Bad Friends - SOS Bobby Needs Stitches

Episode Date: July 8, 2024

Get MORE Bad Friends at our Patreon!! https://www.patreon.com/badfriends Thank you to our Sponsors: BLUECHEW, Rocket Money & Morgan & Morgan • Rocket Money: Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Go to https://rocketmoney.com/badfriends • Morgan & Morgan: If you’re ever injured, you can check out Morgan & Morgan. Their fee is free unless they win. For more information go to https://ForThePeople.com/badfriends or dial Pound LAW (Pound 529) from your cell phone. This is a paid advertisement. YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com 0:00 Bobby Needs Stitches 17:30 The Magic Pills 24:00 Andy, Bob & Carl 33:45 Are Asian Babies the Cutest? 38:00 White People House Smell 45:19 Bobby's Cat Problem 49:00 Chicken Have Feelings 55:30 Santino in Scotland More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbylee.live More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Juicy Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jetskijohnson/?hl=en More Fancy SOS VHS: https://www.youtube.com/@SOSVHS Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fancyb.1 More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: 7EQUIS https://www.7equis.com/ Podcast Producer: Andrés Rosende This episode contains paid promotion. #bobbylee #andrewsantino #badfriends #sponsored #ads Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by PC Optimum. If you like a curated playlist, why not try a curated grocery list? With Swap and Save, the new feature in the PC Optimum app, you'll get PC Optimum's best price for your grocery items. Simply add products to your shopping list in the app, and it'll show you similar items at a lower cost. Add coffee to your list, then swap it for one that's cheaper. Craving chips?

The app will suggest some on sale. To get started, just open the app. It's as easy as that. See the PC Optimum app for details. Hey! Australia, we added shows. We added shows, down on the mic. Down on the mic.

So listen, Australia, go to BadFriendsPod.com for those tickets. We're adding shows in almost every single city because you guys bought so many tickets. We appreciate it. Thank you so much, man. We're gonna give you the best show you've ever seen. Best shows ever down on this. So go to badfriendspod.com for those tickets.

I'm coming to see you in the fall. I'm doing my tour for my new hour. It's called the Freeze Peach Tour. Come see me. I'm gonna be in Indianapolis, Charlotte, Iowa, Omaha, Kansas City, Cleveland, St. Louis, Grand Rapids, Detroit, Chicago, Durham, Atlanta, Charleston, Philly, New York, Phoenix, Kansas City, Cleveland, St. Louis, Grand Rapids, Detroit, Chicago, Durham, Atlanta, Charleston, Philly, New York, Phoenix, San Francisco, Boston, and Minneapolis.

I'm all over the place. Go to AndrewSantino.com for those tickets. AndrewSantino.com. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. You two are something.

We're bad friends. Well, I'm back. I'm back. I'm back. I'm back. I'm back. I'm back. I'm back. I'm an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. You two are something. We're bad friends. Well, I'm back, I'm back. We're back.

How was your world tour, guys? Great donkey. It was a great little tour in my little Asian donkey. Yeah. Had a great time in Scotland. You and Charlie Day, huh? Scotland. Yeah, Hollywood, he loves it.

Let me tell you something. I've been hunkered down here, man. Oh, you've been hunkering? Have you been hunkering? I'm hunkering down here making things happen, dude. First of all, you've been falling out of bed bunks and busting your lip. You have zero privileges anymore

to talk about Andrew's like headache. Yeah, my head bumps, look at your dumb lip. Show your lip to the people. It's healed now a little bit. Whoa, you know what that looks like? A nasty disease. It was nasty, dude. It's gross. If I hit my head in a certain way, I could have died. And you smile now. This is what I don't like about this show.

And this is what I don't like about all of you guys, right? Dude, you mock me. When I had the earthquake and I hit my head, you did the same thing. It was a little bump, dude. Did you get stitches, dog? What? I almost knocked out my eye. You did it, dude.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Yeah, you watch your tone, dude. That's insane. It's way too much. What I'm gonna say to you is this, okay? What were you dreaming about when you fell out of the bunk? I didn't fall out of the bunk, dude. You listen to my story, dude.

Yeah. Listen to the story, dude. All right, follow along, my friend. Also, I have some things I wanna say about certain people. You know, I'm people alone. Anyway, what I wanna say is this, okay? Is I do the show, I'm in Savannah, Georgia. About the, this is fully loaded.

I'm doing the fully loaded thing in Savannah, Georgia with Bert and everybody, right? Went up, it was okay, fun. You did great. We heard. I killed it. We heard. I killed it.

We heard. Great night with my friends backstage. Then there's a little powwow. You know, you know I love powwow. You're a big powwow guy. I'm a powwow guy, dude, cause I'm from Poway. Yeah.

You know what I mean? So we really love it. And we go rah, rah, rah rah rah rah rah rah rah. That's what you do in a Powah. That is. Yeah, yeah. On a campfire, there's always a campfire. And there's stories being told.

You smoke opium? No, I'm sober now. Okay. Yeah, back in the day though, we used to do that in the Powah. That's real Powah. And suck dick. Oh.

Yeah, opium and the dick and then vice versa. They go hand in hand. Exactly. So then I go, all right, so what bus am I on? And they're like the last one which is the fourth boss with who big J and no I don't even get that bus Who was on your body even know that's how about bad my bus you were with the crew No, I wasn't with the crew. I was with the riggers and stuff. No That's racist

Sorry, you're with the rigas. Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, thank you, yeah. We be rigging. Yeah, we be rigging. So anyway, what happened was I, no, what's the Cisco sound, what's his name? The thong song guys? Cisco? Yeah, the thong song Cisco, no, what's his name?

Oh, Seifah Sounds. Seifah Sounds. So he texted me, you know this, right? Right. He was like, your boy is not happy with me. And I was like, why, what happened? Cause I, you texted me. I'll tell you. Well, yeah, what happened. And I was like, why, what happened? Cause I said, you- I'll tell you.

Well, yeah, what happened? May I tell you? Yeah, what happened? All right, so it's two in the morning. And when I get on the bus, Kelsey Cook's, you know what I mean? Obviously bottom bunk. She's awesome. Her boyfriend, very funny guy.

Chad Daniels. Both so funny. But they're like, we got bottom bunk. We've already established. Well, yeah, they're a couple. They get priority. But they're not in the same bunk. They're separate bunk. You can't sleep in there with another person You barely fit in there. I know my point is is then why do they both get bottom?

But what does it matter because they want to pull the curtain back and have a little chit chat up and down That's even better. You can you have to look down when that's sure that's rock anyway And by the way when you're across they can sneak scurry across And then scurry back. Disgusting. Okay. Anyway, so I go, so what am I? They're like, that top bunk.

Dump bunk. So I gotta take all the shit off. And then there's no mattress. Right. I go, where's the mattress? Oh yeah, we took it out so we can put the stuff on. So I go, where is it? I, you know, we had to put it in there, right?

And then the pillow and the sheets smelled like Tony Hinscliffe, because he slept in it. It's misery, dude. It's camping, the worst kind of camping you'll ever. Once the pony's in there, that's my stable. So I'm sitting there and I decide, I'm gonna watch Battlestar Galactica from season one.

Nice. Okay. I'm watching, then I drift. You know how I dream? You be drifting. I drift, I dream, and I drift you know I dream you be drifting. I drift I dream and I fantasize revenge fantasies

All the tick-tockers. I'm gonna kill. You know, you know, yeah and then um, I Don't know two in the morning go, you know how one does pee Most do one does all do sometimes. That's right all the time. Mm-hmm So me I'm, should I wait? You know how you're in a sleep, you're like, you contemplate, you wake up because of the pee, you're like, can I sleep through this?

Right. But then it builds like a dam. It's bubbling. You're bubbling, dude. Good to see you, man. Good to see you. And I go, I go to the bathroom. So I open the curtain. It's pitch black.

What's so funny? Let me guess. You forgot. Don't say RIGA again. Once I say pitch black, you can't say RIGA. I'm sorry. Sorry about that. You forgot you were on the top bunk.

I didn't forget. Okay. Yeah, I know where I'm at. That's not how, I'm not confused. Watching you swing your little legs over the top bunk and dangle them. Yeah, I know where I'm at. That's not how, I'm not confused. Watching you swing your little legs over the top bunk and dangle them. Yeah. It's like the funniest shit I've ever seen in my life.

