Bad Friends - Talking Limericks with Louie

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Starting point is 00:00:25 You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? I'm an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. You're bad friends. How about you? Do you go to therapy, Carlos? Weekly.

Starting point is 00:00:40 You do? Yeah, for seven years. Oh, wow. Yeah. What did your therapist say? He must have had like no pad over. You know, one of those scientists, you know, those like, yeah, like FBI, CIA, you know what I mean, boards? Connected the dots.

Starting point is 00:00:53 Yeah. No, it's a hot girl. And she gives me Molly. That's not a therapist. It's a stripper you're seeing. Right. This is a sticker for where I go. It's a large mom.

Starting point is 00:01:02 Fantastic therapy. What is it called? California what? Center for psychedelic therapy. Oh my God. Yeah. It's great. That's so embarrassing.

Starting point is 00:01:11 So what? You did Austin then he needed Vegas? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I went to a game in Austin, hung my family, then Vegas for a wedding. In Austin, what else did you do there? You're not giving us the details. I know.

Starting point is 00:01:21 There's things going on in your life, and we want to know. Well, I did match with a girl recently. Yeah. And it was the girl that. we brought on stage in Houston. Ooh. I don't remember her. I don't remember her either.

Starting point is 00:01:34 She's kind of Asian-y. Ah. And like, yeah, but like, it's like 80% white, 20% Asian. Oh, that's a good, that's a good mix. That's a good mix. That's a good mix. 80, white, 20, so a little Asian. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:01:46 Yeah. What does it show? Just the eyes are not completely, you know, there's an angle to them. Right. Like a sharp, like a sharp. Yeah. Like when the eyes are not. eyes were being developed in the wound, the Asian.

Starting point is 00:02:02 You say in the wound? Womb. It's womb. Carlos for years thought it was the wound. It's inside your wound. Yeah. That's a vagina, Carlos. It's a wound.

Starting point is 00:02:11 I've heard it goes inside your wound. But you, she, you follow her, Bobby. I do? Yeah, it's Marissa. Tomé? Oh, no, I know who you're talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And did you link up?

Starting point is 00:02:24 Bring her up on the thing so I can see what she looks like. We're not going to pull up her name, her last name. Uh, no, she ghosted me and then... Exactly. No, but she followed me on Instagram, so we're doing okay. Okay. You're getting ghosted a lot lately? What's going on?

Starting point is 00:02:37 Yeah, it's all the numbers game. Yes, I remember at the show. Yeah. I now remember. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My dad became. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. He's cute.

Starting point is 00:02:49 Yeah, she's cute. So you, she ghosted you? She ghosted me, but then I think she responded because it was easy because I was already back in L.A. Ah. Oh, she waited to New York until she, She knew she were gone. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:02:59 Smart girl. It is smart. Yeah. So I'm going to try and trap her into a date in Austin. Yeah. I think we should move to the Midwest. Where do you want to go? It's a better dating pool.

Starting point is 00:03:09 Oh, it is for sure. Yeah. Every day I go on here is just like, you want to listen to my EP? No! It's not good. It's never good. They don't say EP anymore. Oh, whatever.

Starting point is 00:03:19 Oh, do you want to see my paintings? It's never good. What do they say if they don't say EP? What do you mean? They say, yeah, EP. It would be like, go to my like, SoundCloud or whatever. it wouldn't be like here's like a record well I bet you some of the east side girls probably are like

Starting point is 00:03:33 yeah the east side girls might press the record they press it dude I didn't know they were pressing yeah yeah yeah yeah I'm sorry Eagle rock girls come on dude they'd be pressing they'd be pressing they absolutely be pressing my yeah I mean that's okay so that's the prototype of I think who would I want to marry oh you mean really hot yeah yeah yeah hot really hot notice nothing about your past this has always been your you the mix Asian things

Starting point is 00:03:58 is your key. That's your key demo. I've dated. You've seen, you've met. I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what you love the most. It's, I love it. Yeah, because Kalila was mixed. Yeah. Yeah. Um, other girls were mixed. Other girls that mixed, you know, I dated some mixies. Yeah, yeah, because full is a lot. It's too much. Well, it's heavy. Yeah. What do you mean? It's heavy. It's heavy. Because if you go meet parents and they're both whites. Yeah. That's a lot of defense you got to play. I know. But if one of them is part of your lineage in any way. Yeah. If you got like the Asian dad, you're like,

Starting point is 00:04:27 How are you doing? Yeah. You know, like, at least you got a little in. But if it's two whites, that's a lot of danger. Also, there's bullying going on because, like, I remember when I was dating Sarah Highland, she was from Louisville, Kentucky. Our favorite. And we went one dinner.

Starting point is 00:04:41 One dinner, I came to the dinner, family dinner. Everyone was wearing kimonos. Well, that's respectful. They were. That's respectful. And then they had a tight Hello Kitty shirt for me. So I put it on. It was really, everyone laughed.

Starting point is 00:04:54 That's cute. It is cute, right? But it's like, it would have been nice if there was another Asian there. Yeah. Oh, you're the only one. I was the only one. They should have brought another one in.

Starting point is 00:05:03 Yeah. Just hire one just to be there. And when the grandmother, her grandmother didn't really like me that much. Yeah. But I did a little Asian thing. I have Asian techniques for them to like me. I went to the grand piano and I started playing.

Starting point is 00:05:16 Because I knew she was in the living room. And then I can see her starting to like me. Right. You got to bring, you either do that or do your taekwondo or something. You have to tell them you have Asian skills, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get your abacus out of your car. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:05:29 Yeah. Wait till you see. Yeah. Dude, I was at the wedding last night. My good buddy. What a fun, little beautiful wedding. Can I ask you what skaters were there? Yes.

Starting point is 00:05:40 No, it was. Of course there's a skaters, because Sean is a phenomenal skater. Eric Koston's one of his closest friends. Frosty. He's always around. Yeah. Are you nice? Because I have an Eric Koston story.

Starting point is 00:05:50 We know each other. I know if Kost, I played golf of them a few times. Oh, you up? Yeah, why you don't like Eric? Long, long time ago, I went to a skis skate party. Rout row. What did you do?

Starting point is 00:05:58 What did you do? Nothing. And I met, someone tried to introduce me to him and he was really cold. To you. To me. And I remember walking away

Starting point is 00:06:06 from that going, I hate that guy. It's one of the best. But back then, I don't know. Maybe it was because I'm, I'm a weird guy. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:06:14 You are very weird. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I come to a party, you know, shifty, you know. Yeah, a little shifty.

Starting point is 00:06:20 I'm a shifty little guy. Yeah. But I remember coming out of the, what? It's very urban. like crack hetty. Yeah, I was like, what's that, man? Right, very fend-her skates.

Starting point is 00:06:29 Yeah, that is crack. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nolly, huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Switch, switch, switch. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Laser flips, dude, you love them? Hard flip, dog.

Starting point is 00:06:39 Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, like, I think maybe it was my shifty vibe. Yeah. But, you know, sometimes you meet somebody and, you know, you don't know what people are going through. You're right, you don't know what he's... You don't know, but I always take it personally. And I walk away from them going,

Starting point is 00:06:51 I need revenge. Yeah, I mean, I write down what I'm going to do. Because you want to be worshipped. That's right. Praise, worship. That's what the boy needs. No, I want to be treated like a human being, dude. Not true.

Starting point is 00:07:02 I want to be acknowledged as a human being. Like a normal celebrity. No, no, no. What I'm saying is that... Ooh. Oh, that hurt. Gearing him up. Yeah, you got me geared up, dad.

Starting point is 00:07:11 You're gearing him up, dude. I know that's why you want to go to the Midwest, too. Less competition with celebrity. Ooh, he's getting geared up. I think that too, though. I know what you're thinking. Gearing up the bobo. I'm on Raya, right?

