Bad Friends - The Dark Side Of Bobby Lee

Episode Date: September 26, 2022

*NEW MERCH* https://badfriendsmerch.com Thank you to our Sponsors: https://betterhelp.com/badfriends & BLUECHEW & https://www.go.factor75.com/badfriends130 code: BADFRIENDS130 YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube 0:00 The Beatles of Podcasting 4:40 Juicy's Success... Thanks to Bobby 9:45 Urban Bobby and Little Pump 15:12 Bobby Works at Chipotle 23:15 A Gas Station, Dan Majerle and Role Play 30:22 Bobby's Is Moving to New York 36:40 Faces of Death 39:33 The Video Juicy Doesn't Want to Ever See 47:07 The Missionary, Cowgirl Type of Guy 53:49 The Dark Side of Comedy 1:02:12 Bobby and Andrew's Exciting Lives 1:08:38 Fancy Reveals Carlos and Khalyla's Scret More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Rudy Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendrudy More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Andrés Rosende & Pete Forthun This video contains paid promotion. #bobbylee #andrewsantino #badfriends Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? Woo! Why dude? I'm an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. Woo! You two are something.

We're bad friends. No, I mean, you guys are both getting kind of famous. Well, let's start to roll. Are we rolling, by the way? I got recognized at the Austin Airport. Are we rolling right now? But you're getting kind of famous. I mean, not as famous as us.

We're like that. Yeah. Like, if we were the Beatles, we would be... John? Me? Yeah. John? Ringo.

No, no, no. Let's Ringo. Oh, hey, Rink. Yeah, it's Rink. That's the juice. Okay, I'd be letting you... I think John. Yeah, I'd be letting you see Paul.

Paul, for sure. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, for sure. I don't have the doughy eyes. Well, I also, I die at some point earlier than you on accident. That's true, that's true. But who's George? George.

Oh, George Kimmel. Yeah, George is George. So, Carlos is Pete Best, the drummer that... Without a doubt. Without a doubt. And Carlos is what? And you mean Fancy? I'm Paul.

What? What Fancy is? You think you're Paul? I'm Paul. You really think so? You're so not Paul! You're so far from Paul, it's insane. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know who you are? You're one of the recording engineers. Yes, I guess so. You recorded Abbey Road. That's... I'll give you that. Phil Spector. You're Phil Spector.

Okay. Is Phil Spector a part of it? No, but we'll say he is. No, who is the fucking engineer, the composer, engineer, producer, guy that's super famous, that was a part of the Beatles? George Martin. There it is. No.

George Martin, yeah. You're George Martin. No way. No way. Because Yoko is like the one who broke up the group. No. If anything I say... That's not the real reason.

The reason why you say that is because you don't want to be Asian. What? Yeah. Who does? I know, but that's the real reason. Look at my eyes. Is that the truth? Look into those Asian eyes.

Look at my little Asian eyes. Is it because if Yoko was white or Mexican or black, you'd rather be Yoko, but because she's Asian, be honest with me, look at my eyes. She's not racist. You're not racist? No. She loves Asians. You do.

She works with one at the store. Real quick, name me three Asians that you know. Go. Bobby Lee. Yeah. No, baby. You're Asian. That's fair.

Oh, that's true. Okay, go. And go. Stevie Weeby. Yes. That's my brother. Okay. And you're right.

That's all I could do. But to be honest with you, isn't that the only two she needs to know? That is true. We're the top Asians. That's very fair. Yeah, yeah. She's not racist because she wanted to party. Name me five Asians.

Don't repeat the question. Steven Young, Ally Wong, Shang Wang, Yu, and Stevie Weeby. Very good. Very good. And Jimmy O Yang. Very good. And Steve Byrne. Who's half?

Does that count? Or no? No, it doesn't count. Okay. And Ken Jeong. That's totally, that's fine. And Michelle Yeoh. You won.

Okay. Yeah, you beat her. She, not only is she not racist, she wanted to hang real bad with someone who we chatted up with this weekend. She wanted to go to their show, but we couldn't because we were performing. Who did we hit? Who hit us up? Lil Pump.

Lil Pump. What's Lil Pump? Lil Pump. Super famous rap. I'm a big fan of Big Pump. Oh, you like only? I love Lil Pump. I don't like Lil Pump.

Lil Pump was in Salt Lake City when we were there and legitimately hit us up and was like, yo, come to my show. And I was like, we have two shows. So we couldn't have gone. And then we tried to go to the after party, but instead we went to an after party by the staff at Salt Lake. We got drunk and we talked about periods for two and a half hours. And also you guys fucking called me, a shit party.

Don't call me from a shit party, some fucking club manager's fucking apartment. First of all, dude, it was a server's townhouse. Oh, my bad. Yeah. My bad. I didn't know. I thought it was just a regular house. And it was a very nice townhouse.

Very nice. Yeah. And then you called me and you were like, hey, so we're here. I just wanted to say hi. And I'm like, what's up? This is the conversation. Literally. Ring, ring, ring.

I picked it up. We're here. No, you called me twice. I did. I ignored the first one. You did. Right? I ignored the first one.

That's right. Ring, ring, second time, right? What's up? Hey, we're here. Where? Manager's townhouse. Cool. Bye.

That was it. So rude. I just wanted to say hi because I missed you. Yeah, yeah. You were drunk. You do that when you're drunk. Was I drunk? Honestly, I don't remember even calling you.

She was wasted. I was very drunk. Juicy was shit-faced. We had a full conversation on the car ride home. You don't remember? Well, I remember. And she drove. No, I didn't.

You called me. Yeah, you did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did. Let me ask you something. Oh, don't skip over that. Let's talk about that phone call. That was a really nice phone call.

I can't call you? No, I loved it. I got a call from Bobby. What did he want? No. He goes, yeah. Easy. Are you having a good time?

I said, yeah, I'm having a great time. Santino's on stage right now. Can you hear him? And you go, yeah, yeah. I don't want to listen to him. I want to talk to you about something. Okay. And then what'd I say?

Then you said, you're having a good time. I said, yeah, I'm having the time of my life. And you said, did it go crazy for you when they called your name? I said, yeah, they went nuts. They went nuts. They went insane. And you're like, I think very fast things are going to change for you. And just be ready for a lot of new opportunities.

And I just want you to know who did it for you. Which I haven't said once. Literally, I never said that. Yes, you did. Yes, you did. Yes, you did. That is blasphemy? No, this is the real you, bro.

Incorrigible? Is that a word? Incorrigible? Yeah, yeah, you're being incorrigible. I can't believe you're learning new words. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a good thing, right? You're being...

Are new words in video games somehow? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Words on, that's what they say. Words on. I killed you, you're incorrigible. That's incorrigible. Let me ask you. He doesn't know what that means.

Incorrigible. What is that? A person, their tendency is not able to be corrected, improved or reformed. That's exactly what it is. Well, what are you... That's what I meant, right? I never said that. Incorrigible, be a great name for your special that you'll never put out.

I thought it was a great phone call. It was really nice, she loved it. You think I... Okay. And then I said, no matter how famous I get, you'll always be more famous than me. But you'll always be my baby. And then when I say after that... Do you remember what I said after that?

You said it doesn't always work out that way. It doesn't always work out that way. To give you opportunity. But I'm purposely gonna hold myself back so I'll never get more famous than you, because that's how much I respect you. Now, let's talk about, let me ask you something, if you met Lil Pump, would you let him do a Lil Pump? What do you mean?

Like, out me? She's in a loving relationship right now. Be honest. No, I'm glad we didn't go to the party though, because... Because then she would have fucked. Yeah, I would have fucked Lil Pump. No. No, I'm kidding.