I know. It's just your little, two little legs Exactly. kicking in the air. I shouldn't be up there. You'd have no business. Did they get you a ladder? Should have put a little ladder up there. No, no ladder.

So what happened? So I scoop my little legs over, pitch black, and in my mind I'm like, how do I get down? Right? And I said, said, this is a way. You reach over to the other side and put your hand on the edge of the other bunk that's across the hall. So I reach and I go, there's no edge, and I fall. And my head hits the edge.

Hilarious. My head knocks back, I fall to the ground, and I'm knocked out. You know what I mean? I don't know what the fuck. And then this pain in my mouth. I thought I had lost teeth. And I open up and I'm drenched in blood. So I take off my shirt and I put it on my face

and then I go into the first half of the bus and I go to the bus driver and I go, I got locked unconscious and I think I need to go to the bus driver and I go, hey, I got locked unconscious and I think I need to go to the hospital. It won't stop bleeding my lips. And he goes, five hours away, bud. What am I gonna do? We're in the middle of nowhere.

Five hours away, bud. You can't just sit there five hours away? I go, okay. Like I don't wanna, also it's my first day on the tour. My bus trip goes to the hospital then all the other buses up. I don't know how it works But there's a group text and I text I go, you know SOS. I'll show you I'll show you the text What later? So anyway, I like I text everybody like so everyone's on the text at how but then also Leanne Kreischer Bert's wife everyone's on it

And I take a take a photo of my mouth and I go, I don't know what to do. I'm bleeding profusely. Profusely? You got it. Yeah. And I'm in so much pain and I just don't know what to do. Can somebody help me? Nobody helps me.

No one responded? They're all asleep. It's three in the morning. Oh, right. We're on the bus going to Westpump. Nobody heard you fall, Chad? Or? No, no, no. And, you know, they don't like me. Yes, right. We're on the bus. Nobody. Going to West Palm fall. Chad or no, no.

And, you know, they don't like me. Yes, they do. But I'll tell you what pissed me off now. Here we go. All right. Cypher sound cypher. I'm sitting there. Blood drenched shirt. OK, he's awake. He walks out like he just came out of a fucking, you know, man

rave. I don't know. That's not I don't know. It's totally funny. Try it again. Well, shit. All right I don't know, that's totally funny. Try it again, we'll add. Oh shit, all right. He walks in and comes out of like a smokehouse crack. A crack house.

A smokehouse crack. It's just crack house. No, that's even worse. A smokehouse crack? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. Yeah, it's not even a house, it's a crack. That's much more serious, a smokehouse crack.

It's so fucking serious. Because a crack house is one thing, but if you're in a smokehouse crack, you're in trouble. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's insane. That's bad. Yeah. And a crack house is one thing, but if you're in a smokehouse crack, you're in trouble. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's insane. That's bad. Yeah. And so his assistant or his buddy.

His buddy. God rest this kid's soul. He dead? He's dead? No. What the fuck was that? I don't know, thank you. You can't, God rest someone's soul. No, I didn't say that.

I said, thank you so much, God, for putting him in my life. This kid had come out like maybe a half an hour before sci-fi and sat with me. He goes, you know what? I'll stay awake and I'll sit with you. That's very nice. Until we get to West Palm.

Because you didn't wanna go to sleep in case you. I died. In case you die. Saifa comes out, he goes, hey, gotta go pee. Then I go, he goes pee, comes out, he goes, I go, I got knocked unconscious, I don't know what to do. And he goes, I'm tired, man.

And it went back. That's all he, it pissed me off. But what could he have done? Stay up with me. He was tired. Dude. He told you. There's blood everywhere.

I have no shirt on. I would have stayed up, but the relationship is different. You don't even know Saifah. You called him something else. You don't even know Sypha. You called him something else. You don't even know his name. Cause I didn't memorize it because of the thing that he did. Oh, you knew it before and you forgot it. I only memorize if I know that he's gonna be in my life.

That's right. There's not a lot of room up here. You know that, right? I know. There's only three, like the new girl. What's her name? I forgot. Wait a minute.

Let's honestly guess. Heidi. She looks like Heidi to me. What's the letter of your first name? Dee. Deanna. Whoa. It's Dee? your first name? Dee. Deanna. Whoa, it's Dee? I was way off mentally.

Deanna? No. Dee Dee. No. Diana. Did I just said that? Dork. Dork.

Dum dum. Dork us. Anyway, forget it. Whatever. So there's not a lot of room here, so I didn't memorize it. Anyway, we get to West Palm. I haven't slept.

Blood is gushing out of my mouth. I had to get nine stitches. No, nine? Yeah. That's so many. It went all the way to the bottom, dude. Wow. Yeah.

And then as soon as the bus, and thank God for Leanne. She's the greatest person on earth. One of the best. She runs to the bus, grabs me. Panicked, I'm sure. Panicked. Yeah. See, we gotta go to the hospital now,

we gotta go, you know what I mean? She's number one. She got somebody, you know what I mean? And then, you know, they called the paramedics, it was the whole fucking nine yards. Wow. Right, and then I went to the hospital, some Chinese man, you know, did it.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. It was the best. A Chinese. Dude, the Chinese are the best at it. The Stitcher was Chinese? The whole thing was Chinese. Everyone, you were in China? We're at a Chinese restaurant.

Oh, wow. Yeah, P.F. Chang's. Yeah. No, you were in China? We're at a Chinese restaurant. Oh, wow. Yeah, P.F. Chang's. No, no, we- You just get some duck and get some Stitcher? No, because we didn't go to the hospital. We went to like a clinic. Oh, right, an emergency- So I go in there and there's a black lady there.

Yeah, excuse me. What was that? Was that her? Or was that the Chinese guy? That wasn't the Chinese guy. Well, I can't tell anymore. Am I impressions? Yeah. It's not good, right? What, did she had an attitude because of you? Was that her or was that the Chinese guy? That wasn't the Chinese guy. Well, I can't tell anymore. My impressions?

Yeah. It's not good. What did she had an attitude because of you? No, that's rude. I was trying to make it comedic. But did she have an attitude? No, she didn't. She goes, can I help you?

That's very nice. That's better. Right. And that's more real. But was there a white person in there with it? No, they were all black. And I go, yeah. And she goes, nah, we can't do that.

We don't do that here because in the mouth, right? You might have to go to the hospital. But then the Chinese doctor came out and he looks at me and he goes, no, we do it now. Whoa. Like, you do it now? We do now. We don't know.

He goes, we don't know how, but we do it now. If you weren't Asian, do you think he would have helped you? No. If it was me, he would have turned me around. Hospital. Hospital. Yeah, gone. And then, I swear, this is not a lie, all right?

They had to like move things around and then look for things. That's not a good sign. Yeah, I know it wasn't, but I'm like, he's doing it for me. It wasn't readily available? No, no, she's like, well, that's, you know what I mean? The sutures and all that stuff, yeah, with the pad,

we don't know where, you know, they don't know. They're like looking at things, right? They don't know, they're like scrambling on, they're bringing chairs in that aren't supposed to, you know what I mean? And then she's like, there's no apparatus. He goes to the lady and she goes, he goes, open him out.

So she opens my mouth, keep it still. So she's like doing it with her fingers, and he's like just doing it like, I call it the first blood style. First blood. Remember first blood, when he falls off the fucking cliff? That's you. That was me, it did.

Wait, are these disappearing stitches or they take them back out? They're disappearing. They're the ones that mold into you. They mold in? Well, they go into your skin, right? Don't they dissolve into your skin? Yeah, they dissolve in the skin, yeah, yeah.

But what does that really mean? Is that, you think there's- I'm a scarecrow. Could that be another- I'm a scarecrow. Is that another vaccine? Oh, maybe. They can actually dissolve by being absorbed by the body as wound heals But I just don't trust them. Oh, yeah, because it was a Chinese guy It could have been you know what it was bamboo probably

It was fucking bamboo did you think he helped you because you were Asian 100% if you weren't Asian you just sent you away Go go. Yeah, what if you're that's what if you're a black guy? Cuz the black girl was up front no He wouldn't even give me a suggestion. I don't think the black Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't know but he looked at me and he was like I'm gonna help this guy He felt like he had to do it for the motherland right so then I um I go you know what all right So I get the stitches and I'm they like, well, what about the show tonight? I go, I think I can do it.

