Bad Friends - The Sneaky Nakamara

Episode Date: March 9, 2026

Get MORE Bad Friends at our Patreon!! https://www.patreon.com/c/badfriends Thank you to our Sponsors: Factor, Talkspace, Shopify, Hims & QUO • Factor: Head to https://factormeals.com/badfriends50o...ff and use code badfriends50off to get 50 percent off and free breakfast for a year. • Talkspace: As a listener of this podcast, you’ll get $80 off of your first month with Talkspace when you go to https://Talkspace.com/badfriends and enter promo code SPACE80. • Shopify: Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial and start selling today at https://shopify.com/badfriends • Hims: For simple, online access to personalized and affordable care for Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit https://Hims.com/BADFRIENDS. • QUO: Try QUO for free PLUS get 20% off your first 6 months when you go to https://Quo.com/BADFRIENDS 0:00 Uncomfortably Close4:30 Private Dinner & Small Fries10:00 Redneck Olympics16:00 Starstruck by Spider-Man21:00 Ain't Nothin' But a Octagon27:30 We Hate Cool People35:30 Japan & The Scan37:00 Doomscrolling44:00 How Big Do Beers Get?49:00 Memorizing Lines55:00 The Sneaky Nakamara1:00:00 Boston Dynamics1:04:00 New Dog, New Tricks YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube Audio Subscribe: https://apple.co/31Jsvr2 Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbylee.live More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Fancy SOS VHS: https://www.youtube.com/@7EQUIS Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fancyb.1 More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: 7EQUIS https://www.7equis.com/ Podcast Producer: Andrés Rosende This video contains paid promotion. #bobbylee #andrewsantino #badfriends #sponsored #ad Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey. Hey, everybody. No? Yeah, we got new merch. We got new merch. No? Yeah, we got it. Yeah, we got it.
Starting point is 00:00:08 Pink and we got this shirt in yellow. Yeah. And we've got that sweater in gray, gray, and a beautiful gray. Yeah. And go to bad friendsmerch.com to go get this stuff while it lasts. Yeah, because sometimes when they run out, they run out. When they run out, we are going to be out. So get this while you still can.
Starting point is 00:00:24 And we'll get new ones at some point, but no time soon. Yeah. Go to bad friendsmerch.com. for these two idiots. White dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. You two or something. We're bad friends.
Starting point is 00:00:40 I realize that Andreas doesn't like quiet moments with me. Why? Why do you not like to be quiet with him and just hang out? I knew he was driving up to the parking lot, so I went out there to greet him. Like I always do every episode. I like to give him a light hug
Starting point is 00:00:54 and ask him what his days are like. Complimented my car. I said it was a beautiful car. What else did I say? And then you got really close. No, I said, where do you live on a, do you also live on a junkyard? But as a joke, I said that.
Starting point is 00:01:13 Yeah, yeah. It's not funny because it's real. I know, that's what I, that's what I really like. He does live in a junkyard. Yeah, that's what I realize. What did I tell you? You go, you said, I don't remember. But then I don't remember that part.
Starting point is 00:01:28 I plead the fifth on that. Yeah. You're a little junkyard dog. You're a young yard dog. You're a little Spanish dungyard dog. Then you, I could see you're racing to the door. Right? And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, dude.
Starting point is 00:01:39 You know what about our moment? He goes, I don't like moments with you. Why don't you like moments with Bobby? What's the problem? Yeah. He gets uncomfortably close. Yeah. That's a hard word for you to say.
Starting point is 00:01:51 Yeah, yeah. Like you saw his brain pause. Uncom. Oh, no. Don't mess this up, Andres. I was going in for a car. hug, though. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:02:01 I realize you don't like hugs. Right. You don't. You're not a touchy-feely person. Not from you. Okay. Now, through Andrew, I've never seen you hug Andrew either.
Starting point is 00:02:10 Andrew's more like normal, you know, like, I, yeah. Because he doesn't, he's not, you're not a hugger. But if he gives me a hug, he doesn't, you know, grab my butt. I'm trying to get all of you, dude. I want to hug your butt, dude.
Starting point is 00:02:23 Why can't I hug your butt, guy? I'm, I'm not a hug. We're not huggy people, though. Who? But, well, like, I don't come from huggy folk. Yeah, we don't hug. We do sometimes if it matters. We do a side hug, though.
Starting point is 00:02:35 Like when your dad dies, we hug. That's the only time you hook. When your dad died, I hugged you. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't do when your dad died. Yeah, you insults me first. I did not. I did not. What?
Starting point is 00:02:47 See, insults are verbal hugs. Right. You look stupid today. Right. Big hug. I'm so luff here. Yeah, big hug. So you're back on your Dizizizizziwal shirts, huh?
Starting point is 00:02:58 Desiwal. I'm never being. out of them. You have been a little bit. You know what's aware of those shirts? Prince Andrew. Oh. He does.
Starting point is 00:03:09 He does. He loves that. It's a little weird. What does this mean? Who did this? Macone? Yeah. Glad friends.
Starting point is 00:03:15 Is that because we had dinner with your friend? Oh, yeah. Well, wait. You had dinner with Andrew with your friend? Mm-hmm. Did I get a call? No, because we just did a whiskey ginger episode like an hour ago. We just did a pod and then I took them out for a little meal.
Starting point is 00:03:31 Okay, that's fair. Yeah. That's fair. Because I have a lot of meals after Tiger Belly and you're not invited those. Yeah, exactly. Right? So that's fair. It's nice.
Starting point is 00:03:41 It was a nice little outing for a second with them. But you know. Who's them? I want to describe. Him and his good buddy. His friend's in from out of town. And his friend comes in from out of town and he sleeps on his couch. Can you imagine?
Starting point is 00:03:52 I can't imagine. On his couch. Yeah. You sleep on your couch? You sleep on the other couch? You guys sleep on the same couch? It's an apartment filled with cow. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:00 Yeah, yeah. I see. Yeah. Well, he's, McCone's got an entire, I don't know, an entire Salvation Army in his backseat. I'm not kidding. What do you mean? Overflowing with clothes. Overflowing.
Starting point is 00:04:14 He keeps his whole closet in his car. I don't know if he's on the run. What are you doing? Well, my mom was just in town and we went through a lot of my clothes that I'm going to donate and get rid of, but now that you're garbage bags. We know your mom was in town. We went and had a burger with your mom. That was a sneaky little visit, huh? Can I tell people when it went on?
Starting point is 00:04:34 Go ahead. You and I, after the pod, we amongst ourselves went, you know what I mean? Let's go get a burger. Let's go get a burger. Yeah. Was between you and I? That's what it felt like. Be honest, was that between you and I?
Starting point is 00:04:45 What I thought. That's what I thought as well. A private moment. It's a private. You got in my car. Yep. We drove to the burger place. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:52 Right? We're sitting there. And all of a sudden, McCone, and his beautiful dear mother comes. Yeah. and pretended like, whoa, you guys are here too? And we're like, yeah, you fucking heard us that we're coming here. Here's McCone. I didn't know you guys were going to be here.
Starting point is 00:05:06 Yeah, yeah. No, I think you said, I thought you didn't know for sure. Yeah, but I was going to come here anyway. Opposite direction of where he lives. Right. Literally opposite. Yeah, 100%. Oh, 100%.
Starting point is 00:05:17 And then what you did is, let's all sit together. I felt bad. Right? Oh, yeah. So we're sitting there, which changes, you know, what I wanted to talk about. 100%. Yeah. Yeah, because with you and I,
Starting point is 00:05:29 we could spill the bean. Different story. Yeah, and then with your mom, was like, oh, well, how was, how is the weather? How's the weather? Yeah, yeah, in Minneapolis. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:38 And you should have seen, dude, the way she was flirting with Bobby was crazy. She was flirting with them. She kept eating fries. She put ketchup on and go, yeah. And she goes, she would get the smallest fry, too,
Starting point is 00:05:48 which is offensive. You're the crispy small one. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. She goes, little yellow fry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you sucked out. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:56 Yeah, I didn't like that. But you know what? That's whatever. You're an attractive boy. Yeah. And I get it. People are going to flirt with you. You know what?
Starting point is 00:06:03 I would if your mom was single. All right. All right. Hello. Stick around, man. Yeah, I'm kidding, McCown. You never know what the world holds for us right now. I'm on my Olympics kick harder than I've ever been.
Starting point is 00:06:14 I haven't seen a single. I'm watching. What else you're watching by guy? Curling. We watched curling last night. And then I watched it again. Yeah. Don't you like it?
