Bad Friends - The Diamond Brothers

Episode Date: January 16, 2023

Thank you to our Sponsors: https://betterhelp.com/badfriends & https://rocketmoney.com/badfriends & https://babbel.com/BADFRIENDS & https://www.bespokepost.com code: BADFRIENDS   YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com 0:00 Watch Cheeseburger on Netflix 0:24 This Is What Is Hip for the Kids 5:46 All The Way Around 11:08 Santino Doesn’t Make the Cut on Bobby’s Biography Book 17:28 Santino the chimp and the Size of Bobby's Brain 27:27 Privates, Captains and Brigadier General 37:14 Bobby's Diamond Harvesting Plans 48:27 Sleeping Arrangements on the Bad Friends Tour 55:38 Never Lend Money to Bobby 1:06:34 Going Deep w/ Deep Space 9 More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger:  https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino  Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Juicy Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jetskijohnson/?hl=en More Rudy Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendrudy More Fancy Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fancyb.1 More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/   Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod   Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom  Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: 7EQUIS https://www.7equis.net/ Podcast Producers: Andrés Rosende & Pete Forthun This video contains paid promotion. #bobbylee #andrewsantino #badfriends Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey bad friends, my special cheeseburger is out right now on Netflix. Please watch it, please share it, tell people, double thumbs up, like it, and tell everyone you know to watch Cheeseburger on Netflix right now. Thanks for watching, and don't forget to like, share, and subscribe to our channel. What are you doing with these big old stilts? I want to be taller. No, they look tight. I'm not going to lie.

That's what's hip for the kids. Yeah. These are cool. Wait, wait. That's what's hip for the kids? 100%. That is absolutely a hip shoe for the kids. Type in hip shoes for kids.

I will say I had red laces on them. And then last night at the store, people told me to take them off because I guess that's what the Nazis are doing. Yeah. You knew that? Yeah. Well, they love the color red. Okay.

And black. Yes, we do. Wow. Wait, what? No, do hip shoes for Gen Z. You're Gen Z, aren't you? I'm a millennial, but thank you. Are you really?

I thought you were Gen Z. 32. Oh, you just made it. Right? Is that what it is? No, you're the... Oh, no, no, no. There they are.

Wow. Wow. Buttega venera. That's how much mine was. Those are $1,500? Yeah. Oh, wow. Wow.

I've been saving up all my money for that. Amazing. Well, let's give a lot of... Let's give love where love is due. What? I got to tell you something, man. I love you. You've been...

I love you. You were a little hostile the other night, but let's move on from it. Can I talk about it? A little hostile, but let's move on from it. No, because they... Can I talk about it? Yeah. It's going to enrage me and I'm in a good mood.

I want... No, you're not listening to me. Please, go ahead. Can you... Let me finish. It's an apology. I'm saying, I am... I told you I'm sorry that night because I didn't like an interaction.

And I love you. And I even sat on the stairs. I said, I don't want something like that to get between us. And it... Look at me in the face. It never will... It never will again. Really?

Not at you. But it came at me. Well, you know why I was mad and you agreed that it was not okay. What happened? I didn't do anything. No, no, no. So the interaction that you had before me was not okay, which I agree with. Yeah.

But you brought that hostility into my life. Look at me. I apologize. I apologize. I love you very much. I love you. I love you. I love you so much.

I apologize. I was bummed. You were bummed. And Bobby didn't deserve any of the... I saw him walking on the hallway and I can just tell he has like that Northman thing. He brings his shoulders in and he's just like walking that directly toward me, right? Now I look for axes. When they have...

You know, when they walk like that, I look for the axes and the knife. Yeah, that. I look for all that shit, right? So does he have that? No, it's probably in the car. In my head, right? It is. And he comes up to me and he goes, hey, you.

Yeah. Like, you know, like a Viking. Like a Viking. Japanese Viking? That's my Viking. Hey, you. None. Hey, you.

Is that a pirate? Kind of. I don't know. Kind of piratey. Yeah. Hey, you. Yeah. And you just...

How come you're like something about like phone calls? I haven't made any phone calls for people. I love when you make phone calls. Yeah, I know. That's what it is. That's what it is. I need you to make phone calls. No, because you were trying to get me to call people.

No. I know what it was. Yeah. I know exactly what it was. It doesn't matter. No, I want it. Can I just bring it up? Yeah, fine.

All right. You're... How come you're agents? You're about my agents. Yeah. Right. And it was about like, what do I have to do with my agents? I'm not going to talk at night, though.

We're trying to go on tour. Let's see. There it is. Send them an email. Anyway, I accept your apology, and... You're welcome. ...you're welcome. That's that.

I love you. God bless. I love you, too. And can I say something? What? Two things. One, thanks to the fans locally in LA, sold out the shows for the bad friends two nights and all the money's going to the door.

Humans? What? Can I just say something? Yeah. You want to keep some of the money? No. one of the dormant not get any money. Yeah, you know what's so funny?

Yeah. Me? No, not you. No, no, yeah, she doesn't get anything. No, I want her to get the money. She gets nothing. Well, we did the math because we were talking about what if there's one door guy that doesn't do a good job.

We're like, what if he doesn't get the money? We did the math and it's like an extra $22 for each of us. Nice. So it's kind of not worth. That's how much you're making? No, we divided it into. Oh, I see. The 26 of us.

There's 26 door people, right. So it's kind of not worth just like stabbing them in the back to split it. Lockwood. No. You know why? He deserves it. He's so funny.

He did something last week and he's doubling down and I just have to sit and get this up like this. He's so fucking funny. Yeah. Whatever he did, I'm going to laugh. Go ahead. Go ahead. Okay, you're arranging.

You're doing the Northman thing again. I'm not Northman at all. Yeah. He's just kidding. You're not doing the shoulder, but I can tell that are good. What do you do? So you know how the main room front door

after the show starts is completely closed? Yeah. Right. So then what we have to do is we have to go all the way around the building. It's not that big of a deal. Yeah. Forget it.

You know, I don't want to. What? You already sided with him. You don't know what the fuck it is yet. No, I sided with you. Yeah. Yeah. I was just saying, yes.

I have something in my throat. I know. I'm good. Okay. So anyway. So I'm in the patio. I'm like. You're going to make me go all the way around.

That's not the point. You're going to make me go all the way around. You're going to make me go. All the way around. All the way around. Oh no. You're going to make me go all the way around. Okay.

So he made you go all the way around because the door was closed. So what? The door was closed. He made you go all the way around. No, that's not what happened. Wahapa. I'm in the patio. I'm like, I got to get in the main room because I left my jacket

in the main room, green room. You've done that so many times. It's unbelievable. So I go, let me just check the front door. Right. So I go out in the front door. I'm about to approach it. Right.

I'm kind of where the opening where the patio is. I'm coming around the corner. I see Lockwood walk out of the main room front door. He looks at me, smiles, and shuts the door. That's awesome. Shout out to Matt Lockwood. And I go, bro, you look, you saw me. You couldn't hold the door.

And he's like, amen. Policy dog. Right. And so I had to go all the way around. Why don't you keep a couple of jackets in the main room, green room, because you've left so many. Why don't you just act like a secondary closet? What do you mean?

I still have to go back to get the jacket. No, but I'm saying, leave a couple jackets there. If I leave the jackets there, all the jackets will be there. I have to go all the way around. Oh, you know what I mean? I don't want to go all the way around. Make it your jacket closet. Or what about this?

How about not close the front door? I like that. That's better. Yeah, that makes more sense. It doesn't make any sense, because what if people come to the show late? They got to do the knock, right? They do, but that's their message.

That's the store's message saying, don't be late. The show already started. Anyway, so can we not give him money? That sounds good. Because last night, I gave him shit about it, and he goes, I don't give a fuck, dog. He does not. He does not.

He does not care. And so now, I'm believing that he wants to start some sort of war with me. He does. OK, that being said, I need to win. Let's call him up. Yeah, I'll call him. Let's see what this fucking guy's got to say.

I told him you really like to be, like, complimented and stuff. I don't need that. What the fuck are you talking about? Delete that. Yeah, you do. Leave that in. You're a little bastard.

Hey, you're on Bad Friends. Bobby's out here saying that he thinks you're trying to start a war with him, because you closed the door on him from the front, and you made him go all the way around to the back. Yeah, Motherfucker could use some exercise. Whoa! Motherfucker could use some exercise.

Listen, I'm not trying to start a war, dog, but if he wants to come at me, he's going to come at somebody who's going to fight back. What do you got to say, buddy? The war's on. The war is on. The war's on. All right, let's go.

Let's go. All right. He's not afraid of you. I know you're not, because I'm small and you're a big guy. I get it. Oh, so you're saying he's a big guy. You think in high school, in high school, you were able to do that to little Asian guys in high school?

I know you did that, but my point is that this is a different world. All right? And I'm a big boy now. All right, you want to start a war? I'll start a war. You started it. You closed the door on me. I'm going to finish it, bro.

No, let me ask you this, Matt. Did you close the door on me? Yeah, I slammed it. I slammed it shut. There we go. So that's the war. You started the war. That's first blood.

All right. OK. Hey, Latino. Yeah, Bob. You got my back, yeah? I love you, dog. All right, I appreciate you. Bye.

