oh, they do. Yes. They pay those Shit by the way, do you even know what salt farms are? I've never heard of a salt farm in Sinan County Oh, it's literally just salt mining. Look at how beautiful that facility is. Oh, yeah, it looks nice everyone's so You know what there's a little spa in there. Yeah, this looks nice. This looks like a safe nice place to work Yeah, that looks nice. That's a beautiful salt for a salt farm

In Sinan County's been all right, dude I didn't know that about modern slavery. I apologize on behalf of my people. All right Is that we're Sinan County by the way? Oh, it's the South South part of South Korea the most southern South part of South Korea Yeah Bob, have you ever sold stuff online? Oh All the time. Yeah, when you're selling on line getting your orders can be a real pain. Can it not? Pain in the tush. That's right. They can that's why you need shipstation.com It's the fastest easiest and most affordable way to manage and ship your orders

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It's well worth it because you get a better deal when you ship out more stuff No wonder ship stations the number one choice of online sellers and right now bad friends The listeners can get 60 days hey, you can get ship station for free for 60 days. That's two months when you use offer code Bad friend. There's no risk start your free trial whenever entering your card info go to shipstation.com Click on that microphone at the tis op at home paid and type in bad friends make ship happen Also want to mention about um Oh, since we're talking about older white people. Yeah, I

I always get you know, I always get like reformed white old white people like really old type people try to talk to me Yeah, like maybe like 40 or 50 years ago. They were on the road like yeah So I was at a Barnes and Noble like I was in Idaho or something. Yeah, do the last the last one I guess yeah, and this old lady came up to me She goes I was reading up. I wasn't reading a book. I was like reading a magazine. Mm-hmm. She like hello young man And I go, oh hi. Good morning. Oh afternoon. Mm-hmm. She's oh what you reading young man? I got just you know my video game You know cuz I you like watching yeah video game magazines. Yeah, and like whatever the next RPG is coming out or whatever

She goes oh You know my son served in Vietnam very nice and my you know my Older brother, you know served in the Korean war and we just love the food And they just bring up all this fucking like treasure shit. Yeah, and you know, I love the hello kitties That the hell kitties you guys make it They're just plushie dolls. You know, these are all compliments. It's like hey lady back up All right, you don't want her compliments. She loves hello kid. It's not that I it's like I'm I'm just talk to me normal bra. What would normal be?

That's all she knows. No, she could just say, you know, oh, that's nice Golden goose shoes you're wearing. She doesn't know and I'd be like, oh, yeah, they're eight hundred fifty bucks. Thank you I got him Beverly Hills Yeah, she's like hello nice little Asian boy. I like the shape of your body Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know my brother Fought in the war and so did my father. Yeah, and I've got to tell you they hate you slants, but I love you people I think that's baby hidden behind she what she's trying to say is I'm not racist But oh she's trying to say like my history is racist. Yeah, but I'm trying to not be

Yeah, it's nice. She's trying. She's an idiot, but she's trying. Yeah, and that's why I don't like I don't cut them off I'm always like very kind. Well in those situations because you know, I am You know a living human being living amongst in a society and I'm not a crazy person Because what are you gonna do? You can't teach her you can't be like you can't let go. Hey lady That's stupid and racist cuz she'll go what? I know I can't say like hey lady, you know, I just be it real I've had like 20,000 white chicks like it just nutted inside them Yeah, yeah, so it's like, you know, that's my is that is that like a thing to tell to her that you're like I

That's deep down inside. I wanted to say that I'm not like a ching-chongy You know me Asian guy that you're trying to do things like everyone else. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Well, look, I just think She's trying She's I mean She's she's trying right don't you think don't you give her a little credit? That's why I'm always nice Yeah, she made the effort, right? I remember also she went to her car and then she tried to come to me Because she saw me sitting on the curb outside this Barnes and Noble And I could see her like turn around look at me and like do the thinking like

Should I should I tell him I like I try to connect with this little ching-chong. Yeah, and then she turned around She remember her taking forever to get to me right because she was in a walk in my head sitting there. Yeah Freakin out. Yeah, what the fuck do I say? Do you do you find that old people or people in general? I have a very go ahead and ask me face for some reason dude Anyone any anywhere I am in the country in the world people will ask me for directions or they'll ask me a question about Do you know where so so and so is? They ask me every time. Yeah, I've never gotten that. Why do you think why do people I just look untrustworthy and I look confused Okay, but if you saw me on the street, why would you think you'd ask me where a thing was?

