Bad Friends - The Three Unwise Men

Episode Date: December 27, 2021

New Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com Thank you to our Sponsors:  https://hellofresh.com/badfriends16 code: BADFRIENDS16 YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriends 0:00 New Merch Announcement  0:47 Happy 2022!  4:47 Doc's Trans Vision Board  8:46  A Broken Internal Clock 21:26 A Very Special Ted Talk  35:45 New Year's Traditions  45:36 The Three Kings   53:58 A Toast To A Great Year  1:00:05 New Year's Resolutions Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Andres Rosende & Pete Forthun This podcast episode was sponsored by Candy Crush Sponsorships: on for this episode Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey everybody. We got a new merch. We got new merch. We got new merch. And it's a new year. It's a new year. We have these hoodies that I love. Look at that. And Rudy's got the green shirt. The green shirt. I like this. I like this suit. I like that one too. And it's got, this one has a little kimono dragon on it. I love it. Kimono? Kimono. Kimono. Kimono dragon. Yeah, because I like that close. Go to badfriendsmerch.com, badfriendsmerch.com. Dot com slash badfriendsmerch.com. Let's do it. Badfriendsmerch.com. Slash badfriendsmerch.com. Badfriendsmerch.com. Get it! Also, come see me on the road, AndrewSantino.com. I'm on the road doing stand-up comedy all over the country. Come see me, AndrewSantino.com. You two are bad friends. Bad friends.

Blue light in your eyes. I can't do the podcast. Cause there's a blue light in my eye. Blue light in my eyes. I can't do the podcast. Cause there's a blue light in my eyes. That's a really good song. It's a really good song. Happy 2022. Happy, happy. Happy, happy. What a year. What a beautiful year. What a beautiful year. I got to grow with my family. With your family. And this is my new family. This is your new family, right? Can I say something? Yeah. You look good. You look good. You know who didn't dress up and doesn't look good? Hello. Rudy Jules. I'm Jim. No, I don't. No, you didn't. I have a dress. She's wearing a dress. Oh, you are. What's that fishnet top you got on? Oh, it is a nice dress. You look nice. What the fuck an asshole you are. I couldn't tell. She spent nine hours. Normally she looks like a brown pill bug.

Right? Does she look like a brown pill bug right now? No, she looks like a human being right now. Yeah, she does. You look good, Rudy. We put fucking water on her. We put soap on her. We fucking put that little shampoo, a little bit of shampoo on your hair, right? You showered? She begged. She's like, it's been a year. I go, here's some. With the garbage can. With the head and shoulders. But it was a combo. It was two for two and one. It was, yeah, it was, yeah. Because, you know, she has no time. Well, no, it's just that I use that for the animals and her. The dogs and her. And look who else dressed up. Ladies and gentlemen, Little Black Magic in the house looking good. You know, he's wearing a Steve Harvey suit. That's a Steve Harvey's finest. Show me purple.

Show me purple. Also, and Doc Little Black Magic's got himself a little bit of Vino Vino. What's inside the glass there, Doc? Got a little bit of Pinot Noir, sponsored by Barefoot in New Year's. I'm letting him have it. Don't let him have it. He's plugging it. You can't plug a brand of wine. We don't have wine. Okay, well, we can edit that out. But hey, man, 2022 is looking good on the walls right there. Oh, it's looking good on the wall, but not for you in the real future.

That's what I'm talking about. Yeah. Also, shout out to... Your wall is not looking good. No. Yeah, yeah. But your wall, dude, is like one of those haunted walls in the movies, and it's cracked. Chunks of walls are coming out.

Yeah, missing, yeah. What's on your vision board, Doc? You know what, man? Oh, you know what? I had to take my vision board down. Because I had one. I had one. Yeah, I had one. Because I had... I put a Steve Harvey here once and fuck you all.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. What was on your vision board? Yeah. Describe it. Right? That I wanted. Oh, Doc. Selling off stages everywhere.

None of this happened yet. But then I had an Instagram model on there. All right. Get another patent at PA, but we got to create another fucking vehicle. Bro, you had a house? I had a house. And a model. Selling out all over the country.

Yeah. And an Instagram model as a girlfriend or a wife. Yeah. As what I want and what I look like. But the problem is... Delusion board? Is that a delusion board? Yeah.

That's insane. That's a delusion board. That's a delusion board. Yeah. That's a roll. All over their fantasy realm. It's good. Yeah.

Let me tell you something. I don't want to shit on your future. Let me tell you something. Have more obtainable goals. No, no, no. No. I don't agree with that. Get a condo.

No, no, no. Reach for the stars. Reach. Get a condo. And plus... You started with a condo. The Instagram star, probably, on this thing is probably Tila Tequila. Tila Tequila.

We don't even know who an Instagram star is. He's like, oh, this'll do. Who was the Instagram star? Well, I don't want to say the name, but come to find out. Say the name. He doesn't know. He doesn't know the name. I'll tell you why.

I had to tear the board up because I had to take the girl that I put on there. I come to find out because the account got canceled, right? And come to find out the reason the account got canceled because it was transgender. And I didn't know. So I fucking had to... So I had to revamp the board because, you know, if you roll like that, that's you. But transgender, that ain't my future. That ain't...

You made the board, fuckface. Yeah, but I didn't know. I didn't fucking know. It sounded like God made the board. You made the board. You made the board transgender, bro. This motherfucker looked delicious, though, Bobby. I was like, wow!

And that's fucking... That's on you, and that's fine. Can we bring her up? Yeah, I want to see what delicious looks like. Man, this shit gonna be all on the internet. No, man. It's already on the internet. You fucked yourself.

What do you think is going on right now? It used to be Pimp or Leah. Pull it up. Wait, is this it? Leah Jasmine? Yes! That's her. That's the dude.

Alright. First of all, it's not a dude. It's a woman. It's a woman. But can you zoom in? Just pinch? Pinch? Give me something.

Yum. Wow. She looks good. Great, dude. What are you talking about? That should be... That's all should be on your vision board is her. Her ass.

But it was like, what happened was how I found out because it was canceled. I said, what happened to this account? Because I kind of go on a lot of women's accounts. So... Time out. What do you mean? How many women's accounts do you go on? Point the mic towards you so we can see it.

Okay. On an average day, a good 20 or 15 of them. What are you doing on the pages? Andrew. I just watched their stories and see what kind of pictures they got. You know what? Andrew, he's a fucking stalker. He's a fucking stalker, a legitimate stalker.

Rudy, do you feel uncomfortable sitting next to him? Give some room. Give some room. A little room. Thank you. Hands up the whole time. Hands up. I'm not touching anybody.

Yeah, where's your penis, dude? Where's your penis? Me too, down. I'm down with me too. I don't fucking know, man. Time out. Let's slow down. So Pimpalea, her name is what?

What's her full name? I don't know her name. What do you mean? It's Aaliyah. Aaliyah's name. Aaliyah Jasmine. So this is how I found out, because it got deleted. I said, what happened to this girl?

