Bad Friends - Soy Boys, Cuck & High-T

Episode Date: June 20, 2022

Get Tickets To Our First Live Stream: https://www.momenthouse.com/badfriends Thank you to our Sponsors: http://shipstation.com code: BADFRIENDS & https://betterhelp.com/badfriends & https:/harrys.com/badfriends   0:00 Live Stream Announcement  0:50 Jimmy The Kid & Steve McCoy 5:33 Soy Boys 8:50 The Real Metaphor inside Star Wars 11:20 Björk Attacks a Journalist  17:20 Steve Burns & The Last Supper 23:58 Bobby Lee's Ten Commandments  27:40 Celebrating Pride Month Around the World 31:33 Aloha from Hawaii 42:21 Erik Griffin's Weeding 52:11 What If Bobby Was in a Coma? 59:26 New York Giant Rats 1:1:27 Surviving A Plane Crash, Bobby Lee Style More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger:  https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino  Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Rudy Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendrudy More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/   Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod   Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom  Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Andrés Rosende & Pete Forthun Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Bonjour No, we're in Camarillo. We're in Camarillo at Eric Griffin's wedding. Look at how gorgeous this is. It's so beautiful. Beautiful. Yeah, this is the same fence they used in the show Oz. This is the fence actually at the border. This is the border fence. Yeah, dude. Trump won. Funnier joke. Funnier joke. Hey, come see us live on the internet, momenthouse.com.com. Bad friends. What's the date we're doing the live show? June 28th. June 28th. Bad friends live. Everyone's gonna be there. Huge surprises. Please come. Someone might get something done to them. Momenthouse.com slash bad friends. June 28th. Sign up now. Say goodbye, Bob. Bye. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? Why, dude? I'm an Asian dude. You two are disgusting.

Well, you two are something. We're bad friends. First of all, most importantly, Rudy's in the Philippines. Doc is not here. Andres is filling in, which is great. We have the real bean up top. The real McCoy. The real McCoy. The real taco stand. What does McCoy mean? Huh? When they say the real McCoy, what does it mean? They're talking about Steve McCoy. Love him. Yeah. Do you know Steve McCoy? Yeah. One of the fastest shooters in the west. Shooters in the west. I have no idea what it means. Jimmy the Kid. Oh, Jimmy the Kid. Yeah, it was Jimmy the Kid and Tanti. Bob the Builder. Jimmy the Kid. Yeah. What is McCoy? It's from the half fields of McCoys. I know who that is. Do you know the half fields of McCoys? A feuding family in the south. Have you heard of these people?

Oh, no. They were racist. No, they were. Yeah, they were fighting over who? My kind of people. Who owned the most black people is what they were fighting over. Really? Yeah. If I was a slave owner, I would probably only, just if I was, I would never do it because it's not, it goes against my ethics. But here's the problem. I'd have only three. That's my lucky number. Yeah. And they would be all in-house. But what color would they be? Asian. Right. But not, but not Korean. Japanese? No. Couple of the Chinese slaves. Yeah. Yeah. They work hard. The problem is with that word, people have a connotation that think it's automatically going to be about black people. You want Asian slaves. And they're not going to do whatever they did. I saw the grutes. Well, you're not going to beat your Asian slaves?

No, I'm not going to do any of that. You're not going to physically harm your Asian slaves? I'm going to taunt them. With what? With just threats, but I would never, you know, do the dishes or else you're going to be out there with Andrew slaves. That's right. Yeah, because your, your friends are out there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know who my slaves are? What? Hot white guys. Really hot. Can I change mine? Can I change mine? No. I want to change mine. You already picked. You can't go back, dude. Dude, can I have, all right. No. Hot white girls. No, you kid. That's just copying me. Hot Asian girls. Fine. I can have hot Asian girls. Outside. Yeah. They live outside. They live outside. No, they wear no bras. Oh, boobs out.

But no, t-shirts. Oh, because you know what I love? I want them to be working and doing the cotton stuff. Do they do that? Is this, I don't know. I don't know what they do, but for me would be rice. Because I don't eat cotton. Yeah. I don't need it. I don't need, I don't, no need for cotton. Yeah. Right. But so rice, but I like it when like, when, you know, like in music videos, when, when the shirt, they're not wearing bras and the shirt gets wet. Oh, right. And you see the boobs. Yeah. So they'll be doing the, I don't know how you make rice with pans. Sure, you do. Yeah. Yeah. So they pan with the, you know, the pan, the rice, right? Yeah. And they're just all, they're juggies are, you know, they have the fuck, the fucking little nip nip nip nip nip.

Yeah. The, the chunky nipples. I want my high guy, my, my hot white slaves, my hot white men slaves are going to be harvesting soy, tofu, obviously, because that's what they eat. And I make them, I make them. Oh yeah. I'll go, I see what they're, I see what you're saying. They're what's Hollywood slave. Yeah, exactly. Oh, I didn't, I didn't, because I, when you said hot white guys, I didn't think gay, but I guess they are. I didn't think gay. Oh, they're not. They can be whatever they want to be. That's true. In our day and age, anyone can be whatever they want to be. We let our slaves be whatever they want to be. Yeah, yeah. My Asian slaves, the one women out there, if they want to rub their little tacos, they can rub tacos to make a little fire out there because

they're going to be sleeping outside. They need a fire. You're going to make them fire? Well, they have to rub the, I don't know, however they make the fire, but they're sleeping outside. I know how I've organized my hot male, white male slaves. They all sleep in one sleeping bag, all of them. Oh, cool. Can I do that with mine? No, you can't keep copying me. I want to do that with mine. You know what? And I zip them in every single night. Oh. And I kiss them each as I go to bed. Yeah. Peas in a pod. Peas in a pod. Yeah, that's a really cool one. Yeah, my little soy boys, that's what I call them. Soy boys? Soy boys. And I ring a bell. And you know what? I'm wearing nothing but a gun holster. Yeah. Okay. Oh, that's good. Yeah. I'm just wearing a gun holster.

There's no gun in it, though. It's just, it's a squirt. It's a squirt gun. Yeah. Okay. Can I have a squirt gun? And I spray them with the soy boys. Can I have a squirt gun? Yeah, you can have a squirt gun. I'm going to tell you what my situation is though. All right. So I'm going to have a bunk bed. Uh-huh. And the girls can sleep inside. They're going to sleep inside. Now, I figured out that they're going to sleep outside. Okay. But what I'm going to do is, in the mattresses, I'm going to cut out holes for their bums. Oh. Right. So I'm on the bottom bank. They're on bunk and then the top bunk, right? They can poop on you. That's true. But it doesn't matter. That's worth it for the squirt guns. Oh, I thought you wanted them to poop on you. I thought that

was the whole point of them. Maybe. Maybe. Yeah, yeah. But I'll, you know, I'll play a little game that night to see if I can squirt in the butthole, the hole itself. And a whole night. That'd be cool, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, look at it. Soy boy is what I call my boys. Soy boy is a perturbative term that sometimes used online communities describe men lacking, masculine kids. Not my boys. My soy boys are flipping this terminology. I'm going to have buff, hot, white soy boys. They wouldn't be soy boys then. What do you mean? Read the definition of soy boy again. I'm sorry. Go back. I'm sorry. Go back. Give me the definition. Read it out, because I can't read it. Soy boy. Yeah, read it. Is a pejorative term sometimes used in online

communities to describe men lacking masculine characteristics. The term bears many similarities and has been compared to the slang terms. Cuck and low T. By the way, that's those guys. Cuck and low T. Cuck and low T. Why am I a cuck? No, no, no. Who's cuck and who's low T? No, Pete's cuck. You're low T. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, actually, you're high T. Yeah. Is low T a low testosterone? Correct. Thank you. If you have a high T, that's when you start losing a lot of hair. So that's why he's more manly than all of us in this room. That's amazing. If you have high T. So low T, actually, that's your rap names now is low T and cuck. Low T and cuck. And right over here is soy boy. For sure. Soy boy, low T and cuck.

Can I tell you something that... Put it on a shirt. Can I tell you something that happened to me recently? That's a miracle. Yeah. So, you know, when I was doing my relapse and the drinking, you know, the drugs I was doing, remember I was... Yeah, I was there. I was a part of it. You were a part of it. Yeah, right. But I don't know if I told you this, but when I was jerking off, frequently I would jerk off and nothing would come out. The dust? Not even dust. No, it wasn't not even dust. No, it's not. It's not a... Can you imagine? It's not a Western...