Yeah, because you look like a um, oh, no, I'm just saying I'm being real. I know I'm this You've been like a 1940s captain of some sort of like ship like a British ship. Wait, where are you going? Yeah, yeah, you just have a your face. It's like You have the kind of face like if I was at a hotel like a really old-time hotel like the shining Yeah, and I would look at and I would like you have the type of face like I'd look at an old photo and go And then underneath it says 1829 right right like you could yeah, I've been around for a long time. It seems immortal like Do you think maybe I'm do you think I've lived and died so maybe you're like a Highlander Sean Connery vibe

You have that kind of like that. Yeah. Yeah, how old do you think? How old do you think? What do I look like though? Do I look like cuz I just gave you a couple of compliments kind of yes I would like to maybe you know you look like If I saw you on the street, and I had no idea who you were and I saw your cute little smiley face Give me a smile. There it is. Yeah, mm-hmm If I saw you on the street doing that I'd go that looks like a jolly fun man a fun guy who also Who also looks a little lost you always kind of look lost because you do this a lot You turn you walk away, and then you turn and then you walk another way

I don't think you ever really know where you're going. I have no idea what which is really nice Yeah, so I would never ask you for directions. Yeah, but I'd also go. I bet you that guy's great on an adventure Okay, I would never follow you into the woods because I think we'd get lost But not nothing else Well, I think we'd have good sex, but we could do that out of the woods. Oh, no, no, no No, I yeah, I don't think you would want me in the woods I don't think that you would want me survival wise No, you wouldn't want me like on a deserted island like you and I let's say you and I are playing a plane crash

We're the only survivors we you and I end up on a deserted island Okay, you wouldn't want I would be the last person you'd want there why because I would have to save you Go tribal real quick You'd try to kill me. Yeah, like as soon as we got on the beach You'd look up. I'd be completely naked with a spear trying to try to have like like some sort of like makeup on my face And be like who do do you? And I just speak the language immediately. Yeah immediately. Yeah. Wow. What do we already like, you know like in a return of the Jedi when they took a Han Solo and they were in the rotisserie the Ewoks. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you'd be already in that. Yeah, I mean so you would kill me

You think you'd kill me? My whole thing is I think see my scenario is we crash on an island I'm I have to gather and collect everything because you're laying down You're finding a way to play candy crush on the sand in the sand. No, I would need to probably rest Because I would honestly like honestly I would be like on the beach like this and I'd be first Probably sunburn as fuck See I would I would and then I'd be looking up and you're like chopping things down I'd be climbing a tree getting coconut right and I'd just be listening and I would probably contemplate my life like Why am I fucking on this island with this piece of shit?

See after two days of no water and you not doing anything to try to get food for us Yeah, I would have one of those nightmares in the middle of the night where I grab a coconut and I smash it over your head Because I think he's got protein. I can eat him without a doubt Yeah, you know, I would see you and I go because I'd lose a lot of weight really fast I knew that I would know that about you. So that's why I would already pre Yeah, yeah, I'd already have the spear ready to go really right up front But the moment I die, are you gonna try to eat me? I'd probably fuck you first

Fuck me and then right when the body is warm. Yeah. Yeah, I mean still warm So you'd fuck me because I probably won't have a warm hole for very long time I can promise you that when I kill you. I won't eat you or I won't fuck you. Yeah. Oh really? I wouldn't fuck you. Would it be funny if I fucked you ate you and then I walked across to the island as a resort And I'm just in Hawaii Do you think you're dessert enough? You're just in Maui? Yeah, I'm in Maui and then they're like, why is that naked guy with the spear and with the makeup?