And then I said, so I started Googling. And then all of a sudden, these guys started talking about her. And then some guy put up a picture of her before and after. Oh, let's, ooh. I don't know how to find a picture, but I was like, what? Wait, let's do, type in Aaliyah Jasmine before and after. There was some famous rappers in Singer. A lot of people was following this woman.

Oh, there you go. Just go to Images. Yeah, that'll work too. But Doc, at the end of the day. Can I say something? Hot before. Yeah, yeah. Maybe hotter before.

Maybe. She got me, bro. I said, God damn. Holy shit. Born a guy, got rid of it. It's a miracle. It's a miracle. I didn't know she was up.

You love a miracle. You do? Hey, man, don't be like that. All right. So go back to her Instagram page. So you're scrolling to the page one day, and then she's on your vision board. You feel bad because you're looking at her. Took us and you like it.

Look at her. She's got nice, she's got nice, nice meat sex. Whatever, whatever. That's one of the greatest looking ones I've ever seen. I said, God damn. Greatest looking what? Trans woman? Yeah.

That's the best. Sexy woman. Let me ask you something. That Saturday night that you, because that show, have we talked about the show yet? San Diego. Yeah, a little bit. Yeah, yeah. You did great that night.

You did great. No, we haven't talked about that show since. Have we? There's no way we have. We didn't do it without Doc. We didn't do it with Doc. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah.

I just want to say that show, you did great. Number one, all right, because I have some resentments that I want to throw out. If you don't mind. If you don't mind. We got a close relationship point. We do. You know, I don't know how you manage time. You know, I don't know if you use your clock.

I don't even, if you have an internal clock, but your internal clock is wrong. Yeah, it's very wrong. It's very wrong. It's all, it's way off. It's way off. And when somebody says to do. You know, when you go into an old town and there's a clock in the middle of the, in the town and it's been 230 for, I don't know, seven years.

Yeah. That's your internal clock. You know the clock that's back to the future? Exactly. After. After lightning. After the strike? Yeah.

That's you. That's you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Not working, right? Not working. So we told you, you know, it's a, I don't know, it was 2,000 people. Yeah. It was like 14 or 15. Yeah. It was packed. Yeah.

10 to 12 is fine. It's fine. And, and Bobby even goes, if he does 15 because he's having fun. Fine. Fine. Right. Now him and I worked 25 minutes in. Yep.

Right. Yep. I'm, now I'm a human life. Right. I'm, I'm doing. Get up. Get up. Get up.

Right. You're in the pocket. You start doing crowd work. And new stories. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Making up stories. Yeah. You did this whole fucking Carl's bed and fucking. What? What? Beach bit.

What was it about? Were you just in the moment so much? You just, you didn't realize? I just was like, you know, man. Couldn't see the clock by the way. Clock right on the floor. Right on the floor. Made me so mad.

I was like, they love me and I love them. Oh my God. Did you see the applause that Jules got before you? Yeah. You fuck me. Right. Bigger applause than you fuck. Way bigger.

Did you hear my applause? Way bigger. Way bigger. Get the mic to Jules. How did you feel about the whole thing? Yeah. Yeah. I didn't.

I kind of liked it, but I also had a lot of farts going on. A lot of farts. Big time farting girl. And that's the thing. Barbara Streisand has that when she performs. She has farts. That's true. When she gets nervous, she farts.

She incorporates the farts into her singing. I don't know if you know that. Yup. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Break me away. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I couldn't think of a Barbara Streisand song. I don't know one either. I just made it up. Well, give me a Barbara Streisand. Is there one? What about the one with the eyes?

The one she played the pessa? Oh, no. The one with the candle? Which one? Is that her? Hers is, let's see. The woman in love. Which one's the one?

Mama. Mama, can you hear me? Which one's that? No more tears. Papa, can you hear me? Yeah. Is that her? Papa?

Is that mama? It's papa. It's mama. Papa, can you hear me? That's her, right? With a real song. Papa, can you hear me? Thank you.

Thank you. My point, though, is this. So that night, right, you killed, right? Killed. If that girl, right, came up to you after that show. Jasmine. Jasmine. And you go, hey, baby, killed it.

This is the strongest 45 minutes I've ever seen. Because you would have to say that because you did that much time. That's the strongest 45. I didn't know that the headliner went up before the headliner. I have no idea that the opener does way more time than the headliner. Yeah, like 20 minutes longer. Yeah. And anyway, let's smash.

So would you have smashed her that night if you didn't know? No. If you didn't know, though. If I didn't know, of course. No, I wouldn't smash. Because you get there and then you go, oh. But let me tell you something. I want to know what you do in the awe.

What's the mom? What do you say? I want to know what you do. Look, Jasmine's right there. There she is. Hi. Hey, how you doing? So nice hour.

Very strong. So what hotel are you staying at? Black magic. You know, I'm going to leave. If you say black magic to a woman and you point like that. Yeah. I suggest. I suggest.

Edit that out. Cut that out. I'm going to the police if you do that. No smooth. You said it's not smooth. Imagine if you did that to your daughter. Yeah. Police.

Black magic. Oh my God. The street with your kids. San Diego. Two in the morning. Black magic. Go, go, go, go, go, go. Police.

A little black magic. They would know. Right away. So you would. You're in the room with jazz. Yeah. And she says, hey, let's let's get naked. Right.

So you would make out, right? Because you wouldn't know. You would never know. Are you a guy? That's fair. So your tongue is now with his tongue or her tongue. So they're lacing with passion. They're fucking lacing.

I'm kind of. She takes down her pants. Let's keep it. She takes off your pants. She's lacing again. I like the way you're lacing. They're lacing with passion. Those are your tongues, right?

Oh yeah. Yeah. Man, I don't know what the fuck that was. So you guys are making out. Making out. Your clothes start to come off. Come on. Right.

And you know, it's so hot and heated, dude. Hot. The tip of your penis. Right. There's little squirts of black magic. Okay. Liquid form though. Little bit of black magic coming out.

Liquid form. Liquid form. I feel like I'm ready. So you're saying I'm ready. Right. Right. And then you're like, okay. Now she starts blowing you.

Yeah. Now you don't ask. In a situation, you never ask, hey, are you. What is that? Fonzie? That's him. Hey. Hey.

Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Are you a man? You're not going to ask that. You're going to get the blow job. Yeah.

Right. Because you're just assuming everything's fine. I've never had. Killer. I mean it's. No. Not the two hands. No.

Not only that. You have to say every once in a while, stop for a second. Slow down. Slow down. Yeah. Because I'm getting there. I'm fading out. I'm fading out.

Right. You're fading out. Yeah. Okay. Because you're waiting. Honestly, don't touch Rudy. Okay. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's insane. It's insane. Don't do that. It seems gross to me right now. I'm sorry.

Listen. Yeah. So it's going really well. You're getting really close. Getting close. Right. Because you're saving. Because you're like.

In every guy's mind, when all this is happening, you're like, is the main event going to happen? Right. Is this just going to be the end of the show? Which would have been fine. I like a pre-show. Sure. Love a show. Right.

