Bad Friends - The Old Man in the Pool

Episode Date: February 6, 2023

Get a 60-day free trial at https://www.shipstation.com/badfriends. Thanks to ShipStation for sponsoring the show! https://sportsbook.draftkings.com code: BADFRIENDS [21+ (18+ NH/WY). Physically present in AZ/CO/CT/IL/IN/IA/KS/LA(select parishes)/MI/NH/NJ/ NY/OR/PA/TN/VA/WV/WY only. $150 in Free bets: New customers only. Min. $5 deposit. Min $5 pregame moneyline bet. Bet must win. $150 issued as six (6) $25 free bets. Ends 12/31/22 @ 11:59pm ET. Stepped Up SGP: 1 Token issued per eligible game. Opt in req. Min $1 bet. Max bet limits apply. Min. 3-leg. Each leg min. -300 odds, total bet +100 odds or longer. 10+ leg req. for 100% boost. Ends 1/8/23 @ 8pm ET. See eligibility & terms at sportsbook.draftkings.com/footballterms]   https://www.forthepeople.com/badfriends https://vroom.com  YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com 0:00 Bobby is Home Alone 7:57 The Reasons Bobby Has Two Phones 14:04 Andrew & Bobby Older Lady Experiences  20:07 Shrimp Women 26:59 Bealtejuice, Cherry Jones and Stephen Hawking 33:01 Spiritual Bobby & Curious Andrew 43:25 Being There, House Party and Giving Up in LA 58:27 Juicy Get Unsolicited Comedy Advice  1:04:49 Why is Korean Less Fun than Japanese?  More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger:  https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino  Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Juicy Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jetskijohnson/?hl=en More Rudy Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendrudy More Fancy Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fancyb.1 More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/   Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod   Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom  Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: 7EQUIS https://www.7equis.net/ Podcast Producers: Andrés Rosende & Pete Forthun This video contains paid promotion. #bobbylee #andrewsantino #badfriends Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? Woo! Why, dude? I'm an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. Woo! Well, you two are something.

We're bad friends. I bought a cape. All day every- I bought a cape. Bought a cape. You bought a cape? I bought a cape. I don't even get the bit.

I know. It's terrible. I bought a cape. I bought a cape. I bought a cape. Can we talk about your attire or what's going on? My attire? Your attire.

My attire? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What about it? I mean, it's... It's not good. What's not good about it? It just looks... Slick.

It doesn't even look slick. He just looks like a guy like a homeless guy found a bunch of new clothes and just put them on or whatever. Okay. All right, what is wrong? Do you really think you're going to call me homeless guy? What are you so angry about? You're wearing a... got ran over by a dump truck beanie

and a pre-worn Guns N' Roses band shirt. You don't even like Guns N' Roses. No, no, no, no, me. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? No, no, no, no, me. That's because it sounds Asian. No, no, no, no, no, me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They stole that from the Chinese, I think. No, no, no, no, no, me. Yeah. That means get over here. Dinner's ready. No, no, no, no, no, no, me. When that part happens in China, they play it.

Fifty women come out of nowhere and go, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what? Oh, so how will you just play Koro? What? Didn't even know how to say it. Anyway, Juicy got those red socks on today. I wanted a match with Bobby. Hey, oh, yeah.

Excited to be here. Thanks for everybody viewed my special Cheeseburger on Netflix. Bobby is going to watch it at some point. I love it. We'll never see it. You'll never, ever watch it. I'll watch fries. I think you're the third one.

It's going to be great. When fries come out, dude, I'm going to love it. Well, what's second? Shake? Yeah. Shake is actually kind of a good name. That's a pretty good one. Shake and then fries.

Yeah. You know, there's actually meeting. There's meaning to it. The Cheeseburger price. No, no, I don't understand. No, because people have been saying it's good. It's all right. It's doing pretty good.

In fact, I was at my manager's house and our son saw it, Kobe. And he goes, dude, it's really good. And he saw other people's podcasts because I don't like the other ones. You know, we're friends. I don't want to name names. But he goes, I listen to yours and he goes, you're a smart guy. Thanks. Yeah, yeah.

That's fun. Excited. Excited to be here tonight. We're excited. The tour is getting locked in. I made that up. What's that? That whole thing of the manager.

The compliment. Yeah. Yeah. I couldn't. I'm sorry. But you know, other people have said it. It's okay. It's okay.

Yeah. Yeah. Because that always gives you a smile when I do it. Yeah. We're not going to use any of this stuff. Yeah, it's good. At the end. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, at the end.

So go ahead. No, I want you to go. Your energy is good. Did you find your wallet? I just pokey. Yeah, I found my wallet. I think that's what it was. I felt really good about finding my wallet, man.

You lost your wallet in a CVS. It's the word, you know, losing your wallet is worse than losing your phone. Mmm, double time for me. I have my wallet is my phone. All right. So yeah, yeah, don't lose that. No, I know your life is over. But don't you think that the wallets worse than the phone because the phone you can go

by and then you can cloud everything back, right? Right. But with the wallet, man, it's like the credit cards, the ID, all that shit you got. What else? I have a couple of checks in there. Like check like a. Yeah. And then look, this is the wallet got stolen.

I mean, I just dropped on my pocket and I had. I don't know. 200 bucks. Yeah. A couple hundred bucks in there. No, it's some more. There's more 300. Hundreds of dollars.

What? Not good. Well, give it to her. That's all for Juicy. Put it on the table. She can have a hundred. Give her a hundred. Here's a hundred, man.

Really? Yeah. Yeah. You gotta take it. You don't have a choice because I feel great that finding it. And then we'll give Max a hundred back there. He's back there. Hey, Max, come on.

Max, come on. A hundred. Get a hundred dollar bill is an arsenal. He just started. Come here, man. He just started school. But do he started a new school? Yeah.

Get a textbook. I don't know how to say cost, but get one. Get the one with the biology thing. Good job. Max, what do we say? Right? What do we say? Max, thank you, Bobby.

Don't give me the hundred back. A generous man. Me? You're always a generous man. I don't care because I'm so happy I found this because Friday night. Friday night, what happened was we finished this podcast. Yeah. Then you left.

I stayed here with Andre. We scoured the fucking place. I went back to the CVS. I checked the parking lot with the light on the phone for like hours. I watched every crevice in the parking lot in the parking lot. Then I had to cancel my date with that girl. Yeah. Right.

And spots and spots came back here till midnight. Looked at every like, you know, what do you call the brown stuff? Poop. Yeah. Yeah. I took every piece of horse poop that was out there because this brown is this is brown. It's brown.

Okay. So a horse ate it. Yeah. And you should have right back out. When I went to a deep depression Saturday, I was like, I can't move on. Right. I had to drive. Then my accountant, right, lives in Marina Del Rey, right?

And he goes, hey, Bob, that's what he sounds like. No, he doesn't. He sounds like this. Hey, Bob. Yeah, that's good. He's a hundred and four years old. Yeah. I spoke to him on the phone.

You can hear his breathing machine in the background. Yeah. He can't die, but I hope he doesn't die. He will. I don't want him to die. He's so old. I don't know where. Anyway, so he goes, I'm going to San Diego.

You got to get here now, drive early in the morning, cancel my cards, get a new card, I told him to get me some cash. And then today, this morning, they called, we got it. And cash was in it. Yeah. They didn't touch a dime. Well, you wouldn't know. I wouldn't know.

Yeah. That's what's good about you. You're easy to rob. So you have an alternative wallet as well. You have a new side wallet. No. And then I had to get a new. This is my old wallet.

And I put, I got my new card and some other cash. It's fine. Everything's good, though. I feel great. But once you got the brown one back, didn't you want to consolidate? I'm taking two. I got that. Yeah, because if I lose one, you know what I mean?

I won't feel as bad. I get it. You should always have two wallets. So yeah, that's my thing. You carry it. What do you carry with you? I have a wallet in my bag. But like, is there a lot of shit in it?

No, it's just a few cards and then my cash. This is how this is how I've learned to live after years of wallets. What is that? It's a it's a magnetic case that goes on my iPhone. Wow, it's an Apple one too. Yeah. So if you'd lose that. Yeah, it's what you call it.

No, it's got what you call it safe. It's MagSafe. Yeah. So as soon as I take this off, yeah, like it'll say, you know, like if I'm on my phone, it'll notification will pop up and say Andrew's wallet disconnected and a pin and knows where it is pin drop. No, that's amazing. Yeah.