Would you fuck Lil Pump? No, but I would probably get really fucked out, like, doing drugs. We were gonna definitely get fucked up. If we went to there, if we go to Lil Pump's thing, we're gonna get fucking out, we're gonna go out, out. I mean, I got drunk at the manager's house. Now, let me ask you something, would I be able to get into Lil Pump or no? I don't think so.

Yeah, I can't. When he DM me, he said, he goes, is the noodle with you? And I said, no. And he goes, he's a... Thank God. TG, thank God. Yeah. TG.

No, we had a really good time. Yeah. We ate some really good dinners. We had some fun in Salt Lake City, sold out shows and juicy ripped. How many minutes? 20. 20? Yeah.

And you ripped? Yeah. Yeah, she ripped. It was really funny. She already likes you. It knows who you are. You know, I was thinking about that. They did.

I would say 70% of the crowd knew who she was. It's interesting. Comedy is harder when no one knows who the fuck you are. Of course it is. I just remember those days where it's like, you had to prove it. Yeah. It takes you five, 10 minutes just to make it like you. So it's like, I kind of missed, don't you miss that?

No, trust me. No, no, not at all. Well, you don't miss like, you know what, I can't wait, I'm gonna improve my work. No, see, I think we had this conversation. I think there is this weird breaking point where once they do know you, then you really do have to prove yourself again because it's like they paid really good money to see you do a whole hour versus when they didn't know you and you get 10 minutes at a time or 15 to try to earn this love and humor and respect, then now they pay to see you so their expectation

is high. They want, you better do well. If you don't do well and they paid all that money to do that thing, they're fucking let down. You can't let them down. To me, it's the same as back then, it's just now they're more apt to want you to win. But if you don't perform, you're fucked. I know.

Then they're never coming back to see you again. They're never buying your tickets. They check out. So it's just as hard, it's just a different kind of challenge. I would see that on a big scale. When I would tour with bigger names, you'd see those big names. They would still get a little anxious before shows because they're like, well, the expectations are through the roof.

You have to deliver. You have to deliver. That's the worst part of headlining. I love it. I know you do. I love it. Well, the pressure is great. You've got to do it.

You have to fucking, when I would feature, walk in the park. Oh, it's so fun. You got no pressure. You just get to hit home runs and then go home. Yeah, yeah. I always want to feature it. New York was fun. New York was so much fucking fun.

My favorite part was the seller. Yeah. Going to the seller was amazing. Because you and I are back to back, right? That was the second time you ever did the seller. Second time I've ever done it. I didn't do that seller though. I did the original seller.

There's two sellers now. We did the Village Underground. Yeah. The Village Underground. It's like 10 times the size. It's not that big. But did you, I went into the little seller, the original one. It's so small.

It's like 56. It's the size of this fucking room here. Smaller, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I've only seen that one. The way you go down the stairs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a bigger one that's like maybe three times its size.

It's around the corner. It's around the block. It's around the corner. Yeah. And I'm like, yeah, I'll do the seller. And as I walked in, it felt, I felt nervous. Really? Yeah.

I have to, I'm from the West Coast, what's so representing? You didn't say that? No, that was inside. But you did, you did do a little of your Bobby Black voice. I know, I know, I know. To the piano player, to the two dudes that are up there. He did a little Bobby Black voice. He goes, what's up, dog?

What's up, dog? Yeah, because I, because of Artie Foucault. I know. And Artie was hosting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then Bobby got a little Black voice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When Bobby does Bobby Black voice.

There it is. What's up, Yermain? I did that. What's up, Playa? I imitated the hands of the keys. And he looked at you and was like, he did what I was like, confused. Not sure he liked it. You didn't like it.

Well, cause you did that to the coffee guy. We went to get coffee in the morning. Young Black guy, young Black guy and I said, and I said, can I get just a regularized coffee? He said, four shots, four shots over ice, Playa, Playa and I was like Bobby. And the guy was laughing and Bobby goes, we're connected. We're on a level. And I was like, no, no, no. He doesn't want to hear that.

He doesn't want to hear that. Fuck, you're an asshole. And then you go, what am I supposed to say? four shots dog and I was like don't say that say none of that just say may I have four shots of coffee please yeah but you but then finally he laughed he goes no no it's okay but inside you but see here's a thing rumbling no here's the thing pal right hey what's up hip hoppers what time is basketball down at the schoolyard here's the thing pal are you guys smoking dope that's incredible

hey man is that grass are you rolling up a breezy it's incredible you sound like an annoying white guy that's not true when you talk to black guys you sound like an annoying white guy yes you do we had a fucking flow earlier what the fuck are you talking about the day before him and I had a rapport what what was it right it was like hey you he recognized me from mad mm-hmm right mad TV right impossible he was like 14 years old okay yeah but that's what he said okay I'll be lying okay it's on YouTube okay okay maybe YouTube okay right so he goes hey you're a man I go that's right that's right which is I always say see no no that is

not her when you repeat yourself that's urban I go yeah dog yeah dog that's right that's so it's a I remember say mad TV you recognize me I recognize you from that TV I go that's right that's right okay what is that why why wouldn't you just say oh yeah oh yeah yes I am oh yeah oh yeah no why twice you don't do twice no Bobby black I got I got so man what you're already doing it I'm not okay go normal okay be normal I think man uh guy man guy I go man guy you like you liked it right mm-hmm he's like yeah I like it yeah man that was pretty much it that was a flaw you you went right back into it did you fist bump him no I

went he doesn't know how to do that and I did this shoulder yeah you know he literally shouldered him right yeah yeah yeah yeah I got a little pump I go do you like the little pump yeah anyway what you know the first word in his new song is jet ski yeah so he's got a he bring up a photo of him will you he's got a fucking diamond necklace that says jet ski on it that's why we really wanted that we wanted to her to meet up with him his dog's name is jet ski and he says in his album he's got a chain of it just type in you know you type in jet ski do jites yo chain right there but he's lifting up his chain in the

picture of the black the black shirt down one more to the right to the right to the right there it is jet ski right does it say it on there it's a drug addict oh this is drug addict okay but dude do jet ski chain do jet ski chain but we we looked it up we saw apparently that's his dog's name and so is that it no no wait we saw the chain where did you see it choose on his Instagram oh it's on his gonna ask a question real quick about little pumps yeah okay so um I know that he does it other people do it they put the tattoos on the face yeah now I don't know because 20 years ago in my day right if you put tattoo on your face

you're basically saying I'm not gonna ever get a day job because he believes so much in his art that he doesn't my point is is that nowadays because you're a more a part of the younger generation if you let's suppose it stopped it stopped working out for a little pump which I don't think it will I think is a millionaire whatever but well if it stopped working out would he still be able to like go to like Morgan and Stanley and get a job with tattoos on his face yes I would I would hire him yeah is that still a thing though I I think it's it's still a thing yeah would you get a tattoo on your on your face or

your neck face tattoos are tough cuz they're so visible yeah like if I want to act and stuff I got I'm kind of stuck in a part but don't they have makeup that could cover it up yeah but you have to be big to do it yeah well like it once you like become an Academy Award winner and just get it like a cross or something but like right you want a little cross right here I want to cross you think you're gonna get one yeah we'll all get one if you get one I'll get one really no like a tiny cross I can't put one on my face okay how about I don't have that nice of a face I don't know I'm not gonna do that be BF bad

friends okay on the neck okay how about below the ear would you get a bad friends below the ear I'll do behind the ear behind the ear yeah so yeah on the ear and it's as to say who's listening to bad friends and behind the ear that's too many letters all right well I'm just yeah yeah just like a bad friends I would I told you before but we've talked about I'll get a bad friends tattoo I can't do it on my neck or my face but I will get one on my body because I've always wanted to do that on my face what about the like it's cat-tatted on my face you don't even have that many tattoos I know but if I because the