Starting point is 00:07:22 Yep. And a girl's on Raya. Bradley Cooper. Bobby Lee, which one? Carlos. Oh yeah, you're on there too. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:07:30 I gotta say, I think Bradley. Just honest. Yeah, I think Bradley. Honest guess. Yeah. Honest guess. No, yeah, there was a bunch of cool skaters there. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:07:42 Just guys that, like, I grew up, like, loving from when I was, it's just such a weird. It's awesome. It's a weird thing to be friends with guys that you're like, you know. You know, and it was an awesome wedding. It was fucking beautiful. Everyone was so rad and nice because, you know, like, we don't, I don't know. I don't know his family that well. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:07:57 So it was really nice. What's the mix of the family? What do you mean? What is he? Ooh, interesting. Filipino? I don't know. I'm not going to tell you.

Starting point is 00:08:03 Oh. Yeah. There's some mix, though. There is a mix. Yeah, a brown. He's not a fully. Yeah, there's a brownie. There's some brown in there.

Starting point is 00:08:11 No? Mm-hmm. What do you speak so mysterious about? I don't know. Okay. Yeah, there's a mix. There's a mix. There's a mixed family.

Starting point is 00:08:19 Yeah. It was rad, though. And everyone was super fucking cool to us and very nice, and it was a beautiful wedding venue. It was one of those moments where you're like, and you know what's so funny about skater weddings is that you know no matter what you wear, you're good. Because everyone's wearing cool shit.

Starting point is 00:08:33 Like there isn't this weird expectation for like anybody to like go out of their way to be like, I got to make sure. It's like, no, they just want you to look cool, be casual and have a little bit of have a little bit of... Let me say something right now. If I have a wedding, dress up. No, no, they did. You know, I'm saying this incorrectly.

Starting point is 00:08:50 I understand. Let me guess. What I'm trying to say is like the vibe. was very like... No tuxedus. It was like cool clothes. It was like how Ron Howard dresses. Right? Like when he's like a suit, but a t-shirt and a ball cap. Ron Howard style. It was like skaters. They all have great style. So it was just like cool. Like this one dude had a fucking super wild green suit on. It looked so sick. Oh. Like some dudes had just the dopest gear. I was like and also wearing vans like rocking vans. Yeah, they dress so good. They just have good skaters have the best fucking style dude. They do. They just have like this vibe of like they pull. it off. It looks well to do and then still casual as fuck but it's still dressy.

Starting point is 00:09:30 Yeah. Like this dude Cole from Metalwood he had this just dope-ass purple suit on and I was like this motherfucker. It was so like dumb and dumber. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It just looked so fly. I wore a traditional black suit so I just, that's all I wear to weddings.

Starting point is 00:09:45 Yeah. I only wear black. You look good. Just black. Well, because look at this. I can't, what color are you going to? Malto is like colors are option? What color do you want to do? Do you like a bright color? I was like, it's going to be black, bud. I can't wear, look at this. I have to go to Jimmy out. You know, that, this is suits for five foot four or less on Ventura?

Starting point is 00:10:04 I have to go there now. And whenever I'm there, they're like, yeah, Seth Green just came in. Like all the smaller actors. You know what I mean? Brad Williams just picked up three suits. Tom Cruise. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:10:17 See what it's called. Joe Pesci, Petino, Elijah Wood, Tom Cruise, Kevin Hart, brother, you're Michael J. Fox. You are in good, you're in good company. They all go to that Jimmy Ows place. Jimmy Ows, short, what's it called? See what that place is called? Because I love the guy, because he's always there.

Starting point is 00:10:32 What is it, big and tall? Is it small and short? Jimmy Ow, small and shorts? Dave Franco. A lot of guys that are under 5'8. No. How about suits, five foot four or less, Sherman Oaks. So funny.

Starting point is 00:10:51 No tailoring needed. Yeah. Hello? Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello, Uncle Louie. Are you being real? I brought you five cheeseburgers. Thank you. Wow. Did you really go to Bob's big one? Wow. Let him sit in that blue chair. Louis. Louis. Wow, Louis, this is, this is extravagant. Yeah, so I kind of a fuck-up story because I wanted a cheeseburger. Yeah. So you brought five of them? that's it yeah no I was I was looking for I don't know like an out or something yeah I was kind of in a hurry and I needed I because I need to eat before a certain hour I wake up in a cold sweat if I eat too late so did you eat so so I went into Bob's I was like oh this is like a

Starting point is 00:11:40 family burger like cool right so I go in and I said and I pictured coming here with a bag a paper bag full of burgers yeah and just going here everybody have some burgers and I sat down and I ate Bob's Big Burger and it was really disgusting and I got a vanilla shake but I had a paper straw so I couldn't drink it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they gave me the burgers in this fucking horrible. I thought I wanted it to be like an old-fashioned

Starting point is 00:12:06 like cops. Yeah. Is it as bad as I mine was? Yeah, they're bad. Louis, can I eat it later? Once you leave? Can I eat it once you leave? The whole thing was a mistake. He has three over there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, he will eat those.

Starting point is 00:12:22 I'm on Ozympic. Oh, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that being Ozympic is like being kosher or something. Yeah. It is. I mean, he did throw up for the first, like, two weeks he was on it. It was tough.

Starting point is 00:12:34 No, I had to switch from Ozimic to Wigovi. We're on Wagovi. I'm on Wagovi now. You don't do that shit. You would never. Never. Fuck that. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:12:43 I don't know. I would if it was a good idea, but I don't. It's not a good idea. It's terrible. I think it's, I think you're going to die from that. You really do? No, I don't, of course, not. An asshole.

Starting point is 00:12:52 No, I don't like, I get nervous about things like that going, you know, that change how you feel or that change you neurologically. Oh, neurologic. And also I like the fight I'm in with weight and stuff. Yeah, yeah. Like it. It's something to lean against, you know. I think you lost weight, no?

Starting point is 00:13:10 Oh. Oh, thank. Dude, he was doing, you know, he was setting us up. That's all he wanted to say. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You look so slender. Yeah. Well, I've been working out and eating more.

Starting point is 00:13:20 Oh, that's good. Good. Yeah, yeah. Eating. When you do, when you separate, you start working out more and eating less, you're really hurting yourself. Mmm. So I'm just going like a more exercise. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:13:31 So let's lay it on. What's the one exercise that you actually enjoy? Because none of them are that enjoyable. I kind of like the way it all feels. You do? Yeah. Fuck, I don't know. I can't get through it lately.

Starting point is 00:13:43 I guess maybe it's also the depression exercise is like I'm doing it because I know I need to do it. Oh yeah, no, yeah. Not because I want to do it. Oh, you. 42. Yeah, I mean, it just starts to change. I'm 58, it starts to change. Yeah? Yeah. What happens? You start feeling different. I mean, you just sort of like get philosophical about it and you go like, I like, I like the way it feels when my body heats up because I'm going on like uphill treadmill or whatever I'm stair master. And if I don't want to do it, I just don't do it. I never do it if I don't want to. See, I do that all the time. And I'm starting to eat whatever I want. And what do we, what do you mean? It doesn't matter. Just eat it because somebody is explaining this to me. me that if you prohibit you're in this constant tension that you then have to binge to release but if you just go like whatever I want I'm going to eat it when I want it what happens is

Starting point is 00:14:33 your body goes like that fucking hurt that actually hurt that was not a good idea and then that memory makes you go oh yeah I don't want that this time I want less things than I used to you know yeah you get hunger pains at night no you don't you wait he's still thinking about the old world What I'm saying is, is that late at night, sometimes I'm like, should I get a sandwich? No, well, here's the difference. You're not explaining. He stays up all night, so he'll be up at four or five, and it's now been seven hours. It's important to me to go to sleep and stay asleep.

Starting point is 00:15:03 So if I eat too close to bedtime, I wake up at like three in the morning and it's wet. Oh, I see. Body's trying to digest. You think it's a white thing? Excuse me for saying. Well, white versus you? You mean white in a way that you're not? I think our bodies are different, that's all.

Starting point is 00:15:24 They are, that's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, but you stay up all night. Yeah, I do. But because I, you know, I'm, uh, an Asian thing or? I think it's an Asian thing. Are you Korean? Whoa.

Starting point is 00:15:33 I don't know anything. Yeah, yeah, that's a good guess. Thank you. Yeah. Because when white people guess, they never get it right. You could be Chinese. Yeah. Could I be?

Starting point is 00:15:43 I almost said you could have Chinese. Yeah. You could have Chinese. But that was a really good guess. Korean, yeah. It's like four. I mean, there's a punch. There's Thai, Cambodia.