Where do you get that? Apple. Oh, I'll go go. Yeah, they sell these. But this is all I do. All I have is three cards ID to credit card. No cash. No cash.

I keep cash in my front pocket. Oh, I should do that. Do not. I don't don't keep it in a wallet. Because because I bet you they took 20 bucks and you could have. They could have. I have a picture in mine too. Oh, is it a boss?

You know, I don't have no pictures of you guys yet. Printed. You should. I see that Arizona ID. I have two of my one of my mom and one of my best friend. Oh, show the camera so they can see. That is so cute. And we're going to meet your best friend when we go to Phoenix.

Yeah, but do you have a key or something? You can't put your fucking photos on your phone. I do. But I had a Polaroid for a bit and I just ran out of time. Just put on your phone. I'll get a Polaroid of you and put it in my wallet. Cute. OK, good.

Yeah. If you do it's OK. Yeah, it's OK then. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But check this out. I'm going to get a new phone too. I'm going to have two phones. You know why?

In case you lose one. Yeah. No, because I got banned. I got banned from Bumble and Hinge. What? What did you do? So I got. What did you do?

I got banned from both dating sites. No. Let me just tell you. I know what you did. No, what? Well, you probably did you send a no-no picture? No, no, no, no, no. What do you mean?

Nobody flagged it. I've never sent a dick pic in my life. What should you lie about your age on Hinge? Carlos. How do you know? I just assumed. So I was, people report me because I lie on my age. Why does that even matter?

Yeah, what do you say? Yeah. Who the fuck cares? They, but they, these, they care. OK, time out. So in real, the real world, you're 51 years old. Yeah. Let's all guess in the room unless you know you can't cheat.

If you already know. Let's all, let's all go. OK, I think you say, whoever wins gets another $100. Yeah. All right. I say you say you're 43. Very good answer. Go ahead.

I think you like the, like being older. So you say 65. OK, that's funny. That's a funny answer. That's a funny answer. OK, Carlos. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think he goes 39.

39. And then 40. 40. What is it? 35. Oh my God. No one, we all went over. Yeah, yeah.

No wonder they caught you. 35. You think you're 35? Don't get so, that's so rude the way you even said that. Bobby, you're nowhere near. Google 35 year old Korean guy. Well, it's cause that makes you younger than Andrew, which is a.

Dude, you're a cute little panda boy, but you are not 30. Look at how fucking hot 35 year old Koreans are. I never looked like that when I was 35. Yeah, you did. No, I didn't. Yes, you did. I never looked like that. No, those are BTS guys.

When I first met you, you looked exactly like that. You looked exact. When I first met you, that was you. How come I couldn't get any pussy then? Because. All of you were in. They were in. Oh yeah, BTS wasn't in.

It wasn't in back then. Yeah, look at that. That dude, we're the same age. Me and that guy. No, he's 40. Oh, he is. How old is he? It says over 40.

Actors over 40. But can I say what? Bobby 35 is insane. Listen. OK. OK. But on the profile picture. Yeah.

In parentheses. I go, I'm actually 51. OK. So that's funny. Yeah, that's funny. Right. So it's like. But they reported you?

Yeah. But the reason why I did that. Who the fuck reports that? The reason why you did it is what? Because when I first did it, I said 51, I was getting no matches. Got it. And the ones that I got were like,

they all look like Judy Dench. But she's a dame. I know she's a dame. Like the youngest one looked like Tilda Swinton. And like this, I was like, oh, I'm fucked. Right. So I changed the age so that now. Here we go.

Here's my theory. Here's my theory. OK. Yeah. And this might sound creepy. All right. I think it will. It feels creepy.

It was working. Yeah. Because our fans, right, range from 20 in the 30s. I would say our fans are anywhere. I would say our best age is 25 to 45. Exactly. But the 25, 45 year olds, their age limit to look at other guys is 40, 45, right?

So I just wanted to get into the pool. Yeah, you want to get. But now, but yeah, but it's weird when the creepy old man gets in the pool and he goes, I'm just like you guys. Is anybody want ice cream? You're right. You're right. So that's why they reported it because the old man got in the pool

and it's like, don't get in the pool, old man. Right. That's why what happened. That's why I downloaded our time. What is that? Our times for old people. Shut the fuck up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Our time is for old people. Wow. Yeah, yeah. So I'm going to look at how boring the website looks. Yeah. Look at how fucking boring. I love it. So that's what you're saying.

This is the group now that I'm in. Kind of. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'm fucked then. No, you're good. You're great. Why?

Because look at that lady up there. She's a witch. Yeah, but I bet you. I bet she is. She's a silent witch, dude. From the old timey days. Yeah. Look at that.

I know. Yeah, but she's brewing. They're using us as models. What? These are the models. Those are the models? I know. Imagine what's on the fucking site, dude.

That black guy, by the way, that black guy's 96. Look at how good he looks. Look at him. I just think, I think here's the deal. I think you should be able to say whatever. I think they shouldn't say age shouldn't be on there. If it's over 18, then age is like, well, you're, it is what it is.

You can't say how, because girls don't like to be asked all there, right? Isn't that a thing you're not supposed to ask? How old are you? I like it, but. You do? Yeah. But it's also this.

It's like anyone that's going to like me knows who I am. You know what you should have to say? Not based on my phone. No one's going to swipe based on the photo. It should be, you know what the tab should be? What? Under 100. Under 100.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's good enough. Yeah. I'm a legal dating person now. You're single. I'm under 100. Fucking leave me alone. Yeah.

Who cares if I'm 51? Cause you're still fucking hot. You're still ready to fuck. So all of these dating sites of people that are snitching can fuck off. We're, it's our time. I have a question. That's an ad for our time.

Yeah, go ahead. What's the oldest woman you've been with? 66. Right? Yeah. No, one time I was with a, so funny. So I was, what time I was at the sack? I feel bad for saying I'm fucking.

Well, you don't have to say the specifics. I was in a town Sacramento. That's what I was going to say. Yeah, you're in Sacramento. Yeah, but I don't want to say that. So let's start from the beginning. Okay. I was in a town.

Yeah. Right in America. Yeah. And I was with Kevin Christie. Okay. So Kevin Christie was open for me. He's your accomplice in this story. Yeah.

And, and after the show, you know, this is when this is probably 15 years ago. So things weren't great. I could sell out maybe a punchline that's a 200 cedar. That's good. That's pretty good. Yeah. I mean, it was during those days and I used to do

meet and greets at the end for free. You know what I mean? People, and this old lady gets in line and she goes, live your comedy. And I go, oh, thank you. Like it was like, I remember it was so startling because I was like, she doesn't look like somebody that would like, you know what I mean?

I've had those. And she goes, shake my hand, young man. What's so funny? She said, young man. Yeah. Yeah. And I go, oh, thank you. And you reach out as just her pussy and you're like, oh my God.

Just the lip. One of the lips. She drapes the lip over. I got you. And she has a note in the hand. Oh, right? So she walks away. I, you know, I take photos of the rest of the people.

I open up the note and it says the name and her number. It's written on a Werther's original wrapper. What did you say? Written in a Werther's original wrapper. Yeah. In one of her teeth is in there. The paper was from the Dead Sea Scrolls. You had to wind it out.

It was made out of the line. It was goat milk. You know what I mean? Or goat blood. Anyway, goat blood. The joke. But my point is, so then I go to Kevin, I go, do you believe this was a lady?

Can you hear her number? He's like, you should do it. I go, OK. He's a wise man. He's a wise man. Yeah. I call her. Right.

On her landline. What? Yes, you had one of those. This is the next morning or that night. Smoke six. You had to call one of those boards. Oh, transferring. Yeah.

And then so I call her and then she goes, I'm babysitting my grandkids. Awesome. Right. But I'll pick you up at, you know, the hotel at five. Why wouldn't she just come to the hotel and fuck? No, we're going to eat. Oh.

Yeah, I thought she just wanted to bang. No, I don't even know. I didn't even remember what she looked like. I thought she wanted to just bang and she was like, I'm coming over. But so we're at the sports bar, right? And she goes 58, 59. Oh, that's not as bad as you thought.

Yeah. Well, don't say the age because now it'll be more fun we'll let people guess. Yeah. So go ahead. So she was in old. She was older. Yeah, older.

Probably 25 years older than me. At least. Yeah, yeah. Under 100. Yeah, under 100 for sure. Yeah. And out of nowhere, she just goes, look. No.