To put out the pre-show. Love the pre-show. The opening act goes out and they go, the headletters are sick. That's fine. Fine. But I want to see the main show. I do want to see the main show. The main show is happening.

Curtains. Curtains. Is that you call it the curtain series? Yes. That's hilarious. Okay. I love your lingo. Let's go.

So you slowly pull. Her pants down. Yeah. Yeah. Pull your pants down. And look at those pants. Right. Those, yeah.

Now you can't get them. She's on her back. Yeah. You're pulling out. You can't get them off. Why? Why Andrew? Why can't he pull the pants down?

Her belt's on. Oh, the belt's on. But then you take the belt. Yeah, you're right. Your belt's up like an idiot. You gotta be Bobby a little bit rusty. Oh, she's also rusty Bobby. Mork and Mindy, suspenders.

Right, right, right. Mork and Mindy. So we have to take those off too. Okay. Right, right, right. You gotta take those off. We take the fucking belt off. We take this Mork and Mindy, the colorful rainbow suspenders off, right?

I don't know. We take those off, right? And then, still you can't take the pants. I wonder why. Can't take them off. Can't take them off. Interesting. Because there's a...

Right. What is that? I don't know what this is. Okay. Right, right? Oh, okay, okay. Yeah. Yeah, so my point is that, so now you pull it up finally.

Right, right? Yeah. It does that too. Right, now you're already... Like a little doorstop. This woman's already sucked your dick. You've already done this with the tongs. Yeah.

Right, the thing that you were doing. Yeah. Which is what you call what... What do you call it? What do you call it? Lacing with passion. Lacing with passion. You gotta write all these things up.

Okay, right? Lacing with passion. Lacing with passion. Right. What do you say? I wanna know what Doc says to get out of the situation. Yeah. I'm gonna go, wow, I didn't know you had one of those.

She goes, is that a problem? Is that a problem? Yeah, yeah, it's a goddamn problem. What would you really say if... Look, by the way, she might be... I don't know, she might not have... She might have already gone through the surgery. I don't know.

So what if... What if... She fell down her pants and it's a surgical new... Vagina. Vagina. How would I know, though? Exactly. Exactly, man.

Hey, this is how you would know, Bobby. This is how you would know. Exactly, exactly. Exactly. You come, you lay next to each other. You're at great time. You're almost in love. He looks at you.

Oh, she looks at you. She goes, do you like fucking my... Brand new... My penis split in half, tucked inside my body and you sticking your penis in the inside of my surgical penis, so we kind of like you fucked the inside of my penis. Okay. Okay. I've never been in that situation.

That's one of those... But you know what? You ever had like... Imagine if you explained this guy explaining that to me and he'd be like, okay. Okay. Okay. Oh, that's unique. Yeah, that's...

Oh, that's unique. That's something different. That being said... You got the best impression of me that I'm fucking... One of the fucking best I'm telling you. That being said... Yeah, yeah. Okay.

I think you should give it a shot. Yeah, yeah. Die. That's the point. Give it a shot. That's the point. The thing that Bobby and I are trying to teach you is be open because you don't know. What if you fall in love with Pimp Aaliyah?

Pimp Aaliyah. Which Aaliyah Jasmine. She's way out of his league. What did you say, fans? She's way out of his league. She's way out of his league? Okay, I'll take that. No, don't take that.

Don't take that. It's true, but don't take that. I'll take that. My self-esteem so long. I also want to know what else is on this dream board. What else is on your vision? Because you have a house on it, so you put a mansion on there. Okay.

Whose mansion did you put it on there? It's in Studio City. In the valley. There is a real house. Yes, a real house. You went to some guy's house, took a photo of it, printed it out. I fucking drove in my car, parked, walked in front of it, and snapped a picture of it. I'll imagine that.

How scary would you... Now, we live in the house. Just a little tiny black guy comes up on my lawn. Imagine. You know what? I wouldn't even say it. I would think that I imagined it. Yeah.

Because a little black guy is like... I'm hallucinating. Yeah. Did a portal open up from mythological land, and this little black magical guy came out with it. You're saying fucking magical? Can I tell you something? Yeah.

If aliens do come down and take over people's bodies to do documentation, 100% I believe that you are an alien. Oh, yeah. That little black magic body. Okay. Quick, quick, quick, quick. Swirling up to my lawn. Yeah.

And then getting back. Yeah. And going away. I believe that you're a little black magic alien. That could be. You know what? You never know, fucking... Do you remember in Jurassic Park 2, when the dinosaur finally makes his San Diego?

Yeah. So the girl... There's a little kid who wakes up at his... You know what I mean? Yeah. The second floor of his house. Yeah. You know?

And he sees a T-Rex in his fucking... Yeah. Right by the pool, right? Right. You know? And he does one of those things where he wakes up his parents, and he doesn't scream. He goes... There's a dinosaur inside.

You know what I mean? Yeah. At Casually. I think that's what I would do if I saw him. There's a little black man inside. Outside. Outside. Right to my parents.

And they'd be like, go back to sleep, Johnny. You're crazy. Yeah. So you took a picture of this man's house. It's on your board. Took a picture. Put it on the board. I don't think there's nothing wrong with that.

No. I think it's cute. That's why I'm laughing. We don't think it's wrong. It's so cute. And it's not like I'm not in Beverly Hills taking pictures. I just went to a regular street and just said this house right here. So you're gonna get a house next year, Doc.

I believe it. Yeah. I believe you're gonna get a house. I believe you're gonna get a house. Probably not that house. No. No chance. Probably not that house.

No. Just a house though. Yeah. I think we can get you a house in somewhere in like Chatsworth or Santa Clarita. Don't be mean. Don't be mean. Don't be mean. Because Chatsworth is like a porn industry.

Everybody knows that. Let's try to get him a house in Studio City. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, no. Yeah. I know.

There's no way. Yeah. That's insane. Yeah. I mean, it's like the Oprah episode that he saw to inspire him to do the vision board. Yeah. Yeah. Like he like saw something.

Yeah. He went, holy shit. You know, he went and bought fucking art paper to do the vision board. Right. Scissors. Yeah. He went and did shit to do it. You know what?

The way y'all talking, y'all don't own a copy of the secret, huh? Oh my God. Oh man. Y'all don't believe it. Hold up the secret is real. I got to come. Thank you so much. Thank you so much for coming.

And now this next step with the podcast is going to be about you explaining us the secret. Yeah. Yeah. The whole thing. I appreciate it. All right. Well, all right. Is there a way fancy you guys can just edit this part out?

What? What? Just put music over him talking about what the secret is to us. Yeah. There's going to be an hour of him telling me, man, man, this secret. You just put it out there. It's going to come to you. Okay.

So that's the secret. Let's do it as a Ted talk. Hello, everybody. Welcome to 2022. Our new Ted Talk series. You guys excited? Yeah. Yeah.