He's not like a miner. You know, he's... No, it would go... Yeah, and nothing would come out. A bubble maybe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And lately, dude, bro... You've been shooting. Bro, I can make a fucking... I can make butter. No, I could literally make churn some shit. Did you have retrograde ejaculation? That occurs when semen enters the bladder instead of emerging through the penis during orgasm. You still reach sexual climax. You might ejaculate very little or no semen. That's you. You had retrograde ejaculation. I don't know if that was... You know when like a hippie chick is like, Mercury's in retrograde.

You had retrograde ejaculation. Yeah, my dick was in retrograde. Your dick was in retrograde. Yeah. And now it's not. Now you're in... Now you're in full moon... But it's like so much now. What are you doing with it? I don't know, man. You're saving it? I haven't been saving it. I know you have. Yeah, but then it dries quick. Yeah, it's supposed to do it. It dries really quick. Let me ask you something. When they dry quick, right, does the sperm... They're dead. No. Oh, so they're just... You know, they're like...

Freeze tag. Oh, no, they're doing improv. Yeah. They're doing improv. And then when they get tagged into a scene... Oh, they're doing improv. Yeah. I thought it was more like, you know, prehistoric insects. Uh-huh. Like, could I revive them later? 100%. All right. I just need the technology that Jurassic Park has. That's right. 15 to 30 minutes outside your body sperm can live. 15 to 30 minutes. That's insane. Have you ever heard these stories of like... Look this up.

There was a chick that, like, saved a condom from a guy... Yeah. And then impregnated herself with it afterwards. Like, he threw it in the trash can. He thought nothing of it. She went and grabbed it, impregnated herself in the fucking bathroom. And it worked. So, basically, sperm... A woman who impregnated herself with stolen semen from billionaire Wynne's child support family. Oh, my God. This woman's a fucking genius, by the way. Genius.

So, basically, sperm is like Princess Leia in that one Star Wars movie. Go on. Remember, she floated out into the gravity. And for like 30 minutes, it came back. That's right. That's what sperm is like. Exactly what sperm is. Princess Leia is sperm. And vice versa. And by the way, that was what the whole film was about. I didn't know. That was the metaphor.

You know, he's like, you are my father. Yeah. That's where you're my daddy started. That's where daddy started as like a sex term. Yeah. From Star Wars. That's... Look, there he is. Sperm. Sperm in film, frozen. Sperm in film. Welcome back to Sperm in film. Yeah, yeah.

Sperm in film. I've never seen... You've never seen a com shot in a real movie, have you? Have you? I don't think that... No? Oh, wait, no. I guess Adam Driver did it. Adam Driver did it in the TV show Girls? Yeah, like on season two. He actually ejaculated. Yeah, they show the ejaculate as well.

Show me. Wow. Yeah, yeah. Well, I want to see. No, I know a movie. There's something about Mary and Mary, but it was in the hair. Staven admitted that was all fake. It wasn't real. This is supposed to be real. You're Carlos. You're saying this is real.

It's not as real come, of course. Boo. That's boo. Boo. That's called porn. We thought it was real. Oh, no. Adam Driver's com is it. What about that? What about...

What about the movie that Shia LaBeouf did, where they had to have like real sex with other actors? Do you know what I'm talking about? No. There was this experimental filmmaker. Do you know what I'm talking about? And he... Yeah.

They did a couple of those movies called Dogma. And it was... They had real sex. Movies in the 95, 96 where they have real sex. The idiots, Lars von Trier movies. Yeah, it's the same directors called Nymphomania. Yes. Yes. Yes. Lars...

Lars von Trier. Yes. Oh, I love Lars von Trier. And they had real sex on camera. Yeah. What was that Lars von Trier movie where it was... What was it called? Bjork was in it.

Dancing in the dark. In the dark. Dancing in the dark. Did you see that fucking movie? No. Oh, my God. Anything. You got to watch that movie. Did you see that movie, guys?

Dancing in the dark? I did too. That movie made me cry so fucking hard. Anyway. That... By the way, Bruce Springsteen comes up, obviously. Look at Bjork. What a cool specimen.

Dancer in the dark. Dancer in the dark. Yeah, that was a really good movie. But that was a Lars von Trier, right? Yeah. Remember how man people got at Bjork? Like, she's always somebody that was like, fuck the system.

I love that. Do you remember when she attacked that woman at the airport? I loved it. That's my favorite attack. That's my favorite celebrity attack of all time. She tried to rip her hair out. I thought that was awesome. It was the best.

Like, she went for the hair. That's dope. And they tried to pretend like she was in the wrong. It's like, dude, that one had a camera in her face. You should be allowed to physically assault paparazzi. They're in your face. I don't think it was paparazzi. Oh, I thought it was.

Can we see that again? That's why I won my favorite celebrity attack. Bangkok for the pop star to lose that Icelandic cool. Hell yeah. Fuck yeah. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Fuck yeah. Welcome to Bangkok.

Welcome to Bangkok. No, no, no. Fuck yeah. Oh, fuck no. Dude, that's rock and roll. Fuck, no, no, no. That's fucking rock and roll. Fuck no, dude.

Welcome to Bangkok. Welcome to Bangkok. That's not, that's not, I thought it was like a stalker. First of all, why is an English speaking woman welcoming to Bangkok? Give me a local welcome to Bangkok. Okay. How about this?

All right. I'm going to get off the plane, right? You tell me the welcome to Bangkok that should have occurred. Okay. Let's do it the other way. Oh, what do you mean? You do it. Yeah.

You say it. Say what? Welcome to Bangkok. But in a, that way or in, in a non-intrusive way. Authentic. Okay. Okay. With my hands on my head.

Is it, where's the taxi? What's going on? Welcome to Bangkok. Oh, thank you. See? Thank you. Yeah. Exactly.

Yeah. Some white lady is like, welcome to Bangkok. So, I'll do that. I'm ripping her hair out. There's my little taxi. Welcome to Bangkok. Fuck it. Oh, I see, I see, I see, I see.

I see, I see now. Immediately. Sorry, my bad. I see now. Some fucking white lady. Let's see it. Keep going. Justifying.

Let's see her. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Yes. Dude. Dude, so rock and roll. That's so fucking rock and roll.

It just feels not good. It feels awesome. What? It feels awesome. That's Bjork. That's literally punk rock. I don't think it is. Oh, that's her.

Oh, no, it's Julie Kaufman. I just have some bruises. I have a tough head, you know. No, I'm nothing. I'm okay. She's hot. Yeah, she was hot. I wouldn't have done that.

Maybe she attacked her because she was hot. Welcome to Bangkok. You know what I would have done? Go on. What? Go on. High five. Yeah, high five.

High five. So it looked like a white lady in the video. It was not. Yeah, it was Ty. That's Ty. Julie Kaufman. Her last name is Kaufman. Oh, she murdered you.

She's Jewish. She murdered you. She's Jewish. She's half Ty. Speaking of wonderful Asian ladies that definitely have my approval. What? Can I show you a video of someone

that I voted for you? Did you vote yesterday? Oh, yeah. No, you didn't. Oh, yeah. No, you fucking. Caruso, dude. Rick Caruso won.

You didn't vote for him. I did. I voted for Rick Caruso. You didn't fucking vote yesterday. I did, man. Where? I did. I went on Beechwood where my old,

because my registration still had on the Beechwood. When you stumble, I know you're lying. No, that's me. Which I, on Beechwood. No, when I get accused of lying. And you lie? No. When I get accused of lying, I start stumbling.

Beechwood. When I'm honest, when I'm lying, I'm very precise because I plan it. At the elementary school? Yeah, at the elementary school across the street from my old. That wasn't a polling place because I looked. It 100% is.

I was just there, dude. I got the fucking sticker. It's at home. Who did you go with? By myself. Dude, I vote every fucking time, dude. You went alone yesterday and voted. Yes, I did.

Look me in the face and say you swore on our friendship. I swore on our friendship. Look me in the face the whole time. Say I voted yesterday, I swore on our friendship. I didn't. I didn't vote. Signs of lying. It was yesterday.

Being vague offering. It was yesterday. It was yesterday. Yeah, man. You were supposed to vote. Where could we so on? You were supposed to fucking vote, dude. I only vote for the main event.