He's the best. All right, so. I got to tell you something. You're going to back him? Well, here's the deal. No. He's like 6'6". He's big.

He's a big, big boy. He's fat, though. And he's got nothing to laugh at. I've seen 600-pound life. He's not. They're tall as well, but they can't move. I got to tell you, he's a big boy. I know he's a big boy.

But he looks like he might have some. Here's what I'm going to say to you. Whoa. Just run. No. I think you should run. Bro, I don't need your help in the war. Because the kind of war that I'm going to fight

is not physical. What kind of war do you do? Korean. Korean? What do you say? Korean. Oh. Korean War?

Korean War Part II. We already won that one, didn't we? We were on our side. What are you talking about? Wait, I'm a Korean? No, America was on the Korean side during the Korean War. It was North Korea versus South Korea in the war. I was rooting for North.

I know you were. I wanted them to win so bad. It was one redheaded guy. It was your family on the other side. I know. Yo, how fun would that be an image of panning, overseeing all these Koreans, and then just one redheaded guy with a gun?

What is he doing in that crew? Yeah. Two things. First of all, we do like the shoes. Second of all, the teddy bear shirt, fire. Fire. You like it? I love it.

You like it? Pretty good. I like your style. I love that you guys are complimenting me. Well, because you're the best, Juice. We love you. It's the holidays. I'm feeling good.

Happy Hanukkah. Merry Christmas. Happy Kwanzaa. When does this come out? After that? Yes. Yeah, it's already over. Yeah, it's already over.

Happy New Year? Happy New Year? Is this Happy New Year? Happy New Year. Happy New Year. Happy Father's Day. What? Have we had a great New Year?

Great. For a second, because it's the New Year, let's reflect. What happened great in 2022? Oh, shit. I have so much to be reflecting. Well, fucking, let's hear it. Let me see. Go ahead.

No, I was saying, I hope I'm part of it. Well, I mean, you're going to be in the book. What? You're definitely in the book. What do you mean the book? My autobiography, When I Die. Food note. I'll be a footnote in the book.

No, no, no. If I have a book about my life. Yeah, I'll be a chat. I'll have ghost writers. I'll be a chapter. You think you have how many chapters on the book? 3,000? If there's 3,000 chapters, you'll be a chapter.

That would be awesome. You don't think the bad friends chapter of your life is a massive part of your life. You really don't think so? I don't understand the question. Can you explain it to me? I don't think you're going to get a book. Yes, not with this kind of fucking mind check.

How many chapters are in the book? Can I ask you that? In a book, what is the average? I've never read one, so what are the average numbers? I'll give you your 40. You'll be a chapter. 40 chapters are good. He doesn't know what he's talking about.

He's never read a fucking book. I'll say this. This is your chapters in your life. Ready? San Diego, abuse, drugs, laundromats. That's chapter one. Chapter two. Dynamite detail on the railroads.

Chapter two. Don't forget that. Chapter two. Stand up, struggling, La Jolla, Comedy Store. Chapter three, Calyla. OK. Chapter four. The Santino years?

Is that what you're fucking saying? Yeah. Oh, so chapter four is Santino years. Yeah, the Santino years. All right. Chapter five. Let me ask you death. Can I ask you a question, though, real quick?

About books, right? Can the chapter be one page? Sure. Then you'll have the fourth chapter. Yeah, if the chapter is one page, you can have it. And there's 30 chapters. So disrespectful. Well, how many chapters am I in your book?

You're the whole book. You're the whole book. Oh, it's called Bobby Lee and Me. It's called Me and Bob. Yeah, Me and Bob. Me and Bobby Lee. Me and Bobby Lee. Listen to how that rings.

Me and Bobby Lee. You know what, dude? I'll be honest with you. If my book is Tom Sawyer, you're huckleberry fin. That feel better? If this is Myson Mann, you're the big guy. Am I? I'm the one.

You are. I crushed the mouse in my hand. If our book, how about this? If our book is Phantom of the Opera. Yeah, I've never, I don't know. I'm the Phantom. Yeah, and I'm the opera? You're Christine.

I can't be the opera? Because I love you, but I can't really have you. Oh, OK. But I really, really want you. And I want to capture you and bring you down to my layer and hold you captive and sing you songs. But in Myson Mann, that big guy, what was his name? Do you guys remember?

Stop, stop, stop. Hold on. Don't even Google it. It was his name is Lenny. Lenny? But in the book, I don't know if I read it, but does he kill mice in his hands? I don't know if I read it.

The book, I don't know if I read it. OK. What are the chances that you read it then? I think I read it. Because I think I distinctly, I distinctly, I can't even say the word, I distinctly remember. Did you relapse? No, I didn't know.

I just can't say that word. OK. I distinctly remember that he kills a mouse with his hands because he doesn't know how strong he is. You're thinking of Green Mile. That's right. Is that what the Green Mile is? Yeah.

So does Lenny not kill? You didn't read the book. You watched the movie. Does he kill? Does he kill? What? You didn't read the book. You watched the movie.

Well, because Lenny's black, right? Oh, my God. In your world, I guess. Lenny kills Curly's wife because of his inability to control his own strength and emotions. But he best have a mouse as a pet. Oh, he doesn't kill. Yeah, it's like his friend.

Oh, it's his friend, my bad. Speaking of pets, show them Santino. Did you hear about this? All over the news. What? That's Santino right there. Zookeepers noticed after observing Santino behind blind glass that Jim Banzi had been busy stockpiling ammunition

in anticipation of the visitors. Dragging stones from a protective moat and even thumping chunks of concrete into rough disks. He made the piles of stones only on the part of his island facing the crowds. Santino the chimp has been hucking poop and stone at visitors in the zoo. He's a bad boy.

What a bad boy. I have a photo of Santino's wife on my phone. Would you like to see it? Yeah. OK. Yeah? I can't wait to see it. You would like to see it?

I haven't seen what photo. Is this must be a? It's a photo of Santino's wife. Me or this chimp? Yeah, well, I thought you were his wife. I'm being held at the zoo in Sweden, by the way. I heard he got out. What did it say in December?

I can't see it because of the blade. He just died. He just died? Yeah. Rest in peace. Send it to the boys so they can put it up on the screen. No, I don't understand this photo on the screen. Let's get to seeing.

Let me see. Oh my god. Oh my. I know you sent that to me. Have you seen? Are you offended by that, by the way? No, I'm happy to see Bobby so happy. You need to delete that off your phone immediately.

Why? Because in case something happens, you're in big trouble. If someone hacks your laptop. You don't want that evidence around. Yeah, and you're prone to getting hacked. Yeah. Yeah, it's on Twitter. You're still hacked on Twitter.

Yeah, like it could happen. By the way, shout out to everybody on Twitter who's bought a laptop from Bobby Lee. I mean, dude, you realize people are still buying laptops from you. Yeah, I went to a private company. They still can't do anything about it. This guy is incredible.

This might be one of the best hackers of all time. He's had your account for how long now. A month or month. A month. Wow. He's racking up them laptop points. Am I losing file? I've probably lost so many followers.

343,000. It's still pretty good. It's still pretty good. And you probably sold a couple of thousand now. Can I sue him for the money? I don't, you can sue him maybe for a. I mean, if he's using my fucking. Likeness.

Twitter to sell products. Isn't this funny, though, that Elon Musk, Elon Musk aside, Twitter in general, the fact that like Twitter doesn't understand how to stop this is great. That's crazy to me. Anyway, that's your monkey. That's my monkey.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They called this monkey the Satine Satino. He just died. He just died. He was shot after escaping the enclosure. I got out. My boy got out. Said, he got out.

And then he went missing. And then they killed him. They shot him. They were afraid of what he was going to do. And I got to tell you, it looks a little bit like me. We have the same eyes. The eyes are, yeah. We have the same eyes similar.

The same yellow eyes. The same yellow, jaundice, alcohol, latent eyes. I wish, yeah, the Santino chimp. He's cute, dude. There's a guy on TikTok who has a chimp as a pet, and it would be tight. It's crazy, but it would be tight. I think you just got to make them a little smarter

than they'd be able to communicate with us, I think. They're really smart. No, with English, though. Oh, they only speak Spanish. It's a physical thing why they can't talk. Yeah, it's their throat. Their larynx hasn't drowned. That's right.

Oh, so what you're saying to me right now is that if they had a larynx, did they be able to go, what's up, Bob? Probably. Of course. They can't form the same words we can form. You think they're not thinking that stuff? They're so smart.

They're so smart. Yeah, they could put blocks together and shit, you know what I mean? And escape a maze, maybe. But like. You can't escape a maze. I know. Well.

But I could do the blocks pretty good. I know. I have trouble with my blocks. By the way, this is a science question. How many times larger is the human brain than a chimpanzee's brain? I already have it. Don't look it up already.

No. Men are females, right? Oh, sick burn dog. Dudes first. How much larger is the male brain today? Human brain, it says. I don't know. I mean, I don't even know the right measurement lingo.

How many times larger? Two pounds? I don't know. What do you say? How many times larger is our brain than their brain? Times. Times. That's not even a time.