We're opening up with a great. Oh my God. A man. I don't even know how to explain it. You explain it. Hello. Fresh. I love Hello Fresh.

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They're delicious. I've used it. We actually very much enjoy it. 30 minutes or less. That's how quick you can cook a meal. 20 minutes of recipes are on there too and they got dessert to satisfy Bobby's sweet tooth. Yeah.

And check it out. It's 72% cheaper than a restaurant meal of the same quality. And you can save on an average of over $65 per month when you order Hello Fresh instead of grocery shopping. That's huge. Yeah. That's more money to put toward those other 2022 goals of yours. Go to HelloFresh.com slash Bad Friends 16 and use the code BADFRIENDS16 for up to 16

free meals and three free gifts. That's Anchor. If you haven't heard about Anchor, it's the easiest way to make a podcast. Let me explain. Oh please. It's free. Awesome. That's cool.

There are creation tools that allow you to record and edit your podcast right from your phone or your computer. You do it from your phone like on the go. Oh my God. That's cool. And on the bus or the subway you can do it. That's cool. And you can make a podcast for you so it can be heard on Spotify, Apple Podcasts and

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Where do we have to go, Bob? Download the free Anchor app or go to anchor.fm to get started. That's right. Hello Fresh. America's number one meal kit. We're opening up tonight with a man who's got a vision. Yeah. Bored.

Yeah. And he's here to tell you about manifestation. Manifestation. Yes. Oh yeah. And about the secret. I don't know if you've heard of the secret, but. The secret.

The secret. The secret. And finding the truth in the universe. The truth in the universe. Ladies and gentlemen, Professor. Professor. Sir. Sir.

He's been knighted. And, you know what I mean? And? And he has a degree. What? Okay. Doc. Doc.

Willis. Willis. Williams. Williamson. The third. The third. Ph.D. Yeah.

Everyone's coming. Everyone's coming. Yeah. Hey. Let's hear it. Let's hear it. Happy 2022. I don't know, Bob.

Now. The secret. Now. You gotta, like, in your heart know that the universe is the center of yourself, right? And then, there are dimensions to yourself. Now, I don't really like to talk about dimensions, because dimensions, I get a little scared, especially after that shit. Me too.

Yo, Kaku said about dimensions. You don't hear about them? Are you asking the audience a question? Yeah, yeah. I'm asking all the world. No. No. See, that's it.

That's what I need. Some participation. But me too. Yo, Kaku says you're scared the shit out of me. I'm going to tell you that about dimensions. Man. This all connects to the goddamn... Holy shit.

This thing has gone off the rails in the first 30 seconds. Okay. Okay. Okay. The secret. Okay. So anyway. Yeah.

He said... That's the thing in the world. Oh, they viewed it as Mike. Perfect. Thank you. And now people stand up and go, that was a bad one. What's going on? Do we pay for this?

Get the fucking pamphlet. Where else do we go, Don? Where's Tony Robbins? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was terrible. All right. So, Pimpolia, the house, and one more thing is on your vision board. Selling out theaters and stadiums.

Selling out stadiums. Do you really want to sell out stadiums? Yeah. You do. Do you have any desire to do stadiums? Can we start coffee shop? I mean... I'm sorry.

I'm not... I mean, sell out the belly room. In the world. Yeah. Let's go laundry, Matt. Coffee shop. Let's just come... Hear me out.

Then belly room, maybe. Let's go laundromat, Irish pub. Yes. Irish pub is good. Laundromat. Because it's the loud, rowdy crowd. So you can learn from that. Okay.

Right. Her bar mitzvah. Her bar mitzvah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or Kitsuniera. Kitsuniera. Sorry. Kitsuniera.

Okay. And then move on to selling out stadiums. To maybe go to clubs. Be rooms. Be rooms. And then... And then... 50 years later, who knows?

Okay. Well, I'm just saying, 50... Wait a minute. I'll be fucking out. You're right. You know what? You are a great comic doc. You're gonna have a great 2022.

And I believe that you keep working as hard as you are, and it's gonna work out. I appreciate it. I loved the shock on his face when you started getting real legitimate laughs on that stage. It was wild. No, I was happy for it. He was out of pride.

It was more of a pride. I was so proud. Because you were nervous before the show. Yeah, I was. Yeah, you were grumpy, actually. You were trying to write something, and you're like, come on, man, give me my space.

Like, they being like that guy. Yeah, yeah. Bobby, come on, man. He wasn't with me right now. He was so nervous. He was so nervous. I was, man. I was nervous before every show.

That was a great show, though. It was so fun. It was so fucking fun. Rudy, do you have a vision board? No, I don't. But if I had, one would be to sleep less, have a boyfriend, foster more dogs, and meet Harry Styles.

Okay. It's a good board. It's a good, really good board. She's kind of a stalker, bro. She said Harry Styles again. She's like me. Don't try to... Don't try to felch your stalking on somebody else.

She's a teenies girl who has a crush on some pop star. Yours is a different thing, my friend. What's on your vision board, Bob? Hello. What's on your vision board? Teeth. So I have 13 teeth. You want more?

No, I want the 13 I have missing. You know that I went to the dentist, and the dentist said, you're missing 13 teeth. That's a lot, isn't it? I honestly thought there's more than 13 teeth in the mouth. I mean, I just thought that that was... How many teeth are in the mouth?

20? I don't know. 32 teeth. Because, like father, like daughter. And, you know, I thought in my head, I'm like, how am I influencing Juliana in my house? Because she's lived with me for a couple of years since high school and stuff and whatnot.

And it's like, am I having any kind of influence on her life? Of course. And it turns out that I do. Because she went to the dentist and go, what did the dentist say? What did they say, Ruth? I have nine cavities. Nine?

Yeah, yeah. So... That's so many cavities. So when I heard that, it was like her saying, I just got straight A's. You know what I mean? Like, as a proud pair, I literally had tears in my eyes. And I go, I'm so proud of you, buddy.

You know what I mean? My little muck mouth. My little muck mouth. My little muck mouth. My little muck mouth. Wait a minute. Seriously, nine fucking cavities? What are you sucking on sugar cubes?

George had nine cavities, too. George had nine cavities, as well? No, listen to the rat. Did you see that? The dentist was a liar. I think it's obviously... The dentist was a liar? He's too fucking...

Yep, he was just getting me for money. So you think he filled in cavities that weren't there? My teeth hurt much worse after he got done with them than before. Oh, really? He looked at you like, yeah, yeah, 52 cavities, kid. Like, you don't question it? Give me the fucking X-rays. Nine cavities, Rudy Jules.

How are you ending up with that many? I don't know. My parents never took me to the dentist. Do you brush your teeth? Yeah. How many times a day? Two. Do you floss?

Yeah. Do you drink sugary drinks? No. Is this all fake? She's delicious. I floss! I've never seen you floss. Why'd you roll your eyes this now?

Why'd you roll your eyes this now? Right? Because you know. I live with her. I've never seen her floss. There's never been a floss near you! I have three flosses! You have three flosses?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just the same rope you use over and over? Which one of the rope I use today? She does use mouthwash. Yeah. Yeah, because sometimes I use yours. Listerine. The listerine.