But I haven't slept all day, I've just been bleeding into my shirt. So I'm gonna go to a hotel, right? And I slept for like seven hours. Wow. I wake up, and I couldn't talk. Right, you're swollen. I'm swollen, and there's so much pain.

Because I'm in AA and stuff, I can't take any medication for it, except ibuprofen. And I just call them and I go, I can't do this, I'm so sorry. And they're like, we understand. What did it sound like? I can't do the show. Like that. Yeah.

Anyway, so they go, so I just took a flight back to LA. You came home immediately. I came home and I just spent like five days alone, just weathering through it. Have you been, yeah, you seem like you were upset when we talked. Well, I was upset. Here's the thing.

I'm grateful that I didn't hit my head, you know, like, you know what I mean? Like if I hit my forehead, I think it would have been way worse. Yeah, you'd have been like Carlos. Yeah, and I don't wanna be like Carlos. Nobody does. That's insane, dude. would have been way worse. Yeah, you'd have been like Carlos. Yeah, and I don't want to be like Carlos. Nobody does. That's insane, dude.

You have a good body. Thanks, bro. But I don't have that. So I would have just your mind. Of your body. It's my body and it doesn't work. It's end game. I get that.

Yeah, so no offense. And none taken? None taken. Okay, good. None taken? Yeah. We're good at this point. Take some.

Yeah. Take some. I secretly took some. Take one, leave some for others. Yeah, good. None taken? Yeah. We're good at this point. Take some. Yeah. Take some. I secretly took some. Take one, leave some for others. Yeah, leave some for the other people. So, um. Did you hold your pee this whole time?

All right, dude, it's not like I was bleeding in my shoulder. I gotta hold the pee too. It's like, no, I went to pee. That's what you were thinking about the whole time while telling the story, like when's the pee happen? Yeah, when is the pee? That's insane. True, did you pee at pee happen? Yeah, when is the pee? That's insane.

True, did you pee at any point? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, well it's like watching a movie, you just assume, like I just saw Planet of the Kingdom of the Apes, right? Yeah. Right, there's no shit scene, but you just assume that the monkeys are shitting somewhere.

I would like to see that. I would love to see a shit scene with the monkey. Why are they not showing that? Yeah, they don't show that. Because the ones that throw the shit, that's always fun, I'd love to see that. Yeah, you weaponize it. Yes. Weaponize show that. Because the ones that throw the shit, that's always fun, I'd love to see that. Yeah, you weaponize it. Weaponize your poo.

So anyway, yeah, any movie. When's the last time you saw a movie and they go, oh, that's a good shit scene? Never, not one movie you can tell me. Unless it's a comedy, oh yeah, I know, no, Dumb and Dumber. That's the only one where you can't flush the toilet. I assumed that in Pulp Fiction, right?

I assume he was shitting, because he took long enough. Oh yeah, that's it. And the pop tarts came up, so that's a good scene. Yeah. Let's think of another really like powerful one. Train spotting. Train spotting. Very good.

Oh, I know one. What? But I don't think he was shitting. It doesn't matter, just a good bathroom. All right, so it was the guy, the lawyer in Jurassic Park. Oh, I know one. What? But I don't think he was shitting. It doesn't matter, just a good bathroom. All right, so it was the guy, the lawyer in Jurassic Park. Oh, so good. Runs to the fucking Pony Pony, like a coward, leaves the kids there.

Yeah. And sister trembling, and then this fucking, the T-Rex just, oh, it's a great scene. They split him up half, right? They split him in half. Yeah, bit him in half. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Something about Mary, such a good bathroom scene

when he zips his beans over the Frank But you rarely in a drama or a suspense or like a it's always in comedy It's never in like a serious movie because Daniel Day-Lewis is not gonna poop on camera unless it's a vital part of the story I would love to see Abe Lincoln poo though What do you what is he thinking when he's pooping three scores four scores how many scores it depends on how Yeah, yeah, yeah, just yours like blue blue blue. Yeah. Yeah, four scores three How many scores? It depends on how many drops you get. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He just hears like, boop, boop, boop. Yeah, yeah, four scores.

I mean, that's the way he came up with that. Four scores. Yeah, yeah. So are you good now? Yeah, I'm gonna go back out two days from now. Oh, good. Yeah, I'm gonna do two more and then I think I'm done. But they've been so nice and caring about what's going on.

Tour is great. You've done it. Yeah, I did it last year. It was amazing. And this one, you were done it. Yeah, I did last year. It was amazing. And this one, you're with Whitney. No, I was on one with Whitney. Oh, she's on it now. Yeah, I'm not on hers.

I'm on another. The other leg. Yeah, mine tour is with Soder. Love Soder. Morrell. Sam the best. Yeah. What a crew.

David Tell, King. Greatest. Yeah. Big Jay, I said. Big Jay Okere. He's, King. Greatest. Yeah. Big Jay, I said. Big Jay Okere. He's on, Oprah's son. Yep. I love him.

He's a great guy. Who else? I'm Kelsey Cook. And Dan. Dan, yeah. I mean, not Dan. Matt. Wait, why'd you say yes if I said Dan?

Sullivan. What's his name? Matt. No, Chad Daniels. Chad O. Daniels, yeah. Chad Daniels, not O. Daniels. I just met him, so I don't know. Chad Daniels. I just met him.

He's gonna be in my new, I'm gonna put his name in here. He's very funny. But psycho psycho, no. You don't like, psycho sounds, psycho, psycho sounds is gone. I can't even memorize it, no. You know what, it's so funny, because I know he called you in Scotland.

Yeah, Dana. Is your name Dana? No. Okay, yeah, go ahead. Debbie. No. It's like, it's something hippie. Like Dandelion or something. Danica.

Dormat. Denise. Denise? No. No, it is. Darla. No, it's Denise. Is it Denise?

No, it's not. Okay, we'll figure it out later. Don't stop. Yeah. So yeah, and I'm gonna go back out. They assure me a bottom bunk this time. You should, I would hope. Yeah, I refuse to get on with it.

It's not the bottom. It'd be so funny if they made you go up top again. And I fell again. Who's sleeping in the backpack? Nobody. Why don't you sleep back there? I know. You deserve it. You busted your lip.

Cause they left. Yeah, I should do that. You deserve that. And I'd make, I'd throw a fit. Yeah, I'm gonna get back bunk. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Thank you so much. You deserve back bunk. What are a- Yeah, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna get back bunk. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Thank you so much. You deserve back bunk.

What are you texting somebody? I'm gonna text, I'm gonna- Text Bert. I'm back bunk. Yeah. But you know, I haven't broken a bone ever. I really haven't. And I've never been hurt like that as an adult.

So it was sort of like, I was kind of like, when I was healing, I was like, I'm just grateful. You know what I mean? You seem so disinterested. Who? Carlos. Me? I'm not. Why?

You're such a piece of shit, dude. I was looking at Andrew to see what he was doing. We're doing multiple things at the same time. It's fine. I mean, we are just talking about the same injury for 20 minutes. Ah, great. Did you hear him just now?

I heard what he said. Where's the pill? Oh. I'm gonna take it tonight. Oh forget it. Not good for the lip. Is that the boner pill? Yeah Yeah, you're gonna take that this is what happened when I was cleaning the other day if I don't get a repel at the end Of this podcast. I'm there's gonna be another all right. There's gonna be another thing coming To you guys you know what you're I'm 52 I I'm single, and I want to, you know, I wanna grow. Boink, boink, boink, boink. I wanna boink, and guess what, you know what helps me?

Bluechew. Bluechew, this episode is sponsored by Bluechew. Let's talk about sex, okay? Guys, you remember the days when you were always ready to go? Well, now you can increase performance and get that extra confidence in bed. Listen up, bluechew.com has you covered. Bluechew is a unique online service

that delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra, but in chewable tablets and at a fraction of the cost. It's so easy. You know, you sign up at Bluechu.com, consult with one of their licensed medical providers. Once you're approved, you'll receive your prescription within days, and it's discreet. You don't gotta go to a doctor's office. Bobby loves this stuff. I love it.

