Bad Friends - Spooky Nights and Unicorn Love

Episode Date: October 25, 2021

Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com Thank you to our Sponsors:  https://betterhelp.com/badfriends & https://upstart.com/badfriend & https://www.meundies.com/badfriends & https://www.bespokepost.com code: BADFRIENDS YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/ 0:00 Chilly Chill and Mr. Hollywood New Merch 3:10 Sad Panda Bobby and Communist Hippy Santino 8:30 Rudy's One Hour Showers 19:35 Name that Bird 23:00 The Reason Dogs Go Missing in Hollywood 26:55 Bobby the Wood Elf 35:58 Bobby and Andrew's Chinese Panda and Black Bear Movie 53:01 Rudy Reviews "A Clockwork Orange" 57:45 Is Yoda a Foreigner? 1:7:34 Tit fir Tat 1:18:50 Fancy's Citizenship Test More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Andres Rosende & Pete Forthun Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey So check this out. We want to promote a couple of things. I'm on the road Andrew Santino comm I'm in San Francisco this weekend I added shows in Philly in Seattle and Portland. I'm coming to Atlanta Chicago, New York Grand Rapids Pittsburgh, Columbus. I'm all over the place. We just added Florida Andrew Santino comm tell them to see me. Oh go see it means that one of the best in the world Andrew Santino comm also can I pop he's got something so on October 22nd on Netflix my show I'm on a animated show called inside job with me Lizzie Kaplan Brett Gelman and your daily bunch of people awesome and It's about a shadow government and I play I'm a woman. I'm a regular on it

I'm on every episode awesome, and I played the Chinese science. Oh Check it out and also these shirts these shirts are available now both the bad friends chilly chill Mr. Hollywood are available right now. They should be in the merch bar below Otherwise go to badfriendsmerch.com badfriendsmerch.com One two three four five o'clock rock nine ten eleven twelve No, no, no, that's not that it's Oh, it was a monster. Oh, yeah, that one. Da na na na na. It was a graveyard smash

How does the music park? Oh, na na na na na. How does it go? How does it go? Do you know what it is? It's a monster man. Oh Who are you? Who are you? Freddie Krueger from what from what movie? Oh great Robert England and what are you? I'm Panda. Oh Oh, Panda from Kung Fu Panda. Give us a little kung fu Okay, oh

What are you doing fans? Yeah, what are you fancy is fancy's walked into the room? He's he's Pedro He's Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite the film that came out 30 years. Oh, that's right. He's really keeping it up to date. What are you smoking? It's just a vape. Give it to me. Here. Is there drugs in it? No, I Like this look Float flum float gummy drop. Yep. Oh, it smells good. Yeah, should I get into vapes? Come on man. Is this my thing now? I can't I want to put my lips where your lips were why I'm afraid of that No, that's racist dude. Do it. It has nothing to do with it

It has to do with race if it was just like it was just here if it was just enough you'd fucking do it. He's cuter than you but That has nothing to do with like being it clean if my lips turn yellow after All right, you know, no, I'll put my hip fingers in front of it. Watch this. Yeah, this will work. Yeah, I Hate this okay. Oh, yeah. Oh Whoa, I feel it now. It's not marijuana. No, I know I don't like it Yeah, I'm not a vape God. Are you a vape guy? No, you don't look like a vape guy Oh, let's start from the beginning. Hey, hey, what's wrong? Why are you depressed? I'm a panda with it. I'm depressed

Because I Haven't had bamboo in a couple of days. Oh, look look look. That's not. Oh bamboo bamboo And also Look a little bamboo for my little panda bear. Oh, my mic just broke Jesus What's wrong with my little panda bear Is your little shed panda? Yeah, yeah, why are you little shed panda? Because of my black eyes

Well, what do you have black eyes for my husband beats me? Oh Oh, your husband hits you. Yeah, like my husband my husband says, you know, I'm going to work All right, and I'm like bye and then like five days later He comes back and he's got like track marks on his arms. Your husband is a heroine at your panda husband is a heroine Yeah, and he any um You can tell that he has a belly full of bamboo and doesn't bring me any and then he punches my eyes and he goes Panda supposed to have black eyes and he punches my eyes. No. Yeah, and then he um Comes on my white belly

Okay, you can't really see it's there then can you what yes if it's mixed it's white your belly's white I know, but that's when I go to the police. I go. He came on my belly. We can't get the fuck out of your panda You know, no, the cops send you away. Well, apparently they say it's all for humans only It's for humans only. What a domestic violence panda supposed to do. We have to go see the bear the black bear Oh, yeah, the sheriff. Yeah, you need help. Yeah, see grizzly bear Eric Griffin ever Eric grizzly bear Eric grizzly bear the bear and you need help Bobby. You need help. Yeah. Well, I'm Barbara. Oh, Barbara You need help. Yeah, my husband. He's been out shooting heroin with all the other bad pandas and another panda out there doing heroin again And come come all over my belly. I can't see any of it. It's mixed in with all that white fur. I know

What a dilemma Poor little panda. I tell him to come on my arm so they can see the car. Yeah, then you'd see it. Yeah What do you want me to do about it? anal bend over And then you fuck me behind a tree. Yeah. Yeah, I like your panic. What do I look like? Do you know what I am? You're angry hippie Now you know what I am

a communist Oh, that's right. You're a communist. I'm a communist. Yeah. I'm a communist. Well, that was obvious. I'm a commie bastard. Yeah, and obvious You're a communist. Yeah. I want everyone to have everything. Yeah. Yeah. I'm a commie. What are you? I'm a freggy, freggy kruger. He's freggy kruger. You look like just like a girl that's on melrose. It's just like a oh, oh, there Oh, there we go. It's a dead giveaway. freggy kruger, freggy kruger, freggy kruger, freggy kruger from the island of Philippines Freggy kruger. Yeah.

Yo, cut my cum bunga sum, freggy kruger. Let me ask you something, Jules. If you were walking like that down the street with the fucking knives But like in august Like in saboo like just walking downtown saboo, right? You think people would be like would they would turn their heads or they would just I think they wouldn't mind. They wouldn't mind. Nobody would think twice about you with wielding. What if those were real knives? Would anybody say anything? Maybe, but I don't think so. It's so wild. It's wild. That's not even a thing. It's not it. Yeah, that's not a big people are allowed to just be chaotic down there

Because people have so many other problems going on. Yeah, that's the last thing on their mind. Yeah I love going to see like homeless people in like Countries like that. Why? I love visiting them. Do you know why? Why? They always have the best genes Homeless people? Yeah, because it's like they're warning enough. Yeah, they're they wear it in in the way where it's like Oh, that's a cool. You know what I mean? Like vomit and you know poo poo a lot of poo, right? And like piss pure Beer mud. It's all stained. I'd like to buy them from them How much would you pay for that? Probably like a couple hundred bucks. Seriously? Yeah, there's some some of them are dope, man What if we start a raw denim company where you and I go get raw denim?

