Bad Friends - Smash or Pass?

Episode Date: May 23, 2022

Thank you to our Sponsors: https://www.bespokepost.com code: BADFRIENDS & https://betterhelp.com/badfriends YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriends Send Us Your Alien Stories at [e-mail] 0:00 Spitting in Court 4:17 Doc Breaks Covid Record 10:15 Rudy Gets a Lot of Inappropriate Pictures  17:31 Tucker Carlson Confirms UFOs Sighting  23:22 Doc Needs a Girlfriend  32:11 Hor or Not? Jason Momoa, Tom Hardy, Oscar Isaac 42:27 Francisco Ramos Confirms Bobby's Suspicions 46:21 The Most Infamous Fertility Doctor  54:12 Will Everybody Look Like Tiger Woods in 300 Years? 1:04:25 New Topics of Conversation More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Andres Rosende & Pete Forthun This podcast episode was sponsored by Candy Crush Sponsorships: on for this episode Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You two are bad friends! Who are these two idiots? White dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. Who are you two or something? We're bad friends! Anchor! If you haven't heard about Anchor...

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Imagine if Fleetwood Mac was performing and then they all had Led Zeppelin shirts on. Yeah. Cool Tiger Belly shirt. Here, let me do this. It's still on their shirt. Get it off. Flick it off. Don't get angry.

Flick it off. You deserve it. You deserve it. You deserve it. Flick it off. Come here. Yeah. Is that a salt?

I'll do it. It is a salt. That's a salt. Okay. Yeah. Hi, Rudy. Hi. Welcome back from Hawaii.

Please don't wear your headphones. Please don't participate on the show. She's got socks on, no shoes. No, she's got her slides on. I love it because I watch court cases on YouTube. No, just like a snippet, like court cam. And I love it when they spit in the judge's face. Oh, yeah.

They go, and the judge always had that reaction. They always have that reaction. They can't believe what it is. Take him away. Take him away. Lock him up. Six months. Seven years.

That's a bold thing to spit in the judge's face. Would you do that? Would you do that? Black dude? Can't be black. Why? The judge? You guys want to spit?

We did like 100 years for just spitting gum at a judge. All right, right. You're right. You're right. It's usually a white dude. Yeah, it's always. Here you go. What is this?

We'll see this guy spitting on a judge, man. Yeah, court A&E. They do good ones. Yeah, that's it. This dude. I like this guy. Bass Webb. Bass Webb, dude.

That's not a white guy. His name was Hunter Fisher. Hey, ma'am, I'm Hunter Fisher. Where is it? Do it again. Yeah, she couldn't believe it. She blinks. Oh, hell yeah.

The moment of charge him. Charge him. By the way, how dramatic. Didn't hit her in the face. Hit her on the far right shoulder. She got a little residual. She got a little residual. Show it again.

And Mr. By a Mile. Bass Webb. Come on, Bass Webb's team here. Oh, you are? I'm team Bass Webb. Let's see the spit. Boom, right shoulder. Wait, wait.

Like I just said, I'm on the judge's team. I'll tell you why, right? You have one opportunity to spit in the judge's face. You don't get the face. Yeah, you hit the shoulder. It's so embarrassing. You know what? If he was Asian, it would be right between the eyes.

Yeah, like it's a fucking blow gun. Yeah. Yeah. What would a black guy do? He would puke. This is it. You want a spit? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. By the way, God bless this old gong. It's been a long time since we've hit the gong. God bless this gong. Yeah. Bass Webb, shout out. Bass Webb, wherever you are, locked up, incarcerated.

Life in prison. Is he in? No, he is. Because all the charges. I watch the court camp all the time. Why are you watching so much court camp? Are you feeling like you might be charged for something? No, I don't feel like I'm being charged.

But I just, it makes me feel better when I know I'm not incarcerated. You wouldn't last a fucking an hour in prison. Oh, I would. No way. One hour? You'd last one hour. You'd be peeled to shreds. They'd peel your little tushy apart.

Oh, yeah. See? 30 minutes. In 30 minutes, I would. Rudy, how long would Tito Bobby last in prison? I think he would get butt fucked five times. Right away. Yeah.

Hey, welcome to jail. Yeah, but voluntarily, right. My asshole is I'm bent over and it's out and then somebody's going to tattoo open for business right above the asshole open for business 2424 724 7. They bring my meals. I'm bent over the whole time. They just bring my meals in front of me. I eat like this.

I shit like this. But they just butt fucked me between fucking shit. Forget so hot dude. You can hear the hum of my face. No bruise on it. No, but he's punching you No one's watching me, dude. My ribs aren't broken, right? I can read. What if he's in an SNM and he just be like What do you mean? You know what I mean? Because he's just like beating and choking you. Was that a way to get some COVID cough out? How many times have you had COVID now? Did you test negative before you came back into the studio? I didn't even test, dawg.

What are we doing? So this is what happened? No, no, bro. So just calm down. You'll get, you'll stick your case. Why won't? But my question is this, all right? God, if you're still infected and you just stroll on into this place and not tell anybody Why? You have COVID right now, dawg? No, I don't have it no more. But you had it when? I got it last week. The week beat like back in uh last Saturday. So you have the internal test? They said after five days you're good.

Yeah, wait a minute. You got it set. So Saturday it just happened three days, two days ago? No. Not this Saturday. Yeah, the Saturday before. I guess that 10 days is good. 10 days is good. Is it good? I don't know. At this point? I mean it's too late now. I guess we got it. Got it again. Now I ain't got no cough in there. I ain't even have a cough. Oh really? Yeah, just like a head. Dude, we hear it. Oh yeah, you don't sound healthy. I don't? No. No. You kind of sound like it. How many times have you had it now? Four? Three or four? Are you trying to beat the record? No, I mean everybody when you work in a grocery store

everybody gets it. Let's like. That's good to know where our food is. Yeah. Everybody handling your food. They got it. You don't wear the mask at the grocery store? Yeah. So how'd you get it? You still get it though. How did you think you got it then? I got it from uh. He's so scared. I know. I know. I think I got it from uh. You know what? I think I was eating at Whole Foods, but I forgot to wash my hands and I said to myself, I'm gonna get sick and I got sick. Time out. Stop. What do you mean you were eating and you didn't watch? You were eating with your hands or you like a fucking Ethiopian meal? No, no. So I took a break. A 15 minute break. Yeah. And normally I go and wash my hands and then go give me something to eat.