I swear to God. At the fucking bar. Right. Were they nice? They were saggy. Yeah. But the nipples were great. Perfect.

They were like 22 year old nipples. Right. Yeah. The rest of it. 100. 150 years old. What kind of sag are we talking? It was like a whale's tits.

Oh, yeah, yeah. But the fucking nipples were like fucking, you know, sorority girl. OK. Right. Yeah. Yeah. And then I remember she had a lot of freckles for some reason.

No, those are cancerous. Right. Those are freckles. That was skin cancer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're liver spots. Yeah. Right.

And then I remember I got a little wrecked. And then so she goes, then we go into her back seat of her bronco. That's so cool. She had a Ford Bronco, by the way. And I remember I had to scoot over toys. Her grandkids toys. Yes. Or hers.

Maybe she likes toys. No, no, no. What kind of toys? Tinker toys. Yeah. A plastic red, like, fire engine truck. OK. You know what I mean?

Those kind of things. Lincoln logs. I didn't observe it like, you know what I mean? But then? Yeah. And then we made out in the second, the back seat. And then I called her late at night after my second show. She said, come over to the hotel.

And she never picked up. Oh, so she did. She rejected you. Or she could have died. She probably died. And her ghost came over. She was 25 years older than you. Do you think the girls you date might feel the same way?

Oh, my gosh. You know what? Honestly, honestly. I feel like you were waiting for that, Joe. I'm sorry. So good. And I know you thought this is mean. I was like, should I tell it?

Yeah, yeah. And it offended me greatly. It was perfect. But it's kind of crazy that all things have gone the other way around now. Yeah. Fuck off, man. That's the world. Right.

I had one when I lived in Long Beach. My buddies and I would go. There was a place called, I think it's Balboa. No, or Naples Island down near Belmont Shore in Long Beach. And it's like a little tiny overpass before you get to Seal Beach. And there was a place. Yeah, Little Naples. That's it right there.

And then look up. I think it's called the crow's nest. It's an old like. You're making this up. I swear to God. Little crow's nest Long Beach. It's an old. Yep.

That's it right there. Wow. The crow's nest. So that is a notorious spot. For what? For fucking Cougars. It's a Cougar bar. Oh, we got to go.

Dude. So here I was. I'm 22 years old or 23. I'd like just moved. Did you know it was a Cougars bar when you walked in there? Yeah. And it was when you go when you live down in Belmont, Second Street is like a party town.

And then Naples is all the retirement retirement people. Yeah. So everyone jokes around like, oh, where are you guys going to go to fuck crow's nest? And one night me and a couple buddies were like, yeah, we are going to fucking go to the crow's nest. Yeah. And when we walked over there, we thought, well, we have to do it now. We have to commit.

And we walked in and everybody turned and looked at us. And we thought we should get the fuck out of here. This is so this is such a bad idea. Yeah. And we started drinking and we're like, we'll have a beer and then we'll leave. Then we talked to a bunch of these women. We got really fucked up. We started dancing.

This woman's like, you guys got to come back to my house. I'm divorced and I have a whole house to myself. We can all party. And this woman was very, very sweet. Sweet. What does this mean? Bad breath. She was bad looking.

Oh. What was the wrestler that had that as a thing? Triple H? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. She was not a.

Yeah. Yeah. And I think it was John Cena. She was very nice. We call them in Spanish, we call them shrimps. What? What? That makes no sense.

Why? Yeah. Because you can take the head off and then it's bueno. Yeah. Butterface. Butterface. We call them butterfaces. Yeah.

But she was a shrimp. Yeah. Yeah. Because that's a way funnier now. Ship station. In a landscape where free and fast shipping is the norm. It can be hard for smaller e-commerce businesses to compete. Keep yourself competitive with Ship Station.

We have an online store here at Bad Friends and we use Ship Station to get our stuff out there. That's right, man. I love Ship Station. In fact, we've been using it for quite a long time right now and I use it on my show. Bobby's use it on his other show because I will say this. They are so good at getting what I need done because they work with everything that you do online.

Amazon, Etsy, eBay, Shopify, every platform. You can manage every order from one simple dashboard. You can automate shipping tasks, print shipping labels. You can do everything with Ship Station in one place. Get up to 84% off USPS and UPS rates. And if that's not enough, use our promo code to try Ship Station free for two months. Over 130,000 companies have grown their e-commerce business with Ship Station. 98% of companies that stick with Ship Station for a year become customers for life and we

are definitely going to be one of them. Keep growing your business all year long with Ship Station. Use the promo code BADFRIENDStoday at ShipStation.com to sign up for your free 60-day trial at ShipStation.com. Promo code BADFRIENDS. Draft King Sportsbook. Are you ready? I'm ready. Are you ready for the biggest Sunday in sports?

Draft King Sportsbook has a special sports betting partner, the Super Bowl 57. I can't wait. Has all the Super Bowl action you need? New customers can bet just $5 to get 200 in free bets instantly. Bob loves football from over the pond. I love football from right here and all customers are going to get in the Super Bowl 57 excitement with Draft Kings. Happy hour super boosts. Download the Draft King Sportsbook app and use code BADFRIENDS.

New customers can bet $5 on Super Bowl 57 and get 200 in free bets instantly. This is only a Draft King Sportsbook and I got to tell you, I've been someone who loves to use Draft King Sportsbook because I like to put a couple of bucks on the boys. Even if my team isn't in it, I still like to see some action and I've got a Super Bowl pick. I don't know if I should be telling you, but I got to keep a couple of people you should keep your eye on. All right. You know I'm a Kansas City chief supporter because my boy Patty Mahomes. Also, there's some tough competition out there.

Them Philly Eagles are doing pretty good, bro. So perhaps Jalen Hurts, it will be the year for him. But whomever you pick, all you have to do is download the Draft King Sportsbook app. Use that code BADFRIENDS for the Super Bowl 57 and you get $200 in free bets instantly when you bet $5. Minimum age and eligibility restrictions apply. Avoid in Ohio. Seacho notes for details. And by the way, in this world, she was a jumbo shrimp.

All right, I get it. So she was a jumbo shrimp and we partied all night. And then it was at the point where people are so drunk and stoned that they're passing out. And this girl keeps grabbing my hand to go into a room or go away from the group. And I keep avoiding it, avoiding it. Why, why, why? What? I mean, you're there to see the cougar.

You get the cougar's attention with the meat. Uh-huh. Right? The cougar gets hungry and gets a hug while you're out, right? And then you go, no cougar? No, no, no. I just, I just, I just... Don't expose her to the meat.

Well, but the meat went bad. I had to go home. Okay, all right. And so I, and she, I was like, no, no, no, no, no. And then she, like, kind of assaulted me if I'm being honest. And she just grabbed my dick on top of my jeans. Oh, I love it. Like, I mean, grabbed it hard and I loved it.

I loved, dude, it was so hot and she just like started kissing me. You got erect? Immediately. I mean, she just started kissing me. I love it. Oh my God. And then, and then I was like, okay, okay, okay, okay, chill, chill. I got nervous.

And I was like, stop it. I love it. I love it. And then my buddy Colin, he'll remember him. I'm going to get a phone call from him after this here. My buddy Collins, we were living together and he's like, oh, we got to go. I'm like, let's get out of here, man. And everyone's kind of packing up and going outside to smoke out front and like get ready

to start walking together. And he says, this is from his perspective because I know what happened on my end. But he goes, I'm smoking a cigarette. I walk out to the street. I get to the street and he goes, I turn around and I go, we're Santino. And he looks up and I'm up in her room with my head out the window and I go, I'll see you guys tomorrow. And I slowly close the window.

No. I slept over. You did it? I had a lot of fun. We had a lot of fun. Oh, he's blushing. You're blushing. Wow.

How old were you? I was 23. Oh my God. What a great experience. And she was no less than 50 something, 58 maybe. Wow. But she had a fucking mansion. I mean, dude, she had just gone through a divorce.

You could tell it must have been a six bedroom house like on the beach. Wow. It was fucking huge. And I had to sleep over, but I did have a panic moment in the morning. Why? Well, I woke up. I couldn't believe I was there. Were you drunk the night before?

We were all drunk. We were all drunk. All right. So you sobered up. You're sober. Well, I knew what was going on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I thought when I woke up, I got scared because I thought, do I have to like, what

do I have to do? Do I have to bathe her in the morning? What do I have to do with her? Yeah. Massage her feet? Like, do I owe her now because I'm her little boy toy? Like, what do I do now? Right.