reason was because I don't I want to get hired for shit I get it and if comedy doesn't work out I want to work at fucking Chipotle I mean I it's working out I know but if it doesn't can you imagine how bad you'd be at Chipotle you'd be so flustered look at the boy the boys just nodded off bro you know everything you guys say really offends me right you have no idea how fucking fast I do okay hi I just walked in Chipotle hey how you doing man hi a good I'd like a burrito bowl I'd like also to burrito wraps and then two tacos okay divide them all we go one at a time sir so on the burrito bowl yeah in the burrito bowl I'm

just gonna have chicken rice chicken rice medium sauce medium sauce sour cream sour cream and then with the tacos can I have chorizo chorizo that's not chorizo that's chicken but yeah go ahead okay yeah all right so put that off the side next thing no no you're not done with those I want those do I have to fold it they're tacos no I don't decide well you just broke my fucking tacos do it again I'll just put all the stuff that on the inside how do you see what's happening here comes a manager Bobby what are you doing I put that I broke this when I put the inside are you yelling at me that's right I'm the Chipotle

manager I put the insides that we broke and the same ingredients I'm putting because the tortilla broke in the toilets you're on bathroom duty again okay I guess the good employee I guess yeah pretty good yeah yeah but you're gonna read just as good as you you what read what you read just as good as me I would work just as good as you at Chipotle you read on paper as good as on paper you would read just as good as me but but at Chipotle what you'd be on the line and I'd be managing I'd be owning it you really think so no dude bro I'm telling you right now dude if what people don't realize this okay I want to fuck you

guys man fuck you guys what you guys don't realize this is that you think that I've never had a grueling day jobs I did a lot yeah we know and I showed up on time yeah and I never got fired and they went that kid's average he's average you're a C yeah he's not like he's not gonna get promoted but we'll never fire him he's fine you're fine right but I'm not like blatantly bad no I know that yeah yeah yeah so it's like you know if I had to survive after this I would be able to get a job at Chipotle I think you would I think you'd be fine but I don't think you'd get a job at Chipotle what do you think I would work

I think you'd work at the Korean spa yeah you know the place inside now yeah yeah I'll probably work there I mean you you could be a general manager of a Korean spa easily yeah and you know what how much business would you bring in so much a fuckload they put your face on the side of a building I do a side business oh you would you little fucker yeah what are you doing tights tits tight tights tight pee expand you know I don't want to get too graphic no go ahead oh is this show we're being safe now no I just that's that's the business I don't know what you're talking tight pee tight pussy that's what your job would

be oh no he wants to be no I would be like a side you know he wants to be a pimp oh yeah yeah I'd be a side pimp tight pimp yeah tight pimp you're a pimp yeah but I would clean where would you get your girls from all over the place I feel like you'd be not a good a pimp though yeah well how could you be a pimp why do you mean I don't think you have pimp qualities yeah you're not gonna physically smack around women or anything if they go oh man oh there is okay yo man is that pimp Bobby well I have to do an accent okay yo man we're going down hey listen man I just came in here rubbing 20 minutes you don't come

inside okay how much oh my god I'll be in there for three days yeah but then you go in it's my mom oh I'll be in there for five days not my mom not my mom yeah but but a butt you know me so you'll be a much you want what kind you want I have different varieties mm what kind you want a dwarf oh a dwarf you have you have little people have to do all whoa can I both and stack them all but you know they're not really do up but they're small enough if I stack the dwarf I can have sex with one and kiss the other one like that's one person yeah perfect yeah yeah you could put to stack them up you know me like a

Jenga alright don't knock the bottom right go they go all right your dog your dog you can have to do thank you yeah one of our dick so yeah but the one with the dick you on top yeah the one with the boozy yeah the boozy yeah downstairs down right so do you mean I could fuck it suck at the same time yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah what do you think but I'm in they know more dude sign me up so you're the best pimp I've ever had believe it yeah I believe it yeah yeah you know what if the door pan possibly it's don't give you the money no that's my system is different I'm like every

other system jet ski I mean juicy I don't know the system isn't you think I'm gonna go go in pay damn okay you say pay up front to you yeah that's how it all works but what are you paying no it's not no because you'd have to be there 24 seven while your bitches are fucking I'll have a cash register for tax purpose and who's running it you think she's not gonna kick back down to the prostitutes and have an inside game of her own you've got an inside job you don't think she's got a side gig juice I'll give you 25% of my my business you be the prostitute let me be the prostitute cashier you want you be the

madam cash madam cashier right yeah and then I'll give you 25% just don't steal from me but I get I could do like a side hustle well you I'm that's already a side hustle yeah but you started you want to do two side hustle yeah two sides alright so what's your side hustle like you know you go in with the dwarfs yeah I say I see your car out there you give me an extra hundred I'll fill it up while you're in oh yeah oh it's a gas station too well it's also a car wash we might as well do a car wash yeah yeah and now a word from our sponsor better help better help it can be tough to train your brain to stay in problem-solving mode when

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comm promo code bad friends to receive your first month free visit blue chew comm for more details and important safety information and we thank blue chew for sponsoring the podcast like so imagine the cashier cash register right and then we have like a cabinet like cabinet like a display is that this minute a glass you can see through it right and we have things that don't belong okay why are they there yet just because it's funny okay right yeah no not bad friends much no no no why can't we sell bad friend shirt yeah we'll do the one with the dog the live one the family will sell one of those right but

that we do obviously the fucking silver balls oh yeah the relaxation balls right I like the one that you squeeze to stress ball the stress ball we'll have both styles love it right you're just in because there's a waiting room this makes sense isn't it right yeah and then the second thing we would have is probably like framed posters of some sports figure someone someone that's dear near and dear to your heart like a no no one I don't know okay you're like about that guy and I know which one huh the guy that was the center forward of the Arizona Suns chambers the funniest statement I've ever heard of my entire life why

forward center of the Arizona Suns his name is chambers he was a white guy that worked for the Arizona Suns because you know how I know I used to play this MBA game let him get there on his own yeah yeah chamber not chamber talking about Dan Marley no he was a center that's not his last name okay the guy was a center from the 80s or something okay and also and also you said it's the Phoenix Suns yeah Arizona Suns okay Arizona Suns yeah yeah Dan Marley so you're talking about that was in that was an NBA Jam I think Dan Marley was an NBA Jam that wasn't him who else he had like a blonde furrow or something this is so

unrecognizable just do him then okay is Dan Marley we'll just do Mark Dan Marley we'll have a frame photo of him wait what's his name Dan Marjorie Dan Marjorie yeah yeah okay we'll do Dan Marjor right and we'll have that photo framed so that's BLM by the way right that's what he was doing back yeah he's doing BLM right it was way before and we'll have it signed and what will it say um we'll have Kara top sign it it'd be weird right I meant you've never had a fucking damn marginal photo right with Kara top signing it no yeah that's never been done all right I'm in all right you're in for that so what else do we sell

there food we need to food what are we what kind cucumber just a bunch of cucumber yeah I guess that's cool yeah yeah but it's shaved it's all shaved like the skin we that's on the sign yeah pre-shaved yeah come on not pickle take a bite and maybe do we have dipping do we have it in we it's like one of those like frozen bananas so check it out a frozen cucumber dipped in chocolate never doing don't just to fuck up people because they think it's gonna be delicious and they get in there and it's nothing it could be good chocolate water they'll come up and be like I'm here for the cucumber and I'm

like do you want the food or the service you got to pick before you go in the room what else we sell there how funny to just get in a room with a prostitute and just eat a chocolate cucumber but not touch her at all and then just finish and walk out that's right that's hot that's and you know what we also do huh inside there's two options the first option right is to make love which is the standard option right the second option is we set up one of those you know those malls that have like the cowboy western photo oh a photo shoot a photo shoot oh yeah thing right where you can like dress up yeah we'll do a