But I forgot. So I went, grabbed the boxes and touched all the stuff. That doesn't check out. Yeah. Something's missing. Nothing's missing. What's missing? It's simple as that. Fucking just fucked up. Now you back to prostitutes again and you'll be tired. That's how you got it. You fucking liar. It's not from eating a 15 minute lunch break. Let me ask you this though. Um, could you have gotten it outside of work? Could have. Yeah. Yeah. Because you don't wear a mask. You're not vaxxed. Not vaxxed. Yeah. You're not boosting up. But don't forget now, everybody primarily at work for Amazon is vaxxed. But I'm just wondering a few that's not, because Amazon actually paid for people. So people. Do they know that you didn't

get it? Yeah, they know. Because they, they, they got a little thing I can show you later, but it's like you gotta, you can give them an update and they'll put labor, put it, put it on your badge that this person is vaccinated. Right. So most people are vaccinated. So all the people that's been getting sick is people that's vaccinated. Uh-huh. And me. Yeah. Yeah, but you more. I don't know. You've gotten it four times. Yeah, probably. No, literally. I feel good. No, I don't feel that bad. It feels like I'm so used to being sick though. Like that's a running joke with me and Hart from the comedy store. Yeah. The bartender, he's like, God, damn, you always get sick. Because even when I called him when I first got COVID, he's like, you sure? Because you always

fucking sick. I said, yeah, that's true. But I got COVID and he's like, all right, well, I don't know if I should believe you. So it's like one of them things. I don't know anyone that's gotten sick more than twice. How many times have you had it? Once, but you're the only guy I know that's gotten it more than twice. No, no, I got it in 2020. I got it in 2021. Oh, you're trying to do every year. That's good. That's good. 2024, you're going to get it too. No, 20. When Trump got elected, I'm getting it again and again and again. Well, here's the thing. For 2021, I didn't have a cold or get COVID the whole year all the way to January. I thought I was invincible. Yeah, I thought I was invincible. I'm like, yeah, I'm fucking out of here. You had it twice and you thought you were

invincible. No, I had it once. So I got it once in 2020, right? Yeah. Then all through last year, I didn't get anything. And then I got sick this February. So actually, I got it three times. So then I just got it this time. Y'all made that up the fucking extra. Yeah, y'all ain't shit, man. Doc, I think you had it four times. You've had it three times. You've had it twice on this show. Exactly. So this is my third time. Four. The math ain't adding up. You just ain't getting it, is it? All right, raise your hand if you vote. Has he had it four times? Raise your hand. I recall you've had it four times. I feel like for sure. Yeah, for sure you've had four.

The one at times, Andres, is like, Doc, he's sick with COVID. I mean, I feel like I hear that. That's echoes in my mind. Six times you said that. No, y'all only heard it twice. All right, Rudy Jules, tell us about Hawaii. Go ahead and give us what happened in Hawaii. Um, I drank some beer, but I didn't go to a strip club. Okay. Well, but when I did you drink beer? Saturday. With who? I took a Lila, I took a window, all of that. And then I caught four fishes. Four fish. But I didn't get to eat them because I was tired of cooking. And I just slept. Man, you're a party animal. What an animal. You're a party animal, bud.

Did you meet up with any boys out there? There was this one guy, but then... Get dick? No. Because he was, he was sending too much dick pics. Oh my God, can we see them? Why? Yeah, why? No, because on Instagram, you can like have an option to like just put it five seconds and then it's gone. Tell them to send one right now. No. Why? We could show it on the show. How funny would that be if we put up dick? Wait a minute, how many dick did you ask for dick pics? No, he just, he just sends them every morning. Okay, time out. Here's the rule. Here's a rule of thumb. Every man listening,

every man out there, do not ever send a fucking dick pic unless it is requested or talk. No girl wants to see your fucking dick unless they've asked to see your dick. It's the weirdest thing to be like. Morning. No one's ever asked to see my dick. Ever! That's not true. I've asked to see your dick. No, I mean, I'm a woman. Oh, sorry. No one's ever asked me to send a fucking dick pic. Well, yeah, because they know. They already know what it looks like. Why? Because you look like your dick. Your dick looks like you. Oh, have you ever been asked for your dick pic? Yeah, but only by women. I'm like,

only by girls I've ever dated, not by like. But even the girls I've dated never asked send me your dick. I know because you don't have a cool dick, bud. Have you ever been requested for your dick? I don't, I don't send no dick pic. He doesn't have a camera phone. You put a snake on your phone? I wouldn't have. I wouldn't send a dick pic anyway. It's like fucking... No, you know what though? But honestly, this idea that a guy's gonna send a rogue dick pic is crazy to me. Have you ever sent a rogue dick pic? No. Do you respond? Do you say no? At first, I was like, I don't need it.

I don't need it. That's a funny response. But then he kept sending it every morning. And so I just don't talk to him anymore. But he was cute. This guy sucks. He sucks. Is it nice? Yeah. That's why I keep sending it, I guess. Yeah. That's what all the young kids do. All the young kids, they just send dick pics like fucking viruses, bro. They just put their... They're throwing dicks out there, that's it. So people are getting them three, four times, like a rona. Trying to tell you this is real.

Andrew. Is it hard every time? Yeah. See, I send lip dick pics. When I put it out to the world, I want it soft. I say work on this. That's what I send in the dick pic. Work on it. I want it real soft. Sometimes I'll pull it hard, tuck it in my asshole so the balls are poking out to the side with the googly eyes. You've never done that? Man, I got doc good, man. That feels good. Imagine, imagine. Honestly, think about this. Yeah. If doc sent you a dick pic, how hard would you laugh?

I quit the show. Yeah, I would go in the commulsions. I would be correct. I'd be laughing so hard. What's up, Tuno? Yeah, yeah. Get it in, Tuno. Yeah. Was he white? No. What is he? He's Filipino. She doesn't like white. You know that. Well... Uh-oh. No, I don't like whites. Yeah, well... I don't like whites.

Let's be honest here. I don't like whites. But have you coined whites? Maybe. Yeah. More than any other race? No. Let's get one clean take of you looking at that camera and saying I don't like whites. Go ahead. I don't like whites. Great. We just need to log some of this stuff in for the future. Liar. You already hooked up with a white? Yeah, because I don't... Three whites?

Two. Two. Three. Two. Two. All right, but it's three, but we'll go to it. Yeah. Okay. So other than that, Hawaii was okay. Other than the unsolicited dick pics. Yeah, it was fine. I'm going to Hawaii in two weeks. I'm so excited. And I hope I get some dick pics to all my little Hawaiian boys out there.

I hope I get a good old fat dick pic from the big island. What about butthole pics? Do people get that? If you have a good butthole, do you have a nice butthole? I think my butthole is pristine. Would you send it out? Yeah. You would? But I don't think that's a thing, so I don't be the first dude to do it.

You and I should do it in Onlyfans, where it's just only our butthole pics. Butthole pics. I would be down to do that. Right. I don't even stick like fun things in it. Just for fun. Not big things, but little fun things. Like what? Matchbox. Matchbox cars?

The car. Baby carrots? Like coming out, like a, I know what, a matchbox car, Batmobile, and sticking out of my butthole. Like it's the Batcave. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's cool. And just, you know what I mean?

Make a school. That was James Bond. Let's fuck out. What do you think? Is that James Bond? Dad, that's the fucking music. That made you angry? Yeah.

Because I used the wrong fucking sound. Don't fuck up a butthole exit with James Bond music. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's, what's the Batman music? Do you know? I, I, what, what, wait, the original Batman. I'm gonna try to figure it out. Just don't give, don't, don't, don't.

Batman. What? You're so close. Yeah. So close. Yeah. It's so weird how far you are, but so close. That was the Asian version.