It's like, I don't think it's that much larger. I would say one time. One time larger. No time. So it's the same size. Do you think I'm talking about time isn't a time? No, no, no. I'm saying I'm confused.

You're confusing me with a very easy question. Because I've been to the fucking zoo, and I've seen their heads. And they're the same. I've seen some Koreans with that style of head. And so it might just, I'm like, oh, that's a Korean head. Yeah. The answer is three.

Three times. Our brain is three times larger than their brains. That means we're three times smarter? No. It just means we've got more mush. We have more goop and mush up there. That goop's got to do something. Isn't it true that we only use a certain percentage

of our brains, too? Like when you're 16% or something? Almost nothing. Yeah, it's less than a quarter of our brain. I want to be able to connect at all, man. You can, dude. Take DMT. It connects the brain?

Get to the next level, dog. 10% of our brain is, it's a myth. Oh, it's a myth. It's like you've required most of the brain to be active, right? Well, this is a two-way street. Most of the brain is required to be active. But it's saying we typically only use certain portions of our brain the majority of the time.

So you need a lot of your brain to still fire something. Like, you know when you remember somebody's name that you forgot for a long time? Oh, yeah. That's a little crevice. What do you say? Huh? Like, when you're in that situation, what do you say?

That's what he says, huh? Oh, you go, huh? Hey, Andrew! Huh? That's what you do? Well, let me see. If you're a guy, I don't remember your name. Yeah, but you know I'm important.

And I see your face. I recognize your face. All right, go ahead. I'm at a party. Yeah. This DJ is amazing. What song is this? Hey, oh, what's up?

Alfred, what's up? Good party. Bum. What? What the fuck? Fucking Andrew Santino, what's up, dude? What's up, dude? Andrew, what's up?

How are you? Yeah, you don't call me, man. I know, dude. I've been so busy. Are you all right? How you doing? I'm good. When's the last time I saw you?

Oh, my god, forever ago, it feels like. A month ago. No, it had been. Was it longer than that? No, we shot Dave a month ago. I know, but it just feels like it was way longer. Very good. Yeah, I like it.

I'm so good at this watch. Yeah, I'm not good at it. I've done this my whole career. All right, so keep going. I don't know who those guys are in the booth. No, but go ahead. All right. Well, this is my friend Felicia.

You know Felicia? Remember, you met? Oh, wait, we have met. We have met. Hey, did you see her? Oh, I just said her name. Fuck, that's my dad. It's Felicia.

No, I know. It's so good to see you. You remember? Yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah, of course. That's great. What's my name again? What's my name?

And can I be honest with you, dude? I'm at this party. And I'm, you know, I saw you. And you know, we've had this little interaction. You call me dude the first time, right? Right? You didn't remember that we shot a month ago. I'm beginning to feel like you don't know my name.

So what's my name? I just told you we did shoot a month ago. I do remember. And I got to be honest with you. You were a little offended. And I don't want to be here for this kind of attitude. That's fine. To just impose the idea that I don't know your name.

How about this, dude? I know exactly who you are. Why would you do this to me? What's my name, then? This is insane, dude. You don't know my name. You need help. You don't know my name.

You need help. You don't know my name. Of course, I know your fucking name. What is it? You know what, bud? What? This isn't the way to treat people. OK.

It's Tony. OK. Is it really Tony? Yeah. It's me, Tony. Are you sure? Yes. I feel like your name's not Tony.

It's Tony. Tony. Asian guy named Tony Anthony. Yeah. Tony Shang. Tony Shang? Yeah. Yes.

Nope. My name is John. Oh, wow. See? Is her name Felicia? No. What is her name? Toco.

That's Toco. Toco beware. Toco, how'd you forget? I hate this because you people are unimportant. All right. Well, I got to go. Bye. Get out of my house.

It's my party. What is it? Tony, this is your party? Fuck out. I wish the other Santino was here. But they would never do that socially. They wouldn't take it to that level. No, that's crazy.

You just walk away at some point. This is really funny. I have a friend who's, I have a friend who's friend. I thought his name was Gabe. But his name was Brian. Yeah. But for the first five times I met him, I was like, are you sure your name isn't Gabe?

And he was like, it's Brian. I was like, but I know it's Gabe. Because he looks like a Gabe. Oh, I know that yet. And so now, even when he texts me years later, he saved him my phone as Gabe. I call him Gabe. And he loves it.

It's a joke now. But it's a term of endearment. Now it's, yeah, it's fun. But sometimes I forget his real name. I did that to Ryan Sickler. What do you call him? Two weeks ago and he caught me and I fucked up and I feel so shit.

I haven't seen him since then. I want to apologize. What did you call him? I go, what's up, Stout? Stout. Ryan Stout? Yes. Right, you thought Ryan Stout.

Yeah, another comedian. And he would ignore me. And I go, Stout, what the fuck, bro? You thought Ryan Sickler was right. In my mind, right? And I go, he goes, dude, I don't respond to Stout. What does that even mean? And in my mind, I just was, I thought, literally still

at that point, his name was Stout. He gave you an out, by the way. You could have been like, I'm trying out new nicknames. It didn't work, I'm sorry. No, I mean, I doubled down. Rocket Money, formerly known as Truebill. It's a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending,

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$720 a year. Stop throwing your money away. Cancel unwanted subscriptions, manage your expenses the easy way by going to rocketmoney.com slash badfriends. That's rocketmoney.com slash badfriends. Rocketmoney.com slash badfriends. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.

BetterHelp is so great. Bob and I have used therapy for a long, long time. And I gotta tell you something. I'm a big proponent of getting help. Mental health help is huge. And you might think you're on the right track and you don't need to talk to anybody, but I gotta tell you, it builds up

and it comes out in bad ways. Especially if you have trauma, it stays in your body, right? And if you keep it and you don't deal with it, it turns into other things. Yeah, man. Issues like stress and your physical symptoms, sometimes in a lot of cases, strokes and stuff like that. That's why I believe that doing therapy

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you can get you there. Visit betterhelp.com slash badfrontstayday to get 10% off your first month. That's better help. H-E-L-P.com slash badfriends. These things happen. Yeah. This has gotta happen to you.

I went a whole year. I think it was like third grade and I missed one of the days. Like when we got this teacher, so I never knew my teacher's name. And I was too embarrassed to ask. Could you ask your friends? I didn't have any friends.

I was just gonna say, there was no way she had friends. You know, we moved a lot. Oh, juice. So I just got a teacher. But they are teacher. Yeah. For what it's worth. They are teacher.

Is there any way you can like ask like another teacher or a principal or somebody? It's too late now. It's too late. It's a long time. And for a year, you called her teacher. That's insane. But to be fair, she was teacher.

That's true. Like if she was a podcast host. Yeah. I'd be like, well, yeah. Like if I was in the middle, I'd call the guy captain. If he was a captain. Yeah. Oh, if you can't do that, if they're like.

You have to be a certain rank. You have to be a captain. Oh, shit. General, captain. So if I call an admiral captain, that's bad? Yeah, you don't wanna do that. They'll fuck you up. Who will?

The admiral will? Oh, the captain or the admiral. Either one of those guys are gonna beat the shit out of you. Probably both of them. What a, okay. Officer ranks, second lieutenant, first lieutenant, captain, major, lieutenant, Colonel, Colonel. Brigadier general, major general.

Brigadier. Is it Brigadier? I think I'm a Brigadier. You know what they should be? I don't like the way that they did that. First of all. Major general should be after major. And Brigadier general should be the top thing.

It's Brigadier, huh? Fuck, I fucked that up. What'd you say? I think major general sounds bad. General is whack because something that's general is basic. Oh, that's right. That's like majorly basic. Yeah, you're major basic.

I think the top dog should be the Colonel because Colonel sounds dope. Everybody loves the Colonel. Yeah. KFC. Well, that everybody loves the Colonel. Where's commander? He's in chief.

He's somewhere else. There's no commander up there? No, well, there wasn't a first officer either. Zoom in on that one. This how little we know about the fucking military. But thanks for doing it guys, military people out there. We really respect you and appreciate you because I'm, I can't do it.

I really couldn't. Zoom in on any of those tits. I call Carlos tits now. Oh, that's nice. Cause he kinda, he's like a little cute little pair of tits. All right, let's see the ranks, baby. What do we got? Scroll down, just in the list

so we don't have to look at it like that. All right, private, private, private, first class, specialist. That's when you really moved up in privates. Not a private. What is a specialist like someone that specializes in something? I think he's a little special private. Oh yes, on the spectrum.

He's on the spectrum private. Then it goes corporal sergeant, staff sergeant, cause he doesn't count all the enemies. Yeah. One, two, three. Very good. Special private. How many is there behind the fucking bush?

Three. He loses count. Corporal, sergeant, staff sergeant, has a staff infection. Sergeant first class, will not fly coach. First sergeant, master sergeant, sounds racist. Command as sergeant major, sounds fake. Sergeant major, sergeant major of the army.

What? Wow. Then a bunch of warrant officers just get numbers. Warrant officer. I don't want the commissioner officers. Let's move on from that. Second and first, Lieutenant, Captain major, Lieutenant Colonel, Colonel, Brigadier General, Major General, Lieutenant General,

Army Chief of Staff General. Army Chief of Staff General. That's too many words for the guy who's supposed to be the number one. That's, no, I thought that was the least. Wait, what? No, no. Wait, is that the top?