fairy one oh I love fairy right we'll do a cowboy one not the native cuz that you can get canceled yeah yeah we want to play it safe yeah we play it safe wait why three you can't you can't do it you can't what if just the prostitutes do it sorry if they're native yeah if the sex workers do it if they're native yeah but what if they're ambiguous brown and we don't really know well then we can defend ourselves yeah perfect yeah we can defend ourselves we didn't know yeah yeah what what's so funny you can't cut that you can't cut that part that's legal let me tell you since you came back from a fun yeah the amount of times

that you do this he does this to me or when we joke about he goes like this yeah I don't know what this is about what's a change thing what happened in Spain I walked I became woke you woke in Spain you woke what woke you up in Spain whoa I was just showing bad friends to some people and say oh wow this is not cool at all really really let's talk about some of the non-woke political principles that happen in Spain it's gay marriage legal yeah in Spain yeah we talk about that but let me tell you something yeah but you know they hate it do you know I mean it is but they can't stand it like when they do a wedding don't show us up

right for the stigma voluntary abortion is loaded for the 14th week of pregnancy 14th week what is it here in the States how many how many weeks is it here depending on the state Texas nothing well you know what I mean California what is it in California I think whenever yeah that's what they say whatever that is it that is I guess Spain is better than I thought it's pretty cool hey Bobby are these new already do you always paint your fingernails oh look at that 24 and 26 we doubled Spain yeah yeah I know no he always paints his fingernails I sometimes do I'll abort him I think it originally started to

cover up dead nails and then now it's just so fucking funny because you know me so well I fucking hate you I hate the fact that you know specific things that in my past right and now it's just a habit yeah yeah you're right but don't say that shit out loud I just did I know but it's like you know I mean sometimes things are reserved for you and I we have private things time out what these fans your fans our fans yeah have known about stuff like that for 20 years people know you collect dead skin on a fucking Elmer's glue ball in your old bathroom you tell you told everybody that what's so funny you don't

like it just he did it that's one long time ago 20 years ago what do you mean it was up till a couple years ago you had it when you had it I had it but I didn't 20 years ago but you still had it what you can't throw away that that I'm not arguing that I mean that's fucking it but you but it's gone now yeah you weren't allowed to take it to the new house no that's not nice you should put it in one of those baseball cases where they put a baseball little plexiglass yeah that's gone it's okay you can start a new one yeah but I couldn't have to see what's inside yeah not good alright don't do it not I don't want to hear it

good thinking about it I'm gonna get sick because what happens is this right it science don't do it we talk about science I know but I just I know right you would think that the center right would be dry not no opposite moist yeah moist dude moist yeah yeah and the taste it's like caviar it is it's delicious okay yeah yeah no we had we for what it's worth let me move on to anything else yeah we had one of the best times in New York Bobby said he felt so alive and he wanted to move there want to buy a place there it felt like for the first time I'm like oh I could live here yeah it was just the vibe it

was because before when I would go to comedy clubs it couldn't get in all right like you would have to explain to the guy like oh no I was on that TV and I did the tonight show and I'm a regular I mean you would not explain they're like I really and then they would have to call some it hurts your feelings when that happens totally right but now it's like you show up like you get in they come up to you want to go I mean there's like that respect and it feels good it was really nice yeah cuz they came up to us that when we just went back to have after we did our show they were like you guys want to pop up again and you're

like I feel so good and I wanted to but we couldn't we were eating we were chilling it was like that was a magical night eating there yeah so nice just the hummus and talking and being around comics was so fun I just missed that we don't have that in LA anymore we don't sit around we don't go to swingers like we used to anymore we don't go out to restaurants with groups of comics anymore no one sits and commiserates like they do there and that place man it just got a hum to it and it's funny because the improv has food but why don't comics eat there we used to but they changed that fucking room so much

five different times it people just stopped going remember what they used to be the corner circle table man back when it was lifted up in the main room that that area when you walk in the door to the right used to be a platformed area and it was railed off yeah there was a cool table in the corner yeah yeah it's got rid of all that shit so then now it feels like a fucking Texas road now when you walk in there who's there I can tell you got who every time I walk in there who there's no one in that dining area except for Orney Adams he's and he's crossed his legs are crossed and he always is like this like there's a

go something going on he's still thinking about comedian yeah I do too I do too he's there all that he's there all right and in working no people just don't go there anymore it's just it's I mean they go to the club they just don't go hang out and eat but we should we should take you at some point I would love to go with you guys I think do you think it was like that because you're on vacation like if you lived there would you be doing going out that much not as much but we still you still have the opportunity to call a couple people and go get something to eat or drink down there yeah but yeah you're right you're right and

then you I have connections there now to people like I don't feel as alone you know it's just a great town you know great fucking amazing and you there's a part of me that's also I don't know why I feel this way that there's a because I was so there's so many great comics that come from there right so you kind of go will my shit translate but yeah it does dog sure did what's all done did great dude but you did too we would both great and I'll say this Gramercy Gramercy was so much fun do you want to talk about what happened on the second show at the very end I feel bad about it why but he got a big laugh it was it was a joke oh I

heard this story there this girl goes she asked a question right and she goes I want you guys to guess who I would go out with between you and and who would I rather have sex with that's what she said she said Bobby I want you to tell me who I'd rather have sex with and from by that question you know it was you so I go me and she goes but I want you didn't know I wanted you to ask you why yeah and I go I know why she doesn't know I know I know why she goes why because you're ugly and it destroy it this is a crowd lost their shit and her face she went like this she went like she it was like yeah she couldn't even get

a word she was so fucked up and then of course right away he was like I'm kidding I'm fucking kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I said fuck you right now and then she I fuck you right now and she goes oh yeah like this and he runs over to her and they start making out it was so funny with tongue so fun it was so good and the crowd lost it was amazing yeah I stood there in awe and you really went in because I felt so bad you held her head I held her head yeah I always hold the head but it was beautiful I love to hold the head will you fucking grab the back of her hair the back of the head and then when you're done making out

she did kind of that thing that women used to do it in the 50s and 60s when they were so sexually repressed that they felt love they would pass out when they would see someone famous you know that she literally when she were done she went like this no that's not what I saw what did she do I thought she did make the face like she had sushi for the first time so that's what salmon tastes like you know you're trying to like make people around you know that you like weird you know this is imitation crab yeah this is really good that was a face yeah that's really funny that you say that that's literally how I

was the first time I went to sushi with my friend yeah I was nauseated I mean dude when I first had it I did that like well yeah you have to like hold it in because I've never I'd never had raw fish in my life yeah oh as a kid in Midwest we always had cooked fish out of lakes I'd never once ate in a piece of raw fish and it shocked me to have it and then few other things I started to like and then over time I started to get into it I think of what food that was like a little startling to eat oh I know the eyeball of a fish why are you oh that was startling yeah that shocked you know because Koreans they go old school