Yeah, yeah. It's the one that kills real germs. Do you have cavities, Doc? Look at them. Yeah, a bunch of them. You got a bunch? Yeah, I got more than nine. That shit is like this.

You got to be a rookie to have only nine goddamn cavities. I got nine. You're putting up first year numbers. I got at least 15 of them. I got them inside of my tooth, on the top of my tooth. I got these motherfuckers. Yeah. I'm proud of that.

They're probably blinged, your cavities. Yeah, remember I lost my tooth for another week. I just told you I wasn't looking lost. Are they shiny, your cavities? Yeah. Yeah, okay. What happened with the tooth that we talked about in San Diego? I'm still working on it.

Still working on getting the whole lot of your tooth? Yeah, well getting the crown and stuff put in. How long does that take? Did you order it from China? Where's the back order? Can I be honest with you? Yeah. I missed my dentist appointment when I was drinking a little bit.

A little bit too much the other day. I had fun in my part. Doc. Are we having trouble? Do we need to put away the bottle? No, man. You're missing dentist appointments because you're getting lit up. Yeah, because what happened is I had a little lunch.

Doc, you're getting lit up during the days though. That's what makes it scary. That's scary. Everybody drinks during the day. Everybody who drinks drinks during the day, that's facts. You can Google that. Does everybody drink during the day, George? Google that.

Honestly. Day drinkers. Stop for a second. Everybody drinks during the day. You can Google it, that's facts. Andrew, we might have a problem. We do. We have a problem.

Ultimately, drinking during the day is no worries for some people. But it sounds like you're missing appointments and that's bad. Yeah. Who wrote that quote? Charles Bukowski? That sounds bad, Doc. Yeah, it sounds bad. It just was this one time.

That's what they all say. It was just this one time. No, no, you've been doing it. Been doing what? Drinking during the day. Drinking during the day. Yeah, that's the only time I can drink. I can't drink at night.

Why not? Because I have to go to bed for work the next day. That's true. He has to go to bed. I forgot the bed part. If I left in England, this wouldn't be a problem. Shout out to London. Shout out to Ireland.

Stop shutting out cities and countries. We're talking about this. He's doing it again. He's doing his thing again. We need an intervention, I think. Man, don't do this. I think we do. Yeah.

We have to write down our feelings and how it hurts us. Your behavior has affected me in the following ways. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're missing dental appointments, getting holes in your teeth. Also, you see- Your visions are out of whack. Yeah, your visions are out of whack. You say black magic and point your finger at strangers.

Can't do that. You don't like- That's not- That's alcoholism. That's in the big book. But let me say this. Yeah, yeah. But now that it's New Year's Eve.

That's it. New Year's resolutions. Revolution is- And resolution should be put it away. Be gentle. Put what away? You got to put away the sauce. Oh, that's man.

Amen. That's like some kind of black home, that's some crime. Y'all ain't- Y'all fucking- Amen. You don't do that. Don't point at me like that. Jules, could you talk to them?

Jules, say something. They ain't there yet. I think you need to stop. There we go. Listen up. There we go. Listen up. You need to stop, dude.

Okay. All right. All right. So, now he's taking the fun stuff off his face. Yeah, put the fun stuff on his face. Put the fun things back. Yeah, put it back on his face. I won't take it off.

It's fellow. Oh, sorry about that. Let me say this. Let's shift gears. All right. We have had such a good time. Adding little black magic to the show has been amazing. Keeping Rudy Jules in town.

I'm appreciative for the following things about the show. Here we go. My little fancy bee looks so good today. Here we go. George, that jacket is fire. Little Rudy Jules not going away far away to college and staying with us on the show means a lot to me. I appreciate it.

Little black magic. What an addition you are to the show. Although we might have to put you in a center next year, in a treatment center. I've been to all of them. Yeah, he's been to a bunch of them. Whenever you need. He's got like a, what is it? That was one of those cards.

I do. You can go back. Oh, you go back. Yeah. Welcome back. Well, it's like a gift card. I can give you a gift card. We can go home.

Anyway, Doc. Yeah. I'm a recovering alcoholic as well. Yeah. What? Yeah. I remember. Okay.

You the fucking mess back then. Go ahead. Okay. Can we talk about it? No, we're not judging. We're not talking. No, it's not judging. We're not talking about me.

We have a problem here, baby. Coming there. Oh, fuck. Okay, go ahead. Doc, you're the one that literally has a problem. You blacked out and missed a fucking dentist appointment at like noon. So this is what this is about. It's about old Doc Wallace.

Okay. We, you know, here's the deal, dude. Okay. Yeah. You know, we've been, before you came to this podcast, we had, everyone's well talked about you. Okay. How we love your magical energy.

We do. I mean, and we've heard about the black magic. We've heard about the folklore. All right. And the books. And the fables. We know all about it. We know.

Right. And we brought you in, right? We go, this is a good chemistry. Yeah. We find that you're random things that you say and your point of view to be different than ours. And I think it works. It works.

Yeah. I love you all too, man. All right. In the new year. I'm going to go to the Philippines. Show me that thing you were going to, what is that thing? Good time. We got some New Year's traditions.

By the way, Korean, in Korean New Year's tradition is Sibae. How do you say that? Sibae, baby. What is Sibae, baby? I have no idea. I've never heard of it before. Well, children pay their respect to their elders on New Year's Day with the traditional respectful bow.

The children perform a traditional bow to the floor while saying, can you read that? Make it big so he can read that. Because it's Sibae, baby, baby. You're saying it wrong. All right. Here we go. What is it? Sibae, baby, baby.

Sibae, baby, baby, baby. What is it? What is it? What is it? Sibae, baby, baby, baby. What is it? And then what does it say? The next part of it?

What is it? Which means please receive much fortune in the new year. Sibae, baby, baby, baby. What is it? What is it? We have the bow here. We have it. We have it.

We have the bow if we want Rudy to do it. Yeah, Rudy, will you do it? Oh, Rudy will. Oh, look at this. Oh, this is the bow. Where are you going, man? Let's see it. Look, look, look.

Korean class 101, Bob. How to bow. Okay. I know what about how to fucking bow, man. In Korea, when men bow, right hand on our left hand, okay, and cover your penis. And you cover your penis. Right over there. That's a different kind of bow.

That's a full-blown. That's a huge bow. Yeah, I'm going to go 50. Yeah. I'm not going to go 100. I see. Okay. Who started the bow?

That looks like a burpee. That looks like an up-down. He's doing exercises. I wonder who started the bow. That's interesting. Pause that. Where did the bow come from? I think it was somebody that was trying to one-up a guy that was waving.

Yeah, some guy right at town. Imagine this. Some guy in town. Right? Chucky. Chucky? No. In Korea?

Okay. Choco. Choco. Yeah, Choco. Choco. So imagine a town, right? There was a guy named Choco. He waves.