Starting point is 00:06:25 Yeah. The figure skating. Are we doing good? Who's doing the best in figure skating? We do. We got a sweet little boy. Malman or something? Let's see the gold medal leader
Starting point is 00:06:33 right now is Norway. It would be. Italy and U.S. is in third. But a Nordic country should be in first. It's the Winter Olympics. We had this discussion at dinner. Why isn't the summer and winter Olympics taking place at the same time?
Starting point is 00:06:45 Yeah. Why are they not? Is Ghana on there? Let me see where Ghana is. Ghana's gone. All right. I mean. That was supposed to be a joke.
Starting point is 00:06:55 I got it. No one got to. Well, how come the Jamaican bobsled team isn't on there? Didn't they kind of make a... It made a movie about it. They made a pop about it. Yeah. It was a big deal for a short amount of time. We said, why couldn't the winter and the summer be at the same time?
Starting point is 00:07:07 Why don't they do them at the same time? Ooh. I look at Carlos is trying to figure out the math here. Yeah. Why wouldn't that work? No, it could work. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Let him try to figure it out.
Starting point is 00:07:18 Why wouldn't it work? They wouldn't be in the same place, but it'd be happening the same time. Oh, I thought it was same place, and then the issue was pants versus shorts packing. Oh, packing, so that's the big deal is packing. Like really through me. Right. No, but... You can do it at the same place.
Starting point is 00:07:32 Well, yeah, kind of. There's certain sports you couldn't do, like the long-distance running thing, what's it called? Long-distance running. Well, yeah. No. I think it's... I think it's... I think it's...
Starting point is 00:07:45 Long-distance running? Yeah. It's called long-distance running. No, it's called Marathon. Matathon? Yeah, marathon. Right. The ones that, like, the Africans are good at.
Starting point is 00:07:54 Mm-hmm. Those are the sprints. that's everything. Any running, right, they're good at their... Pretty good at running. All the running. Pretty good at jumping, running. Yeah, running and the jumping, right?
Starting point is 00:08:04 Right? You could do that indoors. Yeah. Right? Yeah. The long marathon, probably not. No, they would just keep running around that track. You'd run around the track.
Starting point is 00:08:15 What's 26 times four? 30,000 times. There it is. Yeah. It's a long day. But I just said you could do it a... Yeah, 26 miles. We know 105 laps.
Starting point is 00:08:25 You could do it hemispherically. because right now it's winter and Australia. I'm sorry, it's summer in Australia, winter elsewhere, right? Winter here, summer there. You just switch it. He just do it summer here, summer there, winter here, just do it at the same time. I think it's a good idea.
Starting point is 00:08:41 I think they should do it simultaneously. That it would make more of a buzz. The Olympics don't have the buzz anymore that they used to have. The Winter Olympics. What does better winter or summer? Summer kills it. It's not even close. Well, because winter is a lot of like skiing and then shooting.
Starting point is 00:08:56 at little targets and then skiing it and then a lot of lusie they're flying I have a suggestion yeah do all three at the same time summer winter what's the other one
Starting point is 00:09:07 the one you put it in Hobbiton or something special special limit so winter summer some fantasy land you know what I don't know I don't know wait what
Starting point is 00:09:16 no winter summer special yeah where do you put special you know what middle earth like middle earth or you know what's at the castle at the Hogwarts what's that Hogwarts
Starting point is 00:09:26 Castle? Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, we're big, we're big Special Olympics fans here. You're great. Huge. I'm huge. You're great at that. I don't know how, so what, we're down on medals. We got some time left. I'm hoping the USA really pops back because we're big USA fans over here. I like when a small country wins something. Like Trinidad and Tobago we said earlier. Yeah. That's our guy. That's our guy. That's our guy. Dude, he is. Wow. Ilia. Xana dude. Maleninen. What? Ilya Malinin. They should have an alternative Olympics,
Starting point is 00:09:58 like turning point Olympics. Oh, they do. Don't you think? Yeah. A turning point Olympic? Just Americans only. Yeah. No, like different competition.
Starting point is 00:10:04 Like, you know, the meth, you know, the meth, you know. The meth lean. Yeah, yeah. Who has the best back bend? Who can be on the best amount of fentanyl touch their toes and wake up? Stuff like that. Yeah. That's pretty good.
Starting point is 00:10:16 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. White Trash Olympics. That's what it would be. Yeah. I think we probably have that. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:21 Oh, Redneck Olympics is a, yeah. Running with a carburetor You got to steal a carburetor and run with it How many fish can you carry? You're just running up there. What? You guys have that. The hot dogs and the...
Starting point is 00:10:36 Hot dog eating competition? Right. That's not a... What are you guys? You're saying that we're turning point? No, he's saying that we're dirty Americans. We are dirty Americans. And you're an American too now, pal.
Starting point is 00:10:45 Yeah, yeah, dude. What do the Spanish compete in? What are you guys good at? Soccer. No, not anymore. Not anymore. No, pretty good. Don't give it.
Starting point is 00:10:54 They're pretty good. Tennis. Who won the last World Cup? Not Spain. It was Argentina. Yeah. When was the last time Spain won a World Cup? 2012.
Starting point is 00:11:05 What does that say? 2010. Yeah. Been a long time, pal. And that, by the way, and that was, what is that? Spain's won eight national teams that have been crown world champs. Participated 16 of total. 2010 is in a long time when you're thinking about it.
Starting point is 00:11:20 They do it every four years. 16 years. So it's been how many? How many World Cups? Let's see. 2010? Four. Four good.
Starting point is 00:11:30 Yeah, yeah. Nice. But you have also a lot of great countries that do what. You think of Brazil, South America. Germany. England, Germany. I mean, there's somebody great. That's good, 2010.
Starting point is 00:11:42 I'm backing you up. It's not bad. I don't like it. Yeah. I can name you really just ballers from Spain. Iniesta, you know him? I do. You don't.
Starting point is 00:11:52 You remember Puyol? Puyol. Yeah, Puyol. Yeah, very good. Ladies and gentlemen, Puyo. Yeah. Some good ones. Some good ones.
Starting point is 00:12:03 The Spanish announcement. Arsenal has some. Do they? Yeah. Michael Marino. Marino. That sounds Italian. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:10 When he says it, yes. Yeah, Marino. How do you spell it in Spanish? Marino. Marino. We have Zubimendi. Is that Spanish? That's Basque.
Starting point is 00:12:21 Basque. Basque. That's, that's. the other side. That's the nice side. Wow. Fancy boy side. So there's ghetto Spanish last name? You give me a ghetto Spanish.
Starting point is 00:12:31 I'll give you one. Yeah, Torres. Rosende. That's a ghetto Spanish last night. Rosendi, yeah, yeah. That's bottom class. Rosendi is bottom class. Write that down.
Starting point is 00:12:43 What does Roscende mean? What does it translate to? Praising something you don't get around here much. Yes. Let's hear how the computer says it. Brother, it's in Danish. Roosene. Yo, so is Garcia, let me look at,
Starting point is 00:13:01 is Garcia a ghetto name or upper class, you think? Garcia, it's just so common. Torres. Torres. Upper clover. Common? Common. What about Iniesta? Very upper.
Starting point is 00:13:13 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So really, class, you can determine class by last name. Look at he's saying yes. Garcia is that. Torres, this dick is a dick, but. Sorry, this dick is a dick butt. It started listening to your conversation. Oh, good.
Starting point is 00:13:27 Get us plugged into AI. Yeah. Dude, AI is just on fire right now. I cannot. Some of it. Driving me nuts. Maybe he helped Tom Cruise and. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:37 What happened? Do you say the black-eyed peas and Tom Cruise? Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise fighting. Is it good? Oh, you Instagram. Just insane. I saw a clip of Seinfeld where George is kicking, you know, I mean, Jerry.
Starting point is 00:13:52 and it looks pretty good. Oh, I saw that into a brick wall? Yeah, that looked amazing. Yeah, it's a Chinese, no, just a message. Whoa. You killed Jeffrey Epstein, you animal. He was a good man.
Starting point is 00:14:07 He knew too much about our Russia operations. He had to die, and now you die too. Dude. It's getting scary, dude. I want to watch that movie. Yeah, yeah. I want to watch that movie, too. And let me tell you something.
Starting point is 00:14:20 What? insane. Tom Cruz in this scenario kills Epstein and Brad's mad. Interesting twist. To have Brad be the bad guy. Yeah. And Tom be the ultimate hero once again.
Starting point is 00:14:33 Yeah. He killed Epstein. And we know that's not true. He's living right now. I saw Epstein today at Blue Bottle Coffee. I saw him at Air One, dude. He went to High Howe. He followed him from High Ho to Air One, dude.