Koreans they go straight for the eyeballs really yeah as soon as the fish is it a delicacy they're gone it's like grandma you know so is it good so the eyeballs go to the elders they just go like I would go for the body like when a fish is down I go for the body first but not a old Asians look at that fish eye but I'm saying is it out of respect that you let the elder people get the eyes first I don't know no there's no rule I just make it up and lie and just say yes oh yeah okay there it's in the folklore you're right you know but um and then I just one day I want my mom can I try it and I chewed on it and it was

like one of those gums with the like a juice in the flavor oh like a gusher yeah gusher where you bit into it and the juice squirts in your mouth that juice no no no no no no no juice yeah I don't like the juice yeah yeah but that's have you had fish eye no yeah would you never eat a fish eye I don't know if it would like make you really happy but I don't want it yeah what I mean what part of the animal would you not eat the eye I just I know but brain I just like like I like the stuff I already you know did you ever see I don't want to try out the weird stuff she already faces of death oh yeah dude it's awful the monkey thing it's yeah

it's almost as bad as the clip that definitely showed us on his show yeah I don't know what you're talking about faces of death was an old like at VHS tapes and stuff that was it yeah it looks scary yeah so they had this monkey alive I remember watching it in high school faces of death it was like little video video footage of people and things dying like it was and it but it was like a cult film it's it's like snuff it's like it was a film back in the day you would people would pass around like VHS films tapes yeah but they were like they would copy them so they were always so grainy and weird and there's always something

dirty and wrong wrong supposed to have your hands on it yeah yeah you know I'm girl tied to a bamboo tree okay I remember yeah yeah tied to it right and then you see a machete and then goes to black yeah yeah but that's when you come but no but that back in the day there was porn was like that too yeah yeah it was passed around passed around right and so basically the faces of death was one of those things in the 80s where they would go you mean and when my parents would say I would put it in and they had this one thing and I literally didn't finish the movie because of this one scene there's a restaurant in Morocco I

don't know where it is right I think it's Morocco somewhere that's my place like that and they have this monkey you know anything dressed them I think from the photo and they put clothes on it put clothes on them okay that's which is bullshit well yeah I mean if we could you're lying to him it's a birthday party yeah they put them in this table that was made specifically for monkeys it's disgusting and they and there's a lock contraption and it not and then they cut his brain open and they eat the brain and it's a real oh yeah yeah all right I gotta see this movie it's fucking terrible yeah that sounds awful that

kind of stuff I just don't like what just a funnel did that was awful is wrong I agree what did he do well he was wrong he's a friend who's a police officer and he showed us on his show a clip the cop had you know his body cam on and they had to go to the scene of a crime of a guy not a crime sorry an accident where a guy who was a bike messenger or something he had slipped off the bike and a 18-wheel semi truck ran over his head and his body was there and his head was gone it was and you see all of it it's the cop was like defense I think he had a gun but now the cop was walking up to the body they were trying to call they

were trying to curtain off the scene you know so people couldn't see it but three times I looked at the Stefano and I said I don't want to see yeah I do not want to see it it causes me trauma a little bit of my fault because I didn't I did say you have to see it yeah and I when you saw it you regret it seeing it hundred percent I could see your face yeah maybe nervous I couldn't believe I watched I saw it I didn't want to see it yeah I don't want to see it there's something inside of us that's like I do want to see it no you know I never watched two girls one cup let's watch it right now I don't want please please

let's watch it no that's one thing I say I don't want to watch like this but for this show you have to for entertainment purposes my example was no don't do it you have to show it just show it to her see if she yeah yeah no no she doesn't want to watch it I don't want to watch it that to me is my guy there's no one dying yeah but it's her that's her line that's her line I feel like the girls die inside probably there's a part of them that I you're right from what I've heard it has to right I don't know dude some people are shy's of videos are huge in the world what's that shit videos people love eating shit getting shit on well

that's okay I'm not judging well then that's what two girls one cup is but I don't have to enjoy it no no I understand yes you don't but I'm saying they don't I think they do like it because they there's plenty of people that are into poop cork yeah but does that fetish and don't fucking sex shame don't fetish don't don't sex shame but does that fetish have happened over time or are you jaded to regular how do you introduce that to your partner yeah but I was just saying how does that even occur is that something that you as a young person or I think because you fuck a lot you're like I need to take this to the

next level it could be both I think sometimes you know babies have poop all over the place all the time anybody who has a friend has a baby they're like dude that's so much poop it's insane yeah everywhere and maybe a baby gets a little poop on there under PP and they love it they're playing with it and then it just transfers over to adulthood that one day they haven't sex what would you do if you saw your baby eat poo and I go he's sexually advanced I go look at advance my baby yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah baby poop stuff I think also I don't I'm confused over how you bring that up because you have to reach a certain age

and maturity level with your partner to talk about what you really want them to do you know like you know when you start dating girls when you're younger you don't kind of know how to say like what you like and then you get older and you're like fuck it I'll tell you everything that I like what's the day what's the day that you go I'm gonna tell her to poop on me I gotta tell her to poop on me but do you do it you went out subtly you enough for Thai food the night before you have to do a subtly how do you subtly sorry farts you used over the year you have to ease into it so you fart on them yeah like so I

imagine right a woman is on her back right and and you're making her blow it like this wait wait wait but you're on you ever do that style no yeah so she's on her back on the bed imagine she doesn't look on the floorboard right the floorboard at the floor but the back of the bed okay how she on her back she's on her knees there how are you on the headboard and your back is behind you but right here okay okay well her butts into the bed and you're gonna explain go do it come here Carlos Carlos get down there let's see it I gotta know how this so he's the girl Carlos is the girl okay I see it got it yeah so you're

farting okay you farting away but then you do this and now make it so you flip around okay so first you fart away then you fart face at them okay but one night like do a double fart okay but when you fart do you apologize the first time yeah like oh oops I'm sorry I'm sorry that you know I'm so embarrassed Chipotle and if they say it's okay yeah yeah oh that's the first exact that's the first that's the first they go oh and the it stops the right you gotta get a new girl you know like an F1 they have the colored lights that done done that's what it is when you fart done yeah the first one yeah the second one is you

flip around and then the first part in their face and you go oh I'm so sorry they go it's okay it's okay and then and then you go there's no there's way more I'm gonna shit I'm gonna shit on you there's ten of them oh there's so many lights there's bum bum bum it doesn't go from reverse fart to fucking shit see I think it might no you cuz what if you fart on them and they go that's a green light that's that's good right or you eat a really bad like food yeah you do the reverse mm-hmm and the fart has moisture and it gets on their face right and then if they don't if they take a napkin or you mean a tissue and wipe it

hmm that's not good let's go back to you if they like they have a face full of pudding yeah you know what's great about this yeah someone's driving to work right now listen someone's on their way to their regular job they're listening to us talk about fart face stuff and they're like that's how I do it yeah that's how you let me get a pen in the Tesla and that takes about probably six months to a year so that's the amount of time yeah factor you guys I love food but I'm on the go I'm a busy guy and what I like is really clean delicious meals but what I love about factor is that it's not frozen hey what do you

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power up deliciously satisfying meals with 30 grams of protein or more if you're looking to get jacked but factor has everything you need to try to get something quick and fast in your tummy go to factors 75 comm slash bad friends 130 and use the code bad friends 130 to get 130 dollars off across six boxes what deal that's code bad friends 130 at go dot factors 75 comm slash bad friends 130 for $130 off go to factor 75 comm slash bad friends 130 for $130 off but do you think there's a girl that just goes you're having Christian sex and then just one day just go can I shit on you or can you shit on me I bet you yeah yeah