Yeah, and then we give it to homeless people to wear for like a week and then we pay them to give it back to us And then we sell it to rich people. Well, they do they already do that. It's so apc You have heard of apc. They don't do that apc used to ask kevin christy apc used to Give people jeans You wait them wear them for a year You they buy them back from you. Yeah, no I'm talking about give them to a homeless guy to poop in them and have rip holes and do heroin and stuff Right, but wait a minute. They would get they would pay you to wear them and give them back. Yeah

So you wait them for a year. They give you raw denim. They give you raw denim You go live living them for a year. Don't wash. Don't wash. Never wash. Bring them back And then they go here's some money or how often do you wash your jeans? Never you've never washed a pair of jeans Have you ever washed a pair of jeans? I always wash them when I wear them after so every time you wear pair of jeans You wash them. Yeah, that's wrong. You're not supposed to do that. How often you wash your hair? Every day. Yeah, I'm not supposed to do that either. She takes your showers I should charge you How much do you think it costs for her like each hour? I swear and this is not even exaggeration

I've I've clocked her at an hour Have you seriously taken an hour shower? Yeah It makes me so at like 30 minutes. You're like It's fine. Is that she's dirty? Is that because she's making up for all those years and not having water running water in Cebu? Is that what it is? Maybe because there's no hot water Oh, no, I feel bad. Let her take two hours. Hey, look up. How much does it cost for like per gallon? To run your shower. Yeah, how much is it for an hour shower?

What do you think it is our shower probably five bucks? I was gonna say 10, but I feel like five is but Assuming at the rates of electricity and water in your area are national average 12 cents per kilowatt hour and $1 50 kilowatt us gallons each so for every Gallon it's a dollar 50 each hour costs you 25 cents or 51 cents per day for the whole household. Whoa, that's nothing So how much is it so so average? I would say that it says it costs you 25 to 51 cents per household. Yeah per shower Yeah each but but she's taking what would be

A five five four or five showers four or five four or five showers. So every day you're probably costing $2 or $3. Oh, yeah, fuck it Shower fucking you know what hours. I think I got some money in here. Hey, yeah, yeah, there's there's a shower There's a shower give that to bob if you ever come. Whoa good catch rude. Yeah, honestly, that's pretty impressive I didn't know I thought that was way more expensive for some reason. Why did my parents yell at me all the time for taking long showers? I don't know, but why don't you go to the Korean spa with me ever? I've asked you so many times Oh, do you have time to go to Korean spa between going to do Sex in the City and then going to do Magnum PI and then doing the show Tell me when you have time

No, but I before have when I didn't have time when I didn't have the time when I didn't have the time I asked you you've never had time. You've never had time. I've always had time when I've I asked you and I shouldn't be angry and I should not be angry. I'm sad panda and I'm the communist Yeah, yeah, remember I asked you to go trick-or-treating this year and you said absolutely not what would a panda sound like? Okay, that's your thing. Yeah, let me see if I can guess You just repeated what I did That's true That's true. That's exactly what I did

That's true My bad. My bad. Do yours again Good Rudy I just think of them as like They don't speak English! No, I'm explaining because it's just gonna be one sound like Okay, all right, you could have just done it. You don't have to explain it Yeah, yeah, yeah, look up what pandas sound like Pete. I gotta tell you

Yeah, yours that second one you did the gunner all on that was in my mind Sounded like what I think they do sound like. Yeah. Yeah here because a sloth sounds like this Yeah, let's hear what pandas sound like and by the way, huh, obviously not not not even a good effort Yeah, what a minimal archie bunker. All right, let's hear Do you find them though people go, oh pandas are the cutest bears. I don't find them the cutest though You know what's so funny? I I do think they're very cute. Yeah, but also Sometimes I think things that aren't cute are like I think squirrels are cute as shit. I love them I think they are cute. They're 100% cute. What about raccoons cute as fuck man. I agree. Yeah, what about

But I'll tell you I tell you why we think they some people think they're ugly. Huh? It's they base it on their behavior and you know what what because of who we are Yeah, we don't judge on the behavior. We don't judge on behavior. We judge on looks alone and how cute you are cute, right? Yeah, you're you're in a my garbage dump for fucking with your family eating fucking garbage food Yeah, and stealing is one thing fine, right? But when you pop your hand out of that fucking thing Yep, and you look at me with those little cute faces. What am I gonna do nothing? Yeah, I love you I love you so much. I you're right. We judge by the behavior. Yeah, I don't want to judge by bad head Although although I will say squirrels don't have bad behavior

Uh No, I don't think so. What about pigeons pigeons. I don't think find them cute though Sometimes but sometimes this is cute that is cute some let's just head bobbing Yeah, that is true. I never thought of it that way. Why is that because of bird bob? Yeah, look at how cute that is. Yeah, but to me, you know, I mean, I think you're looking at the bob And you're putting sexuality to it. No. Yeah. Yeah, you're imagining, right a dev just On your shit right there, right? And they don't really those muscles that they're using It's like when a girl is going down on you, right? They're not necessarily muscles. They generally use

So they get sore after a while. Oh After about a minute What if pigeons the reason they're walking around like that is they're practicing sucking dick just right We're running right and then like the guy pigeons are in the trees Yeah Practice practice. Yeah two months January 12th. I'll meet you on this tree stump Get back here when you can. Yeah when you can also by the way, I learned the other day

We were I was in boston common boston common in the park. Yeah love going sitting in the park Oh, I saw the photos and I was looking at the squirrels. Yeah, do you know how an you know the average life of a squirrel is? Let me guess. Yeah A year and a half. That's what I thought What do you think? How long do you think an average year? I also thought one year. That's what I said How much eight to ten years? Well, that's a good one. How do they I That doesn't make sense. It's great. How about the average? How about a bird?

Do you know what a bird we looked it up to what's the average span of a common bird which encompasses a lot of bird? Average lifespan six years. What do you say rude two to three two to three two to three is exactly correct That's the average. I spent a bird two couple years couple years And I'm gonna ask you this. Yeah, you you get all the birds in the sky. Yeah, sometimes I'll walk I'll be Trolling down or frolicking frolicking mostly like frolicking through, you know gardens or pastures. Yeah, that's my thing You're very big in the past. Yeah. Yeah, and you've never seen me I wear my overalls, right and I always put my head in the pigtails, right? I put little freckles on my face with the you know, I mean, yeah, and I have a basket

You always have a basket. Yeah. Yeah, and I frolic Are you wearing a little tiny skirt? Oh, yeah in a pasture, right and can I see a skip, right? I see your little whoot hanging out underneath right and I sing white music like zippity-doo does zippity-day Jeremiah had a bullfrog, you know all the white classics. What are the other white classics? Right, right? Um Happy birthday to you. That's a boy. What else? Um take it easy Eagles take it easy, right and I'm frolicking what why what else? Um, go go back go back to your country. That's right. That's a white song. That's a good one. Uh, what's another white song? Um,

Uh, uh, Bill the wall bill the wall. Can I just finish my pasture, please? So, um, I feel like to frolic and I but when I frolic I look at the birds, right? Yeah, and I count them And I don't know the varieties. You know what I mean? I'm right. There's a woodpecker. There's an owl. Right, right? There's an owl. Right and um Sparrow Beautiful what a beautiful creature dove Beautiful creature Cool

Quail Are you just rattling off all the birds? You know pheasant Okay, good Hummingbird Bluebird. Yeah bald eagle blue j. Okay. Um Chicken cardinal rooster Uh, two of those things can't fly you just named two things that can't fly but they're still birds, right? You got it Oh, well then I thought that's where I thought that was the game where we're fucking swan swan duck

Uh Very good. Why oh just taking duck from me because that was my next one for sure I know and I stopped because I went to pond. I know as soon as I got into ponds I know And I stopped you right. I think you got me at duck. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're done. Fuck a duck. Fuck a duck You got me. So can I finish the frolic in 100% right? I count them all right. Sometimes it's like macau Oh Fuck man fruit bat parrot. It's fruit bat a bird. It's a bat. It's a bat different

Oh my bad parrot parrot bird of paradise parakeet That's great. That's a good one. I want parrot to parakeet That's a really good. You gotta have one more otherwise I win. I know but you took a long time after that Did you not I admitted I failed. I know what you are. Well, you're stalling right now Very good. Thank you. Thank you Fuck Let's go. Let's finish the frolicking. You're right. I'm sorry. Go ahead. All right I count all the but let me just get to the point right please. There's thousands of birds, right?