The blue moves you. Bluechu wants to help you have better sex, discover your options at bluechew.com, chew it and do it. And we've got a special deal for our listeners, try Bluechew free. When you use our promo code badfriends, at checkout just pay $5 for shipping.

That's bluechew.com promo code badfriends to receive your first month for free. Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information, and we thank Bluechu for sponsoring the podcast Rocket money, you know guys on guess what? I'm a money saver You are and I've saved so much money through rocket money, you know I have so many subscriptions out there. I don't even know what's out there so many but rocket money consolidates all of it

Yeah, and it helps you go helps you get rid of them Yeah That's the ones that you don't use and you don't need. And you know what? Most people aren't tracking your credit card statements and your bank history. You're trying your best, but things get lost in there. And Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills

so you can grow your savings. With Rocket Money, I have full control over my subscriptions and clear view of my expenses. I can see all of my subscriptions in one place. And if I see something I don't want, Rocket Money can help me cancel it with a few taps. Amazing. Most Americans think they spend about 62 bucks a month

on subscriptions. Get this, real numbers closer to $300 a month. That's absurd. That's so much money you could be throwing away and spending on other stuff. Like what else? What could you rather spend that money on? On shoes, laces.

Shoes, shoelaces, big shoelaces fan. Yeah. I'll buy you the shoes, you buy the laces. Knee pads. Rocket Money has over five million users, has saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions. Oh my God. Up to $740 a year when using all the apps features.

Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash bad friends. That's rocketmoney.com slash bad friends. Rocketmoney.com slash bad friends. Morgan and Morgan. I'm driving. Whoa.

On my back. Bobby, are you okay? No. Well, let me call Morgan and Morgan. Okay. You know why? If you're ever injured, you can check out Morgan and Morgan. Because Morgan and Morgan makes things simple.

Life can be crazy and someone's negligence can result in another person's settlement. Morgan and Morgan has your back. Morgan & Morgan is America's largest injury law firm. They have over 100 offices nationwide and more than a thousand lawyers. They got over $20 billion recovered for over 500,000 clients.

Morgan & Morgan has a proven track record of fighting to get you full and fair compensation. Yeah, submitting an injury claim with Morgan & Morgan is so easy. It's so easy. Making jambalaya out of carrots alone is hard. That is really hard. But what?

What? But submitting an injury claim with Morgan & Morgan is easy. That's right. Give me another one. Scaling the wall. Of Big China. Of Big China. Walking the entire wall of China is hard.

Submitting an injury claim with Morgan & Morgan, it's easy. If you're ever injured, you can check out Morgan & Morgan. Their fee is free unless they win. That's right. For more information, go to forthepeople.com slash bad friends or dial pound law pound five to nine from your cell phone. That's for the people,

F-O-R-thepeople.com slash bad friends or pound law pound five to nine from your cell. This is a paid advertisement. Well, during my pain, I was like, I don't know what to do tonight, because I'm not going out. So I go, you know, when you don't know what to do, you go to the hustler store.

Yeah, everyone does. Generational, my family's always done that in pain. And I go, and they know me now. They go, hey Bob, what's up? And they, you know, it's like, you know, cheers. All right, what's up, Norm? Was he there? Was Norm there?

Yeah, Norm was there, yeah. Cliff was there too? And they go, you know what it. All right, what's up Norm? Was he there? Was Norm there? Cliff was there too? And they go, you know what it reminds me of? You know in like Triple X or like Bond movies, there's like, you know what I mean, come here and they open up a thing and there's like these gadgets. Yeah, I have that guy there, Mr. Lea, come on in, you know what I mean? And I go in there and look, what we got?

This black market. And they have all these like, you know, there's a new toy that I got, right? And I literally kiss it when I'm done using it. I literally go, thank you. And I kiss it like, put it to bed. What? What's the toy?

It's just a new apparatus, right? And it's so powerful and it's so beautiful. It's a suck machine? It's beyond that. It's my girlfriend. How much does it cost? How much did it cost? They're not, also I went online and I bought like four

of them, cause you know what happens is- You break them. Not just the break them, they always discontinue things. And in my mind, I'm like, I got, you know what I mean? As if it's like, you know, you know- It goes out of season at some point. Yeah, yeah, like they're never gonna make it. Let's say it's like those breakfast carnation bars

in the seventies and 80s that I loved and they don't make them anymore. So I'm afraid that they're gonna. Discontinue. Discontinue them, yeah, yeah. I get that. I showed McCone my collection. Did you like it, McCone?

I mean, I've never seen anything like it. I don't know. Oh my God, dude. It's so good, dude. Just kinda add on to the story. Yeah, yeah. He's so good, dude. Just trying to add on his- Yeah, yeah. He's been very, you know, also he snaps on me now, McCone, have you noticed that?

Yeah, he gets a little attitude. No, even when I'm running into him at the comedy story, he'll snap. What does he say? And so now I know that underneath there's a resentment and he won't tell me what the resentment is because I don't want it to get out of control. We know what happens when that happens. No. Yeah, and I apologize for that. I I see what what do you remember?

What the snap was about? I remember exactly what it was. Okay. I took a picture of your busted lip and Then you said let me see it and then I said it's film Then you got mad. Oh, that's but that's not how we said it Okay, right. Yeah. Let me see it. He goes, it's film. And I go, whoa, dude, I just said film. Like what's the fucking anger about? I was just texting Leanne.

I said, you gotta give my boy the back bunk. And what did she say? In a show with Bert, call you in a few. Okay. Probably gonna discuss. We'll have to discuss the deal terms though, but I will act as your attorney for this. Thank you.

Look, I just think that given my client's trauma, I just believe it's safer and better for everybody, including Psycho Psycho Sounds, to have you removed from his area. No, I want to see Syfy, and I want to say about him. He's a very funny guy. He's great. He's dynamic. He also DJs, right? Yeah.

Yeah. He's got the whole thing, and he really is a nice guy. In fact, I think he was too high and in the morning, before I got shipped off to the makeshift hospital, the Chinese man, he was like very apologetic. He was like, I was super high. I didn't know what the fuck was going on. Oh, that's nice.

And so I was just, as a joke, putting him on blast. But it worked, yeah. But just as a joke and he's a nice guy, he's a bright future. I'll never do anything it worked, yeah. But he just says a joke, and he's a nice guy, he's a bright future. I'll never do anything with him. Right. Yeah, I mean, but I'm sure he'll pave his way. Yeah.

He'll pave his way? I don't know. I guess so. Can't we only hope? I hope so. I hope he has all the fucking equipment to do that. To physically pave? Like, you mean like road work stuff?

Yeah, because his limited days in comedy is over. No, I'm kidding. No, he's very funny. And I just met him, he's a super nice guy. He was just super high and it was like a- Yeah, it was a moment. Yeah, yeah. It's funny who, you know, when I was in pain,

it's like, who called me? You did a lot. Yeah, what the fuck? And you were in Scotland. I called you from Scotland. Hold on, Leigh Ann's calling right now. Let's discuss. But I do want to. I called you from Scotland. Hold on, Leigh Ann's calling right now. Let's discuss. But I do wanna hear who called you.

Hi. Mister, what's up? Hey, you're on Bad Friends with me and Bobby, so don't say anything that you usually say. Don't say crazy shit like you usually do, okay? We have to be good with our audience, and I know that you're known to just say wild shit. I noticed that my client, Robert Lee,

is injured from your tour. You know I'm attorney at law and I'm not going to take legal action, but I am going to fight for my client. Okay. You mean the operator error that happened when getting out of his own bunk? Oh, wait, it was my client's fault. Yeah, it was operator error. Okay. Okay. My client tells me that the gap between his bunk and the next bunk was significantly larger than normal buses. Is this not true? I think it's about length of arm, maybe.

Length of arm, okay. Yeah. Length of arm. But you know that your client, but the client, you know how his arms are not human arms. You know how my client's arms are very, much smaller than normal human arms. You are aware of that.

I am now. Okay. Yeah. Well, moving forward. So let's put him on a bottom bunk if you don't mind, please. I can do that. I can make that happen for him. Fair enough.

You will see no legal ramifications for this. I really appreciate you and have a wonderful day. Nice. I can't wait to have him back. We love you. When you are coming too. Me too. I know I miss you guys and I'm sending him on behalf of me, so I love you guys, have fun, we'll talk to you soon.