Starting point is 00:15:55 I know, I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. That was really good. You have a gong, so it's fair to talk about this. That's right. Yeah, yeah. Right?

Starting point is 00:16:03 You have a gong and a fortune cat. You have a fortune cat? Yeah, yeah, yeah. His father made this before he died. That's why we, this is an homage to his father. Really? Yeah, no, but. Did you make it as a weapon or?

Starting point is 00:16:14 Yeah. We think about it every time. We, when we, this is when we remind. Yeah. He feels his father. to bring that to it's fucking weird if you wanted a good burger you should have text us we would have told you where to go yeah that's not that's not where I really regret it yeah that sucks there's so many good burgers too you single right now

Starting point is 00:16:32 Louis no oh you're seeing somebody um yeah I'm with somebody very much oh very good very in love with oh that's great yeah somebody I want to be with wow he's looking for love no what I'm saying is is that I was curious does does Louis ever date Asians? Have you ever dated an Asian in your life? Yes. Oh, good. Very good. I dated a Korean woman for a little while young. And what did you, what was that experience? Because I've been dating a Korean woman for six years now. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And so you are Korean. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's why you got it right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I thought. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, one thing, because she told me the woman I dated told me she I asked her what's your last name and she was like I mean guess you're

Starting point is 00:17:25 going to get it in two guesses all right because it's like lee or park it's true like it's only one of those there's some chos chose there's some chos yeah he's envious of a couple chos that's what what was it like so she was I really liked her very much she was cool and she was she was she had an interesting she was a different she talked about being Korean without my asking her you know it was part of her. She said that it was, um, there wasn't many. Also, she was Korean of my generation. There was nobody. She was like in a desert of Koreans and her raised in New Jersey. And she said that she had like two friends and they are still very close because they felt very isolated. Yeah. Just wasn't many people from their culture. Same with him. But she told me interesting things like that

Starting point is 00:18:12 when Korean people say, hello, they say, uh, when have you eaten? Or is like to say, have you eaten? Yeah. That's how you doing. What is that? Your mom says that when we see her? Peckoppa? Begoppa? Begoppa. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:18:26 Are you hungry? Yeah, yeah. And then pebolo is I'm hungry. I'm full. I'm full. Yeah, yeah. And I know gochu, which is penis. Donkomok which is butthole.

Starting point is 00:18:35 Jut, which is tit. Boji pussy. That's all I know. That's all I know. That's all I know. Plural for tit, you can only say. Yeah, bojee. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:18:45 Bojee bojee. Yeah, yeah. Bojee boo. That's like titty-titty. Yeah, yeah. And then here's another thing. I learned, um, juk-juk. No.

Starting point is 00:18:55 Yeah, no, let me finish. Ugh. What? Go, go, go. You know what juk-juk is? Yeah, isn't that jizz? No, no, chuk-juk isn't jiz. I'm trying to start a Korean car.

Starting point is 00:19:05 Juk-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-slaning for sex. So I asked a Korean guy, I go, what, I've never, like, why jukechchch-he? He goes, that's what? what sex sound like. Juk, chuk, chuk. Lots of pussy farts and crows. Yeah, I guess they're queefing a lot over there, you know, I mean, but yeah. They are.

Starting point is 00:19:27 Yeah, I've never heard juke, juk, juk when I'm having sex. No. Well, I always hear a Korean guy in the room like, juk, chook. Yeah. Sitting in the cock chair. Factor. Fall always feels like a reset between back to school, busier routines, and shorter days.

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Starting point is 00:23:03 And big thanks to Bluchu for sponsoring the podcast. Yeah. So you're in love. That's great. Yes. That's great. She's awesome. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:23:12 Is there limerance involved? No, I don't think so. Oh, really? I mean, both of us are single. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But is there, is there one person more like, you know what I mean, obsessed with the other person? No, I think we feel, we feel pretty equal. Whoa.

Starting point is 00:23:27 And it's nice, you know, like, uh, I, I heard somebody talking once about like, you know, I don't want to be the kind of guy who picks girls up at the airport. Like that's, I heard that said is a bad thing. Hmm. Picking them up at the airport. Right. and I've picked her up at the airport you like her

Starting point is 00:23:44 that one time I was coming home and she goes hey I could pick you up at the airport I'm like you don't have to and she said can I please pick you up at the airport and I was like good we're equal we're met oh it depends on what airport to be honest I mean that is a big piece of it what you it depends on the airport I mean like oh for sure my wife has never

Starting point is 00:24:00 never I mean I but I don't I would it's such an annoyance I like I don't even want her to because I'm pissed off when I get to the airport Or she's going to show up annoyed. It's like, I'd rather you just be chill at home. Yeah. Yeah, because I, yeah. I don't like it when they don't do the full thing.

Starting point is 00:24:17 What do you mean? What? Let me finish. All right. Let me finish. He speaks in limericks. Let me finish, okay, all right? Kalila, my ex-girlfriend, she goes, I'll pick you up from the airport, right?

Starting point is 00:24:30 But when I would land, she wouldn't be there. And she's like, I'm stuck in traffic. No-go. You're right, right. Be at the, when the escalars go down, where the baggage, claim is you want to be there with a sign all right and then sometimes it's like come to the parking lot because I'm not going to go in you just have to find my car no fuck you no yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I think it's fair thank you yeah I mean well I'm just being polite yeah yeah I just I just I'm

Starting point is 00:25:01 doing my best to travel better now to have a better attitude because it's such a nightmare when you get yeah but that's why whenever she used to do it when we were younger and broke she was like you know you can get a fucking cap yeah like you make money out when yeah but you're married yeah but i'm saying before we were married when we were dating she was like get a fucking cap i'm saying how long you've been married for almost 10 fantastic yeah you've kids no kids can't have kids no she's got a penis no okay i don't know no she doesn't is it worth it what having children

Starting point is 00:25:41 you have some I have two yeah that's two that's some I think some is three or more do really a couple is two some is three

Starting point is 00:25:51 wow it's some three I think some it's like a series is three or more it's crazy to teach an Asian math that's like the wildest shit

Starting point is 00:25:57 yeah yeah a couple is two some is three it's more cultural social math yeah okay he's bad at all of them sure yeah okay so that you have

Starting point is 00:26:05 um A couple. I have two people. What? It's worth it. I think anybody who's on the fence about it should just do it. Really? It's never a mistake.

Starting point is 00:26:16 It's impossible for it to be a mistake. Okay. The person. Yeah. For whatever it happens. Wow. Well, your kids are grown, like grown, grown, right? 20 and 23.

Starting point is 00:26:26 Wow. Wow. Out of college, any of them? College, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's fucking great. Because I remember your first HBO special,

Starting point is 00:26:35 the half hour. I think that was your first, right, on HBO or no. I did one back in the 90s that was just goofy jokes. But the one I did that was a half hour. You talked about your kids and stuff. Yeah, that was a great special. Thanks. Amazing.

Starting point is 00:26:47 Thank you. You know, I met you. I don't remember when I met you. I think I brought it up the last time I saw you is on Matt TV with Lord Browski. I remember. You don't remember meeting me. I do because my friend Dino wrote for you guys. Oh, yeah, Dina.

Starting point is 00:27:02 And I was on the lot doing something else. I don't remember. Maybe Cedric. The Entertainer's show. Yeah, and that's right, that's right. And so, yeah, I do. I used to see you around. I didn't really, we didn't, like, hang out.

Starting point is 00:27:11 Hang out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you write for Cedric's show? I did. You did? Cedric the Entertainer presents. Pretty great, mom. You wrote on that show.

Starting point is 00:27:19 I was a writer and co-executive producer, yeah. Wow. Give us some good said bits. Cedric? Yeah. I mean, Cedric was like Jackie Gleason. He was like a great performer. He's fascinating.

Starting point is 00:27:31 He's so fascinating. Yeah. He really, like, and now, because now he's on like a, like a traditional sitcom, and it's massively popular, right? Yes. Neighbor, the neighbor? Something like that. Yeah, I'd never seen it.

Starting point is 00:27:43 That's still there? That's still going on? Oh, it's got to be. Those network shows, they'll just, they keep riding. He was one of the most natural performers I ever worked with. That guy could make anything funny. Fucking eight seasons, that thing. Wow.