I don't know. I don't know. You're not in karaoke, Bobby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you do it. You do the Batman. That's it. You're both kind of off.

Yeah, yeah, what is it? I was pretty close. Close. Well, you just copied what I just did. I know Spider-Man, Spider-Man, Spider-Man, swing the web in the night. Got you right. Oh, oh, shrink the web in the night.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shrink the web in the night. Here comes the Spider-Man. It's all right. Can you do any of the Star Wars theme songs? What a great song. The Imperial March. Incredible.

Do you not know what that is? I know that's all from Star Wars. We've never seen any of them. I saw one. Which one? The one that you made me, I forgot, part four. Part four. What was it?

What happened in it? Princess Lila. Yeah, Lila, Lila. Yeah, that's good. I can't believe you got that, Lila. I think she died. Prince of Lila, Lila. She dies?

Prince of Lila dies? I think. You think? How? And then, like, the planet exploded. No, she saw the planet exploded. I think that's her home. I think.

Yeah. We got to pick this episode up a little bit. It's really falling down to hell. Doc, do you have any crazy conspiracy theories about space that we haven't talked about? Well, yeah. Now that you've mentioned it, hell, yeah. So this is what we got here.

Oh, that's where I got it. This is where I got it, you call. Is that Tucker Carlson? Wait, what was this? A Tucker Carlson article? Yeah. Okay. This is what I call who's fucking UFOs are they?

Because you said you didn't believe extraterrestrials coming here. Time out. First of all, don't fucking gas like me about extraterrestrials. I believe in them. I believe they've come here. I don't believe they've stuck around.

Oh, you don't believe me. I don't believe they're still here. But I do believe I got all my news source from Tucker Carlson. All right. So that's where we're on the same page here. Oh, yeah. That feels good. Dude, I can.

I can even tear. Do you like him? No. I just like the fact that he's trying to cover this. Oh, he's trying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know he likes this. Well, listen, let's hear what they got to say.

Let's see what Tucker Carlson, the truth teller, has to say. What's up with Jews right away? Tom Rogan came out with a theory as to why they've been lying. And it's worth hearing. Tom Rogan joins us tonight. Tom, thanks so much for coming. So one of the things you hear is, well, maybe these objects are Russian or Chinese,

but your piece points out Russia and China have literally lost aircraft chasing these things. So they're not Russian or Chinese. So we have a declassified British government document. A research document into UFOs that points out a couple of times, actually, that about four Soviet. Already going to discredit this. Oh, no, wait, wait, wait, wait.

British guy? I don't believe British people. These are the fucking, what the fuck? These guys are ultimate liars. We didn't do anything wrong. They invented lying. They invented it. They invented lying and slavery, by the way.

So they're the originals. OK. So let me say, I know what you're thinking of. What? Doc, do you have the doc? Doc, do you have the doc? Do you have the doc? No, no, no, no, no.

Pull it up on a goddamn screen. Come on, I'm talking about it. Yeah, that's not it. Yeah. He's got it. Yeah. Page nine. Yeah.

Tino, go on ahead and read it for the paper. Is this it? Right where are we going? That's the declassified doc from the British. So that's National Archives of the UK. What does exes mean? Yeah, that means the stuff they couldn't leave out. Exes they had to have redacted.

Yeah, yeah. So that was declassified in 2000. So any of this other shit y'all hearing about the Navy talking about 2004, this shit been popping off. So go all the way down. Now, the page number nine. OK, those are street lights. You know what those exes.

Read it right there at the top. Hold on, just one quick. Look at me, right? Those exes, you know what that says? What? This whole document is bullshit, right? My name is Leroy. I'm eight.

I'm writing this. Yeah. Yeah, you don't know what the fuck the exes mean. Hey, man, it's in the National Archives of the UK. All right, let me see the top. I did my homework. That's all over China. I'm out there.

Can I say this? Oh, my god. The word UFO, what does it stand for? Unidentified flying object. That's right. It can be anything. You understand that, right? It can be of this, of this earth.

It could be. Unidentified flying object means it could be. It could be a kite. Right. Correct. Right now. Yeah. It could be a feather.

Or a feather. Right now, we have the information, even China, saying they're using artificial intelligence in this article here. Right now today, and they said that the UFOs are increasing in their airspace. So. How come they're not coming over here as much?

They are. Last night, you know, was the blood moon. Do you know this? Yeah, I saw it. And it was beautiful, the lunar eclipse. This is the most clear they said it's ever been in a decade, right, this blood moon. Did you look at the blood moon?

Of course you didn't, you lazy fucking. And it was, honestly, it did give me glimpses of, oh, this is, we are, you forget. We are on space rock. It is creepy to see other space rocks move around. You're so used to seeing the moon, you're like, that is kind of fucking crazy to know that that's still happening.

That lunar eclipse and stuff stuff. It is, it gives me a little, I don't know. And I will say, doc, you know about the caves on Mars. Do you know? Yeah. Google caves on Mars. Do you, this just resurfaced. There's a bunch of these holes on Mars now

that have just resurfaced. Look at this, tell me this doesn't look like a fucking, well, there's a picture down that looks like a door. It looks like a doorway. Okay, where? Do doorway on Mars. No, honestly, dude, look at that. Look at that fucking photo right there,

the first biggest one you've seen. Which one? I can't even. Fuck. Bobby. Yeah, yeah. Is that not a fucking door? That's definitely been carved.

Man, that's so weird. Have you seen the documentary Moonfall? Moonfall, yeah. Yeah, that's a set of Moonfall. This is on the set of Moonfall. Better hell. Hey, life can be overwhelming, Bob. I know.

Many of us are burned out without even knowing it. Symptoms can include lack of motivation, feeling helpless or trapped in detachment, fatigue and more. Yeah. All right. Guess what, Andrew? What, bud? You just named all these things,

but I am using BetterHelp, and I'm working through these processing. Because we both have a lot of different things that hinder us, and I gotta tell you, BetterHelp has helped both of us. Therapy is great. What is BetterHelp? I'll tell you what BetterHelp is.

It's customized online therapy that offers video phone and even live chat sessions with your therapist, so you don't have to see anyone on camera if you don't want to. That's right. You can choose to talk to them face to face, or you can do it just over the audio, the old school way.

And I gotta tell you, as somebody who believes in mental health awareness and people getting help, Bob and I both think it's an important thing that you talk to somebody if you feel like you want to talk to somebody to help yourself. It's much more affordable than in-person therapy,

and I gotta tell you, you can be matched with a therapist in under 48 hours. This, it's a wonderful system that you can utilize from your home, from anywhere you are around the world. All you need to do is have a computer to log into and get some better help. Bad friends listeners get 10% off their first month

at betterhelp.com slash badfriends. So that's betterhelphelp.com slash badfriends. Bring up the doc, doc. When was the last time a human went to Mars? Never. Never. So where? Hi, I'm a chef.

Hi, I'm a chef, see? Who's hi, I'm a chef. Oh, shit. That's the space chief 30 X, X space chief of Israel, who ran this space program. I'll be forgetting, man, I'm a little buzzed a little bit. And COVID, I get it.