I'm a private specialist. No, you're right. This is the top. Army Chief of Staff is number one. You're top, you're top dick. Yeah, so can Major General talk shit about Army Chief of Staff in front of his face? Not in front of his fucking face.

But behind his back, can you do it? Of course, you tell Lieutenant Colonel and Captain. Oh, I see, I see. He knows he's gonna have the hardest laugh as Second Lieutenant. He's gonna be cracking the fuck up. Yeah. So if I was Lieutenant General, right?

You'd be ahead of me, maybe. Oh, yeah. All right, so you can be Lieutenant General then, I guess. No, no, no, no. You would be Colonel. A special private. I'm Colonel, right? She's Lieutenant Colonel?

She's Second Lieutenant. Okay. I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and what are you then in this situation? Lieutenant General. Okay, so I can come up to you, Lieutenant General. What's up, Santino? I'll go, how are you, sir?

Good. I'll go, wait, where are you again? You said I was Colonel. Oh, yeah. I'll go, yes, Colonel, what's happening? Oh, you gonna be that formal? Cause I'm about to talk shit about fucking Army Chief of Staff. If you came up to me like that, I wouldn't say shit.

Colonel, Colonel, Colonel. What? Calm down. This is a free shit talk room. That's right, we're by the watering can. By the water. He needs to salute you, though, even if you're by the watering can.

And then you have to tell him that he's... No, that's not a thumbs up. You think that's how funny if the Army saluted that way? That would be so... If they were like, Colonel! Oh, they do this, right? Yeah. Can you do both?

Yeah, of course. I've never seen that. That's what the Koreans do. A lot of respect. Is that a lot of respect? That's too much respect. I would do that for you. You gotta pick a hand.

I'll go, hey, Lieutenant General Santino, what's up? What's up, player? Oh, shit, you're in a good mood. Can I tell you about Armageddon? What the fuck did he do? He stinks. He stinks. Like fucking garbage, man.

Hate him. Should we kill him? Like during Desert Storm? Should we kill him? Oh, shit. Yeah. You're under arrest, Colonel. Oh, shit, and I'm in trouble.

I was just kidding. Fly in, fly in. Second Lieutenant, take care of this fucking people. Second Lieutenant, take care of this fucking people. That's what you would do? Yeah. Oh, that sucks, man. Entrapment, dude.

That's entrapment. I can't have you hurting my own crew. And I see what you do, Colonel. Is this entrapment? Let me ask you something. Wait, what I just, that was not entrapment. Oh, what was that then? That was some bitch shit.

Oh, you did bitch shit. That's what they call bitch shit. All right. But would I still get arrested? Yeah, for sure. But they'd fuck me up, too. I would get arrested for calling Army Chief of Staff smelly? No.

They were saying he should be killed. Killed, yeah. You said you wanted him. But you were the one that brought it up. I just gave you the bait. You ate it. I said, should we? I said, should we kill him?

And yeah. And I go, yeah, as a joke. I think I can fight my way out of it. Your Honor, I don't think Colonel was joking whatsoever. There's no jokes in Army. Oh, OK. There's no jokes in the Army. There is no jokes in the Army.

What's entrapment? You were just going to ask me, what do you think is entrapment? Did you feel like you got entrapment? No, no, no. What I'm asking you is, for instance, if I'm with a net that I would do it, but if I'm with, like, you know. Oh, boy, this sounds like entrapment.

No, if I'm with, you know, the lady of the night. A hooker? That's what I said. A juice. No, no. A juice. Juice, why do you sound like a TV character? A hooker?

Are you talking about a hooker? It's like, keep it down, Mary Lou. Like we're Mayberry or something. Yeah, a hooker. Hypothetically. No, but if you say to a lady of the night, you go, hey, are you a cop? And they said no.

They don't have to tell you. Is that a myth? That's a myth. They don't have to tell you if they're a cop. That's a cr- The idea that people are like, you have to tell me if you're a cop. No, they don't. They don't have to do it.

Where is that rule? That's a weird, fake law. That's true. By the way, it's important to understand military crimes that you can be charged. One such crime is pandering under Article 134 of the Union Uniform Code of Military Justice, the UCMJ, of course, pandering by including inciting or procuring

an act of prostitution is a crime. So if you're in my army, Colonel, and you're fucking hooks, you're done for, pal. Right. 134. You know what I thought, pandering was? What? For gold.

A pandering, oh. First, let's think of like, oh, that's illegal. We came all the way out west to pander for gold. Yeah. Come on, gold. Is that pandering, though, or not? Panning. That's panning.

How bad would you and I be at panning for gold? I'm serious. Oh, I'd be patient. No. The only thing that I would be at bad at is distinguishing the. If it's gold or not? Yeah.

But I could do this all day. Yeah, you would be. I could be out there for 16 hours. There you are there. Yeah, there you are there. Yeah, I could do that all day. If that's my job. You could pan for gold.

Yeah, because in my head, I'm like, there's a means to an end to this. Maybe. There's no guarantee. Because back in the day when they did this, imagine the dopamine hit if you got like a nugget. Right? It would be amazing.

I mean, look. I got a nugget. Like, you're just, you know, I would brag. Look at all the nuggets I got. But here's the problem. Yeah. This incited so much violence. This is this was the problem of the gold rush.

The amount of violence and war that broke out, because the amount of people that were killed in the middle of the night, because they know that you found gold. I don't got a nugget. Right. That's right. You already yelled at that.

I've got nothing. I've been there for three days. Nothing. There's a great show. There's a great movie called The Ballad of Buster Scruggs. Do you remember this? Oh, yeah. And there was a bunch of vignettes.

And one of them was short films inside of the movie was about a guy who found gold. And then, you know, the guy that saw that he found it was like, oh, it's fucking so dirty. Because immediately, dude, you've been out there. Look, there you are right there. That's Bob. Yeah.

You're panning for, look, look, look. I don't say that's me. That's definitely you. You're panning for what? 10, 12 days. You're panning for rice. Is that right? It's obviously panning for rice or something.

Crispy rice or regular? They're panning for gold, these people? Well, I don't know. Carlos is fucking Google. Yeah, Asian panning for gold. Wow. He's typed in Asian. But look at the way she's dressed.

She probably hasn't found anything. She probably what? Hasn't found anything in her whole life. Well, if she has, she, no. Or maybe she's just saving. See, this is the problem with you. Oh, shit. The moment you found some gold, you'd put on a Gucci shirt

and be panning. That's right. With my golden goose, I could just use it. You have golden goose shoes panning for gold. No, she knows. Don't let them know that you've got the money. So then when you find the little, I don't know how it works, but I'm sorry, I'm asking questions.

No, please. All right, like how you know. My dad was a, yeah, that's what he did. How do you think we ended up out here? But if I found like, are they nuggets you find? Like I found a, like a bunch of nuggets. Gold nuggets. Most of the time they find flakes.

In this day and age, they find a lot of gold flakes. So I got a bunch of flakes. And then you melt, smelt it down into liquid gold. Like that, right there. That's exactly what most people find these days. But can you find nuggets? Yeah, of course you can. Look, there's one in the corner.

But like the weight of nuggets that are found now isn't as prominent as it was in the fucking gold rush days. Let me ask you something. Yeah. Why do I know this? No, I have another question. Because I watched the show, Gold Rush. It's great.

I have another question. Please. One of my favorite disaster movies is called The Core. Just hear me out. And in the movie, The Core, the senator of the earth starts stop spinning, right? So what they do is they develop a spacecraft, like an earth craft to go into the middle of the earth.

And they let, anyway, when they're going down, they run into all these diamonds, right? And when I was watching that in the movie theater, I'm like, that's what I want to do. Is get diamonds? If I could just get that fucking craft. Because in the movie, there was so much fucking diamond. It was like caverns of diamonds.

Like just coming down from, you know what I mean? So let me ask you something. If I dug deep enough, would I be able to find? China? Oh, what? Caverns of diamonds. No. Why?

Do you think there is a layer of earth that is just diamonds? Yes. OK. How do you know there's not? How do you know there's not yet? Thank you, Juice. You know what? Yeah, yeah.

I want both of you guys to start digging. Because there's no way. I want both of you guys to start digging. Because you have to go through the mantle. Scientists have discovered a full layer of diamonds in Earth's core. There we go. There you go.

If we can make it there, just hear me out. I'm listening. Right? That's a lot of diamonds. How deep is it? Let me figure it out. So that website was in Spanish. I don't know.

Well, fancy is right there. It's like, it didn't seem to go. Look at how much diamond that is, dude. Can you imagine? Imagine if we discovered that much diamond. How could we lug it out? How heavy would that be? You don't need to take on it all.

Whatever your pocket. Oh, I have a fucking Panagonia backpack or something. I would like to. The core is found at about 2,900 kilometers. That's 1,800 miles below Earth's surface and has a radius. How far below are Earth diamonds? There we go. Well, these are just natural diamonds.

That's naturally occurring. Not the diamond place. Right. There is no diamond place. It's not real, you guys. Yes, there is. There's a diamond place. All right.