But they so you're saying they die after two or three years pterodactyl pterodactyl is not a fucking bird. They were a bird They were a bird. We don't even know if they existed Oh, are you a flat earther? That's true. They're existed. Of course they existed. All right. They existed. All right. So you're frolicking through the field Yeah, did I do hummingbird? You did that was your first one. Oh, that was my first one. Yeah, you can't go back for one though It's in fact when you do twice, it's done

Any birds any birds to throw in? Yeah. Yeah raven Very good. Huh vulture vulture you um condor Condor is a good one. Condor is a good one, dude. Come on. Blue jay. I already said blue jay. Fuck. Yep. You did. Yep

You're running out. You're running out. I'm not running out. You're running out. You're running out. You're running out I'm running in don't don't say running out because it fucks with my mind. Oh, we're closing the door. No, there's no Oh, no Padoom. All right. All right. You're in the field. So um, and you're saying they die every two or three years Two to three years of the average lifespan of most birds. So you're talking about thousands of birds are dying at one time Where in what where are the bodies? Have you thought of that that that's exactly what I thought of when I said when I read two to three years I thought where do they go? Yeah, because I in my life, right? I've walked around bob. Where do they fucking go?

I'm asking you. I'm telling you that I walk around. Yeah, and probably 10 times in my life I've said, oh, there's a poor dead bird on the street or in a forest or whatever, right? Yeah But you're talking about thousands of days birds dying Where are the bodies? I see dead birds more rarely than I see roadkill Blue two I'm gonna say something Andrew. You should at 50. You know, I need blue two

Oh, it's yeah, it's hard right now. It doesn't go down. It's hard to get hard up It just stays with you dude. It goes up and it stays up and I feel like I'm a 18 year old soldier again When you told me you said blue I said blue two is going to be a sponsor for us and you said give me some now and I we sent you a box Are you using it? Yeah, it's good. It's my favorite blue two is incredible Hey, we could all use a little stiff breeze a little uh strengthening a little blood pumping down Blue two is a unique online service that delivers the same active ingredients as viagra and sialis But in chewable tablets and at a fraction of the cost right take them a day or night the best part any time

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Where do we have to go bob? Download the free anchor app or go to anchor.fm to get started Well, we did it. We look we looked at some of the variables and it just turns out I mean, I bet you money if you me Fauci Right the other scientists Mm-hmm. Right. He's a doctor We need a scientist. Who's a Neil deGrasse Tyson Neil deGrasse Tyson me Neil deGrasse Tyson and we check a couple of boxes with him Uh, what what is his? He's black. He is

Right, so it's like we're checking boxes. We're checking boxes and also building a scientific community community with one guy So listen Vietnamese fans. Yeah. Yeah, we don't be offended. No, of course not and we're also not accusing you of anything We're just saying yeah, it could be them I don't know. I don't think so though. I don't know about that. Yeah They might go ahead. Well, I was gonna say they might be the reason that in my neighborhood There's always signs there say coyotes are out there eating dogs. I've never seen a coyote Take one, but dogs go missing a lot Dude, that is such an interesting fucking theory. You're absolutely right a lot, right?

And I've never seen a coyote eat a dog and I've heard I heard they do can I just say this too? And this is this is probably just I'm you know, I'm this is probably a stretch, right? But one time stretch it right I mean stretching it one time when we first moved into our house, right? I heard the account at coyotes, right? Because you know the The real estate guy said there's a lot of coyotes here. So we got the fence for our dogs So three in the morning. I was out there with the dog's jewels, right and here You know the cowie, right? I heard them. Is that it? I don't know I think whatever they hold at the moon. Yeah, but they kind of chatter

They do that noise Exactly Right right right and I looked and it was three filipinos Listen, I'm not saying anything Right, right, but they were naked. Oh, they were naked Making noises right making the noises they had fucking spears Oh, no, and they were hunting for something now. Did you ask them what they were hunting for?

I go hey get out of here. I mean, what do you get on your property? And they here's what what's fucking crazy about that, right? They seem to not understand what I was saying bullshit, right? So they were like I could get out and they're like Right, they spoke that they spoke coyote, right? So I feel like they're like people that were like raised in the woods raised by coyotes coyotes all right, can you? Prove to me. You can't speak coyote right now. I can't prove prove How let me hear coyote. Let me see if it sounds real. It's not well. Oh, see that's what somebody would say if I know coyote Okay Well, that's exactly what was that it sounded like well when you were trying to do the coyote, right?

I go that's not exactly right, but when she did it organically do it again. I'm a look away. Yeah, do it again roll Jules My instinct is to get the dogs inside the house, dude Oh fuck, I thought you said I was a bad That's true to be fair to fair you one could be two one could be both you're allowed to be both things Yeah, and yes, you are a bad. Yeah Freddie bat by the way our whole bad friends team dressed up of course

Andres is the ever-present very topical character of Pedro right from Napoleon dynamite. Yeah, and Pete is What are you Pete? I'm Napoleon and He's Napoleon yeah, because bad friends is on a budget on a budget Yeah, and I didn't know that Napoleon what was a fat fuck I'm sorry. I'm sorry. All right. We'll say it to him. I'm sorry Pete, right? But when you see me in this panda outfit, I'm shaped like a pan. Oh, yeah, that make it make sense Right, you look right now. I literally thought I was in fucking Woodstock, right?

Yeah, dude, it's like that is time travel, right? What do hippies do? What are my hands doing? What exactly because there's trails, dude, you're creating you're creating trails. You're high as fuck. Yeah, dude, you're fucking Unicorn cock What do you imagine a unicorn cock looks like not like a normal cock why just like a bunch of colors Yeah, but it can't be shaped like a normal cock. There's no I mean I get that the cult it's candy striped I feel like a unicorn cock is not even a solid thing that it's a ray of light Whoa, right? You're touching on some good shit. I know. I know so it's like so it's a it's a heavy Let's imagine. Let's imagine, right? Mm-hmm that I am on a

Wood elf I see it. Thank you Yeah, I see it right. I see it. I'm a wood elf, right? Uh-huh and how it's fucking just all day What am I killing or orcs? I'm killing goblins and war and cave troll flink flink, right? Yeah, I'm exhausted, right tired I go to the shire, right? Right. I I pull back a couple Pints. Oh, you're up here, right? Right. I'm a little tipsy, right? Hey, I throw no, you know, man. Good to see you

Right talking shit to talking shit, right? I'm walking out of the fucking bar, right? Mm-hmm, and they're like you're going home What else that's what they call me Well, I have a name woody woody. That's woody. You're going home. I'm going home. I'm not where you going I'm going out to get some fucking unicorn cock. Oh Good boss, right? Is it are they like prostitutes or unicorns prostitutes? No, no, right, but they they're not gay What are they? There are not anything. They're not anything, but I'm pretty sure they're not gay Okay, they could be I don't know but you go out to the woods to go get them

I don't get them. Well, you come to me. I do the look because Gandalf taught me to do whistle Yeah, yeah, that that dude from the fucking movie So you whistle right they come get comes out was what's Gandalf's name was shadow mirror shadow facts or Something like that was his horse's name shadow facts. Yeah, shadow facts, right? So, but it's not shadow fact It's a fucking unicorn, right fucking. You know, I mean, yeah, I'm again. He's when he's hopping. He's got big wings He's also go. No, he's not. He's this is the hooves. Oh, right. He's I'm about to get my dick suck, right? That's what he's doing You're right. He's running faster