What the fuck are you talking about? You went through what? UFC. I don't watch the other prelims. Show him the video of the woman that got my vote yesterday. This woman is fucking incredible. Go up. Where is it?

It's at the top, right? There it is. This one's pretty good. Oh, this is Dr. Sarasota. Hi, my name is Dr. Sarayu. I am a candidate US senator. I'm a pastor and educator and entrepreneur and a business owner and immigrant from Seoul, Korea.

My dreams always supporting business is educators, principal of university. I always dedicate my life until today as educators. As well as I'm an immigrant from Seoul, Korea. I know the immigration torture. They're moving the camera for some reason. So now, I want to really fight for those businesses. I wish I would have voted for her.

First of all, let me tell you something. What? I'm not making fun of this woman. I love immigrants who come here and succeed. I'm serious. And Dr. Liu is a fucking doctor who's from Seoul, Korea, who came to this country and loves America and is trying to change the American system.

I'm for immigrants that come here and win. She shouldn't go. I want her in the fucking... You know why she can't go? Why? Mitch McConnell. He loves that shit. Mitch McConnell, the turtle, loves Asian olds.

He's like, oh, Korean lady. Get over there. I might have nibble on your little Korean legs. I mean, I got money at home. Yeah, I collect Koreans, you know? Well, I voted for her because she is so dope. Look, invited by San Bernardino County Endorsement Meeting. Come on.

Why did God call me to run for office for U.S. Senator? Let's put Dr. Sarah Sun Liu Liu in the fucking Senate. Did she win? She did not. She did not. She's dope. Look at her. Let me ask you something.

Mitch McConnell's face looks like he's coming. What face does he make when he is coming? He looks good when he comes. Oh, so he's like... He talks like that. And then when he comes, he's like, hello. Hello. He's debonair.

As soon as he nods. Then it goes back to creepy again. Yeah. Anyway, I cast my vote. I cast my vote for Sarah Sun Liu. And sorry. Did you really vote? 100%.

I voted. No, you didn't. I voted. I endorsed her. Where'd you vote yesterday? From the comfort of my couch. Exactly. So when Steve Byrne calls me and Steve Byrne goes,

you want to go to Israel? I go, why? Because it's free. They'll fly you out. Come on. You didn't do birthright and pretended you were Jewish. No, no, no. Can you imagine?

Yeah, I didn't do that. No, but he said, no, the Israeli government is flying out like celebrities for free out there to do a tour for free. And it's on the house. They fly your first class the whole thing. Wow. And I go, oh, who's going?

He goes, it's going to be me. You're going to be my friend. It's going to be me, you, George Lopez, Jamie Chung, Brian Greenberg, her husband. I love you. I love them. I love Brian, right? And I go, it's free?

They go, yeah, it's not free. Because when you land there, they go, you have to every day tweet positive things about Israel. Yeah. Right? Yeah. And I just felt so uneasy, uneasy about it. Yeah, but couldn't you just go, why do you,

because you have because you have a lot of Palestinian friends? Yeah. I mean, I know some, you know what I mean? I don't know much about it. I just know that they're in conflict. And it's just like, but I did, I did what they said, but it's like the fucking wrath I got. Was insane.

Insane. What was some of the stuff you tweeted? Jews, Jews good, Palestinians bad. Yeah. Is that what you tweeted? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jew number one. Build the wall higher.

What were you like? No, it was just basically, you know, oh, Palestinians, no, Israel's a beautiful country. Yeah, that's probably true. That's true though. It is true, but then it's like, I had to tag the government in it or whatever. Oh, that's crazy.

The Israeli government? Yeah. Oh, fuck, that's weird as shit. Yeah. And it was just like every day it was just nonstop. You were cucking for the Israeli government. Yeah, but I wish I hadn't gone really, but I was there. Did you float in the Dead Sea?

Oh, yeah. That's tight. That's tight. That's worth the tweets. No. Dude, but I got in trouble. Can I tell you how I got in trouble? So, so they, they, every day they would go to,

you take you on a tour, right? Yeah. And I was, you know, I smoked. Back then, right? I smoked back then, right? Yeah. Don't do that when I'm doing stories. Thank you.

New computer in my bad. All right. It's okay. So I was smoking back then, right? So one day I didn't know where we're going. They're like, we're going to go on. And I was tired at that point, like I had another place. All right.

So I'm smoking a cigarette inside this room because there was no windows or whatever. Yeah. And I'm smoking and they go, please don't smoke in here. I go, why? They go, this is where the 12th supper, the supper was, the last supper was. Well, I was in the room where the last supper was.

Well, they didn't smoke after they had a good meal. That's true, right? You told me Jesus didn't fucking light up after a good meal. Or they probably banged. Yeah, they fucking 12 man bang like trains. You think they didn't fuck on that table? They smoked. They did.

They fucked. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why they were on the same side of the table. Yeah. They were fucking. How do they know that that's the room? That's why I asked. How do you know this is the room?

Bullshit. They don't know. They don't know shit. But can I tell you something funny that happened? So I left, I almost died laughing because they have the slab where I guess Jesus laid and died or whatever. What do you mean? Like, it's like this slab, like a concrete.

Didn't he die on the cross? He did. But after they put him down on this thing. They probably threw him down. They threw him down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sure they weren't like gentle. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Anyway, so I'm with Steve Byrne and we got to cut in line because that line was like nine hours long to get to that slab. Fuck. I'm like, is there any way we can cut when I'm smoking? Is there any way we can cut this line? Get old 50s mob, sir. Yeah.

Can we cut the line? Cut the line, right? So we get to the slab, right? Yeah. And I'm still smoking and I'm going, where the fuck is? Where the fuck is Steve Byrne? All right, right? And I look down and his hands are on the slab

and he's convulsing crying. Shut up. I swear to God. And I start laughing. I go, shit station. Hey, how do we get our merch out? What do we use? Ship station, baby.

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Make ship happen. Better help. Oh my God, you know during the pandemic, the only thing that helped me was better help because I got to do online therapy and it's really a great service. It is. Dude, I used to do in-person therapy

and I got to be honest with you. I didn't love going to an office. I don't like going somewhere and waiting and scheduling through traffic and all that stuff. It's so nice to do it from the comfort of your own house. And then life can be overwhelming and many people are burned out without even knowing it. Symptoms can include lack of motivation, irritability,

fatigue and more. We associate burnout with work. But that's not the only cause, Andrew. Any of our rules in life can lead us to feel burned out. Better help online therapy wants to remind you to prioritize yourself. Talking with someone can help you figure out what's causing stress in your life

and we are big proponents on this show of speaking to someone. We think it's a great idea. You should give it a try. Better help is customized online therapy that offers video phone and even live chat sessions with your therapist. So you don't have to see anyone on camera

if you don't want to. It's much more affordable than in-person therapy and it can be matched with a therapist in under 48 hours. Our listeners are going to get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash badfriends. That's better, h-e-l-p.com slash badfriends. I don't even know the full 10... Like, love thy neighbor, is that one?

Yeah, thou shalt not steal, thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, thou shalt not zoom in. Nope. Okay, no, no, no. Go back. You had it. Go back to the previous page.

You had it right there. Zoom in. Ten commandments right there. First one is left being my little selfish. You shall have no other gods before me. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven images, right? What does that mean? Only fans.

You can't do only fans. Only fans. They had it back then, okay. Thou shalt not name the Lord thy God in vain, take the Lord's name in vain. Oh, so if I say God damn it. God damn it. You just did it.

Yeah, it's a lot of fun. Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy. Sunday? I don't fucking know. Saturday. Is that the Sabbath? Is it Saturday? For the Jews, yeah.

Oh, but what about for Christians? This isn't for Jews. Yeah, yeah. This is Christian bullshit. No, but Moses came way before Jesus. So until Jesus comes in, everybody's a Jew. Do the new one, not the old one. Dude, don't do the old one.

Catholics believe in this one too. Catholics believe in this one. What's the new one though, man? Thou shalt not steal. Thou shalt not commit adultery. Thou shalt not kill. Honor your father and your mother. Unless you don't have one of the two.

Like your dad is dead. You can't honor him anymore. Yeah, I fucked that up. You fucked that up. Keeling's obviously an obvious one. I don't know. Yeah, me either. Keeling still in.

But it depends on what you do. Dude, you think stealing is always bad? Check it out. If you're starving. Yeah. And you steal food. Is that bad? I believe that a priest would say that is bad.