I believe it. I believe there is. Yeah. But there, I mean, they're in our Earth, right? A quadrillion tons of diamonds lurk deep in the Earth, but they're spread out over the entire. There we go, dude. That's what we do, dawg.

Well, let's get the fucking diamonds, dawg. We got to get the diamonds. I'm trying to convince you, dude. Dude, in our Earth, there's just plenty of diamonds. But we have to spend so much money. We don't have to do this acting podcast and shit no more, dude. Oh, then I'm in. We're the diamond brothers.

Are we the diamond brothers? We're the diamond brothers, dude. That's the Mario Brothers spinoff is the diamond bros. Yeah, and what we do is we get, yep, yep, yep, yep. We just dig for diamonds all day. We can't sell all of it because the thing is, is that demand, right? So we just sell enough, right?

We corner the market and diamond. How much money do you need to sell? How much money do you want to make on diamonds to be good? A billion. OK, once we hit a billion, you're OK? Yeah, we're done. OK, so a couple hundred million. And then what we do, you know what we do?

Yeah. Once we make a billion dollars in cash, right? Then we just give all the diamonds away so that it loses its value in diamonds. Yes, put them amongst the door guys. Oh, first. Yeah. OK.

Wait a minute, that's so funny. I like how Bobby wants to run like a crypto scam where he's like, once we've made our money, we dump the whole fucking thing. And nobody makes money. Yeah, yeah. This is basically what crypto does. Yeah, that's what I want to do.

Once we make our cash, we fuck it. That's what I want to do. OK, that's fine. What else is there? Who's going to give us money for the diamonds? That's the problem. Who has the capital? Who are we selling them to?

I don't know them. Careful. What? Careful. Rappers? OK. I was not thinking that. For the teeth, they love it.

You think rappers are going to buy all of our diamonds? Don't they like to lodge them in their teeth? They love it. They do? You're right. Imagine if they had the first front tooth just full of diamonds. You can make a tooth out of diamonds. I think you should have a mouth filled with actual diamonds.

I think your teeth should be replaced with diamonds because diamonds, some of the hardest thing on earth, right? Yes, look at that. Bobby, you look so cool with a girl like that. Let's get you one of those, Bob. But is that real diamonds? Yeah. Yeah.

It's got to be, right? Yeah, but it doesn't. No, you know what? I want to make it out of that fake steel so that everything turns green in my mouth. Like chains from high school? Yeah. Amber Rose Boyfriend, Alexandra Edwards

shows off permanent diamond grill. So it's permanently put inside of his mouth. That's what I'm saying. That's what you want. Yeah. Or that's our audience whom we're selling it to. Yeah. OK.

And once we make a billion, we give it all away. Well, then what are we going to do with a billion dollars? Oh, shit. What would you do with a billion? You're on the level of Elon Musk. Right. Let's say you sell something. What would you do with a billion dollars?

Oh, I've got a lot, man. I would buy a pottery barn. You know, also pure one imparts. They don't do a lot. Stop, stop, stop. The first thing you said was buy pottery barn? The chain. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Why? I like it. OK. You can't afford it. It's over $3 billion. Fuck, well, with me, with my billion. So a pottery barn is $3 billion? Yeah.

All right, fuck. I didn't know it was that much. $2.5 billion. Yeah, it's an international company. How about this? How can I buy pure one imparts? How much is pure one imparts? Goodbye.

I mean, I don't know if we can afford pure one either. I need pure one imparts. Pure one net worth of $512 million, I just said. I could buy it with half my money. All right, $500. So you can buy pure one. Yeah. Can I buy West End?

How much is West End? I really like West End, dude. Because I want restoration hardware, but I know I can't afford it. You can't afford that, no. It's too fancy. Yeah. I can buy West End.

You buy pure one. I'll buy West End. Yeah. And then, Juice, what company do you want to buy? I just want a studio apartment, man. Oh, yeah? How about this? Can you imagine getting $1 billion?

And she's like, I just want a studio with this billion. She might, you might do that. By that time, I still can't afford it in LA. Yeah, by then, you won't. But free furniture, because I'll hook you up from pure one. Oh, you would? And West End. And West End.

Maybe I'll get a one-bedroom. I will say I currently live with five dudes. And it's been over two years. Because you are moving out into your own, in your solo spot, right? Yeah, I mean, I am. But there's no like, I don't know how. I mean, you live with five guys for how long?

It's been over two years. Yeah, one of them has a workout. A gym. A gym outside your window. Invites more comics over to work out today. It's kind of cool. When she can hear them early in the morning do repetitions. Come out one more, buddy.

Get up, get out, and get lifting, dawg. I think that's what he thinks he's doing for me. It's a nightmare. Motivating you? Yeah. That's the one thing I love about finally living in a house is you don't hear like that. Yeah, rub it in.

That's the one thing I like about love juice. Listen up, juice. No, but you know, it's the garbage man. What? The garbage man, what? Because I've lived in the city for so long in an apartment. I always was awakened to either construction or the garbage man.

Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. Yeah, I hated it. Hated it. But now what do you hear? Nothing. No, you hear something. What still happens? Woo.

Leaf blowers in every part of this city. Oh, yeah, yeah. But mine comes at two. I told them to come at two. Oh, see, my neighbors, it's just fucking, it's constantly. It's constant. I hear this. Woo, woo.

Is that your neighbor? That's an owl. That's an owl. Hey, let's trade places. Dude, if my neighbor stood outside my window and went, woo, woo, woo, I would call somebody. Hey, Mike, woo, woo. He's a little sick, but we love him.

Yeah. What do you say? We should trade places for a week. No. Oh, yeah, yeah, like Jerry and Kramer did on Seinfeld. You guys should swap places. Can I live with the five guys? Yes.

Actually, dude, that's so fun. It would be awesome. You could join the gym. But then I had to sleep on the bed with your boyfriend. Yeah. But it's a California king. Oh, it's a California king? Cow king.

She's 6'8", this fucking guy. How tall is he? Yeah, 6'2". Yeah. He's a huge guy. That's not that big. And California king is wide, so you're not, you're going to be anywhere near him.

I have a Calvary king. OK, so you know. Yeah, I do. You should rush in a bit. I mean, rough it a bit, get in with the people, the working people. I think you should let her live at your house and you live at her house.

I think it's a great idea. I would do it for a reality show. Well, fancy. Welcome to the podcast. Yeah. Babble. One of the most exciting things about a new year is that you have no idea what adventures are in store for you,

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I got a wonderful, little, beautiful box that contained a Swiss Army knife, a handmade Swiss Army knife. Bobby got a new, sexy, scorched package filled with hot sauces from all the brands from all over the country, from Texas, Nevada, California, and more. And a lot of people say to me, a lot of people are like, because I've had the cast at the barrel,

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when you sign up at boxofawson.com. Enter the code Bad Friends at checkout. That's boxofawson.com. Code is Bad Friends. For 20% off your first box, boxofawson.com. Code, Bad Friends. Speaking of sleeping arrangements, let's talk about it real fast.

I got the update from the bus that's available for the Bad Friends tour. We have a bus. Oh, my god. But it's not as cheap. It's very expensive to get a bus. But here's the problem. It sleeps six to eight in the vertical bunks.

But then there's a bed in the back. I know. I have already thought this scenario. Well, let's talk about it. I already thought this scenario. I already thought about it, too. I'm going to hear what you think and I'll say what I think. And I'm going to be the better man in this situation.

Better man? You're going to demand that the, yes, you are. No, you don't need, you can't assume. This is so ridiculous what you're doing, dude. I know. I've already played it out in my fucking head, dude. All right, so play it out. You're going to be like, I'm the bigger guy.

You know what I mean? Sometimes you say I'm the bigger comic, bigger name. I've never said that. I've never said that to you. You've never said that to you. You're fucking lying. I was going, oh, well. Fancy, have my back.

I've never said that kind of shit to him. Thank you. I've never said that. When have I ever said that to you? I did joking way, but you have. OK, so we're joking. I know. I've already played this out of my head.

And I have too. OK, so when I did Canada with Tom Seguro, he had a boss. Right? And I slept in the side bunks. Yeah. Loved it. I slept like a baby. All right.

All right. And while I was laying there, I did a meditation in Canada. OK. And I played it out. Andrew's going to go, demand the back. And just listen. It's so annoying because you know, you're more demanding than me.

You're so much more demanding than me. God, God is best. Don't back me up. Let me fix it. You fucking know he's more demanding than me. I'm not. I'm not. Carlos, thank you.

You're acting crazy, dude. Fuck you. You're way more demanding than me. You know you are. You're using slurs. What slur did I say? Fuck you. That's not a slur.

It is. No, I just said fuck you. That's a slur. Fucking. That's a slur. What I'm saying is, you're asking me to talk, and you're asking me to share my point. You're not allowed to tell me what you think I'm going to do.

I'm just telling you what I meditated on in the back of the thing. Slander, Senator, your honor. You're the honor. You could defend yourself, all right? But let me finish my point of view. OK, so what do you want to have happen? I'm not done with my meditations, bro. Go.

OK, so I laid there. You're going to demand it. All right, I'm going to go. You're saying? You go, I'm busy. You say, you know, I draw more. Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da. I never would say that.