You know, I mean like he would run fast if orcs were chasing him Yeah, but he runs doubly fast when he knows that this woody is gonna suck his dick because he's excited because you're good I'm probably pretty good. You're probably one of the best drunk. He's not gonna remember nothing. I'm gonna do it on his face Oh, whatever, right? And he comes out and I get on my knees, right? Yeah, and he does what a dog does What do that? What do you mean? He when he's peeing the rocket comes out. No, he just lifts one leg like this. Oh, yeah Yeah, he lives one way like this. He doesn't even really acknowledge you. He doesn't yeah lifts up his leg Well, yeah, he's also not he's looking down at you at all. He's also you know what he's doing. Yeah

Yeah, he's looking at a female unicorn across the way because he's not even like he doesn't like cross species So to get hard or whatever. He's got to look at he's got to look at a female unicorn. That makes sense So when he does this he's looking at what is Felicia, you know, I mean Felicia just do you, right? Spin a beam of light enters my mouth It's like it's like, you know what it's like. No, like those fucking in Ghostbusters those fucking. Oh, yeah The the the the the the the guns stream the streams go right and it makes my mouth It's pulling right right Right, right and he unloads right and it's just like I ate

93,000 mush more smells Right he he calms away It's coming out of my Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah everywhere. Yeah like that everywhere that goes into your mouth that goes in my mouth And how do you feel when it's over? Well, I'm gonna I assume I'm in a blackout drunk. I wake up in the field right with marshmallows everywhere And um, you know how you wake up, right? And you're like, um, you know, you just do that because your mouth is dry But this time

Right And like rainbow colored like marshmallows Landon grow and I just go I gotta I'm never I'm never doing that Yeah, yeah, because every time I get and then you're sober three years You're in a meeting right you're sharing, you know, and you know got so bad No, wait. Yeah, that's what it got so bad for me, man. I used to go to the shire get drunk, right? I used to blow I used to blow unicorns, right and in the audience you hear

Right he's sober now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he doesn't do it anymore. He doesn't do it anymore either, but Yeah, he comes up to you while you're having coffee at the after the meeting during the break during the break Have a cigarette, right? And he's like, you ever thought about doing it again? Just attempt you Right and I looked out at his crotch, right? Yeah, not that a laser comes out, right? No, but a little bit of like a little glow a little glow like To remind you, right and I start solifing right and I relapse at night. I relapse at night. Yeah. Yeah poor Woody It's a sad Tale, it's a sad tale, but it's a true tale. It's a true tale. Did you tell did you find out what a panda sounds like?

By the way after 20 minutes of this chaos. Oh, here we go. Let's hear what they sound like. Yeah Oh shit, we were close class Let's hear So cute Yeah, sounds like Andres is car starting when he leaves Yeah So Are they deadly they I think they can kill I think they can kill humans

Yeah, but can you like if I was in China? Like you and I are in China. Yeah, right and we see a panda Would you I'm being real. We see In the wild in the wild. Yeah, right in its natural habitat Of course, we have bamboo sticks Right. Yeah Would you would you be scared to approach it? Honestly, yeah

Because look no matter how adorable don't approach a giant panda in the wild They have strong groups. They could deliver powerful bites strong enough to harm a human leg They can so they can get through you. You have a leg for a story I mean leg versus story. It's like I guess lose a leg It's a great story. I guess lose a leg. Yeah. Yeah, but I mean a Ted talk on it But when you approach them like it's different with like you what you can't really pet. Are you gonna pet it? No, I wouldn't pet it. They're gonna run away. Well, you and I would have a conversation It'd be like, how's the best way to do this? So let's be real about it

Do do I'll stick Let's gather a bunch of bamboo Even though there's bamboo all over the place. Maybe we'll we'll get better bamboo You think so premium bamboo. We don't know premium though. I know a guy out there. Oh, you do. Yeah All right, so we'll go to see her guy first. Oh, yeah, we'll go to guy. Hey, can we get the Great a premium primo bamboo bamboo. Yeah, and he's like, all right. It's gonna cost you. Yeah, here's a wagon full How much did even how much is a wagon a basket full each wagon is the same as the shower It's 25 to 50 cents an hour. Right. So we'll go. All right. That's doable reasonable. We'll take a couple wagons

We'll give a dollar. Yeah, right. Give us back the change though. I keep it a fine. Keep it pal. All right. Don't be a dick Yeah, but yeah, we go out in front of the panda and then how would be our thing would be We um, you know what I would do, huh? It was I would put two bamboos on the in the ground Right sticks. I would make a human out of it, baby Right, that's his legs like a a scarecrow, right? But let me get appetizing Make it make it look delicious for them. Yeah Well, see I was gonna say that I think we should rip off the bamboo leaves and stick them to our bodies That's a very better idea and have them. I never I never even I want them to lick it off our bodies

I thought about that then we can just lay back on our stomach on our backs and check it out, dude. We also because you know that Um grizzly bears, right and brown bears because they don't know like Grizzly bears they eat salmon and honey, right? Yep, right, but to pandas, right? That's a foreign food It's like white people eating sushi Hear my thing, right? So we should bring that should real Canadian honey Yeah, maple honey syrup to them to them. So we put the bamboo, right, but we're kind of like a um, you know We create a meal out of it like a charcuterie board like charcuterie board

So we're like so we have nice salmon Because they might like it. We don't know right they all they have is bamboo. That's why they fucking eat the shit Yeah, they don't know anybody but when we're like, this is fucking Canadian shit here, baby Imagine when a panda right gets on a flight and flies to northern Canada And they run into like they're going to visit some in-laws right and they run into some local brown and black bears You know, the pandas the pandas are you know, they're mixed Well, and they see the brown and the black bears and the brown backs. I was up. We are what up panda We'll stop play up. I feel like and the pandas like what are you guys doing like we're about to go steal

I think the accent's wrong these picnic baskets. I think the accent's wrong. They steal the pandas are from the pandas are from China So do they accent? Oh? Yeah, yeah. Well, it doesn't feel you're the panda visiting me. I'm the black bear. I would like you to do the panda. You're the panda All right, you're the panda you've flown to me. All right, and I'm flying and I'm the black bear You're gonna let me get the backstory here. First of all, you're half white half black Okay, so one of your parents is black as a black bear. That's fine It doesn't matter because the thing is is that let's suppose Barack Obama is your dad. No, this

Listen to my process thought processes, right? Let's see. Barack Obama, right was born in China, right to a chinese family, right? He would still have an asian accent Barack Osaka. Yeah, Barack Osaka would still have a fucking asian accent Of course. Well, he does his color of his skin having to do its cultural. Oh, first of all, first of all, yeah You're a half black half white Asian panda bear. Okay. Okay. Yeah, your dad Is from canada. He's a black bear from canada, right? I don't realize this your mom is a white polar bear is a white polar bear from an araca exactly from an araca

Your mom had had a job offer in china. That's why you were born there. Okay. I better yet I have a better one. What right? Just to hear me out, right? Okay Let's say there was a war Uh, there was a pair of war. There was a pair of war. So an araca, right in canada. They sent troops, right to china to china, right? To fight the fucking pandas, right? Well Or some thing to fight the chinese from fight the china. That's better, right? And you know when two, you know, two different armies are working together They're probably some crossbreeding because they get bored. Yep. They're probably listening to jimmy hand rex. Yep, right?