Big waves. Waves. Big waves. Right? And all the women love it. Yeah. Yeah. You know how the Asian women, they giggle?

Yeah. There you go. Look at Choco. Yeah, he puts his shoulder into it, right? And then there's a little... Oh, a little Choco dance? Yeah, a little Choco dance afterwards, right? But there was a guy named Billo.

Oh, Billo. Billo. Billo. He's waving. He's waving. Every day wave, wave. All the women squirt, squirt. Out of the, you know, the boji.

How we sing for you. Boji. Boji. Squirt. Oh, the tunnel. How can I? What do I do? I got to come up.

What if I bow with my body? Oh, a body wave. Body wave. But I can't go side to side. Looks weird, right? So he's in the mirror going. Right? He's in the mirror going.

You know, he did the... What if I do... No, that looks too much on my... Right? Oh. Oh. Oh, forward body wave. There were probably guys in the room.

Yeah. They went, oh! Oh! Nobody did that. Oh! Oh, shit! That's his thing. He came up with it.

So, Koji did it? Yeah. No, no, no. Choco. Billo. Billo. Billo did it. Wow.

That's where the bow comes from. That's where the bow came from. Okay. You learned something on this show? Let me see that... I'm sure that was a long way to go for that story. I like that. But I like this story.

I don't care what you say. Give me the Irish tradition. Let me see. What do we do? Don't you guys fall? Because you're drunk so much? Blackout. Yeah, we trip and fall.

But that's not a bow, really, right? No, we... Oh, the banging bread for bad luck. Yep. What do you guys do? Explain that. Never heard of this in my entire fucking life. Oh, oh.

Another Irish superstition has passed. Oh, shit. It's banging on the doors and walls of the family home with Christmas bread. It's all about chasing bad luck out of the house and inviting good spirits into the new year. So we're supposed to bang Christmas bread against the walls. Is this Christmas bread? Yep.

Oh, this is... This is good. All right. Bang the walls. Everybody bang the walls. Bang the walls. Do you think we're chasing out the spirits? Be gone, spirits!

I... Get out of here! Get out of here, spirits! I don't know if spirits are gluten-free. Do you think they are? No, yeah. Too much yeast for the spirits. In Italian, look at the smashing plates and glasses, vases, pottery against the ground

to drive away any bad omens. This is good. Hey, Francisco. Sally left. She left me finally. I am so sorry, mister. Ah, Sally left. I don't know what to do, man.

I'm just like... I'll throw up my... Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. Do it.

Be careful. You want me to go crazy? No, please. Francisco, you want me to go crazy? Don't do it. No, don't do it. I didn't. I lost my mind.

I lost my mind. Did you see that? It should work. It should work. No, you're all right. Oh, shit. It works, yeah, yeah. addiction preventive Yoga Things

Fuck! I didn't know that was it. Little bit. Is it really sugar? Can you eat it? Come on? Yeah, go ahead. Come on. All right me. All right, all right How fun is that? Yeah, really fun. All right, watch the eyes man. Sorry Rudy do doc over the head. Yeah, do it over the head. It's not gonna hurt do it. You can do it. Yeah For the hood. Yeah Hey, yeah do it to her Come on

Close your eyes. Close your eyes. Close your eyes. Ready? Yeah, yeah. The way you did that, dude, was so hard. You're a bully. You're a bully. You're the one you did that. Holy shit. Didn't work, didn't it? Yeah, it didn't work. Yeah, yeah. Did that hurt, Rudy? Yeah, but it's fun though, right? It's fun though too, right? Give me that glass. Yeah, Bobby's got to do it to me. The best thing is this is heavy. I know the best is running through. This is like actually heavy. Running out of a glass window like when you're on set. Have you ever done that? Oh, yeah, running through it. It is. Yeah. What do you got? Give me one of those. Yeah, yeah. Let Bobby smash me over the head with this thing. Go ahead. You little scat-a-wackle. Yeah, we're in a bar. Yeah, you are. What'd you call me? Lingo. Fat little noodle. You little squag-a-wackle. You little squag-a-wackle, what are we talking about? You little noodle dumpling son of a bitch. Oh, do something about it. Do something about it, you asshole. Do something. Hey, you fucking.

Dude, this is so fun. Order more of these. Yeah, well, they have to clean it, which is sad, but it's okay. Clean it up. Have fun, guys. They're not going to clean it. That's amazing. I love that stuff. Sugar glass. Sugar glass. Wait, you ran through a window? Oh, yeah. At Mad TV, we used to have to go through windows and stuff. It was fun. Out of sugar glass like this. Yeah, they used to go, we'll have a stuntman. I want to do it. Yeah, why not? I just straight through it. Way more fun. Way more fun. Have you ever done that, Doc? Have you ever ran through sugar glass? No, that was my first time with the experience of sugar glass. Really? Yeah, it tastes like shit, though, when you try to eat it. You're not supposed to eat it. You're not supposed to eat it. That's kind of the whole point. You're not supposed to eat it. Yeah. Unbelievable. I got one in my eye. I got it in my eye. I'm sorry, dude. No, it's not your fault. Yeah, yeah. I got a little piece of it in my eyeball. Wait, no. You have to do it to George. Yeah, come over here, George, please. Neal down here. Neal down right there. No, get him in the back. He wants to go back there. And then hit him with this Perrier bottle.

All right. Look at George has his, George has his red undies on. Oh, look at the little pee-pee pouch. Mike it. Mike it. I've never shattered this in front of someone who's digging. Put your mic up so I can hear it. Nobody can hear it. I just want to see if this is sensitive enough to break over, shatter over, like, that girthy penis. Over a penis. It's beautiful girthy penis. Got a nice penis, kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You want me to try? I think you should. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just one little shot. It's breakaway glass. I know. Just know that when it does break, your hands are going to go through and grab his penis. No. No, no, no. The big one is good. The one is the big one. Let's do it so you and I, you and I are a bar, we're talking. Oh yeah, give me that green one. He's eating the bread. He's eating the bread. I don't know. He's spilling wine. Oh my god, this guy. This guy. This guy. Oh yeah. This guy. Okay. Yeah, we're ready. It's a good thing we're moving out of the studio. All right, so me and you are drinking at a bar. Ready? We're wasted. I got to tell you something. This bartender's a real piece of shit. He's a real piece of shit. You know what his problem is, this guy? He's been staring at us. He's staring at me all the time. You got a problem with us, pal?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to cut off. You got to cut off this guy. You fucking cocksucker. I had to fucking hit this bottle. Let me tell you something about cut off, my friend. Let me tell you something. Happy New Year. We did that, we'd be in a fucking... And you know what? The cops like, what were you guys thinking? We both go, worth it. It was worth it. George, that felt so good. Thanks for letting us abuse you, buddy. Let's cheers to George. Hey, George. Oh, what is that stuff? Let Fancy talk about that. What is that? Explain to me what the Three Kings is all about. So, after Jesus was born. After who? Jesus. Jesus Christ. Okay, Jesus Christ. He's born in the 25th of December, as you know. So, the 6th of January, three different parts of the world came to visit him with gifts.