Blood dripping from your mouth and just like yeah crazy eyes. Why does he have little red hairs in his teeth? And his dick is out? Yeah, what would happen? What I would probably do then in that case, I would be like I would probably I would say I The plane crashed and I was on the beach alone and they go but you didn't see the lights from the resort right over the hill Yeah, but I'll eat up there like is there any other survivors? I'll be no There's no other survivors. No. No. No. No. There's blood all over you. It's my own blood Let me see. You don't have any cuts on you at all

Internal bleeding. It's coming out internal blood is coming out. I need to go to the hospital Okay, we'll take it to the hospital. Yeah, and then they're like, why is your dick with shit on it? Why is your dick have poop all over it? uh I because I have a reverse Crohn's. Oh, it comes out like make up a disease reverse Crohn's right and they and the doctors Of course would go right. We've heard of reverse Crohn's That's when poop comes out of your pee pee. Yeah Um, okay, so real quick bob. I want to do a little fun segment

Uh This is your bitch today. I love it. I really do like the bits. I love your little bits. Wait, but here this is not really me It's more um This is for you to read. Don't read it yet. Don't read it yet. This is uh, this is for you guys So, you know, Andres is The new is our newbie, you know, that's with us And he I feel like he's perfect to read us some of the news headlines of the day And he wrote these jokes Andres wrote all these jokes himself. He wrote jokes. He wrote all these jokes

But he's not a joke writer. Yes. He is. Let's listen to some of this stuff. So Andres look at it now Yeah, look at it, but don't read it. Let him read these you can just see what the topics are in case you can't make out What he's saying because he's you know, okay, okay? So Andres go ahead. Okay. Okay guys. Um, welcome back to this edition of malos amigos news I'm andre rosende and here are some top stories in broken english Wait, hold on. Yeah, you got to say it. You got to project Let's make that this is a segment Andres. So you got to go welcome back to this edition of malos amigos news I'm Andres Rosanal and here are some yeah, you're a news person. You're a news person now

Imagine this is live. Yeah, we're hiring you. Yeah, we're hiring you man. So let's start if you want to keep your job Let's go. All right. Here we go. Let's let's be camera. Let's pretend a world show. All right Guys get the cameras go already the sound everyone sound up and so and five four three two and go Andres Welcome back to this edition of malos amigos news I'm andre rosende and here are some top stories in broken english Andres harvey once then fell and hit his head in jail while trying to walk rather than use His wheelchair, but at least now his head will be throbbing and not his butthole butthole Yay, that's really good. Andres. So harvey once he hit his head and fell in jail. Did you know that? No, that's a real thing

And they gave him 26 years today in prison. Oh, he's done. He's done. Yeah. Yeah His lawyer said he's not gonna last five years. They go he'll never last five years and the judge was like too bad 26 And he's in rikers island bro rikers island. Oh my dude imagine. He's done I mean, but it's like it's like imagine Owning mirror max. Yeah, you're the top guy like Brad Pitt. Everybody wants to be around you every celebrity ever worked with you You're the king. George Clooney, Ben Affleck, Matt Damon all these everybody everybody and you just he just you know, why would you Rape why is rape in your head? Isn't that weird all that power? And he had to like I would fuck just Wouldn't you just get hookers with all that money? I would just define the hottest girl on planet earth

Which you could get, right and just go that's it. Yeah, I'm a billionaire I'm a billionaire. Hey, and then you can maybe cheat on the side and have mistresses Even if look at it like this Even if the hottest girl was like I still don't want to have sex with you and you're that rich just buy prostitutes I would buy them for the rest of my life that you could buy the hottest girls in the world And you could pay them just to hang out. I know I don't get it. All right. Let's go to the next joke. Come on Loud and loud energy. You're not loud enough energy. Yeah conspiracy theorist. Go go ahead conspiracy theories Alex Jones got a DUI in Texas

And even though he blew under the legal limit. He called the cops gay lizards. So they had to book him. They know It's book him dano. Do you know what book him dano is or book him dano? Book him dano is from the movie. No, it's from Hawaii five Book him dano. Yeah, Alex Jones got a DUI in Texas. He blew under the legal limit Do you know that he's gonna get out? He's trying to get out of it because he's saying it's a 0.08. He blew 0.079 Yeah, and he's saying they booked him because he's a conspiracy theorist

You know the sandy the only reason why the guy is famous is because we talk people talk about him Yeah, but he says crazy things. He does. He's like he you know, once he said that like Um, what's it uh, that school sandy hulk was a hoax. I know He said as soon as that they they some They should just shut everything off Every mic should have been taken away from him. He has no more credibility. It's crazy. It's insane Hey, Bobby, Bobby, you son of a bitch. You're talking to me about that with sandy hook is a real thing, Bob And I'd be like, yeah, well, you know, what happened to the fucking kids?