And I said, I have to go to the bathroom and she goes, okay, and this is so fucked up, but I went downstairs and she's like, there's a bathroom right here. And I was like, no, no, no, I, I just don't want to use a bathroom in front of you. And she's like, oh, okay. And I went downstairs and I ran as fast as I could to go home and I never talked to her. Yeah. Never saw her again. Well, she took advantage of little old me.

I was a little boy. No, no, no, no, thank you. You ran down the stairs. I ran as fast as I could. No, thank you. I don't know when I thought she was going to come catch me or something. Yeah, I fucking ran. Or walk.

Or walk. She's in her wheelchair just speeding down. I got so scared. I didn't know it. I ran as fast as I could to go. I have questions. Yeah. Okay.

So when you woke up the next morning and you're coming to and you're realizing where you are, right? Yeah. And when you looked at her, right, what did it look like? I mean, I want to know that feeling. What did she look like? What kind of person did she look like? Well, give me an example of a celebrity, but like, you know, and I can, let's start there.

Okay. Do you remember in, I know exactly what you look like. I'll tell you exactly what you look like. You're going to give me three seconds so I can look it up because I know this is real because he's Googling. I'm going to tell you what I'm going to tell you what to Google the girl that I did at the club that I did. Okay.

Yeah. Okay. Well, you Google Susan Kellerman. Okay. Here we go. Do Susan Kellerman Beetlejuice. That's great. Do Susan Kellerman Beetlejuice.

I think that's what it was. That woman! Yeah. Oh my God! That is exactly what she looked like. Wow. The waiting room woman. Wow.

Yes. That is precisely what she, and she smoked in the morning too. So just like this character from Beetlejuice, it's exactly what she looked like. No real, because mine was, I feel like that's not real. There's no way. There's a bathroom. There's no way, dude. There's a bedroom upstairs.

Were you on bath salts too? Yeah. What the fuck, dude? Dude, it was, it was, it was 06. What do you want? Mine's Cherry Jones Now. Cherry Jones. Oh, that's what she looked like?

Yeah. Cherry Jones Now, though. That's kind of what she looked like. Yeah. Yeah. Cherry Jones Now. Yeah. Oh, okay.

Okay. Yeah. Honestly? Yeah, not bad. I like it. Yeah. Yeah. Cherry Jones.

Yeah, yeah. By the way, what a name, Cherry Jones. Yeah, she's great actress. But you know what? She's cool. I had a good time with that woman, wherever she is. And you know, you know where she is, right? Yeah.

Beetlejuice. Well, she's with my Cherry Jones. She go. They're together. They're together. They have a podcast. Talking about her. Yeah.

Good friends. Talking about her. Good friends. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's the oldest person you've hooked up with, Juice? Mine's not as fun. It was just like me being 19 with the 30-year-old guy. Wow.

Wait, 30-year-old. My story is as exciting as the men's story. You told me about this gentleman. Yeah. A great A guy. Yeah. A sweetheart. Yeah.

A prince. But some girls your age, you know, because I've been dating, you know, with girls that are in their late 20s and stuff. She's a young, she's 30. What are you, 31? 32. 32. Yeah.

But so I've been dating girls and you know, you've seen some of the dates, you know, and some of them said, no, I've hooked up with a 60-year-old man. You know what I mean? It's like some of their stories are wild. Yeah. I think it's when you're like in the 15 to 19 is like weird. Yeah. But then once you get, even like young 20s, but once you get in mid-20s and on, it's like

the age gaps. I don't think that matters much. Once you get to 24 or five, then I think a 25-year-old with like a Donald Sterling, you know, like that. Yeah. Isn't that, remember that? Remember that girl that he was like, at that age, then it kind of like, it just happens all the time.

So you get used to it at that point. Some 25-year-old is with some 74-year-old man, like this. Yeah. She's not 25. Yeah. Yeah. You see this constantly. Yeah.

She's 30. He's 80. Yeah. Yeah. And that is what it is. And at 70 is when average men lose some of their sexuality. Like your testosterone? A little bit, yeah.

I think it happens at 40. Yeah. I've heard 30. No, no, seriously. Well, that's a personal thing. Not for me, baby. Not for me, baby. 51.

50. What is it? It's a 51. No, but what's the age that men just stop having sex, I guess? Never. No, there is an age. 70, 75. I don't know.

My grandfather was fucking till the end, dog. Really? Yeah. He was. Seriously. He had a girlfriend until he died. See? Between 30 and 40.

Yeah, 30 and 40. That's when the testosterone falls, up 1% every year. Damn. It's like losing your age. No, but can you Google the one I asked? Google? When do men... I mean, it's their...

Yeah. What do you mean? What are you asking, babe? When do men stop ejaculating? Look at that. That's funny. 75 to 85. That's when you what?

Like literally can ejaculate. The sexual life expectancy? That's such a sad term. I know. Your sexual life expectancy... Also, by the way, most people are dead by 85, so what's the fucking difference? Yeah. But I bet you you're going to be coming until you're 80.

Thank you. 100%. That's the best compliment you've ever given me. I've given you so many good compliments. But that's a good one. All right, I'll give you another one. Yeah. Because to think that for the next 25 years, I'm going to be fucking, it feels like it's

worth living. Of course. What? Did you not want to live otherwise? Yeah. You know, I have to say... Jesus Christ. I have to say that, you know, I've seen, you know, documentaries and stuff where kids,

they get a spinal injury and then they can't have sex because, you know, there's no feeling down there. And in my mind, it's like, I don't know how I would be able to exist in that state. You're saying if you couldn't, if you couldn't sexually use your penis anymore, you don't want to live. I don't know. What about you? If you couldn't use your chocha anymore and you couldn't have sex or have any sensation.

By the way, not all people that get paralyzed, you know, there's plenty of paraplegics that still have function. I'm not accusing anybody of anything. No, no, you're saying... I'm not accusing anything. But what I'm telling you is you don't know, dude, there's people like... I don't know. Stephen Hawking.

Yeah, well, that was that. He could fuck. Yeah, he fucked. Are you sure? Yeah. He cheated on his wife and she left him. Do you not know the story? This guy fucking, this, what is this, diagnosed 21 years of age, no, no, look at, he cheated

on his fucking wife while he was like fully... You want to know something crazy? Handicapped. So he's still fucked. He went to the island. He went to Steens. He's an... He's an empty boy.

Yeah. See, look, cheating on her was strongly... He denied it, of course, 11 years of marriage, but... But look, he was in that state. Yeah, well, Bob, good to see you. Yeah, yeah. Put that pussy on my face and he could still fuck. Oh, wow.

He could still fuck. Look at him there. That's him right there saying, can I get... Can I get head? Yeah, but he... Can I get him head? But look at his face, right? He can't look down to see their expressions on their face.

I'm a mad... You know what I mean? Well, this is what's even funnier. Zoom in. Zoom in. What is the expression he makes when he comes? I mean, is it... Does he go back to normal?

Yeah. He can stand up for a bit. You know what I mean? He just jumps in jacks. He just jumps in jacks. When he comes... Can you imagine? He's like this, Bob.

He's getting... He's getting sucked in. He's just like... Oh, yeah. Yeah. He goes right back. It's like awakenings. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

This is terrible. Amazing. Well, we're going to... We're going to... We're going to... We're going to... We're going to... No, I don't feel bad if you tell me he went to Steens.

No, but what I'm saying... He did. There's pictures of it. There's pictures of him at Epstein's? Yeah. Whoa. But I'm not talking about that, though. What I'm talking about is...

I know what you're saying. There are people that can't do it. I know. And I think... You know, I would probably become very spiritual. You might be... You might become like a great artist. What do you mean?

Well, if you can... If you don't have to focus on fucking... Oh, maybe... You could focus on one thing for the rest of your life. Right, right, right. And not have to think about like dating and girls and losing your wallet and... Bullshit. You would just think...

Right. Just about art. Well, I'm doing better in Warzone. Yeah. You'd best Warzone player of all time. Look at my KD. Look at this. Yeah.

I see what you're saying. What would you do, though? What would you do? Let's say... Let's say you lose all feeling in your... Or you can't have any sexual pleasure in your organs whatsoever. Would you live just to give pleasure if you could never receive? Well, I would live for sure. I have lots of other things to live for.