I think I've heard of that a hundred percent and it doesn't that go I mean this just seems like I mean that's a big question yeah but at some point you probably run out of you're like I can't do this anymore I got to tell you I got to tell you how I feel about this stuff otherwise I'm gonna keep hiding it from me that I watch poop videos at night yeah I think I'm just a missionary cowgirl kind of guy you're you are you a girl you are a cute little cowgirl aren't you yeah or reverse car girl you mean those are that like the moves that's the top yeah I don't go beyond it why because I just kissing and make have sticking my

penis in the vagina is the good enough so you love kissing while you have sex yeah you don't like that no no I do I'm just saying it depends on the kind of sex I'm having well there's two different kinds there's many different kinds buddy tell me the times times I'm sweating now well when two people love love each other very much tell me daddy don't do that cuz I don't I'm gonna get hard if you do that don't say that again oh no there's fucking there's making love there's having sex there's experimenting don't do it you know this turns me on so what the fuck sometimes when you kiss yeah you're you're you're

making love yeah I don't think I ever kiss when we're fucking it's hard to kiss if you're fucking yeah cuz it's like it's just in a pat it's like a hot you know like I just came home I haven't seen you in a while it's just it's fucking it's hot you know something we're not fucking you know what sometimes we're not fucking yeah what happens I'll grab the fucking your hair grab her hair yeah her mouth opens uh-huh and like a fucking you know like smog oh yeah the dragon mm-hmm from the hobbit I think I'll stick it in in the mouth like that right and I'll do a fired spit whoa fire spit is this show family

friendly I don't know sometimes I think about rating is it I this it's gotta be sweating I don't know why it's hot in here yeah but you start swimming when I called you daddy I started getting a little pokey pokey pokey you call me daddy I love it I love it too I think it's one of those things oh dude you know what I just saw today by the way yeah you know they're doing clerks three they're doing clerks three and it's filled with famous and I mean because I just saw someone at a cameo that we know someone that we're friends with did it and I was like I didn't even did you hear that this was a thing I had no fucking idea look

at the names that are in this thing though yeah do cameo oh yes see there's some that wasn't all them the trailer was or whatever I saw was insane how many people were in this fucking thing I don't think he likes me Kevin Smith I've had conversations with them scoot zoom in look Ben Affleck Sarah Michelle of course he went to that that's the clan no I'm just saying but they're all doing it is what you want to be in that wow do I want to be in it yeah I don't know what business I would have in that movie I mean you know what I mean like I just kind of like I would I don't know what would they use me for I don't know

them but it's nuts dude it's crazy that they I didn't even I didn't even know it was a real thing did you ever see the original clerks yeah yeah it's a great fucking movie movies have you seen all of the movies she's seen pretty much all the movies Kevin Smith every Wes Anderson movie yeah dog mom was my favorite of his oh yeah you know it's so funny you've been around yeah but my step mom had it on VHS so yeah I'd watch it over and over and over again did you like chasing Amy yeah I like chasing Amy that dog was like the best chasing Amy might be my favorite oh yeah I like that one I don't know why I just love it so

much it's just such like a great I don't know I just something about it let me just last night I try to watch Beast what's that yeah the Idris Alba yeah you guys seen it yeah you saw it yeah the whole movie yeah it's me ask you something it's beats not beast beast it's called beads beads anal oh anal beads obese that's that's what I said same same anal beasts anal beast yeah okay so I so I'm not there's no spoiler here sure cuz I'm gonna talk about the first three minutes of the movie and I stopped because at this point like I see poachers right killing I guess that guy's pride right kill and then he kills

the poachers and stuff yeah that makes sense and at the end after the end of that three minutes I'm like I don't need to watch this I already know who signed them on the fucking Idris Alba no the lion the lion side you're not on Idris Alba side no whoa because he's not in the beginning of the movie these other whoa you're saying that's interesting given what's going on in the world are you because of BLM what is I mean I didn't even say that what are you what are you saying wait that's what I thought you're saying thank you so much my friend whoa whoa what are you saying I'm on the because if it was like

in Jaws just hear me out mm-hmm in Jaws right it's we don't know the Jaws' backstory we just think that he's this creature out of control huge that's all true and Monch Monch on people that's right we don't know his motivation his motivation is to eat yeah right but in this movie the first three minutes are like oh I understand this lion's motivation and I hate the fact that his family was slaughtered by humans and so if this fucking lion eats all the humans in the movie I'm gonna be on the lines has nothing to do with color if it was Hugh Jackman there I would have said the same thing

chalyon fat lion side I don't know what the fuck you're trying to do right now I'm not I'm letting you do it on your own yeah you heard of here first well you're on Idris aside Bobby hates Idris Alba that's not what I said just because he's black is the movie get better after that yes okay I'll watch it and do you eventually get on Idris Alba side never wow sounds like another racist Spanish guy to me no because you know you see those videos I'll tell you right now I'm on Idris aside I haven't even seen it on his side whatever he did whatever he did whatever he does why just because I love him he's a handsome beautiful guy who's

cool and great at acting yeah as an actor you fucking cock right no in real life yeah in real life he's an actor I love him as a fucking actor right and in the story whatever the story is whatever he did he could have been opening scene you could have had a lion's throat just and I'd have been like on his side okay what if he was eating babies on his side human babies but what if he's hungry what is he doing he's out there in the wild he's hunting down lions it takes forever you get starving get a couple babies in the truck eat him up yeah yeah what if the babies were black are they his babies yeah I don't know

they're just they're black they're black babies we don't know so he's eating black babies yeah yeah white babies oh come on yeah I'm okay with eating white babies yeah if he's eating black babies that's a really tough one how about if it's idiom means babies totally in yeah good yeah totally fine with it good I want to watch it then I should watch the Beast yeah I try to watch more Tyson last night my the mic show is it good yeah it's interesting I told you about that before but I but but then they get into the then they get into the naughty stuff that Mikey did and then you're like it's a little tough to watch what I'm I saw

the dark-sided comedy and guess who makes appearances in it Bobby Lee Bobby Lee but you know why you're good in it why no well because you're a comedian that's not why that's not why the reason why is because when they were doing the series right they're gonna do one on Roseanne dice and they go they called me to go we're doing one about you the judge do the judge did this right well no judge didn't do it wait we're doing what about you whether you're involved or not we're doing it no yeah how though let me how cuz the TV episodes are all about these big comics who lost their career I'm not wrong I'm not fucking fun that's what

they're about and your career is not lost maybe they were they were maybe they had a good save but basically what you're saying maybe they're foreshadowing maybe they're like we gotta get this out before you crash the juice it's a good save but basically what you meant by that is that doesn't make any sense they're about big comics no you're a big comic but the whole point the dark side of it is like how they lost it all dice clay Chris Barley Roseanne there did they lose already laying yes you think maybe they thought they maybe they have a crystal ball they did not ask I was afraid because they were like we want to

do about your drug addiction and I'm like there's not much out there and so I go I'll just do it just don't do one on me and then they go I'll just they go which one do you want to go I got the only one I really am close to his dice I'll do the dice one good I'm glad you did I want to see it I haven't seen what is it on Hulu maybe I'll watch it yeah yeah no you that they can't make an episode on you I don't know the way you're saying it though it just hurts me it just it just sounds like they definitely can make an episode on you the way you're talking about well that's what they they called you and so

they're doing it have you seen it no the the reason why I'm on dice is with the negotiation was that don't do one on me yeah that's good you're smart that's why they're not that's why you don't have an episode on that's exactly right yeah you knew you knew but is it good it's a well done it's really good but yeah at the end it's like and that's what killed him that's how they end every episode and that's what killed him pretty much that's what killed him once again I think you know what but if but would you let someone do a comedy documentary on you anyway in general yeah I think that's like 15 years away

though just to have more shit to like more stories to make because right now but but you do you ever want to like write a book I've been offered that I have people go can you do story book or have someone else write your book I mean for you that's not me taking a shot you're definitely not gonna write a book that's a shot tell me you're gonna write your own book right now I'll write my own book say you promise and you swear you swear on everything swear on your mother's life you'll write it want to do a book okay see no no no cuz I know you'll never you'll never write a book doesn't that's what I don't want to

write a book no it's not that you can't write it it's you won't I know how to write the lingus lingus so can we admit that I just said you can thank you but you never will ever yeah you'll never write a book your whole life but what about a ghost writer that's what he said that's exactly what I said oh yeah then yes yes you'll have someone else write the book but I'll be there in the room yeah sometimes well give me the draft give you the first draft and I'll read it and I'll make notes yeah that's kind of writing not at all no when somebody says I wrote this book and somebody else wrote it I just think