What parts of the world? Like SoCal? I mean, where? Yeah, where are they from? Bakersfield? No, one's from Africa. One's from the Orient. Wow, one's from the Orient. I didn't know that. Oh, I didn't know that. Right. And they give gifts to kids. So, in Spain, we didn't have Santa until a few years ago. Oh, Santa never made it to Spain? No, he skipped Spain. This actually is kind of dope. This robe? Does this look cool, Fancy? That looks awesome. Wait, so which one am I from? So, Doc is the one that's from Africa, which I don't know why, like it could have been gone to me or Bobby.

Bobby's the Chinaman? Yes. Yes. There's no Chinese. Hidi-hidi. That's what I would say. Why do I always see... You always go to Hidi-hidi. I don't know, but I love it. Hidi-hidi. It's one of my things. What's this? Oh, that's a headpiece. Egyptian headpiece. I have no idea. Bro. Zero Dark Thirty. You look... Do I look like I'm from Zero Dark Thirty? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You look like a little Egyptian prince right now. I don't know. I don't know where Osama bin Laden is. Zero's our Dark Thirty. But you do know. I do know, but I don't. Like, I saw him yesterday, but I didn't. Right? I'm that guy. So, here we go. This is the kings, huh? We three kings. So, we come into town. We come into town, right? Us three come into town. Yeah.

What is Jules? Our slave. Do the three kings have slaves? They had no followers. The people who wrangled the camels. Oh, a camel wrangler. But aren't there girls we hang out with that we just throw rocks at? Cockybind.

You're a rock girl. Every once in a while, we're traveling. I want to throw a rock at somebody. Cockybind. You're going to have somebody cocky. All right, so it's a car conky. So, she's... No. She's our family. She's a family. She's our camel wrangler. We're spiritual people.

We don't do anything like that. No, dude. We're sons of the Lord. We're good people. What does this say? What's the script? Pete got us a script. Can I improvise? Because I have my own lines. Yeah, he has his own. Who am I playing?

Well, you can play Conrad. I'll play Conrad, all right? All right, so... This is three kings. I'm the Chinese king? Here, do you want to watch the... Oh, I don't know. I didn't know there was a movie. Oh, three kings, the spiked...

Not spiked. Who did the three kings? Spike Jones. David O'Russell. I don't want to see it. Let's do it ourselves. We'll make up what we do. Pete fucked it up. This has nothing to do with my three kings. Pete fucked it up? Yeah, these three kings have nothing to do with the real three kings.

Yeah, I know ones about the fucking war. All right, who's who? Am I Conrad? I got to be Conrad because I memorized my opening line. All right, I'll be Troy and then... He's zooming in because my eyes are blurred. And then you're chief, okay? Doc, you're chief. Okay, all right, go ahead.

Is that the first line? I'm Conrad, right? Harry, Harry, Harry, what is this? I have to say it here. Hitty, hitty, hitty. What is this? It's a suit jacket. The Iraqis gave it to me.

I didn't recognize you with it. It fits all right, right? Yeah. Is that me? Bad line already? Yeah, bad line. See, give me the line again then. It fits all right, right? Yeah.

Hey, chief. We need your help. Chief runs over to Troy and Conrad. Hey, where's the hat? There's no T. Yeah, yeah. Do it again. Where's the hat?

It's in and out. I think it's just above his collar bone. Where's the Jesus fire? It's all around you right now. God damn, you didn't win, Pastor. Yeah, it's okay. Can I say my line again and like it? Do it again. Where's the line?

I didn't memorize it. I look at chief. Where's the Jesus fire? It's all around you right now. Conrad, you're going to be all right? Such a big pause for a comment. You're going to be all right, man. Don't give a line reading, dude.

That's fucking bullshit. Okay, go back to the line. Watch me do Doc's line better than Doc. I'll do Doc's line the way he should have done it. Ready? You say I'll do Doc. Go ahead. Where's the Jesus? I got to say my line again.

Where's the Jesus fire? It's all around you right now, Conrad. You're going to be all right. You're going to be all right, man. Who did it better? Like we cast you? Yes, it's me. I'm going to do Doc.

Let me be Doc. Will you play different roles? You're out. We put a fat suit on the whole thing. You're out. This is a table where you fucked up, bro. You fucked up, you're fired. This is NBC. In fact, I want to do my line again

because I don't want to get fired here. Where's the Jesus fire? It's all around you right now, Conrad. You're going to be all right. Go down, go down, go down. Man, I'm killing Doc. That's a scene? What?

What are you doing? I know the line. Oh, it's cold. I'm going to hell. You're going to be fine. You take me to one of them shrines that gives you comfort and erases all the bad things you did.

Hey, we made the right choice today, Conrad. You stop with that shrine shit. Everything's going to be okay. You think so? I know so. We're getting out of here. Lord Jesus saved this man. Give him another shot.

Give him another shot. You were just kidding. Go ahead, give him another shot. Lord Jesus saved this man. He's not a bad man, Lord. Look after him and help him if you can. Okay, stop. All father who art in God damn heaven.

Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me. You were fired three lines. Right? And I gave you your jaw pack and that's what you fucking did. I thought I did. Now let me do that. I'll show you how the line's supposed to be set.

Go to the line before. All right, here we go. You think so? I know, we're getting out of here. No, no, no, but do it for real. You just do the shrine line. So that you can read the chief line. I know, we're going to switch.

Ready? You think so? What are you doing? We're switching, so I'm going to do that. Troy, just do Troy. You think so? I know so. We're getting out of here.

Lord Jesus saved this man. He's not a bad man, Lord. Look after him and help him if you can. Father who art in heaven. I would have casted you in the room. I would have casted you in the room. I would have casted you in the room, bro. You're going to warm up the car.

I love this outfit. I love these outfits. We're three kings. I feel great, dude. I feel like working with wires. Not in a good way. What are you doing with wires? I'm making an iPhone.

With two wires and a piece of metal. Is this strong enough to cut this? No. No, sugar glass. Hey. To the Bad Friends crew. We did it. Cheers, you guys.

Happy New Year, bud. To many moons and many man. To many moons and many moon man. I'm going to tell you something that happened. Yesterday I came home. Inside our house was a pit bull. It's fine, right? But this pit bull has ten puppies that's inside our belly.

And we're giving birth. She was due two days ago. We're giving birth to a dog this week. Are you excited? I hope the puppies stay alive and don't die though. Holy shit. They say that a couple of puppies do die. I know, but don't think about it like that.

You know when you think about the animals? Sometimes I sit and I'm in love with my dog. And I look at her sometimes and I'm like, she's not going to be around forever. Don't depress the fuck out of me right now. She just did it with that dog thing. I know, but you just did it with that. She just made me feel like that.

I know, don't depress the fuck out of me right now. Bro, I have seven animals that I love more than most humans. I would say all humans. I don't think you love any human as much as you love the animals. I love them as much as I love Eric Griffin. That's easy. That's easy love. So you're going to give birth.