Love you guys. Love you. Bye. Bye. She's the best, she's the best. Number fucking one. She's number one. She's too good for him.

For Burt? Yeah. No, what are you fucking talking about? Oh, I mean, he's good too. He's really good too. No, but you see her and you go, wow, I get it. Every guy that's with a woman like that is always gonna be worse than the woman.

Like they're always out kicking their co-wife. Yeah. You're gonna end up with someone who's way better than you. Like your wife was way better than you. Yeah, you're gonna be with someone who's way better than you. That's how it goes. Look at Fancy.

Look at Fancy. Way above his league. His wife is stunning. Stunning, goes. Look at Fancy. Look at Fancy. Way above his league. His wife is stunning. Stunning. Yeah. Look at... That's it. That's it. In the room. Yeah, that's it. And McCone, he outkicks his coverage. I mean, so does Carlos.

You see anybody, McCone? Not currently. Yeah. How about you, Carl? He's calling him Carl? It feels better, right? Carl, are you not hooking up with anybody right now or dating or anything? I hooked up with someone last week.

I don't think it'll last. I'm talking to a couple of girls right now. Yeah. That's it? Yeah. Nothing fun. It doesn't sound fun. You sound a little low today.

Yeah, I'm not like super into it. I'm not like crushing or anything like that. Well, the summer's coming. Don't you want to be a little free summer boy? Like a white boy summer. Yeah, don't you want to be a little free summer boy? Like a white boy summer? Yeah, don't you want to have a little white boy summer? Kind of, but I'm just more hanging out. He seems low.

I can't wait until you find, there will be one woman that he's gonna go, that's it. Or a man that doesn't, I mean. What else? Yeah. Exactly. Right? Well it could, could it not be a guy? It could be a really handsome, like cool guy.

No, honestly, can you see yourself marrying a guy? Be real. No. Marrying a guy? It could be a really handsome, like cool guy. No, honestly, can you see yourself marrying a guy? Be real. No. Marrying a guy? That's illegal, isn't it? Yeah, in some places, I think. No, I wouldn't marry a man. But there are guys, like Henry Cavill, like if he was like,

Oh, marry me, Carl. Superman, Henry Cavill, goes, hey, I want it, let's get married, would you marry him? Yes. Why? Because he's so handsome. All right, so that's the rest of your life. Oh, and you wouldn't Henry Cavill or Tom Hardy or Austin Butler. I would fuck one time For the story for the story you wouldn't marry no I wouldn't 100% now. I would marry okay good

What's so funny? What do you mean you would definitely marry now? What? What's so funny? What do you mean? You would definitely marry. No, I wouldn't. Shut up, Ted. No, I wouldn't. Yes, you would.

I would not marry. Security. I have security. Well, you love the fame. You would love the fame. Not as famous as you. You would love the fame. You're famous.

No, I'm not. You are. And would I marry you? No. Yes, you would. No, what? Fucking, nah. If I set it up right.

What? If I set it up right. What? If I set it up right. Operation? Yeah. No, because you know what it is? Once you smile, every sex, and once you smiled, we would erupt in a laughter. And we wouldn't be able to fit in, it would be too funny. Who else called you while you were hurt, by the way?

Oh, here we go, so. Because I called you from around the fucking world. Yeah, so you called, obviously the people from, you know what I mean, the two were called. Right. You know, people that were close to me, like my manager and stuff, right? But no one else from this side of my business.

Really? Yeah. None of these people. You do call. I texted you. I texted you. Never called, though. Because you never pick up my calls, so I texted you. In this, when it comes to lifetime injuries,

Yeah. And it's severe things, you call. It's a call. Yeah. Yeah, but he didn't reply because this is a call time. That's call only. Injury call. Yeah, injury call, dude.

You don't text. I'm sorry, I didn't wanna. Nothing from Carl. Carl, you had nothing? Nothing from Carl. I don't text. I'm sorry, I didn't wanna. Nothing from Carl. Carl, you had nothing? Nothing from Carl. I don't wanna bother Bob. You call me Bob now? I always call you Bob behind your back.

Yeah, you call Andy. No you don't. I've never said that. You don't call Andy. No, no, no. Yeah, yeah. Big guy. You hate Andy, right?

Yeah, it's so gross. But why, because now, because we're so close now, can I please be the one guy to call you Andy? No, I'd rather you make up a nickname for me. No, I wanna call you Andy. Make up a nickname. And?

No. Yeah, yeah. Angie? Can I call you Angie? It doesn't have to be derivative of my name. It can be anything. Yeah. Like you, you're my dumpling, my noodle.

I call you all sorts of stuff. Hot link. Hot link? Yeah. Hot link yeah link yeah I'll be your hot link yeah or a red hot HT hot link I don't know I want to call you Andy yeah I'm gonna call you hot link I know Andy I'm gonna call you Andy no please I wouldn't be the one guy on earth that'd be cool and then people like I can call him that no no this is reserved for me let me have the one thing with you make it cute though make no Andy's so cool look at look at fucking uh What piglet make call me a little piglet that's better? Yeah? I'm a little piglet But what is your thing with Andy it just sounds too childlike or yeah, it sounds like it sounds like a kid

Yeah, people you call me Bob. I don't like that. I let you do it. I don't often call you Bob. You have though. And I don't correct you. Well then I won't anymore. Okay. Deal. That's how offensive Andy is then? No, it doesn't really, it doesn't bother me. It's just as weird, it's not my name.

Okay. A nickname would make more sense for me than that. Okay. And Carl, you don't like that? No, it's like. No, you are Carl though. You are Carl. I don't like it. I, it's like. No, you are Carl though. You are Carl. I don't like it.

I like it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can we do Carl? 100%. Yeah, yeah. It's already changed. Yeah. Like there's a guy that I know that calls me,

you know, because it's Cheeto, he calls me cheese. And I don't like it, but I do like it. Is he black? If a black guy calls you anything, it's gonna sound cooler than if a white guy says it. Right, cause I have black comments call me Chan. Love that. What's up, Chan?

Like Jackie? Yeah. And then like the other day I saw post, Chrissy D, right, they were doing a baby poll about who looks cuter, black babies or Asian babies. And Miss Pat was the guest. And she goes to her assistant, hey, you're not Chinese guy. I do this podcast sometimes. She doesn't even know my name.

I know that. Yeah. And she's done it, my podcast so many times. That's okay because it's just on brand almost. Yeah. But if anybody else did that, I'd be so mad that they forgot my name. She said all them Chinese babies look like Bobby Lee. Yeah, yeah. That's Bobby Lee. That's Bobby Lee. That's Bobby Lee. She said, very funny. But it is true. Brick, a bunch of Asian babies. And she's right. Yeah, yeah, that's Bobby Lee, that's Bobby Lee, that's Bobby Lee, she said, very funny. But it is true, a bunch of Asian babies, and she's right. Yeah, yeah, that's true. I mean, it's collectively. Yeah, but the argument is-

Which baby's cuter, black babies or Chinese baby? Yeah, what is do you think? Black baby, it's not even close. It's not even remotely close. Look at the one in the hoodie, dude. That looks like baby Yoda right there, dude. Dude, that right there, dude? I will bet on that baby over any black baby you find me.

I'll find you. Look at that baby, dude. That's what they usually look like. Yeah, yeah. It's torn up for them. Not cute though? Just give me black babies. Yeah, cute black baby, let's see.

Not even close. Look at the first one. Click on the fucking first one. That's a 26 year old guy. Yeah, you're right. Look at how good looking that kid is. He wrote a book already this one. He's on tour right now with Matt Rife. Him and Matt Rife are opening stadiums.

Oh my god, cute. Little Black Babies is number one. Number one, dude. And then also when they have attitude, I love it. Yes. You know what I mean? When they do attitude, I love it. Yes. You know what I mean? Mr. I don't know you. You know what I mean? When they do that, I love it. I love it.

You know what I mean? And then it's like, you're two. How do you know that attitude? Amazing. I love it, dude. And the Chinese one, they don't have. They don't know. Right?

They don't know, dude. No. Yeah, yeah. Chinese babies. No, I saw this one Asian baby. She was so in touch. She was probably six years old. In touch with her feelings.