Starting point is 00:27:55 We had this bit that I wrote called Texas versus Maine, and it was some like local access cable show in Texas that he's, and he's a Texan. And it's about how much better Texas is than Maine, and he hates Maine. And he does this kind of like, kind of like, what's his name, the cartoon character with the cowboy hat. I know, I can't think of his fucking name.

Starting point is 00:28:19 Yeah, yeah. Yosemite Sam. Yosemite Sam, he just sort of an impression to him. And I used to love watching him do it. He was really something. He had a good guy too, like really good guy. Yeah. You haven't talked to him in years.

Starting point is 00:28:33 Oh, I haven't? No. You haven't talked I can tell I can tell It's been a few years Well because you're talking about him In past tense

Starting point is 00:28:42 Like he died Like he died Yeah Yeah Yeah No we just still We didn't We didn't stay friends

Starting point is 00:28:46 I mean not Not actively But I'm always happy When I do see him I said Yeah Do you hug him or no Because that

Starting point is 00:28:55 That tells me a lot I don't think you're a hug We hug You do? Yeah Okay good I mean when I saw you They don't tell

Starting point is 00:29:00 You gave me a side hug That was very fruitful Yeah Yeah I'll tell you I'll tell you the best thing that warm my heart, you said to me, this was great. This is probably the best piece of advice

Starting point is 00:29:10 I've gotten from someone. We were at the cellar and we were in the fat black lounge. And you were in the hallway and you're like, that was really good. When I got off stage, I said, oh, thank you, man. And you go, that's family stuff. That's great. And I go, yeah, oh, thank you.

Starting point is 00:29:25 And you go, that other stuff, get rid of that. And I was like, okay. And you go, the family said, that was good. And I go, right, right. And you go, but the other stuff. No, he didn't. Yes, he did. Yes, he did.

Starting point is 00:29:36 Yeah, he did. You did? In a joky way. No, I meant. No. It was fucking great. Oh, you did? I saw him at the Fat Black.

Starting point is 00:29:46 I had never seen him. I've seen clips of you guys together and stuff. Yeah. And so I was just watching him and he was doing this stuff about his family. And he was doing a really smart bit about if you, about how you can, about resentment towards his parents and that later when they become weaker you start controlling their lives you can get revenge on them and it sounded really like the feelings felt real yeah and that was really engaging and then he talked about if you really want to get back at people that age give

Starting point is 00:30:18 them Bluetooth for presents like Bluetooth items yeah yeah and uh and it was a great bit and then he started doing some about Trump and the those issues that you know yeah it's like I just I just went away and that's how I feel about most people he's as good I think I said you're as good as anybody while you're talking about your family you're as good as anyone like really great

Starting point is 00:30:42 and then the other things you sound like everyone right you sound just like everyone else because this thing my take on that you know everyone's trapped in like four issues for like since 2016 yeah

Starting point is 00:30:57 Trump transblooded a it's just the same fucking stuff and here's my take on the woke this it's just so boring yeah and uh and everyone takes a shot on on twitter and on the podcasts we all do it so on stage it's like why why you can fashion a great you know no one has your family no one has your voice you know it's totally interesting to watch somebody you can tell where they're you know and where they're coming from uh ethnically where they're coming from in where they're in their kind of family they had That's, I'll listen to that all day. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:31:32 Can I ask you? It was awesome. I loved it. Can I ask you a question? Yeah, you don't have to ask, course. I'm on your show. I know, but can I ask you one? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:31:42 Okay. So, um, no, this is the way, because I want to be real for a second. Sure. I'm not listening. Okay, so, um, I've always been obsessed about killing. Uh-huh. So I'm not as prolific. Okay.

Starting point is 00:31:59 right yeah i understand that yeah and i haven't changed my i mean right now i'm doing a special for hulu so i'm trying to come up with new stuff but my point is is that i'm so afraid of not killing that i i i've been i'm in a fucking rut i totally because of that fear yeah you know i mean and it's like i know that there's more that i can do i know there's more that i can say and i just don't do it because i hate bombing you know i mean and it's like i just know that i'm not growing And I know that, you know, I mean, you're so, you're very prolific. I can say that. Yes, I am.

Starting point is 00:32:35 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, you're one of those comics that, like, if you're performing, like, all the comics will run into the room to watch you. When I perform, they fucking leave. They're fucking fire. They do, they do. The whole background. None of that matters.

Starting point is 00:32:49 Okay. Fuck the other comedians. That's not your audience. Okay. You're not doing this for them. Yeah. Who am I doing it for? They're just, their competition and their colleagues.

Starting point is 00:32:57 They're just people that also do what you do. Okay. It has nothing to do with them. Yeah. How do I get over with this rut, though? Yeah, what you're describing is a very important thing, and it's a very vulnerable place to be. You know exactly what you have to do. Your problem is your solution's right in front of you.

Starting point is 00:33:14 What is it? It's just you got to get over it. No, in other words, you're, you're, I mean, what I'm saying is you're way ahead of the game because a lot of people don't understand what their problem is. Yeah, I totally understand it. And that is the basic problem for most comedians. um because they're afraid of that feeling i'm not killing i was raised to kill as a comic i started in boston and in boston it was like you might get hurt if you don't kill because the room

Starting point is 00:33:42 might get really nasty right and some of them might throw shit at you they might wait for you outside like there's a feeling in boston of like there's the bad version of this is fucking bad and also there was this kind of like this biting spirit there so i i liked it i was 18 when I started. So I was killing, killing, killing. It took me a long time to realize that this isn't.

Starting point is 00:34:05 I still try to untrain myself. There's bits where I'm like, that crushes, but it's not making me better. I've got to stop doing it. So it's not only not wanting to bomb. It's also like back and away from the obvious sometimes

Starting point is 00:34:20 and just going like, yeah, that bit annihilates. But what are we doing? You know better, yeah. Yeah. It's not, it there's nothing that's and it's not taking me anywhere new i mean all the thing is uh the problem with comedians is they take everything very personally and it's a it's a scientific thing kind of

Starting point is 00:34:40 comedy and it's an art so you should think of the like privilege the work what's what matters is this bit right um like i was watching this kid in uh new york and he was doing bits about the election the last one. And it had been over for a while. And the bits were strong. Yeah. But people weren't really into it. Yeah. And he made some comment on stage like, oh, I guess you guys don't like my politics or something. And I pulled them aside afterwards and I said, it's because it's an old topic. No one wants to hear about it, old elections. And he said, I know, but this bits were killing. And I don't want to let him go. Yeah. And what I said to him was, because he was very young guy. So I said, if you took the two minutes of political material and instead you stood there and did nothing, you'd grow more as a comic.

Starting point is 00:35:34 Wow. It'd be better for you as a comedian. Yeah. I think every comedian should try to put, especially in these workout sets and the clubs. Yeah. At some point, have like an alarm go off or some way that you go, I'm going to do 90 seconds. I got no act. Just 90 seconds of just of just try to see what happens.

Starting point is 00:35:51 if you don't keep coming and coming and coming with it. It's that panic moment of like, I got to kill right now. If you can just get past it, it's like the sound barrier, you know, that big explosion. Yeah. On the other side of the sound barrier is like, there's a calm. You go like, oh, I'm, I got power now. I'm not killing. They're looking at me.

Starting point is 00:36:14 This is weird. Yeah. I'm still here. I'm alive. I can do a bunch of things I couldn't do on the other side of this. yeah you could only do one thing when you need it to be kill kill kill but if you get past that you have like this bunch of other options that you're like wow i could do this they're looking at the room comes alive when you stop getting laughs it does people yeah people start going what's

Starting point is 00:36:38 going on there's no because it's a ha ha ha puts you to sleep yeah ha ha ha ha they're not even listening after a while you know if you're doing jokes ha ha joke ha you could one always do one joke where you go and then I flap the jet black claps ha ha it like where you literally make no sense and you'll get that's why a lot of comics have like 15 tags and they're getting jokes just because the the motors in motion they're not funny yeah but you just get you know what I mean I mean you just have to you're 54 what are you waiting for it's time yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it's never too late okay you need to start going on stage having bad sets.