they are not allowed to say they wrote any of it you didn't write any of it that's that's true if you told a joke and it wasn't your joke I'm like you told someone else's joke yeah that's true you didn't tell your did the fucking that's not your property to yeah it's such a weird line when people have these big crews of people that write jokes for them and they get all the credit but they're like well I paid you it's like I know but you didn't come up with it let me ask you something about and this is something I've been thinking about your past and you're talking about I'm talking about stuff memories from

childhood yeah high school whatever the past is and the way I remember things and I feel and experienced it isn't necessarily is it exactly the way it happened no right there's always something else like your through time they get exaggerated or you miss detail right right or something so I just you know how can you one write a book when it's when that's in play well this was the whole thing about the James Frey thing do you remember the James Frey million little pieces do you remember this controversy I forget it's like one of the best books I've ever read but Oprah at one point like touted it as like you

know she did like their Oprah book club where it was like she'd get these great books but then it came out that the story wasn't a true right autobiography there was some fiction to it and he got ripped online yeah little pieces fuck yeah juice he got ripped for it to say like his account was falsified and it was and then he had to go like an apology tour and all this stuff and it was like dude our entertainment is going to be hyperboleized every joke you've ever told is not 100% accurate or true we talked at lunch about when I say my dad sometimes I'm blending a story from my real dad and sometimes from my stepdad

and I make them one guy because it helps the story I have stories that I heard from other people of course you mean that I'm like I'm gonna incorporate that into my getting molested by a down syndrome guy was that that was yours there's like there's one in particular about the alien guy well I was an AA meeting I met a guy oh yeah yeah it took me to the van that happened to my other friend not it not to you no yeah that's what I took on that story and I've said that you're in that's totally that's a part of entertainment so that's my problem is when someone's like that's not the whole truth it's like yeah I'm not

a fucking reporter for the news I'm not yeah yeah this is all this is all for fun and entertainment I know I know but it gets it gets it gets yeah it gets all foggy people want it to always be real like Ben Harper became a buddy and I had said I asked him when we first hung out if he really smoked a lot of pot because his most famous song was burn one down it was like a college anthem for every frat guy yeah and he's like I don't I don't smoke pot that was a that was me speaking as if I was one of my closest friends who he's like in my mind is like a pot addict or a pothead he smokes pot all day every day and so he took on this

personality of this to write this song yet every fan thinks it's been yeah but Ben doesn't they don't doesn't smoke pot yeah so I'm like that's the beauty and if you found out that it's true does that make you hate the song now yeah that's not fair that's not fair because you loved the song it's like it's like you love the the joke you love the the story that someone tells what why does it matter I mean there are factual things like I grew up in San Diego my parents don't have clothing business your dad beat you with a golf club all this stuff is real yeah was it a golf club or was it something else there was something else

see pinball ping-pong paddle and to me that's funnier and I don't know why you got rid of that one that one's better ping-pong paddle ping-pong paddle which side the green of the red you know you got the red side the red side yeah it's harder yeah that's so funny that you got beat with that like do you have a joke like that where you you hyperboleize the truth you expand on the you know the you stretch what wasn't didn't really happen or whatever yeah I have some stuff about that yeah give us an example oh yeah no do it no I used to have a joke about my dad not calling me back because that would happen sometimes he'd be busy and

I so but I but it wasn't like never so but so I hyperboleized that in the joke where it's like that song cats cradle you know that song and it's like so this moment yeah yeah and this would be like I got home from college and I called my dad he said he'd call me back but he never did like stupid yeah yeah yeah that's pretty innocent it's innocent yeah yeah yeah we all do it yeah well it's a part of storytelling and joke writing that I think is so it's like it's so interesting is when you hear something people do go is that true yeah is that is that part true yeah and you're like I don't know do you really want to know doesn't that

take away some of the fucking fun yeah it's kind of like you know what I mean crazy yeah you kind of wanted to live in this fun a fun realm yeah in a vacuum of whatever it is and then you enjoy it and then it's then it's done and it's like who cares yeah I also find it weird that like you know at the end of the day my life isn't that exciting nobody's is you know people think that I have this exciting life no it's awfully boring I woke up I looked on the my news thing on my phone look at the text I drank some coffee I just sat there for an hour yeah like what do I do today the day is not that fun I woke up this morning I went

to a fitting yeah you know I I ended up getting stoned with with little pump and a bunch of his crew then I went had lunch with like Snoop and it was like that's not it's not even that fun it was a salad yeah who gives a shit if I have a salad yeah exactly right and it's like it's just not nothing is that it's not that crazy like Michael Shannon I went bowling this afternoon but it's like big fucking deal that you could anybody could do you know what your life you know I know you know when I was done I went to I took a private chat up to San Francisco to meet Taylor Swift just like go over her set cuz she's like I

just want you to hammer it out but it's like that's not fun it's not me doing the set it's Taylor you know yeah but can I be honest to you yeah in New York there is a part of that about you what are you talking about you go I'm gonna go have dinner with my friend when I say his name I go can I go and you're like I guess so you brought me to this fancy restaurant first of all let's be honest if we're gonna say it's a friend no but if we're gonna be honest I was very excited you wanted to go I was like do you really want to go I heard I guess you are see this is what we just had talked about you heard what you want to hear I

heard like I had to fight for it oh my god you're such a victim it's insane and I you literally your famous friend and I said do you really want to go cuz we can change the reservation I'd love to have you but you got to seriously want to go cuz you made it sound like maybe I'll go to dinner maybe I won't okay so I was like I'd love to have you so I went we know we went just get to that yeah okay fine we went to this fancy restaurant right and his super famous friend we didn't do it we went and had dinner with a guy yeah that's what I'm saying is that that whole rant that you wanted before it is similar to your life no

that's yeah because I know certain things about you you're going to a special I'm not gonna say name but you're going on a special trip with special you know fuck you you're going a special trip with special people where you had to call make arrangements right it's only it's I couldn't go there you know that well if I wanted to go could I go only because what we're going to do exactly my point is is that we're going golfing you don't go you do do things that I don't you don't golf if you go I'm never invited anything like then go to a League of Legends tournaments with famous people go to like a fucking and

now you're doing fucking you're making fun of me because I play video games no I'm not I'm saying that's your thing you make fun of me because I golf that's my thing what I'm saying guy you two guys you do do do am I right though I you would go to what your hobby is with your friends let me just say something all right look at me right now so what I'm basically saying is this all right this dude right here right he does adventures that are not normal that's not true you are I'm with you thank you that's not true it's so dude if I'm not gonna say it but if I told you who was going on this trip with you to fucking

some far away the island destination in the woods right that's exclusive only and everybody on there is like holy fuck that's like the biggest name I've ever seen that you go fuck yourself end of story it's cuz I'm going golfing with people see what he's doing but I mean dude if your hobby back me up can you back me up no if your hobbies included that stuff like I went like when I went to Steph Curry's thing that's because Steph Curry plays golf and has a golf tournament right so I went because my friend knows him okay that's so cool though that's so cool it is part of your life yeah you'll be a little not every

golf or my dad put golf for 30 years he never was never met Steph Curry was not that good that's the problem all right the point is that it is there are some guys like you yeah I have my friend Mike Young was like that too he's still alive yeah I know yeah yeah but my like where you they go they go on these adventures that I would never go on but it but okay okay okay let me play devil's advocate it's because you don't want to go on a lot of these things you rather just chill I would literally suck can you help me with that yeah I will say when did I go to the dinner in New York you did you did you did but but if