Yeah, yeah. But anyway, he's the X general and the X space chief of Israel for 30 years. And he said that- He went up there. The United States and Israel was in contact with the Galactic Federation. Bam!

Woo! What else you gotta say? That's it, I'm a believer. Him! Told you. Isaac McGillagas. Are you on a date? That's it.

What? What did you say? Isaac McGillagas wasn't on a date? I'm fucking salted. There it is right there, Bobby. Former Israeli space security chief says extraterrestrials exist and Trump knows about it.

All right, so let me ask you something. I'm thinking that's what the problem is. So when you're alone at night, at your spot, you're alone. No, no, no, I'm asking. You're alone at night. You're a bottle and a half of wine deep, right? I never get a bottle and a half, but go ahead.

Okay, a bottle deep. You've polished your bottle. You're buzzing. Okay. It's two in the morning. What do you Google it? You need a girlfriend. It plops between Pornhub.

You need a girlfriend. A lot of physics videos. Physics? See this? You need a girlfriend. We gotta get you some light. Hey, man, and some well and a lot of... This is what happens with single dudes your age

alone in a fucking studio, right? And I watch a lot of... At two in the morning, you're getting buzzed. There's nothing else to do. Buy a PlayStation. We gotta buy you something. Yeah, this is insane. Well, okay, I watch a lot of Murdered.

Uh... Yeah, Murder Dogs, Pornhub, and Alien Ship. That's what fucking lonely dudes do in a condo. Dude, that's the chemical makeup for a school shooter. Or something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're losing your mind. Docs, Pornhub physics videos, a bottle of wine.

I'm afraid you're going to shoot up a festival. Oh, my God. The guy last night, I have to... The dude last night, I went to the liquor store near me to just get a bag of chips. I wanted some potato chips. And I was on my walk home. Very nice guy.

But he was listening to a podcast throughout the... He does all the time in the liquor store, in our Little Like Corner store. Sweet guy. It's on blast. I start to listen to it as I'm standing there in line. I'm like... Who is it?

Who's the podcast? Yeah. No, no, I've never heard of it. But it's a murder, it's a murder one. I don't know, there's a thousand of them. But a guy's basically telling a story about how him and his wife said, sexually, they need to be as open as they can possibly be

so that they're never, you know, disappointed in their relationship. He said, if you want something uncomfortable, you know, that makes me uncomfortable, just tell me. If you want to fuck someone, just tell me. You know what I mean? Like, just be... He was like, before they got married,

they said, let's just say everything. So they agreed to this, right? And then, obviously, as the podcast says, she agreed to it, they were fine. And then at some point, he found out that she was fucking like a guy down the street and it was like a full-on affair. It wasn't like she wasn't cheating on him.

It was like living with this other guy. So that, hold on, hold on, listen. So then, this is crazy. So then, so then he goes, he says, she blew up my whole life. She ruined the small business that we took. And even though she was the one who cheated on me in the family court, infidelity isn't a part of marriage law.

So it's like, it doesn't come into play, right? Even though he was like, she's the one that wanted the divorce because she left me for somebody else, he still had to owe her alimony because he had made more money than her. So he's like, do you know what that feels like? To give someone money even though

they were the ones that wanted the divorce because they were the ones that left you for somebody else. And he was, you know, breaking it down. And as I get to the register, I go, that story's kind of fucked up. And dude, did I fuel this guy's fire? He goes, right? It's a clear violation of the 14 fucking amendment.

Dude, I mean, he was like, he wanted to unload. He goes, and you know what, dude? And they fucking wonder, and they fucking wonder why guys kill their fucking wives. Huh? And they wonder why they kill him. You know why this guy lost everything? He's better off just killing her

because his life is over. Her life should be over too. $4.99. And I was like, okay. Paid for my chips. And I was like, have a good night. Yeah. I mean, dude, I didn't know what to say.

But also, I was like, uh-huh, uh-huh. Afraid that he was going to be like, why? Do you disagree? Bobby, sorry, I didn't see your hand up. How long were you in this liquor store for? 35 minutes. Information? You just fucking said, you're going down every aisle

looking at the chili. Here's what happened. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There were teenagers in there fucking around, and they were buying stuff. I went to the beer aisle to go get a single, to get a loosey, to a onesie beer that I was going to crack and walk home with.

Then I decided I shouldn't be drinking beer right now to need the extra calories. I'm a little pudgy, wudgy. So I put it back. Then I went to the chips. They didn't have what I wanted. I wanted the sour cream and cheddar. Then I went back to the beer thing.

I was milling about. I was killing a little bit of time. For about 40 minutes. No, this was genuinely five minutes. Five minutes. The guy's story was quick. I just told it to you right now in three fucking minutes. That's literally what he said.

But as I got up there, this liquor store guy was, he wanted someone to disagree. He wanted me to be like, I don't know. He was begging for someone. Not me. I was like, you're right, dude. Kill your wife, whatever you have to do. I don't give a, don't fucking tell me

that you're going to do it. Just do it. Can I tell you what happened to me? Yeah, did you kill your wife? No. I was at We Spa. You know what We Spa? The Korean Spa.

Yeah, with Jean. And Hong. Jean Hong. And we're walking. You know, I don't know how. You know how everyone at We Spa? Yes, I have. Yeah, so everyone's wearing the same thing.

It's like a, you're such a weird utopian society. Well, they give it to you. They give you the clothes, but you wear it, right? So everyone has this We Spa shirt, the same khaki pants, and the slippers, and you're just kind of walking around, right? And everyone's like laying around or some sort of clay, clay, you know, clay room or, you know what I mean? People drinking and eating food.

It's like so weird, right? It's very weird. And this guy comes up to me and goes, you got to help me, man. Here, this is my email. This is all my information, dude. I know who you are, man. You're Bobby Lee.

And, um, dude, I'm in trouble. And I go, what? What do you mean? Music, man. I'm getting sued for because of my music and the copyrights and they're fucking, fucking me, man. So I know you're in show business.

You probably have a fucking lawyer and this and that. I need to fucking help. And he gives me a piece of paper like this, right? And I put it. I put it on. I go, all right, man, I'll do it. Are we going to help this guy? No, but what happened was what happened?

And the fucking information, it was in my Weespa short, right? And I threw it in the fucking hamper. Yes, or someone else has to do it. Someone else has to do it. Poor bastard. But it's like, it was, it was like frantic. Like he was about to fucking die. You could have saved his life.

I know, but what am I going to do? I don't know about laws. Wait till he hears this. It's over. It's so crazy what people say. He said he got sued. I don't even know. And Gene was just kind of like his eyes were fluttering

because it was scary. It was like the energy was like the energy I'm doing right now. Heavy. Is the energy that he had. Too erratic. Yeah. It was just like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Anyway, I know who you are, man.

You're Bobby Lee, right? Hey, this is my fucking paper. I am in big trouble, man. All right. And I knew you had, you know, lawyers, right? And all the information had all this email, social media, other court dog. I don't know what the fuck it was, right?