Starting point is 00:37:20 Yeah. You have to. You have to, yeah. You have to. That's it. You won't grow. No, you have to. No, no, no.

Starting point is 00:37:27 I do it all the time. Every time I go out to start writing a show, I struggle mightily for months. This message is sponsored by Raycon. Raycon's everyday earbuds have become a go-to gift for the holidays. They sound great, last all day, and then some with 32 hours of battery lines. and actually stay comfortable no matter how long you wear them. Four million people already got a pair. So if you've been curious, it's time to try them out right now.

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Starting point is 00:40:21 you stay in the- Try not to do that. I do it. I'm weak when I do that, but I try to stay in it and just go like, this is, like when I'm developing a new hour, I go to the cellar, I go in, I haven't been in for a while. I do five minutes, maybe just a few jokes I have. And then I get off. And next time I do 10. When I get to about 20, then it starts filling in and it starts getting strong. When I have a strong 20, I put it away. I'm like, you can't do these jokes anymore. And I go back in with nothing. And I start with another zero hard. What's so funny? And then you get that brave hard joke. Well, I'm going to do it. Okay. 1996. So I don't do it on the special. He's got a brave heart joke.

Starting point is 00:41:10 Yeah. It's funny. It's fresh. Listen, my last special, or one of the last ones, I did a special, a joke about goodwill hunting, and it was 20. I love it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you did a whole thing about the Bible. That's fucking old. The Bible's been out for a while. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:41:26 So, Louie, I'm going to make a deal with everyone in this room, okay? Yeah. For my special, I'm gonna, because I've never done a special. Right. Right? So I have to do the things that I've amassed. No, you don't. For my special, it's in two months.

Starting point is 00:41:40 Okay, well. I know But for the next You know what I mean thing Yes look do the special And clean house I'm cleaning house And then start over

Starting point is 00:41:51 I'm never gonna do those jokes again That's great That's great Yeah I love that He's gonna clean house The way a hoarder does Where they're like

Starting point is 00:41:56 Don't really Don't really get rid of that Put that right there And then I'll throw out One of the four curmets I'm keeping the other three curmets Unboxed

Starting point is 00:42:09 I'm gonna tell you I'm gonna tell you why I'm doing it. Sure. Yeah. Because when I perform, I don't feel good. I feel pain. Yeah, man. Every fucking fat. I get it. I've been there. Yeah, I feel pain. I feel disgusted. When I drive home, I don't feel good. You got you totally get what's going on. I know. There's something going on. Yes. And it's like when I was younger and I was like bombing and I was like trying new things and going, what's my voice and all that. More fun. It was in retrospect. I mean, back then, you were struggling. There was no money and getting stage time and all the

Starting point is 00:42:41 fucking shit that you have to go through, but still in terms of performing, it felt new. It felt fresh. Jokes that kill are traps. They're, they are prisons. Yeah. And they keep you from, I mean, you're stuck in these bits. It's horrible. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:42:57 I had the same opening joke for like 10 years or more, and I, every time I said it, it felt like I was pissing out of my own mouth. I hated it. Yeah. so much. Can you tell me what is the joke? Yeah, and it's actually about piss. I hate saying it.

Starting point is 00:43:17 Please do it. It's, oh, God, it's so horrible. I mean, it is what it is. It's a joke, but I live in New York. It was like, New York is the only city where you actually have to say things like, hey, that's mine. Don't piss on it.

Starting point is 00:43:29 Yeah, I love that. That's a great job. I like, yeah, I've heard you do that. It's a fine joke, but do it for 10 years every night. Like, it's not. You felt true. He, that's, he's autistic. Sorry,

Starting point is 00:43:39 He'll move furniture the whole show. That's just kind of what he does. When you try new stuff, do you have a button or is it sometimes like just a premise? Yeah, usually it's a premise. Like I come up with, I'll be, you know, walking around and I'll have a thought or in a conversation where I'm like, that's, I know that area is a bit. Right. And I'll write down the premise, just the word, like two words of what it is.

Starting point is 00:44:08 And then I wait. I try not to think about it too much till I get on stage. And then I go on stage the next time and I explain it to the first audience and that's how I write it usually. Wow. And then it gets refined over time.

Starting point is 00:44:21 Once in a while, bits come to me full, like, well, I don't know where that came from, but just like a joke, like I'll come up with a, I'll think of a sentence and then I'll think of a joke. Because I do still like jokes, you know? Yeah. So jokes, I just, they come, they pop in.

Starting point is 00:44:38 but bits where you're talking about something that's that's the way I do those you just you know there's an area there's something there and you wait because they're listening there's no better they're the instrument so when you're working in the dark it's like being a composer they like to have a piano they like to hear it you know not just sit there and go this you and have it all in their head yeah when you have an audience that's your instrument so they're sitting there waiting and that makes you, that brings it out of you, like, and it makes you come up with it funny because that's what you do.

Starting point is 00:45:13 Pitch Louis some bits. You got some, he's got some new shit. Pitch him some. No, no. Pitch him some bits, man. I'm not doing it now. Yeah, do it. No, no, no.

Starting point is 00:45:20 I'm not doing that right now. He's got a couple in the chamber. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on. Tell me one. Tell him one of the new bit. One idea for new bit. Come on.

Starting point is 00:45:25 Well, I have a bit that, um, I'm trying to get to work. Look at Louis when you do it. Don't look at you. Yeah, I want to look at you. I want to look at you right now. That's good for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's good for you.

Starting point is 00:45:36 Yeah. So I have a bit about like, my dad used to tell wild stories. I don't know if they were true or not, right? Like when I was 14, my dad goes, when I was your age, okay? In Korea, I used to kill wolf. Right? I go, there are wolves in Korea? So many wolves.

Starting point is 00:45:53 You mean? Everywhere, wolf, you know? One time wolf attack, I break a leg. Right? I take a stick, pop, pop, pop, up in the face. Right. Later, my friend John brought his corgi over to my house. And my dad goes, how old is your wolf?

Starting point is 00:46:09 I'm like, used to kill dogs? It's a great bit. What's the wrong with you? It doesn't get a huge laugh on stage. It gets kind of a giggle. It's a great bit. You got to do that bit. See?

Starting point is 00:46:24 Yeah, yeah. See? It's a great bit. Yeah. Give him another one. No, I don't want to give it. No joke. You got to keep doing it.

Starting point is 00:46:31 yeah all of every bit i have i give up that destroys yeah started either weak or like pissing people off but i just keep doing it and it's like it's like walking to a firing squad and saying shoot me it's hard yeah yeah yeah and you go and they yeah but these all these bits are really there's still a few in in my set now even though i'm doing theaters that i'm like i still know i'm not getting what i should be getting with that one it still feels weak but i still believe in it so I'm still and it keeps changing and changing so I got to because sometimes you got to keep doing it you got to do that bit over and over again okay that's what it is yeah over and over over over and over are you doing the bit are you doing the bit about the

Starting point is 00:47:12 how we can mount and dismount an entire race and one I don't remember what I remember those words oh I don't remember what the way you said that that stuck out mountain you're saying the way that we say like when you have someone on the fucking news yeah says like oh that yeah no I don't do it anymore why do yeah I had a whole bunch of stuff about people, the way people talk in the news, and I had something about Trump and all this stuff. And that stuff, I just decided I didn't want. And I'll tell, this may help you.

Starting point is 00:47:43 Okay, okay. I was doing that bit. It's great. So I was doing, when I went back on the road, I took a year and a half off of comedy. I wasn't, I was gonna quit, like I decided I didn't wanna do it anymore. And I, so it was a really great break because I wasn't like just taking time off.

Starting point is 00:48:01 I was like, I'm done. But then I started coming up with ideas, jokes. So, you know, I just got full. I wanted to do them. And then I was like, let's just get back to it. But when I first started going out with this new set, it had these weird bits that are kind of strange. And then this killer chunk about the news and all that stuff.

Starting point is 00:48:22 And I was like, where do I put that? That it, where does it hurts these other bits? How do they, you know? And then I was in Omaha doing a bunch of shows at the funny. Funny bone. And one night I was like, what if tonight you don't do, you don't do those bits at all? Just take them out. And I took them out and everything else in the show kind of rose up.