it was in LA you wouldn't come Bobby I thought Mike invited you into Tobin McGuire's house that's right that's right and you didn't want to go I was that was 20 years ago what's the difference at the time you didn't want to go then you don't want to go now I want to go now you want to go to Tob's place I'll go anywhere you have any call Tob Tob no I don't want to call Tob Tob I don't that's not the guy I want to my point is this is it my life day-to-day is normal yours is not and let's move on okay see this is unfair this is where you'll disagree yeah my life day-to-day is very normal occasionally I do occasionally I do

other stuff I do other stuff occasionally yeah I like golf yeah I like golfing okay it's what it's my escape it's the only thing I have dinners with famous people he's my friend okay that's it what do you argue about you're special no you make it sound like like I have I live this insane fan while I go to a meetings with plumbers we flew we flew on 9-11 did you feel a little weird no I almost posted a video of the plane and then I put that song juicy oh yeah from biggie yeah from biggie and there's a line in it where he says he's blowing up like the world trade oh my god really that wasn't deliberate though that was

totally on accident on accident but I'm really glad I didn't post it well you did I thought I saw it no it's something got like I almost posted it but the service went out because we were like taking off and then it didn't post and then I felt weird listening to the song and I was like thank god I didn't post it did you feel weird flying on 9-11 I was excited I was like you hope it was gonna happen to you yeah well of course but well where were you coming back from Austin where are you down there I went to a football game with my family just this guy rich kid I yes you see okay so see you can make fun of me for living

life but like he lives this rich fancy boy life yeah but he he gets a jet set at will wherever he wants we never did the work I know that's what sucks that's what sucks never did the work you did the works I'm just playing with you I love that this dude right here no work he was born I'm literally at work right now this is not this is not work this is not where you press the button so diminishing yeah fancy pushes the buttons wait time out what do you do for us I'm googling for you okay he's right he's right he's right I honestly though we love Carlos we love you literally I honestly well I want to work with you

for the rest of my life I just think that you're so proficient like in New York you really help me out you'd call me you would get to wait until you see the new trash Tuesday and see if you still like him or what do you do what did you do what did you do sit now say it right now so we can fucking brace for it when it happens Kalyla or whoa Annie pulled out a tampon it was like an ultra tampon it was really big and she dipped it in water and made it all wet and Kalyla grabbed it and I thought I was gonna like play with the tampon or something but then Kalyla made it mistletoe oh my god and what I got peer

pressured and what put the mic near your mouth I want to hear you say I want to hear you say what you did peer pressured and what it was just a little and what there's a little dab on like tongue if this is Kalyla it looks like her it would it would just be this okay I want to watch the video oh my god and if it's not that it is that I be honest with me right now I'm tough this is my one chance to tell the truth yeah yeah I want to see something right now I kind of want to take a walk for a minute with fire that's the last pack you get no no no no no no no I should let go do not let it go yeah you're right do not hold

on to this son of a bitch yeah there it is you Mexican beast shit yeah hit him hard hit him harder than that yeah that's not enough hit him hard you balding mediocre that's great right get it going lazy hit him hard entitled do not pull off yeah go take off living off your Mexican money fuck yeah we're flying now I Mexican money now ascend talentless ooh that one hurts right yeah bean yes in being yeah yeah can I ask you yeah all jokes aside no don't no yeah yeah don't ask hey hey did you get aroused did you like it look at me in the face look at me in the face don't look away stop looking away look at me in the

face the whole time fancy pull the mic near his mouth don't close your eyes don't shift your eyes because you know what they say when you're lying your shifter you shift your eyes look me in the eyes did you like it I did not like it Andrew I look straight at he fucking loved it Bobby look at me he liked it more oh whoa she complimented my kiss oh she complimented mine she was like oh your lips are like pillows oh can I say go ahead you acted out shitting on him just in a few minutes that's right you did yeah you did for comedy okay well this was for comedy that's not was it I mean you got to ask Annie and then oh look

at me in the face ask me did you like it like you're me and I'm Carlos go ahead ask me I'm Carlos did you like it I did not that's what he did that's what he did and it was so see-through yeah I saw his brain going say no say no say no say no say no say no like you would have gone to prison if you're in court yeah lock him up yeah did you murder miss Andrews no you're going to prison they know yeah yeah my god Carlos well what do we have to do now to make up for this blasphemy can I ask you another question and since we're here and you know what if you're honest with you right now I am being there's no consequence have you ever

jerked off to a Kaleila no no don't don't answer so fast so fast don't answer so fucking fast have you ever jerked off to Kaleila slow down be conscious of the answer jerk off huh sex workers you only jerk off to sex workers yeah okay so let's let we need to rectify this on another episode yeah but I got to tell you I love you I've always loved you Carlos you know we've been close for years I think you're such a wonderful person this is gonna be tough whatever comes to this is just gonna be tough and I hope you just you just got it he's got to deal with the wrath of Bobby Lee yep this is getting twisted is Bobby

Lee somebody that holds a grudge and an X some awful shit on people he holds a grudge on you better believe it you better believe it is this gonna be an easy ride for you it's gonna be pretty bumpy I'd strap on put a strap on on I'm ready okay I can't look at Bobby right now no and you and honestly would it be let me ask you something have you ever been in a relationship yes he was married you're married right yeah if I kissed your ex-wife well that's different he wouldn't talk about that after you broke up with her would that be weird it would be weird yeah so that's how I feel you know I'm on Carlos

aside for one second he was bullied into kissing the girls pushed him around they bully him over I see what they do to him it's insane I thought I was gonna suck on the tampon oh did you say I almost looked on the tit what did you say you're gonna suck on coliless tits going to edit it so he said yes let me ask you this question right this is a simple question right if Andrew was dying from disease I am kind of who knows right right and the only way to cure him he's gonna die in seven days Carlos is to eat coliless vagina you have to go down on Kalyla I'm dying Andrew yeah you fucking ass I'm not dying it was an act

I was as an ad you know he's not dying you know I'm not dying disease oh we just saw your true colors fucking put you in a safe Andrew yeah he's not dying what disease they kill somebody in seven days okay time out yeah time up okay give another one juicy is dying we know she's dying she's very very sick what kind of cancer do you have mouth mouth cancer you have it's gonna fall off it's gonna fall off the whole thing and the only way to save her is we've we've set up this only fans stream yeah and you are gonna have to eat Kalyla's ass to save Jetski Jetski tell him how much you need this I'm everything I do with my mouth

she eats with it right you need Kalyla's ass no juicy you're out that was a trick that was a trick that was a trick is dying she actually is dying and that's fucking awful that you would sit that would say that damn it I'm sorry yeah yeah wow dude you just can't win you can't win this yeah well I gotta tell you I think he should close the show you tell the audience what that what you want them to hear about what's going on cuz Bobby I gotta tell you is frazzled I can feel I know he's it's a sigh I'm sorry for being a bad friend and he got ripped online yeah really in little pieces ironically fuck yeah juice yeah

that's great man come on give her credit for that great joke come on Bobby I didn't know it was that the book what the books calls no little pieces yeah say it again say it again say it again ready he got ripped online he got ripped into a million little pieces perfect do we get that we can cut that yeah you're not a Jedi okay okay all right since when since when what am I then in the Star Wars universe yeah you and I are mechanics on the Death Star on the first one that explodes we have the tools you and I like oh we're done yeah you what it would you would be Princess Leia no what are you talking about you're like

the fifth wheel in Jabba's fucking hot you know what those dancing girls yeah you're in the waiting room he never used you yeah why did he not you know the lady with the little horn she's dancing with the chain right I'm working the cashier you know you're not even that you're just in a waiting room and you've been there for like 20 years that's her right there that is literally her that's you yeah that's that's you dancing for Jabba dancing for Jabba