Starting point is 00:14:47 Yeah. And he just disappeared. Yeah. At Air One, I think he gets the Kylie Jenner smoothie or whatever. he loves it yeah yeah yeah which one is it what jenner is it is it Kylie smoothie no it's the other one what's the other one no the other one's Kendall but I think it is Kylie Jenner smoothie do they get a piece of that of course I think she probably got a signing like a deal with them they probably gave her a couple million just to use her name my god has one too
Starting point is 00:15:13 Travis Scott has a smoothie my god there it is there's her there's her smoothie peaches and cream 23 bucks peaches and cream wow no I mean, peaches and green. Wow. Now who, now she's with, what's his name? Timothy. Timothy Shalamay. She's a Shalamay or now.
Starting point is 00:15:29 Yeah. That guy, man. Love him. He's batting a thousand, huh? Oh, yeah. Movies, girls, right? He's dating roster's amazing. Batting a thousand, this kid.
Starting point is 00:15:37 When does it end for him? It doesn't. No, he's forever. Isn't that great? It's great. Good. Yeah, he's Leo. He's Leo.
Starting point is 00:15:43 He's Leo. Yeah, yeah. But the difference is, we don't see him in a baseball hat covering his face all day. He's out, he's out, he's kind of out in them streets. Yeah. He wants an Oscar. Oh, once he gets one, you think he'll cover up? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:55 Hat down. Mm. Yeah. Do you think Leo keeps his hat on when he's banging those models? You think he keeps a hat on and the mask on, the COVID mask and covers up? Mm. And headphones on while he's doing it. Who's that?
Starting point is 00:16:06 Toby. Toby with his girlfriend at, what is this? Who is she? Is she famous? No. Mishka Silva. She's a model, obviously. Super Bowl.
Starting point is 00:16:16 Oh, that was at the Super Bowl? Mm-hmm. Just a new girlfriend. He's, Toby's still doing it, huh? Killing it. Wow. Spider-Man, dude. Yeah, Spider-Man money, dude.
Starting point is 00:16:25 Look at that. Spider-Man, Spider-Man, grabbing all the hot models that he can. You know, I'll be honest. Have you met him before? Toby? No. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:34 No, I don't know. He was a little standoffish when I met him. What hopper? Did you try to ha him? No, I walked up, I tried to talk to him. Dude. Yeah, yeah. It's a great joke.
Starting point is 00:16:45 You got to land your syllabus. Yeah. Did you ha him? Did you ha him? Hug, can you say G's? Say good gracious. Good gracious. There, hug did you try to hug him?
Starting point is 00:17:00 I think it was the way I was approaching, I was trying to like talk to him, I was like, hey dude, I'm Spider-Man, good. Are you good? I get it, I'm on his side. Like I was doing what you were doing. I couldn't get my words out, you know what I mean? Just good, dude, you did, Spider-Man, good.
Starting point is 00:17:19 Yeah. Hey, hey, man. Hey, I get it. Have you done that? And he tells his assistant, he's like, what was up with that disabled Chinese boy? Yeah, yeah. I got nervous. I'll tell you who locked me up pretty good.
Starting point is 00:17:31 You know when you think someone might know who you are in our business? So you think if they see you, they'll go, hey man, you know, or a different acknowledgement. You make an assumption. Well, no, no, just that they think you might not just be a fan that you're someone who's like a somewhat of a peer. Yeah. I was going to a coffee shop. This is a long time ago. So credit to him.
Starting point is 00:17:48 He probably didn't know who I was. but I was going to get a coffee and Oscar, Martinez, Oscar from the office. He's getting out of his car and he's going to the meter to pump the meter. By himself, by the way, so I wouldn't interrupt him if he was with somebody,
Starting point is 00:17:59 you know, whatever. And then I'm coming out of the coffee shop and I go, hey man. And he goes, he turns, he goes, hi. And I go, you're great, man, just to, you know, I love your work. And he goes, okay? Like, pissed.
Starting point is 00:18:10 And I was like, oh, but then I thought for a second, he'd be like, are you a comment? Or, you know. That's what you make, you took a risk. It's my fault. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wasn't your fault?
Starting point is 00:18:20 Well, I... That's not your fault. But he could have at least gone, thanks, man. He was kind of like a... All right, like, get the fuck out of here. Yeah. And I, and so I threw my coffee on him. No, but I kind of locked me up.
Starting point is 00:18:33 I was like, oh shit, I thought... That's what you treat. I treat everybody as if they're a producer. Not, you don't do that to everybody. No, no, a homeless guy would be like, hey, buddy back to me. I go, man, good to see you. I mean, because you never know.
Starting point is 00:18:48 You never know, dude. Because one time I saw Rick Ruman at the comedy store And people were like there's a homeless guy in the you know what I mean Well this is before Rick Ruman lost the weight and stuff like that and he looked disheveled Yeah And in my mind I always thought oh it could be anybody Right So just if it's a homeless person you know what I mean
Starting point is 00:19:07 You know bino Puerto Rican guy with his blind you know me You just treat as if they produce You're like John Ligizamo What are you doing here? Yeah I treat everyone as if they're like a big time. I mean, I had a moment. I talked about it today earlier,
Starting point is 00:19:24 but man, it got me. There was a moving truck outside of the house. It was blocking the driveway, and I had to get out of the driveway. And so I walked out there. It's early in the morning. I was like, hey, brother, because it's a 18-wheeler truck.
Starting point is 00:19:35 It's a huge truck. I was like, hey, man, are you guys going to, like, is there any way for us to get out because we're blocked here? And the guy's like, yeah, in a little bit. And I was like, all right, well, I mean, we got to get out, man.
Starting point is 00:19:46 And then he goes, I know who you are. And I was like, hey man. And he goes, I know where you live. No. Yeah. And I was like, right on, dude. And I started to walk inside. And then I hear him going,
Starting point is 00:19:58 the fucking Bobby mom guy. Bobby mom. Yeah. And then I pulled out and they're just staring at me. But it does feel weird. It feels weird. For him to be like, I know where you live was weird as shit. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:10 So I guess. And they do. And they do. I know. Well, if I die next week, that's it. Yeah. Yeah. Do you ever do this today?
Starting point is 00:20:15 So I was late. No, so I have therapy on Thursday. days. It's all the way in the NC now, so I know exactly when to leave my house. You have to leave at 315 because of the time. Okay. It's like there's traffic. But this time on the 101, there's deadlock. Oh, yeah. Right. And then I looked on my thing and said there was an accident. And when I got to the accident, oh my God. Horrific? No, it wasn't that horrific. It was like two girls sitting against the curb of the freeway. And they're just like, you know, you know what I mean? Lamenting.
Starting point is 00:20:48 Yeah, talking to a cop, and they're like this and that. There was another car, right? And I came just close, just rolling down the window. I'm just screaming at them. Why? Because they caused all this chaos. They got into an accident. I know, that's my point.
Starting point is 00:21:01 It's that that's why I didn't roll down the window. I'm a good person. I didn't roll down the window. You're right. Yeah, but in a society where I goes, like, fucking bitch. Yeah. I had a fucking four o'clock. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:21:12 Most people would go, is everyone okay? Not me, not me, not me, not me. No. I'm late. You know, you know, feel resentful? No, what are you going to do? Oh, no one in the room. Namaste, dog. Thank you, Carlos. I'm a big road rage guy. Yeah, I'm a road rage guy. And that's why your car is dented to shit. Yeah. You're Mr. Drive too fast and wild. You don't have road rage. Honestly, when I get in the car,
Starting point is 00:21:33 I reserve. It's over. The car, it's over. I can do nothing about it. Oh, my God. This guy, he's namaste. No, only in the car. Because what I, we've lived here for so long. It's not a surprise. I never get on the freeway and go, what? What the heck is all there? I know what's coming. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've never once gotten into a bumper to bumper on the 405 and been like, this is
Starting point is 00:21:58 just unreal. It's every fucking day. Everywhere you go in L.A., there's a line and there's traffic. I don't care. I'm over it. You know what I do to skip the lines? I go to a place that's shittier. I just go to the place I got a B. I'll just go to the place I got a B or C.
Starting point is 00:22:14 There's coffee shops on every corner. Just go to the shittier one. Oh, no, no, no, no, I disagree. You want to go to the good one? Yeah, I go to the good one. An Alfred's, right? I will park in a red. No.
Starting point is 00:22:26 Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I do a legal thing. I run red lights. Well, I do that. Oh, you do? Well, because those are suggestions. Oh, they are?