Those are all actors. They're all actors every single one. Yeah, they're all actors You don't know because you're part of the lizard community here in Hollywood All right, let's hear the next one. Okay, so andruyan officially endorsed, uh, joe biden This is sad. It's just another young asian boy being manipulated by not an old rich white man You giving up on the jokes Say it again nice and clear nice and smooth. Let's try it again. Come on. Here we go, andruyan. Go ahead Andruyan officially endorses joe biden. This is sad. It's just another young asian boy Be manipulated by an old rich white man

Andruyan, it's that's ridiculous. That's a good joke. It's just another young asian boy being manipulated by an old rich white man That's a funny joke. Andres. That's very good. Did you write honestly? Who wrote he wrote all these jokes? It's all my you wrote. He wrote all of these jokes really well well crafted. Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's The point of view are you being facetious? That's a good joke. It is a pretty good joke That's a great joke, but the thing but the truth of the matter is is that it's like it's just another asian boy being manipulated by an old rich white man Honestly, andruyan endorsing joe biden made a lot of people upset for some reason um

Whatever they're gonna who cares Hi Hongi. Oh, well if you want to get some food in your belly easy convenient to your door. Why don't you use door dash? I use door dash all the time my friend. Yeah, it's incredible. Delivery is more than just pizza. Do you? Yeah, I get like um this mexican restaurant by my house. I love that. I love it so much Yeah, you've got big plans for 2020 and if you can't find time to do it You should download get some door dash so you can sit at home Valentine's day is approaching and if you don't make you You sometimes you forget to make reservations valentine's day don't settle for the last table available Treat your date to delivery with door dash at home. That's what I do valentine's day already passed

You know next valentine's day because they have them every year. No. Oh, they do. Yeah. Yeah valentine's day every year Oh, well, that's the next one just prepare. I just okay Well, look door dash brings all of america's flavors to your front door ordering is very simple Open up the app choose what you want your food gonna come to you. You don't gotta move Sit on the couch. Get fat. Get lazy. It's us days. Puerto Rico, Canada, Australia You could order all over the world. You mean like restaurants like chipotle Wendy's chick-fil-a and the cheesecake factory cheesecake factory has so much to eat by the way How could you not find something that you want on there with door dash?

You never have to worry about where your next meal is coming from you don't have to hunt like bobby Doesn't like you can do yourself a favorite download door dash So right now our listeners are getting five dollars off their first order of 15 dollars or more when you Download the door dash app and enter the code bad friend. That's right. Five bucks off your first order with uh, $15 or more when you download that door door dash door dash app door dash app It is and you enter the code bad friend Door dash and get it. You know, I'm I I prefer bernie over biden right? I do I just yeah, that's fine. You know

All right, you're you lean in a weird way, but um, I don't like I said this before I like none of these people I don't I don't trust any of them either. Yeah, they're all just fucking puppets. Yeah, I don't like them Right. There's a guy behind the guy. I think Joe Biden is a hack and I think bernie is a psychopath I think all of them are well, don't see that off their rocker. Yeah, I'm gonna make school for free They're all crazy. Anyway, go ahead Now andres if this is not clear And fucking you know what I mean, and you don't sell the jokie part of it. You gotta sell it, dude I'm gonna fire you. Okay. All right. So louder louder clearer and more

Anx, no angst gusto. Umf. Umf. Yeah What's gusto? What's gusto in Spanish? How do you say gusto? What's bravado? Bravado bravado bravado. Okay. Here we go. Don't blush either. Don't blush. We're not we're not angry. Okay. All right, let's go Commercially on the inside. All right, stop Stop I'm sorry, dude. I'm you're you're really pissing off the boss here pal. I'm just letting you know bad idea andres Andres, I saw you a couple of days ago. I was really nice to you. Yeah, he was was I not We hugged yet that sweater on we did a couple like, you know, I mean pumps or whatever

And I don't do that with everyone, you know, I there's something about you that I really like Right, but if you're not you're make you're taking away Yeah, you know, I mean and you're putting hate in there. He's diminishing this you're diminishing it. So just really vocalize And commit commit. Okay. Go ahead. Come on and come and action Commercial airlines are seen a massive deep in travel and subsequently the private jet business is booming Also, subsequently private jet is the nickname I use for my penis. Let me tell you business is booming I That's a good joke