I'm in a bigger TV show. Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da. You know what I mean? I'm white, probably in your mind. Well, that part, yes. Yeah, I am white. And then my ego is going to get in the way, and I'm going to argue those points, and then we'll have a heated thing when we have to do business.

And in my head, I'm going to be the better man. Just listen to me. And I'm going to go, you know what, Andrew? Gaslighting. You're such a fucking kid. This is gaslighting. It's not gaslighting. Yes, Carlos, this is actually what gaslighting is.

I don't, every day you fucking give me the definition of gaslighting, and I don't want to fucking see it. I already know what it means. So what if someone using psychological methods into questioning their own sanity or powers of reasoning, you're fucking manipulating the conversation? No, I'm using past. No, you're manipulating.

Experiences with you. We've never had this before. Order, order, order. Thank you. I'm just using past experiences. Anyway, my meditation is- Fucking liar, dude. You're going to demand it, and I'm going to go, you know,

so what I planned was this. And you should have waited for me to do this. You know what I mean? I was going to, the first day we were in the bus, I was going to look at you, pat yourself on the back, and go, you know what, you're the bigger comic. You're the better comic. You're such an asshole.

You draw more. You're an asshole. I'm not done, all right? And you know what, dude? You deserve the fucking main room in the back. I'm happy with the side, with the other, you know what I mean? And can I tell you something? That's your- are you done, finally?

No. Because this is my speech that I created. And I go, you know, all these years, it's been a wonderful experience. Tours canceled. We're not going to do it. Nobody gets to bed. I came up with a good solution.

What is it? I really did. Truth be told. What is it? And you know, by the way, for the record, for all the fans that fucking play into this game, none of that stuff is true. I've never said that. I've never said any of that stuff.

That's not fucking true. That's fucking bullshit. And B, you guys never back me up. And these are- Based on my experience- Also this Matt Locke- Let him talk. Go ahead.

Based on my experience flying to the Philippines with him, he, you know, we all flew in first class, except for him. He went to the back of the plane. So I can back him up on this. It's not just that. I gave you my first class. Another level of not true.

Thank you. Bobby, I already made up my mind. We're doing the short. I don't know how to read the script. Let's plan the fucking day. He can't read. He doesn't read fucking scripts. I already made up my mind.

And I thought this could be a fun- A fancy beat. Go fuck yourself, by the way. And you know what? Also, you're not coming to dinner. And I mean it. You're not. See the what?

You know what? Also, no, you are coming to dinner. And you know what? I'm not going to let you fucking eat. How about that? Carlos, you get two meals. Thank you. I already decided what we're doing.

I have something to- I have beef with Carlos in a second. Oh, no. No, I- Well, I fucking- I'll back him up. Fancy fucking piece of shit. But I already decided here's the best way that I think is going to be fun.

Go ahead. It's a rotation. No. Well, yeah, that's what I decided. Yeah, you see, that's- See what you're doing? Everybody gets a fair shot at sleeping in one of the- Everyone gets a fair shot.

You don't want to negotiate. This is my decision. It is. And this is the way we're going to do it. No, we have to talk about it. No, it's a rotation. Everybody on that bus gets a chance to sleep in that bed. It's the most fair thing in the world.

I'm not going to sleep on that bed after this fucking animal over here sleeps on it. Animal? Did they- Because you told me you're going to go on fucking Ryan and bang. Oh, my God. You're not supposed to say that on the show. Every city.

Every city you're going to bang. I was- There's going to be attempts, sir. I don't want his juices on the bed. Let the guy forget it. No, no, no. This is what I want. He doesn't get to-

There is a- There is a- First of all, time out. There is a bang bunk on the bus that you can occupy. Thank you. It will just be for Carlos banging. For the rest- Wait.

How close are these bunks to each other? No, no, no. We'll be off the bus while he's banging. No banging while there's on the bus. What? This will be when we're on stage. There's two rules. No banging on the bus when other people are on it.

You only bang in the bang bus bunk. Okay. And you don't poop on the bus. Nobody poops on the bus. Nobody. Absolutely. Unless it's an emergency. It doesn't.

No. We pull over, you poop on the side of the road. You're not pooping on the bus. I pooped on the bus at Tom's cigarette, and he was fine with that. He was pissed. He called me and was like, you're a little fucking-

He was your little fucking Korean friend pooped on my bus, he was livid. We're rotating. No, we're not rotating. End of discussion. See, everyone listening right now, did you just hear what he said? End of discussion. It's my way or the highway.

That's right. Literally. His way is the highway. Okay, you do the- I'll put this- You do the rotation. I'm just gonna keep- I'm gonna sleep on one bunk,

bunk number five. I'm gonna put all my stuff in there. That's your bunk. And I'm gonna stay there for the rest of the tour. You know what? What? Good compromise. Okay.

Good compromise. All right. And you do the king room. No, and I'll rotate with these people. I'm also gonna claim my bunk. Thank you so much. All right. You claim your bunks?

I'm- I mean, if there's rotating going on- I'm rotating. The guy's gonna rotate. Okay, you know what, dude? Let me tell you what he did. No, all right. You know what, Bobby?

This is so not fair. No, time out, time out, time out. Time out two ways. Yeah. I agree with you. No rotating. Thank you. Hey, give it to him now.

Okay, here we go. All right. All right. I owed him $400. I know. Right? I know. He comes from money.

No, don't do that. Don't do that. Oh, that's rewind. Don't do that. I'll take that out. You owe him $400. I owe him $400. It had been a couple of days, right?

And then he texted me his Venmo thing and, hey, man, like two days later, it's like, I'm gonna get you. No, we work together. We're friends. I'll get you when I get you. Okay. Time out.

Carlos, how- I could read it right now. You want to read it? How many days? How many days after he said he was gonna pay you the money, did he pay them? We never designated a time. We didn't designated a time.

That's right. It was that it was when I remembered that I texted Bobby, I didn't want to forget. Yeah, that's him because he's a fucking pothead. He doesn't want to forget that you owe him money. He would have actually remembered. Dude, these fucking stoners, they're so fucking dumb that he has no idea what's going on.

This fucking pot guy, he's a pot guy. I walked in. I did your Venmo. Yeah, you did it. Immediately, right? Yeah, there were some things said in between. There were some things said. All right, so I'm going to look up your fucking thing

right now, dude, okay? It was just, yeah. I mean, you didn't call me any words via text. So he goes, hey, the money owe you me. That's not what I wrote. No, read what you wrote. There literally is nothing said. He did it, I paid you.

End of story. How many days after the money that was owed from the thing that- I think it was like four days. Four days is kind of a good window. If you work together and see each other every day. We don't see each other every day. You don't see him every day. Bobby, I was alarmed.

Let me ask you something. Are we flight attendants on different airlines? No, we're podcasters. Exactly. We work together, right? So during a month, how many times do I see you during a month? 10, 12 times. Exactly.

Eventually. I was worried about my- It's just weird. Anyway, let's move on. I know. It was the most- Well, I'm 50-50 on this. I think you're both in the wrong.

Okay, good. I think you should have let it chill. You should have also- I think I'm sound like a baby today. Yeah. Right? Yeah. Or let me regroup.

Yeah, regroup. You know what I think- I need to regroup, too. Do you know what I think you should do? Give him another 400 right now. Thanks, Bob. You know what I think you should do? Yeah.

I think you should tell him you're going to give him a 400, but not when. Oh, exactly. Yeah, you know what? I'm going to give you another $400, but you'll see when you get it. No, make it more. Make it for fun. You know what? You're going to give him 10 grand.

No. Let's play this game. No, no, no, no, no. Oh, for you? Yeah. Fancy? We're going to give you 20 bucks, but we're not going to tell you why. No, no, no, no, no.

By the way- Yeah. Fancy, you know what I mean? I know, I know. You fucking- He's a little snappy, little fucking- I'll tell you why Fancy's doing this, though. He wants something out of me.

I'll tell you what I know. I know. He wants you to- Right. He's trying to get on my good side, and that's what I like about him. He's a weasel. He's a snake. He's a snake in the fucking grass.

Yeah, yeah. He is, what do you want out of Bobby, you snake? I just want him to be professional. What the fuck does that mean? What do you mean? What does that mean? Speak your mind, dude, this is New Year. Go ahead and say it.

It's 2023. Yeah, let's change- We didn't do New Year's resolutions yet. We will, but I want to hear this bullshit out of this guy. Okay. What do you want? So Bobby got me involved in a project. Uh-huh.

That sounds good. Yeah, and then- Thank you. We did the project with some pulling teeth from me. Yeah. And then the project is ready to be discussed, and he left me hanging, and when I text him about it, he just blows me off. Uh-huh, welcome to texting Bobby.

Right. No. And he told me the other day when a girl, a friend of his was around here, that he was our new man, and he was gonna really do it. Throw me out the bus, huh? You can throw me, throw me right on the bus, huh? Wow, no hands bar. Look, fancy a bus is coming.

Okay, Bobby. Dude, you're, that's, all right. All right, all right. You wanna go that way? Okay. See, now you know why I get mad at this fucking guy. You know, I'm on your side of the- He's a fucking snake.

Yeah, you're a fucking snake. You're a snaky little fuck. Yeah. Let's go to New Year's resolutions. Jules, what are yours? My name's not Jules. My God. Whoa.