See? See? I don't like it. Well, you made it sound like you don't. I don't. You do. I like it. So much to live for.

But here's... Can I ask you a question? I'm not... It makes me nervous whenever you ask me if you can ask me something. I know. The way you phrase it. I know. But it's like...

Oh, yes. Because I get a little uncomfortable. I know. So, if a woman feels... You know what I mean? No feeling down there through an accident or whatnot. But... A guy could still make love to them, no?

Yeah. Yeah. I'm not saying anything wrong. That's it for us. No, look, they could still have sex, of course. Yeah, but a guy can't. Because if a guy's... Because he can't get erect if he has no feeling down there.

Yeah, you can. Because they can... I mean, there's... A pump? There's a bunch of different versions. There's a lot of ways to do this. Yeah. His mouth, his hand.

Yeah. No, but what he's saying... No, but you can get... He's got a fucking... He's got a hog, dude. He can't even do a fist, dude. No. Yeah, he's typing all the time.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. All right. I'm fucking you. I'm fucking you. I'm fucking you. That's true. No.

Dude, there's scientific things that can help achieve erection. Not only just, like, boner pills and stuff. It can still work. Sure. It's just blood flow. Yeah. But also, there's, like, pumps. There's gels.

There's all sorts of stuff people can use. So, yeah, you can still... Imagine. Imagine. You're... It's a rat. Yeah. You can't feel anything.

Well, you get your... Yeah. I mean... You get... You're just looking? Well, I'm sure you're not just looking like a psycho. I'm sure... Or you would act.

You would kiss. Oh, yeah, yeah. Suck it. You'd suck a tit. You'd engage. Oh, that's right. That's right. You'd suck a tit and engage.

Right. Apparently, you can have a lot of pleasure in your ears. So, they would... Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So, just do that.

I want to say this. I had... Just not like that. I was like, hey, buddy. This is where Twitter... Because Twitter, you're allowed to put up any photo you want. Right. Right?

I had somebody say... Like, oh, congrats on the special or something like that. Yeah. And the picture, even the little icon, was pretty racy. And I was like, wow. Like, it looked naked. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Of course, I come to find out when I click on it. It's not. It's like a skin-colored bikini. Like, it looked nude, but it wasn't. And then one of the first photos, or first whatever it says, watched me play with my new punani. And I was like... Oh, I get what you're saying.

My new punani... I know what it is. Yeah. I don't know. She got a new one. He got a new one. Oh. Well, it was a trans woman.

Oh, yeah. And so, and so, I was like... Does it have that new car smell, you think? Well, they have the little pine freshener is hanging in there. Oh, really? Yeah. That smells really good. It's lemon zest, I think.

Oh, it's brand new. And so, I was like... I wonder if there's a phone over there. Because I do want to see what it looks like. Me too. I'm curious. I've never seen it. Yeah.

So, I scrolled down and like the fourth or fifth photo was that right there of the reconstructed. Because I think, and then of course, I googled, I was like, do they tuck it in? Do they... You know, it's like an Audi. Do they push it as an inny? Yeah, yeah. And I had to google like how they did. I imagine if it was like a...

You're like buying a new car. Like, you're a car lot. Show me the cockfax. The pussy lot. Yeah. Some guy, you know, me in a plaid suit walks up. So, what do you want to see? Show me the cockfax.

Yeah. Let me see the history of the cockfax. I want to know what happened to the pusfax. All right. Show me how many accents it's been in. You're getting a used one? Yeah. You're getting a used one.

Oh, yeah. I can't buy a new one. All right. These are tough. Yeah. But I had to see what it looked like and it's wild. It's wild to see what it looks like. Well, let me ask you something.

Because I've never seen one. Yeah. I don't want to see one. We won't go it and I just don't want to see it right now. Okay. All right. I want you to explain it to me. It looked.

It looked. Does it look like, let me ask you some simple questions. Is it in the vagina ballpark? Very, very much. Bing. It looks great. Is there an opening? Oh, yeah.

Bing. Yeah. I'm already in. I'm already in. Still a butthole, by the way. Buttholes right there. Right. Buttholes still good to go.

But being the three. Bing, right? Yeah. Bing. That's four. Right? And the final. Right.

Can you still see some of his dick? Yep. Bing. Bing. Bing. Bing. Bing. Bing.

Bing. Bing. Bing. Bing. Bing. Bing. Bing. Bing.

Bing. Bing. Bing. Bing. Bing. Bing. Bing. I forget about it, but I had to look.

I wanted to know, I was fucking curious. That's human nature. I wanted to see. And it looked impressive. Oh. It's impressive how good they… Google it. Yeah.

Vroom. Vroom. Vroom. Vroom. Vroom is the better way to buy your next ride. You know Andrew? Before I bought my car. During the summer.

Yeah. I had to go to these lots. And I went, forget it. Forget it. I'm going to vroom.com. Yep. And it's so much easier. Vroom is the better way to buy your next ride.

Go tell them about it. You can shop thousands of cars right from your phone and have your next ride delivered straight to you. This is the convenience of the world we're living in right now. You get food delivered to your house, you get toilet paper delivered to your house. Why not get a car delivered to your house, all right?

You've got a full week ahead of you with stuff on your plate. All these cars on Vroom come with a 90 day limited warranty and one year of roadside assistance nationwide, giving you peace of mind while on the road. With Vroom, you're gonna take out all of the hassle of having to go from dealership to dealership. You don't have to do that. It is set in stone, it's simple, it's easy,

it's straightforward and the best part is you're gonna get your price instantly right away if you're selling your car to them and if you're buying a car, it's right there, it's simple, it's easy and you're at home. You can trade in your old car when you buy a new one or you can even just sell your car to Vroom, go here, take it, get rid of it, baby.

And when you sell on Vroom, they're gonna give you a price instantly, no haggling, no shimmy shaman. You can buy a car from Vroom entirely online. So next time you need to buy a car, just grab your phone, go to vroom.com and check out thousands of cars. Morgan and Morgan, America's largest injury law firm. They have over a hundred offices nationwide

and more than 800 lawyers, guys. Let me tell you something, I've been in car accidents before, in fact, I got hit in my own neighborhood by a young lady who was ticky tack typing away on her cell phone, wasn't paying attention and it was a major bummer and it caused a lot of headache and stress, but Morgan and Morgan can take that off your plate,

my friend. They're the best, with over $15 billion recovered for clients. Morgan and Morgan has a proven record of fighting to get you full and fair compensation. I know a lot of people don't know this, but did you know that you don't need a lot of money to hire a lawyer? You can afford one, even if you're like,

I can't afford that, lawyers are expensive, trust me. You can, and did you know when you sue, when you're in an accident, you're not suing the person who hit you, you're suing their insurance company so that they're gonna help you get all the information that you need, because it's time consuming, it's scary, it freaks you out when you get hit

and you don't know where to turn, you turn to Morgan and Morgan. Baby, if you've ever been injured in an accident, you can check out Morgan and Morgan, their fee is free unless they win. For more information, go to forthepeople.com slash bad friends or dial poundlaw, L-A-W, pound529 from your cell phone.

That's F-O-R, thepeople.com slash bad friends or poundlaw, pound529 from your cell. I am a little bit worried because I've been gone so long. From where? I'm a little, what do you mean? I was out of town for a fucking month. From here, I was gone. For three and a half weeks, I was gone.

I was a little worried because we did that benefit show for the comedy store and the money was gonna go to the, it still is gonna go to the door, guys and girls, but I haven't been there to get the checks and give them the money. So now, Richie was like, are you gonna keep this money? Oh my God. I was like, no, I'm not gonna keep the money.

I just haven't been at the club. They've been asking. I'm sure. Yeah, I'm glad you brought that up. Yeah, because I was like, Andrew just skipped town. Yeah, I left, I took it, I spent it. No, it's at the comedy store, but also I asked if they could,

this is all semantics, this isn't fun, but I asked if they could distribute it to them and they said they won't. We have to do that. I know, that's what they told me. That's fucking a nightmare. It's a nightmare. I was like, why can't you guys just give them the money?

We made the money, you have the money, give them the money. Why do I have to get the money, then divide it up? You do that. What, do you have to divide it? Bro, they can't do it because they say it's like a tax thing. So we have to like, we have to just split it up. I'm just gonna cash it physically and just hand people cash. We've hired a new door guy since then.