Yep, you know, this is the end like to the doors. They're smoking weed. Yeah, they're sharing weed. Right, right This is the end Right, man, my friend, right. They're smoking weed, right? And I think, hey man, shit, because I'm why the fuck I'm Pull the pussy out here. Yeah, right? And you know, hey boys. Yeah, right. His fucking Grizzly ditches gets hard, right? Right, and it's like

But he's got bullet wounds too because he's been shot up. He's been clicked up, right? So the one night they smoke weed They get drunk whiskey whiskey fuck, right? Yeah They have a baby. They leave the baby there. They fly back to their fucking. They don't give a shit about the baby So what is that what you're saying the scenario? Correct. Okay. You're a bastard child You're a bastard panda child. I'm not a panda then. Yes, you are. All right. I'm a panda Just because it's all right because of what was going on. All right Movement. Hey, I love watches. Incredible. If you want watches at an affordable price, I gotta tell you Movement is great. They sent us a bunch of watches. I got a blue face

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I'm gonna go visit my mom and my dad I'll visit my dad first in canada and I'll go visit my mom in Antarctica So you go to canada meet your dad But is there like a some agency that he calls to find out where they live and whatnot pan is international. That's right Yeah, my bad. I forgot that that existed. Yes because they need help trying to find their parents They've all been abandoned. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. So you go you fly to canada. Yeah, and here you are And you see your dad with all of his buds Just kicking it kicking it in the forest and the forest on on their block

Right and you step on their block and like what's up? What's up little bitch ass? multi-colored bear and I go Well, why Who you looking for bitch you why you what you mean you looking for me? You're my daddy Shit, I ain't your daddy. Why you leave me? How do you know why you leave me? How do you know I'm your daddy? Because look and I pull out my dick Right, it's half white and half black but it's still shaped like yours. So it's real long

It's long but super skinny. Why does everything have to do? How about that forget that there you turn around and let me show you see your butt Let me see your butt. Let's not even do that because it's sexual. We always go there, right? I wasn't gonna make it about I know but I'm gonna do something different. How are you gonna go? How do you know you're my son and I look up my fucking paw? Yeah, and there's a birthmark And then you look at your paw and the same birthmark Holy shit, right? And then what do you do with that hand? We touch hands. No, I thought you were gonna hit me. I was

You want to rather touch but we go PG. We touch hands. We touch hands right right? And I'm crying and I'm and I'm crying too. You are you you feel yeah, because then all the homies But all the homies see them crying and they're like, oh, look at him crying like a bitch Yeah, shut the fuck up. Yeah, and then you hit me Right. I thought that ain't my bitch ass son. I fuck we do a hard cut if this is a movie. We do a hard cut cut We're on the dinner table And we I invited you for dinner. Yeah, because I we don't know what happened But I have a patch over my face. Well, we do know what happened. I hit you in the previous scene

But I'm like just eat your I'm like eat your salmon and shut the fuck up and I've never had it before so what would it And then my first sponsor how you're gonna be from fucking asian never had no goddamn salmon But we don't have salmon up there. I fucking got just sushi all over that bitch. That's Japanese Same shit. Everybody laughs. You're that kind of guy. Everybody laughs. Everyone laughs, right? Yeah And then I grab my shit and I head north to see my mom because I hate this fucking you I fucking hate this guy. I fucking hate this and I'm smoking unfiltered cigarettes, right? I'm like get out of here and it finished the story. I finally it takes me I walk It takes me about four years

To get to Antarctica. I think you get there. Let's say a couple months He's a small I have small little limbs. I takes you yeah, have you seen the move takes you a year How fast can pandas walk or run? I gotta tell you I bet you can get up to 10 miles an hour No, there's no way. Yeah. No, they're like 20 miles an hour. They go 20 miles an hour All right, 20 miles an hour. I have no idea. Well, it's got to be a couple thousand miles So then look you're cleaner than that in a couple months couple months, right? I finally get up there, right? Yeah And

I don't see anything. It's just snow Cold, right? You're freezing, right? And then like a couple of seals say Hey, get up. Let me go. You don't want to be around here. Oh, they're warning you. Yeah Wrong neighborhood. Yeah, it's like desolate. It's kind of like um West Virginia like the Appalachian mountains kind of vibe. Oh, you're mean crazy from around here I don't know what you're doing here. Right. What if the seals all have southern accents, right?

I don't know what you're doing here, boy. Right. You better go back to china Yeah, me unless you're here for a moonshine Right, right. And then we and I ignore them. You don't want to deal with the seals And I'm still like now the wound from my candy hitting me It's infected Yeah, my eye is no longer It's in fact, it's gone. Your eyes been eaten away by so infected. Yeah, the maggots and parasites, right? Yeah, but I still have the bandage out for some reason. I think that that that's gonna save it

Yeah, and your eye just keeps falling out of the socket, but you keep pushing it back And I see something ridiculous like to the fucking seals like You gotta have Antibiotics something crazy, you know, they're not gonna have antibiotics, right? Of course not and the eyes are out gone. We got moonshine, right? And I go Do you know where Anna lives? That's why I might know my mom's name. What's her name? Anna. I think you think it is. Yeah What do you think it is? They're like who you talking about Sheila? Oh, yeah, Sheila. Yeah, she live at top of that old hill up there. Yeah, okay. You got to trek up that hill. Thank you

No problem. Good luck But I also say I have to say can you just Point to exactly because I one of my eyes don't work Figure it out yourself and they jump in the water. They're so mean so they're fucking drunk these seals. Yeah Always blacked out. I get up there, right? And Sheila Is frozen salt? She's dead She's She's a fro she's frozen frozen salt in this gigantic ice cream. Oh, no

Yeah, and then right When you don't realize right is if this is a movie, right? We do like now a scene that happened in the past in the movie at this point We see this frozen fucking but Sheila frozen, right? It cuts to what I did in Canada I steal a gun Well, they don't have guns. They have guns. Yeah, okay. They have guns. Yeah. Yeah in the movie where they have guns Of course I do right so I pull out the gun Right. I stick it in my mouth. No. No, I thought you were gonna shoot the ice

What shoot the ice? I would end the movie like this. Oh, okay. You don't think so? I say shoot the ice What how about this? Why don't I let me give you my comedy version or let me let me kind of just say Let me hear yours. I'm not here. I'm going to tell you. I want you to do your comedy version Yours guns goes in your mouth I'm not saying that I'm going to pull the trigger, right? I'm just saying that this is a dramatic moment Right a little bit. I'm leaning against right this frozen polar bear up. Sheila my mom, right My eye is fucking gone, dude. It's gone. It's fucking infected. It's gone. I'm dead. What the fuck am I gonna do?

I don't have a ticket back to china, right? It all it's it's a disarray My dad is a fucking ass. I realized my mom's fucking dead. I mean, there's no fucking point to it all Yeah, right. So I stick the gun to my mouth, right? Panda, yeah, right And I click it It does it's so cold Like it the mechanisms jammed jammed, right? So you finish the movie So you start screaming

Ah, I don't want to be here anymore And and and it's a it's a it's a machine gun. Yeah, it was a handgun. I thought it was a machine gun All right. Yeah, and so no, it's a handgun shot. I saw it off shotgun No, it's a handgun. Okay. We'll go handgun handgun. Yeah. Yeah, and you're leaning against the ice and you go I don't want to be here anymore There's no bullets. Yeah, and you start smashing smashing it right against you on the back of the ice. Yeah Yeah, it's breaking. You're like, I don't like this life anymore. Everything is a fraud. Everyone's a lie. Yeah. Yeah. I hate everything. I hate it

And your mom Oh positive You saved my life What are you doing in my house? This is your house? Who are you? This mountain? I'm your son Remember you raw dog

Remember you rocked back in the war you rocked 20 years ago. Wow long Seven years ago. You rocked out that fucking high fucked a griffin bear. You got griffin back. Yeah I'm this And then you had me and then you left me there my son. Yeah. Why do you have a gun? Because my eye's gone and my dad dream is I was killed. No, no, no. Give me that gun. Yeah, and you give her the gun right? And then she turns it on you. That's great And it works now