Starting point is 00:22:33 Yeah, red light is kind of like, hey, you're going to stop? And you're like, I'll get through it. I think you should be able to run red lights. Yeah. And the green should be delayed on the other side. Stephen Pearl, an old comic had a song that he would sing. made me laugh, but whenever I say it, no one never laughs. Give it.
Starting point is 00:22:49 He goes, um, I, I stop sign ain't nothing about an octagon. An octagon ain't gonna tell me what to do. Factor. Cold days, big goals, no time to cook. Factor makes healthy eating easy with fully prepared meals designed by dieticians and crafted by chefs.
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Starting point is 00:26:30 An octagon. I'm going to tell me what to do. Yeah, yeah. You know, he died in a car accident. Stephen Pearl. Dude, this dude was so funny back in the day when I was young. There was with Robin. Yeah. He grew up with Robin at the zoo back in San Francisco. Oh, really? Yeah, back in the day. Wow. And when I was a young guy, you know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:26:50 He used to headline that La Jolla commenter when I was a doorman down there. And he used to open with that song. Would it kill? Yeah. In a silly way. Like, that's the silliest thing I've ever, you know. But he's right. It's a suggestion.
Starting point is 00:27:02 It's a suggestion. He's right. Ain't going to tell me what to do. I do. Parking in the red is good. Macone did that the other day. Parked all day in the red. Didn't get a ticket. I was shocked.
Starting point is 00:27:09 Yeah. Right here. I do it all the time. Yeah. In the valley, yeah. You can't do that over the hill. You play that game in the city. you're gonna get one.
Starting point is 00:27:18 Not over here, pal. But no, I don't wait in these lines. Like there's a line, there's a place called community goods. Hot spot coffee shop. And they have a line down the block. Every single day. Look at that.
Starting point is 00:27:31 Is that community goods? The picture of the business is a line. If that's not a deterrent, I don't know what it is. So you'd never been to community good. And I will never go. Yeah, yeah. Is there coffee there? Is coffee all over the fucking place?
Starting point is 00:27:43 Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's coffee and it's breakfast, right? Right? There's no chance it's better than every other fucking place. There's a place in Los Felas like that that you wait in line and you go in and it's just packed. I don't know what it's called. It's much like community. All time? Probably that.
Starting point is 00:27:59 All time. Yeah. Every time I'm on like a Raya date, they want to meet there. And I just go, fuck. There's valet. Oh, there is? Valet at a coffee shop? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:28:09 It's not coffee. It's food. Oh, it's actual meat. Yeah. Okay, that's fine. Yeah. And all these cool people are there. I hate cool people.
Starting point is 00:28:16 don't you? I'm done with it. You're one of them. Fuck off. You live in the cool people area. I know, but I'm like one of you guys. No, you're not. You're not one of us. No, you're not. No, we don't, we don't claim you. No. You're not a part of our club. It's like Predator. Badlands. Yeah, Predator Badlands. We got to see Predator Badlands before an X episode so we can
Starting point is 00:28:32 discuss this because everyone's talking about it. It's been, I saw it in the theater. It's been out for months and months and months and what are you talking about? I haven't seen it. I've been telling you to watch it. It's in the theater now? No. No. No. Hulu now. it's on Hulu? And Disney Plus, yeah.
Starting point is 00:28:46 Even better. I'll watch it at home. Who's in it? Fanning. Yeah, Fanning. El. Dakota Fanning? L.
Starting point is 00:28:53 L? Great. Yeah. Fan of the fanings, fan of the show. I love Fanning's. Big Fanning fan. Big Fanning fan. I'm a fan fan for life. And who's on the cover?
Starting point is 00:29:03 That's her. Yeah, it's her. Well, I mean, that doesn't look like her. Why do they do that? Well, she's an android. Yeah. Yeah, but in the movie, she looks like her. But in the poster, it doesn't look like her at all.
Starting point is 00:29:11 I couldn't tell you. And who is the predator? Oh, so Demetri. Schuster Colomagati. Yeah. We got to pick a different last name, bud. Yeah. Demetrius Schuster Chuster Kola.
Starting point is 00:29:23 Wait, sorry, go back so I can see his name. Koloa Matangi. Kolo Matangi. God, that's hard to say. Do you ever do that like a comic will have a really difficult last name? That's young. Yeah. And I don't do this anymore because it's wrong.
Starting point is 00:29:40 I feel bad for even. But it's just like, I would, hey, me may change the last name. name. What do you mean? Well, your name is Dimitri Al-a-Malonga-Malonga. Just change it to let you mean. Steve Smith. Steve Smith. Right? Or, no? They said that to Leonardo DiCaprio and Benicio del Toro. Those are easy things to say. DeCabrio is one of the easiest things to say.
Starting point is 00:30:05 Leonardo was Leonardo da Vinci. Everybody, that's our familiar name. And DiCaprio is not anything insane. Yeah. But then once Zach came along, I was like, oh, it's fine. Yeah. Yeah, but imagine how long. It took a long, yeah. Even back when I saw met open mics in the 90s, I would never was, I didn't even bother, you know what I mean, I just called him Zach.
Starting point is 00:30:24 Like if I was bringing on a guy with a name like Zach, Oh my gut's nightmare. I would just literally go, ladies gentlemen, this next time we're going to love it. It's Zach G. I would just do that. I can't. If I could,
Starting point is 00:30:35 well, because I would butcher it'd be worse if I didn't butcher it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck it. I'll just say Zach G. I do that still, even friends of mine, I can't say it right. Esther P. Astor P.
Starting point is 00:30:45 Yeah, Aster P. Right. You know, another one is Christina P. Right. Well, yeah, you can't say her last name. I can't say it. I know. I've never said it right ever.
Starting point is 00:30:53 But she goes by Christina P. Sometimes. Yeah, I say, yeah. My doctor, my psychiatrist is under, look, I just texted them today. Dr. Mike. It's impossible to say his last name. So when I first met, I was like, hey, can I just call you Dr. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:08 And he was like, yeah, that's fine. Because it's like, what to say, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I said that because a woman that was working for us. A woman that was working for us, her last name was so unbelievable. It was literally like, what a sanari-sanasaphone. Yes.
Starting point is 00:31:21 At some point, I just like, I'm not even going to say here. Yeah. It's, I can't even. There should have been a rule back in the beginning of time where a last main can only be five letters. That's really good. Don't you think? That's really good. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:35 Look at these. Five letters. Like a Bengali surname. Yeah, yeah. Chata-pada chada-chata-chata-chata-chi. Yeah. Chaka-to-boda-B. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:43 But well, you know what? These are easier because you just mumble it. You'd go, Mateo, Chagapata, Chattagapada, Gha, Gita. If you said it close, no, no. And also, they know that their last names are complex. So they let it go usually. If it's like super long, you know, they're not going to go, hey, it's Polo Warno going to my life.
Starting point is 00:32:03 They're not going to say that. They correct you? Yeah, yeah. It's Polo going to want to be. Yeah. So you don't say it that way. It's like, dude, it's like, I can't. I'm sure.
Starting point is 00:32:12 I can't do it. It's not part of my... It's not a part of my vocabulary. I can't do it. Yeah. First names, keep it simple too, I think. Keep it easy. Keep it easy, dude.
Starting point is 00:32:22 You know? Take it easy, keep it easy. You have a very easy name. Bobby, Andrew. Santino Lee. Yeah, Santino Lee. Yeah, yeah. Carlos.
Starting point is 00:32:30 Now, Herrera, Herrera. A little tough. Herrera. Yeah. Arera. You know what I also don't like when you have a Spanish name and you see someone like Megan Kelly or something, super pronounced the double R and does the role.
Starting point is 00:32:45 I don't like it. She goes, and let me tell you something about Carlos Harare. I don't like it. Especially when she's like angry about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And here is this bad bunny. He's got his whole crew of Mexicans dancing behind him. He's got Carlos Ropez.
Starting point is 00:33:02 It's crazy. It's crazy. Yeah. To just like dip in and dip out. I don't like it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They all do that. But newscasters do that.
Starting point is 00:33:10 It drives me nuts. Yeah, yeah. You know, I talked on stage last night about Latin X. I tried some new shit about Latin X. Remember they tried Latin X? And I asked a Mexican guy in the front row. I go, hey, bro, do you, what's up with Latin X? He's like, no, we wouldn't fuck him with it.
Starting point is 00:33:27 I was like, so White's just tried to like shoehorn that in. He was like, yeah, nah. I said, did any Latinos you know? Fuck with it? He's like, no, what the fuck? No. But it's funny. Why?