Well, he doesn't get it. He doesn't get it. No, I'm serious. He's a nice guy. I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck. Before, he got hired after the show. Yeah, and the reason that the door guys and girls got it

is because of their work for that year, for last year. This new guy, fuck off. Shout out Chris Riggins. And you know what? We're not gonna do it next year now. Because of that? Because of this. Because of this guy?

No, not because of the guy, because of the way they're doing it. They fucked us. They fucked us. We're gonna do it again every year. We'll do it every year. It feels really good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But people have been asking.

People are like, when are we gonna get that money? They have been asking me too. Everyone forgets about it. And then somebody will remember it. And they're like, oh yeah. Yeah, because we have a check there that I haven't been to the comedy store in a month. Do you know what the check is?

No, I have no idea how much it's for. But I'm gonna go get it. Next week, when I come back, I'm getting it. And everyone's gonna get cash. Because I'm not gonna fucking play this game. How funny? Make sure you have a list of all the names and stuff. She gave them to.

Oh, you did? Yeah, and I'm gonna make sure that guy's not on it. And you do this whole benefit show every year. That's kind of funny. And get the credit for it. Yeah. You think I would do that? No. All the work I put into putting it together?

No. What a sad twist. Do you watch a movie there today? Being there, have you seen it? Oh wait. Wait, wait, wait. Bring it up because I want to see. Being there?

You love that movie. How many times have you watched that? A thousand times. I think I haven't seen that. Oh yeah, I remember this movie. It's a great movie. Yeah. I'm listening right now, Bad Friends.

It's a great fucking movie. Is it as good as my movie that just came out? House Party? Which one? Which one? So I went to go see House Party in the theater. Great. And I went with my cousin and the old lady.

29% is fine. It's fine. We're getting better. Yeah, what did Kevin Harting get? I think it was like 13. Oh yeah, yeah. So it's getting better, it's rising. So we went to go see the movie.

Yeah. And I will say, I am not, I'm gonna put this out in public right now. Okay. I'm not making a joke. I'm not making fun, okay? The movie's great. It was deeply unfunny and downright tiresome

Katie Walsher trivia news. Thank you, Katie Walsher. No, I'm not making fun. But you know how we're in the first row with the bar, you know, with the bar where you can put your feet up? Do you know what I'm talking about? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Down below you is handicap seats.

Yeah. Now most of the time, you can't sit in those, they bar you from buying them. You have to buy them at the location because you have to prove that you're also handicapped and you need them. Where is the premiere? No, no, no, this is just in theaters.

I was gone for the premiere. I was in New York. Oh, so you went to go see in the theater? I just wanted to go see it. I was like, let me go support, I'll go see it. Let me go see, I just want to see what it looks like. Exciting, you're in a movie, you're paying a ticket for the thing.

That must be exciting. No, no, I knew what was going into it. I was like, oh, I could feel it on the internet. Oh, you know, I knew. All right, okay. But I was like, I'd like to go see in support, who cares, it'll be fun, so my cousin, me, the old lady, we go, we're sitting there and 17, 20 minutes in, incomes a rather large group of handicapped people.

And most of the time, because those chairs are reserved for physical handicaps, you could wheelchair in, that's why there's seats missing. But this was a group of handicapped adults that were with a person, and they were not physically handicapped, they were mentally handicapped, and they were so much funnier than the movie. It was unfucking real. I was having so much fun laughing with them. Because genuinely, LeBron James Hologram, come on, and he would start hooping and hollering.

Like, champ, champ! I was dying. It was so much fun. Because this couldn't, it's like, you know how when like, you're like, how can I follow that? Right. You know, on stage, it was like, they were so fucking funny. And then at the end, he stood up, and the credits are rolling and they're showing bloopers,

and he stands up, and he goes like this, one of the kids, kids, he's a man, and he puts his arms, wings out. Wings out. And he literally goes, Hollywood, a hundred years of Golden Cinema, and the beauty. I think he thought, you know how in the arc light, they talk to you? He was doing a show, and so we sat, and everybody, like people literally went like this, they got up to go, and then they sat back down to see what he was going to do, and he kept going, Cinema, Golden Age, television, movies, cinema, and he kept saying cinema, he said

cinema like six times, and then he kept, and then he, but his arms were big, and he was actually a pretty big guy, and we were like four feet away from him. So a piece of me thought, what if he grabs me, because they can fuck you up? Also, didn't you think that he was going to turn around, see you, because what are the odds? I think he really watched much of the movie. They weren't just having a good time. They kept coming in and out of the room, they left like six times.

One guy threw popcorn on his body, like not all of it, but like a good amount of it, and he laughed, and then he threw it back on him, and they were having more fun than anybody could have had with the film. But this guy was my favorite, because he was doing his speech, his open speech, and then I thought, this has got to have some kind of ending, or it's going to be a little strange. So then he literally, in the middle of talking, it was so cool. He was like, the years I've gone by, then and, and he just walked out of the room. How hard did you laugh?

How hard did you laugh? Well, we clapped. Oh, that's amazing. No, we did. We clapped. I'm dead serious. That's great. Just to give him some love.

I was like, all right, fuck yeah. Yeah. But that was, that was better than the movie. Wow. The movie, the movie, the movie. No, be honest. It was. I didn't.

They tried. We tried. You guys tried? I didn't. I'm not in the movie. I'm barely in it. But it just doesn't hum the way I wanted it to hum. Right.

I wanted it to be good so bad. I just, it was, there was really funny moments. It's hard to make a good movie. No, it's a nightmare. It stinks. Yeah. Making a good movie is like the hardest thing in the fucking world. But it's, but it's fun.

The first movie I was in, Harold and Kumar, I went to the theater and I did the worst, the worst thing ever. Wait, what happened in that? Did they hit you with something? Or someone? No. In Harold and Kumar? That's, in Harold and Kumar 3, they hit me with eggs.

They hit you with eggs. Yeah. Yeah. But the very first one, right, my first movie, I went to the theater, bought a ticket. It's a great movie. I went to the premiere too. Yeah. But I went and bought a ticket.

And when the lights went out in the theater, I thought people would like recognize me. So I would do this like thing, like, you know what you're saying? I know. And no one gave a shit. You and I are the polar opposites. I have a hat, a hoodie. I know. I'm so scared.

Yeah, me, I'm just, I'm dressed like the character in the movie. I'm walking like, you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. And that was the last time I did that. No one gives a shit. Well, I know. That's right.

So my cousin was like, what if somebody sees you? And I was like, people may recognize me in the, that was when I got hit by the eggs. Yeah. That, oh my God. I said, people may recognize me in the lobby, but they're not going to notice that I'm in the theater. No one's paying attention enough in a movie theater to notice that's you. Right.

I will say this. Uh-huh. Say it. Just say it. Embarrassing. Is it embarrassing? Not for me. Okay.

But there is a scene. It's a big party scene. Yeah. And this is how you reminded that you're in Los Angeles. A girl behind us, audibly, audibly, kept going, oh, that's me. That's me. That's me. That's me.

No. To her friend. She was a background actor in the party scene. And I, dude, I proof. You can fucking. We were sitting there. All of us kept looking at each other. Yeah.

Why is she doing that? But she was, it was under her breath, but loud where she would go, oh, that's me. That's me. I'm right there. I'm right there. And you can hear her friend going, I know. I know. I see it.

Yeah. I know. I see it. And she kept going. Then she was sitting behind you, not in front of you. Right behind me. Okay. I match with, I match with a girl.

Right. Yeah. On Instagram. You know, the story, you could, you can title it. Yeah. It said, I made it. I made it. Yeah.

I click on it. And it's this low budget movie. She made it. Right. Did she make it physically? And I had to watch it four times to see where she was in the thing. You see this much of her face in a crowd. And I'm not kidding you.

Right. Yeah. Like less than Brian Callan in the Joker. Yeah. The back. The backside of somebody. It was like this. And she was like, I made it.

I'm in Hollywood. She did though. Maybe that's bigger. What I'm saying is just do delusional thing. It's too delusional. It's a little much. Yeah. But she did make it though.

To her, to her. I want to say something arrogant right now. Do it, baby. You want? Do it, baby. Right. If you have a line, you can say that. Right.

If you're a speechless, you didn't make it. Don't you think or no? No. Oh, so you think if you're just, if you're working, you did it. If you're elbows in it, your ear. You did it. You're a piece of the project. All right, you're right.