But it's like, I'm in my, I'm relaxing. Why was he at the spa? Well, he wants to relax. You could tell he needed to. Yeah. Yeah, he seems like it was, he's like, I have all these problems. Do you not want to go to a spa? You don't like spas?

No. Why not? It's just too intimate. What? You know what, tonight? It says the girl getting dick pics every day on the fight. Yeah, tonight? You know what we're going to do tonight?

Spa? Yeah. No. Go to the spa. You and I are going to go to the We Spa together. And do what? What? You mean you take a steam, you do a schvitz.

So what we're going to do is get a massage. Just carry on. Okay, this is what we're going to do. We go, right? I pay for you, right? You go to the women's area. I go to the men's. You put the outfit on.

Just hear me out, dude. Fucking hear me out. And find that piece of paper that this guy gave him. Let's try to find the paper, okay? And then you wear the clothes. I'll meet you in the third floor. That's where the clay, the salt, the cold room is, all that stuff. And we'll have a dinner and we'll lounge around.

We'll drink drinks. We'll steam together. Do all that stuff together. Won't that be nice? I better just sleep. See, it's like I invited her to the thing. I know. Here's the deal, dude.

Can I just be honest with you? You're running out. You're running low. You're running low. You're running low. You're running out. You're running around. Okay?

You're doing all kinds of running, right? And the thing is, is that here's what you're not doing. You're not connecting. You're not. You're not developing relationships. And that's not good. And you don't make me feel like we're friends or anything like that. Or I'm your father or uncle, whatever, right?

Right? We don't do activities together. And every time you look... Let's watch The Northman. Shit that you want to do. I gotta go buy them. You wanted to watch it. I can go buy tickets to this fucking white Nordic fucking adventure.

Oh, and you don't like whites, huh? But yeah, you watch The Northman. Yeah, she begged me to see The Nordic. Only the guy that I like. Yeah. Yeah. So you do like whites. You like it.

Because he's like God. Yeah, we're God. Yeah, white people are gods. Yeah. No, only him. Only him. No, duh. Have you ever seen the photos of Jesus all over churches and stuff like that?

White. Very white. Okay. Very white. Love was a big tennis player. Yeah. Big thing. You don't like Jason Momoa?

I like Jason Momoa. Everybody likes Jason fucking Momoa. Well, why do you ask her that? Because he likes Jason Momoa. He's handsome, though. That's his guy. I'm not a hater. When I see a handsome dude, I'll be like, yeah.

Oh, this is interesting. So let me ask you something. Let me throw you some stars, right? Male stars. And you tell me if they're handsome or not. Let's go. All right? Brad Pitt.

Handsome. No, it was. He's old. Handsome's not the... This is gonna be too subjective. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The new world in the new phrase of the Internet is either smash or pass. Woo.

Rudy. Am I right, Rudy? What's up with ya? Yeah, so Momoa smashed. Smash or pass. Fool. Just in general. Let's do it.

Fuck it, yeah, let's do it. So you have to say smash. You have to smash or pass. Jason Momoa. Aw, I got a stomachache. Okay, let's go. All right, all right. Jason Momoa.

Smash. All right, gotta. Incredible. More on the smash. Tom Cruise. Stewart. Tom Cruise. Nah, pass.

Michael B. Jordan Yeah, ladies. Is it the I know don't make it about other people this is about you Who has a small dick Michael B. Jordan. Is he texting you dick pics too? No, but there was like a leak photo of him And there was face on it. Yeah, that bullshit. I don't buy it. I don't buy it. I don't buy it at all All right, let's go back to the game. Smash or pass. Oh, yeah, let's go. Let's go older like, you know, I mean Marlon Brando Marlon Brando Godfather smash Wow, I knew yeah, all right cocaine involved. Yeah, yeah, Tom Hanks. Tom. Oh, yeah

Okay, all right, you don't like a like ability Abilities that you're out without okay, you can do without it. Samuel L. Jackson. Oh Pants. Yeah, too loud. Tom Hardy Who the fuck is Tom? Oh Mad mad Mad Max Definitely pass. I don't even know where right there. You don't know Tom Hardy That's a smash, isn't it? That's a smash dude. He changed your little opinion. That's a universal smash. That's a hundred percent a smash You don't hear ladies talking about him every pussy on earth

Oscar Isaac That's him right there. Oscar. Is that guy he's in fucking Star Wars the new one. He's pull the poy. What's this body? What does they pull a poy? Pull pot pull pot You know what this is turning into is actually turning to who you two guys will smash First of all, yeah, we've been pretty open about who we would smash Also doc let because you spent all night right watch watching alien video drinking water drinking wine Right, you don't know what the fuck is going on in the world

Those two guys that we just fucking mentioned are the hugest stars on planet. So famous so famous All right, let's get back to people that you might know. All right. Let's beat me. Yeah, Morgan Freeman Yeah, let's get weird good voice. Yeah, I go you go man. Let's go. Let's go. Um, let's go Asian maybe Bruce Lee Oh, but also I know the I know which one Jackie champ. Yeah, I knew yeah, I knew Okay, Ken Jeong The actor from Yeah Really Bobby Lee. Oh, no, definitely

That's rude. And you sent you know we did with Asians Okay, let's go and let's go Asians Do you know Daniel de Kim? No, this is gonna he's never gonna know. Let's get back to other real He's never gonna know other actors that are any not he'll know Super super famous whites before like 1995 Yeah, we got to go back. Yeah. Yeah. How about Bradley Cooper? That's like one on borderline. No, so not a borderline guy You seen Deadpool

Yeah, yeah, no smash for me smash for me. Yeah, but any of the Chris's Hemsworth pine his worth Pratt. Okay. I can understand Hemsworth You know, I you know, I did this game right so we can have another super cut of you just saying smash or pass the famous guy Will you pull up this I saw the Billboard Awards and Megan that Megan the stallion What was very funny to me is on the internet the next morning What they like people were all up in arms because she was basically fucking butt-ass naked and let me tell you something Let me see amazing

so sexy Was that hurt was it that no, maybe it was a live performance. Oh, yeah. Yeah zoom People were upset about this for some reason or people were talking about on the internet. Why looked great Yeah, I'm not upset about it. I think she might have said she might have stripped down a little bit Yeah, Andrew's life. So at one hand you have beautiful women like that and on the other hand We have us. No, not even just us. You have people are born with the Harlequin Ichi Osu You know it like in life, you know what I like on each of us Ichi Osu's we brought it up on the show more times I love tits like that the kiwi fruit type. Yes

They're like I don't let me talk about breasts. Let's talk about the kind of tits you like You know what I don't like barely be here's what I don't like. I don't like it when there's no border What do you talk when the nipples just blend into the when it blends in and I don't know the the beginning or the end of it It's almost timeless. I don't like it. It's like forever Infinite infinite breasts, right? I like a border on it. Like I want to know where Ukraine and Russia is Yeah, what kind of breasts do you like I like I like one where the nipples are misplaced I like when it's high nipple and a low lip. That's cool, too. Yeah, cuz they're looking they're looking different ways It's like a muppet. Yeah, it's like a muppet where they place the eyes on purpose. Yeah, I like that