That's your New Year's resolution. Well, this goes back to the thing from before. The dude thing, yeah, yeah, I got it. I had no idea her name. I think my- First, the second? No, no, no, I just, I just, one is her fucking name. You gave it to me.

No, you know, you don't know her real name. Her real name is Jessica. Yeah. Okay. Juicy? Her name's not Juicy. Is her name Juicy? Juicy, yeah.

No, no, she dropped it. She doesn't want Juicy. Juice. What is it? I can't drop it. Oh, okay, Juice. It's impossible. I can't believe I called you that.

That's so wild. I'll post a flyer, I'll say Jetski, and all the comments are like, it's Juice. Wait, wait, when you fucked up, you claimed Alzheimer's? That was your defense mechanism? Yeah, my dad does that too. Yeah, yeah, that's crazy. Where are we?

Yeah, you did that one of those. All right. Who's that? Yeah. Larry David? What's your New Year's resolutions, Juice? Probably to be more memorable. Yeah, yeah.

No, to get my own play. What's your real New Year's resolutions, Juice? To get a house. Wait, is that not how a resolution works? No, no, no, no. Usually it's like I want to change your behavior or something inside of you. Change something. Oh, no, I think I'm done.

You're done what? I'm good. You're done changing. Yeah. So the New Year's goal is for you to get it, get your own place. That's my goal, yeah. Well, let me tell you something. Whatever you need to make it happen,

we'll help make it happen. You guys already are. Yeah, but I mean, whatever you need, we'll help you, okay? Thank you. Whatever you need, we'll do it. And if it comes at a cost of the show, like we have to pay these guys less, that's fine too. That's fine with me as well.

Yeah, that's fucking fine. Right, if we have to duck their pay, don't you think that's fair to duck their pay to get her a place to live? I don't want to do that from the beginning. What did you say? I don't want to do that from the beginning. Me too, but we have to find a fucking way to do it

that doesn't seem so on the nose. I just made $1,500 to $2,000 a month. Got it. Extra. I like $1,000 extra. She said that's what a studio apartment is now in LA. Wow. $2,000 a month.

$2,000 a month afford it. But isn't that crazy in LA? That's what it is now. What did you pay back in the day? My first apartment in Los Angeles is $417 a month. Yeah, mine was like $500. $417, but I shared it with four other men in one bathroom. That's where I'm at right now.

Right, I was there, dude. We did it. We fucking did that shit. And then my second place was $850, because I had my own bathroom. Yeah. Because it was me and two other guys. And they shared a bathroom.

And I had my own bathroom. And I was like, I'll pay as much as it takes to struggle just to get my own bathroom. And then after that, my first one bedroom by myself was $1,195. I remember it. $1,195, bro, when I got my first one. That's why I want her to have that. She deserves to have that fucking feeling.

Most of next year, I'm not even going to be home. I'm like, I have so many days. I know, but you need a place to call your own. When you are home, you need a place to get away from the fucking bullshit. You know what I mean? Like, you need a place to call your own. We're going to make it happen.

When I got right before Mad TV, I made a chunk of money on a commercial. And I remember moving into my own studio apartment. It was exposed bricks, hardwood and floor. Sexy. I mean, I painted it. There was this vintage furniture store by my house. This guy Barry ran it.

He gave me some deals. It was so dope. So cool. Oh my god. Having your own place. It's the best. It did change my life. Being able to do it was a big fucking.

I remember one time coming home when I'd first moved in there and I closed the door and I was by myself and I looked around and I remember being like, I don't have to talk to anybody. It was incredible. I was like, for the first time, I lived in a place where I didn't have to talk to any humans. That's my dream. I didn't have to say hi or do a fucking,

I don't really want you guys to be smoking bonks right now. I just kind of want to do a thing. And I was so stoked to just not. Well, the place I moved out, it was three floors up. So my roommates were still up there. Oh shit. Right. And they would always want to come down.

No, you're not coming. No, you don't enter into my fucking place. Right. Yeah, yeah, they don't. Yeah. That is kind of a problem though to be like, I'm still here. You're gone, but you're still there. I was still kind of still there.

OK, what's your New Year's resolution, Bob? Real or? Or whatever you want to do. Can I say what I think yours should be? I think I know what it is. Go ahead. I want to spend some time alone. I really, no, there's no joke.

OK. There's no joke. I need to get to know myself better. Are we talking like go on a trip alone? No, just be alone. In LA. Yeah. For how long?

Maybe a year. What? We have a huge tour coming up. No, no, no, not that in terms of like seeing people and stuff. Yeah, he means romantically alone. Oh, I was like, we're sharing bunks on a bus. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Juice.

I'm going to go leave me alone in the bus. No, I'm not going to say that. No, I think it's own. OK. Yeah, because I. One calendar year. You think you can go a year? Yeah.

Really? I do. Do you want to make a monetary bet? I already owe you a thousand from the. Yes, you fucking do. No, I don't. A year is a lot. Let's just do three months of just complete.

What's the word I'm looking for? Celibacy. Celibacy. It's not just the celibacy. It's like and I mean intimacy with others then. How about that? How about no dating, no nothing for three months? That's fair, right?

Let's do it. Yeah. Let's see how it feels. I just I just feel lost. Well, let's talk about it right now. Well, that's what. Yeah, I feel lost. Oh, it's more real than, you know what I mean, comedy, but.

This is fine, too. OK. What's what's going on? You feel like you're not connecting with anybody. It's not that it's like what's the whole reason behind. In the beginning was exciting because, you know what I mean? Oh, I matched with somebody. You know what I mean?

I'm going to go on a date. Listen to that. Sometimes you would make out whatever it might be, but it's like it's all just like kind of surface and. It doesn't have to be. It doesn't mean it. Yeah, but it's like who do. I don't even know what I'm looking for.

That's OK. And that's what I think I need to figure out. What exactly am I looking for? What do I want in a partner? Yeah, what are my intentions here? Well, that's nice. You can slowly but surely figure that out. I do think being alone and understanding who you are,

that's an important piece of this. But also you're kind of sounding like what's the point of it all? That's kind of it. Sounded like you almost said what's the point of it? Yeah. I mean, I look at people's relationships and I go, you know, like I've been watching Deep Space Nine. Deep Space Nine is your window into relationships?

And so Star Trek is the window that you use. That's the barometer. Well, that's what I've been wanting, you know what I mean? Yeah. And like, you know, Jeremy Sisko, you know, the captain, he's the black guy with the bald head there. What's the funny, Carlos? His wife was killed by the Borg.

In the beginning of the show, you realize he has a son and his wife is killed by the Borg and he's... I just can't believe they killed his wife. I don't know. Well, it was when Jean-Luc Picard became a Borg, he became LeCudis. Do you remember that? He became LeCudis and he...

Who are you asking, do you remember that? Yeah, well, I don't mean the nerds, no. The nerds don't know. They don't know? How would they don't know this? You're asking? Why? I look at the Google.

You Googled it. We don't know this, though. You don't know any of these people. I know Spork. That's not Spork. That's not Taco Bell. Yeah, that's not Taco Bell. Are you telling me that the guy with the big ears is in Spork?

Quark. Well, he looks like a Spork. His name is Quark. Spork. Well, that looks like a Spork to me. Okay. His name is not his Quark. And the guy to his left is my dad.

Is that out of percent not someone related to me? That's Colmini. It's Chief O'Brien. O'Brien. Okay, so come on. Potatoes. Call him Potato. And Quark is a Frangie.

Anyway, can I just... And then the bottom left is Juicy. That's a descendant of Juicy. Yeah. It's my grandma. And who's top left? Go for it. Wharf.

Wharf? Yeah. That's his name is Wharf. You don't know that? Buddy. Don't buddy me then. Umpteenth time. Yeah.

I've never seen Star Trek. Oh, you're missing out then. No, I'm not. I'll tell you why. No, I'm not. Can I tell you why you're not? Why you are? Okay, sure. Go. All right.

You know Adam Egett? Nope. You don't know Adam Egett? I do. All right. So Adam Egett, I was just in Austin. I did the Tom Segur thing. And me and Adam Egett went out for fucking barbecue.

Yeah. Right. And we're sitting there eating meat as you do as men. Correct. Right. Yeah. And he goes, he goes, what's your favorite D Space Night episode?

We talked about it, right? And the reason why we talk about it, and we talk about Star Trek, is because years ago when he lived in LA, I go, do you know Star Trek Next Generation? And he goes, those are for nerds. I would never watch it. I go, watch this one episode.

He watched it. He watches Next Gen and DS9, DS Space Nine. Consequently, every episode, it's so good. Right? You're just, you don't know, because you're not willing to know. Right?

But if I told you to watch a certain episode of fucking Star Trek Next Generation, you would go, oh my God, this is a great show. The writing. Have you seen The Last Dance, the documentary about Michael Jordan? Yeah. Oh, you did?

I loved it. You did? Yeah. Okay. Why? No, I just didn't think you'd like that. I've watched, you know what else I love? Ken Burns' Vietnam War documentary series.