It works now and she goes goodbye son. You're right And Could I just it hits the center of my right in the middle in middle right and the way it hits my head, right? It shatters every bone in my skull. Wow Wow, right it shatters every bone right and if some there's a the brains and the skull matter everything it just Like a pinata you hit a pinata all the can't right. Yeah, right and it freezes Right, right and this is my face, right? Right brain every brains right oh credits coming out

So It's just pan to know is the background Right, it's a film or you know, you know instead of doing that is I was thinking You know, imagine if this was a pitch meeting and universal What the fuck are you guys talking about? And we're like check it out. We're not we're not done But here's the second option

Then if you don't like the ending right it's a little dark I'm leaning against the thing right the gun doesn't work, right? Right And I whistle right and a unicorn Comes out of the forest right my eye, right? He'd rock out. He slips his leg like this in a beam of life goes That could be an alternate ending because refusing two movies it's a callback for the other movie It's two movies in a way. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So basically you want to buy it or you don't want to buy it Yeah, right, right. No, it's gonna. They're like get the get out. It's gonna one get out of our nose. I want to buy it Yeah, happy Halloween by the way. Happy Halloween

Rudy probably has a book report for us by now movie report. Oh you have a movie report Clockwork orange. Oh, did you watch the movie? Yeah, did she really or she lying? Get the fucking gum out of your mouth. She claims she did I did last night How long was the movie two hours two hours and a half? Yeah, that's probably right. Do you swear? I? Promise on Calila's life. Yes. That's insane to swear on her life. She did, huh? Okay, so tell us about the movie. So it's about There's this teenager named Alex and then he has a group called

Dugs Doogies wait droogs and then And then they go on this like really violent activities where they Rape put on your hand by the way because I want to make sure you're still Friday Cougar where they rape and like Beat people and then one time they went to this cat ladies house and then Alex killed the cat lady and Then he got caught and then he went to prison and then Alex wanted his Prison sentence to be shorter. So he agreed to do this

This experiment so he went to this hospital and the doctors did an Experiment for him because the government said that this experiment will turn the bad people to good people So they did that Alex was trapped in a chair and then he had to watch The these violent films and then after that he changed and the doctor said he was cured So every time he would try to do bad things He would feel sick and he would make No, he's this this sounds like the the plot for Geely the Ben Affleck

Are you sure that's not Geely? No, that's it. That is You did like it then Star Wars Star Wars is shit Star Wars is shit So what we just realized now is jewels Star Wars is shit. She is an art elitist She's an elitist and I love it and I love it and that's who she that's who she really is I think she is I think you're an elitist. I think you're an artist. Mm-hmm, right? Honestly, I like the violence and she likes violence. She likes violence. Look right into your camera into your one lens and say hey George Lucas Star Wars is shit. Go ahead. Hey George Lucas

Star Wars is shit. Wow You're never gonna work in this town again. Yeah Let me ask you this if they remade Clockwork Orange and then they cast you in there or They made a new Star Wars movie in which one would you do? Oh, and who would you play? But I only knew the

new hope You never seen any of the other ones. We told you about the other ones The first movie where Liam Nelson is in it. Liam Nelson. Liam Nelson. Yeah, Liam Full Nelson. I thought Liam Nelson was pretty good in that movie though. That's what I call them. Liam Full Nelson. Yeah, yeah What character would you play? The the one that looks like a monkey Fair fair. Yeah What about in Clockwork Orange? Let me ask you this that monkey. What's his?

What kind of creature is I mean what race is he? Filipino, right? No, that's not Filipino. What is he? I think he's more Persian-y like Turkish. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah No, what is he in the movie? I Don't know. He's a wookie. What's a wookie? Chewbacca is a wookie. Yep Okay, yeah, I think you should see the second Star Wars where Empire Strikes Back because it gets that's where he meets Yoda Yeah, yeah, you you kind of could be Yoda. I think you could relate to Yoda

He talks funny. Yeah, he speaks weird English same food same food Yeah, environmental most. Yeah, it food environment. I think you'll be like you're pretty close to a Yoda. Yeah You've never heard of Yoda? He's a green small thing Very good say no more say more no more you kind of talk like him, too Do you know what Jabba the Hutt is? Do you think Yoda was just foreign and he just it was like he just had broken English You know when they say he's like, oh, he talks in these beautiful like Backwards limericks, but really maybe he just was it's that sounds like every guy I've met that's like super foreign like Andres does that

Like what? Andres, he's like Andrew cards cards. I need where are they? All right Maybe Yoda was just from Spain and yeah, yeah people just were giving him a hard day Oh, he's so wise he's speaking in this weird language. You're like, I don't know man. It's me could it's been super fucking foreign And also, can I ask you this about Yoda is is that obviously he's a part of a race of types of people, right? Yeah, where where are they not only where are they but they have to fuck Well, I know I never thought about that fucking me you are Yeah, yeah, oh

My god. Yeah, they had to and you think they fuck outside of their race. Do you think Yoda's fuck? No, I mean he didn't want to no one's want no one wants to fuck them Yoda goes to wookies Yeah, and he and he's just like Yeah to fuck me I'm begging you Nobody's fucking Yoda. No fucking. Yeah, what race is Yoda? What is he even did they even say yeah in the new the new Wasn't the Manchurian what Mandarin Mandarin Manchurian candidate is the man sure what's it called Mandalorian? Did they get into Species whose to whose true name is not recorded

We don't even know we don't even know Why would that's so lazy so lazy right it right up a language? Yeah, right? It's maybe it's because it's kind of cool mysterious wise with mystery wise put a label on yeah Yeah, so you don't know what they are and by the way baby Yoda not as cute as they're making it out to be This is goes back to our own then this goes back to the squirrel conversations. Yeah, it's it I like I don't the behavior aside I don't think it's cute. See this thing go to baby Yoda a better photo of baby Yoda I'm gonna argue for him. Okay. I'm telling you okay Here's my biggest beef about baby Yoda that everybody thought was really cute. Okay

This cute right No, yeah, he go to the one right to the right. He's already balding as a brawl. He's balding It doesn't brawl nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with that when you're a baby Yeah, in fact that look at the fuzz on it has more hair than fucking Andrea Look at the fuzz. I don't first of all look at this look. Okay. Here's what I want to say about this thing Because we're just fighting for a sides for no reason These look at the pupils on this guy. He's been using Obviously he's fucked up. Yeah, you use it you try and look at and look at the wrinkles on its upper lip

You trust an aged baby that's been using all day. Yeah, maybe it's maybe he has progeria. Oh No, you know what progeria is. Oh, it's a disease that affects Very small amount of people and it makes you like a it makes like a six-year-old look like a 90-year-old Yeah, it's very sad baby Yoda baby Yoda. So cute. Oh, it's so cute right cute is this so cute By the way, I see you playing with the knives on there. Yeah, which couldn't be more appropriate for you But let me say this. Do you even know anything about Freddy Cougar? He's on nightmare. I know but do you know what does he do? Do you know anything about him like his character? He's on people's dreams or nightmares and he kills them. Yeah, but do you know anything about his past?