Fuck him. He fucks kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not the priest. That's what I'm just saying. That's true, that's true, that's true. You know, somebody put up a really clever post today on Twitter that I thought was incredible,

that some Senator, some Republican Senator, a woman was like, instead of sending your kids to something, why not send them to church? Instead of homeschooling them, maybe put them in church or something like that. Yeah. And someone tweeted back at her and it was like, the number of killings at a fucking school,

and they numbered the amount of kids that have died in school shootings, and they wrote the number of kids sexually assaulted by the Catholic Church in the past fucking 50 years, and it was 260,000. My God. 260,000. That's insane.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They keep moving those kids around. You think that thou shall not be homo would be one of the, because they make such a big deal out of it. Let me tell you something. The phrase that's in the Bible is,

thou shall not lay with another man. Yeah. They don't say you can't fuck them and kill them. Yeah. I'll never lay with another man, but I'll fuck one. After we have sex. I will fuck the shit out of one. After you and I have sex, we've never laid together.

We never laid. No, no, no. We just go on. We don't even say goodbye. No. I'll see you later. We don't even lock eyes. You shall not lie with a male as with a woman.

It is an abomination, chapter 18, verse 22. If a man lies with a male as a woman, both of them have committed an abomination. They shall surely be put to death. Their blood is upon them, chapter 20, verse 20. You know why this is? What? Because fucking, he got a little taste of a guy and was like,

this is bad. You know what I mean? All right. No, wrong, bad. That's what it is. Guilt, it's guilt. Guilt. That's the original sin.

Yeah. Is that he didn't accept who he really was. I've said this before that Jesus was gay. Jesus was gay. We want to save, because I know these are your jokes on your acts, so I want you to save them. So don't burn through them. Jesus was gay.

Don't burn through them. Was he gay? No, I'm dead serious. I look this up. They have a lot of proof that says that he might actually be gay. I know, but it's just like, you know. He's a bottom. He would be top.

He's the Lord. You think that. What? But he likes being dominated. Okay, can I ask you this? Because he's serving all day long. He wants to be served. Imagine a guy having sex with Jesus and he's on top.

I'd just be like, just, I just feel wrong. This is wrong. This feels wrong. And Jesus, it's so bad. You're so bad. And I come in his butthole and then wine comes out. That was how he turned. It was, it was jizz into wine.

Not water. Yeah. It lied to us. I can't believe you know so much about it. You're Christian, right? I mean, I was born in Spain, so. You have to be. You have to be Catholic, but it does that.

And by the way, it's Pride Month right now. Right. And ironically, who's the most homophobic? Yeah, for sure. Yeah. For sure. Spanish people, for sure. Which is ironic because you guys seem the most, hey.

Yay. That's elegant. But look at how he's sitting. You know, if Jesus was around. He's got his penis tucked in his butt right now. You know how Jesus healed lepers and stuff? What would you, I would ask, you know what? If I was around back then and he healed lepers and stuff,

I would just walk up to my god. Give me a black dick. When you, what would you ask for? What is that? Zoom in on that? Oh, it's just, I was seeing if gay marriage is legal in Spain. It's been legal since 2005. Wow.

Good for you guys. How about Mexico? Is gay marriage. I believe it is. Is it? Because you guys hate gay people. Mexicans are so. Not as much as Koreans watch Korea.

I'm, I'm kidding. Same sex marriage in Mexico. 2010. Legally recognized, yeah. Korea. Do Korea. I don't know about this one. Yeah, I don't think so.

I don't think so. I don't think so. Any idea. South Korea declines. Declines, recognized, same sex partners. Yeah. This is my problem though. This is my problem.

I'm being serious. You didn't have to Google. I already knew it. No, this is my problem. Here we are in the United States, and whites get the brunt of all this homophobic shit. Everybody I know that's not white is way more homophobic. That's true.

I'll say it and I fucking mean it. Yeah. Every Asian friend I have, their families are all crazy anti-gay. Oh, there are, there are some African countries that are, if you're gay, it's. They kill you. They kill you.

Yeah, they kill you. You know what I mean? So stop this shit. Because everyone I know is chill with gay people. But that's what I loved because when I like would fuck around with dudes when I was a kid. You go back to Korea, they'll kill you. No, but I would tell my parents.

Oh, just to make your dad fucking pissed. Just to make them angry. I set the dick yesterday, dad. If you could turn into a yellow Hulk. Hulk or Smash? I should. I should. Yeah.

Asian Hulk. We should have an Asian Hulk, by the way. Yeah. But he wouldn't be Korean. Why? Maybe Japanese. He would be Benedict Wong. Who's Benedict Wong?

He's in Doctor Strange. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he'll be Benedict. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You should be a superhero, by the way. Which one? Just your, I mean a new one. Wolverine.

You should be a new one. I would campaign for Wolverine. I'm saying you need to be a new superhero. There needs to be, Bobby Lee needs to be a little superhero. I got one. I don't want my power would be. What is it?

Everything, my butthole turns to adamantium steel. So nobody can get in. And nothing comes out. So you just fill up with poop. And like if I saw like Magneto or whatever. Uh-huh. Raggle. Fuck me.

And he's like, oh, that's a shot. Because my butthole, my ass would be nice and shiny. Beautifully shiny. Yeah. Yeah. And they would stick in and would just rip their dick off. And out of their hole. Pretty cool.

What's your power? What's my power? Yeah. If I was a superhero, my power would be to be able to switch races with a snap of a finger. That's a good one. I could switch. That's a good one.

I could switch on a dime. Boom. On a dime. I could switch and become another race. Can I, can my butthole switch races? Stop copying. I know. No, just not my body.

You do the body thing. I just want my butthole. Just your butthole? Just my butthole. Fine. I'll get good things. Fine. Thank you.

Thank you. I had a sore butthole. No, scratch that. You didn't really have a sore butthole. No, I had a sore butthole. My butt cheeks were sore because I was swimming all day in the fucking ocean in Hawaii and I got a little leg cramp and my ass got so tight and sore I couldn't get back

in the fucking canoe. I had the best time I've ever had in Hawaii. Yeah, I saw photos of that. This time was the best time I've ever had. I went swimming in the morning at 7 a.m. We went out and we canoeed out about a quarter mile out. And the ocean right there is about 30 or 40. We're on the big island.

About 30 or 40 feet deep, the guy said. And the guy we were with, he was like, I'm going to dive down with the gun, see if I can shoot mahi mahi. And I was like, what? And he's like, for sashimi. And I was like, holy shit. Wow.

He dives down and then he dives back up and goes, there's a shark. It's a white, they call him maybe white tail or something like that. It's whatever he, because he's like, it's the panda of the sea, whatever he was saying. The panda of the sea. That's what he said.

I'm not kidding. He goes, if they're soft, they're sensitive. And panda of the sea shark. Oh, that. No, right shark, right shark. I don't know what breed it was, but let me say this. Is that it? No, it's not what it looked like.

It was really thin, but that's cute as fuck. Looks like a dolphin with Down syndrome. A down, a down syndrome. He swims down there and he goes like this. Hey, there's a shark in the coral. I'm not making this up. There's 15 other people with me that can say that. He goes, I'm going to go down there

and I'm going to get him out of the cave. And I was like, what if he freaks out? And he's like, you freak out on me if anything. I won't be on you because it's again, there's 20 or 30 feet down. He dives down in the coral. This guy was impressive. He would sit for like two or three minutes

and hold his fucking breath on the bottom of the ocean, which is crazy. And he, he literally goes, puts his arm in the cave and then he goes like this to us, like this. To look, to look, to look. And sure enough, out comes this fucking shark. Swims right around his body. I'm not kidding.

And then goes right back in. He comes up and he was like, wasn't that cool? And I was like, no. Why? Get that, keep that fucking thing in the cave. We're in the middle of the ocean. It's the panda shark. Dude, we are fucking, we are two, three hundred yards,

three football fields away from the canoe. We've swam out and we're in the middle of the ocean. It's a panda shark. I know, but even pandas maybe like to eat, fuck, bite and kill. And I was like, are you made of bamboo? Yes. But it was fucking beautiful.