Starting point is 00:33:38 We tried to do it. White tried to do it. It wasn't the woke. I know, but it was so, nobody asked for it to change. Carlos, did you ask for it? Fuck no. I feel like you asked for it. I was pitching a TV show during that time and there was a Hispanic character and they made me put Latin X in.
Starting point is 00:33:54 And like, everyone gave me shit about it. It's just, putting my own friends. But it's like so, but what about saying someone's Latin is offensive? Give me a learning lesson. Is it offensive? No. I don't think so. I mean, it was.
Starting point is 00:34:06 Well, you're fucking Latin. Yeah. I mean, technically. I was pushing for Asian Z. Yeah. And it doesn't catch on at all. Wait, calling someone Latin is generally not considered an offensive slur. While not inherently racist, it is less precise than using an appropriate terms like Latino, Latina, Hispanic.
Starting point is 00:34:23 I know, but it's an encompassing thing. Yeah, exactly. So because of the Latino and Latina, they decided for Latin X, so they didn't have to do gender. But you could just say Latin and it would encompass both. Right. Right. So this doesn't make any sense. Like I'm a pale white.
Starting point is 00:34:39 I don't need that. No. Yeah, pale white. No, we got categorized. I got, oh. Oh. No. No.
Starting point is 00:34:47 Right, I'm a pale white, but I don't, I'm just a white. At the end of the day, I'm just a white. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:34:57 Yeah, yeah. Normal white. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And normal hair color. Yeah. Come on, everybody. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:35:05 Come on, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:35:12 I like this bit. What? We don't need it. What? We just don't need the extra bullshit. Too much extra shit. Too much extra shit. Like I'm searching for a new doctor on the website, on like the insurance website.
Starting point is 00:35:28 Dude, I mean, it's all I want to know is what do you do. And they give way too much extra shit. Like too much information stuff that they do. Like the first tab was gender affirming care. Yeah. I was like, What about internal medicine? I just want to know if you'll find out if I'm fucking sick.
Starting point is 00:35:46 Yeah. Do the scan, dude. I'm going to do the scan. When you do the scan, I want to do the scan. Well, let's go together. I'm being real, though. I really big, because I don't know if Japan's being real, July. But can I tell, we, it is scan.
Starting point is 00:35:59 No, no. I want Japan and scan to be real. Japan is real. Okay. Why are you bringing up beautiful women on the internet? That's what you told, you showed me when we were talking about Japan. The worst person you know is, planning their Japan
Starting point is 00:36:12 2026 trip I was thinking it is true why why is that even she's saying because there's a trend of Japan right now
Starting point is 00:36:22 people want to go to Japan yeah there's two trends on the internet that are big one is people think this is Japan year and two people think they're Chinese they're turning Chinese do you know about this
Starting point is 00:36:31 I send it to Andrea Jin all the time because there's stuff that says you make me Chinese there's like memes now that whites think they're turning Chinese you think I'm kidding it's all over the internet. Like I'm becoming Chinese is a real thing. And I want to say this to all of our fans and
Starting point is 00:36:46 friends out there. I'll be Korean before I'll be Chinese. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. It means the world to me. It means the world to me that I'd be, I'd rather be a normal white than be Chinese as well. What are you looking at? Nothing. Your little sweet prints on your phone, aren't you? Yeah, you know, too much, I think. Yeah, it's too much, What are your hours this week? What do I mean? Doomscroll. Can I look?
Starting point is 00:37:15 Yeah. Okay. That was like 12 hours. I think it's because of the Lexa Pro, I think it's a lot. What do I Google again? Not Google, but. I'm at 11 hours today. My average is seven hours a day.
Starting point is 00:37:27 Six and a half. Not bad. Seriously? Daily average, mine says seven hours. Yeah. It's bad, right? What's yours? Mine's only a five and a half this week.
Starting point is 00:37:37 What's yours? Seven. Oh. Yeah, seven, too. normal? Yeah, yeah. Right? Seven hours a day is crazy. Why? Why? Because you're constantly looking at for seven hours of it. It's insane. What's the usual average? Four hours? Oh, no. Well, Caveman had none. You know, that's the point. Problematic phone usage. Exceeding five. Yeah, for high risk for mental health issues, depression, anxiety, reduced productivity. Here's good
Starting point is 00:38:03 news. Got them all already. Oh, you already have them. Yeah. So when you're, when you already have anxiety depression. Yeah, yeah. So big deal. Yeah. Also, reduced productivity. I don't believe that at all. We're the most productive team I've ever met in my entire life. All of us are on our phone all the time. But anxiety and depression for sure, for sure. But I didn't build these machines. They were given to us. Yes. We are a subject of the machine. You want to blame someone. Blame Musk. He didn't have anything to do it. No, he didn't. No. Blame. Jobs. Jobs. Jobs. Yeah. He's gone. Steve Jobs. That's right. I was thinking about like the jobs I've had in the past.
Starting point is 00:38:41 So many bad. You know what I mean? Like my coffee shop got job. Here you go. Here's the phone. You could blame some of those. You could blame some of your current issues on some of those past jobs. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:50 But it's not worth it. Yeah. You know? Yeah. I begin to think that it's probably not healthy. I'm beginning to think the phone's not healthy. Every time I look, I should be reading a book, but I can't be shook. I'll get back on the gram.
Starting point is 00:39:12 Yeah. Is this healthy just sitting there and doing nothing? Yeah. Just sitting there and just, I'm being real. I've been trying it. Being? Yeah, just sometimes I'll wake up. I'll sit down.
Starting point is 00:39:23 I have a little chair, a comfy chair. It is a little, little, little chair. It's a little tiny chair. Yeah, I mean, and it's very comfortable, though. And I'll sit there for like half an hour and do nothing. No, that's very good for you. Yeah. Very good.
Starting point is 00:39:35 It's collecting yourself. But, you know, here's the deal. But then tragedies. occur in my mind. Give me one. Like, just like, you know, 9-11 or when my dad used to beat me. Like, just crazy things. You went from 9-11 to my dad used to be.
Starting point is 00:39:48 That's still going through your head? Sometimes. I guess you never forgot. You never forget. Yeah. 12 years in retreat. We need to do something like this, a Buddhist retreat. The longest meditation.
Starting point is 00:39:57 So, Jets-Summa, a Tibetan Buddhist, spent 12 years in meditation retreat in cave in northern India. Similarly extreme training in some Hindu traditions involved 12 years in a hermitage. Jet Lee did that. Yeah. People go, where's Jet Li been? He's been meditating since the last movie, I think.
Starting point is 00:40:19 Dude, that's what he said. I was meditating for the last 15 years. Wow. That's what he said? Now I'm back. Like, back for what? You're fucking a thousand years old now. No one wants to see you.
Starting point is 00:40:29 It's believed in some Buddhist traditions that the Buddha himself meditated for 49 days under the body tree. 49, you couldn't get to 50, huh? Mm-mm. just couldn't knock out one day to round on the number. Yeah, I mean, that seems pretty weak. It's weak, dude.
Starting point is 00:40:43 Decades in a lifetime. Tukdam, some Tibetan months are said to enter a state of Tukdam, a dead but not dead state of deep meditation where the body does not decay for weeks after clinical death. They're doing what you do in the tiny chair. Yeah, I tookdom in the chair. Tuckedom in the chair. I'll be tuckdomin.
Starting point is 00:40:57 Oh, so that guy's Tuck Dom right now? Mm-hmm. Zoom in. You got to give me a picture of a Tuktom. I think that might be post-tuk-tum. You took them with your eyes open. That's better, I think. I'm hoping we took this dumb off the screen at some point.
Starting point is 00:41:11 Yeah. I mean, this is crazy. And by the way, we're not insulting these people. This is brilliant and amazing and beautiful. It just, I mean, he looks uncomfortable. He does not look. He doesn't look comfortable. That sure doesn't look temperate.
Starting point is 00:41:23 No. Yeah. Imagine how bad your ass would hurt. Oh, go to that picture on the left of it, of the one you have on right now, just the left. This is mummified in Tukedom. Wow. You zoom in? The Buddhist claim this guy's in Tukedom.
Starting point is 00:41:36 Still. Yeah, yeah. Well, they think he's not dead still. Yeah, they claim that. They're collecting his social security. That's why. No, he's still getting the payments. He's alive.
Starting point is 00:41:45 He's just intuked him right now. Yeah. Just cash in government checks. No, no, no. He's in there. He's there. Hems. Hair, dude.
Starting point is 00:41:57 You got to have hair. You got to have hair. You got to have hair. You got to have hair. If you don't, you know what I mean? No offense, Carlos. It happens. Yeah, it happens, dude.