Oh, wow, he's probably my favorite. I know that's tough Jason Jason's so good. Jason's pretty good You know, I saw the best tweet today I don't even know who wrote it because I don't want to take credit But somebody goes they looked up the stats for Jason is six three Yeah, and he was like motherfucker had it all could have been a hooper, but wasted it on killing It was so funny. I was like, he's that tall cuz they had the heights listed. Yeah, he's a little stocky though Yeah, he's a big box out down below. Yeah, yeah, wait a minute. So it's let's go Freddy Cougar Jason Michael Michael Myers and Jason

Voorhees Voorhees, yeah, Freddy Cougar Jason Voorhees Michael Myers. Oh What? Hell Pinhead, but what's his what's that? I don't know they call him Pinhead. What was the movies Hellraiser Hellraiser hell Cuz I was looking for hell. Oh, I'll just have the creatures and when I first saw the Hellraiser So fucking dude was so weird. Have you ever seen Hellraiser? Look up the creatures and Hellraiser the original Hellraiser how scary there is this is a movie that came out in the early 80s I think I think I think it's a mid 80s. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

Dude, dude, look at the creatures not him. No go up to the top. Yeah, like that guy right there Yeah, that guy go down go down go down like that like the guy right there. Look at that guy. Look at that guy Go to the right go to the right now that one. No. Yeah, that one. I Mean, look at the guy to the right. That looks like guys from the comedy store that I see that's true Look go zoom in on the guy on the right. Yeah, the one on the left is scarier. Oh, you think so? No, the one on the right by far. It looks like a thumb. Yeah It looks like Steve Simone Who's that Celo is that Celo Green? Yeah

Maybe I'm crazy Yeah, that was a scary movie so fucking scary man because it dealt with not hell but like a fourth dimension Yeah, you're in another world. Yeah a different dimension of see that is the thing though It's got to be sold really well because look nightmare was great because it was in our real world Yeah, so was Jason. Yeah, okay, and so was Michael Myers. Yeah, but with this it was like Entering other worlds and they could easily come off as cheese down there. Good. Yeah, no where the other folks either go to the right Yeah, go to the right far right right that that one. I'm gonna see that one zoom zoom that in Wow, yeah, it's well, it's they're kind of like Marilyn Manson

Dude, you know, it's either it's either it's like Marilyn Manson meets Tim Burton. Yeah But back back when I saw that as a kid though I was just like imagine living in the suburbs. You don't watch it like this Well, also there was not much out like that like the horror movies in American horror movies. Yeah, weren't this good and gory. Yeah Yeah, dude, I saw a fucking movie a horror movie called VHS 94 I don't know that movie VHS 94. Yeah, there's I'm telling you right now There was a couple of there what what it is. It's a found footage VHS

Tape pretty much that you find in you know, it just came out. It just came out, right and See that guy the mad scientist that mad scientist. It's like they're little vignettes So they're like eight minute ten ten minutes VHS found footage in a row, right? They don't they're not really connected, right? Uh-huh, but they were so cleverly done and so freaky that thing is so good Where did you see it on shutter? What the fuck is shutter? Shutter's a streaming platform for four movies only Wow. Yeah Shutter. Yeah, how much is it a monthly fee or you just six seven bucks a month, right? You have to loan it to me

Yeah, is that Chelsea Peretti fucking please don't say that. No, it looks like her right there Yeah, look yeah, look like her for a second. So she's in one where she's like a news reporter So basically looks like a 1990s news reporter. Everything is supposed to be from 94 Yeah, and going into like these subways because there's a legend that there's like a rat a rat human that lives there Andres? Anyway, that was just something that I recommend Imagine Andres down in a subway and you're like, oh rat and he's like Yeah, I know that's fine And then he scurries away. Yeah. Yeah, I want to watch this looks good. I find by the way

I finally finished finished squid game like I had seen Six what you think and then I finished finished it. What'd you think? I'm gonna give my fast wrap up because we were already talked about squid game on the show before But here's the deal too many stories are being told at once not a fan of that way too many stories too many ancillary characters That you're like, why the fuck was that guy involved? It's not about him. Yeah, the ending also made me a little bit mad because The twist was cool, but then also elongated and a little like a draggy it was a little draggy Well, you know, no one's gonna be know when you're writing a show like that you can you're not gonna satisfy everyone

I think when people got really mad about Game of Thrones the end the last season of Game of Thrones You're ripping it apart. It's like I just it's just so difficult You know, it's just drug on just drug on a little bit too long to me. It didn't to me. It was like I Wish they do a part two Well, they're gonna do a part. Yeah, and I thought that in general the whole thing was it The the sets the squid dies by the way spoiler alert if anybody wants to know how Immaculate were the sets. Well, that's you dude, you know, you can buy the you can buy an alarm clock for your bed

That's um, yeah, yeah, how do you say red light green light in Korean? I don't know. That's so offensive You're your fucking history. You're offensive to me. Ask me a history of word for my hit from my fucking in Ireland Yeah, how do you say good morning in Ireland come on? Oh shit my bad. There you go. Yeah Okay, I should know mine then or ask me actually how do you say had a good morning in Ireland and Iris to ask me again How do you say have yeah, you having a good morning in Ireland have a drink? That's it Oh, you went for the stereotype. Have a drink and a smoke. There we go made original fight a fighter Yeah, I'm telling you And you can buy that alarm clock and I was gonna buy that for you

But you know what I you know why I didn't buy it for you I didn't get your birthday present. Not only did you not give me a birthday present You didn't even call me on my fucking birthday. Oh, what day was it? It was on Saturday. Don't get angry. Don't throw anything. It was on Saturday. Yeah, and guess who called you on my birthday me me to say hi our relationship isn't a tit for tat That's a fucking fact. Yeah Yeah, yeah, our relationship is not a tit for tat. All right. Yeah, it's a tat. It's tat and tat. Yeah, it's tat for tat It's half for it. No, it's half for tit shit. That's a shit. It's tit for shit tit for shit, right and

Um, the present that I got you is still being mailed From where I can't tell you it's a surprise. Yeah, can you? Yeah, make it up. No, I'm not gonna make something up What are you so angry about look at your face? I can tell the shift your face. You can't even see my eyes I know I could just see through it. I don't like it. Wait, can you see my eyes through here? Yeah, yeah fucking cheap glasses Yeah, so I could see your eyeballs, but let me say this. Yeah, I hope everybody has a happy Halloween. Yeah, I hope nobody Hey, nobody gets a razor blade in their candy Yeah No one does that by the way. They used to I don't I don't believe it

Yeah, you know what was scary one of the Tylenol scare when people were putting Tylenol in Candy no when they put cyanide in the time not Tylenol Yeah, so back in the Chicago area back in the early 80s. Yeah, some guy took 10 Because back then they didn't have the protective seal Right, right so you could open it up so you could buy Tylenol some guy and they were the capsules Yep, so you could undo the capsule dump it and some dude put cyanide in there That's so fucked up. It's so fucked up repackage it put it at pharmacies and grocery stores and whatnot, right?

so there's one family that like somebody died right and He died and so at the so he took a Tylenol in this house They didn't know what it was so when his family gathered for his morning at the house to the guests had headaches And they took the Tylenol and they died as well. How crazy is that that's so far? It's so fucked up and guess what? Huh? They never Lived again caught him. They never caught the cyanide Tylenol guy So he got a freebie

To freebie. No, he killed like six. I think what yeah six or seven people What kind of criminal would you be like that? Would you be a so that kind of psycho killer? I'm at a hands-on kind of a guy. So what would you you're you're killing like that? You're killing through the mail type of shit. No, I would like maybe put like How would I do it? I've thought about it. I've never thought about it. Have you thought about it? Yeah, okay, then what would you do? No, no, what would you do? I don't want to say it. Well, no, just hypothetically. Oh, right rice rice. Oh, yeah, yeah