Starting point is 00:48:44 And the show just got, because it had a cohesion to it. And it just got better. Like your bit is competing with these other bits. Like it can't follow Braveheart or whatever you're killing. Oh, I see. Yeah. So once you're done with this special, that bit should be like your. No, I'm doing that bit in the special.

Starting point is 00:49:02 Okay, so, but I mean, these bits will do better, the new ideas. Oh, I see what you're saying. When they have a little feeling. But also the bit about the news, Brian Regan did a bit kind of like it. No, not like that. His spin was the way people talk in the news then versus now. And you were saying the way that you'll have an anchor. No, but he did.

Starting point is 00:49:25 He did a thing about people saying there was a fire today in Nicaragua. Oh, Nicaragua. Oh, that's right. Right, right, right, right. So I was doing, I was doing that. It was kind of near it. It was near enough. The phrasing was great.

Starting point is 00:49:39 The phrase stuck out of my brain when you go, how did you mount and dismount an entire race in one word? And with one word of your life. I love that. Yeah, it was fun to do. I like that fit. And then I did a thing about homeless versus unhoused. The unhoused.

Starting point is 00:49:53 But I just don't want to, I don't, I'm tired of having clever takes on what's going on in the world. Oh, fuck. I'm tired. Fuck, my whole act is fucked I have a whole homeless bit That's just five minutes of homeless That's just me Oh my God

Starting point is 00:50:08 His special is literally called Clever take on what's going on We got to change it I'm just gonna put the greatest hits out And then the next time I'm gonna grow And it's gonna be What about you?

Starting point is 00:50:20 Where are you at? I just put out a fucking special On you on Hulu Which you know Which was it was a good time For me to put out a special Because it was Charlie Kirk got shot

Starting point is 00:50:30 anniversary of 9-11, and then they took Jimmy Kimmel off the air, and I was like, put it out a special, baby. Drop it right there. Drop it right there. It's fucking insane. And Hulu, he's doing it with Hulu, too. Your first one? That's my, Hulu, that's number one.

Starting point is 00:50:44 I did one before. I did one previous. Well, no, I did, technically that's, I did it. You've done two on Netflix? No, showtime, then Netflix. Netflix was the first, like, real, real special. Does Hulu have it forever, or do you get it back? No, you get them back.

Starting point is 00:50:58 Like Netflix, too, they took mine down after it was. like a licensed so yeah I might just put it up on YouTube we were talking about yeah don't worry about it it's so this it's a body of work you're compiling over time yeah so so it's got a life on Hulu right now but the I did a special called um hilarious and it was on epics yeah great company great company who care who gives a shit yeah it doesn't matter no I know it doesn't it's all all of the back when I used to before I started selling them myself I used to just find who wants this one and it would be like showtime or where one was epics, one was this.

Starting point is 00:51:31 It just doesn't matter. No. They're all, you're compiling a library. But now you'll sell them yourself forever. You're never going to go to a thing again. You'll just do just you now, right? I don't know. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:51:41 I don't know. I mean, I kind of like to be on a platform just to get more new eyeballs on the work maybe. But I don't know. We'll see. Also, plug the book. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Do you have a copy of the book?

Starting point is 00:51:53 No. Dude, this is so funny. You would never read it. I have a library. Oh, you want to just in the... Yeah, I have everyone's... You guys have a copy? They should have sent you one.

Starting point is 00:52:02 Yeah, Bobby has a copy. Well, you know, honestly, where's my copy? I literally don't have handed it to you. Yeah, he did hand it to you. Where is it? It's over here somewhere. It's got to be over here somewhere. Yeah, it's a pile of books.

Starting point is 00:52:12 I have a pile of books over there. I'm going to read it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but I mean, you should show it to people, right, or something? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I don't know. If I have it, where is the book, by the way. I have a Star Trek, the next generation X-Men.

Starting point is 00:52:25 I didn't write that. I didn't write that. Yeah I don't know where it is Bring it up on the fucking Bring it up there It's up on the fucking thing You know

Starting point is 00:52:33 That's probably My favorite thing Is him getting mad It's your book He gave it to you I fucking don't remember There it is There it is baby

Starting point is 00:52:42 Ingram Ingram That's my new I just wrote that And that's about Rick Ingram From Chris Roxop

Starting point is 00:52:49 What is it about Ingram? It's about a little boy Who's kicked out Of his house When he was like nine And he's just Walking around Texas

Starting point is 00:52:56 And he's a lot and he's uh and he's and life gets really hard for him like Chauncey Gardner from being there yeah but he's like much younger okay yeah but Chauncy Gardner the character was a young because he had had no influence except for television so he was kind of a child sure yeah well that's not what this book's about I know but what I'm saying it's not it's not that's you know me different sure if you want yeah yeah yeah it's about a guy named Chauncy Gardner yeah if that's what you want it's a little bit like kind of like Paris Tech is he's kind of wandering.

Starting point is 00:53:29 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I don't know, Paris. Hey, yeah, yeah. Why are you doing that? I don't know. Just let him have the book. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:53:35 You're trying to shoehorn some other fucking story into it. I mean, it's fine. It drives me nuts. Yeah. I was trying to sound intelligent. It's not working. It's not. Stop it.

Starting point is 00:53:46 Yeah, yeah, yeah. If I, no, audiobook, is there an audio book? Yeah. And are you doing the narration? I read it, yeah. Oh, that's great. That's, I'll listen. I find it very odd when people don't read it.

Starting point is 00:53:56 Yeah, that's weird it. You wrote it, you read it. Well, I'm a performer, I perform so I can do that. Some authors probably would have a hard time to it. It's hard. It's like really hard. It takes a couple weeks. Yeah, but I mean, I think a lot of times we find, right,

Starting point is 00:54:12 that like, look at Stephen King. Like, you know how bad Stephen King got off doing his reading? Do you know what I mean? Like, I think some of these guys, they love to write, but they're also like, you want to hear me talk about it? Well, it's weird when you read it because you're faced with what you, wrote. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:54:28 And you have to read it with all the kids. You can't go like, blah, blah, blah. Like, yeah. I kind of wanted to do a version,

Starting point is 00:54:36 like a whole version where I read it like, or like, or read it and like this or something like a whole, the whole book in falsetto or something. Yeah. He's walking around the fucking farm. Yeah, he's walking around the farm.

Starting point is 00:54:48 But anyway, yeah. But do you read in paragraphs? Like, and then you go cut, you cut it there and go as far as you can go in one piece and then you keep. And also somebody's there to keep.

Starting point is 00:54:57 stopping you because you fuck up a lot. Oh, right. So you have somebody going, you got that wrong. It's tedious. Like when we do the movie. It's when we did the animated movie. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We did an animated movie.

Starting point is 00:55:06 Where you give me notes. Where you give me notes? I give him notes. I do give him notes live. Every line, he goes, that's not how you say it. Well, because I'm like, what? He's like, well, and then you give me scenarios. Imagine this and this.

Starting point is 00:55:18 And they go, okay, I get it. Well, try to have him say Fakasha. It's fucking un-cageda. Yeah, well, he got it there because we worked on it for like a week. In your fucking face, dude. Now, we play these two little creatures, but we're bouncing a lot. Like we do on the show.

Starting point is 00:55:28 We're bouncing, you know, it's like bouncing conversation. And sometimes he'll be... Am I the worst? No, no, no. Be honest. Am I the worst? Shut up. No, but he's so good,

Starting point is 00:55:37 but sometimes he'll be not in our conversation. Yeah. He's reading the characters if it's existing in another space. I'm like, we're doing it. It's you and me. It's you and me. Right. But when I do say that, you do come back and you kill it.

Starting point is 00:55:47 Am I wrong? No, thank you. Then we had to go do, we had to go do extra. And I left because I went separate. and he goes, how long did it take? And I go, dude, it's 40 minutes, you're in and out. Yeah. He called me, he's like, took me two fucking hours.

Starting point is 00:56:00 I was like, because I was gone. But you read it before because I haven't read it, so I'm showing up and I'm like, I do not read it before. Oh, so you're good. No, it's just, I just, no, we just work differently. Yeah, that's like a neurological difference. Yeah, it is. I just, we just, I just, yes, yes, it is.