Andres, that's a really good joke. Yeah, it's a very good joke. By the way, did you say penis? It says penne. What is penne penis in spanish? It is. Oh, that's funny. That's really funny And let me tell you what I'm saying once you if you would have said that with low energy You're a good coach because that worked. Yeah, it wouldn't have worked. God. That's really funny. Yeah So commercial trust me from now on. I do. Okay. Thank you commercial airlines are having a dip I didn't understand a word he said. Yeah Private jets are going up. We should take only private jets. You want to take a private jet with me somewhere? No, because that's how buddy holly died Owie and Otis Redding and the big dipper

Yeah, yeah, god, that's so sad all those people. Yeah, but they died back when it was like the pilots were drunk They flew in the fog. They don't do that stuff anymore. Uh, would you rather take a helicopter or a private jet? You Private jet. Yeah after that whole thing. Yeah, but that's my what's that buzzing. Do you hear that? There's a buzzing. Yeah. Yeah Oh, there it is. It's gone now. Yeah, that's the thing It's like I would I would take a private jet over a helicopter helicopters scare the shit They scared me before Kobe died I think I think that they're both of those though are like I think helicopters are more dangerous

Just I mean they are literally literally don't know the facts I did I looked it up after Kobe died because in Hawaii like before Kobe died in Hawaii a whole family died You know what I mean from a helicopter crash? Yeah, I think it happens more often than we know How many helicopter crashes are there here? Look at this in the last decade more than 380 people have died in helicopter accidents. Meanwhile, there are over 47,000 accidents seriously involving airplanes in the US airspace So I guess it's more common to die in in airplane accidents, but that's only because

There's way more airplane flights than helicopter. I don't think this is an even Do you know what I mean? Right? I hear that buzzing again. By the way, I don't know why that's it's got to be a cord or something Well, why do you get so angry? Just let it buzz or not? You know, I mean, I just don't like the but it's like can you not I know, but there's a nice way to say that. Okay here. Let me can I say it again? Yeah Hey guys, there's a little bit buzzing in the headphones. Can we check that out and make sure that it's not buzzing anymore? Was that a little bit better or no much better? Thank you. Yeah, okay, so let's move on to the next one I want to go I want to go to the next one Andreas go to the next one Um, that joke was really good by the way. Thank you. He calls his penis

Uh, the private jet. You know what we should do. That's very funny. I think next week You and I should get together in a coffee shop. Yeah and write a stand-up act for andres for andrea and film it And no and have andreas do A stand-up act with jokes that we wrote for us. Yeah, and just do a little show for us with the act He can't read it off the thing. He has to memorize the joke. He's never gonna be able to do that He's gonna do it. He can barely read it off the thing now. All right. Maybe he could he wrote these jokes Oh, yeah, yeah, that's crazy

So you can have a cheat sheet, but like you gotta give what if we give him cue cards you and I can give him cue cards That's right. That's okay. We'll give you we'll give you cue cards. That sound good. Yeah. All right, so andreas Let's hear the next one. What is it? energy energy President Donald Trump is refusing to get tested for coronavirus even though he was exposed to it recently When asked why he won't get tested for the virus who replied? Only be nerds blacks gays and Jews are going to get it. I'm gonna be fine Wow, that's a pretty edgy joke. You wrote

That's a little but the accent was really good. Can you do the trump thing? It's true just the trump line Why aren't you a mr. President? Mr. President? Why aren't you gonna get tested for the virus loud? Let's hear what he said and go with vigor. Go ahead. Why aren't you gonna get tested, sir? Only be nerds and blacks and gays and Jews are gonna get it. I'm I'm gonna be fine That's a better. I can't do better. That's a really good trump. That's a really good spanish trump. I like that That's really good stump trump. All right. Do you actually say that though? Did he trump? He did Trump did he He did on cnn. He goes only be nerds blacks gays and Jews are gonna get it. Yeah, what's the next one?