And then we saw, we went night swimming with Manta rays, which is one of the coolest things I think I've ever done in my life. They light up the bottom of the ocean and you can, I mean, you can see probably a radius of like 40 feet. And it's so fucking crazy. They put these lights on surfboards so the plankton get, you know, the photos that this is starts to make them

start to eat and you hear them clicking. Then these things show up and they do barrel, barrel roll dives. They come right up under your belly, Bobby. Yeah. And they flip over and then dive right back down. It was the fucking coolest thing I've ever done. It was so, the whole trip was,

it made me want to move to fucking Hawaii. But then I found out how much they hate whites there. And I was like, I'll just visit. You're a holly. They hate whites. They hate whites, yeah. Do you know what holly means? No.

I mean, ghost, ghost. Oh, really? Ghost, when they first saw whites, they thought, ghost. Oh, wow. Look at that fucking ghost. Yeah. And by the way, who's more ghostly than me? No one.

I'm not kidding when I say this. Yeah. One can of sunscreen every day. Went through one full can. You look canner, though. A full can of sunscreen. Like your forearms are can. A little.

I mean, this is a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Full can of sunscreen. Didn't burn. Very proud. Five days didn't burn. Had a wonderful fucking time. It would do.

Hawaii is, I learned what it means. I've been there. God. I learned what it means, dude. These pictures, I've never fucking been there. Ha. You know what ha means? What?

Hawaii. Do you know what it means? No. Ha is breath. Yeah. Huh? Why? Why or why is water?

Breath water. E. E. Yeah. Is light. Breath water. Water light. And the convergence of these three things that makes up the island.

Fucking hippie here, man. It's fucking. I gotta tell you something. You have crystals too, bitch. I got spiritual. I got spiritual as fuck while I was out there. The truly man over here, man. Fucking earth, water.

Don't disrespect the fucking. Fuck you, Howley. Don't disrespect. Fucking breath water. Don't disrespect, dude. Don't disrespect my culture and my fucking people, dawg. He goes to one trip. He's so annoying.

One trip, he's like breath of water. Light, fuck you. It was beautiful. Yeah, I've been there, bitch. God. Yeah, but you don't have the same experience. Yeah, you don't get out of the fucking hotel. You loser.

You don't do shit. You fucking sit on your dick in the hotel. Bro, you don't think that I've been out there with the sharks too? One time. I'll do everything one time. And after I do it one time, I've done it. I want to show you the video. Oh, I don't want to see it.

The guy. Oh, look at this. Can I send this to Pete? Well, Pete, I text it to you. I don't fucking see this shit, man. No, because you'll like it. You'll love this. It's like having a girlfriend.

It's like, I mean, check out my day. Fuck you. Anyway, go ahead. Okay. It's Kalilah. Kalilah, I love you. This guy was a huge bad friend fan. The fire, the fire spinner.

Yeah, yeah. And he came up to me afterwards and was like, I'm a massive fan of you guys. I fucking love you guys. And I was like, oh, thank you. And he went up there and he spun fucking fire. Like you've seen them do that shit at the luau. I have, yes.

And this guy. Explain it to me. Fucking asshole. I mean, Carlos, the fucking amateur over here. I mean, he's excited about the trip. He wants to get you included. Yeah, yeah. Thank you, Carlos.

What did you do in Hawaii, Carlos, with Bobby, when you guys went? No, I don't want to fucking know. How many, how many sharks did you guys see? Zero sharks. And it was the first time I took 100 milligram edible. With me. Yeah.

You introduced me to it. And then what did you guys do? I went to my room and just watched. Yeah, yeah. Cool, cool, cool vacation. Yeah. Fucking boring bitch. Here.

Yeah, but still wearing Hawaii doing it. Yeah, we had dinner. Yeah, different environments. Let's see the photos. No, no, it's over. You drowned my mood. Fucking drowned my mood. It's just, it's the same thing as, you know what I mean?

Like, you know, you have to endure that with your girlfriend, right? Like, check out my day. Look at the photos. I went to the dog park. Look at the photos, right? And you do it. And, you know, you're half interested,

but you have to be mindful and you have to do it, right? But from your friend, it just, come on, guy. Let's go, man. Look great, though. Do you win the golf tournament or? Celebrity golf tournament. Celebrity golf tournament. It was enjoyable.

I say it out there. I saw some of the pictures. Looks great with you and your white friends in the golf cart. Really good. Did you win? The hosted by my, it was hosted by a black guy, my white friends. But the photos I saw were with you, white friends. What photos?

You golfing and the golf tournament. Where? On your Instagram. Why are you looking at my Instagram? Because you're my friend. Get off my Instagram. I don't want you ever looking at my Instagram. Oh, no, no, no, no.

We're best friends. Fucking. Tell us about more white. More words that you learned. What does Aloha mean? We'd love to hear about that. A means sunlight. Low means low to the ground.

Abins, hello. Aloha, who gives a shit? Okay. Okay. Mahalo. What does that mean? Mah means ma literal. Ha means hello.

Like I said in Aloha, right? Yeah, yeah. O means who gives a shit fuck. Who gives a shit fuck? The shit fuck. So a shit fuck? S-H-M-B-C-K? Yeah, shit fuck, yeah.

Okay. Yeah. Am I not right, Carlos? You're on my side, right? Come on, Carlos. You're on my side. Dude, you're on my side. I understand.

Harry's. I love that package. Look at how cool this package is. Oh my God. Harry's is the high level. It's what Clooney probably uses. Maybe. Yeah, yeah.

This is Harry's Shave Gel. It comes in this beautiful little package that give you this great little box. You slide it out and there is your razor box. That's the starter kit. I've had it. Can we shave your back right now on Bad Friends? No.

Come on, baby. Come on. Let me foam you up. Yeah, I'm not Eric Griffin. Now listen. And it comes with this little traffic case, which I actually really like. You can clip it in this thing

when you're on the go to shave your fat shit. I'm going to tell you about the first time starter kit, okay? It includes a five blade cartridge, a weighted handle, foaming shave gel, and a travel cover to protect your blades on the go. A $13 value all for only $3. Dude, that's $3.

Come on. This is more than $3. No, that's $3, dude. Wow. That's pretty impressive. You get everything you need for a great shave and nothing but that. These other people are going to overcharge you

for gimmicks that you don't need. Harry's prioritizes simple quality craftsmanship at a fair price. You get everything you need right here in the box and it's not a rip off. And they're still going to offer you a no risk trial, which is impressive. If you don't like your shave, no worries.

It's on them. They're going to give you back your money, which is ridiculous. Dude, dude, dude, just go to harrys.com slash badfriends today to get your starter set for just $3. $3. Hey, man, new look, same incredible offer.

There's really never been a better time to give Harry's a try. That's harrys.com slash badfriends. Well, wherever, where would we go in Italy if you and I went? I would go out to probably, I'd probably go out to Capri, the island of Capri with you

and fucking leave you there. See, you know, it's so funny. Take you on the other side of the island. You got to get over whatever you're doing right now. This anger thing, it doesn't suit you. It's all I have. It's literally what I made of anger. I understand that.

It's my whole fucking thing. You tune me up and you're going to get it back. I didn't do anything. Yeah, really? You did a fucking five minute talking shit. You did a five minute, who gives a shit? No, people will give a shit. Okay, so keep going then.

No, you fucked it up. You care about my opinion. Yeah, you fucked it up. Your rhythm fucked it up. No, I didn't fuck it up. Yeah, you did. Yeah. You didn't yes and any of it.

You fucked it off. Yeah, yeah. I yes and all, you're bullshit. Well, let's talk about the panda shark again. That was interesting. How we wrapped around the fucking instructor and went back in and you're like, oh, well, I could reiterate all the everything you said.

Good, I'm glad you listen. Yeah, yeah. It's fucking fascinating. All right. Yeah. Fuck. I can't get that fucking time back. You need it back?

You need to get that time back? No, I loved it. No, we'll get it back. Now we hear it. We'll get it back. I love it. I want to hear it again. It's like, I want to see Top Gun again.

You want to go see it? I saw it already. Good. Yeah, yeah. Good. We were going to go. Who? You and I, remember?

Oh, that's right. Yeah. Thanks for waiting. Uh-huh. Are you going to fucking Eric's wedding? Yeah. I moved my flight to go to Eric Griffin's wedding. And I'm so happy that he's getting married

and I'm going to go. But here's what I don't like, right? When you go on the website, right? It has all those little things of what they want. Registry. The registry. I don't know what that is, right? You got to buy him a gift.