Yeah. That's how I feel. That's not how you feel. That's not how you feel. Here's what it is. Yeah, yeah. All levels of it are different. But also I think it strains like what that girl did, which is like yelling.

Yeah. That's what it bothers me. Well, it was weird. No, it's not weird. It bothers you. No, isn't it weird? That's weird. No, it's not weird.

You're like, no. No, I'm serious. No. I don't care. Yes, you do. If I did her win, I just think it's strange to do it loud enough that other people hear. Yeah. That's a strange thing to do.

So nowhere in your mind, you're, you thought, I'm actually in this movie. I don't give a shit. What the fuck are you? No. Piece of my mind actually went, I'm in this movie. I don't want anybody to know I'm in this fucking movie. Yeah. And so that irritated you.

No. But what I'll say is. I feel like a jerk right now. No, no, it's fine. Because everything, no, everything I'm saying you're going against and now I feel like a fucking dickhead. Part of the show. I feel like a fucking asshole.

I thought I was being real and talking about like how I felt. But you know what, dude? I should have your point of view. They did make it. Okay. She made it. She made it. Yeah, yeah.

But can I. Congratulations. Okay. So I'll tell you one more. What happened to me today in the Uber. In the Uber today. Okay. The guy goes, he's wearing a Yankees hat or something and something on how New York

came up. I said, oh, I'm going to New York in the morning and he was like, he's like, man, I love New York. I'm like, me too. I'm going to go spend some time over there this year. I want to, you know, go there for a little while and he's like, you're going to move to New York. And I was like, well, I mean, you know, informally, and he's like, wow, so you're leaving LA.

And I was like, well, I'm not, I'm not like leaving. And he's like, just giving up, huh? I swear to God. Yeah. He said the word. So you're giving up. And I was like, no, I mean, I'm not. Yeah.

He goes, all right, well, just fill me in. I've only been here for a couple of years. Like what is, and he hasn't looked at me really once in the rear view. Yeah. Like he hasn't even looked me in the eye. He's kind of speaking just as he's staring. Not like it would matter, but like we didn't even make eye contact. He was just staring and he just goes, as someone who's only been here for two years, what is

it that made you kind of quit? Yeah. And he goes, is it relationships? Is it your career? Like are things just not panning out? Yeah. And I was like, no, no, I'm very happy. I'm very happy.

And he was like, yeah, but what's making you like? Yeah. What'd you want to say though? What? What'd you want to say? The things that you're saying right now is what sounds good. Do people listening, right? And you wouldn't say it out loud even in that kind of car.

I could never say, I'm doing great. Yeah. That's what you want to say. No. I don't want to say it. It's just, no, you do. No, no, no. But you don't say it because it sounds gross.

I want to say, yeah, I want to say, I want to say things are really good. Too many paparazzi. I'm not leaving. Yeah. Well, there's a new Burex. So there's not much you can say. Yeah. Okay.

It's a new Burex. All right. Because if I was like, I'm doing great. So good. There's a new Burex. Right. And you didn't pay for priority. Yeah.

Like he dropped someone off and then he got me. Right. So I couldn't say anything. But I didn't want to. But it does feel weird when someone's like, so you gave up and you're like, no, I didn't. No. Yeah. I didn't give up.

Yeah. No, I'm doing great. And they're like, no, but you're giving up. Yeah. Well, I'm not giving up. I'm giving up. I'm giving up. He's right though.

I am. I'm giving up and I'm giving in and I'm getting out. Why are you doing that? Because it's just. He's not leaving. It's. He's absolutely not. That's how gross this thing is.

He's not moving. I am. You're not. I am. It sounds like he is. You're not. Okay. I think that was.

What did I say if you did? I don't know. I'm done. With the podcast. Yeah. You're staying. No, I'm being real. I'm not fucking around.

You're coming. You're coming in New York. I'm not going to New York. Yeah, you are. No. If you had a job there. I do. No, you don't.

I can't say it. I can tell you all fair. No, you're not. You're lying. I swear to God. I swear to God. There's nothing that you could be shooting there that like you'd have to move there. For three months.

Yeah. Okay. Maybe more. No. That's bullshit. Well, who knows? Well, why don't you just admit that you're afraid to lose me as a friend and a homie? Why don't you just admit that you're afraid of me going away?

Well, let's explore that. Nothing to do with the show. Yeah. Just admit that you're like you're sad that I would be gone. I think what I'm sad about is like, you know, I don't think that John and Paul did better after the Beatles. They just kind of carved their own way, right? But it's still not the Beatles.

Are you, John? I'm whatever you want me to be in this because I know you're going to say you're going to make a joke. I'm Pete Best. You know, we, you know, I'm not Pete Best. You know who you and I really are? What? Ringo and fucking George Harrison.

That's fine. Yeah. That's more like. I'll be Ringo. I'll be Ringo in the scenario. No, no, no. I'm Ringo. I play drums.

Okay. What is she then? Oh, Yoko. No. Bobby's Yoko. Bobby's Yoko. Linda McCartney. Yeah.

Linda McCartney. Yeah. So I was at the same thing that happened to me. I was at an A meeting in San Diego and, you know, no one knew at this mens me, no one knew who I was. And afterwards. I bet somebody knew who you were. Maybe, but like, you know, and sometimes, you know, after the meeting, I'm a guy from

out of town. They go, Hey, we're going to go eat at this diner. So I go, I'll eat with them. They love diners. Right. And they asked me, they go, what do you do? Some guy asked me. He had overalls on older white man.

And I go, I just stand up and he's like, yeah, but, you know, Asian kid like yourself. She gone to college, man. You want to make money, don't you? Is every white guy a racist in A? I don't know. No, no, no. He's like, you want to make money, don't you? I mean, because, you know, these are dreams and these kind of dreams.

You're sober now, man. You should take responsibility. Oh. Go to college. And I, I wanted to say what you wanted to say in that car, because I'm fucking killing that bitch. Yeah, but you can't say it. No.

Because you're a loser. So I went, you're right, man. I'll think about it. Maybe I'll go to Palomar Junior College, you know what I mean? And just like figure out a vocation. But one day that guy's going to be taking a shit, coming through YouTube. Yeah. See you.

Not say YouTube. Everyone's on YouTube. One day that guy's going to be taking a shit. Watching what? He's going to be watching Pornhub. See you. Right. And then be like, that guy's killing it.

Yeah. His dreams came true. But that's, is it the same kind of thing? Yeah. Yeah. It's fucking annoying. It's annoying and you don't say anything. Well, I mean, look, you, I bet you, Juice, you've had this at your, at your level, even

still on the come up where you're like, and we're still on the come up. That's a funny thing. So I was trying to tell someone, it's like, it never stops. But I bet you where you're at, someone has said something to you where you're like, no, I'm like doing good, like things are going good. But they talked to you like it's like your little like, yeah, your little comedy bullshit dream. Is that, do you feel that?

Have you ever had that? Yeah. I've had that. I've had it where like, people will be really nice, but they'll be giving me all sorts of advice. Right. And I'm like, and I go, oh, thank you. So paid regulars.

Yeah. And like, and you know, that's got to fucking make you mad. No, well, it makes me kind of like uncomfortable because I'm like, I don't want to tell them. I don't want to be like, I know, but, but, but I had to express. So somebody, I'm not going to name name, but I was talking to you at the comedy store. And then when I departed, another comment came up to me, who is that? And I go, I wanted to say this, oh, that girl, she's got a career and you don't, but because you forgot my name, I don't know who she is, but I know who she is.

No, but it was like, one of those things was like, I want to, you know, me really just, you know, go, no, that's the future. Well, it's like, does that, if you ever had it where like, somebody gives you tags or joke notes that you quite frankly don't want tags or joke notes from, that fucking breaks my soul to pieces. When somebody, I have had so many. When somebody gives you like a tag or a joke note that you're like, do you think I would listen to you?

Like the person you'd want to give you a joke note or a tag, that works in every career. Like the person you would want to give you filmmaking, script notes, directors, they would never give them to you. I have a text. I'm going to show you. This happened to me at the end. You've heard the phrase, those who can't. Tag?

Those who can't tag. It's just crazy to me when I've had people do that and you're like, I would look like an asshole if I said anything other than, oh, cool, man. So this guy right here, right? I tried a joke for the first time last week, but he's trying to fix the joke, but I already knew what the problem was. I see it. No, I get the joke.