um Energy energy energy energy, okay Rare white giraffes. No again. You can't stumble. Yes. Can't stumble. Okay Rare white giraffes were killed by poachers in Kenya. The wildlife foundation is this is disgusted with the act But I for one I see the justice. It's time for the giraffe gentrification to stop keep the white giraffes out of our neighborhood It's like a reverse. That's good. It's really good. That's really good. All right. Let's hear the next one That's by the way, the white giraffe. Do you know that they that's a true story? Two white giraffes were found killed by poachers and they're like there's only so many left

Yeah, I mean, I think there's a rhino too. That what was the white rhino? That's like that no longer exists Oh, that yeah, that got killed off. Yeah, but I mean, I think there's that's not because you know, I mean poachers are like It's not like poachers are like let's kill that White giraffe because we hate white giraffes. It's because I think white giraffes and like white rhinos are more Um coveted right and more expensive probably. Yeah, I guess maybe I don't know but to kill them It said it said that they found them and they had that that it indicated that they killed them weeks before Yeah, so they killed them left them there for weeks. Yeah, that's sad I mean, let me ask you about just a side note because I know you you hang out with buff eyes and um because buff eyes

likes to hunt buff eyes loves to hunt. Yeah. Yeah, so tell people who buff eyes is no, we'll just say buff eyes. That's fine and buff eyes Um, so how do you feel about hunting? What do you mean? How do I feel about it because he enjoys it and he has you know, he has a I don't do it. Would you ever hunt anything? Um, yeah, if I was going to eat it with 100% Yeah, but my point is is that you just go to the restaurant No, no people hunt more than people hunt because it's a fun sport And then if you eat it and you purpose it as something then then it seems but it's the fun sport part You know what I mean to me it's like are you doing it as survival because you want to eat?

No, it's not because you get excited to kill something that was once like hanging out with his family out in the fucking grazing That's why most hunters like hunting. I don't really hunt But I don't care that people do as long as you eat it and purpose it because I always think that like, you know Because I know that like I don't have time to hunt. Where am I going to hunt? I'm in Los Angeles. I don't I don't even know what If one day they said, um, all right guys, there's no more meat. You have to hunt you for your own meat I would probably take An oven mitt a swiss army knife

Out into the pasture and just jab a cow in its ass. I don't know what to do. That's right. You have a cow in its ass Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's it. All right. Go ahead. Go ahead All right Ready? Hey Bob coach him coach go go Nuclear media species were discovered deep under the Arctic Ocean which can only mean one thing That Jamaican crap Sebastian is at it again Damn Read that one slower again. That's really good though. Read that one. That's a good joke. Yeah, what it all over. Yeah, the whole thing

Nuclear nuclear media species were discovered deep under the ocean Nuclear media species was Nice and slow Louder that's because they speak so fast in their language. I know I know they go Just nice and slow as spanyard. Here we go Nuclear media species were discovered deep under the Arctic Ocean. Same. It just goes faster. It goes faster Nuclear media species were discovered deep under the Arctic Ocean. Go ahead. Which can only mean one thing That Jamaican bastard crap Sebastian is at it again

Under the sea That's really good. All right. Let's hear the next two. We only got two more left. Andres, you're really you're murdering it Yeah, how long did it take you to write these? Be honest. How long? It's like two days two days. That's pretty good though Yeah, how many jokes one two three four five six seven eight nine ten fucked up We're gonna ten jokes in two days is really good. You're not gonna write them a fucked up job. I know, okay Let's go. What's the next one? Nice and slow, but Ann Okay

The NHL made history when they used an old female crew to broadcast the game on International Women's Day These are a strong women. They made it through a three brutally bloody periods Andres, that's very good very good. All right, let's you know Andres The joke that you wrote explain me the joke why it's funny Explain that any joke about yeah Well, because it's a it's a game that is bloody but also a period means It's also like, you know that time of the month when like a woman there we go that very see yeah, he did write it

Yeah, I know he what do you mean? He did no, I'm just questioning because to me I seem like something that he would write Well, he what does he know about the NHL? Here's here's what here's what George said. I said how are these jokes in George goes Here's the thing he he knows how to write English better than to say it So I see he can write English obviously, okay, obviously, okay, but but honestly speaking it is this is much harder for that All right, all right, let's hear the last one. Let's hear your last dinger Okay, ready for the last one. Yeah, but but Bob come on. Yeah. Okay. Hey, all right five so, you know me

Andres It also under is there's another guy that Can replace there's two guys that we found two guys we got on we got on linkedin So, you know, this is your last shot. So really celebrate five four three And Police capture a yellow lab that beat and kill a dutch hound and fight and beat five people When asked to comment the dog said hey, it's a dog by dog world Can I read it as you yes, please ready?