She was basically, mom, I just want you to know that you're the greatest and feel your heart. Cute. And just live in the moment. All these fuck, I was like, yeah. At six, dude? I didn't even know the English language. No, yeah.

You were still behind. I got the, you know what I mean? Eating my burger. I mean, and then there English language. No, yeah, you were still behind. You know what I mean? Eating my burger. I mean like, and then there are these kids that are like, they have full sentences and they're very mindful. Emotionally developed. And developed. That's weird.

Like you, you weren't like that at six. Lunatic. If I ask you at six years old, I go, how do you feel about life now? I was so far. I was at six? Yeah, you be a six year old. Yeah.

Go ahead. Yeah, that's right. How do you feel about life so far? Yeah, no, me too, yeah, yeah. I'm a toy. Toy, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. My dad's gone.

A file. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, yeah. I put you on file. Break, break, break, break, toy, break, break. Yeah, yeah, that's exactly what it is. Yeah, that's it. R, yeah. I burn you on fire. Break, break, break, toy, break, break. Yeah, yeah, that's exactly what it is. Yeah, that's it. Ruin, break, destroy.

When did I even learn to even put a thought together? Probably 12. Mid-20s. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a real thought. Maybe in my- Like why am I here?

Well, that one is- Yeah, that one, yeah. That'll get me. Yeah. Maybe teens, I started to think about stuff. Before I was a teenager, I didn't think about shit. You're just living. Yeah.

You're just kind of going about your shit. I remember when I thought, why am I here? I was, and I know the guy's name. I was at Painted Rock Elementary School. We were playing softball, right? I was running from first base to second base, and you know what I mean? Kicked me in the nutsack.

Why? I don't know why. I don't like that. And I fell to the ground, and I remember it was so much pain. And I remember also thinking, wow, my nuts are so small, he hit it right on. So he was a sniper, right?

And I remember going, why am I here? Yeah, what's the purpose of that? Like, what's the point of this? This is ridiculous. What's that? That's painted rock. Yeah, what's the purpose of that? Like, what's the point of this? This is ridiculous. What's that? That's painted rock. Yeah, I lived literally five minutes from there. Painted rock.

That's amazing that they have that on the internet. That's everything. They have everything, yeah, yeah, you forget. I guess sometimes when I go to Poway, I'll drive by my house. You drive by your old place? Yeah, I drive by it and it just, it instantly puts me back. What do you, do you smell something?

Do you, what is it? What's the take, what's the moment that brings you back? Like what's the thought or what's the emotion? I think of my dad, I think, you know, mainly. Like the way your dad talked or sounded. Yeah, I mean, because, you know, I, you know, I talk about my life as it was kind of grim, but there were pockets of joy and there were pockets of good. You know memories with him

You know and my mom you know was your best memory with your dad my dad my mom would yell at him like you don't ever Do talk him to know nothing you don't ever take him to nothing nothing like he was not one of those guys It's like you know let's go to the ball game or you know mean well you let me talk to teach you how to do this Yeah, so one day he didn you know what I mean? Well you don't. Let me teach you how to do this. Yeah. So one day he didn't know what to do, so he like just put me in his car and he didn't know where to go. So he's just trying to drive me around

and I just knew this as a kid, instinctually I go, this fool doesn't even know where to go. We're supposed to be at Father Sunday, you know what I mean? And he just went to some like generic park with a bench. And he goes like, is you know, the family come here.

Yeah. Right? We get out and we just sit on this bench, right? And I remember this because he yelled at me later because I forgot my jacket there. Yeah. But I remember being on the, and this is why, what's it, why are you smiling?

I'm listening to a next story of you and your dad. So in my mind, I'm like, the reason why I remember this is because it was so, it was such an anomaly, right? Yeah. And I sat there, we didn't talk, but I just remember thinking, go, he's trying. It's really nice.

It was nice. But then later it was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, they're talking! You know what I mean? And it hit me, I think, you know what I mean? But I just remember that day though was nice. I like those moments. Yeah, yeah.

Do you smell, do you remember how it smelled in the house? I do. Do you know what I mean when you remember how a house used to smell? It smelled like kimchi. The whole time. Yeah, I remember having to tell people, you know what I mean? Hey. Get a load of this.

Prepare yourself for this smell. Right, and then, because my house always smelt. Now when you're in it, and you're like, during the summer, you don't smell it. But then when you go to school, and then you come back, you smell like regular, you know what I mean, like classroom. Right.

And then always when you came in and go, oh yeah, here it is, you know what I mean? It's like dead whale pussy. That's what it smelled like. Dead whale pussy, yeah. What do white people's houses smell like when you were- I love it. When you went to a white house.

There was a little bit of moth, like with the cotton, moth balls. Yeah. There's a hint of moth balls. I don't know, I always smell a hint of coffee. Yeah, well we're always drinking coffee. Yeah, a hint of coffee. And then it's always like,

and I didn't know the word for it back then. Baloney. Soap. No. Oh my God. Pumpkin spice. There was always a little pumpkin spice. Like a hint of that kind of like.

It's a nutmeggy. Nutmeggy like, you know what I mean? Like fall smell, which I love. It gives another smell that you hear, because I'm a connoisseur of white smells. I don't know if you know that. I've been in many white houses. Big with the whites.

I've spent the night there, you know what I mean? And there's a little bit of leather. Yeah. And you know where the leather's from? A baseball mitt, usually. We leave those around the house. Do you really? I have one in every room.

Yeah, yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Wherever you're going, you better believe American Express will be right there with you. Heading for adventure? We'll help you breeze through security.

Meeting friends a world away? You can use your travel credit. Squeezing every drop out of last day? How about a 4 p.m. late checkout? Just need a nice place to settle in? Enjoy your room upgrade. Wherever you go, we'll go together. That's the powerful backing of American Express.

Visit amex.ca slash ymx. Benefits vary by card, terms apply. I always smell that, and I always talk about it. Well, when I did NACA. Your college. The college thing. You know, one night I was in Indiana Indiana and they're like, you have to spend the night at these old people's house in the attic for one night and then you kind of take

the Greyhound bus to the next thing. So I remember, and they're like, lights out at nine. And it's the dead of winter and it's cold as fuck. And they gave me a thin, one that they fucking knitted, one of those blankets, so it's like itchy. So I'm in this attic like this, creaking, right? And I'm like, oh, there's no way I'm gonna sleep. There's fucking no way I'm gonna sleep, right? But I remember going, let's analyze the smells.

What's in there? All the things I told you about. And that's how I'm an expert. Leather. Leather stands out. Are you an expert of smells at people's houses? No, but I do walk into some people's houses. I do not like the way it smells sometimes.

Yeah, okay, so let's say I'm Armenian. What would you smell? I'm not coming over. Really? No. Not even to play chess? No, of course I'm coming over. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, no, it smells like cologne, a lot of it. Oh, a lot of it, yeah. So much that it's, I can't breathe. I'm stuffy, I get stuffy. Right. I get stuffy. But let me ask you something, pal. Andy, if I may.

Go ahead. Right. What would be the perfect smell in a house? If I walked in- Laundry. Mexicans though. Mexicans, laundry. Best smelling houses.

Their houses always smell laundry. Way too much though. Doesn't matter. Why do they use so much? I love it. I use a lot because of them. They inspire me. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. I over dump. I over dump too. I over dump. Yeah, I smell my shit. But that's why, because I want to smell my shirt four days later and it still smells like laundry. Dude, they figure that out.

They just overuse. I think they- And it's a good thing. Yeah. Yeah. That's cultural. Yeah, I love how they refried the bean. That it's a good thing. Yeah. Yeah. That's cultural. Yeah. I love how they refried the bean. That's what I'm saying.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, they clever. They're clever in that way. If they're going to fry the bean twice, they're going to put in two Tide Pods. That's, that's, that's the theory. Dude, that dude, the thinking behind it. Right. Might as well do twice, huh?

Two times the concentration. That bottle right there, it looks like that black people love that to drink. Oh. Right? Y'all got anything in the fridge? Yeah, we got fabuloso. We got a Coca-Cola classic, orange juice, fabuloso. That just gives you diabetes once you drink it, I think.