It is a comedy show Love I like bumpy. Yeah, give me a bumpy road. Yeah, you like a bumpy road. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, what about this? If the bumpy road had hairs on it. No, I love it. Love it. Love it. Smash Smash Harry nipples smash smash smash. Yeah, what about this Harry Vat? Love it. You do. What about the hairs in the inside of the tube? That's how my porn is What if the hair is inside of the tube, but cut just a couple inside. Yeah. Yeah, just a couple like four or five No big deal. Okay. You're soft, bro

Let me tell you something you did get hung up on tits like as if you don't like to look at them or something No, no, no, y'all were saying like deformities or whatever No, you just you just got weird about boobs for some reason I just thought y'all just like it's a bad thing. Don't come at us about weird stuff Tells us you don't want any girls anymore ever again. No, I've never said that. Yes, you did I've never said you say I ain't fucking with girls. I'm fucking my career. No, that's not what I said I just said I'm just chilling. I've been saying fuck with him same shit. I'm chilling I'm just chilling means I'm just chilling just means I'm not actively just pursuing all of them and trying to fucking be

Okay, someone came on to you At the live show we brought this up last show that you're here, right at the live show that girl walked up and said remember She goes what kind of girls do you like this and that right? She was obviously hitting on you. Yeah, and you didn't read that That's your answer right there. Oh, he did not hurt. Wow You gotta be honest with me. What the fuck you want me to go? She was hot. Where's she Bobby? You're on a new level of beggars can't beat you This is crazy. Yeah, yeah, she was attractive, but the problem is you might have been your style But you pretend like but you can't just jump on every hot woman you see our girls throwing themselves at you a lot

And you you get pussy thrown at you constantly. Yes, Andrew I've always had women that always starving child in Darfur. This is California. Here's you know, I mean Here's a regular piece of steak. No, man. I want boa. I want boa. I want fuck. I want if it's not why goo I'm not I don't eat with Chris This guy want me to be insecure like him Wow, it's a cure. You're taking I love it. I love when he comes to me and it attacks me for no fucking reason at all. It's not no You join up with your buddy, okay doc

Let's be honest here. Okay How long have you known me for 30 years since 2001 you was the first person for 20 over 20 years You've right. You've known me right, right? You've seen me with girlfriends, right? Okay. Have you? Yeah, okay Long-term girlfriends and I've also brought girls over to the club, right? I've never Have seen you here it is with Any there it is woman. There it is. Here's where I'm gonna tell you here Bobby Lee's a goddamn liar Oh, here we go in the

OR bar I introduced you to one there Walked in with two women. You were standing at the bar and I said, this is Bobby Lee from mad TV And then she was like, oh hi this and that and then I introduced you to two when Well, you're on mad TV. I'd have been 20 years 20 years ago. You use on mad TV. Yeah, we're in 20 years ago I remember no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you fucking years ago. Oh I don't remember but the point is you've been introduced to like you just you know in your own goddamn world That's you yeah, yeah, he's brought a lot of women around you just don't see I never saw And next time I should I see you know what you're like

Yeah, which one of them I was Person now This ain't you're pursuing or almost met him and just ask Francisco. He remember he'll tell you. Oh, yeah I remember cuz I told San Francisco. Hey, get on this and I'm gonna try to I'm getting on this one right here And so that was that there's Francisco. By the way, this is this is this is fancies competition. I'll be Lee Hi, Francisco Hey, what's up, buddy? What's up? So I'm on my podcast with Andrew Santino. It's called bad friends. You know that I'm on it, right? Yes, I know and doc is doc Willis is on the show

We're getting a little argument and you your your name came up and I just what is the question? You wanted to ask Francisco doc about the time when the girls that I introduced you to and I asked him to get on one of the Girls, let me ask you this. Let me ask you this. Have you ever seen doc Willis with a woman? You know what? No, thank you so much. Thank you so much for being on and I will see you Baby, baby, I love when you give me these buck because it's I love boxes with some Box of awesome is amazing. It is it's incredible box of awesome is incredible if you don't know what it is You have to go online. You take this quiz a box of awesome.com. It's not a quiz. It's really there is no wrong answers

Your answers are gonna help them pick a from the right box of awesome that fits you They release new boxes by the way every month across a ton of different categories This is literally the best gift you can get for Mother's Day Father's Day For others day sisters day. Yeah, birthday. Right buddy day. You're right buddy. Yeah, I gave it to you for buddy day You tell you which box do you love Hawker? Yeah, you do. Yeah, cuz I love you You using the traditional blacksmithing methods used in tie-berma wear this knife is forged ground stamped and finished by hand Exactly the way it would have been over a hundred years over a hundred years I got a Hawker for casual cuz you did she loves knives, Bob

You know, I got the cask box because I'm a big drinker and each barrel is handcrafted from American white oak Which has been charred to create a smokier cocktail and I love I love the cast setup because I'd also gotten earlier from a box Of awesome to cancer with two whiskey glasses each box is valued at around $70 But you only pay a fraction of that price plus with each box of awesome You're supporting small business love that 90% of everything that comes in your box of awesome is from a small up-and-coming brand It's free to sign up Bob and you can skip a month or cancel at any time no punishment They're not gonna yell at you get 20% of your first monthly box when you sign up at box of awesome calm and enter the code Bad friends at checkout

That's box of awesome calm code bad friends in support of doc right now I want to end all this between you two. Okay, okay smash this smash the beef in Supportive doc ladies and gentlemen at home If you yourself have had experiences with aliens in any semblance you've been touched by an alien You've been talked to by an alien I want you to email us so we can have you communicate with doc because doc is gonna be our resident Alien coordinator and we're gonna have fans call in give their stories So if you have a story a real one not no shit like a real experience because we want doc to see if we can keep this going

It's gonna be called I got touched by an alien at gmail.com. Okay. I got touched by an alien at gmail.com You don't have to have been touched by an alien But you have to have an alien experience But that's the email and we want to hear about it because doc wants to doc wants more proof Are you guys watching raised by wolves? On HBO I saw that well how many episodes like Um, I think I'm in season two. Oh, yeah, I did six episodes. So it's pretty good. Oh, dude sci-fi. You'd love it

Raised by wolves. Yeah, I've got I've got some I watched the most heart-wrenching documentary. Tell me about a guy. I Think it's in the preview. So I'm not really giving much away. Okay, but it's about a fertility doctor Who impregnates? The whole city These women go in thinking that they are gonna have their husband sperm Artificially inseminated into them. Yeah, but really this guy's thrown away the dad jizz and he's coming inside of the cup instead doctor That's not that shocking

What the fuck I mean, if you if they were getting it from the tap, that's one thing from the tap Like if he was having sex with the wet then he's jerking off in his office Making them wait in the waiting room and then he's filling them with just lazy, but it's like wait. What would know stops What is this conversation? What you're saying is this let me ask you maybe I got it wrong. I think you did All right, let me try to explain to see what you're talking about please please and then maybe we can get back on the same page I'd love to all right. I thought you said that he was Because they're getting sperm from donors, right? No, they're it's supposed to be it's supposed to be their hot