Not doing it. You got to buy him a gift. Where'd you buy them? I didn't buy it yet, but you have a year to do it. Oh, well, I'll do it in a year. Isn't that the standard as a year? Yeah. You have a year after the wedding to give a gift.

Traditionally, people do it within like a couple of months. That's an American thing. It's an American thing? What do the Spanners do? You do it on the day off or before. Well, fuck you guys. We have shit going on. I like the way Italians do it.

Like in the Mafia movies, where they just have a bag and envelopes of money. Money. Right. Yeah, that's the way you should do it. Well, you can give them money. So if I just give them like 500 bucks, that's good. Yeah, you can just give them.

Is that not enough? Not enough. No, I think that's enough. Like a thousand? I think you should give a thousand. So I'll just give them a thousand. I'm not doing the registry thing. Yeah, that's the one and the same.

Cash is just as good. Yeah, it's the same. A grand. But give it to them in once. That's of course. Just to be inconvenient. Yeah, give them stripper once. Yeah.

I'm going to buy something off the fucking thing. What are you going to buy? Whatever's on some bullshit. They probably want like pots and pans or glassware or shit. Some of it's like bracelets. I'm not going to buy no bracelet. Yeah, but the good thing is, then you can just buy one of those things

and then get it over with. I don't want to like go get cash out or write a check. Fuck it. They're like fucking $1,200 or something. Wait, is it really? Yeah. I'm going to buy the cheapest thing on there. That's what I try to do.

Sheets. I was looking for fucking paper towels. Like, you know what I mean? Soup. I think I'm going to buy them soup. I think soup was on there. A couple of cans of soup. I can't spam.

Yeah, two cans of spam. Two cans of spam. But there's two events I don't like going to. Weddings. One is weddings and funerals. Yeah. They're both like just. I love a good funeral.

Some, I'd rather go to a funeral actually than a wedding. I love a good funeral. You know what an Irish wake is? Do you know what that is? No. It's a party. We get fucking annihilated.

We literally drink the whole time when the body's in the room. It's funny as shit. Really? The body's in the casket. Yeah. Look at that. And we throw a fucking rager around the body.

Oh, I love that. We did that for my grandmother. We literally fucking part. You party. You fucking party. Like if I was there, could I party with your grandmother? 100%. Yeah.

And people like put weed in her mouth and stuff and fucking do rock star hands. Oh, do they really? No. Oh, that's cool. You don't touch the body. I can't touch the body? No.

You don't fucking touch the body. But you party around it. That's the whole thing. You're celebrating their life. Well, you know what I mean? Like you're celebrating. So people are ripping fucking heaters, smoke a little fucking herb,

chug some booze, shock on a beer. Do you cry a lot though? Not really because you're talking to people. You're catching up with people. The crying part is at the physical, the funeral service. But what if it's like your 12-year-old son got ran over?

You still party? Yeah. If he's Irish? Oh, really? Yeah. What ran him over? What? What ran him over?

I'm a mad truck. Sick. Yeah, yeah. But you would still party? Yeah. I don't think you would. Yeah, you'd party. Really?

Yeah, you got to party. You celebrate their life because they're already dead. We can't bring them fucking back. What are you going to do? Huh. This, that Irish like to, the idea is you have to celebrate

with the people that are still left and to toast to the person that's gone. It's a good idea. Yeah. But I don't like looking at the body. I don't like that the body's in the open casket thing. I'm not a huge fan of that. We have you looked at,

would you look down at mine? I, yes. And you know what, you know what they do? They go up and people cross out and they say like a prayer and shit or they say they talk to them. God, I just had a vision of going to your funeral.

Oh my God, it's devastating. You think we'd invite you? I would go anywhere and give a fuck. We're not going to tell you where it is. But I'm not going to, you're not going to have the, I'm getting cremated. I'm not going to have my body out and about.

You're not going to have an open open? Fuck that. You know what the Jews do that I love the Jews for this, they fucking Jews. They don't show you the body when it's dead. Oh. I don't want to fucking see it again. Yeah.

I never liked that as a kid. When any family member died and you got to see him and like, why am I looking at this fucking guy? It's a weird like final image. Like, I don't like it. Yeah. Yeah.

I've never like lost somebody I'm really close to though, except for my dad. Oh, I was just going to say you're fucking dead. My dad, but like in terms of like someone my age or somebody. You've never lost a friend? Well, like Brody was a friend. Yeah, but not that close, huh?

No, I was still close, but he's not like in my top two or three circle. Yeah. You know what I mean? I like, you know, like if I'm at lost Kalyla, I've never like something like that. Would you throw a party? No.

You wouldn't throw. I think I would be devastated. If she died? Yeah, I'd be devastated. But would it depend on how she dies or it doesn't matter? No. If she's eating but a panda shark,

doing whatever she loves the most. Funny joke. Didn't hear you. Didn't understand what you were saying. Funny joke though. What if she's getting like a train run on her by a professional sports team? Yes.

And she dies that way. I would go. Then you'd want to see it. Yeah. Okay. And she dies getting a train run on her. Yeah, I just like if somebody's sick for a long time, that would be sad.

And then they die. Okay. How about this? Yeah. Kalyla is in a coma. Let's talk about your sister. Enough of Kalyla. How long?

Your sister. How long until you pull the plug? Oh, that's a tough one. She's in a coma. For how long? And I'm the doctor. Yeah. Mr. Lee, hi, thank you.

Yeah. Listen, we've been in a coma now for a week. Yeah. She's showing signs. I just unplugged it. Was that not supposed to? No, no, that's fine. Yeah, yeah.

We were going to ask you. We were going to do it. Yeah, the thing went. Well, we're trying to conserve a little bit of power. Yeah, yeah, that's what I thought. The solar panels aren't doing as well this year. Let's move on. All right.

How long? How long? How long would I? How long would you give it? It's a doctor said, let's be real about it. So there's brain function. She, her brain is still firing. We predict she could be in a coma for maybe even another week to a month.

So we don't really know. Well, I saw a movie with Robert DeNarrow in it. Yeah. I forgot what it was called, but. Awakening. Yeah, dude. I know what it's called in the fucking, in the fucking bit. Fuck face.

These guys are, these guys are invaluable. I know it's awakenings, but like, you know what I mean? For the bit, I was not knowing the fucking name. Do you understand what I'm saying? God bless you. You fucking, I hope one day a fucking panda shark eats you, man. All right. So I would probably, what about your sister?

How long? How long? Man, you can't, you can't answer this question. I would probably, it depends on what she wanted, right? I think she would want it us to unplug her. If she never clarified, because no one said this, I've never had this conversation. I would just be like, because of the movie awakening.

How long? Yeah, I'm going to keep it as long as the brain's functioning. But when the brain's dead, I'm going to unplug. Then you'll unplug. Yeah. What about your sister now? Well, how long would I keep my sister alive? Yeah.

Brain's functioning. A couple hours. No, it depends. It depends. I have to go somewhere. Not be real. How long would I keep my family alive? Yeah.

Unless they said they want to be taken off, I would just keep them on forever. Yeah, me too. But then you think, what if they're miserable? What if they're trapped in this purgatory hell of half-awake, half-can't-funk? That's creepy. That's a nightmare.

Well, that's what I'm saying. That's what we know. And they're in the purgatory like, you want to unplug me, dude? We don't know that they can't die. Like, you don't know that they're, you know what I mean? We don't know what their movement is, or if their cognitive thinking is still firing enough

to have them be conscious, trapped in a place where they, you know, ever had a dream where you can't breathe, or you can't speak, or you can't run? Oh, my God. When you're getting chased by something. What if they're having that? And you're running so slow. Yeah, and I just stop. I just go eat me.

I'll just stop. Because we don't know, because the brain is like, did you see this boxer, this guy? He died. This is so sad. He got hit, his head got hit so fucking hard. This is crazy footage. Boxer just died.

He was swinging at nothing. Like, he was in the middle of a fight. They stopped the fight for a second, because the other guy was on the ropes. He turns. He's just swinging at nothing. He thinks he's fighting somebody. He had fucking brain bleed.

Yeah. It was, if they show the video, that's it right there. This is so sad. Look at how crazy this is. And he dies right after this? No, much later. So he knocks that guy down. Right.

And they separate him. Yeah. But then the guy that's up on his feet is out of it. He's like, right now he's unconscious. Little does he know. His brain isn't working. The guy in the white?