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Starting point is 00:42:36 hair that you've been dreaming of. Man, the summer's coming. For simple online access to personalize and affordable care for hair loss, weight loss, and more, visit Hems.com.com slash bad friends. That's Hems.com slash bad friends for your free online visit. Hems.com slash bad friends. Feature products include compounded drug products with the FDA does not approve or verify for safety effectiveness or quality prescription required.
Starting point is 00:42:55 See website for full details, restriction, important safety information. Interviews or results may vary based on studies of topical and oral, monoxide and fanasteride. Quo! Quo is the number one rated business phone system on G2 with over 3,000 reviews built for how modern teams work. That's why more than 90,000 businesses from solo operators to growing teams rely on Quo to stay connected, professional, and consistently reachable.
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Starting point is 00:44:14 Are you excited to go out east to shoot? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know, but excitement's the word. Why not? It's good to act again. Yeah, but it's not an excitement. That's got to feel good. You know, my problem is this, is that, and this is true, is I'm supposed to be a drunk in
Starting point is 00:44:26 and I have a problem playing a drunk. I did it one time with that Vince Vaughn sketch I did like five years ago for Bill Burr. and I don't know if it's real I mean so it's like how do you play a drunk guy? Because there's ways to do it that's like so sketchy that it doesn't feel real
Starting point is 00:44:42 I see how do you play it? I think if you're an actual alcoholic and you're drunk you wouldn't know the difference so you should just be kind of like lethargic and normal you would just be lower energy yeah
Starting point is 00:44:52 like let's do the trick is to pretend not to be drunk which is what drunks do right so here you go ready yeah tell me yeah what's your name of the thing
Starting point is 00:45:02 Chang Chang. Jimmy. Jimmy O'Chang? Just Jimmy. Jimmy, what's been going on at the shop today? Hey, man. No, no.
Starting point is 00:45:13 Already too much? No. What do you mean? You're acting. All right. Ask me again. What's been going on in the shop today, Jimmy? I didn't come into the shop today, man.
Starting point is 00:45:24 Why didn't you go into the shop? I just, you know, I don't work every day, man. You don't work every day? We pay you to be here every day. Oh, my bad. I, you know, didn't, I woke up late, you know, I woke up late and I, yeah, it's my bad, man. Yeah, it's good. Is it bad or no?
Starting point is 00:45:45 It's bad. Oh, then you do it. Okay, go ahead. Okay. Hey, Jimmy. Why don't you come into work today? I don't know, man. I don't need to.
Starting point is 00:45:53 You leave me alone. See, that's good. But you're acting drunk. No. You're not? I'm acting disinterested and over it. You have to pick up. Here's what we have to do with you.
Starting point is 00:46:03 To do it again. Jimmy, Jim, did you come into the, did you go into the shop today? Yeah, man, I was there. I went in, I came in, man. Did any customers, you're doing a little San Diego. I am? No man or dude or bro. Just give me.
Starting point is 00:46:20 Oh, no, man, okay. Yeah. What's going on? Why didn't you go to the shop today, Jim? I came into the shop, man. Man again. We got it. No, I don't think we got it.
Starting point is 00:46:31 No, we got it. Hold on. Yeah. You came into the, so did you not see any customers today? Of course I saw customers. I mean, that's what I do. You saw customers. Yeah, man.
Starting point is 00:46:46 I bet sorry. How many customers did you see today? I don't know. Frank O'Neill came in. Mr. O'Neill came by. He's been dead for 13 years. Frank, what? Frank O'Neill, who owns O'Neill's breaks?
Starting point is 00:47:01 Yeah, but, you know, his wife, Lucille. Yeah, Lucia. Jimmy, what's going on? What you mean? I'm fine, dude. I didn't ask if you want. I'm sorry, Larry. I'm fine.
Starting point is 00:47:14 I'm fine, Larry. I need to talk to you in my office. All right, okay. What's going on? Have you been drinking on the job? I had a drink. What did you have? I had a little drink.
Starting point is 00:47:28 What did you have to drink? A beer. How many beers? One beer. dude. How big was the beer? Sorry for saying dude again. Sorry. How big was the beer? Jimmy. Who are you talking to? How big was the beer? What? How big was the beer? It was a beer. You know, how big do beers get?
Starting point is 00:47:49 That's good. That's very good. How big do beers get is great. Yeah, yeah. That's actually... We'll just play with it over there. But I like that. Oh, yeah. Because then it's not playing drunk. You're playing disinterested. I'm playing disinterested. And I like that. Yeah, yeah. I think disinterest is. what an alcohol is when you watch it you're like they're playing drunk I don't like that how do you do it how do you do math that's another
Starting point is 00:48:11 how do you do let's do it well I've told you I told you a long what do you mean what do you tell me I have to all the reason we go to the same guy and I told him this morning I'm not doing that anymore
Starting point is 00:48:27 and leave me the gaze with it I don't feel like it was made out of wood and the woods I'll use for the bridge and the bridge and I'm not going to swallow it ever again And Louisa, Luisa never came home. Ooh, but I'm a hot dog.
Starting point is 00:48:39 I'm hungry. Yeah, the peanut butter and jelly sandwich that you made last night. Let's get one. Let's get one right now. Yeah, let's eat it. That's pretty good. What do you think?
Starting point is 00:48:45 That's good. All right, let's do, um, let's do it all. Let's do it all. Let's do fentanyl. Fentanyl. I don't know how to do. One, two, three.
Starting point is 00:49:00 So mean. What was it called? So mean. What was the Buddhist thing called? Yeah, yeah. Tucked them. Tucked them. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:07 We just tucked them to. I think. I think you're going to play a great role. I think you shouldn't be, I think you should be... Well, they'll give me notes, you know what I mean? But that's the only thing that I'm a little nervous about
Starting point is 00:49:14 because it's like... Well, have you read the scripts? Mm-hmm. So you know, you're ahead of the game. I'm ahead of the game. Yeah, yeah. I haven't memorized the lines yet, but it'll be fine.
Starting point is 00:49:22 It'll be fine. Yeah. Be real, have you ever memorized lines? Yeah, of course I've memorized lines. For all the things I've done, I've memorized lines. Okay. Oh, you think of when I'm on,
Starting point is 00:49:36 like, sex in the city where I'm just making it up? No, they're like, You have to say it word for word. So they wrote those things that you said? Yeah, yeah. I memorize them days before. That's what I'm saying.
Starting point is 00:49:47 You do days? Yeah. I don't do that, yeah. You do it on spot? I do it the morning of. I don't know how that's possible. Yeah, I get in the trailer and I just do it. Yes.
Starting point is 00:49:56 You know, John Cho does that. I saw him do that one. I'll read it. Yeah. I'll read it before. And then I'll memorize the sides that day. Yeah, I have to do it the night before. Because if I ingest it prior to that, I get, I don't.
Starting point is 00:50:07 It gets too scrambled eggs in my mind. So if I read it, I understand what the scene is. Yeah. And then in my trailer or whatever, I'll just, I'll get the lines then. Yeah. And take by take. If it's a huge piece, if it was like a thing we did sometimes on I'm dying here, I'd have like a page and a half. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:23 Of a monologue. Days before. No, no, no. The night before I just do chunks. I divide it in chunks and I use a keyword to continue on my next chunk. Wow. And that keyword indicates what the next piece is. So I just kind of like, I don't like how you divide up an hour, you live 15, 15, 15, 15, 15.
Starting point is 00:50:38 Do you forget when you're there? All the time. Yeah, yeah. It's okay. They've got to be patient. We're going to edit this. It's not fucking live. This is bird man.
Starting point is 00:50:46 Yeah. Like I couldn't, if they were like, we're going to do it in one take, I'd be like, fire me. Fire me right now. Oh, right, right, right. I could never fire me right now.
Starting point is 00:50:54 Yeah. Shoot me on, shoot me. Let me die in the scene. Yeah. And also it's like you, sometimes I need another actor there to calm me down. I remember Oliver Hudson, the pilot for splitting up together.
Starting point is 00:51:06 He had to pull me aside and goes. you're all in your head. It doesn't matter. You know what I mean? Just say your line. And then it was fine. Yeah. What a nice thing for him to do.
Starting point is 00:51:18 Yeah. Yeah. It's just like, you know, you're allowed to make mistakes. Say your line. It's everything's fine. I want to say something, obviously, now that we're in the world of speaking about actors, this will be long after,
Starting point is 00:51:29 but rest in peace to the great James Vanderbake. Oh, my God. I can't, you know, I can't even pout. You know what I hate. Rest and peace. I knew I worked on them before. I know. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:51:38 And what a nice guy. He did Tiger Belly as a just, you know, what a nice guy. And you didn't post a memorial picture. I didn't post anything because of the fact that I'm just, it bothers me. A lot that people do it. When they, you know, they have, I have photos with him. You know, that I could go, you know, rest in peace, brother. And, you know, and I, there was, I asked around, I go, why don't I not want to post it?