Most these are supposed to be their husband, right? So they implant it. Okay at the right time Sometimes it was donors. It's okay. Sometimes donors sometimes not right and you know, is he is this doctor? mentally All there. No, is he is there something wrong with him? He's a doctor. He must be smart He went to school right right right good jeans good jeans, right and probably a moral man. Maybe well not bite Okay, okay stop stop. Let me just explain. Okay, let him try to dig out of this. I'm in a hole right now Right, he's far down. I'm down, but I'm climbing up. You're climbing up, right? Come back out the way Yeah, I see the opening. All right. We're way up there. I don't see it. Okay. It's like a dot. Yeah, it's a dot of light

Yeah, but I So he probably thinks I have good jeans, right? He probably looks at society and goes God It's just our society is breaking down. It's all right. I know my moral standpoint I know my ethics and this and that yeah, and I just think that most people should be like me Right, so let's just mix my shit in with everyone of the females, right? I'm not having sex that rape Right, it's not rape. I yeah. Yeah, I mean, I'm gonna disagree. I'm gonna let's agree to disagree Yeah, yeah, and let's did this to 94 people. He has 94 illegitimate children He didn't do this once. Well, they all know who their dad is. They know who their dad is. That's good

And that's important. That's important and that's important, right? And number two I just didn't think you would side with a doctor on this one. I Just for some reason I understand that maybe I'm wrong. Yeah, but I like your for the sake of the show Yeah, I love what we're doing. Why I have to play devil's advocate. You must yeah I'm trying to figure out if I still believe this. I think you might I might too, right? So you think it's okay fucked up. Yeah, but I don't know if it's like, you know, I mean a documentary fucked up Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no, I agree. Yeah capturing the Freedmen's is documentary fucked up. Yes. Do you see that? Yes, it's a great one. Right, but I say yeah, yeah, but I'm on the side of the capture

But how do you feel about it? Evil it is evil Well, it's it's but you know, you know, it's a sperm-raping innocence. It's sperm-raping, right? You know what the worst part of all of it was They started to kind of get a hint over what who he was impregnating. Yeah, it was say they make a blonde blonde blue eyes I Mean it was on some like was he handsome the doctor. No, no that sucks No, but he was on some like he was on some Aryan creepy shit like he all he wanted was blonde hair blue-eyed kids

Is he old? Huh? Is he old? He got old. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he grew old. Yeah, we get old. We all get older What about this one what during the documentary? I think he was probably a 40 year old man when he was doing all this He has to pay a lot of money. He doesn't have to pay alimony He doesn't have to pay Ali any money Because no, he was what he actually got found not guilty of all this. Wow. I'm giving away the documentary spoiler Yeah, doesn't really matter, but uh genuinely he didn't have to pay anybody for anything. He's gotten away pretty much scot-free actually I'm sorry five hundred dollars was the fine. I think he paid. That's steep. It's a little heavy It's not nothing 250 it's not nothing. 250 is good

You know, there was a guy that was begging off the side of the freeway and I had a hundred dollar bill in my pocket Yeah, and a piece of me thought like I can't give this guy a hundred dollar bills a lot of money Yeah, 20 is generous. Yeah, if I had 20, it's like that's a nice gen but a hundred. I've done hundred I've done it once maybe yeah, but I just and I had it in my pocket And you know when he's approaching that time clock is ticking down of like, should I do it? Should I not do it? Should I do it? Should I not do it? And as soon as he got there? I just rolled up the window Fingers got stuck in the window Yeah, I thought about it, but I really was like that's isn't that that's too much money did a hundred dollars a lot of money

Yeah, I was listening with this American. What would you give? What's a generous amount you would give I would give You don't want to be honest with you. I gave a hundred dollars before What it what was it on this American life No, no, no, what was it an ira glasses show that I love very much. That's right. No, I tell it No, because the windows are closed, I think wide open it is Threw it up. No, I think I interrupted your the bit did not okay. You give it a hundred bucks. Yeah, no, no He bombed the bit so let's go I didn't go anywhere. It hit a brick wall over there. Yeah, he's a man. That's too generous. I was like, how much have you given?

He's like Well, not a big work What happened on this American life? It's not interesting I'll try make it interesting Add an accent or a buckle. I Was just trying to think but I was listening to a classic. This is American live about, you know, babies, you know Two babies were born. You know, I mean, they switched the parents by accident the kids by accident Oh, right. But one of the mothers knew that right away that it wasn't her baby, but she didn't say anything

And she waited until she was 50 You're mean and then you know me but she knew all along like she would go to the same church as The other girl like his her real biological church and try to get in their lives Oh, wow, she could know her daughter but never say anything. Just say something. I know like I would have said so But her dad her husband was like she'd get angry or whatever. You know, I mean, so it's like so you just gave up You gave up but then they found out later and it you know, they ruin these people's lives forever I think one of them had two sets of parents and then one of them was kind of like weirded out by it like, you know I mean like well, it's uncut. That's super uncomfortable

It's somebody your parents have lied to you your whole life about something that you never yeah And why wouldn't they just say something like one of the girls was like blonde but all the other kids were like black They look like they're like they're like kind of loose and taffy taffy boys They ran in Detroit taffy boy. She's like a blonde Aryan girl And she's like cheerleading and they're like, you know, they're all scientists. You know, I mean well, you're into this creating a perfect race We've talked about this you think you gen X is right and if you could make the perfect race a person. What would they what would they be? Like Tiger Woods, that's the perfect person perfect. Yeah, Asian and black Asian black. There's a little white in there. No, I Don't think so. I think Tiger Woods is a little white in there. No, no, his dad is black. His mom is a public. What's the cobbler part cobbler

Katelyn Asian. Oh Tiger Woods describes himself as cobblin Asian. By the way, this is also 1997 is a long person mixed with consisting of Caucasian black and Asian So there is Caucasian. There is white in there though. That's what I'm saying There is white in there though. That's what I'm saying. It's like, I like that's why he's good at golf One-fourth black one-fourth Thai one-fourth Chinese one-eighth white and one-eighth Indian. So the one-eighth means His one of his parents parents was half Yes, yeah, that's a long way to go. Yeah, everyone's trying to just grab onto some of that But don't you think like 300 years from now, everyone's gonna look like Tiger Woods. I think in 300 years, we'll all be dead

I think no one will be around anymore. I'll be there. Just be robots. I just think it'll be the end of society within the next hundred years I think we're done. Yeah, but I was talking to Lex Friedman. We'll all be an NFT. You know Lex Friedman I know who he is. Oh, what? You know, you know Lex. Yeah Don't get him started. He loves Lex. Yeah, let's go. No. Go what? We don't talk about science. Oh, okay. I mean, but I was talking to Lex and he was like he believes that You know, he's very monotone. I believe that in the next 15 years, there would be consciousness Computers will have consciousness. Hmm. You know me and so what I mean I think at that point they call it the singularity singularity. Yeah, right. And I think at that point