No, the boxer. Look. Yeah, look. Oh, yeah. He's swinging at nothing. He doesn't know where he is. That's not a good sport, dude. Dude, isn't that fucking crazy?

That's insane. Tell me that's not fucking crazy. I'm glad he was boxing, not doing something else. Like cooking something. You know what I mean? Or doing, or like, what if he went? Poor fucking man.

He was a boxer. Yeah. You, Colinas told me a story about a girl. She was in such a coma or something, and they thought that she was brain dead or whatever. But she was trapped in her mind, right? And then they figured it away. I don't know exactly what it was,

a way to communicate. And she, they were able to, and she was like, I've been trying to talk to you guys forever. You know what I mean? See, that's what I mean. But I, you know, for years, I've been in, like watching you guys, not being able to say anything, right?

Just like, you know what I mean? That would fuck me up so much. And now she can communicate. I don't know how she does it, but like, yeah. She, with her, like with her mouth, you know, the keyboard, you know that thing with her eyes? Or with her tongue? I don't know.

That'd be a cool thing, a tongue thing. Clean my asshole. Right? But if I, if you, if I had the tongue thing, and the keyboard, was I hearing? I put my dick right on the keyboard. Yeah, you would. I think you would. Right?

And then what if I won this? He's awake. He's awake. He's awake. He's awake. Let me tell you something. If you were on a call, if you were in a Como state like that,

my friend, I would stay with you for the, till the very end. No, you wouldn't. I would keep you alive. And I say, yes, I would. I would do everything in my power to keep you alive. Well, so I'm in a coma with my eyes open. Your choice.

Oh, so can you, well, if somebody's in a coma, I don't, I don't know why I'm doing this with my hand. All right. Yeah, I would probably do this. Call my hands. Like I'm a squirrel. Yeah. Yeah.

So I'm in a coma, right? Can you open my eyes? We could open the lids of your eyes. Well, would I stay open like this? No. I would just close it back down. Yeah. Okay.

But I would keep you alive. How? No, no, no, I'm saying I wouldn't, I would make sure they don't, they don't unplug. Because Steve would be like, I don't know, man, maybe we should unplug him. You know, Steve would want to unplug him. Yeah, because he knows my will.

Uh-huh. Yeah, he'd want you unplugged. Yeah, he knows my will. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, and I'd keep you alive. I'd say we can't unplug him. We got to keep Bobby like this. But I honestly, dude, and this is the honest truth,

and I'm not doing this for comedy's sake, right? Okay, well. Number one, I think that you would visit me more than anyone else. I really, I would. But probably once a year. No, that's insane. There's no way you would, if I knew you were, I'm just saying this right now.

You would never visit me. I would, I would. Not more than I would visit you. Yeah, we would, you know what we would have, we would have you, we would ship your body to the big island. That's where you live. Yes. Hawaii.

Hawaii. And have me swim with sharks. Yeah, yeah. Yes. And we would be right there, right? Yeah. And then have an aquarium around you with fucking panda sharks. Yes.

Right? Yes. And that same guy, the fucking luau guy. I think people would be in a bad frame. He's going to be there. Yes. Right? Just with the torch.

All the people that I love. All the people you love. And the torch, right? And a big banner of what Hawaii means, whatever. I don't fucking know what it was. But we'll look it up. Breath, breath, breath, breath, water, light. Yeah, that would be tattooed on your face.

Sick. I would do that. Tattoo that right on your face, dude. I would keep you alive. Yeah. Where would you put me? And I would always say, and I would say to the, I would say to the doctor or the nurse,

and I'd be friendly with them, and I would bring them stuff, snacks, chocolate, wine, you know, I'd butter them up. Yeah. And I'd be like, can I have a moment in the room alone with him? And they would go, absolutely. Yeah. And I'd be a little sweet. I'd pretend to be sweet.

And every single day, I'd visit you every single day. Yeah. I would visit you every day once a day. Okay. And I would put something in your asshole. Every day. What? Anything.

Anything I could find, it would collect slowly, but surely over time. Right. I'd start with something small. Like what? A Sharpie. Okay, a Sharpie. I'd throw a Sharpie in there.

Would to freak you out though, is if you stuck a Sharpie in my butthole and all these things, right, then next day it came in, and they were in my mouth. Would that freak you out? I would wink at the doctor, because he knows. No, you did it? I don't know. It's a mystery.

That would freak you out. That just ends up somewhat. Imagine it. Or go two Sharpies in my nose. If I'm talking to you, if I'm like, Bobby, it's good to see you. I've got to go soon. And then you just go, and a Sharpie just comes right out of your mouth.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. From your butt. And I go, ta-da. I would visit you. I would visit you a lot. Yeah, I would visit you once a year. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I'd visit you way more than you'd visit me.

I don't know. We'll see. It's a contest I hope we never do. It's a contest I hope that never happens. It never happens. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me ask you this. Let's say Eric Griffin was in a coma.

Pull the plug. No, no, no. Oh, no? No, no, no. Keep him alive. Yeah, keep him alive. How many times would you visit him? I think once is good.

Twice. I think once to say, I miss you. I love you. Yeah. If you get out, we'll see you. Yeah. If not, yeah. The public is not a lot of room in the room.

In the room. Hey, buddy. Excuse me. So fucking mean. So mean. It's so mean. It's so mean. I love them.

Why are we even talking about this coma and stuff? Oh, because that thing, I don't know. I don't even know how our brains got that one. Yeah. Well, the fucking box was so depressing. I saw Rudy post a picture of herself in the Philippines in like a lake or some shit like that. With her mom.

Well, she was like swimming in a bay or something like that. She looks like she's having fun. I hope Rudy likes where she is because she's not coming back. I know. I called them. You called INS? Yeah. Yeah, and I said that she can't come back.

She can't come back. She's illegal. She's illegal. And I don't think she wants to come back. What if she doesn't want to come back? I've thought about that. Because if another pandemic happened, because you can't. What do you mean?

If there's another... There's monkey poxes on its way. Do you know this at like 30? How many people have monkey pox right now? Yeah, but you can only get that. It's hard to get. What do you mean it's hard to get? You need an anal sex to get it.

Okay. So I'm a candidate. Yeah, I'm not. The second case was found today in California. Two cases. It's hard to get. It's here. It's one guy.

It's here. Look at that. Look at all the states it's in. It says one right now, but that hasn't been... It's been around for three or four months. One guy has it. Dude, eight cases. Pretty tight.

Where? In the country? Do we have the most cases in the country? Yeah. No, I thought New York was higher than us. No, New York has nine. They got us by one. Yeah.

Well, I'm going to New York. Maybe I can bring it back. I'd love to try it out. What does it look like on your skin? Little bubbly. I don't like it. The little bubbly bubbles. Oh, so it could really...

It's actually, you'd hate to have it. Yeah. So should I get it? Yeah, I don't want bubbly bubbles. It sounds like something I'm purchasing off Amazon. Should I buy it? Look at that. Look at that. You want that?

That's monkeypox? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That looks... That looks like burns, like blister burns. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How do you get monkeypox? Anal sex. Is that the only way?

With a monkey. You have to fuck a monkey? You have to fuck, yeah. How do you catch monkeypox? It's a cool name. It's a really good one. Zoom in up top. Monkeypox can be caught from infected rodents,

such as rats, mice and squirrels. So whatever I'm going to eat in New York. Yeah. In parts of West and Central Africa, you can catch monkeypox from infected animal. If you're bitten or you touch its blood, body fluids, spots, blisters or scabs. Yeah.

Why do they call COVID-Pandapox? Pandapox. Yeah, it wouldn't be cooler. Pandapox. Yeah, I got Pandapox. It's just the same as COVID. COVID sounds mean. Mean.

Pandapox sounds fun. Fun. Look at that, though. You can get it from touching. So it's either close contact with infected skin, so someone else, bedding, clothing. So if I sleep in like a shady motel, I might be able to get it.

Yeah, we get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or just playing with animal blood. Yeah. So if you're just out there, you know. I love playing with animal blood. It's kind of fun. There's people in New York who did it.

Yeah, yeah. Well, obviously, someone had something a rat had either. You know what I mean? But if Ebola, I want Ebola. I want to have Ebola. Let's get you some Ebola, buddy. Because if I got Ebola and survived it,

that's a bragging right. You might. How about this, though? Look up the size. By the way, I saw an article the other day about the size of the rats in New York. Now are at an like the amount and the size are at an all time high.