Starting point is 00:56:17 I just see things like that. Okay, with lines, with lines, do you have like a memory of, like, Can you memorize lines real fast? No, it takes me days. Right, I can see it and do it right. I have this weird trick. I don't know why. I'm so lucky, but I've been someone that can just eat it and I can throw it right back out.

Starting point is 00:56:35 Wow. You know who they said used to do that? That was that Charlie Sheen. I don't know if you saw that documentary. We've talked about it because we love it. They used to say, John Cryer would go, this fucking guy would never rehearse, would be on time on the nose, be unprepared, and then look at it and go, I'm going to let someone up. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:56:53 Yeah, yeah, okay, yeah. And get an entire two-page scene. Incredible. And not even, it's just his brain had that digestion and regurgitation. I used to just need like two rehearsals to know it. Two, and then you got it. Yeah, because I need to, reading it, I'm just not, it's not getting in. Right.

Starting point is 00:57:08 But if I wreck through it and kind of do this two takes, then I know it because I lived the scene. Right. So you don't memorize it in the night before? That never did me any good. Me neither. It only stressed me out and it didn't do me any good. I was always bad at that. If I could do it in the morning, if I read it right before I went there,

Starting point is 00:57:25 and then I got one run through, I would be like, okay, I understand what I was doing. I understand what I didn't see because. Well, and you do it in pieces. So it's like when you're filming stuff, you just, you only have to worry about this one scene and you do it a bunch of times from all these different angles. Yeah. And then you throw it away. It's gone.

Starting point is 00:57:40 So you only have to worry about one thing at a time when you're filming stuff. Can I tell you my favorite scene from your show that to this day I was all the time, like over and over. Okay. Is it the art room? Yeah. That's my favorite scene. It's my favorite scene in the whole world.

Starting point is 00:57:52 with you and Pam Adlon and press a button. It says press. It's the best scene, dude. I love that. Just speak, here's, and let me ask you, let me ask you something because I get nerded out on those scenes. I'll rewind a scene like. It's Jay, it's Big J. O'Kerson's voice, if that's what you're going to.

Starting point is 00:58:11 It is? It is? Big J. O'Criston, yeah. Hope I'm not getting him in trouble. No, no, no, no. I mean, I've asked him to do it. I said, I wrote him and I said, can you please say this word. like for you know to choose one like five times right yeah to your phone and text it to me and

Starting point is 00:58:29 I'll send you a you know check for a sag check that's so well he said sure and he did it and it's in there on the on the first on the first take yeah Pam turns her shoulder and walks away yes she just like yeah but is it did she is an organic laugh that you can hear in the audio I don't think like she laughs yeah as she walked away but I don't think she meant to laugh. She doesn't really laugh. She kind of goes like, oh, like, hmm. She goes, okay.

Starting point is 00:58:59 I hear her say, okay, she told her. Did you surprise, was it a surprise when she first heard it? Or you guys had already. No, we knew what was. Oh, God, it would have been so fucking. No, sorry. If it was a surprise. I wanted it so bad to be.

Starting point is 00:59:09 Yeah. Like, because we, like, there's a scene. There's a scene that I've nerded out like this about that I'll loop is in baskets. Yeah. And I know you could tell. He knows in the scene because I've watched it 100 fucking times. But Louie is drinking a gay. iterate.

Starting point is 00:59:23 Yes. Your scene, that scene, it's the exact same comedy feeling in my soul where I go, this is so fun and they knew it was fun. Oh, dude. So I remember that they really well because, so when we set up Zach's show, we had this meeting, me and him and I don't remember who else was there. But I started asking him about, we were just trying to decide what the show is about. And like it was just Zach, a show for Zach.

Starting point is 00:59:51 I was working at FX that I had a show that was successful and I said I want to make a different another show so they're like all right and and I went to Zach first because nobody ever made me laugh that hard his act did so anyway when we sat and talked about what his show would be about this is we had already made a deal he's going to have a show I was like well what if your fan what if he have family in it you know and I and he so we're talking about I said what's your mother if you had a mother and he goes yeah maybe and I go what's your mother really like in real life. And he goes, she's always like, oh, Zach, why don't you do? And I, and I just said, your mother's Louis Andrew. And we all laughed. And then there was this pause.

Starting point is 01:00:32 And I said, what if we get Louis Anderson play your mother? And he's like, why does that sound like such a good idea? Like, it just was me, like, what a crazy idea. Yeah. But that's how it came about because I was making a flip joke. And then I was like, this is, I enjoyed this part of the, work. I was like, I just got on the phone and said, get Louie Anderson on the phone. I don't know him that way. We've met in person a bunch of times. I always liked him, but I didn't have a relationship with him. But I just said, get me Louis Anderson on the phone. A few minutes later, I get at this call from Louis in his car. And he goes, hi. I go, hi, Louis. It's Louis C. Yeah. So I'm making a show for FX in Zach Kalfinac. This is the star of the show.

Starting point is 01:01:10 We're doing a pilot. Okay. And I go, we have a part in it. It's a substantial part for you. The thing is, we want you to play Zach's mother. And I just hear the sound inside the car. And he goes, I love it. Wow. And it felt like this, we didn't know what he would do. We gave him the job. There was no, nothing written.

Starting point is 01:01:33 And there was no, it was just that day. We gave him the job. Wow. Made a deal, right? It was like, no, we're doing that. So I didn't know how I was going to work out. And I didn't know what Zach. So Zach hired John, Christ.

Starting point is 01:01:46 Chrysler? Yeah, Chrysler, what's wrong with me? Please look it up, director. Jonathan Chrysler, Chrysler. Yeah, Chrysle. Chrysler, I don't know what I'm going to say it. Jonathan Chrysle had done this show, Portlandia, which is one of my favorite things ever.

Starting point is 01:02:01 It's awesome. Yeah. And he just had this way of setting up improv, setting up, setting this scene for two characters. He knew how to shoot it, how to get, how to shoot it well, and how to just make it happen. So these guys just, I went, after this one meeting where we talked about everything,

Starting point is 01:02:18 I kind of went away and let them make the show. And then I showed up that day. And there's Louis Anderson in a dress. And I'm like, we're really doing this, huh? Wow. And I'm like, I don't know what is the character.

Starting point is 01:02:30 What are you guys doing? And I sat and watched them shoot that scene, which just happened. There was nothing to it. Yeah. They had something to argue about that he doesn't respect he's being a clown. Right. And Martha,

Starting point is 01:02:42 that was like an introduction from Martha. And then there was this obsession with this gatorade. And when that moment happened, I remember it. I had just arrived a few minutes before with the gatorade and that hits the spot. I was like, I was like, what do we do? This is incredible. This is incredible. And Louis, and I got to really love Louis.

Starting point is 01:03:00 We got to know each other much better. Yeah. And then he won a fucking Emmy. And it was such a glorious thing that Louis, because I loved him when I was a young comic and he's such a sweet and good guy. He struggled with his health, you know? it was really sad when he when he passed away but uh but yeah i was it was one of my happiest moments of my career was him winning an emmy wow that was such a beautiful thing because the way he did

Starting point is 01:03:29 that he that character was fantastic throughout the season two seasons great fucking great i was i was i did a show on fx called dave with little dicky and when i was on the show i was like in love with baskets so much and i was like hey i'll i'll i don't want to to get paid like can I just do uh anything in the thing I just was like I'll do in anything anything any and they were and they were like do they got to stop asking like because I kept asking my agent I was like just tell him I'll fuck it they were like they don't want is that work if people if if talent asks no but they said they don't they were like they're not usually yeah he was I've asked so many times they're like nah it's not gonna

Starting point is 01:04:05 have I was like I don't even want lines I just want to be in like a background of the Burger King I want I really wanted to be at the Burger King and I was like just let me be in the thing and they're like they don't want like an actor or comic they were like they're not looking for that you're not you're on the wrong i was like i just want to be in the back yeah no you wouldn't have been right for i know see that's right he was like no you can't do it dude so when people go what like my age is try to track projects yeah yeah like when the crazy rich Asians were happening like we're tracking this for you we're putting your name in that past you know and it's like it never i couldn't even get an audition at the end of the day no yeah it doesn't none of that works

Starting point is 01:04:41 no yeah yeah i mean i think it's good if you're trying to be an actor you go in for a lot of stuff because they remember you you go you just do of the best version of you yeah at the audition and then you just are memorable it doesn't matter getting that part you know like if you read something you're like that's not my kind of guy and you try to be it you're gonna suck so you just do a weird your version of it right and they'll go uh that guy was good he's not he can't do this but that guy and they'll remember i mean i've cast a lot of things in my past with people that i've seen in other stuff that I've seen in stuff that I had them cast, you know, come in for. So go in for everything.