That's not the joke, right? So what I'm saying is I tried it the second time. Now it's a part of my repertoire. It's doing well, right? But it's that bullshit that I get all the time. It's the wrong thing. Yeah. It's the wrong thing.

You saw who it's from? Yeah. Yeah. But I think this is a lesson for people in life to get back to listeners for all of our fans. Don't think you're bigger than you are. Is that what it is? Because when people think they're bigger than they are, they think they can listen.

I didn't see that coming. Well, don't think that you can impart your shit. Don't offer advice unless somebody wants it. Yeah. If I want to give a tag, because sometimes I like giving tags to my friends. Yeah. I know them really well, but I always go like, hey, can I give you a tag? Because I don't want to just go up and give it, you know.

Yeah. But you know there's a rhythm to it. Yeah. It's a good time. And also you get it. If it's me and him, it would be a, it would just, it's, you know when it's appropriate. Yeah. Everybody fucking knows, everybody knows the rhythm of it where you'd be like, if I came

to you and I said privately, I was like, Bob, when you did that, and the, you know what, you know what, you know what would be fucking amazing. But you take that differently than when somebody just throws stuff at you that you don't know that well. Yeah. Like Griffin does it all the time and 60% of the time he's right. Yeah. And I listen to him.

Yeah. Sometimes I go, I don't think so. But like sometimes like, oh, I'll try it. You know what I mean? But you got to do it in his voice. I can't. Try it. Hey man.

You got to do it this way. Man, you got to do it this way, Bob. So anyway, wow, what an interesting podcast today. We've been all over the place. How close are we to getting you in your own apartment? Really close. I'm just waiting to decide what to do. Like when the tour comes out, if we're gone for a whole month, I'd feel like I shouldn't

get the place right before we go. Yeah. So I'm like, wait to get the place after we get back. And just you can, oh, honestly, and this is going to sound, you're not going to do this. But if you literally needed some help financially, you can always go to us. Well, thank you guys. You know that, right? But this whole thing is another stream of income.

So it's already been such a great help. I'm calculating my income and everything and I'm doing better than I thought it was. I just want you to, I want you to get your own place. We'll help you. I think I can do it. And you guys are helping me. You know, you go so long with making so little that now that I'm starting to make a little bit more, I'm like afraid to spend it because I'm afraid it's going to end.

But what's happening is I'm only getting more opportunities. So I just need to take the jump and the risk and just do it. So if you look at your bank account, you can see a rise in your savings. Yeah. That's awesome. I think I'm ready to get the place, but now it's just a timing thing. Yeah. Well, when we get back.

Yeah. Because I could get it, I could go out and look, but I don't think it'd be better to wait until after we're gone for almost two months. Maybe, but also maybe it'd be nice to come home to a place that's your, I mean, I don't know. Yeah. It would be. We'll support it either way.

We'll figure it out either way because we want you to have your own place. It'll be really exciting. Because at one point in your life, you're not going to ever live alone again. What do you mean? Well, you either get married and live with somebody or like Bobby, where you have a house full of vigilante fucking Filipinos. Well, you know, this week, they're moving. It makes me what?

Yeah, they're packing. It's so sad. What? Oh, God. I think it's amazing. It's not. It's going to be so lonely. Wait, where's everybody going?

They got a house. In the Philippines. No. In LA. They're letting them stay. Yes. I thought you were like a guardian. I called.

And I say I called them. And so they got a house. Yeah. Oh, wow. The girls are gone. Yeah. They're leaving. What would you like?

Would you like me to move in? We should. We would have so much fun if we lived together. We kill each other. No, because we're not. I'm never home and you're always home. Oh, that's true. You'd be there and I'm never there.

Yeah, but then you're going to make me get stuff. Well, like what? Get the cheese. I'm going to store and get the cheese. Of course with you, I know we would fucking order Amazon delivery. I know. But can I get the cheese for you? I want to get the cheese.

I want to get the cheese. Yeah, I want to get the Mexican cheese. So wait. Let's be real for a second. OK. You are going to be living alone. Yeah. Are you a little scared of living alone?

I'm really sad. Bob. Because now we're like, I'm like, take the lamp. Oh my God, it's like that. Yeah. What about the animals? The animals are gone. All of them?

The four dogs, yes. Oh my God. So nothing's going to be. The cats. The cats are at the house? Yes. Are you going to get a dog at the house again? No.

That's it? I can't do dog. You love dog. I get so hungry. But you're done. Yeah. So give me, be real, no jokes. Your first thought, when you think about being in the home alone, what's your very first

thought that goes to your mind? Silence. You can invite girls over. Yeah, but, you know, what's great about my house now? It is true. There's always people there and there's laughter and communal and camaraderie, a sense of family. Yeah. And when that's gone, it's going to be an empty, cold house.

How can you change that? You know what you could do is invite over more friends. I was going to say human trafficking. Okay. Yeah. That's a good idea. Okay. That's a good idea.

That's actually a really, really good idea. But I think you can invite over more friends. Why don't you, why don't you invite more people over? Maybe. You know what you could do? You could do like the Pauly thing. Just befriend up and coming, let them stay at your house. No.

Well, this is a message to all young comics out there right now. That's insane. No, no, no. Go up to Bobby. He did that to you. Didn't you stay in Pauly's house? You stayed at Pauly's house. You stayed in the studio, right?

Yeah. Yeah. I paid rent. Yeah. And it wasn't a part of his house. It was a completely different building. The guys and girls pay rent that live with you. You just want the camaraderie and the family and the community.

I'll tell the door guys right now. Yes, juice. Do that. We can all stay with you. No, no, no. Yeah, you can. You could spend the night one night. I have a bed.

One night? Well, I can't move all my stuff in and out of the day. I'm just trying to be real. Let's be real. It's going to be lonely. I've got an idea. Yeah. This is actually perfect.

This is perfect to what we just talked about. Juice gets out of her place before we go on tour. Stores all her shit at your house. So when she comes back, she doesn't have to pay for this place that she isn't living at. She stores at your house. Then she spends a little bit of time at your house. Downstairs. Downstairs.

In the bedroom downstairs. Downstairs. Then when we get back. I alerts the cats. No, I love cats. All right. So you can stay there for a while. So let's her put your stuff in for a couple months.

One month's top. Two months. Two months. Okay. I feel like what if things got weird though if I lived with you? Why? I don't know. I'm hanging out in the kitchen and you come home with a young girl.

You don't hang out. You don't hang out in the kitchen first of all. Okay. I stay in my room. You stay in your fucking room. Okay. Downstairs, there's a bathroom and a bedroom and you have all the little things, fixings down there.

You're not going to open the door and like moon me or something. Nope. And do what? Like a meerkat? What'd you say? Moon me or something. Imagine when she takes off and she doesn't talk to us anymore. I know.

I can tell. And then we're like, and then the boys call and they're like, and fancy is like, hey, let's see, I've called you three times. We have to shoot tonight. What are you? Yeah. Yeah. And she takes a text comes in from her phone and says, this is Jesse's assistant.

Yeah. Jesse will get back to you when she's. This is Bobby. Assistant's assistant. Yeah. Yeah. Or she comes to the store. She sees us in the hallway and she goes the other way around.

Oh, that would burn. She goes to the office kitchen way. Yeah. Yeah. Well, she's fancy like that. I do that a lot. I go through the kitchen way. Yeah.

Sometimes I don't want to say hi. Who does it the most though? Sebastian's the king of that. Well, out of me, I do it a lot. Yeah. You and Sebastian both do that. But occasionally there will be a night where you'll like talk to everybody and it's fun. But Sebastian's like in and out.

In and out. Yeah. I do talk to people sometimes. I just, sometimes I just want to, I just want to go in the store. But because then you have to say hi to everybody on the patio. What am I like? Yeah. You're very social.

Yeah. You love it. Yeah. You get there early and you leave late. Thank you. It's fun. Don't say that. No they don't do that.

They don't throw anything. They don't throw anything at me. Never once has someone gone. When you walk it. Imagine. Okay. But here's why. Why?

Because you walk in your. If they go. Hi. And you go. Hey. But if they went. Why do you say hello in Korean? If they go.

If they go. If they go. If they go. If they go. If they go. If they go. If they go. If they go.

I slept I slept dude again. Yeah, that was like my words like Why do why don't you guys have little fun add-ins like Japanese always like Because 20,000 years ago when they were developing the language I wasn't there I you should because if I was at that meeting, oh, there'd be all kinds of crazy Yeah, yeah, different things