Starting point is 00:52:03 Because when I see it, it bothers me. Right. Well. Hollywood does that. Well, it's a little performative, right? It's performative. Sometimes, I mean, look, it's a way to cope. So for some people, they want to put the picture up because it means something to them.
Starting point is 00:52:15 They want to say, I had a relationship with this person I really loved. But for some people, it's a little performative. Like, for some people, it's like you could go up to them after you saw them put that post. Later that night, you'd run into them and be like, hey, man, I'm really sorry about your friend James. They'd be like, James, what do you mean? Yeah. And you're like, Vanderbeak, and they go, oh, yes. Yeah, but what a bummer.
Starting point is 00:52:33 You know, like, some people you can tell it's baloney. And some people, it's very real. But I get what you're saying. It's hard to post. He's just, he was an authentically nice person. Yeah. He really was. Super easy to be with.
Starting point is 00:52:49 Very helpful on set. And, you know, it wasn't like super close to him. You know, we did a series together and then we would hang out a little bit after that before when he lived here in L.A. Yeah. And like I said, we ponded together. but, you know, what a loss, and it's just super sad. Yeah, it's a bum.
Starting point is 00:53:10 It's a real bummer. The good ones go. Because some people that are fucking fucked wards are still alive, you know. Let's name it. We'll put up a list right there. I'm not going to put a list. Everyone knows what I'm talking about, but it's like, yeah. There are people that, yeah, so it's like, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:53:24 What does it mean? Life is precious. Life is short. We should get screened. He did talk about that. So we'll do the body screening. Because he talked about it because he got diagnosed quite young. what is he 46 or something
Starting point is 00:53:35 I don't mean yeah 48 I think I mean that's a young that's a terribly young death you know and the children he has so many children they're just gonna be robbed of
Starting point is 00:53:46 you know he had a lot of kids yeah he did they're at almost two million on their go fund me what do you mean the Vanderbeek family has a go fund me
Starting point is 00:53:56 the fans set up and they're almost at two mil oh wow yeah it sent me the go fund me seriously I will. I don't want to make anything
Starting point is 00:54:07 that would be misconstrued here, but how much you're going to give? Are you want to be real? Well, you brought it up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We've done this before. And you want my honest, you know? Well, yeah.
Starting point is 00:54:25 Yeah. If you really want him to send it to you. Probably a grand. A thousand American dollars. Yeah. So they wanted 1.5 and they got 2 million already. I hope they get as much. Oh, they already exceeded it?
Starting point is 00:54:37 Yeah, but I hope they... Nothing. Oh, so now you're not going to give anything. No. She wants some. A grand. I think that family deserves as much as they can for losing someone. Are you going to contribute?
Starting point is 00:54:47 Dude. Someone gave $30,000. Wow. The point I was making, if you gave $30,000, you want people to know. You either, then. You either, pal. That's rude that you wouldn't even say something like that. You'd want people to pass. If I had $30 grand to give, I would do it anonymously.
Starting point is 00:55:15 Don't raise your voice. And you have $30,000 to give. And you could do it, but you would put your name up there. That's what I'm saying. The Dow. That was that. Anyway, um. Raise your hand if you agree he'd put his name up there.
Starting point is 00:55:28 Go ahead. See? Yeah. You would. You know you would. And here's why. You're giving the money. It's not bad, but you'd go, hey.
Starting point is 00:55:40 I'll tell you why I wouldn't. Can I, can I, can I, can I, um, sure, you know. Fight your case? Fight my case. Yeah. Okay. You're not going to, I'm going to bring it back to Star Doe Valley. Okay.
Starting point is 00:55:53 As everything does. Everything. Life always does. Yeah, okay. It should. So in Star Doe Valley, there is a character named Pam. Love Pam. We have a crush on Pam, right?
Starting point is 00:56:01 Yeah. And he has a daughter named Penny. Okay. Pam is a guy. I thought that was a girl. It's a woman. Well, you said he has a daughter named. She got it. And she drives the truck.
Starting point is 00:56:11 Okay. You know, go back to Pam. Yeah. Penny saw it. Pam could be both. You know, Pam is pretty. Okay, so. Who knows what that is?
Starting point is 00:56:19 Right. So they live, Pam and Penny live in a trailer. Yes, that I can see by the photo. Okay. So they live in a trailer, right? They're at. Yeah. You know, what is this with trailers and redheads?
Starting point is 00:56:30 We all grow up in trailer. Yeah, yeah. We do that. Yeah, yeah. And that, you know, because they have red hair, and I love you. Yes. So, you know, I, so there is a, in the game,
Starting point is 00:56:41 you can get rid of the trailer and build them a brand new house. Wow. Right? And you don't get any points for, don't do that with Penny. Don't do that with Penny. You don't get any points
Starting point is 00:56:53 for building them a house. Yeah, but there is a little dialogue thing where, um, okay. Okay, somebody said, don't get me hard, David. All right. Is that Penny porn?
Starting point is 00:57:06 Yeah, it's Penny porn. Yeah, yeah. That's not. Because she is somebody that I do marry in the game. So you're in love with Penny. I love Penny. And that just got me like, you know what I mean? Anyway, dude, don't get me started with Penny.
Starting point is 00:57:17 Wow. Oh, wow. Interesting. Anyway. Interesting. All right, let's, can we move on from it? Can we move on from it? That's in your little chair at your reflection time.
Starting point is 00:57:26 She'll make you cock dumb or whatever. So anyway. Anyway, there's a thing in it where the carpenter goes to you, Robin, she goes, should I tell him that you gave him all this money to build it or should we just, you know what I mean, just keep it anonymous. And I always choose anonymous because it's like, but you don't get any perks either way. Like what does it matter? You know what I mean? But I always choose anonymous. So you think.
Starting point is 00:57:56 Yes, I do. Garthew Valley Penny. I'm sold. Yeah. I'm sold. Because ethically, I'm just like that. Yeah. Last year when I sent up my special Olympics thing,
Starting point is 00:58:05 Andrew Dunn't two grand anonymously. Yeah. And you didn't respond to the message. Yeah, because I don't respond to anything you said. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's not a good case. Yeah. The only reason you knew it was me
Starting point is 00:58:18 is because I gave a joky name. Yeah, you said generous Gary or whatever. Yeah, and I would have done the same thing. You know what I mean? But only you know that. Sleki Nakamura. Okay. So.
Starting point is 00:58:27 Coming up again, I'll send you another. Yeah, I'll say whatever. You know what I'm saying? Nakey. Yeah, yeah. If your nickname would be Sneaky Nakamura. Yeah, I'll do Sneaky Nakamura, but my point is this. I would do it anonymously.
Starting point is 00:58:39 So I think you're wrong. Okay. Yeah, that's my defense. It's fine. I'm excited to see your name up there on the GoFundMe. Yeah. And you know, I will say this. I'm glad we never said anything about James on the show prior because people blame us all
Starting point is 00:58:53 the time that when we talk about a celebrity, they pass away. We already did it, right? Catherine O'Hara, I know. We did that. We spoke about her, and then weeks later, she died. No, that's not true. It is true. We've done it so many times on the show
Starting point is 00:59:04 and people bring it up, I guess. The guy said we've done it. There's people that track how many times we've talked about people for some reason. Let's do an experiment right now. We'll throw out a name and just see. Willie Nelson's still alive. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:17 William Shatner also alive, 94. William Shatner's a good one. Clint Eastwood, that's a good one. If I was going to do a death poll. Yeah, yeah. You know, I don't wish death on any of these people, but if once you reach 90, don't you feel like you did it?
Starting point is 00:59:30 You really did it. You lived a full. Imagine if you got to 9. and you're like, I just don't know if I've lived a full life. Yeah. 90? You did it. 95.
Starting point is 00:59:37 Who's the oldest up there? Lee Grant, an actress, turned 100 in 2026. Oh, 101 is Eva Marie Saint. Yeah, she's the girl in North by Northwest. Oh, my God. And she won an Academy Award for North by Northwest, right? Yeah. She's 101, but she lives, what does say, so sad.
Starting point is 00:59:57 Well, everyone she knows is dead. You know, that's something that my grandmother used to say. She's like, all my friends are dead. You live to 90. All your friends are gone. Well, and who can they talk to? Yeah. Like, imagine your grandma.