Starting point is 01:05:21 Go in for everything and do any part you get. I say no so much. Because that's where, you know, agents don't get you work, no. No, they're terrible people. They're just, they are what they are. They're terrible people. They're terrible. Absolutely worthless people.

Starting point is 01:05:35 Some of the worst ever. They give some of the worst advice. They're snakes. They've set you up for something. And then when it goes bad, they're not there to back you up. They're the worst. I think they're just, they're just, Terrible pigs.

Starting point is 01:05:46 They're out of their, they're, they're out of their depth a little or they're not in the, they're in the wrong business or something. I hate them. They're on the backs of us. They stink. Yeah. I can't wait to fire mine. I'm done with the business forever anyway.

Starting point is 01:05:57 Whoa, dude. Why would you be done with the business? Yeah, me too. We're out, dude. Yeah. We're the last show in Hollywood. This is it. I think we're the last.

Starting point is 01:06:07 Yeah. This is it over. It's dying. It's dying. Yeah. That's a shame. You do a move? And the book, by the way, is available literally everywhere.

Starting point is 01:06:18 Yeah, it's like you can pre-order it now on all the things, all the things. All the things. All the things. And it'll be out November 11th. November 11th, my first novel. It's the first one. Yeah. I wrote another one after that I still working on.

Starting point is 01:06:32 I mean, I finished a draft of it. Did you get like a book deal where they give you a book deal? You know what they do this thing? It's a weird, like, give them a deal. And then they make people write another book, even if they didn't want it. No, no. I didn't get any kind of deal like that. I just wrote this one.

Starting point is 01:06:46 Good. See what would happen and I send it out. And this company, Ben Bella and Texas is publishing it. It's just a little company. Ben Bella. Ben Bella. Did you find them? They found you?

Starting point is 01:06:55 I got a book agent and he's a really smart guy and he found them. He'd worked with them on other stuff. They don't do much fiction. Wow. But it's distributed by Simon & Schuster. So that's who sells it. But I didn't get a book deal from them. Okay.

Starting point is 01:07:11 It's like I just, I didn't, I haven't been paid anything. I just wrote it and they're putting it out. We'll see what we make together. But I don't have an advance or anything. That's a good deal. We'll see what we make together. I like it that way. I don't like the thing of like, like when you, when I book on the road and stuff,

Starting point is 01:07:26 agents like to get advances because they sound, you know. Hey, we got you the money. Yeah. But all you're doing is bent against yourself. The last thing you want to do is like take a bunch of money from somebody and then you didn't do well. And then you're like, ha, ha, ha. I want people to sort of have a good experience of you, so. Yeah, because you're a big crowdwork guy clips.

Starting point is 01:07:46 You started crowdwork clip, can you imagine? Yeah, that was my innovation. That was Louis, big crowdwork clip guy. You were the first on TikTok to do it as far as I was concerned. That's right. I saw most of years. I just saw it. I saw it as a new way.

Starting point is 01:08:03 And here I am. Thank God. I would love to see it. Does that annoy you like these crowdwork guys on doing clips on TikTok? I mean, it's the, they got what they got from it. Yeah, it's fine. It's all part of the thing. It works for them.

Starting point is 01:08:16 Good for them. Okay. I don't care. Yeah, I don't, as a, I love stand-up, I don't enjoy watching that. Yeah. Also, when I see friends of mine do it, I, it's like you're killing in the moment, but no one's going to remember it. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:08:29 And you're not building anything. That's, but I have a different goal than them. They just want to run their numbers up and they want to get whatever. Yeah. And also, a lot of people pleases them a lot. People really love it. Yeah. So if an audience, if someone's enjoying it, they're right.

Starting point is 01:08:43 Yes. And the person who doesn't like it is just, it's none of their business. If you don't like something, it's none of your business, as long as somebody likes it. If nobody likes it forever, someone needs to talk to that. But you know what? If literally no one ever liked a comic ever doing anything, that'd be pretty fucking incredibly. I don't want to see this.

Starting point is 01:09:05 That is cool. Like David Tell had this. I don't think he ever did it more than once that I. saw he said if you tell somebody you have a small penis if you tell a woman you have a small penis she won't be interested but if you tell her you have the smallest penis in the whole world she's gonna want to yeah he's he's he's one of my favorites great it's unbelievable that guy yep who's the guy who's the guy that you that you really have like a comedy crush on that you're like, oh, I love the fucking way

Starting point is 01:09:39 that that person works. These days? Yeah. I mean, that used to be Zach for me. I used to put my head on the table and cry. Yeah. Todd Glass has always made me laugh like that. So funny.

Starting point is 01:09:51 Just fucking destroys me. Jim Norton, who I've been working with lately, just also really kills me. There's a lot of guys I really love. But that kind of like, I can't believe it. Yeah. Todd Glass, I mean, I don't know if it's okay to do other people's bits, but I'm...

Starting point is 01:10:07 And she'd just say it's Todd's bit. I'm naming him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He did. Call him, we'll get approval. Yeah, he did this thing about, uh, um, the lady, a lady next to him on an airplane, it has Reese's cups and she's taken one out and she looks at him looking at him and she goes, do you want one?

Starting point is 01:10:24 And he goes, I want both. And he did some clip. I don't know if you can find it, but it was during the pandemic. He did some fake commercial, I think, on maybe Instagram or something. thing where he's showing you how you can pee outside. But he's, he puts just a bag like a shopping, like a plastic bag over his head and he just stands near a bush

Starting point is 01:10:51 and he just starts pissing his pants. It's completely fucking nuts. So he, and I haven't seen him for a long time, but he's always been, he's always been a guy that destroys me. We love him. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:11:08 He was doing a bunch of fake cop bits that were very funny. Do you remember that little run he had for a while of, like, getting fake pulled over? He used to do a bit with breakaway glass bottles, like fantasy of like breaking. So he'd be, well, it's him walking down the street with like a beer bottle. And there's some teenage girls and one of them gives him like a typical teenage girl like, ew. Yeah. And he goes over and he breaks. Yeah, he's pretty great.

Starting point is 01:11:35 He's the one right now. All right. Look, the advice was good. I learned so much today. Lou, did you have fun here? Of course I did. It was really fun. I wanted to do the show

Starting point is 01:11:44 because you guys have a great energy. It was fun. And I had a great time. Well, we, listen, we love it. It's not going to sell a single one of my books. No, no, no, no, our fat, no, that's not true. We don't sell one. No, no, no, no.

Starting point is 01:11:55 Ingram, Louis C.K. No, no, he's right. It's not. That's not going to. It's not going to. It's not going to, but it doesn't matter. Five. Five people.

Starting point is 01:12:02 Yeah. Yeah. Guys, please, please, please go. purchased Ingram right now, Louie's first book. It would mean a lot to him. He asked us for a loan before the show. We were a little concerned. I'm being real.

Starting point is 01:12:15 I mean, I, um... Dude, I'm just... Thanks for being on the show, man. I appreciate it. No, no, no. That's it. Thank you so much. Go ahead.

Starting point is 01:12:25 Do your gay bit. I forget, I forget. No, do your sense... No, I just think... I'm just a huge fan, dude. I really am. I just think you're so great. Thank you.

Starting point is 01:12:32 Well, you make us laugh a lot. Thank you. Thank you. but um but um just having you on here was just a fucking great thanks man dude why can't I yeah dude he's the best living comics shut the fuck up shut up right no no thank you for being a bad friend

Starting point is 01:13:04 Yeah. Woo. Yeah. Woo. Yeah. Oh!

Bad Friends - Talking Limericks with Louie

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