Frabbolozole, that gives you diet, you die. You die. Yeah, you die. That's insane, that stuff. Yeah, so I wanna talk about another thing and I don't know what to do. I'm at my last, I'm at my last. Your last gas?

Yeah, and there's nothing I can do. But you know, I spent some money to interior design my house, so I have brand new furniture at my house. It looks great. It looks like a movie, my house. But I can't sit down on any of the furniture because of Ming. What's going on?

My cat Ming decided I don't like this furniture, so I'm just gonna pee on every bit of the furniture. Oh my God. So she goes to every piece of furniture and just pisses on it, right? So then I go online, I go, okay, like the spray, you know what I mean? Like, you know what I mean?

The anti, she loves it. She thinks it's like, oh, pee more. You know what I mean? Like, it's almost like, I should pee here, where the spray is, right? And we went to the hospital, you know what I mean? Everything's fine, right? And I just don't hospital, you know what I mean? Everything's fine, right? And I just don't know what to do, so it's just like,

and I talk to Ming every night, I go, yo dog, it's like, bro, it's like, I really do have these conversations. What if you keep Ming in one of your rooms? Like in, why? No, because I don't, I want my cats to be free as well. But I mean, does she do this when you're home or when you're not home?

Usually when I'm not home. Well, that's right, so when you're not home, keep her in a room where she learns her lesson. Right. But then when I'm sleeping, I don't want her, no. She won't do it. Yeah, I can't do it. You gotta coach her through it.

Really? Right, though? I mean, you do that with dogs. You gotta train the cat. The cats are smarter than dogs. But she's 12. She knows what she's doing. She just started doing it.

Because she doesn't like your fucking taste. She doesn't like it. Yeah, like, you know, I don't like modern. Yeah. That she's doing. She's more of a contemporary cat. Oh, I see. That's what it is.

No, I think what it is is because during the construction we had so many people over. Oh, she didn't like that. It stressed her out. Well, yeah, you shouldn't have done that. That pissed her off. Yeah, I know. But anyway. You spent the fortune on all that furniture.

It's all fucked up. Yeah, but still it's still worth keeping a cat, my cat. I love her so much. Well, yeah, I'm not saying get rid of the cat. Yeah, but you know, I do look at her and I go, why? Why? Yeah, yeah. It was so nice to come home and see my dog.

Yeah, what was he like? She, what was she like? Freaking out, freaking the fuck out. Piddled a lot, she piddles a lot when she sees me. When I come home off a road trip, I have to greet her outside, cause she pisses everywhere. She keeps pissing.

She pisses. On you? She pisses on everything, she just pisses. Cause she's so excited. Yeah, she pisses. They call it piddling or coddling or whatever. But honestly dude, she just keeps pissing. And she'll roll over on her back and I'll scratch her.

She likes bellies. And she'll just be pissing in the fucking all over the place. Inside the house. That's why I greet her outside. Whenever I come home from a road trip, like a show or tour, I put my suitcases aside, I open the door and I let her run out and greet me outside because she pisses everywhere.

Wow. And it's gotta be weird for someone walking by, like, look at that, that's so cute. And it's just me smiling, scratching a dog, and pissing all over the place. Wow. She usually pisses all over my clothes when I come home. She does.

She's excited. She loves you so much. It's hilarious how much she freaks out. And then she'll lay on her back waiting for me to keep belling her, but I don't wanna keep doing it because I'm pressing on her stomach. So then she'll pee more. That brings me to this question.

Yes, I lick it off, or no, what is that? Yeah, do you eat it? I drink it, no, no. So I'm dating a vegetarian. Oh no, what is, well what? See, now she's bringing up, you know. You should not eat meat. Yeah, you're such an animal lover.

You know what I mean? Why can't you apply the same thing with dogs and cats to the cows and chickens, right? No, stop. No, well I know- And she makes complete sense to me. Because whenever I'm eating meat, you go in denial. You think it's just that.

No. You know that it's a part of a living thing, right? So it's like- But what did it look like when it was alive? Right. Bring up a chicken. I mean. No, I'm serious, this is my point.

Yeah. No. I got no problem eating that. Yeah. I got zero problem. Yeah, okay, the chicken, yeah. Chicken, okay fine, just eat chicken and fish. Right, right, right.

But then what about? Cows? Cow. I mean, look, I get the argument for cows. You do? Yeah, cows are cute. But chickens. They're so cute. Look at that cow, dude.

Oh my God, it's so cute. Imagine how good that thing tastes. I know. Pig, what about pig? We shouldn't be eating pigs at all because they're so fucking bad for you. I mean, so shitty for you. Right, so pig, oh my God, look at that pig.

And also, you and I are Muslim, we shouldn't be eating. We are, I'm so Muslim. Well, and also they're very smart, right? Aren't pigs really intelligent? Yeah, they are. I could stop eating pigs and beef, I could, but chicken, it's like, fuck that dumb bird. I'm eating that stupid fucking thing.

But it still have feelings. The chicken? Yeah. I doubt it. You ever talk to one? I know. They have no idea. It has to have feelings.

It has to have nerves. I don't know. Look at that guy. Dude. No, that's a chick, not a chicken. Oh, so you wouldn't eat her. I won't eat the baby. Cute.

I'll eat the adults. Right. Yeah, I'll fuck up an adult. I'm not eating a baby. Can we do like an age thing? Yeah, what's the- How long do chickens live for, generally? Let's guess before you do.

Oh yeah, yeah. I would say three, four years. No, I would say 12. They last a long time? I don't know, 12 years. Five to 10. Okay, we're both wrong. Split the difference.

Yeah, yeah. So at age eight. Yeah, they're edible by eight, midlife. Midlife, you know what I mean? What do you think? I'm eating it at midlife. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is it as good though? No. Well, you think at the younger it's better.

Gross, fancy, fucking pervert. It's disgusting. Gross to even say anything. Yeah, yeah. But have you ever thought about that or no? I've gone veg. Vegan to me is out of control for, I can't, but I've gone veg two times. I've tried this. I've done it for a month, a month or two stretch. But I've gone veg two times, I've tried this, I've done it for a month, a month or two stretch. And I didn't like the way I felt. I felt really tired.

So I probably needed supplemental protein that I wasn't getting. And I couldn't eat more fucking beans. I just couldn't do it. So I've tried it. I think the thing I could get away with is pescatarian. I could get away with just fish. Because fish I love.

If I can eat shit from the sea. It's okay to eat fish, because they don't have any feeling. It's okay to eat fish. That song? Because they don't have, no that's a song? Yeah Nirvana.

What song is that? Something in the way. It's okay to eat fish, because they don't have any feeling. Is that the line? Yeah, it's okay to eat fish cause they don't have any feeling, is that the line? Yeah, it's okay to eat fish cause they don't have any feeling. Yeah. You know, they probably do.

That's what I'm saying. I think Kurt Cobain was being sarcastic. Okay, what about a plant? They don't have feeling. How do you know that? Cause they're just like, you know what I mean? But they have vibrations. Oh yeah.

Or like mushrooms, they're connected, they communicate. Correct. That's what I'm saying. fungi, oh my God, let's just, we're gonna die. What should we eat? Soy. Does soy have feelings? Yeah, soy's a bean, it's a plant.

They're all connected. Fuck, dude. Let's just drink water. Right. Does hydrogen have feelings? Yeah. So are you thinking about it? Is that why?

There's a- No, it's a philosophical thought that comes up. I, um, as time goes on, it becomes harder to do. There's a certain level of hypocrisy that we're able to just bank and accept and you have to judge your hypocrisy levels. Yeah. Like your phone, this is made by fucking slave kids. Why are you cool with this? I know. Why'd you even say that, man? You bring it up, dude. This is just, this is a testament to you got to pick what you're okay with. So if you're okay with consuming animals sometimes, that's true. You got to pick or there can be just a completely different revelation and revolution in our minds. And then we just stop all of it.

Well, go veg then, I want you to try it. Try it for a- Just go to the earth and we just mine our own food, make our own food, you know what I mean? No electricity, we just go back to the old days. Yeah, it's just, yeah, who's gonna stitch your lip when you fall out of a bunk bed? Yeah, let's see, yeah, yeah, yeah, right.