Police capture a yellow lab that beat and kill a dutch hound And beat five people when asked to comment the dog said hey, it's a dog by dog world These are really good jokes, let's give it up for Andres on these jokes Thank you guys. Thank you man. So good and you're so fucking good. These are really really good That's the that is a good look I think the next thing we're gonna do is we're gonna write a bunch of stand-up bits for him Yeah, we'll sit down and make him perform here on the show. Yeah, we should do also different styles We should do like, you know a tail like switches and stuff. So you're saying write different styles for him each week

No, no, we'll just in the in the act will do like he has to do impressions. Oh, yeah Yeah, yeah, right some um observation humor. Can you do impressions? I don't think so, but sure. Okay. Well, how about what what's an impression that we think he could do though? That's the problem. Um Can you do Christopher Walken? Yeah, that's a standard easy one. That's like an entry level. How about Robert De Nero? Are you talking to me? Are you talking to me? Everything's gonna sound like Pablo Escobar to me Yeah, how about can you do Pablo Escobar do him?

Uh, yeah, I don't have to make an accent. I Yes, I say like, uh, there it is go get the cocaine plato plomo plato plomo Oh, what is that? What does that mean? That's like Either you take the money or is led or or money led or money? Oh How about Joan Rivers go ahead? Oh, yeah, that one's easy for you. Come on. Yeah I I don't think can we talk can we talk? Dude, it's so good. It's it's literally and anybody and everybody at the same time Can you do can you do can you do an impression of me or bobby do an impression of me and then bobby?

I'm gonna get angry. Go ahead. Do one of me. Try one. Try one of me first. Go ahead Come on time no dead air, baby Bobby What why you have to be like that? That's good. That's very good Now do want to bob do one of me. Yeah You're an asshole To me That's really good

That's really really good I just want to hear just one last thing on dress, right? Yes. Um, I want you to do an Asian accent Yeah, I just want to see what it sounds like, right? Yeah, just one. So I want you to say, um Hey, you touch you by but in so I'm a guy. I'm walking in a liquor store You're a liquor store owner, right? So I'm like, you know, I mean, so you say the phrase is you break you by right? Yeah, you touch you by well, let's let's give him some reference for it. I'm gonna play that scene of you break you by Uh, all right So then you can

You you break you by do you understand what this is in reference to or no? I do okay, so you know, it's like a there's like a very I didn't even know this was in a movie. It's just well. Don't be a menace had it. Oh, really? So here this is this is a scene and don't be a menace um And they joked about this. This is a common phrase Do you understand do you know the background of this? I just watch I think I do okay Turn it up a little bit This is a great scene then walking into a Korean convenience store

And the white guy is stealing So raise is so good hurry up and buy There's one hurry up and buy okay I got it hurry up and buy. Do you got it? I got it The white guy just steals the money right out of the register You do something there we go very funny very funny the white guy gets away with it Let's hear what let's hear the final version of it. Where's it coming? Alright, whatever

How much for this candy boy $5. What let me give me some sucky sucky with that five dollars Jesus Christ. All right, you heard it, you break, you buy, hurry up and buy. So do that best impression for Bob. Bob wants to hear you do those, so go ahead. Hurry up and buy. With an Asian accent, not in yours, go ahead.

That was my ace. Asian accent. Really worked for it. Really, really worked for it. You thought you'd buy. You gotta get smaller, you did it really, you went like this, you went oh. By watching that fucking clip.

Yeah, from Don't Be A Menace. Okay, imagine when I came to LA. Yeah. Those are the only parts available. Yeah, that's what, that was it. That was crazy. To think that like back in the day, Alley Wong, all these like, you know,

these woke, new Asians, you know, Apophoena. Right. They would have to wait in line. To do hurry up and buy. To do hurry up and buy. Wow. Was the only available thing. Yeah, that's kind of, I mean, that's fucked up.

It's like crazy to think. What was the name of, but that is, I mean, but to be fair, didn't you play some of those characters on mad TV? You would do shit like that, right? So it's like. Yeah, but I would do it to the point where like, you ever see Johnny Gone?