This thing's going to give birth this week. Any day now. Any second. How many are you going to keep? None. What do you mean? That's the problem. I've looked at these girls and I go,

I know what's going to happen. A puppy is going to come out. There's me a puppy that's going to be so cute that you're going to try to convince me to have another dog. You probably should though. No, we shouldn't. Why not? It's illegal.

How is it illegal? You can't have more than four dogs. Google that. That's not true. That's not true. Is there a legal limit to how many dogs you can have in your home in the state of California? I don't buy that.

Each household may have only four dogs or cats over the age of four months. Which is what the fuck we're doing right now. They're not even born yet. I know, but we're going to keep them until four months, but we can't keep them legally. You can and then nobody knows. Who's going to really know?

Who snitches on that stuff? Why don't you give one to Doc? Doc, you need a dog? In the studio apartment building, that's going to be tight. It's a pit bull. It's a pit bull. Honestly, we have puppies that haven't been born yet. If you want a fresh puppy, right?

Do you like pit bulls? I want to say something that's a little stereotypical. It's a little stereotypical. And to help me create the language. We help me create the language. This dog is for loving. This dog is for cuddles. This dog is for companionship.

This dog is not for what? Uh-oh. No, I'm asking you, Andrew. For what? Using. For what is it? Using it. As a prop?

As a prop. That's... Do you understand what I'm saying? Very, very, very much so. What am I saying? You just called me Michael Vick a little bit. Oh, that's crazy. That's far-fetched, and that's a step too far.

I didn't call you Michael Vick. What do you think about that? She doesn't know who Michael Vick is. Good. You don't want to know. Michael Vick is an NFL football player that got in trouble for fighting pit bulls. Are you going to do that? You said that with innocence, but no, I don't... No, I don't...

No! Do you believe him, Jules? No. Would you feel comfortable giving him two pit bulls? Yeah, me either. So I can get one. No, what good... Do you really want a puppy?

Be real, dude. I would love it if you got one. You want a puppy or not? I want a puppy, but not in the studio. I wouldn't do that to the dog. I don't want a lot of walks. Dog, can I just say this? It saved my life having an animal.

Really? Yeah, it makes life worth living. When I drive home from the comic club, I think, oh, I can't wait to see a fucking pill bug face and Kalyla. No, I want to see my dogs and my cats. It's true. Yeah, it definitely made you a better person.

I think you should have a puppy. I think you should have a puppy. I think you should get a puppy. I would love one. Why don't you come over? Pure breed? Not no Yorkian pit bull mix. No shit like that.

Raw pit bull fuck. Apparently beggars can be choosers. Prime example. Unbelievable. What do you care? It's a puppy, it's a dog. You can be a part of your world and want to just be happy and bring you joy

and make you feel good and then you want it to feel good. So you rub its belly. You're not a fully grown human being asking for things like that. Okay, here's a trans puppy. Did you hear fancy? He wants to know if it's a trans puppy.

You want a trans puppy? That's a funny joke. That was too funny for you. That callback was too funny. Well, I mean, what about papers? Can I get papers? What are you talking about? What do you mean?

Because if you got a dog that pit bull has got to have papers, I want papers. Is the champion breed what are we talking about? He says pit bull is like the artist pit bull. The dog pit bull. Does he sing pit bull songs? He just sing Mr. Worldwide songs. He's also saying champion which makes me scared.

Yeah, I know. What are you looking for? I don't want to look good in dark. Because I just want to look good. Look muscular. Yeah, but you don't look good. You're a hater. That's what they're talking about.

No, you look good. I'm sorry. Why am I so mean? I think for my New Year's resolution, I think it's to be nicer to people. Well, let's make real resolution. I'm going to be nicer to people. Okay, we'll go around the room.

What? The holes. The holes? My teeth. I'm sorry, my bad. I should have went around the wrong way. Filling the holes in my mouth. That's number one. Number two, I'm going to be nicer to people.

Everybody? Everybody. I talk too much shit. I talk shit behind people's backs. I agree. When they're in the room. Well, that's good that you noticed that. I want to curb my anger.

You have to. It's getting out of control. Right? We've been talking about it. Shut the fuck up. Thank you. Who was going to bring it up? We were going to bring it up,

but yet you definitely do need to curb your anger because we're on the fence. I know. Rudy, but I'm never mean to you. Yeah, but you're scary. There's no doubt. So look, this is my resolution. We're all talking about our faults.

You don't want to talk shit and be a bad shit talker. I want to curb my anger very much. Go ahead, Doc. I want to bring that vision board to life. You said you took it down. Yeah, but I really want to make those dreams come true. Is that real? I don't know if I can support that.

What do you mean? You have to support it. Don't be an asshole. I know, but we have to support it. He wants three things. He wants a house. He wants to sell out stadiums like Sebastian. And an Instagram model. That doesn't have a penis.

Girlfriend or wife. Those are the three things you need. You're going to get married by a house in 2022. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Feel it. Can we clip this and make sure we play this next year on next...

Yeah, yeah. Rudy, what's yours? I'll try to be more happy being here. Boy, do I know when some resolutions aren't going to fucking come through. It's going to happen. Why are you not happy being here? Can I be honest with you?

There is a little bit of an uptick in terms of your enthusiasm to do it. Yeah. Yeah, but try harder, please. She's trying. I think today was good. No, she is. All right, what's yours, fans?

I'm going to make the Bad Friends movie and we're going to make a hit next year. We are going to make the Bad Friends movie. We're going to go film in Spain at the end of the year. George, what's yours? Mine is to stand up for myself more. Shut up, you fucking bitch. You little fucking bitch.

He wants to do a stand up again. George, milk your fucking little fat tits. Sorry I talked, guys. Yeah, shut your mouth. Do a New Year's prayer, you guys. Together, both of you, go. Dear Lord. Line by line, each one switch.

Thank you for Bobby and Santino and Bad Friends. You're welcome. Thank you for the love that they have to offer. That we have to? Yeah, is a requirement? Yeah. Thank you for fancy and the guys in the back, even though they don't do much.

That's not the right. They do. Thank you for the food that Andreas and George always gives me. That's true. This bread was getting stale, you think it was. A little bit. Okay, well, thank you. We love y'all.

Thank y'all for all the listeners, even the negative ones. We love you. Thank you for being a Bad Friend. What do the Spaniards do? Scumbags. Red underwear, bringing into the New Year, wearing red underwear as a New Year's tradition popular in Spain. If somebody's giving you red underwear as a gift, it's even luckier.

Fancy? What is that? Red underwear. Wait a minute. Do you have red underwear on fans? I will in a minute. Hey, Andrew, I think we need a riding staff. Yeah.

This has got out of control. We need a riding staff. I mean, I don't know what to do with this as a bit. I don't know either, made in China. Made in China, okay. He said it big enough to put over your clothes. Yeah, we heard him. I'm not going to do it.

No, it's insane.