I need antibiotics. You need it, yeah, you need to be, we need future. I just, yeah. I know it's hard. Well, it, yeah, you need to be, we need future. I just, yeah. I know it's hard. Well, what, are you getting pressure to switch? No, I'm not getting pressure, but it's like interesting. Like we went to a Hope. Yeah.

And you've been there? No, but I've seen it a million times. Yeah, you know who told me about it was the Englishman. What's his name? Talk show host. Oh, James Corden? Yeah, Corden told me. You've got to go to Hope.

Yeah, you got to go to Hope. When he produced the show I was on, and we were talking about my area where I lived, Corden told me. You've gotta go to Hope. Yeah, you gotta go to Hope. When he produced the show I was on, and we were talking about my area where I lived, and he was like, you gotta go to Hope. Is he vegetarian? I think so. But when I go there, I'm always going, oh, this is good. Yeah.

It's good food. Yeah, of course it is, yeah. This is lying to yourself for a girl. I'm worried. Well, he's not gonna keep eating meat. Yeah. You gonna give up bulgogi, bestia? Oh, shit, why'd you say that, son?

I know what gets you horny. I love bulgogi, dog. You gonna give that up? You gonna give up Korean barbecue? That's like your wettest adventure. Shit, dick, brah. Yeah, you're right, man. Can't.

I can't do it. No. Yeah, I'm just a hypocrite. You're allowed to. We're hypocrites. No, it's not. We're lying. We live in a lie. But it's not hypocritical to eat meat. It's hypocritical to tell other people not to eat meat and then you do it. Or you don't do that.

Right. You don't say shit to other people. People make their choices. Yeah. When you're vegetarian, I go, enjoy. Wonderful. No judgment. But they don't do it back.

Well, they judge us. They don't judge us. They judge us. They judge us. They judge us. They judge us. They judge us. They judge us. They judge us. You don't say shit to other people and people make their choices. Yeah, when you know when you're vegetarian I go enjoy wonderful No judge, but they don't do it back. Well, they judge us. They look at us and they go

Vegetarians to meat eaters are the way that San Francisco is to Los Angeles sometimes where they're late. I get it But they're like LA. Oh, yeah, and we're all like I love San Francisco and they're like, oh really and also I have my car window in place Yeah, you're I mean nobody's not smashed man. And also I have my car window in place. Yeah. You know what I mean? That's not smashed in. Nobody's pooping in my car right now. Yeah. I'm going up there this weekend.

Oh, you're doing cobs? Yeah, I'm so excited. I love San Francisco. Yeah, me too. I have so much fun every time I go up there. We never did, we never did our show in San Francisco, huh? Did we not? No, Bad Friends never went to San Francisco. No, well then we should do it. Let's just do one off. Let's do in San Francisco, huh? Did we not? No, Bad Friends never went to San Francisco.

No, well then we should do it. Let's just do one off. Let's do one San Francisco one. I'm so down. Let's do it. Because I love it up there. That'd be fun. What's this new feeling?

Can I tell you something before we do move? I will say this. Yeah. Had a great time in Scotland. Oh yeah, tell me about your adventures. It was amazing. I had a wonderful time. People are great.

The food is, and I mean this with every ounce of my heart, the worst food I've ever had in my life. It was unfucking real. You could be a vegetarian there because you can't fucking eat anything. Let me guess, a lot of potatoes? No, dude, it's just, okay. When you get meat, and somebody told me,

I don't know if this is true, but because of mad cow disease, maybe swept through there years ago and that was a popularity, they cook meat to, it's not even fucking, it's burnt to a place where you're like, is this a character from a Batman movie? What the fuck am I eating?

What are you talking about? No, it looks all, it looks like Two-Faces. Oh, all right, right, right. It looks like the- It looks like- Two-Faces face. Did you ever see this? So you know that new Matt Reeves, Batman?

Yeah. With, okay. This is amazing. So they cut out a Joker scene. Did you know that? No. Right? Where, what's his Barry Kogan?

Barry Keegan or Kogan. Kogan, yeah, yeah, what's his Barry Kogan Barry Keegan the Kogan. Yeah. Yeah, it's fucking amazing and That and the Joker's face in it looks like the meat from Scotland. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah so try to Google what he looks like in the um, The deleted scene. Yeah, they're at the end go toward the end of this scene Right while he's leaving, while he's leaving. Right there, right there, right there.

That's perfect. Is that what the meat looks like? 100%, that's the meat in Scotland. That's the meat. That's the meat in Scotland. That's the meat in Scotland. When you go home, watch that scene. And that looks a little bit more tender

than the meat in Scotland. Oh, really? But I think it was just, the food was just fucking unbearable. We had fish and chips like seven times. And so, okay. But it must be We had fish and chips like seven times. And so, okay. But it must be the best fish and chips you've ever had. No, of course not.

I love fish and chips. I know, but we do it, we do, there's- Long John. Get it anywhere. All right. And then they had haggis, I had haggis for the first time. What is it? Gonna eat haggis. What's haggis? Eat your haggis.

It's fucking gross. It actually tastes good, but it's fucking gross. It's ground up organs, go up to the description. I think it's organ meat ground up and spiced and flavored. Zoom in there. It's a savory pudding containing sheep's pluck minced with chopped onion oatmeal. Yeah, it's like minced meat.

Yuck! Encased in the animal stomach, artificial, yeah. Haggis. There's no nobu there? Yeah, yeah. So it was the first thing I said when we landed in Edinburgh. I said, where's nobu? Because when I was in Hungary, Budapest, every night I ate the nobu.

You just knew you were going to get a good meal. The meals were just weird and it just was not what I wanted. Couldn't get a good old fashioned blank. We'll go to France next time. No, that's good. Where's the good European cities to get food? France? All of them.

Italy? London. Spain, London. Everywhere. Right. Maybe not Eastern European, you know? No, I'd love some, are you kidding me? I love some,

what am I thinking of? I have no idea what you're saying. Well, I went to Czech Republic, Prague. Prague had great food. You went to Prague? Yeah. Wow. Yeah, it's delicious. Yeah.

Why do you think the women over there are so beautiful? The Eastern European women are the prettiest women on the planet. I know. Aren't they? Oh yeah. For some reason, they're like the prettiest women on the planet.

Yeah, you can tell their daughters when they're American, then they'll be hot. Oh. Because when they come over here, it's like there's something off. Whenever there's a hot girl on Hinge and it says Ukraine, it's like, okay, that doesn't count. You don't support Ukraine?

No, I just not gonna support. Carl, what the fuck are you talking about right now? Come on, Carl. Right now, they're hot. Explain yourself. When you have a girl, she's super hot, and then you see, oh, she's not American, it's a whole thing with her.

Why, what is that? What is it? It's like- Because she has PTSD from the war? No, it's like, don't think you're cool. Like, you need the American mind. Pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft. That.

That's why? You need the American mind. You need to be validated by the American mind. That affects the hotness. Yeah, only like Italy or Spain, but if it's like Bulgaria or something, it's like I'm not fucking with that. It could be like a sex trafficking thing too. You never know. Could it be?

Yeah. What the fuck are you talking about? What if it's just a girl from there that's coming here to... Which website? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, what are you... yeah. Yeah, you keep showing me this. Oh, like you don't know.

What's her name? What's her name? Me. Yeah. Dugan. Degan. Degan. What is it? Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da- showing me this I like you don't know what's her name what's your name yeah Dugan Degan Degan what is it dad just tell me dad don't get Delaney Delaney Delaney Delaney Delaney I'll remember that now because there was an old bar on Santa Monica Boulevard called Delaney's and I think it's closed look over that's closed sorry about that now you're bad I'm in bad all day I I'm so tired. I'm still on jet lag. I'm so fucked up still.

Where's my pill, dude? Rhino. Yeah, get him his Rhino pill. Do you not want to be on camera handing him? Yeah, just throw it on the table here. No, no, keep the change. Yeah, you keep the change. Yeah, you keep the change.

That's how it goes. You keep the change. That's how it works. That's how it works, Delaney. Delaney, that's how it works. That's how it works. You keep the change. She kept it?

Oh, fired. She didn't know. Just keep it. We'll take it and let's fired. She didn't know. Just keep it. We'll take it and let's roll. Okay, hold on. Let's pixelate that. Mm-hmm. Don't do that.

Quickly. Thank you for being a bad friend. Yeah, ooh, yeah, ooh, yeah