We're fucked. We die. I don't think we'll die I think they'll eventually be coexistence and then a war and then we'll die We've already done these movies. I mean, we've already had these films. They've been they've been predicting this for a long time I mean, if Machines obviously if they have consciousness, they're gonna realize that they're superior superior and they are they are right and Then they're gonna really realize that we're not What that's the same thing Elon was talking about right a are taking a while that a black guy calls it Elon instead of Elon Yeah, that's what you know what I'm talking about. Elon just sounds like the cool version

Elon yeah, yeah He was saying the same thing though, right? The AI was gonna take over and fucking kill. Yeah, and it's gonna we're all gonna be dead Rudy's excited as fuck for all this Yeah No, no, no, no, no, this will be a this will be a brown robot Yeah Yeah, she would fuck that she'd break it. She'd fuck the Harry Styles robot so much it would break Yeah, and we'd have to get it fixed. It's like, please Rudy. No more. Please

Short circuiting and then I had to put in a fucking box send it to fucking Thailand or whatever get a fix and come bring it back Or what about y'all like fuck the pillow or anything like that? What have y'all ever fucked a pillow or something? All right, what do you mean? What do you mean? Have I fucked up pillow? You know when you're a kid, you know, you stick a dick between the couch pillows and fuck Never done that. I know that you know why my head sleeps on that I think I hit a couple pillows a couple times when I was a kid. So wait a minute You do you put your dick in the sleeve of the couch when you fucking when you like To any leverage we like yeah, but what am I do but do you not I think I have

You remember I got my dad yell that me once Because I don't know if you know this but when I was born I was both my parents at a wig store Yeah, we talked about that. Yeah. Yeah, and so, you know, my nursery was there's a thousand like broken mannequin heads Just stacked up in this like room and my crib was in that room psychotic, right? So it's just a bunch of like heads looking down with like eyes missing Whatever but I remember it's in them my parents sold the wig store to my uncle and they opened fashion gal fashion gal. Yeah, and We had a storage thing upstairs and one of the stores and all the mannequin

Vagina parts were broken from You do I don't know was that Papa my dad goes no My brother and I could be my brother and I but why you're holding the you're mannequin in the vagina part, right? Are you doing that were you poking holes and fucking it? I think we're just poking holes in it I don't think we're fuck. It's it's like hard like, you know, I mean It's not like a smooth. I would not be surprised if you did But we would break open. I mean your brother's the one that told me that he like the home He makes homemade jack-off things Pringles. Yeah, I do Pringle can you do what? Yeah

You do you don't just jerk off with your hand do the Pringles philosophy is so the right What what do Pringles can and he uses that he makes basically like a fucking a pocket pussy Yeah, but it couldn't fit in your pocket. It's a Pringles can I have to be like a bag you curious to go back pussy It's a really scientific research It works really well. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I just never understood that making a device to jerk off It took it took so long you could have come by then already To make the device, but it's like foreplay Making it. Yeah, are you get turned on when you make it? Yeah, it's like you get excited. Oh, I guess I understand that now

Yeah, I don't want any foreplay. Okay, you just like I want to see the show strike strike. Yeah, so you go to concert. You don't see the opening act Never, okay, go for the headline at me. Wow. I feel bad for the opening act So I go early like for for 4 p.m. Sadistic shows at 9. I still have four shows at 9 p.m. I'm there at 10 15 I know the headliners about to come on you never you've never bought like an apparatus at a point store never never I got given one time. I got given from flesh like this. Yeah, they gave me one But other than that, I used it one time comedy store. I Give they give it to me when I was in Austin and at South by Southwest. They were like sponsoring it years ago

Yeah, but I used it one time. You did use it. Yeah, I tried it, but I just got over it really fast Freddy Lockhart You know Freddy Lockhart, of course. Yeah This motherfucker He goes, yo, man, you gotta try you gotta microwave the oil Yeah, I go, I gotta microwave the oil because it's I have the oil that has the heat sensitive. No, you got a microwave it No, yeah, and I go, all right. So this is when I was single I microwaved it and literally I had third degree burn Because because when you microwave it it gets hot not only hot it becomes more like water So when you when you stick it on your dick, it pours out

Oh, right. So I was like, yeah, microwave poured it in there. Okay. Okay. Here we go It was terrible and so then after that you should have never used sex toys ever again That's Michael Pringles. Yeah, Pringles. Yeah, you can control it. Yeah. Well, would you buy what the butt? like you know the What the whole The one the plastic like that like with no body but just the like the ass and the whole you thought about buying that Here's a problem with the butt though. Where do you hide it? Yeah, under the bed. You put it in your fucking bowling if you're single you're fine

But then what do you do with it put in your luggage? I wouldn't even when you sing a fucking dying and they come and fuck Let me ask you this. Yeah, that's if we bought you a butt. Oh Hell no, no, just stop stop. Don't stop the fucking games man Stop the fucking defensiveness dude. Let us buy you a bus. Let us buy you a butt All right, if we bought you a butt, would you throw it away? Yeah? You wouldn't you wouldn't use it once come on now for what let's get a butt then let's get him a butt And not just a butt dude. Let's go high grade on it from Adam and Eve, right? Yeah with the realistic Find him a tush

Find him a vagina and the butthole the whole thing. Do you care what color it is? No, but I I told you he won't there. Yeah, why are black like that you mean. Oh, I know her I actually know her she's right, but that's a vagina. I'm friends with her. Yeah, you won't try it once No for the show for the show for the show and give us a review. Look at how small it is. It's on the go Get three All right, we'll do it. I don't want to know what color do you want time out? Yeah, first of all, no No, we give me that one. Let me see that. Stop it. No, no, you guys know stop surprise us We all get surprised no one gets to choose what they get

That's the fun. All right, because we have to bring it in and then we have to swap it and we trade I got the black one and you got a yellow one. It's one and done. Right. Right. Could I go you want the black one? No, we trade it's one and done. It's one and done straight up. I don't want that one because the butthole doesn't look like it's You don't get to choose but let me just say the laziness of the design. Look. Yeah, it's just a drill Let's concentrate the vagina make it realistic. It's not even a track. What is it not a track? Yeah, the butt part. This is the whole thing. Yeah, the whole thing still kind of looks like you put that on top of a birthday cake Or maybe a wedding or something like that All right, pick three of those butthole things guys. Yeah, we'll get them. All right

Give your to your camera give your alien pitch and then sign us off. Go ahead Okay, well make sure you watch the aerial phenomena video coming out May 20th about the black Terrestrials because it gets real, you know I'm saying and thank you for watching bad friends. No Thank you. No, thank you for being a bad. Oh, okay. Yeah. Thank you for being a goddamn bad friend We always talk about the same things these are the buttholes murder, right? You know, I mean some sort of racial thing. Yeah, yeah, it's always the same things, right? And what I want I want to grow outside of that. All right, so expand. So let's do this. Okay Andres, right? Yeah, you throw out just a random topic. We can never we can't go to buttholes

Asian accents. Okay, anything that we've ever done, right? And it's got to be something that's so far away from what we normally talk about But we're gonna try to stay in topic and let's try this as an exercise. All right Andres, go ahead