Starting point is 01:00:08 Imagine a 97-year-old woman now. Yeah. Going, what is going on? And everyone around her is like, six, seven, bitch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, fuck, I'd want to be out of here. Like, if that's the world, everyone's vaping. Yeah, but when I'm old, I'm going to talk to Neeroy.
Starting point is 01:00:26 Sorry? Neeroy. Who's that? He's my robot. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, your little robot. Hello, I'm Neeroy. Hello, Neeroy.
Starting point is 01:00:34 What's going on today? Can you stop jerking off, Bobby? I have to watch this all of the day. Yeah. But wouldn't I have an AI robot that talks to me all that? You're going to get it. It's doing backflips now, this fucking weirdo thing from robotics from Boston Dynamics. They can literally, they just did a complete, what do you call that in gymnastics when they do the turnover?
Starting point is 01:00:56 There it is. There it was. It just did it. Crazy. Yeah. There it is. Doing a fucking back. flip. Look at this. Yeah. And it's in
Starting point is 01:01:03 slow motion. That's incredible. Look at this. Boston Dynamics, you said? Yeah, look at, watch us. End of society. That's the end of society. Yeah. If it can backflip, it can fuck us up. It can, yeah. It's going to learn to beat our ass. Is this
Starting point is 01:01:23 the one word fell? There's one where it falls. Yeah, that's funny. Yeah, that's what you get. Yeah. Thinking you're like us. Running on ice? Uh-huh. Aha. Pause it. It's two years away for perfection. Dude, how funny.
Starting point is 01:01:42 Imagine he goes back with the other robots when they're like, you know, they're down at night. And they're like, we sell you fall. Yeah, yeah. And he's like, no, you didn't. He's like, yes, we did. You ate shit. La, la, la, la, la, la, la.
Starting point is 01:01:55 You suck, you suck. They're going to take you apart tomorrow. You know they're going to be so aware. So they're going to reach awareness where they know. What if it was falling on purpose To give us a false sense of security Ooh now you're really Now dude
Starting point is 01:02:09 Now you're digging in You're digging it You think they were falling on purpose To trick humans into thinking they're still flawed But they had the technology They already know They know Gosh
Starting point is 01:02:19 Yeah You're right I can't like They have fingers What do you want those for When I'm signed Oh Yeah you mean just fingers
Starting point is 01:02:29 Gang robots Yeah you meet Illuminati They're like Let's have blood Yeah yeah I used to grow mushrooms with my buddy and at Tupperware underneath his bed we inoculated the spores and all that stuff.
Starting point is 01:02:42 Is it the hallucination? Yeah, the magic mushroom. Imagine we just were doing Shataka. Nah, just good old woodier mushroom. Yeah, no, we were doing, we grew mushrooms under his bed. It was kind of amazing. We ordered the spores offline. Wow.
Starting point is 01:02:58 It was the back, like, new internet. You know where you dig to find out the web where you could buy illegal drugs and we inoculated. How long them take it to grow it? I don't, my frame of reference would be bad. So a couple of weeks to a month or so, I don't really remember. It would work.
Starting point is 01:03:12 Yeah, they weren't that strong. I remember drying them out and they just weren't that good. And, you know, and we were probably already smoking weed and drinking. So you're like, maybe they are working. Who knew if they ever worked? Yeah, yeah. But I did mushrooms one time with my buddy Tyler. We went to a haunted house.
Starting point is 01:03:25 And that was one of the, just insanely stupid things to go to haunted house tripping balls. Yeah. It's not fun. You want to be, you want to like, be reliant. you know, relaxed when you're on mushrooms. I like going to a mall. On drugs, yeah.
Starting point is 01:03:37 Yeah, yeah. Well, no more for you. Never again. Yeah, maybe. No, Bobby. Who knows? Robert? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:03:42 You know, it's funny because I, I know, I never wanted to go in public spaces when I was on drugs. That was what so, that was so stupid. I never wanted to do that. What's that, dude? They have, like, psychedelic simulators on you. For guys that are sitting at home,
Starting point is 01:03:55 tripped out, they want to look at stuff on. Oh, let me see. Let me see one. It's like, if you're, like, sober, what it would be like to do mushrooms? That is so realistic. Oh, wow, that is. Wow.
Starting point is 01:04:04 I think spiral and stuff. Yeah. Yeah, the movement of things is always what got me. That's why it was hard to go places. This is what it's like for me every day. I'm thinking about, we're thinking about getting another dog. That's fantastic. And let me tell you why.
Starting point is 01:04:18 Why? She found a dog that is not in good shape that has not a lot of years left. No. Get a new one. No, no, but listen. But she said, get a brand new one. She said, wouldn't you rather help this dog and have its last. last few years be amazing other than sitting in a whatever, you know, in a shelter or whatever.
Starting point is 01:04:38 Can I, can I be, can I have an argument against it? Yeah. Okay. So we did that. We have one named Remy. Yeah. Who I love like I love all my animals. Okay. So you sold me on that. I'm in. All right. But I've had four years of Remy, right, where I could have had 15, 16 years from me. I thought you were going to be like, I thought he'd be dead by now. Yeah. And a year ago, The vet was like, you should really think about putting him down and we can't do it. No, let life do it. Yeah, yeah. But Remi is like, like, dude, blind, spine twisted, you know, like just fucked.
Starting point is 01:05:19 Right. You know, and it's so hard. But imagine how much better Remmy's life is with you than it would be anywhere else. I know. We do give him a great laugh. See? Nice treats, everything. Think about that.
Starting point is 01:05:29 Think about it. All right, maybe get one. Thank you. Well, give me the argument of why. Why? You just gave it to me. Oh, I did. Yeah, because you love it and it's amazing
Starting point is 01:05:36 and it's better off there than it is some fucking stupid shelter. We did save him. Because the shelters suck ass. They're not fun. They don't have, they're amazing. They were going to kill Remy, by the way. By the way, the shelter for dogs
Starting point is 01:05:48 is a retirement home for adults, hospice, and you're just locked in a room. Fuck that. Yeah. I want to die at my house. I want to die free. Yeah, do it.
Starting point is 01:05:58 Do it. Right? I think you should. Don't you want to die in your own, like, in your own volition instead of in a hospital. But let's, your current dog, see if they get along. Yeah, you have to introduce them.
Starting point is 01:06:07 Yeah. But what if they don't get along? Then you just keep one in one room and keep one in the other. I don't know. I don't think so. I don't know. That's hard. Yeah, it's hard.
Starting point is 01:06:15 But it's a risk you're willing to take. Yeah. And if they don't get along, then the new dog, you put it outside, you open the door and, you know, and you say, we'll see when we see you. Yeah. Good luck out there. They're, you're friends, coyotes out there. No, I think we got to give it a world because it's worth the, you know,
Starting point is 01:06:32 Where are you going to go? Humanist Society? Where are we going to get it? Yeah. Yeah, there's a shelter up in the valley, in the North Valley. Do you ever go just randomly? I'll tell you why I don't go. Why?
Starting point is 01:06:41 Because it makes me so fucking sad. Me too. So it gets me overwhelmed and I'm like, I can't save all this stuff. And it just makes me feel sad and yucky. It gets me just fucked up. Yeah. The reason why I don't go is because every single animal I have is the, oh, those visits. We're like, let's just go check it out.
Starting point is 01:06:59 And then you get one. Yeah, and you get one. Every single animal was like that. So eventually, like, we can't even go because I will take one home. That's what I mean? It makes me too sad to be like, well, what are you going to?
Starting point is 01:07:08 You got to fix all this stuff? Yeah. How hard? It's so hard. I know. Oh, God, some of it's so sad. And you just want to. You try to justify your mind.
Starting point is 01:07:16 It's like, well, we can, you know what I mean? You know, we can get a bigger house. You'll change your entire life. Yeah, yeah. And it's like it's too hard. Well, I'll say this. You know, I'm excited. I'm excited for the springtime.
Starting point is 01:07:33 Why? Are you excited? Every day is springtime here. Because when spring has sprung, so does our love. Your love for what? You? It doesn't for me. My bad.
Starting point is 01:07:46 You don't spring spring spring for you? No, no, no, no. It dies for me. It's fall. Okay. Yeah, yeah. It turns into fall for me. But yeah, my love for you stays the same.
Starting point is 01:07:56 Never changes. Good. Yeah, it's deep but shallow. At the same time, it's a combo. It's a combo deal. Yeah, yeah. That's because you have a tiny vaginal canal. That's rude.
Starting point is 01:08:10 Those are fighting. Everything feels deep for you. Thank you for being a bad friend.

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