It's gotten out of control. They're literally doing one of these. They sent out like a fucking. What is this? New York City rats are the Norway rat brown. The average rat is 16 years on his way of one pound can grow up to 20 inches and weigh two pounds. But there was like this thing.

I just saw an article on Twitter that was like they're calling not for a state of emergency, but for for New York to finally like they have to actually do something about it. It's getting out of fucking control. Let me see a photo of one. But it's nothing like the Filipino bat.

No, it's not. Have you seen that? Yes, we've showed it on this show. Look at the size. That's a fucking. That looks like my dog. That's my dog. Yeah, that's like a little Chihuahua.

It's the same size as my dog. Look at how big that is. Oh my god. Zoom on on that one. That's a foot locker in the Bronx. Foot locker. That's a foot locker. Yeah.

Yeah. In the back. Well, he did know Jordan's were getting released that day. So he was in for the drop. Yeah. Yeah, there. Look at the man holding that.

Oh. That's a rat. That's a rat. Oh my god. That's a fucking rat. Not a horse. That's a rat. That's a man holding it.

They're like guinea pigs. Bigger. Bigger. Yeah. What is that? One and a half pound rodent caught in New York lately. These are the big ones Andrew's talking about. My god.

Because they can eat them. Of course they do. Well, how do you think monkeypox got spread? Redpox, baby. Yeah. That's he. Oh, the guy holding one. No.

No way. No. Get fucked. It's like a raccoon. Is that a raccoon or a rat? That's not a rat. That's a raccoon or a porcupine, it looks like. Massive rat caught in London.

Oh, yeah. But that's, you know, London. Yeah. They love their rats out there. They love their rats out there. You can make fun of me again for Hawaii, but fuck me on the way back that we hit such bad turbulence that there is that moment where you're like,

I'm over the fucking ocean. I'm over the fucking ocean. Yeah. And it was sketch. Would you, but would you? Sketch. But would you rather land in the ocean or in a mountainous region like Colorado?

Well, I would rather land like in the flats of any fucking place. There's a lot of, most of the country is flat as fuck. I know, but if you, if a plane went down though, I'd rather go water, no? No, in the middle of the fucking ocean at night, fuck off, no chance. Oh, it float on dead bodies.

No, you're not, you're not floating. I mean, well, you're quite buoyant, but I don't think. I would survive. You don't think who you, if I, if I survive the landing. Just in. If a plane crashed. If I survived the landing. You're never going to, you wouldn't survive the landing.

Because I would do the opposite of what you're supposed to do. You know how everyone's supposed to do this? Right? Yeah. I would just do, I would stand and do something opposite because I know that doesn't work. And I will live. I'm alive.

Right? So you're the only one that lives. I would even stand like this, right? And everyone's going to be like this. I'm going to be like this. I'm alive. You crash in the ocean. Right.

The chances of it landing like. And I'm swimming. It's dark. Yeah. I'm swimming. Here comes a panda shark. All right. And I go, and it swims around me.

And it goes right back into his cave. Yeah. It goes right back into his cave. Right. And then some guys like, shaka. Yeah. So what I would do is I would find other things that float. What?

Parts of the plane? Yeah. Parts of the plane. To get on. To get on. Right. You mean? Or, you know, a large man.

The wing. Or a wing, right? And I'd float on that for a while. And then people would try to get on it. And I would do like, get on mine. You mean, yeah. You know what I mean? I would, that's my raft.

You would fight people off of it. Yeah. You would, if someone's like, there's plenty of room, can I get in? No, no. Please. No, I would be collecting like, like coax and different things to survive.

I'm in survival mode. You're in survival mode. Yeah. Get off. But what about, and then you see like a chubby guy and you're like, I could eat this guy at some point. Oh. You got to eat something.

You know what I would do? No. I would wait for him to die first. Oh, so you would just- I would be on the, no, I'd be on the wing, right? And I would, I am. I would, I am. Keep your eye on that guy.

Yeah. Keep him eye on it. He's dead. And that would swim over to him, right? And then eat him, right? If he's not getting on the fucking round. You're not going to let him on. If it was a hot chick, I'd let him on.

Do you think you would survive for real? Anything like that? I really do. How long though? A day, two days. I know that I have probably a 24-hour window and I'll die. Yeah, one day.

From hyperthermia. One full day. And I believe that if the plane went down, don't they have like little beepers? Is it like a black box or like a little like- Well, the black box reports what's going on in the car. Isn't there a thing like a radar? Something that they can locate?

Let him figure this out. Let him figure this out. All right, so GPS. Yeah, not GPS, right? I'm pretty sure they'll be like, we lost the flight pattern in this area, right? So we think, you know, scientists or whatever they have, right?

We'll probably be like, you know, this is the general 30-mile radius that we think the plane went down. Sure. Right? They would probably zip over with their planes. Yeah. Right?

The little buddy Holly ones. Yeah. Rest in the big bopper. So they would probably zip, right? And I would have, on my thing, I would have help but small. Written small help. Because it's on the- I don't have a lot of space.

Where are you? Where are you going to sit? Are you the H? I'll probably use- I'll probably use what? Yeah, I'll probably be the H. I'll be with the H. I think I could do a P.

Can I tell you something? Yeah, you'd be the- You'd be the bubble of the P, your stomach. Right. So I would put chestnuts if they're chestnuts. No, the peanuts from the plane. Peanuts from the plane, right? It would be the H-E-L.

I would be the P, right? I'd have half of a dead fat man. Can you imagine? You to the side like this and then with your stomach, they're like, help? Is that a bead down there? Help? That's what I would do.

I guess they don't need help. Right? And you would never survive. And I mean this genuinely. Okay, let me ask you this. If you and I were- You think you would survive more than me? A hundred percent.

We talked about this- That really pisses me off. We're talking about this. Get us on Naked and Fucking Afraid and I've guaranteed I'll last longer than you. That really pisses me off, dude. I'll last longer than you. Dude, that's-

There's no way to know that. Yeah, there is. Just sheer athleticism and grit and- But it's my will to live. I have a will to live. Not when you're in that kind of situation. You don't. I do.

I do. You know, okay, first of all, I come from this kind of stock. They saved my son. Look up Red Headed Boy found in Woods. They saved my son. Literally two days ago. It's been all over the paper.

And they found this boy. They found this boy, a little missing boy in Montana, that first article. First article, go back. Look at the picture of this kid. Tell me this isn't me. That is you.

That's my son. That's your son. They found my son. And where was he? He was lost in the woods in Montana. We let that kid outside for five minutes. He fucking disappeared. How long was he in the Lost of Words for?

I think it was like two days or something. Dude, I think that kid's dad, dude. What's really weird about it, he had a bloody nose, which I think is like, how did you get a bloody fucking nose? He returned home safely, go down.

Return home safely after spending two days outdoors on his own in the fucking woods in Montana. This kid's a fucking, this kid's a soldier. Would I be able to do that? No, no way. As a grown adult,

you don't think I'd be able to do that? Nope. Oh yeah, 100%. Nope. Put me in Montana now. I want to leave you in the fucking woods so bad. Do it. No, because then you'll lose you.

No, I want to prove a point. You'll never live, dude. You'll die. Two days. Yep, so fast. So fast you'll die. It'd be a terrible two days, I'll tell you that right now.

You'd be attacked by something immediately. It'd be a terrible two days. Can you imagine fucking like that? Go find a person in the woods? They had drones. It's not as hard as it used to be. Are you saying that or do they say that? No, I'm saying that

because I don't think you saw that they had drones and ATVs as well. Yeah, but drones help. They got to help a little bit. Yeah. Yeah, but also, like when Gandalf was on the tower and without that moth.

If he only had a moth drone. Yeah, that moth and then got the eagle. Right? Then he would have never escaped. I guess that was the drone of that world. Yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying. Well, let me tell you something. Yeah.

Thank you for being a bad friend. Fucking. Anyway. Fucking. Anywho. I swam with sharks and you on the fucking island. Yeah.

You took a fat shit fucking lose. You learned some things. You took a fat TV shit. That's what you did. Fucking loser. At least I went out and did something. And here was you filming a fucking. And they put it on fucking TV.

You're filming the shit you fucking. All right. Why are you so angry, dude? You attacked me. Oh, I'm sorry. I was having fun.