No, I don't I would be I would do um, I Like it when the psychological thrillers are like When they like get into your waterline and they've put blood in the waterline Yeah, and you're in someone's in the shower and they're like And and they see bloods coming out of that Yeah, and then they go to go, you know get out of the house, but they can't get out of the house Yeah, you know and then I cut the power. Yeah, and then the and well, I don't know what his phone lines are anymore And I cut the phone lines. Yeah, I bust into their house. Yeah, right and they're like

And they're freaking out and then I'm like I'm just fucking kidding That's what you do and then I get out of there. Yeah You know what I would do and I turn around I would find a family. I don't know. I would find a family. Yeah. I had no one yuck I would find a family, right, huh? And I would know everything about the family routines when they go to job Right, I'll pick up their mail, right? I would move nearby, right? I would invent a machine. You'd buy property Yeah, that's a big big commitment. Yeah. Yeah. No, I'd rent

Yeah, but then they got to do credit check and all that stuff. It's fine. They're not gonna lose me so check it out, right? They don't I also invent something and what it is it just to hear me hear me out, right? It's a little mechanism, right that you put underneath the bed Okay, yeah, and if I call the number it releases it triggers it and what it does it puts out Valium smoke Into the rooms, right? So if there's a family of five or six people and living in a house, right? I would put one in every underneath them when they're out of town, right? I would sneak in, right? Yeah, and once I see everyone going in the house and all the lights going off

I would turn it on and they'd be feeling good. They'd be either passed out, right? You go inside and you kiss everyone on the forehead and then you leave Yep How'd you know? It's nice and sweet. Yeah, what would you do you little psychopath? I'd stalk and only pray on men and And okay except for men that you're friends with and know well, right? any that I

Would hate but like people that you work with you wouldn't stalk and kill I could but like people that you work with on a weekly basis That you know are like family to you you wouldn't right? No, it's fine. No, it's fine. You would I would Wait, I'm not yet done. Okay. What about guys you live with would you kill people that men that you live with? right and then when I stalk them I would like Sedate them or like put something in their drinks for them to sleep

Oh, and then I put them in like the basement or if in the house of the Bobby, maybe in the garage Yeah, and then I would tie like maybe like six or Eight men together. We all get tied up together. Yeah, and then what happens? And then While they're asleep, I would put fireworks in their butts Like I made these explosives. Yeah. Yeah, and then Which which could I just do some guys get more explosives than others in their butt? Yeah, I hate them more Okay, so like I would get maybe one and Bobby would get

Honestly, how many explosives will I get in my pot? I didn't say you would be in it How many explosives do I get in my butt? Maybe you'd get One and a half one and a half. What is about how much in Bobby? Yeah, I Get five it close to okay. I'm a Pete No, I don't want Pete in it and Andres. Why the fuck do they just play play it out. They get to live Yeah, let's play it out. Oh, play it out. Yeah, so I'm tied up I got one and a half explosives in my butthole. You've got are we naked? I don't want to see your

Dicks, so you cut our dicks off. No, like I just cut a hole on your pants in my butt or or you could just stick the fucking No, I want it. I want it inside, right? You could stick it in my butt and put my pants back on She doesn't want to have to take off your pants. No Scissors cuts a hole you'd rather a hole. Yeah, that makes it my really fancy like rod denim pants Yeah, one that a homeless guy wore for a week. Yeah. Yeah, okay, so and then what would you let them all at the same time? Yeah, and I just record you. Okay. Can I just say this? I don't think that would necessarily kill me No, but an M80 in your butthole five of them It's fucking explosives. I know but still it's like I could still be torso guy

It would rip your body open. Yeah, just the bottom half. I'm still torso guy from then on Bobby I'll do the special Olympics. You remember what do you remember in our polar bear film? Yeah, when your headaches like breath every bone in your brain and your head. Yeah, same thing with your butt I know my butt, but still your whole body your whole black your whole middle your guts would spill out you'd be gone But okay, can you see one? She doesn't know you just do one. That's why she put it in our butt I get five. He's not gonna die. You put one in his body because I need to experiment. She wants to know who get who All right, so I'm absolutely dead All right, I'm you know, you know this. I'm fucking dead man. Yeah, yeah, but

But I might be crawling around on my torso. Yeah I do something else. What are you gonna do fuck? See I'd rather be dead. No, no, what is it gonna do? This is what I like so my throat. So he's gone. I'm torso guy and I'm like Moving around like a little bitch you would plead for your life, right the whole time. Yeah, what would you say? I go Rudy, please. I'll do anything. Don't call her by a fiction only you probably call her by a real name. Oh, yeah Please I'll do anything that you want, please. And then what do you do? I want to carve

Something in his stomach or face. Oh, oh you can do some artwork gonna make me a pumpkin. Yeah. Yeah, what do you call it like a message? Yeah, or just like a design. Oh a design like you're gonna make art. I'm so I'm art now Yeah, like and you're gonna put me like a son or what? Yeah, like with a knife. Oh That must hurt. Are you gonna eventually kill me? No, you're gonna let me slowly die. Yeah. Yeah Okay, and then how are you gonna get away with I'm okay if I get caught holy fuck That's crazy a plan. No, but by the way, that's more scary to me. Someone that's like, I'm okay that guy get caught That's scary pretty scary. Yeah. Well, you're gonna move out I'm not gonna do it. Yeah, sounds like it. She's not gonna do it

Well, happy Halloween. I want you to look into your camera and And do the most creepy voice of thank you for for being a bad friend as creepy as you can No, thank you for being a bad friend Didn't I say thank you for being thank you for being a bad friend and that's all it's not creepy I don't know how we're not going until you do it. Yeah, that's true. Okay, so brown your voice get some Something fucking creepy something Thank you for being a bad friend All right, you do yours into your camera, and I'll do mine. Go you do your creepiest

Wow, Andres, let's hear yours. Thank you for being a bad friend Just like a Spanish guy with a smoke. Yeah, Pete Thank you for being a bad friend pretty good rapist rapist. Yeah And here's mine. Yeah, ready? Yeah Thank you for being a bad friend Old-timing pretty good Yeah, do you know do you know do you know that our dearest Pedro Andres is taking his citizenship test That's amazing, and he needs to become a citizen. That's incredible and and and he

He needs our help. I do and no seriously though. He is literally trying to not so here are the bad friends, you know We have an illegal here. Yeah, well. Hey. Hey, maybe two Okay, got a couple legal. Yeah, maybe. Yeah. Yeah, and one of them is gonna be said naturalized, right? You're gonna denounce your citizenship of Spain. You're gonna become an American citizen, right? Yeah, and by a gun by a gun So this guy wants to take a citizenship citizenship test I can't even say it and we are we gonna help you study. What is it? What do you want us to do to help you get through it? I was hoping you guys could give me the answers Okay, let's see. I think we know I bet you we know some of the answers. I'm an American man. Rudy. Do you know some of this stuff?

All right, pull your pull the mic closer Rudy, so I don't know the first one. I'm fucked. All right, Rudy Who wrote the Declaration of Independence? George Washington John Adams John Hancock John Adams Thomas Jefferson Thomas Jefferson. Who said that? Fancy. I've been studying a little bit. Wait a minute. Do you have to do you not know the answers to these? Yeah, what is one promise when you make when you become a United States citizen? You You risk your life

For the country for the country. Is that your answer? Yeah, what is one promise you make when you become a United States citizen? To vote for Trump when he runs on a second term, maybe I think that's it. What do you think? You can You can Buy a gun you can buy a gun. Okay. What is it fans? You have to Reject your loyalty to other country. Oh And you better and you better who is the president during World War one? I Don't think you know when somebody says when you know when somebody says go back to your country. Yeah, where do we go?

What does the president's cabinet do other than hold it's China?