Yeah. So go to YouTube and you've seen Johnny Gone. Hold on, let me see, Don't Be A Menace. I just want to see the name of this poor woman that did that hurry up and buy scene. Yeah. And I want to see if perhaps maybe she worked other. So Miss Johnson, no, that's obviously not it.

But I want to see the clip. She's probably not even the credits. That's how fucking low. You think they put her out of the credits? Maybe. But look, okay, whatever the case may be, I don't think you're going to find the store owner for some reason in here.

Look, she's not even credited. I know, that's how fucking sad it was. Now look at, go to YouTube and go, Johnny Gone is a character. You ever seen my Johnny Gone? No. It's the, I went to the extreme with it. Johnny Gone, J-O-J-O, how do you spell it?

Johnny. J-O-N-N-Y. Yeah. J-O-N-N-Y, G-O-N-E. Just go mad TV, Johnny Gone. Okay, mad TV, Johnny Gone. G-O-N-E. I don't know.

There we go, there we go. Johnny Gone, G-O-N. It's so racist, because I perp. It's so racist, because what? I just wanted to do a character that was so racist that it became almost like not racist. Okay, let's see. Hello Peoples, it's four times when it gets cold

and the woman's nipples stick out and Johnny Gunn makes the Oscar guesses. On the Johnny Gunn movie guesses for the Oscar award show. Oh my God. I'm Johnny Gunn. And with me is very... This is literally setting back, this setting, this sets everyone back about a thousand years.

No, it doesn't. No, it's hilarious. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because... It's hilarious. Because I just wanted to do something that was just so over the top in it. Yeah, but people didn't like it.

No, really? Did you get a lot of criticism for it? Yeah. Really? People didn't like it, but you know, what are you gonna do? I mean, I just, I don't know why. Look, it's... That was when, it's so funny,

because in the beginning of Matt TV, they wouldn't give me anything. Right. And then by the fourth year I became, people started liking me. What do you mean by the fourth year? On the show, you know, you could tell that like, you know, when I went in front of the live audience,

people knew who I was. In the beginning, like it was, you know, everyone liked Mike McDonald and all these people. Yeah, I love Mike. But I love him too. He's a very good friend. But the fourth and fifth year is when you could tell that, you know,

the fans started to like me so that I could go, I wanted to Johnny God. And they would just, they would say yes. All right, you know what I mean? I go, but can you, you know what I mean? Not do the teeth thing? No, I'm doing the teeth thing. You put all that stuff in there.

You said I wanted to have the comb over. I want the teeth. Oh, everything. That was all you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It looks good though.

But I like, that was, that was fun. Should we do something like that now? What do you mean? Should we like recreate like characters like that now? Yeah, like you do an absurd. Yeah. Well, I do what every redheaded guy was forever and still is, is like a dork pimple face nerd.

Let's not do it now. Let's get the makeup in there. That's what I'm saying. Do you want to do that and play that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's do it, yeah. That'll be like our. I want to come up with a new character. I would love that.

Let's do a movie of us, me and you doing characters. Yeah, yeah. Let's do a movie, let's do it next. Bad friends. Done. But we, we'll get the costumes. So we're going to do our characters for the next show. And then we'll also have stand up featured by Andres.

Andres, it's going to be a great show. Andres, it's going to be a great show. This is, this was already a fun show. Thanks for everybody sending in all those coronavirus fighters. Are we done now? We don't have to be. But yeah, let's go.

But we, but I need to catch a plane to go to Chicago. What do we, what do we have time? Should I be scared? We are? Should I be scared? You know, I'm going to go to Denver. So don't get it. I'm going to go to Chicago.

You don't get it. We, we won't, this weekend we won't get it. Okay. Do everything that you can't. Why is, look at his nose. Look at what he's doing. Are you blowing your nose Andres? What's in your pocket?

What's in your pocket? So take it out. What did you put in your pocket? Put in your, what did you take out? He just fucking wiped his boogers. He wiped his boogers. Are you sick right now, Andres? Andres, are you sick?

No. He's sick. No, honestly, what, what, are you sick or you have allergies? That's it. It's the last episode of Bad Friends. Yeah. Yeah. All right.

Look in the camera. I'd say it. Thank you for watching our, that works.