I watch Good Shit. Yeah. And I'm telling you, this is a good show. I just don't like it. You've never seen it. The look of it makes me mad. I know, in the beginning, it's a little weird. I just don't care about these,

I don't give a fuck about fantasy. It's not fantasy. Oh, it's reality? It's science fiction. Sci-Fi, fantasy. That's the space station. Right, it looks dumb. And there's a wormhole next.

You know why it looks dumb? Because I know that. There is, there's a wormhole. That's not what it's going to look like. That's why it bothers me. It's fucking bullshit. It's not that, you're right. It's never going to look that way.

Yeah, there would be like a McDonald's logo on it. That's right. That's right. There's a lot of things about that show where I go, well, how do these... Sponsored by Bank of America. Exactly. That's Garrick.

And Cardassian, but he's a spy. I just don't like the way he looks. I don't want to watch him. He's a Cardassian? You know why, do you know why people like Brad Pitt get so much work over the years beyond the fact that he's a good actor? Because it's really nice to look at him on screen.

It's really nice to look at fucking George Clooney on screen. Bring back Spork. I don't want to look at this fucking guy for a half an hour at a fucking time. That's the future, though. That's not Spork. That's fucking Cardassian. That's Garrick.

Okay, a Cardassian. That's Cardassian. Which Cardassian is that? Google Ferengi. Which Cardassian is that? Google Ferengi. Is that Chloe? Yeah, Ferengi. As Hollywood gets more diverse...

These are Ferengi's. This is what it's going to look like. This is what Hollywood's... Yeah, Brad Pitt's out. So here's my point. The reason that you and I, and I'm putting us into this, the reason that you and I only get a limited amount of work and television and film isn't because of our skill set.

We're very skilled. You are a great actor. You're fucking phenomenal. Uh-huh. Right? But you don't look like people should be watching you all the time. Me, too. Nobody wants to see our faces on TV for a super long amount of time.

We look like that. That's what people see us in the Midwest. He just died. In real life? Yeah. Well, don't do that to me. I'm... God bless. I'm sorry.

That's the thought. That's not... Well, the makeup. I'm just saying. Fuck. Anyway, can I go back to my fucking relationship? Let me make my point. I don't want to look at weird ugly alien creatures.

Look at that guy. Look at how fucking weird that looks. No thanks. Look at how fucking weird. What are they doing? They're a race of Frankies. They're a whole... Well, then I'm racist against Frankies.

They're a whole culture is based on commerce and business. What's so funny? That's what they are. Wait, they're races based on what? Commerce and business. Like, all the races have a certain ideology and a language and a culture, and it brings... It's cool.

I don't like it. I just don't want to look at that. You don't have to. Thank you. All right. Here's my problem. This guy looks nice. He died.

He died. That's the one that died. Well, I rest in peace. I like to see his beautiful smiling face on TV instead of when he's in makeup, looking like a fucking go back to it, click on when he's in makeup, down, right there. I don't want to watch that.

I don't want to watch him with his weird fucking balls on his testicle head. And his nuts... I know, but can I just finish what I'm going to say? There's a principle about, you know what I mean? That world that I love. What is it? There's several of them. The prime directive is...

What's so funny? The prime directive. I mean, look at this long-necked penis guy. Why do they have to look so fucked? You know what this is? Do you know what Star Trek is to me? What? This is how...

Why electric... Like electric cars. That's what this looks like. No. No, let me finish. This is ridiculous. Let me finish. Let me finish.

Yeah. How come just because it's an electric car, does it have to look annoying? Why can't it just look like a cool car? We have cool cars. I get what you're saying. You have a cool looking car. Yeah.

But if they made it electric, it would look fucking stupid. They put weird bullshit like this. I like it. They make it for me. Okay, but don't... I don't want to do it. No, I don't want to see this do it.

If you're in a different universe, right? I'm not. You land on... I know, but you land on a planet, right? Yeah. And you know what I mean? It has the same kind of atmosphere conditions that Earth does. And you get off of your ship.

And what, you think the alien is going to look like Anthony Jeslenleck walking up? No, they're going to look like that. They're not going to look like that. We made that up. They're going to look like something we've never seen or thought of before. I know, but we can't imagine. It's called imagination. Yeah, but I like my imagination.

I don't like this, guys. Whoever the fuck wrote that, the Prime Director prohibits Starfleet personnel and spacecraft from interfering in the normal development of any society and mandates that any Starfleet vessel or crew member is expendable to prevent violation of this rule. And we can apply that to our life. That's bullshit.

We can. We can apply to our life. Crazy. You're crazy. It's like America going into fucking, you know, Nigeria and opening and being capitalism and opening up these and think the way we think and believe what we believe. We shouldn't do that.

We shouldn't do that. We shouldn't do that. No, and there are things in the show that I believe in. That's all I'm saying. I know. I want to say something to you. Because you don't like to face reality, so you want to live in a fantasy world.

No, I'm going to say one thing to you. That's what it is. I'm going to make you watch one. I'll watch one with you. Okay, I'm going to. But I'm going to make fun of it the whole fucking time. I will film it. He's going to eyes wide shut you.

All right. Can you watch one and not make fun of it? Absolutely not. Well, I'm not going to watch it with you because, you know what? That's my Bible. This is your Bible. Dude, ask any Colilo or anybody in my life, right?

All I do is all day watch. Is it available on YouTube? How do I see this fucking bullshit? You got to buy it. On iTunes. Well, that I'm definitely not doing. I'll give you money. I'll give you money.

Give me money right now. 20, 40, 60. All right, you can buy three seasons. Okay. Right. We'll start with Star Trek next generation. Okay. I haven't seen it either, Bobby.

No. You're already a convert. You're already a convert. That money goes to Juicy. That's in the Juicy pile. Okay. Okay, so let me tell you something. All right.

I'm going to watch. I don't want you to watch. I don't want you to watch. I just want you to watch one, the one episode that got Adam Egan hooked. Then pick, then send it to me. I will. Tell me the one you want me to watch

and I will fucking watch it. Okay. Season five. But I'm going to be. You're going to buy an episode. I'm going to tell you what it is. Season five. Yeah.

Next next generation. Second to last episode. The episode's called The Inner Light. It's considered the greatest Star Trek episode ever written. I'm so mad. You don't need the context. Yeah. Do I not need any context?

Not really. I can just watch it. Yeah. I'm going to get pissed. I know I'm going to be so pissed off when I watch this. It's 45 minutes long. I know that's a long time for me to get pissed off. It was a 22 minute episode.

Is that penis looking guy? Is this what they look like? What do you mean? All right. I mean, if you see that scene, that spot right there, that shot right there. Burrell, let me say something. Who is that?

Is that you? Y'all look apart. No, but that's Patrick Stewart. That's Patrick Stewart. Right. If you see that scene and you don't shed a tear, you have no empathy and love. I don't know what you're laughing at.

When they pan away from him playing that flute, dude. Every single cut. Dude. Does he actually play the flute? Yeah. Oh, I don't want. This is going to piss me off so much. All right.

Stop showing clips because I'm going to watch the fucking episode. Oh my god. I'm about to cry now. I love it. I love it. Anyway. Is this the one that teach you about our relationship? No, that's not the one I teach.

It's a different show. The next show that they do after the next generation is DS9. What are you so angry about? Because I'm a bum bum that I got to watch this. No, I have to. For the sake of the show, I have to do it. Yeah. And then you're going to make fun of it

and you're going to make fun of the thing that I love the most. Yeah. Yeah. But it's a part of our relationship. No, I understand that. But I don't attack things like. Yes, you do. Let me tell you.

You make fun of me in golf all the time. Let me say something. What? If you had a baby. Yeah. And you want one, right? Yeah. Okay.

And it's like my baby. I would never make fun of your baby. Star Trek is your baby. I love it. That much. You didn't make it. It feels like it was made for me. This it's so it's adopted.

Yeah. You feel like it was made for you. So you adopted a baby. It makes me feel. You tell me I can't make fun of your adopted baby. It makes me feel. It's like my religion. It makes me feel a part of the world and makes me want to live.

I'm being real. This gives you life. I'm being real. Yeah. I love it that much. And I was trying to get Adam Egan and I to do DS9. We're trying to figure out what DS9 tattoos. Stop calling it.

Stop calling it that. What tattoos. Is that what it's called DS9? We're going to get tattoos. Right on our next DS9 tattoos. What does that mean DS9? Deep Space Nine. Oh, I like it less.

That's why it's a DS9. God damn it. I know. All right. Well, anyway, I have my assignment. Let's call Adam Egan. Thank you. I love you.

Did you get something, Max? No. Hey, buddy. Adam. Yo. You're on Bad Friends for a second. Oh, fuck. I know.

Listen, you know, I brought up DS9 to Andrew and he starts making fun of me, calling me nerd and all this stuff and like, you know, it's stupid. Can you just tell the him that it's good? It's fucking ridiculous. Dude, you're a fucking nerd. You watch that shit, you son of a bitch. How embarrassing.

I love you, Adam. You son of a bitch. I can't believe you admit that on a live podcast. Love you, Adam. You son of a bitch. I love you too, Andrew. I'll see you soon. See you soon, dude.

I'll see you in a couple of weeks. All right. Thank you for being a bad friend. That was such a good way to end it. Oh, my God.